#and yes tarsus is absolutely a thing here

[thegeminisage]

as someone who wasn't around in 2014....can you tell me what it was like? (stucky) can you give me a taste of the gardens of babylon etc

what was it like...this is such a fun question i want you to know i gave serious thought to my answer and also discussed it at length with my 2014 friend last night and i know already it's gonna be so long. sorry that i answered your ask at fuck o clock in the morning i am scheduling it to go up later and also at the time you sent the ask in to make sure you see it

ok so like. i mean, you're on the fandom website, right, so i assume youve been in fandoms. idk if youve ever been in a really, REALLY big fandom, at the same time that said fandom was also producing content (even if the source material was not). think d*stiel post nov 5, or undert*le circa late 2015/early 2016, or z*lda after totk came out, or h*rry p*tter as the seventh book was being released. (i'm censoring to avoid a false positive of anybody's blacklist except in the case of the last one, which i am censoring out of <3 disrespect.) like there's something REALLY luxurious about being in ANY large and active fandom and it's mostly the power of crowdsourcing. st*r tr*k 2009's tarsus iv headcanons. the storm trooper lore re: the f*rce awakens before the second two movies came out. everyone just kind of agreeing that dean w*nchester was a teenage hooker. you know?

like, that's "just fanon," sure, but part of the beauty of it is that no one person makes up fanon, we all gather in the biggest writing group in the world and collectively go insane and bat ideas back and forth. there are a hundred THOUSAND fics about bucky barnes on ao3 and that's just the people who were writing, not even counting artists and gifmakers and meta-writers and people who just reblog stuff. i can't possibly begin to put an accurate number to how many people are in any given fandom at any given time, but imagine (on the low end, i'm sure) there are THOUSANDS, perhaps tens of thousands, of people going nuts about stevebucky at all times. tens of THOUSANDS people doing "yes and" with each other on the internet 24 hours a day seven days a week. it's just like being in any fandom, you log on to your dash and see what the mewchies posted while you were gone, but in a fandom so huge and so active you were getting bombarded with idea after idea after idea every single second, so if you don't like one you're spoiled for choice in what you engage with next. it didn't even matter that cap3 was two years away or that it sucked when it finally got here because we collectively wrote cap3 a million times over. like, genuinely, it was a mass creative exercise. it's the biggest writing group in the world. for better or worse, we were shaping our own version of that universe, without any input from or regard to the people who actually created the characters and movie, in a way that compelled most strongly to our own tastes and demographic.

what made this particular movie/fandom special though was a few things. firstly i still genuinely believe it was ahead of its time...marvel shit pre disney was allowed to be political in ways it is ABSOLUTELY not now. like, cap2 could say "the government is secretly full of nazis and they all need to burn" in 2014 two years before the 2016 election and 7 years before jan 6. like you just couldn't say that now. "war bad" is an oldie but goodie, but "our entire government is corrupt and needs to be torn into flaming pieces and cast into the potomac" is um. pretty radical. so is, by the way, "men as victims" and "men having emotions" etcetc. like, not in fandom, fandom all but invented that shit, but as far as dumb superhero movies go. i can't tell you the number of metas i read AND WROTE discussing steve rogers and masculinity and how all that was portrayed, intentionally or not, in that fucking film. i had entire separate universes built up in my head for steve who was born a cis girl and steve who decided later in life that "nonbinary" or "trans woman" was a better fit and then steve who was born as a cis boy and remained a man his whole life but felt weird and different ways about being queer which clashed with the weird and different ways BARNES felt about being queer. i'm not saying the film (or the fandom! good lord) was perfect, it was a product of its time, but it was also WAY ahead of its time too. it was weird to expect the next film to come out and actually, like, be good. it wasnt, but we fully believed it would be and that wasn't delusional behavior because the last one had been. i would never have that kind of faith in a marvel project now because they've been bought by disney.

oh yeah and that's the other thing too like. speaking of queer people. gay marriage wasn't legal in the US on a federal level until 2015, and you couldn't just flip on your TV and see them whenever you wanted. ten years doesn't seem like that long ago in the grand scheme of things but like, we lived on glee and cw/mtv queerbait (disclaimer that i personally only participated in cw queerbait) and that was it. we had crumbs. and like when people write gay characters theyre Just Gay, but if you decide to be crazy stupid in a slash fandom you can decide these layered characters are gay and that's even better rep than um whatever was going on in other pieces of media. these guys are both so lonely and out of step with time and lack other people with "shared life experiences" (girl what the hell was that) and their connection w each other keeps them afloat in a world that doesn't want them so like of COURSE it seems like it's supposed to be romantic. and like, i could and did make myself and my tumblr buds crrrazy (and got made crazy by them) thinking about:

how steve's size when small and again when big interacted w his gender identity and his sexuality and how that sexuality manifested. barnes's identity As A Man hinging on his ability to go to war for his country bc Thats What Men Did but now he's no longer fit because theres worms in his brain. loss of bodily autonomy which usually happens to women and natasha being later in that journey than steve and bucky are and so close to being at peace with it but not there yet. stigmatization of seeking treatment for mental health issues lessened by the presence of sam who could have been a Macho Tough Guy but actually gives off strong Talk About Our Feelings And Be Soft vibes. don't even get me started on the relationship (predatory) between steve and rumlow and how it parallels the one between barnes and pierce (and if any of you motherfuckers BREATHE a word of that h*dra tr*sh p*rty shit in my direction i will END you) and the stigma that comes from being preyed on when vulnerable As Men. steve's depression and ptsd and him getting triggered by, yes, the fucking ALS ice bucket challenge. the collective belief that he was conscious when he was frozen even though nobody said that so that he and barnes could have that in common too. the headcanon about barnes having roma heritage - shoutout to not easily conquered my beloved, and the 14k smut coda i wrote for it✌ speaking of smut, i would be remiss also not to mention there was a STRONG element of collective lust involved. i'm immune to 99% of it bc im ace but the winter soldier was uh. VERY graceful. you know? i didn't write 14k of porn because i was uncompelled. we were on one. we went fucking crazy. fandom in general but especially big fandoms have a kind of nonstop endless well of creative energy born from obsession that is the absolute envy of people like my mortal enemy grrm. we NEVER quit.

also, HISTORY (and other vaguely educational subjects). we were all so desperate to know how steve and bucky would have lived in the years we couldn't see them it sparked a sitewide interest in 1940s american history. there was a thing about bananas tasting different now because of a plague. m&ms being invented as wartime candy. stuff about how shoebox apartments looked and how rations worked. 1940s recipes and radio shows. the 1940s queer movement and how it interacted with ballroom dancing and private drag get-togethers. how amputations work and how prosthetic limbs work in real life so we could extrapolate it to fantasy. how to hand-draw that fucking arm in photoshop. why soldiers are trained to say their serial numbers when captured. what ww2 was like. what dog tags are for. what did they get in the ration packs. what brand of cigarettes did they smoke. what brand (and i am being so serious, i STILL own a tube) of LIPSTICK did peggy carter use. caloric intake of someone with a 4x speed metabolism and how much famine peanut butter he'd need to eat daily to keep from starving to death. oppression of irish immigrants and their children/grandchildren back in the 1940s. the difference between conservatives and fascists, back when there was a difference. what activities generally took place on these mysterious but ever-present new york city docks. just exactly HOW many terrible movies and tv shows has sebastian stan been in ranked by his resemblance to james buchanan barnes in each one. (i personally went through his entire imdb list at the time and then made a venn diagram.) electroswing! teachers and professors would have killed for their classes to have the kind of enthusiasm a bunch of mentally ill teenagers and 20-somethings on tunglr dot edu were showing about this one very specific set of subjects. this film also sparked my love of fight scenes. if you've read this fic or this fic and liked the Big Fight Scenes in them, you can thank cap2 for leading me down that path.

and then yes there was also discourse. my personal most hated thing was the above mentioned h*dra tr*sh p*rty (DO NOT GOOGLE THAT, i will just tell you it's nazi rape porn🤢 and i hope everyone involved is having a bad day today) and also the fact that SOME FUCKING PEOPLE can't understand "don't be shitheads about a fanfic where the author can see you doing it." but then ofc people were also sexist about nat and racist about sam and minimalizing those guys (and every other character besides tony really but sometimes him too) for the two white male leads was a whole thing. and on the funnier side of things you had (justifiably, i suppose) bitter st*ny fans who HATED what those two got in avengers and got real mad when stucky started outpacing them on ao3. and people complaining about the characters being too uwu soft. and then other people arguing whether or not barnes counted as disabled when he was missing a Whole arm. and THEN discourse about was it ethical to remove the arm and build him a new one ESPECIALLY without his consent (if people don't know they're being ableist in their fanfics hypothetically is it still ok to kill them with hammers?) and why was tony doing it if that guy killed his parents and is it ok that we keep making tony not that mad about his dead parents is it not enough that barnes stole his limelight as the guy who gets shipped with steve but what if all three of them fucked but can you really fuck the guy who offed your folks but ACTUALLY isn't it cringe to like tony anyway since RDJ and gwenyth paltrow are bad people and who says chris evans are sebastian stan are such good people etcetcetc. and let us not even get started on the plausibility of the avengers tower fanon after age of ultron came out and it turns out nobody became friends and they all still hated and mistrusted each other. and whether or not the avengers could be considered found family if the other characters were constantly getting shafted into being barnes's little support animals. and then ofc every once in awhile one of the actors of people involved creatively would say something ranging from mildly controversial to absolutely horrible on the internet and we'd all fight about THAT for awhile like a dog with a bone. i mean. typical infighting of any fandom tbh.

but i was very happy. it was all the most enormous thought experiment and creative endeavor (and semi-educational adventure??) that we all participated in daily for like two-ish years without stopping ever. i loved doing it. AND, when you click with a piece of media like that, you also click with other people who clicked with that same piece of media, so in addition to the sheer level of dopamine going into my brain at all times i also formed decade-long friendships that will certainly last the entirety of my lifetime, and when we're in our 90s in nursing homes i will be able to say, "we are friends because i wrote 14k of smut for your fanfic" or "we are friends because i couldn't get enough of your gifsets" or whatever because you know, we quite literally went to stucky together.

[monstrousproductions]

OK so bear with me for adding onto an already giant post but! This ask made me really curious about what is said about Jonah in rabbinic literature. This is all from the wikipedia page 'Jonah in Rabbinic Literature' (thanks, wikipedia!) and the citations are mostly from the Yalkut Shimoni and the Zohar, two collections of Torah commentary. I'm not Jewish and I was never very good at exegesis so I'm mostly just relaying what the wikipedia page told me with some light interpretation, so set your expectations accordingly!

My first favourite thing is that when Jonah ran to Jaffa to get the boat to Tarshish (possibly Tarsus, as vaguely alluded to above), he missed the boat by two days. But God had sent a wind to drive it back into port - a wind which only affected that one particular boat, and no others. Rather than seeing this and thinking, "hm, maybe I shouldn't play games with a god who can do that, maybe actually God is still God even when you're on a boat," Jonah - being what we in theological circles term, "a dumbass" - takes this as vindication of his genius plan!

In his glee, excitement and certainty that everything's coming up Jonah, he goes against normal custom which I assume was a half now, half later kind of deal, and pays for the full journey up front - some even say he paid the whole value of the ship, which, why, Jonah? Why would you do that? Love that he paid that much just to be chucked into the ocean, RIP my best beloved.

My next favourite bit is on the boat. The sailors have woken Jonah from his panic nap and established that yes, this horrendous storm is all his fault, but they're not about to just outright murder a guy without a little sure evidence it's the right thing to do! So they take Jonah and they dangle him over the side of the boat, dunking him up to his knees. And the storm quiets down! and they pull him out and the storm picks up again. And they dunk him again, a bit deeper, and the storm quiets down even more! And they DUNK the prophet of God, they DUNK him like a COOKIE in the name of SCIENCE.

Even then, they're still not wild for the murder thing and as they chuck him overboard they're like, making direct eye contact with the sky like, "You know this isn't on us, right? This is not on us!"

And then we get to my absolute favourite part, which is what the Yalkut Shimoni tells us happened while Jonah was in the fish (or rather, what wikipedia tells me the Yalkut Shimoni tells us happened...)

So first, there's a nice bit in the Zohar that mentions that the fish has eyes like windows, or perhaps has a kind of light-emitting pearl hanging from its ribs so it's not completey dark inside. I think it works better as a Sheol metaphor if it's dark, but also, fish-eye windows is a banging aesthetic.

But then the fish tells Jonah that, originally, he was supposed to be eaten by the Leviathan - the OG sea monster - and not this nice handsome fish. Which I suppose must have the implication that the Leviathan is now still out of Jonah but is going to eat the fish too?? Because Jonah asks to be taken to the Leviathan to try and save both his life, and that of his new friend/house/transport.

Upon meeting the Leviathan, Jonah.... "exhibited the seal of Abraham". Which. Um. OK so this is where my caveat above about not being Jewish and also not having been a very good theologian in my day, it all comes up here. Because I'm like hmm OK so is that uhh.... Is that his dick? Like, the sign of Abraham's covenant with God? Circumcision? It kills me. It kills me. I laughed til I cried. He's just down there flashing his junk at this scary sea monster and it works because the Leviathan sees it and runs two days away.

Which also like, I'm sorry Leviathan but are you worried you'll get smote? Because this guy is already in a fish in the bottom of the sea, I know he's one of God's chosen people and all but let's be honest, that's not a circumstance under which I would assume he was one of God's very favourites.

The fish, meanwhile, is delighted! He's so thrilled at not getting eaten that he takes Jonah on a little tour of all the interesting sights at the bottom of the ocean, like "here's where Moses crossed the Red Sea, here's the big treasure chest that opens every few seconds and squirts out bubbles, here's some crabs that eat wood". And Jonah has three days of... a pretty good time, actually!

But God is like, hey! I did not send you down there for a jolly holiday, young man! And sends another, different fish "where he would be less comfortable". This fish is a lady fish and is pregnant, so Jonah's all squashed and cramped inside her - I imagine him with his knees around his ears as these very annoying little baby fish keep asking him if he has any games on his phone. And that finally pushes him to pray to God and admit that OK yeah maybe he can't "outrun the Almighty" or whatever.

Finally, another thing that really cracked me up while talking to a friend about this all was when we were talking about the people of Ninevah. Like, they repented immediately. They just were like, oh shit, we were doing a sin? My bad, dude. Sackcloth and ashes, posthaste!

(A funny aside - there's a decent argument to be made for Jonah originally being written as a parody or satire, and someone is quoted on the wikipedia page as saying the idea of even the animals of Ninevah fasting in repentance is... "silly".)

Which makes Jonah's fury even funnier, and also his reticence to go in the first place, which these commentaries explain as being about his unwillingness to make God? look bad? I don't really follow it fully, I think it's saying that if he went to Ninevah and everyone repented and then didn't get smote, then nobody would believe God could smite people. Which doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but I'm a 21st century Quaker so who knows.

Anyway, that's all from today's issue of You Said Ramble, So I Rambled. Now I'm off to write my mid-budget, hyper stylised Jonah film adaptation starring Dev Patel as Jonah and Adjoa Andoh as the Voice of God.

I would listen to a audio drama about "your boy jonah" but also, tell me about your boy! Here is a free space to ramble. Please info-dump.

Free space to ramble?! Don't mind if I do!

So, in case anyone is unfamiliar with the story of Jonah, it begins with Jonah minding his business and suddenly being called upon by God to go to Ninevah [the capital city of the Assyrian empire] to call them out for their sins. Instead, Jonah seals his place in my heart by running away from God.

I just find it so immediately endearing that his reaction to being given a divinely ordained job to do is to absolutely nope the fuck out and run for the hills. It's not just hilarious, but it also feels so honest? Like yeah sometimes we know rightly what we're supposed to do, either because of the leading of the spirit or because of our own morals, and sometimes it's fucking terrifying!!

So he runs away, he gets on a boat to sail off to Far Off Lands (poss. southern Turkey) and obviously... God knows. Because it's God. You can't just duck behind a tree and suddenly God forgets you're there lol And God is big mad and sends a storm that threatens to break the ship into matchsticks. The sailors are terrified - I imagine them as these hardened sea-faring men who are used to all sorts of things, and this storm is so fierce they're absolutely terrified.

And Jonah... is fast asleep. Conked the fuck out on one of the lower decks, like he isn't moments from being smithereened. Running away from God is a tiring business, I guess! Also, as a chronic procastinapper, I can't help feeling like he just felt like he had too much on his plate and decided napping is way less scary that That Whole Mess.

So the captain drags him up and demands that he pray to his god because clearly the gods of the sailors are not paying attention lol But they also want to know where the storm came from and why, so they draw lots to see who's to blame? And of course Jonah draws the short straw.

And then this bit I imagine Jonah being super sheepish about OK. Because in this era and place, it was quite normal to accept that other people's gods were real and powerful, but they just weren't your gods. But different gods have different areas of power, so the sailors ask Jonah who his god is. And very grudgingly, Jonah admits that ummm yeah ok so actually his god is... the one who created the sea and the land.

And I imagine there's this moment of absolute silence as these sailors take in the fact that this guy has pissed his god off and who's his god again? Oh yeah, only the one who MADE THE OCEAN which is currently trying to KILL THEM.

"So they picked up Jonah and hurled him into the sea."

But Jonah doesn't drown! God sends a fish to swallow him up, and he sits in the fish for three days and prays while he's in there, because actually all things considered it was pretty neat of God to send a fish to swallow him instead of letting him drown and he's like "I think maybe I have got close enough to death and I would like to stop having an adventure now and go back to being all the way alive."

Which is very cool having his time in the fish being this sort of pseudo-death? Like he was getting a little taste of it. And he even talks about it as being in Sheol, and being out of sight of God and longing to be alive and back where God can see him.

So God tells the fish to vomit him up and tells Jonah again to go to Ninevah, which this time he does! It's a huge city, it takes three days to walk across it, but Jonah made a promise and he sticks to it. He walks and talks and the city repents and God relents from whatever punishment he was going to send.

Which, in a turn that never fails to touch my heart, makes Jonah... absolutely fucking livid. He is so mad about this decision. He's like, "I fucking knew it!! I knew you weren't going to smite these fuckers!" and God is like ??? excuuuuse me ???

And Jonah - I love him so much - he storms off, he stomps out of Ninevah and builds himself a little hu and he sits in his hut and he stares at the city, wishing hellfire and damnation on everyone in it, and sulking like nobody on earth. He is raging and I love it.

But it's the fucking Assyrian desert, it's hot as balls and even in his wee hut, Jonah's got the sun beating down on him. And God makes this plant grow next to him for shade, which Jonah is pretty pleased about - until the next morning, God sends a worm that attacks the plant and kills it. And also throws in some scorching winds and fiery sun for good measure.

And Jonah's lying there about to pass out and he's like, "I would literally rather be fucking dead" and then we get my favourite exchange in the whole Bible:

But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?”

“It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.”

I just love it!! He's having none of it! He is furious and he is feeling more righteous and miserable than any angsty teenager ever could and he's telling God straight out, "You have pissed me off like nobody has ever pissed anyone off before" and I love him so much!!

And God points out that he's that angry about the plant dying, which he didn't even grow or tend to, but somehow it's not fair for God to not be particularly keen on destroying an entire megatropolis full of people and animals who by the way God is responsible for and cares for? Double standards much? And the book ends! It's made its point and off it fucks.

Also there's a bit at the end there where it describes the thousands and thousands of people in Ninevah as "not knowing which is their left hand and which is their right" which I assume is a metaphor for not knowing right from wrong but which I also just love as such a read. Like, "Really? You expect me not to look after these people? Look at them. They're morons, Jonah. They're the kind of morons who would think, oh, I don't know, that they could hide from God in a boat."

I just love how angry Jonah is, and how afraid, and how human! And I love that he has this sassy back and forth with God and that he gets angry at God and argues and has to get put in a fish for a time out. It feels like such a close, bickering sort of relationship and I think the world would be a better place if more people felt like they could look God in the eye and say, "YES! I AM ANGRY!! I AM SO ANGRY I COULD DIE!!!"

[iamchrissi]

Castles build in the air

So... Amanda and Winona. Because why not? Amanda is recently divorced from Sarek, in what I think is a similar situation to Uhura and Spock in STID, without the almost death, but with Sarek unintentionally making Amanda feel like he didn't really care for her, and the two of them never talking it out, and then him thinking that if she wants to leave him, it might be the right thing for her even though it's breaking his heart, and like... yeah. It's kind of messy, and they are both heartbroken. And then Amanda meets Winona, who is like, a force of nature, and so different from Sarek, and also all kinds of awesome. (I can't write Winona as an abusive asshole, so in my headcanon she didn't know that Frank was abusing her sons and after the car-of-the-cliff stunt she came home, found out, and kicked Franks ass so hard would have left the planet in fear of her if he wasn't in prison. And then, she stayed home for a year and was awesome with Jim, who adores her, until Jim decided he wanted to try out this awesome schooling program.)

Amanda Grayson meets Winona Kirk on a sunny Friday afternoon. Well, Winona runs into her, actually. Complete with spilled coffee and everything. It's a little bit of a mess.

“I'm really sorry about this.” The blonde woman says. Amanda thinks she's seen her before, somewhere, but she can't really place her. Which is kind of strange, because Amanda is really good at remembering faces, and she doesn't think she'd forget such a beautiful woman.

“Are you okay?” The woman asks, and Amanda realizes she has been staring for the past few moments. She shakes herself, takes stock of her skirt (only a few splashes on it, probably difficult to clean but that's what replicators are for) and her arm (there shouldn't be any burns, the coffee was already half cold), and then nods.

“I'm really sorry, I didn't look where I was going. Seems I got too used to people standing to the sides when I'm going somewhere. I'm Captain of a Starfleet ship, you know, so usually I don't really have to watch where I'm going. I'm Winona, Winona Kirk, by the way. May I buy you a new coffee?” The women, Winona Kirk (the Kelvin widow, and now Amanda remembers watching the memorial, with a young, defiant Winona Kirk and her baby son, the picture that is still shown sometimes when people want to feel patriotic) says with a breathtaking speed. For a moment, all Amanda can do is stare.

“It's alright, fine.” She finally stutters, and curses herself in the next instant. She's a linguist, a famous, respected one, she speaks dozens of languages and has PhDs in seven of them, and yet, here she is, stuttering in the language that she grew up using.

“Oh come on, it's no trouble. You look like you could use something. Maybe a drink? I could use a drink.” Winona (or should she call her Captain Kirk? She'd said that, before, that she is a Starfleet Captain, and most Captain's Amanda knows are extremely proud of their titles) says, handing Amanda a napkin to wipe the coffee of her arm before taking Amanda's hand and pulling her with her.

For a moment, Amanda can only stare at where their hands are joined, shocked at the casual contact. On Vulcan, this would have been a punishable offense, and Amanda wonders if it's the years on her ex-husbands planet that have made her skittish. But then she shakes herself. No, this is not normal, she thinks, not even on earth. This seems to be something that is entirely Winona Kirk.

“A coffee would be nice.” She says, finally, and Winona grins. It's a pretty grin. A very pretty grin, mischievious and clever and with bright blue eyes that only barely hide old wounds.

“Sure you don't want a drink? A drink would help you relax. And I know this awesome bar...” Is Amanda imagining it, or is Winona Kirk flirting with her? She must be imagining it. To little adult human contact in the last few years. She just needs to have a little fling with someone, preferably without Spock ever knowing, and she'll be able to handle situations like this much better.

“I can't. My son is coming home from school soon, and … I don't think having a drink before discussing his homework would be beneficial.” She almost, almost blushes. But maybe the years on Vulcan did her good, after all, because she doesn't.

“Beneficial?” Winona snorts. “Interesting word choice. But I know what you mean. My Jimmy is a freaking genius. I mean, both my boys are, but Jimmy is on another level. When he really starts talking about something that interests him, if that something isn't engineering and/or machines, I'm very lost very fast.”

They've reached a cafe. Winona pulls Amanda in, and Amanda can't help but notice that Winona still hasn't let go of her hand. It should be disconcerting, she thinks, but it's actually kind of nice. Different, but nice.

There's a table by the window, and the moment they sit down a waitress materializes next to them and hands them the menu. Winona doesn't even bother looking at hers, just smiles at the waitress.

“Just a black coffee, dear. But wait until my friend here, wait, what's your name?” It seems that Winona has only now noticed that Amanda has not introduced herself, yet. She looks at her expectantly, and this time, Amanda does feel herself blushing.

“Amanda. Amanda Grayson.” She says, and she's proud of herself because at least she's not stuttering. Which is a really low bar, because she remembers people being terrified of her on Vulcan, and she decides that this is definitively on Winona, and not on her.

“And I'll take a black coffee, too.” Amanda says, and hands the waitress the card back. The waitress, whose name tag identifies her as Sara, nods, and leaves.

“Amanda Grayson... I think I've heard that name before.” Winona says, and scrunches her nose a bit. It should not be this adorable, Amanda thinks, but it is. “Weren't you then linguistic genius who revolutionized the way Vulcan is taught to Earth students?”

Well, at least Winona doesn't remember her as the ex wife of the Vulcan Ambassador who must be the only woman who's ever managed to have a truly ugly divorce with a Vulcan. Small mercies.

“I wouldn't say I revolutionized it, but I did work on it, yes.” Amanda says, and Winona grins again. That grin is totally unfair. And Amanda really needs to get that pend up energy out of her system, because she is pretty sure Winona is not intending to flirt with her.

“My Jimmy really liked the new way it's taught, anyway. He likes Vulcan as a language, says it's just as logical as machines. Which, honestly, I don't really see, but to him it apparently makes sense, so I assume he's right.” Talking a mile a minute is apparently normal with Winona. It's kind of charming, Amanda thinks.

“He sounds like a special little boy.” Amanda says, and thinks of her own special little boy, probably buried in his PADD right now, studying all sorts of things. She should make him plomek soup tonight, she knows he missed it, no matter how much he insists that preferring one food to another, equally nutritious one to be illogical.

“He is. I miss him quite a lot, to be honest. He's not here, currently. He's with his aunt and uncle on Tarsus IV. That's one of the small colonies, with an amazing schooling program. He begged me to let him go, and he seems really happy there, but by the stars I miss him.” That would explain why Winona can be Captain of a starship despite having a son that can't be older than twelve, Amanda realizes. But Tarsus IV is quite a distance from here, too far for personal com calls. Amanda doesn't think she could stand to have her son so far away from her.

“I've heard of the program. My son considered it, but in the end he chose to continue study as he does now. It's probably because of the divorce, to be honest. I feel bad, because my son shouldn't have to accommodate my life, but...” She usually isn't this open with strangers, or near strangers, anyway, but Winona just shared something incredibly personal, and Amanda can't help but return the favor.

“Oh, divorces are ugly. Even in the best case scenario, and I think we both know how often that happens. What did your ex do to give you full custody? Do you need me to beat him up?” Winona sounds absolutely serious about it, and for a moment, Amanda amuses herself with the mental image of Winona Kirk, armed with a Starfleet issued phaser, attacking a completely bewildered Sarek. Then she shakes her head.

“We just... didn't fit. And I don't have full custody, but my ex decided that it is more logical for Spock, that's our son, to visit him on Vulcan for three months at a time every year than for us to travel the whole time or for him to move here indefinitely. So, yeah.” Amanda holds her breath, waits for the judging to start. She just admitted to having married a Vulcan. She remembers very well the amount of shit her friends gave her for that, and how even her parents had to force their smiles at the wedding.

“Better to end it than to let it harm the kid, is what I say.” Winona tells her, and there's compassion in her eyes, as well as something like... grief, or guilt. Amanda considers asking, but decides that they probably don't know each other well enough for that.

“The divorce is recent, I guess?” Winona asks as their coffees arrive. The cups are very nice, Amanda notices, and the coffee smells amazing. She'd forgotten how much she missed good coffee.

“Not that recent. I mean, our split is not that recent. But it was finalized recently, and things are a bit chaotic right now. I have a flat in the city, but I want to move away from.... some people here, so I tried to get a place to live that's not here, but there are a lot less fitting places then I thought there'd be. That's what I was doing this afternoon, meeting with a potential landlord, but I honestly wasn't impressed.” The man had tried to tell her that the house he offered was the best she'd ever get, when in reality it was little more than two rooms and a kitchen that would need immediate fixing.

“You could go to the farm.” Winona said. “My farm. Not that there is much farming to be done, but George's grandparents were farmers, and the house is nice. It's rather remote, so I'm not sure how you'd like it, but Sam goes to a school on Mars, Jimmy's on Tarsus, and I ship out again on Monday. You could live there at least until you found something more permanent.”

“I … I can't...” And great, Amanda is stuttering again. It's definitively Winona, not her. Who offers a person they've known for all of ten minutes to go live at their home? Even if it is empty?

“Oh bullshit. Of course you can. It can't be easy here in San Fran, with so many expectations on being the Vulcan Ambassador's ex wife, and in Riverside nobody would know that. Nobody knowing you means no expectations. You can figure yourself out, and then think about how you want to go on.” So Winona had figured out the whole Ambassador thing. But without judging. That is... kind of awesome.

“You've known me for ten minutes.” Amanda says, but she can't help but imagine it. Riverside sounds very rural, and maybe Spock would have problems in school, but he'll probably have those problems everywhere. The curse of being a child of a Vulcan father and a human mother. And for nobody to bother her about her ex.... that sounds a bit like paradise.

“I'm a good judge of character.” Winona says, then immediately winces. “Usually. And it's not like I'm giving you custody of my kids, just the empty house.” Something flashes over her eyes as she says it, something dark, and guilty, but Amanda doesn't ask. Winona is not shy, if she wants Amanda to know, she'll tell her.

“It's... an amazing offer. I'm honored. I don't want to impose, but...” She's only sort of stuttering now, and at least this time she's remembering her manners. She's definitively blaming it on Winona, and her incredible presence, but maybe Amanda is getting a hang of how to deal with it.

“I could show you around this later? Or no, you said your kid comes home. Tomorrow? We could beam out, no need for a shuttle, that would take ages. I hope you don't mind beaming, my ma did. It was terrible, she got sick every single time.” Winona is grinning again, and Amanda does absolutely not hold her breath.

“Beaming is not a problem.” She says, thinking. “I think I'd like to bring Spock, if that's okay? He should have a say in where we live. And of course we'll have to discuss rent and all of that.”

“You don't have to pay rent, Amanda.” Winona says, rolling her eyes fondly. “Nobody lives there, you'd be doing me a favor if you made sure the place is still in one piece, really.”

“I will pay rent. I like you, but if I live at your place, we should do it the right way. I want to get back on my feet, and that includes not relying on everybody else.” Amanda's voice is firm, and this feels more like her, more like the woman she likes to think she is.

Winona cocks her head, and looks at her. Then she smiles. “Okay. But I'm not having you pay an unreasonable amount, and we'll definitively count the fact that you'll basically be keeping the house for me while I'm gone in the whole thing.”

Amanda considers arguing, but a part of her that sounds suspiciously like Sarek says that Winona does not seem like she's going to be swayed further on this topic, and anyway, it would be more logical to discuss this after Amanda has seen the house, given that it is no use to discuss something that might never be relevant.

She drinks the last sip of her coffee, just as her PADD pings to remind her that Spock will be home within the next ten minutes. She hadn't realized that it's that late already, but then again, she thinks that Winona is someone who can quite literally make one forget time.

“If you give me your com number, I can call you tomorrow. Would ten in the morning be okay for you?” She asks, pulling out her PADD. Winona does the same.

“Ten is perfect. I warn you: It's not going to be all that cleaned up, I never really got the hang out of housework, but it shouldn't be too bad. I don't know how important cleanliness is to you, but my ma was really stuck on it, and I guess I just kind of unconsciously wanted to be the opposite of that.” Amanda saves her com number, and the waitress comes back.

“Do you pay together or not?” She asks, smiling pleasantly. Amanda reaches for her card, but Winona shakes her head.

“I'll pay for both of us. No, Amanda, don't argue this, I spilled your coffee, this is only fair. Here's my credit information.” Winona says to the waitress, who Amanda realizes is the same one as before. Sarah.

“Will you be home in time?” Winona asks her. Amanda nods. She lives rather close by, but she'll need to go now if she wants to change before Spock arrives. She stands up.

“I'll com you.” Winona says, standing up too, and before Amanda knows what's happening the other woman hugs her. She smells like engine oil, Amanda thinks, and then Winona's pulling away again. Amanda is definitively not flustered.

“I'll see you tomorrow.” She says, and Winona smiles blindingly. Amanda can't help but smile back. And if it takes her a bit longer to come home than usual, well, that's nothing anybody needs to know.

The next morning, Amanda wakes up at eight am. She always does. Her son is already up, as always. She can hear him walk around in the kitchen, probably preparing breakfast for them. He's sweet like that.

After a quick sonic shower, she stands in front of her drawer and wonders what to wear. None of her Vulcan robes, of course. Maybe that nice green dress? It's old, back from before she was married, but it should still fit. Then again, this is not a formal meeting. This is going to see a … well, friend? … and looking at the house. And possibly making arrangements to move in there for a bit.

Maybe the blue skirt? It's a long one, swishy and with a nice, bright blue pattern on it. It makes her look young, too young? But no. She's not old, and anyway, she'll be there with her fourteen year old son. There's no possible way for her to seem too young.

… And now she's obsessing over her cloths. Maybe it's just the adjustment, after all, on Vulcan, she just wore robes, and never truly wondered what they looked like. Definitively just the adjustment.

She finally puts on the skirt and a nice, black blouse, and goes to meet her son. He is wearing the jeans she bought him, and is trying very hard not to look uncomfortable. It is a bit of a strange sight, but she thought that this way, he might not be bullied as much as he was on Vulcan.

“I wish you a good morning, Spock.” She says, laying her hand on his head for a short moment. It's as close to a kiss on the forehead as she is going to get, and he gives her a small smile that makes all her worries seem inconsequential.

“A good morning to you too, Mother.” He says, offering her a coffee. It's not the Vulcan kind, she notes, and thanks him. The table is set with lots and lots of fruit, including a nice red apple. Amanda smiles, and takes it.

“We have about one and a half hour until we have to depart to meet Winona.” She tells her son. You don't have to come if you'd prefer to stay here, but as the point of the meeting is to determinate whether the house is sufficient for us to live in for a few weeks or months until we find something more permanent, it would be useful to have you there to see if you consider it acceptable.” She's talking Vulcan again, even if she uses Standard. She knows her son likes it that way, when everything is clear and there are as little ambiguities as possible.

“It is logical to accompany you, Mother. It would be interesting to meet this woman that's offered us a place to live at at such short notice.” Translation: He can barely contain his curiosity as to why she is considering to accept this offer when she has shot down the last ones. She can understand that.

“You can wear Vulcan robes to the meeting if that is more comfortable for you. I know you dislike jeans and sweatshirts.” Amanda tells him. Spock looks at her for a moment, then shakes his head.

“As we will live on Earth for quite some time, it is only logical for me to start getting used to the typical attire here. And given that I, too, am half human, it would be illogical for me to prefer Vulcan clothing.” He sounds too old for his fourteen years, but Amanda has long since accepted that.

“Alright. But just know, I'm proud of you no matter what you wear, or how you choose to act. You are my son, and I love you very much, okay?” Sarek would have considered this an illogical statement, given that a mother loving her son is only logical and therefore unnecessary to verbalize, but Amanda is human, and she thinks that Spock definitively needs to hear this. And the way Spock looks at her, she is right.

Amanda makes sure they are perfectly on time. Actually, she makes sure they arrive at the meeting point she and Winona discussed over coms yesterday five minutes early. Spock says nothing. He is wearing a cap that covers his ears. Winona is reminded of the scarfs she used to wrap around her head on Vulcan, always making sure that her human ears aren't the first thing people notice about her, and suddenly, she feels guilty for taking Spock to a planet where he feels the need to cover his ears. But then again, she thinks, it's not as if Spock was really accepted by the Vulcan children either.

Winona is five minutes late, hurrying down the streets and shouting an apology before she is even properly there. Then she pulls Amanda into a hug, her blonde hair brushing over Amanda's cheek, and offers Spock a near flawless taal. Spock, after a moment of surprise, returns the gesture, and Winona grins at him.

“It's nice to meet you, Spock. I hope you'll like the house.” She says in a soft tone that makes it impossible not to remember that Winona is a mom too, and something warm blossoms in Amanda's chest.

“Let's go!” Winona says, and starts walking towards the public transporter. There's thankfully no queue, and within few seconds they stand on a small town square. It's noticeably warmer than in San Francisco, and Amanda is glad she chose the skirt instead of the overly formal dress.

“It's not that far from here, we can walk. And I can show you the city while we go, so win-win.” Winona says, and starts talking about Riverside. Amanda had looked it up yesterday, after meeting Winona, and learned that Riverside is one of the big construction sites for Starfleet, and that apart from that, it is a rather rural place, with mostly construction workers and farmers living here.

Winona points out the school (which Spock most likely won't attend, given that he is following the Vulcan syllabus instead of the human one), the post office (which Amanda probably will get to know well, if she moves here, considering her translation work and the often physical copies of the books she likes), a couple bars (Amanda already knows she won't go anywhere near those after dusk) and a the only local restaurant that serves offworld food. Spock looks around, curious but restraint, and Amanda thinks he could like it here.

At least it's warmer than New York, where Amanda grew up.

 Then they leave the town, walking over a deserted road between the fields. It's peaceful, almost like in some of the old movies Amanda watched when she was younger. Winona has a sort of wistful expression on her face, as though she is recalling better times, and Amanda      wonders if she is thinking of her late husband.  

“There it is!” Winona says finally, pointing towards a nice looking little house a bit off the street. It looks kind of sweet, in that old movie way, and very human. Amanda shoots a look to her son, but Spock just seems intrigued.

“It looks nice.” Amanda says, because she suddenly realizes that for the last twenty minutes, Winona has more or less exclusively done the talking. It's not her smoothest compliment, but Winona smiles.

“Jimmy and me renovated it a bit before he went to Tarsus. There's a couple places where it's obvious it wasn't done by professionals, but it's way better than before, and Jimmy loved it.”

 After a short walk through the house, which is clean but slightly untidy, in that typically human homey kind of way, Amanda looks at her son. Spock is staring at some holos. She wants to tell them that humans consider it impolite to stare at private holos, even when they are displayed like this, but her breath catches when she actually sees the holo.

 George Kirk, the hero of the Federation, beaming down at her, his arm around a young, obviously pregnant Winona, a little boy of maybe three years sitting in front of them. It must have been taken shortly before the last journey of the Kelvin.

It feels very, very private, and Amanda turns away, to find Winona looking at her. There's grief shadowing Winona's eyes, and Amanda thinks it should feel wrong, to see someone as vibrant as Winona this sad, but somehow it doesn't. The grief was there the whole time, she realizes, just overshadowed by charisma and a determination to be alive, to be okay.

Neither of them says anything, but Amanda takes Winona's hand when they leave the room.

They see Winona of when she has to report back to her ship. She won't be far, she says. Apparently, Starfleet Command likes having a number of ships close to Earth and Vulcan, it's main worlds, to scare of any glory seeking Klingons and Romulans.

“Just com when you have any questions about the house.” Winona says, already dressed in her gold tunic. She's wearing the less used female variant of the uniform, the one with the pants. Somehow, Amanda can't even picture Winona wearing the dress.

“We'll be fine, Winona. You do us a great favor.” Amanda says, but she's smiling. She has a feeling that Winona likes knowing that the house isn't empty, even if it's not her own family that's living there.

“Indeed, Captain Kirk. It is very kind of you to allow us to stay at your home.” Spock says, his hands behind his back. He is still wearing the jeans Amanda got him, but the cap is gone. Maybe he will adjust better than Amanda had thought.

“It's my pleasure.” Winona says, smiling. She gives the taal to Spock, who returns the gesture solemnly, and then goes to hug Amanda. This time, Amanda is somewhat more prepared for it, and hugs her friend back.

“You can call even if everything's okay, you know?” Winona says with a wink, and then she's gone, disappearing into a crowd of other Starfleet officers.

Amanda smiles. She has a feeling that there is somewhat of an adventure ahead.

[katierosefun]

I don't remember why Bones got divorced but consider for trauma anyways )and something I've seen explored in fics iirc) :

Bones still has to deal with Jim if he gets too self-destructive, if whatever side-effects from Tarsus IV ramp up (again? AND OH MY GOD THE ALLERGY SHIT THAT HAPPENDD IN 09 AKDHJDJD :') ). side effects from trying to revive him (and he risked his own job for that!!!!!!!!! what he did was illegal in the medical field, and that in of itself os. yeah.) in the second movie, and then worrying about him in Beyond when Jim just. has several moments™ and then also his worst nightmare happening because he's just a big ball of anxiety when it comes to space travel imo the amount of things that could happen??????? anywyas: the ship being attacked and getting absolutely destroyed

omg an ask about star trek in my inbox today, thank u, i've been thinking so hard about them--

but like yes, there's so much stuff going on there. ofc, i understand that the movies can't really do as much in terms of exploring each characters' individual trauma in ways that, say, a television series could (which is probably the appeal of a show like kenobi), but like. what i would give to see bones and jim actually having to . . . sit through that? (nightmares! sleepless nights! both jim and bones trying so hard to look collected while internally just Not Present! one day bones gets hurt, and jim fucking loses it because it's one thing for him to get beat up every once in a while, but no one is allowed to fucking touch bones--or vice versa, one day something just goes a little too wrong (jim doesn't return from a landing party, and the entire crew thinks he's dead with no body to even show for it, and then bones has to be the one to go down there and then after all that rescue's wrapped up, jim just finds bones completely dead-eyed because he thought that he'd lost jim again, he thought he'd died again. . . . . . . )

so yes. so much trauma here.

[minithefutureawaits09]

To follow up on an earlier post

Link to AOS:

❤️Absolutely Smitten❤️

- TOS Spirk edition

A/n:

It gets pretty angsty so hold on.

Also know in this Fic, Bones doesn’t know the details about Tarsus IV that info is extremely classified and really, only select people know about it. So it’s really been swept under the carpet in this particular fic.

--

Spock heads down the hallway and to Jim’s quarters. Buzzing in as he always does.

....

No response.

So he tried again.

...

No response.

Now things were getting a little concerning. So when he buzzed for a third time and got no response he types in the override code for Jim’s quarters. Absolutely worried sick, and he realized standing there that...

Spock can’t feel their bond.

That prospect alone sends his heart racing even faster than his normal resting heart rate. Yet he swallows his panic as the doors open with their familiar squeak and he’s engulfed into a warm dark room. The doors squeak again as they closed behind him.

“Jim? My Jim, where are you? Are you alright?”

The worry while he can control it physically, slips into his tone. Eyes already adjusting for the darkness of the room, a small tribute to his Vulcan biology. His eyes adjust much quicker than a humans does.

“Go away Spock.”

Came the sharpest reply the Vulcan’s almost positive he’s ever heard. While the words themselves were not super harmful, the tone punctured.

On the bed was a small heep of blankets, he can only assume that huddled in all of those blankets was his Husband. He allows himself to frown and his brows to furrow. Jim never wanted him to leave whenever he was upset, always wanting him to hold close and not let go. So something, although going through his eidetic memory he doesn’t see anything.

“Jim, My-“

“I said Go. Away. Commander. Consider it an order from your Captain.” 

Something was really wrong then. Yet he would not leave Jim’s side. Whatever it was, he had made a vow until death did they part. He wasn’t leaving.

“Then you will need to fill out the insubordination paperwork shortly.”

He sees the blankets move, and he can only assume he is being looked at.

“I am not leaving K’diwa. I am your bond mate, and I am worried about you. You did not answer your door, I cannot feel our bond, and your tone is enough evidence that there is something bothering you. I vowed to care for you and I intend to get to the bottom of it, so if that means facing insubordination charges then I will.”

More ruffling of sheets and blankets, and now he can see his bond mate. The dark brown hair, and make out his eyes in the darkness. Hand reached out towards him, and the pain is so sharp at the horrible broken voice his beloved uses. Their bond floods open and he can feel all of the jagged edges of self hatred attacking Jim’s mind.

“S-Sp-ock-”

His feet move on their own and in moments flat Spock had Jim in his lap still wrapped in a couple of blankets but held firmly. He sobs begging apologies from his lips and promises to never leave him. Every broken sound that leaves him makes the Vulcan’s heart ache, and wanting to tear apart whoever caused these precious tears to spill.

He assures Jim that he did no wrong, that he did not feel any hurt emotions at his words. That there was nothing there other than his overwhelming concern for the person he values the most. That he will always be there. Always.

He sends all of the pure intense love he feel for the brunette in his lap and reassurance through their bond to Jim. Using their physical proximity as an easy way to tap into his beloved’s head in gentle attempts to soothe the hurt he can feel. Whatever caused this got him good, where it hurt.

Eventually he calmed and Spock whispers gently resting his forehead against his human’s,

“K’diwa, My James, will you tell me now what is wrong?”

... There’s hesitation showing in those hazel eyes staring up at him,

“I promise you, no matter what you say, I will listen to every word.”

...

“Is there a problem with how I eat, Spock?”

What? That was such an odd question. Yet with those hazel eyes hanging onto his every moment for his reply he placed a gentle kiss to his forehead and answered,

“I have never seen it vary from normal that would produce the need for comment or medical intervention.”

...

“Do I hoard food, Spock?”

Spock instead of answering taps into their bond and catches just the thought of one event.

Tarsus IV

“Ha’su, does this have to do with Tarsus IV?”

He asks and Jim looks away ashamed- he knows he’s ashamed because he can’t hide it this close to Spock. Yet using one hand he guides his beautiful hazel gaze back to his own.

“My K’diwa, Tarsus IV is an indescribable horror you had to face at such a young age. I know you have tried your best to heal some of those wounds. I know this trauma will haunt you for the rest of your life, and it will always affect how you eat. A famine and genocide. Yes, I do notice you have a few non-perishable items around your quarters. However, I simply attributed them to the fact Humans need to eat more frequently.”

He runs a hand through those brown locks he loves so, so very much. He watches as those lips, a little swollen from his cries open,

“When food became such a struggle and for so long...I-I just—”

“Shh. You need not explain yourself to me. Your trauma and struggle with food is not invalid. It will never ever. Ever. Be invalid.”

This brings back a smaller wave of tears as his husbands arms wrapped around his neck rather then around his middle as they were originally.

“Did someone bring this up?”

“Yes.”

“Who?”

“Bones. Though he didn’t bring Tarsus itself up, he just made a comment on my eating habits and it well...Lead to an argument. He doesn’t know the full story though. I just haven’t told him yet because I haven’t been ready to. He only knows what my records say. Which isn’t much because the federation wanted to keep it hush hush.”

Spock nodded. So he would have to make a trip to Medbay and have an informative discussion with Dr. McCoy.

“Please don’t be mad at Him. He doesn’t know,”

“I am not mad because he did not know. However, I will be having a conversation with him if you are amenable to that to inform him of it so you will not have to.”

He feels a gentle nod at his words. Agreeing with him

‘I love you, and thank you for not leaving me alone and being willing to talk to Bones for me.’

‘I love you too, my Jim. I am absolutely smitten for thee, and I wish you to never forget that. Sleep now,’

‘I won’t, I promise I will never forget...’

Sleep the brunette does. It’s almost mere moments and he feels their bond gently going dormant. It’s still several moments before he gently rests his husband down and goes to speak with McCoy.

—

(Bonus scenes because I feel like it)

—

“Oh my god,”

Leonard’s hand his over his mouth. He was sitting at his desk as Spock had advised him to do so. Shock and guilt coated over himself.

“I didn’t know, I swear-”

“He informed me of such. I am not mad Dr. McCoy. I simply wished for you to understand.”

“I need to go apologize-”

“He is resting, however I am willing to let you know when he wakes.”

“Yes. Right. Thank you, Spock. I promise, I never would of said anything if I’d known. The only thing in his files says is he’s a Tarsus IV survivor. Nothing more. I never even knew what it was until now.”

“I understand Dr. McCoy.”

And he does.

“I will leave you to process this, and to go attend to Jim when he wakes.”

Leonard nodded as Spock exited.

-

Spock was holding Jim as he yawns and those Hazel eyes open. He doesn’t say anything but he can feel the gentle buzz in his head from seeing that his husband was still here just as he promised he would be.

“Commander Spock to Medbay,”

..

“Medbay here, What is it?”

“The Captain is awake if you wish to see him,”

“Alright. Be up in 15 minutes.”

“Noted. Spock out,”

The transmission was cut.

His partner seemed confused, so Spock relayed the message.

“He wishes to apologize directly, and I said I would inform him of your awakening.”

A simple nod comes from Jim.

...

It was actually less than 15 minutes when Bones shows up. Normally Leonard would say something to get them apart, but given what happened he isn’t going to say a thing about Spock holding Jim.

“Jim?”

The brunette’s head turns to look at his best friend.

“Hey, I wanted to apologize for what I said.”

He sits down on the edge of the bed. Spock watches as those hazel eyes follow him.

“Jim, god. I never, I never would have said any- any of that if I had known. I promise you. I had no idea what sort of demon you deal with every time you go to eat in your head.”

“It’s alright-”

“It’s not though Jim. I shouldn’t have said those things in-”

“Leonard.”

The doctors name makes him fall quiet.

“Leonard, You didn’t know. I hadn’t told you...Yet now that you know, could we schedule an appointment to maybe..do something about it?”

“Maybe try some anti-anxiety medications?”

Jim nodded.

“You got it kiddo. Whenever you’re ready you just let me know alright?”

“Alright.”

Bones gives a nod to Spock who had been silent for this whole time. He knows that means to gently and lovingly encourage him to do so in the near future. He leaves but not before Jim surprised them both by pulling the doctor into a hug. They held on for just a few moments and even Spock could tell the world was alright once more. The doctor then left, and Spock went back to holding his partner. Humming as he gently guided him back to sleep, and shortly drifted off after.

[ichayalovesyou]

This Side of Paradise is NOT Anti-Hippie, it’s Anti-Cult/Conformity (Meta)

I identify as a “hippie” and I’ve seen a lot of people accuse this episode of being an old school anti-hippie/anti-commune rhetoric.

Which is true. But hippie means something different now than it did then. Yes there were amazing parts of the hippie movement that affect us today.

But like all social movements there were some fucked up parts to it as well.

I think what This Side of Paradise is criticizing is the cult aspects of it. A non-conformity movement that, ironically, could aggressively encourage conformity or worse.

You want some real world examples? David Berg (Children of God) and Charles Manson (the Manson cult).

Ways we know the Spores are NOT benevolent:

Sandoval “there are no weaklings here” I think we can surmise that they straight up let people who wouldn’t take the spores die from the Berthold rays

I don’t see any kids, they said there were children on that ship. Man, I hope we just didn’t see any.

They let their animals die (yeah because “vegetarians” would do that.)

“We” is a MASSIVE creepy red flag when you’re talking about love and acceptance, that’s straight up cult talk!

They don’t know if there are any drawback affects because the spores don’t seem to want them to investigate. That’s shady af!

The colonists all presumably had their own aspirations before the spores.

They infect those around them regardless of their desires, I don’t think the VAST majority of the Enterprise crew wanted to go abandon everything they knew and become farmers on a random planet.

Sandoval: We’ve done nothing here, no accomplishments no progress. Three years wasted, we wanted to make this planet a garden.

I feel so badly for Sandoval actually. He sounds so heartbroken when he realizes how nothing that drove him to the planet in the first place has been done. None of what he actually aspired to has come to fruition, because of the spores.

The spores only let them want enough that they would stay on the planet and serve them.

Which brings me to Layla 😖

Layla is a creep! With or without spores!

She doesn’t respect Spock

She only cares about how she feels despite claiming she knows he has feelings

She keeps trying to force him to be something he’s clearly not

Doesn’t even know where his heart is (literally and figuratively, can’t tell and doesn’t care that he doesn’t love her, and puts her hand on his chest instead of side lol)

Most horrible of all however:

The spores HURT Spock

Theory: It hurts his Vulcan Biology because they’ve got different neurological wirings for emotions than humans, and if Layla is to stay, the spores have to make Spock want to stay. Making Spock think he’s in love with Layla and belongs there let’s the spores keep them both!

The spores give people what they think they want or don’t have, with no effort toward actually getting there, so that the spores can thrive. It’s a situation that only benefits the spores!

I don’t even know if Kirk would’ve found out exactly what was happening if the spores didn’t mess with Spock. That was their fatal mistake. I mean, even Bones picks up on it!

Kirk knows Spock better than anybody else and he knows somethings up immediately because:

He keeps calling him Jim in front of strangers, something Spock would never do.

He’s more loyal to this random chick than he is to his duty or to his captain, something proven repeatedly Spock would never do

Spock is betraying everything that made him himself, and that included his redeeming qualities.

Red. Flag.

The saddest thing is Kirk only gives up and let’s the spores infect him when he thinks he’s been totally abandoned, even no-

Especially by Spock.

Like Layla, he can’t stay infected parted from Spock it’s the one thing the spores couldn’t have anticipated because he wasn’t part of the hive already.

He also can’t stay infected if he’s parted from his ship, that’s why they didn’t work on him

I’ve seen people theorize that Kirk is so unhappy/grumpy as a person that the spores couldn’t stick when he was on the planet

I don’t think so.

The spores couldn’t work because Kirk was already where he wanted to be! He had his ship! He had Spock and Bones! He’s living his best life! As painful as it sometimes can be!

Kirk is right when he goes off at Spock & Sandoval! Joy and peace have their places but if we don’t bring it to ourselves or seek it out through self-improvement we stagnate.

In stagnation is where the worst of us comes through. Humans are built to adapt and grow, the spores absolutely refuse to let anyone do that.

Mistakes are meant to be made, progress doesn’t have to mean destruction. Yeah the infected people aren’t technically hurting anyone, but they aren’t themselves, they’ve been muted and flattened out, none of it is real.

It’s cult mentality. Like Tantalus, like Tarsus IV, Kirk knows.

There is no happy pill, you’ve gotta figure out happiness for yourself.

Kirk knows that better than anyone.

[wearecaptaingeorgiou]

Captain Georgiou January - February Day 3′s scheduled creation is by Al @dykekeit​. Thank you to Al for sharing this essay!

Here’s the thing: this story isn’t about me. I’m white and Jewish―not exactly lacking for representation in Star Trek, even if I am a lesbian―not with the ta’al itself coming from the Kol Nidre service, not with Benjamin Sisko’s character more closely resembling Moses than any other religious figure. How many times have I seen myself, loved myself, in Trek? I’ve taken heart in Leonard Nimoy’s Yiddish, in Jim Kirk’s Tarsus IV backstory, in Benjamin Sisko the reluctant prophet and in Kira Nerys, fighting for her traditions amidst pressure to assimilate or die.

And yet, the first time I saw the trailer for Discovery, I almost burst out crying hearing Michelle Yeoh’s voice—her accent, the way she pronounced Shenzhou, seeing her in the captain’s chair—because it felt so much like home.

Like I said, this story isn’t about me. This is a story about my sensei.

I still don’t know what name she was born with, growing up just outside of Hong Kong. When she arrived in the United States, there was no large Chinese community on the east coast in those days; she didn’t speak English, and no one around her spoke Cantonese. She was alone, totally alone. I still can’t fathom the sheer amount of chutzpah it took for her to stand her ground and carve out her place the way she did, but I know what it took: a skill for organization, a love of scheduling, a gift for disdainful silences, and an intense, rigid sense of etiquette. When you stand barely five feet tall, it’s all necessary.

Sensei loves gardening and darjeeling tea, and hates anything sweet to the point that I have gone out of my way to buy her chocolate above 70% grade dark. Oh, and did I mention? She loves Star Trek.

Sensei gravitates towards characters like Spock, like Data: immigrants, constant strangers among new and adopted cultures alike, repeatedly explaining their differences and saving face and proudly, wholly themselves, no matter if people understand them or not. They are characters who defy expectations and use every difference as a strength, no matter if it’s supposed to be a weakness. I wonder, sometimes, as she’s teaching me about the protective properties of jade bracelets and how the good Jewish delis she knew used to serve thinly sliced beef tongue for sandwiches, but not any more—were the stars visible in Hong Kong, growing up? Did she want to escape to the dark sky, to the other side of the world—anywhere?

How did I meet her? Well, when she was thirty-nine, my sensei took up kendo, the Japanese martial art of fencing, and almost twenty-five years later, she had reached fifth-dan (that’s fifth degree black belt!) Into her dojo I stumbled. Picture this: me, a clumsy, skinny Jewish lesbian, never worked out in my life, thought swords were kind of cool, walking into a dojo and finding a sixty-something Chinese woman who, though she barely came up to my chest, could kick the butts of every single much-younger six-foot-plus male student she had.

I guess it’s not surprising I stayed.

Over the next six years, my sensei taught me everything, and not just about kendo. In between correcting my wrist angles, my posture, my follow-through, my footwork, my uniform, my dojo etiquette, and anything else she could think of, there were moments of life coaching: how to focus, how to be disciplined in everything I do, how to help, how to put other people first. When I burst out crying during practice, she reminds me that the dojo is a safe place for emotions. She introduced me to Hong Kong-style diner food, showed me real dim sum and how to order and eat and share it properly, cultivated a lucky money plant for me to bring home and instructed me where to put it in my house for best feng shui, advised me to begin acupuncture for stress, told me to take more initiative when pouring tea for other visiting sensei. On the worst day of my life, I wanted her advice. Once, I managed to get a signed copy of Amy Tan’s The Joy Luck Club addressed to her personally. When I presented it to her and she learned I hadn’t read it, she turned around and gave it right back to me, insisting with a smile that I read it first so that we could talk about it together.

In the middle of all of it, a new Star Trek show, called Discovery, was announced, and soon, a new trailer dropped. The captain’s name was Philippa Georgiou, and she was played by Michelle Yeoh.

I did nearly burst out crying. It was Michelle Yeoh, but all I could see was Sensei, in command and speaking her accented English, proof of a past beyond a Starfleet that demanded “standard” English for assimilation.

Captain Georgiou was concerned with etiquette, both social and honor-bound: Starfleet doesn’t fire first. In the dojo, I am to bow respectfully, I am to shake hands and thank my opponent after every match, I do not hit just to hit or shy away in fear. The only way a kendo match works is with mutual communication; an opponent is not a faceless thing to be beaten so much as a partner to create opportunities. We may strike first, but we are not aggressors.

Captain Georgiou said: the best way to know yourself is to know others. Take care of those who are in your care. I still remember the time I watched a fellow dojo member rush across the tournament floor because someone had the wrong-colored tasuki to change it without a thought—because he had noticed a problem, therefore he must help. I sat there, frozen. I told Sensei this story later with absolute wonderment and shame and she just smiled, patted my hand, and shared some of her favorite raisin walnut bread with me. She knew the lesson had stuck. Other times, she has snapped at me for forgetting to hold a door open for other people, but—

Captain Georgiou: disciplined, teasing, dedicated, setting stars and valuing candor: your confidence is justified. My shock when Sensei first told a few of the other girls and I some dirty jokes late at night before that same tournament was only matched by how funny it was, and how it was immediately followed with a discussion of our weaknesses in shiai combat, and what our approach both physically and mentally would be for the tournament the following day.

I wonder, through fanfiction and fanart and discussion with others, what Philippa shared of the universe with those around her—with Michael, with Saru, with all those under her care.

I once told Sensei that reading The Joy Luck Club and trying to understand all the Chinese cultural nuances from an outside perspective was like looking through a waterfall, or trying to see through a beaded curtain—seeing outlines, but not being able to grasp details. She smiled, and nodded, and said, “yes.” What she meant was, of course I couldn’t, and no one would be able to explain every detail to me―not if I didn’t live it, but more importantly, not if I didn’t ask questions. When Captain Georgiou brought Michael Burnham to the bridge for the first time, she said, “This can be your new home, if you want it to be.” She asked for little but trust and mutual respect from a certain Vulcan-raised human who needed to re-integrate into an all-too-familiar but still foreign culture. The dojo is foreign, and it is my home, and I must always ask questions.

A human who had seen a life of loss, but still chose hope. A mentor who saw everything as a lesson, full of expectations both written and unwritten. And I, or Michael Burnham, watching her set a star.

Sensei: 谢谢, I love you, and I hope to see you in person soon.

Al

[goldkirk]

fics that have changed my life/i think about often/i love more than anything

This is a short list of my all time favorite fanfics, sorted by fandom for convenience, because if I have over 3,000 saved stories between ao3 and fanfiction.net it’s the least I can do to share some of the joy they’ve brought into my life!

Star Trek (AOS):

Graduate Vulcan for Fun and Profit, by lazuli song. Words cannot describe how much I love for this fic. The writing style is just pure delight, every sentence, I can’t even handle it. It’s so humorous while dealing with such heavy topics on and off, and Jim is a brilliant genius full of sass, and the rest of the crew is amazing, and the OC is just a delightfully sassy Vulcan who basically raised Jim for a while and it shows, everyone keeps being surprised by Jim, Jim just wants to live is life without things going pear shaped god is that so much to ask, and the pacing is beautiful, god i just love it so much. I come back to this fic again and again when I want to hurt in like, a really enjoyable way, and laugh my way through every paragraph. I wish my inner monologue sounded the way this fic is written.

Switch, by Ceres_Libera. This is one of the most incredible longfics i have ever read in my entire life. It’s the best development of Jim and Bones’ friendship over the Academy years you will ever read, and shows a beautiful slow burn of them eventually falling in love slowly, through the victories and mistakes and misunderstandings and all. It’s INCREDIBLY rich in plot, science, and world building, and written from Bones’ perspective, which as a delight. Absolutely worth the time if you like Kirk and McCoy’s dynamic at ALL. The Holy Grail of McKirk fics while being well worth it to even people who don’t ship them. Ceres gets all the characterizations spot on, and even has some rad OCs here and there. Lose yourself in this one and you won’t regret it. (pairings: slow burn Jim/Bones)

You Don’t Have TO (Say Yes) by @famous-wwi-flying-ace. This fic absolutely wrecks you and builds you back up. Much like what happens to Jim. Please please heed the tags on this one, but oh my god. What an incredible story. It’s all about the impact that the time on Tarsus IV and what happened there had on Jim and his behavior and mindset for the next many years of his life, but it’s all about way more than that too, and it’s a treasure trove of found family, hurt/comfort, Real Literal Therapy Techniques and Lessons Disguised As Story and Dialogue, recovery, healing, riveting plot, and so much goodness. In the words of Ron Weasley, you’re gonna suffer, but like, you’re gonna be happy about it. I read this at least once every year, and spend at least 2-3 days afterwards processing the story I devoured and all the emotions it brings up. Incredible. (pairings: eventual Jim/Spock, several others including Jim/Kodos so be careful about that if you need to)

Atlas, by @distractedkat. Unbelievably beautiful longfic, the best examination of AOS Jim Kirk’s potential as a character that you will ever read. Kat does every single character justice, weaves an unbelievably rich world and background around all of them, and hooks you so well with the plot that you’ll keep clicking “Next Chapter” over and over until it’s half a day later and you’re drowning in awe and emotions. I can’t recommend this enough, I don’t want to spoil it, just know that it’s beautiful and complex and exhilarating. (eventual pairing: Jim/Spock, but not the focus of the fic. FOUND FAMILY BABY) (please also read West of the Moon if you get a chance, it’s so good, so so good, such a plot twist, I won’t spoil anything, it hurts so much and then is SO GOOD)

The Button, also by @distractedkat. LISTEN. LISTEN. I was lucky enough to read this fic AS it was being posted and it ROCKED MY WORLD. Do you love Jim Kirk? Do you love Coraline? Do you love INCREDIBLY rich modern supernatural/fantasy universes hidden in and enmeshed within what we normally view as our ordinary modern world? Do you love rich characters and developing found family ties and a slow sweet young relationship developing through shared perils? Then this is the FIC FOR YOU!!!! Deliciously spooky, beautifully warm. Come for the Jim-as-Coraline feels, stay for the joyfully satisfying character development and incredible plot. (pairings: eventual Jim/Spock, very light and sweet)

something like i love you, by sparkycap. this is the softest modern au crew-as-family, Jim Kirk as a pastel space boy who learns to love and be loved by a family of his own, college-au, comfort fic you’ll ever find. Just beautiful. Makes my heart happy every time I read it, please give it a shot. (pairings: none)

Secret Garden, by Mijan. Mijan is always a beautiful Star Trek writer, tbh. But this story in particular is just…it’s such a beautiful way of getting a glimpse into Jim as a person, in little moments of time as Captain, and learning about his past through them all the way till the end when suddenly everything is so clear and it hurts but in a comforting way, much like how Jim is feeling at that point. It’s a beautiful unfolding story, well worth the read. (pairings: none)

Illogical (√π233/hy7) series, by waldorph. This is one of my all time favorites for good reason. It’s long, it’s got all kinds of stories in it, it follows Jim starting basically Good Will Hunting style on through MANY MANY adventures and misadventures and new friends and family and some saving the world. Many of the fics focus on many other characters besides just Jim, including his brother George, his parents, Chris Pike, etc.! The world just gets built up more and more and more, and the Tarsus IV fic in this series is one of my favorites of all time. I love the author’s writing style so much, it’s such a delight to read, and I love how they portray Jim’s family, biological and not. So good. (pairings: literally so many. Jim/Spock is a recurring theme, and complicated lol)

Warning Labels (are meant to be ignored) by gammadolphin. If you like McKirk, this fic is incredible. It’s a soulmate AU with words, and oh my goodness the ANGST and character development and slow burn and dealing-with-issues and developing friendships and learning to TRUST and the PLOT. SO GOOD. This is not a fic you regret reading. Hurts so good, sweet at the end. (pairings: Jim/Bones)

Batman (let’s be real, it’s p much just batfam stories):

Cor Et Cerebrum series, by @audreycritter. These fics changed me as a person. I didn’t know anything about the batfam before reading these. I only knew Bruce, and I had seen Dick in the Lego Batman Movie and knew “Robin” existed. I read Developmental Milestones first, actually, and Dev is my favorite character of all time now, and he’s the OC! He’s a doctor who cares so much! He plays video games! He scolds Batman! He works through trauma and helps the others and bonds with everyone and is so smart and kind and good and has tea with Alfred weekly and is British and a POC and incredibly incredibly sarcastic and funny and prone to cussing for emphasis except when things are really really bad and he’s a DELIGHT. This series starts off with Bruce having a brain tumor and that whole saga, and then just keeps going from there. It’s a REALLY interesting premise, and handled beautifully by someone who has done ALL the research. Every person is characterized SO well in this series, PAINFULLY well, even. The batfam, Dev, the Justice League, everyone. There is enough content in this series to last you days even if you’re spending all your time consuming it. In the past three weeks, I’ve read the main 3 fics about. 6 times. Not kidding. These stories feel like coming home. I would live in them if I could. I can’t recommend this series enough if you’re wanting to get into the Batfam, whether you know the characters already or not. I want to buy this as a book series. I want to be as good a person as these stories make me feel like I can be. Thank you for my life, audrey. (pairings: none, ALL THE FAMILY FEELS. Well, there are canon relationships, like the Kents and Clark/Lois, but it’s about FAMILY AND FRIENDS and delightful)

Mistlefoe, by strikeyourcolors. This is just. So funny?????? I laughed my way through this fic, and you will too. It’s a hilarious twist on the classic mistletoe tradition. I’ve already come back to this story a few times when I needed cheering up. (pairings: mild Selina/Bruce)

Stargazer, by LemonadeGarden. An incredible Jason and Bruce father/son reconciling fic. Really dives into Jason’s trauma, and it’s just a beautiful long painful story of reforming the foundations of bridges that have been shattered and shaking for far too long. Lots of pain but a good amount of hope at the end. Jason lovers will love this. (pairings: none)

why im not a bad brother and why damian owes me a trix yogurt and why bruce also owes me a yogurt for keeping a secret from alfred and why alfred owes me a yogurt bc i had to deal with this mess and JEAN SHRIMPTON WANNABE CAN GET ME A SPOONand also cass won’t share her cheese nibs and bruce doesn’t love me and i think?? that i deserve better??? than this???? i’m moving to alaska where NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO are by an anonymous angel but HOLY SHIT they are the funniest things I’ve read in YEARS okay the formatting the sentences the careful syntax and diction choices the  scenarios please just do yourself a favor and read these they are SO FUNNY I had to figure out how to explain to my PARENTS why I was LAUGHING SO HARD AT MY PHONE. the second one especially just had me in STITCHES. new fave bad day pick-me up short fics. SO FUNNY. (pairings: none. or I guess, Tim/ridiculousness?? realistic scenarios described in the most ridiculously hilarious possible “story time” ranting ways??)

one shot, two shots in the night, by discowing. This. FIC. It is so good. Bruce Wayne writes a (heavily censored autobiography, and it’s all about how much he loves his kids. Oh, and he has to learn how to process emotions and be a better person along the way, and everyone loves roasting him, and he loves his kids, and his kids love him, and his kids love roasting him. The Justice League is nosy, but Bruce loves them anyway. The whole world may be a little bit in love. Bruce just wishes he hadn’t been so obvious about how much he’s secretly a sap. And also considers writing a Batman autobiography, and also did I mention gets sassed by his children and Alfred who love him very much? A real emotional ride. So good. (pairings: none)

The Ol’ Switcheroo, by @autumnhobbit. Self-sacrificial brothers are self-sacrificial!!! There’s an attempted assassination. There’s introspection. There’s family coming together, there’s sibling love, there’s healing, there’s great plot, there’s spot-on characterization–SUCH A GREAT STORY. Hurt/comfort in the best kind of way!!! (pairings: past Bruce/Talia, who shows up for a hot second)

Color Palette, by @audreycritter. I WAS ABSOLUTELY FLOORED BY THIS. Bruce, eras, subcultures, makeup, Stephanie, youtube, hidden skills, DELIGHTFUL humor, breaking the internet…you name it, this fic has got it. I had to stare at the wall for a few minutes when I finished because it was that awesome of a ride. I didn’t know what I expected going in, but what a ride. I love this. It’s a really fun reminder of how multifaceted people usually are and also just a hilarious read with truly delightful dialogue. Wonder Woman even gets some makeup advice from Batman in civvies, how can you pass that up? (pairings: none)

Liminal Space by Calamityjim. If you love Tim Drake, and you love hurt!Tim and Tim being loved and getting a good family and also being brilliant and stupid, this is the fic for you. A Batman has been multiverse-hopping. He sees a lot. Including a Tim who’s been treated pretty terribly by that universe’s Batfam, and he’s really worried about that Tim. So he decides to do a humane catch-and-release with him, like a wild animal rehabilitation. Except Tim is a human, and a genius, and really prone to distrusting Bruce, and so things are definitely not that simple. Lots of hurt, LOTS of comfort, a found family miracle of a fic. This is a joy to read and understands Tim’s character so well. So much brotherly bonding, too, and WHAT a satisfying ending. Tim is so bad at caring about himself. Good thing he has others to do it for him while he learns why he should. Also Tim is grounded for like, a million years, because he can’t keep from getting tangled up in reality-ending schemes and trying to stop them without asking for help. He’ll learn! This fic also involves Young Justice and the Justice League, for extra fun. I love reading this lately when I want to feel comforted, lol. (pairings: none)

Voltron:

Truce series, by kyanve. This is just. An AMAZING longfic series. I spent DAYS reading this, nay, devouring it. The author has a psych degree and it SHOWS. This is the most in-depth dive into the paladin’s heads, their bonds, the plot, their motives and feelings, just everything, that I’ve ever found. You’ll get lost in this one. It’s incredible, follows the show plot, but like, in an if-this-were-actually-a-novel-series-with-tons-of-character-introspection-and-consequences-and-feelings way. Everyone is done justice. WOW.

One More Hot Chocolate Vigil, by @the-ghost-of-kirishima-eijirou. Friends. This fic absolutely wrecks me in every good way it is possible to be wrecked. It hits every beautiful need you can have for found family, character growth, people with issues Trying Their Very Bests, support, conflicts being dealt with, realistic people realistic problems realistic slice-of-life, delightful references to games and such, plot that really gets you invested, traumatized kids and traumatized adults trying to help them (and succeeding), healthy growth, love making things better, BEAUTIFUL writing style and voice, absolutely delightful dialogue, foster kids found family modern au, coran coran the eccentric grandpa man, and more. And, of course, lots of hot chocolate, and a very good recipe for it too. I’ve used this fic AND the hot chocolate recipe to get myself through really rough times. I can’t tell you how much you’ll love this one, even if you don’t like Voltron or have never heard of the characters. (pairings: none, or at least no main ones currently happening) (Also read the sequel that’s in progress! So good!)

True Love or Something series, by @deerstalkerdeathfrisbee. THIS SERIES. IS THE MOST RICH DELIGHTFUL SURPRISING MODERN AU YOU COULD ASK FOR. At every turn, things are going to take a delightful twist you never saw coming. The characters are perfect. All the friendships and relationships of every type are lovingly developed. It’s HILARIOUS. The dialogue is fantastic. The author’s writing style is a joy to read. Please read this if you like Keith/Lance and found family and crazy shenanigans and tired nurse Shiro and accidental child adoption and long-lost family members and alien hunters and community center heroes and accidental neighbor maiming and terrible, terrible friends who you love Very Much and sometimes get your toaster broken by. Literally just read this series it’s Good. (pairings: Keith/Lance, past Adam/Shiro, Allura/Shiro, Keith/books (just kidding lol))

Pokemon:

A Professor and a Student, by LeDiz. A story where Ash stays with Professor Kukui while he’s in Alola, going to school and generally living his Ash life. An incredible, beautiful examination of Ash, his history and hidden skills and traumas, and Kukui, with his intelligence and compassion and wrangling of many children every day. Gloriously rich world-building and character development. (pairings: none)

Marvel:

sometimes this city is nothing but smoke by bysine. This fic is a delight. It’s mostly following Steve, after he retires from Avenger-ing. Peter is in the mix as a permanently-exhausted young adult. Bucky is alive and kicking and living his best life, which includes carpentry. Steve is lost, and depressed, and keeps coming back to fighting, but they all (and I mean ALL) slowly help him heal and build a new life he loves. There is trauma processing. There is GLORIOUS dialogue. There is laughter. There are “are you kidding me, AGAIN WITH THE END OF THE WORLD ATTEPMTS” shenanigans, there are NYC residents being NYC residents, there is gardening, there’s civil activism, it is delightful. (pairings: none)

at least the war is over series, by @quilliumwrites. Fam. THIS SERIES. OKAY. Ash and Lego BB8 especially. IS SO GOOD. DAMN. Peter learns to cope after the trauma(s) of Infinity War! Tony learns to cope in general! FRIENDS AND FAMILY BEING SUPPORTIVE ABOUND! Tried and true Real Therapy Truths and Techniques are scattered all throughout! Realistic portrayals of a) trauma and mental illness and all that and b) being a human person and c) specifically being a young human person are rich in this. Listen. I just. love these fics so much. Good for coping. Great for enjoying. Reconciliations happen! THERE IS EVEN A FIC DEALING WITH WHEN YOU FEEL ANGRY AND HELPLESS ABOUT THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN THE WORLD AND DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT THAT. quillium I feel so SEEN thank you for these very specific things you put into your writing that mean so much. (pairings: none)

Sometimes We’re Holding Angels, by @theoceanismyinkwell. Hi! Hello! This fic is definitely one of the ones that has changed my life! I’m not gonna spoil anything for you but it has badass Pepper Potts, relatable Peter Parker, dealing with dissociation and emotions, healthy coping skills, Concerned Dad Tony Stark, shenanigans, May/Pepper friendship, holla, and A Little Bit of Healing and a Lot of Hope. So good. I literally read this seven times in three days the other week. Peter hurts, but then he learns he’s not broken OR alone. God BLESS. Thank you for helping ME cope better too, with this. The writing style is absolutely lovely, beautifully paced and achingly gentle. Did I mention how awesome Pepper is? (pairings: Pepper/Tony)

[trek-tracks]

Hello i love your blog soo much!! I just finished to read your fics recommendations. And everyone of it were so good and well written i can't even start describing it!!?? I almost had a heart attack half way through them 💛 I wanna ask you if you can give us more suggestions. You 👏have 👏such 👏a 👏good 👏taste.

All right. So. Sorry to leave this unanswered for like three weeks, but I had many thoughts to think on it! Thank you so much for your kind words about my blog; they mean a lot. So much, that I’ll destroy any pretense on Tumblr that I don’t read fan fiction, just for you. See what I do for you? :)

If anyone reads my blog at all, I think I’m pretty clearly biased toward Bones (“What?! No way!” says everyone, extremely sarcastically), so all these fics are Bones-centric. Sorry, that’s just what you’re going to get with me, but if you like my blog, chances are you have a soft spot for Bones as well.

I think you have already seen my post where I recommended, along with Equilibrium (#1 and still champion) and everything else PSW has written for TOS, some other gen TOS fics with Triumvirate feels, but here they are again for everyone else:

Hope, Logic and Other Wastes of Time by pantswarrior (the return of Xenopolycythemia, with fantastic characterization)

Watching the Watcher by stillwaters01 (and everything else by her as well): Great for Bones and Chapel, very medically detailed, hugely introspective.

Mudd in Your Eye and The Vestorian Quandary by Avirra (who also has some excellent series work; these have really interesting plots and Bones badassery)

Now, here are some more recommendations. This is by no means a comprehensive list of everything, only my thoughts at the current moment. One writer I was going to recommend deleted everything from AO3, alas. I might add on to it later, as I am absolutely sure I’ve forgotten things. To try to narrow this down, I’m going to try to steer clear of complete AUs. Mostly.

As is my wont, I am also largely going to recommend non-explicit or only briefly-explicit stuff, as I try to keep this blog on the PG side. I can’t remember all the details about everything, so check the tags before you decide to read, and make the decision that’s best for you.

Gen TOS recommendations:

Through a Mirror Darkly by GenuineSnoof is new; it’s a TOS/AOS crossover with Prime Spock and Bones (both Boneses, in different times) dealing with the Mirror, Mirror mind meld.

Other Gen stuff dealing with the Mirror, Mirror mind meld includes

Memories From A Past Not My Own by PSW 

Of Mirrors by EmRose92 

Bad Luck and Broken Soul by @apathetic-revenant

The Wicked and Divine by Danzinora Switch (also try by this writer: Peace and Long Life, where Spock and McCoy accidentally transport themselves to Vulcan’s far past; Silence is Key, McCoy vs. Romulans; and Project Memory, one of few worthwhile codas to Spock’s Brain)

ThatSassyCaptain writes some good stuff. Weight is a nice shortish character study off some canon episodes. The Dog Days Are Most Certainly Not Over features McCoy and giant doglike creatures. It’s very silly, and very enjoyable. Also, its sequel just happened to update yesterday for the first time in something like a year.

I remember KCS being a good writer. Try Watching the Watchman, but look around at other stuff, too. 

Incubation by Swiss Army Knife: Bones comes back from City on the Edge of Forever with smallpox and has to find a cure before he and everyone on the ship dies. Kirk is a jerk (okay, he’s still traumatized over Edith, but still). Spock is awesome. #ProtectHim 

icarus_chained writes some great short character studies.

There are some very long works by Mary R. and Lynn S., which are older pieces but luckily online; try Unspoken Truths, which deals with The Enterprise Incident, and Betrayed (So. Much. Angst. So much. This one is really well-written, but also a really hard read.)

I haven’t read The Dorian Solution in a long time (it’s novel-length, as I remember), but it’s a very interesting premise: McCoy and Kirk accidentally partake in a planet’s ritual that allows one person to take on all the other person’s subsequent injuries. Guess who gets the short end of the stick on this one?)

Imperfections by Amatara: Canon expansion: episode/movie scene additions from The Man Trap to Generations. Fantastic characterizations and UGH MY HEART at that ending.

Gen AOS recommendations:

anonymous - The One Who Is Fire. Bones screws up a First Contact by being emotional. Gets whumped. Much action; much angst. Very Triumvirate. Just on this side of overwrought, but very satisfying and full of the feels.

rustingroses - That Which We Find In Others. Spock and Bones. Earthquake. Trapped. Long talk. Fascinating.

Hollow Earth by beamirang (yes, another xenopolycythemia fic. Whatever. Everyone bands together to find a cure. Many feels.)

Aini_NuFire - Do No Harm: Short adventure with more Bones badassery

Now, various slash-type-things. 

TOS/Both TOS and AOS

@klmeri is the reigning champion of McSpirk fic, is all-around stellar, and has even written a couple of stories based on my overly-detailed prompts: Grave or Gone and In Winter Snow Angels Sacrifice. My favourite, though, is Younger than Stars, which has a great, conspiracy-filled plot, and feels aplenty. But just read starting anywhere, honestly. Read them all.

TheRev - Lovely writing. Spones. Try This Must Be the Place (AOS with Spock Prime/McCoy Prime; you will cry)  or Nothing By Halves (TOS) 

Eddaic - The Wind Here Sings: TOS Spones. Canon-adjacent. Very poetic.

AOS

I’ve already recommended @fireinmywoods’ sneaky, intricately-plotted and swoonworthy Palimpsest and other writing (McKirk), but for comprehensiveness’ sake, here she is as well (she’s also one of my favourite humans on Tumblr). Sometimes explicit.

Mardia - Fortunate Son: AU where Kirk wasn’t on Tarsus IV, but Bones was, as a 19-year-old doctor under the supervision of Dr. Philomena Boyce. The writing on this one is phenomenal, and the use of interwoven flashbacks with the present is stunning. Even explains why Kirk and McCoy’s eye colours switch in AOS. This is a must-read. One sex scene; can be skipped. McKirk.

laughter_now writes some great stuff. Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder is also a must-read. So much suspense, featuring Bones being a righteous self-sacrificing badass and awesome doctor. For sheer h/c angst and suspense with a happy ending and a description of drowning that literally made my lungs hurt in sympathy, go for Hold on Tight, I’ll Hold My Breath. McKirk.

Zauzat’s Honourable Enemies is also a must; it has one of the most satisfyingly-crafted plot resolutions I’ve seen in fic. Everything from the beginning pays off at the end. Everything. It’s pretty much movie-ready, except it’s Spones, and I think Beyond is about the Sponesiest they’d ever be willing to go. https://archiveofourown.org/works/225404/chapters/341313

PrairieDawn’s A Matter of Trust strung me out for the past 24 agonizing weeks, but just finished; lucky you. Spones AU with Kirk and McCoy on a medical ship captained by Pike. Joanna was injured in the Vengeance incident and has telepathy issues. Spock is a healer. Makes good use of the Operation: Annihilate! premise. Crisp, evocative, compelling writing. 

JoulesMer does a bunch of effective McKirk stuff with Pike and Boyce. Try The Red Wheelbarrow, Xenopolycythemia, or S.O.S. Great for angst and feels and happiness, romance and self-sacrificing idiots. Some stuff is rather explicit.

Gammadolphin is another very entertaining writer who does a lot of McKirk/McSpirk and AUs. It’s all pretty worthwhile, even the incomplete ones. Try A Wish in the Dark for a Bulletproof Heart (similar premise to The Dorian Solution, actually). Also has a range of stuff from non-explicit to explicit.

The Time and Space Are Not Conditions By Which We Live Series by ijen: McSpirky mission moments.

…okay, I’m going to cut it here for my own sanity. Aren’t you sorry you asked?

[sarah-wants-to-write]

I Dare You to Love; Part Three (Star Trek AOS)

A mistake in communication leaves Jim iced out from Shari, for something he didn’t even know he did. When he realizes what went wrong, he feels like a right ass. As does Shari, when she realizes her mistake. Can the two patch things up, and save their friendship?

(A/N: A little bit of Russian here, in the Russian alphabet. Here’s the translations: брат means brother, сестра means sister, and ягуар means jaguar. Now that that’s out of the way; enjoy the chaos!)

~

       Jim had fucked up, and he knew it. Though he didn’t know how, he knew he’d fucked up.

       Shari wasn’t talking to him. Oh, she responded to questions, gave reports, and was impeccably professional, but other than that?

       The planet that Spock had marooned him on all those years ago was warm, compared to her attitude.

       All of this, starting nearly a week ago, had agitated the wolf within quite a bit, and he wasn’t letting Jim hear the end of it. He felt absolutely horrible, and others had started to notice. Bones had seen the whole situation, and expressed his sympathy to Jim.

       “No matter how close you get,” the doctor started, patting Jim on the shoulder “women are still a mystery. You’re sure you don’t know what you did?”

       “Not for sure,” Jim sighed, resisting the urge to let his head hit the table as they sat eating in the mess hall “I just know I must have done something…”

       “Are you speaking of Lieutenant Neilson’s change in attitude?” Spock spoke up, having come to join Bones and Jim “are you still not sure what caused it?”

       “It’s eating him up inside,” Bones replied, watching Jim groan while holding his face in his hands “has been for days.”

       “It is best to figure this out quickly,” Spock observed “so this does not begin to affect you even more. You said it started six days ago, after Alpha shift ended?”

       “That’s when I first noticed it,” Jim muttered, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to think “it was after the away mission, and I’d been talking about the culture and people with Uhura. We were talking about how the definition of ‘attractive’ changes from culture to culture, and…oh…oh god.”

       “I think I can see the lightbulb that just lit up,” Bones declared, watching Jim bang his head against the table a few times before letting it rest there “what happened?”

       “I’d made a comment about how it was strange to me that the Governor’s wife was considered attractive,” came the muffled reply “I’d been talking about the woman’s hair, but that was clearly not what Shari heard.”

       Bones remembered immediately the woman Jim was talking about, who shared the same body type as Shari.

       “She thought you were commenting on her figure,” he mused, wincing in sympathy “yeah, she’d be right to be pissed off.”

       “From what I know from Nyota, of how human women are pressured to look,” Spock nodded along “it makes sense that she would be sensitive.”

       “When you both agree, that’s when I know I screwed up,” Jim sighed, finally sitting up “I have no idea how I’m gonna make it up to her. She’s been avoiding me whenever possible. Doesn’t help that Asha seems to be like a warning system for her.”

       “You’ll think of something, kid,” Bones tried to encourage, patting the younger man on the shoulder “you always do.”

       Jim knew he had to. His wolf was up and pacing, nervous at not having been in contact with Shari for a week. The animal in his soul was protective of her, though Jim wasn’t sure why, since he was just friends with her. At least, that’s what he thought.

       Maybe…maybe it was something more.

       “If I might offer a recommendation,” Spock interjected “perhaps you should speak to Nyota on the matter. Though we have our own pressures about our image, men and women have distinctly different experiences. Perhaps her views will help you.”

       “Yeah, you were right, Jim,” Bones sighed “when Spock and I agree, that’s when you really made a mess of things.”

       “Don’t remind me.” Jim groaned.

~

       Shari knew she was stubborn; it was a major fault of hers. Sure, it could be seen as a virtue when dealing with a troublesome or scared animal, but in terms of her personal life, it was definitely a fault.

       Hearing what Jim had said after the away mission, remembering that the Governor’s wife had looked just like her in terms of body shape, it had hurt Shari more than she expected it would. Jim was her friend, and here he was basically saying that he thought that people like her, and by extension Shari herself, weren’t attractive at all.

       Everyone had their own preferences, she knew that, but it stung to hear. Especially when she knew that Jim knew she was within ear shot. It made her mad, even. Jim had said, on more than one occasion, that he thought she was one of the most beautiful women on the ship! Of course, he’d said it to help quell her insecurities, when she’d opened up to him about her low self-esteem, but that made what he’d said all the more hurtful. He knew how little she thought of herself, in terms of looks.

       Of course, only a few days later, she’d realized that she’d overreacted some, and taken his comments the wrong way. Yet by then, the damage was done. She’d been avoiding him whenever she could, remaining professional whenever she needed to be. Shari knew she’d been cold, but it was what she felt that he deserved at the time.

       “God, Pavel, I’m a moron,” Shari groaned as she knocked her head against her desk “why did I have to overreact like that?”

       “I don’t think it was an overreaction,” Chekov shrugged, looking on in sympathy “Captain Kirk is a dear friend of yours, and you believed he was insulting you. In hindsight, yes, definitely an overreaction, but you were justified in the moment.”

       “Not sure if that’s supposed to make me feel better,” she muttered, unceremoniously flopping onto the floor of her lab so Asha could come and lay down over her lap “I’m sure he’s the one mad at me now, since I’ve been so cold to him…”

       “From what I’ve seen and heard,” he countered, turning in his chair to face her “he actually feels pretty bad about it. He hasn’t seemed to be himself, during quiet moments on the bridge.”

       “And that makes me feel even worse,” Shari moaned, letting herself fall backwards to lay on the lab floor “I don’t know what I’m gonna do, especially since…”

       Should she mention it? Mention what she’d been feeling since the day Jim opened up to her about Tarsus IV, and his medical exam aversion? The sleek, spotted part of her soul that had woken up and not stopped pacing since that day?

       “Since what?” Chekov prompted, looking on in confusion “you can’t keep me in suspense like that, сестра.”

       “Ever since the day I told you about, a month or so back, when Jim gave the go-ahead for the comfort animal experiment…” Shari continued, nervous to look at Chekov “I’ve felt something, брат, deep inside…and she woke up.”

       “You mean, the beast in your soul?” Chekov lit up like the nacelles of the ship before going into warp, smiling “because of the Captain?!”

       “Maybe? I don’t know!” she groaned, pressing the heels of her palms to her eyes in frustration “all I know is this separation is eating me up inside, and the ягуар inside isn’t happy about it at all. She’s VERY upset that I haven’t seen him.”

       “Honestly, if you just spoke to him, it might clear everything up,” Chekov offered, wanting to try and help “we men are very stupid. Sometimes we need to be smacked in the face with what went wrong, to understand.”

       “What would you know about being a man, mister freshly 23?” Shari teased, offering the younger a smile “thank you, брат, for dealing with my griping. I’ll wallow for a bit longer, and talk to him at the end of shift tonight.”

       “You better,” the Ensign playfully threatened “otherwise the Bridge just might organize an intervention. We like the Captain happy, thank you very much.”

       “Get out of here, you bouncy ball of Russian excellence.”

~

       That night, Shari’s heart was racing as she made her way to the commissary for food, trying to think of what she would say to try and apologize for how she’d been acting. Asha kept pace by her side, tail twitching from side to side.

       Her jaguar within was just as nervous. She knew that Jim was important, so very important, and this was the biggest step in the right direction after everything almost fell apart.

       Waiting for the lift, Shari looked up when the door opened, to find none other than the very man she was looking for. Jim was thankfully, blessedly, alone, when she and Asha silently stepped in and the doors closed.

       “Shari-”

       “Jim-”

       “You first,” he offered, gesturing to her.

       “No, please, you were first.” She countered, her hands clenched in nervousness.

       “…can we talk? Privately?” he asked, after a moment of silence “I can make something for us to eat in my quarters. Benefit of being a captain is having a real kitchen, though it’s small.”

       Shari could see he genuinely wanted to talk, and the nerves in his eyes were almost endearing.

       “Of course,” she nodded, smiling as he seemed to almost sag in relief “I wanted to talk to you, too. Should save it for privacy, though.”

       “Couldn’t agree more.” Jim declared, calling for the lift to go to the right floor.

       The walk to his quarters was done in silence, Shari trying not to fidget the whole time. When they were inside, and Jim was leading her to the kitchenette, she felt Asha almost push the back of her legs, as though trying to encourage her. The jaguar within was doing the same.

       “I’m sorry,” she blurted out, causing Jim to wheel around in surprise “I should have known you weren’t saying what I thought you said. It was the heat of the moment, and I overreacted.”

       “Wait, why are you apologizing to me?” Jim asked, eyes wide “I was the one who made you feel like shit, especially from what Chekov told me. I should be the one apologizing to you. I am sorry, I should have known how you would have taken it.”

       “It’s my fault, I’m too sensitive,” Shari insisted, tensing up a little as Jim walked closer “comes from years of never being the pretty one, or skinniest. I should have developed a thicker skin by now.”

       “Hey, look at me,” he told her when she looked away “Shari, look at me. Please.”

       When she finally looked up at him, her own blue eyes connected with his own, and saw so much swimming in them.

~

       Hearing Shari talk so poorly of herself had Jim fuming inside. What had she gone through, to cause her to be so stubborn, and her self-esteem so low?

       The wolf inside wasn’t happy, either, and Jim couldn’t help putting his hand on her cheek after their eyes connected. He saw so much swimming in them; pain, fear, a small bit of hope.

       “Don’t ever say that again,” he told her, voice pitched low as he barely spoke above a murmur “don’t ever speak so poorly of yourself again. Please.”

       “But Jim, I-” she started, but he shook his head to stop her.

       “You said yourself you’ll never be any shape other than what you are,” he continued “you were born that way. Why should you be ashamed of that? And anyone who ever made you feel like you weren’t pretty, well, they were idiots, but they were right. You’re not. You’re beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, and a bunch of other adjectives I can’t think of right now. You’re more than just pretty, in my eyes.

      “The very first thing that went through my head when I saw you at the mixer was how beautiful you were, in a blue dress that matched your eyes,” Jim declared, smiling at the surprise on Shari’s face “but it was more than that. Your fierce personality, your loyalty, how you had no qualm with standing up for someone you didn’t even know. There’s so much more that makes you beautiful, than just how you look.”

      “Jim…” she trailed off, tears in her eyes as she suddenly lunged forward and wrapped him in one of the tightest hugs he’d ever been given “God damn you and your amazing way with words.”

      “I’ll take it as a compliment,” he replied, chuckling a small bit as he returned the hug, his nose buried in her hair “so, do you believe me?”

      “Starting to.”

      “Do you forgive me?”

      “Only if you forgive me.”

      “I forgave you ages ago,” Jim insisted, pulling away a small bit to look down at her, though the wolf within was protesting the distance “besides, I did kind of deserve it.”

      “You’re unbelievable,” she laughed, making Jim smile “but that’s why we’re friends. God, not talking to you just sucked.”

      “Same,” Jim laughed “come on, let’s have dinner and catch up. I think Asha’s getting hungry, too.”

      Though he found pulling away completely to be difficult, he somehow managed, and they spent hours chatting as he cooked, then as they ate, before she had to leave. Her smile as she left, lingering from the laughing fit that Asha knocking him off his chair had caused, made Jim’s heart race.

      “I’ll see you in the morning, Captain,” she said as she bade him farewell, eyes twinkling “I look forward to seeing you around again.”

      “Same here,” he replied, smiling bright “I’ll see you in the morning, Lieutenant.”

      As the door closed behind her and Asha, Jim knew he was well and truly screwed. He didn’t know how, he didn’t know when, but somehow, he’d fallen hard and fast for Shari. It had taken them being apart for him to finally realize it.

      At the realization, the wolf within howled, as though to say ‘about damn time’.

      Yup, he was screwed, and loving every second of it.

      Jim was in love.

[homosexualspock]

TOS Tag Game

tagged by @1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt thank you so much!! <3 i looooove talking about TOS and i have some Things. To. Say. The rules (as i understand them lol) are to answer 5 questions asked by the person who tagged you and then ask 5 questions to the people you tag! Since there were only 2 questions asked i’m gonna answer 3 from the previous ones ;)

1. Which is the most defining moment for Spock and Jim as couple, in your opinion? One which left you most shaken?

This is a super hard question because every single moment between Jim and Spock as a couple leaves me Shook but here we go

For me there are a couple of defining moments: of course the “this simple feeling” moment from TMP for obvious reasons, Amok Time (again. obvious reasons), but I also think a moment that less people think about is from This Side of Paradise; Spock was given the chance to live in a complete Utopia in complete happiness and acceptance, something he even mentions he’s never felt before. Yes, I’m 1000% aware that this utopia was an effect of the drug-like spores and the positive feelings came from being drugged, but Spock willingly left that behind to stay with Jim. He gave up complete emotional bliss (however fabricated it might be) to stay loyal to the man he would die for. We know that Jim would do anything and give up everything for Spock, and in this episode we truly understand that Spock would absolutely do the same for Jim. I think that that moment not only showcases Spock’s devotion to the one he’s in love with, but also his devotion to his most beloved friend. 

I think the moment that left me (literally) on the floor with Feelings was the “you almost make me believe in luck/you almost make me believe in miracles” moment on the bridge lol

2. What is the most disappointing thing about TOS for you?

TBH I think the character work could have been wayyyy better!!!!!!!! Like obviously we’re given Enough to appreciate the primary characters, but I wanna know MORE about Tarsus IV and Spock’s childhood and the bridge crew’s academy days and HOW they decided to join Starfleet and UGH!! I feel like there was such a missed opportunity there!!! Most if not all of the episodes are incredibly situational which works for, like, a fun tv show based on lessons and political commentary and everything, but I really wish there was more character background.

3. Which section of Enterprise are you most curious to see which was never filmed?

LET ME SEE THE DAMN OBSERVATION DECK FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!

4. What was the defining episode that you watched that made you go: Yup. I am 100% on board for this.

Honestly. Tbh. In my honest opinion... The Naked Time (or Charlie X tbh)

5. What. The fuck. Happened in the story between Season 3 and The Motion Picture. Seriously. What happened between Jim and Spock.

OKAY. HERE’S WHAT I THINK.

Spock and Jim are in a relationship aboard the Enterprise before the five-year mission ends. Jim has never been happier and neither has Spock, but Spock is afraid of just how much he cares for and loves Jim. He’s scared of his feelings and how he can’t control them around Jim and how Jim brings out this very un-Vulcan-like side of him that he’s unable to deal with; he thinks he can’t be what Jim needs because he can’t be a human, he can’t express his feelings like Jim can. Cue “The Talk” they have concerning their relationship once the five-year mission ends; Jim wants Spock to stay with him and Spock tells Jim that he is returning to Vulcan to undergo Kohlinar. CUE TERRIBLE FIGHT WHERE THERE IS ANGER AND CRYING AND HEARTBREAK AND SPOCK LEAVING JIM (Skinny Love by Birdy literally makes me cry every single time because it is the Perfect song that I imagine playing in the background of their Fight. like they’re going back and forth and Jim is crying and there’s yelling and this song just encompasses the vulnerability and Pain that they’re both going through in that moment and the desperation from Jim that they stay together and make it through this). They’re both DEVASTATED, of course, and Jim accepts admiralty because he can’t be in space without Spock, he can’t go where no man has gone before without his best friend and soulmate. And Spock attempts to purge his emotions because a life without Jim is too painful for him to bear.

A very rudimentary description of what I think happened but there you have it.

**My questions now!**

1. Who’s your favorite “villain” from TOS and why? How would you have defeated them?

2. What’s your opinion on the Prime Directive and how flexible do you think it is?

3. Which planet from the series was your favorite to visit and which one do you wish you knew more about?

4. Obligatory “favorite Jim/Spock moment”? :)

5. Do you think Sarek is a bad/good father, why/why not?

tagging: @federations @spockt @greenjimkirk @warpfactornonsense @zetomato and anyone else who wants to! <3

[capt-sulu]

16 spirk long-fic recs!!

so many kudos to all of these authors; you’re all amazing and it’s incredible that you would share your talent with the fandom like this. writing is difficult but you've all created such masterpieces!! thank you!!!

bolded = absolute favorites!!! (although tbh everything on this list is my favorite. so :))

The Lotus Eaters by aldora89; rated E, 93k words

Spock and Jim are stranded on a planet – but Jim’s afflicted by a horrible zombie-esque disease, there are some freaky bugs, and they make friends with a giant lizard warrior. Incredible, perfectly-paced slow-build. And the backstory for the planet is awesome! This is like a legit novel right here.

a sequence that you never learned by annataylor; rated E, 64k words

Jim wants to adopt a Vulcan kid, but he can’t do that unless he becomes a Vulcan citizen. The quickest way to do that is by marrying a Vulcan, and Spock steps up to the plate to help raise the child. This fic is so nice and so sweet, and I really loved reading it.

Obsession by awarrington; rated E, 23k words

Jim pines after Spock, but Spock isn’t available. Which sounds maybe normal and sad – but this one messes with alternate universes and timelines, and the ending had me shook for days.

(continued below the cut)

Refractions by bigmamag; rated E, 24k words

This one is really cool!! Three universes collide (AOS, Mirror!AOS (really cool), and an AOS where Spock stays at the VSA) and they have to figure out a way to work together to escape before the three timelines mess with one another to the point of destruction.

Still Life by dogpoet; rated M, 39k words

Crazy awesome AU where Spock begins kolihnar at a young age and Jim escapes to Vulcan after Tarsus IV. The ending is a little sad but very hopeful, and the fic is a real joy to read.

With My Feet Toward the Stars (let me remember you as you were when you existed) by kariye; rated E, 33k words

Honestly, even just rereading the summary makes me emotional. This fic is absolutely beautifully written. It was probably one of the first that I read, and it’s very perfect. The concept/premise is really interesting – but I don’t want to spoil it, so just trust me when I say it’s amazing.

Daffodil Time by ladyblahblah; rated E, 88k words

Jim and Spock meet as kiddos and, sure enough, become the best of friends. Coming-of-age/bildungsroman kind of story. This is really, really sweet and I loved reading it. The ending is sad and a cliff-hanger, though; I believe there’s an unfinished sequel.

Gift by littlebirdtold; rated E, 30k words

Jim is stranded on Vulcan as a young child but is taken in by Spock’s family. However, he must be constantly kept in hiding, as Vulcan is extremely xenophobic and would persecute him. Spock and Jim quickly become close – but how close is too close??? The ending is amazing and makes you question like… everything.

You Don’t Have To (Say Yes) by luminousbeings; rated E, 192k words

This fic is really, really heavy. Warning – the plot and development goes back to sex-abuse against a child, but it’s portrayed as an ugly, ugly thing and is handled well. The depths to which the author digs into their characters – especially Jim – is amazing. I also wanted to cry a lot. It was amazing. There’s so much to learn from this fic, which honestly is probably one of the best pieces of literature ever. Also – Great Gatsby references! Fun!!

Mutable Signs by notboldly; rated E, 34k words

In an AU where Surak’s teachings never caught traction, Sybok presents Spock with a sex slave called Kirk. WHICH SOUNDS BAD HOWEVER, Spock is NOT a douche and does NOT take advantage of Kirk in any way, shape, or form. It’s very good. The plot-twist at the end left me yellin’ for days.

Star Trek: Mirror (The Movie) by spectralPhobia; rated T, 48k words

This is a modern take on “Mirror, Mirror” set in AOS! It’s in movie script format, but that wasn’t a trouble at all. It was fantastically action-packed and adapted, 10/10 would recommend!! I also really love what the writer did with Moreau.

THAT LOOKS ON TEMPESTS by spicyshimmy; rated M, 117k words

This is kind of a sequel to “The Marriage of True Minds”, but not really. It’s like low-key Pre-Reform Vulcan, which is about as awesome as it sounds!! Which is very!!!! The basic plot is that Jim’s trying to get Earth and Vulcan to team up against the Romulans, and he’s trying to get his kidnapped brother back. Which he believes he can do by seducing Spock. It’s great!

THE MARRIAGE OF TRUE MINDS by spicyshimmy; rated M, 262k words

An AU where Spock and Jim are space princes and are in an arranged marriage!! Of course, they fall in love and all, and the progression from funny-pen-pals to mmmMMM-feelings-are-present to so-in-love-it’s-ridiculous is amazing. Worth every damn hour spent staying up late. (This is the fic that got me started and invested in this ship. ❤)

strive seek find yield by waldorph; rated E, 68k words

I didn’t even realize when I started this fic that this was a Victoria-based story!! I just saw that it was a Royal AU and I was like – that’s my jam!! But anyway, Spock is a Space Prince™, Jim is a Space Prince™ that just wants to be a Space Captain™, and it’s really great. Spock might seem OOC because he’s less logic-bound, but I think it was very well-written.

Leave No Soul Behind by whochick; rated M, 258k words

This AU is so, so perfect in so many ways. The build up to K/S is incredible, the OCs are beautifully crafted, and the characterizations are so on-point and perfect. Honestly, everything about this is perfect. The world-building… Everything is so believable and. It’s just. I could sing this fic’s praises until the end of the universe.

Measure of Happiness by writeonclara; rated M, 38k words

This one is lots of fun, and is probably the best Academy AU out there!! Basically, Jim and Spock are the same year and are forced to share a dorm, and they’re not happy about it. Except later they become happy about it. :) And there’s lots of references to TOS episodes!

[dfroza]

some people disagree with God’s creation

including the beautiful wonder of the human body made in His image, equally as male & female. for it is that our gender can never be chosen by us no matter what we think or do to the body while here in this world, since each of us will die the same gender that we were conceived in our mother’s womb which is the start of life at the genesis spark of conception between the seeds of earthly mother & father. and regardless of sexual attraction to others, it is always sinful behavior to engage sexually with anyone of the same birth gender. for in the marital bond a man becomes as “One” body with a woman through sex, and it is impossible for a man to become “One” body with another man, or a woman with another woman. and this physical and spiritual truth doesn’t change just because people don’t agree with it.

but as it now is, people hold the ability to choose to be in a mutual relationship with whoever they want to be with in this world. yet as daughters & sons of Light we are meant to follow our Creator’s design and to still respect and be kind to others who may disagree. and we are to share truth by doing so with Love. for absolutely every single one of us is in need of the same grace, and to willingly embrace it with humility of heart, mind, & body.

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 8th and closing chapter of Song of Solomon (Song of Songs) that illuminates the significance of waiting to share the body with another:

If only I could show everyone

this passionate desire I have for you.

If only I could express it fully,

no matter who was watching me,

without shame or embarrassment.

I long to bring you to my innermost chamber—

this holy sanctuary you have formed within me.

O that I might carry you within me!

I would give you the spiced wine of my love,

this full cup of bliss that we share.

We would drink our fill until . . .

His left hand cradles my head

while his right hand holds me close.

We are at rest in this love.

Promise me, brides-to-be,

by the gentle gazelles and delicate deer,

that you’ll not disturb my love until he is ready to arise.

[The Bridegroom-King]

Who is this one?

She arises out of her desert, clinging to her beloved.

When I awakened you under the apple tree,

as you were feasting upon me,

I awakened your innermost being with the travail of birth

as you longed for more of me.

Fasten me upon your heart as a seal of fire forevermore.

This living, consuming flame

will seal you as my prisoner of love.

My passion is stronger

than the chains of death and the grave,

all consuming as the very flashes of fire

from the burning heart of God.

Place this fierce, unrelenting fire over your entire being.

Rivers of pain and persecution

will never extinguish this flame.

Endless floods will be unable

to quench this raging fire that burns within you.

Everything will be consumed.

It will stop at nothing

as you yield everything to this furious fire

until it won’t even seem to you like a sacrifice anymore.

[The Shulamite Bride]

My brothers said to me when I was young,

“Our sister is so immature.

What will we do to guard her for her wedding day?”

[The Bridegroom-King]

We will build a tower of redemption to protect her.

Since she is vulnerable,

we will enclose her with a wall of cedar boards.

[The Shulamite Bride]

But now I have grown and become a bride,

and my love for him has made me

a tower of passion and contentment for my beloved.

I am now a firm wall of protection for others,

guarding them from harm.

This is how he sees me—I am the one who brings him bliss,

finding favor in his eyes.

My bridegroom-king has a vineyard of love

made from a multitude of followers.

His caretakers of this vineyard

have given my beloved their best.

But as for my own vineyard of love,

I give all the glory to you.

And I will give double honor

to those who serve my beloved

and have watched over my soul.

My beloved, one with me in my garden,

how marvelous that my friends, the brides-to-be,

now hear your voice and song.

Let me now hear it again.

[The Bridegroom and the Bride in Divine Duet]

Arise, my darling!

Come quickly, my beloved.

Come and be the graceful gazelle with me.

Come be like a young stag with me.

We will dance in the high place of the sky,

yes, on the mountains of fragrant spice.

Forever we shall be united as one!

The Song of Solomon, Chapter 8 (The Passion Translation)

A personal poetic expression of this since my own heart has become a written proposal to a woman as a seed that i’ve had to conserve:

to be accompanied by these lines:

His left hand cradles my head,

and his right hand reaches out to embrace me.

(to the young women of Jerusalem) Heed my warning:

I charge you not to excite your love until it is ready.

Don’t stir a fire in your heart too soon, until it is ready to be satisfied.

Young Women of Jerusalem: Who is this woman coming up from the desert,

leaning on her love?

Her: Under the apple tree I roused your love for me,

in the place where your mother conceived you,

in the place where she gave birth to you.

Set me as a seal over your heart;

wear me as an emblem on your arm

For love is as strong as death,

and jealousy is as relentless as the grave.

Love flares up like a blazing fire, a very ardent flame.

No amount of water can quench love;

a raging flood cannot drown it out.

If a person tried to exchange all of his wealth for love,

then he would be surely rejected.

The Song of Solomon, Chapter 8:3-7 (The Voice)

[The Woman]

Hang my locket around your neck,

wear my ring on your finger.

Love is invincible facing danger and death.

Passion laughs at the terrors of hell.

The fire of love stops at nothing—

it sweeps everything before it.

Flood waters can’t drown love,

torrents of rain can’t put it out.

Love can’t be bought, love can’t be sold—

it’s not to be found in the marketplace.

My brothers used to worry about me:

“Our little sister has no breasts.

What shall we do with our little sister

when men come asking for her?

She’s a virgin and vulnerable,

and we’ll protect her.

If they think she’s a wall, we’ll top it with barbed wire.

If they think she’s a door, we’ll barricade it.”

Dear brothers, I’m a walled-in virgin still,

but my breasts are full—

And when my lover sees me,

he knows he’ll soon be satisfied.

The Song of Solomon, Chapter 8:6-10 (The Message)

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 9th chapter of the book of Acts that documents the conversion of Saul, from a man issuing threats of arrest into a brother in Love:

During those days, Saul, full of angry threats and rage, wanted to murder the disciples of the Lord Jesus. So he went to ask the high priest and requested a letter of authorization he could take to the Jewish leaders in Damascus, requesting their cooperation in finding and arresting any who were followers of the Way. Saul wanted to capture all of the believers he found, both men and women, and drag them as prisoners back to Jerusalem. So he obtained the authorization and left for Damascus.

Just outside the city, a brilliant light flashing from heaven suddenly exploded all around him. Falling to the ground, he heard a booming voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?”

The men accompanying Saul were stunned and speechless, for they heard a heavenly voice but could see no one.

Saul replied, “Who are you, Lord?”

“I am Jesus, the Victorious, the one you are persecuting. Now, get up and go into the city, where you will be told what you are to do.”

Saul stood to his feet, and even though his eyes were open he could see nothing—he was blind. So the men had to take him by the hand and lead him into Damascus. For three days he didn’t eat or drink and couldn’t see a thing.

Living in Damascus was a believer named Ananias. The Lord spoke to him in a vision, calling his name. “Ananias.”

“Yes, Lord,” Ananias answered.

The Lord said, “Go at once to the street called Abundance and look for a man from Tarsus named Saul. You will find him at Judah’s house. While he was praying, he saw in a supernatural vision a man named Ananias coming to lay hands upon him to restore his sight.”

“But Lord,” Ananias replied, “many have told me about his terrible persecution of those in Jerusalem who are devoted to you. In fact, the high priest has authorized him to seize and imprison all those in Damascus who call on your name.”

The Lord Yahweh answered him, “Arise and go! I have chosen this man to be my special messenger. He will be brought before kings, before many nations, and before the Jewish people to give them the revelation of who I am. And I will show him how much he is destined to suffer because of his passion for me.”

Ananias left and found the house where Saul was staying. He went inside and laid hands on him, saying, “Saul, my brother, the Lord Jesus, who appeared to you on the road, has sent me to pray for you so that you might see again and be filled to overflowing with the Holy Spirit.”

All at once, the crusty substance that was over Saul’s eyes disappeared and he could see perfectly. Immediately, he got up and was baptized. After eating a meal, his strength returned.

Within the hour he was in the synagogues, preaching about Jesus and proclaiming, “Jesus is the Son of God!” Those who heard him were astonished, saying among themselves, “Isn’t this the Saul who furiously persecuted those in Jerusalem who called on the name of Jesus? Didn’t he come here with permission from the high priest to drag them off and take them as prisoners?”

Saul’s power increased greatly as he became more and more proficient in proving that Jesus was the anointed Messiah. Saul remained there for several days with the disciples, even though it agitated the Jews of Damascus.

As time passed, the Jews plotted together to kill Saul, but it was revealed to him what they were about to do. They closely guarded the gates of the city and tracked his every movement so they could kill him. But during the night, some of Saul’s converts helped him escape by lowering him down through an opening in the wall, hiding him in a woven basket.

When Saul arrived in Jerusalem, he attempted to introduce himself to the fellowship of the believers, but everyone was afraid of him because they doubted he was a true disciple. Barnabas came to his defense and brought him before the apostles. Saul shared with them his supernatural experience of seeing the Lord, who spoke with him on the road to Damascus. Barnabas also told them how boldly Saul preached throughout the city in Jesus’ mighty name.

Then they accepted him as a brother and he remained with them, joining them wherever they went in Jerusalem, boldly preaching in the power and authority of Jesus. He openly debated with some of the Jews who had adopted the Greek culture, yet they were secretly plotting to murder him. When the believers discovered their scheme, they smuggled him out of the city and took him to Caesarea and then sent him on to Tarsus.

After this, the church all over Judea, Galilee, and Samaria experienced a season of peace. The congregations grew larger and larger, with the believers being empowered and encouraged by the Holy Spirit. They worshiped God in wonder and awe, and walked in the fear of the Lord.

As Peter was ministering from place to place, he visited God’s devoted ones in the village of Lydda. He met a man there named Aeneas who had been paralyzed and bedridden for eight years. Peter said to him, “Aeneas, Jesus the Anointed One instantly and divinely heals you. Now, get up and make your bed.”

All at once he stood to his feet. And when all the people of Lydda and Sharon saw him, they became believers in the Lord.

Now, there was a follower of Jesus who lived in Joppa. Her Aramaic name, Tabitha, means “gazelle.” She lived her life doing kind things for others and serving the poor. But then she became very ill and died. After the disciples prepared her body for burial, they laid her in an upstairs room.

When the believers heard that Peter was nearby in Lydda, they sent two men with an urgent message for him to come without delay. So Peter went with them back to Joppa, and upon arriving they led him to the upper room.

There were many widows standing next to Peter, weeping. One after another showed him the tunics and other garments that Tabitha had made to bless others. Peter made them all leave the room. Then he knelt down and prayed. Turning to the dead body, he said, “Tabitha, rise up!”

At once she opened her eyes, and seeing Peter, she sat up. He took her by the hand and helped her to her feet. Then he called for the believers and all the widows to come and see that she was alive!

The news spread all over the city of Joppa, and many believed in the Lord. Peter remained in Joppa for several more days as a guest at the house of Simon the tanner.

The Book of Acts, Chapter 9 (The Passion Translation)

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for Tuesday, june 8 of 2021 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons about this in-between time:

Sometimes we seem to forget that we are not home yet... The ancient thinker Socrates argued that philosophy, when done correctly, was "practice for death," since the passing shadows of this world pointed to an unchanging good, our true end. Likewise Yeshua our Messiah taught us to take up the cross and die daily (Luke 9:23). We are to “set our affections on things above, not on things on the earth,” for we have died and our life is hidden with Messiah in God (Col. 3:2-3).

It is difficult for us to die, to let go, however, because we are deeply attached to this world, and we often abide under the worldly illusion that we will live forever, that tomorrow will resemble today, and that heaven can wait... History is littered with crumbling monuments offered to the idols of this world. The Scriptures are clear, however: "The present form (τὸ σχῆμα) of this world is passing away" (1 Cor. 7:31), and the heart of faith seeks a city whose Designer and Builder is God Himself (Heb. 11:10). "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day... For the things that are seen are turning to dust, but the things that are unseen endure forever (2 Cor. 4:16-18). Because of our sin, creation was made "subject to vanity," though God has overcome the dust of death by giving us an unshakable hope (Rom. 8:20).

The metaphysical truth that "ha’kol oveir" (הַכּל עוֹבֵר), “everything passes” like a shadow, should help us keep our perspective regarding the various moments of testing we all face in this life. As Nachman of Breslov once said, "The whole earth is a very narrow bridge, and the important thing is never to be afraid" (כָּל־הָעוֹלָם כֻּלּוֹ גֶּשֶׁר צַר מְאד וְהָעִקָּר לא לְפַחֵד כְּלָל). Yeshua is the Bridge to the Father, the narrow way of passage that leads to life. He has overcome the meretricious world and its vanities. He calls out to us in the storm saying, “Take heart. It is I; be not afraid” (Matt. 14:27). When Peter answered the call and attempted to walk across the stormy waters, he lost courage and began to sink, but Yeshua immediately took hold of him, saying, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt (lit., think twice)?” Resist the false assumptions that surround common worldly consciousness: Keep focused on the reality of Yeshua and the way he reveals... [Hebrew for Christians]

6.7.21 • Facebook

and another about a sacred question mark (?)

The Book of Lamentations is an acrostic (i.e., alphabetical) poem that begins with the Hebrew letter Aleph (א) in the word "eichah" (אֵיכָה), which also marks the Hebrew name of the book (מגילת איכה). "How (eichah) lonely sits the city that once was full of people!" (Lam. 1:1). The sages note that this word "how" (i.e., eichah) could also be read as "where are you?" (i.e., ayeka: אַיֶּכָּה), God's first word spoken to Adam after he broke covenant in the Garden (Gen. 3:9). Note that God's question is often our own: "Where are you God? Are you here, in the midst of this tedious moment? Do you know my loneliness, my ache for love? Do you understand the troubles of my heart? Do you know my pain?" And yet how many people have faith that God’s call is one of comfort and restoration? God uses our loneliness ("how lonely...") to search our hearts, asking each of us, ayeka – "Where are you?" "Why have you turned away from me and chosen a state of exile?" Our haunting sense of God’s absence impels us to seek for him... God awaits our only possible response, "Hashivenu!" -- an imperative (urgent appeal) for the grace to repent: "Turn us back to yourself, O LORD, and we shall be turned; renew our days as of old" (Lam. 5:21).

Our response to the questioning love of the LORD is called teshuvah (“turning [shuv] to God”). Teshuvah is an “answer” to a shelah, or a question. God’s love for us is the question, and our teshuvah – our turning of the heart toward Him – is the answer. As Jeremiah confessed in the hour of great trouble: "I called upon your name, O LORD, from the depths of the pit; You heard my voice: hide not your ear at my breathing, at my cry. You came near when I called upon you; you said, ‘Do not be afraid.’" (Lam. 3:55-57). [Hebrew for Christians]

6.8.21 • Facebook

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

June 8, 2021

Israel's Confession of Faith

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.” (Deuteronomy 6:4-5)

As stated in the law, Deuteronomy 6:4-9 was to be recited by all Jews both morning and evening, for it contains God’s basic plan for passing on the message of God from generation to generation.

The primary teaching is contained in verse 4. There is only one God, indivisible, although in three persons. His divine uniqueness precludes the worship of any other deity. The response to this message is that we should love that God with our entire being. Jesus Christ recognized this as the first and greatest commandment (Mark 12:30), teaching that obedience to it fulfilled one’s duty to the entire law.

The message was so important that God even gave the mechanics for passing it on. In verse 6, we see that “these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart.” Each person, particularly parents (v. 7), needed a heart commitment to God’s commandments, statutes, and judgments (vv. 1-2).

Next, they had to commit themselves to raising up a godly heritage. “Thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children” (v. 7). This teaching was to be first of all oral teaching. They were also to dress in such a way that it reflected their commitment to the law of God (v. 8), and they were to place visual reminders of the law of God all around their homes so that the children were constantly reminded of the things of God (v. 9).

Christians need to discover the truth of this passage. We must not merely assume the godly teaching of our children but also actively cultivate it. At stake is not only the personal walk of our children but also the eternal message of God. JDM