#anyway . i love having spreadsheet autism

[polarmoon]

on my grind

[thekidsarentalright]

keeping a spreadsheet for tourdust stuff is so fun bc it gives me a chance to fully look over everything at once and go. there is something wrong w these men there are insane things happening here

[queenerdloser]

love making exhaustive, beautiful, meticulous spreadsheets for random ass shit that i then never use again. there is no better timesuck than a precisely formatted spreadsheet. i could and have wasted hours on that shit

[arcadian-vampire]

How to not be anxious about upcoming therapy appt: Start a project relating to your special interest, so you end up glancing at the clock feeling more annoyed than anything else

[eggmeralda]

I ended up recording bits of songs and mixing them and now I've accidentally finished like 2 of them but shoutout to the winning result which I already did a few days ago unfortunately

[xxshadowcasterxx]

MUSIC TO MY EARS | MAGNUS ARCHIVES JMART AU THINGIE (Just the Basic Overview)

Basically, it's an AU where everything happens the same but slightly different.

So, after the events of Season 5, Jon and Martin are (mostly) fine ((Let me be delusional))

They live in their own Somewhere Else, taking place in a kind of limbo that's centered around the Safehouse.

In the Safehouse, Martin and Jon make a bet as to whether they would fall in love in any other universe, where things were even slightly different, and Fate didn't pull them together the way it did here.

With Jon's connections to the Eye and the Web, he and Martin are able to spectate another universe. However, unbeknownst to them, they have some small influence over the events that play out.

In the Somewhere Else, Jon and Martin play different records in their homes, each of which influences the events that play out in the other universe.

Anyways yeah if you wanna hear more about in send me an ask or DM. Hopefully I'll have the first chapter out by the weekend :)

ALSO I HAVE A PLAYLIST AND A SPREADSHEET SO HMU IF YOU WANNA CHECK EM OUT

People who wanted to know (I love y'all):

@autism-criminal @brieflie @songboylyric

[irlpinkiepie]

anyway update on what i've been up to, since it's been a year since i've posted anything at all and much longer than that since i've actually talked about my life in any detail on here:

still in cleveland! left my parents' a few months after i graduated to go live with friends from uni (sidenote, if you are in a position to do so? holy shit, move out from your parents', it is crazy worth it) and now those friends are partners! might be nice to move someplace else sometime if those partners are up for it, maybe somewhere on the northeast corridor? but as it stands i am fucking loving this city even if it does not quite fulfil my childhood expectation of 'hey i have lived in the same country for more than two years, that's kinda weird'

i have a job now! a like, actual full-time job, which is still wild given quite how long i kinda expected that that would be something i would never be able to manage on account of the Autism. turns out though that people will pay you to just look over spreadsheets and write documents for them? would that it were easier to find such a place which paid better and had a better work culture but, such as it is

speaking of partners actually, i am up to uh. five now! it turns out that i have an absurd amount of love in my heart and basically the only reason that number is not greater than five is because of the aforementioned having a full-time job and not really having the time in the day to have more partners than that. so cool to be the weird freaky polyamorous trans girl i always dreamed i would be though

oh yeah! bottom surgery! hopefully that's gonna be soon! i've got an appointment next week to get the last of my insurance letters, and then fingers crossed i can get a follow-up and make it happen sometime next year? have i talked about getting bottom surgery at all on here? well i am not going to go into too much detail on a sfw post but the gist is i found out that there was a way to do bottom surgery that let you have both and was like 'oh my god okay this perfectly captures the way i want my body to look' and immediately called up a surgeon's office to schedule a first appointment

chicken pet. need i say more

writing again! for the first time in a good long while, taking a story i wrote a couple years ago and pulling it out of the shared universe in which it originally resided so that i can do more of the things i wanted to with it. if you're one of the like, two or three people who knows what that story is from that description, i'll put the original back up once i'm finished with the rewrite and have a place to link it to people; i would like to have the chance to tell this story on my own terms, but i absolutely don't want it to be completely lost media

cycling! one of the perks of living in a big city it turns out is that it's actually easy to get to places and so i have been cycling a whole bunch just out of practicality, but it turns out that it's also just really fun to do? absolutely not a sport cyclist by any means, my bike is a $200 cruiser from target, but it's just so so nice to go outside and do things and perform physical activity

in short: i feel like life has been generally pretty darn great! and i am glad to be able to share that here with y'all

[diamonddiancie10]

I really should get back to posting, just really haven't found the groove and what with the recent collapse of social media as we've known it, it has felt more daunting and scary to put myself out there.

Algorithms and people like consistency, to have a regular output of content, to have some sense of pattern so that the content creators don't fade into obscurity and that makes it more difficult for me just from the pressure even because I know that I lack the ability to perform consistently. Executive dysfunction, social anxiety, rejection sensitivity, autism, perfectionism: so much in my life makes it difficult to put myself out there as much as I want.

How should I format my posts? How formulaic and professional should they be? How frequently should I post? In what order? What do I post? I've even written scripts that create formatted images and write posts about my Pokémon for me based on everything I've put in my spreadsheet that I keep updated, all I have to do is actually assemble the posts then post them; but, I find that they often feel too impersonal and as much as people say that my format is charming, I find issue with how Pokémon like Ungudar will end up tiny and those like Rhinerjar end up huge:

But what should I do instead? What's the fix? I don't know!

It's okay that I don't know, I don't need to have everything figured out! But, I have a hard time internalising that no matter how much I say it to myself and others. Algorithms also aren't so forgiving, but maybe that's okay, too. Getting lots of attention can be overwhelming and I just hope to inspire someone with what I do.

Anyways, Arketa's going great. The final dex is within sight, which is absolutely unbelievable to me even though I can see it for myself.

Arketa also has all of its Gym Leaders and other characters are in progress!

Hell, the region also has a basic design and some locations have names! It's honestly crazy.

I'll try to post more because Arketa's pretty dang awesome and I love seeing people getting inspired and excited by it. I can't promise anything, but I'll leave you with this rough animation on an unfinished model of Bustmuss dancing. :3

[track-maniac]

I haven't been diagnosed with autism but

I love keeping things sorted with numbers and this reflects in my use of spreadsheets for ridiculous stuff. Right now my best example is a "Anime" spreadsheet. It has 6 sheets in total. The main one keeps track of multiple score indicators from different sources for (as of writing) 328 anime series I haven't watched yet. I have made a custom function that computes a total score by using the 4 base score indicators. I then sort the entire spreadsheet to have the highest score at the top, and I watch that anime.

Anyway one of the base scores is "how many times a stranger recommended it to me" so reblog this with your favourite anime.

[dee-is-for-lots-of-things]

THE GAIMAN BOOKS OF MAGIC IS SO GOOD

[queentheweeb]

Shouta Aizawa X Autistic Female Reader

A/N: Your quirk is time reverse meaning you can revert an event or de-age a person

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were always told that you weren't going to be a mother. At first, it started once you were diagnosed with autism at 18 months old. You didn't understand what Autism has to do with your ability to be a proper mother or parent. You could have easily googled it, ask your therapist for help as well as checked out books at the library as well. Everything would have worked out fine. Once you made that reasoning to your parents that's when they told you that no one would want to be with you so how do you plan on having children? Well, you can always adopt or even go to a sperm bank - at least that's what you found out on google you're not sure how true or safe that might be. Your parents stopped bringing up the talk of you having children since apparently you had an answer for everything. It wasn't your fault they were being difficult and you had solutions for their difficulty. You had other things to worry about. You wanted to work an office job inputting data into a computer. You always loved numbers and anything that had to do with electronics. You weren't good at writing and reading since there were too many confusing sayings. 

"stop pulling my leg"

"cat got your tongue"

"I guess the cat's out of the bag now"

"killing two birds with one stone"

You didn't understand what any of those sayings meant. Your speech therapist and special education teacher explained to you that those were forms of figures of speech. Well, it was a good thing you didn't have to focus so much on those things. Your job here at U.A didn't require for you to grade essays and create lectures and power-points based on readings. You would have lost your job within the first week and that was giving yourself too much credit. You would leave that kind of thing to your husband Shouta. You met Shouta here actually when you first got the job 5 years ago working for the Guidance Counselor Hound Dog creating spreadsheets and putting in names and numbers of students and their guardians for him. You remember the first conversation -you think it was anyway- you had with Shouta 

"Hey, Mr. Ryo is it okay if you can see I did it right? I don't want to mess up or make you angry." You had confided in him that you had autism and you made a lot of mess ups. He checked it over for you and with a couple of spelling errors that he fixed you were good to go. 

"Here you go, I'm going to print this out. I have some papers I need you to bring to Shouta Aizawa. He will be in the teacher's lounge." You nodded your head waiting for him to pass the papers he was talking about to you. In 2 minutes he gave you a folder with Shouta Aizawa on it. "Come back here once you gave him the folder. Thank you." You nodded your head and left his office heading straight for the teacher's lounge. You didn't know who he was so calling his name was your best bet. Once at the lounge you entered and saw two people inside. A quiet black-haired man sitting in the corner grading papers and a loud blonde-haired man sitting across from him. 

"U-Um excuse me, I'm looking for Shouta Aizawa." The dark-haired man raised his head to look at you. 

"That would be me." You went right up to him, handed the papers to him, bowed, and made a beeline out the door. You absolutely refused to do something silly in front of the pretty man. He was pretty. 

Since then, you had more interactions with him and it led to outings, dates, doing a couple of things and eventually him popping the question to marry you 15 months ago. The two of you have been married for almost a year and a half already. You were wondering when he was going to mention having children. You were 28 and he was 30, the two of you were at the perfect age to have children. 

"Hey Y/N! How are you?" You turned to Hizashi. He was always loud but, when he found out that you don't like loud noises he tries his best to keep his voice and actions to a minimum. It was both appreciated and made you sad because you didn't want him to stop being himself because of you. He never made a fuss about it though. 

"I'm doing fine, how are you?" This is how the two of you always started a conversation and, you loved it. It was routine and you were glad he never tried to change it. One time he did and when you freaked out because it threw you off the whole day, he made sure to stick to the routine which made you feel better. The two of you talked until Shouta came in looking frantic capture weapon in hand. 

"The League is here. Y/N stays here and guides the children far away from the front of the school. Come Present Mic." Hero names meant this was serious. You took a minute to take a few steadying breaths trying not to panic. Once you calmed down enough you left the safety of your office and looked up and down the quiet hallways. You checked all the classrooms towards the front of the school only to see that no one was there. That was good that meant they were informed already along with other teachers to move to the front. That meant the heroes were fighting them if the loud explosion and blue fire you can see from the window were any indications. You decided to hide in the Guidance Counselor room for now once you checked to make sure the children were in fact in the farthest training ground in the back of the school. You were nervous and when scared you liked to check facts. The weirdest and worst time in the world to do that but, that's what you did. You pulled up as much information as you can about the League and read over it all. Maybe you can help somehow. 

"Tenko Shimura known as Tomura Shigaraki was the grandson of former pro hero Nina Shimura" 

That was a shock to you. Intrigued you read everything you could about Tenko and he was a normal kid at first. When his quirk first appeared he accidentally killed his family dog and then the rest of the family. That was horrible. He was later found by Japan's most notorious villain All for One and he's the reason why Tomura was born. Once you finished his file you read Toga and there wasn't much. Her parents hated her for her quirk and in middle school, she attacked a student for his blood and she disappeared after. You rubbed your face realizing you were crying. Life was so unfair for the two of them. If only they can get a redo at life. 

"That's it!" That's it! You can use your quirk on them and turn them back to children. You can give them another chance at life. If you can get them together and touch them with your quirk activated at the same time the nosebleed and headache will be worth it. The only problem was that you were frightened and hiding while they were fighting in front of the school. You were trying to think of something to do when you felt the wind. You turned with wide eyes to see a purple vortex appear on the other side of the room nearest to the door. 

"So this is where Eraserhead keeps you." You blinked. Tomura was in front of you. He was standing right there in front of you. With Toga. Right behind him. When you said you wanted a plan you didn't mean this. "He has good taste." You had no idea what that meant but, you didn't like the way Toga looked at you. 

"Do you think she tastes as good as she looks?" She was blushing holding a bloody knife. You didn't want to think about who she stabbed. "I'm going to find out." The girl was fast and, you were barely able to avoid her throwing yourself across the desk. You were going to have to ask Shouta for lessons if you survived this. You kept dodging as she threw herself at you. 

"Stop trying to stab me!" You weren't going to say how you want to help. That'll make them angry and you might really die. It seemed they were toying with you right now. You continued dodging Toga not noticing Tomura who was inching forward.

"We need to take her alive." Did he want to kidnap you? Not on your watch! You were still scared. Frightened but, you wanted to live and help too. You pushed Toga away momentarily only to practically bump into Tenko. He grabbed your wrist fast with four fingers making you freeze and panic. You felt Toga pressing herself to you holding a knife to your neck.

"Oh, she's so pretty Tomura! Can I cut her? Just a little bit?" You were already bleeding so why did asking matter? You were stuck. You had them both here in front of you and your quirk at your fingertips. You had to be quick enough to grab both of their hands. Your quirk will work in a second if you can pull this off. 

"Forgive me Tenko Shimura" His eyes widen jerking back at the name but, you didn't let him. You grabbed his pinky while grabbing Toga's free hand at the same time. Your quirk activated and before they can decay you or stab you there was a bright light and nothing. The only reason you knew the quirk worked was the painful headache and nosebleed you had. It was hard to focus but, you looked down at the feel of tiny hands on you. You looked down to see a baby Tenko and a baby Himiko. You did it. Your crazy plan worked. "It worked."

"A-are you an h-hero?" Were you a hero? That was funny. You fell down to your knees and opened your arms. The two of them looked at you scared so you waited. In two minutes they both went in for a hug. You thought it was awkward but, they snuggled into both sides of your neck. 

"Are you my new mommy?" It was Himiko who asked. That brought tears to your eyes as you hugged her closer.

"I could be. I could be your mommy and his mommy." You know nothing in life is this easy and there was going to be a lot of legal problems and other stuff but, it will be worth it. You just hoped Shouta wouldn't leave you once he sees what you did.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

What are your thoughts?

[carolsideblog]

Undiagnosed Autism in Adults | Being Shamed for Special Interests

What is a Special Interest?

I’m 27 and I have autism.

Therefore, I have special interests. Generally speaking, in the context of the autistic spectrum disorder, a special interest is... just genuinely hard for me to describe or explain? Here are some links with definitions of special interests.

Autism Fandom Wikia

Ambitious About Autism

Amythest Schaber - Ask an Autistic, What are Special Interests?

Purple Ella - Autism & Special Interests 

... long post ahead / cw for cussing and swearinig ...

The Comfort of my Special Interests

My special interests are things that I’m deeply passionate about and something that I latch onto, almost as a coping mechanism. I have a variety of special interests that shift in and out of focus through out the months in a year, but I could prattle on and ON AND ON for HOURS about any of them.

When I’m immersed in my current favorite special interest, I am over the moon. I feel productive, the world makes sense, I feel like my life makes sense, and I can calm down faster from a stressful, overwhelming day.

Adulthood and the Expectations of Neurotypicals

But in adulthood, it’s generally not seen as a mature thing for an old woman in her twenties to STILL be fucking talking about “dumb shit.” Shit that’s “bad,” shit that’s “problematic,” or shit that’s not for “my age group.”

I don’t fucking know what women in their late twenties are supposed to do. I’m not a sensible enough of an adult to know.

I also know very well that my shit is problematic, bad, and/or not for my age group. I probably researched 5 hours straight on my special interest for nearly a month when I discovered it. I know books, games and movies that I’ve taken a shine to forwards and backwards, I know deep-cut fandom jokes in different things I like, I know who created what and when.

But this isn’t impressive to anyone. To the rest of neurotypical society, one needs to have a bunch of light hearted little hobbies that you can switch too whenever you want because that’s “healthy.” It’s “not healthy” whatsoever (apparently) to STILL be talking about something that I love, because I’m an adult and I should have hobbies and I should have a job filing away things and writing data in spreadsheets like a good little working woman.

Or whatever, I don’t know.

Guilt, Shame and Stigma

I just... don’t understand why people shame people for the things that bring them joy, even if the things that bring them joy are objectively poor quality or badly made. The things I love make me happy, and they make me happy for lots of different reasons.

Some reasons include...

It was close to my childhood and I have a strong attachment to it

It was the lifeline I clung onto when I was going through a rough part of my life and the memories I have of it bring me comfort

I felt proud investing time in researching information, collecting memorabilia, and becoming an “expert” in that special interest

To me, my special interests were so important to my ability to cope, it got to the point where some parts of them became almost like an addition to my identity; my special interests are part of who I am and how I navigate the world. It might come from not really having a strong sense of self in the first place, I don’t know.

So when people scold me for still talking about my special interests, or make passive aggressive, off-hand comments about my special interests, or when they’re even out-right criticizing my special interests, (”It’s a bad book, it’s a bad game, the movie sucks,”)

Even if I know they’re right, it feels like an attack on me. It feels like they’re scolding me for liking the things I like. It feels like they’re criticizing me for liking something bad. It feels like they’re being passive aggressive and unfair because they don’t like me.

Rationally and logically I know this isn’t true. But it still feels like an emotional punch in the gut. It still feels like people are policing what I should and shouldn’t like. And it pisses me off and makes me ruminate.

An Open Letter to Neurotypicals 

Hello, ally.

Life is hard. You and I both know that. But thankfully, there are loads of things in this world that can bring us joy. We have lots of things to keep us entertained, to socialize over, and to be passionate about.

But I get it: someone in your life keeps talking about that one thing all the time. Maybe you’re tired, maybe you’ve heard so much about this thing before, you’ve had enough or got bored. I dunno? But you’re tank is empty and you need a break, and that’s fair.

If for whatever reason your friend won’t shut up about something they really seem to love and it makes them happy... Be nice about it I guess?

If I could say anything to any neurotypical that I’ve spoken too in my lifetime right now, it’s this: be frank, honest, and straightforward. Don’t beat around the bush and don’t “drop hints.” Don’t always rely on people figuring it out for themselves. Just because things might come naturally to you doesn’t mean those same things come naturally to others. And this is okay, I only ask that you communicate clearly and honestly when you can.

If a topic is getting tiresome to you and you need a break, just tell them. Most of the time, it will be fine. When you’re up for it and wondering about a hobby or interest that someone told you about, bring it up with them again. It might brighten their day.

You don’t have to participate in the special interest of a friend if you don’t want too. Just be there for your friends, lend an ear if you can, and be supportive.

An Open Letter to the Neurodiverse

Hello, friend.

Don’t let people get you down about your special interests. If there’s something in this world that makes you passionate, that keeps you up at night because you’re so excited, that makes you rush to wake up  because you want to do your Favorite Thing in the Entire World™, then please keep embracing that thing.

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t fit the standards of neurotypicals. You don’t have to please people. If people are giving you a hard time because something makes you happy??? They’re probably not the right people to be around anyway. Someone in your life just kinda humoring you and you wish you had more? Same! But it’s okay. People who love you are listening as best they can, but please, I promise you if you keep looking, you will find your like-minded people and you will be able to find people to talk about your passions with.

If it makes you happy, if it brings you joy, if it brings you comfort, please don’t let that go if people keep nagging you for it. You have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed for something that helps you cope, that keeps you grounded, that makes you happy.

Also know that as much love and joy and comfort that your special interest gives you... remember you are still a whole entire person. You can wear your special interest as apart of you if you feel that brings you the most honest and genuine comfort and joy, but just remember that you don’t need to be limited to just this one thing. You have full permission to also be anything else you want to be in addition to this special interest. This is not to scold or shame you, but this is to remind you that you are a valid, whole person, and you are allowed to transform however you want too.

Closing Ramblings and Musings

I’ve been really bothered by this.

Like I’ve been thinking about this a lot, on again and off again, since November.

Through out my life, people have made lots of comments about my hobbies and the things I like. Most of them negative.

From the music I like to listen too, the bands and groups I follow, to the books I loved to read, to the movies I like to watch, to the games I love to play. I have my own genuine criticism and critiques that I have for a variety of things that fall under my special interests. I’m passionate and thorough with my feedback because I love all of my special interests so much, and I know they could be better.

I have a lot of complex feelings and a lot of things to reconcile with my special interests. It’s so hard to grow up and start to learn and realize how... bad they are all. How problematic some are, how poor quality or laughably simple they all are. I can give you all of my different reasons for why I like them and I could tell you all day about how I know they’re all bad... but I know some of the things I love are just laughing stocks and punching bags in pop culture to the neurotypical society. 

But I can’t just let them go. That’s what I couldn’t stop thinking about in November and December. I really just couldn’t let these things go. For personal reasons, for nostalgia reasons, for coping reasons. I love these things. And I carry a lot of guilt and frustration with myself because I can’t let these things go. I can’t just switch to new fandoms, new books, new movies, new groups. At least, maybe not yet. I don’t know.

I just don’t know. I want to reclaim the parts I love but I know that It’s not a real solution. There’s such a major divide between the special interests I love and what I actually believe in and stand for. They directly conflict with each other and it’s frustrating and complicated.

I really don’t know how to close this post, to be honest. This post won’t solve the problem I have. It won’t explain to the people who scolded me for my special interest, it won’t make them understand or forgive me about why I keep talking about a stupid book with a bad premise, it won’t make them understand why I have “bad taste” or why a 27 year old woman won’t shut up about something largely assumed “meant for kids.”

This was just to vent and maybe lend hope to people feel the same way or have the same struggles.

[nightklok]

Writing Prompt! 1-4!

Fun Meta Asks for Writers

This turned out long I’m sorry sdflkj

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  –   what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

God I have quite a ton but I’m gonna narrow it down to at least four-

Planet Rain: I had this idea for a long time of the prophecy possibly requiring Charles to be stabbed by one of the boys, this being Pickles-Now it’s mainly about the prophecy actually never being finished because none of their incarnations made it past that so they have to restart the prophecy to try and progress further. Three chapters of sadness and angst but there’s a bittersweet ending at least! I guess I just love how it’s something I kinda need to write; it feels like those fics that just give you the comfort or vent you may need and it does just that!

Charles’ guitars headcanon: Inspired by the extras where Charles mentions owning a guitar, it goes from the first to the last guitar (as of 2006) he received, bought, or was gifted and was either kept or taken from him in some way or another. I think it’s the research on guitars and the era/pop culture of the time that really slows it down (but I’ve gotten into Johnny Carson and Huey Lewis because of this!) but I think it’s just fascinating getting to learn about that and what songs, tv, celebrities he would’ve grown up with! I don’t know if anyone else headcanons it, but I did also research what it was like growing up with autism that slipped under the radar and it’s amazing to find just how relatable the stories were even for 2020 (which I guess just means that society probably hasn’t really progressed on treating people with autism but that’s probably another discussion-) I just love how much I’m learning because of this fic and hopefully it will be accurate enough-

Before We Die: Another idea I’ve had for a long time! Basically just taking the concept of Pickles’ reaction to Charles’ return after nine months but making it more sad and angsty because I feel like with Pickles, he can be either happy and forget everything he suffered those nine months or completely remember it and be so emotionally distraught-I’m just going with the latter-It’s probably a fic that’s difficult to write just by being unsure how to go about it. I am quite a number of words in though (about 10,000-) I think it’s just definitely an idea I really love and it’s one of those stories where I never thought it would end up being so expanded and detailed on-it’s taking longer than I expected but I still love it all the same!

Chickles bakery AU fic i’ve talked about like five hundred times and actually writing this time: Anytime I talk about this I end up adding more and i think this is the final time I’m adding more to this-but basically the premise is Pickles takes the wrong bus and goes to New York instead of California. Eventually, he finds a job at a local french bakery in a collegetown, and does meet Nathan, Skwisgaar, and Magnus. Through them, he’ll meet Charles and they just end up slowly bonding over the uncertainity of the future and music. And then there’s probably a chapter or two where they go to Wildwood, NJ because I say so but I’m sure that’ll be a central part of  the story probably it’s not just the yearning talking no it’s not-I did manage to outline this story and I guess it’s outdated but I hopefully will be able to write at least chapter one and publish it otherwise I may never will-I think it’s just fun getting to learn about the 80s life in new York/New Jersey and getting to see what I can use from personal experiences there!

This did inspire me to make a spreadsheet of the fics I have in progress so here’s my google spreadsheet of (most of) the fics I’m working on far! I am still in the process of working on this and if I’m still planning to write whatever I had initially planned on last trope bingo, it might expand to 20 possibly-

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

I think I’m just gonna put this for general as I feel I answered it above! But honestly, I think it’s just getting to putting my ideas into words! The outlining and drafting process is one thing I’m especially looking forward to as it means I’m one step closer to finishing these hellscapes of never finished fics :’)

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

I think it’s just gotta be smut in general? Because man that looks fun to write but I’m not sure how to actually incorporate that into my writing-I did actually write one out of context smut scene that ended up inspiring Before We Die but now I’m just unsure about even including it there because it doesn’t really fit the tone anymore or at least I don’t think it does-I’ll just attach what I wrote here. And let anyone judge this or something- (This is highkey NSFW but there is some slight story to it that I think you can easily gather from what I summed up earlier and what’s provided. The only warning is that it’s not gonna end happy-)

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

I’m sure it’d be better if I used something that’s actually being published or something but it was this paragraph that I quickly thought of so here’s this paragraph-

There was for a moment that vulnerability once again. For just a moment, he was just some scared teenager like him from a tough home life trying to figure himself out. He wasn't the rebellious and over-confident singer of a band that was slowly tearing itself apart between the headlines. It would be a moment forever ingrained in Charles' mind as vivid and clear as his childhood home. 

This is one of the earlier fics I wrote back in March and with no real clear idea or anything like that but it’s kinda special to me! I don’t think it’s the first Chickles fic technically but I think this helped me figure out how to write them and their relationship, especially in the past. I feel like a lot of us (even myself) forget that Pickles was 16 when he joined Snakes N’ Barrels and he’s still basically baby-I think that much pressure and fame toppled with the drugs and alcohol he consumed made it a lot to handle for him. He must’ve had to hide whatever he felt for the sake of being famous all while being taken advantage of by an industry that saw his flaws and quickly took control of whatever cracks he couldn’t hide. Having someone, like Charles, I think would’ve just been nice for Pickles to have because he would’ve provided the balance in his life and been the person he could actually be himself around. And Pickles in turn would do the same to Charles-I’m gonna stop myself before i pull out a full essay but honestly I think I might be able to at least breathe life into that paragraph and have it part of a full blown fic-hopefully-:’)

[casual-romantic]

Samurai Love Ballad Party is Pretty Great

For someone with not one but two sideblogs devoted to Samurai Love Ballad Party, I sure do rag on Voltage a lot. So, in the spirit of the holiday (and definitely not because I’m procrastinating real work), a list of reasons why I’m still playing this game eight months in.

Realistic characters No, they’re not realistic in terms of power levels or historical fact, but nearly all of the characters in SLBP feel like real, actual people. Both virtues and faults can be found in abundance. Furthermore, whether a given trait is a virtue or fault can switch depending on the context. This is key to making a character seem real instead of just a list of traits on a spreadsheet.

For example, Mitsuhide is meant to be a perfect samurai. That’s great - until his devotion to duty and people means he might be separated from MC forever. Yukimura’s innocence and faith in people leads to both good things (hooking up with MC, being friends with Saizo) and bad (leaving himself wide open to being taken advantage of).

Distinct characters Despite a sprawling cast, each character is very different from each other and easy to tell apart at a glance.* That's pretty hard to do! SLBP also adheres to a philosophy espoused by OKCupid** back when they did interesting dating math about how some people thinking a person isn't hot only makes that person more attractive to other people.

*Except for their chins. I swear every male character in this game has the exact same jawline.

**Seriously, if you have any interest in otome games and why controversial characters make the most money read that post. OKC used to have the most amazing blog back when it was run by two statisticians.

Historical setting SLBP massages history a lot, but there’s quite a lot that’s actually pretty accurate (or close enough that you can at least recognize the key events when you read a wikipedia article). I like that. I also like that it gives a very interesting canvas for the writers to play with.

If you’ve ever seen Project Runway or a similar competition, you've probably noticed people do their best work when they’ve got a limitation or two stymieing them because it makes them think more creatively. In the case of SLBP, how will they handle Shingen’s well-known end? Nobunaga is the first unifier - what was it like for the people working for and against him at that time? There were more guns in Japan than Europe in the late 1500s - how did that play out on the battlefield? Restaurant workers from Kyoto weren’t likely to meet multiple samurai lords - how do you get around that believably? There’s a lot of neat stuff to delve into.

Complementary relationships If you like one member of the Date clan, you'll probably like the others. Same goes for Kai. Nobunaga's followers are a more mixed bunch, but that's only fitting because he's got the "big tent" strategy going on as the lord with the most territory. This further contributes to the believability of the stories and makes reading them more engaging. Maybe you like Inuchiyo the best, so you normally wouldn't care so much about a ninja event, but Sakuya's good friends with him so you've got a story to look forward to after all.

Many events There's almost always something to do in SLBP. You're not just limited to five free chapters of the main story per day, even if you're free-to-play. Right now we've got ninja event stories and a samurai fair, we just wrapped up Lord of the Draw with extra side stories and items to get, and there's sure to be another battle on the horizon soon. On the very rare occasions when there’s no event, I realize how much I’ve come to rely on that steady flow of extra content.

Engaged marketing team Voltage is very active on multiple social media platforms and, whether or not they can respond, they do see and pay attention to what fans are saying. They're very encouraging of fanworks and are supportive of their player base. Should be par for the course, but shockingly not as common as you would think.

Pretty good writing I am very critical when it comes to writing. I don't like to see typos, I don't want to have to pause and figure out what's going on because the description was confusing, I do want to each character to have their own individual voice, and I want good pacing and storytelling in general. For the most part, SLBP does a good job and I can largely turn off the editor in my brain and enjoy the stories.

(That's why I get so upset when certain stories don't live up to SLBP's usual standard. I go back into editing mode and can't just enjoy Genya flirting with MC.)

Cute side games I like dressing up my avatar and decorating my castle. I like accumulating a bunch of onigiri to get rewards in the tea garden. I like playing the lotteries to see what I get (need those pearls!). They're all nice little distractions that complement the main game but don't need to be played if you don't want to.

Limited player interaction I can do everything I want in the game without interacting with anyone if I want, or I can make a bunch of allies, compete for a fancy dress, and chat up a storm with someone after complimenting their castle. Block options are available for the rare occasion you need to use them. For me, it's just the right amount of interaction with other players.

Unapologetic fanservice Voltage knows what the fans want and is happy to give it to us (...in exchange for pearls). No need to feel embarrassed for wanting to see Shingen with his shirt off. The stories have also gotten noticeably sexier as I've played, which is nice. Well, sex is an important part of most romantic relationships. It's good to know MC is having her needs met, and it's good to know I can re-read certain epilogues whenever I want in my album.

Autism representation This is pretty niche and may not have even been intended, but Mitsunari is almost certainly on the spectrum. But! He's not portrayed as an asshole who thinks he's always right and justifies being a jerk with a (at the time, non-existent) diagnosis. No, he, like most autistic people, is struggling to do better and learn more about how to interact with others. (Also he thinks he’s almost always right.) And his special interests and ability to retain information come in handy a lot, and he has people who understand him and treasure him for who he is, not in spite of it. That's really great.

Anyway, that's my non-exhaustive list of reasons why I actually really love this game. My complaints are only because I want it to be as good as I know it can be. If I really hated it, I'd stop playing and I'd definitely stop buying pearls. XD

[dragonslaved]

hey gang it’s your pal jack here with some Hot Friendship Tips (tm) 

it’s been with some surprise that I’ve been alive for a decent amount of time and, as such, have been around the old friendship block a few rounds. and i may not be the Champion at Ultimate Friendships, but I’ve seen and learned a lot of stuff that I think might help folks, particuarly friendships with BPD or Autism folks - both as a learning experience for those with it, and those wanting information to better grow friendships with their BPD or autie buds. this is as much me imparting tips to you as it is me reminding myself of these same things as i go through some weird friendbrain stuff.

Something important before i get into it tho is to understand: i’ve made mistakes. i’ve made so many mistakes. you will too! everyone does. what’s important is admitting those mistakes and learning from it and taking action to not make them again when you can. it is like. real fuckin important to let that settle in your brain pan, let it cook a little bit, be the basis of a lot of learning you do in any endeavor in your life.

but as far as Ultimate Friendshipping goes

The Negatives

Not everyone can be your friend. It’s a pretty sad realization and i know jrpgs don’t cater to that mindset well, but it’s just how it is. some people have limited attention/energy/spoons, some people just may not like you. it’s fine! it happens. it doesn’t make them horrible people. it just means their life is in a different place from yours or they just don’t see you as being a part of it. 

Not everyone has the same needs in friendship. with my mental cocktail of brain mess, I need friends to reaffirm our friendship frequently (google: relationship impermanence - actually don’t do that, it brings you nothing but the general idea is here). sometimes a lot of conversation, sometimes just a “hey how’re you this week”. it depends on how i’m doing that week. other people i’m friends with need a lot of space, to come and go as they need. some people need to not have high energy friends in their lives, some people do. its different for everyone and sometimes those needs just aren’t drift compatible in a friendship. and i hate how that sounds but it was explained to me that way and that’s honestly the best explanation for it. 

Not everyone has the same methods in friendship. something else that kinda sucks is when you have that one for sure definite way of winning ultimate friendship and someone else has a different method that doesn’t quite go with the same game plan you set up. like i said up there i have to have consistent reaffirmation of friendship, while someone else i know kinda views friendship like a spreadsheet and has to check off each person as they talk to them that week. does this make them a bad friend? no, it just means their brainmeats work a little differently than mine. as long as we both try and be considerate of that, it works. an important sidenote: some people’s methods of friendship is to use their friends as therapists and don’t do that under any circumstance, this cannot be iterated enough, even if your friend is an actual licensed therapist. see: communicate, below.

People drift. which sucks when you’re really close to someone for any length of time, but people change. experiences change people, life changes people, other people change people. sometimes your interests don’t match up, sometimes it’s distance, sometimes it’s just plain old fucking boring-as-shit life. the best thing to do is just do what you can to let them know you still care and want them in your life and hope for the best. if the friendship drops off, maybe you won’t meet again. maybe you’ll meet at a later date and reconnect, who knows! life is weird. unless they’re doing that weird thing where they’re cutting you out intentionally, don’t hold that against them. it’s exhausting and not worth it tbh.

ALL THAT SAID

The Hot  Tips To Win Ultimate Friendship

Act like friends. This sounds like a no brainer but like! considering all that up there? acting like a friend means different things for different people.  sometimes it is talking to someone to reassure them you’re still friends. sometimes it’s knowing when to give space. sometimes it’s speaking up to someone that hurt your friend, sometimes it’s calling your friend on their bullshit (and i cannot be more clear on this: pick your battles, pick your time and place. sometimes you gotta do this when it happens in the moment, sometimes you gotta wait and breathe and do it privately. you know your friend better than i do and know what’s best. if you still wanna be friends when they do this shit, help them learn and get through it). but don’t fuckin just think to yourself “oh we’re friends they’ll always be there no matter what” because that’s just straight up not true. act like a friend to your friends while you have your friends, my friend. 

Be supportive/positive. hey things happen to different people! sometimes you see your friend is having an AMAZING FUCKING WEEK, all the good shit happening to them while you’re stuck looking at a comically giant-sized plate with a single tiny sprig of broccoli on it. not even a whole thing of broccoli, just a little tiny piece of the top part. and some weeks it may be the other way around. the point is, learn to be genuinely happy for your friends’ successes. jealousy is exhausting and not worth it. on the flip side of that, be supportive. be there when they need someone, be that voice in the dark when they feel alone. that doesn’t mean you have to be there to listen 24/7 with no regard to yourself. but let them know you give a fuck. sometimes just hearing “dude that blows” when they’re having a hard time is all they need.

Communicate. oh boy here’s a toughy. communication is key to literally any endeavor in life and friendship requires it a lot. communicating plans, communicating feelings, communicating anything. not to beat my own clinically depressed horse here, but again, for us folks with bpd we have to have communication, whether it’s a simple “hey thinking about you” or a full sit down dinner hanging with my bud. some people are just bad at communicating! i’m not super great at it and i’m trying to work on getting better; there are some folks i love being friends with but our interests don’t exactly line up so i don’t talk to them as frequently as i used to and that’s half on me. (the other half is that friendship is a two way street and if you wanna be friends you gotta initiate conversation as much as the other person, don’t make them do all the work). hell when i need to vent frustrations, one of the first things i do is first make sure my friend is even in a place they can listen. sometimes they aren’t and i keep my shit to myself or find a different outlet. communication is so important and being kind in how you do that will make friendship go a long way 

anyway that’s just some stuff i’ve learned in my life long training to win Ultimate Friendship Championship and maybe this will help you rank up some too

[momentumgo]

Angie Taylor

Motion Designer, Animator, Author, Educator www.behance.com/AngieTaylor Brighton, UK Age 54 She/Her

How did you get your start in motion design, animation, or whatever it is that you do?

I graduated with a degree in Sculpture, drawing and humanities from EDINBURGH College of art in 1996. When I left, I thought, “what the **** can I do with a sculpture degree? I’d have loved to just be an artist, but I needed to make money. I had nothing. My choices, in terms of making money quickly were; make gravestones. Or become a prop-maker, I chose the latter.

I moved to London and began my prop-making career in the TV and film industry in 1987. I started freelancing and then got a full-time job making food props for TV and film - anything from non-melting ice cream and chocolate to pigs on spits, lobsters and pizzas. We made props for all sorts of amazing productions including Aardman Animations and the BBC. It was fun figuring out how to make stuff look real but I soon got bored recreating reality. I preferred the idea of surreal.

In my spare time I was deejaying in London’s punk clubs and gay clubs. I met lots of creative people in these nightclubs including; Heaven, FF, Turnmills, The Fridge, The Bell. When I was deejaying I attended a music and technology course to learn about Sampling and sequencing. We used Cubase version 1.0 on Amiga computers. There was also a copy of Deluxe Paint on there and I started playing with it during breaks. I’d make little cycling color animations.

I wanted to do more but I couldn’t afford to buy a computer at the time. My Dad had a Sinclair Spectrum and had the Hobbit game on it. I borrowed that when I could. I loved the idea of sequencing images and storytelling, it really excited me.

One day, when I was dropping off props at the BBC, I saw somebody using a very early beta version of Photoshop1. I thought “I want to do that!”. I realised I needed to make big changes for this to happen. I gave up prop-making and became a full-time Deejay in order to save to buy a computer.

In 1993 I met my wife, Jo. When we got together we spoke about our life goals. We both agreed that we needed a change. So we left London and moved to EDINBURGH. Jo loves books took a job as manager of a big, family-run book shop. I couldn’t find any courses on computer graphics so I enrolled in a course in traditional graphic design and another in IT - just to get access to computers.

The Graphic design course was very traditional - there were no computers. We had to use Letteraset to lay out text. We would enlarge text in a Grant Projector. It was a great course, I loved it. The IT course was also good, I learned the beauty of spreadsheets (no, I’m not joking!)

I also wrote my first tutorial on that course - teaching other students how to copy and paste images into their documents and make screenshots. There was a copy of Corel Draw on the computers. I learned it inside out. But I wanted something more. When I finished the course I was a bit unsure about which direction to turn.

Then one day I went to a party at a neighbours house. He had an Apple Macintosh Classic. I knew these were the dream of every graphic designer so I asked him whether I should get a PC (which I’d learned on) or a Mac.

“Ooh! Get a Mac!” He replied. “I work for a company called Adobe. If you get a Mac, I’ll get you a copy of Photoshop to help you get started”. I wasn’t really aware of who Adobe were but I’d seen Photoshop and was so grateful to him for this offer. I really don’t know where my career would be today without that lucky break. (Thanks Rory!)

So I saved, and saved, the bought myself my first computer. It was an Apple Power Macintosh 8500. He brought me a lovely, new, cellophane-wrapped copy of Photoshop 3. I watched a free video tutorial that was on the installation CD by the amazing Russell Brown. I thought, “this is what I want to do!”

As a thank you to my friend, I made him a card. I took a picture of his new-born baby. I scanned it, added a Mohawk hairstyle, tattoos saying “Mum” and “Dad” on her knuckles, and a leather jacket. All done in Photoshop. He was blown away with what I’d done. He asked me to come and show people at Adobe how I’d done it. As a result of this, Adobe asked me to do some Photoshop demos at a trade show in Amsterdam called CGIX. That’s when I first saw After Effects. It was version 2.0, it was love at first sight! I’ve been in love ever since!

My friend, Rory, got me a copy of After Effects and I was obsessed! I got myself the Total AE by Total Training course and watched it back to back, at least twice. Brian Maffitt is still the best After Effects teacher IMHO. I practiced for about 6 months, 12 hours a day while my lovely partner earned a daily income. I also started doing more demo work for Adobe. Doing After Effects demos as well as Photoshop, Illustrator and Premiere. But that wasn’t earning me enough and I really wanted to get into motion graphics.

I sent letters to about 40 production companies telling them I had a home setup to create motion graphics with After Effects and could be employed on a freelance basis. This was 1996, in those days most people laughed if you suggested using AE for TV graphics or animation. Luckily one person gave me an opportunity. He was interested in new technology and ran a business called Atacama Films (www.atacamafilms.co.uk) making films for museums. So I got my first AE job doing graphics on a film for the Cook Museum in Middlesbrough. From there things slowly grew by osmosis.

I worked for about 20 years, freelancing for other companies and directors. In between jobs I was still doing demo work at trade shows and events for Adobe, Wacom and Apple. I was lucky enough to work with great some great directors, including Chris Cunningham and John Williams. I also worked on projects with great artists and musicians such as; The Slits, Beck, Joan Armatrading. I produced motion graphics for the BBC, Channel 4 and other TV and film companies.

However being a designer didn’t come naturally to me. I was trained as a fine artist so loved to experiment and hated having to constrain my ideas to please clients - I found this to be very restrictive. The stuff I liked was not really inline with the latest design trends which I found to be boring and formulaic. I have never enjoyed creating stuff that looks like everyone else’s. It’s like fashion, I’ve never understood why everyone would want to look the same as each other! This is possibly due to my ADHD and Autism Spectrum Condition. I was diagnosed with these at the age of 54.

During my career I wrote a few books on After Effects and motion graphic design and I began making video tutorials. I enjoyed this creative process more than the work itself. I love helping other people come up with ideas and helping them to solve problems. This was always the stage of design projects I was best at. I find it very hard to focus on the fine-tuning aspects of the job! I need challenges to keep me motivated.

Another thing that motivated me was my negative experiences at art school. I found that it really knocked my confidence and had a detrimental effect on my creativity. Before art school I drew constantly. But art school instilled in me a worry that I was not good enough. That feeling has never left me. Because of this I possibly avoid doing my own work. Teaching others is a great way of doing this!

So I gave up freelancing in 2013 to pursue a career in education. I now run my own business. A private art school called Creative Cabin on the south coast of England, near Brighton. I offer people bespoke, one-to-one tuition as an alternative to traditional art school education. People come to the Cabin and I help them with their creative projects. I hope to inspire them in the career they desire. It’s very rewarding. I also provide “Creative Escapes” - retreat vacations for creative people where they can learn drawing skills, make sculpture, forage and cook wild foods and relax in our beautiful, cliff-top woodlands. I also offer a mentorship service to clients.

Writing books was a struggle for me due to my dyslexia, whips is often comorbid with ADHD. So I started creating video tutorials with a company called Video2brain. They were bought by Lynda.com, who were, in turn, bought by LinkedIn. So my tutorials can now be seen on LinkedIn Learning.

I’ve also struggled throughout my life with anxiety and depression. These conditions are very common in those with undiagnosed ADHD and Autism Spectrum Condition. As a result have probably never achieved as much as I had hoped to. I also had to stop travelling for work due to physical issues associated with these conditions.

How do you balance your work with your personal life? How do the two influence each other?

I’ve always put home and family first so have turned down a few opportunities that could have taken me away from home. But all in all, I’m happy now to teach other people how to do the work that I love. To be honest, I find it more rewarding than actually doing the work myself. I was never satisfied with what I created anyway!

How have you learned to practice self-care? What do you do to take care of yourself?

My ADHD and Autism have pros and cons. I think my total obsession with After Effects, Illustrator and Cinema 4D are the pros. The cons are that I find it difficult to communicate with other people in a conventional way. I find it easier to get up on stage and do a demo for 500 people than I do having a two way conversation with a client. Funnily enough I’m fine when it comes to training on a 1-2-1 basis - that’s when I’m at my most happy. I have difficulty networking with people. I used to cope with alcohol and drugs. But now that I’m sober, I have to limit the stress in my life. So working from my home based studio, Creative Cabin, with my dog, Elsie, by my side, is where I’m happiest.

As I said,I’ve had a few lucky breaks along the way. Who knows what would have happened without them. My books on After Effects helped me get to the stage where I could get a mortgage and eventually buy our house with the Cabin next door, which I converted into a training studio.

I couldn’t have learned as much as I did without the friendship and help I received from the amazing After Effects community back in the 1990’s. I was part of the IMUG and subscribed to the wonderful Media Motion email user group. It’s was so open and everyone shared everything. There I met lifelong “industry friends’ like Trish and Chris Meyer, Brian Maffitt, Paul Tuersley, Steve Forde, Mark Coleran, Mark Harrison, Philip Hodgetts, Peder Norby, Pete Litwinowicz, Amacker Bullwinkle, Tim Clapham, Simon Harper and others too numerous to mention. We’d meet up at trade shows and seminars where we’d talk about nothing other than technology and animation - That’s the only thing I miss about my old life - the people.

But over the years I’ve learned how important it is to take care of yourself and those closest to you. I always found the traveling hard and stressful. To cope I would drink alcohol. I’d get home from a trip feeling exhausted, emotional and unhealthy. I put on weight and ended up with back and knee issues. Partly from too much sitting at a desk. I have a sit/stand desk so vary my working position as much as possible. I use a Salli swing, saddle chair which has really helped my back.

In terms of keeping well. I see a personal trainer  and a psychotherapist once a week. I cycle everywhere and I swim as much as possible. My best friend is my dog, Elsie. A rescued Staffie-Patterdale (Stafferdale) cross who I walk every day. For my mental health I do mindfulness mediation and listen to inspiring podcasts from the Audio Dharma website.

How do you define success? What would success look like for you?

Success in life is being content and being around those you love. If you can leave something behind that inspires or changes the lives of others, that’s great. But if not, that’s fine too. Just being human is difficult enough. Be easy on yourself and enjoy the life you have.

What advice do you have for those just starting out?

To those who are starting out today I’d say, pick one thing and focus on it. Don’t be persuaded into becoming a multi-tasker like I did, it will only dilute your talents and prevent you from focussing. If you want to learn something don’t use Google or YouTube tutorials. Do a properly structured course that will teach you the fundamentals and principles as well as the cool techniques. And look after your body and mind. You don’t have to crumble before you learn that your health is the most important asset you possess.