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syoish-aot · 2 months ago

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"I Found You (too)" - EREN/READER - REINCARNATION AU (chapter 2)

eren/reader

Rating: M

2020s reincarnation of marleyan nurse reader & undercover eren

2.8k words

also on Ao3

note: this chapter includes the song Please, Please, Please by Sabrina Carpenter (spotify / youtube). I recommend listening to it when the scene plays (it's obvious when to start the music).

<- chapter 1 | chapter 3 ->

“Hey, Armin.”

“What’s up?”

Eren took a shaky breath as he pressed the phone harder against his ear. “You know how you told me that she-… that she’s not from before?”

“...yeah?” Armin slowly answered.

“Well um-… Well, I think we were wrong…”

A Quaint Apartment

Everything felt like a dream…

Which you found odd considering how when you normally woke up everything was a nightmare.

But not this time… this time it was a dream. A wonderful, peaceful, happy dream; and because of that, you felt inclined to enjoy every moment of it.

“What’s that?” You excitedly asked Mr. Kruger as you pointed to the strange object at the further end of the room. It looked like a picture frame but it was glowing like a light!

“It’s the TV.” Mr. Kruger said.

“Tee… vee…” You repeated slowly before you gasped. “It’s amazing…”

“Um... yeah it’s- it’s pretty cool.” He stuttered in reply.

“And what’s that!” You excitedly asked again.

“A microwave.” Mr. Kruger told you.

“That!?”

“The-- The fridge.”

You continued to dart around the apartment pointing at all the new sights around you and asking for explanations of what they were. It was amazing! Everything was amazing!! It was all so shiny and clean, the complete opposite of the grimy life that you were used to!

As you buzzed around the apartment, Eren’s eyes followed you.

He knew how you felt right now. Exactly how you felt, actually; because he’d experienced the same thing just that morning. He'd also woken up with no memories of the modern world, completely swept up in his first lifetime and amazed by the lack of war, death, and even the absence of titans. He knew how it felt to leave the last world and wake up in this one but… it wasn't supposed to be the same for you.

Armin said that you weren't like them. That you hadn't been from before and you only existed here, in the better world. But Armin had been wrong because just over an hour ago, as Eren had finished retaining his own memories from his modern life, you lost yours.

Which explained why you, his girlfriend of six years, kept calling him Mr. K-

“Mr. Kruger what is this place?” You asked, finally coming to a stop in front of him, wearing a smile so wide that his stomach flipped as the sparkle of excitement in your eyes made his heart race.

“Well uh- it’s-... it’s where you live.” He awkwardly answered.

“I live here!!”

“Uh- yeah…” Eren cleared his throat. “And… I- I do too.”

Your eyes somehow grew even wider. “You do too?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“W-Well uh-” Eren looked away from you and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. He wasn’t sure how much was safe to say. He knew how confusing it would be if he threw too much information at you all at once and he had a feeling that confusion would do more harm than good. His friends had taken things slowly with him, so he figured he should do the same with you. Besides, it had only taken him about half a day for his memories to come back; so all he had to do was wait a bit for the same to happen with you. Right?

“Is it the same here?” You suddenly asked him.

“Is… Is what the same?”

“Do I take care of you here too?” You asked, causing a rush of heat to run up Eren’s spine.

“Y-Yeah… sort of…” He stuttered before he could think of anything else to say.

To be fair, it wasn’t a complete lie. You were his girlfriend so you did take care of him sometimes. You made dinner when he worked late. Cleaned the apartment on your days off. Got on his ass about not matching his socks on laundry day.

But he took care of you too. He mopped after you swept. Made sure the dishwasher ran when it was full. Watered the (overpriced and half-dead) plants you kept insisting on buying from the supermarket anytime you got groceries.

It was a partnership. And it had been for the last six years.

“Hm…” You hummed softly in reply as you continued to smile with that same glimmer of something- something familiar- flickering in your eyes. “It feels the same.” You told him.

Eren wasn’t sure what you meant by that, but he was too intimidated to ask.

Especially when your eyes flicked left, then right, then left again as you looked between his own. You were smiling, still smiling so widely as the expression on your face became so familiar but still so new.

He’d seen the look before.

Not here, but before.

In another time. In another life. Under different circumstances that made being close to you in any way impossible.

“It’s probably time for bed, isn’t it?” You asked him as you pulled away. “Do you need me to help you change?”

Eren’s heart leapt into his throat again. “N-No!” His cheeks flushed crimson. “I can um- I can do that myself.”

You laughed and it made his heart flutter.

Just like it always did and just like it always had- even in that brightly lit hospital room in Liberio.

A Cozy Bedroom

There was a weight against your chest when you woke up the next morning.

A solid weight.

It was warm. Soft. And it lifted, just slightly, before something tickled your nose.

“Mrr…”

Your eyes fluttered open and met two wide yellow eyes with pupils in straight slits staring back at you.

The cat, with striped brown fur and a single canine sticking out from between its lips, immediately nuzzled its face against your cheek.

When you didn’t react it pulled back, yawned, stretched, and then crawled off your chest before hobbling on three legs to the end of the bed. It sat down, looked back at you, and then jumped to the floor with another “mrr” as if to say: “It’s time to get up.”

You blinked once. Twice. Three times. And then fully sat up to glance around the room.

When you’d fallen asleep last night the room had been unfamiliar; and now, as you were waking up, it was the exact same.

It was unfamiliar.

But there were photographs of you and Mr. Kruger on the walls. A shelf full of books that look very well-read. A pile of laundry and a warmth that surrounded you, immediately making you feel calm.

This place was home.

Even if Mr. Kruger hadn’t told you that last night, you felt like you’d still know without needing to be told. Something in you would just know.

A small home. No war, pain, or death. A warm bed. A cat and the smell of good food wafting from down the hall.

You knew it wouldn't last long- this beautiful dream, because the beautiful dreams never lasted long. So you made up your mind that you were going to cherish it. Cherish every moment of this wonderful dream.

The cat stuck its head back into the room:

“Meeeooowwwwwwww…”

You smiled.

“You're right, it’s time to get up.” You told the cat.

This dream was too nice to let it go to waste.

A Warm Living Room

As you left the bedroom you immediately took in your surroundings. You'd been in here the night before, but this looked different during the day.

The same itchy couch sat in the middle of the living room. There was a pillow on it and a blanket messily thrown over the back. A coffee table with scattered pieces of paper and a chipped tea cup. One side of the wall had a large window and a balcony, which was the source of most of the light.

From another room, just across from the living room, you could hear shuffling.

Sizzling.

Feet against tile and music playing.

There was a voice, just barely audible as he hummed along to the melody on the radio.

(at least you assumed it was a radio)

You couldn’t help slowly creeping towards the kitchen to seek out the sound.

That's how you found Mr. Kruger, standing in front of the stove and holding a spatula in one hand with a small black cat in the other. He flipped a pancake, bouncing to the beat of the music as he rocked the cat back and forth in his arms.

A smile spread across your face as he started to mumble the words to the unfamiliar song:

I know I have good judgment, I know I have good taste. It's funny and it's ironic that only I feel that way, I promise 'em that you're different and everyone makes mistakes But just don't-

The kitten reached up to swat Mr. Kruger’s nose, which made Mr. Kruger look down at it.

I heard that you're an actor, so act like a stand-up guy Whatever devil's inside you, don't let him out tonight I tell them it's just your culture and everyone rolls their eyes Yeah, I know All I'm asking, baby~

Suddenly, he held the spatula like a microphone:

Please Please Please

Don't prove I'm right!

You noticed the cat he was holding had a missing eye.

And please, please, please Don't bring me to tears when I just did my makeup so nice!

He kissed the kitten’s forehead.

Heartbreak is one thing, my ego's another. I beg you, don't embarrass me, motherfucker oh~

Mr. Kruger placed the cat on the counter and tapped its nose along to the beat:

Please Please Please!

On the counter next to the kitten was a big fat orange and white cat. It easily tripled the kitten in size. Mr. Kruger scratched it under its chin before he continued to sing, this time slightly louder and with more confidence, completely oblivious to the fact that he was being watched.

And we could live so happily if no one knows that you're with me I'm just kidding, but really, really, really-

The spatula became his microphone again.

Please, Please, Please Don't prove I'm right~

The brown cat that had woken you up stumbled into the kitchen and rubbed against Mr. Kruger’s leg.

And please, Please, Please, Don't bring me to tears when I just did my makeup so nice!

He crouched down to pet its head.

Heartbreak is one thing, my ego's another, I beg you, don't embarrass me motherfucker, oh~

The cat let out a happy ‘mrr’ as Mr. Kruger scooped it up into his arms and dramatically held it up in the air. Its three limbs dangling uselessly at its side.

If you wanna go and be stupid don't do it in front of me~

He lowered the cat to cuddle it to his chest.

If you don't wanna cry to my music don't make me hate you prolifically~

“Mrr.” The cat said again before it looked across the kitchen at you.

Please, please, please,

Mr. Kruger sang.

Please, please, please,

He curiously tilted his head to the side.

Please,

He followed the cat’s line of sight

Please,

He saw you.

please, pl-

“AH!”

Mr. Kruger jumped, dropping his spatula to the floor as his face burned bright red. The cat leapt from his arms (stumbling to land on account of its missing back leg). It wobbled as it ran past you out of the kitchen while the last few notes of the song rang out.

Mr. Kruger was left completely frozen.

You pressed your hand to your mouth and held back a laugh.

That’s when the fire alarm went off and the kitchen filled with smoke.

A Warm Living Room

“So it’s… a radio then?” You asked as you flipped the strange device around in your hand. It was the thing that Mr. Kruger had been using to play music earlier but you weren’t sure how that was possible given the smooth texture that felt like glass. He had called it a ‘phone’ but you thought that was an odd thing to call it, considering it looked nothing like a phone.

“That’s one thing you can use it for, yeah.” Mr. Kruger explained as he held out his hand and you gave it back to him. “It’s also a camera.” He explained as he clicked one of the buttons on the side and suddenly you were looking right through the device to the floor.

“Woah!” You exclaimed, excitedly grabbing it back from him as you flipped it around in your hands again.

You were about to comment on how strange this place was. How strange and wonderful, but you worried that mentioning it might put an end to the fantasy. As if acknowledging that this wasn’t real, it would make it all be over.

You quickly shoved all thoughts of what was a fantasy and what was reality into the back of your mind as you handed Mr. Kruger the device back, sure that he would have even more fascinating things to show you as the day went on.

On the coffee table in front of you were two empty plates from the breakfast he had made. It was delicious, sweet pancakes with more syrup than you’d ever been allowed. You’d gotten so used to bland rations with no flavour whatsoever. Even your tea always had to be taken black because anything else would be a waste of the limited resources you had.

Sitting on the couch next to you was the brown cat that woke you up. He was purring loudly with his three legs tucked under him. He occasionally nuzzled against your thigh to beg for attention so you patted his head and gave it to him. The black kitten was completely asleep on Mr. Kruger’s lap as her tail twitched occasionally despite it. Between the two of you was the big fat orange and white cat. He was grooming himself after spending your whole meal begging for food (which Mr. Kruger said you weren’t allowed to give him because he was on a strict diet).

You’d met a few cats before, street cats that is. Cats that were much too wary of humans and wouldn’t let you near them without darting off. Those cats were the exact opposite of these ones. You couldn’t help but feel a twinge of affection as you watched Mr. Kruger idly scratch the kitten behind the ear as he tapped away at the glass phone in his hands.

“There are some people coming over later.” Mr. Kruger told you as he put the phone down on the table.

“Some people?” You asked.

“Yeah. Our friends, they um- they wanna talk to you.”

“Which friends?”

Mr. Kruger sounded hesitant to answer. “You probably don’t remember them.”

You curiously tilted your head to the side. “Why not?”

“I uh- it’s- they’ll explain it.”

“Why can’t you explain it?”

“I don’t wanna confuse you.”

“Why would you confuse me?”

“Just-” Suddenly he seemed irritated and more reminiscent of the Mr. Kruger that you knew. Of the real Mr. Kruger. The one that exists outside of this place. “I’m sorry.” He said with a sigh as his shoulders relaxed and the tension washed out of his body. It wasn’t something the real Mr. Kruger often said. “I don’t want to make this harder for you.”

You studied his face.

His beautiful face.

You studied the way his eyebrows tensed and scrunched together before they flattened again and he looked over at you with so much care in his eyes that it made your heart feel like it might beat right out of your chest.

“Mr. Kruger?” You asked, just above a whisper.

“Yeah?” He answered, just as softly.

But you didn’t have anything to ask him. Not really. You had things you wanted to ask him, of course. You wanted to ask him where exactly you were, but you couldn’t risk that.

Because if you asked him then-... then it might all be over.

His hand moved to the couch between you and you felt his fingers gently brush against it. It sent an electric rush of heat up your arm that radiated through your entire body.

If this was real life he wouldn’t have touched you.

Couldn't have touched you, because it wasn't allowed.

So you were glad this wasn't real life.

You were glad this wasn't real life, because it meant you could curl your fingers around his and hold his hand.

It was warm.

“It’ll make more sense eventually.” Mr. Kruger told you.

“...okay.” You replied.

But you didn’t want it to make sense.

It was so much more wonderful when it didn’t.

TAG LIST: (like this post to be added or unlike it to be removed)

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#eren x reader #eren jeager x reader #eren yaeger x reader #aot x reader #my post #my writing #i found you too

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jwirecs · 1 year ago

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RECOMMENDED SEVENTEEN FICS OF MAY-JUNE 2023💖

hello, hello! here are my recs for seventeen for may-june! hopefully these beautiful stories get more recognition as well as the writers 💝 (i discovered that combining atz/svt/skz&txt into one post may be too much and too long + might take too much space in the tags for each respective groups so i’ve decided to make them all separate!)

** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **

🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite

[04:15AM] || @fairyhaos💕✅💯💯

↳ Requested by one of their readers. (THE AMOUNT OF SOFTNESS AND FLUFF AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

Blood Moon || @smileysuh🔞💕💔✅💯💯💯

↳ ".....let’s just say, you’re all that matters to me now. And I’m going to worship you as if you were the moon” (idk this author personally, but i just wanna say that i love your fics and everyone needs to give atleast their fic a read! you will be seeing their fics in my nct fic recs too just saying.)

Drunk Giant || @yikesmary💕✅

↳ in which you have to figure out how to transfer your drunk boyfriend to the bedroom without causing major bodily harm. and he’s not making it easy for you.

The Athlete (Bonus) || @sun-kore 🔞💕✅💯

↳ You are assigned to do an interview with Kwon Soonyoung, the trailblazing athlete everyone calls Hoshi. But as you spend more time with him, you start to see there are more layers to him than football. (i honestly had to re-read The Athlete because i forgot how the story went. + it was a given to read the first one before the second one. i suggest yall do the same.)

How To Unsubscribe To Dating || @dropsofletters💕💔✅

↳ on april 18th, hansol likes his favorite youtuber’s instagram picture. not because of her content—though, he finds himself laughing at all of her weekly videos—but because he thinks she’s gorgeous. that is how it ends. just a like on a picture that no one will see.

This Is How We Fall || @bitterie-sweetie💕💔✅💯

↳ You should know better than to make a deal with a stranger, but the need for a date to Minghao’s party has you desperate. It can’t be too bad though; all you have to do is show Mingyu what you saw in your reading, and he would be your date for one night. Simple enough, right?

A Sheep In Wolf’s Clothing || @rubyreduji🔞✅

↳ kim mingyu is the biggest player on campus, so why is he coming to you for sex help

Doting On You || @lovelyhan🔞💕💔✅💯

↳ a svt hhu x pets series!

Fallin’ Flowers || @leejungchans💕💔🔄💯💯💯

↳ "while flowers bloom and falls, scars cure and buds shoot // we are living our first and last moments // so i won’t take you for granted // because you loved me as i am” - fallin’ flower by seventeen

I Found Love In Your Smile || @wonlouvre🔞💕💔✅💯

↳ falling in love with wonwoo never felt so easy. however, when unforgivable truths test your relationship, you can’t help but think that maybe you were betrothed for all the wrong reasons.

Inflection Point || @lovelyhan🔞💕💔✅

↳ you love yoon jeonghan. no, scratch that. you fucking adore yoon jeonghan; so much that the moment he asks you to be in an exclusive set-up with his current partner, you accept the offer in a heartbeat. what you fail to consider, however, is who your boss’ boyfriend actually is.

Money Talks || @sunlightwoo💕💔✅💯💯

↳ everybody needs to get by somehow, and what better way of it is through a ‘club’ full of men that are loaded with money to help pay for whatever you need help with? to put it shortly, thirteen sugar daddies are here to help you pay for what you need or give you money in exchange for something to make them feel better about life.

Puppy Parents || @yikesmary💕✅

↳ where your golden retriever has the tendency to bring you things she has an interest in— sticks, frisbees that obviously don’t belong to you, and even the occasional bird. but this time, your dog brings… a man? and not just any man, only the most beautiful man you’ve ever met. maybe your dog is onto something��

Partner Privilege || @blue-jisungs💕💔✅

↳ (title says it all, i can honestly see this happening to their future s/o.)

Feverish Lips || @sunlightwoo💔✅

↳ you’d think that because it’s the first semester of the year, it’d be like the beginning of a roller coaster when its slowly becoming climatic and stressful. however, once you’re at the top of the point you have two choices: scream your lungs or quickly hang onto your life support. sadly in your case, you can either suck it up and get through it, or get involved in its loops in tangles with trouble that is bound to be met within every corner that you turn to.

Introduce Me A Good Person || @taeyegu 💕💔✅

↳ if there is a nice person, please introduce him to me. sometimes like water, sometimes like fire. someone who can love me sincerely. i hope he is someone who is mature and faithful…

What I Would Do || @sungbeam 💕💔✅

↳ minghao is kinda sorta maybe in love with you, but he thinks you're so out of his league.

Meet Cute of The Century || @lovelyhan 🔞💕💔✅💯💯

↳ the last thing you expected when you volunteered at your city’s local animal shelter is to meet the hottest cat person in the world. now if only he’d just adopt one of them so you’d stop ogling him every time he drops by.

Do check out all of the other seventeen fics that i have reblogged as well!!

** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **

#seventeen scenarios #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen smut #seventeen social media au #seventeen reactions #seventeen established relationship au #seventeen fake dating au #seventeen fic recs #seventeen recs #seventeen strangers to lovers au

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bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky · 2 years ago

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Empty Stomach | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Hi! This one's for my fellow ED sufferers. I mean, it's for everyone. But like, it's dedicated to those with past or current ED issues. That being said, do not read this if it is going to upset and / or trigger you. I will not be offended. Scroll on by if need be, catch ya next time. No worries, take care of ya mental health. Much love. ✌️💕

WARNINGS: Discussion of past eating disorder (bulimia), vomit, illness

The chill of the tile pushed its way through the fabric of your pajama pants. With your knees pulled into your chest, you sat hunched over on the bathroom floor. Back resting against the wall. Blanket draped over your shoulders. An unopened bottle of Gatorade rested next to you, along with a bottle of water you’d failed to drink.

The time read 3:48am. Three hours of nothing but misery passed surprisingly fast, you thought. It was just after midnight when a strong wave of nausea pummeled into you and forced you from your bed. And since that moment, you found yourself lurching over the toilet every twenty minutes.

Last night’s lasagna and red wine came up almost violently. And the tiramisu you’d eaten for dessert didn’t taste nearly as good the second time around. Round after round of painful retching disgusted you, made you cringe. Seeing your food make a second appearance only multiplied your already severe nausea. And with the way your night was going, you feared you’d never be able to enjoy Italian again.

The back of your throat grew scorched with stomach acid. Your nose burned. And the turbulence in your stomach refused to quit. Eventually, your body eliminated your dinner completely. It was gone, flushed away. And you thought you might be done with this whole nightmare. You even ventured back to bed.

But only minutes after warming the cold sheets with your body heat, you found yourself on the bathroom floor once again. With a vengeance, bile burned its way up your esophagus and forced itself out of your mouth. It seemed to you that this was your punishment for going back to bed. And so, you decided to take up residency in the bathroom for the rest of the night.

But you needed a blanket- desperately. It just so happened that this misery decided to take place on one of the coldest nights of the year. And if you were to survive till morning, you needed a small piece of comfort. You mustered enough strength to fetch a blanket- Bucky’s favorite blanket- from your bedroom and drag it back to the bathroom. It was sad. Pathetic, even. But holding the soft, woven fabric that smelled like him tight around your shoulders brought a sliver of ease. It wasn’t nearly as good as having Bucky there, but it was better than nothing.

Tik Toks and YouTube videos helped you pass the time between each bout of heaving. You watched every video recommended to you- as long as it didn’t involve food. Just the thought of watching Rhett and Link eat carne asada pizza or Rosanna Pansino make Macha macarons was enough to turn your stomach. Again.

The throbbing in your head, no doubt a side effect of dehydration, pulled you from the bathroom floor and into the kitchen. You needed water. Electrolytes. And you swore you’d apologize to Bucky for stealing a bottle of his Riptide Rush Gatorade. Not that he’d ever care; he would’ve given you his right arm if you asked for it.

When you finally settled back onto the bathroom floor with an arm full of drinks, you let yourself feel the sadness that came up with each rush of Vomit. You were too nauseated to drink any of the fluids you sought out. And more than anything, you wished Bucky was with you. Every night that he didn’t spend at your place felt like a night wasted. Without him, your apartment simply wasn’t the same. It wasn’t as comfy or as homey. Didn’t feel as safe. Something was missing.

Part of you was glad he wasn’t there to see your lasagna resurface, though. It was utterly vile and would surely embarrass you if he were witness. But you missed him all the same.

Between the violent retching and the bitter cold of late December, every cell in your body trembled. You were weak, cold, miserable. And very, very alone. If Bucky were with you, you knew he’d take care of you. He’d keep you company while your food rebelled against your body. He’d keep you warm. And he’d put a smile on your face, no matter how impossible it seemed.

Ever since you grew close with Bucky, you were there for each other. Took care of each other. It was a given, an unspoken agreement. You wanted to be the other’s support system. The one in their corner. Bucky never felt so safe with anyone, and you returned the sentiment.

He often needed stitches after a mission or talking down after a nightmare, and you were always there. No questions asked. You closed his wounds and held his hand. You pulled him as his body vibrated with panic. Comforting him was a no-brainer. And just as you were there for him, he was there for you. Whether the flu made you cough up a lung or a clumsy step left your ankle twisted, he had your back. He took care of you when you had an allergic reaction to truffle oil and brought you comfort when strep throat stole your voice.

You treated each other with the utmost care, the deepest affections. You each sat atop the other’s list of priorities, never leaving the number one spot. And by the time you started dating, you could practically read the other’s mind. When he needed you, you were by his side. And when you needed him, he was there.

But not tonight; tonight, he was at the compound. He’d had a long day of meetings about the Flag Smashers and John Walker that kept him trapped in a conference room for hours. He hoped that with the early start time that morning, he’d be out by dinner. He wanted to return home and snuggle up on the couch with you in his arms. But as 9pm rolled around, his hopes of making it back to you in a timely manner died.

At 10pm, Rhodey called it. Everyone was tired. Bored. Utterly fried. He dismissed the meeting- with the caveat that they’d reconvene early the next morning. And Bucky wasn’t happy. He dug his phone out of his pocket and gave you a call, voicing his distaste for the seemingly eternal meeting.

“I’m so sorry, doll, it ran long. Really long,” he’d said. “But I’m gonna head your way in a minute, okay? I should be back by…” he looked at his watch and stifled a yawn, “by elevenish.”

“Maybe you should just stay there tonight, Buck. You were up at five this morning- you sound sleepy.”

Bucky shook his head, even though you couldn’t see him. “No, no- I don’t wanna stay here. I wanna come be with you, sweetheart.”

“I’d rather be with you too, but it’s just one night,” you’d told him. “I know you’re exhausted, and I don’t want you driving back if you’re tired. It’s not a good idea. Just sleep there and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Bucky sighed. “I just miss you, that’s all. I didn’t get to talk to you all day and now I can’t see you till tomorrow.” All he ever wanted was to be with you.

“If it weren’t such a long drive, it would be different, babe. But forty minutes of driving with a fried brain doesn’t sound safe.” You crawled into your empty bed and found yourself rolling onto Bucky’s side. The sheets smelled just like him; if you closed your eyes, you could’ve sworn he was home. “I miss you, too. But I’d rather you rest and come home tomorrow in one piece.”

From Bucky’s end of the line, you heard him step into the elevator and press the button for his old floor. “I know, I know. You’re right,” he conceded. “I really am beat. Something about going over the same details a thousand times took it out of me.” He leaned against the elevator wall and let out another yawn, “I’m gonna go to sleep, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Okay? I love you. So much.”

“Okay, Buck. I love you, baby”.

You hung up the phone, knowing damn well you wouldn’t get much shut eye. Being with Bucky every night always lulled you right to sleep. It was so easy to find peace in his arms that rest never evaded you. But without him, things were different. Your mind wandered. The bed was never as cozy. You stole a book from his bedside table and cracked it open, hoping to tire yourself out.

After two hours of reading, the nausea hit. Your mouth flooded with saliva and your heart rate jumped. You hadn’t relaxed since.

As you changed position, desperate to find a way to be comfortable on the tile, you wished you lived closer to the compound. If it were a five minute drive from your place, Bucky would've been by your side the second the meeting ended; it was where he belonged. But he couldn't come home- not tonight. And while you were glad he made the safe choice, you wished he was just right down the road.

Bucky spent every night at your place, save for when he was on missions. It was his home, just as much as it was yours. He kept all his clothes there and most of his things. He helped with all the household duties. He even fixed the faulty latches on your windows so that they no longer allowed the cold winter air to seep in.

But even after all that, he always knocked.

To him, it seemed like the least he could do. It didn’t feel quite right, barging into your apartment as though he owned the place. Sure, he basically lived there. But you didn’t make him help with rent- no matter how many times he offered. You knew he didn’t have much regarding monetary wealth. And his job didn’t exactly pay a salary. So, you never asked for his share of the monthly dues. It didn’t even cross your mind; you were just happy to have him there with you.

It was kind of you, Bucky had no doubt about that. But it didn’t feel fair. So, he saved the key you gave him and swore to use it for emergencies only. He opted, instead, to knock and wait for an invitation inside. ‘Like a vampire’, you always joked.

You checked the time once again- 4:01am. This was agony. And in your exhausted state, you found yourself missing Bucky more than usual. With the energy drained from your body, your emotions had room to grow in size. And the feeling that grew the biggest was your longing for him. Here you were, in your most vulnerable state, without the love of your life. He was almost an hour away, incapable of bringing you comfort in your time of need.

And while spending one night apart wasn’t the end of the world, it surely wasn’t ideal- especially when you felt like death.

But as you thought about how different things would be with Bucky there, you realized: even if he was home, you wouldn’t have woken him. Sleep often evaded him; and back before he found you, he never got more than an hour of uninterrupted rest at once. But with your help, he was getting better. He was sleeping more and waking up screaming less. Sure, it was a slow process, but there was hope for him.

And so, waking him for something as innocuous as food poisoning simply wouldn’t be right. If this were an emergency, things would be different. But if he lay sleeping in the next room while you puked up bad lasagna, who were you to wake him?

Knowing that he was home would’ve made your situation a touch more bearable, though. It would’ve been enough to bring you comfort. Even having the option to crawl into bed next to him or feel his hand in yours would ease some of the misery, even if you couldn’t leave the bathroom long enough to do so.

Miserable, you shot a quick text to Bucky:

Been puking my guts out all night :(

The intention behind the message wasn’t to upset him when he read it the next morning. Or to make him feel bad for not coming home to you. You just wanted to complain, to vent some of your negative feelings. And only for a second. It wasn’t often that you felt sorry for yourself, especially not when you knew how much Bucky suffered. But this was a moment of weakness. And now matter the horrors Bucky went through, he always listened.

Your forehead fell against your knees and your chin rested on your chest. A deep sigh filled your lungs. God, you were tired. Utterly spent. Voiding your body so aggressively drained every ounce of your energy.

You missed your bed. Missed resting in Bucky’s arms and listening to his heartbeat as you laid on his chest. You needed a respite, a quick break from the misery. With a yawn, you allowed your eyes to flutter shut and your phone to slip from your hands. And for the first time that night, you actually drifted off to sleep.

But a persistent thudding noise pulled you awake half an hour later. It roused you from the rest your body so desperately needed, and just as you wondered what caused it, saliva rushed into your mouth. You ditched your blanket and knelt forward just in time for more acidic bile to push past your lips. It burned inside your nose and made your eyes water, but the sound of your front door opening pulled your focus.

“Baby?” Bucky shouted from down the hall.

A reply sat on the tip of your tongue- but drowned in another wash of vomit.

The heaving, retching sounds coming from the bathroom sent a rush of anxiety through Bucky’s system. He fled in your direction and burst through your bathroom door as his heart hammered against his ribs.

“Oh, sweetheart…” he knelt by your side and took in the scene before him as you caught your breath. You, his best girl, getting sick. Very sick. He clocked the blanket on the floor, your dead phone- you must’ve been in here a while. “Hey, what’s going on, doll?” His tone was soft and his words gentle. But the worry in his voice was unmistakable.

It took a few long moments for you to recover. “I got food poisoning from the Italian place on 9th,” you rested once more against the wall. “I ordered take out for dinner and it was clearly a mistake.” Just the thought was enough to make you sick again, but you powered through.

“Oh…” A sigh of relief left Bucky’s chest. “Oh, I thought you were-” he didn’t finish his sentence. But his shoulders relaxed and the tension in his brow dissipated. He wrapped the blanket around you and pulled you gently into his side.

“What, Buck?”

“Nothing, doll. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well.” He cracked open your Gatorade and offered it to you, “can you drink some of this for me? We need to make sure you stay hydrated.”

Something lingered under Bucky’s words. And though your mind was a bit foggy from the exhaustion, you put two and two together. “Oh, you thought… you thought I relapsed?”

Bucky nodded.

Back when you’d only been dating for about a month, you decided to be honest with Bucky. He was truthful with you about his past and the PTSD that followed; it wasn’t fair of you to keep things from him. And so, you opened up to him about your past issues with food. With your body image. The way you used to force yourself to vomit until there was nothing left. Or until you tasted blood. He knew all about your struggle to recover and the way that, sometimes, those dark thoughts still tempted you to void your system.

He listened and expressed admiration for your perseverance. He told you he was proud of you. He was so happy that, every day, you chose recovery. He kept an eye on you after you told him, watching for any signs of distress. But you’d done so well. You kept the promise you made to yourself. And just a few weeks ago, when the two-year anniversary of your last forced purge passed, he spent the day showering you in praise and congratulations.

“I know you’ve been doing really well- I didn’t mean to assume anything. But I saw your text-”

You frowned, more worried for him than yourself. "Why were you awake?"

“Couldn't sleep," he said. "And when I tried to call, you didn’t answer.” He felt another surge of anxiety flood his system, “I got nervous. I needed to come check on you.”

Your lack of energy kept you from climbing into his lap or throwing your arms around his neck. Instead, you nuzzled closer to him. Let your head rest on his chest. It was all you could manage. “Buck, you’re so- I didn’t mean to scare you, babe. Probably should’ve given you some context. My bad.”

He shook his head, “no, don’t worry about it, doll. I would’ve come anyway- you’re not feeling well, I couldn’t let you be here all by yourself.” He pulled you a bit closer, “I’m just glad you’re okay. Well, not ‘okay’ cause obviously, you’re sick. But I’m happy you’re not that kind of sick.”

Bucky once again offered you the bottle of Gatorade, which you finally accepted. A few small sips rinsed most of the lingering vomit taste from your mouth. “You weren’t supposed to drive…” you said after a while.

“I know. But you’re sick.” He prompted you to keep drinking. “And if you were, um…” he didn’t like saying the word.

“Relapsing.”

He nodded. “If that was happening, I thought you might need me.” Truth be told, he would’ve done anything for you. Killed for you. Died for you. He’d burn the world and everyone in it- all for you.

“That’s an understatement,” you gave a weak laugh. Your raw throat throbbed. “But we agreed you wouldn’t drive, Buck. You were supposed to sleep.”

He shrugged, “I couldn’t. Turns out I’ve grown accustomed to sharing a bed with you. Can’t sleep if I don’t have ya with me, sweetheart.”

It was sweet, yes, but struck a nerve. “Wait, so… you don’t sleep on missions?”

He shook his head.

“Buuuuuuck-”

“I know, I know. But I try- I always try. I swear. It just doesn’t work.”

With that, you found yourself lurching forward once again. Your eyes watered and tears ran down your cheeks. A painful force pushed out what little remained in your system.

“Wow, you have really strong feelings about me not sleeping.”

At his stupid joke, a small laugh rumbled out of your chest- followed by more vomit. Coughs and sputters rattled out of your chest. Saliva dripped from your chin.

And though you knew you weren't done with this bout of retching, you wouldn't let him off the hook. "You need rest, Buck. And if you haven't slept, you shouldn't drive. It's not-" A flood of bile interrupted you.

“Okay, alright. I know. I’m sorry, sweetheart. But we can talk about it later,” he said, easing a hand up and down your spine. “Just let me take care of you for now, okay?”

And he did. No matter how many times your body violently emptied, Bucky had your back. He kept you hydrated, even when you didn’t want to be. And held you close between bouts of heaving. He kept you company. Kept your spirits high, regardless of how awful you felt. And no matter how tired he was, he stayed awake with you. He freed himself from the clutches of exhaustion and kept only you in focus, never allowing sleep to win. He wouldn’t rest- not until you did.

Every few minutes, he checked his watch. Timing the space between each instance of nausea helped him anticipate your movements. Your needs. And just like you said, they attacked every twenty minutes.

“I’m really happy you’re here,” you muttered, your head resting in his lap. Your eyelids fluttered and your words came out soft, breathy. “Even though you weren’t supposed to drive… I’m happy you made it home.”

Bucky ghosted a finger across your cheek, “So am I, doll.”

Your eyes were fully closed now, and you’d fallen silent. Bucky hoped you’d finally been able to fall asleep. And then, out of nowhere, you spoke, “And you used your key.” Though opening your eyes was too much work, a warm, satisfied smile pulled at your lips.

Bucky, too, smiled. “I did,” he said. “Had to. Needed to get to you.”

A happy hum left your chest and you nuzzled against Bucky’s thigh. “Thank you… Love you, Barnes.”

“Love you, baby.”

And finally, you were out. Bucky kept his eye on the time. Twenty minutes passed. Then forty. And when an hour went by without you stirring, Bucky sighed with relief. “I’m taking you to bed…” he whispered, though he knew you couldn’t hear him. He snaked his arms around you with the utmost care and lifted you from the cold tile floor. He held you close to his body, almost as though he were shielding you from something.

“Thank god it’s only food poisoning,” he whispered in the quiet of your apartment. He remembered the pure dread than sunk in his stomach the moment he read your text. Your words painted a vision in his mind, a horrible picture of you forcing nutrients out of your system. He shook his head at the thought. “I was really scared for you tonight.”

He placed you on your side of the bed and wrapped the covers around you, protecting you from the biting winter air. A quick double back to the bathroom allowed Bucky to retrieve your water and Gatorade, and a trip to the kitchen supplied you with extra. Just in case you needed more.

And when everything was set just so, he stripped out of his clothes and finally climbed into bed. “See? Knew I should’ve just come home, doll.” This was all he wanted all day. He got himself settled under the covers and molded his body to yours. He was supposed to be here- right here- next to you. At all times. It was better for you, better for him.

Peace settled over your bedroom and Bucky felt exhaustion pulling him under- until an alarm sounded in his head. He quickly scrounged around in the dark for his phone and, against his will, removed himself from the bed. He was so close to getting some rest, to spending the night tucked closely next to his best girl- but of course, something had to get in his way.

He scrolled through his contacts with a sigh and found the name he needed before pressing call. James Rhodes didn’t particularly like Bucky. And definitely wasn’t happy that his least favorite person decided to call in the wee hours of the early morning. But the least Bucky could do was give him a heads up.

“I’m not coming in tomorrow. My girl’s really sick and I need to be with her.”

Rhodes couldn’t believe Bucky called him so late- or, early- to give him such inconsequential news. “Um, okay. That sucks, I hope she feels better. But people get sick, Barnes. She’ll be okay. I still expect you to attend tomorrow-”

“No, I’m not leaving her here by herself. That’s final.”

Rhodes tried to form a rebuttal, but Bucky ended the call. He even shut off his phone for good measure.

“Sorry about that, sweetheart…” he whispered, climbing back into bed. “But I’m all yours tomorrow. Well, let’s be honest, I’m all yours for the rest of time. But you know what I mean.”

Once again, he wriggled under the covers and snuggled close to you. You didn’t move when the bed dipped under his weight, nor did you stir when he curled around you. He knew you were so depleted, so spent that you wouldn’t wake until noon- if then.

“I’m so glad you texted me,” he whispered into the dark. He let a hand trail up and down your arm, pressed a kiss to your shoulder. “And I’m so- I’m so glad you’re alright.” He fidgeted and maneuvered himself, wishing he could scoot closer to you. But every surface of his body was already pressed to yours; he big-spooned you so intensely that not even a millimeter-sized gap remained. Still, he wasn’t close enough. He wasn’t sure he ever would be.

“But even if you weren’t- if you actually had um… if you-” he swallowed hard, “if you relapsed, I’d be here. I always will be- through all of it. No matter what happens. I don’t care how far away I am, I’ll find a way to get to you. I promise.”

With his promise spoken, a weight lifted from Bucky’s shoulders. He didn’t like thinking about you getting sick again, about your mind sabotaging your body like that. He knew it was possible, though. His own mental health hadn’t always been stellar, and he knew how easy it was to slip into the darkness. But the last time you battled your demons, you were alone. You kept your struggle a secret and didn’t bother resisting the downward spiral.

Bucky hoped that having him would make things easier if you ever did fall down that slippery slope once again. Not that being in a relationship could save your mental health- he knew well enough that that wasn’t possible.

He just thought that having someone by your side- someone who loved and supported you without judgement- would give you the strength you needed if the monsters ever came calling again. It certainly worked for him. Allowing you into his life kept him from the precipice on more than one occasion; he just hoped to do the same for you, if need be.

He knew you trusted him exactly the way he trusted you, and it granted him solace. He knew that if, heaven forbid, things ever got bad for you again, you’d let him help you. You’d be truthful with him about your struggles. You'd lean on him, go to him for support. Knowing that you had a safety net allowed him to breathe easier. And finally, after over twenty-four hours spent awake, Bucky fell into a deep sleep.

—————————————

Taglist: @beefybuckrrito @shadytalementality @everything-burns-down @rainbow-unicorn-pony @mandersshow @breakablebarnes @psychoticmason @glxwingrxse @lonewolf471 @dreamerglassesgirl @the-gods-gloted-but-they-burned @purpleshallot @seitmai @itvy5601 @dailyreverie @navs-bhat @eviesaurusrex @themorningsunshine @evangeliamerryll @buckys-metal-arm @broadwaybabe18 @the-kestrels-feather @avocadotoastwithegg @goldylions @lokisasgardianvampirequeen @vrittivsanghavi @idkitsem @avengetheunnatural @rassvetsky @hereforbuckyandsteve @barnesselo

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thelostgirl21 · 7 months ago

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Alright, so this is a reply to @my-jokes-are-my-armour brilliant additions to my post, because the original one was getting insanely long, and apparently I had lots of feels about this, but asfoljasdfklsf;asldkfas;flkjasdlkjffslksjdf;s...

That "maybe"...

There are so many possible "layers" to that "maybe"!

And that's definitely one the places where Jaskier and Radovid's respective situations massively differ in that scene, too, IMHO.

Like you've said, Jaskier has a found family that he's spent about 20+ years investing in.

So, obviously, it would make absolutely no sense for him to sacrifice the ties he's already built with Geralt, Yennefer, and Ciri, for a relationship that does have great potential, but is still in its infancy; whereas Radovid has made no such personal commitments in his life.

I don't know if you're familiar with the YouTube channel "Cinema Therapy" (basically, a psychologist and filmmaker analysing various movie relationships, characters psychology, etc. I highly recommend it!), but they've occasionally spoken about the notion of "shelving your agenda".

Essentially, "shelving your agenda" relates to a person's ability to "temporarily delay one's own needs to meet those of another".

And, in this particular situation, the only one of them that can afford to shelve his own agenda for the other is Radovid.

Because, at that moment, Jaskier is facing the possibility of devastating potential losses within his family system that greatly threaten his emotional and psychological well-being.

Radovid can (or at least could, while Vizimir was the one still wearing that crown) afford to be the one providing him with emotional, physical and financial support to give Jaskier his best chance at being reunited with those he loves.

But Jaskier can't really promise or offer Radovid anything in return for the time being.

And sadly, he doesn't know how bad things are for Radovid at court, either.

He doesn't know that Philippa and Dijkstra orchestrated Queen Hedwig's murder, right under King Vizimir's nose, with such confidence in their ability to get away with it that they openly told the Crown Prince of Redania about it!

He doesn't know about Radovid's relationship dynamic with his brother, and the fact that being the King's little brother is no longer enough to keep Radovid safe in that castle.

And I don't think Jaskier fully grasps just how much being in his presence is already offering Radovid something that's rather essential for his own emotional and psychological well-being, too, that he has never been able to find anywhere else.

Jaskier: "You don't understand. [This is not me trying to walk away from a relationship with you.] The war brewing outside is nothing compared to what Geralt will unleash on this Continent to find his daughter. [I'm pretty much planning to go throw myself headfirst into some desperate suicide mission with a stubborn, insanely protective Witcher dad!] I don't know what happens next. [I've no idea what will happen to me. Out there, none of us will be safe!]"

Radovid: [Oh boy! Where do I even start?] "Just let me be there with you." [Trust me, as terrible as you are trying to make it sound, joining you on a suicide mission following an angry overprotective Witcher around is actually my safest, least bad option.] "Prove that I'm more than a mask." [I belong with you and your family out there, not stuck at court playing games!]

Basically, I've a feeling that Jaskier might be operating under the belief that the safest place for the Crown Prince of Redania to be, in times of war with Nilfgaard, is behind the well guarded walls of a castle; not running around the Continent helping him and Geralt go rescue a Princess!

If he returns to Tretogor and stay there, Radovid will have an entire army standing between him and Nilfgaard!

Which, you know, is pretty much the reason that had convinced him that Ciri might be better off in Redania rather than anywhere else...

If he comes with him, well, Radovid is probably one of the last people you'd want anyone loyal to Nilfgaard to get their hands on.

The King's brother - and sole current living heir to the throne (at the time) - is very much someone that Redania's enemies would want to capture so they can use as leverage against the King.

And Jaskier's pretty much planning on being Geralt's ride or die companion on his quest to find Ciri.

So, I'm not sure how comfortable Jaskier is with the possibility of Radovid getting himself captured by enemies or killed trying to help them out there; or, even worse, winding up sacrificing his life to save Jaskier's.

Because Radovid has already proven that he values Jaskier's safety and freedom above his own, when he ditched his whole (now very dead) royal security detail to go see him and Ciri at the cabin.

Radovid is willing to make Jaskier his #1 priority, in a situation where Jaskier needs to make Geralt, Yennefer and Ciri his own #1 priority.

Jaskier is planning to "shelve his agenda" for his family, to the point of being willing to risk sacrificing his life for them…

…while Radovid is talking about "shelving his agenda" for Jaskier, while being willing to risk sacrificing his life for him, and - by extension - Jaskier's family, too.

It's likely a lot for Jaskier to take in.

And, perhaps, knowing that Radovid - at least - would be safe back in his castle, would give Jaskier some peace of mind, and even something for him to fight to come back to, should he somehow succeed in helping Geralt get Ciri back without managing to get himself killed in the process!

So, Jaskier's "maybe" is likely the most sincere answer Jaskier can give him at the moment, since Jaskier genuinely doesn't know what happens next, and he probably doesn't want Radovid to make the decision to take such a huge risk for himself and his family based on the promise of things that he might never be given the chance to offer him.

Had Jaskier known that the greatest threat Radovid was facing could be found within his castle's well guarded walls, his response to Radovid's desire to be there with him might have been different.

Perhaps he might have said something along the lines of "Forget about the money, and if you really want to come with me, come with me now! We'll think of a way to let your brother know you're relatively safe, and haven't been killed or kidnapped while we're on the road!", or something.

And then, hope his own family would understand why he chose to take Radovid with him, and for them hopefully to not be upset that he's just managed to make their whole situation even more complicated than it already was.

[Poor Geralt though…

Geralt: Let me get this straight… Of all the people on the Continent you could have romantically fallen for, you somehow managed to pick the Crown Prince of Redania? And now, the prince - who comes from a bad home that has been mistreating him - has been following you outside his castle, and you're asking if we can adopt and keep him?

Jaskier: *Smiles sheepishly and attempts to look adorable.* Yes?

Geralt: *Mumbling to himself.* Why does Destiny fucking hate me so much? How many princes and princesses am I supposed to be looking after? I'm a Witcher, for fuck's sake! I'm supposed to be killing monsters! Not opening a royal rescue shelter…

Radovid: *Concerned.* Ah, is your Witcher okay?

Jaskier: Just give him a moment to have a mental breakdown, and he'll be fine!]

But Jaskier doesn't know how bad things are for Radovid back at Tretogor.

Actually, even Radovid himself doesn't fully know!

As far as Radovid is concerned, Dijkstra briefly perceived him as a threat - or at least a nuisance - with regards to the complete and absolute influence he has on King Vizimir, and threatened to have him killed if he gets in their way.

So, by leaving, he'd technically be doing him a favor! No more "baby prince brother" royalsitting for Dijkstra and Philippa! They can go back to the way they've always preferred doing things, without having Radovid to deal with!

But Radovid doesn't know his brother has decided to let Philippa take the fall for Thanedd, and that the best solution the sorceress came up with, to deal with the issue, is "Yup! Imma get rid of Vizimir and put that spare on the throne!"

On a scale of 0 to "the spymasters are so confident they can get away with regicide that they feel totally comfortable making the guy they gleefully confessed Queen Hedwig's murder to King", just how fucking screwed are you?

I don't think Radovid had fully realised he'd reached that very last stage yet.

But yeah, Jaskier answering "maybe" made much more sense, to me, than him going "yes please, come with me, where I'll almost certainly manage to get you and/or myself killed in a desperate attempt to keep my family safe!"

And I love how long he hesitates before giving that answer, and the way his thoughts really appear to be racing, even after he says "maybe", because it is an incredibly complex and multi-factorial situation for him to deal with.

Whereas Radovid has essentially two choices:

Return to a loveless, toxic, dangerous place where he's totally disconnected from himself, and isolated from healthy human interactions.

Be out there in the world, risking his life for something - someone - that's worth taking those risks for, thus acting in accordance with who he is, and what matters to him the most.

So, Radovid basically saying "I'm all in! Let's go!", while Jaskier is saying "maybe", to me, might have more to do with how well they are both ready to handle and accept the potential consequences of Radovid choosing to go with Jaskier at that moment; than it has to do with how much they both desire to have the chance to potentially be together, or even Jaskier struggling with forgiving him.

Of course, there's also Jaskier's own personal fears (of abandonment, of falling back into unhealthy codependent patterns, etc.) that may play a role in him hesitating to treat his feelings for Radovid as a full-fledged partnership right away, and being comfortable with the idea of trusting Radovid enough to rely on him for support, too (trust and forgiveness are not quite the same thing).

That "maybe" is filled with so much potential delicious meanings, I'm telling you!

And, given that being told "maybe" didn't deter Radovid from wanting to go to Jaskier, I've a feeling that Radovid knew that Jaskier's "maybe" was also filled with a lot of hope and yearning, and as close to a "yes" as Jaskier could afford to offer him.

After all, he'd already told Radovid that his plans [of breaking things off between them] had changed.

When Radovid said "I don't get it", Jaskier could have answered him with: "it's the right thing to do", or "I may no longer want to see you, that doesn't mean I wish you to get hurt, Radovid", or "I owe you for having ditched - and now lost - your guards when you came to see me. This is me doing what I can do to pay back the favor."

But Jaskier said "plans change", with some of the most cautiously hopeful and vulnerable puppy dog eyes I've ever seen him throw at anyone.

To me, there was a sense of forgiveness and a bit of an apology, even, in Jaskier's expression at that moment…

Because the fact remains that Jaskier didn't offer Radovid his help, the night before, when he told him he was scared; resulting in Jaskier having allowed Radovid to back himself into that corner where people might say and do stupid things.

It would be a bit unfair for Jaskier to be upset with Radovid for not having trusted him with everything he knew when he came to see him and Ciri, when Jaskier himself was so scared to trust Radovid that he didn't call him out for having avoided to directly answer his question, and instead chose to test what he'd do with the information that the forcefield only lasted 'til dawn.

He's accusing Radovid of not fully trusting him and having kept his full intentions from him, when Jaskier himself literally set up a trap for him, because he was too scared to trust him…

And Radovid had the honesty of saying "I'm scared, Jaskier", at the very least. Whereas Jaskier kept his own fears to himself, and chose to play games and test him.

Granted, Radovid could have pretended to be scared to get Jaskier to lower his defenses, and manipulate him. I'm not saying that Jaskier didn't have very valid reasons for choosing to test him, rather than opting for a direct confrontation.

Trust eventually does become essential in a relationship, but it would be unrealistic to expect it to "magically be there" until both sides have experienced how the other responds in a variety of situations - including their ability to make each other still feel safe while they handle conflicts and mistakes.

So, I'm not pointing out Jaskier's own contribution to this whole mess while trying to determine who is to blame, who was wrong, or who hurt the other the most.

Just hoping that, maybe, Jaskier is allowing himself to recognize that they are both very flawed, complex and human individuals that never meant to hurt each other at that moment.

That part of the reasons why he sits down and looks at Radovid with such a sad, defeated expression, is that he's realizing that they were simply dealing and coping with their own respective fears and doubts as best they could back at the cabin, and got both a good, strong bite in the arse as a result!

When Radovid ran away from the cabin earlier, Jaskier made a little move as if instinctively wanting to run after him.

I think that, maybe, in all of the ways Jaskier might have expected their confrontation to go when "catching Radovid in the act" that morning, he might have imagined facing more outrage from Radovid, more fight…

He might have expected for him to start blaming him in return, etc.

Because, had Radovid indeed been a "knife" and wearing a mask with Jaskier, he might have played "meek" and attempted to "reason with" Jaskier in the beginning in a desperate last ditch attempt to hold onto his mask, sure!

But, when he'd realised it didn't work - and Jaskier would not be so easily fooled - the mask would eventually have had to come off!

Radovid could easily have pretended that he had only wanted to test if Jaskier was being sincere with him.

He could have claimed that he'd realised, the night before, that Jaskier had only let him know about when the forcefield would come down, because he'd never truly cared about him, nor trusted him!

And low and behold! He was right!

Radovid could have accused Jaskier of having been dishonest and manipulative with him, of only having ever pretended to care for him, so he could use him because of his wealth and position at court.

He could have mocked Jaskier for having claimed that "he had no desire" to be playing games with him through his song, only to then go on scheming against him, and setting up traps for him at the first opportunity he got!

A skilled "knife", caught in a lie, will not admit to any wrongdoing, and will make it sound like you're the villain, they're the victim, and the problem lies with you, not them.

But Radovid's response was being truthful in his answers, internalize Jaskier's blame, look like he'd just been kicked, utter a pitiful "I'm so sorry," and run away!

Unless you are someone that enjoy dominating other people and bringing them down (something I do not believe Jaskier does), there's no sense of triumph, or even validation to be derived from Radovid's response!

There's no sense of relief from "having escaped being fooled by such a manipulative and dangerous individual" to be found!

Radovid just took all the blame on himself, brokenly apologized for having managed to hurt and disappoint Jaskier, and ran away thinking he'd forever lost him.

Had Jaskier's priority not been to ensure Ciri's safety, I think he might have followed his impulse and gone after Radovid to attempt to get to the bottom of what was actually happening.

And, even should he have suspected that Radovid's behavior was yet another manipulation attempt - that Radovid would be patient enough to hold onto his mask a while longer while faking taking responsibility for his mistakes and hurting Jaskier…

There's absolutely no way Radovid could have predicted that Jaskier was going to come investigate the room he'd huddled himself into a dark corner to cry.

So, I like to think that Jaskier did regret his harsh words, the way he'd jumped to conclusions back at the cabin, and how he'd cut short Radovid's attempt to explain, as soon as he'd mentioned that he'd be out from under Dijkstra's thumb.

I like to think that Jaskier was sorry for the way he'd hurt Radovid, too, and that he realised that he'd let his own fears and issues get the best of him.

Now, it's up to them to decide if they'll allow their respective fears and issues to win; or instead let that deep, beautiful and delicate connection that they've been experiencing together come out on top.

So, since "the plan" was for Radovid to have seen the last of Jaskier…

I tend to interpret Jaskier saying "plans change" as a way of telling Radovid "I don't want this to be the last you see of me. If you'll still have me, when this is over, I'd like to come back to you."

With Radovid's immediate response being "Come with me, then."

Because Radovid does very much still want Jaskier.

Except Jaskier has a family he needs to go help first, before he can be free to go back to Radovid and continue to explore and deepen that relationship.

And OMFG, yes! Found families are a theme that I absolutely adore in virtually any form of media (perhaps because I had to leave my own family of origin behind to go find "my own tribe")…

By the way, do you have that season 3 review link nearby? I'm not sure if I had the chance to read it yet, or if it somehow managed to pass me by… But I'd be interested to have a first or second read at it!

Otherwise, I pretty much found myself just nodding along while reading your comments.

I definitely think that, the first time Radovid meets Jaskier, he's deeply intrigued by him and how he personally connects with his songs, but still a bit in a "playing games" mindframe, because that's just the way his world is, and has always been, and how people communicate.

And now, I'm amazed, because you've just made me realise that, when Jaskier came to see Radovid wanting to share intel with him, it could very much have made it look like he only cared about Radovid's position, wealth, and resources; rather than about Radovid himself!

In many ways, Jaskier is 100% aware that the Crown Prince of Redania "fancies him", and I think that, under normal circumstances, he wouldn't be above taking advantage of that attraction to help protect his family.

To be clear, I don't think Jaskier would ever look to manipulate the emotions of anyone that would be having sincere, non-entitled, and reciprocal feelings for him.

But a royal that would be looking to own, use, or control him? I think he'd be feeling perfectly justified using his own charms to get what he wants from them.

He tells Vespula "you can't play a player", therefore very much perceiving himself as "a player", in a sense.

And, given that nobles often have an inflated ego and sense of self-importance, "playing them" is typically not that hard to do.

But Radovid does not.

He is far from immune to Jaskier's charms, but he does not perceive him as a some type of potential "trophy lover" or conquest. He's genuinely curious about him, and wishes to better get to know and understand him.

In such a context, trust should normally go both ways.

Jaskier tells Philippa and Radovid that, if they get rid of Rience, they will have earned Ciri's, Geralt's, and his own trust (and he talks about winning his own trust while pointedly looking at Radovid)…

But what is Jaskier willing to do to earn Radovid's trust in return?

You've just made me realise that, while I often tend to remind myself that there is lot that the audience knows about Radovid that Jaskier himself doesn't…

Well, there is also a lot that the audience knows about Jaskier that Radovid himself simply doesn't, too.

Sure, Jaskier's initial response towards learning that Radovid was the Crown Prince of Redania was rather flattering and amusing, especially since it brought a certain balance to the way Radovid himself was slightly starstruck by Jaskier.

Rockstar meets royalty, basically… and forgets to let his hand go, much to royalty's delight!

But, once that initial moment has passed, does Jaskier still only sees Radovid as a prince - with all the privileges tied to his position that he could use for his own gain - or a person that's worth knowing, too?

We all assume that Jaskier's motives are honorable, because we know him, but Radovid only knows about Jaskier's songs and what little he's been able to pick up from him during two rather short encounters.

In that context, Jaskier showing up all "So, I hear you've got money! Maybe you could use it to get the two detectives to talk, and help Geralt and I find out who Rience is working for?" could actually be… borderline insulting?

Technically, it wouldn't, if Radovid was into such things as power and influence, wanted to find Ciri for himself rather than to please his brother, and Jaskier's suggestion was helping him get closer to something he really wished to get closer to besides the man standing right before him.

Again, Jaskier doesn't know that; so, there's a bit of an ongoing comedy of errors happening between these two this season.

And he doesn't know that Radovid doesn't actually have that much money "ready to be handed out" like that, either.

That Radovid would have to first sell some of his own belongings to pay for that intel.

Jaskier's basically prancing right into the palace while making a bunch of (albeit flirtatious) assumptions about Radovid - most of them kinda wrong / only half right - and it's really no wonder Radovid himself would be unwilling to "collaborate" with him so easily, admit to what he knows, and instead choose to initially continue to play dumb/drunk!

To be fair, most nobles would likely love to be reminded of their wealth, status and power, and go "Oh yeah, I've got money and I'm so important, uwu!"

They would likely welcome any opportunity to put it on display and use it to further seduce Jaskier! Normally, a prince should have favorably responded to Jaskier's innuendos...

Whereas Radovid's pretty much "Yes, yes, very interesting… Now, enough about me, let's talk about you! Here's your lute, may I humbly ask you to sing about what you prefer singing the most? Please?Maybe your white-haired Witcher? I really want to get to know you…"

And look, the fact that Jaskier got his crush to agree to help him because he was moved by his singing, cares about him, and has made it his personal mission in life to learn to better understand what makes him so special, must be so much more satisfying to Jaskier’s than it being because Radovid likes to display his wealth and feel influential and important!

I mean, look at that face...

He's just so pleased with the unexpected way things turned out...

#Jaskier #Radovid #Radskier #My Posts #My thoughts #Awesome other people's thoughts #Casually overthinking things!#Can't believe I'd never realised how Jaskier's initial attitude when he came to see Radovid could have disappointed the prince...#That spoon is such a spoon though!#He just... manages to get Jaskier to sing and things finally take off! Lol!

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reyggtv · 7 months ago

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There's only so much I can say on Twitter to truly express my feelings about the show Hilda, and how much of an impact it has left on me to make me the kind of person I am today, so I'm taking to Tumblr to write all about it.

If you don't know who I am already, hi, I am ReyGGTV, though you can just call me Rey. I like to make YouTube videos, memes, talk with other Hilda fans, and make occasionally make art. You may already know me from the Hilda Crack videos I made since several years ago, as well as some more recent big videos of mine like my comparison video between Aster and Hilda. I am 20 years old, and have been a diehard fan of the franchise ever since I was just 14.

Firstly, let's discuss how I actually managed to discover Hilda in the first place. It was 2018, freshman year of high school had just started, during this time, I was still big fan of another animated TV show at the time called Star vs. The Forces of Evil. I was a fan of that show ever since its premiere in January of 2015 when I was only 11 years old. Honestly even if I don't look at it nearly as fondly as I do now, to its credit, the show did most certainly help me get interested into animation as a whole more than any other show I saw at the time.

Not even like 2 months after I got in though, I was kicked out. Not because I did anything wrong, but because for a while, my parents had me enrolled in a school district that I didn't even live anywhere near in at the time, so once they found out that I actually lived much farther from them, that's when they decided to let me go. This was devastating to me, all the friends I made in middle school, were suddenly going to go away, and it was only at the very last minute, at the principal's office that I received this news. I was upset, literally everything was going great and they just wanted to throw everything away for me, in favor for me going to a school that was so bad, it caused my family to move to an entirely new city with a better school by the time Sophomore year came around.

But anyways, about 2 weeks before all this happened, I was in a cartoon Discord server, where someone recommended me to watch this show called... you guessed it, Hilda. I took a lot at the promotional material for a while, and put it at the back of my head, not knowing that I would soon revisit it not long later. Fast forward to when I was out of school, I had like 2 weeks in the beginning of October to just cope with everything. It wasn't long that I just became bored, and wanted to do something better, so I pulled up Netflix wanting to find something new to watch. The suggestion from someone about Hilda just so happened to come up on my mind, so I was like "Eh, sure, why not?". I put it on, and the rest was history. I knew from the very moment I finished watching the intro for the very first time, that this was about to be the show of a lifetime for me.

Despite that however, I did not anticipate just how much impact Hilda would leave on the work that I am now doing nearly 6 years after that very faithful day.

I guess the biggest reason why the show left such a massive impact on me right from the beginning is because of its main title character, Hilda. Look, I may be no blue-haired adventurer from the wilderness that likes to munch on cucumber sandwiches all the time, but Hilda at the time for me, was the most relatable character and the character I found the most comfort in when watching it for the first time. Just like me, Hilda too, was also forced to move away from the place and friends she was always happy to be with, despite all her efforts, all it took was one giant, to come and crush it all, leaving her forced to live a new life in a new environment she was not familiar with at all. But, she moved on. She knew that while this was not the ideal way for things go out, life always comes with surprises. But maybe, just maybe, this could be something that could work out in her favor. This whole becoming friends with other humans and living in the big dirty ol' city, could be the best decision she has ever made. And I think it goes without saying that as the series continued, it was.

This was a message that I desperately needed to hear as I was going through overwhelming times at such a young age, and one that I was so happy to hear and watch once I finally finished the first two episodes of this amazing damn show. It showed me that if an 11-year-old girl from the wilderness can be brave enough to move into the big city, be okay and make the best out of it, maybe I too, will be okay with belonging to a new school, finding new friends, and creating new passions for me to follow for years to come. Hilda inspired me to look towards a bigger and brighter future, rather than doubt the bad that comes with the present. For that, I am forever grateful for the creative and writing team of this show, for helping me go through such a difficult time in my life, and convincing me that even despite all that has happened, there will always be something better to look forward to.

I would be lying if I said that this was the only reason as to why I ended up becoming such a huge fan of the show for the next 5 years. Asides from the writing being so good it literally cured my depression. The animation, worldbuilding, and characters were just unlike anything I have ever seen with my own two eyes. It was simple, yet jaw dropping at the same time. Just a silly kid either helping a Raven jog back his memory, try and fight nightmare spirits or ghosts, or help Jellybean out of a scary situation in which everyone wrongfully accuses him of being a big scary black hound. Even if certain episodes of season 1 didn't always turn out perfect, I would always rewatch every single one of them all day for several hours and for several weeks. I had even skipped multiple days of school especially when it was raining, just so I can head to the living room, cuddle up in some warm blankets, with the heater on during the winter season, and just binge the crap out of it for multiple hours a day. This was just the show that I can always count on to bring back the happiness inside of me. Even when I wasn't necessarily having a bad day, I would still continue to watch it for hours because it just kept on getting better and better with every watch I could get possible, it was almost like an addiction almost, haha.

Hilda was the show for me, and I had no intention of trying to watch anything else.

It was also around this time that I started to also get myself more involved with the show's fandom as well, back when it was a lot more populated and not as niche as it is now. While I'm not gonna say that my reputation in it has always been 100% perfect, at the end of the day, I'm just forever grateful I was able to meet some of the most wonderful people and hundreds of fans like myself because of it like @hkthatgffan, @helgafolk618, and many more I can't list here 'cause most of them are not on Tumblr. So much so that I now have the pleasure of creating hundreds, if not thousands of people who are fans/supporters of ME all across all my social media pages. All because I like to talk about Hilda, literally all the time. And to those reading this who has ever left a nice comment on one of my posts, said hi to me on my Discord server, worked with me on a commission, even went as far as to make fan-art of me or just tuned into any of my content whatsoever, thank you. Your support has left a massive impact on me and what I'm continuing to do now. Because at the end of the day, it's not about any popularity points you get from just talking about a TV show consistently for 6 years, for me at least, it has always been about making thousands, sometimes, even millions, happy with my love for it that is the reason that I'm doing any of this in the first place. I love Hilda, always have, and I want to make people happy the same way Hilda did for me, all those years ago.

Surprisingly enough, even though I was already as big of a fan as I could possibly be by the time November of 2018 rolled around, I still wasn't really a guy interested in getting my hands on Hilda merchandise. I knew that the graphic novels by Luke existed, but the only thing I even managed to get for myself at the time was this old T-shirt I bought from the now defunct official Zazzle store they had up for like a few months lol

I guess that all changed when I got my first ever Hilda plush though when I was 15. While it has now certainly showed its age after nearly 5 years, I loved this thing so much lol. It wasn't official because official Hilda plushies didn't exist at the time. I bought it off an Etsy store from AngelinaLily, and I would literally take this thing out with me everyday to everywhere I went to and take photos of it, especially in the wilderness. It was my favorite pastime. My little Hilda, in the palm of my hand 😆. Hey, when you have to wait more than 2 whole years for a brand-new season, what else are you gonna do to entertain yourself during the hiatus?

I had gotten this in the mail right when I had just exited out the mental hospital because I was actively wanting to h*rt myself and potentially putting myself in danger of committing s*icide. Because while Hilda did definitely help me cope with a lot that I was going through at the time, there was still a lot of overwhelming issues I was experiencing, and my mental health was the lowest that it had ever been. This plush effectively, was a way to help me cope with those thoughts I had, which turned out to be a great thing because I literally couldn't be happier with it.

After that, I just decided that "You know what? What if I just got... ALL of the Hilda merchandise?" Thus... that now leading to my massive hoard of Hilda stuff, that I now have everywhere in my room lol

These photos aren't even all the ones I have!

At 16, I decided to write Luke Pearson an e-mail, thanking him for his work and how much it has inspired me to become the person I am now, explaining everything that I just mentioned in this Tumblr post, and at the end of the day, just wanting him to know, that his creations mean a grave big deal to me, and that I will always appreciate just how much of a positive impact it has left me. I didn't really expect anything to come out of it, but about several weeks later, he said this to me lol

"I just wanted to say thank you for writing and relaying your experience to me. I'm sorry to hear that you've been through such difficult times, but I'm glad that you're able to look back on those times and find yourself in a better place. And if Hilda has played any small part in that, which it seems like it has, then I'm extremely pleased about that and it warms me to hear it. It can be hard to know exactly what good a cartoon can actually do for the world (beyond being a few hours of amusement) which is strange when so many people devote so much of their time and creative energy into making it happen. But hearing something like this goes a long way to making it feel like something genuinely worthwhile. I hope things continue to look up for you and hope you're taking care in these trying times." - All the best, Luke

When I tell you I cried like a baby when I first received this e-mail from him, I really did, lol. Hearing this, from the man who made it all possible, was truly the most inspirational thing I could have ever heard. And I was happy, that he was happy, that I was truly able to tell him for the first time, just how much his creation has meant to not just me, but to soooo many fans just like myself. It was truly something to never forget.

Now I'm 20 years old, still talking about the same ol' dang kids show I fell in love with all those years ago. What's happening now? Well now, I am an aspiring film director and video editor who has been taking film classes in community college for the past like 2 years now, I should've graduated already by now but turns out, college is pretty fricking expensive, and I don't even know if I have the funds to try and even graduate by next year. Asides from that though, I am actually in the works of creating my first ever feature-length Hilda fan-film called The Ultimate Hilda Iceberg. It will basically be one of those iceberg explanation videos you see on YouTube, but with the original source of the iceberg being about Hilda, specifically a version someone made on the r/HildaTheSeries subreddit. I've had the idea for this Iceberg video/fan-film as far back as January 2021, with the current script having started work as far back as nearly 9 months ago. And it's still not even finished! Me, as well as tens of dozens of other Hilda fans like myself, are actively working on it to have it be ready by the time fall of this year comes around, right now as we speak! If you want to support and/or follow this massive project as more updates come around you can either follow the official accounts on Twitter/X (@/HildaIceberg) or on Instagram (@/theultimatehildaiceberg).

Asides from that, the biggest passion project I have for my career moving forward, is directing my own big-budget Hilda movie. Specifically, a live-action Hilda movie. Now now, BEFORE you try and cancel me and tell me that this is the stupidest idea of all time and could taint Hilda's image forever. Let me cook. I am a huge movie bluff, I know which live action remakes are genuinely amazing, and which ones just really suck. My vision for a live-action Hilda movie is to make it sorta like how Who Framed Roger Rabbit was. All of the human characters and outside settings are done with real people and practical assets, whilst creatures like Trolls, Elves, or stuff that would normally be done with CGI, be actually turned into 2D-animation, ideally in the same style as that of the Netflix show. Ideally, I also want it to remain as faithful to at least how the show was as possible in terms of story. Look, if there's gonna be anyone else who knows their Hilda best asides from people like Luke or Andy Coyle, it's gonna be me, just sayin.

In conclusion, I just want to wrap this up by giving a huge shout out to people like @littledigits and literally ANYONE who has ever done any time making this fantastic and wonderful show (I couldn't think of anyone else to tag so I only tagged you Meg so sorry if that bothers you 😅). As this post has indicated several times, this show, has really made the best kind of impact in my life and I'm forever grateful to the creator Luke, the directors Andy Coyle, Megan, etc, the voice actors, artists, editors, composers, everyone who has ever had a part in making this amazing show just, please let me hug you. While I may not have been as enthusiastic with the show's third season overall as I wanted to in my opinion, Hilda will always have a soft spot in my heart, for years and years to come, for just how much it truly inspired me, to not just not only being able to have the luxury to do the things I love to do now, but do so in a way that has made, and hopefully will continue to make thousands, hundreds of thousands if not millions of people happy, because of the love that I will continue to have for this very show. Just because a show is small, doesn't mean it can't leave big enough impacts on people for the better ❤️

#hilda #hilda the series #hilda the show #hilda fan art #hilda netflix #hilda oc #animation #netflix

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saphstories · 9 months ago

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Farewell, My Friend💔😭

(PSA: Possible spoiler warnings for The Murder of Me by the Zielo Cave. Only a couple panels, but still...)

So, on Monday night, I was at work, and I checked my phone, mostly out of habit. (I don't recommend doing this, btw, it's a good way to get you written up or worse.) And I saw that I had a YouTube notification on my lock screen. So I open my phone and pull down my drop bar to have a look. And literally saw the absolute worst news.

TMOM is over from The Zielo Cave

Now for those of you that don't know: The Murder of Me, AKA TMOM, is a Sonic the Hedgehog fan comic that first debuted I think 15 or so years ago, give or take, and as much as I would love to claim that I've been a fan since the beginning, I only discovered TMOM about a year or so ago. (I have the worst luck when it comes to finding things; I'm always late to the party 🥺)

When I discovered TMOM I was in a terrible rut. I hadn't posted anything in YEARS, and the writing I had done I kept locked away in notebooks, never to see the light of day. I had no inspiration, no motivation to tell stories. It was a horrible place to be. (-10000/10 recommendation.) Then I was scrolling through Pinterest one day, and I saw a panel of this random comic.

You could probably imagine my reaction. It's so random. Then more cropped up:

My thoughts went HAYWIRE. "Why is Sonic fighting his mother? Why's he dressed like that? WHY IS HE DROWNING?? WHY ARE KNUX AND TAILS LETTING HIM DROWN??? WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING???" So I went hunting, and came across The Murder of Me by Gigi-D on DeviantArt.

I was HOOKED. The plot was so well thought out, the characterization was incredibly done, and as you can see, the art itself was BEAUTIFUL. I couldn't get enough. I flat out ignored life and read through 14 issues in one sitting. It took me all day but it was so worth it. AND THEN: I discovered the dubs on YouTube, and found that Gigi-D had decided to put together a creative team to produce the issues of The Murder of Me as episodic dubs, and I fell head over heels. The cast and editing was absolutely phenomenal, and The Murder of Me had my heart, hook, line, and sinker. What was even better was that they turned Issue 15 into an animatic episode.

Episode 15 Part 1: Purpose released on October 30th, 2022, and since then I have been anxiously awaiting the next episode by rewatching the series and all the prequels and bonus episodes I could get my mouse on. I even forced my best friend one night to binge the entire series with me, and she's not nearly as much of a Sonic fan as I am!

TMOM was more than a great watch or story for me. It was inspiration. I had an itch in my fingers that grew from writing a TMOM fanfiction that would stay hidden away into it's own complex project who's rough draft is now in production. (And could very well be released this summer if all goes well.) It was life breathed into my creativity. It was hope. For the first time in a very long time, I wanted to write. To tell a story like Gigi-D and the Zielo Cave.

And then that notification came. It was like a punch in the stomach. I was terrified and without watching it, I reacted and sent it to my best friend, wailing that once again, a story that I loved was being abandoned. That the writers were giving up. I was indignant. Screw that, I was angry and hurt.

Then I watched the video. I listened to Gigi's story, and immediately felt shamed by my own reaction. The Zielo Cave had been saying that Part Two was taking a while because of personal situations, and when Gigi revealed what had happened, that her inspiration was gone and couldn't bring herself to even sketch these characters that she loved so dearly...my heart shattered for her. While I might not really know or understand the pain of her personal situation, I do know what it is to completely lose the passion for your story. For the characters you still love, but can't bring yourself to engage with.

And while my heart of hearts aches, I know Gigi is doing the right thing. No one wants a story that it's writer is dragging their heels to share, can't bring themselves to write. God knows I've tried that, and trust me, it only hurts everyone. The writer, the fans, and the story itself. By ending TMOM here, she's protecting TMOM and its fans, and even though my heart breaks for TMOM's fate and (mostly) for her, I couldn't be more proud of her. The courage and strength it takes to walk away from such a huge part of your life in search of something more, something better?

Not only that, but honor the work and effort her team has given for Part Two and post it anyway, even though it's unfinished? To offer a written conclusion for the series for the fans that want to know what happens? I've never heard of any creator doing that, ever. All that I have seen would NEVER post any unfinished content, or unveil the unwritten plot and ending. And while I'm devastated for what that means, that TMOM is well and truly concluded and Gigi will probably NEVER return, as a fan of this series, I'm so grateful that what happens to these characters won't remain a mystery.

And to repeat what I said in the comment section of the announcement video: I pray a future that is bright and beautiful for you, and you discover what an amazing person you on this journey of healing. You're going to be magnificent because you are already an incredible person, Gigi. I can't express how important TMOM has been for me, how inspiring the story has been when I was down and unable to pursue my own creativity in my writing, and I just want to thank you for the years of dedication, passion, and love you and your team have given us through The Murder of Me. I bless all the paths you walk from this day forward, and all my love and support for you goes with you on your journeys for all the rest of your days.

The Murder of Me is over. I will always be a TMOM fan, and I will always love Gigi-D and the Zielo Cave for giving me inspiration, passion, and hope for my writing again. It's because of TMOM that The Three Sovereigns even made it to development and is now currently being written with the hope of release this summer, and The Three Sovereigns will always be a tribute to The Murder of Me and the hope this story has given me.

Thank you so much, Gigi-D, the Zielo Cave, and The Murder of Me, and fare thee well, my friend.

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leothil · 6 months ago

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do you have any hockey fic recs? i’m itching for something to read

Oh absolutely! Fair warning though, they'll all be mattdrai (Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk) fics since that's the kick I've been on for more than a year now. But if you want to check out more pairings, the authors of these fics are a good place to start! And, of course, the fics I don't mention from these authors that feature the same pairing too, because I simply can't list every single fic they've written that I love.

I'd also like to state for the record that @trippedandfell was the one who got me into reading hrpf while @onward--upward provided lots of recs for me, so for a wider selection of pairings they might be a good source <3

head above water by yourblues (@msmargaretmurry) that kicks off in an alternate summer of 2022 where Matthew is having a no good very bad time inside his own head. The crushing weight of your own expectations etc. Scenes from the fic written in another pov are found in the fic series, and I highly recommend reading those as well after finishing the main fic!

the land between our bodies also by yourblues, where Leon is the one having a no good very bad time after Matthew's trade to Florida. Surely calling him won't lead to anything bad.

The Next Next One also also by yourblues. And I lied, this is a Dylan Strome/Connor McDavid fic, but it grabs me by the throat like nothing else.

preference by daisysusan (@hopetorun), a winner's room fic that had me gnawing at the back of my chair.

wait a year also by daisysusan, and ok I lied again, this is a Quinn Hughes/Brady Tkachuk fic, in which once, in their teens, Brady said he'd marry Quinn if neither of them were married by 30, and Quinn doesn't dare to believe he was being serious.

linger by @bropunzeling, an omegaverse fic following them from the infamous ASG in 2020 to summer 2023. A/B/O is not my usual cup of tea, but this hit all the right buttons!

contact high also by bropunzeling, a sex pollen fic that had me go yes... hahaha... yes!

only fools rush in also also by bropunzeling, in which Matthew and Leon make a drunk bet during the 2022 All-Star game and suddenly find themselves married. An all-time fave!

Muscle Memory by @blaahaj, where it's the future year of 2023 (this is written late 2020), but Matthew got a bad enough concussion to make him forget almost everything past november 2019. Absolutely delicious amnesia fic!

Growing Into Someone also by blaahaj, where Leon and Matthew both play in Kölner Haie during an NHL lockout.

liebe geht durch den magen by lighthousetowers (@blankvcrs), where Matthew is a recipe/cooking youtuber that Leon starts watching. Incredibly funny!

slip under the tongue into translation also by lighthousetowers, in which Matthew decides to learn German during the 2020 lockdown to better be able to antagonize Leon on the ice. A lot of Leon's internal thoughts about living your life in a different language than your emotional language resonates very heavily with me.

the kids are alright also also by lighthousetowers, where Matthew is an elementary school teacher and his class gets a visit from the Oilers.

broken glass by dilangley, with born werewolf Matthew and bitten werewolf Leon, and the cultural differences that inescapably arise. Not a/b/o. It's incredible how much lore and personal history has been fit into 13.7k words!

The hockey but make it football series from RippingOffZeppelin. Both mattdrai and mceichel. I know nothing about american football, but I've been mesmerized by this series! I believe part four is the one that was actually written first, and I think that's the one I read first too, but imo you can read them in either the series-chronological order or published-chronological order!

comment for engagement also by RippingOffZeppelin, in which Matthew is made to start a youtube channel to improve his own optics on the Flames after he's gotten some bad press. It becomes very popular, and leads Matthew into some interesting situations!

long ago that current caught us by puckthisshift where werewolf!Leon can hear a siren call to him in Florida.

#oh jesus that's so many i'll shut up now #ask frida #anon #fic rec

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justplainwhump · 1 year ago

Text

Raid

Adrian takes part in a WRU raid.

[pet safety masterpost]

Content / warning: BBU, frankly discussed noncon (by whumpers), implied forced prostitution, WRU things, reacquisition teams, biting, beating. It starts very fluffy, but most of this is in fact very much not.

Slowly, Adrian and Bea began to develop a routine. Marta helped, from a distance, sharing what she knew from years of safehouse work and adapting it to Adrian's reality.

Physical activities, she had recommended. Touch that is affectionate, yet not physical. Defining and defending boundaries for each of them.

It was a challenging journey for both of them, but Adrian found himself enjoying the ride.

Bea helped with and prepared cooking. She didn't have any words for it, and barely any memory, but there was definitely some physical memory to kitchen assistance - with the slight drawback, that that had been with full vision, as they'd learned the hard way when she'd seriously cut herself while chopping onions, and the ER had sent them off because they wouldn't treat pets.

From then on, there were weekly therapy sessions for Bea, a work therapist (WRU-licence for work with pets) visiting them at home and teaching her how to deal with her vision impairment.

Bea refused to leave the apartment without him, but he taught her how to order groceries via app and she took over that task, too.

And then, there was dancing.

Every day after Adrian came home from work, he'd put on a playlist and they'd dance in the small space of his living room for almost an hour. Bea was a great dancer - of course she was, he thought grimly, nobody came out of WRU's training who didn't have perfectly sensual movements and flexibility. But she also seemed to genuinely enjoy it.

They danced Salsa, New York style, and Bea took to it like a fish to water. When he was at work, she browsed YouTube playlists he'd set up for her to find new combinations or try out stylings and decorations, and after he had been the one to teach her for their first two or three sessions, the roles were quickly reversed and she became the teacher.

"That pet really does wonders on you," his colleague at work said. "Haven't gotten laid enough before, huh?"

"She's fantastic," Adrian would reply then, nonchalantly enough not to provoke any follow up questions, and he'd hate that it was true. He was better.

Happier.

Of course, this didn't last long.

---

Adrian was just filing away the reports on his last uneventful inspection, humming the tune of a Salsa song, when his phone rang.

"Hey, Delgado," Kelly's voice was pressed. "Need you for a raid downtown. Illegal brothel, WRU pets involved. Police have requested a WRU team to deal with them. Dispatching three handlers and you. Departure in five. You'll answer to Grimm."

Grimm. The asshole who'd performed 'quality assurance' on Bea. It was even more sickening to imagine now, than it had been back then.

"Grimm and I aren't exactly-"

She cut him off. "You're both professionals, Adrian. He's the most senior employee on the team. Deal with it." She'd hung up, before he could add anything.

Cussing, Adrian grabbed his protective gear and jogged to the car park.

"PSI Delgado," Grimm greeted him, as he eased himself in the back of the van. "What an unpleasant surprise. I don't exactly need moral guidance to raid a house full of second hand Romantics."

"Seems our bosses think you do." Demonstratively, Adrian reached to his chest and turned on the body cam. "Pet Safety means to keep WRU property safe and well-kept. Would be a shame for the company if that weren't your highest prerogative."

Grimm clicked his tongue. "How's your own little whore anyway, eh? You keeping her safe and well-fucked? Or you defending your moral-superiority-slash-virginity against her?"

Adrian grabbed the handle over the door as the van went into a sharp curve. "What happens in my bedroom is none of your business."

"Ah, I see." He chuckled. "Nothing much, then. She's fun when you get her to scream, you know? Three fingers up the ass should do the job."

Adrian forced himself to remain calm. "What about the mission, Grimm?"

"Illegal brothel, bunch of whores with bar codes on their wrists. Police are coming in for the gangsters running it, need us to secure and seize the pets."

"How many?"

"Half dozen Romantics. Guard Dog or two." Grimm smirked. "My handlers and I will handle the Romantics, so you don't need to burden yourself with that depravity."

"Called the wife already, not to wait up," one of the other handlers chimed in. "Going to be a long night evaluating the products. We'll need to make sure they're still functional."

"While Delgado here can check if the Guard Dogs are still functional," Grimm added cheerfully. "Excellent team work."

"Truly." Adrian grinned at him darkly. "Always a pleasure working with other departments."

In his pocket, a burner phone was holding connection to his sister's, continuously sending his location data in the background.

---

It was worse than he'd expected.

Somehow, it always was.

None of the Romantics were registered to the brothel's owners. Runaways, who had either been collected off the streets by criminals or even taken the job up by themselves, earning money by doing the one thing they thought they were good at.

All of them had one thing in common - they were terrified seeing the dark gray WRU uniforms.

Some of them folded into Respect position even without the command, crying and whimpering.

Some tried to make a run for it.

Like the young man Adrian was pinning to the wall right now, barely twenty, high cheekbones, tousled black hair that fell down his back. His translucent robe hid nothing, not the too thin shape of his body, nor the bruises on his neck and thighs.

"Please," he whimpered. "Please, Sir, no, I can't go back, I'll do anything, please."

Adrian pressed him closer into the wall and leaned in. The boy reacted by curving his body against him, baring his neck, trying to rub his ass at Adrian's crotch.

Adrian squirmed. No. He couldn't do this. "See that window to our right?" he hissed. "There's a roof underneath. You hit me, get out there, down, two left turns, there's a red car. Get there, and you'll be safe."

From the end of the corridor, someone whistled. "Delgado trying to get some after all, huh? Need help?"

Adrian flipped the handler off, while he wrestled the pet's legs apart with his knee in an effort to show her what she expected to see. "Not help, fucking privacy would be nice!"

She chuckled. "Sure thing. We help each other, don't we? Be quick." He heard her press a button on her radio. "First floor clear."

Adrian reached for his own pants, pulled open his belt, while watching her leave.

His lips brushed over the boy's ear. "Got it?"

"Sure." The boy pushed back his ass. "I give you a good time and you look away for a second," he purred.

"No. You don't give me anything," Adrian said sharply. "No time. You hit me, you get to the red car. You ran away once, you do it again. Now."

He loosened his grip, and luckily, the kid had understood.

He spun around and punched him in the stomach, then a knee between the legs.

Adrian's loud whine wasn't entirely fake, as he stumbled back and rolled up on the floor. The kid stared at him for a second, and then darted towards the window Adrian had indicated, long hair flying past him like a flag.

Adrian counted to five, before he hit the button of the radio and yelled "Fuck! One got away!"

He just prayed it was true.

"One whore doesn't matter," Grimm's voice cracked in the radio. "Found the jackpot down here, be useful for once, Delgado. Basement, now."

Adrian pushed himself back to his knees. His cheek throbbed where the kid's punch had landed, not much more, but the kick between the legs had been hard. He groaned, as he started to limp towards the stairs.

The police had mostly retreated, a bunch of well dressed people loaded in the back of police trucks, some other officers carrying out computers from upstairs.

Adrian's colleagues however were in the basement, where a group of four trembling pets was huddled up behind a huge Guard Dogs shielding them against the handlers. He was growling lowly, swinging a long iron bar in one hand.

The handlers kept safe distance at the bottom of the stairs, shock batons and guns ready.

"Why don't you just shoot the dude?", the woman who'd been upstairs with Adrian demanded.

"Big guy is worth a mill," Grimm said lowly. "Top grade. Has titanium enforcements and shit. Reacquisition have been on the lookout for him for months. He'll go to refurb in mint condition, and still be on the larger end of six figures."

"Go. Away," the Guard Dog growled.

"Ressource guarding." Adrian mumbled. "Classic side effect of that sort of conditioning. Question is, does he defend all of them, or just one."

"Check the files." Grimm gestured at one of the handlers. "Did one of them escape with him?"

"Twink at the left. Not even a Romantic by designation. Domestic. Valet to their owner. Worth... neglectable."

"Huh." Grimm raised his gun and fired.

The gunshot echoed from the walls, deafening by itself, multiplied by the inhuman scream that rose from the Guard Dog's throat when the Domestic went down.

He lunged forward, at the same moment something pushed into Adrian's back.

Adrian only had time to draw his shock baton before the Guard Dog was on him, metal teeth sinking into the armour on his neck, digging through it, tearing skin and flesh. Grimm, he dimly thought. Fucking Grimm had pushed him in the line of attack.

He couldn't breathe, couldn't even raise his arm with the baton, could only scream, as the man on top of him shook his head with Adrian's neck between his teeth.

Punches rained down on the Guard Dog, vibrating in Adrian's body, his bones, his skull, everywhere. He couldn't see straight, everything a foggy blur, the only thing sharp the teeth in his neck.

There were calls around him, screams and footsteps and groans, and then finally, finally a heavy weight sinking down on him, a release of the stinging hold of his neck, and the welcoming darkness of unconsciousness.

---

When Adrian came to in the hospital the first time, it was for some minutes to a doctor changing the IV bag.

The second time was at night, when he woke up disoriented, trembling from a nightmare about Eric wearing a translucent robe, kissing his neck, then turning into a zombie biting him. Adrian's trembling fingers found a thick bandage around his neck. He rang the nurse for painkillers.

The third time, late in the morning, it was to Handler Grimm sitting in a chair next to his bed.

He closed his eyes, hoping to sleep again and make him go away.

It didn't work.

"Morning, Delgado," Grimm said cheerfully. "Man, you really went all in for the team there, didn't you?"

"Fuck you," Adrian rasped. "You fucking threw me to him as.... as bait."

"You wore armor," Grimm said with a shrug. "And you messed up right before. Plus, you're a fucking pain in the ass." He clasped Adrian's shoulder, and Adrian gasped in pain as it tore at the fresh wound. "And it worked out. I'll cash in the reacquisition bonus, and both of us will keep silent about the details, eh? I'll get you a share."

"What... about the pets?"

"Got more than half of them. They're on the Drip as we speak. Your cutie is still on the run, but don't worry, they all get picked up sooner or later. Until then, I'll make sure you'll get a little solace."

Adrian groaned, and Grimm just chuckled. "Was good working with you, eh? Cheers, PSI Delgado."

Adrian passed out, came back, and passed out again.

Somewhere in between, in the fleeting moments of consciousness, he felt someone curl up at his side, gentle hands brushing over his skin.

"I'm with you," a soft voice whispered. "I'm with you, Adrian Delgado, and I'm keeping you safe." She hummed against his skin, the cheerful tune of a Salsa song.

This time, when he fell asleep, he smiled.

---

tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed): @gottawhump @flowersarefreetherapy @whumplr-reader @highwaywhump @tauntedoctopuses @pigeonwhumps @whumppsychology @labgrowndemon n @whumpinggrounds @somewhumpyguy @whumpzone @tragedyinblue

#bbu #pet safety series #adrian #handler grimm #noncon implied #forced prostitution #if you ever want me to write out #some of the soft stuff in the beginning #let me know

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thygoddessouijathicc · 2 years ago

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Learning About Biology Doesn’t Have to Be Hard

Disclaimer, I’m not saying that this makes you an expert, or is any substitute for school and furthering your education on biology but it is a simple and fun way to learn difficult concepts that feel out of reach.

While school is always helpful for learning science and you learn many great things, for instance just this year I found out finally how organs work (I am unsure if I’m better or worse for knowing how digestion works, I know it’s a natural process but knowing my food is turning to bolus in my mouth feels like cursed knowledge), sometimes the way it’s taught just doesn’t register. There are many different ways of learning topics and it all depends on your learning style, interests, education, and what you like to do.

What works for me may not work for you, and even if it does you still need school if you want a full understanding, this is just a fun way to learn about evolution.

Now with that aside, let me explain what the hell I’m actually talking about.

As a young child I’d always had an extreme interest in zoology, evolution and fantasy, which of course led me to the very interesting niche type of fiction known as speculative zoology/biology.

What that is, for those who don’t know, is when a writer creates biologically feasible creatures using evolution as a framework, some famous examples of this are C.M. Kosemen’s “All Tomorrows”, the game “Subnautica” and Dougal Dixon’s “Man After Man”. Those stories are pretty specifically dedicated to only speculative biology and not so much plot although there usually is one especially in All Tommorows and Subnautica. I’m sure a lot of you reading this will know at least one of those works.

However, while those projects will teach you biology, and lots of it, they’re more about the results than the process, and they’re also not what I’m talking about.

There is a series on YouTube known as “Alien Biospheres” by the creator Biblaridion. While I would say I learned a lot of things from a lot of places, some things from random videos about animals, some from school, some from really liking spore as a little kid because my parents introduced me to it, some from speculative biology projects like the previously mentioned ones, I’d actually attribute most of my biological knowledge to the series.

Alien Biospheres takes you on a journey as the creator creates an ecosystem from the ground up, starting in a collaborative video with another great science creator, Artifexian (who you should also very much watch) with creating the alien planet itself. From that point on, starting with single celled organisms, he creates a world populated with hundreds of creatures that all seem very possible and interesting. As he goes, he explains the concepts and principles guiding evolution, and how each trait could evolve from what is already there.

You’ll learn about atmospheres, body plans, how flying works, the square cube law, and many other important factors to biology, all presented with the framework of building a creative and unique feeling world. For me, this was always the perfect way for it to be displayed in a way that was easily understandable, but not too oversimplified to the point you really aren’t learning anything.

His videos are the reason I can overanalyze and create theories on unexplained details of many creatures, and create my own biologically feasible (although objectively far more fantastical and unrealistic) monsters.

His videos may not work for you how they worked for me, but if you like biology, zoology, evolution, speculative biology/zoology, or fantasy creatures I would recommend at least giving his videos a try.

Again, I must say that they are a starting point and you still need an education on the topic if you want to be an expert.

However you should go out there and give it a try, Alien Biospheres helped shape my understanding of the world and it might help you too.

#Alien Bispheres #Speculative Biology #biology #zoology #speculative zoology #evolution #I just think it’s neat #(:

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aroaceacacia · 2 years ago

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HI!!!! sorry if you've already posted about this before, but i'm aware you help maintain a vod archive - we're trying to do this for another server and were wondering if you had any tips for useful tools or ways to go about this? thanks and sorry for bothering !!

yes ok!!! here r my tips

1. Have some sort of location where all the VODs are accessible from, for people who may want to find them. For us, we have a spreadsheet, with dates & labels; this could also take the form of a YouTube playlist or an archive.org collection

2. Having only one way to download VODs probably wont be able to cover every scenario you encounter. Here's a list of a BUNCH of resources and tools, many of which you might never need, and most of which I've never heard of. In terms of programs to download VODs, I personally use a mixture of three: Twitch Downloader, 4k Video Downloader, and Twitch Recover. (I use Downloader to access most Twitch VODs, 4k for YouTube videos/streams - although it also does Twitch - and Twitch Recover for when a VOD has been recently deleted*.)

3. TWITCH DELETES VODS !!!! unless a vod is saved as a highlight, those suckers go KABLOOEY at a certain point! the exact amount of time will vary, depending on whether ur streamer is affiliate, partner, or not, so knowing your streamer's status is very helpful. I think non-affiliates and affiliates have a week, and then partners have 60 days. Note that Twitch Recover does not work on VODs older than 60 days, so this time limit is REALLY IMPORTANT.

4. If you're able to get in touch with your streamers in some way, that is really cool and epic! Not necessary at all, but sometimes it's nice being able to remind streamers theres a demand for an official VODs channel, or asking if they have any spare VODs lying around

5. HAVE FRIENDS TO DO THIS WITH !! you said "we" so I assume theres probably a team of some sort already, but division of labor is HUGELY helpful for VOD archiving, because those GB start adding up fast. (It's about 2.5 GB per 1 hour of video at 1080p quality, and generally you want the highest quality possible, so VODs can get pretty chunky.) Oh yeah I guess storage space is useful too. Remember to do spring cleaning also every now and then and make sure you dont delete anything that isnt already backed up elsewhere 👍 but yes. Teamwork. Communicating with the group about who will do what, being able to mobilize in a potential crisis, and making occasional public calls for additional hands on help are all super important, I've found.

6. YouTube is a copyright bitch! While it's better for watching vods back on, it will occasionally block a vod for copyright. YouTube is great, I upload all my MCC vods there unlisted, but I also recommend getting familiar with archive.org. archive is a little slower to upload but it won't hide a VOD worldwide because it had a copyrighted song or three in it. Having mirrors of uploads is a good tool for peace of mind - one of my friends has been on a kick of double mirroring VODs lately, even ones that will eventually be up on a VODs channel, but that's also a lot of uploading and slows him down

7. Being aware to at least some degree of the contents of what you're archiving is a good thing. Sometimes you need to censor out an accidental doxxing or worry about an IP leak, and I find it makes me feel more confident in my work if I know what I'm preserving. Like, I archive plenty of MCC POVs I havent necessarily watched, but they're all MCC, and I know what happens, and I sometimes hear details from other people - but a random server VOD from a guy I don't watch much of could contain anything. Sometimes I worry I've accidentally stuck deeply personal information into the internets biggest document repository. And maybe I have. But having some familiarity helps the peace of mind

8. Have fun with it and take pride in your work! You're helping to prevent something you love, the hard work of others, from becoming lost media! That's sooooo epic and sexy and cool of you, actually, and more people should do it - either on their own for their own personal purposes, or in the context of a larger project, like me and you

tl;dr its work but it boils down to communication, having the right tools, and having a team that is willing to adapt and cooperate in order to get stuff done! best of luck in your efforts

#asks #the genesis institute #this is like sooooo much info most of it will come up naturally. & i think the exact rhythm and formula #will vary depending on the exact group of people you've got & the demands of the server itself

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the---hermit · 1 year ago

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hello cris! i would love to ask as someone who is currently learning a language (i'm currently trying to learn italian again for the nth time) what are your favorite techniques when it comes to learning a language? i've been trying to study italian for two years now but i always end up giving up immediately 😭🫶🏻

Hello anon!

Firstly I had a vague memory of talking about this before and I checked my masterlist so in case you want to read more here is another similar ask I answered to a while back and here an ask in which I meanioned a few italian fiction books for people who are learning. I'll be honest I did not reread those and I don't remember what I wrote lmao. But you have some more reading to do after this just in case!

At the moment the main language I am very slowly trying to learn is Irish. But I will be honest it's more a free time hobby than actual studying. In the sense that I don't have a schedule for it and I have ups and downs in which I am able to focus a bit more, and times like the past few months in which my energy is nowhere to be found so I do very little progress. The main way I am dping this is with duolingo, which I feel is a great way to start and to keep a tiny bit of practice in your everyday life which is fundamental. Of course if you want to have more progress I would suggest coming up with a more structured study plan and schedule, but I'll talk about it in a bit. The other thing I am implementing is a grammar book that of course is what requires more mental energy. My technique with that is, as everything I study, to read it, underline important things and write my own set of notes. That is because I know it is my main way of learning in general.

And with this we come to a important point, before getting into learning anything try to figure out what are the ways you learn things best. Everyone's brain works differently, I personally have awful memory and my brain works way better using logic (which is why the way duolingo is structured works wonders for me, because it forces me to learn grammar rules with logic and it repeats vocabulary so much that even I end up memorizing it). Writing notes down, even several times, is my go to way of learning in general so of course I focus a lot on that. Clearly with learning a language you also need to implement a lot of practice, which is way I recommend trying out a well made plan. This doesn't mean create insane goals that will make you feel overwhelmed. Instead create a low effort plan in which you regularly do a bit of everything:

Learn vocab and practice it

Learn new grammar rule and practice them

Work on booktext esercises

Active learning with a book

Active learning with a video

These are just some ideas. When I self studied english what really made me learn the language was active learning by immersing myself with the language. That forces you to learn. Watch youtube videos in italian (I am pretty sure there's some people who make specific videos for language learnera in which they speak slowly and focus on certain vocab, so I highly recommend those, but when you feel more comfortable with the language go for pure entertainment, that will have you learn actual spoken Italian which is of course different from textbooks). Approach the language with written texts with either children's books or those novels simplified for language learning (those are great because you often get exercises to practice how much you understood of the story).

I know I have probably mentioned it before, but the first way I got into self studying English when I was younger was by writing down lyrics to my favourite album. I think I have it lying around still, a notebook filled with the lyrics to all the songs from Imaginaerum by Nightwish next to the translations. Listening to music in your target language is such a good trick imo. Take my brother, the guy does not speak one word on English but he knows by heart all the lyrics to Iron Maiden songs all.of.them. he never really had to practice English but if he had to I would suggest he started there. The more you get your target language into your daily life the better it is, and I don't mean just learning from books. Force yourself to describe the room you are in in your target language, write about your days in a diary and do that in your target language. When you are waiting in line list all the words that come up to you in your target language. It's hard at first, of course it is, but with time it gets easier and easier. The final goal is to be able to think in your target language, even if the grammar isn't perfect and it takes a long time to remember the correct words.

Think of yourself as a young child. They are learning languages like you, starting from zero, so focus on things that are for them, books and movies. You cannot expect to learn a language like a native speaker of your age right away, they have years of experience speaking it. If you instead think of yourself as a kid you will approach things that are at your current level, and after you can move on from there.

I think the goal is to make a plan and to fit even the tiniest bit of language learning into your everyday life. The progress might be slow but you are training your brain anyway. When you see something isn't working change it up, give yourself reachable goals, and keep it fun.

I hope this was somewhat helpful! If you have any other questioms my inbox is always open. Buona fortuna!

#ask #asked #asks #answered #language learning #langblr #studying #studyblr #study tips #learning tips #cris speaks #mine #the---hermit #anon

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