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reel-fear · 4 months

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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:

The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.

2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]

3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.

4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]

5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]

Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]

At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]

6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.

7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.

He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]

8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!

So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.

Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?

So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.

I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.

The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.

anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.

As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.

Also the books, the books slap.

#batim #batdr #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival #ramblez #bendy and the silent city #bendy the cage #for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old #very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some #of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource #if you want more info n such #long post #mike D #for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore #sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd #I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later #or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast #genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things #n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming #people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance #Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin #it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy #devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is #and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to #stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better #it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out #just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently #anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD

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gorespawn · 4 months

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also while we're here i would like to share the two iterations of tumblr user gorespawn that have existed since i abandoned this blog back in like early 2021. Who wants me

#i grew my hair out so i could twirl my hair while giggling about bald men #and also t.o.p of bigbang #and short men i see at the grocery store who honestly make me feel light-headed with raw and unbridled Want #but that's just a joke. i am. Lesbian #''no ur not'' I AM #anyway i used to be so ripped and hunky but now i am frail and sickly #what getting a job can do to a mf #thankfully i quit my job last week YIPPIIIEEEEEEE so now i will work towards becoming an absolute hunk again #wish me luck #ALSO #if anyone is obsessed with me and remembers all my lore i used to be transgender and i still am like lowkey on the down low #but in a new exciting way #anyway i used to be a gay man and then a stone butch dyke (as seen above) but now im practicing being a girl #it is very difficult but it is also fun. ive never been a girl before so it's a lot #anyway i bought two super cool sexy dresses yesterday for the first time ever in my life #sexy dresses meaning up to my neck and down to my feet and past my elbows. kind of like a wardrobe straight out of the handmaid's tale #from (to quote my friend) ''*The* old lady store'' thanks man. well i think theyre pretty and its v exciting bc ive never been a girl befor #anyway #who wants me #i still use the name emil online btw and i honestly always will i think it's just so me and also i do still answer to he/him dw #in a man way not in a he/him lesbian way #''he's LGBTQA+'' what. all at once?#yes.#i have mastered them all i have collected all the genders and all the sexualities and ive never been ''wrong''#it just keeps switching. which is fine. well im a girl now. in a detransitioning man way. who is insanely attracted to men #but you will have to tear this lesbian label out of my cold dead hands #''you can't call urself lesbian if u have sex w men'' well first of all fuck you and second of all i am celibate so you dont need to worry #''what the hell are you talking about'' nothing. now look how hot i am #im just joking around i hope that's fine w y'all

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codacheetah · 2 months

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It's deeply important to me that Loop kind of sucks

#they are literally awesome but they do kinda suck. just a tad #mostly as in i keep thinking about lucabyte's comics. they are critical to me #i love isat's postcanon as a space to explore recovery and communication #but sometimes you kind of have to drag urself through glass to get there. sometimes the glass sticks in ur skin and makes u prickly #i think constantly about like. loop being surprised by siffrin's kindness if u choose to be nice to them in certain dialogue options.#remarking about how time has made them jaded more than he is #loop is fundamentally kind. but they are scantly ever 'nice'#i think if loop joins the party it's inevitable that they are going to make each other bristle up #loop has a difficult time with all of the party members. between the guilt and the loss and them just not being capital s Siffrin #and to the party who only knows loop from one interaction and siffrin's apparent care for them i think loop would come off. abrasive at bes #like. like i dont think loop would act the same with the party that they do siffrin. their mask is very Piss Siffrin Off specialized #but how much of ur persona is an act and how much of it is yourself. or whatever. loop wouldn't want to be mean to their friends sure #but it's much easier not to hurt if you wedge some distance. no better way to get that distance by being offputting. i think isabeau esp #would get the brunt of this. poor man #plus there's just hte general fact that like. nobody likes the feeling of talking to somebody who clearly knows too much about them. who #will never show their own cards. added with the fact that there's just an inherent strangeness w loop. where they have a relationship to #siffrin thru the loops that none of the party members will ever grasp (and in a way they cant even guess frankly!)#i just have a hard time seeing loop's assimilation into the party as going smooth and nice. you know. i think the party members would think #that loop kinda sucks a little. i think loop would let them think this. all of this being said this is not irreconcilable or permanent #but i like there to be growing pains for the party's expansion. i won't even get into nille bc this aint abt her but yah #the lucky thing loop is you made friends with a lot of really nice people who would being willing to get to know you again.#isat spoilers

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faaun · 6 months

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pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

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autistic-katara · 6 months

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there r fics that make u insane (so amazingly good it’s removed ur sanity) and then there’s fics that make u insane (you need to fistfight the author for how they did a specific thing that caused u to rant for hours)

#i know i just posted that other thing but ffs that is NOT how u handle someone in that situation everyone involved made everything 10x worse #yet it’s being treated like the right thing to do (which again ofc they’re cops they don’t understand harm reduction but still) like #seriously everything’s so forceful like u seriously think forcing ur friend to talk to u or forcing a patient to talk to a therapist under #the threat of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital is gonna make her feel comfortable talking to u? or anyone? she’s just gonna trust u #less and get better at hiding it and speaking of which the taking away all sharp objects thing makes sense in theory but like think abt it #for a minute she confirmed she isn’t suicidal and this is her only way of coping so do not just forcibly take away all her coping mechanism #like yes she is hurting herself but it’s a COPING MECHANISM. she’s coping with something. help her with that don’t just take away her penci #sharpers or whatever (which btw since she’s an adult she could easily buy more stuff and yk learn to hide it better) which again has to be #voluntary it isn’t gonna work if u force someone to do smthn they don’t want to like as ur friend u could’ve made it clear u care abt her #and wouldn’t judge her for anything and r here if she wants to talk don’t just say “you have to talk to me” and casually threaten #hospitalisation when she isn’t ready in the moment like seriously if this wasn’t a badly written fanfic she would completely stop trusting #bcz given that this wasn’t even done out of panic i would like ffs u are NOT doing any of this right #oops sorry ranted abt the bad fic in my tags-#it’s not where the author’ll see it and know it’s about them i don’t feel bad abt it #this was my first time even looking at stuff for this fandom so #cw self harm in tags #idk if i need to tag anything else for that 😭#fanfic #ao3 #ryan shut the fuck up

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jackkal · 1 day

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anyone who sees this post should show me a pic of their favorite stupid trinket. idk if this is my number 1 but i love him a lot

#jackkal #if u see this and dont show me one of ur fav trinkets im going to break down ur door and look at them myself #i honestly also just want to post this thing #i got hin for a friend for xmas who i never saw again bc it turned out no one in that group liked me 😭#so it was keep this guy and love him myself or get rid of him and i couldnt trust thrift stores to save him

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mifhortunach · 6 months

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#i’m a little drunk so forgive me please but #idk if it’s like.. bc i’ve been kinda down/moody anyway recently or if it’s bc i was gone for a week or bc i’ve finally picked up on it or #what - but i feel like legit kinda isolated now in work.. not in like some awful everyone deffo hates me way but in that bs olivia laing way #like it’s taken me way too long to notice that i’m not doing a good enough job making fuckn work-friends or whatever the fuck #& it’s so hard to say if that’s like. a me issue or if that’s bc fuckin almost all the people i work w are guys so i’m not a real person t #*to them!! probs fuckin both lbr - but it’s rly not helping shit yk #bc as soon as u go in knowing that ppl are talking 2 u for politeness then ur quieter so u look worse so there’s less talking etc etc etc #great fuckin stuff - ANYWAY remembered what i actually wanted to say #which was that i went to get some drinks w a friend earlier this week and god i wish i could like. this week just do ANYTHING #get properly pissed! see people & shit properly again; i miss having a proper social life and i’ve litch never had one #this is best left to be forgotten #so let’s not tag it lol - but anyway; anyone know how to make proper friends as an adult as a compulsive nonsharer & someone w/o interests!

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muppetbyers · 2 years

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ive said it before i’ll say it again but just because el is brought up in mike and wills conversations doesnt mean theyre actually talking about el

#like its also simply the fact that they are having the conversations at all. that they are vulnerable with their feelings to each other #in low stakes situations simply because they are best friends and trust each other and Want to confide in the other.#the same cannot be said for mlvn and thats just the objective reality #so like. i dont see why this is seen as a valid ‘gotcha!’ for bylers. it is not.#also yeah will is in every mlvn scene and thats Still gay. like the subtext is skewed gay in every way idk 🤷#take that up with the duffers man… ‘every byler scene mentions el’ yeah and Whyyyyy do they do that Think w ur brainnn #this is like. queer subtext 101 #also the el mention in one scene literally being ‘i was worring too much about her that i feel like i lost you’… do i eveb have to day it #*even *say… damn #also so funny to say this when the van scene exists. The most textually obvious example of them using ‘el’ to talk about themselves #like u expect me to take this argument seriously when there is literally a scene where will used el name but is not talking about el at all #yeah okay lmao #uhm anyways #its late im tired sorry for being cringe about byler again.#goodnight and godbless #byler #mine

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lameow-l · 11 months

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so wait… furina is the name of the archon role that “furina” had to play

wouldn’t make more sense narrative wise to give her a name of her own?? like scara gets his own epic chapter about him ridding himself of his past and adopting a new name then proceed to ignore said name in favor of “hat guy” but the actress playing “furina” doesn’t get to be known for her own name?

like people of fontain (partly maybe) know the truth so why not let her free? let her enjoy the simple human life she so so longed for? even the other furina wouldn’t want this

#i think her story is a better use of the (give character name) mechanic that wasn’t really needed in scara’s arc imo #like yeah it’s cool and all but we literally saw him throw the actual physical manifestation of his past into the fucking void!!!#i personally think it was kind of wasted on him on top of me thinking that idea was entirely stupid to begin with and hyv keeps proving tha #no one actually refers to him as wanderer or by the name they choose online.. its just scara #thats both bad marketing and confusing burying the character away from new players #and like the amount of shit u have to go through as a new player just to name ur weird huge hat angry little dude is just..#but imagine how impactful such a mechanic would be for ‘furina’ who spent all her live acting a role she wasn’t #at the end of all that agony do u think she could endure hearing people call her by that name??#unlike scara she did that for the people every moment of those 500 years knowing that the fate of every person is mere a breakdown away #there was nothing in that for her or for a reward she thought deserved.. just suffering on her own #it just makes more sense for her to want a different name a different identity that has nothing to do with that role #and again i think that mechanic is stupid anyway but if it had to happen i’d loved it more with ‘furina’#or idk give her like a clueless friend she gets to meet that keeps calling her a different name for reasons and her liking the name or smth #maybe give her a different role she gets to play.. or have neuvillette give her a name #same with scara i think it would have been a lot better if he went by a name he choose when all his previous names were chosen for him #i dont see how the entirety of genshin writers and devs agreed to this mechanic being implemented honestly #like traveler is literally there waiting for a single soul to address them by their actual name (the one we choose) but every time it’s jus #traveler traveler.. even their most beloved companion calls them traveler #like that alone should've changed the writers minds bc such a name would 1. either not ever be used or replaced by a nickname #2. the hell devs had to go through to not allow certain phrases and names and 3. the hell both teams will suffer should they add a new char #tl;dr stupid dumb mechanic but they should still give furina a new name #genshin impact #furina #fontaine archon quest #scaramouche

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lesbianlenas · 1 month

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me last night: wow i am so over my friend of many yrs abandoning me it’s fine now i dont even care what progress i have made from last time when it took me 11 yrs to get over it! :)

me today:

#michelle speaks #it’s bc i went back to dc & i know she is also here & it made me think abt it again #& it just makes me upset to have spent 5 yrs trying so hard to be a good friend to her & in the end she was just like lol i won’t speak to #her again 😑 taught me a lesson tho that u should not waste ur energy on ppl who just want to take & not give in a relationship!!!#bc they will never appreciate what u have done for them bc they feel like they were owed it in the first place #which means u r replaceable if they can find someone else to get the same thing from….like i don’t think she ever liked me as a person at #all just that i was there for her & a good friend. so when she found ppl she could get that from she was just like i don’t need her anymore #why do i always develop friendships w ppl who want things from me vs just liking me as a person 😑 ANNOYING!!!!!!#anyway i have the perfect playlist for this so i will live. but at what cost etc.

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bangcakes · 10 months

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.

#personal #i guess for those following this uh... Situation NDNDNDMMDMX #today was the last day LOL. he was gonna sit beside me during the exam #... but the teacher moved him NDNJDMDMDMDMDMDMDMMD #then.... he finished before me.... i was like oh fuck. but i was like oh what if hes waiting for me....#but i was also like GET IT TOGETHER GURL. UR AT AN EXAM #so i GOT IT TOGETHER (mostly)#and when i finished he was gone 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#HOWEVER.... me n one of my other friends had to work on a group project so we stayed back then went out n ate #she knows i like him. n at some point i was like man... if only he had waited. he could have come with us #n she was like...... !!!!!! he did wait !!!!!!!!!#and i was like WHAAAAAAAAAAAA #so it turns OUT..... that this other guy i was friends with (no longer bc 1. he was using me for my hw and 2. he was mean to the guy i like #DEMANDED to know why the guy i had a crush on didnt answer in the big group chat about dinner n he was like..... uh i have an exam the #day after ??? (and ok insider info here.... he told me he never wanted to see any of them ever again LMAO. so i wasnt surprised at all.#thought it was so fucjin funny bc man he really kept to his word by not answering JDJDJDJJDJDJDl)#but ya he left after that !!!!!!!! so !!!!!! wa !!!!!!!! im just 🥺🥺🥺 !!!!! like he WAS waiting for me but GOD that asshole im just......#>:[[[[[[[[#bc u know !!!! thats not the first time he's (for lack of a better word) cockblocked us !!!!!!!!#but it somewho ends up bringing us closer in a way. idk NDJXJXJJZJZJZJZJZ #im just.... ya i messaged him n we talked for a bit.... he still has an exam left so im gonna leave him alone til hes done #really hope he lets me know how it goes AH #but ya............ idk man idk. im gonna have to grow some huge balls n ask him to meet up. bc if i dont....... lol my only other chance is #graduation in february.............#n e way NDNNDNDNDNDNNDND

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toastsnaffler · 2 months

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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chiistarri · 4 months

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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group

#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever #im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point #and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn #selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too #we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right #get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure #what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye #AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care #she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us #what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not #taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg #just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg #why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend #and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic #and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc #but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever #if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die #sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP #id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh #post #nickpost #will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1 #i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it #sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh #nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone #living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh #adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway #its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her #bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships

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megkuna · 9 months

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i genuinely don't think most people understand how lonely immigrating to this fucking country is

#people: wait hahaha wym u don't have like a friend group u go for drinks with on the weekends? :)#i've lived in 3 different states over the past 8yrs and spent extended periods of time in 3 other states + 4 other countries. so. it happen #and it's not like anyone sticks around those cities/states bc the schools i went to are like. yknow. people move to go to them #but then they leave. and then ur allllll fucking alone all over again.#also couple all of this with being poor + having to work + a goddamn pandemic + not having family here #like i don't want to be like lamenting here bc i want to make friends and i'm trying but also? it's fucking hard?#like if ur working 40hrs a week it's just like almost completely unfeasible #i have like three (3) friends in this city and lol one of them is thinking of moving #immigration just fucking sucks honestly #nobody moves because they fucking want to. they move because they have to #can we live in a world where this isn't the case

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jackalhadrurusluvr · 5 months

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born to play games with other people forced to play them by myself

#redownloading bg3 because i feel like itll soothe something in my soul #i feel like it would be so fun to play with someone else but unfortunately no one wants to :sob:#i doubt my irl finished it yet but how do i convince her to play again but with me #(she played with her brother bc he bought her the game)#(i shouldve gotten to it first :angry: /hj i was thinking about it)#u know ur hyperfixating bad when you'll pay 60 dollars to buy a game for someone to get them to maybe play with you #every gaming experience is made better when playing with friends #i need to make friends with other gamers or something because i just wanna play games with someone all the time but alas. other people do #not wanna game 24/7. so sad for me #but what can ya do #its probs for the best i couldnt get anyone to play with me when i was super hyperfixated because they would NOT have wanted to play so muc #in such a short period of time #i was playing until 4am and waking up at 8am to get back to it #by far my unhealthiest hyperfix but i kind of definitely needed it i was so so very lonely and bored

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lordiavolo · 2 years

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to be like frank here, redemption is an ever going cycle. when youve been the problem, the toxic ex, the abuser, you have to know you will have to apologize for that for the rest of your life. you will always have to live with the guilt and conscience of knowing how you hurt that person, or mutliple people. and you have to constantly CHOOSE to not repeat that behavior, and its not easy.

when you meet a new friend the topic of who you used to be will come up eventually, and if you have changed youll be honest with who you were. you cant run from it. you cant try to round the corners and make it seem like the other persons fault, or like it wasnt as bad as it was. its really really scary. because everytime you open up about it, its not just the wound of guilt but its also the fear that theyre going to look inside and not like what theyll see.

but you have to keep moving on and you have to keep being honest. and you have to remember that everyone is applicaple for redemption, you just have to work for it and admitting you were wrong with no buts is the first step.

#anyways cna u tell im kinda going thru it LOL #ive always been a toxic person thats why ive sort of secluded myself from society i avoid human contact w non household members as much as #possible bcuz i feel honestly like im a ticking time bomb that just hurts everything i touch #i dont think its fair to have to have someone deal w my shit when its such an emotional turmoil so even though i want friends im making my #peace w the fact that i like honestl dont really deserve rhem? ik this seems MOPEY but its like this is my geniune non like baiting thoughts #i was an abuser in high school and in an abusive relationship where for the first half i was the perpetrator. i hit my ex and u know i dont #even have anything to add to it other than it was fucked up. i was selfish in bed and sex addicted and sometimes did anything for my fix.#i will and cannot lie about my past as being a shitty person. its scary to say and post but i have to be honest thats who i was that IS a #part of my history as much as i wish i could i cannot erase.#i dont rly even know what to add here honestly. just watching mias vid got me thinking u know #there is more to this story ofc the same ex i was abusive to was also abusive to me it was just split into segments. like i was the problem #for the first year and a half then it switched to them but its not rly rhe best place 2 share that story when im talking about my mistakes #im not trying to detract here i just want 2 get this shit off my chest again. ive talked about it before but not since remaking a few times #anyways i dont have any excuses well i mean i can pull a bunch out but im not going to cuz at the end of the day i shouldve known better #than to be a bitch when i knew i was being a bitch u know?#being the bad guy is a constant struggle where u will have to really really fucking fight yourself tooth and nail to change and i want to be #that person. i want to be someone who can be 100% honest about how shit i was to myself and others (which i do already do to my friends)#hopefully this makes sense idk anyways if ur struggling with being abusive or toxic im here for u. u can get through this and you can be a #good person it is within ur hands i promise u #ok love u goodnight #personal

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