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their relationship devastates me.
Tom and Shiv ā¢ Succession 2.10 ā 3.09
#these gifs remind me of that one tomgreg fic#where greg's having this dark night of the soul about how he's 'not a good person'#and tom tries to comfort him by saying#'there are no good people#gregory'#you are surrounded by shitty people all the time#you just finally decided to drop the 'oh look at my bambi eyes#and face the inevitable'#and it just makes me think#about how tom and shiv behave horribly to each other#and to their subordinates#and i still desperately want better for them#for shiv to start as a political consultant again#and support the next jimenez with nate#and for tom to get out of this marriage#and find happiness with greg or honestly just about anyone else#and work just about anywhere else#and i know none of this will happen#and that they'll probably stay married#but sometimes i just really need to believe#that people in horrible marriages#who are horrible for and to each other#can write a new script;#they can't turn the clock around#but they can make different choices#chose different contexts#find new and more meaningful connections#because i just can't believe it's all one horrible#intergenerational cycle#i just can't see the world that way
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avenging spider-man #13
#good bedside manner: check your buddy is okay after you impaled him with a katana.#spideypool#not me. feral spideypooler. thinking it is so nice that peter asks wade if he's okay.#he has a healing factor. most people wouldn't ask if he's okay. but peter asks. and that's nice.#sci talks comics#i just really like these issues. i love how quick the flip is between wade having been hired to work against spider-man#to them just working together. and they're both so groovy about it.#like i don't know i really like that dynamic.#that peter doesn't see wade as a real actual threat to him at any time.#knows in his Core that wade actually never means him harm. i like to see that strange weird trust between them.#you never see that anywhere else.#just i REALLY like their dynamic HERE !!#yes i AM reading way too much into it !! but shut up!1 i based my entire personality on these two issues of avenging spider-man!!
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Idk why twitter keeps throwing random tweets at me of someone talking shit about me behind my back but this time it's about how wrong it is to make Jon a top. So from now on, I will make Jon EVEN MORE OF A TOP. A DOM EVEN.
#and of course sexualize Martin even more#I want to delete twitter so bad but I dont know anywhere else that is porn-lenient#acedoms are so underutilized and this is a crime#because ace make great doms actually#twitter really be like: hey psst this random white kid is talking shit about you#granted they were using @/myusrname which people stupidly think means it's completely invisible to the person in question#god just fucking block me do I have to do all the work myself??
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tw disordered eating (not in explicit detail)
Whenever i write Yusuke and his relationship w the thieves, i try to emphasize that Yusuke was in a really really Really bad space not only mentally (like the others) but physically; hes bone-stick thin and you can feel his ribs jutting out if you go for a hug. Hes a bit gaunt in the face and hes got next to no muscle mass. He tires easily and hes kind of a shit fighter bc of it. The metaverse fills in the gaps a little bit, but his body is still very frail and unprepared to transition to an active lifestyle after years of surviving off of such a bare bones calorie diet. For my Akira, it is the driving force behind wanting to takedown Madarame; hes a sucker for a pretty face but hes also unable to look away from someone actively wasting away because of the actions of their guardian.
If any of them try to mention Yusukes physical state or diet, he often deflects, angrily, reminding them that he is abnormally tall, and that that obviously contributes to his thin (frail) stature. Its very hard to get him to eat while theyre in saferooms, and he often lags behind while exploring the museum. He cant stay in combat for too long, and at some point, Akira debates if he should even allow Yusuke to stay on the team; if he passed out or Worse under Akiras watch, hed never forgive himself.
BUT. As the thieves gain his trust, Yusukes a bit more willing to indulge them. He learns quickly that they arent pitying him like he initially assumed (he is far too aware of how much he feels like hes neglected his own body; and how others can easily see that neglect). They routinely eat and hang together bc thats just how they bond, and theyre just trying to invite him into their circle properly. Akira has zero experience w this kind of thing, but Ryuji and Ann are athletes and models respectively; theyre both in fields that encourage that kind of self destructive behavior, and they have some kind of insight into how to avoid falling for those same traps, and helping people who Do end up in those scenarios.
(Anns parents, despite their absence, do their best to prepare her for how cutthroat the modeling world is; to keep her from developing the kind of habits and mindsets that let young men and women destroy themselves. ESPECIALLY bc my Ann is a plus sized model. And Ryuji, as a promising track star, would know how bad it can get for professional athletes, the lengths at which theyd go to maintain their positions and ability to compete. Hes a gym rat who loves food and nutrition and knows what he needs to keep himself fit, and thats all he really needs)
They cant feed Yusuke the way they WANT to bc hes already so thin, so they just let him take from their plates to sample things and let him feel included. He starts taking up Ryujis offers to go get meals together, even is Ryuji ends up taking almost an entire extra serving home as takeout. He lets Ann drag him away to the crepe shop and her other little snack havens, even if he only leaves w a small chocolate of sorts to take home. He lets Akira make coffee and curry for them to split when he comes to Leblanc. And maybe he lets Sojiro cook a full plate for him to take back home to eat at his leisure and away from prying eyes. Yusuke goes from bitter to extraordinarily fond rather quick, and he finds himself angry that this is yet another thing Madarame has stolen from him.
By Futabas palace, hes filled out enough that Akira doesnt immediately panic when Yusuke gets tossed onto the floor by some brute of a shadow, worried that hed shattered every goddamn bone in his body on impact. He doesnt have any real muscle by any means but his face has the faintest bit of cheek fat that Ann is able to pinch w her evil little hands, and when he looks in the mirror, the ribs peek out but they dont jut out. His breathing is better, his skin is just Pale and not Ghostly white, hes got a healthy flush when he laughs at Akiras stupid puns, and he finds himself allocating a bit more of his budget towards stocking his fridge. Sometimes, Akira can even convince him to people-watch out in the sun instead of in the subway tunnels.
At some point, Yusuke becomes very vocal about things he wants, but importantly, about Food he wants. He will eagerly allow his friends to treat him if they ask, and he picks whatever sounds nice to his ears or whatever Ann and Ryuji recommend him. Part of it is due to him feeling safe enough to ask for such things; the thieves kinda laugh about his eccentricity and forwardness, but Akira, Ann and Ryuji know how different and comfortable this Yusuke is compared to the one they met. Its silly but its good; he gets to act like this bc the thieves let him be forward- they let him voice his wants and needs without a fight.
By post game, hes got the barest hint of a tummy pouch, and Ann will attack it relentless with a firm poke whenever hes foolish enough to stretch and lift his shirt to expose it. She thinks its cute š Shes really happy to see it, bc she thinks of Yusuke all skin and bones and angry and scared like a feral dog barking mad, lashing out at any help they offered and working himself sick (figuratively and literally) trying to help make things right. It makes her so sad recalling it, so she likes to remind herself that hes okay now, even if hes a little embarrassed by it. She knows Akira and Ryuji do the same, inviting Yusuke to hang and just see him w their Own eyes that hes better, and that they did the right thing by insisting he join their little ragtag group.
#persona 5#yusuke#long post#i loooooove him#inspired by vines post about characters gaining weight as they get older#its not EXACTLY the same but it reminded me that ive wanted to make a post about this for ages#yusuke and his frail lil hollow bird bonesā¦.#for perspective; i hc him as 6ā4 to 6ā6 (cant settle on one quite yet#or 193 to 198cm (assuming i converted it right)#so hes Very tall and extremely skinny. like Akira is 6ā0 and even hes like bbygirl u are going to fly away in the wind#i think Yusuke will always be a little thin; as he gets older; his metabolism works as intended#but it just burns everything lighting fast.#the tummy pudge stays forever tho; fat does not stick anywhere else on his body but that little pudge and hes indifferent about it#no one can tell anyway since he wears these long and loose dress shirts#and he doesnt work out at ALL unlike the rest of the thieves (sans futaba)#so hell never really get any kind of muscle definition or even get closed to being toned#but thats better for him; he has better things to do than fret over his appearance#he has ART to make and friends to dine with
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so california tiktok has created an echochamber with a bunch of californians saying āi just realized i have a california accent because i donāt say the T in words like mountainā and itās been pissing me off because no one says the T in mountain but people in california like to pretend theyāre special
#idk about anywhere else but all american accents say mounān because pronouncing a hard T is just extra work#anyways sorry i just had to make this post because itās been driving me crazy#āomg i just realized i donāt say the T in costco š¤Æā do you think everyone else does?????
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HI I think I sent an ask a while back about having recently found TaTA and a) if it came off as trying to rush/guilt you. I am so sorry because that was NOT my intent, and b) I can hugely guarantee you have at least one person who will eat up any return, no matter when it happens, because I care about the guys so much š„ŗ really looking forward to whatever comes next!!
Oh, I appreciate this a lot thank you!
Tbh it's a stress I would have regardless of anyone asking me about it, I'm probably the biggest one rushing and guilting myself on it. Which might contribute to some of the burnout I had...
My complaints are more about people who are demanding "more content daddy" or asking me if I'm dead or asking on every single post I make where it is... Wondering when it's coming back is completely reasonable, it's been a long time! but there's definitely a line haha
my editor also keeps randomly scheduling me and then saying "oh, btw you're scheduled to return in 3 weeks. Is that alright?" And I have to keep saying no, that's not alright??? And then dealing with that process...
I could write an essay about all the reasons it's not back yet, but that doesn't help me feel any less pressured, and it doesn't help you all get the rest of the comic any faster...
As of right now I'm scheduled to and trying to return october 21. No official announcement yet cause I have to do a lot of work in that time, but it's my official goal at least. When we get closer I'll be able to say for sure whether it's coming back on that date!
#basically the main reasons its not back are:#1) webtoon bullshit#2) sad about it ending#3) chronic illness and mental health#4) other projects I never had time for while it was going (books next comic prep pitches etc)#5) writing the rest took a long time#6) thumbnailing the rest (so i know it fits in the episodes I have! is taking a long time#7) finishing 4 months worth of episodes... is taking a long time...#its just too much#i could have rushed and made something okay#but I would way rather pause and make something amazing#and im telling you. holy shit it's so good#like it is so so so good its going to be worth the wait...#i hope. HAHAHAAHHA#but seriously im sorry i dont want you to feel bad for being excited about my work and wanting more of it#felixitous#asks#its hard to complain about the people crossing the line without accidentally lumping in people who are being reasonable#sorry about that#youre good#and honestly everyone on tumblr has been good so#its not you guys#this is why I've been posting way more here than anywhere else auaudjjdjjeje#feels way safer yallre way nicer to me
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Man I really wish I didnt feel bad abt sharing Leo lore outside of tumblr. It is what it is
#id love to feel okay talking abt him in servers or when chatting w others but i have the like#well hes not the commander so he'll be considered inherently less interesting to others and also he isnt Cool Enough in general#tumblr is fine bc im really just talking to myself and people fan choose to interact so i dont feel bad abt it#but I cannot imagine trying to talk about him literally anywhere else bc im like well nobody wants to listen to That#but its okay Like I dont need to its genuinely fine it can just be a little wacky when im sitting there like oh#im sure am the only one who hasnt participated in the talk abt their own oc....#I made an off hand comment about Shipping rytlock and leo in vc and nearly walked into the ocean#things to work on......#Me: Okay even tho it was a short sentence that was way too much information abt ur canon time to never say anything ever again
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I wish mental health services were more easily accessible and certain mental illnesses weren't still demonized in the field
#still pursuing a bpd diagnosis#but a lot of the specialists im seeing online are all like#have you been victimized abused or manipulated by someone with bpd?#and im like :(#ough im not ready to have ANOTHER heavily stigmatized mental illness#but despite that i still do hope i get diagnosed#i think it would explain a lot#and really help me work through my issues#before it gets to that tipping point#it already has come close multiple times just this year alone#i just... idk#i want to be better i want to get better#i dont want to hurt people anymore. i dont want to hurt myself anymore#it sucjs it really does#sorry for vent posting again#i just dont have anywhere else to go#and i dont feel comfortable talking to people about this stuff usually#everyone tells me i can talk to them but.. idk. its hard to do that. so many things can go wrong. i dont like talking about myself#i like for people to have a certain image of me. prefer people not to worry themselves over me#it brings bad feelings and associations sometimes#which if i have bpd can be thhe cause of that i suppose. just makes me feel insecure? ig? guilty? makes me feel like a bad person#when people try to get me to take care of myself. even if its a good thing#idk im just rambling#nobody take this in a bad way or feel discouraged in fact dont pay any mind to this#im just spitballing#will probably delete later#monnie rambles
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I drew this explanation post for why I was completely inactive for a week, but then felt too anxious and drained to post it, and subsequently disappeared for a second week
Two main blog drawings and one side blog wip later, I remembered I made this and still think it's funny, so even though I stopped being dead (TM) I still wanted to share lol
Brief series of events at work
^^^old, but I'm still taking it easy so posts on both this blog and my alt will continue to be scattered for now
#so for those of you that don't know; i have moderate combined scoliosis#my entire back is always at least a little strained so i have to really watch my physical activity#but i live in Tennessee where we have the lowest federally allowed minimum wage#so in order to pay for college i have to work in a package distribution company because it's the only place that pays well/has a scholarshi#I'm in the small package dept thankfully (bc spine)#but for the last three months one specific manager kept sending me out to a different area with the heaviest packages in the building#when i first disappeared it was because i was having trouble walking and using stairs lmao#I complained to that manager and it seems I'll be in smalls again for the foreseeable future; so I've had time to recover and am better :D#every day i didn't post after that was due to anxiety and a low social battery BUT I'm getting slightly better on that front too#i have been *very* aware of my spine lately though#the last time I got an xray was ten years ago and i wonder if it's changed since then... not that i can afford a new xray lol#also can i just take a space to complain about the US not using the metric system#so many packages have kilograms ONLY and i have NO frame of reference for that since we don't use kilograms anywhere else#''ooh wow 70 is a big number but surely it can't be that baD- HOLY SHIT THAT'S 154 POUNDS'' <- me all the time#at this point I myself will just switch to metric and make life harder for both myself and life around me out of principle
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i wish finding people was easier
#never learned how. even when i was mandated to share a building with 400 of them i struggled making connections#idk what to do now. all i do is go to work or stay home. i really dont have anywhere else to go. at least not without spending money#and even if i DID have somewhere to go i dont want 10 million questions about 'where are you going? why do need the car? what if i need it?#my grandmother is SUFFOCATING to be around. she still pulls this shit with my mom too and shes in her 40s#im just. lonely. i feel bad saying i want friends cause i DO have friends. just. not in person#hell i like to have a partner adn ive NEVER had that as a priority before. but i dont know how to get there#and if i did have a partner; or friends; its not like i could take them home. im just stuck.#im struggling for independence and i have no way out
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I don't think Nifty is in a contract with Alastor. I think she just likes him.
#thats it. thats the post#i am not going to. bother gathering evidence for this#its 4am#mostly people have just kinda assumed since he summoned her to work in the hotel#but theres never been anything explicitly said about it#unless there was in the pilot and i dont remember#or anywhere else in the series and i dont remember#hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#hazbin niffty#alastor#niffty#hazbin hotel theory#hazbin hotel thoughts
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i keep feeling guilty about the like. state-sponsored employment counseling/resources i'm getting. (i basically have a case manager for job-hunting or continuing education, a work-health counselor to help me balance my disability/health needs with whatever work i end up doing, and uhhhh maybe a couple others i forgot.) but then i remember of the 10 years i've been out of school i've actually been full-time permanently employed for roughly 3 of them, and fully unemployed for about 3 of them as well. and i'm like oh yeah okay. i do actually need extra support & assistance.
#keeping it fun and funky fresh#personal#tales of work#matty's mental health#i need a chronic illness tag#(the remaining 4? years (that feels too low tho) i've done various part-time or full-time-but-seasonal work)#tbh when i think about it like this especially if i compare to. pretty much anybody else i know. it is very depressing#(thief of joy i KNOW but. how can you avoid it.)#like. waow. my older sister did the disney college program and then got hired at her current job where she's been for.... 12 years...#my younger sister worked at chipotle for like a year and then got hired at her current job where she's been for idk 5? 6? years?#grayson had to switch to part time for their health but they've been at their job for 7 years.#meanwhile the longest i've held a job is just under 4 years and it's a no-experience-required bottom-rung customer service thing#that i got pretexturally laid off from. and now i can't get rehired Anywhere.
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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol
#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations#with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really#have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a#few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government#Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i#all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue#option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to#do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from#and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random#little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag#or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol#ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched#out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is#One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work#on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol#Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since#they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game#takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding#enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration#of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting#to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol#I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest#of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need#at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically#outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol#ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh#also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh#wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel
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Pen tests....
#i had a bit of a crisis when i realized my signature 01 prismacolor finepoint In Blue is. on its last legs it seems.#that alone wouldn't be so bad IF THEY WEREN'T IMPOSSIBLE??? TO FIND????? LIKE ANYWHERE?????? GOT SO SCARED AND UPSET ABOUT IT#i went on a whole ass journey about it. my sister came in clutch to save me. also gave me a few dif options to try!#and the smallest prisma in blue i could find was 03. insane. is this my fault somehow. did i use up the last ones on earth.....#LIKE. cannot stress enough how much Blue Ink is important to me. i have never been able to make solid black ink Work in my art.#LIKE... only exceptions being a black and white piece. but as soon as i add color it just does NOT work...#it is. such a specific thing. that combined w the fact that i purposely Have to draw small scale or i get lost in the sauce forever#i really am. the epitome of new type of guy just dropped. guy who only inks in blue and needs to draw as small as humanly possible.#i feel like with time i can get used to the 03s though!!! and i have. multiple of them. all the blue 03s in the world are MINE now š¤#hopefully. this will last me a lifetime.#moe tag#thank you moe for being a very easy model to work with. unlike Somebody Else who has Stupid Hair....#my art
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I hate that there are entire slices of the internet that are no longer accessible because Flash is dead
#my diary#I have like a memory of these animated music videos that were submitted as part of Gorillaz's Search for a Star contest back in 2004#and I've NEVER seen the two specific videos I'm thinking of anywhere else#and I don't remember who made them#so I tried to see if I could find them again via the wayback machine and sure enough the website doesn't work because of flash#ruffle isn't working (I assume it doesn't work w/ archived web pages)#so basically I'm just fucked because the world is fucked#we talk a big game about how burning the library of alexandria was one of the worst things ever#the library of alexandria is on fire in front of you right now you don't fucking care#internet archive lost 500k items today because of copyright#probably the vast majority of my adolescent internet experience is wiped off the face of the earth#it's so fucking devastating I hate it to death
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You know what I don't see people talking about enough? Catherine and Warrick. Yeah, they're good colleagues and friends but at the same time they have this insane chemistry that drives me up a fucking wall every time they share a moment. And they do feel an attraction to each other, as has been shown many times (Catherine being jealous when Warrick got married and wondering what could have been, that scene when she nearly falls and he catches her...). I know they had to follow the rules but god they had such a good relationship and worked so well together. I loved their scenes, including the platonic ones.
#csi#i've been postponing this post so much and now im on s8 finale.... yeah....#still haven't finished the episode. i'm trying to work up the courage#i mean before that first scene where warrick caught cat as she was falling i didnt pay much attention to their relationship#but they worked really well together#and then when i watched that episode it's like my entire worldview changed#SOMETHING SHIFTED#no you don't understand. they're like. really hot on their own#but they're CRAZY hot together#yeah this post was just me trying to express my bisexual feelings for them#but not just that i really did love their friendship and their overall relationship#they were a great match#i knooow it wasn't meant to be#but#i really wish they were#I CANNOT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES HOW GOOD THEY WERE TOGETHER#anyways i'm not sure i can watch catherine learning about warrick's death#i havent watched csi in what over a MONTH because i can't watch warrick die#the scene on the screencap........ god i need them so bad#btw i said i dont see people talking about them because. i really dont#at least not on the tumblr tag nor on ao3#i'm not really in the fandom and i dont go anywhere else for fandom content so#i could be wrong
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