#another man i don't know but it's fine
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Nicola Coughlan is probably one of the few white women I'll go up for. Love her down.
#blue blabber 🗣️#she's so freaking fine#like body ody ody#I wish the man that played Collin was finer tho#how unfortunate#my mom is watching the new part on the tv#I haven't watched since season one#I fear if I start back watching I'll start writing a Miguel Bridgerton AU#KATE AND ANTHONY....BUT MIGUEL AND READER#PENELOPE AND COLLIN WITH BETTER WRITING.....#AUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH#QUEEN CHARLOTTE.....#like if I watch the Kate and Anthony mmbop scenes that I know are there....it's keys for me#Miguel as a hot candidate for the reader diamond of the season#STOP MY BRAIN FROM WANDERING#I DON'T NEED ANOTHER WIP#I HAVE LIKE....AT LEAST 10#just counted#12.5#it's keys#adhd is my gift and my curse
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Starting to think, going by the MXTX fandoms, that a lot of people are comfortable with being a bit terrible and not thriving for an ideal whatsoever, because they really really reeaaally want to believe Xue Yang and Jiang Cheng are poor cuties who weren't lucky and the heroes are a bunch of holier-than-thou arrogant bitches who need to be taken down a peg when the text says the opposite, because then it justifies their own faults and hatred of genuinely awesome people who seem to have it better in life and isn't that sooo unfair and isn't it fair that they should suffer to learn what it's like to suffer like them, poor tortured, petty, flawed humans who see themselves in the villains rather than the heroes.
#Bloom talks#I'm out of patience with people who have decided not to be better and won't take any responsibility for it#oh but I suffer so~#newsflash asshole most people struggle horribly at some point or another and yet some of us decide to be good#and also some of us are indeed gifted and impressive and it is something to be celebrated and yes admired on occasion#I love a good gifted person#who shines bright and leads an amazing life#the Wei Wuxians of the world are a treasure#you want to love Jiang Cheng because you feel you are like him and want to be loved?#I don't know man have you TRIED not being an asshole? people have an easier time loving you if you try you know?#you don't have to adopt it as your whole identity and make it everyone else's problem#so fucking tired of seeing people not even try#IT'S FINE TO BE CLEAR to relate to Jiang Cheng and be an asshole inside#we all are a little bit of an asshole inside!!#just stoop pretending he's actually good and Wei WuXian is bad!#yes I'm talking about a general thing with this very specific thing yes#mxtx#mdzs
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I have not been in this fandom long enough to reasonably judge others' takes however. "EPIC fans are so silly to characterize odysseus as feeling guilty for his actions don't you know he's a war criminal" is definitely a wild one. like first of all to each their own so settle down and let people enjoy things ok. and secondly making choices with a bad outcome, even knowingly and deliberately, does not exclude the possibility of feeling bad about it later. in fact it makes for a much more in depth character because then you get to explore what he does or doesn't feel guilt over, and why, and if that guilt ever edges into regret or not.
#and thirdly i actually find it fascinating the way EPIC had him take a very conscious role in the greying of his morality#it's interesting to me because from my point of view odysseus in the odyssey is almost a passive player in his own myth#and i enjoy taking that very active moral choice and applying it to some of his non EPIC actions#odysseus#epic the musical#uh what is the tag for the epic cycle#as far as I'm aware it's#tagamemnon#?#idk i just think that if you were to ask your character what they would do differently the answer should not be ''nothing lol''#that is either a character who needs wayy more development or a storyteller who needs wayy more practice#also. WAR CRIMES DIDN'T FUCKING EXIST IT WAS THE BRONZE AGE#regardless of how socially acceptable or not his actions may have been#none of those men on the plain of fucking troy was about to sit down and agree on what constituted a crime of war#like if achilles can get away with flaunting straight up deliberate corpse desecration#i don't think anyone gets to say a word against odysseus for being a sneaky underhanded bastard who doesn't fight fair#coming back an hour later to add yet another point. the point of the people with this take is ''haha dont you know hes a bad person''#which fine yes by modern moral standards he is and even by contemporary standards* some of the stuff he does is super yikes man#but that STILL does not preclude him from feeling guilt. 'bad people' can feel guilt#gonna go ahead and explain those quotes around 'bad person' btw um i do not believe in morality like that. no one is fully good or bad#i shant speak on THAT further unless someone asks though#*contemporary is an iffy word here i feel because the default is to call the time of the penning of the text contemporary#despite the events in the text taking place several centuries earlier.#in this particular case because i am speaking from a point of textual analysis i will use the former#however i think that the latter is also a useful reference point
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It's taking me ages to write this chapter because every time I look through old VODs / notes to check something, I come across moments like this that make me want to lie down face-first on the floor:
[Context: Pac commits to the idea of taking the Happy Pills so he can create a cure. He's about to write a note to Cellbit to explain his plan.]
Pac: If Cellbit puts himself in this position, it's worse for everyone, because Cellbit is smarter when it comes to coming up with strategic plans, so he is the thinking mind of the Favela Five group, so if he no longer has the mind, he’s not capable of solving this whole problem, you know? But if I put myself in this position to help Cellbit so he can get the cure... You understand? It's better if I'm the bait. Right? I can't- I can't carry things alone guys, I've already lost Mike [...] if I lose Cellbit and I alone had to carry things, I won't be able to. But I think Cellbit can manage better. He is more independent, and he has Roier. He has a husband. I'm trying to– to be lucid here, understand? That's all.
Date: September 11, 2023 || Timestamp: 03:10:10
#i talk#qsmp talk#Oh Pac... :((((#I know the Happy Pills arc is soured for a lot of us (for valid reasons) but I still love it because of how vital it is to Pac's character#This arc is what solidified him as my favorite character. He was so brave and he's so full of love and grief#Aghh. Those self-worth issues man... :(((#Pac cubito I carry you in my heart forever and ever and always#fic talk#I don't know if it's funny or miserable that whenever I fact-check myself thinking#''Am I misremembering this / misrepresenting this? Is this too grim?''#The answer is no I hit it dead center#I love Pac's dynamic with all the Favela members but Pac and Cellbit's relationship dynamic has so many layers#it's fascinating to explore#Especially since in the stream before this he had a complete breakdown because he was terrified Cell was going to come back#Love and fear and friendship and anger and hate and healing...#So many layers#The murderer who once mauled him who he left to die#Now a dear friend and co-parent of his son#It's fascinating#What breaks my heart is when Cellbit finds out Pac took the Happy Pills a few days later and they have a confrontation#Cellbit tells him ''You were my only hope- the only scientific person who could create a cure; how are we supposed to save you?''#''We still had one another and now I'm alone!'' <– As always please take my translation with a grain of salt#But man. MAN.... Pac saying Cellbit will be fine he can handle things on his own and he has Roier#vs. Cellbit having the same fears of being left alone#I wonder if; even for a moment; he remembered what it felt like when Pac (e Mike) abandoned him on that Island after Fuga#Obviously he realized / later learned why Pac took the pills but AGH!!!!!!!!!! It hurts.#I wish they logged on at the same time more frequently I WISH we got to see them interact more#I can't really explore this too much in the Fit Pac fic but I am delving into it in the Pac fic#I don't think I'll go as in-depth with the Happy Pill stuff as I'm doing in this fic though. This has been exhausting. It's a heavy arc#(Stream date: September 13 2023 || Timestamp 1:34:00 for Cellbit's POV of that conversation btw)
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x.x
#my mom had another episode and my dad didn't handle it well so things are. miserable here at home#and it's worse knowing we'll all pretend it's fine by this weekend#i don't know how much longer i can do this#but. one of my former mentors at my company just texted me out of the blue#he left over a year ago and man. it got me#family doesn't mean anything to me anymore#but it was a good reminder of the love and kindness out there T-T#and now to cry forever and look at apartments#gg txt
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On s'est déjà tout dit Et j'ai déjà tout vu Je l'ai déjà apprise, la leçon la plus dure J'suis tombé droit dans l'mur, une fois, deux fois
[We've already said everything and I've already seen it all. I've already learned it, the hardest lesson. I fell straight into the wall, once, twice.]
#bea art tag#T'Pring#T'Pring/Spock#Spock#SNW#star trek snw#snw#T'Pring fanart#s he deserves more.....she deserves MORE!!!!!#The nerve of this man to say 'you know me well' WHILE cheating#This show's Spock's trust issues and reluctance to fully commit himself to T'Pring don't read at all as him being torn between two differen#worlds or reluctant to show T'Pring the 'real' him because we never really see T'Pring being .... idk. Disdainful of his humanity?#The most I can remember is her saying 'It hardly seems like a Vulcan lives here.' when she's poking at his interior decorating#T'Pring is out here reading books doing research and telling him she appreciates his Humanity and wants to have dinner with him and spend#time together and Spock's over here like 'I can't bring myself to trust T'Pring. Christine! Angel!' like DUDE....you're ENGAGED#Of your own volition you're engaged!!#The second your fiancee says 'let's take a break from seeing each other to think about our relationship' you start having sex with another#woman?? Immediately??? I don't like this writing ... it just makes Spock seem like a sleaze who's making excuses to be unfaithful#BUT you know what?? That'd be fine if they didn't frame Christine/Spock as like...ok? I don't get that. M'Benga is like wink wink#ohhh you like each other huh~?? HUH indeed. HUH?? Dude - he has a fiancee???#Even putting morality aside wouldn't it just be more fun to have them be in a secret forbidden relationship or whatever?#Spock: -Singing about how he and Christine broke up or whatever- / Uhura: ....[doesn't he have a girlfriend?????]#<- I wish there was more continuity with this. Like - why is everyone on the ship fine with Spock & Christine being together#when they KNOW he has a fiancee? Is no one going to mention it?#Like there's definitely a compelling story here but the writers are never gonna find it...everyone's too busy being in a marvel movie#Spock being like oh I love Christine we really have something WHILE reassuring T'Pring at every turn that he loves her and wants to make#it work between them ooohhhh!!!! -steam comes out my ears- flames flames on...on the side of my face...#Him being upset and feeling betrayed by Christine leaving for a work opportunity....sit DOWN sir. Sit DOWN!!!#If they make T'Pring cheat on him with Stonn or whatever so they can have a contrived#'well we're both at fault who's really to blame for this goodbye forever now have a great life' ending I'm gonna riot
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We get a new colleague in December and i looked him up and he's so heavily und unconcealed right winged i feel nauseous. I mean he's Extremely right-winged. Climate change denier, corona denier, racist, anti gender equality, anti queer, everything. And i didn't try to dig up dirt or anything. It's literally the first thing you find if you just google his name
#i want to cry#i was literally shaking lmao#I'm still not able to wrap my head around this#the majority of the people of our team is relatively left politically so i really am baffled by this choice#i know i can't avoid people like this and you have to find a way to work with them even if they want you dead (lol)#but i don't really feel comfortable anymore working there if this is an acceptable candidate for them#or if people in the team are just completely fine with it even if they don't personally have these political views#if they're just 'ah idc I'm glad we have another colleague so we have less work' or something like this#or 'that's just how it is'. like i Know this is just how it is but we should be angry that a person like this is even considered#I'm sorry but i don't think you can separate your company or yourself from politics and worldviews#hiring such a person is a clear signal that you don't mind these political positions or even support them#like I'm sure there's more people in our department as a whole who are right leaning and afD etc supporters#but this man isn't even hiding it he's proudly writing articles over articles about his views and you're hiring him for a#position in which he will represent your company and your journal#alright whatever#i guess i'm going to look for a new job when my program is over#not because i think i can avoid people like this#but because i really lost all respect I had left for this company and our management#i KNOW they're everywhere. i KNOW! but still. fuck this#void screams
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so there's this character. i always thought he looked kinda stupid and i never found him attractive. but, uh....
... has he always been this handsome?!
#ash rambles 💚#AM I COOKED?!#and so what if we have the same favorite flower? so what if he plays video games like i do?#and so fucking what if he loves superhero movies and comics like i do?!#please no please tell me this isn't happening rn... no no I'm not gonna develop a crush on him NO!!!#i already have so many f/os from y.akuza! i don't need another!!!!#he's totally not my type!!!!!#... his voice is nice..#i bet cuddling him would feel good...#...#ASH NO#it's 2am. i need to sleep. yup. surely this is just me being sleepy and stupid. I'm too embarrassed to say who it is but. stupid idiot guy-#I'll be fine when i wake up. surely.#... I've been saying that for the past two days...#i refuse to develop a crush!!!!!!!!!! i already have a thing for s.eonhee and n.anba. i don't need another y.akuza LAD character goddamnit#i don't want him i swear#i just... don't remember him being so easy on the eyes is all....#also earlier today i took a nap. it was such a good nap. but uh.........#hopefully it was just a coincidence that i slept so well only after i talked about him to my friend...#I'm gonna go to bed. please leave my mind you damn idiot! i just... he's just.... more handsome than i thought......... that's it!!!!!!!#i already have like 10+ y.akuza f/os! I'm done! no more!!!!#if you saw me rbing shit of him on my main a few days ago no you didn't!!!! this is just a phase surely!!!#and i mean come on i haven't played his games yet!#i do find his lookalike in y6 very hot but come on! shirtless guy who runs a sex club? is rich asf? plenty violent? of course I'm into that!#he's so fucking hot omg. UGH AND THE EPIC THEME SONG?? hehe i was giggling so much when he made that comment about how he knows damn well#that ladies love a man covered in blood and then started fighting... hehe.. i know what club I'm spending all my money at...#but this other guy that happens to look just like him? he's just a silly nice guy that likes his video games (ignore the crimes) I'm not#about that!!!! the other one is way hotter!!! and surely i wont fall for this guy!!! I'm gonna play y.akuza 7 and 8 and be normal about him#i just... he's... easy on the eyes! thats it! okay! goodnight!!!#like a flowing wind 🔳
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wait hang on
HANG ON
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DO YOU SEE MY VISION
#professor inkling#count bleck#TELL ME YOU SEE IT. IM NOT CRAZY#*writes yet another octonauts crossover au-*#OK BUT LISTEN HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT#H E A R ME O U T#in case you're wondering if it's just the monocles NO IT RUNS DEEPER THAN THAT I PROMISE#1. both have been around a long time and founded some sort of group to further their goals (octonauts & team bleck)#2. fancy clothes (yeah inkling's in just a bowtie but remember he's straight up an octopus) that stand out among their peers#3. speaking of that last point: unusual anatomy (one does NOT look a fish and the other is a head torso and floating hands. nothin else)#4. i kinda don't wanna have to pull the mafia au card on this one but if I WAS then: tragic backstories and tragic motives#though then again do we REALLY know anything about inkling- like do we R E A L L Y?? his backstory could be tragic they just aint tellin..#5. avid book readers (bleck let a book tell him how his life was supposed to go this man is clinically into books)#6. defense mechanism that involves darkness (octopus ink & a bLaCk HOLE-)#7. if you see either of them walking it Don't Look Right#8. this is more of an implied thing for them but: knows a LOT about the people they gathered for their causes#9. both from children's media that gets DARK sometimes without warning#10. sometimes they say things and the people around them are just ''what''#11. love interests (ones outright saying it and the other is again just implied but STILL ITS ANOTHER POINT SOOO)#12. ok fine. yes it was the monocles at first but then i thought about it MORE so HA#feel free to add on if i missed something
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#val comes out of hiding#just had the worst 45 mins#got new glasses ok. new rx but with the same frames.#the idea was i would swap the new lenses into the old frames. since they're the exact same frames i already use.#so i won't have to adjust the new frames to be comfy#then i could use the new unadjusted frames as my backup pair so i don't have to spend a bunch of time adjusting the new frames#because i'm really picky about how they're adjusted#anyway. new glasses get here today. i start the process of swapping the new lenses into the old frames and vice versa.#curveball--the new lenses don't fit. WTF? i try and i try and i cannot get the new lenses in. maybe i got a different material thickness id#i didn't think i did but i just cannot get them to fit. alas. upset and frustrated but we gotta power thru it.#in the process of putting the new lenses back into the new frames i LOSE a GODDAMN SCREW#i search for like 15 mins with a flashlight. but our carpet is long and i cannot find that motherfucker to save my life#so i go back to the lenses thing and pilfer a screw from my old frames. then i have a bright idea#i can put the arms from the old frames onto the new frames instead! and that saves the most adjustment-heavy part of the glasses#so i do! and it works great! except i also lose ANOTHER SCREW#i look for this other one for another while and can't find either of them STILL. so i think ok. lemme break out the vacuum.#screw is small and hard. dust is soft. i can just vacuum them up and find the screw in the vacuum dust when i empty it.#so i vacuum and empty the little bit of dust onto a garbage bag on the floor and rifle through it like a little gremlin. no screws.#where are they? who fucking knows man#and yeah i just used screws from my old frames but man. the adhd frustration rage was real i almost had a breakdown on god#new glasses are fine because i got the old arms and now it's just the adjustment period but like. i kind of hate them on principle now
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i hate going to the hairdresser so much
#i had an appointment today and that appointment has been agreed on for ages#like three whole months of that appointment existing#anyway i walked in there and she looked at me plain surprised but not in a fun way but a what the fuck is he doing here way#so yk i walked up to her. and she asked me what i WANT#like what.#the tone my man i swear she was annoyed i'm here#so i told her i have an appointment and she's like going off on me telling me that it's close to lunch time#and that my hair's so thick and that it's gonna be a lot of work#which like? she knows my hair i've been seeing her for years#and she's going on about how she's already giving someone a haircut rn#and i'm standing there like idc i have an appointment? you gave me the date and time?#it's not like i'm waltzing in close to your precious lunch time with my thick ass curls because i decided to be a menace#it's because you told me to show up at this time today???#so anyway turns out the person she was giving a haircut was a little girl and apparently the kid's mother got her appointment#mixed up and she'd essentially taken up my spot when she was supposed to show up after lunch instead#anyway she was feeling really bad over it and said it's fine if she cuts my hair first so i did get my haircut in the end but#were the microaggressions really necessary#i swear you could have just tried to figure out what's going on instead of complaining about my hair first things first#just tell me you don't wanna cut it coz i'll gladly go and find another hairdresser girl#man i'd have been so cool with it if you'd just said that you can't do my hair rn because someone else got here first#i would have been willing to wait until after lunch if you know what i mean?#but literally the third sentence out of her mouth was her complaining about having to cut my hair#of course i didn't wanna stay there for long
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the urge to go MIA in the gocey store
#just me hi#i'm home now but man. Man#i have been vv sleep deprived all day (this Was my fault so i'm fine w/ that) and i was going to get some stuff w/ the parents#perhaps that was a bad move. a blunder if you will hjfshgh#/thing that bothers me a lot: people saying they know you better than you know yourself#thing that bothers me beyond that: they very clearly don't know you even on a surface level LMFSH#sigh. shields my eyes in embarrassment for a moment Kfhsvhjgs#i have thoughts about it but ykno there's nowhere to really put them that feels right#oh well! another couple things about life i supposes#//think i'm gonna draw though ? i dunno. i gotta do laundry...#which i could just do that and Then draw but i'm kind of just sittin here. Hmm#don't wanna do laundryyyyyyy#but i like having clean clothing... this is so difficult [It's really not]#gouhrrrrrrr i guess i'll get my laundry in the wash then... Bloo!#on my way.. ciao for now hfsh -ᴗ-
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existing as an aro adult is going to fucking kill me.
#I'm so. Tired.#I can't take another conversation where my friends express their desires to move away and get married#I care about them all so much. Fuck#I'm temporary in their lives I don't exist like I do now in their futures#I just gotta enjoy what I have with them now but it's so. Scary#I'm not important in their visionary futures but they're all so important in mine. Fuck man#I can't fucking do this. Life would be so much fucking easier if I can just be like that#Have the same desires. Be fine with that. It's so fucking difficult and scary#It's all so inevitable it's like a ticking fucking clock#It's keeping me up at night I'm having stress dreams about it#I just. Need to know if it gets easier. I can't see myself getting used to it#Sigh#aromantic#Vent#android.txt
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friendly reminder to use they/them to refer to byan, not he/him
#mistakes are fine. forgetting is fine. if your character doesn't know it's fine.#this isn't me calling anyone specific out or being mad at anyone#it's just been happening more and more again lately so it feels like I need to toss another reminder out there#bc at a certain point it starts to feel invalidating when it's multiple people in multiple threads etc.#byan is nonbinary and Does Not like being referred to in masculine terms#he/him; boy; male; young man are all incorrect to use for them#I know their fc is a cis man so I know it can be somewhat easy to forget/not realize at first#but it's in their bio.#I never refer to them as anything other than they/them (with VERY RARE exceptions in threads taking place when they're younger)#in any of my ic or ooc posts. if you're reading my stuff or actively writing with me it shouldn't be that hard to remember#I'm not gonna get pissed over slip ups or anything bc we all make them#but I've been having to gloss over and ignore masc terms a lot more lately so. here we are.#I know this probably reads like I'm mad but I'm not. this is just important & I wanna make that clear#I appreciate you all tysm if you read all this 💜#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ psa ⋮ sleep in a well-lit room / don't let the shadow through.#probably gonna reblog this once or twice over the next day or two ngl
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woooo my niece took 5 of my 13 lego sets, one of which was one of the three larger ones, so that's one huge box out of the way and i'm just glad she wanted them because like they ARE twenty years old and they look fine ofc but sometimes kids aren't gonna want stuff that isn't new and shiny ya know, but she did seem to want everything which would've been fine with me but i knew there was no way they would take all that with them, and at least i still have stuff of my own to sell, plus should get at least a cut of my brother's stuff for doing the inventory and putting together that stuff that wasn't already done
#i mentioned the hp sets and how they had been pretty much left together and he was like '....i had harry potter sets?'#which once he saw them he did think they were familiar which was some of my feeling with mine#like oh YEAH i do remember these i just didn't remember having so many#i mean between 13 sets it's really like 3 categories so i would've played with like the whole ice palace and its related sets#i do just wonder how it'll be at the store like everything is pretty much in fine shape#and probably there are people who want older stuff that's rarer and whatever now#BUT then there might be more of a demand for newer stuff at a better price or whatever idk#anyway 6 sets left in the upstairs and then the bionicles and statue of liberty are still in the attic#i'm still not convinced there couldn't be another box somewhere bc idk how to explain the few sets#that are missing so much that i can't actually do them bc even if we had gotten rid of some why would we not include the huge base or w/e#anyway we'll see! but i'm getting closer! and i did a little one this morning#that seemed to be complete it didn't list some of the pieces as extras but based on the instructions i figure they have to be#so i don't really need them like i'll include them if i find them and they're not needed for something else but yeah#anyway i can go back to fic though these first two at least are short so i may be going back to another one tomorrow#can't wait to have my room back though fr like#it is not the only thing making it feel messy because i have newer jewelry and clothes and stuff that i just have to organize and put away#but man the jewelry situation is just. it's not even having so many pieces it's like big earrings that take up a lot of space or whatever#so i just have not wanted to deal with it but it's kinda out of hand#but i can really think about that after this particular project is done#and do puzzles again oh my god i have 3 puzzles waiting for me at least#plus my mom always has a bunch to be done since everyone knows to buy her puzzles lol but that has also gotten out of hand#i wouldn't mind getting rid of a couple of mine though just bc it is like okay you do it but then you just have it and it takes up space#would be cool to have pretty ones framed tho
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#man. nights are. Hard huh#Uhhh this is. Another vent post HEAVY trigger warnings for this one#honestly I wouldn't bother reading this nothing'll come of it good or bad so#don't worry about me ill be fine in the morning just need to. Scream into the void again#....again serious serious trigger warnings on this I'm too tired to say specifics but I know it'll be fucked so#Anyway#maybe Jade's right maybe I do need to see a therapist#she talked about some medication for anxiety and it's effects and what is like on and off the stuff#And......#........'waking up and going to bed on the verge of tears' vs 'not doing that'#sounds................#............christ. I...#I'm not suicidal I think I'd never actually follow through nor would I bother to self harm#None of that would solve anything for me and I'm too chicken to do it regardless#But.....#......i sure do think the words 'I wanna throw myself off a cliff' kind of a lot#killing myself is sounding less like a vague weird concept and more grounded in reality#hhhh#do I need to talk to someone about this? maybe#am I going to? probably not#is putting this on my public blog where I know there's a very good chance a bunch of people really close to me will see it a cry for help?#............................................................#i dunno#just know my chest hurts all the time and Im always a few seconds away from breaking down in tears at any given moment#and I just kind of want everything to stop#just stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop#wanna turn my brain off and just leave it like that#everything sucks and is hard and getting harder and despite being absolutely surrounded by love and support#I keep having these horrible low points and the high points feel further and further away#....anyway.....this is the last tag it'll let me do so. um. I'm sorry for whoever does read this... hope you're having a decent night
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