#and when i nearly have a panic attack everytime i have to go to work

[conderkyl]

New hair who dis

[wintersoldiersoul]

Drowning

A/N: Not sure how I feel about this one but I'm currently going through this situation with my boyfriend and I thought that writing about it might help me feel better. Haven't gotten to the part where I talk to him about it but maybe this will inspire me.

It was late. Too late. You should be sleeping but it was impossible with your mind racing. You and Bucky had been together for almost a year now but you never really felt secure in your relationship with him. Maybe it was the way that your last boyfriend had broken up with you out of nowhere. You wish you knew why, but you always felt like Bucky was going to run. 

As much as you loved him, you also wanted more from him. More reassurance. More romance. More small gestures to show you that he cared. And you couldn’t blame him for not giving them to you when you hadn’t asked but as much as you preached the importance of communication to your friends, you were a hypocrite. You could never apply that to your own relationship.

Everytime you tried to express your feelings, you couldn’t do it. What if I’m right? What if I tell him that I’m afraid he’s gonna leave and he finally takes it as his chance to do so? You would think. Or what if I plant the idea in his head? 

All of this was made harder by the fact that you were younger than him. While he was established with a career, living on his own, you had just graduated college and were back living with your parents. Finding a job felt nearly impossible despite the countless resumes and cover letters that you sent out every single day. Your brain constantly flashed back to a conversation you had in May, where you asked him if you would stay together when you moved back home. Your hometown was less than an hour from where Bucky lived in Brooklyn, so in your mind it was a no brainer. But when your question opened up a conversation that blindsided you.

Bucky explained that he was ready to be settled down. You were shocked when he had said the words, “Sometimes it feels like we have an expiration date.”

The next morning he said he was being ridiculous. That he loved you and of course the two of you would figure it out. But ever since then, you hadn’t been able to relax. Even now, a month into you living back at home you still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was going to change his mind. You saw him just as often as you had when you were still living in the city. You didn’t mind taking the train to go see him 3 or 4 times a week. But the stress and anxiety was weighing on you. Combined with adjusting to post-grad life, you were not doing well. 

You had never felt so lonely in your life. All of your college friends had also moved back to their hometowns while most of your friends from high school were still dispersed around the country. The job search left you feeling defeated every single day. And the lack of things to do and structure made life feel meaningless. It was safe to say that you had hit a low point. 

But you wanted to hide it all from Bucky. Because what if you brought up how hard it was to find a job and he realized that this wasn’t going to work? What if you told him how lonely you were and he was offended that he wasn’t enough? He knew that you struggled with anxiety and he was no stranger to mental health issues of his own but you just found it impossible to open up to him about all of this.

So there you were, in the midst of another sleepless night overthinking everything. Laptop opened, frantically searching on LinkedIn for jobs in the hopes that one thing just might work out. You read back your text messages from the past few days. Does he seem distant, or is my stupid brain playing tricks on me? As your spiral continued, you could feel a panic attack brewing. You tried your best to focus on your breathing but it became impossible. You just wanted to talk to Bucky. You needed to talk to Bucky. 

Fuck it, you thought. Losing him would be horrible, but so is living in this fear. Through your tears and shaking hands, you typed a message.

Y/N: Are you awake?

You shook your legs and bit your nails as you stared at the screen waiting for those three dots to show up.

Bucky: Yeah.

You took a deep breath as you sent the next message, trying to not go crazy over the dry single word he had responded with.

Y/N: Can I call you?

You desperately wished you could be with him right now to have this conversation. To analyze his body language in person. But you weren’t with him and you wouldn’t see him til the end of the week and you needed to get this out. Now.

Bucky: It’s late. I’m trying to get some sleep. 

You knew work had been kicking his ass lately. He was putting in insane hours, usually waking up at 6 and not finishing up til midnight. You knew he needed to rest and you almost responded back saying nevermind, and goodnight. But no. You needed to be a little selfish or you would crumble. Tonight felt like a turning point. Or a breaking point.

Y/N: Please Bucky. I really need to talk to you.

Bucky: Ok

Pressing dial on his name, you felt your heart rate increase even more. You tried to take deep breaths to calm your tears but it didn’t help. You were practically sobbing by the time he answered the call. “Bucky…” you said into the phone. 

At hearing your voice, Bucky was alert. He could tell that something was wrong. You had never cried in front of him. “Y/N? Baby, what's wrong? What's going on?” His desire for sleep was completely gone. All he cared about was you. He knew that he wasn’t the best boyfriend. He knew he could treat you better. But the years of trauma he had experienced made it hard for him to be vulnerable with anyone. He loved you so much that it hurt him and he hated himself that he couldn’t fully give himself to you. 

“Bucky, I’m not okay. I’m really really not okay,” you practically hyperventilated. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep living like this. I can’t.”

“Shhh, can you take some deep breaths for me?” He said calmly. “I need you to calm down and tell me what's going on.” He listened quietly as he heard you breathe deeply.

“Bucky, I’m terrified,” you finally spoke after a couple of minutes. “I don’t feel secure in our relationship. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells constantly because I’m petrified that you’re gonna leave. That one day you’re just gonna decide that you’re done with me because I’m too young and I live with my parents and I don’t have a job. And trying to find a job has really been taking a toll on me. I’m trying so fucking hard but it feels impossible. It’s so defeating waking up every single day to an email inbox full of rejections and I feel worthless and stupid. I’m not doing well not being in college anymore. I don’t have any structure to my days and life feels really fucking pointless right now. I’m so lonely. Fuck, I’m so lonely, Buck.” You took a pause, bracing yourself for his response. 

“Baby, why haven’t you brought this up sooner? Why haven’t you told me any of this?” There was genuine shock in his voice. 

“Because!” You cried. “I don’t want to remind you about how hard it is to find a job right now. I don’t want you to think about the fact that I live with my parents now while you have your own independent life. I never want to remind you of it because I don’t want you to change your mind and leave. And I don’t want you to think that you’re not enough for me because I’m lonely. I love you so much but I just… I really fucking miss my friends.” 

“Y/N, I need you to listen to me. Like, really listen to me. I am well aware of your situation. I know it’s hard to find a job right now. I’m not gonna leave you, okay? I’m committed to this. To you.”

You sniffled. “But you said that you wanted to be settled down. That we might have an expiration date.”

He sighed. “I’m sorry for that. I never should have said those things. When we had that conversation I was tired and not thinking clearly. And I spent that whole night wide awake thinking about how stupid I was and how stupid I would be to let you go because you need some time to find your footing after college. I hate that those words affected you so much. I’m so sorry.”

You talked to him for a while longer, pouring out all of your insecurities that you’d been holding back. After a while, the conversation started to shift to more normal things.

“Baby,” Bucky yawned. “I love you so much but I gotta go to bed. And tomorrow after work I’ll come see you, okay?”

“Okay. I love you too.”

Your worries wouldn’t fade overnight. You wouldn’t suddenly be able to get a job. Your friends wouldn’t all come back to you. College was over and life was drastically different. But at least now Bucky knew. And he wasn’t going to leave.

[jellyveesh]

oh, paw-lease!

fandom ## hazbin hotel (dog-sinner reader)

characters ## charlie morningstar, vaggie, alastor, angel-dust, husker, lucifer morningstar

prompt ## it would seem a new sinner has arrived at the hotel, sporting a set of bouncy ears and an eagerly swaying tail. how will this new canine companion fit into the dynamics of the hazbin hotel?

contains ## SHOW SPOILERS, gender-neutral reader, canon-typical character behaviours/habits, reader is annoyingly bubbly but in a puppy-dog way, reader is gen z, no one in this show is morally good (obviously), NO ROMANCE, autistic-coded lucifer, fan theories are used, stereotypical 'dog' characteristics, brief mention of valentino (cringe)

masterlist part two potential - open to writing for more characters

when you first arrived at the hotel, you were pretty much fresh-meat in hell, and definitely of a different generational variety to the other residents (much to their confusion and mutual horror).

charlie welcomes you to the hotel with open arms and a huge smile - and everyone is blinded by the two balls of sunshine chatting happily in the doorway. vaggie convinces her to let you in, and you settle into the hotel extremely well.

you get along well with everyone... well, nearly everyone!

CHARLIE MORNINGSTAR

for obvious reasons, charlie adores you - your bubbly nature sharply contrasts the mellowed nature of husker, the over-the-top nature of nifty and the sneakiness that alastor maintains

but charlie isn't stupid and she obviously knows you're down here for one sinful reason or another, so she doesn't think you're harmless...

no matter how much that fluffy tail thumps against the floor, YOU ARE NOT HARMLESS

she enjoys using you as the focus point of redemption exercises - mainly because most of the residents like/are indifferent to you, and you just like everyone

planned a group fetch session one time, ended up with you passed out in the entryway the second they entered the hotel

you are her therapy dog sinner at this point, whenever she feels like she's bordering a panic attack you just poof magically appear and comfort her - using some very interesting jokes (gen z humour is honestly more traumatising than comforting, but it works in charlie's case), and allowing her to play with your tail and ears.

bought you tons of squeaky toys...

overall, is extremely happy you arrived at the hotel, and wouldn't change you for the world

VAGGIE

vaggie enjoys your presence - especially considering you seem to be about as sane as you can be, considering you're in hell and you're a sinner

like, she can have an intelligent conversation with you and then NOT feel the sudden urge to smash her head into the nearest wall (*cough* alastor *cough*)

you're her excuse to get out of the hotel, even if it's for five minutes

"i need to walk the dog" type excuse - you go along with it, because like... who doesn't enjoy walks?

despite you being a sinner, you have a lot of dog features - it's honestly hard to tell you were ever even human once upon a time, under all that fluff and fur - and you LOVE those shitty little squeaky dog toys

vaggie hates those squeaky dog toys

definitely hides them around the hotel so you can't find them

too bad you've got a sensitive sniffer and find them everytime

you stayed outside hers and charlie's room the first time she hid them, obnoxiously squeaking the toy just to be petty and kept her awake

now you just enjoy it looking for the toys, it's like a game

overall, vaggie enjoys your company - you can be very energetic and sometimes overwhelming, but you can be equally as soft and silent

she thinks she wouldn't mind you hanging around for a little while longer

ALASTOR

alastor can't stand you.

you're a dog, he HATES dogs - for many obvious reasons, of course

not that you've explicitly done anything to him, so he tolerates you - just keep an adequate distance between the two of you, and you'll be just peachy

overtime, you become accustomed to the fact that alastor will probably never like you - and you definitively become softer around him in order to accommodate to his needs

you don't necessarily know WHY he doesn't like you, but the way his eyes shift tell you that he's uncomfortable

you soften your tone of voice, make all of your movements extremely predictable and slow, and make sure to keep your pesky tail in check

overtime, this 'submissive' tactic (it's not really, but it's better to say that than to say alastor is fearful of this cheery little puppy) begins to break down alastor's carefully crafted walls

the first breakthrough was when alastor invited you to go to the library with him - you had to physically hold your tail down as it began wagging excitedly

you guys sat in the library for hours, mere inches apart from each other - your tail softly thumping against the couch, and the soft static of alastor's radio filling the air as you both read your respective books

you guys cook together (more like he cooks and you just watch excitedly, having no thoughts behind those beady puppy-dog eyes) - you have so many questions, and he answers each one with endless patience, and tells you you're a 'good dog' whenever you hand him a kitchen tool he needs

you love being called a good dog :3

overall, he's not used to you yet - but he's getting there

complete avoidance has turned into greetings, light touches here and there, and invitations to join him in his endeavours

i'd say that's a job well done

ANGEL DUST

angel had a temporary urge to taint your giddiness - it didn't last long, but long enough that the guilt of it eats him alive most days

but he adores you, and you quickly become fast friends - you act as an escape from his job, your personality so contrasting from his day-to-day

angel buys you tons of cute outfits, most of which contain chokers or pendants after you expressed that you used to wear them when you were alive - and wearing them brings you a strange sense of comfort

definitely got you a charm that said 'if lost, call angel dust xxx-xxx' and hooked it onto a little doggy collar as a gag gift

you still wore it though, and he just became absolute putty at the way your tail wagged

angel sometimes wakes up to you curled up at his side, with fat nuggets mirroring you on his other side - he doesn't mind, he actually loves the fact that he's your first comfort-call

no one snitch, but he wraps all of his arms around you and your tail thumps softly against the comforter in your sleep

in regards to angel's job, you're extremely understanding - hell is hell, and people get by in different ways

but you are FIERCELY protective of your newly found friend

in the episode where angel stands up to valentino for nifty's sake, you are trembling at husker's side - not out of fear, but out of pure anger and the desire to protect your own

however, when valentino lays hands on your precious friend? you're between them in seconds, teeth bared, ears flat against your scalp and low rumbling growls coming from your mouth

you make it very apparent you are no bark and all bite when valentino tries to bypass you to approach angel, snapping your jaws at him, and watch with mixed triumph and disgust as the moth-man scoffs and turns away

as soon as valentino is no longer in 'threat' distance, you turn to help angel to his feet - no words needed, and simply pressed your cold snout to his cheek as you felt his trembling hands in yours

from that day onwards, you pick angel up from work everyday without fail - even if it means sprinting across pentagram city just to get there on time

your consistent presence discourages valentino from keeping angel overnight, which fills you with pride - at least you rattled the fugly moth during your last encounter

overall, you're best friends - angel would burn the world for you, and you'd do the same for him, and that mutual respect for one another makes you a force to be reckoned with

you'd be surprised at how downright dirty the 'innocent' little pup could get when with the spider

HUSKER

frenemies through and through - but it's more like one-sided frenemies, because you simply have no enemies (except valentino. fuck you valentino.)

you and husker were not close AT ALL when you first arrived at the hotel, and instead opted for the stereotypical dog-cat relationship... a relationship built on pure contempt just for each others species, and spent a good portion of the first few days growling and hissing at one another

so, how did you two become fast friends considering your clear hate?

you.

you did the one thing that proved to husker you understood how cats functioned...

you brought him a mouse!

a dead one. a dead hell mouse.

now, to everyone else in the hotel, the display was disgusting - and several of them scrambled away from the bar with shrill screams - but, to husker, it was a sign of peace

and, from that point onwards, you became friends

that's literally it

husker wouldn't mention it to anyone, but he is an absolute cuddle bug - and having you, someone with no regard for personal space, around and jumping into hugs actually soothed his stolen soul

oftentimes, you two are found comfortably lounging on the couch - limps tangled together (and tails coiled around each others)

the two of you have a habit of falling into your more animalistic urges when it's just the two of you - so mutual grooming is not uncommon, and you've woken up several times to husker's tongue dragging across your head

he definitely pretends it doesn't happen after, but you both know

you make sure to return the favour, much to his distress - considering you just kind of... slobber, everywhere

when you two fight though it's actually vicious - biting, scratching, clawing, etc. absolutely scaring the hell out of everyone

but then after like two minutes you two are like "well, that was fun!"

husker is ultimately more playful in your presence, but he's still grumpy and if he asks you to go away - you will listen, because you understand not everyday is a cuddle day

overall, husker hate-loves you - you're a solid consistent in his day-to-day afterlife now, and he can actively become more relaxed with you around... and whilst that's why he loves you, it's also why he hates you, because you make him weak

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR

lucifer has definitely hyperfixated on several animals during all of his years in heaven and hell - so i have no doubt he hyperfixated on dogs, or some kind of canine, at one point

and you're about as humanoid-ly doggy as it gets, or as humanoid-ly doggy as he's seen

and when you show interest in his hyperfixation on ducks, you instantly become his new favourite sinner at the hotel - although you enjoy ducks simply for dog-related reasons, you also enjoy how happy lucifer seems to get when speaking about them

you make a note to yourself to never harm another duck in your entire afterlife

with lucifer being autistic, and you seemingly having adhd qualities, you perfectly compliment each other

your friendship is the definition of "he asked for no pickles" with a tiny lucifer all teary eyed in the background

after lilith left, lucifer has had difficulty in maintaining his wings - and, much to his displeasure, you walked in on him trying to preen them, and struggling to reach the harder to get places

i mean, he has 6 wings, i wouldn't look after them either

but when you offer to help, he melts - guiding and directing you on what to do and what not to do, smiling adoringly at the look of concentration on your face and the way you stick your tongue out the corner of your mouth

as a reward, he preens you in return, expressing his thanks through the subtle gesture

preening is a sign of affection with birds, and i feel he would give into those mannerisms the more he hyperfixates on ducks

overall, lucifer absolutely adores you - and although the goal for the hotel is to redeem sinners, he lowkey hopes you're never redeemed

he'd simply miss you too much

and he definitely treats you like a little kid sometimes (theoretically, you are the youngest, generationally...)

[whumpdom]

Andersen Men

Sicktember Day 3: “What happened to your phenomenal immune system, huh?”

Description: James is sick but Trent needs someone to keep him together. 

Trent is 26 James is 25. TW for content; mentions of child abuse, assault, and panic attacks.

The drive back to his apartment is normally one of James’s favorite parts of his day. He turns up the radio and can drown out all the chaos in his mind. Today, however, the drive is proving tedious at best. There’s a deep-seated exhaustion sitting in his bones and the beginning of a headache creeping in. James rolls his muscular shoulders and tries to blink away the fatigue; the day isn’t over yet. Before he can go home and pass out in his bed, he needs to stop by Trent’s place and check up on him. Daisy and Aiden are out of town on some kind of “writing retreat”, and James had promised to check up on the young lawyer. 

James pulls up outside of the rundown apartment building that Trent lives in and parks his truck. As he steps out, he winces when the throbbing in his head picks up slightly. He shrugs it off and walks towards the stairs. His father’s voice echoes in his head.

“Andersen men don’t take sick days, son”

The sentiment has held true for the most part, James can’t recall a single time his father missed work or church because of illness ,and James has worked through nearly every sickness and injury unless he couldn’t physically get out of bed. Save for the time he got a concussion during a training exercise, and was ordered to be on bed rest, James has never taken a sick day. He has on multiple occasions boasted about his ‘Immune system of steel’, something that is evidently failing him at the moment. 

When James gets to the front door of Trent’s apartment, he pauses to clear his throat, before knocking. He can hear Trent on the other side of the door, pacing and muttering, it’s not a good sign. After a few moments, Trent opens the door and James’s concern immediately increases. His friend looks to be on the verge of a full blown breakdown. His eyes are blown wide and it’s clear he’s been crying. Trent’s lower lip is raw and slightly bloody from when he’s been chewing it. There’s some dried blood on his knuckles and James has no doubt he’ll find a new dent in one of the apartment walls. 

“Hey man, what happened?”

James' voice is soft and cautious as he walks into the living room. Trent starts pacing again, looking like a caged animal. His shoulders are shaking and his breathing is bordered on hyperventilating. Trent doesn’t respond to James' question at first. James waits patiently, he knows how easily Trent can be startled when he’s like this. After a few minutes, Trent drops down on the couch and hunches over. He sucks in a shaky breath and then looks up at James with red-rimmed eyes. 

“I, h-he was t-there. At the office today, Wilton Blakely.” Trent whispers. The name is unfamiliar to James, but it clearly holds some significance with Trent. “He c-came up to me and t-t-touched me. Kept going on about how great m-my f-father was.”James sits down on the couch a few inches from Trent and places a hand on his friend's knee to help ground him. 

Trent chokes back a sob and swallows thickly. His eyes begin to dart around the room. James can sense the impending panic attack and he squeezes Trent’s knee firmly. “Did he hurt you?”James asks carefully. Trent shakes his head and leans into James ever so slightly. He sucks in an unsteady breath before speaking, his voice barely a whisper.

“W-when I was eight, my parents had some dinner party and I spilled some water on him.” Trent flinches suddenly, he can still feel the sting of the first slap and his cheek even after all these years. “I-I-I-I d-didn’t m-mean to, but it d-didn’t matter.”. Trent doesn’t have to finish the rest of the story for James to know what happened. He is well aware of the torment Trent faced at the hand of his ‘parents’ and it makes James feel sick everytime he thinks about it. James instinctively pulls his friend closer and rubs Trent’s back to calm him down. 

“I probably deserved it anyway.” Trent says with a hollow laugh.

James shakes his head and hugs Trent. “You didn’t deserve it, any of it. What they did to you was horrible, but they can’t hurt you anymore. Alright?”James states firmly. Trent nods and slumps against James.

“Why don’t you shower and I’ll order some food?” James offers when Trent pulls away. Trent nods and stands up, he still looks rough and James has a feeling it’s going to be a long night. 

While Trent showers, James orders food. He hasn’t eaten since breakfast, which is probably why his head and stomach hurt, and Trent can’t take his meds on an empty stomach. Italian food seems like a safe bet, so James orders some pasta dishes to be delivered and flips through the TV channels until he finds something neutral to watch. He settles on Parks and Recreation, which seems like a safe bet. 

The food arrives shortly after Trent emerges from the shower and the two men settle on the couch and eat in relative silence. James isn’t exactly hungry, but he eats anyway hoping it will help his headache go away. Trent picks at his food, absentmindedly watching the show and occasionally cracking a shy smile at the jokes. When Trent has eaten most of his dinner, James heads to the kitchen to grab Trent’s anxiety and insomnia medication along with some aspirin for himself. James hands Trent his pills along with a bottle of water and watches as his friend swallows. Trents eyes are still puffy and far-away but he seems to be doing better. James clears away the food and tries to ignore the overly-full sensation in his belly. He really hadn’t eaten that much, especially considering his normal appetite, but evidently his stomach disagrees.

“T-thank you.” Trent mumbles when James walks back into the living room. James smiles and squeezes his shoulder,”No problem man.”, he replies. 

They watch a few more episodes; Trent relaxes more and more as the medication takes effect. James, on the other hand, grows ever more uncomfortable. Dinner is sitting like a rock in his stomach, refusing to digest. Occasionally he can feel the food churning sickly and his belly rumbles quietly, clearly displeased with his choice to eat. Apparently what James felt earlier was not hunger, but rather the beginning of a stomach bug. James places a hand on his midsection and rubs at it discreetly. He can feel a slight bloat to his abdomen along with the queasy ache. Now that his brain isn’t focused on taking care of a panicked Trent, James realizes just how terrible he feels. A wet burp rumbles up his throat and he muffles it in his fist. 

Trent doesn’t seem to notice his friend's condition, or if he does he doesn’t mention it. His eyes begin to droop and he slumps further into the couch yawning. The tension has eased from his shoulders and his breathing is calmer. James takes note and grabs the remote to turn the television off. 

“I think it’s bedtime, yeah?” James asks, turning to Trent. 

The young lawyer nods sleepily and stands up, walking towards the bathroom to brush his teeth. He turns back towards James and looks at him with sad pleading eyes.

“C-can you st-stay?”

James smiles at the request. He knows that Trent is prone to nightmares following a panic attack and he hadn’t planned to leave his friend anyway. Hearing Trent openly request it is definitely progress though. 

“Of course, I’ll be right out here if you need me buddy.”

Trent’s shoulders relax even further and he walks into the bathroom. 

Once Trent has left the room, James lets out another wet burp. It doesn’t bring him any relief and he presses his hand against his aching belly hoping to coax up another burp. He does, but it brings with it a splash of his dinner, which he quickly swallows back down. His stomach grumbles in response and cramps. 

James stands up carefully and goes to the hall closet where he has a stash of spare clothes. It’s not the first time he’s spent the night here and it won’t be the last. He changes into a fresh shirt and a pair of loose sweatpants. The waist band digs into his puffy belly and James winces, rubbing tenderly and trying not groan when he bends over to pick up his other clothes. The action of bending over sends up another splash of acid and food into his throat. For a moment James thinks he’s going to puke, but nothing happens and he returns to the couch. 

Trent has left a pillow and blanket on the couch for him. James settles onto the couch and curls in on himself. He hugs his bulky arms around his middle and squeezes his eyes shut. With any luck, he’ll be able to fall asleep. 

For the better part of an hour, James tries to sleep, with no success. His stomach hurts and keeps making increasingly loud and distressed sounds. His head is throbbing, despite the aspirin, and perhaps worst of all; James is alone with his thoughts. Everytime he shuts his eyes, he can see Drew’s face or the face of someone else he lost. His mind is flooded with the images of everyone he couldn’t save and it only makes him more nauseated. This tends to happen anytime he gets a fever and James hates it. 

Trent is sleeping soundly in the next room over and James really doesn’t want to disturb him, but he almost wishes Trent would wake up. At least then he would have something else to focus on.

Another cramp ripples through his middle and James bites back a groan. He can still taste dinner in his mouth along with the bitter saliva that keeps flooding in. James stands up, slightly unsteady, and quietly walks to the bathroom. He grabs his toothbrush that Trent keeps here and attempts to brush his teeth. The action makes him gag and James drops the toothbrush leaning over the sick to retch.

His stomach contracts as he gags but all that he manages is a pathetic dribble of bitter drool. He turns and kneels in front of the toilet, squeezing his eyes shut as the world seems to spin around him. Memories flood his brain and James grips the rim of the toilet until his knuckles are white. 

His back arches and he burps, bringing up a gush of puke; quickly followed by another. James pants over the water; the smell and sight of his partially disgusted dinner makes him gag again. James wraps one of his arms around his middle and uses the other to brace himself over the toilet. His belly gurgles under his hand and contracts sending up another wave of vomit. 

When he finishes, James flushes the toilet and washes his face and mouth, before returning to couch. He had hoped that Trent would stay asleep during his bout of sickness, but Trent is a light sleeper even when medicated. 

 “What happened to your phenomenal immune system, huh?”

Trent is sitting on a chair by the couch when James enters the living room. There’s a bucket next to the couch and a bottle of water in Trent’s hand. James flops on the couch and burps into his hand. Trent doesn’t comment but he looks worried just the same. James doesn’t usually get sick and Trent isn’t quite sure how to respond. “I would offer you my bed but I know you won’t take it. Just know that it’s yours if you want.” Trent says as James takes a tentative sip of the water. 

When the water doesn’t immediately come back up, James takes another tiny sip and sets the bottle down on the coffee table. He settles on the couch and looks up at Trent.

“Thanks man, sorry for waking you up.” James says yawning.

Trent stands up and pats James shoulder awkwardly. “It’s no problem” he replies as he heads back to bed. 

James finally manages to fall asleep, his stomach settling somewhat after having purged itself. His dreams are far from peaceful, but James can’t remember a time when they were. When he wakes up he decides that, just this once, an Adersen man is going to take a damn sick day. 

I will edit later enjoy some James and Trent whump xx

[peachandcherryaredelulu]

Shadow of You TEASER

VAMPIRE!Seventeen

Pairings:Seventeen??XOC, Seventeen??XOC, OT13

Synopsis: Quinn and Kitty are two normal twenty somethings, but when they find themselves in a new country the duo come face to face with love, heartache, and the unknown... or perhaps the supernatural

~ Not edited ~

It started like a whisper, so quiet that Kitty almost missed it. Every night it was the same, no light except for the candles that lined the room, flashes of images of an old dark castle surrounded by mountains capped with snow.. She could see no one else in the room with her, but could feel them watching her and just as the panic began to set in the voices got louder. 

“Katarina” It was loud enough now that she could hear the different voices. Still, she had no idea where they were, the only thing she knew was the louder the calling got the more desperate she was to get to them. To find them. 

“Come to us, Katarina,” It was so loud now as if they were standing right behind her speaking directly into her ear. 

“Katarina.”

“Katarina!”

“Kitty! Get your ass up!” She sat up with a start, nearly rolling off the couch. 

“I’m up Quinn, I’m up.” Kitty rubbed the sleep from her eyes and grabbed her glasses from where they had fallen from the couch. The sun was still up outside and the TV was playing some random episode of Criminal Minds in the background. 

“Did you fall asleep out here? You have a whole bed,”Quinn plopped down next to Kitty on the now free couch cushion. It was the fourth time this week that Kitty had fallen asleep out in the living room, it was never intended either. 

“I know, but I’m not sleeping well at night. I keep having the dream, I don’t know how you sleep so soundly with it,” Kitty was exhausted from her restless sleep. It had been months since the girls had started having identical dreams each night. 

“At first, I was so creeped out and it felt like I was having a panic attack every night when I closed my eyes. But it’s never been like a nightmare, I realized at some point I never felt scared of what was happening. My panic was because I feel as though my soul is weeping to get to those voices,” Quinn had told Kitty this all before and she couldn’t help but agree to some degree with her best friend. She had never had a true nightmare since these dreams started but there was something that sat low in her gut every time she slept. Fear of the unknown or of all the superstitions her family had drilled into her as a child. 

“I know, but all I can think about is the scary stories my Father would tell me as a kid so I would behave. That if I was a bad child the red-eyed men would drag me away into their castle and eat me,” Mr. Turca was a harsh man and had always been rather ill-suited for fatherhood. Even now the only thing he was good for was paying the bills, his trade off to keep his first born daughter as far from his new family as possible. That’s how the two girls met, when Kitty was shipped off to boarding school after her Father had remarried. 

“He’s such an asshole, you know that. He acts so high and mighty all the time. I’ve never even met the man and we’ve been friends since we were 12!” the two girls broke out in giggles, one sure fire way to make their days better were to talk shit about Mr. Turca or Quinn’s mother. 

A buzzing sound started from the coffee table in front of the couch, the two turned to each other trying to sober up from their laughter. 

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear,” Kitty flashed her phone screen to Quinn to show that her father was calling her. 

“I can only imagine what he wants now. You know he only ever calls for two reasons,” The two girls rolled their eyes knowing that he was either about to yell at Kitty for being a disappointment again or he was going to ask her to do something that was beneficial only to him. 

“Hello.” Kitty’s voice always became cold when speaking with her father, gone was the happy and loving woman she had worked so hard to become everytime his voice rang out over the phone. 

“Katarina, I have news about Aunt Lucia. She had been put on hospice care and given only a few weeks to live,” Kitty’s eyes went wide with the news and Quinn took that as her cue to retreat into her room to give her roommate some privacy during the phone call. 

Quinn was known to be too curious for her own good, let’s be honest she was a nosy bitch. She wanted to know everyone's business all the time, but she also respected her best friend above all else. Kitty’s father was a sore spot and most of their calls ended in some sort of fight between the two of them followed by him buying her something expensive to make amends. To keep her from going anywhere near his new wife and kids and imposing on his new happy life without her. 

Quinn occupied herself with her books and the other random crap in her room while she waited for the phone call to end, Kitty would almost always come and debrief after a conversation to process the bullshit that her father would spew. 

This conversation seemed to be taking longer than usual. The goal for both father and daughter were to keep these calls as brief as possible, the less they interacted the better. 

Twenty minutes passed before waltzing into Quinn's room with a smirk on her face. 

“I just scored us a free summer vacation traveling around the whole of Europe,” Kitty was rather proud of her bartering skills this time around. Her father wanted something huge from her and she wanted something huge from him. 

“What’s the catch?” There was always a catch with the Turca family, nothing was ever truly free with them. 

“We have to go to Romania and stay with Aunt Lucia until she dies. Then we can spend the rest of the summer traveling Europe as we please on my fathers dime.” Kitty was a little too nonchalant in her delivery of the real reason behind their Europe trip.

“I don’t know how I feel about this, have you ever met this woman?” Quinn was usually fine with all types of fuckery but this… the vibes were just slightly off with this. 

“No, I’ve never been to Romania. My dad went with his grandparents when he was very young, but that was the only time he’s been. Aunt Lucia is my father’s great aunt, his grandfather’s twin sister.” Quinn’s eyes went wide at the news of this woman’s age. 

“She turned 108 in March, the look on your face gave it all away. I don’t know how she made it this long either, kinda feel bad for her.” Kitty stopped playing with the book she had picked up off of Quinn’s bedside table to think back to what she knew of the woman she would see to the end of her life, “Never married or had children, she’s lived in the family home her entire life. She refused to leave when her brother decided to leave the country. She’s like a hermit from what I understand, but no one should die alone.” 

“Well then, looks like we're going to Romania and Europe for the summer. Good thing you’re a kindergarten teacher and have summers off.” Quinn assured her best friend trying to bring the mood back up.

“Good thing your job is writing erotic monster fiction and you can do that from anywhere,” Kitty pocked back at Quinn tossing the book with Quinn’s name across the front towards her spot on her bed. 

Thousands of miles away fate was stirring. Thirteen pairs of red eyes were open and looking into the darkness of night waiting, longing for their brides to come to them once more. To complete them. 

[tamerxorles]

just kinda bitching about life

I had my first ever panic attack a few weeks back. It wasn't very pleasant and I kinda had to hide the fact that it happened because it happened in the middle of a Saturday driving shift. I don't feel nearly as bad now but still not great. Idk about you guys but I'm mega stressed out right now. My car's fucked because naturally, paycheck to paycheck has never been more literal, and idk if it's because I'm about halfway to 30 this year but the concept of the future is turning into a looming dread. I mean I became a pizza guy because they were the only place dumb enough to actually hire me directly out of high school, but I didn't think this would be the final stop on the career train. I don't despise where I am or anything but I hoped it'd be a little more lucrative than it is. I suppose it doesn't help that for some reason I don't allow myself outside of my comfort zone that often, especially when it comes to work, and that I'm severely limited in what I could do because of the car situation. It's been a week since I interviewed at GameStop and I know the guy I talked to said the interview was busy but imo that's just code for "get fucked idiot" so I assume that's not gonna happen. Even if I could find something decent as a work from home option my laptop is just north of dog shit on it's best day. God if I could find a part time wfh gig that I could do when I don't drive that would be perfect. I also wouldn't mind maybe going to school again but finding info on that free 2 years thing that TN residents can get is damn near impossible. Everytime I've looked it just looped back to the FAFSA stuff and for some reason the application for that asks for info on your parents and won't let you skip it. Which sucks because both of mine are worthless cunts and I refuse to engage with either of them. Then I'm pretty sure that is have to buy stuff like books and that's gonna cost an arm, a leg, and my brother's soul. What would I even do? Creative writing? I don't have any ideas that aren't cliche af. English? I'm dyslexic as so that's probably a bad idea. Journalism? Kind of a mix of the previous points. Man, now I'm rambling. I'd love to talk about video games but frankly there's nothing I can say that someone smarter and bit more poignant hasn't already said. I'm sure I'll think of something. Even if I can't find a solution I'm at least good at finding a distraction from the existential dread that is life. #emovibes am I right?

[unicornteacup24]

A Free Latte

TW: anxiety allusion, panic attack

He pulls his black sherpa jacket tighter around himself, hoping to stave off the weird chill of those weeks in between Winter's end and Spring's beginning. He lets out a shaky sigh, waiting for the road to clear of cars and trucks as they speed by him. Just then, a group of kids breeze by him, running across the lanes without a second thought when the cars slow into a line at the traffic light.

He waits.

Cars speed by.

He waits some more.

A bus stops to pick up passengers.

He waits, false starts to step in the street are repeated for about five minutes because the cars are plenty; and, he doesn't want physical damage to match his mental.

The cars eventually clear on both sides, leaving the road empty; so, he runs in a diagonal line, reaching, the other side of the street with a small smile at the personal accomplishment. Crossing the street was never not kind of scary for him; but, he did it.

He stops on the sidewalk before sitting on the curb of the parking lot, taking in the shopping center that he's seen billions of times already. The grocery store has a help wanted sign in the window, and apparently, there's a sale on tilapia fish this week. Meanwhile, the hair store, where his older sister bought a pack of braiding hair for his protective style, is having a BOGO sale on track packs. He runs an sepia-brown hand through his locs at the memory of his hair being gripped by her nimble fingers. The cafe beside it is sparse; but the sign out front says they have a new muffin flavor.

He stands, dusting off his jeans. He can smell the pizza place down ways as he strolls across the parking lot, making sure that his black Converse sneakers don't hit any uneven concrete. ‘Wouldn't want to faceplant in broad daylight.’

He reaches the door to the cafe and pauses, because there she is. Jade, his neighbor of the past year, who had the energy of an early-twenty-something, even though she's actually twenty-nine. She makes him feel funnily tired, like she's super great to be around; but, she'll want to do so many things at once. She invited him in for tea once because the mailman bundled a letter of her's in with his bills. She's sweet and bubbly everytime they cross paths.

She's got a blonde streak in her hair that frames her face, contrasting with the rest of her black, pulled-back, wavy hair. Her nails are painted pink and blue with black polka dots, most likely to match her pink work-shirt and black slacks that she's wearing now as she rings up a customer with a smile on her tawny-brown face.

He scrambles down the sidewalk, hoping she didn't see him at all. He sighs as he slows down, glancing back at the door to the shop as the bell on top chimes when a lady with two kids enters. He turns back around, taking a step towards the cafe. Until, an overly tan, beefy guy, who looks like he eats protein powder as a hobby, strolls out with a pink box and bottle of water.

‘Nope. I can't do it.’

He leans against the bricks and watches people come and go, trying not to sweat more as time flies by. He takes a steadying breath.

‘You can do this. Just go in there and talk to her.’

He shuffles back in front of the cafe's entrance, stumbling back as the pull door swings open, nearly hitting him in the face. It's the kids from earlier. There's various apologies given as they shuffle out of the shop. One of them holds the door for him, while the others huddle around to wait for their friend.

“T-Thanks. Have a nice day.”

“You too, sir,” the boy says, then sprints off to join his friends.

The bell chimes as the door closes behind him, cutting off the chilly breeze outside.

There isn't anyone at the register; so, he goes to sit down at a two person table that isn't in direct sight of the registers. He exhales, picking up a menu to peruse the options.

‘Hm, let's see... that looks good. Ooh, and that. Something sweet to go with the latte. Maybe, a red velvet muffin? Yeah, that works. Alright, okay,’ he stands, pulling his debit card out of his chain-link wallet and walking towards the registers.

There's no line.

And, Jade's back.

‘I can do this,’ his grip on his card tightens as she notices him. She smiles, “Hey! Mr. StealMyMail! How are you?”

“I'm alright,” he says, smiling at the nickname. He clears his throat. “how're you?”

“I'm good. Frankie is flying in to visit me next week! I'm so excited! Well, it's only for the week. Nevertheless, it's going to be so awesome!”

“That's great.”

“Thanks! Um, I mentioned you. I hope that isn't weird. He asked about any new friends or acquaintances. I thought it might be fun to all hang out sometime,” she smiles before clearing her throat with a fist. “Anyways, what can I get for you today, sir?”

The bell chimes faintly in his ears, indicating a new customer behind him; but, his mind goes blank, trying to process her words, as a cold sweat ripples under his skin,“Actually, where's your restroom, please?”

She points the way, looking concerned for him. He scurries off, trying to calm down as the restroom's hum echoes in his ears. He dashes into the end stall, nearly slipping on the gray, lemon-scented tiles. He locks it before flopping down onto the seat. He squeezes his eyes shut, leaning forward with his fingertips pressed to his face, trying to even his breaths. He tenses as he hears the restroom door open, heartbeat spiking momentarily at noise. His breathing echoes in the silence.

“Um, excuse me, but are you alright in there?” he hears gravily.

“I- ha, I'm fine, r-really. I just need a minute,” he wheezes out just as he sees checkered Vans stop in front of his stall.

“Okay,” the stranger crouches to sit criss-cross applesauce with his golden-brown hands in his lap, the bottom of his black hoodie and gray, ripped jeans only visible. “I'm Francisco by the way.”

“I’m-. My n-name is-,”

“It's cool, man. Deep breaths, okay?”

He nods shakily even though Francisco can't see him. He doesn't know how long it takes; but, It felt like hours had passed when he finally sucked in an easy breath.

“I-I'm okay now.”

“Good, good. Would you like to talk about it?”

“...I wanted a latte. A simple chocolate drizzled latte with whipped cream. And, I thought I could do this. But, Jade was so…energetic.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No! It's great, she's great. Really fun to be around. Super nice.”

“Oh, that the cashier girl with the pink nails?”

“Yeah. That's her.”

“Do you like her? Like, like-like her?”

“No. She's awesome, but no. I don't see her that way at all. She's my…friend? At least , I want her to be. She even gave me a gift card for a…free latte,” he sighs, rubbing his face. “And, I knew it was a longshot! But, I wanted to try; and, I was so close too! But, she mentioned meeting her boyfriend.”

“Hm, is he a dick? Is that why you're reluctant to meet him? Because he sucks?”

“Wha- No. …Yes? I honestly don't know him. I've never met him before. Jade wants me to. And, I would love to; but, it honestly sounds so terrifying!”

“Whoa, okay, deep breaths, remember? Can I offer you some advice, if you don't mind?”

“Y-Yeah, yes, sure.”

He sees Francisco's hands rummaging in his pockets, only to pull out a pen and scribble on one of the cafe's business-cards sliding it into the stall. He picks it up, turning it around in curiosity. 'I know you're scared but take deep breaths, okay? Don't overthink it. Deep breath in; deep breath out. You'll never know unless you try.’ His hazel eyes water a little more as he glances up; Francisco is gone.

He unlocks the door slowly, putting the card in his pocket before walking to one of the sinks to splash some water on his face. He takes a deep breath as he dries his face and hands. He gives his reflection a smile before walking back out into the cafe's entrance, absentmindedly looking towards the tables, only to do a double-take.

There's Jade and a guy with black twist braids, sitting at a four person table with drinks, their arms slightly brushing ever so often. Jade sees him and enthusiastically waves him over. He bites his bottom lip before walking over with measured steps. He stops beside their table. Jade waves him to sit down. There's a latte…with chocolate drizzle and whipped cream just like he wanted. The sharpie on the side of the cup reads: ‘For Avante. I hope you like it. -Frankie’. He looks up to see them trying to act like they aren't watching his stunned reaction. He appreciates that. He takes a deep breath, holding his hand out toward the ‘stranger’.

“H-Hi, I'm Avante.”

“Hi, I'm Francisco, but you can call me Frankie. It's nice to meet you,” he smiles, returning the handshake.

“Thanks for the latte. Uh, how much do I owe you guys?”

They both wave him off; Jade with ‘no, it's fine’ and Frankie with a smiley headshake,

“It's cool. I heard you had a coupon.”

[beef-brisket]

Lucifer was getting a sore back. Adam has been hugging him for nearly 30 minutes. He didn't mind, but be would like to move at some point.

But everytime he made a small movement, Adam held on tighter. He keeps whispering apologies and 'I love yous's. Lucifer was so lost. He only remembers blurry snippets of the last few days. He remembers a Dr? Then just Adam. Or what looked like Adam. The last solid memory he had was the crash. And the demon. Fuck.

Lucifer: Addy?

Adam: n-no Luci- please

Lucifer: I need to talk to you, Love. Okay? You can hold my hand if that'll help

Adam hugged Lucifer for a few more seconds before slowly letting go and grabbing his ha d instead. He never looked up at Lucifer. He couldn't. He feels so much shame. He hates himself for what he did.

Lucifer: can you talk to me, baby? How are you feeling?

Adam: ...sick

Lucifer: where?

Adam: everywhere... I want to take my skin off and bathe in fucking alcohol... i-im so sorry-

Lucifer quickly wiped a tear off Adams cheek. His poor Adam. He can feel his pain, Lucifer just doesn't know where it's coming from.

Lucifer: oh, Adam, don't say that. No one deserves that, especially not you-

Adam: I deserve it, Luci! After w-what I did-

Lucifer: what did you do?

Lucifer was sure there were a lot of bad things Adams had done, but nothing has had him so worked up before.

Adam: I... I don't want to say it-

Adamet go of Lucifers hand and covered his face. Lucifer could see how much he was shaking, trying not to cry.

Lucifer: ...can I guess?

Adam: what...?

Lucifer: if you're not comfortable saying, maybe I can guess, instead

Adam: ...y-youre going to hate me-

Lucifer: I could never hate you, love. I promise. Nothing you do could ever make me hate you-

Adam: i-i raped you

Adam quickly covered his face and cries. Lucifer has never seen him cry so much, it was heartbreaking. Lucifer didn't feel sore and his teeth were all there. He feels perfectly fine.

Lucifer: addie- what? What do you mean?

Adam: e-earlier... we went to the Dr because I was worried you had a brain... issue because of the crash but it was just my stupid, bullshit, fucking-

Lucifer: Adam. It's okay, love. Really. Keep going

Adam: ...t-the Dr guy came onto me- a-and grabbed- me... so I took you and we ran- i-i was so close to fucmimg him Luci- I could feel it- it's been so long- and m-my fucking head was killing me- but I didn't! I didn't let him do anything! We j-just left! B-but you could tell something was up with me- fuck, I didn't know you were u-hnder my control- i-i just... fuck, I shouldn't have done it-

Adam stopped talking as Lucifer kissed him softly.

Lucifer: you need to breathe, love. You're going to give yourself a panic attack or something. What did we do?

Adam: ...you blew me

Lucifer: okay, anything else?

Adam: okay? That's it- that's all you have to say?

Lucifer: well, yeah, babe. Did we do anything else?

Adam: ...no.

Lucifer: darling. Were you getting yourself worked up because I blew you?

Adam: y-you had no choice!

Lucifer: Adam, I'd blow you whenever you want, like I'm sure you'd blow me whenever I want. Right?

Adam: I'd blow you right now.

Lucifer: Exactly. You didn't rape me, love. I hate seeing you like this. You've been paranoid and on edge since we got back from the asylum. When did you last sleep?

Adam: ...whe did we get back from out last hunt?

Lucifer pulls his phone out of his pocket and looks at the date.

Lucifer: four days ago. How many hours have you gotten?

Adam: ...5... maybe 6

Lucifer can see how tired Adam is. He's been on edge for days, and them he had to look after Lucifer. He wouldn't dare leave his side or fall asleep. He couldn't. Not if there were demons hanging around.

Lucifer stood and hugged Adam, who leaned into it. He was so tense, and he was still shaking. Lucifer has never had someone care for him so much. He needs to calm him down. His poor Adam.

BOO

@fanofstuff01 BOO TO YOU TO BOOO

Happy spooky month! This is bullshit! I'm in pain and have a headache, so take this au, my beautiful online friends!

Dentist!Adam au.

He's a menace. He's not even a real dentist. He just walked into a random dental office and put on a uniform.

I feel sorry for whoever his patients are because fuck numbing- he just pulls out the fucking tooth. And it's usually the wrong tooth. So you have to go back.

He's the only dentist in this area, so good luck finding someone else.

You'll either get your teeth cleaned or he'll ride you- there's no in-between.

People honestly prefer having sex with him because he's actually really fucking hot. As you can guess, people really don't like it if he's in his working heads pace.

Penitent: I- uh- I'm here for 69ing-!

Adam: Sorry, babe, but that canine's gotta come out. Maybe next time~

He fucking eats the teeth. He's a fucked up tooth fairy. He doesn't make the rules.

Then Lucifer comes in. A monster hunter and collector of bones. Monster bones.

He hears about some creepy fuck taking people's teeth out, so he goes to see what's up.

He gets an appointment, but he doesn't let Adam touch him. He instantly knows what he is because he's got the sharpest fucking teeth.

Adam is instantly infatuated with this guy. He loves monster hunters. They taste great.

And Adam thinks this guy is going to be an easy kill because holy shit, this guy is so fucking small.

Lucifer doesn't reeeally want to kill Adam because even though he's creepy, he hasn't killed anyone. So, he finds the basement where Adam lives and ties him up.

Adam: ooh~, what are you going to do to me, Mr big, bad monster hunter~?

Lucifer: I'll going to take your head once I find a fucking person you've killed

Adam: take my head, huh? Oh, baby~, I'd rather take yours~. Allll night~.

Lucifer: ...

Did the real dentist fuck off or something lmao I'm loving this though.

Lucifer: Seriously?

Adam: Yeah, I see the outline from here big boy.~ I can take it.~

Lucifer: You eat people's teeth like potato chips.

Adam: Girls gotta eat babe.~

[existential-queeer]

I saw someone mention that the last time Buck and Eddie weren't on the same engine, Buck ended up getting his leg crushed by a firetruck. Which, yeah, that happened, but it seems like EVERYTIME Buck and Eddie are separated at all, something had happens.

1. On different firetrucks? Buck gets his leg crushed.

2. Buck and Eddie momentarily separated at the party? Blood clot.

3. Eddie in the well and Buck not down there with him? Eddie nearly dies.

4. Eddie in the burning house with the kid and Buck outside, not with him? Nearly could've fuckin died.

5. Buck stuck at home and Eddie at work? Tsunami!

6. Buck and Eddie can't talk because of the lawsuit? Eddie starts fighting and goes to jail.

7. Buck in the burning building in Buck Begins and Eddie is outside? Buck nearly fucking dies.

8. Buck and Eddie separated for a moment in Jinx? Eddie sees Ana again (yes im counting this as a bad thing).

9. Eddie working and Buck being with him but not working officially as his partner when they save that boy's mom? Eddie gets shot.

10. Ana is assumed to be Christopher's mom? Panic attack!

But Eddie DIDN'T have a full blown panic attack at the firehouse when Ana was assumed to be his wife and you know why? Because Buck was there. As soon as Ravi made that comment, Eddie looked to BUCK. Not Ana. Buck. He looked to Buck for comfort and he was the only one who seemed to realize that something was wrong.

MY POINT IS!!!! BAD THINGS HAPPEN WHEN OUR BOYS ARE SEPARATED AND SO THEM HAVING NEW PARTNERS IN 5X05 AND MAYBE 5X06 AND 5X07, IT'S NOT GONNA GO WELL!

NOTHING. GOOD. HAPPENS. WHEN. THEY'RE. SEPARATED.

It's like the universe is screaming at you, and you refuse to listen.

[bteezxyewriter12]

Mr. Park~ Pick Up

Pairing- Seonghwa x Named Reader

Word Count- 2.8k

Includes- Dilf Seonghwa, Age Gap- Everyone is consenting adults, Feelings, Blow job while driving, car sex, riding, multiple orgasms, fluff

Series Masterlist

I'm on my way to pick up Joanne from work. It's only been three days but I miss her and I want to see her

God, she's turning me into a high school boy again

I don't know where we're going to go. Yoonah's at home so we can't go there. We can't go to her house

I don't know yet but I'll figure it out. I park in the back of the parking lot of the Sephora she works at. I had no clue she had a job. But then I don't really know a lot about her except for her body and she's loving

I should fix that . The Sephora isn't that far from her house. She told me she usually walks home. It's a 20 minute walk

The only thing is that the store closes at 8 and she says she has to stay after to fix the store, so she's out at like 9 or 9:30. She has to work the night shift because of school. I'm not really sure why her parents let her walk home in the dark but she's not doing that if I can help it

My phone lights up with a text

"I'm coming out", she texts

"I'm in the back of the lot", I answer

She sends me a 👍🏻

I just smile. I've noticed that when we text she sometimes uses emojis and memes. Mostly they're hilarious ones. I've tried sending a few but for me it's weird

Another age gap thing

It shouldn't bother me but it does

Staring through the windshield, I watch her walk out of the store with her co-workers. They gather by the door while someone locks it. Then I see all of them start to walk together to the parking lot. Are they all coming here?

My panic is relieved when they all wave at each other as they start to break apart. I watch Joanne hurrying over to my car

My god she's going to kill me with these outfits. Black skirt, a low cut long sleeved lace shirt and combat boots

Then I notice her hair. From the middle of her hair the black changes to grey then to white at the ends. She dyed it. And she looks gorgeous with it

She opens the door and gets in. When she looks at me, her mouth drops. Uh what?

"You ok?", I ask

"No!"

"Uh what's wrong?"

"You're so fucking hot! I didn't know you have a leather jacket. And the white t-shirt", her eyes glance down to my black pants, "Oh god. It's not fair"

I smirk because it feels so good that she's saying this. Everytime she comments on my looks, I get unbelievably happy

And shy but I play it off as if I'm not

"Me? Jagi I nearly had a heart attack when I saw you walking to me. That short fucking skirt, you're pretty boobs out. And the boots look so good on you"

Her entire face is red, a shy look on her face

"And you're hair jagi. I like it a lot. It's so pretty."

"Thanks Hwa", she smiles shyly

"You're beautiful jagi", I tell her

Her smile gets wider and she launches herself at me, her arms around my neck, her lips against mine. I kiss her hard, missing the way her lips feel against mine

She pulls away, putting her hand on the side of my face and touching gently, a soft smile on her face. She gives me a quick kiss, then sits back in her chair. I want to take her back in my arms but we have to move from the parking lot before the security drives around

Putting the car in drive, I start driving aimlessly

"Where are we going?", She asks, taking my hand in hers

Why does that small gesture make my heart race. All she's doing is holding my hand

Pulling it together, I answer, "I dunno jagi. I don't really have a place to go."

"Oh, it's ok. I just wanna be with you"

That warms my heart. The things she always says to me are things other girls never said. And it's crazy that it's a young girl saying them. And meaning them. She's not like any girl I've ever met

"I wanna be with you too jagi"

She smiles, holding my hand tighter. I decide to try to find out more about her

"I didn't know you had a job baby"

"Yeah Hwa. I worked in a Sephora before we moved here. I've been working since I was fifteen"

"Wow really?" That's young

"Yeah well where I was, all my friends worked and it was just something teenagers do."

"Where are you from?"

"Originally, New York. Then when I was sixteen we moved to Scotland for a year, then here a month before I turned eighteen"

Oh wow that's a lot of moving

"Why did you move?"

"Dad's job. He works in a business company that moved him around. I don't mind, I like living in new places"

"You speak Korean really well", I comment. She's only been here for two years

"Yeah, I studied really hard on it. I didn't want to be the American who doesn't adapt to their surroundings. I took extra classes on the weekend and Yoonah helped me too"

I did not know that. But I do remember Yoonah going out a lot last year to help a friend study. I didn't know it was her though

"Well it paid off baby. You speak it well"

She shrugs, "Sometimes I get stuck with somethings. And I'm getting better at reading it and writing it. I still study it all the time. I like it here and I don't want to leave. I'm old enough to live on my own if my dad has to get transferred again. That's also why I work. To save money"

Damn, she's really thinking of her future

"I can help you too jagi"

She glances over at me, "Yeah"

"Of course baby"

"Thanks"

"So what is it you wanna do?", I asks genuinely interested

"Make up artist"

I can see that. She does her eye makeup all the time and she's really good at it

"Is that what you do here?"

She nods, "Yeah. I do makeup for people who want to try shit out. I also have a deal with my school"

"What kind of deal?", I ask

"Well the only reason I'm still in high school is because of three classes, science, korean and math. I those in the morning. Then I have lunch with Yoonah, then I leave and go to another school for makeup and hair"

"Wow really?"

I had no idea the school allows that. That's very advantageous for kids who know what they want to do with their life. She has everything planned out while Yoonah has no idea what she wants to do

"How long have you been doing that?"

"Just this year, so seven months. I have maybe another year."

"And after?"

This is really interesting

"I wanna do make up for idols"

My heart drops. Idols? Male idols?

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I really want to do it for a girl group. There's so much more I can do for girls than guys."

I relax. I have to stop being jealous. She's not mine, she's just someone I have sex with

But I know that's not true. I like her. How much I don't know but I do like her

"How many days do you work?", I ask

"Depends on the week. Four or five"

"And they're all night shifts?"

"Unless it's Saturday. Then I do a morning or afternoon shift. I'm off Sundays"

An idea forms in my head of how I can see her more

"Ok jagi, tell me when you work and I'll pick you up and take you home"

"No Hwa, it's ok. I can walk"

"No jagi, I don't want you to walk at night. I'm just going to be worried about you"

"Hwa it's fine. I've been doing it for over a year"

That may be but now that I know, I'm not ok with it

"Well either you let me pick you up or I'll just come and follow you home in my car to make sure you're ok"

She laughs, "You're too much. But fine. You can pick me up. I'll allow it"

"Yes you're Majesty", I joke

She chuckles, picking up our hands and kissing the back of mine. Heat runs up my arm and it feels so good

"Thanks Hwa"

"Of course baby"

A few minutes later, she takes hers hand out of mine and I feel her pulling at my belt. Uh what now?

"Jagi-",

"Shhhh baby", she shushes

And I'm in pure joy when she calls me baby. Her hands open my belt, undo my button and zipper. Is she really going to blow me while I'm driving?

I feel her take my cock out and her wet mouth around me. Yeah she is. Placing her tongue on the underside of my head, she sucks and I gasp from the fucking pleasure

"Jjj...jagi...I...I don't know....if I can-"

"Just drive Hwa", she demands, then goes back to sucking my dick

Oh man this is going to be so fucking hard to do. Thank god it's night and nobody is really on the road

Her head is bobbing up and down, taking me all in, her throat so fucking tight

My brain registers there's a red light in front of me but my foot isn't moving to the break quick enough. I almost blow it but then I realize what's happening and I slam on the breaks, jostling us forward in the seats

A car goes racing past the front of mine. That car would of hit us if I didn't stop. Jesus

"Do you want me to stop?", she asks, looking widely out of the windshield

I should say yes. It's dangerous. But I want it bad. I want to cum down her throat, making her swallow everything I give her

"No baby, get my cock back in your throat", I order, shoving her head back down

She immediately takes me back, sucking hard and deepthroating me. The pleasure comes back and I feel dazed

When the light turns green, I go slowly

Glancing down, I see her holding her hair to the side and I have a clear view of her mouth sliding my cock in all the way. Fuck, that's so fucking hot

I look up and swerve, narrowly missing a parked car

'Pay attention', I yell at myself

Turning down a dark street by a park, I look for a place to pull over

My cock hits the back of her throat and I can't hold it

"Fuck baby!", I cry, my eyes closing as I spill down her throat

Fuck that orgasm took me by surprise

Then I remember I'm driving and I snap my eyes open. And again swerve last minute to avoid hitting a fire hydrant. She swallows on my cock hard, pleasure blasting again

"Fuck fuck fuck"

And she keeps going, licking, sucking, playing with my cock in her mouth. And I'm so surprised that I'm getting hard again. I find a spot that's covered by trees and I pull over, parking

Pulling her head up, I growl, "Get your panties off and get on my cock. Right now"

She nods, pulling them off while I move the seat back, pulling my pants and boxers down, then taking off my jacket, throwing it in the back

She climbs in my lap, kissing me passionately, her tongue already in my mouth

"Please baby", I plead, then kiss her again, "Please put me in. I need to be inside you"

God I need it. I need to feel her around me. She pulls away, leaning over and suddenly the seat flies back all the way and I'm laying down

She grabs my dick and holding me up, sinking down on me

"Fuck me!", I moan, feeling her taking me in

Gripping her thighs, I help her, pulling her down until she's sitting flush against me. God, it feels better and better every time, hugging my cock so tightly, so wet all over me

"Fuck Seonghwa, you're so fucking perfect for me", she moans

"Yes baby fuck yes. You're perfect for me too"

She pushes my shirt up, her hands on my chest and abs. She bites her lip, looking at me, then slowly she moves, sliding up. I wait in anticipation for her to go back down

She slides down fast, crying out in pleasure while I do the same. And it's like after that she just goes at it, fucking me hard and fast

"So good princess", I moan

Looking down at her, I'm surprised that she took her skirt off. She's bare from the bottom down and can watch her hole swallowing my cock over and over, leaving my length drenched every fucking time. I can't tear my eyes away, just watching

"Like watching baby?", she giggles

I nod, "Yeah baby. You're pussy looks so pretty on my cock"

"Mmmhmm want to be pretty for you"

Is she kidding? She's fucking stunning

"You are princess. You always are"

She grips my arms hard, bouncing so fucking hard. While she bounces I shift her a little new new angle letting her smash her spot on my head

"Oh, oh god", she moans

"There we go baby girl. Fuck your spot on my head"

She nods, moving even faster, panting

"Fuck, look at my little bunny go", I praise her

"Uh huh", she answers

I move my hand to her clit and play with it

"Oh fuck Seonghwa!"

"Make a big mess on my cock princess, I want to see it"

Her moans get louder and louder the closer she gets. She's half on my cock when her pussy spasms and she cums, screaming my name. Pleasure courses through me but I keep my eyes on her pussy, watching her cum run down the part of my length not inside her

Fuck me, I love seeing that

"So pretty", I murmur, more to myself than her

"Hmmm?", she asks, her orgasm tapering off

"My cock looks so fucking good covered in your cum jagi"

"Fuck Hwa", she whimpers

She takes a few seconds, then she moves again, slamming on my cock over and over

"More bunny?", I smirk, "You're cunt hungry for cock?"

"Just hungry for yours", she pants, "Just yours Seonghwa"

I hope to God she's being serious

"That's good baby because my cock just wants to be inside you"

"Yeah baby, anytime you want", she assures me

"Good girl"

Then next move down, I thrust up into her

"I'm gonna give it to you baby ok?"

She nods, slowing down. I hold her hips hard and slide her up halfway on my cock. Then I fuck up into her, making sure I hit her spot. I'll always make sure I hit that and give her as much pleasure as she's giving me

"Oh god"

Laughing, I jack hammer my cock into her pretty tiny pussy

For being so small, she really takes me amazingly, never complaining. And never saying it hurts. Thank god for that because I never want to hurt her. I want her to want me always

The pounding I'm giving her makes her choke my cock so hard, I gasp from the pleasure

"Seonghwa...I... Hwa..", she trails off into a moan

"C'mon my good girl", I whisper and it like that all she needed

"Seonghwa", she whimpers, releasing on me

I watch her pussy, tighten hard, straining around my cock. The pleasure and that sight is all I need and I bottom out, spurting my cum inside

"Joanne, yes princess fuck"

Breathing hard, I fall back against the seat, completely satisfied. I'm always satisfied with her and I hope to God she is too

She leans against the window, her eyes closed. Taking her hand, she opens her eyes as I pull her to me. She moves and I fall out of her as she lays on me, her head on my shoulder and her face in my neck

Wrapping my arms around her, I hold her tightly

God, why does this feel so right?

Her small hand holds onto my shirt and it's so cute. I turn and kiss her forehead, noticing her eyes are close

"Jagi?", I call softly

"Mmmm", she answers

"Tired baby?"

She nods

"I'll take you home ok?"

She shakes her head, "Not yet"

"But you're gonna fall asleep princess"

"Just a few more minutes Hwa? I don't want to leave you yet"

How can I say no to that? Especially when she's asking and I really just want to hold her

"Ok baby, for a few minutes ok?"

She nods, cuddling into me more and my heart completely melts

I'm starting to feel way more for her than I should

I have to get a hold on it. It'd never work with us. She's young and maybe she doesn't know what she wants

But for now I just enjoy having her in my arms for a little while

@hijirikaww @sherrybirkingirl @sktbzc0re

[blurby-in-the-wild]

CHAPTER 2 BABYYY WOOHOOOOO

btw this is posted on ao3 too so if you wanna go check it out that’d mean a lot to me :)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41409852/chapters/103844832#workskin

Chapter 2: You Nearly Have A Panic Attack Three Times

To-Do

•Fix that one arcade cabinet again

•Tune the Bastard™'s (Monty) guitar

•Clean Chica's mouth cavity, also make sure to bring pizza because she asked for some last time and promised she'd hold off on eating garbage if you got her some

•Fix the soda machine in the daycare entrance

It was going to be a rough day, if your to-do list was anything to go by.

That one arcade cabinet always needed some sort of fix, so you weren't too worried about it, it would just be tedious. Monty was, as the list proclaimed, a Bastard™, but again, nothing you couldn't stand to do. Chica was nice to listen to, despite having to clean garbage out of her every time you saw her. But the daycare? Did it really have to be the daycare?

Whatever, it's a problem for future you to deal with.

'Okay,' You think 'Easiest one first. Time to pay good ol' perpetually fucked up cabinet a visit.'

You make your way to the west arcade, mindful of the children running about, screaming their heads off about meeting the Glamrocks. You couldn't imagine why they'd want to meet them, save for Freddy, seeing as the others were self-absorbed in one way or another. Roxy was "A diva of the highest order," (Her words, not yours), Monty was a grade A prick, and Chica- okay she's actually pretty cool, but the fact you had to clean garbage out of her stomach cavity regularly said so much. She's nice to listen to though, so no judgement on your end.

You pass the threshold of the arcade and navigate your way to the perpetually broken arcade cabinet on instinct (or maybe your pattern recognition software has improved enough to give the illusion of instinct) and kneel next to the panel to access the wires.

It always felt odd, messing about with what was essentially robo-flesh, but you had gotten used to the pit in your stomach that formed whenever fixing these things, considering you were the only who actually got stuff done.

Immediately you noticed the problem, the wires had been connected to the wrong ports. Again. Now, you'd think that it would be simple enough, right? Except it wasn't, because someone had fucked up when manufacturing it and labelled the ports incorrectly, so now everytime anyone other than you tried to fix it, they only made it worse.

Still an easy fix, just tedious. Like clockwork, as soon as you connected the last wire, it switched on. You stood up from the kneeling position you were in and gazed at the display. Something about Chica and rainbows.

That had taken less time than you expected, however, and now you had the looming prospect of tuning Monty's precious 'Baby Bass' (Yes, he calls it that.) Which meant having to deal with the prick yourself. Yay.

You check fixing the arcade cabinet off the to-do list, muster up all your patience, and make your way to rockstar row. The crowd of children and exhausted adults has only thickened, to your dismay. You carefully navigate your way through the dense crowd and finally arrive at rockstar row.

Rockstar row had surprisingly few people running around, though that wasn't surprising considering there would be a performance soon. Which meant you needed to get this done quickly.

Gently easing the door to Monty's room open, you are greeted by a big, metallic hand roughly pulling you in.

"Where the FUCK have you been? My guitar has been out of tune since this morning," He pauses to poke a clawed digit into your chest (it hurt) "I have a show in fifteen minutes, so you better get your sorry metal ass to work, otherwise I'm gonna turn you into scrap."

Yep. Just as much a prick as usual.

You push past him, bumping shoulders (or your shoulder into his arm; the Glamrocks are pretty tall compared to you) and snatch up his guitar. You quickly locate the cord, flip up the port flap on your chest, and plug it in. From there, it's just running a retuning program- one you made yourself -and waiting.

Just for fun, you decide to stare Monty straight in the eyes while doing this. Because you are fuelled by spite and battery acid. He shifts uncomfortably and looks anywhere but you. You continue to blankly stare at him. He continues to look uncomfortable. Serves him right for being such a dickhead.

…

…

Ding!

The noise causes Monty to jump about a foot into the air and it takes all your willpower not to double over with silent laughter. You unplug the guitar from your chest and he immediately snatches it up and strums a chord "Sounds good enough," He grunts, "Now get outta my room."

The whole process took maybe 10 minutes, so you happily oblige, but still catch him muttering something about having a headache. Which is bullshit, because animatronics can't get headaches, so he's just being dramatic. Typical.

Well. You wish that had taken longer, however much a hell it would have been still preferable to visiting the daycare.

'I'll be fine, totally cool, I'll just be in and out, unless he sees me, or he needs to be worked on last minute, or-‘

RED ALERT! GLAMROCK FREDDY HAS EXPERIENCED A MALFUNCTION ON STAGE. IMMEDIATE MAINTENANCE REQUIRED. PROCEED TO PARTS AND SERVICES AT ONCE.

The mechanical voice blared in your head, echoing in your gears and shaking you out of the spiral you were in, forcing your feet to stomp their way to parts and services. You're happy for the distraction, and the fact you didn't have to move your own feet, however creepy it may be that management can just force you to do things.

At the door, apparently waiting for you, is Freddy's handler, wringing their hands nervously. They light up once they see you, and you run a quick scan of their employee profile.

Prefered Name: Raccoon Kinsley

Pronouns: They/Them

Status: Handler

Height: 6'4

Note: Seems very invested in the safety of their charge. Has anxiety. In a committed relationship with Roxy's handler.

You give them a once over, noting the baby blue hair done up in double buns and freckles that litter their face and shoulders. They have heart-shaped sunglasses. You think that says enough about them.

"Oh, thank god you're here! I sent out the alert as soon as I could, but I'm not authorized to enter parts and services, so they just took him in there and- " You let them continue to ramble, seeing as it seemed to calm them down, and pressed your hand against the electric lock.

It pops open and you are met with the realization you haven't actually worked on Freddy before. Guess management didn't think you were capable until now. Which is sad, considering you're technically a senior mechanic. And the only one who got shit done, but that's neither here nor there.

You enter the protective cylinder and Raccoon sprints up to it, pressing their hands against the reinforced glass "Freddy! Are you okay? I was so worried when I saw what happened!" You walk over to the mechanical operating table and immediately assess the physical damage, and grab the tablet (It's technically called a 'Faz-pad', which is just hilarious) to run the regular diagnostics.

The physical damage- a few scratches from falling down, but that was it. Those would need to be buffed out, but that wasn't your job.

“I’m okay, Raccoon. There is no need to worry. It was just a breach of my firewall,” You looked at him incredulously, “Luckily, my systems managed to isolate it for now.” You let out a metaphorical sigh of relief. If it was still running through his systems, he could have shut down at any moment, making it impossible to do anything to help. And as much as you dislike the other Glamrocks (Aside from Chica) Freddy had only ever been nice to you, despite being under the assumption you weren't… Aware.

He turns to you, “I just need an antivirus run,” He leans in towards you, whispering “And please do it quickly, my servers are fighting to keep it at bay. I did not want to frighten Raccoon by mentioning this to them.” You nod and pull up the homemade antivirus program you saved for serious situations (And whenever you detected a virus in your own system) and quickly ran it.

It quickly found the isolated intruder, but there was just one teensy tiny problem. It was the beefiest fucking virus you'd ever had the displeasure of dealing with. No wonder Freddy's servers couldn't do shit against it.

It was going to take a while to fix this. And the awkward silence in the room was already thick enough to cut with a knife. You glance down at the antivirus program and check the estimated time left.

Estimated Wait Time: 50 Minutes

Well, fuck.

Raccoon is basically on the verge of tears at this point, and the silence is near deafening, so you stride over to the door and let them in. They mutter a small "Thank you" and shuffle past you to make small talk with Freddy, hopefully better than you could, but your hopes weren't high.

"What is the estimated time?" You glance up at Freddy, still laid across the operating table, and tap the screen of the Faz-Pad. He makes a noise like if he were choking, and Raccoon plops themself onto the floor. "Well, if we're gonna be here that long, I'm gonna get Lilith to come here cuz I wanna annoy her."

"Would that not mean Roxy needs to visit as well?" Freddy turns to them, though he was still strapped to the table, so it looked pretty uncomfortable "Yeah, but Roxy will be fine. Besides, all the performances that were scheduled for later were canceled."

Freddy's ears folded back at that. Raccoon didn't seem to notice. He seems deep in thought, the kind of thought where you tear yourself to bits over something. You know that feeling. You pause for a moment, debating whether or not to do anything. You pat his shoulder and turn away again.

'I hope to Faz-god I didn't just overstep, oh god that was so awkward I shouldn't have done that what was I-'

And you are knocked out of your spiral, again, by somebody knocking on the protective cylinder. Jeez, can't anyone have a mental breakdown around here?

You run a scan of the person as Raccoon lets them in.

Prefered Name: Lilith Graham

Pronouns: She/Her

Status: Handler

Height: 5'5

Note: In a committed relationship with Freddy's handler. Seems to be friends with DJ Music Man.

She has red hair. Her and Raccoon are matching in that, you suppose. Red and blue couples are always cute, and these two are no different, already wrapped around each other on the floor, Raccoon trying to fit into Liliths lap.

You look away, feeling weird about watching them do that (and another reason, but you don't want to unpack that right now) and notice Roxy, standing next to Freddy and chatting away.

You can't help but feel out of place.

Estimated Wait Time: 43 minutes

You don't think you can take this much longer. 'I'll be fine. I'll just pull something up to distract me…' You log into your Youtube account (Don't ask; it took bribing the S.T.A.F.F. bots to get, and they kinda freaked you out) and connect it to your head so only you hear it.

Eventually you land on just watching an engineering video; something about robot-dogs- but you're much more interested in the conversation Roxy and Freddy are having.

"I don't know, it just feels like he's trying to be seen as an asshole." You think that's a bit rich coming from Roxy, but that's neither here nor there, "Language, Roxanne!" Lilith calls out from her position in Raccoons lap. Her hair is now braided, little paper mache flowers littered throughout. You look away. "I think that's a strong way to put it, Roxy, though he can be rude sometimes, I will admit."

"Sometimes? Freddy, he is constantly rude, except to kids. Even then, sometimes." Roxy deadpans at him.

'Oooh drama…' Maybe this wasn't going to be that bad. Eavesdropping being a favorite hobby of yours and all. "I will say he's gotten worse lately- more aggressive, that is." Freddy says, and while you haven't noticed a difference, Roxy nods in agreement "Finally, I thought you'd never notice." She checks her nails, something she only did when she was feeling particularly victorious over someone, and Freddy looks to be in thought. "You should probably talk to him about it, it could be bad for his image…" Lilith chimes in. You don't look at her.

Roxy chuffs at that, as if she hadn't considered that "Ah, maybe… but I don't really want to deal with him if he blows up on us. Maybe we could convince Alex to help?" At this point, you've completely tuned out of the conversation. You didn't want to deal with the interpersonal drama, nor the bubbling feeling of longing you felt when you so much as glanced in the direction of the local happy couple.

Nope, you were going to fill the aching hole in your chest with long-form video essays. Repression all the way, baby! (Does the Pizzaplex offer therapy?)

You click on a video about speedrunning. It distracts you long enough that when the telltale ping of confirmation for the completion of the antivirus run through Freddy's systems sounds, you flinch. Freddy notices. You notice him notice you. He tilts his head, and you worry for a moment.

No one really knows of your… Awareness, so it's a slightly frightening prospect to finally be seen again instead of being ignored.

(Sunny knows. Coward.)

You wonder if he would tell anyone. If you two would be friends. You've been staring at each other for a good few seconds now. You lift up the tablet and tap it, showing it to be complete. He nods, and you get up.

Lilith perks up, "Is it done? We've been in here for-everrrr…" You nod without looking at her and undo the bindings on Freddy.

She hops off of her partners lap, stretches, and checks her phone "Holy canoli, it's already noon! C'mon, we gotta get to El Chips before Alex!" She pulls Raccoon to their feet, an impressive feat for someone a whole head smaller than them, and Raccoon calls out, "Freddy, I give you express authority to do whatever, but try to conserve power please! And also don't go anywhere too crowded-" The rest is cut off by the door closing behind them.

"Those two are adorable. I'm more adorable, of course, but they come close." Roxy turns to leave, "But Lilith will probably get lost, so I better follow them, just in case." And with that, she's gone.

Which leaves you and Freddy. Alone. Great. Just wonderful.

'Is he suspicious? Does he know? What if he reports me, what if they wipe my memory? Will he-'

He's suddenly up, off the table. He puts a large metallic paw on your shoulder, and it feels nice. It's comforting, nothing like the way Monty had touched it.

"Thank you for knocking me out of my own head. I- I needed that." You look up at him, more than a bit shocked that he didn't threaten to have you scrapped, wiped, something malicious.

But no. There's nothing hateful behind his eyes, just gratitude. You nod at him. He smiles. You wish you could do it back.

He walks out of the protective cylinder, leaving behind a little seedling of hope in your metallic chest that maybe people can be good and nice sometimes.

It feels nice.

(I still need to clean out Chica.)

(I think I'm gonna stay here a little while, instead.)

[let-them-read-fics]

Safe With Me

Pairing: Jennie x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~ 1,690

Warnings / Misc. -- Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Happy Ending

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Hey everyone! Here’s my first writing for Jennie; I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think! 

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

“Y/N, it’s Jennie. She needs you.”

The second that your brain processes those words, you’re on your feet, mind beginning to race. 

After the staff had called you in a panic earlier, you came as soon as you could. They failed to inform you, though, that it was something concerning Jennie -- likely because they knew you’d drive like a maniac in order to get there as fast as humanly possible.

“What happened?”

“She had an attack on stage earlier and she still hasn’t fully calmed down. We got her some water and she’s in her dressing room right now, but she keeps asking for you.”

With that, you thank the backup dancer and exit the waiting room, quickly making your way to her. The winding hallways of the backstage area seem longer than they ever have before, and you can’t help the antsy feeling that creeps over you. 

Upon turning the corner, you spot Jisoo outside of Jennie’s door, a heavy look of contemplation on her face. When her eyes meet yours, worry flashes across her features -- considering how strong she always stays for the other girls, this comes as a bit of a surprise. Despite the stutter in your step after seeing that, you continue on nonetheless.

Rosé and Lisa are further down the hall, the low chatter of their voices carrying over to Jisoo and yourself. “This one was pretty bad, Y/N. Take care of her, okay? I’ll keep the others occupied.” With a nod, the two of you part ways, and you open the door.

You make sure to enter slowly, not wanting to burst in and frighten her in her already anxious state. “Hey, jagi. Come here.” The words come out softly, a gentle request, as you open your arms to her and sit down beside her on the small couch. Wordlessly, she crawls over to you and settles against you. Now, holding her close, you can feel every tremble and sniffle that she lets out. Your world shatters a little more with each erratic pulse of her untamed heart -- you can feel every beat against your own chest. Her head is resting on your shoulder, her warm cheek pressing against your skin, and her lips lightly brush your neck.

It wasn’t anything sexual -- it’s something that she does everytime you hold her, no matter what. She once told you that it brought her comfort to feel your pulse point against her lips, the steady beat working to regulate her own. So, everytime she gets anxious, you assume this position with her. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner, but I’m here now, baby. I’m not going anywhere.” Your left hand rubs soothing circles on her lower back as you use your other to play with her hair, knowing the calming effect it has on her. Her body begins to relax into you, and you feel the weight start to lift from your shoulders.

Having an inconsiderate boss always sucked, but never more so than at times like these. Even after explaining your reason for needing to leave early, he didn’t budge. He fired off the cliché, “If I let you do it, then I’ll have to let everyone do it too!” In a moment of crisis, Jennie needed you more than anyone else, and you couldn’t even be there for her. Even though it wasn’t your fault, you can’t help but feel guilty about it. Her reasoning for finding such comfort in your mere presence still baffles you, but you’re always willing to offer it when she needs it. 

She must have noticed the dejected look on your face, because she pushes herself up enough to press a kiss to your cheek. “I love you; thank you for being here. Now, will you tell me about your day?” You nearly melt at the sound of her sweet voice, paired with her declaration of love. It still makes your heart skip a beat, and based on the light smile that tugs on her lips, you’re sure that she felt it.

Her words serve as your command, and soon you’re filling her in on everything that happened throughout the day. Jennie could listen to you talk about absolute nonsense for hours on end; she loves the sound of your voice, and she takes solace in the vibrations of your body as you speak. All of those things -- some of her favorite things about you -- are a combination that never fails to take her mind off of anything that’s stressing her out. If she’s honest with herself, everything about you cheers her up. The way your face lights up when you see her, the feeling of your arms wrapped around her, your sense of humor, your kindness, the warmth that you radiate just by being yourself -- she could go on and on forever. No amount of words could possibly convey how thankful she is for you and all that you do for her. 

It goes without saying that you feel the same way about her. You suffer from anxiety, too, and she’s always by your side in an instant whenever it gets especially hard to handle. Her perfume would wash over you, and she would pepper kisses across your skin. Words of affirmation would spill from her lips and drift to your ears, working to bring you back down to Earth. She always knew just what to do to help, and you often thank your lucky stars for aligning with hers.

Things like that can really make or break a relationship -- dealing with stressors and pressure is never easy, but it can certainly bring people closer together. Before you even started dating, Jennie knew you were special; being around you brought her comfort like no other, and she quickly realized that she would choose to spend all of her time with you if she could. Anytime she thinks about her future, you’re always in it; you’re a complex puzzle that she wants to spend her life unraveling and solving.

After spending the better part of an hour like that -- limbs entangled as you talk with one another -- Jennie’s feeling a lot better. Her heartbeat is steady now, and that suffocating feeling of panic is long gone. 

“What would I do without you, huh?” She asks, nudging your shoulder as she sits up to face you. 

“Hmmm, I don’t know,” You start, looking off dramatically while you pretend to think. “Probably be really bored without all of my awesomeness around.”

Your dorky response earns you a chuckle, and she shakes that beautiful head at you. 

“I think you might be right about that one.” She tilts her head to the side, her eyes shining with a look of pure adoration. 

She rests her forehead against yours and guides your hand to her chest. It’s her special thing that she always does after an attack; she wants you to be aware of what your help does to her. The rhythm of her heart is constant against your palm, and her fingers slide up to lace with your own. Knowing that she’s comfortable now is the only reward you could ever ask for.

“I love you so much, Jennie. You’re so strong.” 

“I couldn’t do it without you.”

Her lips find their way to yours, and you can taste the gloss on them as she deepens the kiss. Before long, she’s worked her way into your lap, her hair falling like a curtain around the two of you. Unbeknownst to you, moments like these got her through some very hard times; her mind would recall the memories of how her skin felt against yours, the sighs that would leave your lips as she would kiss down your jawline, how just one touch from you could send her wild, etc. Her safe place is you, and she’ll do everything in her power to always remind you of that.

Just as her fingers begin to undo the buttons of your shirt, the building’s intercom starts up, and the sound echoes loudly across the building. Jennie startles, falling forward against you, and lets out a surprised yelp. Despite your efforts, you can’t stop the small giggle that leaves your lips at how easily she gets scared. She playfully smacks your shoulder and tries to give you an angry look; she can’t keep it up for long, and soon the two of you find yourselves in the middle of a laughing fit.

You give her cheeks a little squish before saying, “You’re the cutest ever.” Following this, she boops your nose and replies with confidence: “I know.”

She pecks your lips one final time before standing up and tugging you along with her. “We’d better go find the girls now.” 

“Fiiiiiiiiine.” You drag out, your usual dramatic self coming back out to play. 

With that, the two of you head out to the main dressing room in search of the girls, hand in hand. 

~~~~~~~

“YAY! You’re here!” Lisa shouts, nearly knocking the two of you over with her bone-crushing embrace. 

“We sure are!” You struggle out, the words coming through as more of a pained wheeze than anything else.

Rosé and Jisoo manage to pry Lisa away, but soon all of you are hugging again anyway. Your little huddle is perfect, and you’re so thankful for the girls. Being surrounded by such genuine, talented people is a blessing, and you seriously wonder how you got so lucky. As the sounds of their jokes and laughter fill your ears, you can practically feel your heart soaring. 

“Time for dinner!” Rosé shouts, now walking out the door. 

“I’ll race you to the car!” Lisa rushes out, quickly darting past the other girl.

“Not fair, I wasn’t ready!” Their rapid footfalls fade as they get further and further away, and you just scoff at their antics. 

“Kids.” Jisoo says with a roll of her eyes, her inner mom showing.

Jennie leans into you, settling against your side, and lets out a content sigh.

In that moment, the dynamic between everyone so perfectly highlighted, you can’t help but think to yourself: there’s nowhere I’d rather be. 

[scrawnytreedemon]

Can’t sleep, mind going precisely 56 miles an hour, so I think I’ll finally get around to writing this.

Couples days back, I went ahead and finally psyched myself up to do the Zant bossfight.

Because I’d picked up where I’d left off yesterday, which was just before the boss room, obviously I was taken back to the beginning of the area. This gave the whole ordeal a trek, if a short one, what with the Palace of Twilight’s laughable length, and me more time to think.

I didn’t want to do this.

It sounds stupid, but I really didn’t want to do this. I’d cried the day before trying to psych myself up and failing, and I’d cried then, before the boss door, stalling by sweeping away the crystal-fog as best I could-- A meagre attempt at housekeeping, and a futile one. Of course I couldn’t. This isn’t that sort of game. This isn’t a game for failed attempts at kindness, at least trying to clean this awful, awful place for an awful, awful man going through awful, awful things. I was supposed to be a hero.

Heroes don’t make beds.

They don’t wash dishes, or hang laundry, or hold a rival’s hand,

They kill.

The trek didn’t stop past the door, either.

We still had to walk up the stairs. To the throne.

To him.

And I was there, laugh-crying, wishing I didn’t have to. That I could skip this pathetic ordeal.

I tried to turn around and leave.

Despite it only looking like a larger one of the many, many doors we’ve passed through this awful, nonsensical, poorly-designed excuse for a palace that no one could ever live in, it didn’t budge. There wasn’t any turning back. I had to go forward, because this is an action game, and violence is key.

The game takes the reigns. Link walks up to the throne, sword drawn, despite my deliberate decision to sheathe it. The narrative begins again. Midna sneers, and throws a taunt at him.

Zant sits, and smiles. Smiles like he thinks he still has some form of control, or knows full well he’s lost it.

You know, when I was working through the Palace of Twilight, I’d come to the realisation that... Zant locked himself in the throneroom. From the outside. Logistically, despite the good laugh I had over this guy locking himself in from the fucking outside, where his opponents can grab the key, he could get out easily-- teleportation and all. But even that aside, it still spoke to a level of hasty panic, that he would even keep the key outside, behind a waterfall of yet more shitty fog-crytals in the hopes that would deter them. Deter us.

How long had the guy been here, alone in that room?

We all know what happens next. Despite this being my first playthrough, I’ve probably seen this cutscene a dozen times. Zant has what amounts to an overly-dramatised autistic meltdown expositing himself and his motivations. That he was upset and felt like everything he’d worked for had been taken away from him. That he was angry, angry and fed up of being relegated to a half-existence. Midna retorts, Zant wails some more.

What gets me is that, when Ganondorf visits him, engulfs him in this flaming ball of fucked-magical-fuckery, he just. Stares. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t do anything. Ganondorf speaks as though he’s already decided that, yes, you will do, we will make a pact and rule Everything together; I will live on through you.

Did Zant even agree to this?

I think, subconsciously or not, he accepted it, but it begs the question of whether or not Zant was capable enough to partake in it.

Whatever the answer, he’s clearly not capable enough to partake in this. This fight.

It’s laughable, that I’m expected to find victory in this.

The fight was a fucking slog, 90% of the time. Some of these boss-battles I hadn’t played in nearly two years thanks to the impromptu hiatuses I’m so fond of taking, so I didn’t know what the fuck I was meant to be doing half the time-- And when I did, it lagged to shit everytime this poor bastard fired projectiles, because I was playing on the gamepad, because why on earth would I play this on the goddamn TV? It was a sad, pitiful encounter that I had to laugh my way through and also mumble “what the fuck“ on several occasions because I guess somebody at Nintendo ate cheese before bed and the dev team were so desperate to patch something together for this guy’s sudden crisis that they threw it in-- I’m obviously having a good laugh, but What The Fuck.

I knock the guy down in the last phase of the battle, the only one where he isn’t mimicking something else and dizzies himself spinning like a hyperactive child, and the game takes the reigns again. Midna prepares her hair. I look away-- I’ve seen it before, many times before, and it’s cartoonishly grotesque for a game that relies heavily on somber semi-realism. Midna has her own crisis-- And yeah, yeah bossbabe, I feel it.

It cuts back, and there’s a Heart Container on the guy’s throne.

I.

I killed a guy, and now I’m collecting his lifeforce. I stormed into the bunged-up attempt of a fortress conjured up as a last defense by a man who’s fallen head-first into insanity, tore through any meagre security measure like butter, murder the guy when he’s having an episode, he dies a fucked up death, and then I collect his lifeforce.

Is that fucked up or what?

For all of Zelda’s endless violence, rarely do you actually kill “people.“ It’s the kind of stuff reserved for the end, for Ganondorf, or some other corrupted nigh-demigod on the brink of losing their humanity, or never having possessed it.

We kill Zant.

Zant barely puts up a fight, and we kill him. Zant gets summoned from the netherworld by Ganondorf in Hyrule Warriors; we put him there in the first place.

If we were to view this from a literal, like this shit actually happened and these characters are to be held accountable standpoint, then what we did was justified-- If not wholly, then mostly. Zant got power-hungry, committed what amounts to a bio-terroristic coup on the government, disfigured his rival, a woman notorious for her beauty, then proceeded to attempt the same thing with Hyrule, leading to the indirect death of at least the people who got transfigured into Shadow-Beasts in Kakariko, and attacks you first, then yeah, no biggie?

But I’ll be fucking real with you chief, I don’t find it... I don’t know, persuasive? Effective? Compelling, would be the best word, to think of it that way?

What Zant is, is a narrative tool. One that was set up to be this big, bad interloper who you need to Take Down and Save Everything, as per usual Zelda format. The justification for why we should hate him, if I’m going to be honest, feels contrived, most of the time. He does some bad thing off-screen, Midna gets pissed, Midna and everyone within a 12-mile radius explains why we should be pissed in a way that often feels borderline developer-hand-y-- And that’s. Well that’s how Zelda usually is.

It’s justification to commit violence.

--To be clear, I don’t say this in a political sense. I mean it in the very literal “hit/kill a guy“ sense. And in all honesty, that’s kinda inherent to the ethos of action games. We enjoy catharsis-- We enjoy taking down big things, it’s satisfying! I’ve played a little Hyrule Warriors-- Loved the feel of it. Violence is inherent to even the most benign of action games, and it is what it is.

Where it falls short for me, is that with Zant, I don’t feel like I’m taking down some great foe that I should justifiably hate.

I feel like I’m a clearly more equipped person breaking into a room, and bludgeoning a mentally ill person.

I’m autistic. I may slot in easier to NT society than most, but I am autistic, and it makes me deeply uncomfortable to see something I’ve fucking gone through be used carelessly as flavour for a prelude to violence. I have meltdowns. They’re relatively rare, and mostly in my room, alone, but I’ve also experienced one out in public. It was only sobbing, but there’s a special kind of horror, of humilation in knowing other people, strangers, family, what have you, are seeing it, and all you can think is how much you failed.

I can’t fully articulate why I cried so much during this, quite frankly, menial ordeal. I’m half-embarrassed to even talk about it-- Because then that means caring too much, and I can’t care too much over a poorly-justified character that wasn’t even intended to be sympathised with and that most of the fandom laughs at. And I can’t say I blame them.

I guess at the end of the day it comes down to the ever-present pity; some strange, childish commiseration I’d indulged in ever since I was six and cooing over Bowser and how awful everything was for him, that despite my continuous efforts, I can’t ever seem to explain.

I didn’t like the Zant fight. It felt empty,

And all did was sweep cobwebs and try to turn back.

[lexwritess]

And It Was All Yellow [B.B]

Pairing- Bucky Barnes x Reader

warnings- anxiety, depression, panic attacks, death, blood, fighting

Word count- 2.2k

a/n- this is based on the song yellow by Coldplay link is in the fic if you want to listen while reading. I’m super proud of this I hope you guys enjoy it! It would be super appreciated if you reblogged so more people could see it!

-

“For you I’d bleed myself dry.”

You Bucky, Sam, Steve, and Nat were sent on a mission in Canada. Someone that used to work for HYDRA formed their own army, trying to fulfill what HYDRA wanted.

Currently you all were on a jet on the way there, discussing everything you know so far.

“Okay so we know they have two super soldier assassians, and they’re experimenting with other unknown substances.” Steve was explaining and trying to strategize a plan for when we get there. Bucky and Steve always wanted to have a plan before going on a mission.

“Y/n, do you remember what they used on you when you were kidnapped?” Natasha asked you.

HYDRA kidnapped you about three years ago. They did experiments on you, trying to make you more powerful than any other assassin they made before. The things they injected you with gave you powers. You were able to heal, and create energy shields. But the first time you used your powers it nearly killed you, one of the HYDRA agents was shot and they told you to heal him, but when you did it nearly ripped you apart. They left you to die after. That’s when Steve found you. Bruce did some scans and tests to try to figure out what they did, but he couldn’t figure it out. But you were told to never use your powers again or it would kill you.

“No all I know is that they used the super soldier serum mixed with other things.” You reply back to them.

You wish you could use your powers. It would be so helpful to everybody and you could save a lot of lives. Tony and Bruce worked together to try to let you be able to use them but the only thing it did was make your eyes flash a yellow color when you thought about using them, similar to Wanda.

“Okay, I thought so but it was worth a shot.” Nat replied back to you.

You nodded and Steve got back to explaining his plan.

“Hey doll.” You hear Bucky whisper beside you.

“Hey Buck.” You smile at him as he wraps an arm around you.

“Can you promise me something?” He paused letting out a slight sigh.

“Please go along with the plan.”

“Yeah of course, I always do.” You reply, scrunching your eyebrows in confusion. You didn’t know why he was telling you this. He’s never done this before.

“No you don’t. You always go on your own way and almost get hurt everytime-.” You interrupted his rant.

“But I never have.” You smirk at him.

“Doesn’t mean you ever will, but please darling they’re dangerous. You almost died last time you were with them. I-I can’t lose you Y/n.” Bucky’s eyes glaze over.

You don’t know what’s gotten into him. We’ve gone on missions that were way more dangerous than this one.

“You’re not going to lose me Bucky, sometimes you can’t follow the plan though.” You look at him with concern.

He pulls you in for a hug and holds you there for a minute kissing your forehead.

“What’s the matter James, why are you so worried.” You cup his cheek and he turns his head away.

“It’s stupid.” He grumbles.

“It’s not stupid if it’s got you this upset bub, tell me.” You persist.

He sighs and rolls his eyes. “I had a dream you died.” He mumbles. You heard him though. You’re used to him being embarrassed of his feelings so he’ll just mumble everything out.

“Bucky, nothings going to happen to me.” You smile and put both your hands on his cheeks, giving him a big kiss.

He chuckles at your silliness, you always know how to make him feel better.

“You kiss like a Grandma.” He laughs at you.

“You’re older than my Grandma.” You giggle back as he pulls you closer to him, giving you a proper kiss.

“You better not die either or I’ll kill you.” You pout at him.

“I like your logic, doll.” He hums back at you.

“Promise me.” You say to him seriously.

“I promise.” He smiles grabbing your pinky and intertwining it with his.

“Alright love birds, we’re here get ready.” Sam smiles at you guys.

-

Once you guys got off the jet a car was parked there and HYDRA uniforms were in it, giving you all a disguise.

You all got out of the car and are standing together, reviewing the plan one more time.

“Okay we go in there, try to keep a low profile. Try to avoid fighting as much as possible we don’t want their assassians after us. We get to the basement and destroy their machines. Easy.” Steve says confidently.

“Okay, what happens if we get caught?” Sam asks.

“Try not to make a big scene. Use that move we learned at training last week. If that doesn’t work let us know where you are.” Steve explains.

“Okay, you guys ready?” Steve gives a reassuring smile to everyone and you go in.

You all split up and go to different parts of the facility that lead to the basement.

“Hey you!” You hear someone shout at you. Damn it you were so close to the basement.

“Who are you?” The man looks at you, scanning your face.

“Taylor Prince.” You say confidently. Sam demanded you all had fake names.

He makes a puzzled face but you whisper up to him the word Nat told you guys to say in Russian.

He nods his head and your off back to the basement.

You hear static from your ear piece and a voice cutting in.

“I’m going to need you guys, soldiers in the basement.” Sam says. You hear gun shots and shells dropping. You hurry the rest of the way down the hallway into the basement.

Nat and you got there at the same time and you run down the stairs to see the rest of your team fighting the super soldiers.

There’s a few guards down there as well. You and Natasha go to knock them out making it easier to get rid of the soldiers.

- (play this if you want)

“Goddamn it, these soldiers wouldn’t give up.” You sigh out happy that you guys can finally do what you need to do.

“Yeah that’s how you two were.” Sam rolls his eyes.

“Oh sorry.” You reply give a nervous smile to Bucky.

“Okay let’s hurry before they wake up.” Steve says and you guys run towards their machines.

You look over and see a shadow. “Hey guys I think someone’s over-.” You were cut off by a gun shot. You all snap your head at the direction of the sound.

You hear a groan and someone drop to the floor.

You look down and see Bucky clutching his chest. They shot his heart.

Anger is all you feel.

You take out your pistol and shoot the soldier. Shot after shot after shot...

“Y/n! Y/n stop shooting he’s dead!” Steve yells at you snapping you out of it.

You drop to your knees by Bucky’s side.

“Hey doll.” He tries to give you a smile and coughs up blood.

You let out a sob and look away. You can’t. You can’t let him go.

“You promised me.” You cry out, your voice cracking as you let out another sob.

“Sometimes you can’t follow the plan though.” Bucky replies, copying what you said to him on the jet.

“I-I can’t.” You pause, tears never stop streaming from your face. “I can’t live without you.” You hiccup.

“You can. I love you.” Bucky closes his eyes.

“No, no Bucky open your eyes!” You yell.

Bucky is breathing shallow breaths. You can see he’s losing oxygen.

“Say it back before I go.” He breathes out.

“Buck...” You say so quiet you’re not sure if he heard you.

“Y/n, please.”

“I love you Bucky. I love you so much.” Your voice fades out and you begin sobbing again.

You see the slightest smile form on his face and his chest rises for the last time.

“No, no, no, no, no.” You start panicking. “C’mon Y/n.” Sam says softly grabbing your arms trying to lead you away from your dead boyfriend.

You push him away and finally break.

“No! Bucky wake up! I know you can, you can, wake up Buck please!” You start repeating yourself over and over again.

“You promised!” You’re screaming now. Screaming and sobbing you feel two sets of hands on you now grabbing you pulling you back.

“Get off of me!” You scream at them, your eyes glowing yellow.

“Y/n. Don’t.” Natasha tells you sternly. Dry tears in her face.

You turn away from them and start using your powers for the first time since you almost died.

“Y/n STOP!” Steve comes over to pull you away from his deceased best friend. You sway your hand over in his direction and his body hits the wall.

You put your hands on Bucky’s wound, praying that this works.

You feel your body starting to tear it’s self apart. You groan out in pain, but continue trying to bring Bucky back.

“Y/n, you’re going to kill yourself!” Sam yells at you.

The yellow light between you and Bucky is almost blinding. Your body can’t take much more.

Your screaming in agony at this point. You give one last big push of your powers before collapsing to the floor. You can barley see. White stars and blind spots cover your vision, probably from all the blood your body is loosing. It won’t be long till you bleed out.

You hear a gasp and slowly turn your head towards the noise.

It worked.

“Y/n! What? Doll why would you-why would you do that?” Bucky rushes to your side.

“I can’t live without you Buck. I told you.” You reach your hand out for Bucky to hold. He cups your hand between his and rests his head against it while sobbing.

You wanted to feel that chill vibranium one more time.

“Y/n, I can’t do this why would you kill yourself for me?” Bucky can’t stop questioning everything. He’s in shock from being dead and the fact the love of his life is dying right in front of him.

“For you I’d bleed myself dry.” You smile at him, giving his hand one last squeeze.

“You told me you would follow the plan.” Bucky says his voice pitching up.

“You know I can’t follow the rules.” You give him a smirk.

“Goodbye Buck, I love you more than life.” You whisper out.

“You know I love you so...” Bucky replies he’s so upset all his senses are shutting down. You let out one last breath and your body goes limp in Bucky’s arms.

‘Cause you were all yellow...

The room lit up with a blinding yellow light.

You were gone.

The room is filled with cries and the screams from the former assassin.

He weeps against your chest. Cursing himself for letting this happen. No one hurts his doll.

“We gotta go Fury needs us back ASAP.” Natasha says with barely any emotion. She feels numb.

Bucky lets out a mad yell and starts punching the ground before those screams turn into more sobs.

Bucky gathers himself as best as possible and picks your limp body up.

It’s time to go.

-

It’s been three months since your funeral.

Bucky can’t get over you.

He barley can eat, barley showers, he can’t even get out of bed. The only time he gets out of bed is when he goes down to the shooting range and gets his anger out. Otherwise, he’s a stone.

“Hey Buck do you want to try to come eat dinner with the team?” Steve asks Bucky with a soft voice.

“Not hungry.” Bucky replies covering himself back up.

Steve let’s out a sigh and sits on the end of Bucky’s bed.

“Can- can you please leave?” Bucky asks Steve. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone and he’s surprised because no one has really tried to talk to him either.

“You got to come downstairs and eat dinner.” Steve says, this time more sternly.

“I said, I’m not hungry.” Buck grumbles and covers his head with a pillow.

“Okay you made me do this.” Steve stands up and clears his throat.

“Y/n, sacrificed herself for you to live.” Bucky cut Steve off.

“Don’t- don’t say her name.” Bucky voice starts to crack and his eyes glaze over.

“No, Bucky. You’ve been in your room for almost 4 months straight. You’re not even trying to get over it. You’re not letting yourself feel those emotions and you need to or you’ll never get over her. She did that so you could live a happy life.” Steve pauses and Bucky lifts his head up and wipes his tears away.

“Come downstairs and eat dinner with us. She would of wanted it.” Bucky stands up and sighs.

“Okay.”

They both walk downstairs and when they see Bucky they all smile and tell him to come sit down and eat.

They all talk and have a good time.

Bucky actually smiles for the first time since you died.

He can get through this.

Alternate shoot ending if that was to sad

Bucky shot up in a sweat, tears running down his face. His breaths are quick and unsteady.

“Shh Bucky come here.” You say from beside him.

It wasn’t uncommon for Bucky to have nightmares so you know what to do.

“Y/n?” Bucky questions, his eyes wide.

“Yeah bub I’m right here.” You wrap an arm around him and rub his non-metal shoulder.

“I had a dream you died.”

[icharchivist]

This isn't my usual GBF question but a more general one. How to be more social online please?

Like. I prefer online courses cause I can just silently do it and get an OK grade. But now I can't. I have to *talk* and regularly at that. I'm so nervous! Even now I'm on anon, and I trust you more than any of my classmates. Suggestions? Please?

Hi there nonny!

I wish i could give proper advice but i'm sorry to say i have the exact same problem, believe it or not.

Tumblr is a bit of a weird zone for me. I've been here for over 10 years, it took me years to get active, and eventually it's mostly the fact i know my posts rarely escape my comfort zone that means i can feel more comfortable rambling on there.

But it's specifically because i need to stay less in the open that you won't see me actually talk on Twitter ahah

When it came to Discord i used to be a complete mess. I would not talk unless spoken to so i've ghosted so many group chats. My crew channel ended up being very good to me because some friends constantly included me in the conversation so much i just feel comfortable there.

On online classes? i was completely panicking. I could follow fine as long as i could stay quiet, i would never put on my video no matter what was asked.... But i have vivid memories of my teacher once deciding to put us into mini groups on zoom to have us work together and i panicked and closed the zoom call before he had the time to put me into a group. Similarly there was a class where the teacher kept calling people to answer questions, i experienced one class and i never attended at the rest of his classes. Which is a shame because i know he's a good teacher, but i was completely paralyzed at the idea of being put on the spot.

In real life, before the pandemic, i used to force myself through it. I had panic attacks nearly everyday, and was trembling everytime i was put on the spot, but i would fake a smile and try to power through, and eventually, after a long time, it got better. But then the pandemic hit and we were all forced to do online classes and all this confidence vanished and i'm back at having panic attacks when surrounded with people, and of course since it's a relapse in bad habits i took it as a very violent hit and i feel like i've done hundreds of steps back.

Even on socmed i tend to panic a lot. I can grow extremely paranoid due to having been bullied in the past and if i have any reasons to think i could get targeted even on something that's factually wrong or impossible, i would freeze and disappear for a bit.

My confidence online is a lot of mix of fake it until you make it and eventually slowly but surely expend what i'm comfortable with.

When i started on tumblr, i wouldn't message anyone, even in anon, it was freaking me out! now, i tend to do it more easily. I think starting out with anon, trying to connect and see that the person respond just well, can help a bit boosting your confidence.

But it's not a one shoe fits it all process. I would love to be able to say the same for online class: to try to bear through it, take a deep breath, let yourself go with the flow, that if you can you could start with like only one interaction by classes and eventually you'll be more comfortable interreacting more and all of that... but those are all advices i already cannot really do myself for my own situation, so to me they ring hollow and i'm not sure it'll be able to help you out.

So i'm really sorry, i don't know if i can really help you there :(

Just coming back on the idea of trusting someone you barely know on tumblr more than a classmate, i think it's actually much more fair in general. Classmates are generally people you're stuck with regardless of how much you connect with them. You have similar experiences due to the classroom life, but any other type of connection is either a coincidence or the result of long conversations opening up to allow this person in hoping they'll accept you.

Contrary to class, you have no obligation to reach out to me, yet you connect with me because you know we have similar things in common. It means we're much more equipped to have similar sensibilities over what affects us or not, and an understanding of sort. Obviously i don't mean it in a way of "we like the same things so we're besties", absolutely not ahah, i just mean it as like, there's a connection (as minimal as it is) that isn't an obligation which means it feels easier. Plus you do have the opportunity to hide yourself with anon (which i totally support especially as you're getting used to talk with people) which means you can be a little more at ease about not being put on the spot.

Reaching out to people on social media can be a lot easier than people you know in real life by a long margin. But truly as i said, there was a time just sending messages in anon would petrify me. I think you're already doing this type of work upon yourself of trying to manage your anxiety by seeing how you can work around it and whom you're willing to extend those attempts with. I think in itself it shows a willingness to eventually move forward at your own pace, step by step.

All i mean by that is that, there's a lot of credits to be had with your behavior and i hope you aren't cut yourself short.

I'm sorry i can't give you proper advice, but know i'm cheering for you and i truly hope you'll manage to get through it. If anything, you have my sympathies because i know completely what you're talking about.

I'm cheering for you o7

Take care!

[datleggy]

I need both of your “surprise Buck was/is pregnant with Eddie’s baby and they find out because Chris finds him” anons to finish their drabbles. I need the Buddie confrontation scene with all the angst and betrayal from both sides. (Meanwhile Chris happily keeps his baby brother occupied and whispers about how he’s gonna parent trap their dads.) Please and thank you.

he anon sent more and here it is! it's wonderful, pls read!! <3

ANON: As the anon who your last ask was talking about might I just say I am sobbiiiinnnnnggggggg 😭😭😭 that was so good omg but ALSO now I have an addition to my earlier blurb 👀👀👀

Eddie is frantic, from the moment Buck called to now. Let's rewind a bit though, for context.

After running into Buck in Austin, they did meet up, without Chris, to talk. Buck had Eddie meet him at his new fire house, which. Hurt? It hurt, in a weird way that Eddie couldn't quite place at first, but he realizes now what he was feeling; jealousy that Buck has moved on and seems so comfortable here, longing for Buck to return to them, to the 118 (if he's being honest though, it's him he wants Buck to return to more than anything, but that's hardly fair after everything), regret that he treated Buck so poorly that the other man not only felt he couldn't tell him about the baby, but that he felt he had to move states.

Eddie met him there regardless, though, because ultimately it was Buck's choice. Eddie was grateful Buck chose to talk to him at all, so he wasn't going to argue over the chosen venue.

They met up, and they talked, and Buck confirmed that the baby he was carrying was Eddie's. He was in shock at the confession, upset for the first few moments, even. And it showed on his face, because the next thing Eddie knew, Buck was backing away from him, arms crossed over his stomach and tears running down his face, begging Eddie not to try and take his baby from him.

"I know I shouldn't have ke-kept this from y-you, but Eddie pl-please! He's all I h-ha-have left, I won't make it if you t-take h-him!" Eddie was shocked, and horrified at Buck's words. It took him a few minutes to calm him down, and weeks of slowly increased communication between the two of them (and Christopher, of course) before Eddie was able to convince Buck that he wasn't planning on trying to gain custody of the baby. He had explained that, yes, he wanted to be in their son's life, wanted Chris to be in his brother's life, but he wouldn't do anything to hurt Buck anymore then he already has.

It took almost the remainder of the pregnancy, but they were finally close to where they had been before everything went to shit. Not that they were lovers again, Eddie doesn't think either of them are ready for that, and Buck agrees, but they were on the fast track to becoming best friends again.

So of course he's the first person Buck calls when he goes into labor.

"I'm sorry, you're what?"

"In labor," Buck says sheepishly over the phone. "Or at least, I think I am? I mean, I'm three days overdue so I doubt these are practice contractions, but I guess there's always the possibility, and oh my god if I called you at 3 in the morning because of practice contractions, Eddie, I am so sorry oh god--" he can hear Buck working himself into a panic attack, so he cuts in.

"Hey hey, none of that. Even if these are Braxton Hicks or whatever they're called, I'm glad you called me. We agreed we would be in this together, right?" There's a pause on the other line before Buck speaks.

"Yeah. Together."

Eddie smiles at the soft tone of Buck's voice, and he can picture him perfectly in his mind's eye as though he were there in front of Eddie. Sitting at the end of his bed, both hands framing his belly (which has gotten big since the first time they ran into each other three months ago, the doctors estimating that the baby is somewhere between 8 and 9 pounds, which Buck was Not Pleased to hear, and blames Eddie for, especially when he found out that Chris was nearly 8 pounds when he had been born), and tears in his eyes despite the smile on his face at the prospect of meeting their baby soon.

Eddie takes a deep breath to steady his own racing heart and asks "So, what do you want to do?"

"Huh?"

Eddie can't help the breathless laugh that leaves him, every passing moment feeling more and more surreal as he realizes that /this is happening/. He's going to be a father for a second time, he and Buck are having a baby together and they're going to meet him soon.

"Do you want me with you, Buck? Because I can leave now, fly down there and be with you when he's born. Or we can stay on the phone, or you can FaceTime me. Whatever you wanna do, babe." The endearment leaves his mouth before he can stop it, but he doesn't try to back track.

"I--" Buck cuts himself off with a cry, more surprised then in pain, but Eddie still hates the sound. He starts to wonder, if Buck wants him there, will Eddie even be able to face seeing him in that amount of pain? He'll do it, of course he will, he would do anything for Buck and their boys, but god it might just break him. This isn't about Eddie, though.

"Breathe, baby. Deep breaths, just like in those classes TK took you to." Everytime he and Buck talk, the other man has stories either related to the baby, or related to his new family. Sometimes even both, like when he told Eddie about the Lamaze classes Buck's friend TK took him to, highly recommended from when TK went himself with his boyfriend Carlos leading up to their son being born. Eddie couldn't help but feel that ugly, burning jealousy, but he tried to sound as happy as possible over the phone. Buck wouldn't appreciate the jealousy, since Eddie lost out on what they could have been thanks to his own anger and mistreatment of Buck.

A few moments pass before Buck comes back on. "That hurt," he says with a small, pained laugh. Eddie can't tell if he wants to cry, punch something, or both, but he tamps those feelings down.

"I know, I know. But you've got this, Buck. You're gonna kick labor's ass, right?"

"Right," Buck responds weakly.

"Damn right, right. You're so strong, Buck. There isn't anything you can't do, and nothing you won't do for your kids. You've got this." He hears Buck take a deep breath, steeling himself.

"Yeah... yeah! I've got this. I've got this!" That golden retriever enthusiasm is back in full force, and Eddie grins.

Buck announces that he's going to start packing some stuff and getting his things together, so Eddie will be in speaker phone. For the next few minutes, Eddie listens to Buck ramble off random facts about babies and labor between verbalizing his hospital bag checklist. He hums in the appropriate places to show he's listening, asks clarifying questions so Buck knows Eddie isn't bored or just humoring him. Before too long, Eddie can tell that Buck has picked the phone back up, removing it from speaker phone.

"Hey, Eds?" His voice is quieter, more subdued then it has been for most of their time in the phone.

"Yeah, Buck?" His own voice is soft, curious but undemanding.

"I-- you said, earlier, that you would-would come down, if that's what I wanted? Like, to be here when the baby is born." Eddie feels his heart start to race in his chest, not sure if he's eager to hear Buck's decision or dreading it.

"I did," he confirms anyway, wanting Buck's comfort more than anything else.

"... Is that offer still on the table? You coming down here, I mean." Eddie can feel his breath catch in his chest, and he realizes that, yeah, he was eager to know what Buck wanted him to do. He feels like jumping into the air and cheering, knowing Buck wants him by his side as he delivers their baby boy into the world.

"I can leave in ten minutes, and be with you in four, five hours at the most." His response is almost immediate, and Buck laughs on the other end of the line. "Is that what you want, Buck? Me to be there, with you?" Eddie hears a sniffle and he knows Buck is in the verge of crying.

"I-- is that alright? I don't-- I can't do this alone, Eddie. I know I have everyone from the 126 here, and all of them would sit with me through this in a heartbeat, but... I need it to be you that's here with me. I want you to be here when our son is born, want you to cut the cord, be one of the first to hold him, all of it. I... I need /you/." And how could Eddie ever say no to that?

"Give me a few minutes to pack a bag and make some calls, okay? I'll call you right back, and before you know it, I'll be right beside you, holding your hand and letting you break as many fingers as you want." Buck gives a wet chuckle and agrees, but both men have a hard time saying goodbye, even if it will only be for a few minutes.

"I'll see you soon, Buck, okay? I swear."

"Yeah, I know you will, I know. I'm just nervous, is all. Having you here, even just over the phone, it helps. So much, Eddie." He knows what he means. Hearing Buck's cheerful voice after a long day never fails to make Eddie feel better, make him feel that no matter what, everything will be alright. He can only imagine how much better things will feel for the both of them once they can actually see each other, touch each other.

"I know exactly what you mean. I'll be there soon, okay? I'll call you back in a second and you can tell me more statistics about babies born in cars, or whatever." Buck snorts a laugh and Eddie smiles at the sound.

"I swear to God if you jinx this and I end up giving birth on the highway, I will kill you." They laugh together, but Eddie knows now that he has to get things in order if he wants to be with Buck ASAP. Neither man wants to say goodbye.

"I'll be with you soon, Evan."

"Yeah, okay. Eddie, I-I..." Eddie waits patiently for whatever Buck was going to say. His heart hammers in his chest.

"... Be safe, Eddie." He can't help the bitter feeling of disappointment that floods through him, but he returns the sentiment, regardless.

They hang up, and for a moment, Eddie simply sits on his bed, head in his hands. All he wanted to do as they said their goodbyes was to tell Buck that he loved him. He doesn't feel like he's earned the right to say that to him yet, though. He has to earn it.

With that in mind, he starts packing a bag, calling Hen to see if she and Karen would be able to babysit Chris while Eddie is in Texas.

Dhdhjajsiejsj so sorry about that again, hope you enjoy (and thanks again to that person who sent that other ask, bc that was an amazing blurb they sent 😌) 😭😭😭