#and they weren't exactly integral to the story

[tempe-brennans]

was i the only kid that made barbie and ken get married like everyday

[blog-name-idk]

The Plot Twist | 04

Written by @blog-name-idk and @eserethriddle

Summary: Once upon a time you would have jumped at the chance to live the idol girlfriend life. The cameras, the action, the whirlwind romance. But what was once a dream has now become your worst nightmare, and you fully intend to fight the universe as it repeatedly conspires to set you up with your seven perfectly good soulmates from Bangtan Sonyeondan.

In which we punt Y/N into all the fanfiction tropes and you do your feral best to subvert the love story.

Because nani the fuck, you are The Plot Twist.

Pairing: OT7 X Fem!Reader

Genre: Soulmate!AU, crack, humor, idol!AU, light angst, slow burn, romantic comedy, just a fun silly old time

Rating: 18+

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Chapter 4: "You like Pac-man, right?"

"How dare you!"

You’ve just finished entering the final character to G0d$l@yeR_69 when you look up from the post-game leaderboard screen.

"Pardon?" you ask in confusion, slightly alarmed by the speed in which a masked man is walking towards you and the Pac-man machine. Even with the mask, the exaggerated furrow marring the man’s forehead is more than enough for you to discern that he is less than pleased. You square your shoulders, in case you need to defend the precious apparatus. Well, that and protect Lee-ssi, but mostly the Pac-man game.

"You're G0d$l@yeR_69?" the man squawks, voice irate. He gives you a once over and bristles further. You can almost imagine his fluffy hair rising like the feathers of an offended bird, and he… kind of sounds like one, too. You struggle to stifle your snicker when he gestures broadly to your grown stature, incredulous even as he finally discerns to himself, “You’re not some pint-sized punk!”

“And yet here you are, humbled all the same.” you respond haughtily, dusting off the imaginary lint off your burgundy dress. “Based on your reaction, I take it you’re ‘Jin the PacMan God’?”

You pause.

Wait.

Jin?

In fact, this offended cockatoo of a man actually looks… familiar. Broad shoulders, nice eyebrows, and –

Your blood pressure skyrockets as you realize exactly who is yelling at you. Unfortunately, your temper rises faster than your self-preservation.

"I'm sorry, BTS Jin is the same stupid kid who calls himself 'Jin the PacMan God?'" you blurt before you can stop yourself. "What self-respecting adult wastes so much time on an arcade game?"

He raises an eyebrow at you with a pointed stare, and you shrug. You don't fit into that category. You certainly don't respect yourself.

"A grown woman calls herself G0d$l@yeR_69?" Kim Seokjin jabs in return, crossing his arms, now looking more sulky than angry.

"Well, it's accurate to lore," you retort with an uncaring flip of your hair, doing your best to look bored rather than reflect the panic beginning to clog your throat. His genuinely offended gasp would have made you laugh if you weren't currently running through the possible exit routes in your head.

And then Jin says, "Well, you must be cheating!"

The egregious accusation dispels all thoughts of escape from your head. Your pride and integrity as a gamer have been insulted, and you narrow your eyes at the self-proclaimed pro-gamer before you.

You’re fully prepared to defend your honor.

It's on.

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Jimin doesn't get it.

How could he be unlucky enough to get sidelined a second time in a row? He wasn't even late this time! But because there had been more men than women (a bit heteronormative for his tastes, but that's the current state of most official speed-dating events), he and a few others had to wait aside for a rotation. And then somehow, everyone had already decided to pair up before he even got to meet anyone!

Perhaps it's karma and he's being punished for telling his Jin-hyung that he sort of kind of definitely looked like a certain pink Moluccan bird species when he was all riled up and red-eared.

With a sigh, he leaves the building, shoulders slumped. He can't quite bring himself to call Jin yet, and so he decides to walk aimlessly for a while. Perhaps some fresh air will cheer him up.

It's a bustling street, and he nervously brings his mask up higher on his face lest he be recognized. No one seems to be paying attention however, and the people going about their daily lives remind him that despite his woes, life goes on.

An arcade catches his eye, and he shrugs to himself. A few rounds of killing zombies or racing fake cars will take his mind off things. It's a school day, so it's unlikely the place will be packed.

When he walks in, he hears a familiar screech, accompanied by the sound of a boot stomping on the ground.

"Yahhh! How did you do that?! That's not fair!"

What is Jin-hyung doing here? And what is he yelling about?

Curious, he follows the voice past the shopkeeper who looks torn between concern and amusement, to where Jin is ranting at someone obscured by his frame.

A p(r)etty sigh.

"I'm sorry this is so difficult for you to get through that coconut haircut of yours, but has it occurred to you that I'm just better?"

Huh, that voice is also familiar.

"That’s just prepos–"

"...Hyung?"

The voices cease as the two arguers turn to look at Jimin, and he feels his breath catch in his throat.

You look particularly lovely today, with a form-fitting burgundy dress that shows off much more soft-looking skin than the business or lounge attire you wear on the rare occasion he actually sees you.

And his Jin-hyung, next to you, all rose-colored cockatoo.

It's more than enough to set Jimin off-balance.

"Oh! Hi, LN-ssi!" he hurriedly squeaks, cursing his voice for cracking. What are all his voice lessons even for?

At least you can't tell his palms are suddenly sweating. Your eyebrows rise and Jimin realizes you never did tell him your name, that he just saw it on your mailbox and it stuck in his brain. Oh no, do you think he's a stalker now?

"You know this phony?" Jin cries, oblivious to the internal crisis his dongsaeng is currently experiencing.

Jimin's brows crinkle. Phony?

Your head whips to his hyung at his words, your eyes narrowing.

"I believe you saw proof with your own two eyes," you say icily, though your gaze has a fire that makes Jimin gulp. "Maybe you should get them checked? Sometimes they can fail with old age."

Jin's jaw drops, and as a constipated sound of outrage leaves him, you take the opportunity to brush past and march to the exit. Jimin, still confused, steps aside automatically to let you pass and you give him a reluctant nod.

"Jimin-ssi."

As you leave, Jin turns to Jimin to demand answers, but he barely hears it over the fluttering in his tummy.

It's the first time you've ever addressed him by name.

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The twelve-year-old boy opens his hand, revealing hard candy wrapped in shiny, yellow paper.

"You like Pac-man, right?" he asks, smiling brighter than the sun.

You accept his offering, sure your own face is radiant enough to power all of Gwangju. You can't say you have strong feelings for the buttery treat, but you do for the little boy who fills your days with laughter and sweet memories. You could spend forever playing with him at the park by your houses…

Except your parents get the brilliant idea of starting their own restaurant in Seoul. You are heartbroken when the decision to move is made, but you do your best to support their dreams, even if it comes at the expense of your only friend.

Out of sentimentality and denial, you save the shiny candy wrapper, holding it when you're sad, as if it's a talisman that can ward off the lonely ache in your chest. It's hard being the new kid in a big-city school, and though you present your mother's strong facade when your new classmates tease you about your satoori, it hurts. You have to be strong.

After one particularly bad day, you decide to drop into the local arcade, because all it will take is one smile from your appa to disintegrate your cracking veneer. You're a big girl, basically an adult at a whopping eleven years old! You're not a baby anymore, you just need some extra time to set yourself right.

You weave through the attractions, passing racing games and claw machines when something catches your eye. A familiar yellow character smiles at you from a game cabinet, and for a moment you feel like he is still there with you.

You walk up to the Pac-man arcade machine with newfound resolve and a sunny smile to match.

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“Sometimes I wanna drop by Gwangju,” Jung Hoseok begins, taking his seat at the dining table next to Taehyung, “But then I remember they already demolished the playplace from my childhood and think, huh, maybe not. Thing is, they sold really good tteok there.”

“Pan-fried tteok?” Taehyung leans back, remembering the taste of his own favorite rice cake flavors from Daegu. “My hometown had that, too.”

“Sometimes the cart owner-ahjussi would give us candy with our orders. I miss it a lot.”

Hobi's eyes take on a wistful look, and Taehyung pats his shoulder.

It must have been some really good candy.

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"Honey! I'm home!" you call, setting your briefcase on the floor as your husband rushes up to you wearing a cute apron that has nothing on his sweet face and sweeter smile.

"I just finished dinner," he says, greeting you with a kiss on the cheek that makes your chest fill with the glow of a million fireflies.

"What, mudcakes again?" you ask fondly. You thread your fingers with his, uncaring of the dirt on his palms, giggling at the pout on his face.

"You said they're your favorite!" he complains petulantly, though he doesn't pull away.

"They are," you agree, squeezing his hand in yours reassuringly. You beam at him, and his cheeks turn pink. "If it's something you made, it's my favorite."

You're suddenly tugged towards him and you squeak in surprise as wiry arms crush the air out of your lungs.

"You're my favorite," he mumbles into your hair, and it's the happiest you've felt in your entire nine years of existence.

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It's great to be back in Gwangju, away from all the insanity happening in Seoul. You can finally relax and live life rather than constantly look over your shoulder in the fear of running into another member of BTS.

Fuck you, fate! You're taking a break.

You knock on the old, familiar door, and it opens to reveal a kind, lightly lined face that breaks into a huge smile at the sight of you.

"Halmeoni!" you announce happily, stepping into your grandmother's arms and hugging her fiercely. She hugs you back just as hard, squeezing you with her deceptively spindly limbs as you melt into a hold that feels like childhood.

"We've been waiting!" she replies cheerfully before ushering you to the living room and calling your grandpa to come greet you. The house is the same as you remember, a comforting echo of days past.

"Oh! We ran into that boy you used to play with at the store earlier!" your grandma says just as you pick up your cup of tea. "The one you used to play house with!"

You laugh, thinking fondly of your childhood friend. Perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad if he had been your soulmate, rather than a group of the seven biggest idols in Korea. Or perhaps not – the things that are so simple to children don't always translate to adulthood, and those memories hold an untainted innocence that you wouldn't trade for the world.

You bring the cup of homebrewed tea to your lips, only to choke at your grandmother's next words.

"I invited him over for dinner!"

You stare at the twinkle in your suddenly menacing grandmother's eyes. In just one simple sentence, she has transformed from the kindly, loving fixture of your youth to yet another cruel, scheming matchmaker. Truly your mother’s maker. Leaving Seoul might have saved you from idol-related phenomena, but clearly not from your family's attempts at grand (and great-grand) children.

Instinct drives you to your feet and you grab your purse, tripping over the rug as you rush to the door.

"I have to go," you call over your shoulder, uncaring of the baffled expression on your grandma's face.

"But you just got here?" she says in distressed confusion, and your stomach fills with guilt at the sadness in her voice. "We haven't seen you in so long, dear."

You still, hand on the doorknob and so, so close to freedom and safety. Eventually, you sigh, shoulders slumping as the resolve trickles out of your body.

"Never mind, I'm going to take my stuff upstairs," you say in resignation, grabbing the carry-on still by the door and carting it to the guest room. The wallet feels extra heavy in your purse, and when you're safely within the confines of your room you sit on the bed and pull it out.

You reach behind the ID card in the plastic slot of your wallet and feel the soft, crinkly edges of a fond childhood memory.

You like Pac-man, right?

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Hoseok still remembers the smile on your face whenever he gave you the extra candy he would get with his tteok in the park. As well as the thinly hidden devastation on your face the last time he saw you, and you told him your family was leaving for Seoul.

Despite him being older, he had always admired your courage and tenacity, the way you would charge head-first at the things you wanted. Your unwavering support whenever he was feeling down or uncertain. During hard times as a trainee, he would sometimes picture your determined expression and feel an extra spark of energy.

He really isn't sure what to expect, or even if he's in his right mind, coming to dinner to see his long lost… friend? Play-spouse?

Would you even remember him?

The door opens, and Hoseok's heart jumps at the sight of you. The tentative smile on your face fades into an expression of utter shock, and he belatedly remembers exactly who he is.

"Wh–what the–I–" you stammer, looking just as mortified as Hoseok feels. In his ruminations of childhood, he had completely forgotten his present state of being and how it might impact new encounters. "Can I help you?"

"Y-Y/N?" he asks tentatively. To his bafflement, you flinch as if he had screamed at you.

"How do you know my name?" you ask, stepping back with your hand on the door. You look five seconds away from slamming it in his face, and despite his misgivings, Hoseok's heart sinks. For some reason this cold reception feels worse than if you were a saesang.

"I'm… I'm here for dinner?" he says tentatively, proffering the seonmul he brought. The expression on your face is so reluctant that for a moment he takes a whiff of the bag in case the pastries from the most expensive bakery in the area have somehow gone bad.

With a spark of panic, Hoseok wonders if he accidentally went to the wrong address. The house is familiar, and you look similar to the little girl he remembers, but perhaps he's just let his hopes affect his memories. Why else would you look so shaken, other than a strange man showing up out of nowhere?

"But you're… you're not–"

"Y/N, what's taking so long?"

Relief fills him momentarily as your grandmother comes behind you, though it's tempered by the way you haven't relaxed.

"But this is… this isn't…" you stammer, face pale as you look between Hoseok and your grandmother. It hits him that you probably don't remember his real name, as you had been too young to pronounce it correctly when you had first met.

"You used to call me Hoba," he says with a smile, realizing that this is why you must be so confused – you've recognized him as Jung Hoseok of BTS, and thus not your playmate from so many years ago. "It's nice to see you again."

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This cannot be happening.

Not only is the smiling boy from your fondest memories Jung Hoseok of BTS, but he just somehow had a break in his schedule the same weekend you're in Gwangju, and he ran into your grandmother at the supermarket? You left Seoul to get a break from these ridiculous situations and not to end up having dinner with one of your soulmates!

What kind of contrived, unimaginative bullshit is this?

"These are for you," Hoseok tells your grandmother with a formal bow, offering the pretty, pastel pastry box you had refused to accept earlier. She beams approvingly while you pinch yourself. Hard.

Through the pain in your arm, Jung Hoseok is still standing in your entryway, a sunny nightmare you can't wake up from. The old wrapper, once a magical talisman to ward off gloom, is lead weight in your pocket.

"Um," he begins awkwardly, looking bashful. It is not cute. He is not cute. "And this is for you."

He holds out a fuzzy yellow ball you immediately recognize, and you stare at it in shock. Your chest is doing something very funny, like tachycardic arrythmia. Yes. Hilarious.

Hoseok evidently takes your silence as disapproval, and wilts like a flower deprived of light. "Uh, sorry, you probably don't like Pacman anymore…"

"I do," you reply faintly, reaching forward to take his gift. Only to be polite. That's it. Certainly not because his dejection makes your insides roil with guilt. "Thank you."

"Of course," he replies, looking only marginally relieved by your lukewarm response. "Oh! You dropped something."

He dips low to grab something, and to your horror, your wallet is open –

"Wait, is this–"

"I JUST LIKE THE CANDY!" you blurt in a near scream, feeling your entire body light on fire. This would be humiliating in the best of situations, and Jung Hoseok discovering you kept the wrapper from an old candy he had given you, like a sentimental loser, is decidedly NOT the best of situations.

His resulting smile almost blasts you off your feet, and you wonder if overexposure to sunlight can lead to cardiac arrest.

“Y/N-ah,” Jung Hoseok says, tentatively, but with soft affection. It is more devastating than you could have ever imagined. “I missed you too. Have you been well?”

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Masterlist | Next

[martialartslover7]

Headcanon time: I feel like, during the Blank Period, we should have had the Daimyos as the new major antagonists, backed by Orochimaru and Kabuto, whom they had struck a deal with, as, ever since Naruto and the Shinobi Alliance managed to put an end to Madara's ambitions, and now that Orochimaru is back, now, they fear for their position, and to keep it that way, they "have no choice anymore, but to strike a deal with the enemy". Because we all know, Naruto is no longer uninformed. Most of what happened to him, along with the likes of Sasuke, Hinata, Neji and Gaara, only happened, because these withered, old fools, enjoy playing god, whenever it suits their convenience. Pretending they are above everyone else, even the Kage, yet doing little to nothing to ensure that the villages stay safe. And the worst part, they knew, they KNEW, that what a scumbag like Danzo was doing, was endangering everyone. So even if they weren't proactively supporting him, they still didn't ask questions, meaning, deep down, they really don't care what happens to their own villages, as long as they stay in power.

Kinda reminds me of real-life politicians. They have no principles, no integrity, they just make empty promises, and never act in the name of the people that voted for them, knowing full well, options are limited. Take that piece of knowledge for what you will.

And yes, I know, by this point in time, after the war, someone like Naruto and Sasuke would be way too strong, making these old farts appear like ants going up against dinosaurs, but here is the thing: This arc is less about raw aggression and fighting, and more based on psychological warfare. Naruto wants to become Hokage, right? Like, what is the driving force behind this story arc, the overarching goal? Simple: Naruto will not accept becoming Hokage in a system, that treated people like him, and Gaara, Kakashi, Might Guy (R.I.P.), Anko (don't @ me, she is buffed to hell in my AU, and has way more screen presence, she deserves it, even now making use of the Snake Sage mode, using Wood Style jutsu, and bearing the Kusanagi sword), Tsunade or Sasuke, like dog water. And this said system, is mostly backed by the Daimyos, the same people who never once thought to stop someone like Danzo from going on his insane ego power trip.

And we also know, Naruto is not type of person to be exactly interested in handling politics in a boring and straight-forward way. He will be leading this revolution, overthrowing the feudal rule, by hosting a "tournament" of sorts, a televised event, which, in their time period, will also livestream online (you cannot tell me, they didn't have internet of some kind there, even though, limited, because of the villages being practically militarized dictatorships, because of the Daimyos), to pit specific shinobi against one another, hoping to both entertain the crowd, to get them on his side (this is also a pro-Naruto political campaign, making the acceptance for his role as Hokage way easier in the long run), and publically humiliate the Daimyos by basically showing off to them: Hey. These people. These proud shinobi. They have made it so far, despite all your restrictions and the scrutiny you put them all through. And they made it big, despite you guys laughing in their faces.

But also, this trip to the Daimyos, will be financed by all the Five Kage, meaning, they can all indulge in some luxurious hotel stays, hot springs, good food, in short, their credit cards will be on fire. And Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru get to spend some time alone with their ladies, to some champagne and warm bubble baths, with room service (*Ahem* insert 'Careless Whisper' by George Michael *Ahem*).

C'mon. After all the crap they went through, they deserve some peace and quiet, and if they were going to change the system, they might as well make the most of it, if it's all financed by the village leaders.

And note, the following people will be following Naruto on this journey:

Kakashi

Anko (by this point in time, she and Kakashi are married, and she plays the role of Kakashi's advisor, too)

Sakura

Sasuke (he will be joining up with them in the city)

Rock Lee

Tenten (in my AU, remember, like I have shown in my "Tenten's Untold Backstory" one shot, she is a techwiz in that version of the story, meaning, having a technician with you, and a weapon master, all at the same time, invalueable, and well, I love the idea of Naruto and Tenten being the braindead besties, don't @ me)

Hinata

Shikamaru

Gaara

Temari

Kankuro

Ai

Killer Bee

Kurotsuchi (she came by herself, because she is growing a little exhausted with her grandpa, sorry XD)

Mei

Chojuro

Karin (Naruto and Karin will FINALLY meet and get the chance in learning more about one another, two Uzumaki foxes, flocking their tail as one, yay)

Suigetsu

Jugo

And the battles that Naruto has organized for the PPV, are the following:

- Naruto VS Ai (The Orange Flash VS The Raikage)

- Hinata VS Sasuke (Bankakyo VS Mangekyo)

- Rock Lee VS Gaara (Rematch)

- Tenten VS Killer Bee (Weapon Master Duel)

- Temari VS Chojuro (Fan VS Sword)

- Shikamaru VS Kankuro (Protective Brother VS Sister's BF)

- Sakura VS Kurotsuchi (The ladies, whose punches feel like dynamite)

As you can see, as Movie Shadow would say:

But well, again, because of the Daimyos striking a deal with Orochimaru, things will not go as planned, and pure chaos will break out. Essentially, that snake man will suggest to them, a machine, built from the stolen blue prints that Tenten created (yup, she will be that vital in the story, she is the only one who can stop this machine), that shall spread madness all across the globe, until the entire planet is enveloped in a mist, so deep, humanity will be wiped out completely, succumbing to the madness from within. Following up on the trauma and scars that Madara and Obito have left behind. It's not exactly clear, that part, I still need to flesh out in my mind, but the fact remains, it's meant to be this one final hurdle of a story, until Naruto returns home, and can finally start applying for the ranks of Chunin, Jonin, and at last, the Hokage position, in peace. Giving Anko and Ibiki full clearance to do whatever they want with the arrested Daimyos, for having struck a deal with an S-rank criminal.

And just this once...

...Naruto will be landing in a very miserable situation, where this madness machine affects him the most, out of everyone, even worse than Sasuke, as Kabuto will be pulling a very nasty trick on him. Yup, Naruto is definitely colder in this story, rightfully so, for many reasons. Usually, that's Sasuke's job, but they switch places here, as soon as Orochimaru starts causing trouble.

Peace.

P.S.: Also, for the shipping freaks among all of you, during this entire trip, Mei is flirting with Shino through her phone. Yup. Shino X Mei. Thank the YouTuber @NCHammer23 for giving me this downright MENTAL, but ingenious idea. Shino is a "granny chaser" in my AU. Don't @ me. For context, here is the video, where he explains it all, and trust me, very rarely, do YouTubers win me over, but this one, made me both laugh, but also smile at the end. Shino also deserves some love.

And again, Neji is alive in my AU, so Tenten will be very lovestruck and make a lot of phone calls with him, who decided to stay back at the village, along with the others from the Konoha 12, just in case the Daimyos decide to stab them in the back and attack the villages, while the leaders are out of town.

Note: The part between Shino and Mei starts at about 17:39.

[sicklyseraphnsuch]

The Duality of Simon (or the Importance of Marcy)

Travel back to the early 2010s, when Adventure Time was still a fairly new thing. The fandom was growing, the theories were flowing. We've had confirmation that Ooo is in fact a post appcalyptic world. And then we get:

Here was living, breathing proof of the intersection between Ooo and our world. Simon Petrikov was a literal connection to the past, and moreover one of the ways Adventure Time really began to develop its inner tragedies.

But honestly, as sad as the Idea of Simon Petrikov was - it remained that he was a relic, an inert tragedy that was a connection to the past, but not necessarily connected to the future.

Enter:

You can mourn the losses of ages past. But it won't necessarily move you to act. Because there's nothing to compel you. You can stand to gain something but it's more important that you don't lose anything by keeping the status quo. In short, there weren't any stakes.

No, not those kind of Stakes... Well... maybe a little

So, bear in mind, Betty won't make her debut until two seasons after "Holly Jolly Secrets". To us, she was a non-entity. Simon's grief over her loss was for the audience, a mostly intellectual exercise. How sad for this poor cursed man to lose the woman he loved - replacing all proper nouns with common nouns because we didn't know Simon either. But his situation is clearly sad, just in a general, unspecific way. Because again, there's nothing at stake here.

Marcy drives thoses stakes up (and into our hearts). Suddenly, Simon becomes Very Very Real because we know Marcy. We've hung out with her for at least five seasons now leading up to the game changing "I Remember You".

By connecting Marcy to this Simon, suddenly we had something to lose - suddenly we already lost something. Marcy gave Simon's curse weight - dimension - texture - rendering it very real instead of a mere intellectual tragedy. Simon matters because he matters to someone here and now, because someone was still crying over him. And we love Marcy. We don't want her to cry.

It was through the Marcy and Simon relationship that we came to learn of and love Simon. Betty came later. Betty came after. We already loved Simon by then so learning of his love story was just building on that love. Naturally, being invested in the Simon and Betty relationship without prior connection to Simon is possible. But the fact that he was already established and endeared to the audience goes a way into investing in the Simon and Betty relationship.

So we get to Fionna and Cake.

We get exactly one scene with the Marcy we know and love. And Simon isn't even in the same room as her.

And the show is fully justified in doing so because Fionna and Cake was a series about Simon and Betty. And Simon and Marcy have little to do with that A story (the love plotline). Even if the B story (the recovery plotline) does pay homage to Simon and Marcy by showing Simon that he does have value, the homage amounts to only a few scenes (maybe cumulatively three minutes of screen time) in the whole series.

However, Simon and Marcy's relationship wasn't just to show that Simon is an integral component to the way Ooo came to be, and his impact on the people he loves. Simon and Marcy's relationship is integral to how we came to love Simon - against all odds and all tenets of common sense, a man that was slowly warped by madness chose to take care of a completely unknown little girl that he found in the wreckage of the world.

The problem here is that Marcy's Simon and Betty's Simon never got to meet in the middle. A lot of this is rooted in the original Adventure Time series where Betty and Marceline never speak more than ten words to each other.

Literally the only time they share the screen (and no I'm not counting Betty bot in Broke his Crown)

Which is BANANAS considering they are literally the two most important people in Simon's life.

And listen, again, by Fionna and Cake, we are invested in Simon and Betty, especially after what she did during the finale. We want to know about them.

And again, the Fionna and Cake series is well and wholly complete without ever having Simon and Marcy talk.

But it leaves a little ache. Because again, the first opportunity to truly love and connect with Simon came through Simon and Marcy. And we never really know how they get on now that they're back together. We seriously have maybe 10 lines of conversation between them since the finale and this includes Obsidian.

Literally, he says hi to Marcy twice and that's it. Very meaningful conversation.

Aaaand there's also the supreme irony where in one relationship, Simon never gets a chance to contribute equally, and in his other relationship, Simon wore himself down to nubs giving all that he had. But this duality within Simon is never really connected. There is a throughline here, his impulse for self sacrifice shares a root for his self centered perspective that blinded him to Betty's self effacing habits.

Now here's the thing, Fionna and Cake also built its conflict around Simon's identity and his self worth, etc. Yet it doesn't really contend with all that Simon has done without Betty, and before Ice King. By centering the narrative on only how he was with Betty (both pre and post Mushroom War), we get very little foundation laid out for what he could do after he says goodbye to her.

And this isn't a mistake because again, the series stands on its own just fine. The story works without it because at least that central relationship of Simon and Betty is fully established. But it does come at the cost of a missed opportunity to fully explore the cause of Simon's myopia, or how living through an apocalypse could reinforce that myopia because Simon keeps romanticizing "when his life was great".

Finally, the other downside is that Fionna and Cake stands on its own, maybe a little too much. It's still based on the characters of Adventure Time, building on the love for the original show. So it would have been a crowd pleaser, shall we say some fan service, to get more of what the original show worked hard to make us love.

[tobi-smp]

absolutely nobody wants to see me rant about the end of the dream smp for one millionth time in october 2023, but the anniversary has people talking on my dash so now I'm infected with one of the same 4 thoughts I always have about the dream smp

obviously there is a Very Very large number of reasons that people have a complicated relationship with the dream smp, both in universe and out. and the worst for me are the Obvious out of universe reasons that don't need to be repeated here.

but the cake for In Universe reasons is definitely still the crimeboys ending. it was the final nail in the coffin for me back when I hadn't realized that the coffin had any more nails it could take in the first place, and it's a big part of why the parts of the series that I Do very much so enjoy are very often painful to look back on.

and this isn't because wilbur is a bad writer or a bad actor (or tommy for that matter), even at the time I had Really enjoyed the lead up to the end, even and Especially in that final stream sending wilbur off.

I had my issues of course, I haven't exactly been quiet about that, but in retrospect I Understand the circumstances much better and respect wilbur's choice to get out of there as cleanly as possible.

we still don't know Exactly what was happening behind the scenes, including and Especially with dream, but we Do know full well that dream stopped interacting with the entire rest of the server leaving countless story lines (that he'd Intentionally made himself integral to) left to dry with no way to move forwards while they waited for interaction that would never ever come.

wilbur's choice to move forwards with his send off of his character on his own terms, even with and especially Because of the clear scheduling issues, was the smartest decision he could have made considering the circumstances. I would very much so argue that his character is the Only One that got sent off with any amount of dignity largely Because he stopped playing dream's little game. and I do have to wonder if wilbur escaping the narrative wasn't inspired more by the real life circumstances at the time.

but no matter how satisfying I find it, no matter how much Good I see in it, no matter how much I respect and agree with the choice to do it, I cannot think about wilbur's ending without a Deep ache.

and it is for one single reason

he left tommy behind on purpose, this time fully with the knowledge of the situation he was leaving him behind In.

the abandonment that characters like tommy, niki, and fundy felt after the 16th are ultimately understandable ways of dealing with grief, but weren't Fair to truly hold against wilbur. wilbur didn't Leave, he didn't make the decision to allow the people important to him to be hurt in his absence. he committed suicide because he was sad.

wilbur getting on that boat, truly Knowing what dream did to tommy in a way that only tommy and dream knew, and leaving tommy alone on that beach affected me in ways that nothing else on the server ever has. and that truly is not a good thing.

now, I Think that what was likely supposed to happen is that dream was Supposed to interact with tommy regularly after the prison escape, and that that was supposed to build up to Some natural conclusion. we don't know what that conclusion would have been, but it was certainly nothing like what we got. and meanwhile wilbur's final arc was supposed to progress along side it, building Up To the logsted stream and his full understanding of the abuse dream had done and the affect it had on tommy.

we Know that at one point tommy had spoken about having a soft ending with wilbur. and After wilbur's ending actually did happen he'd mentioned that he might cameo on the server from time to time. that sounds like a soft ending to me.

it makes thematic sense, it makes sense with the pieces we got leading up to the final stream, it makes sense with the characters. and it couldn't happen, because dream refused to move any plot forwards and tommy of all characters couldn't move on without dream. again, both Thematically and because of what was happening behind the scenes.

and this is. frustrating beyond reason. that the snot genuinely poisoned one of the best aspects of the entire server because he was actively killing it but still didn't want to let go.

you can call it speculation, and it is, but this is what I believe and will continue to believe until tommy or wilbur say otherwise.

and on paper I just want to be able to say that the things that I don't like about the ending are bad because dream forced them to be bad and therefore I can just pretend like they never happened and substitute canon's reality with my own (or at the very least excuse it for being the way that it is).

and I have tried to do that ! both in chewing on the ending on its own terms And in imagining many Many ways that it could have gone differently (an activity I'm quite fond of regardless of circumstance).

but it just !

in a completely biased and nevertheless Extremely Honest word, hurt my feelings.

I cannot stop thinking about how they Intentionally set up wilbur finding out about dream abusing tommy, Made Sure to cover every base so the audience Knows that wilbur knows that it was physical, mental, and emotional abuse, Knows that wilbur is fully aware that tommy almost committed suicide, and Knows that wilbur was Deeply Emotionally Affected By This Fact.

and then had him leave. had him Plan Possibly Months Ahead Of Time. had him try to sneak off, only telling tommy the truth when he caught him by surprise and forced it out of him.

tommy opened up to somebody about exile in real honest terms for the very first time, to one of the people that he trusted the most, and that person Chose to leave him trapped with that very abuser out to get him Even Though he understood the danger and cared about him very deeply.

he knew that tommy was in danger, he knew Why tommy was in danger, and him leaving tommy behind was pre-meditated.

and it's Painful not just because of what it implies about their relationship As A Whole (because it's impossible to accept this as true without it affecting how we look back on what came before), but because those same implications makes it Impossible to imagine their relationship having a future.

people tried to play it off like a Soft Ending, like wilbur was just going to get therapy and then come back and they were just gonna hug it out and have a nice healthy relationship. and to be fair to those people, none of us could have predicted that tommy was going to be bombed and then reincarnated with none of his memories. that was Not in my predictions for the next phase of his character arc.

but, shitty sequel bait ending that everyone who cares has disavowed aside (way aside, into a deep pit to never be seen again), if I were tommy I would feel unimaginably betrayed.

where they left off is Not a place to reconnect with a healthy relationship when they're ready, because This Was A Traumatizing Event In And Of Itself.

I don't have to prove this, c!tommy proved this himself when started holing up in his house and abusing potions of invisibility both because he feels completely and totally Unsafe walking anywhere on the server when people can see him And as a relapse back into potion addiction reminiscent of his addiction post-exile.

he was at his absolute lowest point, his abuser and murderer escaped from prison ready to torment him and everyone he cares about for Literally forever. he was Desperately trying to find any form of stability, Desperately trying to reach out to for anyone he could trust, and he Intentionally opened up to someone he Did trust completely once. someone who made him feel safe, someone he trusted with his entire life.

he opened up Because he wanted that relationship, Because he wanted wilbur in his life, Because wilbur had wanted Him in His life. he wanted to cross that gap between them. he was making himself vulnerable to Extend that trust To wilbur.

and wilbur stopped talking to him for months and then left.

that's not going to do good things to his mental health or stability. tommy was Already displayed active suicidal tendencies BEFORE dream broke out of prison.

if he'd managed to kill dream for good and the characters went about their lives tommy would have to let wilbur go. rationalizing what happened, justifying wilbur's decision, would not be healthy.

he can accept that wilbur made the right decision for Himself. he can accept that Wilbur needed to leave, that Wilbur needed time to himself.

but tommy clinging on to wilbur's memory, justifying that he was left for dead with his abuser On Purpose, would not be healthy.

tommy would Need to realize that what happened wasn't okay. there Is no going back to having a relationship with wilbur. wilbur was Allowed to make the choice he did, but it Was a choice.

I can't bare to think of the alternative. where tommy is abandoned, deeply damaged by that abandonment, has to face his abuser and murderer Without someone he'd once considered a brother, and then turn around and just answer wilbur's call the moment Wilbur decides he's ready to have a relationship again.

that would just. be sad. genuinely awful.

and I can't let that go. the decisions they made were Sensible, I can see how it was necessary for wilbur to Have a proper send off when he did. there's no Satisfying way to re-imagine this series of events without it not Being the end.

but it tried to depict itself As a soft ending, As the characters having a future together, when it simply is not. if wilbur escaped the narrative then he left the people he cared about to be victims of the narrative Knowingly.

and it's frustrating Because I can see how it'd happen by accident. How the implications would be both meticulously set up and gone completely unseen.

but for my money, if I were to fix it on its own terms. with no additional screen time after, no change in the streams leading up to the end, and the understanding that tommy's story could not end at this point by necessity (the same restrictions that they had at the time)

I would have wilbur ask tommy to come with him. I'd have the reveal be that wilbur wanted to take tommy with him The Entire Time but knew that tommy was stubborn and attached to the server. but the moment he understood Exactly How Bad It Was he knew he needed to get them out of there Now.

so he did his best to hold dream off for now, and Immediately went to work setting up their escape (we don't need to understand How the portal to utah works, just that it took some time to set up).

it would recontextualize some of their earlier interactions, it would recontextualize his absence after the logsted stream, and it would recontextualize why wilbur didn't tell him until now.

and of course, because tommy has to stay (and because tommy is tommy) he refuses. he refuses not because he doesn't Want to go with wilbur (he wants to be with him more than anything, he wants to feel safe more than anything). but because he can't abandon the people on the server, because he can't let go until he knows dream is gone, because he will never ever feel safe until dream is dead.

and it can be a big dramatic blow out that Ends with that quiet awkward understanding, not with the characters being emotionally in sync but Knowing that this is how this moment has to play out. that same melancholy, that same understand that a choice is being made that can't go back, But It's Mutual.

It's Mutual And Born From Love.

because wilbur Wanted to save tommy, because tommy Wanted wilbur to stay, because they both understand why things aren't happening that way.

and they'll still be Hurt after. their relationship will still be impacted. this will still be something to Work Through rather than the magic soft fix that will make their relationship healthy and fluffy again.

but it's Fixable. if tommy survives there's a relationship still in tact to build on. there's a future where they both trust each other again one day, to find comfort and stability in each other. to put in the Work to build a life once the horror finally ends.

of course, if I had a say a lot more than this would've been changed. but it's a thought that plagues me because of how plausibly it Could have been what we'd gotten. because it would have worked without changing anything and it still would have hurt me at the time but it would have been the Good hurt. not a goodbye forever but goodbye until I can see you again. Goodbye And I Love You.

(at least until tommy got exploded with a bomb and forgot that wilbur existed. yippie)

[akutasoda]

Hiii can I request angst hcs with the obey me brothers with a adopted fem demon teen mc who fell in love with an angel

all too familiar damnation

synopsis - a cruel sense of déjà vu torments them as they watch you fall in love with an angel

includes - lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan, asmodeus, beelzebub, belphegor - all platonic!

warnings - fem!teen!reader, angst, slight spoilers for the brothers in general?, wc - 1.2k

lucifer ★↷

↪it ultimately fell down to his word, no matter what brother insisted that they should take you into their family, as to whether you could join the brother's family. but he knew that he wouldn't be able to say no regardless.

↪he also knew that teenagers could be an absolute handful, he had to witness all his brothers go through the same phase, and he didn't exactly trust their attitudes now to set a good impression on you.

↪but he never expected that he'd be faced with such a dilemma. lucifer understood that you would make friends and such but he never anticipated, nor knew how, an angel became one of them. and a potential lover at that.

↪contrary to expected belief, but he didn't actually care that it was an angel that you fell in love with. no, he cared about what that meant for you and the angel - he watch what happened with lillith and her human lover and he doubted that your punishment would be any nicer.

↪lucifer had allowed you to integrate with his brother's and become family, and the last thing he wanted was for you to face the same fate as lillith. he could not lose another sister.

mammon ★↷

↪at first, he was surprised by how excited he was to have a new member of the family - mainly because you probably wouldn't pick on him like the rest of his brothers - but his brother's concerns quickly rubbed of on him.

↪lucifer would say that mammons behaviour wasn't exactly the kind you, as a teen, needed to be influenced by but mammon would always brush it off as lucifer being negative.

↪learning about your angelic crush left him practically distraught. by no means did he want to discourage you from pursuing the angel but he also didn't want you to see the same fate as lillith saw. it was a cruel form of déjà vu.

↪mammon knew he couldn't do anything. he didn't want to discourage you but even if you did, your love for that angel probably would be stronger and so now he could only watch helplessly as you face due punishment.

leviathan ★↷

↪he didn't care initially. well maybe he cared a little bit considering the fact that you would be a new member to the family but he knew himself that it would take ages for him to actually come around to that as a fact.

↪but not getting to know you quicker was a blessing and a curse to him. as learning of your crush meant one thing and one thing only, him and his brothers saw this scene play out before the only difference being that it was now a demon and an angel.

↪because levi wasn't as well acquainted with you than everyone else he felt less distress but at the same time he felt guilty for not feeling the same as his brothers. if anything he only felt helpless to help you in any sense.

satan ★↷

↪he only knew of lillith's existence through stories that were rarely told and so he could barely understand his brother's qualms when they first adopted you. you weren't lillith and they ought to see you as your own person in this family.

↪however he did recognise the cruel irony that came around when he learnt of your angelic lover. if lillith got punished for falling in love with a human, he couldn't even begin to imagine the punishment you and the angel would endure.

↪satan wouldn't endure the same pain as the rest of them following this discovery, but he would feel an immense amount of anger and pity. he didn't exactly know where the anger was pointed towards - maybe just a natural reaction as the avatar of wrath - but the pity was most certainly directed toward you and the angel.

↪he knew that you and the angel probably would try and escape whatever punishment was tried against you two. but ultimately he would lose you, his younger sister, no matter what the outcome was and now his anger was null.

asmodeus ★↷

↪he was quite excited when they first took you in. sure he did share his brother's hesitance but he thought that having a fresh face around the house would be nice.

↪due to his status as the avatar of lust he probably was either the first to find out or be told. admittedly, he was in shock to find out that it was infact an angel that caught your affection but he did find it adorable.

↪he didn't care in the slightest that it probably would never be allowed but he knew that not everyone would share that view. and to that extent he felt rather cruel for encouraging you.

↪he knew that an unfair fate awaited both you and the angel but he knew that regardless of what he did, he couldn't change it. and so he would only encourage you and hope that somehow you two would be spared.

beelzebub ★↷

↪a mixture of emotions consumed beel when you first became part of their family. at first he cpuld only really be happy that you would becime apart of their family but his brother's hesitance affected him more than he wished for it to.

↪beel saw the problem immediately when he learnt of your angel crush but he didn't want to address it with you, he figured you probably knew aswell. if he could, he probably would wish to change this.

↪he didn't do anything when lillith fell in love with that human and now he can't stand to do anything when you fell in love with that angel. you both know that there isn't a single thing that will be changed but he can't bear to watch you go through the same fate as lillith did.

belphegor ★↷

↪he resented you when you first appeared. you weren't lillith and you never would be, therefore he refused to acknowledge that he could have another sister other than her. so he held little respect or regard for you - much to his brother's dismay.

↪he took little interest in your likes, dislikes and practically everything about you, making him the last to find out that you had fallen in love with an angel.

↪when he did find out, his first reaction was to scoff. but he didn't. all of a sudden he realised the big sense of déjà vu that washed over him, and belphegor could only be mad - at himself and at you.

↪at you for the fact that he saw it as a selfish act, you fell in love with that angel and no doubt that your actions would affect him and his brothers who decided to take you in.

↪at himself for not getting to know you - it wasn't your fault and he was merely being stubborn. he refused to ever see you as your own person and now he felt powerless to help like he did with lillith.

[jesncin]

Are you at all excited for the upcoming Absolute Martian Manhunter book later this year? It'll be the most high-profile launch J'onn has been a part of for a long while, being DC's attempt at an "Ultimate Marvel" line. Given how the approach seems to be defined by removing elements of the characters' status quo - Superman has no Krypton tech, Batman is not a billionaire, Wonder Woman is the last of the Amazons etc. - I think there's a very real possibility that for J'onn they'd pivot in the opposite direction and give us a living Martian society. If only because J'onn has so little anyway, there's not as much to remove as with other members of the League, so the logical thing would be adding something back in to shake things up. I'm personally hoping for some combination of Weird and Noir.

I'm absolutely (heh) excited for it (because a new refreshing change even in an elseworld story is exactly what J'onn needs right now!) but also cautious and,,, concerned. DC's revealed the Absolute gimmicks for just about all the other solo supers but J'onn is essentially still a rumor? What's going on there? I was also concerned when Superman's Absolute gimmick was supposedly "he'll be more alien than human" "he doesn't have a fortress of solitude, no Kents, etc" which,,, sounds a lot like J'onn tbh but we'll have to wait and see. Sometimes writers do this thing where they try to do something new with Superman and it's just re-worked J'onn lore. And J'onn lore is fundamentally flawed so in turn that take on Superman doesn't work, but that's just me with early concerns.

Ooh! That's a good point actually! That feels like the most logical shakeup they could do, and YJa helped warm people up to the idea of a living Mars (which I also agree would spice things up and differentiate J'onn from Clark more). And I'd absolutely (heh) love more supernatural-weird-noir for J'onn! We finally had J'onn play into being a martian detective in the 2019 Identity run, but it was more cop drama than detective noir which I would love to see. My only addendum to the idea of a living Mars as an Absolute gimmick is, since YJa popularized this already, what else will this take do to innovate on that idea? My personal wish list is:

Revitalize J'onn's cast system (a mix of old and brand new characters. Don't just make him watch tv to care about humans. Give this martian relationships!!)

Figure out his themes outside of grief!! (I love sad Martian man but he needs to do more than that! It's been stagnating his character)

No Justice League stuff or other superhero cameos/team ups. (J'onn NEEDS to prove he can stand on his own as a solo character so he can stop being pigeonholed as the League's heart or therapist.)

Fresh new take on Martian world building (please get rid of Martian racism, it's dumb and never made sense. It's a shapeshifting society and the idea of characters like M'gann essentially "greenfacing" to "pass" is so weird)

Critical reimagining of J'onn's relationship to justice (we need to get rid of or critically examine his relationship to copaganda.)

Integrate Blackness more thoroughly into his character (CW Supergirl and that one Nubia Coronation special comic are still the only takes that have done this. Come on guys!!)

More thorough reflection of J'onn's multiple identities (undoubtedly what makes J'onn special. But the comics rarely dig into what it means for J'onn to be multiple people. I would love it if his identities [especially the racialized ones] weren't treated as so,,,disposable.)

Ma'alefa'ak please (I just want to see him again I don't even care if they do a bad job. However all I ask is he be a green martian and J'onn's twin again. And a slutty design.)

The last time we saw a big overhaul to J'onn's character was the New 52, and the major flaw of that run was that it had no clear thematic intention to how it interpreted his character. So we ended up with just a bunch of references and a convoluted edgy story that doesn't help J'onn become a self sustaining solo character. The Absolute line is the perfect platform to revitalize him as a character, but I hope the writers can think in the long term to combat his foundational issues.

[writeforfandoms]

The Name of the Wind 3

Find the series masterlist

I know this is a bit late BUT this is still for @glitterypirateduck challenge. This is not the last chapter of this story, but it is the last chapter that will be using prompts from the challenge. This chapter used "Do you trust me?"

Warnings: Swearing, wooing, someone is a little oblivious, flying, dragons. Oh, and two new/familiar characters show up.

Word count: 1.8k

Weeks passed. You learned your way around and met the other people who lived there. Not just the riders, but the kitchen staff too. You learned how everything worked, when to eat, where to wash up. Everything. 

It was different from how your life had been before, but different didn't mean bad. Not in this case. 

You never heard another word about your would-be husband. And you certainly didn't ask - that would be inviting trouble. 

The hardest thing to adapt to was the most integral part of your role here. 

The dragons. 

Caba was very calm every time you interacted with him… which was quite a bit in the beginning, as Alejandro used him to demonstrate how the harnesses went on and where they wore the most. Caba didn't mind being used as a show model, remaining calm around you. 

Unfortunately, that could not be said of every dragon. 

The youngest dragon in the garrison, a blue female, actually knocked you off your feet when you met her. Her rider was apologetic, helping you back to your feet. The freshly-chastened dragon drooped like a misbehaving pup while Caba oversaw the fitting process for her harness. 

You did not get knocked over a second time. But it did take multiple washes to get all the mud off you later.

After that little incident, Caba or Alejandro was around for every new dragon you met. You weren't sure if you were flattered, or disgruntled. 

Perhaps the most interesting thing to you was how self-contained the garrison was. Supplies came from the capital regularly, but the garrison otherwise seemed to be run by Alejandro. He oversaw everything, from training to rotations to travel. He didn't seem to need to ask anyone above him for anything, which seemed both curious and, if you were being honest, appealing. 

An honest man, with a sense of humor, who treated everyone well and didn't place himself above the others? And one who was also competent and ran his garrison well? 

Honestly, you were surprised he didn't have a spouse already. 

(He didn't. You knew because you'd caught some of the younger riders gossiping.) 

You were, however, surprised when he approached you after breakfast one day. You didn't always sit at his table, only sometimes. Usually when he or Rodolfo flagged you down. This was the first time he had approached you, usually summoning you to his side instead. 

“How much work do you have today?” He asked, walking next to you as you put your dirty dishes in the bins. 

“Not a lot, nothing urgent,” you responded slowly. You had a custom order you were excited to work on, but that could wait another day. Especially if Alejandro needed you for something. 

He flashed a grin at you, nearly making your knees wobble. “So you have time free.” 

“I do,” you agreed, eyeing him. “Why?”

“Do you trust me?” He stopped in the hallway, turning fully to face you. 

You nodded slowly, looking at him. “I do.” 

“Meet me outside in twenty minutes. Wear something warmer.” He held your gaze, magnetic and unavoidable. 

“Okay,” you agreed, soft and a little surprised. But you hadn't lied. You did trust him. 

At least enough to trust that he wouldn't toss you out of the overlook, or anything like that.

It took very little time to grab a warm coat and gloves, since you weren't exactly sure what you were going to be doing. The walk outside was full of the typical bustle of the garrison - you passed riders going every which way, and as you passed near the kitchen, the chatter and chinking of washing reached your ears. 

It was amazing to think about how quickly this had become home to you. 

Alejandro stood outside next to Caba, waiting on you, dressed in his riding leathers. You allowed yourself only a moment or two to let your gaze wander over the well-fitted leathers before looking to the dragon instead. 

To your surprise, he wore a modified version of his harness. 

“We don't need the full harness,” Alejandro said, having correctly guessed your line of thinking from the surprise in your face and the line of your gaze. “Not for this.”

“And what is this?” You asked hesitantly, stopping in front of him. 

Alejandro grinned, bright and pleased, with only a little humor. “You said you trust me.” 

“I do,” you reiterated, only to squeak when Alejandro grabbed your hand and pulled you to Caba. “What–?” 

But Alejandro offered no answer beyond stopping next to Caba, who had obligingly laid down to make his shoulder not entirely out of reach. Alejandro knelt and patted his thigh. 

“You can reach the straps to help pull yourself up,” he offered, watching you. “It is easier if you have a boost to start.” 

You stared at him for a moment before turning your gaze to the dragon. “What?” You squeaked. 

Alejandro did his best not to laugh at you, lips clamped together even as his shoulders shook. “Up you go,” he encouraged, hints of laughter in his voice.

You thought about protesting, but, well. You did trust him. So you took a deep breath and used his proferred thigh as a step up. Your ascent up Caba's shoulder was not graceful, but you also didn't slide back down. You'd take that as a good thing. You felt very high up, sitting on his back as you were. 

Alejandro climbed up after you, making it look easy. He sat behind you, his thighs bracketing yours. You swallowed, suddenly quite warm. 

“Hold here,” Alejandro murmured, low and close to your ear, reaching past you to pull on a strap. You grabbed it tight, partially to hide the shaking in your fingers. “Don't worry. I won't let you fall.” One of his hands settled at your waist. You sucked in a sharp breath, partially disguised by the sudden movement under you as Caba got to his feet. You rocked with the movement, startled. 

Caba didn't give you any time to adjust, though. He just started away from the garrison, using the open flat space to gain some speed. Massive leathery wings snapped out at his sides. You squeezed the strap tighter at the first sweep of those wings, feeling unsteady but for Alejandro's solid presence at your back. 

One more downsweep and Caba launched into the air, the pressure pushing you back against Alejandro. He held firm, his grip on your waist reassuring. 

Caba leveled out soon after, the pressure easing. Wind whipped in your face, cold but clear. You blinked rapidly as you adjusted, breathing in slowly. 

Alejandro squeezed your waist gently, His head close to yours as he shouted to be heard over the wind. “Look now.” 

You did, and gasped. From here you could just barely see the coast, blue stretching for miles and miles. The river valley below seemed very far away, though the river sparkled where it came down from the mountains and snaked across the land. You couldn't look down for long, though, before you started to feel dizzy. 

But you didn't fear falling. Not with Alejandro pressed up close behind you as he was. 

It didn't take long for your nose to go nearly numb, the cold wind seeping your warmth. No wonder the riders all wore leathers and fur up here. Your hands did go numb, fingers still clenched tight around the strap. 

“See? Not so bad, hmm?” Alejandro sounded smug, his voice rumbling against your back and in your ear, even as his breath warmed your skin. 

You just laughed, leaning back slightly, trusting him to keep you safe. 

And he did. 

You had no idea how long Caba flew the two of you. But he didn't go far into the valley before turning for the coast, making a big loop. From this height, you could see the town you'd left behind weeks ago, as well as a couple other garrisons, notable from the other dragons in the air. From this height, everything seemed small, even your lingering worries. 

Eventually, he angled back towards the garrison, gliding down at a gentle angle. Alejandro's hand at your waist encouraged you to lean back further, your back pressed to his chest, until Caba landed. The big dragon chuffed and continued walking, wings setting against his back again. 

You blinked, confused, but Alejandro just chuckled. “You're back early,” he called to someone up ahead, the hand on your waist tightening briefly. 

“For once,” another man called back. You spotted a dark-haired man standing up ahead, another scruffier man by his side. Caba stopped a short distance from the two, and Alejandro swung one leg over to face them. He did not get down, however. 

“Need a ride back to the capital, then?” 

“S'pose so,” the scruffier man answered, gaze on you. “You offering?”

Alejandro chuckled. “I will arrange it,” he said, though you noted he didn't offer to do it himself. “Come inside, have something to eat.” 

“Gonna introduce us?” The scruffier one asked, still peering up at you. 

“If we see you at dinner.” Alejandro didn't offer anything else as Caba started walking again, leaving the two men behind to make his way back to the cavern entrance. 

“Who were they?” You asked, undeniably curious now. 

“Nobody of import.” Alejandro waited for Caba to lay down again before he slid down the dragon's side. “Here. I'll help.” He held his hands up to you, watching closely. 

You eyed the distance down, biting your lip. He hadn't led you to harm yet. It did take a few moments to unclamp your hands, fingers aching from being locked in position for so long, but then you carefully swung a leg over and slid down. Alejandro caught you, making sure you didn't land too hard and holding you upright when your knees wobbled. 

“Alright?” He asked quietly, giving you a quick once-over. 

“Yeah.” You smiled up at him. “That was… incredible. Thank you.” 

“I will take you as often as you wish.” His smile was smaller than usual but brighter, happier. 

“You don't mind?” You couldn't help the note of hesitancy, of shyness. 

“Not if it's you.” He leaned closer to you, until you were firmly bracketed between Caba at your back and Alejandro at your front. 

Your breath caught in your throat. He was so close and so warm. 

Caba rumbled, something you felt more than heard, vibrating against your back. You startled, turning your head to try to figure out what was going on. 

Alejandro sighed and backed off. “Sit with me at dinner tonight,” he invited, gently taking hold of your hand, rubbing some of the ache from your fingers. 

“Okay,” you agreed, a little dazed still. 

He smiled again, that small but sincere smile you were quickly becoming attached to, and took a step back. Another, and he released your hand, and turned to go. 

You stood there, needing Caba's silent support, for longer than you wanted to admit.

[thedeathlysallows]

Last Christmas

Pairing: Felix x Female!Reader

Summary: This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special

Warnings: smut. p in v, Dom!Felix, spanking, blood play, oral (f! receiving), unprotected sex

With Thanksgiving over and my birthday on the horizon, the Christmas season has started for me (though tbh I am in fact one of those people who loves Christmas year round). So enjoy this celebratory story!

"This is a disaster," you complain to no one in particular. "I can't believe I got roped into this."

When Gianna approached you about attending her work's Christmas party you had initially declined. You've seen her paychecks, her apartment, her wardrobe. It's a whole fucking lot. There's absolutely no way you could confidently rub elbows with the people she works with.

But then she gave you the puppy dog eyes.

And then she gave you an "old dress" of hers that just so happened to be your exact size.

On top of all that, she also gave you a matching pair of heels and a new purse.

You couldn't say that after being so spoiled by your best friend.

"Oh, hush," Gianna tells you. "This isn't so bad."

"We're in masks!"

She shrugs. "It's a masquerade. You should be a bit more grateful, ya know. If you weren't here with me you would be at your own work function with-"

You raise a hand, effectively cutting her off. "Don't. I don't want to think about him."

Gianna lifts a brow, her eyes silently teasing you as she hides her smile behind her wine glass. "Then don't."

"I need a drink." You heave a dramatic sigh as you slip off your barstool and slink through the crowd to find the bar.

The large ballroom is packed to the brim with people, most of them chatting with one another in small groups while a few others dance wherever they can find the space. It's strange that, despite the larger number of people in the room, you aren't feeling the least bit warm. In fact, it's kind of cold. Oh well. You'd rather feel the slight chill than want to burst out of your own skin from overheating, you think as you finally get to the bar.

"What can I get you?" The bartender asks.

You give him your order and sweep your eyes over the room one more time as you wait. Everyone is laughing and generally enjoying their time together. Had this been your work party you would be slinking around in the shadows, begging whatever god would listen that you wouldn't run into your ex.

The one who dumped you last year.

On Christmas.

And then hooked up with your step sister.

Also on Christmas.

"I'd hate to be whoever you're thinking about right now," a low masculine voice says just over your left shoulder.

You jump, slightly embarrassed to be caught. "Oh, uh, yeah..."

You trail off, not sure of what to say when you get a good look at him. He easily towers over you and seems to be as wide as two of you put together. His muscles are visible even through the exceptionally well tailored midnight blue suit he wears. Each one of his movements, despite being graceful, threatens the integrity of said suit. If he flexes even slightly you're sure it'll rip at the seams. His mask is the same color as his suit with silver filigree around the edges. It reminds you of a prettier Phantom of the Opera mask. Behind the mask his eyes are dark. Almost pitch black.

He tilts his head as he looks down at you. "I haven't seen you before."

You shove a thumb over your shoulder, pointing to where you left your friend. "G-Gianna, she- I'm her friend."

Leave it to you to become an absolute mess in front of the first handsome man you see.

"Friend or friend," he teases with a wolfish grin.

"Just friends. I'm not her type."

"But you're someone's type."

You scoff. "Not in about a year."

He hums thoughtfully. "A touchy subject, I see."

"I got dumped on Christmas."

You aren't sure exactly why you're spilling your guts to this guy. Maybe it's the masks. The anonymity of it all is probably giving you a sense of misplaced courage.

Your handsome stranger picks up your hand and runs his lips across your knuckles. "Then he's a fool. Someone as sweet as you should be cherished always."

Heat floods through your body and prickles at your skin. "I don't know about that."

"I do. What's your name? Or shall I just call you darling?"

You give him your name and he repeats it reverently. "Do I get your name?"

"Felix," he says as he bends down so his lips are next to your ear. "It's best to remember as you'll be screaming it later."

You laugh. "Sure, big guy."

The bartender hands you the drink you ordered and you cheers Felix on your way back to your table. You can feel his eyes on your back as you walk away.

Gianna looks panicked as you take your seat, her doe eyes large and afraid. "What took you so long? Did you talk to anyone?"

"Just-" you look back to the bar and find Felix in the same spot you left him. "-him."

All the color drains from her face. She gathers her purse and coat quickly, saying, "we're leaving. Now. Get your things."

She spares one more look at Felix who simply inclines his head before disappearing into the crowd. If it's at all possible, Gianna looks even more physically disturbed.

"Make sure to lock your door tonight. Don't let anyone in for any reason," she lectures while rushing you out of the building and down the street. "Do you understand?"

You struggle to keep up with her hurried steps. "I know I've made questionable choices in the past, but I don't tend to let strangers in my apartment."

Gianna looks at you, her face dead serious. "If anyone comes, scream. Scream as loud as you can."

Her warning echoes around in your head for the rest of the night as you get ready for bed. You aren't used to seeing Gianna afraid. Out of the two of you, she's the one with the unshakable courage. You're just... you. And that's always been fine. Usually. Mostly. It's just unsettling, is your point. It's unsettling that Gianna is scared.

Your doorbell rings suddenly, and you're about to answer it, your hand inches away from the bronze doorknob, when Gianna's words pass through your mind one more time.

Don't let anyone in.

So you don't.

Not even when the doorbell rings two more times.

Nope.

You ignore it three whole times... but the fourth time is what gets you. It's just that it's annoying, you reassure yourself. You'll tell whoever it is to go away and that'll be that.

"Felix?" You stare in bewilderment when you open the door. "How do you know where I live?"

He's even more handsome without the mask. His face is chiseled and angular like some sort of statue of a Greek god. The smile he gives you is positively radiant. Charming even. He holds up your coat.

"I texted Gianna when I saw you left your coat. She gave it to me."

"She did?"

Felix nods.

"Oh... well..." You open your front door wider. "Do you want to come in?"

"I would love to." He steps over the threshold and looks around your tiny apartment. His eyes linger on the Christmas tree in the corner of your living room. "I see your breakup hasn't dampened your holiday spirit."

"Nope. Can't let the fucker ruin all of my Christmases."

"Eloquently put."

Heat pools in your cheeks, a sense of inferiority creeping in. "Do you want anything to drink? I've got tea, coffee, water..."

Felix shakes his head. "I'm alright, thank you."

"Look, I-"

Whatever you were about to say dies on your lips because Felix is suddenly there, mouth on yours. His lips are cold and demanding as he guides you through the kiss. He tastes sweet like candy.

"What were you about to say?" Felix grips your hips, pressing you closer to him. You feel his erection press into your stomach and all thoughts leave your mind, replaced with the aching need between your thighs.

The part of your brain that's still semi-operational tells you this is a bad idea, but the louder, hornier part quickly overrides it.

Felix is hot.

It's Christmas.

Why shouldn't you do this?

You tilt your head up, angling for another kiss. "Nothing. I wasn't going to say anything."

Felix smiles and you swear you see the flash of extra sharp canine teeth, but it must've just been a shadow. It's gone in the next second.

His mouth meets yours again, his tongue tracing across your lower lip. You moan into the kiss and feel your body melt completely against his. He lifts you easily, like you weigh nothing, never breaking the kiss. Reflexively, your legs wrap around his waist.

"Good girl," Felix praises you. "Which way to your bedroom."

You gesture wildly, hoping he'll get the idea. The only thing you can focus on is the feel of his hard cock pressed against your core. Even through the layers of clothes you can tell he's huge. You feel almost feverish with how badly you want him.

Felix, sensing your neediness, all but runs to your room. He places you on your bed and demands you turn on your stomach, his hands making quick work of your pajamas. He strips out of his own clothes and leaves them in a pile on the floor.

You arch your back and wiggle your ass, your hand falling between your legs to toy with your clit. Felix groans as he watches you play with yourself. He knew he chose well tonight, but he never imagined you'd be this willing. This pliant.

"Fuck, you're so wet for me, darling." Felix grips your hip with one hand and uses his other to teases your entrance, sliding the tip in and out of your slick hole.

You can't find words so you moan instead, pressing back against him so he'll go deeper inside you.

"Mmm," he moans. "Tell me what you want."

"I..." you struggle answer, desperation rushing through you at an alarming rate. "I want you..."

"Try again, darling. Tell me what you want."

"You... I want... you..."

Smack! Felix's hand lands on your ass, the sound loud in the small room.

"I said," he says as he lands another slap on your ass, "tell me what you want."

Each word is punctuated by another spank. He growls at how red your ass is, bending down to lick where little droplets of blood bubble up on your skin. His tongue trails further down and he circles your entrance, savoring this taste of your blood mixing with your juices. Felix can hear your holding in your sobs and it hardens his cock even further.

"Felix," you manage to say between breaths. "Please, fuck me, please!"

Felix hums, pleased with your begging. "That's what I thought. You want my cock inside you, darling? You want to bounce that pretty little ass on it while you come?"

You nod. "Yes! Please!"

"Take it," he tells you as he slips inside you.

You cry out at the sudden intrusion. He's far bigger than you assumed earlier, stretching you around him as he pounds into you mercilessly. It hurts in the best possible way.

"Oh, fuck!" You throw your head back and it lands against his shoulder. "Oh, Felix, oh my god!"

Felix growls in response, the sound reverberating through your whole body. His mouth falls to your neck and his teeth sink in the delicate skin as he pumps in and out of you. He drinks deeply, swallowing mouthful after mouthful while you moan and let him fuck you.

"Come for me, darling," he whispers in your ear when he feels your slick cunt pulse around him.

You feel lightheaded but you do as he says, moaning when you feel him finish inside you as well.

Felix sighs as he pulls out of you, licking his mouth clean of the last few drops of your blood. Your wound should heal in a few days and you'll be left with a pleasant fog of memories.

"Thank you," he tells you as he pulls his clothes back on. "You don't know how badly I needed that."

You hum something that sounds like an affirmative, nuzzling into your bedsheets. Tomorrow you'll be sore with no recollection of why.

But at least this Christmas was better than the last.

[sleepyfan-blog]

Clinic Day

Author’s Note: This is the next installment of Cedric's story - watch him struggle to integrate into the Husbandry AU. First. Previous. Next

Tagged: @the-pure-angel @egrets-not-regrets @kit-williams

Warnings: misunderstandings

Summary: Cedric works in the Astartes run health care clinic in the town he’s found himself living in, on ancient Terra. 

In the handful of weeks that Cedric has spent on Ancient Terra, most of it has been spent in one of the eight Astartes bases in the large - for the time period's - city. As an apothecary in training, most of his days were spent working alongside older Apothecaries, learning whatever they were willing to teach him... And there was almost always a squad of Imperial Fists near wherever Cedric was working, for reasons that the young Black Templar hadn't questioned. They were the closest thing  he had to direct superiors and though they weren't Black Templars, his chapter had been founded by one of the Fists' First Captains, and their presence helped immensely.

He was curious as to why he hadn't seen any other Black Templars in the area. He'd seen Ultramarines - and several different of their successor chapters - as well as Imperial Fists - he'd spoke briefly with the Fist who'd been made Chapter Master (a stern and no-nonsense older brother who went by the name Mirros)... He'd seen plenty of Blood Angels - and members of their successor chapters (Including the perpetually unlucky Lamenters - poor, poor bastards), Salamanders, the occasional White Scar or Iron Hand... Cedric had patched up more than one pack of Space Wolves, or pod of Charcarodoons... He'd seen at least two or three of every first founded Loyalist chapter, as well as some of their most numerous successor chapters. But where were his fellow Black Templars? It was a question that had been starting to bother him rather persistently, though the young Apothecary wasn't exactly sure how to ask the question, nor to whom he should ask.

"Oi! Apothecary, are you going to continue to stare off into space, or are you going to help me?" A loud, irritated voice growled out in High Gothic, snapping Cedric out of his internal musings. 

Cedric dipped his head a little and responded to the growly Marine with a slightly apologetic "What have you come in for?" He was one of a half-dozen Astartes Apothecaries who were working at this medical clinic. It was available for both baseline human use as well as for any Astartes in need of help. Cedric was currently in medical scrubs - as the resources needed to make him a new suit of power armor were incredibly difficult to come by on Ancient Terra, and he had yet to gain the trust of the older brothers and cousins to earn any pieces of armor that might be handed down to hi-

Wait a fucking minute!

Cedric stared silently as he had finally registered the fact that the Marine in front of him, holding a small human child hostage was a fucking World Eater. 

The World Eater was a huge fucker too. Covered in jagged spikes and horns, likely fused to his armor. There were symbols of chaos carved into his pauldrons and cuirass. Cedric's eyes darted around the examination room - there was fuck-all he could use as an effective weapon against a Khornate Chaos Marine, especially with no fucking armor or real weapons of his own, but without armor, Cedric should be much faster than this demon-empowered, traitor. How the Fuck had he even gotten this far into the clinic? Or had the Chaos Marine used the miserable and sniffling human child as leverage against the Ultramarine who was manning the front desk, keeping the schedules and appointments in order? Oh. Oh fuck the chaotic traitor is talking. What is he saying? Cedric should probably be paying attention to the fucker.

"-nd that's when the sickness started. His parents say that it's just a common cold, but he's gotten those before. He's not been this sick for more than a couple of days. I'm worried that he's gotten something more serious. Look him over... Pease. He's my bonded and... I want to be sure that he lives as long as possible. Baseline humans live for such short periods of time..." The World Eater huffed, holding the tiny human close to his chest, surprisingly making sure not to spear the poor boy on his spikes. 

What... What Chaos-fueled trickery was this? If Cedric's ears weren't deceiving him, this Traitor was genuinely concerned about the human child in his arms. And given the utter devastation his legion in particular was notorious for on formerly peaceful imperial worlds - the vicious bloodshed as they drowned whole systems in tides of blood for their false god, this felt like some sort of sick and twisted cosmic joke. Cedric counted to ten in his head as he took in a deep breath and let it out before responding through clenched teeth, aiming to keep his voice calm "When did his more serious symptoms manifest? What is the child's name? I'm not sure I caught it. Does he understand Gothic, or should I get an interpreter so he can participate in his healthcare? I am... Learning the local languages, but I have only been on Ancient Terra for... I believe the term is a month and a half."

"My name is Andrew, doctor. I do understand these words, a bit. But I speak-" The child explained, before breaking off into one of the local languages, speaking faster than Cedric could parse through, especially when trying very hard not to descend into a furious whirlwind of fists and holy wrath when faced by a Chaotic Traitor. "- much better, sir."

"Well, the first thing I need to do is give you a full examination, to check you over. Then, I'm going to use this needle to draw some -" Would the word blood push the Khornate Fucker into a frenzy? Cedric did not know and had no desire to risk the child's safety "-vital fluids, for some tests. Those tests will take about an hour, and hopefully we'll be able to figure out what's going on."

"Will the needle hurt?" Andrew asked, huge brown eyes wet with tears, fearful.

"It will hurt, but only a little, like pinching your finger." Cedric answered truthfully. He was pretty sure that the sight of fresh blood would send the Khornate Fucker into a frenzy. He'd rather avoid that if at all possible so he asks, internally gagging on how polite he has to be to a filthy traitor. His teeth were still clenched as he requests "Please set Andrew down... Older Cousin. He will need privacy as I check him over and draw a sample of his vital fluids. Please wait outside the room, ideally in the waiting room-" His eyes flicked over the other's armor, trying to figure out if the other had some sort of rank to refer to him as "... Sergeant." God-emperor forgive him, but he is trying to get this child to safety. He is going to hit the safety alarm soon, too.

Benji clearly did not like his suggestion, and looked down at the tiny human in his arms "... Are you sure that I can't stay with him? Even if I set him down on the exam table and promise not to interfere with you checking him over?"

Were he not a Treacherous Chaotic Bastard, such a compromise would be fine. But Cedric wanted him out of the room. Out of the clinic, and ideally back to whatever demon-infested pit he had crawled out of. He bit the inside of his cheek, hard. Until he could taste the metallic tang of blood in his mouth "Check-ups are done with the most amount of privacy possible. Unless Andrew asks you to stay, I am asking you to leave, per the local laws we're to abide by."

"... Fine. But if you hurt my bonded, there is nothing that will stop me from getting vengeance. If there is so much as a hair out of place... Your comeuppance will be brutal. your pleas for mercy will -" The Khornate Bastard began to threaten.

Cedric closed his eyes for a moment, taking in another deep breath, trying to shove the fury at the insult that he would be the one to harm the child of the two of them threatened to crack his composure as he interrupted the posturing Traitor "The only harm done to him will be a small prick of the needle, which is necessary for the tests that need to be run. Apart from that, I have taken oaths not to harm patients unless absolutely necessary, and on Ancient Terra, I have yet to need to give a patient the Emperor's Final Mercy, and I doubt that this patient will need such. Leave. Please."

"... Fine. I'll wait in the holding room. But -" Benji breaks off into one of the local languages, clearly telling the young baseline human something. Cedric wished he knew what the fucker was saying, but the older marine was speaking far too rapidly for him to begin to guess. Once he finished giving instructions to the child he continued "I am one shout of his away and I will break your spine if you hurt him more than absolutely necessary. Understood?"

Cedric swallowed down the challenging words that were on the tip of his tongue. Now was not the time to get into a brawl with a Chaotic Traitor. Not when he was so close to separating the two of them and being able to check to see if the child was willingly with this fucker (and thus Chaos Tainted, or at least blind to the dangers) or if he was being held hostage. "You need not threaten me, sergeant. I am not the threat to this child."

"Good." With that, the Khornate bastard finally, finally left the room, closing the door behind him with a loud bang. Cedric counted to ten ins his head before raising the room's internal shielding and kneeling down, so as to be as close to the child's level as possible. He gently held the young boy's hands as gently as he could "Listen to me. You understand, yes?"

Andrew nodded, a confused expression on his face "Yes. I understand."

"Okay, so I activated a shield that means that he can't hear us talking, so please speak truthfully. Did he kidnap you? Is he holding you against your will?" Cedric asked, doing his best to keep his voice calm and soothing "My older brothers and I can help you, if that's true. Or if he's threatening your family, so that you behave."

Andrew looked startled and confused. He shook his head "No! No, nothing like that. Benji's safe, I promise! He's very nice to me an' my family! I know he looks really mean and scary,, but he really is nice. He growls 'cause he cares."

Poor child. So young, and already tainted or at least blinded by Chaos. But it was his duty to tend to anyone who walked into the clinic, no matter their allegiance, so long as they didn't try to attack anyone inside the clinic. "Alright. If that answer changes, please come see me. My name is Cedric, and I'll help you as best I can. Now, let's see what illness is making you all sneezy and feverish, hmm?"

"Okay!" Andrew responded, smiling adorably up at him.

Cedric couldn't help but return the smile as he narrated what he was going to do next during his exam of the young human - patiently answering the questions he had, and letting him look over the instruments he was using in order to complete the check-up, as he'd been instructed to. Pediatric care was not something he'd been taught before he'd come to Ancient Terra. 

~

The next several patients were adult humans. Two had work-related injuries that he helped to set initially, before giving them the paperwork they needed in order to start the process, suggesting that they speak with one of the medically-inclined Ultramarines at the front desk in case they needed help filling out the paperwork, or were confused about certain aspects of that process as it wasn't something that Cedric himself really understood. The other three adults had bad sunburns from a recent trip to the beach and an improper application of sunscreen schedule. he prescribed them burn ointments and sent them on their way.

He had just finished the write-up on the last patient he'd seen and had signaled to the front desk people that he was ready for another patient when a flirty voice called out "Oh my, well hello doctor. Aren't you a handsome, big man."

Cedric froze for a moment before spinning on his heel, shifting into a combat stance on instinct, his eyes narrowing as he spotted a fucking Emperor's Child leering up at him, his armor painted the bright and gaudy purple. The Chaos bastard's green stretched far too widely across his face and Cedric felt unclean at the way that the other was leering at him.

There was nothing visibly wrong with this... This affront to the god-emperor other than being a Chaotic Traitor, from what Cedric could see. He did not have a human with him. H could see something dripping from the other's claws, and given his last encounter with Slaaneshi-scum had ended with the death of one of his squad-mates, Cedric felt that it was entirely prudent for him to slam shoulder-first into the Emperor's Child, knocking the other off of his feet. He then pinned the pathetic excuse for a marine with one foot planted on the other's back, his gloved hands reaching for the nearest empty jar and a roll of tape. "Stay down, you Slaaneshi bastard! I don't know what nefarious fuckery has brought you here, but I will not have your poisoned touch corrupt the innocent souls here."

"Excuse me?! I came here because my -" The Emperor's Child spluttered.

Cedric shoved a stress ball in the bastard's lying mouth. It would do little to keep him quiet for more than a moment or two, but the silence was blessed "I don't care what lies you told the others to get in here, but know this, Slaaneshi whore, I will not let you corrupt the people here. I know damn well the literal poison that drips from your clawed hands, and the devastation it can bring. If you truly mean no harm, then stop struggling!" 

Surprisingly enough, the Chaos bastard did, in fact, stop trying to squirm out from where Cedric had him pinned. Not that the young Black Templar trusted his apparent compliance as he finished taping empty jars to both of the Slaaneshi bastard's still-dripping hands. He called over the vox unit that he'd been given "We need a full biohazard clean up. There's Slaaneshi poison dripped all over the floor and God Emperor knows how much he's dripped all over the fucking city. I don't think that it's a contact poison, but if it finds it's way into an open orifice or wound we're going to have problems. I've got the fucker who's secreting it contained for now, but we're going to need somewhere better to keep him... Unless we can banish him back to The Eye?"

One of the Salamander Apothecaries who was working next to Cedric's assigned exam room came sprinting out, a confused looking elderly human and their Dark Angel companion peering through the door behind him. The Dark Angel immediately picked up the human and shuffled deeper into the exam room- smart. 

"Cedric... Young one, you wanna explain why you've got an unresisting Marine in a headlock and jars taped to his hands? I know he's a Chaos Marine, but we've told you that things are... Different here on Ancient Terra. The Chaos Marines don't feel the pull of their false gods nearly as keenly here as they do where we are from. What do you mean by poison?"

"The substance that he is secreting out of his claws, it's one of the six most potent Slaaneshi poisons. If I am not mistaken, it's the Poison of Vainglory." Cedric explained, still keeping the Chaos Marine in place. He was trying not to think of why this particular fucker wasn't resisting the choke-hold, because Slaaneshi. He gives a quick run-down on what happens when someone is afflicted with the poison of Vainglory, voice cracking a little as he tries not to think of how one of his squad mates had nearly been corrupted beyond the Emperor's Light because of it. He finished with a miserable "As far as I know, there are no known antidotes or cures to any of the poisons. Allegedly there are certain kinds of witchery that can slow down the onset of symptoms... But once the vines begin to manifest, the afflicted being is beyond the Emperor's Light and is damned to be consumed upon death by the ruinous powers as their body twists into a horrible plant-homunculus that seeks to infect as many as possible with the poison. Which is why I taped jars to his hands - they are leaking the poison and while the poison can be cleansed in holy fire, I figured that the less of it is around to be cleansed, the better."

"Did you... Perhaps... Ask if he could stop dripping poison everywhere?" The Salamander asked, his voice gentle.

"... No? Why would he seek to do anything other than inflict his patron's wretched curse upon the innocent, and upon those of us who are loyal to the Emperor?" Cedric asked, blinking in confusion at the older apothecary. This was a Chaos Space Marine after all. Misery, cruelty and suffering was what they tried to spread to everyone they could get their corrupted hands on. Everyone knew that.

"That's not... I came here looking for help not to be judged by a Big Baby Boy! You are very mouthy for a Son of Dorn, aren't you?" The Slaaneshi Scum spluttered in his arms. 

Cedric tightened his grip, and put more of his weight on the older Marine "Still your tongue, traitor!"

"What help were you seeking?" The Salamander asked, looking genuinely concerned. Soft hearted bastard was going to get all of them killed. "Cedric, put him down. I know it goes against your training as a Black Templar to release a Chaos Marine you've gotten your hands on, but as we've told you earlier, things are very different here. I'll take over handling him. "

Cedric hesitated, torn between the clear and present danger that the Emperor's Child posed, and obeying a direct order from a superior who clearly had more experience in handling Chaos Marines in this context. "Sir?" 

"My claws just started dripping this poison this morning and couldn't get it to sto-how in the fuck did you get a Black Templar in the city? I'm surprised he hasn't murdered half the humans already for heretical beliefs!" The Slaaneshi Fucker sputtered, his eyes going wide - all six of them. 

"He's an Apothecary. And he's very recently appeared on Ancient Terra, and until you spooked the hell out of him, he's been adjusting fairly well." The Salamander responded, before looking directly at Cedric. "Put the Emperor's child down. Right now. I want you to go to Chapter Master Mirros and tell him what you just told me about Slaaneshi poison. That's not something I've heard of before, and will definitely be of interest to him. You've done very well. Come on now, lad. Ptu down the heretic. If he tries anything funny, I do have my flamer handy and you said that fire works to counter the poison?"

Cedric nodded, and glowered again at the Slaaneshi traitor "Yes sir, fire works very well against Slaaneshi poisons. And that which creates them." With that he lowered the Emperor's Child into the salamander's hands, before stalking off to go find Chapter Master Mirros. 

[sideprince]

A movie question I wanted to throw your way: what do you think about the decision to use a decent amount of physical acting on Rickman’s part for comic effect? I’m thinking his snatch of thin air in Philosopher's Stone, his creeping along the table towards Ron and Harry in Chamber, his dramatic point in that same scene, his walk up to the stage for Dueling Club, his whacking students in Goblet and Order, etc.

On one hand, I feel like this does match the tone of the books; he canonically lurks and prowls and points and snatches at the air, and his menace is often undercut by a physical description that’s meant to be some level of comedic. On the other hand, we don't see Snape nearly as much in the movies as we do in the books, so this aspect of his character seems somewhat overinflated by the movies?

TLDR I don’t think these decisions in the movie were completely out of left field, but it also feels off for some reason. Idk I don’t know how exactly to verbalize my feelings on the matter and wanted to hear your thoughts!

It will probably come as no surprise that I feel like any answer to this question is inseparable from the absolute hatchet jobs that are Steve Kloves' screenplays for the HP franchise. This reply is going to end up inevitably long (you ask me about my favorite subject, you suffer the consequences), but all of it is ultimately framed by the problem of having to make the best of a badly written script. (**edit: This post is way too long. Run away. Don't look back.)

The writing doesn't support the story

The first thing that jumps out to me is that there's a separation between where and how these comedic moments are used, up until the end of GoF and after. They're more a part of the story only until Harry's story arc reaches the point of Cedric's death, when he first witnesses death in the way that allows him to see thestrals after. GoF is when the story takes its first dark turn, and up until then the tone and story is much more in line with children's literature, so it makes more sense that Snape is portrayed in a bit of a playful way. After GoF - even though the films reveal it as an aside and much later than the original story does - Snape resumes his role as spy and becomes more integral to the story as a key character and is thus no longer just a foil in a children's story. I think what doesn't work about it is the inconsistency. The books have comedic moments with Snape too, which are cartoonish, up until the end of DH - I feel those are also out of place, but at least their existence gives a basis to what's done in the films.

Nevertheless, one of the biggest problems with the films is that they're badly edited. I'll leave that analysis for another post (you're welcome), but essentially these comedic moments feel inconsistent in part because there's often a disconnect between the performance a director has asked of his actors and the tone that's established in the editing room once pacing and a soundtrack are added. Any vision a director had for these films was muddled by the involvement of big studio producers and limitations. This is made more jarring by the way that Kloves has interjected light, funny moments in awkward ways throughout the scripts. He struggles overall to convey the world that Rowling has created, and if it weren't for the brilliant production design of Stuart Craig, Kloves' failures would be much more obvious (again, worthy of its own roast post).

Take the scene where Snape whacks Harry and Ron on the head in Gof: why are the students all studying in the Great Hall? Why are various years sitting together? Why is Snape overseeing them? It's a scene almost verbatim out of the book (Fred asks Angelina to the ball casually, he and George tell Ron and Harry to get dates "before all the good ones are gone," we find out Hermione already has a date), but like pretty much every scene that originally takes place in the Gryffindor common room, this one is moved to another location for no discernible reason. The main difference in the change is how restrictive it is: in the common room the children are free to be themselves, but in the Great Hall, under a strict teacher's nose, they have to be quiet and restrained. Another subject that would need its own post is the myriad of ways Kloves goes out of his way to rewrite settings and characters to avoid allowing them to express themselves or grow as characters, and how hard he works to stifle and limit them in ways that are convoluted and work against the story, as if he himself couldn't deal with any kind of emotional vulnerability (in a way, his scripts are a desperate cry for help). This directly contributes to why so many of Snape's comedic moments feel off.

The changes in the scene in GoF don't even make sense from a production perspective, as they required more actors, more lighting, and more setups. Instead of using the cozy setting of the common room to establish camaraderie between the students, Kloves replaced that energy and lightheartedness with Snape in a way that's uncharacteristic. The scene, as he wrote it, is already light and has humor, but Kloves doesn't trust it - he feels the need to exaggerate it and the casualties, as always, are the characters and their portrayal. It's as though he's following a formula and saying, "this page number/scene number must provide relief from the tension of the story" and then doesn't consider how following that directive fits into the rhythm of the narrative. It's closer to being an isolated scene akin to a comedy sketch than to a scene that's part of an act that's part of a film. It's worth noting that, in GoF, Kloves interjects this scene as if he's forcing this moment of comic relief into a story that didn't require it and then relies on playing off of Snape's usual seriousness as its crux. In OOtP, when there's a callback to it as Snape smacks Ron with a book again, it's no longer the point of the scene, but an aside in a comical montage focused on Umbridge (OOtP was also the only film not written by Kloves, so this moment is more likely the result of Michael Goldenberg trying to maintain a consistency with Kloves' work). Overall, I think that feeling of something being off is, again, more rooted in the writing than the performance.

Rickman as an actor playing Snape

There's a lot of criticism in the Snapedom of how Alan Rickman portrays Snape, but not enough acknowledgment that none of the characters are portrayed well, and most of it comes down to Kloves' writing of them. Book!McGonagall insists that all students under 17 are evacuated before the Battle of Hogwarts, where Movie!McGonagall only cares that the Slytherin students are locked in the dungeon, everyone else can stay, what does she care if first years die? Book!Hermione is intelligent and empathetic while Movie!Hermione is a two dimensional maternalistic harpy whose main job is to be a mouthpiece for plot exposition. Book!Ron is funny and brave and fiercely loyal, while Movie!Ron throws Hermione under the bus, is cowardly, and is reduced to a flatly written sidekick. Book!Harry is complex and while I could list a million examples, I'll stick to this one: in PoA when he finds out Sirius betrayed his parents, he's enraged but has no reply when asked if he'd want to kill Sirius. Movie!Harry says with conviction, and without prompting, that he wants to find Sirius with the explicit purpose of killing him. Every single character takes a hit because of how Steve Kloves writes them, and Snape is, sadly, no exception.

While some film shoots allow for improvisation, a big budget production on a tight schedule with scenes that require a lot of prep work can't afford to make many changes. So, for example, while Ralph Fiennes was asked to improvise his scene as Voldemort at the end of DH2 when he re-enters Hogwarts victorious (and that's why the dialogue is redundant and that weird hug with Draco continues to plague us), it could be done because the wardrobe and set and cast were already in place and the time required had already been scheduled in. It wouldn't be possible, though, to add an additional scene - like Snape going feral in the hospital wing at the end of PoA - unless it was written into the script. Additional actors would be required, which would mean coordinating with their schedules and adding them to the budget, not to mention scheduling in additional days with the crew who may already have other work lined up. It would require either pushing every other shooting day back - which is near impossible - in order to use the hospital wing set while it's still up, or tacking on production days to the end of the shooting schedule and rebuilding the set on those days. This can be done for necessary pickups that round out existing scenes, but you can't really say, "hey I decided we need a scene here that didn't exist before" without causing huge problems. Because of how contracts work, any significant scene changes would have to be sent back to Kloves who would have to write alternate scenes and/or dialogue, and even then if you wanted to fix a specific character's arc - like Snape's - you would have to add in so much that it just wouldn't be feasible. Screenplay lengths have to fall within a certain number of pages, because each page is approximately a minute of screen time, so adding a few more to a finished script mid-production is very difficult. The actors have to make the best of what's on the page. Which brings us to Alan Rickman, his choices as an actor, and what informed both him and the character of Snape.

Alan Rickman was a RADA trained actor, so his approach to a character involved a lot of physical work as well as character analysis. As far as I know, he was the only actor to contact JK Rowling directly to ask about his character, because he wanted to make an informed decision about how to play him since Snape was so nuanced and gray. Unlike some of the other actors (like Michael "DIDYAPUTYANAMEINDAGOBLETOFFIYAH" Gambon) Rickman read the books - those that were available when he took on the role, and each as they came out afterwards - and used them to inform his understanding of his character beyond what Kloves wrote (presumably in crayon with all the e's backwards). In interviews and Q&A's it's clear Rickman was fond of the HP books and story, and had a thoughtful process taking on Snape's character. He did not see him as a villain, because, as he's said, he didn't approach characters with that kind of judgment. And while I'm sure the egregious amounts of cash Warner Brothers threw at the actors was inevitably a factor for all of them, several of the ones playing teachers or other adults have said that they took on their role because a child in their life insisted on it, despite them being unfamiliar with the books, whereas Rickman's process was to read Rowling's books in order to decide whether to take the role. Again, he was a RADA trained actor, and thus had a meticulous approach to his work that followed a thoughtful, considered process and a decision based on whether he felt he could embody a character in a way that did them justice/if they were interesting enough to him. By the time he started shooting PS, he also had experience directing a film and was working as a director in theatre as well as still acting, so he understood the process from the perspective of not just an actor, but also as someone behind the camera, someone working with actors both as a peer and director, and someone sitting in an editing room.

We know from his diaries that he became increasingly frustrated with how his own process and expectations clashed with that of the producers on Harry Potter. He wasn't interested in renewing his contract after the first few films (goodness knows how much money they offered him in the end - his wife has said that he never let anyone else pick up a tab in a restaurant and if they argued, he would just say "Harry Potter."). He writes about seeing the films at premieres and being frustrated with how little story and development there is (especially for Snape), which makes me think there are deleted scenes somewhere that haven't been released. At one point he writes about a premiere party where he had internally lost patience with the three Davids (Yates, Heyman, and Barron). It's obvious that there's a discord between the work he wanted to do with Snape's character and what choices the production made:

He describes how, during the filming of the Yule Ball scene in GoF, there was an attempt to get him to dance but he refused because he didn't think Snape would dance:

It was a rare moment of potential for improvisation because, again, the set and cast and timing were already accounted for, and in this case there wasn't even dialogue. The scene where he smacks the boys with the notebook - as far as I know - was scripted. So there's a difference there in how much freedom he had, as an actor, to say no to what he was asked to do. Even in the above diary entry it's clear that, given his way, he felt the character wouldn't even be present in that scene, but he had no choice. This tells me that when he had more freedom to make choices, he did so based on his understanding of Snape as a character and, given that he was an actor who was both very respected (and got away with more than most) and also someone who could get argumentative about his character choices, I think this is the most apt lens to examine his physical work with Snape through.

Knowing that he wasn't interested in continuing the role of Snape after the first couple of films and that he was often frustrated with the lack of characterization and story arc, his physicality in his first scene in CoS (when he reprimands Harry and Ron for flying the car) says a lot. (Caveat that one of the reasons he didn't want to renew his contract was that the shooting schedule restricted his schedule and he wanted work on other projects, but I can't help but wonder if that had been the case had HP provided a more satisfying process.) It's almost certain that he had read all the available books by the time the scene in CoS was filmed, including PoA where Snape becomes apoplectic with rage in a way that, to a child reader, is comical (and intended to be) and to someone analyzing Snape is clearly rooted in triggered trauma.

Alan Rickman knew from the outset that Snape's motivation was his love for Lily, so he would have understood the dynamic between his character and Sirius re: who Snape thought sold Lily out to Voldemort. He would also have understood that Snape's reaction in PoA was more about distress and anxiety, and that this was connected to the promise Snape had made to protect Harry for Lily's sake. This would have therefore informed his portrayal of Snape's anger at Harry in CoS, and it's reasonable to assume that Rickman was trying to walk the line between the way Rowling portrayed Snape in full unhinged rage in PoA, what this tells him about this character when angered, and the connection between the moments in PoA and CoS when it comes to Snape's anxiety over Harry's safety. Unlike the author of a book however, who has full control of how they tell a story, Rickman was an actor in a film - an inevitably collaborative medium which therefore made his portrayal reliant on the decisions of others as well.

Chris Columbus, the HP movies, and feral Snape

PS and CoS were directed by Chris Columbus, the guy who directed both Home Alone and Home Alone II and Mrs. Doubtfire. He was a successful director from the 90s tradition of children's movies whose sensibility was informed by the era's attitude towards children's media: kids wanting to see themselves in narratives, in ways that felt empowering and allowed them to process the confusion of a world run by adults in playful, quasi-cartoonish ways within a 3 act structure where the villains - mean adults - get their comeuppance because it feels fair. One thing that set Harry Potter apart was that the villain was not the mean adult; Snape, the mean adult, is a character kids can hate and project their own experiences onto, but Voldemort is a true villain who represents evil and is vanquished by the hero. Chris Columbus established a tone for the first two films that was no longer apt by PoA, not only because it didn't work for the story, but because that 90s era of children's movies had ended and the culture moved on to more complex narratives (and Columbus has focused more on producing than directing since, because his style doesn't work for audiences anymore).

What's ironic about the way Snape's scene at the start of CoS comes off is that, in the book, there's a great comedic moment that's left out:

This is cut from the film, and instead it's Filch waiting at the top of the marble stairs who catches Ron and Harry being late and delivers them to Snape (I don't know why, the scene in the book is much more dynamic and would have taken up about as much time on screen). Rickman, meanwhile, is using the information he's gotten on who Snape is from the books, and imbuing some of that feral Snape energy into his portrayal of a Snape who is genuinely angry:

(Thank you for making these gifs @smilingformoney , they are truly the gift that keeps on giving.)

The thing is, no matter how much of feral Snape Rickman brought to this, no matter how menacing his performance is, this moment still lives within the dynamics of a Chris Columbus children's film. It gets cut off by Dumbledore's entrance - meant to be a comeuppance for Snape, since Dumbledore (being the voice of wisdom and fairness in this world) prevents him from punishing Harry and Ron (you know what, at least in the books they got detention, but ok). Despite Rickman's performance, Columbus as a director has framed this scene in the same context as the one Kloves cut. The tension is brief, and the focus is on Snape being foiled, because it's what children want to see - a mean adult experiencing consequences. It's down to the editing and soundtrack, choices Columbus made in the editing room. In addition, we don't know how many different ways an actor tries a scene, only what ends up in the final cut of a film. The process of the work done on a set is often much richer and more diverse than what an audience sees in the finished film.

Tbh I think this is also why Snape's feral moments were cut from PoA: it's a darker film, but had to straddle the line between being for both children and tweens and not getting too playful, nor too intense. As much as I want to see feral Snape on screen, it's extremely difficult to make work in a narrative that is about Harry and his friends. It either skews too intense, making the audience uncomfortable because seeing an adult becoming unhinged and in pain is difficult and frightening for most young people, even adults, and would therefore take away from Harry's goals and narrative as well as his changing relationship to Sirius (all of which is already barely supported by Kloves' writing). Alternately, it could also skew too comical and over the top, which takes the audience out of the tension of the film's climactic moments.

If Snape's story had gotten more focus and screen time, an unhinged moment would be better justified because the audience would have been more invested in the character and their arc. PoA sidesteps pretty much all of the most compelling parts of the book, which is the realization that Harry is not only connected to Sirius personally, but that his dad, Sirius, Lupin, and Pettigrew created the Marauders Map, that they were animagi, that Harry's patronus takes the form of his father's stag, and that Snape was initimately connected to all of them as well. For me, reading the end of PoA was what cemented Snape as someone who would be crucial to the narrative and whose role would increase as the series went on. As a result of Kloves skimming over these essential plot twists, Snape is a minor character in the film, showing up mostly as a foil who tries to expose Lupin and then catches him and Black in the Shrieking Shack (this also sets his character up to be minimized in every film down the line, which has a worsening impact as Snape becomes increasingly integral to the plot).

One thing I find interesting is that Snape's comical physicality changes over the films. In PS and CoS he's menacing, a looming, larger than life figure the children fear and easily assume to be a full-fledged villain. By GoF there's a relationship embedded in how he interacts with Harry and his friends. He's no longer terrifying, just intimidating, more of an adult Harry challenges than someone he must defeat. The comedic effect now comes from a rapport within an established dynamic between characters. By HBP, the only comical moment is at Slughorn's party, and it's no longer Rickman who uses physicality - the action happens around him, and the comedic effect is in his lack of reaction to any of it. In other words, he's no longer the comic one, he's become the straight man in a (badly written) comedy sketch (with abysmal timing, what even).

Ultimately, as with most of the characters in the HP films, Snape is undermined by the writing. Rickman was stuck working within the confines he was given. No matter how well he may have understood the character, the limited screen time and character development were always going to stifle how Snape was portrayed on screen. I'm very much pro Let Snape Be Feral but I also don't fault Rickman in how little we saw of that.

How Feral is Snape?

If I'm honest, I feel like the Snapedom has taken the Let Snape Be Feral thing and has started forgetting that he wasn't all-feral-all-the-time. The point of Feral Snape is that it's a heightened state of tension in a character whose trauma is being triggered. Apoplectic Snape wouldn't have an impact at the end of PoA if that was his usual way of being. And, as you so brilliantly showed @said-snape-softly Snape's speech patterns are primarily quiet and controlled, his speech gets softer the more dangerous his mood, and it's only after he reassumes his role as a spy that the description of his speech becomes increasingly volatile (but is still controlled). Feral Snape's definitive aspect is the lack of control shown by a character who usually is so exceptionally capable of self restraint and compartmentalization. So again, while I would have loved to see Feral Snape on screen, I think it's also important to acknowledge that this is not the defining feature of his character and is more about what those moments mean to his arc. Their absence is primarily due to poor writing that didn't create space for them (including what leads up to them), and the direction that didn't carve out any kind of niche for them, not Rickman's choices as an actor.

In fact, Snape as a character is defined by descriptors of his voice more than any other character by far. I have my own theory about why this is, and it has to do with Alan Rickman being inextricably connected with how Snape is written. Chris Columbus said that Alan Rickman was always Snape as far as he was concerned, because when JK Rowling showed him a sketch of Snape she had made, it looked exactly like Rickman. I don't think this is accidental.

Alan Rickman was always intended to be Snape

First, what's important to remember is that before Harry Potter, Alan Rickman was best known in the 90s for playing both villains and sad romantic leads. His signature defining feature was his voice. I think it was Ang Lee who described the casting choice of Greg Wise and Alan Rickman in Sense and Sensibility as wanting Willoughby (Wise) to be dashing and Brandon (Rickman) to be sexy (if this was Emma Thompson and not Ang Lee, my apologies, I can't remember where I read this and can't find the source). This is how Rickman was perceived by audiences up until Harry Potter. And I know a lot of the Snapedom considers him to be sexy as Snape too, but the general audiences of the films don't, so please don't @ me, I'm just setting up a point here.

This is relevant because, as we find out in the end of the books, Rowling wrote Snape's motivations to be rooted in romantic love (I'm very nobly putting aside, for the sake of focusing on Rowling's intentions, my personal interpretation that Snape's feelings for Lily were platonic, please acknowledge how brave I am for this). She pulls a lot from gothic tropes into how he's written, and as much as she's talked about the character having been inspired by a chemistry teacher she disliked, and as much as she's talked about Snape being both morally grey and someone she personally dislikes, she also romanticized him. Between this and what Chris Columbus said about her sketch of him, it's hard for me to ignore that this character, conceived of in the 90s, wasn't written with Alan Rickman in mind from the beginning, especially since Rowling herself has said that she envisioned him in the role. Whether or not he lived up to Rowling's imagination is, frankly, his choice and Rowling's problem.

The story of how Harry Potter was written according to JK Rowling is that it started with the idea coming to her on a train ride in 1990. She completed the PS manuscript in 1995. While everything I'm about to say is absolute conjecture, I can't help but wonder at the connection between these films and the way Snape was written (spoilers ahead, no regrets, these films have been out for over a quarter of a century - forgive my reviews, I can't help myself):

1988: Die Hard comes out. Alan Rickman plays Hans Gruber, a villain who is a genius, composed, controlled, and soft-spoken. (Great film, a classic, the only valid Christmas movie.)

1990: Truly, Madly, Deeply. Rickman plays a man whose wife can't get over his tragic death, nor can his own ghost, who comes back to spend more time with her. No one else can see him, and they can't really share a life anymore. She eventually lets him go as she realizes that his spirit doesn't belong in the mortal world and her own life can't move on as long as she clings to it. (Beautiful film, will break your heart and put it through a shredder.)

1991: Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Rickman is the Sheriff of Nottingham, an unhinged, feral villain who wears all black complete with billowing cape. (Terrible film, disaster of a period piece, Rickman's performance is the only redeeming thing about it. Halfway through its press tour talk shows started booking Rickman instead of the lead, Kevin Costner, because Rickman stole every scene.)

1995: An Awfully Big Adventure. Rickman is an actor who comes back to his hometown to revive his role as Captain Hook in a local theatre production of Peter Pan. In the process he has an affair with a young ginger stagehand who reminds him of his lost love, a vivacious woman named Stella with bright red hair who, as far as he knows, birthed his child - a son - before she died. It turns out the girl he has an affair with is his daughter, which he realizes when he visits her home where she lives in the care of her aunt and uncle - whose name is Vernon - and connects the dots of who this girl's mother was. (He then rides his motorcycle out to the pier, screams "Stella" at the heavens like he's in a revival production of Streetcar Named Desire, trips and hits his head on the edge of the pier and falls into the water, drowning. I can't make this up. Mike Newell directed this. The same guy who directed GoF. As if following in the vein of the 90s movie obsession with incest as the controversial-trope-du-jour wasn't enough. I don't even need to review this, just sum it up.)

1995: Sense and Sensibility. Rickman plays Colonel Brandon, a forlorn, grieving man who lost his first love at a young age and spends most of the film pining for the only other woman he's ever had a romantic interest in. Wears all black, rides a black horse.

Given what a well-known actor Rickman was in the 90s - especially in England - and how connected his characters all seem to be to various aspects of Snape, it's hard not to see a connection. The entire premise of Truly, Madly, Deeply sounds like the inspiration for the Resurrection Stone in Deathly Hallows. The redheaded lost love whose child is left in the care of an Uncle Vernon in An Awfully Big Adventure is difficult to look past. All of these characters either exude menacingly soft-spoken Snape energy, feral Snape energy, or forlorn because of his lost love Snape energy. As a result, I feel like it's almost inevitable that Rickman inspired Snape, especially when you consider how known he was for his voice and how frequently Snape's voice is used to describe him. When Rowling said that she envisioned him in the role, it makes me wonder if she meant during the casting process for the first film, or well before it. I think his previous roles were a contributing factor in how the character was written in the books. After Tim Roth - who was originally cast in the role - had to back out due to scheduling conflicts, she got her way. Authors don't often get to choose who plays their characters, but in this case it worked out as the production thought Rickman was a good fit as well.

I'm done, I promise

So where does this leave things at the end of this horrendously long post? Rickman's choices of how he physicalized Snape - comedic or not - are only part of a larger whole. He was playing a character who was written based on his other roles, and limited by the shortcomings of how Steve Kloves translated that character from Rowling's books into his own screenplays. Whatever Rickman did on set was limited by that writing, by the directors he worked with, and by the choices made in the editing room.

I'm fascinated by the idea that Rickman was playing a character written with him in mind - but not really him, the him who embodied other characters whose echoes show up in Snape. It's difficult enough to contend with an actor playing a character in a screenplay you wrote with them in mind when you're directing your own script, because they'll never be what you imagined in your head. But for that process to get filtered through several directors, a team of producers, another writer who changes your work, and an editor, let alone throughout a decade of films - that's downright wild. The original intention gets lost and reinterpreted like a game of telephone, and I think that a lot of the consistencies between Movie!Snape and Book!Snape are down to Alan Rickman's nuanced and generous nature as an actor. If I'm honest, I'm not convinced that every Snape moment that comes off comical was meant to be so by Rickman. But again, film is such a collaborative medium that his intentions aren't the only ones that matter, ultimately, at least they aren't the only thing that ends up in the final cut.

My take, personally, is that I'm more interested in critical analysis than personal criticism. I respect that everyone has their own vision of a character and fandom is absolutely here for, among other things, having a place to share those thoughts and feelings. But a character is rarely going to appear on screen the same way you see them in your head, and that's not always going to be a fault, even if it's a disappointment to you. It's interesting to hear different people's perceptions, but there isn't that much to discuss there - you can't refute how someone feels, and you can't argue that their truth is what it is, to them. Whereas with critical analysis there's a lot more to talk about and examine, so it's where my own interest is much more invested.

[heavenlyascent]

Besides the mini games, there weren't really aspects of the changes in FF7 Rebirth that upset me too much. I can get over the additions of Tifa being consumed by a Weapon or the Gi being a more integral part of the story because, well, they're more additions than anything else. Unnecessary additions but additions never the less

(actually that's a lie the entire Glenn plot gets to me but only because if it turns out he's Cloud's long lost father, I will flip my absolute shit).

Then I got to Nibelheim and I honestly got so annoyed that I had to stop. That they changed it from a rebuilt town with people pretending nothing ever happened to a town that's being used as a recovery certain for degrading SOLDIERS and the mayor acknowledged that the Nibelheim Incident happened is insane? How could you take out one of the more horrific and pivotal points of the storyline for both Cloud and Tifa? Like sure yes Tifa is enraged that they rebuilt Nibelheim like it never happened but where's the gaslighting, the unsettling uncanniness of a town that is pretend it has been the same for five years, that a mass murder didn't happen?

There's a stark difference between Tifa going into her home and finding another person living in her room and saying she's always been there and her home being used a clinic. The pain and wrath of her coming home and having her trauma and pain being removed. That she's told to her face 'what happened to you, your family, your friends, that didn't happen, you're crazy' because Shrina HAD to hide what Sephiroth did--because if the world found out what he did, it meant they'd have to find out what SHRINA DID.

And Cloud? Cloud who is already mentally fragile, breaking slowly, coming back home and finding physical proof that everything didn't happen the way he remembered? Lies on top of lies that he can't untangle?

What about how Nibelheim is a central part of the main story??? Undeniable proof of Shrina's power that they can go back into a massacred village, destroy any proof that hundreds of people lived and died there, rebuild it, put actors in to those homes, and pretend like nothing ever happened? Does no one on the writing team see how taking that element out of Rebuilt Nibelhiem changes everything.

God, like the original storyline hit so hard for the player. For hours we're being told by Cloud and Tifa about the devastation of what Sephiroth and Shrina did; we see the physical and mental wounds that they carry from that night, we have a flashback we play through so we know exactly how it felt--and then we arrive at Nibehliem and it's fine. It's what one of the effective parts of the original story--a gut punch that takes the air out of everyone on the team and the audience.

AND THEY DELETED IT?

God, what does that take away from Sephiroth's storyline too?? They acknowledged SOMETHING HAPPENED in NIBELHIEM with HIM. THE WHOLE POINT IS TO HIDE EVERYTHING ABOUT SEPHIROTH AND THE JENOVA PROJECT WHY WOULD SHRINA EVER LET SOMEONE ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT HAPPENED???

The more I think about it, the more this change really pisses me off. I can't understand why they thought changing pretend Nibelhiem's story except that maybe they thought it couldn't be done with the way the upgraded technology works now? The world would have to know that something was wrong with Nibelhiem just pretended everything was okay.

Except, again, no one knew about Nibelhiem except for Tifa and Cloud. Nibelhiem is a small, remote village, no one would care if it suddenly disappeared off the map--and for the most part, we never run into anyone who actually acknowledges Nibelhiem except for Tifa and Cloud. It's, again, why returning to pretend Nibelhiem hits so hard--because it puts Tifa and Cloud's already questionable stories into jeopardy. Whose lying now about this? Tifa? Cloud? Both of them? None??? Can we even trust what we've seen in the story so far?

Or Shinra, this constantly looming shadow, so powerful it can rewrite history and memories.

The thing is they could have kept the clinic thing going if they had just kept up the plotpoint of people in the village DENYING what happened during the Nibelhiem Incident. If instead that guy had just said 'I have no idea who you are or what you mean, you never lived here Tifa' it would have worked so well.

It baffles me and kind of destroyed any generosity I had for the Remake. I overlooked a lot of things because, frankly everything so far was par for the course with Nomura. I expected going in to run into Kingdom Hearts level of absurdity, so when the Whisper plotline hit I was like ah, there it is, that's the over complication of an already complex plotline. It was fine, whatever.

But this? I even see metawise why you would remove the element? Doesn't Tifa have more of a reason to be fucking LIVID? Doesn't Cloud lose even more of grasp on reality? Doesn't Sephiroth kinda of more of a point about them being covering him up like the dirty secret he and JENOVA are--in both his birth and his death? Maybe they thought if they did so the Pretend Nibelheim story, they couldn't reasonable have Cloud explore the surrounding areas and do the stupid side quests. In which case, fucking just don't do that. Not every town had to have a goddamn a sidequest. You sacrificed one of the best parts of your story for SIDEQUESTS?!?!?!?

It's personally one of the worst aspect of the Rebirth for me. I haven't hit past it yet so I don't know if it's the worst part, but it sure as hell made me really dislike the game just for that. I can forgive a lot, I can't forgive this, and I won't.

[bonefall]

Does Clear sky dying (getting turned into a full) have any ramifications on Starclan? One of the oldest cats in their ranks just got eaten like a poptart, not to mention he was the war deity

Since this is such a recent event, I can't say for sure what its consequences are. BB adapts canon material and I need to wait and see where ASC is going in the last books.

Remember that TBC's Dark Forest integration was extremely late and we weren't even sure it was Ashfur into a couple books in. There's a pattern in the modern arcs that they save the juiciest bits for last.

If it were up to me though, and we weren't all watching and waiting (on the edge of our seats anticipating) for ASC to end, I know exactly what I'd do here though. I'd make a pretty fucking huge power struggle as several dieties start trying to make mortal heroes to claim the throne of War God.

Kind of like the story of Paris of Troy, where three goddesses offered Paris a different treature so that he would choose them to inherit the golden apple, and then when he chose Aphrodite the other two threw their weight behind destroying Troy.

But we'll see~

[mmmmalo]

this might be a stupid question, sorry in advance. when you perform analysis on a work like homestuck and excavate these levels of, like, racial and social meaning from it, how does it affect your opinion of the work? do you come to like or dislike it more, or have your feelings toward it grown past that over the years into more nebulous things?

i love your blog and your posts, even though i only started homestuck last year and never made it past act 4; when i read your stuff i always learn new things about how one can interact with texts. just got curious about the above after reading your post on caliborn and disability and such. hope you have a good day.

I continue to like the work, in new ways. The feelings evade summary, so here's a few examples:

I lost my initial fervor for classpect ages ago, when it became clear to me that the categories weren't mutually exclusive (depriving the system of majestic power) and that they were not the ultimate key to Homestuck (meaning a new paradigm would be needed to solve the story's remaining mysteries). But I still admire how classpect induces the audience to engage in symbolic reading, proposing this object or that color has an associated abstract significance.

The manifestation system started out just giving me digestible bits of characterization like Egbert being scared of heights, but within a few months it began giving me weirder shit like racist sex dreams. That was difficult to integrate into my impression of what exactly Homestuck was -- for the time, I was satisfied to conclude that Equius was not as much of an anomaly as he was made out to be, and that the comic might be in some measure a commentary on racism. That the racist thoughts seemed to emanate from particular characters, in a game whose modus operandi is making thoughts real, struck me as a distancing maneuver of sufficient strength to rebuff gentle (and not so gentle) suggestions that maybe this all just meant Hussie was racist. Thus when the ARG got posted, instead of joining the outcry against the abundant bigotry I was laser focused on how the alternate-dimension Obama was a surrealist confirmation of racist birther conspiracies. The psychological framing of Sburb had persuaded me to accept the story as a scare quote around "racism" that could be observed at a remove.

I was excited that the manifestation system meant more characterization for Jade, then shocked when it implied she had been raped, then apprehensive of the apparent perpetrator Grandpa's every move, then supremely confused by the revelation that Homestuck's deployment of pejorative tropes meant that all the above had coaxed me into a simulation of satanic panic. Reconciling my sympathy for Jade's suffering with the knowledge that Jake is by some measure an effigy sending out de-fused signals of DANGEROUS HOMOSEXUAL THREATENS THE CHILDREN, it all gives me a headache. The story's ironic scaremongering demands your disengagement, to view the story as artifice, but the suffering of the victim within the bad-faith narrative is nonetheless visceral. Conflicting demands like that make up much of the story for me now: pathos that I once felt and continue to feel, side by side with the need to question the foundations of the sympathy.

It is very rare that anything holds my attention as long as Homestuck has and that in itself is something I'm grateful for. Trying to get a rhetorical foothold on its weird ass games has been my primary motivation for reading new things -- psychoanalytic film criticism, existential philosophy, and academic theorization of assorted bigotries are probably not things I would have delved into were they not connected to the puzzle box. It became my lesson plan for self-study, and it has (slash I have) made me into a better reader in general... or something, idk.

I like the story. That's it for feelings for now

[x-manson-annotated]

X-Manson Annotated Chapter Three - Part 9 - THE ACCUSATION

I'm going to level with you. If you weren't already put off by this story, this section might seal the deal for you. This section deals with Emma Frost being placed at the center of a scandal where she is accused of sexually abusing her students. It's awful, but it is integral to understanding the world of this story. This will be the last section of Chapter 3.

tw for that, and tw for mentions of attempted suicide.

I'd like to know who this "Weedy Looking Man" is. My assumption is it is the X-Manson version of Trevor Fitzroy.

Like i said, this section isn't pretty. I am of the mindset that nothing happened, but this section will bring to the mind of some people the Satanic Panic and Q Anon conspiracy theories popular among the right wing.

Shinobi Shaw, the son of Sebastian Shaw.

*also, Doug and Marie-Ange are insufferably cute.

**Pot's legal in the United States as of 1990.

This feels like an outlandish parody until you realize that conservative media is exactly like that.

"She knew what could happen to teenaged girls" What the fuck does that mean? That feels close to "Well, you saw what she was wearing. She probably wanted it." It's a cryptic, weird thing to say.

This feels like a reflection of something you would see a lot of later in the 2000s. Ultimate Marvel used to do this thing where psychics would read minds and there would be a joke of "Oh, stop thinking about me naked." or "I wasn't thinking about it until you told me not to think about it." Shit like that. This feels like a more realistic take on how that might feel with someone with psychic powers. It isn't some kind of fun jokey thing for them. It's horrifying.

*I'm detecting a reoccurring argument between them with this line from Marie-Ange.

**That's an incredibly strange way to speak about someone, Douglas.

***She's not wrong for thinking that.

But let's focus on the thirteen students who put forward accusations against Emma.

I can't imagine who they might be. Possibly this world's version of the Hellions, sans Marie-Ange?

What were they arrested for?

Holy shit, Disney is not pissing around when it comes to copyright in this universe.

This makes sense about why Xavier kept his class sizes on the smaller end. Easier for him to be more personable and manipulate the students.

I wonder how much of that is coincidental and how much of it was orchestrated by Xavier.

The system failing to work.

She finds it difficult to maintain romantic connections if she doesn't have access to her psi-ablities? Difficulty reading the emotions of others? Autistic Emma Frost?

A full lobotomy with a gun killed her psychic abilities?

It's interesting that there are still mutant education systems in place in public schools.

I have no idea who this man is meant to be.

Also the "Roy Cohn Professor of American History" Roy Cohn? like the lawyer and all-around bastard who adored Joe McCarthy.

The Hinckley Law. This immediately puts me in mind of the attempted assassination of Ronald Reagan by John Hinckley Jr. Reagan was never Presiden in this Au, so is it possible that Hinckley attempted to assassinate him when he was running for Governer of California?

Furthermore...Did Ronald Reagan destroy Hinckley's personality?

You can tell this is fantasy because the American Left is presenting a unified front against Conservatism.

Mary Jo Kopechne was a mutant with gills!

The pear-shaped man is Sebastian Shaw. This feels like an accurate way to describe the man.

I feel like the molestations stopped around when Emma took over the school. Good god.

Sebastian, his nose heavy with clotted phlegm and coke: how can any red-blooded American man learn in the company of disgusting WHEMEN!

This feels like something from the McMartin Pre-School Scandal where kids were essentially coerced by law enforcement into making up bigger and bigger lies about satanic ritual abuse.

Example Below from the McMartin Preschool Trial's wikipedia page:

Some of the abuse was alleged to have occurred in secret tunnels beneath the school. Several excavations turned up evidence of old buildings on the site and other debris from before the school was built, but no evidence of any secret chambers or tunnels was found. There were claims of orgies at car washes and airports, and of children being flushed down toilets to secret rooms where they would be abused, then cleaned up and presented back to their parents.

The Cuban cigar angle feels like a nod to the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal.

*This reads like a modern day Trumper losing his shit.

**If you cared about your family's "Good Name" you wouldn't have named your son "Shinobi" you insufferable goddamn weeaboo.

Sebastian: the rich of america are entitled to live as kings! We are not unlike gods!

The mad philosopher Scalia. Is Antonin Scalia a supervillain in this universe?

*Again, you can tell this is a fantasy because we have the misfortune of having had Scalia on the Supreme Court.

Insane.

"That he knew of". I want to know more about what kind of Anti-Psi protection exists in this world.

All this kind of bums me out. I mean, i guess i'm happy about an au where Doug's doing kind of alright after a tragedy. But him becoming this big tech bro kind of sucks to me.

It's kind of cool that he turned Apple into a co-op. I guess.

[authorchu]

Tutoring Sessions

A/N: My last Hermione Granger piece made me want to re-watch all of the movies. Since I don't really have time for that, I decided to write a fluffy story! This one made my heart tingle. Enjoy :)

As you sat in your chair, pretending to study while sneaking glances at Hermione Granger, you couldn't help but feel butterflies in your stomach. You had purposely been underperforming in your classes so that you would be assigned a tutor, and the idea of spending one-on-one time with Hermione had been the driving force behind this scheme.

But as you quickly learned, Hermione was a strict tutor. She kept things strictly professional, shooting down any attempts you made to steer the conversation in a more personal direction.

After a few sessions of this, you couldn't take it anymore. You stopped going to the tutoring lessons altogether, preferring to nurse your broken heart in the privacy of your dorm room.

One day, as you were walking out of class, Hermione approached you.

"Hey, can we talk for a minute?" she asked, her eyes fixed on yours.

You nodded nervously, wondering what she could possibly want to say to you.

"I know you've stopped coming to our tutoring sessions," she said, her voice gentle but firm. "And I just wanted to check in and make sure everything is okay."

You felt a lump form in your throat. Here was Hermione, the girl you had been crushing on for months, showing genuine concern for you. It was almost too much to bear.

"I'm fine," you managed to choke out. "I just...I thought you didn't want to be around me anymore."

Hermione's expression softened. "That couldn't be further from the truth," she said. "I actually really enjoyed our tutoring sessions. You're a quick learner, and you have a great sense of humor."

You felt your heart leap at her words. Could it be that Hermione felt the same way about you?

"But I have to be honest with you," Hermione continued. "When you kept trying to make things more personal, I got a little uncomfortable. I didn't want to lead you on or give you the wrong impression."

Your heart sank. You had been so sure that Hermione was the one for you, but it seemed that you had misread the signals.

"I understand," you said quietly, your voice barely above a whisper.

Hermione took a step closer to you, her hand reaching out to gently touch your arm.

"But that doesn't mean we can't still be friends," she said, her brown eyes sparkling with warmth. "I think you're an amazing person, and I would love to get to know you better. As friends."

You looked up at her, your heart pounding in your chest. Maybe things hadn't turned out exactly how you had hoped, but the idea of being friends with Hermione was almost as thrilling as the idea of dating her.

"Okay," you said, your voice stronger this time. "I would like that."

As you started spending more time with Hermione, your crush on her didn't diminish, but it did begin to shift. You found that you enjoyed spending time with her, regardless of the fact that you weren't dating. You loved how passionate she was about learning, and how fiercely she fought for what she believed in.

Hermione, for her part, seemed to enjoy your company just as much. She started seeking you out during meals and study breaks, and even invited you to come to some of the meetings of her various clubs and organizations.

Before you knew it, you had become an integral part of Hermione's social circle. You spent most of your time with her, and the two of you had started to develop a shorthand with each other that was almost telepathic.

Despite the fact that you were no longer actively trying to pursue Hermione, you couldn't help but notice that your feelings for her were deepening. You loved the way she smiled when she was excited about something, and the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she laughed.

One day, while the two of you were sitting in the library, studying for your upcoming exams, Hermione looked up from her textbook and caught your eye.

"What?" you asked, feeling a little self-conscious under her gaze.

Hermione shook her head, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Nothing," she said. "I just think you're really stunning."

Your heart skipped a beat. Had Hermione just...?

Before you could say anything, Hermione cleared her throat and went back to her textbook. You sat there, shocked, not quite sure what to do with the flood of emotions that were swirling inside of you.

Over the next few weeks, you couldn't stop thinking about what Hermione had said. Had she meant it as a compliment, or was there something more behind it? You tried to play it cool, but you couldn't help but feel your heart race every time you caught a glimpse of her.

Then, one night, while the two of you were walking back to your dorm after a late-night study session, Hermione took your hand in hers. The gesture was so natural, so comfortable, that it took you a few moments to realize what was happening.

You looked over at her, and she met your gaze with a soft smile.

"I really like spending time with you," she said. "You're one of my closest friends, and I don't know what I would do without you."

Your heart swelled with warmth at her words. You had never felt so seen, so understood, by anyone before.

As the two of you walked back to your dorm, hand in hand, you knew that something had shifted between you and Hermione. Maybe you weren't dating, but you were something else, something deeper and more meaningful than you had ever imagined. And for the first time in a long time, you felt truly happy.

Over the next few weeks, you and Hermione continued to grow closer. You spent all your free time together, exploring the Hogwarts grounds, studying together in the library, and sometimes just sitting in comfortable silence, enjoying each other's company.

It was like you were in your own little world, separate from the stresses and pressures of school and life. You felt like you could talk to Hermione about anything, and she always listened with an open heart and mind.

As the end of the school year drew near, you couldn't help but feel a sense of sadness. You didn't want to leave Hermione behind and go back to your regular life. You didn't want to lose this connection that the two of you had forged.

One day, as the two of you were lying in the grass outside the castle, enjoying the warm spring sun, you turned to Hermione.

"Hey," you said. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Hermione said, turning to face you.

"Do you ever think about what would happen if we weren't friends anymore?" you asked. "Like, if we lost touch after we graduate?"

Hermione looked thoughtful for a moment. "I don't like to think about it," she said finally. "But I do know that no matter what happens, I'll always cherish the time we spent together."

You felt a lump form in your throat. You wanted to tell Hermione how much she meant to you, but the words caught in your throat.

As if sensing your hesitation, Hermione reached out and took your hand in hers. "Hey," she said softly. "I don't want to lose you either. You're one of the most important people in my life, and I'll always be here for you."

Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes as you looked at her. You didn't know how you had gotten so lucky to have someone like Hermione in your life.

Without thinking, you leaned in and kissed her. The kiss was soft and sweet, but it felt like fireworks were going off inside of you. You had never felt more alive, more in love.

When you finally pulled away, Hermione looked at you with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry," you said quickly. "I shouldn't have done that. I just-"

But Hermione cut you off with a kiss of her own. This one was deeper, more passionate, and you melted into her embrace.

"I love you," she said when the kiss finally ended. "I think I have for a while now."

You felt tears roll down your cheeks as you hugged her tightly. This was everything you had ever wanted, and more. With Hermione by your side, you knew that anything was possible.