#anyone else get this too or am I just weird?
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queen-of-deans-booty · 3 days ago
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Would It Be Weird?
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader
Word Count: ~2.6k
Warnings: fluff
Summary: After a night of drinking, you and your friends stumble across a fire station crawling with firemen. One of them catches your eye, and your friends try their damnest to get you two together. It’s been a long time for you but maybe Dean Winchester will change all of that.
Square Filled: stranger au (2023) for @spnaubingo
Author’s Note: any and all comments are greatly appreciated <3
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“Bartender! One more round!” your best friend, Shelly, calls out.
Despite being busy for the night, the bartender refills more shot glasses and hands them over one by one. After the week you just had, you deserve to have a night out for celebrations. Hard work pays off, and your boss promoted you to a manager with a significant pay raise, and Shelly just got engaged. That is enough to call for a celebratory night out with friends.
“So, have you decided on a maid of honor?” you ask Shelly when she returns to the table.
“You, of course. Better do a good job or else I’m asking my sister to do it.”
“Hey, don’t insult me. You know I love planning a good party,” you grin.
“I can’t believe I’m getting married! This is so surreal! Janice, when is Parker going to ask you to marry him? You’ve been together, what, six years?”
“We’re taking it slow. We don’t mind,” she shrugs. “Don’t come at me without coming after Tina. The other day, I caught her and Ben doing it on the kitchen counter.”
“Tina!” you gasp with a smile.
“I can’t help it. We’re in the honeymoon phase.”
“You got married three years ago.”
“No kids make the honeymoon phase last forever,” she laughs.
“So we’re all in relationships except for Y/N,” Shelly smirks. “When are you going to let a man ruffle those perfect feathers?”
“Shelly,” you grit out.
“Don’t give me that look. You’re the only one out of us who isn’t in a relationship. You’ve been single for half a decade now.”
It’s true. The last relationship you were in just didn’t do it for you. You stayed with him for three years because you thought that’s what you were supposed to be doing. He wasn’t anything special. He didn’t make your heart race. He didn't make your skin hot and clammy. He didn’t make you weak in the knees. But being with him was better than being alone.
You know better now. Being single doesn’t necessarily mean you’re alone. You have a wonderful job, loving parents, funny siblings, and wonderful friends. You like being single, but there are times when you wonder if there is more for you out there than meaningless sex and hookups.
“Despite what you might think, I’m happy where I am.”
“Nope, don’t accept it. We’re going to set you up tonight. Girls, do you see potential matches?”
“Come on, don’t do this,” you sigh.
Your friends chatter amongst themselves as they seek out potential matches for you while you sit there like a bum on a log. You can’t be too mad at them. They want to see you happy. Plus, they might actually find your next love. Despite their best efforts, they don’t find anyone worth your time, but you do get free drinks by flirting with men.
By two in the morning, you and your friends stumble out of the bar in laughter. Your home is a few blocks away so you’re okay with walking back to your place even though you drove there.
“We’ll come back for my car tomorrow. Right now, all I want is pizza. I have some in my freezer,” you say.
You’re not so drunk that you can’t walk straight or you’re slurring your words but you are drunk enough not to be able to drive. Your friends, on the other hand, are more far gone than you are. Shelly is a giggle drunk, Tina is a loud drunk, and Janice is a sexual drunk. You’re a mom drunk, always trying to take care of those around you. It’s why you’re less drunk than they are. Someone has to be the responsible one.
“Let’s stop there!” Tina gasps loudly.
She points to a firehouse that has the garage doors open to let in the cool night are. Inside are about half a dozen firemen, all with big muscles and tight clothing. Your friends are already walking over to the station with you trailing behind.
“Hey, ladies. What are you doing out here at two in the morning?” one of the men asks.
“The bar just closed and we’re not done with our party,” Shelly grins. “We go every Friday night.”
“Why aren’t the firefighters in my distract as hot as you guys are?” Janice giggles.
You step into the station and immediately become sober when you lock eyes with forest green eyes. All the air is knocked out of your lungs, your body becomes warm with tingles, and butterflies erupt in your stomach. Shelly notices the look in your eyes and nudges Janice with a smirk.
“I’m Dean,” Green Eyes says.
“Y/N,” you smile back.
“What’s the party for, ladies?”
“I just got engaged,” Shelly grins and shows off her ring to them. “Y/N just got a promotion.”
“What for?” Dean asks.
“To be a manager. It’s more money and I’m in charge of a lot of employees.”
“I hope you’re a good boss.”
“A very good one,” you smile.
“Do you have any alcohol?” Tina asks.
She stumbles forward and knocks into you. You fall forward and end up in Dean’s lap. He’s leaning against one of the trucks, and he easily catches you in his strong arms. There go the butterflies again.
“Sorry,” you whisper.
“Don’t be. It got you in my arms,” he flirts.
You turn in his arms but he doesn’t let go of you. In fact, he wraps his arm around your chest. Shelly sees the blush on your cheeks and is mentally doing backflips at the thought of you finding your one.
“No, alcohol. Sorry.”
“Y/N, you have some. Let’s go to your place,” Janice says.
“We were heading there when you guys wanted to stop here and talk to the nice men.”
You look past your friends and notice the firefighter pole in the corner, and you gasp happily.
“You have a pole! I’ve always wanted to go down one,” you grin. “Can I?”
“Maybe when you’re not drunk,” Dean chuckles. “How are you guys getting home?”
“Walking. I live a few blocks away. We drove here but my car is going to be parked at the bar all night.”
“Let me drive you girls just make sure you make it home okay.”
“That sounds amazing. We’d love a ride,” Shelly says before you can say anything. “Can we take the firetruck?”
“Do you want to take the firetruck?” Dean asks.
You pull away slightly and look into his eyes. How are they so green? Damn, his parents must have great genes.
“Sure,” you giggle.
“Don’t let the Captain catch you,” one of Dean’s friends smirks.
“Don’t tell him and he won’t know. We’re taking the truck, ladies. Hop in.”
Your friends whoop and cheer as they climb into the truck, and Dean helps you into the front. Instead of driving them all home, he just takes them to your house. It’s a short ride but you feel more sober now than you did when you first arrived at the bar. There's something about Dean that makes you want to remember the night. You want to wake up tomorrow and remember how green his eyes are.
Your friends pile out of the truck and stumble to your front door. You toss Shelly your keys so that they can go inside while you hang back with Dean for a few minutes alone with him.
“Thank you for the ride, Dean.”
“Anytime, sweetheart.”
You open the door and hop out, but Dean doesn’t drive away like you thought he was going to do. Instead, he rolls down the window so he can get a better view of you walking to your house. A man who waits for you to enter your house? That’s a man you want.
“I’ll see you later, Y/N,” he calls out.
“Bye, Dean.”
Only when he sees you walk inside does he drive off. Dean hasn’t left your mind since that night, even after a week of grueling work in the office. As a new manager, you’re expected to do more work and manage more than half a dozen employees. It’s what you signed up for, but you didn’t realize just how much of your energy it was going to cost you.
By Friday night, you and your friends went to the same club to unwind. This time, you didn't drive to the club because you don’t ever want to leave your car here again. Reports of cars being broken into came from the bar. Luckily, yours was left alone but it was enough to scare you from keeping it here again.
“So, what happened with fireman Dean?” Shelly asks with a grin. “Did you kiss him?”
“Shelly! No,” you laugh. “He just gave us a ride. That’s it. I don’t even have his number.”
“Maybe we should go back and get it for you,” Tina smirks.
“Leave the poor man alone.”
This time, you don’t drink as much as your friends because you’re kind of hoping to run into Dean again. You want to remember every interaction with him as you can, and you figure you can always drink at your house. Time flies when you’re having fun and before you know it, it’s already two in the morning. You and your friends pile out of the bar but pause when you see the shiny red fire truck waiting outside.
“Hey, ladies. Want a ride?” Dean grins.
“Dean, hi,” you smile.
The girls giggle to themselves at the starstruck look in your eyes. Thankfully, they don’t comment on it.
“Thanks for the ride, Dean,” Shelly grins.
The girls take their seats in the back while you’re still standing on the sidewalk. You take two steps toward Dean and end up tripping over your own two feet. Dean is quick with his reflexes and catches you before you faceplant onto the concrete.
“Now, if I wasn’t here, who would have caught you?”
“No one,” you blush.
“Exactly. Now I have to be here every time to catch you.”
Once you’re in the passenger seat, Dean takes off toward Shelly’s house. You give him directions to each of their houses until you’re the only one left.
“Thank you for driving us all home.”
“No problem,” he smiles.
You spot a Sharpie in one of the cup holders so you grab it and grab Dean’s right hand. You write down your number in big numbers so he can’t miss it.
“Call me next time you want to pick me up.”
“I’ll be sure to do that.”
You lean over and kiss Dean’s cheek before leaving the fire truck. He watches you with a slight smirk, only driving away once he knows you’re safe inside your house. This becomes a routine for you and Dean. He’s always there outside the club with the fire truck, ready to drive you and your friends home. One time, you had an Uber all set up but Dean refused to let you take it. Your friends are having a field day with this. They tease you about your new fireman boyfriend even though you and Dean aren’t dating.
Could you two be? Sure. He hasn’t asked you out nor have you asked him out, and you two have never kissed. You’re flirting, dancing around the edges of what could be. It’s enough for you right now even though it wouldn’t be so terrible to date him. It’s fun to have a sexy stranger waiting for you.
One Friday night, you’re the designated DD since you have to help your brother move tomorrow. Being the only one sober is hilarious knowing how raunchy your friends can get.
“So, when are you going to fuck him?” Shelly asks.
“It’s not like that. He’s just giving us rides.”
“I bet you’d like to ride him,” Janice giggles. Your entire face goes hot, and she laughs at the look on your face. “Look how red she is! You like him!”
“Drink your drink, okay?”
Throughout the night, all you can think about is Dean and how good he’d look on top of you or beneath you. Curse your friends and their no-filter mouths. By the time two rolls around, you’re leaving the club with your friends. Dean is standing outside near his truck like he’s always done the past few months.
“I’m the DD tonight.” You hold up your key. “No drinking for me.”
“When are you going to fuck her?” Tina asks loudly. “Because it’s been a long time for her.”
“Tina!” you hiss and look at Dean. “Sorry.”
“It’s no problem,” he smiles, “but I am driving you all home. You can call me tomorrow and I’ll drive you back here.”
“Why would you do that? It seems like a hassle.”
“It’s no problem.”
The girls hop into the back while you take the front, as per usual, and Dean starts the drive to Shelly’s house. While he’s driving, you can’t help but stare at him. He has such a great side profile. His jaw is strong and sharp, and he has a delicious amount of facial hair. Not too long but enough to feel the burn on your skin. Dean side-eyes you and smirks knowing you’re watching him.
“Want to turn the sirens on?”
“Yeah! Turn them on!”
“Can I?” you ask with a grin.
Dean shows you the button to press, and you flip the switch. The sirens go off and the lights flash rapidly, and your friends cheer and shout. Dean turns them off before someone thinks there is a real emergency. Dean stops at your house once all your friends are gone, but you don’t rush to get out.
“Thank you for driving them home. You didn't have to.”
“I wanted to. I like driving you home.”
Now that you’re sober, you can feel the tension between you two. This is going to be something you deal with another time, so you lean over and kiss his cheek like you’ve been doing.
“Goodnight, Dean.”
You get out of the truck and feel his eyes on you the whole time. Instead of going inside, you stop by your front door just staring at it. What the hell are you doing? There is obvious chemistry between you two. Are you really just going to ignore it and wait for someone else to snatch him up?
“Y/N?” Dean calls from the truck. When you don’t turn around, he gets out and lightly jogs over to you. “Hey, you okay?”
“Why did you drive me home?” You turn to face him. “Now I have to go back to the club to get my car.”
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow and drive you over there. Not in the truck, unfortunately.”
“That’s not what I asked you.”
“You were drinking tonight.”
“I was the DD. Why did you drive me and all my friends home?”
Dean rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Would it be weird if I told you I look forward to Friday nights knowing I get to see your smile?”
“No,” you mumble with a blush. “Would it be weird if I told you I only go to the club on Friday nights knowing you’re out there waiting for me?”
Dean steps closer to you with a smile. “No. Would it be weird if I wanted to kiss you?”
“It’d be weird if you didn’t.”
Dean pulls you into him and kisses you. It’s like how every romance author describes a first kiss. Sparks fly, euphoria flows through the veins, and you can’t ever see yourself kissing anyone else.
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spaghetticat3899 · 7 months ago
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I wish artfight went on for two months, because for whatever reason, the crushing weight of responsibility (the completely optional attacks I want to do) instantly immobilizes me, and then when I finally get the motivational boost after 2-3 weeks, it’s over.
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iizuumi · 8 months ago
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Enough general kn8 art, time to make everyone look at my weird little ship hello
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gothsuguru · 23 days ago
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doing the heavy lifting in a convo can be so tiring omfg
#THIS IS NOT ABT ANYONE HERE BTW I’M JUST RANTING#we talk abt the non-yappers but what about the Yappers…….#like are you interested in talking 2 me or not my friend lmk bc if not it’s always so much easier not to speak 😭#and i try to match people’s energies in how they text my friend said i’m a weird little chameleon like that#don’t know why they put the weird and little there but i’ll let it slide bc that’s oomf4life 🤨 but anyways#sighhhhhh sometimes i’m like oooooh am i too much ^_^ and then i back off#ONCE AGAIN THIS IS NOT ABT ANY MOOTS OR ANYTHING i love you all i would die for you#you can see me as the gum on your shoes and i’d be like :3 YIPPEE!!!!!!!!#but it’s like sometimes i talk and they don’t respond and i think they do to others and then i’m like :O LIKE DID I DO SMTHN WRONG#and like w IRL’s/close moots it’s totally fine like we’ve gone weeks w/o talking and then just get in the groove immediately#but then w a very small handful of people it’s like damn . baby i’m pulling teeth and i do Not feel like pulling anymore#BUT ALSO!!!!! i need to think from their perspective and maybe some people don’t like my texting energy which is fine and valid (die)#((kidding))#and also maybe some people feel that way abt me! like it’s pulling teeth or it’s just awkward (which is genuinely valid)#anyways . inch of resting#i will say i do worry sometimes that i end up centering the convo about what EYE think but i never mean it in a narcissistic way!#i just want them to know that i relate/they’re not alone! but i wonder if they may think that i’m making it abt me WHICH I PROMMY I’M NOT…#but there’s no point thinking that way but also . i don’t care NFNDNDNDN respectfully like i have my group and i can just stick w them :3#i rarely vent on here like this but SIGHHHHHH where else can i <3 i love tumblr tags#i would be nothing without tumblr tags i can talk here like it’s no one’s business#ANYWAYS TIME 2 EAT A BURRITO AND THEN WRITE#personal
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moe-broey · 6 months ago
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Amateur Hour but I gotta outsource this. Aromantics. Heed my call. What is "romantic" love to a non-believer?
Bonus Round if you're not entirely ace -- does experiencing any amount of sexual attraction influence your answer? Also acknowledging that both aro/ace identities exist on a spectrum. Believe me. I am deeply familiar... with so many kinds of spectrums........... 🧍
Also if this breaches containment It's Not That Serious........... just a personal question. For a friend. Me 🙂‍↕️
#was so tempted to put 'sometimes 'love' is just autistic obsession' as an answer bc on god#i do think that's a factor for me. like. espppppp in moe's case. moe is just Obsessed w alfonse.#extremely weird about him constantly studying him. like. it does feel like love... the intensity of it..... but.#both me and moe. most romance repulsed motherfuckers out there.#like. like. not to get too personal but the one relationship i did have. i genuinely felt i loved him#but i also think. so much of it was me reflecting what i Think love was 'supposed' to look like.#most importantly he was my best friend (at the time). and i def did feel differently about him than i did anyone else/even other friends#which is why i'm so conflicted... like half i did genuinely love him half i've never been able to love correctly#and it's always taken some level of putting on a performance according to what i see to 'perform' love#like. like. am i just autistic. does it just come down to the autism again.#but also esp nowadays like. back on my bullshit. i actually ALWAYS hesitate to call whatever moe has w alfonse 'romantic'#like. i think he does feel/experience romantic feelings. but moe is just so dysfunctional and messy#that like. i don't think it would call anything it feels about alfonse romance.#but it still completely adores him. in a way that's distinct from how it loves sharena and how it feels about anyone else.#even charas it admires. somehow. which honestly jusy leads me back to The Obsession again#also extremely focal is how the demisexuality kicks in. like. it's definitely not devoid of sexuality.#IDK IDK I'M TALKING TOO MUCH I'VE TALKED TOO MUCH AND I'M SO TIRED. I'VE BEEN SO TIRED#i'm not in my feelings honestly i'm just frustrated LMFAOOO LIKE. SCREAMING. WHY DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#why am i preordained by fate to never be loved OR understood. wjat the hell man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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suddencolds · 8 months ago
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do you ever look at a character and know immediately and irrevocably that you want to write them w the kink
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theokusgallery · 2 months ago
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I hate that I have reoccurring themes in everything I make. YES this guy has a complex over the fact that everyone prefers his sibling AGAIN. YES he was ostracized by his peers since he was in primary school and never knew why until years later. URGH
#i dont know why the siblings thing ends up coming up as often as it does (read: i know exactly why) but uuurggh#do you ever. have an inside joke with your sibling that your abusive dad prefers you over them and it's so established it's casual banter#but everyone you've ever tried to be sincere with (your mother; your peers) have consistantly preferred your sibling over you#even your own friends and kids who were closer to your age range than theirs#do you ever have a conversation with your best friend where they tell you that at first they didn't want to be friends with you#because you were ''too Weird''#do you ever get praised by a friend who says she envied you in middle school because you ''never cared about being different''#meanwhile you had no idea you were different and just couldn't fucking fix it#it took me that to understand that people avoided me because i was Weird. i thought the reason i had no friends was bc i was shy#that and the fact that i Didnt Know What Was Socially Acceptable Or Not and other kids were scared of me bc i was ''to blunt''#i have learned to value honesty over nearly everything else but that's only because i wish everyone else did the same.#literally everything i write has a main protagonist with low to no emotional empathy. like. ok#every character i write has that thing where they always felt like they were a monster for not feeling the right things. mh#i wonder how that might reflect on how my whole world came crashing down once i realised emotional empathy is A Real Thing#and not just a lie people made up for virtue signaling#''there's no way people /literally/ feel sad /for/ other people. they just know rationally that it's bad'' deep sigh.#anyway thats why i will never shut up about the fact that empathy is morally neutral and not a prerequisite for being a ''''good person''''#emotions are morally neutral. thats why we say all emotions are valid. thats why thought crimes aren't real#in short: you will pry human!au no empathy janus and autistic remus from my cold dead hands#i have. so many fucking thoughts.#janus is literally JUST like ME for REAL#except for the lying mostly because i !!! taught myself out of that#THE AMOUNT OF WORK I HAVE DONE ON MYSELF. I HAVE CLAWED MY WAY OUT OF THE TRENCHES OF MENTAL ILLNESS ON MY OWN AND I AM PROUD OF THAT#MAYBE it's because i can never open up to anyone ever BUT it's also because im SKILLED and SWAG and SELF-AWARE and THE BEST EVER. and MODEST#rant#the tag rambler strikes again . apologies
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coridallasmultipass · 2 months ago
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Vent/grief
#hhhhh it always feels weird going into the notes on an old post and seeing a person i knew who passed away#like just a random old fandom post#we werent close but like. it was nice always seeing that person at meetups and feeling welcomed by them#(since i was the newcomer there for college)#i was miserable but i still really miss that time in my life and think about all the ppl i met there all the time#fuck im crying lol i wish id been better friends with literally anyone there but especially that person too#fucking social anxiety and people dying young and moving back and forth from college ugh#i wish i did a ton of things differently#i hate not being an outgoing social person#but thats how my family raised me - to be introverted and quiet bc im the weird one in this stupid rural town back at home#i had a taste at freedom and all i did was take a sip rather than the whole drink#its really hard looking back and judging myself tho bc i know i was really going through a lot w mental and physical health#but if i knew it was only going to get worse i wouldve pushed myself harder#i miss that person and everyone else i met there and its hard feeling like im not allowed to grieve for a person i hardly knew#i always feel like an outsider no matter where i am or the people im around#i dont have history with anyone so its like. how tf do u start over new when everyone else already knows each other#all the small moments of momentarily feeling like a part of a group meant so much to me#anyway im ugly crying now i gotta try to do something else#vent#personal#delete later / /#ShitPost.exe
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trans-estinien · 10 months ago
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i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.
#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY????????????#can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before#is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people#i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this#was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something#“best way to learn is to observe the men around you” OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT????#bruh i can barely make eye contact w people...#my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever.#i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries#“men dont smile at people.” well they should.#ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet#“dont move with your hands” YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART#i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself#i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit.#at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are#my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing#im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that#shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them#i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like#in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves.#its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like.#regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like???#you can do what you want???? why do we care????#and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism#i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people.#i cant wrap my head around it at all#not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing#(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way)#unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason
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kowwpow · 7 months ago
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How it feels to want to say smth but either no one knows what you’re talking abt or you don’t wanna bother the one person who does bc you bother them w/ literally everything
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ourstarscollided · 2 years ago
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You’re welcome to explain your answer in the tags!
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ilovemylawyer · 5 months ago
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i love the EVIL part of EVILIVE btw. i find fucked up, unnameable unobtainable obsessive life-ending love extremely romantic and delicious. it’s the way things are in the evilive world! things are messy! and bad! and i love it! i (at least currently!!!) do not plan on writing anything pure fluff happiness because that is not something that i wish to extract from this show.. it isn’t there! i have no interest in erasing these harsh realities of evilive in my fics. happy lalala is not fun for me to write, and i won’t do it without a heavy underlying feeling of uneasiness and uncertainty and dread and despair and inevitable death. i like pain :/ and half of this couple is one of the most greedy selfish motherfuckers i have ever come to know and he’s oh so beautiful. so i am sorry if you finished evilive and wanted some kind of fix-it happy gays but i am NOTTTTTTTT the guy for that.
#ilml#idk.#lol.#sorry feeling a little defensive this sunday evening!#reqs are open indefinitely and if you need some kind of fix all you have to do is ask :]#but i will not write anyone from this show (intentionally) OOC because i respect them too much as human beings from my TV show.#from my little kdrama that takes up a huge portion of my brain.#my reason for writing at all for evilive is to explore aspects of it that we didn’t get to see on screen#anyways whatever sorry please be gentle with me ❤️#i am just a serious and passionate guy writing about a crime noir#it’s a tragic lovestory and i am not inclined to turn it into a kissing loving understanding relationship#like srsly han dongsoo? u know him yes? he wouldn’t be down for all that#he’s hetmarried in case we forgot#SORRY im so 😵‍💫. but please god be gentle with me. i am baring my soul to you through my writing and i need it to be handled with care#if you wish that evilive was nice and happy you could make it that way! but i will not!#maybe someone else already has/will!#but ILML (me!) is into evilness. i like weird evil lawyers who are evil and bad. and i have no desire to turn evil lawyers nonevil#and i have no desire to take away the joys of violence and power from the other half either#and idk how many of my readers are weird/offputting queer men who have been helplessly in love with a straight guy#but it is no easy event… it is no simple doing… it can perhaps even be an EVIL thing…#STRAIGHT UP RAMBLING AT THIS POINT. APOLOGIES!#<- guy who might be a little sensitive and need your understanding
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blitz0hno · 9 months ago
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Me pondering: kids are capable of going through and understanding complex problems and their feelings should be taken seriously when it counts.
Me practically: who are all these annoying fucking kids in the milgram fandom and why are they posting the worst takes and most irrelevant bullshit I've ever seen ever???
I think these are valid to coexist.
#haterposting sorry lile kids like amane?#w ACTUAL maturity and intelligence? yes hear them out!!#some 13-year-old posting drivel about “ships” when it's completely irrelevant#or missing the point of very complex plot points bc they are Literally Not The Age Demographic and Actually Dont Understand It?#im SO SORRY i am not gonna b mean to anyone but I WILL HATE THEM FROM AFAR#GO BACK TO BNHA OR DANGANRONPA U ARE ACTUALLY MAKING THE SPACES LOWER QUALITY BY BEING HERE#like obviously it does not matter at all lmao kids will do whatever#i was watching bojack horseman at 13 thinking i was So Smart i don't get to talk#but to be fair i NEVER missed the point as bad as some milgram kiddies in the YouTube side of the fandom#like no “wrong” way to enjoy things but imo they legitimately need to enjoy something else#but literally if your only takeaway from this project is “omg ship cute characters silly”#but you still insist on joining discussion spaces? god please leave#I DON'T HATE MINORS I DON'T DISCRIMINATE i just think the minors who legitimately have nothing to add should shut the fuck up#sorry livechat got me wildin lmaooooo idc that much but like it's a weird contrast#cuz my general genuine feelings for most situations is “yeah listen to kids' perspectives wholeheartedly”#but like ONLINE kids who post about nonsense that has nothing to do with what others are trying to discuss? godddd they legit need to leave#nothing against shipping either long as ur not Gross#(coughbitchesshippingwholeadultawunderagecharacterscough)#but if that's ALL YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT there are way better fandoms for that leave the milgram creators aloooone lmao#minors who actually Think about shit this does not apply to you obviously lol#if ur smart ur smart if you contribute u contribute#but like try to let urself be a kid sometimes too lol
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pilonciillo · 2 months ago
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on another note
#4-5ish months i’ve been the main (i’m pretty sure only) person cleaning every weekend#my only days off and through the week clean dishes or load up the washer and pick them up#occasionally someone else w load it but not pick up or vice verse#november i lost all motivation i ask for help i get told they’re tired or they work or later or im met w but i did xyz the other day blah bl#blah blah yk#i tried to clean in nov but i just can’t im tired it’s constant that im cleaning i want to do things not go from work to home for chores to#also cook and then clean up dinner because i also have a job#and when i do something im not like OH well i did xyz! so i won’t do that …no i just say okay because why bring up what i already did things#need to be done why are you arguing with me like we want to bring up receipts? i’ll bring them up#i’m cleaning up clothes that’s not mine i’m cleaning up shit piss ans throw up of a dog that is not mine i walk said dog occasionally#but nope not the other way around why would they do any of that when it’s not theirs ?#i ask them to pick one day to make dinner nope i can’t i’m busy i have xyz …okay i have work gym appts errands too#and since i have cleaned in like a month or over it’s a mess but no one has taken action to fix that it’s just it’s messy in here#that’s why i hate if you need help ask. .#I ASK I DONT GET HELP you ask i help but god forbid i ask#‘but you clean weird’ ‘you do a deep clean’ it’s a regular clean i clean to clean not to light dust and see it be back to how it was in a#day or two. deep clean is i’m up in a ladder cleaning the vents cleaning cabinets shelves i can’t regularly reach or are hard to get to and#honestly that should be a monthly thing#weekly is wipe down appliances. sweep swiffer vacuum and mop the floors. wipe countertops and flat surfaces. flip the chairs around tighten#bolts wash the tablecloth clean the table. vacuum the couches lint roll any cloth surfaces. clean or wipe down the stove/microwave depending#on how dirty. clean bathroom tub toilet sink floors mirror. this is not a deep clean w that you get the fridge and dishwasher windows move t#the furniture to clean under that. i am tired and i dont ever get to finish everything#bathroom stays last and weekends are only so long i also go to the gym or need to go to the store or have ot to do#and ik i brought up here that im depressed but im not bring that up to them because regardless these things need to get done be it a the#worlds slowest pace but does need to happen and i don’t want to use that as an excuse because i will just let myself lay in bed and not show#shower or move does this mentality eat away at me maybe idk but it’s what my parents gave me and it’s not changing i don’t think so here we#are.#we can wait another month and i might be on the up but ill be down again so 🤷‍♀️#like actually i can use a lot of things as an excuse but that doesn’t help anyone does it ?
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jinstronaut · 10 months ago
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
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nobodybetterlookatme · 4 months ago
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Hanging out with the bestie is scream laughing about funny/cringy shit we did when we were in middle school, then immediately after talking about why we feel unlovable lmao
#not snz#the duality of man fr lmaooooo#my stomach literally hurts from laughing so much#and then we goddamn were like 'anyway there's something wrong with me on the romance department'#amazing ahdkakslal#no bc I'm fucking weird like#whenever i like someone it's just kinda for fun#like it's not serious and i don't want it to go anywhere i just like having a little crush i guess#idk how to explain it but it seems nice in my head i just don't wanna fr date them?? but it's nice to imagine???#but the second i find out they like me it's over and done and i don't like them anymore#like no absolutely not it can't be real#i literally have no idea why I'm like this#it's fr just a celebrity crush but with my friends#i don't get it#like yeah i absolutely should like them in theory and want to date them#like i know anyone else in my position would be so happy their crush liked them back#but for me i hate it like it ruins the whole thing bc i don't actuslly wanna date them?????#genuinely no clue what's wrong with me that makes me panic and frantically try to press the backspace button when my crush likes me back#but that's why i don't have a partner LMAO#idk maybe my person feels safe bc it's technically not a real relationship and therefore it's safe#whatever I'm too tired to deal with this but just know there's something so fucking wrong with me#also i know i was literally just talking about this like a day ago but I'm still think about it#like fr what is wrong with me someone tell me what flavor of fucked up i am that I'm like this lmao
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