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maladaptivedaydreamers · 2 years ago

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Dressed to Perfect (1)

Honk! The horn blared as Y/N stood among several others who were also going through the final test; To recreate your best design in 5 hours. (With a break of 30 minutes after 2 hours and 30 minutes.) The judges will compare the new from the original.

After reviewing her own design for hours and studying her sketch for ages, she was still not content. Her best design was her prom dress, that never ended up being worn. She was also beginning to regret her decision to choose that wreck. Seriously, it was an outdated design and the reasoning behind it is stupid, her original design took a week to complete and the original output had a lot of mistakes and weird stitches. Either way, her stupid design had already started progress with the bodice. It was like she was on auto-pilot, sewing this, pinning this, finding the right thread to match the fabric, measuring, she was on game mode. She fit the bodice onto the mannequin and sighed, it looked…what the fuck? This isn’t looking how it used to look, where was the excitement? Where was the contentment? Did she forget to do something? A seam she forgot to sew? Beads? Buttons? Padding? What is wrong with her-

“You’ve been staring at your design for a very long time, you don’t wanna waste time now. It’s very precious.” Masaru stared at the bodice, “Hmm, what seems to be the issue? Not going as you pleased?” He touched the fabric, inspecting it. “Ah, good choice. You seams are good, your stitching is even, your-”

“It’s just not…right. When I first made my design, though it looks like shi- not good, I still felt a zing when I completed even just the pattern, but now, it’s just…nothing. Which is a stupid feeling, I know-”

Masaru spun the mannequin around, “Haha! You’re not wrong, when you redo a design that meant a lot to you, of course it might feel good if you’re doing it because you’re getting recognition, but you’re in an exam, you’ll feel stressed out. I don’t blame you.” He told her, giving her a pat. “You lost 10 minutes, hope those 10 minutes were worth it. Figure it out, you’ll be alright.”

She twisted her head, hearing a few cricks and cracks, her knuckles soon follow. She soon continues, her sweat evaporating and her hands going into auto-pilot once again. Voila, here was her quirk, Focus. When her mind sets into a goal, her body just does it, the only way for the track to end is for her to get distracted. And the bodice did just that. But for now, it was smooth sailing.

Another blare from the horn blasts, it signals them to stop. They stop everything and end the first half of the session, Y/N stretches and yawns. She goes on with the rest, she sits down on a couch as drinks were being served. Just then, she feels a jump as the side of her couch fills with air, she turns to the side and sees a pink-haired girl and pink skin. “Hey, the names Mina! And I’m you opponent.” she cheekily smiles.

“Well, of course we are, we’re fighting for the same position after all.” Y/N rolls her eyes sarcastically.

Mina dramatically acts offended, “Gasp! Your sassiness is killing me, I like it.” She winks, giving her a smile. “But I’m actually here as a person, not an opponent. You see that girl over there? She’s the one beside you.” she whispers as her finger directs Y/N’s attention to a blue haired girl with pigtails, who was talking to another girl.

“What about her?” She shrugs, not knowing what she meant.

“I’m sitting a few stalls away from you, but I still saw what she did. She’s beeen looking at your design for ages!” Mina whisper-yelled at her.

“Well, maybe she likes it.”

Mina gives a look of a detective in a crime scene, as if her vision went back to black and white and she’s holding a pipe in her mouth. “Or what if…she’s planning to steal it.”

Y/N gave her a look. “Oh come on, as if. And even if she did, what good would that do? She already started and if she redoes the whole project that I already started, then she would be framed as a thief. It would be stupid for her to do that, right?” she shook her head.

“I’m not sure either, but I just thought I’d let you know. And if I’m right, I’ll kick her-”

“Aren’t you Pinky? You know you’re not supposed to beat up civilians for simple crimes such as plagiarism. You’re a pro.” Y/N tsks. Mina laughs and nudges her.

The horn shouts once again and they begin to continue. So far, she just had to continue what she was doing earlier, which was sewing the skirt base and tulle together. Once the two parts were together, she tested it out on the mannequin with the bodice. She turned to her design to make sure she was on track but was quickly distracted with the fact her sketch was gone. The plastic that covered it was ripped open and the paper was gone. The unveiling of their original designs weren’t until later and now she has nothing to base it on. Sure it was a memorable piece but it doesn’t mean she remembers everything about it. Her eyes shot up to the girl, who felt her gaze and stared back. She spat at her with a “Can I help you?” and an eyeroll. There was no time to argue with her, she just stared at her unfinished dress to maybe remember what she needed to add next. It took her a few minutes to continue sewing but no longer under auto-pilot, but under a fast-beating heart, a clouded mind and tear-clogged eyes.

Mitsuki looked over at Y/N as she continued staring at her piece, turning it nervously and looking at it up and down. Removing stitches and adding some, and removing stitches and adding more. It was repetitive and concerning, but she was just about to go over when her son approached, he stared at her, looking very annoyed.

Y/N jumped at the sudden voice beside her, “Are you done?” he asked.

“No, I’m not.” She replied, her voice hitching and nervous.

Bakugo felt the fabric in between his fingers, rubbing it with intense thought. “Are you going to keep it like this? You know you have an hour left, right?” he tells her.

Y/N shakes her head, pressing her hand to her forehead. “I know, it’s just that I don’t know where my sketch is.” she confesses her loss and frustration, she sits down at her chair and resumes sewing.

“You do know it was optional to have that thing? Did you even read the email? Right now, you just need to focus. If you really love this…thing or something, just let your hand do the work.” he comments as he lets go of her dress.

“Yeah, but I made this 6 years ago.”

He rolls his eyes, “Fine. If you can’t do it, just walk out. No one will miss you, you’re just an applicant among hundreds others. Just because you made it to the finals doesn’t mean you mean anything to us. My parents are just shit nice to everyone. Pack your stuff and go.” He interlocks his arms together and stares at her in the eye. His look felt condescending but if there’s something Y/N doesn’t like is being looked down on, so she took this as a challenge. She turned around and let her hands do the work, putting her mind into the same girl who was excited to go to prom and wanted to impress. Her hands grabbed her dress and let it go through the sewing machine and under a magnifying glass for beading and gluing. And finally, one last round of intense staring and inspecting.

Her focus faltered when a small group of snickers was heard, she looked over at them, who had just finished their own beautiful pieces. They were looking over at Mina’s dress, who looked…great. The thread was sticking out and the seams were nonexistent but the design was impeccable, seems Mina had to plan on fixing the raw edges and loose threads because she was just sitting down on her phone. So Y/N took a piece of paper and tucked it in a tube of thread, and rolled it over to the pro. Mina raised a brow but Y/N pointed to the center and Mina unwrapped the paper and smiled at the message.

“Don’t forget your seams and touchups! The design is wicked cool!” the note read. Mina got straight to work and finished in no time.

Once Y/N let go of any doubts on her dress and put it on the mannequin again, she felt wrong. Well, she tried her best, it might not be perfect, but if she went back in time and saw this dress for prom, she would freak out. And in any second now the horn should signal the competition to a close. In 3…2…1-

“Time’s Up! Please put down your materials and put your pieces onto the mannequin, bring them beside you to show everyone.” Mitsuki announced, they did as they were told and was presented in front of a curtained room. The curtains lift up to reveal their orginal pieces. Her heart dropped to see it looked perfect expect for the beading. The colors were different, the original silver beading was not present for her new design, instead a shiny gold beading was there in its place. And beading was present everywhere. It was a clear difference. “Now, you are seeing your original designs. Tomorrow, we will announce the winner among all of you. Congratulations anyway, you may now leave.”

Y/N sighed, tears coming back but no longer from fear, but from embarrassment and frustration. Mina was about to come to her when she heard her name being called.

“Y/N. Rena. Come stay behind.” Mitsuki called out for them, they stood beside their design. “Katsuki, if you please.” she led her son to her side.

Bakugo stared at their souls one by one, to Y/N then to Rena, then from Rena to Y/N. “Have you no shame? Are you that insecure to steal your opponent’s design because she’s a threat? You weren’t sneaky, we have eyes in this place, if you think you would’ve gotten away with it, you’re stupid. You didn’t even notice it’s no longer in your desk.” He blurted, spitting insults left to right. Rena’s eyes widened, she tried to stammer a few words but it went nowhere. Bakugo pulled out the paper from his pocket and handed it back to Y/N. “You should’ve made sure it was safe.” Bakugo now scolded Y/N. “You know you’re disqualified now, you aren’t to step foot in any company ever. You’re blacklisted. Good luck now.” He returned the insults to Rena, whose head was bowed to the floor lower then ever.

“Enough, Katsuki. Rena, before you go, apologize to Y/N for what you’ve done.” Masaru’s voice boomed through the stadium, who would’ve thought? Rena turned to the flustered Y/N and stammered a teary apology, followed by her bursting out of there and them losing sight of her. “We apologize as well for the inconvenience, but as the rules did say the sketch was optional, we won’t be making an exception for you.” Y/N told them it was alright and proceeded through the door in acceptance. Great, just great. Now, what? Well, she did apply for other companies and at least she didn’t blacklisted, actually she got the job right away, they’re just waiting for her confirmation. As she sighed, her neck got grabbed by a shoulder and put into an unintentional chokehold. She coughs and looks up to see Mina, smiling down at her.

“You got me worried! Heard it all through the door, even saw the girl burst out with tears! To be honest, I think you’re gonna get it! I saw your design and all, and it’s really nice.” Mina spoke as she sucked an ice-cream pop. “And you’re the only one I’m telling cause I’ve got a good feeling about you but I’m not really a contestant.” she gleefully smiled even as Y/N stared back with shock and confusion.

“Makes sense, I get it but…why?!” Y/N semi-shouted, earning a sorry smile from the hero.

But her sorry smile turned to a cheeky one, saying “Didn’t you listen? Kacchan said that there are eyes and ears around the place.” Mina gave her a look, and when see noticed the confusion in her face, she realized what she said. “Kacchan is a tease name for Bakugo…oh wait, Mr. Bakugo to you.”

“Mina.” They both froze, a squeaking noise coming from their shoes as they turned around. Mina chuckled nervously as Bakugo came out of the room, no longer in a dress shirt and trousers, but in his hero costume. “Come on, we’re gonna be late for patrol. You’ve done your job.” his low voice instructed her.

“Step back a little, babe.” Mina winked at her and Y/N did as she was told. She watched as Mina clicked a button on her wrist, which looked like a watch, and a suit flipped onto her, revealing her hero costume. “Pretty cool, huh? Can I get your number so I can, you know, hang out, cause I have a good good feeling about you.” Bakugo rolled his eyes as Mina took her sweet time in getting her number, making flirty comments on the way. He had to drag her away for patrol as Y/N stared in disbelief before heading home.

Unknown: Heyyyy

Y/N: Who’s this?

Unknown: Mina ;)

Y/N: Oh heyyy

Mina: So we were talking about you, me and Dynamight

Y/N: Mhmm?

Mina: He said…

Y/N: ???

Mina: He said…

Y/N: Listen, you’re a hero I know, but I can sucker punch you from all this tension

Mina: He said nothing, just that you should’ve trusted me.

Y/N: I have a feeling he never said that

Mina: Yeah, but you were curious, you one of his fangirls or smtg? I can get you his number

Y/N: He’ll be my boss if ever

Mina: Won’t that be such a cute story?!?!

Y/N: I thought he has an awful personality?

Mina: You into it?

Y/N: No

Mina: Aw, you’re into gentlemen?

Y/N: Duh

Mina: I have a few friends, such as Red Riot and Deku and Tape Hero. They’re good people, and you’re hot so

Y/N: We just met and you’re calling me hot?

Mina: As a hero, it is my duty to tell the truth

Y/N: -__-

Mina: Seriously you don’t like my friends, they could be into you though

Y/N: Maybe

Mina: SO CAN I SHOW THEM YOUR PIC? CAUSE YOU’RE TOTS DEKU’S TYPE

Y/N: Fine

Mina: HELL TO THE YEAH, SEE YOU BABE CATCH YOU LATER

Y/N: Later babe ;pp

#bakugo x y/n #bakugo x female reader #reader x bakugo #bakugou imagine #bakugo katuski #maladaptivedaydreamerspost #mha fanfiction #mha bakugou

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sakis-sweets · 2 years ago

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Uh idk if you still do headcanons n stuff but can you make some for the shopkeepers of 1980s Mode? I really love them to death! It's alright if you can't

did i ever do headcanons for characters alone? i know there was a time when people asked my opinion on different pairings but idk about headcanons for characters all by themselves, but i can try! (they kinda talk a lot about familial/platonic/romantic relationships but i tried to keep it central to the character)

Hardware Store clerk: definitely a butch lesbian. her dad has a car shop and she probably got her scar in an accident while she was helping him out, and now he won't let her near a car out of guilt so she works at the hardware shop instead. she doesn't own that shop but she's on track to buy it from the owner when they retire, and then she'll give her dad a discount if he's still working. her mom is still in the picture she's just a daddy's girl. no siblings probably. she doesn't like cars that make a lot of noise, thinks it devalues the car.

Manga Store clerk: maybe bi with a preference for men? her family is probably embarrassed by her so she doesn't talk to them much. she's just happy doing her thing even if people look down on her. she finds friends in her comics so who needs the real world? of course her tune would change quickly if she found friends that would accept her but that is unlikely. her favorite genre is heart-wrenching slice of life stories like clannad, but she'd probably like angel beats too despite the supernatural elements. she doesn't judge other people because she doesn't like being judged, but she doesn't hold it against others for judging her either, because that's what's considered normal. she's just in her own little world not giving a fuck haha

Hair Salon clerk: no label bc she doesn't even think about things like that. she's probably a sociopath; pure logic, no empathy. she has some shallow friendships to keep up appearances and is in contact with her family. hair cutting is the easiest way for her to be in close contact with sharps without setting off alarm bells. murderous chefs are a common trope, but murderous hairstylists? definitely not. her parents want her to get married and she's considered it just for the sake of seeming normal but decided it would be too inconvenient and risky. i wanna say she lives vicariously through ryoba but didn't yandev say they fell out of touch after ryoba kidnapped jokichi? i don't strictly remember

Lingerie Store clerk: 100% straight but can never get a good guy. permanent rose-tinted glasses. good guys run because of her job (1980's Japan can't be all that sex-positive) but bad guys know she's easily exploited. her friends hear about her guy problems all the time but they don't give her advice (she ignores it) and are just there for her. she's the sweetest and nicest person in their group (but not the designated mom friend) so they're content to deal with her frequent breakups. her sense of style is impeccable and she likes to help her friends with buying clothes a lot. will she ever find true love???

Electronic Store clerk: married girlboss, childless bc she wants to focus on her career. she's very calm and makes people feel relaxed, i.e. more vulnerable to large electronic purchases. her husband is very proud of her but he does make more from his boring desk job so his ego is safe. she's the mom friend in the lingerie store clerk's group (another reason she says for not having kids: "i already have to raise my friend, we can have a baby once she marries a nice man") and is the least girly in the group, but only because everyone else is super femme. they've all been friends since college. very good at selling technology, not very good at working it or fixing it.

Game Store clerk: would probably be best friends with manga clerk, maybe more, but they never cross paths. also definitely a lesbian. very whacky/quirky, energetic, and because of that most people find her annoying and geeky and won't associate with her. she hosts DND and is a great dm; nerd guys think romantically of her when they meet her bc she's a nerd girl but quickly lose interest when they get to know her, so she has a lot of guy friends. she's not super concerned about meeting anyone romantically, she's just happy with her DND groups and her games. thinks she'll help pioneer a new generation of fine entertainment.

Convenience Store clerks: this is when i remembered mulberry made posts for all of the 1980's clerks and rushed to see if i had missed any canon info, luckily i didn't, except for these two, there actually is information but it seems to rely on pre-existing knowledge that i do not have. what twins in 202X is she referring to?? i think they're friends.

Gift Store clerk: very shy, trying to figure herself out. tries a new aesthetic every couple months but can never find the right one. hoping to find the perfect outfit that will magically make her confident and likeable. works at a gift shop to fund her expensive shopping hobby, but her parents also spoil her rotten and help her out. still lives at home, no higher education. hoping for a dramatic college debut once she finds herself.

hope these are alright!

#yandere simulator #yansim #1980's mode

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key-to-my-heart · 3 years ago

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S2 WISHFUL THINKING

hey hi hello! i haven’t really been active on tumblr but i wanted to get back into the swing of being active and posting often. so.

i decided i will take note of some of my predictions, hopes, wishes etc. for Season 2 of Rainbow High!

so i kinda wanna just cover the things we canonically have seen aka specific events and drama that has gotten introduced

- The New Roommates / Series 3 Girls

i feel like we will definitely see more of them within the coming episodes. rainbow high literally advertised the new teams as like… i think the second or third teaser for the new season

it’s interesting to me because. this makes me think of What The Runway Project is? what could it possibly be? i believe i made a post about this in the past but the main theory (and theory i believe the most in) would be a Stage Production of sorts. i mean… it makes sense!

the twins are both Performing Arts focus and are definitely the antags this season. so why wouldn’t they cause trouble in regard to a stage play? plus, bella is back. she’s literally a set designer! we have never seen her do any set designing (other than making a sketch) so it would be fun to see that! if river were to get more focus this season, he would definitely have an outlet to channel his Performing Arts creativity! plus… Daria is a song writer so like. imagine if we were to get music out of that? please. the possibilities are endless.

im also eager to see the series 3 girls dynamics. like are the rest of the girls (gabriella, georgia, emmy and daphne) all roomed together? do they get along? will they all be just as dramatic as stella, sheryl and daria’s dynamic?

but anyway. whatever the drama and the semester project is, the new teammates definitely seem to be playing a crucial role in this season.

- The Twins

i’m actually really eager to see more of them. i feel like not enough people are talking about them? season 2 is actually really interesting so far…. maybe more so than season 1… and i feel like we are going to have to thank the twins for that at some point lol

like. idek what they’re planning on doing but. i’m excited to see what it is! they’ll probably be involved in the semester project or at least causing problems to all of the roommates and teams. they’ll definitely have something going on with bella. and it seems that they have a good bond with karma (after the KWK we got). so maybe they’ll have input in any potential drama with Karma. which leads me to

- Karma VS. Violet

so. this drama has been teased at for like. ever. for what feels like forever.

this moment in Karma’s bio PLUS the commentary about violet from her and the twins in the recent KWK episode. but anyway. i’m actually super interested in whatever this drama could be??? like. why is karma watching.

we know violet adores karma, she really wants to have her in the vi life. so i’m sure she basically looks up to her! but like. will karma actually genuinely be nice with violet? keep a distance? make remarks like she did in her recent vlog? i don’t know. idk what to expect. of course it’ll have to do with vlogging or something.

- Bella

ok so there is a few things to note with bella. i’m still interested in if bella will accept to do an interview with Karma for her vlog? if so, i wonder how that would go. and i wonder how violet would feel about it. like the very last time bella was featured in vi’s vlog was on a bad note (even though they made up) but like. idk AAA

also i’m wondering how bella is gonna handle being back to rainbow high. because so far it seems she’s having trouble fitting in. will the key to her fitting in be Jade? will Jade help her figure everything out? or would it be someone else?

as much as i’d love Jade to be the reason Bella starts to feel more at home, i also love the other idea of Amaya being the reason bella feels comfortable again. Amaya was once the new girl (and of course in an awkward position because she was essentially a replacement for bella’s spot in the runway group) but. she didn’t fit in. she had to find her place at rainbow high… and it took her until the runway show to be able to truly feel comfortable.

and like. i’ve been rooting for bella/amaya dynamic for awhile now. i see a lot of potential in this duo. we know they somewhat have tension. i mean. bella had a really awkward confrontation with amaya and that was rly their first and last conversation. sure they’ve been around each other like in the music video, at the end of s1, and when bella walked into the girls dorm s2ep2 but like. that’s it.

SO ANYWAY. what i’m trying to get at is that these two definitely need to become friends. i mean. they have a LOT in common. i was talking about the new girl situation because i feel like they can relate in that way. they both had an awkward entrance into rainbow high and could bond over that. it took amaya awhile to feel at home at rainbow high… so maybe she could become friends with bella and help her feel at home! they’re both very determined leader types. they’re really passionate and! they have the same friend group! so why not become friends?

- Jade and Bella

of course i will wonder about these two! i have no clue what to expect with them. the fandom and myself are really really really wanting to see these two become a canon sapphic couple. i really want to see this happen! and mga knows this. mga knows we want to see jella happen. i mean, they literally snatched the ship name from us and plastered it into their vlogs. so they KNOW

anyway. these two are literally going through it rn. the way jade’s eyes lit up when she saw bella was back at rh. and now both of them are looking for each other and worried about each other. jade thinking bella is mad at her rn? please. i will sob. they are really holding off this jella reunion but i hope it’s for a good reason. i just want them to talk and have a good reunion… a hug……. happy tears, happy smiles…………..a love confession…

- Amaya

so i don’t really have much to say here but i’m just wondering about amaya this season. she’s definitely been advertised so much to the point that she essentially became like. THE main focus in season 1. this peeved some people but personally i loved amaya being like a sort of main character figure. she didn’t really take attention away from the other characters but also had that energy of being a main character anyway.

my point is, though, idk how she will play out in this season? like is she going to be as much of a main character as the main 6 are…. or will she play a bigger role? i have no clue. it seems bella is going to have a key focus this season, which makes sense, but it still just makes me wonder about amaya’s role this season

- Colin

i just hope this man does not get a development arc. i know some people want him to…. but i just. i don’t. i don’t understand. the point of him existing was to show that cheating is wrong and to display girl power. by teaching that skyler didn’t need a man to prove her worth. that she is her own person. her own strength! i really hope that colin and bella don’t have anything omfg.

- Winter Break

i’m really. REALLY excited for the winter break arc. it’s about time we get to see some backgrounds outside of rainbow high! plus the animated tidbits of ruby, sky, and violet in their wb outfits in the wb commercial was everything.

i’m so excited to see their new hairstyles, to see them with their snow gear and more. omg. of course i think the twins will be involved in this arc someone. krystal briefly mentioned the twins’ family having a ski lodge. and then of course we see sunny with her skis so like. yea!! i just wonder how these episodes would play out. or episode. but anyway like… will they just vibe? or will there be a problem of sorts? if it’s winter break then it probably won’t tie into school or like projects or anything like that

- Kia Hart

i’m actually hoping kia gets some focus this season. like. what is she going to do? is she going to pair another couple together? (if so, please be jella. okay wait seriously what if she is the key to reuniting jade and bella together… anyway) i just hope to see more of her and possibly more of her and krystal together haha. but kia just vibes so far, it would be lovely to get more of her!

- The A’s

so ainsley is finally beginning to get some attention! i really hope we continue to get more of her as well as avery, and aidan of course! we did get a bunch of content of aidan but you can never have enough honestly.

but i just wonder about how the A’s will be this season. like will they do anything significant? are bella and avery going to remain close? what is going on!!!

- The Malibu Line

so we literally know nothing about this except

but i still wonder like. if we will get to see anything about it at any point during the web series. perhaps it would be more of a summer thing. but it definitely means something if Bella is in it! (also i’m just generally excited for her new doll. omfg.)

- The Rock Line

so we also know almost nothing about this except

saw someone discuss that the music being heard during s2ep2 could be in regards to the rock battle. honestly. what if this is some sort of project? battle of bands or something? that would be cool lol. anyway i’m intrigued for this line mainly because of all the clothing leaks we have been getting omg.

- The Slumber Party Line

we have known about this for a little while (with the theory of the baby blue girl being in it) but i’m just curious as to who the characters are and if they will be in the web series at all.

- Jett Dawson

okay so. this is a big one. jett being a collector doll, i feel like she’ll definitely play a crucial role in the series. so like. who will she be to the main characters? it says she’s generally nice. why was she giving that look to the girls after their runway performance? IDK! i have no clue what to expect with her. i feel like the expectations i had for amaya (before we knew anything about her) will be put into jett because. the vibes i got from amaya ever since we just had her doll… i am also kind of getting from jett. so i’m eager!

#rainbow high #rainbowhigh #rainbow high dolls #rh: episode predictions #rh: theories

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tokugou · 3 years ago

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Hi. First: I love your GIFs! They're pleasing to see on my dash (and sometimes gives me niggling ideas for creating GIFs of my own but almost never do it cuz procrastination and my creativity sucks haha 😅)! Please keep creating! <3

Second, genuine question (and out of curiosity): Why do you self reblog your posts often? People can see your posts on their dash, and even on the search thingy. The search thingy doesn't let people see your self-reblogs (just the original post). Even though I've kinda been on and off of Tumblr for years, I don't really get how it works, so I'm a bit confused as to why you and other bloggers self-reblog your/their own posts?

You don't have to answer if you don't want to, though! I'm just genuinely confused and I don't know who/where else to ask/search 😅. Thanks in advance! Have a nice day! <3

I honestly don't know what I did to get dragged into this discourse

Thank you for polite question, I honestly don't know if I can help you a lot and if my answer will explain it as you expect. I also was on and off tumblr for a long time and often, but I can answer it based on my own experience on this becasue it was confusing to me too when I first met with self reblogging.

Long reply under read more so to not trash other people' dash

first of all self promotion isn't a bad thing and i'm staring to think some of people here see it as a crime

compared to old one nowday t/mblr is a mess, lot of people left this site and most of them were content creators (either artists or gifmakers) and back then it seemd more welcoming to editors? People would rb your stuff no matter your popularity becasue hey it is content from my fav series i wanna see more i wanna keep it on my blog and show it to others so there was no need for people to self reblog becasue it circulated around a lot on its own.

new people who join this app are raised on i/stagram t/itter and/or f/book where LIKES means everything, you show your support by liking posts THIS NOT APPLY TO TUMBLR AND NEVER DID [you can check this amazing post about rebloging]. As nice as it is to get likes on your post becasue it is like a pat on a head - it is only a pat, doesn't mean anything on a long run. Reblog = spreading. If people don't spread it we stay unnoticed and we tend to self reblog more.

another thing that changed is: people no longer scroll from top to the last post they saw before going to sleep, cos why would they? You wake up in the morning open app while eating breakfast or drinking coffee and you sroll past ten or twenty post or an equivalent of hour or two of your absence - you dont go deeper cos it would be a waste of time - again, I say USUALLY, some ppl still do this and it is ok either way - which leads us to main point of self/reblog:

DIFFERENCE in TIME ZONE not all of our followers live in the same time-zone, when I post something in my free time it doesn't mean others have it too, most of them are probably sleeping or in working place at that hour. We self reblog so people who were absent (and we think might be interested in - becasue why not? they follow us for a reason right?) can see it when they get back on here. By reblogging ourself multiple times, that puts the post back on the follower’s dash and hopefully gives them a chance to see it.

most of people follow ton of blogs (one of my friend I met here told me they follow over 1k blogs) imagine even half of these blogs posting regulary, a few things per hour, the dash is messy and crowded OUR EDITS TEND TO GET LOST IN IT. Most of people follow a lot of blogs and might miss our posts becaue their dashes are WAY more active than these who follow five or ten blogs.

t/mblr fandoms aren't welcoming to new creators in my experience, to get notes you need to be popular/have lot of followers but you can't have lot of them if your posts aren't spread/seen and so on and so on it go in circle (a lot of ppl also only reblog popular posts and avoid these with litte of notes - don't know why it is like this, maybe they think these posts are suspicious?) so with self reblog we also give some of these fake notes to make a post more appealing, i guess? this one is just speculation.

the search function you mentioned is very rarely used tbh people don't go to search for things daily, they usually only do this when they join new series/ship/etc to check if there is something. People usually stick to what they see on their dashes. AND most importantly this option doesn't work as it should. It is some type of algoritm that promote post that are alive/active - even if your post is relativy new it might not show in search becasue it died quickly (as if it wasn't interacted with for some time). With search option it is 50/50 your thing either show there or not. ALSO REMEMBER search option is a terrible promoted thingy that doesn't show you everything so you better stick to /tagged/ thing you can enter manually while on dash if you are using web t/mblr.

people no longer go straight to specific blogs to check if they missed something, they might do it for their besties (as they call it) but other than that DASH is all people see and focus on, so the more often content creators self/reblog the higher chance followrs will see it.

we are not paid for what we do and it come to everything: edits, gifs, arts, writing, video and META POST we are not paid for it and no matter how many people say notes are just numbers these numbers are our motivational payment, the less you get the less you create because you just don't feel the point of sharing your creations if it is not received well or at all.

when I started posting I used to post new content daily even twice a day, nowdays seeing most of my edits not being well recieved in fandom I lost motivation to the point I was thinking of quiting because it didn’t give me joy anymore and I'm still considering it.

I personally never felt bothered seeing self rebbloged post, I follow a bunch of content creators, some of them sr twice a day some each hour, some more or less often. It often helped me to see something I would missed becasue I wasn't here and personally it often give me joy to see the post I remember seeing that had 2 notes when I rb it and now it is 500 or more.

to anyone who read it and still think self reblog is a bother: do not tell people to stop self reblogging. If you genuinely have a problem with self reblogging, just unfollow or block the person who does it and don’t make a fuss over it!

I hope I managed to answer you at least partly? I probably lost the point somewhere between first sentence and second but... well

#chloe.mailbox #long post #anonymous #i keep saying WE as in content creator but honestly i dont feel as if i was part of it

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messiisgodibeliveinhim · 4 years ago

Text

Just Another Rant

Okay, so why do NCTzens have a hate boner for Taeyong??? It's so f*cking weird, it doesn't make sense.

Taeyong has been under NCTzens' microscope since his debut. Everything he does is dissected and twisted into something its not. No other member of NCT or any group (except maybe Jennie from Blackpink) is treated this way by the group's fans. NCTzens want Taeyong to be the villain so bad, that they're willing to stoop as low as dehumanizing, body shaming and wishing d3ath on him. NCTzens dislike him, some even hate him and they're not very subtle about it.

Now, I'm not saying all NCTzens are TY antis. I have moots on Twitter who dont stan him, but are incredibly respectful towards him and acknowledge his talents and hardwork. If you're one of them, then this rant is not about you. But i will say this, if it isnt all NCTzens who anti Taeyong, it's most of them.

It started with Lines and Screentime distribution for NCT songs and mvs. Now, i agree that Taeyong used to get a little more lines and screentime than the others at first. But instead of calling out SM, most of you targeted Taeyong saying he deliberately stole the said lines and screentime from his members so that he'd get to shine more..... Really???

Next, when he was announced as a member of SuperM, NCTzens were clearly upset it wasn't Johhny or Jaehyun. Do you wanna know why??? No, they didnt talk about talent. Instead, they wanted Jaehyun/Johhny instead of Taeyong because SuperM is a group targeted at the western audience and Jn & Jh knew to speak English better than TY..... Okay.

And it keeps getting worse.

-NCTzens saying that TY goes into the recording studio to record his solo songs, by LOCKING OUT the rest of NCT, so that they wont get to record their solo stuff.

-That TY is SM's Golden Boy cuz he 'gETs a LoT of SoLO pRoMos anD cENter TiMe', completely refusing to understand what 'SOLO PROMO' means or see how overworked and mistreated he is by his own company.

-When TyongFs praise TY about anything, NCTzens always, ALWAYS insert their faves in the post. Like, go make your own post maybe???

/Trigger Content

-NCTzens saying that TY dances like he has a sq*irrel in his pants, raps like d*g, looks like a skeleton etc etc. And these are just mild stuff i mentioned here. NCTzens are so much worse when it comes to body shaming and dehumanizing him. And when we call them out for it, thay have the audacity to say that its a JOKE and we're STUPID for not having 'A Sense of Humor'....

/End of Trigger Content

-NCTzens saying that TY's main dancer/main rapper/main visual/leader/center positions should go to their faves cuz their fave 'iS So mUcH beTTeR aT TheSe pOsiTIOns'. Yeah.... sure..... NCTzens rarely talk about the positions other members have , but are really obsessed with Taeyong's.

-NCTzens still denying that Taeyong is NCT's leader and that he's really good at it. Just yesterday, a Wayzennie (also a TY anti) started spewing sh*t about Taeyong's leadership. And their arguement??? That they have 'lEAdeRsHiP eXpEriEncE iN UnI, WoRk aND ouTsIDe wOrK' and that makes them an expert about leading a 23 member global kpop group, who had a rough start what with their controversial 'unlimited' concept and experimental songs. Sure, Jan.

(Also, the thing where some Wayzennies are still not accepting that TY is the leader of whole of NCT, cuz Kun is WayV's leader..... Seriously, though its not that hard to understand. Kun IS and WILL remain the leader of WayV, a 7 member group. That's a fact. But when the subunits (127, Dream and WayV) come together for projects (ex: NCT 2018 and NCT 2020), Taeyong becomes the overall leader. But since these Wayzennies are still on their WayV not being part of NCT agenda, they're simply ignore this. Go figure.)

- Oh, but when some other member in NCT messes up, it suddenly becomes Taeyong's responsibility cuz 'HE'S THE LEADER'. Funny, how NCTzens change narratives quickly. Also, weird how, according to NCTzens, NCT members suddenly can't think for themselves even though they're grown adults and need Taeyong to take the blame for them. Haha.....

-Also, NCTzens guilt tripping TyongFs from canceling NCT Beyond Live tickets when they got to know that he was injured and wont be participating in the concert a little too late, cuz "Taeyong, as a leader, would be sooo upseeet that his group wont be getting TyongFs' money and he'd feel sooo guiltyyy that y'all are getting refunds of your OWN money that YOU CHOSE to spent and its not my business at all. But damn, y'all are sooo selfish!!!!"

-NCTzens posting about how overjoyed they are that TY is injured cuz that means their faves get to shine..... "Look how MY FAVE killed TY's part" "MY FAVE ate Taeyong up" "Should've put MY FAVE in the OG line up instead of Taeyong" "MY FAVE made TY's part as his own" "Thank god, MY FAVE got to show off his talents, now that Taeyong isnt here". God, if i were one of the Neos whose fans say sh*t like this, it would've felt like a slap to my face. Honestly, tell me, do y'all really think so low of your faves? Do you really think they cant shine even with TY being on stage? They absolutely can, but you're focus is not on them, is it? Way to embarrass yourself.

-NCTzens blaming Taeyong for NCT's slow rise to fame because of the false rumors/allegations pinned on him by nasty people. They say Taeyong was the sole reason for NCT not being liked by many, not because of their confusing/complicated concept or the music. Yeah, you heard me. NCTzens are not above victim blaming and pointing fingers, cuz they are not ready to accept the fact that Taeyong was the one who carried the group on his back all the way.

-And how they can't stand the fact that TY gets praised by proffesionals or non-fans or locals. A dance analyzer analyzed 127's Kick It and at the end stated that Taeyong was the best dancer in 127. And what did NCTzens do. They bullied the analyzer to the point that they deleted the video, just cuz their fave was not named the best. A reactor reacts to Taeyong's Long Flight and the comments on the videos are along the lines of 'Hey, MY FAVE'S also has a solo song too. You should definitely react to that' or when they're tryna be subtle (but not really), they go 'Taeyong is soo good but you should also check out MY FAVE'S blah blah blah'

Hell, even when TyongFs say 'Taeyong is very so creative, by coming up with BDLI Jungle Gym concept and the MAW chandelier thing. He's literally an Idea Bank', and NCTzens go 'All the Neos are idea banks' in the same post.

When TyongFs say 'Taeyong is the really so handsome. NCT's main visual', they go 'All the Neos are main visuals'

Lmao, just 3 days ago, someone commented 'Taeyong is cute' under a tiktok video and an NCTzen just couldn't help but fume about it and went 'All Neos are cute'🙄

Like seriously, this is sooo annoying. Make your own goddamn post about the rest of NCT, ffs! Why do you to insert anyone else in a Taeyong tweet? Literally, can't let Taeyong have a moment for himself.

-Recently, Taeyong released 2 solo demo tracks on SoundCloud- Dark Clouds and Dark Clouds Remix (check it out here: https://soundcloud.com/eh_ovo_taeyong). And NCTzens being NCTzens started those who never even promoted Kun's SoundCloud before started promoting it under every TY tweet on the same day. Now, i don't have a problem with them promoting Kun's SC. But they could've done it any other day or made their own tweet about it. But doing it under every TY promo tweet and on the very same day? Really??? And some of them had the audacity to say that TY was getting free clout from Kun cuz Kun followed him on SC.....😑😑😑

-NCTzens have this weird belief that TY is getting solo promos and is being pushed by SM. What on earth are they talking about? Taeyong being center, main rapper and main dancer of the group is not solo promo. Him being in SuperM is not solo promo. Him opening Instagram and SoundCloud is not solo promo, but self promo- which means HE'S promoting himself, not SM. Solo promo is usually provided to the artist by the company in the form of photoshoots, accepting brand deals, releasing the artist's solo music etc and SM isnt doing sh*t for Taeyong. All they're doing is overworking him and milking him for money. That's it. And i want NCTzens to understand that.

And the list goes on and on and on. This weird hate boner NCTzens have for Taeyong is so bizarre to me. All Taeyong does is sing, rap, dance, talk cutely, take care of his fishes and play games with Baekhyun. And this somehow gets NCTzens mad. They constantly discredit him, try to make him seem less than what he actually is, insert everyone else when someone is talking just about him, make him seem like a villain by twisting his words or actions and making it into a big deal.... *sigh* Its so unbelievable how low NCTzens can stoop. And it gets tiring real quick.

N E Ways, this is everything i wanted to rant about and damn, this turned out to be too lengthy. Now, if you havent followed Taeyong on his Instagram, please do @eh_evo_nct. Stream Long Flight, his one and only solo station. And please look forward to BaekhyunxTaeyong collab on Taeyong's SoundCloud.

Ciao!

#lee taeyong #taeyong #nct 127 #nct

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years ago

Note

i'm here for your Jare and Lana Thoughts

hmm i’m not good at like, coming up with concrete ideas/hcs, or at recalling anything, but yeah they should get to be friends

i mean we don’t know that alana has Any friends, and really even pre-act 2, evan is not an amazing friend to jared, and even if things were better re: that relationship, it’s not really ideal to for jared to have one single friend anyways.......and, again, evan’s not exactly the perfect friend and like, even though i think anyone taking any real note of the material realizes that jared and evan’s relationship being not very close or great at this juncture is a two-way street, it’s easily arguable that evan’s a worse friend to jared in canon than jared is to him. so like, if jared’s gonna have One Friend lol tbh it would be great if he and alana could become friends and like, have someone to hang out with and just have a chill time being Not Alone for once and not having to feel like they have to be maintaining this perfect performance at all times or be dropped

really like it’s a great concept to just imagine them getting to spend time together doing totally unremarkable average Hanging Out stuff.......do homework together sometimes instead of alone in their respective bedrooms, spend time together on the weekend and play video games / watch a movie, just do some chill shit that gives them the chance to have conversations and share interests and personal info and just like, get used to feeling more relaxed in this person’s presence and like this is a real friendship......maybe they spend time together in canon doing tcp stuff ever but we were never shown it, and that’s a bit of a transition from being mostly strangers (distant acquaintances) to being Sort Of friends / at least being more familiar with each other......and maybe they can become closer After the tcp heyday, like, presumably in the timeskip-and-beyond part of things.....like, yeah there's the issue of everything that happened re: tcp and how jared knows more about the inside story while maybe alana just suspects, and natch i don't think jared would be willing to share that Inside Story if only because we all know that he and evan are mutually protecting each other forever, but also i don't think that like, thoroughly discussing the tcp stuff is absolutely crucial to jared and alana getting to be friends. for one thing, they probably can't have gotten That close during tcp, since by act 2 jared is apparently not super involved, and for another thing i think by the finale times both alana and jared might Both just be wanting to pretty much like, move on from all the tcp stuff.

also like, really i don't remember if jared's Extracurriculars like model u.n. was from pre-bway content and/or if it was from "cherrypicking anything worthwhile from the novel" content lol, but also stuff like being a camp counselor can't be completely effortless, and as someone who isn't too close to his parents and for whomst, at least at one point, theoretically, his car insurance being paid was tied to him doing stuff his mom wants him to do e.g. Be Nice To Evan, i get the idea that maybe jared does some academic / extracurricular stuff at least partially with the motivation of staying in the good graces of his parents and other adults / being Approved of via those routes of like, performing well at various Set Tasks like "get good grades" "be in model u.n." "be nice to evan, theoretically, according to jared himself" and etc........anyways this is a really roundabout way to get to "alana might be engaged in like, structured / approved Tasks as a means to being supported, not in the exact same way as jared is but with enough of a parallel that he Understands it".....like, i think yeah we can deduce that alana is kind of Studious or at least cares about her academic performance, but people like, forget that she's Not just doing everything for her college applications, and that most of what the focus is on is alana doing Extracurricular stuff that's more involved with / focused on Local Community than just like, school......she's talking about what she did over the summer, which is sure inherently Not stuff for school, and tcp is only partly about the school, and isn't Academic.......alana probably sees Community Involvement as a means to support / connection / positive attention, which is a bit different from jared who like, yeah might be kinda on that wavelength in Disappear thru Ywbf, but also it might be mostly "oh i can be in this group with evan and alana"......jared mostly seems to regard Attention From Anyone Else as something potentially negative, even though of course he doesn't want to Not get any attention, so on the one hand he's trying to get ahead of that Potential Negative Attention by trying to establish his own Role as [i'm the jokes boy] and be able to Deflect attention away from himself, or at least from whatever aspects of himself he doesn't want to have anyone focus on / question, and he seems to have an even more Defensive approach re: adults (i.e. "literally nothing i tell my parents is true") and it's easy to imagine that he sees it as like, as long as he Does This Checklist of Tasks He's Supposed To Do, e.g. "get decent grades" / "do some extracurriculars (i'm just remembering model u.n. was from Prior Versions Of The Show b/c it was related to that perjury thing and being the ambassador of luxembourg)" / etc and Adults Will Leave Him Alone Entirely Maybe........alana of course doesn't really wanna be left alone, but also she's more focused on her Peers than adults as well, ppl mischaracterizing her as like, only caring about grades & Rules & generally being a killjoy.........but natch if she Is trying to get good grades and Is involving herself in a lot of projects academic or extracurricular or unaffiliated with school at all, and there's gonna be more Work involved in that, and probably hanging out with her will involve doing work Parallel to each other, or at least, alana doing work while you do whatever.......and i think jared would Get that and wouldn't be like, "why are you boring" lol......out here down to bond with evan over basically a writing project......having Computer Skills which he presumably honed / hones on his own time.........this is a mess but im basically getting to "jared wouldn't think alana is boring or anything and would understand pursuing Something through the routes of Projects and Commitments and Approved Activities" look i'm phrasing everything terribly but if i don't just get shit down i'll never answer this ask

meanwhile i think alana would think jared is funny, which is nice b/c despite jared trying to be Humorous evan doesn't act very interested or like he's like "jared you're hilarious and i love that about you" lmao like. obviously people interpret jared's Attitude as like omg so uncaring he has no feelings he also has no problems b/c he Takes Nothing Seriously (which obviously. Humor / demeanor doesn't necessarily reflect taking whatever "seriously" or not.) and maybe evan's misinterpreting it too, but even if he Knows better re: how jared really feels about things, he's not exactly trying to engage with him about it any other way, so.......anyways alana thought connor's terrible joke from probably a while back is funny so. she'd probably Genuinely be like "haha good one jared" and jared would get to be like :o :o :o whoa i made a joke and someone reacted......natch jared's also just trying to like, Provoke evan into paying attention to him sometimes with his Humour / being able to comment on Real Shit without giving away his Real Feelings but like, probably not the ideal form of communication, and jared's out here @ connor like "it was a joke" so he'd probably be fine if any other students like, reacted to his jokes as jokes.........and alana could. also she might Joke sometimes in return lol

there Is that bit of an issue where yeah alana having a tendency to just Take The Lead on things where jared has a tendency to just like, back off if he isn't expressly given space in the first place or if he's pushed back, and this isn't Ideal obviously but like, he and alana don't have to interact via Working On Projects Together alone, especially not tcp, and it'd be an inherently different dynamic if they were interacting solely due to being Friends / wanting to hang out for no especial reason vs interacting to work on something together........and i don't think alana would Want a friendship to be the same as "someone she works on a project with" like, as far as we know in canon, alana only has Acquaintances and jared ends up losing his one friend, so i think if alana and jared become closer later on / start this new Actual Friendship between themselves, alana wouldn't want it to feel the same as like, being involved in tcp together (and neither would jared), and i also don't think jared would necessarily want it to feel like his friendship with evan, which natch wasn't going great, particularly not in those final months l o l .......even though both of them being Friendless would probably make them somewhat eager to make One Friend, they both got burned by their attempts to Get Closer To People (or A Person in jared's case lol) ("everyone needed it for something" like okayyy if you say so, guess we Are just forgetting about alana and jared's existence), and they might not exactly be raring to go about [Obtaining Friendship] the same way again. and since they both had a pretty Transactional approach to getting positive attention (i.e. jared helping evan out and doing shit for him, alana doing the same and presumably doing the bulk of the tcp work when evan ingeniously held jared at arm's length instead of having him more involved but then kind of peaced out of the project himself) it'd probably be nice for alana to have someone who seems to like being around her without it being due to any of the work she does / has done, whereas jared probably doesn't wanna be The Guy Who Helps Out and is only talked to for that purpose..............and them both having a friend who they Didn't make / keep via their respective wtaw-type approaches to things is probably gonna be encouraging re: the fact that yknow, they don't have to put on that certain Performance of what they think people might want from them / people might find Acceptable from them........and of course if they spend more time together they'll get more used to the other / learn about them, and probably ~Learn About Themselves~ since they're finally getting to like, Not be putting on a performance for someone / feeling like they have to play some specific role to be liked or whatever

and like, alana isn't just all Boring and incapable of having fun or comprehending what that is........i like soph's hc that she loves karaoke, jared could tag along and be the audience lol and it's just like, hey we can just have fun together doing shit for fun and not like, feeling like you're having to prove your worth to the other person all the time, just having some confidence that the other person likes you for who you are and they can relax and actually enjoy it

naturally i like the idea that alana and jared become friends (or better friends) in college........the rest of senior year has to be Not A Great Time and just generally more fraught than usual for them, and they could stand to have the summer before college to kinda take a breath (but also maybe feel worried about college) but then yknow once college starts they're In college and it's different from hs (and better), and it being a Different environment with Different people and a Different structure can also help them just like, get more comfortable with themselves and maybe (hopefully) feel more capable of pursuing stuff they really wanna do and just overall be having a better time than, say, in senior year of high school.....would sure be convenient if they went to the same one of course. lol. hang out all the time on campus / between classes, go to Social Occasions together, be in the same dorm / just keep hanging out at each other's, etc

also just like, on its own, i always like the idea of jared also being able to Make Friends / have decent, positive, accepting Social Interactions via joining a club / being involved in some extracurricular type shit, where he Can be comfortable like "oh i'm here to Do Some Tasks so i get to be part of this group of people just by signing up, not by everyone else deciding they want me around" and then yknow, be spending time with this group of people that way, end up hanging out at various points kind of branching off of whatever Tasks are being done, and sort of gradually realize that people Don't Dislike him and can then catch on that maybe he has some potential friends here.........it's fun to think of him doing like, tech work for theatre, and also in the midst of all these theatre people he can like, fully realize Oh I'm Gay (and maybe get to fully process what went down there re: evan and his own Heartbreak there, like the fact that it Was heartbreak).......and to add the idea of Alana Being Friends with him during college, maybe a) she can hang out over in the theatre area sometimes while he's doing whatever and work on her own stuff but also get to interact with everyone else who might be around and b) if he gets any comp tickets she can get one and c) idk she can maybe also be Directly involved in helping out sometimes......

and also anyways getting all the way to This Point in the answer before mentioning that like, of course both jared and alana are gay and maybe haven't figured this out entirely by the events of Canon but sure could during college and could be each other's Supportive Friend, naturally if one of them figures it out first the other one is like wow great i'm such an Ally of that, boy it feels really great to Know i have a gay friend actually, b/c i'm Such An Ally......and then figuring it out for themself as well lmao like aha. hope they don't think i'm copying them lol...........also the one Jared And Alana "Dating" idea i permit is that maybe back in the day when neither of them were Aware of their own gayness they like, vibed with each other and were like "hmm is this Having A Crush?" and "dated" awkwardly for like a month or two or something (or less lol)......naturally they could've had this sort of experience with Anyone but like, the sort of underlying thing that the Affinity they mistook for "i wanna date this person" was them rly having the potential to be good friends and have a significant relationship that way. but then them having this real awkward "dating" experience probably would delay that for at least a little bit lmao like avoiding each other b/c even if it sure was just like, a not-that-dramatic mutual breakup, it's still uncomfortable and it's like "why didn't this work out at all"............but yeah the important part is they're gay and they're friends and if they are also good friends while they're figuring out the Being Gay stuff for themselves then that's just nice for them.....have this person be supportive and glad for you........

also and yknow there's the idea of "what if jared and evan start to make up in College Times and possibly kleinsen happens" and obviously being back in touch with evan would be both fraught for jared and alana even if they're in this place where it's easier to extend him some grace here, but they'd sure understand each other's misgivings and trepidation here even if they don't really lay out each and every Detail of like "yeah here's why and how i was hurt back in the day in tcp times".......and yknow, for jared it wouldn't have to be like "wow after i lost evan i've had No Friends and having him back in my life would mean i'm not completely alone anymore," which might help him take his time in contemplating / reflecting upon the situation lol. and who knows, alana might be down to accept an apology as well at least or something. but regardless of that concept Yeah jared and alana getting to be friends in college would be cool for both of them.

these are all broad sweeping concepts lmao instead of like any fun details or specific events / scenarios lol but yeah here are some Thoughts.......a real tl;dr is that it'd be nice if like, overall, both jared and alana felt like they had some more space in college to figure themselves out and feel less pressure to fit some precise role that will win them approval, and they find some Connection through each other and get to share that like, Figuring Themselves Out territory while being friends and getting some emotional support from each other, and they are gay

#deh #sorry this is kinda Especially this meandering mess lmao but hey....#had to just push through and get it out there or i wouldn't be able to answer at all lmao.......#i'm bad at [Having Ideas] [recalling ideas] [writing anything concisely].....#i mean feel free to send me asks about Whatever i love to interact but you know. they might be a mess &/or i take forever

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angelic-holland · 5 years ago

Text

Princess Party // pp x stark!reader

Word Count: 9.8k

Summary: Your dad is throwing a party and you want to invite the cute boy with the red and blue suit.

A/N: just adorably awkward teenage crushes, set between Captain America Civil War and Spiderman: Homecoming; reader is Tony’s daughter; bold is text messages

Your dad was throwing a party, for what? You honestly had no idea. All you knew was that it was a costume party, and that he invited some of the Avengers to the compound, which prompted you to beg him to invite Peter. Very few people in the world knew of Spider-Man’s real identity, but when Tony was creating the specs for his suit, he had you help him. He didn’t need your help, he was a fucking genius after all but he wanted you to ‘learn the trade’ because ‘you never know bubs, the world might need a new iron man’. You would roll your eyes because your dad, Tony Stark, was practically invincible, nothing would happen to him.

When you helped make Spider-Man’s suit you saw that it was labeled “Peter Parker” in Tony’s system and you felt excited, because you knew someone, a kid, someone your age that was out saving the world with your dad. It didn’t make you jealous, because you never were the type of person to want to save the world, at least not in the same way that your dad did.

But you wanted to get to know the boy who went and fought Captain America, the boy with powers similar to that of a spider. When your dad was going on and on about how smart Peter was, how he made his own webbing, your heart couldn’t help but beat a little faster, wondering what the boy looked like.

“Dad, can you invite Peter?”

“Hmm?” He asks, eyebrow raised as he continues his work, half listening while you sit at another table in his lab, working on your calculus homework.

“Peter Parker? Spiderman? To the party?”

Now why’d you want me to do that? You don’t even know who he is.”

For someone as smart as your dad, he could be a little oblivious, which right now was a hindrance to your plans.

“I know, but it would be nice to have another kid here, you know? I rarely get to hang out with kids my own age.”

“You’re way too smart to hang out with kids your own ag- wait a minute.”

“Yeah?” You ask, perking up and looking away from your homework to meet your dad’s wide eyes.

“Peter’s smart enough, not as smart as you, but he’d be able to hold a conversation with you. Jarvis? Go ahead and send an invite to Peter Parker.”

“Thank you!” You squeal, trying not to be too excited.

You spent the rest of the week trying to figure out a costume, you all but gave up when you were out shopping with Pepper, eyes falling on a Belle costume in a Target.

“This?” She asks, hands running over the cheap material.

“The parties tomorrow and I’ve got nothing chosen,” you sigh, looking through the sizes.

“Are you trying to impress Peter?” She asks, eyes knowing, the woman you considered your mom, who was every bit of a mom to you in every sense of the word, knew everything about you. She knew that you secretly wanted to go to school with kids your age and hang out with kids your age. She knew you wanted to have normal conversations that didn’t revolve around technology and science. She also knew Tony, and that he showed how much he loved you through letting you into his lab, letting you help design stuff.

“He just, sounds like a cool guy, and I mean, even if I’m not attracted to him in that sense, maybe he could be a friend?” Your voice wavers with worry, scared Pepper would try to steer you clear of the idea.

“I understand that, just tread lightly, you know what Tony would say, you’re 15.”

“I know, I know.”

***

You’re in your room, hands shaking nervously as you finish curling your hair. Your makeup was done, dress on, ready for the first guests to show up. What you weren’t looking forward to was all the guests you’d have to mingle with and talk to.

Knock knock knock.

“Hey kid, can I come in?” You hear Tony ask and you sit up in your chair.

“Come in!”

He sits down on your bed, hand patting the spot next to him.

You sit next to him, your yellow dress taking up most of the space.

“Pepper told me about Peter and-,”

“Dad!” You whine, tossing your hands up in the air.

“Just, take it easy, don’t be too weird, I mean I’m sure he’s a weird kid too, but don’t try to use him as a science experiment or anything.”

“What?”

“Don’t put him on a table in a lab and run experiments on his blood.”

“I wouldn’t-,”

“You were definitely considering it. Come on, you’re my kid, of course you’ve thought about it.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” you laugh.

Sir, the first guest has arrived.

“Jarvis, please tell me who decided it was okay to be an entire hour early.”

Peter Parker sir.

“Go on kid, I’ve gotta get into costume,” Tony says, lightly nudging your shoulder.

“Me? Does he even know who I am?!” You shriek, standing up and looking into your mirror.

“I’ve said I’ve got a daughter-,”

“That doesn’t-, dad.”

“Go on, and if he’s wearing a Star Wars costume make sure to make fun of him enough for the both of us.”

You laugh and make your way out of your room through the large complex you called your home to the front door.

You couldn’t help but start laughing as you saw the boy, standing outside, in none other than a Star Wars costume. He was cute though, brown hair a mess on his head, brown eyes that widened as you got closer.

“Hi,” you say as you unlock and open the door.

“Hi, are you, you’re Belle,” Peter squeaks out as he follows you down the hallway.

“Well I go by Y/N but you can call me Belle if you want,” and you’re glad that you’re not facing him because your face is definitely bright red right now.

“Wait, you’re, you’re Mr. Stark’s daughter?” His voice is a little higher pitched and he talks so fast you don’t think you’ll catch everything.

“Uh yes, the one and only,” you laugh, stopping in the kitchen and turning to him.

“I thought, I mean I just thought you’d be, like 5 or something, I mean you’re Ms. Potts daughter?”

“Biologically, nope, but she’s my mom, yeah.”

“Oh, cool, cool, cool,-,”

His eyes are moving all over the place, head tilted slightly as he looks at everything, everything but you.

“It’s uh, just a kitchen,” you cut of his cools, because if you don’t you think he’ll drone on and on.

“Sorry, yeah, it is,” he says, looking back at you.

“You’re super early you know.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, if that’s, if that isn’t okay, I was just scared of being late, actually, so I sort of left really early and now I guess that was a little dumb, since it’s a party but-,”

“Peter, hey, it’s fine, I was joking,” you laugh, you were probably just as nervous as he was, but you did a better job at hiding it between quick jokes, ones that he didn’t seem to be picking up on.

“Oh, yeah, joking, haha,” he laughs weakly, fingers tapping along his leg.

“You know, on the invite it said no cheesy pop culture costumes, I think yours is a little out of dress code.”

His eyes widen and he looks down at the brown robe and white shirt and pants he’s wearing, stammering before you throw him a line.

“I’m kidding, again. Sorry if that wasn’t obvious.”

“Oh I mean it was, I just am a little nervous is all.”

“Why would you be nervous?” You ask sitting on a chair next to the granite countertops.

“I fought in Germany with your dad, with Mr. Stark and uh I guess I’m just waiting for the next bad thing to happen, so I can help. I mean I’m not wishing for a bad thing to happen, obviously. So when I got the letter in the mail from Mr. Stark I thought it was a little old fashioned, sure but I thought it would be for some sort of covert mission. I just, sorry you probably don’t wanna hear it from me.”

“It’s okay, I mean, it’s not like you’ve got anyone else to talk to, so let’s hear it.”

“Ok,” Peter sighs, sitting next to you at the counter, his elbows resting on the counter, head resting in his hands.

“So you obviously don’t want something bad to happen, which is good, that means you’re a good kid.”

“Yeah I mean I know that but I guess, I guess that I just feel on edge, all the time, you know? I can't really have fun because I’m scared I won’t be ready when the next big bad comes around.”

“You know, take one outta my dad’s book, you should enjoy the here and now, you know? Be content in what’s happening now and the next time a big villain comes along, that’s your focus point. It’s easier said than done, I know he struggled a lot when he first started doing all this superhero stuff.”

“Whatcha talking about?” Your dad scared the shit out of both of you, sneaking up from behind in one of his Marks.

“Is that really your costume dad? Pretty lame,” you roll your eyes, of course he wouldn’t actually dress up for his own costume party.

“Not as lame as Parker’s,” Tony says back and Peter sulks.

“He knows I’m kidding right? Pete, gotta learn how to take a joke if you’re going to be spending time here.”

‘What, I mean, why would I-,”

“No reason, one foot!” Tony shouts as he leaves, leaving both you and Peter a little confused.

“What was that all about?” Peter asks and you shrug.

“Tony’s a little weird.”

“Why do you call your dad by his first name?”

“The apple doesn’t fall from the tree,” you say, standing up.

“What’re you doing?”

“Guests will be here soon, I’ll needa mingle,” you sigh, picking at one of the pieces of your dress that was already fraying.

“You don’t sound too excited about that.”

“Well, it’s just one night, then back to radio silence.”

“Huh? Where do you go to school?”

“Here.”

“You don’t go to like a real school? Awesome!”

“No, not really awesome,” you sigh as you lead Peter to the huge open space that is normally meant for training but was now full of decorations and had tables full of food and drinks as people started wandering in.

“Why’s that?”

“I’ll, we can talk later okay? I should-,” you’re cut off by one of Tony’s friends, another billionaire in the tech industry and his wife greet you.

“Y/N! Looking as beautiful as ever, you’re getting so old, I remember when you were running around as a toddler,” the woman laughs and you force a smile and play along, you can’t for the life of you remember their names.

Out of the corner of your eye you see Peter and he looks a little disappointed but walks away, leaving you to mingle.

After what seems like hours of talking to different people, eyes constantly searching for the mess of brown hair wearing a brown robe you found him, walking around like a lost puppy.

“Peter, hey, Peter!” You shout over the music that was currently blasting.

“Y/N, bedtime, curfew’s soon,” Tony says, still in his Iron Man suit, definitely a little tipsy, he points to his wrist like he would a watch.

“You’re seriously going to give me a curfew when you’re throwing a party?”

“Midnight, that’s lax, and hey,” He says, stopping you before you can run off again, “you’re not Cinderella, no missing it.”

You roll your eyes at his lame joke but nod, running off to find Peter, who was standing by one of the tables in the corner of the room.

“Hey, long time no see,” he says, voice raised slightly so you could hear him over the music.

“That was the most exhausting few hours of my life, come on, let’s dance.”

“I’m not very-,” Peter starts as you drag him into the middle of the room in between groups of people dancing. You can’t help but notice that his palm is cold and clammy in your own.

“I’m not that good of a dancer either, it’s okay,” Your hands rest lightly on his shoulders.

“Oh yeah, okay, we can, you know, just sway,” he says, hands nervously moving to sit on your waist.

You feel a nervous excitement bubble up inside of you at the idea and you know you’re probably blushing.

“Swaying is good,” you nod.

So you and Pete sway to the music, an awkward distance apart from each other, mildly hindered by your dress, the rest of the space between you was just purely being weird teenagers, you’ve never been friends with a boy, let alone danced with one, and you had no idea what Peter’s story was, but you wanted to know more about the mystery boy who was bitten by a radioactive spider.

“You look really pretty,” he says over the music, it’s hard to hear still so you tilt your head.

Half of you was wondering if he said what you thought he said, half of you wanted to hear him say it again.

“I said, I uh, I- I really like your costume.”

“Oh,” you sigh, a little disappointed.

“It’s really pretty.”

“Thanks.”

You continue to sway, feeling waves of embarrassment rush over you.

“One foot!” You hear Tony shout from across the dance floor, a path cleared between you and Peter and Tony’s line of sight. You sigh loudly, resting your head against Peter’s shoulder as you move.

“That’s what one foot means,” Peter nods in realization.

“I’ve got an idea, come here,” you say, stopping mid-sway as you pull him to one of the tables. Your eyes roam the expensive bottles of alcohol, you’ve never had it before and you look over at Peter, who’s face is pale and he shakes his head.

“I like soda better anyways,” you agree, fingers intertwining with his as you walk down the hallway to the kitchen, seeing fewer and fewer people until you were met with a nice silence, the sound barriers you helped design blocking the music from the party.

You grabbed a can of ginger ale from the fridge, “for you?”

“Ginger ale is fine.”

“Good this is the only soda we have,” you laugh.

“So what are we doing?”

“Getting out of this place, I don’t think I can smile and pretend to know anyone else.”

“That’s fair,” He says, following behind you as you climbed the stairs, “sneakers?” He catches a glimpse of your shoes beneath your dress.

“Wouldn’t be caught dead in heels, besides these are way more comfortable anyways.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I would enjoy wearing heels either?” Peter says and his face pales when you stop in front of your room.

“I’m just gonna, I’m changing outta this horribly uncomfortable thing then I’m going to show you someplace nice, away from the hustle and bustle,” you manage to get out, blushing as you look away from Peter.

He nods and gulps, awkwardly standing outside your door when you close it.

You take a quick picture in the mirror, wanting to remember the evening one way or another.

“Breath, get it together,” you try to hype yourself up as you pull the hair pins out of your hair, grabbing makeup wipes and getting rid of the makeup that painted your face.

You slipped out of your dress and tossed on a T-shirt and sweatpants, you really didn’t care what you looked like right now, and you doubted Peter cared either.

You took one last look in the mirror, taking a deep breath before opening your door.

Peter was pacing back and forth in front of the door, talking to himself.

He stops in his tracks when he sees you, pointing at your shirt. You look down, it’s just a funny graphic tee “find x, I found it’, “what?”

“I’ve got that shirt,” he says and you laugh.

“I love these things,” you say as you walk down the hallway, Peter falling in step next to you.

“So where are we going?” He asks as you take him down the stairs and to a different exit.

“There’s some trees, at the property line, absolutely beautiful, we can hang out there.”

“Oh cool.”

“Until curfew.”

“Curfew?” Peter raises his eyebrows, he probably figured, just as you had, that a curfew on a night like tonight was a little ridiculous.

“Tony’s a little paranoid,” you sigh as you slip out the back door, your fingers threading comfortably with Peter’s as you walked across the grass to the treeline.

You walked in a sort of awkward, sort of comfortable silence as both of you have so much you want to say, but don’t even know where to begin. You get to the trees and you’re about to sit down at the bottom of one when he stops you, hand letting go of yours and pointing to the tree.

You’re taken by surprise when webs shoot out from his web shooter, apparently underneath his costume this entire time. He shoots them from one tree to the next, creating what looks like a hammock.

“Wanna join me?” He asks, hand slipping back into yours.

“Up there? You sure it’s safe?”

“Designed the webs myself, so yeah, they’re pretty safe,” he says with a smirk and you’re surprised there’s more to the nervous, jittery boy next to you.

“Alright, can’t argue with that,” you laugh.

“Give it a second to dry a little,” he comments and you nod, enjoying the darkness of the night sky while out of the corner of your eye you see him staring at you. It’s not a creepy stare, but an innocent, bright-eyed, I want to know every mystery about you stare.

The next thing you know he hoists you into the webbed hammock, hands holding your waist as your legs meet the weird substance and you tumble into it, laying down and stretching your arms above your head.

Peter jumps up and lands next to you, side up against your own. His arm goes to rest below your head but he ends up elbowing you, “oh god, I’m so sorry I did that, are you okay?”

You sit up with a laugh, “it’s fine, I’m good.”

“Okay, maybe we can try this again?” He says and you nod, letting his arm rest behind you, laying down again. His hand rests against your shoulder and his head is next to yours.

“So, how do you like your new suit?” You ask, “it’s one hell of an upgrade from your onesie.”

“It’s not a onesie! Your dad called it that too, it’s not a onesie.”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that.”

“I think the suits really nice. I uh, at night I patrol around Queens, make sure everyone’s behaving, no crime going on, that sort of stuff.”

“How do you like the reconnaissance drone?” You ask excitedly, the part of the suit that you added, thought it was a nice touch.

“The what?” He asks, voice raises on confusion.

“Oh, maybe, maybe my dad didn’t show you everything the suit can do yet.”

“What do you mean everything it can do?”

“I probably shouldn’t, Tony would want to show you himself.”

“There’s added tech to the suit?”

“Please don’t tell him I said anything, I don’t think you’re supposed to know until he thinks you’re ready or something.”

“I am ready though.”

“I know I’m sure you think you are but-,”

“You don’t even know me.”

“I- I didn’t mean it like that.”

“What do you mean it like then?” He says, body tense against yours and you want to smack yourself.

“I just, I’ve only ever heard about you from Tony, and he just, says you’re too young. I don’t think he doubts your abilities, nothing like that, you’re clearly very smart, strong, all that. I just think that he’s scared of seeing something bad happen to you.”

“But he brought me to fight captain America! Clearly he thinks I’m ready!”

“No, I don’t, it’s not that. He, he probably sees someone his daughter’s age, and freaks out a little, I mean, look where I am.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just mean, I used to go to school, until he became Iron Man. I mean he’s always had money and people were always upset with him for one reason or another. But after he became Iron Man, he got threats, horrible threats, not just towards him but towards me as well. He was pretty paranoid the first time someone said they were going to kidnap me from school, I was nine. So since then I’ve been home schooled, by Tony, by Pepper, Jarvis, Happy sometimes. Which sort of is nice, since I’m pretty ahead in school, I can graduate this year, and I will. Just don’t know how college is going to work yet. Still working on that. But Tony’s protective of the people he loves, and he might’ve just met you but he wants to take care of you, he cares about you at least a little bit, even if it’s in his own self interest.”

“Does he, are you allowed off the compound?”

“Yes of course! Of course I am! But I just can’t go to school and any friends that I happen to make have to go through his security checks before I can give them my phone number or they can come over.”

“Have I gone through that, the rigorous security?”

“Why? Wanna be my friend?” You tease, sort of hoping he’d say yes.

“Yeah,” He says breathlessly.

Your turn your so your cheek rests against his shoulder, “I think I’d like that.”

“Y/N STARK, Y/N STARK,” a loud electronic voice starts to go off, a red light beeping on your phone.

“Fuck,” you mutter sitting up.

“What’s wrong?” He asks as you attempt to slip down from the hammock.

“It’s definitely past curfew, so my phone is flipping out at me and oh shit,” you’re tumbling out of the hammock, a short scream, stopped by Peter’s webs grabbing your hand and slowly helping you down to the ground as he slips down too.

“Sorry about that,” he says, ripping the webbing off your wrist.

“No, thanks for helping me down,” you laugh, “you should come by the lab sometime, show me what you use in your webbing.”

“Y/N STARK, Y/N STARK.”

“Alright! Alright I’m coming!” You shout up at the sky.

“Should I, I should probably go,” Peter says as you both start walking back to the compound.

“Oh, I, yeah, it was nice to meet you?” You say, voice rising, the question wasn’t for him, it was more for you, because you were hoping this wasn’t just the only time you’d meet and hang out with him. And you’d probably have to be the one to take the step to invite him over.

“I mean, if your dad, if Mr. Stark is okay with it, do you, uh want my phone number or something? So the next time we hang out we can make sure we both aren’t wearing the same graphic tee?”

You laugh, head tilted up and eyes crinkling and Peter swore you looked more beautiful here, in the pale moonlight, fresh face and just enjoying your evening than you did in the costume with your hair and makeup done, mingling and doing things you clearly didn’t enjoy.

You giggle at the statement, a funny but smooth way to get your phone number.

“Yeah, here, put your number in my phone,” you toss your phone to him and he catches it with ease, you guessed his reflexes were enhanced from the spiderbite.

He quickly types in his phone number and sends a text to himself so he has your number, he wasn’t going to let you slip through his fingers, as you get to the back entrance of the compound, the party still in full swing at the other side. You stood at the door, watching as he shifted from one foot to the other.

“It was nice to meet you,” you gulp, sticking your hand out to say goodbye, “ow.”

You hand collides with his stomach as he apparently moved in for a hug to challenge your handshake.

“Oh shit, sorry,” he says, stepping back with those wide eyes and hands held up to the side.

“You got a bulletproof vest under there or something?” You laugh, thinking part of his costume is what hit your hand.

“No, uh, nothing, just, j-just me,” he stutters out and your eyes match his in widening at the implication of his words.

Of course he’s ripped he’s Spiderman, you remind yourself.

“Well, uh, goodnight,” you nod and quickly leave him to lessen any further embarrassment on both of your parts.

You run up the stairs to your room, slamming it shut as you see several voice memos from Tony on your phone.

“Oh darling daughter of mine,” his voice is a little slurred, “fifteen minutes past curfew.”

“Okay not sure where you and Parker have disappeared to but you need to be back in your room in 10 minutes.”

“Without Parker, he needs to go home”

You sigh, sitting on the edge of your bed and sending Tony a quick message, letting him know you were back in the safety of your room and Peter was on his way home.

You see the text Peter sent himself from your phone, a simple “hi” and you shake away the smile on your face.

You open up your photo from earlier, you looked pretty, cheeks a little flushed from dancing and being with a boy you thought was pretty. Remembering the night made your heart flutter lightly in your chest as you crawled up to the top of the bed, laying your head on the pillow as you open your Instagram.

It was private, the only people who followed it were Pepper, Tony, and a few friends you made when Tony let you help run and organize his expo for teenagers. You tapped the button to post a new photo, adding a filter before your fingers hovered over the keyboard on your phone. You laid in bed thinking of a caption for a while, a semi decent one would do.

Y/N_Stark: nobody came to my princess party :/

You posted it and saw the small notification symbol on the side of your profile to show someone requested to follow you.

Peterbparkerr requested to follow you

You click on his profile, the profile picture a goofy close up picture of his face, a wide smile, eyes crinkled and you couldn’t help but smile.

You scrolled through some of his pictures, mostly completed Star Wars lego sets. You came across a picture of him with a sign in the doorway of his apartment.

The sign said “1st day of sophomore year” and his eyebrows were furrowed, finger pointing down at the sign as who you assumed was his Aunt May smiling proudly behind him with her thumbs up.

There was a picture about a year before that with the same sign, this time he had a big teethy grin as he held the sign, this time saying “1st day of freshman year” and you wondered if it was a tradition he’s been doing. You sort of wondered what it would be like to sign up for classes at a high school or college, make friends that way, go to the same school as Peter. You were getting way ahead of yourself however, for now, you could just accept his follow request.

You opened up your text messages again and open the messages to Peter.

You: you know, finding me on instagram right after we meet for the first time is kind of stalkerish

You: to clarify that was a joke

Peter: haha I get it

You: oh thank god for that

Peter: i saw your instagram photo and i

You: ???

Peter: sorry that sent before i could finish, i think you looked really pretty tonight, i just wanted to tell you that

You: thank you, you know your star wars costume wasn’t as bad as tony or i made it seem

Peter: oh thanks

As you contemplated sending a message asking him if he wanted to see the lab, partially afraid of a rejection, but also afraid of what you would do if he said yes another message from Peter came in.

Peter: was hoping I might be able to get into your lab at some point

You: just gonna use me for my dads cool tech?

Peter: maybe

Peter: to clarify that was a joke

You: oh shush

Peter: I also want to see you again

You: cool

Peter: cool?

You: aka I want to see again too

Peter: :) I’m glad

Peter: goodnight princess

Peter: I’m sorry if that was weird

You: it’s kinda weird but I dig it

***

Taglist: @tom-hollands-blog @spider-babes @unicornsyy @practicallylivesonline @tom-hollands-wife @quinjetboi @rageyoudamnednerd @sunnydays0803 @jackiehollanderr @khhbby @fancyxholland @thomasthetankson @lousimusician @amyalpha @musiclover1263 @peterbxrnes @relise-thefury @thewinterslut @starsholland @fandomdarlings @peteunderoos @saysomethingspiderman @therealcap @yamyam515 @dylanrauhl @mobbinholland @desir-ae @cvrecem @pumpkinsinnerpie @i-guess-n0t

#anyways first time really writing for peter so i hope i did him justice #peter parker #peter parker oneshot #peter parker x reader #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker fluff #peter parker reader insert #peter parker x reader imagine #peter parker imagine

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imnotinclinedtomaturity · 5 years ago

Text

Love Yourself: Chapter 35

title: Love Yourself summary: A lot of things about Dan’s life are pretty great. He gets to make the music he wants, he’s got a great fanbase, and his manager is his best friend. A few things about his life suck a bit more. He’s currently lacking inspiration, he’s rather lonely, and he’s stuck in a rut. Dan’s been going to the same coffee shop for years. It’s quiet, it’s quaint, it’s near his home. Most importantly: none of the employees give a shit that’s he a world-famous singer. Things change when he meets the new barista. chapter words: 5.5k story words: 289k (so far) chapter: 35/? rating: e warnings: language, alcohol, sex mentions, some bi/homophobia, eventual explicit smut, some depression, consensual d/s undertones genre: singer!dan, coffee shop au, barista!phil, slow burn [[ao3]] [[first chapter]] [[previous chapter]]

a/n: hello all! apologies for the VERY long wait. i had this chapter in basically this exact same condition a MONTH ago and didn't post because i intended to be nice and add to it. however, i kept NOT, because tbh i'd always planned to end the chapter here, and didn't want to end it here just because of the long wait, and then the wait became longer... and then it became a whole cycle.

but i had an impulsive moment tonight, and basically demanded the ever-lovely elizajane's attention and cleaned it up for posting. i knew i'd just sit on it for ages if i didnt post, and the odds of adding it to it was probably low. now that it's out there, the odds of me moving forward and writing shoot up dramatically haha.

thank you each and every one of you for your never-ending and ever-present support. i love how patient and enthusiastic you are, even when i make you wait literal months for a chapter. my work life has been very hectic lately (i'm applying for a big thing this fall and it's a lot of time and effort and writing), but i promise i'm dedicating actual time in the next week to actually sitting down and sketching out how i want to get from here to the intended ending. i want everyone to experience the ending i have in my head for this fic, and i wanna figure out how to make that happen for all of us.

***************

Taking a break from the world and enjoying each other’s company was a wonderful decision. And sure, they had spent half the day working, but they’d been working together. In bed. Alone.

This was a development that Phil was very okay with. For one, working in bed was a lot more comfortable than the chairs at B&G. And while skype calls were better than the coffee shop, where Phil was at least able to sit on his sofa instead of a stiff chair, they didn’t hold a candle to this setup. Because in this new arrangement, Phil had been able to reach out and touch Dan anytime he’d wanted. And Dan could touch him back — in fact, Dan had spent the majority of the day touching him back.

Plus, once they’d finished their work, they’d been able to set computers and journals and pens aside and focus on each other. Three hours, a nap, and another round of making out later, Phil was feeling… content. He couldn’t quite place the feeling. It was domestic and warm, nice in a way he hadn’t ever really experienced before. In a way he very much wanted to experience for as long as possible.

It had been a solid twenty minutes, maybe thirty — Phil couldn’t see the clock from his current position — since Dan had settled in Phil’s arms again, arm looped around Phil’s bare waist, head tucked into Phil’s shoulder. For a while, Dan had been tracing faint, tickling designs on Phil’s side, but somewhere along the way, the movements had stopped. Phil was beginning to wonder if Dan had fallen asleep again. It wouldn’t have been that surprising; in fact, it might have been the only explanation for Dan being this quiet and this still for this long. Quiet and still weren’t exactly Dan’s normal behavior.

Curious, Phil grazed his fingers up and down Dan’s arm, keeping his touch light enough that it wouldn’t wake Dan if he was asleep, but just enough that Dan would still be able to feel it if he was in fact awake. Phil was surprised when Dan let out a quiet hum. Stilling his fingers, Phil turned his head to peek at Dan’s face. His eyes were closed, but his lips were quirked up into a small smile, giving away the fact that he was undoubtedly awake. Awake — and maybe, just maybe, happy. Phil’s mouth twitched up into a small smile of his own — Dan’s happiness made him happy.

“That felt nice,” Dan murmured, just a smidge of petulance in his voice. Phil took the hint and resumed gently stroking Dan’s arm. “Good boy,” Dan mumbled, so quiet that Phil could barely hear him.

Chuckling, Phil bit back a quip about how Dan was the good boy here, because now didn’t seem like the right time for that. Now was too soft of a moment to have a serious conversation about it, and it certainly wasn’t the right moment to… derail with sex. It was too nice. So instead, Phil relaxed quietly and let his fingers draw aimless paths from Dan’s shoulder to his wrist, enjoying the moment.

“This is nice,” Dan murmured again, this time sounding nothing but pleased as he wiggled closer to Phil, his head burrowing ever so slightly deeper into Phil’s shoulder and his grip tightening just a hair.

“It is,” Phil agreed lowly, as if speaking too loudly would shatter the moment.

A beat of silence passed between them, and Phil wondered if Dan was just as reluctant to break the reverie as he was.

But the silence couldn’t last forever — Phil didn’t expect that it could. A few minutes later, Dan was tilting his head up to look at Phil, his eyes already filled with dread. “I’m beginning to feel a bit badly about ignoring the rest of the world, though.” Dan didn’t sound like he felt guilty, his voice the same serene, easy tone as before.

“Get up on the count of three?” Phil offered, stilling his hand on Dan’s bicep.

“I don’t feel that bad,” Dan whined with an exaggerated eyeroll.

Phil giggled at the adorable manchild in his arms and pressed a kiss to the top of Dan’s head, his fingers once again resuming their path. “You can count at whatever pace you want, silly old bear.”

Dan’s gaze softened, and his lips shifted from an immature pout to a playful smirk. “Fine, but we’re starting at negative five,” he compromised smugly, sounding sure that he’d gotten the best of Phil.

“Deal,” Phil agreed readily. His desire to move Dan was half-hearted at best, really only driven by Dan’s ambivalent efforts to get up.

Dan, apparently satisfied with Phil’s response, settled his head back into the crevice of Phil’s neck, and looped his arm snugly around Phil’s stomach. Burrowing his head closer to Phil’s chest, Dan murmured a quiet and unconvincing negative four.

It took Dan fifteen minutes to count to zero, and another ten to get to three. True to their agreement, though, Dan pushed himself up and out of Phil’s arms as he called out the last number. Seeming to capitalize on his momentum, Dan swung his legs to the floor and climbed out of the bed, swiping both their phones off the nightstand.

“Is it time?” Phil asked, unable to curb his reluctance, even as he caught his phone when Dan threw it at him.

“It’s time,” Dan confirmed, still standing by the bed. He didn’t sound any more pleased about it than Phil felt, but he was already in the process of unlocking his own phone, so Phil figured there was no escaping reality at this point.

Pressing his thumb to the home button, Phil unlocked his phone, only getting as far as his home screen — where there were approximately fifty thousand notifications — before he was sidetracked by a sharp what the fuck from Dan.

For a second, Phil was torn on what to do first. It seemed like every app had at least a dozen notifications — and some had literally hundreds. His finger froze, debating if he should open his email or twitter or instagram or tumblr or messages or whatsapp or —

Jesus, even Phil’s calendar app had notifications. That never happened, not outside of previously-discussed meeting invitations at least.

“What in the actual fuck?” Dan muttered, drawing Phil’s attention up; Dan, and his confused distress, seemed like a better place to start than the notifications anyway. Everyone else in the world could wait — and not just because they weren’t right in front of Phil.

“What is it?” he asked, trying his best to keep the apprehensive fear out of his voice (and doing a bang up job of it, he was certain).

“I— someone— last night—” Dan stopped and started several times, his voice growing higher and higher pitched with every attempt, his eyes still focused on his screen. Each start gave no more insight to his increasing distress than the last.

“Dan,” Phil urged, his voice just this side of commanding. He was nervous and increasingly worried, and his anxiety was already getting the best of him.

“There’s— picture,” Dan finally spat out, voice strangled, panicked.

Realization — and his own fair share of fear — washed over Phil, a deep sense of dread churning in his stomach as his mind flashed through image after erotic image of what could have been photographed from last night: Dan blushing at the table while they talked about rimming, Dan straddling his lap in the club and grinding down, Phil pressing Dan against the bar and feeding him limes in the most suggestive way possible, Dan grinding his arse into his crotch and dancing on a crowded and anonymous dance floor…

Phil’s imagination was saved the effort of conjuring up more wonderful but wildly inappropriate memories by Dan thrusting his phone into Phil’s face, far too close for Phil to actually focus on the image on the screen. Calmly, or at least in some version of what Phil hoped seemed calm but probably wasn’t, Phil plucked the phone out of Dan’s hand and held it at a reasonable distance, preparing himself for the worst.

His eyes adjusted, and he took in the picture.

The first thing Phil noticed was that the photo was dark and grainy, but there was no mistaking it was them, not with Dan’s brown curls and dark clothes, and Phil’s dark quiff and brighter outfit. Still, it was far better than any of Phil’s fears — it wasn’t from the restaurant or the club or the dance floor, they weren’t grinding or kissing or teasingly touching each other.

The picture didn’t scream platonic friends, but at the same time, there wasn’t anything explicitly confirmatory about it. There were no obvious hickeys, no lips pressed against lips or throats or collarbones, no hands straying to explicitly private parts.

There was still a shred of plausible deniability.

Oddly enough, the picture seemed to capture the same thing Dan’s new lyrics had — the softer, more romantic and gentle part of the night, the part where they’d sunk into each other. The part where they were full of lust, but undoubtedly full of something else, too.

No, the photo wasn’t some dirty, grainy shot of them at their horniest. It was taken from the back, which explained why they hadn’t noticed the photographer — although the absurd amount of alcohol probably explained that equally as well. They were stopped at a crosswalk, standing side-by-side on the corner, their arms looped around each other’s waists.

Or, well, Dan’s arm was looped around Phil’s waist. Phil’s arm was a bit — a lot — lower. His hand wasn’t so much gripping Dan’s hip as it was the side of his arse.

The placement of Phil’s wandering hand wasn’t great, but compared to their faces…

Dan’s head was tipped sideways onto Phil’s shoulder, chin angled up so his mouth was very obviously accessible for Phil’s. Phil’s own face was turned to look at Dan, bent down at an unnatural angle, his expression a blurry picture of fondness.

Phil couldn’t help but wonder why the photographer — whoever they were — shared this moment, and not the one immediately after. The moment where Phil was nearly certain he’d closed the small distance between them and kissed Dan’s begging lips.

It looked coupley, of course it did, it couldn’t not. But there was room to spin it.

Probably.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Phil schooled his face into a neutral expression and lowered the phone — not that it mattered that much; it wasn’t like Dan’s phone was big enough to hide Phil’s entire face, and Phil was certain that his initial expression hadn’t been the most… composed of all reactions he could have had.

“Okay,” Phil said shortly. His one-word response was clipped, monotone. Drawing a deep breath, he tried his best to sound a bit more alive, a bit more positive, when he continued. “Could’ve been worse, all things considered.”

There. That was a true statement.

Dan raised his eyebrows and cocked his head, shrugging his shoulder in a noncommittal I guess fashion. He snatched his phone out of Phil’s hand and studied the picture for a second longer before looking back up to Phil.

“You can’t tell if either of us are hard, I guess that’s something,” Dan finally conceded. He pursed his lips, his mouth scrunching to one side as he stared harder at his screen.

“True,” Phil agreed, genuinely thankful for the small victory — he knew he’d been at least semi-hard for a large part of the previous night, and he was pretty sure the same went for Dan, too. Phil’s branding could handle some drunk walking and cuddling with a friend (or someone more, his audience didn’t need to know the specifics). He wasn’t sure how well his branding would mesh with stiff cocks and hot lips and groping hands, though.

Twirling his own phone between his thumb and forefinger, Phil trained his gaze on Dan’s face, carefully watching for any minute hint of emotion. Dan’s expression was steadfastly neutral, albeit pinched, though, making it nearly impossible for Phil to read what Dan was thinking.

“What next?” Phil finally relented when the silence went on for too long. The desperation to do something — whether it was responding to every single tweet they’d been tagged in or deleting every contact who’d messaged them about the picture — was gnawing at Phil’s nerves and his fingers were itching to do anything at this point.

Antarctica could be nice, Phil thought. At least penguins were cute. And probably easier to please than excited fans.

Dan sighed, dropping his attention back down to his phone. “I reckon we should start by seeing what people are saying,” Dan mumbled, already tapping about on his phone as he collapsed back onto the bed, his back leaning against the headboard, his side pressing up alongside Phil’s. “No point in talking ‘bout what we want to do until we know what everyone’s thinking.”

“Great,” Phil agreed, an uncharacteristic note of sarcasm creeping into his response — maybe it was from being around Dan so much, or maybe it was the only way he could cope with the severity of the current situation. “Reading through all my twitter mentions is exactly what I want to do right now,” he huffed, punctuating his complaint with an eyeroll.

Dan and his sass were definitely beginning to rub off on him.

Whining aside, both Dan and Phil opened their twitters. Phil swiped directly over to his mentions, impatience getting the best of him. Almost all of them mentioned Dan too, and a not-insignificant portion were in response to the original tweeted picture of them. Phil had learned from experience: the more people responded to the source of gossip, the more people the gossip reached.

As Phil scrolled through his tweets, he gathered that most people's reactions were positive — ranging from excited keyboard smashes to multi-tweet threads of encouragement, support, and firm warnings to respect his and Dan’s privacy. Somewhere in between the extremes, though, were a bunch of overly intrusive, speculative tweets that had Phil groaning. There were tweets that tried to guess at the context of the photo, tweet threads that in-depth speculated on the nature of his and Dan’s relationship, back-and-forth tweets arguing about the timeline of their romance.

It was too much to keep reading, and besides, Phil had well gotten the gist of it all by now. He glanced over at Dan, mainly to see his reaction, only to find that Dan was scrolling through a hashtag that Phil had only noticed in passing, not fully registering its popularity.

#Phanconfirmed

“There’s a hashtag?” Phil asked wearily, despite the fact that between his feed and Dan’s screen, the answer was obvious.

“It’s trending,” Dan confirmed, his voice still flat as he scrolled through page after page of tweets. “Worldwide,” he added.

“Fuck,” Phil mumbled, incapable of much else at this moment. Dan might have been hung up reading tweets in the hashtag, but Phil was pretty certain he didn’t have it in him at this moment in time. Closing out of the app, Phil switched over to his calendar, then his voicemail, then his messages.

Just from the badges on the apps, Phil knew it’d be bad. All things considered, though, he wasn’t nearly as prepared as he should have been. “I’ve got eight missed calls, five voicemails, and three virtual meeting invites from my manager,” Phil said, half to himself and half to Dan. “And a rather demanding text.”

And those weren’t even counting the ones from PJ and Martyn and his mum. Now definitely didn’t seem like the moment to deal with those.

“Shit,” Dan cursed under his breath. “I should probably check mine, too,” he conceded, this time a little louder.

Phil tore his eyes from his screen — he didn’t particularly want to keep staring at Marianne’s assertive call me asap message anyway — and watched as Dan tapped through his own phone and message apps.

“Sixteen calls, nine voicemails, and ten texts from Louise,” Dan read off unnecessarily, still sounding like he was in a state of shock. Tapping back to his full message list, Dan continued, “Adaline texted five times, too. I’m sure those aren’t hunting for gossip at all,” Dan huffed, dropping his phone and burying his face in his hands.

Phil made a sympathetic noise. His brother wasn’t much of a gossiper, but his whole family knew Martyn was more likely to get dirt out of Phil than anyone else, so he was willing to bet his brother’s texts had the same intentions as Dan’s sister’s.

Dan rubbed his face, clearly agitated. “Fuck, I don’t even want to think about what my parents are saying — I kind of put a moratorium on discussing my love life with them.”

As much as that statement piqued Phil’s interest, he couldn’t bring himself to focus on it right now; his mind was too focused on his own parents — and the fact that he'd barely gotten around to telling his mum anything. He’d shot her a text while they were waiting to board their plane to New York, just a vague message about how she might be seeing his name pop up in celebrity gossip columns and yes he was dating someone and no he didn’t have time to call her and regale her with the details right then. That definitely wasn’t enough anymore, not given the fact that there was now actual photographic evidence of Phil intertwined with a very obviously famous boy that his mum would definitely recognize. So Phil filed Dan’s stray comment about keeping his parents and love life separate into the discuss later part of his brain.

Turning his focus back to the problem at hand, Phil tried to search for a solution. “We should call them, right? Our managers, I mean,” Phil asked, uncertain and unconvinced with his own suggestion. “Or should we talk about this first, just us?”

Dan clicked his phone off, chucking it haphazardly into his lap, and rolled his head to face Phil. His face was still tense with stress, his eyes lit up with something far too close to regret for Phil’s comfort.

“I’m sorry I was all over you last night, I feel like this is my fault,” Dan lamented, his eyes fluttering shut for a few seconds. It wasn’t an answer to Phil’s question, it was just an… unnecessary apology.

“Hey,” Phil said softly, nudging his shoulder against Dan’s and tipping his head up with gentle fingers on Dan’s chin. Their gazes finally met, and Phil pressed a sweet kiss to Dan’s forehead. “Last night was just as much me as it was you,” Phil assured him.

“Yeah, but I was the sloppy, needy one who practically begged his boyfriend to take care of him,” Dan rebutted, his face still filled with far more remorse than Phil ever wanted to see on it.

“Shush,” Phil admonished kindly. “You may have been a bit needy, but I was more than willing to take care of you, baby. I don’t want you to ever feel bad for asking for what you need, I want to give it to you no matter what.”

Dan’s eyes snapped shut again, his breath coming a bit heavier than it had been a minute ago. A tense moment passed before he finally spoke.

“Fuck, Phil. You can’t just say shit like that,” he grumbled, eyes batting open and boring into Phil’s. “Not if you’re not willing to fuck me, anyway,” he added, a hint of a smirk toying at his lips.

“Later, babe, after we deal with this.” Phil kissed Dan’s forehead again, this time letting his lips linger for a few seconds before pulling back and letting Dan’s chin dip back down. Gaze trained on the top of Dan’s head and eyes tracing the messy curls, Phil’s mind drifted back to the problem at hand.

Fiddling with his phone in one hand as he searched for what to say next, Phil’s mind fumbled through vague, half-formed ideas. But before he could articulate any of them, the harsh, unexpected vibrating of his phone derailed his thoughts. Even as he glanced down, Phil could already guess that the call was from his manager — in hindsight, the buzzing really shouldn’t be that surprising, given all the other missed calls.

“I can let it go to voicemail,” Phil offered, making no move to answer the call. “That way we can talk first.”

“No, it’s fine,” Dan sighed. “Stalling won’t make things any easier. Just… figure out what she’s thinking and don’t agree to anything major, and I’ll do the same with Louise and then we can figure it out together.”

“Mmk,” Phil hummed in agreement, swiping to answer the call at the last second. “Hi, Marianne,” he greeted when the call connected. His voice had none of its usual enthusiasm, and his attention was only half focused on the call — the rest of it was watching Dan dial his own call, presumably to Louise, as he made his way to the bathroom and shut the door.

As much as Phil wanted to know what was happening with Dan’s conversation, the separation was probably for the best. Phil was certain that he wouldn’t be able to focus on his own conversation if Dan was still in the room.

Marianne didn’t beat around the bush; there were no pleasantries, no polite inquiries about his trip to the US. Instead, she jumped right into the crux of the drama.

“Phil, I didn’t push you to address the rumors when Dan came out,” Marianne said, her voice stern and leaving no room for discussion. “But you cannot ignore two scandals in a week.”

“I —” Phil started, intending to push back. But even as he pieced together his rebuttal, he knew she was right. His silence would only fuel the rumors, and besides, he felt like he needed to tell his audience something. In the past, he’d always been open about his friends, had always regaled his audience with tales of his travels, had always acknowledged any drama he was dragged into.

Phil sighed, resigning himself to the fact that he was definitely going to have to do something publically. “Fine, you’re right. What do you have in mind?”

“The sooner you respond, the better,” Marianne answered immediately, sounding like she’d already thought this through — and she probably had. Unlike Phil, she’d known about this for almost the whole day, not a handful of minutes. “I think you should move your liveshow up to tonight. You should probably start by saying that you’re in New York with Dan, even though that’s well obvious at this point.”

Phil huffed a laugh, but Marianne continued without pausing.

“You can let the picture come up naturally — I’m sure plenty of people will be asking about it. Don’t just answer the first one on a whim though, wait until you find one that you feel comfortable answering. One you think can be a good opening to the topic. And then you can tell your version of the story.”

“Okay,” Phil said slowly, his mind already fast-forwarding to the liveshow, spinning the story different ways and imagining how his audience might respond. Sighing, Phil asked the question he knew Marianne would answer anyway, but that he just wanted out of the way at this point. “I know you have an opinion about what I should say, so let’s hear it,” he mumbled, resigned. At this point, he had no idea what he should do, and he was open to just about any suggestion.

“Of course I do,” Marianne said. Phil bit his lip, waiting with bated breath to hear her assessment. “But,” she continued after a second’s pause, “this isn’t just about your career, it’s your life. And it’s Dan’s life, too. Whatever you say, it needs to be what’s right for the both of you, and I can’t answer that.”

“I — yeah. You’re right. Thanks,” Phil said gratefully before running through the logistics of the liveshow. One of his favorite parts about working with Marianne was that she wasn’t overly controlling, especially when it came to stuff that would actually impact Phil’s personal life.

“So…” Marianne broached tentatively. “Do you think you know what you want to do?”

Phil cast his gaze about the room, his eyes catching on movement from the hallway; the bathroom door was opening and Dan stepped out, one hand aggravatedly rubbing down his face.

“Not yet, Marianne,” Phil answered, his eyes trained on Dan. “I’ll figure it out before I go live tonight, though.”

“Sounds good,” she agreed politely. There was a brief pause before, “Phil?”

“Mmm?” Phil hummed in response, thrown off by the uncharacteristically tentative tone.

Marianne took a deep breath. “Do whatever you think is best,” she said, strong and sure. “You have my full support.”

“Thanks,” Phil murmured, taken aback by the sincerity of the moment — he always had known Marianne cared for him, she’d been his manager for years after all, but their relationship was always based on business. They weren’t like Dan and Louise, they weren’t friends first and professionals second.

The unconditional support, while perhaps surprising, was certainly welcomed.

“I’ll let you know what we decide,” Phil promised softly. After saying goodbye, he hung up and turned to Dan, who was already off the phone with Louise and hovering near the entrance to the bedroom.

Phil tapped his phone against his thigh, his nervous energy needing some outlet. He glanced down and saw that the screen had gone back to the last thing he was looking at before the call came through — twitter. “So Marianne wants me to—”

“Do your liveshow tonight,” Dan finished for him swiftly. He moved further into the room, sitting back on his side of the bed. “Yeah, I gathered.”

Turning his attention to his phone, Phil navigated back to his profile. He clicked on the picture and gave it a good, long stare, trying trying to analyze it objectively. Trying to see it through his audience’s eyes.

Trying to decipher his own feelings about it.

“What do I say?” Phil asked, holding his breath. His own indecisiveness aside, he needed to know where Dan’s mind was at. Phil knew Dan hadn’t wanted to get into the specifics with their audiences, but, well, things had clearly changed. And now, Phil had no idea what to expect — he wasn’t sure if Dan would want to hold onto that shred of deniability, or if Dan’s newly-loud bi-pride would mean he’d want to fully embrace the implications of the picture.

At this point, Phil wasn’t even sure how he wanted to handle the picture. Objectively, he knew the most on brand way spin it: find the most platonic, innocent angle and double down, deny any sexual or romantic implications. He didn’t need to say it out loud, didn’t need to hear Marianne say it, to know it was the most AmazingPhil reaction he could muster up.

But even as he played out the fabricated story in his head, he was pretty sure he hated it.

Phil glanced up at Dan, waiting with bated breath for his reaction. For several seconds, the world was silent; it was just Dan biting his bottom lip, his eyes trained on the photo on Phil’s screen, and his face betraying absolutely no indication of what was going through his mind. Finally, his gaze flitted back up to Phil, his eyes clouded and unclear. “That I was drunk and cold and you were taking me back.”

Phil quirked an eyebrow, a million follow-up questions immediately badgering his mind — the same follow up questions that everyone would have. Where were they before? What had they been doing that got Dan drunk? Were other people with them? Was Phil drunk, too? Had this happened before? Were they going back to the same room? Was Dan this touchy with everyone when he was drunk, or was that just Phil?

Dan shrugged but didn’t avert his gaze. “That’s enough of an answer. If people want to assume that back meant to a shared room, fine. If they assume it’s to a different room in the same hotel, fine.”

“Mmm,” Phil hummed noncommittally, just enough to show Dan he was listening.

Dan’s eyes shifted to the desk, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. Phil had known Dan long enough to recognize his thinking face, so he waited, swallowing back all the questions he was tempted to ask. Finally, Dan continued, once again meeting Phil’s gaze, a spark of resolution in his eyes. “I don’t want to lie,” he said firmly. “But also, the past few days have been… a lot. Significant. I wanted to… let them stand alone. And my relationships — I’ve always tried to keep my personal life private, but I also haven’t exactly ever been forced to ever own up or deny them.”

Phil nodded slowly. “That’s fair,” he agreed, his words like molasses. He understood Dan’s points, he really did. He was so, so thrilled that Dan didn’t want to hide this relationship — a distinct change from the relationships Dan had described having with other boys (and most girls, for that matter). Nervously, Phil cocked his head. “And, hypothetically, what if I’m forced to confirm or deny?”

It was an entirely unnecessary question, really. Phil was planning to do a liveshow — the audience was always entirely separated from him, there was never a way for them to know for certain which questions Phil had and had not seen. Unless literally every single question was about Dan, Phil’s hand wouldn’t be forced.

But still… Phil wanted to know. He needed to know where Dan stood, where his mind was at right now. So Phil stared at Dan curiously, brow cocked and head tilted, until Dan finally responded.

Once again, Dan shrugged, but this time it wasn’t as… apathetic. This time, it was just… resigned, maybe? Phil couldn’t quite tell; he didn’t like not being able to read Dan’s body language.

“I’m not gonna dictate what you should and shouldn’t say to your audience,” Dan said, lips pursed. “If you feel backed into a corner, say whatever you want. I know you’re not gonna fuck me over.” Dan rubbed his hands over his face, nervous energy lacing the movement. He dropped his hands and looked back at Phil. “Like I said, I don’t wanna lie, but I also don’t wanna make you feel like you have to tell your audience anything in particular.”

“So just to be clear,” Phil started, a smile creeping onto his face and into his voice. “If — for some reason — I have to say yes or no, it’s okay if I say either?”

“Phil.” Dan’s voice was low and uncharacteristically sincere, his pupils blown wide, and his hand twitching like it was fighting back the urge to reach for Phil’s. “I’m having an amazing time with you and I’m...I’m in this... for the long haul,” Dan’s gaze flickered to the side, resting on his black notebook next to his leg. His words were slow and deliberate, like he was carefully selecting each one.

Phil couldn’t tune out the butterflies that were beating against his stomach, and could barely bite back an overly enthusiastic me too.

But Dan ploughed on before Phil could say anything, and maybe that was for the best. “I’m having trouble imagining a world where it’s not eventually completely obvious what you are to me, so...” Phil’s mind jumped to all the possible whys behind that statement; he couldn’t help it. Dan’s lyrics and album theme flashed through his mind, but so did Dan’s instagram posts and flirty tweets.

Dan’s eyes finally shifted back to Phil’s, determined, tenacious. “So I’d rather not lie,” Dan said, sure and confident. “If they know something for certain, I’d rather it be the truth. Because I don’t want to spend the rest of — of —”

Dan’s gaze dropped again, and Phil bit his lips, holding back a smile as he imagined what the rest of Dan’s sentence might be, what it might mean. Everything Dan had said today seemed half shared, just a small portion of what Dan seemed to want to say. Phil didn’t want to be overly presumptuous, to pretend he knew what Dan was thinking, but he felt confident in his guesses to the end of at least a few of Dan’s sentences.

Dan opened and closed his mouth, over and over, not speaking. Finally, he sighed, and Phil expected him to say something, anything, concrete — more because Dan was strong willed, and less because Phil couldn’t predict what he might be thinking. But instead, Dan rose up off the bed and headed for the bathroom, halting just before the door. Eyes trained on the floor, Dan muttered, “If you have to say something, say whatever you want — I trust you. I’d just prefer it to be the truth.

#phan #phanfiction #phanfic #slow burn #singer!dan #barista!phil #phan au #coffee shop au #au #ly #mine #iminclinedtowriting #love yourself

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comicteaparty · 5 years ago

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April 1st-April 7th, 2020 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from April 1st, 2020 to April 7th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

How do you feel about creators spoiling their own stories, and how does it effect how you read the comic?

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

As someone who's both reader & a creator, it can be really hard to restrain giving spoilers. But it could also be that they are excited to make this story and they wanna 'get to the spoilers' really soon. But if you are such creator, an idea is to find friends whom you can trust, don't mind giving critique/give spoilers to. As a reader it can be slight disappointment to learn about spoilers in a comic you were invested in and still reading. At this point, I might think, I'm going to get out of the conversation on the spoilers and wait until more content is made(edited)

DanitheCarutor

Being someone who was raised by a parent who wanted me to spoiler movies for them if I saw it first, I don't care about stories being spoiled for me. Experiencing the scene is usually very different than being told what it is, also once I get to that spoiled scene I've already forgotten about it thanks to my Quality short-term memory. Honestly, I would totally go all out spoiling my own comic, but I know most people hate that stuff so I don't out of respect. There have been a few times when I've talked about spoilery stuff not really knowing if it would be considered a spoiler, or because I'm talking about something else that is related and I have to spoil a bit for the topic.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Personally it depends on how plot heavy the spoiler is. If it's something like what food/clothing/interests the characters have, I don't mind so much. But if it's something like who is going to die, who falls in love with who....I think the experience would be slightly more diminished.

Like @Joichi [Hybrid Dolls] said, I usually share the spoilers only with close friends, particularly those who know how to give their input. It's important to get feedback, but choosing who you tell is very important.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I’m very protective of story details. I don’t want people to know any of what’s going to happen in my story. I like having secrets

I don’t really mind hearing spoilers myself much of the time because I mostly enjoy stories by looking at all the events in the story together. If I know all the events sooner that often lets me enjoy it sooner

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I usually don't care that much about spoilers, unless it's about character death or something. Usually, I try to avoid them like the plague, just in case, but I don't really care that much.(edited)

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Personally, on other people's comics, I usually only refer to what's in the comic proper. Not too fond of having to read supplemental material, like creator QA's.

I know they can be nice for some readers, but I genuinely don't like it when the knowledge established in a QA or so is assumed to be known in the comic proper without ever being mentioned there.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm having difficulty articulating my reasons, but for me, the creator spoiling things is different from a reader spoiling the same things. And reader-supplied spoilers can also be VERY different based on context and tone. I hate it when people spoil things for others out of malice (like when people were buying ad spaces, just after that one Harry Potter book came out, to broadcast [THIS IMPORTANT CHARACTER] DIES!!!!), even if I don't care about the work being spoiled.

Going back to creator-supplied spoilers........ it's something I can't relate to, as a creator myself? (Sharing spoilers in private is one thing, but if they're posting it in public...) This is going to sound negative and I apologize in advance. When I see a creator laying out the big spoilers in public, it makes me worry that maybe they prefer to talk instead of actually making the comic -- that maybe they won't make it to the ending. I'm happy to be proven wrong, of course. And there is no shame in dropping a comic before you get to the end (I've done that myself!). But yeah, public spoilers is one of those things that makes me worry.(edited)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

^My thoughts exactly. It worries me in exactly the same way.

Deo101 [Millennium]

when it comes to reading spoilers, Ive never really minded. Granted, I'd rather have spoilers more towards "what to expect" because I otherwise will get a lot of anxiety. A bit of the way in, I want to know if something is going to be worth my time to get invested into, or if I should ignore the stress and just be along for the ride. Being told things like "this is a tragedy and you shouldnt expect to have a happy ending" and "everything will work out in the end" really calms me down when I'm reading. Getting small spoilers about character things, inconsequential plot stuff, etc. don't really bother me at all, but yeah I'm with keiiii where if someone is sharing the ending of their story halfway through I worry theyre not interested in actually working to get there.

I'll personally share in small private settings whatever people want to know, but I refuse to in a public setting share what I'd consider to be a big spoiler. I'll share small character things or vague plans and some worldbuilding stuff, but I don't see those as spoilers really.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

The "what to expect" thing is a really great topic though. I would love to discuss it in depth in shop talk when the caffeine kicks in

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Ooh me too. I drop some future story features in my About page - very broadly. But it's more of a pitch than an outright spoiler. It requires some vagueness to be effective.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

@Deo101 [Millennium] Setting expectations correctly is very different from spoilers, I think, and more in direction of "what genre does that story fall under". Like a romance means happy (for now) ending for the main couple - even if you might end up disagreeing if an ending is happy.

It ain't a spoiler that a space opera has some kind of space travel, that kind of thing.

For me spoilers tend to cover plot specifics, not genre and general tone. That's setting expectations.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, but a lot of people really don't like to say that their story is gonna be a tragedy because they dont want to spoil that people are gonna die or whatever

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

That's... bad marketing.

Deo101 [Millennium]

it happens constantly

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I agree that a lot of times what creators share is basically bonus plot info, or extra details, or even warnings. I actually haven't really ever gotten a major spoiler from a creator.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Mind you, you can have people die without being a tradgedy, see the majority of epic fantasy.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

(On a side note, I have spoiled 100% of the plot of my comic to very specific close people in my life, but I don't know if that counts.)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't think there is a single person to whom I've spoiled 100% and I'm jelly of those of you who have Story Confidantes!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Honestly SOs and close siblings are a GODSEND

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm close with my bro, but he's not into the kind of stuff I write. (might be getting off topic?)

RebelVampire

Yeah I do want to remind again here this should be about experiences as a reader, not as a creator. And I know there can be a bit of bleed over, but there's a point where the focus changes too much.

RebelVampire

I think this depends on who it's being spoiled to. If creators want to spoil their stories to close personal friends in private convos, I think that's A-okay. Even as a writer I do that, because it's good to have people to bounce ideas off of. And I think for more creators it's the same. Also, sometimes you just want to have a fun chat to de-stress and it's easier with people who you can tell all your secrets too. If it's being spoiled to people who asked for spoilers, that's also another matter where I think it's mostly fine. In fact, depending on what's spoiled, it can really help drive engagement. For example, if a comic is "spoiling" lore that has a significant bearing on the plot without revealing the exact how of it all. However, then we come to the matter of major public spoilers, which there are tons and tons of creators who do this. On the one hand, that's the creator's right to do so, so a part of me feels like embracing the can't be helped mindset. But, if I'm being brutally honest, as a reader 90% of the time it just kills all engagement with the story for me. I mean, what's the point of reading the story if I can just find out everything in a fraction of the time? Plus, for me personally, I enjoy theorizing and trying to guess events, mysteries, etc. And if I'm being told the answers, that basically ruins like 80% of how I engage with content. I'm also confident I'm not the only reader who feels this way, so personally speaking I don't think it's a wise decision no matter how juicy or agonizing it is to hold in the spoiler.

Feather J. Fern

For me, spoilers don't mean much. I'm still going to read the comic regardless. Now I spoiling something is funnier, because it takes me forever to get to the section which I spoiled, so something I spoiled would take a year to get to, and then everyone forgot the spoiler anyways. XD

I have already spoiled endings to my friends about one of my comic projects, and three months in they are already like "I forgot about that." So maybe it's just my readers haha.

DanitheCarutor

@keii’ii (Heart of Keol) About the talking vs. finishing the comic thing. If I decided to spoil it would be because I was impatient to discuss. Like, right now I have the worst itch just to talk about the climax and ending to discuss all the little details, what I could do better next time, if I should put trigger warnings on specific chapters, and/or how my readers feel. Would it keep me from making it to the end? Nah, executing and seeing the results are not the same as describing them. The emotions a reader has can change vastly when they experience an event vs. read a description, it's not as fulfilling... or as painful. At least that is my perspective, neither I nor my readers would get the full experience from me describing a major event/ending. I don't know how it would be for other creators though. Lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, it's definitely a case by case thing.

DanitheCarutor

Pff yeah, I imagine some people are less anal about execution than I am.

eli [a winged tale]

Great discussions here! If I’m the reader, I’d prefer not to be spoiled and enjoy the story as is. It helps me as both a consumer and a creator to see how the plot twists are planted and revealed. As a beta reader, though, I would need to know the story to give suggestions on how to execute said spoilers but this is more of a creator-to-creator basis. I totally get the itch to share and I think having betareaders/comic confidantes are great for satisfying that need while getting constructive ways to evaluate them.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Agreed. I think having at least one person within your reader circle who is privy to deeper details can be very helpful, both for editing and for motivation Especially if there are story details that won't be shared for years. It's a good way to prevent 'leakage'

DanitheCarutor

I need to get myself a confidant, not only would it help the itch but talking about it would probably help me better fill in the small details. There was a rl friend I had who got too busy and lost interested, and someone online who I talked to about smaller stuff, but I don't like bothering people. Especially since my comic is sooo... my comic. Lmao!

Gosh, I would be the perfect person for someone to confide in about their comic, I would totally forget about the spoilers after waking up the next day.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Tbh I don't mind if a story is spoiled to me. I'm the type of person who is like "okay so that's how it ends? How does it get there?" and I would be more upset if the creator spills those important parts that reach the end result. Though, when explaining my comic plots and details to my irl friends and beta readers, it's more of a planning session than things said in stone. Basically if it's something that I've not written down and could be a spoiler, yet I talk about it and those spoiler squeals aren't in the final scripts though. If it's an important detail and is a spoiler, I will withhold that information till the time comes.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I don't know what I'd think because I've never seen a webcomic I liked share spoilers before. I get the feeling that a "serious" writer would keep their twists private because they know they can show their plot better than they can tell it, if that makes sense. Even Sfeer Theory, a comic I really like that iirc did much of its brainstorming online, shut down their old worldbuilding posts once they got their actual comic started.

varethane

Personally, I'm not hugely opposed to spoilers, though it depends on the context. A lot of new webcomics when they're just started out will often only be able to market themselves with illustrations of scenes or dynamics that haven't quite happened yet, just by virtue of being so early on, and that's fine-- though increasingly less necessary the more Comic is released. The only kind of spoiler I might be actively mad about is if a comic whose appeal hingest largely on a central mystery or suspense spoiled The Answer, but I feel like most of the writers creating stories like that are conscious of this and keep that sort of thing under lock. There's also a big reason why I personally try not to share spoilers (and why I try not to put much stock by any spoilers I see posted by other webcomic creators, in case their process is like mine)-- which is that, basically anything that is more than a month ahead of the pages I've already drawn, is very likely to change substantially. I rewrite future plot points all the dang time. So if I shared something as a 'spoiler', there's only a 50/50 chance of that plot point actually coming to pass (unless it's one of the 4/5 big central plot linchpins); any readers waiting for it may come away disappointed, lol.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Def agree with Vare on this one. However, sometimes when a writer tells details to the point of no surprise in the comic whatsoever, that usually breaks immersion and interest for me. I've had a couple stories stagnate from having their plots revealed by the writer, and when the story hinges on that being a selling point, it tends to be very dissapointing to have done. Unless the story is character driven/ has characters charming enough to capture readers, i would def avoid spoiling the main plot points of the story if they can

eli [a winged tale]

I feel like anything in act 1 is technically not a spoiler since in books, the blurb encompasses act 1 even the beginning of act 2.

RebelVampire

Once again I'm popping in here to remind people this chat is primarily to talk about experiences as a reader, not as a creator. So let's not go too far into creator territory here.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

It's hard to say how I'd feel because I don't really see writers post, like "X dies in the end" or whatever. Like it's not that common an occurrence, at least for comics I follow. What is common in my experience is creators posting ship art for characters that haven't shown up yet (thus spoiling that these are characters who will show up at some point, and at least have some interaction with each other). And with regards to that... I dunno. Like, my mentality as a reader/watcher of things is that a character doesn't "exist" until I see them in the story. Like, if I see a character in an anime OP, I'll be like "oh that character looks cool, I can't wait until I meet them". That is, I don't consider myself as having "met" them yet - I need the story as context. (for the record, that's true for me as a creator too - i know plenty of creators figure out their OCs' personality & backstory first before figuring out what sort of story they work in, and that's valid, but I can't imagine working like that) So anyway, to me creators posting OC art before they appear in the story is less "oh, i've been spoiled on what these OCs will do" and more "oh, i can't wait to read the story that these characters are involved in"

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #reader favorites #comic tea party #ctp

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fantroll-purgatory · 6 years ago

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Haemir Elazra - Doctroll Extraordinaire

Planet: Alternia, minor AU/Alternate History elements

Name: Haemir Elazra Haemir: From Haem, an alternative spelling of Heme, the oxygen-carrying, iron-containing molecule in blood. Links up to his blood caste woes and his lusus.

Elazra: From Azrael, Angel of Death, and Lazarus, the man brought back to life. It fits in with his role as a healer on a planet of death and slaughter, and also to his status as the last living limeblood. An Angel of Death is also a specific kind of serial killer; a nurse that kills their own patients. Fun fact! @chaoticevilfantrolls (SA here to say that you have designed a troll that 400000% appeals to my interests. I screamed when I opened the box and saw him here!)

Age: 7.5 sweeps. He’s a youngster, compared to my other trolls.

Strife Specibus: caneKind. Not much reason behind it beyond the fact that actual IRL plague doctors would use canes to distribute treatment. Plus the Rod of Asclepius could reasonably fit under this strife spec. (If you wanted to go a bit more Black Death with it, you could weaponize some herbal medicine for poisons? Fight with some syringes?)

Fetch Modus: Quarantine. Items are stored and sterilized in little plastic bubbles. It makes cleaning his equipment a breeze! But, he can’t store anything he intends to eat, and living things have a habit of turning up dead from the storage process.

Blood color: Limeblood! The whole concept of the character revolves around a mysterious figure with strong empathy becoming a doctor to soothe the woes of others, so I figured a lone limeblood would work. He’s based heavily around the headcanon that limebloods were killed off for their empathic abilities, which lead to a rebellion in this particular setting. (We LOVE an Empath Limeblood. I have not reviewed your other trolls, so I don’t wanna poke too much into Limeblood Politics without knowing the AU, but if they’re still in hiding, I’d suggest on blood-color alone a little bit of generational trauma? A little skittishness from Literally Feeling all of the death and pain his people have gone through, and the Knowledge that that kind of feeling comes with.)

Symbol and meaning: The alchemic symbol for Alkali. Alkali are chemically basic substances used to make soap. That’s about as far as that goes for depth, haha. (Soap Troll! Soap Troll! Soap Troll!) (There’s a whole suite of Alchemic Symbols out there, but if we’re zooming in on a Soap Troll, I think this dovetails into some expansion. Let me explain:) (Soap’s a cleansing agent, both of wounds and of places. Most alkaline substances (think Lye and Quicklime) wash things away with ferocity, and can burn skin. I think you could easily expand Haemir -who already has a darker, death element to him- with a bit of vengeance? A bit of anger? Something sincere and hard to excise from himself. Someone who, at his core, wants to wash away the sins of the past and plant the seeds of tomorrow.)

Trolltag: caduceusCreed [CC] Caduceus: The staff carried by Hermes, associated with the medical profession through it’s adoption as a symbol of American military medics. The Caduceus was mistakenly chosen over the Rod of Asclepius, and thus has become a bit of a point of contention in the medical professions (for those that even give a shit, at least.) Creed: Well. I mean. Kind of a reference to the Hippocratic Oath, just in a way that fits GCAT, out of personal preference. (Basic, easy to scan, and effective. I think you could use Asclepion instead of Cadecus for a more fitting tag, though using old Traveler Man’s symbol could hint at a desire to travel, to tell, to proclaim.)

Quirk: He’s got a simple quirk going. All lowercase, with t’s turned into crosses and doubled, as well as doubled x’s to represent stitches. He otherwise uses proper punctuation, and he really capitalizes on his corny jokes to ease the stress of his patients (putting the pun in all caps). He represents his mask in his smiley faces. Which is to say, he only ever uses one smiley for all emotions ever. 8>

CC: ++he quick brown foxx jumped over ++he lazy dog. (This scans well and doesn’t seem too out of place.)

Special Abilities:Beyond having an extensive knowledge of medical practice, as well as some more traditional healing, Haemir’s most fundamental ability is that he’s a powerful empath. He’s not able to impact the emotions of others, nor can he weaponize the feelings he picks up upon. No, the danger of his power is from how it encourages him to help and heal.

Haemir is able to pick up on the emotions and feelings of near-by trolls, especially discomfort and misery. Because he’s a bit of a soft boy, and because he personally feels that discomfort himself, he feels compelled to treat that discomfort in any way he can. He’s been a doctor as much as he’s been a stand-in moirail. (I think my conflict with your vision from a review standpoint comes here. Nothing about the ability needs to change, but I think you’ve let it dominate your character’s Path, put a pin in this- we’ll talk about it further into the review.)

Lusus: You know the big snake monster from Hiveswap? The one with like, sixteen arms? Imagine that, but a horse-sized white leech with massive fangs. That’s the Leech-Lord, and Haemir’s main mode of transportation. (I find this ESPECIALLY amusing because both of my limeblood trolls have serpentine-modified lusii. Limebloods really just have that Slithery Energies.)

Personality: Haemir is… odd, and by most trolls standards an aberration. He’s a limeblood empath on a hostile world with a strong inclination to help people, even when he knows there’s no reward in it for him. This doesn’t mean he’s a fool, by any means, even if other trolls tend to confuse his compassion and conviction for cowardice.

He believes strongly in everyone’s right to live, and live well, even if another troll would see him dead for his blood color. That’s why he dresses in heavy clothes, wearing a mask at all times to hide any hint of skin or mark that could potentially betray his color. He also tends to be very flighty and anxious when people attempt to get too touchy with him, often prompting adorable squeaks of frustration. He’s perfectly capable of speech, mind, he just chooses not to most of the time. (We’re getting into it! There’s a nice undercurrent of justice, of human(troll) rights, of life and death and the societies we build to combat them. Being shaped by the society he lives in and yet wanting to change it, ignoring what’s laid before him to forge his own path…)

Interests: Medicine, biology, anatomy and physiology, and surprisingly enough, an appreciation for teen romance novels and movies. He just wishes there were less books about rainbow drinkers and lycanthropes and more about those hot, hot plague doctors. (Hshshshshshshsh I want him to have gotten into the Plague Doctor getup due to some ill-advised CW Show about Troll Black Death and he was like “that’s it! I’m gonna dress like a featherbeast!”)

(For expansions on this: I definitely think History is a solid interest, given that he dresses up like a historical profession. Reading about the Limeblood Rebellion and the flow of Alternia- he’s probably done a lot of reading on the Condesce as well- learning how to Speak Truth to Power and how a Ruler shapes the lives of people she’ll never meet and- I could be here all day.)

Title: Sylph of Heart (I will be blunt with you: This character is neither of these things. Remember my comment under Special Powers? Here’s where we take that pin out.) (You’ve built an incredibly solid character here, which makes pointing this out very, very easy. I scanned this profile once and knew immediately what I was going to recommend.) (Let’s talk about why this is ill fitting: -First, this character is no Passive character. He already has the team/community focus that a Passive class would teach him, and given that- he’s taken matters into his own hands. This is a really solid Active player. -With Creation classes (and Sylphs ESPECIALLY), you have to think: What is this character destroying? A Sylph is but a Prince reflected. With Heart, your character would be Actively Destroying Mind- breaking people’s brains and toying with their emotions. Your character FEELS their emotions biologically, he doesn’t go out of his way to take hammers to their decision making. Sylphs also LOVE to meddle, which is why healing comes naturally to them. Your character has elements of this, but not in quite the sly, background kind of way.) (Heart, is traditionally linked to Derse (similar to Time) because it’s portfolio of disguise, facade, and truth being mutable all lend themselves very well to the Dersite playstyle. Your character, while hiding his face, doesn’t deal in facades as much as your typical Heart player, nor does his path as a character seem to fortell him learning to be different people or play with their heartstrings.) (My recommendation: Maid of Life or Bard of Doom) (But SA! A doctor that’s a Life player? That’s so cliche! And yes, it would be, on a character without as many hooks as this one.) (Maids learn to rely on themselves- look at Aradia, who dies and comes back in many forms as she takes time into herself. Your character looks like a Doom Player, and yet is a healer, and grower, a shaper.) (The Life-Doom inversion is much more than Life and Death, it is also Energy and Society. Your character is a healer, an active bringer of Life, and in doing so, not only directly counters Death, but Alternian Culture too. Your character isn’t a Prince of Doom, for instance: he’s not actively challenging society, he’s changing it as a side effect of his own actions. Life-Doom is much broader than individuals.) (The Path for this character is less in changing as a person and more in reinforcing his good nature. Learning to be more open, learning what needs to be done, learning how he can be the force of good in the world that he’s already being, even if it feels small.)

Land:Land of Miasma and Malaise

Dream Planet: Prospit (I like this guy as a Prospit Dreamer. Even if he hides his face, he can’t really hide who he is- that sense of care and justice end empathy shines right on through.)

CD here with the design time at SA’s behest. The design was already pretty much perfect, just a few little tweaks. The design read a little costumey/like a human dressed up as a troll and I wanted to fix that. So as Really, Really Cute as the eyes were, I replaced them w/ more typical shiny plague doctor lenses in a still contrasty eyeball orange. I put some hair over the horns to make them feel more integrated and less tacked on, and I adjusted the outlines of the shoes to make them feel more integrated and less like the human kids’ shoes!

(This was a great troll to work through, thank you for submitting!)

#limeblood #submission #sa review #Haemir Elazra #haemir #elazra #review

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aquarianlights · 5 years ago

Text

Life is great, guys. :) (It really does get better.)

So I just wanted to talk about this for a minute coz for those of you who don’t know, this blog isn’t like an aesthetic blog or whatever; it’s a personal blog. I’m usually flooding it with verbose text posts, vlogs, selfies and whatnot. I haven’t been able to do that since finally pursuing my passion of medicine because the field is all-consuming. But I’m back for like another week or so, kind of. Lol. I’m going to be writing up an update on what’s going on and why I disappeared for so long and all that because I’m doing some REALLY COOL STUFF! :D And I’m excited to share it with everyone! :) I really missed you guys and I missed my blog. I may not get that text post up tonight, but here’s this one. Lol.

I know I have said I beat my depression before, but even now as I have slipped back into a depressive state and even seriously had points where I considered suicide, life is still really great. I even had a night where I relapsed for the first time in 2 years and gave myself exactly 3 cuts and had pills laid out ready to OD and you know what? The decision to text my next door neighbour (who is turning into a good friend) to come over and chat instead of going any further with all of that was SUCH an easy decision to make.

You all know how impulsive I am. I’m on the extreme end of the borderline personality disorder spectrum. I’m as impulsive as they come. Even as depressed as I can get sometimes, overall, I’m still happy. And I want to illustrate how that can be so that everyone with depression can understand exactly HOW it gets better and what you have to look forward to in life.

There was a time when I was having a total breakdown on my closet floor. Like, panic attack and all. Couldn’t breathe, felt like I was legitimately going to die, had my phone on 911 with my thumb over dial because I really did feel like I was dying from the panic attack. As I laid there, sobbing and gasping for air, torn between “I wish I would just die” and “I should call 911 coz I feel like I’m dying”, my panic attack began to subside. As it did, I laid there sobbing unable to get up, unable to even move. But what was the very first thing my mind thought at that moment as my mind began to clear? Normally, I would think “God, I just want to die” or maybe thinking of ways to kill myself or ways to justify killing myself. But no. I didn’t. The very first thing I thought was “Wow, I’m so glad I’m alive. My life is the best it has ever been, it is so wonderful and I am so happy. I wouldn’t want to lose it.”

In that moment, after a horrible breakdown, all I could think about was how happy I was and how great my life was.

And even now, despite me being more depressed and suicidal than I have been in 2, maybe even 3 years now, I feel more motivated, driven, content, in control of my own destiny, powerful and like I really enjoy the life I’m waking up into than I ever have in my entire life. For once, I don’t mind waking up into *my* life. Sure, I would change it in a fucking heartbeat if I could. I think everyone has at least one thing about their life they would change. But I’m now one of those people that wakes up and feels motivated and excited to take on the day more often than not, instead of waking up with pain and this unbearable weight holding you down in bed not allowing you to even get up. I’m no longer that person that wakes up and just instantly bursts into tears and does everything in their power to go back to sleep. Those days are finally over for me... I dare say for good.

I don’t know what I did to deserve being happy. . . but I’ve worked so goddamn hard to get to this point. I’ve taken all the right steps over all these years and I guess it has all paid off. I’ve gone through a decade worth of finding the right combination of medications. I’ve finally found the right psychiatrist/psychologist team for med management and therapy. I’m exercising every day, I’m starting to do a bit of yoga, I’m trying to eat right and *trying* to learn to cook (even though it isn’t going well lol), I’m not starving myself anymore, I’m going to physical therapy once a week, I’m keeping myself busy, I’m exercising my mind constantly, I’m doing all the “homework” my therapist sends me home with every week...

After ALL the trial and error of sorting through therapist after therapist... I FINALLY found which “kind” of therapists work for me and which don’t so I can INSTANTLY tell from almost the very first session now if they are going to work for me or not. If I can’t tell, then by the end of the month, I’ll know for sure. I know all the coping mechanisms in the book and I now utilize every one that works for me. And when my therapists ask me what I need from them, I know exactly what to tell them.

I have worked SO. GODDAMN. HARD. ...and it has paid off. It has FINALLY paid off.

I Pavloved my brain honestly. And it worked.

See, my VERY FIRST psychologist as an adult told me I had “Learned Helplessness”, which I did, due to my mother, who is still trying to inflict it on me. It had caused a *LOT* of my depression. This psych had suggested to me that I do corrected thinking, which I’m sure a lot of you are familiar with.

It’s where every time you have a negative/bad/degrading/those kind of thought(s), you *immediately* correct it in your mind and if possible aloud, as well. I thought that was stupid back when I was 18. I thought everything was stupid back then. That psych tried so hard with me and kept me for a year before she finally had to discharge me for noncompliance after I refused to speak for like.... 10 sessions. Idk why she tried so hard for so long, honestly.

Fast forward like... at least 5(?) years from that time.

I was living with my parents after one of those many traumatic break ups I had. Idr which one. But it was one that reminded me of my learned helplessness. And I was in with a new psychologist and they told me the same thing and I was like “oh”. So I started doing it.

Fast forward like a year later. It’s now a habit. I’m now doing it subconsciously without me even realizing it. But the bad thoughts are still the primary thought and I’m still having to correct myself. It’s just that I’m not consciously doing the correcting anymore.

Fast forward to that moment in the closet. That was the first time I realized that my negative thoughts are no longer the primary thoughts anymore. The corrected thoughts are now the primary thoughts. Those were things that I had been telling myself over and over to try to convince myself to believe it. “Fake it till you make it.” My psychs had always told me “even if it isn’t true, if you tell it to yourself enough times, you can make yourself believe it”. Now, studying medicine, I know why. It all makes sense now. Conditioning is so real. And it works. It changed the entire way I think and go about life. My outlook on just about everything has totally changed and the way I do things has just flipped. Things that would have sent me to a psych ward for a suicide attempt in the past in like 0.2 seconds are now motivators for success for me and give me reason to keep doing what I love. It’s unreal what positive conditioning can do if you just change your entire outlook by devote yourself to correcting all your negative thinking every single time until your brain starts doing it on its own.

I’m going to buy a clicker that they use on dogs and click it every time I feel motivated because that’s something I still sometimes struggle with more than happiness and I need motivation more than I need happiness, honestly. (I had to pick one or the other; Can’t pick both, you have to focus in on just one when doing this.) So I’m trying to sort of...bottle motivation, if you will. If I can just click it every time I feel a rush of motivation, which is at random throughout the day multiple times a day, in about a year or two time (I hope, maybe longer), I’ll be able to click it and get a rush of motivation from the sound. :)

ANYWAYS.

I know I post a lot about my journey with mental illness, so I just wanted to let you guys know that, uh... it hasn’t changed. My “it gets better” posts are still happening. It did get better. It stayed better. Just because I feel suicidal or depressed sometimes doesn’t mean it isn’t better anymore. It is still very much better and I am still very much as happy as can be. I am allowed to feel suicidal and depressed within my bubble of overall happiness. That’s what a lifetime of major depressive disorder and suicidal ideation can do to someone. I still feel like I beat depression even though it is a bit more prevalent in my life now than it has been in a long time. I feel I beat it because I can deal with it so much better than I ever have been able to do before. It’s so much more than sadness, but it’s not something that is going to ruin me and kill me like I was in danger of prior to this transformation, if that makes sense. I’ll kill it before it kills me.

So.

I’m going to write up that update post on what is going on in my life. Why I just disappeared off the face of the planet all last month and a little before that and a little after and so on and so forth. I’M DOING SOME REALLY COOL THINGS, YOU GUYS, AND I’M SO EXCITED FOR THE COMING FALL SEMESTER!!!!!! :D

Be sure to read that whenever I get it posted up! ...maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow. Idk. Probably tomorrow, honestly. [shruggy emoji] I’ve got a lot going on right now, but everything is so much slower paced than I’m accustomed to at this point so I feel like I have so much free time. Haha.

Anywayyyyys...

It gets so much better, you guys. Just hold on till it does. And if you ever need anyone to vent to, just hop on in my inbox. Anon is always on! I don’t wanna lie, but chances are, I probably won’t answer you for like... weeks to months at a time to be totally honest coz I’m hella busy, but know I’ll read them! I always do. :)

-KQR

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numbur129 · 6 years ago

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Hey there boys, girls, mutants, martians, monsters, monkeys who've advanced to shaving their body's, and occasionally smoking a cigar. And lastly, but not leastly (And it's funny, cuz they are short nd stupid!!) "The self proclaimed most magical of the freaked-up-fuck-faces Tour" MIDGETS MAC DADDY & DA GooooBLER!!! "LETS FUCKING HEAR IT FOR EM!!!" KABOOM!! "Hahaha.... Yeahhh!"

(A random selection of what most would call, "lame-ass" fire works began hissing, zooming away, popping off. Squealing guitar licks echoed off into the distances, whilst confetti fell freely from out the top the menacing skyscrapers above, and then quickly down to the bottom of an "overly-polished, brilliantly made elf-lookin boots of the pointed toe end persuasion", as if the fuck-add purposely looked like some strange mix between a gay leprechaun, and a violently-intoxicated pimp.

And like,honestly, twas abit obvious thuh'olde "Sun Bleached Tur'blumken" whood seent far from eh'z "D'eh-BuhstahhDazes." Though the tiny, little person was dressed impeccably, and had quite thee odd shape T'emm!?. He'd constantly be fucking smirkn to those around him, as if too stupid to realize he was way too flippin deep in, and had ta show off for just a wee bit longer. Then'd be recorded into the record books, for reasons I dont know of. One the weird-fuckers front golden teeths gleamed as the sudden change of lighting bent around his bulbous head. In one, overwhelmingly "gay", awkward, and un-planned, mess'ughz "jig" dance. He land atop his ol single knee, whilst simultaneously tipping his "stupid-fucking" hat, and puffing his dirty, drug crusted, wooden "J00B" brand, "Dooble-Tube!" He let out a uncomfortable giggle of sorts (as if in pain, perhaps out of breathe, or even just a series of grumbles, and tis burr'bn), then horked up a nice, fur-fuckled looger carelessly onto the nights then carpet covered dance floor. Then leaned back into a "hero like stance", then stood motionless, twisting the end of the other side dove-izz long white stache!

For reasons unknown to the me; "The Author" of said spoken story, has somehow unintentionally, spent the last 45 minutes of this on some weird-oh, nd his unbreakable-focus-like trance on this creepy, little old dude. And decide that, shit was now to change up, move round, and really start "fuckn about". Ta really get a sense of what it's like to initiate sex with an neighbors dog; as well as what it is to get right back inta that, Good ol Gangsta Bap. Sha- "Sell that, Flip this! Kill Cops, work tricks" shits f'all-the bitchasses, and the wheelchair trapped tard-asses egh-duhhh Werld! Suh grab glasses, and do a doo'ler, and t'all-duh too, every one-uh "Little Dee, 'N Uh-Stinky-Dink's" multiple MILLION-DALLOR-DEAL!!! MUH-FUKN, READY-KNO, THATS-FLIPPN-RIGHT, RAVING Fans. And once again, done a doodle dang-diddle-dooper. And has fucked the faces ugh many men, women, and other freak of nature wheww dont do it; "Fuck'd my baby's face!" LP, and the all too well known remix, "Uncle Daddy's Creepy Play Pen & The Funkie-Unkie Petting Zoo Bananzah!" Thaz right! Yall heard theh shit hear firsd, y'unn-grateful, dustiedup, dunger-dooz & dunger-duntz!!

So any-fucking-ways, "The fuck it is?!" Lol, word. Shit man... this past, ummm.. started after morning appointment, so 8am to.. what's its about to be? 3:38am?! Holy Mother of a Holy Father?! Darr't, darr't!! Haha, yeah! Honestly, that wasnt all that bad. Gotta say...

But I've recently come to the conclusion that I've really got to work on being a more truthful, helpful, and as knowledgeable a person inside-ugh-muh friend groups, as to the outside stranger. And all the caring family's, and other random gathering meat, bone, and the occasional positive "kitty-poster", frum time-duh, time!!

Word. To be honest, I've really got to just not fuckn lie to myself. Put myself down, really wanta start them out with those few first lil changes, choices, and ultimately improvements towards bettering the life around me, that I want. And tah make meaningful advancements in my current personal recovery program. Z'well as workn on, and becoming a completely content, productive member of the community we lives in. To work daily, towards a fulfilling place of residence; stabal positioning within the buisness feild of choice, and the hard-earn'd respect of others I'd goften to know, and eventually wholeheartedly, "really cared for" people, nd one day; maybe sooner then way, way muh'Fukhn away. And some day will actually be able to like the person I had fought to became.

A promise; To better my overall health; both physically, mentally, at someday in the future, "OMEGA-SPIRIT ENERGY VF."

Ughnd juz-wanna hangle out, and really getta Blubber-Vuk; not to those whom Weiner iz-ugh wigglin. But to the proud, and brave. The few, the reasonable.. "They"MAKE, AND STAY ugh-WIGGLIN THE WEENURD, AND NOTHING BUT THAT THERE WEEN!!!

...Hey, yeah it's really me. Lol, sorry bout that. If it was far from your norm; and this kinda just, HAPPENED TO YOU. Lol, seriously though. I've been working, writing currently. In my newest addition to my many ways of approach: I've started experimenting with "stream of conciousness" writing. Where you record your minds thoughts, and without any choice, second thought, er really anything other then the ability to open flood gates. I allow my mind to organically grow ideas, thoughts, things, and then let them out on there own and watch the streams mix, flood, destroy. Play with one another, create a new, and in the end; am left with.. ugh? Sheesh, who's really knows, ya know? Kinda attribute this overall vibe, strange choice of dream like situations, and the incorporation of weird-oh, "Alien-like" Pseudo-Town Drunkard. And really, if you havent noticed the influence yet, lol, maybe it's nothing alike. But would just like to shout out one of my all time favorite books, "Naked Lunch", and honestly, just kinda wanna leave this ever so strange complement here with it, "I love you. So dream-like. Surreal, yet disturbingly diffrent. Mr. William S. Burroughs: You really, truly are... a stranger lost within a strange land."

❤The Bizarre... & "BEYOND!"❤

☮❤😄☮❤😄☮❤😄

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literaphobe · 7 years ago

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I think of so many ideas to create my own writing about Jake and Amy while I'm commuting to my college. I've never written any thing till now. Last time I tried writing, I forgot so many things that I thought of them while commuting. But still I tried and ended up creating a terrible thing bc I got distracted and the story went completely on random lines. I want tips on how to create and set borderline and how to remain with same flow and consistency to write. I love your content on A03!!!

Okay if you keep forgetting your ideas I would suggest you start writing them down— HAHA JK I don’t really have time for that the only thing I wrote down stuff for is drama club AU and even for that I just wrote vague stuff I’m on Plan #5 for drama club AU now and even then I haven’t exactly referred to it much it’s just an outline to make sure I’m on track

What you need to ask yourself when you start a fic is “why am I writing this fic?” And I don’t mean that in a “oh I just want to bring joy to people and show my love for this pairing :’)” way no I mean “what exactly is the appeal of this idea? what particular angle to this fic makes it striking to me, so much so that it has to be written?”

E.g. if you’re writing a college AU, it can’t JUST be about a college AU. If you’re drawing from personal experiences or concepts inspired from your life, you need to extract what the core of the idea is and focus on it. Like, how exactly do jake and Amy meet? What’s so important about it? OR, if you’re starting the story after they meet, then what particular incident is driving this story?

Imma use drama club AU as a case study, because it’s the biggest fic I have and I threw everything into it. See, for drama club AU it starts many years after Jake and Amy have already met. The important event that jumpstarts this story is the fact that they have to kiss on stage (I mean… duh doi that’s the literal description of the fic). An important thing to note is how whatever element you’re introducing (character A meeting character B, character A and B experiencing something new) changes things, how the equation is altered etc etc, what new situations they’re put into because of this

Try to start NOT by planning the plot, but by planning big events or tiny moments that you know you just HAVE to include in the story. Like, let’s say you’re writing a fic where two actors have to kiss on stage, and because they’re so weirdly good the first time they try it they start making out on a regular basis, whilst pretending that they’re just practicing kissing. A big event could be “them getting caught during a kissing practice”, or “them kissing in a public place for X reason and getting their picture taken”

lmao look at me straight up talking about drama club AU whilst pretending I’m not talking about drama club AU ANYWAY, after you’ve come up with the core events of your story, what you have to do is figure out how they get from point A to point B, then C, D, E, and so on.

A problem you might run into when thinking of ideas is being too generic. It is really important to ensure that your story has a unique angle to it so you can generate a plot. I’m not saying that that’s the case for whatever ideas you’re having, but you need to focus on something specific, or you’ll find your cup running dry. Thrust your characters into specific situations if you wanna get anywhere.

Also, since you’ve mentioned that you keep getting distracted, I suppose you probably face a problem that plagues many writers: having idea A in mind but as you’re writing it it turns to B and that somehow messes things up? Or some other variation of that. Anyway, my suggestion is that when you sit down and start writing, you should always have an end in mind. I.e. “A will challenge B to an arm wrestling match and that’s the cliffhanger of this chapter!” When you write, constantly keep in mind that THAT is where you need them to end up. However, let’s say, you make a spur of the moment decision to have characters A and B to leave the bar they’re at and start dancing in the snow. “Oh no! Now they can’t arm wrestle! This is a travesty!” - this is a very strange example of what could happen when you write, I often call it “writing myself into a corner” which is probably a normal way to say that I don’t know why I put inverted commas around that

A better example of this is: let’s say, you have this really angsty thing planned for your characters. Let’s say it’s all going great and character A and character B are very much in love. But then character B gets spooked because of event C and decides to break up with A. This is supposed to start a lot of angst because character A still loves B and is completely heartbroken. Anyway, you’re trying to get A to hate B yet still succumb to physical pleasures with B. But then oops! You get an idea for a joke and you write it in. Suddenly, A is a lot more nice to B and they’re joking around a lot more than you INTENDED. You no longer feel in control, how can you do this angst stuff if they’re being so fluffy??????

Should you stop? Should you backspace everything? This all depends. You need to think of your priorities, for the tone of the story at that point in time of the plot. Sometimes, whatever you wrote on a whim is ACTUALLY what would happen and is more in character than what you planned. Other times, you jumped the gun, and it’s much too early for character A and B to be interacting like this.

If you’re really adamant that character A and B MUST go through a certain interaction in a certain manner, you could always repurpose it for a future chapter and tweak it. It’ll all work out in the end, but sometimes certain ideas just won’t work with a certain fic, and there’s nothing you can do except to write another fic lol

I don’t even know what I’m saying at this point, I think this is bad advice, but the best and most important advice I can give you is to READ, and keep writing. Literally!! Like don’t stop!! Once you start writing, you might start to get more observant regarding the way other authors structure their stories, the way they play out certain events. You’ll absorb different styles and create your own style the more you study and PRACTICE. Not everyone starts out the same. Some people are actually super good at writing from the moment they start, they get a fantastic idea early on and BOOM BOOM BOOM they’re just a fantastic writer after their very first attempt! Woo hoo! Sadly, that’s hardly the case. Most writers SUCK when they first start. I did!! I truly look at old words and feel the urge to THROW UP

I used to use ~ as an actual form of punctuation, okay??? That’s BAD, and yet there were still people that liked my writing. But even if people hate your writing, that’s no reason to give up. YOU’LL hate your writing, but you will get better I promise you!!! We all improve at different rates, and the only way to write good stories is to start by writing a few truly horrendous ones first.

You got this!!!!!!!!!!

#ask #and also #talk to your friends!!!#make friends #and then talk to them about what you have!!!#it’s miraculous how many things I came up with on the spot whilst telling someone about an AU #YOU GOT THIS #WE ALL #GOT #THIS #also #I feel like I just majorly spoiled drama club AU LMAO

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yoon-kooks · 8 years ago

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Hired by BigHit: Bittersweet- Part 8 [END]

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Summary: You’ve always had respect for Min Yoongi’s musical talent. As one of BigHit’s new producers, you now get to experience both the bitter and sweet sides of him.

Parts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // Epilogue (text)

“Are you sure you want to give up working on the track with Yoongi?” Bang PD raised his eyebrows.

You nodded. “Things just weren’t working out.”

“Actually, he came by a little earlier and told me the same thing.” You knew it. The feeling was mutual. But even though it was expected, it didn’t hurt any less.

“Well at any rate, please continue to work on the track individually, and we’ll choose the best out of all our options,” the CEO said before dismissing you.

As soon as you got out of Bang PD’s office, you groaned. Not only were you no longer working with Yoongi, but now you had to compete against him. Just great. Where was the silver lining?

The bus ride home felt exceptionally long. But nonetheless, you waited until you reached home before letting yourself think about the situation on a deeper level.

What could you have done differently? Maybe you shouldn’t have been so greedy. You were already lucky to be working with Yoongi so closely, and yet, you wanted even more. You had let yourself prioritize the boy over music, but it hadn’t paid off. If you had chosen to prioritize music over him, maybe you wouldn’t have felt this much regret. Because now it felt as though you had lost the boy you loved more than anything else.

So you cried.

You slipped yourself into your bed, hoping that sleep would make everything better. The only problem was you couldn’t fall asleep.

Buzz! You ignored your phone, and part of you hoped it wasn’t a message from Yoongi. Though a larger part of you wished it was.

Buzz! Buzzzzzzz! When hiding under the blankets didn’t protect you from the annoying sounds, you rolled over to check your phone.

2:03AM Taetae “Are you awake?”

2:13AM Taetae “Yoongi said you guys aren’t getting along anymore?”

2:14AM Taetae “Whatever he did, he didn’t mean it.”

2:14AM Taetae “He doesn’t act like it, but he’s a good guy.”

2:20AM Y/N “Haha don’t worry. I know Yoongi’s really sweet.”

2:20AM Y/N “Don’t tell him I said that~!”

2:21AM Taetae “I won’t.”

2:22AM Taetae “And work hard on getting your track approved by Bang PD.”

2:22AM Taetae “I’m rooting for you✌️”

2:23AM Taetae “Thanks! You’re the best❤️ ”

You smiled as you put your phone back down and fell asleep soon after.

The next morning, you woke up feeling refreshed. Your mind felt clear for the first time in a while. You had been thinking so much about Yoongi that you forgot how it felt to fully concentrate on other things. But you were finally ready to focus on your music.

When you got to your studio, you opened the track on your computer and continued to work. After taking into consideration everything Yoongi had taught you, you developed an idea of what you wanted the final product to sound like. If you could pull it off successfully, it would definitely scream Bangtan style.

By the time you looked at the clock, it was already late, but you felt motivated to keep working. You stretched your arms out before getting up to buy coffee.

“You’re still here?” Yoongi walked out from next door at the same time as you. It was your first time seeing him since you decided to split ways.

You nodded and yawned. “I’m just running out to get some coffee.”

“I’ll get it for you.” He spoke in such a gentle tone. “What do you want?”

“Yoongi, it’s okay…” you blushed. “I’ll go with you.”

“Stay here and take a break.”

“Okay… I’m treating you out next time though!”

“So what do you want?”

“Surprise me.”

“I’ll make sure it’s extra bitter then~”

“Thank you~” Honestly, you’d be happy with whatever coffee. Anything Yoongi did for you, you loved a lot.

You returned to your workspace and leaned your head against the desk. Maybe things would be okay between you and Yoongi. Maybe you’d be content with just being friends. You closed your eyes and decided to sleep just until he returned.

“Y/N.”

“Yoongi…” You moved only to turn your sleeping face away from him.

“Your coffee’s gonna get cold.”

“Then it’ll be iced coffee~”

“Do you want me to take you home?”

“No, I have to work on the track.”

“But you’re sleeping.”

“Am not~” You sat up and slapped your cheeks a few times to wake yourself up, but your eyes still wanted to close. You took a sip of the coffee.

“AAH it’s so bitter! Yoongi why??”

“I warned you, didn’t I?” Yoongi took a sip of his own coffee. “And it really woke you up.”

“I thought you were joking!!” you giggled.

“Here.” He took your coffee from you and placed his into your hand. “That one’s sweeter, I promise.”

“I don't trust you…”

“Okay fine.” He pulled out a couple of sugar packets from his jacket pocket.

“Sugar from Suga!” You laughed at your own joke and dumped the sugar into your coffee.

“Please don’t make that joke ever again.”

“If you don’t appreciate my humor, you’re not welcomed in my studio.”

“I don't like your studio anyway. It’s so empty and boring.” He shrugged with a smirk on his face and got up to leave.

“Why are you so mean~?” you pouted.

“I’m not mean. I’m a honey boy.” He walked out of your studio. “Good luck on your track.”

“You, too.”

A few days later, the track finally felt completed. You listened to it over and over again, checking for anything that didn’t sound right. And at some point, you had heard the track so many times that it just went in one ear and out the other. It would’ve been great to have Yoongi listen to it, but you just had to trust in what you had and roll with it.

You went over to Bang PD’s team and presented your track to them. Whatever the outcome, you knew you were satisfied with the final product. It was the first time you felt confident in you had produced. And if Yoongi’s version was chosen over yours, you’d be happy for him as well.

When the track ended, Bang PD nodded his head. “We’ll go with this one.”

You couldn’t believe him. “Wait, what about all the other submissions? And Yoongi’s…?”

“Yoongi already told me he wasn’t going to submit a track,” Bang PD explained. “Which is weird for him, since he’s never turned down an opportunity like that in the past.”

“Oh…”

“So congratulations~ We can talk later about the next steps, but for now, you should get some well-deserved rest.”

“Thank you so much!” You bowed deeply and ran back to your studio to celebrate.

For some reason, your studio looked different… smaller. A familiar upright piano was pushed against the wall that was once empty. And a cute Kumamon plushie stared down at you from the top of the piano. You couldn't stop yourself from smiling.

4:38PM Sugar Lover “Yoongi!!”

4:38PM Honey Boy “What?”

4:38PM Sugar Lover “Come to my studio! I wanna talk to you~”

4:39PM Honey Boy “Why do I have to go to you?”

4:39PM Sugar Lover “You know why!!”

4:40PM Sugar Lover “Just come!”

“What?” Yoongi walked into your studio and looked at the piano in amazement. “Wow, where’d you get this?”

“Stop pretending!” You motioned for him to sit next to you on the piano bench. “Are you seriously giving this to me?”

“This studio was too boring without it.”

“But it’s your piano…”

“It’s yours now.”

“But why?”

“I just wanted to give it to you.”

“Thanks…” It meant the world to you that he gave you something so precious to him. His first love.

“Your track was approved to be on the next Bangtan album, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah… but that’s only because you didn't submit anything!”

“I didn’t need to.” He looked at you. “You did well on your own.”

“I owe a lot to you, Yoongi.” You blushed when you looked back at him. “I always aspired to be a producer like you, and then I came here and learned so much.”

“I’m glad I could help.”

“But not only that, I’m also thankful for all your encouragement and support,” you said, “even after we decided to work separately.”

“You mean the coffee thing?”

“Yeah that and when you texted me from Taehyung’s phone that one night.”

“What.”

“You know what I mean~” You nudged Yoongi softly. “There’s an obvious difference between how you and Tae text, you know.”

“I’m not gonna admit or deny anything.”

“Don’t worry, I know you’re really sweet, Yoongi.” You smiled. “A honey boy.”

“You know, I’ve been thinking.”

“About what?”

“We make terrible co-producers, and we work much better separately.”

“Thanks, friend.

“But,” he paused. “I think it’s because being with you is too distracting.”

“Um, are you insulting or complimenting me right now?”

“Both,” he laughed.

“I take it back. You’re not a honey boy. You’re just mean.”

“But you still love me, don’t you?”

“Sometimes I wanna punch myself in the face for loving a meanie like you.” It felt good to finally say it out loud.

“Are you insulting or complimenting me right now?” he quoted you.

“Bo-”

Yoongi leaned in and cut you off with a kiss on your cheek. “I’ll just take it as a compliment.” You blinked at him in disbelief. Did Yoongi really just kiss you? Did Min Yoongi, the boy you had so much love and respect for, really just kiss you? You wanted to squeal, but you couldn’t let him know he was right.

“Usually, I’d freak out a lot more about that, but I’m so sleepy…” You stretched your arms out and wrapped them around Yoongi. “Can you get me some caffeine?”

Unsatisfied with the sleepy response, the boy gave you another kiss, only this time on the lips. After the initial shock, you kissed him back until he broke contact, leaving you wanting more. “You worked hard Y/N, but you owe me coffee, remember?”

Your eyes lit up with sparkles. “Ooh! Let’s have a coffee date right now~!”

“Okay but you’re paying.”

“Yay~!” You gave Yoongi a long, passionate kiss. That’s when you knew you had finally crossed the line from friends to lovers.

It truly was a bittersweet feeling. Working with the producer you respected so much didn’t exactly work out the way you had hoped, but during that time, your respect somehow became love. You had grown to love Yoongi, and finally, you were 100% confident he loved you too.

A/N: I feel like this was the first time I’ve ever wrote the ending to a story... so it was a bit awkward and abrupt lmaoooo. And ot but I love honey boy so much😢

I hope you guys enjoyed this series at least a little! ❤️❤️❤️

#suga #yoongi #bts #yoongi x reader #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts angst #yoongi fanfic #hired by bighit #bittersweet

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