#and when i dont do it i feel like a failure
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can we get hc on teen parents (17-18) linzin and the gaang's reaction?
Lin feels like a failure and is terrified. She has no idea what Tenzin will say, but she knows that this child could be an airbender, so she should keep baby....
When she tells Tenzin, he's definitely shocked. But he asks very softly and innocently, "We're gonna be a family?" And something about that question makes Lin feel like she chose the right guy to have a kid with.
Telling Tenzin was fine, but now what about their family?
Immediately, Lin can feel the dread from the acolytes and the press.
Against her headstrong nature, Lin holds Tenzin's hand and says, "Let's go someplace else."
"Where?"
"Anywhere. But not here. I...I don't want anyone else to know. We could go to my grandparents."
Tenzin is a bt confused because they will be fine in RC. His parents are here, plus his mom is the best healer ever. So Lin would be in very safe hands. But Lin points at an acolyte walking by and Tenzin understands.
And so, Tenzin tells his family Lin wants to visit her grandparents and he'll go with her. They don't give much other explanation, besides they will leave in the next few days and will write/call when they can.
Katara and Aang dont see a problem with it, but find it a bit odd.
When they get to Gaoling, Poppy immediately senses something is up. It takes a couple weeks until Lin privately tells her about the pregnancy and that she doesn't want anyone knowing. Not even Toph right now. She wanted to have space from the city so that she, Tenzin, and baby aren't stressed.
Poppy is a bit disappointed and upset, she supports and loves Lin very much. at least Tenzin is showing that he wants to be part of their lives and will be there for them. Unlike the men Toph got involved with.
Everything goes great for Linzin. Lao almost wanted Tenzin murdered, but he's calmed down a bit after they had a man-to-man talk. Tenzin told him that he will marry Lin, but doesn't want to ask immediately bc Lin will think it's only bc of baby. He tells him that he has a betrothal necklace in the works and that he'll give it to Lin at the right time.
Lao and Poppy bring in the best healers in Gaoling to monitor Lin's pregnancy.
Baby is growing well and it's in the 6 month of pregnancy, that Katara, Aang, and Toph visit Gaoling.
They're in for a hella big surprise when they see pregnant Lin.
Kataang hounds Tenzin.
Toph interrogates and grills both of them.
"How long have you known?! How far along are you?!"
"...Just past 6 months..."
"Did you get knocked up here or before?"
"Before."
Katara and Aang go into some long lecture that Lin is not really listening to. Toph is going insane listening to them prattle on, so she just imprisons Tenzin's body with earth.
"Alright loverboy, since you got my kid knocked up, what are you gonna do about it? If you give the wrong answer, you get an early funeral and your parents go to jail."
Katara glares at her. "Why do we go to jail?"
"For offing your son. Then you try to kill me, but I beat both of your asses anyway. So you go to jail for being losers."
"That doesn't make any sense, Toph! And it's not ethical!"
"So what? Proves that I'm still better than you two."
Linzin is just trying to get out of this conversation. When everyone finally calms down, Lin is like "I wanted to leave because I didn't want to be around the press and acolytes. Gaoling felt safe for me and our baby. So I did what was best for us and Tenzin supported me. Sorry we didn't tell you the truth, but we wanted to face this on our own."
All's well, and they do try to come to terms that they'll become grandparents. They love that it's between Lin and Tenzin, but just so shocked at their ages. But they do support them as much as they can. Giving advice, Katara taking over to monitor Lin's pregnancy, Aang guiding Tenzin on fatherhood + air nation culture, etc. Toph and her parents clash a bit bc they think she parented poorly for Lin to be a teen mom.
The convo between Toph and her parents gives her some perspective on how she hasn't been present for both of her girls. Suyin has been acting up and Toph is learning that she needs to be more involved.
Aang can't stay all the time bc Avatar duties, but he does write and visit when he can. Kya and Bumi also come down at different times to bully Tenzin lol
"It was that good, huh?" Bumi jeered, slapping Tenzin on the back.
"Go awayyy."
Kya punches his arm next. "Now remember, you hurt Lin, we break your bones."
"Yeah I got it. Why would I ever hurt her?"
"Because no girl would take you. You should be thankful Lin has a heart and wants to be with you. So if you fuck it up with her, we fuck you up."
Tenzin is so annoyed with them and just huffs and pouts, while wind blows in their faces.
Sokka and Suki manage to visit them, and they;re not judgmental. But they do try to give solid life advice to Tenzin. They feel like Lin is gonna be okay mostly and she's got things handled. But I think they want Tenzin to be a good man to Lin and a good father to baby. Hakoda fought in the war, so never intentionally abandoned him and Katara, but being a present father is the idea that Sokka drives into Tenzin.
Aang grew up with a different concept of family, so his advice to Tenzin about parenting has different content from Sokka's messages.
Izumi comes down to visit too, and she brings all kinds of snacks and gifts for Lin and baby. Iroh is probably already born around this time? So she can bring him too for Linzin to practice lol
Suyin doesn't want to visit Lin during the pregnancy at all because her sister is taking up Toph's attention. And she's pissed about it. She doesn't meet her new niece until Linzin returns to RC.
Tenzin was with Lin during the birth because he couldn't stand not being there. Katara delivered her granddaughter, and the delivery went smoothly.
The whole family is there (minus Suyin, Sokka, and Suki) and everyone is absolutely enamored with the baby.
Lin feels like she has to wait 30 mins until she can hold her own baby for more than 10 mins.
Katara shoos them out so that Lin and Tenzin can rest with their baby. But she stays close by, along with a few other trusted servants, to assist Lin and baby.
Lin and Tenzin have no idea what they're doing, but they know everythin will be okay.
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I miss making art for yall 🥲
#its just been a rough year for me#between family health issues and fandom issues my motivation just got demolished#i feel as a creator theres a lot of pressure to... yknow#create#and when i dont do it i feel like a failure#dont mind me im just venting a little#like my scrib teldryn art is from way earlier this year i did not just do this#i havent drawn anything in months nor have i touched my writing#the insp is there but to physically do any of it is nearly impossible for me#i miss it all so much tho#i want to update my fic on a regular basis and draw everyones favorite dunmer thirst trap#i hope to get back to it soon#love you guys#personal#tesblr
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in the nicest and most non-confrontational way possible. i feel like some of you think that anything that isn't directly openly spelled out for you within a story is "missed potential" or "unexplored." like. sometimes there are implied narratives. sometimes the point is that you as the reader are supposed to think and draw your own conclusions and participate in the story. the writers not directly spelling every little detail out for you doesn't mean that the story is poorly written or missed its own plot details somehow. PLEASE.
#if i get one more comment referring to zelda's draconification as wasted potential im going to lose it for real#that's not unexplored potential that is THE ENTIRE STORY. JUST BECAUSE THEY DONT BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH IT DOESNT MEAN ITS NOT THERE#i get this all the time with just like. link's trauma in general too.#like people will ask me 'do you think they should explore link's trauma more' and im like. they do#that's what the games are about. it's all there. they just don't directly state that that's what they're doing because theyre expecting you#as a reader to ENGAGE WITH THE DAMN TEXT BEYOND SURFACE LEVEL. UGHHHHHHH#WHATEVER. whatever#like i feel like some of you would read the great gatsby and be like#'there was a lot of missed potential to talk about the failure of the american dream' GIRL IT'S RIGHT THERE. JUST THINK A LITTLE#personal#and yeah obviously its not that deep its a video game but like. i am not making shit up when i write my comics and analysis.#I AM ENGAGING WITH THE TEXT. AS IS GENERALLY EXPECTED OF A READER#ugh ok whatever. im done now sorry
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Hey. The Finders have no idea that Bonzle was captured. Fritz and Spitz are still waiting, playing video games in the Monastery, for Cole to bring their sister out of hiding now that the blood moon is over. Geo is still sitting by the window, watching and waiting for a dragon on the horizon to return his kid safe and sound. Cole took a very unsure Bonzle, assured them all everything would be okay, and they'd be back soon. He promised he'd find a way to protect her.
Don't think about how they'll smile when Cole finally trudges back, happy to know he's okay. Especially don't think about the Finders stopping, looking out over the group, and how Cole can't look them in the eyes when they turn to him and ask; where's Bonzle?
#ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#lego ninjago#dragons rising#bonzle#finders#cole#cole brookstone#geo#fritz#spitz#text post#angst#talk#LISTEN TO ME#COLE LOST 2 WHOLE FAMILY MEMBERS DURING THAT BLOOD MOON#HES GOING TO NOT BE OKAY!!!!!!! HES DOING SO BAD#mans is a FATHER and he PROMISED he'd keep his kid safe. he promised it to the OTHERS#and hes going to have to walk back up those steps and admit to being a LIAR and a FAILURE#hes not obviously sht just went sideways but you KNOW he blames himself#geo very worriedly stayed behind w fritz & spitz FULLY TRUSTING that cole would keep bonzle safe & bring her back#he loves him so much (in a gay way. u know it to be true) so he trusts him IMPLICITLY to keep them safe. hes done it before#can you imagine the HORROR when cole comes back and hes...alone. with no one else but the other ninja (minus 1)#geo realizing what happened before the kids. the way everything just freezes and drops. cole curled so tight in on himself#and cole cant say hes sorry because he cant even look at them. he lost family hes had for over a decade & a kid he claimed his own for year#you saw how he was w child wu. you saw how desperate he was to keep bonzle safe. AND KAI IS GONE TOO???#homeboy is having the literal worst day ever. imagine him trying to tuck fritz & spitz close while on one knee trying to explain it all#and bro jsut feels like hes literally the worst person in the world#something something 'you dont get to stay with the ninja & be happy. i tried to protect you from what hurt me as a kid'#'and instead your right in the thick of it'
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can i ask why ur getting the surgery? /gen curious /no hate
i am getting a bi(lateral)salp(ingectomy) bc i never want to be pregnant or be a parent!
Even if i do change my mind later about the parent thing (not super likely but things can change, sure) theres noooo shortage of single parents lmao
And even if I never End Up In The Circumstance(s) Where I COULD Become Pregnant in my life, I'd want the peace of mind anyway...
I've always felt disgusted that this is something my body is capable of. I want it to be MY body and not a site and vessel for potential tragedy in any direction. And I want it to be something permanent and not dependent on access to services/medicines or even laws!!! Dis is a gender affirming surgery for me honestly...
#anonymous#skunk mail#in the past ive always thot about how id obvs immediately get an abortion if anything happened#but along with living in texas idk#like. id obvs get it but just the thought of ever being pregnant in my life for even a little bit makes me feel sick.#idk what id do. what a betrayal by the shell im in that would be.#my mind wld be frayed forever. ive had nightmares abt it. i dont think i cld ever Enjoy Anything if i was always worried about BC failure.#pregnancy is so unnerving to me i dont even like seeing or being around pregnant animals especially when ppl start calling them Mommy or#Mama it just makes me extremely uncomfortable.#my life was destined to be tragedy as soon as I was born in this body‚ i might as well do one of the only things I can do to ease the horro#of it#ive literally had my day ruined by just remembering its something my body can do. it makes me so miserable#it feels so disgusting etc#without the surgery my life would continue to feel like its counting down to inevitable tragedy#whether it be by Scare or Assault#and why wld i continue to live my life like that if its always going to be unwanted!!!!! need permanent solution and not just a bandaid#its not like the opportunities come up often but honestly ive even been avoiding sex bc of this. id rather just not ever do it at all#than risk anything
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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told my sister i got a (WOMENS CUT) suit for my conservative christian cousin's wedding that my mother is trying to force me to wear a form fitting dress to and even with me telling her id be wearing the suit with four inch heels and jewelry she didn't even react neutrally and i just burst into tears. i love my sister but shes just complacent and the type of straight girl that harps on about being noah kahn or chappell roan lesbians with her boyfriend and only is friends with campy gay men. im sorry you have a dysphoric dyke sister. sorry that me calling out my own mother and extended family's "don't ask don't tell" attitude is too much. sorry. sorry. sorry sorry sorry.
#dmitrigirl speaks#my mom doesnt want a gnc daughter. nor a ssa one#i dont want to bug my sister about it. its not her fight#im just a kicked dog#im so tired of being a kicked dog#but when i stand up for myself i feel like all the bottled up anger flies out#why do i feel so full of failure and loneliness when im around them#i wish i wasnt the problem child i wish i wasnt the lost cause#i grow so much when theyre out of my direct life#why was i adopted if they only wanted an ideal
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Aiimmmssss,
We both know Zoro holds a lot of guilt on his shoulders for a variety of things, how do you help him through it? 👀
just rip my heart from my chest next time, it’ll hurt less /j .. ily ෆ
often times, the words of others does not ease the immense weight of guilt that rests on our shoulders. they can help — a temporary fix, a small bandaid over a wound in desperate need of stitches.
but what zoro needs is deeper. he needs someone to keep him company as he tries to stitch himself up with a slightly shaky hand. thread by thread, mending himself in the way he’s always known, trying to erase the shame he feels for his failures — the ones that taunt him every time he closes his eye for too long.
i’d like to think that my presence would give him a little reassurance. i’d help him whisk away all of the impure thoughts that threaten him, chasing them far, far away. there’s not much i could really say to make him feel better, but knowing that i’m there and i love him for every single piece of him, helps soothe his mind a bit.
so his hand becomes steadier, the threading becomes quicker, and the wound begins to heal.
#THANK YOU FOR ASKING !!! (she said through tears)#something i been thinking about for awhile neooooww >_<#hes got so much pride and his ‘failures’ help drive him to be better and do better for next time#i say failures lightly btw bc i dont think hes ever truly failed. not in my eyes !!! hes always done his best and i love him for it#i feel like when it comes to letting himself down he can handle it a lot better#but i know marineford haunts him all too much. sabaody too…. and that’s when a little gentleness would be good#i know he can take care of himself but !!!!!!! he doesn’t have to do it alone :(#okay i’m rambling and shaking and trembling i love him but i love u more#⌕ — spotted .ᐟ#ᡣ𐭩 𓂃 nesi besi friendo .ᐟ#🪷 ⊹ ₊ ⋆ ᴀᴍᴏʀᴏ .
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#another day another job interview went not so well. i got super anxious because there were FIVE !!! FIVE PEOPLE in the videocall !!!!#so i felt very pressurised. they started w huge talks about the job and the vacancy and what they do and what they expect me to do#i was hardly grasping what they were talking about TT it was all too technical for me (consider that i don't belong to the field)#it made me feel soooo anxious and lost. and when we got to the - describe yourself - part i didn't know what to say#like i tried explaining my background and job experiences (which were in completely different fields). it all looked out of place#i think i simply didnt fit in. and i guess the recruiters understood bc they looked pissed af lmao. def one of my worst experiences#whatever i made peace w the fact that i'll have to do a THOUSAND job interviews before even thinking of getting one#personal#i feel so sorry for my moots that have to read my loser stories (you're free to skip) but i truly dont have any other social media site#where i don't feel bad when sharing my failures
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eldest daughter syndrome really do be kicking my ass tbh
#i just find it like so unfair yknow#im the only one who works in myhouse and full time#but i come home and the house isnt clean and i tidy up and sort everything out and tidy the kitchen anf living room after dinner and put#my sister to bed and yk if there was no one else to do these things id understand but#i have 5 brothers all of whom are adults and they dont lift a finger#its not as if any of them work bec they dont and neither does my dad#and im so so so exhausted yk? bec not everything is my job or responsibility#and i keep blaming other things for me getting sick but yknow what maybe i just dont rest enough#and the other day i was upset bec i'd had a tough day at work and i felt unwell and i cleaned up everything after dinner and my brother#said i didnt have a right to be upset bec i “chose” this. like as if i chose to work full time nd do all the chores for a family of 9#and it just really upsets me bec no one sees an issue with it and im so mad at my mom at rhe same time#constant therapy sessions w her bec shes mad at my dad and wants someone to vent at and then he does the same abt her and my brothers#and im so tired yknow just sososos tired bec she'll complain abt how they dont do anything but then she wont ensure they do either#its just empty complaints whereas she thrust responsibility on me when i was 9 and yet my brothers are 18+ - all but one that is and they#cant even do their own laundry bec she just..... did everything for them all the time but now is mad that they cant do anything.#like yes i know my dad is a failure of a husband and a father i expected that i'll never be a good enough daughter for him and that the onl#thing he has to say about me is that im bringing shame on our family despite everything ive done but come on#im just tired and upset#its hard not to see yourself as a robot or machine when theres little room to be anything else.#and even on a day like today when i dont feel well it never stops and i just keep doing#im sad i want a hug from my gangster bf#oh god i am sorry pls do not perceive me for this#and yk what#thats why i cant stand when people are nice to me bec all i can think of is#i havent done anything to deserve this? i should have to give something in return#or if not#theres something this person must want because why else would they be nice to me when i havent done anything for them#i cannot fathom the concept that someone just wants me because its me#its literally just not possible why would anyone fo that for me
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btw this is what i mean by the weirdddd kinda sus dru scene. the brooding. plus a funny subtitle typo
#like okkk its cus he got 'lied to'... which i dont think he.. technically did?#like he never said he wasnt going to return it. or it was for his job#its still TECHNICALLY what dru asked for which was to do a joint heist#also yeah there was a stupid argument plot. EURRGHHHHH.#like dudeeee u cannotttt set me up w gru and dru connecting bc of both feeling like disappointments to their parents#and then have gru be like 'wellll no wonder dad didnt love u' DUDEEEEE.#esp when in the same movie they tell us gru was blamed for his fathers death????? for being such a failure?????#like it would notttt happen. im sorry#also the fckingggg falling out hing is so stupid. like dru is incompetent and goofy but like whyyyy disown him. he didnt DO anything#except be kinda useless. ANDTHEY MAKE UP IN THE NEXT SCENE#pleaseeeeee please tru villain plot dru return to me please#dude the way the gorls r written too. i feel naught but pain#how do u go from them being kinda scared but brave against vector. to actively fighting against el macho. TO LITERALLY NOTHINGGGG W BRATT#wahhhhh im scareedddd wahhhhhh !! aiiiieee!!! DUDEEEE U LITERALLY SAVEDDD THE WORLD LAST FILM. stopppp#also they reuse the same joke w agnes shattering glass w her scream from 2. TWICE#im such a hater sorry. this movie frustrates me beyond belief#there are like 4 scnes that i rlly like. and all of them r just the minions#i think lucy is the most in character but she has like zero funny scenes compared to the one billion from 2. and her plot w the gorls is ba#also this is just personal but the idea of dru like. coopting the minions makes me soooo sad. THOSE ARE HIS FUCKING FAMILYYYYYY U MONSTERRR#btw the credits sequence rlly is the best part of the film apart from the minion scenes. reminds me of the dynamic w vector and gru. funnn#i wish it could have been. In the movie#man god sorry to literally be such a hater but oh hhhh my god. the amount of cool stuff tehy cld have done vs the NOTHING they did is crazy
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augghh ,.....
#girl i wanna cry so bad#im so tired#and my gormones are not helping#my mother just fucking bombarded me with so mant questions about uni and i know shes trying to help#but im genuenly so tired i just want to go to sleep#and she keeps asking me stuff and im standing up and my uterus hirsts so bad but she didnt stop expanding#on shit that was SO unnecesary#fucking . have u not heard me before#i told you 5 times that im not recursing this class because it would be so bad#and you keep asking my stuff about what if i did retook it#why do you never listen !!!!!!! and then when im tired of trying to get a word in#you start complaining that this is jow a lonologue and not a concersation !!!!!#my sister in christ whenever i try to speak you dont stop tlaking. what do yoh mean#and i took 2 bugs out of the house and now i have phantoms bugs feelings . feel like there are moths flying toward sme#would be ok in other situations but i cant deal with the phantom sensation rn#crying from frsutration. help!!!!!#im genuenly so sad and angry and upset#not even at my mom. shes ok but rn shes getting on my nerves because im very sensitive and im so tired#i just want to sleeeeep. please.#girl i frel like such a failure#the 10 girl goes from getting 10 in four classes to barelt passing 5 classes. devaststing#i prommy i know im more than my grades but my ego is not feeling it this time#i feel so burned out time is slipping through my fingers#i want a hug 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪 fuck#sorry for the long venty post. if u read this far u deserve an award
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The pattern is that people straight up do not read™. or they read a 3-5 tweet summary of what happened and treat it as if they did. or because shonen expectations based on "the classics" is bullshit and significantly rotted people's brains when deciding wether an ending is good or not.
Which could be nothing right
yeahhh. i will forever regret reading the last chapter through leaks because it was a dreadful experience, and watching everyone ever shit on it for like a week after genuinely made me want to just get off the internet forever or something because i felt like an idiot for liking the ending (all this is my fault for getting too invested in both tumblr and mha etc etc).
All the "it's rushed" and pacing complaints barely matter to me at this point because you just cannot feel the pacing of something correctly when you're reading it exclusively through leaks. you can't absorb info like that. And don't get me started on the number of complaints and criticisms I've seen of the last chapter that are just provably bullshit (I saw someone say Izuku didn't get a statue lmao. yes he did, you just read the fucking leaks and watched twitter drama unfold instead of reading the actual chapter i fear).
#i just. do not think it is as bad as some people want to make it seem. i know not to take people who make cashier peaked in high school deku#jokes but like some of yall are treating this as if it's a major failure of the manga ? ? ?#it's underwhelming if you want#it didn't touch on stuff you wanted it to touch on whatever#i personally think that it did okay with the constraints it clearly had#like even without going into shonen jump conspiracy theories horikoshi had been doing 15 pages chapters for a while now#I also think that a lot of disappointment comes from fanon interpretations becoming canon in people's minds especially regarding izuku#and like do not get me wrong i had mixed feelings when i read the chapters i still have mixed feelings on some aspects (hawks what r you#doing etc etc)#i dont blame people who didn't like the ending for not liking the ending#i am just very annoyed by some justifications for not liking the ending#i don't even bother arguing with anyone at this point bc i don't want to be that person (too often) and because it just straight up makes m#feel bad lmao#anywayssssss i probably wanted to say something else but i forgor#oh no yeah listen. maybe you think it's lazy and maybe it is lazy to do an 8 years timeskip and leave a lot of stuff up to the reader#i personally really like this choice. important points were addressed and the rest can be speculated upon by the fanbase and by god.#we are the mha fandom guys. we can speculate. we love to speculate. we have EIGHT YEARS#you can do literally whatever you want man#i already have my personal canon for what happened during the eight years and believe me it helps a lot with the mixed feelings lmao#again. horikoshi did Not have a lot of space the story clearly had a lot of plot changes halfway through. i really do think this is more#than okay. this ending is not the end of the world i promise.#anyways i originally started like citing bs criticism i saw and then i thought ok lets not. inside thoughts etc etc.#i am not a meta analyzer i regularly learn i've misunderstood something about something or misremembered a plot point i am Not the person#for actually good meta and a lot of very insightful stuff on how we are very much not the target audience and lack cultural context go see#pikahlua lmao#mha manga spoilers#mha 430#mad mha ramblings//#ask//#i almost want to say ask to tag lmao? i have the mha cri/tical tag blocked so if anyone needs the opposite for me being overly positive
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Vent
Tw: sh, suivide
#i hate that my brain is broken and it makes me fight with my family....#i.wish i could jjst shut my mouth like thsy qant me to.....#it smells like human shit n piss in my room cus im too scared to ask my dad to change it :')✨️💕✌️#i wanna cut so that i get release and attention but last time my dad didnt even notice and my sister didnt take it seriously :(#i feel like cuttong is the only way to let out my Ick and show how not good im doing#mental illnesses are invisible and so fucking crippling......#my family thinks im lazy i just know they do#im such a fuvking failure at 25 i should be taking care of my dad like he did to his..#also my dad always says hes in catholic hell sooooo guess im not real then :')#he spefically says he died as a kid and this is his hell.....🥹✌️💔#i just....hate my life and already dont feel real#he basically vents and says whatever without thinking about the impact on ME the adult child with autism.#i think about my words affect on everybody all the time and it seems like barely anyone thinks the same#....maybe i can s-xually -buse myself instead of cutting#but cumming always brings a biiiiig wave of crying#i shpuldnt cut for the attebtion but FUCK i wanna get a hug or see someone have a soft voice n soft eyes for me#....all i do is annoy my dad#i should just kill myself so i dont annoy him anymore#but im too scared of failing#also im scared of Hell#i need a hug that doesnt start with me asking for a hug......#if i didnt do anything affectionate for a whole day i would go without it#i would trade every present in the world if my family could at least just UNDERSTAND my emotional brain#instead i get “i just dont understand” over n over n over n over again.....#im not trying to be an attention seeker when i say this: logically the only answer i can come up with is to k-ll myself.#its like 2 + 2 = su!cide#my family says that theyd kill themselves if i did....i dont believe that#theyre less broken than me so they would heal and move on.#for clarification#the most violent thing km gonna do is c-t myself im NOT attempting tonight
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I just got off work and I am debating on drawing or going to sleep.
#rambling into the void#i have so muchs tuff i need to finsih drawing#i very eepy tho#ugh#alao very testy#thinking about hwo i called my dad after getting pulled over#and he said to me “how could you not have your registration ready? you know the difference between the papers dont you?”#like dad you neve rtaught me half this shit#i dont know anything about life and am bearly scrapping by#im grateful ym dad helsp with ym insurance but he never explains anything to me#never taught me what to do when pulled over#my dad expects me to know things that i have never really learned#it makes me feel like a child. he makes me feel like a child.#i feel pretty useless atm#am really scraed for court#the officer that puleld me over wrote my ticket for speeding#and for failure to show insurance and registration#when i had them but it took me a bit to find them cause ive never been pulled over before#and he wrote the ticket before i found them#and when i showed it to him#he told me to just ecplain in court#uhg#i fucking terrified
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the worst part is knowing this is temporary — like one year at the very most — and i still feel like shooting myself when i think about being here even that long
#suicide tw#nate.txt#its worse leaving and then coming back i think bc it feels like im never going to escape#i cant do this but i dont have the guts to kill myself so i will just bear it i guess#i feel like a fucking failure#my mom isnt even that bad now like objectively things are much better than they were when i left#and i know that and still want to kill myself when i think about#i dont know what to do
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