#i keep thinking about how id have to drive by myself and go somewhere unfamiliar and start something new and IM SCARED!!!!!

[arielluva]

i keep thinking about how scared i am about starting college and im trying to hammer in "do it scared" with the like. 3 weeks i have before it starts

[rosemaidenvixen]

A Secret’s Worth

Chapter 14: Barbara

Ao3

The brochure had been feather light when Barbara had picked it up at the travel agency earlier today, but now it felt like there was a brick in her purse.

It took a great deal of effort to keep her eyes on the road and not on the handbag sitting in the passenger seat. 

Ever since Barbara had seen that magazine article all those months ago, in the back of her mind she always knew how ridiculous it sounded. Her son's nightly transformation being linked to seventeenth century witch trials that had happened on the other side of the country; no matter which way you cut it, it was a stretch. Nix that, even a stretch started from somewhere rational, this was a half-baked, half-assed, barely-plausible, hypothesis. 

But she couldn’t let it go without making sure. The odds of finding anything might be slim to none, but Barbara couldn’t risk letting a cure slip through her fingers. 

And she’d already done all the research she could from California, the only thing left was to go to Massachusetts and look for answers there. 

It wouldn’t be an easy trip, by any stretch of the word. Taking a plane was theoretically possible but in practicality way too risky, and it was much too far for her to drive them. Their journey was going to involve switching between buses and trains and stopping at different motels each night. But maybe, just maybe, three thousand miles away, they would find the answers they were looking for. 

A lead weight sank into the pit of her abdomen as the house came into view.

Logistics aside, what worried Barbara the most was that in all the research she’d done the past few months, there was nothing suggesting that there was actual magic involved in the Salem witch trials. Nada. Zip. Zilch. And mounds and mounds of evidence to suggest colonial mass hysteria and a gigantic coincidence based on a common name. Knowing that, the thought of dragging them both to the other side of the country, only to find nothing.... 

That scared her.

But not because she was afraid of failing, Barbara had plenty of opportunities to get used to that over the past ten years, but because this was it. Their last clue, the final stone to unturn, the end of the line. If they didn’t find anything on this trip…

Her throat tightened as the house came into view.

Then it was over, for good.

Turning to pull into the driveway, she was surprised by the presence of an unfamiliar Niesan parked on the sidewalk. Usually they didn’t get many strangers in their little cul de sac, maybe it was a salesman, or Jehova’s Witnesses. Either way she had bigger things to worry about. Putting it out of her mind, Barbara pulled into the driveway and killed the ignition; five breaths in, hold for five, out for five more. 

The conversation she was about to have with Jim was going to be rough. No matter how tactful she was there was no way he was going to react well to hearing about the Salem Witch hypothesis she’d been sitting on for months, much less how she was planning on taking them to the east coast for a good chunk of the summer.

But as much as she was tempted to, Barbara couldn’t put off telling him forever.

Best to not drag her feet any longer and rip the bandaid right off.

Steeling herself with a final deep breath, Barbara grabbed her purse, stepped out of the car, and marched up to the front door.

“Jim?” she peeked inside “Are you--”

The rest of the sentence died in her throat.

There was a man, not a particularly threatening looking one but still a stranger to her, sitting on their staircase, going through their clean laundry basket like he owned it.

She froze midstep; the picture in front of her too baffling to form a coherent reaction to. 

The man glanced up at her from the basket “Oh Dr. Lake, glad to see you here,”

“I-- you-- who-- who are you? What are you doing in my house?”

The man didn’t answer, instead a new voice cut in “Hello Dr. Lake, how about you join us in the living room?”

Still bewildered beyond all belief, Barbara found herself moving towards the living room. Stepping around the corner, the first thing she noticed was a woman, just as unthreatening and unfamiliar as the man on the stairs, sitting on their couch and smiling at her. It was the second thing she noticed that caused her confusion to shift into concern. 

Jim, sitting bolt upright on the other side of the couch facing the woman, plastic smile carved into his face “Hi mom, welcome home,”

Barbara just stood there frozen in the door frame. What was happening, these people didn’t look or act like burglars or home invaders….but who were they? What were they doing here? And why was Jim so on edge and desperate not to show it? 

“What is….going on?”

“Oh I’m sorry, let me introduce myself,” the woman stood and held up an ID badge “My name is Dorothy Butler, you can call me Dorrie, I’m an investigator with CPS,”

For a second it felt like time had stopped.

Then Dorrie, 

The child protective services investigator

Held out her hand, and everything became painfully real.

Forcibly snapping herself out of it, Barbara reached out and shook the offered hand, willing herself not to tremble, and returned Dorrie’s smile with one of her own. Panicked scream ringing silently in her skull.

Dorothy Butler.

CPS investigator.

A fist to the gut would have been less shocking and painful.

Who had called, what had they seen? Had it been their routine made someone suspicious, or had they seen something more--

Barbara clamped down on that thought hard, walking over and taking a seat at the couch next to Jim, using years of practice as an ER doctor to compartmentalize and stay composed. 

For whatever reason these people were here, right now it was vital for Barbara to maintain a level head. Keep calm, tread carefully, figure out what exactly had brought these people to their home, and what it would take for them to leave.

Besides, if someone had seen something...telling, it wouldn’t be CPS that came knocking on the door.

“Sorry I guess I’m just...a little confused, why are you here, who called you?”

Dorrie’s porcelain smile didn’t so much as twitch “Someone came to us concerned that about the disciplinary methods going on in your household, but I’m afraid I can’t tell you who, that information is confidential,”

Not the answer she’d been hoping for, but not an unexpected one. Even with the waves of dread it sent through her.

Barbara leaned over to get a better look at the man still sitting on the stairs “So who is…”

“That’s Detective Charles Lunau, he’s my police escort,”

“I’m sorry your what now?”

“It’s nothing to be concerned about,” Dorrie’s expression instantly switched from chipper to contrite “It’s just standard department procedure,”

Barbara had more questions but bit her tongue, it would not be in her, or Jim’s, best interests to come off as defensive right now.

But her brain was starting to catch up to her surroundings. And anger was starting to rise past the shock.

“I know you’re with child protective services, but you can’t come in to my house, talk to my son, without--”

Dorrie whipped a folded piece of paper out of her bag and held it towards Barbara “Here’s your copy of the search warrant, please feel free to look it over and keep it for your records,”

The bottom dropped out of her stomach for the second time today. From beside her she could see Jim flinch.

Barbara numbly reached out and took the paper, a quick glance revealing the seals and signatures that meant it was official. Turning the anger in her veins to ice.

An investigation was one thing, anyone could shoot their mouth off and get CPS to come sniffing around. But a warrant meant that not only had someone reported them, but they had given something concrete enough for someone else to take it to a judge and get him to put down his signature.

More than that, a warrant meant that Dorrie and Charles could look where they wanted, talk to who they wanted, and stay as long as they darn well pleased.

Which meant that now Barbara really had to play nice.

“Well then…” she took a deep, grounding breath “How can I help you?”

Dorrie beamed, clearly pleased at the cooperation “Right now we’re just trying to get a feel for how things are in your household, Jim and I were already talking about some things, now I’d like the three of us to talk together, does that sound good?”

“Yes...that would be fine,”

“Great, then let’s get started,” she pulled over a notebook that had been sitting on the coffee table “Besides Jim and yourself, who comes and goes from your home on a regular basis?”

“No one I think, it’s mostly just us-- Oh! Except for Jim’s friends, they come around fairly regularly,”

He nodded along with her words “Yeah, and they’re all pretty well behaved, straight A’s and all that stuff,”  

Dorrie quickly scrawled something in her notebook “What are your friends’ full names?”

Jim frowned but answered all the same “Toby Domzalski, Claire Nuñez, Darci Scott, Mary Wang,”

A few more notes and Dorrie paused her pen and looked up “And how are your grades Jim, any areas where you’re struggling in school?”

“No not really, all A’s and B’s and stuff,”

“I can send you a copy of Jim’s most recent report card if that would help,” Barbara added.

Dorrie beamed “That would be great, now can you tell me what kind of family activities you two do together?”

Barbara and Jim turned towards each other simultaneously.

“We...go camping pretty often,” Barbara said haltingly.

“Yeah, kind of our thing, love the great outdoors,” Jim let out an awkward chuckle.

“Good good,” Dorrie turned towards Barbara, smile shifting into something more somber “Now how do punishments and discipline work in your house?”

Her heart skipped a beat “There aren’t really any huge issues, Jim’s never had behavioral problems severe enough for me to be deeply concerned about discipline,” she risked a peek at Jim from the corner of her eye, for the most part he appeared calm, but his face had gone deathly pale.

“On the rare occasions I do find a punishment necessary, it’s usually grounding from video games or electronics, how long depends on the severity of the situation,”

Dorrie’s smile slid back into place as she jotted down another note “I know a lot of households operate at different hours, so do you have any kind of set curfew in place?”

“Yes…” Barbara continued “Four pm during the winter and six pm after daylight savings,”

“Why did you pick those hours?”

Barbara paused, and very deliberately did not look towards Jim “I think it's safer that he’s home before dark,”

In her peripheral vision she could see Jim stiffen.

Her chest tightened. She just got a sinking feeling she’d just said something she shouldn’t.

Dorrie’s only response was to keep smiling and jot down another note “So between school and work how do you--”

“Actually I have a question,”

Barbara over to see Detective Lunau coming into the room holding the laundry basket “Are you dating anyone Dr. Lake?”

She was momentarily taken aback “I’m sorry, what?”

“As of this moment are you currently dating or in a romantic relationship?”

“No. No I’m not. I haven’t dated anyone for years,”

He set down the basket and pulled out something on top. Her breath hitched when she saw it was one of Jim’s pajama shirts.

“Do you mind telling me who this belongs to?”

“That’s mine,” Jim piped up, startling her.

Lunau looked at the shirt, then back at Jim, frowning “Seems pretty big for you,”

Jim’s smile slipped just a fraction “I like baggy clothes...”

Going by the look on Lunau’s face he found this hard to believe. Jim trailed off, tension in the room rising.

“Ok,” Dorrie abruptly broke the silence, shutting her notebook and getting to her feet “How about we all take a break and go look around the house?”

This new development had problems of its own, but Barbara was mainly relieved that the subjects of clothes and her social life were being dropped “That’s fine,”

Dorrie grinned at her “Great,”

The rest of them stood and followed her towards the stairs. Lunau held back to let them pass, and then followed them up.

Meanwhile Barbara was still trying to reassemble her mind. Trying to gather her thoughts felt like herding bees, but she needed to get it together and figure out what they had laying around the house that needed to be tucked out of sight, or at the least they should come up with a very good explanation for.

She only remembered right as they all stepped up to Jim’s bedroom door.

They all reacted the instant Dorrie pulled it open; Dorrie herself flinched and took half a step back, both her and Charles cringing, Jim had gone even paler and Barbara had to fight to keep a wince off her face.

Frowning for the first time since Barbara had seen, Dorrie turned back and addressed her “Can you tell me about this smell?”

Barbara just stood there, hoping she didn’t look as much like a deer in headlights as she felt.

The smell wasn’t anything overly rotten, halfway between vegetation and musk, but it was distinctly animal. And it got even more noticeable after Jim started puberty. At first Barbara had been vigilant about scrubbing it out of his clothes and sheets as soon as it started to linger. Until Jim had admitted he couldn’t stand the way soap and air freshener smelled when he was blue. Since then they'd decided to more or less let the scent go in his room while making sure to keep it out of the rest of the house.

None of which she could say to the woman in front of her.

Not to mention that she’d just now recalled the other thing that was unusual about Jim’s room.

“I...it’s--”

“It’s my fault,” Jim said abruptly, causing every head in the room to swivel towards him.

He flushed under the scrutiny “I’m...bad about washing my sheets and stuff,” 

Dorrie, still frowning, jotted something down in her notebook before looking back up “Is it ok if we go inside Jim?”

His face was tight “Sure….”

Jim stepped ahead of them and pushed open the door, allowing them to file in before he followed suit.

Barbara’s insides knotted as he shut the door behind him. 

Dorrie stumbled a little bit, the space was cramped with four of them in it, before glancing between Barbara and Jim, looking equal parts confused and concerned “Is there any particular reason your bed is so messy?”

This time Barbara knew the flinch showed on her face. Calling it messy was being generous.

During the little time that Jim slept at night he tossed and turned aggressively, inevitably making tangled nests out of sheets rather than sleeping under them. It had taken years of work and a special hypoallergenic fitted sheet to keep Jim from tearing the mattress apart. But they still couldn’t keep him from tangling up the sheets.

Jim forced out an uncomfortable laugh “Guess I’m just bad about making it…” 

Dorrie briefly held his gaze before looking towards Barbara.

Barbara knew that she was waiting for her to say something regarding Jim’s bedding situation, to step in as his parent and caretaker and provide a good explanation.

But she couldn’t speak past the lump of static in her throat, teeth digging into her lip.

After a few moments of loaded silence Dorrie quietly raised her ever present book and took down another note.

“How about we look at the bathroom?”

The bathroom was, mercifully, normal. But Barbara had to force herself not to glance out the window at the steadily setting sun while Dorrie rifled through their medicine cabinet.

They were running against the clock here, sunset was in less than an hour and she didn’t know how long Dorrie and Chalres were planning on staying. And the warrant meant that they weren’t leaving until they were good and ready.

And the way he kept tugging at his sleeve and glancing at his watch told her the time hadn't escaped Jim’s notice either.

After finding nothing amiss in the bathroom or her bedroom, they soon found themselves back downstairs; Dorrie casually peeking inside their fridge and cabinets “How do you handle meal times with Jim’s school and your irregular hours,”

Finally an easy question “I try to keep a good supply of snacks and ready-to-eat meals on hand, we go shopping together once a week to get everything we need,” Barbara said, Jim nodding along in agreement with her “Jim enjoys cooking and does a lot of our meals together, We try to to eat together as often as possible, but there will be some nights I leave Jim to find his own dinner,”

“What about chores and housework?”

This question was a bit trickier, Barbara hadn’t even thought of the best way to answer before Jim piped up.

“I--”

“Jim,” Dorrie interrupted, not unkindly “I know you’re trying to be helpful, but I really need to hear this from your mom,”

He clapped his mouth shut, face red, all eyes in the room slowly turning towards Barbara. 

“We...try to split things up pretty equally. I do clean and cook on my days off, and Jim has a chore list and contributes to meals when he’s up for it,”

Barbara glanced around the room, Dorrie’s face was still a neutral mask, but Lunau was frowning darkly and Jim was positively ashen.

A cold lump dropped in her ribcage. She knew she had just said the wrong thing.

How many times did that make now?

This was too much, she couldn’t keep doing this, guessing and trying to give the right answer. She was already on edge, and didn’t know how many more straws she could take before she snapped.

“I’m tired,” Jim spoke up suddenly “Can I be done?”

Barbara stared at him in surprise, before shooting a discreet glance out the window. They had a little time left, but she wasn’t sure how Dorrie would react to such a blunt demand.

Looking over at Dorrie, also appearing surprised by the sudden request, she appeared to consider it for a moment before smiling at him “Oh of course, but before you go just one more thing,” she flipped through her notebook “You’ve sustained injuries from an animal attack on your ankle, correct?”

This time when she bit her lip Barbara tasted blood, how on earth did they know about that!?

Jim raised an eyebrow, looking more confused than anything else “....yeah?”

“Do you mind showing us?”

He froze “What now?”

“If you don’t want to that’s perfectly alright, you don’t have to,”

Anger rippled up, eclipsing every ounce of anxiety. Damn right he didn’t have to, warrant or no warrant, this woman had just crossed a line. Barbara was half a second away from telling Dorrie just how outrageous her request was and that there was no way she was examining her son, when Jim cut in.

“No! No--” Jim stopped himself and took in a deep breath “It’s fine,”

Before she could stop him Jim propped up his foot on a stool and rolled up a pant leg, exposing faint pink lines an inch above the ankle joint “There, see? No big deal,”

Dorrie stepped closer, leaning in to glance at the scars. Lunau hung back, but kept his eyes locked on Jim and Dorrie. She spent the longest ten seconds of Barbara’s life staring at her son’s ankle before looking up “Thank you Jim, that will be all,”

He gave a curt nod, before jerking his pant leg back over his ankle and putting his foot down “I’ll be in my room,”

With that he turned and headed upstairs. Barbara hoped that his rush to escape the room was only obvious to her.

Dorrie and Lunau watched him retreat up the stairs, once he was gone their focus shifted onto towards Barbara. 

“Now Dr. Lake we’re just about done here there’s a few more things I want to ask you,”

Barbara nodded along, even as her heart soared at the words ‘just about done’ “Alright then, do you mind if we sit at the table?”

“Not at all,”

Forcing herself to maintain a neutral expression, she was in the homestretch just had to make it to the end, Barbara stepped over and took a seat at the table; Dorrie and Lunau right behind her.

She was going to make it, just a few more questions and these people would be out of her house.

She was going to be ok. Jim was going to be ok.

Settling into the wooden chair, Lunau standing behind her, Dorrie held up her notebook and pen “Can you describe your and Jim’s relationship with your extended family?”

The second those words fell from her lips whatever relief Barbara had started feeling vanished. Her stomach curdled, acid rising in the back of her throat.

Not a completely unexpected question, they wanted to get some background on the situation and see if there was a history of abuse. But that still didn’t mean it was going to be easy for her to answer.

“Of-- of course,” Barbara took in several gusty breaths to steady herself, and then spoke.

“I’m not in contact with any of my living relatives and I haven’t been for sixteen years, Jim has never met or spoken with any of them,”

That statement caused both Dorrie and Lunau to perk up instantly.

“Why is that?” Dorrie asked, pen poised and ready.

Somehow Barbara’s throat got even tighter “My maternal grandmother, my last grandparent, passed away when Jim was two, my only aunt and uncle are my mother’s sister and her husband, they were never interested in a relationship with me so I never pursued one. I have no siblings,”

“And your parents?”

Her face burned, chest tight, all the emotion from this afternoon threatening to bubble out and explode, along with decades old wounds ready to tear open and bleed fresh. 

“I made the choice to cut them out of my life when I was twenty three,” Barbara said at last, unable to maintain eye contact as she did.

When Dorrie spoke up again her voice was softer than she expected “And why did you decide to do that?”

It was a long time before Barbara answered, summoning the words back from a part of her life she had long tried to move past.

“Both of my parents were emotionally abusive to me for my entire childhood,”

“Do you mind giving me a specific example?”

Actually she’d prefer to get an appendectomy without anesthesia “They….they were constantly critical of me,” not good enough, some people wouldn’t even call that abusive “They used guilt to manipulate me all the time, growing up I was always trying to appease them and keep them happy,”

Her voice nearly cracked towards the end. It was true, all of it, but there was more, so much more. How much were these people going to drag out of her before they were satisfied?

In a move that surprised her, Dorrie extended a hand across the table, not touching, but close “I’d like to know the steps you took to go no contact with them, but please take all the time you need Dr. Lake,” 

Barbara nodded her acknowledgement while gripping the armrests of her chair, knuckles white  She was standing on the edge of a cliff, pushed there inch by inch by everything that had happened to her since she walked in the door. She needed to calm down, get it together, shut this chapter of her life back up and plow forward. 

“When I realized that they were never going to change I decided that I didn’t want them in my life anymore, I left home at seventeen to live with my grandmother, but for a while we still spoke on the phone and saw each other at family gatherings. But when Jim was born I knew I never wanted him exposed to any of that toxicity and cut them off completely. To this day my parents don’t have our contact information or even know what city we live in,”

She risked a glance across the table.

Lunau, whether because he was unbothered or had an excellent poker face, hadn’t responded at all to Barbara’s story, for her part Dorrie’s expression was somber, but also sympathetic “I can see why you would make that decision, what about his father’s family?”

Now that question was a lot easier, even if knowing what question was sure to come after it made the burning in her gut return with a vengeance “We’re not in contact with them either, James’ grandparents were never involved in his life, neither were his aunts and uncles. His parents live in South Carolina, we never visited but we did speak over the phone back when we-- James and I, were together, but once we….separated that contact ceased, James has a half brother, but he lives in Georgia and I’ve never had contact with him,”

“And James, your ex-husband,” Dorrie said gently “How did your relationship with him end?”

Even though she’d seen that question coming from a mile away, hearing it out loud, Barbara knew she must look physically ill.

With her parents she hadn’t asked to be born or chosen to grow up with them, but James….

James was a mess she’d gotten into all on her own.

All of a sudden Barbara couldn’t do this anymore, she was fighting with everything she had to stay composed, but all she wanted to do was scream, tear off her skin and let the raging storm inside her explode “I...I...I’m sorry can we just take a break for a minute?”

Lunau frowned “Actually--”

“Actually,” Dorrie cut in “I think we’re at a good spot to stop for today,”

Shock and relief rushed through her like twin lightning bolts, hot and cold all at once “Really?”

“Yes,” Dorrie said, getting to her feet “It sounds like that’s a complicated subject, and it’s getting late, so how about we meet up another day so you can tell me everything in more detail?”

So it didn’t look like she was completely out of the woods, but still Barbara would take what she could get “Of course, that would be just fine,”

“Excellent,” Dorrie tore a page out of her notebook and slid it and her pen towards Barbara “If you can just give me your contact info I’ll send you some dates and times and you can let me know what works best for you,”

Beyond grateful that today’s visit was almost at an end, Barbra hastily scratched down her phone number and email address before sliding it back to Dorrie, who gently folded it and tucked it into her pocket.

“Just one last question before we go, is there anything in particular that you find yourself struggling with as a single parent?”

By this point Barbara was so burnt out that she was barely able to put together a cohesive answer “I...I’m sure there is, but nothing comes to mind right now,” 

Dorrie beamed at her, and as much as she was grateful for her patience this woman’s overly cheery attitude was uncanny “Struggling is nothing to be ashamed of, taking care of a family is hard work,”

She held out a pamphlet towards Barbara “Here are some general resources if you ever feel like things are getting to be too much,”

Barbara barely had time to take the pamphlet before Dorrie was flashing a business card in her direction to “And here’s my card with my contact information. If you ever have any problems or get into a jam, or even if you just want to talk, don’t hesitate to call me,”

“Thank you,” Barbara said as she took the card, guilt managing to wriggle it’s way in past every other emotion.

These people hadn’t come here with the intention of destroying their lives, they just wanted to help. But the fact of the matter was they couldn’t, not unless Dorrie had a magic wand tucked next to her pen.

The cold hard truth was that one else could be trusted with Jim’s secret, and by extension, taking care of him.

Dorrie glanced over at Lunau, that seemed to be some kind of queue as they both got to their feet “Alright I think we’re done here,”

Even though she was counting the seconds until they were gone, Barbara forced herself to go through the motions “Are you sure? Is there anything else you need to see?”

Once again Dorrie flashed Barbara her unflappable smile “No need, we were able to take a look at everything we needed to. Take care,”

Barbara gave a halfhearted wave as they walked away “Thanks, have a good rest of your night,”

“You to,” with that Dorrie and Lunau stepped out the front door, shutting it behind them. Barbara sat in silence for a few seconds, then thirty, only when a whole minute had passed did Barbara allow herself to go limp and collapse against the table, awashed with equal parts overwhelming relief and overpowering dread.

It was a massive load off her back to have the investigators out of the house, why had they been here in the first place? Who had called? What exactly had they seen?

Dorrie and Lunau. What were they talking about right now? The curfew? The smell? The bed? The scars? Her?

Barbara pushed against the table and forced herself up straight.

She couldn’t let herself fall into a spiral of paranoia, the bottom line was if one person saw something concerning, another could as well. And regardless of what Dorrie and Lunau had seen, that bell had been well and truly rung. The only thing they could do was watch themselves on all sides and make sure that no one in their lives had reason to be suspicious. 

And it was just one visit, it wasn’t like they were already looking up foster homes. If she and Jim cooperated and played along this was sure to fizzle out in a month or two.

But then why couldn’t she stop trembling?

Barbara dragged herself to her feet, heading into the kitchen to make some tea to hopefully settle her nerves, fighting and losing the battle against working herself into a panic.

And she couldn’t stop thinking about what could have possibly been concerning enough to get a warrant signed?

She paused mid step and glanced around the room. Admittedly the visit with Dorrie and Lunau could have gone better, but it wasn’t like they’d seen anything outright damning. If they made a point to clean up Jim’s room and for Barbara to pick up a few more chores they should be in the clear. And the scars….

Well every animal bit had to look a little different.

So why did she feel almost sick with dread, why couldn’t she shake the feeling that something deeply private had been exposed?

All they’d done was talk a little bit and look around the house, granted Barbara hadn’t exactly been thrilled to walk in on strangers talking to Jim and--

Her heart stopped.

Dorrie and Lunau had a warrant, and they’d already been here when she got home, who’s to say they hadn’t already been here when Jim got home to? What if they’d gotten here way ahead of both of them and done some poking around on their own?

And there was one area of the house they hadn’t touched while Barbara was here.

Chill spreading out from her chest to the rest of her body, Barbara slowly walked over to the door that Dorrie and Lunau had ignored in her presence; desperately hoping to be mistaken. Maybe it wasn’t that noticeable. Maybe it could probably easily be mistaken for something else.

She pulled it open, blowing every last one of those possibilities out of the water.

The claw marks were still there, fresh as if they’d been made that afternoon. A neon sign would be less obvious.

Barbara shut the door, feeling disconnected from the action, like her body didn’t belong to her anymore. But she could still see the claw marks flashing in the front of her brain. They needed to get those fixed, yesterday. But wait, if they’d already been noticed wouldn’t covering them up be more--

Then she caught a glimpse of something worse. 

The exercise band, hanging just inches away; deliberately hung and placed in such a way that it could only have one clear purpose.

How many times had she pulled it shut over the basement doorknob? How many times had she listened to her child screaming from behind that same door?

Just because she couldn’t trust anyone else to take care of Jim didn’t mean she deserved him.

A child wouldn’t get taken away for a slightly smelly room or messy bed, but this….

This would do it.

Suddenly keeping herself under control was the furthest thing from her mind.

Barbara ripped the band off its hook.

Get rid of it get rid of it now.

Couldn’t throw it away, someone might see it in the trash, she needed to destroy it, she needed to--

Barbara ran over to the junk drawer, yanking it open and tearing through its contents, grabbing the first thing that could do the job. A box cutter. 

Whipping the blade out, she slashed and hacked at the rubber cords without hesitation.

Strangers in their house.

Tiny chunks of yellow rubber flew to the floor.

Jim being taken away from her.

She didn’t slow down her frenzied assault on the band. Not even when the blade missed her fingers by millimeters. If anything she sped up, all the emotion from the past hour she’d tried to suppress boiling up to the surface.

Her baby, far away and surrounded by other people.

She couldn’t cut fast enough, tearing and cutting and shredding with everything she had.

Someone else seeing his other face.

Her hands were shaking as she kept slashing at the blade, unable to pull in enough breath as the world collapsed around her.

Strangers, hurting, or even killing Jim because of it.

All of a sudden she had nothing left to cut at. Panting with exhaustion as the band lay in pieces on the floor all around her, just the empty handle in one hand and the box cutter in the other.

It was only now that she registered the feeling of tears running down her face.

“Mom?”

Barbara jerked her head in the direction of the sound. Jim, he had already changed for the night and come downstairs without her noticing, she’d forgotten how stealthy his blue form could be despite his size.

Walking in on his mother tearing apart an exercise band like a madwoman.

Her eyes stung. How could she? How could she let herself break down like this? No matter how stressed she was about the CPS visit, her child must be even more--

Jim hurried over to her and got down on his knees; starting to pick the bits of yellow rubber up off the floor “What’s going on mom? Why were you--”

Acting completely on impulse she hugged him, kneeling down just far enough so that the top of Jim’s head went up to her chin.

“It’s going to be ok sweetie,” she squeezed his shoulders “No--”

No one’s going to take you away.

“N-- nuh-- nothing’s going to happen from just one visit,”

Don’t say those words, don’t put that idea in his head. Barbara was the parent, right now her feelings weren’t what mattered. She needed to pull herself together so she could be there for Jim.

“We-- we just need to cooperate and go along with them for now, everything’s going to be ok, I promise,”

For a moment Jim didn’t move, frozen and stiff in her embrace. Then he softened, leaning into the hug.

Barbara squeezed him tighter “We’re going to get through this together,”

Jim slowly reached up and returned the hug “Right, we take care of each other,”

In spite of everything that drew a fragile smile out of Barbara, even as fresh tears threatened to spill “Right,”

[avpdpunpun]

i disappeared for 3/4ths a year here’s an update?

its been 4 months since my queue ran out and way longer since i wrote an actual post. 8 months about? i think i last posted when i impulse quit a job that was bad for my mental health and just kept getting worse.

sometimes i wonder when ppl who blog about mental illness disappear if they’ve died. there was a big user i used to follow who did, and i still occasionally think about it sometimes, so i figure its nice to post updates sometimes. and being able to look back on posts ive written and reflect on them/what state of mind i was in can be helpful even if it can be embarrassing/dangerous because its so easy to fall back into those thinking habits 

after quitting my job i did basically nothing for 6 months haha. at some point i managed to clean out my room which i had done the bare minimum on for years because of depression, took out more built up trash than i thought was possible to fit into my small space. its disgusting but the only thing i struggle to keep up with now at least is vacuuming and putting clothes away so my space is a lot cleaner and it makes me happier. your living space can really have an effect on your mood bless you marie kondo

after my post about having an anxiety attack taking my test i got my drivers license in march. i saw the same lady again after going somewhere else and i think she just let me pass because she felt bad haha. i never finished drivers ed and i still get anxiety about driving unfamiliar routes but my skills and confidence have improved a lot. i managed to drive 2 hours to a big city to visit a friend! i literally didnt have a choice in getting my license, but its still something i can be proud of. like, when i have to explain it to people, it feels extremely shitty that i didnt get it until i was 20, and only about 5 months ago too but... for someone who struggles as much as me, i have to be proud of it my small accomplishments or i’ll have nothing.

at some point something in my brain just snapped and i literally havent been able to cry? for a long time in those 6 months i felt like i was right on the edge of breaking down mentally but never actually crossing that line and it was honestly one of the weirdest things ive experienced. i almost wanted to have a breakdown again just to get rid of the feeling and reach a catharsis like... i used to be a fucking crybaby almost but i. cant. anymore. but i think ive mostly moved away from this point... still feel kinda weird tho.

i didnt end up signing up to a local school fo gen eds. its still on my mind for the vague future because there’s topics i want to learn about (psychology, natural resources, languages...) and maybe try to pursue for a career but really i just wanted a way to get out of my toxic house, even if it meant going into debt to live in a shitty dorm. 

in the last 30 days though life has been moving extremely quickly for me. i dont think i couldve lived with myself much longer being a useless adult basically living in my basement bedroom of my parents house, especially with my younger siblings getting nearer to adult milestones, plus my savings were starting to run out.

so literally next weekend, i’m moving out! and i make enough money right now that with the rough budget i have established, if its accurate, i’ll have a decent amount of wiggle room and hopefully wont be ruining my mental health just trying to make ends meet.

it took a long time of searching but i managed to find a job that hasnt made me suicidal and has slightly more than the MIT living wage for my area lol. im a janitor now! we’ll see how long it lasts but a lot of the factors from my last two jobs that contributed to my failing mental health are gone. i rarely have to interact with other people, and if i do its my coworkers, of who i tend to only see for minutes per day, or the other people working in the building i clean who at most i have to say hi and have a nice night to lol. i get to listen to music and podcasts for 8 hours and its very routine heavy. i have to clock out after the 8 hours is up so i literally cant be forced into overtime. a lot of people dont respect cleaning jobs like this but honestly who gives a fuck, its something i can handle mentally and support myself with. its still hard adjusting to 40 hours. i know its the standard, but the standard is rly tough for me, but i think i can do it long term.

all of this has been achieved through sheer self hatred and impulse alone, and im very nervous about moving in with 3 other people even if 1 of them ive known for 8 years, and i dont think its even properly hit me yet. literally cant register that i have to fend 100% for myself but also ill be away from my toxic family! i can bring my cat with me, who before this i got to see at MOST once a week!

a dude ive known online for two or more years is moving to my area too for college and he’s so sweet and kind, i feel better talking to him than i have 99% of people in my life and im so lucky to know him. ive been forced to talk about personal things i was kind of dreading (not his fault, just a result of our relationship going to go from online -> irl and things id have to address beforehand) and honestly i didnt even mind it that much when i just got it over with and talked about it to him! vulnerability is literally the thing i struggle with the most in interpersonal relationships and is a huge block for me in every way and in even the most mundane life situations but like... he’s honestly the best and im getting emotional writing this and its weird af because i straight up dont GET emotional about other people. ive absolutely developed a stupid fucking crush on him recently and i THINK hes been receptive to flirting and i cant tell if he flirts back because we already say i love you and are wholesome af but honestly no clue if he’s into (trans) dudes but honestly? even if it doesnt work out im so happy to be friends with him and im so excited to finally meet him!! i really think knowing him has helped me improve myself 

i’ve always thought that if i could literally just achieve the bare minimum in life that things would naturally get better. like i’m still mentally ill and get paranoid about peoples intentions and i think if my boss yelled at me id have an anxiety attack on the spot. im still depressed and hate that i have low energy and that it’s still rly hard doing basic chores. 

but like a huge part of my problem was that i felt like i literally couldn’t TRY to connect with people if i couldn’t face having to tell them bare info about myself, like “oh i cant drive” or “i dont have a job” or that i was living with my parents but not even making PROGRESS on getting out. like how could i make friends or go on dates if i literally couldnt contribute shit or admit these things i was so ashamed of? a lot of my self image was shaped by this because my entire life i havent been mentally well enough to do as well as i should have.

but like. i feel like im finally doing these basic things!! i dont have to hate myself so much anymore! i dont look badly on other mentally ill ppl who are less lucky than i/havent been able to do those things yet/might not ever and are still in the same situation i was 2 months ago but the self hatred is strong pls understand.

i dont know yet if i could afford twice yearly drs visits for meds or anything and probably not therapy. i dont even know what my insurance is yet haha. but i’ll see

i need to figure out at what point in my life im going to be able to never contact a single person in my family ever again, considering i’ll be a 20 min drive away and they will know the precise location of where i live, and if i’ll ever feel safe enough in society to start hrt but :^) you know :^) i can at least present more masculinely in the meantime!

i dont rly know how to conclude this... i’m not trying to brag either im just very nervous and excited about where my life might be going for the first time ever? maybe? in my entire life? i have no clue what to pursue after moving out, but i can figure it out. and just... that there’s hope even if youre as fucked up and mentally ill as i am lmao!

[hailcyeon]

hiraeth | 04

Pairing: Jaehwan x Reader Genre: Sci-Fi, Royal AU Word count: 4.9k Warnings: Mild cursing

There is no flash of realization or prophetic moment once you’ve made your triumphant return to your homeland. 

The train is still and the compartment is dark.

Satisfied that you're awake, Jaehwan straightens and begins to gather your bags. Alarmed, you bolt upright.

“What's going on?” You immediately begin to shove your feet back into your boots, confused by his haste.

“There are Swords on the train, we're getting off here.” Jaehwan kneels again to help you with your packing, as your hands have suddenly gotten very shaky.

There are Swords on the train. Swords, capital S. Royal guards sworn in service of the king, likely out for your blood.

“How do you know? How are they here?” The panic crawls up your throat, choking your breath.

Jaehwan takes your hand and pulls you to your feet. “All very good questions for later.” He slings his shoulder bag across his back and takes your suitcase in hand. Signaling you to wait a moment, he peeks out the door to the hallway.

Motioning for you to come along, he swiftly opens the door and strides down the hall to the nearest exit. Bags in tow, the two of you step out into cool night air. The platform is largely quiet, manned by a skeleton crew of overnight attendants guiding the few passengers off to their destinations.

Jaehwan wastes no time looking around and immediately heads for the exit, making you scramble to keep up. The platform is raised high above the city, and the two of you take a long staircase down to street level. Jaehwan easily takes the steps two at a time in his hurry, but your descent is not quite as graceful as you run after him.

Once on the street, he quickly scans the signs, apparently looking for a particular direction. The streets are similarly still. When in Armistice you’d occasionally see tourists and party-goers wandering around until the early hours of the morning, here the only glimpses of life are a couple of passed out panhandlers and the fluorescent glow from a 24-hour diner. Hands on hips, you bend over slightly to catch your breath. Your patience is admittedly running rather thin, and you have to try not to yell.

“Where exactly are we?”

“The Tuvan Republic. This city’s called Douvarak,” Jaehwan mutters in response. “There's a car rental around here somewhere.”

You tense a bit, realizing you’re many, many kilometers away from Asadal, with the king’s lapdogs after you. You’re not quite sure how long it is to the border or how to get there, and you feel a sense of dread settle over your skin at the thought of relying on a man you’ve really only just met.

Jaehwan apparently decides on a direction and starts walking again, grabbing your hand to make sure you're following. You slip your hand out from his grasp, but keep pace with his, walking quickly to match his long strides.

“And where exactly are we going?”

“I told you, car rental,” he responds smoothly.

You roll your eyes in annoyance at his non-answer. “Where are we going? I thought the train was the plan. Can you even drive?”

Jaehwan seems amused at your rapid-fire speech. “What, you don't trust me?” he asks, grinning.

“I barely know you,” you respond, adjusting your backpack, calves burning from the walk. “I trust Hakyeon. For the most part.”

“Well, call this one of Hakyeon's contingencies.”

You're skeptical, but follow along quietly, casting a wary eye to the few other passersby. A couple more streets later you arrive at a large car park. The lights are off in the attendant’s booth, but thankfully there seems to be an automated kiosk.

Jaehwan inserts the so-called royal card and swipes through the options. You stand idly by, tapping your foot impatiently.

“How do you know the Swords were on the train?” You're still confused and more than a little irritated at how in the dark you are.

“Saw them,” Jaehwan says, not looking up from the screen. “They must have boarded sometime before this stop. You fell asleep, so I was checking the halls.”

The kiosk makes a series of beeping noises and spits out a small key fob with several buttons on it. Grabbing it, Jaehwan starts walking to the long rows of parked cars.

“You recognized them?” You follow along, brows furrowed.

He nods in answer, still scanning for the right car. “They definitely work for the king. They were peeking into the compartments, searching for you, I assume.” He apparently finds it, sleek and silver, and taps the driver's side door with the key fob. The lights turn on with a beep and the doors unlock.

You toss the bags into the back, still processing this information. The immediate panic has drained away, leaving you tired and with an uneasy feeling in your stomach.

The two of you slide in, and Jaehwan starts the car, the engine nearly silent. You had never actually learned to drive, relying on public transport, and you could count the number of people you know with a car on one hand. The interior is all leather and twinkling indicator lights.

You're chewing on your bottom lip, lost in thought as Jaehwan pulls out of the lot. The dashboard clock tells you that it's a little after four in the morning, almost a full day after you originally left home. A sinking thought occurs to you as you’re mulling over the predicament.

“Do you think something happened to Hakyeon?” you ask quietly. “Is that how they found out about me?”

Jaehwan’s brows are furrowed as he fiddles with the on-board navigation. He shakes his head. “I don't know. He instructed me not to contact him while getting you home, just in case it's traced.”

This does nothing to assuage your fears, and it must show, because Jaehwan offers you a smile.

“Don't worry about Hakyeon,” he says soothingly. “He's survived in court this long, he can take care of himself.”

You shake your head, staring out at the darkened road. “Nothing about this feels right. Not coming back, not Hakyeon's hare-brained ideas.”

“Then why are you here?” Jaehwan looks at you sidelong, and while his tone isn't accusatory, you still feel a little defensive.

“I don't have to justify myself to you,” you respond, trying not to sound petulant. Nothing about this is right. But Hakyeon is your cousin, and the only person you have still considered to be family.

“Understood,” Jaehwan says just as petulant, drawing out the syllables.

You try to bite it back, but his childish whine makes you smile. Jaehwan has this annoying ability to make you smile against your will, and you’re getting used to it too quickly for your liking.

It's quiet as the car turns onto the highway. The navigation built into the center console glows in muted blues and browns, illustrating your route through the unfamiliar country. Douvarak falls away to dark plains with a silver river running through, dotted in the distance with faint glows of more cities you can’t name. Geography was never your strong suit.

“How did you recognize the men on the train?” you ask, trying to fill the silence.

“They’re a couple of my old squad mates.” His tone is nonchalant, but you bristle in alarm.

“You’re one of them?” Your voice is low but you can't help the whine of panic in your mind. “You’re in the king’s special forces?”

“Was,” Jaehwan clarifies. “Past tense.”

“Why would you join the Swords?” The revelation casts a shadow on all your interactions with Jaehwan, as you're constantly reminded that you really don't know this man. You glance quickly, stupidly, to the locked door and the rushing scenery, the car feeling more and more like a trap. “How do I know you're not working for the king?”

He's unfazed by your distress, eyes trained on the road in front. “I thought you trusted Hakyeon?”

“My cousin isn't infallible.” You inspect the man in the driver's seat as best you can in the low light. Between his bleach-blond hair, messy from travel and growing out at the roots, and his casual dress of a black turtleneck and leather jacket, he doesn't strike you as one of the king's goons. You're now becoming quite used to his full lips being curled in an easy smile, eyes crinkled in laughter, but looks could be deceiving.

“You have nothing to fear from me, Princess,” he says, making an awkward salute with one hand. “I am your gallant knight in shining armor, dutifully saving you from the bad guys.” He giggles at his own impression, and you scowl in response.

“I asked you not to call me ‘Princess’,” you mutter, turning away to stare out your window. The title makes your skin crawl with anxiety.

Jaehwan sighs. “You're insistent you're not a princess, but I don't know what else to call a young lady of the royal family.” His playful tone strikes a nerve.

“I lost my crown years ago.” You don't mean to adopt as harsh a voice as you do, but you're talking partially to yourself now, gripping the leather of your seat with a tense hand. “I lost my family, I lost the throne, I lost everything.” They washed away in the waters of the river and you came out a different person.

Jaehwan has nothing to say in response, and you allow the silence and memories to lull you into a fitful sleep.

Dawn breaks a rainy gray as you pass through the border into official Asadali territory. There is no flash of realization or prophetic moment once you’ve made your triumphant return to your homeland. In fact, were it not for the copious signage welcoming you to the Kingdom of Asadal and the immigration control booths in the distance, this could be any stretch of dirt in the world.

While the Tuvan Republic rolls into Gwasong Province in cracked earth and distant mountains, your heart thuds faster and faster at the encroaching guard houses. The king has clearly been looking for you, and you’re terrified to find out what’s waiting for you. To your surprise and mild bafflement, nothing really happens, the two of you passing through with little more than a flash of Jaehwan's ID to a bored guard. At the very least the usual border security should have checked the car. Most nations had adopted open border policies nowadays, but you'd expected even a modicum of inspection. You idly mention as such to Jaehwan, who doesn't respond immediately, but just keeps driving with a faraway look in his eyes.

Jaehwan has veered off the official highway onto a lesser traveled back road some ten minutes later before he answers. “The border guards have been recalled by the king. The auxiliary guards are under the magistrate’s control, and right now they’re tied up protecting his properties and business.”

You furrow your brows, confused and disturbed by your uncle’s actions and the irresponsibility of the magistrate. “I don’t understand. Since when is Magistrate Maeda a businessman and since when does he use state resources for his own things?”

“Magistrate Maeda no longer governs Gwasong. Magistrate Shin took over nearly seven years ago. He owns and operates a spring water bottling company.”

Even more confusing. “Okay . . . what happened to Magistrate Maeda?”

“Dead.” Jaehwan doesn’t elaborate but your nightmares fill in the blanks for you.

“So there hasn’t been proper government presence in these areas?” You didn't know what you'd find back in your homeland, but anarchy certainly isn't it.

Jaehwan scoffs in a darkened impression of the laughter you're getting used to. “Oh, the king makes his presence very clear. When there are taxes to collect or a protest to shut down. But he doesn't really care who comes in through here or what the magistrate does.” What little humor there is leaves his face as he continues. “The Capital is a different story.”

“Will we have trouble getting in?” you ask, alarmed further.

He shakes his head. “Hakyeon made arrangements. We're supposed to go around to the mountains instead of using the river,” he explains, but you hear the uncertainty in his voice.

You decide you need to have a serious talk with your cousin about his masterminding your life. Everything about his plans feels like a gamble to you. You don't remember him being this much of a risk-taker, which leads you think he must truly be desperate.

The traffic very slowly increases as you travel through Gwasong. Jaehwan sticks to the local roads, staying off the more-traveled highways and taking you through more rural towns. Royal tours in your childhood generally stuck to the major cities, so it’s with an intense curiosity that you watch the passing scenery. There’s not a lot you remember of the provinces beyond the stereotypes that any child grows up with and the cursory notes from your civics tutor. Northerners talk weird and drink their tea too sweet, in the south the people don’t get anything done before noon. You remember your mother always wanting to visit the tea gardens in Gwasong.

It gets more crowded the closer you are to the inner belt. The provinces circling the Capital are smaller, but much more densely populated, making Jaehwan’s route trickier as he tries to avoid the larger towns. He peers at the navigation, yawning and blinking rapidly to clear his eyes. You’ve been skirting around one of the larger cities in Seochon Province for the past hour, blending into the local traffic.

“What’s that?”

You cringe at your own breaking of the heavy silence that had settled between the two of you, but your curiosity outweighs the tension in this moment.

“What’s what?” Jaehwan is almost too focused on the road, in his own world.

You straighten from where you’d been slumped against the window. “The tents. Why are there so many tents?”

You’re followed along on your side of the road by an elevated train platform. Woven between base of the pillars are numerous tents, some of them haphazardly reinforced with cardboard and scraps of sheet metal. The structures remind you of the footage from various music festivals, but the people shuffling about certainly aren’t trendy teenagers. They’re a motley combination of people, from old men and women to small children running about. It’s hard to tear your eyes away from the small pop-up village as you’re stopped at a red light, watching the people take shelter from the rain under the platform and huddle around the scattered campfires.

“Refugees,” comes Jaehwan’s reply to your left.

“We have refugees?” You narrow your eyes as the light turns green and the scene fades away. Did you miss a war while in exile? “When did we take in refugees?”

“We didn’t. They’re from Minami Province probably. Maybe Namsu.”

These are citizens? Your eyes narrow further. “Why are they here? And not in shelters or something?”

Jaehwan exhales a long breath and glances at you. “Your uncle's made life difficult for a lot of people. Unfortunately everyone can’t have a prince cousin to help them out.”

You grit your teeth, his words hitting you like an accusation. “I didn’t ask for—” You stop yourself abruptly, feeling like you've taken some sort of bait. “Regardless. They should be in proper housing.”

“That they should.” Jaehwan has the smallest of smiles on his face which splits into a mighty yawn. He rubs at his eyes briefly and sniffs, readjusting his grip on the wheel. “It isn't up to us, unfortunately. The northern provinces have little interest in caring for a bunch of strays, as it is.”

Staring out at the wet road ahead and contemplating what you’ve just seen, your anxiety climbs a notch. You’re no stranger to seeing people in poverty, spending so many years in the world’s largest city, but seeing it at home is a rough shock, especially in comparison to your gilded childhood. Each question Jaehwan answers produces a dozen more as you’re realizing there’s so much going on in the kingdom you’ve missed during your uncle’s reign. This is probably a conversation best saved for your cousin, among many others. It’s been countless hours since the comforts of your cozy little apartment and you’re both physically and mentally exhausted.

Jaehwan isn't fond of stopping on long drives, it seems. Or maybe he's anxious to get you back to Hakyeon, you think. Whichever it is, he hasn't stopped driving since the Tuvan Republic, and somewhere around his fourth yawn in under half an hour you feel something resembling guilt. It has absolutely nothing to do with the general hostility you've been displaying toward him thus far, you reason, and everything to do with your overbearing cousin and his tendency to order people about. Whatever the source of your sudden concern, a pause would do you both some good.

“Maybe we could stop for a little bit, grab some coffee.”

Jaehwan shakes his head at your suggestion. “This isn't the kind of place to be stopping.”

“Not safe enough for my big, bad bodyguard?” you say, glancing at him sidelong. You're not exactly itching to get captured by royal guards or whatever the danger may be, but being cooped up like this is rough on your patience.

He lets out a mirthless chuckle for your benefit. “Something like that.”

You frown. Nothing about the locale seems outwardly dangerous to you, the charms of dirty city streets aside. Perhaps a change in strategy is required. “I could super use a walk to stretch my legs and a bathroom break. Do I need to pull the ‘Princess’ card?”

“Hey!” whines Jaehwan, an affronted pout on his lips. “You can't tell me not to call you that and then pull rank, that's unfair.”

“Or I could just tell Hakyeon you were mean to me.” You feel silly, with your arms crossed and tongue sticking out at Jaehwan, threatening him with the wrath of your cousin. But it's kind of nice to feel silly.

If nothing else, it gets Jaehwan to laugh properly for the first time in a little while, which oddly makes you feel better. You're expecting a clever retort, but he rewards your endeavors a few minutes later by pulling into a charging station. Sandwiched between a fenced-in empty lot and a rusty warehouse, it isn’t the nicest of service areas you’ve been in.

There are no attendants, so Jaehwan gets out and sets about plugging the stall’s charging cable to the car himself. You hobble out of the car awkwardly, trying to massage some feeling back into your legs and taking a few experimental steps forward. The streets are busy in the middle of the day, even here in the outskirts of the city. There’s a guy idling against his own car, an older model and rather beat-up looking, a few stalls over, while a steady stream of pedestrians file in and out of the attached convenience store. You stalk around to Jaehwan’s side, watching as he fastens the cable lock and slides in the credit card.

“Does the recharge take long?” you ask with genuine curiosity. You really don’t have a lot of experience with cars, much less the upkeep of one.

Jaehwan smiles and shakes his head. “Nah, these modern superchargers are pretty good at cutting down recharge time. We also haven’t used too much of the battery so far. We’ve got, maybe, ten minutes?”

You shrug. “Sure. We’ll be in and out.” You wrinkle your nose at your surroundings and frown. “The way you went on about it, I thought there’d be guards all over the place.”

“There’s more than just the king to be afraid of.”

With another shrug, you start heading toward the store, figuring you can at least kill some time finding lunch. The rain has let up since you entered Asadal, but you’re still thankful for the canopy overhead protecting you from the drizzle. Arms wrapped around yourself for warmth, you’re lost in thought when you feel a tap on your shoulder. Immediately, Jaehwan is there, with a hand on your back putting himself between you and a bedraggled stranger. You’re startled by the sudden appearance of a man to your left who has his hand awkwardly in the air. By the look of his worn jacket and unshaven face, you can tell he’s probably been on the streets for a while now.

“Ah, I’m sorry,” the man trails off, wide eyes taking in Jaehwan’s imposing presence. “I was hoping you kids might have some spare change?”

You open your mouth to answer, but before you can gently turn him down, Jaehwan has pushed you through the automatic doors to the store. You whirl around angrily, watching the man walk away to a corner of the lot.

“What was that about? He just wanted some change.”

“Best not to talk to strangers, you know?” Jaehwan says with a quirk of his mouth.

The frown is heavy on your lips as you stare him down. “I don’t appreciate being pushed around.”  

Jaehwan holds your gaze, looking down at you with an even smile. “I’m only here on orders from your very pushy cousin to keep you safe and deliver you home.”

And with those words as reminder, the fight leaves you in one fell swoop. For all his friendliness and jokes, Jaehwan is just here on behalf of Hakyeon. You sniff and turn on your heel, finding yourself unable to come up with an appropriate response. Bathroom break it is, then.

To your dismay, you're once again being followed to the bathrooms toward the very back of the store, and before you can utter your complaints, Jaehwan fixes you with a stern look.

“We're in Asadal now, I can't let you out of my sight.” When you raise an eyebrow and point to the sign that says Women, he grimaces and corrects himself. “So to speak.”

Rolling your eyes, you leave him awkwardly standing next to the bathroom. Questionably cleaned stalls aside, you’re grateful to not be stuck in the car, even if it’s for a little bit. When you return, Jaehwan is leaning up against one of the beverage coolers, head tilted back and eyes closed. With his hair falling ever so daintily over his eyes, you'd almost find him attractive if you weren't so annoyed at him.

With a huff, you rush past to the little sandwich counter. You order two coffees and some sandwiches from the bored looking teenager manning the register, paying for them yourself before Jaehwan has the chance to pull out the royal credit card.

You push a coffee and a sandwich into Jaehwan's hands, noting that he's been watching you with a look of amusement.

“Can't get me to my pushy cousin if you die of starvation,” you grumble, leaving for the car. You hear him laugh as he follows you, and without meaning to it makes you feel a little better in a way. You're halfway to the charging stalls when you realize the man from before is still in his corner, sitting on a milk crate by himself. Without really thinking about it, you start walking toward him.

“Princess.” Jaehwan has a hand wrapped around your wrist and a warning in his eyes.

You meet his gaze, unflinching. “Jaehwan. Please.” It kills you to ask for any sort of permission, but you won't be able to sleep again for a while if you do nothing.

He releases you, expressionless and waiting. You turn back and approach the stranger who doesn't notice you with his lapels turned up against the breeze.

“Excuse me?” The man doesn’t immediately look up, so you clear your throat and try again. “Um, sir?”

His head snaps up as he meets your eyes with his own bloodshot ones. He cracks open a smile to reveal yellowed teeth, one of the upper canines missing. “The girl from before! What can I help you with?”

You hold out your coffee and sandwich, which he immediately takes from you. “It’s not money,” you start hesitantly, watching as he quickly unwraps the sandwich. “But I figured you could use a meal.”

He nods, gulping down two bites of the sandwich faster than you can believe. “Thank you, miss,” he gasps between swallows.

The man doesn’t bother saying anything else, as busy as he is with his morsel. You give him an awkward nod and turn back to the car. Jaehwan is already seated, watching you with mild interest. You plop down with a sigh, caught off guard when Jaehwan hands you half his own sandwich.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

You settle into your seat as Jaehwan scarfs down the sandwich one handed, eager to get back on the road. You nibble on your half more slowly, pensive.

“No.” You shrug, not sure what to say as justification. “I just felt bad. And you didn’t have to treat him like a threat. The guy was just hungry.”

Jaehwan sighs almost patronizingly. “Desperate people can easily become threats. The migrants hang around major cities, displaced and unemployed. A lot of them turn to less savory methods to get by.”

You frown deeply as the two of you return to the road. You’re so tired, and this entire experience is so surreal. You just wanted to get by with your mediocre corporate job, doing your best to blend into the life of everyday people. And then Hakyeon came and ruined it all and saddled you with this man who unsettles you in the strangest way.

“You were a Sword,” you say, more to yourself than anything else. You wonder how your cousin came to be such good friends with one of the King’s guards that he’d entrust your safety to him.

Jaehwan is quiet for the time being, focusing on his route through the city. It's midday now in Seochon on the western edge of the inner belt, and the streets are busy with travelers. Despite blending into the stream of cars and trucks, a part of you still feels like you're being watched.

“I was, at a time,” he answers finally.

“Not an easy position to get.” The formal, stuffy title, the Crown’s Swordsmen and Guards, belies the tough nature of the royal family’s personal armed forces. You remember your father's own guard team, all made up of grizzly men of the Swords. It's hard to picture Jaehwan among them.

“No, it's not,” he says, a small smile playing on his lips. At your continued staring, Jaehwan shrugs and elaborates. “I didn't know what to do with my life. My brothers already had the family business handled, and no one really expected anything of me. So,” he continues, “I applied to military school and then joined the Swords.” He grins and adds, “My mom nearly had a heart attack.”

“But you left?”

He nods. “Military life wasn't really for me, at the end of the day. I did some private security for a while, but then Hakyeon called with a favor to ask and now I'm here.”

“Lucky me.” You're not sure if you mean this to be sarcastic or not, but Jaehwan grins and glances at you.

“Lucky you.”

You get to the guard houses surrounding the Capital by nightfall. Swinging around to the western mountains flanking the city rather than crossing the Yuseong River had added several hours to your trip, but Jaehwan assured that it was all part of the plan. You repeat this to yourself in the tunnel through the mountains in an attempt to calm your nerves, but it does little to help in the face of the encroaching city. Jaehwan exudes a stillness that seems relaxed, but you can tell his jaw is clenched, grip tight on the steering wheel as the city walls approach. The glittering lights and buildings loom above you, but you're focused mostly on how different it all seems from what you remember. You didn't spend a lot of time in the city proper, mostly having lived at Starfall Palace outside the city, but it all feels so much bigger and more expansive to you now.

Jaehwan pulls up to the gate, which opens automatically on approach. The walls are a beautiful polished stone, thick and several stories high, but you can see the various cameras and security devices embedded into them. You're idly wondering if they looked like this in your father's time when the gates shut behind you. The front is also closed off, obviously to allow for inspection of the arrivals, but it gives you the unsettling feeling of being in a cage.

A security officer steps out from the booth to side, speaking through Jaehwan's open window. “Identification, please.”

Jaehwan pulls out his ID card and hands it over, then reaches into a pocket inside his jacket to pull out some folded papers. “I also have with me a foreign national. Her paperwork has been approved by the prince.”

The guard unfolds the documents, which you realize have a copy of your Armistice ID on them. You'd be alarmed at how Hakyeon had gotten his hands on that if you were not currently so nervous. The guard returns to his booth to scan Jaehwan's ID and your papers, and you're doing your best to remember to breathe. To your immense relief, the gates open, and the guard returns to hand back the items.

“Please enjoy your stay in the Capital.”

Jaehwan thanks the guard and makes to drive off when the guard ducks down to look through the window directly at you with a beatific smile.

“And welcome back, Princess.”

[kafkasgods]

faaya

“We'll buy back our own harm with what is most dear to us.” ― Euripides, Iphigenia in Aulis

tw mentions of puke, suicide

Space. Faaya was buying herself space. That’s all it was suppose to be. Just time to sort out her feelings and reevaluate her priorities. Bentley’s confession had made her afraid. Being frozen under the drakon’s gaze had made her afraid. Dayn’s hospitalization made her afraid. Fear was power and Faaya was spiraling, powerless.

The text messages with Luke wasn’t suppose to go that route initially. She had already bought their gifts and she didn’t want the obligations of giving them to weigh on her while she figured things out. She’d give Luke his gift, let Luke give her gift for Bentley as his, and she could step away from the holidays easily. Then somewhere along the way, Faaya thought Luke was going to feel the way she pulled back eventually and she didn’t want to have another talk about it, so she’d let him down on her own terms. While he took it as well as she could expect, the guilt still lingered. Thumb on her screen, Faaya scrolled through the texts again as she sipped her hibiscus tea. Then, she swiped back to mull over Bentley’s texts.

“Faaya?” Glancing up from her phone, Adam got her attention from his seat at the bar. “Not working?”

He was Dayn’s friend, though Adam was a quiet person. She didn’t know him that well, but she had nothing against him either. “Not really. I had to come in to fix something. I’m just getting a drink since I’m here. You don’t visit these parts often.”

Adam lifted his shoulders and spoke only after a moment, changing the subject. “I heard you were with Rune. During the snow in,” he clarified. [6:01 PM] It took a moment for Faaya to remember. Right. Son of Ares. “Yeah, he saved my life and was blessed by your dad.”

“He saved you?” The slight surprise on Adam’s face didn’t really make sense for what Faaya knew of Rune, but she guessed she didn’t know him that well either. She was biased too, anyway. “What happened?”

“You can ask him if you’re so curious.”

“Probably not,” Adam answered, oddly honest. “He did okay though? He was alright?”

“As far as I can tell.” Ice clinked against her glass as she stirred it.

“Alright, thanks.”

A simple guy, Adam paid and left, leaving her with half a glass of her drink left—A light shone from the ground—And his phone, apparently. Faaya was not a nosy person, she didn’t think, but seeing Dayn’s name across the screen along with hers in the message made her curious. He was typing something, but she scrolled up to get some context. [6:03 PM] Dayn Thompson: yea faaya came by once

Dayn Thompson: she was my emergency contact

Dayn Thompson: im changing that to you btw

Adam Hudson: so my phone’s never gonna stop ringing huh

Adam Hudon: how’d that go

Dayn Thompson:

Dayn Thompson: it was weird though

Dayn Thompson: i told her about siding with athena and that was fine but then she started crying and idk it made me super uncomfortable

Dayn Thompson: like were not dating and even if we were we just never did that stuff really

Dayn Thompson: i wouldnt want to start now

Adam Hudson: you guys dated for awhile. wouldn’t that come up

Dayn Thompson: yea but she kept that shit to herself and that was better

Adam Hudson: you sound like a dick

Dayn Thompson: hey if actually loved her then maybe i might feel different but not the case man

Dayn Thompson: yea id definitely handle it better if i like really really cared about them

Dayn Thompson: and faayas just not soft like normal girls it just doesnt look good on her

Adam Hudson: if you didn’t like her why do you keep getting back together

Dayn Thompson: because she lets me ig

Dayn Thompson: its just super easy to get back with faaya if i feel like it [6:03 PM] At some point reading the messages, her heart had dropped. Every fear she’d ever had about Dayn was true and Faaya felt sick. Deep down, she’d always known she was just some play thing for him to pass the time with. There was too much going on around her now. The music, the laughing, the dancing, the lights. She had to get out, it all felt too small. After dropping Adam’s phone off in the lost and found, she drove back home, feeling a numbing in her arms and legs.

Stumbling out of her car, she wanted to hurry up to her apartment so she could  throw up the rock in her stomach . The drive had only made her feel sicker. But of course, it wasn’t over. Because there was Bentley standing by her building with his jaw locked and an unfamiliar anger set in his brow bone. It didn’t get better when he saw her approaching.

“Bentley, I told you I didn’t want to talk.” The strength in her voice wasn’t there. Maybe he’d try again later.

“You weren’t going to reply again.” It was true. “Check your phone, Faaya.”

There was no room to argue, so she did so gritting her teeth. A message from Luke with his Christmas gift to her. Why did everything have to be so hard and hurt so much? It was like there was bright and happy future that was out of reach, but beckoning her towards it. The problem was, it just wasn’t possible—Bentley was fragile. Luke was sensitive. And Faaya was afraid. Always afraid. She just didn’t realize how much until now. [6:04 PM] “What do you want me to do? Say sorry and go on the trip with you guys?” Faaya asked exasperated.

“I want to know why you thought it was a good idea to get Luke involved in this. Your problem is with me.”

“Luke’s in the middle of our problems whether we like it or not. I told you I needed space from you. I don’t know how long that is. Luke was bound to read the room eventually and I’d rather have it now than later.”

“Well that’s nice of you, Faaya. It’s super mature and thoughtful.” The sarcasm didn’t go unnoticed. “You know, you’re a real arsehole. I’ve bitten my tongue about it for years because yeah, sometimes the pros outweighed the cons and I used to think, you know what, ‘yeah Phobos made her like this.’ But we’ve reached the point where it’s all just you and it’s inexcusable.”

The onslaught from Bentley was harsh and only filled with truths. It left Faaya speechless.

He continued. “I can’t believe I told you I wanted to kill myself and instead of giving a shit about me, you’re just worried about how it makes you feel. You’re scared about living in a world without me? About caring too much? About you not being enough for me? Well it’s all true and it’s all your own fault.” Bentley was breathing hard, getting it all off his chest. A fist was clenched at his side and his scolding glower was burning holes into her. “You’re a bad friend, Faaya. You’re a worse person. I wish we’d never met. You’re not someone meant to have friends. You don’t have the heart for it.” [6:04 PM] “No, I don’t, Bentley.” Faaya’s eyes narrowed on him as she crossed her arms. As true as it was, attacks were the only thing she knew how to handle. Efficiently and devastatingly. “So don’t bother me again and I won’t bother you.”

Brushing past him, Faaya didn’t feel so sick anymore. She didn’t feel anything, and she wouldn’t. Bentley was right. Certain and solid, Faaya just wasn’t meant to care about anyone else, but herself. It was what she defaulted on anytime the choice had to be made. Siding with Ares had been for her own control. Stealing her biological mother’s abilities had been her own rage. Everything Faaya did was with herself in mind. Being vulnerable had only lead to suffering to her and those around her. There was no reason to fight it now that was clear. [6:04 PM] [ SCENE CHANGE ]

“My kid’s not that much of a bad influence.”

“Bad or not, he was still too much of an influence.” Phobos rolled his shoulder. It’d been a very productive afternoon. “Faaya doesn’t really do well being held back by shit like that.”

Deimos raised a brow. “She can’t be a ‘real natural�� if you have to get involved with her life so much.”

Phobos scoffed, shaking his head. “That’s what parents do, don’t they? Make sure their kids doing the best they can? Faaya wasn’t gonna get anywhere if I left her to her own devices. Besides, I let her have her fun. She’s gotta grow up now. Childhood friends have gotta go. Fuck sentimentality. And I’m bored of the Dayn phase. He’s with Athena now anyway. We just don’t need any of the useless shit.”

Kids always liked making their own mistakes and Phobos let Faaya make those for awhile, but she was better than that and she needed a little push. She’d already been fearing everything he’d showed her, he was just hammering the nail on the head.

“And have you considered the stars of your horror show making a real appearance and countering the events of all your hard work, Phobos?” Deimos asked feigning disinterest, but the slight curl to his lip said otherwise.

“Maybe if you spent more time with your children, you would know them better. Faaya really is a daddy’s girl.”

[werewolfdays]

Threats (part 2)

a good mood setter for me when writing this (very long) part was this song - 

A day and a half. A day and a half with no luck. It felt like my brain was imploding with the migraine I had from worrying sick about where two of the most important people in the world to me were. The weight of this failure threatened to drag me down, but I raged through it. I will find them. Even if I had to tear the entire world apart to do so. 

I had searched the entire grounds of the Lodge without so much as a proper direction to send me in and Skye’s scent in town led to a dead end, which confirmed my belief that she had been taken too. Though I did keep my phone close in case she called. The next nearest town seemed to be fruitless as well. Toby was asking around, trying to see if maybe Nadya’s captor passed through here to get some gas or something, but the locals were of no use either. 

The endless circles and dead ends made this consume my entire mind. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. All that was pushing me forward was an obsessive focus driven by a need to save the people I love. In a way, I was grateful for this terror and fury. It could very well be the thing that would save both my sister and my girlfriend. 

Toby exited the gas station, walking towards where I was leaning against the car with my arms crossed and sporting scowl that had been on my face long enough that it might become permanent if we didn’t finish this soon. 

He shook his head as he stopped in front of me, “They didn’t see him.” 

Even though I expected that, I still pushed myself away from the car and growled, “This is fucking pointless, we’re just wasting time.” 

“What else can we do?” Toby lifted his shoulders in exasperation, clearly as lost and frustrated as I was. 

“We think harder.” I began to pace, hoping that the movement would clear my head a little more, “I swear, if Miranda has anything to do with this…” just the thought made me want to head straight for the Kincade Manor and threaten to rip her throat out if she didn’t tell me where they were. 

Toby shook his head, “I honestly don’t think this is her. She wouldn’t take Skye too.” 

“I guess so,” I muttered, feeling like he was probably right. My instincts told me it wasn’t her, this felt like something else, “Then we don’t know why they were taken, but where could they have taken them? They have to be holding them somewhere right?” 

“Or they’ve been on the road this whole time.” 

I shook my head, “No, it wouldn’t be practical to move hostages for this long. Whatever they want them for has to do with us because why only take Skye and Nadya out of everyone in the Lodge? They want something, we just don’t know what. They have to be somewhat close at least.” 

He considered my ramblings, “An abandoned building then? Maybe on the outskirts of a town or a city so they don’t draw too much attention?” 

My mind came to the same conclusion, but that still gave us a lot of ground to cover. Perhaps too much, “There are countless abandoned buildings, even in this county. We have to narrow it down somehow.” 

“Let’s go back home then. We’ll search up any records in the area and go from there,” Toby gave me a concerned once-over, “Get you some rest too. Skye and Nadya will need you at your best.” 

I knew he was right about that, though I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to get even a wink of sleep. Still, I agreed and we both hopped back into the car to head home. The drive back to the Lodge will take several hours, and as time went on, the harder and harder it was to keep violent images from popping into my brain to torment me. 

One was a flash of my sister in the middle of a street with a bullet in her head, eerily similar to the image of my father when he died. My hands started to tremble again, so I balled them into fists and pressed them into my forehead while I forced my eyes shut. Unfortunately that just gave me the picture of Nadya’s blood all over my hands and body, the lingering scent of it still hasn’t left me and it stung my nostrils with every shallow breath. That one sucked all of the air out of my lungs, making me roll the window down to search for any kind of relief. 

“Just breathe, Jayde.” Toby said soothingly beside me, “We’re gonna find them.” 

All I could do was silently nod. I can’t lose them like this.

We were two hours into the drive with me feeling like I was about to snap any second, when something happened. My phone rang. I jumped and scrambled to pull it out of my pocket, when I did, I was so fucking relieved to see my little sister’s number on the caller ID. 

“Pull over.” I commanded Toby, which he did without question, and I flipped the phone open to answer it, “Skye?”

“No, sorry,” An unfamiliar male voice answered, “This is Anthony, Skye’s not available right now.” 

My bones turned to ice and the seatbelt became suddenly constricting, so I unbuckled myself and threw the car door open, stepping out of the vehicle and a few paces into the brush until the ice turned to boiling rage, “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but you are going to give them back to me right now and maybe I’ll consider letting you live.” 

The stranger hummed in mock-thought for a moment, “That doesn’t sound very promising.” 

“It’s the only offer on the table,” I said through clenched teeth, “I suggest you take it or I will rip your throat out when I find you.”

“You’re in no position to make any demands or threats, unfortunately.” Anthony replied formally, if a bit sarcastic, “I, however, am willing to make you an offer.”

“You’re a delusional dead man if you think I’d agree to anything you want.” 

“Well, I’m a delusional dead man with all of the leverage. Or did you forget I have both your sister and your mate?” He let the silence hang until he was sure I didn’t have a reply to that, “I want to have a talk with you in person, you think you can handle that without ripping my head off? Maybe we can come to an agreement and both get what we want.” 

My instincts told me that was bullshit, but I played along, “You’ll let them go if we talk?”

“If we come to terms.” 

“Then I want proof that they’re alive and well. Let me speak to them.” 

There was a sigh on the other end of the line, “Sure.” 

After some shuffling, I heard a voice that finally started giving me hope, “Jayde?” my little sister called through the phone.

“Skye,” I answered through a breath of relief, “Are you alright?”

“Nothing I can’t handle.” She promised. I didn’t catch too much concern in her voice, but I worried that she was only trying to put on a brave face, “These thugs don’t scare me, they��re a bunch of puppies.” 

“I’m coming to get you, okay?” 

“I know you are.” 

“Just hold on, I’ll be there as soon as I ca—”

“Okay,” Anthony suddenly said, “You satisfied?”  

I gritted my teeth again, trying not to agitate him in case he took his anger out on Skye, “I’ll be more satisfied when I have them back. I want to talk to Nadya now.” 

“Yeah, just a minute.” he sounded almost bored and I could tell he was walking to another room, “Gotta keep the hostages separate, I’m sure you understand.” 

I rolled my eyes, remaining silent while I waited as patiently as I could for him to confirm that Nadya was alive. My palms started to sweat and I began to pace again, recalling the state of our room and seeing the streak of her blood on my fingertips. She’s going to be okay. I thought to myself. She has to be okay. 

There were some shuffling noises, accompanied by footsteps, and a door opening and closing. Then I heard Anthony’s somewhat distant voice, “Someone wants to talk to you, little lamb. Don’t try anything, okay? I don’t think you would want her to hear you get hurt.” 

Little lamb? That and his nonchalant threat made my anger flare up even more, but then I heard her voice, “Jayde?”

A wave of relief hit me so hard that tears started to blur my vision and my tone wavered when I spoke, “Nadya, please tell me you’re okay.” 

“I’m fine, I promise,” she replied quickly, “All I have is a concussion.” 

I could tell she was trying her best to placate me. She must have known about the horrific scene I discovered when I found that she was gone. I was absolutely furious that she had been hurt at all, but I was slightly reassured that Nadya didn’t seem too concerned about her injuries. “I’m coming soon. I won’t let anything else happen to you.” 

“I know, Jay, just…” Nadya trailed off, sounding worried and even afraid, “Please be careful. I know it’s hard, but try to keep a level head. There’s more to this that you don’t know about and—” 

Anthony must have pulled the phone away from her because I heard him again, “Boy, I hate to interrupt, but it looks like your time is up.”

“You lay a hand on her again and I swear, I’ll—” 

“Let me stop you right there,” Christ, I was getting sick of this asshole interrupting, “I don’t want things to go too sour between us before you get here. Your human is fine. I’ll text you the address so you can come see for yourself.” 

“Fine.” I replied curtly.

“Great. Now, I think it goes without saying, but I wouldn’t bring a cavalry with you or anything. Preferably just yourself, and try not to take your time getting here. Who knows what I’ll do if I get bored.” 

I wouldn’t need a cavalry, “Understood.” 

“See you soon.” Anthony said coldly before he hung up. 

I looked down at my phone until a text popped up. Turns out I was right earlier, they weren’t very far away at all. Nadya’s warning echoed inside my head and my grip tightened around the burner until I started to hear the plastic crack. 

There’s more to this that you don’t know about…

“This is a trap.” Toby murmured over my shoulder. I hadn’t even sensed him get out of the car. 

I nodded and pocketed my phone, “I know.” 

——

Anthony shoved Skye’s phone into his pocket once he texted Jayde the address. He looked over at me with an unreadable expression. My arms had been tied to the chair again after I was allowed me to clean the gash on my temple and finally forced myself to eat the food I had been given. Spending hours in this position started out extremely uncomfortable, but now it was beginning to be unbearable. I squirmed in my seat under his gaze to try and ease the aches, but it didn’t do much. 

The symptoms of my concussion weren’t helping either. While the throbbing let up somewhat, the dizziness came in waves that I struggled to push through, so I spoke up about it once more, “I might need to go to the hospital. The trauma to my brain could be life threatening if it goes untreated.” 

He only smiled at me and shook his head, “I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” 

I glared at him incredulously. He looked so arrogant after his conversation with Jayde and I couldn’t understand how he really thought this would end well for anyone, “What do you think you’re really going to get out of this? What makes you think it’s going to end here, even if you win?” All I got was a humorous scoff, so I tried one more time to reason with him, “Please, just walk away. If you leave now, you could have hours to put as much distance between us and you. I can convince Jayde to let you go.”

“That’s not going to happen.” Anthony replied, “I’m going to do what I have to, and then I’ll leave this all behind.” 

I honestly couldn’t bear the mere thought of losing Jayde again. If he actually succeeded, it would destroy me, I was certain of that much. But I still held onto the hope that Jayde could handle this. We have been through worse, after all. 

“So, you kill them,” There was still a part of his plan that he hadn’t disclosed to me yet, a part that I thought I already knew at least a couple answers for, “What happens to me then? Are you going to kill me too? Why am I even still alive?”  

Anthony crossed his arms and sighed, like this was something he was still trying to figure out too, “I’d prefer not to kill you.” 

“Then what?” I asked in terrified anticipation. There was no way he was going to let me go, was he?

“I like you.” He stated in a way that made me recoil, “Plus, you’re pretty useful with all the medical stuff… I want to turn you. Make you a part of my pack.” 

I was rendered speechless for several long seconds. How he could think I would ever just let that happen baffled me, and the likely possibility that I wouldn’t have a choice in the matter shook me to the core, “Do you actually believe I would agree to that? Even if you forced me, you can’t seriously think I would just accept it.” 

“So you would prefer death?” Anthony asked challengingly. 

“You’re talking about killing the only real family I’ve ever had, murdering the love of my life, and forcefully stripping me of my humanity.” I spat bitterly, “Of course I’d rather die.” 

He raised his eyebrows, clearly not expecting me to say that, but he gave a few short nods, “I would give it some more thought if I were you, because even if this doesn’t go my way, being turned is going to happen to you sooner or later.” 

That wasn’t the first time I’ve been told that, and I doubt it would be the last if I escaped here alive and intact, but it still rattled my being and made me afraid of the future. As I sat there contemplating his words, Anthony turned on his heel and reached for the door. 

He hesitated in the doorway, then looked back at me with some measure of pity, I was shocked to find, “It isn’t such a bad thing, you know.” He said softly, then shut the door behind him. 

——

“Okay, luckily the layout isn’t too complicated,” Toby stated as we both looked at the blueprint for the abandoned office building on the laptop placed on the hood of the car. “It’s a single story, eight rooms, but lots of dense cover around the area.” 

Toby and I parked a couple miles out from where Anthony told me to meet him so we could figure out some sort of plan. It felt like we were running on a ticking clock with too many unknown variables at play, but getting to talk to Nadya and Skye helped temper my terrorizing thoughts a little bit. I was still getting plagued with horrific outcomes to this, but every time a violent image popped in my head, I heard Nadya’s voice. Try to keep a level head. 

“That’s cover for us, but cover for them too.” I considered with a deep furrow in my brow while I tried to come up with a good approach, “My guess is they have patrols around the area if they’re smart. We’ll take those out first, quietly if we can. Are there any rooms that don’t have windows?” 

“Yes, two.” He pointed at one square towards the center of the building, and another a few paces from that. 

“I’d be willing to bet that they’re keeping them in there. These are the entrances?” I pointed at the three gaps located on the outline of the building and Toby nodded, “We should head in through the north.” 

“The furthest door away from those rooms?” 

I nodded in confirmation, “They’ll have those rooms guarded with their focus on the nearest entrances, so they won’t expect us to come in through the north. Plus that exit has cover because of this room here,” My index finger followed the line of a hallway, “This can give us the opportunity to get the drop on them.” 

“That doesn’t mean that this exit won’t be guarded.” Toby pointed out, “If it is, we could get caught up in that hallway or alert all of them and ruin this whole thing.” 

I stared at him, “Then we better be quiet about it.” 

Toby stared right back at me for a couple quiet moments, “You really think we can do this on our own?” 

“I can.”

“Jayde, we’re basically going into this blind.” He said through a heavy release of breath, “Who knows if they even have Skye and Nadya there. Who knows what kind of trap they have planned. Hell, the entire place could be rigged to blow!”

“Toby, we are doing the best with what we have.” I tried not to growl at him, but the last thing we needed was him losing his confidence, “We don’t have a choice or the time to think too much about it.”

“We don’t even know how many there are.” He replied with a shake of his head.

My shoulders lifted in a shrug, “It doesn’t matter, the sun is setting and it will take hours for backup to get here. Who knows what he’ll do to them if we take too long.” 

Toby’s eyes dropped to his feet as he shuffled in place nervously, “I guess…”

“I can do this.” I reassured him, reaching out and placing a hand on his shoulder, giving him a squeeze to get him to look up at me, “We can do this.” 

He finally nodded and stood up a little straighter, “Alright.” 

Feeling like he needed it as much as I did, I pulled Toby into an embrace. His arms wrapped around me and I bunched my fists into his jacket while burying my face in his shoulder. I closed my eyes, inhaling the scents of tobacco and leather, and allowed myself a small moment of peace in this contact. Toby squeezed me tighter for a moment and I could sense how terrified he was. He didn’t want to mess this up any more than I did. We both had a lot to lose tonight. 

I pulled away, feeling better about our odds, “You ready to go get them back?”

Toby gave me a small smile and nodded, “Yeah.” 

“Good.” I walked back towards the trunk of the car, “I’m gonna shift.” I explained while I started removing my clothes, “I need you on two legs, there should be a silencer in the trunk, you can take my gun.” 

“You think shifting is the best play here?” He asked while he fished in the compartment for the silencer. 

Even if it wasn’t, I didn’t care. The wolf under my skin knew we were close and wanted blood for having our pack taken from us. I could feel it grow increasingly restless under my skin since Nadya was taken. We both wanted our fangs to tear into flesh and enact retribution on anyone that gets in our way. I wasn’t entirely sure I could hold back a shift even if I wanted to. 

“I could use as much power as I can get.” I answered while tossing my jacket and shirt into the open trunk.

“Fair enough.” 

Toby and I ended up splitting up as we approached the building. I kept my body low, sniffing for any signs of patrolling wolves while trying to make sure I stayed upwind so they wouldn’t smell me coming. The sun was fully set now and I worried that my white fur would stand out in the blackness of night, but thankfully the foliage provided enough cover if I kept being careful. With my senses increased in my wolf form, my focus became even more intense. Every step I took was a calculated one. Every muscle was tensed for when I spotted my prey. My ears were tuned into every noise in the forest. I was ready for a fight. 

I got confirmation of a suspected patrol when I caught the scent of an unknown wolf. Tracks that came from the direction of the office building led deeper into the trees in an obvious path around the area, and I followed it. Soon, my ears picked up footsteps up ahead. I went even lower to the ground to stalk forward until I finally caught sight of a dark shape in front of me. The wolf didn’t look alert, in fact they looked bored as they pawed the ground and huffed. That gave me hope that this pack wasn’t as skilled as I feared. 

I moved as close as I could without getting detected, and when I saw one of their ears flick back towards me, I pounced. The wolf yelled in surprise when I slammed into them, trying desperately to twist out from under me and put some distance between us. I wouldn’t let them. Instead, I took advantage of their fatal and momentary confusion, swiftly locking my jaws around their throat and using my full bite force to crush their windpipe. The enemy wolf could only squirm feebly, managing to get a shallow slice on my side with their back leg before a loud crunch made their body go still. 

When I tasted the metallic tang of blood on my tongue, I released the limp body and shook my ruff with a quiet growl. I craved another fight, needing to satisfy my bloodlust before the night is done. I needed every single one of them to pay. 

There weren’t any other scents on the patrol route that I caught besides this wolf. I hoped that meant that they were the only patrol. If this pack only had one wolf on patrol, then they were either stupid or they didn’t have the numbers to spare. Both outcomes pushed the tides in our favor, but that didn’t mean I could let my guard down even a little bit. All it takes is one mistake on my part for this to go south. I could allow my confidence to rise, but I couldn’t let that make me sloppy. 

Try to keep a level head. 

The building came into view, as did the north entrance. Toby was right, it hadn’t been left alone. I noted a man standing by the door with a lit cigarette dangling out of his mouth and a pistol in his hand. He looked more alert, keeping a close eye on the treeline in front of him and I was lucky to have a thick trunk to hide behind when his gaze drifted over in my direction. This would be tougher as there was a clearing between me and him that spanned about a couple dozen feet. Even if I charged in a full on sprint, he could shoot me before I got to him or alert the others inside. 

As I meticulously skirted around the edge of the treeline on his right side to get an angle on him, I noted movement to the left. It was Toby inching his way towards him in the shadows against the building. Toby still had the advantage of being around a corner, but he would only have a second to act once he got a clear shot. It would have to be a kill shot too, any noise from our target could be disastrous, so I waited in the brush in case I had to quickly step in. 

Toby spotted me in the foliage, nodded, and peeked around the corner with his silenced weapon raised. The man on guard blinked in his direction for a brief moment, not having enough time to understand that Toby was a threat before he fired. I only needed the split second it took to see that the bullet’s path was slightly off to spring forward and finish the job. The cigarette dropped out of the guard’s mouth in shock as he stumbled back, palming the fresh wound on his neck. He raised his weapon to shoot Toby and I leapt on him from behind. 

A grunting curse was all the man got out before I tore into his throat, ending him with a pathetic gurgle reaching my ears. The scent and taste of more blood, now staining my white fur, made my heart hammer with adrenaline. Two down. Hopefully not that many more to go. 

Just as I was beginning to think that this would be easy, a booming howl cut through the night air, making both my head and Toby’s snap up in search of the source. There was a new wolf that broke through the trees, throwing their muzzle up in one more howl, this one felt more like a war cry, and I charged to meet them. 

Our bodies slammed together, making the two of us a mess of snarling teeth and claws as we tore into each other. This wolf was slightly larger than me, but I didn’t let that stop my claws from ripping through the soft flesh of their belly. They let out a sharp whine, sinking their teeth into my back before throwing me away from them. I snarled through the pain, but regained my balance and tensed to lunge again, but two muffled shots sounded behind me. The enemy wolf collapsed silently and went still. 

I swiveled around to share a look with Toby, who still had his gun aimed at the body of the wolf. No doubt about it, the entire place knew we were here now. 

“Get inside.” He said tersely, and I wasted no time sprinting through the door he held open for me.

The hallway that I had hoped would give me cover instead worked against me because as soon as I rounded the corner, I was blindsided by a dark mass of an enemy. Their forceful strike sent the both of us into the far wall. My head was left swirling from the impact and they took that opportunity to strike at my throat. I rolled out of the way, kicking them right in the face. As they recoiled, I took a second to glance at Toby. He had his gun trained on my assailant, but I saw someone exit one of the rooms behind him, so I let out a bark as a warning. Toby turned just as the wolf I was facing shook off my blow, forcing my focus back to our fight. 

I heard gunshots and growls echo through the dilapidated building. The scents of blood and gunpowder filled the air, overpowering the scent of mildew. This wolf was quick, dodging and shaking off my attacks easier than I’d like, making me more and more frustrated. At least they became more preoccupied with defense now that they didn’t have the element of surprise. I knew I just had to wait for an opening. 

That opening came after they got impatient with dodging and attempted a strike towards my flank. I quickly twisted myself and lunged at them before they could land the hit. My jaws caught their muzzle in the blink of an eye, crushing the bones in their snout when I bit down. The wolf whimpered in pain while trying to shake me off, but I held tighter, looking over at where Toby finished his gunfight so I could line up this bastard for him. Luckily, all Toby needed was to see the positions we were in to finish my opponent off with a couple shots yet again.  

With the area clear, at least temporarily, Toby reloaded and nodded towards the direction of the rooms we marked, “This way, come on.” 

I took a step forward, when I heard a car pull up outside. Two sets of footsteps were heading towards the building. I didn’t want to keep fighting right now, not when I was unsure of Skye and Nadya’s fate, so Toby and I rushed for one of the rooms, hopefully to find them and prepare ourselves to fight our way out of here. 

“Took you guys long enough.” A slightly battered looking Skye said from the chair she was tied to with a massive grin on her face. 

The profound relief I felt at the sight of her filled me with the strength I needed to get us through this. We still had to get to Nadya, but we were so close now. 

I wanted to go and inspect my sister, but Toby said, “Watch the door while I untie her.” So I stood like a sentinel, waiting and listening for any enemies we have yet to face. I heard the two sets of footsteps slowly circle around the building, trying to get a tactical advantage. They weren’t a threat quite yet. And then there was the blatant no show. Where is Anthony?

As if reading my mind, Skye said, “Jayde, I think that wackjob is with Nadya, you gotta go find her. He was giving me some serious creepy vibes, I don’t know what he’ll do to her.” 

All sorts of possibilities made my stomach drop, but I still gave the two of them conflicted glances over my shoulder while Skye was being freed.

Toby nodded in reassurance, “We got this, go.” 

After another second of hesitation, I bolted out of the door. 

——

I was yanking helplessly on my restraints once again when I heard a distant howl. Likely from outside of whatever building they had us in. That long howl was followed by another one and it was too hard to tell if I recognized the voice. I was pretty certain it wasn’t Jayde. Then I heard footsteps running about on the other side of the closed door I was facing. Rushing and panicked footsteps. Confused calls to one another. 

She’s here. 

At the promise of escape, I tried even harder to break free of my bonds. It felt like my wrists were going to snap, but I finally saw the edges of the duct tape start to rip, so I bent my head down to try and help the process along with my teeth. That’s when I heard, as well as felt, a strong impact, like something had been slammed into a wall. A few seconds later and the sound of gunshots made me startle. Those shots were soon followed by more, accompanied by shouting and snarls. 

Please be okay. I thought in a silent prayer, eternally frustrated with how useless I was right now. 

Then the door opened, but instead of the one person I was hoping to see, I saw Anthony scramble in while looking panicked. He shut and locked the door behind him, quickly moving to the other door in the conference room to do the same. 

“What’s going on?” I asked.

He didn’t answer me, or even acknowledge my presence, he just removed his jacket and walked behind me. 

“This isn’t going the way you planned is it?” I looked over my shoulder at him to see he was discarding his shirt too, “If you make a run for it now, forget about all of this, and everyone wins.” 

“If I have to run, I’m not forgetting this.” He replied through clenched teeth.

That felt like a deeper threat than it sounded and my eyes grew wide with horror when I thought I might have understood it. Before I could open my mouth to try and talk him down again, his eyes flashed to a gold that was somewhat similar to Jayde’s and I heard his bones begin to pop out of place. Anthony was shifting into a wolf with me in the room. My heartrate started to really pick up now, pounding hard enough to numb most of my body and make my head throb. 

A couple minutes passed before I felt the presence of a very large beast behind me, growling and pacing, waiting for whoever will come through the doors. Anthony game close enough to me that I felt hot breath against my back as he growled and huffed in frustration, making the hair at the back of my neck stand on end. My entire body was frozen, terrified that I would set off the massive wolf with any amount of movement. If I did that, I feared what would happen to me. Would he only bite me? Or rip me to shreds? Would Jayde have to watch me bleed out?

In one heart stopping moment, I thought that exactly that was about to happen, because Anthony suddenly snarled loud enough to be a roar and he slammed his body into the side of mine. My chair tipped right over, slamming me into the ground, but luckily my shoulder took the brunt of the impact and not my concussed head, though that did become rattled. The door in front of us suddenly burst open while I still struggled to figure out what happened. I was awashed with relief at the blurry sight of Jayde in her wolf form.

As she started to slowly stalk into the room, looking as menacing as ever, covered in blood and growling, Anthony’s proximity to me made her falter. He came closer behind me, lowering his head with his teeth bared until they hovered directly over my throat. His threat was clear. Not a step closer or his fangs go into my jugular.

The two werewolves were locked in a stalemate, neither knowing how to proceed from this. I wasn’t sure what to do either, apart from staying as still as I possibly could, even holding my breath. I felt Anthony’s spittle drip onto my neck as he continued a steady growl that vibrated through my form and into the floor. I stared desperately at Jayde, but her furious eyes were glued to Anthony, her own threatening growl echoing through the entire conference room like a cacophonous thunder, even drowning out the rival wolf’s rumbling.  

All three of us waited in a tense anticipation that made every hard beat of my heart feel like it lasted hours. I didn’t want this to be it for me. I didn’t want one wrong move to result in a bite. But I also didn’t know how I would get out of this without either of those possibilities happening. The way Jayde stood as still as I did, hackles raised and still snarling like a hellhound, made me think that she didn’t know any more than I did. 

Of course, I couldn’t imagine that Anthony was thinking this would end well. If he bit me or killed me, he had to know his death was certain. He was probably weighing his options in a fight, but Jayde’s furious visage had to be giving him pause. Whatever it was that he was mulling over, he had to decide soon, I was getting worried that someone would lose patience. 

It felt like ages, but suddenly the werewolf who had me under threat darted away from me with all of the speed he could muster, breaking through the only other door to this room in a shower of splinters. Anthony must have thought his best bet was to abandon it all and bolt. It seemed to go in his favor because Jayde hesitated to give chase, deciding after a conflicted shuffle to head straight for me.

The familiar white wolf sniffed my form in a close inspection, letting out a low whine in concern over my condition. 

“I’m fine, Jay, I’m alright.” I assured her quickly. She started to chew at the tape holding me to the chair, but I knew I had to tell her to leave, “Jayde, listen to me, you can’t let him get away.” My right hand became free, and she ignored me to work on my left, but I pushed her back, “Stop, you have to listen!” Once her impatient golden eyes landed on me, I continued to explain as fast as I could, “Anthony was kicked out of the Thatcher pack. He sent hunters after them for it, it’s the reason why your dad’s pack was destroyed. It’s how they found your family. If he gets away, he’ll do the same with the Lodge, you have to stop him.” 

Jayde became rigid and it was hard to gauge an expression in her wolfish features, but I could tell that she was having a difficult time processing all of that. She looked at where Anthony disappeared, then back at me, reluctant to leave my side. 

“Go,” I commanded with a nod, “I’ll be okay.”

She let out another regretful whine, then bent down to press her forehead to mine. I reached up, brushing my hand through her fur to hold her to me briefly, allowing myself a moment of comfort and safety. Jayde nuzzled into me more in a silent promise to come back. 

“I love you.” I told her as she backed away. 

Jayde stared at me for another beat, and even though I knew she couldn’t say it back, I still felt it in the gentle look in her eyes. Then she threw her head up and howled, likely for the others to come for me, and gave me one more glance before she darted out of the broken doorway to chase after Anthony.  

——

The further my legs carried me through the dark dense forest, the more I started to come to terms with Nadya’s words. I had almost forgotten about the warning she gave me over the phone earlier. There’s more to this that you don’t know about. Well, this was certainly more than I could have imagined. If she was right, then the wolf I was chasing down was the epicenter of all of my suffering. Without him, my parents could still be alive. Without him, my family wouldn’t have been torn apart. Without him, I wouldn’t have had to go through years of torture. 

Rage drove me forward faster and harder than I’ve ever ran. This was no longer just about getting Skye and Nadya back and making him pay for it, this was about enacting the vengeance I’ve been taking out on hunters and soldiers for years. Only now it was a sole being that would be on the receiving end of my wrath. 

Anthony was a fast runner, but not fast enough. I followed his scent for about half a mile before I finally caught sight of his light gray fur darting through the trees. He knew I was coming for him and he thought his best bet was to flee and not look back. That would be his last mistake. 

I caught up to him in another burst of speed fueled by rage. Once he realized I was nearly on him, Anthony suddenly skidded to a stop and swiveled to meet me with an indignant snarl. Our two bodies rammed into each other midair with so much force that I was momentarily worried I had broken some bones. Even if I had, I didn’t feel it. Any pain was completely glossed over with my desire to tear my enemy limb from limb. 

I sent my gnashing teeth towards his throat, but Anthony had already clamped his down on my shoulder, ripping through my flesh. Luckily my fur was thick enough to prevent any serious damage, so I bit down on his front leg instead. My teeth ripped apart tendons, causing Anthony to yelp in pain and release my shoulder to shake me off. I took the opportunity that gave me to strike at his head. My jaws slammed against his skull hard enough to make him stumble off his feet and whimper, but just as I was getting a good grip to crush him, he twisted underneath me and kicked me off with his back legs.  

With the moment of separation, he regained his footing and we started to circle each other. My attacks have already left him weakened. Anthony tried to hide his limp, but his front left leg was too damaged to shake off and the punctures I left in his head started to ooze blood down the back of his neck. Still, he bared his fangs defiantly, like he thought he could still win this fight. 

I stared him down with all of the hate I’ve ever felt in my body. My own low rumbling growl shook my being and radiated out of me, filling the night air with the sounds of my fury. A part of me wished that I could curse him out, scream at him for all that he did, make him understand just how much he took from me. But another part of me knew he didn’t deserve to know anything, only to be punished. I had no issue being the one to wipe him off this earth to get some measure of justice for my bloodline. 

We both simultaneously lunged at each once again. I attacked more ferociously, tearing into any part of him that I could sink my teeth into while also clawing at what my jaws couldn’t reach. While Anthony was hurt, he still delivered blows that I’m sure I will be feeling later, but I pushed all that aside. I couldn’t think about anything else. I only had one goal here. 

Growls and yelps and snarls drowned out the surrounding forest as we continued to fight viciously and brutally. Then something strange happened. A rare feeling that I think I have only felt a few times in my life, but one that I knew frightened me. And it was more consuming than it’s ever been. The pure and utter rage I felt blinded me until everything was blurred and muffled. The only sensation I could distinguish was a buzzing frequency like I had been shoved underwater. Only the water was a crimson film, both boiling hot and cold as ice at the same time. There wasn’t anything about me that was under control.

Suddenly through the blinding film, I tasted and smelled nothing but blood. It took me over and brought back everything. The red streak of Nadya’s blood smeared on my fingertips. The flash of a gun going off followed by the scent of my father’s blood as it pooled in the street. The scent of my own blood every time I was beaten or shot or stabbed. Then it was nothing but Anthony’s blood. All over me. In my mouth, matting my fur, seeping into the soil.

“Jayde!” Her voice called out in the far distance. 

Hearing that made reality suddenly snap back into focus. That’s when I saw it. The remnants of a wolf strewn about on the forest floor. I stared at it all around me in confusion while my huffs fogged out into the air. It took a good moment to realize that I really had ripped him apart. 

I thought maybe I should feel relieved that it was done, and I think I did, but that wasn’t all of it. A ringing replaced the buzzing in my head, high pitched and borderline painful. It shook me to the core and I started to back away from the carnage, but it was all over me. The deed was ingrained inside of me now as well. More frightening was the absence of regret. I knew I would have done it again if given the chance. 

I also knew that it didn’t make any of it better. The emptiness of resurfaced loss was still there. The reminder of the trauma I endured remained. The only difference was a corpse now lay before me, mangled and in pieces. I felt myself start to slip away again.

“Jayde!” She yelled again, somewhat closer, though still far away. 

Her call brought me back, tethering me to reality once more and refusing to let me go. Bones started to shift inside me as I felt my wolf begin to retreat. My human form overtook my wolf form after a swirling moment of vertigo, leaving me panting and kneeling on the forest floor. I kept my swaying form balanced with the tips of my fingers digging into the earth while I looked down at my blood-splattered skin that was steaming in the night air. Strands of my blonde hair hung over my face and were also stained with crimson, but I couldn’t bring myself to push it out of my sight.   

“Oh my god…” I heard muttered out of her lips. 

I forced my gaze up to see Nadya taking in the devastation I had caused. I became horrified with myself at the look on her face as she slowly stepped around the gore to get to me. The closer she got, the more afraid I became. Who knows what she thinks of me now? Nadya has seen me kill before, has seen me act ruthless and brutal, but never something like this. I was also afraid for her safety because I could still feel the wolf just under my skin, like a furious wild animal being forced into a cage. 

Nadya fell to her knees directly in front of me and I held my hand out to stop her from coming any closer. It didn’t matter that I was no longer blinded by my anger, I had lost too much control for me to feel comfortable with her being near me. 

“Nadya…” I whispered while shaking my head. It was too hard to look her in the eyes. 

Without saying a single word, her hand gently wrapped around my wrist, bringing the hand I held out to keep her at bay towards her until my palm rested flat against her chest. My ears had picked up the rapid pace of her heart, but actually feeling it pound hard against the palm of my hand made me feel viscerally real. Then she inched closer to me, reaching up to carefully brush my hair back and cup my face. Those stunning brown eyes of hers, full of warmth even now, gazed directly into my glowing yellow ones. 

I was shocked to find that the fear I sensed on her and saw in her eyes didn’t seem like she was afraid for herself. There was deep pain and concern written all over her face, but it was almost like it was for me and not because I must have looked like a broken and bloody monster.

Just as I was thinking about how much I hated her seeing me like this, Nadya rested her forehead against mine. I closed my eyes to let her fill my senses. The more her heartbeat began to calm, the more the restless wolf under my skin began to quiet. With every slow inhale I took to breathe in her scent, the more my breath steadied. The comforting warmth of her hands against my cheeks lowered the temperature of the shift. Nadya’s presence was soothing every part of me, down to my very soul, until I felt the last bit of anger fade away with my irises returning to their usual color. 

“We’re okay.” She told me softly. 

Those words drew me closer to her and I wrapped my arms around her to pull her into a fierce embrace. Nadya held onto me tightly, grounding me even further. Having her in my arms again after she was taken from me and after what I just did was what finally reduced me to tears. I choked on a sob, burying my face in her neck and shoulder while I failed to hold back a tidal wave of everything that’s been devastating my mind for the past two days. 

“We’re okay,” Nadya repeated, her voice trembling as much as my body was, “I’m here.” 

“I’m sorry.” I managed to mumble in between sobs.

“Shh, it’s okay.” She replied soothingly. 

A mercifully long minute passed of us just holding each other. I was so caught up in everything that I didn’t even notice that Toby and Skye were there too until Toby spoke up, making me flinch. “We shouldn’t stay here.” 

I reluctantly pulled away from Nadya and saw my sister looking at me with an expression that I couldn’t fully decipher. Skye looked confused, like she didn’t understand the scene before her and was trying to figure out whether or not she should ask about it. She didn’t know exactly what Anthony did, I was sure of that much, but there was also some underlying emotion on her face that escaped me. I wasn’t in the right space to explain any of it to her though. Toby came behind me to drape his jacket over my bare form. I accepted it with a grateful nod, wiping my face and letting them help me up. 

“Let’s go home.” Nadya said, putting an arm around me and leading me away from the scene.

——

I tried my best to explain what I understood from what Anthony told me, but I was still distracted by Jayde. She sat next to me in the back seat, and while she started to appear more like herself once we got as much blood off of her as possible, there was still something off about her. I watched her carefully, noting how she kept zoning out and subtly shaking herself back into reality. What happened obviously changed her and I couldn’t help but feel like I was responsible in some small part. 

There were also her wounds to consider. I could see blood start to seep into her clothes, but she wouldn’t let me tend to her until we got home. I thought maybe that was because she was still afraid to be near me, but ever since I brought her back to herself, she hasn’t broken contact with me for more than a few seconds at a time. Both of her hands still cradled one of mine, either fiddling with my fingers or tracing the bruises on my wrist. 

“What kind of lunatic cowardly idiot would go to hunters because of his stupid grudge with a pack?” Skye ranted in angered disbelief, “I mean, seriously? The fact that he didn’t get his pelt nailed to the wall is shocking in itself. Getting hunters to do his dirty work…” 

“He clearly wasn’t in his right mind.” Toby stated while he drove.

“Yeah, no shit. We didn’t even have anything to do with it! I had no idea he even existed! And he wanted to kill us for it?” Skye threw her hands up in exasperation. 

I saw Jayde scowl and became worried that this was pulling her back into a dark place, “Skye, can we talk about this later?” I requested gently. 

She glanced back at me, then at Jayde, and seeing her sister looking a little lost made her shoulders slump, “Yeah, sure.”

“Thank you.”

“You know, he got what was coming to him.” Skye told Jayde, who only barely met her gaze, “You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

Jayde remained silent and continued to distract herself with the contact she had with me. A few minutes passed before she finally spoke, “Nadya needs to go to the hospital.” 

“No, Jay, it’s fine.” I replied, squeezing her hand in reassurance. 

“Your head,” She reminded me. 

“I can monitor my own concussion and we can stitch up the gash at home.” 

Jayde’s concerned expression landed on me, giving me the impression that worrying about me was her current distraction, “Nadya…” 

“I’ll need a couple stitches at the most. I’ll even let you do it.” I offered. 

She released a slow breath, “Fine.” 

The rest of our journey home was mostly spent in silence apart from a few words shared here and there. Jayde’s mood seemed to have a stubborn grip on her, but I was grateful that she still remained close to me. I watched her carefully, offering whatever comfort I could, though I had started to dwell on the guilt I felt. I wish I had been able to do more. None of the fighting and defense techniques helped me during this situation. I was left being utterly useless, having to be rescued, and I couldn’t stop thinking about Anthony’s comment on my humanity. 

He was right about me being a liability. Maybe I could have made this rescue mission a bit less harrowing if I was a werewolf. Maybe I could have helped stop Anthony, made it so Jayde wouldn’t be so consumed with darkness. Hell, maybe I wouldn’t have even been captured at all. If I was stronger, I could have overpowered Anthony and avoided a lot of grief all together. 

Maybe I should have just let him turn me. 

That thought caused a shiver to run up my spine. Jayde’s head snapped toward me in concern, but I only shook my head and brushed her hand with my thumb in reassurance. 

No, it would have been terrible if he turned me. I didn’t want to be a werewolf, much less being bitten by someone like him. But what if he was right? What if it was inevitable? I studied Jayde’s face again. She gave me no indication that she was mulling over the precariousness of my humanity like I was, but I recalled moments where, looking back on it now, she might be anticipating it. 

If that was true, then I should probably come to terms with it eventually even though the entire concept terrified me. Perhaps soon. Because if it was going to happen to me sooner or later, I wanted at least some control over it. I wanted it to be given to me willingly. And from someone I love.

We got back to the Lodge early in the morning, all of us exhausted and a little battered, and I admired the way the wood wolf carvings on the walls and pillars were illuminated by the morning glow through the windows. A breath of relief escaped my lungs at finally being back home safe. 

“Let’s get to the clinic.” 

“I’m good there, doc.” Skye said, “I just need to crash, I think.” 

I glanced at where I had seen scrapes and bruises on her face to see that they had all practically disappeared apart from a couple marks. So I nodded, wishing that I had the luxury of healing like that, “Okay.” 

“I’m going to go get some rest too.” Toby chimed in, giving Jayde a concerned look, but meeting my eyes with an understanding. He knew we would take care of each other. 

“I think we all need it.” I replied, nodding him on too.

As Skye turned to leave, Jayde reached out to grab her arm. Skye’s eyebrows raised expectantly in question, but then Jayde wrapped her arms around her. The younger blonde remained tensed for half a second in confusion, but then she quickly melted into her older sister’s hug, wrapping her arms around her too. I stepped back to give them a little space.

“If anything else had happened to you…” Jayde mumbled with a shake of her head. 

“I know,” Skye said, “I’m good, Jayde.” 

“I know you are. I will be too.” 

“You better. We’ll be totally screwed if you fall off your rocker.” 

The two of them shared a few light laughs, eventually pulling back and smiling at each other. I was smiling with them, beyond grateful that we were standing here together after everything we just went through. Jayde and Skye shared one more look, and then Skye and Toby went off to their rooms while Jayde and I headed for the clinic.

Jayde insisted on treating me first, so I held my hair out of the way since the gash was mostly behind my hairline to let her clean it. The sharp sting from the antiseptic made me flinch involuntarily. I noted Jayde’s expression scrunching up in displeasure at my pain, which made me want to try and hold in my reactions. 

“Jayde, I’m—” I attempted to form a meaningful apology, but I was just too tired, “I’m so sorry.” 

Her gaze met mine in confusion, “Why?” 

I pursed my lips, “I shouldn’t have dumped all of that information on you like that. Not in that moment. I just didn’t think you would leave me otherwise.” 

She put the antiseptic down and started getting the stitches ready. I got the impression that she was using that as an excuse not to look me in the eyes when she said, “I should be the one apologizing.” 

“No,” I insisted with a shake of my head, “If I had only told you about what he was planning on doing once he got away, you wouldn’t have been…” The image of her covered in blood with that look on her face popped into my head, no doubt it will haunt me for a long time, “Put through that.” 

“Yeah, well, like Skye said,” Jayde carefully started on the first suture, “He got what was coming to him. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.” 

“What about the cost to you?” I asked while keeping as still as I could and pushing through the pain of the stitches. 

Jayde looked at me again for a few seconds before concentrating back on her task, “You aren’t afraid of me now, are you?”

I frowned, “No, of course not. I know that wasn’t you.” 

“It was, Nadya.” 

“It wasn’t.” I gently pushed her busy hands away so she would hold my gaze, “I could see it on your face. I can see it right now.”  

“But I did it.” She insisted almost irritably, “It was me. No one else ripped Anthony apart.” 

“Do you want me to be afraid of you? Is that it?” I asked while carefully searching her expression. 

Jayde forced her eyes away from mine, glancing at everything in the room besides me and grinding her teeth. It wasn’t out of anger though. I could see tears start to well in her eyes. “No.”

Then I understood. She was trying to punish herself for it. “What you did… what I saw… I don’t think anyone deserves that, and maybe things should have gone differently, but I also don’t blame you or think any less of you either. I still love you. I still feel safe with you. Nothing’s changed between us, I hope you know that.” 

Jayde used the back of her hand to swiftly brush away her stray tears and I watched as she took in a deep breath, releasing it in a shaky exhale. “God,” she said through a weak laugh, “I really have no fucking clue what I would have done if I lost you.” 

I smiled warmly and reached up to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. Then I cupped the back of her neck to pull her in for a kiss. Our lips brushed together delicately, like we were both afraid to break the other, but after a few beats we melted into a soft rhythm. Neither of us deepened it apart from holding onto each other more fiercely for a second, Jayde’s hands gripped my sides like a lifeline while I tangled my hand through her hair and squeezed her arm to make sure she wouldn’t get away from me. Kissing her again banished all of the fear and worry and pain. At least for these moments. I knew I never wanted to let her go, just like I knew she never wanted to let me go either. 

We pulled back to rest our foreheads together and regain breath, “Luckily, you won’t have to find out.” 

“Yeah,” She replied, pulling away even further so I could catch the small smile on her lips, and went back to work on my stitches. 

I was glad to finally be able to patch up Jayde’s injuries once she was done with mine. The hours that passed already gave her a good start on her healing, but there were still some wounds that needed to be stitched up. Her shoulder had taken the worst hit, what I thought was likely a wolf bite left some deep lacerations. I focused on cleaning and stitching those first. Though I hated all of the times I’ve seen her hurt, I was still somewhat grateful for the familiarity of healing her. 

A bite on her back, somewhat near the wound on her shoulder, also needed some stitches. Apart from that, there were only scattered cuts and bruises here and there that were already mostly healed or scabbed over. I marveled at her body’s ability to mend itself, and again, felt envious of it. If I were able to heal like she could, she probably wouldn’t be so bothered whenever I got hurt…

I shook myself out of the thought and focused back on Jayde. It didn’t take too long to finish dressing her wounds, and once I was done, I pressed a weary kiss to the back of her shoulder, feeling my exhaustion start to hit me full force. “You’re all done.” 

Jayde turned around, shrugging her button-up shirt back on her shoulders and looking me up and down while I yawned, “Guess we should get some sleep, huh?” 

“I wouldn’t say no to it.” I replied with a tired smile. 

“C’mon.” She mumbled once she finished buttoning her shirt. 

I noted how her shoulders also slumped more, her muscles finally giving in to desperately needed rest. I followed her back to our room, but started to feel suddenly worried about the state it was in. Our space had been trashed when I was taken. I remember flailing and fighting with all I had in the brief moments before I was knocked unconscious. Would it be easy to sleep in the aftermath of that? 

We got to our room and I was pleasantly surprised to find it had been completely repaired, “Wow,” I noted as I looked around, noting how everything was back in its place, “It’s almost like it never happened…” 

Jayde nodded, going straight for the dresser for something more comfortable than jeans to sleep in, “Yeah, I wanted it to look normal for when I got you back home. A couple people agreed to do it for me while I was gone.” 

“That was awfully nice.” I said and unceremoniously flopped down on my side of the bed, too tired to care about comfier clothes. 

“You do a lot for the people here,” Jayde stated matter-of-factly, coming over to me, “It’s only natural that they wanna help you too.” 

She unlaced my shoes and pulled them off, then started on my pants. I let her undress me. Just because I was too tired for sleepwear didn’t mean that I didn’t prefer it. I accepted the shorts she held out to me and shimmied into them while she got dressed as well. 

“I’m going to sleep for a year.” I told her once she made her way into the bed beside me.

Jayde reached out to take off my glasses, making me chuckle at myself because I hadn’t even noticed they were still on, and said, “Why don’t we start with a day first?”

I wrapped my arms around her, careful to avoid her injuries, and snuggled against her as close as I could get, “I’ll try, but no promises.” 

“I’ll take what I can get.” Jayde replied softly, “Goodnight, Nadya.” 

“It’s the morning.” I mumbled with my eyes closed. 

She let out a breath of amusement, “Go to sleep.” 

“You first.” 

“You’re not playing this game with me.” 

I couldn’t hold back a smile as I buried my face in her neck further, “I love you.”

Jayde began stroking her hand up and down my back, as if I needed anything else to lull me to sleep, “I love you too.”

[spookyreddit-blog]

The most disturbing thing that's ever happened to me was on a long drive back to college for my last semester before graduation. I am a night person and was leaving kind of late for the drive but was expecting to get in around midnight. Being that I would be living on my own after school, I was feeling a bit sentimental as it felt like I was leaving home for the last time--home was somewhere else now. So its sunset as I'm driving towards the highway and theres a beautiful low fog in the fields along the road catching the light. I decide around then that it'd be nice to try for a more scenic backroads route than the typical turnpike stuff so I decide to cut off towards west virginia. I stop at a diner, get gas then proceed towards the WV line as night falls. This is the last human contact I make for the rest of the drive.

I didnt foresee it but an immense, dense fog dropped over appalachia that night slowing my drive considerably. At some points in the mountains there was scarcely ten or fifteen feet visibility. But there are some small towns the road leads me through. Its friday night, though, and it begins to feel oddly dead in each town I pass through. Itd be 9 or 10pm and the local bars would look closed. There were no lights on in any of the houses. I felt uneasy but maybe thats just how it is there. Anyway, I'm making terribly slow progress with the fog and the backroads at night, deer sightings keeping my foot a little light when the fog wasn't too bad. But at some points id have to nose my way through foggy intersections unsure if id find the other side. It was almost impassably dense at times and the trip would take double the estimated time to arrive because of it. Im often driving around 25mph or worse, trying to be safe, and its around 1 or 2am and there is no cell phone service as I get into a large national forest.

Theres no other traffic around (there has been little all night) so I decide to pull over to pee, leaving the engine on for whatever reason. Itd be a quick stop. Im not fearless by any means but I try to not let myself get too jumpy in the woods at night. But as im coming around the car undoing my belt I hear voices maybe forty or fifty yards into the forest and then there's scrambling through the dead leaves and brush coming in my direction. Its pitch black (night, no streetlights or houses, national forest, cloudy foggy starless/moonless night) and I cant see anything off the road beyond the red glow of the tail lights. Feeling sufficiently freaked out and not willing to find out more I bolt back to the drivers side and floor it up the next hill, happy I had left the car on anyway. My heart is pounding. I never find out more about this little scare, and I'm glad for that.

A little while longer and I'm heading up some steep mountains and nearing an old fire watch tower from the WW2 days. Theres a plaque (roughly) about it being a community morale builder to have built it even if it didnt affect the war in anyway. I pulled into the overlook to actually pee because I never got the chance earlier. Now that I'm atop a sizeable mountain I suddenly get cell service and a string of concerned texts from my mom freaking out and asking if I made it okay. By this time I should have been at my house hours ago but I took a long and unfamiliar way in the dark and intense mist. Knowing that she won't go to sleep until I'm there (she's like that) I respond that im safely home hoping that will end it. She immediately calls me and asks where I am and I cant really ignore her call having just texted her. I tell her im home and she asks, "in virginia?" And I say yeah, in my college town (despite being at the top of a mountain in a national forest in west virginia). She sounds deeply unsettled and says shes been trying to call me repeatedly (while I had no service). I ask why and she says she got a really weird phone call from west virginia, "but way west of where you should have been" (which is where I actually was). She said she got this phone call and a gruff young man with a backwoods sounding voice was telling her he needed to speak to ("my name") and swearing at her and saying all these nasty things. She said she heard people in the background screaming and people laughing. She hung up and called me a few times but it went straight to voicemail. She typed the number in Google and saw it was from WV and knew I was at least passing through a small part of it and called the number back. A small child answered and swore at her then the earlier voice ripped the phone back and started saying my name again and saying that he needed to speak to me. This is especially strange because I was driving my dads car and im not registered to it so even if they somewhere saw my plates and could run them theyd get his name. I think I even paid with cash at the diner and gas station way back near the start of the drive five-plus hours earlier and in another state. I cant think of anything I could have dropped with my name on it when I had stepped out of the car briefly earlier during the recent incident. I still had all my cards and my id. It would be an incredibly strange coincidence or extremely elaborate scare prank either way. I do my best to reassure my mom I have no idea what that could be about and that it must be a weird coincidence. I tell her im at my house and im okay despite how troubling I find all this in reality. She gives me a half hearted okay and we say goodnight.

I pull out of the watchtower pull off and continue on into virginia. Never have I been so comforted by the three a.m. dregs of late night parties, students stumbling home at a nearby university town off a highway I know well from my usual route. I carry on to that highway and make it safely, and things have been completely normal since, but i have never brought it up with my mom again nor have I ever had the heart to tell her where I was driving that night, or how late, or of the voices in the woods. There's no climax and no resolution. Im trying to forget.

Source

[themusesofmars]

Fanfiction Preview - Final Fantasy XV (work in progress)

@ignoctweek Ignoct Week Day 3, Prompt B: (Situational) Reincarnation/Time Travel AU Title: “Time Warp” (tentative) Rating: General (thus far) Warnings: N/A NOTE: This is just an excerpt of what is quickly turning into a novel-length fanfic. Up to this point in the story, all you need to know is Noct has wound up on Earth. He awakes in a hospital where his doctor is none other than Ignis Scientia. But Ignis doesn’t recognize him. And he doesn’t believe there is any such place as Eos, or that Noctis is a prince, or that the two of each other have ever met. The excerpt you are about to read is in rough draft format. I’m too tired to edit it and there’s no point right now because the story is incomplete. Follow The Muses of Mars on Tumblr, Archive of Our Own, or Fanfiction.net for updates!

They drove down unfamiliar streets, past unfamiliar buildings, and suddenly it began to rain. Ignis turned on the windshield-wipers and adjusted his glasses, slowing down as the road began to glisten.

“You can pull over if you need to. I don’t mind taking the wheel,” Noctis offered. “I know you hate driving in the dark, and now it’s raining, too.”

“You know no such thing,” Ignis snapped quietly. His hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white.

Noct watched him for a moment. He could tell Ignis was tense, and wasn’t sure if the reason had more to do with the darkness or with the fact that he’d known Ignis didn’t like it.

One thing he did know what that a little conversation always seemed to help calm him down. Ignis didn’t like having the stereo on after the sun went down because he needed to focus on the road. But if he just sat there rigidly with his guard up the whole time, he’d have a killer neck ache in the morning.

“So, how far are we going?” he asked, to get the ball rolling.

“The rain might slow us down, but I live about fifteen minutes or so from the hospital,” Ignis answered, already sounding less grumpy.

Noct helped keep a watch on the road, though he had begun to doubt daemons were even roaming this world. “I really appreciate you letting me crash at your place,” he said.

“Temporarily,” Ignis reminded him. “I’ll help you get back on your feet while we search for someone who might know you, but then we’ll have to say goodbye.”

Noct’s hands balled into fists. Damn it, Ignis! he mentally cursed. You do know me, better than anyone! Why don’t you remember?

Ignis softly sighed. “Don’t be frustrated. I’m sure you have family or friends somewhere in the city. The police have your photograph, but we can do some searching online—Facebook or something—and see if there’s anyone you recognize.”

“You really still don’t believe we know each other, do you?” Noct murmured disappointedly.

“I’m still quite certain we never met before you became my patient,” Ignis said sternly, “and I will ask you just once more to please stop pretending otherwise.” He suddenly put on the turn signal and a moment later pulled into a parking lot.

“Wh-what gives?” Noct demanded, sitting up straighter. Worriedly, he asked, “You’re not kicking me out, are you?”

“Don’t be absurd.” Ignis parked the car in an empty spot and cut the engine, then pulled his keys from the ignition. “You can’t just keep wearing my things; they don’t fit you at all. Plus you’re going to need your own toothbrush, a razor… And I’ve no idea what you like to eat, so I suppose we’ll need to stock up on groceries, as well.” He unfastened his seatbelt, opened the driver’s side door, and climbed out of the car. “Well? Are you coming?”

“R-right.” Noct hurriedly scrambled out of the car and Ignis locked it from a remote on his keyring. The vehicle made a beeping sound and then Ignis walked up to the front doors of a large building whose sign read: “Walmart.”

Noct looked around in confusion as Ignis procured a large shopping cart. “What is this place?” he asked as they walked past racks of clothing, an unexpected jewelry counter, and then a pharmacy. “It’s like they’ve got everything here.”

“Essentially,” Ignis agreed. He pushed the cart down an aisle in the health and beauty department and then stopped, perusing the selection of personal care wares. “Do you have any brand preferences, or are you still playing the ‘foreign royalty’ card?” Noct looked at him blankly. “All right, then. Leave it to me.” He sounded only mildly annoyed this time. “It’s probably faster if I do this myself, anyway.”

Noctis followed the other man blindly as Ignis selected a stick of deodorant; a shaving kit with a razor, blades, and shaving cream; and a toothbrush and tube of toothpaste. He left Noct to choose his own shampoo while he did his physician’s duty and went to find the boy an age-appropriate multivitamin.

Next they returned to the clothing department. “I got this, Specs,” the prince said nonchalantly. Ignis shrugged and had a seat on a bench outside the changing booths while the boy chose a few outfits and tried them on. He seemed drawn to graphic T-shirts, and while they were blessedly inexpensive, Ignis also dragged him toward a rack of flannel shirts and sweaters for something more suitable for winter. Noct found some jeans he liked and grabbed several pairs, then they found him a comfortable pair of tennis shoes and some nicer boots. Finally came socks and underwear. “Briefs?” Ignis sounded surprised. “I’m a boxer man, myself.” At last they were finished.

“Satisfied with these?” Ignis confirmed. “Then let’s pick up some food. I don’t mind cooking, but you’ll have to tell me what you like.”

“I like your cooking,” Noct commented. When Ignis glared at him suspiciously, he corrected himself to say, “I’m really not big on veggies, so…anything else is fine.”

Ignis muttered to himself about kids today and their unhealthy diets, and though such comments had warranted an eyeroll or two in the past, right now it made Noct smile to hear the other man complain about his eating habits like the good old days.

Eventually they headed for the registers to check out with their puchases. As Ignis plucked his wallet out of an inside pocket on his coat, Noct suddenly seemed awkward.

“Um, so, Ignis…” the boy began, then he had to stop and start again. “Uh, you know I don’t have any gil, right?”

“Any…what?” Ignis was giving him that look again, like he’d said something crazy.

“Don’t tell me you guys don’t have to worry about money here!”

“Oh. We use dollars and cents in America,” Ignis said, but his tone was more sarcastic than explanatory. “And I know perfectly well you haven’t got any money—gills, or whatever you called it. That’s my entire reason for taking you in for a time. I just couldn’t very well turn you out on the streets of Manhattan, could I?”

Noct still felt guilty. “I’ll find a way to pay you back,” he promised.

“Think nothing of it,” Ignis said dismissively, opening his wallet and selecting a credit card. “In case you’ve forgotten, I’m a doctor; here, at least, physicians are rather well-paid.”

“Oh. Cool.” Noct still wasn’t sure, but after the items had been tallied up and bagged, the man didn’t even bulk at the price tag, so he must have been telling the truth.

Outside it was raining heavily. They raced to the car and Ignis unlocked the doors. They had to toss wet bags into the trunk, and then Ignis jogged back to the store with their shopping cart. When he returned, Noctis was sitting in the driver’s seat.

“We don’t have time to argue about this,” Noct said insistently. “Get in before you drown!”

With a frown, Ignis did as he was told. He finally handed Noct the keys and then strapped in. “I have a feeling I’m going to regret this,” he mumbled to himself. “I know you haven’t a license. You don’t have any ID!”

“I have a license,” Noct corrected. “It’s just…lost. With everything else.”

The prince started the car, then began backing out of the parking space. “Just try not to get pulled over,” Ignis warned. “If the police insist on arresting you, I’ll leave you in their care.”

“Don’t worry, Specs,” Noct said with a grin as he adjusted the mirrors. “You always let me drive at night.”

Ignis watched Noct as the boy expertly pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main highway again. It really did seem as though Noct knew him, somehow. But it made no sense, because things the boy knew…he’d never told anyone. He’d never thought about them, really. So how did he have such intimate knowledge?

He almost wondered if the boy knew where he lived, but he seemed so unfamiliar with even the most mundane things. And he certainly did know how to handle a vehicle during a nighttime storm. But it soon became apparently he had no idea where they were going, and Ignis had to direct him sharply before they missed his turn.

They passed by a low stone wall engraved with the name Honeysuckle Terrace and entered an affluent suburb where the houses were huge and their well-kept lawns were sprawling.

“That’s my house,” Ignis said, pointing. “Third one on the right.”

Noctis whistled. “Very nice, Iggy,” he said in awe. “You’ve done well for yourself.”

Ignis seemed a bit flustered by the compliment. “Well…it’s comfortable enough,” he said dismissively. “Just pull into the drive and I’ll open the garage.”

Noct slowed to a stop in front of the garage doors. Ignis leaned in close and reached toward the steering column. Noct gasped softly in surprise, turning to look at Ignis. The other man’s face was nearly touching his. “Pardon,” the blond muttered, fidgeting with the keys until he found the garage button on the keyring and pressed it. Noct’s eyes didn’t leave Ignis’s face until the other man had settled back in his seat and ordered him, “Eyes forward. Then pull on through—carefully.”

“…Right.” Noct did as he was told, surprised when he pulled the compact car in next to a black SUV. He shifted the gear to “park,” then cut the engine and turned off the lights. He slipped the keys out of the ignition and handed them to Ignis, their fingers touching for just an instant during the transfer. “Are you sure if it’s okay that I stay here for a while?” Noct asked, quietly folding his hands in his lap.

“Of course,” Ignis replied, taken aback. “Why ask, now that we’re here?”

Noct gave a slight nod in the direction of the other car. “Well, I didn’t think about it before, but…I’d hate to intrude on your family.”

“My what?” Now the man was genuinely startled. He turned his head to see what Noct was looking at. “Oh, you mean the other car?” He chuckled softly and unfastened his seatbelt. “They’re both mine.”

“Oh.” Noct was equally surprised, and not only a little relieved. “Oh! Well, okay, then.”

They climbed out of the car and gathered their shopping bags, then Noctis followed Ignis back out of the garage and along the sidewalk toward the front door. The walkway was lit up with garden lamps, and faux candles shone all the windows. The house was a single story but looked enormous from the outside. Noct was surprised that Ignis would live alone in such a big place, but it was a relief. He still thought this was the same Ignis he’d always known, and that something crazy had happened to them, but if he’d found a wife and children in the house…well, not only would it have been a hundred times more awkward staying here, but that would also have shattered his already thin hope that Igis would regain his memories of their life on Eos.

Noct shivered on the concrete porch while Ignis put his key into the lock on the front door. “Just a moment,” he said, and then he was turning the knob and pushing the door open, gesturing for Noct to enter the house first.

Nervously, Noct crossed over the threshold. Ignis followed to shut and lock the door behind them, then turned on the light.

Noct looked around curiously. They were standing on a stone tile entryway, beyond which lay a cozy, carpeted den with a large fireplace along the far wall. The kitchen was located straight ahead and hallways stretched to the left and right. Everything looked clean and polished—just as he would expect any space of Ignis’s to be.

“A hot bath would do you some good,” Ignis said, momentarily setting his armload of shopping bags down on the floor. He peeled his jacket back over his shoulders before hanging it up on a coatrack next to the door. “I’ll take that coat,” he offered, reaching out for the white lab coat he’d lent the boy from his office, “then if you’ll step out of those oversized shoes, I’ll show you where the bathroom is.”

Noct set down his bags and shrugged off the white coat, then gave it to Ignis, but didn’t even have to untie the shoes he was wearing to step out of them. He followed the other man down the hallway to the left. “Laundry room,” Ignis pointed out on the left, “and bathroom,” pushing wide a door to the right.

“What’s down there?” Noct asked, nodding his head to the last door at the end of the hallway.

“My bedroom.”

“Ah.” The answer gave rise to another question. “Where am I sleeping, anyway?”

“The guestroom.” Ignis reached around the wall and flipped on the bathroom light, revealing a large room done in chocolate and mocha with bronze and ivory accents. He handed Noct his bag of personal items. “I’ll prepare supper while you wash up. Take your time,” he added over his shoulder on his way back down the hall. “The towels are under the sink.”

“‘Kay.” Noct stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. The tiles were cool under his bare feet but the glow of the lamps on either side of the large over-the-counter mirror gave off a warm feeling, and suddenly nothing sounded better than immersing himself in a hot tub. How long had it been since he’d had a proper bath? He’d been in the hospital for, what, three weeks? This was going to feel amazing.

He found a large towel and a washcloth in a well-organized cabinet under the sink counter and carried them over to the bathtub, setting them down on the rim. Noct plugged the drain and turned the hot water tap on, then he stripped out of Ignis’s oversized clothing and unpacked his shopping bag.

The tub was large and heart-shaped, but the water was gushing with such force that it was more than halfway full when Noctis climbed inside. The heat of the water felt fantastic after being out in the cool night air in such loose clothing. He sank into it like he was melting, leaning back against the reclining wall and closing his eyes. He felt cleaner already, and the steam was doing marvels to clear his head of confusion and distress.

He was on Earth, not Eos. Conventions were much the same, yet there were no daemons here. People went driving and even shopping at night, fearlessly. The world seemed safer, yet he took no comfort in that assumption; having been born and raised in an era where day-to-day living became more perilous with each passing hour, he could not help but feel suspicious of this world. What darkness was it hiding?

The water was beginning to lap at the rim of the tub. Noct felt it rising above his shoulders and forced himself to sit up and turn the tap off. He was still bruised from his accident and his ribs ached to lean forward, but he reclined again a moment later and let the water soothe his aches. With his arms stretched out to the sides and his whole body relaxed, he felt almost comfortable enough to fall asleep. His head hadn’t ached in days, so that was a good sign. It might take a while longer, but the rest of him would heal, too.

But what then? What had brought him here, and how? When could he go home? What if he couldn’t?

Those were mysteries he would have to solve in time. For now he was only certain that in spite of the blow to his head, he had not dreamed his life up to this point, and he wasn’t crazy. He was Prince Noctis Lucis Caelum, born and raised in the Crown City of Insomnia on the planet Eos. But who was the man in the kitchen?

[sorceressmidnight]

Midnight Sorceress

Chapter: 2/? [1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - ?]

Chapter 2: You’re Gonna Get Yourself Killed

Words: 2265

Warnings: Some cursing, mentioning depression and medication

Primarily following the events of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it revolves around an original character.

Description as posted on ao3:  A member of SHIELD is forced to struggle with her mental stability and keeping her secret as the craziness surrounding the Avengers crashes around her. She ends up befriending Tony and Pepper, who help out her mental health a great deal, but will they be able to help her with her secret? Something that could destroy her if she uses it too much… What will happen when Tony tries to convince her to use it to help the Avengers?

Read on ao3: here

Tags: @txnystarkimagines @h0bsyrup

Hit me up if you want to be tagged in future chapters.

This chapter takes place a bit before, during, and a bit after Iron Man 3.

Kiana pulled her hair behind her ear as she stared at the door quietly, sighing and lifting her hand to knock against it anxiously; she wondered if he would even answer. There was a minute or so of silence before she could hear shuffling inside and footsteps towards the door. It opened up to a disheveled Tony Stark, but not in the ‘I just had sex’ way she might have expected. He didn’t look like he had just woken up from a night of fun or the likes, but rather… he looked almost… afraid? Her chest tightened, recognizing the oh so familiar look immediately. “Hello? Oh… Hi.” “Kiana.” “Hm?” he questioned quickly. “My name is Kiana. Everyone calls me Kiki.” “Oh… Well, what brings you here, Kiki?” he seemed to straighten himself up a bit as she stood there, brushing through his hair with his fingers and adjusting his shirt so it fit on him a little better. “I was hoping that maybe I could sit down and talk?” She offered a small smile, fidgeting with the edge of her shirt. “Sure, but I dunno what you’d wanna talk to me about.” He held his arm out, gesturing for her to come inside, letting her walk in first before closing the door. She made her way over to the couch and sat down, patiently waiting for him. Tony put himself down in a chair across from her, leaning forward a bit while resting his hands in his lap. “So…” she began, extending the length of the sounds for both the s and o. “So.” “What’s up?” That was the dumbest question she could have asked at the current moment in time. It didn’t relate to anything she actually wanted to talk about, let alone give any sort of actual reasoning as to why she came. A heavy sigh heaved from her chest, licking her bottom lip as she struggled to form her thoughts into audible words. Her brows knitted together, opening her mouth a couple of times only to close it once again. “Do you know what a panic attack is?” she finally managed to get out. His own brows arched slightly as her eyes met with his, pursing his lips in brief thought, “You mean… like when people start to freak out… and rock back and forth? Screaming or crying kind of thing…?” “That’s the neurotypical way to talk about it, Tony,” she gave a soft smile, “panic and anxiety attacks are different per person. For instance... some people end up crying uncontrollably, struggling to breathe, shaking, chest tightening, while their thoughts are racing yet not making any sense. While for some… they struggle to move, the world seems like a blur, slurred speech, nothing happened but everything’s wrong... ” Her words held a certain tone to them, swallowing harshly as she avoided eye contact with him. “That sounds like it’s from personal experience,” he said, his tone a bit softer than his normal snarky one. She sighed, looking back in his direction, “Yes. I personally experience panic attacks, as well as anxiety attacks. Let me tell you, just the two different emotions cause severely different reactions… The first I described was how I experience a panic attack… while the second is how I experience an anxiety attack...” He paused, staring down at his hands and taking a minute to think over what she had explained to him. It… sounded so familiar, but different. What she said resonated with him on a level he didn’t expect it to. “I’m sorry…” he finally responded. “For what?” “I’m sorry you’ve had to go through something to cause that…” “It kind of happens when you experience trauma… One thing that’s caused mine have been near death experiences… So I… I kind of know how you might feel…” she gave an awkward smile. “To be fair, I’m sorry for what you’ve been through… I know you’ve lost a lot and almost died a number of times… Aside from my near death experiences… I’ve had a decent life growing up, but I know no matter how hard you try, mental problems tear you up without hesitation.” “I see… What’s all this about, though?” he asked, curious to get down to the point. She was here for a reason, but he wanted to know why. “I guess... I just wanted to let you know that you have someone to talk to when you’re feeling overwhelmed… I’m not a therapist, but I am a good listener.” “Well,” Tony began, standing up, “I appreciate the sentiment, but I don’t need it. If I do, I’ll keep that in mind.” He extended out his hand, offering to help her up as he added in, “In the meantime, care for lunch?” “At least you’ll consider it,” she sighed. She reached up and took his offer, pulling herself to her feet. “Lunch sounds great,” she smiled.

I… I tried talking to Tony, but he’s definitely not willing to open up and talk about his problems… not yet, at least… I just hope he realizes he needs to talk to someone about all of this before something stupid happens, since that seems to be a common theme with him… I suppose I’ll have to keep an eye on him for the time being, just to see how he’s faring...

It was shortly after Tony taunted the Mandarin on television, giving out his home address that he received a call from an unfamiliar number. “Hello, I don’t remember giving my number out to blocked ID.” His tone was snarkier than normal, a little more than annoyed at the current moment. “Oh shut it with the snarkiness, Tony! Why the hell did you give out your address like that?! I’ve already set up a safe house for you and Pepper to go to, and I’ll be sending an agent to come help with picking up your things!” her tone was mostly annoyed, with undertones of concern. “Don’t even bother, Kiana,” he grunted, clearly annoyed, “I’m not leaving and that’s final.” “You’re going to get yourself killed, you stupid piece of--” *click* He put his phone on silent, rolling his eyes and continuing his drive home.

Kiana glared forward, mouth agape as she was in the midst of talking, anger boiling inside of her veins. She gripped her phone tightly and threw it against the nearby couch, letting out a muffled scream. “That stupid little… AUGH. I’m gonna kick his snarky little prideful ass from California all the way to New York!!!”

I haven’t heard from Tony since the phone call, but I’ve been paying close attention to everything revolving around him. Dummy always rushes off when his emotions get the better of him. I just hope that he doesn’t do anything to get Pepper in serious trouble, or anyone else for that matter. I hope he comes to his senses soon…

“I’ve been getting migraines since I’ve been on these new pills… Do you think I should get that checked out?” Kiana rubbed her forehead, taking a pain reliever with water. “That depends, is it a serious side effect of the pills?” Sammy mumbled while munching on a strawberry. “I dunno.” “You should see if it is, if it isn’t serious I’m sure it’ll go away. If it’s not a side effect at all, you might wanna go in. Strawberry?” Kiana sighed and took the fruit that had been offered, biting down into half of it as she silently contemplated on what to do. There was a short pause as the two sat in silence, thinking or reading over their own different things. “What’re the pills for?” Sammy finally piped up again. “Depression.” She sighed. “About time. I thought I was going to have to bathe you in alcohol.” “Shut up,” she rolled her eyes, “I was forced to go on a temporary leave after pushing myself too far mentally. I saw a psychiatrist and I’m now in therapy. I just… never had time before.” Sammy sat up and shoved another strawberry into Kiana’s mouth, “bullshit. You were just afraid to get help.” Kiana coughed and struggled to swallow the strawberry, “so are cough you!” “... That’s different.” “You don’t have to be afraid of him…” “I’m not afraid! He’s my dad! I have to listen to what he says!” “Sammy…” Before Sammy had a chance to respond to her, there was a knock on the door. Kiana sighed and stood up, walking over to the door and opening it. On the other side of it was a messy Tony, not disheveled and stressed out like the last time she saw him. “Can we talk?” his eyes peered in towards Sammy then back at Kiana, suggesting they go somewhere else. “Uhm… sure…” she quickly told Sammy that she would be back a bit later, getting a raised eyebrow from her in response. She then turned back towards Tony and walked out the door, closing it behind her and falling him towards somewhere with more privacy. The walk was silent as he led her to another room, Tony flippin on the light and swiftly closing the door and blinds. “I didn’t know we were on these terms,” she half joked, trying to break through the awkward silence. “You were right,” he responded rather quickly with a sigh, “what I did was incredibly stupid and I almost lost Pepper. Both you and Pepper wanted me to leave, but I was too stubborn to agree. I-I…” She gently put a hand on his shoulder, looking up at him with a soft smile, “You didn’t lose Pepper. I think this is just a harsh lesson that needed to be learned. I know you’re never going to be done with the tinkering, but… maybe just take it a step down on the reckless behavior. Use this,” she poked his head, “to reason out this.” She lightly pressed her hand over his heart. “I guess you’re right… Maybe I should take you guys out for dinner.” “So Pepper and I can make fun of you?” He pursed his lips in thought, laughing softly, “Maybe not then.” “I’m kidding! I dunno about Pepper, but I am always on my best behavior,” she stroke an ‘innocent’ pose causing him to shake his head and laugh. “Alright, alright. I’ll send someone to pick you up later,” he opened the door of the room and offered for her to exit first. She strode up to the doorway, stumbling a little, Tony catching her before she had a chance to fall. “You okay?” his brows arched, looking down at her concernedly. “Yeah… I’m just on some new medication. I always get a little weird when I start something new…” “Alright… Just make sure you take care of yourself, got it? We’ll need you around if the world needs saving again.” He winked at her, forcing her to stare quietly at him. The twinkle in his eyes made her realize as she gently punched his chest. “You did not!” “I did. You didn’t strike me as British… or blonde for that matter.” “Oh god, shut up. We’re not talking about that ever again, got it?” She grunted and stood up straight, leaving the room. “How much can you drink before you get drunk?” “I don’t drink, Tony, nice try.” “Really? You should try it makes my life a lot more tolerable,” he chuckled as he closed the door behind him. He walked her back to where she was hanging with her friend before messing her hair up before reminding her of when she needed to be ready by to be picked up. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, dad,” she scoffed, stifling a giggle. “That kind of talk is saved for the bedroom, so~ unless you want to convince Pepper to try being poly…--” “Stop. Anyway, go on before I kink shame you.” She held her hands up in an attempt to shoo him. “So rude, I wouldn’t kink shame you.” “You’ll never know my kinks, so that’s fine.” With each response, Tony got a little further down the hallway, until he finally said “Challenge accepted, then!” from the other end of the hall. This only caused her to shake her head, murmuring ‘oh my god’ under her breath. She went back in the room to find three pizzas on the table with one open next to Sammy, a few slices missing. “Who is buying this time?” she sighed, knowing that she probably spent around thirty to forty bucks. Sammy looked at the card, squinting to read it. “Robert Smith. Remember when I went to the store yesterday? Yeaahh.” “You make a decent amount of money… I have no idea why you feel the need to steal.” “Iunno,” she shrugged, “Two of those are for you, though. Some for now and some for later. I got your favorite~” “That’s like four meals for me.” “Then some for breakfast and lunch tomorrow. Anyway, I heard you’re going on a date with Tony?” Her brows arched, munching on the slice that was currently in her hand. “You said you couldn’t stand him.” “Ohmahgod. First of all, how dare you. Secondly, he’s taken. Third of all, he’s old enough to be my dad. Fourth, well… he’s not a terrible person…” “Hey, ya never know. I know a lot of people younger than you who wanna do all sorts of crazy things with Thor, who’s even older than Tony.” “We’re through with this conversation, Sammy,” before the other could respond, a different piece of pizza floated into her mouth and successfully stopped her from talking for a short while.

[ecotone99]

[NF] 24 Hours until Lexapro

EEEEEEE EEEEEEE EEEEEEE***

My eyes open and my hand flies up like a heat seeking missile, smashing down on the snooze button until i can find relief in silence for at least another 8:00, 7:59, 7:58.... Ha silence I joked to myself, like I get any of that these days anyway. Well I was being honest, with mild tinnitus I'v always got something playing to keep the perilous ringing at bay. I put on some white noise, the sound of rain. I shut my eyes and drift off.

My mind was on the day ahead, Id booked myself into a doctors appointment yesterday for this morning impulsively, I'd skipped through the heath centres polices...'minimum 48 hours notice on cancellations, dishonour fee $80.’ Perfect, I wont be negotiating myself out of this one. I needed to make this appointment. Over the last couple days I’d noticed more than ever, my anxiety levels mischievously planning to undermine me...

EEEEEEE EEEEEEE EEEEEEE*** The second alarm rings

'You piece of shit! AS if that was 8 minutes?' As quick as the alarm sounds I'm hot on the stop. Its getting harder and harder to get out of bed.

I look over to the pile of socks stacked up on the other side of the room, all paired up nicely. This is going to cost me. The winters in Melbourne aren't bad per say, but 4 degrees in your tighty whities can only be so fun. I stare out the window, look back at the socks and just listen out into the apartment. I can hear the occasional rumble of a tram rolling by, birds outside chirping and then to the ringing in my ears. I hit play on my phone, I'm listening to Cigarettes after Sex- Apocalypse. sorted.

I've gotta piss. This is enough motivation for me and I get up and do about my business. In the bathroom I'm running my hands through my hair after I wash my face. My fingers pass over a prickly patch behind my left ear and a sore.

My mind flashes back a couple days, Id been paranoid. Id had recently discovered a new lump or mole? something infectious maybe. 'A tumour?' This had had me in a worried fritz for days. it was something unfamiliar and I didn't like it. Without eyes in the back of my head id been trying to take photos and videos to try and get a better look at what i was dealing with. I'd shave off little bits of hair to try and get a better photo, different angles, flash, no flash. I needed some assurance. I tried picking at it, squeezing it? if it pops its just a pimple and that's okay right, if it pops it'll heal eventually and I can go about my business. Its not popping, its bleeding.I jumped online hopeful to find something that will let me rest. 'Do not pick moles...'

you can see where that goes anyway.

back in the apartment I'm just organising my morning coffee.Strait black with a bit of Honey. Delicious. I look at the clock. I'v got 10 minutes until I'm out the door. grabbing my shoes, I make my way over to the couch where I'll enjoy the rest of my coffee. Sitting back I look up at the roof in the living room. ugh. This roof has probably been my main antagonist these last couple months. Since moving in in January Iv had water leaking and bits of paint flake off. Every time I look up I feel like I'm finding more cracks, checking the weather forecast, or googling 'signs your roof is structurally unsafe.' Its driving me up the walls.

I try not and dwell on it for too long, I had somewhere I needed to be. And out the door I go.

I arrived at the health centre, punctual. my mind was a bit gravy, all over the place. I was dipping soggy thoughts into it, you know, cleaning up my plate before I talk to the Doc. Unfortunately not as tasty as it sounds. 'should i ask him about trying out Lexapro? Id tried it in the past, but I admit I wasn't very honest with it. I'll give it a fair go? and commit to a couple weeks or months and see how it goes?But its not easy. Deep down it makes me feel like a failure for just putting it in your mouth and relying on it. I haven't even put it in my mouth yet? Your practically a druggo. You will be be judged. I'm not progressing, I'v got to do something. try something?It took me a couple minuets to realise this just was the anxiety trying to de-rail me one last time. So I tried my best to block it out whilst filling in the introductory form.I like to be professional, well I think I do. Iv had times in the past where I'v pulled all fire alarms and hosed down the tissue station, remember the 'unprotected sex = I'v got AID'S!' scare? Oh boy. and the whole shamble of shared housing? Yes, a single apartments was the right choice to make, away from toxic house mates. The rents more expensive and your going to go crazy living alone? im still saving money? the roofs gonna fall down and ruin your life, you know that!!

It is imperative that this appointment was to run smoothly. I'm sure the whole ordeal will be over a lot quicker too. So I gathered together my issues and the Doctor addressed them accordingly. He soothed me with things like 'You've got low sun damage' and 'profiled moles are usually the least harmless' and 'Don't pick moles either...we can remove it if you like.' Unbelievable.Music to my ears. Id reckon if I had doctor on standby Id have a lot less worries. But that isn't reality. And it shouldn't be something I even think about wanting in the first place. We agree to go onto 10mg of Lexapro a day for 4 weeks, then adjust accordingly.

I duck next door into the pharmacy and pick up my script and with A positive step forward make my way back to the apartment. I get inside and started some coffee and whipped together some breakfast. I'm a chef by trade, So food to me particularly special. Iv come to realise that long hours in the kitchen were a bit of medicine Iv always been giving myself. A coping mechanism you could say for my anxiety. You can see how Covid would of stripped something like that away. But this is a temporary thing right?and and people have always gotta eat? when is the fat lady going to sing...

Iv decided to start taking the lexapro every morning after breakfast. So i gobble down my English Muffins, Eggs and Cheesy beans, finishing with 10mg of lexapro. Complements to the chef! and the drug maker?

Woozalberry

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[numberonetrashcollectorus-blog]

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"What ia a good affordable health insurance for children?

What ia a good affordable health insurance for children?

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how much a year would a 1998 chevrolet camaro base, not z28, be for a new driver. any ideas? and also a 2002 dodge intrepreped es 4 door cost? please.""

How much my insurance be on a Lamborghini? ?

Hi I have looked at a few quotes online but I haven't found a site that will insure me or give me an accurate quote. I'm 21 been driving two years and the car is a Lamborghini Gallardo Sypder. Thanks

Auto Insurance Company Lowballing me??? What do I do?

I have a 2001 porsche and this lady just tboned me going through a red light. Now My insurance company wants to offer me about 5000 dollars less then what I can replace it for. I sent them 10 ads in the area close to my car to show them, and they in turn had me appraised by an independent agency. This agency, BIG BLOCK, came back with a dozen examples that all had more miles then mine, and adjusted me .16 cents a mile. After doing depreciation calculations on their examples, the average dep per mile was .60 cents per mile!!!! This changes their evaluation by about 7-8000 dollars overall. Its been two weeks since they totaled my car. What should I do if they keep trying to low ball me?""

About how much per month would insurance for a sub shop/pizza place cost an owner?

Doing research in attempt to know how much it will take to get a small sub shop off the ground. A big question is insurance. In this day in age, I would hate to be sued by someone who slips outside and falls. I will be renting the property from a local land owner. The building is 1,000 square feet, small joint. What is a general range of which I might in liability insurance for my business? Located in ohio small town.""

Could someone please explain health insurance to me?

Difference between PPO HMO DRG Private insurance, and deductibles I read it in my textbook but all these terms I'm not very familiar with so no matter how much I re-read the paragraphs I'm still a bit confused... I might sound stupid but oh well! Clarify for me please! Thanks for all who answer""

Does Auto insurance go down automatically after the age of 25?

If I drive a small and cheap car...

""Car insurance dilemma - named as main driver but not, what should I do?""

I recently agreed to be a named driver on my au pair's car insurance to lower her premiums & as I may indeed drive the car on occasions. Now I discover that I am named as the main driver which is definitely not the case. As she has made this statement, am I right in thinking that this couldn't be held to be a lie on my part (unless I then signed a statement to say this was true or similar?) I have provided my license details for the insurance company but haven't made any statement. are there any possible repercussions for me? How do insurance companies check such things?""

""I drive a work vehicle 5 days a week, shouldn't I get a low rate insurance for my own car?""

I've started a new job few months ago, where I'm provided with a work vehicle (insured by my work) and I drive this work car 5 days a week (Monday thru Friday) ... I still have my own car and I'm not getting rid of it, but the question is shouldn't I get a lower rate insurance for driving my car only in weekends, if any?""

What's the cheapest car for insurance?

What's the cheapest car for insurance?

Thinking about changing to TD for auto insurance?

My current auto insurance company is charging me around $380.00 per month for insurance TD quoted me for $230.00 per month. I have only been with my current insurance company for 4 months now is it worth changing? here is TDs rules for cancelling. I personally think it is worth the change would TD still take me if i cancel early into my policy i haven't missed a payment and this would be the first time i cancelled a policy. Do there rules apply for me Cancelling???? or am i alright for changing? also i paid first and last do they take my last month as a cancellation fee? anyways let me know thanks TD Canada Trust rules for cancelling If an insurance company has cancelled/refused your policy for whatever reason (e.g., non-disclosure of tickets, non-payment), we are unable to provide you with an online quote. We do not take into account a policy that you cancelled yourself.""

I need help choosing my first car. Mustang vs Mustang vs MINI?

I will be buying my first car soon and I have a few choices to pick from. I'll have to pay for everything myself (insurance, fuel, maintenance, etc.). I'm trying to narrow my choices by choosing between a 2005 Mustang v6 (has 50k miles and is an auto :c) and a 2004 Mustang v6 (has 80K miles and is a manual c:). I found both of these cars at an auction site I'll be going to with my father next week (he's mechanically inclined lol truck driver) and I'm nervous since it's likely I won't be able to check for many issues other then auto check. I don't need much power so I don't mind having a v6 (because I'll work my way up to the newer models heh heh heh). Anyway, which should I choose should I decide to get a Mustang? I mostly need it to get to school and work; maybe an occasional mini road trip to LA (twice a year; I live in the Bay Area too so weather isn't a problem). Also, are they difficult to drive? The front seems so long on the 2005.... please take hating on the v6 elsewhere Also, I found a 2008 Mini Cooper for a suspiciously low price from a private dealer (4cyl, 79K miles but it used to be a fleet vehicle and I still need to run it through autocheck). I could test drive this one and run it by a mechanic but the seller lives 2 hours away... Insurance for the either of the two Mustangs would be around $60 a month with Geico (I'm 19 so I had to look for the cheapest branch I could find). My dad has a ford so he would be able to help me with the Mustangs. However, I don't know anyone with a MINI that could give me advice. I really like the MINI because of it's perfect size and quality but Im scared of what the fuel, maintenance, etc. could be like. I'd really appreciate any advice or extra info you could give me on these cars. Especially the MINI.""

Buying insurance right after an accident?

Just a question, and I don't want assumptions that I'm the person in the scenario because I'm not and this has just been a burning question of mine for a long time. Ok, so someone gets into an accident and buys insurance right after. The thing is that the insurance papers will have the DATE it took effect, not the TIME it took effect. So in all respects, it was active on the day the accident happened and the person in question has to go to court to provide proof of insurance, in which the judge will see that it took effect on the day the accident happened, so the question remains, is this person covered?""

What ia a good affordable health insurance for children?

What ia a good affordable health insurance for children?

Car registration and insurance on different names?

Ok. I'm plnanning on buying a car next week. I have a question. Is it possible to buy insurance on her name and then register the car on mine? If yes please tell me how?

Can I afford motorcycle insurance?

So here is my situation: I currently own a 2003 Toyota Matrix that I make payments on. In between the payments and the insurance and gas, it costs about $350 a month to have that car. For the last couple years I've been really interested in getting a motorcycle, specifically a newer Kawasaki. According to my research, I could find a Kawasaki Ninja 250cc for somewhere around $3000. My question is basically how much insurance do I need? Right now I have comprehensive coverage for my car so that if I'm in a wreck and it's totaled I can replace it. If I had a bike AND my car though, I don't want replacement coverage for a secondary vehicle (even one as cool as a motorcycle). I got quotes from Geico and State Farm that put my minimum amount of insurance a month in the neighborhood of around $30. Does this sound accurate to anyone? Also, can anyone just give me some sound advice about owning both vehicles and whether it's worth it?""

About how much is basic auto insurance?

for a used 94 toyota camry in los angeles the main driver is 25 and has a good driving record.

Car insurance when i turn 18?

Hi right now im 17 and im about to be 18 in march, im looking to get a car so i can commute back and forth for school and i need help on this car insurance ropes. Im planing on getting a used car for around 3000 maybe a jeep wrangler/loredo or a good nissan or toyota. Ill look into prices and student discounts after i figure this out, am i able to get car insurance under my name when i turn 18? My mom isn't a driver or owns a car this is another reason, so i can drive her around. So ill be doing this on my own, any help or tips? And please nothing that im young or stupid answers im trying to be serious. All help is appreciated, thanks.""

Cheap auto insurance?

Ok im 18 with a lience and my papa is thinking of giving me his ford f 150. wat is a super cheap insureance i can get? i dont need all the extra ****. and legally do i even need insurance??

What is the average collision deductible on insurance for a 2005 leased vehicle?

i'm trying to determine whether i need a big deductible or not, this determines whether i stick with geico or move to the cheaper esurance""

Driving Someone Else's Car...Do I need Insurance?

Okay lets say that I have my license but I don't have car. If I have a friend or a family that lets me drive their car and I get into accident...who's fault would it be? Mines or the owner's? And If I do drive someone else's car..do I need insurance to pay for the owner's car if I accidentally damage their car? Or no?

Which job has cheapest car insurance?

what job do i have to get to get real cheap car insurance

How much do you pay for car insurance?

I live in new jersey, 20 years old, I drive a 1996 oldsmobile, and I'm on my boyfriends parents insurance paying 115$ a month, my boyfriend and I share the car, he's 23 & the insurance was originally 80 then it went to 115$ because his sister got in an accident...I would like to know how much do you pay & what's your insurance company?""

Insurance Question ??

well im 16 and im most likey getting a car this weekend (the one i want is a 1997 mitsubishi eclips spider convertible) i was just wondering how much insurance will be ?? thanks i realy need to know .

True or false? I can save money on car insurance by choosing a higher deductible?

True or false? I can save money on car insurance by choosing a higher deductible?

Is car insurance group 11 lower or higher than group 32?

i am wondering as i am looking for a car to learn in and it has to be lower than group 32 thanks

What insurance plan should I go with?

I'm a full-time college student and I work part-time. I have no insurance but need to get some soon. What health insurance do you think I should go with that is affordable?

What is the difference between a liability vs full coverage insurance for motorcycles?

also, what is the cost of each insurance? And which one should I get? I am 18 and going and live in PA. Thanks to anyone who could help.""

Why do we need car insurance?

what is car insurance? How does it help us? How much money do we need to pay?

""I gave a urine sample for life insurance, want two more samples on different days. Why??

I gave a urine and blood sample about a month ago for life insurance. I received a call yesterday from the company that takes performs the physical and takes the samples...they said my insurance company wants to more urine samples on two different days. Why is that?? It has me really worried and I can't call the insurance office until tomorrow to find out why. I would assume that they had messed up the sample if they just wanted one more but they want two on two different days. :/ I informed them that I take birth control and sometimes take Ibuprofen. I don't use any other drugs or smoke and very rarely drink alcohol. I also have not been having sex (only with 2 people) and have been tested for STD's and visit the gynocologist every year and am always fine. I didn't receive anything from my insurance company about my blood tests which means those didn't show anything (would only send to me if something wrong). Any ideas about what's up with the urine sample requests???

Can a car insurance company lower the estimate?

Ok here is my dilemma: I got in a car accident about a week ago, the other driver is at fault. I went for the repair estimate to the agent #1, he was ready to write a check for $1500, but I was wondering how much they would pay if they totaled the car, in a couple of days I got a phone call and the agent#2 said that the vehicle is gonna be a total loss and said they would pay $2300 and take the car. I decided to just take the $1500. Agents #1 and #2 directed me to an agent #3, I explained the whole situation to him and he said he would issue $1800 if I want to keep the car BUT I would have to get a salvage title for the vehicle first due to the state law. The state law requires a person to get a salvage title if the repair cost is 75% or more of the vehicle total value. I do not want to get a salvage title for the vehicle and I told him that the original estimate given by the agent #1 was $1500, not $1800 which is less than 75%, to which he responded I believe we still had some items open when you got that estimate . he will check it and call me back. 1. Can I just lower the estimate to original $1500 so I would not have to get a salvage title for the car? Any law that allows me to lower it? 2. Will the insurance company receive any benefit if they pay me more money but I will have to salvage the car? Why do they wanna do it?""

Who is the cheapest car insurer for 2011?

my car insurance has gone up 140 this year

How can I get cheap car insurance as an 18 year old in the SE UK?

I can't seem to get anything less than 3000

What would be the insurance on these cars?

What would be the insurance costs for a 16 year old girl for a Nissan Altima 2013 2.5 SV, a 2013 mustang v6 and 2013 honda crv EX? Or what are good websites to price it at?""

Insurance Question 16 year old?

I am a 16 year old boy, I just got my license. What I have to drive is a 2011 Mustang GT 5.0 liter V8, 2 wheel Drive. The price on the car is $32,565. If both my parents and I are insured on the car, how much should my own personal payment be for 1 month with a normal plan (not collision). My parents have never had an accident and are 40 and 36 years old. If I cannot get an exact quote can someone please tell me about how much the car would be a month to insure? Thanks very much. ***I have also completed a drivers education course that should lower my insurance 10-15%.""

How can I get life insurance on my parents?

I'm 27 and my dad is having his 6th child this month. Which means by the time my little sister is my age I'll be near elderly. Furthermore, as we picked up the cake for the baby shower, my dad informed me that since it's quite likely he may be gone before the child fully matures, I will be left in charge in his absence. Is there anyway to get life insurance for my dad without his consent. I don't mind informing him, but it's something I would like to manage alone.""

How much would my insurance premium rise be? Car accident.?

On the interstate going home from work, it started raining just as I entered, really hard. Then I saw this white car in front of me, who stepped on his brakes, and as soon as I saw that, I stepped on mines. I couldn't swerve to the right where the gravel and grass were cause the white car was already headed that way , since it was raining my brakes didn't help and instead my car slid and his the back left corner of the white cars, and then I hitted a gray car from behind. My car is messed up really bad and cannot be repaired. When I gained enough sense to realized what just happened, there was 5 cars that had stopped, but mines was the only one badly damaged, unrepairable. Nobody was injured, and everyone's car was still drivable. The officer basically said it was my fault, cause I couldn't stop MY car from hitting the other two. Now I have to pay a ticket of $165 and my insurance will be paying for the other car's problems.""

What would the insurance price be for me?

I'm an 18 year old male, and am thinking about getting an 2006 Pontiac Grand Prix with 115000 miles on it, what do you think would be the cost of insurance for me if you could guess/estimate?""

How much would my auto insurance be? read details?

I'm a 16 year old male. i live in a small town (25000). I would use the car to drive to school and sports activities. It would be a red 1994 pontiac firebird. 350 5.7L LT1. Its a coupe and a v8. i would be on my family's auto plan with my mom, dad, and brother. so how much do you think it would cost to add me to it?""

What ia a good affordable health insurance for children?

What ia a good affordable health insurance for children?

How much would it cost to insure a Toyota 1985 corolla AE86?

I'm 18 and I am still under my parents insurance. I've only been driving on my own for a month or so. The car is a two door coupe.

Ca insurance for teens cost?

how much does car insurance for a 16 year old person cost?

Car insurance?

My husband and I are planning on getting a new car and we're looking through auto-trader.com and finding a lot of good cars but is there a website you can go to to calculate how much the insurance of each car to help us narrow our decision down?

Who has the cheapest auto insurance policies in Pennsylvania?

I'm purchasing a '97 GTI VR6. I don't have insurance, because I currently own no other vehicles. What would everyone recommend as far as a decent and affordable auto insurance policy? I'm 19 years old. No accidents and no tickets of any sort. Thanks in advance!""

Cost of insurance for a Motorcycle?

I'm in Montreal Quebec. I'm 18 and wondering how much the insurance will be? I heard since I'm under 25 they will make me pay $5000 a year for insurance. Is this true? If not what is your estimate?

How much would insurance on a mustang cost (ROUGH GUESS)?

Okay, so my mom's car (Chevrolet Cobalt) is finally paid off. I get my license in less than 3 months. We're wanting to get a 2011 Mustang. The concern is though, the insurance cost. Her and I would have to be on the insurance. Her insurance now is like 185 every 2 months, because she got a speeding ticket a while ago so it went up..? But this isn't going to be a really expensive car. The MSRP is around 22k and the only option I would get is automatic, instead of shift. Which is like an extra 1000. But of course it's a 2 door sports car.. So any estimations? Like extremely rough estimations. Like the average insurance, not real high or real low protection. She'd be the primary driver. ONE more question. 2011 Mustang or 2011 camaro? I like the camaro better, but she thinks it's ugly. But it's less than 1k more than the mustang, and I would love it.. I'm male by the way and make all A's in school if that has any effect at all, which i doubt. Thanks very much!""

How much does health insurance cost?

I just got a new job and I am about to enroll in medical coverage. I'm a healthy 29 year old male and I'm going to include my wife as a dependent. I know there are a few different plans, depending on deductible, etc, but I just want to get a ballpark figure on how much will be deducted from my checks. My wife suggests it will be about $150 a month, or about $75 per check.. Does this sound right??""

Need insurance help please?

I got into a car accident a few months ago (my fault). My insurance company denied my claim and didn't pay for the damages. Fast forward to today I get a letter saying that the insurance company of the guy who hit me are demanding that I pay them 6129 dollars. I don't have that kind of money im only 22 and I live with my parents. What will they do to me if I cant pay them? What can I do? (I live in california btw)

Who has best price on motorcylcle insurance?

I have a harley davidson ultra - its 800 yearly - my cars cost less. I am with geico

Car insurance help?!?!?

Im 16 I own a 1991 Mercedes Benz 300se. About 180,000 miles how much would insurance be for me monthly/annually?""

Why was my car insurance quote so cheap?

im a 17 yr old male and i have recently bought a 1.2 Peugeot 206 look for 700, i know car insurance for boys my age are stupidly expensive so when i was looking at quotes it came as no shock until i got a quote for 750 for third party fire and theft, i have no idea why its so cheap, i checked the quote through about 5 times to make sure i didn't make any mistakes but i hadn't . can anyone explain why its so low ? i don't want to buy the insurance just in case it turns out to be an expensive mistake.""

""17 yr old in uk, looking for any tips to get cheaper car insurance.?""

looking for helpful tips to legally lower the price of my car insurance ie what company to go with, whether i should put my mum on my policy etc.""

""For a 16 year old how much does insurance cost for a year, an average, and what is out there that is the best?""

insurance plan, only answer if u have insurance or have experience""

Toronto best cheap auto insurance?

Toronto best cheap auto insurance?

I dont have car insurance and someone hit my car and im not at fault does it matter if i hav insurane or not?

I dont have car insurance and someone hit my car and im not at fault does it matter if i hav insurane or not?

What are the pros and cons of getting motorcycle insurance in Florida?

I'd like to save on the cost of insurance. However, I was wondering if it would be harder to get cheap insurance if I happen to get in a crash (with no insurance at the time).""

Do you need boating insurance in California?

Do you need boating insurance in California?

Which company deals with indemnity title insurance for remortgaging?

I want to remortgage my property and have been given an offer by a lender, however I can't complete without indemnity title insurance. Norwich Union no longer does title insurance due to the credit crunch, is there anyone else who can help me?""

Best car insurance for college student with spotless driving record?

Hi, I am buying a NEW 2011 Kia Soul next month, and I am looking for a good, cheap car insurance company. I am currently under Erie Insurance with my dad, but am looking to break away from him. Let me know your favorite insurance!""

Can I ask someone else to buy the insurance for my car?

I only have a temporary driver lisence, and if I buy a car, how can I buy the insurance for my car? The temporary lisence cannot buy the insurance. Can I ask someone else to buy it? I am in CA. Thank you!""

How much would car insurance cost for me?

I'm 17 years old, canada, ontario. Just started driving.. Anyone recommend a company, or any adivce, what are the costs per month.""

Can I Sue My Auto Insurance Company?

In 2005, as part of our divorce agreement, my ex and I decided to keep the same auto insurance but under separate policies. We had been with this company for years. My policy was on auto pay meaning that the payments were taken directly from my account. He walked in to pay his. About 6 months after the divorce, I was pulled over for a routine traffic stop and was told I was driving an uninsured vehicle. Without insurance, my registration was also invalid. Both tickets totaled 1K. My car was taken into impound. I checked and found the officer was correct. On good terms with my ex, I told him what happened. He said for the past 6 months, each time he went in to make a payment, the girl HIS was already paid. Realizing what had happened. They were applying my payments to his automobile. I was furious. I notified the agent who initially did not want to accept blame, but since the payments were automatic and my account number was on each payment they took, they were responsible. The error was compounded by the fact that the cancellation notice went to HIS address (how dumb was that!) So I had no way of knowing that I was cancelled. I was without a car for 2 weeks and lost my job. After much haggling and many sleepless nights of wondering what to do without a job or a car, the insurance company finally admitted blame, paid the impound fees of $1,250.00. The agent also said they would handle the 2 tickets totaling 1K. FAST FORWARD TO 2010 in my state, the county did a scofflaw sweep and I was summoned to court with over 5 thousand other delinquent drivers to address unpaid tickets. The order was come to court by April 30th or be arrested. Realizing this had to be a mistake, but fearful of the law, I stood in line for over 5 hours in blazing heat, then sat in court another 5 hours waiting for my day in court. I was immediately threatened with arrest because the 2 tickets were not paid. Up to that moment, I had no idea the insurance company had not paid the 2 tickets. This time, not only was my insurance and registration cancelled, my license was suspended due to the age of the infraction (5 years). In front of the judge, I called the agents' office only to be told by the secretary that they had no intention to pay the ticket. Paying to get the car out of impound was enough. When the judge heard this she was shocked and let me off with a promise to pay in 5 days. She made me promise not to drive. With no way to get home but drive, I took a chance, and was pulled over. The officer informed me that due to the vast number of outstanding cases, tags bearing our county name would be targeted for a while (talk about a police state!). I showed him my documents from the court and headed home. This is a nightmare. Would I have a case if I filed suit against my insurance company for failing in their fiduciary responsibility to a 16 year client in good standing? By the way this company is one of the largest in the country.""

How much did your car insurance go up after you claimed?

I had a single vehicle accident, my car may be beyond repair and I've no chance of getting my 1st yrs no claims now. How much did yours go up after you claimed?""

How much does it cost to go to ER without insurance?

Every once in a while (like every other month), I get dizzy and vomit. If I go to the hospital to diagnose the problem do i go to the ER. And also about how much will it cost me I don't have insurance.""

Car Insurance Question?

I came to north Carolina at the beginning of August from FL to stay with my aunt while I got my finances in order and she recovered from her back surgery. I plan to stay here until a bit after the new year. When I moved, I arranged to have my mail forwarded while i am here. Also around this time, I started searching for a new insurance provider because my rate had gone up with geico. I decided on progressive. When signing up for progressive, I signed up with my Florida drivers license number and my new nc mailing address. A couple of months later I received a letter from the state of Florida saying that they were notified my geico insurance policy was cancelled and to provide new proof of coverage. I went online and provided the information but apparently made an error when selecting the insurance company name. I accidentally selected protective insurance company instead of progressive. I was made aware of this error when I received a license suspension letter yesterday. Since then I have notified the state of Florida Of the error. I then received notice that my insurance was still not acceptable because Florida requires that if I have a florida registration, i must have a Florida policy. I called my insurance who confirmed that although they provide Florida coverage, I was under a nc policy even though I provided them with a Florida drivers license number since my mailing address was currently nc. I have had no lapse in coverage, but my insurance company cannot switch it back to florida until I am living there again at the beginning of the new year and can provide a valid address of where I will be living. I do not know where I will be living when I get back yet because I will have to find a new place to move into. Does anyone have any advice as to what to do in this situation? When I first moved to FL and transferred my tags, it cost me almost 500 dollars, so if i transfer them to NC for the time being, i will then have to pay 500 dollars again once I go back to FL""

What ia a good affordable health insurance for children?

What ia a good affordable health insurance for children?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/best-place-cheap-car-insurance-young-drivers-cassiopeia-najera"