#looking back the concept of fish divorce is so funny to me

[magnetothemagnificent]

Randomly remembered how as a kid my mom would always fast forward through the beginning of 'Finding Nemo' because she thought Coral's death was too violent, so for years I never knew why Nemo was raised by a single father and assumed Nemo's parents had gotten fish divorced and Marlin had won custody of Nemo. My dad's biological parents divorced when my dad was young, so I always knew what divorce was and I knew my Grandma had gotten primary custody of my dad, so I just assumed that's what happened with Nemo. It wasn't until years later when I watched Finding Nemo with my grandparents without my mom and they didn't know to fast forward through the beginning that I finally knew what happened to Coral and I was *devastated*.

[jade-kyo]

Season 15 post Restoration thoughts

Back when Restoration was first announced I rewatched the shisno trilogy to weigh the pros and cons of everything getting retconned. I’ve decided now that Restoration has aired to do another rewatch like that but this time more just general thoughts and headcanons

welp let’s get started!

Oh hey this is actually funny

Still say Dylan’s original cameraman was funnier, they should’ve kept him instead of Jax. Frank you will always be famous to me.

KAIKAINA MY BELOVED

Bringing back Vic was a big brained move fr

On the topic of Vic I’ve always liked the theory that he was actually one of the alpha fragments, specifically the love fragments… hmm things to consider

The whole situation on chorus is also interesting… further things to consider

Oh hey look at that Dr. Grey actually sounds like herself. What a wild concept.

The reds and blues are actually friends and act like it? WHAT A WILD CONCEPT

Grimmons closet sex you will always be famous to me

But also Church basically writing gay smut of his friends is very funny

Man this is actually funny. Wild concept.

Nah but there’s a legit joke about them getting a bad movie bro predicted the future

Canon band au

I love how all the things Carolina mentions happening are so low key compared to the others. Like yeah Grif convincing Simmons GoT was real is wild meanwhile there’s actual dinosaurs

Yeah the whole red team and blue team thing IS outdated. Concept wild.

Genuinely love how you can tell just how much Carolina loves these idiots and their shenanigans. Such a concept.

“No he means Church” frothing at the mouth

OH HEY THEY GENUINELY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND ABOUT CHURCH. WILDEST OF CONCEPTS

“I’m not in the military anymore” yeah Grif that sure is a GREAT point. Concepts are wild.

But also can’t believe we’ve had to watch grimmons get divorced twice

PROTECTIVE TUCKER MY BELOVED

Dead beat dad Tucker jokes my BELOATHED

Man remembering the characters ranks. Really concept the wild.

“We’re having fish” bro why did you say it like that makes you sound like a cannibal 💀

Loco you will always be famous to me

“You don’t have to destroy the past to have a future” what a great way to show that you can let go of the past and trauma while also honoring the memories of those you lost. Concepts really do be wild sometimes.

Damn I think I’m coming back around on carwash- I am not immune to hand holding and funny take off your suit bits. Platonic or romantic they make me feral. I’ll take it either way.

Freelancer death room is a genuinely cool and fucked up scene

As much as I’m enjoying this rewatch I still can’t stand the Sarge butchering that starts in this season and just get progressively worse

SERIOUSLY VIC IS A FRAGMENT HE LITERALLY SAYS “it’s me!” IN REFERENCE TO THE ALPHA

Y’all were right Temple is totally gay for Biff

Oh god I forgot about the shitty animation

Also werent the simulation bases started after Tex fled from PF?? And also after Carolina went MIA???

Rip Biff bro did not deserve that but to be fair the second he said his girl was pregnant he was doomed by the narrative

Caboose cursing my beloved

Donut is a furry confirmed

TUCKER ASKING CABOOSE HIS THOUGHTS AND EVEN AGREEING AHDKGAKSH

While I am enjoying this rewatch I think I figured out what always bugged me about this season. The reds and blues are the wrong kind of dumb. Like yeah they’re idiots but you seriously didn’t consider once that the blues and reds might be lying to you? Especially after everything that happened on Chorus?? But especially Carolina and Wash not really questioning it??? Like idk it just feels off

Temple has so much potential as a villain cause like he’s not wrong… and I think evil sim troopers is such a cool concept…much to be considered

Oh actually acknowledging how much they’ve accomplished especially on Chorus?? Of concepts to be wild

Another thing that bugs me is this constant use of “good guy/bad guy” language. just feel off for the themes of RvB.

Ah yeah Grif’s volleyballs

Grif might be able to give Wash a run for his money on that Sarge impersonation

LOCUS!!!!!

Locus-Grif team up my beloved

METAL GEAR REFERENCE SPOTTED !

EVERYONE BEING PROTECTIVE OF CABOOSE

But also I think Caboose not understanding death is weird like yeah he’s dumb but again not that kind of dumb??? Idk just one of those things that doesn’t entirely sit right with me

I do like the interactions between him and the team tho

Loopy Wash my beloved

Again will never forgive what they did to Sarge

Locus is gonna steal yo kneecaps

Ah yes Church’s obsession with fucking up Wash continues.

Honestly in hindsight I don’t actually love Wash getting shot. It really feels like they just use him as an angst punching bag because he’s a fan favorite. And this is coming from someone who LOVES angst

Also I feel like Tucker rushing out is ooc when a big part of his arc on Chorus was him doing that, getting people killed, and then learning that sometimes you gotta think things through. Kind of the start of how they undid and then redid his arc

OKAY BUT GRIF AND TUCKER MOMENT!!!!!!

Okay again this weird insistence of all the enemies being comically evil shitty people is very antithetical to the core themes are RvB

Everybody shut the fuck up the Caboose and Tucker moment after Caboose ties the guys shoelaces together is so fucking cute holy shit I am frothing at the mouth I love them so much

My hatred for anything time travel related remains

AUDIBLE GASP

GRIMMONS WHY ARE WE HERE MOMENT MY BELOVED

Yeah Sarge your monologues ARE better. Sure wish they’d remember what those monologues actually meant for your character development. Wilds the concept huh.

Man Grif choosing to stay with his friends no matter what. Truly concept in my wilds.

LOCO NOOOOOOOOOO!!

Oh god they hit you with the Caboose feels that should be illegal

Still don’t like that Caboose got to say goodbye tho. I said it last time but it’s too- fairytale-ish. The themes of grief in rvb have always been about how it’s unfair and a lot of the times you don’t get to say goodbye and you don’t get closure but you still have to learn to let go and move on despite it all. Want it noted this is also a criticism I have of the Chex stuff in restoration.

Furthermore Tucker really was prepared to create a time paradox in order to bring back Church AND THEY JUST NEVER CIRCLED BACK AROUND TO THAT???? Bro Tucker grieves Church so much and they just never address it

Also Vic’s sacrifice is further proof that he’s an alpha fragment

GRIF SIBLINGS MY BELOVEDS!!!!!!

Dylan’s speech at the end is very good and it makes me love the simulation headcanon more cause that means it’s technically Church, or at least what Church believes/hopes the world would think of the reds and blues.

Also can’t believe Temple, Bucky, and Cronut are all still alive and they just never brought them back in any way.

ALSO CAROLINA SINGING AKHSKAHSKHDKSJ

CABOOSE DRUM SOLO

Alright then that’s seasons 15! …. On my hands and knees begging for forgiveness S15 TAKE ME BACK IM SORRY I WAS EVER MEAN TO YOU!

But in all seriousness I’m way more open to this as a possibility of what happens next than I am Restoration. This is just glorified fanfiction and like it’s fun! I have fun watching it! I’ve got my complaints but still at least it gets that these characters care about each other. It may not have the strongest writing but it’s not terrible and you’ll catch me rewatching it and enjoying it from time to time.

… do I have to watch s16- can’t I just skip it? Please no amount of Restoration sucking is going to make me like that season. I might just skip it and if I’m ever feeling more up to it I’ll circle back around to it. In all honesty I think 16 and Restoration are on the same level for me. Bad seasons that I mostly ignore but I will on very rare occasions rewatch them if not just to bitch and complain. I do think Restoration is a little better than 16 but still easily in the top 3 worst seasons of RvB.

Welp in that case you will most likely see me talking about s17 next unless I’m just really feeling the self hatred enough to watch 16

[wolviecore]

Alright boys, time for me to post another movie concept that no one asked for:

My guilty pleasure (this week) happens to be rom-coms centered around divorce. But this time, dear friends, we have SUPERHEROES :))

Jim Carrey as this Megamind villain who's just living for the evil aesthetic. And destroying the unjust governments that constantly abuse their power onto the powerless. Also, he wants his husband back. That is not a request.

Said husband is played by James Marsden, starring as the cutie patootie, salt of the earth, Superman Would Salute You superhero. Alien but more human than most humans. Sends baddies into the orbit with a single punch by morning (" ... My B!"), tries to make a class of teenagers listen to literature lectures by afternoon. The hero job is easier. Love his villain ex husband still.

And it'd be so funny if like- they didn't split because of their respective jobs, but over what most divorced couples separate for? Lack of communication, wanting different things, etc

Bonus points if they have kids ( who are also superhuman) who try to get them back together at any and every opportunity.

Look at his smug little bastard. He seems feral to you? Because he absolutely is. Evil for the aesthetic. Baby villain, goes with his supervillain dad on " fishing trips" (comit mass terrorism) but loves his hero dad & sister very much.

SUNSHINE GIRL I LOVE YOUUUU- I just want to see Hannah Kepple in more projects lmao

[thinkingaboutyoungroyals]

Red String (1/4)

Summary: When T.J. was 8, he read a book about the Red Strings of Fate. And when he was 10, he started seeing strings EVERYWHERE.

A/N: I've always loved the idea of being connected to your soulmate with a Red String of Fate. I did a bit of research on them and I've read some manga that have them as a theme. So, I took some liberties on how they work here and I'm still figuring it out along the way but I hope I'm able to convey them in a justified manner.

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Chapter 1: Black String

When T.J. was 8, he stumbled upon a book in his mother’s bookshelf. The cover was pretty – it had flowers, a cat, and a funny looking face and it was splashed in colors of black, white, and red. When he opened it up and started to read, it talked about something called “The Red String Of Fate”.

This string or thread runs from your heart to your pinky finger and stretches further on through time, space, and distance. And at the end of that string is your fated person, someone who is meant to stay by your side for the rest of your life.

The concept excited 8-year-old T.J. that he ended up tying a red piece of thread in each of his parents’ pinky fingers. They had been fighting a lot and he hoped that the string would keep them together.

When T.J. was 10, his parents divorced, he moved with his mother to Shadyside, and he started seeing strings…everywhere.

Some were red, others were blue, and there were some black ones. Some were strong and firm, others were tattered and hanging by a thread (literally), and some were broken beyond repair. Some people had multiple strings on all of their fingers while others only had a few, even just one.

By this time, he was old enough to know that this was something that only he (as far as he knew) was able to do: see the strings of fate. It was strange and he had no idea why he could see them and what any of the colors meant. There weren’t exactly books that detailed such an ability, aside from the one he found about the Red String, and the internet was no help, either. And it seemed like the strings were more complicated compared to how the book he read when he was 8 described them.

T.J. may not be the smartest kid in class, but he wasn’t exactly dumb. So, he made his own observations, jotting them down in a little notebook.

By the time he was 13, he almost figured everything out.

Red strings were for love, obviously, and they’re on your pinky finger. Blue strings were for platonic love like family and friends and usually found on your pointer or thumb. And black strings were for hate, tied around your middle finger.

Sometimes, strings would break and re-thread with someone else. For example, his mother’s red string was broken after the divorce and for a year, just limply hung there. And, then, one day, she came home with a smile and a brand new, re-threaded string. She had just met her soon-to-be boyfriend who was going to be like a second dad to T.J.

Sometimes, strings would change color and slowly move its way to another finger. For example, his father’s red string had faded into blue and moved to his thumb. Right after that, he filed for a divorce.

And, sometimes, strings would disappear forever. Like T.J.’s fourth blue string when his grandfather passed away.

And he discovered that the stronger the feeling, the brighter the color. But when those feelings start fading, so did the color of the strings.

T.J. had three – blue for his parents and his grandmother - all on this thumbs. Black strings would appear now and then on his middle finger but would eventually disappear when he stopped caring. However, his pinky finger remained empty.

Soon, seeing strings form, break, and disappear just became another normal day for T.J. He never interfered in anyone's business, though. It was up to those people to maintain the quality and strength of their strings, not his.

Sometimes, though, he found himself jealous of people with so many strings that you couldn’t even see the tips of their fingers. Despite having “friends”, none of them developed a blue string with him. That was how he knew they weren’t genuine and they were all just using each other, somehow. Sometimes, T.J. wished he didn’t know. Sometimes, he wished he couldn’t see the strings. They burdened him, sometimes.

Kids his age were starting to have their red strings appear. And even if they couldn’t see it, T.J. could. He could see the girls giggling among themselves when a friend’s crush passes them, their strings bright and connected because the crush was mutual, but they didn’t know it. He even witnessed a boy’s broken red string sadly hanging from his pinky as he stared at another boy across the hall, talking to a girl. 

A lot of red strings were broken, in fact - unrequited crushes. Normal for middle-school kids. Most of those strings would disappear, eventually. And, sometimes, a new one would pop up - a new crush.

Meanwhile, T.J.’s pinky remained empty. He wondered if he was ever going to have his own red string. Not even a broken one for him. Maybe because he didn’t really like anyone.

And, then, one day, he developed a new string but not one he expected: a black string. He hadn’t had a black string in a while. And all because the basketball team’s new player, Buffy, was better than he was. He could see the feeling was mutual. Along with several blue strings and one red one, he could see a black string on her middle finger.

He watched as she lined up for breakfast with a friend, wondering how to approach her when he loathed her presence so much. As he walked closer, he gave his own black string a small tug. She raised her eyes in his direction and rolled her eyes.

“Incoming,” she murmured to her friend.

“This is how it is, Buffy,” T.J. spat out. “You have to tutor me.” He tried to look more intimidating. “I’m team captain.”

She smiled with poison at him. “Sure, T.J. Here’s your first lesson: X times Y equals ain’t gonna happen!”

And it resulted in another bickering session between them. He didn’t know why she rubbed him the wrong way but she just did. Maybe his insecurities flared whenever she was around. Maybe he was jealous of all those strings on her fingers. Whatever the reason, he couldn’t back down.

He ended up making a deal to pass the ball to her in exchange for tutoring. As well as one more thing.

“You get my friend, Cyrus, here, a chocolate-chocolate chip muffin.”

She pulled said friend to her side. The smaller boy squeaked in surprise, his brown eyes connecting with T.J.’s. What a funny little guy. His fingers were covered in blue strings and his pinky had a lone broken red string.

T.J.’s own fingers twitched.

“Then we have a deal.”

“You can’t get your own muffin?” T.J. blurted out, amused.

“I didn’t need this extra level of humiliation,” the boy said to Buffy before turning to T.J. with a sheepish smile. “But, no.”

T.J. didn’t know what made him do it. It was so easy to just walk over, grab him a muffin, and the deal was done. But he ended up teaching the kid how to fish, to walk to the muffin like it was his, and just take it.

And he didn’t know what made him stalk over when the other students began protesting and announce, “He’s with me.” Even though this kid, Cyrus, wasn’t with him. He was just using him to get Buffy to tutor him so he could pass his stupid Math class.

It wasn’t until he was at his locker, switching his books, that he finally noticed it. He couldn’t believe that he didn’t even feel it. And he was more confused than ever at seeing it.

A short pink string was hanging from his pinky.

[zaccahrycrookes]

Anxiety: my lifelong companion

"Whenever my telephone buzzes, I see hooded riders setting fire to hundreds" - Aesop Rock

Anxiety is a funny beast, I've always lived with it. As a little kid I can remember being crippled by insane fears, or the feeling of fear. Not attached to a physical situation, just always there to pop up as it pleased. It was always physical, intense symptoms but they only lasted a few hours at a time

As a child I hated sleeping over at friends houses, being away from home I felt insecure and scared. My parents thought it was just separation anxiety, you know a kid learning to feel safe away from home and family. Eventually that shifted, at about ten or eleven years old I was able to stay with friends, or visit relatives alone without breaking down as the sun went down, begging to go home. After that it all went away for some time, and nothing was thought of it. A bad year at school when I was about thirteen manifested in a break down due to anxiety. I didn't know what happened, and my parents didn't either. I would lay awake all night feeling sick, shaking, crying, with dizzying headaches, but suddenly by morning I would be fine. This again lasted a year, passed and allowed me to live again as a 'normal' teenager. By the time I started High School it seemed all those fears, and physical symptoms had passed

My parents had divorced by then and that brought a sense of calm to me. They both seemed happier for it, for a few years I got two enjoy two loving, and happy homes with my younger brother.

Anxiety is a disease, it can happen to anyone. My 'image' of an anxiety sufferer is a pale skinned, kid shut away in their bedroom playing video games and eating fast food. This is an insane concept, because I am one of those people- I am a sufferer of severe anxiety. I've always been active through my life the outdoors in many ways is what has kept me sane. My weekends filled by bikes, skating, rock climbing, hiking and fishing with friends. Somewhere through the years I figured out physical exhaustion was the best remedy for me. Naturally I begun working as a landscaper/ gardener/ labourer etc... as a way to exhaust me, and my mind.

The anxiety somewhere along the line manifested as an intense fear of vomiting, not even getting sick- just vomiting. Not dying, not getting some terrible illness- just vomiting. Over many years I worked with it and managed to gain some control over this fear. I always hated parties for this reason, as a child it was my friends eating to much sugar and vomiting. Then as a teenager it was friends getting drunk, or greening out; and vomiting. This fear again consumed me when I was seventeen; it'd been a good run, a good almost four years of living a pretty normal teenage life. I was partying, drinking, doing drugs, all that fun stuff. I learnt to control my intake, I never get out of control and never over indulged. The first time I got drunk was off a bottle of Vodka by a fire. I was fine, but everyone else was throwing up all over the paddock. After that I decided I would never binge drink, and that curbed the fear at parties, I'd have up to three beers, and know I would be fine. Never mix drinking with other substances. Simple rules that kept me in tact through those teenage years.

At seventeen it all rushed back, all of it. I was feeling sick daily, scared of not sleeping in my own room. Even with people I considered my 'other families' with whom I had spend weeks in their homes. I stopped going to parties, I became a social recluse after the sun went down. I had stopped seeing my father, as our relationship had collapsed; that plus the stress of school work broke me down again. Still every weekend I rode, skated, hiked, climbed, and worked outdoors to save money. Gaining experience in these skills and nurturing my love of the outdoors. I didn't let my anxiety take that away from me. By eighteen I was ok again, this was thanks to my girlfriend at the time. She helped through one of the darkest parts of my life, and single handedly bought me out of

my fear filled world, again able to be social and enjoy the company of others. I met this amazing woman on my eighteenth birthday, at my birthday party. Even then I was running away to hide in my room ever few hours for ten minutes to gather myself. We'll call her Andrea, with her supporting me I begun to live again and we finished school

In those years the shadow of anxiety still snuck back in. I was away with friends for the weekend, staying with one of their older brothers and his family. We arrived late Friday night after a three hour drive. My friends brother was sick, and vomiting. I freaked the fuck out, the next morning I spent chain smoking standing outside in the fresh air where I felt safe. Eventually asking my best friend to drive me back to the closest town, to get a bus back home. I never told them the truth, just made some lame excuse. That shook me, but it didn't stick, I went to Andrea's and by the next day it was gone and I was ok. Small attacks like this happened but I never got stuck in it, managing to shrug it off. I stayed away from big parties, didn't go to many gigs, and essentially avoided all crowded spaces. These always bothered me, I have always lived in quiet areas. The peace of being isolated has been a big part of my life

After school I begun working as a full time as a landscaper, then a handy man, then gardener, then labourer for a house relocation company. I ended working with the relocation company, as the boss fucked me over with payments and let me go for no reason. Even with that, the death of a family member, and a close friend admitted to the hospital psychiatric ward; I held it together. All this time I was feeling great, anxiety seemed like a bad dream left in the past. I worked all year, then travelled Peru with my family, and Europe with Andrea, and our close friend Fay. Andrea and I broke up soon after arriving home, I was worried I would relapse, but I didn't to my surprise. I went through a short stage of depression, but made the move to New Zealand and was feeling better then ever

After six months I returned refreshed back home, anxiety always there but not controlling me anymore. I had power over it, I was in control. The following years I worked in a plant nursery, worked for a Uni as a field (research) assistant in the science department, and studied fine art. Andrea's departure from my life left me spinning, but I came through it free of a breakdown. It wasn't until the stress of my work for the Uni had me slowly degrading back to a bundle of anxiety, the job finished. I moved back in with my family to be closer to the town I grew up in, that's when it hit

Whilst working I had been living with friends, toward the end the anxiety was creeping back but I chose to ignore it, pretending it wasn't there. Things like to much coffee, or a harsh word from a co worker would tip me over the edge into panic. Luckily my work, family, and home environment was filled with loving, calm people who made me feel supported. Toward the end of the job I begun making mistakes, small but noticeable. feeling in over my head, never having studied science I stepped down, and eventually quit. Deciding to move back with my Mum and family, and work once again as a gardener to keep my life simple and stress free

I moved in, and the panic started 24/7. I had been living independent on my own steam, schedule and rules for so long that moving back in with my family shook me. There was always things happening, people everywhere, things to be done, and so much energy constantly around me. It was a drastic change from the relaxed, simple living share house I'd grown used to. Within days I broke down, I awoke one night feeling sick. I thought I was going to throw up, I ran out of my room, toward the bathroom. Suddenly my mind stopped me, and I found myself running outside. The fresh air hit me, instantly I felt a little better. I spent the night pacing the yard in a shaky panic, finally slipping into sleep at about four the next morning. A panic "hang over" the day after feels like you've spent five days on speed and jus starting to come down, your wired yet exhausted at the same time. You crave rest, and quiet; but it never comes. Your body shakes, you can't stay still, but neither can you stand very long. You feel sick, confused, and completely shattered with a body of sore muscles from tension

This continued for months, until I was completely beaten down. I couldn't sleep, eat, work, or function in my "normal" life. I found people's energy so over whelming I was reduced to hiding away in a dark room. I tried every treatment I could find, eventually exhausted after a trip to the ER due to a week of no sleep or eating I was given some Valium, and able to peacefully sleep for the first time in months. That episode had me ending up in a sterile doctors office getting handed a prescription, out of option I had admitted defeat

"Oh, no Valium is addictive. Don't take them at all! Take this SSRI once a day, come back in a month" He said. Under duress he gave me small Benzo prescriptions for 'emergency' situations

That was all the support our 'advanced' medical system had to give, throw some pills at me after five minutes of talking and hope for the best

I begun seeing a psychologist (to look good on my file), and a counsellor (who was more aligned with my belief system). It was late May by then, I'd been unable to work since February and was quickly running out of what I'd saved. Unable to move out, work, or do anything. Most days I was confined to my bed by the fear of having a panic attack or feeling to sick to move. A close friend in New Zealand was experiencing the same journey, I would Skype often, and found great support in each others journeys. I Skyped with a dear friend in Melbourne who also had personal understanding of mental illness, combined their support was unmeasurable

Despite feeling like I was losing all control over body, mind, and soul I made myself pack and board a plane to New Zealand for a month. Then a plane to the US for another month. Then home, while away I kept getting better, and better. By the end of the US trip I was feeling completely myself again, I was hiking, and climbing again, I could eat, and I didn't have a single panic attack. I felt like the person I used to be. The second I arrived home, I was back at square one. Within months I was back on a plane to New Zealand, after selling what ever I could to make money and pay for a flight. There I felt good, I was working again out in gardens, and designing landscaping projects. After a few months it snuck back, and once again I was back at the beginning. Constantly shaking and feeling sick, completely unable to quieten my racing heart, and mind. By now I realised SSRI's are also addictive and coming off them would be another whole battle in itself

This disease is not easy to see from the outside, but I can assure it is as real as a broken arm, heart attack, or cancer. It is debilitating, exhausting, and untreated or cared for can kill

I am now at a loss. Taking pills I don't want, that don't seem to help, and will be a challenge to get off. A medical system that doesn’t really know what they are doing. I become more, and more convinced medical school is no more an expensive sales degree for selling for what ever pill is the flavour of the month/year/decade

I wake up feeling anxious, I eat and have a cup of tea. I go about my day, and check chores off as best I can; depending on how sick or scared I feel. I come home, and begin to panic as the sun sets. By night there is a lump in my throat and a tight knot of tension in my belly. Then I try to sleep, wake and do it all again. The best analogy I've heard is that anxiety is like an ocean it rises, it subsides, there can swells, breaks, or still days. But no matter what, it is there and it is always moving

There is no conclusion to this story, it's still being written, and may be a never ending series for all I know. The best I can hope for is brief escapes and moments where I feel myself again

-Written circa 2018.

[gullethead]

okay a few mutuals liked this, thats enough to make me elaborate. keep in mind this is a nearly four-year-old elaborate fantasy setting made by five people smashing concepts together (based in but not exclusively made for d&d) with a ton of intricately woven character relationships so sorry if this gets confusing at all and PLEASE ask clarifying questions

warning for lots of mentions of lots of kinds of violence

so. lets talk about Helgrid and Holy.

Helgrid Mulpherik (who belongs to Fish @fish-mouth, as do all the characters here besides Holy and the other PCs mentioned much later) is a 6'11 middle aged half-goliath werewolf dysphoric lesbian divorcee, and at one point was a paladin who served as a gatekeeper in this city called Yennisveg. that's where she was when this enormous attack called the Siege of Yennisveg happened, where a magical curse in the form of a cloud swept through the outer city and caused people to attack viciously. Helgrid was responsible for keeping the gate closed to save most of the city, and killed people who were controlled by the curse to do it - which, even on top of how incredibly traumatizing that was in itself, also earned her the ire of a lot of people in Yennisveg for her part in those deaths and sent her into a depressive spiral. this led to her divorce, and at some point she moved to this quiet village by the sea called Hazelwood and joined the town guard.

fast forward roughly a decade. Helgrid's ex-wife Jeramina and family, including Helgrid's adoptive younger sister/niece Svera (who was coparented by her ex-wife and her paladin mentor who's kind of like her father figure. its a LONG story) have moved to Hazelwood, and Svera has taken to (or, fucked in the woods, then Vegas-married, then divorced, then gotten back together with on much more healthy ground) this up-and-coming tiefling paladin named Holy Light of the Sacred Flame, who technically started living in Hazelwood on assignment but has mostly just been adrift and searching for a purpose. Helgrid takes a shine to Holy and starts mentoring her, helping her focus her anger issues into actually helping and protecting people, which she put to good use during another major crisis in Yennisveg where she was one of the people responsible for putting down a massive demon.

now, Holy is an interesting character to me, because she's definitely... good-natured. she's loud and boisterous but also just. genuinely kind and funny and loving. but she also has a tendency to solve problems with brute force and sees the world in extreme black and white - not just "good" and "evil," but in general seeing things as arbitrary categories. like, as an example, a running joke is that she sees all vampires as 'monsters,' but not werewolves, because vampires are monsters all the time while werewolves are more like regular people who have a curse. she has no PROBLEM with vampires, that's just how she categorizes things.

this brings us to now, which is the campaign Fish is running, a CoS hack called Curse of Venari which is similar to the original campaign but works in our characters and has significantly less racism and sexual violence. Holy is one of four of the player characters who've found themselves in Barovia, which is partially populated with hollow, alternate versions of people they know in the real world. one of these people is her brother-in-law Orek, who she'd found... having been transformed into a vampire. and stuck at the bottom of a lake in a sarcophagus. for twenty years. and currently has stuck in his chest the hilt of the Sunsword, which they were looking for when they found him. pretty much the party's only option at that point had been to mercy kill him, which involved Holy slowly severing his neck with a dagger as he quietly begged her not to. this is how the last session ended.

now bear in mind, this campaign is really the first time Holy's ever been... on her own? because her companions are 1) a fellow monster hunter who doesn't know her that well, 2) a brother-in-law-twice-removed who's a complete pushover, and 3) a brother-in-law-once-removed who's totally checked out of the situation, so there's nobody to really keep her in check. which means that for the first time in her life, Holy has to actually mature on her own and come to terms with the fact that her actions have consequences. and that's, like, an inevitable and always-difficult part of growing up, but... it's now coupled with the act of brutally killing (a version of) one of her best friends, and the nagging doubt about whether he really needed to die, which then makes her question her black-and-white view of what a 'monster' is

and the crazy part about all of this is that Helgrid specifically wanted to avoid these kinds of traumas when she was training Holy, but that's simply not possible when you're dealing with violence. is the kind of violence that Holy and Helgrid do, the violence of protecting others, necessary? maybe. but it's also inevitably destructive and traumatizing for everyone involved by the very nature of violence. if Holy had been trained, but never experienced this kind of tragedy, she'd just be another person who glorifies the idea of violence with no concept of the consequences.

this comic essentially sums up my thoughts on their relationship best:

thinking about my and my friends ocs and the idea of violence as both a necessary evil and inherently traumatizing to all involved and going craaaazyyyy

[joshuazev]

On variations of the lobster:

In the past few years I’ve developed quite the affinity for shellfish, but not necessarily just the shellfish, more so the whole experience of going to a restaurant where you use those cracking tools to open seafood like crab, lobster, and crawfish.  The cajun influence probably doesn’t hurt, either.  Despite getting inevitably messy and wearing bibs that rarely cover the entirety of your body, it’s one of the funner group dinner activities and always proves to be an enjoyable time.  I only went to “Cajun Crawfish” in Seattle one time, but it was exactly what I expected (it came highly recommended by my friends).  Delicious and an awesome way to get the squad together.  I went to “CrabPot” a few times as well and that was pretty entertaining, too.  Out in New York the big apple version is “The Boil,” which usually comes equipped with the wait times in the multiple hours.  (They don’t take reservations, which is a New York tendency.  Maybe they fear nights being completely reserved?  Is this actually a better way to let everyone have a fair shot?).  My first meal when I visited Las Vegas for the first time was with my big brother Miles and he took me and his fiancé to “Hot n Juicy Crawfish.”  We went in!  I can only imagine what it’s like in the South or in a place that’s advertised as having this great cuisine in spades, such as New Orleans.

Now, all thoughts on food aside, my original thinking about this post was influenced and inspired by the film, “The Lobster,” but like any mention of food my mind went into damn near every relatable memory I have of eating.  The quick and dirty summary of the film is a modern dystopia in which single people living in a fictional place called “The City” are taken to “The Hotel” where they have to find a romantic partner or are transformed into an animal of their choosing and sent to live in “The Woods.”  I don’t want to take too long commenting on the movie.  It’s pretty nuts, to say the least.  If you like twisted films and/or have seen another movie by the director I’d recommend it.  Even if you haven’t I’d say check it out simply because it has the potential to be more universally approved than the others.  It requires you to do some thinking and comparing of and between the series of events in the fictional plot, but also the schematics involved in relationship matching today.

Which made me think of the totally made up (sort of) ridiculous world of social dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and others like Plenty of Fish and Match.com.  Now I don’t discredit them because I know people who are in relationships today that found their partners through the medium.  The point is, it has become one of the more popular ways to meet people nowadays.  I wouldn’t even be surprised if it’s the majority.  (On a cynical level I also wonder how this information correlates to marriage, break up, and divorce statistics).  I do think there is something to be said about the short term and long term effects, negatives and positives, benefits and detriments.  I’d be curious to see what it does to the human psyche and what other effects it has on social interaction.  What if a Lobster type world existed in the world today?  What if the premise in our reality was that you had to pick one dating app and you would then have 30 days with a maximum of 30 swipes a day and if you didn’t find someone by the 30th day you’d be forced to live single forever?  Would anyone else feel the immense pressure that comes with that challenge?  Does anyone feel like it’s just an extreme it’s just an extreme variation of how the world is today?  If I hadn’t seen the proof in the pudding of the successful stories that have been produced by social dating apps I’d probably continue to have pretty grim and bleak feelings towards the subject.  It has always felt a little cheap, a little strange and unnatural.  I’m sure some people felt the same away about in-person speed dating when that was first introduced.  My thoughts on that are like Andy in “The 40 year old virgin.”  Great scene by the way.  

I’ve been told that I’m a very future focused person.  I believe it, sadly.  I’m trying to change it.  I’m sure others have similar difficulties being in the present.  My future focus wonders will what transpire in the way of this current dating landscape.  Will it change?  Of course.  When will it change?  I don’t know.  Remember when webcam stuff used to be the thing?  How will the universe advance?  It seems like it’s getting less and less personal but maybe that’s obvious.  What’s less personal than speed dating without having to interact?  I’ve always been interested in how other cultures set up their children for marriage.  Arranged marriages.  I was always skeptical.  Always judgmental.  Now with so much freedom you see the few that don’t work out.  More liberty to escape the cultural binds I guess, but for the most part those arranged marriages go through and last, which always amazes me.  They make it work.  Now, whether they are happy or not is a different story, one that we rarely see or hear about or take the time to investigate.

My strange guess is that one day there will be a technological apocalypse, much like the ice age.  And when that crazy event happens as it so often has during the course of history, things will start over.  As they should?  Maybe not, but I do think there will be somewhat of a rediscovery of social interaction that the world is in desperate need of.  This is coming from a man who is in need of it too.  With every passing day I realize that I am becoming more and more awkward.  I listen to myself say things and I’m like, “what the fuck?”  I know I’m awkward.  My brain knows it even more.  Maybe there’s a de-awkward-ization school for young adults and adults that I can attend.  Maybe the concept will catch like wildfire and it’ll become the next facebook.  I spend more and more time looking at the computer, talking to the computer, looking at my phone, talking through my phone, that when I take a step outside I almost have separation anxiety.  Sometimes the only thing that brings me back down to earth are random interactions with kids on the train.  Kids who don’t know better than to speak out of turn, respond on impulse and keep the molecules moving and the world around them flowing.  Who will make goggly eyes and crack up when I puff my cheeks and go cross eyed or when I roll my eyes and make funny faces.  We are growing up in the opposite direction right before our eyes.  Hiding behind a screen is this generation’s maturity.  And that’s a scary predicament.  If that’s a scary predicament then who is to say an evil dictator who loves power and loves to watch the world burn won’t go crazy and institute the new 30 swipe, one month rule?  It could happen.  It probably won’t, but you never know.  

Are we prepared to move forward with each other or by ourselves with the hope of getting lucky?  Who knows…who knows.  

[zaccahrycrookes]

A life living with anxiety

Anxiety is a funny beast, I've always lived with it. As a little kid I can remember being crippled by insane fears, or the feeling of fear. Not attached to a physical situation, just always there to pop up as it pleases 

As a child I hated sleeping over at friends houses, being away from home I felt insecure and scared. My parents thought it was just separation anxiety, you know as a kid learning to feel safe away from your home.  Eventually that shifted, at about ten or eleven years old I was able to stay with friends, or visit relatives alone without breaking down when it got dark and begging to go home. After that it all went away for some time and nothing was thought of it. A bad year at school when I was about thirteen manifested as what I now know was a break down due to anxiety. I didn't know what happened, and my parents didn't either. I would lay awake all night feeling sick, shaking, crying, with dizzying headaches, but suddenly by morning I would feel ok again. This again lasted a year and then passed and allowed me to live again as a 'normal' teenager. By the time I started High School it seemed all those fears, and physical symptoms had passed

My parents had divorced by then and that brought a sense of calm to me, they both seemed happier for it and for a few years I got two enjoy two loving, happy homes with my younger brother

Anxiety is a disease, it can happen to anyone. My 'image' of an anxiety sufferer is a pale skinned, skinny kid shut away in their bedroom playing video games and eating fast food. This is an insane concept, because I am one of those people- I am a sufferer of severe anxiety. I've always been active, through my life the outdoors in many ways is what has kept me sane. My weekends filled by bikes, skating, rock climbing, hiking and fishing always with friends. Somewhere through the years I figured out physical exhaustion was the best remedy for me

The anxiety first manifested as an intense fear of vomiting, not even getting sick- just vomiting. Not dying, not getting some terrible illness- just vomiting. Over many years I've worked with it and managed to gain some control over this fear. I always hated parties for this reason, as a child it was my friends eating to much sugar and vomiting. Then as a teenager it was friends getting drunk, or greening out; and vomiting. This fear again consumed me when I was seventeen; it'd been a good run, a good almost four years of living a pretty normal life. I was partying, drinking, doing drugs, all that fun stuff. I learnt to control my intake, I never get out of control and never over indulged. The first time I got drunk was off a bottle of Vodka by a fire, I was fine but everyone else was throwing up all over the paddock. After that I decided I would never binge drink, and that curbed the fear at parties, I'd up to three beers and know I would be fine, never mix drinking with drugs, and never mix drugs together. Three simple rules that kept in tact in my teenage years

At seventeen it all rushed back, all of it. I was feeling sick daily, scared of not sleeping in my own room. I stopped going to parties, I became a social recluse. I had stopped seeing my father, as our relationship had collapsed that plus the stress of school work set me off again. Still every weekend I rode, skated, hiked, climbed, and worked outdoors as a gardener to save money. Gaining experience in these skills and nurturing my love of being outdoors. I didn't let my anxiety take away from me. By eighteen I was ok again, this was thanks to my girlfriend at the time. She helped through one of the darkest parts of my life, and single handedly bought me out of my fear filled world, again able to be social and enjoy the company of others. I met this amazing woman on my eighteenth birthday, at my party. Even then I was running away to hide in my room ever few hours for ten minutes to gather myself. We'll call her Andrea, with her by my side I begun to live again and finished school, her still by my side

In those years there where still times that shadow of anxiety snuck back in. I was away with friends for the weekend, staying with one of there older brothers and his family. We arrived late Friday night after a three hour drive, my friends brother was sick, and vomiting. I freaked the fuck out, the next morning I spent chain smoking standing outside in the fresh air where I felt safe, eventually asking my best friend to drive me back to the closest town, to get a bus home. I never told them the truth, just made some lame excuse. That shook me, but it didn't stick, I went to Andrea's and by the next day it was gone and I was ok. Small attacks like this happened but I never got stuck in it, managing to shrug it off

After school I begun working as a full time as a landscaper, then a handy man, then gardener, then labourer for a house relocation company. As I ended working with the relocation company it snuck back in, as the boss fucked me over with money and let me go for no reason. Even with that, the death of a family member and a close friend admitted to the hospital psychiatric ward I held it together. All this time I was feeling great, anxiety seemed like a bad dream left in the past. I worked all year, then travelled Peru with my family, and Europe; with Andrea and our close friend Fay. Andrea and I broke up soon after arriving home, I was worried I would relapse, but I didn't; to my surprise. I went through a short stage of depression, but made the move to New Zealand and was feeling better then ever

After six months I returned refreshed back home, anxiety always there but not controlling me anymore. I had power over it, I was in control. The following years I worked in a plant nursery, worked for a Uni as a field (research) assistant in the science department, and studied fine art. Andrea's departure from my life left me spinning, but I came through it free of a breakdown. It wasn't until the stress of my work for the Uni had me slowly degrading back to a bundle of anxiety, the job finished. I moved back in with my family to be closer to the town I grew up in, that's when it hit

Whilst working I had been living with friends, toward the end the anxiety was creeping back but I chose to ignore it, pretending it wasn't there. Things like to much coffee, or a harsh word from a co worker would tip me over the edge into panic. Luckily my work and home environment was filled with loving, calm people who made me feel supported. Toward the end of the job I begun making mistakes, feeling in over my head never having studied science I stepped down, and eventually quit. Deciding to move back with my Mum and family, and work once again as a gardener to keep my life simple and stress free

As soon as I moved in the panic started 24/7, I had been living independent on my own steam, schedule and rules for so long moving back in with my family shook me. There was always things happening, people everywhere, things to be done, and so much energy constantly around me. It was a drastic change from the relaxed, simple living share house I'd grown used to. Within days I broke down, I awoke one night feeling sick. I though I was going to throw up and ran out of my room, toward the bathroom, but then my mind stopped me and I found myself running outside. The fresh air hit me, instantly I felt a little better, I spent the night pacing the yard in a panic finally slipping into sleep at about four the next morning

This continued for months, until I was completely beaten down. I tried every treatment I could find, eventually exhausted ending up in a sterile doctors office getting handed a few boxes of pills

"Take these once a day, come back in a month"

That was all the support our 'advanced' medical system had, throw some pills at me after five minutes of talking and hope for the best

I begun seeing a psychologist (to look good on my file), and a counsellor (who was aligned with my belief system). It was late May by then, I'd been unable to work since February and was quickly running out of what little I'd saved. Unable to move out, or do anything. Most days I was confined to my bed by the fear of having a panic attack or feeling to sick to move. Luckily for me a close friend in New Zealand was experiencing the same, I would Skype often, and found great support in each others journeys

Despite feeling like I was losing all control over body, mind, and soul I made myself pack and board a plane to New Zealand for a month, then a plane to the US for a month. Then home, while away I kept getting better, and better. By the end of the US trip I was feeling completely myself again. The second I arrived home, I was back at square one. Within months I was back on a plane to New Zealand after selling what ever I could to make money and pay for a flight      

[titles-for-tangents]

OP you literally had a parallel experience to most of us in the U.S. not knowing the first ten minutes of Pokémon The First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back were cut from the film.

Randomly remembered how as a kid my mom would always fast forward through the beginning of 'Finding Nemo' because she thought Coral's death was too violent, so for years I never knew why Nemo was raised by a single father and assumed Nemo's parents had gotten fish divorced and Marlin had won custody of Nemo. My dad's biological parents divorced when my dad was young, so I always knew what divorce was and I knew my Grandma had gotten primary custody of my dad, so I just assumed that's what happened with Nemo. It wasn't until years later when I watched Finding Nemo with my grandparents without my mom and they didn't know to fast forward through the beginning that I finally knew what happened to Coral and I was *devastated*.