#annoying but objectively quite funny

[grassbreads]

Been catching up on a very good fic between tasks/during my lunch break at work, but I just finally got to the next nsfw scene after a long stretch without, forcing me to stop :(

[mariasont]

A Simple Rinse Would've Sufficed - A.H

summary: sweetheart!reader is completely convinced hotch's first aid response is overboard

masterlist

pairings: aaron hotchner x sweetheart!reader

warnings: dbf aaron hotchner, teeny tiny cut on readers hand, pre-relationship, reader being lil obsessed with hotch

wc: 0.9k

"This really isn't necessary," you murmur, but the words lack conviction, trailing off before they can land.

Hotch doesn't look up. Doesn't hesitate. Just finishes unscrewing the cap on the antiseptic like he didn't hear you—or more likely, he did, and didn't care for the argument.

It was just a scratch. Practically invisible. Nothing to fuss over. But apparently, Hotch is operating under some kind of every minor injury is a security threat policy.

Which felt especially ridiculous considering you'd just walked away from an arrest unscathed. You'd spent the last twenty-four hours proving yourself—running down leads, securing evidence, even keeping up with the rest of the team during the suspect pursuit. You were proud of that. 

And then you got back to the precinct, went to grab a file from one of those awful old metal drawers, and bam. A tiny, inconsequential scrape across your palm. You had survived actual violence, only to be bested by office furniture.

So now you were getting a full medical exam over something that wasn't even visible unless you really squinted.

You shift on the edge of the table, legs swinging, mostly because sitting still feels impossible under his touch. His hands are big—bigger than you realized until now. Strong, but you'd say also careful, the pads of his fingers pressing lightly against your skin as he holds you in place. The sensation sends an unsteady type of warmth curling up your spine, landing somewhere behind your ribs.

"It's barely even a cut," you say, attempting to sound exasperated instead of—whatever this was. "Like, I'm pretty sure I've had worse from opening candy wrappers."

That earns you a look, and you instantly shrink under it.

Not a harsh look, not even an annoyed one—just Hotch's look. That's explanation enough. The kind that makes you feel like you should probably quit while you're ahead, but also makes you realize you're probably not capable of quitting while you're ahead.

So, naturally, you keep talking.

"I mean, I really don't think this requires a whole medical response, sir," you add, the nervous energy bubbling under your skin making it impossible to shut up. You clamp down on the urge to chew your lip, shifting slightly under his attention.

The antiseptic meets your skin with a sharp little sting, and you suck in a breath, fingers twitching like you might actually yank your hand away from your boss.

Hotch doesn't even blink. Just presses a little firmer, holding your wrist steady like he already expected you to flinch. "Hold still."

And gods help you, but something about it turns your thoughts into white noise.

It's nothing. Objectively, logically—nothing. Just Hotch being careful, thorough, like he is with everything.

Except his hands are warm. Rough in a way that makes your breath feel a little short, moving over your skin with a level of care that shouldn't make you feel nearly as dizzy as it does.

You blink, zeroing in on the plain, standard-issue bandage he's peeling open—completely unremarkable, completely ordinary. Like forcing your brain to register on the most boring detail in the room will make you stop spiraling. 

"It's just funny," you blurt, because the silence is suffocating, and you're panicking a little.

Hotch gives you a look, not quite questioning but not dismissing either.

You clear your throat. "I mean, you do realize you've done more for this than most people would do for, like, a full-on stab wound, right?"

A pause. Just long enough for you to start regretting speaking at all.

And then—to your absolute horror—something shifts. A flicker of amusement. So quick, so barely there, you might've imagined it.

Oh no.

You'd almost prefer it if he just ignored you. If he shut you down with that infamous serious look he always wore. This, the possibility that you might've entertained him for even half of a second, was infinitely worse.

His thumb smooths over the bandaid, pressing it into place, and your body locks up.

Because he doesn’t move away.

For a second—maybe less, maybe nothing at all—his touch lingers, barely there but there, the warmth of his skin bleeding through the thin adhesive. He’s still holding your hand. His thumb still resting against you, light, thoughtless. Like he doesn’t even realize it.

You should move.

You should say something.

You should not be sitting here, waiting to see if he notices.

Then, as quickly as it happened, it’s over. Hotch lets go, caps the antiseptic, and steps back like it never happened.

"There," he says, so even, so unaffected, like none of this was anything. For him it probably wasn't. "You'll live."

You exhale a laugh—too thin, too breathless—like your brain is trying to reset itself, like you weren’t this close to total system failure. “Well, thank God. I was getting worried.”

He doesn’t react, doesn’t even glance up at you as he secures the first-aid kit back in place. “Check in with Prentiss before you go.”

You nod—too fast, too much—and push yourself off the table, legs feeling weirdly unsteady, like you’ve been sitting too long. That’s all this is. You just need to walk it off.

And then he's gone. You stare at your hand, fingers flexing experimentally. 

“You do realize that was entirely unnecessary.”

You jolt, turning so fast you almost trip over yourself. Reid is standing there, arms crossed, head tilted slightly like he’s studying something under a microscope.

You blink. "I—what?"

Reid gestures toward your hand. “That wound wasn’t significant enough to require antiseptic or dressing. A simple rinse would have sufficed.”

You stare. Your brain is still buffering—half stuck-on Hotch, half trying to figure out how Reid manages to be the weirdest and most correct person in any given room.

"I—uh." You clear your throat. "Good to know."

Reid nods. "Just thought you might find that interesting."

taglist: @readergf @edencherries @aurorsworld @princess76179 @malindacath @broadwaytraaaaash @sunfyyre @sleepysongbirdsings @trulycayla @crouchingapple @navia3000 @aaronlovesava @bakugocanstompme @pansexualhailstorm @averyhotchner @looking1016 @everythinglizzy @sky2nd @alexxavicry @spencerssatchel @candyd1es @storiesofsvu @pleasantgardenwitch @kodzukenmaa @hiireadstuff @dilflover-3 @spennciesslut @phoenix-le-danseur-de-pole @jstcln @just-here-to-read13 @c-losur3 @wondergal2001 @oliver-1270 @ssahotchbabe @savagemickey03 @justanotherbimboslxt @imoonkiss @estragos @khxna @de-duchess @raysmayhem-72 @piinksdoll @justyourusualash @whimsicalpolitical @kcch-ns @cool-light32 @reidfile @sugarbutterbailey @ssamorganhotchner @persephonestears @moonyxstars @spookyysinsanity @proxxyshouse @spoolsofgreenspoolsofblack @imsonotweird @jungchloe @she-wont-miss @duchesz @may-machin99 @historicallyweirdandqueer @in-the-kosmos @lcvealwayss @p13rc3-th3-m4tt13 @babyhoneybyhs @reire11

taglist is closed for now until i can figure out the best way to include more than 50 mentions :(

[whatifitis]

♡ Only Us - LN 4 ♡

Summary: Lando does a little fuck up and you're stubborn but you love him anyway. Feat. Max F being annoyed with a lack of dining utensils in an airbnb

Author's Note: this was based off this request! sorry for taking so long to write something. I hope this lives up to the request <3

WC: 1633

CW: Lando being a little shit, fluff, max f cussing

“I can’t believe this expensive air bnb doesn’t have utensils.” Max says, feeling a bit frustrated as you’d all gone shopping earlier for some groceries for your time in the air bnb. However, none of you thought to get some silverware as well, “it’s an air bnb, not a fucking hotel. There should be silverware in here. For fucks sake. We’re gonna have to eat with our hands like barbarians.”

“Max, relax. We can just get some pizza or something. No need for utensils.” Pietra says, walking up to him and hugging him from behind. You were starving so you hope a consensus can be made quickly. You hadn’t eaten all day due to having to rush from one place to another and somehow, every place that you had passed and that served food had a long wait. 

You and Lando watched the scene unfold from the couch as Max tried to argue that utensils will be needed at some point and you can’t just eat pizza the whole trip. After some debates, Max clapped his hands together, “All right. We’re getting chinese because we can ask for utensils and use them for most of the trip.” 

Everyone seemed pleased with Max’s idea and so you all gathered around to list everything that was needed before someone made the call and actually placed the order. 

In true Lando fashion, the man ordered nearly 40 spring rolls… that’s your man…

The whole group gathered in the living area and played some card games while everyone waited for the food to arrive. There was a lot of betting and wins and losses. Lando somehow was the only one to be down to his underwear after losing quite a few rounds of poker. Only Lando would find himself in that predicament. 

“If the food doesn’t arrive soon, I’m gonna call and ask where the fuck it is. It’s been ages. Where the fuck is it? The guy is probably having a fat shit and the foods getting fucking cold.”

“Max, it’s been 30 minutes and it was a pretty big order. It will be fine, just sit down and have some crisps.”

“No, P I’ve got the shakes look.” Max says whilst purposefully shaking his hands in an exaggerated manner, to which Pietra rolled her eyes. 

After some time, the doorbell rang and Max just about ran to the door, tripping over the leg of a chair in the process. Once Max is back with the bags of food, he places them on the table and begins to unpack them. As he unpacks everything, his eyebrows begin to furrow with each item he takes out, “No, no, no ,no! No fucking way.”

“Mate, what’s going on?” Lando walked behind Max. 

“There’s no utensils! They forgot the fucking utensils. Oh my fuck.” Max says in defeat, throwing his hands in the air and plopping onto the seat behind him. 

You couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. You feel bad for the man, but the scene was just too funny. 

“Yeah, keep laughing as you eat your fried rice with your bare hands. I hope your fucking rice is cold as well, fucks sake.” Max threatens. The man may be small, but when he’s upset, he doesn’t hold back with the threats. 

“Max, it’s okay. We can just make some makeshift utensils.” you offer. 

“Now how are we gonna do that, Y/n.”

“Simple. Someone can use this pen, we can roll this piece of paper into a cone and someone can shovel food into their mouth-”

“That’s absolutely ridiculous… Let’s do it before I rip someone's head off.”

So now the scene is painted, everyone is sitting around the coffee table and chowing on their food with the strangest objects. Pietra was using two makeup brushes as some makeshift chopsticks whilst Max opted to use the cone shaped paper, literally shoveling food into his mouth. Lando had decided to use a pen to try and shove food into his mouth and you ended up using a lens that popped out of your glasses when Lando sat on them earlier. 

When it happened, you wanted to be upset with Lando because they were your favorite glasses and they were the only ones you had brought on this trip. But Lando quickly apologized and immediately bought you a new pair. You also couldn’t be mad because once Lando saw how upset you were, he’d said “Just because my ass is fat, doesn't mean my feelings are tough.”

“I’m so hungry, I was about to go mental.” you said as you had taken your first few bites. 

“Same.” Max said, causing you all to side eye him, “what?”

“Babe, you were already going mental.” Pietra had told him. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was calm, cool, and collected.”

After everyone openly judged Max, you all carried on eating and talking. Lando decided it was a good idea to play around and when he did, he was bumping into you. You were still eating so you asked him to calm down so you could finish eating but he didn’t. He ended up knocking your lens out of your hand and it got thrown across the room, shattering onto the floor. 

You just simply sat and stared at the shattered lens. You guys were limited on things you could use to eat so now all you could do was eat with your hands. But now you were too pissed off to eat. You’d lost your appetite. You simply stood up, threw your plate out and went to bed. 

Lando followed after you and you quickly glanced at him before turning your back to him. He looked truly regretful of his actions, “Baby, I’m sorry. I should’ve listened to you. You hadn’t eaten all day and I fully messed up. You can use the pen I was using. You didn’t eat much.” 

“Not now, Lan. I’m tired and I don’t wanna yell at you.”

He understood his faults and didn’t want to make everything worse. He knew you needed the space so that night, he didn’t come to bed. He decided it was probably best to spend the night on the couch and let you have the bed to yourself. 

You tossed and turned all night, missing Lando’s warm body being next to yours. He did make you upset today but it didn’t mean you wanted him to sleep on the couch. But you were too stubborn so he spent the whole night on the couch. 

In the morning, everyone was set to wake up and get ready to ski and snowboard. You decided to sleep a little longer due to the fact that you slept so little during the night. But your sleep was cut even shorter when you were startled awake from the slamming of a door. Lando had accidentally hit the bedroom door so hard, it slammed into the wall. 

As soon as Lando had realized his mistake, he, once again, looked at you apologetically and mouthed the words ‘i’m so sorry’ but you were already pissed off yet again. You decided to just get up and get ready for the day, not paying much mind to Lando as you didn’t want to explode at him. 

The whole day, you spent time with the girls and just tried to enjoy your day. When it was starting to get dark, the whole group agreed to meet at the bottom of the hill near the cafes. You made your way down on your snowboard and when you spotted Lando standing alone at the bottom, you decided to have a little payback. 

Once you were close enough, you turned your snowboard to stop and spray Lando with snow. 

“I deserved that.” Lando had said as he tried to brush off some snow.

“You did.” was all you said before you made your way to the rest of the group. 

Once everyone was back in the cabin, you all started shedding your layers and began to unwind. You were walking around the house, just tidying a bit out of boredom when you stumbled upon some mistletoe that was hanging in one of the doorways. “You know we need to kiss now because that's the rule.” you heard Lando say from behind you. He had his classic smirk plastered on his face. 

You decided to give him a quick peck, resulting in him being smiley and thinking everything was okay now. 

“Nope. Still mad.” you said as you turned to walk away. But before you could walk away, Lando had wrapped himself around you. 

“No! I’m not letting you go til you love me again.”

“Lan, let me go.”

“No”

“Lan”

“Nope”

This continued as you tried to wrestle him off but he kept his hold on you and he ended up climbing onto your back but you weren’t prepared so the two of you fell into a mess of intertwined limbs and laughter. 

After the two of you caught your breath, Lando asked “Are we okay?” with a serious look on his face. You knew he could be insecure at times in the relationship, even after little arguments and disagreements. 

“Yes, baby. We’re okay. I was just tired, I’m sorry for making you think otherwise.” 

“‘S okay. I know I kinda fucked up.”

“Yeah. But no matter the fight, I will still love you and want you. What we’ve got going is good.” you move your hand to gently tap his temple, “We can try to quiet the noises in your head.”

He lets out a soft laugh, “I never thought there’d be someone like you who could want me. But here you are. It’s you and me and that’s all that I need it to be.”

“Only us.”

“Only us.”

[twistedwonderlandimaginesblog]

Can I request the leech twins + riddle having an s/o that has the same abilities as poison ivy,aka plant manipulation.Also would find it funny if their s/o has sentient small mushroom people as their little assistant

(I'm goin' specifically off the lil mushroom assistant)

Floyd Leech:

Your little mushroom assistants make him think of Jade, and he’s a little wary when they get close to him as he’s been made to consume one too many mushrooms. He pokes and prods at them when he’s bored, grinning as they fight back against his finger which would surely win if he put the effort in. He decided the little things were pretty cute, only somewhat annoying, and he knew Jade would be jealous if he approached with a few lil mushroom guys hanging out on his shoulder.

Jade Leech:

Jade doesn’t think you could’ve been more perfect. Your fondness for plants, and ability to manipulate said plants, made you the perfect hiking partner when he braved the mountains to look for new mushrooms. Each mushroom assistant seemed to have a different personality, some grumpy, some venomous, some a little loopy. He was endlessly fascinated at your assistants and silently wondered if they had the capability to truly think; he wondered what would happen if he served them the reality that they were just food, but he kept that to himself as you seemed quite fond of the little guys (and he liked most of them as well).

Riddle Rosehearts:

Riddle thinks it’s an incredible feat, having to admire your control of your magic as it couldn’t be easy to bring something like a mushroom to life. He thinks they’re quite useful little things as they often helped him find lost objects, which was not something that happened often but when he needed a pen or his tea needed to be stirred while he was otherwise occupied, they came to the rescue. He does consider whether they have to follow the rules and decides they certainly do, though he’s not sure where to buy tiny enough tea cups that they can partake in the Queen of Hearts’ traditions.

[colourstreakgryffin]

This may be a rather weird ask/request to attempt but I love how you write and figured I'd tried!

If you can, may I request an Alastor x reader (your choice on romantic or platonic) based around the whole concept of "an unstoppable force meets an immovable object". Basically always smiling Alastor meets a sinner who self proclaims that they can't smile and Alastor does everything in his power to make them smile once.

If you can't do it, I completely understand!

Oooh! Okay. Okaaay! I can try this out. It may be a bit odd and I can see whatcha mean. Reader/Leitora doesn’t smile, Alastor tries to make them smile but it just doesn’t work. If that’s what you mean, I get it! And it’ll be platonic since you know, easy for this situation! Sorry but I can’t write a lot here so it’s kinda short…

Alastor- Smile, my Dear

Alastor has never felt so stunted yet so interested in the same time… you don’t smile, he has never seen a single bit of a grin on you. A brand new Hotel client that has even admitted openly you don’t smile. He has only ever seen such a neutral deadpan or a straight-up scowl

And he doesn’t like that at all… he doesn’t like it

“Come now, darling. Why always the frown? You’d look so much better with a smile”

You just ignore his ‘request’ and continue frowning… how wonderful. Not only does he have one annoying non-smiler, he now has two and that drives him up the wall…

Alastor does subtle but obvious tricks to make you smile, making you say specific phrases that’d always illicit a smile upon saying, giving out bad dad jokes when least suspected. Many things and all fail, which frustrates him but he is too much of a stubborn prideful man to quit

Alastor wonders why you even decline smiling. What’s wrong with smiling? Did somebody suck all the happiness out of you or something. There has be a reason behind it and he’ll dig it out of you one day

Alastor always does things for you. He gives you food, he gets you unimportant items, he does all of this to see he can draw out, even the smallest grin and whilst, he is confident he’ll succeed everytime… he doesn’t and it drives him mad

Alastor is enamoured just by your lack of grins. He doesn’t love you but he is in love with the challenge and the work of making you smile. Even threatening does nothing, you don’t respond to even him threatening to harm you if you don’t smile

How is even it possible?

Nevertheless, Alastor won’t give up and he will keep trying until he wins but he is unaware that you’re not budging against his attempts

“Look, my dear. Isn’t that funny? Hmm… you’re laughing but you’re not smiling… that’s so odd”

[moonlight-tmd]

Hey, sorry if I'm bothering you or anything. But I am curious, like what would happen if Bumblebee is a femme (female), and what are his teammates and crushes reaction to that?

Well, that's interesting.

There could be two takes on that, either she is a femme by forging or some freak incident with the allspark shard happened and turned him genderbend.

In my mind Cybertronians are aliens so they don't really need to represent themselves as male/female. I'd say the population is about 2/3ds of them having binary pronouns and expressions while the rest just does their own thing. Of couse, while this is a fairly common thing, that doesn't mean where aren't bad things like sexism or xenophobia (mostly towards warframes cuz majority are Decepticons).

If you're in a bad part of town, you might stumble into these types of bots. Minibots aren't takes as seriously as a normal civil frame would, but the lower in morale you go you'll find that these shady folks often treat minis as lap pets.

If Bee was a femme by forging she'd have a hard time staying out of trouble considering most mechs tried to harass her over he frame. Even if she wasn't the most femme-looking and curvy it was quite obvious she was in fact a femme. Most often than not mechs would comment on her big chest kibble.

Wasp was one of those mechs, he'd constantly try and grope the fellow mini and try to intimidate her to be his sparkmate ut it never worked. He thought she was playing tough but in reality she just wanted away from this creep. Thankfully Bulkhead turned out to be different; the mech tried to approach her many times and she just thought he wanted to hit her up too. Took a while and a Bulkhead defending her from Wasp to realize he just wanted to befriend her.

In case of crushes, Bee had 3; Longarm from the times of boot camp. Prowl from their times on earth and Blitzwing who she inconveniently found attractive during their battles.

I don't think it would be much different form how Bee would be treated as a mech. I mean, Longarm was essentially a school buddy, they got along well, maybe something blossomed and it only became something serious once on earth.

Prowl is the exact same, he'll treat Bee the same way he'd treat him as a mech. But I can see few folks teasing him about having no sense of personal space when he and Bee are bickering. Who knows, maybe one day after a much heated fight between the two, Prowl will wake up and realize Bee has been on his mind all the time and is not as annoying as he makes himself believe.

Blitzwing- honestly, he'd be smitten the first time he sees her. He's been trying his luck in the Legion but everyone always turns him away, mostly due to his condition. But then he sees this tiny cute femme with sharp glossa and visible enjoyment for odd things and he's all over her. He'll flirt in the middle of the fight and pretend they're dancing and not trying to off one another. He'll bring her flowers and stolen objects he'd think she might like, Bee is so tired of this adorator but at the same time she really enjoys it. The others are just annoyed at his courting.

If Bee was somehow turned femme on Earth it would be pretty funny. I've actually had an idea a while back on this.

They were trying to reach the shard but it was one of the unstable ones; it caused everything around to go haywire and, as one of the weirdest things it did, it transformed various machinery into other things. Like forklifts shifted parts to become ice cream machines spurting oil, that sort of thing. They managed to get it but of course, Bee has been hit in the process. he woke up and only after the others saw him he realized what happened. He was a tad more curvy than his mech self, his subspace was now hanging from his hips and he has door wings. His horns were a bit thinner and longer and his peded gained heel struts much like Prowl had. Even his voice shifted to be on a higher note.

At first he was freaking out but over time he got used to it, maybe even like it. The others were sure surprised and had to adjust but there wasn't much issues. Well, except Optimus who seemed a tad uneasy at the sight whenever they spoke.

I would say Prowl was definitely surprised at the sudden change, more surprised when he caught himself being nicer towards Bee in general. They were working on a way to reverse this back since Bee seemed to want his old look back but overtime Prowl noticed Bee changing his demeanor when speaking on the topic. One time he approached the scout when he was sitting alone on the roof and asked what was wrong. Bee then asked him if how he'd feel if he stayed like this instead of going back to his old self.

Prowl didn't expect that but said that if he wants to stay like this he should do it. Bee confessed he has grown to enjoy being a femme, he was glad the one he cared about the most was supportive of it. Ratchet understood too, he just wished Bee would've told him sooner so he wouldn't have spend a good amount of their resources preparing for the frame upgrading. And so Bee officially became a femme and even switched his pronouns to be she/her. It was a short while before everyone got the hang of it and all was good. Well, except Sentinel who now not only harassed Bee cuz he hated him but also was being a creep. But except for that all was good.

Blitzwing's reaction would be when they are already dating and Bee shows up wearing a blanket, covering it up as him being cold. At some point Blitz accidentally rips the blanket off and sees Bee's frame. He wasn't sure why Bee was so nervous about it, those were great upgrades! Then he heard how he got those "upgrades" and it made sense. He still loved Bee and didn't care one bit about his new look- well, except the door wings, he couldn't get enough of them and knowing all the common sensitive spots for flight frames he had one hell of a fun time watching Bee be all flustered and fluttery when he touched them. When Bee showed up to another meeting with much more confident attitude he knew something was up. Bee told him about the plans to bring back his old look so he was quite surprised to hear that was scrapped and Bee was a she now. Of course he gave her extra loving that night and maybe they discovered a few new things about her anatomy. Blitz certainly enjoyed every bit of his new-old Bee.

Idk is Longarm/Shockwave would care much. Longarm is more on the mech expression, Shockwave has nb vibes with he/him pronouns. He'd support Bee during his journey of coping and discovery and he'd be happy when Bee finds his new self that he's happy with. i'm not really sure what to write here tbh.

And that's it. Hope you liked it!

[gatitties]

Weee could you write Kid pirates, white beard pirates and heart pirates with quite reader that likes to follow their captain around everywhere ? Just having their captain's little non-biogical bro/sibling following him around ( ok but replace white beard with Marco and/or Ace, that's a father not a brother )

tommorow is my last final exam, i'm just glad Byiee

—Kid Pirates, Whitebeard Pirates & Heart Pirates x reader

—Summary: you are a calm and curious person who prefers to follow around your captain or partner.

—Warnings: none

ohh, I guess you already know the note for that exam bc it took me so long to write this 😶 , but anyway, I'm sure you passed it! now it's time to enjoy holidays!!

─ Everyone watches in silence as you follow your captain around like a baby duck, kind of funny considering what kind of crew you're on.

─ Kid isn't a big fan of you following him everywhere, but at least you're not annoying since you hardly ever speak, he's started to develop the habit of looking behind him to check if you were there.

─ Maybe he'll end up taking it out on you at the end of the day because well, you spend most of the day with him, and sometimes he needs to take a weight off his shoulders, you don't mind that he yells at you, really, you just look at him in silence while he barks like a dog, waiting for him to give you some chore to do.

─ Everyone admires you, not only for your strength, but for your willpower in putting up with Kid's temper so easily.

─ Killer will probably tell you not to follow him for so long or you will slowly fall into madness, he doesn't want to lose crewmates that easily.

─ Heat thinks that Kid is a bad influence on you because you started to insult more than normal, also adopting bad habits from your captain.

─ But you don't give it importance, you like to follow your captain, at least this created a closer relationship between the two of you, spending so much time together made you both know every weak point you had.

─ And sometimes, in your most rebellious days you played those keys that irritated Kid the most, of course that was a double-edged weapon because he also knew what bothered you, so it ended in a silly fight between the two of you.

─ He scolds you a lot because whenever you help him in the workshop you don't know most of the objects that are there, so sometimes you just sit and watch what he does or play with the materials.

─ Maybe you're banned from his workshop because you once accidentally blew something up…

─ On those occasions you cling to Killer, you usually accompany him to do chores on the islands, so he can't complain that you follow him around like an abandoned dog when you are of great help.

─ Kid will feel strange not having your silent presence next to him, used to you being there, but he prefers not to risk his material.

─ You came to the crew when you were young and decided that you needed advice or someone to help you fit in more with that big family.

─ Ace was the closest person to your age and it was easy to get along with him, ending in which you began to follow him as an apprentice, Ace was helpful because unlike you, he was much more social and helped you get to know better some of your comrades.

─ Some make fun of you because you look like Ace's shadow, but neither you nor he could care less, you remind him of Luffy following him through the forest when they were kids and it doesn't bother you that he sometimes faints due to narcolepsy.

─ He doesn't mind at all that you follow him, although he would prefer that you talk a little more, but he understands that you are a person of few words.

─ Whitebeard finds it adorable, it's like watching two strangers become siblings from one day to the next, of all the people who were in his crew he could say that you two were the quickest to form such a close bond.

─ It's not always good to follow Ace, many times he gets drunk and you have to take him back to the ship, so maybe you take some nights for yourself, or rather to follow Marco.

─ Although you had a much closer relationship with Ace than with Marco, the doctor was also one of the first to accept you into the crew.

─ So when Ace usually goes out to a party, you stay on the boat since Marco doesn't usually sign up for that kind of thing, you help him with whatever he needs, most of the time he simply makes you move medical supplies from one place to another or order the drawers and shelves.

─ Marco will appreciate the silence more since you usually help him late at night and sometimes he has long days dealing with the crew, more than one day he ends up with a headache and thanks that you don't usually talk as much as others.

─ You probably won't take a good thing from both of them, as if the only thing you could keep were the bad habits of both of them, which means that you will be more daring and lose hours of sleep from now on.

─ Law is rethinking his life decisions at the moment he notices how you start to follow him throughout the submarine, maybe he accepted you too quickly in the crew.

─ You only got bored because you always completed your tasks quite quickly, and who better to tell you what to do than your captain?

─ Law appreciated his alone time very much, and you always broke it, although he couldn't complain much since despite everything, you didn't open your mouth at all.

─ The truth is that you liked to irritate him a bit, but then it was routine to follow Law in most of the things he did, as a consequence you ended up reading almost all of his personal library.

─ Shachi and Penguin will sometimes help you irritate Law by following him around the submarine, these two get bored too and seeing your captain upset with you all seems fun, at least it is until he separates your limbs and hides them.

─ You decided not to try to bother him so much because last time he hid your hands in the freezer and your legs in the oven.

─ Your discussions are totally silent, as if you shouted by gestures, at least you did most of the time.

─ You will definitely be losing hours of sleep because of Law, you will surely end up asleep in a chair long before him and wake up wrapped in a blanket the next morning.

─ The times you are not close to Law, you usually spend them with Ikkaku since being close to her will always give you advantages, you can choose what you want to eat if you help her in the kitchen, which also means that you can sneak some bread into the kitchen.

─ You'll end up running away whenever you do that, but at least you could laugh at the look on your captain's face when he saw a measly crumb of bread in his food.

─ Prepare for a revenge in the next few days, following Law daily also makes you weak against him, so just wait for him to use one of the things that bother you against you.

[feralrabidcrow]

Random Headcanons I Have With No Theme Whatsoever!

Engineer is fully ambidextrous.

Medic used to have a lot of food allergies when he was younger, and it was quite annoying, so he simply learned how to get rid of them. In the process, he also learned how to create allergies. So, if someone pisses Medic off enough, they might just end up allergic to their favourite food.

Australia has had legal gay marriage since the mid 1800s. Because of this, Australia's population consists of A) big muscly Australians with awesome mustaches, and B) queer people from around the world who immigrated for the gay rights. This was one of the hardest things to adjust to when Sniper came to America, the much more hostile attitude towards queer people.

Miss Pauling loves plants, but due to her busy lifestyle and God hating her personally, the only things she can keep somewhat alive are cacti and succulents.

Every man in Spy's lineage has had long hair at some point in their lives. Spy included. Also, every man in Spy's lineage has only had one son, and any other children were daughters. This means that either Scout will be the first in a long time to break this pattern, or one of his sons will have a realization down the line.

Soldier lacks object permanence (this one is just a joke it makes me laugh)

Medic has eaten human flesh before and he's not opposed to trying it again.

Archimedes is immortal. Whether or not this is Medic's doing is unknown. (this one isn't that serious I just think it's funny)

Sniper's stupid ass sunglasses are prescription and that's why he always wears them. He literally needs them to see.

Scout's Tom Jones tattoo is actually a birthmark he came out of the womb with it (can you tell I'm only taking these half seriously)

Spy is a horse girl (this one is serious actually if you can believe it)

Soldier and Demoman brush each other's teeth.

Heavy is an excellent swimmer, he and his sisters would go swimming in freezing cold lakes for fun when they were younger.

In contrast to that, Medic cannot swim.

[melikedraw]

Hello good evening how are you? Msy I ask for more gaolang headcanons pretty please w a cherry on top?

Pre-dating Gaolang headcanons

Gaolang x gn!reader

FUCK YEA I love him he's my little meow meow goodeveningtoyoutoo I /gen don't give a fuck if it's ooc I think this is funny

~~~~~

- he is so dense yet so observant at the same time it's actually crazy how he does that

- as in, he'll remember your birthday, your favorite colour, how you like to style your hair, even down to small stuff like that one object you looked at from afar, he takes note of all of it

- but when it comes to you dropping hints? He's so ignorant about it it's as if he's doing it on purpose

- it's a little bit of that, he doesn't think you would actually want him romantically, and therefore ignores when you say something like "that could be us lol" and point at a couple. He just came to the conclusion that you're silly like that

- he thinks he isn't suited for romance, and tells himself that he's too busy, that he has too much going on in his life, and he wouldn't be able to handle more

- you gotta be reeeal patient with him, it'll take a while for him to actually start considering you as a possibile romantic partner

- for a very long time, he just thinks of you as a "special friend", not quite a lover, but definitely not a run in the mill buddy of his either

- probably gets a bit annoyed when someone asks "what are you two?" And he has to answer with "just friends." It irritates him to have to say that but he doesn't understand why it feels so off to him

- he's also much more lenient with you, letting you do stuff he wouldn't let just a friend do, like touch him, his hair, his face, his hands, just him in general

- he also tends to talk about you to other people. Like if something brought up in the conversation reminds him of you he'll just be like "oh yea, y/n does that too."

- has one of those middle of the night eureka moments where he's like "oh... I like like her."

- after which he will start distancing himself from you lol (seriously, he avoids the shit out of you) thinking of excuses to tell himself about why he shouldn't date you

- he doesn't want to be burdened by love, he's much too busy for that (someone please teach him that love isn't a burden) (cough cough y/n cough ahem)

- soon enough he'll realize on his own that ignoring you isn't working (he misses you :( ) and switches to plan b

- FINALLY pursuing you (yaaay, congrations guys, milestone moment)

- he is suuuper formal with it, probably sends you invites to dinner via mail...

- he treats asking you out like a job, taking it very very seriously and often robotically as if he's just following a set of rules or steps

- first few dates are painfully awkward

- the dates themselves are actually pretty perfect, classic fancy dinner date, very romantic vibes, he's nice, as always

- it's just that, him going from avoiding you to straight up telling you he plans on pursuing you was quite the jump

- also he does actually straight up say "I will be pursuing you. Be ready" Yikes (rizzless /j)

- he only asks you to be his bf/gf/lover/partner after date 5 because he wants you to be absolutely sure that you want to be with him romantically (sigh took him long enough istg)

- rama knew from the start btw (you're the only person that gaolang actually talks positively about to him)

[kasssscali]

Can you do Jax x Marionette Reader whos a girlboss and also is playful with him back please :)

“So what are you like a…. Puppet of some sort?” That’s the first thing Jax says to you on your arrival

you don’t even know what you are either

He doesn’t think much of you when you first meet, but he goes above and beyond to make sure your experience in the world is literal hell

but to his surprise you find amusement whenever he trips you or cuts your strings making you collapse

it weirds him out to see someone not getting mad, his attempts of messing with you are failing

honestly with this being Jax of all people, it could scare him off. At first he sees it as a challenge, but whatever he does to get on your slightest nerve (or string H A) just apparently doesn’t work

after countless times of continuous failure, he confronts you “so yer telling me this doesn’t make you mad? Frustrated? ANYTHING!?”

And when you innocently say no, that scares him off for quite a bit longer than expected “Hey uhhh… dollface… that puppet ain’t here is she?”

That was the third time Jax has asked that, Ragatha was obviously annoyed and turned to the object Jax was hiding behind “for the last time NO, what is your problem anyway?”

“Nothing… nothing…” he shrugs off looking to the side “Hey, I left a little surprise for you in your room by the way!”

“JAX!”

he tries avoiding you as much as you can, but his plan falls into a disaster when he made the mistake of turning a certain corner and came face to face with you

You explain how you were looking for him, and your concerned when you see his pupils shrink as he stares down at you. Like you were about to murder him or something

You feel like you can connect with Jax the most, you get his sense of humor and have always found it charming when he messes around with you

Your drawn to him, so naturally your around him a lot

Jax is trying to shake you off, but he comes to his senses that you’re not so bad after all

Its new to have someone who he can joke around with, you are quick to pranks yourself and even though Jax is extremely tall you actually manage to trip him for the first time ever

You tie your strings low to the ground, Jax makes the mistake of not lookin down since his head is so high up in confidence that he falls down

He looks around to see what happened, and the look of annoyance and anger on his face is so funny to you that you burst out laughing

Hearing your laugh made Jax’s heart flutter, it was his favourite thing about you

[syluscrows]

Sylus + Mephisto

Note: OKAY SO I can see Sylus being the kind of person to insist he doesn't want a pet, hates Mephisto but secretly you'll catch him being really sweet to him. Plus I wanted to write Mephisto doing pet bird shenanigans because pet birds can be so funny. Also kind of crow/machine hybrid Mephisto vibes because a fully mechanical crow I'd understand why Sylus wouldn't be that bothered about him lol

"No, I don't like him. He's annoying." Sylus insists, but you know deep down that Sylus wouldn't have kept him around in the first place if he didn't enjoy his company.

"He's more of a tool than a pet."

Until one day, you see Sylus in bed, Mephisto standing on his face as he caws constantly, and you're surprised the bird hasn't been thrown into an undiscovered location by now.

Sylus just sits there, reading a book, while Mephisto stands on his head

Another occasion, you were just passing by the office, leaving Sylus to do his work, but you heard him saying something in what sounded like.. a baby voice? No way was this man cooing to the bird- "You're so handsome, aren't you, Mephis- Oh, hello darling." He said, his sweet expression changing instantly as he stopped petting the crows head.

"Sylus I saw you petting him.." "No, that wasn't me."

Secretly has bird seed in his desk to give to Mephi as a treat, does he even need to eat..?

Sometimes, when you're alone with Sylus, he is so off guard and relaxed that if Mephisto sits on his shoulder, he forgets to keep up the "I hate Mephisto" act for a few minutes.

Mephisto often brings shiny objects inside when Sylus lets him go off duty. He will fly around, finding pretty rocks and stuff, which are left on the windowsill untouched by Sylus.

He can often be heard making clicking noises at Mephisto to tell him to come to him

Mephisto just casually rubbing his face against sylus' shirt to itch it

He didn't talk for you for days after you heard him imitating the silly noises Mephisto makes.. His pride was ACHING

Fun fact: crows can imitate noises and even voices! So you teach Mephisto "what's up?" And he's flying around doing it 24/7

You're surprised Sylus isn't mad at you for it...

Sylus even praises Mephisto occasionally when he does it, he finds it quite fascinating how smart crows are!

Crows also have such a bad attitude sometimes, they're lil drama queens, so when Sylus is mean about him he throws a massive tantrum

"Sylus, what is this?" You say, holding one of those teeny tiny fruit hats people put on their cats. "Not guilty."

If you can get a hold of his phone, he has ALOT of photos of Mephisto on there.

[anghraine]

I know this isn't only an autistic thing or always an autistic thing, but over the least few years, I've realized that a lot of my difficulties with humor are not actually with humor itself. If anything, there are specific kinds of humor that really work for me and I end up laughing so much harder and longer than everyone else that it's uncomfortable or embarrassing.

But a lot of popular humor fundamentally relies on saying things that aren't true. Sometimes this is drastic exaggeration, sometimes it's OTT parody that is far more about Being Funny than about the actual thing being parodied, and often it's flatly false and that's what is supposed to be funny about it. And yes, that's a humorless and ungracious way to describe that kind of humor—I don't mean to say that this is objectively bad or something.

I even understand the jokes intellectually. But in the vast majority of cases, there is something deeply unfunny to me about jokes reliant on something that is either obviously untrue or which I firmly disagree with.

I've seen quite a few posts recently about how, in online fandom, mocking your faves or being amused at other people mocking your faves is an important part of fandom culture. But for me, jokes about my faves based on things they actually said or did, or qualities they clearly possess, can be very funny, while jokes that are based on misrepresentations—even obvious, it's-all-in-good-fun-and-we-all-know-the-truth misrepresentations—are tedious at best.

For an easy example: Anakin and Luke Skywalker are two of my main Star Wars faves. Jokes about sand or Anakin mass-murdering children in his good phase or Luke being far less concerned than Han over the revelation of who his twin is or "it's not faaaaair" can still be really funny to me when told right. Jokes about Anakin obviously mind-tricking Padmé or Luke being obviously an eternally optimistic loser twink are intensely annoying to me regardless of context or delivery, not because they're comparably objectionable or anything but because they're not true.

Functionally this does cut out a lot of humor—especially online humor—but it's not that I literally don't understand it. I get it. I just don't get it.

[jean-dieu]

Dragon age the Veilguard: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Don't expect too much there, I'm just writing my own subjective, non-organized, badly written critic of the game. Spoilers ahead, so be warned!

The Good is the good stuff, The Bad is the bad stuff that isn't too jarring or that doesn't threaten the whole setting so much so it's okay to just ignore them, and The Ugly is the bad stuff that DOES make me want to fucking die and explode.

The Good:

-It's beautiful. Not a fan of a lot of design choices but it's obviously well made. The landscapes are very pretty.

-The character creator. It's always funny to me when I see some dudebros complaining about it as if they're not purposefully making ugly characters. It has quite a lot of option, nice skin details, scars, tattoos and all.

-I really like the combat. I still think DAO is the superior system but I'm much more happy with a true action rpg than whatever Inquisition was trying to do.

-I'm going to be more objective there and say the maps are better than Inquisition. THAT BEING SAID I love the Hinterlands so I still prefer Inquisiton's bloated open world lmao.

-There's a lot of nice details all around! Neve's metallic prothesis walking sound, the decorations all around, tears in character's eyes, ect.

-Solas. Can't believe I'm saying it as I didn't like him much in DAI and I don't like Solavellan but DATV made me like him very much. He's much more morally grey and less uwu wet cat and I'm here for that. Excellent voice acting of course.

-Mythal. Again, I love whatever Solas and Mythal have going on. It's toxic, it's passionate, it's one sided, and Mythal is a very interesting character IMO.

-Felassan. Again, such a cool and compelling character.

-A lot of NPCs were very cool. Antoine who's singlehandly saving the French's reputation, Evka, The Viper, Strife, Viago, Teia, etc. They're cool and rather compelling.

-I did enjoy a lot of the companion's personal quests. Davrin and Bellara especially as they felt more in line with Dragon Age in general.

-For a game where the Bad Guys are Comically Evil... Johanna Hezenkoss fits the bill and yet she's a delight.

-There's really cool codex entries. Irelin's letter about mourning Arlathan for example. Antoine's letter to Evka should he ever be Called.

-Ghilahn'ain's design.

-I liked the living Blight! OK the darkspawns were ugly af but I still really enjoyed the idea.

-I actually liked the puzzles lmao? I'm sorry but I usually find puzzles fucking annoying in that type of game so I'd rather have something easy and fun than scratching my head in a rpg.

-I was glad to see Valta again!

The Bad: (vaguely in order of importance)

-Unpopular opinion but Assan and Manfred felt forced af. Yeah I got it, they're cute... Now can we go back on uh, the apocalypse.

-The music is boring. Fuck man Inquisition and Origins musics make me cry, but Veilguard's main them... Exists.

-I would prefer the companion to be stationary and being able to talk to them whenever want. They tried something but it didn't deliver.

-The fuck is Inky wearing.

-The fuck is Isabela wearing, but racist edition. Oh well. At least it's an easy fix with a mod.

-The companions have potential but they often lack something. I wish we got more than Lucanis liking coffee. Also, some characters concept from the art book felt so much more interesting. The only character I REALLY was interested in was Davrin because he feels very dragon age-y. A Dalish Grey Warden! That's interesting!

-The Lore seems alright and coherent with the serie so far, but it was just lore drops after lore drops, with no time for reactions, and your companions being sometimes waaaaay too chill about it.

-The overall sanitazing of the world while the grim stuff still somehow being there regarding Tevinter. It's very close to be in the Ugly category but because it's supposed to be there, I'm encline to believe it's still canon and not a retcon, and just a poor presentation. Where are the slaves? We see some of course, and some stuff were legitimately jarring... But because we're confined in docktowns, we don't get to see the ruling magisters and slavers. Docktowns almost seem... Nice. But it doesnt stop there. The Lords of Fortune not stealing artifacts because they respect cultures. The Crows being patriotic vigilantes. Lucanis being a mage killer but only for evil tevene magisters.

-I understand the impossibility to be Evil as you're recruited by Varric and he wouldn't have recruited the local serial killer that drowns kitties for fun. But... You should be able to be aggressive, stern, serious and all. You should be able to play a no-nonsense character who is authoritative and assertive while still following the plot.

-Again, I understand the companions being healthier than whatever DA2 crew had going on (love them tho) but it should have been more like Inquisition. People working together and forcing themselves to make it work for the sake of the world YET fighting and disagreeing on plenty of subjects. And Rook should be able to tell the companion to stfu sometimes. To tell Taash that they're an ass. To tell Emmerich you don't give a shit about his magic and that Manfred is fucking weird and shouldn't exist. To tell Bellara to stop whining.

-On the same note, the companions are all WAY too nice. One their own they're alright, but none of them have some true flaws/secrets/dark past/opposing convictions or whatever. Davrin and Lucanis are almost the only one who are arguing and fighting a bit but it's very tame. We never hear them arguing over politics, religion, or even ways of doing things (except for food lol. why is this game so much about food). If you take Inquisition for example, the companions are ALL working together in the face of a Ancient Evil threatening Thedas. Yet, they still argue about plenty of things. Solas and Iron Bull about the Qun. Vivienne and Solas about the existence of Circles. Varric and Cassandra's fighting is ruthless even when it's about nothing important. Try to show your pride as a Dalish to Sera and she won't take it well. Tell Cassandra that you don't give a shit about the Chantry and she'll disapprove. And still, these persons managed to work together. The excuse of "They put their differences aside because of the current threat" doesn't hold. The companions don't necessarily need DA2's level of animosity between them, but they don't need to all be best friends forever second one. Bellara could be suspicious of Neve for the sole reason of her being a Tevinter Mage. Lucanis too ("Mage Killer"!!!), but because he doesn't trust magic at all. Davrin and Bellara could argue about what it means to be Dalish to them, or argue about their faith!! EVERYONE Should be more worried about Lucanis being an abomination, damn it!

-I understand the Crows we see are not the one experiencing the worst of the organisation since they're highranking members but c'mon... It should be acknowledged at least.

-Some of the dialogues are fucking awful especially at the begining. They repeat themselves so much. The scene with "Nooo Rook you need to help us resolve our problems otherwise we will be too weak to fight the gods!! Rook, do my personal quests or I'll be too sad to fight!!". Harding's "Awkwaaaard". Bellara's quirky uwu manic pixie girl vibes at the begining.

The Ugly:

-Anything related to the elves. For a game centered on elven gods... We get so much yet nothing. Why are they all more or less cool about their "Gods" being real and evil? No one freaking out about having Elgarnan's vallaslin on their face? No crisis of faith? No elves joining them, really? Not a single one? No dalish celebrating their return before realizing the awful truth? No city elves or elven slaves fleeing to them because they have nothing to lose anyway? That's unrealistic. I can understand the Veil Jumpers already knowing the truth, it's more or less explained in the books anyway, but there's no way it's commonly accepted among all dalish clans. Speaking of dalish clans, were are they? And Briala ? Didn't she also control the Eluvian? What about city elves in general? And elven slaves? There's just nothing. The elven pantheon wasn't some myths for the Dalish. It was a religion. Their religion. Damn, imagine Christians learning Jesus is coming back BUT he's in fact very evil and is launching nuclear weapons everywhere? And their only reaction is "Oh no, we have to stop Jesus :(" ? I'm taking the christian example but you could say that about pretty much every religion.

-Where are Fen'harel agents? A few lines and one or two NPC mentioning Solas parting ways with them or even making the Veil Jumpers the ex-agents left behind would have been SO much more interesting than whatever they justified in the AMA. I can't believe they didn't even put A CODEX ENTRY explaining their absence in game. That's lazy af.

-No repercussion on the elves AT ALL? Seriously, realistically speaking, what is the future for the elves at the end of DATV? "Their" Gods almost destroyed the world, "Their" Gods killed countless, "Their" Gods created the Blight, "Their" Gods that many dalish still worshipped only a few years ago. What do you mean humans aren't going to declare open season on them? Like OF COURSE I don't want that to happen, and I'm hoping that idk, they'll found their own country in a reclaimed Arlathan, or that the instability in the south allows some of them to grab positions of power but don't tell me the humans aren't going to feel so fucking justify in their hatred, especially towards the Dalish who never converted to the Chantry. The fact that the endgame doesn't mention ANYTHING about it is jarring. Bioware ffs drop a book or whatever soon I need answers. I need hope. The game is treating the racism against Elves as... Some prejudices humans soooometimes have against them and not... centuries of systematic oppression, genocide, cultural erasure. The City Elf origins, Chevaliers killing Alienage elves for funsies, Celene burning down a whole Alienage, the genocide of dalish clans anyone? All of this is stuff that happened like... Between 8 and 20 years ago. It's not ancient history.

-Blighting Ferelden Beyond Repair, the Venatori Coup in Orlais and Kirkwall's evacuation was mean. Of cours the South is dealing with the blight and a shitload of problem but the "we lost Denerim. And Redcliff. And anything really. Idk if there's survivors. But if there is they'll starve anyway. xoxo the Inky." was just mean spirited I'm sorry. Same as above, Bioware. I fucking need hope for the South. Anything really. They could have stopped as "Yo there's a big Blight in the south and it sucks, Denerim is struggling and we lost villages and all" and that would have been FINE. No need to go scorched earth damnit.

-The lack of worldstate choices. C'mon. I understand not having a lot of them but a list of 6-10 easy questions would have been nice. Who's Divine? Who's ruling in the South? Who drank from the Well of Sorrow? It wouldn't have asked much work to just personalize a few sentences to adjust that. Also, saying they only kept 3 choices so they could really mean something... Liar. The only thing that really has an impact is did u date solas or not. Which fine, of course it matters! But all the other romances, the inquisition disbanded or not, stopping solas or not had NO IMPACT whatsoever.

-Where the fuck is Fenris. Idgaf Inquisition had Leliana when she could die in DAO, so bring Fenris in the Shadow Dragon. He needs to be there.

-The Antaam is such a fucking racist trope I can't believe they did it. Yeah, let make them growl like damn animals.

-Speaking of Qunari, even Taash is... Urgh. Why do you mean they sniff people. Also, their whole storyline on their gender identity was badly written. That scene with Isabela... No. That's not how you apologize. You misgender someone by mistake? Say sorry, correct yourself, move on. That's it.

-Dwarves had cool moments in the game but dang, we really, REALLY needed more of it. So many revelation about them, and while some of them were very well written, it doesn't have enough impact.

-The absence of reactions and dialogues related to your race is jarring. Can't believe I'm begging the game for racial slurs but here we are. EVERYONE in Origins commented on you playing an Elf. A non-human Inquisitor faced struggles as the Herald. Why is Qunari Rook able to roam freely in Minrathous without a SINGLE comment on their race? Same for the elves, to a lesser degree since at least they are not a rare occurence in Tevinter. Can't believe dwarves get so little reaction for all the big reveals. Can't believe elves barely get to react to ELVEN GODS destroying the world or Bellara's guilt about it.

-WHERE'S THE CHANTRY. WHERE. DAMN IT. Even if it's not the focus of the game, I'd expect to still see its influence. Man I'm almost wishing Harding was more of a Chantry Girl.

-Morrigan's whole storyline is an insult to her character.

[barblaz-arts]

HELLOOO!! Im in LOVE with all your Chaggie (and Wenclair obv-) art!! I was wondering if youd be up to share your thoughts on the other hazbin characters? Simply cuz Im very curious and youve been a favourite content creator of mine for a while whose opinions and takes on different things i value A LOT! So id love to hear your thoughts on the rest of the main cast(and more if youre up to it hahha)!

@phantoswordsman15

The main cast huh

Hmmmmm I dont particularly hate them, but I have some opinions that people might not like and I'm aware there's a lot of uh sensitive people in this fandom, so I never said them unprompted

But since you asked!

Alastor

Let's start with the infamous Alastor. I think he's a very entertaining character! His horde of simps annoy tf outta me when they're being misogynistic and homophobic towards Chaggie and Vaggie, but I quite liked him when I make myself forget certain parts of the fandom. He's funny and conniving and intriguing. The fact that he apparently sold his soul is super interesting to me. I'm on board with the people theorizing that he sold his soul to Lilith. I bet he's cozying up with Charlie so that he can use it to break his contract somehow. Feel like he also used the deal with (presumably) Lilith so that he could be strong enough to be the overlord he became.

With that being said, I'm really surprised with the direction they took with him. You'd think that with him being a favorite of the showrunner and the fandom, he would probably be portrayed as the coolest mf in hell. But I really like that it isn't really the case within the show. Certain denizens dont even know him and older overlords like Zestial seems to scare him and Carmilla just dgaf about him. Hell, Alastor's loss to Adam was a lil embarrassing ngl. Like. I know he's one of the oldest human souls and that's why he's powerful but... It's Adam.

Something about him that I noticed is that he seems to be more bark than bite. In particular in his duet with Lucifer, initially Lucifer had the upper hand because he's objectively more powerful, humiliating Alastor with his angel magic, but what Alastor used to his advantage was his words and charisma, as can be expected of a radio host. He's always taunting his enemies, but does it actually make him stronger than them? He "won" that duet with Vox but Valentino said Alastor only"almost beat" him when they had an actual fight. He ruffled Lucifer's feathers but at the end of the day Lucifer is still leagues more powerful than him. He talked big when he was fighting Adam but he almost died and had a breakdown over it.

He's really a lot less "cool" than I expected the show would have him be portrayed as. Kinda pathetic honestly, how he's so insecure and angry whenever he isn't the strongest guy in the room. And i actually really like that! He reminds me a lot of Rumplestilstkin from Once Upon a Time.

Something I kinda hesitate to say tho is... I dont want him redeemed. I dont want him to actually care about the hotel crew and change his ways. I like him as the fucked up man he is and really want to see how fucked up he can be, just so that if he ends up being the huge antagonist, his downfall would be all the more satisfying. Like yunno that moment when Light/Kira was finally defeated? I wanna feel that again.

Angel Dust

I love him! We found his dialogue a lil annoying at first in ep 1 but the writers did a lot better in ep 2. He's a neat guy. His character gives interesting implications for me as to what makes a person a sinner in this show. While you have people like Alastor who obviously ended up where they did because a cannibal murderer, I get the feeling Angel ended up in hell because he was abusing his own body, which is a sad thing to think. If I remember right from my own catholic upbringing, abusing the body is considered a sin because your body is a temple. To think that Angel could be in hell for poisoning himself, not for harming others, is just sad man. I look forward to seeing more of his journey.

I'm not touching on how his SA was tackled btw. While I'm a victim of sexual assault myself, what i experienced was far from what Angel does on a REGULAR basis,so I don't feel like i have any personal or professional right to say anything about it. Not every victim's case is universal anyways. All I can say is, his line about purposefully damaging himself so he could be broken enough to no longer be Valentino's "favorite toy" hit me harder than I ever expected this show to.

Husk

Confession: I... I dont feel all that attached to Husk at all, I am so sorry Husk stans 😭

Okok that feels so mean to say I'm so sorry. I actually hesitated to say anything because I dont want to hurt people's feelings. But since you guys are asking and I dont like not being genuine, I'm telling the truth.

A lot of my feelings about Husk is heavily affected by the fandom anyways to be perfectly fair. Why? Because a lot of criticisms against Vaggie is easily applicable to Husk, maybe even more so, and yet I dont see even the same level of hate towards him that Vaggie received because his chemistry with Angel is so much better than Chaggie... Apparently...

I just dont see Husk as a character outside of being a plot device for Angel's development yunno? I get it, he isn't a main character like the main 4 are(Charlie, Vaggie, Alastor, and Angel), i just find it hard to well and truly like him because of the fandom's double standards. When we found out someone was gonna die in the finale, my brother and I actually thought it was gonna be him because he doesn't have a big enough role to play in the plot to be a HUGE loss, but has a significant enough connection to a main character to have an EFFECT. He very much just felt like the love interest for Angel and nothing else. Which isnt necessarily a bad thing, but is frustrating when i see sooo many people label Vaggie as such(when she isnt!) and hate her SO MUCH for it.

I wanna see more of him tho I really do. Like the man used to be an overlord. He said he wanted to find someone who could relate to "the gruesome ways in which he's damaged" but what does that even mean? Yes i know about the castration but aside from that what suffering is Alastor putting him thru when all he has to do is be a bartender rn? There must be more and I wanna see it and finally feel for him.

Nifty

I love her a lot. That's it. The character ever. Her gremlin energy reminded me so much of Peridot, it's great. Kimiko Glenn did a fantastic job as the comic relief character and I hope she gets her own song next season. Her basically being everyone's little sister was kinda adorable even tho she's probably the scariest person in that hotel next to Alastor. I hope she gets to stab Valentino next. Just kill that MOTHerfucker

[urban-shade]

my random miscellaneous sebastian headcanons. readmore because its a LOT

current

i was thinking about if he'd use special sebastian shaped emoticons like .:} and }:. and im honestly 50/50 i can see him thinking they're funny but i can also see him not wanting to think about the fact that he's a fish now and no longer human

in general i think he has a lot of identity issues. He literally NEVER brings up the fact that he is fish-esque besides telling us that he's not going to hurt us, and telling us items are on his tail. I think if he was more comfortable with his identity he might occasionally crack a joke but I think deep down he has a mask up emotionally where he tries to forget about it all.

and that mask CRACKS a little when players repeatedly climb on him!! it brings back hard memories for him and that's the most upset we ever hear him.. he doesn't even get that upset when he kills you for flash beaconing him twice.. you can fucking hear the hurt in gianni's voice acting and its just SO . AGH.

past / pre-breakout

i like thinking about what they had him get up to as an LR-P and MR-P a lot. What if they had him assemble furniture to get him used to his new 3rd arm. He thinks he's getting new furniture for his cell but then they take it away and put it in the break room and he gets SO ANNOYED. Then the 2nd furniture they have him do he assembles it and then throws it at the observation room at the top of his cell.

He'd get a game console for like one day to ensure his mental capabilities are the same as before the experimentation and for like 2 years after that day he misses his video games until he gets to play games again when he's promoted to MR-P

I feel like near the very start of things just to get a whole overview of like everything that's changed about him even if gills is only what they really gaf about (million dollar fish might as well see what your money did) they'd be testing a lot of basic stuff. Like taste. And they'd give him some normal food of different types of tastes to see if he's lost any taste receptors and he'd be like so happy but then intentionally one of the foods is really bad. And he gets so mad

i headcanon he did dual enrollment (college+hs) since he switched his college major from business to engineering and he's only 19. And that he was a massive nerd... unfortunately his fishtuation has changed him :(

there is a massive urbanshade in-network group chat/email chain for the scientists. There are a lot of inside jokes and a lot are at sebastians expense

i feel like he got food requests on his birthdays. The highlight of his years

His first request for birthday food was like a recipe his mom made a lot and he got it and it was horrible and barely seasoned because urbanshade is the worst and also they are in Norway and he is NOT going to get properly cooked authentic chilean food. And he never requested chilean food again :( Didn't want to be disappointed

post game

i don't think he truly realizes how big he is and if he ever gets a real human frame of reference he's going to get extremely upset about it (if he was already on edge from something else.. he's practiced at hiding/burying his emotions). The blacksite doesn't have a ton of normal size comparison things for him besides smaller human objects and humans themselves, everything is sorta larger than life there and he might feel quite big but I don't think he has a proper idea of the real scale.

Even if he escapes, even if he could deal with all the problems that come from being a snake/mermaid/fishmonster guy. He is still way too big to fit in any normal human spaces. He is truly screwed unless he can get turned back human by innovation inc...

even if he does get turned back human by innovation inc he's going to have to relive his trauma all over again. i think about that a lot

i think he'd also be conflicted on turning back human like it's the one thing he's wanted for the past 10 years but also.. He's been like this for so long.. he doesn't really feel like Sebastian the kid with a guitar that liked Metallica. He's Sebastian Solace the Saboteur… The dangerous fish man who's been forced to kill a few people out of necessity (and indirectly cause the deaths of a few hundred others)

i think he'd get phantom limb pains from his 3rd arm if he lost it in the human transformation. Like he isn't even supposed to HAVE that arm as a person and yet his brain still expects it to be there. He keeps trying to use it and then it's gone

When he first meets his family again for the first time after he escapes I think he wouldn't be human yet. Before he lets them see him he like speaks to them from behind a door or something… To try and prepare them. He's really nervous about seeing them all again because he absolutely cares about them just the same but he just feels like an outsider now.. he's changed so much

All he wants is to get back to a normal life but, normal human life doesn't feel normal to him anymore. He almost misses the monotony of the blacksite. I feel like innovation inc would take a few months-year to get him turned back and he might try working for them in that time to try and adjust to being out of urbanshade since it feels familiar to him and they're more equipped to deal with a giant fish man than his family's home. But ever so often things there remind him of urbanshade and he goes back to feeling like he's about to be shot on sight.

biology

silver spiny fins are some of the best vertebrates at seeing color in low light conditions! i think he has that trait from them

mantis shrimp like to burrow. I think he has some kind of instinct where he feels more at home in small enclosed spaces (he loves blankets)

what if his upper body had sandpaper shark scales. i dont want to put him through that because can you imagine putting on a cotton shirt with sandpaper skin???? too cruel. but its fun to think about

i think he molts but its only like once a year. The first time he does it he has like absolutely no idea that's what's happening he's just like insanely itchy or something and then he realizes his tail skin has PEELED OFF and he's like (HORRIFIED) but then realizes what's going on . And then it takes forever for him to get it all off and he just stares at it like Eugh after

the second time he realizes he can use the shed to screw with the researchers. Researcher walks in his heavy containment cell in the morning and there's just like a massive translucent crumpled version of him in the corner and they just scream before realizing 2 seconds later

the scientists have a sped up video of him molting to metallica music like how people post timelapses of their snakes shedding

[leaves-and-inks]

This was a funny line to get playing as my cowboy beast master ranger, Quinn. He may be a little idealistic at times and sure they should focus on the creché but these are important details!

[ID: Panel 1: Tav (named Quinn), Lae’zel, Astarion, and Shadowheart walk down the mountain pass towards the crèche. On the top left of the frame is a box with the text “somewhere in the mountain pass”. Quinn looks outward, enjoying the view and not fully focusing. Laezel scans her surroundings, carrying a couple of objects under each arm. Astarion looks tired and disinterested towards some bushes, and Shadowheart looks exhausted. A speech bubble from her mouth has her say “I didn't exactly dress for hiking mountains. Shame we couldn't procure some pack mules, or horses…”

Panel 2: Quinn on a plain background. He looks ahead, towards where Shadowheart would be if more people were in frame. He has an interested, excited expression, and an exclamation point next to his head. Parts of his figure overlap the background and the white paper.

Panel 3: Quinn on the same background closes his eyes and smiles turning more towards where the companions would be. A speech bubble coming from him says: “Why, I’d almost say it's a shame that the mind-flared ship didn't also pick up my- “ A speech bubble with harsher lines comes from off-screen, cutting off Quinn's thought, reading: “Horses?!” Parts of his figure and the speech bubbles overlap the background and the white paper.

Panel 4: All four companions are back in frame in the mountain pass. Astarion is in the center of the frame with an indignant expression, eyes closed and head tilted slightly upward. Shadowheart looks over to him from the right of the frame with an annoyed expression. Lae’zel, still carrying the object over her shoulder, looks to Astarion in between the two, also annoyed but mildly more hostile. Quinn is further back to the left of the frame, and he has a shocked and wounded expression. Astarion has a jagged, harsh speech bubble that says: “Perish the thought! Those ill-tempered beasts are prone to biting.” Overlapping his speech bubble and next to Quinn is a heart breaking.

Panel 5: Quinn looking distraught on a plain background with a dark vignette around him. He looks down, pushing his hat up his face and lost in anxious thought. Two thought bubbles appear from his head, one on the left and right. The left thought bubble has an illustration of the horse standing on the beach with the text “MAN” above it, except the horse is replaced with Quinn’s pain horse, and Quinn is also standing on the beach. The right thought bubble, which splits in half between Quinn and Astarion, has Quinn excitedly holding the noses of a paint horse and a mule standing on either side of him. The other half shows a pleasant Astarion looking towards him. On the bottom left of the game is the text: “Hells, he doesn't like horses?” and on the bottom right are two speech bubbles showing the conversation continue. One speech hubble is rounder, and has the word “Well,” written in it before devolving to scribbles. The second speech bubble is harsher, and is full of scribbles.

Panel 6: Astarion on a plain background looking over his right shoulder, a confused and worried expression on his face. A question mark is next to him. Parts of his figure overlap the background and the white paper.

Panel 7: Astarion and Quinn on a plain background, parts of both of their figures overlapping the white paper. Astarion falls back, leaning back and towards Quinn with a wary and concerned expression. Quinn looks down at the ground sadly.

Panels 8-10: Three separate panels of Astarion and Quinn on plain background. Astarion is on the right in each frame, and Quinn on the left. In the first frame, Quinn continues to look down sadly, while Astarion turns towards him nervously with a wobbly speech bubble saying: “Are you alright darling? You look… not quite yourself.” In the second frame, Quinn looks up with his eyes closed, taking in a deep breath. the words “*Inhale*” are above his head. Astarion looks towards him, but not directly at him, frowning, concerned, and wary. In the final frame, Quinn looks at Astarion with the wettest, saddest eyes, a shaking speech bubble and small text coming from him saying: “You don't like horses?” Astarion looks towards him and down slightly, mildly annoyed and his hands in front of him in exasperation saying with a slightly jagged speech bubble: “We’re walking straight into a horrid death trap and you’re concerned I don't like horses?”./end ID]