#and this episode was like. what if we made ellen into a bobby level of character. just kidding we wouldnt give a woman screen time

[lesbiten]

i forget that theres an episode thats genuinely just "look how nice this show would be if some of your women who are minor side characters became part of the more "plot relevant" side characters, and werent just killed off because viewers hate women"

[holyhellpod]

4. Fambily

In this episode, we skim the surface of the fambily dynamics in Supernatural, which are--ah. Dicey at best. 

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Transcript under the cut!

Content warnings: domestic violence and family abuse

[Growl]

Ah, the Winchesters. Where do we even start. Unhinged, deranged, and continually traumatised in every way, Sam and Dean complete each other. At least, that’s what the show wants us to think. Despite the ways they betray each other, lie to each other, and  piss each other off, they are fambily. And fambily is the most important thing. The concept of Fambily in the show Supernatural (2005-2020) takes many twists and turns throughout its run. In the first five minutes of episode one, the heteronormative, nuclear family of John, Mary, Sam and Dean is ripped apart by an unknown, antagonistic force that represents all the evil in the world. It creeps into a nursery and eviscerates a white, blonde mother while preying upon a 👶, I mean, how much more evil can you get? It’s fantastic that, in the later seasons especially, Supernatural embraces this idea that fambily doesn’t end in blood, but blood doesn’t always mean fambily. By the end of the series, the fambily concept has expanded to include two dads, an aunt and uncle, and a thirty-year old infant. I’m going to talk about the finale in its own episode, so that my ire will have its proper outlet. 

When the show starts, Sam, Dean and John have each other, and only each other. By the time season 2 really kicks off, Sam and Dean don’t have John anymore, but they do have Bobby Singer. The concept of the triumvirate follows them throughout the series as though they’re in a less sexy Italo Calvino novel—first Sam, Dean and John, then Sam, Dean and Bobby, then Sam, Dean and Ruby, then Sam, Dean and Cas, then Sam, Dean and Mary, then Sam, Dean and Jack. It’s broken in seasons 13-15 when Cas comes back and they have a family of four, and then five when Mary can stand to see her boys.  

But the Winchesters are not the only fambily in Supernatural who matter. In season two, we’re introduced to the Harvelles, mother Ellen and daughter Jo, who are a hunting fambily who run a hunter pub in the middle of whoop whoop. A pub that Eric Kripke famously hated, and rejoiced when he burnt it down at the end of season 2, because the Winchesters and by extension everyone they know aren’t allowed to have anything good ever. It’s revealed in season two episode “No Exit” that John got Jo’s father killed on a hunt, which obviously affects Jo more than it does Sam and Dean. 

[Editing note:] Okay I’m editing this episode, and I’m not happy with it. I’m not going to scrap it completely because I think I do have good points to say, but the general analysis of this episode is so surface level. It is basically contributing nothing to the conversation. And I started this podcast in order to actually contribute something to the culture. I could make a bunch of text posts on tumblr or I could spend hours and hours and hours and hours of my life to something that — I don’t know. Is it bringing me joy? Not at the moment. But, yeah. So I’m not going to scrap this episode completely but this is my way of saying from now on the episodes are going to take as much as they will take and I will commit myself to having deeper and more thoughtful analysis. And if I have to spend an entire episode on one aspect of one thing, I will. I could be at university right now studying a masters or a PhD in fucking literary analysis but instead I’m sitting on my bed making a Supernatural podcast because it brings me joy. It does. It really makes me happy and I don’t want to abandon this project, because people are listening to it. I don’t know why, I don’t know what you like it about it, but you’re listening. And I just think I owe it to myself to make things that I support 100%. So I’ll continue this episode and hopefully this rambling hasn’t put you off it completely. But from now on, I’m going to really, really talk about things that matter in regards to Supernatural… Kind of an oxymoron. Kind of a contradiction. But things that contribute to the cultural consciousness instead of just rehashing the road so far. That’s all I want to do. I want to contribute. I want to say good…ful things. Okay this is making me happy. It’s already working, it’s already making me happy. I’m just going to keep rambling and laughing. Okay so, more thoughtful analysis, deeper analysis. Things that make you think. Things that make me think. Instead of just a bunch of words that mean nothing. Okay, continuing on.

Okay to figure out which episode this was I had to watch a little bit of season two, and I’m still on my season 13 rewatch. The difference between the two seasons. I don’t know if I can even put into words the growth this show has gone through, and the characters have gone through, over the last 15 years. It would be like summarising my own growth by combing through my extensive diary collection and the years of societally- and governmentally-enforced heterosexuality that has plagued my entire life. Those boys are babies in season two. The bootcut jeans alone. Sam is literally 23 years old. I don’t even talk to 23 year olds. I block them on social media.  

The Harvelles are a blip in the Winchester map. While the actors Samantha Ferris and Chad Lindberg did attempt to resuscitate their cultural currency months after the show ended by participating in an event — okay I can’t. I can’t even go into it. Like, clearly Samantha Ferris heard back from her representation as soon as she started posting those tweets and realised she wouldn’t continue to get money if she endorsed, well, the gays. And Chad Lindberg was just using the clout to push his Etsy wares like a 14th century merchant, so I gotta respect the hustle. But Jo and Ellen die in season 5 episode “Abandon All Hope” and are barely mentioned again except the episode Ash appears in, season 5 “Dark side of the moon,” Jo in season 7, “Defending Your Life,” and Ellen in the season 6 episode “My heart will go on.” They didn’t exactly leave what you would call a lasting impact for the next, you know, ten seasons. 

To be honest, I’m not sure when it’s revealed that Bobby’s wife died after being possessed by a demon. It’s made clear in season 5 “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid,” and I did not have to look that up, because season four and five are burned into my retinas like a particularly nasty sun flare. Bobby outlines the horrific way he killed his wife, because why not throw some spousal violence into the mix, and later in season 7 “Death’s Door,” it elaborates on their life together. I saw this sentiment expressed on TikTok, which we all know as the foundation of cultural knowledge, which was that fambilies don’t need to be two parents and children. Fambilies can be spouses or partners. You don’t need to have children in order to be a fambily. I think that’s a very nice sentiment and I’ve chosen to adopt it for these purposes. Bobby and his wife Karen are a fambily. While Karen wants kids, Bobby chooses not to have them for fear of becoming like his father and repeating the trauma he inflicted on Bobby. Bobby and Karen’s fambily dynamic is ruptured in the same way that John and Mary’s is—by an intrusive, demonic force that brings Bobby into the hunting world and ends Karen’s life. But by the time we see him at the end of season 1, Bobby is already ingratiated into Sam and Dean’s lives as their surrogate father, and this bond only deepens as the show progresses. Bobby expresses the sentiment to Dean to not be like John, that Dean is already a better man that his father ever was. Isn’t that what we all want to hear? That we have superseded our parents and outgrown them in ways they could never comprehend? Don’t we just want to be better than the generations that came before us, in order to mould a better world for the generations that come after us? Don’t we want to make things easier for our children, and our friends’ children, and our siblings’ children? Dean is a better man than John, and Bobby is better man than his father ever was. It’s about breaking the cycles of intergenerational trauma. I have to believe that Sam, Dean and Bobby did this, because then it’s possible for me to do the same thing. Include here that speech about representation in media that I didn’t bother writing for the last episode. Bobby is the surrogate father to Sam and Dean, a better father than John was, a better hunter even. He crafts an entire network of hunters who report to him, as seen in the season 6 episode “Weekend at Bobby’s,” and he continues to act as Sam and Dean’s mentor until his death in season 7 “How to win friends and influence monsters”. An alternate universe version of Bobby is introduced in season 13, which I have my reservations about, and he and Mary get together, which again, why. Season 13 is so hard to sit through. 

A fambily that is introduced late into the series and is simply NOT given enough screen time is the Banes fambily. In season 12, “Celebrating the life of Asa Fox,” we are introduced to the Banes twins, Max and Alicia, who are by far the most gorgeous hunters we’ve seen in the series. They are hunters raised by a witch, Tasha Banes, who doesn’t appear yet, and they manage to survive the trial by fire that is overcoming the demon Jael. Later in this season, in the episode “Twigs and Twane and Tasha Banes,” both of which are written by the late great Steve Yockey, we are introduced to Tasha in a way that seems awfully familiar: Alicia calls Sam to say their mother has gone missing on a hunt, and hasn’t checked in in a few days. By the end of the episode, Alicia and Tasha are dead, and Max has ostensibly sold his soul for the power to bring Alicia back. The Banes twins’ storyline directly parallels Sam and Dean’s from the pilot, but it’s a tragedy from the outset. We already know Tasha is dead and they can’t save her, however, like Dean does for Sam at the end of season 2, Max chooses to save Alicia at the expense of his own soul. Spin off when. Banes twins series when. I’m waiting. They were in two episodes and I’m still thinking about them. The Harvelles are dust. 

In season 7, “Reading is Fundamental,” a waifish 17 year old honour’s student Kevin Tran breaks into a rehabilitation facility to steal a tablet. This starts a chain of events that ingratiates Kevin Tran in the apocalyptic, death-succumbing world of the Winchesters, starting with Dick Roman, head leviathan, and continuing, but not culminating, with his death at the hands of Gadreel, who was possessing Sam, it’s a whole thing. Any time you attempt to summarise anything on Supernatural, you sound like a lunatic. And I say that as someone who has a supernatural podcast, with an audience of only supernatural fans. We are lunatics, but we’re lunatics together. Kevin’s arc was cut way too short, but we at least got to see him with his momma Linda in the beginnings of season 8 with the unfortunately named episode “What’s up, Tiger Mommy?” It introduces Linda Tran as a capable and worldly woman, hell bent on protecting her son. She offers up her soul among other things in exchange for Kevin and the tablet with him. During the episode, she is possessed by Crowley, and Dean attempts to kill him, which would mean killing Linda as well. Kevin considers this the ultimate betrayal and leaves with his mum. Later in season 9 episode “Captives,” Linda is reintroduced as a captive of Crowley, who escapes with Sam’s help. Back at the bunker, she reunites with Kevin, who is now, thanks to the Winchesters’ incompetence, a ghost 👻. My macbook keeps suggesting little emojis in the smart bar so I just gotta put ‘em in. That’s the last we see of Linda, so I’m drawing my own conclusions about whether she gets to live a long and happy life. Kevin is a fan favourite and despite my reservations about Osric Chau which I will not get into like ever I really like Kevin too. He outsmarts Crowley many times and shows remarkable tenacity to get an impossible job done. His desire to see his mum again, the driving force behind his actions, mirrors Dean’s desperation to have his fambily together again like they used to be. I would call this a parallel but I don’t believe they purposefully did this, I just think they accidentally rehashed the same tired storyline they’ve been peddling since 2005. But yeah, if I was Kevin and all I had was my mum, seeing her again would be the driving force for my actions as well. Kevin’s father is never mentioned, and it honestly isn’t a big deal, which is great. Sometimes fathers are just absent, and you don’t need throw a hissy fit about it or make it your entire personality, Dean.

Missouri Moseley, played by the inimitable Loretta Devine, is introduced in the first season, episode “Home,” in which she helps out on a case involving Sam and Dean’s childhood house. We find out that Missouri is a long-time friend of John’s and helped him to understand that supernatural forces were behind Mary’s death. She is Sam and Dean’s first point of entry into the world of the Supernatural, and they didn’t know it until they meet her in “Home”. In season 13 episode “Patience,” another layer to Missouri’s character is added with the advent of her family: estranged son James and granddaughter Patience Turner, who is also a psychic. We get a lot of backstory for Missouri in this episode, even if it is sloppily written and contradictory to the way they initially set her up. If Missouri and James had been travelling when he was a child, why was she stationed in Lawrence in both 1983 and 2005? What did he mean that Missouri was hunting? I can’t be bothered unpacking the confusing bits of information presented in this episode. It’s not a good episode and I really don’t see why everyone goes apeshit for Bobo Berens. He kills Missouri in this episode, in a really horrible way. Like the history of Supernatural’s racism and misogyny should not be dumped on one man, but nor should it be perpetuated and it is continually throughout the entire show. Confusing, contradictory and badly written backstory aside, she is an interesting character, and her willingness to sacrifice herself to save her family echoes that of Mary in “Home”. I’m actually really mad that Patience never gets to have a relationship with Missouri, and later in season 13 episode “The Bad Place,” Patience’s father tells her that if she leaves to help The Winchesters and uses her psychic abilities, she’s not welcome back in his house. To me that’s just unnecessary. We have a family that has already been ruptured by the death of Patience’s mother, further ruptured by Patience’s father cutting off contact with Missouri, and then to go a step further he disintegrates their family unit by kicking Patience out. Like how much loss do the Moseley-Turners have to endure? It’s really just cruel at this point. But Patience does find family with Jodie, Donna, Claire, Alex and eventually Kaia, and while I love the concept of found family and this found family in particular, it comes at the expense of biological family, which is something that the show has pushed from the very first episode. So that’s evolution in itself. Going from “fambily is the most important thing to these characters” to “found fambily is where we find love” is great, but ripping apart a biological fambily like the Moseley-Turners, and indeed starting the episode by saying Missouri has been shunted out of her son and granddaughter’s lives for trying to bring her son comfort, is just fucked. Like, I couldn’t name a single Bobo episode that I actually like without having to comb through them. I’m trying really hard not to shit all over him because as a writer I know how much that sucks and I know how hard is it for any marginalised writers to get a start, but I’m allowed to have my vendettas. 

If you’ve watched the “Runs In The Family” angels MV from 2010, and only if you’ve watched the “Runs In The Family” angels MV from 2010, you will understand just how jacked up the angel family really is. The angelic counterpoint to Sam and Dean are the archangels Lucifer and Michael. We are introduced to two different versions of Michael—one in season 5, who possesses their dad in 1979 and their brother Adam in 2010—my god that was literally over a decade ago—and Apocalypse World Michael, played by four different actors: Felisha Terrell, Christian Keyes, Jensen Ackles, and Ruth Connell, who plays Rowena. I don’t know what in the hell Jensen Ackles was doing performance-wise when playing Michael, but I consider it a federal crime akin to drug trafficking or money laundering. As for Christian Keyes playing Michael, Andrew Dabb, you know what you did and you’re going to have to live with that.  

In season 5, during the apocalypse, Michael and Lucifer only interact in the last episode, “Swan Song,” but the entire season is built around their conflict. Lucifer disobeyed their father, and Michael as God’s most powerful weapon must defeat him. It’s meant to mirror Sam’s descent into, uhhhh, badness or something, disobeying John to run away to Stanford, or, like, drinking demon blood? It’s unclear. Lucifer and Apocalypse World Michael interact in season 13, and Michael kills Lucifer only to take over Dean’s body and start a season-long arc of, like, bad acting and barely thought-out plots. I would say to Jensen Ackles “don’t quit your day job,” but this is literally his day job. 

The angels as they’re introduced in season 4 are warriors of god, and all they know is obedience and killing. Even Cas can’t break out of the cycle of killing his angel siblings, and often justifies it by saying that it’s for the greater good, that he needs to do it to take down a stronger force like Raphael or Metatron. Anna manages to break free of her family by falling and becoming human, but when Cas betrays her and the angels capture her, she is lobotomised, tortured and sent back out to kill Sam. Then she’s burned to a crisp by Michael possessing John, not the last time a woman would burn to death on this show. The angels are dysfunctional at best, and actively hostile to each other, especially Castiel, the infamous spanner in the works. I could write an entire academic paper about how the angels think of Castiel as this rebel slut who murdered his way to the top and is going to be the downfall of angel kind, but Dean thinks of him as this little nerdy guy with a harp he carries around in his back pocket. Which honestly Cas would love because he’s obsessed with Dean and wants to touch his butt. I don’t know what else I can say about the angels without turning this into a dissertation, so I’ll continue on.

While all seasons of the show are about family, season six is especially about matrilineal family. It introduces the concept of the mother of monsters—Eve—and focuses on Mary as a solution to the loneliness the characters feel after her death. Samuel Campbell, Mary’s father, is brought back to life and manipulated by the promise of seeing his daughter again. He asks Sam and Dean what they wouldn’t do to see Mary again, which is kind of the general thesis of the show. What wouldn’t John, Dean and Sam do for each other? Dean sells his soul. John makes a deal with the demon who killed Mary. Sam teams up with Ruby to kill Lilith in revenge, which begins as a suicide mission because he doesn’t know how to handle his grief for Dean. The difference is that Samuel betrays Sam and Dean, his own grandchildren, for the promise of seeing Mary again. This cardinal sin alienates him from being a good guy, because good guys never betray Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean are our protagonists! Our heroes! The bringers of the light! The knights in shining armour! The white on rice. The cherry in cherry pie. They are the ones we’re meant to align ourselves with, because it’s their story the narrative is telling. And anyone who doesn’t align themselves with the Winchesters is an enemy who needs to be defeated.   

We’re introduced to the character of Gwen in the first episode of season 6, “Exile on Main Street”, and she says in the episode “Family Matters” that Samuel, the patriarch, doesn’t like her very much because she reminds him of Mary. While Samuel, Christian, Gwen and co are technically family, Dean has no connection to them past bloodlines. And as I said before, while family doesn’t end in blood, we learn throughout this season that blood doesn’t always mean family. Gwen dies in the episode “And Then There Were None,” because of course she does, and Mary doesn’t come back, at least not in this season. 

In “Family Matters,” the alpha vampire, played by the irreplaceable Rick Worthy, mentions that “we all have our mothers,” referring to Eve, the mother of monsters, the one who spawned every other monster and who has been trapped in purgatory ever since. Eve is pulled from Purgatory to wage war against the hunters and Crowley because they have been preying on her first borns, the alphas. I love Eve. I love her. She’s my favourite villain after Metatron. Mainly because I think she is like… sexy as hell. Like wow I am just so attracted to Julia Maxwell and this, like, bored smokey affect thing she does where she barely moves her mouth when she speaks and her strong brow makes her seem so intimidating. I don’t know anything about her personally, but I feel like she would’ve bullied me in high school, and I’m into it. It’s really hard to judge just from this one role whether she’s a good actor because Eve has such limited range and few things to do, but I really wish she’d gotten more screen time. Yeah, she’s doing the bare minimum and I’m completely obsessed. But Eve isn’t just a monster, she’s literally THEE milf. The original milf. And I really think she should’ve stayed around, but since they kept Lisa alive they had to kill at least one high profile woman. 

Continuing with the family storylines in season 6, Dean tries to establish a family with Lisa and Ben, and for the most part succeeds. He gets a job, plays the role of the doting boyfriend and stepfather, and protects them as best he can. I’m going to spare you the rant perched at the tip of my tongue about how this is at best a lavender marriage or staying together for the kid, and that Lisa only exists to be an ideal for Dean, not an actual partner he can grow with throughout the rest of the show. It’s his first attempt at a fambily outside of Sam, Bobby and John, and it fails miserably because Lisa isn’t a good match. The fact is, she will never be able to fit into the hunting world because of the way the writers wrote her—as mother and girlfriend archetype, and we’ve seen how well they do with those—in fact they actively paralleled it in “Exile on Main Street” where they had Dean hallucinate Azazel coming back and pinning Lisa to the ceiling. It couldn’t be more obvious that they don’t respect her. At least they didn’t fridge her for Dean’s man pain. It’s honestly horrible because Dean put so much effort into believing this was his one chance at happiness, and when it crumbles like a tim tam in hot tea he beats himself up for it and uses it as an excuse to never be happy. 

He does seem to be happy for the most part with Lisa, but because Sera Gamble doesn’t know how to write interesting or complex female characters, when Sam reenters the picture it once again becomes about the original premise: two brothers on the road, fighting the forces of evil. There’s no room for any women in that sphere. Up until this point I think—correct me if I’m wrong—there has been one female hunter who survived, and she was in one episode. The hunter Tamara in season 3 “The Magnificent Seven,” whose husband died in maybe the most sadistic way anyone has died on this show. Don’t rewatch it, just google it. All women die, including Mary, their mother, who is brought back in season 12 and killed in season 14. AND FOR WHAT? For WHAT Andrew Dabb.

Often, the loss of a parent, child or significant other is used to excuse bad behaviour and terrible choices. The hunting life causes Mary’s whole family to die before she can escape it, and because she makes a deal with Azazel for John’s life, the same demon John makes a deal with, Azazel kills her anyway. John abused his kids and brought them into the hunting life, because he was obsessed with getting revenge for Mary’s death. Sam does the same thing when Jess dies in the first season, and it starts a 15-season long arc of pain and misery. He sets Lucifer free in the season four because he is obsessed with getting revenge for Dean’s death and obsessed with the power drinking demon blood gives him. Then again, Sam is actually right for saving people by exorcising demons, which is literally the first part of the family business motto,  instead of just gutting them with the demon knife, but because Dean doesn’t agree with it, it’s bad. Sam always wants to do the right thing, he just gets a little caught up in the details. But you know what? Bloodfreak rights. 

When Cas dies in season 13, Dean is so overcome with grief, a grief that echoes John and Sam’s, that he mistreats Jack and threatens to kill him. In season 14, Nick, Lucifer’s vessel, boo snore hiss, kills everyone involved with the murder of his wife and child before he finds out that it’s actually Lucifer’s doing, and then he tries to raise Lucifer from the empty because he’s addicted to killing? Whatever, stop employing Mark Pellegrino. Stop writing men as obsessed with getting revenge 

The biological fambilies in Supernatural suck shit. Honestly every time I watch an episode about fambily I’m even more glad I don’t talk to mine. Dean and Sam need to spend some time away from each other, while they’re both still alive. Their fambily dynamic gets better as the show progresses, and I was pleased to see in season 12 that they do away with the codependency, constantly sacrificing themselves for each other, isolating themselves, betraying everyone they know for each other—they started to act like, you know, normal people. And that’s good. Sure, the show would not be anywhere without John sacrificing himself for Dean, and Dean sacrificing himself for Sam, and honestly that’s what made those first few seasons amazing. But after a while it becomes lazy writing, not parallels. A parallel that Supernatural pulled off is Sam comforting Magda in season 12 episode “The Survivor” in the way he needed to be comforted in season 1 and 2 as a psychic child. A parallel is Dean preparing Cas’s body for cremation in season 13  in counterpoint to the way Cas remade Dean’s body in season 4. This show can absolutely do parallels, some of the most beautiful parallels ever put on screen, but the last season was such lazy writing that I cannot forgive it. 

This has been an overall negative episode of Holy Hell, and that sucks. I don’t want to be so negative. I want to talk about the good things that Supernatural did, and share in joy with you all, so now I’m going to talk about the only positive I see with fambily in the entire show. 

For Dean, everyone older than him is a parent to disappoint, and everyone younger than him is a little sibling to protect. Cas is the exception, as there’s no way to define Dean and Cas’s relationship without acknowledging the reciprocal romantic ways they care about each other. Dean says on multiple occasions that Cas is like a brother to him, and that he’s Sam and Dean’s best friend. He actually drops the line, “After Sam and Bobby, you are the closest thing I have to family,” on Cas in season 6, and he acts like it’s nothing, but you can see in the expression on Cas’s face that Dean just recontextualised the entirety of Cas’s being in one sentence. Cas falls for Dean, gives up his family for Dean, and decides to follow him in the first act of free will we see on screen. And Dean, who has never known love without pain, says to Cas, you are fambily to me, I actively choose you, you belong in my life. But to belong in Dean’s life is to follow his plan, and when Cas doesn’t, he is punished for his hubris. Dean loves him, and he never even admits it.

Charlie becomes like a little sister to Dean, as does Jo. Jack is unequivocally Cas’s son, but becomes something of Dean’s son as well and some would argue Sam’s son. Claire becomes Cas’s daughter, but imprints so much on Dean that many, myself included, have come to consider Dean her father as well. If you subscribe to the idea that Dean and Cas are old marrieds, Dean would be Claire and Jack’s stepfather, and they would be a nuclear fambily all on their own. In season 14 “Lebanon,” when John says to Dean that he thought Dean would have settled down with a fambily, Dean says, “I have a fambily.” Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps.

Cas chooses to be a part of Claire’s life in season 10 “The Things We Left Behind” because he feels guilty about what happened to her after he possessed Jimmy, but after getting to know Claire he cares for her. The crime that is Claire and Cas not interacting after season 10, my god. That’s his daughter, you ghouls. But Claire and Dean do get more moments together. Dean, Sam and some British guy save Claire from turning into a werewolf, and Claire and the rest of the Wayward Sisters save Sam and Dean from the Bad Place. The Wayward Sisters are a found fambily all on their own, and since I could devote an entire episode to Jody’s little brood, I have chosen not to talk about them much, because this episode is at least half an hour, 34 minutes, and it would take up too much of my time. Claire is one of my favourite characters and I’ll be talking about her in the next ep, so stay tuned for that. 

Even before Jack is born, Cas becomes his protector. He goes from trying to convince Kelly to end her and Jack’s life, to being her pseudo-husband and the surrogate father to her child. To me personally, it’s the best thing this show has ever done. Cas, Kelly and Jack love each other in a way that is so wholly uncomplicated, that is so pure and so good. Once Cas becomes Jack’s protector, there’s never any question of whether they would hurt or betray each other. He is Cas’s son, his baby boy, and he loves Cas so much that he resurrects Cas from the empty. When they meet for the first time in season 13 “Tombstone” after Cas comes back, they fit into each other’s lives so easily. This is the part in writing this where I was absolutely sobbing my dick off. There are so many moments between them that show the kind of love that each of these characters deserved. Sam and Dean deserve to have that love from their father, and so does Cas. And together they build a family unit around caring for Jack that does indeed end the intergenerational trauma that plagues the Winchester fambily.

And that’s why season 16 is so important to me. I can make things better. Dean sorts his shit out, all of his shit: his alcoholism, depression, ADHD, borderline personality disorder, suicidal ideation, sexuality, gender, the fact that Cas is literally the love of his life and he gets to save him from the Empty the way Cas saved him from Hell. They plant flowers in the field where Dean spread Cas’s ashes in season 13, and they get married at Jody’s cabin with all their loved ones left alive. Claire walks Cas down the aisle and Jack is the flower girl, because he’s literally a three year old baby. Sam and Eileen raise a bunch of rugrats and the Wayward fambily continue the hunting legacy and have a Sunday afternoon roast every week. Dean and Cas raise Jack right, they cut up oranges for soccer practice and watch all his school plays. He and his cousins grow up knowing what it’s like not only to be loved, but to be looked after, to have all their needs met. They grow up normal, and the trauma that plagued their family is a thing of the past. It’s good, you know? It’s just fucking good.

[pointlesstrashyexistence]

I know other people have said it in better words but I really don’t understand how that finale was good. Ok bear with me. Yes I’m a destiel shipper but Cas not being in the episode and the confession not being acknowledged in any way aren’t even in my top 5 reasons for what I hate about the finale. I don’t even know if they’d make it into my top 10.

We had a bunch of episodes before the extended break due to Covid happened where Sam kept having dreams of Chuck’s ideas for how Sam and Dean die, usually by one killing the other, in other universes. And then in the episode with Becky, she talks about how sad and hopeless the ending Chuck writes is and there is this positive light put on how in her own fanfics, Sam and Dean are often just at the bunker doing regular things like bonding while folding laundry. And in the end, Dean dies and Sam lives the rest of his life with this deep sense of unhappiness without any of the other hunters and friends he’s made in the last few years that could help him and provide him some kind of emotional support. He’s just kind of going through the motions before he dies it seems like. And Dean just dies and goes to heaven and basically waits for Sam to die and show up. And as someone who, while I’ve never attempted suicide, became very depressed from around middle school because of constantly being in a space where I was told my sexuality meant I was going to Hell and wondered if maybe the only way I could escape that deep unhappiness and loneliness I was feeling was in death? The idea that death is the only release and the only time where you can achieve true happiness is horrifying.

Dean has always had scenes, even episodes built around him wanting to live some kind of apple-pie life and believing it’s something he can never have. Dean has always tried to provide for Sam and make sure Sam has what he never could, including Sam having an apple pie life. Dean always believed he was going to die young and while on some level some of that had to do with him being a hunter, it also had to do with his own issues of self worth. Why couldn’t Dean realize and accept that after all the horror and bullshit he’s dealt with, he does want to grow old and live an apple pie life and be happy and be better? Why couldn’t Dean have some version of an apple pie life? Not even with Cas, just some version? I don’t think anyone would’ve like Dean having a blurry wife, but Dean just owning a bar that becomes the Roadhouse 2.0 where he gets to see the Wayward Sisters and AU Bobby and AU Charlie every few weeks? Why couldn’t Dean examine why he’s become an increasingly worse person and realize he needs help? That would’ve been nice.

Sam seems to want it at first only because he wants to be normal and then realizes that not only is he really good at hunting, but he actually enjoys it, maybe even more than Dean, and he steps into this leadership position later. He still wants a relationship (I will never forget you Eileen. You are an awesome character and its horrible that when very little deaf and hard of hearing representation exists and you were shown as not only a serious love interest but an amazing independent hunter who realizes her revenge won’t bring her happiness and continues to find her happiness after revenge only to be brushed aside and ignored). However, it seems like if he did it would’ve been way more integrated into his hunting life. Because having a family and hunting aren’t mutually exclusive. Bobby and Karen would’ve had children but couldn’t. Jo lived a happy loving childhood with Ellen and her father until John used her father as bait, and Ellen continued to love Jo and tried to get her to leave hunting for her safety. Jody takes care of 3 teenage girls who are either active hunters or want to be involved in some way. Why couldn’t Sam be a leader and in a relationship? Why couldn’t Sam have a wife and child like he wanted, except him having a family is not because he’s chasing a sense of normalcy but because he actually wants one?

These were things the two of them wanted but doubted they could have. In a world where a god is no longer controlling you, a conventionally attractive middle aged white man with access to large amounts of money and many issues they want to work through but haven’t been able to because of multiple apocalypses, what else do you have stopping you from pursuing the things you want other than yourself?

Now I know there are a lot of fans who didn’t like that the show centered less on Sam and Dean’s relationship. Yes, the show, at least in the first 5 seasons, was exclusively centered around Sam and Dean. The last 5 haven’t been though. Yes, the show went through many different directors in the 10 seasons after it was originally supposed to end and that is why. The last 5 seasons still have Sam and Dean’s family slowly extending, even when they seem to become shittier people. I’m not saying the last episode shouldn’t have focused on Sam and Dean’s relationship because that was the original centerpiece of the show and remained one of the key features. But why did it seem like they could only be happy when they were dead in heaven even when the two of them still have things they need to work out.

Even if the last episode wanted to exclusively focus on the two of them, why couldn’t we see them actually have a time where they’re alive and doing this? Supernatural starts as a show with two fucked up brothers and ends with those same brothers killing the god they realize has orchestrated almost every aspect of their and are now trying to learn what a life free of control means. Why couldn’t the last episode have them actually sit down and reflect on the people they’ve lost throughout their 15 years together? Why not have them discuss how horrible they’ve been to each other over those years, keeping secrets, gaslighting each other, intentionally doing things to harm each other, and deciding to end the cycle of trauma from both sides of their family by seeking help or maybe indefinitely separating themselves, realizing that they have the ability to bring out the best and worst in each other?

I would prefer much happier endings, but if we were continuing with the idea of kind of a return to the beginning, of bringing Supernatural back to its grassroots as a show about two brothers, why not have the show that started by their reunion end with their separation? It still pulls at the heartstrings, it still hits the notes it needs to, it’s hopeful, it focuses on Sam and Dean, and it ends with them recognizing that as much as they love each other, they have an unstable unhealthy relationship and without a god pulling the strings it is now up to them to decide if they want to leave this relationship to grow mentally and emotionally and seek out the help the other can’t provide. The last season was all about them trying to take control over their lives back, so show what happens when they actually have full control and deny the audience access to what they then do with the rest of their lives because they refuse to be seen as entertainment.

[ilovefanfic86]

Supernatural S15E20 “Carry On” Series Finale

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

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Warning!!! I am going to be very emotional in this post. I kinda still am. There will also be plenty side noes. 

I knew they would play that version. (Grabs tissues)

They were babies. 

Bobby will always be the dad the boys desrved.

Sam was so damn buff in “Lazurus Rising”.

I like how we get to the old characters/actors.

It feels like they wanted to make us cry before the actual episode.

Here we go...

 *Deep breaths*

Lol!! “Ordinary Life”

Dean kept Miracle!

THANK YOU JARED!!!

I’m Sam making the bed.

I loved this montage of Sam and Dean living a free life.

The title card for the last time.

Pie Fest!! 

Finally Someone brought up Castiel.

*Side Note*

 What Dean said makes sense. Them honoring Cas’s sacrifice by being happy and free is what the should do, but fuck that.

What is this purge shit?!

They are SINGER AND KRIPKE!

Haven’t seen John’s journal in forever. Its beautiful to see that they still have to use it.

Evil mimes = Vamp mimes Thank you Dean.

Well its clear that Jack brought back everyone. Good cause I was worried about Garth.

I don’t trust this plan.

Dean and his ninja stars are too funny.

Yea, clearly a trap.

*Side Note 2*

I am feeling a little let down with the “MOTW” storyline. It’s not what I was expecting. Hopefully this goes somewhere.

Damn! Sam got his ass scooped up.

Wait... What? Jenny? I barely remember her.

Oh... Well bye Jenny.

DAMN IT DEAN!!!!!!!!!!!

I FUCKING HATE THIS SHOW!!!!!

Dean telling Sam that he is proud of him.

STOP!!

I am truly speechless right now. Dean is really dead.

Poor Sam. He had a hunter’s funeral with just the dog.

My heart is really broken right now.

Thank you Donna.

*Side Note 3*

I noticed that the call is from Texas. Like “Walker: Texas Ranger” Lol!!

I am having anxiety watching Sam leaving the bunker. 

The Table...

*Side Note 3*

How did Dean fight the universe’s ultimate badasses and was taken out by a FUCKING NAIL!!?!?!?!?! 

Dean and Cas deserved better.

Dean is in heaven. 

BOBBY!!!

Wait... What did Jack do?

So, no more reliving life’s greatest hits?

Rufus is with Aretha Franklin and John and Mary live up the road.

Harvelle’s Roadhouse.

CAS HELPED JACK MAKE HEAVEN FOR DEAN!! SO CAS IS IN HEAVEN?!?!?!?

Except... WHERE THE FUCK IS CAS?!?!?!?

There’s Baby! With the original license plate.

Sam had a baby and named him Dean!

I can’t see the woman on the porch? Is that Eileen?

Little Dean has the possession tatt.

OH GOD SAM IS ABOUT TO DIE!

An acoustic version of “Carry On...” Who said that this was okay?!!!!

Is he going to meet Dean on the bridge?!!

“Heya Sammy.” 

After watching the episode a few more times and reading the lastest gossip about the finale. I do have some opinions on the matter. Some of you may agree and some may not. These are my opinions and thoughts. 

Given all that has happened this year I am grateful that they filmed anything. They risked their health and the health of their familes, to get us the finale. I appreciate that. However, there is clearly somethings that were amiss. 

First, Dean. (a.)At first I was just completely hurt about his death. I was so mad that he was killed by rebar because of a lame ass vampire. I get the angle that they were going for with it. Now that Chuck isn’t writing their lives anymore, they don’t have plot armour anymore. Basic shit can hurt them now. Just like when the didn’t have any “luck”, regular people shit happened to them. So, if you fight in a barn around random ass rebar sticking out, you’re bound to get hurt. 

(b.)Social Media. I get on Twitter and Supernatural is trending. But, not because of high praise. No. It was because a lot of the fandom felt cheated by the finale. Which is how i felt at the time.Then that Jensen did not like the ending. That he thought that the ending was going to be different than what we got. Granted that they couldn’t go full out because of the virus. If I am correct, Jensen said that they would go out “Butch and the Sundance Kid” style. Plus they edited so much of the episode “Despair” that him and Misha felt that the charaters were cheated. Also Jo (Alona Tol) and Ellen (Samatha Ferris) Harvelle were not asked back. Which I thought was strange. 

(c.) What happened to all of Dean’s earthly possessions?

Seceond, Sam. (a.)Sam’s life. I am glad that Sam got to live a long life and have the family that he always wanted. I know that because of the pandemic we couldn’t shoot everyone together. That being said, Did Sam marry Eileen? We don’t see or hear from her. The only glimpse of his wife is on the porch and its so far away we can’t tell who it is. Also in Sam’s montage, we see a lot of pictures inside his house. But not one of his wife. It just seems rushed is all. 

(b.)Sam’s aging. I am not okay with the wig that they had Jared wear. It looked like a Party City wig. Again, rushed production. But, I do forgive them for a shirtless Sam/Jared. THANK YOU!

(c.)Sam’s heaven. This may go into the plotholes area. When Sam goes to heaven will he see Jess again? Jess was the love of his life and he said that he still thinks about her.

Third, Castiel. (a.) Misha Collins did a amazing job as Castiel. His performance in “Despair” really broke me. That being said, Cas deserved better than the show gave him. A few mentions in the last episode. But no one is really talking about the fact that Cas confessed his love for Dean and it was completely ignored. We just know that Jack got Cas out the Empty and they both made a new heaven for Dean. Does Cas and Dean ever see eah other?

(b.)Destiel/CasDean. DESTIEL BECAME CANON! This was a huge thing for the SPN fandom. People who have never watched the show were interested by this. This made 2020 a little more enjoyable. Now, I know that there are some that are against Destiel. That is your right and opinion. However, it is now plain to see that Cas has always had the feelings toward Dean. And they are not on a platonic level. There has been years of evidence to this. Sam and Cas’s relationship is not the same as his and Dean’s. Naomi programmed Cas to kil Dean but couldn’t once the time came. From angel to demon, Devil and God has all said at one point or another that Castiel was in love wth Dean.. Whenever Cas died on the show, Dean spirals out of control. He always tries to find something else to get his mind off the fact that Cas is gone. Does Dean feel the same for Cas? I’m not sure, but I lean more to that he does. I have always believed that Dean was Bisexual. He’s been seen checking out men on the show. I just wsh that they would at least acknowledged it. 

Fourth, Plotholes.(a) There are so many plotholes after the finale that I need answers to. I have too many to put on here. I will put those in a different post. 

For what the finale was, I liked it. It did fall a little flat, but if I just focus on the fact that they both got the ending they deserved.

 2 brothers, hunters, Archangels vessels, Men of Letters, Legacies, Knight of Hell, Boy!King, ‘Messengers of God’s Destruction’, Dads, Heros. Thank you.

Sam and Dean Winchester... There is peace, now you’re done.

(not my gifs)

[whateverthedragonswant]

and the rewatch continues

So rewatching most of season 5 and dipping into season 6, after coming from season 4, I found some things very interesting, things I actually had forgotten about and some that just hit differently now that the show has ended:

Season 4:

Brothers - different iterations: Had that finale happened after this season, it might have made better sense (though I STILL say the manner of Dean’s death is laughable)

Destiel & Cas: While Cas and Dean have some uncomfortable staring contests and there’s chemistry, I didn’t get the whole Destiel vibe (this is just my personal take), yes there’s a bond there, a growing partnership so to speak but I feel like Cas is not around enough for it to be in the forefront of the story or even to demand Dean’s attention in a way. Like Cas made his big entrance in 4x01 and we saw how things took off from there for the story and for this connection/bond between he and Dean but Dean is early season Dean and Cas is early season Cas. Though I found Cas’ interest in everything Dean Winchester to be intriguing (and he put Dean back together with his own hands, I just...this really does become the greatest love story ever told, I swear), I personally didn’t get the whole UST vibes that has been talked about. I actually found myself wanting to go deeper into Cas’ story (a la 6x20 style) aside from Dean’s and Sam’s. 

Anna: That whole night with Anna was purely that: a night. There wasn’t a whole lot of chemistry between Jensen and Julie and it’s very clear that this whole sex-on-last-night-on-earth thing is for comfort, for both characters. I kind of get why they switched up gears there for Dean’s angel role, even if they didn’t intend for Destiel to read as romantic at all initially. 4x09 & especially 4x10 were so obviously trying to ying and yang the brothers and the sides that had chosen them/complemented them: Anna | Ruby, Heaven | Hell -> eventually Michael | Lucifer. But back to Anna, while I enjoyed her character and would have loved to delve deeper with her, I am glad Cas was the one who got to stay. Anna and Dean had no chemistry, outside of a couple of glances before the big hookup/last night on Earth deal, there wasn’t really anything there. Tbf, they didn’t have a lot of private time before that, except maybe one convo. To me, in this scenario, Anna was a source of comfort (after she tells Dean he needs to forgive himself for what happened in Hell which I very much appreciated, someone had to tell him that) and attraction, letting her have her last night on Earth, a hookup, etc. But there was nothing deeper there. And for this bond with an angel to happen, there needed to be something deeper there. Perhaps had Anna been around longer and didn’t go the way she did in season 5, it might have but I honestly tend to doubt it. We all know Cas and Dean’s (Misha’s and Jensen’s) natural chemistry is off the charts. I’m not sure Anna (Julie) could have competed with that had both Cas and Anna stuck around together. I know I’m completely biased here, but I almost felt like Anna and Cas had more chemistry together, it might have been because they got more face time, I’m not sure. But I thoroughly enjoyed watching it all go down again.

Adam: Omg I forgot about how Adam wasn’t Adam when Dean and Sam first met him. That was heartbreaking on so many levels, but mostly for Adam and his mom dying the way they did and of course, for Dean and Sam. Namely Dean because he was the most affected by finding out about Adam’s existence. And I swear I fell in love with Dean more in that episode as a character because despite his pain, his anger, his hurt, he still tries to do the right thing by Adam, to honor his dad’s wishes. And John...that mf’er doesn’t deserve any of those boys as his sons. What an asshole through and through. 

Season 5:

Destiel & Cas: And now we see Cas becoming a bit more forefront and the vibe has changed...slightly. Now it’s a partnership turning into a friendship. Dean and Cas get a bit more face time and it shows. 5x03 was awesome and of course the wholly unnecessary line of “One, Bert and Ernie are gay” -- like where did that come from? I still loved it. It was tough to see Dean and Sam go their separate ways in the beginning but we still got some gold out of it with 5x03 and 5x04. And thankfully, we get more into not only more of the angel and apocalypse lore this season, but we also get to see how Cas’ relationship with the Winchesters is changing and more of what makes Cas tick as a character in his own right. And of course, bamf!Cas was very present. 

Brothers: Once again, had that finale happened after this season, it might have made more sense (sans the junk death) - because it’s very obvious that the co-dependency is alive and well here and it would have made more sense for their characters - while they have others outside of the two of them they are caring about (Bobby, Ellen, Jo just to name a few), it’s still the exclusive Winchester-only club. I truly enjoyed watching these two working together and moving towards the season finale. Dean’s memory of Sam and the fireworks, Dean talking about how Sam’s best memories weren’t the same as his (shocker, John Winchester is a d-bag, I’ll keep saying it), Dean struggling to make the decision to say yes to Michael, having to agree with the plan for Sam to say yes to Lucifer to try to trap the latter, Dean showing up to the cemetery -- all of it was incredible and the two of them were the beating heart of the show at that point. 5x22 will always be one of my favorite season finales for that show. It was pure awesomeness, truly epic and perfect.

Dean: holy hell, they really, really threw a lot into Dean this season - not that they hadn’t before, but damn. Each season just amps up the Dean game, just like I remember, and I am happily here for it again. No offense to Sam at all, but Dean is just so complex, so complicated yet straightforward, and there’s so many layers to him that they just keep peeling back and they feed us well each season. I swear, if you turned the sound off and just watched that scene where Dean tells Zachariah to call Michael, where Dean and Sam go their separate ways, you would know exactly everything Dean is feeling and thinking thanks to the incredible talent of one Mr. Jensen Ackles. Just really incredible. How this man never got nominated for an Emmy at any point for this show just astounds me. Yes, I know that show wasn’t considered a contender for that type of award run, but dammmnnnn. He deserves it and more. Watching this season and season 4 really brought back the original reasons I fell in love with Dean as a character in the first place. One of the best characters ever, I’m telling you. And may I just say, I hated that they brought back John’s leather jacket for him in the season finale but I get it, it was Kripke’s swan song (did I just do that? I believe I did) so we of course went back to core Winchester things, not just in story but every element. I’m ngl, I was so glad to see Dean shed it though when he is sitting down to dinner with Lisa and Ben.

Apocalypse: I thoroughly enjoyed this whole plot line - this really was high stakes, more than ever before, and though angels were dicks, there was Lucifer of course and a mysterious though mostly absent God behind the curtain - you just never knew what was going to be thrown at you next, just like the boys were going through.

Heaven/Mary: even though this definitely has to do with Dean more so, I did enjoy them seeing Ash and Pam, Ash’s setup, and of course Mary being there, seeing how such a good memory could be manipulated by the dick angels and the horrible things Mary said to Dean. Of course, I felt for Dean but it was interesting to see that whole scene play out. Plus we got even more confirmation of what we’ve known all along: John is a bonafide asshole and Dean really did experience facets of spousification, even before Mary died (which just makes me so sad for him, I swear if they don’t put a Cas vs John scene in the reboot... because you know Cas will win that thumb war)

Meg: ngl, I wasn’t really crazy about this iteration of Meg - I don’t mean Rachel Miner’s version, just this particular performance, which I chalk up to whoever decided they wanted her to go this route in her performance - I couldn’t believe it was the same character, the same actress - I am so glad the show/Rachel developed the character we all love to hate and secretly really love to how she was in later seasons

Jo: omg Jo. I have to admit, in season 2, in the first episode she showed up in, I despised her. She was like that bratty teenage kid who’s a real pain in the ass and whines and doesn’t get it. But after that episode, I grew to love her with each one she was in. She became a bamf in her own right and I loved seeing that come through this season especially. Her death was horrific (what is it with this show killing off bamf female hunters in such a gruesome way? it brought back horrible Eileen flashbacks for me personally, and for them to turn Meg and Ketch into somewhat redeemable characters after that... you know, I swear...) but heroic and I had never been more proud of my girl. Except the scene with Dean in the kitchen. As much as I love my chaotic hunter son, I was glad to see Jo flip him off in the way she did. So proud. And then her goodbye with Dean, I had forgotten exactly what he did so I was going “omg, she just saved you, Dean, this girl has feelings for you, she deserves at least a kiss, kiss her. right. the fuck. now!” and sure enough, he did, on the forehead, which I was like okay, well I get it, he doesn’t return those feelings but he does care about her but dammit, she deserved for him to plant one on her. and then he did and I was just gone, I was a complete bawling mess. And her goodbye scene with Ellen, and then her death along with Ellen’s sacrificing herself to stay by Jo’s side and give the boys a chance to get out of there...yeah, I didn’t stop crying for about five minutes. I cannot tell you how much I miss those characters and I would have sold someone else’s right arm to make their return in the series finale happen. Besides the obvious characters that should have been present, Ellen, Jo, and Ash deserved to be there (just not Samantha and Chad, if we can get a “Cas helped” for the third major character/lead, we can also get a “Ellen and Jo went to assist in setting up the honeymoon suite above the roadhouse - I said what I said).

John: usually, I cannot abide giving any time to this jerk, never mind talking about him, but I have to say I enjoyed seeing pre-loss John in 5x13. That conversation he has with Sam I think is so glaringly important. I know it was for Sam to forgive John and heal, but the fact that John himself is saying “how could he do that to you? he was supposed to protect you” -- yep, that was pure poetic cinema in my eyes. Because pre-loss John is right, how dare post-loss John do that to his boys? There’s no excuse anyone or this show can give him. As much as I love JDM, post-loss John Winchester will never be okay in my book.

Adam: omg Adam. First of all, I loved his dynamic with Sam and Dean. I really, really wish we could have had him around longer just for that alone. What an awesome character we could have had giving Dean and Sam a run for their money. “Well, we’re working on the power of love.” “How’s that going?” “Not so great.” -- give me an episode of the three brothers on a milk run hunt (sans generic mask-wearing vampmimes) with all of the fixings and I swear we would get done!Sam, consistently being roasted between Dean and Adam, and then Dean thinking he’s got a mutual now, a BFF, and Adam turning right around to roast him as well. It would be epic, I tell you, epic. I wish Adam had gotten a better end, this season and at the end of the series. He certainly deserved better. And this may be a random observation but why did Michael take Adam at all? I know the countdown had begun and he was desperate to grab a vessel so he could fight Lucifer at the appointed time and Dean was not giving in (that he knew of), but what chance of victory did he think he had without using his true vessel? Using that logic, I guess Michael’s end in the series makes more sense now...? Who knows.

Chuck: Swan Song (5x22) and the lines, “Endings are hard. Any chapped ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning but endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There’s always gonna be holes. And since it’s the ending, it’s all supposed to add up to something. I’m telling you, they’re a raging pain in the ass“ -- did anyone else feel like that was Kripke speaking or is it just me?

Season 6:

the whole Lisa thing: while it was nice to see Dean go domestic, I have to say I was more invested in Dean and Ben’s relationship development than I was with Dean and Lisa’s. The chemistry just wasn’t there, I have to be honest (he and Anna actually had more chemistry for a few minutes than he did with Lisa this whole season). I don’t doubt they loved each other, it was real, and Lisa was good for him at the time but it just didn’t have that spark. I loved Lisa as a character in her own right, but I was happy to see her and Dean eventually go their separate ways. Though my heart broke for Ben on that one. He and Dean really had a whole father-son bond happening there. I appreciated that when Ben called him, even that one time that nothing was really wrong, Dean dropped everything and headed right over. They had a bond of their own happening outside of Dean and Lisa’s. I think Dean ultimately made the right choice in the end to keep Lisa and Ben safe (though they should have been able to choose if they wanted this), but God did that cost him and we see it in that scene outside of the hospital with Sam. How much that hurt for him, and for us to see how it killed him to do it. I’m still grateful that he got to see what the domestic life was like and that he got a reprieve from hunting for a bit. It made complete sense as to why Cas didn’t want to pull him back in to ask for help with Raphael.

Destiel: Welp, now there’s definitely an emotional relationship happening. Meaning the bond has become even more forefront and not only is Dean affected, but we also see that Cas is, too. Dean’s reaction to finding out Cas was working with Crowley the whole time, Cas’ reaction to Dean choosing to save the two boys instead of focusing on finding Eve, Cas’ reaction to Dean’s stance on the Crowley situation, Dean’s finding out Crowley kidnapped Lisa and Ben, Cas asking Dean to trust him, Dean seeing Cas becoming the new God and needing to summon Death, etc. It was fantastic. While it hurt during some moments, I enjoyed seeing the dynamics and reactions to these situations play out. This is definitely a friendship now, a family relationship formed (and still forming) like Dean says in 6x20. Imho, Jensen and Misha knocked it out of the park this season when it came to that relationship. I loved it.

Cas: holy hell, 6x20 has become one of my all-time favorite episodes of SPN. I loved seeing Cas’ POV. Cas was already a fave character of mine but this episode made me fall in love with him all over again. This was incredible and I’m so thankful they fed us so well with this one. I really enjoyed seeing Cas as a character stepping into the forefront, right there with Dean and Sam. Yes, he was a part of TFW before this, but you have to admit that in this season, it becomes a whole new ball game. Really amazing stuff and of course, Misha slayed it all.

Meg & Megstiel: I was so happy to see the iteration of Meg return that we know from later seasons. Maybe I’m just too used to that version but to me this felt more effortless for the character and for Rachel, that really let both shine. Personally, I’m not a Megstiel shipper. While I love their dynamic, it just isn’t there for me, but I really did enjoy their scenes together. Cas felt as if he needed a little shaking up so to speak so I think she was perfect for that. Plus, I have a hard time forgiving those in the show that sic Hellhounds on my bamf female hunters so that might be partially the reason for my bias, just saying. (I never really forgave Ketch either)

Samuel...& Co: I just...why? Don’t get me wrong, I liked Mitch but this felt a bit...I don’t know...off? Other than some place for Soulless!Sam to go while Dean was playing house and for nabbing Alphas for Crowley, I don’t get what the point of this story line was? Was it to show us that Mary’s dad was a d-bag? Check. Was it to show us how people sometimes make the worst decisions when it comes to their family? Double check. Like, we kind of already got that and it was just unnecessary confirmation if that makes sense. And the thing that kills me is that Samuel was in Hell (or goes to Hell, I kind of did other things in the background during that arc) but he loved his daughter enough to betray her sons and do the wrong thing but John gets to go to Heaven? This still confounds me. Though I enjoyed Gwen and it was a shame she couldn’t be a family contact in another state for the boys later on to pop up every now and then.

Soulless!Sam: I enjoyed this part of Sam’s arc but I won’t lie, I was relieved like everyone else when he finally got his soul back though waited with bated breath for the other shoe to drop. But it was interesting to see this side of Sam.

Dad!Dean: I know I mentioned Dean and Ben above, but that one episode with the shifter!baby, that was priceless and God, did I love it.

I just loved going back to this for both boys

[the-trashy-phoenix]

Supernatural season 5 review (part 1)

Link to part 2:

At the end of the previous season, as you remember, we were left speechless by all the plot twists happened in the last episode, leaving us on a cliffhanger. Of course we already know the aim of the entire fifth season will be stopping the Apocalypse, but we don’t have a clue, and neither do Sam and Dean at first, about how they’ll manage doing it, and that’s the whole point of this part of the show. As always, stopping the evil forces is not the only obstacle the brothers have to face, as there’s also a relational problem between them. This one is maybe the biggest so far, considering Sam himself caused the whole mess, to use an euphemism, they have to clean and will surely cause unpredictable tragedies all over the world (through the episodes, characters often refer to natural disasters). Sam’s guilt is nearly unbearable, and if we consider how considerate and kind he is we can assume it’s deadly painful for him, but that’s not the worst part. That’s not the reason why Dean can’t forgive him. Deep but not so deep inside he’s mad at his brother and can’t trust him because he refused to follow him and his advice and decided to trust Ruby’s plans. As always they’re both right: no one could say how evil Ruby was as she did a very good and long-term job in hiding it, and Dean himself trusted her, but the point is Sam made a choice and Dean can’t bare the fact that the only person he could really rely on chose someone else, especially because Sam’s choice proved to be extremely wrong. So paradoxically the real problem between them is not the Apocalypse, as Dean knows Sam would have never cause it on purpose, but the lack of trust, which is very difficult to restore (especially because they never maturely talk about it and they just do when they explode with anger and resentment) and which by the way prevents them from focusing properly on saving the world.

Moreover, the villain the world must be saved from is the worst you could imagine, Lucifer. This brings the fight on a superior level, as hell forces, now on earth, fight with heaven creatures, the angels we’ve met in the fourth season. The brothers are in the middle of this epochal war in the deepest sense, as both angels and demons want them on their side. Sam and Dean don’t know what to do, but they’re sure they will never ally with anyone, which is quite complicated because they’re deeply connected to both sides in an interesting way. As a matter of fact, in season four we've found out that not only Sam began the Apocalypse breaking the last seal, but also that Dean unintentionally started the whole thing breaking the very first seal when he accepted to torture souls down in hell. This makes Dean feel so guilty as well, and should make him consider Sam less responsible of the Apocalypse, and at some point he does, making it the real turning point in his view, as he realises they’ve been both cheated by angels and demons who made them their puppets assuming they would obey without arguing. Also, the brothers get to know they’re even more involved in the fight: Sam is Lucifer’s vessel, which means he’s the strongest human being able to carry the demon, but of course he has to say yes and he won’t, and Dean is Micheal’s vessel, which means he’s the only instrument angels have to make the archangel powerful enough to fight Lucifer and hopefully win the war. Sam’s choice is easy, as there’s no doubt Lucifer is evil, but still he has to bear a lot of pressure from Lucifer himself and his faithful demons who keep bothering him, Dean and Bobby the whole time.

Dean’s position is a lot more complex: he knows he’s the only hope to defeat hell creatures, but he’s also learned to be suspicious towards angels and would rather die than do what Zacharia wants, as he is not quite the type of person who easily forgives someone who’s been so mean to him. Somehow their only choice is quite clear, breaking free from both angels and demons and begin their own fight against all of them to stop the Apocalypse and save as many people as possible, as they seem to be the only ones caring for them. I think they know it from the beginning, but it’s a great step to take and before jumping into it they have to go through a process of inner growth, understanding how wrong it would be to take a side and how they just have each other to count on, even after all the lies and misunderstandings they’ve been through. After some time they’re ready to start their own fight, choosing carefully their soldiers in the people they trust the most and making an exception just for Castiel. He himself also went through a deep process of growth during which he becomes more and more human, both physically and spiritually, and brave enough to follow what he thinks is the right path despite the pressure from the angels, who are his family, and even if Sam and Dean’s idea of fighting against all supernatural creatures is desperate.

Of course Sam and Dean’s decision is sometimes not so firm: I’ll mention Dean’s temporary choice to say yes to Micheal, because it gives a great view of Dean’s inner self. He knows saying yes to Micheal means dying, so before leaving his body he goes to say goodbye to Lisa, his ex-girlfriend he met again some seasons ago, and tells her that she’s the only one he would imagine to be with in an hypothetical happy life. This scene really broke my heart because it’s one of the rare occasions in which Dean admits he dreams of a normal life, which could seem boring if he hadn’t experienced all the pain his life as a hunter brought him, free from the fear he constantly feels (and tries to hide in every way) and from all the burdens he has to carry every day. Dean seems even somehow happy to die, and it’s clear he hates the hunter life more than Sam, even if it’s the most important part of him. I appreciate so much Dean’s constant growth and development through the episodes and the increasing insight of his personality (which is, together with Sam’s, the most complex in the show) moving from the prototype of the narcissist and sexist guy to a deep and grown man.

In this season we also meet several times the other hunters who always keep in touch with and help Sam and Dean. Of course Bobby is still part of their team, and his storyline is developed as he has an accident that makes him lose the use of his legs. Castiel can’t help him because he’s lost his powers and Bobby cedes to deep depression. He feels more useless than ever and would do anything to have his legs again, considering how this is a huge handicap in his fully active hunter life, so he solves his problem the only way every character seems to know, making a deal with a demon. This one is particularly important as he’s a complex character whose intentions are not completely clear from the beginning, Crowley. He of course is a demon, and a very powerful one, but happens to help the Winchesters apparently without any reason giving them the Colt, the only weapon that could kill Lucifer (but it can’t, and the brothers will find out too late). I think this character will be a great source of satisfaction going on with the show.

Talking about hunters, I can’t but mention one of the saddest moments of the season. During the first attempt to kill Lucifer with the Colt, also Ellen and Jo get to help the “team free will”, as they’ve become full-time hunters after the destruction of their Roadhouse and are committed to the fight. Things don’t go as planned and the two women get killed by hellhounds aroused by Meg. Their death arises Sam and Dean’s guilt for all the good people dying to help them (and eventually they didn’t even manage to defeat Lucifer this time), because they refused to serve as vessels and chose to fight their own way. They still think that’s a good choice, but they have to constantly live with the burden of all the deaths they cause.

One of them keeps on tormenting Sam from the first season. He could never forget his guilt for Jessica’s death, but it becomes even more painful when he finds out she was meant to meet and love him and to be killed by demons from the start. Even his college best friend, who had presented Jess to him, was a demon, so that Sam was never destined to a normal life, even though he had tried so hard to build one, and everything that ever happened to him was meant to lead him to his predestined future, to become a hunter just as the father he had always wanted to break free from. This shocking revelation makes Sam cut once for all the hopes he had to stop being a hunter and to have a family one day: he now knows for sure he’s cursed (like his brother, who on the other hand can’t really let go that idea of a family) and understands he has to face his destiny without running away ever again.

I particularly liked the character of Chuck, the prophet, who can see in advance what will happen to Sam and Dean and help them, and Becky, the most dedicated fan of Supernatural, the series of books Chuck has written about the Winchesters. They also come together with the metanarrative of Supernatural itself, as Chuck wrote the books before knowing the whole story was real, and even after knowing it they keep on organizing events, such as the convention involving Sam and Dean themselves in episode 9, to bring together fans. At first it’s a bit of a shock, both for the protagonists and for us, but you get easily used to this mechanism of the show reflecting upon itself and it’s quite fun. I’m not a TV series expert, but I found this feature so original and kind of self-ironic I think that’s one of the elements which makes Supernatural unique.

Supernatural also touches kind of theological and philosophical themes through the narration about heaven and angels, focusing on their ambiguous morality, but in the fifth season also God has a space. At first he’s mentioned to justify Castiel’s resurrection (he had died at end of the fourth season) and at some point he seems to be the only one who is powerful enough to stop the Apocalypse and the war, but no one has seen him in years. The archangel Raphael says he’s dead and, when Sam and Dean go to heaven (which by the way wasn’t how I expected, as it’s just a place where you relive your happiest memories), Joshua tells them he’s alive but he doesn’t care anymore about his duties. That was quite predictable, but still it makes the brothers even more angry and hopeless, knowing that the angels are following orders from this God and that he has created humanity and forgot about it straightaway. This perspective about God is clearly made to make people think, and reflects how most of them feel about religion and Evil, which cannot be satisfactorily explained by the traditional idea of theology and free will (which by the way is the evocative name the brothers and Castiel give to their team). Sam and Dean need to find a way to reach their purpose to save the world and by doing it they can’t count on God or a good superior creature, but as always they can only count on themselves and do better than God himself did (which shouldn’t be too difficult).

Just when everything seems to be lost, an unexpected character, the Trickster, reveals himself. After giving us the last of his extremely funny and weird episodes, the brothers find out he’s the missing archangel, Gabriel: he’s an outsider in his family who broke free not to fight against his brothers, like Lucifer did, but to live a peaceful life far from all angels and demons’ issues. He’s neither good nor evil, because he doesn’t want to take sides, but it’s so clear he has a preference for Sam and Dean and kind of mirrors himself in their desire to follow their own path outside what heaven and hell have decided for them that he helps them explaining how they can defeat Lucifer. They have to collect the rings of the Four Knights, War, Famine, Death and Pestilence, to re-open Lucifer’s cage, but to do so Sam has to say yes to him and hopefully succeed in leaving it before falling down to hell. Of course Dean is not sure about the plan and doesn’t want his brother to do that, but they both know it’s the only way to stop the Apocalypse; also Sam is well aware of all the risks, but somehow feels it’s his chance to redeem and clear up the mistake he made. In one of the last scenes of the brothers together, Sam makes Dean promise the sweetest thing: he will not try to bring him back if he fails, and he will live a normal life with Lisa and Ben. The final fight ends really badly, as both Lucifer in Sam’s body and Micheal in Adam’s body (he’s the closest relative to Dean and the brothers, even if they tried, couldn’t protect him from angels, as another proof the Winchesters are cursed in their blood) fall and go back to Lucifer’s cage. I thought Dean would have never respected his promise, but the season unexpectedly ends with a peaceful scene of an ordinary dinner table where Dean, Lisa and Ben are happily eating as a proper family. But just when I thought the shock couldn’t be worse, the camera shows us we’ve seen this scene from a particular point of view, Sam’s. How can he possibly be back? What will he do now? We will surely find an answer in the next season…

- Irene 💕

[fandomstuff67]

15x20 Thoughts

I’m going to be talking about 15x20 and what I thought about it so if you don’t want to read a long text post then keep on scrolling.

Okay, first things first, I liked it. I didn’t love it, but I liked it. I think it was fitting and I think it worked. Dean always wanted to go out on a hunt, that’s how he wanted to die, he knew he wasn’t going to live to a ripe old age and he was okay with that (I’m not saying we have to be okay with that, I’ll touch upon that in a moment, but Dean was happy with the way he went and I think we should remember that).

I’m glad Sam got a family and the Winchester name is being carried on. I loved that he named his son Dean and I’m going to assume that he was with Eileen because there’s no reason to assume he wasn’t. I just think they couldn’t get Shoshannah back so they used that awkward long shot instead. 

Before I dive into what I think could have been better and what I’ll forever remain mad about, I want to say that we’re allowed to dislike the episode, we’re allowed to feel mad about it and let down but please, please, do not attack the actors. They don’t get the final say in the end and they gave incredible, award winning, performances. So please refrain from directing hate to them and asking them how they could let this happen. And most importantly, on Sunday when Misha and Jared have their panels, please be respectful, they’re going to be emotional and they’re going to be nervous because they’re seeing our reactions, even if they don’t respond, so they know what we’ve thought, and so far all I’ve seen is hate and not one post about it being good. 

We’re also allowed to like the episode, and for those that 100% loved it, remember their feelings are valid, please don’t come at each other’s throats.

Ironically, with that being said, I’m going to talk about what I didn’t like. 

So, first off. Dean’s death shattered me. I don’t think I’ve ever cried that hard, I physically couldn’t breathe. Dean is my favorite character and watching him die like that absolutely wrecked me. 

I’m so torn about this scene, because on one hand, that’s how Dean wanted to go, but on the other hand, that was a shitty way for him to go. Killed by a fucking nail? In a barn? Just no. He deserved so much better. SO.MUCH.BETTER. This is Dean fucking Winchester, he defeated God’s, and devils, and angels, and demons, but this is how he goes? I’m not buying it. And his speech to Sam, while it was beautiful and I loved it and Dean was being so brave and vulnerable and proud of his baby brother, it was a little... off. The head touch was a bit too wincestie for me. That head touch shouldn’t have been there, if they were going to do a head touch like that, it should have been with CAS. 

Speaking of Cas. He should have been in that episode. There is NO EXCUSE. Covid is not a valid reason for his absence. They brought back our Bobby but not Cas? Castiel who has been such an important part of this show for so many years? Cas who confessed his love to Dean and who subsequently died right afterwards? And now, apparently he’s out of the empty and helping Jack with heaven, but we don’t get to SEE him? That is wrong on so many levels. I needed a DeanCas reunion, I needed it so badly. 

I firmly believe that Cas was supposed to be there (we’ll know eventually when the pre-Covid script is released and we learn what the changes were, and if that’s not the case then really, what the fuck? Like actually I’ll be even more mad). I also believe that Ellen, Jo, and Ash were supposed to be there too, in the roadhouse and there was going to be a reunion, John and Mary too, but because of Covid they couldn’t. 

I think it would have been very fitting if CAS was the one who welcomed Dean into heaven (stay tuned I will be writing this fix it fic). I needed Dean to acknowledge his feelings, I needed there to be more of Dean grieving. Don’t get me wrong, the montage in the beginning was amazing and I loved it, but they shouldn’t have been that happy. We know how devastated Dean has been in the past when Cas died, I find it very hard to believe he moved on so quickly, it just seemed so out of character. I needed them to talk more about Cas, about what he said, and what Dean thought about it. But they couldn’t even give us that. They literally buried their gays and dusted off their hands to a job well done and I cannot accept that. I have to ask the point of the love confession if it wasn’t going to be reciprocated? If it wasn’t going to matter in the end? I’m so unbelievably disappointed that they gave us that and nothing else, they didn’t even talk about it, or mention it. Did Sam ever even know what really happened? Cas deserved better. He deserved to be told he was loved, which he never heard, and no matter how many fix it fics we write, that will forever remain true and I hate it. 

Cas. Should. Have. Been. Back. I will forever stand by that. 

Sam’s ending worked. I liked it a lot and I wouldn’t change it. He deserved his happy ending, he deserved to be a father, and I’m so glad he got that.

However, this show is about family and how it doesn’t end in blood, and yet in the end it was all about blood. I’m genuinely so disappointed about that. That was like a slap to the face and I can’t believe that they decided that instead of ending the show by proving, once again, that family don’t end in blood, they decided to go back on everything the show has been about, everything that has been the core of this crazy little show that could for so long. 

They could have done so much better, and they should have done so much better. We deserved better.

So, after all of that, my final thoughts are as follows: 

I liked it. I really did. Were there things that should have been changed? Yes. HELL YES, but I can’t be entirely disappointed about the ending we got because it did fit, and it was beautiful.

The only thing that really would’ve made it better was having Cas there. All they had to do was give us Cas and I’d be happy with the ending. I’d be happy with Dean dying on an old nail in a barn, if we got Cas in heaven with Dean. But we didn’t, so I’ll never be truly happy with the ending, I’ll never be satisfied. But I will take what we got because in the end, this is the show that has brought so many people together, this is the show that’s taught us all valuable lessons, and this is the show that we all love so much it hurts. 

And remember... nothing ever really ends, does it? 

There are doors that were left open for a movie, even if they’re just set slightly ajar, the Winchester brothers, and their fallen angel, can return to us in the future and maybe everything they fucked up will be fixed. But for now... we must carry on.  

[samclownchester]

The day is June 15 2020

The time is 3 am

The situation is that the world has fallen into a pandemic of Covid-19, and my job closed down in March, leaving me with lots of time on my hands. Despite my doubts, I fell back into Supernatural, deep into it, and I am now rewatching it. I thought it would be fun to try and see how much I could remember from earlier seasons before I watch them all

I have watched up to 1x14 at this point, so those episodes are fresh in my mind, but lets see what else I remember

Season 1

“Dad’s on a hunting trip, and he hasn’t been home in a few days”

“Saving people, hunting things, the family business”

Sam’s girlfriend dies just like his mom did

Their dad is the point of the season but is only actually in like 3 episodes

Sam and Dean break up but get back together

Sam has VISIONS and moves things with his MIND

Meg is a demon, Sam has a bit of a crush on her

They find their dad, but don’t kill the demon

colt

Season 2

Dean dies in a car crash, John sells his soul for him and dies

Bobby Singer is best dad

Ellen and Jo and Ash exist

Purple Nurple

Gordon?

Lots of psychics! Sam can make friends??

Jk, it’s the hunger games

Sam gets stabbed in the back

Dean sells his soul for him

They kill Azazel I think??

“I have … demon blood in me?”

Season 3

Saving Dean from his demon deal

Groundhog day episode where Dean dies everyday

Gabriel?? (trickster)

Blonde Ruby (let’s hear it for Laurel Lance!)

Very short because there was a writers’ strike that year

Hell hounds

Season 4

Dean was “gripped tight and raised from perdition” by Castiel

Sam has a new gf! (Surprise, it’s Ruby in a new body! :o)

Why does she pretend to not know Dean when he first shows up? Is she lying to Sam about who she is this whole time?? Hmmm I wish I remembered

Time travel?? (Sam doesn’t get to come ☹ )

Demon blood

Demon blood detox ☹

Let’s kill Lilith

“Because it had to be you Sam”

“The boy with the demon blood”

Season 5

Dean is the Michael sword

Sam is messed up, trying to quit demon blood

Cas rebelled, and he did it, all of it, for Dean

Adam Winchester is a person who exists

Also I think this is the season with Jesse the antichrist who never shows up again it’s fine.

He only existed so they could have important conversations about nature vs nurture which honestly they should’ve just saved from when Jack was born but they didn’t know that was gonna happen

More time travel??

Future

Cas likes drugs

Team Free Will

Samifer

Fall into the cage

Dean goes to live with Lisa and Ben

The end?

Season 6

Cas is working with Crowley and spying on Dean but not talking to him like the pining idiot that he is

Dean can’t help but inspect monster happenings in town

Soulless!Sam

Dean finds Soulless Sam

Hanging out with some old dude?

Get Sam’s soul back

Meet Death?

Find out Cas is working with Crowley

 O: Ultimate betrayal

???

Season 7

Leviathans

Godstiel?? Why?? Idr

Hallucifer

Please give Sam therapy

Sam goes to an asylum

Cas takes Sam’s trauma??    

More leviathans

Dick?

Charlie!

Kevin!

Garth? Did we know him before. Idk, we know him now

Dean and Cas go to purgatory!

When does Cas die and walk into the lake? That’s before they go to Purgatory, right? Hmmmm but how does he come back

 Cas is Emmanuel and has a wife? Is that in this season?

Season 8

Dean gets out of purgatory!

But no Cas

Sam had a girlfriend and a dog! Nice!

Not nice, he ignored Kevin and didn’t look for Dean

Like they agreed on, but whatever ok sue him for trying to be happy

Dean has a vampire boyfriend

Not so high and mighty about killing every monster are we now, huh Dean?

Right? I don’t remember, this is a conversation that happens though

He does end up killing Benny though, doesn’t he? huh

Cas is back from Purgatory! But he’s got Secrets ™

“I’m gonna become a hunter”

Then he stays in the old folks home and next time we see him he’s all wacky and likes to watch the bees?

Megstiel

You’re just playing sorry

Am I right?? I don’t remember, but all of this happens at some point

Who even is the big bad? What are we fighting? Idk

Oh we have to save Kevin from Crowley and he reads the demon tablet. Only eats hotdogs, doesn’t shave. I love him please keep him safe.

Spoilers, they don’t

Right! The trials, Sam does the trials, they “purify” him

The angels fall, but Sam doesn’t complete the trials and almost dies.

Season 9

Sam almost dies, Dean is like “right, nonconsensual possession is clearly the best answer for this”

Human!Cas, he drinks lots of water. Steve.

§  “you can’t stay here” :o

Abaddon I think?? What was the point

Crowley is sort of our friend now and I think we meet Rowena? Idr

Kevin dies ☹

“What is the upside to me being alive” – Sam

§  Maybe in this season, maybe not. Who knows?

Cas is a cannibal (eats grace) and becomes and angel again at some point

§  Hannah exists

We all hate Metatron

Cain??

Metatron stabs Dean and Sam puts his dead body on the bed

Demon!Dean

Season 10

Demon!Dean and Crowley are living it up!

Sam and Cas try to cure Dean

Charlie and Rowena interact a lot I think

Book of the Damned

When did they find the bunker? Men of Letters? All that? Idr, anyway they have it at this point

Dean kills lots of people

Charlie dies ☹

Dean blames Sam which is unfair and I hate it

They get the mark off and The DarknessTM is release

Season 11

The Baby episode exists

Really weird sexual tension between Dean and Amara while she’s still kind of a child, no one knows why. Please stop.

Cas gets called expendable and then makes poor life decisions

Lbr, though, Misha is the only other one who can play Lucifer with the same spirit as Mark Pellegrino. Sorry Jared, it’s the truth.

Eileen!! <3

Chuck is God :o

Let’s kill Amara!

Except we don’t kill her, she just needs to bond with her bro.

Here, have your mom back

Season 12

Mom????

British Men of Letters

Lucifer F*cks

Boy I didn’t think this would turn into what it did, let me tell you

Winchesters escape from Federal Prison

Cas says “I love you”

But like, the plural you. No homo.

Sam admits he lost his drive to lead, then finds it again and leads hunters against the dang brits! Hooray!

Oh shoot Lucifer wants custody of his kid!

FIGHT

Fatality – Castiel

Fatality – Mary

Oh no wait she didn’t die she’s just trapped.

Season 13

Jack jack jack jack jack

3 dads, all at various levels of dadding

Actually 2 excellent dads, one dad who is too emotionally damaged to dad but he tries sometimes

Yeah Cas pisses of a cosmic entity. That won’t come back to bite him

Jack just wants to be good

Wayward sisters was not picked up which sucks

Apocalypse world

Rowena is our friend now

Custody Battle!!! Who wins? Not Lucifer

We saved the day! And a ton of people

Literally they made a whole deal of the people being like “We won’t leave our home or our cause” and then they got back to Sam and Dean’s world, didn’t have archangel grace and were just like “meh, actually this place is cool. We don’t have to worry about going back”

Psych! We’re not done yet! Luci wants his kid

And Michael wants his planet

Season 14

Michael! Dean

Jack dies

But it’s ok, we fixed you, just don’t use your powers

Oh shoot he used his power

Nick is somehow alive

In love with Lucifer

Burn his ass!!

Oh Mary disapproves

RIP Mary

RIP Dean being a father, now he’s gonna murder

Hi Chuck, nice of you to show up

Oh no.

Season 15

Chuck sucks

Dean and Cas break up ☹

Sam has visions again

But he’s not psychic, it’s just the piece of his soul inside Chuck

Resurrect your girlfriend! Yeah!!

Jack is eating hearts, but it’s ok, Death told him to do it.

Garden of Eden?

Get your soul back boy!

 And cry

Honorable mentions (Aka these happened but idr when)

Sam falls in love with a werewolf and then has to kill her and MAN Jared really brought the tears

AU where Supernatural is a TV show

Finding out Supernatural is a book series and the author is Chuck!

Crowley becomes helpful mostly

Crowley has a son??

 Meet grandpa

Ellen, Jo, and Ash die

Bobby dies

literally everybody dies

Kill Hitler

They meet that Jewish guy with the Golem who pretended to flirt with Dean at some point.

Jimmy Novak was a devout man who deserved a lot better than he got

Claire Novak is so cool

She moves in with Jody

When do we meet Jody? She’s just always kinda been there?

Gabriel, I don’t remember anything about Gabriel

The council of the Gods’ happens and then I think Gabriel dies in that episode?? Idr

The Four Horsemen

Death, Pestilence, War, Famine

“You’re not hungry Dean”

 I literally do not remember what was happening with these guys

Also, they killed Death, killed a reaper, that reaper became the new Death. I remember when all that happened I just didn’t feel like putting it in the timeline.

[spnsimpleman]

The Unknowns: Thirty Eight

This is a continuation for The Unknowns.  A one-shot turned into a long ass Prologue.  One   Two   Three   Four   Five Six   Seven   Eight Nine   Ten Eleven   Twelve   Thirteen   Fourteen Fifteen   Sixteen   Seventeen  Eighteen   Nineteen Twenty   Twenty one   Twenty Two   Twenty Three   Twenty Four   Twenty Five  Twenty Six  Twenty Seven Twenty Eight   Twenty NineThirty Thirty One   Thirty Two   Thirty Three  Thirty Four Thirty Five   Thirty Six   Thirty Seven

Dean x Psychic!reader

Teaser/Summary: An AU sparked from a songfic challenge, The Unknowns is based on Season One Episode Nine, Dean met reader in Lawrence as a child and they created an unbreakable bond. At the end of The Unknowns, reader decided to stick with her boys because she felt something coming but she holds secrets; one she holds close to her heart and a few that she doesn’t even really know yet.

Word count: 5759

Lines from All hell breaks loose Part two in bold

Jess took a final look at the bed where Y/n should be sleeping and waved her hand over the doorway before stepping through. Y/n had already spoken with Dean and everyone thought she wasn’t going with them to the cemetery. They all believed she was sitting this one out and sleeping through it. She couldn’t believe that Y/n had convinced them all so well, even Pamela, but she did catch a few looks on the older woman’s face that didn’t quite fit with someone with no idea of what was going on. Pamela knew Y/n better than anyone except maybe Dean. But then, maybe that was why no one was giving it a second thought.

Maybe she would be more worried, more convinced this wasn’t the right path if she had never seen Y/n unhinged. That girl who drowned in fear, guilt, worry, and old books was terrifying, but this, no, this was a woman on a mission. Maybe she didn’t see that mission as clearly because she was never around John, she didn’t live through it, but she understood her friend’s need. That need to take a burden away from someone she loved at any cost, no matter how steep.

Y/n had played her role well, going along like the medicine that Pamela had used for days was working just like it should and the fog Dean felt through the bond was completely normal. Jess looked down at the drops of blood on the inside of the doorway, the spell holding them in place should be enough to keep even Dean from knowing that she had climbed out the window and left them all behind. She prayed that this didn’t end with her regretting her actions. She prayed to whatever or whoever would listen that this would all work out for the best. She didn’t feel repulsed by it which was a good sign, but the lack of a guiding hand wasn’t reassuring.

Hadn’t they had enough suffering? Hopefully, they had earned some help or at least an easier battle after all they had sacrificed so far.

Sacrifice. Jess thought she knew what that word had meant but she didn’t really, not until she met Y/n and really understood what they did, how they lived. When she rode in Y/n’s skin for a day and felt for the first time in her entire life that she had someone she could always count on, no matter what. She loved her parents and understood what they gave up for her to be able to have the privileged life she lived. She knew they would give their lives for hers if that situation ever came, but she couldn’t envision it. With Y/n and Dean and Sam, it was easy.  That didn’t make her parents sacrifice any less significant, but it bound her to her chosen family in a very different, visceral way.

She shook her head and wiped the melancholy from her mind. She had things to do and she couldn’t be moping around for something that might not happen. This would work and they would fight. They would win. No more sacrifices for this demon. Azazel was at the end of his rope and they would make sure he took nothing else with him. Too many had given everything for this to end any other way.

She made it to the bottom of the stairs before Sam almost collided with her. A small smile lifted some of the shadows in his eyes. “Hey,” his hand brushed her side and he pressed a soft kiss to her mouth. “She asleep?”

Jess nodded, “hopefully she sleeps through the night. I left two water bottles and her painkillers on the nightstand. And a small blunt stick for the itching so she doesn’t try shoving a butter knife into that cast again.”

Sam chuckled and he brushed some hair off her face gazing into her eyes, “you’re amazing.”

She grinned and leaned into him, “thank you, it’s natural.”

He wrapped his arms around her and held her against him, “we’re so close. I’m having a hard time believing it.”

“Close to what?”

“To finally ending it.” Sam pulled back and looked down, “I can finally see the end of this damn tunnel and it’s almost too good to be true, you know?”

Jess frowned, “what do you mean?”

He sighed, “it’s just been a really long time and I feel like we finally have a really good shot of ending it this time. The demon will be dead and we can have some normal again.”

Jess searched his face, “Sam… after the demon’s gone, there will still be cases, people that need help from the monsters they don’t believe in.”

Sam nodded but his brows drew together, “I know but…” his voice trailed off.

“I can’t just turn my back on this, Sam. I can’t ignore it or pretend I never saw what I’ve seen, what I’ve learned.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, “I know.” But his arms were tighter when they wrapped around her. “I’m not asking you to forget or… I don’t know. I just thought… I always hoped that I could go back to school and finish what I started.”

She held him, remembering what Y/n had said about lying to him and what gave her pause about asking Jess to take on this role. Sam had lost a lot but this was not something she could pretend. She knew Y/n’s story, her time of trying to live what other’s called normal. It didn’t work out because she couldn’t forget, she couldn’t turn it off and become numb to what was going on out there. 

“I guess, but could you really see yourself just being an ordinary lawyer after all this? I can’t just be a teacher after this, Sam. If I see something in the paper or on the news, I won’t be able to sit still and hope someone else deals with it. I’d hear a rumor and feel the need to check it out and drive myself crazy. I know you want that normal but… this is my normal now. I can’t turn my back on those kids… you know I wanted to work with kids who faced challenges but this… this is a whole other level.”

His arms tightened, “I know. We’ll figure it out. I’m not letting you go and I won’t force you to settle down or anything. I’m just…”

She patted his back, “I know. It’s been a really long road for you guys. It is a good thing to finally see the end of something that has haunted you your entire life. Justice for your mom and… dad.”

Sam pulled back and looked at her, “you okay?”

She nodded, “yeah.” She gave him a small smile, “just… do you want some coffee?”

His brow drew together, but then he slipped an arm around her shoulder and they turned toward the kitchen, “yeah. Dean just brewed a new pot.”

Jess steadied her breathing and focused on the floor as they moved into the kitchen. She sat at the table as Sam got them two cups of coffee and brought them to the table. Dean and Bobby were in the study looking over the pages of satellite images of the cemetery that Sam had printed out earlier when Y/n was down here playing her part. Now, it was her turn.

She glanced at Sam, he was looking at Bobby and Dean as Ellen and Pamela walked back into the study. Jess wondered just what Pamela knew. She didn’t believe for a second that the woman didn’t have some idea of what was going on. The two women joined Bobby and Dean at the table, helping them plan the best way to take down Jake depending on which way he entered the cemetery.

Would they plan differently if they knew it was Y/n walking into that cemetery with a damn good reason to open the doorway? Would they change their minds if they knew that’s what the cemetery held? Would they let her open it if they knew why? Would Sam and Dean understand?

Sacrifice. It just kept coming back to that.

“You sure you’re okay?” More than simple worry had seeped into Sam’s voice.

Promise me you won’t lie to him. He wasn’t asking if Y/n was really upstairs sleeping. He wasn’t even asking if she was lying to him. She gave him a tired smile, “it’s just been a crazy few days. And possibly one more. Just one more of this demon’s craziness. Hopefully.” She couldn’t look him in the eyes.

Sam’s hand closed over hers and lifted it to this mouth. He pressed a soft kiss to her palm, “hopefully.” She met his gaze for a moment, he smiled against her palm and then his gaze flickered back over to the table.

“If you want to go over there, I really am fine. I think I might just close my eyes right here for a bit. Might be better for this headache instead of the coffee right now.”

Sam searched her face then smiled, “okay.” She saw it in his face, he knew there was something else, but he pressed a kiss to her forehead and then stood up. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

She nodded and watched him walk over to the table in the study then laid her head on her arm facing their way. Five heads bent over a map and pasted together satellite images. If everything went to plan, Y/n and her plan that is, then everything they were planning would fall apart.

She closed her eyes. She just needed to buy Y/n enough of a head start because she was right, no one needed John’s eternal torture to be held over their heads for the rest of their lives. He’d sacrificed enough. They all did.

A loud bang shook her, but a fog held her down. Commotion erupted and she sat up so fast she knocked over something near her hand. Dark liquid rushed over the table. The coffee. It was cold now and spilling onto the floor but no one noticed. They were all staring at a newcomer.

“I said where is she?! She should still be in that hospital but they said she requested to be released against doctor’s advice!” Y/n’s mother. Shit.

Jess looked at the clock, she had slept for over an hour. She looked back into the study, Pamela was talking to Y/n’s mom but someone was missing. Dean. Where did he go?

A door slammed upstairs and Jess flinched. She was staring at the stairs waiting for Dean to come storming down but there were eyes on her. She looked over at Sam and met his gaze. He wasn’t the only one looking at her. Fuck.

“Jess?” Sam’s voice was wary.

“Yeah?”

“Did you hear me?”

Dean strode down the stairs, “she’s gone! Where the hell would she have gone?! Why does it feel like she’s still up there! How is that possible?!”

Sam was in front of her, his hands on her upper arms, “Jess?”

She looked up into his eyes and thankfully didn’t see hurt, “she had something to do and she…”

“Jess?” Dean snapped, “do you know where she is?”

Sam turned, blocking her from his brother, “why would she know?”

“She was the last one up there! Y/n would tell her things she maybe didn’t want us to know!” Jess knew what would be in Dean’s eyes. She had prepared herself for it. She stepped to Sam’s side and took his hand. Sam squeezed her hand and she sighed.

“She had to do something that you couldn’t be involved in. Don’t ask because I won’t tell you. She said it was her story to tell, that you would understand and she would tell you when it was done.” The weight of their stares was heavy on her. Sam stepped closer to her and she was so grateful for it.

Y/n’s mother stared at her and she remembered something that Y/n had said about feeling her dad that night when she was arguing with Pamela. She remembered how small Y/n felt when Dean was dying, how empty Y/n’s body was just days ago because Y/n had latched onto Dean. She tried to see Y/n’s father but she never did get the auras that Pamela talked about. “You know your daughter would do anything for her family and she knows what she’s doing.”

Pamela sighed, “pack up what you need, we leave in five.” Pamela looked at Y/n’s mother, “you’re invited to go as well. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing her there.”

Bobby and Ellen moved immediately while Dean’s jaw clenched and he turned away. Pamela walked over to Jess and put a hand on her shoulder.

“I had to give her time.”

Pamela smiled, “I know, honey. You did good.”

“Did you know?” Sam asked Pamela.

She tilted her head, “I may have had an idea but no, I didn’t know exactly what she had planned.” Pamela squeezed Jess’s shoulder then walked away.

Sam pulled Jess into him and hugged her tight. “She knows what she’s doing, right?”

Jess nodded against his chest, Sam leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She whispered, “but she will need our help. She’s got the colt and she’s going to open the gate to free your dad. Then she hopes to kill the demon with it.”

Sam’s arms tightened, “that crazy… she always has to be the protector. Wait, what about Jake?”

“He’s dead, she said she put a timebomb in him. I don’t know what it means and I’m not sure she does either. Don’t say anything to Dean, please.”

“Yeah. Not touching that one. She can do that. He reacts better to her.” He took a deep breath, “shit.”

“Yeah. That’s why we need to go. I gave her the time she needed to get a headstart. No one else is going to let her open that gate but she said it was the only way for that vision to work. She has to free your dad, Sam. She was adamant about it.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything different from her.”

“Dean would still try to stop her. That’s what she thinks.”

“She’s probably right. Come on, let’s go help our girl.”

Jess looked up and smiled. It was grim. She couldn’t help it, part of her still worried she’d see her best friend dying before her eyes again. Sam kissed her, full of promise and determination and she let it pull her up and energize her.

He broke the kiss and gazed into her eyes, “let’s go make sure this crazy plan succeeds.” He grinned and pulled her out of the room.

~~

The night had settled in and spread a thick fog around the old iron rails. I hadn’t seen any demons but felt them nearby festering. “Too many.” I wondered again what Jess would tell them. If anything could prepare them should Azazel decide to use the demons to attack once it was possible. 

I had gone over every word of the deal he had given but demons knew how to slip through cracks, how to word just so to make one feel confident they’re getting the best deal. No demon makes a deal it can’t wiggle through should the winds change course.

I sucked in a breath as I finally saw the gates to the cemetery not far ahead. The hulking structure in the back just peeking out of the dark from here. I walked with careful steps taking in everything with thoughts of John heavy and yet murky as well. Thoughts of my father unsettled and tied to my mother just to see this all through, just to see me through. Of Mary who sacrificed to try to save Sammy and who knows what else. She knew too much not to know what was going on. I wish I could ask her.

I pushed the gates and they swung open with ease.

Would Mary tell me this was the right thing to do? I think she would have done it. I think my father would have too. John already gave his life and his soul for Dean but this was different, I wasn’t so much giving my life as signing up for something brutal. No matter the doublecross I had in mind if it didn’t pan out the way I wanted, I had signed myself up for Azazel’s army and probably helping with the destruction of the world as we know it. Azazel wanted Sam too. He would come and stand by my side because he wouldn’t allow me to go it alone.

“What the fuck am I doing?” I froze and leaned against a tall obelisk. “Would he really appreciate us putting him above others? Innocents and civilians? He devoted his life to protecting others when he joined the Marines… he devoted everything to protect those who didn’t know so no family would have to go through what they did. What if...”

A shock zipped through me and I jerked off the statue staring at the flat side as it tapered up to a point. There was nothing there, just cold stone carved in an old image of arguably Egyptians deepest belief; rebirth or the beginning and the end. Mourners placed it here in all-consuming suffering but at the end of that tunnel, there was relief because they believed their loved one was resting off this mortal coil and no longer suffering. Either that or they began their new journey. The suffering ended. There was peace for the loved ones, that’s supposed to be the next step. The part where healing can take its place for those left behind. The natural end to the cycle.

I turned at glared at the mausoleum, “what about us, huh?” A large stone on the ground caught my eye, I ripped it up and threw it at the door, “did you ever stop to think what it would do to him? To us? To know that every breath we draw comes with your agonized screams?!” A sob tore out of me and I slapped a hand over my mouth.

Pieces of a memory hit me hard and choppy. I swayed back against the obelisk.

“I need your help. If I’m right about this, then this is exactly what your dad was on to and if I have to give myself up for them… then so be it.”

“...worried about you being with a hunter. He knew what was at the end for us and he didn’t want that for you. I don’t want that for you.”

“Well, does anyone give a shit what I want? Huh? What about Dean? What if we are the god damn answer to this whole thing? What if Sam, Dean, and I are supposed to be together and that’s the only way this could ever end without the whole fucking world going down with it? Huh? Maybe we’re the answer! The fucking unknown colt trio. Did you ever think of that?”

“Then let us do things our way. That’s the only way we have any power. Don’t you see that?”

“...let us do this our way. It’s our time. The dragon slayers have done their job and it’s our turn.”

That old familiar smirk of his, “the dragon slayers, huh? It’s your game but I still have my part to play.”

I opened my eyes, blinked to clear the blur and ignored the tears. I turned and stared at the jagged star in its circle, the one thing that could bring John home. “No one gets left behind. Right, John? That was your code,” I pushed off the obelisk, “the code you drilled into us for years. No one left behind. I may not have known back then but you’re right, somewhere deep down, I felt it.”

I pulled the gun from my jacket as I stepped up to the door, “a good soldier deserves to be returned home. That’s our job.” Even if I have to go into the devil’s playground to bring his soul home, no one gets left behind. “I’ll clean up the mess, don’t worry, John. We do things our way but the dragon slayers still taught us most of the rules.” I pressed the tip of the gun to the hole and closed my eyes on a deep breath.

“Y/n! Stop!”

I jerked at Dean’s shout and looked over my shoulder. He was running toward me, others further behind.

I blinked away the tears, “it’s the only way to save him and you! The only way to finish this.”

He slowed as he got closer, “what? No, it’s just gotten into your head.”

I shook my head, “no. You can hate me all you want but I can’t handle you hating yourself. I’d rather have you hate me than allow this weight to drag your soul down until it’s all that’s left. It crushes you more and more and you try to fight it, but some days it’s going to win and each time… it will kill you a little more until I have nothing of you left. You have to let go and the only way you can is if we free your dad. He deserves to come home, Dean. He deserves to rest.” I shoved the gun in and Dean’s arms wrapped around me. I jerked the colt to the side just as Dean’s front molded to my back.

Two plates around the keyhole spun madly, a jumbled mess until it would stop and line up perfectly. We stared, frozen in place knowing what would come but not quite believing. It slammed into place with a loud clank.

“Oh, no.” Bobby was only feet behind us.

“Shit.” Pamela.

“I had to,” the words shook out of my mouth. Dean’s arms tightened before his right hand grabbed the gun and then he turned me away from the door.  

Pamela looked me right in the eye, nothing but understanding and sympathy. “I know.”

“Take cover now!” Bobby yelled and everyone moved.

Dean grabbed my hand and we rushed to the nearest large headstone. Dean dropped and pressed his back against it while pulling me to his chest. I stared into his eyes and the shockwave blew through us knocking me against him because his grip refused to let me go. I had expected judgment at least, but there was none.

Everyone yelling to each other, I heard Sam and Jess, Bobby and Pamela, Ellen and even my mother. But I was only focused on Dean and the conflicting emotions swirling and dying as the few I knew best with him rose.

“I had to. I’m not sorry, the dream… this was the only way your dad could get out.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” He kissed me, hard and possessive. There was fear in there but also understanding. Something I never had to worry about with him but still always hurt when it had to come from this. I made a choice and I stuck by it even though it hurt so damn bad to leave him out.

Sam jumped up from behind his stone and ran by. Then Jess, Bobby, Ellen, and Pamela ran past. Dean helped me up then looked at the gun, “are the bullets in here?”

“They weren’t there at first but I checked again after I crossed the iron rails and they were.”

Dean opened the chamber and turned it once, we both looked inside. “They are.”

That cold hand slithered up my spine, “something’s…”

Dean turned and pulled me behind him then raised the gun. Before he could pull the trigger, it flew out of his hands and into Azazel’s.

“Boy shouldn’t play with daddy’s guns.”

Dean flew into the air and I reached for him screaming his name. His head smacked a gravestone before he hit the ground. I rushed to his side, the demon was talking over the noise but I couldn’t hear a word. There was a roaring in my ears at the sight of the blood pouring from Dean’s forehead. NO!

I dropped to my knees next to him, “don’t move.” But Dean tried pushing to his feet and pulling me behind him again. “Damn it Dean, listen to me!”  

Dean’s eyes narrowed and then I was ripped from his grip and slammed on the ground. The tree above me blurred and the world tilted. “No...” I groaned and tried to scramble to my feet tipping over once before steadying. Azazel was squatting in front of Dean whose back was pressed into a tombstone. I stumbled forward, toward Dean, “you said we’d be safe!” I landed in Dean’s lap and Azazel reared back and stood. “Off limits for a century!”

Dean’s eyes bore into my back. I could feel it searing, his mind protesting the words he clearly heard. What are you..?

I winced at his words and the demon grinned. “I said you and Sam would be safe. My king and Queen, leaders of my army.”

Dean growled in my head. I growled in return, “no, you said whoever I desired would be safe. You offered protection.”

“That was the offer on the table before and during camp crystal lake, Princess, but you didn’t accept until after. Offer expired.”

Dean grabbed at my leg and tried to pull, but he was still pressed against the stone, “get behind me.” I could almost feel the ache in his jaw from him clenching his teeth. His anger was boiling over into me.

The demon raised his hand and shoved me to the side, ripped out of Dean’s grip again. Dean roared against clenched teeth as Azazel took a step toward him, “even though you lied and ran off without him, he still wants to sacrifice himself for you.” He sneered down at Dean, “this pathetic, self-loathing, self-destructive boy is who you’d give everything up for? You are so far out of his league, you don’t need him. I can’t let you waste such talent on an undeserving peasant.”

The pressure holding me out of the way was a solid wall but as the demon raised the gun to Dean’s head, rage swelled inside me burning through my veins sparking along the nerve endings in my arms. “You’re wrong about one very important detail.” I stood up, “maybe I don’t need him,” I took a step toward Dean and the demon looked my way, I could swear there was fear in his eyes, “but I want him. He is mine just as I am his.” With every word, I took another step, “animo, animum, corpus, animam meam. Sacrum vinculum.” 

Another step and I stood firmly in front of Dean staring into those yellow eyes as the muzzle of the gun pressed into my ribs. “Something you could never understand. It’s not the blood that holds power, Azazel. It’s the soul.”

His eyes widened and then John was behind him, glaring at him as he moved forward and wrapped his arms around him. The demon’s vessel fell to the ground and my legs buckled. I dropped and Dean’s arms wrapped around me, bracing me from the full impact of the ground as he pulled me into him.

He reached for the gun but it was too far. I reached out and pulled with everything in me. Dean clenched his jaw and his stubble scratched against my cheek. Tears stung my eyes and burned down my face, damn it, come here!

The colt smacked against my palm and my hand snapped closed over the handle, but I couldn’t move my fingers. My hand shook too much. Black smoke was flowing back into the demon’s vessel and I couldn’t control my hand. Dean!

His hand covered mine as I watched Azazel stand up. Dean raised our arms, pointed the gun at the demon, and cocked it, I’ve got you, sweetheart.  

My hand still shook but Dean held the gun steady despite it. I stared up into those yellow eyes that had haunted us for so damn long. For Mary.

For our dads, Dean’s finger curled around the trigger as his other arm still wrapped around my waist squeezed.

For us. I watched the demon’s eyes widen just the slightest bit as the recoil of the gun jarred our arms.

The bullet hit the demon’s upper chest but besides the shock all over its face, nothing seemed to happen.

Die, you sonofabitch! Dean cursed it, our anxiety and tension high as we waited for some sign.

Yellow explosions went off inside its vessel, jolting the body before it finally crumbled to the ground.

Dean wrapped his other arm wrapped around me, “shh, sweetheart. It’s over. It’s over.”

Tears were still streaming down my face as I searched the area for John, your dad. We helped each other stand and froze when we saw John walking toward us. There was an agony staining the air and I hoped Dean couldn’t feel it. But his soothing energy flowed into me and proved he did. He tried comforting me because of it.

John stopped in front of us, I felt Sam and Jess nearby. Pride and joy suffused the agony, clearing the air like a deep breath of pure oxygen.

John reached out and touched Dean's shoulder. I dropped my head, giving them a moment and looked over at Sam. I was so glad that Jess was there fiercely holding his hand while he stared at his father.

I closed my eyes and bathed in the emotions. The warm energy bouncing around, circling and coalescing in this small hallowed space. Even though I knew this was goodbye, it was so much more than we ever got before.

Thank you. I didn’t know exactly who I was saying it to but it needed to be said.

We made some mistakes, I snapped my head up at the sound of John’s voice in my head and looked into his eyes as he backed away, but you three made everything worth it. Keep taking care of each other. For the dragon slayers. He glanced to our right and somehow I knew he was looking at my father.

A sob wrenched out of my throat and Dean wrapped his arms around me bracing me against his chest. I didn’t know he stepped behind me or maybe I had stepped forward, his kiss to the top of my head erased the wild thoughts, anchoring me in the moment.

“You’re done, John. It’s time to rest.” Pamela’s voice rang out and I glanced toward her. She stood near Bobby and Ellen with my mother on her other side.

He looked at them and nodded before he looked back at his boys. Then brilliant light lit up the night.

He was gone and it was dark again.

Sam and Jess walked over to us and looked down at the demon’s empty vessel. “It’s over,” Sam echoed Dean’s words as we stared at our boogie man. A memory flashed in my mind of us standing in front of a burning house, a bat in my hands and Sammy in Dean’s.

“It’s really over,” Jess whispered with awe in her voice.

Footsteps crunched over the dry grass but not one of us looked up. “That goes for you, too. It’s time to rest.” Pamela’s voice was firm and for a single moment, I was scared that I was dead and all of this was some death dream to finish business.

I finally glanced up at Pamela and breathed a sigh of relief, “but what about the demons that just got out?”

Bobby was beside her in a blink, maybe my head still did have some healing to do. “You think this is the first time a horde of demons was unleashed on the world? You’re not going to do anyone any good beat to hell trying to fight something stronger than you.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, old man,” Jess chuckled. I looked at her and she shrugged, “they’re right. You two are both headcases with concussions and Sam could use a refresher course with weapons.”

“What?” His head snapped her way.

She grinned at him, “don’t get all shy on me now. Bobby told me about your shooting.”

“I’m better with my fists.”

I tried to swallow a small giggle at an errant thought. Dean threw his head back and laughed. I covered my mouth, an uncontrollable twitch really, and Sam narrowed his eyes at me.

“She was thinking you’re better with running away.” Dean’s grin flowed like warm honey inside my chest.

“Are you chuckleheads done?” Bobby growled but he couldn’t hide his relief and joy from me. “Pamela wasn’t joking about the medical attention.”

I glanced over at my mother, still standing with Ellen just beyond the small circle we created. She had more to fear now with the demons released but she was at peace even though she looked a little lost.

My heart sunk when I thought of my father. He must have finally let her go and while I knew it was good he was at rest too, it still hurt. He was there the whole time and I never knew.

Dean squeezed me and whispered in my ear, “come on, a warm bed is just what the doctor ordered. What was that you said about a sacred bond?”

I glanced up at him over my shoulder, “ah, you know that Latin now?”

“Hey, even you didn’t catch all of it before.”

Dean allowed me to step out of his arms but he took my hand, entwining our fingers. We turned and started walking through the cemetery that had been created with a purpose to keep things locked in. We had changed that tonight and yet, it still held power. Maybe even more. “I guess we have some iron rail lines to fix now.”

Bobby raised his brows, “ya think?”

We laughed and despite the pain in my head, my wrist, and some echoing from all over Dean, I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this light. He met my gaze and that easy, full smile took me higher.

His eyes kindled as his voice brushed my mind, you and me both, sweetheart. Forever and ever.

@duchessofwinchester , @jodyri , @jencharlan , @deanssweetheart23  @torn-and-frayed , @chrisatplay , @mogaruke , @captainemwinchester, @ashrod98 , @mrswhozeewhatsis , @caitsymichelle13  , @escabell , @thealyana , @michellethetvaddict , @ashch , @rashinyx2002 , @tamtamlov

[spnjediavenger]

Chapter 5: Man, Myth, Legend? Girl, Warrior, White Wolf

Disclaimers: I do not own Supernatural, any of its characters, or the lines from the episode I use in this.

Time frame: set mid S5

Warnings: SEASON 5 SPOILERS, MAJOR FEELS

Notes: Big thanks to @sarimaposthumous for proof reading my fic as always!

Not gonna lie, i got UBER emotional writing this XDDD

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think! And much love to those who have liked and/or reposted!!! <3

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

To say that Elliana was overwhelmed would be a drastic understatement. Since her less-than-perfect reunion with Sam and Dean, she and the boys had a mini catch-up session covering the following:

·      Sam and Dean ended up on a path before meeting Ellie that led to Lucifer, the freaking devil, being set free from a cage in hell (the boys thought it best to keep Elliana out of that mess until it became necessary)

·      Gabriel was trying to get them to play their roles as vessels for Lucifer and the archangel Michael so they could fight

·      The boys, along with Bobby, Cas, and two other hunters, Ellen and Jo tried to kill Lucifer but they failed and Ellen and Jo died in the process

o   This ended in Lucifer setting the four horsemen free, bringing the coming of the Biblical apocalypse

Along with this information, you could only imagine how the now 14-year old took to fighting one of said horsemen, coming across real-life zombies in Bobby’s hometown, the boys dying, dealing with a false prophet, and meeting the boys’ half-brother only to see him be abducted by angels.

Not well.

Not that she let it show much, but Ellie was definitely freaking out on the inside. If a teenager fighting plain old monsters was normal – this was abnormal for her; like a whole new level.

Given this fact – it was understandable that there hasn’t been a chance to slow down lately; hence the arrival at another motel.

Elysian fields.

It was dark and it was pouring rain like no one’s business, so Sam, Dean, and Elliana (Anaya sticking close by her side) ran into the building, trying and failing to shield themselves from the downpour.

Once inside, the trio took a moment to catch their breath, shake the water from their hair, and froze at the motel’s appearance. Their jaws slightly dropped at the higher-end furniture and décor, not used to places that nice.

“Nice digs for once,” Dean commented, looking around.

Sam could only nod his head in agreement, still a bit stunned from the shower outside.

Sam and Ellie stood together as Dean was checking in. Anaya let out a low growl at Elliana’s side as the hotel worker leaned forward a bit, examining Dean. He pointed out a small cut on Dean’s neck and handed him a tissue; Anaya kept her eyes locked onto the man and stepped a little closer to Ellie.

Ellie took the behavior into consideration and also eyed the man. He noticed this and simply smiled over at her.

“Beautiful dog. Siberian Husky, yes?” he said pleasantly.

Ellie narrowed her eyes a bit and nodded, also finding herself wary.

Dean finished signing paperwork and looked back to the receptionist. “You wouldn’t happen to have a coffee shop, would ya?”

“Buffet,” the man said. “All you can eat.” He leans in a bit an continues, “best pie in the tri-state area.”

Dean adopts a bit of a wonderstruck expression and smiles. “You don’t say.”

The group looks around the corner where the man had pointed and was indeed met with one amazing buffet layout. Ellie grabbed Dean’s arm before he could run in.

“Can I have one of the room keys?” she asked, eyes scoping out the place before resting on the boys again.

“Why don’t you grab something to eat first? You ok?” Sam was quick to jump in with the ‘worried older brother’ face.

“Yeah,” she said. “I just want to relax a bit before digging in,” she said, not wanting to ruin Dean’s eagerness yet.

Sam sighed but Dean handed her the key. “Stay out of trouble, then,” he said, smirking lightly. “We’ll be up soon.”

As Ellie and Anaya passed the front counter, Anaya leaned into Elliana once more and pricked her ears, lowly growling again as she looked to the receptionist.

Soon, they made it to the room and Ellie couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Compared to every place else she had stayed, this was like a 5-star hotel. She closed and locked the door behind her and jumped onto one of the beds, allowing herself to enjoy something for a moment. Anaya jumped up and lied next to her reluctantly, still wary of things.

Curled up next to her dog on a plush bed, it didn’t take long for Elliana to fall asleep.

“Who are you? Are you an angel?”

“I’m more of a…guardian if you will. Technically, sure, I’m an angel; but more of a rogue. Just someone that heard your prayer and came to help. Speaking of which – not to put a damper on the already dampened mood, but I need you to go pack your normal and your hunting things and we need to go because that demon will come back for you.”

“Wait – how did you know I hunt?”

“Guardian,” the figure said, shrugging a bit. “Now, things, go, no pressure but we should kinda hurry.”

 “Ok, Ellie, you’re doin’ great, kid. We’re gonna stop here for a bit,” Gabriel says, sitting down on a bench with the girl. “I can’t stick around much longer. I have a lot of things to attend to,” the archangel explained. “There’s a motel not far from here. You go in and tell them your parents dropped you off and told you to check in-“

“Like in Home Alone 2 when Kevin checks into the Plaza Hotel?” Elliana said a bit excitedly, despite the things she just witnessed.

Gabriel chuckled a bit. He knew there was a reason he answered this prayer.

“Exactly,” he said, a small smile on his face. “Avoid the workers as best you can but leave the moment you wake up. Don’t give them a chance to ask questions or see much of your face if you can help it. You’re young and they’ll find out something’s up and probably call the police or social services or something.

“You’re young. You shouldn’t have to live like this but you do. But I’ve watched over you for a couple months and know you can handle it.”

Elliana was scared, of course; but she knew this was coming for a while. And she was determined to make it work.

So the girl nodded her head at the man and he smiled again.

“Now, I won’t be there every second with you, but if you really need me – just pray for me, ok? And take this with you.”

Gabriel handed the girl a small necklace. She took it and laid it over one of her hands and examined it. It had a silver chain with a silver crescent moon, a circular pendent with a white wolf hanging in its center.

“Wolves are strong and tough and smart. Just like you. I believe in you, White Wolf.”

Elliana smiled and looked up at him. “Thank you, Gabriel.”

 Elliana was woken by Sam gently shaking her shoulder. She had only been out for maybe an hour while the guys were downstairs and they found her asleep when they came up.

Dean, like Ellie, was in awe of the room but Sam looked as uncertain as Ellie had felt earlier.

“Isn’t this place kind of in the middle of nowhere?” he asked.

“Yeah?” Dean replied, trying not to care.

“So what’s a 4-star hotel doing on a no-star highway?”

“And as much as I hate to admit it too, Sam has a point. And not only that, but Anaya was acting on-edge in the lobby with the receptionist. She’s only ever like that for a reaso-“

Ellie is cut off by the couple in the room next to them being particularly loud with their activities. Dean starts to smirk before Anaya lets out a bark before the wall between the two rooms is pushed in with a bang.

The trio goes to check out the room to find it trashed, and Dean catches a glimpse of an engagement ring on the floor. They all look at each other, eyebrows raised, when Dean suggests they do some digging.

“Ellie, Sammy and I are gonna head downstairs to see what the bellhop creep knows about this. Why don’t you and Anaya sniff around the room a bit then head back to ours? We’ll meet you back up here in a little bit.”

Elliana nodded and they split ways.

She turned back to Anaya and drew two fingers out towards the room; “Search, Anaya,” she commanded lightly before taking a look at things as well.

Upon finding nothing of significance, Ellie and Anaya returned to her and the boys’ room. She waited a little while before texting Sam to see if they found anything. After a few minutes, Ellie started getting suspicious, as the boys usually responded to her almost right away (well, Sam did anyway).

“Come on, Anaya,” Ellie said, opening the door but stopping in her tracks when she was met with the receptionist. “What are you doing here?” Ellie said, a challenging tone in her voice..

“Sorry,” he said. “It’s best if you stay up here.”

“Where are Sam and Dean?” Ellie challenged again. Anaya stalked over to the two, lowering her ears and snarling at the man before her. He looked at her with a certain look in his eyes that made Elliana want to shoot him. “I wouldn’t do that, if I were you. She’s fought werewolves and vampires and other monsters like you. She won’t hesitate to fight you too. And neither will I,” Elliana threatened, pulling a knife from her jacket.

The man flicked a wrist and sent Elliana and Anaya flying back a few feet onto the floor and he shut the door, warding the room to keep them inside.

“Hey!” Ellie yelled, running forward to grab the doorknob, pounding on the door when it wouldn’t open. She pulled out her phone and tried texting and calling Sam and Dean but she no longer had service. And unknown to her, the boys were downstairs being used as bargaining chips to a room full of deities.

           Ellie rakes her hands through her hair and turns around, only to let out a surprised scream when she sees a figure sitting on the couch across the room. Out of instinct, she throws her knife at it but it’s stopped in the air just inches from the figure’s face.

           “Jeez. A ‘nice to see you’ would’ve been better, I think,” a cheeky voice said. Elliana finally focused to find Gabriel closing her knife and tossing it on the ground as he stood up and walked over to her. He smiled and opened his arms expectantly but was instead met with a fist to the cheek.

           A shout of pain was let out but not by the archangel.

           Gabriel looked down with a raised eyebrow at Ellie, who was bent over, fist pulled into her chest.

           “Ok, 1: you know that does pretty much nothing; and 2: what was that for?!” the archangel said, extremely confused at the moment.

           “What the hell, Gabriel?!” Ellie yelled, standing up now but still clutching her hand. “Why would you take Sam and Dean and not even say anything to me?! You knew I was with them! You didn’t think it right to even give me an explanation when I left?! I thought they abandoned me, you jerk!! I was hurt!”

           Ellie looked angrily at Gabriel, but had tears in her eyes remembering how bad she felt thinking Sam and Dean had left her. Gabriel saw this in her eyes and sighed, feeling a little guilt start welling up in his chest.

           “Ok, E – I really am sorry. I was stupid and didn’t think about how taking them would affect you. And I know this isn’t an excuse but I had to figure some things out once they left and I got side tracked from you. Now, I admit I still don’t like those idiots,” this earned a glare from Ellie, prompting Gabriel to hold a finger up for her to be patient. “But, I know they’ve taken good care of you and should have remembered that. Can my ladybird forgive me?” Gabriel took Ellie’s hands and, though he was serious in what he said, gave her his best puppy-dog eyes that would rival Sam’s.

             “Come on, kiddo,” Gabriel begged the teenager, who had her back to him.

           Elliana had just finished a hunt; it was just a simple salt ‘n burn but one of the victims had ended up in the hospital. Because I was too late, she though sadly. Gabriel had ‘the talk’ with her about how you can’t save or keep everyone completely safe. And she understood that. At least that’s what she said. But the girl still beat herself up over it.

           So here was Gabriel, an archangel for Chuck’s sake, begging a teenage hunter to ‘turn that frown upside down’ (yes, he actually said that).

           Gabriel sighed and appeared in front of Elliana, taking her hands in his, making her look at him.

           “Come on, little wolf. I know you know you can’t blame yourself. And think about it – if you hadn’t been there, that person could have died. But you were. And they didn’t.” Gabriel saw the corners of her lips tug a bit. “So, please don’t be so hard on yourself. For me. Pwease?” he added with a childish voice, pushing his bottom lip out and giving her puppy-dog eyes. Ellie giggled as he did this, making the archangel give a triumphant smile and gave his little wolf a kiss on the head.

             Elliana, of course, couldn’t help but smile a bit at that (it was a curse that she almost always gave into that look, and even more of a curse that Gabriel knew it). She sighed a bit, looking over at Anaya, who was wagging her tail enthusiastically at the archangel, and looked back up.

           “I guess so,” she said with a small smirk.

           Gabriel chuckled a bit and hugged her. “That’s my girl.” He bent down to greet the overly excited dog next to Ellie, turns out she had a soft spot for the archangel too, then stood up to look at Elliana seriously again. “Ok, down to the reason I’m here. You guys have driven into a big trap, as I’m sure you’ve already deduced. Your boys down there? They’re currently in the hands of a bunch of gods who want to use them as game pieces in the Lucifer’s-apocalypse-and-Michael-wants-to-fight-him game. Now, before you freak out,” he continued, raising a finger again when Ellie’s face dropped in shock. “Give me two secs to save their butts and I’ll be back.”

           With a snap of his fingers, Gabriel vanished.

           Elliana looked over to Anaya, eyes wide and jaw slightly dropped. What the heck is happening? She thought.

           Not a minute later, Sam and Dean appeared on the other side of the room, both looking thoroughly confused.

           “Ok, what the – holy crap!” Dean said, looking at Sam.

           “Guys!” Ellie called, running to hug them both.

           They hug her back and Sam looks at Dean. “By the way, next time I say let’s keep driving, uh…let’s keep driving,” he said.

           “Ok, yeah. Next time,” Dean snarked.

           “Alright, guys, enough,” Elliana huffed, getting their attention. “You can have your dumb brother fight later,” she continued, earning a double bitch face from the Winchesters. “We’re in kind of a big situation right now and we need to figure out what to do next. So what’s our play?”

           “Well, there’s gods in the ballroom and a bunch of people in the kitchen freezer,” Sam filled Ellie in.

           “Alright so…I-I…I don’t know,” Dean started, wracking his brain for what to take care of first. “I guess we grab those poor saps outta the freezer, bust ‘em out? Gank a few freaks along the way if we’re lucky?”

           “And when are you ever lucky?” Gabriel’s voice cut in.

           The trio looked over to see him sitting on the couch again, amusement in his eyes.

           “Ok, you know what? Bite me,” Dean snapped. “You know, I should’ve known. This had your stink on it all from the jump.”

           “Dean-“

           “You think I’m behind this? Please. I’m the Costner to your Houston. I’m here to save your ass,” Gabriel defended himself, though keeping his usual humored façade.

           The guys looked at him confused.

           “You want to pull us out of the fire?” Dean said, still the only one to speak.

           “Bingo. Those gods are either gonna dust you or use you as bait. Either way – you’re uber-boned.”

           “Wow, ‘cause a couple of months ago, you were telling us that we need to ‘play our roles’. You were uber-boning us.”

           “Ohhhh, the end is still nigh,” Gabriel said, tilting his head pointedly. “Michael and Lucifer are still gonna dance the lambada,” he continued, dancing between the brothers a bit. “But not tonight. Not here.”

           “And why do you care?”

           “I don’t care…but…me and Kali, we uh…had a thing,” Gabriel forced out a bit awkwardly, but composed himself as he continued, “Chick was all hands.”

           Sam and Dean threw him a look.

           “What can I say? I’m sentimental. And I’m here for this one too,” Gabriel added, pointing over to Elliana.

           Now both guys narrowed their eyes in confusion.

           “Ellie?” Dean said.

           “Elliana, you know Gabriel?” Sam asked, finally speaking.

           Ellie’s cheeks burned just the slightest bit from the sudden attention. “He uh…he was the one that saved me from the demon.”

           “Him?” Dean said incredulously, pointing at the archangel.

           “Yeah, poke fun all you want,” Gabriel said, rolling his eyes. He didn’t expect the Winchesters to credit him with anything of the sort. “If it wasn’t for her, I would’ve let you guys down already.”

           Sam, Dean, and even Ellie rolled their eyes at his remark. But they continued talking, trying to form a plan to escape, and to try and free the people stuck in the freezer as well. Gabriel was going to try and break the blood spell on the boys while Sam, Dean, and Ellie would let the guests out. Before they temporarily parted, Gabriel snapped Anaya into the Impala to keep her safe because he said ‘one of the gods downstairs wouldn’t give a passing thought to eat her in front of you’ – that was more than enough of a reason for Ellie.

           The group snuck downstairs into the kitchen; Sam began to pick the lock on the freezer while Dean and Elliana tried and failed to stop the men that came in to stop them. So once again, the Winchesters (with Elliana now) found themselves surrounded by the deities.

           Soon enough, Gabriel was brought in by Kali.

“Well well well,” she said, looking vaguely betrayed as she stared down at him. “Looks like the trickster has tricked us.”

“Kali…don’t…” Gabriel said, lightly pleading with her.

“You’re mine now.” The goddess of destruction sat herself on Gabriel’s lap. “You have something I want.” She ran her hand down his chest, moving it into his jacket to pull out his angel blade. “An archangel’s blade…from the archangel…Gabriel.”

Elliana’s eyes widened and Dean had to put a hand on her shoulder, silently communicating to her not to do anything drastic just yet.

“Ok! Ok! So I got wings. Like kotex,” Gabriel said in a ‘who cares’ tone. “But it doesn’t make me any less right about Lucifer.”

Kali now stood, looking down at him again.

“He’s lying. He’s a spy.”

“I’m not a spy. I’m a runaway,” he said matter-of-factly. “I’m trying to save you. I know my brother, Kali. He should scare the living crap out of you. You can’t beat him. I’ve skipped ahead – seen how this story ends-“

“Your story,” Kali corrects him. “Not ours. Westerners, I swear” she shakes her head. “The sheer arrogance. You think you’re the only ones on earth? You pillage and you butcher in your God’s name. You’re not the only village. And He’s not the only god. And now you think you can just rip the planet apart? You’re wrong,” she continued, voice breaking. “There are billions of us. And we were here first. If anyone gets to end this world…it’s me.” Kali leaned down and caressed Gabriel’s face. “I’m sorry.” She slid the angel blade through Gabriel’s abdomen, causing light to stream from his mouth and eyes.

“Nooo! Gabriel!!” Ellie shouted, jumping up from her chair, only to be pulled back by Sam. “No!” she cried, fighting against the younger Winchester, who only held her tighter. She eventually stopped fighting but stared at Gabriel’s body as tears streamed down her face.

“This is crazy,” one of the room’s occupants commented.

Kali simply stood there, also staring at the dead archangel. “They can die,” she said in finality. “We can kill Lucifer.”

Discussion continued and Dean stood up, bargaining with the deities. Sam bypassed the shock at Dean’s actions to quietly comfort the girl in his arms. Elliana felt like her heart was ripped to shreds; as if that blade went through her heart instead of Gabriel’s. That angel meant the world to her.

Once Dean was able to convince the deities to allow him to set the hotel’s other inhabitants free, he walked over to Sam and Ellie, telling them to follow him. Ellie reluctantly followed the brothers to the kitchen.

As Dean was ushering everyone out of the hotel quickly, a hushed voice called his name from the Impala. He looks over and his eyes go wide as he sees Gabriel ducking in the backseat, motioning for him to get over there.

  “Ellie, I really wish you’d wait in the car. I know you want to stay with us, but this is headed in a much different direction than we thought, ok? Lucifer is going to be here. And we don’t want you getting caught in any crossfire,” Sam said, looking desperately into Elliana’s eyes.

“Sam, please,” she whispered, eyes still holding tears from earlier. “I just lost Gabe…I won’t lose you guys too; I can help you.”

  “Well good luck with that. Me? I’m blowing Jonestown. Those lemmings in there wanna run off a cliff, that’s their business,” Gabriel said in his conversation with Dean, sold on wanting to leave this whole situation.

“I see right through you, you know that? The smart-ass shell, the whole ‘I could give a crap’ thing? Believe me, it takes on to know one,” Dean said, narrowing his eyes at the archangel.

“That so?” he replied, tilting his head as he nonchalantly pet the dog sitting in the back seat with him.

  “Not that I doubt you, because I don’t – but are you sure you can handle this?” Sam asked, searching the girl’s eyes in front of him as he placed his hands on her shoulders.

Ellie sighed and looked down. “No,” she whispered, then looked up at Sam. “But I couldn’t handle that demon either.”

  “Yes. And maybe those freaks in there aren’t your blood but they’re your family.”

“They just stabbed me in the friggin’ heart!”

“Maybe. But you still give a crap about them, don’t you?” Dean continued, knowing he was starting to hit close to home.

“Dean.”

“They’re gonna die in there without you.”

“I can’t kill my brother,” Gabriel said, defeated.

“Can’t or won’t?” Dean challenged. Gabriel cast his eyes to the side, remaining silent. “That’s what I thought.” Dean went to open the car door but turned back to the archangel. “Elliana is in there too, ya know. And she’ll die without you too. Me and Sammy may never get it, but the kid loves you. And I can tell you care about her too,” Dean continued, trying one last time.

Gabriel felt a tug at his heart; he had been hoping Dean wouldn’t mention Ellie for this very reason.

At Gabriel’s continued silence, Dean sighed and got out of the car.

Dean rejoined Sam, Ellie and the others in the hotel. Most of the deities fanned out, leaving Kali and Baldur in the ballroom with the trio. Like Sam, Dean had tried to convince Elliana to wait in the car, only to receive a sad chuckle.

“You don’t get it, do you? I’m with you guys. Through everything. I’m in this mess by my own choosing and I’m not letting you do it without me,” she told him, raising an eyebrow with a light smile. Her smile faded soon as she continued, “And I want to do it for Gabe too…”

Dean was about to tell her Gabriel was still alive when the lights began to flicker violently.

“What’s going on?” Baldur said, glancing around the room.

“It’s him,” Sam said, unconsciously pulling Elliana closer.

“How?” Kali asked, not expecting Lucifer until they removed the enochian symbols from Sam’s ribs.

“Does it matter?” Dean spoke up. “Shazzam us outta here, would ya?”

“We can’t,” Baldur said, fear lacing his voice the smallest bit.

“Of course you can’t,” a voice instantly grabbed everyone’s attention. Their heads all snapped up to the figure standing in the open doorway. “You didn’t say ‘mother, may I?’”

Lucifer lightly smirked as he took account of who stood in the room before him, of course stopping on the Winchesters.

“Sam, Dean. Good to see you again. And who’s this with you?” Lucifer asked, tilting his head in curiosity as he looked at Elliana. “New travel buddy? I’m Lucifer - though I’m assuming you already knew that,” he continued, talking directly to her now. “What’s your name?”

“Go to hell,” Ellie said coldly, not showing the slightest bit of intimidation.

“Oh, I just got out of there, sweetheart,” he easily countered.

“Don’t call me sweetheart,” she spat, taking a challenging step forward. Sam and Dean pulled her back, causing Lucifer to smirk.

“I like her,” he said to the boys. “Feisty.”

Kali muttered to Baldur, who had started walking towards Lucifer with a dominant gait. The boys took a few slow steps backwards with Elliana as the deity gave a short, angered monologue to Lucifer, ending with him consequently ripping Baldur’s heart out.

As Lucifer threw his body to the ground, Kali became enraged and threw a fire attack at him. At the growing physical conflict, the boys and Ellie jumped behind one of the overturned tables in the room to duck in cover.

“You guys ok?” Sam asked his brother and Ellie.

“Not really,” Gabriel’s voice replied before either got the chance. All three looked behind Dean to face him – Dean being shocked Gabriel came back and Sam and Ellie shocked that he’s alive. “Better late then never huh?”

“Gabriel?“ Elliana said, tears welling up in her eyes again. “What- you…you were-“

“It’s ok, E. I’m here. Hang tight ok?” Gabriel turns to Dean, handing him a DVD. “Guard this with your life.”

Gabriel went to stand up, but Elliana moved around Dean and quickly grabbed his arm. “Gabe, no. You’re not doing this by yourself,” she said, voice shaking.

The archangel let out a quick sigh; he was hoping to make this a quick exchange to avoid a conversation like this, but of course had no such luck. “This is the only way for you guys to escape. It’ll be ok-“

“No!” Ellie said again in a harsh whisper. “I’m not leaving you here!”

Gabriel fought back the sting in his eyes and he looked over at the brothers. “Please,” he said. “When it’s time, make her leave,” he continued, staring at them determinedly, though his own voice shook a little. “You make her leave.”

They nodded a bit sadly and held a struggling Ellie when she went to grab Gabriel again.

The archangel gently took her face in his hands and planted a kiss on her forehead, making her freeze in her struggles. “I love you, little wolf.”

Gabriel got up and struck a hand out, throwing Lucifer across the room, into the far wall before he could stomp on Kali.

“Luci, I’m home,” Gabriel said as he stepped into view. “Not this time,” he stopped Lucifer’s advance, holding up his angel blade as he helped Kali up. “Guys! Get her out of here,” he called to Sam and Dean over his shoulder.

The boys walked over and did as he said. They and Elliana headed towards the door, Gabriel standing in front of them protectively as he kept a hard stare on Lucifer. As they neared the exit, Ellie stepped out to Gabriel again.

“Gabe, please, please come with us,” she begged quietly.

“Guys,” Gabriel said again, unable to keep his voice from quivering and tears from stinging his eyes.

Sam took Elliana’s arm but she pushed him away, running back for the archangel so Dean moved up, grabbed her, and threw the girl over his shoulder, leading the rest of the group out of the room.

“Gabe, no! Nooo!! Gabriel!!” Ellie screamed hoarsely as she tried to free herself from Dean.

Gabriel closed his eyes and twitched his neck to get his head back in the game and confront his brother.  Though he supposed it wouldn’t make too much of a difference. This was a fight he knew he wasn’t going to walk away from.

Sam, Dean, Ellie, and Kali got outside and to the car – the goddess in the front seat with Dean, and Sam in the back with Anaya and Ellie once Dean set her down. The girl made one last, albeit weak attempt to go back to the hotel, but Sam pulled her into his side.

Elliana stared out the Impala’s window for as long as she could, hoping for any sign that things would work out for the better, but was only met with a bright white light flashing from the ballroom windows, forcing a sad cry from Ellie. Her hands flew up to cover her mouth and she squeezed her eyes shut. Dean looked in the rearview mirror at Sam, both boys hurting to see her like this.

“Come here,” Sam whispered, pulling Ellie into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. Soft cries and whimpers escaped Ellie as she clutched onto Sam as if he was her lifeline. Sam quietly shushed Elliana, one hand rubbing calming circles on her back, the other gently cradling her head. He had helped her at least slow her breathing, but tears still flowed from her eyes and a soft cry escaped her lips every now and again.

All the emotions had been eating away at her energy and she started becoming tired. As her eyelids drooped, her head slowly fell against Sam’s shoulder. And everything she had felt before was amplified now, since she knew Gabriel definitely wasn’t coming back this time.

Chapter 5.5 ->

[elizabethrobertajones]

Hey so, you've probably been asked this before and if so you can just completely ignore this. But. I know there's been plenty of talk about the differences of Dean and Sam's personalities and families in It's a Terrible Life, but I've yet to seen anyone (as far as I remember anyway) talk about theories of why Sam's fiancé is Madison, and not Jess? Or Sarah? Far as I've come on that theory is, maybe because of the Werewolf thing? And how it relates to Sam's own "demons"? Thoughts?

I like your optimism that I have already been asked all of *the* most obscure questions :D Hehe

The fact Sera wrote both episodes is my first port of call, and Madison would be her own character so faster to mind. I think Heart is also one of her pet favourite episodes although do not ask me how I know that because It’s almost certainly something I read 7 years ago :P 

I would also have to assume on a boring technical level that they were trying to come up with uncanny valley lives, and Dean’s fake life already collected up Bobby and Ellen and Jo, while Sam’s life was deliberately meant to be the less well-developed one because Zach had just thrown together enough to stop him realising the game was up *immediately*, while not bothering to make a complete enough backstory that Sam wouldn’t help motivate Dean because without the much bigger cracks through which their old life came, Sam wouldn’t be able to motivate him in the same way. I don’t think he made many mistakes in the set up except mildly underestimating Dean (while still getting exactly what he wanted out of him by the end of the episode - in the short term, in the long term that’s when Dean gives him the “stab you in the face” warning :P), since he would have been constantly watching them, like an ant farm, and could have fixed Sam if he WASN’T meant to poke at his own backstory. Sam was never really their focus since Ruby had him under lock down doing her side of things and the angels by that point were all aboard on starting the apocalypse.

So I think the last most obvious reason it’s Madison is because Sam was just being mocked as a disposable character, and it really comes across that way when you know the whole story and who set it up:

SAMYeah, ‘cause I only moved here 'cause I just broke up with my fiancée, Madison. But I called her number and I got a damn animal hospital.

And in that sense, Madison is really tragic for us to know was a really awful thing that happened to Sam romantically since Jess, but also has this set up to be mocked and a too-easy joke for Zach. I think if it had been Jess there would have been the danger of him remembering too much, in character, and out of character if the writing process was casting around for a love interest to have a “hilarious” joke from Zach about them, Sam’s girl of the week options are limited and Sarah and Lori from hookman in the first season were both fairly sweet and survived the episode without much interpersonal drama for Sam, while Madison was also very tragic so mocking her and what Sam went through with her, is a very blatant example from the first couple of seasons of Sam being put through the wringer - I think he cried more in that episode than he’s done for the rest of the show since :P There’s much more obvious material to make a joke from than most of his other romantic connections and the only one who he actually cared about (since season 3 had him mostly just being set up for Ruby, while lusting after Bela a little… and honestly at this point trying to think who else Sam has been linked to, the Bad Writer Voice in my brain that comes up with all the junk pile snark suggested that old woman from 3x06 who pawed all over Sam - “But I called her number and I got a damn retirement home.” … So let’s be glad it was Madison :P)

Anyways, if there’s a wider meta purpose you probably got it… Madison is one of the monsters that Sam’s been connected to romantically, and actually Dean seems to think Sam’s got together with a lot more monsters than he actually has because in 4x14 he has some line about what is it with Sam and monster chicks or something, thinking he’s sleeping with the siren (whoops) and he’s reacting to Sam saying he and Ruby are together. Madison is really the only other major example, although Dean also thought Sam had a thing for Ava who he might not have qualified as a monster at the time, but *would* have classified as like finding like if he thought Sam had a crush, since they both had psychic powers and by season 4 that’s all the backstory to Sam’s struggle with humanity. (I mean honestly, Madison seemed to traumatise them both for different reasons so I could get if she stuck out in Dean’s memory even if he seems to tease Sam for it, it would be making light of it as a coping mechanism to the awful stuff they’ve done on the job.)

I’d also get if the show wanted us to think Sam had a bigger history with this than he does - hence the line in 4x14 AND this reminder about Madison - because they like making generalisations of their history to tell the story, focusing on one or two incidents and making it sound like a life-long pattern (despite Jess being Sam’s defining romance and characterised by the normality and that he lied to her about monsters to protect a bubble of normality). We won’t find out about Amy Pond until season 7 aka they don’t write it until then, so it’s retroactively adding to the pattern that was barely a pattern in season 4, but if they want to build up the image of Sam being attracted to monsters as part of the question about his own nature, trying to remind us that Ruby isn’t his first is a good way to go about that. 

Then they end the season with Dean or false representations of him repeatedly telling Sam that he’s a monster or he isn’t human any more and Sam picks Ruby over Dean, and throws his own humanity away blah blah blah we all know the story :P (I say, blah-ing away one of the best season finales on the show.)

… TBH the show trying to set up this narrative that you are what you sleep with just reminds me that in the version of the Winchester Gospels where Sam doesn’t drink demon blood, this is all excellent supporting narrative/examples to build up the ridiculous counterpoint Destiel subtext going on on the other side :P Which is kind of a joke I make but season 4 is told a LOT through their sexual preferences and encounters. If I was going to write a serious academic paper about the show where you don’t need to make the same disclaimers about intent and interpretation as you do on Tumblr it would be excellent to examine season 4′s main arc and plot points as told through the representations of their sexuality, because the Sam/Ruby, and Dean/Cas/Anna major narrative parallel of you are what you sleep with is barely scratching the surface… It’s a huge thing. The siren episode doesn’t just *happen* to be in this season and it’s not a random isolated incident, it’s one of the many ways this undercurrent of the season shows up. And that puts the Sam and monsters subtext directly next to Dean and dudes, which lines up perfectly with playing Sam/Ruby off Dean/Cas for the length of the season. Hey and lo and behold in 4x17 Sam has a history with Madison, and Dean has a hot co-worker he hangs out with, and a deep insecurity about the idea of Sam hitting on him in the elevator (… at work), and some queercoded behaviours, and a complete lack of love life mentioned in the main text, including shoving Jo hard into the sister box in the same exchange we find out about Sam and Madison…

[darkstar6782]

5.15: Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid - My Rewatch Review

It occurred to me while watching this episode that buried within the storyline of this entire season is a pretty solid explanation for why Sam and Dean do not have a whole lot of contacts or friends among the hunter community, above and beyond both their past experiences and their upbringing. Though it’s been there since the end of Season 1—the implicit understanding that to be close to the Winchesters is to put your life at risk—and also considering the fact that there is a whole swath of the hunter community that has been gunning for Sam ever since Gordon Walker decided he was the antichrist, this season really has them taking a one-two punch in that regard. Sam was assaulted by hunters for his part in starting the Apocalypse, and he and Dean will both be killed for the same reason very soon, Ellen and Jo both died because they tried to help Sam and Dean kill Lucifer, and now Death has personally targeted Bobby—and, by proxy, the entire town that he lives in—just because he has been trying to help Sam and Dean stave off Armageddon. Hell, by the end of this season, Dean will have seen literally everyone he cares about—Bobby, Cass, and even Sam—die as a result of their ultimate plan to stop the devil. Even though none of those particular deaths stick, I like to think that the memory of that level of personal loss leaves a mark, and it probably doesn’t help that fate has a bad habit of snatching the few friends they do end up making over the next many seasons away from them almost as soon as they have made them. 

But that’s why I am also glad of two particular elements to this episode that are somewhat disconnected from one another, but also mesh with the theme of Sam and Dean’s support system, or lack of one, pretty perfectly. The first is that this episode introduces us to Jody Mills, the longest-lasting survivor of an association with Sam and Dean, and one of the very few supporting characters on the show that was never once killed off. That’s one of the many reasons why she is one of my favorite recurring characters on the show, and her relationship with Sam is another. Because it is no secret that most of the show’s recurring characters always seem to have a closer relationship with Dean than with Sam. I’m not going to speak to the phenomenon in depth here and now, except to say that I don’t have any strong feelings about that fact, but I do see Jody Mills as one of the exceptions, and I think this episode is one of the reasons for it. Because Jody’s introduction into hunting came about in Sam’s presence—it was Sam who saw her at her most broken, who came to her when she had just lost everything, and who helped her survive, and who did the one necessary thing she was unable to do, and the fact that he did it with such sorrow in his eyes, and asked for her permission first, and was simply there to hold her together and help her save the rest of the town—and even though so much of what they went through together in those few hours remains unspoken between them, and even though we will not see her again for a while, I like to think that she never forgot what Sam did for her, and what it said about the kind of person he was, which is why, once they do make contact again, she becomes friends with him in a way that she never really does with Dean.

The other element of this episode that ties so well into the underlying narrative of the series is Karen Singer’s conversation with Dean about Bobby, and about why she didn’t tell him that she remembered what happened to her before she died. Because the parallels there are also undeniable—she is not the only one in that room who suffered and died horribly while someone she loved watched, helpless to do anything to stop it and feeling responsible, and she is not the only one who has returned from the dead with horrible memories that she tried to keep from the one she loved in order to spare them further pain. Because Sam and Dean may be brothers, but the show has made no secret of the fact that their relationship goes deeper and means more to both of them than a normal sibling relationship, both because of their upbringing and because of higher forces in the universe, which means that, as long as they have each other, all their other friends and fellow hunters are somewhat superfluous to requirements. And I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing, especially given the lives they lead. In this season, they have been leaning on a lot of external support mostly because they are not in a good place in their relationship with one another, which makes the willpower they each need to stave off Michael and Lucifer difficult to maintain without outside help, but when they aren’t at odds and don’t have the weight of the world on their shoulders, they really are all the other one needs for friendship and emotional support, and that is one of the things that I am glad never changes about this show, because it is one of the things I love the most about it.

[babygirl06301]

I wanna talk about That Scene™

in 13x03, and I’m gonna do it line by line, so are you with me? (using this video posted by @lostboycas for reference) It’s gonna be long.

TL;DR: Just read the emboldened bits

By the way, this post is gonna endorse the hell out of Destiel, so if you don’t ship it, please don’t tarnish this post with hatred. Live and let love, dudes.

I’m going through the whole shebang and sheboozle, so we’re starting with:

D: [giving a reason as to why he said he’d kill Jack] I told him the truth. See, you think you can use this freak, but I know how this ends, and it ends bad.

S: I didn’t.

D: What?

S: I didn’t end bad... when I was the “freak,” when I was drinking demon blood.

D: Come on, man, that’s totally different.

S: Was it? Because you could’ve put a bullet in me. Dad told you to put a bullet in me, but you didn’t. You saved me. So, help me save him. 

So, this piece of the conversation kind of hurt me a little bit because I feel like Dean regressed back to the Dean he used to be, which is sad. Not that Dean’s old self was bad, it’s just that he’s grown so much since then. He’s a lot more accepting of monsters and demons and “freaks” if he can be convinced they’re not evil.

Now, of course, I understand why he’s harboring such hostile opinions toward Jack (and if I didn’t understand, I got it loud and clear with this episode), but it’s sort of disheartening that he’d use the work “freak” in front of Sam after everything they’ve been through. 

However, I do appreciate that Sam stuck up for Jack here without hesitation. Especially since I’m sure he understands more than anybody else what Dean’s going through, whether you liken that to how Sam felt when he lost Jess and/or Sam just simply observing the connection that Cas and Dean have built over the years. I’m liking that Sam is connecting the most with Jack right now, despite S12 setting it up for Cas having that connection (which will come later, of course). I’m so glad that Sam has his own path/storyline again. I feel like it’s long overdue.

I’m gonna put the rest under the cut so I don’t spam you guys with a wall of post.

Next:

D: You deserved to be saved. He doesn’t.

S: Yes, he does, Dean. Of course he does.

So, I know we’re all talking about this scene/line mirroring this one:

(Shameless self-promo: this photo is from my side-blog, check it out here)

and a lot of people have been talking about this parallel. @chocolatedeathwarrior made a post about it that you can see here. I kind of want to talk about something in the same vain which is that Dean blames himself for Castiel’s death--not Jack.

I think the first place we see that this season is during this scene where the angel Dean is fighting tells him that Castiel is “all the way dead” because of him.

Knowing Dean, this was kind of what I expected to see as a reaction to Cas’s death. It’s still sad, though. I do think that he’s projecting his self-hatred onto Jack because he can’t handle his true thoughts, which are that he got Castiel killed. And as much as I wish he wouldn’t take it out on my little pumpkin, I can’t blame him. Losing somebody with whom you had that kind of connection with... Well, I’m just surprised he’s still standing. Long story short, that line of dialogue in 4x01 is most likely mirrored here because Dean didn’t think he deserved to be saved back then. And, in my head, he feels guilty that Cas saved him in the first place because then Cas wouldn’t be dead today. (i.e. “If I hadn’t broken the first seal in Hell, Cas could’ve left Earth the second he sprung me, and none of the rest would’ve happened) Just... Dean’s got demons, ya know?

Another thing I kind of want to focus on here is Sam’s response to Dean saying that Jack doesn’t deserve to be saved. To me, his response tells me he sees Jack as an innocent, and I’m assuming that’s the case because he saw himself as an innocent victim as well. But I find the differences between them even more compelling than their similarities. Sam was chosen, but Jack was born into his power. Sam was given power specifically to do evil, Jack’s powers are just assumed to be evil because of their volume and their origins. Sam embraced his powers (eventually), and Jack seems to be afraid of his powers. So, by and large, Jack seems to be even more of an innocent than Sam was. Which is why Dean needs to back the fuck up off my baby.

Moving on:

D: Look, I know you think that you can use him as some sort of an interdimensional can opener, and that’s fine. But don’t act like you care about him, because you only care about what he can do for you. So, if you want to pretend, that’s fine. But me? I can hardly look at the kid. ‘Cause when I do, all I see is everybody we’ve lost.

First of all, can we just take a look at Sam’s face here when Dean says that Sam just wants to use Jack for his own personal gain?

Like, why would you say that about his little moose? Mamma Moose is gonna fuck you up.

But, honestly, that face is both amazing (because you can tell Sam really does care about Jack) and sad (because Sam’s wondering if his big brother really thinks that he’s that selfish). I mean, of course Sam would like for Jack to bring Mary back, but I also believe he really does want to fulfill Kelly and Cas’s wishes for him. Not to mention, he can connect with Jack on a level he hasn’t been able to with anybody else.

Which brings up an interesting tangent that I’m going to go on now:

Why is it that Sam, of all people, is doing what Castiel would’ve wanted? Not that it’s out of character for Sam, but don’t you think that it’d be more in character for Dean to do so because of the bond he and Cas shared? No. Because Dean not only blames Jack and blames himself, but he blames Cas. He’s furious that Cas put himself in a situation that got him killed. He’s pissed at Cas for being dead. And I don’t think Dean knows what to do with that.

Back on track:

S: Mom chose to take that shot at Lucifer. That is not on Jack.

D: And what about Cas?

S: What about Cas?

D: He manipulated him. He made him promises. Said “Paradise on Earth,” and Cas bought it. And you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now, you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!

This is it. This is the moment everybody is talking about. Including me.

Okay, for one thing, he totally disregards Mary. “Fuck her, we’re talking about Cas. Keep up, Moose Man.” Like? Both of them were killed by Lucifer (he thinks), both of them chose to protect everything they were leaving behind, so? Maybe Dean reacted differently to Cas’s death because, oh, I don’t know, their bond isn’t familial? I mean, I’m just throwing that out there, but I dunno, maybe it could be a very fucking likely possibility?

Sidebar: I was discussing this with @tobythewise, and has Dean ever called Jack by name? Because I don’t think he has, and I imagine that’s in an effort to not humanize Jack in his mind. I assume he’d rather see Jack as a thing instead of as a person.

So, now, we’re gonna talk about a thing. A thing that the anti-Destiel fans may not enjoy. I’m gonna make a statement. And it’s gonna be pretty matter-of-fact. My conviction is pretty strong here. Are you prepared?

Literally, Dean has never reacted to a loved one’s death like this.

Look at the pain, the near panic in his eyes (and, no, that is not a Hercules reference).

Honestly, make a list. Make a list of the behaviors Dean exhibited immediately following each of these people’s deaths.

John (shuts it down, doesn’t talk about it until he’s dealt with most of it on his own, privately bashes in the Impala)

Sam (immediately takes action to bring him back to life after a very short, and still private, grieving period, essentially bypassing the opportunity to feel the loss of his brother)

Bobby (ignores the pain, denies the existence of Bobby’s spirit for a long period of time)

Ellen, Jo, and Ash (ignores the pain again, accepts their deaths as his fault as well as part of the job)

Kevin (same thing, blocks out the pain, privately trashes the bunker)

Charlie (same thing, puts up a wall, only briefly berates Sam for involving her in their dangerous lives)

Mom (assumes she’s dead, won’t talk about it, accepts the loss)

Crowley (accepts the loss again)

Castiel (prays to Chuck to bring him back, openly implies to a random angel that he wants to use Jack’s powers to get Cas back, publicly screams out his pain of losing Cas to Sam, knowing full well that Jack could potentially hear)

This isn’t to say that he isn’t trying to block out Cas’s death like he does with everybody else’s, but it isn’t fuckin’ workin’, is it, mate? 

And, I know. Dean has blocked out the pain of Castiel’s deaths or disappearances before, but that was because: their relationship wasn’t as developed as it is now, they just came out of a falling out, or he didn’t fucking block it out, and instead, he had dreams and nightmares about losing Cas.

So, basically, the point I’m trying to make here is that Dean is having a blown out reaction to losing Castiel, and I think it’s because he never got to say the things he needed to say to him. Things like “Thank you for everything you’ve done to save me” or “You don’t have to prove yourself to me” or “We need you here more than you realize” or “I love you.” You know, just... whatever.

Of course, it isn’t to say that Dean cares about Cas more than anybody else, because we know that’s not true. Sammy is #1, always. But it is to say that A, Castiel’s bond with Dean is significantly different than a friendship, family, or frenemy bond. B, because of that, he doesn’t know how to cope with the loss and C, the matter of the unrequited feelings and unsaid words is taking its toll.

Phew, that was a lot. I’ve only got one more thing to discuss here: Jack.

J: [whispers] Castiel. 

One thing I found kind of interesting/strange was Jack’s facial expression throughout this whole scene.

It’s very neutral, almost, right? I mean, it’s puzzled, sure, but given the context of the conversation between Sam and Dean, shouldn’t he be sad or mad or something? Seeing as how this dumpling is just like his dad, I get it . I mean, he’s new to the world, he doesn’t quite understand the “ebb and flow of human emotion” (Castiel, 2013), but he didn’t even react when Sam was defending him, which I found interesting. 

I made a post about this, but I’ll say it again here that Jack seems to value Dean’s opinion more than he does Sam’s. Just like Cas did. Not that Sam’s opinion is worthless, but still, Jack seems to want Dean’s approval more than he wants Sam’s. Maybe that’s because negative words reach people quicker than positive words? Maybe because Sam readily gave his approval, Jack feels he needs to focus on getting Dean’s? Maybe Jack’s connection to Cas bonded him to Dean in the same way Cas was bonded to Dean? (like how Amara used their connection to reach Dean in S11 *idea courtesy of @tobythewise.*)

The latter answer is my favorite because it reminds me that Cas learned how to be human from Dean, and what’s Jack been doing since hittin’ this green earth?

Exactly. Anyway, I find it really cute that Jack is looking up to Dean, but I also find it really sad that Dean is shutting him down like he is, and I also find it sad that Dean is in so much pain that it’s literally shooting out of him and hitting everything in sight.

So, then we see Cas. 

Here’s the thing: Jack needs Cas, yes. Jack could’ve subconsciously woken Castiel up because he wanted him back. But it’s pretty coincidental that Jack did so right after hearing Dean’s literal screams of pain for Cas. I hope Jack’s not thinking that bringing/having Cas back will make Dean accept him. I know that will probably be what happens, but I want Jack to bring Cas back just because he knows it’ll make Dean happy. Ya know? Hell, maybe both of those things are his motivation. Although, I don’t think he woke Cas up consciously. But! He did say earlier that using his powers were like breathing, so waking Cas up for Dean must of felt pretty natural to him, huh?

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got. I love, love, love this season so far. I love the Dabb era. I love that Castiel is getting the screen time and love that he deserves. I love that Jack is one of the best characters to ever join the show (which is impressive after 13 seasons). I love that Sam is a little Mamma Moose. I love that Dean is finally grieving Cas. I love it all. After a particularity grueling hellatus, I’m looking forward to more. Let me know your thoughts! 

[growningupgeek]

Lonely Roads-September 18, 2008

Word Count-693

Characters-Sam Winchester, Castiel, Lenore(mentioned)

Warnings- none for this part

Summary-Supernatural AU diverging from the Season 3 episode Fresh Blood.  Inspired by the EW Halloween cover and a picture that I found on Google Images.  Posting Monday evenings.

A/N-How long is this going to be? I honestly don’t know at this point.  I’ve got an outline and I know where I’m going.  Right now I’m fixing problems I created with the time travelers paradox.  Many thanks to @skybinx-blog and @thegameison97 beta reading and dealing with my insecurities. Y’all are the best.  Tags under the cut and, as always, if you want on or off the list drop me an ask or send a message.

-JediCat

Lonely Roads Masterlist

Masterlist

Edits are mine, made from pictures found on Google and my own screen caps.  Please do not repost any of my work on another website without my written permissions.

Sam had discovered becoming a supernatural being had it’s advantages, one of them being access to archives that he’d never have gotten to as a purely human hunter.  He’d begun researching vampires more thoroughly when it became clear that he wasn’t a typical vampire.  Sunlight didn’t hurt him at all, dead man’s blood slowed him down for a minute and silver barely left a mark.  As near as he and Lenore could figure out the vampire blood he’d swallowed reacted with the demon blood already in his system. He was no longer human but he wasn’t a demon or vampire either.  He was some sort of complex hybrid of the three with all the advantages and almost none of the disadvantages.   

Sam was engrossed in research when the flutter of wings and a change in the air pressure in the room alerted him that he was no longer alone. He finished the paragraph he was reading before looking up from his book.  Standing in front of his desk was a dark haired, blue eyed man wearing a dark suit with his tie on backwards and a trench coat.  Behind the other man he could see the suggestion of large, dark wings.  When Sam met his eyes they literally glowed.

“What have you done, Sam Winchester,” he asked in a gravelly voice.

Sam rose from his chair to his full height. “Who are you to ask, angel?”

The angel seemed surprised that Sam wasn’t intimidated by him. “I am Castiel, angel of the Lord.  Again, I ask what have you done?”

Sam gave the angel a bitter smile.  “You mean besides having an accident that completely screwed up Heaven’s plans for my brother and I?  Just protected him from you winged ass holes.”

Castiel’s eyes narrowed and a silver blade dropped from the sleeve of his coat to his hand. “What do you mean?”

Sam leaned forward and placed his hands flat on the table without breaking eye contact.  “I’m a whole new level of freak, Castiel, and I will do everything in my power to keep Dean from becoming Michael’s vessel.”

He hooked the chair with his foot and sat back down in one smooth motion, folding his arms across his chest.  “I will also never agree to be Lucifer’s vessel and have the means to enforce that.  So maybe you should sit down so we can discuss this like reasonable beings.”

Sam casually waved his hand, causing a chair to slide across the room to Castiel’s side.  Castiel side eyed it before sitting down.  “Perhaps you are correct, Sam.  I will admit that I am uncomfortable with the plans my superiors have revealed to me.  Humanity deserves better.”

It took the better part of an hour but Sam eventually got what he wanted: protection for Dean.  After carving the sigils that would hide Sam from angels he would go to Dean and do the same as soon as he was asleep.  Castiel would also keep watch over Dean acting as just another hunter.  In return, Sam would send cases their way, help with research and point other angels in the wrong direction as necessary.  Both beings walked away feeling like they’d gotten the better end of the bargain.

For the next month Castiel spent as much time with Sam as he could.  Sam taught him his fighting style and Dean’s so that it would be easy for him to work with Dean.  He also insisted that Castiel get rid of the suit and replace it with the unofficial hunter’s uniform of jeans and flannels.  As they worked together a friendship grew between them, one that made Sam feel almost normal again.  When he finally sent Cas off to Bobby in mid-October with a letter dated about a month before he “died”  he was sorry to see him go, but protecting Dean was his priority.

Meanwhile there were still cases to work, some beings hadn’t gotten the message that the first seal on Lucifer’s cage hadn’t been broken and were working on the rest of them.  Sam’s next stop was a small town where a couple of witches were trying to raise Samhain.

The Usual Suspects-  @darkcastersruletheworld​​ @black-shad0w-w0lf​​ @imagine-that-supernatural​​ @ladysaraharper​​ @thedepthsoffandomminds​​ @kbrand0​​ @soaringeag1e​​ @supernaturalismalife​​ @iwantthedean​​ @jojomonsterbunni​​ @little-red-83​​ @growleytria​​ @ashleymalfoy​​ @jerkbitchidjitassbutt​​ @halespecterwinchester​​ @driverpicksthemuusic​​ @isometimeswritesomethings​​ @whyisleepacesoamazing​​ @mist-and-echoes​​ @sassysupernaturalsweetheart​​ @kaylas-obsessions​​ @aerisawriting​​ @letsgetoutalive​​ @divinitycas @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid​ @jodyri​​ @soab1967​​ @busybee612​​ @appleschloss​​ @kazchester-fanfiction​​ @oriona75​​ @screeching-pterodactyl-fangirl​​ @deandoesthingstome​​ @littlegreenplasticsoldier​​ @sammy-moo​​ @for-the-love-of-dean​​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​​ @kittenofdoomage​​ @sandlee44​​ @apeshit7x​​ @purgatoan​​ @fast-times-in-the-impala​​ @wereallbrokenangels​​ @wonderless-screwup​​ @dontsassmecastiel​​ @cherrie-liquor​​ @deascheck​​ @mrssamfuckingwinchester​​ @winchesterprincessbride​​ @tjforston​​ @babi-correia​​ @helixiaray​​ @writingthingsisdifficult​​ @mysaintsasinner​​ @mogaruke​​ @wheresthekillswitch​​ @skybinx-blog​​ @bohowitch​ @hexparker​ @jensen-jarpad​ @ellen-reincarnated1967​  

Dean only- @torn-and-frayed

[buggeredson-a]

This isn't a meme but what's your opinion on the show being renewed for a 13th season?

Mun-Directed Questions About Roleplaying!

Post-Writing Edit: I won’t put this under a cut. I’m going to be honest. And it’s a hurtful kind of honesty. You might want to consider passing on.

[ I’m just gonna link the meme anyway, since it’s kinda what I’m guessing prompted this question. ;)

I actually have really mixed feelings about going into S13. Part of me wants to see more of S12 before I make a call on it–I’m only up to E3–but the other part of me…kinda knows what call I’m gonna make already, because it’s the same call I made for S8. And S9. And S10. And S11. And S12.

Why is this show still on-air?

Now, I don’t mean that as insult: I mean that as a genuine question. I know I’m not one of the people keeping ratings up. I have maybe two people out of everyone I know who are only maybe, maybe, playing into those ratings. So who is still watching? The show hasn’t been fresh in a while. The formula is still the same.

Last Season ends on a major event, either character death, disappearance, or game-changing revelation; New Season picks up with whoever out of the Boys wasn’t involved in the Last Season event trying to correct the situation; partial resolution by Episode 4 AT THE OUTSIDE, when the Boys are all together again in some way, shape, or form; major event is mostly dealt with by the beginning of Episode 9 and New Event is brewing to end the New Season; every fucking moment of this event will be very painfully drawn out by the same unoriginal trope of the Boys not communicating fully with one another and acting more like teenaged edgelord piss-babies than fucking 40-year old men, which they are even canonically at this point.

Where I am in S12, Dean’s just said he’s 37. He and Sam and certainly Cas are too old to keep getting jerked along by the same plot devices used in subpar Pre-/Adolescent Fiction. It was cute for a season–now we’ve had at least seven, going on eight seasons of it.

But here’s the thing. I’m not willing to condemn Season 13 just yet.

Not because I expect the writing to turn around and give us a plot that doesn’t rely on more bullshit lies, half-truths, and miscommunications, but because I’ve seen the trend in other areas. Frankly, the Boys are fucked. They’ve been fucked for several seasons by now. They’re not going to get the same kind of character development they used to get, like when Cas had to decide if humanity meant enough to him to disobey Heaven and protect the Winchesters and Earth, or when Sam had to decide FOR THE FIRST TIME–the impactful time–if his life was worth the lives of everyone on the planet, or when Dean had to learn–for the first time again, for the only time it felt meaningful–that sometimes winning the war can mean losing a piece of yourself. No, they’re going to get more hissy fits, more manpain, more angst, and maybe, hopefully, something smaller and cool and meaningful that the fans can give proper weight to–like LuciCase, like Sam finally realizing that he’s okay with hunting, like Deanmon.

I stopped watching the show for the Boys a long time ago.

But do you know what this show does better than anything else, what I’m willing to give Season 13 a chance on again, what I’m waiting to see develop?

Those secondary characters. Bobby. Crowley. Jo. Ellen. Jody. Kevin. Linda. Charlie. Donna. Claire. Krissy. Billie. The recurring characters, the ones who came back episode after episode, who were fun and funny and well-written. Five of those are dead and will hopefully remain so–because I think we can all agree that ghost!Bobby was as unnecessary as it was hurtful, and that it disrespected a character we all loved. At least one of those has fallen into the same awful hole as the Boys, where all the character development has run together and given up and become horrible and repetitive and wishy-washy and just keeps happening, no matter how often “a lesson is learned” and they express–verbally–that they won’t fall into the same trap again.

You know what I want? I want a new secondary character. I want a woman. I want her to be a badass and I don’t want her to have a romance with any of the Big Four. I don’t want her to have a romance at all, but I’ll settle for her having a romance with someone off-screen or unrelated to the show’s events. I want her to be witty. I want her to be a badass. But above all, I want her to be unique, and if she must die, I want her death to be about her, not about the Boys.I want her to be reluctant, like Kevin.I want her to call the Boys out on their bullshit, like Bobby.I want her to be hardcore, like Krissy, but soft, like Jody.

I’m not going to get her. I wouldn’t get her even if she was a he instead.

But I know I’m going to get SOMEone, someone beyond my wildest dreams, someone WONDERFUL, and that someone is going to be the whole reason Season 13 is watchable, enjoyable, pleasant.

So there’s my two cents on the hot-button topic. To say I’m critical is fair–to say I’m hypocritical, on some level, is also fair. But in reality: I’m passionate. And I’m pissed-off because I was promised better going into the show, I was promised better with every season of this show, and even when things didn’t get better, I hell, THE WHOLE FANDOM, deserves better. ]

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 5x18: “Point of No Return”

Quite the interesting song choice. “The Man Upstairs” by Kay Starr.

Bummed out Zachariah at a bar.

“That’s all they care about upstairs, ain’t it? Results, results, results. They don’t know. They’re not down on the ground, in the mud, nose to nose with all you pig-filthy humans, am I right?”

“Absolute—filthy what?”

lmao, poor guy catching what Zachariah said.

Another gif I’d seen often without knowing what the context was.

RIP Stuart and the bartender. Killed by Zachariah’s “boss”...whoever that is.

Dean-o.

Preparing to leave.

I”m trying to pause the screen to read this letter Dean is writing. I can make out the words “you’ll look after her” which is probably referring to Baby (tho I did initially think it was about Lisa, as he had told her last episode that “they” won’t get what they want from him without agreeing to something first...aka protection for her and Ben.) Also before that statement, it looks like Dean made a Back to the Future reference (which, of course he would) “Where we’re going, we don’t need  no roads”

He also mentions someone (or something?) being an “honorary Winchester in my book” and I hope he means Cas.

[After episode edit: Supernatural Wiki is awesome and provides a transcript to a good chunk of the letter. It confirms most of my guesses except the “honorary Winchester” is Bobby; I ain’t even mad about that.]

It was about to be sent to Bobby.

“It’s not too hard to figure out the stops on the Farewell Tour.” Well thank god Sam knows Dean so well.

“How could you do that?”

“How could I? All you’ve ever done is walk away.”

“And I was wrong. Every single time I did.” 

“You know I have to stop you.”

“Yeah, well, you can try. Just remember: You’re not all hopped up on demon blood this time.”

Dean delivering some low blows here...and he’s just getting started.

Cas! 

Who is phenomenally pissed and staring daggers at Dean.

“But if Lucifer burns this mother down, and I coulda done something about it, guess what? That’s on me.” Huh, that’s still part of the reason Dean says yes to Michael in S13.

“You’re not my father. And you ain’t in my shoes.”

DEAN WINCHESTER, YOU TAKE THAT BACK IMMEDIATELY.

It would’ve been kinda hilarious if Bobby had shot Dean for that alone.

“That’s the round I mean to put through my skull. Every morning, I look at it. I think, ‘Maybe today’s the day I flip the lights out.’ But I don’t do it. I never do it. You know why? Because I promised you I wouldn’t give up!”

:(

RIP 2 angels. Killed by Cas.

Will the real Adam Milligan please rise?

Cas wards Adam.

My god, Adam sounds so much like Dean.

Whoomp, there it is. Adm was brought back to replace Dean as Michael's vessel.

Cas shading Dean, lol.

“Why would they do this?”

“Maybe they’re desperate. Maybe they wrongly assumed Dean would be brave enough to withstand them.”

“Alright, you know what? Blow me, Cas.”   

Adam even acts like Dean, whereas Ghoul!Adam was more like Sam...

“Please, just trust me. Give me some time.”

“Give me one good reason.”

“Because we’re blood.”

Yeah, that ain’t gonna cut it.

“No, John Winchester was some guy who took me to a baseball game once a year. I don't have a dad. So we may be blood, but we are not family. My mom is my family. And if I do my job, I get to see her again. So no offense, but she's the one I give a rat's ass about, not you.”

Dude, it’s not their fault they never found out about you.

Jeez, what a dick.

Not that easy to escape, pal.

“The one thing worse than seeing dad once a year was seeing him all year.”

“Do you know how full of crap you are?”

“What?”

“Really. You see, it was me and it was my mom. That's it. She worked the graveyard shift at the hospital. I cooked my own dinners. I put myself to bed. So you can say whatever you want about our dad, but the truth is, I would have taken anything.”

SERIOUSLY WHAT A MEDIUM BAG OF DICKS

 Does Adam ever stop with the smartass remarks?

DEAN WHAT THE FUCK.

“I mean, think about how many people we've gotten killed, Sam. Mom, Dad, Jess, Jo, Ellen. Should I keep going?” None of those deaths were your own fault, you’re reaching for straws here pal.

“I just…I—I don’t believe.” 

“In what?”

“In you.”

I hate Dean’s campaign of driving people away so they’ll let him go, I h a t e t h i s.

“You’re angry, you’re self-righteous. Lucifer's gonna wear you to the prom, man. It's just a matter of time.” 

“Don’t say that to me. Not you...of all people.”

Omg, an almost direct parallel from “When the Levee Breaks”.

You made Sam cry, you asshole.

I love Bobby checking in on his sons :’)

How did Dean know Cas was gonna come down to check in on him? That crash was well timed.

And Cas actually showed concern for him!!

Dean, you fucking asshole.

“Cuff him to your chair.” lmao

Adam, meet Zachariah.

The other time where I can’t even argue against Zachariah...except for the “erotically” bit.

“Trust me, kid, when the heat gets hot, they're not gonna give a flying crap about you. Hell, they'd rather save each other's sweet bacon than save the planet.” Oh wait, there’s another time he’s just...kinda right. Tho I’d kinda argue that they’ve come a long way from that.

OOOHHH HERE IT COMES. ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCENES IN THE SERIES...and the reason I started shipping Destiel full time.

El Sol!

OOOOHHH IT’S DEAN BEATDOWN TIME!!!

It is so satisfying to see Cas beat the shit out of Dean after everything he’s said and done in this episode.

Also, how are NONE of the passing civilians noticing this fight???

I just...get a huge kick out of that scene. 

And now, I attempt to explain why this scene (of all scenes) was the reason I started shipping Destiel:

To me, there were two stages of Destiel; 1. Dean’s in love with Cas and 2. Cas is in love with Dean. For whatever reason, this was the moment I realized Cas had very deep feelings for Dean. 

The level of betrayal he was feeling from Dean seemed much more personal than just ‘I went to bat for the guy and he struck out, wah wah”. 

Also, the fact that he emphasized that he did/gave EVERYTHING for solely Dean definitely came off more than platonic to me. 

(Not to mention how close their faces were to each other; almost every time I watch this scene, I half expect them to start making out with each other.)

All I know is that from there on out, I looked forward to their interactions--well, even more than I already did-- and that I was looking at them in a different light.

“Bobby, what do you mean ‘Adam is gone’?”

“Should I say it in Spanish?”

lmaoo. Knowing Bobby, he probably could.

“What the hell happened to him?”

“Me.”

ayyyy

Unceremoniously dumped on the couch, lmao.

And I also kinda love that they asked about what happened to Dean only once, then proceeded to talk more about Adam. It may be because he’s the bigger fish to fry, but it kinda reads to me that Bobby and Sam are in silent agreement that Dean had that beating coming, so they won’t even ask more about it.

The Green Room.

Oh, Persephone move there bro.

“So you lied...about everything.”

“We didn’t lie. We just avoided certain truths to manipulate you.”

Adam, you poor fool.

i wonder who carried Dean down to the panic room.

“Word to the wise: don’t piss off the nerd angels.”

“Either it’s a trap to get me there to make me say yes, or it’s not a trap and I’m gonna say yes anyway. And I will. I’ll do it. Fair warning.” No, you won’t.

“When push shoves, you’ll make the right call.” Sam’s right.

“I—I don’t get it. Sam, why are you doing this?“

“Because… you’re still my big brother.”

I am like, Sam’s #1 fan when it comes to this episode. I am rooting like hell for him.

Van Nuys, California.

I love Dean’s reaction as Cas takes off his tie; he even looks over to Sam like “you seeing this?”

“Whoa, wait. You’re gonna take on five angels?”

“Yes.”

“Isn’t that suicide?”

“Maybe it is. But then I won’t have to watch you fail.”

RIP Dean, torn a new one by Cas.

Dean looked at Cas like he thought the box-cutter was for him.

RIP angel. Killed by Cas.

One down, four to go.

What a badass move.

“You came for me.”

“Yeah, well, you’re family.”

Awww.

Crap.

Zachariah’s just twisting the knife.

“Damn it, Zachariah. Stop it, please. I’ll do it.”

“I’m sorry. What was that?”

“Okay, yes. The answer is yes.”

:(

You can literally pinpoint the moment Dean changes his mind.

“I said…before Michael gets one piece of this sweet ass…he has to turn you into a piece of charcoal.” There’s the Dean I love.

“Michael’s not gonna kill me.” Zachariah’s last words.

RIP Zachariah. Killed by Dean. Still such a satisfying death!

Whoa, just realized Dean watched Zachariah die...and he still has eyeballs.

Dean lets go of Adam to help Sam. That one little decision with such huge consequences...

“Dean! Help! Deean!” 

Poor Adam. I really do feel sorry that he got caught up in all this. I’m kinda hoping they’ll address him a bit in S14.

“You think Adam’s okay?”

“Doubt it. Cas either. But we’ll get ‘em.” aww.

“So, what changed your mind?”

“Honestly? The damnedest thing. I mean, the world’s ending. The walls are coming down on us, and I look over to you and all I can think about is, ‘This stupid son of a bitch brought me here.’ I just didn’t want to let you down.” 

ACCEPT THE APOLOGY SAM.

“Just...let me say this. I don't know if it's being a big brother or what, but to me, you've always been this snot-nosed kid that I've had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that that's not you anymore. I mean, hell, if you're grown-up enough to find faith in me…the least I can do is return the favor. So screw destiny, right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way.”

That meant the universe to Sam.

HELL FUCKING YES DEAN. You are forgiven for the bull you pulled this episode.