#and yes this is directly in response to the previous post

[artzybumpkin]

Upon further searching, I've realized there's a severe lack of (in his prime) S/tanley P/ines preg content....

Might have to fix that soon✏️

[fiercynn]

okay, if you have ever made or reblogged a “hold your nose and vote for biden” post, this is for you.

here’s the fucking thing about these kinds of posts. i've been seeing them since i first returned to tumblr in, I think, late 2022? they've certainly increased in frequency since october 7, but they were there before too, ready to counter any kind of opposition to biden that has cropped up. many of them are not just trying to educate people about what positive things biden has done, which, like, at least I can understand the motivation behind those ones? but so many of them are directly in response to people criticizing biden, and their only real point is “sure you’re upset at this thing biden did, but have you considered the election?” starting YEARS before the next presidential election, mind you.

and october 7 only made that clearer. i don’t think it had been a week before i saw these posts cropping up. can you not see how fucking ghoulish that is? to look at the rightful pain and anger of those whose relatives and communities are being slaughtered with active american support, to respond to one of the few pieces of agency most americans have in influencing what their governments do – their vote – by saying “yes but trump would be worse.” as if the primary people you’re lecturing – palestinians, muslims, arabs, black people, indigenous people, disabled people, other marginalized people – don’t remember exactly how bad it was under trump!

and even if you think not voting is an empty gesture – something i, who studied political science at a mainstream american lib college, who has worked as a field organizer on a previous democratic presidential campaign and for several policy campaigns, who currently works in public policy in america, used to believe, but have absolutely changed my mind on – what is in no way an empty gesture is saying publicly that you will not vote for someone. the arguments people usually have about why simply not voting is bad are that you can’t tell why someone is not voting, so it is as likely to be apathy or disenfranchisement as it is a political statement. but saying publicly that you will not vote for someone, and why you will not vote for them, absolutely is a political statement, and potentially a powerful one! but you choose to negate and/or ignore that by trotting out the “lesser of two evils” bullshit.

and then there’s the whole “yes but people will DIE under trump”. PEOPLE ARE DYING NOW. even if you’re fucking racist and have decided that palestinian lives don’t count, have you forgotten biden’s ongoing covid minimalism and dismantling of the CDC’s covid research and prevention infrastructure? have you forgotten his increase in spending for law enforcement scant years after the murder of george floyd and his administration's surveillance of protesters, including cop city protesters? have you forgotten his recent ramp-up in deportations of undocumented immigrants, including the active continuation of many trump-era policies?

maybe you have forgotten all those things and do purport to care about palestinians, but you just think that biden is doing his best to influence netanyahu and is getting nowhere! but then you must have forgotten all of the things that biden and his administration themselves have done to further this fucking genocide, including:

continuing to send arms to israel

putting together a military task force within days of yemen’s red sea blockade and attacking yemeni ships

bombing yemen

bombing syria

bombing iraq

vetoing three ceasefire resolutions at the united nations

testifying to defend israel and its genocide and occupation at the international court of justice

refusing to rescue palestinian-americans stuck in gaza

halting funding to the united nations relief and works agency for palestinian refugees (UNRWA) based on israeli claims that 12 of UNRWA’s over 30,000 staff were hamas agents, even though u.s. intelligence has not been able to independently verify this

lying that he’s personally seen photos of babies beheaded by hamas when he hadn’t because they didn’t exist (and even when his own staff cautioned him that reports of beheaded babies may not be credible)

questioning the number of palestinian deaths reported by the gaza ministry of health (when even israel has not questioned them, since they are in fact proud of those numbers)

perpetuating lies about hamas having committed the attack on al-aqsa hospital

questioning united nations reports of adults and children raped by israeli soldiers while claiming to have proof (that no one else has seen) of hamas doing the same

honestly so many more things that i can’t remember them all but others feel free to add

or maybe you haven’t forgotten any of that, and think that you’re still justified in lecturing people about why they should vote for biden, because you genuinely believe trump would still be worse. if that is the case, you have still failed to see that by saying you will vote for biden no matter what, you are part of the problem of biden continuing to act like this. because biden is counting on fear of trump to win him this next election no matter what else he does. despite his appalling polling numbers, despite the knowledge that he is losing the palestinian-american vote, the arab-american vote, the muslim-american vote, the black american vote, the youth vote – despite all of that, he is secure in the idea that he will still win because he is better than trump. can you not see how that allows him to act without impunity? how it becomes increasingly impossible for his base to influence what he’s doing if he thinks that they will be with him no matter what? this is how you make yourself complicit to biden’s actions, by not affording anyone even the slightest power to hold him accountable for anything.

and in most cases, the “hold your nose and vote for biden” thing is the response of people who aren’t even being instructed by others not to vote for biden. it is their response to people saying they themselves are choosing not to vote for biden. fucking ghoulish.

[wh0reforcoriolanussnow]

Guilty || Billy the Kid x oc!reader

Summary: For the longest time you've felt like you have always been second to your older sister, Dulcinea. That however, soon changes when an outlaw, William H. Bonney—known to many as Billy the Kid—comes to town.

Warnings: smut!

Wc: 2,930

A/n: please send through more requests for Billy please! also the smut scene is lowkey inspired by the bathroom scene in euphoria season 2 with nate and cassie....

Divider by @pommecita

"I'm Billy. I just wanted to introduce myself," You hear a man spoke as you near the door. Your sister lets out a small scoff, "Well that is not a very good reason to ambush someone in the street," Dulcinea quipped.

"You have another motive," You hear your sister say as you press yourself against the door to listen more closely to the conversation. "I'd like to see you again," At his words, your eyes widen. Who was this mysterious man? "Why?" And there was a gap of silence.

You stepped out from your previous spot as all eyes were now on you. "Are we ready to go?" You ask your sister as she gives one final look to the man named Billy. You take your chance to look the man up and down.

He was a very good-looking cowboy. Your eyes roam around his body before you snap out of it as your name was called out, "Sofía, let's go” Billy watches you, his lips parting as he drinks in your appearance, he put two and two together and figured you were Dulcinea's sister.

You looked very similar to Dulcinea, more prettier perhaps in his opinion. Billy tips his hat slightly to you as you give him a small smile before walking towards the carriage. Dulcinea stares at you as you sit beside her, she slams the door shut and the carriage begins to move.

You couldn't help but look back to where Billy still stood. "Don't even think about it," Your sister firmly says as you roll your eyes. She was directly telling you to back off with Billy. Something that she has always done with every guy you and her have come across.

While Dulcinea was looking away, you sneaked a look and found Billy looking straight at you. Your cheeks begin to warm up as you send him a little wave to which he smiles before mounting his horse.

The next day, you decided to accompany your maid into town to buy a few things. You were secretly hoping to see that man again, Billy was his name. He looked unfamiliar to you, so you wanted to find out more about him.

"Isabel, have you heard of a Billy here?" You ask her as you inspect an apple in your hand. There was no response from the older woman. Isabel continued to look through the assortments of fruits laid out in front. "Isabel." You put the apple down as she sighs.

"Yes. I know of a Billy. And you should stay away from him, he is bad news, mi hija." She shakes her head whilst muttering incoherent words under her breath. Your eyes suddenly begin to look around, hopeful that you would get a glimpse of him. And you did.

He was across the street, tying his horse to the post. "I'll be back," You didn't bother waiting for a response before you pick up the fabrics of your dress and walk across the street.

You stop when you see your family carriage pull up in front of him, your view of him blocked. You furrow your eyes in confusion as to who else came into town. Mother and father were away and only you and Isabel left the house this morning, which meant that it was your sister.

What was she doing here? Dulcinea said she had no interest coming into town today saying she was too busy. Just as quickly as the carriage came, it quickly left. Billy's eyes were glued onto the carriage before his eyes begin to wander around, eventually landing on you.

You probably looked strange just standing in the middle of the streets, staring at him. Billy freezes slightly, his eyes looking you up and down. A smile makes it onto his face before he tips his hat at you once again.

"Sofía!" You move your attention away from Billy and see a friend of yours, Lucía, walking your direction, a huge grin plastered on her face. "What are you doing here?" She gives you a funny look as you clear your throat, your eyes flickering to where Billy was, only to find his figure disappearing into the building.

"I'm shopping, with Isabel." You give her a smile. "And where is she?" Lucía looks around as she links arms with you. "Right this way," You say as you walk with her. "Do you know of a man named Billy?" You suddenly ask her.

She would know. She knows basically everything about everyone in town. "Billy?" She says to herself, "I've heard of that name, can you tell me what he looks like?" Lucía looks at you.

"Well he's tall. Very tall. He looks like he's my sister's age. Brown hair, blue eyes and- oh- very good looking," You jokingly fan yourself as Lucía laughs, you joining along.

You stop in your tracks when you see Billy mounting his horse. You quickly nudge Lucía, "Look! There he is, that's the man I was telling you about," You cock your head over to where Billy was. Lucía's mouth hangs open, her eyes moving from him to you. "What?" You raise an eyebrow at her weird behaviour.

"You're talking about Billy? That Billy?!" Her voice begins to become louder as you slap your hand over her mouth. "Shh! He can probably hear you," You whisper yell at her as the two of you watch Billy ride off.

"So you know him?" You ask your friend as she gives you the 'really' look. "Of course I know him! Everyone in this county knows about him, except for you apparently," Lucía shakes her head. "What? Why? Who is he?"

Confusion was etched into your face as Lucía facepalms herself. "Sofía, haven't you heard of Billy the Kid? The famous outlaw that has been travelling from town to town? Surely you have heard of him, mi amiga."

Now that you thought about it, his name was familiar to you. You recall your parents talking him at home, but it never clicked in your head that that was the Billy they were talking about. "Yeah, I have," You kick a rock infront of you, your eyes watching where it lands. "Why do you wanna know about him anyways?" She asks you as you shrug.

"Dulcinea was talking to him last night, just got curious, that's all." Lucía didn’t buy it one bit but chose to leave it alone. “You’re not wrong you know,” She breaks the silence as you turn your head to her, a puzzled look on your face.

“About Billy being attractive,” She cracks a shy smile before you nudge her and the two of you start laughing out loud. “Sofía! I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Come on, hurry up.” The old woman scolds you, pushing you towards your carriage as Lucía chuckles, waving you goodbye.

~

You couldn't stop thinking about him. How could you not? The fact that he was a notorious outlaw further fueled the fire that was ablaze in the lower pit of your stomach. A sudden knock at the front door of your house made you pause your train of thoughts.

You were slightly confused at the idea of a visitor today. Mother and father were gone and you weren't expecting anyone over. You stand still in your spot before you hear footsteps leaving Dulcinea's room. Quickly walking out of your room, you grab ahold of your older sister's arm.

"Who's here?" You ask her and a smile you knew all to well crept onto her face. "Billy. Remember that guy you saw a two nights ago? I invited him over," She says nonchalantly. Your eyebrows crease in bewilderment.

"You know who exactly he is right, Dulcie?" Her nickname slips out of your mouth as she faces you front on, arms crossed. "Yes, I do, Sof," She points her chin up the tiniest bit, something she did whenever she was questioned.

"Then what the hell is he doing on our doorstep? Father would kill you if he ever found out that an outlaw stepped foot into our house-" "Which is why you will keep quiet." Dulcinea interrupts you, her tone sharp. You could see it in her eyes, rage brewing.

You loudly scoff, examining her features. "You know father would never allow it, plus, you already have someone you’re forced to marry soon," You narrow your eyes at her as she rolls hers. "Oh please, father will come around. Billy is not what people perceive him to be. I think father will like him," Is all she says as she turns around, making her way to the front door.

You exhale from your mouth before you make your way back to your room. You were dying to see Billy, but knowing Dulcinea, she would not let you be in the same room with him because you knew she liked him. And whoever Dulcinea liked, was off-limits to you, her innocent, little sister.

For the next couple of hours, you entertained yourself in your room. It was late at night when you figured that Billy had already left. You walked out of your bedroom, turning the corner before you collide with somebody.

You lose balance and readied yourself for the harsh impact but you were pulled back up by your forearms. "Fuck- I'm so sorry, sweetheart-" "It's fine. It's fine." You screw your eyes shut knowing whose voice it belonged to as you blew a loose strand of hair out of your face.

"What are you doing?" You ask him, your eyes looking around for any sign of your sister. "I- uh was 'bout to leave," Your lips form an 'o' before you slowly nod your head, silence following.

Your eyes were on everything but him. And his eyes were on you, studying your features that were similar to Dulcinea in some ways. "You're real pretty aren't cha, doll?" Your eyes snap to his after the pet name he just gave you, your mind slightly going blank before you process his comment.

"Am I?" Your voice dripped with playfulness as you tilt your head at him. You knew damn well Dulcinea could walk this way at any moment and see the two of you; she would let hell loose. "Mhm, prettier than your sister, I'd say. But don't go telling her I told you that." He winks as you furiously blush.

Your eyes falter down to your dress as you adjust the skirts of it slightly. "Y'know, I actually wanted to talk to you when I saw you in town earlier today," Billy's words make you look up at him.

"Really? Why didn't you?" You tilt your head at him as he kisses his teeth before opening his mouth, "Your sister, had me occupied for a bit and when I saw you, you were talkin' to someone else." He shrugs as you slowly nod.

"Well, I'm right here. What did you wanna talk about, Billy?" Your voice all of sudden was quiet. Billy smiled in satisfaction at his effect. "You uh- married?" He steps closer to you as he slightly cranes his neck to study your features.

You gulp. "N-no," You shake your head. He slowly nods his head, tucking his hands in his pockets. "You seein' anyone?" He asks, though his tone had a tinge of possessiveness in it. "No." Billy stares at you, his mind all over the place.

You were only 2 years younger than him but surely such a pretty, respectable, young lady like yourself would be married off to someone already, or seeing someone at least. "Good," He mutters as you couldn't help but smile. "Why's that, Mr. Bonney?" He looks around before he does something that catches you off guard. He grabbed your jaw and kisses your lips. Hard. You take a second to process what was happening.

He was kissing your so feverishly as if you were going to disappear. You stumble back at his rough force before he leads you down the hallway, his lips never leaving yours for a second. "The door on the left," You manage to say in between the kisses as he pulls you into your room.

Hands frantic, Billy skillfully undid the laces of your dress yanking it down to expose your chest as he wets his lips at the sight. He barely got your dress off before his hand grabbed your thigh and wrapped it around his waist.

He pushed you back against the door as you gasp, his mouth latching on to your nipples, your head thrown back at the sensation. Your hands toyed with Billy's hair as you tried containing your moans knowing your sister was still in the house.

"Don't keep quiet darlin'" He says against your skin before you feel him ripping your underwear. Your jaw dropped but you soon let out a loud moan as he slid into you. He groans against your neck, allowing you to adjust at the size, and when you do, he pumps into you at an almost inhumane speed.

You let out quiet moans as Billy grunts. Your hair was all messed up from being pushed up against the wooden door. "Oh my- Billy-" You breathed out, pushing him further into you with the heels of your foot around his waist.

""Fuckkk, feel so good baby" He grunts in you ear as you couldn't help but smile. A sudden knock on the door made you gasp in terror. Billy slapped his hand over your mouth at lightning speed to shut you up. "Sofía?" Dulcinea calls out from behind the door, another knock.

You stare wide eyed at Billy who quietly curses. "Sofía, are you in there?" Your sisters calls out for the second time as you panic. "Y-yeah?" Your voice was shaky. If Dulcinea found out that you fucked Billy, it would be over for you.

Although you were more free to do things than your older sister, you don't think your parents would be too happy to know their youngest daughter had sex with an outlaw, in their house. And you don't think Dulcinea would ever forgive you. She must be serious with Billy since she invited him over, something she never did with any of the previous guys.

"Why is the door lock?" The door handle rattles as you shut your eyes, feeling the tears coming. "Uh just a s-second! I'm changing!" You call out to her. Billy gently lets you down, zipping his pants as you attempt to tidy your appearance but fail miserably when the laces on your dress become tangled.

"Billy! Help me!" You whisper yell as tears were brimming your eyes. Billy's features soften when he sees you, quickly untangling the lace. In a matter of seconds, it was undone. He cupped your face in his big hands, your cheeks wet from tears.

"Shh, don't cry, sweetheart," He hushed, wiping your tears as you cover your mouth to quieten the sob that escapes. "She's my sister, she'll kill me!" Your voice was shaky as he pulls you into his chest, his hand in your hair.

"Sofía!" Dulcinea yells out, banging on the door as you flinch. You pull back from Billy as your eyes look around your room for a place to hide Billy. Settling on the panel room divider you push him behind it, "Wait here until she leaves, then you can sneak out of the window." You quickly say as he nods.

Before you turn back around, he grabs your hand. "Hey- it's okay," He assures you, his hand caressing your cheek as you slowly nod. "Finally!" Dulcinea exclaims as you didn't dare to make eye contact with her. She takes in your appearance.

"You okay? You look like you just ran a marathon," She raises an eyebrow as she touches your forehead but you pull back, a confused expression on her face.

"I'm fine, I just don't feel well." You gulp, tucking the loose strands of hair behind your ears, clearing your throat. "Right... Go tell Isabel and she'll give you something." Dulcinea says, you could tell she wasn't fully buying it.

"What did you want me for?" You finally meet her sharp eyes, "Oh. Have you seen Billy around? His horse is still outside and he was supposed to leave about an hour ago," She folds her arms, leaning against your door as her eyes wander around your room.

You clear your throat, slightly moving in front of her to block her view. "No, I haven't seen him. He probably went to take a look at the other horses in the stable," You lie through your teeth as your sister stares at you suspiciously.

"Okay," She says as you discreetly let out a sigh of relief. She gives you one final look before pushing herself off of the frame and walks down the hallway. You shut your door, locking it just as Billy comes up to you making you jump.

"I think you should go," You say to him. His hands rest on your shoulders, "I wanna see you again," He says softly, lifting your chin up to look him in the eyes. "Me too," You smile before he leans down to place a final kiss on your lips.

"What about tomorrow? Come see me in town," He suggests as you open your window. "I'd like that," You both smile at each other as he readies himself to leave. Just as he leaves through your window, he tips his hat at you. "Bye, Sofía," "Bye Billy," You chuckle lightly before he leaves and you shut your window.

[bluegiragi]

I hate to ask this cause it feels stupid but I dont wanna do a bunch of research on whatever the recent cod mw fandom discourse is,

but I saw the reblog of someone accusing you of supporting people who write sexualized pedophilia and that really is personally my only """"moral"""" with nsfw shit, (I'm a patreon subscriber and ig I just wanna know where my money's going) is THAT true?

i used to follow an artist who, 5-6 months ago made racist art featuring gaz and soap in a slave context, which I didn't like, retweet or interact with in any way. they also made under-age art of ghost soap, which I also didn't interact with . people on twitter called me out yesterday, for retweeting (months before this incident) other art they'd made as evidence I stood by/encouraged/was an avid fan of all these tropes. The art I retweeted wasn't either of these previous examples of art, but one where ghost and soap were sleeping in a bed together, as adults, peacefully. I can't emphasise enough that I have not interacted with this artist at all, for over six months. The callout in question has framed me as a close friend of theirs when, in truth, our total timeline of interactions could probably be counted on one hand, and I haven't interacted with her in so long that I genuinely forgot I was still following her.

The crux of all is this is that I did not unfollow + block this artist earlier on when the racist art was posted months ago, and then I retweeted a fic tagged with "non-con" (ghost gets soap off in a context where he can't really properly consent, they're in front of a crowd of strangers and they have to fuck, but both parties are into each other) written by a friend as I wanted to support their writing.

The pedophile claims are because I retweeted a fandom bingo post that defended loli-con without reading all the squares properly, and then immediately un-retweeted it when I properly read it. All in all, the post was on my account for maybe a few minutes.

The zoophile claims are because people say i support someone who wrote zoophilic fic and called people slurs, and I genuinely don't know who they're talking about there.

The anti-asian racism claims come from the original accusers in the callout thread thinking that I made Horangi's eyes in the monster!AU sensitive as a way of making fun of Asian eyes. The real reason is because he's a cat hybrid in that AU and cats are sensitive to light.

I tried addressing all this in a casual way earlier on in a misguided attempt to sort things out more 'civilly', and responded to an ask talking about my "support" for the artist who drew the slave Gaz art by saying the fanart in question was tone deaf and in poor taste. It wasn't enough for some people, so I'm happy to say it clearly- yes, it was racist, and the reason why I didn't want to be more aggressive is because I didn't want to extend all this mess by throwing this artist directly to the wolves - I genuinely believed them at the time when they said that wasn't that their intention, and think they should've deleted the post at the time, but not unfollowing was a decision that I made. I know now upon reflection that it was naive of me, unwarranted and frankly irresponsible to take a stranger at face value and believe they had good intentions, when the act of not deleting the post in question was evidence of a lack in remorse. In the moment, I'd thought back to my own personal experience with a friend of mine who used an asian slur in my company, who later sincerely apologised and legitimately cleaned up his act after I gave him a second chance. It informed my choice to not unfollow at the time, but there's a difference between someone you know irl for months and a stranger on the internet you've interacted with a few times. I shouldn't have coddled them in my response, and I'm sorry for not treating it with the severity it deserved. It was callous, and stupid, and indicative of internal biases that I ever thought it was a light enough offence to "see through", and I deeply deeply apologise. I promise from the bottom of my heart to do better.

That's everything so far. I didn't unfollow an artist when I absolutely should've, which i'll always strongly regret. I also retweeted a properly-tagged fic on my clearly 18+ nsfw account. I've undone both of those actions now. I hope this can be the end of it.

[anim-ttrpgs]

you mentioned in a previous post that an important mechanic of eureka was the concealment of a character's supernatural identity from the rest of the characters.

is this intended to be a player secret or a character secret, and do you think there is a substantial difference in gameplay?

Hoo boy this is probably going to be a long answer.

Well the short version is it’s both a character secret and a player secret, and yes there is a substantial difference between that and it just being a character secret.

In Eureka, there’s a big difference between player and PC, and thus is built into a whole lot of the game’s design. You are not your character, your character is not you. They’re a character whose actions you narrate. At the same time, since it’s a mystery-solving game, and a very “trad” “challenge game”, PC knowledge and player knowledge are kept closely aligned. When possible, you’re not supposed to know anything that your character doesn’t know, so that you can’t give them an unearned advantage in solving the mystery. (In Eureka, failure to solve the mystery is a valid outcome.)

One reason this applies to both mystery stuff and the other PCs is because Eureka encourages a very different kind of inter-party dynamic than most RPGs. PCs do not have to cooperate just because they’re all PCs. In the game world, they’re just some guys who have ended up following the same trail of clues, working together is optional, and even though they usually will end up working together, this leads to much more organic interactions between the characters. Groups of people in real life and groups of characters in fiction don’t just cooperate for no reason, and in a lot of fiction it’s most interesting when they don’t always cooperate at all.

And when the game is played like this, it could really go anywhere. The party might expertly find every clue and solve the mystery right away (awesome), or they might turn on each other, splitting into factions working against each other, or just out right fighting (awesome)

They might even be working against each other from the start. In Eureka, a PC can be in on whatever plot the party is trying to stop, and, monster or not, they may even be directly responsible. If that’s the case, then it would spoil the mystery for other players to see their character sheet. But, it would be really suspicious if only one PC’s sheet was hidden, so therefore every PC’s character sheet is always hidden, so you never know if there’s a traitor or not.

This has the added benefit of you as a player getting to know the other players’ PCs like you would a character from any other type of fiction, they reveal who they are through their actions, not through objective information you read on a sheet.

[dont share character sheets]

And when one of them turns out to have been a werewolf the whole time, you’re either going to have an “I knew it!” moment or “What?!” moment when they get revealed, which you wouldn’t have had if somebody had just told you that before the game even started.

On the flip-side, when you’re playing a monster, you get to participate in foreshadowing. Dropping little hints through your description, watching obvious signs of vampirism fly right over other players’ and PCs’ heads, getting to make the shocking reveal, it’s a whole different gameplay experience in more than just pure mechanics.

And like I said before, all character sheets have to be secret because if they weren’t, then whenever a character sheet is secret, you’d always know that’s the monster.

(the art you see here is from team artists @qsycomplainsalot, @chaospyromancy, and @theblackwarden)

[notmeowse]

Solavellan ending and why I hate it

Major Veilguard endgame spoilers under the cut.

I beat the game two days ago and I haven't been able to stop thinking about that ending. I'm not going to get into the rest of the game's flaws. They've been covered at length. But all of those issues aside, the one perfect, untouchable thing I thought I had left as the game drew to a close was the Solavellan ending. After all, Trick wrote the original Solavellan romance and the incredible continuation of it in Trespasser. As lead writer, they were directly responsible for making it happen. I thought we had this in the bag.

So on one hand, my favorite Dragon Age romance finally reunited and disintegrated off into the sunset.

On the other hand, he did not choose her.

This is what ruined it for me. I know a lot of people have issues with her sacrificing her life to join him in the Fade, but that was really a secondary issue for me.

What was the point of their entire relationship if, in the end, when it REALLY counted, he was never going to choose Lavellan over tearing down the Veil? Why did it take Mythal, who he actually killed in the last game in order to take her power, to convince him? Where's the romance in that?

This literally just turned into the story of Lavellan and the elven god who did not love her enough.

Okay, yes, the gamified reason it takes Mythal to convince him is because Lavellan was tacked onto an existing avenue of dealing with Solas rather than being given her own separate option, right? At the end of the game you have the choice to either fight him, trick him, or (if the Mythal-related criteria is met) invoke the essence of Mythal contained in the statue. No Bring Out The Big Guns, Lavellan option.

In my opinion, she should have been the fourth option, only available to players that have an Inquisitor that romanced Solas and encouraged Lavellan to reunite with him mid-game. It would have required about as much effort to do this as it did to have him turn her down once again (which, I maintain defeats the entire purpose of the story being told here). That would have been the absolute easiest fix to this fucking mess.

I understand why Lavellan wasn't counted among his regrets and therefore wasn't in the Lighthouse murals (because he doesn't actually regret falling in love with her) and I acknowledge that getting real closure from Mythal is important to Solas's story, and that it did have its place in that ending scene. Whether she was a lover or a mother to him isn't really the issue here -- it's the fact that she holds sway over him where Lavellan apparently does not. Despite the fact that, again, he killed Mythal in the previous game, despite the fact that he couldn't bring himself to kill the Inquisitor for the anchor, despite the fact that Lavellan was the one single thing in the world that made him really want to walk away from his plans.

(Why wasn't the "I release you from my service" a conversation had between him and Flemythal back in Inquisition? And why is that essence of Flemythal (who now exists in Morrigan) suddenly so chill and pro-Veil? Do we not remember the reckoning that will shake the very heavens? The She was betrayed as I was betrayed, as the world was betrayed? I will see her avenged? No payoff? None? There's so much wrong and bad writing to unpack there, but this is still a Solavellan post.)

Back to him wanting to turn away from his grand plan. The fundamental difference between Mythal and Lavellan, in my opinion, is the way each of them saw him. Mythal asked him to change for her, to leave the Fade, to commit atrocities with her out of love and service. Lavellan only ever loved him as a man, never once asking him to change for her, never asking him to be anything other than himself. In the time they were together, he was able to be the person he wanted to be. It took a very specific set of circumstances and a very specific person that had to fall into place for that romance to happen, which is arguably what made her so special, and what made their time together even more so. It followed, especially with what we know now, that he would want to drop his grand plan to be with her.

In comes Veilguard, which introduced a parallel between Solas/Mythal and Solavellan. In the second memory, we discover that Mythal never once chose Solas over her duty to elvhenan (even when he begged her to lay it down and run away with him) and dragged him along with her to commit unspeakable atrocities (in her words, she broke him). Solas (at that point in the game, when we were witnessing the memories) had yet to choose Lavellan over his crusade, but quite literally loved her too much to bring her along with him. He would not let her do that to herself, he would not do to her what Mythal did to him.

Here's where I feel like I'm losing my mind, because I thought the point of that mural was to foreshadow him eventually choosing Lavellan, as he is very much not Mythal, and is very much looking for a reason to lay it down, to be proven wrong. I also thought the blurb in the Inquisitor character creation menu (who did you romance) was foreshadowing it, as well as the mid-game choice Rook can make to encourage her to reunite with him and change his heart.

So why didn't it happen? I can only assume because they didn't actually want to have any of our choices carry over, let alone the Solavellan option (which they should have realized from the start was a bad call and also fucking impossible to manage given that the game is a direct sequel to Inquisition). The fact that Lavellan is tacked onto an already existing scene rather than being given her own is evidence of this. However, even if she had to be tacked onto the Mythal scene and not given her own, a simple reordering of the events would have fixed the fucking ending. So it could have gone two (very easily manageable and not too much extra) ways:

Remove the part where he turns her down. Remove the entire thing. Morrimythal could have flown up to him before the Inquisitor even arrived on scene, we could have had our statue moment, and just when he thinks he's going to be all alone behind the Veil, Lavellan shows up, they reunite, and she goes with him. (Easiest way for Bioware to fix it imo)

Lav acts as the ace up our sleeve, a fourth option (and a second option to make him lay it down) instead of using the statue to redeem him. Mythal releases him from her service AFTER he chooses Lavellan, thereby releasing him from his guilt over her. I prefer this one. It should have been this. They could have walked away, they could have tied themselves to the Veil, either way works.

Now, I am among those that think the Veil should have come down, which would have rendered this entire thing moot, had it happened. But since Bioware is dead-set on maintaining the status quo in Thedas, it should have been this instead.

In writing this I wonder if I've been completely delusional over their relationship, but going by the reactions to this ending, it seems that what we got was not at all expected.

[pokemoncenter]

On RP Etiquette

While this post is mostly intended for the Pokemon IRL RP community, the basic rules and thrust of this post should apply just as well to all RP.

(Written with help from @wingsofachampion!)

On “Yes, And”

RP, when you get right down to it, is a form of improvisational theater. Comedy, drama, the exact genre doesn’t matter, but it’s still improv all the way down. And that means the golden rule of improv still applies.

“Yes, And” is the basic rule of improv. It means: ‘Accept what came before without just shutting it down’ (“yes”), and then build on it and continue to iterate on The Bit (“and”). Sometimes, ‘Yes, But’ works just as well. What’s important is that you build on what came before without simply shutting it all down.

“No, And” can also work well. What doesn’t work is a flat ‘no’.  Those are generally discouraged, because it shuts down the RP-  Where do you go when your contributions have simply been discarded and swept away like nothing? This isn’t to say you can’t ever refuse; keeping your boundaries is just as important in RP as it is in life. But RP is a collaborative sport, and you have to keep the other party in mind as well.

As Professor Oak says, there is a time and place for everything.

Building off the previous post in a constructive way, even if it is denying it, is what is important.

To use an example:

If Sophora says legendary Pokemon do not exist, a reply of “Really? But what about [a specific legendary]?” can be acceptable or fun. So can “Yeah, and neither do flying-types!” or something similarly ludicrous. But what is not fun, is when a reply is simply “[a picture of legendary Pokemon waving at the camera right now]”. 

Similarly, for those playing sapient Pokemon or humans-turned-Pokemon, the post could be “I hate having a tail!”, and the responses could fall into several categories. “Humans don’t have tails!” would be acceptable, or “the furry RPers are weird” would be… less so but still on the safe side of the line. “[picture of you as a human right now] STOP LYING” wouldn’t be. Because, it goes back to the same thing: How is your RP partner supposed to reply to that?

Which brings us to our next point.

On Thinking Two Replies Deep

When I reply in a post, one thing I always try to keep in mind is that I have some sort of ‘hook’ in my reply for the other person to reply to. If it’s just shutting someone down entirely, there’s no possible reply other than a ‘nuh-uh’ ‘yuh-huh’ chain that would be more at home on an elementary school playground. 

It is related to “yes, and”, but still distinct. The point of it is that when you reply, you be sure to consider how others can reply. You can think of a few ways people can reply, and then go even deeper, and try to predict entire conversational flows. This way, you’re prepared, and you have a constant supply of ‘hooks’- And that means you can keep the RP going, and not shut it down.

In my case, the most common cause of me stopping replying in an RP thread is simply that I do not have anything I feel I can reply to. I have no contributions, and so I do not contribute. If there’s no hook, I can’t reply. On the other hand, just because you have a hook, doesn’t mean the thread will go exactly how you think, and a lot of the fun in RP is seeing how things go differently from what you expected.

But it’s always best to try to think two replies deep- Never just consider your reply, but consider how others will reply to your reply. 

On Checking the Pinned Post

This one, I’m not sure needs to be said, but I will re-emphasize it anyway. If you’re going to be interacting with someone to build off them, please be sure you read their pinned post. So many times I get people who are directly contradicting everything in my pinned post and it’s difficult to deal with.

On Giving and Receiving Engagement

Many people do wonder why they aren’t getting engagement. The secret answer to that is not actually secret: People will interact with who they know. If you want engagement from others, you have to give engagement to others yourself. 

If you have a new blog, no one will really know anything or interact with it until you get out there and start interacting more. And even if you are a well-established blog, that can still dry up fast if you don’t keep it going. RP is a communal sport- You have to give in order to get. This is true for engagement, for interaction, and even for the replies I was talking about from the start- You can’t get replies if you don’t give hooks.

[xiouahh]

☆ numb ─ 02.　love

The moment I opened my dorm mailbox, a large pile of letters and presents tumbled out onto the floor. It was nothing new ─ Luckily, I had brought along a paper bag to put all of the letters and presents in. Gathering up the gifts and cards, I placed them carefully inside.

“ [name]? “ A familiar voice calls out, I look up to see a boy with platinum blonde hair, with a single orange-red streak running down one side. He’s towering over me as his gaze is fixed on mine.

I watched as his eyes scan the scattered notes and presents around me, and a soft chuckle escaped his lips. “ Ah, more letters to respond to? “ he says, crouching down to assist me in putting everything into the paper bag. I nod in response, smiling warmly at Kazuha.

As I gaze at the letters and presents scattered around me, I couldn’t help but wonder — wasn’t he also a popular figure, just like me? After all, he’s been quite helpful and always maintains good grades, which earned him a spot in the student council, too. Yet, despite his popularity, I noticed that he doesn’t have any gifts from his admirers to put down in a paper bag, just like mine.

I turn to Kazuha, who’s still helping me put all the cards and presents into my paper bag. " Do you have your letters and gifts stored somewhere as well? " I ask him, hoping that he isn’t feeling left out.

Fortunately, he responds with a smile, saying, " Yes, I’ve already kept them safe at my dorm. " His answer assures me that he’s just as well-loved as I am — even if his cards and gifts aren’t with him at this moment.

“ You have a lot of admirers, if I’m being honest, I think they even outnumber mine. And it leaves me wondering, not to be forward or anything, but are you not interested in taking a chance on any of them? " He asked, his gaze locked onto mine as I contemplated his suggestion.

"I don’t know.. Most— no, all of them only like me for my looks, can you believe that? It’s as if they don’t even see me past my appearance, and it’s so frustrating. " I said with a huff, shaking my head.

“ Ah, yes... I can see how you may feel that way. But believe me when I tell you that there is at least one person out there who loves you for who you truly are, regardless of your current struggles, or appearance. That person may be hiding behind all the noise in your life, but they exist, I assure you. "

He takes a moment to admire the last card in his hand. The image on the front is a sketch of a cat, rendered in deep purple ink. The creature’s expression is one of contentment, with its eyes closed and mouth pulled up into a contented little smile. He lets out a small chuckle as he looks at it, clearly pleased with the result.

" You’re an amazing person, [name]. You’re hardworking and responsible, surely one of your admirers will see it. "

I watched as he looked directly at me, then placed the final card in the paper bag before standing up. With his hand extended towards me, I took it and got to my feet. I gave him a warm smile.

“ Thank you, Kazuha. “

masterlist　|　previous　|　next

SYPNOSIS.　You had always been the independent, strong-willed person who didn't need anyone's help. Despite your best efforts, your trauma continues to plague you, making it difficult for you to trust and connect with others. That is, until you meet a young man who is everything you've wanted in a partner. Despite his aloof demeanor, he manages to break your emotional barriers and become a source of healing and support for you. As you learn to trust and open up to him, he becomes the healer of your heart, helping you heal from your trauma.

AUTHOR.　Might post a few eps all together then not post for a few days, my laptop’s charger broke and school starts soon (⁠ᗒ⁠ᗩ⁠ᗕ⁠)

TAGLIST.　 @arlecchino-soon-main @skyoverkill1 @yo0ngleswag @scaraenthusiast1 @skyvella @lloovvv @ciellez @asukahiriko2 @trulyylee @lalalaloveallmydays @hearts4lizzzz @animeobsessed56

[pipsipey17]

love and literature | chapter 3: bad kind of butterflies.

professor!natasha romanoff x college student!reader

series masterlist | main masterlist

summary: some unexpected news from your sister.

contains: just some tension ig

previous chapter | next chapter

It has already been a month since you have been living with Natasha on the same roof and a lot of adjustments have been made, not only at home but also at school. Some of them were fine but the rest of them annoyed the hell out of you.

You hate her that was certain, but you have been feeling things for her whenever the two of you had interactions with each other. Whether they were good or bad. You knew it was wrong and weird but you fantasized about kissing her

“You coming Y/N?” Wanda asked as you were walking to your next class along with Pietro, Peter and Carol.

Pietro is Wanda’s twin brother and you have the same classes with him in almost every single subject except for Russian Literature that’s why you have been friends with him too.

Well for Peter, you and him have been lab partners since freshman year and he has been a huge help for you when it came to Science. He is definitely a Science geek but he means well.

As for Carol, apparently has had a thing for you since you started playing for the volleyball team of the university. She’s a beautiful blonde, has a bold yet great personality and is even the captain of the cheerleading team.

You decided to give it a shot, even though you already told her that you don’t take relationships that seriously. She agreed saying that she’s willing to risk it and that she might even change that for you. And now, you have just been letting the relationship take its course and see where it will take you.

“You know I can’t Wanda, ever since Natasha moved in I haven’t been able to go out after school because I apparently have to ride home with her.” You replied with a hint of disappointment and annoyance in your voice.

This was one of the adjustments that annoyed you, since Natasha brings her car to school everyday, your sister told you that you can just ride home with her. Except for the days that you have student council work to do or you have volleyball training cause you go home later than usual. You couldn’t even stay in one room together without you feeling a bit angry or annoyed at her, let alone a car ride home with her even though it’s only a 30 minute car ride.

“Oh come on baby, it’s the weekend tomorrow, why don’t you text your sister that you’re going out later and see how that goes.” Carol said as she placed her arm around your waist.

Wanda rubbed her temple and said, “I swear, Professor Romanoff isn’t even your sister and yet she acts like one more than Maria.”

“She’s more like a babysitter in my opinion.” Pietro snickered, making Wanda roll her eyes at her twin brother.

You started typing your text message to Maria and a few seconds later you hit send. Your sister immediately read the text message and replied with, “Alright, just don’t be home too late.”

“So?” Wanda asked as she heard the sound from your phone.

“She said yes.” You replied, making Wanda squeal with joy.

“Hell yeah! We’re getting drunk tonight.” Peter cheered.

~~~

You were now at the parking lot of the school on your way to find Natasha, a few moments later you finally saw Natasha and she was leaning against her car with a cigarette in hand, she was also already looking in your direction.

“Isn’t this a non-smoking area?” You asked with your arms crossed.

Natasha hummed, “Yes, but I am not a student like you.” She quipped.

You wanted to roll your eyes so badly at her response but you stopped yourself, “I’m not riding home with you today, I’ve got plans.” You said as you looked directly at her emerald green eyes.

“And by plans you mean?” She asked with her brow raised and a drag from her cigarette.

“I’m just going out with my friends.” You simply replied.

Natasha looked behind you and saw that Carol was waiting by the light post a few meters away from the both of you. “Right, friends.” she said with obvious sarcasm in her voice. She clicked her tongue and asked, “Does Maria know about this?”

“She does,” You replied and showed her your conversation with Maria earlier.

It wasn’t what she meant, she wanted to know if Maria knew about you dating the cheerleader but she would just ask you about that some other time.

“Fine, I’ll see you later.” She lastly said before she dropped her cigarette onto the ground and stepped on it, she then went into her car and drove off.

“Shall we go?” You suddenly heard Carol ask as she held your hand.

You nodded and said, “Yeah, let’s go and have some fun.”

~~~

A few drinks later, you decided to call it a night, it was getting late and you didn’t want an earful from your sister at an ungodly hour.

But what you didn’t expect was seeing a very familiar car waiting by the entrance. The window rolled down and you saw the very least person you wanted to see, Natasha.

“I didn’t ask for a chauffeur.” You said with annoyance.

“Your sister asked me to pick you up. She has an emergency at work if that's why you're wondering I'm the one picking you up instead of your sister.” Natasha plainly said to you with her piercing eyes almost as if she's going to eat you whole.

You were a bit scared with how she's looking at you but your anger and annoyance were dominating, “I'm not riding with you, I'm clearly not drunk so I don't need someone to bring me home. Plus, I'm going to walk Carol to her dorm.”

If Natasha was keeping her composure earlier, she’s sure as hell isn't now after you mentioned that girl.

What she did next is something you didn't expect at all, she got out of her car and grabbed both of your arms, placed them on your back then pushed you onto the wall and twisted one of your arms making you hiss and curse in pain.

“Ow! S-stop that!” you yelped.

Natasha leaned on your ear and whispered, “I'm going to stop once you step inside the car. So, I'll tell you this one more time, get. in.”

The way her voice husked in your ear definitely made you feel something but you still weren't going to easily fold, “Like hell I will.” you said making Natasha twisting your arm more making you scream in pain this time. After a few moments you finally gave up, “A-Alright, I-I'll get in.” you said, making Natasha chuckle and let go of your wrist, “Good, thought we're going to be here all night.”

Natasha then strutted back to her car as you continued to rub your wrist in pain later seeing a slight bruise forming as you entered the car.

“That's gonna teach you to listen to me, Y/N. I may be living rent free in your household but that doesn't mean you're allowed to disrespect me once we're outside campus.” Natasha said as she started to drive away.

You rolled your eyes and sat silent in your seat, until your phone rang, the caller ID revealing that your girlfriend was calling. "Hey babe. Yeah sorry, apparently, my sister told Natasha to pick me up." you heard Natasha click her tongue.

"I'll make it up to you tomorrow, I promise. Alright. Bye." you said then ended the call.

"Didn't say the 'L' word?" Natasha suddenly asked.

You scoffed, "No, we're not seriously dating. There's no need for that."

"Ah, so it's more on just sex then?" Natasha asked with a smirk on her face.

"What? N-no I mean… kind of, I mean…" you groan in frustration, "You know what, it's none of your business."

"Fine, I already got a clue anyway just from the answer alone." Natasha replied, her smirk not leaving her face.

"Whatever." you said while rolling your eyes.

Natasha suddenly grabbed your thigh and dug her nails into it making you hiss in pain, "Roll your eyes at me one more time, you're going to get it." she said as she continued driving and digging her nails into your thigh.

What she said and did made you remain still and silent in your seat, thankfully, you were already near your home.

Once you arrived, you immediately left the car and went inside to your bedroom, laying face planted onto the mattress and finally succumbed to sleep.

~~~

"I'm going on a business trip for a few weeks," Maria said as you ate breakfast.

"What? You're leaving me here?" You said in shock and disbelief.

"I wish you could come with me but you have school and plus, you have Natasha to stay here with you."

That was the issue, you didn't want to be left alone together with the woman you certainly despised with your whole being.

"When are you leaving?" Natasha asked as she got up from her seat and placed her dishes on the sink.

"Tonight, so that's why I won't be here once you guys get back." Maria replied as she also got up and placed her dishes on the sink.

You lastly got up and gathered all your dishes and placed them in the dishwasher. After that, you hugged your sister and said, "Take care big sis."

She hugged you back and replied, "Of course I will. I love you little sis."

You said I love you back and Natasha was just watching the whole scene unfold in front of her, it always made her smile when she would see you let all your guard down around your sister, it just meant that you really felt safe around her.

It reminded her of her sister, Yelena. Who is busy traveling the world and living her best life, making up for the lost time she had before because of their past.

Maria released her embrace. “Go wait for Natasha in her car, I have to talk to her about something first.” she said and you nodded in response then left the room with Natasha's car keys in hand.

Once they heard the door close, Maria took a deep breath and spoke, “You can… take care of her for me right? She tends to be reckless sometimes and I just want to make sure she's not going to be in some trouble while I'm gone.”

“You can count on me Maria, I mean, I already got a taste of that when I picked her up last night.”

What Natasha said made Maria raise a brow at her, “Really? What did she do?”

“She refused to get in the car with me, but it's fine, I managed.” Natasha replied with a slight smirk on her face.

“I see, well… I hope you won't experience more of that in the next few days. Well, anyway, you guys got to go, it's getting a bit late.” Maria lastly said before they hugged and Natasha left the kitchen.

Starting tonight, you'll be left with the woman you hate but at the same time feel certain things for. You're nervous but excited even to see what will happen the next few days of the two of you living together without your sister.

Natasha got in her car and started the engine. But before she starts to drive she looked you in the eyes and said, “Look, I know you don't like me and I can't blame you for that but we'll be living together for a few weeks and I want us to be friends even just for the time being for the sake of your sister.”

A smirk formed on your face, “Alright, if that's what you want then let's be friends.” you simply replied and Natasha did a simple nod in respone and started to drive you both to school.

Let the games begin.

[hyatoro]

[Angst,maybe doft ending if u want to] Minsu with a Reader that's being forced into a marriage,reader doesn't like the idea of being with Minsu too much,but would rather be with him than with a random spoiled omega

-A.M anon!!

Hwang Minsu

Okay so I can’t see this being an arranged marriage through your parents since he and his family never really had much to offer so here’s how it’s twisted to fit a similar narrative. 

He’s an orphan so he didn’t really have people to push him into an arranged marriage, but he put his name into one of those match making organizations like a lottery ticket kind of thing. Very little hope, but just a hint of ‘maybe maybe not’.  

Your parents had an omega lined up for you, but you’d already met them before and you find them unbearable. So they eventually give you an ultimatum and insist you marry somehow. 

So you put your own name into this match making service as a passive thing while you look for other possible matches on your own, but you get a call back sooner than you’d think. 

Your match is Hwang Minsu. They have a hard time selling him, since he’s a night shift convenience store worker with little else to his name. But your personal search is coming up short and wait a damn second. 

You know this guy. You go to the convenience store he works at like every week for a late night snack. 

You shoot a response to the organization and opt to just meet him directly at the store. 

When you pull out the email he pulls out his own in surprise. 

So you spend your time chatting him up and from this and all your previous interactions he seems good enough. Nothing like that sack of shit your parents wanted to pair you up with. 

After a few more visits you ask him straight up, would he want to just marry you. 

He’s shocked. You’re a little surprised with yourself too. 

Actually he’d been obsessed with you since that time you approached him with the email, gobsmacked that anyone would entertain the idea of being with him. 

But he’s hesitant, because he knows for a fact that you don’t know what his scent is since he’s used to wearing scent patches, along with the fact that his scent is fainter than most. 

So he says that. “I-I’d love to, but you just have to…” and he peels off the patch and bares his neck to you shyly, worried out of his mind that this is what loses him this chance. 

You lean in and take a whiff. It’s weak, which isn’t helped from being suppressed by the patch, but it’s pleasant. You give a non-committal nod as you lean back and relief floods his veins. 

The papers fly by in a whirlwind and there’s no real wedding. He’s a little disappointed but he’s overshadowed by him moving in with you. It’s like when a kid first enters a candy store, where they’re all amazed by everything and scared to touch even the walls. And then he takes to it like a fish to water. 

You treat him like a roommate, but he treats you like a proper spouse. He greets you when you come back and he learns to cook as best as he can. [See house husband post]

As weird as the dude is, you don’t mind too much since he cleans up after himself. Yes you know what he does with your stuff. As long as it hits the wash and is folded up before you need it then it doesn’t matter. 

At some point in the future you can warm up to him and stuff, but that’s how your strange relationship starts. 

[violetasteracademic]

On Mate Behavior: Elriel (Part Two- Scent)

Another day of an SJM Instagram jump scare with more stories and no book accouncement (though I am HAPPILY celebrating indie bookstore day with you all!)- So it's another day to be on my Elriel shit. Will we still want posts like this once the announcement is out and we are done fighting for our lives? I feel like the announcement is coming soon so I need to sneak in all my thoughts!

In my previous analysis, I highlighted a moment that would have been perfect for Azriel to display some mate-like behavior towards Gwyn, and it was sorely lacking. You can catch up on that post here!

Today I would like to discuss another area lacking in mate behavior in the BC between Azriel and Gwyn, but present for... drumroll... Elriel. And that is scent.

Bringing back Nessian's bonus chapter to start the parallels, because I do think an additional bonus lends itself to the fairest basis for comparison (also if I used book examples from ToG to CC regarding romantic parings/mates and scent I'd be here for several hundred years):

Cassian is so lost in Nesta's scent that he had to stop himself from letting his eyes roll back into his head while breathing her in. This... sounds familiar:

Azriel's eyes also nearly rolled into the back of his head because of Elain's scent.

As previously mentioned, scent plays a huge role in mates/romantic pairings. I was chatting with my friend @faeprincesswarrior when I first started thinking about the scent thing, and she remembered that Rhys could smell Feyre's scent before they even met. He would wake up with her scent in his nose. Cassian and Azriel both can hardly control themselves when they take in the scents of Nesta and Elain.

Scent plays an important role in romantic pairings, and is honestly probably one of the things SJM lays on the thickest throughout the entirety of her multiverse and she has a tendency to drop it early on, often as an initial indicator. Yes, sometimes scenting is platonic, but Gwyn and Az don't even have that on page. There is simply no mention of scent in their portion of the chapter, but it is heavy in Elain's section.

*Crescent City 3 Spoiler* Even when Ithan is done with all his side quests and spends just a few moments with Perry, he's suddenly like mmm... strawberries and cinnamon. No other indicator of mate behavior there but MANY readers only needed that little nugget to be like- something's cooking here.

Again, in addition to Azriel's lack of response to directly recalling Gwyn's assault from his POV on page- something I would have liked to see to indicate feelings could be brewing there- there is also zero mention or indication that Azriel experiences Gwyn's scent at all. Even something small, like "a shift in her scent" at his arrival, or noticing a change in her scent from her flash of memory as well (as it happened between Nesta and Cassian.)

Azriel lost his mind over Elain's scent in their bonus chapter, just as Cassian lost his mind over Nesta's scent in theirs.

Azriel makes no mention of Gwyn's scent in the BC. It's as if to him, she doesn't even have one.

I want Azriel and Elain to be together because Azriel and Elain want to be together. They experience what romantic pairings experience together, and it is delicious.

I love Gwyn, which is why I think if she is going to have a romance in the future, she deserves more than a regifted necklace and a male who is drowning in the scent of another female's kitty and doesn't even notice what Gwyn smells like. This is really what we want for her?

Hoping for a book announcement soon. Do you guys like seeing Sarah post more? I have mixed feelings. Part of me thinks it is gearing up for an announcement which is exciting. Part of me also is tired of the jump scares and wants complete silence unless it is a book announcement. Judge me if you must!

[carriesthewind]

I can't stop thinking about the notes on this rage-bait post about To Kill a Mockingbird.

Some of it is the sheer number of people falling for the bait and believing that the school district in question banned the novel:

But there's also this...tone to so many of the notes that I find fascinating. And I think two sets of comments illustrate why:

Every time I look at these tags I feel like there is something more to unpack. If I am being kind of flip, I can roll my eyes at someone "sigh[ing] at the lack of reading comprehension" while falling for outrage bait.

But more seriously, I feel like this comment is completely right about needing to be uncomfortable and leave sterile environments in order to grown and change...but that comment exists in the context of the writer being so deeply uncomfortable at the mere idea that an over 60 year old book will no longer be taught to some children that they completely fail to interrogate the underlying story. There's a failure to take the next step. It's possible the writer was uncomfortable when they first read the novel, but to quote a tag I didn't capture here, it's "one of [their] favorite books." The book doesn't make *them* uncomfortable at all. The writer is not willing to interrogate that the school district might have had good reasons for switching the book out of the curriculum. Instead, they assume that the reasons are because "people don't understand" the book - the writer "see[s] what they look for."

I love To Kill a Mockingbird. (Hell, I'm one of those white future-public defenders who read the book and saw the movie and watched Atticus with my soul in my throat and, while I was not directly inspired by him, he resonated with a deep part of me.) It would be an uphill debate to convince me to remove it from a teaching curriculum - but then again, I'm not in charge of any teaching curriculum and have zero relevant expertise. I've read now a number of different articles and reactions to this incident, and the reactions rarely have anything to do with the reality of what decisions were made and why. You have to jump through numerous links to find what appears to be the original parent complaint:

Yolanda Williams said she found out that students were saying the N-word and laughing in the classroom, and it was offensive. “Students were laughing out loud at the teacher’s response. That’s unacceptable to me,” she told the board. “Is there not a better way to teach about that era and the horrors of that era, other than having kids laughing in class when the N-word is said? It should not be required reading for all students. My child shouldn’t have to sit in that class like that.” “It’s not a conducive environment,” Yolanda Williams said. “It’s not just the book, but supplemental material that had the N-word.

(How much do we value, how do we weigh, one way of learning about the history of racism, against the pain of a black child? Whose comfort are we willing to sacrifice, and for what?)

The second comment I come back to is much shorter, but I feel like it's where everything fell in to place for me:

Were the people made uncomfortable by the book white people? How many of them? I don't know for sure - although I know at least one of the parents, as quoted above, was black - and neither do any of the commenters.

Why do we read "people" and see "white people?" And in a way, I'm asking a rhetorical question - because of course we do, because the tweet is set up that day. And, even more so, of course we do - because the people the book is for are white people.

To go back to the previous comment, the one I can't stop unpacking: the writer quotes a famous line from the book, "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."

And yes, I love this quote.

But.

But.

To Kill a Mockingbird was written by Harper Lee, a white woman.

The narrator of the book is Scout, a white child.

The hero of the book is Atticus, her white father.

The embodiment of the theme, the person whose skin Scout tries to step into, is Boo Radley, another white man.

Do you remember, the man who was murdered? Do you see him in that picture at the top of the post? How long does it take you to remember his name?

When do we step into his skin? When do we walk around with his perspective?

I love To Kill a Mockingbird. But if a school district wanted to teach a book to embody this quote, aren't there so many better ones?

Another commenter on the post appears to have actual lived experience with this book being removed from the teaching curriculum.

[aeternallis]

A Deep Dive: Kim’s Fight Scene in Yok’s Bar

I’ve been thinking about this scene a lot lately, and I just have so many thoughts on it. 

Like low-key, but imo what makes this scene so mesmerizing yet also chilling at the same time is the fact that Kim never eliminates the possibility of Chay turning around at any time and witnessing Kim kill in order to protect him. 

Whereas Porsche tends to protect Chay by keeping him from seeing the reality of the mafia life (and tragically blindsides both himself and his brother because of it; Chay because he remains ignorant of his new environment and Porsche because his judgement of the risks in keeping Chay ignorant is impaired due to his overprotectiveness), Kim protects him only from the danger of it.

It’s an all around interesting narrative choice from BOC, especially considering that it’s Kim’s one fight scene in the entire series. 

I’ve seen many posts on here before of how Kim leaves the dead bodies for Chay like a feral cat or that he really took the mantra “nobody disturbs my man” up a notch or two, and while I definitely agree with all that on a surface level, I can’t help but think there’s so much more going on. Dare I say, maybe even a little manipulative? Hmm. 

Because for reals, there’s a reason why this fight scene makes such an impression on so many fans--the KimChay fans (including myself), in particular--and I think it’s because so much of the context of the fight, as much as the fight itself and the events leading up to it, reveals so much about Kim’s character post-break up w/ Chay. 

Like yes, there’s the aesthetic reasons and ofc, Jeff Satur and that beautiful face of his that looks like it was sculpted on a Saturday by the gods, but there’s just so much to be said in the way he’d fought and more importantly, ended the fight. 

@wildelydawn​ wrote up an amazing meta post  about how Kim fights, for which I highly recommend y’all read if you haven’t already. I definitely agree with the idea that Kim likes to play with his prey when he fights; he knows how to improvise and use his environment as sources of weapons, and he’s definitely got a bit of a sadistic streak going for him, lol. 

Now, where am I going with this? Well, let’s very briefly look at the events leading up to the fight: from the moment they break up in ep 11, to one of the very last scenes in ep 13 when Kim finds out that Porsche and Chay have left the tower, somewhere in between those events, Chay had become Kim’s singular goal and most important priority. Whereas before his goal had been to investigate Porsche and Chay’s connection to the Theerapanyakun family, directly after the break up is when this plotline falls through because his investigation hits a dead end at the temple. 

For me personally, methinks it’s the moment he finds out that Chay skipped his college interview in ep 12 and what a massive fuck up he’d just committed. As much as I adore him as a character, I don’t really think he knew the repercussions of his own actions until it was too late, alas. Ultimately, he’s not responsible for Chay’s choices, but he can’t deny that his previous actions influenced them. 

Whether it was wanting to confess his own feelings to Chay, or perhaps setting him straight because he skipped his college interview, or wanting to keep him safe, or even just to talk to him and clear the air--the point is, regardless of his reason(s), getting to Chay becomes his next target. And more than that, once Kim sets his crosshairs on a goal--especially on this one person he’s got a romantic attachment to--he is positively ruthless. 

You barely see it from how fast the camera cuts out, but if you pause at just the right moment, you can see how Kim’s expression is absolutely seething when Korn stops him from going to look for the Kittisawasd brothers (or perhaps even just Chay himself). 

This is the expression of someone who’s more than willing to obliterate anyone who gets in the way of him and his goal. This is an expression of utter resentment. This is the expression of someone who’s itching for a fight, because the universe dared to get in between him and his goal. 

(Side bar: I’m pretty sure part of the reason Jeff got the role of Kim Theerapanyakun is because of how intense his method acting can be. He doesn’t have many roles under his belt just yet, but if you haven’t seen He She It, I recommend giving it a go. His acting in that mini drama is a little rough around the edges, but the raw intensity by which he plays the character of Mike definitely highlights some of Jeff’s natural talent. He knows how to act with his eyes and his entire body, and when given the right director to guide him, as we’ve seen when he portrays the role of Kim, he truly thrives in his role.)

Yet still, for all his anger at being prevented by his father from getting to his goal, he’s mindful enough to know that he can’t just go against his orders either. Korn is the enemy of an entirely different caliber, and Kim perfectly knows how and when to pick his battles.

But it isn’t until we see him in the next ep quietly watching Chay from the bar that another facet of his character growth is revealed to us: by this point in time, he’s comfortable in his feelings for Chay enough that he can finally allow himself to luxuriate in his presence, even whilst knowing he’s in the metaphorical dog house.

His arms are propped up, his legs are loosely crossed, his body language is relaxed, whilst still very much aware of his surroundings. Keep in mind, this is the first time since the morning of the kidnapping that we see him perfectly content in Chay’s presence, now fully aware that there’s no reason for lies between them anymore. The only one left is the one he has to fix.

Yet, after all this time of trying to get ahold of Chay ( @bitacrytic​ wrote an interesting piece about Kim’s unsettling behavior when he realized Chay had cut him off, which I also highly recommend), why didn’t he take the opportunity to talk (or whatever it is he intended to do) when he was finally within sight? The camera shot of Chay talking to Yok on his phone, as well as of Kim sitting on the stool, lingers for a good 20-25 secs, so the audience is given a hint that Kim has been there for a while.

So why not take advantage of this chance?

And the answer to this question, I think, is what’s at the heart of the matter and basically defines the connotation of the entire fight.

Kim is not a fool, he knows for the time being he’s number 1 on Chay’s shit list. And because of this, it may be a stretch to say it, but I will anyway: perhaps off screen, from the moment he had him within sight, Kim may have realized that it would do him no good to talk to Chay at that moment. Not when there’s an imminent threat lying in wait, not when the heartbreak is still too raw for both of them. 

Most of all, Chay has no reason to trust him right now; it would just be a repeat of their disastrous confrontation in the club.

And he knows all too well that he cannot afford to sabotage what truly little standing he has left in Chay’s good graces. So he plays it cautious and takes the next best thing: he’ll bask in Chay’s presence, keep him company (albeit one-sided). If you scroll back up real quick and see his expression in the promotional image, it’s almost as if he’s thinking to himself, ‘keep your eyes on the prize--on him. he’s the only one that truly matters.’ 

But even so, Chay’s safety is his priority for the moment and there’s just so many reasons Kim is itching to vent some anger and frustration: the boy he loves has cut him off completely, Daddy is hatching up some plan again, besides the ongoing 4D chess game he’s got going on with all his sons, his investigation led him nowhere. Yet lo and behold, here comes some goons who not only disturbed his peaceful serotonin-gathering session (unbeknownst to Chay), but are also looking to either use the love of his life as leverage in a conflict that barely has anything to do with him, or just outright kill him. 

Really, no one can blame Kim for going a little overboard, not when these poor suckers basically offered themselves to him on a silver platter. Lol 

While I won’t go too deep into analyzing the physicality or choreography of the fight itself, I’d like to instead focus on all the things Kim chose/chose not to do, which again, says so much about his character and brings me back to my overarching thesis for this long ass rant: Kim never eliminates the possibility of Chay turning around at any time and witnessing Kim kill in order to protect him.

Kim doesn’t call out for Chay to run: this makes sense, it’s a practical choice; he doesn’t want these men to draw their attention on Chay. So long as they’re focused on him, so long as he distracts them--he can kill them one by one. 

Kim doesn’t draw the men away from the bar: an interesting choice that seems like it never crosses Kim’s mind. He’s more than agile enough to have led them away from where they’d entered, yet he keeps them all inside. 

Kim didn’t wait for them outside: another interesting choice. Arguably, it would have been more efficient for him to have taken some bodyguards and do a stake out. Further still, it’s also arguable this choice is more an emotional one (he wants Chay where he can see him, dammit), but that’s up for debate. 

Kim waits until the last possible second to use a gun: a risky choice, but he pulled it off quite well. He doesn’t go for the gun until the goons have him surrounded within Chay’s vicinity, so he goes for fast kills to end the fight even if it’s not his personal preference. Imo, it’s very obvious throughout the fight that he finds some satisfaction in twisting limbs and breaking bone, so good on him that he got to indulge for a bit. 

And finally, immediately right after the fight, he never tries to pull this one over Chay’s head: 

This one is pretty self-explanatory, I think. Hahaha. 

But after Kim shoots the last man, he doesn’t linger for too long. Which again, why doesn’t he take advantage of yet another chance that’s fallen onto his lap to talk to Chay? The danger has been dealt with for now, after all. Why not at least attempt at some sort of clean up, maybe pile the bodies on one corner so Chay doesn’t trip over them? :’D If not to talk to Chay, why not at least linger in the shadows, to make sure Chay is all right (he’s bound to turn around eventually)? 

Instead, he walks away, still panting a bit from the fighting and without a doubt, from the adrenaline rush. His body language is hard to read because his silhouette is blurred, but it’s at this point that BOC could have easily concluded this scene. 

They could have left this scene as is, and made the aftermath of the fight as vague as possible, because for what it’s worth, it would have still accomplished one of the main points for KimChay: Kim’s priority is Chay’s immediate safety. 

But it’s not the end of the scene. BOC made damn sure that we would see the aftermath, and with it--the changed dynamic between these two characters and the very implications of it. They didn’t leave it vague whatsoever, they pretty much shoved it in our faces. 

This scene--this f*cking scene RIGHT HERE--blows wide open a potential trajectory of KimChay’s love story if/when we ever get a season 2.

I think for the first and only time in the show, this shot of Kim sitting on the stairway, enjoying a cigarette after a murder spree, mind you—is the first time we see him fully stripped away of any pretenses in not only the way he loves and protects someone, but how far he can get lost within his own emotions when he has no reason to hold back. He doesn’t even look the least bit concerned for Chay’s emotional well-being, because that’s not his priority when he chose to leave those men lying on the bar’s floors. 

If anything, in this specific situation, not holding back benefits him greatly. 

For the first time, his character in the show is explicitly elevated to the same level of batshit insane as Kinn and Vegas, perhaps even beyond them.

We’ve seen how WiK had won over Chay, of how tender Kim could be with him, but the fight in Yok’s bar and the conclusion of it afterwards, demonstrates how far Kim’s sharpest, most deadliest aspect of himself—Kimhan, will go in order to win back Chay. Even in trying to get Chay within his orbit once more, he remains just as calculating: he doesn’t let his own gut instinct (actually wanting to talk with Chay) get the better of him; he uses the situation, in this case--even Chay--to give himself the best advantage. Can you imagine how terrifying that is? 

It’s no wonder Korn calls him the strongest, yet most dangerous of the Theerapanyakul heirs: regardless of whether Kim holds back or not depending on the given situation, he remains just as sharp, just as deadly, just as cunning. In the first KP novel, Korn presents a question to the readers indirectly: in their world, is love a weakness or is it strength?

For Kim, the answer is obvious: it’s a weakness, but he won’t allow it to be one for himself or for Chay. 

And due to all this, there’s only one conclusion I can come up with as to what this shot of Kim sitting on the stairway outside Yok’s bar was trying to accomplish:

Kim—this conniving, devious, gorgeous motherfucker—absolutely wanted Chay to see the dead bodies now littering Yok’s bar.

In fact, I can even argue that he seemed to have been waiting for confirmation that Chay saw his “present.” That he had all the time in the world to make sure his bae got a good look at his kills.

Why, you ask? Simple. Kim trusts Chay’s backbone made of steel. He trusts him to be able to handle it. Why else would he let himself enjoy a smoke after killing 6 people in 6 mins? Why doesn’t he look concerned?! Why not give Chay some comfort, goddamn...! We know this fucker is in love w/ Chay, the dumbass was crying over his polaroids earlier that day. //sobs 

But in all seriousness...Kim has firsthand experience of going up against it, doesn’t he? He himself saw how determined Chay could be when he cut himself off entirely from Kim, both from when he pulled his hand away in the club and then blocking his number a day or two later. I don’t necessarily think it’s that Kim overestimated Chay’s love for him, but rather he initially underestimated Chay’s resilience in keeping him away after breaking his heart so terribly.

This son of a bitch (affectionate) sobbed his pathetic heart out after finding out Chay blocked his number, probably took a good look at himself (and Chay’s cute polaroids), and came to one conclusion: “yeah, Chay can handle me. I can go all in now.”

In fairness, Chay’s steadfastness can only improve and strengthen from here on out. Kim--although in love with Chay, but does have his moments of volatile moods and cold verbal wit--is not an easy person to love, as Chay is slowly finding out the hard way. He must be able to confidently call Kim out when the latter needs to be reminded to respect him, that Chay will not take any of his shit. 

Ironically enough, in creating an original story for these two characters in the show, it also brings them closer to the dynamic they have in the novel, imo. I myself have only read parts of the novel, and because we barely see KimChay in the book, it’s hard to tell how much closer show!KimChay is to novel!KimChay, but there’s hints of some similarities here and there in terms of character dynamics. Make of that what you will~ 

Let’s play Devil’s Advocate for a hot sec though, and address the rebuttal: “but won’t this only drive Chay further away from Kim and a life in the mafia?”

My answer to that is: will it though? Chay has more reasons to stay in the world Porsche forced him to enter than he ever has in leaving it. BOC cemented this fact when they decided to keep Namphueng alive, nevermind the fact that Chay’s one positive, healthy parental figure, is now the minor family head and as much as he’d like for it not to be true, he’s still in love with Kim. 

But to reiterate, Kim trusts Chay’s backbone made of steel in a way that Porsche doesn’t (again, due to aforementioned overprotectiveness, which also serves as the fundamental difference in how they both protect Chay). But the reasoning behind placing his trust in Chay isn’t entirely selfless either. 

He trusts Chay to be able to handle the disturbing scene of the dead bodies he left behind, because he has something to gain from it.

By leaving behind the dead goons for him to find, Kim inadvertently breaks another piece of Chay’s upright perception of the world, ensnares him further into Kim’s reality—and most of all, to Kim himself.

It’s a terrifying level of honesty (and wooing??) coming from Kim because it’s so brutal in its execution. What makes it even more frightening is that he’s genuinely doing this out of his desire to be with Chay. His priority during the fight is Chay’s safety, yes, but his overarching goal after their break up remains the same: to get Chay back. 

It drives home the fact that although Kim loves only a handful of people in his life, he loves them fiercely to the point of questionable insanity.

[elvenbeard]

Vulnerabilities

Cyberpunk 2077 Fanfic

Summary: V and Kerry blow off some steam before they have to return to the Med Center, where Dr. Fuentes will hopefully introduce them to her plan on how to safe V's life. (Post-Sun-Ending, mostly canon-compliant, Chapter 16/?, 9582 words, Kerry Eurodyne/V, in this chapter: NSFW, pegging, kinky sex - notes at the end) >> Previous Chapter >> Read from the Beginning

“I’ve been a very bad boy,” Kerry breathed against his ear. V hesitated briefly, but then pushed him away and onto the bed. Kerry laughed shakily when he landed on his back with a thud. V looked down on him, as he had his arms spread out, hair still perfectly styled, but cheeks slightly flushed as he bit his lip. He climbed onto the bed as well, settling between Kerry’s legs. Kerry pressed his thighs against V’s sides with a cocky grin.

V hummed, supporting himself with his right hand on the mattress, his left thumb brushing across Kerry’s lips. He lingered momentarily, then pulled back to slap his cheek. Not too harshly, leaving just a hint of tingling, and Kerry shivered under him.

“You were,” V teased back, voice low, while Kerry still smiled, “But you’ve been worse.”

Kerry huffed.

“Kidnapped my manager… Right now planning to screw the label over… Kissed ya in public at a big party…” he recounted the last few days, fingers busy unbuttoning V’s shirt.

“Nothing was set on fire yet,” V said and leaned forward, letting his tongue and teeth wander along the edge of Kerry’s voicebox implant, black and golden chrome framing warm skin. A raspy, frustrated groan came in response.

“Sent ya nudes while y’were in an important meeting,” Kerry sighed, “That’s gotta count for somethin’…”

V chuckled, taking in the sharp yet pleasant scent of Kerry’s aftershave as he sucked a hickey into his flesh, right below his jawline. Kerry squeezed his legs around him tighter, pulled V against his groin to make sure he knew how aroused he was.

Both were still more-or-less fully dressed, had only just gotten back home. Kerry had come directly from the video shoot for Shivers all day, while meetings and planning sessions for the Sutter gig had occupied V’s agenda. They were tense and weary, it was late, but sometimes that was just the right time to blow off some steam before falling asleep.

“Beg for it,” V whispered against Kerry’s neck, then he slowly sat up again and leaned back, hands on Kerry’s chest holding him down. Kerry gently trailed his fingers along V’s arms. He tried to reach his sides, but V leaned away and let one hand wander to Kerry’s throat. Kerry quivered, eyes hooded and his breathing quickened, and he lifted his head to bare his neck to V’s grasp even more. He swallowed, chrome and flesh moving beneath V’s own cyberware-covered palm.

“Fuck me, please” his voice was hoarse, longing, and his dick twitched noticeably between them.

V smiled and inched closer, not evading Kerry’s fingers this time as they pulled on his shirt, tried to undo his belt.

“How?” he breathed more than he asked, grip around Kerry’s throat tightening.

“Mhhh… hard and fast,” Kerry gasped, “’til all I can do is scream your name.”

“How ‘bout ‘til all you can do is whimper, incoherently?” V suggested, and Kerry’s hips buckled, but V continued to hold him down.

“Fuck… Yes, please,” he grunted, his pulse fast against V’s fingertips, their eyes interlocked.

V slowly let go again and Kerry let out a shaky breath. Then he caressed Kerry’s thighs.

“’Cause you asked so nicely,” he said, and Kerry scoffed at first, but his smile returned when V continued, “I’ll let ya pick tonight…”

“The purple one,” he said without a pause, and V reached back to slap his thigh – with a little more fervor than his cheek, making Kerry wince first but then chuckle lowly.

“Eager… let’s see for how long.”

Kerry grinned, challenging now, but he then slowly unwrapped his legs from V’s hips and quickly undid his own belt.

Kerry was already naked, had simply tossed his clothes wherever, when V joined him on the bed again. He had fetched the ribbed, purple strap-on Kerry had asked for and undressed himself as well.

“Help me out?” V half asked, half ordered and held out the harness, kneeling tall in front of Kerry on their silk bedsheets. Kerry sat up instantly. Skilled and swiftly he wrapped the purple leather straps around V’s hips and thighs, pulling taut and closing the clasps with care. All the while he barely broke eye contact with V who watched from above, goosebumps rising wherever Kerry touched or as much as breathed against him.

“Like this?” Kerry asked, pulling V against himself on the harness, the material pleasantly pressing into his flesh at the swift tug.

V didn’t respond, instead closed the remaining distance between them and hungrily kissed Kerry. Hands wrapped around the base of his head and neck he did not let go until they were both thoroughly out of breath. Kerry licked his swollen lips, bright blue Kiroshis still latched onto V.

Holding eye contact Kerry leaned down and took the strap-on in his mouth. V was caught off guard by his own moan, dripping from his tongue at the mere sight of Kerry going down on him like this, even if there was basically no physical sensation tied to it. Kerry still held on to the harness, pulling V closer as his head bobbed back and forth in a steady rhythm. V put his left hand on Kerry’s, with his other he grabbed his hair, guided his head and his pace. Now Kerry’s eyes were closed, gorgeous with his long dark lashes, brow slightly furrowed and so focused as he took in more and more of the length, heat rising in V’s abdomen as he was mesmerized by the wet sucking noises, their motion, their breathing.

Kerry slowed his pace, taking deeper strokes, his breath shakier, but he inched closer and closer until he had swallowed the whole length, and his nose touched V’s belly. He stayed like this for a few seconds, cheeks and shoulders flushed dark. V let go of his hair, let his fingers trail along his jaw, his throat, gently caressing the bulge the strap-on formed there, and Kerry shivered. A wave of dizziness hit V.

“Good boy,” he shuddered, voice hoarse with desire, and that was Kerry’s cue. He jolted back, gasping and coughing, a thin strand of glistening saliva briefly hanging between his lips and the tip of the dildo.

“Fuck,” was all V could utter, his clit throbbing as Kerry let himself fall back on the bed again, legs spread wide.

“V… please… I need you so bad…” he sighed and swallowed, still out of breath.

V didn’t need to be asked twice. He grabbed the already open bottle of lube from beside Kerry, generously slathered the strap-on while simultaneously getting them both in position. Kerry had his hands against V’s chest, his waist, his legs, everywhere he could reach, touching and scratching and trying to pull him closer, against him, into him. V knew Kerry meant it when he said “hard and fast”. But still, at least for getting started, he wanted to be gentle. With fingers still slippery with lube he gave Kerry’s semi-hard dick a few good strokes, making his back arch and voice crack as he gasped with pleasure. He lingered a little longer, thumb circling the wet tip, the sensitive spot just beneath, Kerry winding and his toes curling.

“Fuck, you’re a horrible tease today,” he gasped, looking up at V with cheeks and chest glistening.

V gave him another firm slap on his now bare thigh, not letting go of Kerry’s dick. Kerry didn’t hold back his moans, and V began to push the strap against his hole. Kerry’s eyes rolled back as V slipped in with ease, and Kerry groaned long and deeply at the stretch, fingernails digging into V’s sides.

“Fuuuuuck…”

V slid in further, slowly first, gently hooking Kerry’s legs around his waist again, caressing, kissing his neck, his chest, keeping an eye on him for any sign of discomfort. Kerry smiled and nodded clinging onto V tightly. So he sped up the pace.

Skin slapped against skin, fast and steady, accompanied by both their labored breathing. V ran his thumbs along the two symmetrical silver lines decorating Kerry’s stomach, trailing from his dick bouncing back and forth from his thrusts, all the way to his pecs. V’s eyes wandered across the golden plate on Kerry’s sternum, the beautiful, bold tattoo on his chest, to his gorgeous face gleaming with sweat. Kerry clung to the pillow with one hand, eyes darting back and forth, catching V’s gaze, then wandering back to his body, to the space between them, then he closed them again to focus on all the other sensations lingering in the air.

“Just like that, aaahhh,” he gasped, his hand reaching for V’s chest, squeezing his pec, grazing his nipple, and V grinned and shuddered, clutched Kerry’s hips, nails digging into soft skin. Kerry’s voice and unsteady breathing announced that he was getting close. Whenever he fucked Kerry like this, V noticed a little lilt in his moans, barely noticeable but always there. Maybe it was the vulnerability, the difference in sensation and pleasure received, giving himself to V like this… or all or neither. But V was obsessed, spurred on even more every time he managed to lure these sweet, quiet, higher notes out of Kerry’s throat. Only there for him to hear, only his doing, sending his own pleasure into overdrive.

“Fuck, V, I’ll… I’m so close,” he could barely speak between gasps and thrusts.

“Still so wordy,” V panted, his own hair sticking to his forehead and the back of his neck, the friction of the harness and the view of Kerry beneath him like this doing their part in giving him his own satisfaction. Kerry’s hand wandered across his own stomach now, reaching for his dick, but V quickly grabbed his wrist and pinned it down above Kerry’s head. Any words of protest he may have had were scrambled in his mouth when V grabbed Kerry cock firmly, not once slowing down his thrusting.

Kerry threw his head back and cursed, but then his voice cracked as he came, spilling all over his stomach and chest, breath stuttering. His cock throbbed between V’s fingers, hole clenched around the strap-on, and his voice and expression completely undone undid V as well. He gasped and cold and hot sweat dripped down his spine as he came to completion against Kerry. He could barely hold himself upright anymore, slowly loosening his grip from Kerry’s dick and wrist. Kerry’s thighs were shaking against V’s sides, he squirmed, back arched against V’s body, a hot sticky mess between them – but his hands immediately grabbed onto V’s waist, giving him support he needed. V’s head was spinning and his heart racing, painfully almost he now noticed. Kerry had his eyes closed, was breathing heavily, then sighed happily when V leaned down to kiss his cheek, caress his sides, his legs, his neck, wherever he had previously slapped or bitten or otherwise been rough with him. Kerry lazily reached up to stroke V’s hair, opening his eyes to examine his face, then pulled him down into a proper kiss. V let it happen, let his tired aching body sink into the soft and warm embrace, and they both just lingered like this for a while.

“That was really fuckin’ good,” Kerry eventually whispered.

“Or really good fuckin’?” V instantly retorted and they both laughed.

“You’re a gonk,” Kerry sighed, and his eyes fell shut again. V kissed his cheek, then slowly got up and carefully slipped out of Kerry, eliciting another shiver and happy little groan from him. He sat up and undid the harness with still shaky fingers, watching Kerry. His breathing slowly steadied again.

“Be right back,” V gave Kerry’s thigh a quick squeeze and Kerry, face glowing from exertion and satisfaction, just hummed blissfully.

As V got up from the bed he was once more surprised by a short onset of dizziness. He tried to attribute it to the exhaustion and rush of hormones and walked into the bathroom slowly, very aware of each of his steps. But when he plunged the strap-on into the sink and grabbed a towel to dampen with warm water, the mirror turned on, startling V with his own reflection. A thin line of blood had just begun running from his nose. It dripped onto his chest and the black marble floor.

“Fuck…”

He quickly wiped it away, washed it off, down the drain with any thoughts or fears. It wasn’t a strong or intense nosebleed thankfully, not as bad as it had been before…

“Sure, try sugarcoating dying, see how that goes for ya.”

The mirror turned off again, out of sight out of mind. V took a deep breath, hoping that it would not get worse... But also, he didn’t want to think about it. He wanted to lie down and cuddle and talk about normal things for once, not the impending doom looming on the other side of the night.

He returned to the bedroom with a smile, Kerry none the wiser still on the bed, melted into the mattress. V gently placed the warm towel on his chest, startling him into opening his eyes. Then V joined him again, cozied up to his side as Kerry cursory wiped himself down before tossing the towel to the floor. He sighed and rolled to his side to face V, scooting closer and wrapping him into a loose hug.

“Did I ever tell ya I love it when you’re all dominant like that?” he asked.

“Yeah, you did,” V chuckled.

“Good. ‘Cause it’s hot as fuck.”

“Wasn’t too rough?”

Kerry smiled, eyes glistening in the golden glow of the indirect lighting surrounding their bed. He brushed his thumb across V’s mouth, lingering at the piercing in his bottom lip for a moment. Then he gave him another quick kiss, but didn’t withdraw, stayed and held him close.

“I don’t break so easily,” he said quietly, his beard and lips brushing against V’s skin as he spoke.

“Promise?” V asked quietly, trying to swallow the lump in his throat, ignoring the budding headache and tightness in his chest that had accompanied him all day already. Instead, he kept his tone playful and light-hearted.

“Promise,” Kerry nodded.

He fell asleep soon after, still clinging to V and quietly snoring. V barely slept all night, and the morning rolled around mercilessly fast. Right when V had finally drifted off, couldn’t have been more than an hour, their alarm jolted him straight awake again. Kerry groaned into the pillow, mumbling something like “just 10 more minutes”. V slowly sat up, pressed a kiss against the cherry blossoms tattooed onto Kerry’s shoulder blade, fingers trailing down his spine.

“Could a hot shower coerce you?”

Kerry sighed, shifted to look up at V, squinting, hair all messy and voice rough with sleep.

“Only ‘cause you asked so nicely. No ulterior motives.”

V chuckled and they both sleepily trudged into the bathroom.

“V, you in there somewhere?” Kerry asked when he sat a steaming hot mug of coffee down in front of him. A slightly crooked chocolate syrup smiley face was drizzled onto the milk foam. V had to blink a couple of times, hadn’t even noticed how long he’d been staring into the void while Kerry made breakfast for them.

“Yeah, no. Sorry, I was…” V mumbled, cold fingers clinging to the warm mug. He wasn’t sure what to say next, Kerry looking at him expectantly from across the kitchen counter. He tried to smile, but a little twitch at the corner of his mouth told V that he struggled. When V continued to stay silent, Kerry frowned, more worried than annoyed, walked over, and sat down next to him with his own coffee.

“Sorry, what did you say?” V asked, trying to keep his thoughts in the present.

“Nothin’ important,” Kerry shook his head, “Just wondering. Worrying, y’know, the usual.”

V looked down onto his mug, but there were no words in his vocabulary to describe what he was thinking or feeling.

“Think it’s gonna be that bad? What she’s gotta say, after a week of pokin’ and proddin’ ya?” Kerry then pointed out the elephant in the room. V shrugged.

“Dunno,” he just said, “Tryin’ not to expect anything anymore. Or hope, or wish, I guess.”

Kerry looked at him for a long time. Then he slowly shifted, took a sip of his own, black coffee, and put his hand on V’s thigh.

“Well, guess I’ll have to hold out hope for both of us then. Try ‘n stop me.”

His voice was quiet and calm, not as if he was trying to make a joke.

“I know I couldn’t stop you from anything you set out to do. Even if I wanted to,” he said and tried his best to smile. Kerry still frowned, but his tense posture softened. Then he leaned over to give V a quick, coffee-flavored kiss before returning to finish cooking breakfast. V watched him stir around in the pan for a couple more minutes, neither of them said anything. The tension was tangible, and V hated it.

When he was done, Kerry plated an omelet for each of them and returned to V’s side.

“Thanks. Looks preem.”

“Lemme come with ya,” Kerry then just blurted out and V slowly turned his head.

“I know you said you don’t want me to,” Kerry added, poking around in his eggs as if the answer to all their problems was hiding somewhere in them, “Case it’s bad ‘n whatnot.”

“That’s not why,” V shook his head, “Last time, Dr. Williams. You had so much hope. And during the final appointment she shattered it all.”

Kerry put down his fork and turned to face V, almost annoyedly placing his hand on his thigh, a little physical protest without actually having to get up. He held his head low, looked up at V, the rising sun making his bright eyes particularly piercing.

“Yeah, fine, it sucked,” he said shrugging, “But even if Fuentes also only has bad news… No, I refuse. I’d rather just have my hopes shattered again ‘stead of not hopin’ for anythin’ anymore, alright?”

V looked down on his hands still holding the mug. The chocolate smiley-face had meanwhile melted into the foam, slowly disintegrating.

“It’s not that,” he said quietly, insisting, but also struggling to find the right words still. His head was throbbing, thoughts circling and drifting away before he could seize them. As if his brain was leaking. He quickly cast away the horrible mental images cropping up.

“Look at me, dammit,” Kerry said quietly, and gently turned his head with two fingers against his chin, “Listen… Whatever she’s gotta say, I don’t want you to be going through that alone. Yeah, okay, maybe it’s gonna suck and maybe it’ll ruin the little trust I have left in doctors forever, but – …”

“Kerry, it’s not that I think you can’t handle it,” V said, voice shaky, and Kerry slightly withdrew.

“I’m scared that I can’t handle it. Both the news and you having to deal with this all again, that it’s gonna break me for good,” he said and looked away.

Heavy silence again, but a different kind this time. One that was almost worse than the unarticulated, lingering tension, all-encompassing, drowning, no escaping its darkness. But then Kerry managed what he’d said only V had been able to do for him so far: he reached out and drove the shadows away.

“You fuckin’ gonk,” he said firmly, cupping V’s face and making him look back at him. His eyes were still sad and shoulders tense, but there had been a shift in his aura that soothed V’s own anxiety.

“I’ve picked ya up out of puddles of blood more often than I’d like to. I held ya when we were both fuckin’ sobbing about how unfair this whole shitshow is. Yeah, maybe the news is gonna be bad. But fuck, even if it shatters you into a thousand pieces… I’ll be there and pick you up again and hold you, and put you back together. Cause I love ya, and I’ll be there for you. ‘til the end if need be. That clear?”

V couldn’t bring himself to say something, but he reached up to touch Kerry’s hand, took it into his own, held it tightly in his lap. Then he nodded.

“Okay.”

“’n if the news is fucked…” Kerry then added, very quietly, carefully almost, “So soul-crushing and bleak and hopeless… then fuck the whole Crystal Palace crap, fuck Night City really… and I’ll book us a flight to the Philippines the minute you say so, alright?”

V shuddered, lowered his head. And then he nodded once more. He didn’t dare look Kerry in the eyes, not after his reaction the other day when he had first brought up wanting to die on the Philippines if all else failed. Forever tainting that place for him, that he loved so dearly, but a place V had hoped so much to at least still be able to see with him, even if only once, and even if only for a brief time.

After a few moments Kerry scooched closer with his chair, close enough so he could put his arms around V, who let himself be guided into the embrace. Slumping against Kerry’s chest he closed his tired eyes, and they just sat in silent understanding, V wishing the moment could last forever.

About an hour later V had no recollection of how they’d even gotten to the Med Center, only that Kerry had insisted on driving them. V had been so out of it the whole morning, he didn’t belong behind a steering wheel yet. The path to Fuentes’ office was ingrained into his muscle memory though, even when all the hallways still felt like an endless, sterile white maze. Kerry followed him closely, sunglasses on and a little more casually dressed than usual in a hoodie, dark jeans, and a jacket borrowed from V. He did not want another artificial drama or speculation video online so soon after the most recent one had finally subsided in popularity.

“Got an appointment,” V said to the receptionist in the neurology wing that already knew him by now, and then they arrived at Fuentes’ office so much faster than what V was ready for. He knocked politely, and Kerry decided to keep his sunglasses on.

“I gotcha,” he whispered, briefly tugging at V’s pinky finger with his own, then Fuentes called from within to come inside.

As usual, Fuentes sat behind her desk, seemingly in the middle of writing a protocol, but looked up as they entered.

“Mr. Eurodyne!” she said with surprise before even greeting V.

“Hope I’m welcome,” he said, and despite trying to act laid back, Kerry’s voice was tense.

Fuentes got up as they approached and reached across her desk to shake their hands, first V’s, then Kerry’s.

“Of course,” Fuentes said, “I had suggested that V should involve you in this meeting. I’m glad you were able to make it after all.”

Kerry turned to look at V, just the hint of a frown visible behind his glasses, while V very adamantly avoided his gaze.

“Anythin’ for him,” Kerry said, while his undertone said, “I’m mad, but at the same time, not surprised”.

“Please, sit down,” Fuentes gestured at the two visitor chairs and sat back down in her own, pulling up all sorts of data on the screen in front of her. V recognized his scans and data, but there was a lot more there today.

Fuentes adjusted her slightly unruly ponytail and brushed a grey-brown lock of hair out of her face, then flipped her screen so that both V and Kerry could see it. She folded her hands and placed them on the table in front of her, posture a little too upright and confident. V tried his best not to read too much into her body language.

“How are you feeling today?” she then asked, facing V.

“Headache, since yesterday,” he said, “Maybe a… four out of ten. Annoying but bearable. Been a bit dizzy, too. Spacing out.”

Fuentes nodded, turned on the datapad resting beside her, and made a quick note. From the corner of his eyes V noticed that Kerry was taking in the office still, as it was his first time here. Looking at the shelves, the books, the little touristy trinkets and children’s artworks displayed between books and files.

“Anything else since we last spoke? Usual or unusual?” Fuentes continued.

“Um…” V shifted in his seat.

“Trouble forming sentences?” Fuentes asked with a knowing smile.

“Somewhat. This morning,” V nodded. He hesitated.

“And… a small nosebleed last night.”

Kerry turned to look at him promptly but remained quiet. V only briefly glanced at him, then back at Fuentes. She made another note.

“Any other symptoms this was accompanied by? Potential triggers, a lot of stress, physical exertion?”

“Just the headache,” V said, “And, I guess… physical exertion probably.”

Fuentes looked up from her datapad, as if she was about to scold V for not resting enough – but then she saw the way Kerry looked at him and closed her mouth again. 

“That why you disappeared into the bathroom so long?” he quietly asked, and V sighed.

“It was no big deal,” V insisted, “If it had been, I would’ve said something.”

“Keeping secrets is never good,” Fuentes interjected before Kerry could respond, even though V was sure he had a lot to say.

“Thank you,” he then just settled with, directed at Fuentes, and leaned back in his chair. Yet, V couldn’t take her as seriously as he would’ve liked to, given how secretive she had been as well. For her own good reasons, the same way he had his.

“Even more so I’m glad to have you both here today,” she then said, “I’d like to discuss my findings, as well as a potential plan of action to help you. A little more concrete this time.”

V still didn’t want to get his hopes up, even if at this point in the conversation the doctors so far had already told him that there was no hope beyond a symptomatic treatment for as long as was still possible before the inevitable.

Fuentes pulled up several scans, some of them older, from Vik and from other doctors, detailing the development of the deterioration of V’s brain. She also opened a 3D-model of his skull featuring a cyberware contraption that V didn’t instantly recognize. Finally, a document resembling a timeline appeared on the screen, likely the individual steps of her treatment plan.

“Not gonna lie, doc,” Kerry said, “So far that bodes better than anything else we’ve been told so far.”

Fuentes smiled but kept up her calm and collected demeanor. V could sense that not all her news was good. Sometimes small doses of truth were better than spilling it all at once, though he did not prefer it that way.

She quickly recounted last week’s testing to bring Kerry up to speed, and V also didn’t mind the refresher.

“During our first appointment I’d shown you several issues we need to tackle,” Funtes began, turned to V again, “A main concern was stabilizing the Relic in a suitable environment, for protection against external influences. Additionally, the tests of your system performance have me thinking by now that the Relic is not as stable in its current slot as I had first assumed, either.”

“Doesn’t sound good,” V said, but he wasn’t surprised. Fuentes made a swaying left-and-right motion with her head.

“I wouldn’t say it is bad news, either,” she explained, “The biochip being somewhat unstable could be a possible explanation for your feeling of disconnect. Just a bit more literally. It is not communicating as effectively with the organic and inorganic components of your body as it should to work at full capacity.”

V let that sink in for a moment.

“Are you saying that… his mind has a loose contact?” Kerry then wondered out loud.

Fuentes chuckled.

“It is much more complex,” she said calmly, “But something like that, yes.”

“Always had issues with that damn slot…” V muttered, although he admittedly hadn’t expected this turn of events. He knew that the Relic was faulty, falling down the side of Konpeki Plaza hadn’t helped much either – plus everything else he had been through since then. But that something so mundane as performance issues hadn’t been discovered by a whole array of doctors so far seemed unlikely. He continued to listen, but with an added layer of caution.

“Now that we are aware of it, we can try to fix it,” Fuentes said, “It could improve your quality of life a little bit already – or a lot.”

She zoomed in on the 3D model of V’s skull, and he remembered how this all had started out as a sketch on a scan. Now the proposed contraption to hold the Relic had a lot more substance to it, looked like something concrete and tangible that could become a reality – his reality.

“The design is not final yet, but getting there,” Fuentes prefaced her explanation of how she planned to transfer the Relic to its new home. She detailed the process with a brief simulation, and V watched with skepticism.

“So, you’re… gonna put that thing in his skull, and, without ever disconnecting anything, fix the slot and pull the chip over there?” Kerry summarized what they were shown. Fuentes nodded.

“Seems pretty… invasive.”

“I know,” she said, “The normal approach here wouldn’t be a big open surgery, rather relying on nanites doing the installation. Not even the shadiest street-ripper is drilling holes in skulls anymore to install a new RAM Upgrade. But V’s case is far from normal. Since a lot of logistics are involved, a more invasive approach is going to be more effective.”

“Two birds with one surgery,” V nodded, understanding where Fuentes was coming from, but still not liking the implications.

“Time remains of the essence,” Fuentes said, “I suggest tackling this as soon as…”

She paused, looked at V, then Kerry, on whom she lingered.

“He knows,” V realized why she hesitated, “He knows about Sutter and the blueprints.”

He couldn’t quite place her reaction, a mix of disdain of V involving other “civilians” in her secrets… and curiosity maybe, as to how deeply Kerry could be involved in any plans. He certainly had a bad boy image, though more in an artistic sense, not necessarily a criminal one. That had to be intriguing to some degree.

V had not yet had a chance to tell Fuentes about how he would go about tracking down Sutter either. Maybe he would as soon as he had a better grasp of whether or not the whole ordeal was going to be worth it, or if Plan Philippines would become their new priority after today.

Fuentes cleared her throat.

“I would tackle the surgery as soon as you have been able to get your hands on the blueprints,” she said, “It is most likely going to put you out of commission for a while.”

“How long are we talking here?” V asked promptly.

“At least a week of bedrest, and at least two months of minimal physical strain. We’ll see from there.”

V let out a long, deep breath.

“That’s… longer than I might have, according to your prognosis last week,” he said.

“I know,” Fuentes said, “which brings me to my next finding.”

On the screen, she returned to the animated brain scans, showing the deterioration and changes of the last months.

“Your body and your operating system have been in a permanent state of emergency for months now. Your brain is not being stimulated as much as it needs to be to function properly – an explanation for your more physical symptoms, like apathy and lack of energy, which in return can also contribute to depression.”

She paused for a moment, to collect her thoughts, but her intense look, the way she seemed to scan him for even the smallest reaction, gave V the chills. He braced himself for whatever there was to come, tried to loosen his shoulders and not let his tenseness show.

“One way I would like to tackle this understimulation, and fixing of all the damages the Relic and gunshot wound caused, is with the nanites. But I think we need to go one step further,” she said, “I would like to – temporarily – try and disable as much of your cyberware as possible.”

V swallowed, blinked a couple of times. A Trauma Team AV breezed past the office window, the sun steadily climbed higher and once again bathed Fuentes in this strange glow that made her seem unreal.

“I don’t have that much cyberware to begin with,” he then relativized, “Is that really gonna be necessary?”

“It may not be much,” Fuentes said, “But the majority of what you have installed impacts brain function. Cyberdeck, frontal cortex implants like Self-ICE that draw a lot of resources even while running only passively...”

She looked at a list of V’s cyberware on her datapad, going through all the implants and enhancements.

“Kiroshis with a lot of additional functionalities and scanners – …”

“You want me to disable my Kiroshis?” V lost his composure for a moment, and Kerry quickly put his hand on V’s thigh to soothe him. V took a shaky breath.

“Obviously I don’t want to blind you,” Fuentes said calmly, “I’m also not saying to uninstall anything, with optics that’s not advised in general anyway. But we need to take strain from your system to allow you to recover. And if that means shutting down anything that isn’t necessary for survival, we have to do it.”

“So, I really gotta go and lock myself in at home then,” V spat out, “Dunno if you ever hang out at shady bars or use the metro, but in general it’s not really advised to spend a lot of time on the streets – or work as a merc – without any chrome whatsoever.”

“Vince,” Kerry said quietly, “It’s temporary. ‘til you’re better, not forever. A small price tag I’d say.”

“Easy to say for ya, hanging out at home 95% of the time,” V responded before really thinking through what he said. He bit his tongue and shook his head instantly, “Sorry that… Not sure where that came from.”

There was a tense pause.

“Yeah,” Kerry then said flatly, and without even looking V knew he’d gone too far. Still though, Kerry didn’t move away. V closed his eyes and took another few deep breaths, trying to make sense, relativize, convince himself that this was necessary and a good idea.

The moment Dex shot him popped into his head all of a sudden. How even then, bruised and beaten and horrified, he had been ready to jump back to his feet. Lunge at his throat and kill the bastard, not even something he would usually resort to. Dex rendering him so helpless, wanting him to die small and vulnerable and be forgotten, had instilled V with the worst rage he had felt until that moment in his life. He refused to end on a gross motel floor, with so many things left unresolved, left unspoken, undone – and yet, he had been so utterly fucking helpless about changing any of these things. He never wanted to be as helpless again, out of control of his own life, yet he feared this was what this would boil down to.

V slowly reached out to take Kerry’s hand. He squeezed it tightly once. After a short pause, Kerry did the same and they interlocked their fingers. The tension in his chest faded at least somewhat.

“I know this is difficult to hear,” Fuentes then said, “But I can only reiterate what I’ve told you a couple of times already. You need to take a step back. Delegate what is possible. Ideally, I would have nothing against it if you can get your hands on the blueprints and… all that without lifting a finger yourself. None of this is going to be easy, and I can’t promise that any of it will work. But it is a chance, and we should take it and take all necessary steps to at least try and tip the scales in our favor.”

V only half listened to what Fuentes said. He knew she was right, but every fiber of his being rebelled against the thought of just fading away from the face of the earth like that, even if it was only temporarily. Night City was merciless when it came to showing any signs of weakness. It would simply swallow you whole, your life, all you’d worked and fought and bled for, without hesitation, if you didn’t continue working and fighting and bleeding every day. He had lost so much before, but also never before had he as much to lose as right now. He was deeply involved in many of Rogue’s running operations, in managing the Afterlife. He fucking loved it. The planning, the scheming, it felt like he was back at his Counterintel job, only that he was the one in charge now, not a tool carrying out orders. He enjoyed the high-profile gigs he was getting, the ones that involved scouting, logistics… Even the work for Blue-Eyes he had loved.

A shiver ran down his spine. Was he so angry, so reluctant, because he didn’t want a quiet life, or was he angry because him leading a quiet life wasn’t beneficial to Blue-Eyes’ plans? Would he want him to resist this treatment plan? If he said no to Fuentes today, Mr. B’s “blank canvas” body was still on the table for V to take. A new, strong, healthy body without months-long impairment, bedrest, long-term damages and other potential side-effects. All at the small cost of potentially losing himself forever and becoming a tool again, but this time in the hands of a corporation V had even less a grasp and understanding of than Arasaka.

He shuddered.

“Fuck… Alright, fine. We can give it a try,” he said, gritting his teeth, “You say temporarily… how long?”

Fuentes shrugged and shook her head.

“I suggest tackling it in the same timeframe as the surgery,” she said, “But it could be necessary to leave everything shut down for longer than the projected healing time. Maybe we can slowly reintroduce some parts of your system if the recovery goes well. But ideally, I would like to keep everything shut off until the nanobots prove to be effective in undoing some of the damage the Relic did to your nervous system.”

V sighed heavily, slumping back in his chair, and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his left hand.

“We can take a break if you want to,” Fuentes suggested, “I know it’s a lot.”

“No, it’s alright,” V shook his head, “Just trying to mentally prepare myself for the bad news.”

He opened his eyes just a crack, peeking past his fingers.

“Cause so far all that still sounds mostly positive, despite the sacrifices and setbacks.”

Kerry nodded.

“Yeah, so far all sounds doable. And promising.”

Fuentes shifted in her seat slightly.

“I’m glad you think so,” she said, “But yes. I have bad news, too. Not to a degree where this is all doomed to fail, but… complications where I didn’t expect them.”

V sat up straight again, steeling himself.

“I already had the suspicion last week,” Fuentes began explaining, “That whatever is happening to your body currently – the violent seizure-like episodes – is not necessarily tied to the brain damage caused by the gunshot wound or the Relic. I tried to examine the nanobots and the medication you received lately, from your other sources. The medication as such is similar to what I prescribed you with now, and from what you told me, it is helping suppress the worst of the physical symptoms.”

“Yeah, pretty much feelin’ the same as with the other meds,” V confirmed, “Not sure if the disconnected feeling is much better…”

Fuentes turned to Kerry.

“What has your impression of him been this last week?” she asked, catching him slightly off guard.

“Oh, um…” Kerry bounced his leg briefly, looked to the shelves on the side and really thought about it for a few moments, “As like… compared to before he started taking your meds?”

Fuentes nodded, and he looked at V, at their intertwined fingers.

“Today he’s been a bit off,” he then decided to say, “But the weekend especially was good. Felt like we could talk more openly, even about the difficult stuff. He was more present, in the moment, than in a long time.”

V looked to his feet, then slowly back up at Kerry, this time able to hold his gaze.

“Okay,” Fuentes noted, “That sounds good, and I hope it can be attributed to the new medication, even if it is still a bit early to say. I will prescribe you more, and you keep an eye on how you feel and inform me if anything changes – for the better or worse.”

V nodded.

“That being said,” Fuentes continued, and her expression suddenly turned somewhat darker, “I tried to examine the nanobots… but before I could discern anything concrete, they dissolved.”

“They… what now?” Kerry was quicker than V.

“Just like that?” V asked.

The doctor leaned back in her chair slightly, clutching her armrests.

“I kept them in an environment where this shouldn’t have happened,” she explained, gesturing, “As I told you, since they were introduced into your body in an atypical way, potential dissolving was something I feared could happen, so I took all usual countermeasures. The fact that it still happened seemed… targeted.”

“Not sure I’m following,” V said, but he was, more than that. He only needed to hear it from Fuentes as well to make sure his paranoia wasn’t completely off the rails.

“My guess is, these are not intended to be examined by outsiders,” Fuentes said, “We had mechanisms like that in place at BioDyne, too. Remotely triggered or inbuilt self-destruction switches, should prototypes and the like breach containment or get into the wrong hands.”

“So, them not being contained in the pills, or being outside of my body…” V wondered out loud.

“There could be all sorts of triggers,” Fuentes nodded, “Depends on the resources of whoever constructed them.”

V glanced at Kerry, whose face was just as grim.

“That would fit the MO of the person they came from,” V said, still not keen on telling Fuentes too much about Blue Eyes.

“I figured,” she said, “But I will ask no further. Though I am disappointed I didn’t get the chance to have a closer look at them, and that I can’t tell you exactly what their purpose was.”

“They did something to my brain to make me dependent on the pills, so they can continue doing whatever they were doing,” V recounted, and Fuentes nodded slowly.

“The brain scans support this in the sense that your nervous system’s structure was slowly being altered, but it is hard to say what the end goal was… Only that most changes took place in areas tied to sense of self, self-preservation and impulse-control, memory, emotion…”

Mind control, V thought, but did not say it. The same thing Vik had already suspected and that he and Kerry were suspecting ever since V had returned from the Crystal Palace gig.

“Keeping me alive and making me obedient,” V said quietly, and Kerry squeezed his hand a little tighter. Fuentes just looked at him intensely for a moment, then back to her datapad.

“Thankfully though,” she continued, “the BioDyne bots may be able to reverse even these changes. Along with repairing the remaining damage from the gunshot wound, as well as any structural changes the engram caused. And with that, in the long term, there is a chance your body can recover, too. With… strings attached.”

Of course. V said nothing, only listened this time.

“I compared the state of your body to that of a person struggling with an autoimmune disorder before,” Fuentes explained, “Only that it is not your immune system acting up, but your nervous system, very, very simply put.”

“Right…”

“The point of the nanobots is rewiring your nervous system back to a previous state in which your body did not attack itself, where it was compatible with your engram… where it could be possible to think about, in the very long term, years maybe, trying to find a way to transfer your engram back into your body, making the Relic obsolete.”

“Sounds like you’re trying to sell me shit in a golden wrapper,” V did not like Fuentes painting a bright and happy future this far away. She shifted in her seat.

“Fine. If everything works as intended… it is likely that, with basically resetting your brain and nervous system to an older state, you could experience memory loss. To a significant extent.”

V had to let that sink in for a moment.

“How significant? Like… just, all of it gone, or what? Gotta learn how to talk and eat and walk again?”

“Not quite as drastic, I hope,” Fuentes said, “But I cannot fully exclude it either. This has never been done before.”

“Hang on though like… You can’t say, ‘drastic memory loss, but maybe not so drastic’,” Kerry interjected. Even through his dark sunglasses V could tell how tense his stare was.

Fuentes hesitated and folded her hands in her lap.

“Let me try and rephrase it,” she then said, “It is possible that you forget anything that happened between the Relic being activated and Mikoshi. Or potentially even until the present moment. Or maybe only what happened between Mikoshi and now, while keeping the memories of before your psyche was digitized intact. I really cannot tell for sure.”

She pulled up V’s most recent brain scans on her screen again.

“I had assumed last week, since your personality is stored on the biochip, so would be your memories – meaning, anything that happened after your consciousness was digitalized, should be stored on the chip, too, which would work in our favor. Everything secure in one external place while your body recovers.”

“But that’s… not the case?”

“The brain scans show activity in areas of your organic memory, which you would likely lose during the restructuring. In an even worse case scenario, you could lose parts of your organic memories but not all of them. I also cannot say how substantial these memories are, nor from what timeframe, and if they could influence your personality and decision-making in the future.”

V didn’t even want her to explain this further. In fact, he had to do his hardest not to start laughing about the absurdity of this situation. He huffed and shook his head. Worst case scenario of all of this would literally be like Johnny was back again, only that a different version of himself would pop up arguing with him, bickering, telling him what a fucking gonk he had been to take Fuentes up on her offer in the first place.

“If this happens,” Fuentes continued, “It could lead to symptoms similar to those the engram triggered: psychosis, mood swings, unpredictable behavior...”

“I figured…” V said sternly. Fuentes kept talking, but her voice drifted further and further away, drowned out by a ringing in V’s ears that steadily increased in volume.

“The rewiring process itself will likely also be painful, comparable to what you went through when the engram took root. Your personality could shift and change, you might end up being a very different person from who you are now.”

Kerry rubbed V’s knuckles gently, but V kept his eyes closed. The room had begun spinning around him.

“Need some fresh air?” Kerry asked.

V said nothing, just nodded. Kerry didn’t hesitate, got up, and gently pulled V with him.

He said something to Fuentes, but V didn’t understand either of their words anymore. Blindly he followed Kerry through the hallways, half-dragged, half-guided along. Time seemed to be standing still and they just floated by. Then suddenly warmth and dust and noise above and all around them, and before V had really grasped it fully, Kerry sat him down on a bench within the courtyard of the MedCenter. They were surrounded by tall walls and hundreds of windows, a few other people sat and walked here, smoking, eating, talking, some of them visitors, others patients. There were a handful of thick trees in concrete beds, surrounded by winding coarse gravel paths, a brutalist Japanese zen garden. Even so though, the bright greens and crunch of the uneven ground beneath their soles was a welcome change of scenery.

Kerry sat down on the bench next to V, still holding his hand.

“Came here a couple times while you were knocked out still after your accident,” he said quietly, “Not as far as all the way back down for a smoke break.”

“It’s nice,” V said, but his words sounded as hollow as his chest and head were, echoing through his body and leaving him even more empty. Kerry looked at him intensely, V knew it without having to turn his head, but he remained silent. They just sat side by side for a couple of minutes, and V stared into nothingness, tried to focus on his breathing, the heaviness of his own body, the wind and the sunshine. In the end it was Kerry who managed to find words first.

“Overall… I expected it to be worse, gotta admit,” he said, “She’s got a plan at least. And she’s transparent about the risks.”

“Mh-hmm.”

“Vince,” Kerry’s voice grew quieter again, and he shuffled slightly when he took off his sunglasses, “You’re worried that…”

V swallowed.

“What I’ve been most scared of the whole time…” he started slowly, referring to the night he walked out of Arasaka Tower, since Vik had confirmed to him that his health would continue to deteriorate, like Alt had told him, “Was that I’d grow so emotionally numb that I’d no longer be able to feel anything for you. That my feelings would just fade away together with me.”

“You think that’ll happen?” Kerry wondered. His voice was calm, but V could still hear a hint of worry, felt it in the tenseness of his body so close by his side. Finally, he found the strength to turn his head and look him in the eyes, big and bright and so damn worried.

“I dunno,” he said, truthfully, because none of them could know anything for sure, if not even Fuentes did as an expert in her field, “But just the thought of… forgetting even a fraction of what we’ve been through. Our late-night conversations down by the Pacifica pier, the impromptu Badlands trips. Our heart-to-heart at Dark Matter, you playin’ your new song to me on Kovachek’s yacht. Hell, our first meeting and everything in-between then and now. The possibility of losing even just a single moment of that kills me.”

Kerry hesitated briefly, looked away, down to their hands, then back at V.

“Fuentes said she’s not sure it’s even gonna happen like that,” he said, but V shook his head.

“No, maybe not. Maybe I’ll just lose my fuckin’ mind for good before I forget anything.”

“Vince…”

V turned away and tried to force his heart to beat slower by sheer willpower, but he failed. What surprised him more than anything was less that he worried about forgetting all the memories he’d made with Kerry… but the possibility that he’d forget about his experiences with Johnny, too. As much as they’d hated each other some days, V would lie if the whole experience hadn’t significantly shaped him into who he was now, that it made him stronger, even more stubborn and resilient and hungry for life, despite all the odds constantly against him. Would all of that be undone again, all the change, all the growth? Would he return to being the blue-eyed, over-confident beginner-merc strutting through Konpeki Plaza like he owned the place without the cred to prove it? Who was so convinced that the corporate world isn’t half bad, with delusions about returning some day and missing being a little cog in the wheel that just worked and did its thing, blaming responsibility on others always? Who didn’t feel worthy of friendships, not even Jackie, who had treated him more like family than his own parents ever did?

Surely things had happened in the last six months he wouldn’t mind forgetting about for good. But knowing his luck he would remain stuck with these specifically while forgetting the shivers of his first kiss with Kerry or diving down to Laguna Bend with Judy. That he could forget meeting River’s family and finding common ground and even friendship with someone like Panam who was from a whole different world than him, was almost too much to bear.

“Even if you forget about it all,” Kerry then said, slowly and gently pulling at V’s sleeve to make him come closer, “I’ll fuckin’ try my hardest to make you remember and keep our memories alive… and even more important than that: you’ll still be around so we can make new memories together, right?”

“Ah fuck,” V sighed and rubbed his eyes. The numbness and cold that had accompanied him all morning was still weighing heavily on him, but it finally started to become more bearable.

“Try and stop me,” Kerry whispered against V’s hair as he pulled him into a proper hug again. He knew that Kerry was just as scared as him, of the challenges to come if he – they – went through with Fuentes’ plan. But yes… should it all work out, and V hoped so much it would for Kerry’s sake alone, they’d at least get the chance to walk into the future together.

Slowly he raised his arms to loosely hug Kerry back.

“What if I don’t forget,” he mumbled against Kerry’s chest, “… but change in a way so you don’t love me anymore?”

Kerry chuckled lowly.

“Don’t think a timeline like that even exists, ya gonk.”

V couldn’t see his face, but he could hear that he smiled. He wasn’t sure what to respond to a reply so confident.

“Ya know,” Kerry then said after a short pause, “In a way, what this is, ‘s just a change. Nothin’ more natural than things changin’. Admittedly not as fast and drastically but… Not sure where I’m even goin’ with this... But sometimes change can be good, too. You’ve definitely changed me for the better, ‘n that at a time when I was so trapped in my own fuckin’ life the only way out I saw was the barrel of my gun.”

He shuddered barely noticeably, the slightest tremor in his voice. V shivered too, reminded once again how damn lucky and unlikely of a coincidence it had even been that they met at all. Just in time, maybe for both of them.

“So, like…” Kerry cleared his throat, “Even if for some insane reason this whole thing turns you into the biggest asshole since Johnny Silverhand… I’ll remember who you are now, who you were when you stumbled into my life, and every moment in-between. Everythin’ you did for me. I sure as hell will fight like crazy to help you change for the better, too, and see a light at the end of the tunnel again. Don’t worry about where the next step’ll lead ya to, focus on just getting’ there in the first place. Everythin’ else we’ll figure out as we go, we’re good that that. You’re good at that. Have always been, from what you’ve told and shown me and how I’ve gotten to known ya at your core.”

V had to let all of that sink in as they just sat and held each other. The people walking by surely stared and wondered what was going on. Not that V cared in particular right now, but as usual he lowkey worried someone might recognize Kerry here after all, even though he was semi-undercover.

“Did I ever tell ya how much I love it when you’re down-to-earth like this?” V then decided to say, and Kerry chuckled gently.

“Think so, yeah,” he said.

“Good,” V nodded, still holding on tightly, “You make it so easy for me to just… be vulnerable. Dunno how you do it. I can’t really be like this with most other people. But with you it’s different. It’s easy, and it feels good.”

Kerry smiled and hugged him a bit more tightly. V paused for a moment.

“You really think we’ll manage?”

“For sure,” Kerry nodded without hesitation, and V sighed.

He wanted to believe it so badly, wanted a fraction of Kerry’s confidence when so often it had been the other way around, he had been the confident one that Kerry leaned against. It felt like they had arrived at a crossroads this very moment, where their roles would be reversed for good for the foreseeable future. V had to hand over the reins and hope things would fall into place somehow, just like Kerry said.

V slowly let go of him, sat back up, but then pressed his forehead against Kerry’s.

“Alright,” he whispered, “For a future together. Whatever it may be like.”

*****************

>> Next Chapter (tba)

*****************

Notes:

This chapter was a struggle for many reasons, hence no update in such a long time - temporarily it was at almost 11,000 words because there was so much I wanted to include, but I decided there will be room for that at a later point still xD

Anyway! There is a plan now to safe V 👀 and I'm also just a sucker for being able to be vulnerable in all shapes and forms with your partner, no matter if it's fully letting go and dropping all inhbitions in the bedroom or crying in public about how fucking unfair life is, but at least you don't have to face the horrors alone xD

Fingers crossed the next chapter will come sooner, as it's also one I've played through in my head so much 👀 Judy finally returns to NC for a visit!

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[batsplat]

after 2015 until 2018 it seemed that things had calmed down a bit between valentino and marc, in the sense that they had started to be polite between them again and valentino no longer seemed to be on a war footing. then after argentina obviously the situation worsened again. in the podcast where valentino spoke in 2021 if I'm not mistaken, when he talks about marc,however, he only refers to the events of sepang and not to what happened in argentina which instead seemed to have been the final “divorce”. so my question is, during 2016 and 2017 did valentino just pretend to put up with marc? because in that podcast you can feel valentino's resentment is still a lot even after many years, so I imagine it must have been even greater in the two years immediately following sepang, even if it didn't seem if you see how he behaved

well. look. it was reflected in how valentino behaved... I think sometimes if you see isolated photos and gifsets, you can maybe be left with a bit of a mistaken impression of what that dynamic actually looked like for those two years. they got to a point post-catalunya where they were civil to each other, and maybe they'd exchange two lines in greeting, at podium celebrations, when somebody in a presser made a joke... and maybe marc at the very least was sincerely hoping they could get back to something like what they had before 2015. in reality, though, it was still very very far away. it wasn't open hostilities... at some point in 2016, valentino realised he simply couldn't go on like this. I talked about it a bit here:

you get this discrepancy in his 2016 output, actually. if you compare what he's saying that autumn for written press interviews vs what he's saying with marc right next to him... he'd clearly decided there was zero point in directly fanning the flames. at the sepang 2016 presser when marc and him are quizzed on what had happened the previous year, he just goes with marc's response and decides against reopening the controversy by adding anything from his side. but he still made it clear he hadn't changed his mind in interviews from the exact same time period! at times, he tolerates marc's tentative advances - at other times, he's almost accidentally sucked in, like he can't quite help himself from laughing at something marc has said. but there was never a period where he forgave marc for what he'd done... for various reasons he just decided he wasn't going to harp on about it too much. he did basically say as much post-argentina 2018:

but yeah, argentina 2018. it's an interesting one, isn't it? the stuff that valentino says there doesn't actually feel... quite in line with anything else he's said about marc. typically, when valentino criticises marc, it really is all about sepang 2015 - it's very focused, very specific, he's talking about being unable to forgive marc on a personal level for something marc had done to valentino... but it's not like he's really coming at marc for anything else... when other riders have gotten into spats with marc, he's stayed out of it - and generally he remains pretty neutral when he talks about everything else concerning marc. so, for example, there's a world where the moment alex rins is saying marc doesn't respect other riders in 2019, valentino immediately jumps at the opportunity to offer his hot take... but he doesn't do that. and yes, he had criticised marc's riding before, in particular in marc's moto2 days, but obviously those criticisms were considerably more restrained and sounded at times quite worried for marc's sake. (he also got close to that in silverstone 2016 when he remarked marc had 'something special' for their battles, but a) he's not wrong, except insofar as it's clearly mutual, and b) he explicitly said he didn't have a problem with that fight and considered it hard but fair). in 2017, when valentino was criticising other riders for being too aggressive... well, he wasn't doing so with marc, and he even conceded the point to marc in subsequent races after marc had obliquely criticised valentino at cota for his rhetoric not matching up to his own riding. when valentino's young riders have gotten into their own spats with marc, he's not waded in either, at most saying stuff about marc's fight with pecco that from his lips sounds almost like something akin to praise. radio silence after bez's run in with marc at the end of last year... argentina 2018 is the exception not the rule

and you know... at the end of the day, that was an emotional reaction. valentino might be wearing the habitual smile on his face during the media debrief and sound reasonably calm and composed, but he was furious. which, it's always worth remembering, isn't an entirely unreasonable reaction to that specific situation. yes, valentino doesn't have a clean track record either, but you're going to struggle to find such a... weaponised carelessness, a blatant disinterest in his fellow riders while shoving them aside, in the way marc was exhibiting that day - and indeed that whole weekend. looking back, of course argentina 2018 ended up being an isolated blot on marc's track record that he's not come close to repeating since (yes, he's made high profile errors that took out other riders, but it's different)... but we didn't know that at the time. also, I doubt valentino much appreciated being treated just like an obstacle in marc's path! the fact that valentino wasn't the only marc victim that weekend kind of has an interesting effect, because you have to doubt whether it would have helped if valentino felt like he was being targeted specifically by marc, but on the other hand... well, it's almost disrespectful, isn't it... being singled out is in a way still better than being brushed aside like any other rider

still, valentino's pushing it with his criticisms, he's out of line, and he clearly did lash out in the heat of the moment - which was of course largely a product of the resentment he'd been holding onto those past two years. calling marc's behaviour that day dangerous? sure, you'd find a lot of agreement for that. saying that marc was ruining the sport? that he was intentionally causing other riders to crash? ... well, hold on one moment. I reckon the simplest explanation is the best one here: valentino was angry and said stuff he wouldn't otherwise say, which we know because he's not done so before or since. of course, he was never going to retract what he said about marc that day - he wasn't ever going to apologise for it. not with their history, not when there was still just enough about those argentina comments that he meant... so he wasn't going to feel too much regret about the bits he wouldn't have said under any other circumstance. the problem post-2015 for valentino is that constantly signalling his fury to the world wasn't doing him much good... but pretending like everything was just fine clearly also took a bit of a toll. argentina 2018 wiped the slate clean - even though they gradually crept back towards basic civility after that. and valentino really didn't continue with that line of critique... since then he's basically completely reverted back to a sepang 2015-centric approach. maybe a few hints at it... in 2021, he said something along the lines of how he doesn't feel good when he's on-track with marc, but that's pretty generic while also crucially being personal - he's not saying marc is a problem for the series, he's saying it's them specifically that have an issue with each other

which doesn't mean he didn't believe what he said in argentina 2018 in the moment... when they reconvened in cota and had marc and valentino do separate media debriefs from the main presser, valentino said he stood by his comments - but also didn't actually repeat them or elaborate on them or anything. he's back to terse short responses to the press' questions, saying he wants to focus on the race ahead: kind of the go-to approach when it comes to marc post-sepang (with notable exceptions). he's walked his strongest comments back as much as he was probably ever going to - by simple virtue of the fact that he's left it at that. and you know, he's a complicated guy... 2016-17 was both pretending and it also wasn't. he didn't act like everything was forgotten, but he certainly was willing to let people believe that this relationship might end up being mended - which quite frankly was probably never going to happen. mostly, he was just sort of sick of the whole thing, struggling to enjoy himself in what had become such a charged, hostile environment for all the riders involved. at the same time, look - fundamentally, the interpersonal chemistry with marc was always fine. they click as people! they click as riders! marc makes valentino laugh! sometimes, that line between 'pretending' and 'letting yourself pretend' and 'actually not pretending at all' can be quite thin. when valentino talks in that time period about how much he enjoyed a battle with marc, of course he isn't lying - because he really does enjoy those fights! that's what racing is all about for him, and that's something him and marc still share! as long as marc isn't barging him aside and causing him to crash, that is. maybe it'd be easier if it were all a pretence, but it wasn't... sometimes, when you say you thought a race was hard and fair, you really do mean it and you really did have a lot of fun. sometimes, the struggle isn't actually acting nice for the cameras, it's trying to bite down the temptation to laugh alongside your sworn enemy

see also assen 2016... like, isn't this kinda wild? you've just had catalunya the race before, you've just had the mere semblance of a tentative start to a possible reconciliation - then they return to the place that was really the beginning of the end for them. they go on a few track familiarisation laps, including to check out the resurfaced final chicane (aka the scene of the crime). they race each other on said track familiarisation laps. then marc brings it up in the presser, giggling about the whole thing, and apparently valentino also finds it pretty funny - before he visibly swallows up his grin. later that weekend, marc pointedly decides to try out valentino's final chicane move himself during the warm up session. this is all obviously deranged, but it's a type of deranged where they are fundamentally on the same wavelength. it's the kind of ridiculous behaviour they're both incredibly fond of... you see it in how valentino shrugs off the towing at catalunya 2019, and thinks it speaks to marc's smarts and wiliness - unsurprising, really, because they're so similar in that regard, and valentino has never shaken his admiration for marc as a competitor

valentino can clamp down on his animosity towards a rival during his direct interactions with them... lord knows if you watch a few of the casey and valentino face-to-face interactions over the years, you really wouldn't match that up with the sheer vitriol of some of the stuff they were concurrently saying about each other in the press. that rivalry was never really personal (on valentino's end), it was never fraught in the same way (for valentino anyway) - still, it shows he's theoretically capable of separating this stuff out when he needs to... and he just about managed with marc for two years. if he had just been waiting for an excuse, surely you would have heard at least a hint of that when him and marc swapped paint in 2017. you never quite knew how he was going to answer the inevitable questions about marc's riding, but no direct criticism was forthcoming at any stage. the post-argentina 2018 rhetoric wasn't in any way premeditated from valentino's side, and personally I don't think he was just waiting for an excuse either. it was the result of a constant internal conflict between knowing that engaging in any more active beef with marc wouldn't do anyone any good, and the fact that he still hadn't forgiven marc... and then a race came along that simply pissed him off enough to push him over the edge

from 2016 onwards, valentino both very much wanted and very much did not want further conflict with marc, and neither of those impulses ever quite go away. usually, he's disciplined enough to avoid stoking the flames any further... potshots to the press outside of the paddock are essentially a free and harmless outlet in that regard, and even there you can tell he was trying to scale it back in the years where he was being forced to directly interact with marc. he was pretending and not pretending and sometimes pretending like he wasn't pretending and sometimes pretending like he was pretending. maybe it would have always just taken one major on-track confrontation for things to fall apart between them again... but you do kinda have to acknowledge the whole thing was really unfortunate. I've long thought that something like sepang 2015 was pretty inevitable as long as valentino managed to put himself in title contention once marc had joined the premier class, but I don't actually feel the same way about argentina 2018. an awful marriage of circumstance and coincidence and bad choices caused the relationship to fall apart again this badly. valentino might have had some more or less sincere misgivings about marc's riding, but at the end of the day he wasn't going to ever express them unless it got personal - because all of these people are incredibly self-centred and valentino wouldn't have felt like it was worth it. he lost his temper, he said some stuff he might partly but not fully believe, he's not inclined to bring it up again. that's that

[myheroblogs]

The Kindest Power: How Midoriya might save Tenko

Originally, this post was supposed to be a response to another post about 411 (Yes, I'm late), about why Yoichi might be oddly calm when Shinomori was stolen. This post itself was also going to be more of a continuation of my previous post about the true nature of One For All and All For One.

But while thinking of this post, I may have went into a deep rabbit hole and uncovered the ending of My Hero Academia, how Midoriya might save Tenko and defeat All For One.

Okay, so buckle your seatbelts, this might be one of the craziest theories yet-

The other post by @shiroforest in which this post was going to be a response to was actually more of a DFO post. The usual, Yoichi hiding a secret that Midoriya has AFO or something.

I'd like to say that they may have been right. Well, half right. Midoriya DOES have All For One. Not in the way you might think.

One For All IS the same as All For One. I made this post all about this subject, that Yoichi and AFO were most likely identical twins, and since quirks are genetic, they were supposed to have the same quirk. But due to TTTS, Yoichi's quirk couldnt develop properly, thus manifesting differently from All For One

ThIs seems to have aged really well in the following chapter:

Essentially, Yoichi's quirk was just a half-baked version of All For One. It also explains why it was able to merge easily with an entirely different quirk (Stockpile). Since Yoichi's quirk was half-baked and incomplete, it was much easier for it to adapt and merge into another quirk entirely (If Yoichi's quirk was fully formed, it would've stayed seperate)

Okay, so OFA was AFO but incomplete. How does this factor in with that panel of Yoichi, or MHA's endgame?

Well, it was incomplete.

This started changing 200 chapters ago. Where, according to Banjo, it started growing. The metaphor used is very interesting now we know OFA's circumstances.

Apparently in the original Japanese text, the metaphor used is just like an unborn child, growing and kicking in the womb.

And we know that OFA was underdeveloped because Yoichi was deprived of the nutrients to fully mature before birth.

OFA, from the beginning of Ch 193, has actually resumed its development process. Finishing off where it left off, and started growing as it matured.

The time it made contact with All For One in ch 287 must've quickened the process. After that event, the OFA Users managed to finally come out and communicate with Midoriya directly.

Remember what I said about how OFA was supposed to be the same as AFO, just halted during the development process?

Yes, you heard me right.

Midoriya and Shigaraki are fighting with the same quirk right now.

Horikoshi likes to put double meaning in his panels. If a speech bubble is displayed on an unrelated character, that means Horikoshi wants us to see a connection with what's being said to this other character

Yoichi is looking at his hand, which is actually also the exact same hand in which he passed on OFA to Kudo before his death. His power of giving, juxtaposed with the mention of the power of stealing by En.

There is a chance that Yoichi might've been thinking about what to do with the situation, he could be thinking of taking Shinomori back, or just speculating about what he can really do. Either way, it's actually foreshadowing. That Yoichi might be able to take just as much as give.

Perhaps, at this point of the story, One For All is already fully complete. Because Midoriya can now seemingly just throw or give away the quirks stored in OFA the exact same way AFO can give away quirks in his disposal as of the newest chapter, ch 413. Without the old complicated process beforehand of consuming DNA or something. (Watch this age horribly next chapter, but I think that's what will happen)

The only thing that's missing now is the trigger. All thats left is for Midoriya to instinctively think of "taking" to trigger the ability at this point.

But what would trigger Midoriya into taking?

Perhaps, to save a life.

I think it's clear that Horikoshi is currently using quirks as a representation for a person's heart and soul. After all, they are also called "individuality".

Even though AFO uses his power in cruel ways, Yoichi says that the power to "give and take" could have been the "kindest" power in the whole world. He's referring to both here, "taking" can be just as kind as "giving".

Maybe this power can save just as much as destroy.

As of Ch 413, Kudo makes a plan with Midoriya to basically fire OFA's quirks at Shigaraki to free Tenko Shimura, the child.

But what happens when Tenko is free? There is a chance he might be vulnerable to AFO (his abuser) and Tomura Shigaraki (the two are constantly seperated in the narrative)

Both might want to destroy Tenko, especially the former. Midoriya, out of desperation to try and save the crying child, might unlock OFA's "taking" ability, getting the child away from AFO's grasp. This probs has to happen right before Midoriya gets ready to throw One For All.

I think this might also be the part where the door of OFA gets unlocked. It's a back-door, a way in and out. The hand in which Tomura grabbed the Shinomori was OVER where the door is supposed to be.

When Midoriya unlocks the ability to take, the door might be opened in which Midoriya and maybe even Yoichi save Tenko and bring him into the OFA space.

Rather than a forceful "take" like AFO does, it's presented as a choice. Tenko is given the choice in which he can come with Midoriya or stay where he is now. Because saving is a two way street.

Since heart = quirk, having Tenko might also take away Decay, which would also prevent the incoming mass destruction.

(Make this more heartbreaking if Nana was already taken at this point by AFO, and she's the one trying to protect Tenko long enough till Midoriya and Yoichi take him away. They also try to save Nana but are unable to, Nana apologising for not being there for Tenko and asks them to take care of her grandson, argghhh-)

Here's a scenario of how I think it might all go down:

When Tenko is saved, this leaves Midoriya vs AFO and Tomura, desperate to get Decay back and OFA. Midoriya desperately tries to defend Tenko. Tenko, now in the OFA space, sees Midoriya's genuine desire to protect him, something he was desperate wished for.

This eventually fails, and ShigarAFO gets the opportunity to steal OFA and Tenko a few times, perhaps losing the remaining vestiges until only Yoichi and Tenko are left. Finally having enough, Tenko ends up intervening, and decays the hand that was reaching into the OFA space.

Its a perfect callback to the times Midoriya has saved before. Not only does Midoriya save people no matter what, his actions would in turn also inspire others to act too. He saved Eri, and so her power later saved him. He saved Kota, and Kota then used his quirk to protect Midoriya. It's perfect, because Tenko Shimura is the combination of both characters.

Remember how the quirks in OFA were enhanced due to stockpile?

Tenko, while defending Midoriya and OFA, also ends up decaying a portion of AFO's quirks as a result of being enhanced by OFA.

So this leads to Tenko suggesting he goes back in there to destroy AFO and his quirks from within.

Yoichi is unsure at first, since Star also tried the same thing, she eventually got destroyed before she managed to destroy all the other quirks. So the only way for Tenko to be successful is for OFA to go with him, so it could be strong enough to destroy it all at once before Tenko is destroyed.

This could also lead to OFA being destroyed too, Yoichi holding back his brother long enough when only OFA and AFO are what's left to keep him away from Tenko, allowing him to finish it all off once and for all. There's a good chance Tenko won't make it out either. In a sense, Tenko Shimura fulfills his dream that he was denied of all his life and dies a hero.

This is the big moment in which Midoriya has to prove whether he is the same as those in Tenko's family (denying him), or be someone who can finally give him the words that he always yearned for, the validation that "You can be a hero".

Midoriya's final test is letting someone go.

Maybe this isnt just the closure Tenko needs, but for all three of them (Yoichi, Midoriya, Tenko). These three were the ones denied of becoming heroes one way or another, finally being given the chance.

It's a triple sacrifice.

Horikoshi planned this from the start, Ch 193 and onwards were all build up towards this very moment. Bakugo noting that OFA being the same as AFO almost 200 chapters wasn't just some observation or symbolic parallel, it was set up. Because the two are one and the same, and it's the very key to Midoriya's goal in saving Tenko Shimura.

I know, some might not agree, it might even be controversial because of how similar this is to AFO, but I'd like to say that it might not be like that.

A big theme in MHA is how one's quirk, personality, or nature isn't all that makes a person a villain or a hero, it's also the nurture and how they use it. A power used for "destruction" can also be used for "salvation". The power that can be used in the most cruellest ways can also be the kindest. This applies to both All For One (in the form of One For All) and Tenko's decay.

I don't know, what do you think? Crazy? I would agree that Horikoshi is crazy if this happens to be accurate-