#and while we know bobby loves buck as his son he probably just looks like a random coworker to the rest of the world

[dawntainbobbynash]

Idk who needs to hear this but Amir is not going to burn down Buck’s loft

[thatbuddie]

after buck and eddie get together, eddie starts giving buck absentminded kisses all the time.

kiss on the forehead after he passes him his morning coffee. kiss on the cheek while buck is cooking dinner. kiss on the back of his hand as buck drives them to bobby’s house for a family bbq. kiss on top of his head while they cuddle watching a documentary. kiss on his shoulder while they sit on the station couch reading in between calls.

but buck’s favorite kisses? the ones edde blows him from a distance. when no one is looking during a call and they have to separate, buck doing evac and eddie treating some minor burns. when buck is pulling out of the their driveway to go meet maddie and jee for lunch and eddie sees him off from the front porch. during their family night out at the movies with chris in between them before the action film their son chose and they��re both probably going to hate begins.

every single blown kiss is always followed by eddie mouthing “i love you” at him, and every single time buck feels himself start to blush, the butterflies in his stomach staging a very chaotic and uncoordinated flash mob.

there’s something so exhilarating about knowing that no matter how close or far away they physically are eddie always wants to be kissing him. like eddie knows just as well as buck does that his lips were always meant to graze buck’s skin and leave behind goosebumps for hours to come.

even when they can’t see each other at all, buck knows eddie is thinking about it too because eddie does not go more than 3 hours without sending him little 😘 emojis. he doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t contextualize them because he doesn’t need to. it's just random 😘 throughout the day, scattered in between the rest of their texts.

buck [3:33pm]: got caught in traffic, chris and i will be there soon! eddie [3:33pm]: ok, hen and denny just arrived eddie [6:03pm]: 😘

&

eddie [11:27am]: can you write “chris dentist appointment” on the kitchen calendar for 10/17? buck [11:31am]: done! eddie [11:32am]: thanks, baby eddie [2:16pm]: 😘

&

buck [10:08am]: we also need eggs! buck [11:43am]: remind me to replace the lightbulb in chris’s bedside lamp eddie [1:14pm]: 😘 eddie [3:09pm]: your amazon package just arrived buck [3:09pm]: yaaaaaaay eddie [7:24pm]: 😘

&

eddie [6:02am]: 😘 eddie [8:56am]: 😘 eddie [9:07am]: 😘 eddie [12:31pm]: 😘 buck [3:17pm]: 😘😘😘

[fionaswhvre]

I'm convinced that the 9-1-1 writers never intended to make Buck & Eddie a thing, but they changed their minds very soon.

They probably wrote Eddie Diaz to be this macho guy who was gonna end up dating Buck's sister but instead he turned out to be the gayest character who only had heart eyes for Buck.

In the first episode, Eddie was supposed to be a threat to Buck but instead of two guys fighting to be the Alpha™, their gym confrontation turned out more like "you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid." And with the whole "you can have my back any day", we had Ryan & Oliver making heart eyes at each other and giggling and twirling their hair while saying this.

The writers tried not making them gay by making them call each other "brother", but that happened only two times : 1) Eddie's "you're a badass under pressure, brother" in 2×01 & Buck's "You know it, brother" in 2×10. After that, we never hear them say brother again. Because even that word couldn't tone down their flirtiness with each other.

When Chris was first introduced, he had interactions with the whole firefam, especially with Bobby and Chimney, even more than Buck. But in s3, the writers gave them the tsunami arc, thus sealing their bond of being a family. Since then, we see Chris only interacting with Buck in the 118.

Also when Eddie was shot, he was dating Ana, but we didn't even get to see her reaction or how she is comforting his son. Even the conversation of "what would've happened to Chris if Eddie actually died" took place with Buck, not Ana, who Eddie was literally dating.

When Buck was hit by the lightning there was no reason for the scene where Eddie tells Chim that he'll take over pumping Buck's heart. It is just a one second scene and Buck's heart was gonna start either way since he wasn't gonna be killed off, but still they made Eddie make the switch so that he can be the one to pump his heart back to life.

Bathena, Madney, Henren & DavidMichael all have scenes where one's life is threatened and the other is concerned/breaking down (Athena getting beat up, Bobby caught in a fire, Maddie in a hostage situation, Karen's lab getting blown up & David stuck in a hospital during a fire).

Buck and Eddie never get these scenes with their love interests. They only get it with each other (The shooting, tsunami, Eddie getting stuck underground).

At this point, the writers aren't even being subtle. They constantly put them in romantic tropes and parallel them with other main ships.

Bonus: They gave us Tarlos where one guy is Latino & the other is the son of the captain.

[dadvans]

9-1-1 S8x04 Liveblog Notes

This episode starts and ends with Bobby being underestimated by Gerrard in completely unique ways. Amazing.

Underrated line: "So they took my house from me. Yes, it was humiliating. Well, I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I'm back." I really don't think Gerrard is fully gone. We know there will be more Hotshots + Brad this season. Gerrard is a man who survives out of spite, and there are depths of his hatred we don't even know.

I'm so curious about how Gerrard has, if I remember correctly, said mooks twice. Gerrard/Sal OTP.

As long as we're going to talk about Gerrard, I'm adding this here much, much later: awful, terrible people have good sides to them. This will always be true, especially for powerful people. I've seen a few different interpretations of "Tight End," but I'm going to be real with you all from someone who grew up in male spaces? This is affection. This is Old Guard shit. It is not good. It is the kind of preferential affection that tells you that you're on thin ice but you're special enough or good enough if you work hard, and you've been noticed. Your name will always be your strongest weakness. Someone has their eye on you. You can be called out by the leader something awful, but at least you have a name. (My coach's name for me was "Bruiser.")

Buck is terrible at golf. I feel like there was a lot of spec this episode about his outfit: that's just a golf outfit. Buck strikes me as the kind of guy who knows how to socially fake appearances, and Gerrard isn't calling him on his terrible performance here. NOTABLY: in terms of performance, Oliver Stark can act his way through terrible drives down the line with the addition of SFX and flailing with the net, but I'm still frustrated at how capable he was in the basketball montage in s7 after Buck is supposed to hate/suck at basketball.

Yes, you can be good at a sport and hate it. That's me with golf. That's Buck with basketball.

Someday, if anyone ever wants, I would love to nerd out about how they blocked and choreographed the basketball scene, because it DOES make me a little crazy.

Did they actually play a full 18 after this? And Buck survived?

The apartment Bobby and Athena are looking at is at least $2mil. It actually looks like several listings where I was trying to gauge new build in surrounding neighborhoods when I was writing "An Outlier."

Michael... plans. I find it a little weird that Athena would do it, a lot weird she would do it without Bobby. Bobby and Michael had a good relationship! But then Athena was excited! It's a weird way to navigate how Michael can't physically appear in the show anymore. It almost feels like a regression, because Bobby and Michael were so close. Michael would probably have reached out to Bobby if Athena reached out to him. I miss their made, intentional, yet triumphant family so much (including May and Harry).

I was SO into Chimney pointing out the obvious about the blueprints until he made it about the 118-- although his Gerrard impression was the unsettling kind of impressive.

The tiger would have simply become friends with me and I would have called 9-1-1 while we were chilling on the couch together. But I would have told them it was okay and to never come because I found my best friend forever.

Crazy that they had to use a tranq dart. I simply would have entered the apartment and said hello and the tiger would have recognized me as a friend and we would have left together laughing over shared interests.

I totally think Eddie violated HIPAA contacting an underage patient's parent without his OR his guardian's permission. Eddie also showed said parent photos of his son's injury that Eddie had taken without permission. The mother even clarified that she would not notify the father. For me, the biggest implication here is that Eddie's on-the-job performance (despite being impeccable during the emergency itself) could begin to suffer, or his ability to remain impartial in situations will continue to take hits before it gets better without Christopher.

People are BIG MAD about the above opinion on Reddit. Why are you booing me, I'm right.

I had an HR post script about how Bobby financially runs his department here and how he underhires with overperformers to navigate attrition, but it is lost to time. I guess we will never know how my sexy HR brain works in a situation that it has never been in, but I'm sure I was right, because I always am.

[princessamericachavez]

I think a lot about every time 911 shows us Eddie understanding a little more about Buck in real time... 

(after cut because this got long but bare with me)

Like, the first season should be the most obvious, with the earthquake eps and the next one showing Eddie’s surprise/reaction to Buck’s immediate unconditional support when it comes to Christopher. You can literally see something click for him in Stuck, first when Buck clears Chris spending the day with them with Bobby, then when he introduces Carla to them. 

But then you have new and interesting glimpses at moments when Eddie found another piece of Buck’s puzzle. In Kids Today, for example, we see that Eddie’s approach to Buck’s “sulking” is rather closed off, almost cold, and it’s one of the very first time we hear him mention his father’s toxic masculinity preachings... but when Hen points out that Buck doesn’t have much outside of work, you can literally SEE the second it clicks in for Eddie. Not that Buck doesn’t have anyone, but that he doesn’t know he does. That he doesn’t understand. Which is why he brings Christopher over. Not to teach a lesson, but to show him he’s wrong and he has people who love him regardless.

While the whole lawsuit arc was probably illuminating, for me the real highlight when it comes to Eddie understanding Buck a little bit better is in the famous kitchen scene. Before they get all flirty with the sexual tension... we see Buck ask if maybe Eddie is still angry at him, if maybe Eddie wanted to fight/hurt him, and while Eddie pokes fun of Buck making this about himself, I think it’s a very big moment when he realizes how deep the self-loathing runs, that Buck cannot just accept the fact that he was forgiven, that he still things that Eddie wanted to/would under any circumstances hurt him. So he makes a point to say “I wouldn’t do that”, matter of factly (even if he later has to sidestep it with a joke because this is pre-therapy Eddie after all). 

Which of course later leads to The One That Got Away and Buck’s traumas shining through his relationship with Red and you can see how adamant Eddie is that no, Buck is not being left behind and no he isn’t losing the 118 family, and he’s annoyed when the others aren’t as quick to reassure him. But this is all part of Eddie-understanding-Buck-arc in s3 (remember the post-embolism thing i mentioned above). Which, of course, later becomes a punch in What’s Next? when Abby is back and Eddie sees real time one of the people who’ve filled Buck with abandonment and scars. Buck who, at this point, fyi, Eddie has already chosen as the person he trusts most to look after his son in case he dies.

Anyway, s4 is short but there’s treasures like What’s Your Grievance and Buck Begins, in which Eddie very clearly sees the roots of Buck’s pain and is already quick to validate his feelings and offer him a shoulder and space to vent. This Eddie is far more prepared than his counterpart at the beginning of s3 to see and understand Buck and offer his support openly. Which is what leads to the shooting and, more importantly, Buck once again acting like he’s expendable. And, because Eddie’s had this whole journey so far, he’s at a place where he can see better than the other characters that Buck doesn’t think himself invincible, he thinks himself disposable. But you can see the confusion in his face when Buck says it the first time, the moment —again— when he processes this new and painful information about his best friend. And he, once again, takes action with words of affirmation to show Buck that, again, he’s wrong. 

Now, by s5 Buck and Eddie know each other pretty well so there’s fewer surprises on Eddie’s side (s5, after all, it’s Buck’s turn to go through the journey of truly seeing Eddie’s scars and pain and being there for him) but I think about Home And Away, and how Eddie needs to do a double-take after he jokes that Chimney will not forgive Buck. Because it’s a joke, it’s meant to be, but the hurt in Buck’s eyes is so clear —because, again, he thinks himself easily discarded as soon as he screws up once— that he looks genuinely shocked that he has to clarify the joke in the first place. S5 keeps telling us Eddie already sees Buck, in little things like recognizing how Buck wants to fix things and how he might struggle with lack of control when he can’t help. 

Then s6 doubles down on the idea that Eddie already knows Buck so deeply, “it’s clearly bothering you”, knowing the happiness convention call was hard on him and teaming up with Chim to cheer Buck and Hen, picking up on his changes in habits and the fact that he might be hiding something, not joining the schedule to check on him after the lightning, being the one who offers the right space for Buck to open up... and then there’s the cemetery scene and there’s another DING moment when a new piece falls and Eddie realizes that Buck has changed, how could he not, and he’s now trying to catch up with whatever is wrong or new. And even then, he knows Buck enough to reassure him that he doesn’t need to pretend for anyone else’s sake. 

Anyway, I don’t know where I’m going with this, except for the fact that I love the journey these two have gone through and how we’ve gotten to see on screen (rather than just assume or be told) the moments that have slowly morphed Eddie’s perception of Buck from the cocky kid from day 1 to the rather hurt and vulnerable and open hearted man he truly is. 

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

For make me write!! Thank you so much for all you do write though!

🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮 (Always more Cranberry I can’t explain how excited I am for part 2 and the snippets I have read..gah)

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸 (I think I may have spoke to soon on thinking Eddie is healing…I mean he is right…RIGHT?!!?!! Please tell me he is)

🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮 (Ah the Bobby seeing Buck’s past had me in tears I don’t think Im ready for the opposite of that but oh well I guess I need to be) 🧟🧟🧟🧟(I was hooked by the end of the last chapter. I love apocalyptic AUs. Also the ending broke my heart, but I’m can’t wait to see Maddie and Eddie eventually make it to their library)

🚨🚨(Lots of COVID lockdown stories going around…however they make for such interesting explorations!!!!!!)

Thank you! You are so kind!

30 for 🦮 (YAY THANK YOU!):

---

“Okay,” Chris sniffs.

Buck carries Cranberry back into the house. It’s been just a year since his amputation, and bending and lifting heavy weights on his prosthetic isn’t exactly comfortable. Cranberry isn’t too heavy. Not much more than fifty pounds. But the gait back into the house, to the bedroom, where he rests her on the mattress, is a bit taxing for him. Still, it hurts him less than it would hurt her. 

Twenty minutes later, he’s off the phone with the vet, laying next to Cranberry on the bed, and holding an ice pack to her paw. The vet thinks it’s likely not serious. She’s advised Buck to crate-rest her for a few days, ice the injury, and if the pain gets worse, to bring her in.

“It’s going to be okay,” Buck assures Chris. “She’s just going to be sore for a while. Kind of like when your dad is sore after a tough shift at work.”

Chris leans his head over the bed, and presses his cheek into her fur. 

“I’m sorry, Cranberry,” he cries. “I didn’t mean to do it.”

Buck exhales, feeling a little guilty. He could have reacted a hell of a lot better. He’d just been freaked out. 

“It was an accident, Chris. You were both having fun.”

“Does she hate me now?” Chris asks, noticing how Cranberry isn’t wiggling and happy like she usually is with him. 

“No, Chris, she could never hate you. She’s just not feeling well. Okay?”

“Okay,” Chris mumbles. 

“Why don’t you go get your iPad and we can all watch a movie together? She’d like it if you kept her company.” Buck suggests. 

“Yes please,” Chris says in a little voice. He walks off to get his device.

---

24 for 🩸 (SOMEONE is healing and someone is not, is all I will say):

---

“You know. All are welcome. They’re just looking for experience.”

“Then I think it sounds like a good idea.” Chris decides before taking another bite of ice cream. 

“It would be more dangerous than staying home,” Eddie tells him. “But probably not more dangerous than being a firefighter. There are risks, anyway. Which is why I wanted to run it by you before I make a choice either way.”

Chris considers this.

“Thank you, Dad,” he says quietly.

“You’re welcome,” Eddie replies. “We’re a team, right?”

He hopes that this is still true, after everything. 

“We are,” Christopher agrees. Eddie feels a wash of relief. 

“I think you need to do something where you help people,” Chris says eventually. “It’s who you are, Dad.”

Eddie takes a deep breath. 

“Thank you, buddy.” 

He had no idea how badly he needed to hear to feel, again, that he was living a life that would make his son proud of him. The way he’d been proud of him when he became a firefighter. That life is in his line of sight again, Eddie thinks. Finally.

---

18 for 🔮:

---

“Me?” Buck asks. “I mean… Uh… I think so?”

They pause a few feet away from each other. Buck feels crippled with awkwardness. He doesn’t know what to do from here. 

“I…” Bobby starts. “Did you…”

“I passed out,” Buck says.

Bobby nods. “Me too.”

“Were you…” Buck swallows nervously. “Did you have any weird dreams?”

Bobby’s expression wilts, just a little. So he did, then.

---

12 for 🧟 (ah yay thank you!):

---

Eddie is really banking on Maddie’s brother having settled somewhere safe. Somewhere decent. He is really banking on Maddie being as good of a person as she seemed. He needed her to be.

He’s running out of options, otherwise. 

The thing is, with each passing day, the likelihood of finding Shannon alive is dwindling. He knows that. He’s not stupid. It’s been too many months. But Eddie has failed Shannon so many times. All he has done is fail her. If there is any chance, any sliver of hope, that he can help her now?

---

6 for 🚨 (yeah for some reason I am in my writing about covid era?):

---

Buck gets his shield. They celebrate over cupcakes and two liter bottles of soda. There’s nothing else to be done.

“We will have a proper party when this is over,” Bobby promises. 

Whenever the hell that will be. 

Afterwards, Buck and Eddie pull Bobby into his office to come clear. 

[elgascreamslikehell]

WIP WEDNESDAY

Thanks to @aspecbuddie for tagging!!

I found myself in a strange place where I'm writing buddie fic but they kinda don't have much interaction yet.

It's gonna change and omg i know it's probably stupid and fun but i need to write it anyway cause ficwriter fever.

Eddie takes a breath: ‘I'm not sure you get the situation correctly. Buck just happens to be my son's best friend. Do you have something against that?’ And finally Sam smiles: ‘No, of course not. You have a great son, I just needed to check the whole thing. Evan's explanations were a bit confusing and it looked like more of co-parenting deal which I'm not a fan of’ Eddie feels Athena and Bobby looking at each other. Co-parenting situation though. Fuck. It could actually look like that… ’I give you that, the situation could be confusing at first. But don't worry. Buck is just great with kids. And he is a very good friend, so yes, he helps me a lot’, - Eddie catches the changes on Sam's face: ‘He introduced Carla to our life. She's… I can't call her a babysitter because she's so much more. As you could probably mention Chris isn't an easy kid’,- he is. Chris is perfect. Eddie loves his son. And now, apparently, Chris is the only person Eddie can love. Is it appropriate to go already? He doesn't want to be rude to Maddie and Chim by any means but it would be better for Chris and him just go home, otherwise Eddie has all chances to end up under the table drunk as hell. Nobody would like it. ‘I get it’, - Sam is ignoring Eddie's face or he actually can't read between the lines, Eddie doesn't know for sure but it looks like he is stuck in this conversation: ‘Then I'm all for it. And I can see Evan’, - Buck. His name is Buck! Okay, Eddie quietly exhales. Maybe Buck is fine being called Evan now. ’He is very nervous he could lose Chris. So listen, if it's fine with you… maybe we actually can go out with him once in a while, and you get more free time, Evan said you broke up with your last girlfriend some time ago, so you definitely deserve your own personal life’ Eddie thinks he can hit him right in the face now. Athena would be mad, of course. Bobby too. He could be fired. But it would be worth it! He thinks Sam has no idea. But, he thinks, he has to do it for Buck. This last thought is refreshing as a cold shower. He is doing that for Buck. Buck wants him to like his boyfriend. Eddie could not do that. But he could pretend. He learnt the science of pretending quite well. ‘Hey, Eddie! Can you please come for a second?’, - Maddie is an angel sent straight from heaven to save his sanity and Sam's face. He excuses himself and goes straight to the kitchen hoping it doesn't look like running

And taglist (as always no pressure but actually if you want to also share something and my tag can ping you - ping!)

@pirrusstuff @steadfastsaturnsrings @idealuk @duncley @angryangeldreamsalad @blackberry-l @teayourtea @springeden7 @charleyk @lilypads-and-dragonflies @virtualstudent16 @princehattric @dantesrebellion1776 @fionaswhvre @darkrose6578 @thatshroomintheforest @princehattric @pansysgothgf

[inawickedlittletown]

Tell Me Where To Put My Love (buddie one-shot)

Summary: There was no way that Eddie could have ever actually pointed to the moment when he realized that he was not as straight as he had always thought.

701 reaction fic, because Eddie may have a girlfriend but that doesn't mean he isn't also pining for Buck.

Words: 3,040

Read on Ao3

-

There was no way that Eddie could have ever actually pointed to the moment when he realized that he was not as straight as he had always thought. What Eddie did know, was that of course it revolved around Buck. Eddie was oh so very attracted to Buck. What Eddie also knew was that his best friend was actually as straight as could be and that Eddie had absolutely no chance. It didn’t stop him from how he felt when Buck just casually mentioned he and Natalia had broken up. How even after he and Buck had departed the firehouse and gotten into their own cars, he hadn’t stopped smiling. It took a while to remind himself that Buck being single changed nothing. 

For one thing, Eddie had his own sort of girlfriend — not that they had discussed labeling anything yet. For another, Buck was not attracted to men. Eddie did think that he was hasty in repeating that to himself all the time, considering his own realizations about his sexuality, and yet it was one of the ways he could protect himself. Buck was unattainable in that way and Eddie needed him in his — and Christopher’s — life any way that they could keep him. 

A few days later, he leaned against the wall outside Christopher’s room and listened in as Buck parented Christopher. His heart was breaking in his chest as his son’s voice drifted towards him. What had seemed like a silly problem when he was telling Buck and nudging Buck in the direction of being the one to deal with it, was suddenly far more than Eddie had expected. 

He didn’t know how long he stood there, but eventually he couldn’t handle it anymore. It took knowing that his son was safe with Buck and that Buck could handle it, to keep him from rushing into Chris’ room. His feet took him to his own room and he sank down on the bed. He had no idea just how badly it still hurt Chris. His eyes were unfocused, staring right at the wall and trying to imagine how he had somehow missed that his son was still struggling. It was just like when Chris had been freaking out thinking that he would lose Eddie due to his job. 

Buck found him later and with a gentle touch to the shoulder had Eddie looking at him.

“You okay?” Buck’s eyes were so blue and they held so much worry, so much warmth. 

“I don’t know what to feel,” Eddie said, truthfully. “I just can’t believe it.”

“It makes sense,” Buck said. 

Without prompting Buck sat down next to him, so close that Eddie could feel his body warmth. It took everything in Eddie to not move closer, to lean into him and let his weight settle on Buck with the full knowledge that Buck would catch him. 

“It was a bit of a joke, I know, but I was the way I was for a reason,” Buck said. “Going from one girl or guy to another. Told Bobby once I thought I was a sex addict. I was looking for connection, for someone that would care about me and see past all the things that made me easy to only be good for one night. And when I thought I found that person, she left me. I think I was an ever bigger mess…probably still am a bit.”

Eddie felt like he was short circuiting, like something in his head wasn’t clicking together. He couldn’t fully comprehend what Buck was saying, stuck on one part. 

“Eddie?” 

Eddie couldn’t form words. 

“Look,” Buck said and he shuffled closer, bumping his shoulder against Eddie’s. “The good thing is we know why he was talking to all those girls and didn’t understand it wasn’t the right approach. Maybe it would help if you talked to him about his mom.” 

This was about Chris. It was about Chris remaining on the right track and not becoming a player, about Chris learning to respect the girls he dated, namely by dating one at a time. It was also about the root of the problem, the trauma of losing his mom. Eddie couldn’t make it about himself no matter how much he wanted to ask Buck to clarify. 

“I think it’d be better coming from her,” Eddie said, finding words. “She wrote him a letter. About the time when she left us in Texas, but it will work now too. I never…I thought I would give it to him eventually, didn’t know he actually probably needed it a long time ago.”

Buck’s shoulder pressed against his, remaining there. “If you think that will help, then go for it.”

Eddie thought it would help. And if it didn’t then Eddie would have to have a talk to Chris about Shannon and about dating and relationships and the complicated way to navigate romantic feelings. He had his own hardships with all of that which probably didn’t help matters at all. He wondered how much of Chris’ struggle was Eddie’s fault too. 

“I should probably go,” Buck said. “You’ll tell me how it goes?” 

“Of course.” 

Eddie heard Buck talking to Chris again and then the front door open and close. Meanwhile, Eddie let his mind linger on what Buck had said. Going from one girl or guy to another. Said so casually as if Eddie should have already known that despite the fact that in the time Eddie had known him there had been Abby and Ali and Taylor and most recently Natalia. No guys. At least none that Buck had ever spoken about. 

He wished he’d actually commented on it, made a point of showing Buck he’d noticed what he said and yet that was a can of worms that would lead to places Eddie didn’t know he was ready for. Except his need to know was going to drive him crazy, not least because if Buck really was attracted to guys as well, then Eddie had something of a chance. And Buck was single now. 

Eddie knew exactly where the letter was, but he didn’t go to Chris immediately. Instead, he cleaned a little and when his phone rang, he was only a little reluctant to answer and it wasn’t entirely because he wished it had been Buck calling. 

“Hey,” Marisol said. Her voice was cheerful. It was so different than Eddie’s mood. 

“Hi,” Eddie said. 

“How did it go?” she asked. 

Eddie liked Marisol. Since the whole thing with Ana, it had been so refreshing to find Marisol. She was down to earth and fun to hang out with. It was easy with her, there was no pressure. She got along with Chris. Didn’t push him past the place they had gotten to. Considering everything — including his feelings for Buck — Eddie was aware that as much as a possibility for a future between them existed, so too existed the opposite. An end. 

“What?”

“Oh, I thought you were having Buck talk to Chris,” Marisol said. 

“Yes. Yes. That did happen,” Eddie said. “Went alright, I think. I’m gonna talk to him about it too. Later.”

Marisol chuckled. “That’s good. He’s such a sweet kid. It’s a good thing he has a dad like you.”

One thing that he really liked about Marisol was that as much as she liked Christopher, she respected boundaries. It was so entirely different from Ana. Eddie hadn’t realized until long after he broke it off with Ana, how quickly Ana had tried to carve a place in their lives as if Chris was in desperate need of a second parent. Ana would have balked at the idea of Buck taking on the conversation with Chris. Marisol had only laughed and pat Eddie on the back and told him to wish Buck luck. 

“I think serious dating is still a long ways away, but I’d rather my kid not get a reputation this early on. Can you imagine?” 

“Considering the kids I went to school with. Yes,” Marisol said. “I’m glad you’re not alone in all of this. It must be so helpful to have Buck.”

At some point, Eddie would have balked at the importance of Buck in his life…in Christopher’s life. Except that, these days it felt so normal almost like Buck had become Chris’ second dad somehow. 

“Hey, Marisol, do you think it’s a little strange?”

“What?”

“That I asked Buck to talk to Chris,” Eddie said. 

She chuckled again. “No. I mean, you said he has more experience, right? Like you’d involve anyone in your life to help your kid. And those two are pretty close. You all are. The way Chris talks about him, and the way that you involve him in everything. It’s pretty clear that Buck is part of your family.”

There was something about how she said it, like there was no question about where Buck fit and how. 

“So you don’t find it odd,” Eddie said. 

“Eddie, why are you asking me all this?” 

“I don’t know…I just…I guess I was thinking about Chris’ dating issue and Buck said something and now I’m—”

“You’re realizing that you have feelings for him,” Marisol finished for him and weirdly Eddie could hear the smile in her words. 

“You—”

“You’re not hard to read, Eddie. And this has been fun…I don’t want to lose your friendship, but maybe you should be talking to Buck.” She didn’t even sound sad or anything, just resigned. Like she had been expecting this. 

Eddie inhaled a breath. After a moment Marisol said goodbye and Eddie dropped his phone on the nearest surface. That was not at all how he had expected that to go. He gave himself some time to collect himself and then switched to dad mode. 

He could tell that Chris was still having complicated emotions when he went to find him. The one picture he had of Shannon was turned over and Eddie let himself wonder for a moment how long it had been that way, but he didn’t say anything about it. It was awkward and Chris wouldn’t look directly at him, but he took the letter even if he didn’t open the envelope or read it. Without much else to say, Eddie left him and hoped the time alone would help. 

Eddie made himself clean up the kitchen and tidy up the living room. Kept cleaning until he realized that he should have been figuring out dinner instead. 

Chris looked in better spirits when Eddie checked on him again, and the picture of Shannon was standing upright again. There was plenty that Eddie could say and yet words didn’t want to come, not when they might ruin whatever comfort Chris had managed to get. Instead, he ordered them pizza and when it arrived, things seemed lighter. Chris didn’t say anything about the letter or the talk with Buck and Eddie didn’t think he should bring it up just yet. 

When Christopher had gone to bed, Eddie remained in the living room. He really should have headed to bed himself, except that having Chris mostly squared away meant that he could focus on Buck’s words. Going from one girl or guy to another. 

As far as Eddie was concerned, Buck had been a womanizer back in the time before Eddie knew him. He was reformed, by his own wording, and Eddie had really only ever seen him in what could be considered relationships. Not flings or one-night stands or whatever. Even the whole thing with Taylor had been more serious than any of them liked. Eddie had been entirely too happy when it ended. There had never been any guys. Maybe Buck kept that to himself or maybe Eddie hadn’t been paying attention. 

Maddie would know for sure, probably, but Eddie wasn’t calling her. Bobby might know, but he was hardly an option considering he was on a cruise and Eddie didn’t want to bother him. There was Hen, but with Hen came more questions…questions aimed at Eddie. Eddie was hardly ready for that. 

His phone rang first. This time it really was Buck. Eddie couldn’t help his smile as he answered. 

“Hey, Buck.” 

“And?” Buck asked. 

“Gave him the letter. Seems like it’s better. He heard you and he heard his mom and now I’ll just wait and see if he needs me to say more.”

Buck laughed, “Ah, I see, you got out of being a parent for this one.” 

“I have excellent help,” Eddie said. “Really, Buck, don’t know what I would do without you. There’s only so much that I can actually handle on my own.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Buck said. “Giving your kid dating advice.” 

Eddie snorted. “Better you than I. You know my dating history. You, on the other hand, have so much history I doubt we’ve even discussed it all.” 

“Probably not,” Buck said. 

Eddie took a breath. “What are you doing right now?” 

“Nothing. Why?” 

“Well, I don’t think I’ll be going to bed any time soon, want to come over?” 

Buck agreed pretty quickly. Hanging up in order to grab his jacket and put on shoes to head down from his apartment to his car and drive over. Eddie felt giddy, but then he was always glad to see Buck. It felt…well, maybe not different, but like there were possibilities and Eddie just had to be brave. 

Buck arrived with a six pack and a grin. “Better to drink with friends.” 

They made it to the living room and because it was the usual for them, they found their places on Eddie’s sofa. 

“Are you still worried?” Buck asked. 

Eddie fixed him with a look as he lifted his bottle to his lips. “I’m a dad. I’ll always worry. But I think he’ll always be dealing with not having his mom around.”

“One way or another, our parents will always mess us up,” Buck said. 

Eddie reached over to tap his bottle to Buck’s. “I guess I’m hoping he’ll be better than both of us.” 

“Of course he will. No doubt about that.” 

Eddie leaned back on the sofa’s armrest. He looked at Buck, taking him in. He was big, not just in how his body was shaped with the strength that he carried physically. It was his personality, the depth of the way that he cared. He was absolutely gorgeous, the bluest eyes, with the most distinctive birthmark and a smile that made hearts skip a beat. Eddie wanted to kiss that smile, to taste the beer on Buck’s lips. 

“What?” Buck asked. 

It wasn’t that there was some kind of clock on it, exactly, because if there was one thing that Eddie knew, it was that Buck would always be there. His best friend. No matter what…they had been through enough and still they had each other. Nothing could change that. 

“I was thinking,” Eddie said. 

“I don’t know if that’s safe.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Earlier, you said girls or guys. I had no idea you…”

Buck’s smile faded. He looked away from Eddie, hand rubbing the back of his neck, before his eyes looked back up and found Eddie’s. 

“I’m bi,” Buck said. “I guess I haven’t dated a guy since we met. I didn’t even realize. It’s why…oh, god,” He groaned and chuckled. “The day you started you were distracting, Hen kept teasing me. I was so angry at Abby and maybe even myself and I took it out on you.” 

Eddie didn’t know what his face was doing. He knew he was surprised, maybe even shocked. He remembered his first few weeks at the 118 well. How excited he’d been to finally be a firefighter and how he’d known pretty quickly that it was a place where he fit. Everyone was welcoming, and then there was Buck. Acting out and pushing Eddie in some weird way that at first Eddie just took for some strange form of jealousy. No one could have ever known how close they would become, what friendship would form between them. 

“Eddie?” Buck asked.

“I think that I’m…I’ve been thinking for a while I don’t think I’m as straight as I thought I was.”

They were both dead silent. Buck was staring at him and Eddie stared back. Buck broke the silence when he put his bottle down with a clink. He grabbed Eddie’s and put it down too.

“Don’t tell me I’m reading this wrong,” Buck said. 

Eddie reached for him just as Buck reached for him too. A hand was at Eddie’s neck and Buck’s fingers were not the softness that he was used to from a woman’s hand. It made him shiver. And then he felt Buck’s breath on his skin. Eddie pushed forward, hands holding onto Buck’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Their lips met in what was barely a kiss, a soft brush of lips. It was electric. It was right. It was better than anything. 

“Eddie,” Buck whispered and that’s when the proper kissing began. 

It was like nothing and everything that Eddie had imagined. The passion, the want, and the awe that came with a kiss that had been a long time coming. Buck was on him, their chests pressed together. Eddie had never felt anything like it, from the rush of emotion in his chest to the very physical awareness that it was a man he was kissing. He loved it. The hard panes of Buck’s body, how big he was in a way that matched Eddie. 

Any daydream would never match this. To actually feel Buck against him, to breathe with him and to touch him and to kiss him. To know that Buck actually hungered for him too. 

“How long,” Buck whispered, “how long have you felt this way?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie said. “A while.” 

“We have a lot of time to make up for,” Buck said. 

Eddie’s lips turned up into a smile. To think that he’d been telling himself for ages that this was an impossibility. Their hands were linked and Eddie couldn’t imagine ever wanting to let go. Buck kissed him again. Eddie didn’t want him to stop. 

[noya-noya-noya]

one of my favorite things about the whole buddie dynamics is the fact that while Buck is healing and beginning to choose himself (armchair scene) there's still a part of him that thinks he's only going to get love by risking his life, and that his life IS expendable. an "if I die, that's fine, but i sure would be sad if someone else dies" mentality.

it reminds me of that one line in inochi no kirawareteiru "Frankly, we don't care a bit if we, ourselves died but we'd be pretty said if the people around us died".

and Eddie... Eddie has been assuring him consistently that he is cherished, he is important, and he gets him out of his head when he's starting to spiral.

1...

Buck: I just, I wish I could- Eddie: Fix it? Buck: Yeah, yeah. I know I'm the guy who always wants to fix everything. Eddie: Hey! It comes in handy when you have a bunch of holes in your wall.

2...

Buck: They never wanted another kid. They just had me for parts. Defective parts, as it turned out.

Eddie: Hey, that's not on you.

3...

Eddie: I'd eat a couple extra slices. You look like you're wasting away to nothing.

Buck: Eddie--

Eddie:I will say, honestly, you being laid up is working out for me. I mean, you're no abuela, and you're half a Carla, but you'll do in a pinch.

Buck: You want me to watch Christopher?

Eddie: It's easy. He's not very fast.

Buck: After everything that happened?

Eddie: A natural disaster happened, Buck.

Buck: I lost him, Eddie.

Eddie: No, You saved him. That's how he remembers it. And now, it's his turn to do the same for you.

Buck: I was supposed to look out for him.

Eddie: And what, you think you failed? I failed that kid more times than I care to count, and I'm his father. But I love him enough to never stop trying, and I know you do too.

Eddie: Buck...there's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you.

Eddie: Thank you for not giving up

4...

Eddie: Are you hurt? (shooting scene)

5...

Buck: Now, listen, I had an entire fire truck fall on my leg, and hey, look at me now.

Eddie: *shakes his head*

Carson: That sounds horrible.

Buck: No, horrible was the blood clots you get after. Mine was in my lung. I was coughing up blood. And they put you on these blood thinners and...

Eddie: Buck.

(I always saw this as Eddie shaking his head because Buck was making fun of what happened to him and not because Buck might scare Carson because Carson wasn't really that scared anymore at that time)

6...

Bobby and Buck arrives at the firehouse, Eddie is alone and opens his arms, waiting to hear the news.

Bobby: Clean bill of health from the docs.

Eddie: Glad to hear it.

Eddie: Show-off.

Buck: I had to do it.

Eddie: No, I know you did.

7...

Doctor: We'll do our best.

Eddie: Do more!

and of course 8...

Eddie: Because, Evan you came in here the other day and you said you thought it would have been better if it had been you who was shot. You act like you are expendable, but you’re wrong.

there's probably a lot more but these are the top ones that I can think of.

i think for someone who lived their whole life looking for purpose (and somehow putting themself in harm's way is something they are accustomed to do) and having someone who has their back, defending them not just from others but their own mind as well, consistently, is a match incomparable.

[fantasylover145]

This season it looks like Eddie isn't going to be supporting Buck too much for the breakup (though it's not the worst Buck has been through & he definitely wasn't in love with Tommy it still probably hurts) Eddie will support him if Buck wants though it isn't Eddie's priority which is fair he should focus on his mental health. It's just we constantly see Eddie leaning on Buck & Buck supporting him and Christopher with absolutely everything. I'm so glad that Eddie is on his journey to figure out what makes him happy but he is very rarely there for Buck emotionally in comparison to how much Buck is there for him. Maybe it's because Buck goes to Bobby or Maddie or even Hen when he needs support as well or Eddie just expects Buck to come to him. But it would be nice to see that concern for the other reciprocated in that, Eddie will go out of his way for Buck to care for him and help him. Like Eddie has never tried to "save" Buck emotionally like Ryan has said Eddie would usually try to do, thats a blatant misrepresentation of their relationship, usually it is always Buck "saving" Eddie every single time.

I'm not saying Eddie is a bad friend nowhere near and I am so so happy he is finally putting himself first and focusing his energy on his mental health and happiness. A breakup isn't the end of the world and Eddie isn't a bad person or friend for not prioritising Buck after his breakup. And he's still obviously going to be a good friend and listen to Buck and help him when he can but it would be nice if the dynamic switched for a bit.

Whilst the situations are entirely different I do feel like Buck and Eddie's relationship kinda mirrors Abby's and Buck's in a weird way. Like Buck and Abby's relationship was all about Buck taking care of Abby and even though Eddie and Buck's relationship is so so much deeper and Eddie has proven how much he cares for Buck whereas Abby really didn't, Buck is still the one doing the majority of the work, most of the time relationship is about Eddie. That isn't to say Eddie is a bad person or character or friend, he is an amazing friend, person and father. Also, sometimes friendships need to be unequal because one of them needs more support but it shouldn't always be unequal. That's one of the reasons I didn't like Buck and Abby's relationship because it was so unhealthy and Abby was taking advantage of Buck, and while Eddie isn't, Buck definitely does more for him than Eddie does for Buck.

Moreover, it would be nice to see Eddie give the same energy back to Buck because often times we see Eddie supporting Buck only at work or when it's convenient for him or when Buck goes to him, he never goes to check on him or goes out of his way to support him ( I don't count before the tsunami since he basically said to suck it up then too & Buck was doing him a favour by watching Christopher). Whereas, we have seen Buck on multiple occasions go out of his way to support Eddie (when Buck noticed him panicking about Ana & his panic attacks, his breakdown & after, when he was going to El Paso for his father's retirement party, introducing him to Carla, going with him when his abuela broke her hip & telling Bobby that they are taking Christopher to the station, going to the equine therapy centre, building Christopher a skateboard etc).

There are so so many times when Buck goes absolutely above and beyond for Eddie. And while Eddie has supported Buck in incredible ways and really brought him into the family don't get me wrong but apart from the will (which wasn't just for Buck, it was also for Eddie & Chris it wasn't entirely a selfless act to keep Buck alive it was for his son) Eddie hasn't really ever done any great gestures to showcase how much he cares for Buck and what he is willing to do for him in the same way that Buck knows about anyway (since Buck wasn't conscious for the lightning strike & may not remember the ladder truck too well). I hope we see more of that, we kinda did with Eddie coming over to help with Buck's boils which was sweet. I'd just love an episode where Eddie see's something is wrong with Buck and actively goes out of his way to support him and take care of him maybe Buck having a breakdown and mirroring Eddie's season 5 arc.

[ravens-words]

I'll hold you longer than forever

6x10 Coda/6x11 Spec fic.

Falling in love with Evan Buckley is probably the easiest thing Eddie has ever done.

Which is probably why it only registers when he sees Buck's limp body hanging from the ladder, completely, terrifyingly still. He screams his name, "Buck!"

Don't you dare die.

"Buck!"

Don't you dare leave me.

"Buck!"

Christopher. What is he going to tell Christopher?

He nearly slips as he climbs higher, but it doesn't matter- he keeps moving.

"Buck," he shouts, looks down at him. His heart squeezes in terror when he sees his lax face, partially obscured by his helmet.

He grabs onto the rope, pulls.

"Buck!"

Wake. Up.

He doesn't wake up.

"God forbid you make this easy on me, huh?" The beeping of the heart monitor is his only answer. Eddie sighs, takes Buck's hand in his, and squeezes it. He knows he should talk to him, let him know he's there, but words escape him every time he tries. So, he watches the mechanical rise and fall of his chest instead, watches his face for an indication that he's waking up, even though he knows he won't find it. He watches, and he waits.

Buck doesn't wake up.

.

They kick him out of the room while the doctor examines Buck, and though he briefly considers going to the cafeteria, he ultimately decides against it. He plans on going outside, truly, but somehow, his feet take him somewhere else.

He hesitates at the door of the chapel, not sure if he can get himself to go in there. His relationship with God and faith isn't exactly stellar, and it's been a long time since he prayed. But, there's a helplessness gnawing at his insides, and it's what pushes him to push through and walk inside.

He stops dead in his tracks when he sees someone's already there. Someone familiar.

"Bobby?"

The older man lifts his head, turns sideways, and red-rimmed eyes meet Eddie's. "Hey, Eddie."

He takes a couple of steps forward, then stops. "Do you want me to go?"

Bobby wordlessly shakes his head, so Eddie walks the remaining distance and sits down beside him. They don't say anything for a while, just taking comfort in each other's presence, until Bobby breaks the silence. "How is he?"

Eddie shakes his head. "Still in a coma."

Bobby cracks a smile.

"What are we gonna do, Bobby?"

The older man's hands tremble as he lifts one to his face. "What we can," he answers simply, "we do what we can to let him know we're here, and that he's loved and wanted- and we hope to God it's enough."

There's a resignation in his words, a defeat, that rattles Eddie. He's never seen Bobby like this before, and he's terrified. "You're giving up on him," he mutters.

Bobby shakes his head. "I'm not."

"That's not very convincing, Bobby," he snaps.

"Eddie-"

"It's only been a week!"

Bobby rubs his face tiredly, then turns so he's facing Eddie. "I'm not giving up on him, because I know he's fighting like hell to get back to us." Bobby looks away, but not before Eddie sees the stark fear in his eyes.

So he doesn't say anything, knows if it's Christopher in that hospital bed there wouldn't be anything anyone said that would help.

He squeezes the older man's shoulder. Bobby pats his hand, and together, they sit in the silence, and wait.

.

"How's Christopher?"

"He's-" Eddie tried to think of a word to describe the state his son is in, and fails miserably, "he's trying to deal with it as best as he can, I guess."

Maddie hums, nods. She strokes her brother's hair, silent tears trailing down her pale cheeks.

"How are you, Maddie?"

She shrugs, "every day I wake up and I think, this is it- this is the day he wakes up. And every day, he doesn't."

"He's gonna wake up," he tells her, but it's not as firm as he wants it to be, and it's hesitant, because he's desperate for her confirmation.

She wipes away her tears, smiles, small and fleeting, and nods. "He is."

.

Christopher's third visit goes pretty much like the first two. He sits on the chair beside Buck's bed, and he reads to him- a book they'd been reading together before Buck got struck by lightning.

Once visiting hours are over, Christopher usually gets up without a fuss, holds Buck's hand and asks him to wake up.

This time is different, though.

He does hold his hand, but he doesn't ask him to wake up.

"Buck?" his son starts, pauses like he expects an answer, "you promised me we'd watch Star Wars together. You said you'd teach me how to surf. Y-you also said you'd convince dad to get me a new phone."

"The phone you have is good enough," he protests, but his voice is shaking so badly it's a wonder he can get the words out.

"See?" Christopher says to Buck, "I- I need your help. I n-need you, Buck," his son's voice is wobbly now, and he's sniffling, but he keeps talking. "You s-said you wouldn't go anywhere."

Eddie can't take it anymore. He closes his arms around Christopher, pulling him in tightly, and for the first time in two weeks, Christopher cries. Eddie leans down, presses his lips to the crown of Christopher's head.

His own tears disappear into Christopher's hair, but his son doesn't seem to mind.

He looks at Buck from over the top of Christopher's head, and wills him to wake up, because he's not sure how much more of this anyone of them can take.

.

Eddie's dosing in his chair beside Buck's bed when a hand squeezes his fingers. It's weak, but still- he opens his eyes cautiously, sure it's a dream. He looks down at Buck's hand in his, wills it to move again. "Buck? Hey, are you with me?" He squeezes his hand. "Come on, man, squeeze my hand," he pleads with him as he demonstrates.

Buck's breath stutters. Eddie stops breathing altogether. He gets up quickly, presses the call button, and it happens again. Buck's breath stutters, his hand spasms around Eddie's.

Eddie leans down, holds Buck's face in his hands. "Buck?"

His eyes flutter open, and Eddie laughs, giddy and relieved. "Took you long enough," he mutters with a wide smile, heart beating wildly against his chest.

Wide, terrified blue eyes meet Eddie's and he presses the call button again. He manages to catch Buck's hands before they go to the breathing tube. "Hey, hey," he soothes him, "you can't take that out, yet, okay? The doc's gonna be here any second, just hold on, Buck."

The words don't help much, so Eddie's relieved when the doctor and nurses swarm the room. He's not happy that they push him out, but he takes the time to call the others to let them know he's awake.

.

Maddie's the first to show up, and she's already crying. To Eddie's surprise, she hugs him really tightly and when she pulls back, she's smiling so big that her eyes crinkle at the corners like Buck's do.

"I'm gonna go see him," she tells him excitedly, practically skipping to her brother's hospital room.

.

Bobby comes next.

Buck's asleep when he arrives though, so he takes a seat opposite Eddie and waits.

It takes over eight hours, during which Chimney, Hen, Karen, Albert and Carla all come and go, for Buck to wake up.

Bobby's shoulders slump in relief, and he bows to rest his forehead on Buck's hand- the one Bobby's holding in both of his. "Thank God," Eddie hears him mutter, "thank you."

"Bobby?" He slurs.

"I'm here, kiddo," Bobby reassures him, voice soft, "I'm right here."

"Yo-you okay?"

Bobby laughs, eyes glassy with unshed tears, and his eyes flit over to Eddie, the both of them sharing a fond, exasperated look. "I'm okay, son."

Buck's eyes widen slightly, and though it might not seem like a big deal, he knows it is to Buck. Bobby seems to realize what he said a second after.

Eddie slips out of the room quietly, and the last thing he sees before he closes the door is Bobby leaning over the bed, hugging Buck tightly. Buck's face is just barely visible over the older man's shoulder, eyes shut tightly as his hands clutch onto Bobby's shirt.

Eddie smiles.

.

He doesn't get the chance to talk to Buck alone until the next day. They're alone, and he's watching him sleep. His hand is on Buck's chest because he needs to feel him breathe.

"Hey," Buck rasps, startling Eddie.

"Hi," he breathes out, smiling slightly. He's exhausted, can barely keep his eyes open, but none of that matters because Buck is alive, and he's smiling at him, a smile Eddie's pretty sure is just for him. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got struck by lightning," is his immediate answer.

Eddie purses his lips, unimpressed.

"Too soon?" Buck guesses with a shit-eating grin.

Eddie rolls his eyes. "Yes, too soon."

"Hey, Eddie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm okay."

Eddie's breath stutters in his chest, and god, he hasn't realized how much he needs to hear the words from Buck until this very moment. "You weren't okay, though," he utters, "you died, right in front of me. I couldn't do anything about it. I-" Buck's eyes well up with tears, and Eddie panics. "Buck?!"

"I'm sorry," he whispers brokenly. "I'm sorry Eddie, I-"

"Hey, no, that's not on you, I shouldn't have said that."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Buck cuts him off, "I know how terrifying it is, to watch," he seems to trail off, trying to choose his words.

It clicks, then, that he's talking about the shooting. That Buck has been on the other side of this situation, that he's been in Eddie's shoes. The tears running down his cheeks are for Eddie, for what he went through, and he realizes he has never loved this man more than he does in this moment.

He smiles, shakes his head. "It doesn't matter, Buck."

Their eyes lock. Eddie leans closer, lets his forehead rest on Buck's. They stay there a while, just breathing in the same air. If Eddie moves, just a little bit, their lips will touch. It takes everything in him to stay still.

"I'm here," he whispers in the hair of space between their lips, "you're here."

Buck gives a tiny nod; Eddie feels it, "I'm here."

"You're okay."

"I'm okay," Buck says as his hand settles on the back of his neck, squeezing it gently, before he guides him down. Eddie hides his face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in, and closes his eyes.

.

He takes him home with him because there's no way he's letting him recover in his loft, all on his own. Christopher's waiting for them on the porch, and when he spots them, he runs to them as fast as his feet can take him. He collides with Buck, and Eddie's about to tell him to be careful, to give Buck some room, when he sees the look on Buck's face. His partner's looking down at his son like he's the most precious thing in the world. He's leaning down now, his face hidden in Christopher's hair as the boy babbles on about how much he missed him, and he's got his eyes closed.

He knows how much Buck loves Christopher, he does, but he never gets tired of seeing it, of realizing just how deep it runs.

"Christopher?" Buck mumbles, then pulls away to crouch in front of the boy. He has to look up a little, because Christopher has gotten taller, and Eddie sees the moment that hits him. They share a quiet look of 'holy shit, he's growing up' before Buck focuses back on Christopher.

"Yeah?"

"I heard you."

His boy is confused. "What?"

"When I was in the hospital? I heard you talking to me. I heard you reading to me. Thank you for doing that, kiddo."

Christopher's eyes fill with tears, and Buck gets up and picks him up easily. Christopher doesn't fuss about it, just buries his face in his shoulder and cries.

"It's okay, kiddo, it's okay."

They stay like that for a long time; his boys holding each other, and Eddie watching them, able to breathe for the first time in weeks.

.

When he kisses Buck, they're on Eddie's couch, and his partner's ranting about some movie that Eddie is absolutely not paying attention to. Instead, he's just watching Buck. The curly hair that he's itching to run his hands through, the birthmark he's dying to put his lips to, and his lips-

"Can you at least pretend to watch the movie?"

Eddie jerks, startled, and hopes his cheeks aren't red. "What?"

Buck rolls his eyes, turns off the TV. "What's on your mind?"

"I'm terrified," he blurts out.

Buck frowns, turns to sit sideways on the couch, facing him. Their knees touch. "Of what?"

Eddie says nothing, can't get the words out past the lump in his throat. Is he really about to tell his best friend that he loves him?

"Eds, you can talk to me," Buck tells him quietly, seriously.

"I know," he tells him, smiling slightly.

"Then talk. Tell me what you're scared of."

"Losing you."

He shakes his head. "You won't lose me-"

"You don't," he cuts him off, then trails off, "not- like that."

Buck's confused now, and Eddie doesn't blame him. He huffs.

"This isn't about me almost dying," he says slowly, unsure.

"No, it's not."

He looks at him, wishes the other man can read his mind and put him out of his misery. Buck looks back, patiently waiting for him to speak.

"I- when I saw you die, my whole world just- stopped. I didn't breathe, couldn't. You're so important to me, Buck, second only to Christopher. It's been that way for a while, but I didn't see it, not until I almost lost you for good."

Buck's stopped breathing altogether, so Eddie just prowled on.

In for a penny...

"Buck, I love you."

The penny drops.

It's now Eddie's turn to hold his breath.

"You love me," he says slowly.

"I do."

"Love me like love me?"

Eddie rolls his eyes. "Yes, dumbass, I love love you."

He's still blinking at him, uncomprehending, so Eddie does the only thing he can to get it through his thick skull.

He grabs his face, and he kisses him.

[lover-of-mine]

And like I get that most people entered the buddie could go canon boat after season 3 because sure season 3 is absolutely completely insane.

because the first interaction the two of them have is a hug (let them hug again 2023) that Bobby literally pushes Eddie forward to receive, then they have the most adorable scene where Chris gives Buck a card and then after Chim mentioned that Buck is wasting away in his bed, Eddie shows up at the loft, the loft that Eddie has the keys to I might add, with Christopher going all take care of my son I'm out, and have Maddie and Chim have a conversation about kids that ends with them saying Buck is the only one of their friends that doesn't have a kid right before, when the chain of events that that visit starts makes it clear that Buck loves Chris like Chris is his and then Eddie shows up at the loft again hands Christopher over with that there's no one in this world i trust with my son more than you when we know Chris is Eddie's whole world and Eddie is saying I trust you with my world then there's the fight at the grocery store that literally sounds like a divorced couple screaming at each down to the point where Eddie brings up the kid because he knows it will get a reaction when Eddie is only mad because he's come to rely on Buck and he doesn't know how to handle not being allowed to talk to him and then they make up literally the second Eddie let's Buck talk for more than a sentence (last buddie hug 🫶 it's been 62 episodes but who's counting) then we have that kitchen scene that i legit want an heterosexual explanation for, like seriously if you have one please tell me, and then we have Buck helping organize a whole Christmas after hearing Chris complain that he couldn't be with Eddie or Buck and then Eddie has a parental crisis that not only Buck talks him out of but also helps come up with a solution, and then we have Eddie almost dying and Buck CLAWING at the mud as if it didn't take a whole drill and a bunch of hours to make the hole in the first place while screaming Eddie's name and Eddie's i need keep fighting montage starts with a memory of Buck and everyone is looking at Buck like he's a victims spouse in a particularly rough call and when Eddie comes back Buck literally grabbing Eddie with that look on his face, and then Eddie just makes Buck his kid's legal guardian in the event of his death as if Buck wasn't also a firefighter and his partner so if Eddie is in danger, Buck is also probably in danger, and as if he wasn't a single guy with no kids of his own, and just conveniently forgets to mention it (I wonder if there's a letter, please god tell me there's a letter to go with that will and Buck will know about it someday without Eddie dying) and timeline wise Eddie makes a legally binding document that states that Buck will get Chris while Buck is spiraling that he will die alone, which adds a whole other layer to Eddie assuring Buck that what happened to Red won't happen to him, and then Abby comes back and Eddie gets pissed that Buck is being reckless because of her and is unsure of how to comfort him but is hoovering about it anyway and then pretty much every shot of Buck during May's graduation party has either Eddie or Chris in it. And like???? I'm not supposed to wonder?????

No because I'm having a delusional they casted Ryan with a plan day and like i need to know why they introduced Eddie with a slow mo shot of him shirtless right after Buck's love interest left, and had SO MUCH TENSION go on between them that was then diffused by exactly 1 (one) compliment and a promise of having each other backs, something that's used by Buck and Eddie when it comes to romantic partners, and then they had Buck drive Eddie to Chris after the earthquake right after they showed Athena running to her family, Hen running to hers and right before Bobby shows up to check on Athena and meets the kids and Michael, and then they had Buck go with Eddie to check on abuela, and had Buck clear with Bobby for Chris to be at the firehouse before it even occurred to Eddie to do so, and then had Buck's sister accuse Buck of having a boy crush on Eddie, and then they had Buck solve a major parenting issue for Eddie without prompting or making Eddie feel inadequate, something that becomes extremely relevant when you find out that Eddie was teenage father and his parents tried to take his kid away by telling him he is inadequate as a parent and the whole way they made Eddie feel like a bad father, and then have a love interest be introduced for Buck that Eddie immediately hates on the same episode Buck assumes Maddie is talking about Eddie, and right before Eddie's wife comes back, then they had a gay couple make Buck have a revelation about what love means, then they had Eddie take Buck to a family outing that Eddie is denying Christopher literal mother of and had a complete stranger that would never be spoken of again tell Buck that they had an adorable son because, let's face it, they totally gave Eddie a kid that kinda looks like Buck, and whose friend just tags along to take the friend's kid to see Santa sitting that close while watching said kid and somehow having a conversation where it sounds like Eddie is justifying sleeping is his honest to God wife and have Eddie be the one to try and comfort Buck when Maddie goes missing and have Eddie, a firefighter, acting as a medic and just holding Buck's hand while they tried to lift the firetruck when it would've made more sense for Eddie to be the one lifting the truck and Chim, who had claimed to be the most experienced paramedic at the other bombing, treating Buck, then have wistful shot of Eddie saying the firehouse feels wrong because Buck is not there and having Buck with a full leg cast fighting Maddie that he needs to be there for Eddie's ceremony, a ceremony that has a slow mo shot of them hugging if I'm not supposed to look at season 2 and go huh? and question the direction they are going with them?

[henwilsonmd]

post 5x10: buck feels like eddie just swung a two-by-four at what was left of his stability.

picks up right after 5x10 because eddie can't just say things like that and expect me not to immediately do a deep dive into buck's mental state

1090 words

“What?” It comes out weak, it trails off at the end. It feels like there’s a bubble around Buck’s ears.

Eddie sighs, but his shoulders don’t move. His hands are in his coat pockets. His back is ramrod straight. “Christopher already lost his mom. And—I need to be there.” Eddie swallows, and Buck watches his Adam’s apple bob with the movement. “So, I’m leaving.”

Buck squeezes the stupid Santa hat in his hands, felt catching on his clammy palms. He can feel Ravi looking at him.

Hen shifts, next to him. “Eddie—are—are you sure? I mean, this is—” “I already talked to Bobby.” Hen’s jaw clicks shut. There’s laughter, from behind them, and Buck thinks about how just fifteen minutes ago he was crouched behind Christopher, sipping hot chocolate and smiling and feeling like his heart was filled with helium while he watched the way Chris’ eyes crinkled just like Eddie’s did.

The hot cocoa feels like it’s curdled in his stomach.

“The LAFD doesn’t require a two-week notice, so—it’s effective immediately.”

What was the last thing they did on shift yesterday? What was their last call? What was the last thing Buck said to Eddie as they changed out of their uniforms, as they walked to the parking lot, shoulders brushing? (Did Eddie already know he was leaving, then?)

“Eddie…” Ravi wrings his hands. He looks at Buck again, then steps forward. “You’re—I mean, this is unexpected, but—you’re an incredible guy. It’s been really great working with you.”

Eddie smiles, his eyes don’t wrinkle, and Buck wants to scream. “You too, man.” He claps a hand on Ravi’s shoulder.

Ravi nods. “I’ll see you around, I guess?”

“Yeah, for sure,” Eddie replies, and it sounds like a lie, it looks like a lie. It’s not even a good one—Ravi hesitates, for a minute, and he looks back at Hen. He nods, imperceptible, and then he leaves.

Eddie looks at the ground before he looks back up at Buck and Hen. He grimaces. “I’m—sorry to spring this on you guys.”

Hen blows out a breath. “I mean, I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not upset.” Eddie nods. His eyes flick to Buck. (Buck hasn’t looked away, yet.) “But, Eddie…” She clasps her hands in front of her chest. “We love you. We just want you to be happy.” Hen opens her arms, palms facing up, plaintive. “Are you gonna be happy, if you do this?”

There’s no response, but the answer comes anyway, reverberates around and around like they’re in an echo chamber. Buck knows all three of them can hear it.

Eddie clears his throat. His eyes find Buck, imploring, asking for something. Buck doesn’t know how to begin deciphering what exactly that something is. “Bobby said he can probably get me started as a fire marshal, for a bit, just while I’m finding other work. Guess I’ll get to give you a taste of your own medicine.”

And maybe it’s the reminder of that time in his life, or the image of Eddie in a uniform that isn’t blue, or the thought of working with Eddie across from him instead of side-by-side, but there’s a flare of anger in Buck, sharp and burning hot like white flame.

He wants to say—So you’re just leaving? He wants to say—Did you even think about what this is gonna do to us? He wants to say—You’re making the wrong call.

But fire that burns too hot lasts for nothing but a blink of an eye. It fizzles out, and Buck just feels cold.

When it comes to Christopher, Buck doesn’t have a say. And this is not about Buck, he won’t make this about himself, this is about Christopher, about Eddie sacrificing himself for his son—by the time Buck gets there, it’s already done.

There’s a lot Buck could say: something like dangerous things happen every day, to anyone, and it’s only going to be worse if I’m not there to have your back, or he could say, Christopher’s not worried because he’s scared, he’s worried because you’re acting like you’re not, or something about how fatherhood isn’t letting your own heart wither for the sake of your child’s, or keeping it beating just to cut it out of your own chest. How it’s supposed to be two hearts, healthy and whole and cradled by gentle hands.

But Buck is not a father—not now and likely not ever, because Taylor doesn’t seem to want or even like kids and Eddie can’t die, not if Buck has anything to say about it, and now Eddie’s removing himself from danger to be a better dad, so—Buck is not a dad and there is nothing he can say. And his hands are not gentle, they are inexperienced and blind and can barely hold his own heart without dashing it on the floor.

Eddie’s eyes are asking for something, and Buck’s fire burns out when he realizes that something is help.

Buck takes two steps forward and pulls Eddie by the shoulders into a full-body hug. Usually, their hugs are quick and accompanied by hearty back-slaps, but Buck puts a hand on the back of Eddie’s head and holds him.

And when Eddie’s hands come up around his back and make desperate fists in his coat, Buck tightens his arms and ducks his head.

“It’s gonna be okay.” His voice is ragged and thick with emotion, and Eddie doesn’t answer with anything but a nod that Buck feels more than sees, but he would hazard a guess that anything Eddie might say would come out much the same.

Eddie is hurting, and broken, and reaching for some solid ground to stand on, and he doesn’t want Buck to fix it. Buck can’t fix it, not really, can’t fix much of anything.

So he takes the icy, jagged pieces of himself deep inside his chest, the pieces that are hurt and lonely and coveting the feeling of betrayal like proof of life, and he feeds them to the greedy, damaged thing that crouches behind his heart and whispers awful thoughts like sweet nothings. (It’s louder than ever, these days.)

Hen’s arms circle around them both, and Eddie’s shoulders jump in what might be a stifled sob. “We’ve got you. We’re still family, no matter what.”

And Buck tries to convince himself that it isn’t a lie, that their family isn’t crumbling before his eyes, like a house with brittle bones.

[hottielindholm]

hey can we get some buddie fic recs? only if you feel like it obviously.

Ok off the bat I’m gonna tag people I read from every time they post smth @evanbucxley @hmslusitania @littlespooneven @fangkinkdiaz @cinematicnomad @finduilasclln @evcndiaz @werewolfdiaz @vampirebuckley

★ underneath my scars by woodchoc_magnum

Post 5x01 "Panic", in which Eddie struggles with his panic attacks, Buck helps him through it, and they find their way to each other.

★ Strong and Able by middyblue (daisyblaine)

Or, things Buck has made: a bench; a cutting board; a skateboard; a safe home; a dinner; a family.

Kicks and Giggles by alexmercer

“The laughing gas,” Buck moaned, sounding mortified. “Please don’t tell me I did anything illegal.” Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Do you usually do illegal things on laughing gas?” “I stole a dog once,” Buck admitted. “Ah. Then it’s a good thing I told you that we couldn’t stop to pet every single dog we saw.” ~ While still under the effects of laughing gas after a trip to the dentist, Buck ends up running his mouth a bit and saying a few things he might have normally kept to himself, much to everyone's amusement and Eddie's delight.

look into your heart and you'll find love by soyxunxperdedor

It starts after Eddie’s Abuela breaks her hip.

Not an auspicious start, and certainly not a sexy one, but after Buck introduces him to Carla he’s so damn grateful he barely waits for the door to shut behind her before he’s crowding Buck up against the kitchen counter and dropping to his knees.

-or-

Eddie falls into a friends with benefits relationship with Buck, and then he just keeps falling.

The Heart of Christmas by elless

After coming out to his parents doesn’t go well for Eddie, Buck is determined to give him the perfect Christmas.

★ I Hate Accidents (Except When We Went From Friends to This) by morganofthefairies

“You should just move in,” Eddie said one night.  They were already laying in bed, Buck’s face half-buried in his pillow.

“Where would I sleep, Eddie,” Buck deadpanned, sleep heavy in his voice.

“Here,” Eddie said, not entirely sure how Buck missed that part.  “The same place you’ve been sleeping.”

Bobby raised an eyebrow when Buck updated his address on all of the necessary paperwork, but Eddie wasn’t entirely sure what the big deal was.

~~~~~~~

Buck and Eddie had always been unconventional. Neither of them gave it much thought – they were just them. Buck and Eddie - partners, best friends, co-parents – just as entangled in each other’s lives as any actual couple in the 118.

Or, the story of how Buck and Eddie went about their relationship in entirely the wrong order.

Without You, I'll Never Be Home by The_Forgotten_Nobody

“Right, well…” Eddie rubs the back of his head. “If you want, you’re free to spend the night at ours. I know you’re probably gonna be tired still and I thought that, uh, it might be nice. It didn’t seem right letting you go home alone after everything you did.”

-

After the tsunami, Eddie invites Buck to stay with him and Christopher.

★ Two Minutes For Roughing by ok_thanks

They trade for a winger after Buck’s second season. When he walks into the dressing room a few days later, Buck freezes in his place.

Chim and Bobby are huddled in the corner, openly staring from their stalls.

“Who the hell is that?”

Bobby simply shrugs. “Eddie Diaz. New winger out of Dallas.”

or: the hockey AU that literally NO ONE asked for

How to Find Home by wilddragonflying

Inspired by this post on tumblr

Buck's been on his own since before he joined the 118; never really had a territory, never had a pack, but that changes the day he meets Eddie Diaz.

It just takes a while for them to realize it, that's all.

5 'platonic' terms of endearment (+1 that definitely means more) by coupe_de_foudre

“Shut up, darling, it’s nothing. Now get gone, my son is waiting to hear how the pirates found the purple dinosaur.” He laughs again before pulling his phone away from his ear, hanging up the call with an achingly soft smile at his screen.

Ana chews her lip, looking away.

Is it weird that her boyfriend has never called her ‘darling’ but calls his best friend that?

We Really Should Stop Meeting Like This by GeraskierIsCuteNGL

Buck doesn't know how much time passes before he hears his door opening, Eddie calling out his name in search of him. Buck reluctantly gives away his location, heart in his ass as Eddie ascends the steps. He can practically hear the raising of Eddie's eyebrows when he takes in the spectacle. Buck tries to turn his head to catch a glimpse of him but it feels too much like he's pulling a muscle.

"I'd say this isn't what it looks like, but I don't think anyone would believe me," Buck says, laughing to fend off the heat in his cheeks.

"So this is what you meant by stuck. Honestly, I was expecting to come in and see you halfway in the washer because you got curious enough to see if you could fit."

In all fairness, that's something Buck has done before.

"Surprise?"

★ how to peel oranges by iphigenias

“Buck?” Eddie’s voice is scratchy when he answers the phone and Buck instantly regrets calling. He pulls it away from his ear, notes the time in the top left corner—1:47, fuck.

“Shit, sorry,” he says. “I didn’t even think about the time. Just—forget it, Eds, fuck.”

“Hey.” Eddie’s voice is still rough but clearer, more distinct. “I’m awake now so tough shit, tell me what’s going on.”

Buck laughs, humourlessly. His legs are tangled and sweaty in his sheets and it’s definitely too hot to be wearing sweats and socks to bed but he can’t bring himself to move. He swipes at the damp on his forehead. “What do you think?”

There’s a pause. “Do you wanna tell me what it was about?”

“Not really.”

“Okay.” On the other end of the line there’s some rustling, like Eddie’s getting out of bed, then a yawn. Buck takes the sound and tucks it in between his palms, a benediction. “Do you wanna hear about Chris’ book report?”

*

Five conversations Buck and Eddie have on the phone + one time they hang up.

Sweet Summer Heat by waywardrenegades

It’s July in LA, there’s a heatwave, and Buck is fucking upset.

★ Actually, Truly by MilenaDaniels

Isabel calls to tell them Eddie's been shot on a Thursday afternoon and by lunch on Friday Helena and Ramon are landing at LAX. When they land, they learn Eddie's already home recovering and has been for two weeks.

----

Or, Helena (and Ramon) tries to find a way back into Eddie's life and doesn't know what to make of finding Buck around every corner she turns.

Diaz Family Dinner: Spaghetti Thursday Edition firstdegreefangirl

“Know what we’re making tonight, kiddo?” Buck stands back up, ruffling Chris’ hair, but Eddie doesn’t think he’s been spotted yet. He’s not trying to hide, but he stays in the doorway, lingering on the edges of the moment until he’s taken it all in.

“Yeah, it’s Thursday,” Chris rolls his eyes, like it’s the most obvious answer in the world, and Eddie tries not to laugh at Buck’s affronted expression. “We’re making spaghetti!”

Buck is the catalyst for the latest Diaz family tradition. Helpful that he's part of the family, before any of them realize just how much.

The Long Road to Boning by redinblack

Happy weewoo day, everyone, here's a fic that I wrote to help me get through the last 3 days of waiting. It was supposed to be pure smut, but apparently I'm incapable of not giving context (of like 5k words).

Have fun. (No cheating and no character bashing happens in this fic. Ana and Taylor are both out of the picture before Buddie happens.)

[buckleyblueyes]

ahh that's amazing! thank you in advance. I got this idea into my head: what if there is this one time they're all on a call, and maybe it's something that hits a little too close to home for Buck, maybe it's playing on his fears and insecurities, but the moment Buck sees what they're dealing with he gets SCARED, and freezes, and subconsciously grabs Eddie's hand, because Eddie makes him feel safe. He is his best friend (who he's in love with, ofc) after all. Eddie is well. Surprised. Very much.

Anon! Thank you so much for your patience with this one! I know it's been ages since you sent it in. I hope it's worth the wait and that I did justice to your prompt! (CW: drowning)

Eddie feels Buck tense up beside him as soon as Bobby tells them where they're going: Splash Zone Water Park. They have calls to pools fairly often, and Buck always gets a little bit tense going into it, no matter how long it’s been since the tsunami. Eddie presses his knee against Buck’s in the truck, offering a silent comfort to his friend. Buck seems to push down his fears by the time they pull up to the scene, forcing himself to shift into Firefighter Buckley mode as they make their way through the park. Eddie lets himself be relieved, until they arrive in front of the wave pool.

Of course it’s the goddamn wave pool. Even worse, there’s a nine year old boy laid out on the stone patio next to the pool, dripping wet, brown hair plastered to his forehead. He’s unconscious, bleeding from the side of his head, and his chest isn't rising and falling like it should be. Buck freezes immediately at the sight, reaching out for Eddie with his right hand, and wrapping his fingers around Eddie’s left wrist. It takes Eddie a moment to realize that Buck is feeling for his pulse, grounding himself.

Eddie does his best to steady his breathing and heart rate once he realizes what Buck is doing. The sight in front of them is upsetting to him, of course it is, but he knows it’s worse for Buck. He’s not the one who walked around for hours not knowing if Christopher was dead or alive. He’s not the one who almost died himself (at least, not that day.) “It’s okay,” he murmurs quietly, so only Buck can hear. “I’m here, I’m alive. That’s not Christopher.” It’s purely a medical call at this point, so he makes no attempt to move away from Buck as Hen and Chimney begin administering CPR to the boy. His mother is crying, wailing, begging them to save him. His lips are turning blue. Buck’s grip on Eddie’s wrist is like a vice.

“We got a pulse!” Hen finally calls out.

Buck’s grip doesn’t loosen, but Eddie does hear him let out of a heavy breath. He twists his hand out of Buck’s grip just enough that he can slide his arm up, so Buck is no longer holding his wrist, but is holding his hand. He gives Buck’s hand a firm squeeze and finally hazards a glance up at the man in question. Buck is staring at their intertwined hands now, confused. At least, Eddie decides, he’s distracted from the drowning boy. He runs his thumb along the back of Buck’s hand, in what he hopes is a comforting gesture.

He knows they’re crossing some kind of line here, that hand holding in the middle of an emergency scene (even one where their presence turned out not to be strictly necessary) is not something that he’ll be able to brush off as strictly platonic. It doesn’t scare him like it used to, though. Maybe it’s because he watched Buck date Taylor, so he knows how much worse it would be to not have Buck, or maybe it’s all the therapy he’s been in since the shooting. Either way, Eddie’s not afraid anymore. He and Buck have been on the edge of something--or maybe everything--for months, so if holding Buck’s hand will help ground him, keep his mind from thrusting him back in time, then it’s a risk Eddie is willing to take.

Hen and Chimney are loading the boy into the ambulance--he is breathing again, still unconscious and probably severely concussed, but alive--when Bobby finally makes his way over to them. He takes in the haunted look in Buck’s eyes, and the fact that their hands are still tightly clasped together, and frowns.

“You boys alright?” He asks, but he’s looking at Buck.

Buck nods slowly. “I--Yeah. Just...Brought up some bad memories.”

“This was a rough one,” Bobby agrees. “I’m gonna take us off rotation for a while when we get back to the station.”

“Thanks, Cap,” Eddie says. Buck doesn’t say anything.

Bobby smiles in that warm, fatherly way of his, looking between them. “Take care of each other.”

As if there’s any universe where they wouldn’t.

Eddie doesn’t let go of Buck’s hand until they get back to the station, and only because he needs two hands to cook.

“I’m not hungry,” Buck says, still hovering in Eddie’s space.

“You were about to eat before the call came in,” Eddie insists gently. “You need to eat.”

“And you’re gonna cook for me?” Buck shakes his head. “I think I’ll take my chances with starvation.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, pulling out a griddle and a clean spatula. “I think I can handle grilled cheese, Buck.”

Buck’s mouth opens and closes in surprise. “Grilled cheese?”

“Maddie may have mentioned making it for you a lot growing up.” Eddie flushes slightly at having to admit he’s talked to Maddie about Buck. “I thought it would be comforting.”

Buck stares at him, eyes wide and mouth turning up into a tentative smile. “Yeah, it is.”

“Good,” Eddie smiles back. “Now, go sit down.”

Eddie bustles about the kitchen, pulling out the good buttermilk bread that Chimney always buys instead of the whole wheat bread that Bobby puts on the list, the pre-sliced cheddar cheese, and the butter. “After we eat, how about we video call Christopher?” It’s late in the afternoon, he’ll be home from school by now.

Buck lets out a long exhale. “Yes, please.”

Eddie flips the bread slices on the griddle and places the cheese slices on the toasted side. “Great.”

“I--” Buck starts. “I didn’t know how to ask.”

Eddie looks up from the sandwiches. “How to ask for what?”

“To talk to Christopher,” Buck draws patterns on the tabletop with his index finger. “I know I’m not--He’s not mine.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything at first, just plates up the sandwiches, brings them over to the table, and sits down next to Buck, who takes a small, tentative bite.

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“What?”

“You said Christopher isn’t yours,” Eddie picks up his sandwich, but doesn’t bite into it. “I don’t think that’s true.”

Buck is staring at him again, confused.

“Look, I don’t know what we are anymore, Buck,” Eddie admits. “Things are different between us now, and I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know that you love Christopher, and that he loves you just as much. If that doesn’t give you a right to call him, to reassure yourself that he’s okay, then I don’t know what does.”

“I…” Buck’s eyes fill with tears.

"It's okay, Buck." Eddie reaches over to wipe Buck's tears with his thumb. “Just eat your grilled cheese."

Buck does as he’s told, making it halfway through the sandwich in three bites. “You know, there’s no law that says we have to wait until we finish eating to call Christopher.”

Eddie raises a skeptical eyebrow, looking up from his own half-eaten lunch. “Will you actually finish eating if we call now?”

“Absolutely.” Buck takes a big bite to prove his point. “See?” He says, through a mouthful of food. Something so childish shouldn’t be so endearing, and yet, somehow it is.

Helpless, Eddie pulls out his phone. Carla answers on the second ring. “You better have a good reason for interrupting math homework.”

“I do.” Eddie assures her. “Can you put Chris on?”

Carla gives him a look, but does as he asks. Christopher is grinning--probably excited to have his math homework interrupted “Hi, Dad!”

“Hey, kid.” Eddie can’t help but return his son’s smile. “How’s the math homework going?”

Christopher’s smile falters slightly. “Oh, it’s good.”

Somehow Eddie doesn’t totally believe that, but it’s not important now. “Listen, I’ve got somebody here who wants to say ‘hi’, is that okay?”

The boy’s smile comes back even wider than before. “Is it Buck?”

“Yeah,” Buck says, loud enough that the phone can catch it. “It’s me.”

“Hand the phone to Buck, Dad!” Christopher is bouncing with excitement. “Hand the phone to Buck!”

He does, scooching his chair closer so he can still see the screen himself, and before Buck can even greet Christopher, the kid is launching into a monologue.

“Buck! Dr. Lassiter assigned us a big, semester-long project for science class, can you pleeeaaase help me with it? I want to build a model of the solar system, but it has to be totally accurate.”

The tension Buck's body has been holding onto since the phrase “water park” fell from Bobby’s lips is finally starting to fade.

“Absolutely. Do we want it to move?”

Christopher’s eyes widen on screen. “Yes!”

Buck laughs. “Well then, we’ve got our work cut out for us.”

Eddie smiles softly, as Buck and Christopher begin planning their project. He knows he must look like a lovesick fool, but to be fair, that’s what he is. He rests one hand over the crook of Buck’s elbow, and doesn’t miss the pink that appears across his cheeks.

“Alright, you three,” that’s Carla’s voice, “Somebody still has math homework to finish, and I’m sure you boys will have to get back to work soon.”

Eddie sighs. Carla is right, unfortunately. But Buck looks lighter than he has all day. “We better do what Carla says.”

“Will you come over after work?” Christopher asks. They won't get off until after Christopher will already be at school, so Buck will probably go to his loft after work. But Eddie doesn’t doubt now that Christopher has asked, Buck will manage to make it over to their house by the time Christopher is home from school. He wonders if it's too soon to ask Buck to sleep in his bed, instead of going to his loft at all. It's yet another line to cross, but at this point Eddie's lost track of all the lines they've crossed.

“You bet,” is Buck’s answer. “Now get back to your math!”

“Okay, dad,” Christopher says, rolling his eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm. It’s meant to be a joke at Buck’s expense, but Eddie can see the breath catching in Buck’s throat all the same, so he pulls the phone from his hand and takes over.

“Good-bye, Christopher! We love you!”

“Bye Dad! Bye Buck! I love you guys, too.”

Buck finds his voice again. “Bye Superman!”

“So,” Eddie says, putting the phone down. “Do you feel better now?”

“Eddie…” Buck hesitates, dropping his hand down so it rests over Eddie’s. His skin is warm and rough and unlike earlier Eddie can actually enjoy the feeling. “Thank you.” He’s thanking Eddie for more than just the grilled cheese and the phone call, and Eddie knows it.

His answer is simple. He turns his hand over, and interlocks their fingers. “Always, Buck.”

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Next theme is “Protect The Kids!” The threats might be very different (sexist post-apocalyptic wannabe warlords vs a grandmother who can’t learn to back off and stop belittling her son’s parenting) but I think the theme still works :p

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟 (YOU GO KAREN YOU BLOW THEM UP!!!! Love that for her! And loving that the whole family (and taylor :p) are reunited! Also I’m really enjoying the whole ‘zombies are dying out so how is the world gonna look now’ element. It’s such an interesting direction for this story!)

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️ (their baby girl is almost here! And Helena Back Off I will beat your ass you’re already on thin ice with me from 🌲 (yeah I’m so mad at her in that story that it’s bleeding over into this one) (and from canon lol that too) leave eddie alone! And eddie fight through your insecurities and lean on your husband and know that I believe in you sweetie!)

- PCA <3

OH LOVE THIS THEME!

69 for 🧟 (YEAH KAREN! And thank you! I wanted something a little different because I didn't want to get bored with just writing zombies the whole time. I didn't think I could make it as fun as my beloved zombie game of youth, Left 4 Dead.)

---

Then Athena flew with the concept. Which only makes sense. Buck doesn’t think anyone in their original little core group could come up with something quite so… Intense. And that’s including Karen’s bomb idea. Fuck, that was brilliant. 

The moment the second bomb goes off, Athena and Taylor set into motion. They’ve roped Bobby into it, too.

“All you two need to do is stand behind us with your guns and look intimidating,” Athena says to Buck and Eddie. Buck’s not sure he can do the second part, but he can definitely do the first. 

Chim’s on the roof covering them, if anything happens. Hen is going to check on Karen and Maddie. Shannon and Abby are staying with the kids. Everything is covered. All Buck has to do is act the part while Taylor and Athena pull off the rest. Because of Karen’s brilliance, Buck thinks they’re in the clear. He thinks they’re safe. 

The five of them walk around the back of the building to where the sole surviving intruder is dragging himself away towards his vehicle. He’s crying and shaking. Buck would sort of feel bad, if the guy hadn’t been here to steal the kids. He doesn’t know the others very well, but anyone trying to steal Denny away from his moms? Yeah, Buck wants them to hurt. 

As instructed, Buck and Eddie pretty much stand there silently, looking - maybe? - tough with their guns as the other three approach the guy. Taylor walks around behind him and steps on the back of his leg, pinning him in place. He cries out a little. Buck wonders if he hurt himself when he fell.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Taylor asks. 

“P-please,” the man moans. “Let me go!”

“Would you have let our children go?” Athena asks. 

The man’s jaw clenches. He’s young. Younger than Buck, even. Early twenties, for sure. Buck can’t tell if he’s furious or terrified. Probably both. 

“I’m sure you came looking for your friends,” Athena continues. “Sal? And the old guy?”

He glares dark, angry eyes at her. 

“We killed them,” Bobby says. “Just like your friends here today.”

It surprises Buck, how stonily Bobby is able to say it. That they killed people. Four people. That’s not an insignificant number. Buck killed zero of those people. But he still feels sort of surreal about all of it. They’re just blowing people up now. 

“Just like we might do to you,” Taylor adds with a smirk.

She’s a little too into this, Buck thinks. But just a little. These guys are pretty creepy. 

“Or, we might not,” Athena says. And this is where Taylor’s idea comes into play. “What’s your name?”

The young man narrows his eyes. Like he’s not sure what she has to gain by asking this. 

“You can say it,” Athena presses. “What are we going to do? Google you?”

“Matthew,” he relents. “Sparks.”

“Matthew Sparks,” Athena nods. “That’s a good name. A strong name.”

He rolls his eyes. 

---

96 for ⚡️(YEAH I AM MAD AT HELENA TOO AND IT'S BLEEDING INTO ALL MY STORIES!):

---

He needs to not put himself, or his family, in positions where she has that kind of power over him. He might not be giving into what she wants, but she certainly still gets in his head. He loves his mother. He thinks for the most part the way she is is motivated by an overbearing, stubborn sort of love. A grating sort of love. He doesn’t want her not to know her granddaughter. 

Helena doesn’t have this exact dynamic with Sophia, though. Not the way she has with Eddie, and to a lesser extent, Adriana. Sophia has been pragmatic and firm and never needed the same amount of help. And that’s the difference, right? Eddie had needed his parents. Shannon had needed them. They didn’t have their shit together when Chris was born, or any time soon after, and they needed Ramon and Helena’s help. 

Eddie doesn’t need help now, though. He hasn’t in years. He can set whatever sort of boundaries he wants. What would the consequences even be? It’s no longer the family versus him. Eddie is the one with the family. He can walk away from her barbed words, if she chooses to keep using them. 

He waits until the nursery is done before calling her again. It feels wise to wait. Let the anger and the anxiety burn out of him. Use his hands for something good and productive. Which is basically just letting Buck order him around under threat of a wet paintbrush to the backside. But whatever. He has a good time helping Buck create the space where their daughter will very soon sleep. 

So he calls his mother in early October. When everything is ready. When their baby is almost here. When all that’s left for them to do is make sure they are as mentally prepared as possible. And for Eddie, that’s going to have to mean making this call. Whether he wants to or not. 

“Eddie?” Helena answers, nervous edge to her voice. “It’s… It’s good to hear from you.”

It’s been weeks since those last exchanged words. Eddie hasn’t even sent her a text. Not that she deserved one. 

“Hey, Mom,” he replies. He’s sitting on the floor in the center of the nursery. There’s a perfectly good chair off to the side. But he finds this is where he’s drawn to sitting. 

“Um, is everything okay with the baby? Is she coming early?” 

“No, no. Everything is fine. I’m just… Well, I need to talk to you.”

“Oh? Okay, then. About what?” 

Eddie swallows. Preparing himself. 

“Okay, well… I was pretty unhappy with how our last conversation went. About the baby.”

“Honestly, Eddie? I wasn’t pleased either.”

Eddie grits his teeth. He wasn’t happy because she pressed on an old, unfair wound. She wasn’t happy because he told her no. It’s really not the same. 

“Alright, well… I just wanted to say it’s not going to happen again, Mom.” 

“You’ve changed your mind about the visit?” She asks. 

“No. We’re still not hoping to have any guests for the first while after she’s born. That’s not what I meant.”

Helena sighs. “What did you mean, then?” 

“I meant, you aren’t going to pull that on me again,” Eddie says. 

“Excuse me?” 

“I know you know what I mean,” Eddie says. “The guilt trip? Reminding me of my past fuck ups? I don’t need that anymore, Mom. And it’s not… It’s not going to work.”

“Eddie, you’re being-”

“No, I’m not. I’m not being anything. I’m just telling you. I don’t deserve it and I won’t have my children being a… A pawn between you and I anymore.”

“That’s a cruel accusation, Eddie.” 

“Mmm,” Eddie nods, despite her not being able to see him. “And yet, it felt like something I really needed to say.”

She makes a frustrated, helpless noise. If she and his father were still together, here’s where Ramon would jump in and take her side. They’d gang up on him. She doesn’t have that option this time. She can listen to Eddie, or she can choose to ignore him. Either way, he’s not the one who loses most. 

“Is this an ultimatum, Edmundo? Go along with everything you say and never give you any feedback or you cut me off from those kids?”