#one year I got up so early. I don’t know how early but I do know it was like WAY earlier than I had ever gotten up before
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Annoying
Oscar Piastri x Norris!Reader
Warnings: None
Summary: You and Oscar tend to get on your brother’s nerves when you show PDA. Here are a few instances of that.
Word count: 700+
The first time it happened, it was a weekend off from racing, so you, Lando and Oscar decided to spend some time together and hang out. Y’all are currently playing Mario Kart and you are beating both of them. “For guys who drive race cars for a living, y’all suck at Mario Kart.” You tease them. Lando rolled his eyes and Oscar laughed at you. “Oh hush.” He retorted.
After you beat them once again, you decide to eat some takeout for dinner and watch a movie. You and Oscar are cuddled up on one couch while Lando is on the other. He looks over to see Oscar peppering your face in kisses. “I’m gonna vomit.” He says out loud and you start laughing. Oscar is soon to follow with the laughing. “Is someone feeling lonely over there?” You ask your brother teasingly. He rolls his eyes “No, but I still don’t want to see that.” He says with disgust.
“Oh boo. I just want to show my girlfriend some affection.” Oscar tells him. You giggle as him and Lando go back and forth with each other, all in friendly banter. “Do you plan on staying the night?” You ask Lando. He thinks about it for a moment and says he is going to. You get up and get the guest room ready.
~On a race day~
Another time you annoyed your brother was on a race day. You are standing in front of Oscar, he has his arms around your waist and his head resting on top of yours. Y’all really aren’t doing anything to crazy but Lando makes a gagging noise and pulls you away from Oscar. “No touching. I don’t want to see that.” You suppress a laugh and tell him to get over it. You go back to Oscar and give him a hug. They get called to go to their cars.
You lean up and give him a kiss and wish him good luck. You go to give Lando a hug and he is glaring at Oscar. “Calm down Lando, he’s my boyfriend and we are going to kiss.” “I still don’t like it. You’re my little sister, you’re not supposed to be kissing anybody.” He mutters. You shake your head and wish him good luck. You know he is giving you a hard time and doesn’t mean any harm by it.
~Time skip~
Today marks the two year anniversary since you and Oscar started dating. You are a little upset because Oscar has to work and is in another country at the moment. He called you earlier to say happy anniversary and it made you so happy. You go about your day and around dinner, you hear a knock on the door. Lando is standing there with a bouquet of flowers. “Special delivery.” He says. You laugh at him, knowing Oscar put him up to this. “I thought y’all were gonna be gone all week? And how much did he pay you to do this?”
“We got done early and moved some stuff around and he didn’t have to pay me anything. Just promised to keep the PDA to a minimum around me.” He teased. You rolled your eyes at him. “So where is Oscar right now?” You ask. “Just get ready to go. We are leaving in an hour.” He tells you. You put the flowers in a vase and hurry to get ready.
An hour later and Lando is taking you to the spot you and Oscar had your first official date. He is standing on the overlook with a blanket and a basket. You thank your brother and get out to go to Oscar. When you reach him, you pull him into a kiss “Happy anniversary, baby!” You say. “Happy anniversary!”
Lando rolls down the window, “I’m still here. Would it kill you two to wait till I’m gone?” He teased. You shrug your shoulders. “It actually might dear brother. Now go away, I want to spend some time with Oscar today.” He waves and drives off. “Even after all this time we’ve been together, the slightest amount of PDA still annoys him.” Oscar laughs at your comment. “I don’t think that will change.” He responds and you agree. Dinner goes well and you watch the sunset together before you head back home for the night.
#f1#formula 1#f1 imagine#oscar piastri#f1 x reader#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastry x norris!reader
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A Domestic Life | S. Riley
pairing: simon “ghost” riley x female reader
warnings: none just some fluff bc I don’t see enough for him :(( maybe OOC
synopsis: just some fluffy headcannons about the infamous ghost and how he treats relationships
a/n: there is not enough tooth rotting fluff for this guy and I’m gonna fix that starting now
Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List
requests open for ghost!
—
sleeps like a log. the guy sleeps on his back, pointed at the sleeping and when he’s out he’s OUTTTT that boy does not sleep on the field so in an actual bed? he’s comatose. of course if you have a nightmare you can wake him up anytime. he’ll be a little confused at first but he’s got the spirit
enjoys cuddling but not in his sleep. he overheats so easily bc of how big he is so you guys keep your space. he is happy to hold you before bed though while watching a movie or scrolling on tiktok
he’s a DRY texter oh my god. it’s like your biggest pet peeve. “how’s your day” “fine” “made any progress?” “no.” you’re working on improving his skills but he’s just like that. you asked a question, he answers. besides he doesn’t frequently have time to text you long detailed replies
obviously ghost loves his mask, and it makes sense for him to conceal his identity but he doesn’t when he’s back with you. he likes to keep his identities separate. ghost and the mask for the field, regular simon at home. it’s not like anyone would know they were the same guy, except you of course.
on the off chance he’s home for halloween, he doesn’t use his mask as a costume (just in case anyone could connect the dots) but does keep the skeleton theme
his favorite holiday is christmas and he always makes sure he can have it off
he LOVES to cook. he doesn’t eat good when deployed so he loves coming home and cooking himself up exactly what he wanted. don’t get me wrong, he loves if you cook too but there’s something about not being able to control what you eat and then having full control and making homemade pasta for him
wears beanies all the time in winter. the dudes got a buzz cut, standard, so his heads cold. he loves when you wear a matching one with him
wakes up at the ass crack of dawn bc his body is just used to it after so many years
when he retires, he plans on having a small farm for even fresher homemade ingredients like eggs, milk etc. and he’ll wake up early to do the farm chores
again with the shitty food thing, he only likes gas station coffee. he’s so used to a crappy cup of joe that he can’t do the fancy shit. then again, he’s more of a tea guy anyway
loves his alone time but he likes you there, if that makes sense? like he loves reading a novel and not talking but just having you also read in the same room
likes just sitting on the couch together and watching a movie
It took him a while to adjust to physical touch after it being 1.) mostly abuse or 2.) enemies after him but he is not completely against it. he knows it’s important in relationships so he tries his best and eventually learns to love it
a sucker for slow dancing in the living room. bonus points if it’s with the christmas tree lights and music. he loves swaying around and the occasional stepping on feet and your giggles
his most prized possession besides the guns and you is a le creuset tea pot you gifted him for christmas. it’s bright blue with a gold handle and perfect.
he has a tea collection on display and is always trying new flavors from around the world. his green tea is imported from japan ONLY. always makes two cups for himself and you
loves to do any picnic dates or apple picking or farm style dates. the man loves food as FRESH as possible.
his bucket lists consists of food places around the world he wants to try and go with you.
including fugu from japan. you are totally opposed because of the whole life or death thing associated with it, but simon’s used to risks and he’ll do his research ofc.
he’ll never admit but he wants to go to america just to try the fast food there. he knows it’s bad and the opposite of what he stands for but the chinese in britain is ASS and doesn’t canes, in n out and chick fil a look SO good?
bicep holding >>> hand holding
he needs routine. simon needs to wake up at the same time, make breakfast for you guys at the same time, have his quiet time on the porch. watch the morning news with you and the tea. always at the same times. he tries not to but he can’t help bringing some of his military life home
his crew knows he has a wife but that’s it. ghost keeps simon separate and you are married to simon.
plus he can never be too safe when it comes to his work. the only name you went by when he’s deployed is “my wife” or “mrs riley”
doesn’t even carry a photo of you bc he’s that paranoid
you guys actually get married within 18 months because it just makes life easier. as soon as simon knew he wanted to marry you, he did.
it’s just easier in the military bc of pay, benefits, deployment, etc. and ofc he loves you and was locking that down ASAP
sends you recipes when he’s deployed for you to make and rate
when he can’t sleep, which is often, he just lays next to you not touching and contemplated how it is after all the bad he’s done, how he got it so good.
and he makes sure you know how appreciative he is
#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost#cod#call of duty#call of duty x reader#ghost x reader#ghost cod#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#ghost x you#simon riley fluff#simon ghost riley fluff#ghost fluff#simon riley x y/n#ghost mw2
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Remember, Thou Art Barnacle
A serenity prayer for election day.
Originally posted on my website.
The Ann Selzer Iowa poll, regarded as the gold standard in all of political polling, shows Harris is up +3 in a state that Trump won by +8 in 2016 and by +9 in 2020.
And you are a barnacle.
The election better markets have Trump up by +19 (as of noon EST, 11/5/24), and bettors don’t care if people are ashamed to admit who they’re voting for—they’re in it for the money and only the money.
And you are a barnacle.
Mainstream pollsters have admitted to weighting their polls heavily in favor of Trump, to ensure they don’t end up with egg on their face like they did in 2016 and 2020 again. International whales are taking out huge bets in favor of Trump, swinging the markets, and right wing think tanks are flooding the zone with bullshit polls to artificially inflate Trump’s odds in the aggregate. And even if the popular vote is overwhelmingly for Harris, Trump’s team is already laying the narrative groundwork to support a Stop the Steal campaign that, by the time you read this, will likely already have started.
All of that is true.
And you are still a barnacle.
You are not piloting the ship. You are not the captain of the ship. You are not laying out the potential courses the ship could take, you are not deciding which course the ship will take, you are not scouting ahead.
You aren’t even a paying, ticket-holding passenger on the ship. You are a barnacle on the hull, deep underwater, and unfortunately, there isn’t really anything you can individually do to affect where this ship goes. Sorry!
This isn’t an invitation to check out, or become apathetic, or (heaven forbid) embrace doomerism. Quite the opposite: this is a reminder of who you actually are in this entire scenario, of the power you do not have, and of the power you definitely do.
After the 2016 election, some small part of myself was convinced I could change the outcome if I just posted hard enough. If I fought enough of my friends on Facebook, texted angrily, and tweeted from enough protests and rallies, somehow Trump would no longer be President-elect.
All it did was, literally, give me a rash. I got so angry for so long that my skin started to break out in hives. A doctor friend more-than-half seriously prescribed that I “get the fuck off Facebook” until my skin returned to normal. Trump was still President-elect, the next 8 years happened the way they did, and here we are today.
You’re going to hear a lot today: polls are tightening! Votes still aren’t in from this critical precinct! If these trends hold, then we can expect to know something by such-and-such a time! The race is as tight as can be! White supremacists are threatening violence to avenge a dead squirrel!
(The squirrel thing is 100% real, and my god, I really wish I was joking.)
Remember, through all of it, that you are not the captain of the ship. You are a barnacle on its hull, and there is very little you can personally do to change it at this point. You’ve already done all you can do—or maybe you haven’t, but even then, you’ve already done all you’re going to do.
And as you stress, and consider how inebriated you’re going to get, and decide on which web pages you’ll be refreshing every thirty seconds, and stress out some more, remember too that Donald Trump hasn’t ever won the popular vote in his entire miserable life. He only won the electoral college, a racist system explicitly designed to empower slaveholders in southern states, one time, and ever since then, he has lost every election he’s declared for.
More people did vote for the woman candidate the last time one ran for President, and more people have voted for the candidate of color than their opponent every single time a person of color has run for President on a major party ticket.
And women have already made up a larger share of early voting than men in this, the first general election post-Dobbs, than ever before in American history. (53% women to 44% men.)
So as you stress and consider your inebriates and say to yourself, “How can it possibly be this close?!” for the umpteenth time today, remember too that Donald Trump is a fascistic, deeply unpopular person (let alone President) backed by an even more deeply weird party, and that almost the entirety of your experience of this election is being filtered through the lens of a national, for-profit media that doesn’t care who wins, so long as you keep watching.
Remember, you are not the captain of the ship, you are not the helmsman, you are not the map-maker.
You are a barnacle.
Vote for Harris, vote Democrat in your local and state races, and trust your other barnacles.
If you like this, consider signing up for my newsletter to get more writing from me right in your inbox the second it posts: sean-curry.com/signup
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Hope— Nicholas Chavez x Fem!Reader
summary— you and Nicholas Chavez were deeply in love during high school, but he broke up with you to pursue his acting dreams in LA, promising to come back for you. after years of lost contact and watching him achieve fame, you held on to his promise but when you reconnect, it doesn’t go how you hoped.
warnings— mentions of sex, heartbreak, rejection, angst.
a/n— requests are wide open like my legs for nicholas <3
When Nicholas first told you he’d been cast in General Hospital, the pride in his voice was unmistakable. “I’m finally doing it,” he’d said, eyes bright with excitement. “I’m really going to be on TV, and I want you to be proud of me. This is everything we dreamed about.”
You had hugged him tightly, trying to ignore the growing ache in your heart. “I am proud of you,” you murmured. “You know that.”
But the day he left, he’d pulled you into one last embrace, whispering, “This isn’t goodbye, okay? When you’re done with college, I’ll come back, or maybe we’ll find each other along the way. I just- I don’t want to hold you back. If you love someone, you have to let them be free.”
Your heart had broken in a thousand pieces that day, but you nodded, trying to be strong. “I’d wait forever if it meant we’d end up together, you know that?”
You watched him rise to fame from afar, earning new roles in Netflix shows, your heart swelling with pride each time he’d land a new one, even while missing him was a constant ache.
You moved to Los Angeles after college to live with your sister, a film producer, hoping maybe fate had plans for you and Nicholas to cross paths again. Memories flooded back, late nights spent tangled up in each other's arms, your first nervous kiss under the stars, and promises you’d whispered about the future you’d planned together.
Now, years later in LA, you could hardly believe it when you saw his message pop up on your phone. “Hey, it’s been a while., I miss you.” And then, the message you’d been hoping for, “Wait, you’re in LA too? Let me take you out to dinner.”
When you finally met up, it was as if no time had passed. He hugged you tightly, his familiar scent bringing back a rush of memories. “You’re really here,” he said softly, looking at you like he couldn’t believe it.
You laughed, trying to hold back tears. “Of course I’m here. Did you think I’d forget about you?”
He shook his head, his hand finding yours. “I hoped you wouldn’t. You know, every role, every award, I kept wishing I could share it all with you.”
As he drove you to his mansion, you couldn’t help but marvel at the life he’d built for himself. “I can’t believe this is yours,” you said, glancing around at the luxury surrounding you. “You really made it.”
He smiled, that charming grin you remembered so well. “All those late nights paid off. But you know what? None of this means anything without you.” Your heart fluttered at his words.
That night was incredible. The two of you slipped back into the rhythm of amazing sex as if no time had passed, and you reveled in the warmth of being together again. But after the passion faded, something felt off. He didn’t cuddle you and clean you up like he used to. Instead, he said, “I’ll call you an Uber. I’ve got an early call time.”
Your heart sank. “You’re not gonna make me stay?”
“Not tonight. I really have to be up early.” Reluctantly, you gathered your things and left, confusion swirling in your mind. As you sat in the back of the Uber, that strange feeling gnawed at you, but you tried to shake it off.
Days passed without a word from him. “Maybe he’s just busy,” you told yourself, but deep down, you felt your heart shatter all over again.
Then came the day your sister invited you to the set of her new film. Eager to see her in action, you put on a brave face and headed to the studio. As you walked around the set, a familiar laugh caught your attention, and you turned to see Nicholas. Your heart leapt, but just as quickly, it plummeted when you saw him passionately making out with a girl, his hands all over her in the same way he’d touched you just nights before.
The sight felt like a dagger to your heart. Anger and sadness surged through you, but walked over to confront him after the girl left.
“Nicholas!” you shouted, breathless with rage and heartbreak.
He turned, looking startled. “Hey! I—”
“Save it. What was that?” You pointed at the spot where he’d just been. “You ghost me, and then I see you making out with some girl?”
He ran a hand through his hair, clearly flustered. “I’m sorry. We broke up for a couple of hours. I was sad and lonely. I was going to text you, but it just, it didn’t feel right.”
“Didn’t feel right?” You shook your head in disbelief. “I loved you, Nicholas. I waited for you, and then you just use me and move on?”
He stepped closer, desperation in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I really wanted to reach out. It’s just, things got complicated.”
“Complicated?” you echoed, voice rising. “You think it’s complicated for me? I loved you for years, and I gave you everything! You used me and discarded me!”
He sighed, looking genuinely regretful. “I know I messed up. I just didn’t want to drag you into my mess.”
“Too late for that.” You turned away, fighting back tears.
The pain of watching him walk away was like a weight pressing down on your chest. You had thought this time would be different, but it felt like the end of the line all over again.
That night, your phone buzzed with a message from Nicholas. Your heart raced, but as you opened it, anger surged through you. “Hey, I’m really sorry about earlier. I’ve been seeing someone since I got to LA, and I didn’t mean for things to get complicated.”
You stared at the screen, disbelief and rage colliding within you. “Complicated?” you typed back, your fingers shaking. “You think this is complicated for you? You just used me, Nicholas. You broke my heart and then moved on like I was nothing.”
His reply was quick. “I never meant to hurt you. You have to understand, this is all new to me. The fame, the attention.”
“So, what? You just replace me with someone else? I turned down so many guys for YOU. I waited for you.” The hurt in your voice echoed in your mind as you pressed send.
“I thought we could pick up where we left off. I didn’t mean to lead you on.” His words felt like daggers.
“You didn’t lead me on? You fucked me, sent me home then ghosted me! I loved you for years, and you just tossed that aside?” Your heart raced as you read his response.
“I didn’t know how to handle it! I thought you’d moved on too,” he replied, sounding desperate now.
“You fucking idiot I didn’t, and if I did I wouldn’t have fucked you. I thought we had something real. But clearly, it wasn’t the same for you.” You felt tears welling up as the pain of betrayal washed over you.
“It was real for me, too. I just got scared.”
“Scared? Scared of what? Being with me? You’ve built a whole new life, and I’m just some girl from your past?” The hurt in your words made your chest ache.
There was a long pause before he replied. “You’re more than that. You always will be. But I can’t change what I’ve done.”
“Then don’t contact me again,” you typed, your heart breaking as you hit send.
“Wait, please don’t say that Y/N.”
But you didn’t reply. You tossed your phone aside, burying your face in your hands as the reality of the situation crashed over you. How could you have been so blind? He was living a dream, while you were left with hope.
You felt lost and unsure of how to move on, but you knew you had to. “I’m done with this,” you whispered to yourself, wiping away the tears. “l’ll move on. I will be okay.” It would take time, but you were determined to reclaim your heart, even if it felt impossible right now.
As the weeks passed, you focused on picking up the pieces of your heart, throwing yourself into your role as your sister’s assistant on set. Every day, you watched Nicholas interact with his new girlfriend, a co-star in the movie. They laughed, kissed, and shared intimate moments, and it took everything in you to maintain a brave face. Inside, your heart ached with memories of what you once shared with him.
On a particularly tough day, you overheard Nicholas talking to his girlfriend in the trailer, laughing at a joke you had once told him. You turned away, willing yourself not to cry. “I’m not going to let him see me sad,” you whispered under your breath, reminding yourself of how far you had come.
Despite the lingering feelings, you knew deep down that he wasn’t your one. Yes, he was your first love, your first everything, and the promises you made felt real, but it was time to let go. Eventually, you met someone amazing, a man who understood you and made you feel cherished in ways you never thought possible. When he proposed, it felt like the culmination of everything you had dreamed of, and you said yes without hesitation.
The day you announced your engagement on Instagram was one of the happiest of your life. You couldn't help but smile as you posted a picture of your ring, the caption reading, “Forever starts now.”
But then, the unexpected happened. Nicholas saw your post and immediately sent it to you and replied, “Can we meet for coffee? I need to talk to you.”
You hesitated, anger and hurt mixing with the memories of the past. “There’s nothing to talk about, Nicholas. If you have something to say, text it.”
He was quick to respond. “I’m so sorry. You’re my one. I wish I had waited for you. I miss you. No one compares.”
You laughed bitterly, shaking your head in disbelief. “It’s too late for that. I’m getting married. You had your chance, and I’ll never give you the opportunity to hurt me again.”
You felt a surge of empowerment as you hit send, but a small part of you felt a twinge of sadness for what could have been. With that, he responded but you ghosted him, just like he had ghosted you before, leaving him to reflect on what he lost.
A few months later, news broke that Nicholas and his girlfriend had split. You were blissfully happy in your marriage, surrounded by love and support from your husband and family. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief that you had moved on and found your true happiness.
As you looked back at the heartache of your past, you felt gratitude for the lessons learned. You had finally moved on, and this time, it felt right.
#nicholas alexander chavez#nicholas chavez#nicholas chavez x black reader#nicholas chavez x black!reader#nicholas chavez angst#nicholas chavez blurb#nicholas chavez x poc!reader#nicholas chavez x reader angst#nicholas chavez imagine#nicholas chavez x y/n#nicholas chavez x you#nicholas chavez fic#nicholas chavez x fem!reader#nicholas chavez x female reader#nicholas chavez x reader#nicholas chavez x reader smut#nicholas chavez fluff#grotesquerie#general hospital#nicholas chavez fanfiction#father charlie mayhew
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Around the World Part 6
Hello! And welcome to another chapter of this very underrated fic. Thank you to everyone who has given it love in the way of comments, reblogs/tags, and likes.
It's London calling! And we meet a Murray Bauman in the wild. Eddie and Steve get a little introspective and Steve does something rash.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
~
Their trip through the haunting and beautiful Ireland was amazing. So many tales and history. This is why Steve wanted to do more than just America like Eddie had originally wanted, because America just didn’t have the history Europe and other places did. Not unless you wanted to disturb actual First Nation people and that was something he wanted to avoid at all cost, thank you.
They were on the ferry from Northern Ireland to Scotland and Steve was looking out over his shoulder at the water as he leaned against the guardrail. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, allowing the wind to blow through his hair.
Eddie slid his arm around him and Steve laid his head on his shoulder.
Today Eddie had his beard and faux-dreadlocks in a light blue button up shirt and cream colored wide-legged pants. His chunky sunglasses covered the his face.
“You know,” Eddie murmured, “until we reached this leg of our journey and you started to disguise me, I didn’t realize how much I missed just being Eddie Munson, regular guy. I can really see the appeal of you and friends’ way of doing it.”
“Yeah,” Steve said softly. “Of course it means that we can’t go all out and buy everything we want, stay in fancy hotels, show up at restaurants without a reservation and get in. But I can go into my local grocery store and buy two tubs of mint ice cream because I felt like it.” He lifted his head to look Eddie in the eye. “Like some Karen would judge me, but it’s not going to go up on TMZ that I’m letting myself go.”
God, Eddie had had that happen more times than he cared to count. Like once Chrissy was on her period and he went to go get her chocolate, Ben and Jerry’s, and pads. Before he even got to his car it was all over the internet that he was letting himself go, just because it was 2am and his best friend needed something to help her feel better.
“You think you’ll ever come out?” he asked, pulling Steve in closer.
It was a familiar and well-worn topic of theirs; whether or not Steve would ever come out as bisexual at least.
He ducked his head and looked away. He didn’t know. He didn’t like hiding parts of himself for those he loved. He would like to tell people this is the love of my life.
“Would you leave me if I said no?” he mumbled, not daring to look up.
Eddie placed his finger under Steve’s chin and lifted his head gently. “Of course not, Stevie. There are literal actors who have been married for years and no one knows. It’s just between them. We could do that too. Just a quiet ceremony, Robin and Chrissy as the witnesses, and a justice of the peace.”
Steve let out a weak sort of watery laugh and shook his head. “I want all our friends there, famous and otherwise. I want a full tilt party with music playing into the early hours of the morning. I want fancy tuxes and flowers galore. I know I might not get that, the absolute coward that I am. But if I marry you, it be to scream from the rooftops that I love you.”
Eddie bumped their shoulders together. “Softy.” Steve blushed. “Besides there is nothing in the world that says we can’t have it both ways. Have a quiet little ‘just us’ and then go full tilt when you come out. You don’t even have to tell anyone. Just a little comfort that I’m not going anywhere.”
Steve pressed a gentle kiss to Eddie’s cheek. “I’ll think about it.”
Eddie kissed him deeply and then tucked his head under his chin and they stayed like that until the ferry docked in Scotland.
~
God, Scotland and England were beautiful countries Eddie decided as he watched the rolling green hills from his train window. That was another thing he really liked about Europe in general, just all the different ways to travel that weren’t a car.
He looked over at Steve who had his glasses on and reading a book. He smiled at the title. His boyfriend wasn’t a fantasy fan or science fiction either, really, but put a clever mystery in his hands and you would have to pry to the book from his cold, dead fingers.
He glanced over at Chrissy and Robin who were playing Go Fish! They had asked him if he wanted to join them, but he passed. He rarely got time to just relax and watch the scenery go by when he was on tour. He was always doing something related to the band. Writing music, practicing, talking about the next venue, interview, or TV spot.
Him and his friends had fun, because of course they did. But it was nice to just let his mind wander. Currently he was sad that they were going to have to miss Wales this time. He really wanted to buy some Welsh gold jewelry. It’s super rare and absolutely gorgeous.
Maybe he would have to come back later and get something special for Steve. Just something simple like matching bands even if it wasn’t on the left hand. Or necklaces. Just something simple to prove they were it for each other.
“I made an appointment with a well-known tattoo artist in London,” Steve said nonchalant, but like he was reading Eddie’s thoughts.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to Steve. Robin nearly giving herself whiplash in her speed.
“As your friend, manager, and platonic soulmate,” she said darkly, “I advise against that. You can cover it up but someone, somewhere will see it.”
Steve looked up from his book and leveled her with his best bitchy glare. “Not if it’s on my ass.”
Chrissy and Eddie’s eyebrows shot up and they shared a shocked glance. Eddie always loved tattoos, he had a couple of stick and poke style ones from when he was young and stupid and couldn’t afford to pay for an artist to do the job, but there was one place, well technically two if you included his dick, which he absolutely did, that he refused to get a tattoo on and that was his ass. Not being able to sit down properly for what would probably be weeks was not his idea of a good time.
“Not really, though, right?” Chrissy asked with a grimace.
Steve took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Of course not really. Sheesh, you guys. But I hid fucking hickies from the both of you for a year and you never noticed, so I’m pretty sure I can hide one fucking tattoo.”
Robin and Chrissy shared their little ‘manager’ glance and Chrissy folded first.
“You’re right, Steve,” she said calmly. “Not once did you forget or slip up and you should be applauded for that. But is there a reason you’re deciding to get a tattoo now instead of waiting until we’re back in the States and you can use Eddie’s personal artist?”
He looked over at Robin and their little telepathy thing went off again and this time Robin folded first.
“It’s for Eddie,” she murmured. “They can’t be out as a couple and with Steve being the romantic that he is, wouldn’t want to get married without all his friends there, so this is his way of telling Eddie he isn’t going anywhere either.”
Eddie blinked for a moment. “Do you think they take walk-ins?”
“I booked it for both of us.” Steve smiled at him and took his hand. Eddie beamed back at him.
“They are so disgustingly cute,” Robin huffed, crossing her arms. “I bet Steve has this really sweet idea for a tattoo that even if people do notice it they won’t be able to tell the meaning but he and Eddie will know and be so sickeningly precious about it.”
Eddie gave him a huge kiss on the cheek. “I love my super clever boyfriend and can’t wait to see what this brilliant plan is.”
~
Steve’s brilliant plan was half of a white mask on Eddie’s inner wrist and half of guitar on Steve’s and when they held hands it formed almost heart.
The tattoo artist was really impressed with the idea and was more than happy to implement it. Steve walked out of there, completely smug as Chrissy pointed out. Deservedly so.
They were to stay in London for three days because of all the haunted places in London alone, there were so many worth visiting. They were going to start at Jack the Ripper tour and move onto the tour of London.
The tour they learned with deep dismay had accidentally been scheduled at 2pm and not 2am like Eddie had thought it said. It was so boring and their tour guide so dull, Eddie accidentally tripped of one of those concrete pillars they had in the middle of the sidewalk to prevent cars from driving up on it.
“Oof!” Eddie wheezed as he straightened up. “Why do they even put those things here?”
“Chrissy Cunningham,” a nasally voice said from behind them. “What are you doing in my neck of the woods?”
They all turned slowly to see a weaselly little bald man with thick horn-rimmed glass.
“Holy shit,” Chrissy said slowly. “Murray Bauman, as I live and breath. What the hell are you doing in London?”
He shrugged. “Eking out a living doing tours for bored tourists. When the biggest metal band in the world drops you, so does everyone else.”
Chrissy and Eddie shared a grimace. Corroded Coffin had deliberately did that to Nancy after the shit she pulled with Steve and trying to be The Fallen’s agent. But this one was a complete accident.
“Oh fuck off,” Robin said with a grin. “You love it. I can tell. You have actual notes written down, you have a map marked with all the spots the murders take place. I bet you have all the great stories.”
Murray flushed and cocked his head to the side. “I mean I didn’t want to brag. But yeah, certainly better than Molly over there.” He jutted his thumb at their tour guide. “Most of the good ones are from tour companies and then you get people like Molly who make it look legit online and trick people into taking day tours.”
“God, I was so bored,” Eddie huffed, shoving his hands into his pockets, “I felt jet lagged.”
Murray’s eyes instantly narrowed and cocked his head to the side and instantly everyone else tensed up. He took in their reactions and mimed zipping his mouth shut.
“I’ll tell you what,” he said, “if you’re still in town tomorrow, meet me here at 9pm and I’ll give you a proper tour.”
Chrissy licked her lips slowly. “Or what?”
“Huh?” He was confused for a moment before he smacked his forehead. “Oh! No, no. I’m not going to blackmail you. Holy shit. If people want to enjoy a vacation without all the publicity, good on them.” He looked Eddie up and down. “Looks good on you kid.”
Eddie was suddenly glad for the large sunglasses and beard because it hid the blush on his cheeks.
“No, I’m just saying,” Murray continued, “that if you wanted to experience a proper Jack the Ripper tour, I’m willing to do it. I don’t have a tour currently booked and beside I like her.” He pointed at Robin, who grinned back him.
The four them all shared glances at each other.
“I’m down,” Steve said with a shrug. “If you’re as good as you say you are and aren’t trying to actively ‘get back’ at Chrissy for taking your job, I know I’d be interested in seeing what Whitechapel has to offer after dark.”
“I like him too,” Murray said brightly, rubbing his hands together. “So what do the rest of you say?”
“Aye, aye, Captain!” Steve’s three menaces said together.
He just smiled fondly and shook his head.
~
Tag List: CLOSED
1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog
2- @gregre369 @a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence
3- @goodolefashionedloverboi @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child @blondie1006
4- @yikes-a-bee @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten
5- @genderless-spoon @y4r3luv @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt
6- @disrespectedgoatman @dawners @thespaceantwhowrites @tinyplanet95 @garden-of-gay
7- @iamthehybrid @croatoan-like-its-hot @papergrenade @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars
8- @ravenfrog @w1ll0wtr33 @child-of-cthulhu @kultiras @dreamercec
9- @machete-inventory-manager @useless-nb-bisexual @stripey82 @dotdot-wierdlife @kal-ology
10- @sadisticaltarts @urkadop @chameleonhair @clockworkballerina
#my writing#stranger things#steddie#ladykailtiha writes#rockstar eddie munson#rockstar steve harrington#rockstar au
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y’all i’m thinking about stan’s hearing aid and i have FEELINGS.
yeah, yeah, yeah, i know it shows up exactly once and is pretty clearly written off simply as “old man has hearing aid” because that isn’t unusual at all at stan’s age. and sure, if we consider that filbrick, caryn, and ford are never shown with any hearing devices, we can assume this isn’t hereditary hearing loss.
BUT WHAT IF IT WAS. stan is only 17 when he gets kicked out, and we don’t have canonical ages for filbrick and caryn. so it’s very possible that if hearing loss does run in one of their families, it may not be showing up noticeably yet, or it might not be obvious enough that’s what’s happening. it's really easy to just think "ma is loud" or "pa doesn't pay attention" and that's that.
so i’m thinking about a stan who doesn’t know he’s at risk of losing his hearing early. stan who has so much more to worry about than something like that and who probably wouldn’t even notice it was happening until it got bad enough. stan who gets really fucking good at reading body language and facial expressions so he can grin and saying the right thing at the right time or redirect a conversation where he wants it to go because he can’t admit that he has no idea what the fuck someone said to him. stan who’s so goddamn loud all the time, and sure that’s partially his personality, but that’s also what happens when your hearing starts to go — you get loud and you don’t even realize you are until people start pointing it out.
stan who already has to look over his shoulder all the time being woken up in the middle of the night by a sound like a foghorn that makes him think oh, fuck, rico’s goons found me, they’re outside, i’m fucked, i’m fucked. only to slowly realize….the foghorn isn’t outside, it’s not some guy’s truck. in his head. it’s a horrible sort of tinnitus he didn’t know could sound like that. and it scares the shit out of him every time it happens, cause it’ll keep happening, completely at random, for years.
stan who i refuse to believe has insurance, and even if he did, do you have any idea how expensive hearing aids are??? this motherfucker won’t go and get his vision rx updated, and that’s not difficult insurance to come by, generally speaking. meanwhile, hearing aids aren’t even covered by a lot of plans, and these bastards cost several thousand dollars each. so where the fuck did he get his hearing aid?? is it even programmed for his hearing loss???? and if by some miracle it was, originally, when the hell was the last time he had a test done to get the settings adjusted?? we only see him wearing one — does he only NEED one or is that all he could afford??
when i think of stan and ford out at sea together i always think about stan’s fucking hearing aid. you can’t get that fucker wet, they aren’t waterproof! if he has a battery operated model, how many batteries did he bring with them?? you’d be appalled how often you have to change out a hearing aid battery, and that’s assuming you actually take it out and open the battery door every night — would stan??? or would he try and sleep with the thing in more often than not because even after all these years he can’t stand the idea of not hearing someone coming to hurt him while he’s got it out.
did you know that hearing loss can fuck with your brain if you were a hearing person? if you go too long without being able to make out/understand sounds like speech, your brain can eventually stop trying to parse it. that can increase your risk of things like iterations of dementia. do y'all ever think about how stan’s hearing loss might exacerbate the effects of the memory gun??????
#i also think about stan turning his hearing add off during an argument#cause it’s objectively funny to do#but god damn#i am always fucking thinking about this#mostly because i am PROJECTING#but still!!#boston babbles
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That one ask/reply shitting on THK and GMMTV in general is really.... something. 🙃 I think you and @invisiblegarters already expressed most of my thoughts on that but I just want to add that based on every Jojo interview I've ever watched (and I've watched a lot of them during Only Friends), I never once got the impression that he's being forced to worked with branded pairs and, as you pointed out, it's actually kind of insulting to suggest he's having these pairs forced onto him and has to write stories he actually doesn’t want to tell just to suit those pairs. During OF I saw a lot of talk (from the same circle of people who are now criticising THK before a single episode has even aired) about this too (about Jojo probably being forced to keep SandRay and TopMew together just because the actors are branded pairs) but everything always pointed to the opposite being true: Jojo (along with the other OF writers) wrote a script where 2 of the couples are together at the end and one is not. And he chose the actors according to that story, NOT the other way around (he chose branded pairs to play those 2 couples because he always planned on them to be together and therefore felt branded pairs would fit that kind of a story/ending).
Not to mention I thought Jojo being a simp for Khao was common knowledge, but I guess not? But yeah, uh, anyone that has ever watched any of the Soonvijarn videos knows this. It was only a matter of time before Jojo got to work with Khaotung tbh (and clearly wants to keep working him and First, given he chose to work with FK immediately after he already worked with them). Directors have faves and it's very clear Khao is one of Jojo's.
The only thing I will agree with that original post on is the fact that it'd be nice to see some of these branded pairs act in projects solo or with a different partner. However, that doesn't have to mean they should stop working with their branded pair altogether. I don't see why they couldn't do both. Though honestly, for me the main determining factor is what the actors themselves feel happiest doing. There are certain actors who definitely do not/did not enjoy being stick in a branded pair and that was visible from the moom. I'm glad for those of them who are no longer in branded pairs, since that's obviously not something they wanted. However, FK are not one of those pairs. From everything I see of them right now, they both feel happy and fulfilled working with each other. The moment they stop feeling that way, I will stop wanting to see them act in shows together as a couple. People seriously need to stop being so vehemently against branded pairs as a whole. (There's also a lot of hipocrisy going around: Branded pairs are totally fine if it means these people will get to see a pair like MaxTul play a couple in multiple series, but as soon as a GMMTV branded pair acts in several BLs together, branded pairs are suddenly bad and are holding the actors back. Double standards much?)
[This ask was sent in response to this post, but I would just skip down to @invisiblegarters addition because it's the only part worth reading]
Yeah, there’s an anti-GMMTV branded pair movement going on here on Tumblr and I don’t understand where it came from or what its purpose is considering early GMMTV pairs such as OffGun and TayNew are exempt from criticism.
It seems to come down to just a fundamental misunderstanding of the genre. In romances, the two main characters end up together. If they do not end up together, it’s not a romance. It does not matter if the two main characters are played by a branded pair or not. This is just how romances work.
Not to mention that these shows are conceptualized way before they are ever cast and are oftentimes based on novels, so the casting has literally no bearing on the story at all. In the case of THK specifically, Jojo has been working on that script for at least two years. FK weren’t even a branded pair back then!
To suggest that queer characters are only getting happy endings because a company is trying to sell fan meets is incredibly insulting to not only the queer creators who make these works, but also the queer viewers who want to see a happy ending for themselves on screen.
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everything has changed .ᐟ
Paring; sam x reader
Prompt; 'and all my walls stood tall painted blue. But I'll take 'em down, take 'em down, and open up the door for you'
Requested; anon
Notes; watching the election and finishing off reqs hopefully I can get them all done
Masterlist | Taylor Swift masterlist
“Good morning.”
A smile pulled at his lips as your voice carried across the room from where you stood in front of the mirror. Your eyes found his in the reflection as you ran a hand through your hair to smooth it down.
“Morning.” He sighed rubbing a hand over his eyes as his body slowly woke up. “Not like you to be up so early?” He mumbled leaning back into the pillows as you grabbed your mug from the dresser.
You hummed raising an eyebrow. “Check your alarm.”
Sam frowned turning to look at the clock as you covered your smirk with the mug. 11 am. His eyebrows drew together as he looked at the clock in confusion, he never slept through his alarm.
“How did I sleep through it?” He questioned turning back as you sat down beside him, one of your hands smoothing down the covers. “You didn’t sleep through it Sam. I turned it off.”
Your boyfriend shot you a betrayed look as you shrugged with a small smile. “You went to bed at 3 am last night. There was no way you were going to function on 3 hours sleep.”
Sam immediately went to defend himself but you cut him off. “I know you have. But you shouldnt.”
His self-care habits had always been a point of annoyance in your relationship. His habits were none existent in your mind and that was something that had to change. The Sam Winchester you’d met had been a closed book when it came to relationships.
One to many heartbreaks had left him unsure to even take you up on your advances. Every girl he’d ever really liked was dead. He refused to watch that happen to you aswell. He rerufsed to see another person die because of him.
But you were nothing if not insistent and two years later you were both still here.
You were still here and he was actually happy.
You’d convinced him to take a chance and open up his heart one last time and so far he’d never been happier.
“You turned off my alarm.” He shook his head taking your mug and placing it on the small table. “Someone had to let you get a good night rest, god knows you wont do it alone.” Sam chuckled pulling you back into his chest.
You yelped quietly at the movement, your chin resting on his chest as you looked up at him. “Your gonna be thanking me when you don’t get a migraine later.” You smiled. He hummed unconvinced as his hand idly ran over your back.
He knew you had a point but admitting that would just allow you to gloat. Instead he shook his head again leaning down to press a kiss to your head as you got comfortable against his chest.
“Your not moving are you.”
You shook your head. “Nope.” You felt him shift back to lie down. “You know sleep debt is a thing right? You have years to make up for yet.”
Sam huffed qiietly, his hand pausing over your back as he watched you for a moment. He’d promised himself he’d never let himself get thise close to another person again yet you’d somehow managed to change that.
And you also seemed set on changing his horrible sleeping patterns.
#supernatural#spn#sam winchester#dean winchester#spn fanfic#supernatural x reader#sam winchester fanfiction#sam winchester x reader#sam winchester x you#sam winchester x y/n#sam winchester imagine#sam winchester drabble#sam winchester fic#sam winchester fluff#spn x you#spn x y/n#spn x reader#spn imagine#spn fic#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural x you#supernatural x y/n#supernatural imagine#supernatural drabble#jared padalecki#jared padalecki x reader#.mine#.spn#.samwinchester
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miss vegas. how do u survive in college. please give me some tips. i am barely hanging on by a thread and it's only my first year. how do u do it. also ilysm.
hi nonnie 🌞. omg ofc! i used to live on campus, i don’t anymore which is way easier for me— also, don’t stress. first year can always be a lot and extremely overwhelming but i got uuuuu !!!!!! love u too
it's a lot of things i wish i knew as my first year LOL. i guess one thing that is probably super basic, don’t procrastinate. just get your stuff done so you don’t have to worry about it later ☝️ it’s easier said than done, but trust you’ll feel a lot better once you finish your assignments / projects early n on time !!! also, staying up late while working on stuff — don’t do that. it’s not good for you, and i always did that eheh. waiting ‘till the last minute of 11:59 to finish essays nuh uh. do your stuff as soon as it get assigned, DONT PROCRASTINATE 🫵 also, go to all your orientations. do nawt skip them
sleeeeeep. you need lots of sleep, regardless of what year you’re in it’s very important. i wish i knew that as a freshman 😀😀😀. i would stay up all night doin work, especially on the weekends. certified loser nerd. also, set an alarm !!!! if you’re a heavy sleeper like me, set a fuck ton of them !!!! or uh… have someone wake you up. i used to oversleep a lot, a way to prevent this is to usually go to sleep earlier than you usually do ( from my experience )
if you’re on campus, have some sort of map / guide so you know where you’re going !!!!! on my first day i literally got lost right away and i barely knew much english so it was even more embarrassing LOL. beeeee prepared !!!! ☝️ do research on ur school, they should provide those things — also, try to get those things ahead of time before your courses start so you aren’t askin random ppl where one of your rooms are. of course, its okay to still get lost anyway. it happens. ask for help if needed but make sure you’re prepared !!!
you don’t necessarily need friends to “survive” in college. everyone’s experience is different, but i found my experience easier by just keepin my circle small 🫂. IM NOT SAYING TO BE A LONER, you can have / make friends throughout your years ofc !!! in college, you’ll meet the best and worst people of your life. your main priorities should be yourself and your studies — but you come first at the end of the day. friends will always come & go, but eventually you’ll stumble across some nice ppl who share the same interests as you !!!
there’s prob super more important details but for the last thing i’ll say this— don’t let your grades define you 💓. it sucks majorly to get bad marks on something, especially if you stayed up countless hours on it, givin it your all. i personally have / had a habit of doing that, but never let it define you. if you truly think you didn’t get the right grade for any number of reasons, you can always talk to your prof about it in private. but don’t stress ab it !!! always remember you matter first over some exam 🫵
#✰ミ݁ ׅ ࣪ asks.#🧁#everyone's college experience is different — but try to have fun !!!!#make the most of it. you aren't alone. ☝️#one step at a time xxx
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#this question is very hard for me to answer so obviously I have to torment everyone else with it#cause like. like I can really see the potential in either answer. both are feasible#I will say. most realistically. to me. edwin first charles harder#because I think…..I think the reasoning behind the other way around usually tends to be about how edwin absolutely was slower to bond and#open up in general whereas charles hit the ground fucking running#but i don’t think that particularly applies to their romantic relationship#if you mean ‘fell for’ in a general sense rather than a romantic one then yes 100%#but that’s not what im talking about here#I have a few different reasons but generally I think edwin fell first because like… the way he attached himself to charles and accepted him#as his person and etc is so unlike him to do with literally anyone- especially at the point where they first met/the first years they knew#each other. charles just seems to have hit him as something very very special and irreplaceable quite quickly for him to open up the way he#did and change and flourish into a fully realized person because of how safe and worthy charles made him feel#he took to charles with an unusual amount of ease and trust and I think that says something about how charles struck his heart Early#whereas with charles… yes on one hand he did stay on the mortal plane largely because of edwin and absolutely would’ve been impacted by the#tender act of mercy that was edwin reading to him as he died so he wouldn’t be scared. that’s absolutely what got him to trust edwin and to#want to be with him and protect him and so on#but charles would still do that and be like that under intense platonic circumstances I think#but most importantly I just think charles fell harder. when he fell is less important to me here- more important is that by GOD that boy is#down so fucking bad and outright SAYS IT in so many ways that he doesn’t realize– the sheer amount he restates how he’s content so long as#he’s with edwin. how he doesn’t want to be anywhere where edwin can’t follow. would and Did go to hell and back for him. believes him#to be the kindest and most incredible person he’s ever met. prioritizes him above anything and everything. etc etc etc#that’s not to say edwin doesn’t feel a similar amount of devotion– but charles just. really loves him with his whole person. loves him as a#fact of his existence and a piece of his very soul#idk man. it just feels like he is so incredibly smitten and he doesn’t even know it.#like I said though I can see both options and give reasons for both options so this question EATS at me I GENUINELY don’t have a super#strong feeling either is absolutely correct. it’s so difficult to answer they’re both so smitten and have such a history and GRAHHHH#payneland#dead boy detectives#rambling#polls
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not to be dramatic but I literally feel like I’m going insane lol
#first of all I must acknowledge the percy of it all. I don’t know how many of you are reading those posts and honestly I’m not conveying#how I feel very well but I’m so deadly serious when I say I feel sick when I think about those books and not even in a bad way necessarily#just nauseous whatever. second most pressing issue is the whole “am I going to drop out transfer suck it up or kill myself”#okay I’m really not considering that last one I have to live to see dani in july but I haven’t the slightest clue what I’m gonna do next#year. on one hand I hope this school explodes on the other transferring sounds so unfun but back to the first hand I hate this city#and I hope it explodes to and I have nobody I know to live with off campus next year and tbh I would rather die than live w sarah suitemate#which brings us to sarah suitemate. how in the hell is my only friend in this god forsaken city like kind of subtly homophobic#In addition to kind of being a bad fucking person. like lol! yes ladies six months deep with no other friends and I Am that desperate#also it’s the very beginning of the quarter and I kind of hate all my classes. okay I know they just started and it’s very early to judge#but I already feel like I’m going crazy I preferred my other two quarters where I was eating literally 12 credits I was satisfied with that#I’m just scared and lonely can I say that outright is it embarrassing to admit that outright at 11am on tumblr#the only thing that gives me comfort genuinely is just repeating that “everything works out in the end” saying bc I really do believe that#even though I hope my closest friend within a reasonable radius of me drops dead and I’m directionless and I want to kill myself#whenever I think about the book I’m reading it will all be okay#anyways time to eat the pastry I got from the campus market is not a good time to tell you guys I didn’t eat breakfast or could you tell#carmen.txt
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I think I may be a little odd
#I’ve been thinking about like everything/neg/pos/breakdown inducing#and I think I’m mentally I’ll#like yeah no shit but also it’s very clear#I literally got out of breath the other day talking about wolves and Yellowstone bc I was talking so fast about them#also have very wild mood swings paired with abandonment issues constant shame for ppl caring about me and trauam over friendships bc#so many have gone wrong and I’ve been forever changed or abandoned (both in one case)#I mean I met this girl at a school meet and she just reminded me of a person who hurt me. they had the same same mannerisms looked similar#besides the hair and I had a full panic attack. I feel bad about that she probably was really nice#or how I feel sick just thinking about the local park bc it’s where I was forced to hang out with a ex friend that wrecked me#such a mixing bowl of bad traits#I can focus I can’t remember I’m either too lazy or too hyper to stay still I can’t regulate tone well and scare myself constantly just by#talking. relationships always end in a burning bridge even when they were so good bc I get so paranoid and scared they’ll leave that I leave#myself. jumping to crazy conclusions to the point I start hallucinating due to stress#I mean how do I even explain to my therapist that my only good friends ended with me skipping school the last days bc I thought one died.#she actually just left school early.#that one I kinda get even tho it’s fucking nuts bc tjat year has mentally burned me so goddamn much but still#and even tho I’ve kinda had a constant itch that something completely explains why I’m this way but am too scared to bring it up bc of#change and trauma related to bringing up my own mental health#I don’t even know what thsi is anymore sorry#should just shut up and sleep#I’ll be fine by morning anyways so what does it even fucking matter#ruse rambles#vent tag
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This is something I learned at one of the pre-op visits for my breast reduction! My surgeon was basically I think an independent surgeon (as I guess I would imagine is common for “cosmetic”/plastic surgeons?) and she was telling us a little bit about what to do for talking to insurance about the surgery and stuff, and she mentioned that for us going through insurance it would be at a particular hospital, but she also often did surgeries where people didn’t use there insurance, and she did those at some other place, and the price she charged up front was much lower, because that was the actual cost of the surgery (and equipment and everyone’s salaries etc.) and she had to raise the ticket price significantly when people would go through insurance, because the insurance company would negotiate that price down, and then keep some of the money. (Obviously for us and many others it still worked out to be cheaper for us out of pocket to go through insurance, but the amount she made was roughly the same even though it would look like she charged thousands more for my breast reduction than for someone not using insurance)
So, when you get those bills from your insurance after a doctors visit, and there’s that little table that tells you, this is the cost of the visit, this is the discount we got you, this is how much we paid, this is how much you still have to pay?
That line about “we got you this discount” is misleading. They actually caused the provider to raise the initial cost of your care by that amount, or more, in anticipation of the insurance company refusing to pay the full amount so that they could tell you they got you a discount.
"Why does a 15-minute visit with a doctor cost 150 bucks in America???" you're gonna want to read Money-Driven Medicine, by Maggie Mahar, and probably also The Social Transformation of American Medicine, to answer that question. It is not because your doctor is a greedy bastard; your doctor does not see most of that money. It is because the system is broken to a level that is truly impressive in its dedication to making a shit ton of money for insurance company executives and shareholders.
#my doctors visits are always around 3 or 400 for me because they never get billed as physicals because I also need prescriptions filled#and I need to go in 4x a year because adderall is so heavily restricted#and my last visit was actually $700 because they needed to drug test me not even for a real reason but because at the previous visit when#they drug tested me (also for bullshit reasons- to check that I was taking my meds instead of selling them or soemthing)#it came up with a false positive for opioids. which I don’t have access to or interest in and would not have been in my system#(mom’s nurse friend hypothesized that maybe the poppy seeds on the wverythign bagel I probably had for breakfast that morning set it off. it#seems like that’s a pretty common food to have and they should either warn you ahead of time about that or it shouldn’t be sensitive enough#to pick that up)#and insurance was like ‘we got you a $195 discount’ which is bs and ‘we paid $4’ which is even stupider#so now at my next virtual visit I’m gonna have to say hey I know the answer is no because of institutionalized stigma against me that you’re#not willing to push back on but I can’t fuckingn afford to keep paying $1600+ a year for what at this point is a middle man between me and a#pharmacist because I’ve been on this medication for fucking ages and all my other ones could be refilled at a yearly physical#so is there any way we could change things up somehow. and she’s going to say no. and I’m going to be angry and upset about it for days#back when i was at my pediatrician I had to go in every six months which was annoying but I would happily go back to that over four times a#year#but idk if the rules changed or if the rules are different for adults or if my doctor just sucks bc I brought that up early on and she was#like no this is what we do#I mean. I can technically afford it. I have the money I’m not going into medical debt or anything. I live at home with my parents and have#very low living expenses and my checking account is limited primarily by my own standards of how much I’ve decided I want to be putting into#my savings account each paycheck. but when the biggest expense in my life is something that already frustrates me and that I know is exp too#expensive and that I feel I shouldn’t have to be doing anyway and I know I’m being treated unfairly#it just feels so much worse. having to take money out of my savings account wouldn’t be the end of the world. but it feels wrongs#and I only make like $36#lmao I forgot about the commas thing.#like $36k a year so I also am aware that even though I’m in a lucky place where I’m stable that’s not *that* much money and I feel like that#is how I tend to think of things. because I’m not going to live with my parents forever and I’m deeply aware that for most people who have#to pay a rent or a mortgage $36k is the lower end of things and a seven fucking hundred dollar doctors bill is a big fuckingn deal#for a regular fucking doctors appointment#it’s not like I fucking asked to be drug tested they said ‘pay us to look at your pee or else’#it’s all bullshit
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mini skirt | theodore nott
pairing: theodore nott x reader
wc: 3.5k
genre: smut (minors DNI), fluff, best friends to lovers, meddling blaise zabini just coz, they’re in love 🤢🤢, self indulgent im so sorry for the person i am
smut tags: dry humping, coming untouched, (very little) oral sex, come eating, unprotected sex (don’t do this!!), fingering, size kink, breeding kink, bulge kink, cream pie, so much dirty talk oml, big dick theo 😞, reader being shorter than theo, reader wearing a mini skirt, lots of cussing
summary: blaise zabini’s idea of how to play matchmaker might be different from the traditional way of doing it but at least you ended up getting dicked down, so you guess his method works too.
Blaise Zabini's idea of playing match maker is whispering to you —in a not so quiet way, that he'd heard 'Nott's got a big dick' and though you swatted him away. Face disgruntled, mumbling about how you did not want to know about your best friend's private parts. You're terrible enough of a person for your eyes to drop to his crotch when he sat down on the couch opposing yours.
There's a call of your name, once, twice. Before Theodore leaned forward, his voice loud enough for your eyes to tear itself from his thighs to his eyes. You gulped, hoping —hoping that he thought you'd blanked out and just happened to be staring at a very unfortunate spot. "Hmm?"
Theodore's held onto your gaze, lazying back onto his coach. "You okay? I asked if you wanted to head back up but you didn't answer."
"Head back up?" You repeated. "Head where?"
He eyes you suspiciously. "To your dorm?" Theodore gets up from his seat and leans down to crouch beneath you, staring up at you. "Or mine?"
You blink. Mind running in all kind of ideas —save for the ones you knew he meant when he asked you this question. You shift slightly in your side, scanning the Slytherin's common room as the party rage on; it's nothing too big, a get together between all seventh year supplied with alcohol —that Draco definitely did not buy just to impress the golden boy, not at all.
"I'm pretty sure I saw Draco take Harry up to your dorm, and neither of them look like they're exhibitionists." You say off handedly, looking down at him. "Besides, I'm actually enjoying myself here."
And to prove yourself, you get up from your seat; pulling your mini skirt low enough to cover your ass. Theodore, despite having every chance to peer underneath it, remains respectful as he plays with the hem of your skirt. "You are?"
"You aren't?" You ask back, trying not to squirm from the way his finger brushes against your thigh. Salazar this was your best friend for shit's sake, knowing that he could hypothetically have a big dick should not turn you on as much as it was.
Theodore shakes his head, slowly, almost as if he was in a haze as he quietly tells you. "Not really."
"Let's head up then," you tell him, and though both of your voices are low —barely even audible considering how loud Mattheo decided to play his music. Theodore was able to understand you perfectly, picking himself up as he used your waist as his guide. "Come on."
His pinkie finger catches onto yours as he gets onto his feet, him towering over you the slightest bit. And though, Theodore and you leaving a party early to turn in for the night was a sight your friends were used to by now —knowing that nothing ever did came out of leaving the two of you alone to your own devices. Something about how Theodore was looking at you makes them think that that might just change tonight.
But, they regress and bid the two of you goodnight with a few sporting playful frowns on how you never stay with them until the party actually ends.
You only smile, leading Theodore up the stairs to your dorm like every other night. Once in the comfort of your room, you sit yourself down on your bed, patting the spot for besides you for Theodore to take. He did as told, melting into your touch as you brush his hair back. "How much did you drink?"
His eyes are shut, face leaning into the palm of your hand as his own grips onto your skirt, tugging you closer to him. "Just those two shots we took when we first went down."
You hum, letting him pull you to him. "Did you smoke?" Theodore shakes his head slightly, before opening his eyes back up at you. You laugh lightly. "Then what's up with you tonight? I'm always the one dragging us back."
"Just tired, I guess." He murmurs.
"You guess?" You ask him, standing up —letting his hands fall where it'd been trailing up your skirt back to his lap, lingering slightly on what sits above it. "When are you ever not tired?"
Theodore laughs at your words, eyes crinkling as he did so. "When I watch you play quidditch," he says, pushing himself up to press his back against the head of your bed. Watching as you shuffle towards your wardrobe, picking out a pair of sweats along with two shirts he'd left at your room. "Or when you're drunk out of your mind and I'd to have to play pretend as your boyfriend and take care of you."
You snort at his words, picking out a pair of shorts for yourself. "You don't have to pretend to be my boyfriend to take care of me."
"Mhmm," he hums from his spot, lounging lazily as you walk up to his side, the change of clothes in hand. "But it's more affective that way." His hand finds its way to your hips, pulling you closer to him. "And I like it. I like pretending to be yours."
There's a split second where his eyes falters, looking at you almost nervously as he waits for you to respond. "You do?"
"Mhmm," he hums, pushing himself up to sit straight. "More than anything."
It's nauseating to see him look at you —eyes lacking their usual stoic and disinterest to instead be replaced by lust and adoration.
Without thinking twice, you leaned down meeting his lips halfway as your eyes flutters shut. And though seated, Theodore was still tall enough to kiss you back with ease. Letting you melt into the feeling of his soft lips moving slowly and desperately against yours.
"Fuck," Theodore mutters breathlessly, he pushes against your hand; dropping your (mostly his) clothes to the floor. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."
"What?" You giggle, letting him pull you onto his lap. "Kiss me?"
"To kiss you again," He murmurs, attaching his lips back onto yours; a soft whimper slipping out of his lips when his clothed cock brushes against your core through his swift movements.
Fuck, Blaise was not lying.
In between your legs, underneath beige slacks, Theo's giant cock ruts up to you. You gasp into his mouth. "Ah—" you try to catch your breath. "—fuck, Theo. You've been wanting to kiss me since we were thirteen?"
"Mhmm," he hums, long slender hands gripping onto your waist before he slides one underneath your shirt and lays it flat against your tummy. His free hand, resting on your thigh, guiding you down onto him. "You're the only girl I ever want to kiss."
It's silly, you know it is —especially when his cock was pressing into your cunt, only separated by a thin layer of clothing— and yet you can't help but smile up at him, almost giggling when you ask him. " 's that why you asked me to be your first kiss?"
"Mhmm." He's smiling when he kisses you. "Can you blame me?" His tongue licks at your top lips, quick and gentle, trying to gauge on what you tasted like. "Prettiest girl at Hogswart and she was willing to be my first kiss."
His hand moves grips onto your waist, his touch blazing hot. "... Flatterer," you say, a playful pout prominent on your lips.
He chuckles, pressing his lips back onto yours, hand moving from your thigh to tug at your shirt. When you nod, Theodore pulls away just enough for him to take your shirt off and toss it Salazar knows where.
He doesn't even try to hide his staring, canting his hips upwards as he held you down. "Can you feel that?" He asks breathlessly, almost whining as he humps against you. "Can you feel how hard you make me?"
You could only moan, nodding dumbly as you rolled your hips. "Fuck—" he says against your lips, "—how'd you get even prettier, baby?"
And despite how hot —how nauseating it is to feel his boner pressing onto your wet cunt, you can't help but giggle at his words, at how turned on he got just at the sight of your tits. "It's just boobs."
"It's your boobs." He hand goes up behind you, making quick work at the clasps before kissing your chest, licking at your nipples; his hips not halting in its movement. "So so pretty."
His hand slips down, going underneath your skirt to knees at you thigh. "Shirt—" you roll onto him, breathless each time you feel just how hard he was. "—shirt, Theo."
Though incoherent, Theodore still understood you enough to pull his shirt off of himself before attaching his lips back onto you. His tongue glides against yours, swallowing your moans up when he bucks particularly hard.
It’s humiliating how the simple act of humping, combined with Theo’s hand playing with your tits, pinching and rolling your nipple between his long fingers with his tongue exploring your mouth has you writhing on top of him.
"Theo, ah—" you whine, hands gripping onto his shoulders to steady yourself, a familiar warmth building in your stomach. "— wait, fuck!"
Theodore's hips coming to a halt, as he watch you cum on top of him —in awe, without him even having touched you. "Did you just… ?"
You whine, pressing your face against his bare shoulder to hide just how embarrass you were. Theodore pulls you back, looking at you with what you could only assume was love. "Did you just come, baby?"
You nod bashfully, hands going to cover your face just for him to pin both of them down. "So cute, so so pretty." He kisses you roughly, rutting up to you. "Gonna fuck you nice and full, how’s that sound?"
Theodore only frowns when you nod, always having been the talkative one in your relationship. “Words, baby. That sound good to you?”
“Ah!” Your panties stick to your cunt uncomfortably, feeling all too messy when he grinds his cock onto you. “Good,” you whine, “ ‘s good.”
Theodore smiles, pressing a quick kiss onto your lips as a reward. His hand trails down to your thighs, flipping your skirt up before groaning at the sight of his beige slacks soiled by your slick and cum. "Look at the mess you made, didn’t even have to touch you.”
Sliding your panties to the side, Theodore runs two fingers down your slit. "Even your cunt's pretty," he murmurs, bringing his finger up to his mouth to licks at your juices. "You taste even better."
You're pouting as you watch him play with your pussy, fingers pressed onto your clit, going back in for another taste before you finally move down his crotch, just enough for you to palm at his cock.
"Fuck—" he whimpers, hips bucking onto your hand.
Feeling proud you pulled such a reaction out of him, you reach for his belt, lifting yourself up off of him as he helps rid himself of his slacks. Pulling back his boxers, you will yourself not to drool over the sight of his long and thick cock, milky from the precum leaking from its tip.
Your hand moves on its own, wrapping around the base of his hard cock only to find that your hand was too small to wrap all the way around him. "Why didn't you tell me your dick was huge?."
"You want me to —fuck—" Theodore whines, cock twitching in your hand as it begged for you to move. "You want me to tell my best friend about the size of my cock?"
"Yeah?" You move your hands up, thumb running along his tip. "Biggest dick I've ever seen."
"You never told me you had —fuck, baby— never told me you had a perfect cunt either." Theodore moans, the sight in front of him feels like it came straight out of a porno. His best friend and her small hands playing with his cock, tits out with only her tiny skirt stopping him from fucking her into the mattress.
You giggle softly before leaning down to take him inside your mouth. "Fuck!" Theodore choked out, hips roughly thrusting into your mouth. He's too big for you to fit in entirely in your throat and he knows it. And he's too close to cumming in your mouth to keep you were you are.
His hand pulling your head up and away from his cock swiftly. His eyes are shut, head leaning back against your headboard as he breathes heavily.
Your eyes are teary when he opens his eyes back up, and he wills himself not to think about how it's the result of him fucking your face. Theodore brings you up to sit between his legs, kissing you desperately, groaning when he tastes himself on your lips.
Your hand goes back to grab at his length and he whines, pressing his face into your neck and squirms underneath your touch. "Wait, fuck—" his hand goes to stop you, brain going dead as you pumped his cock. "—fuck, fuck wait."
Theodore moves away from your touch, pressing your hand down onto your mattress as he heaves heavily. "Shit— Next time," he whines, "we can do all that next time," he murmurs against your neck, pulling his head away to look at you, he adds: "but I need to fuck you. Please, just let me fuck you. I'll do anything to feel your cunt and fill you up nice and full, please baby."
And when he pleads for you so nicely, who were you to deny him anything? He kisses you again, laying you down on your back, whispering soft thank you’s as he presses open mouth kisses down your body. Slender hands roaming around as he tries to map you out. It's only when Theodore flips your skirt up, ripping away your panties to give himself a full view of your throbbing pussy did you realize what he's about to do.
"Hey, I liked those!"
"I'll buy you more, baby." You're dripping in front of him and he think he might be losing his mind. "Need to eat you out first."
"Thought you wanted to fuck me," you whine, gasping softly when he slides his fingers over your pussy, "why can you play with —fuck."
You pout at him, not expecting him to slide his finger inside you while you talked. "Why can you— ah! —play with me when I can't play with you."
"Not playing baby, just stretching you out," he tells you with a soft smile, leaning over to kiss your pout away. "Not gonna fit unless we stretch you out."
" 's fine," you whimper, feeling him slip another finger in, fucking into you slowly. "it'll fit just fine."
"You sure?" He picks up his pace, long fingers reaching places your own never could. "Don't wanna hurt you."
" 's fine," you moan when he slips a third finger into your cunt, "don't care if it hurts, just wanna feel you."
Theodore pulls out, bringing his fingers to his lips to taste you once more. Moving back up, Theodore grabs at a pillow, placing it beneath your lower back to elevate your cunt. Slowly, he guides his dick into you, gasping at the feeling of his thick head stretching you open.
"Fuck—" Theodore pushes in deeper, pausing when he feels you clenching impossibly tight around him "—your cunt's sucking me in so good."
The burn is delicious, his cock tearing you open from within, stretching you out to take him into you. "So full," you whine, pressing your head into your sheets as he slides in even deeper into you. " 's too much."
"I know, baby," he murmurs, rubbing slow circles onto your thighs, "just a little more, I know you can take it."
You whine pathetically, feeling him fuck the last few inches snuggly into you. "Ah!" He hasn't even moved and you're already breathless, feeling him in your stomach. “Fuck me, Theo. Fuck me nice and full.”
“You want me to fuck your small cunt nice and full?” Theodore pulls out entirely, leaving just his tip in your cunt before roughly thrusting back in, hands on your hips as he pounds into you. "I’ll fuck it nice and full for you, maybe even put a baby in you."
And when your pussy grips his cock at his words, Theodore drives into you even harder. “Put a baby in me, please.”
“Yeah? You want that?” He watches as your tits bounce with each harsh thrust. “You want to carry my baby? Have your pretty tits grow bigger? You want that?”
“Yes,” you cry out, eyes screwed shut, the pain of his cock splitting you open mixing with pleasure. “Yes, ah— want it.”
“Fuck—” Having just about enough, Theodore pushes your mini skirt up your stomach giving him a full view of how well he's fucking his thick cock into you. The mound of your pussy bulging as it makes room for his dick to spear into your cunt.
"See that baby? See how good your cunt’s at taking my cock?" He asks, his hand grabbing yours to press down below your navel. "See how good I'm fucking you?"
You can only moan, crying out his name when he presses your hand down onto the bulge in your stomach, pushing his own dick out of your pussy. "Feel how deep my cock is inside of you?"
“Gonna be so easy for me to breed you,” he murmurs, wrapping your legs around his waist to fuck himself even deeper into you. “Want me to breed you, baby? Hmm?”
You nod desperately, too cock drunk to speak. Jolting when Theodore presses a harsh finger to your clit, circling it as he fucked deeper into you. "Theo, I'm gonna—"
"I know baby," he says, his cock getting impossibly harder inside of you. He presses another finger onto your clit, rubbing tight circles as you squirm underneath him. "Fuck— you're pussy's so good. Need you to come on my cock."
Theodore leans down to kiss you, pushing his length even deeper into you. You moan into his mouth, fucking you through your orgasm, your legs trembling as you try to squeeze him in.
Theodore fucks your cum back into you harder and faster, chasing his own high. One quick glance at his cock coated with your cum, followed by the bulge in your tummy was sends has him rutting into your tight cunt, spilling his warm seed inside you.
Theodore thrusts a few more time just to savor the sight of you spread on his cock before finally pulling out of you. "Fuck Theo," you whined, his cum leaking out of you, making a mess all over your bedsheet. "Were you just never going to tell me your dick is huge?"
Theodore only smiles bashfully, pressing a kiss onto your forehead. "We're still on this?"
"You expect me to not be on this?" You say with a slight pout, Theodore only half paying attention to you as he grabbed a random shirt from the floor to wipe at you thighs. "It's almost like you don't even think of me as you best friend."
"Pretty sure best friends don't go around telling each other about how big their dick is, baby," he replies.
"Blaise can know about your dick size but I can't?" You murmur. "Talk about double standards."
Theodore pauses his movements, hand hovering over your spent pussy. "That fucker."
"Hmm?" You're curious now, confused as to why he was suddenly cursing out your friend. Never having been one to use curse words unless —well, unless he's fucking you.
"He told me that you liked guys who begged," he says with a slight front, going back to cleaning you up nonetheless.
"Is that why you begged to fuck me?"
"No, that was all me," he answers truthfully, ears tinging red in embarrassment,"just wanted to fuck you."
"And they say romance is dead," you say playfully before your eye zeroes into what's in Theodore's hand. "What about the whole breeding thing? And ‘s that my shirt?"
Theodore, freezes with his hands between your thighs, feeling you stare him down as he did so. Slowly, he unravels the shirt he'd use to wipe you clean only to realize that yes, that is your shirt.
"You ripped up my panties, messed up my skirt, tried to put a baby in me, and used my shirt to wipe up your cum," you say, frowning, "I'm never having sex with you again."
Theodore's quick to apologize, peppering your face with kisses, mumbling sorry over and over again. "I'll sneak you out of Oxford street, take my black card with you, how's that sound?"
— from bee: this is my first time writing smut be nice to me 😡
#theodore nott x reader#theodore nott x you#theodore nott scenarios#theodore nott fluff#theodore nott x y/n#theodore nott smut#theodore nott imagines#theodore nott fanfiction#theodore nott fanfic#theo nott smut#🧳: my writing#Spotify
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Ex-husband!Gojo who doesn’t understand that the parents (mostly the moms who try to hide behind their giant sunglasses) at Mio’s soccer games talk, and he chooses today to pull you into his lap. Several sideways glances cast your way at how cozy you both must look as you watch your four-year-old daughter run in the wrong direction across the field because she got distracted by a butterfly.
He doesn’t hear what they talk about—aren’t they divorced? I’ve never seen anyone divorced act like that—or (worse) when they try to be subtle about their probing into Satoru’s dating life while you stand there with a stilted smile plastered onto your face.
(More than likely, he’s listened to every word and doesn’t give it the same amount of thought or care as you do.)
“Gojo,” you hiss, trying to move off his lap to no avail. “I have my own chair.”
“Can you still call me that if it’s your name too?”
A huff. “Go bother somebody else—”
“Shh,” he tells you, tugging you further against his chest. “You’re missing the game. Mio’s finally found her way back onto the field again.”
“But everyone’s staring at us.” You catch the eye of a mother tearing into a pack of fruit snacks.
“So? Let them stare.”
Everyone starts cheering, and you both watch Mio chase the ball down the field, her little body ducking between the taller kids.
“That’s my girl!” Gojo shouts over the other parents.
And then Mio kicks the ball into—
The wrong goal.
“Maybe we should have let her join t-ball,” you whisper, though you both clap as your daughter starts doing not-quite cartwheels in the middle of the field.
Ex-husband!Gojo who still does work around the house every Friday, and to your dismay, shirtless now that the weather is warmer.
The plate in your hands has a few scuffs, half of a cartoon character’s face scrubbed off to oblivion that Mio will have something to say about later. Doing everything to stop from staring out into the yard where he’s mowing the lawn because the window is right there, above the sink, to tempt you.
It’s difficult when his chest glistens with sweat from the early-summer heat and how those stupid gray cotton shorts (that you know he picked out with the sole purpose of torturing you) sit dangerously low on his hips—
He looks towards the kitchen window, a crooked smile stretching across his lips. The blood rushing to your brain, that must be what makes you give a sudsy wave and cause heat to creep into your middle.
Ex-husband!Gojo who strolls into your room while you’re putting away laundry one afternoon, and unsurprisingly shirtless as he crowds you against the dresser. Front to back. His mouth at your ear.
That steady resolve you pride yourself in crumbles at your feet, and you swallow the tiny, helpless sound working its way up your throat. A slippery thing that slips out. “Satoru…”
“You know, these little shorts were always my favorite,” he tells you, his fingers playing with the elastic waistband.
“Were they?”
“Don’t you remember? Couldn’t get them out of the way fast enough.”
Your mouth is dry, something playing in a loop in the back of your brain. Early morning, breakfast cooling on the stove, crumbs stuck to your cheek, these shorts dangling off the leg propped up on the counter—
“Where’s Mio?”
A kiss to your nape, a knowing smile. “Taking a nap.”
Ex-husband!Gojo who works your shorts and underwear off your legs before pulling you to the edge of the bed.
“Satoru, we—we can’t keep doing this—”
Your words trail off into a moan when he slaps your clit with the leaky tip of his cock, and wet sounds echo in the room.
“Yeah? Go on, baby,” he tells you, slowly splitting you open, stuffing you full, two puzzle pieces slotting perfectly into place like it should be (how it’s always been). “Tell me some more why we can’t keep doing this.”
You can’t, not with how he’s filling you up in the way only he knows how. Not when he hooks two thick fingers into your mouth because you’re getting too loud, pinning you against the bed with your cheek buried into your pillow, every sound choking into nothing.
You wriggle underneath him, fingers clawing at the comforter and your back arching.
“Christ, look at you,” he growls, leaning over you, teeth bared. “Fucking look at you. You needed this, didn’t you?”
Ex-husband!Gojo who presses what leaks out back inside you with his thumb after he pulls out, wet and sticky circles between your legs until you fall apart again with a soft cry. His thumb is there again, at your entrance, pushing and stopping like a plug, muttering something under his breath that sounds like, “Can’t waste it.”
And quieter, “Maybe it’ll take.”
(Who knows?
Maybe it will. Worse things have happened.)
Ex-husband!Gojo who stays for dinner for the fourth time that week, and none of the reasons have been because Mio asked if he could. It’s more about the fact that you’ve enjoyed how whole your family feels again, that you can pretend for a moment this is what you do every night.
(How it was probably always going to come back to this.)
That your wedding ring doesn’t sit in the back of your sock drawer, and his isn’t tucked away in his wallet. That you don’t feel guilty when you think about saying I love you or wishing he’d stay longer—
“Daddy, you gonna lose,” Mio tells Satoru as Mario Kart appears on the screen.
“We’ll see,” he laughs, tugging on one of her pigtails until she’s giggling and swatting his hand away.
You lean back against the couch, watching them with a small smile you share with Satoru over your daughter’s head.
#gojo satoru smut#gojo smut#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo imagine#jjk drabbles#jjk x you#jjk fic#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#fem!reader#.things i write
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tides of regret | heeseung
summary: in the year since heeseung first rejected your love confession, you've tried everything to get over him. a trip to europe makes you realize you miss your former best friend more than anything, and it makes heeseung realize he's got it all wrong.
notes: aaand she's here! this is 24.4K words worth of my heart and soul. consider this a token of my appreciation for welcoming me on enhablr. i sincerely hope you enjoy it. <3
deep cuts: #1
warnings: angst/internal self doubt, playful banter, dirty talking, praise, slight degradation, oral (m and f receiving), dry humping, fingering, mentions of exhibitionism and face sitting, nipple sucking, spit, brief moment of anal (tongue only), condom removal, unprotected sex, creampie.
For @enha-stars – may this story rip you apart and stitch you back together.
masterlist
Incheon feels lonely at three in the morning.
The overhead lights being turned off because of the lack of travelers at this hour makes the airport feel bigger than it actually is. It’s too quiet without the familiar sounds of luggage wheels on the linoleum or overhead speakers announcing flight changes every ten minutes. You don’t think you’ve ever been to an airport so early in your life.
It’s quiet enough to leave you alone with your bothersome thoughts. In the years you’ve been away from home as you studied abroad, you can’t help but feel a gravitational pull towards life in Seoul and the people in it. The familiarity of your home outweighs the adventure you once yearned for in your youth, and now you’re left with the exciting notion that, this time, you’ll know when you’ll be coming back.
The terminal has an abundance of seating. Your backpack rests on the seat beside you as Jay double checks the gate number while the rest of your friends find a spot on the seats next to you, attempting to find an ounce of comfort in the dimly lit area.
“I know leaving early saved us hundreds of dollars, but I need sleep,” Sunghoon says from beside you. His usually well kept hair falls in all sorts of places like he woke up without a second thought and hailed a taxi the minute he opened his eyes.
“You’ll thank me later,” Jay says. “We can sleep on the plane.”
“Our flight doesn’t leave for another two hours,” Jake whines from beside him as he yawns. “How am I supposed to sleep on these god forsakes chairs?”
“Quit whining and try,” Jay retorts. He looks behind him to see the rest of your friend group approach before glancing over to you. “Doing okay?”
“How come Y/N gets preferential treatment?” Jake beckons.
“Because she isn’t a nuisance like you,” Jay immediately fires back before diverting his attention towards you again.
“I’m alright,” you say, stifling a yawn behind your hand. “Just cold and sleepy.”
“Hopefully they turn off the damn AC,” Sunghoon says as he pulls his sweatshirt over his head. “I feel like my veins are being injected with ice.”
“It’ll warm up when more people come,” Jay reasons. “I wish there was a coffee stand that was open. I need a cup.”
“I could go for one,” you agree. “I’m trying to stay awake for the next couple of hours so I can sleep on the plane.”
The rest of your friend group appear behind Jay and you look down to check your phone for any notifications when Heeseung catches your eye. It takes you by surprise and you abruptly look back at your screen and busy yourself by aimlessly scrolling through social media as he attempts to occupy the empty seat beside you, but Jake beats him to it.
“I’m gonna freeze to death and then all of you are gonna have to deal with my frozen body.” Jake dramatically slouches down onto the seat until his head finds your shoulder, nuzzling his cheek as if trying to find comfort in you. “Jesus, Y/N, you’re so warm.”
You laugh. “I wore layers.”
“You’re gonna regret that when we get on the plane,” Jake mumbles.
Heeseung, from the corner of your eyes, opts to move to the seats in front of you. You try not to pay him any mind.
You snort. “Yeah, well I can take these layers off while you freeze until you become an icicle.” Jake hums when you let your head fall onto his.
“You know I’m not built for the cold. Australia’s my home.”
“And yet you moved to Korea,” Sunghoon provokes.
Jungwon and Riki are rummaging through the bag of snacks you’d brought for an early breakfast until the restaurants and coffee stands around you open up. Jake’s right, it’s far too cold to stop shivering, but you suppose you’re grateful that the discomfort distracts you from sleeping too early.
“I can’t believe we’re finally going on this trip,” Sunoo says from above you. With your head still on Jake’s, you turn to look at the boy speaking. “I’m really excited for you to show us where you’ve been for the past four years.”
A tiny smile graces your lips. “I’m excited to show you around London and Paris. The latter is a two hour train ride. My friends and I would go every few weekends or so to explore the city. Pictures and videos don’t do them justice.” You sigh as you reminisce. “I really did think that I’d end up living there when I graduated.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Missed home too much, I guess.” You shrug. “Though, I can’t believe Riki went through a growth spurt in the last two years that I was gone.”
“You went back to Okayama before Y/N came back for holiday break, right?” Jungwon asks, looking between the both of you.
“That’s right,” Riki says. “I was sad that I couldn’t see you before you went back to school.”
“Now he’s twice my height.” You gesture at the younger boy. He’s too shy with the sudden affection and chooses to bury his head in Jungwon’s shoulder. “You were so little.”
“Shut up,” he mumbles.
“I can’t believe you’re fluent in English now.” Jungwon pushes Riki off of his arm. “You, Jake, and Jay are kind of scary when you speak English.”
“It was a little hard at first. I used to watch a lot of American cinema so I could understand it better than I could speak it. But I can’t lie, it’s fun being able to talk to them in English.”
“You were so cute trying to string phrases together during your first summer back,” Jay coos. “Texting her in English was funny because she couldn’t understand the difference between spelling.”
“Poor Jake.” You pull your head from his and look down at him. “You probably had aneurysms looking at my grammar.”
You lift your head to see that the aforementioned has fallen asleep amongst the conversation with his mouth slightly ajar and soft snores echoing past your ear. You don’t move when Jay asks if you want Jake off of your shoulder, but you shake your head.
Conversation falls flat when the group unanimously decides that sleepiness is overtaking the need to socialize. Jay keeps checking his watch to look out for the time while your eyes try to look anywhere but at Heeseung.
It’s odd, the way two people can lose a friendship overnight. The heartbreak that came with romantic rejection wasn’t nearly as bad as realizing texts and phone calls were far fewer in between the moment you had arrived back in Europe to finish your studies. It hurt to know that neither one of you felt comfortable enough to see each other when you were back in your hometown unless the two of you were invited to hang out with mutual friends.
Still, seeing Heeseung after he had rejected your confession felt like a punch to the gut.
Long gone were the days of being able to send him unimportant updates about your life abroad or what you were doing at any given summer day back home. You couldn’t ask him to go to the restaurants you used to frequent near his house or yours. You certainly couldn’t call him at random hours because you were bored and missed his voice.
It wasn’t for the lack of trying. It felt like things might've gone back to normal after a short period of not talking, but your texts going unanswered and your calls going to voicemail was all you needed to know.
Perhaps it’s why you’re comfortable spearheading this vacation with Jay, who had made it a point to visit you in London when you’d chosen to stay behind instead of going home for the holiday break. The two of you had never spent time alone prior to then, but it touched you that he’d go out of his way to dedicate an entire day to visit you when he was there for a family vacation.
Coming back to Korea the summer after graduating felt like you were making the right choice, even if your head was telling you to find a home in Europe. Still fresh from your unresolved rejection, stepping off of the plane and knowing you wouldn’t be returning back to your university’s town made the uncomfortable reality of coming face-to-face with Heeseung sink in. You’d have to live with the consequences.
But it’s been eight months since you returned, six months since Jay’s dad was gracious enough to offer you a position on his marketing team, and five months since he encouraged your entire friend group to take a trip to your old stomping grounds.
The proposition felt too sudden, especially with how little experience you had working with his team, but you’d spend an evening with the Park family for him to consider you an honorary member. Though, you’re sure Jay might’ve told him something happened between you and Heeseung, especially after telling everyone you wouldn’t be coming home for the holidays.
To this day, you haven’t uttered a single word to your friends about what happened the night Heeseung rejected your love confession. If you know him as well as you think you do, you don’t think he's told anyone either.
“Cafes are opening up,” Jay notes. Sunghoon’s ears perk up. “Three of us should go get food and drinks while the rest save our seats.”
The airport overhead lights must’ve turned on while you were deep in thought. Jay’s right, the coffee stands have opened and it’s likely due to the new influx of travelers who’ve arrived at the airport. Foot traffic is still light and you know Jay wants to get ahead of the crowd.
Jake has woken up because of the growing murmur around him and lifts himself off of your head to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. He yawns once more but tries his best not to fall asleep again.
“How long was I out?”
“Twenty minutes, give or take,” Sunghoon answers.
“Sorry for sleeping on you,” Jake apologizes.
“It’s okay. You needed it.” He scrunches his face, not used to the new lighting. “Jay, I’ll come with you to get coffee. I need to stretch my legs.”
“I’ll help as well.” Heeseung speaks for the first time in a while and his voice nearly catches you off guard.
“Sure.” Jay gathers everybody’s orders before the two of you follow him around the terminal.
The line isn’t unbearably long, but with Heeseung towering behind you, it feels like you’ve been standing for hours. You shift from one foot to the other in order to find a happy medium to no avail. Jay orders for the group and you pay attention to him more than you care to when you realize Heeseung is now standing beside you to make room for more people to wait in line. He’s considerate like that and you hate it.
When the baristas are finished with your order, you reach for the bag of sandwiches in your haste to escape Heeseung. But your fingers touch the steam and you drop the bag into the counter with a hiss.
“Careful,” Heeseung says. “Don’t get hurt, please.”
Your clumsy nature was always something he teased you for. Heeseung sounds so sincere about his worry that you think you’d rather him pour all of the hot coffee on you instead.
“Thanks.” You grab the bag with so much as a single moment of eye contact before realizing Jay has started walking back.
Breakfast is eaten in silence. Everyone is too tired to speak, save for Jake whose twenty minute nap has rendered him a little more awake than the rest of you. You and Sunghoon share your egg sandwich and chocolate croissant respectively without a word spoken between the two of you.
Meanwhile, Heeseung is staring at the way your thighs are close to Sunghoon’s. He had shifted his body closer to yours in order to form a makeshift table so that sharing pastries wouldn’t result in crumbs on the floor. You can feel Heeseung's gaze on your kneecap and it makes your face flush.
Sunoo and Jake offer to throw everybody’s trash away when you’re all done eating. The airport is in full swing by now and everyone has said their graces and apologized to Jay for giving him a hard time with how early they arrived.
It seems that sleep has threatened to overtake you. You’re waiting in line to scan your plane ticket and board the aircraft, but the sudden warmth of the airport has caused you to yawn a few too many times. Riki’s standing in front of you and his height makes for a perfect makeshift wall to lean on. Or, that’s what your tired brain is telling you, because you slouch forward and let your cheek rest against his back as you close your eyes.
“Sleepy girl,” you hear him chuckle. You merely nod in acknowledgement.
Your comfort is short lived when he softly nudges you because the line has moved. Soon, you scan your ticket and give the airline agent a smile as thanks before waiting to set foot on the aircraft.
Sunghoon notices your dropped shoulders and wordlessly takes your backpack off of you.
“You don’t need to do that,” you say with a frown when you see Sunghoon carrying your belongings with him.
“Let me hold it,” says Sunghoon. “You look like you’re about to fall over with the extra weight.”
“If you insist.”
“Let us take care of you, yeah?” Jay interrupts, bumps his shoulder with yours. “You’ve been running all over Europe these past four years and we’ve only seen you a handful of times. You deserve to relax on this trip.”
“I can’t believe you guys are being so sweet on me. I know that’s ending the second we get back to Korea.”
The two boys laugh. “Well, it’s only fair, I guess. You’re like, the mom friend.”
“Jay is the mom friend.” The aforementioned doesn’t argue.
The squeeze of the aircraft is tight and you’re desperately trying to look for your seat. It seems that Sunghoon is sitting in your row, which excites you, but you’ve come to realize that you’ve obtained the ungodly middle seat. You make peace with it for a brief moment before Heeseung clears his throat awkwardly.
“Let’s switch seats,” he says from behind you. His ticket shows the window seat right next to yours. “I know you hate middle seats.”
“No, I couldn’t ask that of you.”
“You’re not asking.” He says it with a smile and it makes you cower into yourself. “You should move to your new seat so we don’t hold up the line.”
Heeseung suggests it in a way that is reminiscent of the days where he’d give up his sweet treats because you wanted a taste. It tugs at your heartstrings but you don’t have time to think about that when you notice how the plane is starting to fill up.
Reluctantly, you slide into the window seat while Heeseung and Sunghoon follow suit. Your seat belts are buckled and in no time, the aircraft takes flight.
For the next hour, Heeseung looks like he wants to say something to you. The headphones you've brought do well to cancel out the noise, for the most part. You can see from the corner of your eye that he glances at you from time to time, but you ignore it and choose to get comfortable for the long haul.
When you notice the flight attendants come with the beverage cart, you take it as a cue to get comfortable and try to get some sleep for the next few hours. Likely due to the lack of sleep from the night prior, you fall asleep as soon as your head rests against the plane.
You don’t hear Heeseung requesting an extra bottle of water for you.
*✧・゚─────────── *✧・゚
When you come to, you’re barely able to register that it’s time to eat the first meal on the flight. You take your headphones off and put it in your backpack as you blink the sleep out of your eyes.
“Chicken or beef?”
Heeseung looks at you, expecting an answer.
“Hm?”
He laughs softly. “Chicken or beef?”
Your eyes dart between him and the flight attendants when you realize they’re about to approach.
“I heard them asking people which meal they want,” Heeseung explains. “So, chicken or beef?”
“Beef.” You clear your throat.
“Beef it is.”
Sunghoon requests chicken when the flight attendant arrives. Heeseung orders beef for the both of you before you get the chance. If he notices you looking at him strangely, he doesn’t comment on it.
The food comes quicker than expected and the meal tastes decent, though you’re trying your best not to elbow Heeseung as you cut away at your portion. He seems engrossed in the movie in front of him while you peek at what he’s watching—Iron Man, to no one’s shock.
You soften a bit at the nostalgia that comes with Heeseung and Marvel, namely the rainy days in your youth spent marathoning the superhero movies. There had been one year in high school when he’d dressed up as Tony Stark and you as Pepper Potts despite a few girls your age whispering behind your back at the matching costumes out of jealousy. You don’t think you can think of the franchise without thinking of Heeseung.
The memories almost bring a smile to your face. Heeseung seems to notice you glancing at his screen in between bites. You avoid eye contact when you realize he caught you staring and focus on cutting your meal, praying that Heeseung will stop looking at you and watch the movie instead.
But he takes one earbud out and holds it to you.
“Do you want to watch it with me?” He’s halfway through. You tell him such but he doesn’t care.
“I don’t want to jump in halfway through.”
“Come on, it’s not like you haven’t done that before.”
Heeseung says it with such nonchalance that it makes your stomach drop. He sees the way your eyes falter for a moment and the way you glance between his hand and the screen. You try to come up with excuses to refuse his offer, but you’ve got eight more hours until you land.
“Sure,” you settle. Heeseung gives you one headphone and resumes watching.
Between the meals being picked up and tray tables being put away, you manage to fall asleep in your seat. Sunoo sits in front of you and upon coming back from a quick bathroom trip, sees your head resting on Heeseung’s shoulder with his cheek propped on your head. The two of you are fast asleep despite the credits rolling and he can’t help but snap a quick photo.
You wake up some hours later when Sunghoon says your name. The cabin lights turning on temporarily blinds your vision as you wake up when you realize you’d managed to push yourself back enough to rest yourself against Heeseung’s arm.
“Oh God,” you say in shock, pulling yourself and the seat upright. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”
“It’s okay,” he replies, like he means it. “Sleeping on planes is uncomfortable. But I know you know that.”
You nod. “Yeah. It's too hard to get comfortable.”
“I can’t believe we’re spending two weeks in Europe. I’ve never been outside of Korea and Japan before. You’ll have to help me with my English.”
“Jay or Jake can also help with that.” You say it with a yawn and Heeseung’s eyes cast to the floor for a brief moment. You barely notice, gathering your own belongings as the flight descends.
“Yeah, I guess they can.”
When you land, the familiar disorientation of the time difference truly wakes you up. It’s eleven in the morning when the plane door finally opens and Jay’s moving a step ahead of you as he occupies space in the aisle way to grab his belongings. You follow suit and wait for your turn to exit amongst your friends and other travel goers.
Stepping out of the plane and into the familiar terrain of the Heathrow Airport reignites your attentiveness and you smile at the fond memories of being greeted by your university friends upon arriving. The familiar atmosphere of English travelers milling around the gate warms your chest with nostalgia.
You wait for the boys to emerge before signaling Jay, who follows beside you as you walk towards the baggage claim area. You lead him with little trouble down the escalator as the rest of your friends follow suit, yawning in an attempt to wake themselves up.
“It’s weird seeing you in your element,” Jay comments as he stands beside you, periodically checking the turnstile for his luggage. “A good kind of weird.”
“This airport might as well be my second home,” you tell him. “It feels routine to wait for my luggage at this point.”
“I’m tempted to sleep when we get to the hotel but I don’t want to mess up my sleep schedule more than it already is.” Jay pulls his luggage.
“Yeah, that’s smart. I think we should take an hour to freshen up and find a place to eat before we go exploring.”
“I can already hear Jake whining about it.”
The two of you share a laugh. “He’ll just have to get used to it. We can have an early night and rest up before we explore tomorrow.”
“He slept on the plane, for the most part,” Jay informs. “Surprisingly, he didn’t snore as loudly as he usually does.” He spots your luggage and takes it off of the belt for you.
On the other side of the carousel, Heeseung and Sunoo are standing together to find their own luggages.
“You guys looked pretty cozy,” Sunoo comments. “It was nice seeing you two like that again.”
“It felt nice,” he mutters. “I really missed her.”
Heeseung doesn’t have to tell Sunoo what happened between the two of you for him to know that you two aren’t as close as you used to be. The older boy feels nearly ashamed that his own friends have caught up on his awkward demeanor.
“Well, she’s back for good and we’re here on vacation. Try not to dwell on whatever it is that’s making you think too hard.”
Heeeung laughs. “I’ll try, Sunoo. It’s just hard when we’re not as close. How can I compete when we’re in her college town and how will I talk to her in Paris?”
“Well, you never know,” Sunoo says as he picks up his luggage. “Anything can happen in the City of Love.”
*✧・゚─────────── *✧・゚
The hotel itself is modest in size. Quaint, old cobblestone surrounding the entryway like you remember it. The people are busy walking in and out of the meeting rooms in the lobby as you walk to the concierge to sort out the rooming situation. Jay stands beside to help distribute the keys and the employee behind the desk bids you a good stay.
The view from the fifth floor is spectacular already. You catch glimpses of the streets of London below you, street lights decorating the sidewalk and flowers surrounding the city. This feels like the London you remember and it adds a slight pep in your step.
“Alright, it’s decided that three of you are gonna share,” you say as you reach the first room. “The other four will be split into two rooms and I’ll get a room for myself.”
“That’s not fair,” Jake huffs.
“I refuse to share a room with any of you.” You pocket the key to the single bedroom. “Plus, Jay’s mom helped me make the arrangements when we planned the trip.”
“Favoritism,” Jake coughs. You nudge his side.
“To make it fair, everyone will pick up a key card without knowing the room number and flip it. That’ll determine who you room with.”
“Alright,” Jungwon says. “Fair enough.”
One by one, your friends pick their key cards and discover their roommates. Jake, Sunoo, and Riki are the unlucky three who will be rooming together for the duration of the week. Jay and Sunghoon are in the room directly across from theirs while Heeseung and Jungwon share a room.
“Let’s meet at the lobby in an hour,” Jay suggests. “We can get some lunch and do some exploring before deciding on dinner.”
“We can take it easy and sleep early tonight,” you add in. “I know that flying internationally is always a bitch and I try to time my sleep when I need to.”
The eight of you part ways. Your suite has a beautiful view of the sky and the room itself makes you feel like the main character of a romance film. The bed is just to your liking with pillows stacked to the nines. It feels nice to have a moment to yourself. With your friend Yunjin backing out of the trip at the last minute due to family conflicts, you hadn’t had time to think about anything other than arriving at the hotel safely.
You busy yourself with a shower and freshen up, pulling out options for you to wear for the rest of the night. You settle with something stylish yet comfortable and put enough makeup on your face until you’re satisfied with the person staring back at you in the bathroom mirror.
True to your word, you enter the lobby when you said you would. Jay and Sunghoon are already downstairs by the seats. Sunghoon stands to offer you the loveseat but you decline politely and sift through your phone until the rest of the guys arrive.
When they do, it’s like all eight of you collectively agree that hunger has overtaken you. You know of a nearby cafe that serves sandwiches from your days in university. You lead them to the quaint restaurant that has your friends staring at the art on the walls as you greet the cashier and order.
It’s a slow moment for the eight of you as you all eat in relative silence, the sound of quiet slurping audible from the coffees everyone has chosen to drink.
“Did you spend a lot of time here?” Jungwon asks.
“Around the area, yeah,” you say, looking around. The outdoor seating area is just towards the edge of the street with the weather being a cool, cloudy day. “I loved coming to cafe’s like these with my friends after class. We’d study until they kicked us out and then go for a drink or two.”
“We should go to a pub while we’re here,” Jake suggests. “I’ve always wanted to see an English pub. We have a few back in Australia.”
“I know just the place! My friend’s brother owns it and they know I’ll be in town for the next week. It would be nice to catch up with them.”
“Hopefully your friends here kept you out of trouble,” Sunghoon teases. You flick him with your fingers.
“I’m the most responsible one out of you seven and don’t you forget that.”
“Do you miss being here now that you’re back?” Riki asks in between sandwich bites. “God, I love London already.”
“You’re going to choke if you don’t slow down.” He apologies and takes a single bite. “Well, I think I miss my friends a lot. I don’t necessarily miss being in university, but I miss the freedoms that come with it.”
“I still can’t believe you spent four years of your life here,” Sunghoon says. “That’s insane when you think about how you cried when your aunt took you to Tokyo for a week when you were in middle school.”
The boys laugh and you frown. “I was twelve, okay? You wound me. But yeah, I think I grew out of my shell in high school and had this urge to travel but didn’t know how to do it. I was surprised when my parents encouraged me to apply to King’s College, even more so when I got accepted.”
“You’ve always been too good to stay in one place for too long,” Jake says. “We got close until halfway through our first year of high school, I think. I always got the sense that you wanted more than what our hometown could offer.”
“I always wanted to move to the heart of Seoul eventually. But I think I needed to come here in order to figure that out.”
“Would you really have stayed in London if you had the chance?”
You avoid looking at Heeseung, whose attention averted from his phone to you.
“I don’t know,” you say honestly. “But what I do know is that I’m happy to be back in Korea and I’m happy to be traveling to Europe.”
“You always did have that sense of adventure,” Heeseung says. “I remember you were the one who always got us in trouble when we explored a little too far.”
“Your mom was pissed that time I walked a little too far down the shoreline when we went to Jeju.” The memory feels warm despite your discomfort at having Heeseung’s eyes on you. “I didn’t know who she wanted to kill more, me or you.”
“Definitely me. You could do no wrong in her eyes.”
“What happened?” Sunoo asks.
“My family and Heeseung’s took a trip to Jeju Island when we were around seven, if I remember correctly. I’d taken swimming lessons and thought I could show off my new skills at the beach we were at, but there was a wave that was a bit too much for me to handle.”
“She was nearly swallowed by the ocean.” Heeseung hits his knee with his palm as he recalls the memory. “I mean, I was seven and it seemed like the wave was gigantic but to my mom, it must’ve been just tall enough that she could see over it.”
“She yelled at him for the rest of the night because she had to pull me out from under the water,” you add. “I was fine. My parents laughed it off but his mom was so pissed at him for not telling me to come back to the shore.”
Echoes of laughter fill the space. It feels nice to be able to laugh like this with Heeseung, temporarily forgetting why you were so awkward around him in the first place.
When the check is paid, you lead the group around the area. Sunghoon takes out his camera and captures everything that inspires him while Sunoo and Riki are off to explore the shops around. It brings warmth to your chest to see your friends enthusiastically exploring the space you once called home. It had been a dream of yours since Jay came to visit and let you drag him around town for the day. Having them with you feels like you’re healing a part of yourself.
You duck into the quiet bookstore you used to frequent while you were a student. Filled with novels and trinkets from floor to ceiling, it feels familiar to you.
You get lost in thought when you glance at the books in front of you and you don’t notice Heeseung approaching.
“Still love books?”
“Jesus,” you gasp, clutching your chest. “You scared me.”
“Sorry,” he laughs. “Seems like you still scare easily.” You hate that he knows you so well. Clearing your throat, you put the book back.
“Yes, to both. I used to come to this bookstore a lot when I had free time.”
He looks around. “It looks like a nice place.”
“They have a reading nook in the back. The owner is this sweet older woman who was the first person to help me with my English when I first moved. I think she let me read books for free because I used to bring her sweets.”
“That sounds like something you’d do.” You cast your eyes to the floor. “It’s crazy that there’s parts of you that I don’t know.”
“Yeah,” you mumble solemnly. Heeseung’s eyes bore into the side of your face as you pretend to look at the titles of the books.
“Do you talk to your college friends often?”
“All the time. My closest friends live all over the place. Two of them are from the area, one went to live in the States, and a few live in Busan.”
“I’ll bet it was nice to have some Korean friends when you moved. I remember you used call me to tell me about your first semester here.”
You can’t help but think about the first few months after you moved when you would call Heeseung for a bit of comfort when things felt too overwhelming. With Korea being nine hours ahead, you always felt a little too bothersome phoning when it was the middle of the night for him, not used to the time difference. But he always answered you or called back when he had the chance.
You’d spend hours on the phone, talking to him about how difficult it was to learn English and how making friends was not as easy as you thought it would be. Navigating the city felt lonely and isolating because you’d barely made friends in your classes in the first few weeks. Heeseung was there through all of it, reminding you that being eighteen years old in a new country made you brave despite feeling like you were a failure for not grasping a hold on life like you thought you would.
Falling asleep on the phone with him became a routine, too. Whether it was you who fell asleep after a long day or Heeseung, who had stayed up listening to your worries, the sound of his breathing made it feel like you were back home in Korea instead of exploring a grand new world.
Soon enough, you could talk your way around and piece together conversations with your classmates until you’d found friends who shared similar interests. Heeseung was the first person you told and the first person to tell you how proud he was that you extended your roots to learn about yourself away from home. You always thrived off of his praise as if making him proud was something you never sought out to do, but appreciated when it happened.
But that was four years ago. Whatever friendship you had with him then is not the one you have with him now.
“It was nice,” you settle. “I miss my college friends. You might get to meet some later in the week.”
“Nice,” he mutters to himself when you walk past him. “That’s really nice.”
*✧・゚─────────── *✧・゚
The rest of the week is spent in your old stomping grounds, from touring your campus, to shopping, to sightseeing. The eight of you split up more often than not to explore different areas based on mutual interest. You find that Heeseung tends to gravitate towards you and you aren’t sure if it’s because he feels guilty for rejecting you or because he genuinely wants to explore what you want to do.
Still though, at least one other person joins you. It feels nice to have a buffer to avoid any awkward conversation or moments, especially when Heeseung trips over his words trying to talk to you.
The week goes by too quickly for your liking. Spending time in London has felt like coming back home, in a way. You’ll always have your memories here and this city will remain the same when you return in the future. Now, it no longer feels like the place you escape too because things got too hard back home.
Even with Heeseung next to you more often than not, you’ve found a happy medium The awkwardness dissipates when you set aside your indifference to show everybody your favorite places, watching them explore the city for themselves.
As expected, Riki and Jake have spent a little too much on clothing with the hopes that they can fit it into their luggage on the way back. It fits miraculously.
Your friend Leo, the one whose brother owns the pub you used to frequent, tells you he’s excited to see you after all these months. It’s a Friday night when you arrive, seeing it well populated. But it’s rather early in the evening before the rush hour, so you enjoy the relative quietness before people rush in.
Heeseung, on the other hand, has been in a stupor for the latter half of the week. It began when he managed to talk to you in the bookstore, but blossomed when he watched you navigate your way around the city. You barely looked at your phone for directions and had no problem switching to English when you greeted shop owners. Hearing you speak fluently in a language you once struggled with in your childhood made him feel somewhat removed from your life. The two of you used to joke that he was always better with English. Now, the tables have turned.
The fear that you’d told your school friends about what transpired between the two of you plants itself in the back of Heeseung’s mind. He worries that your friends won’t like him and that you’ve scorned his name, but he chides himself just as much as he worries because he knows you and how deeply you care about people.
Heeseung wishes he could go back in time to change what happened. He wishes that he’d admit his mistake and confess to you before you left. It had taken him a long time to confront his own feelings, but seeing you back in Korea made him realize he didn’t care if the relationship was long distance or not. He didn’t care as long as you were in his life.
The months spent apart without phone calls or texts were agony. He loathed hearing what you were up to from your mutual friends or when he accidentally watched your Instagram stories. Seeing you happy without him made his heart lurch, not out of possessiveness, but because he wished you were comfortable enough to share those moments with him.
To boil it down, Heeseung hopes this trip can undo a year’s worth of his ignorance.
But before he can think about that, your exclamation pulls him towards a strange man before you.
“Leo!”
The sheer volume of your voice doesn’t go unnoticed by Heeseung, who eyes the bloke the second you make a dash for him. His heart winces when your arms wrap around the stranger’s neck and as he spins you around, squeezing you for good measure. He isn’t pleased when Leo settles to let his arm rest around your waist instead of letting you go. He’s even less so when you don’t attempt to separate yourself from him.
“Hey, pretty girl,” Leo says with a boyish grin, accent making Heeseung nearly roll his eyes.
“This is Leo.” You let your head rest on his shoulder for a brief moment. “He’s one of my friends from university. I think we met in, what, second year?”
“Second year, auditing class with Professor Donahue on Mondays and Wednesdays,” he says. “God, that class was so boring.”
“He’s the friend whose brother owns the bar,” you explain to them. You introduce Leo to each friend respectively. “Jay and Jake are my friends who are fluent in English.”
“You can speak it and understand it as well, right?” Leo asks as he shakes Heeseung’s hand.
He nods while giving him a tight smile. “Just a little. I’m practicing.”
“Nah, you sound perfect already.”
Heeseung feels indifferent to see you in your element with people from your past. The bartender, who is Leo’s brother, tells you the first two rounds are on the house after he checks IDs. Riki and Jungwon are excited to have their first pub experience after you make them promise to take it slow and drink lots of water in between.
“It’s a bit weird seeing her be like that,” Leo says to Jay with a laugh. “When we first got to know each other, it was me who had to tell her to watch how much she drank.”
“Y/N, drinking?” Jake asks. “No way. Back in Korea, she got drunk maybe twice a year.”
“She and a mutual friend, Elizabeth, were as thick as thieves. They were like a package deal before we all graduated and until she moved to the States. They’d always go a little too hard after exam season was over or if people invited them out on a Saturday night.”
“Y/N’s always been the responsible one out of the bunch,” Jay adds. “In high school, there was one time she got so drunk that she nearly scaled the roof of my friend’s house. Heeseung nearly fell off trying to get her down. After that, she swore off alcohol.”
Heeseung makes a few comments in the conversation as he watches you catch up with Leo’s brother and as you facilitate conversation between the rest of the guys. There’s a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realizes there’s a lot he doesn��t know about you.
The two of you talked less as you became more comfortable in your environment. At first, Heeseung took it to heart and made the assumption that you’d chosen your friends in England over him, but a stern conversation with his mother made him realize he was being juvenile. He could only comfort you so much when he was oceans away. It was probably a good thing that you were talking to him less because that must’ve meant you were as overwhelmed or scared like you were when you first moved to England.
You’d still call him a few times a week before bed–when Heeseung was getting ready for the day–to update him on everything that happened in the past week. You two texted more frequently than you conversed, sending him pictures of new places you’d discovered or him sending photos of your mutual friends with sad faces at the notion of you not being able to be there with them.
Heeseung had always felt a bit jealous of your time abroad. He loved Korea, but he yearned for the same sense of adventure you once had. Only, he hadn’t figured it out until halfway through university when it was too late to transfer or apply for a semester abroad. When Jay had proposed this trip and that his father would expense half of it, he jumped at the opportunity to go.
Although, he didn’t know it would hurt him this much.
Hearing you talk about your life here made him feel like it was his fault that he barely knew your life in England. It was so easy when the two of you lived a few blocks from each other; he’d run into you with your other friends on the street or know exactly where you were likely to be at any given moment. He knew you felt the same way about him too, as you always knew where to find him if you really needed him.
But it feels like this is the first time he’s seeing you for who you are as an adult, not the child that he grew up with.
Surely, Heeseung always knew you had a good head on your shoulders. You were always the more outspoken one who stood up for what you believed in, no matter how big or small. You never backed down if someone was giving you a hard time and it was one of the reasons why Heeseung had struck up a conversation with you as you two played in the sandbox after a few kids had stolen the toys he was playing with. That sense of responsibility and gratuity followed you into your adolescent and teenage years, too. Not once had Heeseung heard anyone say a bad word about your character. He’d like to think he had something to do with it, but deep down, Heeseung knows it was all you.
When you confessed nearly a year ago, Heeseung felt like his heart might’ve ceased to function properly. Truth be told, he’s never taken his daydreams about being your boyfriend too seriously. He always wondered if it was normal to develop small crushes on your girl-friends at a young age and wondered if those butterflies in his stomach was because of how often his other friends at school would playfully tease him until they stopped. Jake and Sunghoon had been people who teased him for having a girl as his best friend until they befriended you too, and Heeseung was satisfied when they stopped with their comments. They, too, could understand why Heeseung was so keen on keeping you around.
But the butterflies never quite left him. Your smile was too bright. Your voice was too angelic. Everything about you and how you fit into his life felt a little too perfect; Heeseung hated cliches in his youth and this felt like one big cliche joke. He knew his mother didn’t approve of the girls she’d see him with, even in college when he got into his first serious relationship. She wasn’t as enthusiastic about her as she was with you. At the time, the frustration seemed too biased until it ended in a way that made Heeseung realize his mother truly knew what was best for him.
Heeseung never considered the possibility of dating you until you confessed your feelings for him.
As much as he plays off being the spontaneous, go-with-the-flow type of person, Heeseung gets scared when things go unplanned. He backs away from courage and from moments that make or break his character. He likes to play it safe unless he can make a calculated risk in his favor, choosing to let others fall flat on their face and learn from their mistakes. Heeseung had never considered the possibility of you having feelings for him either. That fateful summer night is one he will always remember, especially in the way the light in your eyes dimmed when he told you he didn’t feel the same.
He remembers your quick apologies and the way you backed away too quickly for his liking. He had tried to reach for your hand to tell you it was okay and that he didn’t feel awkward about it, but you’d shook your head and merely told him you’d see him later. Heeseung had never seen you leave so abruptly. But he figured you’d get over it, as you typically do when things don’t go your way. You’re resilient like that.
Heeseung assumed you needed time to heal from the awkward encounter and hadn’t reached out to you for a week. He didn’t think much of it at the time and hadn’t made plans with you until he realized you’d be leaving for Europe the week following. By then, it had been too late, because he stopped by your house the morning after you left.
Getting together with Seulgi after you left felt too easy. He knew she’d always had a thing for him but brushed her off for reasons he couldn’t fathom until he bumped into her a few weeks after you’d left without so much as a text or a voicemail. Feeling a bit irritated at your wordless departure, Heeseung took Seulgi out on a few days to take his mind off of you.
Except, it didn’t work. Heeseung found himself fantasizing about what it would be like to go out to dinner with you when she was sitting in front of him. When she’d texted him to thank him for his time, Heeseung imagined the kind of things you would say after your first date. When he kissed her for the first time underneath the twinkling lights of a local fair, Heeseung pictured you as he closed his eyes. The fantasy was ruined when Seulgi’s perfume touched his olfactory senses, pulling him back into reality. The guilt of kissing somebody who wasn’t you ate at his chest the moment he saw Seulgi smile at him from where he stood.
He tried his best with her but broke it off when the unrest overtook his mental wellbeing. It was amicable, for the most part. All Heeseung knows is that his parents (along with all of his friends) were happy that he hadn’t continued with that relationship.
“Y/N used to talk a lot about you, Heeseung,” Leo says, bringing the aforementioned out of his thoughts. “We’d be out at dinner or something and she’d always run outside to answer your calls.”
“Really?” Heeseung says out of surprise. He didn’t know you did that.
“You bet,” Leo replies. “She talked a lot about Korea when we’d hang out with our friends but she seemed to talk about you the most.”
Heeseung wonders if you told him about what happened between the two of you the summer before you left.
“I’m flattered.” Heeseung honestly doesn’t know what else to say. He chooses to tell the truth. “I missed her a lot. I grew up with her living a few blocks away. It felt weird not to be with her when I went to college.”
“Y/N said the same thing. Every time she’d be homesick, she’d tell us she needed to call you.” Leo’s words bring a warm flush to Heeseung’s face but he chooses to blame it on the alcohol.
“I heard my name,” you say as you walk to where they’re sitting. “Not talking shit about me, my dear Leo?”
“Never,” he teases. “Although, I’m sure I still have some pretty photos of you and Elizabeth at this very pub.”
“Oh God, please don’t.” You push his shoulder when he moves to reach his phone. “Those do not need to see the light of day and you definitely need to delete them.”
“How else am I going to blackmail you?”
“You’re the worst.” You look cute when your nose is a bit red from drinking. You always did suffer from redness to the face when you drank. “I can’t believe Elizabeth and I let you into our friend group.”
“Hey! I was the one who introduced you to her in the first place.”
“I’ll bet if I texted her right now, I’d have it in writing that she’d choose me over you.”
“Okay, you don’t need to do that because she definitely would.”
The group laughs and conversations flow nicely as a few other friends from your university days join you later in the evening. It feels like a reunion, of sorts. It feels especially wonderful to have most of your favorite people under one roof despite the slight language barrier. But everyone seems to get along well enough, especially Riki, who has taken a liking to your Japanese friend you met on your first day of orientation.
When the room gets too hot, you make your way outside where you’re fenced in by a metal barricade. It’s cold outside, but the alcohol running through your veins keeps you warm enough that you decide not to go back to ask for a jacket. Heeseung wants to follow you but stays still in his seat when he sees Sunghoon exit the door after you leave.
The wine in your hands is still halfway full. You’ve decided that you’ve taken the lead far too many times this week and that Jay can handle getting everyone home. It’s your fourth drink of the night, just enough to keep you buzzed for the duration of your time at the pub.
You register the door sliding open and make room for Sunghoon when you spot him over your shoulder.
“Your friends are really nice,” he comments, leaning on the railing next to you.
“They’re the best,” you say with a fond smile. “I owe them a lot. I only started enjoying my time here when we became friends.”
“You know, I was a little worried that you wouldn’t be happy when you moved to London for the first time.”
“What makes you say that?”
“I think a lot of people would describe you as brave and as someone who will dive in head first to things that scare you, which is true for the most part. But I think people rarely pay attention to the vulnerable side of people like you because it looks like you have it all together.”
“I was a total wreck when I first moved,” you said. “I don’t know if you remember the few times I called you when Heeseung wasn’t able to pick up.”
“Oh, I remember. That was the first time you cried to me and now you have no issue getting your snot on my sweaters.” You swat his arm at the joke but he dodges you just in time. “I remember Yeji getting worried about you too. She was so young and always said she wanted to be brave like you.”
“Sweet girl,” you say.
“The two of you are similar. I watch out for her a lot, you know? Our relatives always think she puts on a brave face and don’t think twice when she talks about her fears. They always tell her she’ll be fine, but it’s hard to actualize that when you don’t believe it.”
“I thought about coming home a few times when things got really hard,” you confess. “I was out of my depth because I couldn’t speak English very well. I could only speak fragments and getting my way around campus was so hard.”
“I don’t know how you did it, if I’m being honest. But I’m glad that you stuck around long enough to see what your life would be like.”
“Me too. I’d really love to think I’ve become a better person now that I’ve gotten the chance to know myself beyond the comfort of my home, you know? I love you guys and I love my family, but sometimes being back in Korea felt like I was listening to what was expected of me instead of what I wanted.”
Sunghoon laughs. “Yeji said the same thing a few weeks before we left for London. Part of me thinks she’s considering studying abroad. I found a few college brochures in her room.”
“Don’t you know better than to snoop inside your sister’s bedroom?”
“Yah,” he says. “Yeji steals too many of my sweaters and she said I could get them back.”
“You’re just too easy to make fun of, Hoonie.”
A comfortable silence passes over the both of you. The audible sound of people talking amongst themselves and the beautiful lights of the city illuminate what makes London so beautiful. It isn’t until Sunghoon speaks that you pull yourself out of your daydreams.
“I heard you that night,” Sunghoon confesses.
“What are you talking about?”
“The night of the bonfire.I know you told Heeseung you liked him.”
You turn your head to him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I figured you’d tell me whenever you felt ready,” he says with a shrug. “You went back to London a couple of weeks later and I wanted to spend time with my friend. There never seemed to be a right time.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and balances from one leg to another. “You looked really sad, Y/N. I’ve never seen you look that way before.”
There’s a beat of silence.
Sunghoon listens as you sigh and you push yourself from the railing. Your back touches the cold metal as you look beside yourself to see him.
“I deluded myself into thinking Heeseung might’ve felt something for me too,” you admit. “It’s not that girls and boys can’t be friends, but towards the end of our friendship, it was like something shifted.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’d…touch me longer. Hugs, pulling me by my waist at parties, lingering near me at Riki’s bonfires, that kind of thing. He started playing with my fingers a lot more. Heeseung never used to touch me like that. He’d interrupt conversation with guys to pull me away. I always knew what he was doing but I liked him so much that I didn’t care if he interrupted a good thing between me and someone else.”
Sunghoon purses his lips and watches as you look ahead at the glass doors to see your friends laughing. “I noticed that too.”
“When we were alone, it felt like he was one sentence away from telling me he loved me more than a friend. Not that platonic crap that the eight of us tell each other, but the deep shit where that kind of love comes from kindred souls.”
“Heeseung’s too stupid to see what’s good for him anyway.” Sunghoon pulls a laugh out of you and he’s glad to hear it.
“But then I confessed to him the night of that bonfire.” You bite your lip at the memory, willing yourself not to tear up. “I mean, you heard him. He told me he didn’t feel the same way and didn’t want to ruin our friendship because it was perfect as it was.”
“And then you heard he’d gotten together with Seulgi.”
“Yeah.” You nod once and look down at your drink.
“They weren’t together long,” Sunghoon says. “She wanted more but he didn’t want to give that to her. The boys were confused because he seemed to be really happy with her until he broke it off so sudden. I always thought it was because he felt too guilty after rejecting you.”
“What did the guys think?”
“Riki hated her. I have a feeling it was because she wasn’t you, though. I think Sunoo, Jungwon, and Jake were surprised when he’d gotten together with Seulgi after you left and were trying to be nice about it. Jay was indifferent, but then again, you two weren’t as close as you were with the rest of them until he visited you while you were away.”
“Did his opinion change?”
“Definitely. Heeseung had a period of time in the new year where he went on a couple of dates with her, telling us he might’ve made a mistake by breaking things off too soon.” Sunghoon shakes his head as he tells the story. “Jay was unbelievably pissed.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know how he gets when he’s angry. He’s quiet and doesn’t talk until he’s calm. But it was like a volcano erupted, or something. Jay came back mid January to find out Heeseung had been seeing Seulgi for a couple of weeks and completely lost it on him. He said things about not knowing a good thing if it spat in his face and how he ruined every chance of happiness because of his own doing.”
“Wow…I didn’t know Jay said that.”
“It was scary. Heeseung tried to fight back and say it was his life and that Jay didn’t have a right to say what he could and couldn’t do, but the poor guy never stood a chance. Jay asked him if he would be happy if you came back to see him dating Seulgi and that shut him up real quick.”
“What do I have to do with it?” you ask. “He rejected me before I left.”
“I don’t know,” Sunghoon says truthfully. “I always thought that Heeseung was trying to redeem himself through Seulgi. But I guess we’ll never truly know.”
“It’s been almost a year,” you reminisce. “You’d think I would’ve gotten over him by now after spending time in Europe with, well, other boys.”
“He’s not just any guy who rejected you,” Sunghoon says. He looks out at the street, finding the words to say. “You two had been best friends since before me or the guys got to know either of you. There’s a special kind of bond between people who grew up together, you know?
“I think a large part of you misses being friends with him. Sure, rejection always stings, but it’s knowing that you don’t have your best friend that hurts you more.”
“Jeez,” you chide. “You always know how I feel.”
Sunghoon laughs. “I’m just observant. I know that it’s hard to be on this trip because Heeseung’s trying to be that friend you once knew. He probably feels guilty for giving you the cold shoulder during your first few weeks back in Seoul.”
You roll your eyes. “Yeah, well he’s not doing a great job showing it. Life would be easier if he left me alone.”
“But do you want that?”
You cast your eyes to the floor. “No, I don’t.”
Satisfied with your answer, Sunghoon nods.
“You know, I knew Heeseung had feelings for you the night we played spin the bottle just before we graduated high school.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Hoon. He never liked me.”
Sunghoon shakes his head. “Do you remember what happened that night?”
“Vaguely. I remember that being my first time trying alcohol and Jake having to cut me off when I couldn’t walk straight.”
He nods. “When you were sober enough to string a few sentences together, some girl suggested playing spin the bottle. When it was your turn to spin, it landed on me.”
You make a face. “Ah. I do remember kissing you.”
“Well you don’t have to look grossed out,” Sunghoon teases. “Everyone knew it was awkward because we’d been friends for like, five years at that point. We were both so flustered that the kiss lasted for maybe two seconds before everyone cheered.
“Heeseung was pissed. I saw him looking at me like I’d killed his family, or something. I swore I could see steam coming out of his ears. He wouldn’t talk to me for a week because I’d been your first kiss.”
“Seriously?”
“Dead serious.” Sunghoon laughs at the memory. “He wouldn’t answer my texts. In the group chat we were in, he’d acknowledge everyone but me. It wasn’t until a week later when we were all hanging out that I told him there was nothing between us and it was awkward to kiss you in front of our friends.”
You stand there, dumbfounded. “Huh.”
“I’ve never told anyone that,” he confesses. “I doubt anyone remembers us kissing except for him. I assumed this would be a story I’d tell you and the guys when you both eventually got together.”
He murmurs an apology. “It’s okay, Hoon. I’m glad you told me. I guess I’m just…confused. Why did he reject me if he allegedly liked me?”
“I wish I knew. He was miserable when you left and refused to talk about you moving back to Europe for your final year abroad. Heeseung was really sad when he found out you weren’t coming home for Christmas break.”
“I couldn’t bear to see him. I was so heartbroken and the friends here tonight were consoling me in the way they knew how. I knew I’d be a depressed wreck if I came back home.”
“That makes sense,” Sunghoon affirms for you. “I’m glad you met up with Jay while he was here, though. You got some kind of Christmas gift from home.”
“Me too. I feel like Jay and I got closer because of it. I knew he could tell something was off but he didn’t say anything about it. Something tells me he knows more than he cares to say.”
“You know Jay.” You both nod. “More observant and caring than the rest of us. Part of me thinks Heeseung’s jealous of your new friendship with him since the two of you basically planned this whole trip on your own.”
“Well, Jay has more international travel experience and his dad knows the right people,” you say with a shrug. “I spent four years of my life here. It makes sense.”
“To us, yes. To Heeseung? I think his feelings cloud his judgment.”
“He never used to confuse me,” you admit. “We used to talk about how much we hated when people made us guess how they felt or what they were thinking. We always said it was unfair if you make people you love, make you guess their intentions. But he’s doing that to me and it’s been driving me insane.
“Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve kept my mouth shut. I watched him date girls in high school. I watched him with what I thought would be his first serious girlfriend during our first year of college before he went through that short hookup phase. God, that hurt me so bad and I couldn’t say anything because it wasn’t my life.”
“For what it’s worth, I think it was brave of you to confess to him,” Sunghoon tells you. “I don’t say that as a cheap cop out to make you feel better either. You know me, I’m really sentimental about things even if I don’t come off that way. To confess your feelings to someone who you love…one can only hope to hear that someday.”
You nudge your shoulder with his. “You say that like you didn’t have girls begging for a date.”
Sunghoon laughs and you know what he means.
“You’ve always been the bravest of all of us,” he continues. “I think the reason why I wanted to be friends with you when we were kids is because you didn’t take bullshit from people. I was too shy to stand up for myself between my career as a figure skater while trying to be a normal kid. You and Heeseung offered that kind of normalcy. I could see you two in the bleachers at my competitions and then we’d go out for ice cream like it was any other day.”
“Well, now you’re going to make me cry.”
“I mean it, Y/N. You’re a great friend and a great person. I hope Heeseung hasn’t fucked things up too bad that you leave his life for good.”
You shiver. “Me too.”
“Talk to him,” Sunghoon advises. “Do it before we leave. You’re removed from your life back home.” You open your mouth to refute but he beats you to the chase. “If it doesn’t work out, then you’ll know your answer when you go home and you can resume your life without Heeseung in it.”
Sunghoon leaves you alone with your thoughts but makes you promise that you’ll join the group soon.
*✧・゚─────────── *✧・゚
When you walk back into the pub, Jake clouds your personal space before you can even think about ordering another drink.
“Jesus, Hoon. Couldn’t you have offered Y/N your jacket if you guys were gonna be out that long? Poor girl looks like she’s about to freeze to death.
Jake’s affinity for the dramatic never ceases. Your friends look at your goosebumps and the way you’re acclimating to the warmer temperature inside while Sunghoon merely rolls his eyes.
“I’m fine,” you say. “We only came in because I started to get cold.”
“Let me get my jacket for you,” Heeseung says as he rises from his seat.
“No.” You’re sure you say it too abruptly, but you can’t bear the thought of wearing his clothes after the conversation you just had. “I’m fine, honestly.”
“Stop being stubborn and wear a damn jacket,” Leo chides, wrapping his coat around your shoulders. “You have this habit of never bringing one when you need it and it drives me crazy.”
“But that’s what I have you for, don’t I?”
As you tug the material closer to your body, Sunghoon watches as Heeseung stares at Leo with a hard expression.
“Not when you’re back in Seoul, you goof.” Leo takes your empty glass. “I’m glad you have these guys back at home. They seem really good for you.”
“I love them a lot.” You say it so tenderly with your head tilted as you look at the boys you’d call family, only for them to coo at your clearly vulnerable, inebriated state.
“My mother, my older sister, and best friend,” Riki says with a hiccup as he engulfs you in a hug. “Seriously, I would be dead in a ditch without you.”
“I don’t know a better person,” Sunoo chimes in from where he’s seated.
“There was one time where Y/N had this lemon phase where she couldn’t stop drinking lemonade or eating lemon candy,” Jake tells the group. “Now I think of her every time I see something yellow.”
“That’s kind of fitting though, isn’t it?” Leo asks. “Yellow for sunshine.”
Everybody agrees and it makes your cheeks and neck warm up. You hide yourself in Leo’s jacket, but God, Heeseung wishes he could hide you in his arms instead.
Still, he can’t help but agree with Leo. If there’s any truth to his words, it’s that you are made of pure, unfiltered sunshine.
*✧・゚─────────── *✧・゚
The next morning, all eight of you board the train for a two-hour ride to Paris. For the next five days, you’ll be acting as a tourist rather than tour guide, for the most part. Jay volunteers to take the lead since you did most of the heavy lifting in London. You do, however, chime in to give him a few recommendations from your prior visits to the city.
Sunghoon’s advice plagues your thoughts, so much so that Jungwon has had to guide you out of the hotel and into the cab before arriving at the train station. Both he and Sunoo look a bit worried about you, but you wave them off and tell them you had one too many to drink. You know they don’t believe you but you’re grateful they don’t press on.
Paris is much more beautiful than you remember it, and it’s likely due to the fact that you’re here on vacation, not because you wanted a weekend getaway to escape the stress of midterms and exams. The people are just as indifferent as ever. You’re able to practice some of your basic French to order coffee and pastries for everyone. It’s a feat that leaves Heeseung impressed and you try not to acknowledge him when you see his jaw drop.
The hotel itself is more beautiful than the last. You have the room with the balcony and double doors leading to a breathtaking view of the buildings and streets below. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen, even if the streets are littered with trash and the people are a bit too loud. It still feels charming.
The rooming situation is the same as London, with you in the single room and the rest of the boys to fend for themselves. This time, Jungwon, Jay, and Sunghoon are sharing the three bedroom with Heeseung and Jake sharing another, and Sunoo and Riki in the other double. The hotel must’ve miscalculated the rooming situation and put your single room at the end of the hallway away from the others, but you aren’t complaining.
The first few days are filled with happiness and dread, namely when you see Heeseung as you begin your day. He has a knack for making you laugh until you come to the notion that you really shouldn’t be finding his jokes very funny because he doesn’t deserve that kind of reaction from you.
In fact, he doesn’t deserve your attention after ignoring you for as long as he has. Seeing Leo again brought up memories of crying in his flat with Elizabeth and drinking too much wine to forget the pain temporarily. Your friends invited you to a night spent in the pub after Leo begged his brother to close it for the night so that you could have a free space to drink and talk about Heeseung until your voice gave out.
Your irritation carries over and Heeseung can tell when you move away from him when he tries to stand next to you. He’s hurt but he tries to understand that you have a right to be, even if he knows in his heart the reasons why he acted the way he did. He just needs to find time to talk to you, even if the conversation doesn’t end the way he hopes it will.
With two days left on the trip, you’ve eaten your way through the streets of Paris and have done your fair share of shopping. Each of the boys had bought you a small token of their appreciation (Heeseung paid for your latte, Jay purchased a small wallet from Prada, Jake gifted you new sunglasses, Sunghoon a charm for your bracelet, Sunoo a bowl of pasta for lunch, Jungwon a pair of earrings, and Riki a new jacket that looks similar to his from back home). It warms your heart to know you have people who care about you enough to show and tell you.
The Eiffel Tower calls your name one late afternoon and by the time you all manage to walk up, the sun is setting below the horizon. There are couples around Heeseung who are taking photos left and right, one of which asks him to take a few pictures for them. He can’t help but wish he was in their place, asking a stranger to take a photo of the two of you as he kisses the apple of your cheek. Heeseung snaps a few good ones before the couple thanks him.
It doesn’t help that you look like a walking goddess. Truth be told, Heeseung wanted to buy you more than just coffee when the boys agreed to each give you something as a token of their gratitude. Heeseung had come up with a list of ideas he wanted advice for, but it was Sunghoon who’d told him to keep it simple for your sake. He was right, as always, because you thanked him with a pleasant smile instead of ignoring him like you had in the days prior. Heeseung gets the feeling that you wouldn’t appreciate a grand gesture from him right now.
He hates that he can’t read you like he used to. He hates that the other friends know you better than he does, and he hates that he’s in the City of Love and he can’t call you his girlfriend.
Riki and Jungwon are more perceptive than they let on. Heeseung sees the way their eyes dart between the two of you and how they’ve been trying their best to navigate the new dynamic. Riki, especially, hadn’t been receptive of Seulgi the first time Heeseung invited her to a bonfire. Heeseung had overheard the younger boy telling Jungwon it wasn’t the same without you there and that he’d rather go home than spend another minute getting to know someone who wasn’t you.
At the time, Heeseung was beyond irritated and refused to speak to Riki for the rest of the night. Now, however, he understands why Riki acted the way he did.
You look so beautiful underneath a Parisian sunset. Heeseung knows he’s staring. He’s grateful that you’re too preoccupied with Sunghoon taking photos of you. But God, he wishes you’d laugh at him like that.
“You should talk to her,” Jake says from beside him. Heeseung jumps at his sudden appearance. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I want to.” Heeseung says it out loud for the first time. He wants to work it out with you and get his best friend back in whatever way you’ll allow. “I miss her, Jake. I miss being her friend and I fucked up when I rejected her.”
Heeseung doesn’t notice Jake’s eyes widen at the sudden admission. Jake had his fair share of theories and considered Heeseung to be his best friend, but even he knew there was a limit about what he was willing to share and what he kept to himself. Heeseung’s friendship with you was something he stopped trying to learn a few years after he got to know you; Heeseung had a soft spot for you and had no problem letting people know that. It wasn’t until you mentioned to Jake that you hadn’t spoken to Heeseung in months that he knew something was up.
“She clearly cares about you,” Jake says. “She wouldn’t be on this trip if she didn’t.”
“But she’s been ignoring me the past three days. And before you say it, yes, I know that she has a valid reason to, but I’m hurt and I want to make things better.”
“You have to let her take the reins and let her talk to you when she wants to,” Jake advises. “You know how she is. Y/N’s headstrong and she might not know how she feels right now, but she always knows what’s best for her. You’re good for her, Heeseung. Let her come to that conclusion on her own.”
Heeseung relinquishes his breath. “You’re right. I just…miss her. A lot. Things will never go back to the way they used to but I don’t think I want them to. I used to pray every night that I could somehow make everything like it was before that night but now I want more than that. She deserves better and I want to be better for her, not that coward who was too scared to try something new with the person he loves.”
His friend’s words bring a smile to Jake’s lips. “Well I, for one, believe in you. I think the rest of the guys do too.”
“I know,” Heeseung says softly with his eyes on you.
*✧・゚─────────── *✧・゚
You can’t believe you leave Europe in two days as you sip your wine. Jay’s father was gracious enough to reach out to his friend at the hotel’s restaurant to negotiate having this meal compensated. It’s a gesture you hold onto and make a mental note to write a thoughtful note when you settle back in Korea. Jay sits next to you and partakes in the wine activities with you, namely picking out two different bottles to share with the table. Talking to Jay like this makes you feel otherworldly, like you’ve gotten more experience out of life since you chose to study abroad. You feel lucky, in a sense, that your life has given you more than you expected it too.
The younger boys head upstairs after dessert and bid you all a goodnight in case they don’t see you before falling asleep. For the next thirty minutes or so, it’s the five of you laughing away at the hotel bar like old times, reminiscing about embarrassing moments from high school or how difficult it was to hear Jake’s Korean when he first moved.
The Australian leaves as soon as he yawns. Sunghoon, a little too tipsy upon standing from the bar table, presses a gentle kiss to your head when he says goodnight to the rest of you. Jay gives your arm a reassuring squeeze and you understand for the first time that he always knew you better than he let on. He says goodnight and tells the bartender to charge his room whenever you two close the tab.
Now, you and Heeseung are sitting together, mere inches apart as the Parisian sky twinkles with stars above the two of you.
Neither of you know what to say. You fidget with the glass and contemplate on whether you should head up as well. Heeseung can sense your awkwardness and wish he hadn’t messed things up so badly that you can’t stand to be alone with him without thinking of an escape plan. He misses when the two of you could sit in complete silence and still feel comfortable around one another.
“Thank you for showing us around,” he speaks up before you can make the decision to leave. “I remember you talking about all of the places you showed us when you first moved here. I’ve always wanted to visit.”
“Really?”
Heeseung nods. “I used to be so jealous that you got the opportunity to travel abroad every time you talked about it. But I think I like it better this way, with you as the tour guide.”
That brings a laugh out of you and Heeseung can’t help but smile. He doesn’t care if it’s the alcohol allowing your walls to come down. He’s grateful for the chance.
“I used to write down places I wanted to show you,” you confess. “There were so many places that reminded me of where we’d used to hang out as kids. It always felt like there was a part of you with me.”
His heart melts. “I wish I could’ve visited you while you were here. Your friends seem pretty cool.”
“They are.” Heeseung watches you smile. “They’ve been with me through a lot and helped me get over this fear of failing in a different country. My friend Suki, who now lives in Tokyo, was the first person to really get me out of my shell and convinced me to go out. Awkward Y/N? Going to clubs?”
“You know how to dance, though. I bet you killed it.”
“A little too much, perhaps. I didn’t date or hook up much, but there were a few times that I did.” Heeseung’s heart begins to sink as does his hope. This is not where he wanted to lead the conversation but his ears perk up at your next point. “But I wasn’t happy doing that so I stopped making out with random guys on the dance floor.”
“If only thirteen-year-old you could see you then,” he teases. You bump his shoulders with yours and he feels electricity running down his arm.
“I think I did a good job adjusting and learning. There were times where I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing with my life because I couldn’t decide if I wanted to stay in London or go back to Seoul. That burden felt too much.”
“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you came back home.”
Your head whips to look at Heeseung, who can only sit and watch as your eyes begin to water.
“Why didn’t you say anything when I texted and called you?” you ask meekly, your voice barely above a whisper. “Why didn’t you see me when I came back?”
“I know.” He gulps. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so, so sorry.”
You sniffle and Heeseung wants to cry too. “Everyone came to pick me up at the airport. I kept looking for you but you weren’t there. Jake had to pull me away from baggage claim because he said you weren’t coming but I didn’t listen. I told him he was wrong. You always come.”
Heeseung’s soul breaks with every crack in your voice and with the way your lips quiver. He sees your mascara beginning to smudge and resists the urge to wipe it away so that your eyes may look fresh and dry.
“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I have no excuse.”
“I wanted my best friend but you never showed up for me. You didn’t call or text me when you knew I was home and I had to wait until Riki’s bonfire to see you.”
“I was an idiot and stupid,” is the only answer Heeseung can come up with. “I used to be so scared of change. You left the country and I had to start thinking about what I wanted to do with my life but it was so hard without you in it.”
“Then why did you leave me?”
His heart shatters.
You’ve turned away from him in an attempt to walk back to your hotel room. However, Heeseung has learned his lesson. He doesn’t let you stray too far and gently tugs your wrist to pull you into his chest and is surprised when you don’t fight him off of you.
He doesn't care that your tears have stained his shirt or that you’re hiccupping into his clothes. All Heeseung wants to do is let you know he’s here for you now, despite his past mistakes and clouded judgment. Heeseung loves you for your bravery and vulnerability. He can only hope you understand that.
“Let’s go to your room, yeah? I can help you take your makeup off.”
Whether from the alcohol or your need to be near Heeseung, you let him guide you to the elevator. He digs in your purse for your room key and coaxes you to sit in the bathroom while he locks the door. This routine feels a bit familiar; in his youth, he learned how you like to take your makeup off and get ready for bed after a particularly rough night drinking. He could never understand why he hadn’t minded taking the extra step and to keep himself sober when you were in the vicinity, but he understands it now.
Heeseung meets you in the bathroom and washes his hands before putting your hair in a ponytail. He bites his lips when he sees your fresh tears and mutters another apology, forcing himself not to wipe away the tears with his fingers. Instead, he lets you blot them with a tissue before gathering makeup remover in his hands and gently smears it all over your skin.
“I didn’t like change,” he says after a quiet beat. “I was too cowardly to take what I wanted, even if the person I wanted said they wanted me too. I don’t know why I didn’t chase after you that night or why I thought you needed space before you left. I don’t have an explanation for any of it except to say that I was a coward who never wanted anything to change between us.”
Heeseung warms a wet cloth and wipes the balm away until he’s satisfied and moves on with your favorite cleanser, rubbing it between his hands until it foams.
“I think, deep down, I’ve always loved you more than I led on. I can’t think of any moment in my life where you weren’t there or times that I didn’t want you around. Even when we were in elementary school and everyone kept saying we would get cooties from each other, I wanted you with me.”
He lets you wash your face and applies the rest of your products on as you once taught him.
“I’ve always had this sense of pride when it came to being your friend. Everyone always talked about how cool you were because you always knew what to say and when to say it. I love that about you, you know. You have a way of making people feel like they’re really special. I don’t know why I was so afraid of that.
“I love who you are and what you believe in. You make the world a better place for everyone around you. How you treated me was a small fraction of why I love you. I love your passions and that you aren’t afraid to chase after them. I love that you stick with the same boba order even though you tell yourself you’ll try something new. I love that you hate the beach but go with us every time we ask. I love when you get a little drunk because you don’t fight me when I want to take care of you.”
Heeseung swallows. “But mostly, I just really love you.”
You open your eyes for the first time. Heeseung can only stare.
“You really hurt me.”
He glances down. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“What hurt the most was knowing you weren’t going to be there as my best friend, Heeseung. I could handle your rejection. I could find a way to get over you. But I could never get over losing our friendship. I never wanted you out of my life because it’s better with you in it.”
“Please don’t get over me,” Heeseung croaks. His own eyes begin to swell and he forces a choked sob down his throat, aggressively wiping his eyes to rid himself of tears. He presses his forehead against yours. “I don’t want you to get over me.”
You don’t say anything for a few moments. Heeseung swears he feels the blood rushing to his ears as he anticipates your response and he’s sure that even if what you say isn’t what he wants to hear, he’s happy to wear his feelings on his sleeve for once in his life.
“I don’t think I could even if I tried.”
Heeseung’s heart stops beating. He doesn’t kiss you even though he wants to. He doesn’t take your hand and pull you into him like his heart tells him to. Instead, he whispers a quiet thanks and is surprised when he hears you laugh.
“I can’t apologize enough. I don’t want to make you feel like you have to do or say anything.”
“I know,” you whisper. Heeseung's hands are dangling awkwardly by his side. He feels like pushing his forehead against yours was too much. But your hands reach for him and you give him a squeeze.
Heeseung throws caution out of the window and envelopes you in a hug. He feels your body melt against his and can’t help but look at the way you’ve folded into his chest in the bathroom mirror, with your head in his neck and his cheek on the crown of your head. Heeseung missed holding you like this–with your bodies intertwined as if you were two soulmates who were forced apart upon creation.
He stroked your back with his hand and kept the other secured around your waist. Your soft breaths touch his skin and it feels like he’s got electricity running through his veins.
“I’m sorry,” Heeseung whispers again. “I will keep apologizing until you know the depth of my regret.”
The boy feels like he’s floating when you press a soft kiss to his exposed chest, mentally thanking Jake for forcing him to let loose and unbutton a few.
“You could start by staying with me until I fall asleep,” you say. “Like old times.”
He tries not to punch the air. “I can do that.”
Heeseung waits in the bathroom until you’ve changed into comfortable clothing. He isn’t surprised when he sees you in shorts and an oversized shirt. It’s reminiscent of what you used to wear when you’d sleep in the guest bedroom in his house or vice versa, but now that he’s acknowledged his feelings for you, he can’t help but coo at how cute and sleepy you look.
You tuck yourself in bed with the blankets to your chin and he completely melts to the floor. You pat the spot next to him and he sits on top of the blankets.
“Under the covers, silly.”
“I don’t want to rush it,” Heeseung says in a panic.
“We aren’t rushing. We’re two best friends who got each other back.”
Heeseung has never been more relieved. Though, he knows you’re a stickler for outside clothes in bed, so he makes the decision to take your key card and change.
“I’m not leaving you,” he says when he notices you rise from your spot on the bed. He holds two key cards to prove it and leans over to press a soft kiss to your cheek. “I’m going to change and then I’ll be right back. I promise.”
He comes back ten minutes later. It warms your heart at the sight of him and you feel the comfort in your body when he slides underneath the covers.
You surprise yourself when you move to lay your head on his chest with your arm around his body. Heeseung doesn’t seem to mind, though, and he pulls you closer to him like you’ve done it a million times before. The two of you have wanted this for too long to make it feel awkward.
“What did Jake say when you came into the room?” you ask.
“He was half asleep until I turned the light on but he asked me if we resolved things. I told him yes and then he asked if I was staying the night with you when he saw me leaving.”
“Am I right to assume he was more excited about having the room to himself?”
Heeseung laughs. “That you are.”
“Deep down, I think Jake knew we’d find our way. I think they all did.”
“I’m sorry,” Heeseung whispers once more. You quiet him with a kiss to his cheek.
“I know, Hee. We can talk more tomorrow. For now, let’s sleep.”
*✧・゚─────────── *✧・゚
The next morning, Heeseung wakes up before you do and frowns when your body’s all the way on the other side of the bed. He leans over your sleeping frame and brushes strands of hair from your face, admiring how serene you look in your sleep. For a moment, Heeseung ponders if it’s too soon to wake you up the way he’d like to, but if last night was any indication about how you felt, he’d be willing to take the chance.
He leans down to kiss your forehead and both of your cheeks repeatedly until your eyes flutter open. Heeseung thinks he could listen to your laugh every morning with the way you wince at the sunlight and how his lips touch your skin. Still, your gaze finds its way to Heeseung’s and you can’t help but smile.
There was a brief moment before you fell asleep that you’d wondered if you’d been too quick to forgive him. But for as hurtful as the past year was, you can’t help but acknowledge the steps he took during the trip in an attempt to undo all of the contempt you had built for him. You owe it to yourself to be happy with Heeseung.
“Good morning, pretty girl,” Heeseung says with his morning voice that sounds a little too good for seven in the A.M. “Did you sleep well?”
“Slept like a baby. I feel like one too.”
“That’s because you are a baby,” Heeseung teases, kissing your cheeks and then the tip of your nose. “My baby.”
“I really want breakfast but I’m too lazy to get up from the bed.”
“We could always order in. I’ll pay.”
You shake your head. “I’ll be too tempted to stay in bed and it’s our last full day in Paris. Let’s just get ready and have breakfast at the hotel restaurant?”
The both of you are halfway done eating breakfast when the rest of your friends trickle in, joining your table and the ones next to you. It takes them a while to wake up, but it’s Sunghoon who speaks up first.
“I’m assuming you two talked?”
“And made up,” you say with a tilt of your head.
“That’s my girl,” Sunghoon says proudly, sipping on his coffee.
“I’ll let that slide since we’re all friends,” Heeseung jokes. You laugh and, for the first time in a while, you don’t feel guilty about it.
“I had the whole room to myself, too. I woke up and didn’t have to fight anyone for the bathroom,” says Jake.
Riki nearly spits his juice out. “You guys slept together?”
“Not like that!” you’re quick to exclaim. “He just slept over. Slept. As in, we closed our eyes and actually slept.”
“Both of us knew we needed our beauty sleep before dealing with the six of you asking us questions,” Heeseung adds. “But for your information, we made up. We still have things to figure out, but we’re back to being friends.”
“Hopefully more than that,” Jungwon coughs behind his coffee. He merely smiles when Heeseung looks in his direction.
“I think you two should spend the rest of the day by yourselves,” Jay suggests. “We can either meet up for dinner or whenever we have to check out.”
“I second that,” Sunoo agrees. “You two clearly need to talk.”
“I wanted to go shopping with Y/N again,” Riki says with a frown. Jake presumably knocks his shin with Riki’s, who clears his throat. “But you two should totally hang out without us.”
“I think we might,” Heeseung says, holding his hand out for you to take. He stands from his seat and encourages you to stand as well, leading you away from the table. “Thanks for the breakfast, Jay!”
“I’m choosing to be the bigger person because Y/N’s been through enough,” Jay mutters when Heeseung is out of hearshot, making the table laugh.
*✧・゚─────────── *✧・゚
“You know, I think the reason why I had such a hard time reaching out was because we’d never gotten into something that serious before,” Heeseung admits. The gelato in your hand isn’t as good as you remember it, but it does the job to cool you down on a particularly warm afternoon.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you remember when we were kids and how hard it was for me to talk to you about anything that was action movies or superheroes?”
“God, you and your Superman cape from fourth grade,” you snort. “You wore that thing to school everyday. Your dad had to wash it every night otherwise you’d refuse to go to sleep.” Heeseung shuts his eyes at the memory.
“You were the only person I felt comfortable pouring my heart out to, you know. You were always the first person I called when I needed someone to talk to, but then I was the reason why you got hurt…I think part of me didn’t know if I was allowed to reach out to you.
“It’s a stupid excuse, I know. But when I heard you were coming back to Seoul a few weeks before you did, I couldn’t help but think about how many times I could’ve texted you.”
“Yeah, you could’ve.” Heeseung merely nods at your agreement. “We’ve been through a lot over the years, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.”
“I just wish I had come to this conclusion when it happened. I was so caught up in graduating and focusing on how I felt that I didn’t consider how you must’ve been dealing with all of it. I don’t think I’ve ever been so selfish in my life.”
“I think the time you refused to let me be friends with Jake because you said you needed friends aside from me was your second most selfish moment.”
Heeseung rolls his eyes. “Quit it. I was thirteen, okay?”
Neither of you particularly care to do any sightseeing today. It feels nice to walk side-by-side without the company of your other friends. The juxtaposition of how you felt towards the beginning of this trip compared to how relaxed you feel surprises you a tenfold, but you suppose that comes with genuine apologies and forgiveness.
You’re willing to admit Heeseung looks criminally good in black jeans and a striped button down. He wears his clothes so effortlessly yet still looks like he could’ve taken his wardrobe from a magazine. You’ve always found it a bit unfair that Heeseung always manages to look so cool without trying too hard.
“You’re staring,” he mutters, looking at you from the corner of his eye as the two of you walk down a cobblestone street.
“I’m not,” you lie. You turn your head to avoid his gaze, but Heeseung thinks he likes seeing you this shy. It’s new territory for him, one that he wants to explore.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Go for it.”
“Why did you forgive me so quickly?” Heeseung asks. “I appreciate it, I really do, but a big part of me feels like I don’t deserve that just yet.”
It takes you a while to answer. Why did you forgive him as fast as you did? For a week and a half, being in close quarters with Heeseung made you feel nothing but anxious and on edge, so why were you able to allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of him?
“I’ve always held onto the idea that you’re a good person,” you begin. “I’ve always admired that you intend to care for the people you love and make them feel like they have a place in your life. You’ve always made me feel safe, like I could run to you when things got too hard.
“What you did was in poor taste, sure, but making bad decisions doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. I know you, Hee. I know how you get when you’re faced with a difficult choice and how long it takes for you to come around. I was justifiably hurt but I think a part of me always knew you’d fix it somehow.”
“I wish I could feel deserving of that kind of forgiveness.”
“You know me. You know I wouldn’t tell you that if I didn’t feel like what I’m saying is true. I’ll admit that I shocked myself with how quickly I let my guard down with you…but you’re Heeseung. You've been my best friend since the first grade and you’re the boy I happen to have a really big crush on.”
Heeseung bites his lips at your confession, willing himself not to be too forward as to kiss you in the middle of the street. He sees your bravery and the way you’ve put your heart directly in the palm of his hand, acting out of vulnerability even though the both of you knew he hurt you once before.
He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. Instead, Heeseung grabs your hands and locks his fingers with yours, squeezing three times to tell you he loves you.
*✧・゚─────────── *✧・゚
The afternoon comes and goes with little to no plan. Heeseung’s a bit worried that he hasn’t heard anything from the boys and he’s rendered shocked that you’ve taken it upon yourself to let the day take you where it may instead of finding the next spot to visit.
As if on cue, Jay texts him with plans for the evening.
jjongcaprio: 20:00, Pétrelle. It’s a five minute walk from the hotel
jjongcaprio: I made reservations for you and Y/N tonight. Don’t worry about me and the boys, just take her out on a romantic date
jjongcaprio: The bill’s covered. The reservation’s under your name btw
heeseung: bro i cannot ask you to do this
jjongcaprio: You don’t have to. You and I both know Y/N deserves to be wined and dined
jjongcaprio: Plus I saw you looking at a few restaurants when we were on the train. I managed to pull some strings for you and got a last minute reservation for tonight
heeseung: thank you jay…i really don’t know what i’d do without you
jjongcaprio: It’s really not a problem, bro. Promise me that you’ll try to be happy with her. The guys and I are rooting for you two
“So,” Heeseung clears his throat as he looks up from his phone, “I think you and I should go out for dinner.”
“Where are you thinking of going? I can text the others and see if they’re done sightseeing, or whatever it is they’re doing.”
“I mean just us two.” He stands awkwardly when you’ve turned your attention to him, his feet planted on the sidewalk beneath him as if that’ll help steady his beating heart.
“Like a date?”
“Yes,” he says immediately. “Like a date. I, Heeseung, am asking you out on a date. Tonight. At eight.”
“I, Y/N, would love to go on a date with you. At eight.”
The twinkle in your eye and your coy nature makes him feel like a teenager again. He leads you into the hotel and walks you to your door before stepping back as you step inside.
“We’ve got an hour and a half before we need to leave. I’ll come by and then we can walk together. The restaurant is only a five minute walk, so you can wear those new heels I know you feel guilty buying.”
“They’re really pretty though,” you rationalize.
Heeseung nods. “Gorgeous, actually. Maybe you’ll be as tall as me if you wear them.”
“We’ll just have to see, won’t we?”
Heeseung bites his bottom lip as you disappear behind the door, locking eyes with you until you’re completely out of sight. Flirting with you like this is a completely new phenomenon for him. He’s only daydreamed about what you might say if he said something a little too suggestive or how you might act if he dedicated a wink in your direction. Heeseung had never considered that he’d be the one flustered, cheeks reddening to the point where he starts to feel shy.
His nerves are endless as he picks out an outfit for tonight. Heeseung sends a quick text to his parents, who had pressured him into bringing nice clothes for a fancy dinner, and spends a few minutes updating them on the events of the past few days. His mother is pleased, to put it lightly, and sends a handful of emoticons to display her happiness. His father tells him words of encouragement before making Heeseung promise to bring you for dinner as his girlfriend, not just his best friend.
With the last touch of his cologne, Heeseung looks at himself in the mirror and tries not to think too hard about how he looks. You’re Y/N, his best friend since he can remember, and you’ve seen him with snot dripping from his nose.
“I look fine,” he says to himself in the mirror. “Y/N will like the look because your mom picked it out and we know those two agree on everything. Absolutely nothing to worry about.”
Heeseung’s only regret is he doesn’t have a bouquet of flowers to present you with as he makes his way to your hotel room. He wipes his palms on his trousers and takes a deep breath before knocking on your door.
When it opens, he’s met with the sight of you in a short black dress that hugs your hips to accentuate your body. The dress itself is an elegant, spaghetti strap number with a flattering neckline paired with jewelry that makes your skin appear to be glowing. Your heels match well with the dress you’ve chosen, so much so that Heeseung’s jaw drops when his eyes rake over your body.
“Wow,” he mutters. “Just…wow.”
“I’m not used to you being speechless,” you say mildly, closing the door behind you.
“You look gorgeous,” he sputters. “I shouldn’t be seen with you tonight.”
“You’re dramatic, Hee.” You give him a once over and Heeseung thinks he wouldn’t mind you checking him out as you please. “You look handsome as ever.”
He beams at the compliment and holds his arm out for you.
“Shall we?”
*✧・゚─────────── *✧・゚
Heeseung knows the type of person you are and what you value, yet he still renders himself shocked when you allow him to take control of the evening. He knows you don’t need to have the expensive consequences that come with a first date or to be sipping the most luxurious wine to be happy, but Heeseung can’t help but feel like you deserve to feel as elegant as you look every once in a while.
The host leads the two of you to a table with the most gorgeous view of the Parisian scenery. The twinkling stars paired with the dimly lit restaurant adds a romantic touch to the evening. Heeseung mentally thanks Jay for preparing wine recommendations so neither of you have to think too much about it.
For a moment, he’s worried that he’s reached too far out of his depth. The fanciest thing Heeseung has ever done with you is eat ramen after prom in your best outfits because you both came to the conclusion that prom should be spent with someone you actually like. It’s funny in hindsight when he thinks about it now.
You look so beautiful like this, allowing yourself to be taken care of by him. Talking to you over the table feels like you’re back in Korea before all that transpired. The food is impeccable and Heeseung thanks his lucky stars that he and Jay got it right. You sing praises left and right.
Dinner ends much quicker than he’d like as the two of you finish dessert. The waiter tells him the bill has been taken care of and Heeseung sits in his seat awkwardly as you look out the window to see the view from outside. But he hears the live band in the background and sees a few older couples slow dancing from where he sits and makes up his mind.
“Do you want to dance?”
You pull your attention to him. For a moment, he thinks he’s asked the most absurd question known to man when he recalls all the times you refused to make a home on the dance floor until you’ve gotten at least four drinks in your system.
You surprise him.
“I’d love to, Hee.”
The room disappears when he leads you to the dance floor. He mimics the other dancers and takes the lead, swaying your bodies back and forth to the melody of the music. You smell of vanilla and cinnamon, a scent so distinctly you that it makes him grin like a man in love.
“Thank you for tonight,” you say against his neck. “I won’t lie when I say I feel like a princess.”
“That’s because you are a princess,” Heeseung says, kissing the top of your head. “You deserve to be treated like one.”
“I can’t believe you pulled this off so quickly. Don’t restaurants like these require reservations?”
He chuckles nervously. “About that…Jay helped me with the details. I was looking up restaurants to take you to if I got the chance before our trip ended. I guess he saw the list and chose the most romantic one out of the bunch.”
“I owe Jay a thank you.”
“We both do.”
“I feel lucky to have people in my life who care about me this much,” you say. “I’m so happy you’re back in my life.”
“I’m happy to be in it.” Heeseung squeezes your waist. “Deep down, it’s always been you that I’ve loved. There’s not a single person who makes me feel the way you do.”
“Yeah?”
You feel him nod. “I’ll say it until you believe me. I’ll even yell it in this restaurant right now.”
“Please don’t,” you laugh. “I believe you.”
The sound of the melody overtakes the conversation. You feel Heeseung’s steady heartbeat as he expertly moves your bodies together on the dance floor. When you close your eyes, you think of this moment and how badly you want to commit it to memory, no longer in anguish over the tribulations of the past year. It feels nice to let go of your worries, even better that you have Heeseung back.
“I really want to kiss you,” he murmurs under his breath. You pull your head back.
“Then you should kiss me.”
Heeseung wastes no time and pulls you into him, one arm around your waist and the other behind your neck. His mouth finds yours when he decides he loves the taste of red wine on your lips. It feels poetic to be kissing you for the first time as you’re both dressed to the nines in the middle of Paris. To him, kissing you feels like a breath of fresh air and the start of something new. For you, kissing him feels like coming home.
When he pulls back, you search for his eyes.
“Take me back to the hotel,” you whisper.
Heeseung feels his heart drop.
“I’m sorry. We can go back now.”
You grip the collar of his slightly unbuttoned dress shirt when he moves. It’s only then that Heeseung sees the want in your eyes and the pure lust that clouds your pupils.
“Take me back to the hotel.”
*✧・゚─────────── *✧・゚
By the time your elevator reaches your floor, Heeseung’s dress shirt is completely unbuttoned with his toned chest exposed. You’re barely able to detach yourself from his mouth when he pushes you out of the contraption. Your hand reaches for his as you pull him towards your room, digging through your purse when you feel Heeseung’s lips on the back of your neck.
“You look sexy in my jacket,” he mumbles, pressing wet kisses to your skin.
“L-Let me find the key.”
“So sexy.” His hands slide up the side of your body until he grips your waist.
When the door opens, you pull Heeseung inside with you and lock it shut before pushing his dress shirt off of his body, exposing his muscular build and broad shoulders. You aren’t shy about hiding your lust, gazing all over his chest and abdomen as you feel your core drip with arousal.
“I like it when you look at me like that,” Heeseung says. He reaches for your hand and places it on his chest. You take the liberty to glide your nails down his abdomen, feeling the way he tenses underneath your touch.
“I’m really wet,” you say as you eye the tent that has grown in Heeseung’s pants.
“Are you?” he asks. “You won’t mind if I check?”
You shake your head and Heeseung takes that as a green light, his hands finding the soft fabric of your dress before pushing his hand underneath it. He whimpers when his fingers come in contact with your wet lips. It’s adorable, the way you push yourself against him to chase his lips while he fingers smear your wetness across the fabric of your panties.
“Bed,” you mumble against his lips.
He follows where you pull him, loving the way you take control when you push him onto the mattress. Heeseung distracts himself to catch his breath from the overwhelming sense of pleasure to realize that you’ve started to undo his belt buckle and take his hard cock out of his pants.
“You don’t have to—”
“I want your cock in my mouth,” you plead, looking him in the eye. “Please let me.”
You sit politely on your knees as you unbuckle Heeseung’s pants. His chest rises and falls in anticipation and he looks down at you to see that your mouth is watering at the sight of him.
He’s already fully hard; he has been since you started unbuttoning his shirt in the elevator. You spit directly onto the tip of his cock and he bites his lip at the sudden contact before watching as you swipe your hand up and down himself.
Heeseung doesn’t want to think about how you learned to do what you’re doing to him. He doesn’t want to think about the boys you’ve kissed or the people who got to see you like this before. What he does know, however, is he’s the only person from here on out who will see you on your knees if he can help it.
Your mouth envelopes the head and Heeseung emits a short grunt. The tension between you two begins to slowly dissipate as you fit more of his cock inside of your mouth. Your tongue expertly traces every ridge and vein as you push your throat down onto him, causing Heeseung to put his palms on the mattress and throw his head back.
You hum around him when he moans. He’s itching to put his hand behind your head but refuses the idea, letting you set your own pace. Heeseung watches as you switch your angle, sitting up to rest on your knees to push your head further down on him. He witnessed as you spread your legs, a choked moan coming from his throat in conjunction with a particular gag from your mouth.
There’s spit everywhere. It’s trailing down your lips and connecting to his cock when you pull yourself from his body. It’s seeping to his pants and he’s about to speak up when your motion attaches itself to his sensitive balls, licking at its warmth while your hand strokes him from atop.
“That’s it. Fuuuuck.”
He bucks his hips once and curses. Heeseung feels your mouth envelop one of his balls, the pressure of your mouth around it making him feel a kind of euphoria he didn’t know was possible. Your mouth moves to the other to give it the same treatment before retreating back to his cock. This time, your hand massages him from below as you suck on him.
When you look up at him and wink, he decides enough is enough.
“Baby,” Heeseung pants, attempting to push your head off of him. He thinks it’s so sexy that you’re turned on while giving him a blowjob. “Baby, please stop. I don’t wanna come yet.”
You oblige and take your mouth off of him with a popping sound. You sit back and Heeseung stares at you through drooping eyelids in pure shock and amazement at how you’ve managed to pull him to a near orgasm as quickly as you did.
“Come here,” he beckons with his fingers.
He attaches his mouth to yours and pushes his tongue inside of your mouth, exploring the warm, wet walls you have to offer. Heeseung decides that he loves the feeling of your tongue against his and lets you suck on the muscle.
You take your dress off to reveal sheer panties with nothing else on. Heeseung’s jaw drops at your beauty, but he also cannot believe how sexy his best friend’s body is. To him, you were sculpted from the hands of Aphrodite herself with great love and care. And it’s all for him.
“You are so fucking sexy,” he murmurs, hovering over your body to press kisses to the valley of your chest. You let his hands roam and spread your legs to make room for him.
Heeseung’s head travels back to your chest and you watch as he envelops your right nipple in his mouth. “Your tits are just perfect.”
He makes a show out of it, hands cupping your breasts to massage them as his mouth works on you. He pushes your tits together and shoves his face between them, inhaling your scent while his tongue gathers whatever taste your body gives him. Heeseung moves to your left nipple and uses his tongue to flick the hardened bud over and over again until you’re arching your chest into his mouth.
He grinds himself into your core with his pants still loose around his legs. It brings a moan out of your throat and he swallows it whole with his lips pressed firmly against yours. The friction feels delicious with the fabric of your panties against the hardness of Heeseung’s cock. He grinds against you with the help of your hips rolling into his, your natural wetness coating his cock in your essence.
Heeseung moves his head to kiss your jawline, moving his mouth all over the expanse of your neck until he kisses right below your earlobe. You let out a particularly loud moan when he does, and Heeseung curses.
“Shit. Yeah baby, make those sounds for me. Let me hear your pretty moans.”
His mouth attacks the area again and you aren’t shy about it. Your hands tangle in his hair as he kisses your neck and grinds his cock against the wet panties, which have by now molded to the shape of your pussy.
Heeseung groans at the feeling of a particularly wet gush and lifts his hips enough to elicit a whimper out of your mouth. He experimentally lifts his hips again to align himself with you as he did before. The pressure must feel so good because your mouth hangs open with your eyes boring into his.
“That’s it,” he encourages. “Does my baby feel good?” You can only nod and he doesn’t blame you. “That’s a good baby. Fuck, you’re so wet, it’s driving me crazy.”
Heeseung feels your legs wrap around him and the way your heel pushes his lower back into your core. He takes the hint and quickens his pace, wanting nothing more than to see you come for him.
“You gotta come for me now, pretty girl,” he coaxed. “You deserve to come. Won’t you do that for me?”
Heeseung is sure that he’s never seen or heard anything more erotic compared to the vision of watching you come. Your mouth opens with breathy moans as you focus on your pleasure and your eyes squeeze shut as if you’re trying to savor the moment in your mind.
“Atta girl,” Heeseung praises when your hips grind into his. He keeps himself still and lets your body take over.
You eventually come down and realize Heeseung has yet to come, but that’s the last thing on his mind. He sinks his body down to come face-to-face with your crotch and licks the come off of the soiled fabric of your panties. The sheerness gives him a sneak peek at your pussy, and he groans when he licks a slow, fat strip up your slit.
“You taste so fucking delicious, baby.” He licks at you again, faster this time. “Tastes like milk and honey.”
Heeseung kisses your wet panties over and over again, his soft lips providing jolts of pleasure. His hands roam around the soft flesh of your thighs and squeezes them as if he remembers you’re all his to touch. The feeling is one you want to commit to memory, but it seems like Heeseung knows your mind is working overtime because he reaches his hand to find yours and gives it a reassuring squeeze.
You let his hand go when he pulls it from you to slide the useless barrier down your legs and to undo the straps of your heels. He takes great care to kiss your skin tenderly, starting by your ankle and making his way down just shy of where you need him the most. Heeseung repeats the process on the other leg until he comes face to face with your glistening core, licking his lips as if he doesn’t know where to start.
“Such a pretty pussy,” he says before placing a soft kiss to your clit.
He repeats the motion, kissing your folds like they’re delicate antiquities that need to be handled with the utmost care. His lips become covered with your essence; he feels you squirm underneath him and uses the expanse of his palms to gently pry your legs open for him, soothing the soft skin of your inner thighs.
Heeseung tentatively licks your slit and decides he loves the sound of your moans when he has his mouth on you. He does it again, dragging his tongue to feel every ridge and crevice that he’s yet to explore. His mouth feels like a warm comfort with the slow pace he sets, licking you as if he’s trying to tell you how much he loves you without saying it.
“You taste divine.”
You look down below to see his hair covering his eyes and brush it away with your hands. Heeseung looks right into your soul and you feel your heart clench, causing you to roll your hips into his face. He merely buries his nose close to you until he bumps your clit with the tip, pushing his wet muscle into you deeper.
When your moans get lighter and your breathy sounds are the only audible thing in the room aside from his own moans. You open your eyes to see Heeseung humping the mattress below you. The sight is so erotic that you can’t help but let out a loud whine at the thought of Heeseung pleasuring himself while pleasuring you.
He brings his fingers to your pussy and sways his fingers back and forth until he foregoes his slow pace, favoring a faster one. He abuses your swollen clit while you can only lay there and watch him play with you. Heeseung expertly inserts his middle finger into your seeping hole and bites his lip to concentrate on getting you to come again.
“I need it,” he confesses, bringing his mouth to lick you as he adds another finger. “I need you to come for me again, baby. Can you do that for me?’
“Yes, Hee,” you pant. “I wanna come so badly.”
“You can do it, baby. You’ve been such a good girl tonight, giving me the best head and letting me make you come. I think you deserve to feel good.”
“I do,” you nod rapidly. “Fuck, I think I’m coming.”
“That’s right,” he coos, hammering his digits into you while his tongue laps up the juices leaking from your pussy. “So good. You taste so fucking good. Give it to me.”
He doesn't relent until he’s satisfied. Heeseung cleans the come from your lips as best he can while sneaking his hand to his cock, pumping himself as he tastes your orgasm on his tongue.
“You’ve crazy,” you mutter as you settle from your high, loving the feeling of Heeseung’s mouth tenderly licking you clean.
“For you.” He pulls his face away and wipes the back of his hand before pressing a kiss to your clit.
When he rises to take his pants and boxers off, he sees you with your arm covering your face.
“Are you doing okay?”
“Perfect, actually,” you sigh. You remove your arm to see him with his cock in his hands and motion him to come towards the edge of the bed as you crawl on your knees before sitting upright to pull him into a searing kiss.
“That might be the hottest thing I’ve ever seen you do,” Heeseung says against your mouth. “It’s better than porn, if I’m being honest.”
You grab his cock and stroke him. “I’ll consider letting you take a video of me when we get back home if you fuck me right now.”
“Turn around,” he says after an open-mouthed kiss.
You follow his instructions and he groans to himself as you present your perfect pussy to him again. Heeseung sinks to his knees and smacks your ass before shoving his tongue into your hole. He spreads your asscheeks apart and digs his nose against you, licking up the wetness and remnants of your orgasm like it’s his last meal. His tongue licks up your body until he finds your wrinkled muscle and presses a soft kiss to your tightest hole.
The surprise comes to him when you moan softly. Your body doesn’t jerk away. Rather, you spread your legs further for him and Heeseung moans against your pussy before bringing his tongue to lick over the muscle again.
“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he asks, dipping his tongue back in.
“Better than I imagined.”
“You imagined my tongue in your ass, baby?”
You nod. “I’ve always wanted to know what that feels like.”
Heeseung doesn’t give you a verbal answer. Instead, he spits into your hole and watches it dribble down to your pussy, licking his way from your incredibly wet folds to your hole once again. He licks over the expanse with the surface of his tongue one, twice, three times before you’re whining for his cock. He wastes no time tearing open the condom and hurriedly places it on himself.
The first stretch of his cock in your pussy makes him see Heaven. The sharp gasp that comes from your mouth is music to his ears and he’s careful to sink himself into you slowly, inch by inch until you’re telling him he can go further.
His cock impales you at such a perfect angle that it has you falling to your elbows, your back arched so perfectly that he’s sure you’d be the most popular pornstar if you really wanted to be. He keeps half of his cock in you to allow you to adjust, but he underestimates just how cock hungry you are because you back yourself until he’s filling you to the brim.
“Baby’s such a slut, isn’t she?” Heeseung wonders out loud. He grins when you nod. “I love you like that. So dirty for me.”
“Only for you,” you say, cheek pressed to the mattress when Heeseung thrusts in you.
The sound of skin slapping echoes throughout the room. It doesn’t take long for your wet juices to glisten over the back of your thighs and onto Heeseung’s. His hands find purchase on your hips as he pulls your body close to him, loving the way your choked moans become muffled by the mattress below.
“So. Fucking. Tight,” he moans with detailed thrusts. “So. Fucking. Wet.”
He climbs on the bed and plants his feet on the blankets, holding your body in place as he pounds into you from above. The angle has you seeing stars and rips moan after moan from you.
Heeseung grins wickedly. “Such a fuckable body. So perfect.”
His degradation paired with praise ignites a fire inside of you. You can only moan louder to let Heeseung know exactly how he’s making you feel and you can’t help but think you deserved to be fucked exactly the way Heeseung is fucking you.
The pleasure feels like an explosion of a thousand suns. Your body is warm from the hours you’ve spent in the hotel room and your neighbors getting a good night’s sleep is the least of your concerns. Heeseung’s cock drills into you from above like he’s a sex god and it nearly brings you to tears.
He turns you over carefully until you’re laying flat on your back with your head propped against the pillows. He steals one from you and puts it underneath the small of your back to create leverage before lining up his cock with your entrance and pushing himself in again.
Heeseung thrusts like he’s got to prove just how in love with you he is. Your wanton moans fill the room with his low grunts as his cock continually hits the one spot that makes you see stars, over and over again.
But you know he could do more to make you feel better. He must notice you in deep thought because he slows his hips.
“What is it, baby?” Heeseung asks when he notices your eyebrows knit together. “Is this okay? Do you need me to stop so we can take a break?”
“Take it off,” you whisper. His hips have faltered and his pace stutters at your words.
“Take what off?”
“The condom.” Heeseung nearly chokes. “Take the condom off.”
“Baby—”
“I just wanna feel you.”
Heeseung curses and his hips automatically drill into yours at the request out of pure shock. He can’t lie to himself. He’s thought about it multiple times since you left for Europe and as he’s come to term with his feelings for you. The cute fantasies about taking you on dates to dinner or drive in theaters transform into daydreams about dirty affairs in his bedroom with his seed leaking out of your perfect hole.
Still, he doesn’t believe it.
“Please, Hee,” you plead, arching your chest towards him. “Let me feel you. Don’t you want to come inside me?”
“Fuck,” he falters, his forehead on yours. “You can’t just say that…I can’t be risky with you.”
“Yes you can.” He watches you bite your lip and feels your hands push him off of you. Heeseung doesn’t put up a fight when he slips out of your warm hole and feels your hands grip his cock, desperately trying to tug the condom off of him.
Heeseung sees the pathetic rubber in your hands when you bring it up for him to see. It’s glistening and his mouth drools at the sight, lips parting enough as if he stares at it in disbelief. He groans lowly in your ear as he peppers a few wet kisses to your neck.
You spread your legs wider in the air and grip his cock in your head, pumping him a few times before letting his bare tip rest against your hole. His sharp intake is enough to make you bite your lip.
“Pussy’s so wet,” he says against your neck, pushing an inch inside of you. “God, I could come like this.”
“You can.”
“No, baby. Gonna fuck you the way you deserve before I come.”
With that sentiment, Heeseung pushes himself inside of you until he’s fully sheathed within your walls. He relishes the way you gasp at the sudden movement and he uses this angle to his advantage, positioning his ear next to your mouth to hear your delicious sounds.
He moves his hips at such a pace that it makes you feel like your body’s bouncing on top of the soft mattress below you. Heeseung presses his chest against yours to kiss you like his life depends on it, tongue invading the privacy of your mouth but you couldn’t care less where his mouth goes. He can feel your nipples on his skin and groans into your mouth when you clench at a particularly hard thrust.
“S-So good,” you stutter against his mouth with a breathy moan. Heeseung feels your arm around his shoulders, scratching at his back. “Fuck, fuck!”
“Mhm,” he coaxed. “Such a good baby. You look so pretty underneath me.”
With a new sense of purpose, Heeseung lifts himself to push himself into you at a deeper angle. He forces his hips into you harder, your hands coming to your chest to cup your tits to give you something to hold in the meantime.
“That’s right, beautiful. Squeeze your tits for me.”
You do, pinching and twisting your nipples until you hear Heeseung moan above you. It sounds nearly animalistic, the way his throat emits a groan that sounds so primal. He sees the dirty smile you paint your mouth with and leans his head down to press a kiss to your forehead before his hand comes to your cheeks, squeezing them between my fingers.
“You like it when I fuck you like this?” Heeseung asks, hips rolling against your own pelvis. When you nod, he gives you a nasty smile of his own and gives you a few harsh thrusts for good measure before pulling himself off of your chest with his cock still inside of you.
Heeseung sits on his knees and pulls out just far enough where his hot tip remains buried inside of you, relishing in the panty breaths you emit as he watches your chest rise and fall. You look so beautiful to him with your hair messed up against the pillow beneath you and with a few faint hickeys on your chest and neck. Heeseung thinks that all of his wildest dreams could never compare to how gorgeous you look when you’re positioned directly where he wants you.
You don’t complain when he pulls out to rest his cock on your wet, bare pussy. You wince at the loss and let him slide himself up and down, biting your lip when he grazes your swollen clit over and over again.
The man above you lifts your right leg so that he can grip you tighter. You relinquish any control left in your body as Heeseung curses and kisses the side of your ankle. He dips the head of his cock inside and thrusts shallowly as if to tease, but you know he’s exploring all the way his cock looks like against your own body.
It feels euphoric. The whole affair is dirty, but it’s the kind of dirty that makes you want to do it again. It’s the kind of dirty that makes this night an event you’ll want to remember for the rest of your night because Heeseung had poured his entire heart and soul for you to take.
For Heeseung, this pleasure is less about knowing you have him permission to put himself inside you. You’ve always been so sure of yourself and your body; it’s something Heeseung has always admired about you as a person. Growing up with your insecurities of relationships and dating might’ve made you feel like a late bloomer; to Heeseung, your tendency to keep your head straight has always been a testament to how knowledgeable you are about yourself and about others. You save yourself for people who are worthy of you, and god, does he want to be worthy of you.
“I love you,” Heeseung whispers from above you. His eyes are closed and he pays no mind to the feeling your pussy gives him. Flashes of your memories stitch together like a film reel with your laughter as the soundtrack. He doesn’t think he wants to hear anything else for the rest of his life.
Just for good measure, he whispers it again. “I love you so much.”
“And I love you.”
Heeseung opens his eyes to see your tender ones, cheeks flushed from the sudden compliment. He always liked that he knew how to get you to blush when no one else couldn’t. This time, a sense of pride blooms in his chest.
“I’ll never let you down,” he confesses. “And if I do, I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”
“I know, baby.” Heeseung’s hand cups your cheek and caresses it. “I trust you.”
That’s enough for him to release your leg from his grip and pound himself into you like his life depends on bringing you to peak happiness.
Heeseung’s palms are planted firmly on either side of your body as his hips roll gracefully against yours, the hot, wet mess between the two of you splashing on both of your thighs. He watches your eyes close shut and as your back arches to relieve some of the pressure, feeling somewhat proud of himself when he watches as your hands grab at the sheets for stability.
There’s nothing that compares to watching you orgasm. Your eyebrows knit as if you’re concentrating while your mouth stands slightly ajar at the euphoric feeling of that single knot that’s threatening to come undone until it does. All of the girls he’s deluded into thinking he liked could never compare to the looks and sounds you’re making.
“That’s it,” he coaxes softly. “Cream my cock, baby. That’s a good girl.”
Heeseung feels you push and clench around him, gushing until there’s nowhere left for your come to go. He peeks down at where the two of you meet and groans when he sees his cock becoming painted in a sheer layer of white. It edges him on and the moment he locks his eyes with yours, his hips begin to stutter and he spills all he has to offer inside of you.
He comes with short breaths as if he can’t believe you’ve allowed him to do so. Your hips move up and down as if to milk him for all he’s worth while Heeseung’s trying his best to balance his body on top of yours, grateful that some of his gym workouts prevent him from completely collapsing on top of you to.
His come seeps from your bodies and he pulls out, a few droplets splattering on your pussy lips. He nudges the tip against it, smearing his paint across your canvas and marveling at the sight.
“My good girl,” he murmurs, eyes locked in at his handy work.
“I’ve never let anyone come inside of me,” you say with a fond expression. Your arm comes to brush Heeseung’s hair from his face before cradling his cheek when he looks at you in surprise.
“Really?”
You nod, biting your cheek. “Well, I always knew you were it for me. I didn’t want anyone else tainting what’s yours.”
“Mine?” he asks, catching his breath. “You mean it? You’re mine.”
“I’m yours, Hee.”
“All mine,” he mutters to himself in disbelief.
You still feel his cock working itself against you. He’s still hard, a wonder after your hours locked away in your hotel room. It makes you laugh.
“No one has ever compared to you either,” Heeseung says. He doesn’t take his eyes off of you as he continues toying with your pussy. “Even when I fooled myself into thinking I didn’t like you.”
You laugh. “Well that’s good to hear. I realized all the guys I went after while I was abroad either looked like you or reminded me of you.”
“I can confidently and stupidly say the same.”
Your laughs echo through the room. Heeseung pulls your body upright, not caring that your mixed come is leaking on his cock and his bare lap. He kisses you with tender care, lips moving at a slow pace while his hands roam over the expanse of your back while your hands are on his broad shoulders. Heeseung could live like this everyday if you’d let him.
You smile midway through when you feel his fully hardened cock against you. Heeseung apologizes quietly against your lips but feels you shake your head, pulling back to push him against the headboard until he’s comfortably seated.
He looks at your pussy when you hover above him, the white cream still sticking to you as you grip his cock. Heeseung can’t believe his eyes when he understands what you’re about to do. Before he can even think, you align yourself with his cock and sink until you’re stuffed with him.
“Shit,” he curses through his teeth.
“What good is coming inside of me if you don’t do it again and again, Hee?”
“That might be the hottest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“Oh, yeah?”
You don’t move just yet, opting to press small kisses to Heeseung’s face. You kiss his forehead, both temples, his nose, both eyelids, and the apples of his cheeks before placing a kiss to his lips.
“Before we leave, I want you to fuck me against that window,” you say, turning your head to the window that glimpses the city below.
“But people can see,” is Heeseung’s first comment.
“So?”
He chokes and when you feel his cock twitch inside of you, you can’t help but laugh at him.
“I’ve heard talk about your escapades, Lee. Why so shy with me?”
He smacks your asscheek. “Naughty girl. Didn’t know you were nasty like that.” Heeseung gives you that kind of teasing smile that has you folding for him all over again. “Alright then, humor me. What else do you want to do before we leave?”
“I’d love to give you a blowjob while we shower, too.”
“That can certainly be arranged. Anything else?”
You look around the room. “I kind of want to see you eat me out while I sit on the desk chair. Makes me think you’re some kind of secretary who’s desperate for my pussy.”
“I am desperate for your pussy,” Heeseung reminds you. “What if I’m the stone cold CEO and you’re the cute secretary whose ass I dream about?”
You swat his chest. “This is my fantasy. You can have yours when we get home.”
Heeseung raises his eyebrow. “Mm, you sure?”
“Positively,” you nod. Heeseung’s hands travel from your ass to your hips and guides you up and down his cock, letting you set the pace after the brutal first round from a few minutes prior.
“Gonna fuck you in and on my car, since you like being watched so much,” Heeseung teases. His words seem to make your pussy clench and hips move faster. He forgoes any shyness when speaking about his fantasies and spills his every thought.
“I always thought you looked so cute in your old school uniform. I’ve always wanted to take you in that skirt they gave you.”
“I’ll buy one of those sexy schoolgirl costumes and surprise you for your birthday,” you say, locking your eyes with him. “Oh, professor! Is there anything I can do to raise my grade?”
Heeseung laughs at your antics, but the images of you in the costume aforementioned makes his grip on your body tighter.
“I selfishly want to watch you suck me off while I play with the guys.” He says it in a way that makes him avert his gaze and you can see a faint blush on his face. “I-I saw this video on Twitter. It looks hot.”
“I can do that for you.” You kiss both of his burning cheeks.
“But mostly, I just want you to sit on my face. Mad at me? Sit on my face. Sad? Sit on my face. Happy to see me? Sit on my face.”
“Simp,” you grunt, thighs burning from pushing yourself on and off of Heeseung’s cock.
“And proud.” He smacks both ass cheeks again. “Now what do you say, baby? If you ride me until you come, you can blow me in the bathroom before I fuck you in front of the entirety of Paris. Can you do that for me?”
*✧・゚─────────── *✧・゚
The next morning, you meet Heeseung and the rest of the guys in the lobby while Jay checks out on behalf of all of you. Jake’s the first to see you coming.
“You’re glowing and I don’t know if I like that.” He raises his eyebrow at Heeseung, who has pulled you into him by your waist.
“At least some of us are getting laid,” you retort. “I don’t recall seeing anyone do the walk of shame even though you had the room to yourself.”
Riki and Sunoo don’t try to contain their laughter as Jake’s cheeks turn a shade of pink. He rolls his eyes when you look at him, but shakes his head and punches your arm with your first.
“Nah, I’m really glad you two got that out of your system and worked it out.”
“You guys had major sexual tension,” Sunoo comments.
“Thank God Y/N’s room was at the end of the hall,” says Sunghoon. “I don’t know how their neighbors felt but I can sleep peacefully knowing I didn’t have to hear all of that.”
“Okay, enough,” Heeseung laughs. “We get it, we had a lot of sexual tension and now we’re fine.”
“So you guys are boyfriend-girlfriend?” Jungwon asks.
“Y/N is my girlfriend and I am her boyfriend.”
“I will key his car if he hurts you again,” Riki tells you, looking at Heeseung after he’s finished speaking. You detach yourself from his waist and bring your arms around Riki to give him a squeeze.
“Thanks, Riki.”
“Okay, we should call the cabs right now so we can get to the airport early,” Jay says from behind you.
“Jay is such a dad,” Jungwon whispers.
He pays no mind to Jungwon’s words, instead focusing on the way Heeseung pulls you into his chest. It warms his heart in ways he can’t explain.
“Congratulations, you two. Let’s go home.”
*✧・゚─────────── *✧・゚
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