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priestessame · 1 year ago

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Jing Yuan☆

♡ "A snowball's chance in hell" ♡

Warnings: This is a dark fic. Jing Yuan is a manipulative shit. Power dynamic, dub con, mind break, somno, drug use, gaslighting, degradation, skull fucking, penetrative sex, marking, dirty talk, cum play.

•°*”˜ AFAB female sub! reader

Minors you have no business here pls leave thankyou.

•°*”˜ Summary: The loufu general was a kind man. For the most part. (This man literally makes me so feral I'm sorry for everything that exists under the cut.

The general smiled at you differently.

When you mentioned that to your colleagues, they laughed so hard that one snorted out the energy drink from his nose. You felt your face burn with embarrassment as they doubled over, slapping their knees. Your first thought was that you wouldn't ever mention it to anyone else again. And your next thought was to tell yourself that you were indeed overthinking it.

It was stupid of you to think that way.

You were probably just projecting your own anxiety on his mannerisms. Thinking there was something wrong with his smile was probably because you were nervous to begin with. Right? Why would someone like the general even notice you out of all the new recruits?

Well, he hadn't even seen you before you had actually bumped into him in the hallway, the impact making you fall back on your behind, that he actually saw you.

"s-sorry general." you had stuttered out, half mortified and half starstruck at the sudden encounter. For you, it was a situation out of some romance novel. Wasn't this the moment that the clumsy heroine bumped into the male lead sending papers scattering across the floor. The first time he actually notices her is the moment that sparks the tumultuous romance. An overdone trope but its prospect still made you feel butterflies.

"Are you alright?" he chuckled,

In your head, you had expected to see him the way you had seen him walk along the harbor, with a polite gait and a kind smile tracing his lips. His low chuckles ringing in the late afternoon sun as he allowed himself a glass of wine or more. Everyone there worshipped him, in a place like that how could you see that man as anything less than glorious? You had looked up hoping to see the same image. But that's when he gave you that smile.

Gaunt across his handsome face, it was exactly like the one he gave others, yet there was something morbidly wrong with it. It had given you chills you had never felt like someone had dragged an ice-cold dagger along your back.

"You should be more careful, cadet." He hummed, the skin around his eyes wrinkling as he gave you a departing nod.

The general did smile at you differently.

Most of the time you couldn't tell what it was exactly, but it was like he was masking something sinister underneath. It made you tip-toe around him since then, forever looking over your shoulder waiting for that darkness to actually catch up to you.

Until then, Jing Yuan never thought of himself to be that kind of a man. Someone sick who took a masochistic pleasure in knowing how much power he held over you. In the beginning, he tried feeling guilty about it, for even letting his sick thoughts about you plague him for that long. Yet the way his cock had twitched when you looked up at him, begged to differ.

The way your doe eyes were full of guilt, just for bumping into him. In that moment he had realized the unsurmountable pedestal you had placed him on. You just made it more and more difficult for him to resist the urge.

As the general, it wasn't hard to make sure you weren't sent out on patrol often. It was even easier to get you to agree with what your beloved general was saying. Of course, you would abide by his orders.

In the beginning, he tried to be more restrained. Choosing and picking when and where he could get to you. His little work trip had provided him the perfect opportunity.

You had been so vigilant the entire time. Running around to cater to every need of his dutifully. Not once interjecting his work. Such devotion truly deserved his attention.

It had made it all the more easy to slip you something. With all the trust you had in him, you would have downed it with a single command. But he fed it to you with expensive food and wine, after all he didn't want to scare you away.

As selfish as he wanted to be, he didn't really fuck you. Jing Yuan wanted you to be awake for that, watch your eyes widen as he stretched you out for the first time. To hear your sweet whimpers, bottled them up and down it like old wine.

But still, the scene before him had been nothing short of divine. The flushed face and the fluttering eyes, even when you were drugged out of your mind you still worshipped him. How could he not find devotion like that endearing?

He had taken his time to peel the layers off of you. Teeth grazing your skin, careful not to leave any marks. You really were his perfect doll, letting him rub his sensitive cock over your folds. He had fucked your thighs, eyes pinned on your pretty cunt as he spilled out on your stomach. He knew there and then that the next time had to be inside you.

When you actually did wake up, you were just apologetic. Embarrassed that you had fallen asleep on your general when you were supposed to be on duty. He was mostly amused at how quickly you pushed away the question he asked you about last night. It was fun to see your eyebrows knit as you tried to remember the faint details. The slightly confused glaze in your eyes as you realized how unnatural your memory loss was.

Jing Yuan had just smiled at you kindly, "You were just tired from working so hard." he said. And it had all just worked that perfectly.

But with the work at the Xianzhou increasing, his very precious trips had to be cut down. And now, he had noticed another problem.

The general of the Loufu knights leaned heavily against the window, his eyes following your frame skipping across the street to deliver the daily report. And just like every day, that asshole stopped you again. His anger flared at how badly he wanted to mangle up that stupid knight. The boy followed you like a shadow the moment you stepped outside the confines of the office, his slender eyes perched on your smallest gestures. Jing yuan couldn't tell what was more pathetic, how placidly obvious that man's crush on you was or how oblivious you were to it.

It was forever the same routine, he would watch you cross the street, and then get stopped by that idiot. The knight would scratch the back of his neck awkwardly, fighting to keep the blush off his face as he spoke to you.

Jing Yuan's eyes would be pinned on that reaction, watching it like a hawk from the window of his office. His chest rising and falling in silent anger as he wondered what lethargic conversation he was striking with you. You were too polite to brush off his advances, always so patient with even the most undeserving.

Jing Yuan spun away from his window, it was getting too much now, he had to claim you, split you open on his cock until you couldn't think of anyone but him. His cock throbbed at the thought of you pinned under him, babbling out sweet words of gratitude as he pounded into you. He knew you'd love it, he'd make sure of that. And if couldn't whisk you away, he'd just have to do it right here.

The first opportunity presented itself at once. It was surprising how he didn't even have to initiate anything.

You looked mortified at your actions, wide eyes so apologetic as they gauged the cracked vial of perfume on his desk. The perfume doused the general's clothes, the way it had splintered on the table, making the liquid run down the edge staining his trousers.

"Didn't I tell you to be vigilant about this?" He sighed, over your teary apologies.

You hung your head, knowing that it was probably something rare and important that you had broken.

The ends of Jing Yuan's lips quirked in a smile,

"Why don't you start by cleaning up the mess you made?"

He said, slipping his shirt off his shoulders. You looked up confused, the general stood before you impatiently, waiting for you to act on what he had commanded. You faltered shifting on your feet, trying to understand what he was actually asking of you. Your eyes trailed down his bare torso, making you press your thighs together. Did he really want you to undress him?

You shook your head, scrambling forward regardless to do as you were told.

Your mouth went dry, fingers trembling as you unbuttoned his trousers, dropping down on your knees to settle between his legs. His hard bulge painfully noticeable, making a print against his pants.

Jing yuan clicked his tongue. He cupped your face, pulling you against him until you could feel the heat radiating off his body. His eyes pinned on your kneeling form, his thumb tracing your puffy lips playfully. There was something blistering about his gaze, almost wicked with the way his eyes sized you up.

"Use your mouth." he commanded.

This time you faltered. Your heart raced in your chest. His words making you squeeze your thighs together.

Jing yuan tilted his head at your words, "Are you refusing to follow my orders knight?"

You could tell this was crossing a line. Something amoral and wrong, a dangerous line he always teased of crossing but never really did. It made your legs go weak.

"General, that's-" you tried, tears prickling at your eyes. You stopped mid sentence, you wanted to pleasure him so badly, to serve your general in every way you could. With everything he had done for you, how could you not?

"n-no general." you mimed back.

Jing Yuan gave you the same smile again, and it finally clicked in your head like puzzle pieces falling together. You had been too gullible about this hadn't you?

Your fingers pulled his cock out from the restraints of the trousers,

You gave the tip a nervous lick, curling your fingers around the thick base. He looked painfully hard, the pinkish tip already oozing precum. You felt an aching warmth pool between your legs, heat rushed to your cheeks as you realised just how much this fucked up situation was getting you off. He gave out a low groan as you rolled your tongue over the head, fingers sliding down to dig into your hair. The sound made your toes curl.

You continued to run your tongue along his length dutifully, suddenly wanting to feel more of him in your mouth. He hissed as you slipped the sensitive head inside your mouth, wrapping your lips around girth and sucking softly, cheeks hallowing as your warm tongue slipped over the slit.

To actually look down at you being so pliant, trying to fit his cock into your mouth hoping to catch just a few words of praise.

The budding tears made your eyelashes stick to your cheek, "Am I doing it right general?" you moaned out, looking up at him as his cock slipped out of your mouth, coated in your saliva.

Jing yuan smiled at you, blood rushing to his cock at the soft tone of your voice. His fingers slid into your hair as a sense of triumph washed over him.

"You're doing so well." Jing yuan replied, his voice gruffier than usual. His grip on your tightened as he slid his cock back into your mouth deeper. You gagged at his sudden action, jerking forward. Your fingers dug into his thighs as he forced you to take his entire length into your mouth. His smell crept over you, flooding through your senses washing over you as you felt his cock hit the back of your throat. He threw his head back as he moaned, his thrusts getting sloppy as he neared his high. The groans bouncing off the walls of his office. You could feel your mind blank out as he rocked you to and fro. Now this was really filthy wasn't it? Allowing him to use your mouth to get off like that. But it was quiet the sight for you too, to look up at the general and see his head thrown back and his half-clad chest heaving. You felt your pussy squeeze at the sight. The unyielding lion so easily coming undone.

You felt his cock twitch in your mouth and he pulled out suddenly, groaning as he came over your clothed chest. Thick roped of cum spilled over your blouse, he leaned down to kiss up your tears, wiping away the dribbling juices with the palm of his hand.

"My," He mused, eyeing your soiled top, "we're gonna have to get rid of that now."

His touch was gentle, as his fingers pulled on the straps of your Armor. It fell apart atonce. The thin fabric doing nothing to hide your hardened nipples. he could practically smell the arousal and the sweat lining the inside of your uniform.

He bit your ear lightly and you squealed, jerking upwards. Your general held you in place, tone arm wrapped around your middle to firmly plant you where you were. Just the way his fingers brushed against your bare skin, made you hold your breath. Your heart hammered in your chest, the smallest of his touch sending heat pooling between your legs.

The nervousness of the situation making you dizzy. "G-general please." you whimpered out, his teasing touches getting a little too much for you. Every part of your body was so sensitive right now, you could feel the warmth of his body as he pressed into your back, the soft bump of his nose as he traced the line of your neck. Even his sweet breath against your ears as he grazed his teeth over your skin playfully. Everything was blistering hot, it was sending your mind spiralling and he hadn't even really touched you yet.

You couldn't tell if you were begging him to let you go or actually touch you more.

A moan escaped your lips as his calloused hands dug into your clothed breasts, his touch was still gentle, Jing yuan sighed, his nose burying in the crook of your neck.

"You do trust your general don't you?" He drawled out, curling his finger over the hem of your shirt, before sliding it up. You yelped as your perky breasts slipped out eagerly.

Jing yuan was nothing short of gleeful to see your breasts, spilling out of your flimsy top. He liked how they fit in his palms, skin around your nipples hardening under his touch.

"Spread your legs wider." he commanded. Your body jumped out of instinct, instantly embarrassed as he chuckled at your reaction.

"I thought I had someone innocent under my command." He hummed out, trailing his fingers down to your clothed pussy.

His fingers traced the wet spot, the ghost of that touch making you squirm under him.

"I didn't know you were such a filthy slut to begin with." You felt yourself tighten around his fingers. Somehow this touch still felt sinful, you felt like you were being toyed with. Held down between his legs as the general's fingers played with your cunt. Being spread out like that in his lap, facing the door, the slightest movement outside his closed door made you jump. He hooked his thumb around the band of your panties, slipping them off. The cold air kissed your folds, sending thrills of anticipation to you core.

"General- w-we shouldn't." you tried again, your words stuck in your throat as his fingers brushed against your bare clit, dragging out deliciously slow circles.

"What's wrong? You don't like it?" he drawled out, his thumb rolled over your clit as you pressed down a moan "You see how nice and swollen this is doll?"

"that means you like it." he said,

His words made your core flutter around his digits. "N-no that's not-" you sobbed out.

He chuckled as you squirmed from the pleasure, "You're sopping wet for your general," he continued, his fingers slipping from the slick that coated your folds. "Are you really this excited to feel your general's fingers inside you?"

Jing Yuan was having too much fun, letting himself get carried away. He couldn't help it he found everything about you pretty, the sloppy folds, dripping from how he touched you before. The swollen clit, just begging for his attention and your little whimpers as he while he whispered nasty things to you. He really was a sick man, he admitted, playing with his subordinate's sweet cunt and liking it so much.

It wasn't soon before you felt the pleasure coil in your stomach, this slow torturous drags of his fingers, pulling your first orgasm out of you.

Jing Yuan groaned as you tightened around his fingers, spasming as your orgasm washed over you. Tears of humiliation pricked your eyes as the high finally wore off, Jing Yuan cupped your face, slick covered fingers digging into your cheek as he kissed up your tears.

You were so sweet under him, just as he has imagined you would be. At this point he had basically pinned you down and had his way with your body. And still you looked up at him pliant and teary eyed, as if you were still begging for her beloved general's approval.

You felt his teeth graze your neck, as the realisation of what had actually happened crashed into you. Your body throbbed with desire, wanting to taste and feel more of him.

"Good job" he murmured against your neck, the intensity of the whole situation making you tremble against him. He wasn't quite done with you yet, but you knew that like a cat only playing with its mouse, he'll just let you go today.

Make you squirm away from him in the lobbies and have you buckle under his gaze until he's had a fill of the fear. And keep you wondering when he would pounce next.

"Please, have a seat." he said, gesturing for you to sit before him.

You gulped as he placed the drink before you, the greenish liquid sitting in the sake cup suspiciously. Jing yuan's amber eyes pinned on your frame, waiting.

"It's just rice wine." he hummed out.

Liar.

It was his patience with things like this that truly chilled you. His awareness of how you didn't really have any other choice but to do as he said. But he just liked to play it as if he was being a gentleman and giving you agency. While the truth was that you could show hesitation, reluctance even, but it didn't matter.

Your fingers dug into your skirts nervously as you did sit down. For wine, the drink smelly sickly sweet. Its faint scent wafting through the room, it already made your head hurt. His eyes crinkled in approval at your action, "I'm sure you'll find the drink agreeable." He said.

Your core throbbed painfully as you watched him coil his slender fingers around the bottle to pour himself another drink. Well, at least he was drinking it himself too.

Reluctantly, you brought it to your lips, taking a nervous sip of the liquid. It was watery, somewhat sweet yet tardy. You missed his smile as you drained your glass, it wasn't bad at all. It almost felt like you had tasted it before.

The taste was familiar.

It was the same taste you had woken up with curling in your mouth every time you went on the travels with him. It was what had made you wake up dazed and confused.

Your stomach dropped as the room spun around you. The pillows felt so soft, sinking like clouds under your weight as the general pushed himself over you.

He pinned you under him as he brushed off the strands of wry hair from your face, whispering sweet things against your skin, as a strange haze made your head feel heavy.

His thumb ran along your puffy lip, pressing his mouth over yours. His tongue felt hot and warm against yours, the sweet-liquid rolling down your chin. The kiss started innocently, only to become messy and hungry, growing more and more needy by the minute. You tried to keep up feverishly, the softest of his touches seemed to sear into your skin, sending your core throbbing. You mewled out under him, a strange haze covering your mind.

You had expected it to be intoxicating, but you hadn't expect it to be an actual aphrodisiac. Your body would already get sensitive under his touch, but this made you feel like your skin was on fire. His kisses trailed down your jaw, fingers sliding under your shirt to feel more of your skin. It wasn't enough. His calloused had reaching down to wipe your chin,

"More~" You pleaded out, begging him to touch and feel you more. Your mind continued to grow foggier,

He cupped your face pulling it forward to kiss your face again, you murmured against his lips as he pulled away, "If I knew you'd be this willing, I would have had you awake the first time."

Jing Yuan tipped the bottle over you, letting the drink pour down your chest. You squirmed as it felt cool against your burning skin. His tongue dragged up along your skin to taste you, pulling at your sensitive skin, fingers reaching up to knead into the softness of your breasts.

Jing yuan chuckled, "Did you wait for this so much doll?" He cooed out, watching as you arched your back rubbing your clothed core against his bulge.

He pressed you forward forcing you to present to him and the drug made you stumble face first into the pillows. "How awful of me." he feigned, lifting up one leg until he pressed your knee into your shoulder. You buried your face in your fingers from the embarrassment. The position just completely exposed you to him.

"General, please." you mewled out,

You yelped as he kissed up your cunt lightly, trying to not get carried away. All he wanted to do was flatten his tongue against your folds and eat you out until you were crying. But his cock was painfully hard in his trousers, and he finally had you where he wanted, it would be too cruel not getting to fuck you.

"Do you really want your general to ruin you like this?" His eyes narrowed, voice tinged with a hostility that was nothing like him. Your breath hollowed as you replied, "Y-yes."

"Beg."

Your legs kicked out impatiently, the need to feel him inside you now starting to hurt, "Please fill me up" you begged him, "Make me your slut General, please- please." you babbled out.

The tip bumped into your entrance and you yelped out his name, he slid his cock up against your folds, digging into your throbbing clit before sliding down towards your entrance again.

His cock collecting your slick as he continued to tease you still. "Such a pretty cunt," He murmured,

His cock fit in you snugly, stretching you out. You moaned out, fingers digging into the pillows as he forced his length inside.

Your mind couldn't comprehend anything other than how good it felt. The slow drag of his cock against your walls, the aphrodisiac heightening your pleasure. In the end he was generous with sex too. He fucked you rough and hard as it went on, pulling you on all fours before him.

His fingers dug into your hair, yanking you back so that you slammed back into him, his cock burying hilt deep with each thrust. You could feel him twitch inside you, moulding you to his shape. You tightened around his girth as he continued to whisper sinful things. Expressing how many times he had decided to take you in your sleep, wanting for you to wake up only to find him buried into you. The pleasure continued to stack up as he continued to fuck you, his own breath hitching as he neared his high.

He jerked you back into him, his voice heavy, "Should I just knock you up doll?" he growled out, "fill you up, so everyone knows you're my cum slut?"

Your heart skipped a beat, the weight of the situation suddenly hitting you, "No- wait general-" you pleaded, but his grip around your waist just tightened. Holding you in place as his hot cum painted your walls.

Your slick mixed with the general's cum dribbled down from your cunt, the burning now a faint throb. You squeezed your thighs together, despite the soreness between your legs you still felt your pussy throb with a needy ache.

His fingers dug into the meat of your ass, pulling you back towards him until his cock pressed into your entrance. He groaned as he bottomed into you again, burying his face in your hair. His pace turned slower, thrusts getting deeper as he fucked his cum back into you, forming a ring around his girth. You couldn't help but curl your toes as his length dragged against your tight walls again, wanting to fill you up once more.

Your legs trembled as you sank into the pillows, giving yourself to him entirely, maybe, if you're nice enough your general would even fuck you to sleep.

What is with me and writing about crazed sex with powerful manipulative men???

ɿ(｡･ɜ･)ɾ Ⓦⓗⓨ ɿ(｡･ɜ･)ɾ

This was supposed to be first of the kinktober series and it ended up being all i could milk out :/

#afab reader #jing yuan #honkai star rail #jingyuan x reader #jingyuan smut #tw cnc mention #tw dubcon

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hellaversity · 6 months ago

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I see so many people say that Blitzø doesn't feel any guilt or remorse for robbing Verosika in the past, that he willingly goes out of his way to publicly humiliate her for no reason, and that he doesn't take any accountability for his past actions, and it baffles me to no end.

There are many bad HB takes that make me say "Are we watching the same show?" but this is the one i've been wanting to talk about lately.

Blitzø never denies or corrects what Verosika says about him. He says "Goddammit w**re, you will NOT let that go!" Implying that he DID do it. His bad trip in Truth Seekers shows her not only angry at him for pushing people away when they try to get close to him, but he doesn't retaliate. He doesn't even respond. He just has a look of regret on his face when she calls him out.

That broken heart on her cheek, which mind you, looks like a normal undamaged heart in reality, is an indication that Blitzø KNOWS he broke her heart. All he tries to do is run away from her instead of making excuses or trying to defend himself. Deep down, Blitzø DOES feel bad about hurting Verosika.

When she talks shit about him in Ozzie's, again, he doesn't even say anything. He looks guilty and ashamed of what he did to her.

And for the record, Verosika doesn't come off much better than Blitzø for not moving on and subjecting him to public humiliation at every chance she can get to the point of assaulting his employees just for being associated with him. Moxxie didn't deserve to be gangbanged against his will. He had nothing to do with Blitzø and Verosika's breakup.

She also didn't have to willingly steal their only parking space left and spray paint on their logo. It's not like she didn't know her ex was working there. She did that on purpose. Nobody forced her to summon a gaint sea monster on Earth. She did that on her own accord.

To people who say that Blitzø subjects Verosika to public humiliation just as much as she does to him, no, he really doesn't. In Spring Broken, he didn't even know that it was her who stole his only parking space available for him until she stepped out of her car. He was just mad that ANYONE would have the nerve to purposefully take his only place left to park his car. It's not like he yelled at her just for being there. He didn't even say anything to her in Ozzie's until she joined Fizz and Ozzie in on their roasting song. He was actively trying to avoid her and almost forgot she was even there up to that moment. The only time he publicly humilates her is when he gets her arrested on Earth, and even that was done out of revenge for sexually harassing Moxxie.

The only thing you could really count as Blitzø "not taking accountability" for stealing Verosika's car, spending her credit card on horse riding lessons and breaking her heart is that he hasn't really apologized for it yet. But just because he hasn't apologized, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's proud of hurting her or that he doesn't feel any remorse for it.

Verosika also needs to get over it already, because it's been YEARS since they broke up and not letting Blitzø forget about it isn't doing any good for her mental health. And no, it's not victim-blaming to say so. Brandon Rogers said that Verosika was just as responsible for their relationship ending on bad terms as Blitzø was and that she wasn't a flawless girlfriend any more than he was a flawless boyfriend. I haven't actually seen the source for this, but I can imagine that once it becomes undeniable evidence that Verosika wasn't a completely blameless saint and that Blitzø was also possibly hurt by her just like she was by him, her stans will NOT take it very well at all.

Also, if either of them isn't taking responsibility or being held accountable for their actions, it's Verosika. I haven't seen her bring up anything she might've did to Blitzø in the past (the only reason he doesn't is because he's clearly moved on and she hasn't) nor I have seen her feel any remorse for what she did to Moxxie. It's totally possible that the reason for that is because she knows that as a rich and famous musician, she'll get off scot free and her in-universe fans will take her side no matter what. Not because she "did nothing wrong".

I wonder how many people would absolve Verosika of her own actions if she were a man and Blitzø was a woman. Imagine a man who was still bitter at an ex-girlfriend for something shitty she did years ago back when they dated, sexually assaulted one of her employees just to upset her, and bragged about how passionate of a lover he was in bed while she "did no reciprocating" just to publicly humiliate her because he won't let go of the past even if she already has. Or, imagine an ugly poor woman doing the same instead of a beautiful celebrity with big boobs. I'm pretty sure only THEN would people realize that Verosika isn't exactly as innocent as people make her out to be....

This is the look of regret in Blitzø's bad trip that I mentioned earlier. You CAN'T tell me that he doesn't look guilty here.

#helluva boss #verosika mayday #blitzø buckzo #hb fandom stop mischaracterizing blitzø challenge (impossible)#blitzø defense squad #i will defend him with my life

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months ago

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AITA for deleting someone from Facebook?

➕➕➕➕ (< so I know this ask was published and not devoured by Tumblr)

Okay so buckle-up because this was absolutely wild to me and my friends. Full disclaimer first: my friends said I wasn't the asshole. However, I still would like to share this thing here.

Ages and genders ain't important. Heads up for mention of animal abuse and selfharm.

It all started when my partner asked me if it was okay for them to invite a friend to the chatgroup I created for all of our friends in common. I say yes, of course, making friends is always exciting! So their friend, J, joined. J presented themselves and we instantly started to hit it off real good, because we all had a lot in common (specially hobbies and fandoms). It was all good for about a month. J sometimes was absent in the chatgroup, but that was fine, we all had our busy lives and problems.

One day a topic regarding animal abuse was circulating on Facebook and that shit I don't like. I saw people making jokes about it. So I gave a heads up on my Facebook, that if I saw anyone sharing memes about that awful thing, I'd delete them for the time being. I reiterated that in the chatgroup, but my friends told me that wouldn't be a problem because they were also deleting and muting people for that. I ended up deleting like four people I had added, including J.

Now, I didn't consider that a problem, because like J was in the chatgroup. I was (more like I'm) really active in the chatgroup, not that so on Facebook, more of a lurker in there to see things of people I wasn't in direct contact with. I also thought that J wouldn't have a problem because they weren't that active either in their Facebook and was really rare of them to interact with me on Facebook.

After that the chatgroup went silent because we were all busy that day. But like, after one hour or so, J sent a message to the chatgroup tagging me and asking if I deleted them from Facebook. I said "yeah, I did, you shared a meme about this topic and I said both here and on Facebook that I'd delete all people doing that". It all scalated so quickly. J inmediately asked me why only them, and I said that it wasn't only them, I also deleted others... Then they told me why I was comparing them with others, that I was a "piece of shit" (citing their words) for doing so. Then, they left the chatgroup. Me and the others were... perplexed, to say the least.

Short after, a friend who was also a friend of J (not my partner), I'll call them M, said that what I did was wrong because I didn't tell I was going to deleted people. But I did, three times. One on Facebook, the post being the only one I had made for days and it was the first thing people would see if they checked my profile or were in their feed and followed me; and two in the chat, after I posted on Facebook and the clarification to J. Then M said that J was not that much on Facebook, which is exactly why I also said I was going to deleted people on the chat. M stopped responding at that for a couple of minutes. The others and I tried to relax, chaging to topic to something more cheeeful... Then M sent a screenshot of a post J made on Facebook, that said: "A person I considered a friend deleted me and I feel so bad I started cutting myself again". I and the others were like ????? What the fuck dude, why did you sent that. M said it was so that I knew how J was feeling and... Was M trying to fucking guilt-trip me? I'm still not sure.

Apparently I wasn't the only one thinking that because one of my friends asked exactly that. M said that it wasn't with that intention, that they didn't think I'd come cross as it and apologized, and that they'd talk to J to calm them down. We all said "okay, let's know how it goes".

By that time, my partner was absent in the chat, but usually that's because their low spoons to manage social interaction, and so we still chat privately. So I sent them a private message. They didn't respond, but it was fine, probably busy. Three days passes without hearing from them in private and all the others were worried too. So I asked them what was wrong, in hopes they'd answer. They did, almost right away, that they felt so so sad because of J telling them in private how awful I was for deleting them from Facebook. We talked for hours in a call to set all up.

But man, I was fucking pissed. Not at my partner, but at J. Why the fuck did they have to drag my partner into a problem that was between me and them (if we consider deleting someone from Facebook a problem + J calling me a piece of shit for doing that)?

Hours passed and M sent me a private message. First, they asked about my partner, I said they were fine. But then M dropped the real bomb: asked me if I was willing to talk to J to settle up the things between us. I was still pissed and I said no, not at the moment when they did something awful to my partner. (I still find odd that J could have send me a private message since they did block me and could unblock me, but instead sent M to ask me.) M said "okay, let me know when you feel better". I did, the next day, after talking some more with my partner and they convinced to talk with J. M said "great, I'll let them know and they'll contact you".

A week passed. No message from J. I asked M if something was wrong or what, but they said that no, everything was fine and that J probably forgot and they'd remind J to message me. Another week passed. I was at that point tired, and I let M know. The problem by me was pretty much notexistent and I already moved on and J should do the same if they were not willing to message me and if J message me, I wouldn't respond.

Well, surprise! That same day J created a group and added M, my partner and I to it to finally talk. Why the fuck did they add M and my partner? I don't know. The first thing I did after seeing that was sending a message stating what I told M in private, then I left the group. J then unblocked me and send me five paragraphs of text. I'm gonna be quite honest, I didn't read them at the time. I wasn't willing to talk to then anymore, so I repeated myself as a response to J messages and deleted the conversation.

My other friends then asked me about it and I told them all of this, and said I wasn't the asshole at all, but M had a different opinion and said I was indeed the asshole. My partner also said I wasn't the one. So... AITA?

(Postdata: I probably won't respond to any INFO. This is all the story. What thought process M and J followed I don't know. We did not have any other problems between us, all of this happened started because I deleted J from my Facebook.)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #self harm cw

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finnzhal · 1 year ago

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CRIMSON KNOLASTNAME x GN!READER

@psychicanais asked

hey i’m just asking maybe could you do dating head canons for crimson from helluva boss? nsfw or sfw i don’t mind <33

FINN's response

Hello ! I' m sorry if this headcanons can be a bit OOC , I tried making it realistic as much as possible . I' m a SFW blog but I felt a bit risky last night and mix some NSFW headcanons there hehe

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NOTE : I don' t condone this behavior in real life . If you' re sensitive to heavy topics I suggest reading something else in my page !

I literally have to rewatch S2 EP 3 for this cause i don't give two shits about MOXXIE' s dad

If you guys are interested in requesting , my requests are open ! Just make sure to read my INFO's !!

Reader : GENDER NEUTRAL , YOU / YOUR

Character : CRIMSON KNOLASTNAME

Mentions : SPOILERS (?) , DARK Toxic relationship , Abusive , spoilers(?) , Sexism, lack knowledge of LGBTQ / homosexuality

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How you guys met

[] To be honest , I don't really see Crimson getting into committed relationships . He would just do one night stands wether a woman or a man whenever he feels ykyk

[] Crimson probably met you in a bar or you were once his victim that seduced him while you're about to get killed ( I'm loosing creativity for this one- )

[] So Crimson made you as one of his toys whenever he wants to relieve himself , calling you and talking to you just because of that .

[] Slowly meeting more other than in bed , making you as an employer of his Mafia , making you live in his house , and now actually dating . In those correct orders .

[] Crimson asked you out after one of his successful kills

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[] Crimson would spoil you with gifts , expensive ones and the most questionable yet disgusting ones too . He gifted you a skull once , the skull was from one of the people who mistreated you

[] Crimson would bite you at every part of your body whenever you guys are alone , He doesn't care if it's visible . He wants people to know you're his .

[] Crimson will and would show you off to his gangsters and to everyone

[] Crimson will call you " His treasure " or " His bait " . . If you guys are alone he'll call you " Darling " or " Dear / Dearest "

[] Crimson will literally flirt with you at any given time just to see your flustered reaction . If you do flirt back , you know what will happened next

[] Crimson will make you as bait to get his victims , if his victims gets closer to you or touch you . You'll see the victim's skull on the wall

[] Crimson would get very possessive over you

[] Crimson would get an obsession over you , He doesn't want anyone to be closer to you or take you away from him .

[] Crimson would be controlling of you , guilt tripping, and manipulating you at every chance he gets and maybe even isolating you

[] Crimson will get his gangsters to monitor you everywhere you go . He's not gonna let you try and do anything funny .

[] If you' re a man , he would choose being the top everytime you guys sleep together . It' s less gay , he said . .

[] If you're a woman , he would talk shit about your behavior for not being a "woman" enough .

[] Crimson will punish you for disobeying him . To talking back to him , doing something or going somewhere without his permission , and more

[] Crimson will do quickies with you in risky places , it gets him riled up and will be extra harsh on you

[] Crimson will degrade and praise you outside and inside of the bedroom , there' s no in between

[] There' s times that Crimson is uncharacteristically clingy and sweet . He'll purr like a cat if you pet him after a long day , wrapping his tail around you for more

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I guess that's all for him . . I couldn't think of anything else and since this isn't my cup of tea . I tried my best , I hope you like it !

If there's any grammar / spelling mistakes , please let me know !

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#୨୧FINNZ.WORKS #୨��STARLING.ASK #helluva boss #helluva boss x reader #helluva crimson #gn!reader #gn reader #male!reader #male reader #female reader #fem!reader #helluva boss crimson #crimson knolastname

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carmsgarms · 4 months ago

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just wanna hug you for the jkr post bc my former friends made me feel insane for not validating their continued engagement 💜

Bestie listen youve unzipped me and im about to go off. Harry Potter was my entire life until she literally couldn't shut the fuck up about trans women being perverts and infiltrators. I was a lonely neurodivergent weirdo and Harry Potter brought me solace as a kid. I read each of the books at least 7 or 8 times, that shit is INGRAINED in my brain. One of my best friends of 10+ years is my friend today because the first thing we bonded over was seeing the last HP movie. I used to be deadset on my 2nd tattoo being my pottermore wand with my hogwarts house. I wanted a fucking HP-themed wedding. The first funko pops I bought were Harry Potter ones. My first serious boyfriend told me he wanted to propose to me in front of Hogwarts castle (this was something he said to guilt trip me when i dumped his ass) ((also thank the gods that never happened he was a shithead and so is jkr)). My mom for some godforsaken reason let me help her name my youngest brother when he was born because she couldn't think of a name and my 10yo ass fuckikg picked DANIEL because of Daniel Radcliffe. I was in DEEP.

And you know what? Aside from the books I camped out to buy on release day and the DVDs that are crammed in a box somewhere in a storage unit, I have gotten rid of every single Harry potter thing I owned because I grew the fuck up and found better things to like. Sure I'll watch the DVDs again every few years to feel the nostalgia again because a good chunk of the cast are great people (we fucking stan Dan Radcliffe and David Tennant in this house ) but I'm not giving jkr another cent of my money or an inkling of my time beyond that.

You are so valid and you are allowed to be upset if your friends continue to engage with Harry potter content.

Anyone who days "uwu my nostalgia" ask them if they still sleep with their fucking baby blanket too.

My former boss wouldn't shut the fuck up about the new video game when it came out. At least once a week he'd ask me if I'd played it yet and every single time I would tell him "I'm not engaging with that franchise anymore. JKR uses money to fund anti-trans legislation." And he'd always spout some bullshit about nostalgia or "but it's SO good" or "yeah I just try to separate the art from the artist / oh but the devs who worked hard on the game! / but playing the game doesn't actually support her! (yes the fuck it does if the game does well it boosts her platform)"

And especially now that my wife has come out, I'm extra ready to fight the next grown person who tells me they ~separate the art from the artist~ like fuck off. There are better things to spend your time and energy on. I hope everything JKR makes flops hard. Everything shes done since the last movie has been a disgusting cash-grab and none of it is even good. I'm beyond thrilled that BG3 has had a wild runaway success and a longer-lasting player base than the fucking game she put out. Nothing has ever disappointed me more than JKR being the way that she is.

Oh but the lore and world building? The ability to make your own character in such a fun and magical immersion world?bDnd has better lore than Harry potter ever did and the lore adds up and makes sense. If you look at her shit beyond the surface level she is actually fucking TERRIBLE at world building especially when she tries to do it without being a fucking racist ((does anyone remember when early drafts for the American magic schools that were using Native American imagery and it was all REALLY FUCKING OFFENSIVe and let's also not forget "no-maj" being the least fucking creative thing she ever came up with)

"But my hogwarts house" PLEASE choose a better Personality.

I have more nostalgia for Avatar the Last Airbender these days since i got into that when it first started airing when i was 12 (and look if you're really into the fuckin houses as your Personality you can get that with ATLA! Water tribe forever bitches)

"But the characters!!!" Please. There are better characters ALL AROUND YOU. pick up a fucking comic book. Yknow Superman actually has a similar structure, he's got the nerdy Normal friend and the love interest and it's a goddamn shame none of the movies include his bestie Jimmy because he's just as important as Lois Lane is.

"But all the strong female characters!" It is 2024 please I beg you to find other female role models (I will again point to Avatar the Last Airbender and Literally Any Comic Book Featuring A Woman. Captain Marvel is actually really good. Battlestar Galactica is also chock full of strong female characters and that came out in the early 2000s!)

Bestie i genuinely feel bad for all the fucking white people who can ignore all the bullshit JKR has done and said and all those sad saltine cracker flavor type people whose entire personalities are Watching The Office and Enjoying Harry Potter And Star Wars. Grow up. Move On.

If it's that important to you (and i mean the general you here not you specifically), please do what I did and Marie Kondo that part of your life. You don't need to hold onto the safety blankie you had as a child. You don't have to hold onto the pair of shoes that got you through high school and are out of fashion and falling apart. You give it a sendoff. Say "thanks for getting me through that part of my life but I'm moving on" and you move the fuck on.

I did something really sappy for my 30th birthday - I said goodbye to the franchise. I mourned what could have been. I went to Universal studios ((also bc Simpsons land and fast and furious ride and ET and a bunch of other stuff are there)) but I stopped into Harry potter world to do everything once and say goodbye to that part of my life since it was something I had wanted to do for most of my youth, and my friend who i became friends with because of harry potter was there with me. We drank the fucking pumpkin juice, had breakfast at the three broomsticks, appreciated all the little easter eggs around hp world, rode the hagrid ride, and ate a chocolate frog I wore my trans rights shirt and dressed gay as hell, my friend is trans so he just ~existed blissfully~ . I think every Harry potter fan needs to acknowledge that the franchise was good for them in the 90s, mourn that part of their life, and move on.

Bonus: me being Gay as Fuck in front of the castle. I hope JKR fucking rots and fades into obscurity and people come to realize she's worse than HP Lovecraft.

#Im sorry im just #very angry #about jkr #the absolute betrayal i would feel every time she got worse #and the anger i felt the harder i dug into her work #it fucking sucks #but i grew up and moved on #anti harry potter #anti jkr #fuck JKR #about me #asks

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quinnxey · 4 months ago

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acolyte review (before season finale)

i was really interested in this show esp because its based in the high republic. this is the first time we've gotten a media recreation other than glimpses in jedi: survivor and I'm also pretty sure the kids show disney made was also based in the hr time period. but anyway - other than the books as well, this is the first live-action retelling of a hr story.

i feel like a lot of people didn't like it because of that, but it really hooked me in. I've always been pretty into the hr book series and have loved this idea of "before the chosen one" trope. in the acolyte, we're 100 years or so b4 anyone like obi-wan or anakin or luke have been born. its another really great setting up - plus, as an avid hr reader, it helped me visualize what was going on during that whole shebang

but so - during the start of the acolyte I was a little bit wary and a tad bored. i feel like they started with a fairly slow (if murder is slow) introduction to the story, but I really do understand why they did it like that. once shit hit the fan and we were getting jedi action (plus the dents of twins? alive?/whats going on? sort of thing) I was really starting to get interested. the characters in acolyte are SO well done - like honestly its kind of craz how good they're written. even the "good guys" have good writing, which can be hard to do for heroes when the villains usually have all the sweet ass storytelling.

i thought the force here was sooo well done. like this idea of osha not being able to use the force after some time - ESPECIALLY her using the excuse of "if you were a jedi" (or something along these lines) "you would know that the force gets weaker if you don't practice with it" like girl ok! and with qimir and him being like dude, no.

QIMIR! ok so i understand the whole reason people like him is because of his looks and the fact that he was naked (which I will get to) but I'm SOOO interested in his character arc. his manipulation tactics are honestly so believable that IM having a hard time trying to discern whether or not the jedi are good or bad. i think I've always been fairly pro-jedi esp with how the orig tri plays jedi out to be and how the hr books have all these really anti-jedi antigonists. I've always believed the jedi to be a good force of nature, and haven't really paid much mind to this idea of "what if". in the acolyte, it feels like. they're REAL people.

idk i feel like sometimes it gets hard to see the real people in jedi and not thin k they're just some servants of the light or whatever. for me, I feel like that also comes from the "no relationships" motto, which sort of defeats the whole "human/person" idea for me. i hate thinking jedi arent people and don't have faults, but with how a lot o the media portrays them, that's how I've felt for a really long time. in here, I felt like I was seeing real people in real situations. idk

with how sol was acting with osha ("do not confuse [her] emotions with your own") I was sooo in love with that. him not knowing whether or not its his emotions or the force pulling them together (because we all know the force puts padawan/master together when it knows they're a good fit) but still continuing. him choosing to SAVE OSHA INSTEAD OF MAE. and going on to say he "did his best" and "tried to save both of them" to osha and flicking the blame on mae by saying the fire was all her fault (which it was, but he deliberately didn't tell osha what "really" happened ((in the words of mae I suppose))) but this isn't me saying that sol is a bad person and should totally get stripped of his title or whatever - someone (not sure who) on here talked about how he was the only one out of all the jedi on the trip to actually go and do something about his guilt. he went and he trained osha to the best of his abilities, he trained younglings (telling them NOT to trust what they initially see, to keep searching for answers), and he went on trying to make good with mae even after he knew she was going to kill him.

but so on the dark side (plus I guess qimir being naked) I was really interested in this idea of jedi not being able to harm the unarmed. we see this happen with sol and aniseya, where she DOES technically look like shes about to go off and kill someone with her whole dust act, but she is STILL technically unarmed. sol goes and stabs her because he has no idea what is happening. cue 1st action. 2nd action is when we have the scene between sol and qimir where he almost attacks him while he's "unarmed" (pls I don't trust this man) but osha stops him. with OSHA, we see this happen when she sort of attacks qimir while he's unarmed - and not just unarmed, also litterllay butt naked. that's like the full ass definition of unarmed. it goes fully against jedi code - if she had killed him, she would have killed him unarmed and with no dignity, which no jedi would ever want to do. because she had the option to do it, he basically tested her - it was his way of seeing whether or not she was a "good" option for an apprentice. he prob would have taken her anyway, but with how it went with mae, he was defo being wary.

but him being a sith for me was pretty easy to see right off the bat, since he disappeared and then sith master just "appeared" I thought, oh yeah, that's qimir. but as the fighting went on and I went between the costume differences between him and feeble qimir, I thought, well...no?? it doesn't make sense. he doesn't look the same - and then it WAS HIM. but also I think this idea of osha becoming sith apprentence and mae becoming jedi apprentice would be so interesting. ying and yang but they switch lmao

but I'm supppeper excited for the season finale!!! my prediction is that osha accepts being qimirs apprentice, mae accepts being sol's apprentice (if that happens), and maybe/maybe not they find osha and qimir and qimir convinces osha to fight against her past master. idk. would love to see some kyber bleeding in s2. love!!

#star wars #the acolyte #star wars the acolyte #osha aniseya #mae aniseya #master sol #the acolyte spoilers #sw the acolyte #pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease make osha a sith #give the people what they want #RENEW FOR A SEASON 2 RN!!!

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welldonekhushi · 6 months ago

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Womp womp. “Positive place” “no hate” my ass. If we looked into your past we’d see a different story.

You likely don’t care to address it but you gravely hurt one of my dearest friends. I doubt you realise anything you did, before or after they broke it off. And with reason. You took so much interest in everyone’s characters and stories but theirs, instead devaluing their opinions, spamming their inbox with shit they didn’t ask for without bothering to send them even one question or prompt in return.

I want to laugh that only after he cut you off did you start asking others even a bit more about their projects. Only after it was too late did you bother to make a change. It’s pathetic, really, that you must have been trying so hard to cover up your true habits, that falling into your blatant disinterest in him. He’s better off without you.

Speaking of your covering shit up, don’t think your queerphobia has been forgotten. Don’t think he and I didn’t see you delete a reply saying your OC “wouldn’t really get along” with his, when meanwhile your stoic, guarded military man is out there making friends with literally everyone else. The difference being everyone else who isn’t openly gay. Don’t think we’ve forgotten when your muse cried and tried to guilt-trip my friend’s when the latter came out to her.

You prop up Scarlet as a friendly-to-all but Strong™ Female Character but I know she’s not. She’s a homophobic, insensitive, spineless little bitch - sounds like someone, doesn’t it?

Who I am doesn’t matter. What matters is that there’s a third party who knows the truth. You’re fucking horrible. You might have other friends now but I hope one day all this comes to light, no matter how much you might have tried to change. Whether or not this letter ends up posted, I want you to read it once, twice, three times over. They say to forgive and forget but some of us never forgive and always remember. There is someone out there haunted by what you did to them and you can’t keep running from it.

Okay, anon. After reading your message, I would first like to mention that I don't know who you are, or the friend that you're talking about. So let's put the points together of what you said that you and the "he" you're mentioning feel.

First, you said that I'm queerphobic because I said that my OC wouldn't get along with your friend's OC because their character was "openly gay". It's the same meaning as saying "You hate me because I belong here." by directly coming to a conclusion, instead of not understanding the mindset they belong to or their indulgence in something that could be disagreeable to others. I don’t know who or which OC you’re mentioning, but If I said my OC would not get along with them, it doesn't mean I directly hate their OC (whoever they are). This doesn't make sense when I never disrespected or showed hatred towards anyone who presents their OC as queer. I have friends here who have queer ships with their OCs and canon characters and I support them fully by heart. I even had their OCs interact with them.

Second, you proceeded by saying that I never bothered to send your friend an ask, a question or a prompt. Can I be honest, anon? I have a life. I've always been busy with my uni and now I have finals on my head. I can’t even find time to draw, academic pressure is already stressing me out, and I don't even have inspo at times to be here and publish stuff here. If I happened to miss out on your friend (whoever they are), then I'll say sorry. Because it feels that they were only relying on ME to send them the prompts and asks, and not “the shit which they asked for” as you nicely mentioned. It seemed to me that they (whoever they are) don't really see the rest but me and me only, right? I'm sorry, I think their 'friend' got so busy that they tend to forget that the friend they have has a life out there, too.

Third, you proceeded to call my OC Scarlet a “spineless little bitch, homophobic, and insensitive". Huh. Seems like while proving your point, you thought to add some more spice to your heartfelt thoughts by shitting on my OC as well. You thought you cooked anon, but turns out your dish got rejected. Sorry, you are eliminated from the MasterChef Competition. (Talking about ‘spineless’ while hiding behind anon. The irony.)

Fourth, you thought I guilt-tripped your friend when they came out. Huh. I don't remember a day when I insulted or ridiculed someone for coming out when originally I'd be happy that they finally had the courage to represent themselves for who they are. If you're saying I guilt-tripped them, be a good anon, reveal yourself in the public to me and give me proof. If you're confident enough, then do it. I'll have no hesitation. I'll admit it was my fault. But show yourself first. It "doesn't matter who I am" but it does, because even if you're a person typing that, you're just an anon with no personality to me. No appearance. Nothing. Just blank. I explained who you are. Hope you're happy with that.

Fifth, you said that some forgive and forget, but some don't forgive and remember. Honestly, I understand how disturbed and angry you feel inside because of me, anon. Well, even if you say that I acted like that with your friend (whoever they are), so, here's the third time I'm saying this. If it makes you feel better. I am sorry. Instead, I feel pity that you might be feeling so frustrated because of my presence. If you don't want to forgive me, I'm okay with it. You have a right to do so.

In the end, sorry for you and for your friend. But I hope one day, you'll learn too that to 'forgive and forget', means to move on, letting go of the people who hurt you so you'd be happy as well. If I hurt you and your friend, you can block me, and move on. Be happy without me. I understand I wasn't a good friend to them, I don't refute you at all. Besides, you have every right to be angry. I'll not even say that you're all at fault here. I made a mistake? I'd fully admit it. But you accusing me for what I did while hiding behind anon is… unsettling for me. I don't know what else to say.

You thought you were making me scared and afraid by saying “Read it once, twice, three times over”, but no, you’re completely dismissed out of my mind when you come at me out of nowhere, attacking me with baseless accusations, and insults me and my OC. You’re just another hate anon to me. “You’re a horrible person.” Look in the mirror. I’m not the one sending someone a whole essay of a hate anon.

Have a good day anyway, anon.

#lovely anon anyway.#thanks for the ask.

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n4talia-chaparro · 6 months ago

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"Omg 5 days without posting?! Lmao so funny."

Yeah I get it >|:/

I wanted to make this post cuz a lot of you were so "CoNcERnEd" about me and the allegations made by the anons. And well in case people wanna find "info". I kinda don't care if people wanna keep attacking me and shit but yk. I have to speak up and explain.

So I wanna start by saying that what I did last Thursday and Friday was very retarded and dumb of me and I highly apologize once again. I was not in the right mindset and it was never my intention to ignore anyone's advice. I have been mentally unstable and stressed that I couldn't focus. Yeah. I was having anger issues and a meltdown. I couldn't control them so I'm apologizing for the way I acted that time without thinking straight. It's not easy to be a CU artist because of what's happening and I admit it's not easy for me to be perfect like you guys wanted me to be. I tried everything yet you guys seem to judge and shove words in my damn throat.

About the allegations... the anons were also after one of my moots so I wanted to explain and debunk them. It's giving me a headache and overwhelming the living shit out of me.

(BTW pls I do NOT encourage harassment or any sort of threats to anyone mentioned in this post)

The grooming: this allegation is false. I'm sick of seeing them throwing the allegations around like it was some sort of volleyball-type shit. (I'm A MINOR !!! Not a adult-)

The reason why they were spreading those is because of my grooming situation I had a few years ago when I had 9-11 (and UNSUPERVISED). It all started on amino and I met my groomer. (I'm calling them M cuz yea). M and I were close friends and we used to talk. My groomer was a Krupp x Melvin shipper, a pro-shipper obviously, they would force me to do NSFW roleplay and art based on their favorite ship. (Keep this in mind I was younger at that time and I never knew how to say no to them) and they even guilt-trip me and stuff just make me feel bad and well. They would often force me to ship them too...yikes...

One day we argued and their friends decided to cause drama in the group chat. They pointed fingers at me and called me a predator. Again I was 9. I wasn't aware of what proshipping is until age 12. A lot of shit happened. I got threats, harassment, etc. And at the age of 13-14 I was groomed by someone different um yayy...:/// I was never taught about the internet safety.

And that's where the "Natty is a groomer" bullshit came from :/

I'm 16 now and to this day I keep receiving those rape threats and stuff over my past and then seeing people spreading those is dumb. The anon even went to Linavloger's blog to send a rape threat and told her I was gonna groom her. This is fucking disrespectful. Lina is Younger than me, she's fucking 13. I find it disgusting that you guys choose to tell her that. It's gross for fuck's sake. What is your problem????? For the love of God stop spreading that allegation. Not only you are making me uncomfortable but also the others who were involved. Literally, stop.

My trauma is not for you to joke with it or use it as a shield. It's gross that people are making fun of me for that. No I mean yeah. My past wasn't great because I met people who already sexualized me too many times but it doesn't mean you have to bring it up and tell everyone about it. :"(

The sexualization: The anon mentioned that I sexualized Harold in one of my videos which is again funny yet bullshit because according to them it was because of a pride month pin and small accessories..

When I say pin i meant this- 😭

Like I'm so sorry but how is this sexualizing him? It's a Pride Month pin. A PIN. How the fuck can yall be this stupid. It was an old video and you took it so seriously????? Like what???? Have you read the 12th book??? There's no way you think it's sexualization when it's Harold with an MLM pin.

This also goes to the AGERE subject. I do NOT normalize nor promote ddlg. There's a difference between ddlg/ageplay and an ACTUAL coping mechanism and I'm tired of hearing this bullshit over again like stfu so uh.

Ddlg/ageplay is where random ass adults roleplay as children and do weird shit.

Agere on the other hand is where someone reverts to a young mindset to cope with trauma, stress, severe illness, or disorders. (Mainly a safe way to cope ofc)

These are the differences between them. You cannot just tell me it's the same shit dawg. 😭

The "ripping off" thingy: another thing that I wanna address is about the au :/

The anons that I dealt with were just infini-tree fans/supporters and tree house members. Well idk. They may sound like whiney little cunts but still-- my AU does NOT have any similarity with THAT. Why would I steal ideas from someone who BLOCKED me for no reason and sent her fans after me??? No really how? How can a blocked user steal ideas if they can't see, or interact with the post (like & reblog)? Be real y'all. You may seem ridiculous if you believed those anons cuz none of them didn't pull the evidence out of their ass. 💀

"You need to apologize to her" for what? Dawg I didn't do jack shit to her in the first place LMAO yeah like--- don't get me started on that bs again. I don't wanna hear her damn name, I don't wanna know anything about her aus and shiii-- or anything related to her in my inbox or dm. I do NOT wanna have anything to do with that individual. End of the story. Not trying to be harsh, rude, or anything but like. It's annoying. I don't like to be compared to anyone or deal with the same bullshit.

Mhm yea like man. Idk what else I need to debunk but pls don't believe those anons dawg.

You can't even ask for proof cuz they don't gave any 🥰🥰💀💀💀‼️‼️‼️😭😭😭 LOL IMAGINE FABRICATING ALLEGATIONS Y'ALL ARE SO DUMB 🗣‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥

#just want everyone in the cu community to realize making claims like these is NOT fucking funny at all #idc if you're trolling or playing around. shut the fuck up. rape threats were never funny.#im very bad at explaining. so i apologize if the way i explain seems rushed or hard to understand #i was so stressed and unstable while writing this #natty talks #natty rants #pls read this before saying nonsense or making it out of context #idk if i should tag as CU or not.#ofc the community doesn't give a flying damn about anyone else but themselves #pls leave the the fuck alone. i dont wanna deal with any of you anons or weirdos #FINALLY ADDRESSING THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM OMFG

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petrichormore · 1 year ago

Text

-LIVE-BLOGGED THOUGHTS ON TODAY’S STREAM-

FIRST OFF - one little thing that I want to say:

(This is about the characters, obviously.)

I am totally on Bad’s side about locking his base down and not letting anyone in. If he wants to do that, there’s nothing wrong with it. I get why Forever and Baghera might be upset but holy shit it’s his house. And also: Trust is always gifted, never owed. The fact that he’s letting them inside his base at all is a privilege that very few people on the server have and I don’t think they realize that.

Yes, maybe they trust him with everything but that’s their decision and Bad isn’t somehow required to reciprocate equally as they see fit. I’d even argue he is reciprocating equally - but his idea of “I trust you as much as I possibly can” is just different from theirs.

I saw a lot of people telling Bad in chat that Baghera had a point but like - trust is not really a transaction like that, or at least it shouldn’t be - trust is something you earn. Forever and Baghera have earned more of Bad’s trust than any other people on the server but that doesn’t mean they’re entitled to anything he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with them if it doesn’t concern them. Especially if it’s his LITERAL ACTUAL TOP-SECRET PRIVATE HOUSE WHERE HE LIVES.

That’s not to say I don’t understand where Forever and Baghera are coming from - obviously it probably does come across like he doesn’t trust them but. Even if they’re right (they’re not), if he doesn’t trust them then trying to guilt-trip him into giving them complete access is not gonna. make him trust them more so. Y’know. Skill issue.

OKAY NOW THE LIVE THOUGHTS

- Lmao Bad is explaining his potential proxy representive democracy style government to Antoine and he really just said “if any candidate tries to assassinate anyone else I’ll just kill them” like he knows how stacked he is. People ask “What if someone assassinates Bad?” And my answer to that is: they can certainly try but they’ll probably fail miserably.

- Bad: “Everyone thinks they’re powerful until a mine is placed in the right location.” I am so glad he’s not evil because everyone else would be screwed if he was

- Bad: “I’m gonna be honest: I don’t want a government. I do not want a president. But if we have to choose a president, I want a president that will do as little as possible [without full community support].” My anarchist king. A man of the People.

- Bad has decided he wants to talk to Phil and try and convince him to run because he doesn’t trust anyone to be a ‘good president’ and thinks someone who doesn’t want the position at all would be the best choice. He also said if Phil won’t, he will run himself with an anti-government stance. If he doesn’t have a chance of winning, he will throw his support behind Forever or Baghera and help them win. I really want to see a Phil/Bad team-up though, or at least see them discuss it.

- Overall, Bad’s whole monologue about his stance on the election was super cool and he’s so Right and Correct. He didn’t explain it very well during the debate but god damn is he cooking

#qsmp #qsmp analysis #q!bbh #q!badboyhalo #like I genuinely do not understand how anyone is somehow entitled to Bad’s base and resources #even if they’re his best friends he still should be able to kick them out at will. like that’s just straight up His House

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verdemoun · 4 months ago

Note

i am PRAYING do not make kieran murdering eliza and isaac canon

but hypothetically

first night isaac is staying at hosea's house to spend a night with arthur, because eliza may love her son but christ does she need a girls' night after solo parenting so long and never trusting anyone else with her precious boy

arthur introducing isaac to the gang who are all pumped. sean calls him little england. lenny is laughing over jack looked so much like arthur and then isaac looks so much more like john (isaac inherited eliza's black hair). hosea and bessie are in full grandparent mode

kieran looks up. sees isaac. freezes. isaac also stares, nagging feeling hey i think i know that guy when kieran bolts to his room and proper slams the door. gang are mildly amused because oh that's just how kieran is around new people sometimes

kieran straight up faints. he's laying unconscious on the floor for a good few minutes because oh shit that random kid i murdered in 1896 was arthur's son arthur's going to kill me the gang's going to kill me i am already dead and i'm going to die again

avoids. isaac. at. all. costs.

almost feels like spite when arthur comes out to not yell but say hey could you try to reduce the coming in and out of the backyard at night i know it helps you sleep but isaac panics every time he hears the door open because well y'know he was killed in a home invasion

after a few weeks of it being routine that isaac spends the night on weekends the gang are still pretty confused why kieran is avoiding the kid. figures he just doesn't like kids, lets it go. isaac is constantly trying to catch glimpses of kieran because still can't put his finger on where

one night when he panics awake hearing the door but arthur doesn't flinch, morgan genes take over and isaac decides to investigate himself. goes outside, sees kieran sitting there with a cigarette in hand and a poorly chosen black jacket. kieran freezes because on one hand, if he runs off there's no way the gang will come looking for him again, on the other isaac's eyes are widening and he is definitely having that moment of realisation. just waiting for the screaming and then probably a swift but brutal death at the end of arthur's fists

isaac just. sits beside him. starts picking at the grass. admits they probably shouldn't tell his dad and chuckles. kieran is terrified but isaac is like for a murderer you're a pretty decent guy. punches him hard in the arm for killing his mom but basically says 'tbh killing me was a lot kinder than leaving me to starve or end up in an orphanage or trying to like raise me as an o'driscoll out of guilt'

kieran is squirming 'i think i'd prefer it if you wanted me dead' but isaac is just... way too chill for a 9-10 year old. cracks jokes if he knew what a neurodivergent weenie he was he might've actually tried to fight him. kieran actually snorts and chokes on his cigarette, which isaac tuts him for smoking.

arthur wakes up to find isaac missing and is frantic until he hears kieran and isaac laughing in the backyard because isaac is telling one of his stories about a fight he got into at school and kieran is quietly agreeing he sounds too much like canon era arthur. thinks it's really sweet they're finally interacting before reminding them both it's 2 in the goddamn morning

kieran is still extremely uncomfortable and awkward around isaac because a very reckless mentally ill tween with anger issues is holding his life in his hands but isaac has somehow decided you murdered me that makes us blood brothers. makes a point of asking if he can take kieran's dinner to his room when kieran won't come out, knocking to ask if kieran wants to come on little family trips to the store/arcade and making a point of going outside with kieran at night to distract him from the terrors with terrible jokes and tales of his antics -

circa 1896: kieran duffy, alone, breaks into a dark, isolated cottage to steal whatever he could find and slip out before anyone noticed. he was not expecting eliza, certified bad bitch, to be awake, sitting in the dark, enjoying the peace and quiet that came with her son being asleep, to ask him what the fuck he thought he was doing in her house. kieran, gun raised, asks her to hand over the valuables and no one needs to get hurt. eliza instead draws a revolver - fires and misses. kieran does not. eliza dies instantly, and is now bleeding out on the floor. as kieran is cursing himself because no self respecting outlaw would kill a woman, he hears a tiny, terrified voice call out 'mom?'. bolts to the bedroom door before isaac can process what he's seeing and scoops him up. paces around the bedroom shushing him and bouncing him, answering the frantic questions of what happened and who is he in a very vague protective way. your mom's fine, she just had to go somewhere, asked me to watch you for a bit. yeah! yeah, i'm a friend of your dad's. no, i don't know if he's coming to visit. gunshots? yeah, just... just people shooting at coyotes. whole time wondering what the hell he is meant to do because fuck what is someone meant to do in that situation?? he's barely able to keep himself alive, he's a wanted criminal, he can't take a kid back to the o'driscolls because he knows what some of the o'driscolls would do to a kid. he can't just leave him in the house to find his mom dead on the floor in the morning. now he knows the kid has a dad who visits but he doesn't know when that could be. could kick in the door and shoot him dead any minute, could be months. so, honestly hoping the kid's dad will come through the door at any second and kill him so he doesn't have to do it, kieran puts isaac back to bed, says something about his mom expecting him asleep when she comes back. tucks him in with his toys, listens to isaac very awake merrily explain how it was a present from his dad's last visit, gets him a glass of water when he asks (with eliza's corpse staring at him), and tells isaac an old irish fairy tale from memory to get him to sleep. sits on the bed beside isaac, who falls alseep curled up beside him and waits a few more minutes hoping someone turns up. no one does. he takes his gun and, while isaac is asleep, does something he will never forgive himself for -

isaac arrives in timewarp half an hour after eliza very peacefully, disorientated and confused as to why his mom is crying so much or holding him so tight but she's back from wherever she went so he knows he's going to be okay. pieces together what actually happened as he gets older, asks enough questions that eliza explains and very calmly accepts oh so we were murdered worm

Eliza does not find out who kieran is until a solid 5 years into timewarp. arrives early to pick isaac up from one of his regular visits, having heard stories of all the gang as isaac's various uncles and aunts, when she spots kieran and immediately sees red. has the appropriate reaction of screaming bloody murder and charging towards him ready to beat him to death only for arthur to hold her back in confusion and isaac to very quickly run to kieran who is understandably mortified.

very, very tense silence as the penny finally drops. hosea looks heartbroken, because he loves kieran and arthur and isaac and he lost isaac and nearly lost arthur to that grief and now he knows kieran is responsible for it. arthur is trying to process the sheer amount of fury he is now feeling with the kieran he has gotten to know and care about as a member of the gang, his family, over the past 5 years. sean is the one to whisper to loud holy shit kieran killed arthur's kid and his mom while kieran is just. shaking because the secret's out and he's just waiting for the consequences.

isaac, a very stubborn, usually dramatic teenager at this point, is doing his best 'okay yeah but c'mon look at him he's just a lil guy. live and let live, am i right? revenge is a fool's game and all that jazz. it was like 109 years ago isn't that kinda a little long to keep grudges can we all just chill'

#rdr2 timewarp au #kieran duffy #isaac morgan

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super-hero-confessions · 3 months ago

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"If Clark was a good friend he wouldn't have gaslit Lex when he was institutionalized and made him think he was crazy because he had seen Clark use his powers."

Cool. When did he do this? Exactly?

Oh! Did you mean the episode when Clark was panicking after being seen saving Lex's life and fighting with his parents about saving Lex again cause he wanted to but didn't know what to do or how because of Lionel and his parents and was mostly just stunned and unsure because everyone was screaming at him like he's supposed to have all the answers or is some kind of evil mastermind instead of a kid running around like a chicken with his head cut off?

Great! Alright let's set the record straight.

So this is called a bad faith argument because it's not based on anything truthful or real that happened. It's based on a strawman or fundamentally built on a disingenuous rejection of context and reality.

The people that keep doing this are as gross and toxic as the adults in Clark's life that left him so confused and unsure enough where no matter what actions he took or didn't take everyone guilt tripped him for things he could not control and tried to control him because of what he could do.

Lex's embrace of his darkness had nothing to do with Clark anyway! He fully embraced his darkness and obsession with control after Lexmas. Remember when he saw Lana die and couldn't do shit about it? Yeah that. You don't see people blaming her for something she had no control over although I wouldn't be surprised if they did!

Otherwise Lex was about as toxic about Clark's secret as Lana and Chloe and anyone else who was fricking weird about it! He was way too forgiving with Lana who constantly blamed him for shit he couldn't control but he even got rightfully mad at Chloe for going behind his back and investigating him. He then forgave her because she had enough sense to grow out of that gross entitlement and listen to him and keep her promise instead of breaking it repeatedly and hoping Clark would forgive her.

You know it's interesting that Chloe and Lana don't get brought up considering both ended up in similar situations where Clark actually did choose to remove his secret from their memories.

Huh.

Maybe it's because then people would have to acknowledge his personal trauma when it comes to people knowing his secret and all the danger people who know it face and all the guilt he feels because of it. Or that he's a person who has every right to make boundaries and choose who he decides to let in and how far.

Clark did way more for his friends than most people could ever ask for but somehow it wasn't enough? Giving "how dare he not be perfect and wait on this specific person hand and foot as a personal servant hmph" level of narcissistic entitlement vibes.

The actions that people take are no ones but their own. To blame another person for your own actions is projection and gaslighting. It is textbook abusive behavior so there's a little psychology lesson. Whether they wronged you or not they cannot control what you choose to do in response and that is a fact of life. With exception to mental incapability that is what holds up in court because that is how the law is applied fairly without bias. Context may change what charges are placed but will not negate personal accountability.

The fact that people keep maliciously spreading and trying to normalize this level of abuse and toxicity and false narrative that a child struggling to understand his own place in the world could somehow be held responsible for the actions of the adults and other adjacent adults in his life and life of others is disgusting.

This is justification of abuse and boundary violation and stalking. This is DARVO.

Knock it off.

The only person responsible for Lex's actions at the end of the day is Lex.

He is responsible for his own becoming a villain. That is his. He owns it. No one else.

Not Clark. Not Lana. Not even Lionel after a certain point maybe with exception to making the argument that Lex is legitimately criminally insane. In which case he then should be properly hospitalized for proper treatment as he is without control and danger to both himself and others.

Otherwise? It's just Lex.

Now go listen to Like a Villain by Bad Omens because that's his theme song and enough with this bullshit

#confession #rant #smallville #lex luthor #clark kent

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softpine · 11 months ago

Note

what r some of ur fav hints/easter eggs from past posts that u can talk about now? any that ended up being scrapped?

oooh this is a fun question!! the first thing i thought of is caroline not knowing how to swim. it was mentioned a few times when she was a teenager

because my original plan was for caroline to have a near-death experience while drunkenly falling off a boat in DSV, which would've been a wake up call for her and would've made her start thinking about returning home (ie. returning to safety). but that was before i decided to go down the supernatural route with asa's story (actually, this was before i even decided that cara would have a kid someday), so i scrapped that idea and decided the real turning point for cara would be seeing that vision of asa! but then i still had to give an explanation for why i kept mentioning she can't swim, so i had beth teach her how to swim, as a way of signifying caroline's growth and newfound ability to step outside her comfort zone :)

...

ALSO THE SCRAPPED CHEATING SUBPLOT FJKSJDSKJ

okay. hop into the time machine with me. stevie and matt have been not dating, but not not dating, for a year now. matt has just seen some texts on stevie's phone which make him think she's seeing other people on the side. you can tell he's not mad, in fact he's openly joking about it with her. so he's really confused when stevie says she hasn't been seeing anyone other than him. truthfully – and i can only say this now – matt wouldn't have cared if she was. but they establish that neither of them has been seeing anyone other than each other. there's an unspoken agreement that they're exclusive now, even though they still don't put labels on their relationship.

okay now we're at the dock where stevie professed her love, but here's where things deviate: matt was not supposed to break up with her here. in my original draft, he would've said he loves her too and then continued to date stevie (WITH labels now), knowing they're a dead end, but being too cowardly to say anything. it would take stevie a few weeks to realize matt isn't as enthusiastic about their relationship as she is, but she convinces herself that she's being paranoid. things start to get worse as matt loses interest and gets worse and worse at hiding it. it's not that he doesn't love or care about stevie, it's just that the guilt of lying to her is making it hard to even want to be around her, so it seems like he just doesn't give a shit about her anymore.

eventually, stevie confronts him about it. she's not trying to guilt trip him, but she can't hide how upset she is, and it makes matt dig his grave even deeper because he feels this instinct to assure stevie that he DOES love her and he DOES want to be with her. he apologizes for acting weird lately and he's honest about the fact that he had a contrasting idea of who stevie was before they started dating, so now he's trying to reconcile the person he invented in his head with who stevie actually is, but he still loves her and he promises he'll make a greater effort. so they KEEP DATING...

but things don't get better. because of their prior conversations, stevie believes she's the problem. as a test, she tries to act the way she acts around strangers: loud, funny, and impersonal – and the worst part is, matt actually seems more interested now.

nearing graduation, matt and stevie go tour a college campus a few hours out of town. they get invited to a house party. (it's a just chill gathering, not a PARTY party. they smoke a little but neither of them are drinking.) matt is having a great time impressing everyone with his ~extreme sports~ stories, but stevie is becoming increasingly upset because of something that happened earlier (which might still happen so i can't say anything about it lol) and she just wants to go home, but they took matt's car, so she can't leave until he does. he doesn't even notice when stevie goes outside alone. she's sitting in the cold for a while before this guy approaches her and offers her his jacket. he has this vibe

and if you know anything about stevie, that's literally her type fjkjsds

so this guy, cameron, sits with her and they start talking. he's a freshman studying aeronautical engineering. stevie obviously thinks this is fucking awesome and wants to know everything about it. they talk for a LONG time. when stevie realizes how cold cameron must be, since she's wearing his jacket, she's like omg let's go somewhere else... so they walk back to cameron's dorm and keep talking. matt does check on her via text, but stevie says she found another ride home, and matt doesn't push further. she and cameron talk for literally hours, long after the party ends and matt has undoubtedly gone home, but stevie is just so relieved to be herself around someone, not worried about how she's acting or being perceived.

eventually, of course, they kiss. stevie is overwhelmed with regret immediately and blurts out that she has a boyfriend, which cameron is shocked by because she hasn't mentioned anything about him even though she basically shared her entire life story. stevie realizes she doesn't have much of anything to say about matt. she loves him, but at this point she's really just punishing herself by staying with him when she knows he doesn't feel the same way, and because she's afraid no one will ever pursue her the way matt did. but here's cameron, disproving this theory in real time. she kisses him again. thankfully he knows she's not in the right headspace to do anything more than that. they end up getting snacks from the vending machine and continuing to talk all night, falling asleep together just as the sun starts rising. (and if you've ever cuddled with someone in a TINY dorm bed, you'll know that's somehow more intimate than sex lmao)

when stevie wakes up, she feels awful about what she'd done and she sneaks out of the dorm before cameron wakes up. she calls her dad to come pick her up. considering he finds his daughter crying outside some guy's dorm in the same clothes she left in, owen assumes the worst, so stevie has to awkwardly tell him what really happened so that owen won't drive them straight to the police station. she doesn't even know why she called her dad of all people. as soon as he finds out it was consensual and stevie just feels guilty about it, owen tries to cheer her up by being like "aww don't worry, i've cheated too!! 👍🏻 it doesn't make you a bad person, you can't help it, you're just like me and your mom :D" which is just about the worst thing stevie could possibly hear in this situation...

stevie doesn't even try to keep this a secret from matt. she tells him exactly what happened on that same day. i'm not going to get too far into the aftermath of this, because obviously i scrapped this plot and it doesn't really matter anymore. but matt's reaction to finding out he had been cheated on... it's kinda interesting. he gets frustrated with stevie because she's the one who wanted to be exclusive in the first place, while matt had a "take it or leave it" kinda attitude towards exclusivity (in fact, part of the reason he'd been drawn to stevie in the first place was because she didn't want to tie herself down so quickly). so matt has been completely faithful because stevie asked him to be, but then stevie is the one who cheated? it really bothers him. in the end, matt is the one who breaks up with her. he leaves the relationship feeling like he was the one who got burned. he's never forced to acknowledge the ways in which he fucked up long before stevie did – essentially she gave him an "out". meanwhile stevie now believes she's incapable of staying in a committed relationship and swears off love for a while (which is where she's at right now in canon, so, hey. we circled back).

the reason why i didn't go down this route is because, for the main plot to progress, i needed stevie to be at rock bottom AND estranged from elaine. i also needed elaine to be angry at matt, and be disappointed in austin. it would've taken way too long to get to all those points if i went ahead with the cheating plot, so i cut it. but i still feel like all of these actions are in-character and this easily COULD have been the reality if matt hadn't had that one burst of courage on the dock lol

#anonymous #asks #nonsims #brandi answers

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burins · 7 months ago

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happy Sunday a couple people (@feyburner and @try-set-me-on-fire and maybe someone else? if so I forget and I'm sorry) have tagged me in snippet stuff! I still can't write atm and I'm not rly sure when I'll be able to (June?? maybe?? please god let this PT round work) but I have been reading old drafts and I found 6k of ancient catws Sam & Bucky road trip fic that for having been written eight years ago still makes me go oogh. maybe it will also make you go oogh!(don't worry I am not posting all 6k.)

“Steve’s probably told you all about the 30s, right?” Bucky says. He’s sitting in the backseat, right in the middle of Sam’s view out the back. They’re somewhere in Nowheresville, North Carolina, so it’s not as annoying as it was when he pulled this shit in Jersey.

“Not really,” Sam says. He can see Bucky’s silent scoff without even looking, but it’s true. Steve hasn’t told anyone shit about anything. It seems to be his MO. Sam wishes someone would explain to him that the element of surprise doesn’t apply to interpersonal relationships, but probably everyone is assuming that job falls to Sam.

“Really?” Bucky asks. “Nothing? Why the hell am I in your car, then?”

“I mean, he gave me the basics, the two poor little matchboys, y’all had approximately half a penny to rub together, you kept him alive with nothing more than the flame of your undying devotion to warm your little breast, but he didn’t really flesh the story out.”

“Huh,” says Bucky.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Sam says, feeling like he might have made a wrong turn somewhere about five conversational miles back, “he cares about you. We all know he cares about you. And when he does talk, it’s nice stuff, you know, ‘Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky,’ that kind of shit.”

“Your Steve voice needs work.” Bucky’s picking at the upholstery in the backseat. He hasn’t made a hole yet, which Sam thinks is either a major point in favor of Japanese engineering, or Bucky Barnes is reining himself in for the first time in his life.

“Always open to suggestions,” Sam says. The hills roll out before them. Someone else might call them wide and welcoming. His skin prickles. They pass another billboard for another peach farm. It’s faded from who knows how many years of Southern sun, the oranges and reds gone ghostly.

“In 1937, he almost died,” Bucky says.

“I kind of got the sense that he did that a lot.”

Bucky chuckles. “Yeah, he did. This was different, though. We called the priest, and the priest came in and stood over him and said a lot of things about absolution, which was funny because Steve never went to confession after his ma stopped making him go.”

“Really?” Sam can’t help himself. “Sorry, I guess I always thought he would’ve been the altar boy type. What with all the guilt and all.”

They passed a lot of quarries going through Virginia, and Bucky’s smile looks familiar, like it’s been blasted into his face. “No, that was always me,” he says. “Steve was always trying to pick fights with anybody stronger’n him, and that included God.”

“Do you still?” Sam asks. It’s a few moments before Bucky replies.

“I go to Mass,” he says. “I don’t go up, though.”

“Oh.” Sam doesn’t know a lot about being Catholic, but he’s pretty sure the wafer part is a big deal.

“Yeah.”

They pass a field, a strip mall, a large block of concrete that’s either a factory or a prison. Bucky’s plant is slightly too small for the cupholder, and it rattles every time the road gets a little rough. It rattles a lot out here.

“The priest tried to put the oil on him, you know, like you’re supposed to at the very end, but Steve was sweating so much it just slid off him. Father said some stuff about easing his passage into the light everlasting, and he left, and it was just me in there, looking down at this little shit, this little bastard who was half my life. He couldn’t breathe, really, just kept making these scared, choked gurgling noises. It was fucking horrible. He wouldn’t stop. He wouldn’t stop making that noise, and I wanted him to die so bad.”

There’s a hawk circling above them. Sam stares blindly out the windshield.

“I reached out and I put my hand on his throat and I wanted to press down. I wanted to make it easy for him. He always tried so damn hard at things. He kept choking and I just pushed down, just the littlest bit, and it stopped, and god, I’ve never loved a silence so much in my life.”

Bucky’s wrapped his metal hand around the little pot, holding it still. The rattling stops.

“I let go, obviously. I let go, and he finally fell asleep. I guess maybe I jolted something loose, because he wasn’t making that noise the next day.” He laughs. “Or maybe I’m giving myself too much credit, huh? Maybe I’m just trying to make myself feel better.”

Sam pulls left to pass an ancient Honda.

“HYDRA didn’t do shit to me that wasn’t already there.”

“I don’t think it works like that.”

“Nah,” Bucky says. “It does, though. Because here’s the really fucked up thing, okay. More fucked up than me trying to kill my ‘best friend since childhood, inseparable in schoolyard and battleground,’ even. You wanna hear it?”

Sam doesn’t wanna hear it. He doesn’t. But Bucky needs to say it, and so he breaks yet another of his own rules, and he says, “Whatever you need to tell me, I’m listening.”

Bucky snorts. “Sure, Wilson, sure. I can’t remember, is the thing. I don’t know if I did that then, or if it was another scared kid I killed thirty years later. That sound got pretty fucking familiar after a while. Maybe I dreamed the whole thing. I don’t know. I sure as hell can’t ask Steve, can I?”

#my fic #tag games #catws #sam wilson #bucky barnes #mcu

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