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#i shpuldnt cut for the attebtion but FUCK i wanna get a hug or see someone have a soft voice n soft eyes for me
sensitivegoblin
·
6 days
Text
Vent
Tw: sh, suivide
#i hate that my brain is broken and it makes me fight with my family....
#i.wish i could jjst shut my mouth like thsy qant me to.....
#it smells like human shit n piss in my room cus im too scared to ask my dad to change it :')✨️💕✌️
#i wanna cut so that i get release and attention but last time my dad didnt even notice and my sister didnt take it seriously :(
#i feel like cuttong is the only way to let out my Ick and show how not good im doing
#mental illnesses are invisible and so fucking crippling......
#my family thinks im lazy i just know they do
#im such a fuvking failure at 25 i should be taking care of my dad like he did to his..
#also my dad always says hes in catholic hell sooooo guess im not real then :')
#he spefically says he died as a kid and this is his hell.....🥹✌️💔
#i just....hate my life and already dont feel real
#he basically vents and says whatever without thinking about the impact on ME the adult child with autism.
#i think about my words affect on everybody all the time and it seems like barely anyone thinks the same
#....maybe i can s-xually -buse myself instead of cutting
#but cumming always brings a biiiiig wave of crying
#i shpuldnt cut for the attebtion but FUCK i wanna get a hug or see someone have a soft voice n soft eyes for me
#....all i do is annoy my dad
#i should just kill myself so i dont annoy him anymore
#but im too scared of failing
#also im scared of Hell
#i need a hug that doesnt start with me asking for a hug......
#if i didnt do anything affectionate for a whole day i would go without it
#i would trade every present in the world if my family could at least just UNDERSTAND my emotional brain
#instead i get “i just dont understand” over n over n over n over again.....
#im not trying to be an attention seeker when i say this: logically the only answer i can come up with is to k-ll myself.
#its like 2 + 2 = su!cide
#my family says that theyd kill themselves if i did....i dont believe that
#theyre less broken than me so they would heal and move on.
#for clarification
#the most violent thing km gonna do is c-t myself im NOT attempting tonight
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