#and yes I love repressed characters in denial

[fogemorfem]

Me when Lucifer FINALLY opens his eyes and realises he's been fumbling their whole relationship, and now she's also into Cain, and his façade cracks: Awww, baby 🥹

Lucifer: I think I've made a terrible mistake...

Me: *squealing*

I feel so sorry for him AND I'm so happy he's finally cracking.

[simcardiac-arrested]

i don’t think we’re ever getting out of the “we’re just friends” “oh yeah those characters are such good friends (sarcasm)” “they’re not friends they’re gay” etc etc hole. we’re never getting out of that hole

[yuri-is-online]

oof that's a really good morally grey pwp idea... if darkwick tells mc her curse cannot be lifted but can be passed on to a child -> the new cure is for her to be impregnated by a ghoul (better chance of whatever makes them ghouls overpowering whatever makes mc cursed), give birth to that child and for darkwick to kill the newborn immediately... but to prevent any of the ghouls from forming a real attachment to the fetus and somehow busting into the delivery room to save it, they can't know who the father is -> cue a multichapter pwp fic (with the exception of rui)...

(sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, please delete if so!!)

( • ̀ω•́ )✧ fufuufufufu no I don't mind this, I lack the technical skills to write it but yes that's a really good pwp idea. Poor Rui this might be enough to make him actually lose it, can you imagine being someone whose main character trait is being a whore, but being denied your godgiven right join the school sanctioned gangbang? They're even encouraging you to hit it raw fuck this stupid baka life he's done. I also like how you excluded Rui but not Zenji because that would make it even worse... the ghost gets to hit it but he doesn't? ED GETS TO HIT IT BUT NOT HIM?!?!?!!!!

I was thinking about smut when I typed that of course but I didn't really spend a lot of time thinking about the plot because I was too busy inventing new ethical questions. Would Taiga want to eat the baby? It is technically part anomaly... he doesn't want to eat Ed or Lyca so I would guess not but still. What about guys like Romeo, Ritsu, or Jin? Would they even agree to participate in something like this given how important children are to rich fussy families would they see making one like this extra wrong? Or would the horny kick in and they not want to allow the chance for MC's baby to be anyone other than theirs? Oh and on Ritsu, I feel like he'd be making a bunch of weird legal arguments trying to justify wanting to get the mc pregnant. He's just repressed, the arguments don't matter, but would he then try to make a bunch of arguments to keep the baby alive? Is there a legal standard of personhood in Japan and do I even want to research that-

Speaking of personhood, Lyca, Ed, and Zenji. I feel like Lyca wouldn't be able to let go of the idea of MC as his mate and that child as his baby. He wants to live with humans and be human, part of that seems to be him wanting a real family so if he was the baby daddy this would just be extra cruel. His instinct and desire is to love and protect, and even if he didn't have that he knows what Darkwick is like. Danger or not he doesn't want them killing you or the baby. Ed probably just wouldn't see what the problem is. Yes, his baby is an abomination from hell part vampire part Kyklos (so little human he doesn't need to mention that). No, he will not be letting Darkwick kill them and yes he will know if the baby is his, he has a sixth sense for these sorts of things. Now now don't cry, he might be an old man but he's not above taking responsibility, Japan was getting boring anyway. He can drop you off in whatever hole he crawled out of to can rest and recover while he watches the baby and shows them man made horrors beyond their comprehension (conspiracy youtube videos). I brought up Zenji just because the image of MC wanting to get dicked down by a ghost and conducting a dark ritual to let him do it. Also idk Zenji feels like another extra tragic because he also is someone who values family so I don't think he would want to see his child die, but also if it could save MC he'd really want to try and help.

Yuri would be very smug about this being a solution, volunteer to help, realize that everyone thinks he wants to fuck the MC, and then pass out from screaming denial and the mental image of her bare neck. I feel like he'd be one of the "worse" choices in Darkwick's mind because he would probably want to keep the baby to experiment on, but be completely unable to see them as anything other than his child and devolve into the same desperate search to cure them as he was on with MC. And he expects child support! He will not be a single father, MC get back here and take some responsibility for your actions!!! Jiro also feels like someone who would volunteer not realizing the method he was volunteering for but unlike Yuri he just rolls with it. He's so unashamed of nudity, yours or his, and what is sex if not nudity with some extra steps-

(My mind more went towards artificial insemination, so Rui wouldn't be excluded from the pool and there was no chance for the ghouls to form an emotional connection to either the MC or their potential baby. Oh I also don't think Darkwick would tell MC or the dad that the kid is going to be killed. They would probably lie about it and act like the child would be fine, just maybe an anomaly they would need to keep an eye on. And then they lie to MC and say the baby was still born but they just keep them in a little padded room and experiment on them their whole life, which just starts the Kyklos cycle anew except this time the monster is sentient and out for blood with intent.)

[tomwambsmilk]

"[Shiv's pregnancy] was always something that Jesse had discussed in the writers' room, and so once we decided to bring it into the narrative it added a completely different take, I guess, on some of the scenes... I think Shiv's got some pretty complicated feelings about becoming a mother. She's, in some ways, feigning indifference because, again, it's one of those things that's almost too hard to face and Shiv doesn't like dealing with emotions. It's easier to repress things. I think there's a competitiveness in there against her feelings with her own mother and her desire to better her own mother's maternal qualities - but a fear that she probably won't be able to do that. [And] a fear and a frustration that all the things that she's been working towards and aiming towards she may not now be able to achieve because she will be a mother as well as a businesswoman, and how do these two things coalesce in her life? I think that she hasn't really considered that as a path for her life, and so it's quite a shock....

Especially with the conversation about the viability of the pregnancy, I think for her, in a way, it would have been easier if there was something wrong so that she could have a reason to terminate and not feel guilt. But, with nothing wrong, there's no reason to not continue. So it's a complex - hoping for the worst in a strange sort of unfazed way.... [She doesn't tell Tom because] it's too complicated, I think. It changes too much, there's too much going on - her father just died, there's so many business machinations happening, that to then bring Tom into it in a familial sense would confuse it again. She doesn't know how she feels about it herself. In a way she, I think, would prefer to decide what her own feelings were about this before she has Tom's feelings muddying the waters...

Shiv as a parent - I can't really imagine her with a little baby at all! And in some ways - she probably won't have it with her a lot. She would have nannies and she would - the premise of Shiv becoming a mother is fascinating to me... Definitely what Shiv would be contemplating is 'in what ways is this going to hold me back, not propel me forward'. Which is pretty - like, as a standard of society, that's the thought we go to first, and presume is what she would be thinking. Yes, that's right for the character, for Shiv, but also - a human being growing another human being entirely from scratch is an extraordinary feat no matter what. That's the powerful one! That's the strong one! That's the one that manages to get it out of their body and manages to then feed it from the things they make in their own body. Women are extraordinary! And yet those are the very things that we use to... yeah! Yeah! To hold them back! It's wild!" - Sarah Snook on HBO's Succession Podcast: "Honeymoon States"

"We wanted to slowly reveal [Shiv's pregnancy] because we're not one of those shows (as I'm sure you can tell) that wants to immediately just, like, stuff all the drama and immediately grab you by the lapels and go, "Keep watching! Keep watching!" We kind of like to move more slowly than that. And there's obviously so much going on in these first three episodes - particularly the third - and we thought it was a rather nice reveal, actually, for her to have this phone call with the doctor at the top of Four, I'll say because I think Shiv has been a bit in denial about it up until this point as well. She's broken up from her husband essentially, they've separated, and she's discovered that she's pregnant, and I think she's had mixed feelings about that... The way I always think of it is - it wasn't bad news, exactly, but it was the worst possible time. What I love about that performance as well as the writing is - it's not something you see very often, and I think it's very truthful, which is: this is a very complicated situation for her, where it's the fact that she's pregnant with her husband who she's separated from the child, and she isn't even particularly sure that she 100% wants to go through that. It's now all on her. And I think that's a big part of what she's feeling which is - 'oh, I guess that's good news, but in a way, as awful as it is to say, it would have been easier to hear the other'." - Lucy Prebble on HBO's Succession Podcast: "Honeymoon States"

[mulberriesandtea]

A VERY DISORGANIZED AND WEIRD MESS OF THOUGHTS THAT ARE ALL RELATED TO THE SODA EGO SOMEHOW

So wellcheer's story is like, this employee getting drugged and taken aboard a ship, and eventually coming to enjoy his work there, finding it better than working in the city. In general this reads to me as the escapist fantasy of the employees, wanting something that's more fulfilling, more satisfying, hoping for a change. While I think Hong Lu having it is somewhat self explanatory, I think we need to consider Ryoushuu as well, since both can provide context for one another. I will also bring up the fact that someone pointed out they could correlate to the types of work that give grape wellcheers, those being attachment(being kind and friendly) and repression(denying the abnormality in some way)- which I didn't quite agree with at first, but I think I understand better now that yes, it's likely. With that out of the way~! Let's talk about Hong Lu, since he's the one we understand the most about! These are not clean sections by the way. They're ramblings of a mad man.

"Tadaa~ Transformation complete! Hah, we've a boatload!" 

- Hong Lu Awakening

I think Hong Lu's is specifically meant to represent denial as his form of escapism. He denies anything that happens to him, and instead focuses on other things. We can note that Hong Lu seems to enjoy film in some way, and often mentions boredom and 'entertainment.' Not to mention Land of Illusion(I stare at the 5 gloom cost good fucking lord). Yah. Anyways, his magical girl transformation is an obvious reference to well, magical girl shows. Y'know, the kind of shows you watch and go 'man I'd love to be just like her" at least according to people. Understanding that, as well as pointing out that in both his Dimension Shredder and his Roseate Desire he seems a lot more overtaken by the abnormality than Yi Sang and Ishmael respectively in their awakenings(Yi Sang at least has both arms and Ishmael seems really not to be having a fun time), I think I can safely say that I think Hong Lu being on the boat is quite literally him fully accepting the fantasy of it. Have any of you method acted before? I have done it before, but not correctly, and I'm easily swayed by the emotions and thoughts of the characters I overtake, it's incredibly hard to maintain a divide between 'yourself' and 'your character' if you don't properly understand yourself- I mention this because it's quite literally what the Sinners do. I know this seems random to bring up but I hear me out here. I think it's clear that method acting wise, Hong Lu gets much more lost in his roles than the other sinners- I'd argue Canto IV especially shows this. Some of the others seem to also have trouble with Canto IV's play scene, but I believe the difference between that and their EGOs is how prolonged it is. Hard to explain, but yeah, Hong Lu quietly gets much more lost in his roles and it really does show in his EGOs- which is likely part of the escapism of it all. TL;DR I think his thing is denial, and as such, he represents the Repression half of the Wellcheers Grape Soda, and the reason he's on the boat is that he's *fully* invested in the EGO.

...Someone more into method acting should explain it better and see how it works within the context of EGO.

"Go on, open wide. Relax and cram this drink down your throats, heheh." 

- Ryoushuu Awakening

And that brings us to Ryoushuu, who I think represents the Attatchment side. And that might sound really weird at first. Why is the friendly one who seems to be more open with everyone Repression and the one who quite literally would attack other people and seems much more distant from everyone else despite it being several months now be Attachment? I'll explain more in Hong Lu's corrosion section. Anyways Ryoushuu! I think, in a way, her EGO, and the fact it's Zayin, is rather important- I'm still not quite sure on that aspect outside of 'it is really notable Gregor and Ryoushuu have Zayin EGOs.' I think her form of escapism is much more external than Hong Lu's- of course there's her tendency to smoke, but there's also her tendency to get obsessed with her art- and I think the fact that art is often heavily affected by the emotions of the creator is important. Art's a form of venting in a sense, but the way Ryoushuu does art she forces other people to deal with her problems. It's hard to explain gosh. Basically, she's very much ignoring her problems by creating art- she's not solving the root problem, she's not actually understanding why she's feeling that way, she just doesn't deal with it. THIS IS SHORTER THAN HONG LU'S SECTION BUT IN MY DEFENSE-

"The seagulls... They keep crying and screaming away...!" 

- Hong Lu Corrosion

So yeah these two. Ryoushuu's based on a man who committed suicide after the death of his daughter(who we know is dead in Limbus too, Fourth Match Flame and Red Eyes very heavily imply that, not to mention how Ryoushuu reacts to Outis during Hell's Chicken) and very much so has self-destructive behavior(said staring directly at Indiscriminate Art, which passive wise is exactly the same as Self-Neglect, and her smoking habits), while Hong Lu seems to very much have a persona of being cheerful and oblivious to the point of where it's very hard to tell if he's being genuine or not(The one potato joke in Hell's Chicken)- a persona that has not cracked yet in story, even when Faust attempted to break it with a sledgehammer(Once again, Hell's Chicken). I mention this because his persona has cracked in his EGOs- and this is one of them. I argue that both of their egos will be them no longer able to confide in their coping mechanisms of escapism, and their reactions to that. Hong Lu's EGO specifically shows him with the net stuck around him and in his mouth, and with him seeming almost panicked and lost. It's very particular he seems focused on the 'seagulls' which can seem a bit random, but I believe this is due to the 'seagulls' representing his last thread of escapism- his world, literally and in his denial, is falling apart. I'd argue that Ryoushuu's will be somewhat similar, also representing her thread of escapism falling apart- likely to do with either Yuzuki’s death or her completion of the ‘Hellscreen,’ and her being unable to deal with it.

I think they'll both be either Lust or Gluttony EGOs put a cute little thumbsup here

Of course I can be like, completely wrong. Anyways it's like 3 in the morning stream heart's claws by vane(flashing colors warning): 

https://youtu.be/2M2BHjVQPH4

i wanted to post the sodas but that’d take too long

[rose-riot-johnson]

Hi my Tumblr Peeps😃 I have been thinking about this for a while and I decided to write a fanfic pertaining a certain character from The Seven Deadly Sins... So, I figured why not try writing a fanfic about Ban, as the staring character🤔💡😃👍 It's honestly not because of a fanfic or 2 of the fanfics pertaining Ban I have rebloged, though I am really inspired to actually write a fanfic about him, when I did (or when I am), however the real reason for writing about him is actually because I'm seeing why people like Ban and The Seven Deadly Sins anime😁👍

*This fanfic contains 1 or more long paragraphs😅

🍓I Loved You, Eversince The First Time I Had Ever Laid Eyes On You🍓(Ban x Female Reader)

Genres: Angst, Comfort, Smut (And sex), and Possible Mutual Confession (Warning +18⚠️: Alcohol Use, Language, Sexual comments, Nudity, mentions of virginity loss, praise kink, and sexual contact (including oral sex (both recieving), ass grabbing, nipple pulling, and vaginal penitration))

When Ban first met you, you were one of the customers of the Boar Hat tavern. He did have a crush on you, however you had a boyfriend, so ofcourse he's not going to overstep your relationship with (character or boyfriend or random name of reader's choice). While your boyfriend at the time seemed nice, considering that he always goes with you, whenever you go there, however Ban couldn't help that something felt off about the boyfriend you were with.

One night when the other sins including, Meliodas went to rest, Ban was the only one who stayed up and filled in for Meliodas, to see, if Boar Hat will have any customers for that night. The next thing that happened was that you showed up, as he assumes you're one of the customers, however the boyfriend you were with never came with you, which made Ban wonder why he didn't come with you, as he always did. Ban was confused as he then said, "I'm surprised you came without this boyfriend of yours. Did something happen for him to be unable to come or do you prefer not to talk about it?".

As Ban decided to let you have, as much as (creamy alcoholic beverage of reader's choice), you feel you needed to have for free, since you come here alot and you asked him for that particular alcoholic beverage you always ordered at Boar Hat, you answered, "Well Ban, between you and me... (character or boyfriend or random name of reader's choice) has been accusing me of cheating on him... You have to believe me when I tell you this... I never cheated on him once... He had always been jealous, I guess... This is why he was going everywhere I went... I did repressed and was deep down in denial that I had a crush on youand despite this, I have never flirted with anyone, especially you, Ban... Unfortunately he caught onthat I've been blushing everytime he mentions about you, even tough he complains that you're in the Boar Hat tavern everytime he and I come there and he just instantly accuses me of cheating on him for you... He thinks having a crush on someone and cheating are the exact same thing... I mean I barely looked at anyone else except him, so I know that I didn't even flirt with anyone else and he still accuses me of the cheating I never committed... It's also unfortunate that earlier this morning, I woke up and I was looking for him, then I found a note saying that I should find another place to live and other horrible stuff he wrote, especially wanting to break up with me, hinting that he wants me to leave the place he and I were living in together and never comeback or else...", as you were trying to hold your emotions in, while drinking your favorite creamy alcoholic beverage. Ban then asked, "Did you take the note with you, if you don't mind me asking, (Female Reader Name)?". You nodded your head, yes before handing the note to him.

While Ban was reading the break up note (character or boyfriend or random name of reader's choice) wrote to you, he has noticed that you were right when you told him that (character or boyfriend or random name), who is now your ex has written horrible stuff and it was much worser than he thought. Ban began to notice that your now ex boyfriend wrote was not only written out of jealousy, however it was also written out of dissing you, especially calling you nasty names in the note and Ban also notices that your now ex has written on how you will never find anyone better than him and he will find someone much better than you even in bed. This has really not only shocked Ban badly, however he felt sad for you, while pissed off for what (character or boyfriend or random name) has written in the note about you.

Ban then decided to invite you to camp out with him in a forest for the rest of the night, since he notices that you're trying to hide the fact your self confidence has been hurt, which you accepted his invite, so he decided to close up Boar Hat for the rest of the night, so he help you with your confidence that your now ex had tooken from you possibly the whole time you were with him (and the break up note made your confidence even worse). Once the both of you picked out a spot in a forest to camp in, he asked, "Why did this guy wrote in the note that you will never find anyone better than him and why the fuck did he write that he will find someone in bed better than you? Don't you think that there's something wrong with him and not you?".

You had to think for a minute about Ban's questions before answering, "I think it's because maybe it's true, considering, everyone I have dated has left me due to me being myself, so I thought trying to change for my now ex would help the relationship I did have with him, however nothing can or ever will change the fact that I'm unlovable... I thought forcing myself to have it with him would make him happier... It's just that I unfortunately had horrible luck at love... I guess whatever he says is true...". Ban was shocked to hear your answer, as he then replied, "I see... Your self-confidence is worse than I thought... Regardless if he was aware of your abandonment issues or not, he is basically a scumbag for everything he has been doing to you... I get you cared for him and all, however I just knew something was off about him, since the first time meeting you and he's wrong for every horrible thing he did and said to you... You're also wrong on something... You're not unlovable... If you don't believe me, I can prove it to you... Forcing yourself to do anything you don't want, especially sexual, is not going to help your well-being... I'm telling you this, because I loved you, eversince the first time I had ever laid eyes on you... I just never said anything earlier, considering I have respect for the relationship you had with him and I definitely have respect for you... Tonight is the night of me giving you any form of intimacy you want... It doesn't have to be sexual, if you don't want... It can be cuddling and other forms of intimacy... However if you want to go sexual then I can do that, only IF you want to...", before he took off his jacket, becoming shirtless. "Well, Ban... I wish I did lose my virginity to you, instead my now ex, honestly... You definitely have alot of respect for me and stuff... You may have a point... I get I maybe rushing things with you, however you are always kind to me, which I always appreciate it...", you replied back before taking your clothes off.

After you took your clothes completely off, Ban blushed and smiled, trying to hide his smile, as he said, "Are you one hundred percent sure you want to have sex with me? I just wanted to makesure before we do this, because you did mention forcing yourself with your now ex when you were with him and as much as I like to have sex with you, I don't want you to force yourself just because of me...". You answered, "I'm sure, Ban... I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't sure... I honestly felt ready... It's just I only have been ready for you...". Once Ban took the hint that you're certain about it, he letted you pull his pants down, as you began to notice his bare hard cock.

The next thing that happened was Ban laid down for you to get on top of him and suck on his cock. Meanwhile he was holding your ass right before eating out your pussy. He knew he would get his enjoyment out of getting his cock sucked on by you and eating your pussy, however he was really surprised to be spoiled and spoiling you, especially like this. After he got done eating your pussy Ban whisperered to you in groans and praised, "I definitely don't know what your ex sees in writing negative stuff about you in the note he wrote for you... You're doing amazing job with sucking on my cock and eating your pussy makes me feel like I'm in heaven... Your ex seriously doesn't know what he's talking about...". Once you got done sucking on his dick, he continued, "If you want, I'm willing to let you ride on this hard cock of mine, that you did an amazing job sucking on, my princess...".

You knew you wanted to try riding on Ban's cock, despite of what your now ex has written about you in the note he has written for you. When you finally start riding on Ban's hard cock, your pussy also began to tighten around his cock. The both of you groaned from the feeling of his cock inside of your pussy. As he was moving his hands from your assto your sides, then your tits, he looked into your eyes, trying to hold his moans (like you're trying to hold your moans), as he cooed and praised, "You're doing amazing riding on my dick, (Female Reader Name)... Your pussy is definitely taking my cock well... Your whole body is nice, just like you in general...". The both of you gave eachother sloppy kisses (trying to quiet down eachother's moans), while he was pulling on your nipples, as you continue to ride on his cock.

After you cummed around Ban's cock and he emptied himself inside of your pussy, you began to lay on top of him and luckily for the both of you, he brought a blanket with him, which that same blanket he brought with him, he had that blanket laying next to both you and him, so he would be able to cover both you and himself up with that blanket. Once he wraps both of his arms around you, he whispered, "We both know I enjoyed what we were doing together... However, did you enjoyed everything we were doing together, my sweet angel?". You smiled at him and replied, "Ofcourse I did, Ban... It's just I also enjoyed your company, honestly...". Ban then smiled at you back, as he replied back, "I enjoy your company too, my strawberry cupcake...", proceeded to hold you tighter before the both of you fell asleep, while snuggling for the rest of the night. After that night the both of you had an official relationship together, since then...

🍓The End🍓

I hope you enjoyed this fanfic my Tumblr Peeps😁👍Anyways my Tumblr Peeps... I did plan on writing a smut fanfic for Ban with writing this fanfic, however I decided to take this Ban smut I have written in a (somewhat if not a completely) different approach, so if there are any errors in grammar or anything else in the fanfic or other parts of this post this fanfic is in, it's more of figuring out ways to write this particular fanfic about Ban😅 I honestly have been secretly keen on him for a while, however recently in my personal life, me being keen on him was no longer a secret, and I haven't talked about my husby as often as I used to in my posts on Tumblr, however he was the 1st person to catch on that I was trying repress the fact I was keen on him, which my husby found cute that Ban is 1 of the characters I'm a fan of, needless to say😅😃👍I just really wanted to give writing a fanfic about Ban, a try😃👍Anyways my Tumblr Peeps, I hope this fanfic makes your day and/or night🌞☀️🌝🌕

[aurorialwolf]

SO! Next installment of my series of posts detailing the ocs I made up for the next gen of redacted characters (aka the kids of redacted characters) At the time of writing this, the dynamic of Samuel Jr. and Adrian is winning on the poll I posted! Samuel Jr. is the kid of Sam & Darlin in my AU-ish thing, and Adrian is the son of Alexis Getty! Link to my in-detail info dump about Samuel: https://www.tumblr.com/aurorialwolf/757447421698654208/yall-ever-heard-of-epigenetics-okay-mildly?source=share Cutoff so that it doesnt make a super long post on ppls dashes

For starters, I am going to write out what I think needs to be known about Adrian for all this to hit home properly, I may make a longer post about him if I feel this doesn't cover it but thats for later - Full name: Adrian Getty - Ranking in the House: Duke - Son of Alexis Getty, he is the result of a fling between her and a man from another clan (this makes him literally an official bastard) - He vehemently dislikes his mother, as they have a very unhealthy relationship, considering how, like Samuel, he was turned by his own blood (except fully), and therefore, Alexis counts as his maker, and invokes him as a disciplinary measure. William has not stopped this, because he is unaware. - I have anon asks off so if u really love Alexis im sorry but u cant yell at me for this - He is a guard for Emily Solaire, daughter of William Solaire, mostly as a formality, and to give him a purpose within the clan. Now! Onto the actual dynamic Imagine that your child, and your ex's child, meet each other, and decide to continue your feud. That's how it feels for poor ol' Sam. Samuel and Adrian hate each other. Sort of. Adrian hates Samuel, but Samuel thinks it's really funny.

- They take turns provoking each other, and end up trying to beat each other up.. in front of multiple vampiric nobles.. not a great look for their parents - It's kind of gay? hear me out- - Samuel flirts a lot with Adrian, provoking him into sparring - Adrian is like.. definitely gay but has majorly repressed it, bro is in denial (mainly bc he assumes Alexis won't accept him, and will just harm him further for it :(( ) - Samuel is trying to help him? Probably. but also who wouldn't want to provoke their attractive vampire rival - Ok but he really is trying to help - After a while of meeting up at events, they finally hang around outside of official vampire territory, and mostly just spar, but sometimes talk! like normal folks - One day, after Samuel undergoes some p r e t t y b a d t r a u m a, he's all bandaged up, and Adrian shows up to spar, but decides to leave him to rest, despite Samuel's protests that he's still capable - At their next match, he goes way easier on Samuel, which leads Samuel to question him, saying that he's recovered now - Turns out, seeing him injured made Adrian realize he actually does care about Samuel's wellbeing, and they agree to a truce, deciding to not fight literally every time they see each other - They become friends! And they confide in each other about their problems, creating a really strong bond - They still definitely enjoy fighting though, since they are at about an equal level, making it a fun challenge - Before they became friends, whenever Samuel would show up somewhere (at like a Solaire event or sm) with Vivienne after they'd gotten some kind of treat (slushie etc) Samuel would bring him a lemon snack, and lemon is Adrian's favourite flavour :3 obviously Adrian pretends to be pissed off but he really does appreciate it Now how do their parents feel? Alexis hates everything about them hanging around each other. She repeatedly invokes Adrian to stay away from him and push him away, but Samuel finds a way around the invokation, using their blood bond (yes theyre blood bonded ooooh) to skirt around it Sam? He's kind of unsure at first, and doesn't really trust Adrian, but he warms up to it, and supports Adrian whenever he comes to their house for help or just to hang around. He makes Samuel and Adrian hot cocoa when it's cold out :3 and he's happy that his son is helping Adrian out, even if they had initially been fighting because of their parents' feud. Also both of them do notttt like the fact that their kids flirt given their previous relationship and how it ended,, Sam is worried it'll spiral into a similarly toxic situation and it just pisses Alexis off So yeah :3 Samuel and Adrian are actually really close, but it takes a couple years for them to get that way This really does sound like some rivals to lovers stuff huh hfgjksdhgks Taglist: @vegafan69 @darlin-collins @kxemii @professionallyyappin @sereh624

[skarkkk]

First;

I think it's cool that the triangle is over, and that Tristan is with Vivian and Max and Avery are together, but it also doesn't seem right. I don't see much chemistry in Max and Avery together, you know? Just the two of them, even though I like them just as I like Tristan and Vivian.Something is missing, and we know what it is.

Second;

I loved that a bunch of cool costumes appeared in the Halloween episode (Wolverine, Addams, Jack fucking Sparrow, Velma, etc.) and I loved Tristan being a fan of Halloween.

Third;

I liked that there was a bad experience there just with Tristan getting high, but he barely had it this episode so I don't know what to say, besides that I was really expecting something more serious precisely because of him bumping into Gomes.

Fourth;

Tristan extended his hand to Avery, then extended the other to Max, and the look that Max and Avery exchanged and then looked at Tristan, damn, there's no way this won't end in a threesome, right? Does everyone agree? I want a slowburn, an attraction and denial of feelings between the boys and I want Vivian to be happy, but maybe don't with Tristan because he already has a man and a woman for him.

Fifth;

yes fuck, long live lesbians, I was happy she didn't die and didn't lose her arm (even though I think she was pretty stupid for going into that cave, but what can you do, brave people) and it ended well for them.

Sixth;

I need the Captain to have daddy issues, please, because then I can use "A middle-aged man who is healing boy's daddy issues while also healing his own." for his relationship with Tristan because I found it so meaningful and cute that he let Tristan wear his uniform (even though he said it was because of the near-death experience, I know your type, sir he's not my son-he's my son) and I really hope she's right, because it would be awesome to see Tristan's Mommy Issues put aside while he creates a father-son relationship, you know? Because now I'm also curious about his father, who I don't remember if they mentioned it until now, but anyway, yeah, I need to know.

Seventh;

can we talk, as fans of Doctor Odyssey and 911, how easy is it for someone to do a crossover starting with the guy from the cruise who was also on Athena and Bobby's cruise? That blond guy who was in Flash too. Someone really needs to do this. Maybe an almost Eddie/Tristan that triggers Buddie and Avery/Max/Tristan... Just an idea (someone please do it)

Eighth;

I had said in the study of the other episode that I wanted to see Tristan in a near-death experience, coincidentally that happened, but I don't feel like it was enough. I need more trauma, more character development and more Max/Tristan because I love their interactions.

Ninth;

okay, like Jack Sparrow Max might have won, but Tristan got the better of Neptune there.

Tenth;

(oh my god, how did I almost forget this???) that scene with Tristan at the party, the first one where he sees Max with the same Neptune costume but also before that, when it showed his blurred vision and he almost bumped into people, you know? We all realized that the looks those men gave him were definitely Queer as hell, we also noticed his confused state, but still, it means something, right? What men on this cruise want him (totally understandable) and maybe he can want them back? Maybe a scene of some man hitting on him and Max kind of in that way that we readers like, Tristan realizing some things about himself, if he doesn't already know. Because, come on, mommy issues (seeking approval, probably a "what's wrong with me?" ) + running away to the sea (repressing himself, an escape) + medicine (self-demanding, pressure) + giving off that vibe? This boy may not end up with Max and Avery, but there's no way he's 100% straight, please.

Eleventh;

Still waiting for a mention of Brazil... Silva... please ABC?

[heretherebedork]

So, something I've been thinking about since watching Intern in my Heart for the BL side couple is that one of my favorite and very rare archetypes is the 'straight for society' archetype. Which lead me to think about the 'gay for you' archetype/trope because they're so similar but also completely opposite.

So!

Straight for Society is a specific archetype based on queer characters who, due to the heteronormative society they live in, do not even consider that they might be queer when they absolutely are. That part is important. This is someone who is queer but never thought of it or considered it because the world had told them that they aren't, simple as that. The most extreme version of this is Tonhon from Tonhon Chonlatee.

(Let me be very clear here, I love Tonhon Chonlatee. Love. Is it good? No. It is amazing? Yes. I adore Tonhon and I love Chonlatee and Neo was glorious in that how and I loved Chon's mom and just the entire friend group was basically perfect... anyway, yeah, just to be clear, love it.)

Tonhon never thought he might be queer because society and his family told him that it wasn't even a choice to be considered and so he never let himself consider it until he was confronted by his own desires in the most literal sense.

And that's what I'm feeling from Grey in Intern in my Heart. He feels like the kind of guy who was always masculine and always tough and so the idea that he was also queer just never occurred to him, especially as he's also obviously attracted to women making it easier to just never consider that as an idea.

But I feel like some people find it hard to distinguish it from gay for you. Which is a distinctly harmful and negative trope (or archetype, depending on how you use the terms and how specific we get with this) that I hate.

Gay for you is about someone who would describe themselves as straight basically saying that they are making an exception for this One Guy that he now love and that it has nothing whatsoever to do with repressing his queerness or being in denial of his identity. He does not identify as queer in any way and it's not society holding him back, this attraction and love is a singular event in his life... or implied to be, at least.

Now, there is at least one exception to this and that is My Only 12% in which he basically goes 'look, I love you and only you and if you need me to identify as gay to be comfortable I will but I wouldn't have otherwise' and that's because it is very clearly set up as him accepting his attraction and then going with it for his identity. There is full respect for the queer identity he's going with and an understanding that while this might be an exception, it's not an exception in terms of gender but rather in terms of ever loving someone like this.

Uh.

Anyway.

All this to say... I wish we had more genuine straight for society characters. I supposed we're kind of getting one in Fire on Cooking Crush but that entire romance is my absolute nightmare... his character is great and, truthfully, a good example of this but the way they're written his relationship with Dynamite sets my teeth on edge.

[fadelbison]

asdgjgdsfghjg okay so @kattyangel has figured me out so thoroughly. i do need to be asked like a vampire about my unhinged thoughts but i am SO ready to always share them!! as usual all anon hate must go to katty because technically ive been asked.

Anyhow without further ado my thesis on:

Firstkhao characters and their no loads refused pimped out cumdump events ranking

1. Chonlatee

I've already put him at first in the answer to the ask that started all this but since its a ranking it bears repeating. He wins by a landslide no loads refused means no loads refused

2. Yok

He's the pimp. He's organizing these events keeping things safe sane and consensual for everybody. But loads are being refused left and right when he's the main course. There's a guest list and there's a mortal kombat style competition to see who's getting on it. Dan loses round 1 to Black.

3. Gaipa

Look he's gonna be shy about it and it's gonna need some convincing. But. You've seen The Boots, I've seen The Boots. He's good for it. He's reading a 50s suburban housewife manual on How To Be Most Wife, yes. But until he's a Master Level Wife you bet he's gonna practice every skillset to its absolute limit.

4. Akk

You reserve the right to be in denial about how 'no loads refused cumdump' was the exact future his repressed ass was careening towards in order to Just Feel SomethingTM before Ayan came into his life but *my* eyes are open.

...Also the world deserves it, dont you think?

5. Kant

It's NOT the subbing okay its NOT the fact that he subs. In fact, I have little proof in favor of it from any canon reason from what we've seen. In fact, this spot was originally meant to go to Jimbae. But - then I had a thought. Khaotung loves Kant, he's even gone so far as to confirm that Yok has always been his number one UNTIL Kant. And look where Yok is on this list. I think the reason why Khaotung finds Kant so extremely fuckable likeable is a little bit because of whatever this magic juice is. i just know that this ranking will make total sense to me after the heartkillers will come out. i trust in khaotung to be predictably horny.

[protags-fic-blog]

sorry if this is abrupt but i saw you tagged a Toma meme with “I think about this man a lot” so now I’m humbly requesting your Toma thoughts when you have a spare moment please 🎤

literally anything you’ve got, i love him a whole lot but I’m always hesitant to talk about him with others in the community because i find that most people really despise him so finding someone who actually seems to unironically like him is always nice lol

okay. i LOVE him. he's crazy. he's bonkers, even. and for some damn reason, that's a turn on. i have a small shrine dedicated to him on my shelf. and just for you, my dear anon, i will expose myself (and my shrine) to the world as the toma fan i am. and i LOVE asks, no need to worry about it being 'abrupt' or anything. i can to tumblr to interact with sweeties like you, anon!

While a lot of my thoughts are 'wow heehee pretty blond man', he's my favorite to think about when I write anything amnesia related. He's just. such a complex character. Everyone else has pretty simple motivations of 'get together with mc'. Even Ukyo's motivation is just 'get together with mc'. And yeah, Toma's main goal is to get with her too. But he doesn't know that. He is so far in denial of his own feelings. And when he embraces his more emotional side, his logical side not only pushes that way down, but also goes a little crazy. Like, yes, obviously everything he did to the MC was out of love (and jeeeeez why couldn't we have just listened to him?? never would've needed the cage), but it was his denial of his own feelings that caused him to take it so far. When he represses his own emotions, it seeps in to his logic, and makes him take things too far.

I love Toma in Heart World as well.... I think the anger did something to my brain. In Heart, he really tries to hide his mistakes from the mc, but in Diamond, he really lays himself bare. I like the dichotomy of the character, and the best part? Both versions of him are TOMA.

I guess you could kind of compare the dichotomy of Toma with Ukyo. But for Ukyo, there are simply two of them. Heck, they're even given different sprites. Toma is undoubtedly whole, and everything he does, sane or not, is 100% him.

Something about him is just so appealing. Even Ukyo, the literal antagonist in most of the game, is less ambiguous. Something about it... it drives me a little crazy. Just a tiny tiny bit.

And now for my shameless self promo, anon, you are welcome to request more of my Toma thoughts!! If you'd like to see what I have to say on him, you can check out my masterlist. I'm reconsidering an old 'explanations' post for the playlist thanks to you!!

[yaksha-lover]

I love how you write Rollo in any of your Aus. He's simultaneously so delusional and crazy yet so bulliable and pathetic. It makes me want to tease the shit out of him like "Oh you just wanna kiss me so damn bad don't you~. You just want a smoochy smooch don't you, you touch starved little man~" even though I know it would probably be a threat to my health and safety, depending on the circumstance.

Haha thank you. I know some people interpret him as relatively normal, but I just can’t. It’s so much more fun if he’s a loser.

I’ll wait till I finish the full masquerade event to make my judgements, but from the spoilers I’ve seen, I actually do feel that Rollo would be quite emotionally repressed. So while he does want some semblance of love or affection, he’s never going to be able to be honest with himself. It’ll always come out oddly, with some strange justification as to why he’s acting in a certain way toward you.

More thoughts with mild spoilers for his backstory under the cut

Also, I have no evidence for this, but I feel that because religion seems to be his coping mechanism for his trauma and he’s an extremist, he’d feel that he couldn’t entertain any kind of romantic inclination, because it comes with thoughts of ‘inappropriate and unholy’ things, so he’d always be unusually weird about it. He can never admit he even wants someone because religious guilt, so he uses denial and projection to cope with these feelings of moral anxiety. E.g. ‘I’m pure, but everyone else is having these disgusting thought,’ (meanwhile, those are his own feelings).

I think this would be pretty unconscious for him, though. So he really believes that he’s the only pious one, and no one can really match his standards.

So yes, he does want the kisses and to have someone to love, but he just can’t admit it to himself because that would mean accepting that he is fallible, that he isn’t as pure and above everyone else as he believes.

The teasing would certainly result in his anger. It’s easier to repress those feelings, to come up with another justification for why he’s feelings these things. Easier to say it’s his duty to save you from sacrilege than to admit he’s attracted to you.

So he’s basically a walking contradiction. He’ll never act affectionate, never tell you he loves you or show it in any way, but deep down he will be literally obsessed with you, overly attached and cling to the point of suffocation, desperate for connection with the person he loves but unwilling to ever admit it. At least that’s my current interpretation of his character, taking some creative liberties lol.

TLDR: Rollo is lowkey a possessive man (he can’t lose you, you’re the only good thing he has left) wearing the skin of a tsundere (he doesn’t need you, you need him).

[on-till-morning]

The Final 15 Min: You’re a dark horse Mr Fell

Or: Azirawhy?

I’ve spent the better part of this weekend in bed with my cat, drinking cocoa, rewatching scenes from GO and reading and writing thousands of words of s2 meta, so first of all, thank you again Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaimon and this incredible fandom - you’re all geniuses and as a result I am literally living the dream. Secondly, after writing and rewriting my own extremely long meta a dozen times I’ve decided instead to link to the other metas that have essentially already said everything I wanted to say and condense my comments beneath them. I’ve also added my theories for season 3 based on my analysis of s2. However, despite my best intentions and having just using the word ‘condensed’ this turned out to be pretty long anyway, so you can find all this and more under the jump below.

My favorite possible explanations for the ending:

1) Aziraphale is lying to protect Crowley

I first found this theory here and here

And then it’s brilliantly explained with great attention to detail here. This piece includes SO many details that I had missed from the convo, referencing back to scenes from s1 as well as 2. Hats off and round of applause to this author. Just, wow.

I love this theory so much and a part of me wants it desperately to be canon - it explains away all of Azirphale’s foot-in-mouth shortcomings and cringey to downright horrifying wtf moments from the final scene, but after watching the final scenes 26495362893 times I’m landing more on the side that:

2) Az is being expertly manipulated by Metatron, and these shortcomings are all of his character flaws coming up and out in one horrible regurgitatation.

Extremely detailed and thorough multi piece meta going into exactly how Metatron is manipulating him and why it works here.

Briefer but also clear and thorough single post essay here.

3) Or some combination of the two.

Again, having watched this countless times I just do not buy that every single think Az says in the final scene is part of a master plan to deliberately break up with Crowley, but I do think

He’s as scared as he’s relieved/excited

And I don’t know if he’s actually relieved/excited but he’s definitely confused, surprised and increasingly panicked when Crowley insults him, turns down the offer and leaves, which is part of why I don’t think it’s entirely option #1

He is trying to stop the love confession or at least delay it for another time when Metatron is not standing right outside the door (hold that thought!)

And finally there are some lines that just don’t make sense, even from the angel who we’ve heard spout all kinds of nonsense about how “I am good and you are, unfortunately, evil.” Yes, I might buy that he might still think heaven is ultimately good and “the side of light” that’s just been run very poorly by “bad angels” who aren’t as good as Aziraphale at knowing what god really wants in the situation (as he tells himself in the Job episode). But “I’ll run it and you can be my second in command.”???? A blank stare at “if heaven ends life on earth it’ll be just as dead as if he’ll ended it”??? However, this brings me too…

The character arc we didn’t see

I love this post about expectations as a fandom and what we’re actually shown versus what we as ravenous shippers want and expect to see and couldn’t agree more.

What were we actually shown about Aziraphale and where he’s at with his repression and denial? Right in episode 1 Jim says “You know what it’s like when you don’t know anything at all and yet you’re totally certain that everything would be better if you were near one particular person?” and Aziraphale panics, jumps upright and begins backing away frantically while saying “NO. I have no idea what that feels like. What makes you say that?”

We haven’t seen Aziraphale have his come to Jesus moment yet (pun intended) in season 2. While we get to see Crowley hit over the head with the ‘holy shit this is romantic love’ anvil, Aziraphale has a different realization coming and we’ve already been told what it will be.

It’s not “they look at each other and realize they were made for each other.”

It’s “they realize they had misunderstood each other.”

I think in many ways Aziraphale is already unconsciously acting like they are a couple, possibly more so than Crowley, but we don’t see him acknowledge his feelings out loud. We see his evolution through the 3 mini episodes to go from everything is black and white to life and Crowley and even himself are made up of shades of gray, but apparently that wasn’t enough to finally seal the deal for his ultimate “realize they had misunderstood each other” moment, otherwise the season wouldn’t have ended the way it did. Despite how far he’s come he hasn’t fully yet come to terms with his deeply rooted belief that demons=bad or mostly bad and angels=good or at least better than demons. I think that those beliefs showed their face in the worst possible way during that final argument, and that’s part of why Crowley was such a hard no to the whole situation. It’s not just a no to going back to heaven as an angel, it’s also ‘I can’t believe you still think that way about me.’

I don’t, however, think Metatron knew things would go that deep. I don’t think he knows either of them very well at all, but he knows Crowley would never go back to being an angel and he felt confident enough to manipulate Aziraphale (once on his own) into proposing just that and then he pushed them together before Aziraphale could process anything and stood back and let the explosion happen.

There are a couple very well written posts already out there about how the problem is not so much miscommunication as it is fundamentally not agreeing, how deep down Aziraphale doesn’t like that Crowley is a demon and still thinks of him as the angel he was, and how Crowley twisted the knife in Aziraphale’s insecurities that I think all add up to spell out this story really well. To this I’ll add, I think they both condescend and in ways look down on each other. While still being very much in love. I want to keep this short so I’ll try to stick to one example: in the Job episode Crowley said “you’re an angel, you can’t be tempted” while obviously tempting him (“you’re an angel, I don’t think you can do the wrong thing”) which is gentle but also mocking, because Crowley is literally tempting him in that moment. Then there’s times when he’s less gentle (“how could someone so clever be so stupid?”). From Aziraphale we have endless examples of his “holier than thou” attitude. Yes I think some of it is part of their coded-spy-talk but when you say and behave a certain way for years let alone eons even if some part of you knows you’re joking it becomes real.

To sum up - in season 2 we got our realization that they were made for each other from Crowley for sure and maybe from Aziraphale - I mean, those were a LOT of heart eyes in the bookshop before Metatron arrived and the whole grabbing his arm thing when B talks about finding something better than choosing sides. But the realizing they’ve misunderstood each other is what we’ve been set up for in season 3 and I think the misunderstanding is on both sides.

Final thoughts:

The coffee or death metaphor as literal - YES. Both in the first time we see it where Michael is threatening death and Metatron arrives to offer coffee, and secondly when Aziraphale asks “where would I get my coffee” (I.e. not die) and Metatron answers by not answering and saying instead (summarized) “we know you’ve partnered with Crowley, come to heaven and he can be an angel again and you can work together - that’s where you’ll get your “coffee” (as opposed to the (false) other option which is death).

I don’t feel like enough’s been said about the final scene with Metatron in the elevator. His whole body sighs as if in relief and he gives Aziraphale A Look.

This whole body sigh sigh says to me “thank fuck I finally got this gd angel in the gd elevator” and the final look over at him seems to have a taste of “what trouble is this idiot going to cause me next?”

Oh Metatron, you have no idea 😈. Because Aziraphale is definitely planning something, from the second he heard the phrase “second coming.” We already know he would stop Armageddon alone if he has too.

Because it’s all about protecting for Aziraphale. Did anyone else think it was odd that Aziraphale, who was soooo keen and literally bouncing up and down with joy at having The Mystery of Jim/Gabriel to solve, suddenly switched to dropping the mystery entirely and it never comes up again? Then on one of my many rewatches I realized Aziraphale was 100% in detective mode until Shax casually mentions that Crowley is risking destruction for him, which is the first Aziraphale has heard of Crowley being in trouble. Michael Sheen gives us the eyebrow raise of infamy and seems pretty cool, calm and collected about it but Aziraphale then lies to Crowley about anything strange happening and goes on to then frantically plan the greatest shopkeepers and trade association monthly meeting of all time and never questions Gabriel about who else he was at the bar with and never mentions The New Clue again. He drops solving the mystery entirely and throws himself into the ball. Because he wants to dance with Crowley?!?!! 😍🥹🥰 Maybe. But if Nina and Maggie get together then heavens suspicions are allayed, and Aziraphale has just learned that Crowey’s entire existence is in danger. He can’t protect him from hell but he can try to get Maggie and Nina together and protect him from heaven. That doesn’t happen but what happens instead? THE Voice of god herself, the top of the bureaucracy, shows up and offers Aziraphale the very protection for Crowley that he just tried to Jane Austin into existence?! Regardless of whether he fully believed Metatron, partially believed, or is 100% playing him for a sucker, he believes going along with Metatron will protect Crowley as well as “make a difference.” Which one is the main goal and which the happy side effect? Is there a difference? Does Aziraphale have any conscious awareness over what he’s doing? I have no explanation for the bitter “I forgive you” and have not yet read a theory that resonates.

[bittertomato]

A lil late but happy new year!

Characters under the cut, plus some fun facts

Tomato's faves for each month of 2023

January: Diana Cavendish (Little With Academia)

February: Diana Cavendish (Little Witch Academia)

March: True Rider — Hippolyta (Fate/Strange Fake)

April: Psyche Callista (Your Throne)

May: Misaka Mikoto (A Certain Scientific Railgun)

June: Misaka Mikoto (A Certain Scientific Railgun)

July: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

August: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

September: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

October: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

November: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

December: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

Brainrot of the Year 2023: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

Hall of Fame (aka brainrots of years past)

2023: Morgan (Fate/Grand Order)

2022: Tsuruhime Yachiyo (Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight: ReLive)

2021: Tsuruhime Yachiyo and Yumeoji Shiori (Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight: ReLive)

2020: Yumeoji Shiori (Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight: ReLive)

2019: Tendou Maya (Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight: ReLive)

2017 & 2018: Diana Cavendish (Little Witch Academia)

2016: Carmilla Karnstein (Carmilla the Webseries), Elsa (Frozen), Tohsaka Rin (Fate/stay night), and Misaka Mikoto (A Certain Scientific Railgun)

2015: Carmilla Karnstein + Laura Hollis aka Hollstein (Carmilla the Webseries) aka my gay awakening

2014: Elsa (Frozen)

2012 & 2013: Higurashi Kagome (Inuyasha), Kuchiki Rukia (Bleach), Mouri Ran (Detective Conan), and Chiba Mamoru (Sailor Moon)

2011: Chiba Mamoru (Sailor Moon)

2009 & 2010: Kuchiki Rukia (Bleach)

Pre-2009: Who knows? My memory sure doesn't!

And I promised fun facts, so...

The early days...

The reason I can date my first fave to Rukia in 2009 is because that was when I made a Fanfiction.net account and posted my first fanfic. Don't read it I was young and foolish.

Bleach, Inuyasha, and Sailor Moon were my first animes. The first two I definitely watched on Adult Swim back when I still watched cable.

I used to be pretty skilled at self defense and even have a first degree black belt. One of the reasons why Ran from Detective Conan really left an impression on me.

There's a few unnamed faves that I also had from more obscure anime that were from so long ago that I can't pinpoint the exact years. A special shoutout to Asuka from Ask Dr. Rin! This show is in no way affiliated with Tohsaka Rin lol.

And yes, I do have male faves besides Mamoru! I love Hak and his constipated repressed feelings for Yona (Akatsuki no Yona) and my in-game name in FGO is inspired by Kurogane (Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles). And for whatever reason, Fred is my favorite from Scooby Doo.

Honestly, I have to give Elsa some credit. I think she started the trend of my faves being "blonde/light haired "regal" rich/well off BAMF ladies who seem cold and distant on the surface but are actually dorks over-burdened and forced to grow up too fast, with a dash (or a ton) of family angst dumped on them." I mean, do you see any of my past faves being blonde? xD

The college days...

I was in denial about being queer and swore I was straight until I somehow found Carmilla the Webseries (I don't even know how) during the summer of 2015 and had a multi-step process of acceptance that went something like "Oh the actress for Laura Hollis is hot. Oh the actress for Carmilla is cute, pretty, and a huge dork. Oh everyone is pretty attractive. Wait mostly just the girls. Wait is that why I don't give a shit about men?"

Little Witch Academia is not only the first series where I published fanfic on AO3, but it's also the series that got me to write AND finish longer stories. So congrats, Diana! I really wanted to angst you :D It's also the fandom where I found my closer Discord friends. Love y'all, mwah.

I think Revue Starlight might be the series that squeezed the most faves out of me. It holds a special place in my heart for numerous reasons, but the main one might be the collab fic I worked on with Quill, who is now my partner 😊So thanks, ReLive even if your gacha game is somehow even worse than FGO.

That said, the series I seem to always go back to seem to be the To aru and Fate franchises. Maybe it's because they're still ongoing.

Those two are also the reason I started messaging Quill back in the day, so they hold an extra special place in my heart. Even with all their flaws.

And then Lostbelt 6 hit FGO and blew everything out of the water. I rave about Morgan a lot but that chapter of the game truly had a stellar cast. Nasu wanted us to remember that he can cook lol.

Where is my Lostbelt 6 anime, Aniplex?

[alargehunkofdebris]

A Theory: Aziraphale in the Fandom of Love

So here’s my newest out-there theory on my absolute favourite character to analyze, Aziraphale, whomst I relate to on so many levels, good and bad. And that theory is, to Aziraphale, the concept of love is what Good Omens is to us.

Here me out. It’s a bit out-there, but I have my reasonings. 

So, in the scene where Beelzebub and Gabriel take hands, we all zoomeyesed on that arm touch that Aziraphale gave Crowley. And then, afterwards, that absolutely melting look he also gives Crowley. And I, like everyone else, immediately thought yep, that is The Look. The “let’s be them” look. The “I’m ready for what they have” look. The “Yep, I am nowhere near in denial any longer, the moment everyone’s out of here it’s confessing time” look.

And yet…and yet…

In The Scene that follows, it’s almost as though Aziraphale is absolutely, one hundred percent, in-one-ear-out-the-other not getting it. Even when Crowley is literally saying, verbatim, the words a person says when they’re proposing marriage (he doesn’t get the whole sentence out, but my God, Aziraphale gets licences for fun, I’d bet money he’s an ordained minister, along with having likely read every romance novel in existence.) Aziraphale is either just not listening…or he’s still completely, utterly oblivious to the direction Crowley is heading.

And then, when the kiss happens, it seems like that, too, is absolutely a shock to him. I’ve written a whole analysis on what he feels here already, but this is a slightly different theory. This is the “Aziraphale is absolutely clueless” theory. In this theory, Aziraphale did not know, at all, that Crowley was feeling like this towards him, and didn’t even consider it an option. It might be repressed, subconscious, whatever, but here, we’re arguing that consciously, Aziraphale is blind, totally, to the possibility of a relationship with Crowley, and that kiss came from absolutely nowhere.

This is somewhat of a stretch, I know. But in this theory, Aziraphale has just never considered himself as a being who can be in a relationship—or, perhaps, that Crowley would ever want a relationship with him—and so his mind simply never goes there. When Shax mentions he and Crowley as an item, he hears it as “Ah yes, an item, as in friends!” He’s so used to this idea that he and Crowley are partners in the business sense, and so used to repressing any inkling of something further, he just does not compute when someone mentions anything else. His brain autocorrects any innuendo to “friends! :D” because for 6000 years, being friends was scandalous enough.

So then, what about the arm touch? What about that happy look he gives Crowley? What about the joy at the ball? What the heck was all that?

Because—and this is a really funny thought to me—I’m mooting (heh) that Aziraphale, in his repressed, I’m-a-being-of-love-but-only-from-the-sidelines way, is simply a fan of love.

Actually, let me go further. He and Crowley, in his mind, are both the biggest members of the Love Fandom. They watch, as fans might watch a TV show, as love happens to other people.

That’s what the whole ball was. That’s what the whole Nina and Maggie thing was. Aziraphale was so happy because he and his best friend were actively engaging in their favourite fandom. They’d been doing it for eons – ever since Adam and Eve.

So when Gabriel and Beelzebub held hands, Aziraphale grabbed Crowley’s arm, not in a omg it could be us way, but in a omg I can’t believe this rarepair is actually canon way. When he gazed with adoration at Crowley, his dumb brain is simply thrilled that his friend is as obsessed with this moment as he is. Because in his mind, he’s the bigger fan (being of love, remember?) and Crowley is the person he’d dragged along with much protest. Who hasn’t felt that thrill when a friend, who’d sworn up and down they wouldn’t like it, actually ended up loving the show or game or movie you recommended?

This theory might not work with other scenes, I don’t know. But the more I think about it, the more I can see it actually being a possibility. And it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings for Crowley—he’s just so unaware of them that he attributes every single one as just “ah yes, the normal feelings one would feel when consuming their favourite content.” It’s the “I love this show/movie/whatever deeply, but only because it’s the one me and my beloved watch together” effect. It’s made even more complicated, of course, because he’d attribute any huge bursts of love he feels for Crowley in these moments as love by proxy from the people they’re watching.

That’s the meta in this meta. Aziraphale, bless his idiotic, misguided heart, is also watching Good Omens. He’s also shipping his favourite characters, and being stunned when the most unexpected couple becomes canon. He’s excitedly throwing a Love Con (the ball) and writing fanfiction (“today me and Crowley met these two friends and they loved each other, but one died in the others arms and it was terribly sad…”) and drawing fanart (sure, he had a reason for drawing Gabriel, but he knows how to use a phone and drive a car – he’d know how to use a camera. This is of course before he knew Gabriel and Beelzebub was a thing, but man it’s a funny thought.)

Yes, I’m going a bit far, but the main point is sound; Aziraphale has always loved human love, and he loves that Crowley does too. He’s just never realized that the love he feels for his favourite show is 98% due to the person he’s watching it with, and that the love he loves is not – as he’s always assumed – out of his reach, beyond that proverbial screen. He’s allowed to have a story of his own.

[dangermousie]

Farscape rewatch - Eat Me, 2x06

Eat Me, despite being the closest Farscape came to sheer horror, is not as nihilistic as DD. It does freak me out the most though. When Pilot of that ship screams “they are eating me” - god. That whole ep is one I like to watch with the lights on. I love that when John thinks D’Argo and Chiana are dead, he goes all out mad, blusteringly and loudly and definitely so. He doesn’t get scared in general (unless it’s few very specific things) he gets angry.

And the thing is, in his last fight with Kaarvoc, he was not fighting for survival - he did not know Chi and D’Argo were alive and found what they needed; what he was fighting for was dying his own way (during the ship exploding as it tries to starburst) and the way that the horrific world he’s been thrust in has taught him that even dying your own way, the way you choose, is a triumph (in s2 he could not manage even that) is - so bleak and so on brand. He will fight even beyond hopelessness, even if he knows he will die, to go out on his own terms.

Of course, this ep starts the heart-breaking ‘Two Johns’ arc and really addresses the issue of what makes one’s self. Because the two Johns are not an original and clone. They are two equals, two Crichtons. Identical (as the scene with rock paper scissors shows). And there is no easy out.

There is no such comfort for the crew as to think that the other was a copy because they themselves feel like ‘me.’ Not when they see the evidence. Chi is good at repressing though. Her terrified denial gets me here (and D’Argo’s wondering that even if one is a clone, how does he know he, the surviving D is not a copy?) This really IS a season of death.

The scenes with the mad people eating the Leviathan (and OMG, John shooting at them, YES), and perpetually cutting off Pilot’s arms to eat and waiting till regeneration and cutting them off again? Horrifying beyond measure.

And John, so angry, so mad, so trying to figure it all out that any desire for help is swallowed by the horror, to wait for later time. Every time he thinks he’s plumbed the horrors of the Universe and there is no further bottom, something comes to prove him wrong. And it strikes me so hard in this episode how far kindness and gentleness has been burned out of him. Look at this scene, look at him demanding and snarling at the poor defenseless Pilot of this ship who’s a torture victim who’s begged for death and has his arms eaten over and over again. Because any compassion is blocked by horror which is blocked by drive and anger and desire to survive. He paused for a moment of horror when he found out, and it’s clear he feels loathing for the monsters who perpetrate it, but none of it gets in the way of his drive and this John is much more efficient and effective and terrifying than the one at the start of s1, but his humanity is so much more tattered and his kindness is basically gone. This is a hell of a dark character arc.

And Kaarvoc, probably the scariest villain ever because he is completely mad and completely insane and seriously, the world that he has created is horror without end.

I love Jool as the comic relief, of course. No one cares if she dies, though they do protect her, and as the audience member, my main interest in her are the wacky things happen to her, a sort of relief that this time it’s something comically bad, not gut-rippingly awful happening to a character you love. And that sums up how dark the show can get - the comic relief is bad stuff happening to a character you don’t like instead of the ones you do.