#and when they shouldn’t (even though that will be bad also)

[crazy-ache]

WIP Snippet - Elucien Body Swap

Thank you @olenvasynyt for making this graphic for me! ₊₊₊₊ Lucien’s mechanical eye whirred more frantically and erratically at the emerald jeweled necklace than he could ever recall in his long, immortal lifespan. It was thrumming and covered in a spiderweb of spells, though through his russet eye, he could see it sit plainly as any other piece of jewelry would in Elain’s small hand. 

“Who could throw such a thing away?” 

He wasn’t used to her asking questions of him. He wasn’t used to the pleasantry of conversations with his mate. Yet it wasn’t nerves churning in his stomach. 

“Lady, you really shouldn’t touch that,” Lucien cleared his throat, nervously stepping toward her. “I have a bad feeling about—“

He watched as Elain looked into the hallway mirror and held the strange necklace up in the air as if to place it upon her perfect neck. 

“No!” He couldn’t restrain himself. It reeked of curses and ancient spells. To hell with manners and their long-standing history of stilted, distant propriety.

Instinct had him lurch forward, reaching for her shoulder to prevent her from putting it on. 

When his hand found her skin, the last thing he saw was her reflection in the mirror—wide, surprised brown eyes staring right at him and her gaping mouth parted as if to shout his name. 

He never did hear her shout it. 

The buzz of unfamiliar, tingling magic encapsulated them both, starting from the necklace itself, then traveled up her delicate arm to the place his fingertips joined her shoulder. A gold dusting spread all along their bodies. As it happened, it seemed to grip them both in place from where they stood and breathed—not a single hair on their heads even moved. A single heartbeat later and the magic released them. 

Lucien went tumbling back, careening into a coatrack. From the loud crash he heard, the force must have also sent Elain falling backward. The necklace clattered on the spot where they had just stood, its magic no longer emanating, leaving it seemingly ordinary and lifeless. 

“What just happened?” 

Lucien heard his shaky voice ask. 

Only he had not spoken. He had not even opened his mouth. 

Pushing himself up on his elbows, he snapped his head up. Wide, mismatched orbs met his gaze from across the floor. His eyes met him. That was his molten red hair spilling on the floor as his body pushed itself up to a sitting position. Panic surged through him, extinguishing his inner fire like a bucket of ice cold water. Lucien nearly broke his neck to look down at himself because what the actual fuck—

Those were definitely Elain’s breasts where his chest was supposed to be located. He wasn’t proud to admit he did in fact know what they looked like even if they barely made eye contact in the past few years. Her long locks of curled hair came into his view and her thin hands trembled as he tried to breathe. 

He clumsily jumped to his feet, not used to the lightness of her petite frame. Elain followed and they both peered into the hanging mirror at the same time. His mate’s face was staring back at him. He touched her smooth face with the hesitant pad of his fingertips. Next to him, Elain did the same, her now large, broad hands slapping his cheeks, like this was just a bad dream and she simply needed to wake up.

He was inside Elain’s body. 

And not in a good way. 

Which meant Elain was inside him—

He cringed as the loudest, most blood-curdling scream pierced the hallway. Lucien had never heard himself sound so terrified before, and he certainly hadn’t known his voice could reach such a high octave in range. Which meant Elain had figured it out as well.

Elain held his hair in her hands as if it were the most offensive creature to ever touch her. His own heart was thundering in his chest. Well, technically it was Elain’s chest. It felt as if he couldn’t find the air because these lungs did not belong to him. The unsettling realization made the room spin. 

Oh, Cauldron boil him.

They had switched bodies. 

[gortashs-skidmark]

I heard some podcasters talk about mouthwashing and yea yeah yeah great game but they didn’t understand why Polle was chasing Jimmy. They hated the horse sequence bc they didn’t get it.

I feel like the corporate greed aspect plays in a lot but it’s not an overbearing theme. That rep wasn’t even overbearing but it played a good rep of what Jimmy felt.

Jimmy does not treat Anya like a person. He doesn’t feel guilty about what he did to her, he only feels guilty for the consequences. he’s only worried about her baby which he hallucinates as a horse amalgamation.

He’s more worried about his job, than his actual actions.

Polle is a representation of the company. Polle trails him in a scene you play out, Jimmy is only worried about himself and what the company will do to his career. No matter if the job is already going to end at the end of the expedition because freighters like the Tulpar are going out of service. No matter if he took the job of captain but can’t even use the control pads. No matter if he got what he wanted from curly and curly suffers and is now seen as an object that’s just barely surviving. (The ableism of the game is a whole other post away) If he’s labeled as someone who abandoned a kid, out of wedlock, had an accident, it could ruin his chances of a “normal” life. No one really says “you raped her, Jimmy” but he knows. And they know.

He didn’t have the axe, and I feel like curly kinda made sure of it by giving it to Swansea. Anya knew who he was deep down and that was destructive of others and himself. Curly let him do his own thing to make it better which was destroying part of the ship. And curly only realized the full extent of Jimmy’s monstrous personality which made Curly suffer. Anya knew the extent. And now they both suffered.

I’ve dated men who are scared of having their careers ruined with allegations but they are not the men who are assaulting anyone. Though, these same men hate it when I say “I hate men” and they say “not all men” and I say “can you show empathy instead of making it about yourself?” (Not actually but I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain myself) I shouldn’t have to explain that it doesn’t apply to you.

It’s like saying

“I hate pitbulls”

“Not all pitbulls are bad”

“But my experience with a pitbull was bad”

(This is not true, just an example. I love pittie breeds, one of my fav. But I wouldn’t invalidate someone who had a bad experience with the breed. Just listen and validate them for how they feel, their own journey is their own journey)

Jimmy wanted power so bad. He wanted what he thought he saw Curly getting, which was unwavering respect. Jimmy only had an idea of how he wanted to be treated. He didn’t know how to get respect, we see this with Daisuke’s “Yimpy” drawing. He’s a joke, he’s too self serious, he’s antisocial. Curly is his friend because curly puts up with him, which enables all of his behavior. He’s not teaching Jimmy anything. Jimmy had that hate love friendship bc of curly who wasn’t self loathing or instigating competition with Jimmy for who was better or more miserable.

Curly under the grates and gazing at him. Curly is under him, and haunts him. He doesn’t escape his own actions. And Polle will see that. The company will look at all his actions and will not say “good job” and Jimmy knows.

That also plays a theme of “you cannot love or be friends with someone who hates themselves” because ultimately at some point they will resent their other half. A much smaller thing to get out of mouthwashing but you know.

Swansea was not happy with his life, and neither was Daisuke, but they didn’t blame themselves for being unhappy. They didn’t blame others either. Their own problems were their own. Swansea even celebrated his sobriety with shoes instead of self loathing, getting yourself a treat is self love.

[joonsmagicshop]

Faking It- Chapter Three

Summary: When you first met Namjoon you never expected he would ghost you for a month due to his own clumsiness. You also never expected him to walk into your café and ask you to be his fill in girlfriend at his cousins wedding.

Pairing: Namjoon/Reader.

Word Count: 4k

Rating: M- Mature themes

Tags: Angst, small disagreement between Y/N and Tae. Jimin is hilarious and I adore him, flirting over text, suggestive themes

Author Note: taetae my beloved! Also you cannot tell me drunk Joon wouldn't be a master flirt

*message me if you want to be added to the taglist*

Masterlist for this fic

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You ended up telling Taehyung what happened five days later.

You didn’t mean to keep it from him for so long but with the cafe being closed Monday and Tuesday and him being out with friends most of the weekend you hardly had time to sit down and have a conversation about it

Tae’s Teas had been pretty dead today so you decided to take your time and deep clean all the tables and chairs. Jimin and Jungkook had just gotten back from a supply run and were restocking the back and Taehyung was standing at the counter chin propped up on his hand as he stared around the cafe looking bored.

It didn’t help that all the previous snow had melted and everything was back to grey cloudy skies. Sleet was falling today, instead of blanketing the world in a beautiful white it just made everyone more miserable as they pulled their hoods over their head to ward off the slushy chill.

“So Y/N how did it go with Namjoon?” Taehyung asked eyebrow quirked as you froze in spot, rag hanging in midair.

Not that you didn’t expect him to ask, of course he would, you just were unsure how he would end up reacting.

“Uh, it went well. He and I are good now. We’ve been texting.” You respond trying to keep your voice light as you move to the other table and pull out the chairs, grabbing your broom and sweeping up all the crumbs that seem to accumulate out of nowhere.

After your date, Namjoon texted you to make sure you got home safe. From there you started to get to know each other. Questions about how your day went or what book you were currently reading were the new normal as the both of you texted almost all day every day. Namjoon said that the best way to convince everyone that you were dating was to know the little things about each other, so you were taking it slow

“What about the wedding? You told him no right?” Taehyung questioned as you let out a sigh and stopped sweeping. You placed both your hands on the broom handle as if it would be able to support your weight as you turned to look at Taehyung.

“Well, not exactly…” You mused as Taehyung’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Y/N you didn’t! You didn’t agree to it?” He begged as you shot him a shy smile and he let out a groan.

“I told you not to! I told you it was a bad idea why did you say yes?” He stressed, standing upright as you made your way over to him sweeping as you went.

“He apologized for what he did. And I don’t see why I shouldn’t go.” You respond as you set the broom by the serving counter and eye Taehyung.

“Because he is a stranger. You don’t know him. Not really.” Tae argues.

“Wait till you find out the wedding is in the mountains.” You tease as his jaw opens in shock and his brown eyes are wide in surprise.

“So a stranger proposed for you to be his date for a wedding? High up in the mountains? Y/N this sounds like the start of a murder mystery book!” He warned.

“Why does it have to be him? Why can’t it be someone like Jungkook? Or Jimin? We know them. We know they are decent human beings.”

You stare at Taehyung

“Uh well, Tae because Jungkook is like a little brother to me and Jimin….”

That night was still fresh in your mind even though it had now been over a month since it had happened.

It was one hell of a day at work and Taehyung invited everyone to come back to the apartment to hang out. Jungkook already had plans with his parents but Jimin was game so the three of you piled in Taehyung’s truck and headed home.

The booze was flowing as you and Tae sat on the couch and Jimin took up residence on the floor surrounded by pillows and blankets. Even though you had a perfectly good loveseat he could sit in he chose to sit near Taehung’s feet.

It was right after Namjoon had ghosted you and you spent the night passing around a bottle and talking about how people were trash.

Eventually, Taehyung ordered food and told the two of you to stay put as he had to head down to pay the delivery driver.

You were more than happy to stay in your PJs under your blanket so you both waved as Taehyung left the living room staggering slightly.

“Should one of us go with him?” Jimin asked, eyes glassy and voice slightly slurred as you grabbed your claw clip and clipped up all your hair. All the alcohol was making you hot but the blanket was too cozy to push off.

“Nah he’s Tae he got this.” You said smiling down at Jimin.

“I’m surprised he even let Namjoon give you his number. I always thought….” he let his voice taper off and you burst out laughing.

“Jimin! You didn’t think Tae and I were a thing did you?” You cackled as Jimin flushed slightly.

“Oh, my sweet Chim he and I are childhood friends. Nothing romantic at all. You're gonna make me barf just thinking about it.” You said swaying slightly as you tried to focus on Jimin’s face.

“So I have a shot then?” He asked in a small voice sounding completely serious and you sat up straighter on the couch, eyes wide.

Jimin wouldn’t look at you, instead his glassy eyes stayed focused on your knees as his cheeks tinged even more pink than they already were.

“I think Taehyung would be very lucky to have you Jimin. Don’t worry about me I’m zero competition. Honest.” You said as you lightly patted his cheeks and you could feel how warm they were from the booze and his confession.

Right when you were about to ask more, Taehyung burst through the door with pizza in hand as you struggled to get off the couch to help.

The next morning you had woken up with a terrible headache but never forgot what Jimin said. You wanted to bring it up but you weren’t sure how, so you just left it for now but you decided to keep a closer eye on the pair.

“Ooo who are we gossiping about?” Jimin teases as he emerges from the kitchen and comes to stand by Taehyung playfully hip-checking him.

“Namjoon.” Taehyung spits as if a bad word is leaving his mouth.

“Oh yes, how is it with Mister Tall and Handsome?” Jimin asks eyes twinkling as he pushes his dark hair from his eyes.

“It’s going good he invited me to a wedding in December as his date…well as his fake girlfriend and I agreed. As you can see Taehyung is just delighted.” You say letting the sarcasm roll off your tongue as Tae shoots you a warning look and Jimin stares at you in shock.

You fill him in on the entire story and when you are done he is grinning at you.

“Wow Y/N that’s so cool. And it’s going to be a big fancy wedding. That’s so cool!” Jimin gushes as Taehyung rolls his eyes.

“You aren’t supposed to encourage it.” He groans as you giggle.

“Come on Tae I know it’s hard but our Y/N… she’s growing up. Kids these days grow up so fast.” Jimin says pretending to sniffle and cry in Taehyung’s shirt which makes Taehyung crack a smile.

“Hey! We are all the same age you know!” You remind Jimin as he stops his act as a customer finally comes in.

Taehyung falls into place taking his order and you make the drink and hand it to him and soon enough it’s empty once again.

“You know what this situation sounds like. A Young Adult Novel? Y/N! You should write a book about this you could make so much money!” Jimin proposes as you burst out laughing.

“Jimin I’m not writing a book about this!”

“Why not! A Tall stranger comes into your coffee shop and offers you his number. Then he messes it up but comes back because now you are invited to a wedding as a fake girlfriend! It’s a classic trope! Is Namjoon a vampire by chance? Or a hot dragon tamer or Fae?” He asks talking a mile a minute in excitement.

“What? Jimin what are you even talking about?” You say holding your stomach as you giggle at his antics.

“That’s what the young adults are into right now. Believe me, my sister had read all the books, and mysterious men who just happen to own dragons are super popular. Does Namjoon have a dragon by chance?” He asks totally serious as Taehyung groans next to him.

“He can hardly handle a cell phone let alone a dragon.” Tae reminds.

“I think he could handle a very small dragon. Like one that would sit in his pocket.” You say ignoring Taehyung as Jimin’s eyes light up.

“Tae you carry around that notebook for a reason! Write this down! Y/N would be the main character and Namjoon could be the handsome lead!” Jimin continues.

“I’m not being a part of this,” Taehyung responds throwing his hands up and stepping backward.

“Jimin I appreciate the support but we are not writing a book about this.” You say as Jimin sticks out his lower lip in a pout and you come over to pull him in for a sideways hug.

“You guys never like my ideas.” He pouts

“Chim the last time you had an idea it was for all of us to work without shirts because the Air Conditioning stopped working.” Taehyung reminded as you snickered into Jimin’s shoulder.

“It was a great idea! We all were sweating anyway and no one came in because it was too hot to be outside.” He argues as Taehyung can’t help but chuckle.

“Okay It’s a slow day so I’m going to head into the office I have some invoices and orders to take care of. Y/N don’t let Jimin have any more crazy ideas today hmm.” He says shooting Jimin a pointed look.

“It’s a great idea Tae! Mysterious strangers are the perfect leading man for any novel.” He states.

“That is one of the reasons I don’t want her going. The man is a stranger and going to take her to the mountains for a wedding. You don’t find that fishy?” He asks throwing his hands up in frustration.

“Tae he and I have been texting. I’ve been getting to know him. Sure I don’t know every little thing about him but I wouldn’t call him a stranger anymore.” You say shooting Taehyung a pleading stare. Why can’t he just be happy for you about all this?

“Tae I get you’re worried but Namjoon seems like an okay guy.” Jimin starts but Taehyung lets out a huff and turns on his heel to walk away. While he doesn’t slam the office door it sure feels like it when you are left alone with Jimin.

“He hates me.” You whine covering your face with your hands and groaning.

“He doesn’t hate you he’s just worried. I’m sure when you talk it out you will be fine. I can help soften him up tonight.” Jimin promises as he rubs your back.

“Tonight? Wait what’s tonight?” You ask.

“He invited Kook and I over for drinks. Kook can’t come because he has some video game thing but I promised I’d come over and bring the booze.”

“Ah.” You respond.

“Listen Y/N about the last time we had a drinking night….” He moves towards you and drops his voice low.

“I remember what I said about Taehyung and I’d very much appreciate it if you don’t tell him what we talked about. He’s my friend and my boss and I have to take it super extra slow and careful. I don’t want to lose him.” Jimin whispers as you shoot him a small smile.

“Your secret is safe with me Chim.”

When you get home Taehyung lets you shower first. You shower as quickly as possible and while you are changing in your room you can hear the shower turn on as Tae must be taking his.

The ride home was tense and you almost wished you hadn’t carpooled today as the whole ride home you stared out the window and Taehyung kept fiddling with the radio dial.

You had to talk to him. To make him understand why you were doing this you also had to know why he was so against it.

You finish blow-drying your hair and put it up in a simple ponytail. You decide to stay comfy tonight so you change out of your blue robe into sweatpants and a fitted sweater.

You hear the bathroom door open and you know your best friend well enough to know he is standing there fully clothed and styling his hair.

You crack open your door to see exactly that, Tae wearing black sweats and a fitted green sweater as he combed through his soaked locks.

“Taetae?” You call stepping out of the room to walk over to him suddenly feeling like a small child heading to your parent’s to tell them you broke something.

“Y/N.” He sighs as you don’t wait for permission, instead you scoot behind him and push the toilet lid down so you can sit atop it watching him work on styling his quick-drying hair.

The bathroom is still humid from both your showers and it makes your sweater stick to your skin as you pull the neck away and try to form words.

“We have to talk about this. I can’t stand not talking to you.” You start as Taehyung shoots you a glace and goes back to styling his hair.

“You know my stance on it. You know I think it’s a bad idea.” He says simply as he finishes with his hair and begins to apply face cream to his skin.

“I know but I want to know why. Both Jimin and Jungkook think he’s a good guy why can’t you?” You keep your voice small as Taehyung rubs the cream in taking his time around his eyes and nose.

“Because they aren’t your best friend Y/N. Because they didn’t watch how you begged and pleaded with your parents to let you come with me. They didn’t see how your eyes lit up when Namjoon gave you his number and how that light dimmed when he never texted you. I told my parents and your parents I would keep you safe and now you are going off with an acquaintance to the mountains for a wedding where you won't know anyone but him. I can’t lose you Y/N. If he turns out to be a psycho killer I can’t stand to lose you. It would break me in every way possible.” He admits not looking at you as he says those words.

You get up and come to stand behind him as you stare at both your reflections in the mirror. Taehyung has worry lines on his forehead and his shoulders are tensed up. You wrap your arms around him and bury your face in his back taking him in.

“Taetae you are my best friend. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I wouldn’t have met Namjoon if it wasn’t for you. You don’t have to like him or trust him but I do and you have to trust me.” You request as Taehyung lets out a sigh and his shoulders droop.

“If he hurts you I might have to kick his ass,” Tae grumbles as you smile against the warmth of his sweater.

“I’ll be sure to tell him.”

You both stand in silence for some time, Taehyung standing still just letting you hug him as you both enjoy the moment. You know Taehyung worries and he had to jump through hoops just to get you both to where you are today and you would never take that for granted. He is your rock, your best friend and you are grateful for everything he has done for you.

“I trust you Y/N. I don’t like it but I’ll respect it.” He finally admits, breaking the silence.

“Thank you, Tae. And thank you for looking out for me but I got this. Pinkie Promise.”

He chuckles as you once again loop pinkies and the air seems to be lighter now that the tension is gone.

You leave to let Tae finish getting ready and take out your phone to let Jimin know everything is fine with you and Taehyung. You also shoot Namjoon a text knowing full well he is out with friends tonight but wanting to tell him to have a good night. You also decide to take a cheeky selfie in the full-length mirror in your room before hitting send.

It was nothing sexy or sensual it was just you in your sweatpants and sweater with a glass of wine cheersing the camera.

Within minutes Namjoon is texting you back and he sends a selfie of his own.

He is wearing a black turtleneck and cheersing the camera with a beer. You nearly spit out your drink and set your wine glass down on your nightstand.

You can’t see his lower half but the black turtleneck clings to his frame as if it was made for him, showing off his broad chest and sculpted arms.

You swallow hard.

You zoom the picture in and swallow harder when you can see how broad and big his chest is and how his biceps flex as he holds the camera.

And his hands

His long fingers curl around the bottle nearly swallowing the neck of it and you feel heat rise to your face

You: You are not playing fair. I was goofy and silly and you look really good.

Namjoon: I don’t know what you’re talking about. You always look good.

You: You know what I mean Namjoon. You look hot and I look…comfy.

Namjoon: If you don’t think you look hot as fuck in those sweatpants then I’m not doing my job as your fake boyfriend.

Your mouth drops and a blush spreads across your cheeks and down your neck.

Namjoon: Sorry when I drink I sometimes get a little bold.

You: It’s okay I don’t mind bold.

You bite your lip in anticipation of his next text as you leave your room to head to the kitchen to start getting things ready.

Namjoon: Well right now I am one drink in and waiting for my friends to come back from the bar and staring at the picture you sent me. You look so good in those sweats. Like seriously you look hot.

You: If this is how one drink Namjoon talks how does multiple drink Namjoon talk? Because I feel like it’s usually custom to have more than one drink at a wedding. Especially being a part of the wedding party and all

Namjoon: At the wedding, I will behave but any other day… Depends. If he is with his friends he is giggly and goofy and somehow more clumsy. If he talking to a pretty girl such as yourself he is a master flirt and sweet talker. Also tends to swear a lot, I’m trying to get him to reel it in.

You work on placing some chips in a bowl and you laugh.

You: I think you described to me buzzed Namjoon. I want the dirt on very drunk Joon.

Namjoon: Listen as your fake boyfriend drunk Namjoon is as how I described. If I were your real boyfriend drunk Joon would be something else entirely

Your skin prickles with heat as you reread the message. You have a feeling you know what he is implying and it would be the right thing to do to cut the conversation short. You both agreed you didn’t want real feelings involved and even flirting like this is toeing the line. However, you can’t help but type out your message and hit send before you can regret it.

You: and if you were my real boyfriend hypothetically of course, what would drunk Namjoon be like?

Namjoon: fine here is the dirt. If you were my actual girlfriend dunk me is very affectionate and horny. Something about alcohol just gets me ya know. Not when I’m with my friends of course but when I’m with my girl…yeah.

You gasp and feel your skin heat up.

You had to admit you had thought about Namjoon in that way and the fact he admitted to being a horny drunk when dating someone made you shiver and made anticipation hang in the air like a cloud. You knew from the second he walked into the cafe that you were sexually attracted to him but this, this was something else entirely.

Namjoon: Sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I tend to babble when I’m drunk

You: Nah it’s okay I’m just thinking.

Namjoon: And what kind of thoughts are you thinking? Hopefully, I didn’t scare you away.

You: You didn’t. It’s just you send this picture of yourself in a tight turtleneck then you flirt with me and tell me you are a horny drunk. I don’t think you’re going to kill me on the mountain I think you’re going to kill me right now

Namjoon: LOL Well don’t worry you can get revenge at the wedding. I’m sure you are going to look incredible in the dress you pick and I’m going to have to hold off on the booze so I don’t mess anything up.

You: Ah there’s the sweet talker again

Namjoon: You got me. Have a good night Y/N. My friends are back so I probably won’t text much. Be good tonight.

You: You are the one out on the town shouldn’t I say that about you?

Namjoon: Nah I’d never cheat on my fake girlfriend.

You wish him a good night and set your phone on the counter taking a deep breath and trying to calm down. Namjoon said that you could get revenge with your dress but what about him? If that’s how good he looks in a turtleneck what was he going to look like in a suit? How would you ever survive that?

A knock at the door startles you as you go to answer it and see Jimin there with his arms full of bags and a big grin on his face.

“What happened to you? I thought you and Tae made up. Did you fight again? You’re all flushed.” He comments as you help him take the bags from his arms and Taehyung rounds the corner.

“I’m just warm ‘cause Tae took his usual boiling shower and warmed up the apartment too much. I’m gonna change out of this sweater.” You comment as Taehyung shakes his head and tries to defend himself but you are already in your room.

You decide to pick out a white short-sleeved shirt that has a V-neck and you pull out your usual layered gold necklaces.

You are about to leave the room but your eyes fall on the full-length mirror and you smirk to yourself as you dim your room lights and snap a selfie, much sexier than the first one. You still keep it modest teasing Namjoon as he did to you and before you can overthink it you hit send.

It takes only four minutes for Namjoon to respond, not that you were counting, and you nearly dropped your phone when you saw his message.

Namjoon: If I was your real boyfriend I’d come over right now and make you pay for making me hard while I’m out with my friends

You: If I was your real girlfriend I’d make you pay for wearing such a tight-fitting shirt and sending me a picture while I’m with my friends

Namjoon: Beings you were so nice and are my fake girlfriend I’ll wait till after the wedding to punish you for tonight. Sweet dreams Y/N.

“Earth to Y/N we asked you a question,” Taehyung called obnoxiously waving his hand in front of your face as you quickly locked your phone and placed it on the couch beside you.

“Sorry, what was that?” You say as Tae groans and Jimin giggles.

“Cut her some slack Tae she was probably thinking about her man.” Jimin teases as you try and fail to hide your blush.

They have no idea

Taglist

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[pluto-on-mars]

“Its always been you”

I wrote this for a friend, but I decided to post so enjoy Rodrick Heffley fucking you in a bathroom folks. Also if anyone wants to commission anything HIT ME UP!

Rodrick Heffley x AFAB! reader (18+ Minors DNI)

Includes: Fingering (f! receiving), drunk sex, p in v

Word count: 2,567

The party was loud, the atmosphere thick with fun and desperation, which of the two you were was lost to you as you crept through the hallways, drunken bodies pressed against you and almost spilling what was left in your solo cup.

You were trying to find your friend, a common thing that seems to happen to you despite your attempts to get it to stop. But ever the lover boy, Rodrick always got swept up in the crowd once Heather Hills was spotted, leaving you in the shadow of her spotlight. You knew this was going to happen, and you didn’t even want to go to this stupid party!

Rodrick could be terribly convincing when he wanted to be, unfortunately, promises to stay with you this time spilling from his pretty lips, and you couldn’t do anything but say yes. It was stupid, you were stupid, having a crush on a boy who didn’t necessarily want nothing to do with you, but he certainly didn’t want you in that way.

Stepping into the kitchen, you found who you were looking for, and you downed the rest of your drink as a result. It was the same as always, Rodrick trying, and failing, to impress Heather, but it was still a sight you couldn’t bear to see.

“ ‘Scuse me.” You grumbled, trying to reach the liquor that resided behind the pair.

“ Oh sorr-heyyyyy whatsup?” Rodrick, clearly drunk, slurred out once he recognized it was you.

“ Same as always.” You couldn’t help but be a little snippy, already having talked about how you didn’t like how he just left your side at a party, especially one that he convinced you to go to.

“ Oh-Heather wait!” He scurried past you, flashing you a smile as he chased the “girl of his dreams”.

Arguably a little bit too pissed off at how he left you again, you poured yourself another drink after taking a shot. Maybe it was a bad decision, trying to put out the flames of your anger with alcohol, but your already tipsy brain didn’t have any care to give.

You left the kitchen, body instinctively going towards the vibrations of the bass, following the music to the living room where it was the loudest. You got lost in the sea of bodies, chugging your drink occasionally while your hips swayed as you let the music overtake you.

Eventually your cup ran dry, you frowned once you knocked your head back, and realized you were met with nothing. You were certainly feeling it though, and that fact compelled you to want to get another one. With the room spinning, and you definitely stumbling, you made your way back to the kitchen. Pouring yourself one more, you rested on the counter for a bit, cool tile pressing against your hot back feeling nice as you indulged, nursing your drink as a means to not feel out of place.

Unfortunately, your peace didn’t last long, some asshole tripping into you, spilling your drink down your shirt, and effectively ruining your night. Still drunk, you wandered to the bathroom that unfortunately had a line. Deciding to go upstairs to continue your search, you found Ben.

“ If you find Rodrick, tell him I’m leaving.” And that was all you hissed out before you slammed the bathroom door, not even caring to answer his questions.

Gripping the counter as you looked into the mirror, you glared back at yourself, bad decisions catching up to you as now all the emotions you were drowning out seemed to come to the surface. Roughly grabbing a wad of toilet paper, you started dabbing it against your shirt.

“ Stupid, stupid, stupid!” You chanted, getting more pissed as each word continued to leave your mouth.

Angry tears dotted your eyes, and that made you feel even worse.

“ I know I shouldn’t have gone to this fucking party oh my god.” You rambled, rubbing your shirt harshly as you started to realize it was going to stain.

Slam

“What the fuck!” The bathroom door swinging open was the last you expected as you yelled out.

“ What's wrong, why are you leaving?” His voice reached you before you realized it was him, and you hated how you couldn’t stop your heart fluttering at his presence.

“ Don’t you have something else to worry about?” You snarled out, alcohol making you much more confrontational than you would be.

“ What? No, why would I-” Rodrick stepped in more, closing the door behind him, and looking down at your soaked shirt.

“ Please I’m surprised you aren’t too busy with Heather right now.” Words spewed from your tongue, and you knew you were going to regret this later with the direction it’s going.

“ No, never, you know I care about you c’mon.” Normally these words coming from him would work, but you were just so over everything, you just couldn’t be bothered. You needed to shout, you needed to yell, you needed to express your pent up frustration, and Rodrick was sure as hell going to hear it.

“ Do you though?” Your question hung in the air, tone biting, and you continued before he got the chance to speak.

“ It’s always Heather with you, Heather this, Heather that, always Heather fucking Hills!” You exclaimed, shoving your hands in the air, wad of tissue dropping into a sad lump on the floor.

“ You care until she’s there, and suddenly you're nowhere to be seen, even though I’ve told you Rodrick.” You were close to him now, finger pressed to his chest as you glared at him, despite your wavering stance.

He fidgeted, looking down at your finger before sighing, clasping the hand pointed against him gently, he used his other hand to run a hand through his hair.

“ It was never Heather.” He muttered out, words slightly slurred as he looked down at your hand in his.

Your mind raced, waiting for the words that could come out of his mouth, trying to stop yourself from foolish hope at what that might entail.

“ I only ‘liked’ her for so long cus you were never into me.” He trailed off, eyes darting around the bathroom as you slowly processed his words.

“ Are you being forreal right now?” You stuttered dumbly, mind not being able to comprehend this wasn’t some stupid drunken delusion and that this was very much real.

A nod was all you needed before you made your next decision, fueled by liquid courage, you couldn't help but tease.

“ God Rodrick, you’re so stupid.” Was all you said before you tugged on the neckline of his shirt, his lips crashing into yours as you got the kiss you’ve longed for god knows how long.

His hands seemed to instinctively find your hips, and you hummed into the kiss, pulling his bottom lip into your mouth, you steadied yourself against him. His grip tightened, and you moved along with him as he placed you onto the bathroom counter.

He was between your legs now, and you hooked your legs around his waist. You gripped his shirt tighter as he bit your lip, pulling him into you as a means to deepen the kiss. He ran his tongue over your bottom lip and you obliged, parting your mouth to feel his tongue against yours.

Arms resting around his shoulders, and hands going to his surprisingly soft hair, you shuddered once you felt his once stationary hands trail up your thighs. He pulled away with uncharacteristic softness, and you could feel his breath fan across your lips as he looked into your eyes. Just as you were about to close the short distance, his head dipped into the crook of your neck, wet kisses left in his wake as your breath grew shaky.

Head spinning not just from the alcohol but also with how hot it was getting in the room. Feeling as though you were burning up under his touch, Rodrick lifted the hem of your shirt, and you helped him get the rest off.

“ Thank god, that thing was fucking soaked.” You sighed in relief, cold air feeling nice against your skin as you unclasped your bra.

“ Yeah I bet that's not the only thing.” You could feel the chuckle against your neck, and you laughed along despite how warm your face grew at how right he probably was.

His short nails managed to drag across your skin just right as you straightened up at the sensation, and you jolted at him pulling you closer to the edge of the counter so you could press against the bulge in his jeans.

His hands stilled as your hips bucked, a muffled groan coming from his throat as his head began to go lower to your chest. Rodrick’s presence was overwhelming, he was licking, sucking, and biting what he could get his mouth on, and occupied what he couldn’t with his surprisingly skilled hands.

Your mind was racing, your head was fuzzy, and you were growing more desperate by the second.

“ Rodrick I swear to god if you don’t get a move on I’m going to explode.” You practically begged, voice having a slight needy whine to it, and you figured you would kill him if he decided to tease you on it after the fact.

“ God calm down, hardly even done anything yet.” He teased, hands drifting down to your inner thigh.

“ That’s exactly what I’m talking about.” You groaned out, biting your lips in order to bite back the embarrassingly loud moan that would’ve left you as his hand grazed you through your underwear.

“ Jeez alright, alright.” Rodrick smirked down at you, maliciously complying as he pulled them to the side gathering your wetness with his fingers all before shoving them inside you.

“ God fuck- Rodrick!” You were grateful for the loud atmosphere of the party, shout lost in the rest of the noise.

You gripped his shoulders, legs trembling from the initial shock. Rodrick didn’t seem to want to give you a moment to breathe, setting a pace that could only be described as fast, and something made to make you loud. You couldn’t stay quiet even if you wanted to, moans spilling from your lips even though you tried to be mindful.

“ I was right by the way.” He teased, looking down at you while you stared back, face growing impossibly warmer at how he seemed to be entirely focused on you and your reactions.

“ Wha-huh?” Was all you could mewl out through the sensation of his fingers inside you.

“ You’re soaked.” He grinned wolfishly, making his pace harder, and you cried out as you clenched around him.

“ And you called me stupid, you can barely even speak right now.” His tone was downright sinful and his words only built up your continually arising arousal.

“ ‘S not fair, you’re not getting fucked right now-” you managed to get out between pants,” ‘S your fault!” You protested weakly, words falling from your lips before you could even process them.

“ My fault?” He scoffed, amused as he didn’t break his unrelenting rhythm.

“ Just like it's my fault for taking so long to realize you liked me?” He said, and you could pick up on the slight softness, like he was asking for confirmation, and you didn’t hesitate to give it to him.

Nodding profusely, you let the words you’ve always thought to say tumble from your mouth,” I’ve liked you for so-fuck-so so long!”

He hummed, smiling down at you as he picked up the pace,” Oh really? How long have you liked me, pretty?”

You could feel heat pool to your abdomen, and your legs tightened around his waist,” ‘M gonna cum fuck.”

“ No, answer first.” He said bluntly, however his fingers didn’t seem to slow.

“ Shit I don’t know.” You blurted, mind frazzled as you couldn’t seem to focus on anything but the overwhelming pleasure.

“ Think for me baby you got it.” Rodrick cooed, his left hand tracing gentle circles into your thigh.

“ Okayyy- ever since-fuck- ever since the begining of this year.” You managed to whine out before your legs began to shake.

“ Wow this year? That’s a long time.” He smiled, at your words, fondness dripping from his tone.

You would’ve smiled back, but his left hand moved from your thigh to your clit, rubbing it much more intensely than where it once was.

“ Such a good girl, cum for me.” He purred knowing just how close you were.

Coming down and swallowing your moans with a kiss that turned frantic as you eagerly reciprocated; you felt your orgasm crash over you in one big wave, dissolving into pleasure as your grip around him tightened.

Pace slowing as he rode you through your orgasm, in your clarity you fumbled for his belt buckle, the metal cold in your grip as you tried to take it off. Not breaking the kiss, Rodrick’s hands came down to help you, his jeans falling to the ground as you both parted to gasp for air.

In one swift movement Rodrick’s hands guided your hips, sinking you down onto his dick. Your simultaneous moans filled the air as Rodrick seemed to still for a second, needing a moment to collect himself. The sudden moving of his hips caused any teasing to die on your tongue as your breath hitched.

“ Fuck you feel so good.” Rodrick babbled, various noises falling past his lips, failing to maintain his composure despite his demeanor earlier.

You couldn’t even bring yourself to answer, too lost in the rhythmic thrusts that had you seeing stars. Rodrick didn’t seem to mind though, filling in for your lack of responses with words of his own.

“ Can’t believe it took me so long to realize you liked me back.” Both of his hands were on your hips now, dragging them down to match his thrusts.

You were lost in the pleasure at this point, already sensitive from your last orgasm, your senses were overwhelmed, and you couldn’t do anything but take what Rodrick was giving you.

“ Glad you finally did.” You cried out, already feeling the buildup for a second climax approaching.

“ Fuck.” You breathed out, Rodrick’s hips beginning to slam into you harder.

Arms going up to drape across his shoulders, you clung to him, needing to ground yourself with everything going on. His pace grew erratic, getting lost in you as he began to approach his rapidly building high. The same could be said for yourself, voice growing in volume as various curses flew from your lips.

Nails digging into his back, you gripped him tighter, you could hear your name slip past his lips as you moaned his. Hips coming to a slow stop, the sound of you both trying to catch your breath filled the room.

“ Still gonna leave?” Rodrick huffed, slipping back into his jeans as he looked at you.

“ Shirts still soaked.” You said simply, and you were absolutely going home after that, you were getting tired.

“ Wanna come back to my place with me?” You asked, hopping off the counter and looking for the wet pile that was your shirt.

“ Hell yeah.”

[valewritessss]

This fandom is so nit-picky that I’ve seen more criticism on every little thing about wottg (a book that came out 2 days ago) than people saying things they liked about it

Edit: someone has already gotten mad so I repeat this is a joke and not that deep❤️

[shepscapades]

Hey! i’m really into the dbch story and i was wondering if doc and xisuma ever tell bdubs the specifics of why etho lost his memories, cause if they do that is prime self blaming angst for bdubs

I’m inclined to believe they don’t. Actually (and maybe I should do a small comic for this so more people see it) I imagine, once a month or a few pass and they finally return etho to bdubs as reset, I imagine they are VERY serious about warning bdubs not to try to force Etho to re-deviate— they don’t go into specifics, but they probably tell bdubs that whatever happened had to do with something that was emotionally overwhelming, and that forcing him to redeviate/not letting it happen naturally could trigger the same error. They have no idea what could happen so bdubs needs to be very careful and let Etho find himself again on his own.

Whether or not bdubs gets impatient or can only go so long before he doubts it would be that bad if he tried pushing Etho in the right direction is another story.

But yeah. I don’t think Xisuma or Doc really… tell anyone that this happened. Etho’s error seemed like a very specific one-off scenario, so it’s not something the other hermits should be trying to avoid or be careful about happening to their own android friends, and the only thing telling people would do is make them worried about the situation. All they need to know is that etho was broken and that they need to be careful with him. I don’t agree with their decision to keep what happened to themselves but I understand it I think. Xisuma “i don’t want to worry the hermits” Void and Docm “eh this isn’t the first time I’ve replaced this arm, people won’t question it” 77

[gladiatorcunt]

han solo wants what atton rand has

[lucydacusgirl]

I really appreciate when period dramas in particular make their characters go through with marrying the wrong person I love you consequences I love you wrong choices you can’t take back I love you this is going to end in misery or scandal or both.

[cheekblush]

really starting to believe that psychic who claimed i’m cursed

[pepprs]

im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol

[lastnightonthecyclone]

Another fucking wip on fnaf because inconsistency is my skill

[iwatcheditbegin]

My family has absolutely zero understanding of mental health

[glitter50000]

Oh so when Alina wants more then to be by my side it’s all “girlboss!” and “yes queen!” and “you deserve more!” but when I, Malyen Oretsev-

[lunacornfan2k24]

@aphony-cree you’re tags are so real

“the fandom has decided - ” “everyone agrees that - ” “we all know that this is the only right way to - ”

[ghastbutlikegay]

Do you ever like psychologically analyze yourself at 8 in the morning

[fierykitten2]

Pokémon fans don’t understand that “event-exclusive” means that Wake and Leaves can’t (and shouldn’t be at least until the next time they appear in a game that isn’t SV) be found in the game outside events part 8000000000000000