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ravetillyoucry · 6 months ago

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PUPARIA

Chapter 12 - je t’aime ★ je t’aime

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The crisp autumnal air in the evening was perfectly warm, yet also cool and refreshing, and the best way to enjoy it was standing out on Teddy's balcony with a cigarette in hand.

Hosah leant over with his elbows against the fine railing, taking in the city sky line as the sun went down, all the twinkling lights of the incomprehensibly tall buildings coming to life in a similar fashion to stars which were no longer visible from the light pollution. It was a real shame, they were his favourite part of his childhood hometown.

Without warning, a much larger figure wrapped its arms around the shifter's bare waist, resting a chin on his shoulder as he'd done previously.

"One two three, that's enough for me," Teddy joked, taking the cigarette from between his roommates fingers, making the decision that this was now something they'd be sharing.

Hosah's attention turned to the freckled forearms encapsulating his body, deciding not to fight against the touch for once in his life,

"Thought you were on the whole 'smoking is bad' train," The shifter joked back, "Am I a bad influence?"

Instead of giving a straight answer, Teddy instead gave an unsure 'Mmm' as he inhaled the toxins once more, something unexpected of him to even know how to do properly.

Hosah knew the innocent and inexperienced mental image he'd created of his assistant to be most likely inaccurate, which is why he'd felt guilty for thinking of Teddy in such a way, but he couldn't shake the views he'd gained of the auburn haired man, so him indulging in these kinds of poor habits, that he himself was guilty of, was certainly shocking to the shifter.

"So," Teddy propped his head up, passing the cigarette back to the shifter as he'd moved his arms from around his waist to around his shoulders, "How are you liking it here?"

The question was unusually bland, but still, Hosah struggled to find the right words to summarise his feelings.

"It's nice," Was certainly one way to put it, "I feel like I can relax again."

Although somewhat true, Hosah still found it hard to break from his train of thought taking him to dark places in his mind. One idea that came to mind was certainly an intrusive one, one where his stalker waited below the apartment building with a little red target dot places perfectly in the middle of the shifters head, ready to shoot him down and end everything in less than a split second.

"That's good," Teddy's head tilted into the crook of the shifter's neck, where he himself once lay when the roles were reversed, his entire form fitting into that one little space, one where his assistant's whole upper head couldn't even imagine fitting.

This was another scene Hosah imagined to be quite picturesque. He wondered if anyone was watching the pair, maybe he could've asked them to take a candid shot of the moment so he could keep it in a photo album forever.

Despite the fact he was only half way through the perfectly good cigarette, something within Hosah, probably relating to his stalker, told him it was time to go back inside. Flicking the ash that hung onto the slender tobacco cylinder, the shifter let it fall down all seven stories before hitting the pavement below them, almost landing on a passerby's head in the process.

"I'm cold," Hosah lied, wriggling out of the touch and rushing back in through the glass sliding door. Of course he'd be cold, the only pieces of clothing he had on were his socks and boxer briefs.

The sudden thought of the person who'd been watching his every move getting sight of him and Teddy's growing closeness was one that scared the shifter. Things were going so well, if some outside uncontrollable forces were to ruin everything they'd created, he'd be devastated. If things were to end badly, it'd have to be on his own accord, then he wouldn't be able to wallow in self-guilt. Hosah would much rather be mad at himself for all eternity than feel bad for himself.

Although, that was exactly the problem, if the shifter's growing anxiety were to worsen, if he were to become more and more paranoid by the day as he was seeming to be, it'd force a wedge between himself and his new roommate. Hosah already spent his days with an unexplained pit of forbidden knowledge in his stomach, one that told him something bad was going to happen, he just didn't know when.

The unshakable feeling of impending doom was one that dictated his every thought, his every action, his every word, his whole livelihood was spent feeding this forever growing black hole of anxiety, and he wasn't going to let it start to consume those around him too.

"You okay?" The voice came from the balcony door, one with concern in its tone, as Teddy stood there with an undeniably cute pout on his face.

Hunched over the kitchen counter, Hosah replied in a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding this whole time,

"Yeah, think I'm just falling asleep here," His fake laugh was extremely obvious, but there were bigger things to care about.

Seeing the gorgeous face looking back at him certainly put Hosah's mind at ease. If he were to be struck down by this crazed killer, he just hoped it'd be done with Teddy looking down at him. If there was an afterlife, he hoped every angel up in that sacred place would have a face at least somewhat as beautiful as Teddy's. Now that truly would be heaven.

Making his way to the cluttered bedroom, Hosah half expected his assistant to follow behind him like the lost little puppy he was, but as he lay down on the unmade bed, the shifter realised Teddy was still stood in the kitchen opposite.

"Aren't you coming to read?" Hosah felt like they were some old married couple as he yelled out across the apartment.

The two had gotten into the habit of migrating into the bedroom when they were almost passed out on the sofa with the TV blaring reruns of old men cooking show garbage, and Teddy would sit and read besides him as the shifter fell asleep, but once he woke up in the morning, he'd realise Teddy had actually gotten up and went to sleep on the couch.

He felt bad seeing the man who was definitely too tall for the makeshift bed all cramped up like that, but on the other hand, Hosah couldn't help but feel he was right to do so, given all the stories from his past that Jules had spread around the office.

Instead of looking scared or disturbed as Hosah half expected him to, Teddy turned around with a smile, "On my way."

And sure enough, in he came, and down he lay by the side of the smaller, freshly washed, cut and dried man. The two just sort of lay in the dimly lit room, turned on their sides looking at each other like two high-school girls up past their bedtime talking about their latest crushes.

Even when only illuminated by the bedside lamp behind him, Teddy's eyes were still hypnotically bright, the green colour being similar to that of a rich emerald on the most beautiful crown you could picture in your head.

It took a whole lot of strength to not point out the two orbs staring straight through him, but luckily, his assistant bit the bullet in the first to talk game.

Brushing the length of Hosah's wavy hair out of his eyes, Teddy half-whispered, "I think you should let your hair curl more, it's pretty like this."

The little crooked canine that stuck out when his assistant smiled was unbearably charming. Fighting the urge to reach out and touch it, Hosah instead turned his head down to avoid looking at the man laid beside him.

How he'd ended up in such an intimate position with a man he was so certainly attracted to was beyond the shifter. Maybe luck was finally starting to favour him, maybe he'd unlocked some kind of hidden charm he hadn't realised he'd had within him as of late, drawing in the type of person he'd been searching for without his own knowledge.

Whatever it was that brought Teddy to the shifter, it deserved a very large thank-you. Whether it be luck, fate, some kind of supernatural interference, it was on Hosah's side with this one.

It seemed Teddy just got closer and closer to the shifter whilst he hid his reddening face, as when he'd finally got the courage to look back up, the two were so close that the tips of their noses brushed against each other when Hosah's face matched the same level as his assistant's.

The combination of sudden touch, close proximity, and pre existing attraction all blended into one scenario was all too much for the shifter's heart, shooting down to his base size of three inches in the blink of an eye. Phew, that was a close call. If they had stayed like that any longer, Hosah wouldn't have half a mind to think his assistant was trying to kiss him. But that was stupid, Teddy wasn't that type of guy, Teddy probably didn't even see him that way, and was just messing with the shifter to get a reaction out of him.

"Shit," The only word Hosah could muster out as he lay in the fetal position beside the giant.

The shifter quickly turned to his other side, frantically looking away from the perpetrator of the malicious attack against his feelings, eyes shut tight incase Teddy went in for the final K.O.

There was only a brief moment of awkward, flustered, homoerotic silence before Teddy spoke up, "...Sorry, too close."

Hosah turned back over to face the person speaking to him, afraid his overreaction would ruin their future possibilities all together,

"It's okay, been itching to shrink all day anyway," the shifter explained, moving himself into the resting cupped hand that lay out besides Teddy's face.

He was certainly not inexperienced with being close to other men, in fact, the amount of guys Hosah had shared a bed with could probably fill an entire stadium, but there was something so inherently familiar about the sincerity in Teddy's touch, the genuine love and care in all of his gentle brushes of his fingertips against the shifter's brittle skin, the kind of affection Hosah had not yet received in life, and that terrified him. The thought of finally learning what it meant to be loved by someone else, and suddenly losing that. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to move on from that.

The future however, did not matter right now, all that mattered was that Hosah was finally in the warm palm of a beautiful man who cared for him. There was no point in worrying about the day it'll disappear when he could just enjoy it as it were happening, is what he tried to tell himself as his mind wandered into the deep unknown depths of itself.

Teddy's hands weren't exactly the most delicate or elegant he'd ever seen, but they were certainly soft and pleasant. A little coarse on the tips from farm work, Hosah presumed, but they were steady and stable, something the shifter most definitely lacked and was in need of in this life.

Twisting around onto his stomach, Hosah peered up at whatever the giant was doing, which was what he usually did before bed, far too indulged in some sort of book the shifter could quite make out the cover of from such a distance away and in such bad lighting.

Despite wanting to call out for attention, instead Hosah just watched attentively, hoping the sensation of eager eyes boring into the giant's face would be enough to make him look up from whatever he was so engulfed by.

Fortunately, it seemed Teddy couldn't turn the page with just one hand, putting the book down with the two pages separated on the bedside table, his view finally shifting down into the tiny man that lounged in his palm like they didn't just share an extremely embarrassing intimate moment that will be ingrained in both of their memories for the rest of time.

"You look comfortable," was all the giant could muster has he moved the rest of his body in accordance to the shifter's satisfaction.

"Yeah," Hosah sighed wistfully, "Don't leave to sleep on the couch tonight please."

He didn't even intend to make such a big request from his roommate in the moment, but it seems the shifter's wants heavily surpassed his ability to think before speaking. Wide-eyed in embarrassment, a response couldn't come faster.

Equally as red as the shifter once was, Teddy laughed, his free hand rubbing his face as an excuse to cover it, "Okay, if that's what you want, 's it scary all alone in the dark?" The giant teased,

"Well when you have a stalker that invaded your home, I guess so," The macabre joke was one Hosah fully expected not to land, as he often assumed with most of the jokes he made that he genuinely considered funny, but it seemed that Teddy saw the comedy in the situation too.

"Hah, cmon," The giant's palm shifted, pressing the shrunken figure up against the cozy chest of which he'd grown familiar to, "Go to sleep,"

Despite the layer of thin t-shirt material between them, this still felt more intimate than the likes of which the shifter had ever experienced. Well, you didn't have to tell Hosah twice, as he might as well have passed out right in that moment with how quickly he went from a hundred to zero as he curled up, sandwiched between the hand and the chest. Okay, maybe this was a more accurate representation of his ideal heaven.

-~-

The next few passing days at work became more and more repetitive by the second. Hosah would spend all day pining for the touch he, quite literally, shrank away from, only to wimp out once they were home and his assistant went back to testing the waters with him again.

Just the inkling that his feelings were mutual was enough to make the shifter a flustered mess, and the fact Teddy took full leverage of that power he held over the shifter became more apparent by the minute. Getting just slightly closer than he did yesterday, taking more risks with the things he said, all steps that would water the seed that was their romantic relationship, until it eventually bloomed into an incomprehensibly beautiful thing.

Sitting on the hardwood desk besides all the files and loose papers had become a part of Hosah's nature, a second, or third if you count his own apartment, home to him. Lately, the shifter had been heavily slacking off with all of the casework still left to do, getting lost in Teddy's vast form that sat in front of him, his eyes becoming fixated on all the little details that were only visible at such a size.

"I think you should move in, like, officially." The statement caught Hosah incredibly off guard.

A little shocked, and also sort of flattered, the shifter responded, "Uh, yeah, yeah me too. I.."

There was no easy way to put the fact that Jules was not only both his boss and best friend from his teen years, but also his landlord.

"..I'll need to take that up with Boss though. My rent is taken straight from my paycheck. Her dad owns the apartment complex I live in, she's my landlord."

"Oh, god," Teddy laughed, "I'm sorry that happened to you,"

"Yeah. Shitty situation to end up in. Needed to get out of there anyway,"

His apartment was not a place Hosah had grown particularly attached to, preferring the heavily decorated space that his assistant owned to the endless liminal space that was his complex's hallways. Sometimes, when it was dark outside and the only thing he had to light his pathway was the buzzing, flickering, yellow overhead lights, Hosah wondered if he was even anywhere near his home, the building being more like a maze if anything. The papered walls and carpeted floors resembled that of the Stanley Hotel, the shifter half expecting to see a creepy pair of ghostly twins at the other side of every corner he turned.

"Well," His assistant leant in closer, his rolled up sleeves showing off his forearms, "We can take it slowly, no need to rush into things, given how hectic it's all been lately."

Hosah didn't have anything to say, instead just humming in agreement.

"Anway, when's that specialist appointment?"

Oh, right, the shifter had almost completely forgotten about Doctor whats-his-face.

"September nineteenth." He recalled off the top of his head, exactly one month until Teddy's birthday on the day.

His assistant's head tilted, cheek smushed against his arms, eyebrows angled downward like a sad puppy, "Are you worried about it?"

"Pshh," Hosah scoffed, "No."

The shifter thought it'd be easier to just lie about his true feelings towards the situation. There was enough underlying, heavy tension between the pair as is, given the fact Teddy probably felt he had to walk on eggshells around the shifter, desperately pleading that whatever he did, he didn't hurt the impossibly tiny figure that lay in his hands in the dark.

Besides, Hosah had spent enough time in his life with some kind of caretaker figure. His entire highschool experience was being followed closely by his advocate, the man that would protest for his rights in both the education and the health care system, as well as providing for the shifter as his key worker at the establishment.

Hosah often felt selfish as an adolescent, for having someone whose entire career focus was him. He didn't need someone running after him twenty-four-seven, he could've done just fine if he'd stayed at home and in a regular school, but nobody else in the world believed in him, deciding to dump him off into some professional care setting rather than putting in any effort. Hosah would do anything not to live the way he did over ten years ago.

"... Are you sure you're okay?" Teddy leant in, his face being the only thing in the shifter's line of sight, whispering so nobody would hear their conversation.

Hosah looked anywhere but forward, his hands instinctively running through his uncharacteristically soft hair as he usually did when he was nervous,

"Of course! Why- why wouldn't I be?" The shifter tried his best to put on a smile, but it came off much more awkwardly than true, genuine contentment.

"You've been acting off for the past few days, 's all.." The assistant muttered, sitting up properly in his chair, eyes falling to the floor.

Oh, could it, just maybe, be the aggressive flirting making him act strange? Hosah would've laughed out loud at the idea if he wasn't already feeling a little sickened by his assistant's ability to read his feelings.

"It's just a lot. Or.. the fact that it's not really anything at all.." The shifter wasn't sure what he was getting at either, Teddy's sudden turn to attention with an eyebrow raise proving the statement to be not as good as if sounded in his head.

"I mean- That person who mailed me my own painting. There's been a real dip in missing people, there's been no more parcels, no more notes, just.. Nothing. It's the radio-silence that's stressing me out," Hosah rambled, suddenly being able to perfectly articulate his feelings he wasn't even sure if he fully understood before he opened his mouth,

"At least when they're peering through windows or writing me weird death threat slash love letter manifestos, I know what they're thinking, what they're feeling, I can make an educated guess at their next move."

"I.." Teddy sighed, a little lost for words, "I didn't know that's what you were feeling- or what you were thinking, you need to speak to me more about these kinds of things, instead of bottling it up."

If Hosah were to talk more about his internal conflicts, he'd be nonstop chattering about it, he already opened up about what he was thinking way more than he'd done in his entire life in the short month he and Teddy had known each other for.

"That's what that specialist is for." Hosah said, a slight bit of unintentional annoyance in his tone of voice.

"Still need to talk to me. Communication, it's a very important skill in relationships." The look on the shifter's face as Teddy said that last part probably lead on that using such a word to describe the pair was a little too bold for their current position,

"I mean- given that we're living together now," Quick save, nice.

Hosah scoffed as he spoke, "Only if you start telling me what you're thinking and feeling too."

"Deal." Ah, the shifter wasn't expecting to come to a mutual agreement, half thinking Teddy would back out of the proposal after his ultimatum.

Communicating what was going on in his brain wasn't an entirely foreign concept to the shifter. After going through some good old fashioned court-mandated therapy, Hosah would even consider himself a pro, but that was the main issue at hand. Teddy wasn't his psychiatrist, as much as he'd like to believe otherwise, and given he was being sent back to specialist rehabilitation, the shifter didn't think he'd need the extra mental support.

He'd already given the assistant an unfathomable amount of extra work load, I mean, the guy didn't get a break even in his down time. Every moment Hosah spent in his house, being doted on and chased around after, the worse he felt about the position he was in. Maybe the person who had been watching him was right after all, maybe he really was a leech to those around him, one that sucked all the life out of them and ran away when all got too real.

Suddenly, Hosah felt bad for even being in his voluntarily shrunken form in the first place, although this is how he was the most comfortable, he didn't even think to consider how it was affecting his roommate. Sure, the shifter could just ask Teddy if caring for him was too much on his plate, but making assumptions was the route Hosah usually preferred to take.

"I mean.." The giant's voice above him stopped the shifter's train of thought, "If there's anything you don't want to talk about, that's okay too. Just clarify, I don't want you to think I'm prying or anything, I just think we should be on the same page about these kinds of things, you know?"

Hosah nodded, still not fully all there, he'd appreciate a little leeway in the direction they were headed, although pulling the 'I don't want to talk about it' card would make him feel like he was a hormonal teenager again.

"Well, I think and feel that we should go back to my apartment and get the last few bits of my stuff. Still need to get that gun, see if I have any mail, you know."

The rest of the day seemed to fly by in a confusing daze, the shifter barely able to focus on just about anything with his influx of conflicting thoughts. To be annoyed at the giant, or to not be annoyed, the age old question. On one hand, Hosah had begun to really enjoy the shift in their dynamic, but on the other, the prospect of opening up, of having the giant understand him on such an intimate level, was terrifying.

Whenever the shrunken man stood on Teddy's shoulder like this, it filled him with an unshakable feeling of imbalance, like the giant was leaning to the left, standing on an angle, but it was probably the most satisfying mode of transport out of his other options, giving him a full regular height view of the space around him.

The feeling that overrun the shifter as the pair made their way through the identical labyrinth of hallways was like that of passing by an old place you remembered from your childhood, and seeing it shut down and disheveled right before your very eyes. A sense of overwhelming sadness, mixed with euphoric nostalgia all at once. There was nothing positive to associate his old home with, but just the fact it was his apartment, with his furniture, his own private space, was enough to fill anyone with a sense of pride.

Hosah's heart thumped in his throat as his assistant fumbled for the keys to open the familiar teal door that stood in front of them, afraid of what he'll see on the inside, almost closing his eyes entirely as it dramatically creaked open.

And there it was, exactly how he'd left it.

It seemed even the giant was nervous as he cautiously stepped inside of the bare bones living space, Hosah feeling the skin he stood so close to radiate a familiar heat as the palms bigger than his entire body clammed up.

Despite having one of those little cubbies for mail down in the lobby, Hosah's old apartment also had a little mail slot in the aged door. When he peered down, it was clear someone was trying to contact him, with the entrance mat being completely covered with cards and letters.

"What are all of those?" The shifter asked, grabbing onto the cinnamon hair for support as he got his footing between the shirt collar and the shoulder of the giant on which he stood on.

Teddy scooped up about a third of the mail in both of his hands, placing it all down onto the coffee table before muttering, "Seems like they've all been hand delivered."

This theory was proven as the nervous hand turned them all to face upward, with nothing being written on the envelopes besides Hosah's full legal name, no address, no return address.

"Teddy, go get the gun." The shifter's voice shook as he spoke, afraid the person who'd been stalking him could be hiding in any of the dark corners of his abandoned apartment.

Teddy listened immediately, making a rush over to where he recalled being told the weapon was kept. The absolute silence of the complex was the most terrifying part of the experience. Usually, there was always some kind of noise, whether that be his right side neighbour's baby crying deep into the night, or his left side neighbour's insane bass boosted coughing, there was never a moments peace in the building. But now was different. If it had been this way last month, Hosah would've thought, 'Finally, some quiet around here', but now he longed for the noise he'd learnt to tune out over the years.

Upon entering the bedroom, the giant rifled through the cluttered storage closet, following Hosah's directions to the safe with undoubtable accuracy. The closet was the one space throughout the entire apartment that had more than two items of furniture to fill it, being almost impossible to navigate with just how compact and filled the space was. Teddy moved whatever he could, making a mess of the bedroom the closet resided in all the while, only to see, under all of the long finished canvases and empty paint containers, somebody had gotten to it before them.

The little black metallic box had been opened and looted, the password being the anniversary of his uncles death, a fact Hosah didn't really go around sharing with just about anyone who'd listen.

".. Where the fuck is it?" The shifter knew exactly where it'd be, in the possession of a highly dangerous individual, but his fear overran his ability to think logically.

The fact of the matter was, the gun didn't even really matter all that much. Even people with diagnosed schizophrenia on their records could go and purchase one if they so desired. The most terrifying part of it all was the mass amounts of letters.

It had barely been three weeks since the first parcel delivery, and in that time, at least a hundred hand written cards had been mailed to his address, all probably detailing incredibly private parts of his life with precision, an undeniable accuracy that truly terrified the shifter.

Hosah could just hope his past wasn't something the stalker was open to using as leverage against him, although at this point, nothing was off limits when it came to his perpetual psychological torment.

The lack of noise didn't just keep to the other residents of the building, as Teddy hadn't made a peep either. If even he was scared, the shifter was fucked completely. In silence, the giant moved back into the main living area, headed straight to the kitchen presumably for a glass of water to cool down from the stress of the situation.

Whilst the giant was preoccupied at the sink, Hosah took it upon himself to scan the tiled roomed the pair had rushed into, his eyes landing straight on the counter top opposite them.

I guess that answered the question of the missing gun.

#g/t #giant tiny #g/t ocs #gianttiny #sfw g/t #giant/tiny #oc hosah #oc teddy #Puparia_tag #Ough Love ❤️ but Oughhhh communication 😒😒 and Oughhh being a stalking victim 😒😒😒#g/t author #g/t writing

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biasbuck · 6 months ago

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BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays

Happy Finale Friday everyone! Back again with another round of the fic I've been reading this week. You can find previous rec lists here.

A reminder I'm putting my fingers in my ears and ignoring discourse here for all buddie/bucktommy/buddietommy configurations, though these last two weeks I've been pretty down bad in my messy and hurting Eddie Diaz feels and it's manifested in the form of pining fics.

I'm always on the lookout for more henren fic to read, so please send recs my way!

31 May 2024

7x10 coda by @ghosthunterbuck was the Eddie pov fic that was exactly what I needed to read after the finale. Obviously spoilery for the episode so I'm not going to go too into detail here as to the what, but for the why - I think it perfectly captures Eddie's head space going forward, his emotional journey, canon compliant relationships, and the family dynamics at play. The last line got me good.

i love you like a dog with a bird at your door (and sequel) by @shitouttabuck (and this gorgeous fanart by @midbam too) absolutely stole my heart. A slowburn buddie fic, set post-season six. In which Buck reflects on his childhood in how he demonstrates and feels love with dogged devotion, and his love for the Diaz family. Through the ups and downs of life together at work and at home, and with some A+ 'moving in to take care of each other' vibes. I just loved getting swept away in the sweetness of this fic, it really warmed my heart. PLUS just...incredible deft, light handed and excellent use of metaphor that encapsulates Buck so so well.

love on the brain by @lizzybizzyzzz yes yessssss sexy henren fic!!! In which Karen oh so casually asks if Hen's going to pose for the firefighter calendar, Hen bluescreens for a bit, but then ropes in Athena to help out with a surprise. Set pre-6x06 (and the follow up delves into it and takes an angstier turn), this was just delightfully fun and I loved Hen stepping a little out of her comfort zone to show off for her wife. Those poses *fans self* where do I get me a Hen calendar?

meditating on your lips by @coldbam look I can't possibly summarise this one better than the actual summary. Buck comes out, and Eddie has some interesting dreams:

“I take it the date went well then? Cleared some things up for you.”

“You can say that again, Hen. Not only am I now a proud bisexual man, it turns out I’m excellent at sucking dick!”

Eddie chokes on his coffee.

No notes. (And then I proceeded to read all of coldbam's backlist and had a DELIGHTFUL TIME. Gardening fic! Phone sex! Athena/Eddie friendship. Pining!!!!! What fun!)

I'll Scrawl it on Every Wall I See by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels is from a few years back and was my favouritist of tropes, Buddie secretly writing to each other anonymous penpals, simultaneously falling in love, but all threaded through on the concept that they never clicked as work besties as they did in the show. I loved the balance of canon and reinterpreting the series through this lens. Deeply sweet and romantic and fun, and also heartwrenching.

drive you into a corner (and kiss you without a sound) by @hauntsorchards in which Eddie joins the 118 and can't seem to stop kissing Buck when he does something heroic, delightful or goofy. But it doesn't mean anything, right? In which the entire firehouse deserves a raise for putting up with them.

looking for an ocean breeze/so i can fill my mind with ease by newtkelly was the bucktommy fic ALL over my dash earlier this week and for good reason. Look I love a pun based fic prompt, and “Can I top you off?” was the perfect wedding scene one. It captured Tommy's sardonic humour so well, as well as exploring some of Buck's potential hang ups. And also now we know what we know...works very well on a kink exploration level. A sexy and fun 7x06 coda.

be you in time (it's easy) by @mycenaae my favourite fic exploring Tommy's reaction to seeing Captain Gerrard on the guestlist as a post 7x09 coda. Excellent bucktommy dynamics, as well as my very favourite thing...the Tommy and Hen and Chim groupchat. Please let this become a thing show, because it's perfect.

don't just stand there by @smallandalmosthonest AND FINALLY my favourite buddietommy WIP posted it's final chapter this week. Here's my summary from before: In which Eddie interruptus and Buck is maybe kinda sorta okay with that actually. A+ accidental exhibitionism kink discovery, with fantastic dialogue characterisation and just really really fun established bucktommy and buddie dynamics all wrapped into one. The final chapter is chefs kiss on flipping the narrative perspective and tying everything (and everyone) together!

Happy hiatus - treat each other kindly, and bang it out in fic form if you have to! If you need me I'll be over here revelling in Eddie going through it fic (oh Eddie indeed.)

#biasbuck recs #911 ficrec #911 fic

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ranchthoughts · 1 year ago

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an impassioned defense of the Bad Buddy episode 5 rooftop kiss

aka, last minute propaganda for the @bl-bracket best kiss competition.

Firstly, a literature review:

@kenmakaashi writes about the imbalance we usually see in long-term pining stories that is not present in this kiss (and how that relates to Bad Buddy’s overarching dismantling of imbalances).

@lurkingshan writes about episode 5 of Bad Buddy as a whole, as Pat realizes and re-contextualizes his relationship with Pran, and how the kiss catalyzes the rest of the series.

@miscellar and @aikinn write about the emotions Pat and Pran bring into the kiss, and how important the stubbornness of both characters is to their journey.

@telomeke-bbs breaks down the moment between the two kisses here, writing about how this represents Pran’s head vs. heart, and how he cedes to his wants, if only for a moment.

@neuroticbookworm writes about how the kiss perfectly encapsulates the emotions and experiences of Pat and Pran, and its greater resonance to Asian and queer Asian communities.

And now to add my two-cents worth:

There are a lot of dichotomies, opposites, tensions in Bad Buddy, and this episode rooftop kiss perfectly encapsulates all of them, while looking forward to the eventual resolution of these tensions through the rest of the show.

Firstly, the opposing trajectories of Pran and Pat's journeys to (queer) self-realization: Pran, who knows he is gay and has known about his feelings for Pat since at least high school; and Pat, who is just realizing he is queer and that he is into Pran and has been for some time.

The first few episodes of Bad Buddy show us more of Pran's story: we learn about his crush on Pat, we see how Pat’s casual compliments and downright flirtatious behaviour affected him, we watch him silently cry after Pat says he has a crush on Ink and then outlines all the reasons someone (Pran) should like him. Pran has been keeping his love for Pat, like a lot of his emotions, repressed and hidden for a long time now (see these posts by @lurkingshan (here) and @telomeke-bbs (here and here) for more on Pran's personality and emotional guarded-ness).

Episode 5 switches it up: now we get a closer look at Pat. As @lurkingshan wrote, episode 5 is about Pat realizing things – that Ink doesn’t like him; that, going by Pa’s Patented Four Ways to Tell if Someone Likes You, he probably likes Pran; that he is indeed jealous of Wai which confirms he likes Pran as not-a-friend. (see @grapejuicegay’s amazing post for why it took Pat so long to work out how he was feeling here).

In episode 5, we watch their two arcs collide: Pran continues to repress and not act on his feelings, while getting increasingly frustrated at the liberties Pat seems to take with them (Pran performing the song they wrote together in high school, and Pat being mad about that); while Pat has speed-run his realizations and is now full to bursting. In all the ways Pran is quiet and hidden, Pat is open and loud. Once Pat realizes he is in love with Pran, he can barely hide it. He comes close to spilling it in the scene where Pat fights with Pran and Wai outside the dorm (amazing meta on that scene by @shortpplfedup and @functionalasfuck here and here), and he lets it free up on the rooftop at the end of the episode, outlining their past history and what Pran means to him and confessing he doesn't want to be friends. Pran says "You have got to stop doing this to me" (Pat makes it so hard to stop loving him, to keep those feelings repressed and hidden), and Pat finishes his queer realization arc by kissing the boy he loves. Even the way the first kiss happens emulates their respective arcs and personalities: they get close to one another, in each other's space but not making a move, and then Pat is the first to break the tension and go in for the kiss. The hidden and the open collide.

We see this conflict, this tension between hidden and open, play out again in episode 8, when Pat keeps posting things on Instagram and toeing the line of secrecy and him and Pran fight about it, or in episode 9 where Pran indulges Pat and stages the public confession and claiming on the stairs (meta about that scene by @kenmakaashi here). These moments also exemplify the care and understanding Pat and Pran have for one another: Pat is willing to hide things and pretend to break up with Pran (firstly to get Wai to talk to him again and then at the end of episode 11 so they can hide from their families) to make Pran happier and more comfortable, and Pran is willing to be more open (allow Pat to post on Instagram, stage the claiming scene on the stairs, etc.) to make Pat happier and more comfortable - it's all about compromise, the middle ground. In the end, also Bad Buddy ends up somewhere in the middle between open and hidden: Pat and Pran are open about their feelings for each other and are happily in love, but they remain hidden from their family and friends, unable to be fully open.

Secondly, this kiss exemplifies the genre tensions inherent in Bad Buddy, between BL romcom and romantic tragedy. Over the course of the series, we the audience are not sure which genre, and specifically which genre-typical ending, Bad Buddy will follow. See my posts (here and here) and @chickenstrangers (here) on genre and tragedies and Bad Buddy.

Pat, over the course of episode 5, has realized he is in a romantic story. His interactions with Pran slide into context: those were tropes of the kind we see in romantic series (looming over someone, forced proximity, etc.). @chickenstrangers talked about this here: to Pat, this kiss is the classic confession kiss in a romcom or BL. After that type of kiss, the characters get together, the series will soon end happily (or there may be some episode 11 shenanigans before they ultimately reach a happy ending). Pat keeps the kiss meaningful and emotion-filled but short and sweet; to him, this will be the first kiss of many.

But to Pran, this is a different genre of story. Pran has known he is in a romantic narrative from the beginning (he’s had a crush on Pat since high school, if not before), but he doesn’t think this is a romcom. Pran looks at their family situation and recognizes another type of story: star-crossed lovers tragedies like Romeo & Juliet and Kwan & Riam. Pran says it himself, every time they are together, bad things happen (like Pran getting transferred). To Pran, this rooftop kiss is their last kiss, could only ever be their last kiss. Because of that, he can’t help but to lean into it, go in for a second kiss, to make it count. In this edit by @movementsofmylife they liken it to pre-nostalgia (“knowing you’re going to miss a moment once it’s gone and it makes you sad and desperate to hold onto or recreate it even when you’re still in that moment”). Pran thinks this is the closest he will ever get to having Pat and being happy because to him, the tragic ending to their story is inevitable.

In this kiss, the two genres Bad Buddy flirts with (BL and romantic tragedies – which will it emulate in the end?) come to a head. And it seems by the end of this rooftop scene that "romantic tragedy" might be the winning genre of the series: Pran walks away in tears, leaving Pat behind. For a moment, Pat was so caught up in the euphoria of being able to confess to Pran and having Pran reciprocate back that he forgot they live in a world with their parents, but Pran's tears, his leaving, and his avoidance of Pat through the next episode bring the barriers to their relationship back into focus. But there’s hope in this kiss too: Pran reciprocated. He’s spent half a lifetime repressing his feelings for Pat, he’s so good at denying his feelings… but we’ve seen how Pat is starting to wear on him. Despite it all, Pran can’t fall out of love with Pat, and despite it all, he can’t resist going in for another, deeper kiss. He might be able to walk away at the end of it, but we've seen the effect Pat has on him. Pat’s unrelenting good nature, the way he helps Pran at every turn (even when they are supposed to be enemies), and his sheer stubbornness and determination have gotten to Pran, and might give them a different ending after all.

In the end, Bad Buddy does end up somewhere between a BL romantic comedy and a tragedy: Pat and Pran are still together, but are trapped in a glass closet, still hiding from their family and most of their friends. It’s not a purely happy ending, it’s not a solely tragic ending, it’s somewhere in between, somewhere more realistic (there are a lot of queer people living in similar glass closets). Just like the rooftop kiss(es), Bad Buddy has something sweet, something hopeful, something joyful, meeting some melancholic, something fearful, and something hidden.

Finally, in the rooftop kiss scene Pat wears a shirt that says Baseball Mom, which is objectively hilarious but also deeply meaningful, and if that isn't the Bad Buddy Brand™ I don't know what is. See metas on Pat's Baseball Mom shirt by myself (here), and on Pat's shirts as a whole by @chickenstrangers (here), @thegayneurodivergentagenda (here), @respectthepetty (here), and @dribs-and-drabbles (here and here).

Bad Buddy is a funny show, but it doesn't hesitate to explore deeply emotional parts of the human (and especially queer) condition: intergenerational trauma (meta by @waitmyturtles), glass closets and homophobia (through a tale of feuding families), and more.

The episode 5 rooftop kiss scene brings together all the threads of Bad Buddy: the central characters, their personalities, and their history together; the external forces that threaten their love (their families' feud, their faculties' feud); the show's intertextual references to other narratives and genres (Romeo & Juliet/Kwan & Riam, BL, etc.); among others. I've focused here specifically on three opposing tensions in Bad Buddy (hidden vs open, romcom vs tragedy, and humour vs. emotional/allegorical meaning), and how this kiss scene shows them all as the opposing forces they are while hinting towards their future resolution, which is neither one nor the other but rather somewhere in the middle.

And really, Bad Buddy overall is a show that refuses to do one or the other (the way it both subverts BL tropes and is a BL, or its handling of seme vs. uke, come to mind), instead finding a more realistic middle ground where real nuance and meaning lie.

vote for Bad Buddy in the Best Kiss poll!

#bb #bb meta #ranch thoughts #bad buddy #bad buddy meta #bl bracket

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txtaetertots · 1 year ago

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HOPELESSLY DEVOTED 06: auditions

[ synopsis ] you’re trying to get into your dream school. beomgyu’s just trying to pass a class. the only way to ensure you both get what you want is to work together. very closely.

[ note ] send an ask to be added to the new taglist!

taglist will be up with tomorrow's updates!!

The line was ridiculously long for auditions. YN isn't normally nervous, but this time it's different. There's a lot on the line. If she doesn't get a decent role it could affect the outcome of her second review. She needs to 'wow!' the NYU Tisch admissions board with a main role she can truly shine in. She needs to be Sandy.

She runs through her lines in her head, making sure she doesn't miss a beat. Her competition is stiff. Everyone wants to be Sandy. But, no one is as big of a threat as Ahn Soojung, the theater department's Queen Bee. Soojung has been known for her cutthroat determination and competitive nature. She's always butting heads with YN, who was the only member of the theater department at her level.

"Kim Minji."

Eunchae appeared from the stage entrance. She's not much of an actress, but she loves being involved behind the scenes. Mr. Kim put her in charge of facilitating the auditions, a big responsibility for a sophomore. She looks down at her clipboard of names, crossing out names of the people she calls forward to conduct their audition. While waiting for Kim Minji to walk up, she looks around for her dear friend. She spots YN leaning against the wall and sends her two thumbs up for encouragement. YN smiles. Nothing relieves her nerves quite as well as support from her friends.

As Eunchae disappears behind the curtains with Minji, Soojung appears after them, having just completed her audition. Her head was held high, chin pointing out with pride. She walked with poise and unfaltering conviction in her abilities. No one can ever recall a moment in which Ahn Soojung was anything but elegant and confident. She walks by YN, exchanging a smirk as if it were her way of intimidating YN. She had snubbed three main roles from YN this year alone, and she was sure she was about to snatch another.

"Good luck, YN," Soojung sings, the clicking of her heels against the marbled floors taunting YN as Soojung walks away.

Don't let her get in your head.

YN shook her head, trying to rid herself of Soojung's intimidation tactics. She wasn't to get to her this time. This time is too important to let anyone interfere, especially Ahn Soojung.

"YLN YN."

Eunchae's sweet excited voice chimed her out of her thoughts. It was time. YN took a deep breath, straightening her posture, before walking up to the stage. Eunchae whispered quick words of encouragement before dashing off to the side to observe.

YN looked out to the judges table where there sat Mr. Kim Seokjin and Mr. Park Jimin, the choir director. They always worked on musical productions together with Mr. Park helping lead the vocal rehearsals. They smiled upon seeing YN take her place on the stage floor marker.

"What part will you be auditioning for, YN?" Mr. Kim asked, getting her audition sheet ready to take notes.

YN gulped, the nerves starting to return.

"I will be auditioning for the role of Sandy."

"Very well," Mr. Kim nodded, turning to a scene in the script for YN to recite.

He named the scene and line from where she would start. YN nodded, immediately familiar with the scene. She recites Sandy's lines perfectly, bouncing off Mr. Kim's reading for Danny. Her expressions and tones were charming and sweet, encapsulating Sandy's character beautifully. Her smile was radiant, shining even under the dim stage lights. YN was born to be on stage.

"As always," Mr. Kim smiles. "A dynamite performance, YN."

"And what will you be singing for us today?" Mr. Park asked, resting his chin on his fist.

The nerves had settled, YN was in her element. She confidently replies, "I will be performing Sandy's Sandra Dee Reprise."

Mr. Park smiled, nodding his head gesturing her to begin. YN took one more deep breath. Eunchae cues to the soundbox crew to begin the appropriate track.

Club members had lined up by the doors, quietly settling in upon hearing YN's name. Along with Soojung, YN was known among members for her extraordinary talents. Her voice was one of the strongest in the department. Any chance to hear her sing, everyone will pause and listen without a second thought. It was a less than two minute set, but YN managed to have everyone mesmerized and swooning.

"Thank you , YN," Mr. Park says. "Beautiful as always."

YN was dismissed and she walked briskly off the stage, trying to hide her wide smile as she made her way back to the hall. She felt good about this audition. Really good. So good, she thinks she's got Ahn Soojung beat.

"How much longer must I wait?" Beomgyu sighs, restless. He's slumping closer to the ground, letting his back slide down the wall without resistance. It's been two hours since auditions began and he still hasn't been called up. His friends stayed back to wait with him after their auditions, wanting to make sure he saw it through.

"You know for being a drama club hater you sure are dramatic," Taehyun scoffed, watching him sprawl across the hallway floor and sulk.

Eunchae walked out, catching their attention.

"Choi Beomgyu." She says, looking around and laying her eyes on the boy exasperated on the ground. She tries to stifle a laugh as she watches Soobin and Yeonjun pluck him off the floor and onto his feet.

Yeonjun pushes him forward. "Be good!"

Beomgyu waves him off, trudging his feet up the stage and to the stage marker as directed by Eunchae. He gives her a friendly smile and nod, thanking her for her guidance. After she disappears to the side stage, he sulks again facing Mr. Kim and Mr. Park.

"Beomgyu?" Mr. Park says, surprised and confused. He looks over to Mr. Kim, who has a goofy grin across his lips. He pauses, realizing this must've been the 'big plan' Mr. Kim told him about earlier that day. "Nevermind."

Mr. Kim closes his script, leaning forward to rest his arms on the table, "I'll let you do whatever you've prepared. I trust it's an appropriate and genuine reflection of your effort."

Beomgyu nodded, clearing his throat and shaking the nerves out of his arms. He didn't have much prepared. He just picked a random scene and a random character to learn the lines of the night before. It wasn't exactly his best effort, but it was an effort nonetheless. The goal was to pass, not excel. His delivery was decent. A bit silly, but still decent enough to pass Mr. Kim's standards.

"Alright," Mr. Kim says, jotting down a few notes on Beomgyu's audition sheet. "What will you be singing for us?"

Beomgyu looked around wide-eyed. He was not aware he had to prepare something to sing. It was a silly slip, considering it was a musical. Singing was obviously going to be involved.

"Just sing anything you're comfortable with," Mr. Park smiles, trying to encourage the lost puppy before them on stage.

Beomgyu nods. He thinks for a moment before taking a deep breath. Time to get it over with. The auditorium was silent. Only the club directors, his friends, and a few crew members who were facilitating the auditions were watching.

"You're the sun to the moon, You're my ocean painted blue,"

Beomgyu's voice echoed. His eyes closed, body swaying to his own rhythm. His audience watched intently, trying not to make a sound. No one has ever heard Beomgyu sing. In fact, they didn't know he could. Mr. Park and Mr. Kim looked at each other. No word was exchanged, but they knew they were thinking the same thing.

As soon as Beomgyu finished singing, a deafening silence filled the auditorium for a brief moment. The crew members shuffled quietly, preparing for the next audition. Soft whispers among them could be heard. About what, who knows. The quiet was overpowered, however, by the loud claps and whoop-ing from Beomgyu's friends. Yeonjun was on his feet leaning over the row in front of them, calling out Beomgyu's name while violently clapping. The others looked between themselves with shock while clapping and cheering.

"Thank you, Beomgyu," Mr. Kim says, impressed. "The cast list will be up Monday morning."

Beomgyu bowed, excusing himself off stage. Part one of his assignment finally over and done with. As soon as he walked out the stage door he was bombarded with his friends jumping on him and yelling.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US YOU COULD SING?" Taehyun exclaimed, teasingly punching Beomgyu on the back.

"Because I don't," Beomgyu said, trying to shake them off him.

"You're so full of it," Soobin scoffed. "You're getting a part."

"Don't even say that," Beomgyu huffed. "I would rather take the L than put myself through a musical."

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cabeswaterdrowned · 4 months ago

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I've never watched pretty little liars but tell me about your favourite pll femslash.

Hi I think I wrote half of a response to this a while ago but it got lost somewhere… starting over so I’m such a multi shipper between the pll women that I think it would be more appropriate to tell you my top 5 rn.

Vandermarin —- (Hanna Marin & Mona Vanderwaal)

I tried to choose pics from the pll wiki gallery for each of these dynamics I thought encapsulated the dynamic and its gayness as well as two random images can. In this case the image on the left is Mona lovingly visiting Hanna in the hospital after Mona herself drove a car over Hanna, because they fought/Mona is jealous that Hanna has affection for people who are not her and also Hanna was too close to uncovering her identity as A the nameless faceless entity that badly wants Hanna to break up with her boyfriend and leave her friends and only hang out with Mona but we’re meant to think Mona is straight…. and the right image is after Hanna has found out Mona’s identity at the evil mastermind to her troubles but she’s still visiting her ex wife in the mental asylum, and lying to her boyfriend about it and the show plays every beat of this like Hanna is cheating on her boyfriend. Insane. They’re the love story of pll because literally if Mona wasn’t obsessively unhealthily in love with Hanna the whole plot of the show would not have happened. An undersung toxic yuri queerbait for the history books I seriously think it’s deeply misogynistic they don’t get their due in this department.

Spemily (Spencer Hastings & Emily Fields).

This is so funny to me because these two images perfectly encapsulate the dynamic. Either they are soo in sync getting coffee for each other and detecting murders together and stabilizing/calming each other, or they are having the Messiest fights and bickering/getting on each others nerves like a married couple going through their third divorce. I joke about them being adansey coded for this reason, also there’s a dynamic of a class difference and Emily/Adam call out Spencer/Gansey for it similarly and Spencer/Gansey being protective towards Emily/Adam in a way the latter doesn’t like or feels infringes on their autonomy. Great stuff, I have a type. And speaking of..

Monison (Mona Vanderwaal & Alison Dilaurentis)

There are other gay pictures of them interacting but I chose the left image as Mona cleaning the dirt off Alison, the girl who bullied her, after pulling her out of a grave (Alison was buried alive this night and it’s a whole thing but not really relevant to this post) and they’re in a motel in the lost woods. There’s another scene from this flashback that’s Mona kissing Alison’s forehead but I can’t find a cap anywhere (I also couldn’t find a cap of her kissing Hanna’s cheek the homophobia). The one on the right is Mona’s shrine to Alison that’s in her evil lair girl literally was so obsessed with and in love with girl who bullied her and wanted to wear her skin and also for her to stop existing and also to be loved by her and then she made the love of her life Hanna into her own personal Alison doll… wild stuff. They’re also a bit adansey coded imo (and Hanna/Alison didn’t make this list but they’re rather Jordanessy coded imo). They’re also really gay for each other on the spin off which is not a good show but did give me crumbs.

Spona (Spencer Hastings & Mona Vanderwaal)

Sometimes / in the past this has been no.3 I’m just in a very Monison mood rn so it’s fourth rn. The left image is of their psychosexually charged debate scene and the right is Mona trying to get Spencer’s attention at a political rally. Will say no enough of their really gay scenes are appropriately represented in that wiki gallery but I did the best with what I had. Overachiever x Overachiever but one is an evil mirror of the other, the actresses have a ridiculous amount of chemistry, there’s a whole arc where Mona wants to corrupt Spencer and is furious when Spencer “turns her down” and seeks to ruin her life so she has no choice to accept her… another toxic yuri of all time. They’re also my two favorite characters on the show individually (although I love all six of the main women) so that gives an extra something special to their scenes for me.

Arison (Aria Montgomery & Alison Dilaurentis)

left image is a flashback to them eating frozen yogurt together while bullying Mona, right is Aria’s hallucination of Alison that she has when her father’s girlfriend who looks a bit like Alison and who Alison wanted Aria to tell her mother about Byron’s affair with poisons her, again sadly there were fewer images in the gallery for them but. This is a really fascinating relationship to me and one I wrote a fic about that Imran quite proud of when I first got into pll a couple years ago. Aria is the only one of Alison’s friends she treats kind of as an equal rather than a subject or a rival, she’s very fascinated by the way Aria lives freely rather than at the whims of other people and Alison develops an alter ego that looks a lot like Aria, Vivia Darkbloom. She also gets into a relationship with an older guy while acting a lot like Aria and then this same guy (who is a predator and groomer but the show never addresses these dynamics as such L) goes after Aria after Alison’s death. Also Alison secretly took pictures of Aria while she was sleeping and hid them places and when they were uncovered her brother makes a comment about how Alison always hid things and it was almost second nature to her don’t remember the exact quote but it reeks of internalized biphobia to me (Alison is canonically a bi character it’s just that the show defines her as only gay for one girl which is Emily and straight for everyone else which is insane but we won’t get into that). Anyway. They’re really underrated and interesting.

some honorable mention ships that I also love a lot: Sparia (Spencer x Aria, if I had done this a few months ago do think they would have a shot at top 5 I really love them), Spanna (Spencer x Hanna), Hannily (Hanna x Emily), Spalison (Spencer x Alison), Monaria (Mona x Aria), Emison (Emily x Alison this one is canon), Emaya (Emily x Maya also canon), Emona (Emily x Mona), Halison (Hanna x Alison), Aria x Jenna, Emily x Jenna, Aria x Alex Drake.

#s speaks #pll #asks #immaterial-pearl #mutuals #vandermarin #spemily #spona #monison #arison #mona vanderwaal #spencer hastings #alison dilaurentis #aria montgomery #emily fields #hanna marin #it’s a bit hard to explain the toxic yuri of pll unless you watch it. but I tried my best!

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willesworld · 1 year ago

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angst! angst! angst! fic recs

Okay, so as I was curating my kinky fic recs, I came across a bunch of angsty fics in my bookmarks. So, of course, I decided to create another rec list just for some of my favorite angsty fics. Enjoy!!

Can We Just Pretend? by Scissorsandstone (E, 9.1k)

Summary: He knows that should he be able to keep functioning once this is done, he needs his head to stop. He needs to be rid of this uncontrollable, traitorous emotion that welled up within him that he knew he shouldn't be allowing himself to feel. He tries, futilely, to push it away, all the while knowing deep down that addiction is a disease and right now, the last thing he's looking for is a cure. He wants to be sick. If this is a sickness he would infect himself over and over just for the feeling of letting his body succumb.

A reimagining of the scene where Simon goes to see Wille in his room in S2Ep5 except Simon is a lot more conflicted in this version and things are much less resolved between the two of them.

R/N: Oh my god this fic is SO angsty. I know this is an angst rec list, but this one is epic. My stomach hurt the entire time I read it. It HURTS.

create a storm and bury it deep by paintersong (M, 9.7k)

Summary: The phantom touches haunt him as he tosses and turns, torn apart by the twin flames of grief and anger. Simon’s fingers curled around his waist, tracing trails of light onto his scalp, trembling from his temple down to his neck. The memories burn at the once-holy places on his skin, dragging matches in the wake of Simon’s touch until it’s red and blistered with the pain of what he’s lost.

Wilhelm knows he needs to change. He just needs to figure out how.

R/N: This is such a brilliant, masterful, and heartbreaking character study of Wilhelm over the winter break. I mean, it is so perfect. It perfectly encapsulates how he changes, his motives, and feelings. It is so tragically sad, but also so incredibly beautiful.

a palm to my mouth, I said it, almost by MyArtificalFlowers (M, 35.5k)

Summary: What if August never told Wilhelm he knew Simon was going to the police? In doing so things changed enough that Simon never ended up pulling Wilhelm aside to tell him he loved him. And Wilhelm never changed the speech.

R/N: When I tell you this is one of my favorite fics, I truly mean that this is one of my FAVORITE fics. I adore it. It is so, so angsty. I mean, so angsty. Please read the tags before diving into this one. But it is absolutely incredible and so worth reading.

The Thing in the Mirror by fandom_commitment_issues @zee-has-commitment-issues (G, 3.4k)

Summary: Wilhelm stares at himself in the mirror on the morning of his twenty-second birthday and fights every thought that comes into his head in a losing war. None of them are particularly helpful. None of them make him feel good. He’s pretty damn sure nothing would. Not at this point. They collect in his head and tighten his throat and make him feel sick. - - - Wilhelm turns twenty-two.

R/N: Gah!! The feelings! The love! The hurt! This fic is a delightful exploration of grief years down the road after Erik's death, and how Wille deals with it with Simon at his side. So beautiful.

losing a friend is the hardest part by pysanky (M, 34.6k)

Summary: “Wilhelm, we’re fighting because you won’t listen to me. Everything still has to be on your terms; you haven’t learned how to compromise. And I can’t, I won’t, keep killing myself trying to do everything the way you think it should be done just to keep us together.”

Wilhelm said nothing, just stared at him with a lost expression as the rims of his eyes began to redden. He sniffed quietly and Simon felt his heart break even more, but he didn’t take back any of what he had said. He wouldn’t allow himself to.

(or: in which Simon suggests that he and Wilhelm “take a break”)

R/N: I would not suggest reading this if you're not ready to bawl your eyes out throughout the entirety of the fic. It is GORGEOUS. It is HEARTBREAKING. Simon and Wilhelm have so much development in this fic, and it is truly hard to read and also truly and devastatingly beautiful.

my twisted knife, my sleepless night by paintersong (M, 11.4k)

Summary: Wilhelm was filled with so many things, fear and helplessness, and something new: electric, twisty and dark like an eel, a slithering, sparking anger burning the lining of his stomach, anger that he had never felt on his own behalf, because how fucking DARE they do this to Simon.

Wilhelm hasn’t spoken to Simon in nine months when Simon shows up outside his window in the middle of the night.

R/N: Um, yes, this is such a gorgeous version of what could have happened after season 1. It's actually so good and realistic. Possibly even more realistic than what happened in canon season 2 bahahah?!?!?! Soooo wonderful and ouchy.

Make Me Feel Something by photographer_of_thoughts (M, 25.7k)

Summary: After losing Erik, Simon and his mother - all in various ways - Wilhelm falls into a deep depression. He goes to school. He performs his Crown Prince duties. He breathes and sleeps. But he’s numb. And the possibility that Simon might be falling in love with someone else makes everything worse.

Or, the boys have to go through a whole lot of hurt and healing before they can find their way back to each other.

R/N: Another one of my ABSOLUTE favorite fics. I reread this constantly. Simon and Wilhelm care so much about each other in this fic that it hurts, but it's not enough to save either one of them. And just, the whole story and the relationship between the two of them hurts so good.

she didn't tell me to stop. by fishscalesky (M, 1.6k)

Summary: “I didn’t mean to,” he said quietly, so quietly, after his mother left. “It was an accident.”

The words weren’t for her.

R/N: Sigh. So ouchy good. Is it terrible that I love reading depressed Wille??

Eh... YES. I love angst. I hope you find something on this list to enjoy!

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eightfifteen · 2 years ago

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what I find interesting about the core 4 is that they're introduced to us through the absence of Will.

We get the first scene where we get a feel for the group dynamic and how they all interact with one another, but from that point on, we're introduced to Mike, Lucas, and Dustin's personalities through how they react to Will going missing.

Dustin

Dustin is the curious, optimistic and smart one - trying to a, pretend it's not happening or not as bad as it seems (getting into semantics about Mirkwood, getting caught up in El being a girl, joking at the funeral) and b, by trying to take control of the situation (always smartmouthing, getting snappy about the compasses etc). This amps up the more shit happens - he gets closer to Steve because they can joke around, he starts getting snappier and more know-it-all-y (as steve and eddie point out), and kind of disappears when shit starts happening again by getting caught up in other things/distracting himself (focusing on Max in s2, getting caught in the russian mystery in s3, etc).

Hell, even his girlfriend is long-distance and not involved in any of it so he can escape Hawkins by talking to her. Also reflected by them singing neverending story in the s3 finale like they aren't battling a huge gore creature. This is why next season is going to be so interesting, because this time, Dustin saw Eddie die. There's no escaping that anymore, the horror caught up with him and it's going to be so interesting to see how he's going to cope with that now.

2. Lucas

Lucas on the other hand, gets frustrated and angry. He just wants things to go back to the way they were so he's really focused on getting Will back and wants to get it over with as quickly as possible - snapping at Dustin when he tries to derail the conversation, getting annoyed at the El drama when they just need to find Will, etc. He matures the quickest through all of this, I feel, which is also why he's the quickest to let go of DnD, tries to find himself through other interests like basketball etc. He can't pretend it isn't happening, but he's trying to right everything as quickly as possible. He actively fights back against it.

Caleb mentioned in the s4 aftershow that Lucas' happy ending is if none of it had ever happened so his happy ending is just finding a place for it and being able to move on - and i think that just perfectly encapsulates Lucas. Like, obviously that would be the best for everyone, but Lucas specifically is already trying to let everything that happened behind him as quickly as possible. He gets a girlfriend and wants to grow up quickly, just like Mike except successfully, and in s4 he tries to reinvent himself in High School, leaving all the trauma behind as much as he can. Which is also probably why he struggles with being there for Max at first, before realizing that he'd rather go through the horrors again than lose Max. Really excited for tired and fed-up Lucas next season.

3. Mike

Just like we get to know Dustin and Lucas through Will's disappearance, because that really is just the center of the show, we learn about Mike.

We immediately see that he's the most quiet and withdrawn one while learning about Will's disappearance, while also being the one to realize he's not at school in the first place. He's really trusting to the point it's naive, but he also gets frustrated easily especially when distraught (as we also see in s2 with Max while he's missing El). He's so stubborn, especially when it comes to his friends. He clearly 'gets into his own head' (Finn's own words) a lot, and especially in these moments of tragedy (like during the police interview, after finding Will's 'body', in the hospital, immediately after El disappeared etc).

As soon as he actually has something to do, like find Will in the woods or use El's powers to save him, that's when he thrives and takes on this leader role. Which is in my opinion, another reason why El and Mike don't really go together, and why Mike will always feel useless or like he's not getting it right - when he's with El, she's the one in control, she's the one fighting, and he just has to stand to the side. He can't break out of his own head.

But when it's Will, even though he can't actually do anything, he can still be there for him and help in meaningful ways just by being there. He knows Will needs him and he knows how to be there for him, and that's when his mind is clearest. Even in s4 we see that - he's blinded when he's with El, can't do it right, doesn't know what's going on, but when it comes to Will, he immediately finds clarity and knows how to talk to him and open up about how Will is feeling but also how he is feeling.

4. Will

Similarly, we learn about Will through his absence. We learn that he's open and genuine, that he's smart and strong and happy. The group is out of balance without him, and we can tell that Will used to be their mediator (confirmed in s2 during the argument about Halloween costumes). He's unafraid to talk about what he likes with the group and to be himself, even if the group doesn't agree (that 'weird song' that he likes, begging to play DnD even though Lucas and Mike clearly don't want to, etc). And we learn that Mike used to have a more caring role towards him, that he was the focus of Mike's need to care and watch over and protect, as this hole gets filled the moment they find El.

4. Season 5 - the return to core 4

I'm really excited to see the core 4 in season 5, because it will be the first season (not counting the battle of starcourt) where they're all working together. the group has always been split, so it's going to be really interesting to see how they all get along together. Especially now they've all changed so much.

#stranger things #st #will byers #mike wheeler #lucas sinclair #dustin henderson #byler #st analysis

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kimium · 3 months ago

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My friend @m34gs asked me in her reply to my ask (this post) about what my Top Five Favourite Link Click moments are. I decided to answer in my own post though I recommend you read my friend's answers too! Just be wary of spoilers for both her answers and mine!

Anyways, here are my Top Five Favourite Moments in Link Click. I'm listing them in order with one being my most favourite moment. I'll also not include the OP or ED in this list. Just know that VORTEX slaps and is one of my favourite OPs of all time.

5. Li Tianchen discovering his neighbour was one of the gossipers regarding his mother and father's marriage

First, the visual set up of the scene is utterly beautiful. The saturated colours in the evening sky, the mostly flat colours on the characters with only dark shadows and white highlights, and the obscuring of the photo. All these elements help build and add to the slow suspense building in the background.

I am also in love with the framing of the reveal. I adore how the audience doesn't see the photo as Li Tianchen looks at it. All we see is his reaction: how mostly silent contemplation morphs into despair, sorrow, anger, frustration, etc. His twisted laughter is utterly heartbreaking and horrific. Allowing the audience wallow in it for just a few moments before showing the photo was a brilliant move on the creative team's part.

Next, we have the music that gradually swells as Li Tianchen's world view is completely shattered with the reveal of the photo. It's a score that perfectly encapsulates the inner turmoil of Li Tianchen as he's pushed to his breaking point and makes the choice that ultimately secures his destiny.

All these elements make for a scene that's so potent and visceral that it permanently lives rent free in my mind.

4. When Li Tianxi and Li Tianchen's running is paralleled at the end of S2

This is another scene that I adore due to the visual elements and symbolism. If there is one element in story telling that I'm weak for it's parallels between characters. In this case, it's the parallels with Li Tianxi and Li Tianchen running away.

My heart utterly aches at how in this scene it's clear they're still the suffering, scared little children we met when Cheng Xiaoshi dove into the photo. All the layers around them break down and we see their core as they run. Li Tianxi runs because she's scared and saddened by her brother's actions in regards to Chen Bin. Li Tianchen runs because his entire world has once again shattered before his eyes. The sister he loved and vowed to his mother he'd protect is dead.

Watching both of them running away crying breaks my heart every time I watch the scene. How I long for both of them to return to their halcyon days where their parents were alive and there was no sorrow in their family.

3. Cheng Xiaoshi's plan to trap Liu Min in the dark room is executed

Time for a bit more of an uplifting scene: Cheng Xiaoshi luring and beating up Liu Min in the darkroom! This scene is so cathartic to watch as the boys finally give Liu Min what he had coming: justice. It's even better when they're using their abilities (time travel) to keep the upper hand while confusing the hell out of Liu Min (and Li Tianchen). It's also a well thought out plan with more than just "use my ability to win". I loved the subtle psychological game played with the photos in the dark room too.

2. Cheng Xiaoshi on the receiving end of his Dumbass Nature

Just like my friend, this scene is in second place. It's too good to not mention! Nothing is funnier than witnessing Cheng Xiaoshi go "Look at me for doing a good job and saving Lu Guang... oh no who is that dumb ass and what is he doing?" only to go a second later "WAIT. That's ME. I'm the dumb ass!!!" Cheng Xiaoshi finally got a taste of what Lu Guang has dealt with for majority of the series and the expression he makes is priceless.

The big reveal at the end of S2

Honourable mentions: Li Tianchen revealing he was impersonating his sister, Cheng Xiaoshi as Doudou uppercuts the woman who kidnapped him, and Xiao Li every time he's exhausted because "I guess time travel exists".

Before this reveal I was already extremely invested in Link Click. I love time travel and watching series explore the concept. What do I love just as much as time travel? Time Loops. I eat that concept up all the time.

So, watching the end scene slowly pan out to Lu Guang's perspective and reveal to the audience that yes, this has a time loop made me want to scream aloud. It's even better because this time loop is a Tragic Doomed Gay People one. When a time loop is all about saving the ones you love, that makes it even better.

However, what truly solidified this scene in my brain were all the little clues leading up to it. First, and most obvious, was the password on Lu Guang's phone that Cheng Xiaoshi put in to unlock it. The reference to the time on Lu Guang's phone before he time travelled to save Cheng Xiaoshi (again??) is amazing.

But, that's not the end of it. Oh no, it's the fact that I read a meta post about how the photo in the hospital was not meant for Cheng Xiaoshi from the start. The breakdown of evidence pointing out that 1) Lu Guang hid the phone in an obscure place, clearly not wanting ANYONE to find it and 2) That he doesn't know Cheng Xiaoshi knows his password really hit me hard. The level of detail and attention put in this series is truly amazing. Realizing the seeds of foreshadowing were present the entire time makes me want to not only rewatch the series but also show it to all my friends.

And there you go! I hope you like my top five favourite scenes in Link Click, friend! Let me know what you think!

#personal #link click #my top five favourite scenes #link click spoilers

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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 1 year ago

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Good Omens 2 Episode 1: what’s in a name

So I have just watched the first episode of season 2 of Good Omens, and I am going to write this post instead of watching the next episode right away for two reasons: one, watching tv for too long gives me a headache, and second, I refuse to let the streaming companies’ obsession with dropping entire seasons at once stop me from enjoying the journey, and enjoying the journey for me means stopping to think and write about things.

So this is my reaction to episode 1 of Good Omens season 2. Spoilers, duh.

The fil rouge that runs through the episode is the theme of names. We have Aziraphale who introduces himself by name in the flashback to Crowley, who does not reciprocate that kind of introduction, which paints a picture of where they stand in relation to each other, i.e. not exactly on the same page.

And then we have Maggie, who makes a gift to Nina based on her name (the Nina Simone record), but Nina cannot play it, which represents how they cannot be on the same page at all due to circumstances.

Of course we have James long for Jim short for Gabriel. And then we have Muriel, who is asked her identity so she has to say her name but also insists she’s nobody. Also, in the first scene with Michael and Uriel, Michael states their names out loud, which emphasizes how their identity is tied to their name, which highlights how Gabriel not remembering his name and then being forbidden from using it is an encapsulation of his struggle with identity. (There’s also the clothes - being naked is as far as you can get from the normal condition of angels with their pristine outfits, but that’s quite an obvious imagery trope.)

So this is an episode that deals with identity and how it relates to interpersonal relationships.

The first scene is absolutely lovely. They are immediately comfortable with each other - Crowley feels free to act nerdy, Aziraphale, despite his fear of saying anything “inappropriate” at all, expresses his concerns regarding Crowley’s attitude. But they’re not quite on the same page, due to their differences in personality. Crowley is nerding out about the nebula and doesn’t quite get that Aziraphale is trying to connect in a different way (exchanging names). So Aziraphale feels that Crowley doesn’t care about him, but then Crowley shields Aziraphale with his wing. Crowley is not the kind of person who likes to use words to express emotional matters, Aziraphale is (thus how he makes Crowley speak his apology out loud, complete with dance). Crowley’s love language is actions, not words, more specifically actions to protect Aziraphale.

An additional difference between them that is highlighted in the scene is how Aziraphale cares primarily about people, while Crowley cares primarily about nature (stars, ducks). Crowley is interested in the universe as a whole, and doesn’t have much affection for people in general. Aziraphale loves people. And that’s why one stayed up and the other went down, of course.

And of course the difference between their priorities is the source of their conflict in this episode, as Aziraphale sees a vulnerable angel (something he can relate to very much) and automatically decides to help him, but Crowley’s priority is Aziraphale’s safety.

Nina and Maggie are wonderful mirrors for our main characters, although way behind on the relationship process than Crowley and Aziraphale are. Nina needs to keep Maggie at a distance, due to her being already involved with another person and thus being unable to let herself connect with Maggie. Nina is perfectly capable of being affable and sweet, as shown with Aziraphale, so her curtness with Maggie can only be explained by the fact that she finds Maggie cute, and that’s why she cannot let herself get close to her, so she does her best to put up a wall between them.

Basically, Nina doesn’t have the player to play the record on - she does not have the circumstances to metaphorically let herself listen to Maggie’s music.

On the other side, Aziraphale has a record player, and has started listening to his beloved music, but Gabriel’s arrival interrupts him, just like Gabriel’s arrival creates a conflict between him and Crowley.

(The records are gay love, yeah.)

Crowley’s anger, though, forces Maggie and Nina to connect a little more - I would say something about anger not being a primary emotion, but stemming from love, but we were all here for Supernatural meta first, so it’s way redundant.

Speaking of Crowley being, um, smoking, let’s change the topic to fire/heat and light.

At the beginning, Crowley is trying to make a nebula happen, but forgets the first step i.e. “let there be light”, and Aziraphale helps him remember to do it.

Then there’s the empty box of match sticks in heaven. Out of place, because there should not be any material object in heaven. I’d say it represents a source of light and heat, but it’s empty, so it is and is not at the same time.

Conversely, Gabriel is naked and cold but then Aziraphale gets him a blanket and hot chocolate and he stops being cold. Not quite fire/light, but still warmth. So, again, heaven is coldness (but not quite in the right conditions to change, thus the match stick box being empty) and earth is warmth. (Hell is coldness too, of course, with its damp, dark spaces and ineffective neon lights.)

Then we have Crowley’s lightning and smoke, which makes the electricity (light) go off in the coffee shop, but then Crowley comes back and fixes it.

(A note: the box with the arrows pointing up - clearly representing “up up” is empty. Boxes are empty, heaven is empty, Gabriel is naked. Something something metaphor.)

Cinematographically speaking, the episode all revolves around sources of light, like the sun (I love what they did with the lighting when Gabriel gets to the bookshop). In case you missed it, in the flashback scene Crowley protects Aziraphale from being hit by the sun, which bounces off Crowley’s wing:

And then, insert something about lamps here that traumatizes Destiel people.

In fact there’s the quote on the match stick box:

[ID: partial screenshot showing the quote “Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out - Job 41:19”.]

I’m sure the exploration of this theme is just the beginning.

I guess these are the things that stood out to me during my watch. I’ll conclude this post with a final consideration: this is it! Now we’re talking - it’s a queer comedy! It sets itself absolutely as a queer comedy. It goes straight to the point. It’s no longer a comedy with a queer overtone. It’s a queer comedy. I love it. I can’t wait to watch the rest. But still one episode at a time.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens meta #good omens 2x01 #my good omens thoughts

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pearlsofthec · 7 months ago

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To be inspired:

April is like a breath of fresh air after months where it seemed like the gloominess of the days was the norm. My energies were high to the ceiling by the start of the month, and starting off something in such a positive state of mind is always a game changer. Arriving back at Milan from Rome on the 31st felt like a step into the first page of my life. As I checked into a hotel for a night as an improvised way of celebrating easter without my family, I felt renewed - in the spirit of the easter-time, I’d reborn in a way. I guess spring does that to all of us, it inspires a joie de vivre that fades without the blooming of flowers and chirping of birds.

The inspiration of the month, overall, is that one scene from the first tinkerbell movie (BEAR WITH ME PLEASE), just in the beggining, where it shows her being born from the seed of a dandelion. Being re born from nature, embracing our own astral glow, and letting ourselves reflect the balance of our everyday lives. Basic clothing that looks elevated just because you’re wearing it, salutes to the sun, flower pressing and stacks of delicate jewelry are all within the spirit of spring. This season is all about capturing the bliss of mundane experiences and allowing it to multiply inside the ecochamber of positivity that is YOU!

Wear butter yellow and baby pink.

My current it girls:

Amanda seyfried

Phoebe Tonkin

Isabel Lucas

Curating your vibe is way more fun in spring, when your outfits don’t have to be overpowered by layers upon layers upon layers of clothing. Many people say that it’s in the colder seasons when they get to express their style the best, hut I’m the complete opposite: i feel the most like myself when I’m feeling light, wearing airy clothing.

Amanda Seyfried and Phoebe Tonkin are the epitomes of what I want my wardrobe to look like. Amanda style is simple but still personal, and to me, personally, she embraces the girl next door energy perfectly, principally in Dear John. The light pink and jeans combo is underrated and capable of making any girl feel like a goddess I believe. Letters to juliet is another movie of hers that encapsulates the ideal spring summer style. Girly but classic, flirty but simple.

Phoebe Tonkin is the same but different. I think of her as the ultimate Realisation par muse, and I feel like it’s because of the effortlessness of her style. She knows the power of the jeans + cute top combo. I love how naturally she wears her outfots, which might seem like a stupid take, but it’s actually just a way to say it’s clear to me how she takes her time when shopping, choosing pieces that truly reflect her personality.

One of my biggest struggles with having a more down to earth style is the fear of looking more like a hobo than a boho princess ahah, and no one walks that thin line better than Phoebe Tonkin, who also adds hints of romantic style in the mix, which i just love. Another master of that art is the one and only Isabel Lucas, who is one of my ultimate style inspirations both for her amazing collection of dresses and the ability to wear them without making it look… forced or cliché. And her graphic shirt collection is just to die for! If you’re like me and like to look like a woodland fairy adapting to modern life both in spring and on the daily basis generally, you should be taking style notes from Isabel. She is an environmentalist and super into holistic living, which, naturally, is a plus.

Movies and media:

Just like heaven

Princess Diaries 2

Confissoes de Adolescente

Brief wondrous life of Oscar Wao

White Oleander

With the lovely weather outside, I sometimes find it difficult to sit down and watch a movie, because everything around tells me to go outside and live life like one instead. When, however, the evening sets and I have no plans to give me an excuse to wear a silk dress and boots around town, I look forward to making my day even longer, but watching movies that feel inherently bright and sunny. Amazing soundtracks, gentle visuals and upbeat stories: you can’t miss it with these romcoms. I don’t know why, but I haven’t been particularly atuned to my cult-ish side recently and haven’t been watching Films, but with me, that desire comes and goes in waves. I have, however, been reading a bit, and a book that I could simply not not recommend are White Oleander and the Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. Both completely different, but mystical in ways that I cannot describe, and you’ll have to read them to find out.

As for music, there’s only one album you need: soleil by francoise hardy

To wear

Outfit combos and general essentials I’m currently obsessed with are:

Slinky tops with relaxed pants, extra points if you manage to get a pastel colored top, (a pale yellow would be a DREAM) with a light wash pair of jeans.

Floral tunic dresses, think loveshackfancy… basic I knooww, but that’s kind of what we’re going for here. Jade Butterfield from the 2014 adaptation of Endless Love should be your muse these days, so embrace it!

Your favorite assouline notebook you carry around. I mean… my favourite assouline notebook I carry around ahahah. Not only are they visually adorable, as they also are the perfect notebooks, having a heavy-ish paperweight and perfectly spaced lines, i know I sound dramatic but I’m extra picky with my notebooks, what can i do.

Statement pants, jeans specifically. I just NEED an embroidered pair of jeans so bad, i feel like they’d be perfect with a basic white tank.

Just wearing tight shirts and tanks in general. The charm of the whole outfit being the lack of a need to wear a jacket!

Colorful Sets, i just love buying sets so much. They are sooo low effort but high reward! And I love the fact that they are the source of limitless combinations. Just LOVE THEM so much.

#blog #monthly guidelines #april #spring

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