#and they've never experienced a kind touch in their life

[urlocalwhumper]

living weapon whumpee who's never known anything but pain and violence.

their existence hurts. they were made to be effective, not happy, and their masters decided that keeping them in constant pain provided better results. they're wilder, more unpredictable, and the pain keeps them from thinking straight enough to question anything.

they're only given painkillers, only allowed a respite from their seemingly endless suffering, after a successful mission. it keeps them loyal, and most importantly, teaches their brain to associate acts of violence with relief and rewards.

everyone they've ever met has treated them as a tool, a monster, or both. they don't know how to be anything else.

that is until they're rampaging through a village, destroying, killing, whatever their masters demand of them. whatever will give them a few blissful hours of numbness.

one of the villagers steps out of a ruined building and looks them straight in the eyes. whumpee expects fear, hatred, disgust, the things they see in the faces of every person who's ever crossed their path. but they see something completely different.

compassion.

whumpee is so stunned, they don't think to move or do anything at all as the villager steps closer, gently reaching out a hand to cup whumpee's face.

"oh, poor thing." they murmur, taking in the creature in front of them - part human, part animal, part machine. "they've done a number on you, huh?"

whumpee blinks at them. pain continues to course through their body, but the gentle hand on their cheek distracts them, even if just a little. all the indistinct noise in their foggy, addled mind finally goes quiet.

caretaker had stepped out in front of the being destroying their home with the intention to get through to it or die trying, and the expectation to absolutely die trying.

they did not at all expect the seemingly feral mishmash of metal, fur, and flesh to lean so heavily into their touch that they nearly collapsed into caretaker's arms.

[alatrysev]

Imagine: you suddenly got the urge to just suck your lover's tits because they just looked suckable

Top!characterxbottom!mr

Imagine you just finished your lovemaking session with your lover, wanting to get up and finally wash yourself but that was a hard task because you were still impaled on your lover's cock

Imagine feeling slightly aroused because the man under you was constantly shifting and the cock inside you was still twitching!

Imagine you desperately wanted to ride and get revenge on the man for going so roughly after he promised he'll be gentle! having nothing to do, you just observed the man who luckily got you— observing his hair, his long eyelashes, the mole's littered across his neck and.. his man tits- this was your chance!

Imagine your hands slightly crawling up his chest and with just one squeeze- it almost made you clench on the sleeping guy's impaled dick in you! you just couldn't help it! it was so soft, warm and squishyy

Imagine after you played around with the sleeping male's tits, you slowly yet surely sucked on his nipple with the other hand groping and pinching the other- you were having the time of your life! thinking what would be this male's reaction when you suck on his nipples while he's awake? it sure did make you feel aroused- you started grinding down the sleeping guy's cock and your sucking on his nipples roughly progressed!

Imagine when you were unaware of the awoken male, just struggling to hold in his grunts. He looked shocked and amazed because of your audacity to even think of doing this, even taking advantage of him sleeping! watching how you grinded down his dick, massaging and eating his chest like it was your first meal of the day!

Imagine when you were having the time of your life, a hand gripped your arse- and boy did it make your heart fall outa your ass and that means either stop or there'll be no sleeping for you

you're a smart good boy so of course, you chose tits

Imagine where you were turned over and in full nelson position! the male wasted no time and immediately started pounding into you, still having not recovered from the past session made you extremely sensitive! each vein and each touch of his made you closer to cumming! these overwhelming sensations were making you slowly lose your mind

Imagine that however you try to beg for him to slow down, he just wouldn't listen and instead do the opposite!!

"how do you- mmh.. like that huh? just a while ago it seemed like you were..ngh- don't tighten up too much, bitch-" he paused and ceased his thrusts, readjusting you so whenever he thrusts, it immediately hits your prostrate on point! and did it make you see stars so fast, each thrust did truly hit your spot, on point! it was definitely making you go crazy! each thrust got rougher that it felt like your insides were being scraped off as his cock retracts! you couldn't deny the leg shaking pleasure tho, might just beg the male to do this kind of treatment again..well maybe..

"just- ngh! slOw down..please!" you begged, grabbing his arm to atleast ground yourself from the rough treatment, he answered your beg by simply tightening up his grip on your neck and again, feverishly thrusted up your abused and puffy hole, oh he wish that he could see each and every reaction of yours, but no matter tho, your twitching, whimpers, and moans proved that you were experiencing lots of pleasure like what he does! shookt out of his thoughts, he felt your hand slowly loosing it's grip and he remembered, he was still choking you!

after redeeming your oxygen back, everything was now heightened, his soft grunts and the squelching got more louder and it just added more into your pleasure! your drool and tears were continuously dripping down, your eyes felt like they would pop out of your skull just from how much they've rolled back! you definitely thought that this might be your last fuck cuz boy was this man suffocating you in pleasure! his thrusting never ceased but delivered a question by tapping your thigh, asking if you're good, feeling more naughty than ever, you just clenched tightly around the thick girth and were you rewarded by a loud grunt and a gush of hot, warm liquid inside you! it took the male to awhile finish up, it was like he was cumming rivers in you!

Pulling out his now soft cock, he swiped his hair back and looked down at you and he was greeted with a damned sight-

"That's all you got?..that was kinda lame don't you think?" you said mischievously while slyly grabbing your cheeks and presenting him, your abused boy pussy

Without a minute his dick sprang back in its full glory! hearing an amused chuckled "How i still wonder who's much more deranged than i am" he said while giving your lips a quick peck and joined you two, together once more..

Imagine that you got pounded so extremely hard that you were covered in cum, spit, sweat and tears! up still now, the sun is already shining but this asshole wouldn't let you go! you already learned your lesson as to not provoke this dude, ever.

Imagine when you woke up, you're wrapped up in the most fluffiest blanket ever!-but the heavy arm wrapped around you, ruined your mood because you remembered what happened last night! that asshole didn't even stop from how much you've passed out! but..you would't admit that you definitely have a thing for that kind of treatment now..

☆: this was inspired from a fic I've read in wattpad before and i forgot who made the fic but dang got reminded cuz i saw sum man tits last night so yeah-also, i was supposed to upload this last night but my annoying ah flu wouldn't let me, so yeah, hope you enjoyed! please request!! and have an awesome day!

Taglists☆

@darlingminjin @kikizhly

[pippin-katz]

Edwin's Parents Canonically Did Not Hug Him

I was watching interviews of the boys for a post I'm working on, and fucking excuse me?!

Source: Advocate Channel Interview, Timestamp 3:17

We have confirmation from George that Edwin's parents did not hug him while he was alive. It's due much more to the time period rather than neglectful parenting, but that is still crazy to think about. He also says "parents", meaning both his father and his mother; neither of them gave him any kind of physical affection.

The repressive time period causing Edwin's parents to be very emotionally absent from his life is not a new concept, and it gets brought up in varying intensities in fanfics I've read, but it always felt like a fuzzy, floating concept based on speculation heavily supported by probability. I knew it was an accurate assumption, but I couldn't reach out and touch it, if that makes any sense. Now, it's concrete in my mind.

It gives this scene even more weight:

Edwin's expressions, while already perfectly understandable, make even more sense. The way he's seemingly pained by the embrace at first. He did not even realize how badly he needed and wanted this kind of affection.

There is such a strong surge of pure joy, comfort, and love from the hug that it hurts him, because he realizes in that moment what he's been deprived of his entire life and existence. Edwin has existed for over a hundred years, and even though it's hard to believe, they've never hugged each other like this in the thirty years they've been together. I don't think I could ever confidently say that they never hugged, ever, in thirty years, especially given how physical Charles is with his affection.

But that expression on Edwin's face in undeniable.

George says earlier in video that Edwin "lacks the skill set to keep up" with all of the new emotions he's experiencing, and you can feel that in the way his face changes.

Edwin hugs him back, and lets out a big breath, relieved and satisfied by the embrace. The wave of emotions passes as he realizes that even if he overwhelmed and terrified by the love he's feeling, it feels good to hug Charles. He realizes that he wants to hug Charles, that he's allowed to want to hug Charles, and that he actually can hug Charles.

God, the amount of emotions Edwin has in that moment that he's completely unequipped for, simply because he's never experienced it, not even from the people closest to him in life. It's heartbreaking, but seeing him learning how it feels to be loved for the first time is so beautiful.

Edwin, the character that you are... George Rexstrew, the actor that you are... 😔🩵

(ko-fi)

[nothorses]

I think the thing about it for me is that transmascs have the fundamental right to tell you what our experiences with misogyny and male privilege are, not the other way around.

You don't know what we go through unless we tell you. I don't know what other transmascs go through unless they tell me. Cis women, other trans people, even people with the exact same identities, the exact same life trajectories- none of us know what another person is experiencing or has experienced, let alone how they have interpreted and internalized those experiences, unless they tell us. Even then, we will only ever have access to an imperfect version of that true experience filtered through several layers of language and our own perception & biases.

Does this clash with what feminism says about men's experiences? Yes, absolutely! A lot of (generally mainstream) feminism believes that women Know what men experience better than they themselves do, colored as those experiences are by bias and privilege. And this is a fundamentally isolating, egotistical belief. It cuts us off from each other, it prevents us from connecting, and it shuts down meaningful conversation before it can happen. It says women are pure and perfect, and men are sullied by privilege; that anyone touched by privilege cannot be trusted, and should not trust themselves.

When cis men say they've never experienced privilege, the answer should not be, "you don't know that," it should be vulnerability & curiosity. Why do you think that? I find that hard to believe for these reasons, but I want to know more. I want to co-create understanding with you. Are you curious about me, too? Will you offer me this same kindness? (And if not, they're probably not worth your energy!)

And y'know what, maybe they haven't actually experienced the things you think they have! Maybe the framework you are using is imperfect- maybe it works on a systems analysis level, but it doesn't apply universally. Particularly when we're talking about marginalized men!

This idea that experiencing privilege means you cannot be trusted, ever, to understand that privilege or to know when you have or haven't experienced it? It's so fucking dangerous. Case in point: transfems should be able to talk about the ways in which they might have experienced male privilege without it immediately discrediting everything else they have to say, up to and including about their own identities.

We cannot operate like this. A framework that denies people's self-knowledge will never be capable of liberating anyone.

So yes, actually, some transmascs may experience conditional male privilege at times. But will you, do you believe transmascs when we tell you that we don't?

[sleepyiswhumping]

living weapons <3

can you imagine what itd be like to love someone whos known nothing but pain for their whole life. someone whos only purpose has been to hurt and be hurt? the unfamiliarity with the gentle, the kind, the soft because they've only ever experienced the brutal, the cruel, the rough? the discomfort when it comes to physical contact, because theyve only ever been touched in a fight or as a punishment? how difficult it would be? how they dont communicate because they never were taught to. how they bottle everything up, hiding their mental and emotional anguish behind the stoic shield theyve had up forever. trying to help them, love them? coaxing them out of their shell, healing their crushed, fractured being. teaching them everything theyve never known, what love truly is? can you imagine taking a creature that is more scar than skin and bringing them back from the darkness with nothing but love, care, kindness? staying up with them, comforting them after their nightmares, holding them as they weep for the first time in years? reminding them that their scars, mental or physical, do not define who they are, that they're so much more than what they've been conditioned to believe. they aren't just a living weapon, not anymore. they're someone who deserves love and affection, who deserves so much more than what theyve had for the past several years? can you imagine the sleepless nights, where theyre afraid to sleep because of night terrors that bring them back to their fighting days, their punishment days? trying to convince them that you don't care about their scars, because you don't, their scars dont define who they are. you love them, the creature, the person, for who they are, and nothing could ever change that. the hours you spend together each day, in silence, because they dont know how to communicate their emotions, they never learned? so you just sit there, taking comfort in the safety of each other's presence, knowing that the other is there for you, always?

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Sometimes I see some excellent discussion around s1e5, which is just such a meaty episode, and a fun little game to play on rewatches is trying to spot the moment Ed's "fans" at the party stop laughing with him and start laughing at him.

And honestly? I kinda think it adds to the episode if you understand it as them laughing at him all along, with him just being too caught up in thinking it's possible for him to "win this interaction" to notice.

There's definitely a shift, there's a turning point at the dinner table when the angles go all unsettling as Ed realizes what's been happening, when Antoinette reaches for the bows in his beard in a very on-the-nose mirror of the experience pretty much every poc has ever had of someone feeling entitled to touch our hair, when a cork pops in the background and Ed flinches and they just keep laughing at him, but Ed is so unused to the passive-aggressive style of racism he experienced that I truly think they've been laughing at him all along and he just wasn't forced to acknowledge it until that moment.

From the start, they exoticize Ed, playing up his outlandish stories and making him the center of attention, and rewatching is so unsettling because you know they don't see Ed as a person, they see him as a novelty. Stede, unused to both the apparently positive attention Ed is getting and not equipped to notice the racist undertones, can't expect what's going to happen, and Ed's certainly more used to the kind of racism where people just call him a donkey to his face, so he tries so fucking hard to win these people over, to get them to laugh with him, unaware that they're already sharing a joke at his expense.

And I think it's honestly hard to get the whole point of the episode if you don't approach it with this reading! From the minute Ed walks in there, the only brown guest in the room, he's "lost" the game he wanted to play. It's a confirmation for him of his mother's warning that some people aren't meant for that life and never will be, and it's the reason why, when Stede tells him he thought Ed was actually quite sophisticated, letting him know that he'd done nothing fucking wrong, Ed falls for that man like a pile of bricks.

[toriangeli]

Before this season, I didn't really want Devil's Minion to have happened in the past, simply because I feel like experiencing so much of Armand's character arc via flashback wasn't going to be very effective. At the same time, I thought, if they can leave Armand opaque enough to us that we're always guessing where his head is and what he's up to, it would work.

And by George, I think they've done it.

Because of a look Armand gives Daniel when he's upended his life.

Louis leaves the table. Armand's gaze follows him, then lands in shock on Daniel. He's still staring at Daniel as his shock turns into terror. He's still looking at Daniel when he calls Louis' name, then runs after him.

And we've already forgotten about the surprise they had for Daniel at dinner.

Later, Louis tells Armand not to touch Daniel or harm him in any way.

Thinking back on it, did we never learn why Armand erased so much of Louis' memory of the events around the original interview? Because where Armand is concerned, that actually resolved well, with Louis recommitting to Armand. Why would Armand return it to the state of endless purgatory it was before? I still don't think Louis asked him to do it.

So I wonder if the plan was to turn Daniel, and Armand's look of terror before going after Louis was him realizing Louis would never agree to do it now. Him wanting Louis to be the one to do it, so that his and Daniel's minds can be open to each other, and Daniel won't inevitably come to hate Armand for his turning. It's too late. Louis won't do it, and he warns Armand not to do it either.

Perhaps, in the past, Louis and Armand did break up for whatever reasons. Armand started stalking Daniel, DM happened to some degree. When it ended, Armand returned to Louis, erasing his memory of what happened after biting Daniel so he could get back together with him. Hearing of Daniel's illness, Armand couldn't bear the thought of Daniel dying, so Louis came up with this plan.

The problems with this: if Louis has agreed to do it, he must know why Armand wants it done. Then why erase the memories of their fight and the suicide attempt? And why would Armand act like he's against the interview? It could be an act, sure, but why? Would Louis refuse to do it if he believed Armand wanted it? WHY?

I don't have answers, just a bunch of pieces. I kind of love it that way, though. Anyone have any ideas?

[astrologydayz]

ASTEROIDS IN A SYNASTRY CHART - ROMANTIC/SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP❤️

A MAN'S Sun conjunct/trine/quintile a WOMAN'S Groom asteroid - 5129 = she sees him as the "ultimate" husband here with Sun. His conscious ego match up with what she’s looking 4 in a husband! The way he can make her day brighter, just by him being him, is something she desperately wants2keep for the rest of her life. He can be her a saviour a lot2! His confidence/the way he shines, is something she'll always BE SO FUCKING AMAZED BY!

A MAN'S Moon conjunct/trine/quintile a WOMAN'S Groom asteroid - 5129 = The way he bare his feelings out2her, is something she's so fucking amazed&touched by. The way he open his heart, without holding anything back is something she NEEDS in a husband❤️. She sees him as zaddy material, because of the way he "shows up4her"- emotional security! Look at sign/s/houses&both natal charts 2 see how this will play out exactly❤️.

A MAN'S Mercury conjunct/trine/quintile a WOMANS'S Groom asteroid - 5129 = hubby material, when it comes2 his voice, his mind/mentality, the way he talks&communicates/writing - speaking abilities/his hands&arms2✋🏼💪🏼. He can be her best friend2, someone she can go to with anything, without the fear of being judged! Their minds connect, in a way she's never experienced with anyone before🧡.

SUN conjunct/trine/quintile LUST asteroid - 4386 = Lust person is sexually attracted to Sun person, because of Sun's ego/because of the way Sun person puts themselves 1st/bc of their "nonchalant attitude"! Sun can be some kind of protecter, when it comes 2 Lust person, & lust person finds that hot af! Sun usually won't share what's theirs/or what they're "smashing". Sun person lighted up Lust persons world, after they started a sexual relationship!👄

MOON conjunct/trine/quintile LUST asteroid - 4386 = Lust is sexually attracted to moon, because of who they are on an emotional level/their feelings, & because they provide a safe space4 lust 2 do whatever they want 2 sexually, & still have them feeling comfortable af while doing it. Lust can go inane with what kind of Lust, they have for 4 moon person🫣. they just can't get enough. Crazyyy orgasms4Lust2!! Lust won't just let the Moon person out of their sight. ONE OF THE BEST ASPECTS 2 HAVE IN SYNASTRY, IN MY OPINION!

MERCURY conjunct/trine/quintile LUST asteroid - 4386 = Lust person is sexually attracted 2 Mercury person because of the way their voice sounds, the way they talk + dirty talk included, the way they think - their mentality/. Mercury can make lust cum quick, with their hands/fingers & tongue!👅 Makes sense cuz 99% of the time = Lust is sexually attracted 2 Mercury's arms/hands/&fingers!

VENUS conjunct/trine/quintile KISS asteroid - 8267 = Venus LOVES the way the asteroid person uses their mouth&And tongue 2 create long, loving makeout sessions between them, with a feeling of sacredness hanging in the air afterwards. They kiss Venus with so much care, &moves with so many gentle movements, that it makes Venus question their past kisses. They never knew what a REAL kiss was, until they met the asteroid person💋.

Mars conjunct/trine/quintile KISS asteroid - 8267 = Asteroid person wants 2 be rough with Mars person! Rough makeout sessions, where they give each other marks/half of their apartment ruined/destroy each others clothes while kissing😍. Asteroid person being aggressive towards the Mars person, biting their lip, biting their neck&body - won't stop before they leave something behind - marks💅.

Jupiter conjunct/trine/quintile KISS asteroid - 8267 = Jupiter "teaching"/helping the asteroid person with how 2 kiss/if not how, then helping them out somehow. Jupiter can be the asteroid persons 1st real "kiss". Jupiter teaching them everything they've learned. Kiss person being taught things on a whole other level🥇. "New level unlocked" sirr🤓.

VENUS conjunct/trine/quintile "DOMINIONA" asteroid - 24899 = Asteroid person will always be the dominating force in the relationship, no matter what. Like taking the decisions & so on. Venus can try & butt in, but with no prevail. Venus can actually like this. That they can lean on the asteroid person in&out of bed. Venus know they're protected by Asteroid person, &that's what really matters2them. Asteroid person can love using candle dripping, bondage, cuffs, toys and stuff like that on Venus! But in a way more "loving" way than with Mars, Saturn, or Pluto - examples🕯💋.

MARS conjunct/trine/quintile "DOMINIONA" asteroid - 24899 = A constant battle between two dicks trying to overgrow each other😭😂. But in a good way actually. Asteroid person will always try 2 dominate Mars, but Mars can't be dominated, so they'll dominate back. But asteroid person can't be dominated either, so they'll keep on having this "battle" about who's the "strongest & baddest", but this battle is also what keeps the relationship so goddamn passionate & alive. Big fights, but violent make up sex after. They can use chains, paddles, "flogging", even violence/hard bdsm 2pleasure themselves, & each other𓀃⛓️.

GALATEA asteroid - 74 conjunct Vertex = secret love triangles, that will be brought 2 Vertex person by the Galatea person🙄.

ALMA asteroid - 390 conjunct Vertex = They'll bring Vertex person a soulmate/or they can be that soulmate. Look at everything!!!💜

DNA asteroid - 55555/child asteroid - 4580 conjunct Vertex = Happy mother's/father's day baby!!!🤳

THANKS4READING!!💙

Appreciate u, always💜.

[luveline]

hi Jade!! I LOVE your remus with my whole heart. can I request remus comforting shy!reader after a bullying incident?!

thank you ♡ cw bullying 

People tend to assume that the entirety of the pain that stems from experiencing bullying is just the hurt, but a bigger part is the shame. How can you allow someone to do this to you? Where's your backbone? 

You're sure Remus is thinking it as he pulls egg shells from your hair. What else could he think? What grown woman allows her housemates to smash eggs against her head, in her own kitchen? He's been quiet since he picked you up, sniffling on the side of the road outside of your house with nothing more than your purse. 

He drops a last egg shell into the sink. You're standing beside it, the few inches of height he has over you feeling taller and taller as the night goes on. You've never felt so small in your life. 

"That's all of the shell." 

You avoid his eye. "Thank you." 

His hand bumps your stomach. Careful, Remus draws a line to your sternum, where it curls into a ball. It presses tight to you as he steps close, forcing you to raise your head. 

"What are you thinking?" he asks. 

"'M embarrassed, mostly." 

"What do you have to be embarrassed of?" he asks, his hand leaping up. His fingers spread across your chest, and it's all a little much. 

You slip from between him and the counter top with your shoulders pulling up like they've been tied with string, a corset yanked in. "You know what," you say miserably. 

Remus catches up with you. He's more cautious now, asking before he touches you. "Can I have your hand, lovely?" 

You give it to him because you're desperate to know that someone likes you. Remus loves you, evident in the tenderness with which he takes your hand, and how he doesn't flinch when you start tearing up. 

"If you're embarrassed by what someone else did to you, that's okay, but there's no need. No need." 

"You don't think it's pathetic?" you ask quietly. 

His tone —that bordered stoic only moments ago— threatens to crack. "It's not pathetic. It's pathetic how those girls treated you, and it's pathetic that I haven't done better looking after you. But you're not pathetic, sweetheart. You're just not. They're cruel, sour girls who–" Remus bites off his sentence to touch his nose briefly against your cheek. "You're not pathetic. You're anything but." 

"Why do they hate me so much?" you whisper. 

"I don't know. But it's something wrong with them, and not you. There's a level of meanness to this that can't be antagonised, sweetheart, I can't imagine how you'd ever deserve it." He wraps his arm around your shoulders with care. "Let's go wash your hair, yeah? Can we do that?" 

Remus hasn't washed your hair before. You're not sure how to cope with it. The aching tears slow, a weird pain you could almost say feels cathartic taking root as you close them against the shower spray. Remus hums a loving sound under his breath as he wets your hair, washing out the stringy whites and slimy yolks. You feel it trickle down your back. 

"I love you very much," Remus says suddenly, breaking a comfortable if heavy silence. "I know it doesn't make this sort of thing better, but I think I know you well, I know you're sweet, and kind, and you have so much love to give. If they can't see that, it's because they don't want to."

He makes it sound infallible. You know it isn't anything that grand, they aren't thinking of you like he is. They just don't like you because of something you've said or done, or not said or done, and they're comfortable expressing it. Maybe that's your doing for being meek, but when Remus says it like this, you could believe it isn't your fault at all. 

"It does make it better," you confess. Knowing you have him on your side, and that he thinks highly of you, definitely makes it easier to cope with. 

"You're good as gold. I promise I'll make this better." 

Remus finishes washing your hair. The longer he touches you the more flustered you become, worse when he wraps you in towels and then a dressing gown and then thick blankets, marking each layer with a kiss. He sits at the middle of the bed to pull your legs into his lap, massages moisturiser into them in quiet. It would be a miracle if he couldn't feel the capering skip of your pulse beneath it. He's touched you tenderly a hundred times before but this is different —he's seeing you at your very lowest, and he's building you back up. 

His hand rests on the soft inside of your thigh. "You don't ever have to go back there again. Me and the boys could pack your things, I'll help you pay the rent that overlaps. You don't have to… well, you can stay with me as long as you need. I'd love to keep you." 

You rub your hot cheek with the side of your hand, looking down at his arm and its stark green veins. 

"You're so good to me," you say. 

Remus takes on a teasing, almost blasé attitude, arms winding behind your back and pulling you close as he says, "You deserve good!" passionately enough to trick a smile from you. "I have no choice but to be good to you. I can't help it. I haven't tried otherwise, obviously, but nothing in me ever wants to. I meant everything I said, yeah? You're my sweetheart." 

You breathe out of your nose, unable to meet his eyes. He shuffles closer across the bed, kissing your warm cheek. "Sorry. I'm embarrassing you." 

But it's like he said earlier: you've nothing to be embarrassed of. 

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.193 I got time

I love my wife; I love my child; I love my dogs; and I love this house. Life is incredible right now. What I feel is probably just remnants of endorphins from recent happy moments that will fade soon, but I intend to enjoy this high as long as it lasts. Sophia has been amazing through this move, and I never would have imagined she'd be the one leading the entire operation after her strong initial resistance. But when you've found your home, you just feel it. This kitchen is my absolute favorite of all my kitchens. It's not necessarily the nicest or the largest, because our last kitchen was pretty awesome. The actual workspace is about the same as what we had before, but the open floor plan makes it feel way less confined. I think, after the birthday party, I'm gonna change some things around and put a sofa where Desi's dollhouse is. That's how Less' kitchen is set up. I thought little of it because she needs it. When she and all her kids sit around the table, there's no room for anyone else. But as I think about how we'll gather in this space, I realize I need to make it more conducive to how it will be used.

My mind drifted while eating breakfast because my little girl ages up today. I am happy, and sad, and proud, and excited, and scared, and I feel crazy experiencing all of this simultaneously. That's when it hit me: I'm gonna be feeling crazy like this for the rest of my life. Desiree will never stop growing and starting new chapters, and we're going for the ride right along with her. Now I understand why my parents always beamed at me with such pride and admiration. Watching your child blossom is such a magical experience.

A text from Chi Chi jolted me out of my thoughts. It said my tenants haven't taken out their trash all week, which means they've been letting the trash pile up in the house. That message both alarmed me and made me laugh because I never pictured her being the neighborhood watch type. I appreciate her looking out, though, because I would never know. I drafted a lenient rental agreement to further enhance the home-like environment I want this family to enjoy. A bunch of rules would just cause friction between us, as most of the usual ones are unnecessary for a single-family house. The only thing I was adamant about was keeping the place tidy. I will not abide someone trashing our house and inviting all manner of pests like a neon we're open sign. I considered letting them off with a warning for the first offense, but if I've learned anything from Dub's saga, it's that I need to be firm from the jump. So, I sent them a §600 fine via the system. Within minutes, I received an email saying they weren't going to pay! My eyebrow went up so high it could have touched my hairline. Looks like I need to get dressed and get over there.

When I arrived, I laughed to myself because, of course, all the trash had magically disappeared, and I knew they were going to fight me, saying I falsely accused them or some other nonsense. Unluckily for them, I've got time for shenanigans.

"So, what's this about not paying my fine?"

He had that deer in headlights look.

"Uhh...heh, ehhh, I was just jerking you around dude."

I'm sure I had the blankest of expressions because I didn't know how to respond to that and halfway believed I even heard what I thought I heard.

"I was just trying to see how far I could go," he continued. "We've lived in a lot of places with all kinds of landlords. I just had to see what kind you are."

What kind of a landlord am I? I may not have to worry about money anymore, but I'm not running a charity. That's the kind of landlord I am, heh.

"I see. I'm chill. And I'm fair. But if you don't pay what you owe, we've got problems."

"Understood. I'll pay the fine right now. And sorry about the trash. It's just been one of those weeks."

I can't say I've ever had a week so bad I forgot to take out the trash, but I also do not have twins. I know just how hectic life can get with an infant, but two of them? Yikes. As a fellow first-time father, I cut him some slack. I'm still expecting that payment, though.

[miss0atae]

Random Thoughts about The On1y One (EP 7) : Home is where the heart is.

This episode was again so satisfying to watch. It's been 7 episodes so far and I can say without any doubts that you can't get bored in The On1y One. Things may move slowly, but it's just like a narrow path we're taking on a journey to learn more about our main leads. We gradually uncover more about them. You see where their loneliness comes from and how they found in each other someone who can help them overcome it. Their attachment is real and so touching. You can't be indifferent. This time we learn about why Tian is feeling always ready to leave. How lonely it must have been to be a child left to live with your grandmother who has dementia. Your parents are not here and you can only count on yourself and the small kind attentions you sometimes receive. We understand why Tian can be so protective on those who he has affection for. If you give him love, he will give it back to you so much. It was just like when he was a kid and the cat of Mr. Ding gave him the affection he was clearly lacking. The cat died, but Tian found in Wang another someone who gives him what he desperately needs deep down.

They've been giving us some hint about Tian's relationship with his father and it doesn't sound good. I wonder if his father was a bit abuse to him. It's not clearly stated in this episode, but what we know is that he wasn't a good father anyway. He never gave Tian the love he deserves and that's why he didn't feel like staying with him. It's really sad because his father was an orphan. I thought that when you had to grow up by yourself, if one day you get to have a child, maybe you'll want them to avoid living the same loneliness you had to endure. I may be wrong as I've never been an orphan… but that's what I believe. Unfortunately, Tian's father has his own traumas and he wasn't caring enough about his son. At least, Tian's mother is feeling guilty because she felt like she missed her son's childhood and she is trying. Obviously, it won't change the fact that Tian had to grow up by himself and it has left scars on him (physically and morally). That's why, he is always on the go, ready to move and never feeling like he has a place to stay. Wang learned about all of these and you can see how it resonates in him. He also knows what is loneliness. They have both experienced it in a very different way. Wang is also very loyal just like Tian and they life are now intertwined.

I really liked the time they spent together. You can see from each episode how their bond is growing. Wang said to Tian “I will be by your side” and he meant it. I feel Tian wasn’t expecting this, but it really made a big impression on him. Has anyone said these words to him before? When you’re a child, you need your loved ones around you and you need them to tell you about how much they love you and care for you. We all needs to know that we are loved. You don’t need many people, but at least one, is enough. For someone who was “abandoned” by his family, finding someone who wants to be by your side is changing everything. Especially, as Wang wants to live with Tian on the dorm, just the two of them. Wang is offering Tian, a home. Tian won’t have to wander anymore, ready to leave at any point, with his suitcase. He will have the chance to finally unpack all his belonging somewhere. What is a home? They are several answers. It can be a place where you live or it can be a broader definition of “family”. Home can become the place for forging and nourishing human attachment bonds. You can get it a sense of belonging. By offering Tian the opportunity to share a dorm with him, Wang is in fact offering him to be part of his “family”. “Family” can refer to people who live together by choice and are not related by blood bonds.

I can’t wait to see if they finally convinced their parents about this idea and if Tian is finally getting rid of that damn suitcase. Tomorrow won’t come fast enough to get the answer.

[thefrogdalorian]

For me, the final scene of Season 3 of The Mandalorian is one of the most beautiful scenes in the entire show because of what it represents for the character of Din Djarin.

It really feels like a huge milestone in Din's life, a moment when he gets to sit back on the planet which he helped to save repeatedly from various threats and unsavoury characters on a piece of land all of his own. Now, he can finally enjoy a little peace and quiet in a way we previously never saw him have the opportunity to. All thanks to the kindness of a friend too.

Greef Karga, a man who cares for Din so much even if they had quite a complicated relationship over the years, initially offered the land to Din during Chapter 17. Back then, Din had unfinished business, but now after everything he accomplished, he can accept the offer. It's so satisfying to see Din finally receive help and kindness from a friend after all of the times he has selflessly helped others in the past.

Watching Din sit back while Grogu plays with frogs is so satisfying because it's such a simple moment. That simplicity is what makes it so touching, especially but when you think about how much it took for both of them to get there. From Din's decision to rescue Grogu in the first place, to let Grogu go when Luke came to train him despite how much it hurt Din and all the trials and tribulations they experienced while retaking Mandalore.

I think Din finally feeling able to put down roots on a planet he has such a connection to feels earned, deserved and SO monumental for the character who we met as this hardened, isolated and lonely bounty hunter. That he can just let himself sit back and appreciate some time with the child he just adopted as his son after everything they've been through together. It really is so sweet.

I also like that it isn't the actual end for Din just yet. Even if it proves to be the final scene of The Mandalorian show as we know it (though I really hope not), I don't think it could have been sweeter or more satisfying.

I cannot wait to see what lies ahead but for now, it feels like a fitting place to leave Din and Grogu's story. To close the page on this chapter of their lives until we get to see what comes next.

Finally, the two orphaned Mandalorian foundlings, who have been outsiders for so much of their lives and experienced untold trauma, have a home together.

[breathing-the-same-air]

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I have to admit I hadn't cried when I first learnt about season 3 - I half expected it, and I was at work at the time so there was no room for tears.

I've totally not been lying in bed watching this video and helplessly crying for the past ten minutes😭

OFMD has been so meaningful to me that it's hard to even put it into words. I think it is one of those things that happen once in history, and today I was really hit by the realisation that I was lucky enough to be alive at this very moment, and to get to be a part of this wonderful family. I feel so extremely blessed and grateful for it.

And of course this is not the end, it will never be. That's what's magical about stories, they last forever, you can always go back to page one and start again. And it's just like with people - it doesn't really matter how long you live, what matters is how you live. It matters that two seasons of this show created what no doubt is one of the healthiest fandoms to ever exist. It matters that people who had never felt seen or heard now feel so much more confident and happier. It matters that it made a difference.

There is real magic in this show. It goes far beyond what it says explicitly, there is something else, something that has touched all our hearts and lit up a light in them we didn't know existed, something that brought out the best in us, that inspired us immensely, that gave us the ability to love ourselves as we never could before. We all have experienced this in one way or another, it was a magic that the crew and fandom created together, one of those miracles that can only be meant to be, and I am so thankful it happened.

I know, we are all heartbroken, and there would be so much to say about cast, producers and fandoms not being listened to enough, about queer representation, and the wonderful people who worked on this show really, really deserve to have their season 3, so we have all the reasons to feel angry right now. But I choose to take the lesson OFMD keeps teaching us all - choose kindness. Choose love.

I choose to be grateful, infinitely grateful, for the wonderful souls who made this possible. They are artists and they are saviours and I hope they know how much of a difference they've made in the lives of us all.

I generally try to keep the more spiritual side of my writings in their own sideblog but I'll break my own rule now, as I don't think a threshold exists anymore. OFMD is about earthly life as much as it is about spirituality, it's about life and death, about love and hate, it's about everything because at the end of the day everything, everyone, is connected - by love.

Love is the energy that holds the Universe together, love is what we all are made of, and love is infinite. OFMD is infinite. It will live forever in each one of us, because we are not separate entities; as much as we may not realise it, we are all one. And we will forever be a crew.

[angels-are-sinning]

thoughts on how the riley family made simon instinctually latch onto soap.

something about how the generational gap is during simon and his own parents. i think his grandparents -- experienced the world war(s), of course, and from what i've seen from those parents and their children they aren't very affectionate.

they don't normally say "i love you" or display affection with hugs and kisses. maybe it's cultural differences or something. from what i see from that generation, they're more reserved and withdrawn. they leave their children to fend for themselves in a way. like if you think about those stories of immigrant parents and how they don't really say I love you but show their love in other ways. maybe not verbally but physically. in other means.

i suppose i think that way for simon's own parents too; when you read the comics, you don't see affection shared between his parents or himself, but he holds his mother in a high regard.

there's this wonderful headcanon that's about how "ghost doesn't say "I love you" a lot." and i agreed, since i think when he loves someone, he doesn't say he loves them more so than he shows he does care for them. acts of service and stuff. I attended a funeral of someone's mother, who lived through the great depression and second world war. her daughter talked about how her mother only hugged her once in her life, at least when she could remember -- and that was when she graduated medical school. i think maybe the riley family was like that too, even if simon's parents weren't conservative (they were shown to be previous punks Back in the day ((and punks were political)).) they still were Conservative in raising their children.

but to add to the angst, i don't think that simon handled it very well. i imagine him to be touch-starved, even if he doesn't like to say it or admit he needs the company or presence of other people to be around with, to feel safe. i think he was very quiet and shy when he was younger, keeping to himself more, and not one for social crowds and public events. keeping his distance. but i think a part of him longed for a family, a loving one, like the ones in the sitcoms with loud laughter and many jokes which were popular back when he was a teenager. i guess maybe that's why he was also drawn to the 141, seeing them as his family in a way, that he couldn't have, because his actual family and his parents were the type who .. Needed to be asked if you wanted any sort of affection with them. and i think simon's too embarrassed to ask.

to add to the angst: he knows his parents do love him. he's grateful. he has a house. and he has food and a good education and clothes. but he desperately craves love, warmth, attention, things that his parents did not/or could not provide for him. but even if they do love him, love is useless if it cannot be understood by the recipient. he feels guilty that he feels like this, that he needs More of what they've already provided for him.

bonus points if maybe his parents (or at least his mother) worked really hard out of destitute poverty and is stretched thin to give her children a comfortable life, but never really said anything about it.

(((i like the idea of his father was from some wealthier means, but was kind of shunned for marrying someone of a lower class and thus unable to inherit or was excluded from the high society his childhood offered Etcetera because of his "relations".

A marriage for love that was doomed to fail from the start. How his grandparents on "that" side of the family were right about his father.

Simon got hit with the double combo: working class background trauma (you hurt me so much but you broke your back working for me to have a good life) from his mum and the generational trauma (controlling rich parents) from his dad...

it also makes it easier for simon to instinctively care for his mother more than his father because his father Does have somewhere to go back to, if this family fails. he can easily rebuild with another woman and have other children with her. but maybe his mother has no one except this family.

so soap comes in. soap, gaz, price, the 141. somehow he feels at home with them, how they feel more like a family than the one he had. his house was relatively quiet. not many conversations shared during meals. some brotherly bonding, sure. but his father was usually absent (for work) and his mother was always busy, or very tired after work that she couldn't do anything else when she got home.

but the 141?

they were there for him. gaz was there by his side and elbowing him whenever soap made a joke. soap, the sunshine, always cheerful. price and his fatherly nature towards the 141, as if they were his children. his to nurture. his to protect. i think maybe that's also why ghost is more drawn to price than his actual biological father, because price Acts like an actual dad. deep down, he's been longing for this. touch starved. aching for some sort of warmth and affection, even if its just a shared look or a graze of the hand. he craves touch. he craves for attention, after being withheld from it for so long.

[imahinatjon]

Kinda got lost on what I was doing at the end of this one. Think I droned on a bit.

Also spelt wriothesley wrong the entire time so sorry about that

Anyway

wriothesley x reader 18+ 💋

Playing catch up

You were an innmate at the fortress of Meropide. Wriothsley didn't care why or how though. No, right now? He cared about how purely naive and oblivious you were.

Here's the story:

You and he were somewhere around the same age, and you'd become friendly during your earlier years at the fortress just before he became Duke. You weren't exactly close because of this fact, but with his position and the positive changes he enforced, you felt that he was the right man to talk to about a lot of things.

One of these things you felt you could talk to him about... was sex.

See, the other woman in your shared dormitory had been talking about men.

There were a lot of men in the fortress, but one woman was talking specifically about her boyfriend, still on the surface, and how... fervently they'd come together when her sentence was up - in a few months.

The second woman was content with her life in the Fortress and spoke openly of her sexual adventures within, she had a good life there, and could indulge in whoever she wanted, to an extend. She was satisfied.

The third woman was a little more prudish, but being as close as she was to her roommates, she opened up under vert little pressure and told them about one of the men she'd been seeing recently - a sweet guy who was a hard worker. They shared a lot in common and she was sure she was in love with him.

Then the three woman turned to you, the 4th, their other roomate. You must have looked like a deer in headlights because they told you you don't need to share if your uncomfortable. You shook your head at them

"It's not that... I just... I'm afraid I don't understand"

"Are you by chance..." one of the woman asked, a little shocked

"I-it doesn't matter, you don't need to tell us if you don't want to!" The third woman told you.

You nodded at them.

But the conversation had you thinking.

You knew very little of what they talked about, you wanted to relate, but you couldn't.

So you asked for help. From Writhosley, which, in hindsight, asking a man you had a slight crush on for advice about sex was NOT the best idea, purely for your own nerves, as you were just realising how suggestive your question was. So you tried to explain.

"Its just. the other woman, they've had all kinds of experienced, but I've never had any... it's hard to relate and I wanted to ask them, but... it's a little embarrassing"

"So you came to me?"

Writhosley sat in his office chair, looking up at you as you fidgeted. You asked him to avoid embarrassing yourself, and here you are embarrassing yourself ten times more.

He found it a little endearing. And cute.

Still, he had one question. How had you gone this far into your adult life and never even experimented. He'd never ask you that or course, but he'd offer his assistance.

That's why you were lay on his desk later that same night, he was showing you how to use your hands, or well, his hand.

He was leant over you, his fingers deep inside curling at all the right points, he had you squeeling.

Within minutes, he had you clenching around his fingers, rubbing yourself against his thumb that pressed so deliciously against your clit as you came down from your high. With how quick it was, he doubted you'd ever even touched yourself before.

The next time you visited him, he showed you how to use his mouth. It was... sensational, he had you whining and moaning and writhing over his desk while he sat comfortably on his chair, face buried in your most sensitive parts.

You came twice that time. He only stopped because didn't want to overwhelm you.

The third time, he hadn't actually arranged to meet you, he wasn't planning it, but you cane to his office of your own volition.

"You're doing so much to help me... I wanted... to help you too... if... y'know..." You weren't sure how to ask, and if was absolutely adorable of you. To stand infront of him, clenching your thighs together and twiddling your thumbs, offering to... help him. You'd noticed his trousers strain a couple of times, a tent forming, one that had you feeling more aroused every time you caught a glimpse. And when listening to the other woman you shared a room with, that meant he was exited. And... well, you'd be more than happy to get on your knees for him.

He let you too, sat at his desk, chair turned to the side so you'd have room. You used your hand to jack him off. At some point you must have grown curious of something, because your tongue was flicking over his tip, gathering precum, giving you a taste. Apparently you liked it, because you took him as far as you could into your mouth after that.

And boy oh boy were you a natural. You were oddly good at sucking him dry, he had to pull you off in the end, after he'd come, afraid you'd overestimate him too much if he let you go for another round... and then another... and...

He didn't offer a fourth time, a fourth lesson. He wasn't willing to go any further with you, not because he didn't want to, no, he REALLY wanted to. But, well, you weren't in a relationship, so, to go much further, was out of the question. He wasn't going to make you do that. (Not that he was making you do anything anyway, but still)

"So...what now...?" You asked him.

You associated his office with pleasure, but that pleasure was dissipating when he said he wasn't going to do any more with you, use his fingers, or his mouth, his thigh if you wanted, but he'd never have himself inside of you.

You didn't really understand it, but you enjoyed your time together in such intimate moments far too much to just let it go.

So you carried on visiting. And for months it was the same.

Your visits with him worked, you could understand what they were talking about, but one vital thing felt like it was missing.

So you confided in your first roomate, she was in a committed relationship, had been for a while, maybe she'd understand.

"Your in love"

"What?"

So that was it. You had a crush on him, but apparently in all your time together, it was becoming more. Everything made sense too.

Why you'd seek him out for more than just your alone time in his office, you'd have dinner together, so often that other prisoners believed sincerely that you were his favorite - and you were. He sought you out for a lot of reasons too, never anything important, he just liked to check on you.

You believed maybe he felt the same.

So you asked.

And he said no.

You stayed in your room that day, you didn't go to work, and your roomates were worried.

So the second roomate sought Writhosley out.

Whatever she said, you didn't know, but he was visiting you the next night, in your dormroom, when all your roomated just so happened to be gone, busy doing various things.

He kissed you then. That was the first time his lips ever met yours and it felt desperate.

But you pushed him away. He didn't love you. He didn't get the right to kiss you, didn't even have the right to touch you anymore.

Except he did - love you I mean. The right to touch you isn't his.

It was hard for him to express how he felt for you, not because he wasn't sure, he was damn near certain. But he had a reputation to uphold. He didn't know how dating you would affect it, would you be in danger? Would people loose respect? Would you become a target for harassment? Would your colleagues ostracize you?

"It's a bit late for that don't you think? They already think your playing favorites... but... I have friends, good friends, so, you needn't worry so much"

That was true wasn't it? He wasn't careful enough with you. And your friends were clearly good, your roomate was damn near ready to punch some sense into him after a little confrontation. He can be so stupid sometimes.

"Fuck it then"

He took you then. Finally, really took you, properly, how you wanted him too. With your consent or course, he asked first. He had to make sure you weren't too upset with him. But with a gentle smile, and a peck to the lips, you gave him the go ahead.

He had you missionary, he wanted to see your face, for the first time at least. He wanted to watch how your expressions contorted, and hear how you whined out his name clear as day.

He could have gone harder, he wanted to be rougher. But he held himself, there would be time for that later.

Right know, he was showing you that he cared

And it was beautiful expression.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Master list :3

[justrainandcoffee]

The sound of silence (Alfie Solomons x fem!oc) + (Alfie Solomons x Tommy Shelby)

Summary: Why did she agree? To make Alfie happy. Why did Tommy accept? Because love is blind. For two years they've been living under the same roof. She and Tommy sharing the same man... And the same misery. Love makes you feel happy, people say. They know it's not always true.

Warnings: Angst. ANGST. || Alfie is bigamous.|| Everyone here is miserable. || Mentions of killing and political corruption. Period typical homophobia. || Did I mention ANGST?

Words: 3.6k || Alfie masterlist

"Put a number."

There she was in front of a man making business with him to save her husband and his lover from a catastrophe.

"The newspaper is not for sale."

"Everything is for sale if you know what is good for you and your family. Put a fucking number."

The man was around 45 years old and that money was synonymous with an earlier retirement. Silence had a price and his newspaper, too.

"Twenty-five grand."

"I'll make 27 and I'll guarantee that your ass is safe, as long as you learn to keep your mouth shut. Do we have an agreement, Mr. Donovan?"

"Yes, Mrs. Solomons."

"If you open your mouth, a bullet will open your fucking brain. Do you understand, right?"

"I do, Mrs. Solomons. I do."

First she signed the papers that made her the legal owner of the most important newspaper in London and then, she gave him the cheque. If 27,000 pounds didn't make him be quiet and understood the kind of people were behind her, then violence will. But that was the last choice.

Two policemen started their days with a bullet in their hearts and an inspector appeared drown in the Thames. But they were just isolated accidents: thieves and a suicide. That's what the newspaper was going to say the following morning.

No mentions of the fucking party.

Solomons-Shelby was an alliance that could make the King shit on his throne. And the leaders of both bands were fucking in the same bed.

-Two years ago-

Alfie liked him. Rose knew it the moment her husband started to talked nonstop about the Birmingham man as soon as they met and for the first time ever she experienced jealousy. Until Thomas Shelby appeared, Alfie never put his eyes on anyone else but her.

"I love you, Rosie."

"…but you also love him."

Alfie didn't like him. Alfie loved him.

"Do you want the divorce?"

The words shattered her own heart. The idea of a life without her Alfie sounded like millions of knives in her soul. They were always him and her against the world, since they were kids. Always. Silent tears started to run down her cheeks, but she kept looking at him.

"Fuck! No! I can't live without you, Rosie. Don't ask me that again! I love you."

"Do you?"

"Like always."

"Did you cheat on me with him?"

"No. Not even once."

"Did you fantasize about fucking him?" she continued asking. But this time Alfie didn't answer. Rose bit her lower lip and nodded "You did."

Rose demanded to meet the man in question. She didn't expect to see what she saw. The man in front of him was the kind of person that God put on Earth to make other doubt about themselves. And Rose, was one of them. Took her little to nothing to understand why her husband for years, her forever love, suddenly appeared in their house with someone else in his mind.

She agreed because she didn't want to see Alfie lost in a world where he craved for a touch she couldn't give him. She agreed because the last thing Rose wanted was to see the person he loved the most being sad. She agreed because she didn't want to lose him.

The first night Alfie spent with Thomas Shelby, Rose did it crying in their bed praying for that was just a bad dream.

"I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to leave you," he said over and over again when he returned the next morning. She was laying on him, both of them in his favourite couch, while his arms were around her. "I don't know how to say this anymore, but I love you, sweetheart. I swear I love you."

Rose nodded "I know."

She was a proud woman and even when it was Alfie, Rose didn't want to show weakness. She wasn't weak, even if she was broken.

Seeing her, Alfie promised himself that the previous night with Tommy it was going to be the first and last at the same time. Rose could put her mask of strong woman, but Alfie was the only one she couldn't fool. The woman next to him, was once the little girl that committed shenanigans with him. Alfie grew up knowing how she lied. He knew how to read her easily. And she was lying.

The man cupped her face and kissed her. Slowly with tenderness. He loved her and the last thing he wanted was to make her suffer.

"I love you. Tell me you believe me, Rosie."

"I do."

No, she didn't. She didn't believe him.

"Just give me time, Alfie," she said reading his mind.

"How could you doubt that I love you?"

"I don't know what I believe anymore... I'm still trying to understand why did you slept with someone else. And why I agreed."

Because Tommy Shelby is a demigod, her mind said. Of course Alfie chose him.

"It won't happen again."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

.

Tommy couldn't deny his feelings anymore. The amount of prostitutes he slept with, because supposedly that was something men did, couldn't be compared with what happened with the other man in that house he bought in London. It was a small, cozy house that was bought with the sole purpose of fuck with Alfie there. And that was what happened the night before.

He was smoking still in bed, alone and thinking about him. Alfie was married to a woman and Tommy knew Alfie could kill for her. Tommy knew very well that his friend never was going to leave Rose, not for obligation due to the marriage vows, but because he was still in love with her.

To society, she was his wife. Rose was the woman he could walk through the city and no one was going to ask a thing. Alfie was free to hold hands with her and kiss in public. They even made a cute couple. The way his eyes shone when he talked about her and the special way he had to say "My Rosie."

But him, Tommy, he was a fuck in a house after midnight when no one was in the streets. And during day he was Solomons' business partner, the gangster leader of Peaky Blinders. The one who never was going to be anything but a pal.

Tommy started to dress to return to Birmingham. Suddenly he felt like a whore, too.

Nothing but a whore, his mind said.

But Rose was right. Alfie couldn't keep his hands off Tommy. Even if he resisted the temptation the first weeks after their first encounter, Alfie and Tommy found themselves in the same situation more than once. And the most time they spent together, the more in love they fell.

Alfie never hide it from her. Alfie was ready to stop if she didn't consent that anymore. In her whole life, Rose never wanted more to yell at him, to beg him to stop seeing the other man. To even shook him. But she lowered her head and agreed once again because his husband was happy. And also agreed to receive Tommy in her house, to live with them.

Agreed to share the meals with him. To see Alfie's eyes looking at him with love.

Agreed to divide the time she shared with Alfie, and that once was only hers, with another person.

In the next two years she lost her husband as such, her self-esteem, her voice and her smile.

Now

"I bought the newspaper," Rose said entering the house. Tommy and Alfie were in the same table, drinking tea. Or at least her husband was drinking tea. "Donovan won't be a problem. I'm sure."

"Thanks, sweetheart."

"Don't thank me, Alfie. I hope next time you two decide to go to a party, at least check that it's not a fucking trap," she left her coat on a chair and removed her shoes. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired I don't want to be mean… I'm tired. Just that. Don't mind me."

Both men saw her go upstairs to her and Alfie's bedroom.

"Maybe you should go too and check on her," Tommy said. "She's upset."

"I know that. She's my wife!"

"Well, then do something. Today is her turn, after all. And she started her day saving our asses. My ass, especially because she saved me just because of you."

Her turn.

Alfie followed his wife's steps upstairs hearing Tommy's voice. He was right, but doesn't meant it was pleasant to hear. It never was Rose's turn, same way it never was Tommy's turn like if his heart switched to one person to another. One could say that it was perfect to have two people to love living under the same roof. If one got mad, then the other could be willing to open the arms. The double of sex. But it wasn't the case, real life didn't work that way. And lovely as it sounded, it was also tiresome. And not just physically.

"I'm not in the mood," she said when he entered the bedroom.

"I know, sweetheart."

Two years passed and she learnt to be in silence when she wanted to scream. At him. At Tommy. At herself for being so stupid.

The daylight contributed to her bad mood so she closed the windows and let the darkness embrace her. Rose sat down in bed and let out a deep sigh, rubbing her face with her hands.

"I miss you, ya know?" Alfie said sitting at her side. "I miss you, Rosie."

"Mmh. I'm right here, Alfie."

"You're not."

It took them a while to make an agreement. Alfie could spend one week with each of them, doing whatever they want. Watching movies, having sex, killing people, whatever they wanted to do but away from the other part of the fucked triangle they now belonged. It was a great deal for Tommy because he was free to be with the man he loved in the big city that London was, and had time to return to Birmingham to take care of his business. But it wasn't so great for Rose who had to spend her week alone surrounded by her own thoughts in a house that was too big just for her and the dogs. And when it was the time to be with her husband, she felt exhausted.

Alfie touched her hair with his fingertips and caressed her jawline, too. It was hard to think that for him, but he couldn't ignore it anymore, although it was easier to think she was just tired. But Alfie had to come to terms with himself and admit that he didn't see her smile in a long time.

She was always a happy person, anyone who knew her for sure heard her laugh. How many times the two of them were reprimanded by teachers because they couldn't stop giggling? And not so many years ago, the quiet hours together usually were interrupted by Rose's laugh because he told her something that happened in the distillery or because they were commenting something they heard in the radio. Or Cyril's shenanigans. But now, even if he tried, Alfie couldn't remember seeing her smiling.

And they didn't make love in months.

"My women killed the policemen and the inspector. No one will suspect and no one will ask a thing. But I expect that next time you be more careful, Alfie."

"Tommy will repay you the money you waste on us."

"I don't want it. But if it makes him feel better he can make a donation for the school."

"A donation will be, then. Luv, I was thinking that we can go to a pretty restaurant tonight. There's a kosher one, it's new. Ollie told me that it's quite good."

"Okay."

Alfie kissed her cheek "no matter what you think, I still love you and I'll love you till my last day."

Rose gulped to make disappear the knot in her throat and nodded. Don't cry. Don't cry.

"I know, Alfie."

The man hesitated for a second before putting an arm around her. She was so tense that it felt like moving a piece of furniture to him. For a moment she didn't reciprocate the embrace, but when Alfie moved his body to let her go, her hands grasped to his shirt and hid her face on his shoulder.

"Don't leave me," her voice was broken and the tears she was holding were wetting his chest.

"You know I would never leave you."

"I don't know anything about us anymore, Alfie. But please, don't leave me."

Downstairs, Tommy was smoking. Last thing he wanted was to break the precarious situation the three of them were in. The invitation was on Ada's table when he visited her earlier that week, probably belonged to Ada's roommate. It seemed to be harmless and when he commented it to Alfie, he agreed. There were no places for them to go as couple and for once, it seemed to be a good opportunity, only it wasn't. Homosexual parties weren't uncommon but it was risky. Numerous times, men ended in the gallows thanks to the laws. But that was London and his partner wasn't someone else but Alfie Solomons and he could buy freedom because of money or because of fear.

Tommy didn't dare to see the faces of the other men who were still in the police station, when both of them left the building. How many of them were going to die just because they were experiencing happiness one night in their lives?

Tommy remembered Rose's face when Alfie woke her up at 4am when they arrived at the house. She didn't say a word and to be honest with himself, Tommy never heard her say a lot although it was well known by people around the Solomons, that she was talkative as much as Alfie was. The woman went to her office in the house and made some phonecalls. She had her own people, all women, behind her to protect the school she founded. And those women never hesitate to follow her orders.

Killing the cops was a way to say the rest of the police department that better they keep their tongues tied. Same with the former owner of the newspaper.

Tommy lighted up another cigarette. What was he next to her? Alfie's wife sent three men to hell and a fourth one was threatened, just to protect her husband's name. And his. He was part of the man she married now and Tommy didn't know if she was going to do something like that for him, again

Or how much time Alfie was going to be able to bear with that kind of life. In Tommy's mind, if Alfie was going to choose someone then it was going to be her. But he didn't want that.

.

Allowing Alfie to touch her again, it felt good. Especially because he was sweet with her. Maybe it was true he missed her.

He was on top if her, kissing her neck and stroking her sides. That was the life they deserved to have but after knowing Tommy, after tasting him, she wasn't sure if she was enough for Alfie.

How much self-esteem was a man capable destroy?

Outdoors she fought for women's rights, freedom, fuck the patriarchy, down with men.

Indoors, she was ready to share her husband if that meant to remain on his side. And the only thing she had to sell was her own happiness.

"You promised me a life full of love," she said, later, in his arms. "We were kids. We were in love and I believe you."

"I promised you a lot of things and I'm fulfilling none."

"Not true. You did but I'm not the only one in your heart anymore. It's not your fault that you fell in love with him, too."

Alfie kissed her once again. It wasn't fair for her, among the three of them she was the one who gave in the more.

"I'd give my life to see you smile again, Rosie. My Rosie."

.

"How's she?" Tommy asked when Alfie went downstairs, once his wife finally fall asleep.

"I don't know."

"I did tell you or I didn't that this was going to break her? It was a fucking bad idea from the very beginning."

"What do you want me to tell ya, Tom? Eh? I fucking love you! And it didn't seem that bad the first time to you, not even last night. Fuck off!"

"I love you too, Alfie. I do, but this is not working. Your wife is a ghost of the woman I know she was, you don't know how manage two partners and I-… I feel like a homewrecker."

Alfie sat on his couch and petted Cyril's head who seemed to be the only one happy in that house. "You're not."

"Are you sure?"

"There's a reason I gave you a ring, Tom."

Tommy looked at his hand. It happened around eight months ago. No one were going to notice that he was using another ring, considering he wore several ribgs all the time. They were in bed when Alfie pulled out a little velvet box from the nightstand table and gave it to him. That was the moment Alfie became bigamous. One marriage was legal and open to society, the other no and belonged to the shadows and the solitude of their room.

Only Rose noticed the extra ring, but she didn't say anything. Like it was usual. Tommy too remained silent in several occasions and even Alfie didn't let his mind speak as it was common to him.

In the Solomons-Shelby household, most of the time the only thing that could be heard was the silence.

.

It was midnight that same day when Rose heard noises downstairs, but neither Cyril or Beast were barking, so she asumed the one making noises was Tommy. Rose put her nightgown on and went to the living room, she found Tommy packing.

"To Birmingham?"

"Yes." Tommy looked at her, before closing his suitcase. "Forever."

"You can't."

"Tell me why can't I, Rose. It's my fucking life."

"He loves you."

"No more than he loves you. Let's be honest, Rose, you want me out of your lives." Tommy put his coat on and searched his cigarettes in one of his pockets.

The woman embraced herself and nodded. "I do. But Alfie could be miserable again because no matter what I do for him, I'm not you. I'm not God's best creation, I'm not smart as you are, I don't have your eyes, I can't be all you are even if I reborn a thousand times. He chose you and if roles were reversed, if you were the spouse and me "the other one" I don't think he'd do all the things he did for you."

"Then, you're belittling yourself. Your husband is capable to fight the Devil for you."

"Because I'm his best fr…"

"Because you're his fucking soulmate, Rose!! And that's something I'm never going to be. Don't underestimate yourself anymore, because I know very well the way he talks about you when he's with me and that's something he doesn't do when he's with you… FUCK!" Tommy threw the cigarette on the floor. "Rosie this, Rosie that… and I know he doesn't mention me when you two are together because he doesn't want to hurt you. But he hurts me."

She sat on a chair and looked at him. "I don't think he does that on purpose."

"No, he does not. But he still does it. So, I better leave before it's too late to leave."

"If you go, he'll go after you. He's also your husband, right? The ring. You don't need a legal paper to prove that. Not in front of me."

Tommy shook his head.

"Go to bed," she said. "Tomorrow it'll be a new day."

Rose turned around, not waiting for an answer. She entered the bathroom before returning to bed with Alfie. She stared herself in the mirror. The woman looking at her wasn't the one she knew once. That one was a pathetic version of the woman she used to be proud of.

But she wasn't there to feel even more pathetic. She was there to do something else. Rose looked at the mirror again and she practiced how to smile. For Alfie, she thought, trying once again. And her eyes were filled with sadness, but she kept trying until got a smile like the ones she used to have.

The next morning when Alfie went to the dinning room he found Tommy reading the newspaper, the one under new management, and Rose having her usual breakfast.

"Good morning, Alfie," Tommy said.

Alfie greeted him too and sat next to Rose who was looking at him.

"Like you practice…" the woman thought and gave Alfie her best smile she could. "Morning, Al."

Alfie kissed her forehead. No, she couldn't lie to him, and Alfie felt miserable because he knew she didn't want to smile but was trying to make things easier.

For a moment they shared a normal morning but despite their efforts, the silence return to the house. Except in their own heads.

Alfie overheard the conversation the night before between Tommy and Rose. That wasn't a good life for any of them.

He loved them, but he wasn't selfish, not when it was about love. Alfie made a decision, now he needed to say it, even if his own heart was going to end broken, probably forever.