#and went back to find which track it was
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Y'all hear it too, right? It happens twice, and it's just three notes.
"Some... where... oooo..."
#i have a vivid memory of listening to the ost the night before the premiere#and thinking 'oh that sounds like over the rainbow'#and then i heard it when the episode aired#and went back to find which track it was#and i couldn't find it!#i listened to the entire soundtrack and it wasn't there!#my posts#season 5
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I lost one of my chickens :( she was caught and carried away by a fox... I’ve been growing complacent about my chickens’ safety I think because we’ve only had one other attack before, a goshawk that swooped in abruptly (unsuccessfully), but no fox sightings nearby so I’ve been assuming Pandolf was a great deterrent. Which he is, just not foolproof. I’ve talked to some people in town about this and they were pretty philosophical about foxes stealing chickens, like “it’s the tribute we pay to woodland animals, it’s just a few hens here and there.” I don’t begrudge the fox for being a fox, if anything I have a renewed respect for foxes because everyone I talked to proceeded to give me their best / worst fox stories, and most of them involved foxes outsmarting humans (learning people’s habits / timetables, opening latches, faking a limp...) Still I feel terrible for my hen, she was only three. RIP Cordy :( You’ll be remembered fondly... (except by the cats.) I feel bad for the other hen too, who just lost her pal!
When I said that last thing, one of my neighbours jumped on the opportunity to try and convince me again to accept a rooster from him. He had a rooster baby boom last summer and I’ve been telling him for months that I don’t need a rooster, I don’t want to raise chickens I just want eggs, and his new argument was that a rooster would protect my hen (or if it comes to that, would heroically sacrifice himself rather than let the hen be eaten—I’m sceptical...) I asked around for a young hen but there aren’t any to be had in this season, so my remaining one is going to be alone until the spring, and my neighbour said she’d get stressed and male company is better than no company. (I wish I could ask my hen what she wants! Maybe she’s penning A Coop Of One’s Own as we speak.) I said the rooster was more likely to stress her out and harass her and he said nah they’re free ranging all day, it’ll be fine, and he’s young so your adult hen will boss him around. I was like, but then will he be any good at protecting her? etc. etc. and after a while I caved in.
When I told her about this on the phone my mum sighed “you’re terrible at saying no”—excuse me, I said no so many times and the guy just kept ploughing on until he could foist a rooster upon me. I’m good at saying no, other people are terrible at hearing it! I reassured her that I had only agreed to take the rooster for a short probationary period, and if he bothers my hen too much I’ll drive him back to his native farm. My mum was like “Drive him back? look I’m sorry I raised you as a city kid but there’s no need to waste gas on driving a rooster around, I’ll have no qualms about wringing his neck for dinner if he’s more trouble than he’s worth.” The rooster’s fate is not sealed though, if he is anywhere from vaguely useful to not actively problematic I’ll keep him, so we’ll see...!
#if i return him where he came from he'll end up eaten anyway#prove yourself rooster! escape your fate#to go back to the fox attack; my other chicken went to hide in the barn (which is always open and they were not far from it)#and i thought she'd been eaten too because i couldn't find her anywhere. until i heard her clucking to herself anxiously#i called her and she clucked louder in response but refused to come out of her hiding place#after 10min of playing marco polo with a chicken in the barn i finally found her huddled at the bottom of#the large basket i use to store kindling#and pandolf & i went to look for cordy although i didn't have any hope#and we ended up finding feathers quite far away in the woods#i was very impressed by pandolf's ability to follow the fox's smell ! i've been teaching him 'cherche' but he's not that good at tracking#or not motivated enough when it's just for fun#but since he failed in his duty to protect his flock i guess he was suddenly very determined to be#a good dog in some other way and he was sniffing the ground so seriously#sorry the post was already long and i'm writing another one in the tags!
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It’s not until she hears Sissel’s knees hit the floor that Efri is jolted back into her body.
She blinks, whipping her head around. Sissel is kneeling, bracing a palm on the ancient stone pavement, at the barrier – no, the barrier’s gone, it’s just Sissel on the floor. She lifts her head and meets Efri’s eyes; her hair is wispy and wild, the little plaits meant to keep it neat come loose and tumbling, her eyes wide. The barrier's gone, but still, her pale face is lit up blue.
“Are you okay?” she asks. She doesn’t speak loudly, but it echoes in the great stone chamber.
Nine, Efri doesn’t know.
She blinks again, looks down at her hands, clinging to the metal stick so fiercely that her joints ache. (Her own stick, her nice wooden one, is still on the floor somewhere, where it slipped out of her grasp when she hit the wall.) The lumpy heavy end of it, the clobbering end, is still resting on –
Not on. It’s in the thing’s head, fitted neatly in the opening of its dented helmet, the horns spiralling over the floor. There’s a tooth, perfectly preserved, by Efri’s foot.
One by one, she unwraps her gloved fingers from the handle of the metal stick, letting it drop to the floor with a clang so loud it makes her wince. Kazari is nosing at her side. (When did they let go of it? When did they get so close? She must have missed that. She feels out of the loop. Her heart is juddering like fish on a line, battering like some frightened trapped thing at her ribcage, and her breath is coming fast and heavy.) Absentmindedly bringing up a hand to press over her sore shoulder, she says, “’M fine. Not too – barely touched me.”
Kazari turns and spits on the floor. Efri blinks. She does it again, tongue lolling out of her mouth, face very disgruntled – and oh, Efri gets it. She does not glance down at the thing at her feet; she doesn’t need to, she knows what its arm looks like, chewed almost to pieces even through its banded armour. (If she hadn’t been so busy being scared of it, that sight might have made her a bit scared of Kazari. But not now, when they’re trying to hack and spit the taste of dead man arm out of their mouth.)
Efri unclips her canteen from her belt and holds it out. “Here,” she says. Her voice is rough. Her heart is racing too much to let constructing sentences be easy. “Not much, but –”
Kazari stands still while Efri tips half of the remaining water onto her tongue, and then Efri watches her swilling it around in her mouth, trying to bathe all of her teeth in it, before she spits it again on the floor at the dead thing’s feet.
The water is still clear. That’s something, at least; the dead man was too old to still have blood in him. Or maybe he was embalmed, drained of it hundreds of years ago, thousands.
“Are you okay?” Efri asks Kazari when they’re done, because they were the one doing most of the fighting, who was closest. They tip their head, shift their weight – wince when they put weight on one foot. Their lips peel back from their teeth. Their clothes on that side are singed.
Efri points it out. “Your robe,” she says, which makes it sound much fancier than it is. She’s too tired to think of a better word. She rubs a hand over her face, pushing the hair back over her forehead, says, “I’ll reinforce it for you when we get out.”
Kazari noses at Efri’s shoulder – the shredded fabric of her dress, the fraying edges stained with blood. Efri says, “I know. I’ll have to sew that up too.” Over her shoulder, she calls, “Kazari’s leg’s hurt, I think.”
“There’s blood on you,” Sissel replies. She peels her hand off the floor and leans back on her heels.
Efri touches her shoulder again. “’S fine,” she says. “Just a scrape. The blood’s drying already.”
It’s really sore, actually – the flesh abraded and tender, an ache sinking deep into the muscle – but it’s normal sore, the kind of sore you really should be after being thrown into a wall. It doesn’t feel sprained or dislocated or anything like that. Just like it will be bruised a whole rainbow of colours come tomorrow.
Kazari noses at it again. She leans too far forward and falters on her maybe-hurt leg – rights herself, wincing, and rolls her shoulder. It gleams, just for a moment, and she nearly stumbles again. Efri puts out a hand to steady her. (It doesn’t really accomplish anything – Efri’s strong, but she’s not that strong – but it’s the principle of it.) “What was that spell?”
“Pain relief,” Sissel says from behind her. “I think. Doesn’t actually fix anything, but.”
“You’ll be okay ‘til we find someone?” Efri asks, and Kazari nods. She presses a hand against their shoulder and nods back.
They both turn to look at Sissel, then, who’s just kneeling on the floor, sitting on her heels.
“You all right?” Efri asks her.
“All right,” Sissel confirms. She doesn’t look at them. “Didn’t even come near me.”
She’s staring.
Efri crosses the floor to stand with her. (She needs to lean on Kazari – her legs are too wobbly, and she doesn’t want to touch the dead thing’s stick, doesn’t want to look for her own. Kazari limps a little on their sore front leg.) There’s a moment of total, humming silence – all of them still and staring, necks craned back, looking up at the thing.
Whatever it is.
It’s a ball. Big and blue and shimmering, it floats above a wide crystalline dish set into the floor, spinning on an axis. Just spinning and spinning and spinning, endless motion. Its smooth surface is cut through with dark wavering lines, etched with lettering, and it doesn’t quite glow but it doesn’t not glow, either, the light moving across it silkily, like clouds in a blue sky. It looks like something that should be humming – a low pitch in their ears, an eerie shiver dancing over their skin – but it’s silent. Inert, maybe, but for the spinning.
“What is it?” Efri asks. Her voice cracks as she speaks. She looks down at Sissel’s face, staring as though mesmerised, illuminated by the room’s dim lighting – the fires that should not still be burning down here, the luminous not-glow of the ball.
Sissel says, “I don’t know. Something important.”
Hovering above the dish, it spins, and spins, and spins.
“Is it what the ghost was talking about?” Efri asks. She tilts her head and squints at it. It doesn’t – well, it looks strange and unearthly and powerful, but it isn’t doing anything. And it hadn’t been clear what the ghost was talking about, exactly, according to Sissel, just that it was something important – but what else could it be?
Sissel, still watching it, shrugs. “I don’t know,” she says. “I think so.”
Efri watches it with her, brushing a bit more hair out of her face. It’s sticking to her sweaty forehead. She feels a drip of not-dry blood running down her arm under her sleeve.
Kazari is staring at it too – just as confounded as the rest of them. Efri sees the light in their irises shifting as the ball spins.
They’re not learning anything from staring, the ball staying strange and mysterious as ever, so Efri raps her knuckles against her sternum to steady her breathing (it’s slowed a bit – not normal, but closer to it) and climbs up onto the stone rimming of the dish. Kazari, behind her, lows in consternation; Sissel catches her breath, a noise like a creaking door. “Careful,” she says.
“Promise,” Efri replies, and places her feet very, very carefully on the glassy blue flooring. Nothing happens. She doesn’t step on the dark curved lines as she treads toward the ball in the centre, slow and wary as if she were approaching a skittish animal. Nothing happens.
She reaches out, and, with just the tips of her fingers, she grazes the ball’s surface.
Nothing happens.
It’s cool to the touch, and smooth, like polished metal or not-frozen ice or delicate glasswork. It continues to spin gently under her fingers, warming her glove with friction, no smudges left on its clouded face.
It really feels like there should at least be a tingle running up her arm, a strange and unfamiliar current, a spark. But it’s just Efri, standing with an arm outstretched, pressing her hand to a ball.
“It’s not doing anything,” she reports, and Sissel clambers up onto the dish with her, fitting her palm to its gently hovering underside. Kazari balks, begins pacing agitatedly. Efri frowns. “Why isn’t it doing anything? Shouldn’t it be doing something?”
“It’s important,” Sissel says definitively. There’s ancient dust on her fingers, but none of it seems to transfer. “It’s something really special, I think.”
Efri shifts restlessly. She shifts her grip and tries to grab onto the dark ridged curves ringing its surface, but they slip easily away from her grasp as though her touch was no barrier at all. “But what does it do?”
Sissel shrugs.
Behind them, Kazari lows.
Efri drops her hand and grabs Sissel’s wrist. “C’mon,” she says, and when Sissel frowns at her, “We’re not going to learn anything about it this way. We have to look for clues!”
Kazari makes a more impatient noise. (Efri thinks she found a clue.)
Sissel gives the ball one last searching look and lets Efri tug her away, off the weird blue dish and down to where Kazari stands on the stone floor, at the head of the table where the dead man sat. Efri sniffs loudly and tries not to think about it too much. The table is smooth polished stone, worn a little away with time; Efri trails a gloved finger over the edge and directs her attention to where Kazari points with their chin.
There’s something carved into the surface, the edges blunted and shapes softened by however many years it must have been since it was put there. Efri squints, trying to make it out. She has to stand right up on her tiptoes to get the right angle to see much of it in full.
“That’s not letters,” she says eventually, frowning. She’s pretty sure she knows her alphabet well enough by now to know that. “Is it magic?”
Sissel shakes her head. “I don’t know what it is. It’s not like magical writing I’ve ever seen.”
Efri looks at Kazari, who also shakes her head. “Maybe it’s a different sort of lettering,” she theorises. It must have been written a long time ago, if it’s from back when the city had people. Onmund’s been reading all about it for ages, and he’s told her a bit – Saarthal was the city of Atmorans, populated by proto-Nordic people. All complicated history stuff. But they weren’t quite the same as Nords today, he said, so it stands to reason they had different writing, too. They’re supposed to be uncovering and cataloguing artifacts (at the thought, Efri glances back at the hovering ball and swallows an inane bubble of laughter) so she suggests, “Maybe you can copy it and we can show it to someone. I’m sure there’ll be someone at the College what knows what it is.”
Sissel, also standing on her toes, nods dutifully. “What will you do?”
The chamber they’re in is cavernous, and about empty but for the ball in the dish, the altar and chair, the body on the ground. “I’ll check him,” she says, and points. “See if he has anything on him that’s special.”
Sissel follows her finger and grimaces.
She digs out her note-paper and her stick of char, and Efri assumes it’s clues time, but when she turns she feels a hand grip her elbow. She looks back over her tattered shoulder at Sissel’s face, her furrowed brow.
“Promise you’re really okay?” she says, voice anxious and solemn.
“Promise,” Efri says, twisting her arm to touch her friend’s hand. Sissel presses her lips together and lets go of her arm.
Kazari trails after Efri to look at the dead man.
First thing is the metal stick. It’s magic someway, Efri knows – he waved it and threw her into a wall, flung spells with it – but she’s not sure how. Doesn’t know enough about enchantments. Didn’t need to, to use it; when Kazari clamped down on his arm she just ripped it from his grasp and –
She doesn’t quite exactly remember, actually, except for the bitter tang of adrenaline in her mouth and nose, the horrible grunting and scuffling sounds, the heft of the stick in her hands. Impact, over and over and over, against something that had a little more give each time.
Efri scrubs a hand over her mouth and grips the handle of the stick. It takes effort to wrest it out of the thing’s face, caught as it is by the edges of the helmet, and when it’s finally yanked free it’s – actually not as bad as she might have expected. There’s no blood, and the corpse was so desiccated it already didn’t even really look like a person anymore, so it registers less as someone with horrible violence done to it and more as a really gross art piece. It’s not nice. She doesn’t like the twisted, gaping mouth, teeth embedded wrong-ways in its tissue and scattered like coins over the floor. And one of the eyes, which had glowed unearthly blue, is now a dull, rotten black, squished like a plum in its socket.
It's worse the more she looks. She sniffs and turns away.
“This is magic, right?” she asks Kazari, testing the weight of it in her hands, the cool surface of the metal, and they nod. “A good artifact?” she adds, and they nod again, emphatically. Efri sets the stick aside and kneels.
It wasn’t wearing any clothes, really – or if it was, they rotted away. She touches the rusted armour gingerly, tries to avoid brushing her gloves against the shrivelled skin at all. Whoever it was had expensive taste, it seems – there’s jewellery in a shockingly well-preserved beard, pendants around the neck, armbands. Efri asks Kazari if each thing is enchanted. No to the armbands, no to the beard-ring, and then, pressed against the wizened chest where the flesh contours to the ribs, she finds some kind of necklace, sharp-edged and thrumming. Kazari nods to that, and, face scrunched up like an old fruit, Efri reaches around the ancient neck to slip it off.
She tucks it into a belt pocket with the tripwire necklace they found at the weird wall.
“Done,” Sissel says. She folds her paper and slips it into her own pouch. Her footfalls on the echo-y stone floor as she approaches the body for the first time are almost silent. “Did you find anything?”
“Necklace,” Efri replies, watching Sissel’s face pinch at the sight of him. “And – stick.” She scoops up the metal stick and holds it out. “He did spells with it.”
Sissel looks at it warily. “Is he a draugr?” she asks, glancing back down at his mashed-up face.
“I mean,” Efri says, “he’s got to be, right?” She’s certainly never seen a draugr before, but what else could it be?
(Calling it a draugr makes her shiver, the set of her shoulders quaking. She’ll stick to dead man.)
Sissel shudders. She reaches out to grip the handle of the stick, and Efri’s not sure if she’s taking it or just trying to keep herself upright. “I can’t believe that happened,” she says. Her voice sounds, suddenly, fragile. “I can’t believe we’re alive.”
“Me neither,” Efri says. She presses the tip of the stick into the ground so Sissel can lean on it, stands a little unsteadily.
Kazari, with a hushed murmur, telegraphs something. Efri recognises the head incline of understanding – she’s familiar with that word, that idea – and, after a moment, the flickering ear of doubt.
“They’ll have to believe us,” she says with conviction, because she means it. “We’ll show them. They’ll see for themselves.”
Kazari presses their nose to her head.
Efri clasps her hands together. “We’ll go tell someone now,” she declares – though it’s easier said than done; they were lost in the ruins ages before they even found the crumbling wall, the halls, this horrible wonderful chamber. But they’ll get un-lost eventually. They’ll get out eventually. Surely. They have practice enough with walking. “But first – help me find my stick.”
#little girl has a kill count now!! more at 11#for context: I altered stuff leading up to the discovery of the eye#efri and sissel went off to play in the undiscovered halls of this ancient archeological dig site#on the grounds that efri has a great sense of navigation and they'll find their way back to the group no problem.#(efri has a great sense of navigation in the wilderness.)#(introduce her to a series of roads and buildings and she is lost in the sauce.)#their friends split up to look for them after they've been missing from a while (wandering around with great interest and no sense of place#(incredibly lost)#kazari happens upon them right as they've found a necklace at the end of a dead-end passageway that - when dutifully grabbed#for archeological research purposes - ended up triggering the wall to crumble or disappear or otherwise remove itself from the equation#and efri wasn't going to just. LEAVE that opening there.#come ONN kazari that's weird!! we can't just leave it!! what if it closes up and we never ever find it again and there's incredible secrets#that the college never finds! what if we never know what's through there!#we HAVE to know what's through there!#so on they go.#and so ensue the horrors#they pass a lot of dead bodies before the main all but those ones are all immobile#also sissel is the only one to receive the psijic projection warning. which she explains to the others as a ghost telling her secrets#which efri accepts bc this seems like the kind of place that would for sure have ghosts#and kazari goes sure that tracks this place is fucking creepy can we leave now (<- is also curious but HAS to put on a show of reluctance#because clearly no-one else is going to)#(permanent babysitter of kids with the worst self-preservation instincts imaginable)#(she is so strong. living every childcare worker's nightmare)#ANYWAY#:D#normal type stuff#posting because it matches the artwork I'm also posting! look at that thing!!!#fay writes#oc tag#efri
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Question with people with better ears than I do:
I was trying to take a quick listen on some tracks from game and I thiiiink (I am not 100% sure) but in the moment just after Kieran's loss, yanno, the ex-champion moment, the music starts with a snippet out of initial Kieran's battle theme, just a few notes that later starts to loop after being overlaid with more electronic notes (I am unsure if that instrument appeared anywhere else on OST so I don't find significance of those), so it's two notes from Kieran's initial theme just looping, over and over. Which matches nicely his slowly shattering sanity and reality sinking in through his disassociation.
I am just hearing things that aren't there?
#doesnt help i cannot find ACTUAL ost all i can find is game rips#which sucks bc on osts you genuinely hear so much more!!!!!#i plan on getting the cds one day BUT NOT LIKE I HAVE ANYTHING ICAN PLAY THEM ON#like fr i recently got myself a new album and then i just went and torrented it bc i have no means of getting tracks off it lmaaoooo#but back to main point i may be jsut hearing things#perelka dot txt#trainer kieran#rival kieran#but idk pkmn osts do tend to indicate stuff which is nifty#or even foreshadow whole plot points :3 so yanno. i wonder.
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Just realized I forgot to post these
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#these guys are from the same story as the grape twins btw#root beer is their cousin and one of the four main characters#dragons beard is merlot's boyfriend and fellow antagonist#and lemon taffy is the older sibling of one of the other main characters who spends most of the story 'kidnapped'#and by kidnapped I mean the super villain polycule asked them if they could help them with some tests and they went 👍#important context! lemon taffy (and their two siblings) are the kids of three superheroes and merlot and fox grape are the kids of four#supervillains both of which are mostly absent for the main story (although the supervillains at least get to be more of side characters)#the heroes are off in space dealing with alien political drama that doesn't matter to the main plot#the two groups have a fairly casual rivalry but they still have genuine beef#merlot and fox grape were left home alone after their parents set out to work on some big project and merlot took the chance to go fuck#off and get a boyfriend to do crime with leaving fox grape desperately trying to find them and get them to come back home#and for the other side root beer was roped into helping rescue lemon taffy by their two younger siblings pop rock and jelly bean#he and pop rock are the main duo on that side with jelly bean being their guy in the chair#merlot and dragons beard are mostly antagonists to those three with fox grape and the other main guy cayenne pepper chasing after them#cayenne is dragon beards childhood friend and I have never drawn him before despite adoring him 😔#hes such a piece of shit I love him#in my old original concepts for him he was going to be an incel but then my brain went but what if. aro. and I instantly hard committed#hes a bitchy asshole who's made all the more annoying by the fact that his anxieties are low key completely justified#hes a sad wet cat abandoned in a cardboard box all alone 😔#oh yeah also worth noting that root beer is a vampire who has a strained relationship with his adoptive dads#oh and dragons beard's parents are a dragon and a royal fae so he has a lot of power that he doesnt know how to use lol#lemon taffy is like. sort of part dragon in a very distant way? their grandma was a failed revival of an old god who was a dragon who made#their dad out of her own magic which included that same magic from the dragon god who was basically made of magic#so he was also sort of part dragon but not really? idk its complicated#merlot and fox grape are miraculously not part dragon somehow despite my track record of making too many ppl dragons in this world#they are however vampires and also directly decend from a god so thats fun
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very lalalala day... I must savor it before I go to the trenches tomorrow
#got to sub for my old theater teacher and the kids were like YO!!!! AGAIN!!! HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS 😭😭😭🌋🌋🌋🌋#bc ive subbed for them in choir the past four days 😆#it's fun to build that rapport w the kids! :] and then yesterday the choir teacher had asked if I could have them#figure out their riser formation for one of the more difficult songs they're doing and well.#peace and love on the planet earth those kids were STRUGGLING 😭 but i gave them no structure or help so. what could they do#(although that is a bit out of my wheelhouse as a sub 😳)#anyways it bothered me that the choir teacher was going to come back from being sick + have a whole lotta nothing SO. i spent my whole day#thinking about the dynamics of that group and which parts of the song challenged which voice parts + how confidently each section sang#etc etc. and i made a little diagram for her so she could at least have one thing to throw at the wall today 🥲#so! i went to check on her in between classes bc she's fighting bronchitis and i was worried about her. well! come to find out my#diagram was really helpful and the girls liked how it felt in those spots + are going to stick with it for concert! huzzah 😁🍻#i also got to interrogate the choir teacher on what uni's she recommends and ‼️‼️ holy shit mama has the scoop!!! we spent 20 minutes#talking about it at least 😇 anyways. fighting the urge to go to the private uni she and the other choir teachers in my lineage went to....#have i performed at that school many times and love the environment of their program? yes. but you have to fight a WAR for their scholarship#and they basically never give full-rides for music 🥲 then there's another private uni w an excellent musical theater program that would#give me a lot of experience in that vein BUT money is so hard already so 🥴🥴🥴#there's another school where you can get a bme and fast-track into their graduate conducting program which ‼️‼️#but ALSO. there's another school with an opera program 👀👀 which i would kill to study#i need to make an excel sheet respectfully. so much to consider 🙈🙈🙈#mostly i just want to be. as well-rounded as possible before i get in the classroom so i can have this same conversation w my own students#school stuff aside!! i just got out of our pre-season for the con i work at and RAHH ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#our team is so. 🌅🌅🌅❣️💖 i love everyone so much we are a little machine and i missed everyone a lot :] very excited for the changes we're#making this year!!#sriracha.txt
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FINALLY started titanfall 2, the movement will take a little getting used to but i'm pleased to find it's way easier to pull off than i thought it would be, the ghost runner is so helpful and i like the game's clever ways of giving you Cool Badass Moments very organically.
#ignore me#i'm very early in - sewage treatment plant section pre-cain fight#i got swarmed by the ticks and megaexploded for the first time and went 'ooo this is gonna be annoying. im gonna stop for a bit'#i'm having a bit of trouble orienting myself and keeping track of my surroundings but that's how i am in Every Game i get lost super easy#and the very minimal hud/quest tracker is nice and unobtrusive but also aids me in getting lost a bit#not too much though! i get turned around a little and then i figure it out#they're good at signposting your path pretty clearly with lighting & such so i can get back on track easy#a lot of the weapons feel VERY good to use too#probably my favorite moment so far is coming back from grabbing the first battery to find the imc guys around bt#and theyre talking about scrapping and selling him and i was sneaking up stealthy#and one of them says something like 'you'll say something different when the pilot has a gun to your head'#and i was like aha! my cue! and promptly landed a headshot on All Of Them in sequence which felt SO GOOD#so my review is 10000/10 good fucking game i'm bad at it but it's great#for context i have always been hesitant about platformers/games that require you to Be Creative about Movement#bc i was traumatized in my early years by fancy pants adventure 2 NO IM NOT KIDDING#I NEVER FIGURED OUT WALL JUMPS AND I FELT BAD ABOUT IT FOR AGES AND I DO STILL THINK ABOUT IT AND GET SAD
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:O
#wanted to check what is the oldest song in my mp3 (bc yes I still use one what do u mean)#(it’s technically an mp4 but there are no videos on it and the screen gives up on me sometimes so. glorified mp3 it is)#and by ‘oldest’ I mean the oldest track I put on there manually myself#like. from the first batch of songs I personally transferred from the first mp3 I ever owned and this one I have now (still goin strong bby)#and it’s Modjo’s ‘Ladies’ 🥺😔💘#(2000 stuff done riGhTt)#so many memories#so I went down a rabbit hole and found an oldie I used to like but never gotten around to find the title of#which is ‘Restless’ by Neja (1998)#the OLDEST oldest track I got technical is ‘S’agapo’ sung by s/ofia l/oren in 1957 so#i don’t think that counts#but then if we want to dig deeper I think I have some Listzs on this old boi so that’s that on that#just so we are clear. I have NO musical taste and I’m fine with that#and now back to my month of hellish activities#you have fun peeps. hope you are doing well#sneaky niki
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STILL wide awake! i did not put down my phone! and now im hungry. so i will not be sleeping tonight ♥️
#purrs#also… im gonna admit it. ive been up for hours cleaning out… my toyhouse accounts. not cleaning them out but cleaning them up. and im so#FUCKING mad at my 18 year old self for giving away characters that meant so much to me to 12 year olds on warriors amino who never finished#their half of the art trade… and now so many of them are like. completely out of my reach and i can never get them back. im trying to ask#for the characters ive been able to find and track them down. which for ppl who actually love and care for them im sure is predatory and#annoying bc it’s like ok you made that choice so live with it. but im so fucking mad at myself and i wish i could undo it. i know it doesn’t#matter bc i don’t do that kind of deviantart stuff anymore but like.. i gave away characters who were so special to me growing up and now so#many of them are like.. on locked / unauthorized toyhouses or deleted or the person already owns them and is never trading them and#imjust so SAD!!!!!! over pixels i know. PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER over pixels. but im so saddddd aughhhhh#delete later#(i also did clean out photos and do practice drivers tests btw. but ive mostly been doing toyhouse stuff)#also im so sad and angry charahub went down and i didn’t even know it and i can’t access my data at allll like so much precious info#on there is gone forever. pain and suffering. also it’s worth naming im not in this to like have the best most expensive whatever designs im#doing this bc i desperately want to salvage every piece of my childhood / adolescence and never let go of anything in my life ever and when#i was 18 i thought i could run away from deeply permanently hurting and betraying a friend by selling all of my characters starting w the#ones they made me and then branching off into baiscally all of them to not make it look like it was just abt them bc i couldn’t bear to be#reminded of what i had done. and now i live with the consequences. in more ways than just the characters obviously. so there’s that#(i had my reasons for doing what i had to do btw. but i will never stop feeling guilty about it or regretting how it must have felt for them#bc we were like best friends and then i turned cold and awful because i didn’t know how to communicate my needs so instead i just shut them#out and didn’t even have the decency to explain why. and it fucking sucked that i did that. lol)#* and still sucks. and i think abt it all the time and try not to talk about it for a lot of reasons but here i am so. lol
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i got back into totk and although i firmly stand by my 'it could've been better' thta most definitely doesn't make it a boring game
#i was planning to fight ganon bc i've had the final showdown quest unlocked for a while now but have not touched it#but i wanted to fight the king gleeok first so i went to go that except i got lost and realized how little battery thingies i actually hv#so i was like 'that won't do!' and went to go get mine zonaite#and one thing led to another and suddenly it's 3 in the morning and i STILL haven't fought ganon#you can get so easily side tracked in totk it's just a lot of fun#after fighting the king gleeok + malice sand boss in depths i realized i very badly needed weaposn bc everything i had was breaking at that#point 😭#i spent an entire hour looking for a gerudo scimitar for urbosas sword. at least 15 of those minutes i was running around with the sensor l#oking for it before realizing that it beeps on npcs with it#and then i just fawking gave up#then i went to rito village to try & get revalis bow but couldn't find a swallow bow so i quickly gave up after learning my lesson with th#scimitar and just wandered around the outskirts before finding some sky islands i hadn't vitsited yet above the village ^^#& then i think i fought the lynels for majoras mask which got me a shit ton of stuff#<- but it was also a pain in the ass bc i literally forgot to fuse shit together prior to entering & so i was scrambling to fuse things#together inbetween lynel fights 😭#i ended up beating them but i had like 4 hearts bc everything else was gloomified bc my dumbass also always forgets to cook up#gloom repelling food#<- plus i am also trying to save my sundelions to upgrade the champions tunic#hv i told u guys that i drew the master sword & then realized I didn't hv a tracker on zelda anymore so i couldn't just find her whenever i#needed materials from her so i went back to my save before i got the sword so i could keep tracking her lol#i then put off pulling the sword forever . i hv it now but it took me a while
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okay but how do you ask for help when your childhood makes you feel guilty for needing help and the help that you need feels rude to ask for
#im really struggling to function rn and i finally accepted that i wont make it to my appt without help#so i posted on my snap story asking if anyone could come over for a few hours to help me get back on track#n. two people replied saying they cant but hope i find someone but no one else has replied at all#i knew the answer would probably be no bc no one has time to come all the way here to help me to do tasks i should be able to do alone#but idk i thought i might get some comfort or encouragement or something. just some acknowledgement#i wish i had a group chat or something where i could reach out to people. bc things like snap stories people are just flicking past#i NEED to change the kitty litter today i have no choice its unusable and needs changing but i just. how. i am so tired#i have a ridiculous amount of glasses n crockery specifically for when i struggle like this n yet im still almost completely out of them#bc i just. cant do the dishes. i dont even have to wash them they just need to go in the dishwasher n i Cant#my brain just completely shut down once i got back from the trip#especially bc i got a cold n i dont cope well being sick at all#but of course thats another reason i feel bad asking for help. bc my house is full of germs. n i dont want people to get sick bc of me#but i am running out of food and clean dishes and bench space and i just. cant do it alone rn#but i used up my asking capabilities posting on snap#posting on insta would prob get more people to see it but insta feels. much more public#i dont use my insta stories like ever so it feels like a Lot to post on it for this#n when i asked for support after my parents divorce i only got a couple responses anyway#n this is. not worth support. like its a problem of my own making? i went on the trip knowing it would be a Lot for me#i wasnt planning on getting sick And getting an infection which are both exhausting me a lot but thats not the point#idk im just beating myself up over here. idk how to ask for help esp bc i expect the answer to be no anyway#like who is gonna travel an hour+ to help their friend clean their kitchen and fill out paperwork. im 28 i should be able to do that stuff#these tags are getting very maudlin and mean to myself. sigh. i wish i didnt feel so guilty when i need help#i wish i felt like i was allowed to ask for and accept help#love that childhood and autistic trauma haha lmao#anyway. brains are annoying. and im struggling a lot.
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i’m struggling to get to sleep a little, so i’m going back over childhood memories and stumbled across one that was almost a one hit KO.
I read a lot as a kid. My parents encouraged this, and got me a lot of books. Enough that, at one point, early in the morning and the only one awake, I was able to cover nearly every square inch of our living room in books. This probably led my parents to the realization that I, perhaps, had too many books, and we should get rid of some.
I was fine with that. I didn’t like to read books twice, you see, because I already knew where they were going and they didn’t entertain me anymore. That’s a philosophy that has changed, somewhat, with age, but that’s besides the point— there were a few books I wanted to keep. Strawberry Shortcake and something to do with mermaids. The few issues of the Beano I had. The Tin Soldier.
My parents boxed up a ton of books, and handed them in to my first grade classroom. Multiple large boxes of books. A comical amount of books. My teacher, Mrs. B, was very appreciative, But.
I don’t remember how this was uncovered. I don’t remember how I realized it, but… the tin soldier had been given away too. I didn’t mention it a paragraph ago, but it was my favourite book. I loved that book. It was about a tin soldier, missing a leg, in love with a princess or a ballerina. He got lost, or dropped, or maybe went on an adventure, I don’t recall, but in the end found his way back to the princess and was happy.
We did look through those boxes. Didn’t find it.
In sixth grade, I moved.
Well— technically, it was the summer between fifth and sixth grade that I moved. Still. In the years between, we never found that book. I had honestly forgotten about it. Sure, I had cried, but I did eventually find other books.
I guess word got around that I was moving. It was… something like the last day of school— not quite the end, but close. I remember snow on the ground, grey and slushy and mostly gone. I was just getting on the school bus to go home when Mrs. B came bustling out of the school.
She caught my backpack handle to get my attention, and I stopped on the steps of the school bus, looking down at her for what may well have been the last time I ever saw her. She had a book in her frail hands. The Tin Soldier.
She had never forgotten. She kept looking for that book. There was an apple sticky note on the front, addressed to me. It said some incredibly kind things, though most of the words are lost to memory. Encourage your creativity, I think, was the gist of it.
I just. Four years. She kept looking for that book for me for four years. I still have it, now, over a decade later. She must have had other, more important things to do. Four years! Where on earth had it been? I still don’t know, can’t imagine what could have possibly happened to it in the interim short of it slipping into a dimensional pocket. I loved that teacher.
#mobbtalks#not really a story with a point I suppose#my parents dd find another copy of the tin soldier for me after accidentally giving mine away#but the art was different and the story was slightly changed#other memories in this cycle include: spending recess stored away in a corner making an entire city out of little wooden blocks#attempting to do so again another recess only to have the teacher assign me as the buddy to the special needs kid. by which I mean she put#him in the same corner as me and told me to look after him#I remember being annoyed at having to share my city but he actually brought some really neat ideas to it#never really interacted again afterwards though.#I hated the teacher who was supposed to look after him though. she was an ass#like one day I came into school smiling and happy and kicked the snow off my boots Onto the Kick Snow Off Your Boots Mat#after like 30-40 other children had already done so- I was in the back of the line#and she came up to me and honest to god went ‘Why are you smiling.’#so I said ‘today’s my birthday!’ because it was. I was probably turning seven#but that’s just a guess#and she said ‘I don’t care. do you think just because it’s your birthday you can get snow all over? I don’t want you to come to class until#you pick this all up’ and she like gestured at All the Snow tracked in by (again) 30-40 children (a lot of snow)#I remember scooping a couple handfuls outside and then shoving the rest under the mat because I’d be in trouble if I was late to class#went from smiling to tear streaked#… well that’s a sour spot to leave off a post about good memories on#uhhh what else can I recall#I used to get up super early but I’d get up even earlier for Christmas#one year I got up so early. I don’t know how early but I do know it was like WAY earlier than I had ever gotten up before#stared at the tree and the gifts underneath. considered if I could open one (just one!) secretly. decided against because my parents would#be so sad to miss any. stare at tree. stare at tree. vents make weird noise. oh shit the house is haunted and the ghost is gonna get me#ended up on the other side of the house wedges under a lawn chair (???? lawn chair = safety apparently) on top of a vent#(!?? the thing scaring me?!?)#and all three of our cats came out of the woodwork to square up around me. snooks who was honestly just the best no notes 10/10 cat#simba who’d wake me up on other days to beg for pets and then follow me around the house until other people got up#and Missy who Hated me and Hated Children and probably Hated Simba too (but not snooks because snooks was an Angel)
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hi i hate adobe premiere and adobe audition thats all
#no its not ur gonna read the tags and find out exactly why i hate them#because i get these for free because of my school or whatever right so i have to use them for my classes#and as a film major#i use these A LOT#and i am in THREE production courses this semester (two is the most ppl usually take at once but i decided to make my life hard)#so as u can imagine i have a LOT of projects to do that require premiere and audition (the video and audio editing suites from adobe)#AND EVERY FUCKING TIME#i always end up with half of my footage mysteriously disappearing EVEN THOUGH i triple save everything and make sure its all there-#-before i close the program SO LET ME KNOW HOW WHEN IM POSITIVE MY SHITS RIGHT HALF OF IT IS GONE THE NEXT DAY. HOW. HOW DOES IT HAPPEN.#it also just decides to like ruin al my projects right#so today for example#i wanted to add some reverb to an audio track right nothing major literally so simple#and i go to hit apply#AND AUDITION JUST ??? REMOVES ALL OF THE SOUND ALL TOGETHER???? WHAT????#i was so lost#i saved my project and went to submit it and ONCE AGAIN it is soundless but it says an audio is playing but theres nothing#so i go back to audition and everything fine!#i double check how i saved i looked up the proper save procedure just in case i did something to just not save the audio#which again- how can i possibly save a SILENT AUDIO FILE like thats literally just a file of nothing#so i decide fuck it its 3 am and im tired im just gonne record the finished audio file in my VOICE RECORDING APP ON MY PHONE just in case#if i have to whip out my phone during class to present this im actually gonna stand in front of a stampede of bulls
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#sorry. i cant access twt and bluesky wasnt doing it for me (bc of the ppl there) but i need ta talk about elvis wtf 😭😭😭#i listened to burning love like probably 10 times today and i have this thing that i want to listen to a certain track on the album it first#came out#which i couldn't really identify cuz it was a single and i could find the record on spotify so i had to pick an album to make it the one i#listen to burning love#to loop it basically lmfao#and honestly???? that song is so good it makes me so happy and his voice is just fucking amazing ive always known that i knew it but this#time ive been hit by him so hard idk what happened but im enjoying it so much 😭😭 i also discovered this is a cover actually and i went#after the one who wrote it and sang it his name is Arthur i forgot his last name but he was also covered by the beatles and all these rock#white ppl like honestly its sad this happens all the time but im grateful he made this song cuz the melody os just beautiful and the energy#is there all the times i loveeee it so much!!! elvis makes his thing and also the band. the band enhances so much what he does it works so#well it makes my heart jump and feel shit right down my stomach it's instant dopamine serotonin and all the happy shit#ik this song is well known but honestly it is my fav. it's something about his deep ass voice and confidence and appeal that makes fall for#it. it's so attractive and addictive and it always fucking catches me im so happy im feeling like this byeeee#i wanna watch some videos of him before sleeping but i need to tidy my Things Hole. i was such in a good mood that i started cleaning it but#i didnt finish cuz my video finished exporting and ive been editing it until now and its almost 11pm and i need to put everything back but i#cant do it without wiping it all down and stuff i am gonna sleep late lmfao#anyways i love elvis :^)
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years of training managing people who just wanna shout abt their own ideas has prepared me perfectly for group interviews
#hearing back later today hopefully so we’ll see if that paid off#but man. stick a group of highly competent people in a room and make them compete and they forget other people exist#5 people in the interview and had 5 minutes for a ‘presentation’ at the end. of which I had 20-30 seconds bc nobody else knew how to shut up#idk if my thing was what they were looking for but I just tried to keep people on track and make sure nobody got left behind#and that we actually answered the question at the end. bc they forgot about that too and just went off on their own things#very smart very cool people! my ideas were not as good! but I hope I managed to build off other people’s stuff + redirect to the main thing#man also nobody else noticed this one person just straight up dropped out the call. she’d been quiet and her video froze so I checked w her#and she’s just gone. didn’t get back in until the end. feel so bad for her but she’s still easily the one I would’ve given the job to#I’m gonna try not to post mortem all the things I could’ve said better bc I had points I didn’t bring up but I think I got the big stuff.#I said what was most important and that guided the flow of the rest of the thing so I had an influence and it was a good one#¯\_(ツ)_/¯ either by the end of today or on Monday I’ll find out whether I have a SECOND interview I guess#overall feeling good! was my impression coming out of it and I’m not gonna let myself anxiety that away#luke.txt
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Some Brute doodles plus a bonus Button
#keese draws#eternal gales#Ive been thinking abt them a lot lately#theyre my other quote unquote time looper#and those quotes are pretty damn big because its entirely within their own control brute just has time rewinding abilities basically#but they sort of did a self inflicted timeloop to try to save one of their friends (softie)#it was. a rough time.#and spoilers but it didnt end well softie in the current version of reality died as a child#the past timeline stuff is mostly nonexistent within eg proper but sprinkles and tali both get to remember some stuff so good for them#<- bad for them. they do not have a good time#butter (aka current brute) would have remembered if it wasnt for the hastag brain damage#I have a LOT of thoughts and feeling on past timeline stuff but thats either stuff Ive already talked abt or stuff Im too tired to explain#well I've already explained everything in this post before but shhhh I like to imagine newcomers will actually read this#but yeah brute is my beloved they absolutely suck ass at being a timelooper they have no imagination and little patience#two of their group spent the entire period of the loops repeatedly murdering eachother and brute Never found out#all because they were too honed in on like 3 staliens to even consider how weird it was that one or both of them would Always go missing#just sprinkles showing up bleeding out like yeah. looser went to a farm where he can run around and be happy. dont worry abt it.#brute isnt stupid but they are impatient and bad at emotional stuff which makes keeping track of everyones issues hard as hell#theres so much fucking drama going on in this gaggle of teens getting them to not murder eachother is a challenge that even the more#emotionally intelligent characters arouns wouldnt be able to solve without a great deal of struggle#so brute spends a huge deal of it all feeling incredibly lost and frustrated and this leads to them making some rash decisions that make#things get much worse for both them and those around them#their arc with how they view themself over the loops is one of my favorite things abt them#finding yourself only to kill yourself all over again for the sake of those around you and all that jazz#fun fact! butters name comes from back when they were brute!#they had been internally calling themself by that for so long that by the time the brain damage left that was the name that stuck with them#brute just never got to actually use the name fully in their version of reality for a wide variety of reasons#mostly the time loop but also because most of the others wouldnt take it seriously even when they tried#this was mostly because butter is well. a fully english word that doesnt have any stalien equivalent#brute just made some bullshit up to act as their language version of it
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