#andromeda critical

[luna-drinker]

A lot of people on here are vocally anti-capitalist but will lick the boots of companies that engage in anti-consumer practices

[wisteria-lodge]

The Harry Potter Pretty People's Club

I’ve always been kind of fascinated by how and why *attractiveness* is used in the HP books. So, I’ve decided to play a little game, and score up characters based on how often their prettiness is brought up. Here’s my scoring system:

(1 point) - We are straight-up told that this character (or some aspect of this character) is attractive. The word beautiful, handsome, attractive, elegant, pretty, lovely, good-looking, good looks, nice-looking, curvy, or gorgeous is used.

(.5 points) - We are specifically told the character has nice hair, or nice teeth. (JKR describes teeth a lot, it’s a thing.) 

(.5 points) - The character is described as moving in an attractive way. The word lounging, lolling, graceful, posing, or haughty (so lounging/posing, but more evil coded) is applied to them

In terms of the ranking, twins and and parent+child duos get to compete together, because how common “they looked exactly like their parent” type descriptions are in these books.

No points for “they used to be beautiful” or “they would be beautiful if...” Also no points if someone is described as attractive specifically by Rita Skeeter. We are clearly not supposed to take her as a reliable source. Also not counting the times Petunia calls Dudley “handsome,” or the time when Slughorn calls Ron handsome while trying to cheer him up after the love potion, for the same reason.

(if you’re curious, Rita does describe Hermione as ���stunningly pretty,” Pansy as “pretty and vivacious,” herself as “attractive blonde, forty-three” and Harry as “the most beautiful thing she had ever seen” when he’s giving the interview about Voldemort’s return.) So let's get to the top 26 most attractive (?) characters in Harry Potter.

#26 - WILKIE TWYCROSS (.5) 

“Graceful” apparition instructor. Unfortunately the rest of his description stresses that he’s practically see-through.

#25 - MADAM PUDDIFOOT  (.5) 

Has shiny hair. Unfortunately also “very stout” (and unfortunately we we know how JKR feels about fat people  : / )

#24 - ROMILDA VANE (.5)

Has hair that is “black and shiny and silky.” Of course Ron does say that while zoinked out his mind on love potion, so not sure how reliable his report is. 

#23 - HORACE SLUGHORN (.5)

Young Horace has “thick, shiny, straw-colored hair.” He’s also rocking embroidered waistcoats with golden buttons. Idk, I bet Horace was kind of dishy back in the day. Heck, I bet he still is. He’s well dressed, charismatic, charming. Someone has a crush on him. JKR is just mean and wrong about fat people

#22 - NEARLY HEADLESS NICK (1) 

Has “elegant” hands. So, if you’re into that…

 #21 - ANDROMEDA TONKS (1) 

Andromeda’s sisters are not actually going to make the list, because they fall in the “beauty potential” category. Narcissa “would have been nice-looking if she hadn’t been wearing a look that suggested there was a nasty smell under her nose,” and the “long blonde hair streaming down her back gave her the look of a drowned person.” I love Narcissa, but that framing isn’t especially flattering. Bellatrix was once beautiful, but “something — perhaps Azkaban — had taken most of her beauty.” Now if Andromeda looks enough like Bellatrix to give Harry a double-take, and she looks like a Bellatrix with “wider, kinder eyes” who hasn’t been to Azkaban… she more than earns her place on the pretty list. Also is described as “haughty.”

#20 - ANGELINA JOHNSON (1) 

“Rather attractive” according to Lee Jordan. Seems to wear micro box-braids, which Pansy says look like “worms.” Boo Pansy (who is not on this list.) 

#19 - PERCIVAL, KENDRA & ALBUS DUMBLDORE (2) 

Percival is “good-looking,” Albus has shiny hair, and Kendra is “haughty.” I’ll buy that the Dumbledores were a pretty striking family, that makes sense . But they rank a little low because they all only have one attractive descriptor apiece. 

#18 - OLYMPE MAXIME (2) 

She’s an elegant frenchwoman. The only lady on this list described as “handsome.” Also graceful, has shiny hair, and Hagrid is very into her. 

#17 - PARVATI & PADMA PATIL (2)

Both of them look “very pretty” in their Yule Ball dress robes, and are quickly snapped up by Beauxbatons boys when Harry and Ron ignore them.  

#16 -  FIRENZE (2) 

The “handsome centaur.” Also the only character described as “gorgeous” (by Parvati.) At which point Hermione scoffs and says that he’s got four legs. By which we can deduce that Hermione is a bit vanilla for this conversation.

#15 - BILL WEASLEY (2) 

Described as “good-looking” and “handsome” by Mrs. Weasley, and of course FLEUR is very into him very quickly. I considered adding “cool” to my list of words connoting attractiveness, which would have bumped Bill higher… but JKR seems to associate “cool” more with personality. Like Mad-Eye and Hagrid are “cool” without being especially pretty.

#14 - GELLERT GRINDELWALD (2) 

Briefly seen in a memory and a photograph, described as “handsome” both times.

#13 - LILY POTTER (2) 

A “very pretty woman” and a woman with a “kind, pretty face.” Like with Andromeda, JKR throws in “kind” to make sure we know this is good-pretty, one step up from the Patil twins who are girly-pretty (sorry Patil twins.) 

#12 - LUCIUS & DRACO MALFOY (2.5) 

They have super sleek hair. It’s brought up a lot. Pansy likes to pet it. 

#11 - BLAISE’S MOM & BLAISE ZABINI (2.5) 

Blaise’s mom is a “famously beautiful witch,” who “had been married seven times, each of her husbands dying mysteriously and leaving her mounds of gold.” Fanon needs to decide on a name for her, and I think Clytemnestra is the right amount of on-the-nose. Blaise himself is described as haughty, and picky, and tends to “pose” and “loll against pillars.” 

#10 - MADAM ROSMERTA (3) 

Attractive, pretty, and the only character who is “curvy.” (I think she might have the boobs of Harry Potter universe.) Also wears sparkly turquoise heels, which is cute. Ron is into her, and so (I think) is Cornelius Fudge. I mean -  “Rosmerta, m’dear… lovely to see you again, I must say. Have one [drink] yourself, won’t you? Come and join us.” Like, that’s flirty, right? 

#9 - ROWENA & HELENA RAVENCLAW (4) 

Surprising that they crack the top ten, but every time we see an image of them they are described as beautiful. Usually with a qualifier like “austere” or “intimidating.” Beautiful is a word with a little bit of an edge to it in this universe. Beautiful people are just… a little suspect. 

#8 - GILDEROY LOCKHART (5.5) 

Very handsome, good hair, good teeth. The teeth are honestly brought up enough to feel a little off-putting and predatory, which I think is exactly the point. Lockhart is a very 90s-Disney-movie queer-coded villain. But, he is extremely good looking (or at least very well put-together.) Mrs. Weasley and Hermione both have crushes on him, and he continues to get fan mail into his St. Mungo’s days. 

#7 - GINNY WEASLEY (5.5) 

Ginny’s an odd one. She’s described as “graceful,” popular, and “a lot of boys like her,” (according to Pansy.) Honestly, that’s mostly how we experience her beauty. Krum thinks she’s attractive, Blaise thinks she’s attractive, Amycus addresses her as “Pretty” in a creepy way, and so does some random Diagon alley amulet salesman. Both Harry and the narrative voice stay pretty quiet when it comes to thirsting over Ginny. We get the honestly very conflicted description “Ginny gave Harry a radiant smile: He had forgotten, or had never fully appreciated, how beautiful she was, but he had never been less pleased to see her” and then “Ginny and Gabrielle, both wearing golden dresses, looked even prettier than usual [at Fleur’s wedding].” Which isn’t even completely about Ginny! Maybe you could count the romantic descriptions of her hair being flamelike or on one occasion “dancing,” but that’s really it. I am doing my very best, and scraping the bottom here. 

#6 - HERMIONE GRANGER (7.5) 

Hermione seems to fall firmly into the “cleans up nice” category. She is the “pretty girl in blue robes” at the Yule Ball, looking good enough that Pansy gapes and Malfoy “didn’t seem to be able to find an insult to throw at her.” She’s also looking good at Fleur’s wedding, when Viktor and Ron are definitely interested. Her hair can look elegant and shiny if she puts in effort - otherwise it’s bushy, and Pansy compares her to a chipmunk. We also know she has large front teeth, before she gets them fixed. She occasionally gets a “graceful” or “haughty" description, and Greyback does creep on her (again with the creeping!) calling Hermione Harry’s “pretty little friend.” I also gave her half a point for the description of Horcrux!Hermione, who is “more beautiful and yet more terrible than the real Hermione.” That’s another good example of how JKR uses the word “beautiful,” and I guess “more beautiful” definitely implies some existing beauty.

#5 - CHO CHANG (8)  

Cho is very pretty. She’s often described that way, and she has long shiny black hair. She naturally pairs up with Cedric, who also scored an 8. I wish I had more to say about her, I really do. 

#4 - CEDRIC DIGGORY (8)

Our first “pretty boy" - he’s described that way by both Harry and Seamus. Seamus actually seems to kind of have a thing about Cedric. He doesn’t believe Cedric put his name in the Goblet of Fire because “I wouldn’t have thought he’d have wanted to risk his good looks.” And true, Cedric is “exceptionally handsome, with his straight nose, dark hair, and gray eyes” and probably our first extraordinarily pretty person. Angelina and Katie think he’s hot, Myrtle creeps on him - although, honestly - Myrtle creeps on everyone, and the text doesn’t take it very seriously. Interestingly in the film we get a moment of Voldemort turning over Cedric’s head with his bare foot, saying “Oh, such a handsome boy” - to which Harry replies “Don’t touch him!”  That’s a subtle difference - in the books it’s only threatening when girls get creeped on, the movies are a little more equal opportunity. 

#3 - SIRIUS & REGULUS BLACK (11) 

Sirius is hot. He’s “carelessly handsome,” his “dark hair fell into his eyes with a sort of casual elegance neither James’ nor Harry’s could ever have achieved.” He rolled out of bed looking this good. Sirius is graceful and lounging and bored as hell, but you know “handsomely so.” Even when he falls through the Veil, it’s a “graceful,” beautiful death. Regulus gets a shout-out too, because he “had the same dark hair and slightly haughty look of his brother, though he was smaller, slighter, and rather less handsome than Sirius had been.” But, as is mentioned nearly every time he appears on the page, Sirius is extremely handsome. Less handsome than Sirius is still handsome. 

I think it’s actually important to Sirius’ character that he is THAT beautiful. Sirius is a kid from a very bad environment who’s one bad day away from just snapping… but you’d never know it. He’s so attractive, he’s so effortlessly talented, he hides everything so well. Of course none of the adults in his life would be worried about him. 

#2 - FLEUR, GABRIELLE & APPOLINE DELACOUR (12.5) 

Fleur almost seems like a cheat, because she is supernaturally beautiful. She is “a woman of such breathtaking beauty that the room seemed to have become strangely airless. She was tall and willowy with long blonde hair and appeared to emanate a faint, silvery glow.” Even Aunt Muriel thinks she’s beautiful. (We also do get told that Fleur has nice teeth.)

But again, she’s beautiful. She’s that slightly threatening, too-feminine beauty. Until she gets married… and has a kid… which redeems her. “While [Fleur’s] radiance usually dimmed everyone else by comparison, today [at her wedding] it beautified everybody it fell upon.” 

#1 - TOM RIDDLE SR. & TOM RIDDLE JR. (14) 

Our clear winner, and also our second “pretty boy.” (Marvolo calls Tom Sr. “pretty,” and Tom Jr. is “his handsome father in miniature.” so yes, Voldemort does count as a pretty boy.) Poor Tom Sr. - the text frames the aftermath of his sexual assault as him “abandoning” his wife, but unfortunately that falls into the wider trend of only girls being victims of creeps in the HP books. It’s like the weird detail about the stairs to the dormitories - the girls can go to the boys dormitory, but not vice-versa. 

But yeah. Tom Riddle’s attractiveness is brought up almost every time he is. We even get details - we specifically know he lost weight and grew his hair out after he left school, and it looked super good on him. Hepzibah Smith is very into him, Bellatrix is very into him. (Although I do wonder just how snakey he looked when they met.) Adult Voldemort doesn’t treat the loss of his looks as any kind of sacrifice, he seems well rid of them. They’re just another annoying aspect he wants to shed on his quest for transhumanism. He gets rid of his father’s name, it only makes sense he would want to get rid of his looks as well. I do like the detail that  original eyes live inside the Locket, that is cool and creepy. 

(but, logically, I can only assume that means his original nose lives inside the Cup.) 

[rawliverandcigarettes]

Thinking about Mass Effect, as you do, and how I'm kind of sad that the way it's been engraved in pop culture has more to do with the way internet reacted to it at the time than what the actual game is about. Yes sure, it's about romance (and not that much all things considered) and it's pulpy (but not solely because of hot lady aliens), but it's also intricate worldbuilding that touches on a lot of sharp ideas, and a complicated tug-of-war between a genuine and vulnerable belief in reconciliation and community VS post 9-11 US military propaganda and steadfast belief in heroic exceptionalism, and the melancholic yet energizing mood, and the daring narrative systems, and so so much more than the 'We'll Bang OKs" and the "There's No Shepard Without Vakarian" and the whole ME3 ending situation

It's all there, but I'm sad the impact of the series is often reduced to (what I think is) the least interesting parts of its sum

[andromedaco]

Entrapped ∞ Storm AAAAAAAA ITS DONE!! IM SO HAPPY WITH IT!!!

Sometimes you need to use your old interest to design your own major arcana cards and your critical role hyperfixation to make Mollymauk Inspired Cards after getting the deck for christmas

I shared the wip of this in like?? March??? but its done now after a broken and replaced drawing tablet!!! Anyway I cant wait to start work on the next two I have plans for, they hopefully wont take 3 months to get through eheh

[andromedaisfree]

orym outfit sketches for fun and profit 🌿 inspired mostly by specific gladiator types!

[bellamer]

I’m going into Dragon Age Veilguard with the intent to romance Davrin since everyone else is hellbent on romancing Lucanis and Emmerich so when I stream it you can watch in real time and see if BioWare has finally gotten their shit together and made a black character who isn’t a racial stereotype (Jacob), was in a heavily bugged game that was unplayable when it was released (Liam) , dead (Anderson), or had all of his character content cut to make more room for a white character (wasn’t BioWare, it was Larian but with the way people are in fandom in general I wouldn’t put it past Bioware to cater to their whiter fanbase if a white character got all the hype)

[lafaiette]

Guys, I'll be honest, I'm not really feeling it

[kurosmind]

Veilguard ranting

I've finally locked in my Bellara romance and I don't think I've ever been less interested in a romance in game. And it's not because of Bellara, mind you, it's a problem with every single character.

I miss when you had to work for a romance, when getting the character to open up was a (small, but still) challenge. But mostly I miss when it felt mutual.

If you were friends with Dorian, you had more than one banter spent flirting. And when finally you got the first romance scene, it felt like a snapping of a tension.

Same with Bull, Cassandra, Cullen... And I'm just talking about Inquisition. There was this sense that you were seeing a different, hidden part of the character once you romanced them, and it felt so rewarding to weave it into the story.

Here so far... It's just out of the blue "romance dialogues" that are just different variations of "uwu I support u" to which the character never actually respond to (bless you Davrin for at least having fun flirting options).

I cannot tell you how off putting was to have the "express interest in romance with x" dialogue with people I never flirted with, especially have that in context when that was completely out of the blue and part of a different discussion.

And romance or not, the interaction between Rook and the chosen LI don't change at all, except for maybe a throwaway line about how "we're together now"

Devs said this is the most romance filled dragon age game. But the romance part doesn't seem much different than, idk, Fable, when you had to simply spam the heart emoji to get a wife.

Every single time I found myself flabbergasted by it.

And knowing the character will always be ready to reciprocate if you pick the romance option, even if you showed zero interest before that... Man it feels so wrong lmfao. They're not programmed to "fall in love with Rook" , they're programmed to react to a prompt. Bear with me ok? In Inquisition if you flirted with Cassandra but then got together with Dorian, she congratulates you but has a disappointed tone, because she's a romantic that thought your flirting was real.

Here you can select every single flirting option, then you don't lock the exclusive romance, and no comment is made about it.

[eye-of-the-queen]

If you’re one of my friends (or someone else who found me through the tumblr algorithm) who is upset about the latest veilguard news turn away now because you’re most likely not going to like what I’m about to say

Rant under the cut

People are being so dramatic for no reason I’m sorry

“This was all a waste of time” when they literally say in the article that the events of the games STILL happen, it’s not like they’re retconning them. And most likely world state decisions from the previous games will still be asked in the games going forward AS they become important, they literally said they chose the world state choices based on what would be relevant to the story of the new game

It’s a new area of thedas and literal DECADES after the events of the previous games, I’m sorry it just seems silly to expect the events of the past games to still have the same relevance that they did in inquisition, which is only 2 years after da2 and 10 years after origins and also took place in the same area of the continent as them

I do agree that not including the well of sorrows decision is certainly a choice, but we also don’t know the complete story of veilguard literally at all. What we do know is solas has the aspect of mythal that was in flemeth, we also know that for at least some portion of the game he’s trapped in the fade and rook is kind of his mouth piece. Maybe the reason it won’t come up is because with him being trapped he can’t actually do anything with his powers, that’s been my theory for a while at least

I genuinely do not know how y’all got “The inquisitor either hated solas or romanced him” from what they said. The leap in logic is crazy to me because they literally said that your relationship regardless of whether you romanced him or not is going to be important

“How are they going to write around these world state decisions with them not being choosable?” Well considering the game is fully written and is coming out next month it seems they found a way

The way y’all were all hyping up this game as the next best thing and then ONE thing that you don’t like is revealed and y’all all turned on it is crazy

Also to tie this up, we literally know that veilguard has gone through at least 2 rewrites because in the same article where they revealed the world state stuff they literally said there was an iteration of da4 that just did not have that much solas involvement. Have yall considered that maybe the rewrites were due to them getting stuck on all of the choices that could be made in past games and so they decided to just pick the ones that were going to be the most relevant to the story to start with and then go from there in subsequent games

I’m sorry, coming from someone who’s literal favorite game franchise is dragon age and has replayed origins multiple times, this all just seems like such a non issue to me

[hobbithoes]

glad this is a #REAL dragon age game and there’s fuck ass hats >:)

[agirlking]

Veilguard and Andromeda show an interesting habit BioWare has: having victims insist they deserve to be oppressed. The elves justify their enslavement, the Krogan justify the genophage.

[sarafangirlart]

I don’t have a TikTok so if I ever finish my Persomeda comic can someone who has TikTok pretend to be me and advertise my story like a stereotypical booktok story? You know like this:

Be tongue in cheek about it too.

[perilegs]

one of the things i'm most disappointed about is that da:tv will sell well. it's been designed to bring as much new players in as possible, and apparently a lot of people disappointed in it will still buy it on launch day. and ea will keep producing absolute steaming garbage with some ip slapped onto it just because it sells. theyre treating the series with as much respect as netflix originals with their medias.

[fanfic-lover-girl]

Why do people give Harry more Black family storylines than Draco?!

It's hard being a Draco fan...well a canon Draco fan. If you want great fics that explore his character, you have to deal with a bunch of Drarry and sometimes Dramione. That's not even factoring in how OOC Draco is in so many of these fics. That's why I partly gave up on Drarry fics. It's almost impossible to find a good Draco fic that does not involve him shagging someone in the golden trio.

But this post was inspired by posts by Snaters and/or Dumbles antis who claim Harry should have named his son after Regulus. Here are my grievances:

There needs to be more exploration of DRACO as the Black heir

I don't know how Siri was able to keep his fortune when he was supposedly disowned but it's very frustrating seeing fics where Harry is the Black heir and becomes Lord Black. Just stop and think for a moment. Draco is literally the only pureblood Black offspring left! The Black line is basically extinct! And if you factor in Drastoria, Draco was willing to let his maternal AND paternal lines fade away! The only time Draco's Black heritage seems to be brought up is in fics where abusive Lucius disowns him. It's just sad. Harry is NOT a Black! As much as I love Godfather!Sirius, part of me is disgusted that Harry inherited Grimmauld's place. That house should belong to Narcissa and Draco and I don't care if I am the only one on this hill.

More Regulus & Draco, please!

People seem to prefer to write a relationship with Reggie and Harry. Which makes a bit of sense...but wouldn't it be more interesting to explore Draco & Reggie?? Draco and Regulus are family and they share quite a few similarities. I have seen some fics where Narcissa is so protective of DE!Draco because she sees him as a second chance after she failed Reggie. Or I have seen some fics where Regulus lives but so many of those center on Harry and Draco is lucky to be an afterthought. Why is Draco so divorced from his Black family? There's hardly any exploration with Draco & Sirius either. I don't even recall Draco expressing any feelings about Sirius as a family member in book 3 when the dude is his cousin! Draco, Harry's rival, is related to his beloved godfather and NOTHING is done with this! Like WTH!!!

The positive side!

At least there are incredible fics out there that explore Draco's relationship with Andy and the Tonks family. I love Dora being Draco's surrogate big sister 🤩. So cute!!! I also like the Tonks family being involved in Draco's redemption and Ted being so fatherly towards Draco. Chef's kiss. Please, let Draco interact with his family 😞! Why is JKR so against Draco having a family?! Even his damn wife dies in CC!!! He only has one kid! Please, give this man an extended family!

[andromedaisfree]

cirque de soleil at the lakecap skyport and lounge!

[bellamer]

Seeing everyone else pre design their white rooks and be all like “I can’t wait to create them in the game !”

Meanwhile me, a negro, who’s been suffering through Bioware’s character creation and having to give my black Shepard’s, Ryder’s and Inquisitors those ugly ass braids or fuck ass bobs because those are the only hairstyles that look semi decent and having all their skin tones be the same one because all the other skin tones were way too light or way too ashy looking, will wait until the game comes out because I don’t have high hopes. Like Davrin looks beautiful and I love the fact they took the time to design a beautifully designed black character but after dealing with so many fuck ass bobs, un moisturized afros, boneless braids and those ugly ass generic fades, I think I’ll wait until the game comes out to picture what my rook will look like in my head because I don’t want to take the time and energy to design and draw a rook who’s a total baddie and then I go and create them in the game and then history repeats itself and I have limited options and I have to wait and save for a pc so I can play with mods to have a decent looking character while the white players get to have beautiful looking characters right out the box