#and trust me im not the only one who feels this way
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cutiecusp · 2 days ago
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Haze. Part 2.
TW. Talk of memory issues, a little PTSD (next part), fluffy smut (next part), AND A HEA! so MDNI.
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"The hell do you mean? Who am i?" You ask, your gaze stubbornly holding his deep, blank stare.
You hold up a hand as Soap starts talking, your focus only on Simon.
"I am your wife, Simon." you state, barely disguising the hurt in your tone, your brow furrowed, fresh tears threatening to escape as all the man in front of you does is stare blankly.
"I'd certainly remember being married." He returns, a scowl forming over the part of the face you can see. His gaze flicks down to his hand, where the small matching tattoo you both wore was gone, a scar in its place.
"See? no ring or marking." His voice rings out loudly on your porch.
Price sees the devastation on your face, and quickly ushers everyone inside, leaving the two of you alone, knowing it could go one of two ways.
Your eyes flitter over him, cementing every memory to detail, the way his clothes are baggier, the new scar on his face, the shorn hair and the way he stares through you, like you are a total stranger.
"We've been married three years this Halloween, Simon." You say softly, your voice betraying your emotions as it wobbles.
Clearing your throat, you step into his space.
He hesitates for a moment, then steps forward, untrusting, like a dog that had been beaten too many times.
"What happened to you?" You ask, your hands reaching out for his, but his hands now remain in his pockets as he shrugged.
"Mission gone wrong." He bit off, clearly not ready to talk about it.
"Will you come in? See the rest of your team?" You ask, hoping something in your shared home will trigger an emotion, anything familiar.
"Is this my home too? is that why Price brought me here?" He asks, doubt dripping with his tone.
You straighten up, and hold out your hand.
"Our home, Si. Always been ours."
He looks down at your outstretched hand, and his eyes meet yours again, this time they hold a little something softer.
"I can trust you?" He rasps.
You hold his gaze, and you throw all the love, the promise, and the trust you can into your eyes. Simon once taught you that the eyes are the biggest giveaway when you lie, so you show him with all that you can that he can trust you.
"You can." you reply easily, although your heart is pounding through your chest, and your brain is internally screaming at Simon to remember you, you smile softly.
His hand perfectly reaches into yours. You hold your breath as the familiarity of his touch floods your body. Unable to keep the tears at bay any longer, you brush them away with the other hand.
Simon stands in front of you, a unreadable expression on his face.
"I may not remember you, yet." He pauses, thinking about his next words carefully.
"But something about you IS familiar. You feel like the first dip in the pool at summer, tea on a frosty morning... Something about you feels like home."
Your breath comes out like a shudder, as he pulls you by the hand into him, his eyes taking you in from your puffy face, to the mismatched socks on your feet.
"If you are my wife, im the luckiest bastard on the planet."
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the final part, part three will be here tomorrow.
@kaeyasfuturewife @xoxunhinged @muneca-lemon-steppa @gardenof-venus @misshugs @soraya-daydreams @frudoo @renpodz @yesornowaitidontknow @thevoiceinyourheadx @shadowdark00 @rynbeerose @lunamoonbby @incredible-walker @identity2212 @pukbadger @urbimom @corvid007 @wordsfromshona @shadows-empress @m00xy @canyonmooncreations @oniraki @evie-119 @havoc973 @kylies-lover-blog @ishipdabands @cmbghost @heckinspooks @midwesternwitchery @eggy-yoke @redzluvvesage @masterclassofescapism @s-a-v-a-n-a-34 @lostintransist @skeletonsucker
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pingintech · 22 hours ago
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i relate to this experience in many regards i like to think of myself as an aspiring butch but in honesty i dont think i really super easily fit into femininity or masculinity 100% in either direction most people are often very truly deeply confused about my gender and consequently often seem like they dont know how to deal with me i definitely think my gender expression leans more masculine however and i dont make an effort to pass because im just me i feel i shouldnt need to conform to an ideal of femininity to be me i think i experience transmisogyny a fair bit but its definitely similarly in places where i expect my identity to be respected where people know what my gender is explicitly mostly work environments distant family members and i know for my part i constantly worry about how people see me or worry that if i make one wrong move everyone around me everyone i allow to get close to me who know who i really am will turn on me and especially because i work in a field where im watching over people younger than me (ages 14-26) in mental and behavioral health it would not be exactly difficult for one of them (or their parents) to make an allegation and suddenly all of those nasty things i suspect people secretly think about trans women being predators would be confirmed even my own kids bio dad once went on a whole rant about how he didnt trust me to raise his kid because i was a scary evil tranny (meanwhile her bio dad is literally a murderer)
frankly i think the way most other trans women discuss transmisogyny is actively a disservice to butch people of any gender cis transmasc or transfemme i think the use of terms like tna have really negatively affected who other trans women think the in group is that needs to be protected
i also dont think its a coincidence that tma as a label often doesnt include trans people who arent out yet or trans ppl with "passing privilege" fundamentally the rhetoric behind that line of thinking is only for the trans women who are being trans women "correctly" and everyone else is clearly exempt from these shared struggles
I only experience transmisogyny within a very narrow set of circumstances.
I'm loud. I'm masculine. I'm fat. I'm muscular.
I'm also a leader. When I speak, my voice is heard. When I speak, my opinion is valued. In my boots and my armor I swagger through the world with my chin up and my shoulders back. In short, people very rarely smell the tranny on me. If they do, they assume I'm a trans man.
In my day to day life I benefit from masculinity.
Transmisogyny happens to feminine transwomen. It happens when they claim their feminine gender. It happens when they step into a feminine role within public society. Transmisogyny happens when you assert your womanhood in a way that the transmisogynist can understand.
Most people don't understand my womanhood.
I don't need most people to understand my womanhood. As I've said elsewhere, it is unreasonable of me to expect a cis person to understand who I am without a lengthy explanation and at least one book. I'll enforce my pronouns all day, but respecting pronouns and recognizing gender are two different things.
I experience transmisogyny only when I need to be recognized as a woman. This, therefore, happens exclusively in queer spaces. It happens behind closed doors. It happens on dating apps. It happens in intimate moments when I let my guard down.
It happens when someone is capable of recognizing me as a woman.
That is not very many people.
Most of the transmisogyny I experience is, in fact, self-inflicted. No one is more aware of the "pervert man trying to invade women's spaces" narrative than I am. No one is more aware of the actual cis men who pretend to be trans butches in order to hit on young lesbians than I am.
In my head, there is a daily war. Desire fights propriety. Pride wars with humilty. Self-defense battles with self-expression. I wrestle with my own recognition of my own womanhood until I'm bloody and exhausted.
Like so many of my sisters, I am Guarded. Selective. Afraid. I must wade through the morass of myself before I can offer my womanhood to someone. Consequently, I have a lot of time to think.
Is intimacy worth it? Is trusting you worth it?
Is it worth it to take my armor off for you? Is it worth it to let you hurt me in a way that is so uniquely painful that the scar will stay with me for the rest of my life?
No. It's usually not.
Do I experience transmisogyny? Yes. But I don't think I experience it in the way most would understand it.
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gospelicas · 1 day ago
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cw stepcest
"i don't think you know just what you do to me."
stepdad!kento's hands on your body are searing hot and desperate,, to say the least. he has you on the dining table, your half eaten dinner pushed aside to make room for you to sit back and accommodate your stepfathers large frame between your thighs. he's so hard it hurts, but you only have so long before your mother finishes up in the shower and comes down to join the both of you for desert.
little does she know, her sweethearted kento is having his fill of desert early. he gropes you with large hands, tweaks at your nipples as he kisses down whatever exposed skin he can find until he's face-to-face with your pretty pussy: his favourite sight. but you're needy and impatient and despite having been licked and worshipped by your stepdad for weeks now he still hasn't stretched you out on his cock.
"you could just fuck me," you whisper, as if your mother could somehow hear you over the running water of her shower upstairs. "im already wet for you..."
he shakes his head, blond hair messing a little as he presses a kiss to your inner thigh. you reach down and take his glasses off to avoid any obstacles between your sensitive clit and his eager mouth.
"you know i won't fuck you, sweet thing."
"why-" you gasp as he licks a stripe through your folds up to your clit- "why not? i want it."
"i'm your step-father. it's wrong," he presses a kiss to your clit. "improper," kiss, "an abuse of power."
"you're literally eating me out right now," you whine. "it's wrong anyways. you want it too, i know you do."
"more than anything," he hums against your pussy. "bet you feel as sweet as you taste, but it's not happening. you need to start respecting the ground rules i lay down, so shut up and let me make you cum before your mother comes back down."
you groan, but lean back on your elbows and let your legs drape over his broad shoulders. kento eats you like he hasn't just indulged himself on your mothers cooking; with needy moans pressed against your clit and lots of spit and tongue and enough kisses to tell you this isn't just sex to him. he digs his fingers into your thighs to pull you impossibly closer to his greedy tongue, but you gasp when the cold of his wedding band presses against your heated skin.
of course, he moves to take it off, mostly out of guilt, but you manage to catch his wrist in your hand before he can. you can feel his sharp exhale against your pussy as you shake your head, something filthy playing behind your eyes. "don't take it off."
your stepdad frowns and you slowly guide his hand to your heat. you mould hiring and middle finger out and press the rest against his palm and tease your own entrance with his hand as if he were only a toy. his wedding band glistens with your sweet nectar, and he can't manage to pull his hand away like he should. "you're cruel," he whispers.
"i know," you sigh and lean back, letting go of his wrist and trusting him to know what you want. "stop if you want to. go join mom in the shower, maybe you could get off with your—"
"don't." kento pistons his fingers into you with a pace that makes you dizzy! your head is falling back and he's reattaching his lips to your clit and showing off that added experience that being so much older than you gives. your fingers drag through his hair, messing up the delicate blond strands in a way you almost hope he doesn't remember to fix before facing your mother again.
and before you know it, he's bring you to the edge of your climax and pushing you over into ecstasy with an ease that makes it feel like you're the one who he should be claiming with jewellery instead! you cum hard around his fingers and greedy kento nanami laps up every last drop of your release like a thirsty dog.
he rests his forehead against your knee and closes his pretty eyes tight. he's trying to will his erection down.
"i can fix that," you offer, already knowing he'll shake his head and tell you that this is for your pleasure, not his. though you know if you had the time for a second round that your taste alone could make the man cum in his pants: it's happened before.
but before he can protest and you can push any further, the sound of running water from upstairs halts and you hear the shower door opening and shutting as your mother finishes up. it's an almost comical race to get your clothes back on and your appearances tidied up, but by the time she's dressed and rejoining you both in the dining room, you're sat in soft chatter about... the economy.
that's okay, though! because your mom quickly gives you a new subject to discuss when she tells you she's going to spend the summer abroad on a business exchange! she hates to leave you two alone like this but it's the opportunity of a lifetime.
and you'll be damned if you get a whole summer alone with your stepdad and don't get him to fuck you properly within the first week :)
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agirlwithglam · 2 days ago
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Stop waiting. That’s it. Just stop. Stop waiting for your manifestations to come. Stop waiting to be a certain person or at a certain place to allow yourself to feel pure love into your life. You are just as worthy of love now as you would be at any other place in your life.
If you haven’t guessed yet, this post is for the girls who want a best friend, someone who they can always trust and depend on. It’s for the girls who believe that they are/ trying to do everything right- working on themselves, growing their confidence, giving themselves love, yet they still wander why they dont feel truly loved yet and they just put it under the reason that “im still not completely healed yet, i need to do more"
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So lets go back to what i said earlier: “you are just as worthy of love now as you would be at any other point in your life”. Do you understand? You need to stop thinking that you need to be perfect from every angle to finally be able to allow PURE love to enter your life. You need to stop thinking that “oh i haven’t gotten a bff/ pure love yet? Well i am obviously doing something wrong and need to work more on myself.” Yes, of course it’s a sign that maybe this little journey you’re on isn’t really done yet, but also just stop. Just stop with these excuses. It doesn’t matter if you’re not 100% who you wish to be, you still deserve someone!!
“So are you telling me I don't need to heal?” Yeah sure I guess. But the thing is that when pure love does come into your life, when someone does come into your life who is loyal, kind, caring wants to give and shower you with love and appreciation, the thing is that even if you do recognise it, you will feel uncomfortable. You’ll feel uncomfortable by the fact that there is someone here willing to give you all the love you want in your life. That’s what healing is for (some people heal for tons of different reasons, but we’re talking about this one) its so that when the right person comes who gives you unconditional love, you don’t push them away or cringe away yourself because you realise that this is what you deserve. We are working on ourselves so that we accept pure and unconditional love as normal and not something only special people deserve. That’s why.
Something that might help getting used to being loved that i got from simonesquared’s video is to actually USE CHATGPT! Yup!! Tell ChatGPT to act like they’re your bff/ husband and tell them your standards and requirements, then just role play with them! This will help you get more used to receiving love in a normal way.
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bigassmoth · 2 days ago
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Something so enticing about a post-apocalypse yandere
Someone dependable who you know will never ice you over resources or possible death. Its scary at times, they seem to consider killing you so "you wouldnt have to endure anymore", but their intense affection for you always wins out.
They dont let you do any dangerous work, so you are put in charge of the base camp. There is only the two of you- and there will never be anyone else. Your companion cannot share you- but they will insist its because outsiders will be a liability and ultimately betray you. So socially isolated you assume your companion has good intentions. When they touch your face, tuck your hair behind your ear, inhale your scent when they hug you- contact they want before they leave the safety of the base. You are lonely too, which is why you let them slide into bed with you and wrap their scarred arms around you. So desperate for human contact that you feel yourself getting wet and hot when their breath tickles your ear.
"Ah...you should have told me. No- it's my fault that I didnt notice sooner." Their voice is so soft and gentle- a voice that has walked you through so much panic and grief. Their rough hands are on you, stroking your legs and ass at a slow pace.
"We should do this...so you can get some sleep." Their fingers dip into your underwear. You dont know how much time passed and how many shuddering orgasms you unleashed with your body pinned between theirs and the wall. Their fingers worked you again and again with a lazy roughness- a result of their marred skin and dexterity. While their mouth lavished your neck with gentle but wet kisses.
Any number of excuses pop up. They join you in the shower, they pull you into their lap during breakfast, they steal your attention from your games.
"To keep your stress down"..."To make sure youre healthy"..."Mental enrichment"..."To save on water"
Of course you dont need any excuse when you kiss the corner of their mouth and ask them to fuck you into oblivion.
As time wears on and resources bounce back from a lack of predation while nature reclaims the space, your survival is easier. They scavange for toys as your lazy days have facilitated frequent fornification.
What you will never know is the number of other survivors they encountered. Some matched their wariness and they parted with a mutual understanding. Most were friendly- wanting to tag along with them or recruit them to their group after witnessing their survivor skills. "Of course we always welcome more hands! Are you traveling with anyone else?" They dont answer, no one needs to know about you. Persistant individuals are killed- they dont trust that some annoying liability wont follow them back to you and attempt to persuade you directly.
When they come back they are extra clingy. Burying themself into your embrace as soon as they have cleaned up. Your gentle hands on their scalp and back, your concerned voice.
"If we ever met other survivors, would you want to join them?" You assume they are distressed after another isolating experience outside.
"Hm, if you trusted them then yes I would. It would certainly lessen your workload." You comfort them, "Im sure we will meet someone at some point. It cant possibly be only us."
They take your comfort in a different direction. Its fine that they killed that enthusiastic man today- because they didnt trust them. You wouldnt mind living with out people, so there was no other survivors they could ever trust. Elimination was necessary.
They grumble their agreement while falling asleep against you. Your complaints about needing to get up and make dinner fall on deaf ears. Once they feel like it they will prepare food, lovingly provide and care for you the way that only they are allowed to.
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jasontoddspussy · 3 days ago
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hanahaki au. but the disease/curse is built so that if its strong enough it'll like, give symptoms to whoever is the cause of the thing in the first place.
jason has hanahaki. his hanahaki is caused by his self hate, and jealousy. he's deep deep down envious of dick. he wants to be loved so, so badly. he wants to have a family. and yet he was betrayed. the bats dont like or trust him. he hates himself so so much.
and the hanahaki seizes him then. making him cough up blue flowers (im unsure which yet, this is just like base idea)
its so strong that *dick* coughs up flowers - marigolds. and he's like. wtf. he contacts and talks to raven abt it who tells him the curse isn't within him - whoever that flower represents is the one dying right now. and dick being dick finds out its jason and tries to save him. he tries to like. hang out with jason more. he tries to be there for him. and jason is aggresive and annoyed and finally ends up coughing up bloody flowers and dicks like please, jay. you know i love you. and jasons like. no, you don't. not in the way i need you to.
what jason means; you don't love who i am now, you love the dead kid i was. you don't trust me now. you wish i was still dead and that i'd never come back to life.
what dick *Thinks* jason means: i'm in love with you, but i know you see me as only a brother and that you can't reciprocate.
and dick thinks to himself "oh god. jasons in love with me." and decides then and there, that he's gonna beat the curse into the ground with the affection that jason needs, because the curse will "wilt" away if it's tricked into thinking the love is returned. he's gonna have to act like an interested lover, he thinks, or else jason will die.
he starts out slowly. initiating more body contact. he has to be slow or else jason will realise whats going on and then he might die quicker. it takes him weeks but jasons drunk and they're together drinking and dick kisses him, pretending to be drunk (he's tipsy but nowhere near as drunk as jason is) and jasons like ? dickie? what're you...doing? we- you shouldn't do this, we shouldn't- we're siblings- and dicks like shh sh it's okay jaybird, i got you it's okay
they kiss but it turns into making out and dick *loathes* that he can just do that while jason is all blushing and kinda innocent/confused, that he can do this to his *Brother* - and jasons like you cant be serious, you want to- to have sex? with *me*? and dicks like well, if you want to. we can also not. and jasons like why would you want to do that with me. we're siblings. and dicks like "you're a crimelord, jason" and jasons like yeah but also have you seen me? im more scar tissue than flesh. i have a pussy, im big and hairy and-
and dick hasn't looked at jasons body naked like that. he hasn't studied him. he couldn't bring himself to. and jasons still like. going on about how he doesn't understand how anyone, much less golden boy dick grayson, could look at him and see something attractive. and dick feels so, so guilty abt doing this but he can't stop, he has to keep going to save jason's life.
in the smut scene it's like... dick is trying to tell jason he's gorgeous and what not bcs it doesnt sound like jason has a lot of confidence, which is a surprise to him, and instead of letting himself think too much about it, he.. hotdogs? him is that the term, and jasons just flushed and pliant and needy and dicks like... i got condoms and lube... if you want to? and jason says ok. but uh. i dont know what im doing.. im..ive never done this. before. so, uh. yeah. and dick screams inside himself at the fact he's taking his little brother's virginity but outside just nods and assures jason its okay, they're safe here this is okay-
i havent decided yet if this is purposeful or not but the condom is broken. and jason ends up getting knocked up. and dick is so confused bcs the curse should be done but it's *not*-
and he realises...
he may... not have any idea about who jason is. because red hood, the man he thought he knew, is a dramatic, extremely talented fighter & assassin who is cunning and a masterplanner, self assured and a hardass.
but the drunk jason was just a mess of self-hate and maybe- maybe the curse isn't because he's in love with dick, but because he's in love with what dick *has*, because jason hates himself and dick-
dick just fucked his little brother and he may or may not have fucked their entire relationship up.
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saturnservers · 2 days ago
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okay, not to burst some bubbles, but i do LOVE kazam.. i just know it would never work out? like i love the idea of kazam... like... okay, so kazam will never be a healthy thing until kaboodle understands herself or understands how to healthily manage her feelings in regards to her lack of ... guidance? all she has is karmas law to guide her morals and actions, but that's a thing she keeps separated from her "true" self. like some omnipotent thing she can't control (she can) [more below cut... this is a YAP fest now]
and on top of that, her mistreatment (intentional or not) of zam, and even other people around her is so? like okay, lets not get upset she killed a naked jepexx, lets not be stupid, the same thing has happened to her before so she just thinks its a thing that happens, its not right but i'll defend her there.
but her interpersonal relationships really bum me out? i think lskab is vv capable of learning, and her parallel of s4 zam w eclipsefed and zam taking that role for her... like zam grew, and so could they but for now? It's understandable why people dont like lskab, because we dont even know who lskab is... like? what does she stand for? what are her morals? she could say it's karmas law and keeping the server going, but is it?
take for example, mawn. zam and kab both love spawn and want preserve it, constantly rebuilding the homes and builds there, but when mawn came around, while yes zam left bcs he didnt wanna fight mapicc, another reason is bcs zam acknowledged people LIKED mawn. they ENJOYED not dying every time they went to mawn. and zam was unwilling to take that from the server
meanwhile, kab wants to keep spawn active, so she created her own, one that actively rivals mawn not just in name but in status, in activity, in function. and she seems to behave so naively about it? she thinks no one will blow it up, but manepear isn't the only one with access to tnt, and sure, re:spawn is above mawn, but it's the same chunks? if the stone and caves below mawn are still mawn, if zams Island is still mawn, then surely, so is re:spawn? i feel like.. this wasn't thought through very well... and beyond that, it's the fact that kab keeps going, "No one, person should own spawn," but mawn belongs to flame AND mapicc... and to a certain extent? even spoke and jepexx
It's just idk... lskab doesn't think through things vv well because she has a certain belief of how people act, and she thinks they wouldn't defy their expectations. meanwhile, zam is someone who thinks and overthinks every action every word, every look he gives up. its to the point that he gives people the bod because he KNOWS them, while lskab decides to trust immediately and then despise... kab is so .... genuinely interesting?
like you either hate lskab or love her, and im like... can we acknowledge her flaws and their misguided nature while also seeing her strengths and kindness and love?? i am talking abt lstwt btw,,, vv scary rn... anyways.. shoutout kazam, i hope they go to prom together and have another falling out bcs, lskab reminds zam why he is so uncomfortable around them!
like i get so annoyed w lskabs mischaracterizations sometimes, but i love that? its so human to expect someone to behave one way and be shocked when they dont. even though i do think lskab and zam could def learn from one another, lskab holds a refreshing pov (being a new player and encouraging zam to build a place for himself [i think?!]) and zam holds very wise advice (for a new player whos going a similar path, zam is a very reliable person rn and a very loyal one too, beyond his paranoia), idk i just think they could be an awesome duo and even though theyre super toxic and fit like a dog and a cat, kazam is vv interesting and i hate that people just dont want to talk about it...
or ideally, in a perfect world shaped in my image, zam and planet go together since bacon won't take planet.... dandelion duo COME BACK PLEASEEEEEE
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mcytegg · 15 days ago
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Roshambogames Teammate tierlist 👍
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its basically just my incredibly biased personal opinion on who i think ro would work well w in a team. (mapicc gets his own tier bc he is mapicc.)
#lifesteal#roshambogames#and yes i actually have reasoning for every single one of my placements#but i dont feel like writing an extensive post so ill explain some of the interesting ones here#yes the tag monster is back at it again LOL#N E ways! lets start w minute bc i gen think they could never last as teammates. esp w other people in the team as well#minute literally doesnt trust ro to stay loyal to anyone if mapicc exists on the server#its why i think that if ro ever joined the empire it wouldve been the beginning of the end for it bc even on the same team#minutes inherent in distrust in ro's loyalty [to anyone who isnt mapicc] would accelerate the teams inevitable downfall#but like thats only in a world where ro played the server LOL i wanna make a post abt this still bc i think abt it a lot#ANYWAYS next we have flame!! i actually rly think theyd be hella compatible#if ro locked tf in i do actually think he and flame could do some dastardly things to the server#ro is a creative and flame is someone who is incredibly loyal and has the strength to makr their shared ideas a reality#tho i think theyd also balance on the very thin line of “die with me or die by my hands” bc i cant imagine them splitting peacefully#either they end the server together or ro is banned by flame himself. no in between LMFAO#and for the last person ill talk abt hannah bc i feel like he and hannah would actually mesh rly well???#but only if they have other teammates too bc ro is very busy and hannah only rly plays when shes asked to#so they need teammates who play the server to act as the glue for them LOL#but like ya i feel like theyd bounce ideas off each other really well?? like hannah is similar to flame in her loyalty#and ro's willingness to do projects w her would encourage hannah in doing more on the server and having plans of her own#i also think they mesh well personality wise bc ro is silly and hannah needs someone to be silly w bc she gets stressed easily#tho that can easily backfire bc ro's silliness may stress her out More in certain situations so like .#they def need other teammates to balance them out LMFAO#okay im done being the tag monster thank u if u read my tag yapping#i have a headache LOL
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theladyfae · 4 months ago
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the lazarus experiment / her island, rita dove
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pleasedontcareaboutme · 4 months ago
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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xycuro-illuminati · 1 year ago
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Yeah and that's why it sucks read my post and my tags again
We will never go back to the days where Matt wasn't considered catholic this is all the m/cu netflix show's fault
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jackass-jones · 7 months ago
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Just the way Shin Tsukimi’s “mask off” moment is him becoming increasingly frustrated to the point of having a nervous breakdown where all he can do is laugh maniacally because he’s so done with everyone acting so incompetent and not seeing things “as they are” (aka how he sees them) is just. Mwah chefs kiss hes just like me fr 😰
#yttd#shin tsukimi#like guys you just cant comprehend the ways in which we are the same guy#in the good ways and the bad ways#cuz like god this is exactly how id feel in the same situation literally exactly#it IS how i feel constantly and its an infuriating experience when its like#it feels like you hold the inherent truth like you see something no one else can and you try so fucking hard to explain it#you dumb it down as much as possible but no one will listen to you even though youre trying your best and so you just lose it#and you just sit on your high chair all alone cuz why bother talking when youre clearly the only competent one here#and its so real because shin is like. justified for the most part! he DOES know shit that no one else does!#no one can see how dangerous sara is or how stupid it is to put all this blind trust in her and he doesnt get that it makes no logical sense#but to everyone else sara is just a nice smart girl who wants to help so why wouldnt they trust her?#and hes just so like stuck in his ways about it and believes it so strongly and why wouldnt he? he knows the statistics#and he knows he himself is weak its all hes ever believed about himself#god like. that scene just means so much to me lol i relate so hard it hurts#and its hard to know when youre justified in your beliefs and when youre talking nonsense it all feels the same#and you dont WANT to be an ass you want to understand truly but you literally cant comprehend being that stupid#im so glad this character exists man
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guinevereslancelot · 5 months ago
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decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy
#literally can't work with my new boss bc i can't trust her#she went to the head of the department with complaints abt me without ever speaking to me or giving me any indication she was unhappy#and various other reasons im not happy w management and the school in general#HOWEVER#i love the kids sm and im gonna miss them and worry abt them 😭😭😭😭#im literally scared for some of them bc it feels like the other teachers have no empathy for some of my favorite kids#one of them who is so so sweet and when he cries i'm the girst to comfort him bc everyone else thinks he needs to toughen up 😭#also my new boss sucks so so bad and is gonna be such a bad influence on him and all the other kids#and my main co teacher said she's gonna quit if i do so i cant even beg her to look out for my babies and take care of them 😭💔#and it would be unprofessional to mention any concerns to the parents but genuinely some of the kids would be better off elsewhere#like im actually worried about it#i dont want some of the really sweet sensitive kids to lose their sweetness bc they're being treated unkindly#and the worst bullies and spoiled kids are the ones the teachers dote on#so it encourages some of the sweet ones to act out for attention#anyway 💔#i really do need to go tho#and i'm sure i'll love the kids at my new job#but im so sadddd#also its unlikely i can find a well paying job w this age group even tho i love this age group#its basically impossible not to get attached to them at this age and i get to pick them up and hold and cuddle them and stuff#and you cant really do that with the older kids sadly#literally on the verge of tears even seriously thinking abt leaving#things have been p bad for a while due to management but i never seriously considered leaving bc i love the kids so much#but i literally can't see a future here#and my new boss clearly hates me and im worried she's going to try to get me fired#she already made up a bunch of lies about me and its only been three weeks#anyway i only make 15 an hour so hopefully i'll at least get more somewhere else and i know i'll still love the kids#its just really hard#which is why i've stayed this long#i was p unhappy before my new boss even started bc of the way they treated my old boss
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arielluva · 6 months ago
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i keep thinking about how scared i am about starting college and im trying to hammer in "do it scared" with the like. 3 weeks i have before it starts
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ayyponine · 6 months ago
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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satoumafuyuss · 1 year ago
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shes just like me fr 💚
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