#and they made me reschedule
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Anyway haha I think I was dealing with flashbacks when I had to deal with my drunk cousin (who I didn't realise was drunk because she was sneaking and stealing my dad's wine yesterday) and those flashbacks were of my uncle and grandad and I think I've been dealing with them for years now especially whenever I see other people drinking.
#damn i didnt think i would have much to tell my therapist in 2 weeks#but dealing with my alcoholic cousin by myself on a random sunday unprepared was a lot#idk like. i think theyre flashbacks#sometimes when seeing alcohol or talking about drinking#all im thinking about are my family members who were alcoholics right up until they died#and how dad and i had to deal with them#but in particular when grandad would have falls#and i couldnt help him because he was like a foot taller than me#and how he would refuse any outside help#and im vaguely brought there and the feeling of dread and hopelessness comes flooding back#and idk i just realised that it was a similar feeling to that flashback i had when i just missed my appointment#and they made me reschedule#for something that was out of my control#idk idk it just feels on the edge of too vivid to just be a memory#personal#health tag#family shit#so yeah that was my Sunday! i proceeded to just play games today#and now my brain won't shut up so#tw alcohol#tw alcoholism
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toot toot!
#breaking my streak of dramatic af captions bc look at this. look at it. wtf was i supposed to call it. he's tootin whaddya want from me#he go TOOT TOOT on his lil trumpet i fuckgjn LOVE HIM im maxing this card im serious#lvl 60 10/10 no expense is too much for my precious boy#i found a new brush that has this rly soft charcoal vibe and i used it on this whole thing and it was SEXY it was HEAVEN#it was fun for coloring too!!! and the outfit colors are fun to color OUGHH everything made just for me <3 feeling SILLY#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#his bunny outfit sweeps like im sorry but its the best card of the event and its not even fucking close#suntails#i did one 10-pull bc i wanted the paint bonus from epel's card even tho i HATE that card#and i instead got SUPER lucky and got deuce and NO epel!!! i couldnt be fucking happier#then my job interview today never called and i was miserable again but it was an internal issue and im now rescheduled for next week#so please dear god pls guys pray i get this job. i want it sooooo bad
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Happy Birthday, Beanie! :D
I designed her on this day one year ago :3
Fun fact: this is technically how Beanie’s fourth bootday went down. She finally got to try whatever awful concoction drones whip up to make cake that day!
Additional fact: originally had this one scheduled to post since my own birthday... which was apparently 230 days ago, but i meant in months. which in that case would be seven.
#ghost drone au#murder drones n#beanie doorman#murder drones oc#nuzi fankid#i made her this day one year ago#huzzah hurray happy day :D#originally set to post at 1:48 PM in my timezone#that was the time i scheduled it at#but ultimately decided to post it a bit earlier#zeisty’s goofs#zeisty’s comic stuff#THE ''EARLIER'' COMMENT IS FUNNY BECAUSE IT TOOK ME TWO HOURS TO FIND THIS IN MY DRAFTS#AND IT IS DECIDEDLY NOT EARLIER. in fact i dare say it's much later than that#but i decided i would leave the original tags to any post in my drafts i came across if they were there. and since it is there#i will leave it be. but you must understand i tried to schedule it for 12#but i'd decided last night to edit the caption to tell you how long ago my birthday would be... but it wouldn't let me reschedule it#so i saved it to my drafts instead. then passed out ig#in any case the search is over!!! i found the post i was looking for
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Hey how’d your date go? What’d you end up wearing?
-🧎
aww thank you for asking!!
Here's the look <3
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MEN DNI
#At the advice of my friend who told me to wear quote a slutty top and fun pants which is silly bc I'm more a big sweater tiny skirt girl#This was pre hair and makeup dw#The date was nice v chill she bought me a couple drinks and I stayed the night at hers a little makeout cuddle times#We did have a cute makeout ses in the bar when we deciding to get more drinks and she did the Knee Thing and I was like oop time to go now!#asks#love letters only#💌 asks#That was sweet of you to ask!! How are you doing sweetheart??#🧎anon#omg forgot to tell u guys I got her number irl on public transportation like one stop before she got off it was v meet cute!#So I knew nothing about her v cute and fun I'm not an Apps girl#But the train was so full she offered to let me sit next to her which I declined but I was smiling at her and she made small talk!#And we had to reschedule a bunch so I thought she would give up but she was really trying!
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it should be illegal for job applications/interviewers to ghost you
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Bad news gang :( This Freeman Friday is turning into a Cicero Saturday, and not in the fun double update way, but in the slow update way. I wanted to wrap up things tonight but the vibes are really bad for me rn (my therapy has been reschedule for the 4TH time in a row chat I am NOT doing all that great tbh) and tomorrow I will quite literally be busy all day. 6am to 10pm there is not a speck of time I will be able to slip away to write or anything, so uhh jumpscare I actually have things I do outside of fanfiction, crazy right?
TLDR; Update will be a day late for the sake of my mental health and busy schedule.
#posts made by rae#posts made by bees#update#technically i guess#its not even just that it keeps getting rescheduled thats the issue#i have this one very weird very bad trigger#its a show#a VERY popular one unfortunately for me#and i have been seeing it ALL week and will probably keep seeing it for the foreseeable future#worse is that people also keep talking about it near me#im able to shut it down if the conversation is one im part of but like#im not gonna do that to a conversation im NOT a part of#sorry for like#trauma dumping vaguely in the tags or whatevr#the “im mentally ill” jokes are not really jokes chat surprise 💀#im not at risk of anything besides a breakdown dont worry#famous last words tbh ^
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Maybe I should go for a swim this morning 🌊✨️ Get to a remote spot at the lake so I can even do it in my birthday costume
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AND AS IT TURNED OUT, THE THINGS THAT WERE ALONGSIDE ME FROM THE START, REMAINED THERE FOR ME ALONG THE WAY. [inspired by my stuffed rabbit, violet. also inspired by the sunrise of a new day. and inspired by this crazy cool album art]
#luckys original content#IDK WHAT CAME OVER ME HONESTLY..#i smoked a new weed and got hit with Random Potion Effect: NEW ARTSTYLE#and this beast spawned in i guess. the idea is that the head and arm are replaced by something else#something more free. the rest of the form is slime. bc i wish i was made of slime. the sword matches the green plant life#my momma really loves peacocks and all the colors that come with them. i really love my momma.#all the little doodles are just coagulated feelings. i like painting my thoughts in abstract little ways. this was a fun challenge.#i love just drawin whatever the fuck... makes my soul feel better#i have a job interview tomorrow and im NERVOUS bc ive been trying to jam my foot into the door for like a month#someone on the inside has been trying to help me aboard but UUUGHHHH its still been a swan chase of reschedules#wish me luck lads im going in
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cracking my knuckles rn and gearing up to send a “per my last email” email to this girlie who thought it would be cute to throw me under the bus today
#cat fight in the corporate world today#aka someone ignored my last 2 emails and then made a big stink about a meeting that was rescheduled#‘no one told me’#oh 🙂#forwards email i originally sent …..#sighs#just ranting for a min before i send this out#then i will be back in my good lil mood#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims
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#brought to you by i really thought i was evolved enough to do that but ive made up excuses to reschedule twice because it's just TOO WEIRD#this time i said “how bout a call” which i think would be way better#just going for coffee with this dude makes me feel so bizarre can't do it CAN'T#my shit
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tom giles (elrond), aoife o'dea (arwen), john o'mahony (bilbo), louis maskell (frodo), aaron sidwell (aragorn) & ensemble
#lotr musical#lotr#posting this from last week since today's show was cancelled :(( hope everyone who's sick recovers quickly!#also when the box office staff called to reschedule earlier they were like 'you've been already haven't you'. dying. don't perceive that#love this song. it builds so nicely. arwen's And May You Come Safe Home made me tear up in the theatre#gay belligerence
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So jealous you love in la i bet the show was so good😭 also love that orville wears his mask everywhere lmao
It definitely has its pros and cons but living in a city where pretty much every artist performs is definitely at the top of the pro list! And it’s kinda funny when T&K reference local things like this that I just so happened to be at too lol
Honestly it was such a good show 😭 I love Tina& Amy so much and have been fans of them for forever so it was everything I expected and more. I know they’re touring through next year and hopefully they keep adding more cities so you can see them too!
Also, seeing Orville irl was so funny because the hat and mask are his disguises but it actually just makes him stand out more so the whole YouTube theater saw him come in. He also sat down like right before the show started and everyone else was already seated so there was a hush over the crowd as everyone watched him. Idk I laughed. Also also my friend was seated a few rows behind him and he blocked the view with his giant cowboy hat so she took a picture and since I was seated a few rows in front you can see the back of my head… and that’s how I technically have a picture with Orville Peck lmao
#sorry that was long#more story time from me lol#I was at both T&K live shows in LA last year and I was going to do a write up about it because they made some changes but never did whoops#so I guess I kinda did just now?#I was also supposed to go to both LA&SD pods so if I can make the rescheduled dates I’ll for sure post about those#since they’re still not recording most of them#I actually emailed the production company to find out which pods they would be recording#they said they couldn’t share but that a big factor was not all theaters will allow them to record#so that’s more of a reason why than them just wanting to pretend to save stories lol#which they can never remember anyways so it doesn’t really matter!#so yeah NOLA was recorded and Houston/Minneapolis/Montreal weren’t literally because of theater viewing rights#which you would think they could just plan for beforehand?#but I also believe that they do want to make some of the shows special and unique and not recording takes the pressure off#to have new stories every time#also the reactions to the live pod really vary and now I think they should save them too#it’s funner to see them irl and have it live it the moment anyways#okay I swear I’m done now
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i know exactly what it means that i was more upset about my tattoo artist ghosting me than my counselor ghosting me, but also no I don't it means nothing. pay no attention to the man behind the curtain (repression)
#anyway that is how my Journey To Find Some Fucking Therapy is going this week#counselor cancelled our session last week#told me to provide my availability to reschedule#i did so#she has not responded. so.#the universe is testing meeeeeee#what if i simply quit. that would probably be fine#i've made it this far on my own
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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
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okay guys i think it went well but also i don’t think it went well and AHHHHHH
#i mean one of the interviewer was smiling and asked me more things after saying that that was the last question but then the other one didnt#feel more conversational but he did nod a loooot so#kmsing postponed or rescheduled? idk let’s find out#like i made bullshit up about functionalism that didn’t even make sense but then they seemed to understand what i was spewing??? but then i#made a reallllly good point about a job experience that i had and they were like nodding deeply#mehak.exe
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I have plans with a friend today that I am not physically up for but the cost of canceling with this friend is so high that I’m thinking of going.
#And I have made it awkward by agreeing and rescheduling once already#anyway it’s tough. can you say a Hail Mary for me?#also would appreciate any advice#Edit: I canceled!#she will survive
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