#and to let myself feel that want without satisfaction would ruin me

[slutcore-starships]

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[luckykiwiii101]

FEEL LIKE OVER-CONSUMING?

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💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

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(Remind yourself of these facts whenever you feel doubtful, frustrated, stressed or like over consuming)

💕Do NOT focus on the 3D. Just focus on the 4D

💖The 3D is just the old state/assumptions manifested

💗I KNOW that I have everything I want no matter what the 3D shows

💞I Fulfil myself every time I think of my desire (surrender to the 4D)

💓I NEVER identify with the 3D unless it’s desired

🌸I KNOW that i’m not waiting for the 3D to conform. I am only making my desire natural to me. I am getting used to always having it.

🌺I am only REMINDING myself that I have what I want.

🌷Logic doesn’t exist

🎀I am NOT lying to myself!!!

💄NOTHING can “ruin” my manifestation

💐I Only see/hear what l want to see/hear

🩰I Only focus on the FEELING of having what I want, I return back to that feeling every time I think of my desire. I satisfy myself until i no longer need the feeling of satisfaction.

💗I don’t need to affirm or visualise etc all day.

🍬I only look for confirmation in the 4D. NEVER the 3D.

💘Creation is finished. It’s done.

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

Quotes from @loasuccessarchive from anons who manifested their dream lives:

💗 “I've manifested so much physical changes when i stopped thinking about how the 3d needs to change. i focused on how i feel (state of already having your desires) and sustained that feeling.”

💓 “I did absolutely nothing but focus on my desires/the 4D. I was delusional, I was detached from whatever bullshit was happening in my 3D and I was basically in love with my 4D.”

💞 “the only reason why you fail, is because you haven’t accepted that imagination is the only reality, everything stems from imagination. the longer you focus on getting it in the physical world, the more stress you’ll have. you only want the feeling such desire brings you, so give it to your inner man.”

💕”All i did was fulfill myself in my imagination, and stopped looking for confirmation in the outer world, whenever i felt the urge to “look for it in the 3D” i would close my eyes and see it in my imagination. That’s all i did, the first days i felt a little anxious but then everything was okay, and i was EXTREMELY calm.”

💖 “I started focusing on the feeling of having everything I wanted, without being specific because my subconscious/ god knows what it is, it’s when things started happening, and let me tell you it’s was so quick.”

“I didn’t work on my self concept, I didn’t do methods (however I tried SATs and it did work for me once but I stopped since I got lazy) I didn’t focus on time or logic, I didn’t do anything but focus on what was happening in my imagination.”

🎀 💋 “your only job in here is to think from the perspective that you already have it baby. don't stress yourself, everything will change because if it is in your imagination and you accept that it will reflect in the 3d, thats literally everything everything and everything . you don't need to change your thoughts, only your state, you want to get into the void this night? imagine however you want that you are waking up with everything you wanted, it is not a desire, it is the reality. you want proof? go to your imagination. everything is there.”

💋”the wish fulfilled isn’t something over exciting (although it may be at first) its just a natural and normal.” —> https://www.tumblr.com/etherealkissed88/737821647378284544/the-state-of-the-wish-fulfilled

P.S Ily 💗 XOXO

- gossip girl

[blueicequeen19]

Brothers Betrayal

Warnings: non-con, kidnapping, creampie, oral, face fucking, blackmail, abuse, etc

Next

I try to calm my breathing as I pull the Twinkie up in front of Tannyhill, barely killing the engine when I see Rafe emerge from the front door. The hard expression on his face is all the conformation I need. Images of last night play on loop in my head. The sweet words he whispered in my ear as he took my virginity. The way he held and caressed me like I was a treasure. The way I let him take my innocence and finish inside me without a condom. Then I let him fuck me again. By the time we were done, he had to change the sheets because of all the blood and cum then we showered and I let him take me again. I was still so sore I could feel it as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I could still feel him inside me. I craved it. I wanted it. There was too much passion and fire last night for it to have all been a lie. But I realize now that Rafe is a manipulator and I was just a pawn he used to make another move against the Pogues. The pranks have gotten out of hand and now my brother had paid the price.

I throw the door open and jump out. The rage I felt is back as I think about what John B is probably going through right now. Whatever this prank was, it's been taken too far. Kidnapping is too far. I march up the walkway of Tannyhill and up the steps to the white mansion before rearing back and slapping Rafe as hard as I can. At least I try. He catches my drawn wrist in one hand, his other hand wrapping around my throat as he shoves me against the door like I'm nothing more than a rag doll.

"Come back for more, doll? I've been thinking about that sweet pussy all day." Rafe growls, leaning in for a kiss. Like hell. I spit in his face and he laughs, smearing his face against mine.

"You motherfucker. Where is my brother?" I demand, attempting to knee him the way JJ showed me but Rafe is quicker, clamping his knees closed.

"What are you talking about? I was with you all night." Rafe smirks, eyeing my lips like he still wants to kiss me but I snarl at him.

"Topper and Kelc took him. I know they did. They're your goons so where. IS. HE?" I'm started to yell and Rafe looks around, like he's worried someone will see or hear so he shoves the door open and tosses me inside before locking the door behind him. My knees are trembling so badly I can barely hold myself up.

"You used me." I cry, wiping angrily at the tears I didn't realize were falling. My first time was perfect and now it was ruined. "You ruined everything!" Rafe advances on me, leading me deeper into the quiet mansion since his family is still on vacation.

"I told you I would. I told you that you'd hate me and I asked you if you were prepared for your family to hate you when they find out. You said you didn't care. You all but begged me to fuck you. I bet your little panties are wet right now." His words only add fuel to the fire, making me lash out with my fist with a cry of rage but I'm no match for him. Rafe knocks me down, pinning my squirming body to the cool hardwood as I scream profanities at him. I hated that he was right. I hated him for what he's done but my body wanted him. His touch made me weak. My resolve was slipping. I could hardly remember why I'd come here.

I gasp when his hand finds its way between my legs and he rubs the seam of my shorts against my clit. I buck against him, hating the way my body reacts to his touch and the way he's smiling in satisfaction.

"I can feel the heat of my pussy through your shorts." Rafe moans softly, before straightening to remove his belt. My eyes widen in surprise and I panic, struggling with all my might as he lifts up and rolls me over like I weigh nothing and binds my arms together with his belt.

"Where is my brother?! It's not a joke anymore!" I scream, not even fighting anymore as Rafe yanks my shorts and panties down my legs and buries his face between my cheeks, feasting like a man who didn't just spend all night inside me. I clamp my mouth shut, holding back any sounds that might escape as I press my forehead to the cool floor. The sounds of the obscene slurping of my wetness makes my face heat with humiliation.

"Rafe, please." I whisper, my legs shaking as he brings me right on the verge of an orgasm embarrassingly fast before stopping.

"God, you taste good." Rafe groans, lifting up and denying my release. The tears fall again in frustration, my body aching to have what he's withheld. My clit throbs in sync with my heartbeat so rapidly it hurts. I hardly notice Rafe manhandling me onto my knees or the feel of his bare thighs against mine as he rubs his huge cock through my soaked, greedy slit.

"Tell me where John B is. I'm begging you." I cry. A sharp smack lands against my ass and I yelp, my hands balling into fists at my back as he slaps me again and again as he works his cock inside me.

"Stop begging for your brother and beg me for this cock." Rafe snarls, using both hands to find leverage on my hips and thrusting the rest of the way inside me so hard I almost drop back down to the floor with a cry. He's too big and I'm still so sore from last night but the pleasure overpowers the pain. I moan like a dirty whore as he uses me, cursing and grunting with every powerful thrust. My face drags against the floor, my arms and hands are numb from loss of feeling and my knees are killing me but I don't tell him to stop. It feels like a never ending cycle of betrayal but my body doesn't care as my toes curl, my eyes start to roll back, and my pussy clamps down like a vice.

"Rafe, I-I.."

"Beg me to let you cum. Beg for me like you did last night."

"Please, Rafe, please." I scream, my body trembling as his hands tighten painfully on my hips, his nails biting the skin as he hammers into me like I'm nothing but I tool for his pleasure.

"Cum, slut." I hate when he calls me that but my body tightens further, everything suddenly going black as I cum so hard my knees give out and Rafe fucks me into the floor. His breath fans across my ear before he finds my shoulder and bites me in the place he did last night, sinking in his teeth so hard I sob as he releases a moment later, filling my body with his warmth so deeply that it hurts. He pulls out with a grunt, dragging his cum back out of me and leaving a warm, sticky mess as I try to gather myself. Rafe doesn't undo my hands as he slips me onto my back and enters me again, holding my legs firmly against his chest as he fucks his cum back into me.

"Rafe." My voice is barely more than a whisper. I'm practically delirious. He's making a mess but I can't seem to care as I watch the way his eyes burn into me, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth, sweat dripping down his face, all while still fully clothed.

"You weren't a prank." Rafe slams into me harder, my hands begging for relief as I scoot back and forth across the floor. I cum with a scream, my back arching off the floor as my body explodes with pure bliss. Minutes pass before I come back down and Rafe has pulled away, tucking himself away and looking like nothing happened while I look and feel like someone who was fucked hard.

“You distracted me so your two morons could take my brother. You made me a part of this stupid prank. You used me.” I rasp, sitting up and carefully sliding my panties back up my legs, ignoring the mess we’ve made.

“That’s not what it is now.” Rafe says cooly, watching as I stand and tug my shorts back up. His eyes move to the floor and I know he’s looking at the puddle of cum we’ve left but I refuse to look.

“I don’t believe you. I never will. You were nice to me! You manipulated me! I let you take my virginity because I thought—.”

“That I liked you? Y/N, your brother is literally my mortal enemy. He took my sister so I took his. I took your virginity because I wanted to. I’m not a nice guy but you knew that. You knew the consequences of this. The only problem now is that I don’t think I’m done with you yet and the moment I release your brother, I’ll never see you again.” My heart breaks in my chest, shattering into a million tiny pieces so abruptly that I have to catch myself on the couch to keep from collapsing.

“Is-is he alive?” I sob, hating how casual and careful Rafe looks in his khakis and fucking polo.

“Well, yea. He’s just holed up somewhere until I’m done with his sister.” Rafe shrugs, hands in his pockets and looking every bit the arrogant spoiled rich guy he is.

“You’re fucking psycho! What makes you think I’ll sleep with you ever again after this? You can’t just decide you want to keep me after you’ve manipulated me and used me. This isn’t even about me. It’s between the damn Kooks and Pogues.” I yell at him. Rafe smirks, running his hand over his buzzed head.

“No, it is about you. You’re John B’s most priced possession right next to my sister. It’s only fitting that I corrupt his sister the way he did mine. My father may never be the same after losing Sarah.”

“Well your father is a piece of shit.” I clip and Rafe’s smug facade drops. He lunges for me and I scream, taking off into a run and throwing myself up the stairs as he tramples after me.

“Run, little rabbit! The longer you let me play the sooner I’ll let your brother go!” Rafe calls as I make my way up another set of stairs, my entire body shaking with adrenaline as I sprint for the last door on the right. If I can get to a window I can climb onto the roof and scream for help until someone notices. I’d even jump into the pool at this point.

I barely get the knob turned when Rafe slams into my back, shoving the door open and throwing me onto the bed.

“Rafe, please.” I cry, trying not to stare as he rips his polo over his head and yanks off the remained of his clothing before straddling me on the bed and ripping my tank top in half.

“Keep begging. I like it.” Rafe hisses, his cock hard and bobbing towards his navel as if to prove his point. Rafe slams his mouth down on mine, his hands sliding under my bra to cup my breasts that he spent all night marking. I rear my hand back and slap his hard, making him bite my lip in the process as he yanks away and pins my arms down with a snarl.

“I will break your arm if you hit me again.” Rafe growls.

“Maybe you should break my legs too so I can’t run.” I spat without thinking. His wicked grin makes me instantly regret my words as he leans down to lick up the side of my face.

“Now there’s an idea. I could keep you in my basement and no one would know.” Rafe pinches my nipples before sliding up onto my chest and shoving his massive dick in my face. I look up at him with as much disgust as I can before he fists the top of my hair, making me cry out before he shoves his cock down my throat.

“Ahh, fuck yes. Get me nice and wet, baby.” Rafe groans as I choke and gag, tears streaming down my face. Just then it clicks. The basement. I’d bet anything that’s where John B is. It would have to be somewhere close. How else could he keep him alive?

“You know, I think I might love you.” Rafe chuckles, pulling back and claiming my mouth in a rough kiss before I can even catch my breath.

“You don’t hurt people you love.” I spat, watching as he crawls down my body and takes his time sucking each of my nipples into his mouth. I fist the comforter to refrain from crying out. He didn’t deserve to hear my sounds of pleasure.

“You do if you know they’ll leave you.” Rafe mumbles around my flesh in his mouth. His licks his way down my sternum, licking his lips as he comes face to face with my pussy.

“It didn’t have to be like this.” I bite out just as he swipes his tongue through my slit.

“Maybe it didn’t.” Rafe licks me lazily, like he’s got all the time in the world as he hauls my legs over his shoulders. “But John B would always be in the way. So if he can ruin my family, then I can ruin his.”

[chanisfantasy]

how does it feel?|Simon Ghost Riley x f!Reader

warning;smut english is not my first language, bear with me!<3 and have fun reading *wink wonk*

It's your birthday. Simon surprises you with him being in front of you in the flesh, wanting to spend your birthday with you, so he took a few days off.

You two go out to a restaurant, sitting next to eachother to feel his warmth, happy that he is here and well but you also had different plans. It's not really his fault but you have needs and want to tease him. And two you cannot really do it often... So you are slightly... desperate. Because his work is always in the way, from spending time with eachother. You start the conversation "how does it feel to have a young girlfriend, who is also pretty and sweet?" you giggle to yourself, shifting your focus on his face, while you are giving yourself compliments.

Simon smiles. “Pretty… and sweet are massive, massive compliments,” he replies. “Too massive to accurately describe just how beautiful… and just how amazing… my girlfriend really is.” He adds, with a little bit… even more pride to his voice with a bit more of a cocky smile to his face.

“It feels…” he starts, taking a deep breath… “Pretty darn… incredible...” he says, with a very sincere and very meaningful look right into your eyes.

You sigh, pleased with his reply. Let the teasing begin. You thought to yourself leaning into his ear,

"You're right, but I would also describe myself as obedient and devoted to you" you whisper, seductively, trying not to make it obvious to the passengers in the restaurant, that you are about to ruin your boyfriend, only with words.

He whips his head towards you, slight shock evident on his face.

…

"Fuckin' hell" he starts “really?” he asks. “Is that how you’d describe yourself?” He asks, with an playful and flirty tone to his voice… as a smirk starts to creep up his face, trying to get a hold of himself. You notice that he is trying to stay calm and you must admit he is good at it. But now you try even harder.

"Sure, because I really love to be treated by you as if I were your property in bed" you whisper again, now putting your hand on his thigh, stroking it painfully slow.

His breath goes completely short.

…

“My god…” he whispers breathlessly with a sly smirk and brows furrowed.

There is a little bit of surprise, but… mostly just pure satisfaction.

Wanting more of his reaction, you go even further. "You also like it when I obey you, follow your orders without saying anything" you continue to whisper in his ear, now slowly your hand is going further up, your pinky lightly touching his crotch, with a wicked smile on your pretty face.

His eyes keep getting bigger

"God…" he scoffs, gritting his teeth while frowning

Sweat are starting to build up on his forehead.

"My god…" he adds, now breathlessly… "I… oh yeah…" he whispers… still sounding breathless… "I really, really like that." he says, as he is trying really hard to keep calm Almost there... you thought to yourself

"I know you do..., because when I act all submissive to you, you always start to moan and groan..." you described his behaviour in an innocent tone, still whispering and mid-sentence, leaving a small quiet moan.

He leans in even closer… obvious that he is in the verge of breaking

"That's true…" he says… as if agreeing in a sly smile but still clenching his jaw… but also as if he's very eager to hear the rest of that thought.

In fact… he's so "eager" to hear the rest of that thought… "Please, go on. Tell me what that does to me…" he says, in a really seductive low voice. It starts to get to you but you won't stop and make him crumble. His deep low voice starting to make you horny and desperate for his touch but you still continue your plan.

"You start to get harder…" I start listing in a whisper "you start getting more rough with me…" your lips slightly touching his earlobe while you spoke

He is completely overwhelmed by everything you just said.

There is nothing else for him right now… except you.

He is just in… pure ecstasy, to the point where he cannot even control his breathing. It's slowly getting to him. You almost reach the point where you want him to be.

…

"And then what, love?" he whispers with a hint… of desperation. There's a huge grin on your face now that you have him where you want

"You fuck me so hard, making me scream your name, making me see heaven." you start lightly touching his crotch, feeling him harden

"You also start manhandling me as if I am an object, that you can purely use for your pleasure." you whisper, sounding like a siren that is seducing him with your sweet voice

Every… single… word you're saying is driving him mad with desire.

"That…" he whispers.

…

"Oh, fuck…" he trying to sort out his mind

…

"And what is the most enjoyable part of it for you?" he asks… but he's barely even able to say it but that sly grin won't leave his handsome face.

I got him.

"The most enjoyable for me is..., seeing you cum because of my pussy." you start...

"seeing how your face looks when you are feeling too much pleasure, how...how your face contorts", grabbing his crotch, palming his hardened cock.

"Fuuuucckkkkk…" he slightly throws his head back

He's almost unable to form words.

…

"God you are minx, you know that?" he whispers… breathing heavily, his deep, eager voice making you feel some type of way.

Yes, I definitely have him now under my control.

Leaning back you look at him in the eyes, with a satisfied smile..., "you wanna get in your car and then get in your back seat?" i ask innocently with a teasing smile, knowing i won and get what i want

"Fuck, love. You planned this didn't you?" he narrows his eyes, with a smirk on his face

You simply giggle to that

After a few seconds he nods his head. he follows where you lead him to his car.

You both get in his car, you look at him up and down as if you are hungry and ready for your meal.

"What are you looking at?" he asks, with just the slightest wicked smirk

"Do I please you?" he asks as he cocks up an eyebrow

His eyes slowly wandering your body, thinking to himself how he is about to ruin you.

"You do... you give me a lot of satisfaction and you're so good at doing it with your hands, your mouth or your cock." you purr, unable to control your lust any longer.

He nods his head, still smirking while looking at your body

“Oh yeah? Is that so?” he whispers, one eyebrow being up, now looking at your eyes with his dark ones.

“Well… what do you want, my sweet girl?” he asks, in a low and deep voice, the same low and deep voice that he only uses for special… things. You start getting more and more wet, his eyes and voice..., the way he speaks and calls you sweet girl is just ruining you. "ruin me in your backseat, make me unable to walk."

Without speaking, the only thing you feel is his lips on yours, almost devouring you like a hungry animal, wanting to taste you whole. You kiss him back, needy, desperate like the little slut you are. Wanting more, feeling your cunt getting wetter as you already think about him thrusting his big fat cock into you... thinking how he always says that you can take it when you trying to break free from his tight grip...

He breaks the kiss and looks down at you. He sees your swollen lips, few strands of hair in your face, your heavy breathing and your lips leaving sinful moans. With such a prospect he starts to grin, his lust almost unbearable. "Why did you stop" you whine, breathlessly. Wanting him to continue you pull his arm towards you. He doesn't budge. “Before I proceed… you gotta promise me something." He says, calmly You just furrow your brows in confusion. "Promise me that you won’t get… too loud." His voice has a little bit a tiny bit… of concern in it. You scoff at his request. "How can I not get loud when your huge cock fucks me 'till I see the light?" you question, clearly knowing that he won't say anything against it.

He snickers at your response, shaking his head slowly. Now having a cheeky smile on his face, "Good point." ... "Alright." he adds...

“… Are you ready?” Simon asks, in a deep and husky voice.

You start smiling "Yes..." But before you let him start satisfying you, you had to tease him again. "You like it when I moan loudly because you know it's happening because you fuck me so well" you sigh, aroused, ready to break this mans composure and self-control.

He moves closer to you, touching your underlip with his thumb "Fuckin' love it…" he whispers.

"I fuckin' love it, when you do." he continues, his voice becoming ever and ever deeper and huskier… as he starts to grow more and more turned on… as he starts to "lose control" of himself… ...You notice he is about to lose it, so you start smiling sweetly at him, "is it getting tight in your pants?" you tease, while looking down on his crotch, seeing his bulge.

"God, yes…" he replies without missing a beat.

…

He is utterly… unable to control himself… at all. "You did this to me, you little minx." he breathes out, now staring at your eyes with burning intensity. "Do you want me to take it off?", the teasing continues, as you are smiling at him crumbling apart. "Fuck, yes. Take it off, love." desperation in his voice is clear, urging you to take his pants off.

Your hands wander to his belt, slowly pulling it off on purpose, as you look him back in his darkening gaze, seeing how impatient he is. "Don't tease me, love. You and me know that it won't end well when you do." he warns. Making you feel butterflies in your stomach, feeling your clit tingle. As you pull it down, his cock pops out of his pants, greeting you and ready to fuck you. You inhale, "I love your cock so much, you know that...?" you say, unable to control yourself you lean into his member while holding it gently, licking his tip slowly while still holding eye contact. He never breaks it, he breathes in through gritted teeth, brows furrowed and a sweatdrop making his way down to his cheek. His brain...just... shuts down. ... All he can think about how he will manhandle you, use your small little hole, stretching your pussy so good with his massive cock, making you scream and marking your body as his as if you are the canvas and he is the painter. Thinking how he is going to choke you, bruising your neck..., or how he is going to smack the shit of your ass, leaving handprints. Decorating your neck, cleavage and breast with hickeys. Making your cunt sore, making you unable to walk. It just gets him going. "Oh, fuckin' hell" he groans, his member already starting to leak precum, while you suck him off good. Throwing his head back, feeling his dick throbbing. "You like it?" you ask, inaudible since your mouth is busy working on his cock, making slurping sounds. "God..., I do." he replies, his whole body shakes in pure ecstasy. As if he’s experiencing pure bliss. Heavy breathing from Simon and slurping sounds from you is the only thing to be heard in his car. You stop pleasing him with your mouth as you look up to him, still stroking his cock with your hand, "You gonna fuck me good?" "Fuck, I will ruin you, 'till that make-up is smudged on your face because of you crying. 'Cause I will fuck you so hard, you won't be able to walk, you hear me?" he says, as if it's a promise. You stop jerking him off, stand up from your seat and make him sit in the middle in the backseat. He does so, spreading his legs, his pulsating cock in his right hand, watching you with a smirk in his face, waiting for your next move. You throw your leg over his lap, straddling him. He raises his eyebrows, "Are you ready? You don't need me to loosen you up?" he asks, his eyes fixated on yours as you grip his broad shoulders with your hands, getting comfortable. "I'm so wet for you that it will slide in with no problem." you purr into his ears. He groans quietly in response, getting more aroused, not wanting to wait for him to plunge his cock inside of you. His hands on your butt, grabbing it hard, starting to kiss you passionately but hungry and aggressive. You slowly start to grind your wet slit on his throbbing member, it makes you moan into the kiss as he start breathing more heavily. You feel his grip on your ass tighten, digging his nails into your flesh, making you whine as you don't stop grinding.

Breaking the kiss, you moan sweetly, brows furrowed, mouth agape, eyes shut. This scenery is pure satisfaction for Simon, he growls, "You are teasing me again, love. Let me fuck you." You moan out his name in a sweet, desperate tone as you open your eyes, now looking at him with big eyes. Fuck it.

The next thing you feel is his cock thrusting into you, hard. It makes you yelp, short cutting your breathing, your arms flew around his neck, holding him tight.

"Fuck…" he breathes out, "You feel so fucking good around me, love." compliments leaving his lips… "You take me so well, baby." he breathes out, a slight deep moan escapes at the end of his sentence. You let out a high-pitched squeal, trying to get used to the size of his cock, breathing heavy. "Simon..." You moan out. Wrong fucking move.

He positions himself properly, holding with his arms around your waist, tightly. He starts pounding into your sweet, wet cunt without letting you get used to his size. I mean, it's your fault, isn't it? Why would you moan out his name like that? Even though you knew, it would make him loose all control? He starts fucking you senseless, hearing his grunts while you scream bloody murder in pleasure... already seeing the gate of heaven.  Chanting his name, gets him going. "Bloody fuckin' hell, you really want me to fuck you hard, huh?" he asks, "you're such a slut for me, baby." Hearing the sound of slapping skin, the windows getting foggy and the car moving as if there is an earthquake going on. He starts pulling your hair, you gasp. He pulls it even more so that you can now look into his eyes, into his dark eyes that are looking at you intensely. Your noses almost touch, you share the same air as you breathe and moan.

It makes you whine because you feel like he's not slowing down... "How does it feel? Tell me." You can't answer, you just can't as long as he fucks you and makes you feel like you're about to be split. "Fuckin' tell me! How does it feel?” He raises his voice slightly, he won't leave your gaze and doesn't slow down, at all. "It... It feels good!" You scream, "It feels so good, Simon!" You sob as you see him start to smile evilly. "Oh yeah..?" He raises an eyebrow and now picks up his pace, making you gasp. "Oh my god!" Is the only thing you can chant now, holding for dear life, throwing your head back and getting your pussy ruined as he goes deeper and deeper, not stopping any second. Simon has a high sex drive and lots of stamina, that means..., there will be more rounds. Doesn't matter if you are unable to walk or sore, you still want him to do that. You feel a hard smack on your butt, crying out his name. He just chuckles in a low, deep tone... amused by your reaction. "Tell me more, compliment me more, come on." he snickers. "Fuck, your cock is so big and thick, it also tastes so good. I love it, I love the way you fuck me...!" End of sentence, you feel him stop because he has noticed that you are about to climax. ... ...? You look up wide eyed confused and shocked why he stopped but what you meet is him with a huge grin, hearing him snicker. "Why- Why did you stop?" you question, desperation rising. He's still grinning and doesn't answer at first, tilting his head to the side while caressing your hip with his thumb "Fuck, Simon! Why did you stop?" you whine, trying to move while still sitting on his dick, but he holds you in place, still smiling while looking at you with loving and sweet eyes but what he is gon' say, isn't going to sound loving and sweet. "I warned you to not tease me, didn't I?" he asked, smiling wickedly now. Your eyes just widen more, "What- what are you saying...?" you start giggling, anxiously. "You really think that I'm gonna let you have your release? After you teased me in the restaurant and here in my car?" he scoffs, shaking his head lightly, chuckling in his low voice. "How adorable." He makes you stand up from his lap and put you to the seat next to him. He slowly sits up, putting his clothes back on. You just sit there in shock, still looking at him, mouth agape. He notices your stare and looks at you, trying hard to contain his laugh, "Baby, I warned you..." he starts to hide his smile with his hand, trying to be serious but clearly failing. "But thank you for all these compliments." he winks, now leaving the backseat, to sit on the front. You still sit there in shock, slowly realizing what happened. You hear the engine as he starts the car Simon speaks up, "Here, your clothes baby. You might get a cold, put it on" handing you over your clothes which were on the passenger seat. You sigh loudly and annoyed, putting them on, clearly upset. After putting the clothes on you leave the backseat as well, moving over to the passenger seat, turning away from him, as you cross your arms. He looks over to you, still trying to contain a laugh, "I love you, you know that." he say sweetly, "but you also know, that I don't like being teased or controlled." he snickered. "Fuck you." you simply say, gaining a laugh from Simon. He takes your hand in his, brings it up to his lips and kisses your knuckles gently, while driving you both home. "Happy Birthday, Love."

my first time writing smut or anything like that, hope you enjoyed xoxo

[virgoitgirl-blog]

How i managed to cut out sugar for four months now, as someone who has a sweet tooth:

disclaimers:

- im not an expert, this is what worked for me, helped me control my cravings. so it might not work for everyone.

- to be fair and honest, I would (some)times let myself have a taste of something that contained sugar but it didn’t happen often.

- I’m talking about (added) sugars.

- I consume fruits, honey, dates, natural sweeteners in general, artificially sweetened foods and drinks.

so let me start from the beginning, it was very hard at first…like VERY. And by first I mean the first 2 weeks. I used to crave sugar so badly especially when it’s right in front of me but I couldn’t have any. but it wasn’t right to cut it out completely from the start. it had to be reduced gradually and in moderation because if you suddenly stop having sugar you might lose control one day causing you to binge on it in one sitting. so what I used to do is: note before I start: I cut out sugary beverages completely even at the beginning…sugary drinks were a big no for me not even in moderation. Because a “drink” having too much sugar doesn’t feel right to me. 1. Start small by decreasing your portions, say I was invited somewhere and they served cake, normally I’d have the whole piece but I only ate half of it…that’s how I started. now I can say no to sweets without feeling like I’m forcing myself. (which wasn’t easy at all) you will reach a level where you won’t be tempted by sugar anymore, but it’s going to take much time and effort. note: if the cake was sugar free I’d have the whole piece lol. so start by decreasing your portions from time to time. Tip: say and think “I don’t eat sugar” instead of “im trying not to eat sugar anymore”, when you hear yourself say that it creates a sense of responsibility for your actions. 2. Find a substitute, when you’re trying to break any habit you should find a replacement to satisfy your cravings. At first my substitute used to be artificially sweetened foods, i consumed A LOT of them—artificially sweetened candy, chocolate, ice cream, etc. but i told myself that it’s okay because I’m trying to cut out sugar, I had to consume something that gave the same feeling and satisfaction till I stop craving it. I still consume artificially sweetened foods btw. I eat more fruits now and I even started to crave them whenever I needed something sweet, so artificial sweeteners and fruits were my substitutes for the cravings. Tip: find sugar-free recipes for whatever you crave and prepare them by yourself. You’ll feel good preparing something healthy and tasty for yourself. —a few weeks back: I was really craving a hot chocolate but where could I find a sugar free one? I searched and found a recipe, it was so good I felt so proud to make an actually good hot chocolate without adding sugar to it. 3. Don’t hide the sugary stuff from yourself, especially when you’re just starting because you need to see it to build discipline and ACTUALLY control yourself. It hurts I know but this is what helped me become capable of saying no to sweets I love when I’m offered some. Which leads me to my next point… 4. “Can’t I have a little bite?” You can if you really want to, it’s better not to but if it’s your favorite dessert, an occasional dessert, etc. you can let your self have a little. I do this rarely though I prefer not to. important to note: I only do this when I KNOW I can control myself and stick to just a small bite. maybe some would ask what about the progress? actually your progress will still go pretty well. a little of your favorite dessert won’t and can’t ruin months of progress. just to clarify: why “having little”? Because im not trying to consume too much sugar and risk triggering my body to crave sugar again, after all the effort I’ve put in. 5. Once you get used to it, sugary stuff will actually make you feel sick or disgusted when you consume them. You’ll feel like it’s too much because your body got used to not having sugar. 6. Have nutritious meals, especially for breakfast. A healthy balanced breakfast that will keep you satisfied can help reduce your cravings throughout the day. Pay attention to what makes you full and satisfied in the morning. 7. Some extra benefits that I noticed: - cutting out sugar helped me noticeably lose weight. - my skin looks better it used to be so dull. - my energy levels are better.

before I end this, I want to say that it wasn’t easy at all and I worked so hard on myself to stop craving added sugars, yes it will occupy your thinking at first but it will get easier I promise.

I didn’t know if I could do it at first but I did it, and I’m sure you can too if you’re planning to.🤍

that's the end, hope you find this useful.

[chaandbunny]

Forget Me Not — OC x Kiryu Kyosuke

During the Dark Signer arc. Prototype for a 5Ds rewrite, loosely based on World Championship 2010 that never came to fruition.

So yes, soft launching my 5Ds OC!

Summary: Two ghosts of the past, Kiryu Kyosuke who could never forget and Persephone Caelum who struggles to remember.

Fic can also be found on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/62339815

An abandoned clock tower forever stuck in the past, just like the rest of the Satellite. It wore the effects of its ruin with pride just as I did; that jagged maroon brand down my face, the Mark of the Giant engraved into my arm—both undeniable proof of my treason.

The Satellite’s fog had made this place feel like a graveyard. The only form of love inhabiting it were flowers blooming on the outside: clusters of blue, each with five petals and yellow centers. I plucked one flower out of the ground as I let my thoughts consume me.

Yusei…you couldn’t stop at pushing me to death, couldn’t you? Jack, Crow…none of them could keep her safe! None of my former teammates did anything to prevent my Persephone from getting taken away, after they eagerly pushed me into the depths of hell. The never ending torture of Sector Security; the brutal onslaught of their assault, jeering choruses of laughter and sneers at the withered, broken example of their authority. My deck, my pride…all of it, gone! That still wasn’t enough for any of them!

My Persephone…her very essence haunted this place. The one garden in the Satellite, wilted save for the flowers that mourned her. Her D-Wheel had stood without disturbance, neither white or gold left with a sign of rough play thanks to none other than myself. As I ventured into her home once more, my eyes wandered to the artwork that was plastered over rugged walls. The walls were a massive collage of Team Satisfaction’s legacy as we conquered the Satellite; Mixed in were depictions of various Duel Monsters in vivid green forests and towering coliseums amongst clouds, the watercolor just as vibrant as when she first painted each one. And as much as it would satisfy me to scratch through the faces of those traitors, the handiwork of Persephone is the most tangible part of her soul. Our precious memories.

Persephone’s splotched, olive hands and stained clothes never let my mind. The way she would stand on her toes to get closer to the people she drew...The way her wide, brown eyes looked at everything with wonder, and her freckles made her look like that of a deer—Bambi, I used to call her. I yearned to call her that nickname again, hoping that one day I’ll hear her voice rather than the deafening silence that answers it. I want to hear her scold me for being too rough with the plants she used to tend to. How she would erupt into a laugh even if she had lost a Duel, promising that her and her cards would get me back next time.

I refuse to rest in peace. Not until I make Yusei pay the debt he owes. Not until Persephone inevitably comes back to me.

The flower was crumpled up in my hand, a lone petal remaining in my hand as the others fell at my feet. My mark gleamed purple in the dim lighting of her tower. I couldn’t contain my anticipation, grinning ear to ear at the delicious thought of Yusei’s despair. In fact, the thought enticed me so much—a mere snicker had crescendoed into a cackle before I knew it.

Vengeance is mine, I will repay.

* * *

Even if I get a step closer each day, I still feel so far away.

My leads were very few: gut feeling, intense visions, and this worn, folded up paper I kept in my pocket. There were one drawing on each side, the front had a depiction of five people standing together over a building. Two of them were the champions, former and current—Jack Atlas and Yusei Fudo. I had no interactions with Jack Atlas, only the feeling of nostalgia when I saw him on the big screens, followed by a bitter aftertaste. Yusei I had encountered once at the Fortune Cup. He looked like he had seen a ghost, and when he called my name, the words caught in my throat.

“Persephone! Is that really you?”

”Seph, are you okay?”

How was I supposed to answer that first question? I think I’m Persephone (that’s what Divine said my name was). But the way Yusei called me was so … familiar, and my mind’s eye saw a glimpse of him without the criminal mark down the side of his face. That must mean that I had known him from somewhere else, but Divine had ushered—more like dragged—me back to headquarters, frantic in spite of his attempts to dust it off. “That Satellite was just trying to confuse you to get some pocket change. Pay no attention to him.”

Sure, Divine. It was nothing, with the way your gloved nails dug painfully into my shoulder. It was nothing, the way your eyes darted in every direction possible, like a cat almost slipping out of its bag. Nothing at all.

A few hours passed since that encounter. I still couldn’t recall any of the fine details, but at least two pieces of the puzzle were found. Now I have to figure out who was the one with the spiky orange hair and M-shaped criminal mark. All I knew was that face would flash in my mind whenever I would watch children play, the tender feeling soothing my spirit. However, the boy with the pale blue hair…

I had flipped to the other drawing, chartreuse eyes sparkling bright with courage and a duel disk on his arm. I wanted to know the dreams he had that made him duel with such resolve, and most of all…

Why did it hurt to look at him?

Why did my own eyes well up with tears, threatening to stain the page had I not tucked it back in time?

Why were there shards of glass piercing into my chest, leaving punctures I don’t have the means to cure? My head was scratching at itself to get myself to remember, it’s as if his essence itself was begging to be remembered—

“Seph!”

Aki’s distressed voice broke me out of my trance in a way that made me jump, my elbow slamming into a pot of flowers sitting on the windowsill. She had stabled the pot with one hand, which was now slightly hanging off the ledge. The other moved to cradle my arm, caressing the throbbing red skin. “What’s gotten into you? You’ve been in a daze for half an hour! Are you alright?”

That question again. But this time I had to push myself to answer, especially with the way Aki’s normally somber brown eyes were tender and furrowed in worry, “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” My eyes shifted away from her gaze, sheepish.

“Are you sure? That didn’t look fine to me.”

“I promise, Aki, I just got caught up in my own head again…” I let out an awkward chuckle, turning to readjust the pot on the windowsill while paying no mind to my throbbing elbow.

She raised an eyebrow, and I could tell she didn’t believe me for a second as she drew her hand away. Her gaze saw everything behind my eyes, “It was that drawing again, wasn’t it?”

“These flowers,” I commented, not only to redirect the attention but to observe the cluster. Each flower was blue, with five petals and a yellow center, “what were these called again?”

Her voice was tense, but she had resigned and flowed with the conversation. “Forget-me-nots. They bloom at the beginning of spring.”

“Do they have a meaning by chance?”

Aki looked off, a hand resting on her chin. “I’ve heard they often symbolize true love, and the desire of being remembered…how come?”

I spared one more glance at the drawing, “No reason.”

[crimsonredclover]

I feel like I might sink and drown and die.

From the moment I saw you, hunger bloomed inside me—an insatiable craving that I couldn't understand. You're so gorgeous, I can't say anything to your face, 'cause look at your face—too perfect, too tempting, like the sweetest thing I was never meant to taste. Every glance at you feels like starvation, every moment without you a painful ache gnawing at my ribs. You consume me first. You sink into my thoughts, burrow beneath my skin, carve yourself into the marrow of my being. And I'm so furious at you for making me feel this way—like I’d tear myself apart just to be closer to you, like love should be something devoured, something raw and all-consuming. You are both the hunger and the feast, the craving and the satisfaction, and I don't know whether I want to worship you or sink my teeth in deep. You ruin me in the most beautiful way. I would let you take me apart, piece by piece, let you press your fingerprints into every inch of me until there is nothing left but you. But what can I say? You're gorgeous. And I have never wanted anything more.

[cursedwithcaution]

Finding Palismen || Chapter 43: To Be Patched Up

It was hard to look at the O’Bailey costume; the wolf shirt was worse. And I didn’t care about the sloppy stitchwork. I could just get rid of them, but they are just clothes. They’ve clearly been washed. And all that stuff happened so long ago.  For now, they’re back in the box, under everything else. The patch-covered jacket, on the other hand, felt like a dream. I was in some kind of fugue state when I put everything on it. I was so excited. I was excited making the costume too. The whole time we were here, I got to choose what I wore. I’d never been able to do that before, not beyond socks I was able to keep hidden—and even those were a risk. This jacket, I didn’t even know what half the stuff was before I sewed it on. And yeah, it’s got two completely different sleeves, but I sewed it together. Making all this…I think it was the first time I liked myself. I started crying again. I was so close. I was happy. I hadn’t even realized that was an option. The closest thing I’d had to happiness was the satisfaction of doing what he wanted. It was always what he wanted. What he told me I needed. When I finally had what I wanted—when I finally let myself want anything—he punished me for it. He ruined it. He ruined my costume and my wolves, things I loved. He took you. He ruined me. And I’m still thinking about it. I can’t look at myself without thinking about it. I can’t be touched without feeling it. I wake up clawing at my skin. I thought getting rid of the poison would make it go away. But it was never about the poison. It always comes back to him. To me. I grabbed at my chest, clutched the fabric of my shirt, trying to feel you, searching for that warmth. All I could feel was my own heart, weak and racing. Why can I hear him and not you? Maybe, if I would just get over myself and be normal, I could’ve said yes to Willow.  Another want I let him ruin.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61310905/chapters/156705730

oh good ao3 links aren't working

Happy Valentine's Day! Or maybe... PALentine's day. Palentine. Like palismen + valentine. because the fic is called finding palismen. yep. hahaha.

[marie31joy]

The side unseen

I wish I could share with everyone who you are. I wish I could tell everyone how childish, and narcissistic you truly are. The fact that you appear like a good guy to everyone else frustrates me. How could I have missed the real you before we were married?

Over the past few years, I have made a great effort to put all the sufferings you inflicted behind me because I don’t want to give the kids a broken family. I can still remember how you used to push me away every time I tried to communicate about our relationship and how unavailable emotionally you are every time. It goes on for years. I set everything aside knowing that I am the last thing you will choose over everything in front of you. I am not going to settle for that kind of treatment ever again. Remember when you said "Humanap ka nalang ng iba kasi di ko kaya bigay ang hinihiling mo" on my birthday. I let it all pass, knowing that I am alone in this relationship. Taking it daily, my heart must have been strong enough to handle everything you have put me through. All the infidelity, the lies, the manipulation, and how you turn things around and make it look like I am the bad person for reacting to the physical, emotional, and mental abuse you put me through. You even called me crazy for saying what I feel. It hurt so bad that I even tried to kill myself. I took a handful of mefenamic acid in front of you and you didn’t even give a flinch and I wondered how I was still alive the next morning. I won't forget the time that I cried and begged for you to love me, but I got up the next day like nothing happened because I didn’t want to give "those people" the satisfaction of seeing me suffer. I won't forget how you treated me when I was pregnant with your child.  Being called “maarte” for the reason I would like to go to the hospital due to excessive nausea. It is because of hyperemesis but you still insist na pwede naman pigilan? I vomited blood. Like WTF, I was carrying the little child inside of me for you to think that I am intentionally harming myself. I just want to remind you the time I asked you to buy me food in the middle of the night because I was hungry and you bought me fried chicken from 711 when I already told you I don't want to eat fried food, and throw that packet of food straight to my face? While im fucking pregnant and was just asking for food in the middle of the night? I can still vividly remember everything that happened during those many nights that I begged to talk to you. I can still tell the pain of how I begged to be loved until the day I started begging for you to let me go.

I tried to get help from people who love you enough to talk to you, expecting somehow you will listen to them and will change for the better, for the sake of this family that we created. They loved you enough that all they could say was "pag pasensyahan mo na" to justify all you are doing and make it all valid. During those times that you were having an affair, I tried to talk to them too, but the first thing that came out to their mouth was "O sinong may kasalanan?" I was waiting for them to talk to you and teach you accountability. There was a time too that I told her about us having a fight, she told me na “kaya nga tinutulungan para di mag away.” Like ako ba lagi dahilan ng gulo? Did someone ever ask kung anong nagawa mo? Wala! All they can see is that I burst and fought. Without asking the reason for what happened. I know to myself that I am not going to explode unless I have too much. Yes, I am taking note of everything, hoping that someday I will get enough courage to expose what I have been through. Don't get me wrong, I am never a perfect wife, but I never intentionally do things that I know will ruin trust or anything. I even talk to church people but all I hear is that "gawin mo lahat ng makakaya mo, patawarin mo pero pag di parin ng bago, hindi mo na pananagutan yan sa harap ng Panginoon." Well, you did change and stopped having an affair but the way you treated me still says otherwise. I started questioning God why I needed to suffer that much from you. It is ruining me and everything in me. My mental health as well as I started to question my sanity.

The way you choose to ruin the business we've built so hard shows how irresponsible you truly are. Though you managed to fix it all on your own, I cannot trust you again as I know you were in circles and will repeat the pattern over and over, as well as the other businesses we've started, somehow did not grow, because you will choose to use the business money when problems arise rather than find another way to solve them. The ending is that I lost the fuckn business. I even booked your appointment to get your passport just to know na hindi mo kinuha dahil mahaba ang pila. I really would like both of us to come to Australia and build a life for the children, but it seems that we're not on the same page of the book. 

Don’t get me wrong again, I came here with the dream of having you and my children one day. I didn't come here to escape you or so, but do you remember the time when I told you that I was going to cut everyone who was not aligned with the dreams I have for my children? You never listen, you didn't take it seriously. As far as I can remember, I fixed and planned everything for your life to be easy before I left. From the very first month I arrived here, you ruined everything. I keep receiving chats from people about this and that and those are not going well. I tried to communicate but all I received was "Anong kailangan mo?!" You're saying na lagi akong galit kausap so you are not talking to me? While it should be the other way around. I am mad because you are not communicating with me. I lost 7kg in 3 months due to stress or maybe depression. How about the time I told you how alone and abandoned I felt because you could go days without checking on me? You answered, "Iniisip naman kita, kailangan pa ba ipamukha? " That is dumb! I went through a lot of suicidal thoughts and wanted to cut myself and all. I was alone and away. Having panic attacks all day and never-ending pain and noises running through my mind. For you to tell me that I am only looking after myself here, but you don’t understand everything that I am doing is for you and the children.

Whatever my decision was, has nothing to do with you or anyone else. I didn't even think of getting even. It's just about me my children and my happiness. If you think that I am doing things for revenge, sorry, I am not even thinking of you. I am moving on while in this relationship until one day, it's gone. Just know that it took me years and years to get the courage to let everything go. I woke up one day, I’m done crying and hurting. I somehow see myself mirroring the things you are putting me through. Thinking you might see yourself in me. Hindi ito "ganun ganun lang" and that for 13 years, na puro mali mo lang nakikita ko? FYI those things that you did are your responsibility and why would you even expect to be commended for the things that you should naturally be doing for your family? I have waited for years and years for you to man up and get your shit together. You should be the one in here and I should be at home taking care of my children. Please know that I can't wait forever. I know what I bring to the table and if you can't prove that we need you, you’re out. I made up my mind and all I think about is giving the best life to the children that I have birthed and my happiness. Don’t ever question the love I have for them. Don’t even question the loyalty I have for you all through those years, you know I stayed through everything. I risk everything just so I can get the life I always dreamed of.

I am not going to convince anyone. My real folks know how I had been treated and abused from the very beginning. They know how I keep showing big smiles and showing up to work with bruises on my face and body. They even mistaken me for going into dialysis because the bruises on my arm were so bad and that is ridiculous. We laugh it off and move on like everything is fine. They know how I endured being in this narcissistic relationship and how I tried and tried to fix anything for the sake of this family.  I am tired of minding what everyone thinks. All I have now is the dream that someday I will be able to give my children a better life. I am not going to make myself smaller just to make you comfortable and I am also tired of being the bigger person na laging umuunawa. I want to be heard at some point pero pinili ko manahimik and endure all the bullshit you are putting me through. I need to be wise for the boys. It disappointed me when my family asked me to fix it for the sake of the children. Why would I fix something I did not break? I would rather have a broken family than have my children grow up in a traumatic environment. It is funny too that you asked me if we can still be friends. That I can open up with you if something is bothering me here? Like you should have done that while we are together. I don't need you and I don't need your fake ass telling me you wanted to be friends with me. I am cutting you off and deleting you in my life. My whole life with you was all chaos and lies.

Oh! Did I just remember bad things? What about the good things he did? Like what? Bring me to work, prepare food for the children while I sleep? What else? The only beautiful thing you gave me was my children. To tell you honestly, what you are doing is the bare minimum. What are you proud of me for? The Unisilver wedding ring? Are your loans that I have benefited from? Who makes it harder to pay all that? You want me to do the wife thing while all you do is to give me craps and scraps. To the point that if I allow you to handle everything, you will do nothing but destroy. And no! Not this time. I have been covering you with my light. I have been doing the work in this relationship and all you think is yourself. You were sleeping while I worked at night, I was taking care of the children in the morning while you worked and I will sleep when someone takes over to look after them. Then you will blame me for the things you have done for me, when should it be your responsibility?

But wait, there's more. I left my dogs with you knowing you know how to take care of them. I have access to the CCTV to check on my dogs daily until one day I lose the access. I am asking you everyday if you have fed the dogs and if they are being washed, I keep ordering dog foods and anti tick medication only to know they are not being fed and washed since I left. And that you only feed them whenever you want to. Mauna mo pang paliguan ang motor bago ang mga aso. Until one of them died. That's the time I figured out how terrible their conditions are with you. They are infested with ticks and that is the reason they died. I am so guilty leaving my dear baby dogs with you. You are so cruel to them. Nakakatawa how you have the guts to post their pics like you lost something you have loved dearly, but in reality, they died of negligence. Nakakatawa how you have been posting on facebook how you choose distance over disrespect when I have all the rights to get mad at you, for ruining the business, finances, feeding my children funshots for dinner after buying parts for your new motorcycle, and killing my dogs? What else do you want to ruin in my life? I stayed silent away from you even though it kills me to know na wala ako nagawa to protect everything. You have ruined everything I left in your hands. Sana masaya ka sa ginawa mo. I wish you all the best.

Binigo ko nanaman ang mga tumaya. I had a bad habit of disappointing people but this time I will choose myself. Please forgive me for all the choices I made, you know what you did, and you know that it took me years to have this courage to finally get out of the situation. I am not coming back, even if you ruin everything, I worked so hard for and have me deported, I am not coming back to you. And for my family, I am tired being the bigger person. It gets me nowhere. I am tired of being asked to keep quiet to keep the peace when it crushes me from within. I know that I am going to disappoint you all again, but this time I am saying this most humbly. I am choosing myself.

[adamjamesrobert]

My Flavorful Escape with Razz Bar Vapes: Discovering the Ultimate Vape Journey

I’ve always been a fan of flavor-packed vaping experiences, and recently, I stumbled upon something that completely transformed my routine — the razz bar. It wasn’t just another vape brand; it was a game-changer in how I enjoy flavor, design, and satisfaction all in one sleek little device. The first puff was a mix of curiosity and instant comfort — smooth, aromatic, and honestly, a lot more fun than I expected.

Why I Gave Razz Bar a Try

Let me be honest — I was bored of the usual vape options. The market is saturated, and not many brands live up to their flavor claims. But razz bar caught my eye for a few reasons:

Premium build quality – It feels solid and durable.

Bold, real flavors – You can actually taste the difference.

Smooth hits – Perfect balance, not too harsh, not too light.

The best part? It didn’t feel like I was just vaping for the sake of it. Every puff was a flavorful escape.

My Hunt for More Flavors

After falling in love with razz bar, I naturally wanted more. I started looking up raz vape flavors nearby because, let’s face it, not every store carries the good stuff. And when you find something this good, you don’t want to wait days for delivery — you want it now.

Here’s what helped me:

Local vape directories: A quick search helped me locate nearby shops.

Authorized sellers: I always check for authenticity, especially with something I enjoy daily.

Staff recommendations: Don’t underestimate vape shop folks — they know what’s trending and what flavor fits your vibe.

That search turned out to be a blessing. I discovered several exciting options I hadn’t tried before and even got a few free samples just for being curious!

What Makes Razz Bar Stand Out?

You might be wondering — what’s the big deal? I’ve asked myself that too. Here's what makes razz bar my top choice:FeatureWhy I Love ItFlavor DepthIt’s not just sweet air — every flavor is rich and distinct.No Leak DesignI’ve had leaky vapes before, and trust me, that ruins the day.Long-lasting PuffsMore usage time means fewer replacements and more value.

These aren’t just marketing claims — I’ve tested multiple brands, and razz bar holds up impressively against even premium competitors.

My Favorite Flavor So Far

Now comes the fun part: flavors. There’s one that I can’t stop going back to — the raz vape mango colada. It’s tropical, creamy, and has just the right kick of mango freshness. If you're someone who enjoys a hint of the beach with every puff, this one is a must-try.

Here’s why it hits different:

Tropical vibe: It actually feels like a mini vacation.

Perfect blend: Mango and coconut don’t overpower each other.

Great aftertaste: Smooth, not syrupy.

It’s the kind of flavor that doesn’t just satisfy — it lingers in the best way possible.

Tips for Making the Most of Your Razz Bar

Over time, I’ve figured out some small things that make a big difference in enjoying razz bar to the fullest:

Store it upright: Helps avoid any internal leaking and keeps flavor intact.

Don’t chain-vape: A few minutes of pause between puffs makes it last longer.

Rotate flavors: Keeps your taste buds excited and avoids flavor fatigue.

Would I Recommend Razz Bar?

Without a doubt, yes. If you’re someone like me who enjoys exploring new flavors and wants a reliable, premium vaping experience, razz bar is worth every puff. It doesn’t feel like a generic device — it feels crafted for people who actually care about what they inhale.

So if you’re bored of your current vape, or just starting out and don’t know what to pick, give razz bar a shot. It just might become your go-to like it did for me.

Final Puff of Thought

There’s something incredibly personal about vaping — it’s not just about flavor, it’s about vibe, routine, and a moment of pause in your day. With razz bar, every puff feels like a little escape — bold, flavorful, and consistently satisfying. And if you're looking for the next flavor adventure, don't skip on razz vape mango colada. Trust me, it's a tropical daydream in vapor form.

[marvelia189]

Vindicta in the Flesh: The Philosophy of Subtle Retribution

I am vengeful.

I don’t start wars, but I end them when they center around me. People mistake my quiet demeanor for passivity, maybe even stupidity. They assume because I walk peacefully, I won’t fight back. How wrong they are. The most dangerous threats are always the least assuming. I’m not messy—not in any outward sense—but I know how to operate in the shadows, orchestrating chaos without ever dirtying my hands.

My revenge is never loud or obvious; it’s subtle, insidious. I never directly confront the people who harm me. Instead, I let them implode, allowing their own arrogance and stupidity to avenge me. I don't step on toes, I don't interfere where I'm not wanted. But when someone crosses me—intentionally, with the aim of breaking me down, making me feel less than human—something primal awakens. I can't overlook it. I won’t. It's not a matter of being the bigger person or letting it go. For me, revenge is a necessity—a completion of the cycle, a restoration of order within. And I always get it without ever lifting a finger.

People aren’t as clever as they think. They act impulsively, blind to the consequences of their actions. They assume victory because they see only the immediate. But me? I’m different. I am cunning, patient, deliberate. I don’t care how long it takes, I will have my vengeance. Because to target someone who’s never wronged you, to go out of your way to hurt them, isn’t just malicious—it’s foolish. Expending that kind of energy to put someone down? It’s the definition of stupidity. There are always better ways to invest your time and efforts.

And so, I wait. I watch. I use their weaknesses against them. I don’t need to tell them why their actions are flawed or why they are digging their own graves, because that would give them the insight to change. I stay silent because I am calculating, knowing that if I speak, they might actually learn and grow, and that’s the last thing I want. Why offer them the gift of awareness when I can watch them spiral?

They think my silence means submission, a sign of weakness, a retreat. How utterly mistaken they are. Their misplaced sense of superiority, built on such flimsy foundations, will crumble. And it’s always crumbling, even if they can’t see it. Their need to belittle others to sustain that false image of themselves is proof of how fragile they truly are. I watch them dig their own holes, deeper and deeper, until escape is impossible.

Meanwhile, I thrive. I focus on myself, turning every betrayal into wisdom, into strength. I grow—mentally, emotionally, physically. I become finer, stronger. Like wine, I improve with time. I love myself harder, flourish in my silence. And then, inevitably, the universe shows me what my patience has yielded. Cause and effect. Karma may be a myth, but cause and effect are very real. Their actions ripple outward and their consequences come crashing back—always worse than they anticipated.

Most people who build their egos on such shaky ground can never fix themselves. They’re trapped by their own delusions, unable to recognize the need for true change. They’ve sunk too much into their false identities to abandon them now. And so, I watch, silently rejoicing when their downfall arrives. I sing, I dance, I bask in the sweet satisfaction of their ruin. In the end, it is my silence that has spoken the loudest, that has avenged me without my ever having to break a sweat.

I am Vindicta in the flesh for a reason.

[dangerousthoughts3]

Day 6 of My Active Life

(Ok so I may have gotten distracted, but I think maybe for real this time…)

Wanting things is hard.  

Getting things is easy.  But… what to get????

Not sure why it’s something I’ve always struggled with, but I’m fairly certain it’s a mix of one of those ways I’m fucked up and ways I was fucked up.

As a baby my parents would buy me a handful of presents every year on Christmas.  I’ve rarely actually made a Christmas list (and when I do it’s usually ~1 item long).  But that was rarely what I received…

So I’d open a present as a toddler.  And then I’d leave to go play with my new toy.  My parents would fight me back to the tree so they could get the satisfaction of my joy at the next toy. And then I’d walk away with that toy… (I was stubborn. or ADD? Or something idk). 

As I grew up I remember so much fucking guilt with wanting.  

When I was in second grade I wanted a DS.  For my first communion my parents wanted to buy me a watch.  It was TRADITION.  I made a compelling case to get a DS instead. I loved that DS.  I hated myself for feeling like I’d ruined my parents joy. 

By the time I was in highschool I was pretty much completely empty.  My parents couldn’t control me with restricting my desires if I simply killed all of them.  

When my brothers warned my sister that “All men only want one thing” (a probably toxic idea, but one outside of the scope of this discussion) they hedged it without “except *insert real name here* he might actually be perfect”  of course their praise for my emptiness probably didn’t help… but perhaps the damage was already done. 

All of that is to say, answering honestly was gonna take some fucking work. 

And perhaps I’m still doing that work. 

But for today. 

I want to be passionate.  I want to be present.  I want to grow. 

I love what I do.  I love my hobbies. And the people around me often hate that.  Can’t tell you why honestly.  But I get more hate for working off hours than almost anything.  Fuck it do something you love and throw yourself at it.  Be the best and do it your way. 

I love to sit at a lake and stare out over the water.  Just sit and listen. Let my brain reset from the constant screaming and overstimulation that is life in the 21st century. 

I love to learn.  I’m pretty much always shoving something in my brain.  Whether it’s research on Chagas or the evolution of weaving practices in the middle east.  The world is so fucking beautiful and I only have so many years to experience it all. (Although finding the balance between knowing it and experiencing it is a new challenge in my life)

I don’t think that’s exactly what the question was asking, but it’s the truest answer I know. So it’s the answer I gave. 

Protinus Vive

[thatblackravenclaw]

I need you

Blog Details + My Library

author note: sorry! it's been about a month since i've written smut, so i'm kind of rusty.

Peter Parker x fem!reader

word count: 794

warning(s): smut, oral (fem receiving), fingering, nipple stimulation, not proofread (what's new), squirting

.

.

All I wanted was to read. That’s it. I was okay with Peter being here, because duh he’s the love of my life, but right now he’s on my last nerve. Ever since he walked in here with those puppy dog eyes, he’s been distracting me.

He would sigh every few seconds until I let him lay between my thighs. I’ll admit that having his head on the inside of my thigh so close to where I need most makes me clench around nothing with need, but this book is so good. I just got it yesterday and I’m about halfway through.

He stills for a moment which in any case would be beyond suspicious, but I don’t waste a second harping on it. I unconsciously start to read a bit faster because as much as I’ve ignored him being a brat, I want him so bad. It doesn’t help that his fingers start caressing my thigh. Very light touches, sending shivers down my body.

“May I help you?” I ask without taking my eyes off of the book.

“I need you.” Words that go straight down to my clit. I’m so glad I decided not to wear underwear.

I open my legs a little wider for him. I let him see how I’m worked up just as much as he is. The skirt of my nightgown pushed up to my hips.

“Fine, but I’m gonna keep reading.”

I feign annoyance, but god he better touch me soon or I’m going to lose it. He kisses my thigh before focusing on the wetness that covers the inside of my folds. I keen at the feeling while trying to focus on the words, knowing I won’t last long.

Without warning, he slips his middle and ring finger inside of me. A gasp escapes my throat and I feel myself slide down a bit into the bed. I slightly lose a grip on the book, but quickly get a hold of it. His strokes aren’t fast, but they aren’t slow. They reach deep inside me, and I feel it in my stomach. My hips involuntarily meet his thrusts, but my reading doesn’t waver. The words have started to become blurry, but I can’t let him have the satisfaction of knowing how quickly I surrender at his touch.

“Fuck, baby. You’re so wet. This all for me?” and then he starts kitten licking my clit. I give up and drop the book. I’ll be upset about losing my place later. I place the hand that was holding the book, behind his head to keep him in place.

“Yes, yes! A-All for you. Please.” I whimper out while giving up control.

He starts sucking on my clit while speeding up his thrusts. I feel my eyebrows furrow in pleasure a noise escapes my throat that I could only describe between a moan and a gasp. I use my other hand to pull down the strap of my nightgown to give me easier access to my breasts. I take my nipple between my thumb and index and pinch. The sensation goes down to my clit as Pete moans, doubling my pleasure.

I hear the sound of sloshing come from his direction. I know my sheets are ruined, but I look down anyway and am met with the sight of Peter humping the bed. The fact that he gets turned on just by eating me out makes my eyes roll to the back of my head. I wish I could’ve taken a picture or something. That image is gonna get me off for weeks.

My abdomen tightens and my moans get closer together.

“Baby, I’m- fuck- I’m coming.” His fingers hit deeper inside of me, and I hear my orgasm flow out of me, no doubt all of his face. Not that he minds. Starting to believe that he lives for it.

He “cleans me up” as he likes to say which is really just more overstimulation while my legs begin closing around his head at the feeling.

“Did you finish your book?” He asks with the smuggest fucking look on his face. I roll my eyes before pulling him up so that we’re face to face.

“Did you finish?” I tease while flicking my gaze towards his gray sweatpants that have a noticeable stain on the crotch. A blush takes over his cheeks. He hides his face in my neck while placing light kisses.

“It’s okay, baby. I just would have preferred for you to cum in me instead of your pants.”

He removes his face from the crook of my neck and glares at me mischievously. He gets off of the bed and slowly takes his pants off. I’m in for a long night and I can’t wait.  

[blu-joons]

Your First Time Being Affectionate In Front Of Another Member ~ Stray Kids Reaction

Bang Chan:

He couldn’t hide his relief as he walked off the stage, noticing you stood in the wings waiting for him. “Hug me,” he smirked, throwing his arms tightly around you.

You did as Chan said, moving your arms tightly around his waist. “You did so well, I’m not surprised your absolutely exhausted now,” you complimented into his ear.

“Cute,” you suddenly heard a voice mumble from behind you.

Both of you looked back to see Hyunjin watching the two of you closely. “Something you want to say a little louder?” Chan grinned, noticing the blush on Hyunjin’s cheeks.

“I’ve just never seen the two of you actually hug before, it’s cute,” he repeated, offering you both a warm smile, “you look good together like this.”

Chan’s brows knitted in confusion, “what are you trying to say we look like when we’re not hugging each other?” He challenged, “what’s so different.”

“Nothing,” Hyunjin chuckled, quickly correcting his mistake. “It’s just nice to see that you’re in love now rather than just constantly hearing you just say it.”

“I don’t constantly say it, don’t lie in front of Y/N.”

Lee Know:

You knew as soon as Minho pulled you to one side what his intentions were, pinning you up against the wall. “Stop, before someone ends up spotting us both.”

Minho’s head shook, pressing one of his hands against your crimson cheeks, “we’re all alone, don’t worry about any of them, just put lipstick on my lips, please.”

“Excuse me,” a voice coughed as soon as you pressed a kiss to Minho.

In an instant, you pulled away as Felix tried to walk down the corridor. “There are other routes you could take to the kitchen,” Minho hissed, stepping aside for him.

“But this way is quicker,” Felix smirked, smiling forcefully as he passed you by, “and I’m too nosey to ignore the fact I saw you both sneak away too.”

Minho’s eyes rolled, sensing your frustration from beside him. “Can’t you just hurry up and go to the kitchen so we can get back to what we were doing, before being interrupted?”

“I could,” Felix whined, extending every word, “but I wouldn’t get anywhere near as much satisfaction from winding you up if I went now.”

“Your impossible, do you know that? And everyone says your harmless.”

Changbin:

His hands grabbed onto you as soon as the door opened, knowing how tempted you’d be to run away. “Oh, hello?” Jisung smiled as he walked into the room.

Your eyes sent Changbin a glare, far too strong for you to get away from. “Don’t mind us,” Changbin smiled, pulling you back tightly against your chest.

“Don’t worry, I’m not stopping,” Jisung informed you both.

You buried yourself into Changbin’s chest, feeling his head rest against yours. “Don’t feel like you have to leave for us, we don’t mind you sticking around.”

“No, you guys look cute, I don’t want to disturb any moments,” Jisung quickly assured you both, grabbing what he wanted from around the room.

Whilst you remained hidden, Changbin spoke up once again, “the other members aren’t hiding out are they, because we’re here instead?”

“No,” Jisung chuckled, “they’re doing…well, whatever they’re doing. So, Y/N, you don’t have to get so red next time too, we honestly don’t mind you both.”

“See, I told you there was no reason to get embarrassed.”

Hyunjin:

A hand grabbed onto you, pulling you into the corridor of the dorm where a bit of privacy could be had. “Why don’t you stay the night, we can be quiet, right?”

Just as Hyunjin finished speaking, a bright light caught your eye, causing you to flinch into Hyunjin’s chest. “What the hell was that?” You questioned, covering your face.

“Shoot,” you heard a voice mutter, looking to see where it came from.

As Hyunjin noticed Jeongin stood staring at you both, he knew exactly what had happened. “Were you sneaking up on the two of us and taking photos?”

“Maybe,” Jeongin smirked, placing his phone away. “I wanted to prove to the boys how cute you were, but then the flash went off and ruined it.”

You grabbed onto Hyunjin’s hand to stop him approaching Jeongin. “You know, you could just tell them we’re cute rather than having to take a photo.”

“It was too good of an opportunity,” Jeongin argued, “no one’s ever really seen the two of you together before, and I wanted to use it against the others too.”

“So, you’re using our relationship as a bribe. I see how it is.”

Han:

Your eyes widened at the sound of the main door to the dorm opening, noticing Seungmin walking in. “Sorry, I thought everyone was in their rooms.”

You desperately tried to roll away from Jisung, but his arms stayed around your waist. “We just thought we’d make the most of the big sofa without anyone around.”

“I’ll leave you to two it in a minute then,” Seungmin smiled.

You finally relaxed as he walked into the kitchen to grab himself a drink. “Your members don’t want to see us being all cuddly, I thought we always agreed on that?”

“Don’t worry Y/N,” Seungmin called out from the kitchen, only leaving you more embarrassed. “We all adore how close the two of you are anyway.”

A groan escaped as Seungmin walked back into the room, “still, this is your home, I’ll make sure to be more respectful, even if Jisung decides otherwise.”

“He’s always rubbed your relationship in our faces, I don’t think you’ll be able to change that about him any time soon,” Seungmin teased.

“Give me time, I know his weaknesses remember.”

Felix:

As soon as the group were called, Felix pulled you up to your feet so that he could hug you tightly. “Congratulations,” you quickly whispered before having to let him go.

With the band already on their way to the stage, Chan hung back, throwing his arm around Felix. “Y/N’s a great girl, your really lucky to have her support.”

“Where’s this suddenly come from?” Felix quietly responded.

Chan’s eyes flickered back to you momentarily, noticing you sat back down. “I saw the way you hugged her in amongst all of the chaos, you’ve never been like that.”

“She’s great,” Felix agreed, turning back to look at you too. “I couldn’t help myself; it was just first instinct to grab onto her and celebrate too.”

Chan smiled across to his best friend, “I think that should tell you a lot about how you feel about her and how important she is to your life too.”

“I’m sure there were plenty of cameras around to catch the moment too,” Felix sighed, unable to completely let himself go with excitement.

“Don’t worry about it, sometimes life is too important to worry.”

Seungmin:

Your eyes rolled as Seungmin stepped towards you, glancing into the living room before pressing a kiss to your lips. “I saw that! A voice yelled, however.

Seungmin turned first, noticing Changbin’s face peering just around the wall at you both. “Can I not even get a moment to myself in this place without someone there?”

“I just knew you’d kiss her,” Changbin excitedly responded.

You hit gently against Seungmin’s chest, “I thought you assured me that no one would be around to see the two of us, let alone in a situation such as this.”

“No one was supposed to be around,” Seungmin argued, only for Changbin to poke his tongue out at him. “But some people just can’t help themselves.”

Changbin continued to stare back innocently, “I just wanted to be the first to see the two of you and tell you what a cute couple you make with one another.”

“Is this your way of an apology?” Seungmin questioned, “or are you going to let me get to say goodbye to Y/N properly before she heads home.”

“I’ll leave you alone, it’ll be like I was never here.”

I.N:

A shy smile appeared on Jeongin’s face as you walked into their dressing room, “I’m glad you could make it,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

Your eyes instantly locked with Minho who was stood just to the side. “Why are you smiling so wide?” You asked him as Jeongin pulled away, looking for himself.

“You look creepy,” Jeongin teased when he saw his wide grin.

Minho’s eyes flickered between the two of you, “I just enjoy seeing how in love you both are, and how comfortable you are to finally be affectionate with one another.”

“That’s why your smiling,” Jeongin groaned, pushing his elder against the arm. “I thought something really good had happened or something.

Minho looked wide eyed back across at him, “something good has just happened, the two of you. I don’t think I’ve said it before, but I’m really happy for you both.”

“Something about this doesn’t feel right,” you chuckled, glancing suspiciously at Minho. “Your never normally this nice, especially to me.”

“People change Y/N, especially at the sight of love.”

---

Masterlist

[the-apprentice-lia]

Hey! I saw that you do headcanons as well? Sorry if I’m asking in the right place but I loved your post on Asra’s hurt!! Could you possibly do the “mc getting slapped by the m6” ask please? My angsty little heart needs foodddd

hiii!! i’m so glad you liked my post:)) don’t worry, i’ll do my best to not cry when i’m writing this although it probably won’t work

i just wanna say that under no circumstances is it okay to hurt your partner!! please don’t take this post the wrong way:)

the main 6 slapping mc

asra

• it probably started because of how much he keeps from you. you know it’s just because he doesn’t want to see you hurt or unhappy because of how much of your life you’ve lost to your premature death, but it’s still so infuriating. you’re not a child, and you tell him as much.

• as much as you love each other, arguments can get messy. you know so much about each other that it’s difficult not to go for the soft parts in an argument, and you just snap.

• they’re probably running his hands through his hair, tears of frustration and pent up feelings slipping down his cheeks and catching the light of the many candles around the shop, making them glister strangely beneath the low light.

• “asra, you’re being ridiculous. how in the arcana am i supposed to know about who i was if you won’t fucking tell me?” you shout at them, crystals and glass bottles clinking together on the shelves.

• asra breaks, finally raising his voice as well, telling you that you’re acting like a child. you feel a twisted feeling of satisfaction at his loss of control. at least they’re actually treating you like a person— but you’re still so frustrated.’why can’t he just see that you’re not a china doll, easily broken and delicately made?

•you’re screaming now, tears blurring your vision. all you see is red. “if i’m acting like such a child then why did you even bother bringing me back? you should have just fucking left me to rot beneath the lazaret if you won’t so much as—” you’re cut off with a sharp crack.

• asra’s stronger than they look, and he wasn’t thinking as he lashed out in anger and pain, so you probably stumble back into the shelves behind you, or onto the counter of the shop.

• you touch your hand to your hot cheek with a dull feeling of surprise. it’s as if everything is through a haze, your gaze flickering up to meet asra’s horrified one as you take a step back, a dry sob heaving through your chest as your knees give out and you sink to the floor.

• “mc, i’m so sorry, i can’t— i don’t— please. i’m so sorry,” he stumbles over his words as he crouches before you, giving you enough space that you could easily leave. you don’t, and he breathes out slowly as they reach towards you and gently, heartbreakingly softly, cups your face to turn it towards him. he inhales sharply as he takes in your bruised cheekbone, red already beginning to spread outwards in the shape of his hand, and he flinches to see that he’s hurt you, his beloved apprentice.

• he opens his arms slowly, hesitantly, and you sink into them, burying your face in his scarves and then drawing back slightly with a faint hiss as your cheek touches the fabric, and he lets out a sob as well, burying his face in your sweet-smelling hair. murmurs “i’m sorry, i’m so sorry,” into you over and over again, rocking you back and forth on the floor of the shop.

• he’ll hurt for weeks after, even after the bruise fades, he’ll simply refuse to touch you for days after the incident. whispers “but what if i hurt you,” his voice breaking at the mere thought of it, and you cradle him to you, stroking his cheek as he shakes.

nadia

• the argument was probably about her refusing to ask for help. she’s been alone for so long that the refusal simply comes naturally. she has to prove that she can be successful alone, that she can make something of herself without anyone.

• at first, you tell her gently that she can trust you, that you’re always here for her, and that she doesn’t have to do this alone— but she doesn’t want to hear it, telling you insistently that she doesn’t need any help.

• “your dark circles would say otherwise, nadi! you can’t keep going on like this!” you tell her, your voice strained as you lay a hand on her arm. you just want to help her, but she won’t listen to you. “i can do it myself,” she tells you coldly, pulling away from you and turning back to her work. “i don’t need your help. i never have.”

• you feel the hurt blossom in your chest, but you try to push it down as you close her books, smudging the ink on a document by mistake. “nadi, please.” you tell her, but she doesn’t even seem to hear you as she opens her books and sets her jaw, looking at the ruined document. you bite your lip in dismay and go to apologise, but she cuts in before you get the chance. “you ruin everything. you’re such a nuisance, can you not find anything better to do with your time than to bother me? i am the countess of vesuvia, and i don’t need your help.” she’s shouting by the end of her outburst, and you recoil, hurt now showing across your face— but it’s quickly replaced by anger.

• you laugh disbelievingly, your voice spiteful and pained as you speak. “you don’t need my help? well that’s certainly a different tune than the one you were singing when you came to me in the middle of the night, asking for my help. and even then i gave it unbegrudgingly. you’re so stubborn, nadia! you’re so ridiculously naïve that you can’t even see that not everybody’s against you. so your sisters acted like every older sibling the world over, and excluded you from a few games. you carry grudges as if the world’s out to get you and nobody seeks to help you. you’re such a child! why—” your screaming cuts off at the sharp crack.

• you cry out at the sudden flare of pain. nadia’s also a lot stronger than she looks— i mean, she’s a master sword-fighter. and so, you stumble backwards into the marble table opposite her desk, turning away from her to catch your breath, your figure shaking with quiet sobs. everything seems to fall away, and you hold your arms around yourself in a poor attempt to keep your paroxysms of sobs quiet.

• nadia is completely silent. the jarring force snapped her out of whatever tired grumpiness she had been wallowing in, and now she’s just looking at her hands, a look of absolute horror twisting her features as she takes in the hand, resting palm-down on her knees, that she used to— to— she can’t even think about it. she has betrayed your trust, used your relationship, built on a foundation of love and mutual respect, to hurt you. it’s as if she’s seeing the world through a haze of disbelief. she’s taken advantage of your love for her, she’s physically violated you, and the thought of that leaves her physically ill. hot tears drop steadily into her lap, as she turns her hands over, and her eyes widen even more, if possible, with horror. blood glisters thickly on her index finger, coating the closest section to her palm where a golden ring sits. the countess of vesuvia never takes her rings off during the day, and she’s snapped out of her daze by the quiet hiss that comes from where you stand.

•when the first tears stream down your face, you hiss at the sharp pain, touching your fingers gently to your face and wincing as they come into contact with… is that a wound? you stare at them as they come away a deep, garnetine red. your hair is sticking to the blood running down your face from the wound. you sob dryly as the pain sets in, and by the gods it stings. it seems that even the air twists into your opened skin, burning sharply. you’re so lost in the mist of disbelief you barely notice when nadia comes up behind you.

• “my love?” her voice comes, softly, and you stiffen as she lays a hand on your upper arm. she withdraws it quickly as her voice breaks. “please, mc. say anything. look at me, i beg of you.” you don’t say anything for a minute before you inhale softly and turn to her.

• something in nadia breaks. she lifts shaking fingers up to her mouth as your eyes meet hers, and she takes in what she’s done to you. she’s sliced your upper-cheek open from just short of the bridge of your nose to almost the edge of your face. and the cut is deep. bruising spreads around it, in the shape of her hand, and she lets out a sob before dropping to her knees, taking your hand in hers. “by the arcana, mc, i am so, so sorry— i don’t know— i can’t— please, my love, i am so sorry,” she presses her forehead to your hand before you start to cry, sinking to your knees as well and burying your face in your hands, your shoulders shaking. you hiss softly as you draw your hand away and it comes away a glistening, wine-dark red.

• you flinch away from her as she comes to envelop you in a hug. “don’t. please,” you say softly, pulling yourself away from her. you leave bloodstains on the floor. her eyes hold inexplicable sorrow and remorse in them, as she nods haltingly, her heart breaking as she realises— you’re… afraid of her. later, she’ll bury her head into her pillow and sob her heart out but for now, she needs you to know to not be afraid of her. she loves you, you know that— and you need to know she’ll never violate the trust you put in her again.

• “mc… please. i’m so, so inexplicably sorry for what i’ve done to you. i promise it will never happen again.” her voice is soft, and she speaks to you as if you’re a wounded deer she’s found in the palace gardens, her voice breaking as she lets you see that she’s approaching you, her arms in front of her as she holds them out softly when she’s quite close to you.

• you look at her, meet her eyes with yours, and slowly settle into her embrace as she lets out a quiet sob of relief, burying her head in your hair. you pull away with a quiet gasp of pain when her hair meets your wound, and she cups your face (your good side) softly, stroking your cheek with her thumb as you close your eyes and she moves closer to you, giving you the time to pull away before her lips meet your forehead and she kisses you there gently before pressing one just above your cut and pulling you back to her, minding your cheek. you cry softly into her chest, and she does so into your hair. the two of you stay there until the blood starts to dry on your cheek and she stands, helping you up.

• “i’m taking you to the infirmary, dearest one.” “but… nadia.” you gesture to the state you’re in with a raised eyebrow. blood stains your collar and had dripped down your cheek in steady rivulets— and now your entire cheek is coated in blood. the cut itself is deep and thorough, splitting the skin so that the flesh beneath is easily visible, and the black, blue, and red flesh around your cut in the shape of nadia’s hand is enough that there is no room to doubt how your injury happened. “i’m your partner. there’s nobody else that would have done this— your entire court will know.” you look at her gently. “i can hide this.”

• and yet again, nadia’s heart is absolutely crushed. broken. shattered. “my heart, you should not have to hide what i have done. we’re going to the infirmary.”

• the entire way there, nadia weathers the stares and whispers with, for once, a bent head. you tighten your fingers around her hand— you know how important the favour of the court is. when you finally arrive, and you have to explain, haltingly, how you were injured, nadia gets a few looks of unbridled disgust as your injuries are treated. you squeeze her hand every now and again, and she looks at you gratefully. her eyes darken as you bite your lip roughly when the antiseptic meets it, your eyes watering as she strokes your hand, never taking her eyes away from you.

• afterwards, will absolutely doubt herself as a leader and a partner. no matter if you forgive her, no matter that the bruise fades and the wound heals, she’ll still always linger on your scar when she’s kissing your face, she’ll still murmur “i’m sorry, i’m so sorry, darling,” into your hair for months after.

• if anyone is so much as even vaguely disdainful towards you with respects to your scar, you’ll literally have to talk her down from having them thrown out/arrested. you forgive her, and she loves you with all of her— but when dark feelings surface now there’s absolutely nothing you can do that will even get a shadow of a rise out of her. is just calm and collected. never so much as raises her voice at you.

• will 100% look at you as you sleep and hate herself for harming you in any way.

hope you enjoyed the angst fest!! these were so long— but i’ll do the next four periodically:)

[the-iceni-bitch]

The Bitch is Back

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x fem!Reader (OTP)

Words: ~2.8k

Summary: You run into Ransom’s cunt of an ex again and it goes about as well as expected.

Warnings: explicit language, Ransom looking like a whole snack, fluff, that blonde bitch, Linda being a cunt, extremely abusive language and allusions to past emotional abuse, more angst than I had intended, my undying love for these two idiots, too many feelings

A/N: I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her! Sorry everyone, the angst took over this one and what I had intended to be another fun romp a la Girl Fight turned into a pit of emotion that I couldn’t dig myself out of. I’m gonna go cry.

“Baby, you know we can just go home, right?” Ransom gave you a tired but indulgent smile when he looked at you, tucking his fingers under your chin and tilting your head back so he could look into your eyes while you swallowed thickly.

“No, I’m not gonna give your mother the satisfaction of seeing me duck out of this thing.” You got that stubborn set to your jaw that told him to quit trying to take care of you, because proving to his bitch mother you could actually make it through one of these stupid events without causing some kind of scene was more important than your comfort right now.

You felt bile rise in your throat and swallowed it again. This was fucking ridiculous, you weren’t even on a boat, just the dock. But you still felt like you were going to vomit at any second, watching the motion of the boats rocking on the water making your gut lurch. It almost made you wonder if Linda knew about your stomach’s aversion to being on water when she had insisted on the two of you attending their fucking sailing club’s final regatta. 

“Here we go, one scopolamine patch.” You could’ve kissed Anne when she handed it to you, grateful that Ben’s boat was moored in this marina so you didn’t have to spend the rest of this stupid thing constantly swallowing your own vomit. “Why didn’t you bring your own?”

“She said she’d be fine if she didn’t actually go on the boats.” Ransom ignored the glare you shot him when he talked to Anne over your head, rubbing your arm softly when he pulled you closer to him.

“Did I tell you how much I hate that you two get along?” You frowned when Ransom pressed his lips to your hair, slapping the patch on your neck and sighing when you felt your stomach start to settle.

Anne just laughed at you, shaking her head as she sipped on her cocktail and leaned against Ben. The fact that this guy actually treated you like you deserved did a lot to endear him to her, even if he was an asshole sometimes.

You had been worried at first about introducing Anne to Ransom’s idiot friends, no matter how much they had grown on you. But your friend could hold her own, her no nonsense attitude endearing her to the girls as she chewed out Logan for some dumbass comment while Dylan and Chaz just chuckled that now there were two of you.

This was one of the few things that you actually felt out of your element with, since you could not give a single fuck about sailing with your stupid seasickness. But you could tell Ran was enjoying himself, and every fucking time he got near the water he looked so fucking windswept and dreamy so it was well worth the nausea. That was all gone now though, the scopolamine making you feel just the tiniest bit drowsy and pleasantly warm while Ran pulled you tight against his chest as he whistled for his team’s boat between nuzzling himself into your hair with pleased little hums. Even Linda giving you some vicious side eye couldn’t break you out of your good mood, the warmth of Ransom wrapped around you like a balm for your typical nervous energy. Then you heard Jess mutter an “oh shit” and the sound of a bratty, whiny voice broke right through your pleasant haze and made your spine stiffen.

“Rannie?” That fucking blonde bitch would show up to something like this, just to ruin your day. “I thought that was you. Oh, still with your tramp, I see.”

“Sloane.” His grip around you grew almost painfully tight, growling into your neck as he did his best to take deep breaths. “Don’t you have some puppies to skin, or something?”

You grabbed his hand and wound your fingers through his as you felt him tense up, pressing your lips to the inside of his wrist in an attempt to help him calm down. It had been your sincere hope that after you beat the shit out of this cunt you would never have to see her again, but when had you ever been that lucky?

“Aww, Rannie, thought you couldn’t talk without this bitch’s permission.” She looked mildly uncomfortable when you shifted your gaze to her, your eyes narrowing in a warning that she chose to ignore. “Been missing you a whole lot, baby, when’re you gonna stop slumming around?”

“What the fuck do you want, Sloane?” You were chanting over and over in your head that you were not going to fight this cunt, catching Anne starting to square up from the corner of your eye and giving her a small shake of the head to get her to stand down.

“I’m not talking to you, slut.” She must’ve been drunk, you had definitely taught her her lesson last time. “Just because you can give this bastard a good, sloppy fuck doesn’t mean you get to keep him. You don’t know what he really needs, and he’s too fucking stupid to tell you. God, you’re only sticking with him because he’s such a good fuck, right? That’s like, his only redeeming quality, except for the money. And you and your low class pussy don’t even know what to do with such a fine piece of eye candy.”

“Ok, you need to leave, Sloane.” Ransom may have been full of the anxiety he always felt around his ex, but the way your whole body was wound tight like a spring let him know you were ready to get violent. So he pressed a brief, soothing kiss to your hair and moved to guide this drunk bitch away from another beating.

“Don’t you fucking touch me, god, you really are a fucking moron.” Sloane jerked away from him when he tried to guide her away from your group, turning and sneering derisively at him. “Fuck’s sake, Linda was right, she really should have aborted you so we wouldn’t have to deal with your stupid bull shit.”

“What the fuck did you just say?” You reached your arm out to grip Ransom’s shoulder on instinct when he recoiled like he had been slapped, pulling him towards you protectively as you stared disbelieving at the people around you. “What the fuck did she just say?”

Sloane was just grinning at you wickedly as she sipped on her drink, like she had never and would never do anything wrong in her life. You almost forgot your promise you’d made to not get yourself kicked out of this event, but then Ran was clutching at your waist and making a choked sound and you turned back to him with concern.

There was no one to hold back Anne though, and she hadn’t made any promises about being on her best behavior. So she handed Ben her purse and punched that bitch right in the jaw.

You just gave a grateful look to your best friend before she bitch slapped that twat, security already starting to rush towards the fight as you guided Ransom towards the parking lot while he tried to regulate his breathing.

“Baby? Hey, Ran, look at me.” You’d never seen him look so completely lost, his eyes glistening with pent up emotion when you finally got him to look at you and you felt your heart break. “Oh honey, can you make it to the car?” He just nodded at you as another strangled sob escaped his throat and every fiber of your being ached to give him some form of comfort. “Ok, gimme the keys.”

He handed them to you and you wound your arm around him to guide him towards the beemer, letting him lean heavily on your shoulder and murmuring soft, soothing noises to him as you tried to think of something you could do for him. You knew that bitch was an abusive piece of work but Ran had been so hesitant to talk about it and you didn’t want to push him about it before he was ready, but if the way he reacted to her barb was any indication of how she treated him you might end up killing that bitch.

Ransom’s breathing seemed even more ragged by the time you reached the beemer, barely giving you a chance to shove the front seat down so the two of you could climb into the back and you could instruct him to stretch out over your lap. Your own throat was starting to get tight when he let out a wretched sob, the fingers of one hand running through his hair while the other smoothed over his chest as you watched his face closely.

“Baby, I need you to breathe for me, ok?” You were trying your best to keep your voice low and even, taking a deep breath and waiting for him to mirror your actions until he was pressing his face to your stomach with a piteous whine once his breathing had regulated slightly. “That’s it, you’re doing so good, Ran, just keep breathing.” 

He sighed deeply when you continued murmuring soft words of praise to him, his fingers curling over yours on his chest as he looked up at you and felt the softness of your gaze spread like warmth through his body. 

“I’m sorry.” He moaned when you pulled gently on his hair, his voice raspy with the tears he’d managed to swallow.

“No, baby.” You curled over him and brushed your lips over his forehead, trying not to cry when he wrapped his arms around your neck and let out another shaky breath. “You don’t apologize, ever, you hear me?”

“I thought I was over this shit.” He buried his face in your neck and breathed deep, your warm scent washing over him and finally making him relax. “I don’t want to put this on you.”

“Listen to me, Ransom.” You pulled back a little so you could gaze into his eyes, resting your forehead against his and maneuvering until you were laying next to him across the backseat. “I don’t know if you really think I’m just with you for the sex or what, but when I say I love you, I fucking mean it. I love all of you, so much, and that means that you can put all of it on me, ok? I’m not going anywhere.”

“Fuck, I love you, too.” He whined when you pressed your lips to his gently, drinking you in and pulling you to him as tight as possible when you let him deepen the kiss. “Need you so much.”

“I know, Ransom, I’m here.” You moved your lips up to his cheeks when he finally let his tears start to fall, kissing each one that stained his cheeks as you splayed your body over his while he held you. “My sweet boy, it’s ok. Let go for me, baby.”

He buried his face in your shoulder and did as you asked. It wasn’t loud or dramatic, but you could feel the warm wetness of his tears against the bare flesh of your neck while his chest heaved against yours. You cooed soft words of encouragement into his hair as he wept, letting a few of your own tears fall as you felt the tension slowly seep from his body.

Neither of you were sure how long you laid there tangled with each other, but eventually Ransom felt the last of the pain drain out of him until he was sinking against the seat with exhaustion. Having you there with him was like a balm for his soul, the way your eyes moved to search his once you felt him let out a deep sigh making his lips quirk in a small smile. His eyes were brilliantly blue from the tears he had shed, but you could see a glimmer of something hopeful there, and that made you relax. You sighed when he framed your face with his hands and pulled your lips back to his, the kiss chaste but full of emotion that he was too exhausted to vocalize at the moment.

“You ready to go home?” You pressed your hand over his heart when you leaned back a little, glad to feel that it had slowed down to a normal rhythm as he nodded for you. “Ok, you just stay back here and rest, alright? When we get home I’m gonna draw us a nice bath and we’ll just spend the rest of the day vegging.”

“That sounds good.” He watched you climb back into the front seat with a deep breath, squeezing your hand when you let it linger on his chest before letting you pull it away with reluctance.

You peeked at him through the rear view mirror before pulling out, relieved when you watched his eyes drift closed as he sagged into the seat and let his exhaustion take over. It almost hurt you how much you loved that man, and if you ever saw that cunt who hurt him again, there was a good chance you were going to jail for him.

Ransom was still dozing by the time you pulled up to the house, but he roused quickly when he felt you shake him awake. He let you help him out of the car and smiled warmly at you when you brought your hand up to cup his jaw, humming contentedly when you let him bury his face in your hair as you guided him into the house.

You pressed a kiss to his cheek once you were inside and instructed him to go to the en suite while you got some wine, watching him closely as he headed up the stairs before moving to grab a good bottle from the rack. There was a buzzing from your purse and you pulled out your phone, texting Anne that everything was ok and no, you didn’t need her to smash that bitch’s windows in. She was detailing all the ways she was going to fuck that cunt up and making you chuckle when suddenly the last caller ID you expected flashed across your screen.

“Can I help you with something, Linda?” You poured the Syrah into a decanter and moved to grab a couple of glasses, curious why exactly she was calling you.

“Y/N…” she sounded massively uncomfortable but you could not bring yourself to give a single fuck. “I just… I heard what Sloane said and I wanted to make sure Ransom was alright. He wasn’t answering my calls though.”

“Good for him.” You chewed on your lip as you considered what you wanted to say to her. “Was she lying?”

“What?”

“Did you tell your own child you should have aborted him? Or was that abusive cunt you kept forcing down your son’s throat being a lying bitch?” 

“I never… I didn’t tell him.” She still sounded like she thought she was in the right, and you might have spit in her face if she was in front of you.

“Oh, but you said it, didn’t you?” You sneered and downed the glass of wine you’d poured when you saw her number pop up. She didn’t deny it, and you quickly moved to pour yourself another glass. “You’re a fucking piece of work, Linda.”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.” You could  practically hear her spine straightening over the phone and you rolled your eyes at her. “You don’t know what it was like trying to raise him. Stubborn and spoiled and…”

“Goodbye, Linda. Don’t fucking call either of us again.” You hung up before she could continue, tossing your phone across the counter and draining your glass before grabbing the decanter and glasses before heading upstairs.

“Hey, baby.” He was already soaking when you walked into the steam filled en suite, his head leaning back against the edge of the drop in tub and giving you a lazy grin. “You have trouble picking a wine?”

“No.” You set the decanter and glasses on the tray at the tub’s edge and pinned your hair off your neck before getting undressed and sliding into the water with him. “I had to talk to your mother.” 

“Oh, you had to?” He pulled you against his chest and sighed when you tucked your face into his neck.

“Yeah, I wanted to make sure she didn’t disturb us for the rest of the weekend.” You took a deep breath when he started trailing his fingers over your spine, the warmth of the water seeping through your body and helping you relax as you sank into him. “You wanna talk about what happened?”

“Later.” His arms wound tightly around you, nuzzling into your hair and breathing in the scent of you that always made him feel like he was home. “Just wanna hold you for now.”