#and this is the beginning of a VERY long gender journey that they ultimately forget about in its entirety

[reputable-opportunist]

Another compilation of old Gravity Falls doodles

[x0401x]

Animate Times Interview with Centimillimental

Discussing his journey so far and his love for this series, saying that he “felt something like fate” upon coming across “Given”! Interviewing Centimillimental, who did the theme songs and sound production of the summer anime “Given”.

The artist Centimillimental composed the opening of the TV anime “Given”, which aired in Fuji TV’s Noitamina and gathered a great amount of attention. Garnering comments about the sound production of the show’s band, Given, he released the opening theme “Kizuato” as a single on September 11!!

This is the debuting work of the solo unit Centimillimental, in which Atsushi-san does the vocals, keyboard, guitar and programming. In this article, which is surprisingly his first-ever interview, we shall introduce plenty of his journey until reaching this point and his thoughts regarding “Given”!

His current style was earned through “wanting to express joy and sorrow with music” as much as possible.

——Thank you for your time today!

This is actually my first time being interviewed (laughs). I will be in your care.

——Your first interview?! Please let us ask all kinds of questions. Firstly, could you tell us about the origins of Centimillimental?

Although it has the name Centimillimental, this is a solo unit. Rather than a singer and songwriter, I am more of a solo artist with a band stance. But it was originally a band. The band name remained just the way it was... that is all.

——What sort of band was it?

A four-piece one, with myself in charge of the vocals and keyboard. The band had a style close to pop, with a lead guitar, bass and drums, but the members pulled out one after another... Ultimately, I was the only one left. For that reason, people from the live concert houses were quite uneasy. Like, “Does the vocalist have a nasty personality or something?” (laughs).

——(Laughs) That is so not true.

Each one quit for their own reasons. But I had an obsession with the band, so I was like, “I’ll do this even if it’s just out of stubbornness” (laughs). And so, the band name stayed.

——Atsushi-san, what are the roots of your admiration for bands?

My root is Remioromen. I actually used to play classic music. I was so much of a classics boy that I would... turn off the TV whenever a music program was starting, but when (an insert song) “Konayuki” started playing in the drama “1 Liter no Namida”, which I watched back in fifth grade, it had an impact on me. Like, “So a singing voice can be this cool when it accompanies a melody”. From then on, I began looking up to bands.

——How did you handle classics from that point onward?

I continued playing for a long time, until I was around 20 years old. But then I was charmed by pop music and could no longer dedicate myself to classics (strainer laugh). I used to dream of becoming a pianist, but I felt that the mindsets of classics and pop were different, and then chose the way of pop.

——When you think about it now, what do you believe to have been the reason that a classics boy had his heart stolen by pop?

I had the feeling... that something more essential for my inspiration was set on fire, so to say. I think this something also exists for people who like classic, but in my case, I personally felt joy at the fact that “their singing voice is cool”, “their words pierce me”. So I was like, “This is what I actually prefer”. Also, I was drawn to the freedom of pop. The world of classics is devoted to music sheets, so in concourses, for example, it is important whether or not you can play true to the sheets, but I end up playing the way I want to on my own accord. Which is why the judges’ votes became worse year after year (bitter laugh). During this, there were also people who told me, “This is an insult”... But if I were in a world of originals where I could give birth to my own songs, wouldn’t my beliefs be justice? So I started to think that I was “the kind of person who wants to express himself freely”. To begin with, I have liked creating things since the distant past. I used to write stories of my own and making picture books with them in preschool, and from first grade on, I would be writing song compositions and poems. At any rate, I like creating things, so wouldn’t making them freely suit me better?

——So, if it is on the topic of “wanting to create things freely”, the way you are now is best, in a sense?

That is right (laughs). My degree of freedom has increased ever since I went solo. One of the reasons the band did not work was that my ideals and the image of my unshakable, inertial nature were very strong. I believe that so-called bands are supposed to get together in a studio and consolidate and gather up arrangements, but right as we formed ours, I would take the stance of writing down everyone’s parts and saying, “I want you to play this”. So I think that the current Centimillimental is what turned out from me doing everything I could, the place that I was supposed to reach.

——Nowadays, you are in charge of all parts, right? Did you play instruments other than piano from the start?

That is not the case. When our guitarist left the band, I did not want the quality of our music to be reduced, so I thought about supplementing it somehow, then learned how to play guitar. Also, I had to put my heart into it, but I started studying bass and drums when the others left, wondering if I could cover for them. The fact that the members pulled out had an influence on it.

——How was it coming in contact with instruments besides the piano?

The structures are completely different. Bands are formed so that each person can compensate for the other. When it comes to the beauty of such arrangements, I came to feel them more keenly the more I delved into them. And then I started obsessing with the arrangements.

——After these twists and turns, did Centimillimental become in 2015 what it is now?

No, there were actually twists and turns from this point on too... There was once a time when the band became just the bassist and me. Back then, the band was not doing too well, so we decided to do a different unit. That was the band called “Nee, Wasurenaide Ne” (“Hey, Don’t Forget”). In the end, I mostly had to do it by myself, but doing things separately from the main activities gave me a high degree of freedom. And then people started finding us interesting and we gradually earned their praise. For me, that was extremely frustrating (laughs

——So it became a “sub”-like band.

That is right. And then I thought about quitting, so I applied for an audience as a commemoration for quitting, to make one last memory... but then the work I had applied won a Grand Prix. I was like, “No way!?”. This happened in summer 2015. And that was when the main and sub switched (laughs). And so, only the band’s original name remained. The label respects us in the sense that we “can make the music that we always wanted to”.

——What is the origin of the band name “Centimillimental”?

“Remioromen” is a coined word, so I looked up to a coined word in katakana. I personally like katakana. Plus, I like “sentimental” things. That sentimental feeling when you are going home after a fun day thinking, “Today was a good day” and it suddenly makes you feel lonely, or that sentimental mood from when you are purely sad... I believe that sentimental emotions regarding anything are something that we should nestle close to. I had this thinking that I want to express joy and sorrow with music, so while using “sentimental” as the pillar, I added the “milli” with the meaning of “not being too caught up with it”.

——Come to think of it, both “Given” and “Kizuato” are written in katakana.

I guess I have a connection with katakana (laughs). If the words are in kanji or in hiragana, doesn’t that change the appearance and interpretation of each? While katakana has a coldness to it, it doesn’t feel too sharp. I have the feeling that these kinds of words are interesting.

“Gender doesn’t matter when you’re in love with someone.” – He also has experience with composing music having a BL series as the impetus?!

——How did you feel when you received the proposal about “Given”?

It was the first tie-up of my life, so I turned into a mess of nervousness, uncertainty and expectations. But “Given” is a series about music and the theme is bands, which was something I looked up to. Moreover, rather than just the sparkle and shine of a band, it also focuses on sadness, the tremor from losing something... these delicate parts of it.

I think music has a close relationship with meetings and partings, so I felt happiness to be involved with a series that faces this directly. It was like something that was supposed to come at me had arrived, and at the same time, I felt something similar to destiny. That was my first impression.

——The sensible portrayal is one of the charms of this series, right? I read on the topic that this series was the first-ever BL comic that Noitamina has adapted into anime, and there is an indescribable appeal in the words “boys’ love”...

It allows you to smoothly immerse yourself into their worldview, right?

I have bought a BL manga in the past. In my middle school days, buying a book after looking at just the title was trending. At the time, what I took in my hands was a short story collection titled “Saigo no Sangatsu”. I thought at first, “I might’ve jumped into a terrible world!” but turns out it was a really good work...

Gender doesn’t matter when you love someone; it’s all the same. It was a really good work, so I was quick to wrote a song for it (laughs).

——That is a good story. By the way, did you use to watch anime back then?

I was not the type to watch anime in-depth. But what I thought to be odd was that, whenever you finish watching a series, doesn’t the way that you listen to the opening themes, ending themes and insert songs change?

Through the filter that is the series, the tone of the music changes, and the story stands out instead as the music overlaps with it... While watching, I would find myself thinking that this way of snuggling up to the music was interesting.

——What were your impressions when you read the original work of “Given”?

Kizu Natsuki-sensei’s focused viewpoint on pain is quite sharp. Her poetic depictions, which sometimes get you caught in them, are impactful and sensible. I thought it was a series that cherished words a lot. Since it is a manga, I think the art is the main point, of course, but I felt a literary beauty in it that resides not just in the drawings. It also felt close to the world of songs that I take part in, so I truly had the feeling that it was fate.

——So the image of the song came readily to you?

Right you are. That is where I arrived once I wrote down my own perspective of romantic love and the ways that people become involved with each other. The sense of suitability was incredible. That’s why I was able to write it so frankly, managed to say what I wanted to, and got close to the series. I feel that the compatibility was really good.

But of course, there were walls. I write even the arrangements by myself, so I had to make changes over and over, and I had never had any experiences with being the producer of a band before, so there were things I was not used to. Also, my main instrument is the piano, but there is no piano in the show. That’s why I had to delve into the guitar, so there I had a hard time sound-wise...

“I want it to be an important song for everyone from ‘Given’ too!”

——Can you tell us about your particularities regarding the sound of “Kizuato”?

For the anime size version, I purposely sealed away the piano and classic strings that I had been specializing in until now. For the whole song, in order to nestle closer to “Given”, I cherished the band’s scene, with a guitar, bass and drums.

——I felt a big meaning in the fact that it starts with a breath. Is it something that you gave importance to?

I like the sharpness of songs that start with the singing. That feeling of getting taken aback without thinking. Same goes for sighing - I feel that people’s emotions mount on their breathing. Through “the drawing of a breath”, you can sense a beauty and strength unique of vocal songs. For that reason, I cherished the breaths from the very start.

I also think that the breaths are very important in “Given”. For example, in the teaser trailer, the video ends with a breath, and in the PV, the scenes change with breaths too. That’s why I think it was good to be able to start the song like this.

——I felt that the lyrics portrayed the sensible feelings of all four, starting with Mafuyu, but how was it made?

They are human beings, so I think there is definitely a part of their emotions somewhere that they can share. The loneliness and agony of losing something, the conflicts of loving someone... anyone has that. I looked for keywords that would connect everyone from “Given”, including me. For me and for all the characters that appear in “Given”, it could not be a lie...

——The “four seasons” bit in the lyrics was also a good keyword.

I think that is one of the main points of the series, and that this part of it can connect even within me.

——The words “I can hear it and it’s still real, so I’ll carry your heart in your place” from the latter half are extremely painful, but at the same time, it conveys resolve and determination. Were you conscious of the machinations of their hearts or something like that within the song?

I think it is wonderful when emotions get into motion as the song goes on. Aren’t there moments in everyday life where wounds heal little by little and changes of heart where we try to get back on our feet even if they do not heal? I like story-songs that head towards hope in this fashion. I also want everyone in “Given” to be happy. I gave importance to how they should head towards hope while sharing those wounds.

——The song changes dramatically after the aforementioned verse.

I finished it with a classic orchestra sound. That is one of the strong points of my music, so I had the desire to approach “Given” through it. If I sealed away my music too much and made it into just a “Given” song, it would feel like I was standing on formality. I am a person who gets hurt and even so lives on crying and laughing, just like them. I pieced together that part of the song because I wanted to convey this message.

——So you let your uniqueness show in order to join hands with “Given”. Indeed, both with love and friendship, getting close to the other person is not all there is to it.

Right. That alone is not a connection, and you end up concluding that your own love is too deep... I believe there is a 50:50 beauty to it. Isn’t that what acknowledging one another and joining hands means?

“Kizuato” is my debut song and an important song for me. That’s why I also want it to be an important song for everyone from Given (the band). I thought about intersecting that. After thinking a lot, I managed to change the charm between the anime size and the full size.

At the beginning of the A-melody from the second chorus, I tried changing the rhythm, transforming it into an electro loop, and did all sorts of approaches. I hoped it would be wide-ranging as music.

——How did you feel when you watched the opening?

I was extremely moved. I had gathered with all the recording members to watch it, and everyone shared their joy too. It was a really good scene.

Having my own music playing in sync with an animation was my dream, so I was tremendously happy, and I felt like I had connected with the viewers who had the same feeling... I was truly overjoyed.

When I looked on Twitter, people had written up several opinions, making me go, “So there’s this many people enjoying my music”.

“It’s exactly because the desire to protect someone isn’t something simple that we feel uncertain.”

——Other than the OP, you also did the sound production of the band Given, so what impressions did you have from the production work?

I already liked production work to begin with. Until then, I had been doing producer-like things, such as arrangements for the musical compositions of artists around me, but this was my first time doing production as a job.

I mentioned Remioromen earlier, but I also looked up to Kobayashi Takeshi-san, who was Remioromen’s producer as well, so I had also wanted to work on production one day.

——Given’s debut single, “Maru Tsuke/Fuyu no Hanashi”, was released on September 18 2019. “Maru Tsuke” is also included in Centimillimeter’s single as a self-cover, but what kind of route did you take to complete this song?

To tell the truth, I had a song called “Maru Tsuke” for quite a long time. I already had its base form since 2015, so the song was in a state similar to an accompaniment material.

“Maru Tsuke” came into light during the meetings, and I didn’t think this song would have made it into the topic of discussions, so I was surprised. I was anxious at first, but when I tried facing it once again, there were so many fitting aspects to it that it even made me say, “So it can get this close to the series”. I felt like it connected with “Given” on a deep level, despite not having written that song for it.

——Holding someone dear, becoming a coward because of it, shouldering all sorts of feelings, and continuing to live in spite of that... What you talk about in “Maru Tsuke” might be things that everyone thinks.

The moment you start loving someone, you feel fear at the same time and become fragile. It’s exactly because the desire to protect someone isn’t something simple that we feel uncertain, and there is not only light to it, but I think loving someone is something beautiful. I get the sense that this swirling feeling itself is beautiful. That is what I threw into the song, and it was also one of the themes of “Given”. The fact that I managed to connect them goes without saying, but it’s like being told that I wasn’t mistaken about the things I gave importance to, which made me happy. In order to connect even better, I reconstructed the sound making and structure one more time, aiming for higher heights as a composition for “Given”.

——What were you conscious of for the direction?

Yano Shougo-san (the voice of Mafuyu) is a workaholic, so he sings all sorts of songs, but I thought there was a difference between songs sung by band vocalists and songs sung by voice actors. So I figured that it would be good if I could share with him the methods of band vocalists and band sounds in my own way, thus I have him that kind of direction.

I was also very conscious of “conveying words”. I believe that the author, Kizu Natsuki-sensei (who is also a producer of Given), also cherished words a lot. I think this also reflects on the songs.

——Was there anything you felt when you actually conducted the production?

First of all, I was extremely happy that a song I made was sung. It was expressed in a way that I myself couldn’t do, and even if the emotions are the same, the way people view it changes depending on who’s singing. Seeing it hand-in-hand with the series, spreading up just like that and growing bigger made me happy.

——The other song, “Fuyu no Hanashi”, played during the show in episode nine.

From the very beginning, there was already a song titled “Fuyu no Hanashi” in the drama CD, but this song began from me creating a new “Fuyu no Hanashi”. “Fuyu no Hanashi” already existed for the fans, so I saw plenty of everyone’s love for it on Twitter and such, and also how it comes close to their daily lives. I dreaded painting over it, but... I believed it was fate that I had received this proposal, so I thought, “I’m going to do all I can”. While there was pressure, there was also joy, so it was a strange feeling.

To tell the truth, when I received the proposal for “Given”, the offer for “Fuyu no Hanashi” came first-thing. That’s why I actually started the production from there. Afterward, I received proposals for the session track that plays in the middle of the show and for the theme songs... That is how it went.

——Was that so?! The seed, the piece that would give you most pressure came first, so to say.

That’s right. But for me, this was a comfortable wall. I worked on it while thinking that, if I could make many people happy with it, then it would be a big step for me.

——What kind of feelings did you put into it?

I figured it would probably be used for the live concert scene in the middle of the show, so I read the scene and imagined the concert over and over. In the drama CD, it could only be portrayed with sounds and voices, so I think they probably gave importance to how they would insert the monologues into the lyrics. In the anime’s case, there would be an animation accompanying the song, so I reflected on what the “Fuyu no Hanashi” that I could compose was. Like a shout for a person who has been lost... It’s a requiem, but also a follow-up of one’s true intentions... I wanted to treasure those messed-up feelings. Also, I thought it was a song that had been preciously loved until then, so I had a strong sense of duty not to ruin this.

Being involved with “Given” changed his life!!

——Could you also tell us about the track “Sessions” (The Seasons) that plays during the show?

I received the proposal for this one after “Fuyu no Hanashi”. “There’s a scene in the show that goes like this, so if you’d like, couldn’t you make a track for it,” they asked.

I had never made an actual instrumental band track. Counting the fact that three pieces had already been decided for the story, it was quite a pressure on me.

When I actually watched the scene where they are performing it in the anime, my spirits went right up. Like, “So this is how the band will go”. The sensation that oozed from my hands and spread into me felt truly good.

——Lastly, Atsushi-san, could you tell us... about the things you have realized and earned through the music production of “Given”?

It’s a series that has several places where everyone can join hands. I think that is exactly why so many fans love this work.

Being involved with “Given” has changed my notions of life, and I feel that it was a huge feat, if only for my musical life. I am filled to the brim with happy feelings for being part of it.

——Thank you very much for telling us so many things today.

[kcwcommentary]

VLD7x02 – “The Road Home”

7x02 – “The Road Home”

This episode is an absolute mess. It’s also a pointless episode: You could remove nearly the entire episode, and nothing would change in the series. A third of the episode is casual supposed-humor, and the rest is an endless battle sequence with faceless enemies. The episode wastes so much time. The visuals of the action sequence are poorly storyboarded with little sense of staging and cohesive logistics. And the episode is offensively ableist regarding Shiro.

Pidge is still trying to contact Earth, but no one answers. This was briefly set up last episode but continuing to build here. Everyone is still hanging out on this planet. Last episode and again right now, the show gives a lot of time for Hunk and Romelle to talk to each other. I think everything else that happens in season seven overshadowed my paying attention to this the first time I watched it, but I wonder how much of the fandom thought the show was setting up a romance between these two. If this scene functions within the framework of a potential romance, then this moment is adherent to traditional gender behavior: a guy brags about himself and a girl is impressed. There is a lot that is stereotypical and cliché to romance in this show.

Maybe it’s just me in this moment, but everyone setting up to leave on their journey to Earth seems like it’s just using up time. The sequence is played for humor, the characters debating which animal rides in which Lion. It doesn’t make sense to me why everyone else objects to Keith having the space wolf riding with him. It also doesn’t make sense that there would be an objection to Allura having the mice. For each of them, they’re connected to that respective animal by story and experience. This is such a long sequence that does not really do anything. I mean, I get it, it’s supposed to be humorous, but it ends up feeling like a lot of time wasted. The executive producers have publicly complained that they didn’t have enough time in the story to tell everything, to cover the necessary angles of certain plots, to include fallout and post-event contemplation by characters, but if they didn’t have time, it’s because the show put too much of stuff like this sequence in the final two seasons of the show.

Lance ends up organizing everyone, and of course he’s done so such that he gets to be alone with Romelle. If Lance is supposed to be so into Allura, then this just does not respect that supposed aspect of his character. It makes his interest look like nothing but entitled straight male infatuation and/or that he’s got a double standard given his jealousy. It’s not a moment that lasts long, of course, but it just sticks out to me.

The show takes an unusually long amount of time showing the Lions launch from the planet. The tone of the beginning of this episode is really casual. For characters who went through something huge – regardless of how badly I think the story was told, the events of the end of season six were huge – they don’t seem affected by them at all.

Of course, the show defaults to food for Hunk, having the mice feed him. So often this show really doesn’t even try to have characters be more than just a single bullet-point of characterization. Coran sings the Altean alphabet. Lance gets tired of Romelle being curious about the Lion’s function (I swear, I almost typed “Blue Lion,” still after all this forgetting that Lance is not in Blue anymore). Hunk is taking mice selfies. The space wolf is chewing on something in Allura’s Lion, to which Keith tells Allura the wolf is just lonely. Pidge is playing video games.

Over a third of this episode has gone by, and I really don’t care about anything that’s happening. The whole episode to this point feels like I’m waiting for the story to actually begin.

Everyone wants to rearrange the passenger assignments, and they apparently find somewhere offscreen to do so because it’s a quick cut to Pidge now having the mice, the wolf, Coran, and Romelle. We can’t get a scene of Shiro talking to Allura about the experience of her putting him in the clone’s body, of him reflecting on the clone and realizing the clone was manipulated by Haggar’s space magic and wasn’t to blame for being controlled by her, nothing about the clone’s spirit and Shiro’s spirit merging the way the EPs said it did in an interview (of course, they said it then because they never realized the audience would expect an explanation, that the audience actually liked the clone, and, unlike the EPs and writers, did not think of the clone as just a means to an end but as an actual character). There’s time for this really long sequence of supposed humor, but no time to have Allura reflect on having killed Lotor (yes, Lotor dies just sort of by exposure to all the quintessence – which is again, life energy, so how it can kill, I don’t know; however, effectively the Paladins did kill him).

Krolia directs them to a nearby Blade of Marmora base to check in and get an update on everything. There is no response from the base when they arrive. They force their way through the door (Allura being the strong one, opening the door for everyone). Keith comments that “it doesn’t look like anyone’s been here for years.” Pidge concurs, citing the power systems of the computers not working. Krolia says, “This base was fully operational during my last check-in with the blades.” From Krolia’s perspective, that would have been over two years ago. She didn’t return from the quantum abyss until 6x04 “The Colony,” and from that episode to the end of season six, everything was very high pace. Of course, for those outside of Krolia’s (and Keith’s and the wolf’s) experience, time would have been like normal, so the Blades would still be here, so her ultimate conclusion in this moment isn’t an illogical one for her to be making, it’s just the way it’s phrased doesn’t take into account that the last time she, from her perspective, contacted the Blades was years ago.

The facility starts crumbling and Coran reports an attack by enemy ships. Team Voltron hasn’t been her long, so that would mean the ships would have had to have been close by, so how they didn’t notice all these ships prior to landing, I don’t know. They all get back in the Lions and attack a small group of Galra ships. During the sequence, the space wolf teleports different people to different Lions. I guess it’s supposed to be some kind of resolution of the humor-through-uncomfortable-situations that had been going on with the passenger plot, but it seems tonally weird to resolve a humor plot during this action scene. Am I supposed to feel tense because the protagonists are fighting enemies, or am I supposed to think the scene is funny because the wolf is rearranging the passengers? The latter takes away from the former.

Also, the wolf can teleport. The show gave Keith a teleporting wolf. Yeah.

I can’t say that I buy into the argument that the wolf teleporting is doing what Shiro was supposed to be doing in the show, that the ability to teleport was originally supposed to be his, and that the wolf was pasted overtop of a lot of Shiro’s character. But had Shiro developed the ability to teleport, it would have been an interesting addition to the show. It would have required way more explanation, follow-up, and narrative resolution than this show has proven itself to be willing to do though. As the show ended up, it never explains a single thing about this space wolf. His inclusion in the story ends up feeling totally random, so I’m not surprised some viewers have tried to find a bigger meaning to the wolf’s existence. Since the show gives no explanation in the story, those viewers are left trying to create an explanation. I think there’s a high chance that the EPs and the writers just didn’t think they had to explain it.

I know the episode gave some quick line about how the Lions haven’t recharged to their full power in order to try to explain why they’re so incapable of fighting in this scene, but it still feels inconsistent for the Paladins/Lions to be unable to handle a handful of Galra fighters. Despite how the Lions have been shown flying in formation, Hunk is then shown to be really far distant from them, or at least from Keith and the Black Lion, and Keith jets off to help Hunk.

When he does so, Krolia, Shiro, and Coran are slammed back against the rear wall. This is fundamentally not possible. They’re in space. The three of them have the same inertia as the Lion itself (you in a ship in space is not the same as you in a car on Earth). Consider any footage you’ve seen of astronauts on the space station, just floating there. They don’t slam into the wall despite the fact that the space station is constantly falling (that’s what an orbit is) toward Earth. The astronauts have the same inertial frame as the space station. So too, here, Shiro, Coran, and Krolia would have the same frame as the Black Lion.

Let me also take a moment to point out that Keith is piloting the Black Lion, and there has been no discussion between him and Shiro over it. I know the show would argue that since Shiro’s missing an arm that he can’t pilot, but it would have been nice to have had them discuss this. And given the pointlessness of the first third of this episode, they had plenty of time to do so.

Lance says they need to form Voltron, but the Lions apparently don’t have enough power to do it. Allura yells, “The Lions can’t take much more of this!” More of what? They’re literally just flying through space the same as any other time they’ve been flying through. Despite the show animating it to look like they’re under stress flying in formation, since they’re in space, flying in this formation would be no more stressful than any other flying. Keith orders the group to run.

The Green Lion gets hit by a blaster from one of the Galra, and the animation is really weird. The screen turns white, silhouetting Green, but there are also several really large chunks of rock or some other material. It’s brief, but it makes it look like Green has partially, physically exploded. There’s a shot of random explosions in the far distance and then a few more similar explosions near the other Lions. The show eventually explains it as some kind of crystals exploding, but explaining after the fact just makes the sequence confusing to watch. The Black Lion runs into one, but it’s not visible until after they’ve hit it and it breaks apart.

The logistics of how many ships there are, where they are in relation to one another, when they are in their respective positions, and how much time it would take to move and reorient to a new flight formation is a mess. That it is a logistic mess made me think of the similar logistic mess that a lot of episodes in season eight have. Thanks to the records I’ve done as part of my doing this commentary series, and thinking about it for a moment, I realize why. This episode is the first one directed by Michael Chang. He’s one of two directors brought onto the show for seasons seven and eight. He would have been responsible for making sure the episode didn’t look and feel all over the place, and since it does look and feel all over the place, that’s on him.

The Paladins don’t leave the area. Instead, they’re driven by the Galra to a “tunnel of crystals.” Despite the Lions being able to detect the crystals, apparently all of the Paladins ignored where they were headed and went right where the Galra wanted them to go. Even if the Paladins were immediately busy dodging weapons fire, Coran was the first to view the crystals on a display in one of the Lions, so he’s not busy flying and could have provided monitoring for the group. If not Coran, then Shiro too could have been monitoring, or Krolia or Romelle. Even if they weren’t there to monitor and advise, Pidge is shown looking at a display overlaying her main view out of the Green Lion, so all of them should have been able to pilot while monitoring just by themselves because of how the Lions’ systems function. This whole problem is supposed to be an increase of tension in the story, but because it’s totally contrived, it just doesn’t work.

When Keith first said “tunnel of crystals,” and Pidge was looking at her heads-up display, I thought it was supposed to be a filter overlaying the view that was giving visual to the green clouds of the “tunnel.” I thought they couldn’t see the tunnel with a normal view. But no, it’s an actual, giant, swirling cloud in space. How was something this big not shown in the background during this fight until right immediately now that they’re right up on it. They would have seen it long before now and could have been sure to not fly in its direction. This is totally unrealistic and ridiculous.

Keith declares, “We have no choice. Everyone into the cyclone.” I don’t see why they can’t fly past the cyclone given how everything is visually depicted. This moment and this episode as a whole feel like there was a major failure to properly storyboard this episode. Keith says, “Hunk, that means you and I are going to have to punch a hole through the storm and clear a path for the team.” I’m sorry, “punch a hole through the storm?” That sounds so badly written. They’re comparatively lightly pelted with some rocks, but Lance says, “We can’t take much more of this.” Keith orders them to look for somewhere that can serve a shelter. Pidge almost instantly identifies a volcanic ice planet nearby.

You’re telling me the area of space where they’ve been fighting not only has a giant, bright green, swirling “cyclone,” but also a planet? Everything was depicted as just empty space until suddenly it’s not. Also, I can’t help but to think that writing this to be a “volcanic ice planet” happened because the writing team, or maybe just Joshua Hamilton by himself, read a headline or reference about our discovery of a lot of ice volcanoes on various moons and dwarf planets here in our solar system. (Yes, ice volcanoes are a real thing.)

Pidge lists a variety of things that makes the planet a dangerous environment, which somehow equates to it being shelter. I don’t know. Sometimes, it gets really exhausting saying that this show doesn’t make sense.

The visuals kind of make it look like this planet is in the giant space cyclone. The planet is shown having a moon. The Lions all descend to the planet, and once they break cloud cover, everything on the planet looks fine. The planet is supposed to be surrounded by this space cyclone, yet the planet is not affected by it? Also, though there had been no reference to them being followed before, as soon as the Lions break cloud cover, there are Galra fighters close, directly behind them. Keith had said they had “no choice” but to enter the cyclone, establishing it as the only way they could get away from the Galra, but now apparently the Galra have been following them very closely the whole time? Again, the logistics of this episode are so badly managed.

“Watch out for the falling ice,” Shiro says. How nice of the show to give something for Shiro to do like point out the obvious. See, he’s still part of the team, right? right?

Keith says, “That gives me an idea. […] When everyone’s through the tunnel […].” What tunnel? Visually, they’re flying through a chasm. There’s been no tunnel in the ice depicted. No one has referenced a tunnel in the ice until Keith’s comment just now. Lance calls Keith “team leader,” so it is as Joaquim Dos Santos and Lauren Montgomery wanted. Shiro has been pushed to the side, here literally standing to the side, so that Keith can be the team leader. The visuals of the cave opening are such that it’s not shown until the shot of the Lions flying into it. There are heads-up display graphics that seem to be pointing at the cave entrance, but it’s still not visible in the background painting. Also, how does Keith know this specifically is a tunnel and not just a cave without an exit?

A large number of Galra still made it into the tunnel following Lance, who blew up the entrance on his way through.

This whole battle sequence from the beginning has lacked tension because it’s so faceless. There are just ships chasing them around. There is no characterization or plot underlying this conflict. I would say that this is meaningless video game action, but most video games these days have more reason for combat to happen than this sequence.

The tunnel is luckily (or contrivedly) large and branched, so they can, as Keith orders, split-up to divide the attackers. One ship pursuing the Black Lion is able to hit it with a cable and a person slides down to the Lion’s hull. I would think maybe just piloting Black to roll would knock someone walking on its back off, but the show doesn’t even think of that.

Instead, Shiro says he’ll go “take care of it.” Krolia then yells, “No, you’re still recovering. I’ll do it.” It’s so infuriating that the show so blatantly is sidelining Shiro’s character. The show used to depict Shiro as a fighter. Even in extreme situations, he was still very capable. But now, because the EPs and writers hate Shiro so much, he’s diminished and proclaimed incapable. Literally none of any of the other characters on this show have had to handle the situations that Shiro and the clone have survived through. This feels like not just disrespect of Shiro’s character, this moment reads as ableism. The show could have had Shiro go and kick butt right now, but instead, the EPs and writers declare Shiro to be incapable, helpless, worthless, and in the way. All writing is a choice. They made the choice to write the episode this way. They chose to not write Shiro as the capable fighter he’s been in the past. They didn’t want him in this story. They wanted him dead and gone. And if they can’t get what they want, then they’ll just narratively banish him.

It’s infuriating.

Keith gives Krolia his blade, she runs to go fight the intruder, and as she goes, Coran yells, “I’ll help too!” and runs after her. They wrote this episode to have Coran allowed to claim a part of this fight, but not Shiro. That really tells you something about how little they respect the character of Shiro, how little they respect his past on this show, and how little they respect the members of the audience who like Shiro.

It’s even more infuriating now.

Coran gets knocked into a room, the doors shut as he goes through them. This is contrived. Why would doors automatically shut like this just because he passed through them? It’s played for humor, but it’s not funny because we’re supposed to be transitioning into another layer of tension of the plot (the hand-to-hand combat scene). It makes having written Coran to follow Krolia pointless.

So, this person on the back of the Black Lion has been just hanging out on the back for a while. They were supposedly trying to break into the Lion, but they’ve been out there, giving plenty of time for Krolia to exit the Lion to fight on its back. What exactly was this attacker doing the whole time?

I don’t care anywhere near enough about Krolia, I’m not invested in her as a character, to care about this fight. Keith now pilots the Black Lion to roll as he continues through the tunnel. Are they still being pursued by multiple Galra ships? Is it just the one ship that this attacker came from? Why doesn’t the Black Lion then just stop while this fight on its back takes place? Given how quickly Black rolls, how are the attacker and Krolia not sent flying off Black’s back? Black even smashes through a rock or ice wall and none of the debris hits either the attacker or Krolia. None of this is believable. A conveniently timed and placed stalactite takes out the attacker, but not Krolia, and there’s no damage to Black. And apparently the Galra ship the attacker came from is no longer following Black. What happened to it?

Cut to a regular Galra fighter following and shooting at Hunk and the Yellow Lion. Yellow gets knocked down, and Hunk decides the thing to do is to jump out of Yellow and blast at the Galra with his bayard cannon. The cannon spontaneously turns into some kind of gun that can shoot additional guns, which mount on the cave walls and start shooting at the Galra. It’s ridiculous. Between the two satellite cannons and the one he’s holding, Hunk blows up the Galra fighter right in front of him, but the explosion does not affect him one bit. He’s not even hit by a shockwave of the big explosion that, again, happens right in front of him.

Allura has the Blue Lion chomp down on a Galra fighter to get rid of the one following her. The pilot of the Galra fighter survives being chomped, exits the craft, and proceeds into the Blue Lion. Allura says that Blue’s “jaws are stuck shut.” Seriously? What about the giant blaster cannon that’s right inside the Lion’s mouth? Romelle declares she’ll go take care of the Galra. The Galra climbs into the blaster cannon like it’s an access tunnel. Again, all of this is ludicrous. The Galra walks down the cannon, it’s just a very slight bit bigger than the Galra is tall, so it would be totally easy for the Galra to see everything in front of them, but somehow they miss Romelle standing there. She hits him and sends him flying back out of the cannon. Also, how did Romelle get down into the cannon? Why is the cannon now point of access into the Lion? Romelle’s attack is so precise that the Galra not only flies 15-20 feet back out of the cannon but back into the pilot seat of the fighter craft.

Romelle spots something sparking in the corner of the mouth, she moves a comparatively small piece of metal plating, and suddenly Blue’s mouth can open again. There is nothing about what Romelle does that would explain why Blue couldn’t open its mouth. If Romelle is physically strong enough to move this small slab of metal plating, then the force the Lion itself could generate should have been more than enough to take care of it. It’s ridiculous. Blue opens its mouth and the Galra ship and pilot, conscious and screaming, are hurled out of it.

Pidge and Lance are still having trouble. Pidge says her cannon isn’t operational. She rants at the space wolf, who teleports into the Galra fighter, and I guess he just growls at the Galra (who’s clearly scared of him) until that Galra crashes his fighter into another fighter, causing them both to explode. What looks like bad piloting around a corner causes the final fighter to collide with the wall, but I think we’re supposed to assume that the wolf caused that to happen too. The wolf then teleports back into Green, injured.

I honestly don’t really care about this wolf any more than I care about Krolia or Romelle. All three of them originate with the same story, and none of them ever feel like they have earned the time the show gives them. This is the point in the series production that this show significantly gives way too much time to side characters while ignoring the story’s main characters. It’s like the EPs and the writers got bored by their own story and meander off into something else rather than coming up with something interesting for the main characters to do.

The Lions come out of the tunnel only to be hit with some kind of reverse tractor beam that slams them into the surface and pins them down. There are a bunch more Galra waiting for them. It’s revealed to be Zethrid and Ezor. And the episode ends.

As I’ve said throughout this, this episode is a logistic mess. It makes it impossible as a viewer to track everything that’s happening in the story. It is an assumption on my part of course, but I have to think that the production did a terrible job storyboarding the episode and the director couldn’t keep everything thought out, thus everything is a mess.

It’s infuriating that Shiro is shoved to the side, while the episode tries to force Krolia, Romelle, and the wolf on us.

The long humor sequence for the first third of the episode is so casual that it feels out of place given what these characters are now recovering from.

The rest of the episode is 12 minutes of meaningless action. By leaving the attackers unidentified – no, having them just be miscellaneous Galra the entire time is not identifying them – until the absolute very last seconds of the episode makes the whole combat lack substance. It’s so hyper simplistic. Being attacked by miscellaneous bad guys for so long does not give any substance to this story.

Ultimately, almost the entirety of this episode is pointless. With just a very slight change – having Ezor and Zethrid’s attack that pins the Lions to the ground in the last seconds of the episode instead take place on the planet that Team Voltron started the episode on – you could then completely remove this episode from the series, and everything would be the same. When you can excise such a large part of a story and nothing changes, then you know that that part of the story doesn’t actually do anything.

[luxexhomines]

Hello, can i please have a headcanon of Gundham, Kazuichi, Leon, Kiyotaka and mondo, who try to comfort their S/O who is very stress because their family think be bigender is "not normal" ?

Thanks for the request! I don’t know that I can write for a bigender reader as far as their perspective goes, so these headcanons are all just about comfort and the way the boys react to your distress from your not-so-understanding family.Hopefully, they’re all in character.

No cut; let me know if you’d like one. Icon credit to phasedistort! Here we go!

Gundham, Kazuichi, Leon, Kiyotaka, & Mondo Comforting Bigender! S/O Headcanons

Gundham Tanaka

He’s never been really great at comforting people or had great people skills in general, truthfully. He wonders how he even managed to get as lovely of a s/o as you!

But to see you in such distress after coming out to your family makes his heart ache, so if you’re crying or moping, he’ll sit next to you and offer grandiose affirmations in the chuunibyou language he speaks as well as a box of tissues. “O Majestic Ruler, you are above any of the plebeians that cry false, disparaging claims about your utterly sublime character and state of being!”

He’ll bring you comfort food like ice cream and cookies, or whatever you like to eat! If it has meat, he might be kind of reluctant, but seeing your face, he’ll agree.

And oh, does he have the ultimate cuddlers with him. The hamsters are kind of small to cuddle, but he has no problem getting you dogs, cats, bunnies, or whatever else you’d like to pet. You know Gundham, he’d probably even leash and tame a bear so you could hug it–that is, if you dare.

If you’re allergic to fur, that’s pretty sad, but he’ll go to costco to get a huge teddy bear or your bedroom if you have some at home so you can have something soft & cuddly!

Oh, but if you ask to cuddle him… He’s gonna be severely shy, so you’d probably have to hunt him down or tackle him. Or he’ll accept, seeing the state you’re in, while his cheeks are permanently dyed a gloriously deep red.

If you cuddle him in bed at night while sleeping, he’s probably not going to sleep the entire night although he won’t admit it, so you should probably spare him and hug the teddy bear instead. He gets pretty out of it when he doesn’t have his sleep.

Gundham’s there for you all the way, behind the scenes! He’s your errand boy and cuddly toy, even if he won’t say so himself.

Kazuichi Souda

He’s another one of the type that is unsure about how to deal with distressed people, so he will be at your beck and call and asks you constantly if there’s anything he can do for you, to the point that you might find it a little annoying, although his devotion to you is endearing.

If you ask him to help you through the holidays with your family by going with you back to your home, where your presence has not been requested but required despite their discomfort with your gender, he’ll be honored that you feel like you can rely on him with such an important job.

Your family might not be too approving of your boyfriend, seeing his bright pink hair and the way he looks kind of like a delinquent…but to them, at least it proves that you can love normally despite being bigender, so they’ll kind of accept him. Kind of.

There are, of course, times when your family, not thinking being bigender is normal, will make bigoted comments about your sexuality at the dinner table, which will definitely rile him up. You’ll have to reach under the table and squeeze his hand to keep him from standing up or arguing with them.

After the dinner, he’ll rant to you about your family and then shut up abruptly, realizing that they are still your family. You’ll have to reassure him that it’s okay, and you know he has good intentions.

His reactions–or what would have been, at least–make you feel a bittersweet joy, because you know that he’s on your side and expresses what you wish you could to your family.

When you cry, it’s enough for him to want to pick up the phone and give your family an angry phone call or storm over there, but you always stop him, knowing it won’t solve anything.

To control his anger, he’ll go to his garage and fiddle with his gadgets, where he might just make a mini-you robot. Or a hundred of them. Depends on his mood. 

This boy will get angry on your behalf, and if it’s not your family making you cry, he’ll gladly go and take them down a peg, never mind that being a mechanic isn’t particularly intimidating.

Leon Kuwata

Here’s another one with a hot-blooded temper and will actually argue with your family after they say something about how being bigender is abnormal or how you must be mistaken about your gender; apart from words, even physically making contact with him won’t calm him down, and your strength is hardly enough to hold back the Ultimate Baseball Player.

You don’t take him back with you for the holidays when you go to see your family because he simply can’t control himself, but he will check in on you over text and phone calls everyday.

If he ever finds out you’re crying at your family’s house, he’ll probably jump on a plane, train, car, or public transportation to get to your family’s home so he can comfort you. And maybe beat someone up.

When you’re thinking about the whole situation and feel down, Leon will play some music for you on the guitar, maybe sing as he strums some tunes. He’ll encourage you to sing along if you have the spirits, but won’t be pushy about it. 

He might even suggest playing a simple game of catch, if it’ll take your mind off of things. Doing something single-mindedly can help get you out of your funk, according to him, and throwing a ball around is surprisingly meditative.

When you just want to be comforted, Leon will let you sit in his lap, let you rest your head in his lap, cover you in lots of blankets.

If you eat tons of ice cream or other comfort foods, he’ll eat with you.

Overall, Leon’s kind of a wild card with lots of anger, but he will offer plenty of camaraderie no matter what’s going on.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru

You know how he is–he gets riled up easily, but as he doesn’t condone violence, he would never try to fight your family, at least not physically. Word are another story, but he’ll sit, beg and lay down, whatever you command, since they are your family.

He will have lots of healthy coping methods for the stress you accumulate in his back pocket! Or he’ll research them for you, like the sweet & caring cinnamon roll he is.

He’ll try all the coping methods with you, one by one! He’s probably not a big believer of meditation or praying, but whatever helps you–he just wants you to feel better and deal with your stress in a healthy way!

When you begin to cry, hyperventilate, or panic, he’ll sit you down at the couch and rub soothing circles on your back while murmuring affirmations to you. About every ten minutes, he might check in with you and ask if you’re feeling better, worse, or the same, and if there’s anything he can do to help.

If you ask to cuddle, he might object and say it’s indecent with red painted all over his cheeks, but if you give him a puppy dog look, he’ll agree reluctantly. He’ll likely be very stiff and nervous, but will relax over time. Maybe.

When you’re wanting to eat something, he’ll suggest healthy foods too, like carrots or celery, which are crunchy enough that you can maybe take out some of your anger on them without eating anything too bad for your body.

But if you want ice cream, chips or sweets, he’ll oblige–but he’ll insist on buying it for you so he can check the ingredients and choose the best options from the selection of not so healthy foods.

You can count on him if you want to bring him back for the holidays not to do anything drastic, though he might have a couple outbursts. He just loves you too much, he can’t help it if someone else is causing you to suffer or saying horrible things about you!

He’s just a sweet boy who will try to make sure you cope with all the stress in a way that is healthy and conducive to yourself and the people around you for your own good.

Mondo Oowada

You know him, he has the shortest temper of them all. There is absolutely no way you’d ever bring him back home over the holidays for support because he’d end up causing you more anxiety over fights rather than giving you peace of mind as you weather the storm. Although the sight of him would probably be more than enough to stop your family from making ignorant and hurtful comments.

You know he’d jump on his motorbike and ride over to rescue you and maybe punch out the lights of some people there, so you try to ride the rollercoaster of emotions, take good care of yourself, make sure you are in good shape for daily calls with him, and for the most part it works.

Sometimes when you mention a comment from your family about how bigender probably wasn’t a thing and that you were just going through a phase, he starts ranting about them and swearing loudly, forgetting that technically, you’re just as capable of doing so yourself if you want to.

Otherwise, you mostly use him as a giant teddy bear–albeit, his chest is more muscular than soft.

You like to cling onto him and beg for piggyback rides, though, and when he asks if you’re a kid in an irritated manner, you answer that you are when he’s around, so he bends down to let you climb on. His gruff manner does nothing to disguise his love for you, which is comfort in itself.

When you break down in front of him, he feels powerless and helpless, not knowing how he could ever lift you up. But he doesn’t let his selfish desire to remain in control take over; he accompanies you through the long night, staying at your side loyally and holding you close.

If you’re fine with it, he’ll ask to take you on a ride on his motorcycle in the dead of night, the comfortable breeze combing through your hair and the moon guiding your journey down countless empty streets.

He is super down for comfort food. Greasy fast food? Sugary ice cream? Bags and bags of salty chips? He’ll take you anywhere and buy you anything–heck, he’ll eat all the same things, too.

He’s a solid partner when you need support; he doesn’t succumb to the pressures of a toxic masculinity culture and especially not when he takes care of you, because he knows it’s all about you when you ask him to be there for you. He’ll be vulnerable with you, too, if you want.

[deadofwinterrp]

[Character information]

Full Name: Rooney Dubois

Age: 19

Gender: Female

Place of Origin: Denver, Colorado

FC: Halle Bailey

Role within the community: Runner

How long have they been in Sanctuary: 1 year, 2 months

[Traits]

+ Hardworking, Resourceful, Courageous. - Stubborn, Bitter, Vindictive.

[Connections]

Quincy Dubois (Older brother), Riley Dubois (Older sister), Wesley Dubois (Twin Brother), Beanie Dubois (younger sister- deceased), Maizie Dubois (adopted as an infant)

[Biography]

BEFORE:

[ TW: Mentions of child abuse/death ]

Rooney’s life had never been easy. Growing up the youngest (by just a few minutes) of four in a down-trodden part of Colorado meant quite a few things. The most prominent thing was the abusive household the kids were in. Of the four, Quincy was the oldest. With Quincy around, the abuse and neglect was not nearly as bad. He defended his younger siblings and made sure they had food and clothing. Her older brother was her idol, and the one person in the house who actually took care of them. He’d send money to ensure they had food to eat. Even with his money from the military, things around the house were rough. Riley did her best to take care of her and Wesley, but it wasn’t easy. There were days when they wouldn’t eat. The abuse picked up as well, though no one around them seemed to pick up on that at first. Rooney, having no understanding of how the postal system worked, would try to write Quincy letters by simply placing them in the mailbox with his name on them. In one of her last attempts to do this, the postal worker must have read it. Rooney detailed how their parents had had another child (a girl that Rooney and Wesley named Beanie) and things were extremely scary. She guessed that their postal worker not only read it, but reported the letter to DCFS. Shortly after that, they were taken away from the home. Riley was placed in a girls’ home while Wesley, Beanie, and herself were put into a foster home.

At first, the kids were all kept together. They didn’t stay in one home for too long, and though a few showed interest in adopting Beanie, they were ultimately shuffled from place to place. For the most part they were kept together, though there were a few short times where they were seperated. At thirteen, however, Wesley was pulled from the home the three of them were in. The absence of her twin brother devastated Rooney. Rooney, who was already exhibiting behavioral issues as a result of trauma, started to spiral. She started to run away with Beanie whenever possible. A few times they were able to track down Wesley before ultimately being caught and put back into a home. At fourteen she was pulled from Beanie permanently. Throughout their time in foster care, they’d had their fair share of abusive homes. Most of which,  Rooney thought, were just as bad or worse than the home they had with her parents. Rooney started getting into trouble at about twelve, and though none of the trouble was extremely bad…it was enough to put a strain on foster homes. More than once her antics landed her in a juvenile detention center, and when she emerged it was always into a new foster placement. At sixteen she was put into a new home where she was put through the worst abuse she’d ever endured. The mother was nice enough, but the father hated her. Most of the abuse was done when others weren’t around, and Rooney tried to tell herself that she would turn eighteen in a few years and that it would be over. She could find Beanie and things would be okay. Then a few months after her sixteenth birthday a day came when she did something she never thought she would have to: she killed her foster father. One day after school he came at her and started to strangle her. Rooney reacted by stabbing him in the stomach with a pocket knife she had. He collapsed to the ground and Rooney fled the house. She thought they would immediately be on to her, but that wasn’t the case. When she came home later that night, it was to the rest of the family and the police who sat her down to explain what happened. Rooney never told them the truth, and shortly after she was pulled from the home and put into a home for girls.

AFTER:

Things did not begin to fall into place immediately. It was more like a series of odd events that built up to the fall of everything. But once things started ramping up, Rooney knew she had to find her sister. Since everything started, Rooney was traveling with her younger sister Beanie for the most part. Beanie was a spritely kid who lit up each room she pranced into. The moment everything went to shit, Rooney knew she had to find her. She shouldn’t have known where her younger sister’s foster home was, but she did. She stole a car (‘Is it stealing if the car is abandoned?’, she’d asked herself) and made the journey to the home, trying to convince herself that her sister would be there. And by some odd stroke of luck, possibly one of the only ones that had settled upon Rooney’s head in a long time, she was. Unfortunately for Rooney, it seemed to be one of the very few times she wasn’t alone. Randy and Joy reminded Rooney far too much of their parents- the ones who’d gotten them into this whole foster care business in the first place. Randy was an abusive drunk, and Joy was much the same. When Rooney entered the house they’d actually tried to keep Beanie from her. Rooney told them in a rather unpleasant way that that wouldn’t be happening. Once Joy looked out the front window to see their neighbor eating the face of their other neighbor, they both relented. Perhaps it was best for Beanie to go with her after all.

The  two girls holed up in an L.L. Bean store for a week and a half following that initial day. There were a number of scares, but they made it through. They always made it through, she remembers telling her sister. Until one day they didn’t. After one too many close calls, they made the decision to leave the store. Well, Rooney made the decision for them. At nine years old Beanie was in no position to make a decision at all. Especially given that her suggestion was for them to live inside of ‘Lollipops and Gumdrops’, the candy store that neither of them ever had money to buy anything from. So they went on the road, hopping from house to house. On the fourth day after leaving their temporary safe haven, disaster found them. They were in a house when Rooney heard it. Engines. Beanie was fast asleep next to her, and didn’t wake up quick enough for the two to make their getaway. The group found them running through the back of the house and barred them from leaving. Rooney was strong, but she knew it wasn’t possible to take on the grown group of adults in front of her. One of the men approached Beanie and threatened her with a knife. Rooney made a go at him, but it made no difference. Within the blink of an eye, he’d stabbed her little sister. In a place that Rooney knew all too well was one you didn’t come back from. He turned and stabbed Rooney a few seconds later. She saw the blade go into her stomach and stumbled backwards, falling to the floor. She was convinced that she was dying as she lay on the floor next to her sister, but then there were suddenly more people. And before Rooney knew it, they’d killed most of them.

After what happened to her sister, Rooney decided to stay with the group that had rescued her. Not that she had much of a choice, due to her injury. Surely if she’d gone off on her own then she would have died. And while she wasn’t completely keen on spending her time with strangers, she did want to live. It didn’t take long for Rooney to actually start to like the group. On their journey they mostly ran into zombies that were either alone or in pairs. But one day they ran into a hoard and were separated. Rooney has absolutely no idea whether the others survived, or where they could possibly be, but she wants to find them. The event that happened that day with her foster father has deeply scarred Rooney. But if that had been the only thing that happened then maybe she would feel different. However, her sister’s murder sealed the deal in regards to her position on violence. She hates it. It scares her, and it scares her that she could have done something so violent. Sure, it was self defense, but her brain won’t let her forget the outcome. When you grow up in environments that have abuse, violence can become second nature. You’re constantly having to defend yourself, or those around you, and so it’s easy for her to fall back into old habits. It’s easy for her to fight, because that’s what she’s always known but she’s no longer rushing at the opportunity. In fact, as of late she’s purposefully gone out of her way to not get into fights.

Six months since the horde passed through the Sanctuary and Rooney’s life is completely different from what it was before. Not long before the horde, she discovered that her brother Quincy was still very much alive. Not only that, but he’d found her and was now a part of the Sanctuary. At first, this was something she hated. For years she’d told herself she hated him for leaving them. Blamed him, even. But time has softened her disposition towards him. The more time she spends with her brother, the more she sees bits of her other siblings. Her brother isn’t the only different thing in her life. During the horde attack, Rooney found herself with a group containing a single mother who was struggling to help her four children get away. One of them was a newborn baby. The mother put the baby in Rooney’s care, and ultimately perished with her other three children. Rooney has adopted the baby into the Dubois family- small as it is. The tradition of naming kids in the Dubois household was rather interesting. Their parents never actually named any of their kids. Instead, the children themselves did it. This was not done as a gift from their parents, but rather out of disinterest. Quincy started by naming Riley and on went the names. Beanie was named by Rooney and her twin brother. All of the Dubois kids have a name ending with ‘y’ or an ‘ie’ sound. One day out of interest, years before zombies were even a blip on their radar, Rooney asked her little sister if she had a chance to name a sibling what she might go with. They both knew this was an impossibility, but it was a bit of fun. Beanie immediately responded ‘Maizie’. With things so chaotic during the horde attack, it wasn’t until after that Rooney realized the little girl was nameless. Per tradition she gained the name her baby sister loved so much- Maizie.

[salfur]

So, I accidentally wrote an essay last night while writing down my thoughts on the Homestuck Epilogue and I thought I’d share it with all of you. Let me state on record that I am not trying to start or fuel any discourse, I just wanted to share my thoughts and, I guess, theories. Be warned that this does discuss some spoilers in the epilogue, though I try not to go too in depth if I can avoid it. So, if you’re interested, click the link below and if not, then ignore.

To start, I am going to say that I didn't hate the epilogue. Sure, it was hard to read and at times I thought the writing was a bit too thick, but in the end I thought it wasn't as bad as I've seen people making it out to be. In a way, I get what Hussie is trying to do, that being showing the two extremes in both the fandom and storytelling. As I'm sure we are all aware (at least those who have read the epilogue) Candy was a clusterfuck of shipping and fan service while Meat was full of dark themes (not to say candy wasn't without it's own darkness) and was tough to get through for both us, the readers, and the characters themselves. I'm also sure that most of us are aware that the epilogue is non-canon and that, ultimately, nothing that happens in it really matters.

I have heard, or rather read, a lot of posts talking about how the writing was completely ooc and to some extent I am inclined to agree. However, I think it is important to remember that there was a canonical 7 year gap that we, as readers, were unable to experience. There was very little that Hussie gave us that allowed us to know for sure whether everything in the epilogue was truly ooc. Because, and let's be real here, a lot can and likely has happened in 7 years and we were unable to know any of it. So how can it be ooc if we don't even really know the characters anymore? Can we truly say that the characters we grew to love and care for would be the same 7 years later? Honestly, I don't believe we can.

This, of course, isn't even taking into account the whole "Ultimate Self" thing that's been happening to all the god tiers for who knows how long now. I don't know if I really understand what the Ultimate Self is, but it seems like it's the result of being merged with all other versions of themselves. Obviously, some of the characters have taken it much better than others and there are even some who don't appear to be experiencing the process yet at all. Though I'm sure that, to some extent, all the god tiers have felt or experienced it in some shape during their time on Earth C.

I mention the Ultimate Self, because I believe that it is important in explaining why it seems as if nearly all the characters were ooc. It's because they are. But they also aren't, because they are slowly becoming every version of themselves. Even when Dirk embraced it, he wasn't done changing into his Ultimate Self. I believe this is most evident in Meat when Roxy reveals to us that both Calliope and them are non-binary. Dirk responds in surprise, but ultimately supports them. 

He even apologizes and corrects himself when he accidentally misgenders Calliope.

However, later on, when dead Calliope is taking control of the narrative, Dirk changes and becomes disrespectful towards Roxy's identity. 

It becomes clear that Dirk's views changed and he seemingly no longer supports Roxy's identity. But the question then is why? What caused this change in heart? There was seemingly nothing in the narrative that showed us that he had any reason to change his views and yet he did. The only conclusion I could come to was because of the whole Ultimate Self thing. Dirk is slowly merging with all his other selves, and I'm sure that we all know that many of Dirk's splinters (or other versions) have been known to become quite manipulative and even abusive. Hell, there was even a version of him that was homophobic (that being Dave's Bro). So it's not out of the question that there have been other versions that were discriminatory towards other genders or identities.

Rose was right to be worried about losing herself if she gave into the Ultimate Self, because that is exactly what we have witnessed with Dirk. However, what we saw with Dirk isn't going to be the same with everyone. I'm quite confident that the reason why he's been unable to differentiate himself and his other versions is because he's a Prince of Heart. He already has a connection to his other versions, but by allowing himself to become his Ultimate Self, he had begun the journey of completely losing himself. As we see him now he is now no longer just one version of himself, but many other versions in one. I don't doubt that Dirk had good intentions initially and believed that if he allowed the process to happen that he would become a better person, but unbeknownst to him that wasn't what happened. In allowing himself to become his Ultimate Self he unknowingly allowed himself to become the thing he most feared he'd become. Dirk became a manipulator, a puppet master.

So why does this happen to Dirk but not Dave, who we see in Candy become is Ultimate Self. Perhaps it is because Dirk has not fully transitioned yet, or maybe it’s because he’s a Prince of Heart. Ultimately, we don’t know the answer to this. At least, not yet. Remember earlier when I mentioned that nothing really matters in the epilogue? Well, that isn’t exactly true. In the greater sense, it may be since the events that happen in both Candy and Meat aren’t the “true epilogue.” However, that isn’t to say that what happens within each don’t matter. We have witnessed how the two timelines actually cross each other, almost becoming one. The lines between the two stories are becoming blurred and I believe that it is leading towards a third choice.

Let’s go back to the beginning of the epilogue, shall we? When John was given a choice between Meat or Candy, those weren’t actually the only choices he had. In fact, he had up to at least five choice. As we’ve seen he could have gone for either Meat or Candy, but he also could have taken both, neither, or a completely other option. I mean, let’s not forget that Roxy, the Rogue of Void, was present and we all know how great she was at pulling pumpkins from the void. My theory is that Hussie has at least one more path to explore. The Pumpkin path. And, like Meat and Candy, Pumpkin will intertwine with the other stories and create a sort of resolution to all the loose ends that have been created. I doubt that Pumpkin would be a complete catchall fix-it for all their problems, but I do believe that if it happens it’ll fix a lot them.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my TED talk. I hope this essay sparked some of your own ideas or theories.

TLDR: I don’t think the epilogue was as bad as everyone has been making it out to be (granted it’s still pretty bad, both content and writing wise). My theory on why everyone seems so ooc (Dirk especially) is because of the whole “Ultimate Self” thing because all the god tiers have begun to merge with all their other selves. This process is making Dirk lose his own self in the process because he’s a Prince of Heart. The epilogues, as of now, are non-canon, but that’s only because we haven’t gotten to the third and final choice John could have made which would completely cross the two stories into one and also, hopefully, tie up all the loose ends that have been created.

[harrysdimples]

just gonna leave my thoughts about the 1975′s new album, a brief inquiry into online relationships, here bc I’m that type of dumbass that will forget what I thought of it 10 mins after i listen to it kksjsaknskas (this is me listening to the leak btw and obviously I will buy the album when it comes out on friday)

give yourself a try: ?? 10/10 excellent single choice. loves it so much!! the exact techno 80s guitar I needed to live my best life. sign of the times??? le gasp. so just giiiiIIIiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIveeeeeeeee yourself a tryyyyyyyyy....thank u matty for inspiring my self love once more

TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME: THE FUCKING BOP OF THE CENTURY. genuinely on blast 24/7. what a TUUUUUUUUNE. love this with my whole heart and is the wholesome bop I needed. just pop perfection. LAV IT. the video warmed my soul. thank u to whatever god gave me the chance to boogie along to this when I make my breakfast n tea

how to draw / petrichor: why does this intro sound like beginning of a john lewis christmas advert? I mean I’m not complaining, take me to winter wonderland pls. wonderful xylophone usage. this is a veryyyyyy long intro. OH WOW this vocoder i love. not entirely sure what matty is saying but you know ? I dig it. OOFT OK WE TAKING IT SOFT TECHNO IM HERE FOR IT. this feels like a song that if u put on in the background you’d be really productive. ok we’re nearly 4 mins in and not much has happened. im here for these oddly distant computer sounds. hmmmmm not sure how to feel about this. feels like I might be dreaming about 80% of this song but I’m not entirely sure what to think about this. oh the piano at the end pls I love. was this just supposed to be an interlude or?........

love it if we made it: I actually did not like this at all on first listen when it was released as a single but MAN after the video and the genius video I am HERE. FOR. IT. thank YOU matty my KING for this woke af song. we stan. 2 real sometimes tbh. AND I’D LOVE IT IF WE MADE IT. the ultimate headbanging in your car song.

be my mistake: oh.........bitch am I in for a ride with this guitar?.......shit. fuckin hell I’m tearin up already. MATTY JESUS CHRIST. I literally just got chills all over my body. this is like.......a sadder slower version of somebody else if that were possible. I’m literally crying oh wow???? this is so fucking beautiful holy wow. so simple yet so powerful. I am absolutely in love with this. possibly my favourite 1975 song ever and that’s saying something. I feel the urge to lie in the dark at 3am and listen to this song with headphones on & just cry. wow. I am literally in awe. this is one of the most sonically perfect songs I’ve ever heard holy shit. thank you. wow.

sincerity is scary: I’m still emotionally recovering from be my mistake jeez louise but I absolutely LOVE this song too. the mv for this was *italian chef kiss* and the entire message behind this song is so ! bloody ! important ! this three song stretch of love it if we made it / be my mistake / sincerity is scary is grammy worthy within itself. I will FIGHT the recording academy if this doesn’t get an aoty nomination. and this song better be fuCKIN recognised istg

I like america & america likes me: this vocoder......yes bitch. I have chills again. maybe that’s just cause I’m cold. OH THAT BEAT DROP?? YES??? yeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeesssssss bitch. this is lit??? vocoder is a personal peeve of mine in songs but this pops off? I’ll need to look up what the lyrics are for a lot of this bc I have no clue what he’s sayin 60% of the time in this song. long fade out but im here for it

the man who married a robot: this intro??? MEMES WHOMST??? I am ? wow ? I don’t know what’s going on rn but I’m going with it. this is supposed to be a deeper meaning of a reflection of society but I cannot take this siri voice seriously. confidentiality issues and porn issues with your computer is 2 real. I’m ? this was an eye opening interlude type thing. THE VIOLINS YES PLS. this is giving me those apple launch adverts for new phones background music realness. sad wanking?? here for it and harry approved

inside your mind: these violins??? oooooOOOOooooh this piano??? OKAY BITCH???? that low note ok wow???? these lyrics are slightly stalkerish but u know. oh okay we’re taking it there??? I see. this is a very nice orchestral accompaniment. 10/10 on vocals thank u. this shredding on the guitar in the back? im assuming this is supposed 2 be self aware creepiness & thank god for that. showing how fucked males are as a gender. seeing females as a vessel for their own personal pleasure and then when they either don’t get that or have used them for what they need, turn to violence as the natural consequence of his actions.

it’s not living (if it’s not with you): a vibey song that I needed. I’m lovin it. feels like it could be part of an 80s coming of age film, like ferris bueller’s day off or sixteen candles. the chorus absolutely SLAPS and thank you for this bop. an amazing song for a long car journey/road trip. 10/10 would recommend listening

surrounded by heads and bodies: oh........no........I thought I was safe after be my mistake but APPARENTLY NOT. these harmonies are heavenly. feel like this is what you hear as you are being lifted into heaven to calm you down. has that whimsical/ethereal vibe and I absolutely love it with matty’s voice. the lyrics are fuckin sad :( I am hurting. my hort :(  will be adding this to my sleepy time playlist on spotify of songs that lull me to sweet dreams, I look forward to falling asleep to this (and I mean that in the best way possible) 

mine: this flute? hm. oh......no.....another piano my heart is too fragile for this please no. this is so pretty :( oh no I am tearing up. pleaSE I LOVE THIS. SAXOPHONE AHHHHHH MY FAVE. JAZZY????? ALL I COULD EVER WANT PLEASE THANK YOUUUUUUU. I am IN LOVE WITH THIS. lookin back on 2009? was it really raining all the time? oh this is so melancholy and I love it :( this is the type of song u slow dance to at a wedding. OHHHHH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. please I am so emotionally fragile this is a lot for my overly emotional heart to handle. you are just fine!!! because I know you are mine!!! someone stab me in the chest please!!! when will I receive love!!!! a contender for my fave on the album

I couldn’t be more in love: judging by the title if this is another slow song I’m going to bawl my eyes out. oh fuCK. this is......sad........I am..........sad. matty’s voice oh my god????? my love.....I need to be held. baby I’ll rely on all the things i did BECAUSE I’LL GIVE YOU ALL THE YEARS OF MY LIFE FUCK OFFFFFFFFFF I AM SWAN DIVING OFF A CLIFF. THIS CHOIR??? RIP MY SOUL FROM MY BODY THANKS. I am thIS close from having an emotional breakdown. and this bloody guitar solo just solidified that for me okay wow I was not nearly emotionally prepared enough for this album. THAT KEY CHANGE BITCH?????? I am so sad but I’m having a musical eargasm. wow I loved that.

I always wanna die (sometimes): (that’s a fat mood) oh no I really am going to cry during this song. oh. fuck. holy fuck this is genuinely a situation I’ve been in before and I don’t know what to do with myself. 

I had to stop and listen after the first verse because this song hit me so much. wow. this is a masterpiece. the bridge is absolutely beautiful. one of the most meaningful songs I’ve ever listened to. god listening to this song after I’ve gone through is making me so emotional. and matty’s vocals are the most angelic thing I’ve ever heard. I don’t even know how to describe this song because it’s just that good. just wow. so fucking beautiful and the best closer to an album I’ve heard since hs1. I just love this with my entire being.

overall rating: 10. my favourite album of 2018 by far. just beautifully crafted and a genuine piece of art. this is the band’s best album. I need to go process what I just heard but wow. just so beautiful and I’m thankful my ears were so blessed to hear this. faves from the album are def mine, be my mistake, tootime and I always wanna die (sometimes)

[hiphopscriptures]

Fresh Artist Fridays: Brave Williams

Don't Tell Me No, is an unapologetic assertion of vulnerability. It gives you permission to not let your ego make decisions for your heart and a reason to say yes to love. "To me, my song Don't Tell Me No, has a timeless sound. It's Classic. I really wanted to channel that feeling in the video; so I decided to pay homage to an era that represents that to me, the jazz era," mentions Brave. "I wanted something simple, elegant, clean and classic. A beautiful black piano, a talented pianist (Johnnie "Smurf" Smith), and an old school mic," she adds.

The song was written by Brave Williams, Brittany Barber (John Legend, Ty Dolla), and Kristal Tytewriter Oliver (Diddy, Chrisette Michele) and produced by Ivan “Orthodox” Barias (Mary J Blige, Phony PPL, Chris Brown) and the classic visuals were directed by Zack David. "Don't Tell Me No" music video was globally premiered on Bossip.com and is available on all streaming and download platforms now.

Brave Williams Bio:

Call it her parents’ prophetically-ordained choice of first names for a baby girl or divinely inspired coincidence - as per textbook definitions which encompass everything from “a bit daring” and “ready to face and endure” to “without showing fear” – singer/songwriter/SAG-AFTRA actress BRAVE WILLIAMS has been nothing less than courageous, spirited, determined and dauntless in her whirlwind rise to notability within the worlds of music and entertainment over the course of the past few years. Having quickly and effectively established herself as that simultaneously “sultry and edgy while everyday relatable” songstress whose “Oooh Luv Ya” and “Road Trippin’” 2015 singles set off buzzworthy online presence and fast-growing download support, in definitively brave fashion, BRAVE WILLIAMS more than lives up to the meaning of her name as she precedes her audacious, anticipated self-titled full-length debut set (a Brave New World/SRG ILS/Universal Group release) with the recent release of her oh-so-sultry R&B beat-ballad latest single, “Don’t Tell Me No.”

With her now signature self-assurance paired with a heavy dose of vocal temptress; the lovelorn, “old-school-slow-grind-meets-slinky-paced-modern-R&B” flow of “Don’t Tell Me No” finds the vocalist noted for championing her girls actually addressing the fellas this go ‘round, all while examining relationship “goings-on” and vulnerabilities both genders can easily relate to. “It’s completely relationship-driven,” Brave explains, upon sharing the inspiration for the song, “based on conversations I’ve had with my sisters and best friends. Men always have this idea that they have to be strong and powerful with whatever it is that’s going on. And men are just as scared as women to fall in love. So to me, it was like a declaration to men like ‘I know you’ve been through some things that have your protective wall up, but don’t let that heartache or disappointment become your permanent identity. You can still be open to fall in love, but fear will keep that blessing from happening.’ Because there’s so much noise happening – like politics, the social climate and things on the news – I want people to be reminded that love can slice through all of that…and kill all the noise. I want that to be welcomed, and I want people to be invited to always go back to love despite everything’s that’ going on.” Though attitude-laced, ladies’ anthem-styled singles like 2017’s bouncy, head-boppin’ “U Tried it” and early 2020’s deep-bouncin’ “Options” may have empowered the ladies, she’s ultimately a fair and equal opportunity (musical) communicator. “I am so pro-women, like I am always here for my girls,” she ponders upon the mention of feminism, “but I never want anyone to think or take my interpretation that I’m anti-man, because I’m not anti-man. I love my men, which is why I wrote ‘Don’t Tell Me No,’ because I wanted to speak to my men like ‘I know you’re scared. I know that you can be feeling some type of way about love and relationships. But let’s do this together; don’t tell me no.’”

Largely produced by Ivan Barias (Musiq Soulchild/Mary J. Blige/Chris Brown) while Brave handled songwriting alongside co-writers Brittany Barber (John Legend/Ty Dolla/Love & Hip Hop Hollywood) and Kristal Tytewriter (Diddy/Chrisette Michele), multifaceted Brave’s anxiously-awaited Brave Williams full-length LP aims to make good on the promise and hoopla generated by the release of her Fearless EP (2015) and its breakthrough singles. “Ivan is part of my Philly team whom I’ve known for several years now,” she shares. “He actually produced a lot of my records on Fearless. Once we met through [our mutual manager] Michael we just clicked. So it’s actually Ivan and Tytewriter [I worked with]; she’s a Philly-based songwriter who’s worked with Diddy, Ledisi and Estelle…and she’s also an engineer. So she engineers all my sessions.”

Hence, beyond the independent woman-themed “Options” and the love introspection of “Don’t Tell Me No,” the BRAVE WILLIAMS contemporary hip-hop/R&B music listeners have come to know musically and melodically elaborates and narrates an everyday love journey with a debut set that manages to tell a full-fledged story. “This new album is me being totally transparent about relationships; so I’m taking you through the beginning, the middle and the end of relationships,” says the sassy siren of her Brave Williams debut. “Whatever those emotions are, it’s telling a complete story. So in the beginning, when you’re extremely happy and have that full love feeling, is something I wanted to capture with the uptempo songs. Or going in the middle when you realize ‘Ok wait a second; the person I met six months ago has left the building’ and it’s like “Who is this guy? Let’s not forget that I still need you to treat me like you treated me in the beginning.’ And it takes you all the way to the end, whatever the end might be; if you’re happy, there are happy songs on there. And if it’s a breakup or even some of my own trials and tribulations that’s I’ve experienced in relationships, I’ve definitely penned those songs. It’s kinda like a diary…..a relationship diary [which is a bit scary].”

As it turns out, the seeds for her talent and penchant for storytelling can be traced to her early Baltimore, Maryland-based childhood…more specifically in the back-seat of her Mom and Dad’s red Chevy, on a day she vividly recalls hearing legendary rapper Tupac’s “Keep Ya Head Up.” “I remember it like it was yesterday; I was mesmerized,” Brave recounts. “I know that I had heard hip-hop before that moment, but that was the first time that it really resonated with me and I started writing. I really just started writing poems. I had no idea I could sing because I started out rapping.” Always quick to showcase her rapping and spoken word skills at open mics, she confesses that she stumbled onto the notion that she could sing upon trying to turn one of the raps she’d written into a song. That epiphany spurred a newfound exploration and appreciation of the R&B of her generation (“I love Faith Evans, Jill Scott since her first album and ‘What’s the 411?’ by Mary J, because she was like the perfect marriage of hip-hop and R&B”), as well as more classic R&B from the likes of Stevie Wonder, Bobby Caldwell and one of her idols, 80s singer/songwriter/musician Patrice Rushen.

Armed with her newfound appreciation of soul/R&B and burgeoning songwriting talent while honing her singing chops, characteristically ballsy go-getter Brave ventured and dared to develop her craft partaking in countless local open mics, one of which permanently changed the direction of her life and fast-forming music career. “Someone in the crowd pulled me aside after I got off stage [one night] and said ‘I wanna introduce you to a producer in D.C. who’s looking for an artist,’” she recounts. “From that, I was introduced to [producer] Rich Harrison (Beyonce'/Amerie), I signed a solo deal with Columbia Records and I never let them know that I had just learned how to sing two weeks before.” Thus the spirited determination which defines her very name arose, in which case she admittedly “faked it. I was like ‘Yeah, I could sing’ and once I got in the studio they could tell I was undeveloped. So once ‘the cat was out the bag’ I knew I didn’t want to lose my deal, but I needed to put myself around singers so I could grow. So that’s how I came up with Richgirl.” Signed to Jive Records, though the female quartet (which also included fellow siren Sevyn Streeter) captured the attention of an immediately awestruck urban audience with their mad-tight Harrison-produced “He Ain’t Wit Me Now,” which fans concluded should have been huge and remains a multi-million-viewed VEVO music clip, the group never quite got off the ground.

However, when you’re the living and breathing synonym for the word “brave” – in fact, indomitable – you move one, following your creativity and passion where fate takes you. In the case of BRAVE WILLIAMS, that meant persistently pursuing her dreams, adeptly learning from her experiences and exposure and seizing opportunities presented until that eventual “right place, right time” scenario. “It was because of that experience [with the group] that I got the knowledge to start my own label,” admits Brave, “just to learn the administrative work a major label actually does. To learn the type of work that’s required of an artist…like the long hours and tour life. It gave me tools to really navigate and properly start my own label (Brave New World). That’s what I did after the group disbanded and then that’s when I put out my first song, ‘Ooh Luv Ya.’ Then I hired everyone I needed [like a street team], the PR and ‘this and that’ to get that song on radio. And so when that started playing on radio, that’s what got the attention of R&B Divas (TV-One reality show).” Like a fast-rolling, momentum-building snowball, Brave commenced to not only recording her Fearless EP with subsequent singles and landed noted acting roles in VH-1’s CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story biopic, BET’s Angrily Ever After, her first leading role in Netflix’s Love Dot Com and BET’s The Christmas Lottery (alongside Greenleaf’s Asia Epperson and Family Matters’ Reginald Vel Johnson), but embarked on her passion for philanthropy though hands-on work and involvement with Associated Black Charities, the Baltimore area’s St. Francis Mentorship Program and City Women’s Shelter, acting as Ambassador/lead lrainer for the Steve & Marjorie Harvey Girls Who Rule The World girls’ mentorship program (for 200 young girls from around the world); and advocating health, fitness training and wellness through her very own Brave Williams Fitness Club. The club’s specialization in weight loss, diet nutrition, personal training, tailored fitness plans and increasing muscle mass is a personal passion she takes quite seriously and a source of great pride given its results in her local community. “In the last two years I’ve transformed 3,200 bodies,” proudly shares ISSA-licensed (International Sports and Science) certified trainer, Brave, “from women who were morbidly obese and those who’ve suffered from diabetes, to heart palpitations and other illnesses. It’s always my goal to get them off the various medications and another thing that I’m really passionate about.”

In the meantime, music listeners can also rest assured that same exact level of creative passion was invested into every song that comprises her curiously-awaited Brave Williams debut collection. “I wanted to be transparent in my moment and that was the moment of writing this album and reflecting on everything. I want people to relate to it. I want to be able to inspire the people who hear the songs. And if they’re in that type of relationship at that time, they can use some of my records as navigation on how to handle what they’re feeling. My whole purpose is to inspire.” Sounds to me like the musical mission taken on by beautiful and multi-talented BRAVE WILLIAMS was much more than accomplished.

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[violetsystems]

#personal

Spending winters alone at this point is something I’m pretty good at.  This is if you count how good at shoveling snow I’ve become.  When I first moved to the city I was obsessed with fixed gear biking.  I rode one total season in the winter and look back on it with disbelief.  There is no way in hell I would put myself through that much suffering.  This winter hasn’t been as brutally cold but it’s been lonely.  February is my birth month.  I barely celebrate the day and it’s pretty much over.  The only contact these days it seems is with recruiters, my parents and here.  I’ve honed a lot of positivity throughout all of this by focusing on one simple metric.  What is working and what isn’t.  When it comes to this city I’ve spent years past living here and travelling abroad.  The trips I spent solely trying to do this thing that people called networking.  Just back in September I finally paid off all I owed from those trips that bore no fruit in terms of a  professional network to rely on .  I played small shows.  I met up with people and acquaintances I knew overseas trying to feel out what daily life would look like.  This took me to Korea, China, Japan and even as far as New Zealand by myself.  That last trip I made overseas was back in 2018 around the first time the two Koreas met at the DMZ.  From there I switched my focused to New York.  I flew one birthday during fashion week and spent the entire time exploring alone.  I met up with a friend who worked at Eddie Huang’s Bauhaus and had lunch in Chinatown at a Vietnamese restaurant.  I pushed my way through my awkwardness and tried to see the path forward.  One of those trips found me eating ice cream outside Chinatown Ice Cream Factory alone desperately trying to find a warm meal.  I ended up eating next door at a Xi’an restaurant where mysteriously a friend’s picture hung on the wall staring back at me accusingly by chance.  I ordered the flatbread and went about my business just like always.  This was back in 2017 at least and completely random.  There were things I couldn’t avoid.  Most of those were my own dumb luck wandering around in the absolute freedom of being alone.  Some things I would try so hard to do.  To be noticed.  To be valued.  To be accepted.  And yet people forgot me just the same.  I became so lost and alone.  Wandering into a familiar face felt so twisted and cosmically significant.  Like seeing the North star in an absolute moment of panic in regards to your lack of direction.  I’m amazed looking back sometimes that I put myself out there so much and continue to.  After all this time and all these journeys, I sit here every Saturday doing the same thing.  On the surface of my life, it seems like nothing has changed.  In fact, it seems like it’s gotten worse.  I am far more alone than I can even describe.  I’ve felt cold shoulders and colder attitudes simply forget that I exist as if they cared to begin with.  And I spent these winters in a warm bed with a warmer GPU thinking about a person I care about more than I did in 2017 or even years before that.  If I spent the entire winter obsessed about what wasn’t working I’d have missed what was.  That’s supposed to be a joke that I technically work for myself.  The value of my work is practically invisible to the naked eye for the last eight months.  But when it means something it definitely means something.  

When something is working generally means it brings some meaning to your life through complete confusion.  Anybody with an engineer’s mindset knows that every problem has solutions.  How efficient and effective those solutions are depending on the problem itself.  Culture is meant to remedy problems in society by expressing unique power over establishment and systemic injustices.  Injustice is a complex thing and follows the lines of power and how it flows.  In America, we’re sold on this idea that we are free to be who we want to be.  And we’re also run by a bunch of people who think Ayn Rand is still hot.  For people in America, the solution is money.  Money buys freedom.  Culture is just something you post up on your corporate Facebook page during Black history month to fake like you aren’t part of the problem.   It’s the rainbow flag icon you post during your lunch hour break at Chik-fil-a to show your gay friends you care.  These are very inefficient ways to confront power dynamics and bridge communities together.  And yet these are the metrics we pay attention to and judge each other by.  Our participation in performative politics.  Participation is something I wouldn’t call what I see out in the streets every day.  There is something about walking the walk that shows you how many people are talking from a soapbox.  And yet society seems to only validate the most obvious of sentiments when it comes down to keeping it real.  We can say we’re woke all day long.  I would call it spoke.  Because I’m supposed to believe an entire city’s sanctimonious words when I’ve seen the absolute opposite.  They’re all nice sentiments.  That we are a welcoming city.  I wouldn’t call it that at all.  But it’s about as Gotham as you can get without being Batman for sure.  There’s a lot bullshit that gets brought directly to your doorstep.  And there’s a lot of fake bullshit you can simply just ignore.  That is if you see what is working and what isn’t.  A lot of my friends from the footwork community would always say “It is what it is.”  The tone rings in my head.  A certain sense of defeat to it.  You travel all over the world for years trying to find your worth.  And you come back to sit here writing week to week to realize.  It is what it is.  All that baggage is gone.  All the guilt that you aren’t hardcore or special enough.  All the blame you pointed at yourself for not being good or pretty enough to attract the attention you deserve.  All the exhaustion worrying the wrong kind of people won’t stop leaving you alone.  Travelling around the world alone and through the winter storms by myself were about one thing.  Creating a safe space for myself and an environment to grow.  We rely on city’s and governments with agendas that eclipse our own narrative.  And when we focus on our own and what is working we see clearly what isn’t.  The value of work in my situation is a total mindfuck.  Imagine if you were me and realized that after all this time nothing you do matters.  That everything you were trying to prove to yourself doesn’t matter to a society that is more lost than you can imagine.  And however lost I can be I still can’t seem to avoid the inevitable.  That I care about somebody deeply in a way that defies any expectation other than making the world right for you.  Sometimes at the very expense of me.  Which is why it is what is when it comes to my progress how many ever years I’ve been alive at this point. 

If all we all wanted was some peace and quiet I’m ahead of the curve however bleeding edge and lonely that is.  All I know how to be is consistent.  I criticize myself every day.  This is because nobody really openly encourages me here to do anything.  It’s always intimidation and suggestion.  This is how people communicate.  The silver lining is that it is so ineffective that other forms of communication have grown to matter more.  A click of a button from the right person means more.  A click of the right content communicates something deeper.  More so than a sentence full of poorly constructed words in my native tongue strung together like you know... with feeling and shit.  It’s the vibe, bro.  Are we all supposed to just accept that bro is even gender neutral at this point?  I’m a writer by design.  I’ve always been that even though it’s worth zero to the world.  Comprehension is key.  You don’t have communication if the other party is just listening.  And sometimes what you are saying isn’t very efficiently deployed.  But actual communication is a two way street.  I know this because I walk the streets daily and it’s been one sided at best.  Nobody here actually communicates with me.  If they did they would know how much pain I am in.  How much scarring this has all caused.  And the real information here is that nobody cares.  And that is what it is.  I’m free not to think this city or it’s people really have my best interests at heart let alone this country.  I’m free to let go of what isn’t working and bolster what is.  I’m free to let go of the fear of missing out because nobody wants to admit I’ve seen more than enough to know.  Nobody wants me to destroy the dominant narrative because they can’t deal with the chaos of not having the ultimate say.  And yet I walk around like a bull in an American glass house.  Crashing into things and people pointing the finger at me.  I once almost had my phone stolen years ago.  I was sitting drinking coffee working on a laptop with my phone on the table.  A young kid passed a newspaper over the phone and mumbled something as he passed by.  I caught his hand under the paper and snapped the paper back.  He looked on horrified as I had caught him trying to steal the phone.  He barked back at me.  “it’s your fault for being a stupid ass.”  Then ran away.  You catch this city and these people doing horrible things to your civil rights and privacy daily.  And the blame is pointed back on you like it’s your fault for being a victim.  The real victims aren’t you.  You spend years in a city that should know better about what you are worth only to be completely invisible and unwanted.  That is obviously not working aside from the fact that it’s far cheaper than New York and planes are fun.  It is what it is.  I’ve spent how many winters alone.  I’ve posted how many articles about cybersecurity on my company’s linkedin page.  I’ve made how many footwork tracks and reached out to how many people I’ve sat across from in the flesh.  And I’m still here alone.  I’ve travelled to New York how many times and eaten how much Chinese flatbread.  All this and I can’t escape my fate.  It is what it is.  I really wouldn’t want to escape it.  Certainly from the vantage point of being alone, tired, exhausted, unwanted, sad and depressed I’d really like to start blaming myself for being worthless.  But if being hard on yourself worked then we’d be out of the woods by now.  I focus on what’s working and how to make it more efficient.  I also don’t expect anything other than waking up another morning thinking what it means to be the best for myself and the people I love.  I’d say here’s to another decade of winter’s alone on tumblr.  But we all know we’re not really alone in here.  And plus haven’t I spent enough winters alone by now? <3 Tim.

[krystlind]

here i am. i will just write. I will just write this to me, as I always do.

I have to confess some fears

Of being heard, of hiding, hiding behind others

And then I felt this built up over the year, where its been hard to give, been hard to make space, been hard to hear of others, started losing that

i forget I have something worth saying, not because i’m credible

I realize its because I’ve been neglecting myself, what I have to say

I think as women, especially filipino women, we have such a collective mentality, we forget to be our individual voice

so in the mission of rising up...

I want you to know, that you have the answers inside of you. you have everything you need to know, already inside of you. the key is to get really still, and silent, and to learn how to listen to that voice, that is your intuition. find her. the higher self, as some would call it. in order to be able to tune into that voice clearer, you have to tune into "her” frequently. this is by getting in touch with yourself, through journaling, learning about yourself, talking with others. but a very unfrequented way of doing this is by getting still and silent. silent and stillness is one of the most powerful things we can do, and yet it is so underutilized. un-tapped into. we’re in a world where when we need answers, when we need understanding, we consume. we stream. we read info, we subscribe, we talk talk talk. we turn go on social media, on the news or videos, even books and podcasts. 

honestly, I am one to stream and consume a lot of content and information. I stream a lot of things. but lately, i just haven’t been able to carry it, all the noise. is anyone here with me on this? something I’ve been really craving lately, is silence, and getting quiet. It’s funny when I see the evolution of the pandemic, the beginning was a lot of “what’s going on with the world” attached with consuming a lot of news, updates, etc to “what’s going on with our lives, jobs, careers, norm” consumed with social media, seeing how people are dealing, what companies are doing, etc and then it just kept going longer more than we expected, and it became “what’s going on with me.” I see this year, has been so much change, so unprecedented as we said. and i mentioned this in a previous podcast, mid2020 reflections and intentions setting, how it’s allowed things hidden at the bottom of the pool to rise up to the surface. and for many of us who allowed that to rise up, we started to see things in ourselves that have been buried deep, from the distractions, from routine, from noise, from the humdrum of life, rise up. for better or for worse, this year has made us confront that which was needing confrontation all along. whether it was related to the economy, to our systems, to racial injustice, to poverty, to our home life, to our relationship, to our jobs, to our priorities, to what really matters, to most importantly, ourselves.

the reason for this theme, is because.. it came from a realization, from a moment. basically, over the past few months, i was finally letting go of a relationship, and it was really difficult. it was a person i was with for 3 years, and towards the end it just got so unaligned. . but we stayed together during the quarantine. and the problems that were always there really just got amplified. things got really rocky, and i had to get out. all of a sudden, in the midst of all the pandemic craziness going on, on top of having lost my job, i was moving out and trying to find a new home to live, and transitioning out of a 3 year relationship. It was one of those moments i felt all the plugs had been pulled. i was talking to one of my spiritual mentors, because i was anticipating this next chapter, and not really knowing how to get through. the thing is in the past, whenever there is something I’m trying to figure out, hard decision-making, i’ve tended to look at all resources around me, my community, externally, and start trying to make sense of things. i talk with my friends, mentors, i look up next steps, i research, i collect as much advice, and look at all the pieces in front of me, and make a plan. so this was quite natural to do. i don’t remember quite what I said, i was fretting “denise, i just don’t know how i’m going to get through this next part. I’m not sure where I’m moving to next. I don’t want to go back home to family, but I also need to look for a job. I’m also scared of being heartbroken, or that I’m gonna take the wrong step. I’m not sure how to make the most informed decision right now.” and she replies “you know everything you need to know already inside of you to get you through this.”

and that really just hit me. why? because, it made me stop and ask, “I do?” and then that flipped to, “well, yes don’t i? why wouldn’t i?” the fact that i was so surprised to hear that, made me realize, how soon I was to look at all the external things around me, to plan y next move, to make me feel secure, to look for the answers, to look for clarity, how much i leaned on people as sound boards, and outside advice, to feel equipped. and there is nothing with that. i think it is so so important to use people and resources around you. but why is it that often the first place we go to make sense of what’s happening, is everyone and everything around us, and the last place we consult with is ourselves. 

since hearing that, this past few months, something i have been practicing that has been so profound is stillness. it is one of the most powerful tools we can use to get grounded and get clarity, and it is the most underutilzied. why? i  believe it is because often we don’t trust oursevles or we have been so conditioned to empower ourselve snad decisions with extenral things, and noise. we have discounted the voice within, when all along, there are answers deep inside of us, just waiting to be heard, whether it is a pointed answer or just a way of being that we don’t know yet until we tune into ourselves.

somme of the most profound realizations i have gotten in 2020 during the pandemic, was not when i talke diwth enough people, listened to enough podcasts, read enough stuff, but when it was when i got alone, got in silence, and listened to myself. really listened to myself. and when I say these moments, i mean that it literally changed me. 

for example, in the beginning of quarantine, i heard “you’re not here for us” and that was journey into love and acceptance of my body, of listening to it, of giving it love instead of making it someting to be improved.

another one was with Christy, “who are you without your productivity, and timelines” and i got silent and still and just let somethign come up, and that’s when i realized i was putting so much of my worth on my plans, and i almost didn’t know my identity without it. that realization when getting still was so profound, that’s when we began the 21 day jouranlign journey to embrace stillness. it was also a way to counter the chaos, that called people to plan, that was the beginning of my relationship to stillness.

did midyear 2020 reflections, “what is your soul trying to tell you” this has been the most powerful question for everyone

“you have been becoming all along”

“you are carried”

Becoming still and silent, has so much to offer.

In turn, this has made me really wonder 2 things:

1) why is it that the first places we turn to is everywhere but ourselves

- we haven’t been told there’s an inner knowing

- we don’t trust ourselves enough

2) what are ways we have been taught to not trust in ourselves, to disregard our intuition, and why?

How we’ve been taught to trust everything, but ourselves

And pull from every where but within

History

Before the Spanish colonized the Philippines, there existed a 500-year long tradition of indigenous feminism that predated women’s liberation in the West. Babaylan refers to the pre-colonial Philippine tradition of female mystical healers whose spiritual connectedness was a source of political and social power. Babaylan women serve as intermediaries between spiritual and material worlds in their communities. Their leadership roles are multi-fold: warrior, healer, priestess and sage. Babaylans listen to the community and lead through a deep understanding of the inter-connectedness of all life forms.

our authority, taken away. made dependent. 

Religion

I am christian, I am a follower of God, I believe he is the almighty and that we all have a piece of the divine in us

i believe that religion and the church, back in the day it was set up as an entity of power

catholicism, you confess to the priest

and they were able to control people, to listen to the priest, how things were translated 

and some of those structures, i think mistakenly and unfortunately are still permeating the way that religion and certain churches are made and teaching today

you’re taught the concept of die to the self, go to Christ

i don’t think that ever meant neglecting ourselves

if you’re a person of faith, don’t think i’m dethroning God and his authority in any way. i think there’s something very accurate about God as the ultimate omniscient source of truth. 

i feel like religion has taught us to go every where but ourselves: go to God of course, go to the church, the pastors, open up to the community group or bear each other’s burdens, but none of that about getting still and hearing what our own souls have to say. it’s almost like it blasphemous to do so. which is frustrating because i do feel that God, the Divine, communicates to us through our soul. hello

1st John 4No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.

another way we have been conditioned societally to neglect our own personal knowing, voice, is through identity constructs and norms. whether its gender norms women of being non-disruptive, non- as a woman, we have been made to question our credibility. that we have to build that up first before we have the right to take up space.

studies show: job descriptions

While both genders browse jobs similarly, they apply to them differently. Research shows that in order to apply for a job women feel they need to meet 100% of the criteria while men usually apply after meeting about 60%.LinkedIn behavioral data backs this up — women tend to screen themselves out of the conversation and end up applying to 20% fewer jobs than men. What’s more, women are more hesitant to ask for a referral from somebody they know at the company.

Women have an intuition, that is so powerful. we were made to carry life so our intuition is bestowed. i’ve read somewhere that men have gut feeling and women have intuiotion, 

Women are said to posses a superior intuition (women's intuition), an almost psychic — and somewhat frightening — knack for knowing what others are feeling and thinking. Experts say this intuition is based on an ability to read facial expressions and body language.

Society is set up (credibility) to not come to the table without backing it up

what school did you go to, what are your accolades, what’s the data, what are the studies, how does your experience back it up

and in no way am i discrediting the importance of this, i am a huge proponent of if you’re coming with a view, an opinion, back it up

but what i mean is that this emphasis sometimes makes us question how much more we can go internally for answers

that we see ourselves as a person less of an authority with answers for our life than the professional therapist

but that’s why, even in therapy, they let you talk, they’re not trying to give you the answers, but the TOOLS to MINE the answers outside of yourself

that’s what i mean, we are a walking gold mine, of our own desires, next steps, of what we need to hear.

take a quick reflection of the past year of the global pandemic. lots of us were turned on our heels, lots of changes, i know for me.

audit, how many times you went externally for answers, to “make sense” and then how many times, you went internally. and i get it. it can be non-instinctive to go internally. what does that even mean. but i know you felt it, when the world was just getting too much. news alert here, covid update, numbers. you know it when social media just got too much. can you relate? there was a time, i would go on social media and it seemed like during the pandemic, everyone was making a statement, was making moves, releasing this webinar, this offering, this class, this opinion about the protest, this stance, wow they’re all making moves! i should too! and if i don’t, i’m not being worthy of this time. like i felt that. this need to “fill in” also. filipina on the rise as a platform wasn’t as engaged in this current event, we’re not making enough posts, we’re not doing virtual events

and i actually took a step back, and was like, “I don’t need to. there’s enough. there’s really no point in saying something, posting something, offering something, to be a part of it

otherwise you’re just adding to the noise!

so where it cam authentically for me, was when i felt something true from my heart to talk about, then i would. such as making the starting a podcast webinar because a lot of people in this time started getting creative and wanting to start a podcast which is awesome! and then on a random day, something stirred in my heart that i felt i needed to write about. and i would write about it. it’s so much better that way, more authentic, and more valuable to the collective conscious then just posting because you feel you *need* to.

and honestly, i don’t post now unless it’s really coming from me. not as a branding or growth technique, i know a lot of people do that and that’s cool! but I want to come of authentic and sincere, like people feel connected, not more content in their face

but it relates to what we’re talking to, if the goal is to channel something impactful, authentic and sincere out there, that comes from within and being so in touch with what it is you truly believe in and how you want to show up for the word, and guess what, that comes from diving deeper, not distractions, this is why in our last podcast we talked about personal activism, and how its so much more effective to find personal clarity and understanding of your stance before debating with the collective and adding on to the noise

when the world goes loud, get silent. when everyone goes outwards, go inwards. when the world is moving, get still.

We forget we have this inner knowing.

this is your power. this is also how you get back in touch and start cultivating that relationship with yourself, buidling that trust back up with yourself. we want to build trust within ourselves, but we need to start by giving her a voice, and saying, “hey, you’re worth it, to be heard. i know i’ve been runnign around to everything else around me first, but i’m going to give you a listen.

and this is in no way, devaluing the power of wisdom around us. from family, friends, research, teachings, education, from our community, from God, etc. 

in fact, it is counting its value, because our inner guide, is not based off of anything. our inner knowing, has been formed by these beautiful things. you have a whole voice and guide inside of you, that has lived through your life, even though you don’t remember every single thing, think of that inner wisdom as having remembered and integrated, all your experiences, all your memories and lessons learned, as having the ingredients of all the wisdom and knowledge you’ve ever received.

Intuition, or a sixth sense, is something many of us rely on for snap judgments and often life-altering decisions. But what exactly is it? A 2008 study in the British Journal of Psychology defined intuition as what happens when the brain draws on past experiences and external cues to make a decision -- but it happens so fast that the reaction is at an unconscious level.

our soul is speaking to us, and we silence it, the very thing that makes us who we are. we discount its credibility. we discredit our own selves when we turn to everything but ourselves.

get still when you can, and listen to what you have to say. it’s not going to be like “plan this, then that.” it’s not about these material details. the soul counts that second to what its trying to tell you about your being, your value, the love that you are. when I heard “you need to be here for us” that was the most powerful thing to hear from my soul, because it allowed me to take care and give love for my body. and i wouldn’t have heard that.

so i just encourage you for a moment every day, to get still and embrace the silence. when you’re tempted to look for answers first everywhere, don’t forget to see what’s already lying within. it’s like you’re sitting on a gold mine, and you just need to tap into it. you will find so much beauty and love, in what your inner, higher self is trying to tell you. you will find she has so much love and grace and kindness and high hopes for you. 

it doesn’t mean you’re ignoring God. it just means that you are allowing yourself to love yourself by giving her trust.it

[tiannarosetarot]

Wonho Current Energy Reading (After his Concert!!!) - 9/26

Alright so let me just start by saying, I am sooooo proud of Wonho. His concert tonight was spectacular and so him; it was clear that he was extremely passionate and honest about everything he was doing and saying. I just fell in love with him even more. This really feels almost full circle for me, like I’m so satisfied. Of course, I’ll always hope for more, but tonight he exceeded my expectations in every possible way, and I couldn’t ask for anything else. 

I feel like tonight’s reading really sums up how I was feeling about the whole situation, and I’m sure others feel the same. This will be a reading on his current energy after the concert; how he is feeling, how Wenee are feeling, what he wants to convey to us, and what we need to convey to him. 

Since it’s getting late for me and I want to post this tonight, I will keep the talking short and get straight to the heart of these cards. 

First of all, I want to point out the fact that four of the five oracle cards from tonight are New Moon Cards, which is actually pretty rare. Many cards throughout tonight's reading mention new beginnings and rebirths, and I think that is the situation that is happening now. He is getting a second chance to prove why he deserves to be up on that stage, and he hasn’t disappointed. These cards call us to make minor adjustments possibly in our expectations or our hopes, but to also realize that we are on the right track to reaching our goal. Our hard work to bring him back, and his extremely hard work to come back better than ever, is paying off. This is a new start for him professionally, as well as a new relationship for us as his Wenee. Just like any relationship, communication is very important. One thing I did notice during tonight’s performance was that it seemed like everything that I was wanting Wonho to hear from Wenee was being expressed to him, and that he was also able to fulfill everything we were requesting as well. The communication between Wonho and his fans has always been very strong, and I know it must’ve been hard for him to not communicate with us for so long before, but now he is back and able to share his emotions freely with us. The New Moon in Libra card also tells us that this will be a very healthy and balanced relationship, and I think that is true. Wonho doesn’t make us feel like just his fans, it’s as if we are able to benefit him just as much as he does to us, and that we both want to share more and more love for each other. Wonho has talked a lot lately about wanting to repay the love that we have given to him, although I believe we were just making up for everything he did for us, but anyway, there’s a lot of love and positive energy going around if we block out the few loud negative voices in the crowd. Twitter can get kinda toxic, but it seems like most Wenee in general really do care about Wonho and vice versa. 

Now onto the tarot cards! Firstly, I really love whenever the Justice card comes up in my Wonho readings, because I really do feel like that is what has been happening in this situation. He is finally getting the justice he deserves, after being treated so unfairly before. Even when he lost everything, he’s been able to come back. There’s also a quote from the booklet that I always like to bring up because I think it’s the one thing keeping me from giving up this whole time. It says “even though events in our life may seem unjust, there is a divine order to the universe”. I think this has been super important to remember, that everything does happen for a reason, and although this all may have started out extremely painfully, it does have a happy ending, which brings us to the next card, the Unknown Card. This card points out that the answers are not quite ready to be revealed yet, or we aren’t meant to know the answer right now. I think a number of things could happen from this point that we as fans might not be aware of, but I think this is reminding us to really just live in the moment. Just be happy and satisfied for now, that he is back on the stage doing what he loves. The situation may not be complete yet, but it doesn’t need to be. For now let’s just enjoy the time that we have together, as who knows how long it will last. 

The last three cards are really interesting because they are all in the suit of Cups, which represents emotions and the element of water. As Wonho is a Pisces, I think it’s really nice to see so many cup cards coming up, because I think it shows that he is really in his element, and being his true self. I think the Eight of Cups although it is a sad card in general, doesn’t necessarily need to be a bad thing. It talks about reluctantly and cautiously emerging from the water in order to find something new and more fulfilling. I think this represents Wonho leaving Monsta X in order to find his own path, and although it’s scary and painful and he might not want to, I think he is going to find that there are other amazing things on the other side. Sometimes it’s alright or even necessary to go away for a little bit or be put into an uncomfortable situation in order to find what is really important, something that may not have ever been discovered if this hadn’t happened. We are getting to see Wonho as a solo artist, something that we really didn’t get to see much of during his time in Monsta X. This experience has really forced him to take the spotlight and put himself out there. I think he is learning so much, and this experience will ultimately make him a better person. Next, the Queen of Cups. I’ve honestly always associated this card with Wonho, as the Queen of Cups is someone who is really emotionally secure, but is also really sensitive, caring and protective. Wonho is so warm and sweet and I think him being so emotionally vulnerable is what makes him so “masculine”. It takes a lot of strength to be able to show those more emotional sides, and I think he’s never been afraid to challenge traditional gender roles, and just be himself. His sensitive side is what really made me fall for him. The Queen of Cups is also quite similar to the next card, the Page of Cups, a messenger who is here to teach us and remind us to be compassionate and loving. I think that also describes Wonho extremely well, and I do always think about what he would do in a situation before I make a decision. He inspires me to be more warm and loving, and I think we need more people like him in this world. This card also symbolizes a new beginning and calls us to keep an open mind for what is to come (no pun intended, however quite of these cards mentioned the words “open mind”). 

Overall, I think that Wonho is definitely here for a strong reason, and I feel so blessed to get to be his fan. I try to think about everything that Wonho has taught me, and think about what he would want me to do. I really can’t say how proud I am of him, but I also want to say that I’m really proud of myself and all Monbebe/Wenee for not giving up this whole time. It’s been a long journey, and although it’s not finished, I definitely think we can take a little time to celebrate how far we’ve come. Don’t forget to tell those you love how you feel about them, because you have no idea how long you’ll have with them. However it is clear to me now that when things really are meant to be, they will always find a way to be. Everything is for a reason, and I’m just excited to continue to discover what those reasons are. 

Have an amazing night Monbebe/Wenee! Take care of yourselves, don’t give up and remember how beautiful you are! Thank you for giving Wonho your love in your own way, and make sure to remember to give love to yourself and others as well. You are so strong, you are so powerful, and you can make a difference. I’ll be back soon with an analysis of all of my Wonho readings together to see the journey we’ve all taken together! See you soon!

[aemilythings-blog1]

Looking up at those high peaks and rock walls from the valley, have you ever wanted to get up there and see the view? Or maybe you just want to challenge yourself and have some new experiences?

Taking the step from hiking to climbing is a common one. I started that way along with almost everyone I know. After all, getting to the top and having those new experiences is something inherent to being human. It’s what drives people, taking to the seas to discover new lands in times past, or now into space in the new frontier. We want to explore and challenge ourselves.

While climbing may seem dangerous, it’s no more dangerous than spending any time in the outdoors. Not sure about that?

Have a read of this post:

Why do people climb? Is climbing dangerous?

Climbing can be done by all genders and at all ages. The last few years has seen a whole crowd of female adventurers who have pushed limits and generally been bad-asses in the outdoors. It’s awesome to see! And people are still getting into climbing in their later years and achieving impressive grades and feats! There's hope for me yet when I look at them!

So are you keen to break into the vertical world but not sure about how to do it?

It all begins with a first step and a choice…

CHOOSE YOUR PATH

One of the first things to think about is what sort of terrain you would like to get into.

Here are some of the choices:

Alpine

You want the real deal: full on mountainous terrain with snow and ice. A high degree of knowledge and skill is usually required as objective hazards like weather, avalanche risk and terrain are very real and need to be assessed seriously at all times.

Sub-Alpine Peaks

Generally these peaks are low enough (or in countries with warmer climates) that snow does not form on them therefore eliminating some of the objective hazards found on snow capped versions. They can also be the snow capped versions in summer months, turning into rocky spires, buttresses and slopes after the snow has melted away. With a lack of snow and ice this does not mean they are completely risk free however. Staying safe still requires good knowledge and skill.

Scrambles

Many hikes often have scrambles to get to ridges or summits. While scrambling may seem tamer than actual rock climbing with ropes and gear, it’s the lack of this equipment (for various reasons) that can make it slightly more dangerous than rock climbing. If you aren't sure what scrambling is, have a look at this:

How to improve your scrambling ability

Rock Climbing

This is the typical style involving ropes and gear to stay safe while ascending vertical rock faces with hands and feet. You get great views and an amazing experience along with a sense of well being.

After you have chosen your terrain, you can begin with those first steps to getting vertically skilled and experienced. And remember, just because you start on one doesn’t mean you are limited to it.

You can start wherever you want and see where it leads!

FIRST STEPS TO GETTING VERTICAL

There are many ways to get into climbing, but here I will cover the easiest and safest ways to get you into the terrain of your choosing.

Alpine

Being the most challenging terrain you can get into, it’s important to take the right steps to ensure you do it right. There are many objective hazards that need heeding, and this makes it one of the tougher areas to break into.

But don’t let that put you off. Mountains of the snow capped variety are absolutely incredible and well worth visiting!

Your best way of getting into this terrain is with a comprehensive alpine skills course, often referred to as a ‘technical mountaineering course’ (TMC). Ranging from 7 to 10 days, this will consolidate all your training you receive to be able to continue the path yourself by teaching all you need to know to get started.

I did my TMC with Alpine Guides in Mt Cook, New Zealand. Though I had the rope skills from rock climbing already, I needed confidence on snow and ice, a terrain I was unfamiliar with. The course covered everything, so even people not familiar with rope skills will be taken care of with excellent instruction.

To reinforce the skills and experience learnt, make sure to get out as often as possible to practice. Ideally, and at the minimum, it might look like this:

► Weekly: Read or further your knowledge by following along with websites or magazines that have good reading material on all the different aspects of mountaineering and rock climbing.

► Once a month: Outdoor climbing with a club or friends to use rope skills and gain ‘mental training’ to deal with exposure.

► Every 6 months: One peak at your ability level, or one which can be done with other experienced partners.

As mentioned, this would be a minimum. The more you can do, the better. Join appropriate clubs to keep in the loop and have partners and club trips you can go on.

Sub Alpine Peaks

While lacking the big objective hazards, sub alpine peaks or peaks with no snow or ice still require some careful planning to ensure safety. Often these can have exposed scrambles or short, vertical rock steps that may need ropes and gear.

Your best way of getting into this terrain is by joining a outdoor climbing group or club. Learn the basics and if you are having trouble, don’t hesitate to do a short 1 or 2 day climbing skills course that covers the ‘hard’ skills of rope-work and gear, and not the ‘soft’ skills of climbing. You can gain the soft skills easily by keeping regular practice and getting tips and pointers from partners of club members.

To reinforce the skills and experience learnt, make sure to get out as often as possible to practice. Ideally, and at the minimum, it might look like this:

► Weekly: Read or further your knowledge by following along with websites or magazines that have good reading material on all the different aspects of mountaineering and rock climbing.

► Once a month: Outdoor climbing with a club or friends to use rope skills, learn the ‘soft’ skills, and gain ‘mental training’ to deal with exposure.

► Every 6 months: One peak at your ability level, or one which can be done with other experienced partners.

As mentioned, this would be a minimum. The more you can do, the better. Join appropriate clubs to keep in the loop and have partners and club trips you can go on.

Scrambles

Scrambling may be the limit for many people and that’s OK. Scrambling can get you to some beautiful places and makes for some grand adventures. To understand scrambling, you can have a look at this post which has great information on getting better at scrambling:

How to Improve Your Rock Scrambling Ability. The Ultimate List of Tips to Help Make Scrambling Safe, Fun and Easy

To reinforce the skills and experience learnt, make sure to get out as often as possible. You have 2 options:

► Once a month: Outdoor climbing with a club or friends to learn the ‘soft’ skills of climbing techniques, and gain ‘mental training’ to deal with exposure.

Or

► Once a month: Go on a scramble! You can get better by just doing it! Make sure to research the route and only take on something within your ability and skill level.

This would be a minimum. The more you can do, the better.

Rock Climbing

This might be what you came here for. You want to get on the true vertical terrain! Rock climbing, in all its forms, is incredibly fun and rewarding.

Frightened of heights? I was too! And still am to a degree. I remember the first time I had to abseil. I was nervous, palms sweating with a whirlwind of vertigo spinning in my head. But you what? You can overcome all that with repeated exposure and giving it a go!

So what’s the best way to get into it?

Joining a established club will set the best groundwork, give you lots of climbing partners, and hone your skills safely. Some people may pick up the ‘hard’ skills of climbing rope-work and gear quicker than others. If you are having trouble, don’t hesitate to do a short 1-2 day climbing skills course that covers the ‘hard’ skills of rope-work and gear. You won’t regret it and will feel much more confident!

To reinforce the skills and experience learnt, make sure to get out as often as possible to practice. Ideally, and at the minimum, it might look like this:

► Weekly: Read or further your knowledge by following along with websites or magazines that have good reading material on rock climbing and its techniques.

► 2-4 times a month: Outdoor climbing with a club or friends to use your rope skills, learn the ‘soft’ skills, and gain ‘mental training’ to deal with exposure.

To get better at the soft skills in rock climbing, that is, the ones that actually get you up the rock, start with 3 times a week for 2-3 months to get good, solid skills. Most of this time can be spent in indoor climbing gyms to practice the technique and gain the strength and endurance, but don’t forget to get outdoors and do your rope-work!

KEEP IT GOING

Your journey into the vertical world from the horizontal never stops. It’s always important to keep learning and reinforcing what you've learnt. Too often, people do a course or learn a skill and just… forget it.

They leave it too long before practising again.

Dangerously, this can also lead to a false perception that you think you know a skill, but actually don’t. I have seen this with people having accidents when they hadn’t practised in years and had to re-learn on the fly (which never ends well).

So keep up the practice and put the skills into use whenever you can!

With some instruction, commitment and a sense of adventure, you’ll love the transition from hiking to climbing! Hiking is still a huge part of accessing many climbing areas so you get the best of both worlds.

The vertical adventures await!

Check out this post for some further tips:

Your Guide to Starting Outdoor Adventure Sports-Easily! The Key to Starting Any Activity!

[kbrown78]

Monthly Wrap Up: April

So April has been my lowest month of the year. While some things improved, my reading slump didn't really didn't and it shows. This month I only completed 7 books (but I'll be reviewing 8 in this wrap up), which is by far the lowest amount of the year. The month did not start out well, with a DNF, then a 1 star that I really wanted to DNF. The next 2 books were better, not great but still decent with 3 stars, and the last few books managed to pull off 4 stars. I was able to continue with the PopSugar Reading Challenge, and completed both books I read for the Pick-It-For-Me Challenge, but I didn't manage to do Tome Topple this month, which was disappointing. I think my continued slump, and the reason the ratings were so low this month is because I spent more time away from my preferred reading genre (Adult Fantasy) than I would have liked. The first 3 books of the month were a mix of literary fiction genres, but were all distinctly lacking in any mystical elements. While I thought one of these books was decent, I hated the other 2 and found them incredibly disappointing. The rest of the month transitioned into more fantasy reads (and 1 dystopian) and from there things slowly improved. Next month I'm definitely going to shift things to focus more on the books that I want to read, regardless of the genre.  

Eldest by Christopher Paolini: Technically I finished this one at the end of March, but I forgot about it and didn't want to go through the stress of adding it to my already posted March wrap up, so I just decided to add it in this one. Eldest is probably my least favorite book in the Inheritance Cycle series, and while that remains to be seen, it definitely was a step down from Eragon. In fact I ended up skimming quite a bit of it to ensure I finished it on time (since I was renting it from the library) and didn't take notes, so this review isn't going to be as thorough as it could be. What was probably the biggest cause of the book's slump was one of the 2 new POVs that was introduced, Eragon's cousin Roran. In Eragon Roran  leaves to train as a blacksmith so he can marry is sweet heart and has a close relationship with Eragon. While he's just got the bare bones, and was only in the first quarter of the book, he's still an established character. So why did I dislike his POV? I was so bored with it. It was basically Eragon's story but with a lot less excitement. A young, noble boy fights to save his village and is admired and respected by everyone except the villains. It was just one of those wonder boy, chosen one narratives (which I'm already pretty tired off) and unlike Eragon, who is novice but very powerful and deserves respect, it makes no sense why everyone seems to make Roran the de facto leader. I knew his POV was coming but I didn't realize how much his POV character dominates the narrative. I used to like his POV as kid just because it had a long journey/ escape aspect to it and I used to love those as kid (at this point I think they work better on TV) but this time around it helped emphasis one of the flaws in the series, and that is the fact that long journey's are over quickly. I mean the people of their hometown left at around the half way point and reached their destination before the book was over despite the issues they encounter. Roran's POV contained the most glaringly obvious flaws, but I can't say that it was irrelevant because it was it's own independent narrative, and in the later books it's nice to see Eragon and Roran together as family. Speaking of Eragon, I thought his chapters were okay. Didn't love them, didn't hate them. Ultimately I thought they were pretty forgettable because of how generic they are. He definitely is still this wide eyed wonder boy at the beginning of the book, and then he goes off to do training and ends the story a different person. I still don't like that he's one of those characters that the universe just seems to hand everything too, and most of his time with the elves I found to be simultaneously boring and rushed, but they did show his evolution as a character (sort of). By the end of this book I think he's more aware of who he is, the role he has to play and the power that wields. At the end he has a startling revelation about his lineage and his relationship with another characters. It was a twist that I think both made sense but was genuinely surprising (although not the second time reading it). I have yet to see if this is something that Eragon will brood over, which I really hope he doesn't because I think that will drag his character further down into that of a generic fantasy hero. The one thing I do remember of his chapters because it surprised me was his romance with Arya. When I first read the series as a kid, I totally shipped them. Now I don't ship them, at all. Arya and others repeatedly make it clear to Eragon that their romance would never work, including the fact that she is grieving the loss of her previous lover. In this book I thought there was so little chemistry between that I honestly don't understand Eragon's romantic feelings toward Arya. This might change in the later books, but this was something I just wanted to briefly mention. The other new POV was actually my favorite part of the story, but it was only 2 f**king chapters, out of 60 . The third POV follows Nausuda, the new leader of the rebel group the Varden after her father's death at the beginning of this book. She was briefly introduced near the end of Eragon, and while I liked her I was worried she was just going to become a Eowyn type character. That, fortunately, did not happen. She demonstrates herself as a capable leader, and a threat to her enemies. Despite her young age, she is well aware of the political machinations and is able to maneuver things well. She can come off as harsh at times, but it's because she grasps the severity of their situation and doesn't have time for any nonsense. Most of the people she is closest with or relies on the most are women, which I love because it means she respects and values a persons abilities, regardless of gender. My favorite scene in the entire book is where she asks the head warlock (who is woman and whose name I am forgetting) to make lace because it's easier and quicker to make by magic than hand, and can be sold for a profit that will help support the war effort. This shows Nasuada's ability to take a situation, however minor it is, and make it work to her advantage in a way that makes sense and can be applied to real world tactics. If the entire series had been filled with moments like this, than it would have worked much better for an adult audience. As a whole there were bits and pieces that I thought were good and helped propel the story forward, but there were a ton of generic fantasy elements and filler narratives which really dragged the story down. Eldest received 2 out 5 stars.  

The White Princess by Philipa Gregory: I've been wanting to dip my toes into more historical fiction, especially ones that aren't set during WW II because there are so many of those (not that I'm unopposed to them) and Philipa Gregory's novel's seemed like a good place to start. I was initially going to read the White Queen but I happened to find this one at a book sale, and thought it would work out fine. What I really want in a historical fiction is you take familiar historical figures or events and make them come to life, you make them personal, and it's probably difficult to find an author that does just that. This book is set during the Late Middle Ages (a period of history that has always fascinated me) at the conclusion of the War of Roses with the marriage of Elizabeth of York and Henry VII, which I believe was the inspiration for Game of Thrones, and featured an introduction discussing women of that time period and how even though they are constantly being put in the corners of history, they certainly weren't doing nothing and could even be quite powerful in their own right. Basically this book had a very promising premise and during the first few chapters it seemed like it was going in a good direction. Unfortunately that quickly came to a halt. Elizabeth was an insufferable protagonist. She had zero agency whatsoever, kept being pushed from one bad situation to another had did little or nothing to change that, was blissfully ignorant about everything around her, and served as nothing more than a mouth piece for the narrative and a baby making machine for the king. To put it simply, she was early Sansa Stark who wasn't even being subjected to a psychopathic despot (at least that wasn't how the narrative was portraying Henry, though he did have other issues which I will get to in a minute). She was the exact opposite of the protagonist that I expected for this book, and it was very disappointing. In fact there are only 2 women that seemed to hold any sort of power, Elizabeth's mother Elizabeth Woodville and Henry's mother Margret Beaufort. Elizabeth Woodville has both power and experience at playing the game, but we don't get to see much of that because she's sent away about a third of the way into the story and Elizabeth of York remains ignorant of all her mother's doings. Margret Beaufort, on the other hand, wields a considerable amount of power because she is the only one the king trusts, but she's clearly being portrayed in a villainous light. She does everything possible to undermine Elizabeth and her family, exercises absolute authority without anything keeping her in check and does this to accomplish some awfully petty and mean tasks, and on top of that is a zealot. There is fine line between being devoted to one's faith and being a zealot, and since Margret again uses her power to get in with the Catholic Church, uses her faith as the justification for most of the things she does to Elizabeth, and brings about how the outcome was “God's will” in every other conversation she has, I think she's leaning more on the zealot side of things, and one of the fastest ways to make me hate a character is to make them an obnoxious zealot. I think Margret could at least have been put in a sympathetic light because she does know how costly the game is and wants her son to be safe in a dangerous and constantly shifting environment, but we never get this. So the female character that clearly has the most influence and power is the one that the readers are designed to like the least. This seems to go directly against everything that the introduction set out, and it's not just disappointing, it's a bit infuriating. The other major black stain on this book was the romance, and just like the female empowering narrative, was something that had potential in the beginning and was shattered upon Elizabeth and Henry's first meeting. I don't mind arranged marriages, in fact they are something I like to see if done well, and this was not done well. First there's Henry ignoring Elizabeth, like keeping her family sequestered in one area until after he's coronated. While not a promising start it was a reasonable political move and is something the relationship could still recover from. Then they final meet, I believe around Christmas, and the very first thing Henry does to Elizabeth is have her dance for him so she can feel like a slut, then proceeds to rape her when they are alone together. Gregory has now created a relationship I absolutely cannot get behind. After that he insults and degrades Elizabeth, is very blase about the rape (like he's entitled to it and even says when they are married it's not rape), doesn't try to form an emotional relationship with her and is constantly accusing her of conspiring against him (despite her crippling ineptitude), and even makes it clear he would have raped her sister if she hadn't proven fertile. This doesn't just make the “romance” awful, but it also makes Henry a pretty awful character. Plus the fact that he has a rather unsettling relationship with his mother, who again, constantly works to undermine Elizabeth's family. The fact that the only happy and tender moments between the couple that I can remember occur after Elizabeth has given Henry the son that he wants, makes those moments just feel cheap and unsatisfying. Ultimately I didn't see the characters improving, I didn't the relationships improving, and if I wanted to know how the rest of the story goes I could just do basic history search (and probably get more details on the events of the time). I ended up DNFing this book and needless to say I gave it 1 out 5 stars and was my pick for the PopSugar prompt “based on a true story.”  

The Guest Book by Sarah Blake: I received an ARC of this book from Macmillian Publishers back in February, completely out of the blue. I had never heard of this book or author before, and it's not the kind of book I would consider reaching for unless there was a ton of hype around it (like The 7 Husbands of Evelyen Hugo), but because it was my first ARC I felt compelled to read it. Almost immediately, I had issues with this book. The writing of the book was a strange hybrid between dry, precise writing and the flowery purple prose, and it just didn't work. The other big issue I had with the writing itself was that the time lines and character POVs were all over the place. During almost the entire first half of the book, so for around 200 pages, I could not grasp what decade it was unless explicitly stated. The POVs weren't much better. The story was written in third person, but this didn't actually help me with identifying who was who because the POV would jump around so much, even within a chapter, that it took me awhile to finally identify who was who. This may due to the fact that there wasn't anything distinguishing about any of the characters, they could have literally been the same person with different names. This did change, but that didn't reflect well on the characters. One of the first scenes were I felt any sense of identity came from Kitty, in the first generation time line, and it made me hate her pretty quickly. I was already inclined to dislike the Milton family because they were privileged snobs, but again I didn't really get any sense of character. There was nothing specific about them that I liked or disliked. That all changed in the scene with Kitty at the Island, where I think she rejects taking in a woman and her son specifically because the woman is Jewish, and the rest of the group present constantly shut down this woman's conversation because her valid points about Hitler's rise to power made them feel a little morally uncomfortable. This was the scene that really defined who the Miltons are, and the thing is they never really improve even in later generations. Evie, one of Kitty's grand daughters, is struggling to ensure that they keep the Island. She tries to project herself as this progressive woman yet works to hold onto the very symbol of her family's corrupt and racist history. It makes her come off as a hypocrite in the worst way. I also had issues with the minority characters (mostly how they felt like token characters that served the purpose of redeeming the racists) but honestly I wouldn't be able to do a good job of discussing them because of the last major issue I had with this book, and that's the overall story itself. So this is definitely a “slice of life” narrative and while I don't generally gravitate toward those, I have found ones that I enjoy. In order to do this well I think you still need good characters and a complex plot with a clear conflict, even if it's just a personal one. For this book nothing works. The characters are bad on multiple levels, and I don't want to see racists who are vehemently denying their racism and issues be redeemed, and there wasn't any real conflict except for the family trying to keep their Island house. What plot I could identify was boring but most of the time, I couldn't tell what was happening. This is the main reason why I couldn't really review this book in detail. Ultimately nothing worked in this book, not the characters, not the story, not the writing. This wasn't a book I expected to love but I at least thought it would be decent and go somewhere, and it still failed at that. The Guest Book received 1 out of 5 stars from me, and if you want more articulate reviews them I do recommend looking at the Goodreads reviews.  

Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia: I guess I've lately been reading books that are outside of my typical SFF genre. As my reviews of the previous 2 books indicated I have not been having a good time exploring other genres. Fortunately this was an improvement, but I still didn't love it. The biggest struggle I had with the book was my inability to connect with the main character Eliza, and I blame that more on my personal issues than the book itself, and here's why. Eliza lives something of a double life online, where she is the creator of the popular web comic, while in reality she's a quiet nobody who struggles with daily interactions. Her 2 worlds start to collide when she meets new kid Wallace, who happens to be one of the most popular fanfiction writers for her comic series. The two slowly start to form a relationship and Eliza starts becoming more active in the real world, while starting to struggle with her online personality. Above all this entire story felt like a love letter to fandoms and online culture. Talking about online friendships, trolls, fandoms, creative pressure and escape. I really, really liked the story that was told, and Eliza is the kind of character that I think many young adults can relate to. I liked reading about Eliza's various relationships, from her online friends, to her family, and romance. Each one brought out a different aspect of her and each one had their own set of issues. So why didn't a get a higher rating. Well like I stated earlier I still I was never fully invested in Eliza, despite liking the book objectively for the narrative it tells. I think it's because outside of her being “average” in real life and a famous creator online, I never got much of a sense of who she is. It also took a little while for me to get into the book, and I don't feel that the rest of the book was good enough to fully recover from that slow start. The other thing has to do with Eliza and Wallace's romance. It started out really cute, but I don't like how things ended with them. They had their struggle's, which I thought was good because I wanted to watch them overcome their issues. Once they did encounter a problem though, things went downhill pretty quickly. Their dynamic got worse until it exploded and then quickly remedied itself and is never addressed again. I didn't like how often it's implied that things are fixed and getting better but we're not really shown any of it. I wish I could have liked this book more than I did because I think it's a good story that works well with a modern audience, but I just couldn't get fully attached to the characters and the conclusion left something to be desired. Eliza and Her Monsters received 3 out 5 stars and was my pick for the PopSugar prompt “book about a hobby.”    

Kiss of Deception by Mary E. Pearson: Oh man. I picked this book up because I was in the mood to read a lighter fantasy, and I wanted to get around to reading the rest of the series. I had hoped that my opinions of the book would change from the last time I read it, but my reactions and opinions were all exactly the same. The best thing that probably came out of the reread was now I can discuss more precisely what exactly it was that I didn't like about the book (which is one of the reasons I reread books). First there's the pacing and the plot, or I should say lack of. The book immediately kicks off with Lia running away from her arranged marriage on the day of her wedding, so we're immediately thrown into the action. I usually don't like that, but the book remedied that problem by using the first few pages to show Lia's feelings on the wedding and how others in the court regard her, including her own father. So when she runs away, we sympathize with her and want her to succeed. Then the book shows her and her loyal hand maid arriving in the city of Terravain where they intend to live the rest of their lives working at an inn. This time delay and again was used well because it showed Lia's determination and adjustment to her new life. The book also splits POV's between the prince she was supposed to marry, and an assassin who was sent to kill her. Since this is my second read through, I already knew who was who, so the suspense of those scenes was gone, and I started to view them as unnecessary to the plot. A few chapters after the prince and assassin arrive, is when I started to have problems. The book really does nothing, there's no romantic, political, or personal drama. It's just a bunch of filler until Lia decides to go back which leads to her being kidnapped, and that's well after the half way point. After that things do pick up a bit and the book starts to resemble the beginning narrative, but it's a case of too little, too late. By the time we got to Lia's cross country journey (which I've made clear I struggle with those story lines) I just wanted the book to be over and while I could identify interesting, relevant or even emotional points, I found myself not caring. For example when Lia finds her brother killed in a battle near the end of her journey, she buries him and his entire platoon with her bare hands because she refuses to leave him for the animals. It's clear that this is supposed to be emotional scene but it doesn't work for 2 reasons. One, like I already stated I just wanted the book to be over and didn't care but that's a personal reason. Two, we only saw this brother in 2 short scenes through the entire book, and during Lia's entire time in Terravain, there are no moments when she's fondly thinking of her brother. So the readers aren't emotional attached to this guy, and even Lia doesn't seem to come across as emotionally attached to her brother, so the burial scene fails to make the impact that it was trying to. My other big issue with this book was the female characters. I have mixed opinions on the female characters in the book. On the one hand, it's great to see multiple female characters with different personalities that Lia gets along well with. Even Lia herself seems like a decent protagonist, she's rebellious but matures, and she has that underlying intelligence and determination (which is actively demonstrated in the book). On the other hand none of the female characters, besides Berti, really has a personal conflict that doesn't involve a male. Lia running away from her arranged marriage and not going back because she doesn't want to marry the prince. In fact whenever she talks about her past with the other characters, it always has to do with the marriage and how it makes her feel like a set piece and she's determined to hate the prince she's never met. Gwenyth and Pauline are both women with children but no husbands, and Pauline spends the majority of her screen time gushing about her beloved, then spends a decent chunk of time mourning his “death.” It undermines the independent female narrative when it always comes back to the men. Even the conversations among the women does this, where almost all, if not all, are on the subject of the males in their lives, be it family or love interest. I'm not even sure if this would pass the Bechtel test, and that really bugs me, because the narrative really tries to present Lia as this strong independent woman. Surprisingly I didn't really have any issues with the romantic plot, in fact I think I would have liked to see more of it. Originally I thought that the love triangle was pretty good because I could see Lia falling for Rafe or Kaden. During this reread though, it's apparent that Lia prefers Rafe because he's the one she's always thinking of and wants to spend time with (which is fine, he's the one I prefer). There is still a good chance for a love triangle to arise due to the reveal of which boy is the prince and which one is the assassin, which completely changes Lia's dynamic with the 2 boys, so it will be interesting to see how the romance is played out in the next book. Ultimately there were things that I liked about this book, there were things I didn't. There's a lot in this world that I think was underdeveloped (like the world, conflict, and even characters) but there is clearly a lot of potential for the series, because this first book gives you that feeling that it's building up to something. I have heard that the series improves, so I am hopeful that I will like the next book better than this one. Kiss of Deception received 3 out 5 stars.  

      Princess Academy by Shannon Hale: This is a reread that I have been putting off for awhile. Why? Because I was worried that it wasn't going to be as good as I remember it being. The last time I read it was probably in elementary school, and based on the fact that there has only been one reread I liked, let alone loved, from all my junior high rereads I had some legitimate concerns. Princess Academy ended up being a delightfully cute reread, that I overall enjoyed. With the last 2 books, I knew I wasn't really enjoying them because I got to a point where I just wanted the story to be done and rushed to the ending. I didn't have that feeling with Princess Academy, and it probably helped since the book itself was fairly short. Since it's a book geared for more children than teenagers, it does keep things fairly simple and quick, yet still managed to convey a good story with a positive message. The story's about Miri, a 14 year old from a village in the mountains who, along with other girls from the village, must now attend the titular academy because the prince will choose his wife from this group of mountain girls. Miri at the start is a delicate and sheltered girl who lacks confidence and sees herself as a burden because she's not allowed to mine the mountain, and by the end she is confident in who she is and what she wants. Of all the books I've read I honestly think she has one of the better character arcs. I liked how organic and straight forward it was, and that education played a huge role, and her determination and love of learning become core traits. With her growth in confidence also comes friends. In the beginning she's basically an outcast, which drives her to fill the void with books, and then she slowly makes more friends due to a mix of her new confidence and selflessness. The book has a few plot driven moments, like entering the Academy, the ball, and the bandits, and I think these moments were well spaced out and appropriately added in at the right moment so that things are moving forward at an appropriate pace. The romance is cute and light hearted, with 2 good people who were childhood friends being sweet on each other. It's not a romance that tugs at my heart, but it's the kind of romance I love seeing and wish I could see more of. The world building was kept fairly simple (it is a children's book) but it still felt plausible and had a distinct identity with the quarry. There were only 2 things that I did dislike, the “magic” and the teacher, Olanna. So the magic in this book is called quarry speech, and what it does is allow people to communicate through the linder stone itself (the stone in Mt. Eskel). What I didn't like was how subjective it was, but it really is a minor aspect that connects to some bigger themes of the book very well. It's an important part of the identity of the people of Mount Eskel, and helps Miri connect to the other girls and grow in confidence. So while I don't love the quarry speech itself, I like what it does for the characters. Olanna on the other hand was something that had no redeemable qualities. In the beginning she acts as more of an antagonist than a tutor. Not only was she very snobby, constantly talking down to the girls and trying to belittle them, she was also flat out abusive to them. Hitting them, locking them in a closet, and wouldn't allow them to go home to their families. Olanna also acted as a hindrance for Miri gaining any friends because she would collectively punish the group for something Miri did, essentially putting a target on Miri's back. I really like good student/ teacher relationships (not romance) and those are hard to find, so it's disappointing that Olanna is the exact opposite of the supportive teacher that I wanted, but that isn't her worst offense. She only changes because the girls force her to change ways, and ultimately sees no consequences for her horrible behavior, which really grated my nerves. Putting adults like this in positions of power, and letting them go free after they've proven what an ass they are is something I put under the category of “yes, it happens in real life, but I hate seeing it in fiction.” I enjoyed this book more than I thought I would, since it is geared toward a young audience, and ended up giving it 4 out 5 stars.    

The Fifth Season by N. K Jemisin: I finally, finally got around to reading this. This was my other Pick-It-For-Me Challenge (the first being Eliza and Her Monsters) and I was a little worried about because everyone (and I mean everyone) that reads it loves it, and it's an award winning series. I also tried reading a bind up of Jemisin first work, The Dreamblood Duology, and I put it down after a couple of chapters (I might pick it back up). While I do think this book was as amazing and unique as everyone says it is, and it worthy of the praise it receives, I think the bar was set just a little too high for it. As more time passes I'm beginning to realize that while I don't love this book. It's good but not great. It's unique, it's heart wrenching, it's contains relevant themes, but I personally didn't get super attached to this book, and there are some opportunities that I think the book missed out on. I noticed that one of the best elements of this book and probably the driving force for the narrative are the themes. Books that are theme driven do generally leave a good impression on me and have a good impact, but I don't fine myself loving them as much as could because I think they kind of lack a personality (the exception to this is In An Absent Dream whose themes and the way it presented them happened to really strike a cord with me). The major themes in The Fifth Season are oppression and motherhood, as well as humans being tied to the earth. All important topics and I do think this first book handled well, for the most part, but it's that “most part” bit that drives the book down a smidge. I wanted more of Damaya's POV because I wanted to see more of how a child deal's with oppression and how it shapes them (also school setting). I wanted to see more growth in Essun and Hoa's relationship since he starts out as this strange surrogate child who follows her after she's lost her son and is searching for her daughter. These things might be further developed in the later books but I just don't know. There a few other things that I wish were done differently, but since they contain spoilers I'm not going to go into it here. The strange thing is I think this book was so hyped up I expected it to be a perfect book rather than just a good book. I still really liked this book but it also disappointed me to an extent. The Fifth Season received 4 out 5 stars and was my pick for the PopSugar prompt “own voices book.”  

The Handmaid's Tale by Margret Atwood: It's a little surprising that I enjoyed this one as much as I did. I fully expected it to be a very depressing read that I just wanted to quit and get rid, so I thought I would be putting this off for awhile. Instead something compelled me to pick this book up and I ended up reading it much sooner than I expected. While there were definitely some uncomfortable scenes, I think this book did a fantastic job at conveying the message that it did, and this was a book I wanted to continue reading despite my initial hesitancy. For those who don't know what this book is about, it follows Offred, a Handmaid (whose entire purpose is to produce a healthy child) as she tries to survive her daily live in the oppressive new American regime. There isn't much plot, since the whole story serves as a cautionary tale. The characters in this book aren't much either, they really don't have much depth to them, however they don't need it. They mainly serve as set pieces, including the narrator, to illustrate the world around them and all the injustices now present. In fact the narrator, Offred, distinctly comes off as a passive set piece, not just because of her current oppressive circumstance but even in flashbacks, she basically reacts to others around her. While this doesn't always make her a likeable character, it works here because she really is trapped and has essentially no options, she has to go with the flow in order to survive. It's a very introspective novel and there is something about Atwood's writing that makes the story work, despite the lack of elements I usually enjoy in a story. The downside I would say about that is it's easier to forget specifics and just remember the feelings you had at certain moments throughout the story, and I struggle to write about something when I'm just going based off of feelings. It's why I don't have much say in this wrap up. I think it's one of those books where you have to read it for yourself to see what all the hype is and honestly if a book like this can last in the mainstream media for as long as it has then that that says something about both the book and the environment it's in. It's a testament to both Atwood's writing and the current socio-political environment that this book still appeals to a modern audience. My rating of The Handmaid's Tale managed to stay same, leaving it at a solid 4 out of 5 stars.

Thank You Everyone

Keep Calm and Keep Reading

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Vexgen Keto Reviews *Read Before Buy* Side Effects and Price!

Vexgen Keto - Are you disappointed because you think there is no solution to lose weight? Well, forget disappointment and forget the shyness you face, but it's time to face the challenge of lowering your body weight. There are many people who have achieved it and you can also make your success story in weight loss. I will tell you about one of the best ketogenic weight loss supplements that will make you shrink. Vexgen Keto is a really useful formula that will help you in this regard and will soon publish your success history in weight loss. Vexgen Keto- The trendiest weight loss supplement? Vexgen Keto is an amazing complementary ketone weight loss and is thought to work to burn extra fat from your body. There are many users of this product and everyone is happy not only for the reason there is a shortage, but why they provided them with a variety of health benefits. Not only will this product reduce your weight, but it will also improve your quality of life and make you physically fit. Vexgen Keto is an effective weight loss formula that can help your body to be in a state of ketosis. This condition has proved to be very important for targeting excess fat. In fact, your body has no idea what to do with excess fat and that's why these excess fats stay in your body for a long time to give your body an idea to use. How Your Body Can Use These Fat! Well, those used to produce energy can be done in the case of ketosis very easily. Experts have approved Vexgen Keto ingredients You will be literally happy because this product has been recommended by doctors and approved by them. There are many health experts who have joined their superiors to find the best solutions to obesity. They investigated the medical products but did not conclude that the products were 100% safe. The researchers studied some natural dietary supplements for weight loss and finally came to know the Vexgen Keto. Experts approve this product because it contains natural ingredients, for example, hydroxy citric acid, apple cider vinegar, lemon extract, BHB, and antioxidants. Seriously, there is a perfect combination of all these ingredients in this ketone weight loss formula and you will get good health with slim.

Why users are so happy? All Vexgen Keto users are extremely literally happy, which is why they have incredible health benefits. Do you want to know what benefits they enjoy? Do you want to know what benefits you can expect from him? Well, they basically have the following benefits: Vexgen Keto is a formula for weight loss, of course, will reduce body weight. If you have extra fat in your body, you should not wait longer and you should start using this ketone product. You will feel a significant change in your energy level and you will feel that you will get energy. Essentially, this product is good for improving metabolism, and ultimately, it will increase your stimulation and energy level. This supplement is also of great importance for improving your cognitive health along with mental alertness. You should use it to improve the functionality of the stomach because it has done a huge job for users. Users are also happy to suppress their appetites in a very natural way. Try Vexgen Keto, not in some conditions You can use this product because it is normal, but there are some conditions that you should not use it. You have to go to those conditions very carefully. Read below: Vexgen Keto is not effective during pregnancy and in this case, this product is not proposed at all. Using this supplement during pregnancy can lead to some problems not only for you but for your child. You should use it before eating. If you have any disease, consult your doctor instead of using this formula. Not recommended for teenagers or children, but only adults can use it. Instructions of the manufacturer of Vexgen Keto: You must follow the manufacturer's instructions where they are provided for your safety and provide you with the best results. These are the following instructions given by: Use it with a glass of fresh water. You should use it 30 minutes before eating meals. The time period is sufficient to implement this product. It is necessary to overcome or even eliminate the use of carbohydrates in meals. Basically, carbohydrates cause a drawback in the case of ketosis and are affected by the final weight loss process. You also need to do some exercise regularly, because that will increase your energy and you should use this energy to relax your body. Is Vexgen Keto 100% natural? When it comes to health supplements, there is no doubt that there is a wide range of products. However, we can classify these supplements in three different ways. There are some hundred percent chemical products. The second category of products contains chemicals but also contains some natural ingredients. There is another category of 100% natural products. You will think that in any class, cast Vexgen Keto! It is 100% chemically based! It is based on chemicals but also contains some natural ingredients! It's 100% natural! Well, let me explain that this ingredient is 100% natural and does not contain chemicals. So, use it and good health in several ways! You do not need to use chemical products but you can use this natural formula. Explore the buying procedure: Now it's time to learn more about making a Vexgen Keto purchase. You can order this wonderful combination of weight loss online and you do not have to go to the market order to pass the time. Not only are instructions and information about this product provided, but customer support is also provided on the company's official website. There, you can register to receive the latest updates on this 1 and discounts. You can apply not only for one package but you can buy all the pieces you want. The advantage of ordering more than one package is that you can enjoy incredible discounts. The company offers greater discounts to customers who play larger orders. So the terms and conditions are very important to follow because they will explain everything. You can learn about the return policy and many other important things.

What about the Dosage? It is important to know the dosage when you consume Vexgen Keto. At the beginning, it is advisable to take the pill twice a day at a rate of 300 milligrams. Always be aware of the amount of dosage you consume because more than necessary, will cause unwanted side effects. Exotic consumption should be maintained for one month each time until full results are obtained. When is it Safe & Unsafe to Use Vexgen Keto? Any lover of fat reduction over the age of eighteen and without serious health problems can use the Vexgen Keto natural weight loss supplement. It is suitable for men and women where the dosage remains the same. Consult a doctor or doctor if you have health problems like heart, kidney, liver or other problems. Women who are breastfeeding or waiting, should not consume the pill without prior professional consultation. How Long to See the Visible Results? The results of the use of Vexgen Keto can be seen in the minimum fifteen days period. However, it is important to be patient with all the effects because different types of body, gender and age contribute to the result. In addition to eating, a good diet, regular short exercises and water consumption can speed up the process. Any Need to Worry About the Side Effects? Vexgen Keto is a natural product that guarantees 100% fruit extract called Garcinia Combogia. Therefore, the regular and orderly consumption of this pill does not cause any side effects. Therefore, it is safe to conclude that the use of this highly requested weight loss supplement is absolutely the right way to lose weight. So, do not think anymore and order your bag now and start with the weight loss business. Next, you want to be gorgeous in these daring and revealing clothes as soon as possible, are not you? Where to buy Vexgen Keto? Vexgen Keto weight loss pill can be purchased online from its official website. Remember not to purchase the product from another source as it may not be genuine. The ordering process is quite simple, even if you are the first online buyer. Just fill in all the details and the product will arrive at your place in time. Try the pill for a month for a free trial to see how your body adapts to the changes and functions of the pill is a good way to start the journey to a healthy, positive and natural fat cutting process. Read the full article

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Top 10 Things to Consider About Toxic Masculinity

Abby Vitello

Core Comp II

March 12th, 2019

Top Ten Things to Consider About Toxic Masculinity

Toxic Masculinity has almost become a household phrase of Americans and people all around the globe. According to popular culture, boys & men are held to a standard of what emotions are allowed to be shown and how the dominance that is expected in men is becoming more and more toxic.  In almost every house in America, boys from a young age are told what to do and not to do in the ways that they carry themselves. While there are many different perspectives of how masculinity is affecting this generation. Here are 10 articles that touch on the different perspectives of what toxic masculinity is and how the world is affected by the controversy of the emerging ideas of feminism and masculinity.

Popular Sources

1.Salter, Michael. “The Problem With a Fight Against Toxic Masculinity” The Atlantic. February 27th, 2019. Accessed March 5th, 2019 https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/02/toxic-masculinity-history/583411/

Michael Salter from The Atlantic discusses when masculinity becomes a problem. Salter begins to touch on the history of the term Toxic Masculinity, the misconceptions about this term and how it ultimately affects the way men and women interact with each other in society.  In today’s world, the way toxic masculinity is viewed as an epidemic of abusive behaviors that continually cause turmoil between men and women. He explains the dangers of the sexist attitudes that both genders are subject to because of masculinity. Salter’s article offers insight to the growing opinions that society from a male’s perspective.

2. Beer, Jeff. "Forget Gillette: This Emotional New PSA Shows a Journey of Toxic Masculinity." Fast Company. February 27, 2019. Accessed March 05, 2019. https://www.fastcompany.com/90312483/forget-gillette-this-emotional-new-psa-shows-a-journey-of-toxic-masculinity

This advertisement shows a young boy turning into a teenager dealing with domestic abuse at home, shyness, and anxiety and then him turning into a teenager with long life issues. “Boys will be boys. Or they can be so much more” is the ending remarks of this ad, which tugs at the viewers emotions. In this ad, the company is showing the opposite of what the Gillette ad was trying to portray. Although this ad did not receive the same amount of publicity as the Gillette ad did, it does dig deeper into the roots of the role toxic masculinity plays gender violence, stereotypes, and how it can be avoided from an early age. The problems with toxic masculinity are not just exemplified through men but through women and the way they are treated. Beer’s creation of this PSA creates a deeper message of the true problems that arise from society’s realization that toxic masculinity can be avoided with little alterations from a young age.

3. Hamblin, James. "Toxic Masculinity and Murder." The Atlantic. October 11, 2016. Accessed March 05, 2019.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/06/toxic-masculini1ty-and-mass-murder/486983/

In this article, The Atlantic explains the Orlando killer’s suffering from toxic masculinity which had led him in the past to have pent up aggression against LGBT and events involving that crowd of people. The type of Toxic Masculinity presented by him was going into the club and getting drunk only to express his hatred toward the people in the club in a violent way. Not only does this article touch on a specific person affected by toxic masculinity, it compares it to the very serious subject of murder. When putting the two in one article, the readers can see how toxic masculinity is the root of the harsh problems society is going through in current events.

4. "Barth, Diane F. Opinion | Toxic Masculinity Is Terrible Shorthand for a Real Problem Plaguing Men." NBCNews.com. Accessed March 05, 2019.

https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/toxic-masculinity-terrible-shorthand-real-problem-plaguing-men-ncna957941

This opinion piece published by NBC News focuses on the emotional problems and how to learn to fix them, not internalize them. By keeping these problems inside, the anger of being classified within the toxic masculinity type fuels the anger of these outbreaks from men. Many men are fearful of seeking out help when faced with the idea that they are acting in a “feminine” or an “emotional” manner. Barth, a psychotherapist, explains the reasons why men and women struggling with their self-being should not be afraid to talk to someone about their problems of the feelings. Barth offers a different perspective than most popular cultures sources with her

5. "Opinion | What Growing up in America Taught Me about Masculinity." NBCNews.com. Accessed March 05, 2019.

https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/boys-are-internalizing-toxic-masculinity-habits-way-too-early-ncna814316?icid=related

John Legend goes in depth of what he believes caused him to be the man he is today but other young boys take the criticism they are hearing. Instead of embracing the criticism like he did, the young boys of today think need to be angry about it. Legend, being so well known in today’s culture, is a o

Academic Sources

6. Hess, Aaron, and Carlos Flores. "Simply More than Swiping Left: A Critical Analysis of Toxic Masculine Performances on Tinder Nightmares."

https://journals-sagepub-com.aurarialibrary.idm.oclc.org/doi/pdf/10.1177/1461444816681540

In this article, Aaron Hess & Carlos Flores take a look into the online dating site, Tinder and its counterpart, Tinder Nightmares. The supposedly private conversation between the men and women who use this mobile dating site is then publicized. By doing so, toxic masculinity is then exposed to the world. This article breaks down the different types of men that are encountered and how this causes men to reply to the toxic masculinity.

7. Jenney, Angelique, and Deinera Exner-Cortens. "Toxic Masculinity and Mental Health in Young Women."

https://journals-sagepub-com.aurarialibrary.idm.oclc.org/doi/10.1177/0886109918762492

While the popular TV series, 13 Reasons Why mainly focuses on the suicide aspect, Jenney and Exner-Cortens go in depth about the toxic masculinity, gender violence, and female expression. In addition to those reasons, they also touch on why bringing the ideas that are absent throughout the show to encourage the youth to understand. Ultimately, Hannah Baker, the girl who commits suicide, was pushed to do so because of the toxic masculinity she was exposed to in everyday life. Not only was Baker exposed to the harsh reality of toxic masculinity, but Clay is often subject to being the victim. In the show, he was threatened in order to keep him silent. The “gang” who did the threatening created the theme of toxic masculinity throughout the whole show. Since this show was such a popular topic among teenagers, it presents the ideas to a young crowd, causing the toxic traits to spread.

8. Jenney, Angelique, and Deinera Exner-Cortens. "Toxic Masculinity and Mental Health in Young Women."

https://onlinelibrary-wiley-com.aurarialibrary.idm.oclc.org/doi/abs/10.1002/jclp.20105

The prisoner populations are one of most understudied and difficult groups to unfold the gender issues within. In this writing, the many obstacles of why toxic masculinity becomes such an issue among prisoners. This is due to the lack of resources, growing prisons, and stereotypes of what a “real man” is.

9. Iwamoto, Derek K., Jennifer Brady, Ayalin Kaya, and Athena Park. "Masculinity and Depression: A Longitudinal Investigation of Multidimensional Masculine Norms Among College Men."

https://journals-sagepub-com.aurarialibrary.idm.oclc.org/doi/full/10.1177/1557988318785549?utm_source=summon&utm_medium=discovery-provider

This study exhibits the pressure men feel while going from their last year of highschool to their first year in college. Looking at the role of masculinity and the way it can negatively affect the men’s mental stability. The data provided shows the correlation between depression and the norms that are adapted by males in society. This description of the data explains that most boys entering college experience changes such as moving away from home for the first time, which can cause the situation to be more stressful. With more stress, any adversity the men affected by this will then have a tendency to project their feelings in a toxic way onto others.

10. Elliott, Kathleen. "Challenging Toxic Masculinity in Schools and Society."

https://www-emeraldinsight-com.aurarialibrary.idm.oclc.org/doi/full/10.1108/OTH-11-2017-0088

This paper discusses where the toxic masculinity tends to appear, how to disrupt the learning of toxic masculinity and the way resisting it can affect the genders of society in the future. Toxic masculinity is seen in businesses, schools and throughout athletics. Although masculinity can play a positive role in growth of young men, it can also cause more problems that lead to more developmental issues in men. This article suggests ways that toxic masculinity in school and everyday life can be fixed in a way that doesn’t put the blame on just one of the genders.

      In all of these sources, the common theme is how the way society views toxic masculinity whether it be from  social media, mainstream television, or educational sources. Although masculinity is not always a bad perspective for young men to learn off of, it can cause issues when presented by belittling women in society and causes violence among children and adults.

Overall, society believes toxic masculinity should be taught to diminish at an early age to prevent any other disturbances throughout their lives.

Citations:

Salter, Michael. "The Problem With a Fight Against Toxic Masculinity." The Atlantic. February 27, 2019. Accessed March 05, 2019. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/02/toxic-masculinity-history/583411/.

Beer, Jeff. "Forget Gillette: This Emotional New PSA Shows a Journey of Toxic Masculinity." Fast Company. February 27, 2019. Accessed March 05, 2019. https://www.fastcompany.com/90312483/forget-gillette-this-emotional-new-psa-shows-a-journey-of-toxic-masculinity.

Hamblin, James. "Toxic Masculinity and Murder." The Atlantic. October 11, 2016. Accessed March 05, 2019. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/06/toxic-masculini1ty-and-mass-murder/486983/.

"Opinion | Toxic Masculinity Is Terrible Shorthand for a Real Problem Plaguing Men." NBCNews.com. Accessed March 05, 2019. https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/toxic-masculinity-terrible-shorthand-real-problem-plaguing-men-ncna957941.

"Opinion | What Growing up in America Taught Me about Masculinity." NBCNews.com. Accessed March 05, 2019. https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/boys-are-internalizing-toxic-masculinity-habits-way-too-early-ncna814316?icid=related.

Hess, Aaron, and Carlos Flores. "Simply More than Swiping Left: A Critical Analysis of Toxic Masculine Performances on Tinder Nightmares." New Media & Society 20, no. 3 (2016): 1085-102. Accessed March 5, 2019. doi:10.1177/1461444816681540.

Jenney, Angelique, and Deinera Exner-Cortens. "Toxic Masculinity and Mental Health in Young Women." Affilia 33, no. 3 (2018): 410-17. Accessed March 5, 2019. doi:10.1177/0886109918762492.

Kupers, Terry A. "Toxic Masculinity as a Barrier to Mental Health Treatment in Prison." Journal of Clinical Psychology 61, no. 6 (2005): 713-24. Accessed March 5, 2019. doi:10.1002/jclp.20105.

Iwamoto, Derek K., Jennifer Brady, Ayalin Kaya, and Athena Park. "Masculinity and Depression: A Longitudinal Investigation of Multidimensional Masculine Norms Among College Men." 12, no. 6 (July 4, 2018): 1873-881. Accessed March 5, 2019. https://journals-sagepub-com.aurarialibrary.idm.oclc.org/doi/full/10.1177/1557988318785549?utm_source=summon&utm_medium=discovery-provider.

Elliott, Kathleen. "Challenging Toxic Masculinity in Schools and Society." On the Horizon26, no. 1 (2018): 17-22. Accessed March 5, 2019. doi:10.1108/oth-11-2017-0088.

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Xiah: A Character Bio

Name: Xiah Asterion

Appears in: Lacuna, Sky Children, Whispering Gods, Soliloquy of Seasons, La Vie en Bleu, Beasts in the Stars, Wild Earth

Character Summary:

Star Sign: Sagittarius

Personality Type: ENTP, -A/-T

Physical description: Xiah has the soft features of the Ezri, an alien race that landed on Earth before he was born. Many find him beautiful and captivating with strange non-human features, one of which are his black eyes and the way they catch unsuspecting people in their depths. Most Ezri’s hair is a deep black like their eyes, mirroring the universe they were born from. But Xiah dyes his hair a light brown and is continuously morphing his appearance in piercings and tattoos in defiance of the Ezri way. He’s very tall as his race decrees, with long elegant limbs. He moves with a catlike grace and uses his sexuality to his benefit. He’s very aware of his effect on people.

Breakdown: Xiah is the universe’s ultimate playboy. Born from two Ezri parents who raised him to suppress his natural Ezri abilities, Xiah struggles with his identity and covers that struggle up with everything that makes him forget and feel good; promiscuity, alcohol, and a restless need to keep moving through the skies. He’s got a fiery temper, and nothing ever keeps his attention for long. He spent most of his childhood wondering about his ability to read the thoughts of his own people, and the fact that he could manipulate energy at his will. He eventually smothers those abilities (except in situations that would benefit him) in favor of appearing more human. He grows up working on starships with his father and eventually procures a ship of his own to start his wild journeys across the universe, a smuggler under the guise of a merchant. Xiah tends to get himself into the worst of situations, but he always gets out, and with a new lover who usually wants revenge on him. It makes traveling the skies a little more tricky...and interesting.

Sexuality: The Ezri don’t put emphasis on sexuality, but in Earth’s modern culture, he would be seen as pansexual. If someone catches his eye, he has no qualms in pursuing regardless of sex, gender, or race.

Relationships:

Mikas Ikeda (romantic)

Details: Xiah meets Mikas on the planet of Aurora through a band of Mikas’ friends. He becomes their pilot, or personal chauffeur as he sees it, helping them to get where they need to go in their adventures. He sees Mikas as a human who shares some of his own struggles in the emotional department. Both rough and tumble and cold in love, they don’t see eye to eye in the beginning. In fact, they often get into physical struggles of control and mistrust, but eventually come to terms that perhaps there’s more between them than mere intimidation. They share a restlessness and a need for new experiences and eventually form a bond over that.

Miel “Blue” Vauquelin (nemesis)

Details: Xiah sees Blue as a ghost from Mikas’ past. In his pursuit of Mikas, he continuously runs into the roadblock that is Blue and holds that against him. It’s never a smooth meeting between these two, but they’re forced to stomach one another’s company for Mikas’ sake.

Caden Maddox (friend)

Details: Caden to Xiah is a mystery, as the boy is to most people. But Caden is one of his own, someone searching for himself. But where Xiah is hesitant to know himself, Caden is eager and will do anything to uncover the truth about his past and his identity. In a way, Xiah respects Caden for his boldness, honesty, and perseverance.

Senka Idalia (friend)

Details: Senka , a fellow Ezri, is one of the reasons he agrees to tote Caden and his friends around the universe without much gain for himself. He sees someone trying desperately to find the source of their people and in a small part of himself, he wants the same. He would never admit this of course, but knowing where he came from is a yearning in his heart.

Attis Whitewater (romantic)

Details: Attis is a wild, beautiful human to Xiah. He meets Attis on a small backcountry planet, Ceres- the agricultural workhorse of the universe. As with most of his more meaningful relationships, Xiah has a rough start with opinionated, fiery Attis, but they eventually grow very close. Attis forms a deep attachment to Xiah that he’s never really ready to commit to. At this point in his life, he doesn’t have the capacity to commit to a boy who will never leave his home planet though he cares deeply for him.

Bion (friend)

Details: The sister of his first love, Remi. Bion is a spirited woman and they grow close in their youth with Remi as their median. After Remi’s passing, they become like sister and brother and keep his memory alive between them. Xiah often visits Bion in the progressing years, meetings that are often emotionally charged. 

Remi (romantic)

Details: The great love of Xiah’s life, a constant reminder of his own inadequacy. He meets Remi on the planet of Vesta, where Xiah feels more at home than anywhere else in the universe. He loves the wild rawness of the planet, and eventually loves those same attributes in Remi. He learns the value of life through Remi and remains captivated by him even after his untimely death which Xiah wholly blames himself for. He lives many years in silent torment over this romantic link and every relationship thereafter seems overshadowed and tarnished by it.

Pella (romantic)

Details: Pella is a dangerous Nyxian aristocrat who holds Xiah prisoner upon their first meeting. It might be the fact that Xiah may have insulted and stolen from Pella, but Pella is no angel in any sense. It’s ingrained into the minds of Nyxians that all foreigners who aren’t native to the planet Nyx are enemies, sent to their dark planet to fester and ruin it. With that mindset, he has no qualms taking Xiah prisoner, but becomes intrigued by Xiah’s outlandish, roguish ways as the weeks go by. The two become lovers and when Xiah does find his escape, there’s hell to pay if he ever sees Pella’s face again.

Excerpt: “Hello,” the Ezri greeted. He had brought a towel with him and he wiped at his face, cleaning away the grime, all the while smiling at Senka, his eyes sweeping over him curiously, “I’m Xiah.”

Senka nodded politely and passed his name to the other quietly and Xiah smiled wider, slinging his towel over his shoulder. His energy startled Senka, so different was it from any other he had felt, even Caden with his human blood composed himself better than this careless creature. And yet Xiah’s blood was pure and old, no humanity resided in him.

“Were you looking for something in particular? I felt you from miles away.”

“I was merely walking,” Senka answered stiffly, letting his hood fall back and regarding the other carefully. Xiah shrugged, clearly unconvinced. Nonetheless, he gestured behind him with an exaggerated sweep of his arm towards a cluster of domed buildings.

“That’s my unit there,” Xiah turned back to him with a proud grin, “I’m working on repairs to a few vessels in the back. Are you interested in ships?” He said the last bit as if he knew what Senka was after, and he probably did, despite Senka’s best efforts at keeping this stranger from his deepest thoughts.

“Are those your ships?” Senka wondered aloud, allowing his gaze to travel back to the domed building Xiah had come from.

“Built them myself,” Xiah agreed with a sharp nod, “even the Mechi around here have a hard time keeping up with me. I’ve been putting ships together since I was a kid. My fath--”

“There are more of us here?” Senka interrupted abruptly, his heart racing at the prospect of a generation of his own people here, safe, and thriving. Xiah smiled slyly and nodded again.

They’re shielding themselves like you, my friend.

“Come, I’ll show you,” Xiah waved him on and began walking back towards the launch site. Senka hesitated only briefly, considering this odd stranger. He was Ezri and no matter his wild appearance and mannerisms, he was part of the web, part of what Senka was trying to save, and that last thought was what had him following behind Xiah.

When they entered the nearest building, Senka was assaulted by a strange metallic scent and the stench of things burning. All around him were a number of ships, single pods and multi-passenger vessels, in various states of repair.

On the launch pad in the center of the dome sat a single passenger ship, its protective coating glistening prettily in the light, ready for take off through the large open dome above them. A woman in a figure hugging gray jumpsuit was standing on the pad near the ship, hands on her well defined hips.

“Xiah, where have you been?” she asked testily as he stealthily hopped onto the launch pad and approached her.

Senka watched with a mixture of surprise and distaste as Xiah pulled the human woman closer by the hips and kissed her roughly on the mouth. The woman laughed throatily when he released her and she gave him a sidelong, amused glance as she pulled on a helmet over her light hair. Xiah zipped up her suit where her generous bosom had been spilling out and then spun her by the shoulders, pushing her playfully towards the ship. The woman stepped into the pod and strapped herself in before giving Xiah a thumbs up as the door sealed shut with a hiss, the tinted glass hiding her from view.

Xiah jumped down from the launch pad and stood back, watching with a wide grin as the ship launched through the domed ceiling with considerably less noise and smoke than the old ships from Earth. Senka watched the ship disappear, a dark dwindling shape in the morning sky, leaving the atmosphere at a dizzying speed, before he turned back to Xiah with a questioning tilt of his head.

“Is she your keta?” Senka asked skeptically and was even more surprised when Xiah laughed loudly at his words.

“She’s someone I fuck when I’m bored,” Xiah responded somewhat crudely, shrugging at the frown on Senka’s face, “a prostitute who loves to travel. I let her take my pods up free of charge. Well… without a charge to her card, anyway,” he laughed and moved towards an alcove across the room where an oversized drafting table had been affixed to the wall. Scattered maps and what appeared to be plans for new ships littered the surface of the table and the space below. Xiah sat down, brushing the paper aside, and Senka watched in fascination as his slender hands began to sketch across a clean sheet of paper.

If you would like to know more about the series this character is from, stay tuned to this writeblr. I’m going to put up many more character bios and short stories, or stop by my website https://amdailybooks.com/ for more info and many freebies/short stories that will be popping up soon! I’m always up for asks and will talk nonstop about these beloved babies.

(art is copyrighted and made for the Lacuna series <3)