#and you never know whether they will or won't know
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controversial opinion but if someone's package gets delivered to your house i think it's okay to keep it sometimes. there are obvious exceptions, like medicine or other items that might be needed on a specific timescale or person-to-person packages. but if it's like. a shower rod from a major retailer. i think it's okay. the retailer will handle it. and you'll get a free shower rod.
#NOT cool if the person who ordered doesn't know how to contact the retailer and get it all fixed#and you never know whether they will or won't know#but i do know#so now i'm getting a second shower rod shipped out#and maybe the person who got mine this morning will personally deliver it to me#maybe they won't#i'm all good either way man ✋🤚 oh god look at those hands. they're not even chiral yuck.#adam yaps
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boat boys coded
#....does this make sense#it does in my head#lovers lane. dead end.#aka double life#they know it won't lead anywhere#in the long run it will only end in pain#whether it ends in a screaming match or just one too many empty promises — it doesn't matter. it still ends either way#and that's the part that really counts#but they don't do anything about it because what is there to do? your only option is to live the story#even if you know how it ends#so they go along with it#what other choice do they have?#they fall in love and they kiss and they kill and they do it all together. they follow lovers lane all the way until the end of the road#until they can't deny it anymore#their time is up#double life is over#they're running on borrowed time - delaying the inevitable#it's a dead end#and it was always going to be#and somewhere in between they may have convinced themselves that it might be different#(it's not)#(it never is)#IS THIS ANYTHING GUYS...#maybe i'm just insane#nya talks#hermitblr#trafficblr#joel smallishbeans#boat boys#smalletho
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walking through lucanis' mind prison. the tam lin of it all
#his mind keeps changing forms and you just have to show him you won't let go of him#it doesn't even really matter what you say to him just that you're consistently there to say it. your voice is a comfort. im in pain#I'm having so many feelings about like... rook can't be here. because of all things in the world rook means 'safe'. what if I exploded#what if I just shattered into a thousand pieces and was swept away by the wind actually#'it's better that I stay here than risk losing you' is such pitch perfect trauma logic. freeze logic specifically#on some level he seems to think he keeps rook safe like. existentially. by staying here#it's heartbreaking child magical thinking that makes me wonder like. has he basically been in a place like this inside#ever since his parents died? before that? the ossuary is just new set dressing the underlying logic is OLD. and very very sad to me#'I keep everyone safe by staying here'#(and then the perfect hilarity of having an actual demon be like 'ROOK. YOU TALK TO HIM HE NEVER LISTENS TO ME'#tfw your inner demon gets worried enough to stage an intervention and get you therapy whether you want it or not lmao)#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#rook x lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#rookanis#rye staying mostly in gentle professional mode for this one b/c this is literally his training#('I may not be batting a hundred at being a person but I DO know how to deal with fade shenanigans! not to worry I've got you')#except in that last part with the illario mind ghost where he roundaboutly admits 'I need you I don't know how to do this without you'#in rye speak that is very big it's like. third base of his soul or something. we do not ask for things for ourselves in this house#(because we already know we will not receive anyway so that sounds both humiliating and ultimately pointless. no thank you!)#and yet. the things we'll admit for love#the feeling that some of the things varric did for rye immediately post-exile rye is paying forward with lucanis now. don't look at me
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and then no one said anything about the fact that if i watched ONE MORE episode tenax pulls a "i'm not angry i'm just disappointed i'm hurt" about scorpus signing with the white faction.
#do you see the vision here <- guy who has a watch rate of one episode per month#oh the implications of scorpus not being there for tenax in his time of need... the death of the child who is not but is symbolically their#is that a separate fic completely yes but it is ALSO in some ways a divorce fic. tenax like i needed you but scorpus also needing him#OH MY GOD THEY LITERALLY DO SAY FELIX WAS HIM and i can do SO much with the concept of a “stray”. oh please. please strays instead of rats#one knife to the ribs one fixed race one apartment board THAT'S A STORYLINE BABY RISE OR DIE THE ROMAN WAYYYYYY#i do see your calla/tenax storylines i do. i could be swayed but we are not here for that currently this is the same as the chariot racing#like i KNOW what i said about the gold faction representing everything that scares scorpus a dream he never thought they'd reach#and then to have it ripped away now he no longer even has the dream untarnished i do understand. which is why the “i'm disappointed”#kills me even MORE because it shows he gets it. like on some level he does understand why scorpus had to but it's his pride that's wounde#so to continue from what i WAS saying with:#sets the bar so low because how else would tenax love him (as if tenax would not do the same thing if he lost) and they have even MORE#questionable celebratory reward sex. yes i assigned scorpus a degradation/praise kink the world works in wondrous ways don't question it#scorpus/tenax#those about to die#tenax making sure to care for the kids is what's killing me too because i REALLY want to draw a parallel with scorpus making sure he takes#care of the prostitutes. yes he's a notorious hedonist yes he has a lot of sex but he always pays well doesn't he. over-well. he pays too#much and ends up in debt he pays enough to buy girls freedom. so that they only have to if they want to. it gets him a reputation sure AND#it gets whole houses of girls under his (and therefore tenax's) protection. you can't bruise her up; that's scorpus' favorite girl.#she can charge more for being favored. he can pay for massive parties where no one else is invited and if he falls asleep midway drunk#off his ass after a race the girls would never say. they still get paid. if tenax comes to watch and give instructions they'd never say.#if tenax tells them all to leave and it's just him and scorpus in the golden room and all the girls see before they shut the door#and latch it behind them is scorpus on his knees in the soft plush cushions with tenax offering him grapes one by one from his fingertips#like a favored concubine instead of the champion whose laurels are tilted on his head they won't say a word. not even when the noise#inside the room continues for long after the hour runs out the girls still stand watch until it's quiet and then crawl back in around where#scorpus is alone in the big wrecked bed with a smear of blood or wine on his mouth who could say. certainly they wouldn't.#no matter what they still get paid. whether they did the work to wreck him or not.#ANYWAY#they take care of the selves they couldn't protect is what i'm trying to say. for tenax it's the child he was/scorpus it's the body he sold#only he hasn't stopped having to sell it. & i guess as we're learning with the extortion tenax is still a child running from a burning hous
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okay. i have finally finished my rewatch and i think i've finally made sense of my thoughts vis a vis ted and jamie's relationship.
i think it's very interesting that the exact moment ted pulls away from being directly involved in jamie's development is when he realizes that what jamie needs is a father. like in season one and arguably the first half of season two he is very hands on in trying to get jamie to realize his potential/the error of his ways but like. things are noticeably different after he sees him and james through the door, and then after wembley they do not really interact again in a meaningful way until mom city. roy literally picks it up as ted sets it down, like. he can't be what jamie needs he doesn't Want to, he can barely even handle what he feels for henry like we see in mom city, he's not picking up a bonus son you know
i really do think it's a very interesting way to handle their relationship specifically. they're so so intertwined in their character arcs and they're constantly setting each other's off but they can't really meet in the middle because ted can't/won't connect with him on that level. they're a son without a father and a father without a son and they can't click into that relationship because ted pulls away from him the minute it becomes clear that's what jamie needs, and we see it come full circle and see why in his monologue during mom city
#beebles#ted lasso#jamie tartt#idk it FASCINATES MEEEE#i think it's also very meaningful that we see ted give jamie dog shit advice about his dad in this same episode#because ted hasn't engaged with jamie much and he Doesn't know the extent of james' fuckery#and ted's own daddy issues are clouding it too like#he spent so long with sharon learning how to forgive his father for what he did#why Wouldn't jamie benefit from that same forgiveness you know??#but we are all in agreement that it was dogshit advice.#and it was dogshit advice precisely because he won't engage with jamie on that level#and i think whether or not jamie even wants ted to fill that role is very debatable#i love their weird relationship#they're not father and son to me they're mother and daughter#and the tying jamie and henry together was also fucking fascinating btw#like when they interact in s1 whatever that episode is#and then in we'll never have paris when henry is playing with them it's him and jamie that are celebrating together first#and he's wearing jamie's number???#so jamie gets to haunt ted for the rest of henry's soccer career?????#fascinating stuff. fascinating stuff.#you'll literally never get away from the sound of that boy who loved you ted.#because that's exactly what they do they haunt each other's arcs
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One TF fandom argument that confuses me is when people put Megatron and Starscream versus each other like, when people say that it's "unfair that Megatron gets redemption but Starscream doesn't" (in regards to IDW1) because like. One, IDW1 in phase 2 was written by like 4 different writers, so you can't try to claim that there was some unified vision where the nonexistent Singular Writer of IDW was like "no Starscream isn't allowed to have nice things."
And second, I don't think the writers would even think of it that way? It's not like the writers were like "okay we have one Get Out Of Jail Free Card and we're going to spend it on Megatron, sorry Starscream maybe in the next reboot you can get it." The divisions fans make between X character likers and Y character likers are completely made up fandom drama and sometimes I feel like people don't understand that the writers aren't privy to fandom infighting/drama and wouldn't write Megatron and Starscream in opposition to each other as if one character's gain must come at the other's expense.
And finally............. IDW1 Starscream literally does get to be portrayed as a more morally gray person, have his feelings shown and treated as human, even make some friends/have people treat him nicely? IDK what fucking comics people are reading where they think that Starscream is treated as an evil villain with no redeeming qualities at all. Maybe it's the same Starscream fans who shit on TAAO/Scott or something, that's the only way I could explain it.
#squiggposting#discourse#plus like i feel like SS just becoming happy and a good person doesn't really make sense for his character#because his thing is that he's unpredictable and mercurial and you never really know what he wants or what he'll do#making him 'a good guy' would fly in the face of the archetype he is which is a scheming manipulator out for his own ends#and i really liked idw1 SS because he's like. he's a piece of shit he's a little meow meow he's traumatized he's a tyrant#as his actions and thoughts and conscience shifts from one plot to the other he does kinda good things but then does bad things#he makes you go from 'well maybe he's not so bad' to 'WHAT THE FUCK YOU PIECE OF SHIT'#because with SS he's not. one. thing. like you can't predict him you can't box him into being on one 'side' or the other#he's on his own side and sometimes his own side happens to include a conscience or people who try to make SS be nicer#sometimes IDW SS pursues his own selfish aims and sometimes he has moments of weakness where he decides he'll be nice#the entire 'will he or won't he' plot of whether SS would be a dick or be nice was part of his whole appeal#also megs' redemption arc is mid anyways#if anything i feel like i could argue phase 2/3 SS is more interesting and has a better emotional arc than M#and i'm not even a SS fan + i like M way more
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It is literally so important to me to make Reigen’s life as miserable as possible. I want him to have been fighting for his life since day one. I need him suffering through neglectful parents, a sister who only believes the worst of him, bullying both at school and at the workplace, and now I'm debating on giving him a mentor figure during his youth who very nearly groomed him
#the guy I have in mind is like. super cruel but he barely kept it under wraps around reigen...#I was thinking that reigen was targeted cause he's one of the 'loner' kids and they're the easiest to control#one day one of the delinquent kids gives him a knife and tells him that if he won't leave. then keep that on him. he'll need it one day#the mental image of tiny reigen covered in bruises and bandages while just holding a knife is so... baby BOOYYYYYYY !!!!!#this guy didnt actually care about reigen at all and was just super manipulative and cruel :(#the guy finally tried something and reigen ends up stabbing the guy in the throat and running away#reigen never knows what happened to him... but he never sees him ever again#reigen not knowing whether or not he has a mans blood on his hands SJSJSJSJ#this was just me thinking about reigens knife speech and being like. ya I'm sure you know all about how knives can be used...
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it's kind of weird to me that they didn't bother releasing sushi and tempura internationally at all but at the same time i'm kinda glad they didn't cuz like. yo-kai watch was financially failing in the west by the time 3 released. i feel like if they had released sushi and tempura the franchise would've completely tanked before we got sukiyaki which would've sucked. honestly if anything i feel like it's more surprising that we got all three versions of 2 instead of them just releasing psychic specters but tbf i think yo-kai watch was doing well in the west when 2 released. 2 is just inexplicably what killed the franchise despite being a masterpiece-
#puppy rambles#yo-kai watch#yw3#yw2#idk. i have a lot of thoughts on this stuff#still upset i didn't find out 3 released in america until a while after it did :/ could've gotten a physical copy if i'd found out earlier#but alas. i'm just stuck with a boring digital version. i mean the digital versions of yo-kai watch games are better but like. still#i never got maginyan in blasters even though i could've. the code or whatever was on the receipt but my mom bought it for me#from the nintendo website. and i don't think she checked it and i don't think i found out that was where it was until a bit after i got it-#i did get machonyan and jibanyan t/komasan t's codes entered though so i can get them on any playthrough now#unless i put the sd card in another 3ds since apparently it's system-based instead of sd card based??? which is really stupid#but you can probably bypass that with cfw and i do plan on modding my 3ds eventually#it'll just be a process cuz i don't have an sd card slot on my computer and idk if my moms would be willing to help#so i'll probably have to get a separate sd card reader or whatever. which i do think my moms would be okay with i mean#it's my system and they're cool with piracy lfskdjfjkfsdkljfd-#my moms are so cool <3 i just wish i could get them interested in yo-kai watch but they don't seem to care lfskdjfkjsfdjlksfd-#they determined the battle system doesn't sound fun but i might've just described it badly#i mean tbf. it is very annoying sometimes. especially when my healer just will not heal the other yo-kai#''DO YOUR FUCKING JOB TATTLECAST STOP LOAFING'' -me playing 2#that being said if 1's switch port ever releases in america i am totally playing it on the tv#i WILL force my moms to watch me play funni ghost game whether they like it or not /lh#if we do ever get 1's switch port i hope they make it a collection of some kind with 2 and 3 remasters too i would buy that in a heartbeat#i mean obviously i will buy any american-released yo-kai watch stuff in a heartbeat aside from maaaaaybe y-school heroes#(i'm sorry y-school heroes fans i just cannot get into it. from concept alone it sounds like i would not enjoy it)#maybe sangokushi too if we ever get that but i feel like we probably won't#idk if the franchise it's a crossover with is popular enough in america for that#i hope we get more english yo-kai watch content once ghost craft releases. kinda feel like it's testing the waters tbh#i know it's seemingly just a spiritual successor but still#i do hope that it being a spiritual successor doesn't mean yo-kai watch is over. i doubt that it will since like#punipuni still gets semi-frequent updates
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...the "nothing happened" scene has caused my brain to latch on to zoro with a vice grip. send help.
#this pathetic commited hard shell hiding inner softness little cunt! i hate him i hate him so much im so mad im so fucking just. just.#he does not believe in anything above his goals. until he believes in his crew that is. and people are fragile things and they mean#SO much to him it makes me sick he makes me sick fucking moss-head little bitch.#& like the way it recontextualizes zoro's priorities makes his behaviour in the previous saga hit so much harder... losing my mind.#absolutley losing my mind.#... fuck i think i'm a little in love with him.#AND HE DIDN'T LET SANJI DO IT! HE COULD HAVE! you could bring up honour but zoro only cares about that as a SWORDSMAN.#& like tbh thematically speaking it's reductive to say it pertains to whether sanji would be “strong enough” especially when considering ho#much op decries needlessly given sacrifice wholesale. it wasn't about that. these are people zoro cares about & he doesn't want to lose#them. he won't sellout luffy for the crew & he won't let anyone else make that choice & he won't let luffy know he did it. he's#committed to being the world's greatest swordsman but first & foremost he is committed to his CREW. to the group of strays he loves!#& just the throughlines of fear & commitment w zoro... & the forced question of what is strength when faced with the loss of those you love#hands are fucking shaking absolutley fucking losing my mind.#this stupid fucking lug of meat.#HE MADE ME FUCKING CRY.#oh god the way it reframes him swearing to luffy to never lose again after the duel w mihawk... the subtle character development. cryin..#roronoa zoro#grey's one piece tag
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You know I have a cousin who is a trans woman who is visibly and openly trans online, and because she is my family member and I have known her all my life I think I can say on good authority that she is nothing close to a faultless person. I actually had a lot of problems with her growing up and she still often posts inappropriate and objectionable things online that perhaps make her a bigger target than just the fact that she is trans by itself. And I like know that she's quite an easy target and I see herself put herself online in ways that make me worried and concerned for the kinds of comments she gets. She has people scroll her public Facebook page and on any post, especially if it mentions being trans or queer, whether it is innocuous or not, she'll get all these laugh reacts, because Facebook transphobes are evil. But it also feels like, I just wish she'd stop posting like she does. This is not blaming her, and I know transphobes seek her out whether they at first find her saying something respectable or not. It's not fair at all. But I do very much see that she cannot resist feeding the trolls and it's just hard to fucking watch
#she goes through cycles of using and not using social media#i wish she would just use the block button like girl stop trying to justify yourself to everyone#THESE PEOPLE HATE YOU AND WILL NOT RESPECT YOU NO MATTER HOW YOU RESPOND#it's maddening to see specifically happening to a family member. it's never ok to witness#but that's not just any trans woman that's my cousin. i KNOW she has other issues to deal with#and i KNOW so much about her life and issues that i know this online hate isn't even the top of the list#but it can't be helping in fact i know it's not#these cyberbullies don't think of the ppl they attack as being human or having families at all#they don't give 2 shits about cruelty#i feel helpless to defend her#tales from diana#also sometimes she does say shit i straight up won't defend but she doesn't deserve abuse over#for instance she is actually very pro-life. which is a stance i find to be bigoted no matter who it's from#plenty of cis women i have no problem calling misogynists for wanting to outlaw abortion. it's fundamentally wrong#idk why she feels the need to speak on things like that since it does her no favors and makes her a bigger target#i mean obviously it will never affect her since she can't give birth. it is very much like stay in your lane#whether or not you have a uterus it's nobody's right to tell someone else they shouldn't have full legal possession of their own body.#there's really no need to be a transphobe about it to her. but of course they ARE#as well as any other vulnerable/personal information or opinionated stance she gives out#i feel so sorry for her
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Garak seeing Palandine again, with her daughter, is fucking agonizing but this especially-
“Watching Palandine and her daughter defy gravity with their dance of love destroyed all my definitions, and my carefully maintained boundaries began to give way, for the first time since Bamarren, to the magic of limitless possibility. I knew at that moment that I’d never be satisfied again. Even my beloved orchids looked like weeds.”
has me in shambles
#star trek: ds9#a stitch in time#elim garak#fuuuuuck me dude this is painful#and my god does it fucking track with what we know of Garak from the show#Garak knows he is never going to be satisfied#he knows there's no point in wanting or longing#but he's not strong enough to stop himself from wanting#from longing#from craving#and it will be the same later in life#when he knows he doesnt deserve the soft things#the nice things#he still won't be able to deny himself those things#he just isnt strong enough to not go for what he wants#whether or not it will satisfy him#whether or not he deserves it#we see it in his conversations with Julian throughout this book#Garak fully says that their relationship is over- he believes that Julian ended it#but he still goes to him when Julian asks him to#because he wants Julian- and you can take that in any context you want#platonically romantically sexually#he wants Julian#so even though he believes their relationship is over#he still goes#because he wants him#and he cant stop himself from going after what he wants#even if he thinks its futile
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I can't sleep again.
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#лёва паспрабуе АДК#it's not about that. i'm just tired.#(stayed up too late for the first time in a while)#well... it compounded the issues.#i look like some guy with my blurry vision and yet its not enough and i dont know WHY#i do know why. have you ever not been seen?#flipped the coin from independence within my grasp to nothing is ever going to get me out of here#not even 'getting out of there' got me out#i can't wait for guard season again but i'm worried it's only going to put me right back into the depression mines#... seasonal depression notwithstanding#i need to make a choice at auditions and its whether i will be out; as me - and hopefully have a better season because of it#or just... stay like this. forever.#... my consult is right before second auditions pretty much. schedule that month is looking full..#anyways its not fair of me to expect anyone to check in on me#especially when one of my housemates seems to ... Also be going through it#and i can tell you now which of us is actually likely to talk about it and its NOT me#i'm not built for this idk. i never should have taken her up on that job offer.#...... i'm thinking about relapsing again. more seriously considering it.#i KNOW it's not good i KNOW it won't help but i dont know what fucking else will!!!!#remember when it felt like i was getting hobbies again?? so much for that..#.. i need to pull life into my *own* control but i need help to get there#and i can't even imagine being fully independent#... even if i'm taking all the right steps to get there#the MOST annoying revelation was that i could Maybe Actually benefit from therapy and the second most was that if i tell her this there is#almost no way any therapist she finds will be queer friendly#going to dig myself out of it. as always. mostly just not pushing myself right now but GOD does it suck.
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So weird that more kids shows don't have aromantic representation? All they have to do is this:
A: Hey, who do you have a crush on?
B: Oh! Uh, no one. I'm aromantic
C: Ooooh! Is that why you're always wearing that scented perfume?
A & B:... Huh?
C: Y'know, cause you don't have a smell! Aromatic!
A: *facepalm* You idiot, they said Aromantic not aromatic
C: What does that mean?
B: I don't get crushes
C:... So it's not why you wear that perfume?
#aromantic#i know thats not covering the full spectrum at all#but with a kids show#you can't expect it to dive into every detail#not usually#so that can just be a short and sweet interaction#kids will go “oh hey#look! another thing that people do.“#and kids who've never had a crush won't have to feel isolated#whether they end up aromantic or not#aromantism#aro pride#idk#just went “heh heh those words are similar. that sounds like something the comedic relief would make a joke of”
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making an enstars solo tier list and i'm trying not to be biased but,, it's not my fault that my fav characters have the best solos
#kuu.txt#sorry sorry i saw the polls#i won't let my fav solos die so soon#no no no. never#you will perceive riot wolf whether you want it or not#also excuse me but bday of music is. SO good#it's the earworm that keeps me awake at night <3#but ofc you know what song i'm most offended for#ONE DAY I'LL MAKE AN ANALYSIS ON THE LYRICS. one day
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"Because he’s going to have to show his face now." Why? It's over. He's not going to get involved in a PR war with her because he just can't win. He won't do anything.
it's not a PR war at all, it's just a good business move to show people you're doing fine and unaffected by whatever's happening even if it's not true. it's not even about her anymore, it's just about gaining the favour of the public. like i said, standard practice.
#and maybe he won't! i don't know him or his team and what they're planning to do#but it seems to me you guys want him to never show his face in public ever again and live in obscurity which is an unreasonable thing#to expect because whether you like it or not he's also a public figure and will continue to be whether he's taylor's boyfriend or not
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gotta be honest gamers i really don't see how this whole trip is gonna work or how i'm supposed to enjoy it but okay i guess
#personal#vent#i am so so so so stressed.#we're supposed be going TOMORROW. found out today that mum hasn't told me what train we're getting (so i could book passenger assistance)#(i can't book until we know)#because she hasn't BOUGHT THE FUCKING TICKETS.#during the EASTER BREAK.#on a trip that only runs like 3 times a day? are you fucking stupid. are you actually an idiot. do you genuinely think#we're gettingo n that train?#never mind Everything else. never mind trying to get my Disabled Ass onto a train with minimal warning or the horrific#ongoing debate about whether i'm Allowed to take the walker or if i'll have to bs it with crutches#never mind how i'll get my bag Anywhere#fuck me.#fuck me!!!#she hasn't packed for herself or my younger sibling. she's been working full time and shit like i get it#a lot is happening#but OH MY GOD ?#just Don't Fucking GO at that point#holy shit#and don't fucking subject me to this will we won't we Bullshit
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