#and uses the leftovers to create their “offspring” | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

somethingclevermahogony · 2 years ago

Text

My WIP Testaments of the Green Sea: An Introduction

Pictured Above: The Green Sea and its surrounding areas

Hello! I’m guessing that at least some of you have seen my worldbuilding posts. For those that haven’t I’ve been answering a list of question regarding my created world of Kobani and the lands within. But I am only just realizing that though I’ve been doing these questions I haven’t really explained anything about the story that takes place in this world. As such that is what I am doing here. Another note, you might have noticed on my earlier posts that I use pieces of ancient art; I do this one because the setting is based on these ancient cultures but also because my artistic skill is quite limited, someday I would love to have commissions made of some of my characters. Honestly I am insanely jealous of all of the talented artists I have seen on this site. But I’ll stop babbling and tell you about my story, I’ll try to keep spoilers to a minimum.

Testaments of the Green Sea

Long ago, the world of Kobani was a place of prosperity and magic. Humans lived side by side with giants, beasts, and spirits. Humans used magic and science as one to create cities, cities of millions whose glass and metal domes and towers reached the heavens. But the prosperity and peace of the so-called Era of Glass and Metal was not to last. Science and magic, once positive forces in the world, were twisted and corrupted. The toxic child of innovation and unchecked greed led to the creation of a new kind of science. The science of het manipulation. The het is that essential aspect of the soul that reincarnates, it is from where the spirits and monsters spring, and as humans discovered, it is a potent fuel.

Humanity fell upon itself and its former allies, harvesting and destroying, Irrevocably disrupting the cycle of Reincarnation, which had governed the Celestial spheres since the birth of the first mortal beings. By destroying het, turning the soul into energy, not only were they cast into oblivion, but no new life could come of them. To preserve the delicate system and to cease the senseless suffering and destruction, the Noble gods descended on the glittering cities of humanity. Even with their powerful weapons and science, mankind could do nothing to stop the attack. Oceans swallowed islands, continents cracked, cities burned, and others were swallowed by ice. In just four short days, nearly all the works of humanity were wiped from the planet.

But all hope was not lost. High in the mountains of Kobani, some of humanity survived sheltered by those kindly spirits who forgave the humans their transgressions. These eleven mountains which exist throughout Kobani are called the I, their ranges, the Chains of Sanctuary. For 300 long years humanity lived high on the mountains, never descending to the valleys below, cared for by their spirit hosts. When the time came, when at last the kindly mountain spirits sent them down into the valleys, they were primitive, untrained, unused to living on their own. And the world had changed. No longer were the spirits of Kobani kind and docile, but now wild and dangerous. The magic leftover from the gods presence on Kobanu, wild magic, as they say, had altered the world and its inhabitants. From animals, it made monsters, and from those scraps of humanity that had survived the destruction were born the mysterious forestfolk.

To lead those humans who descended the mountain slopes were the sages and seers, those humans birthed with the ability to see and speak with spirits and borrow their power, and the demigods, offspring of human and spirit blessed with mystical life and long life.

4,500 years after The Great Calamity, now great kingdoms and peoples sit spread across the world. In the lands of the Green Sea it is an era of bronze and stone. At the eastern edge of the Green Sea sits the land of Kishetal, once Kishetal was a unified empire founded by the Demi-god King Tamel. But now Tamel and his descendants are dead and Kishetal has splintered into feuding City-States. It is in Labisaj, once capital of the great Kishic Empire, now mere city-state that our story begins.

The slave Narul was not born in Labisaj, that much is certain. They say he was born high in the mountains in the city of Syshlum were the priestesses worship Sonma, the Goddess of the Virgin Moon, or at least that is where the slavers picked him up. He was brought to Labisaj as an infant carried in the arms of his adoptive mother, Bira, along with his adoptive brother, Suru. There the three of them became the property of the once charming and powerful King Hutbari. It soon became clear that Narul was no ordinary boy. He grew far larger than any human should. For he was a forestfolk, not quite human, not quite monster.

Princess Ninma, youngest of Hutbari’s legion of children, was quite used to seeing the giant lumbering around the palace halls and courtyard. Save for his intimidating appearance, he was unremarkable; quiet, shy, anxious, obediently following her father’s beck and call. She had never paid the slave much attention. He was just another detail in the background.

So she had no way of knowing or predicting that she, at the mere age of 5 would end up with Narul on a journey, a journey which would span decades. Together, accompanied by companions and friends the likes of the runaway Korithian Noblewoman, Otilia, the odd pair explore and try to find a home in a world of magic, demons, monsters, spirits, war, death, and love.

A Sneak Peak of Chapter 1

The blood dripped into the awaiting bowl, painting its alabaster walls crimson. The slave watched the dark liquid trickle down his arm, skirting past the hairs, rolling veins, and moles. Even after these twenty years of weekly blood lettings, he could not shake a creeping feeling of unease as his eyes followed the sanguine river creeping its way across his arm. His face gazed back at him from the scarlet pool. He could not meet his own eye, could not stand to look that creature in the face. He turned away.

Should the wild magic in his veins not be tempered, he would become rough, feral, savage, and dangerous. Or so he had been told, the dire warning pounded into his head since before he could walk. He was one of the forestfolk, the barbarous and monstrous beings which haunted the forests and hinterlands and crept across the rocky shores of remote isles. In days long past, the land which hugged the black shore of the Great Lake had been home to many kinds of forestfolk, but now Narul was an oddity.

The slave's towering and powerful figure struck awe and, more often than not, fear into those that saw him. It is typical for young boys to grow bigger and stronger and for strange things to happen to their bodies as they slowly stumble their way into the first throes of adulthood. But for Narul, it was different. He had grown massively, dwarfing even the most imposing of the city guards by his thirteenth year. The old slave quarters had even been rebuilt to accommodate his towering height. Normal men without aid of magical blood who grew to such a size became frail, their bodies stretched, their hearts strained, but not he. He had become strong, much stronger than any normal human. His head filled with thoughts of his monstrous kin, wandering the dark cedar forests.

Narul was pulled back to the present by the soft cough of the plantbrew.

The bells at the old woman’s waist jingled softly as she gently pressed a small square of spider silk against the wound, stemming the blood flow. Satisfied, she promptly lifted the sloshing bowl, walking gingerly to avoid splashing its contents on her white and green garments and made for the door, leaving behind her an eye-watering aroma, a mixture of magical and medicinal herbs, oils, wine, and blood.

Hutbari, King of Labisaj, undisputed Lord of the Southern Shore, watched the bleeding, a bowl of Kepfian wine in his palm, a dutiful slave at his elbow. He lay reclined on a fine cedar couch; the red-stained wood hugged by golden vine, the seat draped with leopard’s fur. He had a round face with a short gray beard, perfumed excessively with the oil of the hasir flower. He wore clothing made of crimson and purple linen artfully accentuated by golden embroidery. Proudly atop his bald head sat a tall crown crafted from gems, gold, and the bones of long-dead beasts polished and carved to shine like freshly fallen snow. His once tan skin was red and blotchy, scarred by both disease and the medications which tamed it.

As the plantbrew left, Hutbari sat up with a grunt, huffing as he wobbled to his feet. Life on the battlefield in his youth and the all-consuming love of luxury and extravagance in his later years had not been kind to his aching bones. The king lifted the wine bowl to his lips, loudly sucking down the last few sips, a few tiny drops trickling down the hairs of his mustache. With a satisfied sigh, he set the bowl on the arm of his reclining seat. After a second of teetering, the bowl fell. The king made a swipe to catch the falling ceramic but missed—and it shattered against the floor, shards scattering across the polished stone surface. A piece came to rest at Narul’s feet. Hutbari smirked triumphantly up at his slave, his face so artfully painted on the ceramic surface that it still seemed flush with the triumph at the dethroning of the previous king, his brother.

Hutbari scowled and grumbled. “Damn. I liked that one; my eldest gave it to me.”

For a moment he bent as if to take up one of the shards, but then he shook his head and huffed, straightening himself. He kicked a few shards away from his foot, smoothed out the front of his robes, and turned to Narul, his expression somewhat soured.

"By all the gods I swear your veins get more miserly with each passing week. Gods you are something to look at. Your lucky I take care of you.” Hutbari laughed.

Narul forced a smile and chuckled meekly.

“ Now, since that business is over, let's get to the throne room. I have those guests that I need to greet before the festival can start. I want you at my side to keep those paint-faced beer lovers from getting any ideas." Hutbari said, his mirth quickly vanished.

Narul nodded dutifully and took his place behind the king, careful not to step on his master's trailing robes. He was forced to shuffle his feet across the stone floor lest he bowl him over. The halls of the palace were buzzing with excitement and intrigue. The city of Labisaj was no stranger to visitors from foreign lands, but this was different. The proud people of Apuna, Land of the Amber Rivers, rarely left their beloved homeland.

King and slave moved through the labyrinthian halls, ignoring the excited servants and attendants, past carvings of long-dead kings and the beasts and men they slew, their decrees and codes carved in archaic dialects high above their heads. Past the kitchens and the great storerooms filled with great jars of oil and grain, the palace temple, and finally into the throne room. The painted lions, horned monsters, and dragons carved into the marble and limestone danced in the light of the lit braziers. And at the center of the room, sat a wonder of craftsmanship, a great throne of black marble and gold all bedecked in the furs of exotic beasts and monsters.

The king ignored the throne entirely, instead opting to recline in one of his preferred cedar couches, which he had positioned in front of the throne, just another of the excessive expenses the king had made in his waning years.

Hutbari’s scribes, advisors, guards, and the relatives that he had not killed or banished, filtered into the room, taking their places alongside the pillars. Even the fragile-looking palace seer had been called from her quarters to attend. She was yet another show of the old king’s vanity, for in those days while those who could communicate and work their will through the spirits were rare, and those who could be blessed by their visions were more valuable than any metal or jewel coughed up from the bowels of Kobani. She was just another golden necklace or bejeweled ring to flash in front of his guests.

Narul quietly positioned himself to the right of Hutbari, bowing his head and crossing his wrists in front of the waist of his tan skirt, the appropriate position of an idle slave when in an official setting.

The four Apunians knelt before the foreign king as they were shown into the throne room.

Hutbari and Narul knew the region in which Labisaj stood as Kishetal, home of the Kishic People, but to the Apunians, it was Kish. Kish was a land of rugged mountains, plains, and forests, of gray stone and tall cedars, a far cry from the great city of Nashawey, the jewel of the Kusr Desert. Long ago, Kishetal had once been a united empire, the most powerful state in the history of the Green Sea since the days of the Forgotten Cities of Metal and Glass. But after the death of their King and the defeat of their greatest rival, the kingdom of Arkodai, the empire had splintered into feuding city-states.

Narul had seen a handful of Apunians, mostly traveling plantbrews and artists, but never nobles. Their eyes and lips were painted with blue and gold, their ochre-brown skin rubbed with oils that smelled of myrrh and lotus. Their leader was a man of average height with wide shoulders and a narrow waist; his short beard was braided, perfumed, and dotted with beads of glass and amber, as was the style of the Apunians. He alone had not shaved his head but rather kept his long black hair braided in the Kishic style. He was called the Pabaket, a minor official, one who would not typically have been given such an important diplomatic duty.

The Pabaket’s eyes locked on the figure behind Hutbari, and he was struck momentarily with awe and a twinge of fear. The slave was towering and robust, head, shoulders, and chest over anyone else in the room. His skin was like dulled copper, slightly darker than the various Labisaji nobles, if only because of his many hours in the sun. He was not so delicately and exquisitely proportioned as the statues of gods and kings that guarded the temples. He was far more brutish in his build, with large rough hands, a broad face with thick brows, and wide powerful shoulders. His bare chest was hairy, his jaw and head covered with a thick beard and neck-length curling black hair that extended out from his head like a dark cloud.

I hope you enjoyed this! There will be more to come, including my daily question and more of my folktale, Seha and the Golden Trout. As always, please ask questions; I would love for the opportunity to talk more about my world and story.

#wip #world building #worldbuilding #queer fantasy #fantasy #fantasy writing #fantasywriters #fantasy world #Kobaniquestions #kobani #Kobani Narul Kishetal #Narul #as always if youre curious about my story please ask!#writblr #writlr

13 notes · View notes

drbased · 2 years ago

Text

Rape and the Origins of Patriarchy

Here's a dark theory for you that links the whole nature vs nurture argument for men's behaviour.

There was this innuendo studios video I watched years ago with a line that changed how I fundamentally see politics and people, which I will paraphrase here: We tend to assume that action follows belief, but in reality belief follows action. People rarely change their action upon acquiring a new belief; on the contrary, people will tend to acquire beliefs that justify what they are already doing, and even seemingly contrary beliefs will get distorted as they are acquired, so that they can be used to also justify what they were already doing.

It is a tired argument amongst feminists whether or not men rape and commit violence because it's in their nature or if they were socialised to do it, and also what the origins of patriarchy even are. I've engaged in this discussion before, but I have a new theory:

Men were already raping back when they were male animals. Male animals rape, and it is a known fact. But female animals do not seem to experience trauma as we know it. Many female animals will fight off their assailant, or develop clever ways to avoid their advances, but being overpowered doesn't seem to have the same psychological affect on them as it does us. Male animals' entire goal in life is literally to impregnate a female, and they will do that for reasons that are essentially unknown to a human being with a moral conscience. After all, we have thinking brains, we have hobbies and literature, we have romance, we have art, we have passion. Sex isn't for babies for us anymore.

But if it is so universal that humans will invent all sorts of reasons and entire belief systems to justify our actions, then what of the nature of rape? Rape is not proof of 'the male's inherent evil' because rape in nature is not evil, for animals are not moral. But it becomes evil when humans become moral; when we gain the ability to develop transcendent attachments to one another, when we develop the ability to understand and process trust and loyalty and betrayal. Somewhere down the line, sex became something incredibly moral to humans. Perhaps we understood the power of intimacy and love and how it relates to the physical vulnerability of being naked and pleasured/pleasuring a partner.

But men still had that leftover instinct to rape. And what happens when you're committing an act that you and your ancestors have been doing forever that you're now starting to recognise is 'immoral'? You double down. You triple down. You lock that guilt so tightly away and bury it under philosophy, under rhetoric, under forces so powerful that you create whole religions out of them. You are terrified of your nature, of the implications of what your actions say about you, so you must go the opposite way as much as possible: no, your rape isn't natural, it's sublime. You are not a base animal causing suffering and death; you are actually representative of a Creator God.

Feminists tend to refer to man's womb envy; that he wants to be above nature in contrast to her. But what about his own nature? After all, in nature, male animals seem to rarely notice if they actually produce children or not; some will help raise the offspring, but also some species literally die after they have sex. The idea that men care about their lineage seems to have come out of nowhere. So, what if men don't, actually, care about their lineage? What if all of this is the biggest sunk cost fallacy of them all? That patriarchy, man's transcendence, and the obsession with lineage is all one big justification because man couldn't find a better one for rape?

You see this all the time on a micro scale. People generate unhealthy obsessions and behaviours and, when challenged and made to feel guilty, they will double down and pretend that they've always wanted this. Fascism is practically built this way: misogynists and rapists will invent a pseudo-religiosity about their beliefs in order to justify their cruelty and bigotry. I don't see patriarchy as any different, and I don't see why early patriarchal bloomings would behave any differently, either.

Obviously, we do not know what happened at the long dawn of humanity, and feminists more qualified than me speak on the subjects of exogamy and of the beginnings of agriculture with regards to the beginnings of patriarchy. But I believe this idea holds merit.

#radical feminism #theory posting

3 notes · View notes

tinseltina · 1 month ago

Text

i forgot about this

but i wonder if maybe malleus's own lineage could also have played into his abilities to extract more magic, bc he is a product of 2 dragons? (like the magical power keeps increasing exponentially with each offspring)

or if not, then what if maleanor was already using some her magic to protect the surrounding land and had already been siphoning off her own magic stores (as we see she created the thorns to protect the castle, and give lilia's group an escape route) and then just didn't have enough leftover/energy enough to heal during her battle with the dawn night

Some sad thing I realized today, but I read again that faes can always drain magic from nature, so they technically have endless supply of magical power, that's why Overblot Malleus is undefeatable right now.

But if this was the case for all powerful faes, why didn't Meleanor utilize that endless magic supply to strengthen herself during her overblot against Knight of Dawn?

It would've made sense and she would've become stronger instead of weaker as the battle goes on (in game, notice that her character never heals, unlike Overblot Malleus who heals 60k HP bcs he has endless magic supply so you can't exhaust him unlike Overblot Meleanor)

So, my theory is this, like Malleus, she overblotted in purpose, but she didn't extract her strength from nature because the environment around her, mainly Land of Briar, is extremely damaged already because of human excavations and using that nature for magical strength would hurt that land even further. (Bcs remember that bcs Malleus is also draining magic from nature, some of the habitat in Sage Island "are devoid of life" like how Ortho described even the fishes are asleep)(This might even be just bcs of Malleus' sleeping magic)

So even if she has access to it, she never used that power because she didn't want to harm her own land as well and just extracted magical strength out of her own magic even if that's going to hurt her in the long term (she can never heals because she couldn't exactly heal the magic she extracted much like how Lilia can never get back the magic he exhausted to hatching Malleus even if its theirs)😭✨

which really ties into my interpretation that her choosing to battle alone wasn't her overestimating herself but that it was her sacrifice 😭✨💔

#idk im talking outta my butt with this #twst #twisted wonderland #im just SAD AGAIN

439 notes · View notes

the-hem · 1 year ago

Text

"Quicksilver." From 1 Samuel 30. Part 1.

The term ziklag means "a pint of liquid metal." As to what this probably is, I'll let you fantasize, whereas the spiritual-esoteric meaning comes from the shapelessness of a man's future once he achieves the Third Day, freedom from all delusions about violence and its causes.

As far as its role in the Kingdom of David, which means "advancing the cause of beauty" we obtain purchase with a sublime meaning hidden in the underpants of the Torah. The Gematria for ziklag is 547, hadzah, AKA huzzah! or "woo hoo!" in English, which is the precise opposite of the word for stress:

30 When David and his men reached Ziklag three days later, they discovered that the Amalekites had raided the desert hill country. They had attacked Ziklag in David’s absence, burned it,

2 and carried away the women and all the other inhabitants whom David had left behind. None of them were killed, but they were taken captive and carried back toward Amalek.

3 So David and his men arrived in the burned city and found their wives, daughters, and sons gone, taken captive by the Amalekite raiders.

4 And when they saw this, they cried out and wept aloud until they could weep no more.

5 David’s wives, Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel, were among those carried off.

The Amelakites, "the talkers" plagued Israel many times during its upbringing. No matter the effort the temple and the universities put into creating a non-violent, sentient, intelligent human race, some loudmouth, a leftover from our savage species days will be sure to come along and suggest some ridiculous costume we should all wear instead. This phenomenon, which fails to recognize humanity has not quite grasped how to be fully content yet, but it could and it should has to be addressed.

We are creating a race of reactively unattached, atypically developed monster men that want to read religious books, overwhelm civil society and turn the world into a hell on earth. The Torah and the Bhagavad Gita, even Christ said to put these people to the sword and move on.

It all begins when ziklag is attacked by talkers. God doesn't care what you do with your squirt gun, not in private, not if the boy or man or girl is of age, and has been properly educated.

The sin of Onan was not squeaking the grease, it was prejudice. Onan was told to interbreed with persons of other races and he said no and dumped his puddle on the ground and that was not what he was told to do.

Otherwise, all we are told is to do is wait till we are of age and are able to withstand the responsibilities associated with touching another person in their intimate locations.

David was no stranger to this- he seduced the Queen Prince of Israel, Jonathan and shagged his way into power, and the greatest romance of all time kickstarted the greatest Kingdom of all time, just like that.

David's future plans, his wives, suffered when his ziklag came under fire by the gossipers:

David’s wives were Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel:

Ahinoam=My Brother Is Delight, Kindred To Sweetness

Jezreel= God sows

The verb זרע (zara') means to scatter seed or to sow but may even describe merely extending one's arm or even a leg and ultimately signify the bearing of fruit or even children (hence referred to as one's seed).

Nouns זרע (zera') and זרוע (zerua') mean a sowing or that which is sown, and may refer to: seed, sperm, one child, offspring, posterity, family or a whole community. Nouns זרע (zeroa') and זרען (zer'on) specifically denote vegetables. And noun מזרע (mizra') literally means a place or agent of sowing.

Nouns זרוע (zeroa') or זרע (zeroa') or אזרוע ('ezroa') mean arm but are mostly used to figuratively to denote the seat of strength of a person or a nation or even of God.

Noun זרה (zara) also means to scatter but where זרע (zara') scatters seed to bear fruit, זרה (zara) scatters chaff and debris. It means to winnow. Noun מזרה (mizreh), describes place or agent of scattering, which in this case denotes a winnowing fork.

Abigail= to celebrate

The verb גלל (galal) primarily expresses rolling, whirling or heaping and may also denote a broad sweep (of land or time). Noun גל (gal) means heap or pile; גיל (gel), a heap specifically of dung; גלל (galal), dung; גלול (gillul), idols. Noun גלה (gulla) means bowl, basin or spring; noun גלילה (gelila), circuit, boundary or territory. Noun גליל (galil) denotes a supporting cylinder or rod; adjective גליל (galil), probably describes a cylindrical hinge column, noun מגלה (megilla) means scroll.

Noun גלגל (gilgal) means wheel; noun גלגל (galgal), wheel or whirlwind. Noun גלגלת (gulgoleth) means skull or head. In cognate languages verb גלל (galal) extends to also describe the nobility of someone who rules a region.

The parallel verb גיל (gil) expresses a circular motion as is mostly associated with expressions of joy and celebration (dance). Nouns גיל (gil) and גילה (gila) mean a rejoicing. Noun גיל (gil) describes a circle or time: an age.

Nabal of Carmel=

The denominative verb נבא (naba'), meaning to prophesy (1 Samuel 10:11, Amos 2:12, Jeremiah 2:8). This verb appears to be derived from the previous noun. Various experts list all sorts of possible origins of the concept of prophesying, but the basic idea seems to be a vicarious pronunciation of some kind of message.

The noun כרם (kerem) means vineyard. It occurs in many Semitic languages but its ultimate origin is unclear. Vineyards are mentioned over ninety times in the Old Testament, and in poetical and metaphorical passages the vineyard is a dominant symbol that commonly denotes the whole of mankind's culture. The derived noun כרמל (karmel) means plantation. An obviously related word is יין (yayan), meaning wine.

6 David, too, was in anguish. Some of his men talked about stoning him because they were so bitter about their families being taken. But David took comfort in the Eternal One, his True God.

7 He called for the priest, Abiathar, son of Ahimelech, and instructed him to bring the priestly vest, which he did.

David (to the Lord):

8 Should we pursue these raiders? Can we catch them?

Eternal One: Go after them. You will catch them, and you will certainly rescue your families.

Raiders are the little things people do to oppress the powerless, children in particular. To oppress little kids, to attempt to impress widely accepted but totally inaccurate ideas about sex, gender, masturbation, and intercourse is positively ruinous to them and to the adults that do it.

Humanity, as the Tanakh states, has endured quite a lot of unnecessary trouble, we could give it a rest and let people handle their pee pee just fine on the basis of their own jurisprudence:

Abiathar son of Ahimelech=

The verb יתר (yatar) means to remain or to be a rest (a remainder). It may emphasize the survival of some carnage (being the last ones left), but it may also emphasize surplus (rest money after all bills are paid). Noun יתר (yeter) means remnant; יתרה (yitra) means abundance; יותר (yoter) means superiority; יתרון (yitron) means excellence.

The nouns יתר (yeter) and מיתר (metar) describe cords to tie things together with. This indicates that a remnant is not simply that what remains, but rather that which kept the original collective together in the first place.

The noun אח ('ah) means brother, or more broadly: a fellow member of a social economic node (a "house") within a broader economic whole.

The noun מלך (melek) means king, and a king is not merely a glorified tribal chief but the alpha of a complex, stratified society, implying a court and a complex government.

The Bible insists that a society must be governed by a triad of anointed sovereigns, namely prophets, priests and the king. A good king causes his people to be prosperous and peaceful whereas a bad one causes poverty and strife.

The difference between the two is dictated by how close to the Law of Nature (a.k.a. the Word of God) the king operates. A kingdom that is wholly in tune with the Law consists of only sovereign individuals and is thus without a physical king.

The Gematria for this section, found in verse 7-8 is 9959, טטהט, thutt, from ash-tut, meaning "thought":

The written Torah doesn’t start with that world. The Torah begins with a beit—the second letter of the Hebrew alphabet. It starts at the second part of the story. But at first there was a world that just emanated out of thought—and never left that place.

The second part of the story is when all those thoughts descended to become a concrete world. A place that seems separate from its Creator, outside of its source. Like speech: Your words travel outside of you and become part of someone else.

That’s the world we live in for six days. A world that pretends to have no source. We try to push it around a little, it pushes us around a lot, and we both pretend that this is a real and autonomous world. That there is a world, and there is us, and we are all separate things.

But then, on the seventh day, the Creator let into this world a taste of that higher plane of the “World of Thought.” We tune into it by no longer pushing anything around—or letting anything else push us around.

The moment a boy can ejaculate is the moment his sentience truly begins. It is treated with incredible importance by the Torah. This is the moment the intense feelings that drive life onward and a capable frontal lobe in the brain begin to work together to formulate the meaning of life. It is an amazing opportunity God gave us. It means everything to the future of humanity to treat it with respect. And we are so very cruel about it, all of the time, to everyone we know.

This story shall continue.

0 notes

funky-lil-ghost · 1 year ago

Text

CROWs in MINERAF

tldr: how crows could work in minecraft if the devs were huge crow nerds and liked overwhelming complexity as a design feature and wanted to basicallt make a whoel update about crows. also they could be a cool way to introduce a more ethical iron farm design for anyone uncomfortable with the traditional ones. cause they bring shinys* :> also i love them

ideas in detail under the cut (based on real crow behaviors and such) (based on crows being delightful) (based on i love cfows it is 1am)

spawn mechanics

Crows spawn in "neighborhoods" which consist of 2-5 families living in adjacent chunks. Each family (2-5 individuals) considers one chunk their territory (where their nest spawns). Each territory is adjacent to a neighboring one, with a high chance of adjacency to multiple if present. Crow neighborhoods don't spawn near each other (some unspecified number of chunks has to be between them).

behavior

Crows are intelligent, curious, and social creatures. They peck at pretty much any block (but especially gravel and farmland). They flap and hop about playfully, often gliding and diving at one another. They return to a nest (not always their own, if a neighbor's is nearer and not full) at nighttime. At their nest, they drop leftover items such as black feathers (more on this later), iron(& gold?) nuggets, rabbit hides or feet, spider eyes, etc. These items are stored in the nest for a short amount of time (automatic fading signal strength redston component anyone? multi-power-level random clock? idk). The items may be moved via player interaction or hoppers.

Roosts are a rare behavior, similar to zombie "hordes" aka sieges. Sometimes the player may witness a large gathering of crows from multiple neighborhoods around a single nest. After night passes, they return to their homes. They do this because they are lovely and i love them there is no other purpos

black feather item

Black feathers, obtained most efficiently via nest drops and least efficiently via crow death, may be used to create a potion of [haste, phantom-repellent, or something else cool and helpful]. They may also be used for arrows.

player interaction

The removal of items from the nest, by players or hoppers, will result in a group attack called "mobbing" and severely reduce iron/gold nugget droprates. While naturally spawned crows cannot be tamed as pets, they can become friendly toward the player and cease this behavior. For this, the player must interact with the nest using seeds or any food item at about the same time of day for 3 consecutive days. This affects every family in the crow neighborhood due to crows being so so smart and communicative.

Crows may be bred using seeds or any food. The direct offspring of crows bred by the player may be tamed in the same manner as parrots. A pet crow stays with the player rather than returning to its nest. It will use any nest within a 3 chunk radius when night falls, provided the nest is not already holding the maximum 5 crows. In the absence of a nest, the crow sleeps on or near the player (this negates all of the usual nest drops). this isnt based on irl bhavior i just want t o be a crow's friend

If a player hits a crow more than once within a few seconds, or kills one, then its entire neighborhood becomes hostile to the player. They leave or attack if the player is present, mob attack if the player is in their territory, and stop dropping items at their nest while any evidence of the player is present (this includes hoppers). In the case of a pet crow, this effect applies to all crows which have previously been spawned. it can be negated on a neighbourhood-by-neighbourhood basis via extended neighbourhood taming (each neighbourhood takes 7 days of taming, rather than 3). this is because u have to be nice to them. or else. i wil be sad (it is also based on irl behavior thoug)

iron farm concept

If a player "tames" a neighbourhood, they can leave flint, string, and an iron nugget beneath one of the nests three nights in a row to facilitate tool creation and use. This increases the crows' iron nugget droprate, first immensely and then with a slow exponential increase which is eventually capped according to certain variables (aka i dont know enough about balancing things to say more). With this increase, other drops (except black feathers) decrease.

To create and maintain the maximum iron drop rates, the player must leave food for the crows once every 3 days (this may be accomplished with droppers on a timer). maybe this isnt a necessary addition but considr. they deserve a snackie snack. a treat.

It is possible to relocate a "tamed" neighbourhood (one nest at a time) by using special foods such as glistering melon slices (to distract thm with cool tasty stuff) on the nest, then using Silk Touch or shears to move it up to [some numbre of] chunks. The crows will reappear with their nest after it is placed and the chunk is reloaded. Multiple neighbourhoods may be relocated nearer to one another, as long as there is a one-chunk gap between them. because if i want a billion million crows at my house playing and hopping around..well thats my perogative isnt it. and also i must allow for overpwered farm rates because i want overpowered farm rates

in conclusion

i lov crow

*disclaimer i am pretty sure the "crows are obsessed with shiny things" idea is a myth.. they are simply curious and like to look at the stuff in their environment. since theyre primarliy urban birds (at least for the last liek 40-50 years, they werent before) (at least in the usa) (i don't know) they happen to be around shiny things a lot. so thats why they pick up shiny. because shiny is in the area just like stick or perhaps bone is in the area.

anybody wanna watch me explain my super over-complicated ideas about minecraft crows when i should actually be going to sleep

#hm it seems. to b 2am #but anyways..#crows #corvids #minecraft #mineblr #birds #um.. uh #my posts #talking times with milo #m y kitty is snoring on my lap....... i love her #bigg stretchhh #anywhosle #does anyone else say anywhosle..like anyway but anywho but anywho with a sl at the end #surely they do . i know i didnt make it up. but now writing it it looks so strange and unwordlike #ok everybody pack it up tags r over. stop it. go sleep #its over... go home. wahhhhh why did i rewatch tangos dble life earlier #JEEZ LOUISE i need to stoP and go to sleep #.but the. the typing box.. the little box.#its just so ...still here and waiting for little letters to get encodoed into it via binary data and unicode scahacters and other such #inputs and outputs and did you know the software and hardware interaction of typing is very interesting andd comlicated i dont rlly underst

5 notes · View notes

mybg3notebook · 3 years ago

Text

Gale: Hypothesis and Analogies – Part 1

Here, I compile several hypotheses that are pretty common to find around, expressing my opinion on them and showing what EA has given us so far to justify them or not.

Disclaimer Game Version: All these analyses were written up to the game version v4.1.104.3536 (Early access). As long as new content is added, and as long as I have free time for that, I will try to keep updating this information. Written in June 2021.

Disclaimer about interpretations of Real Life concepts: I’m not a fan of bringing real life issues into plain analogies/allegories in a game which intention in doing so was not made explicit, but the fandom seems to like this aspect and therefore I would like to share those opinions here as well since some seems reasonable despite not being of my taste. This topic may be sensitive for some people. Be aware of it.

Hypothesis: Gale was groomed

Concept

Grooming is building a relationship, trust, and emotional connection with a child or young person (and sometimes their family as well) to lower the child's inhibitions with the objective of sexual abuse. Grooming allows offenders to slowly overcome natural boundaries long before sexual abuse occurs. On the surface, grooming a child can look like a close relationship between the offending adult, the targeted child and (potentially) the child’s caregivers. The grooming process is often misleading because the offender may be well-known or highly regarded in the community. As a result, it’s easy to trust them. Although grooming is more common among children, it may happen with adults too, especially in work environments.

Stages: First, perpetrators may target and exploit a child’s perceived vulnerabilities: emotional neediness, isolation, neglect, a chaotic home life, or lack of parental oversight, etc. They work to gain the trust of parents/caregivers to lower suspicion.

Once the perpetrator begins to fill the child's needs, they may assume a more important role in the child's life. Perpetrators utilize tactics such as gift giving, flattery, gifting money, and meeting other basic needs. Tactics may also include increased attention and affection towards the targeted child. The perpetrator uses isolation tactics to reinforce their relationship with the child by creating situations in which they are alone together or by cultivating a sense that they love and understand the child in a way that others, even their parents, cannot.

Once emotional dependence and trust have been built, the perpetrator progressively sexualizes the relationship. When sexual abuse is occurring, perpetrators commonly use emotional manipulation; they make the child believe they are the only person who can meet their emotional and material needs. The child may feel that the loss of the relationship, or the consequences of exposing it, will be more damaging and humiliating than continuing the unhealthy relationship.

Behavioural consequence

The consequences on victims of grooming tend to be very different depending on the victim's age, personality, and psychology, but some broad leftover traits or behaviours can be summarised as:

They are too eager to please and have a great avoidance of angering others.

Big desire for privacy: they know others will not understand what they lived.

The victim becomes withdrawn, or they may seem troubled by something but unwilling to talk about it. Alternatively, their emotions might become more volatile.

They tend to be unaware of the abuse for a long while even after the relationship ended.

If they are aware, they tend to display shame and embarrassment for what happened.

They can suffer abandonment issues depending on the way this relationship ended.

They tend to develop difficulties to maintain relationships.

This situation tends to be particularly invisible or dismissed for men and boys due to social norms about masculinity.

Inside the context of BG3

First, it's important to estimate Gale's age. More or less the fandom agrees he is currently (1492DR) in his early 30s. Mystra returned in 1479DR (read the post about "Mystra and her Chosen ones" for details), so Mystra may have lured Gale into serving her as Chosen when he was around 17 years old (this depends on every player’s perception of Gale’s age)

This gives us a good estimation of the context: When Mystra returned thanks to Elminster—who gave her most of his Silver Fire—she immediately started to strengthen her network of Chosen ones and to work on repairing the Weave to its original state. Due to this unique context, Gale may have been observed by Mystra as a precious asset: a very young wizard who could not only control the Weave but compose it: a great skill to repair a still weak Weave. Furthermore, in the novel Dead Masks (1491DR), it is stated that the best way to cast a spell with a weakened Weave is to "twist" it instead of using it for tapping into the Raw Magic. In this book it is not clear if this is a skill that only Chosen ones have, but it has a strong similarity with Gale's skills.

Although we don't know much about Gale's childhood, if he was neglected or not as a child to be more easily lured by the Goddess, we can agree that it's most likely that Mystra has been watching him as a potential candidate since a child. Gale explicitly says: "I’ve been in touch with the Weave for as long as I can remember". And as far as Forgotten Realms lore goes, Weave and Mystra are the same. We also know that this is a common behaviour of Mystra who has been watching precocious, skilful wizards before choosing them for her goals: for example, Midnight.

When Gale reached an age that could be considered a "(very) young man", she seduced him, using his passion and love for Magic to lure him. She offered him a deep connection with her and with the Weave: with Magic itself. After seeing Gale's passion for magic, it is understandable that he—as a teenager or a young man—must have been dazzled by her and her proposal. We know that, in the novel Elminster: a mage in the making, she offered to Elminster exactly what he wanted the most: power to make his revenge possible . By the end of the encounter, Elminster became “charmed” by her despite hating her throughout all his life, turning into her devotee. This situation can be interpreted as another example of how Mystra works: she seems to lure her potential Chosen with the promise of giving them what they are most passionate about.

Once Mystra slept with her Chosen, and imbued her divine essence on them, she left them to their own devices, making them wait for her commands. In Elminster’s and Sammaster ‘s case, both were put under tests, being forced—by their own drive to please the Goddess—to develop more magic and personal skills to serve her. In the process, both developed an obsession for her. Elminster's seems to be less self-destructive than Sammaster's, but the latter could be understandable since he always suffered from madness. My point is, the pattern continues with Gale: driven by this obsession of wanting Mystra close, to please her, Gale tried to control an ancient magic, and failed, being abandoned by Mystra due to this mistake.

Gale, according to this interpretation as a victim of grooming, is still stuck in the process: he wants to please Mystra, wants to right his wrongs, even though in some scenes he seems to have been over her, in others he still seems to be very attached to her (it's hard to know which is the most accurate since it's EA and Gale was rushed), he keeps all this trouble in private because he knows nobody will understand.

Unlike an adult who realised he was victim of grooming, Gale seems to be still not over that relationship, showing many of the behavioural consequences:

Gale is a person who is always eager to please and avoid confrontations. If there is no choice he will use violent means, but he will always push for diplomatic approaches [1,2]. This trait seems to favour this interpretation.

He has a strong sense of privacy to the point that he is considered "shady". A lot of that desire for privacy may come from the fact that he knows no one will understand the unique relationship he had with a bigger entity. This can be seen by choosing the meanest options during the Weave and the Loss. Despite his many troubles, he remains secretive, acknowledging that "some things can't be spoken".

He is completely unaware of having been a victim of such power imbalance. He doesn't see abuse in it, and he is not performative about this fact, since he is very private on the topic until very late in game.

Nobody can deny his abandonment issues (which are even explicitly pointed out in the dev's notes) [20]

We can infer, by all the information given, that Mystra has been his first (and presumably only) relationship so far, giving a possible hint that he may have decided not to enter another relationship again or may have felt apprehensive about it (even though I personally think this impediment is mainly caused by the “orb”).

I don't completely subscribe to this interpretation because I don’t think Mystra’s main goal has been sexual abuse, but the creation of servants and devotees that allow her to expand her power. To do so, she uses sex as part of the “ritual” that transforms certain mortals into Chosen Ones. The way in which this is indirectly explained in the novels makes me remember the concept of Zeus and his abuse of mortals: he spreads part of his divinity in the form of demi-god offspring. In Mystra’s case, she seems to leave part of her divinity in the Chosen one that slept with her: the “seed” of semi-divinity.

However, it’s not clear if sleeping with her Chosen ones is a procedure she always does. Her daughters may have inherited her divinity when she conceived them while possessing a mortal body, but other female Chosen Ones seemed to be out of this process. Ed Greedwood also has a constant discourse in his novels where he explains that magic is “better” understood or much easily wielded by females because “they are connected to their emotions” and another stereotype of this kind. What seems to be clear is that Forgotten Realm lore hides as much as possible its queerness, and when it comes to Mystra, this habit of sleeping with her Chosen seems to apply (or at least make it more explicit) only to male mortals. So in short, her main goal was to catch another useful mortal to her group of Chosen Ones, and to do so, she lured Gale with all what she could offer. I also believe gods are gods, and they are immensely overpowered and entitled to do whatever they want in this fantasy world. They don't follow mortal rules, so they may have little scruples to do anything they see necessary to achieve their own goals, no matter if the consequences of their actions affect children, teenagers, or adults.

Mystra in particular has been a very neutral goddess (due to her many rebirths), not particularly cruel as an evil deity could be, but not completely selfless either: she has conceived her daughters using a mortal vessel who previously gave her consent but without knowing the consequences of giving birth each year for a decade while containing a goddess inside. Mystra also profited off of Sammaster's madness (some Harpers who wrote Sammaster’s reports suspect she could have been able to cure him): she may have actively decided not to in order to let his genius madness increase her realm of power/magic. Therefore, Mystra may have had little scruples to use a very young Gale enamoured with magic to turn him into another Chosen whose skills could fix the Weave given the context that it had been severely weakened after the Spellplague. So the grooming is not completely misplaced in my opinion.

Gale's Chosen selection process is not different to what we can read in the book of the Cult of the Dragon, where Sammaster became obsessed with Mystra after sleeping with her and developed metamagic as a consequence to impress her. Or in the novel Elminster, the making of a mage, where Elmister originally despised Mystra and every magic user. However, after being in her presence, he fell for her charm, and never could get over his "love" for her, suffering a lot of painful circumstances to just be a "good devotee" and serve her.

Mystra is written in most novels as the living allegory of the beautiful "mean" woman who will always ask for more from her poor captivated men, but she will never be completely satisfied, no matter how much they sacrifice. She acknowledges the effort, but she is always asking for more. Only with Elminster she actively tried to save him from the Hells, showing, for a change, that her Chosen can be a bit more than mere pawns in the big game of divine power. However, it's important to highlight that the last rebirth of Mystra has changed her: in the novel Dead Masks some of the Seven Sisters explicitly say that Mystra has turned paranoid, asking each of her Chosen to do missions that the others cannot know. She has become more secretive and cryptic than ever.

Mystra's actions seem to have worse connotation if we think that she can have visions of the future, as she had when she decided that Sammaster had to be her Chosen: she had foresaw the death of another Chosen and she wanted him to fill that vacuum before the event happened. So she may have foreseen Gale’s actions in his naive way to impress her. Maybe she wanted him to do it, so she could have a new piece of magic in her realm. But this is mere speculation, we will need the full release of the game to have the answer.

As I explained, despite not being a fan of it, the interpretation of grooming is not a bad one. It fits mostly if it's applied to a teenage boy, and probably it would have been taken a bit more seriously and less prone to jokes inside the fandom if Gale were a female character and Mystra a male God.

Hypothesis: Gale has abandonment Issues

Concept

Abandonment issues arise when an individual has a strong fear of losing loved ones. A fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety. It often begins in childhood when a child experiences a traumatic loss. Children who go through this experience may then begin to fear losing other important people in their lives. Some individuals continue to fear abandonment as they grow older. Although it is less common, abandonment issues can also sometimes begin in adulthood.

The loss often stems from a trauma, such as a death or divorce. Emotional abandonment, where a parent or caregiver is physically present but emotionally absent, may also give rise to abandonment issues later in life. It is not clear what makes one person develop this fear, since not all humans who have experienced similar losses do it. Trauma — potentially from abuse or poverty — may play a role, as may the level of emotional support that a person receives following a loss. These issues can have a significant effect on a person’s life and relationships because they fear that the other person will leave them at any moment.

Behavioural signs/consequences

Being overly eager to please ( a “people pleaser”)

Pushing others away to avoid rejection

Jealousy of the partner or the others when in a relationship.

Trouble trusting their partner's intentions.

Feeling insecure about their relationships.

Codependency

Need for continuous reassurance that others love them and will stay with them

Persisting in unhealthy relationships

Inability to maintain relationships: or moving quickly from one relationship to another or sabotaging them

Inside the context of BG3

I'm not going to explain this in great detail since it's spread in most of the posts I’ve done about Gale's analysis. What it's clear is that Gale has a constant fear for abandonment once he starts caring for Tav as a friend or/and lover, and this fear makes him prone to do things of poor taste. This fear seems to make him look for acceptance that only through a night of intimacy can give him. This information is apparently in the book he read, making us guess that his experience with relationships is rather poor if nonexistent. Dev's notes also reinforce the idea that Gale fears abandonment:

Gale: It is my truth, finally revealed. It is this folly that led Mystra to abandon me completely. I can only hope you won’t abandon me as well. After all we’ve been through. After the night we spent together. Surely we can brave even this side by side Dev's note: Solemn. Full of yearning, his news will not lead to him being abandoned by the player.

Gale: Loyalty is such a… such a very rare commodity. Dev's note: The reference to loyalty foreshadows Mystra leaving him.

So far in EA, we can see that Gale checks some behavioural consequences of this fear: he is always eager to please, approaching Tav with courtesy and jovial manners, only displaying his most acidic side to a Tav whose actions are evil. In that case, Gale cares little if Tav leaves him. With the Loss scene we can see that it is hard for him to give his trust to others, pushing them away because they would not understand the grave mistake he made. His trust demands constant progression from the Stew scene, to the Weave, to the Loss scene. If he is romanced, he asks several times if Tav is thinking of the Weave moment. When Tav asks him this question, Gale will deflect, always asking back to have Tav’s answer first before giving his: it could be interpreted as Gale looking for constant reassurance in the blooming relationship.

However, in my opinion, the best situation that shows his abandonment issues is during our meeting with Gandrel. Gale disapproves of handing over Astarion, by telling Tav about an anecdote of a dog turning old and mean: how his friend got rid of the animal just because it was an inconvenience. This is very curious since Gale's mistrust for Astarion is not a secret: he stated many times that Astarion is a danger to the group, and his wickedness causes him to strongly dislike him. The reason for this is quite obvious if we see both lists of approvals: mostly what one approves the other disapproves. Despite all this, Gale strongly judges Tav for handing Astarion over, and his disapproval for doing it shows that Gale is not lying on the matter: the meta-knowledge is trustworthy information.

This can be understood better when Tav defends Astarion against Gandrel: Gale approves twice of defending him. If Astarion is not in the group when meeting the monster hunter, the first approval happens when Tav recognises that Astarion is part of their companions/friends (therefore, Tav is showing care for their group). The second approval happens when Tav reinforces their loyalty to Astarion insisting that they won’t give his location (this is a clear display of loyalty that Gale acknowledges as rare. See the post of "Gale Hypotheses- Part 2", section: "Proposition to Cheat" for more details). Although Gale will explicitly question this decision, he secretly approved it (the approvals we saw are meta-knowledge: only the player sees them). Considering the undeniable context that Gale deeply dislikes Astarion, we may interpret this as Gale seeing in Tav a loyal person who will not abandon someone they care for, even if that person endangers them. Loyalty is something that resounds deeply in Gale due to his abandonment issues.

Another detail on this matter can be seen during the party. If Tav arranges spending the night with a companion and then asks (non-romanced) Gale the same, he will answer:

Gale: You are all too quick to abandon the one you promised yourself to. It’s not a quality I admire.

This line shows that first, Gale is not interested in casual sex; he needs the connection that the Weave provides and Tav’s explicit, previous romantic interest in it. Second, when Gale is romanced but Tav sleeps with someone else, Gale will not interfere in that affair, but he may not like it (due to his, I suppose, jealous comment since he doesn’t display an approval penalty for this). However, he seems to equate loyalty with commitment, understanding that affair as a fling but believing he still holds the romantic interest of Tav, hence his proposition the next day. More details in the post of "Gale Hypotheses- Part 2", section: "Proposition to Cheat".

---------

Sources for both parts:

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders ( 5V)

Some concepts were summarised from: https://melcrowecounsellor.com www.d2l.org/child-grooming-signs-behavior-awareness/

This post was written in June 2021. → For more Gale: Analysis Series Index

#bg3 meta #bg3 gale #gale #gale of waterdeep

98 notes · View notes

yusuke96universe · 3 years ago

Text

Turles and Lord Slug Team Up Pitch

Introduction

Hello guys, after watching MasakoX's What If Turles Turned Good parts 1 and 2 [which act more like an origin story for him within the frameworks of modern Dragon Ball similar to Super Broly] I thought I would share an old headcanon origin I had for another Dragon Ball Z movie Villain, Lord Slug and how it could make for an excellent part in this What If story that has captured my imagination. Also, it opens up a lot of potential avenues for ood DBZ storytelling.

I know he's considered one of the most uninteresting Villains in the franchise since he is essentially King Piccolo from space, but rushed in an hour long movie. Let's face it, a lot of DBZ villains aren't inherently interesting characters and usually are introduced as Pure Evil tropes

Trope Talk: Pure Evil https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-XprjlATEo

Irrelevant backstory

very simple motivation

enthusiastic, zestful villainy

Pure self-confidence

Third -Act Breakdowns (where they are faced with what they truly fear and usually fail)

Afterward, they could be open to becoming a more nuanced character to explore as we've seen done time and again with cast of redeemed or evolved villains in Dragon Ball

A lot of the movie villains from the franchise would be more interesting if they weren't rushed or were expanded on and boy does Lord Slug bring a lot to the table if he is expanded on.

1) You could have Turles and Lord Slug form a dynamic duo that counterparts Goku and Piccolo. Turles is a trouble-making youth-filled underdog who has taken a shine to the crabby old man that is Slug. Turles could use a lot more modern methods to contrast Slug's far more traditional warmongering that he's developed over the centuries. (They did it a little in Xenoverse 2, but you could really expand upon it in a MasakoX styled What If) Plus, the Tree of Might likely has the ability to restore Lord Slug's youth since it canonically resurrected fossils, so Turles literally has the solution to Lord Slug's main problem plaguing him and is an open-minded businessman by nature. This hypothetical team-up of working together to gain more power, invade planets for their resources and overthrow the Universal order by killing Frieza before returning to enemies, acts as an inverse counterpart of Goku's and Piccolo's initial alliance against the Saiyans invading the Earth interfering with Piccolo's own conquest, but opened the doors for change in him and others.

2) Most likely these 2 would start off as enemies and have their forces face off against one another, but this struggle is a good thing in the long run because they could potentially provide each other, their own personal Third Act Breakdowns or at least teach each other recognize their own flaws and weaknesses to help each other grow as characters.

Lord Slug's backstory, retooled

Planet Slug

The most fun thing I found was that they gave Turles a proper origin story to build a character around, well I have a suggestion for a similar concept for Lord Slug that I think you guys could use in many different ways, but before that. Here are the facts. In the backstory I found in supplemental materials, it is stated by Guru that Lord Slug and other Evil Namekians could have possibly escaped the crisis on Namek and moved to far-flung planets in other parts of the Universe. One Super Namekian named himself after the Demon inhabited world he found himself on, known as Planet Slug. And judging from the movie, Planet Slug is most likely an icy or snow-covered planet since the Demons needed special suits to withstand the Earth's temperature.

By the way, I imagine that Planet Slug and its people could have a Mongolian theme. (I have a sketch I did for an alternate costume for Slug, but I don't remember how to post atm)

If say Lord Slug came to this planet and eventually took it over in the King Piccolo style, then I could see him having birthed a clan of Evil Namekian children to help him in this endeavor. So let's say there are about as many Namekians children as Guru or King Piccolo birthed, then they are likely different clans of Namekians on the Planet, including a Dragon Clan member capable of creating their own set of Dragon Balls. In this way, Planet Slug could act as an alternate substitute for Planet Namek, but one closely resembling how the team initially pictured Namek as a planet full of evil Piccolos, instead of the peace-loving farmers of Namek. Now, why would Slug be in space expanding his Empire and searching for Dragon Balls when his planet likely already has a set? In the movie, it's best not to think about it, but here is my idea.

Why Lord Slug is REALLY in Space

One of Lord Slug's offspring usurped him from the throne due to his old age and sickly body. So Slug was humiliatingly forced to flee his home or was looked down on as a non-threat banished him and his most loyal men off-world to live in shame and to never be seen again. So he is conquering other planets, partly because he is a refugee, but mostly because he is overcompensating for his lost and trying to help his ego by living in denial and reassuring that He is the Baddest Baddie who ever lived and terrorize/kill those weaker than him as he ever expands his empire, lamenting his old age and sickened body. He believes that if he was in his prime, he could take his throne back no problem and make them all pay for wronging him. Luckily, Slug doesn't need the Dragon Balls to regain his youth. If the Tree of Might's Fruit is capable of reviving fossils, it should be able to restore the Super Namekian to his former glory once again.

Turles's Crusher Corps vs Lord Slug's Army

A fun way they could introduce the factions to each other is as competition for a lush planet. Turles wants it for the Tree of Might, and Slug wants to freeze it for them for their conquest. They both are in each other's way, so they all fight it out. I think Slug has stronger minions, but Crusher Corps have better teamwork, and with Turles being in prime fighting condition, he would tip the scale in their favor much like Goku did in the movie.

At first, I thought Slug wouldn't be much of a match for Turles in his old and sickly state, a little trouble sure since he is the strongest, but that aged body wouldn't do him any favors. However, the first Google search result I got on Old Slug's Power level said he was at 79,000 so he's stronger than I first thought. (I thought he was around Nail's power level roughly in the 40,000) I also heard that Turles was around 19,000 but by the end of the movie was like 300,000. These power levels don't mean too much when reimagining the stories, just that Turles might have more of an uphill struggle. So, Turles would first have to eat some Fruit to win in a landslide and hopefully, the Terrafreezing process didn't ruin the Tree of Might's process.

Right before the killing blow, Old Slug might've mentioned something In desperation to save his own life. He could've brought up the Dragon Balls on his home Planet Slug/ Namek could grant any wish he wanted. This is just enough to stop Turles from following through with his attack, but it takes a little more coaxing for Slug to sell the legitimacy to Turles. A part of Turles thinks this might just be hogwash, but if this is anything like the Tree of Might, this could be a huge find. Another game-changer. He has his men take Slug with them as he checks in with the Heaters' database and finds there could be a kernel of truth to this tall tale. So Turles generously spares the old Slug's life for this useful tip which is met with some impatient ire.

If you hate being old so much, why don't you just use these Dragon Balls of yours to make yourself young again? -Turles

I would if I could, but... but I can't. I've been banished from my homeworld by my own children after they usurped me from my throne.-Slug

hahaha So you're just some washed-up old geezer trying to feel tough by throwing your power around at a bunch of weaklings. -Turles

Watch it! If I was in my prime, I wouldn't have ever let that rebellion get that far and even made short work of you and your men. If it weren't for that Fruit of yours, you'd be nothing. -Slug

WHAT WAS THAT. (composes himself) Interested in the Fruit are you, well I am not naive enough to let you ever sink your rotten teeth in one. At least, not for free. We, the Crusher Corps, are branched off of the Heaters' group who are known to deal in intelligence. If you have some more valuable information to pass on then, I could be convinced to trade off a leftover Fruit from our latest venture. Do you have anything else to offer me, old man?

(Slug’s low growling sounds are giving Turles just the biggest shit-eating grin on his face)

Slug could tell Planet Slug's coordinates, could act as their guide, or how to use their Dragon Balls, or even that they need a native speaker to use them and a password.

Turles throws him a Fruit as he is a businessman and honors his deals. This not only works in reviving the Elder Namekian, but the results are far better than expected by restoring Slug to his prime. Turles is both impressed and a little unnerved by this so he opens up a dialogue as he scans Lord Slug's new power. (he thought it would add a few decades back onto his old life since he seemed ancient, but it straight up made him young again) They discuss what had just happened and Turles's operation using the Tree of Might's Fruit to amass enough power for him and his men to kill Frieza and possibly overthrow him. Lord Slug in the meantime has been enjoying his youthful appearance and renewed vigor during the conversation, not looking Turles in the eye, but still expressing interest in this operation and compliments the plan. Turles offers a proposition to Lord Slug to join them on this endeavor if he helps them get those "Dragon Balls" he mentioned right before.

That's right. You're interested in the Dragon Balls, are you? Well, I am interested in that Tree of yours. It could keep someone young and strong forever, and this whole operation of yours is simply remarkable! -Slug

So you're in? -Turles

Remarkable enough for me to take it for myself! So I'll be doing just that! - Slug

Round 2 Super Namekian Rampages

The Super Namek overwhelms all of them, even Turles, after just eating a bunch of fruit, the gap is just too wide. He sadistically tortures them and strikes fear into their hearts. Turles isn't just put on the backfoot, he ends up on the brink of life and death. He needs to reach down deep, and something in him snaps, could be his Saiyan pride, could be becoming helpless and at someone else's mercy, could even be one of his men, that unbeknownst to himself, he had grown fond of perished, his regret for overly relying on outside gains to accomplish his ambitions. Don't know, don't care, but something doesn't sit right with Turles and this something acts as the catalyst for him to transform, but not into the traditional Super Saiyan we've all come to know. No, Turles goes into the False Super Saiyan state and overwhelms the Super Namek almost beat for beat like FSSJ Goku vs Slug from the movie, but this time, it lasts the duration of the fight. It's more of a SSJ Goku vs Frieza kind of fight with Turles's victory.

Turles diet of Tree of Might fruit has affected his body's genes and so when he transforms it's not the traditional SSJ form like everyone else, but the False Super Saiyan state that Goku used against Lord Slug. (The Saiyan loses their pupils and also uses SSJ's original color scheme with the flickering red and black hair and the orange skin with a lingering Aura effect) They could have a lot of fun with the benefits and drawbacks this form and its potential evolutions could have. False SSJ potentially falls into the theme of using Fruit as a shortcut to power vs earning the power legitimately or as a simple means to contrast with Goku.

Post Fight ~ Alliance?

Slug doesn't die though, or if he does, Turles is smart enough to revive him with the Tree of Might's extract in a similar way as the fossilized twins were. The reason is simple, Turles believes that Slug's knowledge of his people is going to be essential in the nearby future, and since he's shown whose boss by dominating the Super Namekian, they can now work together to overthrow stronger enemies like Frieza by using his Planet's Dragon Balls. The Crusher Corps gets a guide and an ally; Slug gets his revenge and the prospect of taking Frieza's empire for himself by joining this operation is too much for him to pass up. This is a temporary truce to defeat stronger opponents and gain power, but once that is over, they are going back to killing one another similar to how Goku and Piccolo formed an alliance against the Saiyans invading earth.

1) A Super Namekian could exploit their race's fusion ability through some method of Mind Control like in the original Broly movie. So Slug or his evil offspring could literally absorb one another or even someone as powerful as Nail or Piccolo if the influence is strong enough to join together. And Turles with the Heaters' resources might just be able to provide a means to provide Slug this, with some precautions of course.

2) Slug might have knowledge of Kai and Demon Realms considering he is both an older Namekian like Guru, and the fact that he Planet Slug is literally inhabited by Demons, a different breed of Demons, but still Demons nonetheless. In the games, the Tree of Might's Fruit had its effects amplified in the Demon Realm, but the same might be said if the Tree is planted on the World of the Supreme Kais or Beerus' planet. It's just a possible option for later down the line, but if there was ever a planet that could sustain that Tree and boosts its effects it would be one of these places.

This is it, I know MasakoX likes to do the space opera thing with multiple factions and also like to mix things up from the original story from time to time, so I thought Planet Slug would be an interesting means to do so and giving Turles a partner to bounce off of is typical Toriyama writing, could even open up new avenues to explore.

Am I expecting this to happen. Honestly, I have low expectations MasakoX and his team would do this and they got their own plans of inserting Turles into the main story likely connected to the character in the hood (who is probably Zamasu for some reason like in the Gero What If) or one of the Saiyans from Turles' team or even eager to get him into the main story with the Z-Cast, possibly trying to win Gohan to his side, but getting converted by him like what happened to Piccolo, but I don't mind. My expectations are low, but my hype is through the roof, and needed to share my fan theories with someone.

#dragon ball z #dbz #dragon ball #lord slug #turles #slug #tree of might #masakox #what if #dragon ball what if #false super saiyan #false ssj #super namekian #super namek

10 notes · View notes

half-bakedboy · 4 years ago

Text

A Real Good Big Brother (read on ao3)

Celebrating my 200th fic posted to AO3 🎉

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid Rated: General Summary: “I think I would be a real good big brother,” Jack noted one Saturday morning as Spencer assisted him in mixing the pancake batter Hotch had stashed in one of the top cabinets. Hotch was sipping coffee out of a mug Jack had made him at school - it was adorned with big bold letters that read ‘MY DADS A SUPERHERO’ and Hotch favored it over most other projects his son had created for him - when the words registered in his mind.

“Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.” – Marc Brown

“I think I would be a real good big brother,” Jack noted one Saturday morning as Spencer assisted him in mixing the pancake batter Hotch had stashed in one of the top cabinets. Hotch was sipping coffee out of a mug Jack had made him at school - it was adorned with big bold letters that read ‘MY DADS A SUPERHERO’ and Hotch favored it over most other projects his son had created for him - when the words registered in his mind.

His brain tried to form a coherent response but instead, he sputtered as his caramel flavored coffee dripped down his chin and onto the tablet displayed on the table. Spencer whirled on him as he coughed and Hotch wiped frantically at his mouth as Jack followed his gaze with a wide-eyed stare. Hotch waved them off as he struggled with his breath and Jack seemed to take the gesture easily with a shrug of his shoulders, clearly too focused on the prospect of pancakes to care that his dad had choked. He turned back to Spencer who was almost at his eye level from where Jack stood on the stepstool kept in the kitchen specifically for mornings like that one and smiled brightly at him.

“Daddy needs to learn how to drink his caw-fee,” Jack said through his giggles. Spencer ruffled his hair before he used his thumb to swipe a bit of powder off of Jack’s nose and the boy scrunched his nose in response.

“Your dad was probably a bit surprised by what you said,” Spencer said easily as he continued to help Jack stir the still lumpy batter. Jack looked up at him and tilted his head in confusion.

“Eloise at school is gonna be a big sister and she said her mom and dad are teaching her how to help out ‘round the house,” Jack said excitedly as he reached for the blueberries on the counter, his tongue poking from his mouth in concentration as he plopped a few into the bowl. When he was satisfied with the ratio, he continued, “She said that her mom was teachin’ her how to make a bottle, which seems like a lot of work for a baby sister.”

Spencer chuckled softly as he handed the bowl to Jack for safekeeping so he could spread the oil on the griddle. “Baby siblings are a lot of work, you’re right,” Spencer agreed and Hotch could have sworn he saw a blush rising on Spencer’s cheeks as he listened to Jack switch smoothly into his only slightly convincing speech on why he deserved a puppy to grow up with.

Hotch took the change in subject as a welcome few moments to catch his breath and clear his thoughts. He had known Jack hadn’t meant anything by bringing up the idea of a younger sibling, but Hotch had been more surprised by the surge he felt in his chest at the mere mention of another kid.

He and Haley had talked about it, bouncing around the prospect of a sibling for Jack, as they inched closer to their divorce. Hotch had always seen the idea as another way for Haley to persuade him to leave the career that made him happy, like collateral of sorts to save their already failed marriage. He had grappled with the idea because, in his heart, he had always wanted more kids. He had loved being an older brother and no matter how many times he had seemed to be the only one there to pick up the shattered pieces Sean left behind him, he wouldn’t have traded his brother for the world. There was an increasingly large part of him that had wanted Jack to experience the same thing and to hear that his son had been thinking about it too was a bit too much to handle.

Spencer was never quiet about his lack of paternal instincts or his worries of passing what he saw as flawed genetics down to an offspring so Hotch had never thought to bring up the subject. When they got together, Spencer had made it clear that he was willing to be a part of Jack’s life in whatever way Hotch and Haley had wanted him to be, and they had never discussed the topic further. The look Spencer had thrown his way at the mention had Hotch strongly considering broaching the subject for the first time.

A sizzle and excited clap threw him from his thoughts and his eyes darted to where Spencer and Jack had successfully ladled their first pancake of the morning on the griddle, wide smiles on their faces. Jack had his arms wrapped around Spencer’s bicep in a tight grip, his toes keeping him balanced on the stepstool as he watched the batter spread. Spencer was focused on keeping Jack safe, eyeing him carefully with so much love in his eyes, Hotch’s heart seemed to stutter in his chest. Hotch’s gaze moved to his son whose smile seemed to light up his face, the prevalent gap in his teeth on display as he beamed at the mathematical symbol Spencer had created with the mixture.

Nothing made Hotch happier than the sound of joyful laughter reverberating through the air as Spencer wiped his index finger across the edge of the bowl before smudging some leftover batter on Jack’s cheek. His son shrieked and jumped off of the stepstool, running to Hotch for cover as if there was no doubt in his mind that his dad would protect him. Hotch stood quickly, pulling Jack into his arms and holding out a hand as Spencer turned to them, ladle and bowl in hand.

“You don’t want to do this, Spence,” Hotch said in the most serious voice he could muster given the playful circumstances. Spencer pressed his lips together as if concealing a laugh and glared very unconvincingly at the father and son. Jack was squirming in Hotch’s arms, giggles and squeals like music to his ears even if they echoed just a bit too loudly.

“Don’t let him get me, daddy!” Jack begged as he threw his arms around his dad’s neck and squeezed until Hotch could barely breathe. Hotch didn’t really care, though, because what better place for his son to be than in his arms with the love of his life watching on with joy in his eyes.

“What do you think, buddy? Think we can take him?” Hotch said as Spencer walked slowly toward them and set the bowl and ladle on the table. Spencer raised his eyebrows in mock concern and tilted his head like a challenge as his bright smile etched into Hotch’s mind.

Jack pulled away from Hotch enough to point his fingers at Spencer just as Spider-Man would and yell, “Let’s get him!”

Hotch set Jack on the ground and they both surged forward before Spencer had a chance to back away. Jack launched himself at Spencer’s leg, gripping on as tight as he could, and when Spencer leaned down to remove him, Hotch wrapped his arms around Spencer’s waist and swung behind him. He pressed his fingers into Spencer’s sides where he had known his partner was ticklish and Spencer straightened to attempt an escape.

Spencer could wiggle all he wanted to, but Hotch’s grip was secure on his hips, his chin tucked over Spencer’s shoulder to hold his back to his chest. Jack’s giggles were only interrupted by the sound effects he created as if shooting webs at Spencer’s face. Spencer squirmed as if deflecting each shot before letting his head fall back as if defeated by Jack’s superhero moves.

“We got you, Pence! Daddy and I got you!” Jack screamed as he wrapped his legs around Spencer’s calf and leaned back to stare up at the two men. Spencer had settled back into Hotch, their fingers laced together around Spencer’s middle, both of their chests heaving as they caught their breath. Spencer pressed a soft kiss to Hotch’s stubbled cheek and Hotch’s eyes slid shut at the gentle touch. “Yuck!” Jack scrunched up his face and asked with a voice full of disdain, “Why do you always have to make moony eyes at each other?”

Hotch chuckled before returning a kiss to Spencer’s cheek and detangling them reluctantly. “Because that’s what adults do when they’re happy, Jack,” Hotch answered as he made his way to the counter to grab the neatly plated pancakes and bring them back to the table.

Jack jumped onto his booster chair and Spencer instinctively pushed him closer to the table before pressing a kiss to his tousled hair. Jack swatted him away but leaned into the palm Spencer rested on his shoulder anyway. Hotch felt a tug inside of him as he watched his partner and his son interact and had to inhale deeply to stop himself from blurting out the question he had known he had to ask Spencer.

“You know what makes adults even happier?” Jack asked as he plastered an innocent smile on his face. Hotch shared a skeptical glance with Spencer before he took his own seat and started slicing up Jack’s breakfast for him.

“What would that be?” Spencer asked after a few moments of silence. Hotch should have known Spencer’s curiosity would get the best of him.

Jack’s grin widened as his eyes darted hopefully between his dad and Spencer. “More kids.”

#hotchreid #hotchreid fic #hotch x reid #reid x hotch #spencer reid #aaron hotchner #my writing #god i cant believe it #this is so surreal #and i didnt even realize that i had hit 200 🥺#i really hope you like this one #its just straight up domestic fluff #because thats how i roll #*fingerguns*

101 notes · View notes

notknickers · 1 year ago

Note

oh, fuck, why? a few considerations: i need to stop tumblring when i'm exhausted and sleep-deprived, since i'll have to deal with the consequences the morning after and, honestly, sourcing receipts is the last thing i wanted to have to do; i'm flabberghasted at how much more eloquent i sound when i'm basically flat-lining, energy-and-brain-wise, than on the regular. the magic of ADHD, i guess; i'm still trying to figure out the fuck i was trying to say about this post i barely have any memory of and wish i didn't have to. so, onwards, i assume...

Nikola used to be a human before being transformed by Gregor, and this human was a man (Joseph Grimaldi), and presumably of woman born. But Nikola is still referred to with She/It pronouns, so we might consider her a trans woman, applying her for the Gender Clause anyway.

i think that, what i was trying to say with "nikola orsinov started their life as the human joseph grimaldi in the same way a leather sofa started its life as a cow" is that, when you see a sofa, do you closely associate it with the parts that make it up? would it make sense to invite someone over to your new flat and, upon entering, exclaim: "behold! a cow!" whilst standing in your living room? when the final product barely even carries any resemlbance to the source material used to create and shape it? one could argue visual similarity is of little import, since the fact itself that the tanned and treated hide of a cow were used and, since like much else, cow leather has specific inherent properties, it will influence the appearance, use and other variables of the final product itself for which it is used. in this way, the cow will always be there. but ask yourself? is it still a cow in spirit? i would assert no. likewise, (and i should have said the grimaldi of theseus, not the nikola), the spare parts our good and crafty gregor used in the creation of his puppet offspring were just that. inert parts of a corpse. us humans are sentimental: we see inanimate flesh in a recognisable shape and we still give it the name it bore in life, even if it is not that anymore. i don't think it's such a wild leap to assume that grimaldi was dead or dying when he was dissassembled to be repurposed. certainly, when he was reassembled. (and i'd like to remind that the leftover of the poor man - since not even all or most of him went into nikola - was fed to nikolai dennikin, the shuddering organist (leanne dennikin's grandfather, MAG 234_Strange Music), as per MAG 128_ Heavy Goods

They did not like the puppet when Orsinov began to carve it, as it seemed wrong to try and bring one like them about. However, when Orsinov carved into the thing that once called itself Grimaldi and fed the unneeded pieces to the shuddering organist, even they were impressed. 🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪

But Nikola is still referred to with She/It pronouns, so we might consider her a trans woman, applying her for the Gender Clause anyway.

is nikola a trans woman? this is the kind of question that can receive two completely different answers that are substantiated by seemingly mutually exclusive arguments and yet work all the same. nikola is a creature, born of cruelty, excrutiating pain and foul power. nikola is not human (see point above, grimaldi notwithstanding). also, she was created and came into existance wholeclothe. she neither needed to grow, nor be socialised, for her purpose was impressed in her very essence and such things were unneeded. further, nikola never refers to themselves as a she, nor an it. the people born in a wolrd in which gender plays a major role do it for them, applying (or misapplying) their own categories to something that is simply other. this is a limitation of both language and culture. a human quirk, if you will... for a thing so alien, gender is a triviality of minimum import. i should also like to notice that being fixed in a stable identity and role is anathema to those of the stranger. nikola themselves can seamlessly shift between mannequin ringmaster (MAG 83_Drawing a Blank, MAG 118_The Masquerade, MAG 119_Stranger and Stranger, clown doll (MAG 24_Strange Music, MAG 119_Stranger and Stranger), human-like figure (MAG 87_The Uncanny Valley as megan the flensing artist.) to shore up my statement about the nature of the stranger and its adversarial rapport with a defined identity ( and, thus, the eye, which seeks to categorise and statically define), i offer MAG 3_Across the Street, in which eye-touched amy patel is the sole thing standing between the not!them that has been pursuing graham folger for a while... until she isn't. and, in the aforementioned MAG 128_ Heavy Goods, Breekon and Hope seem to be the only entity emanations that lean into the identities they have constructed for themselves more reliably than any other. that said, can a non-human creature, with non-human upbringing (or no real upbringing to speak of) adopt a human concept for themselves, even when they probably have little use for - or any real notion - about it? of course! when you have no need for fixed identities, you can don all the trappings of it for as long as you like and for any purpose you like.

🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪

[...] we'll leave the Unconventional Birth Clause and Birth Parent Clause untouched.

i should say that being created and not born and having a cis man birth you both qualify, respectively, for the unconventional birth and the birth parent clauses, n'est pas? so, to summarise: gender clause: as far as we know, nikola does not identifye an anything other than nikola and, even then, they are rather unattached to their conception of self outside this simple fact; unconventional birth clause: sorry for becoming self-referential, but as i previously stated: nikola is a creature, born of cruelty, excrutiating pain and foul power. nikola is not even human in any sense of the word. nikola is simply nikola: does it ge tany more unconventional than that? birth parent clause: with cis being perceived as the norm, the default and no hint pointing in other direction, i'm fairly confident in affirming that gregor orsinov was a man. more specifically, the kind that does not possess the required features to give birth himself the same way other members of our species do.

🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪

one last note in closing, as i believe i have earned my right to simp. regardless of whether nikola meets the requirements, i think not only could they kill macbeth. they could kill the whole world, if they wanted to. and we, we should support them in any endeavour. okay, bye.

(p.s.: given how gregor orsinov was russian, shouldn't nikola complete name be something along the lines of nikola gregorovna, rather than orsinov? any russian tumblrina want to step in and clarify this?)

Could Nikola Orsinov from The Magnus Archives?

Yes, Nikola Orsinov from The Magnus Archives podcast could kill Macbeth!

((No image available))

At face value, this seems rather easy; she's a sentient mannequin made by Gregor Orsinov, so she applies for all three Clauses, right? Well, it seems to be a bit more complicated than that, from what I can tell.

As for the other two Clauses, it really depends on whether we see Joseph and Nikola as the same person at different points of her life, or if we see them as two separate entities, and Joseph's corpse was just used as the materials to bring Nikola into existence. The wiki isn't entirely clear on this, and there very well might be something in the podcast itself that disambiguates this, but until someone comes forward with the receipts, we'll leave the Unconventional Birth Clause and Birth Parent Clause untouched.

Either way, Nikola is still able to kill Macbeth regardless!

Nikola Orsinov was also requested by @crows-junk-pile and an anonymous asker (who I will answer separately since they also asked about another character I haven't covered yet). Thank you all for your submission!

#tma meta #the stranger #the circus of the other #gregor orsinov #nikola orsinov #joseph grimaldi #not!them #breekon and hope #nikolai dennikin

65 notes · View notes

love-pyramus · 4 years ago

Note

Hi, you're on a rock floating in space. Pretty cool, huh? Some of it's water. Fuck it, actually, most of it's water. I can't even get from here to there without buying a boat. A plane is shown flying from South America to Africa. The plane fades off the screen, and a lone, sad stick figure is shown standing on Africa. NARRATOR: It's sad. I'm sad. I miss you. The camera pans left across the globe to show more sad stick figures also standing on South America, North America, and Europe. CHORUS: How did this happen? NARRATOR: A long time ago- Actually, never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. When? Never. Makes sense, right? Like I said, it didn't happen. Nothing was never anywhere. That's why it's been everywhere. It's been so everywhere, you don't need a where. You don't even need a when. That's how "every" it gets. A long pause happens. NARRATOR: Forget this. I wanna be something. Go somewhere. Do something. I want things to change. I want to invent time and space, and I know it's possible because everything is here, and it probably already happened. I just don't know when to start, and that's exactly where it started. The sound of VCR fast forwarding plays. NARRATOR: Ooh, I paused it. I think there's a universe now. What's it made of? CHORUS: Quarks and stuff! NARRATOR: Ah, that's a thing, in a place. Don't like it? Try a new place, at a different time. Try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier, but it's not empty yet. It's still very full and about a kjghpillion degrees. About no seconds pass. NARRATOR: Great news! The quarks are now happily married and in groups of three, called a proton or a neutron, and there's something else flying around too that wants to join in but can't because it's still too- An explosion goes off while the screen says, "HOT." 10 minutes pass. NARRATOR: Great news! The protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other. Some of them even doubled up. About 380,000 years pass. NARRATOR: Great news! The electrons have now joined in. Congratulations! The world is now a bunch of gas in space, but it's getting closer together... 10 million years pass. NARRATOR: ...and it's getting closer together... 500 million years pass. NARRATOR: ...and it's getting closer toget- An explosion occurs. CHORUS: It's a star! NARRATOR: New shit just got made. Some stars burn out and die. Bigger stars burn out and die with passion, and make some brand new, way crazier shit... CHORUS: Space dust! NARRATOR: ...which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into- CHORUS: Even crazier space dust! NARRATOR: ...so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things, like this ball of flaming rocks for example. NARRATOR: Holy shit! We just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks, and it kind of made a mess, which is- CHORUS: Now the Moon! The year is now -4,000,000,000. NARRATOR: Weather update, it's raining rocks from outer space. NARRATOR: Weather update, those rocks might have had water inside them, and now, there's hot steam in the sky. NARRATOR: Weather update, cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava. NARRATOR: Weather update, it's raining. NARRATOR: Severe flooding alert! The entire world is now an ocean. NARRATOR: Volcano alert! CHORUS: That's land! OCEAN: (Mumbles) There's life in the ocean. NARRATOR: What? CHORUS: Something's alive in the ocean. IMMATERIAL OBSERVER (IO): Oh, cool. Like, a plant or an animal? The camera zooms in on a single-cell organism. NARRATOR: No, a microscopic speck. It lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup which is being served hot and fresh, made from gnarly space ingredients leftover from when it was raining rocks or whatever. The cell divides. NARRATOR: Oh, yeah, and it can do that. Those cells divide many more times. NARRATOR: It has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. So that's pretty nifty, I would say. NARRATOR:

Tired of living at the bottom of the ocean? CHORUS: Now you can eat sunlight! The year is now -3,000,000,000. NARRATOR: Using a revolutionary technique, you can convert sunlight into food. CHORUS: Taste the sun! The year is now -2,300,000,000. NARRATOR: Side effect, now there's oxygen everywhere and the sky is blue. Then the Earth might have been a snowball for a while. Maybe even a couple of times. The year is now -500,000,000. NARRATOR: It's a sponge. It's a plant. It's a worm, and some other types of weird, strange water bugs and strange fish. CHORUS: It's the Cambrian explosion! IO: Wow, that's animals and stuff. SEA LIFE: But we're still in the ocean. Hey, can we go on land? CHORUS, as LAND: No! SEA LIFE: Why? CHORUS, as LAND: The sun is a deadly lazer! SEA LIFE: Oh, okay. CHORUS: Not anymore, there's a blanket. NARRATOR: Now the animals can go on land. Come on animals, let's go on land. FISH: Nope, can't walk yet. And there's no food yet, so I don't care. 100 million years pass. LAND: Okay, will you learn to walk if there's plants up here? SOME BUGS AND FISH: Maybe NARRATOR: ...said some bugs... and fish. The year is now -380,000,000. FISH grunts because it is struggling to get on land, for it has no legs. 5 million years pass. The year is now -375,000,000. FISH now has legs, for it has evolved into an AMPHIBIAN. AMPHIBIAN: Okay, so I can go on land, but I have to go back in the water to- CHORUS: Have babies! The word "idea" flashes on to the screen. NARRATOR: Learn to use an egg. AMPHIBIAN: I was already doing that. NARRATOR: Use a stronger egg. Put water in it. Have a baby, on land, in an egg. Water is in the egg. Baby, in the egg, in the water, in the egg. The year is -312,000,000. AMPHIBIAN OFFSPRING: Works for me. CHORUS: Bye bye, ocean! 50 million years pass. NARRATOR: And now everything's huge. Including bugs. Wanna see a map of the land? IO: Sure. The year is now -252,000,000. A globe is presented. The camera starts to pan around it when a large explosion happens, destroying a land mass on the globe the size of a continent. Text pops onto the screen reading "PERMIAN EXTINCTION." The Permian Extinction has occurred. NARRATOR: Oh fuck, now everything's dead. Just kidding, here are the survivors. The thrinaxodon, lystrosaurus, and proterosuchus are shown. NARRATOR: Keep your eye on this one... The proterosuchus is circled. 75 million years pass. NARRATOR: ...'cause it's about to become the dinosaurs. Here's another map of the land. The globe is shown again. It does not yet look like the Earth we know today; many of the continents are in pieces or out of place. NARRATOR: Yeah, it broke apart. Don't worry about that. It does that all the time. The year is now -66,000,000. NARRATOR: Here comes a meteor. A meteor comes into frame and hits the globe near what is today called Central America. CHORUS: And the dinosaurs are gone! NARRATOR: It's mammal time! Here come the mammals; look at those breasts. The year is now -15,000,000. NARRATOR: Now, they're gonna dominate the world, and one of them just learned how to grab stuff, and walk. The year is now -4,000,000. A transition from one of human's older ancestors to one of human's younger ancestors is shown. NARRATOR: No, like, walk like that, and grab stuff at the same time. The year is now -3,000,000. NARRATOR: And bang rocks together to make pointed rocks. IO: Ouch. The year is now -1,500,000. NARRATOR: And set things on fire. IO: Yeouch. The year is now -200,000. NARRATOR: And make crazy sounds with their voice. CAVEMAN: Gneurshk. NARRATOR: Which can mean different things. Via the CAVEMAN's thought bubble, "Gnerushk," is shown to mean, "Hi," "Bye," and, "Can you hand me that rock over there?" CHORUS: That's a human person! NARRATOR: And now they're everywhere, almost. Text pops on to the screen, above the landmass that is today called North America. It reads "not here yet." Humans have not migrated there yet. The year is now -20,000. Text pops on to the screen, between what is today the American

state of Alaska and the Russian autonomous okrug (district) of Chukotka. The text reads "ice age." The ice age is occurring, creating a land bridge between the two landmasses. CHORUS: Ice age! HUMANS: What? You can walk over here? Cool! The year is now -10,000. CHORUS: Not anymore. HUMANS: Well, I guess we're stuck here now. NARRATOR: Let's review. There's people on the planet, and they're chasing their food. HUMAN: Fuck it, time to plant some grass. Look at this. I control the food now. Now, everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. Let's all build houses, except mine is bigger because I own the food. This is great. I wonder if anyone else is doing this. The year is now -5000. NARRATOR: Tired of using rocks for everything? Use metal! It's underground. NARRATOR: Better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping. A sheep baas in the background. CHORUS: Guess what happens next! NARRATOR: More food, and more people who came to buy the food, and you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales, and now, you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses, and now, there's more people, and they invent things which makes things better, and more people come, and there's more farming and more people to make more things for more people, and now, there's business, money, writing, laws, power. CHORUS: Society! NARRATOR: Coming soon to a dank river valley near you. Meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed. DISTRAUGHT HUMAN: Why is all my metal so lame and lumpy? NARRATOR: Tired of using lame, sad metal? The year is now -3300. NARRATOR: Introducing- CHORUS: Bronze! NARRATOR: Made from special ingredient tin from the far lands of Tin Land... I don't know, my dealer won't tell me where he gets it. Also, guess what? CHORUS: Egypt! The year is now -2000. NARRATOR: Meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. Now, we're getting somewhere. Also- CHORUS: China! NARRATOR: And did I mention- CHORUS: Indus River Valley Civilization! A "society count" comes on screen. It lists the four civilizations just named (including Mesopotamia, the "sweet dank valley right in between... two rivers"), as the counter counts up from one to four. It pauses for a moment before ticking up to five. A fifth civilization appears on the list. The camera pans right across the globe to what is modern day Peru. CHORUS: Norte Chico! NARRATOR: The Middle East is getting more complicated. Maybe because it's in the middle of the East. The year is now -1600. PEOPLE WITH HORSES: Knock, knock. Er... clop clop. NARRATOR: It's the people with the horses, and they made an empire, and then everyone else copied their horses. CHORUS: Greeks! NARRATOR: Ah, look, it must be the Greeks. Or, a beta version of the Greeks. Text pops up on screen, reading "mycenaean greeks." These "beta version... Greeks" are the Mycenaean Greeks. NARRATOR: Let's check in with the Indus River Valley Civilization - they're gone. Guess who's not gone? CHORUS: China! The year is now -1200. CHORUS: New arrivals in India! Maybe it's those horse people I was talking about, or their cousins, or something... And they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff! NARRATOR: You could make a religion out of this. The year is now -1150. NARRATOR: There's the Bronze Age collapse. CHORUS: Now, the Phoenicians can get down to business! HUMANS: (Offscreen) Also, can we switch to a metal that's a little easier to find? Bronze switches to iron. HUMANS: (Offscreen) Thanks. NARRATOR: Look who came back to Israel - it's the twelve tribes of Israel! CHORUS: And they believe in God! NARRATOR: Just one though; he's got like a ten step program. NARRATOR: Here's some huge heads. Must be the Olmecs. The year is now -800. NARRATOR: The Phoenicians make some colonies. The Greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. The Phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies. The year is now

-671. NARRATOR: Here comes the Assyrian Empire. The year is now -600. NARRATOR: Nevermind, it's the Babyloni- The year is now -580. NARRATOR: Media- The year is now -500. CHORUS: It's the Persian Empire! IO: Wow, that's big. NARRATOR: Ah, the Buddha was just enlightened! IO: Who's the Buddha? NARRATOR: This guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we're all dying. You could make a religion out of this. The year is now -475. NARRATOR: Oops, China just broke, but while it was breaking, Confucius was figuring out how to have good morals. The year is now -400. NARRATOR: Ah, the Greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff... The year is now -330. NARRATOR: ...and right over here, Alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire Persian empire. It's a great idea. He was... Great, and now he's dead. Hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them. The year is now -305. CHANDRAGUPTA: Knock knock. NARRATOR: It's Chandragupta. He says- CHANDRAGUPTA: Get the hell out of here. Will you get the hell out of here if I give you five hundred elephants? Okay, thanks. Bye. CHORUS: Time to conquer all of India! NARRATOR: Er- CHORUS: Most of India! IO: But what about this part? NARRATOR: That's the Tamil kings. No one conquers the Tamil kings. IO: Who are the Tamil kings? CHORUS: Merchants, probably... And they've got spices! TAMIL KINGS: Who would like to buy the spices? ARABIANS: Me! NARRATOR: ...said the Arabians, swiftly buying it and selling it to the rest of the world. The year is now -221. NARRATOR: Hey, China put itself back together again, with good morals as their main philosophy! Actually, they have three main philosophies. Confucianism, Taoism, and legalism appear with the corresponding messages under: having good morals, go with the flow, and "fuck you obey the law". The land northwest of Qin China, which is roughly modern-day Mongolia, is circled. NARRATOR: Out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city. The horse nomads repeatedly bump into China with the coin sound effect from Super Mario playing each time they do so. The camera pans left on the globe back to the Ancient Greek Empire. NARRATOR: Let's check the Greekification levels of the Greekified kingdoms. Greekification overload! PARTHIANS: Bye. NARRATOR: ...said the Parthians. JEWS: Bye. NARRATOR: ...said the Jews. PARTHIANS: Hi! NARRATOR: ...said the Parthians, taking over the entire place. The year is now 1 CE. ROMANS: Heyyyyyyyy... NARRATOR: ...said the Romans, eating the entire Mediterranean for breakfast. JEWS: Thanks for invading our homeland. NARRATOR: ...said the Jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland. The year is now 30 CE. JESUS CHRIST: Hi, everything's great. NARRATOR: ...said some guy, who seems to be getting very popular, and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular. You could make a religion out of this. NARRATOR: Want silk? Now, you can buy it from China. They just made a- CHORUS: Brand new road to the world! China conquers Vietnam. CHORUS: Or you can get there on water! INDIA: Sick! New trade routes. NARRATOR: ...said India, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast. Funan is highlighted. NARRATOR: Hm, that's a good place for an epic trading kingdom. The sound of a zooming car plays. NARRATOR: There goes Buddhism, traveling up the silk road. The year is now 220. NARRATOR: I wonder if it'll reach China before it collapses again. The year is now 225. NARRATOR: Remember the Persian Empire? PERSIANS: Yep. NARRATOR: ...said the Persians, making a new one. Axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick. Has anyone populated Madagascar yet? BANTU and MALAY: Let's do it together! The year is now 280. CHORUS: China is whole again! The year is now 320. CHORUS: Then it broke again. NARRATOR: Still can't cross the Sahara Desert? Try camels! CHORUS, as

GHANA EMPIRE: Hell yeah! Now we've got business! NARRATOR: ...said the Ghana Empire, selling lots of gold and slaves. ROMAN CHRISTIAN: Hi, I live in the Roman Empire, and I was wondering- CHORUS, as ROMAN CHRISTIAN: Is loving Jesus legal yet? ROME: No. The year is now 330. CONSTANTINE: Actually, okay, sure. NARRATOR: ...said Constantine, moving the capital way over here to be closer to his- CHORUS: Main rival! CONSTANTINE: Don't worry about Rome; it won't fall. The year is now 400. CHORUS: It's the golden age of India! NARRATOR: There's the Gupta Empire, not Chandragupta, just Gupta... First name Chandra... The First. Guess who's in Rome. CHORUS: Barbarians! NARRATOR: What's a barbarian? ROMANS: Non-Romans. NARRATOR: ...said the Romans, being invaded by non-Romans. The year is now 476. NARRATOR: R.I.P. Roman Empire. Er, actually just half of it; the other half is just fine, but it's not in Rome anymore, so let's give it a new name. CHORUS: The Mayans have figured out the stars! NARRATOR: Oh, and here's a huge city, population: everyone. The year is now 576. NARRATOR: The Göktürks have taken over the entire Eurasian steppe. Great job, Göktürks. How's India? Broken. How's China? CHORUS: Back together. NARRATOR: How's those trading kingdoms? CHORUS: Bigger, and there's more of them. NARRATOR: Korea has three kingdoms. Japan has a kingdom; it's the sunrise kingdom. An intermission occurs. The year is now 610. NARRATOR: Deep in the Arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in Muhammad's ear, so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods, and he tells them their gods are all fake... The year is now 622. NARRATOR: ...and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. You can make a religion out of this... The year is now 650. NARRATOR: ...and maybe conquer the world as well. The Roman Empire is long gone, but somehow, the Pope is still the Pope! Plus, there's- CHORUS: New kingdoms all over Europe! NARRATOR: I wonder if there's room for Moors. The year is now 786. NARRATOR: Here's all the wisdom, in a house: it's the Baghdad House of Wisdom, just in time for the- CHORUS: Islamic Golden Age! SWAHILI: Let's bring stuff to the coast, and sell it, and become the Swahili on the Swahili Coast. NARRATOR: ...said the Swahili on the Swahili Coast. NARRATOR: Remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? Someone owns that now. NARRATOR: Wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere? NARRATOR: The Franks have the biggest kingdom in Europe, and the Pope is so proud that he invites the king over for Christmas. The year is now 800. POPE: Surprise! You're the new Roman Emperor! NARRATOR: ...said the Pope, pretending to still be part of the Roman Empire. Then, the Franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called France and Not France. The Northerners (or just Norse, if you don't have much time) are exploring. They go north, from the north, to the northern north, and they find some land, two types of land, and they name them accordingly. Large text comes on screen reading, "prankd." NARRATOR: They also invade some other places and get called many names, such as Vikings. The year is now 882. NARRATOR: There's the Rus, the Kievan Rus. IO: Are they Vikings? KIEVAN RUS: I don't think so. NARRATOR: ...said the Kievan Rus. IO: Okay, fair enough. NARRATOR: The Pope is ready to make some more emperors of the Roman Empire, the Holy Roman Empire. It's actually Germany, but don't worry about it! New kingdoms! DISTORTED VOICE: CHRISTIANIZE ALL THE KINGDOMS! NARRATOR: Which brand would you like? ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH: Mine's better. EASTERN ORTHODOX CHURCH: Mine's better. ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH: Mine's better. The year is now 1066. WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR: Time to conquer England. NARRATOR: ...said William. The year is now 1071. NARRATOR: It's a bird! It's a plane! It's the Seljuk Turks! BYZANTINE EMPIRE: Aah! NARRATOR: ...said the Byzantine Empire, who's getting so small it almost doesn't

exist anymore. BYZANTINE EMPIRE: We need help! NARRATOR: They need help, so they call the Pope. BYZANTINE EMPIRE: Hey, Pope, can you help us get rid of the Seljuks? Maybe take back the Holy Land on the way? Come on, I know you want to take back the Holy Land. POPE: Yes, I do actually want to do that. Let's do a Crusade. The year is now 1099. CHORUS: Crusade! NARRATOR: They did many crusades, some of which almost didn't fail, but at the least the Italians got some sweet trade deals. The year is now 1100. NARRATOR: Goodbye, Mayans. CHORUS: Hello, Toltecs! NARRATOR: Goodbye, Toltecs. CHORUS: Hello, Mississippi! NARRATOR: Look at those mounds! There's the Pueblo. I've always wondered how to build a town on a cliff. The year is now 1150. NARRATOR: Guess who's here? Khmer! IO: Where? NARRATOR: Here, and Pegan is there! Vietnam unconquered itself, Korea just became itself... The year is now 1192. NARRATOR: ...and Japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. China just invented bombs and typing... The year is now 1230. It rapidly starts to count upward as the Mongols spin and fly all over north Asia. The year ends on 1259. NARRATOR: ...and the Mongols just invaded most of the universe. (sarcastically) Nice going, Genghis! I bet that will last a long time. The Mongol Empire that was just formed shatters. NARRATOR: Some of the Islamic Turks were unaffected by the Mongol invasions because they were busy invading India. Bright, happy text comes on the screen reading, "tonga time." NARRATOR: Is it Tonga time? TONGAN: I think it's Tonga time! Text comes on screen reading, "colonizing the pacific ocean..." The Tu'i Tonga Empire forms. NARRATOR: I just found out where the Swahili gets all their gold! It is shown that the gold comes from the Great Zimbabwe, as the Great Zimbabwe is highlighted. NARRATOR: Look at this "chad" (it means lake). There's an empire there, right in the middle of- CHORUS: Africa! The year is now 1324. NARRATOR: The King of Mali is so rich, he's going on tour to let everyone know. NORTH AFRICA and THE MIDDLE EAST: Wow, that guy's rich. NARRATOR: ...everyone said. The Christians are doing a great job reconquering Iberia, which will soon be called Spain and Not-Spain. IBERIAN PENINSULA: Please remain Christian. We will check in later to see if you're still Christian when you least expect. The year is now 1350. NARRATOR: Whoops! Half of Europe just died! CHORUS: Ming! NARRATOR: China's back, yay! The year is now 1400. Hey Khmer, time to share! New kingdoms here and there. Oh, look who controls all the islands. It's the Mahajapit- The buzz of an "incorrect" buzzer buzzes. NARRATOR: Majahapit- Buzzes. NARRATOR: Mapajahit- Buzzes. NARRATOR: Mahapajit- Buzzes. NARRATOR: Mapajahit- Buzzes. NARRATOR: Ma-ja-pa-hit? The ring of a "correct" bell rings. The year is now 1450. NARRATOR: Oh, Italy's really rich. Time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. It's kinda like a re-birth. The text on the screen reads "renaissance". NARRATOR: Here's a printer, let's make books! BYZANTINE EMPIRE: So you think you can conquer the Byzantine Empire? OTTOMAN TURKS: Yep. NARRATOR: ...said the Ottoman Turks. Nice job, Ottoman Turks! The year is now 1453. NARRATOR: Oops, you missed a spot. Don't forget to ban Europe from the Indian spice trade. PORTUGAL: What? That's bullshit! NARRATOR: ...said Portugal, spiceless. CHORUS, as PORTUGAL: Well, I guess we'll have to find another way to India! CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS: Wait! NARRATOR: ...said Christopher Columbus, probably smoking crack. COLUMBUS: If the world is round, let's go this way to India! PORTUGAL: Nah, don't worry, we already got this NARRATOR: ...said Portugal. So Chris goes to Spain. COLUMBUS: Hey, Spain, wanna hire me to find India by going around the back of the world? SPAIN: No. COLUMBUS: Please? SPAIN: No. COLUMBUS: Please? SPAIN: No. COLUMBUS: Please? SPAIN: Okay. The year is now 1492. NARRATOR: So he sails into the ocean and discovers... More

ocean... And then discovers the Indies and Japan. The year is now 1494. SPAIN and PORTUGAL: Let's draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world. NARRATOR: The Aztec and Inca Empires are off to a great start. I wonder if they know that Europe just discovered their continent? NARRATOR: The Hapsburgs are marrying into so many royal families that they might have to start marrying each other. The year is now 1500. NARRATOR: Move over, Lithuania! Here comes Moscow. Ivan wants to make Russia great again. Move over, Timurids; maybe go invade India or something. The year is now 1501. NARRATOR: Persia just made Persia Persian again. Let's make it the other kind of Islam, the one where we thought the first guy should have been the other guy. ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH: Hey, Christians! Do you sin? Now you can buy your way out of Hell. MARTIN LUTHER: That's bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that's a scam, fuck the church. Here's 95 reasons why. NARRATOR: ...said Martin Luther, in his new book which might have accidentally started the Protestant Reformation. SULEIMAN THE MAGNIFICENT: You know what would be magnificent? NARRATOR: ...said Suleiman, wearing an onion hat. The year is now 1530. SULEIMAN: What if the Ottoman Empire was really big, which it is now? The year is now 1556. IVAN THE TERRIBLE: What if Russia was big? NARRATOR: ...said Ivan, trying not to be terrible. NARRATOR: Portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire Indian Ocean, including the Spice Trade... and then that dream was real. And Spain realized that this is not India, but they pillaged it anyway! ENGLAND and FRANCE: Damn. NARRATOR: ...said England and France. ENGLAND and FRANCE: We gotta start pillaging some stuff. NARRATOR: Then, the Dutch revolt, and all the hipsters move to Amsterdam. The year is now 1600. AMSTERDAM: Damn. NARRATOR: ...said Amsterdam. AMSTERDAM: We gotta start pillaging some stuff. ENGLAND, FRANCE, and THE DUTCH: Question 1: Can you get to India through North America? No, but at least there's beaver. Question 2: Steal the Spice Trade. NARRATOR: That's not a question, but the Dutch did it anyway. CHORUS: Sugar! The year is now 1640. NARRATOR: Guess where all the sugar is made. In Brazil- THE DUTCH: Stolen! NARRATOR: -In the Caribbean, and it's so goddamn profitable that you might forget to not do slavery. The next thing on Russia's to-do-list is to get bigger. The year is now 1754. NARRATOR: Britain and France are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world, more specifically Ohio. Then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving Prussia a chance to show Austria who's boss. IO: But what about Britain and France? Did they figure out who's boss? NARRATOR: Yes, they did! It's Britain. Guess who's broke. Also Britain, so they start taxing the Hell out of America. The year is now 1776. AMERICA: Fuck you. NARRATOR: ...says America, declaring their independence and fighting for it, and France helps them win. Now, France is broke... The year is now 1788. NARRATOR: ...and Britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent. IO: Wait, if France is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? The year is now 1794. ROBESPIERRE: Let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off! NARRATOR: ...says Robespierre, cutting everybody's head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. IO: You could make a religi- NARRATOR: No, don't. Haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution... The year is now 1791. NARRATOR: ...especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. TOUSSAINT L'OUVERTURE: Why didn't we think of this before? IO: Wait, who's in charge of France now? The year is now 1804. CHORUS, as NAPOLEON: Me! NARRATOR: ...said Napoleon, trying to take over Europe. Luckily, they banished him to an island- CHORUS: But he came back! NARRATOR: Luckily, they banished him to another island. A burst of horns play. NARRATOR: There goes Latin America, becoming independent in the Latin

American Wars of Independence. They last from the year 1812 to about 1830. NARRATOR: Britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now, they can make- CHORUS: Many different types of machines, and factories with machines in them, so they can make a lot of products real fast. NARRATOR: Then, they invent some trains and conquer India and maybe put some trains there. BRITAIN: Hey, China! NARRATOR: ...said Britain. BRITAIN: Buy stuff from us! CHINA: Nah, dude, we already got everything. NARRATOR: ...says China, so Britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked, actually, but then, China made it illegal... The year is now 1839. NARRATOR: ...and dumped it all into the sea, so Britain threw a hissy fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. Britain and Russia are playing a game where they try and stop each other from conquering Afghanistan. Also, the- CHORUS: Sultan of Oman lives in Zanzibar now. NARRATOR: That's just where he lives. The year is now 1857. NARRATOR: India just had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. BRITAIN: Nope. NARRATOR: ...said Britain, governing them even harder than before. The screen reads, "HI I JUST SENT YOU A MESSAGE THRU A WIRE," while the Morse Code for "SEXLOL" plays in the background. CHORUS: Technology is about to go crazy! The year is now 1863. NARRATOR: The United States finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. ABRAHAM LINCOLN: It's bad. NARRATOR: ...they decided, and then, they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the Mexicans too. The year is now 1884. EUROPE: I know! Let's rape Africa. NARRATOR: ...said Europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. (They never got Ethiopia.) Britain and France are still hungry! (They never got Thailand.) The United States ran out of destiny to manifest, so they're looking for more. CHORUS: Hawaii and Cuba! IO: Wait! Spain controls Cuba! UNITED STATES: Well, blame something on them, and go to war. AMERICANS: What should we blame on Spain? The U.S.S. Maine explodes in the Gulf of Mexico. UNITED STATES: Let's blame the Maine on Spain NARRATOR: ...so they blame the Maine on Spain. The year is now 1898. AMERICANS: Now, we're in business! NARRATOR: To celebrate, they kick Panama out of Panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans. The year is now 1908. NARRATOR: Britain just found oil in the Middle East. (It makes cars go.) The year is now 1911. NARRATOR: China is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government. Europe hasn't had a war since the last war... The year is now 1914. NARRATOR: ...so they start World War I. Look at those guns! It's gonna be a "Great War" - so great we won't need a second one. After it's over, they blame Germany. The year is now 1917. NARRATOR: Russia went on strike, and the workers overthrew the government. Now, everyone's paycheck is the same. The year is now 1922. CHORUS: Communism, in the Soviet Union! NARRATOR: The Arabs revolt... The year is now 1917. NARRATOR: ...and Britain helps. BRITAIN: (Offscreen) Now, the Ottoman Empire is gone, The year is now 1922. BRITAIN: (Offscreen) So we can give the- CHORUS: Jewish people a place to live! NARRATOR: Hopefully, the Arabs won't mind. SYKES and PICOT: Let's cut the cake! NARRATOR: ...said Sykes and Picot, cutting up the remains of the Not-So-Ottoman-Anymore Empire. The year is now 1923. CHORUS: Except Turkey! Turkey makes a brand new Turkey! NARRATOR: ...and then, the Saudis conquer Arabia. It just seemed like the right thing to do. A phone rings. IO: Hello? THE 1920s: Yes, it's the 1920s calling. Let's get in a car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies. The economy is great, and it will probably be great forever- just kidding! A slide whistle with decreasing pitch briefly plays.

The year is now 1933. NARRATOR: Germany is back, featuring Hitler, the angry mustache model, and he's mad at the Jews for existing. Japan is finally conquering the East, and they're so excited... The year is now 1937. NARRATOR: ...they rape Nanking way too hard. They should probably just deny it. The year is now 1945. NARRATOR: Hitler's out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain why killing all the Jews is a bad idea. But he kills himself before they could explain it to him. CHORUS: That's World War II! NARRATOR: Bonus Round! Air horns momentarily play in the background. NARRATOR: (Like Announcer from Mortal Kombat) Pacific Showdown: United States versus Japan! Fight! A drop-down menu that reads "weapon select" pops up, and the U.S. cursor moves down from "boat" to "plane" to "extinction ball." It is picked, dropped on Japan, and an explosion results. The year is now 1945. NARRATOR: (Like Announcer from Mortal Kombat) Finish him! Another one is dropped, and another explosion follows. NARRATOR: Let's unite all the nations and have some- CHORUS: World peace! NARRATOR: Seems legit. GANDHI: Hi, I'm Gandhi, and if Britain doesn't get the Hell out of India, I'm gonna starve myself in public. The year is now 1947. Britain leaves. GANDHI: Wow, that worked? NARRATOR: Bonus! Now, there's Pakistan. Actually, two Pakistans; one of them can be Bangladesh later. The Jews and the Arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the Holy Land. JEWS and ARABS: Me! NARRATOR: ...they both said at the same time. The year is now 1947. UNITED NATIONS: Let's divide up the land so everyone's happy. CHORUS: Sike! They both get angrier. NARRATOR: Look out, China! The year is now 1949. NARRATOR: There's a new China in China! What's on the menu? PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC of CHINA: Communism! REPUBLIC of CHINA: No, thanks. NARRATOR: ...said the other China, escaping to an island. I wonder which one is the real China? The year is now 1950. NARRATOR: There's the Korean War: Korea versus Korea. Nobody wins and then it's on pause forever. Let's meet the sponsors! Oh, it's the two global superpowers. They're having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which one is an evil virus of Satan. And they both have atom bombs. NARRATOR: (With an echo) FIGHT! NARRATOR: Wait, no, that would be the end of the world. Let's just keep it cool and spy on each other instead, and make sure we have enough atom bombs. The year is now 1957. SOVIET UNION: I'll race you to space. The year is now 1969. An American rocket ship is shown to land on the moon. SOVIET UNION and UNITED STATES: Now, let's make some more countries fight themselves. NARRATOR: Europe is tired of pillaging other continents, and the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. So here's a new map, with new countries! Now, you can't tell who they're being pillaged by. The year is now 1963. NARRATOR: The United States finally decided whether racism is good or bad. They decided it's bad, and the world agrees. South Africa might need another minute to think about it. Let's check the world population. A graph is shown, displaying a spike upward in population that jumped from "a billion" at the beginning of the 1800s to "way more" around the beginning of the 2000s. IO: Whoa... Okay. NARRATOR: Technology is better too; that might keep happening. The Soviet Union decides to relax a little... The year is now 1991. NARRATOR: ...and accidentally falls apart. Europe makes a union... The year is now 1999. NARRATOR: ...so now, they can all use the same money, except Britain 'cause they don't feel like it. Let's check the mail! Surprise! It's on the computer. The year is now 2001. NARRATOR: Whoops, someone just attacked America. I bet they'll remember that. Phone call! Surprise! It's in your pocket. Wanna learn everything? Surprise! It's on the computer. Now, your phone's a computer, which is in your pocket. A chart of the 2008 economic recession is shown. NARRATOR: Whoops, the economy just

crashed. Don't worry, the big banks won't fail because they're not supposed to. Surprise! Flying robots, with bombs. Wanna print a brain? Some people have no friends, some people have no food, the globe is warming- CHORUS: And the ocean is full of plastic! EVERYBODY: Let's save the planet! NARRATOR: ...said everybody, not knowing how. The year is now 2028. THING INVENTOR INVENTOR: Let's invent a thing inventor. NARRATOR: ...said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor. That's pretty cool. By the way, where the Hell are we?

#Long post

4 notes · View notes

pumpkingeorge · 4 years ago

Text

Making Monsters

Jeremiah can create mindless monsters that can range from being his direct minions, scouts, or just plain wild animals. Nearly all the monsters he creates are made from pumpkins, gourds, and squashes because he is vain and likes seeing his likeness scuttling about. Pumpkins are also easier to bring to life because they’re already an empty vessel and the things are everywhere.

“Wild animals” are monsters too weak to be of much use and are not indigenous wildlife. These are made when Jeremiah is bored, or he’s careless enough to let leftover magic juice fester and become a living, albeit stupid, creature. They are stupid because they have no brain and have to rely on Jeremiah to think for them, but since he does not care for them, he does not share. Most of these creatures are small things like little spiders, bats, and worms. This is not ethical.

Scouts keep an eye on Jeremiah’s territory...and his subjects. After James runs away, their main job shifts to finding him and bringing him home no matter the cost. Scouts are fast and cowardly. They will only attack if they know they can overpower their prey. If they’re at a disadvantage, they will seek out a stronger ally and lead them to their target...then try to suck up and take credit for everything. Scouts always have wings, strong noses, and sensitive ears. They’re like gargoyles, but much, much more fragile.

Minions can range from bulky soldiers to full on boss monsters. The only thing they care about is crushing opposition and fulfilling Jeremiah’s will. They are not created often because they require so much effort to bring to life. They do not sleep, eat, or feel pain. They do not care about dying because they’re barely alive. They’re just pumpkins brought to life by eldritch vibes and feel bad juice. They’re not evil because they don’t have the ability to comprehend morality, like a robot.

To bring these abominations to life, Jeremiah has to sacrifice pieces of his own life force. Jeremiah is immortal until he’s killed, so he will regenerate, but pushing himself too far will hurt him. Creating an army is very taxing on his body and creating too many at once will weaken him severely, leaving him vulnerable. Jeremiah’s enemies see this power as a gift ready to be manipulated.

Only the monarchs are born with this ability, but only if they’re the ruler. James can try to create his own minions, but can only manage to create half dead spiders. For now. Once Jeremiah reaches the end of his mortal coil, James will inherit this power and many more. When James’ time runs out, his power will be handed down to his offspring and this sacrificial cycle continues. For now.

#world building #ocs #pumpkin royalty

3 notes · View notes

tsipasce · 4 years ago

Text

Same Difference, ch.05

Chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04

AO3 | Fanfic

The door opened and she saw what looked like a control room with a window that overlooked what seemed like a training arena. The walls and floors of the arena were much rougher than the pristine surfaces of the lab. Whatever had happened in there prior had been overhauled multiple times over.

I wonder just how much he lets loose in here… and on who?

Snapping her out of her daydream, Overhaul began,” You’ve seen my—”

“No, I haven’t.” She cut him off, knowing he was eager to see her use it first. “I may have read reports and seen photos, but I haven’t actually seen you use it. So…” she motioned her hand for him to begin.

He scanned her for a moment before indulging her, “Alright, what would you like to see?”

“Just do whatever you were trying to do to me in the back of the car, hm?” she smiled but the emotion didn’t reach her eyes.

He narrowed his gaze at her, seemingly amused. He went to a place on the wall, looking between Nanami and it comparatively before removing his glove. He pressed his bare hand to the wall, taking a chunk out of it to create a golem-like figure of her. It didn’t have much detail specific to her, but it had arms, legs, and a head. He removed the other glove slowly placing both hands on either arm of the golem. Within a second both arms were gone, now particles floating in the air. Within the next second, they were back, formed exactly the same as before. It was odd seeing it used on stone walls when all the reports spoke of flesh and bone. Though she’d never wish anyone to be a test subject, it was a little underwhelming seeing it this way.

Overhaul must have seen the thoughts across her face as he paused before calmly rolling up his sleeve. She could see him tense for a split second before his arm was disassembled then reassembled in the same breath.

As terrifying as it was to see him dismember himself so easily, she was also professionally (and morbidly) intrigued. How much detail would one have to know and actively apply in order to disassemble and completely reassemble something as complex as a limb in that short a time span? It was as fascinating as it was terrifying.

“Now,” He began, rousing her from her thoughts, “I’d like to see something from you. What exactly did you do to me in the car?”

“Oh… that? That was um...” suddenly she was embarrassed, feeling her cheeks warm as she remembered the moment and her very ill-timed thoughts. “It was nothing.”

“It didn’t feel like nothing. Explain.”

“Well, I call it Reverb—not the most interesting name, I know—but it’s basically…” his eyes narrowed as she hesitated to answer.

“Out with it.” He said, getting impatient.

“I... tickled you?”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s really a harmless move.”

“Harmless?” He said with more incredulity.

“Ok, so your ego was a little bruised, but your cells should have recovered just fine. How are your abdominals and obliques doing?” She asked sincerely this time, hoping he wouldn’t think she was trying to tease him further.

Sighing, but still quite irritated, he replied, “They’re fine. What exactly did you do to produce that... ‘tickling’ feeling?”

He’s definitely pissed…

“I guess another firsthand demonstration would be out of the question, so here” she replied as she approached the wall, placing both hands on it carefully. She turned to see if he was watching her and though he was obviously still irritated, his eyes were tracking her every move. Nanami focused, replicating what she had done on him days before. Small pieces of the wall began to undulate, disassembling and reassembling in the same instant making the wall seem as though it was rolling. She stopped and the wall continued to reverberate the movements she had started as she explained in detail what was happening.

“… I see.” He spoke affirmatively as though he was mildly impressed, his eyes now trained on the wall. She had to admit a certain sense of pride welled up in her at the thought of impressing him in some way. It was difficult not to imagine having some kind of connection when you know you share such an intimate part of yourself with another person… Even if they are a bit more morally ambiguous than I’m used to…. Nanami admitted to herself.

“How else do you utilize my qui— I mean overhaul?” He queried.

The correction was small, but she was appreciative nonetheless. Thinking in earnest how to answer the question, she began,“ Well, it’s nothing special since I don’t use it on as large a scale as you, quite the opposite, really.” He gave her a look encouraging her to elaborate. “I prefer to use traditional methods in my line of work, but if the situation calls for it, I can also use it to create and remove clots.”

“You mean causing a pulmonary embolism?”

“NO. My gosh, no for the exact opposite reason. Everything train goes straight to Murder Town™ with you, huh?” exasperated Nanami before she continued, “If reaching the artery is too invasive, I can break it down through a small incision in the skin preventing fun things like what you mentioned. Besides healing, I usually only use it for self-defense and smaller transformations. I… don’t use it very often.” At this Overhaul noticed what sounded like shame in her voice. She’d been told throughout her childhood she was a freak after the incident as she’d refer to it. Even now, it felt like a sore subject. He knew he’d be able to coax the story out of her, but it wouldn’t be tonight.

“Then tell me, how were you able to negate my attack in the car?”

“That I can’t tell you.” She replied simply.

He shifted his weight, folding his arms, “If we’re going to make this research count, we’ll have to cooperate. Don’t you want to see how far this power can be taken?” He coaxed.

“One, I don’t have a particular lust for power, so that ~thing~ you’re doing with your eyes won’t work on me. And two, even if it did, I couldn’t tell you. Not just because I find the idea of you being able to nullify a quirk to be… unsettling. But because I literally don’t know how I did it either. It just happened.”

He searched her features for signs of deception but found nothing. “Then it looks like we’ll have to get to the bottom of that as well. “ He moved suddenly towards her and she braced herself, but he continued to walk past her and back into the lab.

It looks like we’re playing the long game then… Nanami noted inwardly. He could have tried testing her again physically, but hadn’t. It was an intentional show of restraint to get her to let her guard down. She wasn’t naïve enough to think it was just out of some newfound comradery, but she also wasn’t 100% sure it was some malicious power play. Manipulation was something she assumed he’d employ but seeing it in action was a different story. He’s good at this.

She followed him after a beat into the lab to see him writing notes down on the white board.

“Now that we’ve demonstrated what we know to be physically true, we can begin crafting a hypothesis and concrete testing procedures, a.k.a. the fun part.” He said after hearing her enter the room. He finished the observations he was writing and sat down at the workbench, motioning for her to sit across from him. “Let’s compare notes, shall we?”

She sat down and began looking through the file of her he’d created as well as some hypothesis he’d come up with. It was odd reading such a detailed report about herself and even more so imagining how he’d gotten the information so quickly, but she was relieved to see there wasn’t a mention of the incident. Brushing the obvious invasion of privacy aside, she was grateful to see that even though quirks were a virus to him, his assessment of why they shared the quirk was very similar to hers: genetic mutation.

Closing the folder on the table, Nanami began “It looks like agree on the premise of this experiment. Now we can—”

“Not entirely.” He cut in.

“Please, don’t say it…” Nanami sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

“But it has to be said. We can acknowledge quirks as a genetic mutation while also acknowledging the origin of that mutation was a virus.”

“That’s just… no. Sure viruses can be ‘passed down’ in the sense that their genetic leftovers might show up in offspring, but that doesn’t mean that’s what quirks are. They’re much too drastic of a change to just be caused by a virus. No other virus behaves that way.”

“Until recent history, quirks were not normal. They are an anomaly so it’s no stretch of the imagination to say that the virus that created them would also be an anomaly. You’re being close-minded about this, and it will hinder the process.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“I’m being close-minded? This coming from the guy who won’t accept the consensus of thousands of scientists. If I’m close-minded, you’re downright obtuse!” She retorted.

The argument went on for the next 15-20 minutes, both of them behaving much like children in the eyes of Kurono who had returned 10 minutes ago, but decided it was best to wait outside until they’d finished whatever spat they were having. Now silent, they were both standing, leaning over the table and glaring at each other. Suddenly, Nanami saw an epiphany flash across Overhaul’s face and consequently a look of annoyance came across hers.

“Let’s make a bet.”

“No way.” She responded immediately, but judging by the look in his eyes, he had already made plans to change her answer.

“You haven’t even heard the terms. “

“Knowing what I know about you, I don’t think I want to...”

He continued as though he’d already won, “If your hypothesis is correct, you may ask one favor of me. Anything you want.”

“And if you win? What fresh hell will I be in then?”

“I get the same; nothing more, nothing less. Any favor I ask, you have to grant it.”

“There is literally zero reason for me to indulge in this.”

“That sounds like something a loser would say.”

Brows raised in disbelief Nanami retorted, “Are you... trying to goad me?”

“Is it working?” He replied smoothly, knowing the answer.

“… You’re on.” She knew she’d regret letting her pride get the best of her, but she also knew she’d win. Nothing wrong with a casual, life-altering bet every now and again. She reassured herself.

“Perfect. We’ll begin blood sampling and testing during your next visit. In the meantime, I’ll be thinking of a fitting favor as my prize.”

“As if you haven’t already decided…” Nanami said under her breath. When she looked back at his face, she caught a glint of pure mischief in his eyes.

Yup, definitely going to regret this.

#enjoy your terrible decision ma'am #overhaul fanfiction #overhaul #overhaul x oc #bnha #mha #fanfic #ao3 fic #mha overhaul #chisaki kai #kai chisaki #mha chisaki #same difference #mha oc #mha fanfic

13 notes · View notes