#and this is funny to me

[tiredofsatansbullshit]

bruce: that’s it, i’ve had enough. get on top of the fridge

jason: clamoring onto the fridge: this house is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE

damian: todd! is alfred up there?

jason: alfred’s doing the laundry

damian: the cat, todd. i’m asking about the cat

jason: oh, no

tim: why the fuck did you think he meant alfred the human

duke: why are we referring to him as alfred the human

tim: to distinguish

[jennrypan]

I'm a HUGE fan of Chat Noir just being willing to use cataclysm for the people he loves

YOU guys think it's bad and wrong (youre wrong), but ME? I think it's cool and he should be allowed to do it more (I'm right)

Like at first with Hawkmoth he panics cuz oh no! But then. After a while he just?? 'Wait why tf do I care he's a bitch?? I can just start nerfing mean assholes'

Like gimme morally Adrien- chaotic good Adrien!!

Marinette: Some guy called my outfit childish and ugly

Adrien: Kill them, they're obviously blind and mean!

Chloe: My mom keeps forgetting my name and ignoring me

Adrien: Kill her, like right now, I'll vouch for you

Nino: Man some dude called my beats lame, said he could do it better

Adrien: Your beats are literally perfect!! Don't worry he'll never say that again >:(

Obviously not exactly that cuz Adriens genuinely a nice person, but I like the fact that he's so willing to fight for and defend Marinette (and also..I just don't like Kim that much)

[planefood]

When was the last time you ate something green and NO GREEN M&M'S DON'T COUNT

[desperatepleasures]

one time I used the ben affleck smoking reaction image in the family group chat and my mom replied with the funniest possible response which was: "mommy doesn't know who the guy is???" and that phrase has not left my brain since. I'll see blorbos on my dash that I don't recognize and I'll be like well it seems mommy doesn't know who the guy is.

[sadclowncentral]

nearly had a medical emergency today because - and i cannot stress enough how little i am making this up - a helicopter landed in front of an open grain silo while i was getting off my ship and i am deathly allergic to the wheat that said helicopters rotor blades proceeded to blast in my face at full force. the cosmic forces are plotting against me ass situation to be in

[bodhrancomedy]

Sometimes having a reputation for being smart beats actually being smart.

I once beat my school’s chess champion in a game because he spent the entire match desperately trying to work out my strategy because I was “smart” and therefore good at chess.

We were playing with a Lord of the Rings chess set. I was moving the characters I liked best.

I’m terrible at chess.

[knifefightscene]

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[wilted]

help

[tooquirkytolose]

He made her an offer she couldn't refuse

[goats-ablaze]

woke up today and realized that tumblr entirely killed fuck ya life bing bong so here ya go again

[ddeck]

- i'm italian and this is hurting me - it's from a chicago dungeon

[phantomoftheshoppera]

Shuro: You used black magic to bring back Falin, are you stupid?!

Laios: hey what the fuck is your problem man?

Senshi:

[theriverbeyond]

how does hard drive never fucking miss

[sadclowncentral]

we had a true lost in translation moment with flag signalling today

some background: the international code of signals is used as shorthand for communicating important information between vessels unto this day. everyone carries a flag alphabet for this purpose and you can raise flags separately or together to indicate conditions and requests.

so when my crew mate informed me that the navy boat we were passing had two signal flags up i asked him to relay me the message because i was busy downstairs.

here is what he saw through the binoculars:

the flag on the left is Alpha (I have a diver down; keep well clear at slow speed) and the right one is Bravo (I am taking in or discharging or carrying dangerous goods.) the vessel most likely had clearance divers out to remove underwater explosives and wanted others to steer clear.

however, my beloved crew mate only vaguely recalled that Alpha stands for divers and Bravo stands for dangerous. so imagine my surprise when they hesitantly relayed that

"the navy...wants us to know that their divers know how to fight?"

[magnetothemagnificent]

Randomly remembered how as a kid my mom would always fast forward through the beginning of 'Finding Nemo' because she thought Coral's death was too violent, so for years I never knew why Nemo was raised by a single father and assumed Nemo's parents had gotten fish divorced and Marlin had won custody of Nemo. My dad's biological parents divorced when my dad was young, so I always knew what divorce was and I knew my Grandma had gotten primary custody of my dad, so I just assumed that's what happened with Nemo. It wasn't until years later when I watched Finding Nemo with my grandparents without my mom and they didn't know to fast forward through the beginning that I finally knew what happened to Coral and I was *devastated*.