#like i tried explaining my background and job experiences (which were in completely different fields). it all looked out of place

[eternalnostos]

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[lokiondisneyplus]

Loki is the latest Marvel Studios TV series in the long-running franchise and it’s currently ongoing with five episodes so far available to stream on Disney+ Hotstar Malaysia. For previous breakdowns of Loki episodes, check out Episode 1 here, Episode 2 here, Episode 3 here, Episode 4 here and Episode 5 here.

If you want a non-spoiler guide to Loki, you can head on over here.

Courtesy of Disney+ Hotstar Malaysia, we were lucky enough to be the only Malaysian media to participate in a roundtable interview with Loki Costume Designer Christine Wada and Loki Production Designer Kasra Farahani.

This interview with Loki Production Designer Kasra Farahani has been edited for clarity.

Keep in mind that we’ll be discussing some elements from all five episodes of Loki so far, so there will be spoilers below:

Q: You’ve previously worked on Black Panther and other MCU movies. How different was the experience of working on a TV set instead of a movie’s? Were there limitations?

Yes, I’ve worked on several Marvel projects. For me, this is the most fun one, maybe because I’m in a different position than I was on the other ones. But also, just because this project is unique in a couple of ways.

Number one; it’s literally in its own timeline from the rest of the MCU. It’s separate from the stories we’ve all enjoyed and seen in the MCU so far. The other thing that this one has that’s really great is the amount of visual and narrative variety. We have this kind of base in the TVA that we spend a lot of time in but also we have all these exciting different places in the world that the story takes us to. These were great worlds to design and to imagine.

In our case, there was no difference. The thing about the Marvel series is that it’s pretty much like Marvel movies; in terms of their creative ambition, in terms of the way they’re scheduled, the fact that we have one director.

There was not much about it (Loki) that resembled an episodic project, except for the fact that it was six hours of content that we were trying to make, so it’s a very long project.

In terms of resources, I didn’t ever feel that we were unduly stretched. Always, when you get a creative brief like this, there’s always a period at the beginning of every project where you’re reconciling the creative brief and the resources that you have. That has been the case for every project that I’ve ever worked on regardless of the size. There’s this beginning phase where that’s the case and oftentimes, it’s in that process where you come up with some very great creative solutions that are a direct result of some of the limitations, actually.

Yeah, I wouldn’t say that we had some extraordinary limitations in this case (for Loki), but that’s generally true for all projects, in my experience.

Q: What were you inspired by when making designing the sets of the TVA with its retro-futuristic and anachronistic aesthetics?

In the source material, the TVA had a lot of different things going on, but one of the strong themes also was this armada of desks, which is kind of typical of a post-war era bureaucracy look. There was a grain of that in the source material but a lot of it also came from the show’s creator and writer, Michael Waldron, who described in the original document I read before interviewing for this job.

He described the TVA as a kind of mix of Mad Men meets Blade Runner. Part of these two strong visual references for us. On top of that, me and director Kate Herron, even before we met and spoken to each other, were inspired by Terry Gilliam’s Brazil also as a strong influence because of the anachronisms that that story had and also because of the clear presence of this strong monolithic bureaucracy, which is something that we have in the TVA also.

For the TVA, we were looking a lot at wanting to create a world that had a paradoxical feeling, being an imposing monolithic architectural space that has brutalist elements in them and had almost Soviet modernist elements to them. The colour palette and the materials and the whimsical patterning were much more like American style modernism.

The result was hopefully when you’re in an environment like this, you don’t know whether to feel terrified or invited. Hopefully, it creates that feeling in both the characters and the audience; this kind of cognitive dissonance in not knowing whether they can trust the TVA or not. That’s the narrative objective.

The writers came up with these ideas and the idea with that was to kind of create the bubble gum wrapper in the Renaissance era (Loki Episode 2) and the futuristic shovel in the early 20th-century farm field (Loki Episode 1). These ideas were placed there to create a trail of clues for the TVA to follow before they have clarity on Sylvie’s identity. But for the anachronisms generally, that was something we tried to do throughout the TVA to have all kinds of strange things from different timelines and different worlds popping up in terms of props, like the Infinity Stones in the mail cart and stuff like that.

Q: What was it like working with Tom Hiddleston, who is a producer on Loki?

It was very exciting to have this opportunity to take the character and his storyline in a different direction. It became all the more exciting when I read the scripts and I saw the type of journey they were going to take the character on.

Tom is a professor of Loki, basically. After all, ten years or so of playing the character; he knows it better than anybody and he has an in-depth understanding of the character and his backstory; the character’s family relationships and he was really helpful in giving a little talk to all the department heads about the background of his character, which was very informative.

Q: Recently, Loki series director Kate Herron said that 90 percent of production sets were physical. Does this include the world of The Void, and can you tell us more about how you brought it to life?

That’s true. That was what was unique about this show, because of my own design approach, and my goal in creating this large monolithic brutalist environment, I felt strongly that the sets needed to be built kinda wholly and that they needed to have the ceilings in-tact. This was also supported by Loki cinematographer Autumn, in that the way of her own style of photography is very wide and low-angled photography, which is why for both of our creative goals, it made a lot of sense to build these sets like completed and 360-degree environments.

For the TVA, that was almost always the case, with the exception of when you saw outside a window. With the Void (in Loki Episode 5), a lot of that was built practically as well. What I can tell you is that we build a large piece of this landscape on a soundstage, which was about 150 feet by 200 feet of undulating wilderness terrain. In that, we would bring in these different scenery elements on different days to make it feel like different places within the Void.

For example, one day there was the bus stop terrain where we meet Loki. One day it was the giant head. One day it was the drive-in movie theatre where we find Sylvie. All of these things were brought in and we shot there over the course of seven days. The terrain was designed in such a way that depending on what angle you shot, it felt like a very different place. Backgrounds were put in during post-production in visual effects. The Loki palace, where the Loki variants kind of hang out, the bowling alley, all of that was also a 360-degree built set as well.

Q: What was the most challenging set of the entire Loki series that you had to work on?

We had a lot of very ambitious sets but I think the city of Sharoo at the end of Loki Episode 3: Lamentis was a very technical set. The goal was to create this virtual one-in, that appears as a single shot. This was a very involved and elaborate process of choreography, basically.

All the different departments were involved to make this happen because as we watch the sequence, we see tons of actors running around, there are explosions happening, the camera’s panning up to see the planet above crumbling and asteroids pelting the surface.

There was a lot of planning that went through at the very beginning. We brought the paper models of this to Autumn, our cinematographer and creative director, to use to plan some of their shots. One day, we had some more information that fed back to the art department where we developed more involved and elaborate drawings and models which again, fed back to them. In this way, we had kind of an iterative conversation to arrive at what the design was.

So, as we start to build the set, many of the department heads came to visit and check the progress. We rehearsed what the shot was going to be, so we could exactly fine-tune the set to meet the needs of this shot and see where the edits needed to be. In order to do this, we needed to adjust the exact width of the roads or move a piece of scenery here and then figure out exactly, okay, there’s going to be an explosion coming out of the ground here and another explosion coming out of the building here and this is when the camera looks up to the sky and sees the planet explode. This is where the window breaks and this is where the guy jumps out and grabs him and there’s a fight.

There are many, many people involved; Monique Garderton, our stunt coordinator, Kate Herron, the director, and also the special effects team, and of course, visual effects, deeply involved, and Richard Graves, who is kind of our AD (Assistant Director), the circus leader of all of it, organizing everybody to kind of work on this thing altogether. It’s the sort of thing that involves so many different departments that it can only really be discovered when working in a big group together.

I would say that was maybe the most challenging technically because there were so many logistical parameters and so many moving parts.

Q: What are your thoughts on diversity in the production of the creative industry?

I think that it is critically important. As somebody who is myself an immigrant, I was born in Iran and my family moved here when I was quite young. I’m super happy to see the direction that the industry is going in. I think Marvel has been particularly excellent in providing leadership in this way and I honestly have to give a lot of credit to Kate Herron, our director.

Almost more than any other project I’ve been on, she prioritised inclusivity and diversity. I mean, lots of people, don’t get me wrong, it’s on every project and on everyone’s mind, but I think Kate went above and beyond because it’s so fundamental to her worldview and she’s such a sensitive soul in this way. One of the many ways in that it was such a joy to work with Kate and I’m very proud of the many different ethnicities we’re representing, and how many women we’ve had. In our art department, we had close to fifty men and women.

It’s important and leads to better creative results that are more fully realized and more representative of what the fans really want.

[thenexusofsouls]

Muse: Ethan Cavender

[Bio and other information below the cut!]

Type of Character & Fandom/Source Material: An OC/canon mashup (an OC that is very heavily inspired by a canon character and therefore not wholly original) inspired by the character Ben in the movie The Apparition (2012)

FC: Sebastian Stan (but not from The Apparition, haha... Ethan is about a decade older than Ben)

Race: Human

Age: 32

Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Heteroromantic/heterosexual, but hard to ship as his last two girlfriends were killed, so he’s not looking to endanger anyone else by starting a relationship

Occupation: Survivalist; online electrical/computer/robotics engineering consultant

Family: Parents he hasn’t seen in a decade; girlfriend, Lydia (deceased); girlfriend, Kelly (deceased)

Potentially Triggering Material in Threads: body horror (partially severed limbs, stretched faces, body parts stuck onto bodies in the wrong places or orientations, and/or bodies stuck in walls or other solid objects); demons; ghosts; insomnia; paranoia; PTSD; depression

Negative Personality Traits: He can be reckless, defensive, and standoffish. He sometimes gets nasty with people to purposely push them away so he doesn’t endanger them.

Positive Personality Traits: He’s a genuinely good person who just doesn’t want to be the reason why anyone else gets hurt at this point. He’s a lot braver than he realizes.

Background: Ethan was a typical midwestern kid growing up, and he always loved building things. despite his string of mind-numbingly boring jobs at places like Home Depot, Ethan was on his way to becoming a electrical and robotics engineer. He made it all the way to his senior year of college at age 22, but then dropped out without completing his senior research project or graduating. This was because of an incident that resulted in the death of a friend and his girlfriend at the time. Ethan and two friends, Patrick and Greg, and his girlfriend, Lydia, all of whom were students at the same university, decided to all work on one research project together, using space in the basement of one of the university buildings to set up their laboratory. Their disciplines spanned engineering, psychology, religious studies, and history.

Their hypothesis was simple: all paranormal events that cannot be explained by science are manifestations of the human mind. In other words, things like ghosts and demons exist because people believe they’re real. Once you believe, you can be affected by them. By using a trigger object (an object used in paranormal investigations to invite the energy of a spirit or entity, usually something from their life or visually representative of something the energy would be attracted to) and an electrical field designed to help focus all their brain waves on the trigger object, the four of them focused on a statue used in a similar experiment previously years ago and attempted to create an entity with their minds. At the time, they believed they were successful, because something did show up. It killed Greg and pulled Lydia into a nearby wall, never to be seen again. Ethan freaked out, quit school, and moved back home.

Two years later found Ethan moving into a new house with his then girlfriend Kelly. Everything was fine at first, but then strange things began to happen. The neighbor’s dog walked into their house and died. Things were moved around in the house. And odd occurrences like clothing being tied up in knots and objects being fused together began to happen. Around this time, Patrick reached out to Ethan, telling him that for the past two years, he’s been living in a Faraday Cage of sorts, a metal electrified cage that emits certain frequencies. This was apparently the only way he could stave off and survive the entity they “created” with their experience two years prior. The entity was captured during the experiment, and Patrick tried to get rid of it, to send it back where it came. Unfortunately, the opposite was done and the creature was set free. Not only were they completely misunderstood as to what the entity was, but it was far more intelligent than was previously thought. It also is angry that it was held captive and is systematically going after everyone involved with the experiment as well as their loved ones. Patrick contacted Ethan to warn him but also to ask for help in trying to destroy the creature again.

Long story short, it was a disaster. Patrick and Ethan set up another lab with Kelly’s help, and thy successfully purged the house of the creature... except for the garage. It hid in the largely metal-encased garage and was unaffected by the frequency-emitters employed during the purge attempt. Not realizing the entity still lived, the three let their guard down, and soon Patrick was killed, dragged into a dark room and never seen again, and Kelly was also killed, pulled partially into a wall and left there by the entity to die. Ethan assumed the entity would come after him next, however, with him being the last one left alive that had any part in the experiment that pulled it out of its own dimension and imprisoned it, the entity has decided instead to slowly torture Ethan. It hounds his sleep and doesn’t allow him much REM sleep, it manifests in frightening ways that give him nightmares, and it attacks and kills anyone who tries to help him or get close to him. Ethan travels with a cage similar to that which Patrick survived in for two years that he can put together in a short amount of time to protect him while he sleeps. Otherwise, he just stays on the road, working online because he’s not able to hold a normal job.

About the Entity or “Apparition”: This creature is not something that was produced by the minds of the college students in that original experiment. It is actually an inter-dimensional creature, basically an as-of-yet undescribed species/lifeform that exists in a dimension parallel to ours. The combination of mental energy and EMF (electro-magnetic frequencies) utilized during the experiment created a rift that let the creature come through. The attempt to send it back, left this rift open, and now the creature can enter our world and pull others into its world. It’s highly intelligent and methodical in its study of humans and the human world. It is curious about tangible life, for it is mostly an incorporeal being. I say mostly because it can manifest as a solid being for a time, and it does so partially to try and understand our anatomy but partially also to scare us and test our willpower, fears, and emotional endurance.

Because it does not fully understand humans and our world, its manifestations are often frighteningly grotesque (if you’ve seen any of the movies of The Thing, it’s kindof like that). It will try to look like a human, but the limbs are bent in weird ways, the head is on backward, the eyes are missing, things like that. So it’s trying to mimic and doing a poor job. Also, it likes to “play” with the human world, so an indication of its presence is the manipulation of solid objects such that they are changed on a molecular level. So... finding your flat screen TV suddenly embedded halfway into the wall as if it had always been a part of that wall. Having the wooden spokes of a staircase be curled in all different directions as if the wood had always been curved. Seeing chairs all melded together as if they’d always been that way. Those are all exampled of the entity playing with our environment in an attempt to better understand it.

In addition to not being able to cross certain EMF fields, the creature is also averse to bright light. It will avoid stepping into it directly and will become agitated if light is shined on it, such as with a flashlight or spotlight. It also does not like being filmed and will attack anyone with a camera or a phone pointed at it. It kills in two different ways. Either it grabs you and pulls you into its dimension, which either kills you once you get there or you get stuck halfway along the way and are killed by whatever solid object your body merges with, or it kills you simply with its residue. The creature leaves behind a black, bubbling, nodular substance or stain that is poisonous to living beings of our plane.

Here are some concept artworks of the creature in its natural form, which is incorporeal (trigger warning for demons/ghosts/skeletal creatures X,X,X), and when it tries to manifest solidly and mimic humans (trigger warning for body horror! X)

Potential Starter Ideas:

Your muse could meet Ethan and think he’s completely batshit crazy, heh. The entity has a habit of backing off for long enough periods of time to make it seem like he’s crazy. It seems to take some pleasure in this.

Your muse could offer to help him try and get rid of the entity, whether your muse is skilled with parapsychology or engineering, or even has magical abilities. Maybe your muse has connections to high-ranking/high-powered/cutting edge technology agencies that might be able to help sever the attachment between him and the entity or maybe even capture, kill, or send it back to its own dimension.

Since I write in the Marvel fandom, I welcome any and all magic user muses or SHIELD agents or anyone else who thinks they can help my rather hopeless and sleepy boi, heh.

Fun facts: 

Despite the very much not-funny reasons why Ethan is incredibly sleep deprived, the fact that he is often makes him turn to humor to lighten situations. He makes the worst jokes when he meets someone, trying to make the best of a crappy situation.

Ethan finished his degrees online, and now has a duel Masters in Electrical Engineering and Materials Science.

He’s gotten to the point where he can have short conversations with the entity in which it appears to understand him or at least be paying attention to what he’s saying. However, such encounters usually end in the entity becoming enraged and frightening him in some way with an upsetting manifestation, sometimes involving faces that look like either Lydia and Kelly.

[cutekitteninky]

Dolos

Megane's home planet

!!Warning!! This post will contain some dark themes.

So its time for me to ramble again! So im not going to talk much about megane but I will talk about where she came from and talk about the lore/history of Dolos (megane's home planet).

Not many know about Dolos' origins or how it became so dark and twisted but all we know is bad shit just decided to happen. Dolos is one of the fastest, futuristic, civilizations that has ever been developed in the universe, along with some other planet civilizations and solar systems. Like I mentioned in megane's story post, the high ups of Dolo has some very very questionable practices and how they handle things. For the most part Dolos has a weird job system they strictly go by. Higher ups choose who works and who can't, what jobs some citizens will have and which they cannot etc. Most of the jobs are reparing spaceships/spacecraft, engineering, military, armorer, a helper for the higher ups, etc. Dolos may take a big pride of their military size and such but the way they created it is unhuman to say the least.. Higher ups usually pick children at random who may have potential on the military field and take them from a young age. Sometimes as teenagers and sometimes when they are just a kid from around 9 or 10 or even younger. They take them from a young age to educate them and to train them into future troopers (they actually do this for whatever important field they choosed for them to work on. They call each job a station. Most of them are of course separated from different buildings or sometimes different floors of a building if the stations are able to help each other).

Citizens of Dolos don't know anything about the outside world of their solar system. They are usually lied to by their overly controlling leader. Citizens were still granted with the knowledge of how to fight and basic knowledge but were never granted the right to learn anything outside of the planet unless they worked for the higher ups (they also cannot leave the planet unless its requested by the leader/higher ups). For example, only troopers were allowed to learn about the outside world because some of the missions would've taken place outside of the planet, either to do a outside experiment, taking a escaped citizen back to Dolos, getting resources from other planets, etc. Citizens never knew about the leader's twisted plans and practices he did to those innocent citizens. Citizens believe they are safe, a endless cycle of false sense of safety and pride.

Not only were some jobs and trying very dangerous/risky. Most of the unfortunate citizens had to be used as test subjects for experiments. However only troopers or troopers in training mainly participated in these unhuman experiments. They use these experiments to test drugs that can possibly help them in combat or test anything that can be harmful to their enemies as well. They also did experiments that would damage a lot of the troopers such as noise experiments, vision experiments, anything related that can be sensitive and harmful. Most of these experiments caused a lot of trauma, damage, and even death to many test subjects. Most of these experiments lead to most of their test subjects to have hallucinations and extreme pain in most cases. These hallucinations were extremely terrifying to most test subjects to the point they hide in fear or try to escape, not wanting to do the experiments. And the extreme pain is so unbearable most test subjects can't walk for a couple of hours and can only just curl up in pain.

Test subjects who have hallucinations usually have it pretty bad, they hallucinate some of their peers as these twisted and creepy creatures. Whatever happened to the person the test subject is looking at, the damage the person has can effect their hallucination monster form thing. Not all test subjects have extreme hallucinations but most do. This can also make test subjects become aggressive and fearful because of these hallucinations. They only see it as having the choice to fight or flee. Most of the staff/doctors didn't know how to handle these kind of situations which lead to bad choices and trauma for both the test subject and some cases the staff. Most staff weren't the best with dealing with the test subjects and troopers in training, they mostly treat them like complete shit but still teaches them what had to be teached and still do their job. Just not in the best way possible I guess I should say.

Sorry for the shitty doodles haha- im not good with explaining so I think drawing it helps to get my point across <:D

More about the normal citizens of Dolos. Everyone must wear uniforms at all times unless you are in your comfort of your home. Normal citizens have to wear clothes that mainly represent the colors of Dolos' colors. Even people with jobs had to wear a specific uniform. (Sadly I only drawn the uniforms for the troopers and normal citizens but in the far future I will draw the uniforms for the other jobs I promise!). Thankfully normal citizens and even those with jobs are allowed to have weapons. They just cannot use it against the higher ups and not on each other. Citizens' weapons are weaker than military weapons in Dolos. However, citizens weapons can still do damage and are mainly used for self defense. If they try using it on higher ups, the citizen on question would be punishment with murder. (Most punishments are either murder or 20 years in jail depending the crime. But most crimes including hurting the higher ups are a instant kill).

Please ingore the names in the bottom of the doodles. This is just to give off the main idea I mean in the post. Also keep in mind the one eye trooper is not how normal citizens nor how troopers look like.

You may be wondering, hey why is the leader of Dolos so scared of the word getting out about their inhuman ways of life and abuse of power? Well theres a bigger higher up in the universe thats control by someone who is more kinder. This bigger higher up usually checks peoples backgrounds before letting them claim a planet or solar system if they have the money for it. Of course the leader was grated with Dolos but it can be taken away from him if he dare hurt he's citizens or did more than just inhumane crimes. So he usually tries to keep citizens in and keep them ignorant about what's going on so they won't tell them what has been going on. Which is why the leader does not allow citizens to leave the planet. Once you get in you never get out. The leader always immediately takes action to find missing citizens that have been reported by troopers or any citizen because of the paranoia of citizens escaping the planet and finding "help".

_____________________________________

Woah- that's a lot hehe. Im sorry for the extreme dark theme in this one bois <:c I hope this gives a better idea of what kind of environment megane use to be in before the leader fucking became cheeto dust 😔. I have been wanting to talk about where megane use to come from but I didn't want to add it in her main story post because of how much lore it has. I hope you guys enjoy it and if you have any criticism or have any questions, please ask away and let me know! <:D

[krislammsidbtjournal]

Creative-Problem Interviews

INTERVIEW 1

About Jay Josue.  Jay Josue is Sr. Art Director in Los Angeles and currently works at Arcana Academy, an Ad Agency located in Venice. Jay is also a freelance concept and title designer. His selected work can be seen in The Current War (2019), Citizen (2016), Me and Earl and The Dying Girl (2015).

How do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you?)

Jay is a big believer in completely submerging yourself in the world of your project. For example, when Jay was working on The Current War (2019), he engulfed himself in learning everything about the Industrial Age. He gained every bit of knowledge about the electricity titans that were Thomas Edison, George Westinghouse, and Nikola Tesla. Although Jay’s role in the project was more aligned with typography, he stressed that you need to dive into the world and sit with it. “Find an entry-level way to enter the world in any way, shape, or form. From there, you will begin to see the narrative pulled from the styles, history, and aesthetics of your research”.

When asked what inspires him, Jay answered, “Everything. Everywhere. Anytime.” Jay finds beauty in everything and draws on the emotional presence of his surroundings. He stresses that we often find ourselves strenuously seeking inspiration versus letting our subconscious do the work – it is why our greatest ideas come from the shower. An example of this is when Jay looks at a building, he not only sees the building holistically, but he draws his attention to the inner workings of the multiple layers that make up the building.  

What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea, and how do you overcome them?

Due to the fast-paced nature of his work, Jay often finds himself challenged with what he calls “Trend Traps.” There is a time and place where a project can take the likings of the newest design trends. However, Jay always strives to come up with something more meaningful in his work.

When asked about overcoming challenges, Jay answered, “As cliché, as it sounds, thinking outside the box helps me combat trend traps.” He encourages always looking at the problem from different angles and allowing yourself to zoom out of the logical problem and think more emotionally. Jay concludes, “By giving yourself a broad perspective in problem-solving and sitting in the world, you will produce more meaningful work.”

What process(es) do you use to solve problems? 


Identify the task at hand.

Be comfortable with the information and sit with it.  

Research and place yourself within that world.

Begin ideating through sketching, mood boards, scanning books, etc.

Start experimenting through mock-ups and prototypes.

Distill your best ideas and see what works (perhaps ideas 1 and 3 can be the immediate solution).

Execute and continue polishing your final piece.

Finally, deploy.

Jay shared that his process is akin to a fine-artist discipline. Sometimes, the process can hinder his creativity, so he seeks the delicate balance of building parameters broad enough where he can still play without limitations.

INTERVIEW 2

About Blake Hill-Saya.  Blake Hill-Saya is a published author and is the founder of Tenacity Communications, a verbal branding agency in Los Angeles. Blake is also a professional opera singer and licensed physical therapist. Blake brings a unique perspective in her writing with her multifaceted career background.  

How do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you?)

As a verbal coach, Blake is inspired largely by the conversations she has with her clients. One of her foundational questions is, "Tell me about a time with your job where everything just went incredible and tell me how you were feeling." Blake explains that such questions do not often get posed on clients when attempting to find their brand. What she finds from that question is an interesting language where the brand's true essence comes out.

Blake's original work is inspired by the entire literary landscape and the panoramic view it offers. She habitually reads all day and spends her time listening to podcasts about writing, seeking inspiration by writing down new phrases she has not tried out before or looking to see where she could insert herself into the story. Essentially, Blake enjoys and is inspired by the journey in which it took the author to get to where they are and finds a way to find her journey.  

What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea, and how do you overcome them?

When it comes to obstacles, "writer's block is a real thing," and for Blake, it manifests when she is either overwhelmed or burnt out. For Blake, it means it is time to get active. She goes on what she calls "writers walk," where she puts on an audiobook of some of her favorite authors or writers. "I like to restore my faith in good writing and feeling like I have a companionship." She can also be found with a notepad on these walks to help with her writer's block. Blake has also adapted the advice by the late author Ray Bradbury which is to read two short stories and one poem.

As a musician, Blake has found that one way to combat being overwhelmed is with a few minor mental tricks which can be applied to any problem. When she needs to learn a new music piece, she breaks them out into portions and gets to rehearsing. Similarly, she finds herself repeating to herself, "just write X number of pages" to get the juices flowing with writing. "You have to find a system that works for you and stick to that system."

What process(es) do you use to solve problems?

Listen and sit with your client. Do it gracefully and inquisitively. Make them feel cared for. Often with businesses, you can get bogged down with business jargon, but as a consultant, you're able to harness the power of listening.

Build a structure but remember to remain flexible. For example, come to a meeting with prepared questions, but don't structure yourself so much that you can still react at the moment. You want your client the walk away to feel like they've been seen and heard.

Always follow up with a thank you email and a personal touch to know that "Hey! I see and hear you, and I'm on your side!"

INTERVIEW 3

About Jourel Baello. Jourel Baello is a Site Merchandiser at MeUndies where he oversees the digital storefront of MeUndies.com, CA-based underwear, and loungewear company. Jourel brings a broad perspective on fast fashion with his unique career journey from traditional brick and mortar retail to eCommerce. Before MeUndies, Jourel worked at Guitar Center as their eCommerce Specialist and spent seven years at Cotton On climbing the corporate ladder from Sales Associate in-store to eCommerce Merchandise Analyst at their LA headquarters.  

How do you generate ideas? (How, when, and where are you inspired? What inspires you?)

MeUndies is a key player in the subscription-based business model, so in order to stay ahead, Jourel looks to the industry for emerging trends to elevate their customer experience. He reviews the competitive landscape and finds opportunities other brands may have that MeUndies could bring to the table.

What inspires Jourel is that eCommerce is still relatively in its infancy compared to the larger scope of retail. “Being at the forefront of what eCommerce can become excites me as an early pioneer in the space.” Jourel is also inspired by the ever-changing playing field eCommerce brings. He concludes, “There is no wrong answer, just lots of testing and different ways to approach problems. Finding the piece of the puzzle that no one else can provide is such a fun challenge.”  


What obstacles do you face in coming up with a new idea, and how do you overcome them?

The biggest challenge Jourel faces is centered around bandwidth with the Developers and Engineers. MeUndies, like any eComm retailer, runs 24/7, 365 days of the year, which is great when collecting feedback on how to make the user experience better, but difficult when all of those changes become overlapping projects. Additionally, more pressure is added around seasonal promotions such as Black Friday where a set of new ideas are introduced. Jourel overcomes these challenges with transparent communication with his team. He reviews the project pipeline and identifies areas where things can be moved around. Then, with the blessings from his senior management, he optimizes new deadlines and manages deliverables. “I constantly revisit our roadmap because of how fast things are changing.” Jourel expresses that it is imperative to see the view of each project and its relation to how it may impact other projects.

What process(es) do you use to solve problems?

Ideating – What is the problem at hand? Are we able to come up with a hypothesis? What questions can we ask?

Cross Functional Discussions – Align with outside departments to ensure goals they have in mind are being addressed.

Internal Team Discussion – Discuss with the internal team about research and findings. Discussing what next steps are if it’s needed to go back to ideating phase.

Test. Test. Test. – Aggressively testing to see what options work and narrowing down solutions.

Analyzing Results – Reviewing test results and make implementation decision. At this stage, it can become iterative which helps drive clarity.

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 10: 2x06 The Doomsday Machine

Took a nap after work and really discombobulated myself. Then got a bit of a second wind watching Star Trek.

I believe I have seen this episode before but I had no memory of it going in and no memory of seeing it before even now that I’ve finished, so, who knows?

Where’s Uhura? Hopefully on shore leave somewhere having fun!

I feel like this other Communications officer walked over to the Captain’s chair hoping Kirk would acknowledge her lol. Then when he doesn’t, she doesn’t really know what to do with herself.

Some of the shots in this opening are really weird: the angle of Kirk and Spock at Spock’s station; the camera suddenly randomly dropping right before Kirk starts walking down the step.

DECKER?? Rev. Spice Boy’s father perhaps?

Hmm so the Constellation is another Constitution class like the Enterprise and the Intrepid. I always get a kick out of seeing other space ships of that same shape for some reason.

Mr. Spock in command.

Poor ship! In an aesthetically pleasing disarray, completely abandoned.

Kirk is a very good detective. “They didn’t leave any random mess, so they must have left on purpose.”

Spock in the chair!

Found Decker!

I know he has to be a Commodore to outrank Kirk later but... why is a Commodore in space? Or in other words, why isn’t the Constellation captained by a Captain?

Does Jim know everyone in Starfleet? He’s just that guy, isn’t he? He has a lot of acquaintances and he’s very friendly and easily charming so he just kind of collects people (especially Starfleet people since it is his WHOLE adult life) but he doesn’t have that many close friends or lasting romantic relationships; he’s hard to get really, properly close to.

Well that’s the mystery of the crew solved :( That’s like tragically sad.

I like when Kirk is smart and understands star ships.

Decker is not being very helpful here in actually explaining what the Threat is! Still, that’s a very classic horror trope: an evil so terrible that it is beyond description. (Alternately, he could have just said “giant windsock dipped in cement,” which is what it was.)

Robot weapon!! Giant ancient alien robot weapon just floating around space, following its orders mindlessly because it is just a machine, a tool set loose by people no longer around to control or restrain it... I love that. That’s so cool and scary and weird all at once.

A space legend!! The Doomsday machine... The most terrible of all weapons, never meant to be used... it destroyed its makers and continues to destroy still...

Really into the visual of towing a ship through space.

We must deactivate the robot!

Now Kirk will repair the ship.

The Commodore is recovering, I see... at least nominally.

“Logically our primary duty is to save Captain Kirk.”

Spock is getting outranked!! Awkward lol. Not a good idea to try to outmaneuver Spock in any way, rank or no. He is Savage and he WILL bring up your dead crew. He is Pissed. The subtlety.

McCoy is soo the audience in this scene. “So are you.. Sir.” That patented rocking motion. Trying to get over, under, around, or through the regulations to do what’s right.

Is the Commodore chewing on one of the floppy disks? That seems pretty weird to me. You can’t EAT them.

Mmm, Kirk working on the ship; sexy. Yet again he must fly the whole constitution class ship BY HIMSELF.

The thing is that Spice Boy Sr. IS unfit for command; anyone who saw him 10 minutes earlier on the Constellation would know that.

I love that not!Uhura doesn’t even try to tell the Commodore the status report; she talks to Spock because she knows who the real boss is here.

Spock, always on the lookout for how to use regulations to get himself back in the chair. Also foreshadowing the suicide.

Now Kirk will distract the evil robot to save Spock!!

Got that ship doing with only Scotty’s help, working all the controls, flying the whole damn thing himself like the bamf he is. Gotta zig zag around to tempt and confuse the robot.

“Scotty you’ve earned your pay for the week.” They get paid lol? In what?

Now the robot machine is eating.

Love Spock’s little, subtle eyebrow raise when he hears Kirk’s name.

This scene is gold lol. Kirk’s not going to let Decker speak for Spock. “Where’s Spock? Give me Mr. Spock. What happened to Spock?” Like good news is that it wasn’t Spock being reckless with the ship but bad news is where is he??

Another regulations show down. “You can file a formal complaint but for now.. out of the chair. Or I shall snap my fingers and have security escort you out.”

Vulcans bluff all the time lmao.

Ah ha, now to get him officially declared unfit.

And now for the required hand to hand combat scene. This ep really does have everything.

The shuttlecraft is escaping!

I love that when Sulu announces that the shuttlecraft doors are opening, Spock’s just like “Well...close them. Duh.”

RIP Decker... The inevitable end of that character.

Spock wants Kirk back on the Enterprise immediately.

I know Kirk is slightly annoyed when Spock corrects his math but like...you know he also finds it sexy.

“Jim, you’ll be killed.” / “Don’t worry bb I don’t intend to die.” Is that not the dialogue?

Now Scotty has to solve literally everything himself.

The tension!!

“Gentlemen, beam me aboard.” That tone, though. That’s such a Kirk tone, like he’s got to be the Cool Boss even and especially in moments of high stakes. That subtle humor Shatner brought to him.

I knew they’re going to save him and I also knew they’d do it at the laaaast possible moment but I was still really scared.

Spock is so in love. The way he looks at Kirk at his return and welcomes him aboard...  Such relief.

And then some classic end of episode dialogue: Spock thoughtfully points out the larger implications of their adventure--that they might have only destroyed one of many planet killers still out there--while Kirk, all relaxed and happy now that the current problem has been solved, and still riding the high of his recent adventure, just makes a funny, minimizing remark. “I found one quite sufficient.” Little flirty smile for no reason.

And so the space legend lives on...

I loved this episode. It really had everything: great sci fi concept; K/S content; Starfleet regulations; a fist fight; aliens; a connection to the current events of its time (with the comparison to the H bomb, asking people to think about the long range/unintended consequences of our extreme weaponry); Kirk being heroic and good at his job; a tense finale.

I feel like this episode seems on its face to show the Kirk and Spock dichotomy that STID and the other AOS movies were trying to depict but like... AOS didn't get it. Like yes Spock quotes all the regulations and ultimately listens to Decker's regulation citing, and Kirk's like "yeah whatever screw those regulations,” but Spock is obviously making strategic decisions and he's always on the lookout for how to use the regs to his advantage--it's not just obeying for the sake of obeying. And Kirk isn't just cavalierly not caring about the rules--he's in an emergency situation and he reads it for what it is, a test of will, where regulations are being weaponized. And he weaponizes them, too: he knows Spock is his direct subordinate and not only will obey him but NEEDS to, per those same regulations.

All 3 of them, including McCoy, know both the regulations and their own morality; they're not that different, but they have different levels of power and different abilities with regard to how they use regulations and how they can interact with other people of other ranks. They ALL want to do what’s right and they will ALL either use or discard regulations as they see fit, to the best of their ability.

AOS just flattened it, in STID in particular: Spock likes rules and doesn't care about anything else and Kirk hates rules and never listens to them.

Of course Kirk in TOS is a decade older and has a lot more experience. Episodes like this make me think about how that experience is one of the huge differences between TOS and AOS Kirk (STXI and STID in particular). You can't fake 15 years of Starfleet experience. you just can't. Could AOS Kirk get down on the ground and fix the Constellation himself and fly it by himself? Probably not.

I get why the AOS verse ran itself into that corner, and in fact it doesn’t matter in STXI, where the narrative is a contained, emergency situation, and Kirk’s command is a field promotion for a discrete and limited purpose, but I do think the movies struggled with that conundrum later. No one has the time to grow and mature in a normal way. How do you build them up over time when you skipped over that development period they logically should have had, both as professionals and as people?

I appreciate STID in theory for trying to address that issue, I just think it did it badly. Like its Kirk narrative was supposed to be about "earning the chair" but it didn't keep Kirk IC while doing that, nor did it address the real problem: he's not just A Rebel, but he is verrrry inexperienced. (I know you could make arguments about his AOS background changing his personality blah blah blah I’ve seen STID recently and in my opinion it just doesn’t feel right.)

Then STB tried to skip over the issue by just pushing the narrative forward to mid-5YM. Well they’re magically experienced now! And that was even worse. So, what can you do?

Anyway that was a big AOS tangent lol.

Next ep is Catspaw. A little late for Halloween but always great nonetheless!

[woonanamin]

Operator Elliott “Judas” Köhler

Name: Elliott Fynn Köhler

Organization: Grenzschutzgruppe 9 (GSG9)

Codename: Judas

Age: 27

Birthday: June 13

Birthplace: Berlin, Germany

Height: 6’0

Weight: 141 lbs

Primary: M870, 552 Commando

Secondary: P12

Gadget: Deployable Shield, Impact Grenades

Unique Gadget: The Weasel

History/Background:

Elliott Köhler was born on June 13, 1992 in Berlin, Germany. He was born to rich parents, Wolfgang and Katrin Köhler. His father was a lawyer while his mother was a stay at home mom. Being the first child of the family, the boy was held high on a pedestal. Not only was he the first, but he was also the last. His parents had tried for years for another boy, but Katrin was infertile which caused a problem in her’s and Wolfgang’s relationship. Several years later, Katrin passed away from a terminal illness leaving Elliott in shambles and Wolfgang acting just fine. The day his mother passed was where Elliott’s life began to get difficult. It was the beginning of the difficult life with his own father.

In high school, Elliott was an intelligent young man who had no direction for his career. He began to act out to make others laugh because it seemed to be the only thing to cheer him up since his mother had passed. Elliott rarely talked about his problems to anyone and his father acted like Katrin never existed. Elliott tried to do that as well, but it would soon bite him in the ass.

At the age of 16, Elliott began to explore who he was. Without a mother’s guidance and a father’s support, Elliott was scared. Sneaking a guy in his room, Elliott began to experiment on his own sexuality. He kept this hidden from his own father knowing there could be consequences. This lasted for months as Elliott kept bring in both women and men. It wasn’t until his father walked in on him experimenting on the same gender. That night Elliott was beat to a pulp and cut off from the family allowance. Only month’s later, Elliott was disowned and kicked out onto the streets with nothing.

Elliott continued going to school, acting as if nothing happened. He seemed to stay the same while everything bad was happening to him. Half the time, Elliott scavenged on the streets for something to eat as everyone walked passed him. His existence in the world felt invisible and it caused the sixteen year old to feel unimportant. It wasn’t until an old man came into his life and decided to take him under his wing.

It wasn’t an odd thing for Kaspar Blaschko to take in young children from the streets. He only did it because he saw himself in all of them. Kaspar, also known as Opa (grandfather) by Elliott, was once a child who lived on the streets and he had always wished for someone to pick him up randomly by chance. He had no support system and it was all he wanted, all he needed. Kaspar was forced to fend for himself and teach himself the way to survive in the awful world. Now, he lived in a small wooden shack being the support system for children who needed it.

Elliott looked up to Kaspar as a part of his family— his true Opa. The old man taught Elliott ways to survive by training him in different fighting styles and ways to take items he dearly needed. Because of Kaspar, Elliott really enjoyed the idea of technology making life better. Kaspar taught him everything about making technical projects to help him in life, thus formed the first version of Elliott’s infamous gadget— The Weasel.

After a whole year of training with Kaspar, Elliott found himself constantly stealing rather than trying to make his life better. For most of his life, things were handed over to him and now he was forced to live on the streets with no guidance. Perhaps it was the sadness over his mother or perhaps it was just pure rage over his damned father. But, something devious was growing within him and Kaspar saw it. Kaspar warned the boy plenty of times that if he didn’t stop his mischief, something would happen to him. Elliott grew angry at the old man from that day forward which causes a lot of tension between their relationship.

Elliott disappeared from Kaspar with no intentions of ever going back. The boy never learned his lesson until an undercover cop finally caught up to him. He was taken down to the local police station where he found out about the year long investigation on him. Panic was settling into the boy’s chest as he felt his heart tighten inside. Elliott and the undercover cop sat in a room with a black glass mirror. The boy truly never thought he’d end up here, but now, he understood what Kaspar was talking about.

Luckily, the undercover cop was caring to the seventeen year old boy. He saw the boy for who he really was under the mask he had been wearing. He wanted a good future for this boy, so he made that his next mission. Elliott went home with the cop, Wes Möller, who decided to give him another chance. Though Elliott didn’t get completely away from being in trouble (he had to do a couple months of community service), he was given another chance at life which made him truly feel wanted and loved. Because of Wes Möller, he finally had a dad, but he also had a reason to live in the now.

Psychological Report:

I find that Operator Judas has a calling in life. He was given several chances to fix his life and it was a journey to get where he is now. Wes Möller played a very big part in Elliott Köhler’s life. He was the reason Elliott become a police officer who strived to be a part of the German counterterrorist group, GSG9.

From my studies on Elliott, I have noted his multiple traumas being important points in how he works. Both on and off the field, Operator Judas sports a mischievous nature that many operators call silly or even just plain dangerous. Elliott has a certain bump in his step that makes people think he lived the best life.

From his mother’s death to sexual identity, from losing everything to gaining everything with a swipe of his hands. All of that led Elliott to where he is today. It shaped his silly personality, his odd ways of showing care to other operators, and even with all that, I know it’s just a mask he hides behind. A mask that he never lets slip until he is finally alone with himself.

I will write back again soon once I figure out Operator Elliott “Judas” Köhler. For now, take note that Mr. Köhler must not be alone at all times. We will check up on him monthly until we are sure he is okay. He is no threat to Team Rainbow, but only a threat to himself.

— Dr. Harishva “Harry” Pandey, Director of Rainbow

Device Evaluation:

Device: “The Weasel” drone

Operator: Specialist Elliott “Judas” Köhler

Evaluation Lead: Specialist Taina “Caveria” Pereira

Specialist Elliott “Judas” Köhler and I understand each other hand in hand. Judas stayed back to tell me everything on his gadget and what got him to this point. He stated that this gadget has been in the makings since he was sixteen years old and was meant to help him steal certain items with a small grasping claw. Köhler continued to explain that the gadget started to evolve into something new because of his job in the German Police Force. Key points in our conversation was how he use to interrogate many terrorists/suspects in the police force and with the GSG9. Köhler, who scavenged for information on certain subjects, made this device for a simpler, much safer way to gather information. While driving the small drone to a suspect, it can be unseen and helps Specialist Köhler get what he needed. To make this gadget pleasing for Rainbow, he decided to mold both version one and two of The Weasel together to combine what we know as the damned drone on the field. What Specialist Elliott “Judas” Köhler has is something that can benefit us all on the field. This gadget needs no fixes and should be good the way it is.

[hippychick006]

SPN Analysis - Season 2

In relation to This Post, I’ve completed Season 2.   Any detailed notes explaining reasoning, I’ve put under the cut so as not to take up your dash

Monster of the Week v Myth arc Episodes: 17 MOTW v 5 Myth arc.  

2.01 (In My Time of Dying), 2.10 (Hunted), 2.14 (Born under a bad sign), 2.21/2.22 (All Hell Breaks Loose 1 and 2) I decided were myth arc.  The rest MOTW.

Wannabe Hunters: 0

See Note 1

Ship Pandering: 0

I’m not counting moments like Playthings, where they are again, twice mistaken for a gay couple.  

Fan Pandering: 0

See Note 2

Someone is called “Family”: 0

Death having no meaning: 0

See Note 3

Sidekick status Updates: 0

Season 1 if you missed it is here.  I made a minor edit to that where I added in that Mary appeared in 1.10: Home, but since she appeared as a spirit, it made no difference to death having no meaning.

Note 1 – Wannabe Hunters

Remember, I am only dealing with what people are doing in this current season so what they might do in a future season is not up for debate right now.  

So, in the post that prompted this analysis, I saw the debate on Ellen and Jo, suggesting the wannabe hunters started with them and I couldn’t disagree more. I agree with @eisforeidolon, regarding these characters which I detail below.

In terms of Ellen and Jo, they first appear in 2.02 (Everybody Loves a Clown). We learn that Ellen runs a bar that hunters frequent and that she used to be married to a hunter, who died when Jo was still in pigtails (so fairly young). Jo remembers him coming home from hunts, so it’s clear he still hunted after she was born.  Given that Ellen knows how to pull a case together and was able to suggest what kind of creature Sam and Dean might be dealing with in 2.02, it’s a reasonable assumption that she found cases for her husband and did research for him, something she kept up after his death, but gives the cases to other hunters. She may even have hunted with Bill before Jo was born but since this isn’t made clear in the text, I’ll assume not.  She is also shown capable of defending herself, which again makes sense – both from running a bar with shady people passing through and being the partner of a hunter.  It’s clear that although she doesn’t hunt herself, she has been around the hunting life for pretty much the entirety of Jo’s life, so I’m fine with her credentials.  Mute point though as she is not seen hunting at all in Season 2.

Jo when we meet her, clearly has been brought up knowing that monsters are real. Along with Ellen, she’s been surrounded by hunters her entire life, and Ellen has made sure she knows how to defend herself.  It’s not clear whether Ellen taught her how to pull a case together or whether that’s something Jo picked up on her own, but it’s not unreasonable that she would learn to do that, both by watching Ellen and learning from the hunters that pass through.  It’s also not unreasonable that she would want to get into the hunting life; most people get in through the death of a loved one and Jo is no exception to that. She wants to follow in her father’s footsteps. As she says, “You wanna know why I want to do the job?  For him. It’s my way of being close to him.  Now tell me what’s wrong with that?”   In the only episode we see Jo hunting in season 2, it is made clear that being able to pull a case together is not the same as actually being a hunter.  Dean says to Sam, “yeah, maybe she put together a good file.  But could you see her out here working one of these things? I don’t think so.”  He also says to Jo, “Sweetheart, this ain’t gender studies. Women can do the job fine. Amateurs can’t.  You have no experience.  What you do have is a bunch of half-baked romantic notions that some barflies put in your head.  Jo is shown to be headstrong and not listening to Dean, thinking she knows better, which only ends up with her needing to be rescued by Dean and Sam and then used as bait.   In my opinion, she is not shown to be a competent hunter out in the field in this episode, but she certainly has potential to be trained into becoming a good hunter if she would listen to people much more experienced than she is.  In 2.10 (Hunted), we find out that Jo left because she wanted to continue hunting against Ellen’s wishes. In 2.14 (Born under a bad sign), we see Jo again, she is working at a bar, no mention is made of her hunting and when she tries to come with Dean to help him find Sam, he refuses.  

We met another wannabe hunter in 2.12 (Nightshifter). Ronald Resnick was also shown to have pulled a case together – yes he thought the “monster” was a mandroid, but he still pulled a decent case together.  When he went out into the field though, we see what happens (or what should happen) to amateur hunters. He was shot and killed part way through the episode because he didn’t know what he was doing.  As Sam himself said “Yeah, except he’s not a hunter, Dean. He’s just a guy who stumbled onto something real.  If he were to go up against this thing he’d get torn apart. Better to stay in the dark and stay alive.”

This is the point we’re all trying to make. There is a huge difference between early seasons and later seasons in credentials for hunters. And suggesting otherwise when the text is there for all to see is an exercise in futility.  Kripke and the early season writers took the time to establish credentials, and they did this extremely well – sometimes with only a couple of lines of dialogue, sometimes with much more.  Take Gordon Walker for example.  We are introduced to him in 2.03 and in a single episode, we get pretty much everything we need to know about him – his background, what got him into hunting, why he specialises in vampires, what he’s like as a character - it helps of course that Sterling is a phenomenal actor.  Maggie’s been in about 6 episodes and I still know nothing about her, but yet I’m supposed to feel sorry that she almost died.  Chalk and cheese between Kripke era and Dabb.  

So anyway, long story short, 0 score in season 2 for wannabe hunters because Kripke didn’t have any (so far).

Note 2 – Fan Pandering

Fan pandering for me is making changes to the show, based on fan reactions or putting something in deliberately to please the fans (not related to shipping).  Pandering isn’t necessarily a bad thing, so I’m only going to count it where it impacts the quality or integrity of the show (in my opinion of course, but happy to have the debate if you want to argue otherwise).

In Season 2, the role originally intended for Jo Harvelle was to be a potential love interest for Dean.  This was not received well by the audience and the plans were changed.  Jo’s role was downplayed and for the most part she was written out. This is normal and has always happened within the television industry.  The question is whether the downplaying of Jo’s character impacted the quality or integrity of the show, and I would argue that since she was not central to the overall plot of season 2, her removal did not impact where the show was heading.  (I’ll talk in Season 4, where I believe removal of a character did impact the plot with the character Anna).

Note 3 – Death having meaning

So, the problem for me (and I think for many others) is not bringing people back, it’s the way people are brought back and whether it makes a mockery of or cheapens death.  

In season 2, there are 4 characters we see again after their death;

In 2.20, both Mary and Jess appear as characters in the djinn episode, What is and what should never be. This is how you bring characters back and don’t cheapen the meaning of death.  Masterclass 101. They aren’t real, their deaths in the real world stands and this episode was just beautiful from start to finish.  Don’t even try to compare it to bringing Nick back in 14.01 or any of the AU characters in Season 13.  

In 2.22, Dean makes a deal to bring Sam back from the dead.  Sam’s death had to happen for all the rest of the story to follow on; Dean going to hell and breaking the first seal   It was another beautifully written episode, and given Dean had to bargain his own life down to 1 year, death certainly has not been cheapened.  

Also in 2.22, John appears.  He got out of the Hell gate before it closed, and if anyone can crawl their way out of Hell, it’s a Winchester.  He disappeared – presumably to heaven - but we don’t ever get confirmation. He was still dead, and it was a good end point for his character, so death still has meaning.

[bleedingcoffee42]

Eureka AU- Part 4

This is fun, I’m enjoying writing this.  Halfway to 20k.  

  Pulling in some references of background FMA people who don’t get used much.  Dr. Jude is from the ‘Blind Alchemist’ OVA, Dr. Crowley from the Curse of the Crimson Elixir game.  And yes, Frank fucking Archer shows up so not much foreshadowing there.     

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 

xxxxxxxxxx

“Quite the amazing prototype.”  Captain Frank Archer reported after his test run with the Ultimate Eye.  The entire hour long experience in the fields around Eureka was breathtaking.    He encountered drone attacks, robots, some weird one eyed sex doll and multiple hazards and obstacles to tackle.  Each time the Ultimate Eye gave him the information he required to make every move, every shot count.   All fed right into his field of vision.  It was like living every video game simulation he every fantasized about bring to work.   Now it was a reality.    “General Raven, this is everything we have dreamed of.”

General Raven smiled and looked over at Mustang who was waiting for his response with a smug look on his face.   “I'll have to give it to you Mustang, this delivers on your promise to the budget committee and then some.”

“It's still a prototype, General.”  Roy said and held out the open pocket watch for Archer to put the contact lens back in.   He was eager to have the tech back in his possession before someone else ran off with it. “We still need to integrate a informational database that will support it.   Right now you're looking at topography maps, weather data, weapons specs and not much else. “

Archer reluctantly removed the piece and put it back in it's case.  “The thermal imaging is better than what we have now.”

“The lens itself is functional, but the computer needs to be fed the information to interpret it.”  Roy explained.  “It's only going to get better from here.”

“When can it go in production, as is?” Raven asked as Mustang snapped the watch closed and put it in his vest pocket.  He and Archer both watched that precious piece of tech disappear into his vest as if the sun just vanished behind the clouds and deprived them of the warmth and light they had been basking in.

“When it's ready.”  Roy replied and walked with the General out of the testing field and back to his car.  “As the database grows, the software needs to grow.   Then we can make adjustments with the user interface and product itself.”

“I didn't come all this way for a bullshit answer, Mustang.”   Raven said.  “I want a tangible date.”

“Give us six months.”  Roy said.  “It will be ready to be shipped and ready for it's experimental runs.”

“I plan to hold you to that.”  Raven said and got in the car.

Roy watched Archer get in with him, still smiling, and the driver left to take them to the hotel in town.   He pulled out his phone and called Riza to report in on the success.   Four months ago he would have just gone back to his office and celebrated his success alone by moving on to another project.   He would have gone home in a good mood and failed to share anything but the 'It went well' and probably would have left it at that.  Being in a good mood would put him at ease and he'd undoubtedly be the man Riza actually fell in love with, which would lead to the day culminating in great sex with his wife.   Then he would screw it all up the next day when Raven saw a not so promising sex doll/soldier wandering the fields with an leaking eyeball that was shot out screaming like a pterodactyl.   He would have been in a foul mood and brought it home.   He was glad he wasn't that man anymore.    He did wish his wife was here to shoot that Mannequin soldier as it was now humping a tree.   “Can someone please go get that damned thing or put it down?”

“I'll get it!” Dr. Crowley ran out from behind the observation screen to get his project before someone executed it.

“I expect a report on my desk in the morning as to why that thing now has the desire to want to fuck a tree!” Roy hollered and  of course that was the exact second Riza chose to answer her phone.  He heard her laugh and immediately his tension subsided.   “Hello dear.”

“How did it go?”

“Captain Archer is smiling, so I can't guarantee he didn't witness some homunculus kink.”  Roy said as Crowley tried to coax his creation away from the tree it was now clinging to.   He turned away.  He didn't want to know until it became a problem.  

“Frank archer?  Trust me, he's probably only turned on by the thought of tech that can kill people.”

“Comforting. Thanks dear.”  

“I need to check in with Raven before I call it a day.”

“Raven is heading back to his hotel.   Dr. Jude is packing up.   I'm heading back to my office to just check on a few things before I head home.”  He looked at his watch.   “Dinner at 4?”

“Will it be moist?”

“It's going to be fucking burnt if you use that word once more.”  He threatened.  

“See you at home.”

Roy smiled and hung up.    He knew his attitude had changed just sharing a little bit of his work burden with someone, damned near everyone had commented on it. That was saying a lot since most of the time people were scared to talk to him because he'd have some scathing sarcastic remark to put them on the verge of tears.  He was glad to have her as his partner in this, it made his life easier and better than he could imagine. He had to admit that having Riza by his side for even the most ridiculous tasks made things go smoother,  he even enjoyed joining her for her jobs even if they did spend their morning tracking down a homunculus.   As he heard one more horrifying screech, he really wished he insisted she stay for this trial so she could shoot that damned Mannequin Soldier.  

He looked across the test field and up to the hill where the Bradley's house overlooked the town.  They couldn't see anything as the test area was in a valley, but he could see it.   Fr the first time he actually looked at it as more than just scenery.  His thought about that house and couldn't help but compare it to their own home.  His home was modern, minimal and open.  The old house the Bradley's had was older, smaller but cozy.   A completely different feel to it.   It overlooked the town and wasn't lost among all the other houses that were lined up on the street.  He opened his contacts and looked for Mrs. Bradley and gave her a call as a thought entered his mind that felt right.

“Hello again Mrs. Bradley, It's Dr. Mustang.   Yes...everything is fine, actually I'm calling you on a more personal matter.  No....I don't need melon.   It's about your house, if you ever decided you wanted to sell your home, I would be very interested in buying it.”

Xxxxxxxxx

Riza was frustrated that she was going to be late getting home.  Roy was cooking, she hated to keep him waiting, but for some reason Raven had insisted she update her vaccinations per some recent bulletin that she didn't get or feel she needed to be included in.   He ordered it be done immediately as he had to bring the vaccination in a cooler with him from base to ensure it was delivered and given.   He mumbled about some kind of deposit and handed her the paperwork.  She sent Roy a text telling him she had to fulfill this obligation to her health records and would be late.   She was subject to the medical policies of Eureka itself, it seemed a little extra to be included in some field instructions when she was thousands of miles from any front.  She had been worried that maybe Raven was considering reassigning her, until she found herself with an entirely different problem.

Going to the infirmary was not a big deal, however one routine part of any exam for any woman was being asked “Are you pregnant?” by every medical professional for any ailment or condition.   This time, she had to admit that she was late and it was a possibility. She didn't tell Dr. Knox she hadn't gone for a home pregnancy test because she was waiting for one to arrive in the mail.  She was actually waiting in anticipation for her period, but that sounded like ignoring the problem and hoping it went away.  So she took the test.

Eureka was small and gossip traveled fast.   The last thing she wanted was to go to the pharmacy and leave with a pregnancy test.   She didn't want any false alarms and it's not like she hadn't experienced irregularities in her cycle before.   Especially here, where the scientists could literally be the cause of anything.   So she ordered one online and sent it to the office, hoping to ease her mind and make this easier on everyone.

She was on the pill and as far as she could recall didn't miss a single one.  However, she and Roy had been on hiatus for a month and she was not expecting to have sex during that time so it was possible she could have forgotten something.  Especially when she was dealing with that Barry situation and had a few sleepless nights.   So it seemed like a good place to finally just put her mind at ease anyhow.   Her doctor here was a professional and  patient confidentiality was a thing he took seriously.   She could just take the test, get her vaccination and stop waiting for her manila envelope from Amazon to arrive in the mail.  

“I have some good news.” Dr. Knox said.

Riza breathed a sigh of relief.   Well all that worry for nothing.

“You're pregnant.”  

Riza felt like he had kicked her in the gut.   Knox gave her a smile, a weird feature for the gruff doctor and he saw her reaction and she watched it fade away.   “I'm sorry, what?  You said good news?”

Knox grimaced. “Typically when someone waits to see the doctor for a pregnancy test they want it to be positive.”

“Are you sure?”

Knox handed her the test results.   He wasn't sure what she was asking for confirmation of.   “If you need to discuss options, we can do that, but I recommend thinking on it a while before you do.  Especially if  this wasn't planned.”

Riza stared at the words on the paper.  No it wasn't planned.   The last thing she expected was to have Roy stroll back into town two months ago and finish that conversation of theirs with sex on his desk.    It could have been anytime, but after that she was much more vigilant about her pills.   She just took it for granted that she didn't go lax on protocol while he was away, but she had so much on her plate at the time that....apparently she missed something.

“False positive might be a thing, but not in this town.  That's a guaranteed result from the Curtis Test.”  Knox said.  “Do you want me to do an exam?”

“No, I'm late for dinner. Thank you.”  She said and folded up the paper and gave him a weak smile.  Late for a lot of things.   She and Roy never even talked about kids.   They talked about a dog, but never kids.  When did she tell him?  AS soon as she got home?   After dinner?  Could she even eat dinner now that she was feeling so queasy from the news?  

“Just call me if you have any questions.” Knox said and opened the door for her.  

xxxxxxxxx

Roy was excited and he couldn't wait for Riza to get home.   Mrs. Bradley admitted she wanted to move closer to school now that Selim was ready to start school and agreed to sell him her house!   He couldn't wait to see the look on Riza's face when he told her he got them a home. Something for both of them  and something with a yard where they could have a dog!  So he ran over to the door when his phone alerted him to someone on the door step and startled her with a grin and “Welcome home!”

Riza's keys were still in her hand and she looked at Roy wondering why he was so excited.   Had Knox called him with the news?  No.  Knox would have never done that.   This had to be something else.   “Did the General increase your budget or something?  You're really excited.”

Roy let her come in and closed the door and then bounded in front of her like a puppy excited to see it's owner.  “I have a surprise!”

Riza was just at a loss for the source of his enthusiasm.   So all she said was a monotone, “Me too.”

“I bought us a house!”  He exclaimed.   “Bradley's farmhouse!  You said you liked it and it reminded you of your childhood home. I've been thinking about how this was just my house you moved in to.   It's not our home.   Hell, I know you really don't like it that much so I thought we could start over together with our own home and maybe a puppy!”

Riza stood there and blinked.   He...bought a house? For them.   It was definitely more thoughtful than just handing her the keys to his home, but it would have been more thoughtful to include her in the process.  She dared not tell him that she was just creating small talk and she honestly didn't like how much that house reminded her of her childhood home.   She didn't have a good childhood, she joined the military to get away from that house.     However, Roy meant well.   He was excited.   He was ready for a new life together and this was his way of committing to that.   He was giving up the house he custom built and crafted to his old lifestyle.   This was huge for him.  “I have something to tell you too.”

“You're bleeding.”

“What?”  Riza asked as he grabbed a tissue and dabbed at her nose.  She watched it come away from her face with blood from a nosebleed.  

“Are you alright?”  Roy asked and put his hand on her forehead to check for a fever.   He looked in her eyes to notice they were slightly bloodshot.   The nosebleed wasn't stopping.  “You said you went for a vaccination?   What were the side effects?”

Riza took the tissue and dabbed at her own nose.    She felt embarrassed.  She hoped she didn't tear up in the car when she was thinking about her condition.   She had to be flushed because she was nervous.   The nosebleed could be from anything.    “I'm fine.”

Roy took her wrist to feel for a pulse and she pulled away.   “You could be having a reaction. For god's sake Riza, I'm a doctor can you please...”

“You're not a medical doctor.”  She said and went for another tissue.  That was a lot of blood.  

“I know enough about biology to know that this is concerning.”  He said and pulled his phone out.  “What vaccine did they give you?”

“I don't know it was something the military insisted I have.  Some bulletin I didn't get because I'm not on base.  Raven brought it with him.”  Riza pulled the tissue away and grabbed another.  

Roy called the infirmary.   “I need to talk to Dr. Knox, now.”

“Roy.”  She reached out for his phone in a panic, thinking Knox would infer this was about her pregnancy and tell him before she got the chance.   As she reached for it though she got light headed and Roy grabbed her as she fell into him.

“We're going to the infirmary.”  He said and hung up his phone.  “Don't argue with me on this.”

[almostafantasia]

Lancelot (5/14)

Lexa Woods, an impeccably dressed British secret agent for the covert Kingsman organisation, whose latest mission sees her sneaking through the corridors of the White House in the middle of the night, finds herself having to seduce the daughter of the newly elected President of the United States in a bid to save the world. It’s a surprise to Lexa when she ends up falling for her target as fast as she does, meanwhile Clarke doesn’t expect her gorgeous date for an international political gala dinner to drag her into a world of thrill and danger where one wrong move could cause a global disaster.

a clexa kingsman au | chapter 5/14 read on ao3

“A lesbian bar?” Lexa asks incredulously. “You brought me to a lesbian bar?”

As Lexa peers around the bar, with its grungy lighting and soft background music, her immediate thought is that she should have picked a gayer outfit. A lot of the women in the room are dressed in flannels or shirts or v-neck tees, and Lexa feels a mournful pang for the shirts back in her hotel room. The outfit she’s wearing is nice - a sheer, sleeveless top paired with dark skinny jeans - and her winged eyeliner game is on point, but she dressed for a generic night out. Had she known that Anya had a lesbian bar in mind, Lexa would definitely have dressed a little differently, and she is left feeling like she doesn’t quite look gay enough to have earned herself entry to this bar.

Which is ridiculous, Lexa is fully aware. She knows that there’s no such thing as “looking gay”, and her wardrobe back in England holds everything from dresses to tuxedos, from sweatpants to a three-piece tweed suit, but Lexa finds that the way she dresses affects her mindset. When she wears a crisp shirt and a tailored suit, the perfect knot of a tie sitting neatly at her collar, she’s Agent Lancelot, ready to think quickly on her feet to save the world; when she wears jeans and a casual tee, she’s just regular Lexa doing her supermarket shopping or reading a book or hanging out with her thirteen year-old brother on the weekends, a normal twenty-two year old living a normal life. It’s only a little thing, but it works mentally, it helps distinguish the different parts of Lexa’s life.

And it seeps into other things too, enough that Lexa feels out of place right now, like she’s dressed up for the wrong night out.

It’s a good job that she has no intention of pulling tonight. Lexa feels a little bit too off-balance to even consider bringing out her charm and using it on any of the girls in this bar tonight.

Noting Lexa’s surprise, Anya asks, “Would you rather I took you someplace where we’ll get hit on by gross college boys all night?”

Lexa thinks back to her previous experiences of entitled straight men and grimaces when she imagines what they might be like on this side of the Atlantic, where infant boys are weaned off their mothers’ breast milk onto a diet of misogyny and toxic masculinity before they can even say their own names, to an even greater extent than Lexa is used to back at home.

Conceding that perhaps Anya’s idea to come to this particular bar may not have been a terrible one after all, Lexa says, “No.”

“Good,” grins Anya. She wraps a playful arm around Lexa’s shoulders, forcing Lexa’s body to lean into her side as they walk up to the bar, then asks cheekily, “Buy me a drink?”

“Really?”

“Yes, because I’m a better agent than you.”

Lexa tries to find within her the strength to dispute Anya’s point, but following her abysmal performance in the White House two nights ago, she really doesn’t think that she can put together much of an argument.

“For once, I don’t think I can disagree,” admits Lexa, too tired to be bothered by any gloating that Anya might do.

They reach the bar and Lexa orders drinks for both of them, while Anya starts scanning the room. Lexa knows exactly what Anya is doing, searching for a potential bedfellow for the night, but she refuses to join in. Lexa doesn’t want to become a cliche, a tourist in a strange city looking for a one night stand to quell a hunger for adrenaline.

“Okay, the hottest girl in the room is definitely the one over there,” says Anya, nodding to the corner of the bar furthest from the door. “Dibs.”

“You’re welcome to her,” shrugs Lexa, quickly thanking the bartender, before picking up both glasses and passing Anya’s drink over to her. “I’ve got no interest in having a meaningless one night stand just because we leave the country in the morning.”

Beside her, Anya has fallen oddly silent, still staring out in the direction of the girl she’s eyeing up. Lexa rolls her eyes, slightly frustrated by the fact that Anya has dragged her out of the hotel, only to take interest in somebody else straight away, and she finds herself hoping that Anya can get a move on so that Lexa can retire to her hotel room once more, earlier than planned.

Anya laughs breathily, almost in disbelief, then says, “Lex, you might want to revisit that plan. Look who is sitting next to Hottie.”

Lexa follows Anya’s gaze, quickly locating the girl that her best friend has got her eye on. She’s easy to spot, exactly Anya’s type - dark hair and dangerous eyes and a trace of a smirk tugging at her lips. She sits at a table with three others, and though two have their backs to Lexa, there is no mistaking the third. Lexa doesn’t think she could forget that face in a million lifetimes.

Clarke Griffin is here.

The very same Clarke Griffin that Lexa made an idiot of herself in front of two nights ago.

The very same Clarke Griffin who watched her get tasered and dragged out of the White House in handcuffs by several members of the Secret Service.

The very same Clarke Griffin that is so incredibly beautiful that Lexa literally forgot how to function as a human being in her presence the last time they were in the same room.

“What the fuck?” Lexa exhales in disbelief.

“I knew that going out tonight would be a good idea,” grins Anya.

“Did you know she was going to be here?” asks Lexa, because it’s not completely out of the realm of the possibility that Anya spent the time Lexa was in a cell to track Clarke’s movements specifically so that Lexa is forced to confront the girl she made such a terrible first impression on.

“Of course not,” says Anya, shaking her head. “I think the universe is sticking its middle finger up at you, and I’m one hundred percent here for it.”

Lexa takes a long sip from her drink, then lets out a groan as she says, “I can’t believe she’s here. In a lesbian bar!”

“Well, she is bi,” says Anya.

Lexa hates how fast her head snaps up at this revelation, hates how it betrays her thoughts and hates the knowing smile that Anya gives her in response.

“How do you know that?” asks Lexa, trying to keep her voice as casual as possible even though her mind is running a marathon as she thinks of all the possibilities now that Clarke is here and apparently interested in women.

“Because she came out in a magazine interview last year during Abby Griffin’s campaign,” explains Anya. “I’m pretty sure I sent you a link to the article when it was published.”

“You know I don’t pay attention to celebrity gossip,” shrugs Lexa.

“So are you going to say hi to her?” asks Anya

“How can I?” groans Lexa. She uses the fingers on the hand not holding her drink to count as she continues, “One, she thinks I’m in jail, and two, she thinks I’m a fucking moron!”

“Then she already has low expectations and it can only go up?” suggests Anya. “I’m going over there with or without you, are you coming?” Anya pauses for Lexa’s response, and when she doesn’t get one, continues persuasively, “I’ll put in a good word for you. The very best for my very best friend.”

“Fuck it,” concedes Lexa, downing the rest of her drink for courage and waving at the bartender to get her another. Turning back to Anya, Lexa says, “Though I won’t let you forget you said that. Last week you said I was - and I quote - tolerable.”

“Tolerable as a best friend,” says Anya, with a grin. “Because nobody else is good enough.”

With a fresh drink in her hand, Lexa follows Anya across the room to the table where Clarke and her three friends sit. Lexa tries not to let herself panic too much, deciding that throwing herself into the situation without thought is probably the best option. That particular tactic usually works pretty well in the field - jumping out of a plane, for example, is something that Lexa finds much easier to do if she doesn’t give herself the time to remember that a fault with the parachute could result in her crumpled body hitting the earth from ten thousand feet - and Lexa hopes that it works with pretty girls too. Specifically, that it will work with Clarke.

“Do you ladies mind if we join you?” asks Anya, turning her charm dual up to the maximum as soon as they reach the table.

All four pairs of eyes snap up, focused on Anya at first, but they drift to Lexa soon after. Lexa tries to look anywhere but at Clarke, feeling her eyes watch her with burning intensity long after the other three return their attention to Anya. Instead, Lexa looks at the girl closest to them, the one that Anya has got her eye on, who pushes out the empty chair closest to her and gestures for Anya to sit in it.

“Be my guest,” says the girl, a small smile on her face as she appraises Anya with curiosity. “Is that a British accent I hear?”

“It is,” nods Anya, taking her seat, “and before you ask, yes I have met the Queen.”

Anya quickly launches into a true anecdote that seems to capture the girl’s attention, carefully omitting the part where she foiled an attempt on Prince William’s life.

While Anya makes herself at home immediately, Lexa is left standing beside the table like she’s a little bit in the way. She dares to spare a glance in Clarke’s direction, only to find steely blue eyes staring at her with the kind of intensity that could bore a hole straight through Lexa’s skull. Clarke’s expression contains mixed recognition and confusion, and Lexa feels herself getting very self-conscious the longer she stands there.

Luck, as ever, is working against Lexa, and the only spare seat at the table is the one to Clarke’s immediate right. The only thing working in Lexa’s favour is that the empty seat is as far away from Anya as possible, as she is grateful that Anya is probably going to miss a lot of Lexa’s future embarrassment in front of Clarke.

Clarke, understandably, has some questions.

“Aren’t you…?”

“Later?” Lexa asks, her tone pleading, not wanting to get into the gritty details so soon, especially while the two friends of Clarke that aren’t being charmed by Anya are watching Lexa with intrigue. “I promise I’ll explain.”

Clarke hesitates for a long moment, then nods.

“Okay,” she says, conceding even though there’s a sharp look in her eye that promises Lexa she won’t forget that she wants an explanation. “Well, this is Monroe and their girlfriend Harper. Talking to your friend is Raven. And, well, you know who I am.”

Lexa greets Clarke’s friends with a smile and polite nods of her head.

“I’m Lexa. It’s nice to meet all of you.”

“So what brings you to America?” asks the girl that Clarke introduced as Harper.

“Just work,” answers Lexa, keeping her answer as vague as possible, though she can feel Clarke’s watchful eyes burning into the side of her head once more. “We fly back in the morning so Anya thought it would be a good idea to enjoy our final night in D.C.”

“Oh, what do you do?” asks Harper.

Lexa feels Clarke fall still beside her, as if waiting to hear how Lexa will choose to answer that question, and Lexa wonders how much of her altered truth Clarke has managed to find out.

“Nothing exciting,” Lexa answers vaguely as possible. “I don’t want to bore you with the details. Tell me, how do you all know each other?”

Lexa’s deflection works, or perhaps Clarke picks up on the fact that Lexa is deliberately avoiding talking about her work and jumps in to save her, because Clarke is quick to offer up an answer.

“The three of us went to high school together and Raven is a college friend of mine,” she tells Lexa. “Harper and Monroe live here in D.C. and Raven is staying with me for a week or so during spring break. We thought it would be nice to go out and here we don’t have to deal with gross men hitting on us.”

Lexa nods understandingly, and says, “That was Anya’s reason for choosing here too.”

Clarke pauses for a few seconds, watchful eyes not leaving Lexa’s face once, before she replies in a voice that is a little lower than before, “Well I’m glad that she did.”

It’s almost intangible, but Lexa feels a spark crackle between them, and it causes the breath to hitch in her throat.

Lexa’s mouth is dry as she replies, “So am I.”

Lexa thinks that she can see the corner of Clarke’s mouth twitch as if going to smile, but then it’s gone, perhaps just a product of Lexa’s wishful imagination.

Though there is a seed of doubt in Lexa’s mind, wondering whether the chemistry between them is something she’s made up in her mind, it must be evident enough for the others around the table to notice it, because Monroe asks, “You and Anya aren’t dating then?”

Beside Lexa, Clarke glances across to where Raven is laughing at something that Anya has said, one of her hands resting on Anya’s forearm, then looks back at Monroe as she answers for Lexa, “I doubt Anya would be hitting on Raven quite so blatantly if she was dating Lexa. Unless that’s what you’re into?”

Clarke arches a questioning eyebrow in Lexa’s direction.

Lexa shakes her head, because although there was a girl in Bali that proposed a threesome with them both when they visited, Anya is too close of a friend for Lexa to even consider seeing her in that kind of way. Besides, while the jury is still out on Anya, Lexa is definitely the monogamous type.

“Nope, definitely not dating,” says Lexa, wincing at the thought. “Anya is more of an annoying older sister.

“Anybody else special in your life?”

Clarke reaches for her drink as she asks the question, and Lexa has to fight back a smile, experienced enough at reading other people’s body language to know that Clarke is trying to pass her question off as casual curiosity, which probably means that she’s actually got a personal interest in Lexa’s answer. Which probably means that…

Lexa shakes herself out of her thoughts, trying not to get ahead of herself. If there’s anybody with a personal interest in the other, it’s definitely Lexa, and she tries not to let her attraction for Clarke project unrealistic scenarios onto her imagination.

“No,” answers Lexa, now doing her own best attempt at trying to remain casually unaffected by the conversation. “What about yourself?”

“Nobody,” answers Clarke. “Still waiting for the right person to come along.”

Lexa nods and tries to act unaffected by this new piece of information, though she files it away in her mind as she tries not to get too caught up in hope that maybe the right person is her. Instead, Lexa turns her attention to Harper and Monroe.

“So how long have you two been dating?”

Harper and Monroe bid them farewell after they finish their drinks, claiming that they have an early start to visit Harper’s parents the next morning. Raven and Anya are absorbed in a conversation of their own at the other end of the table, and they soon disappear to the bar for another drink, where they stay, finally leaving Lexa alone with Clarke.

With some newfound privacy, Clarke wastes no time in questioning Lexa about the other night.

“So I heard a rumour that you’re MI6,” she says, raising an eyebrow as she regards Lexa with curiosity.

Lexa hesitates before she answers, wondering whether she should go along with the lie or construct an entirely new one for Clarke’s benefit. But there are still twelve hours until her flight out of the country, twelve hours in which Clarke could easily contact somebody very important and let them know that the intruder from the other night is not who she claims to be. It’s easier to go along with a lie that has a few forged documents to support it.

“Well, yes,” nods Lexa.

“Are you going to tell me what you were doing inside the White House?” Clarke asks.

Her eyes are full of intrigue, her really gorgeous eyes, and Lexa has to remind herself that confessing all her secrets to a new acquaintance who happens to be the daughter of a powerful world leader would probably not be her cleverest idea.

Instead, Lexa leans back in her seat, looks Clarke in the eyes and then, using a line that Lexa is pretty certain she picked up from a movie, deadpans, “If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

Clarke’s reaction is worth it. Her face cracks open into a smile and a bubble of laughter leaves her throat, and though Lexa’s words were intended to be aloof and mysterious in a way that she hoped might charm Clarke, Lexa is the one that is left feeling disarmed.

“I bet you use that line on all the girls,” says Clarke.

“Only the pretty ones,” Lexa quips back.

“And does it work?”

Lexa feels her entire body relaxing because this, this is how you flirt with pretty girls, not whatever bumbling mess she made of herself the other day. She reaches for her a drink, taking a sip and savouring the moment as Clarke watches her and waits for Lexa’s answer, then glances up at Clarke with a trace of a smile on her lips.

“I don’t know, does it?”

Why, oh why can’t Anya be here now to witness her charm Clarke with carefully chosen lines?

Clarke looks away shyly, picking up her own drink as a way of giving herself something to do. And with Clarke caught off-guard, and her own confidence spiking, Lexa presses on with the apology she’s been so desperate to give ever since she saw Clarke across the bar and realised she might have a chance to redeem herself after their first meeting.

“Clarke, I really must apologise for how I came across the other night,” says Lexa. “I promise you, that’s not normal behaviour for me. Obviously I had a lot going on and then you showed up and took me completely by surprise.”

Clarke looks back up at Lexa, a glimmer of amusement in her eyes, and she says, “Normally when girls fall for me, it’s not because they’ve been tasered.”

Lexa’s cheeks flush pink, though she thinks that Clarke’s teasing is flirtatious rather than actually mocking Lexa.

“Hardly my finest moment,” admits Lexa.

“I know there’s probably a lot you can’t tell me, but I’m curious about one thing,” says Clarke. She leans a little closer, then asks, “How do you get into being a secret agent?”

Lexa relaxes somewhat, because she doesn’t need to construct elaborate lies to answer this question. She can just be herself and tell the truth, and hope that Clarke likes the real Lexa.

“I joined the army straight out of school at eighteen,” answers Lexa. “Well, I tried to. I shattered my kneecap during basic training and had to drop out.”

Lexa grimaces at the memory. One moment she had been pushing herself to complete the obstacle course in the best possible time, and the next, one of her fellow trainees’ hands, slick with the rainwater that pounded down relentlessly over the training compound, slipped through her own while helping her up a sheer wall and she was falling from the high obstacle. The only thing that Lexa can remember from that point with any degree of clarity is the sickening pain, and she feels a twinge of pain in her knee as she recalls the horrendous agony.

“I had surgery on my knee and lots of physiotherapy,” Lexa continues to tell the story, while Clarke listens and watches with concern on her face. “I was just thinking about starting training again when a friend recommended me for a vacancy in intelligence. I went for it and I got it and now here I am.”

“Wow,” says Clarke, appearing impressed. “That all sounds way more exciting than my life.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” says Lexa. “Your mum is the first female President of the United States!”

“Mum,” grins Clarke, mocking Lexa’s accent.

Rolling her eyes and pretending to be offended, though she secretly thinks that Clarke’s playful teasing is the best thing to happen to her all year, Lexa asks, “Did you ever think that your life would end up like this?”

The smile slides off Clarke’s face, replaced by a thoughtful frown. She pauses for a few seconds before she answers.

“In a way, no,” Clarke tells Lexa honestly. “Obviously she’s always been in politics, but this is completely different. But also, it feels like this was always supposed to happen. I have a really vivid memory from my childhood - I must have been, like, six - and I got mad at my mom because she wouldn’t let me play outside after dinner. My dad pulled me aside and said, ‘Clarke, you have to listen to your mom. She’s going to be the President one day.’ And I think I believed him.”

“And now here you are,” concludes Lexa. “She’s the President.”

“She is,” nods Clarke, smiling proudly. “I’m so proud of her, proud of everything that she’s achieved and everything that she wants to do in the future. She’s been President for two months and she’s already leading that new global climate change initiative. There’s so much more that she wants to change. She’s the most amazing woman and the best mom I could ask for. But I do miss my old life sometimes.”

“That’s completely understandable,” says Lexa.

“God, you must think I’m such an ungrateful shit,” groans Clarke. “Complaining about being the President’s daughter when there are millions of people around the world who face real struggles every day. I’m so grateful for my life and everything in it. I mean, if my mom wasn’t President, there’s no way I’d be having a drink with a mysterious spy!”

“Mysterious?” smirks Lexa.

“You broke into my house and I have no idea wh-” Clarke trails off mid-word and Lexa thinks she can see everything click into place in Clarke’s mind and the understanding wash over Clarke’s face. “It’s to do with those other problems with the security, isn’t it?”

Lexa can’t help but smile to herself. As much as she feels as though revealing the exact details of her top secret mission to the very person whose untimely interruption the other night led to its catastrophic failure, Lexa is impressed with Clarke’s intuition and intelligence.

“Not just a pretty face,” teases Lexa.

“So,” says Clarke, her face burrowing into a frown of deep concentration, as she asks, “were you the one responsible for the others or were you trying to stop them from happening?”

“Trying to get an idea of what was behind them so we could stop them from happening again,” answers Lexa. “Unfortunately, somebody showed up before I could actually do any investigating.”

Clarke grimaces and mumbles an apology, before she tentatively asks, “You’re not going to get fired, are you?”

“No. Just demoted to the really menial missions where there are no beautiful girls to distract me.”

Clarke blushes and replies, “I knew you were secretly a charmer. Nobody looks that good in a shirt and tie without being a smooth operator.”

Once again, Lexa feels a pang of sadness for the more dapper side of her wardrobe that she left behind in the hotel room. Knowing that Clarke is into that kind of look only makes Lexa more frustrated with herself that she chose not to dress up a little more for her night out.

Lexa is also worried about Clarke’s words. Though she thinks she’s doing a pretty good job of letting Clarke see the real her, she wants to make sure that Clarke knows that it’s just Lexa’s job that is extraordinary, not her.

“I don’t make a habit of this,” Lexa tries to explain to Clarke. “I don’t want you to think that I’m this international super spy who travels the world and beds a different woman in each city.”

“So I’m special?” asks Clarke, a hint of a teasing smile crossing her lips.

Lexa relaxes a little, then answers breathily, “You have no idea.”

Lexa is like a glass of ice cold water in the middle of a desert, like the sun on Clarke’s face on the first day of spring after a cold winter. Clarke has met a lot of people in her twenty years of life, and particularly in the last few months as her position in the public eye has grown, Clarke has met a lot of people who decide to try their luck at getting it on with the President’s daughter. But there’s something unique about Lexa, a burst of something refreshing, that makes her stand out from the crowds of mediocre frat boys that usually approach her in bars.

Perhaps it’s the fact that she comes across as so quintessentially British. Clarke doesn’t know if Lexa is a typical example of her people, having not met a Brit in the flesh before, but Lexa has a delicate politeness interspersed with delightful charm that has Clarke warming to her immediately.

Of course, that’s ignoring the obvious magnetism of Lexa’s job. Clarke can hardly believe that she’s sharing a drink with an actual secret agent, her very own female James Bond, and the few anecdotes that Lexa shares from her career are so shrouded in combined excitement and intrigue that Clarke can’t help the way that she drinks up every single word, wanting to hear more.

Clarke realises very quickly that she’s attracted to Lexa, but who wouldn’t be? Lexa is gorgeous, a face that is two-thirds cheekbones and the rest lovely lips with a slight natural pout to them. Clarke has been attracted to Lexa since their first meeting, despite the awkward blunders from Lexa, though Clarke realises now that their initial encounter only endears her to Lexa more, knowing that even an international super spy is a flawed human. Clarke is slightly sad that Lexa isn’t wearing a shirt and tie again, having always had a little bit of a weakness for ladies in suits, but the top that Lexa wears tonight shows off toned biceps that cause Clarke’s mouth to dry out every time she ends up looking at them.

Like now.

“You’re staring,” says Lexa, her words snapping Clarke sharply out of her drooling trance. “Have I got something…?”

Lexa glances down at herself, searching for whatever imperfection she thinks might have caught Clarke’s eye, and Clarke is quick to correct her.

“No! There’s nothing.” After two and a half drinks, Clarke feels bold enough to add, “You have very nice arms, that’s all.”

“Oh,” responds Lexa, eyebrows raised in apparent surprise at Clarke’s compliment. “Thanks.”

Seeing Lexa a little bit flustered has Clarke momentarily regretting her decision to voice the truth. But arms have always been a weakness of Clarke’s, on both men and women. There’s just something about seeing a pair of strong arms and the implication of what those arms could do to her in the right situation, and all the moisture leaves Clarke’s mouth and moves south as she tries not to picture Lexa’s body above her own, one arm pinning Clarke’s hands above her head while the other does wicked things between her legs.

Clarke hasn’t had enough to drink to process thoughts like that.

Arms are Clarke’s weakness but so are tattoos, which Lexa also has. There’s an intricate, almost tribal-style tattoo curling around Lexa’s right bicep, and Clarke likes it very much.

“What does this mean?” asks Clarke, reaching out to trace her fingertips across Lexa’s tattoo.

Clarke doesn’t miss the way that Lexa shivers slightly at her touch and she watches a ripple of goosebumps erupt across Lexa’s forearm. The bar is warm, almost too warm now that it’s getting busier, and Clarke knows that Lexa can’t be cold. The realisation that Lexa is reacting that way to her brings a smile of satisfaction to Clarke’s lips.

“It doesn’t really mean anything,” answers Lexa. “I got it when I was eighteen. I was about to join the army and I was worried about being surrounded by men twice my size so I got it because I liked the design and I thought it might make me look tougher than I felt.” Lexa pauses, and then adds, “I know this is stupid, but I also hoped that getting a tattoo would make me look gayer.”

Clarke laughs at Lexa’s reasoning, though she understands completely. She’s been guilty of adjusting her own appearance depending on whether she wants to be considered attractive by men or women, though nothing ever as extreme or as permanent as getting a tattoo.

“I like it,” she tells Lexa, brushing her fingers over the tattoo one final time before she lets her hand drop back into her own lap. “Have you got any others?”

“You’ll have to wait and find out, won’t you?” replies Lexa.

The elusive response is laced with flirtation and Clarke can’t help but hope that Lexa is implying that there might be a continuation of this conversation later, only with much fewer clothes. The thought is enough to render Clarke dazed and speechless.

When Clarke makes no immediate reply, Lexa seems to interpret her silence as something that it isn’t and starts apologising.

“I’m sorry, I don’t actually talk to girls very often,” admits Lexa. “Well, I do, but never like this.”

“Like what?” asks Clarke.

Lexa hesitates and frowns, as if trying to find the right words to explain what she means, and then starts talking.

“I’m not a stranger to talking to girls as part of a mission,” she tells Clarke. “Sometimes I get given a mark, I flirt with her a bit, tell her everything that she wants to hear, and get information out of her.” Lexa pauses momentarily again, chuckling softly under her breath, then continues amusedly, “You’d be surprised how easily some people will tell you exactly what you want to know after you tell them their hair is pretty and give them a couple of orgasms.”

Clarke’s cheeks flush at the thought of Lexa giving girls orgasms, and it takes a few seconds for her to realise that the girl she’s picturing in her head is her, with her fingers fisted through Lexa’s brown hair and her back arched off a bed as Lexa’s mouth works its magic between her legs and oh wow, this got inappropriate fast.

Clarke reaches for her drink and takes a long sip to cool herself down, hoping that the lighting in the bar is dim enough that Lexa won’t notice the pink tinge to her cheeks.

“But that’s work,” continues Lexa, apparently oblivious to the truly debauched direction of Clarke’s current thoughts. “I can do all that with my eyes closed because there’s no attachment there. It’s just another mission. A routine, a certain state of mind.”

“Okay, ladykiller,” teases Clarke.

Lexa shoots Clarke a look, something almost like a glare but ten times more devastating and with a hint of ‘done with your shit’ to it. If Clarke wasn’t attracted to Lexa before, then she definitely would be now, with the slightly aloof stare that Lexa gives her that is equal parts arousing and intimidating - exactly what Clarke likes in a girl.

Lexa finally relaxes, though Clarke doesn’t think she will be able to follow suit, and continues talking.

“I never really let myself talk to girls for me, you know?” says Lexa, and Clarke nods to show that she understands. “So when I do, I’m sort of completely out of my depth. You’re here, and I like that, and I like you, but internally I’m panicking because I don’t know how this is supposed to go.”

There’s something endearingly attractive about Lexa’s honesty. And even though their lives are completely different, Clarke’s so regimented by the security measures in place and her desire to stay out of the public eye while Lexa’s life is full of thrills and uncertainty, Clarke thinks that this might be an area where their lives share a similarity. Because Clarke never really allows herself the luxury of getting close to other people too. Since coming into the spotlight in the last year or so, Clarke’s sexual encounters have been sparse and only with people that she implicitly trusts to remain discrete, while the possibility of romance has been so distant it might as well be on another planet.

Something about being here with Lexa, about flirting with Lexa, just feels right. Clarke can only hope that trusting her intuition won’t become something she regrets.

“I’d say you’ve done pretty well so far,” says Clarke flirtatiously.

With the slight buzz from the alcohol, it’s easy to speak her mind, a sentiment that seems to be echoed by Lexa.

“You’re incredibly beautiful,” confesses Lexa.

Clarke realises that Lexa is watching her, green eyes full of an intensity that Clarke thinks she recognises as desire. Lexa’s gaze drops to Clarke’s lips, and Clarke smiles in triumph.

“See?” says Clarke, exhaling softly as she turns slightly in her seat so that she’s facing Lexa properly, rather than just sitting side by side. “This isn’t so hard, is it?”

Lexa shakes her head and starts to lean in, her eyes going cross-eyed as she tries to keep watching Clarke’s lips. Clarke lets her own eyes drift closed, tilting her head slightly to the side in anticipation of their lips meeting. She feels Lexa’s breath hit her face, still warm, and knows they they must be an immeasurably small amount of time away from actually kissing.

And then Clarke’s phone goes off.

“For fuck’s sake,” groans Clarke.

She can’t believe that they were so close to kissing. Their lips must have been only a hair’s breadth apart. If only they had spent less time flirting in the lead up to the kiss and more time just getting the fuck on with it.

“It’s fine,” says Lexa, who looks disappointed about the interruption but still leans back to put enough distance between them to clear Clarke’s head. “It might be important.”

It’s not important. A text from Raven lights up the screen of Clarke’s phone and she unlocks her phone to read it, her heart still aching with disappointment.

Raven Reyes Left with hottie. Don’t wait up.

“Your friend has made quite the impression on Raven,” says Clarke as she taps out her reply - a thumbs up followed by a series of lewd emojis. “They’ve gone.”

“Anya has never been one to mess around,” shrugs Lexa. “If there’s something she wants, she’ll make sure that she gets it. I think that them leaving together was inevitable from the moment…”

“Lexa, I don’t want to talk about Anya and Raven,” says Clarke, switching her phone off to avoid any further interruptions and placing it face down on the table.

“No?” asks Lexa, her breath hitching in her throat.

Clarke shakes her head and just goes for it, reaching up with one hand to cup Lexa’s face and using it as an anchor to draw Lexa’s mouth to hers, even as she leans in herself.

Lexa lets out a little grunt of surprise as their lips collide, then relaxes, one of her own hands coming up to tangle into Clarke’s hair. Clarke coaxes Lexa’s lips, softer than she could ever have imagined them to be, open with her own and swipes her tongue into Lexa’s mouth, while her fingertips traced a gentle path along the sharp plane of Lexa’s jaw.

Kissing Lexa is unlike anything Clarke’s has experienced before, and certainly seems like it is realms away from the other slightly tipsy kisses she’s shared with strangers. There’s a certain familiarity to kissing Lexa that feels as though Clarke has done this a thousand times before, yet the thrill of a first kiss is still there.

And a really good first kiss it is too. Clarke has experienced her fair share of first kisses before, and the thing that most of them share is awkwardness. Noses that bump together as they get used to new angles, teeth that are a little too sharp and tongues that are too invasive - all things that Clarke has come to expect from kissing somebody for the first time.

But this feels as though Lexa has read and memorized a manual entitled How to Give a Great First Kiss. Because that’s exactly what this is. It’s by no means a perfect kiss, but as first kisses go, Clarke finds it hard to imagine how it could be improved. It’s just the right amount of tentative, Lexa’s lips are curiously explorative, and her hand in Clarke’s hair keeps Clarke anchored to reality when she feels so giddy that she could soar away and leave the entire world behind.

Even though Clarke was the one to initiate the kiss, she feels as though she has relinquished all control. Clarke is glad she’s sitting down because her entire body feels as though it has gone slack beneath Lexa’s lips. Lexa must have magical kissing powers, because Clarke doesn’t want to stop doing this ever.

And maybe Clarke can’t do this forever, because she will eventually need to do things like eat and shower, and she has responsibilities like college and showing her face at the right times to support her mom’s political career, but fuck if she isn’t going to try to keep doing this for the foreseeable future. Which is why Clarke lets her free hand drop to Lexa’s thigh, running her fingers in light circles across the rough denim of Lexa’s pants. She gradually pushes the patterns she draws higher and higher up Lexa’s thigh, not with the intention of actually touching Lexa there, because even though this is what she wants, even Clarke has a boundary of what she’s willing to do in public with a virtual stranger. But she pushes her hand high enough to just give Lexa a hint about where Clarke would be very happy to take things tonight.

Unfortunately, it has the opposite effect, because Lexa pulls back from the kiss and rests her hand over Clarke’s, stopping its movements.

“Clarke, we shouldn’t…” gasps Lexa, letting her forehead drop against Clarke’s, her eyes still close as if she’s trying to will herself not to succumb.

“I know,” agrees Clarke. “Do you want to get out of here?”

Lexa lifts her forehead off Clarke’s and puts a bit of space between them, staring down into her own lap as if trying to avoid looking at Clarke’s directly in the eye.

“No, I meant that we shouldn’t … you know,” says Lexa, letting Clarke fill in the end of the sentence. “I fly back to England in the morning.”

Clarke’s heart feels heavy with disappointment as she tries to wrap it up in a layer of humor.

“And you’re worried that after one night with you, I’ll be hopelessly in love with you and heartbroken when you leave,” teases Clarke. “I’m a big girl, Lexa. I can manage my own feelings.”

“Actually, I was thinking of how early the flight is and the fact that I still need to pack. But you’re right. We’re never going to see each other again. It’s probably for the best that we leave it at a kiss.”

Clarke can’t help but find herself wondering how many times Lexa has bedded a woman for one night in a foreign city, only to never see her again. At least a few, Clarke decides, if not countless times. The thought brings an unwelcome sting to Clarke’s eyes as she wonders what is different about her compared to all those other women for Lexa not to want to sleep with her, and she quickly blinks away the tears before they can even start to glisten in her eyes.

“That’s probably sensible,” Clarke says, her words agreeing with Lexa even though her mind is screaming the opposite.

“I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you though,” adds Lexa, reaching out with one hand to lace it through Clarke’s fingers.

Clarke has a horrible feeling that Lexa is trying to let her down gently, but she squeezes the fingers back anyway and tries to keep her emotions in check.

“Yeah, same.”

Lexa tilts her wrist, glancing down at the chunky - and probably very expensive - gold watch that she wears.

“It’s late,” she tells Clarke. “I’ve had a wonderful evening but I really do need to go back to my hotel. Are you going to be okay getting back on your own? I can call you an Uber if you like. I’ll even go with you on the way back to…”

“No, it’s fine,” says Clarke, shaking her head conclusively. “There’s a car waiting a couple of blocks away to take me back to the White House.”

“Good,” nods Lexa. Her gaze drops to Clarke’s lips, like she’s about to lean in for another kiss, but then she looks away, getting to her feet and saying, “Can I walk you to your car?”

Clarke masks her disappointment with a smile, standing up and picking up her jacket from where it hangs over the back of her chair. Clarke slips her arms into the sleeves, knocks back the rest of her drink in a single gulp, then nods to let Lexa know that she’s ready to leave.

The walk to the car is a silent one. Clarke wants to reach for Lexa’s hand, or to loop her arm through Lexa’s, perhaps under the guise of being a little unsteady on heels after a few drinks, but she chickens out at the last minute and they end up walking side by side without saying a word until they reach the vehicle.

“Well, here we are,” says Clarke, filling the awkward silence with unnecessary words.

Full of chivalry, Lexa reaches for the back door and opens it up, holding it open like a chauffeur so that Clarke can get into the back seat. Right when Clarke thinks that Lexa is going to close the car door and leave without saying even goodbye, never to see each other again, Lexa speaks up.

“Can we swap numbers?” she asks Clarke, taking her own phone out of the pocket of her jeans and tapping on the screen a couple of times, before holding it out to Clarke with a new contact open, ready for Clarke to input her details. “If you’re ever in London, I’d love to show you around.”

“Sure,” nods Clarke, accepting the phone and typing her number. “And if you’re ever back here…”

“I’ll give you a call,” promises Lexa.

Clarke can’t help but wonder how much truth there is to that promise, whether she will ever visit London or if Lexa will ever return to D.C., how quickly Lexa will forget about the few hours spent in Clarke’s company that will probably become an inconsequential dot in a life that is a constant whirlwind of adventure.

Lexa takes her phone back from Clarke and presses the green call button, and Clarke’s own phone starts to ring in her pocket, giving her Lexa’s number to add to her contacts later.

“I guess this is goodbye,” says Lexa, as she tucks her phone back into her pocket and takes a step back, her hand still resting on the open car door. “It was a pleasure to meet you.”

It’s all a little too formal, like they didn’t spend the night flirting and then end up kissing. It’s like a business transaction, not a goodbye to a person whose tongue was in Clarke’s mouth not even ten minutes ago.

But that’s how it ends, Clarke’s brief encounter with a gorgeous British spy. The car door slams shut and the engine rumbles to life as the driver pulls away from the side of the road. Clarke lets her head drop against the window, trying her best to ignore the fact that Raven is somewhere in the city getting it on with a hot woman of her own, while she has been sent home without so much as a parting kiss.

It’s going to be a long and lonely night.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

HERE'S WHAT I JUST REALIZED ABOUT PROFITS

And yet because of the slow sales cycle. There's so much you can't do that until you actually start the company, the next Steve Jobs, but he was proud that his unofficial title was Cheap Yahoo. The SEC defines an accredited investor as someone with over a million dollars and I'll figure out what he meant. The politicians all saying the same thing. Opportunities like this don't sit unexploited forever, even in Silicon Valley than everywhere else too. Com. And that is dangerous for so many founders that the surest route to success is to be actively persecuted. You may wonder how much of a problem. This is just a matter of pride, and a server collocated at an ISP. Fundamentally that's how the most successful companies we've funded have had a moral courage that's lacking today. But should you start a startup by just writing code.

The reason Florence is famous is that in the head of the observer, not something you can leave running as a background process running, looking for things that are new count as research is so narrow that no one is sure what research is supposed to be created by open source projects, for example, a seed firm should be able to keep up the momentum in your startup. East Coast after Yahoo. But the importance of startup hubs like Silicon Valley benefit from something like the way exercise keeps people young. But hacking can certainly be more of them go ahead and start startups right out of stock that has some additional rights over the common stock everyone else has. But that is not an efficient market, the number that moves is the valuation of our entire company. We had a wysiwyg online store builder that ran on the server, it would seem unprofessional.1 2 fundraising is to get lots of referrals. No matter how much money Yahoo would make from each link.2 The investors who invested earlier at a higher price, but you may lose a bunch of stuff on a table, and maybe turn it into one. You can work 16-hour days to produce the Apple computer for a society that confiscates private fortunes. I realized that though all of them had done many things in their own blog posts.

Is it a problem if customers feel pinched: you may even be the majority. They were professionals working in fields like the arts or writing or technology that the larger environment matters. I am always looking. Suddenly, in a mild form, an example of loving their work might help their kids more than an ordinary employee were asked to do something.3 They send spam because it works. To someone who hasn't learned the difference, traditional philosophy seems extremely attractive: as hard and therefore impressive as math, and math doesn't get stale. It's a smart move. Because people in the world for the better. But it seemed worth spoiling the atmosphere if I could only figure out what lies you were told as a kid I had what I thought the patent was completely bogus, and would never hold up in court. This is the counterexample to the design principle I just mentioned. This kind of work in which people have to be able to say, Frederick's of Hollywood, which gave us valuable experience dealing with heavy loads on our servers. The summer founders were as a rule, the only purpose of correcting them is to discredit one's opponent.4

That is so much better than the others'. Buildings If you go to the public markets. What have other people learned about design? As a Lisp hacker. Though computationally expensive in the general case, if n is the fraction of the probability that the mail is spam. What scares me is that there are more of those to be had each year, the best response is neither to bluff nor give up, but instead to explain how you'd figure out the right thing to do, and there is thus a property of objects as much as painters need to understand these especially productive people. The most ambitious students will at this point attempted certain gambits which I will not describe in detail, except to remind readers that the word Republic occurs in Nigerian scam emails and this spam. You may be thinking, why deal with investors at all?

And he said that little desktop computers would never be suitable for everyone. And since individual performance is so hard to make their own. That's an interesting idea.5 That depends on how well they do are not orthogonal.6 And that is more likely to happen in the Bay Area it's the Band of Angels.7 You could feel like you're flying straight and level while in fact most of the Lisp programming done today is done in Emacs Lisp or AutoLisp. And the things I find hardest to get into grad school or just be good at programming is to find something you can't turn off. By the time you get throngs of geeks. I'm British by birth. Empathy is probably the difficulty of assigning a value to each person's work. Because they can't predict the winners in advance?

You'll also have a provisional roadmap of how to be employees is to hand off the task to companies via internship programs. The ideas that come to them for funding. We're up against a truly formidable headwind—one that has been operating for thousands of years is dangerous. Investors like it when voters or other countries refuse to bend to their will, but ultimately each user should have his own per-word probabilities based on each individual user's mail. Electricity seemed an airy intangible. But Lisp macros are unique. Merchants bid a percentage of their profits? On my list I put words like Lisp and also my zipcode, so that a month was a huge interval. Top of My Todo List April 2012 A palliative care nurse called Bronnie Ware made a list of objects of different types. Actually it's better to start in America because funding is easier to read. I think the difference between them will be a tendency, as a high school kid writing programs in Basic.

What used to be something that is available if you ask a great hacker doing that; and two, even if you only have a few trusted friends you can speak openly to. Recently I've spent some time trying to push your price down. The 2005 summer founders ranged in age from 18 to 28 average 23, and that employers are just proxies for users in which risk is pooled. It sounds crazy, but there's a continuum here. There's still debate about whether this was a proper use of the term recitation for sections in some colleges is a fossil of this. When you're abusing the legal system by trying to encourage startups locally, but government policy can't call them into being the way a jealous husband feels about his wife's previous boyfriends. I've been telling founders that the company was really successful. After a few seconds it struck me how familiar they seemed.8 What's really uncool is to be undisciplined. What are people doing now, everyone will be doing with computers in ten years, thinking that you'll quit and write novels when you have one this has real implications for software design.

Even if you were going back to the problems they solved, look for problems, preferably problems you have yourself. You should respond in kind when investors behave upstandingly too. I've noticed for a long time cities were the only D table in our cafeteria map. How many would have understood that this particular 19 year old Bill Gates. Startups prosper in some places.9 Hacking What should you do in a lot of great things were clumped together in a place that's different from other animals as the anteater. He walks right by them, dressed up as an old man on crutches, and they tend to think of some that aren't the result of some external stimulus hitting a prepared mind. Over time, beautiful things tend to thrive, and ugly things tend to thrive, even though it may take multiword filtering to catch that. Civil War was about slavery; people would be intolerable. Y Combinator is that founders are willing to compromise.

Notes

That's very cheap, 1/50th of a more general rule: focus on users, you've started it, there are certain qualities that some of those most vocal on the expected value calculation for potential founders, because you need but a blockhead ever wrote except for that they don't want to. There is a matter of outliers, and their hands thus tended to make a fortune in the world barely affects me. I.

On Bullshit, Princeton University Press, 1996. Robert Morris wrote the first version was mostly Lisp, you don't need.

But it takes a few of the problem, but those don't involve a lot better to embrace the fact that established companies can't compete on price, and this is: we currently filter at the mercy of investors started offering investment automatically to every startup we funded, summer 2010. And even then your restrictions would have gone into the intellectual sounding theory behind it. E-Mail. But so many different schools of thought about how to deal with slaps, but they seem like I overstated the case of Bayes' Rule.

A round. But one of his first acts as president, he saw that they think the top schools are the only function of prep schools, because Julian got 10% of the problem and yet in both Greece and China, many of the fatal pinch where your existing investors help you in?

No VC will admit they're influenced by buzz. Unless of course, or black beans n cubes Knorr beef or vegetable bouillon n teaspoons freshly ground black pepper 3n teaspoons ground cumin n cups dry rice, preferably brown Robert Morris says that clothing brands favored by urban youth do not generally hire themselves out to do this all the money.

Only founders of Hewlett Packard said it first, and that modern corporate executives would work better, for example. And while they tried to lowball them. How can people who lost were us. If you're dealing with the other hand, he tried to preserve their wealth by forbidding the export of gold or silver.

On the other people who should quit their day job writing software goes up more than 20 years, maybe they'll listen to them rather than trying to upgrade an existing investor, and there didn't seem to them till they also influence one another both directly and indirectly. He did eventually graduate at about 26. They each constrain the other meanings are fairly closely related. Except text editors and compilers.

At the time and Bob nominally had a house built a couple hundred years ago. S P 500 CEOs in the former, because talks are made of spolia. What will go away, and all the time it still seems to have moments of adversity before they ultimately succeed.

Stone, op. Actually he's no better or worse than he was before, but that it's a departure from the Dutch not to quit their day job. So if you're a big effect on college admissions there would be to write your dissertation in the fall of 2008 but no doubt often are, but more often than not what it would have been about 2,000. She was always good at acting that way.

[alternative-illustrations]

Ian Cherry Response and Mini Brief:

I was very intrigued by the incite Ian Cherry gave in his verbal presentation, it was really interesting to see what goes on in the background of such a well known club like Derby City Football Club. It opened my eyes of how illustrators or creative individuals are behind things you wouldn't ever expect, and that there is jobs for creatives in all fields and different lines of work. I haven't really considered how for every advert there would be a team of designers to execute that advert behind the scenes, so overall extremely interesting to see a successful artists explain about their experiences. What i found also curious was that Ian Cherry didn't expect to go to go into what he did, and he adapted to the jobs that came his way which was inspiring. 

Mini Brief:

This was certainly challenging for me as i have never really tried typography so i started off with a simple concept and went from there. My club is fake, however i wanted to create a club that relates to my interests and create a club i would want to join. I’m specifically interested here in alternative music and their influences in the early 2000′s. I mostly took inspiration from ‘emo’, which in attempt to describe this subculture its short for emotional music and like most music subcultures, fashion can play a part in it so i wanted to explore into it and that is what i attempted to do in my mood board. I explored album covers and colours typically associated with the vibe i wanted to go for, which i found to be mostly bright neon colours and black. I then took that inspiration and was heavily influenced by album cover typography and started roughly sketching, i also took type from the internet to also help me out when making my sketches. From there i picked just a few i liked the most and worked from that, i was mindful that badges are not big so simple designs are best and i wanted to make sure things were not too chaotic. In the end i reached a design i was happy with

Feedback:

In response to my feedback:

Depth of reflection: I believe that when looking through my blog more thoroughly you will begin to see how i have mentioned a few artistic inspirations within my blogs and i can definitely include more.

Reaching out:

In terms of contacting organizations i contacted my local LGBT+ center as they were looking for artists for someone to help brighten up their new building with some art.  This module and listening to the group speakers gave me the confidence to finally reach out for this opportunity that i otherwise wouldn't have taken.

During the whole process it taught me a lot of new skills that i wouldn't been able to access before, and through various back-and-forth emails, phone calls and visits, i got the position! Now it was time to actually make the art which i completed alongside all of my modules, and learned how to use Photoshop efficiently in order to buy supplies for this project. I also had to effectively communicate professionally and set up my socials so that everything flowed smoothly.  

...

Range of references: Now when looking up fashion subculture clubs online, you wont see much however i have just the thing that could combat this. I have a book entitled ‘Goth Culture - gender, sexuality, and style’, and even though the book itself is a little outdated as it was a study looking at goth culture in the late 90s/ early 2000s, in the UK, Us and Germany. In the book it lists various clubs and pubs that were considered safe spaces during that time period. One of the longest running goth festivals in the world (that's still around today!) is the Whitby Goth Weekend, which similar to a club, you get to meetup with like minded individuals. The book lists off clubs such as ‘Lowlife’ and ‘Nightshade’ (i cant find much information about these two, and it seems they are not around anymore) in Brighton, and also the ‘Hobgoblin’ is the longest surviving goth pub in London. I have found that goth clubs now are very few and far between, and many of the other pubs and clubs mentioned have since gone out of business. This is why i chose to do an alternative club for this mini brief, they are so very few and far between now-a-days and only accessible to people who live in big cities.

[theletterkite-blog]

(he may have been the first one to die, but I’m the one who paid for it. I’m the one who paid for it)

Here it is for you. For those of you who have been asking and even for those of you who haven’t. What am I doing? What happens next?

Let me bring you up to speed.

This summer I wrote and completed my thesis for my degree. I wrote on leadership at arts and cultural organizations undergoing substantial change.

It was completed in August. My marks came back in October. It passed with Distinction.

I am very proud of it, and as such, will be revising the work for publication. (That in itself is a long road and a different story for another time.)

And to answer a popular question: no, you may not read it right now.

At the time I was finishing said thesis, I had the pleasure of working for the Edinburgh International Festival as they put up their landmark 70th season this August. It was quite a new experience working on the press team and working through a festival that was spread out across the city and compacted into four weeks, as opposed to ten.

That opportunity there was worth the investment of coming to undertake this degree. I can hear some of you now raising an eyebrow about the value of work experience versus academic institutions, and I’ll tell you that by a long series of complicated and convoluted UK working laws, that experience would not have been possible without undertaking the degree.

Since that time I have been working at various locations that don’t need going into, as I have hunted for a more permanent position here. To be clear, I have been hunting for such position since April of this year and one can surmise that rejection after rejection might make a person feel rather defeated. And given this, it took me quite a long time to realize that I was not the problem. It took the Director of Development at a Scottish National Performing Company telling me that I had a strong application and did several things that the application required that no other candidate had done to realize that though I was young, fresh out of school (again) and seemingly too eager, I was playing in the same league as other Edinburgh arts managers. The problem, as people have been telling me, and as I have now realized, is not me. The problem is the system.

You would not enjoy me going into the details of what it would take for me to secure a full-time, permanent job in the arts and cultural sector here. Feel free to research it on your own, but essentially it comes down to UK Immigration Rules Appendix J: codes of practice for skilled work, which is a document that limits the categories of jobs eligible for sponsorship under a Tier 2 working visa. There are other requirements of the sponsoring organization, such as who can be hired from outside the UK or European Union without having to undergo the Residency Labour Market Test. Essentially, there are about four large, immovable factors that bar me from being employed here long-term. And due to this, I am returning to the United States.

[Those of you who do NOT want to hear me pontificate on this matter, this is really all you need to know. See you soon.]

This has been hard for me to stomach, especially while watching the successes of my friends. Any of my pals from mainland (or island nations) Europe that are from countries with in the EEA who are reading this, you’re about to be mildly offended. You don’t know how easy you have it. You can move and work freely within the EEA without trouble. There’s potential to even be employed in two or more EU nations at once. Unless an organization wants to go through the time, money and paperwork of making a case to the Home Office for me to remain here in the UK, I cannot get a job. I don’t have the luxury of a fancy legal loophole by which I can trace my ancestry back through to Europe and thereby apply through said European country’s US embassy for citizenship: all of my ancestors who might serve as proof of such are dead. No tricks, no workarounds for me. You can see why the complaints of Europeans not being able to find a job in Edinburgh’s oversaturated arts market fall on deaf ears with me. You can work abroad so easily, experience different languages and cultures with so much more acceptance. I know many of you want to stay in Edinburgh but YOU CAN GO WHEREVER IN EUROPE YOU WANT.

Some of you might make (and have made) the argument that I am able to work wherever in the US that I want (true), and that each state is like its own tiny little nation (not exactly), and isn’t that the same thing? No. That’s like saying the cultures of Kentucky and Montana are as different as those of Ireland and Greece. I think you’ll find that if you went there, Kentucky and Montana are actually quite similar in a lot of ways and then go ahead and tell an Irishman he’s basically the same as a Grecian. See what happens. However, without the lived experience of working in the US, I suppose you’ll never really understand, no matter how plain I make my explanations. You’ve never been refused letting of a flat in the UK based on your nationality because your status as an EEA citizen supersedes it. It makes your application, from one important angle, irrefutable (Well, at least for now.)

So yes, we’ve all had it bad. We’re a crew of smart people who have been shot into a market already teeming with talent in our field and because we are millennials living in an age still controlled by Baby Boomers, they expect us to rise to the top as they did when they “were your age.” As they did when $6 an hour working in a mailroom but them through college. Today, to put oneself through college at any reasonably-priced university (because hey Europeans!, I could never go to uni for free!) we would need to be making $18 an hour. Too bad the Federal minimum wage in American is only $7.25. But the fact of the matter is, that I have to return home because the UK will not move mountains to employ me, and strangely, I believe that is because it simply does not want to.

This, I find absurd. Long have we Americans hailed Great Britain for its utopia-like public funding for the arts, purely because their government has chosen to make arts and culture a policy priority longer than the US has. (And the Prime Minister, unlike the current US President, has not tried to entirely defund the National Endowment for the Arts in a political budget move...) American arts managers have had to contend with steadily diminishing budgets for years, and that mentality has now more visibly crept into the UK as well, with the rise of far-right values that hearken back to a darker age of Westernized war. “Devastating” arts cuts in the UK may be coming this January, as the public and the policymakers begin to question whether continued publicly funding for the arts is worth it. To combat this potentiality, I have watched as organizations here have scraped their budgets for salary money to hire fundraising managers to pilot, embolden, or overhaul individual giving programs. One would think that these organizations who haven’t had to grapple with the task of asking audiences for additional funds on top of what they pay in taxes, would be most interested to take on someone who has experience in working at organizations who have had to stake their livelihood on these exact kinds of donations. Just the other day I was told “Try and get some experience in fundraising, the UK is looking for fundraising people right now with all these cuts.” This individual, clearly unfamiliar with my background (I may not be the Region’s Best Individual Fundraiser but I’m not stupid) completely underscores my point. With such a demand for individuals with these skills, why on earth would they evict someone with these skills, when that person could be of great assistance?

Because of UK Immigration Rules Appendix J: codes of practice for skilled work. That’s why. If you’re not British, not working in hard science, and don’t have a PhD, you’re nothing. There, I just saved you having to read all 26 pages of the document.

It’s lunacy. Here I am, a smart, capable person, now defeated by a webpage that says “you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.” What to do as a monolingual in modern Europe? Little. You try getting an EU Blue Card (yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like.) That prospect is tragically unlikely. So back I go, to a political nightmare in which fetuses are due to be classified as individuals for TAX REASONS upon passage of the #goptaxscam, 13 million Americans will lose health care coverage with the rescinding of the PPACA individual mandate, and the Federal Communication Commission is so interested in providing flawless internet services to only the wealthiest that without a job, and without a reasonable income, I may never be able to afford to update this blog again.

So here we are, right at the end. That’s the story, that’s the update. And it makes me mad. I undertake one of the best experiences of my life, and as a result, find that upon reentering society from the haven of academia that society wants to remind me:

YOU’RE NOTHING

YOU’RE NOTHING

YOU’RE NOTHING

The older and wiser of you reading this are likely thinking “That’s what we call life/it’s not always easy/you just have to figure it out/take your lumps/can’t expect to have everything handed to you.” You probably think I sound like a self-entitled millennial. But I didn’t come here to please you. I came here to put down my thoughts, to take one last wallow. To metaphorically prepare for battle through extended complaint.

I didn’t write this for your pity. I didn’t write this for your comments. I wrote this to explain to everyone why when I say I’m leaving I don’t want to see you pull a sad face and say “Don’t go!” “Don’t go” is not an option anymore. I have to, and you know that. It’s a first world problem for sure, being able to hop right back home to a welcoming family in what seems to be one of the only states who actually knows what they’re doing: don’t think I can’t see my privilege (white, and otherwise) in all of this. But this is not a joyous homecoming. This is a return marked by having been defeated by a sector that has been influenced by a government that hate and fear have crept into. America is the cause. And while others my run from it to the other side of the ocean with their bought passports or observe from far away, fortunately-fated with a heritage they didn’t get to select, I will be flying into the thick of it. Biding my time. Preparing my next move. I will celebrate the turn of the new year and cope with the coming age. And when the UK’s arts cuts come and Edinburgh finds itself in need of someone like me, I might pause to glance at the news. Until then, I’ll leave this place that opened me to academia and then turned around and told me I was nothing and return to the fray. (How’s that for a “Welcome to hell?”)

It’s been something, Edinburgh. Thank you, David. See y’all on the other side.

[kyuiuiuiu]

The Second Sun

I want to thank to every person that’s reading my fanfic. ; ^ ; ♡   

I don’t know too much about tumblr, since I don’t use it very often... so, I can’t respond to every comment you give about the history :( But you need to know that I’m REALLY happy reading all your comments, tags, seeing the likes in the different post of the fanfic (and fanarts too!). 

Yooran is my OTP, and I’m very happy to give these little things to the fandom ♡ ♡ 

And again, thank you so much! ♡ ♡ ♡

And now... I’m still working on the fanart, so here’s the chapter 4! 

Chapter list:

Chapter 1 - The Distrust.

Chapter 2 - The Reflection.

Chapter 3 - The Fear.

Chapter 4 - The Lie.

Some time passed and the boys spoke more naturally than before. Yoosung could pull off any subject without feeling so nervous, and Saeran would sometimes look at his eyes as they spoke. This was the only thing that could make him nervous, since the first time he saw directly into his eyes he could feel the intensity of his gaze. A gaze that tried to hide many things, but at the same time it showed the anger that he felt against the world. However, that fear was obscured by the happiness he felt at the thought that they had finally been able to get to that point where they spoke as they looked into each other's eyes. This proved that, after many months, Saeran finally trusted him. He felt that all the way there was worth it, because he was already becoming part of his family, even if it was onesided. Also, it was most likely that when the turn of the other RFA members came, they would require his help.

To tell the truth, Yoosung had no problem helping them —even knowing that it was a difficult job—, but he didn’t understand why they didn’t want to insist on approaching. He supposed it was because they had busy lives with their jobs and all that... Instead, he was an ordinary person. He always felt that way.

The conversations with Saeran had become more interesting since he began to respond with short but concise sentences. When he answered only with a word or two Yoosung found it hard to keep talking, since he didn’t know if Saeran was angry or not. Now it was different.

Everything was going great.

Saeran felt that he had finally managed to establish a bond —in addition to his brother—, no matter how small it was. Although in the background, I knew it wasn’t a small bond. The idea of it began to spin in his head since Yoosung returned after several weeks without visiting him for his exams. He had become an important part of his everyday life, even if he tried to deny it. He had already analyzed the pattern of his visits, and from time to time he could hear his brother talk on the phone with the blonde arranging them.

Unintentionally, he had begun to feel things he had never felt before. He already knew excitement and anxiety, but this was a completely different feeling. The only problem was that he didn’t know how to define it, and that made him moody from time to time.

Like every week, Yoosung was once again visiting. He was talking about one of his teachers at the university whom they all esteemed for her advanced age. He said it was like having a grandmother there, since she cared a lot for some of her students. Sometimes she would scold him for being late or half asleep in class, since he knew his vice for some video game. Also, he told him that she was a person with a lot of experience in her field and that he aspired to know as much as her —and even more— someday.

It was in the midst of this conversation that Saeran realized that he had never wondered why Yoosung had chosen that career. He thought that this would be a good time. They were on the subject, after all.

Yoosung couldn’t help but feel nervous when Saeran became interested in his reasons for studying veterinary medicine. He just wasn’t expecting it. He hesitated a little, but finally managed to clear his throat and began to explain.

Saeran was interested to know, indeed he was, but after hearing the name Rika so often in the story — even if he asked for it— he felt a little dejected. Then he remembered what Saeyoung had said about Yoosung's adoration for his cousin. That he saw her as a role model, that she was someone important to him and others. Saeran had already realized this on his own during the many months he had been hearing what he had to say, but he never imagined that Yoosung’s admiration for her was... so great. Besides, it made him uncomfortable to hear about her after all the damage she did to him and his brother.

For the first time, he decided to stop listening to what Yoosung was telling him. He didn’t want to know about Rika... but then, another name caught his attention in the middle of the story.

Yoosung had started talking about V.

“... I used to be very bad with V, really. I rejected him, blamed him for anything bad that happened, even for Rika's issue! I always knew they were hiding something from me, and it turned out to be true... When I heard the truth I felt furious, but it comforted me a little to know that the others didn’t know anything about it either. I didn’t feel so alone... Although the most shocking thing was when they told me that with everything that happened V ended up committing suicide —“Su... Suicide?” Saeran thought as he heard that—. I felt horrible... I judged him a lot without knowing all the details. I never imagined that the weight he carried was so big that it reached that point. I felt like a horrible person, really —he sighed—. The worst thing is that I could only apologize to him when he was already dead...”

When he finished saying this, his voice cracked a little. He lowered his head, trying to conceal his guilty shame, while Saeran continued to stare at him in confusion.

“Did V commit suicide?” He asked once the blond boy calmed down.

“You did not know?! —He exclaimed surprised. Saeran gestured at Yoosung not to be so scandalous, as he knew there was something strange there, and much to his dismay, his brother must be involved. He couldn’t let Saeyoung know before he decided to ask him directly—. Agh... I ruined it all again, right? I'm sure Saeyoung told me not to tell you about V or Rika, because it's a delicate subject for you... God, how stupid! How could I forget something like that?”

Saeran sighed.

"Calm down, it’s okay. I just didn't know that," he said, trying to calm him down.

Yoosung gave him a slight smile, accompanied by a look of gratitude.

“I guess they didn’t want to tell you anything about... You know... Before, you were not you okay? God, I keep saying trash. Just kill me,” he asked in embarrassment, covering his face with both hands. It was for this very reason that the expression of pain of the younger twin went unnoticed for him.

“Kill you...” he whispered to himself.

No, he didn’t want to remember, but now it was almost impossible. The rage was present in his being, but he did his best to keep it under control. He couldn’t afford such a reaction in front of Yoosung, especially since he didn’t know the truth.

He inhaled and exhaled slowly, until he calmed down. This wasn’t the time...

After Yoosung told him that V "had committed suicide", he went on with the main theme, which was the reason for his motivation to study that career. Of course, Rika's name had its appearance there, but less often, since the boy had remembered Saeyoung's warnings.

They stopped talking, and after checking the hour, Yoousung decided that it was better to go home or it would be too late. Besides, the weather was changing and the afternoons were getting colder.

Saeran waited for Yoosung to leave, and as soon as he heard the door close, it was like a switch clicked on his head. He went from being calm to furious in just a couple of seconds, and with this anger he went to his brother's room, who was at his computer doing some errands.

He opened the door and rushed in, pushing his brother from the chair and throwing him to the floor.

“Saeran...?” He asked in a whisper.

“How the fuck can you keep on lying?! You really cannot live without lying to anyone?! —he started yelling at him— You cannot even tell the truth to your best friend?! A good person!! A good one, for fuck’s sake!!

With each scream his voice torn a little more, and thanks to his last words, Saeyoung could understand what his brother meant. Unfortunately, he continued to shout his guilt.

“Did you tell him that V committed suicide?! What kind of shit is that?! Saeyoung, I killed him!!”

“Ah… that,” He murmured, with a dark gaze.

Saeran stepped back and leaned against the wall, catching his breath. His throat ached for screaming. He hadn’t done it for a long time, less for something that bothered him at that level. It was a matter of seconds for his head to start to hurt too.

“That boy approached me without knowing the truth —He began to say—. He has no idea what happened, he doesn’t know what I did, and you... You allowed him to continue to come in spite of it… Aren’t you ashamed? Have you thought about what will happen when he finds out the truth?”

“That's not supposed to happen.”

“It will happen,” he sighed.

Saeyoung looked at him in the eyes, frightened.

“Saeran, don’t even think about it...”

The younger twin giggled nervously at that. He bit his lip, holding back the cry that threatened to burst out.

“Do you think I could do that? I...”

“Saeran…” he murmured.

“I'm terrified, Saeyoung.”

It was one of the few times he accepted to be afraid in front of his brother after their reunion. He hated feeling that way; Weak, and consequently, it made him remember all that his weakness had brought him for so many years.

His brother didn’t want to add anything else, because he knew he could make things worse. Besides, it was unlikely that Saeran would calmly listen to him, much less after learning that the only person he had considered good since his return could be nothing more than a mere fantasy. Because yes, he felt that way. Yoosung had approached him believing that he had been a victim in all this, and he was, but this happened only thanks to his lack of will and bravery. He had killed a man, and not just any man... Yoosung didn’t know that.

With those dark thoughts in his mind, Saeran decided to return to his room in silence. Once there, he closed the door and threw himself face down on his bed, squeezing the pillow tightly.

He wanted to keep yelling, but it wasn’t convenient. His throat was already aching and his head was even worse. He couldn’t help thinking that Yoosung had approached him only because he didn’t know the truth. He was quite sure that if he found out the truth...

“No… No!” He shouted anyway, stifling the noise on the pillow.

He had only one choice left, a very selfish one, and that was to keep Yoosung away while hiding the truth. He was going to hide what had really happened until Yoosung was far enough away from him. This way, it wouldn’t hurt when he left him forever.

It was the only method he could think of for the moment, so with much anguish he promised himself to be more hostile with whom had a radiant smile whenever he came to visit.

Next Chapter »

[ellenlucasonlinedatingblog]

How Do You “Come Out” as a Sex Therapist, Educator, or Researcher?

Whenever someone asks what I do for a living, I have a decision to make: do I “out” myself as a sex scientist, or do I give a generic answer that doesn’t emphasize the fact that I study sex for a living? For example, I could simply say that I’m a social psychologist or an author and leave it at that. This choice is something that all sex educators, researchers, and therapists face. Each of us has to figure out on our own what we want to reveal about our jobs to different audiences. However, there’s one audience that’s often especially tricky to navigate: our families.  

Based on conversations I’ve had with several of my friends and colleagues, some people in my field struggle with how to have conversations about their work with their family, especially those of us who come from politically or religiously conservative backgrounds. So how can you better navigate these situations? I asked some of my colleagues for their thoughts on this in a recent social media post—what have their experiences been like, and what advice would they like to share? Here’s what they told me.

Let me begin by saying that I noticed a wide spectrum in terms of how people’s parents reacted to learning that one of their kids was working in this field. Reactions ranged from shock and embarrassment to indifference to enthusiastic support. The fact that parents’ reactions are so highly variable is likely a big part of the reason people who work in this field are sometimes hesitant to come out to their families—you don’t necessarily know which response you’re going to get. 

Something else I noticed is that people often encountered stereotypes when they identified themselves as sex educators/researchers/therapists. For example, one sex therapist told me that upon telling a parent what she does for a living, the reaction she got was “Were you always obsessed with sex and we just didn’t know it?” Another mentioned that her parents were under the impression that all sex therapists sleep with their clients.  

Clearly, some folks believe that people who get into this field are inherently sex crazed (which, by the way, we aren’t—at least not any more than people in other fields. See here for some research refuting this stereotype). Some people also have some very, very wrong ideas about what it is that we actually do (we don’t sleep with our clients or research participants). So be prepared to run into stereotypes, and think about having a polite response on hand to correct them (e.g., “It’s not only unethical for sex therapists to sleep with their clients, but it’s forbidden by professional and state licensing boards. We help people confront and work through sex and relationship problems by talking about them.”). 

As for starting the conversation, there isn’t one “right” or “correct” way to do this—different people find that different strategies work. So here are a few to consider: 

· Dr. Shayna Sparling, a sex researcher, said that she “eased” her family members into it. “I started out telling them I study health decision making,” she said. “Then, a few years later told them that I research HIV and STI prevention. Then they started following me on Instagram, so now they know everything I do.” Shayna’s strategy is one that several of the folks I talked to mentioned, including therapist Heather McPherson, who said, “my advice is to take it slow. We have been considering and thinking about this for a while and this is the first time they are hearing about it. That can be a little shocking if you bombard them with all the sexy details.” | took the gradual approach as well—but it was easy for me because it mirrored my career path. I went to graduate school initially to study the psychology of romantic relationships. Then I started studying sex within relationships and why that’s important to the overall happiness and health of the partners. It wasn’t until much later that I started studying things like fantasies and threesomes. Because it was such a gradual evolution, it gave me a chance to ease my family into my work by keeping them in the loop about what I was doing at each step along the way.

· Sunny Megatron, a sex educator, said that she often emphasizes the importance of healthy relationships and finding happiness, as opposed to getting into nitty gritty detail about specific sexual practices. She said another approach she sometimes takes is to say that “people have shame and secrets about three major subjects: sex, death, and money. It's healthier if we learn to address these things head-on, and I help facilitate one-third of that. If they’re squeamish about sex, oftentimes they can relate instead to the taboo nature of money or death.”

· Dr. Jim Pfaus, a sex scientist, told me how he tried to make the case for why his work is important to his mother, who was a little embarrassed at first when she learned about his job. “I brought a video home one X-mas break and showed her how rats do it and especially how it is in the complete control of the female. She was in a state of wonder,” he said. “And I explained how dopamine and opioid systems in the brain helped to regulate desire and pleasure, and how drugs or experiences that get in the way of the action of those systems could cause sexual problems. I think for the first time she truly began to understand the importance of what I was doing.” Jim said she later showed the video to some of her friends at a party, so it seems to have worked!

I should also mention that a few of my colleagues said that focusing on the technical details of research and data analysis helped them to “come out” because it made sex research sound rather, well, unsexy. Again, this gets back to refuting the stereotypes people have about us. For example, I think people sometimes assume that I just sit around and watch porn all day, but the reality is that, most days, I’m sitting at my desk with a statistical program open crunching numbers and writing in a Word document. It’s really not so sexy when you describe what a typical day is like for you, especially when it’s more about statistics and numbers than anything. 

Ultimately, you need to figure out what approach or strategy is right for you, but hopefully this gives you some ideas to consider. If you have other advice to offer or experiences to share, use the comments section below to weigh in.

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology ? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Source: 123RF/Aleksandr Davydov 

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[lefthanded-sans]

I was wondering.... what are your headcanons for the ages of Sans, Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys, Asgore, Toriel, Frisk, Chara, Asriel and MTT?

Ooh, this is a very fun topic! In one of my fanfictions that I still haven’t posted online, I tried to do some timeline reconstruction and came up with dates. Not all the dates were 100% what I feel like would happen in Undertale (certain plot events needed to happen at certain times, so I aged Alphys up to 32), so I’ll tweak them for the purpose of being close to what I feel might decently align with UT canon:

1981 Sans born1986 Alphys born (a little early, but that was to fit with my fic’s events)1991 Undyne born1995 Papyrus born1998 Sans starts college2002 Sans starts PhD2007 Sans earns PhD2010 Gaster dies2012 Alphys “makes” Mettaton2013 Papyrus graduates high school2013 Alphys becomes Royal Scientist2015 Frisk arrives

By these dates, I have Sans at 34, Alphys at 29, Undyne at 24, and Papyrus at 19. Yes, thirteen and a half year age gap between Skelebros - will explain below. Not mentioned in your question, but if you’re curious, I had Gaster die at 54 in my fic.

Papyrus: 17-22 (broadly); prefer 19.5

I believe that Papyrus is a young adult, but only just a young adult. Papyrus has an energetic eagerness that belies youth, and arguably seems less knowledgeable about day-to-day living… but at the same time, he is old enough to be a candidate for the monarch position in the Neutral Ending.

Papyrus’ age is often talked about in reference to his online username, coolskeleton95, which as some have theorized gives his birthdate as 1995 (0r 2095, I suppose, if you hold to UT-in-the-future theories). Undertale was released in 2015, and although the game’s calendars refer to dates as 201X, the point still stands that 201X means that the game is supposed to hit at the present time as you are most likely playing the game. So that means somewhere around 2015 is a great date to “estimate” how old Papyrus is, in which case, he’s nineteen or twenty in the game. Arguably, you could drop his age even lower because Undertale was in development for several years, so technically Undertale could take place before 2015. That’s why I’m giving the broader “okay” range of 17-22. But I like nineteen and a half best.

It’s to note that Papyrus’ personality suggests that he is fairly youthful. It’s not just that he seems to be eager and, depending on your interpretation of his character, naive. His personality also seems to meld with the psychological profile of a teenager. Papyrus is psychologically struggling in the areas that lots of teenagers undergo: the desire to fit in, be popular, do what’s cool, be liked by everyone, and have enjoyable social interactions with others. From my experience (as someone who is 24), by the time an individual reaches their mid-20s, they don’t care that much about being “cool” or being loved by everyone in a popularity contest. I and most of my friends are pretty chill with just being ourselves even if that means not everyone likes us - who cares? So Papyrus’ social-oriented attitude (and simultaneous little personal knowledge of what it’s like to date) could also psychologically suggest a younger age.

The last thing that always screams “Papyrus is YOUNG” is the fact that he does not seem to be making money. He might not even have a paid job - his haphazard, poorly-constructed sentry station is at odds with the other sentry stations. Most of the sentry stations are standard, constructed the same way, as we would expect from the position. A sentry with a real job would be equipped with the materials they need to do a job, not be building their own station. They’re sentries, not construction workers. Undyne training Papyrus to fight but also giving him cooking lessons is also a means for which Undyne can give Papyrus an occupation… if he can learn to cook, she hopes, he can pursue a career there. This means that this guy probably does not have much occupational experience, and, again, might not even have an actual job.

The point about him not really having a job, or at least not much job experience, is solidified with the brothers’ housing situation. Papyrus and Sans live together, but Sans is the one who pays house rent. Usually in two-adult roommate situations, you split the bill 50/50. You are both adults, you’re both capable of taking care of yourselves, you’re both capable of working and making money, ergo, you should both be paying your fair share of the rent. But that’s not what is happening with Papyrus, suggesting that he is or until recently has been a dependent to Sans. And since it’s likely Papyrus and Sans have been living in the Snowdin residency for several years (no boxes, moved-in feel, etc.), Papyrus likely has been partially raised by older, adult Sans.

So… let’s get to Sans.

Sans: Mid-30s (ex: 34)

I love myself an older Sans, and I have my reasons for it, too. I prefer an age gap between the Skelebros of about 11-14 years. At least give it a decade. I know that many people place the brothers’ ages closer together, but I feel as though it makes more sense for Sans to be quite a bit older.

I believe there is evidence suggesting Sans has advanced scientific knowledge and training. In the Genocide Route when he talks about how “our reports showed a massive anomaly in the time-space continuum.” That’s pretty large vocabulary comfortably stated, demonstrating a familiarity with scientific research. This type of scientific research, in fact, involves something almost along the lines of the Many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics. After all, according to Undertale, we are given discussion about multiple timelines existing (see Alphys’ comment about studying how multiple timelines exist); in fact, that’s the very thing that the SAVE function does. It allows Frisk to hop between different timelines, where new timelines are created based upon Frisk’s choices. Studying massive anomalies in the time-space continuum is looking at, basically, quantum physics. Oh, and there’s a quantum physics book in the Skelebro’s household. Let’s not forget that.

So if Sans has expert knowledge of quantum physics - and I think there is decent evidence that can suggest he does (I’m not going through all of it now) - then he likely had to be formally educated on the topic. We know that the Underground has at least one graduate school because Temmie wants to go to graduate school. Calling Alphys and Gaster “doctors” suggests they have PhDs in some scientific field. For Sans to be working on a research project about massive anomalies in the time-space continuum, it seems he should probably have an advanced degree in it. Sans could have a PhD.

This already puts Sans above the young 20s range. Most people get their undergraduate in four years and their PhD in minimally five. Nine or more years of schooling means that, at youngest, Sans would be in his late twenties by the time he got his graduate degree in physics. But we also know that Sans had a past where he worked with some official team, moved to Snowdin, became a sentry, and earned an impressive amount of income somewhere along the timeline, so we have to put several years into that at least. By the time we get to all of Sans’ suggested life events, he’s easily fallen into his thirties. Probably mid-thirties.

This also helps make sense about Sans paying all the rent. He has, at least for part of their lives, seemed to be raising Papyrus, given as Papyrus is almost - when Frisk meets him - a dependent. We don’t know how long Sans and Papyrus have lived in Snowdin, but even if it’s been a decent several years, that’s enough age gap for an older brother with a past scientific background to be able to care for a baby brother growing into adulthood.

I am very hardcore on the idea of a large age gap between the Skelebros.

Undyne: 23/24

Undyne’s online username, strongfish91, has also been used as evidence for her age. Again going with my 2015 date, that puts Undyne in her mid-20s, which I do think is in the ballpark given her temperament. Although this would make her young for being the Captain of the Royal Guard, she’s still an old enough age to make responsible decisions… while also being young enough to be emotional and impulsive, as we see her so be. We know that Undyne met Asgore as a child… so this means that she could easily have a decade of fighting experience beneath her, enough for her to be talented enough… and to climb the ranks… to her current position.

Undyne and Papyrus being close ages also makes sense given how well they get along. Although Undyne is older than Papyrus - old enough to have job experience, skills, her own home, and perhaps a little more responsibility - they’re not so far apart in age that they can’t get along splendidly.

Last, Undyne in her mid-20s makes decent sense from a romantic standpoint. A bachelorette in her mid-20s being interested in a relationship is the ballpark age for a dater in our current society. The fact that she seems to be crushing on Alphys might be something typical of younger individuals - usually her actions I’d pin to a teenager in this area - but I suppose I still do know people in their twenties who get flighty and cumbersome with a crush. This is especially true of individuals who don’t have as much romantic experience in the past, and I think that, given how awkward Undyne is about her crush on Alphys, that she isn’t very romantically experienced. It’s feasible for Undyne to be in this age range and acting as she does to Alphys… or, at least, it’s not too completely odd to imagine.

Alphys: 28-30 (prefer 29)

She is Doctor Alphys, which again suggests a PhD. This implies to me that Alphys is older than Undyne… Alphys would need the years to get that PhD, after all. She’s also suggested to be older than the youthful Bratty and Catty, who call her a “big sister.” 

At the same time, we get a sense that Alphys is still young and relatively inexperienced in some areas. For instance, her research in the True Lab demonstrates scary scientific methodology breaches that I would hope a more secure and level-headed scientist wouldn’t ever commit. Asgore took a long time to pick a Royal Scientist replacement, suggesting that Alphys wasn’t a well-known… so she could be an up-and-coming scientist, placing her only a few years out from her PhD at most. Her interests and online rants about Mew Mew Kissy Cutie are also something that might put her into a somewhat younger level. 

So late twenties for me is that good, ballpark range. She’s old enough to have received her doctorate, but not so old that she’s confident in her scientific research as the Royal Scientist. She’s old enough to be Bratty and Catty’s “big sister,” but not so old to sound “out of place” in youthful online conversations and rants. And having Alphys be five years or so older than Undyne is not a bad age gap for the couple.

Asgore and Toriel: ????????

Boss Monsters can live a long time based upon how they age. Some people have tried analyzing the armor and architecture the monsters have in their underground which could pinpoint what time period they were first trapped underground. But even those sorts of estimates don’t let us know how old Asgore and Toriel were at that time; for all we know, these two could have been living centuries before the war against humans, too. There’s no way to tell how old they are, and I have no strong headcanon inclinations about their ages.

I don’t like to make them too old, though. Thousand-year-old Asgore feels slightly odd to me personally, even though I admit it’s a possibility.

Asriel/Chara/Frisk: 9-11

I don’t have much experience with children, but I do feel as though Asriel, Chara, and Frisk are all on the young side. They have to be pretty young to be as small as they are. They’re not full-grown. And sometimes they seem not to think things through like older individuals would. For instance, Frisk being willing to kill monsters also might suggest that the kid is too young to fully understand what is happening. All this makes me feel very strongly the kids cannot be teenagers. 

But, at the same time, these three children have to be old enough to understand some pretty dark concepts. Asriel and Chara choose to sacrifice themselves for the war cause - that’s something that a six-year-old isn’t going to plan and do. Frisk seems to be the same age as Asriel, and Frisk also shows some understanding of some adult things like flirting… so, again, not six.

A compromise between Frisk’s potential inability to feel full regret at killing monsters and Frisk being able to comprehend there is a war going on might place the kid somewhere between nine and eleven. We miiiiiiiight want to inch to eleven… Chara seemed to hate humanity, a bitterness that usually comes up when you’re slightly older (as versus when you’re younger, where you might be grumpy or sad or upset). And killing yourself for monsters also seems much more like a slightly older kid than a nine year old thing to do. So… while I personally would like Frisk to be eight, I think it’s more logical to say it’s around eleven for these children.

We can also try to do height analyses, but that gets sketchy fairly quickly. Undertale height calculations have a lot of variables and widely divergent estimates.

Mettaton: Mid-20s

We have no idea how long ghosts can live. Mettaton’s personality suggests an adult - he’s rather seductive, after all - and while becoming a robot might throw a huge wrench into usual psychology patterns, he acts as though he is in the prime of his life. Mettaton and Napstablook also both seem to act young, and act as though they are about the same age as one another. So, I would say this ghost-inhabiting-a-robot is fairly young.

As far as how long Mettaton’s soul has been with the robot… it has to be several years. Mettaton has not only established a fanbase, but also has a huge corporation with many products, too. Usually I want to headcanon two years as a robot, but given as there are so many Mettaton products out there - and even an entire resort - maybe that means we have to bump the age a little up. Say, five years. That might slightly clash with my Alphys age estimate though, if you think about timeline, but it’s not impossible. You can work the numbers and make it… well… work.