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dollslayer · 3 years ago

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Charity Case

Bucky Barnes x Reader, College AU, enemies to lovers

Summary: You loathe Bucky Barnes and his cocky attitude but you find yourself doing him a favor. Is he really as insufferable as he seems?

W/C: 3,830

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, uhhh kissing, that's it!

A/N: Here it is! My entry for @sweeterthanthis Quote Me On It 6k challenge!! My quote was "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?" (in bold). I love the Heathers so I'm excited!! Hopefully I did this prompt justice. As always, if you liked it please reblog/comment! Cheers! I do not consent to my work being reposted/translated on any platform.

Main Masterlist

____

Steve was running late again. You try not to chew your nails off in frustration but he’s definitely testing you. This is the third time in the last two weeks that he’s late to meet you. When he hasn’t been late he’s cancelled all together. Always with a half-ass apology of ‘Bucky needs me’. As if.

You’ve been friends with Steve since your freshman year creative writing class when the only open seat was next to him. Ever since that first day you two had been close. But not as close as him and Bucky. Childhood friends attending university together, thicker than thieves.

You always felt like Bucky was maybe a little jealous of the friendship you and Steve have. Maybe you’re a little jealous too but you’re almost positive Bucky is more jealous of you than you are of him but that’s beside the point. On top of his jealousy Bucky was just annoying. He had a girlfriend but he was always flirting with every girl he met, yourself included. Not to mention he was cocky as all hell.

Steve vouches for his character, swears that it’s all an act and he’s actually very sensitive underneath but you don’t buy it for a second. If you were his girlfriend you’d have dumped him a long time ago.

You don’t have time to dwell on your annoyance too much because Steve is rushing through the doors of the coffee shop. He looks around for you and when he finally finds you the look on his face is relieved. As he gets closer it’s clear that he’d been running to get to you in time. He’s sweaty and a little out of breath and if you weren’t so annoyed with him you’d have found it endearing that he ran here.

“There you are,” he huffs out, “I’m so sorry, I was with Bucky and I lost track of time.”

You purse your lips and hand him a napkin which he takes with a gracious nod before wiping the sweat from his brow. You hand him the iced coffee you’d ordered for him too. The ice is slightly melted from sitting there but he looks so refreshed to be drinking it.

“Figures” is all you say with a huff. If he hadn’t been doing it so often you would’ve been a little kinder about it but you were just irked.

“Seriously, I’m sorry. Nat just dumped him, he's been having a hard time” Steve explained.

“Is it because he flirts with anything that moves?” You scoff.

Steve scoffs in return “He does not! He’s just… outgoing. But no, they had their own problems.” You raise one eyebrow at him. “Okay the flirting had something to do with it but there’s a lot going on there.”

“Whatever, let’s just study for this exam while we can”.

____

You and Steve spent the next two hours cramming for your midterm together. Things were going well and you’d nearly forgotten that you were mad at Steve in the first place. Nearly.

You were so deep into your notecards that you didn’t hear the door open behind you. A voice that could grate on only your nerves. A voice that if it didn’t belong to such a bastard, might even be kinda sexy. The voice breaks your focus completely when it calls out.

“Hey, Steve, are you done already or what? Oh hey, what’s up, beautiful?”

You set your notecards down on the table maybe a little harder than you should. You shoot Steve a glare because you thought it would just be the two of you. Really? You cut in before Steve can answer his friend.

“No, Bucky, he’s not. Can we help you?”

He smirks, giving you his full attention. He knows he has you now, knows you took the bait and he’s goaded you to the point of backtalk. He pulls up a chair to the table and wedges himself tightly between you and Steve. The sound of the chair legs scraping the floor as he scoots closer to you rings in your ears and makes you cringe. You look at Steve again only to find him avoiding your gaze.

“Well, sweetheart, me and Stevie boy here have plans later. Gonna do some gaming and order a pizza, really embracing the bachelor lifestyle.” He raised his eyebrows at this and you just rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, I heard Nat dumped your ass, actually, is that true?” You asked with a fake sweetness.

“Why, you interested?” He rebuffed.

You bristled at his quick response and muttered your annoyance under your breath. You chose not to respond. Instead you decided to address Steve.

“Steve, I didn’t realize that you had plans”

“Oh… yeah, loose plans…” He answered distractedly while pretending to be reading a text on his phone.

You decide to call it a day. You were getting seriously fed up with Steve’s passive behavior in all of this. Thankfully you didn’t have much to pack up, so once you slung your backpack over your shoulder you looked up at the pair to bid them goodnight.

“Well, Steve, this was… enlightening. Bucky, eat it. Goodnight fellas, have fun with your ‘bachelor lifestyle’” You said with air quotes. Turning on your heel you left before either could respond.

____

You had left the coffee shop that evening pretty upset with Steve. Of course it’s fine for him to have other friends but lately it was like he only cared about Bucky and all of your plans took a backseat to theirs. You decided you weren’t going to be the one to text Steve first, since he was being a bad friend. He could be the one to initiate plans.

He did just that when he caught you in the hallway after your midterm a week later. He jogged up to you once again and tugged on your sleeve to get you to stop.

“Hey, how do you think you did? Bet those notecards paid off, right?” He half-joked. He looked sheepish. Nervous almost. You figured it was because of what happened last time you met.

“Yeah, Jesus Christ! I’ve never been so grateful for little pieces of paper.” You scoffed. You decided to keep it light between you. You were still upset with him but his tone leads you to believe he was gonna apologize.

“Right?” He laughs nervously, “So listen, I know I’ve been kind of a jerk lately… Maybe we could get something to eat at Nick’s?”

Nick’s was the local greasy spoon on campus and they had the best breakfast food you’d ever had. You eyed him suspiciously but accepted.

“Alright, but you’re buying. And there better not be any visitors!” You add as you bound down the hall ahead of him. He knows you mean Bucky and he’s not worried because Bucky won’t be showing up today. He’s more nervous about what he has to ask you.

____

You’re sipping on pop as you play with your straw wrapper. You look up at Steve and notice he’s fidgeting a lot more than usual.

“What’s up? Why are you so twitchy?” You question him.

“Me? I’m not twitchy! I was just thinking that’s all” He quickly defends himself.

“Well that was the last midterm of the semester for both of us, I think it’s safe to say you can relax.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right.” Steve concedes quietly.

You and Steve eat in near silence, neither of you mind though because it’s comfortable. You worked on your hashbrowns when you looked up and noticed that Steve had barely touched his food. He was still fidgety, he looked nervous.

“Hey, you’ve hardly eaten anything, what’s the matter?”

He looks a little embarrassed, like he’s been caught. Or like he’s about to come clean about something.

“Look, I wanted to say sorry I know I haven’t been the best friend lately with everything going on with Bucky. He really is having a hard time since the breakup y’know… he’s lonely”

“Right” You laughed, “I’m sure he’s soo lonely.” You rolled your eyes and picked up your fork.

“No really, he just needed a friend to be there. I think he does need to get back out there though.”

“With how smooth he thinks he is, I'm sure he’ll have a date by the end of the night. I wouldn’t worry about it, Stevie.” You responded.

“I’m serious! As much of a player as he comes off he needs to be with someone he already knows. He’s actually really sensitive.” You interrupted with another laugh. There were many choice words you’d use to describe Bucky Barnes but ‘sensitive’ is not one of them.

“But anyway, I was...kinda hoping you’d do me a favor…” Steve trails off.

Based on the conversation you just had you’re cautious. You eye him warily but motion for him to continue.

“Well, like I said Buck’s having a hard time and he needs to get back out there but he doesn’t feel comfortable hooking up with a stranger. I was thinking maybe.. You guys should hang out?”

Steve refused to look at you as he finished the question. The look on your face was a look of confusion and shock.

“Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?” you asked in disbelief. “I mean seriously, I’m nice but not that nice.”

“Look-”

“No!” You cut him off, “You know I can’t stand that prick. Also why would I want to put myself on the long list of women he’s probably tried to fuck? I don’t buy this whole ‘sensitive’ thing for a minute.”

“I’m serious, Nat kinda crushed his heart when she left. He acts cocky but it’s a front. I just think he needs to see someone to get it out of his system. You’ve got more in common than you think. Just hang out with him once. Don’t think of it like a date, just a really really big favor. Please?” Steve begged.

You pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed. “You. Owe. Me. So. Much”

“Really?” He asked hopefully.

“Really. But I’m not gonna bang him. Hard no on that” you said.

“Yeah, yeah of course! No problem! I’ll give Bucky your number!” He reached across the table and grabbed your hand. His hands were kidna clammy but you let him.

“Seriously, thank you. I know you think he’s some jerk but I promise he’s a good guy.” Steve adds, “A-and don’t think of it as like a date, even, y'know? I think honestly he could just use another friend. Think of how good it could be if we could all hang together some time?”

You shook your head and chuckled at his optimism while you stabbed another bite of your meal.

____

‘What’s up, sweetface?’ Gross.

‘Okay, sorry. Hi, how are you?’ Better.

‘I’m alright, you?’

‘Good. Steve tells me you’re a huge trivia nerd. Wanna go to Sally’s tn?’

‘It’s a date’ Shit. Didn’t mean to say that. Fuck. Quick- say something that will deflect before he responds!

‘And since it’s a date you’re paying’ That’ll have to do.

‘Ugh fine. Here’s hoping you’re a cheap date at least. I’ll meet you there at 9’

____

What do you wear for a date with someone that you despise? It’s just bar trivia so it’s nothing special but somehow the jeans and flannel you’ve been wearing all day don’t feel like they make the cut. You rip your closet apart trying to find something before you settle on black skinny jeans and your favorite sweater with some boots. Casual but not too casual.

You spend the whole walk there dreading the night ahead of you. Knowing that you wouldn’t even have Steve as a buffer between you made the whole evening seem daunting. At least you had trivia to distract you. You decide to give Bucky the benefit of the doubt tonight for Steve’s sake. You try to remember Steve’s insistence that Bucky’s a good guy and you have a lot in common. We’ll see about that.

When you arrive at the bar you find Bucky already waiting for you at a high-top table with two PBRs and a shot of brown liquid. Please don’t let that be whiskey. He sees you coming and smiles that damn-his-good-looks smile at you while patting the open chair next to him. The closer you get you even see that he got the whiteboard already for trivia.

“Please tell me that’s not Jameson or Fireball” you greet him.

He laughs a little and shakes his head. “Better - it’s Jack. Sorry, doll, but I already opened the tab. This is what we’re drinking” He nudges one of the shots closer to you and motions for you to pick it up. “Come on, we gotta start the night off right, bottoms up!”

Before you can gag at the thought of drinking whiskey you grab the glass and face him. You both knock your shots on the table before clinking them together and swallowing them in one go. You grimace at the taste and feel the warmth flow all the way down your throat. You quickly take a sip of your beer to rid yourself of the taste.

“Aww, you’re cute when you’re grossed out.” Bucky coos at you.

You’re embarrassed and annoyed but it goes away quickly.

“Shut up, Barnes”

You give him a light shove and he pretends like he’s about to fall off his stool, making you laugh. For someone that’s only ever annoyed you he’s doing a pretty bang-up job of being likeable when it’s just the two of you.

“You ready for me to carry you through some trivia?” You joked.

“Hey, now! I know...stuff” he concluded.

“Mmhmmm, I’m sure you do. Don’t worry, I’ll answer the questions and you just sit there and look pretty” you reach over to pat his face lightly with a wink.

Bucky grumbles before taking another sip of his beer.

You settle in for a long night when the host announces the first round is starting.

____

You managed to steal the first round without breaking a sweat, second round was a little rocky until it came down to you and one other couple. You knew the third round would be tricky but the way Bucky was cheering you on you were determined. To no one’s surprise Bucky had been completely useless so far but to his credit he was trying. At least he was a supportive teammate.

Things were going well until the third round was announced: Old School Videogames. You didn’t know shit about old school videogames. Or regular videogames. The extent of your video game knowledge started and ended with Mario Kart.

When the third round was announced though Bucky hit the table in excitement and cheered.

“Woo! Fuck yeah!” He pats you on the shoulder, “I got this, don’t worry. I so fuckin’ got this!”

He was a few drinks deep but he was so confident and he was your only hope so you went with it. He looked like a little kid the way he was practically giddy.

“You had better! There’s some serious prize money riding on this round.” You said in warning.

“No, no. You don’t understand that I’ve GOT this. Your turn to look pretty, not that it’s gonna be all that hard for you, sweetface” Bucky grinned at you over his beer as he took another sip.

Your cheeks felt heated and you tried your best to hide it by taking another drink yourself. Bucky’s flirting has never worked until now. Must be the alcohol.

“Shut up, Barnes” you mumble.

“Y’keep saying that but what I really think you mean is ‘I love you, Bucky you’re so strong and handsome~’” He imitated in a high pitched feminine voice.

You shoved him for real and before you could say anything else the third round was starting.

____

Bucky wasn’t kidding when he said he had this. He had won the round in a clean sweep and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t impressed. Who knew this man harbored so much videogame trivia? When the host handed you the prize money he just waggled his eyebrows as if to say See?

“I gotta hand it to you, Barnes, I had no idea you had that much videgame wisdom rolling around up there. The only videogame I ever play is Mariokart so I’d be toast without you.”

“Mariokart? That’s it?? No problem, doll. It was nice to contribute.” He chuckles at that.

You divvied the money up and handed him his half.

“Guess I’m not such a cheap date afterall, huh?”

He chuckled as he took his half from you.

“I’m gonna go pay the tab with our winnings, I’ll be back”

You picked up your phone while you waited for him to find some missed texts from Steve.

‘How’s it going?’ ‘Are you guys doing okay?’ ‘I haven’t heard anything so I’m assuming you haven’t killed each other. Have fun, text if you need a ride home.’

You almost rolled your eyes at Steve’s insistence but found yourself smiling instead. You’d text him back when you got home.

Bucky was walking up to you once more and you smiled at him slightly.

“You said you’re good at Mariokart?”

“I didn’t say I was good at Mariokart, I said that I played it. Why?”

“Well I was thinkin’ maybe we could go back to mine and I could whoop your butt”

You weren’t going to say yes but now he was goading you and you took the bait without hesitation.

“Oh, you’re on, Barnes. You’re so, so on.”

His smile grew wider when he heard your response. With that he placed his hand on your lower back and ushered you out of the bar.

____

You played two tournament cups worth of Mariokart and Bucky had indeed whooped your butt. You don’t know why you were surprised, with how much gaming he and Steve do it’s no surprise he’s a natural. You still had fun though. Just when you were about to propose a third round Bucky got up and headed to the kitchen without a word.

He came back with two glasses of water and handed you one. He sat down on the floor next to you and you set down your controller.

“Here, drink up.”

You were taken aback a bit by the kind gesture but accepted the glass just the same.

“Thank you, I might regret saying this but, you’re not so bad when you’re not being insufferable, Barnes”. You told him

He smiled and shook his head as he drank his water.

“Thanks, I guess”

“How come you can’t be like this all the time? When it’s just the two of us you’re so kind and you’re even… I don’t know, funny maybe. Why do you get all cocky whenever else I see you?”

He looked down into his glass at your comment and you watched his brows crease in thought.

“I don’t know, it just sort of… happens, whenever I’m around other people I don’t know that well. I don’t mean to be a dick or anything but it’s like I can’t help myself. People expect me to be a certain way and I can’t help but fall into it sometimes. Nat hated that about me, it’s part of the reason why she dumped me, actually”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that. And I’m sorry about the breakup, too. I know you guys were together for a while.” Bucky only shrugged at this and downed the rest of his water.

“It is what it is. I’m ready to be over it, I’m getting there slowly but surely. I gotta say, you’re not so bad either when you’re not getting all defensive and in my face. You’re actually pretty funny”

Your turn to become flustered at a personal analysis.

“Thanks, I guess I don’t mean to be so defensive either, it's just my response to most other people. I feel myself slip into it and it can’t be helped.” You explained.

Bucky nods at you, not knowing entirely what to say in response.

“I like spending time with you” He says leaning closer to you.

You swallow thickly, not sure what to make of what you feel knowing his face is so close to yours.

“I… like spending time with you too. You’re not what I thought.”

“Me neither,” he shakes his head, “You’re something else.”

With that he leans his head closer to yours and you feel yourself close your eyes and move your lips to slant perfectly into his. You’re kissing Bucky Barnes. The Bucky Barnes you can’t stand. That Bucky Barnes. You’ve decided that his tongue feels too good in your mouth to care now.

His hands come to frame your face and bring you in closer. His hands are warm and calloused but they feel like comfort. You can’t help but to melt. You moan into his mouth and it seems to spur him on. He pulls you into his lap and you let out a noise of surprise that’s muffled by his mouth on yours.

Your hands come to caress his sides and you take your time feeling every muscle and ridge. Your hands idly make their way under the hem of his shirt and his skin is just as smooth as you’d expect. He sighs into your mouth and it takes all of your strength not to fall apart right there. You feel yourself getting lightheaded and have to pull away for air. When you do you rest your forehead against his and the only sound is both of your breathing.

You finally brave a look at him and he has the softest smile on his lips.

“Sorry, doll, didn’t mean to get so carried away but I’ve been waiting for a long time to do that.”

This catches you off guard.

“You have? Wait, did you like me? But you flirt with everyone!” You explain.

“With you, I flirt with you. You just can’t stand me” he laughs out, “Nat dumped me for a couple reasons but that’s one of them she told me I needed to get my priorities straight and I gotta say, I’m thankin’ her for sayin’ it ‘cause she was right.”

You don’t know what to say or what to make of any of this. All you know is that you want to kiss him again, so you do. You grab him by the collar and pull him into you again. He lets out a startled noise but kisses you back all the same.

You don’t care what you used to think of Bucky Barnes and you don’t care about what’ll happen after today. Right now all you care about is feeling him in sync with you for the first time. You could live in this moment forever but right now will have to do.

#quotemeonit6kchallenge #bucky barnes x reader #college AU #college!bucky x reader #marvel au #marvel fic #marvel one shot #bucky barnes imagine #enemies to lovers

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hotkoyo · 3 years ago

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SFW Howie Alphabet Headcanons

Author's Note: When will my husband come home from war?

Disclaimer: These headcanons are based on how I imagine Howie to be based on the game. You don't have to agree with what I say here as everyone is free to have their own ideas.

𝄥 𝄞 ── 𝄇

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

VERY affectionate. I honestly feel like he grew up surrounded with so much love and now he’s just overflowing with it. Howie is all about showing his love through warm hugs, having his arm around you, swinging your hands as you walk, head pats, you name it. Another one, in my opinion, is words of affirmation. He'd tell you how much you matter to him through words, like quoting lines from his favorite movies and saying "I love you" before you both go to sleep.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Affectionate. Lots of play fighting and cuddling during movie sessions. Singing to Disney songs at the top of your lungs. You guys make friendship bracelets for each other (and he never takes off his). Definitely one of those dudes who drive their best friend everywhere.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

If it’s not apparent already, this dude is a giant golden retriever and he lives for the cuddles. He is born to cuddle, baby. Due to his size, it’s natural that he ends up as a big spoon more often than not but he definitely loves the moments he gets to be the small spoon.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

So domestic, even when you guys just started dating. It’s easy to imagine yourself settling down with someone as warm and comforting as Howie. He would love to settle down and build a home with you and you guys love having conversations about your dream house and how your life would be like in five, ten years. He’s alright at cooking in general but can cook some amazing Chinese dishes that his mom taught him.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

It would be hard for him to get out of a relationship, to be completely honest. He’s one of those people who easily gets attachment issues and finds it hard to move on from a relationship. If he really has to be the one to end the relationship, he would want to talk it out with you and try to end your relationship on a good note. I feel like he’s one of those people who really values respect, even when things aren’t working out anymore between you two.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Howie is a hopeless romantic and while he does have his insecurities, I feel like he would really love to commit to someone. In terms of marriage, it really depends on you. I don’t think his career would hinder him much when it comes to popping the question, to be honest. If he feels like he’s comfortable enough with the relationship and sees that you are, too, I think he’d propose to you when he feels like the time is right.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Howie is a textbook example of a gentle giant. He knows he’s strong so physically, he knows when to hold back a bit. Emotionally, it’s canon that he’s a soft and caring boy through and through and he would never hurt you on purpose.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Ugh, he LOVES hugs. It’s canon that the Yan fam is really good with hugs so if you need a pick-me-up, he’s your man. Whenever you guys are alone, he acts like an overgrown koala because he can’t get enough of hugging you. If hot chocolate is a hug, it’s what Howie’s would feel like. Warm, familiar, and comforting.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He knows he loves you when he does but holds back a lot in fear of coming off too strong. If he feels that you feel the same, then he would say it pretty quickly into the relationship or during a spur of a moment. If it seems that you need more time, he would hold back just so that you wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He’s the type who’s less jealous and more insecure. His jealousy isn’t going to make him act rashly and put you on the spot. It’s slow and creeping and you might not notice at first because of how well he conceals it but it becomes apparent by the way he starts to act distant.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Warm and gentle. His kisses make you feel so safe and loved and he likes to take the time to show you how he feels through the gesture. He loves to kiss you everywhere but his favorite places to kiss you are your nose and temples.

Also, kiss him on the forehead and he’d melt into a puddle. Another one of his hotspots is at the back of his neck. Kiss him there and watch him sputter as he tries to gain back his bearings.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He loves kids, kids love him. He humors the kids a lot and is a great impersonator so prepare yourself for some improvised skits in front of the kiddos. Can’t say no to the kids, though, so you might have to step in from time to time. Kids treat him like a human jungle gym. Which he actually is.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

I definitely see him as a morning person. Also, he’s so fit that you can’t tell me he doesn’t workout every single morning. Probably goes on an early jog and is one of those people who seems so chipper even if it's only seven in the morning.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Have you seen actors with their stage makeup on? There’s no way Howie’s skin stays so smooth and supple without some form of skincare routine. Has his own skincare routine and loves doing it with you together in front of the mirror (while making faces at you). After a good skincare session, he'll sit on the couch or in bed with you cuddled up to him as he reads scripts from his new upcoming projects.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Depending on how much he trusts you, it could be sooner or later. The thing with him is that he keeps things bottled up to himself. It’s hard and it’s tiring and the moment he feels safe with you, the dam breaks and he starts to reveal things about himself.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

It’s definitely hard to annoy Howie and even harder to provoke him. He has the patience of a saint and unless something is very wrong, you can always find him just chillin lol.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’s quite sentimental so he definitely remembers your relationship milestones. He remembers a lot of small things about you; like how you like your cereal and your best friend’s name from high school. Some of the details can be fuzzy at times but he tries!

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Canonically: The moment you said yes when he asked to be your boyfriend at Luca’s "sister's wedding".

Headcanon: The time you both visited his family in Chicago for the holidays. You were walking home from dinner when the snowfall turned into a snowstorm. It was terribly cold and windy but you both kept on laughing at the situation and you looked so gorgeous with snow stuck to your hair under the waning streetlight that he didn’t even care that he's freezing his butt off.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Isn’t too protective in the traditional sense because he knows you can take care of yourself. More protective of how you feel because of his words and actions so he’s careful in what he says and how he says them because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Highkey loves to be protected tho. Thinks it's kinda hot.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Puts a lot of effort in his career, obviously. Howie is always so passionate and ambitious when it comes to being a top actor. Relationship-wise, he’s a simp. Dates are mostly casual with him but he puts extra time and effort in choosing or making gifts. All the extra and expensive bits goes into your anniversary dates.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

A lot of times, he leaves his wet, sweaty workout shirts at the corner of the room and somehow always forgets no matter how many times you’ve scolded him. Sometimes doesn’t close or tie snack packages properly so when it's your turn to eat them, they’re often stale. A terrible snorer when he’s had a long day on set.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Quite concerned. He likes to highlight the nice parts of his body through the clothes he choose to wear and tries to follow a healthy diet in general. He worked hard for his body and as much as embarrassing as it is to admit, he loves to show off and be admired for it (especially by you).

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

A strong believer that every person is complete and whole on their own. He believes that every person is their own and just because you love someone, it doesn't mean that your life must revolve around that person. Even so, he is a romantic. So even if he knows that he's complete without you, he does prefer to have you by his side.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He can play the piano really well. Aside from dance lessons, his parents put aside a lot of money to sign him up for piano classes when he was younger. Now, he plays them whenever he’s deep in thought and it’s always relaxing to hear him play.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

In general, Howie doesn’t like broccoli. Keep those away from him. Please. When it comes to partners, Howie stays away from people who make him feel less. Basically people who put him down for being who he is and liking the things he likes. Narcissists, if you will.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He’s a snuggler and he nuzzles into your side a lot when he sleeps. Whether you get too warm is your problem because this dude is Strong™ and won’t let you push him aside that easily. And, God, I hate to say this but he’s definitely a snorer. Not all the time but when he’s really tired.... let’s just say you won’t be getting a decent sleep.

#howie yan #roadkill howie #fictif howie #fictif roadkill #roadkill #fictif #fictif nix hydra #nix hydra #howie yan headcanons #fictif howie headcanons

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anxiouspotatorants · 3 years ago

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heyy first off im obsessed w your account and the underdog quartet but also i feel like, with your new jess/paris playlist post, we need to acknowledge paris and jess’s first interaction when paris went into luke’s diner in “Richard goes to stars hollow” they had a very subtle interaction but he was clearly memorable enough to her to remember him and his name. I wonder if whenever paris when to stars hollow in the future she would look for jess what do you think

Thank you so much for this ask and the kind words!!! I’m obviously obsessed with UQ too, so finding more people who love that dynamic is just amazing!

Also yes we only had about two direct interactions between Paris and Jess but holy shit was the platonic chemistry there!! Paris bothering to remember him is something I would love to take as a sign that she was a Jess gal (especially since if you combine that with Keiko Agena saying she and Lane are team Jess, that means all my faves support my ship!)

Now for Jess and Paris specifically, I could honestly give you three different types of answers for this. First is that ASP and company didn’t feel like exploring that dynamic, so Paris probably doesn’t think about Jess or seek him out in the future, especially not after Rory’s break up. But that take is boring so let’s go for wild headcanons!

The second approach is on the more realistic side. I bet that Paris would avoid bringing up Jess every time he popped into her mind in front of Rory, but she would be too desperate to finally have that decent conversationalist to not bug Rory about him. She probably wouldn’t head over to Stars Hollow of her own accord considering how disappointed she was with the research results for that article, but she would ask about when Jess could come over to Hartford so she could rip his literary takes to shreds at a nearby cafe or at the elder Gilmores. Once Jess and Rory were a couple, Paris would double down on her requests but probably only have them met once or twice (Jess has work, Rory still has a tendency to compartmentalize parts of her life etc.). Post-breakup Paris would take Rory’s side, but secretly be sad to see a potential friend go. She probably felt like this guys really could be something, not just for Rory who seemed to finally get decent taste in boys, but for Paris who was finally starting to get more true friends. She carries a secret team Jess torch for the rest of the series but hides it in general criticism of any and all guys Rory is involved with.

On to approach three, aka balls to the walls whatever I want!! Hold on to your hat because this will be a long and windy ride:

After the diner-meet, Paris is intrigued by the guy who played along with her interrogation and eye-flirted with Rory. She doesn’t think she’ll see him again, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t want to.

After the dinner at Rory’s, Paris is honestly elated to finally have a great literary conversation with a guy her age. The only one to have come close is Rory, and that doesn’t say much for the «opposite sex» in Paris’ eyes. But she’s also furiously disagreeing with Jess’ «Austen loves Bukowski»-take, so she writes a whole several page argumentative essay and forces Rory to deliver it to Jess the next school day.

Jess responds not with a letter, but by having Rory hand Paris an annotated («blasphemy!») copy of a Bukowski work. There are no arguments from Jess notes, just underlines of quotes he thinks Austen would approve of, and excerpts from different Austen works put in the margins for comparison. Paris despises him for how much she is seeing his point.

At some point Rory get’s sick of being a carrier pigeon and drags Paris with her to ST after school so the two can fight in person. All three stay until Lorelai pops over for dinner, and Paris realizes she needs to haul herself over to the bus. She’s hungry and worried about the time she should have spent on homework, but ultimately really happy about the day.

She’s bummed to see Jess go after the car accident, but doesn’t have much time to think about it between school and… well, school. She does end up being one of the few Rory can talk to about Jess without getting the whole «bad bad boy»-speech she gets over in ST and at her grandparents’.

Rory doesn’t tell Paris Jess is back until the very end of their Washington trip when Paris finds the unfinished letter and Paris is boiling. She does cool quickly, but only to constantly bug Rory about when the three of them are going to meet up again for coffee and verbal war. Rory gets so stressed about it that at some point she gives Paris the number to Luke’s and tells her to go on her own for all Rory cares.

Paris does. Jess is surprised, but they get in the groove quick. What doesn’t go as smoothly is Paris asking what the hell is going on between him and Rory. His non-answers pretty much spell everything out, and in a rare moment of comradery, Paris decides to turn the conversation in to hating on Dean. Jess appreciates it. It doesn’t happen again, but Paris firmly puts herself in the team Jess camp from then on.

Paris is releived once Jess and Rory finally are together and it is great! More cafe talks! Study sessions! Movie nights! They even sneak both Paris and Lane out into concerts! Paris feels like for the first time in a very long time, she has real friends her own age. The kind who actually like you for you and want to spend time with you for you, not just to get better grades or a better reputation.

Paris sucks at being strong for Rory when Jess leaves. Like, she takes it really personal. This was supposed to be the one good guy, and he decided to be just like everyone else. But with time she learns to coach Rory into speaking her mind about the whole thing, and to support her in her own Paris-y way.

What she doesn’t tell Rory is that at some point after summer break (either because she gets hold of Jess for some scolding or because Lane does and spills to Paris or even if Jess gets in touch himself) Jess starts sending Paris beat up books he collects on the road around the country. None of them feature letters (at first), but annotations at the beginning declaring his safety and momentary location, as well as his general style annotations of the book inside the text. Paris starts responding with letters, and with time they start talking on phones and through email.

Paris helps Jess with his GED. They make it an equal study-buddy thing because Paris needs help taking certain writers seriously in her essays. Most of their sessions are over the phone, and a lot of it is just them daring each other to actually try. Paris gets actual stars on her improved essays, and Jess passes with flying colours.

Paris doesn’t know about Truncheon until Jess stands in front of her place ages later, dressed like a Kids Bop version of himself and holding a messengerbag with his debut novel. Paris tears through it in two hours (forcing Jess to sit on the couch next to her the whole time) and then spends another half hour furiously trying to tear it to shreds but actually praising it. She gives him their first hug ever, and hopes this afternoon is a sign they’ll slowly get back to being close friends in person.

Paris sucks at hiding how team Jess she is. So. Much. She does have genuine critiques of Logan and other guys, but her gut-defenses of Jess at random times in the day and weird reminiscing back to the «good old days» of diner talk after school gives her away immediately. Rory is uncomfortable, but Paris doesn’t even change her mind after Rory still picks Logan.

What she does do is invite Jess over for grown up evenings with Doyle. Whenever Rory is scheduled to be out and Jess needs to visit Luke anyway, Paris extends her invitation. They test wines based on price and taste, watch cult classics, eat takeout (in honour of Paris’ very first Mac and Cheese night) and talk for hours. One day wires cross and Jess gets in while Rory is there/Rory gets back while Jess is there and things get awkward.

Paris invites Jess to the graduation. Yes she has a limited amount of tickets and yes it’s weird to invite your friend who has barely been around ever but damn it she wants him there. He came to her when he was celebrating his accomplishments, she wants him to be there for hers.

They actually grow even closer as adults; emailing, texting and calling regularly. About 70% of it is general banter and picking on everything and everyone around them, but it’s a far more loving kind now — not that anyone who isn’t them would know, from the outside it looks like they want to kill each other. Regardless of outcome, Paris remains forever team Jess, and the two end up having each other’s backs for life.

So this went long and away from the point (and I only went through Paris’ pov!) but it was fun to write! I hope you like rant answers!

#sing it with me all together now:#THE POTENTIAL #btw thank you so much for the ask it brightened my day!#snark attack #jess mariano #paris geller #jess x paris #lowkey underdog quartet #gilmore girls #gilmore girls headcanons #gilmore girls au #my aus #my headcanons

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hedgiwithapen · 3 years ago

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Ok, so, in relation to that post you reblogged about the Avengers not really being friends... like, what are some things that the studio should have done? I'm looking for something a bit more specific than "actually show them being friends" but not as specific as "in <movie>, there should've been a scene <approximate point in event timeline> where <characters> did <thing>". Asking as a writer looking for advice, please help or point to someone who'd be better to ask about this; thank you

so like, this isn't avengers specific because I straight up never watched all of them, and like, the Avengers didn't have to be friends technically but look, superhero teams are more fun when people are friends, and the storybeats that count on characters risking a lot for each other or feeling betrayed fall flat if there isn't /some/ foundation and the avengers SHOULD have been friends-- but! some of my thoughts on writing Characters Being Friends: I don't think the writers (in marvel, but apply all this generally pls) needed to do anything huge--they didn't even have to follow up on the "everyone has a floor in the tower" thing. you don't need to have huge grand " you are my best friend I pledge my life, platonically, to you" for everyone. It can be great to have one or two moments like that, but if you have a huge cast... trim it down, save if for the characters who've had the hardest time with friendship or trust or liking each other, so it'll have the most impact (Ani and Enna in the goose girl have a great moment, not repeated with the other friendships in the book to the same degree because that's not what's needed. ) a lot of small things would have sufficed in marvel, and in other media. it comes down to just... let the characters be friends--that they like each other! more than just tolerate being in the same room!--, and that friendship exists off screen as well, so acknowledge and lean into that. the characters don't only exist in the scenes they're in. think about what they've been doing, and what other characters are doing the same. dos A like work out? might A and B work out at the same Gym? maybe C and D have siblings or kids attending the same school and get dragged to the same silly elementary school talent shows or little league games. maybe E and F are both art thieves--they'd find themselves in the same frame shops or galleries or museum cafes.... use that as a base. if they've only just met because Plot, what things are they gonna use as icebreakers? let them have some conversations that aren't just about the End Of The World/ The Angsty Backstory/plot related things. let them have a fast argument about the best 90s boyband or share agreement on the best Ben and Jerry's flavor. Downtime is great, but harder to get in movies than in books or shows because of time constraints. Not every scene has to be about the big ongoing plot. let the characters get drinks, or ice cream (or, to quote cisco and caitlin in a good downtime scene of s1 of Flash, whichever they find first) and play games or be at a book club or walking out of a movie theater-- let the audience know that these characters don't need the world to be ending in order to spend time in each other's presence. they don't live in the mission control room, waiting on the lead hero's phone call. maybe some characters get the Plot Important News together instead of everyone individually. maybe that info gets phone tree'd, and A says " I'll call B, they're on vacation this week" implying that they know B's plans and the number they'd be reachable under (Leverage does a neat thing with this where all the characters go to find another, and only one of them actually knows where she lives--the two in another car have to hack into the other group's GPS) maybe they eat lunch together every day in the school/ work caf, maybe they carpool. they don't have to be long scenes or big flashy ones, just little nods. references to off screen moments-- a phonecall that opens with "Character? What's up--if you need help with Noodle Incident, I already told you no," before getting to the real reason for the call, comments on " you still owe me 5 bucks from our bet about Characters C and D" have characters remember favorite foods " I brought potstickers!" " my favorite!" "I know, you never shut up about them" or "hey, isn't that my shirt?" " you left it in my car it's mine now." (think GoGo in big hero 6 grabbing for one of Wasabi's tools, she's clearly done this before, and Wasabi's reaction to his nickname--'it was one time people!'--we know

these characters do shit in each other's presence a lot, to the point where jokes get made!) on screen, demonstrations of trust. a character who doesn't show much physical affection leaning against another. During a tense meeting/discussion, a hand of comfort or warning on a shoulder, reaching out to offer a hand. a knowing look and wince of pity from character A when something deeply personal for character B gets brought up, to indicate that A knows this is fucking with B's head and they're not alone. (Beau's habit of putting her hand on Caleb's shoulder in Critical Role) silence, too. moments of characters just existing in each other's space without any plot reason, they're just... together instead of apart. (Tris Reading her book outside the forge while Daja works in Tamora pierce's Circle of magic-- tris didn't have to be there, she could have been in the main building, and daja could still have called to her with magic for help--but they're friends! so Tris is hanging out in proximity!) the Fastball Special is a nice tool here, too-- where two characters have a code for a plan of attack or special move. we learn from that that they practice together, train together, someone came up with this move and they've done it before. throw in some inside jokes between characters! have characters quote each other! (will anything wreck my heart as much as Eliot using Hardison's " age of the geek" in Leverage "the long goodbye job? no.) some things can be even smaller. a blink and miss it shot of a phone indicating that A has a silly emoji next to B's name, a group photo on the wall or desk or computer background. indications of hangouts/ meetings on a calendar. a matching tupperware from A's set in B's kitchen. a third chair already dragged up to the table in a house only two people live, or a mug that refers to a thing C loves that doesn't go with D's style but is on the counter anyways, and C never has to ask where the plates are--unless A has just redecorated and moved them. something to show that C knows this place well. maybe we see a bracelet around E's wrist, and later we see A absently braiding another one in a scene where they have their hands free, and still later, that new bracelet is on B. little things. small details that add up and add up. sure, there are some things (like saving the world or fighting a mountain troll) that make fast forged friends... but most friendships are made in a series of small things. think about the places your friends have intruded--indented--on your life, the way the characters have with each other... and write them in as set dressing. this isn't everything, of course. there's a lot of ways to show characters as friends! but the main thing I suggest is think about the missing moments and what's not "on screen", and use those as a foundation for what you as a writer DO put on the page.

#writing advice #writing #friendships

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snowwhitelass · 4 years ago

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When President Donald Trump canceled a visit to the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery near Paris in 2018, he blamed rain for the last-minute decision, saying that “the helicopter couldn’t fly” and that the Secret Service wouldn’t drive him there. Neither claim was true.

Trump rejected the idea of the visit because he feared his hair would become disheveled in the rain, and because he did not believe it important to honor American war dead, according to four people with firsthand knowledge of the discussion that day. In a conversation with senior staff members on the morning of the scheduled visit, Trump said, “Why should I go to that cemetery? It’s filled with losers.” In a separate conversation on the same trip, Trump referred to the more than 1,800 marines who lost their lives at Belleau Wood as “suckers” for getting killed.

Belleau Wood is a consequential battle in American history, and the ground on which it was fought is venerated by the Marine Corps. America and its allies stopped the German advance toward Paris there in the spring of 1918. But Trump, on that same trip, asked aides, “Who were the good guys in this war?” He also said that he didn’t understand why the United States would intervene on the side of the Allies.

Trump’s understanding of concepts such as patriotism, service, and sacrifice has interested me since he expressed contempt for the war record of the late Senator John McCain, who spent more than five years as a prisoner of the North Vietnamese. “He’s not a war hero,” Trump said in 2015 while running for the Republican nomination for president. “I like people who weren’t captured.”

There was no precedent in American politics for the expression of this sort of contempt, but the performatively patriotic Trump did no damage to his candidacy by attacking McCain in this manner. Nor did he set his campaign back by attacking the parents of Humayun Khan, an Army captain who was killed in Iraq in 2004.

Trump remained fixated on McCain, one of the few prominent Republicans to continue criticizing him after he won the nomination. When McCain died, in August 2018, Trump told his senior staff, according to three sources with direct knowledge of this event, “We’re not going to support that loser’s funeral,” and he became furious, according to witnesses, when he saw flags lowered to half-staff. “What the fuck are we doing that for? Guy was a fucking loser,” the president told aides. Trump was not invited to McCain’s funeral. (These sources, and others quoted in this article, spoke on condition of anonymity. The White House did not return earlier calls for comment, but Alyssa Farah, a White House spokesperson, emailed me this statement shortly after this story was posted: “This report is false. President Trump holds the military in the highest regard. He’s demonstrated his commitment to them at every turn: delivering on his promise to give our troops a much needed pay raise, increasing military spending, signing critical veterans reforms, and supporting military spouses. This has no basis in fact.”)

Trump’s understanding of heroism has not evolved since he became president. According to sources with knowledge of the president’s views, he seems to genuinely not understand why Americans treat former prisoners of war with respect. Nor does he understand why pilots who are shot down in combat are honored by the military. On at least two occasions since becoming president, according to three sources with direct knowledge of his views, Trump referred to former President George H. W. Bush as a “loser” for being shot down by the Japanese as a Navy pilot in World War II. (Bush escaped capture, but eight other men shot down during the same mission were caught, tortured, and executed by Japanese soldiers.)

When lashing out at critics, Trump often reaches for illogical and corrosive insults, and members of the Bush family have publicly opposed him. But his cynicism about service and heroism extends even to the World War I dead buried outside Paris—people who were killed more than a quarter century before he was born. Trump finds the notion of military service difficult to understand, and the idea of volunteering to serve especially incomprehensible. (The president did not serve in the military; he received a medical deferment from the draft during the Vietnam War because of the alleged presence of bone spurs in his feet. In the 1990s, Trump said his efforts to avoid contracting sexually transmitted diseases constituted his “personal Vietnam.”)

On Memorial Day 2017, Trump visited Arlington National Cemetery, a short drive from the White House. He was accompanied on this visit by John Kelly, who was then the secretary of homeland security, and who would, a short time later, be named the White House chief of staff. The two men were set to visit Section 60, the 14-acre area of the cemetery that is the burial ground for those killed in America’s most recent wars. Kelly’s son Robert is buried in Section 60. A first lieutenant in the Marine Corps, Robert Kelly was killed in 2010 in Afghanistan. He was 29. Trump was meant, on this visit, to join John Kelly in paying respects at his son’s grave, and to comfort the families of other fallen service members. But according to sources with knowledge of this visit, Trump, while standing by Robert Kelly’s grave, turned directly to his father and said, “I don’t get it. What was in it for them?” Kelly (who declined to comment for this story) initially believed, people close to him said, that Trump was making a ham-handed reference to the selflessness of America’s all-volunteer force. But later he came to realize that Trump simply does not understand non-transactional life choices.

“He can’t fathom the idea of doing something for someone other than himself,” one of Kelly’s friends, a retired four-star general, told me. “He just thinks that anyone who does anything when there’s no direct personal gain to be had is a sucker. There’s no money in serving the nation.” Kelly’s friend went on to say, “Trump can’t imagine anyone else’s pain. That’s why he would say this to the father of a fallen marine on Memorial Day in the cemetery where he’s buried.”

I’ve asked numerous general officers over the past year for their analysis of Trump’s seeming contempt for military service. They offer a number of explanations. Some of his cynicism is rooted in frustration, they say. Trump, unlike previous presidents, tends to believe that the military, like other departments of the federal government, is beholden only to him, and not the Constitution. Many senior officers have expressed worry about Trump’s understanding of the rules governing the use of the armed forces. This issue came to a head in early June, during demonstrations in Washington, D.C., in response to police killings of Black people. James Mattis, the retired Marine general and former secretary of defense, lambasted Trump at the time for ordering law-enforcement officers to forcibly clear protesters from Lafayette Square, and for using soldiers as props: “When I joined the military, some 50 years ago, I swore an oath to support and defend the Constitution,” Mattis wrote. “Never did I dream that troops taking that same oath would be ordered under any circumstance to violate the Constitutional rights of their fellow citizens—much less to provide a bizarre photo op for the elected commander-in-chief, with military leadership standing alongside.”

Another explanation is more quotidian, and aligns with a broader understanding of Trump’s material-focused worldview. The president believes that nothing is worth doing without the promise of monetary payback, and that talented people who don’t pursue riches are “losers.” (According to eyewitnesses, after a White House briefing given by the then-chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Joe Dunford, Trump turned to aides and said, “That guy is smart. Why did he join the military?”)

Yet another, related, explanation concerns what appears to be Trump’s pathological fear of appearing to look like a “sucker” himself. His capacious definition of sucker includes those who lose their lives in service to their country, as well as those who are taken prisoner, or are wounded in battle. “He has a lot of fear,” one officer with firsthand knowledge of Trump’s views said. “He doesn’t see the heroism in fighting.” Several observers told me that Trump is deeply anxious about dying or being disfigured, and this worry manifests itself as disgust for those who have suffered. Trump recently claimed that he has received the bodies of slain service members “many, many” times, but in fact he has traveled to Dover Air Force Base, the transfer point for the remains of fallen service members, only four times since becoming president. In another incident, Trump falsely claimed that he had called “virtually all” of the families of service members who had died during his term, then began rush-shipping condolence letters when families said the president was not telling the truth.

Trump has been, for the duration of his presidency, fixated on staging military parades, but only of a certain sort. In a 2018 White House planning meeting for such an event, Trump asked his staff not to include wounded veterans, on grounds that spectators would feel uncomfortable in the presence of amputees. “Nobody wants to see that,” he said.

#politics #donald trump #mary trump #us military #us elections 2020 #vote blue 2020 #biden harris 2020

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tfw-no-tennis · 3 years ago

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the animorphs continues, david trilogy style

here we are...we finally arrived....the david triology

I did remember a good amount of these books from when I read these when I was like 11. but I also forgot a lot an hooooly shit

WHERE TF DO I EVEN START. so that shit slapped obvs. it really felt like the series has been leading up to this - all the characters have had to make really difficult no-correct-answers decisions, and it leads up to this - the ultimate shitty situation with absolutely no good, clear solutions, and everyone gets to contribute to the awful conclusion!

one thing that really stood out to me is that with David's inclusion as this kind of ‘outsider’ within the group, even though none of it was from his POV, we still get a huge sense of the animorphs being an extremely well-oiled team, who all know and trust each other very well - especially w/Jake as the leader - Jake has to make a lot of decisions in these books but the other animorphs always listen to him

this all probably didn’t help David, who was already thrown into a completely crazy situation, and who now has to deal w/this group of kid superheroes who work very well together. it also doesn't help that David doesn't really try to find his place on the team

anyways I love how much wild shit happens in animorphs always. like they try to steal the blue box as birds and then David chases them off w/a bb gun? and then they end up in this huge alien showdown with visser 3 and his troops in David's house? batshit

also the hilariously 90s part w/the email...lmao. like its the 90s so there's no way to shut off the automatic email remotely, they HAVE to go to David's computer, and they also can just unplug it...lmao they should've just taken out the phone lines tbh

also I completely forgot about the whole plot w/the world leaders meeting and the yeerks and stuff. that really served to ramp up the tension and also make it obvious that David was an outsider as he consistently fucked things up then played it off

also KAA did a masterful job of making David juuuust a little sympathetic in book 20, but still Off enough that you're like ehhhh I don't know about this guy...then he goes full awful creep and it becomes obvious that there’s no way they’ll be able to let him stick around in any capacity

the bit where David kills the crow for no reason is the first Real indication that this is gonna go seriously wrong. but even before all that, his conversations w/Marco gave me like, school shooter vibes

these books are full of some REALLY good tension. the whole end of book 21 was so tense - they've been gearing up for this mission for days now, and they’ve had to do some crazy stuff to get where they are, so the realization that it’s all a trap is completely chilling

and then when David tried to betray them to visser three...the gravity of that decision is unmistakable, because then the yeerks would find out that the animorphs are (mostly) human children, and they’d even know who they are, and that would be the end

I loved the part where David tries to act like he was just setting up an ambush w/his betrayal to the visser, and Jake immediately has everyone play along - and they do. earlier in the series someone - probably Rachel or Marco - likely would have ignored Jake bc of how slimy David was acting, but they've basically become a highly efficient military squad at this point, and it was a perfect slow slide into that over the last 20 books, and now is the time when the reader kinda realizes this (at least for me)

even if they don’t agree w/Jake and think they should just address the David problem right then and there, they all trust Jake as their leader to make that decision

also the fact that these are the first books to do the ‘to be continued’ thing rather than wrapping the plot up...it really made it feel all the more tense

in other books I normally look at the page count and go ‘ok so this conflict will be solved in this scene cause there are only 15 pages left’ (which is st I do a lot I now realize lmaooo I can pretty much gauge what’ll happen based on how many pages are left - and I do this when I read fanfic too, by looking at where the scroll bar is...anyways)

BUT w/these books its totally up in the air cause they can end anytime and just get continued next book, which makes it so much more tense imo

also I fucking loooove the part in book 21 where they’re hiding out with that little pool of yeerks - and I actually bookmarked some pages for these liveblogs, so I have quotes, this one from Jake -

‘There was something wrong about killing defenseless slugs. I was pretty sure about that.’

Oh, Jake, that opinion is gonna change someday....

it is a little ironic considering he jacuzzi’d those yeerks in like book 7 or w/e. but alas its still a fantastic line that serves to show in the end how much things have changed

also I love that the decision not to kill those defenseless yeerks end up helping them later - the yeerks check the pool bc they’re so certain that if the andalite bandits HAD snuck in, they surely would have killed the helpless yeerks. but they didn’t, so that means the andalite bandits didn't sneak in....

I like when the characters do a morally good thing and are then rewarded by the narrative for it - it’s pretty rare in this series, where there are usually NO morally correct choices (such is life) or they’re actively punished for making a ‘good’ decision (one could argue that the decision to make David an animorph instead of letting him become a controller was a morally good decision, but it had dire consequences).

Ok and the part I have to talk about w/these books of course - everything w/Rachel. bc damn Rachel really goes through it in this trilogy. I absolutely LOVE the character development she gets, and I especially enjoyed the way her and Jake's relationship was developed

anyways, one of the best and most fucked up quotes of the series, from Jake’s POV in book 21 -

<Ax? I think Tobias is dead,> I said. <I think David killed him.> <That would be a most terrible thing,> Ax said. <Yeah. Get Rachel. If David’s killed Tobias, we may have to do a terrible thing, too. Get Rachel.>

AUGHHHHH fucking chills I swear. also eternal love for them saying dead/killed/etc and never shying away from it. it really wouldn't have the same impact if they used the normal kid-safe PG words

but yeah Jake asking for Rachel when he thinks that they may have to hunt down and kill David? phewwww.

and the significance of this is never downplayed. this essentially confirms that Jake sees Rachel as the one who is willing and able to do the dirty work - and specifically in this case, it’s also likely bc it was Tobias who was ‘killed’ and he knows how Rachel feels about Tobias

but like, that’s so fucked up, I love it. they give this situation the exact amount of weight it requires - ch1 of book 22 has this part from Rachel -

‘If David had hurt Tobias, I would... But what was the point in making threats? I didn't need to make threats. I knew what I would do. So did Jake. That’s why he’d sent Ax for me.’

at first, it seems like Rachel is on the same page as Jake, but when it becomes clearer later that Jake sent Ax specifically to get Rachel bc she could do the terrible thing that had to be done - instead of just bc they needed reinforcements and she was closest - then things change

but even when Rachel gets rightfully upset later over this, you get the sense she still never really sees any option other than to kill David. it’s not even the ‘killing David’ part that upsets her, it’s that Jake, her cousin, immediately thinks of her as the person to do the deed

so, another fantastic quote from Rachel -

‘Tobias was dead. Jake might still die. And I was going to have to go after David. I was going to have to hunt him down. I was going to hunt him down and destroy him. No, not destroy. That was a weasel word. It was vague, meaningless. I was going to kill him.’

fucking WOW. like really. that bit right there is just perfect quintessential dark animorphs. it just subverts the classic kid-friendly phrasing, using words like ‘hunt down’ and ‘destroy’ instead of kill. But Rachel says it like it is. she’s not going to destroy David, she’s going to kill him.

But then a few pages later, after Ax tells her the quote where Jake asks for her specifically -

‘It definitely made me feel strange. Jake had called for me specifically. Because he wanted someone who would do precisely what I was planning to do. Like I say, I’m not big on feelings, but something about that felt wrong.’

I say it a lot but wow do these kids need So Much Therapy. these are like...8th graders. jesus christ. when I was in 8th grade I was busy planning sims-playing get-togethers w/my fellow 13 year old friends. christ animorphs

and fuck, the part where Rachel threatens David’s family, and shoves a fork in his ear? jesus. and the fact that Jake knew that Rachel was going to threaten David and let her go do it...

and then afterwards, Rachel says -

‘I felt...not exactly ashamed. But I knew I never wanted to talk to Cassie about what I’d just told David. Or Tobias. Or even Marco.’

I'm gonna make some leaps here but I think it’s really interesting that Rachel even mentions Marco here, and says ‘or even Marco.’ like, the ‘even’ seems to imply that Marco would otherwise be somebody she WOULD talk to about something like this.

which...kinda tracks, tbh. Marco is Mr Ruthless, he’s a cold, pragmatic strategist when he isn’t cracking jokes as a coping mechanism. it makes sense that Rachel would talk to him about things like this - he would make jokes, but he’d also understand

I'm just so interested in all the highly varying dynamics that exist within the group okay

and then right after Rachel says -

‘But I swear at that moment I hated Jake far more than I did David. I should have told them all what had happened. But Jake already knew, didn’t he? Jake, the smart, determined leader, already knew all about me.’

that's fucking daaark okay. It paints this picture of Jake having become this master manipulator who knows all about Rachel’s violent tendencies and is using them to his full strategic advantage

Oh my god okay and then all the stuff w/Saddler, christ. I had completely forgotten about that plotline but there was so much fucked up stuff there, too

and the scene where Rachel gives some good life advice to her little sister, and it’s a good bit to remind the reader and characters of the world outside of animorphs conflict...and then David speaks up.

that was such brutal mood whiplash, when you realize that David is morphed and hidden in Rachels room somewhere...fucking chilling

that whole scene just oozes disgusting creepiness. David’s fixation on Rachel specifically, and his rage at being ‘bested’ by her, really feels like misogyny to me. while David butted heads w/Marco, you never got the same sense of anger and disgust that he displays towards Rachel.

and the line where he says ‘hey, enjoy your shower’ made me shudder in disgust. christ. there are a lot of revolting, dark implications there.

also, book 22 obviously does a ton of fantastic character work for Rachel, but it does the same for Jake, too. and Cassie, but ill get to that later

we get to see so much of Jake as a leader and a strategist here, and pitting him and Rachel against each other (so to speak) makes for some excellent characterization, like when Rachel starts questioning why he asked for her -

“I thought David had killed Tobias. I thought he might kill me. I wanted...firepower.” “I see. You wanted me for my morphs.” It was a good answer. It could have almost been true.

and then we get a brief pit stop at the children's hospital where the fucked up parade continues - David morphed Saddler, Rachel and Jake’s injured/dying young cousin, and is pretending to be him, miraculously recovered from his accident

and meanwhile he DUMPED THE REAL SADDLER’S BODY DOWN AN ELEVATOR SHAFT. I literally cant, what the FUCK.

and they never really follow up on it but the whole family and all the Drs think its this miraculous recovery against all odds, but then obviously David disappears and therefore so does Saddler - do they ever find his real body? how completely fucked up that must have been - so much worse than if saddler had just died from his injuries - the miraculous recovery completely overturned by a bunch of stuff that doesn’t even make sense to anybody except Jake and Rachel....

anyways, after all that completely fucked up bullshit, we have the Jake and Rachel confrontation, Jake’s whole speech about Rachel is amazing, but here are my highlights -

“I think you’re the bravest member of the group. I think in a bad fight I’d rather have you with me than anyone else. But yeah, Rachel, I think there’s something pretty dark down inside you. I think you’re the only one of us who would be disappointed if all this ended tomorrow.”

I mean, christ. imagine your fellow 13 year old cousin saying this to you. oh MAN. and I love so much that Jake isn’t wrong, but he also is? he understands what Rachel will do, but not why she’s doing it. and I talked abt it before but Rachel has found herself in this box of ‘the brave/reckless blood knight,’ and feels pressure to live up to that reputation.

so how much of it is a façade that she puts on bc she’s expected to, and how much of it is how she really feels? well, she got that reputation initially for a reason, but she gets pushed more and more in that direction as the series progresses, both bc of the unintentional pressure to live up to her role as the Xena of the group, and bc it’s really, really useful to have somebody like Rachel on your side

Then Rachel says -

‘I tried to look at myself the way Jake saw me. Was it true? Did I love this war?’

I'm gonna lose it, these poor fucking middle schoolers. Rachel, listen, you’re 13, you’re a child soldier, of course you don't love the war you’re fighting...I need every child therapist on the block to come here right now

like jesus being 13 is hard enough without all this nonsense. it’s such a tenuous time in development, and add something like this - someone like Rachel, who is somewhat pigeonholed by society as ‘vapid, pretty blonde who loves to shop’ would of course flourish in an environment where she gets to show how much of a 3-dimensional Person she is - she can love shopping and also kick ass! nice! but also, like, trauma.

So then Rachel says this about Jake -

“Jake, you’re a leader now. You make life-and-death decisions. All the time. You’ve learned to do that. And,” I added bitterly, “you’ve learned to use people. You use them for their strengths and their weaknesses.”

Fucking read, wow. I feel like Rachel is absolutely correct here, if not simplifying things a lot. like, yes, Jake does make these unfathomable decisions on the regular, but he’s got tons of conflict over every single thing he does, and there was a lot of uncertainty and trial-and-error leading up to this. but she is correct that he’s learned, and is clearly a lot more comfortable in his role as a military leader now.

I just love the contrast these two have. Rachel, with the burden she carries as the bravest - the fighter of the team, who must be relied on in battle and to do the things that nobody else will do - and Jake, the leader, who has to make decisions knowing that he could get his friends killed at any time, and still trust that they’ll listen.

And then Jake says -

“But everyone draws their own line[...] For example, see, I used to think my line was drawn at using my friend, my cousin, to do my dirty work. Guess that turned out not to be true. Sorry, Rachel.”

And then they hug and vow to murder David together, as a team. Heartwarming cousin bonding! Again, so much therapy.

So yeah I love that scene. especially when you take into consideration Rachel’s ultimate fate, and Jake’s part in it. excuse me while I go weep.

Anyways, to the end. THE ENDING....it gets me every time. I’ll never be over it. I don’t remember much about animorphs from when I read it at age 11 but I really really remember the ending to book 22. The way they masterfully set David up, the rat morph, the pipes, THE LEGO, the reveal that they planned the entire thing, the moment when David realizes what’s going to happen to him....oof. It’s not something I could forget, even w/my notoriously horrible memory when it comes to media

Also I feel like there was more subtle misogyny when David insists on humiliating/subjugating Rachel, just because she proved earlier that she was stronger and smarter and better than him...eugh David is just such a disgusting creep that you don’t even end up feeling bad for him even though he’s a middle schooler being handed a fate worse than death. I mean, he tossed a dead/dying kid’s body down an elevator shaft in a children's hospital. I’m pretty sure he deserves this.

And here’s the part where I talk about Cassie. because even though she didn’t get a POV book in the David trilogy, she still got some brutally fantastic character development. here we see David starting to realize what’s happening -

‘Cassie was crying. David hadn't asked who the mastermind of the plan was. Who it was who had so accurately appraised his emotions, his need to build his ego, the fact that he would choose me to be his “companion.” Cassie, of course. Cassie had worked it out, step by step, after Jake and I had failed to come up with anything. For Cassie, it was an improvement over the alternatives. See, no one was going to have to die. But David’s life would end, just the same.’

CASSIE. The dark horse, except not really, bc this is perfectly in line with what we know about her, especially coming off book 19, her last POV book before this. in that book she makes some absolutely awful decisions, all to avoid having to kill somebody.

After all of Jake and Rachel’s badass vows to take David down, it’s Cassie who finds the solution.

To a lot of people, David’s fate could be considered worse than death. To Cassie, it’s a better alternative. That speaks volumes about her, and I love it.

Also, the MANIPULATION. Cassie in the David trilogy really gets to flex her interpersonal manipulation skills, which I love to see. It’s such a fascinating aspect of her character; a really interesting use of empathy

Like the scene in book 20 where David freaks out as a roach and she manipulates him into not giving them away by pitting him against Marco, someone who David doesn’t get along with, by saying ‘if Marco can do it, can’t you?’ because she knows he’ll fall for it. And he DOES.

And then the part in the cafeteria where she basically plays the ‘good cop’ to everyone else in the group’s ‘bad cop.’ Not ONLY does she manage to get David to shut up and listen to her, she also posits her theory that he wants to blue box to trade it for his parents - which his reactions to her questions confirms as true. and nobody else in the group suspected this.

She lures him into a sense of security by talking kindly and quietly about how she understands how he feels, then hits him with what she knows and gets him to confirm it, which then allows Rachel to accurately threaten him.

And then Cassie, offscreen, comes up with the entire plan on how to trap David as a rat, because from the beginning she had him figured out. David didn’t pay much attention to Cassie - more misogyny tbh, as Cassie is the girl on the team who isn’t an aggressive, feminine blonde - and that ended up being a huge reason for his downfall.

David also didn’t pay much attention to Tobias, and clearly didn’t see him as human at all, and that made Tobias very valuable after David assumed he had killed Tobias.

Ok, back to the ending - the fact that it was Rachel and Ax who stayed there to wait the two hours for David to become a nothlit....

Rachel says -

‘Jake’s a good leader. He knows when to use us. He knows when to protect us. He knew he had to protect as many of his people as he could from what was going to happen.’

fucking brutal. TWO HOURS of listening to this awful kid beg and threaten and barter. I can’t even imagine.

And Ax too! He gets overlooked a lot as an alien, and it’s probably true that all of this impacts him differently than the other human animorphs, it can’t be in any way pleasant to have to sit there for two hours and act as a living timer to count down this kid’s life. Ax is a kid, too, and an isolated one at that, being the only Andalite on the team.

So yeah that scene is awful. Rachel even says -

‘Two hours. But that two hours of horror will last forever in my mind. If I live a hundred years, I will still hear his cries, his threats, his pleading, each night before sleep takes me. And beyond sleep, in my dreams.’

I know I’m beating a dead horse here, but jesus christ, THEY NEED SO MUCH THERAPY. The fact that one of the constants in all of the POVs is the nightmares that all the animorphs consistently have....geez

Okay so I know in my last two liveblogs I ended them by comparing animorphs to another series - hxh and mtmte - but I honestly am drawing a blank for this...

I guess the only thing I can think of is to compare it to mob psycho 100, which is another very good, very subtly subversive series

In mp100, the entire Point is that the very powerful psychic middle schoolers DON’T end up using their powers to fight life-or-death battles against adult enemies in order to save the world and whatnot. the Point is that that’s fucked up, and these kids shouldn’t be responsible for something like that, no matter how powerful they are

and basically the character who says all that is Reigen, an adult who actively prevents the middle schoolers from joining what would be some very traumatizing fights

basically my point here is less to compare the two shows and more to say - the poor animorphs could really use a Reigen huh. like, they seriously need an adult who’ll step in and say ‘wait a second, these kids are doing WHAT? hold the fucking phone, no way, get some actual adults in here to solve this shit. not today!’

the closest they could've come to an adult figure in their lives is Elfangor and he dies like 5 minutes after giving them superpowers, soooo....

man mp100 slaps I should rewatch it. anyways yeah the theme of this post is ‘the animorphs need therapy and also a stable adult figure in their lives to help them not get traumatized all the time’ thank you for coming to my ted talk

#this is like a whole ass thesis lmao i have quotes and everything look at that #lj reads animorphs #had to fix that tag bc it used to say 'read' instead of 'reads' smfh #animorphs

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godsporncollection · 4 years ago

Text

Saturday GC Sessions Summary

Topics, quotes, and summaries of the talks given in the Saturday sessions of the fall 2020 General Conference (with occasional commentary in parenthesis)

*This is (mostly) written from a TBM pov, so I’ve glossed over many... unsavory things. That said, if you’re gonna quote this, definitely proofread it first because I occasionally switch to exmo pov.

Sunday Sessions (long version)

Sunday Sessions (shorter version)

Russel M Nelson

Hopeful, holy bullshit/look at all the spiritually awesome stuff we're doing/gonna do. (idk, there didn't really seem to be much of a talk there)

David A Bednar

Tests in school are as important as the tests of us living on earth.

"Prove, examine, and try."

"If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear."

Susan and I looked over our food storage and learned that we did well in most areas, but found some expired things we were afraid would unleash another global pandemic.

Remember, when loved ones die, and you don't know why, god does. It's a lesson in faith.

Scott D Whiting

How to be more like christ.

Wife and I were in Japan, hiking up a mountain; it was hard because altitude.

One step at a time is how we become more like christ.

Honesty is important, honesty with ourselves.

You can ask others how they view you, but god is a better person to ask, with his perfect view of us.

REPENT! to be the best version of ourselves. Change your heart and mind to be like christ.

Choose one attribute to focus on at a time. Constantly ask god for help, but don't be selfish.

"Be the tide that raises all boats in the harbor."

Recognize that desired attribute in others. Put in a lot of effort.

Caution- don't feel guilty, unworthy, or unloved; that is not what life is about.

You are good enough and loved, but that doesn't mean you're a perfect version of yourself.

Michelle D Craig

Story of Elijah for allegory of struggling to see how god is in your life.

Wait and trust in god. Pray for the lord to open your eyes. Understand how god sees you.

Ask yourself: what am I doing that I should stop and what should I be doing?

Stop looking at your phone. I think it's a good time to multitask, but the spirit told me to stop and the next day, while in line at the grocery store, I looked at the people around me instead. I saw old man and struck up a conversation with him based on what was in his cart (cat food). He said it was his birthday so I wished him a happy birthday. This guy needed me to see him.

A story of a friend who separated from her husband and hoped nobody would talk to her at church. A young woman kept looking back at her and came up to her after sacrament meeting. The young woman told her she loved her and they became friends and it helped her because she felt noticed and cared about.

Ask god to help you see others and act to affirm their lives. This is how we identify our own purpose.

Quentin L Cook

Righteousness. Female followers of brigham young found career opportunites in Utah and friends in the native americans. (Gave a whole bullshit Utah thanksgiving story, complete with rewriting history so white people can feel better about themselves for feeding the natives). There is unity in respect. Historically, we have not been perfect, but that is the goal. We don't need to have all the blessings of god to be righteous. Love god and fellow man to live in eternal peace and happiness with god. "Historical record" in 1 nephi shows there were no happier people because of righteousness. But then that society was destroyed so much that mormon asked how they would avoid punishment. We live in that latter time, not unity. Our challenge is to lift and bless society as a whole. Demonstrated by ethnic harmony and an all inclusive doctrine. Unity and diversity are not opposites. All races and colors are children of god. Laws written in god's chosen land (US) were written by imperfect men, but inspired by god for equal treatment of all men. Remember that we were onced very opressed because we wanted to share jesus' love. If you are not united, you are not god's children. Gosple culture is greater than regional cultures. We honor pioneers because of their struggles.

Ronald A Rasband

Supplying the world with temples is a holy duty.

Sacred ordinaces lead to exaltation.

"Temples rise above the ways of the world. Every temple... stand as testaments to our faith and eternal life and the joy of spending it with our families and heavenly father. They increase understanding of the godhead and the everlasting gospel and commitment to live and teach truth and our willingness to follow the example of jesus."

I learned an important lesson while visiting my father in law as he was dying; that temple recommends are important, even while dying.

The worthiness interview "is not about do's and dont's. It is about finding your worthiness and to testify of your devotion to the gospel teachings."

(I stopped paying attention for a while.)

Hunter said his biggest desire was to have every member hold a temple recommend.

Come get yo rec's! "Whether you have access to a temple or not, it is still important to remain and prove your worthiness."

(I'm really struggling to pay attention to this guy and holy shit he stressed "be patient" while I was typing that.)

Dallin H Oaks

"The lord's teachings are for eternity and for all of god's children."

My examples will be US-centric, but I'm sure that the issues the US face are universal, right?

Destrucitve behavior in political statements are not good.

Remember that JC said to love your enemies. Contention is of the devil, not JC. It isn't easy. Seek and ye shall find the strength to love.

Follow the laws of man.

Nobody can make us angry, it is our choice to be angry.

(Reference to The King and I-) learn about other people's culture.

Don't participate in rioting.

Wait, he's supporting the first ammendement- oh, the stress here is on the word "peaceful". We must do better to end racism. But remember to be peaceful! No violence. Anarchy is evil. Lincoln said "there is no greivance that is a fit object of redress by mob law". It undermines individual rights, not protects.

The US was started by diverse people! We're inherintly diverse! Here's a diverse (british) example!

AFTERNOON SESSION

D Todd Christofferson

There's a 2030 sustainable development agreement thingy. It's got 17 goals including- no poverty, no hunger, quality education, gender equality, clean water and sanitation, and decent work. It is interesting and important.

More important is a sustainable society.

Two biblical examples: 1. The city of enoch. They were of one heart and one mind. 2. The 1st generations of nephites an lamanites. No envies nor strifes. No murders or lying. No happier people than them. Love thy neighbor. Every man seeking the interests of his neighbor. Virtues uphold these societies.

Then they became exceedingly wicked and millions died in wars amongst themselves.

"When people turn from a sense of accountability to god and begin to trust instead in the arm of flesh (?)", disaster lurks.

A good life is more important than a long life.

I'm so fucking blessed, so this really isn't a good topic for me, but here we are.

The light of christ is what uneducated people call a consience.

"When one has no higher god than himself, and seeks no greater good than satisfying his own appetites and preferences, the effects will be manifest in due course. A society, for example, in which individual consent is the only constraint on sexual activity is a society in decay. Adultery, promiscuity, elective abortion and out of wedlock births are but some of the bitter fruit that grow out of the immorality sanctioned by the sexual revolution." This leads to poverty and fatherless families, sometimes in multiple generations, and deficient education and mental destruction.

"Our joyous message is that there is a better way through god... (the core truths of this message are) god lives, he is the heavenly father of our spirits, that as a manifestation of his love, he's given us commandments that lead to a fullnes of joy with him, that JC is the son of god and our redeemer, that he suffered and died to atone for sins on condition of our repentance, that he rose from the dead, bringing to pass the resurrection of human kind, and that we will all stand before him to be judged."

Steven J Lund

My son had cancer. It was hard. He was in lots of pain, but still wanted to go to church even when his mom suggested he stay home. He knew he inspired others when they saw him there, representing the savior by willingly suffering to serve.

All youth programs are there to help them be more like JC.

They are surrounded by things that keep helping them do that, but they're still making mistakes, so parents and leaders need to step up (potterheads grab your wands).

Gerrit W Gong

Family of 10 is hated by neighbors, nobody likes them until their house burns down. Then they were showed kindness, hope, and understanding by their neighbors helping them.

"Our 2020 bicentenniel proclamation begins with the profoundly inclusive promise that god loves his children in every nation of the world. Each of us in every nation... god promises covenants, and invites us to come partake of his abundant joy and goodness. God's love for all people is affirmed throughout scripture that love encompasses the abrahamic covenent, gathering his scattered children, and his plan of happiness. In the house of faith, there are to be no strangers, no foreigners, no rich and poor, no outside others. As fellow citizens with the saints, we're invited to help the world for the better, from inside out; one person, one family, one neighborhood at a time. This happens when we share the gospel."

Church materials are available in many regions and languages. We're gonna focus on that for a while. (And I stopped paying attention again. This dude is boring af. And I have a high threshold for boring right now)

Talking about how members do charity work.

W Christopher Waddell

Some kid said it was the greatest day of his life to meet this guy who talks to the profit a couple of times a week. The story is given with the obvious topic of "we thank thee oh god for a prophet".

Prophets tell us to prepare for crisis.

We understand your struggles and want to express that there are better days ahead. Church leaders can help you.

The lord loves effort.

Have stores of food and money, but don't go to extremes in your efforts to establish those things.

We have a brochure on finances with quotes from people about how god will provide.

Remember Joseph in Egypt.

"All things are spiritual to the lord and not at any time has he given us a law which is temporal."

Manage your finances and have food storage.

Matthew S Holland

The feeling of Alma remembering his sins are as painful as passing a kidney stone (?!).

Repentance will bring us relief.

We have no idea how bad our suffering will be if we don't repent.

"Medical science, professional counseling or legal rectification can help alleviate such suffering but note, all good gifts including these, come from the savior. Regardless [of] the causes of our worst hurt or heartaches, the ultimate source of relief is the same: JC. He alone holds the full power and healing balm to correct every mistake, right every wrong, adjust every imperfection, mend every wound, and deliver every delayed blessing."

When you feel like nobody could understand your suffering, remember that jesus can.

"Suffering in righteousness helps qualify your for, rather than distinguishes you from, god's elect."

William K Jackson

An Indian dude didn't want to turn his back on his culture in order to convert with the rest of his family. But JC was able to open his eyes to a different viewpoint.

Our original culture is the culture of Adam and Enoch. It is the greatest of all cultures. There is no "us v them" mentality in the greatest of all cultures.

"We believe that we are responsible and accountable for ourselves, each other, the church, and our world. Faith in JC is the first principle of our culture, and obedience to his teachings and commandments is the outcome.”

“It is a culture of covenants and ordinances, high moral standards, sacrifice, forgiveness, repentance, and caring for the temple of our bodies. It is a culture of the preisthood, the authority to act in god's name, the power of god to bless his children. It edifies and enables individuals to be better people, leaders, mothers, fathers, and companions- and it sanctifies the home. In the culture of christ, women are elevated to their proper and eternal status. They are not subservient to men, as in many cultures in today's world, but full and equal partners here and in the world to come.”

“The family is the basic unit of eternity. The perfection of the family is worth any sacrifice" because, as has been taught, "no other success can compensate for failure in the home."

This culture is concerned with things of lasting worth.

It is inclusive, not exclusive.

"Because this culture results from the application of our savior's teachings, it helps provide a healing balm of which our world (cue crying) is in such desperate need. What a blessing it is to be a part of this grand and (voice wavering) *noble* way of life. The church is hardly a western society or an american cultural phenomenon. it is an international church, as it was always meant to be. New members from around the world bring richness, diversity, and excitement into our ever-growing family!" (hallelujah!)

Indian dude joined the church, of course.

"What a marvelous heritage (quiet sob) we all share!"

Dieter F Uchtdorf

Because of a threat from the US military, the SLC temple was buried during constrution. When the threat had passed, they excavated it and found that many stones in the foundation had cracked and were replaced. "Finally, the saints could sing How Firm a Foundation and know their holy temple was built on a foundation that would last for generations.”

“This story can teach us how god uses adversity to bring about his purposes." Which is an appropriate topic these days.

We mourn with those who have lost loved ones to covid.

"My message today is that even though this pandemic is not what we wanted or expected, god has prepared his children and his church for this time."

We will do more than survive, we will move forward and we will be better as a result.

We are like seeds that must be buried before they can sprout. "The love of god and blessing of the restored gospel of JC will bring something unimaginable to spring forth."

Hardships strengthen our character.

"What we learn from biblical examples? 1. The righteous are not given a free pass that allows them to avoid the valleys of shadow... 2. Our heavenly father knows that we suffer, and because we are his children, he will not abandon us..."

"Our best days are ahead of us, not behind us. This is why god gives us modern revelation."

(I stopped paying attention during an aviation allegory.)

Stories of new/potential converts going to appointments early because of excitement. "Our missionaries are busier than ever."

WOMEN'S SESSION

Sharon Eubank

Story of a kid rewarded with his favorite pie for doing chores. He was selfish when his sister asked if she and her friend could have some because they didn't earn it, but changed his mind later. This showed that he was willing to change and show kindness to those who didn't deserve it.

"By union of feeling, we obtain power with god."

I don't like this world. It sucks and I want to make it better and sometimes I feel powerless, but I have done lots of soul searching and have three suggestions.

1. Have mercy. Jacob 2:17, but replace the word "substance" with the word "mercy". We need more mercy in our ministering. "If you would have god have mercy on you, have mercy on each other."

2. Make your boat swing. Rowing definition: "swing" is when all are rowing in such perfect unison that not a single action is out of sync. Somehow, individuality is crucial to this; clones couldn't do it. "Differences can be turned to advantage instead of disadvantage." This makes you go fast and they won because of that.

3. Clear away the bad as fast as the good can grow. Jacob 5: good tree is planted in good ground but was corrupted. A servant asks that the tree be given another chance and then the tree grows good fruit. JC is like the owner of the vinyard, and gives us mercy, if we can give it to each other.

"I believe the change we seek in ourselves and in the groups we belong to will come less by activism and more by actively trying every day to understand one another" because we're building zion.

As women, we have broad influence to remove prejudice and build unity. "I offer this invitation: be part of a collective force that changes the world for good." We're supposed to help others. "The women of this church have the potential to change society."

Rebecca M Craven

(I... I can't focus on this woman long enough to piece together what the fuck she's saying. Sorry.)

I think the overall topic is changing yourself to atone/repent.

Cristina B Franco

This year has given us many surprises that have left us broken.

Personal story about getting a piano. One of the delivery guys slipped and broke it. The delivery guys went back to arrange the delivery of a new piano, but her husband asked if it could just be repaired instead. The manager said "the wood is broken, and once the wood is broken, it can never sound the same."

We are like the broken piano, feeling broken and that we'll never be the same again. "However, as we come unto JC by exercising faith in him, repenting, and making and keeping covenants, our brokenness, whatever it's cause, can be healed [by the savior's healing power to make us better than we were.]." Faith in god heals us.

Story of Alma where god promised to ease their burdens.

(Really long quote from Alma that she doesn't source).

The savior is a refuge from the storm.

(Is there a rule that women can't have more than 20% original content in their talks? What is with all the quotes from other people, with barely anything to make them relate to each other?)

THAT'S MY HIGH SCHOOL CHOIR TEACHER DIRECTING THE SEPT 2014 CHOIR!!!

Bonnie H Cordon

JC is the light and the life of the world; the light that shines in the darkness.

Shit's been hard these last few months, but we see you praying and working hard to seek out JC.

Video

Gloomy shit and then "inspiring/soothing" pics of JC, then those same gloomy people are shown being happy while doing normal, everyday stuff. Lots of black people to show diversity and even a deaf woman signing in a video chat on her phone. (It's driving me crazy that i can't remember the song that's playing.) Then back to a pic of JC.

Henry B Eyring

"Every day we are approaching closer to the glorious moment when the savior JC will come to earth again."

"As the beloved daughters of heavenly father, and as the daughters of the lord JC in his kingdom, you will play a crucial part in the grand times ahead."

Prepare to live as the people in the city of enoch did.

Another unsourced quote of "what will happen in this last dispensation of the fulness of times": (was that wording really necessary?) dark skies, earthquakes, etc, but chosen people will be fine. They'll all be gathered into one place (that we could... maybee.... do something to? jk. unless...?).

Women will be at the heart of creating that society.

Quotes about the importance of women and the relief society.

Quotes about how pure and faithful the city of Enoch was.

"My experience has taught me that heavenly father's daughters have a gift to allay contention and to promote righteousness with their love of god and with the love of god they engender in those they serve." (fuck you)

Seeing a household without a preisthood member gave me glimpse of zion because the women were supportive and loving.

Why is it Oaks again?

"In the world, ye shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer, i have overcome the world."

Today, "we are also troubled on every side, and we also need that same message not to despair, but to be of good cheer."

JC knows your wants and fears.

"Be of good cheer."

Opposition is essential (anyone know of that musical 'my turn on earth' or am i just old? I've got 'opposition' stuck in my head).

Shit sucks right now. Covid and election shit, the election shit is bad "the most severe many of the oldest of us can ever remember." People are dealing with "the many adversities of mortality: poverty, racism, sickness, job loss, wayward children, bad/no marriages, and the effects of sin" but "be of good cheer." (broken record much?)

Poor JS had lots of adversities! But he still managed to "maintain his native cheery temperament and the love and loyalty of his people." The pioneers had it hard, too, but they still "were of hope and good cheer."

(If I heard this right) The orignal missionaries were sent out for up to 7 years.

The presidency loves you and cares about you and we pray for you (y'all should look up 'ill pray for you' by Jaron Lowenstein, btw. i promise it's hilarious).

"There is boundless power in the doctrine of the restored gospel of JC. Our unshakeable faith in that doctrine guides our steps and gives us joy. It enlightens our minds and gives strength and confidence to our actions. This guidance and enlightenment and power are promised gifts we have recieved from our heavenly father. By understanding and conforming our lives to that doctrine, including the divine gift of repentance, we can be of good cheer as we keep ourselves on the path of eternal destiny, reunion, and exaltation with our loving heavenly parents." (sidenote- I typed that quote really fast with very few mistakes and I'm very proud of myself. I'm sure I've never typed that fast and correctly in my life.)

Russel M Nelson

Shit's been hard and different than normal.

We greive with the women who have experienced loss.

Social media is evil for young women, but "many of you have found ways to encourage others and share our savior's light."

The future gonna be lit, yo.

"If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear."

"Moroni prepared his people in three essential ways:”

“1. He helped them create areas where they would be safe; places of security, he called them.” "Create a home that is a place of security."

“2. He prepared the minds of the people to be faithful unto the lord.” "Each time we have the faith to be obedient to god's laws, even when popular opinions belittle us, or each time we resist entertainment or ideaologies that celebrate covenant breaking, we are exercising our faith, which in turn increases our faith." "Life without god is a life filled with fear. Life with god is a life filled with peace."

“3. He never stopped preparing his people; physically or spiritually." "The adversary never stops attacking, so we can never stop preparing. The more self-reliant we are, temporally, emotionally, and spiritually, the more prepared we are to thwart satan's relentless assualts."

"We have so much to look forward to. The lord placed you here, now, because he knew you had the capacity to negotiate the complexities of the latter part of these latter days. He knew you would grasp the grandeur of his work and be eager to help bring it to pass. I am not saying that the days ahead will be easy, but I promise you that the future will be glorious for those who are prepared, and those who continue to prepare to be instruments in the lord's hands."

"Embrace the future with faith."

#exmo #ex-mormon #apostake #exmormon #mine #ex mormon #exchristian #ex christian #excult #cult stuff #exlds #ex lds #former mormon #ex religious #agnostic #gc october 2020 #gc summary

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serendipity-100 · 5 years ago

Text

Intoxicating

Show: Euphoria

Pairing: Fezco x Reader

Warnings: Mention of drugs, anxiety and depression, along w/ profanity.

Description: The new girl in town is in need of weed and happens to stumble upon Fezco, the local drug dealer.

A/N: First piece of fanfiction so; A. Bear with me and B. Feedback is greatly appreciated it 😊 and if anyone wants another chapter, feel free to request. PS, the writing style is based on the narration held on the TV show.

Weed. My only escape in this world. It helps shut my brain off. Keeps me somewhat sane. But I'm running low. Shit.

Frantically I dressed myself in something that society would not necessarily deem as “acceptable”, but then again, I was never the one to fit the norm, or give a fuck.

I moved to the city about a month ago and my introverted self hasn’t managed to make friends yet. I overheard some girls at school mentioning some party at this guy McKay’s crib and figured a dealer would be present and I’d finally stash up.

Walking amongst the drunk, horny and borderline naked bodies sprawled in the driveway, I entered the house, keeping an eye open for any sketchy looking figure. I’m not the one for stereotypes, but every dealer looks sketchy. Facts.

I aimlessly wondered around the house but to no success. Frustrated and pissed, I hughed my way to a quite spot by the outside pool and lit a cigarette, closing my eyes.

Fezco was chillin on the sofa, selling some drugs when his eye caught this gorgeous figure making her way through the crowd, almost like she was on a mission. She had C/R hair with C/R strands framing her angelic face. C/R rimmed glasses sprawled on her button nose, disguising her C/R eyes. She stuck out to him. Later in the night, he decided to walk outside and light a joint for himself. His eyes caught a figure leaning on the wall, figuring out it was that girl, he grew a pair and made his way towards her. “You know that shit can kill ya right?”

A smile crept onto Y/N’s face. “Well, it ain’t workin yet”, I responded, opening my eyes and directing my gaze towards the specie who had bothered my relaxed state.

Damn. The figure before me was a Ginger God. Mesmerizing green eyes, scruffy beard, fresh buzzcut.

“Well it just might have”, he responded waving his hand in front of my face trying to gain my attention. Shit, I was staring at him for too long. I quickly tried to play it off, giving a little shrug and smile. And this ladies and gentleman is my dumbass trying to flirt. Pathetic.

“My names Fezco, friends call me Fez”, he said offering his hand. “Y/N”. Damn, I’m so awkward, I wish the cigarette did take me out.

“So you’re new in town?”, he asked offering a smile. “Moved here a few weeks ago. I never saw you around school before”, I tried to converse. “I’m a high school dropout”, he responded dropping his gaze. Fez was never proud of the life he had but it’s the life he had to have for the sake of his family. “Shit, I’m sorry I asked”, I said guiltily. “Nah, nah don’t flex. You good, how could’ve you known?”, he said trying to make me feel better. “So what are you doing here? I wouldn’t catch you as the partying-girl-type.” “I have a type?”, I joked along. “I came here to buy some weed but I haven’t seen no dealers yet”, I responded, looking around one more time, hoping for a miracle.

Fez felt he was falling into an endless pit of emotions. He liked this girl. Something about her just felt like comfort to him, a feeling he hadn’t felt in a long ass time, if ever. He liked girls that smoked, it turned him on, but he wasn’t sure if he should show his true identity to this beautiful creature in front of him, afraid she wouldn’t want anything to do with him after.

“I gotchu”, he finally spat out, acknowledging that he’d rather sell her the good stuff himself than some other creep standing around the corner. “Really?!”, I asked in a shocked state. Fez definitely didn’t fit the stereotype. “Why you looking at me like that?”, he nudged. “Nothin, you just don’t seem like the drug deelin type”, I shrugged. “I have a type?”, he mocked. We both laughed at his response when suddenly we heard sirens; “Shit the feds!”

Fez instinctively grabbed onto your hand and ran out of the house stopping in front of his old Mercedes. My ass needed a break. I was out of breath not just because we sprinted out like maniacs, but his hands, his touch. As cheesy as it sounded, he took your breath away the second his fingers spiralled around yours.

“Get in, I’ll drive you anywhere, I just can’t get caught”, he said frantically. “We could just go back to mine. Nobody’s home”, I suggested, acknowledging that it sounded like a desperate attempt to get him into bed, which for the record you aren’t against. With a smirk, he strapped himself in and drove, following your directions.

“Damn, you never mentioned you were rich, rich”, he said astonished, taking in the large house he parked in front of. “You never asked”, I flirted. “Well, damn I was gonna be all smooth and offer you some free weed like a gentleman, but shit girl, scratch that”, he joked. Laughing, I guided him upstairs to my room. Don’t judge me, it was the only room in the house which had a balcony.

Her room reminded him of his old room. Posters on the wall, overflowing closet, half-opened drawers, messy desk, but clean floors. He admired her as she walked outside the balcony, tying her hair up, showcasing her stunning face and he couldn’t help but follow. “So, what’s your story?”, he asked, wanting to learn everything about her.

“Nothing much”, I shrugged, “I was born in New York, but moved here because apparently, “the city life was too much for my teenage, weed smoking self””, I air quoted, telling him about the time my parents caught me smoking a joint after I had found that weed helped with anxiety and decided to buy some and roll it up, see how it felt, if it helped. “They were more focused on the fact that I was smoking, then the fact that I was crippling with anxiety and depression and couldn’t even bother waking up in the morning, or eating, or moving at all really.”

Fez caught her glistening eyes. He would never have guessed such a beautiful soul could have been through so much. He felt as if he wanted to shelter her, protect her from everything and everyone. He knew she was strong enough to fend for herself, but she needed someone, anyone to just be there for her. And in the spare of the moment, he kissed her. He didn’t linger, taking a step back. He fucked it up. This girl needed somebody to listen to her not take advantage of her.

“Shit. Fuck. I’m sorry I didn’t mea-”, he got caught of with her lips catching his. He tasted like smoke. She tasted like mint. His hands felt like electrical impulses running from her face down to her waist. Her hands explored and travelled from his hair down to his neck.

They were each other’s drug. They couldn’t have enough of each other. It was intoxicating.

#euphoria #fezco #fezco euphoria #fezco imagine #fezcoedit #x reader #imagines #fanfiction #fluff #euphoria x reader #euphoria imagine

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gellavonhamster · 4 years ago

Text

a room for one night

gen || R the Duchess of Winnipeg, Lemony Snicket, Bertrand Baudelaire, Kit Snicket || ships mentioned and/or implied: R/Beatrice, Lemony/Beatrice, Bertrand/Beatrice, Kit/Beatrice, Bertrand/Lemony || pre-canon

ao3 link eng || ao3 link rus

inspired by @beatricebidelaire‘s post that I can’t find now (tumblr search function, am I right?) but the idea was the following: two volunteers, the “there was only one bed” trope, but all they do at night is talk about Beatrice

“Should I sleep on the floor after all, perhaps? Lemony suggested.

R gave him a bewildered look. “I feel like we’ve slept in the same bed before often enough for you not to worry about propriety, haven’t we?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Lemony raised the edge of a dull bed sheet covered in light blue polka dots, and tapped on the base of the bed. “I meant the beer crates.”

They checked in the hostel early in the morning, left their belongings, and went out to explore the surroundings – not only and not so much out of tourist curiosity as to find the restaurant where they would have to spy on a couple of persons of interest to VFD tomorrow, select the table it would be the most convenient to spy from, and evaluate the escape routes just in case. After that they simply had to go to a café for root beer floats, and then they made the mistake of visiting a museum whose size they severely underestimated. The room had been checked for wiretapping and other unpleasant surprises of that sort earlier by another volunteer who was passing through the town but could not stay for long and perform the task that was ultimately assigned to Lemony and R. What that volunteer had not mentioned in their report was that the room had a sloped ceiling, so low in places that it was possible to bump one’s head by accident, as well as that the bed was essentially a mattress placed upon several beer crates put together. Though they were not happy about the ceiling, the bed, which they had a good look at only in the evening as they were preparing for sleep, only made them laugh.

“Ah, that’s what you’re talking about. Come on, if they keep this bed in a double room, it means it won’t collapse under anyone. And I assume that many have tried…”

“Your Grace.”

“I mean, this is a double room…”

“Your Grace,” Lemony repeated, shaking his head. Despite his deliberately disapproving voice, he was smiling. “Sometimes I cannot believe you belong to the cream of society.”

“That’s because you do not spend enough time among all that cream. It is sour at best,” R climbed under the blanket. Her legs were aching a little after wandering the town and the museum, and the dubious bed felt like a paradisiacal cloud to her. “Hey, what’s with the face? Are you all right?”

“Yes. No,” Lemony hesitated. “May I ask you something?”

R tensed up.

“Go ahead,” she consented. She had suspicions regarding what was bothering her friend, and she was not sure she wanted to talk about that.

“Do you hate me?”

R reached out and touched his forehead. Lemony frowned.

“What are you doing?”

Stalling for time, she thought, but what she said out loud, naturally, was a whole different thing.

“Checking if you have fever, since you seem to be raving.”

“R, I am being serious,” Lemony pushed her hand away softly. Both of them were lying on their sides, face to face, and in the mellow light of the night lamp Ramona could see it clearly that he was talking completely seriously indeed – she could read it in his eyes and on his lips. “I am not asking you for politeness; I am asking for an honest answer. If my company is oppressive to you, I will get a separate room, and tomorrow we can organize work so that our paths would cross as seldom as possible.”

Ramona rolled her eyes.

“Fine,” she spoke. “You want honesty? Here’s your honesty. No, I do not hate you. I love you, you fool,” and she wasn’t lying, wasn’t trying to spare his feelings. Lemony was her best friend from their very childhood. Despite his peculiar personality, it was easy for her to love him – it was a genuine, virtually familial attachment that was not complicated by anything superfluous.

“And Beatrice?”

He was watching her so intently and sadly that she couldn’t bear it and closed her eyes. She was silent. He kept waiting.

“I love her too,” she said finally. If her love for Lemony was simple and straightforward, then her love for Beatrice was disconcerting, at times uplifting, at times stupefying, and only one thing was clear: while there was friendship in it (in R’s opinion, no real love was possible without friendship at all), there was certainly nothing familial about it. “As if you do not know that.”

“I do,” Lemony confirmed. She opened her eyes again and looked at him. Of course he knew everything and even more. In the area of romantic feelings towards Beatrice Baudelaire he was no less of an expert than she.

R sighed.

“You know I would not come between you, now that she has finally made up her mind and chosen you,” she said firmly, to him and to that small nasty part of her soul that kept wondering why Lemony Snicket should get what she had been dreaming of. “I cherish both of you too much. That may come as a shock to you, but crushes come and go,” shit, she promised to be honest, but when one is not completely sure if what one says is true, that does not count as a lie, does it? “But friends like the two of you are hard to come by. Are you going to ask me if I am happy for you? No, I am not happy that the girl I liked chose you,” that was a good word, ‘like’, it made everything less significant. “But I am happy that the two of my closest friends are together, and doing fine. Well, as fine as it can be for the most dramatic people I know.”

“Hmm,” was all that Lemony said. He covered her hand with his. “I believe that you wouldn’t lie to me, and I want you to know that I am sincerely sorry that it all turned out like this. If I can do anything for you…”

“You can,” R propped herself up on one elbow. She was eager to be done with this conversation as soon as possible. The more they discussed that, the more she thought about Beatrice, and so the more difficult it was to let her go. And she had already decided that she would let her go – it could not go one like this anymore. She deserved better. All of them deserved better. Maybe Lemony and Beatrice enjoyed drama, but she preferred comedy. “Stop trying to set me up with every girl we meet that I say is cute. Or at least stop using literary quotes for that purpose, I am begging you.”

Now it was Lemony’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Ramona, please, I’ve already apologized…”

“We still have to face that receptionist in the morning, you know.”

“What’s wrong with quotes?”

“They perplex normal people. Some things exist for VFD internal use only,” R put her head on the pillow again and winked at him. “Now let us go to sleep already, shall we?”

***

“Do you think I should cut my hair?” Kit asked.

Bertrand looked up from the book, the preface to which was supposed to contain an encrypted message, and shifted his gaze to his friend. She was combing her hair by a rather dirty oval mirror. Usually Kit put her hair in a bun or a ponytail, and occasionally Bertrand (and many other people, in all likelihood) forgot how long and voluminous it was – a heavy brown waterfall.

“If you are tired of your current hairstyle, then by all means you should,” he observed. “What is important is your own opinion on that.”

“I see. I don’t even know what I expected,” Kit put the comb down on the only nightstand present in the sparsely furnished motel room, and started plaiting her hair for the night. “Bertrand and his famed diplomacy…”

Bertrand put the book aside.

“We can do without diplomacy,” he said in a tired voice, took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He and Kit had driven for four hours today, and tomorrow they had to drive as much. The heat was unimaginable, the air conditioner in the taxi kept acting up, they had already eaten all the food they had with them, and the only kind of food one could come by in that part of the Hinterlands were crappy hot dogs and candy sold at gas stations. “I remember Olaf used to shower your hair with compliments all the time, and I get your wish to do something to spite him, but if you’re going to cut it every time the two of you split up, you’ll go broke splurging on hairdresser’s services.”

“This is not ‘every’ time,” Kit threw her plait over her shoulder. “There will be no next time. And that has nothing to do with him. As to hairdressers, I can cut my own hair just fine. Now, if you like – I got scissors in my bag…”

“I think you should get some sleep and think about this in the morning.”

The bed creaked when Kit climbed onto her half of it. As the old guy at the reception explained to them, there were no single rooms in the motel. “You can have one room with no trouble,” he told them in a conspiratorial voice. “Not a soul for many miles around! No one will know.” That amused them: it wasn’t often that they got mistaken for a couple. Bertrand was under the impression that the two of them, in their glasses of the same shape and even often with a similar facial expression, must rather resemble relatives – if not siblings, then cousins. “Easy, B,” he heard Jacques Snicket’s voice in his head. “This is my twin sister, not yours.” Bertrand grinned.

“Olaf isn’t the only one who likes your hair, you know,” he pointed out. “For example, Beatrice said that they are, and I quote, ‘gorgeous’. She’s even a little bit jealous.”

“Is that so?” Kit said. It was as if something in her face changed when he mentioned Beatrice, but that might have also been just a trick of the light in the dusk – the floor lamp by the bed, the nervously blinking neon sign outside. “I see you and her have grown quite close lately.”

“We are working on a new production together.”

Kit was right, of course. He and Beatrice had been working at the same theatre for years, but they only really bonded lately, when the actor who was to play her lover had to leave on VFD business and his part in the play was given to Bertrand. Frankly speaking, he didn’t like Beatrice much until recently. He used to think her too loud and careless and pretentious, yet now the closer they got, the more he became convinced it was just another role that Beatrice used to protect her real self from fake friends, bootlickers, and the press. There was something extremely flattering in being allowed behind that façade, allowed to see the less kempt but at the same time more cosy space that it was hiding. Bertrand hoped to justify her confidence and not to lose her friendship – which was precisely why he knew well that at a certain point, they have to cease growing closer to each other.

“I am not saying anything of that sort,” Kit remarked. “It is logical that the actors playing a pair of sweethearts spend a lot of time together – it is necessary to practice… and so on.”

Bertrand turned off the floor lamp. It crossed his mind immediately that he shouldn’t have done that at that moment. It might have looked as if he didn’t want Kit to see his face or, for instance, to notice he was blushing. Not that he was actually blushing, of course.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “Your brother’s relationship is under no threat. I am not the kind of person who could do that.” He almost added “Not to him”, but stopped short. He wanted to believe that he was not the type to ruin someone else’s happiness in any case, but there was something especially important in not ruining Lemony Snicket’s happiness. For a long time, their interaction used to come down to the debates of varying degree of seriousness, the non-committal (at least at first sight) discussions at the get-togethers, and Bertrand’s sincere frustration that Snicket seemed to dislike him. It was only lately that a careful friendship had come into being between them. When Bertrand tried to analyze that friendship, he ended up overwhelmed with the same feeling of awkwardness that resulted from his attempts to analyze his growing closeness with Beatrice, so he just allowed that friendship to grow, trying not to think of anything too hard. Anything but one thing: Lemony Snicket certainly was on the list of people he never ever wanted to cause any pain.

“I know,” Kit replied. He couldn’t see her face: he was lying on his back, and she was on her side. But he could guess that she was smiling, and that her smile was far from being carefree. He couldn’t guess why, and he wasn’t sure he should. “Have you set the alarm?”

“For six, as agreed. Will you be able to drive at that unearthly hour?”

“You insult me,” now she must have been smiling from the bottom of her heart. “I could have driven all night without stopping for sleep. We’re in this doghole solely because I had pity on you, B. Appreciate it.”

“I do appreciate,” he turned over to his side too. The thin curtains provided no protection from the handfuls of pink and green light that the neon sign was throwing at their window. Bertrand could make out the stripes on Kit’s pyjamas and the thick plait on her pillow, reminiscent of one of Monty’s snakes in the twilight. He remembered Kit’s words about the scissors in the bag. “So, have you changed your mind about cutting your hair?”

“I have,” she answered, and he seemed to hear something strange in her voice and didn’t wish her good night, because he didn’t know what she, in turn, could hear in his.

#asoue #a series of unfortunate events #duchess of winnipeg #lemony snicket #bertrand baudelaire #kit snicket #gella talks snicketverse #snicketverse #my fic #beatrice x r #and other ships i don't have separate tags for #people talk and nothing happens: a classic fic by me #how soon am i gonna regret trying to write kit? we'll see #talk talk talk

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gaad · 4 years ago

Text

“The State as apparatus of capture has a power of appropriation; but this power does not consist solely in capturing all that it can, all that is possible, of a matter defined as phylum. The apparatus of capture also appropriates the war machine, the instruments of polarization, and the anticipation prevention mechanisms. This is to say, conversely, that anticipation prevention mechanisms have a high power of transference (...)”. “(...) (W)ar machines have a power of metamorphosis, which of course allows them to be captured by States, but also to resist that capture and rise up again in other forms, with other “objects” besides war (revolution?). Each power is a force of deterritorialization that can go along with the others or go against them (...). Each process can switch over to other powers, but also subordinate other processes to its own power.” (1) “The idea of a constitution (...) involves not only the idea of hierarchy of authority or power but also that of a hierarchy of rules or laws, where those possessing a higher degree of generality and proceeding from a superior authority control the contents of the more specific laws that are passed by a delegated authority.” (2) It is time for a new humanism. Time to set a place, a forum able to stage the powers of today. Time to call up the ancient, dispose them, squeez them, twist them to reassess todays world. We have lost the meaning of natural proportions, let us look at godly excess. Monotheic religion castrated our apprehension of the world, seeing things either good or bad. The polytheic family encompasses the world and beyond, spinning around our prosaic flatland. A figure founded on intricated concepts is a powerfull constellation naviguating above polysemic ambiguities. As the grand daughter of the Philantropist eponym Elisabeth Murdoch, Elisabeth Murdoch feels the will to engage her vision in the public debat. Since her childhood she was confronted to a rigourous, competitive, mostly manly world. Inspired by her grandmother she cultivated a spiritual friendship with greek feminin characters. Grew up with them. Now her interest does not lie in presenting her various personal relations with them but to stage them. “(...)(A)dvertising, news, publicity, periodical literature.” This is Elisabeth's inherited background. “(...) They work to a single end: to give the stamp of authenticity and value to the style of life that emanates from the metropolis.They establish the national brand: they attempt to control the national market: they create a picture of a unified, homogeneous, completely standardized population that bears, in fact, no relation to the actual regional sub stratum—although in the course of time it partly succeeds in producing the thing it has imagined.” Take Paris for example: “(...) the Champs Elysées, become the goals of vulgar ambition (and a)dvertisement becomes the “spiritual power” of this new regime.” (3)

“This is the moment when the masterpieces of ancient sculpture are about to appear in all their glory in front of the eyes of France (...) (they) have chosen to live amongst the French, and are to be adored in their living images. Ah! Who would be able to step into the temple of these divinities without saying to himself: these masterpieces, these gods had ceased to be gods for us; the cult of Antiquity had been forgotten; who would believe it?(...); it is Vien, it is David, who then made themselves into their apostles and ministers; it is through them that this great revolution, which has at least given us the hope of creating gods ourselves, has taken place in the arts.” (4)

The time of revolution is now back but as Foucault said : “il faut avoir une méfiance absolue et totale à l'égard de tout ce qui se présente comme un retour. L'une des raisons de cette méfiance est logique : il n'y a jamais, en fait, de retour.”(5) Therefore the story of Elisabeth's friends will intentionally follow the unfaithfull path. In Momus from Alberti “the extended climax (of the seventh book) occurs in an urban theater where the gods act as their own effigies(, Alberti) repeatedly uses the word persona (and so will we) (“mask” or “personality'') to underline the false, theatrical behavior of his characters.” (6) “Or, as is the case now, the mask assures the erection, the construction of the (new) face (of Elisabeth), the fascialization of the head and the body: the mask is now the face itself, the abstraction or operation of the face. The inhumanity of the face.” (1) So be it. Let them be the masked actors of a twisted tragedy, trapped in their performance, speculating above our heads, fertilizing our ground. A spectacle of a new kind. Let them play, individually, together, contradict each other, themselves. Let them work as technologies, systems, embedded in concepts and rituals. “They (a)re living geometry, lines and curves of color, entwined into a coalescing whole yet maintaining distinct identities.” (7)

Three personas. Pandora, Circe, Metis. Not the ones we usually know. Their Alter Ego. The ones who stand up, do not apologize. This is Elisabeth's Friends. Pandora has inherited a box, a jarre which contains unspeakable truth. She knows now how to sort things, pick up elements, unleash others. Circe masters metamorphosis by exploring with drugs and potions. She learned to articulate her recipes and to play with the right parameters and Metis is renowned for his wiseness and cunning, making problems no longer valid. As a constellation, they are powerful. As a unity, they can deal with the plenty, transform it. As an unfaithful story, it accesses the realm of discussion. As statuses, they need a sophisticated territory from which to operate, a palace. Three Faces where “(i)t is not the individuality of (each) face that counts but the efficacy of the ciphering it makes possible, and in what cases it makes it possible.(...) The face is a surface, (...) the face is a map.” (1 ) “How disappointing this answer seems to be! We asked what was the origin of Ideas and where problems come from: in reply we invoke throws of the dice, imperatives and questions of chance instead of an apodictic principle; an aleatory point at which everything becomes ungrounded instead of a solid ground.” (8)

“For each genre, now, the problem will be to decide whether its audience is such as to demand utility or delight or both, and what brand of either of these will be acceptable to it.” (9) To anchor ourselves we will now deepen our reflexion in space with Alberti and Vitruve. But keep in mind : “The mathematics that is needed here is of a new brand.” (10) Their concept and ideas of proportions being a fertile ground from which we should elevate. This palace will be a theater, a circus and a amphitheater, simultaneously, as the temple of our time, able to adapt to change, suitable to glorify the unknown. If we follow Alberti and Vitruve who compare the three typologies as such: “(...) (W)e will describe both manners of spectacles. In the first, which is for the delight of peaceful times, are introduced the poets, musicians, and actors. In the second, which regard the studies of war, are performed different kinds of duels and contests having to do with bodily strength and dexterity.To the former is dedicated the theatre, a name which means both ‘spectacle’ and ‘a place to watch’.To the latter, which are spectacles of agility and dexterity such as running or jumping, is dedicated the circus. To events such as assaults and fights against animals or men is dedicated the amphitheatre. There are some things that are proper to all of these spectacles: first, that they are horn shaped and curved; next, that they have an open space in the middle; and finally, that they have steps all around and raised places where people can sit and watch.” (11) “But then they differ as to the Form of the aforesaid Area; for those which have this Area in the Shape of a Moon in its Decrease are called Theatres, but when the Horns are protracted a great Way forwards, they are called Circusses, because in them the Chariots make a Circle about the Goal.” (12) So if we follow them and we free this typologies from their form, we can imagine a place which could embody the spectacle. The Palace of Spectacle. This Palace will be entered through a garden where a fountain lies at its very center. Heron's Fountain one could claim. Another form of spectacle.

1) Deleuze Guattari, A Thousand Plateaus 2) Hayek, The Constitution of Liberty 3) Mumford, The Culture of Cities 4) Harrison Wood Gaiger, Art in Theory 1648 1815 5) Foucault, Le savoir, le pouvoir et l'espace 6) Alberti, Momus (Preface) 7) Asimov, Complete Robot Anthology 8) Deleuze, Difference and Repetition 9) Weinberg, A History of Literary Criticism in the Italian Renaissance 1 10) Ayache, The Blank Swan 11) Williams, Daniele Barbaros Vitruvius of 1567 12) Alberti, 10 books of architecture 1755

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Further quotes:

Vitruve

these vessels - ( poor vessels) large jars made of clay, but similarly resonant

THE plan of the theatre itself is to be constructed as follows. Having fixed upon the principal centre, draw a line of circumference equivalent to what is to be the perimeter at the bottom, and in it inscribe four equilateral triangles, at equal distances apart and touching the boundary line of the circle, as the astrologers do in a figure of the twelve signs of the zodiac, when they are making computations from the musical harmony of the stars. Taking that one of these triangles whose side is nearest to the scaena, let the front of the scaena be determined by the line where that side cuts off a segment of the circle (A B), and draw, through the centre, a parallel line (C D) set off from that position, to separate the platform of the stage from the space of the orchestra.

The circus was based, so it is said, on the heavens

Unlike that of the amphitheater, the central area of a circus was not empty, nor was it filled with a stage, like that of a theater --------------------------------------------------------------- Alberti

We have dealt with the theater; next we shall discuss the circus and amphitheater.All buildings of this type are derived from the theater: a circus is nothing but a theater with its wings extended along parallel lines, although its nature does not require the addition of a portico; an amphitheater, meanwhile, consists of two theaters, their tiers linked into a continuous circle.They differ in that the theater is a form of semiamphitheater; another difference is that the central area of the amphitheater is quite empty and free of any stage. In every other respect they are similar, especially in their tiers, porticoes, passages, and so on. The amphitheater, we think, was built originally for the hunt; this was why they decided to make it round, so that the wild beast, trapped there and baited, with no corner into which to retreat, would be easier for the hunters to provoke.

The rest of the ornament is taken from the temple

The theater takes the lineament of its area from the hoofprint of a horse.Once this is done, the uppermost portico is built on top. The facade and colonnade of this portico do not receive light from outside, as those we have described below it do, but face instead toward the central area of the theater, as we have mentioned already. This work prevents sound from escaping, and compresses and fortifies it; we shall therefore call the work the circumvallation.

--------------------------------------------------------------------- Perrault (on Vitruvius)

And the Paintings represented three sorts of Buildings, which made three sorts of Scenes, viz. The Tragick by Magnificent Pallaces, the Comick by Private Houses, the Satyrical (i. e. the Pastoral) by Fields and Groves.The Parascenium or Postscenium was the hinder part of the Theater, and the place whither the Actors retired and dressed themselves, and had their Rehearsals, and where the Machines were kept.Near the Theaters, were Publick Walks, in length a Stadium, which is about 90 Perches. There were Trees planted

#gaadc #text

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migleefulmoments · 5 years ago

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This is not about being a “hater”. This is about helping you understand that Crisscolfer is based on faulty logic and lies. It’s about caring about the truth.

Abby wrote what I call a “masterpost” of the most recent proof she has that cc is still together. It’s the information she’s using right now to reassure herself that she’s right. The problem is that the conclusions she draws for why each social media post was made are illogical and erroneous conclusions. They aren’t logical, methodical, reasonable conclusion...period.

Social media posts can be misleading and people certainly do make posts that portray a certain storyline. But it isn’t reasonable to conclude that Darren or Chris are using Instagram to tell their deepest darkest secrets to complete strangers. Neither man divulges much about their personal life on social media. In fact, the cc fandom mentions that often. Chris has a quote they love to repeat about not living on social media and Darren has said many times that he takes a lot of photos but he doesn’t post it online because he’s too busy living the moment.

Let’s look at the post and analyze why Abby’s conclusions are wrong (my comments are italicized in parenthesis).

Anonymous asked: why do you think they're still going strong? all evidence points to an amicable split a couple years ago

@ajw720 answered: not at all nonnie, not at all. First, have you read ATOM? I beg of you to read it if you have not. (I am reading it and it isn’t at all about Darren and Chris. It’s a story about children who are ostracized for being magical. It’s an allegory for being gay or being different in ways that society doesn’t accept. The children are sent to conversion therapy. It’s irrational and unreasonable to conclude it is a cc bible. The facts are: It’s a children’s book series, Chris isn’t interested in sharing his personal life at all with fans let alone, his deepest darkest secrets. Chris didn’t write an “It gets better” book for LGBTQ children only to use it to out Darren. Gay men don’t out other gay men by writing children's books. Chris has never said -or even hinted- it is an autobiography, he’s never suggested it is a love story based on his life. He started the series when he was 8 or 9 which included the character Froggy. Chris has several messages he likes to tell in his stories and he isn’t subtle in his lessons. He isn’t a subtle writer, yet Abby claims that at least 5 or 6 characters in TLOS are Darren and just as many are Chris. Instead of reading the book and hearing Chris’s message, she uses it for confirmation bias in a variety of characters and storylines. She finds the parts that FIT her PRECONCEIVED idea of the cc storyline. It’s a fantasy-not realty.

Second, have you seen the excessive use of the PA since october 25? i believe a pic and/or video has been posted of him about 23 times in just about 4 weeks. That is up from 0 in the 5 months that preceded it. w is only required to be held out as the fake bf if cc is on. (This theory is predicated on the theory that Will is important to “cc is real”. This is another erroneous assumption that Abby concluded long ago as a way to explain why Will is around Chris so often. WIll is around because he is Chris’s boyfriend. Chris has said so with both his words and actions. Using Will’s presence on Chris’s social media as proof that cc is going strong- that Will is “mac and cheese” to the fandom is illogical-for one, out gay men do not have beards. There is no reason that Will showing up in Chris’s posts would prove cc is still together. That is another erroneous conclusion Abby reached long ago when she needed to explain away why Chris is posting pics of Will. The fact is that Will is always in Chris’s Halloween pics, their annual Disney trip, and Will’s birthday post. This year Chris also happened to post some other events they attended together so that he posted 10 pics of Will in the last 2 months.. Coming to the conclusion that Chris posting more pics of Will is proof of anything related to cc is like arguing that 1+1=322. Will being on Chris’s Instagram has nothing to do with Darren. The “23 videos and photos” include posts made by fans, friends and other people. It’s preposterous to claim that fan pics of Will or a friend posting his pic are because of the cc storyline).

Did you watch the recent interview c did? first it is brilliant so you should watch it. and then he said this;

It is unfortunate that for some people you want to apply that phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” to the mental side of things too. But sometimes what doesn’t kill you, makes you suicidal. And it is really up to you “am i going to let this kill me or am i going to let this motivate me.” and sometimes when I hear people say this, i want to throw things at them, so I am going to say this very tongue and cheek, sometimes it really is a a choice, not a choice, sometimes I don’t think your point of view or interpretation of things you are going through can be a choice. Sometimes things are just so tragic that you just have to feel what you are feeling so it can work itself out.

(There is nothing in that quote that suggests he’s speaking about the last 5-6 years of his life or Darren Criss or a secret love or TPTB forcing Darren in the closet. He said that “sometimes the shit of life gets you down and how you respond matters”. He could be speaking about a lot of things that are very difficult for young adults. Claiming he said anything else is an irrational conclusion based on confirmation bias. She hears him speak about Darren because that is the storyline she already believes is true but Chris isn’t saying anything that suggests he’s speaking about Darren).

C made sure to have an alibi the night of the fraud in NOLA. (Why would he need an alibi? The logical conclusion to why he posted about going to a friend’s show on Darren’s wedding night is they aren’t close friends and his post had nothing to do with Darren at all. But I’ll play along for a minute and imagine cc is real: If the love of his life was marrying someone they both “despise”, Chris would have been devastated, not out enjoying a night of entertainment-and walking a red carpet/photo op. He barely does that ever- he certainly isn’t going to do it on his worst day. He was with Will and he didn’t post the pic himself. If he was pushing a narrative then he would have posted the pic. It’s very unfair to claim that things that other people post are messages he is sending-it’s putting words into his mouth. Chris had no reason to prove he wasn’t in NOLA, he clearly wasn’t in the wedding photos. Claiming he went out to a show with his long-term boyfriend to prove he wasn’t with Darren at his wedding is a silly argument.)

They walked around NYC dressed like twins on October 1, 2019. And the hickey. (Concluding that two people who were wearing jeans, glasses and dark shirts are “dressed alike” is wrong enough but concluding that similarities in their lives prove they are a couple is preposterous. We all know that wasn’t a hickey for so many reasons from the shape to the fact it was gone in photos taken later that day to Darren wouldn’t walk around on a press day with a huge hickey on his neck. You can see from photos taken that day, they hardly looked like twins. There is nothing rationale about looking for similarities in their lives to prove they are in a secret relationship. They are nothing more than coincidences. Claiming it is a hickey after she was told by so many people that it wasn’t- including ccer is a great example of how Abby doubles down on lies if it suits her needs. She isn’t interested in the truth- only proving she’s right.)

C’s SM. He just recently posted his second pic of him in a tinhat, the 1st right after the encage. You know, the day he wore the shirt that says “everything you know is a lie.” He really has had some blatant posts. also, sometimes reflection is a really interesting thing. (Again, unreasonable conclusions are made: Chris’s “second tinhat” photo was a pic of him getting his hair highlighted with foils-a very common technique for highlighting hair. He posted it to garner publicity for his book tour. It’s irrational to conclude that he was sending a secret message to a small group of fans to reassure them that he supports “tinhats” when Chris has actually said several times that he isn’t in a relationship with Darren and has expressed anger over fans’ comments about them as a couple. He also wrote a book that included the main character with Chris’s initials expressing his anger with fans shipping him with his costar. The first photo was not a support of Crisscolfer tinhatting but a reference to Chris’s own belief in aliens- he’s holding an alien stuffed toy and wearing a shirt that has aliens on it.)

halloween when they set up the perfect SM riot. They started with the release of pics with CC in the background, proving to the haters that they in fact our friends and then 2 weeks later, AF posted a pic that included C and PBB but no D. (Here we have an example of how Abby’s conclusions are based on several erroneous assumptions leading up to one big faulty conclusion. The tops of Chris and Darren’s heads were photographed at a busy, crowded party proving they were speaking and nothing more. Abby’s claim that they purposefully caused the riot assumes 1. that they planned the photograph, 2. they distributed the photograph or knew the right people would see it and get their message, 3.that either Chris or Darren- or both- are very interested and motivated to make sure that complete strangers know intimate details of their personal lives and that they both want to spread this information via very impersonal and public social media. Claiming that Ashley posted a pic of Mia to prove “cc is real” is another unreasonable conclusion. Let’s address the assumptions: 1. There is no way they could tell the tops of their heads were in the camera frame. Even in an uncrowded room, it would be difficult but with several people between them and the camera, it just isn’t possible to know that the tops of their heads were within the frame. 2. They had no way of ensuring fans would get the message. They couldn’t be sure that fans would stalk the party photos and find the tops of their heads in the background. If they wanted a photo of them talking seen by fans, they had several avenues of making that happen- they both have PR teams and their own social media accounts, and Darren’s team was there. 3. The theory that they intentionally caused a “cc riot” by doing nothing more than standing and chatting at a party isn’t logical. There is no reason for them to even want to share something like “Darren is closeted” or “Chris and Darren are in a relationship” with complete strangers and they would have no control of the messaging. Smart celebs don’t release info about themselves using a method that takes all control away from themselves. It’s the same reason that I know Darren would never stand on a car and scream “I’m gay” to a bunch of strangers-it’s not smart. Claiming they intentionally wanted the world to know they were together at the party and therefore “still going strong” means they purposefully put a deeply personal part of their private lives into the world in a way that gives something valuable to the cc fandom-reassurance- but gives Chris and Darren nothing in return. They lose control of their personal info-something important to both men- but they get nothing back. Neither Chris nor Darren share much information about their private lives and they certainly don’t do it on social media. When they do share personal stories, it is during interviews. Rationalizing that Ashley posted a photo of Mia to prove cc is real is another erroneous assumption. Nothing about that photo proves Chris and Darren are in a relationship-it proves that Ashley felt that photo was a good one to post for reasons she didn’t indicate but there is nothing to suggest she posted it on behalf of Chris to shade Mia)

they are absolutely still going strong and I would say pay attention to the details, but at this point, you don’t even really need to look that close, it is incredibly blatant. (The confirmation bias in the cc fandom is all-encompassing. Abby simply cannot be wrong and she analyzes everything to find the “cc still going strong” storyline. She doesn’t look at the situation and learn from it, she twists reality to FIT HER storyline. “Pay attention to the details” is a euphemism for “twist the truth to make it cc positive”. It’s deeply disrespectful to both Chris and Darren to refuse to HEAR what either man is saying-or SEE how they are living- and instead, spend all of your time and effort rewriting their life stories. Basing your conclusions on faulty logic leads to misdirections-it’s how you find yourself believing untrue stories for a decade and counting. The question isn’t whether Chris and Darren’s private lives are different from how they present them- it is their prerogative to keep their personal lives private from the public. The question is why can’t you respect that their personal lives are theirs and only theirs and that fans have no right to debunk their truths? Why can’t you understand that going on their social media and posting about Crisscolfer is the most disrespectful and cruel thing you can do. Believing you know the truth about a stranger’s life because you are “paying attention” while simultaneously ignoring everything that proves you are wrong is hurtful to Chris and Darren but it’s more hurtful to you. You are teaching yourself how to draw illogical conclusions and to make erroneous assumptions.You are literally grooming yourself to believe lies and it cannot be contained to the cc fandom, it is something that will sneak into the other parts of your life until you have no ability to make assessments and draw accurate conclusions about important things in your life.You will never understand when you are being conned because you’ve spent some -or all -of the last 10 years methodically teaching yourself how to disregard the truth, ignore facts, and draw illogical conclusions.

I don’t know if Christian Bale actually said this, I can’t find it on his feed, but the sentiment is still 100% accurate-other celebs have expressed the same feeling

#crisscolfer

#crisscolfer tag take back

#cc #ccer #cc fandom #crisscolfer #darren criss #Chris colfer #debunking CC lies #debunking cc nonsense #faulty logic #erroneous assumptions #convincing herself that cc is still going strong #still going strong #lies lies lies lies

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ingayderzim · 5 years ago

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not to be that person who asks a googleable question but wtf is hazbin hotel bc i googled it and the only “critical” thing i could find was a typo-ridden article of someone saying it has good animation and its haters are stupid. i was able to glean what it is/what it’s about but idk about the discourse lmao

Im actually so glad u asked this. Here's the lowdown, this is my definitive answer to hazbin shit from here on out, unless new info comes about of course.

Hazbin hotel is an independent cartoon by vivziepop. Most people (that ive seen) have agreed that the pilot of the show really isnt that great but the reason it has so many fans is bc of the entertaining livestreams, massive amounts of canon content produced (she has had these characters for years), unique art style, and the characters. (Ass ugly but unique.)

Its haters are totally justified bc of some of the "controversial" (read: bad) things vivziepop has done. Here's the conclusion that my friends and classmates (several of whom are Black, one Hispanic woman, and one trans woman...nellie if ur reading this i 💜 u) and i came to after discussing this stuff. I am NOT saying "well my black/trans friend said it's ok so i dont have to think about it!" this is based on a few different conversations that my friends and i have had about this topic so what im saying is that my opinion was formed by talking about this situation with multiple people affected by the controversy.

One controversial thing is a drawing u can easily find on google (called beastiality.jpg i believe?) It's a cropped (chest and up, but hes obv naked) drawing of vivziepops character, drawn by vivziepop, moaning, with a snake around him. The character is 17. Many people have interpreted this as child porn. I dont think this image is pornographic, i think it's a stupid joke (it was even tagged as a joke iirc) and completely inappropriate but since it's 8 years old on top of not being porn, i think it's just an example of a dumb drawing. That being said, i would NEVER argue that someone who is uncomfortable w the drawing (im uncomfortable with it! It's gross just not porn) or considers it porn is wrong. They are entitled to that opinion and i would never expose them to vivziepops work or talk about her stuff around them if they expressed to me that they disliked the image.

Another thing is that she drew a doodle of two racist TERFs. This is the one where my friends of color, my friends who are black, and my friends who are trans women took the lead. I sat back for this part and here's their and my opinion on this after talking about it and verbally going through this whole situation.

She was following these women (who had done blackface and stuff) and drew art of them. The art was a "quick doodle" that she did apologize for and she said she didn't realize the extent of their beliefs. She knew they werent great but hadnt consumed much of their content in depth. I believe her bc while ive never followed anyone as bad, ive certainly followed some pieces of shit and didnt notice for months simply bc im not online all the time and bc of the volume of people i follow, combined with the non chronological algorithms lately.

At the risk of screwing myself, im going to admit that there was about a year or so of my life where i enjoyed The Amazing Atheist. I was even subbed to him. I was a nonbinary lesbian (2 things he cant stand lmaoo) in catholic school and therefore i strictly watched his videos about theological stuff since thats what was frustrating me at the time. I had no clue the type of evil racist, transphobic, homophobic (yes ik hes bi), misogynistic things he thought, said, and did, bc i didnt watch those videos. I literally only watched select theological ones that could be of use to me while edgily debating my teachers (sorry mrs macdougal but u had it coming). I was about 15 at the time and im 19 now. Im sorry to everyone i hurt by ever having supported him. I had one of his quotes written in the inside of my religion notebook in high school. I regretted it and ripped the page out the moment i discovered the truth about him. I cant stress enough how much I HATE HIM. Thats an example of what i think happened here tho.

One of my friends who is a trans woman said (paraphrasing) "i think the worst thing shes done is that terf art but i believe the apology especially bc it was a quick drawing."

That being said, i would NEVER argue with someone who wanted nothing to do w vivziepop bc of this. That's their right. 100%. I would never expose them to her work after that.

The last thing i remember is something about a pedophilic couple in a comic but i heard it was a 17 year old and a 19 year old. Im 19 and if one of my peers did that i wouldnt say pedophile but id say ur a fucking weirdo, BUT, the kids were fake and being written by an adult so i can totally see her thinking that age gap is much less of a big deal than it really is. Like she forgot what it's like at this age. Idk how true any of that part is tho, i heard that info entirely secondhand.

Another thing to do with racism is that there's a joke within the show where one character says to the other

"don't get your taco in a twist"

"Was that supposed to be racist or sexist?"

"Whichever one pisses you off more"

I thought that was gross but one of my friends pointed out that vivziepop is of el salvadorian descent so that's her business. Like if i made a lesbian joke of equal or greater offensiveness than that and someone tried to call me lesbophobic over it id be like "that's literally my territory."

Oh speaking of which that character's name is vaggie and shes a lesbian but it's not pronounced w the same G you'd hear in "vagina." Vivziepop seems to name characters weirdly (like how in helluva boss theres a guy named blitzo and the o is silent) so maybe it's a pussy joke but i have no idea.

The animation was.................better than i could do, i wanna say the faces and gestures were good but god i remember there was a part with a car and my gf had to pause so i could laugh my ass off at it. I wouldn't describe the animation as a highlight but i liked the style in motion i thought it was a fun change. Vivziepops style is not appealing imo but i appreciate it as an art student and as someone whose friends all like she ra and steven universe where every character looks the goddamn motherfucking same, and while its chaotic and i dont care for it, the style actually works way better in motion than you'd think.

A good rule that i def use is to assume hazbin fans are guilty until proven innocent. If someone says they dont care about the discourse surrounding it and like it no matter what, RUN! They would support the show even if the creator was in fact a pedophile, or had done the blackface/was a terf herself! They probably support some horrible ppl and are probably "anti antis." A lot of them are minors tho so i'd say block and move on.

So, do i like it or not? Im an art student and all my friends like it so while i didnt think it was funny, i do fuck with it. At the convention this weekend my friends and i had a convo that led to me drawing an ahego hoodie where the faces were angel dust (a character's) face. It was a joke that i could make a killing by selling that in a booth at a con.

Theres really nothing compelling about the show but my friends like it so i join in on their conversations, and i do have a soft spot for angel dust bc he's like a worse, less amazing and gorgeous version of one of my characters, Candy, the love of my life.

A lot of people say the show was edgy/offensive and maybe im just desensitized but besides the taco thing i didnt pick up on that whatsoever??? The Archer episode "Swiss Miss" is worse than helluva boss and hazbin combined and even archer isn't offensive.

Im probably not aware of all the "discourse" (aka people being reasonably uncomfortable by weird and bad shit this random woman has done, and other ppl saying their opinions are wrong when it's literally just an opinion about a show) so if anything she's done isnt included in here it's not to defend vivziepop, this is genuinely all i know. I wouldnt describe myself as a fan of hers.

#hazbin hotel #anon

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autumnrory · 6 years ago

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okay ik like everything’s been said about steve’s ending in endgame and i’ve made a million little posts but i’ve been meaning to write my own essay bc i’m MAD (if u liked it for him then like i’m sure u don’t wanna read so u can scroll on past) and there’s a lot of other stuff i didn’t like/that didn’t make sense about the movie but this post is about steve anyway let’s go

so from what i can tell there is not even a consensus among people who liked the ending whether it’s the same timeline or an alternate timeline but let’s talk about the possibilities here and what they mean, at least based on my understanding

option 1: same timeline

this means one of two things. either steve was actually peggy’s husband all along OR by going back and marrying her, that erases her husband and children entirely.

so if steve was peggy’s husband all along, that means that?? old steve has been walking around this entire time and nobody knew about it? this means that in 2016 sharon carter was like “you know what would be fun? kissing my great uncle when he’s young and hot” which WOW i thought it was icky before just bc she was PEGGY’S niece? marvel might have just made that worse. and hey, i’ll be fair, i’m sure in the very little time they likely took to think about this ending, they definitely weren’t thinking about sharon, considering they hardly thought about her when she was actually appearing in the movies. if steve was peggy’s husband all along, that means she was lying in the smithsonian footage, which hey, i don’t doubt her ability to lie, but the whole ass video is floating around out there and i’m just not sure you can fake that kind of emotion. when they ask her about her being the last person to talk to steve? that is a person talking about losing someone they cared for six years ago. it just contradicts so much of catws and other parts of the mcu (and the idea that people have that this was the plan the entire time? yeah fucking right the writers do not plan like that if they did there wouldn’t be so many fucking inconsistencies in this universe. i’m willing to bet they couldn’t name peggy’s husband in catws bc they were planning agent carter and thought there would be an explicit confirmation of who it was) and anyway, even if steve was her husband all along, there’s no way either steve or peggy could have KNOWN that she didn’t have a future being erased. so would either of them have really WANTED to take that chance?

the other option is of course that peggy moved on from steve, fell in love with somebody else, got married, had children, grandchildren, etc. if that’s the case, that means steve just changed her entire storyline. and who knows what marrying steve could have changed. it just........okay, agent carter was the first thing in the mcu i watched before i even knew shit about captain america (literally when they showed flashbacks i was like *maria hill voice* who’s this guy) but while we don’t know with any certainty that daniel sousa was the guy she ended up married to, i would have to guess steve went back to BEFORE she and daniel got together, meaning that like the entirety of agent carter is probably erased. her whole INCREDIBLE journey. i’ve read a million things the last week so if someone can let me know who the fuck said this, please do, but anyway someone said peggy’s story really begins when steve goes into the ice and it’s SO TRUE. “i have lived a life. my only regret is that you didn’t get to live yours.” LET THEM KEEP THE LIVES THEY WERE MEANT TO LIVE. and anyway, i just think there’s no way, going back and changing who she marries wouldn’t also alter SO MUCH of what she did, and therefore our timeline.

either way, this option goes against everything about steve. i don’t care if he IS tired of fighting, there’s still no way he would sit quietly and not try to prevent things from happening. assassinations, hydra infiltrating shield, his BEST FRIEND being tortured and brainwashed for seventy years.

steve: if i see a situation pointed south, i can’t ignore it. sometimes i wish i could. tony: no you don’t. steve: no i don’t.

again, i’ll be fair, several years have passed since steve said that, but i just don’t buy the idea that he’s gonna sit back quietly, when his character through the whole mcu has been about fighting for what’s right

option 2: alternate timeline

i’ve seen some people say it’s because of the bracelets they used that would have allowed steve to jump back into our timeline when he’s old and be in the right place at the right time but like..........what’s the point. he ditched his friends and lived through seventy years without them so am i expected to believe that this steve (i don’t know him) even really cares about handing off the shield to sam (which, i did want, just in the form of our steve retiring and living his own life in the PRESENT) idk that last scene was just so much so fast and i was so mad watching it unfold i could hardly stand it so whatever

so okay say steve goes back to peggy and creates an alternate timeline by doing so, maybe in this timeline he rescues bucky and prevents a bunch of other things from happening

........but wasn’t the point of returning the stones to when and where they got them (which, of course we know the only reason steve was doing this alone was to get to this ending, but it’s ridiculous considering they had a whole team going to all different places in the movie WHATEVER) to PREVENT the creation of an alternate timeline? that’s why the ancient one was hesitant about giving bruce the time stone because it would create a branch or whatever IT MAKES NO SENSE.

this theory at least doesn’t necessarily screw over peggy since...our peggy would still exist and the steve and peggy we saw at the end of the movie would be in an alternate timeline

but it does go against the time travel rules as i understand them and it still fucks up steve’s characterization

whatever

everything’s fucked anyway

if they ever address it, whatever the mcu logic is, all these possibilities have flaws/leave plot holes because they really hardly gave any thought to their characters OR their time travel logic bc they wanted to force this ending

seriously all the peggy references throughout the movie like?? ofc he’s still gonna have that compass and i guess still carry it around since he’s been on the run and hasn’t a permanent place and therefore no safe place to keep it but....he looks at her picture before they go after thanos? it would make more sense if he looked at a picture on his phone of like him, bucky and sam or something. he’s at that group meeting five years later and talks about the loss of his chance with peggy which was u know like a decade ago for him (and i know i don’t like people saying ‘oh just get over it’ i don’t mean it like that i just mean like.......he was willing to move on in cacw - with her NIECE but whatever - and suddenly it’s like he’s never ever been over her and calling her the love of his life) instead of talking about the loss of bucky and sam, two of his best friends? wanda? t’challa? maria? nick? even the way he dresses is very reminiscent of the first avengers when he’s JUST woken up, but he gets away from that throughout the cap movies and gets more used to modern life. endgame does everything to force the idea that he’s still completely uncomfortable in this time. as if what? twelve years in the twenty-first century would mean going back to the 1940s makes you just as much a man out of time.

AND PEGGY. my god, i’ve loved peggy’s story though the mcu and look what this fucking movie did. peggy doesn’t even have fucking lines. we don’t even hear her talk when he stares longingly and dramatically at her through a window (it really reminded me of that jess/rory scene in the gilmore girls revival and hey that was a pairing i thought SHOULD have ended up together, but should not have had all that pining very similarly like ten years later it’s just weird the disappointments i feel in both of these things are so similar but that’s beside the point). we don’t get to see them have a conversation when he goes back to her. tony talked to howard and thor talked to frigga and we didn’t see steve talk to peggy. if she’s supposed to be The Love Of His Life (does marvel know if she could have another love of her life then so could he but whatever) and is suddenly his reason for everything or whatever they’re trying to play at, shouldn’t we get more than a longing look (not even a mutual one, like all the ones we got in catfa) and the dance? peggy carter is AMAZING and she doesn’t even really get a say. they reduced her to the object of steve’s affection and nothing more and it’s HORRIBLE.

frigga said “you’re not my thor” and i think peggy, be it 40s peggy or 70s peggy, would recognize that this is not her steve. look at everything he’s been through the last decade. he’s been through so much and yes, his relationship with peggy was a missed chance, but....the steve of now is not the steve that she lost. and i think no matter how much she might have wanted it to be whenever he came back to her, she would have known that and she would have sent him back home where he belongs, with his new family, in the present.

peggy was the one who said in catws “the world has changed and none of us can go back. all we can do is our best and sometimes the best that we can do is to start over.” steve’s whole story since waking up has been about moving on and making peace with the fact that he lost his chance at the life he could have had after the war (much as i hate aou, it does touch on that fact, he says someone who wanted family and stability or w/e isn’t who came out of the ice and he says at the end of the movie “i’m home” THIS IS HIS HOME MARVEL HERE AND NOW). the fact that the trailer used peggy’s quote about moving forward and then fucking went against the whole ass point.......wild

and i hate to say this i really do.........but not in a satisfying way, just in an it-would-make-sense way. i didn’t want any characters to die, i think after seeing characters suffer so much they deserve a happy ending (so don’t tell me i don’t want steve to be happy because i do i’ve been yelling about how he needs to rest since cacw). but. BUT. it would have made more sense if he died, if he sacrificed himself, because that was a thing he constantly did throughout the mcu, just ya know, he always survived it. going down in the plane in catfa, on the helicarrier in catws, in sokovia in aou, and so on

and lemme tell you, steve dying? that was my Big Fear for this movie, i didn’t want to believe they would go there (i never expected they would go there with tony AND NAT god i’m mad about her too but that’s not what this post is about) but i was prepared for the possibility. when i first saw the theory floating around about him going back in time to be peggy, i didn’t think it was feasible (and it’s not! truly! it makes no sense!) and i didn’t think they would do something as complicated as messing with time like that (boy was i wrong) so i wrote it off. but i think.......what happened feels worse, because character death in movies like these can p much always be fixed you know? even if canon doesn’t, fic can keep everything canon gives us and still be like ‘oh they’re not actually dead because ____’ and this....this can’t be changed. fic has to change the ending. that last five minutes. five minutes fucked up ten years of characterization. anyway.

so here’s what i was thinking about? while not exactly the same because it was ya know parents they lost, thor had a conversation with frigga, tony had a conversation with howard. imagine if it had been steve on the mission to get the soul stone. and okay as a clintasha stan (fuck you aou) i LOVED that scene until nat’s death, i loved them fighting each other to be the one to go. but if it had been steve and maybe still nat too, he could have had his own blast from the past like thor and tony did with the red skull because idt he ever even found out it was the red skull in the soul world (is that what it’s called i forget), bc iirc clint just said something about a red guy. anyway it could have made for some nice catfa parallels with steve and red skull and if he WAS with nat it could have made for a nice aou parallel when they stay to get all the citizens out of there (”where else am i gonna get a view like this?” bc both my babies are willing to sacrifice themselves to save the world). but imagine when the relationship between steve and natasha has also been such a big part of the mcu, the two of them learning to trust each other and protect each other, and save each other, imagine both of them disagreeing over who should be the one to die, maybe not in the same way as clint and nat, not with physically trying to keep the other down, but...fighting about it nonetheless. imagine natasha watching him fall, imagine her returning without him.

of course this would’ve made me mad too because that would’ve meant not just that steve died, but that he died without getting to see bucky and sam again. but at least it would’ve MADE NARRATIVE SENSE and not fucked up his character, because it’s exactly the kind of thing he would do. anyway, it didn’t even have to be this idea of mine, it didn’t even have to be death at all, i just think...it would have made more sense than chasing after this fantasy of a life that he realized (and seemed to accept) he couldn’t have years ago.

now. what i’ve been screaming for the last week. to put it simply: STEVE WOULD NEVER. steve wouldn’t take peggy’s past away from her. steve wouldn’t leave bucky and sam and his other friends behind after all the hell they’ve been through, after half the population just woke up five years in the future, something he's experienced on a much larger scale. steve could have still given up being captain america. could have said, hey i still wanna do good but i don’t wanna fight aliens and shit anymore and i wanna have a chance to actually live my life. he could have given the shield to sam (okay ik the shield was destroyed at that point but u know what i mean) and that could have been the perfect ending for him, to get his happiness with who and what he still has, to truly make peace with what he’s lost.

and i can’t say all this without getting into bitter stucky territory. the entire fucking captain america trilogy has revolved around steve’s relationship to bucky. protecting bucky, saving him, believing in him when no one else will. he went on that mission in catfa based on the hope that bucky was alive, he lost him when he fell from that train. when steve found out bucky was alive, he gave up fighting him HE DROPPED HIS SHIELD he was willing to die on that helicarrier trying to save bucky, trying to get him to remember. with sam’s help they spent two years trying to find bucky and okay i’m not gonna get into why cacw bugged me that’s not this post but he STILL was trying to keep bucky safe, still believing in bucky, just....everything it’s too much to even put into words what the two of them mean to each other, what they do for each other.

bucky and steve haven’t really had a chance to be back in each other’s lives since cacw. bucky went back into cryo and sure we can assume steve’s visited him since he woke up but steve’s been on the run with sam and nat like........they’ve had very little time together. and steve just lived another five years without bucky AND sam and ditched them immediately? for someone he had a relationship with ten years ago? for someone he obviously was not meant for BECAUSE they DIDN’T end up together because he went down in that plane and she moved on and i’m just!!!

and anyway is bucky really like okay? like i saw that vid where the fan asked about the movie properly ending their story and they totally bullshitted an answer about them being able to be separate or whatever but like they’ve hardly been able to be TOGETHER, they’ve been pulled apart over and over. and like, yes bucky has his life in wakanda and he has sam but we haven’t really seen much of those relationships so we don’t actually know how much that means! steve is the only person who can understand even somewhat what bucky’s been through (obvs other mcu characters know what it’s like to have their minds fucked with whereas steve doesn’t know what that part’s like, but bucky hasn’t interacted with those characters unfortunately) so ya know at least in terms of adjusting to a whole new life after your old one was ripped away, steve’s all he’s got. ofc now other people will get a sense of that, but still. in terms of history, shared life experience, steve and bucky are all each other have.

all bucky and steve share in this movie is an exchange that literally already happened in catfa but in reverse. they couldn’t even give us an original MOMENT. and bucky apparently knew what steve was gonna do which just makes it WORSE, like he just had to accept it and let steve go, let steve be someone else. if they wanted to end steve’s arc properly, it would’ve been about bucky because THAT’S what steve’s whole fucking story has been about, and the writers and directors who literally made steve’s arc that way fucking ignored that bc they’re homophobic (and misogynistic) goodbyeeeee like u cannot deny that tearing bucky and steve apart permanently isn’t a slap in the face to stucky shippers, they’ve been giving less and less since catws when they realized how obviously romantic their story is. it’s just fucking cruel (don’t get me started on using the song from right before steve and bucky’s first interaction in catws for the dance as soon as it started playing i wanted to SCREAM ik it’s possible they didn’t know it was an association with stucky buuuuuut with social media ppl very easily know what the fandom is saying so. who knows it just fucking sucked) to put an end to the stevebucky relationship when they haven’t had a real chance to be together, even as just friends, since catws, and it’s especially cruel to end their relationship THIS WAY

anyway this ending (JUST A FEW MINUTES REALLY) just does a disservice to steve AND peggy AND bucky and their stories and i’m just so disappointed and angry on their behalf. if anyone wants to talk about it to me FEEL FREE as long as you’re not a dick bc i obvs love to commiserate with the fandom over this MESS

#steve rogers #avengers: endgame #mcu #anti endgame #endgame spoilers #steve x bucky #this is so long and messy and probably won't be read but #long post

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peculiarbob · 5 years ago

Text

Desolate Souls and Broken Minds

Chapter 6: Old Friends

Chapter 5: Angel of the Lord

Chapter 4: Nice to Meet You

Chapter 3: Good as Dead

Chapter 2: The Dream

Chapter 1: New Beginnings

Word count: 2360

Summary: Skully isn’t gonna stop harassing Tim and Jessica till he gets what he wants. What does he want? No one really knows for sure. But one thing is for certain, old friends always have our backs.

They interrogated us for hours, but now we can finally get some sleep. Not that I get much anyways. Jessica seems really tired and drags her feet while walking to her room.

“Night.” I call to her.

“Night.” she calls back in a croaky voice.

I lay in bed for another hour but I can’t fall asleep. I look at my bedside table and on top of it is my bottle of pills. I hadn’t realized that I had only two more pills. I didn’t want to have to go to the car in the morning so I decide to go now. It’s cold, I don’t know why I didn’t bring a jacket. I’ve been wearing the same clothes for like five days, I should shower. It’s now drizzling which honestly feels good on my skin. I reach inside the car and onto the backseat. I grab my duffel bag and pull out my other bottle of pills. I lock the car and start heading back when-

WHACK!

Something metal hits me hard on the head. I fall to the ground. Everything around me is spinning and blurry. Someone’s knee is digging into my back as they tie my hands together with rope. I try to break away from them but they grab my hair and slam my head onto the ground. I black out.

I wake up tied to a tree, my mouth has a gag in it, and I can feel thick blood running down my face along with the rain. There’s a man with curly dark hair standing a couple feet away from me, he swallows a couple of my pills. He puts the bottle in his front jacket pocket, puts his mask completely on, then turns to me. Skully. He slowly pulls out a pocket knife but he doesn’t slit my throat. He starts to unbutton my shirt then starts cutting me, but not random cuts either, he’s cutting a sigil into my chest. It hurts like hell but I can’t do anything to stop him.

When he’s done with me he cleans the knife off with a cloth then starts to unbutton his own clothes. He turns away from me as he wounds his own chest. When he’s done, he faces his whole body towards me and just stares. It’s raining harder now and he’s just staring at me from behind that mask.

“Get away from him!” Dean yells. I can see him, Sam, and Cas running in our direction.

Skully then shoves a blood covered hand onto my bleeding chest. A blinding white light shines everywhere and for a moment I can’t see anything. When I gain back my vision Cas isn’t there. Sam and Dean look around in confusion for just a second, but in that time Skully takes something from off the ground and shoves it into the cuts he made on his chest. The brothers instantly go into an idle stage, they look as if they’re void of any emotion. He takes the thing out of his chest and waves it in front of my face. I can now see that it’s a bundle of some kind of sticks which was clearly soaked in some sort of substance, smells awful. He gently puts his hand on my cheek, places a finger to his “lips” then walks away.

About ten minutes pass before Sam and Dean awaken. At this point the rain has been beaming down on me and my gashes, I’m weak from blood loss. They look around clearly disorientated. I call them over and they clumsily untie me, I can barely stand so they have to help me walk.

“Where’d he go?” Dean says, still a bit dazed.

“Don’t know.” I reply.

We head back to the bunker, none of us can walk straight. It took us longer than it usually would have to get back but we made it. Jack immediately gets up and tells me he can heal me.

“Here- let me just…”

“Woah woah woah. What are you-?”

He places one hand on my chest and with a brilliant glowing light, he heals me completely. It was as if nothing happened. I thank him as he starts healing Sam and Dean. He sets a glowing hand on their foreheads and they return back to normal.

“Okay, what the hell?” Dean says somewhat angrily, “We’re gonna find that bastard and make him pay.”

“Sure, but first” Sam says, “where’s Jessica?”

“She went outside.” Jack answers, “She asked me where do we keep the guns. So I gave her one and she headed outside. I found her attire a bit strange though.”

“What d’you mean?” I ask, it’s a strange thing to mention.

“Well, she wore a loose flannel shirt, ripped jeans, hunting boots, gloves, and a black cloak with the hood up. She looked mad and had a knife attached to her calf. I didn’t ask any questions, she kinda scared me.”

I decide to go outside in hopes of finding her. Before I do so, I grab a flashlight and a gun and put on a freaking jacket. It doesn’t take me long to find her though. She’s walking around, with no light except for the moon. She’s holding something too. I call to her and rush over there. Jessica doesn’t react much, although she covers up whatever she’s holding with her cloak even more.

“Are you alright?” she says.

“Um. Yeah. How’d you know-?”

“He sent me messages.” she says these words with no emotion, “He somehow got my number and texted me a picture of you tied up. He then told me exactly what he was going to do. Cut sigils into you and himself, get rid of the angel, stun the brothers, then get to Jack and me. He said, and I quote, ‘You two are going to help me get rid of a certain bastard. Along with help from some of our old friends.’ I’m not going to be used and he’s not going to lay a finger on Jack.”

“Some of our old friends” what does that mean? I’ll help Jessica with whatever her plan is, I think she’s finally sick of being used by all these monsters. We walk for a bit more when Jessica gets a text, it’s from Jack:

“Where are you? Are you safe? Please answer me!”

“Me and Tim are safe, don’t worry. Go to your room and lock the door. Make sure you have a weapon.”

“Okay.”

We walk for a little while more, not a word was spoken. I tell Jessica that we’re just wandering around blindly at this point and that we should just go back, she agrees. Just as we turn around we hear gunfire and screams. We immediately run behind a large tree and watch as Skully runs into view. I can faintly hear his loud breathing, he’s looking around nervously. I can see that he’s twitching and…. Crying? He puts both of his hands to his head as he starts hyperventilating.

BANG!

My ears start ringing as Jessica lowers her gun. Skully falls to the ground, the bullet entered near his shoulder. His sobs grow louder then turn into screams. Me and Jessica start to cough, violently, my vision start to turn cloudy as well. I’m grabbed viciously grabbed by the arm and practically dragged out of there. Whoever is grabbing me also has Jessica, they leave Skully. I turn around to see that faceless bastard. That’s the last thing I see before I black out.

I wake up in a strange place. It looks like a bedroom, not one I’ve been in before though. I get up from the surprisingly comfortable bed and look around. The room is kind of bare, one window with lace curtains opposite of the door, the bed, a closet, and a night stand. First I look in the closet, nothing. Then I look inside the drawer and find one thing, an empty bottle of pills. My pills. I leave it there and quietly look around the house.The place is honestly not that big. The room I was in is near the end of the short hall. To my right is the bathroom, to my left is another bedroom and the rest of the hall. I look in the other bedroom.

It had the same structure as the other one, but this one was more decorated. Above the bed was a map of Kansas with red dots and labels. A couple dots were labeled “Skully HB” but are now crossed out. Only one of those dots remain untouched. There is also a circle labeled “M.O.L. Base” not sure what that means though. I look in the closet next, lots of Gucci. But next to all of the expensive clothing, there’s a yellow hoodie. I stumble backwards then rush to the drawer. There I find a black mask made out of fabric with a red frown on it.

I run out of that room to try and find the exit. Instead I find the kitchen. And guess who’s in the kitchen. My old pal, Brian Thomas. He’s making something on the stove while a cup of coffee is sitting on the counter. I don’t move an inch. Yet he turns around and isn’t surprised to see me standing there.

“Oh hey, you’re up!” he calls cheerfully, “You probably have questions. We can talk about it over these omelettes I made for breakfast. “

He directs me to the dining room and sets down two plates and two cups of coffee. I can’t help but stare at him in horror and awe. He has been dead for about four years now! The only thing different about his appearance is his black eye. We both sit down then he tries to start a conversation.

“So, Tim. How’s life been. Well, obviously not that great considering how last night went.”

“How?” I manage to whisper. He pauses before replying.

“Well, for the record, I did die. I just didn’t stay that way.” when I don’t say anything he continues, “I fell from that ledge and died, painfully. This reaper or whatever came to me and lead me to hell.”

“What?” I mutter timidly.

“Yeah. Hell. For you guys, the living, it was probably around three and a half years. For people like me it was well over a hundred years. You lose count after a while. Oh yeah, remember Amy and Sarah? Yeah, they’re suffering in hell.”

“Why w-?”

“Why would they go to hell? I don’t know. I didn’t see Seth, Alex, or Jay though. Weird. But I did see a bunch of other people. It’s strange, it kinda looked like we had our own place in hell. Like we were separated from everyone else. Whatever the fuck was torturing me, must have really enjoyed it. Sick bastard.”

Brian put his arm over his stomach, he looked so mad but also like he wanted to cry at the same time. He stands up to get more coffee, I follow him. I can hear him taking slow deep breaths while pouring his drink. When he turns around to me I can’t help but embrace him. After a couple of moments he sets his cup down and hugs back. I hold him as close as possible. I can feel tears run down my face and onto his shirt, but I don’t care. After a while we finally let go of each other. Brian’s face is dripping with tears. We look at each other and laugh.

“Shut up you demisexual dork.” I say jokingly.

“Don’t call me that, you’re gonna make me cry more.” He says still laughing.

We spend the rest of the day catching up. He tells me about hell and what he’s been doing since he came back from the dead. He doesn’t know exactly how he came back and he didn’t really want to talk about it. He also tells me that fake credit cards work great if you want to buy Gucci. I tell him about how my life has been going, not that great. We end up getting to the topic of the map.

“So the crossed out dots were where I thought Skully’s home base was. The circle is the Men of Letter’s base. There’s like a five mile radius around it where everything is a bit, uh, messed up. Can’t track anything in there.”

“Huh, so me and Jessica were safe there. Speaking of which, where is she?” He’s silent, but for only a moment.

“Tim, I uh…. I don’t really know. Things got out of hand and my memory is a bit fuzzy. All I remember is I grabbed you two when the operator showed up-”

“The ‘operator’?”

“That’s what I call it, that’s also what the people in hell called it so yeah. Anyways, I grabbed you two, I tried to get away but someone stopped me, he gave me a black eye. But yeah, everything after that is pretty much gone.”

We decide that tomorrow we should go out to look for her. Look where? No idea, but we have to try. That night we move my mattress into Brian’s room, I don’t want to sleep in a strange place alone. I try to get some sleep but I keep tossing and turning. It had to be around midnight when Brian says something in a quiet raspy voice.

“I met an angel.” I turn around to face him.

“What?” He turns over to look at me.

“When I got out of hell, I met an angel. I’m not supposed to tell anyone this, but I don’t care anymore. He said his name was Zayden or something. He made me whole again, I wasn’t just a shell of a man. Well, sort of. He kinda just hid all that stuff in the back of my mind, didn’t even do a really good job either.”

“Me and Jessica met him too. Somethings up.”

We both agree to continue this in the morning so we can get some sleep. But I think we both know neither of us rested even a bit.

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #marble hornets #marble hornets fanfiction #fanfiction #my writing #my au

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