#anon i mean no harm in disagreeing w you!!

[aimfor-theheart]

i do think sukuna × gojo was foreshadowed since the 'i'd win' talk with yuuji, but it was só poorly executed :/ gojo didn't even weaken him, sukuna didn't use his true forma against the strongest and is now using against kashimo ffs. its hard not to be disappointed

anon i think i am going to respectfully disagree. i don’t think foreshadowing is a very blunt and frank conversation about if gojo or sukuna would win in a fight, especially if gojo’s answer is “i’d win.” especially because following that, there’s no mention or imagery of it?

(and honestly maybe i’m misremembering! maybe there is way more parallels to gojo and sukuna than what i recall.)

i guess if gojo and sukuna were constantly seen together, likened, or beside one another. if the story followed either of their arcs/either of their arcs followed a similar path or connections could be drawn, i’d consider it more foreshadowing for sure.

(and like i said, maybe i just don’t remember! if you have other moments, id love to hear them! i haven’t read jjk’s earlier stuff in a very long time!!)

i think you can defs argue it is! i think i just personally disagree, which is a-okay!

i guess i think foreshadowing is more subtle. or not even ab subtlety always? i think it’s not usually hitting the nail on the head (i.e. talking about a fight that is likely to occur in the future anyways/a relevant topic of discussion). it’s usually foreshadowed in like…more creative ways? imagery, metaphors, historical events, etc.

i’d consider megumi and gojo’s conversation about their clans in the past foreshadowing. i’d also consider sukuna’s mysterious interest in megumi foreshadowing.

i’d consider maki and mei’s dynamic/flashback foreshadowing for how they end up.

i’d also say maki not having any cursed energy and swearing to prove the zenin’s wrong is foreshowing.

i’d consider nanami almost dying at the hands of mahito in the beginning of the series foreshadowing.

i THOUGHT nobara’s fight with mahito where we learn her technique touches the soul, would be foreshadowing for aiding yuuji with sukuna.

i also feel like i remember seeing a post about nobara’s eye being foreshadowed through imagery/the way she’s drawn/etc.

but regardless, i agree, it’s handled extremely poorly!!! it’s honestly just disrespectful atp lol. to have gojo in the prison realm for so long, bring him out, and kill him as if he hasn’t been named the strongest the entire series lol. and if that wasn’t….the whole point w his character-? it’s just silly. disappointing.

[libracorpvs]

[you'll entirely solve this "problem" of yours in a matter of seconds. a few women online w/a very niche ideology that you'll] God, that is such a dumb argument; "like oh just go outside in the real world, you won't find people shaming you for being in a het relationship" as if being an online minority somehow makes being a jerk better-it's such a cope. Anyway, you're right; "Jakey" isn't gonna see it, but his gf will, and more than likely she's gonna be pushed away from your feminism at worst, and at best she's just gonna think you're mean and become defensive of her bf(not mentioning whether he's a good bf or not). Women on radblr really need to learn about how you get people on your side; they wonder how other ideologies get people on their side when those ideologies are clearly harmful-well they use sweet-talk to lure people in, the fact that they then punish those that disagree in any way is irrelevant when talking about how you get people on your side. You attract more bees with honey than with vinegar, is something they should follow.

anon i love you and your reading comprehension 🥰 i didn't think i had worded my original post so badly as to warrant the level of misunderstanding it's had! in terms of attracting bees with honey not vinegar, you're absolutely right but as i said to one of my last anons i really don't think many are actually interested in feminism at all, let alone attracting anyone to it. it's difficult to be part of a political movement when you deliberately take things in bad faith and seek conflict over minor disagreements, can't counter a basic argument without making an ad hominem response, and attempt to wield shame as a tool against others. i reckon why this is why a lot of radblr's "actions" centre on making the "correct" personal choices instead of partaking in irl feminist action which requires tolerance and commitment

[ca-suffit]

same anon… thank you for your response, i take your point and don’t rly disagree with what you’re saying… the nuclear family analogy is definitely there and i think bc of the time period they were somewhat boxed into this heteronormative dynamic but i still see shades of like a mother/daughter dynamic with lestat and claudia (he “made” her for example, baby traps louis in the book which is seen as a more feminine thing, kind of gives strict helicopter mom to louis’ more “chill dad” vibe) and i don’t see why those interpretations can’t coexist and why that reading automatically “masculinises” louis. there is definitely an issue w this fandom hypermasculinising louis/black men and i would definitely never consider louis to be “the man” in the relationship or whatever. it’s the same with top/bottom discourse when in reality i don’t think it’s that binary. but tbh what i mostly don’t like is when people get into the territory of “lestat weaponises femininity” or arguments that his feminine traits are inauthentic/a facade to conceal his real self being a patriarchal abuser. it feels very terfy and icky considering his misogyny/toxic masculinity is learned but his queerness/femininity is genuine

(context)

I'm glad I didn't scare u off! so much of this fandom (and prbly in general) ppl leave if there's any disagreement in opinions. they only want an echo chamber. it's pointless. idgi. anyway tho.

I kind of got lost whether ur talking about the show or book at a point. between them all tho, I do agree there's multiple interpretations in ways, especially if ur going across *all* of the versions. if it wasn't so antiblack here, we could prbly more easily talk about a lot of things more openly. when ppl shut down one discussion then it puts everyone on edge and we can't talk about much of *anything* else bcuz we aren't even addressing the main thing yet. a lot of this show's fandom issues are that white gays takeover every conversation and aren't interested in hearing about any racial aspects at all, even tho the main character of the show is a BLACK gay man. all ppl want to talk about is lestat and how louis should just listen to him and stop being so "mean" and on and on. it's prbly gonna be insufferable for S3 but I'm trying to avoid thinking about that lol.

"what i mostly don’t like is when people get into the territory of “lestat weaponises femininity” or arguments that his feminine traits are inauthentic/a facade to conceal his real self being a patriarchal abuser. it feels very terfy and icky considering his misogyny/toxic masculinity is learned but his queerness/femininity is genuine"

what the fuck?? well, I do know this fandom has sides to it that are v "phobic" to all of the LGBT community. tbh anne rice's writing about gay men isn't as progressive as ppl think either, so it's rly not surprising some of her fans are fucked up about it. I forget a lot that she wasn't a huge conservative bcuz her writing makes her sound like one sometimes.

but anyway. ppl need to learn all the ways that literally everyone can be a shitty person and for what reasons too. there's rampant abuse and racism in the LGBT community too, from any identity. there's no way to spot an abuser and say "these are the traits of an abuser and these are traits of a victim." lestat is never shown using any of this stuff to avoid accountability for his harmful shit...or weaponizing it?? I haven't seen these posts so idk what exactly they're saying, but based on what u wrote. tbh, as u said, it sounds like ppl just wanted a way to be homophobic and/or transphobic in a dog whistle way. this fandom *loves* doing that shit.

[aemiron-main]

before I go to sleep: seriously I see people complain about “vagueing” in terms of criticizing other analysis in your own post but then I also see people complaining when people criticize/disagree with them directly (staring at the anons in my inbox awhile back complaining at me abt both these things). it smells to me like some ppl just do not like disagreement but don’t want to admit it. you don’t have to interact w that disagreement/criticism. but you not liking it/not wanting to interact with it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t Exist. like seriously you don’t want people to vague/make their own post but you also don’t want them to criticize directly. so you just want no criticism/disagreement at All. not even in a “don’t want to see it” way bc that’s fair!! but again that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t exist/that somebody’s bad or mean or making the tag worse by posting about it. and imo someone making their own post abt it is way better than jumping onto someone else’s to directly argue.

ppl are not Morally Superior for taking the centrist route. please be fr. the concept of centrism and neutrality as an inherently morally superior/morally good standpoint is absolutely ridiculous and often actively harmful.

holding people by the shoulders and begging them to realize that having strong opinions and taking a firm side is not Inherently Morally Bad Or Harmful and nor is it “making the byler community a bad place”. Curate your online experience by all means but just because you don’t want to see smthn doesn’t mean it shouldn’t exist. Especially stuff that isn’t even harmful content, like get a grip.

[compassionatereminders]

Hi I am the anon who was saying about the people who don't have DID wanting to be in DID spaces and wanting the label, while also saying they do not fit the criteria for DID. Sorry I phrased it badly. It was in response to the person who said about the 'gatekeeping' initially and saying that people should be able to say they have DID even when they don't fit the criteria.

This is something which I personally disagree with as I find this doesn't help anyone. I find that it both makes it harder for people with DID to find help and people to relate to. And it also doesn't help plurals w/o DID as they are trying to have an experience and label which won't fit them comfortably. I think it's important that people are able to find a place and help that will fit them the best. And not saying they want the label without having DID (and not saying that they experience the symptoms at all).

This would also lead to more people thinking they have a disorder when they don't which is obviously not ideal!

(False memories are a whole other thing which is historically weaponised against people with DID and disproved in the case of people with DID and RA. Not saying people with psychosis don't experience that at all.)

I'm sorry if I worded this badly again! I'm not sure where the confusion in this is coming from (not my wording, I mean the issue at hand). I hadn't realised that some people wanted labels they don't have so I assume this is a very new issue

Okay, thanks for elaborating, because I was genuinely confused. That being said, I still think we're looking at this issue from very different perspectives. I actually think that treating the institution of psychiatry as infallible and above all debate and criticism is the wrong way to go about mental health activism. So I don't think questioning the existing diagnostic criteria for DID is, by itself, morally reprehensible. It can obviously be done in ways that are disrespectful and toxic and harmful, and I'm not saying such an approach is inherently above criticism, or even that I agree with it in this specific scenario, but I think people get to debate the content of the DSM/ICD in some capacity without this necessarily being inherently wrong. And I especially think that the mainstream idea of a diagnosis doesn't have to be set in stone and forever unchangeable. I don't have DID, and I'm not going to speak on this in the specific context of DID. But generally this is my approach to this kind of debate, which is why I read the other ask a lot differently than you apparently did

[mithliya]

Hi, I’m the “advice anon”, thank you for answering (oh my god that sounded like I am in a TV ad). Anyways, I explained the events here with another blog:

https://www.tumblr.com/letmywingsdown/732396002452078592/previous-anon-because-im-not-confident-enough

Again, thank you for, you know, letting me take your time haha <3

The thing is today I was arguing with my boyfriend. I’ll admit it was my fault because I initiated it for some very irrelevant dumb shit because I’ve been in a horrible mood lately. I knew I had to apologise once he began explaining to me how shitty it was, and I was about to but I couldn’t bring myself to actually say the words because I have a huge ego problem. So he smacked the left side of my face, my left cheek, because I just would remain stubborn and bitchy and not looking his way when he talked. It wasn’t harsh or violent and it didn’t hurt; just the wrist and upper side of the hand, quite quickly like when you have to tell off a kid. But it really caught me off guard and I stood there frozen. It feels like a boundary violation and when I brought up the subject to my mom (w/o saying it happened to me), she agreed. My bf started apologising right once I said how fucked up it was and I think it’s a genuine apology, but what am I supposed to do? I was getting on his nerves basically on purpose, and now I want to pretend I am the victim of the situation? But I was seriously just about to tell him I regretted making a fight up from thin air.. and stuff like that has happened twice before, once in my shoulder, the other one on my scalp. He continues apologising and I really want to forgive him because he is a lovely guy and the best thing that has ever happened to me, but how am I supposed to call myself a feminist and stuff when I am compliant once my boyfriend “beats” me? My father told me only the other day that women who stay in abusive relationships while knowing about the red flags are stupid. I disagree with him, but am I stupid? Or am I just thinking about this too much? I have childhood trauma, physical too, and I am unsure if I am overreacting because of being triggered rather than because it was objectively wrong to hit me.He seriously is a very nice guy and I have never felt as loved and I know his love is genuine, but this has left me unsettled and, as I said, it is not the first time. Even those two aforementioned events aside, there have been very off putting things in our relationship, like him watching porn and being into cnc (we never acted on them, just dirty talk); though I think the latter might have been my fault because I was the one mainly in it (again, trauma). This was years ago and our sexual life is very healthy now, and I know for a fact he despises porn as much as I do. So what should I do? He is the only person I have left because I am a lonely loser and our connection is so sincere but at the same time I don’t feel ensured that he would never ever harm me. Is it my trauma induced paranoia, or my intuition?

anon, no this is not at all ok. leave. please just leave. you might feel loved and he might have some good sides but there is literally no excuse for hitting you and he's clearly slowly escalating it further and further. abusers often slowly start pushing the boundaries of their partners and i fear that is what he's doing here. and him being into cnc is absolutely a red flag! ur making a lot of excuses for him which is normal, i did the same with my ex and it allowed her to take advantage of me and abuse me until she had all that she wanted from me. its not worth it. abusers like this often have a 'nice' side and will lovebomb you and have phases where they treat you well.. it's ultimately not worth it, at all. i know it's easier said than done, but just bc you haven't had better yet doesn't mean you never will, don't settle for him just because you want to be loved and because you think you can't get better: you can and its not worth it! take it from someone who DIDN'T leave, it's not worth it. you just feel used up and like you betrayed yourself for nothing in the end.

[paladin-n-cleric]

To be totally honest, this discourse is just annoying atp...like yes Bylers are hypocritical but like that is not that strange this is fandom we're talking about ofc there are going to be hypocrites and controversies and stuff but it's not like being a hypocrite is a crime. It's human. Honestly I bet that a good amount of bylers wanting a trope for byler that they criticize in mlvn didn't even realize they were being hypocritical until now. I just feel like it's not worth all this time idk (ig I'm being the hypocrite now by spending time on it but wtv).

Anyway if you are also tired of this too then no need to answer this ask, I get it. Also I love your blog <3

i totally get where you’re coming from. but also there’s nothing wrong w criticizing things; it’s not like me or the anons are going to blogs and saying we disagree (bc only then is there a problem). i genuinely don’t care what other people say or do. it’s not doing any harm, but there’s nothing wrong w saying i disagree. i think people have the impression that posting something means wanting to debate it or asking for input and it doesn’t 😭 thank you for being kind!!! <3

[angria]

About this Blog

***Do not reblog personal posts tagged #angriadm*** I cannot mass edit the reblog option retroactively, so please do not reblog older posts

Hi all, I’m Angria, not my real name (it comes from my love of the Brontë's…it’s the name of their childhood paracosm).  I live on the east coast of the US, both my home-state and the city in which I currently live.  I’m 34 and a gay/queer, cis-woman with she/her pronouns. Was a teacher, now a social work grad student.  I’ve been on here for over 10 years.  This is my outlet and safe space to express things I cannot talk about outside of therapy.  I post what I like or things that resonate with me. I'm weird and pay attention to how my tumblr looks (like how the colors, quotes, pics go together), so I usually blast 20+ posts in a row and then silence...that probably will annoy some people. Also...I curse. A lot (probably too much, but eh). And I do not tag it, so no TWs with regard to swearing.

Speaking of, I have a very specific tag system that serves me and not necessarily others in the sense of trigger warnings.  Just be aware of that and if you do need to unfollow me, I fully understand.

1) I mainly struggle with CPTSD, BPD, and severe depression from childhood abuse and neglect.  I also struggle with self harm and will mention it, usually as SH (no graphic details).  I am still in contact with my parents, for financial/practical reasons amongst others.  So please do not recommend I go no-contact.  It is a very complex situation and I actively discuss it with T.

2) I am very private when it comes to locations and people, mainly because I’m afraid of people I know finding my tumblr.  So my privacy settings are very strict and I do not allow anons.  I’ve never had a good experience during the two times I allowed it years ago.  This is my personal, private safe space and I do not need some random person’s cowardice and ignorant judgments invading it.

3) As a heads up, I do talk about religion and my faith, specifically Christianity.  I’m Episcopalian, was Atheist for a time, and recovering from my religious trauma inflicted by the Catholic Church (born and raised in a dogmatic household and school). I am a firm supporter of inclusive, affirming, and accepting theology. Religion should never be weaponized to control and manipulate others with threatening, bigoted, hate-filled doctrine or beliefs.  If it makes you feel shame, fear, or worthlessness, it does not come from God.  It comes from twisted and false human ideology cowardly hiding behind the guise of “religion.”

I did study and teach Theology for many years; however, no, I do not wish to argue or debate theological or religious discourse.  That is not the point of my blog.  It’s completely fine if you disagree with me or have different beliefs/faiths. But, I am not inviting people to challenge me purely because I have a faith.  I respect other’s faith or non-belief (as long as it doesn’t harm others), so please respect mine.  I am open to genuine questions that you may have; however, I am by no means an authority nor consider myself an expert.  I may know more than the average person, but I will always be in a state of learning.

I do write about things regarding religion that may trigger people, so please take care of yourself and unfollow, if need be. I try my best to notify people with TW/CWs and Read More’s.

Some main people/things I mention…

T is my therapist of 12 years.  He is an incredible person who has supported me and helped me throughout our time together, never giving up on me .  I probably would not be here if it wasn’t for our work.  I vent about him occasionally if I’m upset with him (which we do talk about eventually).  This is not an invitation to judge him or my therapy. My blog is only a snapshot of our years together.  You do not know him, his experience and professionalism, our boundaries, nor fully understand the context of what we discuss and process.

Dr W is my psychiatrist of 11 years.  She also is a huge advocate and actually listens to me when it comes to my symptoms, medication, and their side-effects, which is a rarity when it comes to psychs.   

Her is a child-part, for lack of better term.  The Voice is a fight(?) part.  I do not have DID, but I have been told I fit criteria of OSDD.  While I agree, I am still hesitant to say I have it.  I just know Her and The Voice are more fragmented/dissociated than how “parts” are described in IFS (Internal Family Systems).

Smshellhole was the Catholic school I attended for 11 years, from preschool to 8th grade (I always call it hellhole; the school's name is a trigger).  I was severely bullied and abused throughout that time, both from kids and teachers.  As well as the priest who worked there.  The time between 3rd and 7th grade were the worst years when I was so dissociated I can’t remember much…just small pieces. Along with the abuse and neglect at home. Main abuser is a person from hellhole during the worst years.

E and J are the priests at my Episcopal church St. P’s and have been life-changing for me and immense supporters as I untangle and process my religious trauma (a couple years ago, J left to assume a different role in a diocese that is in another state. Which completely devastated me). W is our new priest and so far seems to be kind, gentle, and welcoming.

And if you are feeling up to it, check out my positivity/recovery blog spegaudentes (Latin for rejoicing in hope). Mostly stuff that makes me happy with a smattering of coping skills and memes.

[butch-reidentified]

You got blocked after you tried to make light of the transphobia they face from the radblr community and they looked at your blog and they were right about you being transphobic and using TRA as an insult. OP of the post also blocked you for being transphobic. It's not nuanced you are just a bad person who thinks they are. I looked and the list of things they said about your blog is true.

Lmao yall can't call ppl TERF then complain about "TRA" it doesn't work like that. Can I have receipts of me making light of someone's pain in that thread? Pls? Must have blacked out! Wild!

Please point out what on my blog is hateful to trans people simply for being trans. Or maybe read some of my original posts and actually listen to what I'm saying. Trans people deserve safety, housing, protection from employment discrimination, access to care, etc. I have fought for that & continue to fight for that. I have no issue with the existence of trans people, but rather with certain rhetoric that's become popular in mainstream online "trans" spaces. It was my actual trans friends who made me realize how toxic those spaces had become. Objecting to rhetoric and disagreeing with your idea of what gender is does not equal hating trans people, wanting trans people to be harmed, or thinking trans people don't deserve rights. Posting facts and evidence that you don't like also doesn't mean I hate trans people for existing. I give EVERYONE benefit of the doubt until they give me a reason not to. Your behavior is the obviously toxic behavior, not mine. Someday you will wake up to that like all of us have, and I'm sorry for what that's going to be like. At least when I was in the gender ideology mindset I wasn't harassing women and sending anon hate, so I didn't have that guilt to deal with when I got out. I've never to this day sent anon hate to a soul. So go off all you like, but you're telling lies to yourself & everyone else. I sleep nice and cozy knowing I fight for all human rights and don't harass, belittle or bully ANYONE, especially feminists. I keep to myself on my blog. I don't hang out in your tags and I don't interact w yall unless shit comes up on my dash and I get too irritated with all the lying. Even then I'm respectful to you until you give me reason not to be. Even though I've never once reached out to anybody maliciously & never once sent a single negative anon to anyone & I get rape and death threats in my inbox almost daily, STILL I am open to hearing you & speaking with you calmly and politely. Yet every single time, it is you who ruin that opportunity, not me. Just some food for thought.

[veinsandknuckles]

please write something w abed being comforted by his partner!! i don’t mind if it’s sfw or not!! just please make it soft and stuff! thanks!!

Very good prompt, thank you anon!!! Abed Nadir/Reader Abed shuts down, goes nonverbal and the reader helps him recover. PG-13 Content warnings: ableism, self harming stims, Autism Speaks (implied), reader and Abed are both hornballs (implied) I think I wrote a gender neutral reader, but if I didn’t succeed lmk what I should fix. Same goes for any content warnings I may have missed! -------- You turned heel and ran as soon as you heard Abed scream. There was nothing quite as painful, both sonically and emotionally, as that high pitched, drawn out shriek and you knew it never came until he’d been pushed well beyond his limits. It carried, too, before it trailed off - there was a good distance between your upcoming lecture and the library so by the time you threw open the door to the study room, you were out of breath.

Abed sat on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and Britta crouched beside him, awkwardly patting his shoulder and waving a hand in front of his face.

When she saw you, she got to her feet to give you room. “I don’t know what happened, I found him like this.”

“Thank you, Britta.” You got to your knees in front of him and Abed stared right through you. It would be alright - you had a plan. “Abed, can you talk?”

Abed blinked. You drew a deep breath and looked him over. His grip was a little tighter, his posture was a little more hunched. You studied his hands - his nails were digging into his arms, he was hurting himself. As counterintuitive as it sounded and as heartbreaking as it was to see, you knew this was a good sign.

You kept your tone and face as neutral as possible so he wouldn’t have anything to interpret. “Can you make a sound?”

He screwed his eyes shut and after a pause, he managed a little hum.

“Alright, good. Last question, are we doing scenario A?”

This time the hum came quicker and stronger. Once meant yes, twice meant no. Silence meant he was beyond choosing. You turned to Britta.

“Britta, do you have Abed’s class schedule?”

“I think so.” She got out her backpack and started rifling. You could tell she was nervous, and like most nervous people, this meant she wanted to talk. “I should have a copy in my wallet, or I can get one from -“

“Can you find his professors and tell them what’s up?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”

“Great, thank you. I’ll keep you updated.” You turned back to Abed. “Abed, I’m going to grab you.”

With a bit of effort, you managed to get him on his feet with his arm across your shoulders. He stood on his own but held on tight. “Good. Now we’re going to walk, just follow my lead.”

The sight of the two of you staggering awkwardly down the halls was enough to make practically everyone stop and stare. You knew from experience that glaring right back sometimes prompted people to get out of the way but usually didn’t remind them to mind their own business. Abed had told you he didn’t notice, especially not when he was this far gone, and that if he noticed, he didn’t care. That didn’t stop you hurting on his behalf.

It took some doing, but in less than five minutes you made it to the right door. Abed walked on his own now so he entered ahead of you and stood motionless in the middle of the room while you turned on the lights, shut and locked the door behind you and made sure everything was as you’d left it. Popularity with the dean might be a mixed bag, but it definitely had its perks and the use of this dilapidated, dank corner of the campus as an emergency hide-out was one of them.

You made sure to walk into Abed’s eye line before touching him again, then took him by the arm and led him to an armchair placed against the far wall. He sat and you sat beside him.

From under your own chair, you got out a box of emergency supplies and dug out a candy bar, thanking the stars that no rats or stoners had found this little stash yet. You peeled off the wrapper and handed it to Abed who held it in both hands and took a bite. Slowly, gradually, his breathing deepened and his limbs relaxed.

“What time is it?” His voice was steady but quiet.

“It’s twenty minutes past three.”

“I have a test.”

“That’s alright, you can take it over another day. Britta is filling everyone in”

Abed sighed. He’d finished the candy and wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

“You want another one?”

He held his hands out, but wide apart, and you placed the whole box in his lap so he could help himself.

It always baffled you when people insisted Abed was difficult to read - all you’d had to do to learn was watch, listen, use a very little imagination and then ask him to explain whatever wasn’t logically obvious. He fished out a Rubik’s cube and went to work of separating the colours as thoroughly as he could.

“Thank you,” he said and looked at you properly for the first time.

For now, as long as nothing caught him off guard and he was careful, the danger had passed. You smiled and squeezed his knee. “Always.”

“Aren’t you missing your classes?”

“Eh. I like to be a little unpredictable - keeps them on their toes.”

He smiled back. “People love a good mystery. Simple mysteries, anyway.”

“Who are you calling simple?”

Abed looked a little questioning, so you waggled your eyebrows to signal that you were kidding. His expression didn’t change. “You’re not simple. You figured me out and not even I got very far with that.”

“I don’t know about all that... it’s usually easier to understand other people’s problems than to understand your own.”

“I guess that’s true.” He seemed to be working through something, so you let him be until he spoke again. When he did, he sounded hesitant. “Will you get bored?”

“How do you mean?”

“Once you’ve figured me out.”

“Abed, you’re not a puzzle.”

“I don’t know. A lot of awareness campaigns would disagree with you.”

“No, I meant you’re not a puzzle because that implies a challenge.”

Now he stared at you and his slightly offended expression made you laugh. It might suck to always be called special, but it did still mean you were special.

“Being with you is not hard work. At least it isn’t hard work for me.” But Abed didn’t look reassured, so you went on. “Does it feel like I’m trying to solve you?”

“I’m not sure. You’re methodical. Maybe I just worry about it, so I look for signs...”

You reached out and put an arm around him. Abed leant his head on your shoulder.

“I don’t want to make you feel like that because it’s not true. I love all of you. If I just wanted to learn how to help someone through a shutdown, there’s easier ways to do that than dating you.”

“Cool.” He held up his hand and you laced your fingers between his.

“Should I do anything differently?”

“No... I just needed to be sure.”

“What happened to stress you out, anyway?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t interesting.”

You snorted. “Alright then.”

He leaned out, a small smile playing on his lips. “So, if you're not dating me for my mind, it must be because I’m physically irresistible.”

“Of course it is.”

“Cool.”

“Every time you talk about Inspector Spacetime I tune out your voice and imagine climbing you like a palm tree.”

“What?”

“I meant -“ you began, but then Abed waggled his eyebrows and you laughed. “Oh, I see. Very nice.”

“My mind was somewhere else.”

“Yeah, I bet.”

He pulled at you, gently, and you slipped out of your seat to sit on his lap. Abed put his arms around you and kissed you and the kiss still tasted of sugar. When he broke it, you felt short of breath for the second time that day.

You leaned your forehead against his to steady yourself and forced yourself to ask, “are you ready to get back out there?”

“Technically, yes. If I lie, will you stay here with me?”

“Of course.”

“Then I’m not ready.”

“Good. I was hoping you’d say that.”

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I’ve found that lurking on ‘anti’ blogs gives me the same sort of anxiety feeling that I get from lurking on terf blogs or like conservative twitter accounts. This feeling that ‘oh no I feel like this person is wrong and doing harm’ and ‘what if they’re right and I’m wrong?’ Logically I know that antis don’t cause anywhere near the amount of harm those other ppl do (if any. and I think the fact that my brain seems to treat antis on par w bigots is interesting and concerning) and that these anxiety feelings are not very helpful in either case. But when someone challenges my worldview it feels really uncomfortable, and makes me want to resolve that discomfort by reaffirming my goodness and their wrongness. Which I realize is unhelpful and leads to b&w thinking and I really want to work on that, and I feel like fandom is a good place to start. So I guess I’m asking if you have any advice for building up distress tolerance for people having different opinions or worldviews?

These are really interesting and self-aware questions anon. And I do have a couple of bits of advice, I don't know how useful they are, because anxiety is a complex thing

The first is that I think it's useful not to think of TERF and Conservative blogs as being wrong in an objective sense. But instead think of them taking a different political stance from you. They probably are wrong about some facts, but that really isn't the point. The point is that they've chosen an approach to understanding society that blames ordinary people, as opposed to structures of power for problems and are not starting from a place of solidarity.

Framing politics as a choice - you choose to stand in solidarity with oppressed people around the world in order to collectively fight for a better world - rather than a question of right or wrong helps break away from black and white thinking. (And in particular it allows space for people you to disagree with right on facts, but that doesn't mean that their underlying world view is right).

For 1D - I think it can help to start with a worse case scenario - what would it mean if you were wrong? For me, I'd feel a bit foolish, but other than that it wouldn't really matter. I've been wronger in more important ways about celebrities (I used to think Joss Whedon was great). Part of the point of this thought exercise is to move back to a position where it's really normal to be wrong about celebrities. Because it is really normal to be wrong about celebrities.

To help with this I'd recommend avoiding anti-blogs - who by definition are very invested in the idea that being wrong about celebrities is a bad thing. Instead I'd recommend following chill blogs who disagree with you. People who are telling different stories about Harry and Louis, but don't think there's something wrong with people who disagree. Now this is the 1D fandom, and so those blogs are hard to find (and if anyone has any recommendations I'd love them), but they are worth looking for. Build tolerance for other worldviews by exposing yourself to them in a situation that doesn't reinforce the idea that being wrong is very high stakes.

[inessencedevided]

Rly the big difference w LWJ and Jiang Cheng in terms of their arc w WWX is that we get to see the changes LWJ goes through in real time, while JC’s pivotal decision (how he lost his core) isn’t revealed til the end. They both spend wwx’s first life misunderstanding him bc he’s hiding the truth, and like secretly trying to help him while miscommunicating about it, and struggling with responsibilities and loyalty to their sect over helping him openly. But ok jc is just evil I guess? 😂

Lmao how did you sent that on accident? 😂 but I'm not angry op because I completely agree. (Don't ever hesitate to send me an ask as long as it's not anon hate btw. I'm always happy to ramble ;))

Jiang Cheng is a very flawed person but so is kind of everyone in mdzs/cql and i think that's kind of the point. So I'm just baffled when people entirely glorify or vilify any of them. (Maybe except wen ruohan+sons and jin guangshan.those are pretty flat villainy characters ^^) In my opinion that just misses the entire point of the story. I mean sure, there are acts that in real live i would never forgive, but in a story where practically everyone has blood on their hands, it's pretty hard to definitely state "oh yes I can forgive wei wuxian for murdering millions and making wen chao eat his own fingers but I draw the line at jiang cheng torturing demonic cultivators." Like sure, if you can forgive one but not the other, that's absolutely fair. People have red lines in fiction and that's normal. But you can't claim the moral high ground here when objectively, both actions are very gruesome and amoral. I wish people would recognise more often that when it comes to their taste in fiction (or fictional characters / ships etc.) their judgement is really mostly due to preference and not some high and mighty ethical stance. Then they could recognise that people disagreeing with their opinions aren't actually morally wrong, they just have different preferences.

About jiang cheng: honestly I think his and lan Wangji's journeys are very different but as you said, they both don't communicate their feelings very well. I think the main difference after wei wuxian's resurrection is that while his death and subsequent return caused lan wangji to finally be sure about his feelings and priorities, the entire mess of it caused jiang cheng to go deep into denial about his love for wei wuxian and mask it all with 20 layers of very destructive anger.

Does he cause harm because of it? Yes he does. To wei wuxian, himself and others. (In the novel definitely more overtly because of the whole torturing demoic cultivators thing 😬) and I kind of get that some people think that their relationship is too destructive to be mended. Personally, I can empathise with this (having cut ties with family members in the past myself) but in the case of the twin heros I just don't feel that way. Maybe it's because the roots of their problems are ultimately not their fault. Everything from their differing social status over the jiang parents to the war came in between the brotherhood they shared and while they were of course active choices involved that drove them apart, none of them were ever made because they did not love each other. Obviously their inherent characters also play a role but I honestly don't think that jiang cheng would have felt he had to constantly compete against wei wuxian without his parent's behaviour towards them or that wei wuxian would have sacrificed quite as much and as readily and without even asking if he was not raised to ultimately sacrifice everything for jiang cheng if the need arose. Obviously there is nuance to which of their actions were even right or wrong and I'm definitely not the best person to analyse the social aspect of it, but I will still say that I think it's ultimately the best example of how the social hirachies as they are presented in mdzs hurt people.

Anyway, to get back to why i can't hate jiang cheng: as flawed as I think he is and as much as I am part of team "no, sometimes love is not enough and that needs to acknowledged in stories as well", I think he is ultimately one of the most damaged characters in mdzs and I find the prospect of him going through a journey that ultimately leads him towards a less destructive and "all or nothing" kind of love very cathartic.

[caswlw]

Since I saw another anon talk ablut it, I really think calling Jensen homphobic is problematic for many reasons. For one, just because he voiced on several occasions in the past that he doesn‘t think destiel is real, it doesn‘t, at all, mean he‘s homophobic. To support shipping or to support LGBTQ+ rights are two VERY different things. Everyone interprets stories in different ways and as long as you don‘t do it in a harmful way (looking at you w*ncesties), there is nothing wromg with disagreeing with a certain reading, as long as you do it respectfully. Secondly though and most importantly: you should never assume someone‘s sexuality (or gender identity). If someone has obviously expressed homophobia in the past, you van call them oit on their homophobia. However, stating someone‘s homophobic, because you think their reaction on-screen in character, in a HIGHLY edited scene is lacking? That‘s problematic. Calling someone homophobic is a hige accusations and shouldn‘t be done lightly without real proof. Otherwise, it‘ll loses some of its importance when used when it actually fits. This brings me back to assuming the sexuality of a person: by assuming everyone is straight until they say otherwise, we ourselves give in to society‘s heteronormative assumptions. There are many reasons, why someone might not out themselves, especially when you‘re a celebrity. I don‘t want to speculate on neither Jensen‘s nor Misha‘s sexuality, for that matter, that‘s not up to me or any of my business, that‘s just harmful. However I do feel kind of irked when I see some people talk to actors about our community as if the actor themself couldn‘t possibly be part of it, am I phrasing that right? I hope you know what I mean... Just, please don‘t tell people they couldn‘t possibly identify with LGBTQ+ struggles when you don‘t actually know their identity. Saying Jensen is a straight man, who was uncomfortable with destiel because he is homophobic thus for is weong on SO many levels. There are a lot of assumptions hidden in that sentence, which we of all people should know better than to make.

yeah it really is like. people are just Saying things

[icouldntfindquiet]

why are you still interacting w vanmccannonlyfans? they're a stalker who has abused many people and doxxes people online.

i dont mean to be blunt, but they have upset and abused a lot of people. some of those people have been tumblr blogs and have had to delete their blogs bc of her.

In the wise words of Van McCann: I’m dead peaceful. I am here to obsess over CATB and don’t want to be involved but here I am. 😐

As someone on the sidelines observing, I am disappointed in how this whole situation is being handled. What do you think you’ll achieve by pointing fingers and spreading hate? Do you think the problem will go away? In order to resolve conflict, you need to have a civil discussion, and if you can’t come to an agreement, you can agree to disagree. So here’s my attempt at trying to fix the issue rather than spreading hate which accomplishes nothing.

@vanmccannonlyfans: I don’t know if any of these accusations are true but we’re going to put them to the side for the time being. I’ve been told that if you don’t have anything nice to say, it’s better to say nothing at all. Whether you believe that person or not is up to you but just be careful of what you say because although you can’t see their face, you’re talking to another human being with feelings. What only takes a few seconds to type can have a lasting impact on that person emotionally. Think before you speak. If something upsets you, don’t engage. It’s not worth your time. Simple as that.

@no-words-no-name and everyone else: I understand you’re upset but this isn’t how you solve the issue. If you’re starting witch hunts and sending hate through asks, you’re no different. Again—think about the impact your words and actions have on someone else and don’t you dare say they deserve it because no one deserves hate in any form. Not everyone you encounter in life will agree with you. You can have a civil discussion to work things out or you can agree to disagree. You cannot force someone to see eye to eye with you.

And some words regarding the privacy of band members, their family, and friends: I’ve seen the word “stalker” used incorrectly. A stalker is:

a person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention.

If you are harassing the band members, their family, and friends asking them what’s happening with the band, that is not okay. Whether they want to tell us or not is their choice. Things are already stressful as it is. Have some patience and sympathy. Respect their privacy.

However, there’s nothing wrong with knowing information but not doing anything malicious with it. We’re all curious people wanting to know the latest information. Don’t make them feel like the bad guy when they’re not.

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Okay, going back to the point of this post. Do I think this write up will do anything? No, but I hope it makes everyone think twice before saying or doing something harmful. It doesn’t take much to be nice. Life is already tough as it is. If everyone showed more compassion and understanding, the world would be a better place. At the end of the day, ask yourself this: why are you on Tumblr? You’re here to interact with people with similar interests. You’re here to have fun and to relax. Don’t take away that fun from others with this negativity.

Anon, to answer your question: I’m not going to choose a side. You can choose war or peace and I choose peace.

[thisissirius]

1/2 I agree with so much of what you said, but I'm genuinely curious about that stance u have on Buck and self-harm. A couple of questions: 1) Why cant Buck self harm in fics? It almost sounds like you're trying to limit what authors can explore in writing, but many choose to write that kind of fanfic as a way to deal with their own trauma. Unless your focus is more on the why? If ur upset about people writing the team as the people to blame for his pain, I can get behind not liking the trope.

2/2 + A follow up to the prev. question. Even if you're okay with the self-harm (as long as it's not blamed on his friends), 2) Why do you assume the team would notice? People go years w/out anyone noticing (family and friends included) bc they go so out of their way not to be found out. I feel like it's kind of presumptuous to say they couldn't miss it. And to clarify, I think if they did miss it, it wouldn't be for lack of caring, it'd just be so many other life things distracting them. 

 ah, anon, you are completely valid for calling me out on this and maybe i should have clarified! self harm is ABSOLUTELY okay to explore. do i think buck would do it? no, but that’s not for me to decide. i would never limit what people can write about in fics. these are my opinions ONLY. everyone can disagree with me, honestly. i’ve explored my own trauma in fics before, but i’ve always tried to make it fit the canon characters.

i just want people to realise that there’s exploring your trauma through characters, and just victimising characters for the sake of wanting them to be like you. am i explaining that difference right? we love to identify with characters but they aren’t actually you. do i identify with buck and eddie? in part, OF COURSE. but that doesn’t mean they suddenly change character to fit the way i feel, or that their friends and family change to fit the narrative i want to tell. does that make sense? 

 everyone’s entitled to write what they like, but that whole post was about the trend i’m seeing more and more of people making buck the victim when that just doesn’t make SENSE for his character or the other characters. so often, buck suffers and people write him and explore their own trauma, but in doing so, nobody else in the show makes sense. you can’t change everyone else to fit the narrative you want to tell. if that’s the case, transplant buck somewhere else! don’t victimise other characters, who have their own fans and their own hang ups and such complex backstories that are ignored and distorted because people want buck to be the victim. 

Unless your focus is more on the why? If ur upset about people writing the team as the people to blame for his pain, I can get behind not liking the trope. - THIS. this was the whole point of my post, anon, not to discredit people wanting to explore their trauma.

when i mentioned buck hurting himself it was in reference to fics i’d seen around that have buck wounding himself on the job/hurting himself accidentally and then nobody picking up on it. but also because buck doesn’t mention it and given what his job is that just doesn’t make sense to me. the team ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOTICE THIS.  self harm is so incredibly different and i get that people try so very hard to hide it. i’ve known people that self harm and no, i didn’t pick up on it, so i am not saying the firefam or maddie would pick up on it if it was buck.

i hope this post clarifies!

again, these are simply my OPINIONS (no, this isn’t addressed at you, anon, but in general) about buck, the fandom, and its tendancies in regards to buck sometimes. 

it’s upsetting for those of us whose favourite character isn’t buck to see the way they’re treated and twisted to suit a victimising mentality. 

[mithliya]

me: her opinions are harmful but that doesn’t mean she deserved that harassment

this anon: menalez said “she had different opinions from me so good riddance”

y’all are incapable of not strawmanning it’s embarrassing