#and took all the hype for showcasing it first. so i also think hes a bad sport about the communal nature of modding.)

[thefinalwitness]

the number of ppl i still see saying they only use brio for spawning actors. my friends. my brothers. ktisis has had actor spawning for months. you can rename them, apply penumbra collections and customize without having to make entries for them in those tools. weather tools. intensely customizable lighting tools. free yourselves. use ktisis. it even has or is soon going to have posing panels like how anamnesis does it if the on-body lines stress or confuse you.

[cialovesklopp]

chapter two — away we go

summary — it’s her first race and the first time she has to prove herself to the harsh world of formula one. the stakes are high and everything becomes dark once the lights are out. victory is always the highest goal and some are willing to play dirty to get there.

song — genius [ sia, labrinth, lsd ]

warnings — light mentions of drugs and child negligence

word counts — 6.5k

cia’s quick rambles — here’s part two as i’d said. i apologize again for the long wait and really hope that the next chapters are going to come out at a more consistent rate. maybe every two weeks or something. in this chapter we have first conversation with max and he is officially introduced into the series. i hope i get max right as i’ve never written for him but pls, if i get something wrong, just message me. i appreciate it.

on another note, i’ll be taking a mental health break but more to that on another post. also even though i watch a lot of f1, i don’t know shit about the engineering part and am more focused on strategy so pls don’t care much about any technical engineering information that I mention 🫶🏾

( masterlist / navigation / previous / next )

— zandvoort 2023

as if the stars had already decided on her faith and following demise, her first race, where she was to prove her skills, was zandvoort. the home of their fiercest rival and dutch lion — it was enemy’s territory. but despite their small home advantage because of max aaliyah wouldn’t let that divert her from her goal.

it wasn’t just a race and the result that mattered so much to her. all the late nights at the factory, countless hours spent in the wind tunnel were about to be showcased. and aaliyah hated failure. all that work couldn’t have been for nothing. 

for her, it was her first time at the paddock and just from the way people had waited t0 see them arrive, she finally understood all the hype around elite motorsport. the paddock itself was a hive of activity, with people, who happened to cross paths with the mercedes team chef, asking for pictures. aaliyah was amazed by how easily he handled it all, it seemed so easy almost as he took picture after picture. it was a world she just did not belong to. 

roar of engines, the constant smell of burning rubber and the sight of orange wherever she looked were the reminder that she desperately needed. to realize and let it sink in where she actually was. it made her heart race, knowing how much he had dreamt of this moment and now she was living it for him. every detail, from the polished pit lane to the towering grandstands packed with excited fans, felt almost too vivid to be real.

what aaliyah definitely had not expected was for her to be the new talk of the paddock. paparazzi were blinding her with their cameras, while constantly shouting at her to new questions as she walked through the paddock. 

“why do you think you were chosen for this huge role?”

“are you sleeping with toto wolff to get this job?”

“how do you already have a phd?”

her breath hitched in her throat as the paparazzi shouted at her, it was overwhelming and unexpected. the sheer intensity of it all caught her off-guard as they made their way through the crowded paddock. 

toto, who had sensed her discomfort pushed her behind him protectively to shield her from all the questions. “aaliyah, i need you to promise me something.”

she nodded.

“if there is anything, no matter how overwhelming, you look for me directly. don’t try to handle it yourself. i’m always right there.” there was a sense of sternness in his voice but she knew he meant it well. 

and she couldn’t fault him for his protectiveness. even though outwardly she looked composed, inside she felt like a ticking time bomb, poised to explode. and she couldn’t afford to fall apart again, she'd sworn that to herself when they'd spoken about her past.

she would never go that low again.

“i know. i promise.”

aaliyah took a deep breath to get her pulse normal again and it felt like a huge weight fell off her shoulder when they finally reached the mercedes garage. they walked inside lewis’ side of the garage, past his car that had become aaliyah’s new baby and pride. 

just as promised she had brought new upgrades to the car, some a bit more recognizable others small. yet they were all significant— a result of all her hard work she auf poured into. whether it was at three in the morning or during her weekly facetime with eva. 

a few had doubted her suggestions at first and aaliyah couldn’t even blame them for being a bit hesitant towards her. i mean, how could they trust a girl that they had never heard of? a woman who had no experience in this area?

in the end it had been toto, who had forwarded her ideas which helped her set them through along with lewis’ persistence. 

she had changed the floor and brought a new rear wing and seeing the car in front of her fitted with her modifications felt like a small victory. a small part of her promise was completed. 

aaliyah put her bag on the table, that toto had directed her too and which was already equipped with two pairs of headphones. she looked knowingly at him. 

“i don’t think i’m gonna need two.”

he laughed. “schatz, du bist in der formel 1 jetzt. ich sag dir aus erfahrung, du wirst zwei brauchen.” — darling you’re in formula one now. i’m speaking from experience when i’m telling you that you’ll need two

she had gotten an entire space for herself along with an office and she still had a good view of the entire garage, especially on both sides and the data analysts. 

after arranging her desk, that would become her new working space for the next few weekends, toto led her further down the garage again where a man and lewis waited for them. 

“aaliyah, new chief —“

“technical engineer?” bono completed for her. he held out a hand, “we’ve already heard a lot about you.”

“i hope only positive things.”

bono laughed. “believe me, this guy here,” he pointed to lewis, “does not shut up about you. and the new upgrades seem very promising. that’s some terrific work.”

she nodded, sending a small smile, that showed her gratitude. “so just to check, you are lewis’ race engineer. and george’s on the other side?”

“yep. but we all always work as a team together.”

lewis turned towards her. “have you already met the other drivers?”

“was i supposed to? i’m just here to win.”

toto let out a discreet sound, that highly ressembled a snort. “love the mindset already. exactly what we need.”

“happy to deliver. but now back to actual work,” she pulled out her laptop and showed them a board of different graphics surrounding the car. 

she showed them different designs and concepts of the car that involved her upgrades and how they were supposed to work. 

after they had finished going over every little adjustment she had made, the three men bid their goodbyes and went their separate ways. lewis still had to give some interviews before stepping into the car and toto was busy doing whatever team chefs were doing. it gave aaliyah some time to think of what was coming these next days. 

entering the bathroom, aaliyah instantly headed for the sinks and splashed some cold water over her face. she rubbed her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror. 

it felt like she was fading away, replaced by a stranger in the mirror. the reflection didn't belong to her anymore; it was as if a shadow self, with a life of its own, stood there instead. she could no longer see herself in the image before her, only a ghostly echo of what once was.

the woman in the mirror was not her. she embodied empowerment, confidence— a transformation. she was the newest chief technical engineer, a groundbreaking achievement as the youngest woman and first in mercedes’ history to hold that title. she felt every bit of that power and distinction. yet, the aaliyah in the mirror seemed like someone else entirely, a reflection separate from the person she believed herself to be. the aaliyah in the mirror was different to her. 

aaliyah wondered: did she also have that constant feeling of something nagging away her soul? if she also felt the kind of pain that led to itching on your entire skin? that aching kind of guilt that was capable of weighing like the entire world? 

aaliyah wondered, "did she too feel that ever-present gnawing at her soul? that relentless itch beneath the skin, that pain that bit and stung like a constant reopening scar? the guilt so heavy, it felt like the weight of the whole world?"

her therapist had already told her that she was suffering from survivor’s guilt. from living while another person found themselves buried six feet under. and there was nothing she could do except live his fucking dream as if it was hers. 

“you’re going to ace this. and you’ll be the fucking best. and you’ll prove to that bitch that you deserved to be her daughter.” 

whoever said that self-pep talks were a waste of time clearly never found themselves in a place where everything felt black and white. as aaliyah stepped out of the bathroom, a hint of color returned to her life—some of the confidence she'd lost after the accident. no, it wasn’t a waste of time at all.

but did she need these words? absolutely, she did. especially after her mother abandoned her, forcing her to practically disown herself. she truly did.

aaliyah had been completely lost in her thoughts, her mind going over the different upgrades she had added to the car that she did not see the person walking opposite to her. i mean who could blame her with all the commotion on the paddock? looking up and staring at everyone would be exhausting. 

she only looked up from the ground again when she was met with a vast chest acting like a wall and making her phone and office map fall down. 

“es tut mir so le— fuck, wrong language. i am so sorry,” aaliyah rambled, kneeling down to pick up all the papers that had fallen out, particularly those that had her sketches and designs for the car. 

“oh, it’s okay. nothing happened. let me help you,” he, as aaliyah could make out, joint her on the floor. she could make out a strong accent but couldn’t exactly place where it was from. somehow that felt like a relief— at least in meant, she would never have to see him again. 

he moved to pick up one of the several documents but aaliyah stopped him. 

“you really don’t have to help me, this was my fault.”

he shook his head and assembled the rest of the papers, handing them to her before standing up from the dirty asphalt. aaliyah rose to her feet again and used the split second she had to get a full look of the man in front of her. 

his dark blonde hair was hidden under a blue cap, matching the color of his shirt. to her, he appeared quite ordinary, much like any other man she had encountered here. however, his blue eyes immediately caught her attention—they were unmistakably familiar, and she was certain she had seen them before.

why did her mind always betray her at crucial moments like this? she had no idea. it’s like her own thoughts turned against her, and honestly, she was not surprised.

“you didn’t have to. i would have managed.”

“and get marched over by all the people here?” he pointed towards all the people around them, all going into different directions that made it look like complete chaos on the paddock. 

a small grin appeared on her lips. “but this was my fault anyway. i wasn’t looking where i was going.”

“i could say the same,” he smiled at her softly. god, he was charming, aaliyah thought to herself. “is your phone okay?”

right, her phone that had shattered on the ground. “yes, my phone is fine, no scratches,” she said, though it clearly wasn’t. she had no interest in continuing the conversation, especially with someone who, upon closer inspection, was clearly wearing red bull merch—an obvious sign of the enemy.

“that doesn’t look like it. i can see the display.”

she laughed nervously. “yeah, but that’s only my business phone. i literally never use it.” at least there was a hint of truth in that.

“okay, that’s a relief. but are you su—“

aaliyah shook her head, “yes, it’s perfectly fine. sorry again and hope you have a nice day.”

he chuckled. “you too. let’s hope you don’t bump into other people anymore.”

aaliyah turned around, not even facing him anymore as she mumbled a small “yeah let’s hope so.” 

she had to get away before any news outlets or paparazzis caught her talking with max verstappen. toto would definitely have her head. 

she had anticipated saturday to be a busy day but actually living and being a part of it was a whole other level. the changements she had made on the car, even though only minute, had brought noticeable changes to the car.  commentators had instantly noticed it during the first free practice sessions and fans had picked it up during the third one. but they didn’t connect her name to it yet. 

just as the data had predicted, the w14 was responding perfectly to the improvements, with lewis even telling them on his radio that he definitely felt quicker on the straights. and the tyre management had increased significantly too. 

however quali was not the same thing as free practice. which is why she nearly spent the entire night at the paddock, going over the car again. it had been toto who had forced her to leave after catching a light still being on at 2 am. 

toto couldn’t know that aaliyah drove herself tirelessly, haunted by a fear that sleep would pull her back into the wreckage of that accident, dragging her into a circle of guilt from which she never seemed to escape.

maybe she wasn’t as okay as she thought. but who could be with a gifted brain treated as a nuisance their whole life? aaliyah didn’t think anyone would be.

“you ready for your first qualifying?” lewis asked her as they stood at her desk, going over the latest data. 

aaliyah shrugged. “i’m not sure. i wouldn’t really describe it as nervous. i just really don’t want to fail.”

“well, you know my motto: still we rise. it’s okay to fall down once a while,” replied lewis.

she nudged him lightly although a small grin had showed up on her lips. “maybe but not on my first race. and now get into the car before your fans accuse me to have let you out too late. we need the data and a good position if we want to catch up to ferrari and those bulls.”

he lifted his hands in surrender. “understood, i’m already going.” 

her eyes followed him as she watched him walk away before sitting down correctly at her desk. the entire garage was buzzing from the upgrades working and with that recent development, they had put all eyes on them. everyone was now waiting for them to actually put their hard work to show where it actually mattered: qualifying. 

but she was proud, watching as the cars raced around the track, putting in best sectors. she had ordered for both george and lewis, to be firstly put on new mediums before switching back to the used soft. the same tactic had been used again, when both cars had gotten to q2. and now was the time for q3, where everything was decided. 

aaliyah wouldn’t describe herself as greedy but she desperately longed for that feeling of satisfaction if the cars qualified above p5. it would be a silent, unspoken confirmation that she wasn’t so out of place as she thought. 

“so lewis, we’re letting you and george out now to put a few laps down before we change tyres again to the used softs from q2 since we raced the fewest laps with them. that way we can have them for the race at the beginning,” aaliyah told lewis over the radio. 

“copy that.”

the two black cars exited the garage again and aaliyah moved her eyes back to the screen. the two red bull cars were already on the track and max verstappen had already done two purple sectors. something that was not so unusual anymore from what she had heard. 

george and lewis had done two laps before going back to the pit again, while aaliyah went over the gained data with the other analysts and strategists. she had already figured out that the trickiest part for the car was sector two, as it was there that the silver arrows were losing the most time. the goal was now to turn the wrong into the right. 

“sector one and three are looking good lewis, try to push more in sector two,” said bono over the radio. 

aaliyah also pushed the radio button. “and george, be careful. you already have track limits warnings.”

as the session unfolded, she watched with anticipation where the few changes they had taken from friday to saturday could leave them. she could see the way the two drivers were pushing the car to its limits and just like the rest of the mercedes staff, she held her breath when lewis and george were putting in their last times. 

“oh my god,” she let out and put a hand over her mouth. “p5 for george and…”

“p2 for lewis,” bono told her with a huge smile plastered on his face. the entire garage erupted into cheers and applause was heard from everywhere. “the upgrades are working brilliantly.”

toto walked over to them and engulfed aaliyah in a side hug. “p2, not bad for your first race. congratulations, you did amazing. those upgrades were incredible work.”

“but this wasn’t just my work, it’s the entire team that worked its ass off.”

“still, your upgrades made this possible. can’t believe we’re actually a threat on enemy’s territory.”

“but it does feel good,” added another voice and aaliyah turned to find george walking towards them, still in his race suit with his helmet underneath his arm.

she was caught off-guard when he also all of the sudden pulled her into a hug, his face still glistening with sweat. “the car felt amazing out there. we were actually competing for pole again.”

“like i said, this was all a team effort. and you and lewis did amazing out there,” she replied modestly, her face a mixture of relief and excitement. “tell me, is qualifying always this nerve-wrecking?”

“believe me, tomorrow will be twice as hard.”

toto sent her a reassuring smile. “it’ll be okay, you get used to it. and this is the perfect start for the first race after the big summer break here. so keep up the good work and this might be every weekend.”

“what are the chances for a win tomorrow?”

“well, those red bulls are basically space rockets. their speed on the straights is unmatched. but good strategy should bring us a double podium at least,” aaliyah explained. she looked at her watch again and then at george. “by the way shouldn’t you be giving out interviews?”

george waved dismissively. “they don’t mind me coming late. all the questions will probably be about you as our new engineering wizard.”

aaliyah rolled her eyes at his teasing undertone. “my only job is to make sure that the car looks good. i don’t know what’s there to be called magic.”

“maybe but seriously, the car felt fantastic. the upgrades really improved the tyre management and this new ground speed was definitely helpful during drs.”

did her ego grow twice now after hearing it from george? maybe not. but she could not deny that it didn’t feel good, hearing that her changes were successful. 

"glad to hear about that, g. now we just have to analyse sector 2 because that’s where we lose the  most seconds.”

he nodded and then leaned in, lowering his voice. “can i ask you something?”

“as long as it’s not a date.”

george gasped and looked at her with an overdramatic, offended expression. “you? never. and i love carmen too much.”

aaliyah grinned. “same, can’t wait to meet her. so what did you wanna ask?”

he lowered his mouth to her ear again. “you think you could make my car faster than lewis so overtaking him will become easier?”

“are you already gossiping without me? and i thought we had a mutual agreement concerning gossip,” a new voice called out and they turned to see lewis arriving, not in his racesuit anymore and with a drink in his hands. 

aaliyah smiled at him playfully. 

“it wasn’t anything important anyway. and congratulations for p2.”

“wouldn’t have been possible without you. the upgrades are fantastic.”

toto suddenly clapped his hands, drawing everyone's attention and interrupting them. "so, team, debrief in ten minutes and then strategy meeting for tomorrow. if we play our cards right, we can have our first win tomorrow.”

the ten minutes had only been sufficient for a small coffee break before they were expected again for the debrief. 

she felt proud of herself for achieving this accomplishment and making the car better but at the same time this nagging feeling she had experienced in the bathroom earlier had not truly gone away. 

specifically, after the debrief she could not stop thinking about what would happen if she failed or disappointed toto. she would have to go back to munich again, stuck in that hopeless circle of despair while trying to find her place in the world. these past weeks had given her a little taste of what she could belong to; what it felt like to have a whole safety net she could rely on again. 

losing it would crush her. 

that constant fear she carried around with her was also part of the reason, why even after the debrief was concluded, she stayed back to analyse some more data. george and lewis had asked her to join them for dinner but she had declined politely, wanting to perfect her work. 

that constant fear she carried was like an invisible tide, pulling her deeper into her work. even after the debrief ended, she lingered, absorbed in her data, as if trying to outpace the relentless current of her anxiety. george and lewis had invited her to dinner, but she had declined politely, wanting to perfection her work.

aaliyah wanted the small taste of victory she had gotten today to last and she needed to put the work behind it. especially because the world of f1 was harsh and critics were ruthless. so she allowed herself to savor the moment but always with the reminder that it could be over as quick as it had started. 

it was toto who had to drag her out of the office at way past eleven again. the sound of footsteps echoed in the empty corridor but aaliyah pushed it aside, assuming it was just security or cleaning services. she was too focused on her work, even though her body screamed tiredness, to comprehend what was going on around her. 

“you do know that in order to win, we need you alive right?” 

aaliyah turned around, a small yawn escaping and looked up to see toto standing in the doorway. his facial expression was a mix of concern and soft astonishment. 

“why are you asking that?”

toto shrugged, stepping into the room. “i’m just reminding you. i don’t need my newest chief technical engineer to die from lack of sleep. why didn’t you join george and lewis for dinner?”

she sighed, reluctantly closing her laptop. “i thought spending the evening with some data was more appealing than some pasta.”

“and you say you love pasta?”

aaliyah feigned a look of horror. "i adore pasta but work has priorities. there was still so much to do; like i worked on our strategies for tomorrow again and i think we could apply some of these things like,” she rummaged through all the papers on the table and handed toto a messy sketch.

“for a better airflow we could amply this. maybe that will help them during sector two because that’s always where we lost the most time. and then in case ferrari is going on a similar strategy, i have developed a plan e and f that i just have to go over with the strategy crew and bono. you know, since lewis is going second.”

toto nodded, clearly impressed but there was also concern across his face. “when was the last time you slept for more than five hours?”

as she thought about his question, toto snorted. “the fact that you have to think about it says enough. come on, i’ll drive you to the hotel.”

“but what about the other—”

“anything else can be done tomorrow,” he cut her off, grabbing a part of her things. “look aaliyah, i know the f1 world is harsh but there’s a balance between life and success. working yourself to death won’t do it. so how about you let that brain of yours rest a bit?”

“i’m not tired, i’m fine. sleep’s overrated anyway.”

toto threw a quick glance at the small trash bin where he could identify three empty cups of coffee. 

“but no sleep is not the goal. come on, let’s get going. don’t make me call eva.”

aaliyah rose an eyebrow. “why would you call eva?”

“she told me that in case you have one of your brain episodes, where you can’t stop overthinking, i should call her in case it becomes too much,” his eyes softened as he looked at her. “she cares about you. very much.”

aaliyah smiled softly. “she’s the closest thing i have to a family with gabriella and jan.”

“yeah, and the least i can do is bring you back in one piece to them. so come on, let’s get you to bed.”

she considered it, then smiled. "fine, this time you win.”

the two walked out of the garage together, the night air cool against their skin as they exited the paddock. the night sky was shining bright above them as they walked past all the other boxes, a small smile appearing on aaliyah’s lips when toto put a hand around her shoulder. 

tomorrow could definitely come now.

 

race day dawned bright and clear and announced itself early in the morning with aaliyah having to wake up at eight. so much for getting more sleep. but she had to admit that she had been tired — as soon as she had entered her room, she was knocked out. 

she couldn't even remember how she had gotten into her bed or when her head had touched the pillow, everything from last night was a blur. 

thinking back to yesterday and how there was a clear gap in her mind made aaliyah think back to another time she had lived too. when she was just that empty person with no aspirations or goals, lacking any kind of direction and just floating through life. 

her thoughts wandered back to when running the entire day on chemicals was the only way for her to survive. the only means to keep her from drowning in the weight of unrelenting expectations and emotions she was carrying with her. 

but that time was over — or at least she thought so it was her past. focus was now on the future and the race.

after the dutch national anthem had been performed, the drivers went back to the garage shortly before joining their teams and their cars on the starting grid. aaliyah’s eyes traveled around her surroundings as she walked towards the w14, all the stands blurring to a sea of orange. the dutch fans had turned up proudly in their home colors to support their hometown boy.

she was relieved but also a bit surprised to see toto beside her but shrugged it off and the two walked to george’s car first after sharing a small smile. 

“you here to give me a last few words?” george asked her playfully which had aaliyah roll her eyes. 

“i don’t know; do you need them?”

“well, i’ve already gotten my pep talk from carmen but a few last encouraging words have never hurted,” he replied. 

aaliyah patted him softly on the back. “well, russell george; i’m sure you’ll ace this. a few positions should be in the game for us. you just have to push.”

“copy that chef. thanks aaliyah,” they exchanged a last high five before she let toto talk with his driver and headed up to lewis’ car. 

next to his car was the glorious rb19, the rocketship she was desperately trying to beat and outmaster. since she didn’t want to look suspicious, however, aware of all the cameras around them, she quickly turned around, giving it a last glance before focusing on the black car in front of her. 

lewis was already seated in his car so she bent down to talk with him. 

“are you nervous?” the british world champion asked her once they exchanged small greetings. 

aaliyah shrugged. “a bit, it’s my first race. i don’t want to screw up by making a wrong choice. quali has nothing on actual race day.”

she didn’t know why but lewis somehow always understood her. they didn’t have to talk much or share many words to know what the other was thinking. 

aaliyah vermutete that it was because of their struggles, that were so similar, that made connecting to each other so much easier. 

“i remember my first one, i don’t think i even slept. i was so nervous and excited.”

“believe me, toto had to drag me out of here at half past one.”

lewis grabbed her hand in a comforting way. “hey, no matter what position i end up today, you did great. for the first time since 2022 i feel comfortable again in the car.”

she nodded reluctantly. “then let’s hope the car is ready for the next race. i want to experience a real win.”

“i’m sure we will be back in monza. maybe even get an actual win. but let’s focus on this race first.”

“indian on me if you make a podium.”

“already telling you now, thanks for dinner.”

aaliyah shook her head at him, a huge smile on her face, and walked back to the garage. after sharing a quick greeting with mick, she took her respective seat next to toto and focused her eyes on the screen in front of her. 

a quick glance at the time told her it was only one minute till the lights went out. one last round till it actually started. whether she succeeded or failed, the press would know her name by the end of the day. aaliyah still had to choose if that was a good or bad thing, the entire scrutiny she would be living under now. 

“now the magic happens,” whispered toto. 

the formation lap had ended and all the cars were in starting position. three lights had already gone out. 

“i hope i used the right spell.” the lights were finally out and with it, the race started. 

lewis managed to gain the lead in the first ten laps, overtaking max at the start, but it was clear to aaliyah, after a quick look at the data, that he wouldn’t be able to hold that position.

george on the hand seemed to do well with his mediums and had moved up to fourth place after overtaking charles leclerc. both drivers had been set on the same strategy to maximize the gains and maybe have a double podium so aaliyah left them some time, choosing against putting them. 

“how many seconds could we gain if we pit george now and try to undercut the norris?” toto asked her when the gap between george and norris came down to 3 seconds. 

“depends on how his tires are at the moment. for now, none of the top six have boxed yet,” she looked at george’s times and then at marcus, his race engineer. “tell him he can push a bit more and close the gap to norris.”

marcus looked at her with curiosity. “and when do you want to box him?”

“we will undercut the moment he is close enough to overtake. that way norris will push his tires and when he boxes, we box lewis too. that should stop an undercut on us.”

he nodded. “so plan c it is.”

aaliyah pressed the radio button for lewis. “so lewis, i just wanted to inform you that we’re going for plan c.”

“copy that.”

“how are your tires?”

“i still have grip so they’re okay. i can still last on them. by the way is the indian you promised me vegan?”

“i don’t know, i haven’t looked for a place yet. you have to win the podium first.”

“copy that.”

aaliyah looked down to hide her grin and rolled her eyes, clearly amused by lewis. 

just as she had predicted, mclaren did call in lando norris the moment they realized the undercut that had been performed on them. and it became even more unfortunate for them when they saw lewis being called in right after them for a set of hard tyres. 

the rest of the race went in their favor even if they couldn’t compete for the win. after they had completed the pit stop, lewis had regained second place again and george had moved up to third with the undercut clearly working. and the latter had created such a big gap afterwards to norris in fourth place, that it had given them an extra pit stop which they could use to box for soft tyres and chase after the fastest lap. 

so although max verstappen had still claimed victory on home ground, aaliyah wasn’t disappointed. it wasn’t happiness she was feeling; more like content. satisfaction to her avoidance of failure. 

and she could add gratefulness to it when she watched lewis and george on the podium steps, happily raising their trophies in the air. the cheers from the mercedes garage were deafening, the joy contagious as they celebrated their success. one could even think that it was them who had won. 

while the rest of the team went to greet the two drivers and get ready for the podium celebration, aaliyah stayed back. she had already congratulated lewis and george on the radio and could talk to them later after the prize giving ceremony. 

as she placed back her headphones, toto walked up to her. he smiled at her knowingly and without warning pulled her into a hug too. 

“you did great this weekend. this wouldn’t have been possible without your work.”

“this was teamwork. and it was just my first weekend. monza is going to be different.”

he smirked at her. “already memorizing the calendar?”

“i like to be prepared. i have to outsmart the competition.”

“and how do you feel? do you feel that rush?”

aaliyah nodded. “it’s like lewis told me. the whole reason this sport is so endearing is because it keeps you alive. like a drug.” 

she wished she had been addicted to that and not the whole chemical stuff she had snorted up her nose to feel alive. 

“yeah, it’s like that. man hat seine höhen und tiefen in diesem sport. aber deswegen ist es wert.” — you have your highs and lows in this sport. but that’s what makes it worthwhile.

aaliyah smirked. “i’m going to crush them. today was good, a sweet taste but i can do more; do better.”

toto patted her on her shoulder. “i’m excited for your future work.”

“it’s going to be brilliant.”

even though they had just celebrated another win, the vibe in the red bull garage was the complete opposite. it wasn’t sad in the garage — everyone was still buzzed and cheery because of the good weekend, but there was an air of caution also in the air. there was a distant taste of urgency in the air that had not been addressed yet but could not be ignored any longer. 

because now an actual threat, that they had thought could be ignored, had risen again. 

and christian horner wouldn’t be who he was if he hadn’t already thought about the measures they had to take to make sure to stay on the top. he had watched the race data repeatedly, analysed it again after the podium ceremony and each time, it worried him more when he looked at the times from the mercedes cars.

the rb19 had been the quickest car on the grid again but the margin to the other teams became smaller and smaller, each race that passed. and somehow mercedes had done an incredible jump and had even surpassed the ferraris, concerning closing the gap to them. they may still have their rocketship but it was clearly looking like mercedes was making the transformation from jet to rocketship too. 

taking a deep breath, his eyes travelled the room before they finally fell on the winner from today’s race and sergio perez, his second driver. both had already finished with their media commitments and horner motioned for them to follow him into his office. the two drivers followed, both clueless about what had their boss not enjoy the victory party. 

his office was neat, clean and strictly organized. nothing was out of place and no item that stood in his pristine office was not without a reason in its place. trophies, helmets and photographs could all be seen in the background, either on shelves or hung on the wall. max and sergio both took a seat and looked at christian expectantly. 

the red bull principal shut the door before joining them at his desk. he let out a sigh. “so. i hate to bring this up now, especially after such a fantastic and productive day but i fear there’s no path to escape what is coming.”

“is something wrong with the car?” asked checo. 

“not in that way. however mercedes have apparently gotten their things back together because the upgrades they’ve brought are working,” he explained to them. “we got off the hook today as i think they didn’t want to risk a few grid penalties but monza could become difficult.”

max let out a small scoff. “we have the best car on the fucking grid. and who cares if we don’t always win with a one-lap-gap. as long as we win and win the constructor’s championship, everything is fine. it’s too late for them too catch up.”

“but they were incredibly strong today. things could have gone slightly different today. they were not playing and from what the data shows me, their ground speed has improved a lot too. they are catching up and quick,” he argued frustratedly.

max shrugged, not really seeing what there was to worry about. because even if the car wasn’t the best anymore, he was still the best driver and he didn’t need the fastest car to win. he was capable of winning with the second fastest car; he had done it before. “we’ve got adrian. and hannah is also the best. we are still unbeatable and the championship is practically decided too.”

“but we shouldn’t ignore that we can’t race too comfortably anymore,” checo replied, agreeing with christian. 

“exactly. something is telling me that these next races are going to be tough. today wasn’t just luck for mercedes.”

max leaned back in his seat. “okay, and what do you want us to do?”

christian looked between the two drivers. “i know that mercedes brought a new chief technical engineer on board.”

checo nodded. “yes, lewis did mention something about a new engineer and the ideas had been her idea. apparently she’s the one making a difference there.”

“and i want you two to spy a bit on them and see what you can find out. find her, try to talk to her. i’ve never heard of her so she must be new to the sport which means she’s also more prone to making mistakes.”

checo spoke up. "but we don’t want this to become another spygate."

“of course not. i’m not saying, find her and instantly bombard her with question. be subtle and smart about it,” he turned towards max. “use your charm. maybe she’ll slip something. from what i saw, she’s young.”

he was still very displeased with the idea but gave in at last. “fine, i’ll see what george could tell me amybe. but i don’t really think this is necessary.”

“maybe we’re overreacting but from what i heard, they want to bring in another set of upgrades to monza and if those work, the victory might as well be theirs.”

“don’t worry we got this.” they reassured him before leaving the office to join the festivities outside again. christian watched them go and leaned back in his chair. while he had deep trust in max and checo, some things had to be done alone. especially in formula one, where everyone was a shark, holding out their nose for the smell of fresh blood. 

off the track, they may all be friendly with each other but on it— that was the hunting ground and playing nice ended in nothing. no one could truly succeed by always playing by the book. those were the risks that made the sport so thrilling and alive. 

digging was only the first of the things he would be doing to get behind whatever mercedes were planning. getting his hands dirty was the least of his worries if it meant staying on top. it’s only too bad, that the same truth that brought him to the top could get her six feet under.

[kichiiiro]

Unpopular opinion: I really think Inanimate Insanity should've ended off on ep 17 rather than tacking on its final episode, S2E18.

(Going on a small ramble under cut)

Also note I'm writing this at 5am cuz I'm bored and cannot sleep lol take it with a grain of salt here.

Also I'm open to discussion but please no hate, I'm sharing an opinion here not meant to outright provoke people, I just want to share my opinions and feelings, and I'll respect everyone else's ideas on it as well./gen/nm

I mean don't get me wrong, S2E18 really went to wrap up any loose ends. The mysterious life force placed into Mephone4, and to give everyone their happy ending, but to be fair before the release of II S2E18, I LOVED the idea of everything being left up to interpretation on S2E17. The emotional impact and hype everyone went through on their more recent episodes 16 and 17 REALLY hit it off, and truthfully not all stories need to end happy. When II 18 dropped, it was mid to say the least. Unnecessary deaths (looking at you MePad) and the not-that-engaging final fight really just left people with the feeling of "what the fuck was that". Doesn't live up to NEARLY the hype of the previous episodes. And for II17 to stand as an end to the series, putting a stop to Cobs plan.. Mephone4 losing everything he cared about, Cobs reaching out to him.. REAAALLY could've left fans plenty of opportunity to wonder "would Mephone persevere?" "What truly is part of Mephone4 that sets him apart?" "Whats Cobs going to do now?" "Is everyone permanently gone or are they coming back??". For the end of ep17 to just.. end in that blank silence and leave everyone to wonder, while sorting through their own feelings seems it would've been way more engaging than the end they set out for us tbh. And don't get me started on the weird revival thing?? That race thing?? Like come on, there's hardly any suspense to that. Ooo don't touch the red line or you're dead forever. None of those losses at the line nearly compare to the execution of the previous deaths in the season when it came to MephoneX's suspenseful knocking everyone down one by one. Because then you're on the edge of your seat like "what's going to happen to the characters I love most??" Like just LOOK at what happened when we lost Lightbulb, and that emotion Paintbrush went through!! Compared to "damn they ain't running fast so they're gone *shrug*" like come on. Mayyybe sure it demonstrates the bonds between the characters a bit but ep18 was just borderline "ooo cliche villain fight scene" like Mephone got SUPER damaged in the first hit and then.. nothing else??? Kept getting punched and took no more damage. I swear if they needed to fill in time for the others to revive it could've been better than that. That fight scene was outright boring. Cobs blew up into popcorn, so he's dead, MePad died even though he could've just teleported both Mephone4 and himself, and ep18 really just went to showcase all the ships and whatnot. Like okay cool bad guy dead unnecessary deaths and now here's a bunch of ships to make yall happy! Like wh-

I swear ep17 would've made II go out with a BANG compared to how mid ep18 was.

[intriq]

I love being silly in ur asks!!!!

How do you think the Batfam would react to you being unexpectedly good at one of their "niche" (that isn't the right word I'm sorry) skills? Like gun skills(Jay) or flexibility (Dick)- 🌻

(You also don't have to do this pookie Intri I just love asking questions)

cackling, giggling even. im going to do this. ive been stewing over this since you sent it to me.

Tim - photography

He's probably a little surprised, no doubt. He's got a knack for photography, he's pretty good at it. I wouldn't be surprised if he has some sort of side job where people commission him for photos. He finds it to be a pleasant surprise when you give him a photo you took yourself as a little gift. It doesn't really matter if it's a picture of him or not, he'll still probably find a safe place to keep it so he can always look at it. He makes it a regular thing to trade photos with you after too.

Barbara - computers

Barbara doesn't exactly learn that your good at computers in person or directly. She hears it from the others after one night she wasn't available to provide information as Oracle and you instead did your thing just as smoothly, like it wasn't even an issue to navigate the Batcomputer in her place. She'll probably invite you to hangout with her after, trading tricks that'll no doubt sharpen not only her knowledge, but yours too.

Dick - flexibility

Hands down, Dick is shocked. He doesn't even know until one day you just so happen to showcase it while taking some thug down while on patrol with him, and he's obsessed there after. He probably constantly tries to see if there's anything he can do you can't, and he's probably always wrong in the end. Bonus points if there's something you can do that he can't, so he will pester you to teach him. Your definitely his new favorite person to patrol with after.

Jason - gun skills

He doesn't really let it show but he would be surprised. Amazed may be a bit of an overstatement, but it really depends on the type of person you are. If you don't look the type-- in his eyes-- to wield a gun, then yeah he's an amazed kind of surprised. Otherwise he's kind of neutral about it. He'd probably be interested in seeing if you can show him up in some gun tricks, though.

Bruce - strategy

He doesn't even notice it at first. He's far too busy planning something out when you offer your input that is incredibly thought out, and he runs with it. He adds it to his plan and it moves swimmingly, far better than expected. It doesn't click with him that you're a good strategist until after the mission he was planning for was all said and done.

Duke & Steph - puzzles & riddles [steph specifically]

Steph probably doesn't have much of a reaction. She's probably entirely neutral about it, a little uncaring. She'd still talk with you about it, though. Duke, though, is probably the total opposite. All hyped up and energized about it, happy that he's got something to talk with you about. Not to mention it's probably a topic you and him would enjoy discussing. He's just a hyperactive happy kid, I feel.

Cass - stealth

I feel like Cass would be surprised your good at stealth in its own aspect. No matter how she learns it, it'll probably lead to her staring at you and wondering "how the fuck did you do that" over and over.

[waitmyturtles]

Rose's Day of Asks

From your 'OGMMTVC Project' what have been the shows that surprised you the most? For whatever reason

Have a great Day💜

HI ROSE, great to hear from you! Oooh, great question! Old GMMTV Challenge shows that I was surprised by....

I think in general, shows that surprised me were ones whose reputations preceded them in various ways. More below:

1) I was surprised by how much I liked Make It Right (season 1 and season 2 thoughts here). It's still seen as a problematic show in many ways, and especially by the way the main ships of TeeFuse and FrameBook began their relationships (and there have been issues since 2016 about how young the actors were in their first BL roles). But I was really struck -- especially in the second season, but also many times in the first season -- by how empathic the show was to the confusion of young men discovering their sexualities. It was a wild and chaotic work by New Siwaj and Cheewin Thanamin (GOD, THEY WORKED TOGETHER ON THIS, crazy to acknowledge this now), and there were manyyyy points of the two seasons that made nonsense, à la Cheewin's modus operandi. But there was true heart in the show, and the last episodes of TeeFuse and FrameBook confirming their relationships just took me out (especially with FrameBook's ending serving as a preview of how King and Uea confirmed their relationship in Cheewin's future show, Bed Friend).

2) I was surprised by how much I LOVED LOVED LOOOOOOVVVEEEEDDDDDD Theory of Love. The word used the most to describe this show when I was crowdsourcing the OGMMTVC list was "controversial." And I watched it and within the first episode, I was like, "OOOOH WE ARE GETTING PLAYYYYYED," and I loved the show for it. I know X Nuttapong has had some non-wins in his drama list (e.g., Vice Versa), but I think X's Theory of Love and Cherry Magic Thailand were seriously so fucking amazing, and he clearly can do wonders with excellent screenwriting. Theory of Love was so subversive and smart, and I think it showcased the start of the real depth of the OffGun ship wonderfully. Those two rose to the occasion. I can't wait to rewatch it.

3) I was surprised by how much I jumped on my bed and was screaming YAAAAASSSS at Lovely Writer. I watched some of Tee Bundit's works out of order. I watched TharnType first and was like, NO. And THEN I fucking watched STEP BY FUCKING STEP after that, and I was like, FUCK this guy. But Lovely Writer has almost universal praise, so I took some time to breattthhhheee, and watched it, and I was like, OH, so that's why everyone was originally hyped on Step By Step. Lovely Writer was fantastic, easily Tee Bundit's best show (in my opinion) on his list (and I say this as a IFYLITA stan), and thank god for this show, because it made me then appreciate his cute cameos in War of Y, lol.

4) I was surprised by how obsessed I got over Until We Meet Again, because fuck series that are 17 episodes long, but I literally still feel like I can't get enough of this series? I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

5) I was super surprised to have enjoyed my recent rewatch of KinnPorsche so much! I thought I'd be all haterade over it, considering my newfound education, but honestly, it was funny in a lot of parts, well acted, obviously well shot -- it was a romp, and I was glad to make myself an excuse to rewatch it as my first-ever Thai BL.

6) Something else that has surprised me recently, not quite show-related: I have recently watched Secret Crush On You, and I'm watching War of Y currently, and: I am not sure that Seng Wichai has gotten enough of his flowers. It's interesting to me that some of the absolute BEST actors in this field -- Seng Wichai, Ohm Pawat, etc. -- have controversial reputations preceding them for life situations that don't comport to easy shipping, god fucking forbid. During both SCOY and Seng's turn on War of Y, I was seriously taken by how good this guy is, and I'm not sure, during my crowdsourcing work, if Seng was boasted about enough. This m'fer can ACT, and I love him for it.

7) Not at all surprising was how much I had to say about Bad Buddy. I loved writing this mini-series!

Thanks for the question, Rose!

[echoesofwisdomcountup]

26 Days until Tears of the Kingdom Release. I believe today is Orthodox Easter so happy Easter to those who celebrate. Also I hope everyone had a lovely weekend and that we can continue the hype for TOTK for the next 26 days.

Spoilers under the cut because I'm still not done with the trailer.

Pokemon Sword and Shield? Nah. Zelda Sword and Shield. I already love fuse so much. Sticking a royal claymore and royal shield together and then using that to parry an attack is insane.

At first I thought this thing was a Goron but upon a closer look it's got a symbol on it. I'm guessing this ball that moves so fast and leaves flames in it's wake is some sort of game/challenge that the Goron's cooked up. Probably minigame related, like the Challenge at Gut Check Rock or that one challenge where Link has to stand the heat.

The trampoline thing is so sick and seeing the other flying boats makes me think of how fun it would be to travel by bouncing from one to the other. Also Tulin is more grown up in this shot, proving that a few years have passed between BOTW and TOTK (at least Link and Zelda got some time to themselves before everything went to hell.) It's also my belief that just cause Link is flying with Teba and not Tulin does not mean something bad happened to Teba. I think Teba took over as Chief of the Rito so he's a bit too busy to pull stunts with Link.

Glowy hand. Also this sequence was so satisfying, even more so than a parry or a bomb. Octoroks always hit you at the most inconvenient of times so it's nice to uno reverse their attacks back at them. Also I wonder if reversing time on one object slows/stops time for everything around it as well but leaves Link free to move. I think that's how it works and if so then I'm looking forward to seeing how it can be used in combat against groups.

This looks like a neat side quest but also at the same time it reminds me of the escort mission in Twilight Princess. Hopefully this one is far nicer to me then than the TP quest.

Looks like Link really fused a rocket to his shield. Also he's on Eventide island with all his stuff so we probably won't see a repeat of that shrine quest, at least not on this island. I keep thinking about how funny it would have been for Majora's Mask Link to travel to the moon via rocket in order to fight Majora. Link technically already has experience with space travel of a sort so guess it's not surprising they finally gave him a rocket.

Speaking of space travel, MOON JUMPS. Yup, these steps absolutely have to deal with funky gravity and I'm sticking to that point (too many reactors keep saying time.) These steps also look like they lead to a giant platform, a perfect place for a boss fight, and with the weird goo in the background I'm guessing the boss fight is with the black and purple ink like alligator we see later in the trailer. If we are getting dungeons again, I wonder if this is part of one of the sky dungeons.

Nintendo saw that we loved mine carts in BOTW and decided to use them more. Thank you Nintendo. While I think this race with a construct is hilarious, I'm even more excited by the glimpse at an underground area and once with some sick lava falls. Also this reminds me of a roller coaster at an amusement park where there are duel tracks. Maybe they should make one of these in Super Nintendo land.

The amount of reactors I've seen start laughing once the trailer gets here is numerous. This mech battle, some may say the slowest and shittiest mech battle in history, truly showcases Aonuma's comment about how much room TOTK leaves for the player's imagination. I can't wait to craft my own shitty jousting robot and then see people on youtube make them cooler than I could ever dream. Also the new outfit that Link is wearing reminds me of a Roman Centurion.

This shot has an even cooler looking outfit. The horns and earrings are absolutely a reference to the unknown character already shown in the trailer. In general, I really like the look of this one and can't wait to acquire it. Then there is the ruby arrow. I hope that it doesn't do the same thing as fire chu chu jelly because I want Nintendo to give us a reason to use an expensive ruby for something other than outfit upgrades and rupees. Huh I wonder if some outfits are going to boost the effects of fusing materials to weapons/arrows. That would be interesting to see. Maybe an outfit boosts the magical effects of gems/minerals and in that case you would want to use rubies instead of chu chu jelly.

Speaking of fire chu chu jelly, I'm pretty sure that bokoblin is carrying some in a pack on his back. I assuming that some of the enemies will be throwing elemental jelly at us. Also what is that contraption Link and how did you get it up there? I wonder if he just levitated it into the camp using ultra hand and if he did then that bodes well for long range combat. Also pretty funny to drop a giant laser machine from the sky into the middle of a boko camp.

Giant ice leviathan and 100% a boss fight. I've heard some interesting arguments about this thing being related to the Great Hebra skeleton but part of me hopes not. It'd be tragic if Ganon corrupted a creature like Levias the flying whale from Skyward Sword. Levias was nice. Still, I can't wait to fight this thing. Also Link is wearing a new outfit with some very bright blue stuff (that Tulin also seems to have on him) that I'm assuming works like extreme antifreeze. However, I think the headpiece reminds me of the Statue of Liberty so I will not be able to take this outfit seriously.

Ok, thank you for reading today's piece of trailer analysis. Probably only two-ish more days to go before I finish the trailer in its entirety.

[salvatoreren]

I finally watched AOT's last episode and frankly, I am not okay, I have been sobbing a river oh my fucking god.

Anyways, it was really good, as expected of MAPPA anyway, I was pretty much crying the whole episode actually.

I have complaints, mostly because of the not included anime, little things like not having the flashbacks of Armin of reading a book in the rain, the squirrels etc. etc. I would have love to see them in the market and the way to the boy who sought freedom, goodbye was not implemented, I WAS WAITING FOR THAT COME ON

The anime only scenes were good too, like Levi giving food to the refugees, falco and gabi, i wish we saw their outfits tho, they slayed with that one.

the way they played 13 no fuyu, im killing myself, ive been listening to that shit since 2022 which mind you was when i was active once more in aot, the fucking flashbacks my god, that was so tragic RAHHH

i also saw aot's op, EREN WITH A BOW? EREN WITH A BOW!!! MIND YOU I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE HUNGER GAMES SO IMMEDIATELY IM LIKE YES YES IT'S GIVING KATNISS EVERDEEN, WITH WHAT HIM BEING HUMANITY'S HOPE, ESP WITH THE FIRE COMING OUT OF IT FORMING A BIRD

THE SAME BIRD WE SAW ON S4 ENDING 1, oh my god, the opening was really cool omg, it perfectly showcased eren's journey, what he went through, despite being absent in the final chapters, it still showed Eren was still the protagonist...Which isayama did not understand when he made 139

Yes, I am bitter still with the ending, no, I am not hearing anyone out and no, I am not going to pour my disappointments with it STILL, here because yeah.

It's such a shame that's the last and final time we'll ever see it, devastating tragedy omg.

ARMIN AND EREN'S FINAL INTERACTION, IM GLAD THEY MADE THEM HOLD HANDS, THANK YOU MAPPA, PLS THE WAY THEY'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND WILL BE WAITING FOR EACH OTHER IN HELL, GAGGED, IM DEAD, MY ROMAN EMPIRE FOR REAL

Now that's out of the way.

It's been a long and fun ride, regardless, the final season has been going for what three years, i've been with this series for three years, it was fun really it was, this series took such a simplistic and cliched approach then twisted into something more complex and truly gutwrenching. 2020 was nothing without AOT, in my opinion, watching AOT broadened my media consumption, yanked me into the anime world and i already have so many fandoms i'm in.

2020 was a hard time too, i couldn't have done it without this bloody series, god, i remember aboarding the train hype, everything was everywhere, fics, art, videos, memes etc. All those I read influenced my writing style, all those theories made me think more critically, those memes and videos of it made me laugh. It's funny how a series like this one comforted me so much.

I remember being so traumatized by the first episode i'm like who the fuck would ever like this series with this much blood and that night i immediately searched for eren fics because i was like who is this boy i like him, i fucking dreamt of the beast titan, all those nights racing with my sister who could finish the series first, i literally woke up at 4 just to watch it before she could.

Fucking terrified which of my favorite characters were going to die next, literally sobbing over armin's death, god and the mindfuck with Marley and Eldians and Subjects of Ymir in the fray oh my god.

Can I just say, I wouldn't be who I was without AOT? Even with my cynical behavior, it's all because of it.

2021 who i never fail to reiterate and think fondly is good because of AOT as well, I figured wow, the final season is coming back, I should rewatch it again and so the hyperfixation began, i was sick too, almost dying too actually, dengue is dangerous and it was just a fond memory because i was watching aot and i acted like i never had watch these scenes in my life and despite feeling like dying i felt okay.

I was so batshit crazy when part 2 came out, that was the one that was actually peak AOT don't lie, I was literally screaming like i was giving birth OVER AN OPENING AND AN ENDING, i'll never forget any of it.

When I cried watching the whole episode, it really just occurred to me that this is really the end for AOT, i was only ever able to go through it because I have the anime and it what really kept the whole fandom alive, the anime's honestly the reason why it had this many fans as you can see.

And again the way it's heartwrenching for it to just be a simple series and then it's full blown war, jean and reiner holding out to each other, remembering how they used to be close and comrades then betrayals and war happened and it's all ruined.

The devastating realization of seeing the last few panels animated, watching the end flash through the screen, realizing there was nothing out of this now, no more next episodes, no more hype, it's gone and it's so devastating because how happy it made you, the way you'll never see these characters again, only in rewatches or art. But it's not the same.

I admit I don't feel as hyperfixated over it now, after getting burnt out of it last year, even good things go badly sadly and i was just here for eren now, but doesn't change the fact this series has nurtured my quarantine, i grew up with this series even if it was only recent, who changed the trajectory of my life and had me find my paths.

I'll never forget these characters who made my life, who brought life to the story, even if they were just moved by the plot now, i'll always have a soft spot for AOT, i will always love it, regardless how much i hate it, there will always be fondness within it.

It's kind of weird, really to see Levi who has done so much to the fandom just by existing and being drawn and animated now cease to exist? I suppose, looking at him feels weird like imagine comparing 2014 levi to 2023 levi now omg, that's where you really begin to realize how much time has passed and how much AOT has evolved AGAIN JKSDHJ

well, i'm still on eren's side, still hate what happened to him but i'll always love him, he is such an important character to me, i don't think i truly ever loved someone like him despite representing the total opposite of me, he just had that charm i suppose, his views are so hauntingly beautiful, idealistic, him representing hope, despite what he did, in the end he did what he could for himself and for his people IN MY HUMBLE ONION

eren yeager i'll always love you

i'm kinda scared what would happen to this fandom now, will it die now? Will it live? I doubt, I haven't even finished my eren fic and lol, either way i hope someone will still enjoy AOT, i hope still there will be new watchers.

This is long but this is just how I really feelt about AOT which I wholeheartedly do love and cherish with all the memories and the pain it gave.

Thank you Isayama for this world, for these characters, for these mindblowing revelations about war, life and freedom, for the heartaches and the joy.

Thank you WIT for raising AOT and truly breathing life to it, for garnering fans for it to be more appreciated.

Thank you MAPPA for continuing WIT's legacy, you are not the same but still delievered, thank you for carrying the final season and the fandom on your back, may you sleep well and have your deserved pay.

Thank you for the voice actors who breathed those memorable lines to be used in edits.

Thank you Linked Horizon for coming back, aot was iconic because of your openings.

Thank you AOT for everything.

[regarding-stories]

The Quintessential Quintuplets movie (it's bad...)

So, I was really hyped and a bit scared about watching The Quintessential Quintuplets Movie on release day, and it was not a rewarding experience. Or rather, it was a decent movie for an hour and then it dive-bombed.

The cinema was one of the smaller ones in the cineplex and I'd say maybe forty people attended? I'm bad at guessing, but I think I heard a similar number when they counted the audience for a raffle. Guess what? After they let the proverbial cat out of the bag (not the raffle, the love interest resolution), two groups of in total five people left. I guess like me they hadn't known the resolution, either, and weren't thrilled.

So, spoilers going forward.

Delay tactics

The first thing we get is a trip to the pool together, and here's a first feeling of weirdness. Miku presents herself not only in a comparatively revealing bikini top... and remember, this is Miku:

So, she also teases Futaro with pulling her shoulder strap down. I was wondering if this was teasing a new streak in her? Or was it just gratuitous and out-of-character?

Itsuki wins the draw and gets to slide with Futaro, so I make a little mental check mark on her card. If you pay attention, Itsuki has been showcased a lot in the show in spots suggesting she will win the race.

What happens next is another hour of delay tactics. There's another school event, a three day festival where the school invites outsiders for fun and games. Futaro declares he loves them all (which was nice) and delays his decision to the end of the festival because he can't make up his mind. (Here we go again, final round.)

Miku impresses me then by her change. She asks Futaro on a date. In fact, she asks, in her usual way, something more forthright: Go with me - basically the "be my boyfriend" sentence. Remember, in the series she already said "I want you to take responsibility." which is another way of saying "be me boyfriend," then played for laughs. (The sentence used to mean "You impregnated me / took my virginity. I'm essentially damaged goods in this society. Now follow up with some responsibility." But apparently it's now only used for jokes in manga/anima - see also its use in "Uncle from Another World".) But then she takes a step back and modifies it with "Go with me on a date."

After this bit comes the actual meat of this movie, but the meat is salami. Because they cut yet another slice (in German "Salamitaktik" can mean to delay something or get the most out of it) of the same kind. We see how the festival goes in general, then get to see each heroines way through it, and then finally the girls force a resolution at the end.

But before we get there, we see also how each of the girls steals a kiss in their story. Incoming further spoiler: Itsuki is too awkward / proper to get hers and will forever miss out. That sucks.

And holy cow, Miku's kiss is... something else. I enjoyed that scene tremendously.

A resolution... yay....

We get to know the "winner." And as predicted I was heartbroken. It was really hard to see Miku cry. And till the end they played it out so you would think it would be Itsuki.

It's Yotsuba.

WTH?

Remember my last article?

"And after two seasons of this show I can't believe Yotsuba will be it, but they keep awfully quiet about her actual feelings, dammit."

I have to eat those words now. But also this resolution sucks and sucks hard. (It will get worse, though, no worries.) And not just because I'm butt-hurt. I am, though. From that moment onward the movie collapsed like a soufflé made by Miku. Old Miku. Not movie Miku. But I digress.

You see, I checked my watch, and we were one hour into the movie about. So the rest of the movie is denouement. Talk about letting the air out prematurely. And people didn't immediately leave at the resolution - they left more like when they noticed that now the most unconvincing part came.

If you, like me, watched the anime, you would see that Yotsuba was a bit side-lined in comparison. It can be refreshing that she never pushes herself into the foreground of the story, but she doesn't get much in the way of character development. (In a forum I just visited before writing this somebody said that that's great about her - she starts perfect. I don't know how the lack of any character arc can be a good thing...?) So this was really rather blindsiding. The thing is that Yotsuba barely presents herself as a girl or as a love interest. This makes this seem gimmicky and weak.

But what really drives this home is what happens next. She refuses Futaro, runs away, and we learn her story, and it commits several sins at once. It re-contextualizes the character. And it does so after the twist "ending." In other words, we largely get to know the story in hindsight. What is this? A heist movie? Fu*k dat.

You see, the Yotsuba we know is a ditz, right? And her failing her finals in another school makes the Nakano sisters join together and go with her. But here we learn why Yotsuba failed. Yotsuba wanted to be special and stand apart. First through her grades and studying hard - like she apparently promised herself and Futaro. And when the others discover their own strengths and she can't be best because everybody excels at different things, she ditches studying and joins all those clubs and excels at sport. To finally find recognition. And she ignores words of warning and the help of her sisters who care for her. She isn't happy for them. She's on an ego trip.

So, if you think Yotsuba always has been everybody's cheerleader? Now you know she supposedly wasn't. We are then to believe that this failure and her sisters stepping up for her changed her and she completely reversed character and became the one - within the school break - that would ditch her obsessive goal and become uncomplaining, cheerful genki girl that exists to serve.

This is just breaking the character altogether. Yes, people can change from having an event in their life that they deeply regret. But all of this happens off-screen and after-the-fact, making it unsatisfying. We are to believe that carefree and charming Yotsuba first changed Futaro's life, then became obsessed with the goal of being special, then changed her ways, ditched the goal entirely, and returns to her always cheerful ways? A way she left behind for years? It's like copy-pasting character development into the end.

I understood why people left. I played with the thought myself.

What drives this home even harder is that Yotsuba rejects Futaro. Her running away and him chasing after her puts even more spotlight on her childlike qualities and gives it a bit of a creepy note. Not because it makes him seem creepy, but somehow there seems to be such a difference between them that's hard to dismiss.

This is the character we've been told about (twice) that she still uses her panties from elementary school because she "takes care of her things." I really liked the anime series Yotsuba, but when the resolution comes, she really doesn't fit the mold she's cast in, and most of the rest of the movie is wasted into trying to convince us that that's the right choice.

It takes Nino to get the confession out of Yotsuba that she loves Futaro. After all the wallowing and moaning that she does not deserve this.

Love is random, fate decides everything

And what message does this "now we'll show you why" slideshow give us? That love is random and unpredictable? That the others never stood a chance because it was Yotsuba who met him in Kyoto and that this was fated and triggered his character development?

The movie makes it clear that Yotsuba could have reminded Futaro of them knowing each other on day one. She probably saw his name on the quiz she picked up. She knew his name from before. This is another lazy instance of "First Girl Wins" - but Yotsuba has no reason to not act on it, she could just remind him she knows him back then. This is set up as a mystery for later, leading to a rather lame reveal. As viewers (in season 2), we can keep track of who may have seen the photos and could realize that they know Futaro from before. But the reveal spoils that completely - Yotsuba never needed the hint to begin with. She knew. So the whole thing was played for naught. It devalues the beginning of the show, the initial scene, because it makes no sense.

Okay, she has a reason. Yotsuba sees herself as being the one that failed their promise. Fine. But she really doesn't say, over the course of 1.5 years, "Hey, you know, do you not remember me?" It all gets so unconvincing. And it's shoveled in from the back.

Maybe the movie sells this badly, after all adaptations are not necessarily true to their source material. They select and omit and change. But nowhere this part did it feel convincing or alright.

Then we get a pointless "all quintuplets" in a wedding dress rehash, with another instance of fake-pointing at Itsuki, and then the stealth letdown happens. Even five years later, after having grown into independent women that can follow their dreams (opening a restaurant as sisters, becoming a teacher, being a star) we see no hint that any of the other sisters have a man by their side. They're just not allowed to move on. It's said they will even join them on their honeymoon. (They conceivably could have boyfriends and so on, but that last bit makes that really unlikely.) So are they meant to be appendages forever?

This is not a happy end, it's downright depressing. Not only has fate at every turn decreed who gets to win, and not only has it been decreed ten years before the wedding who gets to wed, fate keeps the remaining four in the winner's wake. This is an ugly harem trope truth. Let them move on. Whom you had an unrequited crush on with 17 may or may not define you for life. But if you still have the same crush five years later on, something's wrong. Are we meant to believe that successful Ichika hasn't had suitors that changed her mind? That Nino wouldn't cut her losses? That Miku, once out her shell, wouldn't move on with her life? That Itsuki wouldn't want a family of her own? It seems like they all got suspended in amber almost. You don't meet a decent guy in college? When running your own business? When traveling the world doing films?

What didn't suck

As I said, up until the "resolution" the movie is quite decent, carefully rehashing the "it must come to a head during event X" recipe it has tried before.

Itsuki has a story arc with her biological father and suddenly her stepfather, Mr Nakano, in spite of still looking like a snake, takes on more human qualities. Not only did he step up when the actual dad ran out on the mother, he also tries (within his limitations) to follow Nino's invitation to the festival. And we see that he listened to Nino's wishes in the past and would get her into cooking. He's never shown as being able to connect to others in a heart-to-heart way, but he tries in his own way to be good. Which adds more to Nino and things she only hinted at before.

Also the scene where Nakano gives Futaro his blessing is great. The man has the expression of a robot, and the joke of "don't call me father" repeats. But only because he thinks he doesn't deserve to be called that and is uncomfortable with this. We also get to see how Futaro got the job since Uesugi and Nakano were classmates.

We get another arc of Miku becoming more assertive. But since she steps out of her shell twice in a row it feels forced and overdone. But it's still good seeing her take things in her own hands.

The fact that Yotsuba collapses from trying to do everybody's job at the festival is very much in tune to her previous character. And that all the people she helped out come together to help her out is a thing of beauty - it comes late but is not any less satisfying.

What didn't work

Nino as center of an idol group. At least in the anime we never saw her doing any of that before. Seems sudden and hence unconvincing. She certainly has the outward confidence to try, though. It seems like the kind of thing you stuff into a movie to fill time - thankfully it was short.

It's hinted that Ichika gets private lessons from Futaro because of the school she misses due to her acting job. But after mentioning it, it then leads to nothing. She seems to suffer a bit from "Why are you still here" altogether, becoming an ever remote character - until she leaves Japan entirely. She gets to make up for her meddling in season 2.

A fight between boys and girls about what food stall to run? And that's the bad drama Miku has to resolve? She does well, but it's weak.

Audience laughs were few and far between. I laughed more than I heard laughs from others.

The movie basically wastes its second hour altogether. The fact that the movie has to go on and on to justify the chosen resolution makes the weakness all the more glaring. The movie is listed at 136 minutes runtime and could have ended after 80. We get a wedding speech from Yotsuba that reminds us what we already know about her sisters, except we hear it from her.

So there we have it. It ends all with the excitement of a whoopie cushion, especially if you sit on it for another hour. And the rotten thing is that I like Yotsuba, it's just that there seems to lead no way from A to B. All the scenes meant to justify that Yotsuba is the one are when she is a kid. And when we see her at the end, she still feels like a kid. It never felt like we truly got a real romantic arc with her, just an outing to the playground. And while the original scene at the playground was nice and in tune, when they revisit the playground it somehow doesn't work for me, either. The first time felt innocent and true, the second time... flat. (Him breaking the swing got an audience laugh.)

And that's how it is. If you set up an inevitable choice, there will be disappointment. So some hearts would always have been broken. And the scene where Miku cries and they join together as sisters in heartbreak was really bad for me - not a bad scene, it was actually a good one. Where Miku basically announces the dream they all had is over. Given the setup this was unavoidable. And no other character could carry this better.

The thing, however, you can do as an author is to lead a path towards that ending instead of spending lots of time on other characters and then shouting "Gotcha!" at the end. (Here the makers of the anime might share some blame in their choice of material.) Ironically fiction is held to stricter standards than life here because we fear the randomness. In a story we want the satisfaction of having seen it coming, it being inevitable. Nothing here feels like that. It has the charm of five puddings being thrown to the wall and one stuck.

The story of "I can't decide, I can't decide" has ended with "I know, I'm absolutely sure, and will be sure forever and ever after". Are you convinced?

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

@mykkjae asked me to rank my top 10 BTS songs, so I'm thinking of doing 2 rankings: my 10 "best" and my 10 favorite.

My 10 best BTS songs:

First Love: I think this song is a masterpiece - a brilliant showcase of storytelling - and it's not even Suga's best song. I love that it has a narrative: Suga is telling us the story of his first love, and the way his rap gets more intense and expressive until the song reaches its climax, like he's sharing something personal to him and his feelings build up until they overflow and spill over before naturally resolving themselves as the song reaches an end. I love the violin. The piano is Suga's first love but the violin is more predominant in the song. I just think that the song is totally brilliant.

Tear: This song is another masterpiece. I love Suga's part the most, the one that goes "Yeah yeah yeah, burn it [...]" and then he goes into an iconic, autotuned rap. But everyone sounds great and the lyrics are great too.

ON: This song has both everything that is great about kpop and everything that is missing in kpop. The performance is dramatic, on a whole other scale from Western pop, the song has amazing vocals (Jungkook's bridge,, and his best adlibs ever) and amazing choreo (so original and memorable). It also has super meaningful lyrics ("find me and I'm gonna live with you" -> "find me and I'm gonna bleed with you" = me mindblown), a choir, good and diverse rap, and a performance that are above the average for kpop songs. This song is just so grandiose and fun and everything that is great about pop in general. This is BTS's Bohemian Rhapsody imo.

Black Swan: This is one song everyone loves (like Spring Day), and it was game-changing: the lyrics are meaningful and relatable, the concept is so artistic and honest, the choreography is unbelievable and took them to another level (it showed Jimin in a new light and really allowed him to shine too), the song itself sounds so different, pretty and elegant yet snappy, the MV is simple yet gorgeous, etc..

Idol: This is my song. I love everything about it: the crazy rhythm, the lyrics, the choreo, the performance. To me this is their hypest song and I feel each beat in my soul. I also believe this is the song that captures their love yourself theme the best. Imo, the answer to "how to love myself", in LY: Answer, is Idol: first, you acknowledge the reasons you don't love yourself (in BTS's case, the stigma and stereotyping that comes with being an idol, and how RM and Suga in particular always felt they were less as artists because they were idols), second, you choose to be kind to yourself: you realize that what others think of you doesn't define you (you can call BTS idols, artists, whatever you want, but they know who they are, what they want and you can't stop them for loving themselves), and that you are more than your perceived or real flaws - everyone has qualities, and recognizing them and all the reasons you are worthy of love, is a huge part of loving yourself (like JK says, he loves himself - his fans, his dance, and his what, and like V says, there's a multitude of Vs inside of him but all of them are him and he can embrace them and be his fullest self); third, you need a fierce, aggressive attitude, because loving yourself is a long-term commitment and you need to force yourself to change your way of thinking (this attitude is best represented by Jimin yelling out "You can't stop me loving myself." throughout the song).

Fake Love: Amazing lyrics, amazing choreo, a turning point for BTS.

No More Dream: One of the best debut songs ever. Apart from their rap/singing which has improved a lot, the song is timeless.

Fire: Maybe this is an unconventional choice, but I think this song is amazing. Hype songs can be just as good as sentimental ones.

Go Go: Is it a satire? Are BTS criticizing or embracing consumerism (both?), I'm not sure, but the lyrics are still super clever, the choreo is refreshing and fun, and overall Go Go is just a fun, catchy song with a bite to it.

Spring Day: This song actually isn't one of my favorites, but it's so beloved by BTS and by the fans that it ended up being meaningful to me too. Its longevity shows that the song has something unique and special about it. The lyrics are comforting, the MV is beautiful, the song is pretty and magical...

Now, my top 10 favorite songs, kinda:

Idol

ON

First Love

Black Swan

Tear

Fire

Fake Love

Go Go

Butter

Mic Drop?

I'll include my top 10 bsides, because that might be more interesting:

First Love

Black Swan

Tear

Go Go

Dope

Mic Drop

Airplane Pt. 2

Baepsae

Spine Breaker

You Never Walk Alone

Honestly, there are a lot more songs that I like just as much as those (My Time, Run, Your Eyes Tell, Film Out) but those were the ones I remembered... This got too long, sorry!

[crystal-moon-101]

A while ago I did a headshot collection of some of the main Ben 10 Next Gen characters, like Ben's son, or Gwen's daughter, and all that. They weren't all the characters that have been made, so here I made a second collection! These, plus the previous headshot, are all the characters me and my friend have so far for this world. There will most likely be more in the future, but enjoy these folks for now. I'll give a brief description on all of them, but feel free to ask questions if you wanna know more about these characters! I'll be starting from left to right per row. Also, for those unaware, the next gen takes place in the same world as the Ben 101 Rewrite, so if some things don't add up, that's probably why. -Peyton Tennyson- The 24-year-old son of Camille and Joel. A human/lenopan hybrid, Peyton's birth was considered a big event between the peace of the lenopans and the plumbers. Calm, collected, and consider a brother figure to most due to how approachable he is, Peyton is a very soft spoken and sweet young man, always lending a hand to anyone who needs it, believing in giving without the want of receiving. Though admittedly this does lead him to be a bit ditzy about his own self care, and is pretty oblivious at hints given to him to take a breather. -Trapez, Cieven & Aegls-The 172-year-old sons of Divi, and nephews of Azmuth. These three were born while Azmuth was away in isolation, working on the omnitrix, so he had no knowledge of them until he returned home. Their father also left before their birth, leaving Divi to raise them as a single mother, but she took it in her stride. Together the three of them are mischievous, curious and eager to have fun, causing some problems in the labs, but they have their differences. Trapez is the best when it comes to emotions and the psychology behind it, something most Galvans struggle with, and can come across as the kindest of the three. Cieven has a lot of traits from Divi and Azmuth, being fairly intelligent and wanting to be a lot like his uncle someday, though does have some of their sarcastic nature as well. Aegls is the most energetic of the three, hype up often and quick with crafting and thinking of ideas. -Mia Tennyson-The adopted 18-year-old daughter of Kenneth and Deon (OC). Mia was found at an adoption centre when she was young, and the couple feeling they were ready to raise a family. Being the oldest among the cousins (Besides the Baby Chills) of Jay, Thea and her own sister, Mia is not one to take crap, and be the one to step in when dealing with problems, having been quite mature for her age since she was young, though still has her moments. She's rather smart and wise, working hard to give herself a good life, and while she can be stern towards her younger family members, she's always one quick step away to defend and protect them from anyone. And she's not someone you want to be on the bad side of. -Lyn Tennyson- The adopted 12-year-old daughter of Kenneth and Deon (OC). Unlike her older sister, Lyn was not planned in the slightest. Mia was handed a baby Lyn by a stranger on the streets when she wandered from her parents, and merely assumed this meant she now had a baby sister. Ken and Deon of course weren't gonna just leave a poor child on the streets, and were willing to take her in to adopt her. Raising Lyn was not easy though, her conductiod side causing many problems, Ken often having to call Ben over for help. But despite it all they stuck through it, and she is a proud member of the Tennyson family. Lyn is often stubborn and impulsive, dealing with insecurities, and just not being good with her words and emotions. But she has a lot of energy to showcase, and likes being involved in things, including a passion for music. -Desic- The 37-year-old son of Neriulea (OC) and step-son of Abacas (OC). Neriulea had her son with a toxic ex, leading to Desic to be rather protective of his mother from a young age. So when finding her going out with the First Thinker's new student, Abacas, you can imagine his distaste for a while. But eventually Abacas got Desic to warm up to him, especially when seeing his mother so happy with someone. Desic even welcomed the idea of adopting all his younger siblings, and has become quite the family man. He can seem standoffish to people, but is quite kind, gentle and patient, perhaps just a little stern and too honest at times. -Zenium- The adopted 16-year-old son (FtM) of Neriulea (OC) Abacas (OC). Admittedly the pair had not thought about adopting, but Neriulea had a habit of picking up young orphans she couldn't help but want to take in and mother, Zenium being the first. Abacas had been helping a field trip on galvan prime for a Plumber run orphanage, with Neriulea helping that day. She ended up being distracted by Zenium, who was so keen to ask her many many questions about galvans and galvan prime, and basically any question he had ever thought of. Smitten by his cuteness, and his clear intelligence, next thing Abacas knew they were signing the adoption papers. Zenium, like most his species, has a hummingbird brain, but he uses it to be a bit of an overachiever, always completing tasks, finding work to do, and doing tests and experiment, finding that he fits quite well on galvan prime. -Armophous- The adopted 15-year-old child of Neriulea (OC) Abacas (OC). Armophous is what necrofriggins call 'late/early winter' children, that being necrofriggin kids that are not born during the correct time/cycle. It's fairly common for late/early winter children to die off early, being born at a time not suited for children. Neriulea and Abacas found them barely alive while out in an expedition in space, having been trying to study a meteor shower, finding Armophous on a long rock. They would have most likely died without their help, and due to the many sleepless nights the couple put into nurturing them back to health, it was only a matter of time before they considered the child their own. Armophous is rather quiet, not having a lot to say, preferring to stick close to a family member and have them do the speaking, many suspecting their near-death experience causing some separation anxiety. But Armophous is quite smart, noticing things that many wouldn't pay attention to, taking life slowly to take in the details around them. -Atrella Ame- The adopted 13-year-old daughter of Neriulea (OC) Abacas (OC). Much like her siblings, Atrella was not planned for, but fate decided otherwise. She was found looking for food in a galvan storage wharehouse, very far from the Anur System. No one knows exactly how she got here, their best guess that she somehow got into a shipment system from the Anur System, all the way to Galvan Prime, and from what they could get out of her, it seems like she didn't have any family waiting back home either. Due to the bad image Anur aliens have, Neriulea fear that no one would take Atrella in, and convinced Abacas to adopt the young girl, given their experience with having many different alien children. Unlike most of her kind, Atrella is a pacifist, and hates getting involved with fights, instead loves science like most of her family, studying animal science and biology. She's a cuddly, sweet young girl, who loves making friends, though faces a lot of problems due to how people view her people, and Anur aliens in general. But she keeps her head high, and does her best to seem friendly. -Aurora Mann- The 17-year-old daughter of Lucy. Having never settled down, nor wanting to, Lucy did have an adventurous dating life as a Plumber. One night she hit it off with who she thought was a lenopan like her, but it wasn't until she eventually found she was pregnant, had her daughter, and discovered her child had the spark, did she realize that she ended up sleeping with an anodite. But she took it in her stride, and was happy enough being a single mother, getting help from Gwen whenever anodite problems came up. Aurora, like her mother, likes being a jokester, eager to make people laugh and keep spirits high, and being affectionate towards those she's close with. She does struggle with negative things in life, eager for things to be positive, which can cause problems, but she knows how to get a good laugh out of someone at the end of the day. -Disa Mann- The adopted 15-year-old child (Bigender) of Lucy. While on a Plumber mission, Lucy ran into a young Disa while on patrol, the splixon causally walking up to her and asking what she was doing. This lead to Disa spending time with Lucy on her patrols, chatting and enjoying each other's company, Lucy even began bringing extra food with her to have some snacks with the kids. It didn't take her long to learn that while Disa was a local kid, she actually didn't have a family, being a street kid. So by the time Lucy was done with her mission, she had formed a bond with Disa, and couldn't leave him behind. She offered to take him home, which Disa eagerly agreed to, becoming Lucy's second kid. Disa is rather chill for a splixon, her kind of pranks and jokes being to appear out of nowhere to scare people, or intentionally being weird to confuse people. Due to being from the streets, he also has a habit of taking things without asking, but doesn't mean any harm and will give back if asked. -Kelly Mann- The adopted 9-year-old daughter of Lucy. Kelly was originally the daughter of a good friend of Lucy's, a teammate she had on her Plumber squad. Unfortunately a mission went wrong, resulting in the death of this friend, and Lucy, wanting to honor her friend, adopted her child, Kelly having been just an egg still during all of this. While Lucy had held herself high when having the other two kids, she did admittedly struggle quite a lot with Kelly, due to the emotional connection to her mother, and the guilt behind what happened. It didn't help that was Kelly grew out of her grub stage, she was destructive like most Orthopterran, but Lucy made it work, having family to back her up. Kelly is a chaotic, but lovable young girl, with so much energy to spend, and you can't help but smile when being around her, and the energy she radiates. -Cyra Albright- The 12-year-old daughter of Alan and Idalia (OC). Having been close with Ester, Alan met his eventual wife through her, meeting Idalia the Kraaho. Their daughter takes on a lot of Alan's traits, being hardworking, a little unsure, but eager to do the right thing, things never sitting well for her if she can't solve a problem. Though due to being young and unsure, she does often need someone with her to bring out her confidence, being more suited for teamwork than solo work. She prefers hanging out with slightly older teens than kids her age, people like Jay being the few exceptions. -Tiffin- The 32-year-old son of Cicely. Having been saved by Ben as a baby, Tiffin got to grow up as the first born prince to become king in his people, and he made many changes along the way, Ben and his mother backing him up the entire time. Tiffin is a kind, graceful ruler, but will stand up for himself and his people if others dare try and push him, tired of seeing what kind of trash his people were put through. For heaven's sake, he was offered a peace tribute and almost eaten as a baby. It is a stressful job though, with many not liking the changes, or not sure how to approach them at the very least. But Tiffin doesn't let anything slow him down. He is also very much a mama's boy, and gives his mother anything to make her happy, knowing all the hardship she had to grow through when he was young. -Aife Redwind- The 17-year-old daughter of Looma. As the current heir to the Redwind throne, Aife is a star child just like her mother, always training, always learning, and always eager to be the best. But she is a humble woman, in fact she loves being a couch for others, wanting people to be the best they can be, even if she can go a little too hard into the cheering and eagerness. She is a prime example of her people's culture, and all that they stand for, though Aife is more focused on improving her people than conquering more land. But the call to battle isn't lost on her, and as a true warrior she is always willing to throw down. -Nastas Green- The adopted 15-year-old son (FtM) of Kai and Ester. Nastas was found by Kai during her trip to Pyros, having been called by them to help them research and old underground temple they found. Kai caught Nastas trying to steal some old artifacts, revealing he wanted to sell them to get food, as he lived on the streets at the time. Not about to let someone take important artifacts, she was quick to take them back, though Ester stepped in and got Nastas some food, despite his obvious distrust. While Kai was unsure, she eventually came around to being nice to the kid, knowing he was having a rough life, Kai even being the one to pick up on that fact he ran away from home, not being abandoned. Nastas didn't reveal a lot about his original home life, but Kai and Ester know it wasn't good. Not wanting to leave the poor kid, they took him back to earth in hopes to help him find a family, which somehow ended up being them. Due to his history, it took a lot of trial and error for Kai and Ester to figure out the family lifestyle with him, but he's settled in over the years. Stubborn, not the best at socializing, and can be quite honest, Nastas can be hard to make friends with, but if you put in the time, many find that he is soft underneath, and has a lot of wisdom to share, trust just being a hard concept for him. -Kadota- The 20-year-old daughter of Subdora and Exo-skull. Having been born into the life of time-travel, Kadota is a world hopping, time gal who loves adventure. Since her family by then was working under Paradox, she became an assistant to the man, a student even. She loves doing missions for him, often using stealth to get around problems. She has a charming personality, having fun when doing her jobs, even if she may get a bit carried away. She considers Eon to be her uncle, and despite his usual personality, like her mother he has a soft spot for her, giving her tips and tricks to help on the field. -Eternal King Rian Driscoll- The 40-year-old son of Driscoll. Like Charlotte, Rian ended up remaking his own Forever Knight faction, becoming he Eternal King. But unlike Charlotte, he has the opposite plans to her. He hates aliens, and anything related to them, doing anything in his powers to try and drive them away from places on earth, even out of earth he needed. He doesn't do this without his reasons, from his perspective outside forces have done so much damage to earth, what with countless alien invasions, Ben drawing villains to earth, and even his and Charlotte's fathers being killed by a demon from another world. He can't trust outsiders, after what aliens have done to earth, and refuses to listen to reason. Him and Charlotte often butt heads over what humans need and want, and how to approach the alien side of things. -OneOne- The 18-year-old youngest brother of the number bounty hunters. Being the final child of his family, Oneone has a lot to do to catch up with his siblings. He handles a lot of tech stuff, upgrading weapons, tools and learning a lot of hacking skills. He's often arrogant though, and not a team player, even when working with his siblings, much to their annoyance. EightEight has often forced him to work on some team missions with Jay and his group, EightEight calling in favours from Ben. OneOne gets frustrated during these events, and will be vocal about his annoyance, though there are moments that show he can be a team player, and has the potential to be something more, but ends up being lazy about it. -Rigel- The 16-year-old apprentice of Psyphon. At one point, a Zaroffian woman joined Psyphon's team, seemingly in desperate need for money. She was fairly distant, though Psyphon did his best to respect her and managed to get her to warm up a little, Psyphon hoping to make her a permanent member of the team. That was, until, she tragically died during a raid gone wrong. Feeling responsible, Psyphon thought the best thing he could do was go clean up her home, to keep her valuable safe before anyone tried stealing anything. But whoops! Turns out she had a child, Rigel, which cause a lot of internal conflict for Psyphon. On the one hand, he's not running a daycare, on the other hand, Rigel is just a kid, one who lost their mother on Psyphon's watch. So he took the kid under his wing, mentoring Rigel, though it is far from perfect. Rigel is a typical moody, seemingly uncaring teen, often on their phone and watching Psyphon suffer as a leader many, many times. Rigel often hangs out with Dotti and Risley, being their only friends, and being that group's only braincell many times. -Gabrielle Nocturne- The 13-year-old daughter of Jennifer and Hervé. Gabby is the best friend of Jay and Renata, the trio being close due to their many playdates growing up. Being a girly girl and proud of it, Gabby loves pink, dressing up and most feminine things, having been the one Jay learnt a lot of makeup tips from. Inspired by her mother's acting career as a kid, Gabby became a child model, despite her mother's concerns at first. But with some reasoning from Hervé, Jennifer eventually agreed as long as her and Hervé got to pick what she got involved with, being responsible so that their daughter doesn't get caught up in anything like Jennifer once had been. This has led Gabby to being a bit of a child star, but with her family looking out for her, she's often felt safe in her line of work, plus, dressing up is fun. -Aleena- The 15 year-old teammate of Feike. Aleena and her older sister were raised to basically be living weapons, their parents strict, letting people hire their kids to do jobs or even assassinate people. Though her older sister was clearly the favourite, Aleena getting more of the harsh treatment from her parents. She ended up running into Feike when they both had the same mission, and seeing the kind of situation she was in, offer her a way to ditch and join him instead. While she hesitated at first, she eventually decided to screw her family over and became the first member of Feike's squad, working under Sciros who was keen to use her abilities. Aleena is cold and calculated, her training dug deep into her. She doesn't like fooling around on the job, preferring to get things done perfectly. She has a lot of unusual knowledge, including how to kill someone pretty fast, but she's found some amusement using this knowledge to scare people, just a bit. -Pallana- The 15 year-old teammate of Feike. Pallana was traded over by her family to became a slave on her homeworld as a child, so had an awful childhood being treated like nothing. She ended up finding Feike one day sneaking into the home she was in, stealing something, and instead of ratting on him, she ended up helping him steal what he wanted as pitty revenge on the homeowners. Seeing the skill she has, and not liking the home life she had, Feike was quick to offer her a place on his team, which she eagerly agreed to, finding the thrill of the whole mission to be a delight. Once joining Feike and working under Sciros, her true colours shined, being bright, playful and always looking to have fun. She's considered the most sociable out of the team, and doesn't let her past weigh her down in her life anymore. -Arlic- The 16 year-old teammate of Feike. Arlic was originally part of one of the richest families on his homeworld, meaning he had a lot to live up to. Problem was, he was the middle child among many, and I mean many siblings, to the point his parents didn't even known his name. He was so use to feeling alone, neglected, and lost that he has a bad habit of thinking he's not worth anything, despite his royal-like background. It wasn't until he got caught up in a mission Feike, Aleena and Pallana were own by mistake that he felt something other than depression in such a long time. He was the one who asked them if he could join, knowing full well his family wouldn't miss him, being right when Sciros showed him later on that they hadn't even noticed he was gone. Arlic is quiet, proper and not the best at putting himself first. He tends to let the others speak, but they often ask him to speak his mind too, helping him out of his shell over the years together.

-Wes- The 14 year-old teammate of Feike. Wes doesn't remember much of his young life, only that he was taken in by a cruel caregiver, who merely used Wes as a test subject, his polymorph biology being a point of interest by the man. Wes went through a lot of abuse and torment by the time Feike and the others found him, sickened by the treatment he went through, and brought him back with them. This has lead Wes to being a bit of a stuttering shy mess, getting caught up in his words or nervous when taking on jobs alone, but he has a very soft, caring side to him, and is very supportive towards his friends, and in return they are very protective of him.

-Sereia Murray- The 15-year-old daughter of Cash Murray and Sphyraena (OC). Her parents met when Sphyraena crashed Cash's beach party during a trip she on to earth for her studies. Sereia is very much an ocean gal, what with her fish side, and her father's fishing industry, it's only natural for her. She's loud, proud, and isn't afraid to speak her mind, having a job as a life guard on the local beach. She can be scary to most when first meeting her, due to her alien side, those her know her know she's just a party loving, out there woman, with a lot of confidence to show. She's not good with boredom, and will do anything to entertain herself.

-Becky Armstrong- The 18-year-old daughter of Manny and Helen. Being quite the hybrid of powers, Becky was a lot for her parents growing up, having so much energy to spare while being able to break down walls just by running into them, she was quite the handful. Thankfully as she got older she was easier to manage, being quite the responsible person. She now runs her own Plumber rookie team, with Aurora, Cyra and Channer being her teammates, and rivals with the Omni Squad, that being Jay, Malax, Thea and Rilla. Becky takes her role as leader seriously, making sure her team is in tip top shape, even a bit of a clean freak. Though despite being fun rivals with the Omni Squad, she may or may not have picked up a little nagging crush on the the other team's medical expert. But it's whatever, she can handle it. -Luca Grandsmith- The adopted 13-year-old son of Eddie and Todd. Wanting to finally start a family, and Eddie needing and heir, it was no surprise when they brought home a child they adopted, something they had been planning for a long time. Luca takes on a lot from his father Eddie, being clean, sharp, mature, stern, and knowledgeable, willing to take on a lot of work when it comes to being the heir to his father's business, even if Eddie often hesitates, afraid to give Luca the same childhood he once had. Thankfully Todd is a good middle ground, and Luca has learnt a lot about compassion from his dad, in fact between that and all the work Eddie has put into Omnitrix city, Luca is quite passionate towards the work of helping humans and aliens crossover, upgrading earth to join the galaxy.   -Channer Daniels- The 15-year-old child (Genderfuild) of Cooper. Having their father's power, Channer is quite intelligent, an a master with tech, often crafting, researching and building. Channer also has a dry wit sense of humor, and enjoys teasing people, finding it easy to get a rise out of most. They are honest in the way they speak, with a confidence about them so they lack hesitation. They're known to spend countless hours or even days locked away working on projects in secret, often having to be dragged away by friends to go see some sunlight. -Pandora- The 14-year-old daughter of Attea. Being very similar to her mother, Pandora is a spoiled princess and she knows it very well, often showing off and eager to get what she wants. She's not afraid to speak her mind, and holds a lot of pride, the perfect heir to Attea, having a lot of fun banters with her mother. She likes to out on the field often, mostly alone, since she enjoys the thrill and journey of it. Especially since paperwork and long meetings aren't her kind of thing. Her daredevil needs making her do just about anything to have some fun. -Khafi'shara- The 20-year-old daughter (MtF) of Ra'ad. Unlike the other Andromeda members, Ra'ad ended up settling down and starting a family of his own, mostly due to looking back on his life and not enjoying where he stood. Despite his scars from Aggregor, and his coward nature, he did he best to be a father to his daughter, and Khafi loves her father. She's a bubbly, friendly and out there girl, having joined in building a bigger bridge between Andromeda and the Milky Way. Her father wants to make sure he becomes nothing like him, despite her looking up to him, causing some awkward moments between the two, but are always there for each other nonetheless. -Sebastian Lightveil- The 18-year-old son of Antonio and Sunny. Despite all the disapprovement towards the couple, they eventually had a kid and proved they could have a happy and stable family. Well, stable as one could be which such a chaotic couple. Seb's parents raised him with a lot of freedom, not wanting their child to feel restricted like they had felt as a kids, which while that does allow Seb to be who he is, sometimes it can cause him to be a little unawaren to the destruction he may cause. He has his parents need for adventure, and with his anodite side he is often out and about looking for things to find, fight or collect. But he's not cruel or mean as most would think, in fact he's very lovable, and always visits his family to spend time with, no matter where in the galaxy, often appearing without notice. -Ta-Las- The 19-year-old student of Eunice. Ta-las was taken under Eunice's wing when she wanted to become a mentor, planning on retiring from being Azmuth's bodyguard, Ta-Las eagerly accepting the role. He is quite respectable, loyal and wise, willing to learn and hear people out, a bit of a stickler for the rules and keeping things in order. Because of his upbringing, he hasn't venture outside of his homeworld or Galvan Prime that often, so he does lack experience with the outside world, something Eunice is hoping to change. -Star- The 33-year-old friend of Arlo. Star was adopted but a group of Laconereals, having been abandoned by their siblings due to being mute and unable to keep up with them. Star was accepted into their adopted family quickly, and has never felt out of place among them. They were eventually discovered by Arlo when they were practicing their anodite magic in space, Star coming up behind Arlo out of curiosity. Eager to get to know this myterious figure, Star became Arlo's first proper friend outside of their siblings. Star is a curious, playful and adventurous person, contrasting Arlo's quiet, shy and soft nature.

[natalie-k-pan]

10 Ways the Loki show Disappointed Me

part two

6) The trailer was misleading advertising. Marvel’s done it in the past with little to no backlash:

Iron Man 3 presenting the Mandarin as the ultimate foe for Tony to defeat, only to find out he’s a charlatan in a minor role.

Falcon and Winter Soldier was presented as a light-hearted buddy adventure, only to tackle darker themes about nationalism and racism. (Not saying that those themes were bad, just that the TFAWS’s trailer was not truthful to the story).

In the case of Loki, the trailer presented the plot as Loki making time-traveling shenanigans and being captured for breaking the timeline. They included the D.B Cooper clip, and the scenes of Loki in New York and as king in Asgard. These clips never show up in season 1. The D.B Cooper scene was a off-the-cuff moment, and the highly-anticipated (imo) President Loki was around for five minutes.

The trailer shows the storyline being about Loki breaking the timeline, with Mobius saying in a voiceover, “You picked up the tesseract, breaking reality. I want you to help us fix it.”

Marvel’s publicity team knew what story we would want to see from the character. And that’s not what we got: it was a mix of Loki tagging along with Sylvie to take down the Timekeepers, and detective-esque  scenes of trying to overthrow the TimeKeepers. 

It was never about Loki having an adventure, breaking the timeline, and having to fix it.

There’s a difference between having scenes that don’t make it into the final product, between not revealing enough of the story to spoil plot twists...and deliberately choosing certain scenes and quotes  to present a false version of the story.

I guess Marvel was worried that no one would watch it if they showed us the real product.

7)    Loki’s powers were wildly inconsistent, especially compared to what we’ve seen before.

In the past, we’ve seen Loki do illusions, duplication casting and in Thor 2, some very light telekinesis. After hearing of his mother’s death, he throws several pieces of furniture in into the cell walls with his mind. This is after losing the person who probably mattered most to him at the time, and feeling responsible for her death--it’s a powerful move showing his magical capabilities.

In the show, in Episode 3 we see him pull a Roomba towards himself in order to use it as a shield during a fight--pretty in-line with what we saw in the Dark World.

One episode later, an entire flipping tower is falling towards them, and he reverses it with his mind alone.

It was in the face of death, you say. Of course he was going to pull some cool new magical move.

Sure. In the face of death, I could see him jumping from throwing chairs to something heavier, like maybe a crumbling wall or a fruit stand.

BUT A TOWER?

 WHY?

 HOW??

He’s never done anything on that scale magically. In episode 2, he got tossed around by a (human) Alabama man. Why would he not use that move to bring the roof crumbling down if he was fighting for his life then?

So he’s got massive telepathic power when a building is falling but can’t use it in a fight against regular people.... okay?

Honestly, due to the fact that they’ve weakened him so much, and when Loki said, “I think we’re stronger than we realize”, I’m betting Season 2 will include Loki discovering the extent of his magical powers. 

 I don’t like this idea because again, it contradicts the previous canon. In Thor 1, Hogun literally calls Loki a “master of magic”. He went toe-to-toe with Thor and the Avengers and now can’t beat regular humans. A thousand+ year old being unaware of his own untapped potential doesn’t seem correct (yeah, they did that with Thor in Ragnarok, I know).

This Loki’s power levels jump up and down according to the plot, trying to make us believe that due to his spoiled past, Loki needs to apply himself to learn more about his powers.

 8)  Loki was out of character.

His lying and scheming was way too obvious. I was incredibly confused the first couple of episodes because it would be strange how he would be a pathetic buffoon  one minute and yet The only moment I was sold on his competence as a liar was episode 2 at the renaissance fair where he attempts to fool  the TVA. He was actually competent for once, but he gets caught, and goes into apologizing and sucking up 30 seconds later.   

He gets drunk when they’re on the mission on Lamentis. This didn’t make sense--when he was trying to conquer Earth, he had the opportunity to also goof off and he’s always been shown to take things seriously, with the exception of Ragnarok.                                                 

The “I’m a narcissist” scene. While Loki is the type to crave attention--in Avengers, Tony calls him a diva who wants his name plastered to the skies--it comes from a place of feeling overshadowed, never able to match his brother Thor.  Which we can see has some basis:

In Thor 1, his adopted parents raised him to hate his race,

lied to him about it,

 and when he was hanging over an wormhole, his father finally rejected him.

In Avengers, Thor tells him in  that his slights are “imagined”. 

 Thor 2, his adopted father told him his “birthright was to die”.

While it doesn’t excuse his actions in Thor and Avengers, it’s pretty clear that his family, particularly his father, have let him down.

So to make him experience character development and understand why he does what he does...the writers took him back to Asgard, and had Sif beat him up repeatedly until he admits he does terrible things because he’s a...narcissist.

It was pretty hard to watch that scene, especially because I related to Loki as someone who felt overshadowed and overlooked. He tried too hard to be what his family wanted, to show that he was “the worthy son”.

But here in the fantastic year of 2021, this show decided to throw away all of that emotional nuance away.

 9) The costumes were bad.

The brown variant jacket with its ugly orange block letters.

The guard suit on Lamentis looked like a cross between a purple sweater and a plague doctor mask. honestly makes me shuder to see it

Loki’s green-and-gold costumes are some of the most distinct, instantly recognizable outfits of the MCU. And he almost immediately loses it in the first episode. It ends being given to Sylvie, (like most of Loki’s better characteristics) and he stays in a detective skinny-tie suit instead. The costume is okay, but it lacks the flair and style he’s had previously, and he never gains it back.

10) The season finale really did showcase this show in the best way-- ig hype followed by disappointment.

For five episodes, we rushed towards the ultimate villain, the mastermind behind it all. Episode 6 was like...being handed a pack of bubble wrap, swinging your hand hard, expecting that satisfying pop! only to have it slowly putter out with a sad little sound.

First, Kang looked like he got his costume from Party City. The purple cape isn’t doing him any favors. Then, the man sat there and monologued for forty minutes, making jokes, telling us how he set the plot up, and how the multiverse worked.

 I know Marvel gets flack for there always being an CGI climactic action scene, but…they had 6 episodes leading up to the Big Bad, and for it to end that anticlimactically with a man in a Party City purple cape was a letdown. The finale had no menace, no teeth. In the words of Mobius, it was just…talkie-talkie.

All in all, this show really suffered from ignoring Loki’s past, where he would realistically be emotionally-wise, and a lack of focus on its title character’s development. Settings and costumes being better/unique would be also be nice, especially given its popularity. At the end of the day, I don’t see the character I empathized so strongly with in this show.

[disaster-j]

hi there i love your blog

what are your top rated bls of all time. i need some recs.

Hi anon! Sorry this took forever I was busy when I first saw this ask and then it got buried under all the others 😔 but! Of course I have recs for you!

Not gonna go for the obvious ones like Theory of Love or A Tale of a Thousand Stars or even Bad Buddy which I really do love despite my hatred for the finale bc you likely already know those. So here’s some BLs I looooove but don’t really post about-

1. Light On Me- korean bl, high school setting, love triangle done Very Well. I did talk about this a bunch when it was airing but not so much anymore. It’s definitely my favourite k bl tho and I love it with all my heart. 1000/10 would recommend, absolute perfection.

2. Gameboys- filo bl set near the start of the quarantine, showcases the sudden shift in lifestyle caused by the pandemic, the rise of online intimacy and coping with long distance relationships, very cute and heartwarming show. Everyone should watch it at least once.

3. Dark Blue Kiss- thai bl, this one is a bit controversial bc a lot of people hate it but to me this show- particularly PeteKao’s plot line -did a really good job of exploring the effects of issues like internalised homophobia and being forced to be closeted by societal pressure on queer relationships. A lot of people who watch it completely miss the nuance of the plot tho and just reduce it to an overdone jealousy arc which isn’t even the case. Anyway, I think DBK is a lot better than most people realise and it definitely holds some really important conversations about queerness in modern times.

4. Mr Heart- korean bl, short and cutesy story featuring secret crushes, (re)meet cutes and a lot of running (with a dash of poverty struggles)

5. A Man Who Defies The World of BL- japanese bl, parodies the cliché and/or toxic sides of the bl industry and bl culture by setting up the story from the pov of a man who realises he’s an extra in a bl world and makes it his mission to avoid falling into a romantic plot line by all means. It’s funny and simple and does a great job of highlighting the ridiculous nature of some of the most prevalent bl tropes.

6. Kieta Hatsukoi- japanese bl, cutesy high school concept ft shenanigans and queer realisations. I was actually really hyping this up when it started airing but then Bad Buddy and Not Me started and it got lost in the excitement of those two. Still, it’s a really cute and wholesome show and I really enjoyed it. Highly recommend if you like fluff.

7. To My Star- korean bl, celebrity au AND they were roommates! This one was super fluffy and wholesome too and there’s gonna be a s2 with (allegedly) lots of domestic fluff. Definitely recommend watching s1 before s2 comes around.

8. Cherry Magic- japanese bl, finally something with grown ups T_T and! There’s really good aroace rep! This is one of those shows that I don’t really obsess over much but if you ask me for a list of my faves it’ll be there at the top without a doubt. Definitely my favourite japanese show so far.

Annnd that’s all I can think of atm. What are some of you guys’ fave BLs? Or just Asian dramas in general? Also I kinda wanna do a non bl thai show rec now too, should I?

[homoose]

Teach Me Something I Don’t Know: Part VII

Summary: Spencer’s unresolved trauma catches up with him. Reader gets her heart broken.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: angst, I’m so sorry guys

Warnings/Includes: brief mention of violence and details of a case; brief mention of prison, past trauma; a lil self-loathing and self-sabotaging

Word count: 3.8k

a/n: I knew that this was where this story was going from the very beginning. The dialogue is one of the first parts I had written. It still hurts. Relevant to the story: I operate with the understanding that the Jeid arc does not exist, which also means that Spencer never went to therapy in season 15. Also, huge thanks to @reidscanehand​ for beta-ing and just generally being my hype person!!!!

Song Recs: Shrike by Hozier; Better As a Memory by Kenny Chesney (don’t come for me if Spencer made playlists this would ABSOLUTELY be on there)

Series Masterlist

———

Spencer made his way to Emily’s office, ignoring the team’s eyes on him— varying degrees of understanding, concern, and uncertainty plain on their faces. As he reached the threshold, he paused for a second before moving into her line of sight. When he moved into the doorway, she looked up and waved him in. He closed the door behind him.

She gestured to the chair in front of her desk. Spencer hesitated for only a split second, but it was long enough for her to notice. He lowered himself into the chair and met her eyes.

She folded her hands on top of the desk. “How are you feeling?”

He drummed his fingers across his kneecaps. “I’m fine.”

It was a lie, and they both knew it. She bit back a sigh and flipped open the folder in front of her. “I’m finished with the official report. I wanted to go over it with you before I submit it to the director.” She looked at him briefly before reading out the report. “On January 9th, our team pursued a lead at the residence of suspect Andrew Hurley. We divided into teams to cover the two entrances to the home, as well as the barn behind the house.”

Spencer fidgeted slightly in his chair and rubbed the tips of his fingers together. Emily continued, “During the raid, Supervisory Special Agent Spencer Reid became separated from the team and was ambushed and disarmed by the suspect in the barn.” She paused but didn’t look at him. “The team was unaware of the altercation for some time, during which Dr. Reid employed various approved restraint methods and was ultimately forced to utilize self-defense measures to preserve his own life. Consequently, Mr. Hurley sustained serious injuries.”

She did look at him then, a steady and unrelenting gaze that had him shrinking inside himself. “However, I have determined that Dr. Reid’s actions were justified in order to maintain his own safety.” She returned her eyes to the report. “Mr. Hurley was detained and treated for his injuries at Sebastian River Medical Center, and he is expected to make a full recovery. Based on the cognitive interviews and physical evidence, a grand jury hearing is scheduled for January 25th.” She brought her hands to rest on top of the report.

“I’ll sign off on it and deliver it to the director by the end of business today.” She let out the sigh she’d been holding back. “Reid.”

He pressed his mouth into a thin line, torn between shame and vindication. “Emily.”

“What happened in that barn was unacceptable. And I need you to recognize that.” Her eyes were back on him, a leader’s gaze boring into a weak link. “You went against a direct order. You put your life in danger unnecessarily, and in the process you endangered this entire team. Furthermore, you could have cost us the ability to close this case, to put Hurley away and bring justice to his victims.”

“It won’t happen again,” he assured her.

“No, it won’t.” Her tone told him that if it did, he’d have bigger problems than a meeting in her office. “My recommendation to the director is that you transition to your next mandatory leave cycle early.”

“I can handle—”

“It’s not a request. You’re on sabbatical starting tomorrow. That’s an order, and one you’d do well to follow.” She closed the file in front of her. “We’ll see you back in the bullpen on March 7th.”

“I don’t need more time off, Emily,” Spencer snapped.

He could see her grind her teeth together at his tone, but he couldn’t seem to care enough to feel contrite. She took a deep breath in through her nose, leveling him with a pointed look. “If Simmons hadn’t broken it up, you’d have killed Hurley on the floor of that barn.”

His mind snapped back to the lifeless eyes of Hurley’s victims— eight year old boys in shallow graves. Boys who died afraid, and in pain, and crying out for their mothers. His thoughts raced to the feel of Hurley’s throat under his arm, the crack of the zygomatic under his fist. Emily was right of course. If Matt hadn’t found them in the barn and dragged him up and off of Hurley’s nearly lifeless body, Spencer would have killed him without compunction.

“Reid.” The stern edge was gone from her voice. Spencer refocused his eyes on her face, now showcasing an underlying concern that made his stomach turn. “I’m not recommending another cycle of mandatory counseling at this time, although I reserve the right to require it moving forward. But… I’m asking you to take care of yourself. You’ve been through a lot in the last two years. More than a lot.”

“I said I’m fine,” he insisted, but there was less fire behind it this time.

“And I’m not saying you aren’t,” she countered. “But I am saying that the person in that barn… that wasn’t you. That was not the Reid that I know.” Emily tilted her head and furrowed her brow. “The Reid I know uses his intellect and empathy to see angles that the rest of us miss. He depends on the strength of his mind and his unwavering compassion to diffuse conflicts without violence. He invites his friends to foreign film showings and puppet theater.”

When he didn’t budge, she let out a long breath. “I want you to take the next fifty days to find that Reid and bring him back to us.”

...

Y/N dropped into her desk chair with a huff. They’d been back from winter break for two weeks, and she already needed another vacation. But tomorrow was Friday, and then they had a long weekend. She could make it through one more day.

She closed her eyes for a long moment, tired in the way that only kindergarten teachers fresh off a long break can be. She heard the click of Anita’s shoes coming before she even entered the room, and Y/N couldn’t stop the twitch of her lips.

“Dude. How is it only Thursday?” Anita flopped down into the plush Calm Corner chair.

“This has been the longest week of my life,” Y/N agreed. “My kids were off the chain.”

“There is so much drama in middle school right now,” Anita groaned. “I can’t keep up with all the tea, and you know how I love to stay up to date on the freshest brews.” She shot Y/N a look. “Speaking of, where’s the good doctor?”

“I think they’ve had a lot going on at work,” Y/N surmised. “I haven’t seen Mrs. Jareau in over a month.”

“Well, I’m getting antsy,” Anita complained. “Thought for sure you’d be going steady by now.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help but feel a little impatient herself. If she’d known it would be this long before she’d see him again, she might have made a move when he’d volunteered. Then again, probably not. She sighed.

Her phone chimed with an email message, and she automatically swiped the screen open to read it.

Spencer Reid Re:

Are you free today? If you are, I’ll be at Soho.

...

Spencer sat at the table in the corner of the coffee shop. He sipped absentmindedly at his tea, almost gone cold. He hadn’t waited for a reply before leaving Quantico. He drove straight to the city, figuring he’d wait at Soho until he felt some semblance of calm returning to his body.

He didn’t know why he’d emailed Y/N, and he wasn’t sure he really wanted her to show up. Usually he’d talk to Penelope or maybe JJ. But he’d wanted to get as far from the BAU as possible, and he didn’t want to drag Penelope away from the colorful, safe corner of the world she’d created for herself. He didn’t want to fill it with all the tragedy she’d tried so hard to leave behind.

If Y/N did show, he was certain he could keep the conversation vague, focus on her and the classroom, ask her about her holidays. She wasn’t a profiler, didn’t know his tells well enough. She’d be none the wiser, and he’d have her warmth and presence to focus his energy on, if only for a few hours.

Every time the bell chimed, his eyes flew to the door, searching for her. He knew it was ridiculous. He’d only known her for one hundred and eleven days. Pragmatically, he knew she shouldn’t be the one he wanted to talk to. Realistically, he wasn’t planning to burden her with all of the mess of the past week, the past year, his entire life.

But in the six hundred and forty seven minutes he’d spent with her since September, he’d felt more like himself than he ever had. He was never afraid to be himself with her— the silly story voices, the ridiculous costume, the magic trick, the vulnerability about his mom. All of these pieces of himself were things he usually waited years to show people. It had taken her a matter of weeks to draw them out.

He couldn’t help but believe that if he wanted to, he could tell her everything. She’d know exactly what to say. She’d listen for as long as he could keep talking. She’d cover his shaking hands and wrap him up in the warmth of her spirit. She’d give of herself to guide him back to the person he used to be. She’d be more than willing to use her radiance to illuminate the dark so that he might have a little light again.

The bell sounded, and his eyes focused, and there she was. She was wrapped up in a puffed jacket, a bright blue scarf tied around her neck. Her nose was adorably red from the cold, and she rubbed her hands together as the door closed behind her. Her eyes found him immediately. A small smile turned up the corners of her mouth, and she gave him an enthusiastic wave. And he knew that he was right about all of it.

She approached the table, unwinding her scarf. “Hi!”

“Hi.”

Her eyes flickered over his face, and then settled on his mostly empty mug. “I’ll get you a refill, and then we’ll catch up?”

He nodded, and she headed to the counter. There had been a part of him that thought she wouldn’t come, but of course she did. For some reason, unbeknownst to him, she liked talking to him. Even among his closest friends, he was often made to feel self-conscious about his tendency to ramble, but Y/N had literally asked him to. She sought him out, asked him questions, listened intently, and remembered things he’d told her. She was kind and thoughtful and genuine. Of course she came when he called.

She returned with two mugs, carefully setting them down on the tiny table. She unzipped and removed her jacket, hanging it on the back of her chair and revealing a crew neck sweater covered in tiny astronauts and rocket ships. When she sat across from him, her hands wrapped around the mug and her eyes met his.

“Hi.”

He couldn’t stop his lips from twitching, despite the events of the day. “You said that already.”

She laughed, and he felt the weight begin to lift. “Yeah, well, I haven’t seen you in forever, so— I’m just making up for lost time.”

“Sixty one days.”

“Hmm?”

“It’s been sixty one days, eighty eight minutes, and approximately,” he looked at his watch, “fourteen seconds since we saw each other last.”

She laughed again, and his mouth completed its curve. She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I like that you’ve been counting.” She let her chin come to rest in her hand, eyes studying his face. “How are you?”

He wanted to lie, but she was looking at him so earnestly that he mumbled out, “I’m managing.”

She mirrored the way he’d looked at her across this same table nearly three months ago. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” That was a lie, too. But asking her to meet him was enough of a burden.

“Okay. Well, if you change your mind at any point, let me know.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him. “Until then, I can just regale you with all the kindergarten stories you’ve missed while you were out saving lives.”

And regale him she did. For almost an hour, he listened to her tales of love (budding crushes were taking over recess time), loss (the class pet— a stuffed zebra— had accidentally taken a swim in the Atlantic on a vacation to Florida), and lessons learned…

“So, in case there was ever any doubt, we are now painfully aware that we shouldn’t attempt to flush our underwear.” Y/N let out an exasperated laugh.

She’d been talking to him for fifty three minutes, and his heart already felt one thousand times lighter. “I’m really glad I wasn’t there for that one.”

“I really wish that was the only poop story I had.” She shook her head. “There are a lot of things they don’t tell you in grad school. I think there’d be a global teacher shortage if they warned you about the amount of bodily fluid management involved in teaching kindergarten.”

She toyed with the edge of her empty mug. He watched the movement of her fingers.

“Do you—”

“Do you—”

She laughed and gestured for him to speak first.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

…

They ended up in Mitchell Park. The trees were bare and the grass was brown, but he was with her, and so it was beautiful.

They’d been walking in comfortable silence, when she asked, “Did you change your mind? About talking about it.”

Spencer put his hands into his pockets. “It’s, um— it’s kind of a lot.”

She shrugged. “I’ve got time.”

“I don’t mean— I mean, it would take some time to get through it all. But it’s also— it’s a lot.”

“We don’t have to.” He could feel her eyes on him. “Do you talk to— someone about it?”

“I talked with my unit chief today,” he answered.

“Okay. But— I mean, have you ever— talked to someone. Like, a professional.”

Spencer bristled slightly. Although he knew she wasn’t passing judgement, her question exposed the reality that she thought he could use it. “I’ve had some mandated counseling over the years.”

“Obviously it’s your choice whether you talk to someone or not,” she mused. “I just— I know that I’ve benefited a lot from seeing my therapist.”

Spencer was unsure of what to do with that information. Here she was, confessing that she went to therapy— sweet, lovely Y/N. In comparison, he wasn’t sure if even daily meetings with a counselor would be enough to tame the darkness that had grown and festered inside him over the years. That sometimes threatened to swallow him whole.

For a long while, there was only the crunch of the frozen ground beneath their feet. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but there was an uncertainty about them that felt uncharacteristically heavy. He was hyper aware of her presence, and so he felt her pace slowing down before she came to a complete stop. He walked a few more paces before it became clear that she wasn’t planning to catch up.

He turned and saw that she’d taken a seat on one of the park benches. He carefully made his way to the bench, sitting beside her quietly. She didn’t look at him, but instead studied her fingernails intently. She cracked her knuckles once, twice, and then turned her body slightly toward him on the bench.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped,” she hedged carefully. “I didn’t mean to tell you what to do, or like, imply that there’s anything wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you at all. I just—”

“It’s fine,” Spencer assured her. The way she looked at him then— like he was something fragile, delicate— made his eyes burn. He kept his voice even. “I know what you meant.”

She smiled, eyes crinkling and filled with something that felt familiar and far away all at once. “Good. I can’t have you out here thinking you’re anything less than wonderful.”

He couldn’t stop looking at her, attempting to solve the impossible cypher behind her irises. As he failed to decode it, his inability to read her blinded him to what came next. He missed the dilation of her pupils, the way her tongue darted out to wet her lips, the increase of the beats in her carotid. So when she leaned in and pressed her mouth to his, he was momentarily paralyzed.

Her lips were so soft against his slightly chapped ones, pressing with a perfectly gentle pressure. She brought her hand up to cradle his cheek, the pads of her fingers just barely ghosting the curls falling around his ear. She sighed into his mouth and pressed a little closer. He took one peaceful moment to bask in the realization of a desire he’d had for almost four months.

And then she swiped the very tentative tip of her tongue against the seam of his mouth, and his hands involuntarily wound into her hair, dragging her closer. He opened his mouth against hers to swallow her sweet little gasp. His grip on her hair tightened, and she let out the tiniest mewl, and like a switch had flipped— suddenly his mind was full of the darkness she’d spent the evening chasing away.

Y/N beneath him in the dark. Maeve in a pool of blood. His hands around Cat’s neck. His mother’s slap against his cheek. Max walking away from him. His fingers pressing the plunger on a dirty syringe. The slam of the door behind his father. Y/N calling out his name. A knife at his throat under a canopy of bones. Innumerable sets of lifeless eyes staring up at him. His life being snuffed out on the dirt floor of a shed. The clanging of metal bars and fingers ghosting over old bruises. Y/N looking at him with warm, loving eyes. The violent crack of bone underneath his fists. Y/N’s face, lovely and perfect— and then twisted in pain.

He broke away from her, releasing his hold on her hair and pushing her back into the bench. He took a second to gather himself before he dared to look at her. Her hair was tousled from his rough grip; her eyes were half-lidded and focused on him; her lips were red and kiss-bruised and turned up in a small, sweet smile.

And all at once he knew he had to hurt her, and it had to be now. Because what Cat had said about him was true. He might have escaped his mother’s illness, but he hadn’t been able to outrun the violence— and unlike her, he didn’t have the excuse of being sick. He had hurt people, and he had enjoyed it. He would have killed Hurley, and he would have slept soundly. He was no better than the men his team hunted.

Every time he thought he’d moved past it, that wickedness lurking just under the surface would grab him by the throat, choking everything else out. Emily’s directive rang in his ears. Find that Reid and bring him back to us. He knew who she was talking about. The problem was, he wasn’t sure that person still existed.

He was going to hurt Y/N eventually. Better to do it now, before things got too far.

“You’re Michael’s teacher,” he said, as evenly as possible.

Her smile faltered, and she pressed her lips together. He could still feel the phantom press of them against his own, and he was sure he’d never forget it. She cleared her throat. “You’re right, you’re totally right. I, um— I won’t be in a few months, and maybe then—”

“You don’t even know me,” he interrupted.

Now there was confusion in her eyes. That much he could read. She huffed out a small laugh. “I— I don’t think that’s entirely true.”

He looked directly at her. “Why? Because you read my bio on a university website? Because we got tea a couple times?” His voice sounded harsh, patronizing, and he hated it.

Her confusion shifted into shock, and he ignored the tug on his heart. “Are you serious?” she questioned, genuinely searching for a sign that he was joking.

“Dead serious.” He shrugged, and it felt like his bones were breaking. “You don’t really know anything about me, Y/N. If you did, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now.”

“Where— where is this coming from?” Her voice was small, close to breaking. He lined up the last nail on the lid of the coffin.

“Maybe I gave you the wrong impression. I’ve appreciated talking to you. Volunteering in your classroom was entertaining. But I don’t— I don’t see you that way.” It was a lie, and if he didn’t have such a practiced poker face, she might have seen through it. As it was, his poker face had helped get him banned from every casino in Vegas, so he watched her as he hammered the final nail. “You’re just Michael’s kindergarten teacher.”

“Oh.” The hurt flashed across her features— the furrow of her brow, the tightening of her mouth, the storm clouds in her eyes. “Well, I— I really read this wrong, huh?” She laughed, but there was no humor in it.

“Yeah.” He put his hands into his pockets to keep himself from reaching for her, the desire to comfort her a strange juxtaposition to the pain he was intentionally inflicting on her. “I guess so.”

She opened and closed her mouth twice before taking a deep breath and nearly whispering, “Okay. Well. I’m— I’m gonna go.”

She brushed some imaginary dust from her pants and then stood. She turned to him, and he waited for her to explode— to scream and curse at him. But it didn’t come. She didn’t look at him at all. “Um— yeah. I’m gonna go.”

He didn’t say anything, and he knew she’d take his silence as indifference. But he had to keep his mouth shut, because if he didn’t, he’d beg her to stay. He’d tell her every single random piece of information he had stored in his brain. He’d tell her that he loved her from the moment he watched her help a child pick a solution from a pencil box. He’d tell her that he only ever dreamt of two things these days— her or the lives he didn’t save. He’d tell her every single one of his deepest, darkest secrets. He’d tell her that sometimes he was so afraid of himself that he could barely breathe. And if he told her all of that, she’d walk away anyway.

So instead, he watched her turn and start back up the path, hugging her arms around herself and swiping her cheek against her scarf.

When she disappeared over the slope of the path, he scrubbed his hands over his own damp face and let himself break.

———

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[stuckybarton]

Manifestation of Happy Endings

SUMMARY: "Everyone deserves a happy ending, even you." CHARACTERS: Stephen Strange x Reader; Wong. Cloakie [Cloak of Levitation], Wong. Asshole Tony Stark. WARNINGS: Slight Angst. Brief Description of A Kiss. Toxic Way of Moving on from An Ex(for Tony, not the reader) WORDS: 2,704 MASTERLIST || Join the Taglist

~

Part 4 STREETLIGHT

One of the things Stephen Strange had never thought he would ever have in his life again was a woman he loved--loving so much that he was willing to endure what he was in this very moment.

Nothing scared him more than having to think of the perfect way to propose to his girlfriend. Nothing scared him shitless than the idea of you rejecting his proposal and the crack begins to form in your stable relationship.

You were doing alright, for the past few months since you started dating Stephen--or at least that was what Stephen had gotten out of Wong whenever the two of you would be deep in conversation in either the library or the kitchen.

With his responsibility as the Sorcerer Supreme and helping saving the Universe on a daily basis, he never had a perfect opportunity to propose. And when he did found the momentary courage, you would be pulled into a book tour all around the country, leaving him to device a plan with Wong on how to actually propose.

"Maybe a candlelit dinner?" Wong had offered, attention still focused on the new book you had given him--the very reason as to why you were gone for well over a month now.

"Too predictable." Stephen snorted.

Candlelit dinner was already a common occurrence between the two of you, with the rare free time, you'd often find yourself just making a hearty meal for the two of you while Stephen was in charge of setting the mood in the dinner table. It was better than heading to a restaurant, getting recognized, and having to deal with the news still circulating about you and your separation from Tony Stark all those months ago.

"Then do something you won't usually do." Wong continued on turning the page to your book.

You loved going on walks. Even with the daily chaos of New York Streets could offer, you always loved being able to go outside, look around and get as much inspiration as you could for any upcoming books you were writing. Outside to some fresh air and sunlight you often tease Stephen of not having enough of because of his duties.

Maybe taking you out on a hike somewhere could be good. A good change of pace, then he could find a perfect spot to just bend on one knee and asked you to be his wife.  Easier said than done when he comes to think more through with the plan. He doesn't know any good hiking trails in New York and it looked more taxing for either of you.

"She says she always wanted to go on road trips across the country." Wong finally made a suggestion. "Why don't the two of you drive to Vegas or something else hedonistic for once."

The suggestion doesn't sound too bad. You did enjoy car rides, Stephen had come to realize. Since his accident years ago, he tried his best to avoid car rides, mostly not needing to since he could create portals to travel to different location his mind can conjure. The first time he had actually enjoyed being inside a car that wasn't his own was with you, as you two made your way to lunch.

He could still remember the way you would allow him to pick the song for the quick ride and how you would jam to whatever was on the radio. It brought a smile on his face now, remembering the patience of a saint you had whenever he would act like a backseat driver if you turn into a different route.

A thirty hour drive would be a nightmare for him, but if he had you, it doesn't sound as bad.

Before he could conjure up the plan, the simple ding of his phone brought his attention away from his plan. A text from you, from a phone you had hesitantly brought under your agent and manager's insistence.  It also meant Stephen had more use of his own and Wong somehow found himself with one as well thanks to you--not wanting him to be left out.

Stark is here. I don't know what to do.

"I'll be right back." Stephen told his friend before conjuring a portal with his sling ring to bring him to California where you were currently having your Open forum.

~

In an audience capacity of a thousand, Alex Theatre was full pack. But among the faces in the crowd. A handful had stood out the most. Tony Stark, Happy Hogan, and one Peter Parker. It was hell and sending Stephen a quick text about it was the only solution you could think of at the moment.

You were to be talking to the audience for a good hour and a half and be open for a few questions, but just the fact that the people you wanted nothing to do with anymore was in the room had you scared.

You no longer had the feelings you once had for Tony, but you were simply scared of the repercussions that would come with Stephen knowing about it.

You knew that Stephen would try confronting Tony, but that would complicate the situation more than it should. Knowing you refused to let any of them know your whereabouts or the fact that you were closer than any of them had actually thought you would be.

"Y/N?"

At the familiar voice of your boyfriend, you were momentarily felt at ease as you tried your best to calm down and stop the possible mental breakdown you were having knowing your ex was in the building. The backstage looked smaller than it really was.

Wrapped in his arms, the fear was placed at ease. You rested your cheeks on his chest, arms sliding around his waist as he pulled you closer to him. Hands cradling the back of your head.

"You okay?" He asked.

You didn't respond, instead pulling him closer to you. Fearing that if you let him go now the man would make his way to the audience and talk some sense to Tony.

"I'm nervous about this, even if he wasn't here." You muttered.

This was the first tour you had done in years. Having lost inspiration in writing because of the stagnation in your relationship, you were still worried about what the world would react to your new book, how they would think of you now that you were no longer the woman constantly attached to Tony Stark's side in public events.

As much as your team had constantly hyped you up, with colorful reviews on your latest book, it was still different from the last one you had done, the difference was caused by this man in front of you, holding you into him like you were made of fine porcelain.

It was difference you always needed in your life, but you fear the reception of it wouldn't be well received by your supporters and your fanbase.

"Let's drive to Vegas after your tour." Stephen's suggestion had surprised you.

You were expecting his usual dry humor, but you were welcomed with something entirely different from the man. Driving across country was something you always wanted to experience, but knowing Stephen's accident, you never suggested the activity.

"I'm driving." You were quick to volunteer.

"I expecting nothing less." He smirked looking down at you. For a moment, you couldn't help but just look down at him. How his blue eyes could look at you like they did, adoration and love. "Want to get married in Vegas?" He offered.

The last question had you shoving him away and glaring at him. The hell was he talking about.

"That's not funny, Strange." You warned.

"It's not a joke." Stephen assured with a smile.

And just like that, the man had fallen to this knees in front of you. The people backstage were witnessing and squealing on your behalf as you stood stock still in front of the man.

"I was planning on proposing on our drive to Vegas, but now is a good time as any to do so. Y/N Y/L/N, you had turned my world upside down the moment you fall face first in the café all those months ago, how you had repaid me with coffee and a deli sandwich when it was my cloak that saved you. How you made the sanctum a home, how you became a part of the team in your own special way. I love you and I wish to be able to spend the rest of my days with you. "

You were left dumbfounded and before you could do anything, you fell to your knees in front of the man even before he could ask you the question, you had said yes. Over and over you had accepted his proposal even without hearing the question. You were happy with Stephen, more than you had ever thought you would ever be since.

"Yes. A million times yes." You muttered wrapping your arms around him and kissing him square on the lips. After a moment of clapping from the people backstage, the momentary embarrassment had settled you but Stephen was quick to make the situation better.  Standing the two of you back up to your feet, he had finally opened the velvet box to a sight that took your breath away.

A vintage, emerald cut diamond ring. Plucking the ring with his shaky hand he had slid it onto your ring finger before kissing your hand. An affection you were so used to seeing from Stephen at the privacy of the sanctum or your apartment.

"I can't be like Tony and give you the world, but I'll be me and give you my life and the time I left when I'm not saving the world to you."

You smiled at his promise. It was reasonable, a part of him that you will never make him choose between.  Knowing he was going to be making an effort was enough for you as you nodded and kissed him once again before you were finally announced to head out.

"I'll be waiting here, break a leg!" Stephen smiled breathless as you finally stepped out to the crowd, a quick round of applause had sounded as you made your way to the podium. Hugging the MC for the event before turning to face everyone, including the likes of Tony Stark in the crowd.

"Sounds like something important happened backstage." The MC smiled knowing how he had to drag the introductions longer than needed because of what Stephen had done.

"My boyfriend proposed to me." You beamed showcasing the ring that now wrapped around your finger to the crowd.

"Congratulations. Who's the lucky guy?" The MC inquired and for a moment your eyes turned towards Tony, and for once you finally saw something you had never thought you'd see in his eyes. Regret. It wasn't satisfaction that you felt, more like this closure you never thought you could have left after all was said and done with him.

"He's a private guy. But I'm happy, the happiest I had ever been in my life." You responded before turning your eyes back towards the curtains where you saw Stephen was watching, a beaming smile was on his face. "He's actually watching backstage," you turned back to the crowd. "So if by any chance I stop mid sentence throughout, it's still the adrenaline from his proposal manifesting, so blame him okay?" You teased earning a laugh from the crowd.

"So I don't need to ask it then, who is your muse for your new book?"

You blushed hesitantly turning to Stephen as the humor lingered on his features. It was an open secret that he was but it's weird having to say it with him in attendance. Easier when he was miles away from you.

"If you're happy, you become inspired." You shrugged hoping that is enough explanation for it. "And from the reviews I've gotten since the book's launch, everyone could see that." You beamed.

"So before we get started in the plotline and the theme of the story, can you tell us about the process of this book from your head to the printing press?"

You cleared your throat knowing that this question would be coming. It wasn't long before you needed to address it and knowing now would be the best time to do so before you finally close the chapter in your life for good.

"I've been in a slump for over a year and a half, my agent and my editors couldn't bring me into writing anything substantial, I blame myself and what my previous relationship had done to me." You spoke honestly, eyes momentarily focusing towards Tony before lingering back to the listening crowd. "It's one thing to be in a relationship filled with arguments and resentment; it was another when you're the only one trying in the relationship that everything else in your life seems--meaningless."

You could still remember the life you had wasted for the years of being with your ex. How you had loved finally gaining your independence and being able to be happy again without needing to think about him and his well being most of the time.

"I found myself out of that environment and found myself in a much different one. I met this man in the café, saved before I face planted onto the floor in front of the bustling crowd. And the rest as they say is history." You added. "Because of this said man, I've found myself writing more than I thought I'd actually do since moving on from my ex. I'd be in his library for hours on until I could see the moonlight glowing below the two of us. And I just found myself writing a love story instead of a story about moving on."

You somehow found yourself chuckling at the last bit as you had come to realize something about your relationship with Stephen.

"I'm actually going to marry my rebound." You had announced somehow far too proudly earning a laugh from the crowd in the process. "So ladies and gentlemen, if you think the most serious relationship you have right now had failed, there is always someone out there meant for you. You just need to get out of your comfort zone."

~

"You two look ridiculous." Wong was quick to point out as the beaming smile on both of your faces lingered.

An hours previously, you had been officially married to Dr. Stephen Vincent Strange. Wearing the same dress you had on during your talk and only now adorned in a small veil you've purchased in the Vegas strip as you and Stephen had looked for a semi-decent individual to officiate your wedding.

You made it evident that Wong should also be joining, not just as a witness but as part of the family. The man had been there throughout the start of your relationship and it was only fitting to have him in this new chapter as well. Married and whatever the universe would throw the two of them from this day forward.

"We can always go to a strip club to celebrate." Stephen had teased, arm wrapped around your shoulder as the three of you had walked around the strip, caring less at this point if anyone would recognize any of you.

You smiled agreeing playful just to see Wong stutter and try his best to change the subject.

"We promise that the bigger wedding would be more tame than this." You had assured your friend. "And Stephen will make you his Best man." You had pointed out to your--husband.

The word felt still as foreign in your tongue but a welcome change it seems. Holding onto Stephen's free hand, the rings you've picked from the nearby jewelry store was perfect in it's own special way. The streetlight glowing all throughout made the rings sparkle and the smile on your face growing bigger than ever.

"Why do I think he will go more bridezilla than you?" Wong teased earning a glare from Stephen but the lack of a genuine retort made it evident between the three of you how right Wong's word were.

[reivenesque]

Okay I'm finished.

It's no secret that I was underwhelmed by season 3, so I took my time getting into season 4 because honestly, I was tired of Johnny and Daniel's repetitive back and forth, I was bored of Kreese and his thumb twiddling evilness on how to get rid of Daniel LaRusso and his little Miyagi-Do's too; I was not looking forward seeing Robby's hate getting him into trouble again and I was absolutely not looking forward to Terry Silver at all.

But goddamn, Terry Silver is my favourite new character and the MVP of season four hands down.

I've said my piece on Daniel in my last post, and I think I've mentioned that I didn't care much about Chozen in season 3 cause I disliked the Japan subplot. But fuck I am hyped for season 5. I am excited to see both Johnny and Daniel smacked down for their childishness by Chozen.

I loooooooved Robby this season. It's hilarious how being in Cobra Kai was what gave Robby's character balance. I loved that he was still so angry (cause he had every right to be) but he had an outlet to channel it through. Fuck the fight between him and Kenny was amazing. It showcased just what an amazing fighter Robby is and if he managed to find a balance in his fighting, he would absolutely be unstoppable.

Also I needed to mention just how amazing Tanner got at karate between this season and the first seasons tournament, all of them improved greatly but Tanner was a standout.

I'm looking forward to seeing more of Miguel and Carmen's backstory. I don't know who his father is going to be and I've read the theories and speculations and before I would have been like 'ugh no's but after seeing what they did with Terry Silver, I'm like 'hell yeah gimme'. I'm all here for Miguel getting more screentime.

I still love Sam. I've loved her since the beginning and maybe it's in part because of how charming Mary Mouser is and how she plays her. And I thought the rivalry between her and Tory played out well this season. I didn't like Tory at the beginning but she had season 1 and 2 Johnny Lawrence levels of character development and I am so here for that. I also want to see more of the relationship between her and Amanda

As for Hawk, I know many people (everyone?) was disappointed in him joining Miyagi Do, but honestly didn't mind that change. I think going from Eli to Hawk, from Johnny to Kreese, Hawk really went from one extreme to another. Maybe being in Miyagi Do will help him from more of a balance in the two (tbh having me pushing Miyagi Do philosophies is a feat in itself.) I have my thoughts about the mohawk shaving thing but I think I'll save that for another time (or never).

In any case I thought everyone had good stories they managed to tell. Was it rushed? Of course, it's 10 episodes a 30 minute runtime apiece. Did they tell the story perfectly? No, but they told it as well as they could in the time they had. Did i enjoy it? Hells yes I did.

Sure there are problems and unanswered questions; such as did the characters really become black belts I'm that short a time? Does no other belt colour exist in the Cobra Kai universe? And who the fuck asked for Sting Ray's reappearance? Sure it served a purpose, who who asked for this?

So yeah anyway, in conclusion.

Loved season 4!

Stoked for season 5.

The thing I want most in season 5 is for Johnny to be able to balance being a dad to both Miguel and Robby (and for Miguel and Robby to be friends) and being a sensei to Sam, cause Sam's fighting was amazing under Johnny's tutelage.

And also more Terry Silver.

[youn9racha]

Don’t Test Me

Requested by: @crzy-devil

Pairing: Jinyoungxmasc!reader (with a vag tho)

Words: 3.1 k

Warning: dom!reader, sub!jinyoung, consent being explicitly discussed, implied masturbation, mentions of pornography, implied dacryphilia, weapon play (fake gun), pegging, mentions of butt plugs, jinyoung in a short skirt, dirty talk, overstimulation

Extra Notes: wheewww finally my first got7 request ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ don’t get me wrong, i‘ve been enjoying writing skz chan and changbin smut but i’ve been meaning to write some got7 but i wouldn’t think anyone would read it :( but yay finally i got something. i pray i don’t fuck this up, and i hope this is okay everything you want 😔

photo edit is not mine

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This is no way representative of the way Got7 act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised.

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You and Jinyoung have an interesting relationship to say the least. Jinyoung is always thought to be that dominant guy who’s always protective of the people whom he cares about, especially towards his partner. While that is true that he is protective and caring, however no one knows who the real Jinyoung Park except you, or at least who he is in your bedroom.

It was no secret that you two are very open about your sexual needs to each other, and it may come to the surprise to anyone to know that a man like Jinyoung is more submissive than anyone would think. But you however didn’t think so.

Prior to meeting him, you may follow what everyone says about Jinyoung, but five months into your relationship with your boyfriend, you were shocked, yet pleased, to see him one day in adorning nothing but a skirt, a butt plug, and a leash, innocently yet seductively telling you to touch him. And ever since then, you’ve been the one Jinyoung looked up to and waiting for to ruin him.

Every sexual encounter with him were exciting and fun, but there was one incident that took the title of the most amazing sexual roleplay you both have took in and neither of you had any sense of regret. Even if you guys would have broken up—knocking on wood—, it’ll probably not top anything but that moment.

~~

”(y/n!)” Jinyoung exclaimed in a sing song-y way as he walked into the apartment door with something hidden behind his back. He spotted you laying onto the couch, legs lazily splayed open as you looked up to the ceiling with half eyes open. It was clear that you were tired and wanted to rest, but Jinyoung didn’t care, “I’ve got something to show you..”

You looked up at him with a furrowed eyebrows, “what is it Jiny—ah!”

You felt wide awake when you saw Jinyoung unexpectedly pulled a gun straight into your face and pretended to shoot by making certain movements and sounds.

“Jinyoung, what the fuck?!” You exclaimed with your eyes popping out your socket with fear, leaning far away from him, only for him to get closer to you. Jinyoung saw the fear in your eyes, which made him laugh at my state. “I’m being for real, put the gun down!” Your heart was rightfully pounding, fearing not only for your life but at Jinyoung’s sickening laugh.

”Oh, relax, big baby, its a fake gun,” Jinyoung said with an eye roll.

You looked at the man on top of you with a baffled expression, he flipped the gun around and shoved it to you, “see, carry it.”

You looked at the gun, then at the man, then back at the silver object with a gulp. You took the gun out of his hand, and to your relief it was indeed fake, with it being very lightweight and looking at it up close. Props to whoever made this gun look really realistic, at least at a distance.

Jinyoung laughed at your relieved expression, “did you really think I’d bring an actual gun?”

You shrugged at him, “I wouldn’t be surprised to be honest,” you jokingly replied to which Jinyoung opens his mouth agape. Now it was your turn to laugh, “I’m joking, baby,” you patted his cheeks and he pouted in response, “you’re fucked up, (y/n).” He says that as he laid on top of you.

There was a moment of silence until you began questioning why he had the toy gun. Jinyoung fidgeted with his fingers, sort of hesitating with the words he wants to say. “Baby?” Your calling for him sounded more dragging rather than a questioning call, as your hold on him got tighter. “I kinda wanted you to use it on me,” He blurted, not baring to look at you, while you looked at him with a confused expression.

He didn’t see you but he can sense your confusion, “I want you to use it on your dumb whore..” and thats where your eyes widened. You knew exactly what he wanted.

You would lie if you said you didn’t have the thought of the idea, but that does not mean that you’re feeling one hundred percent sure about all of this. You both are experimental people, and enjoy trying new things at least one, and pain on both ends goes right up your and Jinyoung’s alley. But you wouldn’t go as far as bringing weapon into this, albeit fake, but still.

You thought of how weak he would look over you though, how he tries so hard to fight back but it fails miserably and pathetically. You easily find yourself slowly warming up but then caught yourself as you uncertainty was still in habiting your consciousness.

Your ears met with his gentle voice with him saying, “baby, if you don’t want to do this, I understand,“ Jinyoung held onto your arm in comfort.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just what if I’m gonna hurt you with the gun?” You held Jinyoung, which endearingly smiled at you. He admires how no matter how hard you go on him, he still can see how you’re very loving and caring towards him. The last thing you wanted to do is to harm your baby Jinyoung.

”baby, you won’t hurt me, you’ve held the gun. It’s fake and it won’t do anything,” Jinyoung rubbed your arms, reassuringly, “besides, we have a safe word, and if you did anything uncomfortable, I’ll just say the word.” You looked back at his eyes. His eyes were entrancing to you, its a contrasting blend of assertiveness, plead and child-like. You have no idea how can one have the capability to withhold such power like this, but knowing Jinyoung, you can see how it works.

You smiled back at him with a gentle caress in the cheek, “I’ll think about it.”

~~

You’ve given yourself sometime to think about it. Jinyoung made it absolutely clear that he won’t do anything that would make you uncomfortable. For a typical submissive person, he still values your comfort, but that is regardless whether he is submissive or dominant, verbal and emotional consent holds a great value in your relationship.

You’ve scrolled through the internet and went on certain adult website to see what got Jinyoung that excited about all this. You did see the hype, but you were still unsure about it, so you just wanted to give sometime where the ice of uncertainty is melted.

While browsing, you saw a distinctive video. The thumbnail caught your eye, as it had a pretty boy in a pink skirt laid on the bed with his leg spread and what looks to be someone pegging him. The video was of the type you’ve looked it up but it was different because it seems to be more of a point of view type of video.

Your mouse hovered over the thumbnail, almost clicking it. You turned to check if Jinyoung was still in the house. It’s not that he cared about you watching porn, he knows that no amount of videos will match up with you taking him on the spot. But you didn’t want him to see you researching, as you wanted to surprise him in case you enjoyed it.

You’ve not seen his presence and you decided to text him, to make sure if everything’s clear and that he’s not close to your proximity whatsoever.

(y/n): hey babe !!

(y/n): where are you ??

Jinyoung immediately saw your message. The bubble and dots of his began showing up until his message was sent.

Baby boy <3: heyy !!

Baby boy <3: oh i’m hanging out with Jaebeom rn i’m also gonna spend the night at his place if thats not a problem with you :)

Baby boy <3: y ??? u need anything ??

you sighed with relief to not only see him respond back, but also that he won’t come back later. Never would you have thought to say this, considering that you’re overtly obsessed with the man.

(y/n): no !! i was just checking up on u !!

(y/n): its fine by me :)) have fun and tell jaebeom i said hi

Baby boy <3: will do ^_^ see you tomorrow baby

Baby boy <3: i’ll miss you <3333

(y/n): i miss you too darling xx

Once the coast was clear, you’ve turned off your phone, turned back to your computer screen and turned on the video.

The video startes off with the boy, who eerily reminded you so much of your boyfriend with his mannerisms and body type, calling out to the presumed viewer. He only wore a skirt, a choker, and what looks to be a jeweled butt plug. To say that the scenery wasn’t a turn on would an absolute lie. You almost moaned at the scenery as you‘ve suddenly started to see, instead of the actor‘s face, Jinyoung.

His pleading eyes were captivating you as you felt yourself getting wet at the way the man is looking at you. Suddenly a pink gun was put into the face of the boy and hearing him yelp in fear did something to you. You felt your organ began twitching at the way the boy looked up to the gun. Seeing how the gun was shoved into his mouth as he began making lewd movements and noises while getting his pretty dick stroked, it did all wonders for you.

You felt your hands going down your pants as you carried on watching the video. This may have awakened something in you, and you can’t wait to showcase to Jinyoung when he gets back.

~~

You sat back in your couch waiting for Jinyoung. It was the next day, and you didn't have much to plan, but you decided to keep the fake gun near you for the sake of your role. It was almost nighttime and the clock kept ticking as you anticpated your boyfriend's arrival.

Jinyoung didn't know about the whole ordeal, he probably thought that you were gonna be out running errands, hanging out with your friends, or even just sleep. But what he won't expect is you sitting on the couch, lust blown in your whole system and hiding the gun he brought in. He never would have thought to see you with it, up until this moment.

While you wait for him to show up, you scrolled through your phone, mindlessly liking any posts that comes in your way. You didn't care on whatever is on your screen, all you wanted was Jinyoung bending over, ready for you. You smirked at the dirty thought, until you heard keys clashing against each other then one inserted into the locked door. In comes the prettiest boy you have ever laid your eyes on, he came in with a bag in his shoulder and adorned a baggy pink sweatshirt and skinny jeans. He smiled when he saw you on the couch, waiting for him.

Normally you would feel soft and warm over his appearance, however the sinister thoughts inhabiting you was clouding every other thought. Jinyoung extended his arm up to stretch after putting down his bag, as he came in and sat down next to you, eventually attacking with kisses as a greeting. Typically, you would laugh at his typically private yet adorable affections, but you could only look at him with semi blank stare.

He noticed the stare in your face, his face shifted into a worried frown, “whats wrong? you’ve been acting weird since yesterday.” You looked at Jinyoung with your hands in his face. You couldn’t help but smile at the clueless boy in front of you, “Jinyoung, have I ever mentioned you’re gorgeous?”

Jinyoung’s confusion starts to get even bigger as his eyebrows furrowed. Not knowing what to say, he just went along with, “yeah?” It was clear evident confusion and you weren’t dumb. You knew he‘d be confused, thats the point, you want him to be clueless and confused about the whole ordeal.

“What if I told you that you’re all I think about?” You whispered, as you began caressing his face. His face was still grimacing in confusion, however he would lie if he said that the thought of you thinking about him nonstop makes him feel good and excited. “I love you so much…”

“(y/n), cut the bullshit, whats goin—” Jinyoung has had enough with your suspicious act and decided to confront you, up until he felt something on his jaw, which he ended up cutting his words with a gasp. It felt something cold against his pulse, his eyes were dragged to the source only to see something he wasn’t expected to see, yet is pleased. It was the toy gun he handed to you. His mouth was open agape, and you said, “I thought much through about it, and I decided why not,” you had a loving and evil smirk on your face, and he simply just smiled back at you, “and besides,” you leaned closer to his ear.

”The thought of you begging for mercy does things to me, you do not understand your powers you have on me, Park Jinyoung,” Jinyoung shuddered at you whispering out his full name at him. He could already feel himself getting hard at your words, and the thought of the gun digging into his skin makes the process faster. You knew that he was getting aroused without you looking down at his crouch, so you opted to use your other hand and held his member, to which he let out a closed mouth moan.

“You know what to do..” you said after pulling your face out of his ear and staring straight into his face. He looked like a puppy with his eyes innocently sparkling at you. You slapped his thigh to get up to do what he’s doing, which you took him out of his trance, nodded at you and got up.

“I’ll give you five minutes,” you said loud enough where he can still hear as he walks, more like wobbling, into your shared bedroom, while you smirked at his adorable weak state. You looked at the gun and you knew were gonna have fun with your boy toy.

~~ Five minutes have passed, and you decided to walk into the bedroom where Jinyoung is at at a painfully slow pace. You felt like a lion going after a deer, ready to devour it on the spot, with Jinyoung being the deer in this situation. You dragged the gun against the wall as you got closer to your bedroom. You can already sense Jinyoung getting weaker and weaker without even looking at him. You hear heavy breathing coming from out of your bedroom, and you felt your lust is started to mix fury with it as you knew exactly what he was doing.

However you kept your composure and still have the smirk drawn into your face. You reached the door, and you opened the door to see a sight that both angered and aroused you. Jinyoung was dressed in a pink short skirt and a crop top along side with thigh highs, his whole cock was out as he was stroking himself as he was looking at himself in the mirror. Still in his lust world, he didn’t notice your presence up until you spoke.

“Who told you you can touch yourself?” You questioned with a crossed arm and a lean into the door sill. Jinyoung gasped his eyes wide open, his hand stopped stroking as he was looking at you with pleading eyes, “I-I’m sorry,” he gulped as you got closer to him, looking at him with a scowl. Despite him being slightly taller by a few centimeters, he still looks and feels smaller than you, especially at this moment.

“I couldn’t help it, I j-j—“ You cut his pathetic talk by putting the gun into his cheek. His mouth was wide shut as he fearfully looked at the gun then back at you. You glided the gun across the face as his breath hitches, you stopped the gun at his mouth. “Open your mouth,” you growled at him, which he didn’t respond at first as he was too aroused to function. You shoved the weapon not too harsh that it could hurt him, but not too light, to wake him up to, which he just moaned.

”I didn’t even touch you, and yet you’re already fucked up,” you commented as you tugged his bottom lip with the gun making him whimper. You tapped his face and commanded again, “open.”

This time he complied and he stuck his tongue out, you lightly inserted the weapon into his mouth as he wrapped his mouth around it.

To say that the scenery was pornographic was an understatement. A man in his short skirt down on his knees sucking on a weapon as his superior is tugging on his hair, it was hot to look at, you and Jinyoung would agree. It was typical that Jinyoung is going dumb just for you, he’s willing to drop everything just to satisfy your needs. He loves you too much. And to see you enjoying his idea makes him feel really good.

~~~ ”Thats what you fucking get for being a dumb slut,” You thrusted your strap on onto your pretty boy’s hole as he grips into the sheets underneath him. His legs placed on your shoulder while your hips were moving in and out of him.

“I-I-I’m s-sorry! I’m not gonna do it again!” Jinyoung was a mess under you, he’s practically crying as he feels his hole getting stretched with pleasure. Tears rolling down his face as he feels his orgasm get closer. You can see that based on his face twist that he was getting closer so you stopped thrusting for the nth time, which caused him to whine and sob louder.

“Bad sluts like you don’t deserve to cum,” You leaned over, his leg still on your shoulder and squished his cheeks. His nose was tinted pink due to blissed out cry and the amount of times you’d edge him, and the fact you still resisted giving him what he want made him blush even more. You both love it, especially Jinyoung, who may love this more than you do. He loves getting edged and getting all this punishment. He was a walking masochist, and because he is what he is, you ended up loving it and use it for your advantage.

Despite his “apologies,” he always misbehaves just so he can get punished by his superior. He is a brat in disguise, and you love it. You love giving him the punishment that he ever so deserves, as much as you love degrading him and you absolutely love seeing him being at your mercy.

He simply looked up at you with teary eyes and says softly, “I’m a bad slut, but I’m your bad slut,” to which you smirked back at his claim.

Your Bad Slut. That’s exactly what he is.