#anxiety yet again
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I feel like I'm gonna puke
#anxiety yet again#it's a daily battle#but it's got hands today#i feel a pit in my stomach#every once in a while ill feel my heart beat throughout my whole body#im even feeling a little shaky and sweaty#why must you do this to me brain#NOTHING IS EVEN HAPPENING#alright im done shouting into the void now
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Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)
Sure has been a year.
#terri#niart#got my wisdom toofies out#well 2 out of 4#still got stitches#idk if this removal lowkey fixed my fear of the dentist?#it was so easy and painless#also finally i'm on anxiety meds jkahsdjash#i also got depression meds but i haven't tested them yet#I'm going to see the love of my life soon again!!!#only 2 more months to go....#i've also finally found awesome friends who don't make me feel like i'm insane for wanting to be cared for#the difference is like night and day#old friends saying hey let's surprise another friend of ours oh also i think it's your birthday on that day#new friends reminding me to pick a brunch place for us to go on my special day#i am sobbing#the right people are out there#don't lose hope#i've never felt this platonically loved honestly#also yes i'm working on the next dragon's lair aksjdhasjkd#just#a lot of things happening and i'm sooo burnt out#this piece was such a strain and i just#don't have patience for art rn#this is photobashed btw there's an actual photo of my typewriter under all those layers#i'm not about to spend 300 hours just to draw a typewriter from this angle kajshdjkasdh#ALSO ONE MORE THING CAN I JUST GUSH ABOUT THE ANASTASIA BROADWAY OKAY?!?!?!#I didn't realise until now that they made it way more historically inspired and i mean bruh BRUH#i have been having a recording of it playing on the background nonstop for like 3 days now#Vladimir Popov I want to inject you straight into my veins holy shit he is a perfect man
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POV: Your evil murder kitten's mask has slipped and you can see how deep she is drowning in fear and paranoia.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#a lot of people forget that minthara has some pretty intense anxiety and PTSD#it truly does bother me that her trauma is often overlooked by the fandom#and many do not see the parallels she has with the other companions (ie Astarion Shadowheart and Lae'zel)#there is no way in hell she did not have some flashbacks in the mind flayer colony#or after seeing Orin as one of the impersonators#one of the biggest Larian L's is not having orin acknowledge minthara if she is in your party (or at all in the game)#minthara will also say nothing mid conversation with orin and only talks about her afterwards#i know that this is larian just not thinking to record or write any dialogue for this#but i've always rationalized it as minthara is just that terrified of orin and is too afraid to speak to her#minthara herself is extremely terrifying and powerful and yet she is terrified of orin#do you have any idea just how badly orin had to have hurt her for minthara of all people to be scared of her?#i also cannot stress this enough: minthara was never a willing participant in anything orin did to her#anything the two may have done together was because minthara was compelled by the tadpole to do#sorry for ranting in the tags - it will happen again
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Do you remember? Nope! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Mother 3#Duster#Lucky#Went and reread Lost and Found again <3 The first chapter anyhow it's my favourite#Planning to do a full reread after I actually Pick Mother 3 Back Up agh I've been away so long!#Other things doin' - other things reading and playing#I do want to tho! I'm on a Duster chapter if I remember correctly :D#Still so funny to me how Lost and Found was the impetus of my fic printing project haha#Haven't gotten to it yet that's also fallen off! I want to get into back-and-front printing but for that I need to do formatting#I wonder if there's a program for that actually :0 Seems like there should be! A way to have every first-and-fourth on the same side...#Doing it by hand is a good way to get misprints :P I already have one of my fic prints with a misprinted first/second page!#ANYway lol - Duster! Lucky! He! <3 <3#Got very inspired by the mental image of the ghost of Lucky's history haunting him <3#Those missing pieces! The core of him still there still sweet and gentle but those important elements that make him Duster#Following him overshadowing the happinesses he finds with doubt and anxiety#It's all so lovely <3#So fun to watch him stumble through into things he wants and feeling unsure if he Can#Of course he deserves it he's wonderful ♪
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Arcade! As someone who also has OCD (and autism, but thats besides the point), I just want you to know that it DOES get better! I dont know if thats the only issue youve been dealing with lately (other than the computer one), but I just want you to know that you *can* definitely take a break and that it WILL get better <3 And dont worry about your patrons at all, we're much more worried with your mental state than with our rewards! <3
This message is so sweet of you it genuinely brings a tear to my eye, thank you ♡
I've definitely got a lot of stuff to sort through on my plate right now, while the OCD is definitely a big contributer to all of this I (and people i trust) also think I had a lot of stuff piling up for a while and it kinda became a whole "straw that broke the camel's back" ordeal. Just one of those unfortunate situations where I always tried to look for help but couldn't receive it until it actually became an emergency. (Don't recommend that btw--if you need help then keep pushing for it until you get it)
It really does mean a lot to hear you say though. I feel bad for feeling bad because I care about you guys and especially the ones going out of their way to pay me! I have always been met with so much kindness and generosity and I feel terrible when I can't provide for those who have showed so much love for the things I make! It can be hard not to be impatient with myself because I love making my art and games and I love when I get to share them with you all and seeing the joy you get from them, and I'm sad when I can't do that and I feel bad for you guys when I can't do that!
Luckily though I'm finally receiving much-needed mental health services. I'm still just only beginning but I'm at least seeing the tiniest slivers of progress and it makes me hopeful, at least for today.
I do intend to take the rest and recovery I need, but I will still be excited for whenever I get back to the usual fun we have around here. Thank you for your patience, understanding, and incredibly supportive words. They mean so so much more to me than you could ever know ♡♡♡
#if you reading this dont know about the computer stuff the bare bones is my computer has become a source of anxiety for me in recent time#and i dont feel comfortable using it again just yet#hence the uptick in traditional art#but again hopefully after more time and and mental assistance i will be back to it#trust the process and all that!#thank you everyone for your patience truly#its deeply appreciated#reply
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"hyacinth, i do not think penelope can breathe" → "i cannot breathe" + the clock chiming after penelope passes out, ergo.... she does indeed actually stop breathing.
#*carly catalogs#i've managed to avoid spoilers cause i'd like to go into pt. 2 as blind as possible#and netflix has this annoying way of advertising and releasing so much sneak peak footage of their most popular show#not that i really mind spoilers normally but ya know#i saw a gifset of hyacinth practically pouncing on penelope and colin's comment ignited this theory again#there really is no significance at all here#yet my brain is still at war with itself over this#like... i am sane enough to know i'm dead wrong#but delusional enough to still have expectations#sszdfrttyghjkl#clearly it's her anxiety and all her bottled up emotions finally creeping up on her#rather than there being something actually medically wrong with her#so it's really not going to be THAT climatic but still.....#just another post exposing myself and how big of a clown i am#bridgerton#bridgerton season 3#bridgerton s3 part 2#colin bridgerton#penelope featherington#polin#otp: you are special to me
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Some added clarification:
Out = irl status. If that's different with different people, then it's if you're willing to identify as your actual gender (regardless of how you present) with a group of new people who are trans-positive
Comfort levels ≠ whether you share your actual pronouns. You can share the wrong pronouns but be comfortable with the fact of sharing pronouns, or awkward about sharing your correct pronouns. You can appreciate being asked but still feel uncomfortable with the pressure to share. This question is just about how you feel about the idea of yourself sharing that information
unfortunately there are only 12 poll options
#i ask because i always appreciate the pronoun sharing#but it still feels awkward as hell when it's my turn#especially when everyone so far has introduced themselves with binary pronouns that match their gender presentation#which means if i say they/them im the first openly/visibly trans one in the group and hell no im not ready for that 😅😭#polls#queer#trans#transgender#nonbinary#pronouns#pronoun sharing#again: wonderful concept but my anxiety is Not Ready For That Yet
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what do you mean you're not always in a state of worry and fear?????? wdym you aren't excessively overthinking all the time???????????????
#tana talks ⋆˙⊹#my heart is always pounding over the littlest things#and here i thought i beat anxiety#anxiety beat me#yet again...
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Doodles of Gabriel and intruder that didn’t really go anywhere
#exuse me as my artstyle changes yet again#tmc#mandela catalouge intruder#mandela catalouge fanart#mandela catalouge gabriel#mandela catalogue#doodles#my art#procreate#hhh#posting anxiety so I’m just getting wateves
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i’m gonna keep pretending vague qsmp stuff isn’t being teased
#genuinely the rush of overwhelming anxiety i got when stuff first getting posted . that i still fucking get now#if it’s good then cool 👍 but i do not have the mental bandwidth to deal with it#q*mp was one of my most fun fandom experiences yet but also the most intense and i think the only one that impacted me enough to the point i#feel actual dread about it coming back . especially with how fucking vague everything is#again if it’s good (whatever the ‘it’ is) . then good . but damn am i tired of that in between of not knowing what their intentions are#jay rambles
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Also while I'm talking about the movie I've never seen: why is Anxiety kinda gender?(is, out of context, the most insane thing I've ever said)
#I know they aren't CANONICALLY non-binary but like. Idk y'all I think we should claim her#(again I have not seen this movie yet I dont feel strongly enough abt it to see it in theaters)#inside out#inside out 2#anxiety#inside out anxiety#anxiety inside out
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click for better quality
a large The Prophecy Begins collage, inspired by @thunderc1an 's yearly redraw
i might use this as a sketch/inspo for a larger piece, as there are more characters i want to include but didn't have room for/forgot.
rusty is in the middle, bluestar is above him, with a dog's maw above her. to the left is (going down) is princess, cloudtail, and smudge (as well as a bag of cat kibble). to the right is (going down) is yellowfang, tigerclaw, and broken star, with 2 stars representing yellowfang's other kits. below kittypets are windclan led by tallstar in the tunnels, with cinderpaw and her broken leg on the thunderpath. below rusty is scourge's paw. to the lower right is crookedstar with silverstream below him. to the right of him is leopardstar and tigerstar on the pile of bones. below silverstream is ravenpaw and graystipe, and below them is sandstorm and dustpelt
#macs doodles#this helped me get out of an anxiety induced slump so thats nice#done w a mouse in mspaint yet again#silverstreams design was silly to play w i liked drawing her like a seal#princess and rusty might be my fav designs though#also cloudtail#not tagging this bc im tired...
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Wearing my Big Time Rush Forever Tour 2022 tshirt while I Pokemon Go to the polls
#please kamala harris. pls americans. restore the little faith ive had that we could defeat trumpism once and for all#he never shouldve run again. straight up after jan 6th it shouldve been illegal#what a coincidence that it's guy fawkes day and we're at risk of reelecting a man who attempted a violent insurrection#tales from diana#i remember when we went to the forever tour in gilford nh it was 6/25#i don't remember how recently it was from that point exactly but it was right after roe was overturned#on the highway i saw a large sign that said 'white and proud' and i just recoiled#what a loser you have to be#yeah politics was weighing on me heavily that day even tho it wasn't election season yet#the midterms were still months away. and those are important but they do not carry the same dread#i love you guys. whatever happens i love everyone who is trying to prevent this would-be dictator from another term#i hope this ends in celebration. but no matter what#thank u to everyone who has commiserated w me in my anxiety about this man. thank u to everyone who has fought to resist him and his allies#i really do dread the potential worse outcome so much that my hope feels extinguished#but it isn't. we still have this. no matter what happens we have each other
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#Aaand we're live! I have overcome my anxiety and once again started to share my creations with the world#Anyways I love these two soft yet spiky headed idiots so why not swap their outfits right#Vash the stampede#Trigun#Phoenix Wright#Ace Attorney#Neb's art
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HIIIII
are you going to finish sirius c bc i loved it and im kinda delusional and i just keep thinking that you're going to come out with this 200 page book for the third chapter but honestly i take everything you give me and more and i love you ok bye 💞💞💞
I love u love u love u ❤️❤️❤️❤️ but u either get 4000 words of pure price/reader smut after I blueballed everyone or the last chapter of Sirius c, I can only do 1 at a time
#also the last chap is giving me anxiety YET AGAIN!!!!#I can never get my fucking anxiety wirh finishing fics under control#also I fear I hate what I’ve written so far and I need to start over
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I have not eaten anything today and I frankly don't have the motivation to make anything, or even care that I haven't had anything
#things are not good for me right now#like I'm crying again and the only reason I haven't texted my boss to say I'm not going to work tomorrow#is cause my anxiety is through the roof at the thought of having to communicate#and I'm kinda in a spiral about being a failure at work and do think its a matter of time until I'm fired#so i should probably get as many hours as I can#not that any of this even matters like I'm well aware all of my problems are trivial and yet here i am once again having a break down#and my therapist said it's not productive to tell myself to suck it up and stop being a baby but here we are#and the instinct is really strong
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