#its not even just that it keeps getting rescheduled thats the issue

[thatonefreemanversefic]

Bad news gang :( This Freeman Friday is turning into a Cicero Saturday, and not in the fun double update way, but in the slow update way. I wanted to wrap up things tonight but the vibes are really bad for me rn (my therapy has been reschedule for the 4TH time in a row chat I am NOT doing all that great tbh) and tomorrow I will quite literally be busy all day. 6am to 10pm there is not a speck of time I will be able to slip away to write or anything, so uhh jumpscare I actually have things I do outside of fanfiction, crazy right?

TLDR; Update will be a day late for the sake of my mental health and busy schedule.

[stupidnaturals]

.

[scummy-writes]

I'm going to make this a separate post itself so its not one honkin huge thing attached to the poll when I reblog it.

Regarding Vic's health primarily (he's mainly okay from what we know atm) and comm money in general

I referenced this but cavaliers can have a lot of neurological issues. Apparently this stems from their skulls being too small for their brains often?

I took him to the vet on 10/19 because he was having an issue with what I thought was his ear. What has been happening, since the day I got him back in june, is that he would occasionally scratch at his left ear and start yelping a lot. The place i got him at checked it and said he was fine, the vet I took him to just a couple of days after also checked it and said he was fine. They said that it was likely an anxious thing, so it was dismissed.

And to be blunt, for a while, he only had that yelping scratch occasionally. But within the past monthish it started getting more frequent. And then when it hit too often (4-7 times a week), I called the vet after the first long run of it happening persistently and got an appt a week later. I got worried he had an ear infection even though he was showing no actual signs of an infection of any sort.

And they did the full gambit of an exam, even cleaned his ears, and verified again: no ear infection. No seeming issue with the ear itself. But, she explained she noticed he had a weird gait, which she later called a hypermetric gait, and said shes very worried he has ataxia and/or some issue with his cerebellum. She immediately worked on a referral and told me the neurologist is likely going to want an MRI and to expect it, and that I needed to get him checked out Soon as she was worried the ear thing would get worse. Which. When I explained again how often it was occurring, she seemed more concerned and ran to get pain meds for Vic.

Neurologist was closed friday, so I spent the whole weekend googling what I could. Ataxia is not a illness, but its a symptom. I have no idea of what, and thats what I gotta get checked out. Googling it was uhhhhh. Not fun. Google scared me with talking about how bad cases of conditions that ataxia is connected to usually require the pet to be put down.

Looking on reddit made me feel a bit better. Specifically cavalier talk reddit. Sometimes this thing leads to surgery, but it also seems very likely that (in a good case scenario), Vic may just have a life of pain management. Hopefully minimal pain!!!!

The neurologist called me today and scheduled an appt for nov 2nd. Apparently its an exam and, if needed, MRI same day. Exam is $180 (wheeze), and an MRI can be anywhere between 3k-4k (wheezes louder).

As long as talks with bank go well, if they push for an MRI, I'm going to do it. Even if the diagnosis is that Vic is just a silly lil dude with anxiety, it'll be worth it, you know? For the peace of mind, to know there isn't anything scary with his noggin.

The MRI can be rescheduled, so that will be my next option if bank talk does not go well, but. Thats the info I got. Please keep in mind what the vet said verses what I googled, as google is not a vet.

When it comes to commissions, the funds will likely not go to this. This is why:

Every time I get paychecks, I look on my Bill Schedule and deduct all the stuff that will be coming out that paycheck and work with whatever is leftover. Usually thats not a crazy amount left. If I succeed with regular comms, the money would be going towards any bills I may be struggling with that paycheck/month, or small things to help like. Yaknow. Live outside of bills. Like money towards a cheap haircut. Some energy drinks that week. Getting a couple of extra things when grocery shopping instead of what I count as absolutely needed only.

I wanna be transparent, so I am. It'd likely go towards treats for me to make living not unbearable. That is that. It wouodnt be going towards Me commissioning others, though I will be transparent Still and state I did pay for a small comm before vet visit and so if yall see that, that was smth i paid for already.

[hailieshapedbox]

my younger cousin has a lot of mental health issues and its really affecting everyone in the house n we dont know how to help him help himself/: its a bit tormenting on everyone. ive tried to help a lot but i had to stop bc it was affecting my mental health and he started be really mean, now i see why everyone has to minimize how much they can help and be around. i just gotta vent real quick though bc i cant take this sometimes. my uncle missed his psych appointment with his main dr. twice and had me reschedule it bc his assistants that fuck everything up, had it all fucked up. i made my uncle buy a whiteboard to keep track of all his shit bc i have enough projects for myself, i texted him multiple times throughout the week about the appointment and helped with other reminders on top of other things for his business (and his friends jewelry start up). i texted him the day before and the day before that about the appointment, i put a post it note on the coffee maker that his friend just let fall aside and got coffee all over (but still it was right on the counter), and he still woke me up to ask me what time it was at and even had the nerve to tell me to get ready in an hour to “help get him going and get him over there”. bruh i went back to sleep, i was up for 2 hours tryna sleep laying there like a dead fish or whatever they say n barely got a couple hours. ive told him so many times ive been dealing with insomnia and he just thinks everyone has trouble sleeping and doesnt understand n ive told him im underweight and how i have no energy and its like nobody ever hears me when i ask for help. hes woken me up probably 10x now n i started hurting myself tbh bc my peace was being too intruded. i got handle and control of that though, i dont wanna hurt myself you know. but only coping method that ever helped. whatever when i got up i did knock on my cousins door n ask if he heard his dad and i texted him bc he didnt say anything. i went to go work out. when my uncle got home he saw me working out and tried to get me to go with and ik its only bc he wants me to sit in the office so he can nap in the car. i even made a joke about it and he agreed laughing and went to go take a nap. instead of going to tmobile to get this kid a new sim card that hes been needing and begging for for going on two months. lmao bruh i try

this was just one morning i could write books of diary entries accumulating my emotions but i dont have time for that tbh im procrastinating n finally writing out bc i just want this week to be over i want it to be monday i want it to be next month when my brothers getting here and my mom comes over and imma make ed come back in town.

idk if yall noticed but until valentines day, i hadnt posted anything the entire month of february. took this long being single to realize valentines day is my favorite holiday and i couldnt missy opportunity to share my heart. i even posted on iG for the first time in like a year. i love love, its all i am, its all i need.

ive had so many post ideas too, but everyone is asking so much of me. its crazy because a few months ago i fucking begged the universe for more responsibility and god damn did i get it, im really trying hard to manage and stay aligned any way i can. im getting close to getting really good. im tryna get there so soon bc i see it through so clear but i just cant. even stopped drinking and cut back on weed a bit bc i just dont have time for it.

i had a whole other thing to rant about and i could have so many others, does kinda help to vent it especially writing. i forgot what it was once i started writing about valentines day and happier things. its funny how easy it is to flow into different emotions, yet so hard to control that and discipline that. even when i then after put myself into my happiest spaces, just doesnt always work. thats why when i see the opportunity for happiness i take it and thats why i dont get stuck on things easy, i hate stagnacity (wrote a song about that the other day). not easily influenced, but easily inspired. music actually usually does it. well imma go see if it still smells like campfire in the shower n do that or something else productive n try to make the most of whats left of the day. fuck i usually post this kinda stuff in the middle of the night so not to many people see it, i try not to be a bother or negative. love you all always

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Rose Coloured Glasses - Part 8

A/N- Im sorry if this is bad! 😂

*Contains Defending Jacob spoilers*

When i finally got home later that day i ordered a pizza and decided to take a quick shower while i waited, knowing they usually take a good 45 minutes this time of night. Walking out of the bathroom 10 minutes later wrapped in a fluffy purple towel i passed the window in the hallway and spotted Andy sitting outside in his car. I walked to the bedroom and picked up my phone from the bedside cabinet and hit his number.

As it rang i walked over to the window and watched him staring at the phone in his hand for a few moments before answering.

"Hey" he finally answered.

"Hey, everything okay?"

"Yeah of course! Why wouldnt it be?"

"Well the fact your sitting outside my house....."

"Shit, sorry! I wasn't being weird i swear! Its just.....i should just go" he sighed shaking his head.

"You wanna come in for a minute?"

"I dont wanna interupt...."

"Your not its fine, let me just come down real quick and open the door....wait for me in the kitchen" i told him making my way downstairs.

"....okay" he finally agreed, I ended the call and quickly unlocked the door pulling it open just a crack before running back upstairs to get dressed.  I tossed my phone on the bed and grabbed my sleep shorts and an oversized t-shirt. After towel drying my hair real quick i tied it up out the way and made my way down to see Andy.

When i walked into the kitchen Andy looked up and smiled at me, he was sat at my small kitchen table, his coat and suit jacket discarded on the empty chair beside him.

"Im sorry to just show up like this Y/N" he said shaking his head.

"Its fine don't worry about it"

"I don't even know how i ended up here....."

"Another shitty day?"

"Yeah" he scoffed "the kids aint talking, none of them knew anything. Most of them where more interested in the fact that i was Jacob Barbers dad"

"So no leads?"

"No. But Duffy found out there's a guy who lives near the park, Leonard Patz. Done for Indecent AB on a minor"

"Why didnt you know about him before?"

"Duff said he only moved to Newton in the last year. Never registered. One of the ADA's in the child abuse unit flagged him"

"What exactly did Patz do to this kid?"

"Grabbed the kids package at the public library, got out on a personal"

"He groped a kid and got out on a personal?" I asked wide eyed at the idea of this man walking free around town.

"Apparently there was some question about the kids testimony. Duffy also said we gotta keep in mind the Rifkin kid had no signs of sexual assault"

"But its something for you to look into, right? If your getting nowhere with the kids at school it makes sense that Patz is the next point of call"

"I just, i have to be careful how i play this one.... i told Duffy i needed to sleep on it. My heads all over the place"

"You want a coffee? Or i have beer?"

"I'll take a beer please" he gave me a tired smile.

I grabbed a couple beers and we went to sit in the living room, he sat on the sofa and let his head fall back with a contented sigh as he closed his eyes.

"Thank you for this Y/N, i always feel like i can relax with you. Everyones always expecting things from me you know? But you.... you just let me be myself"

"And your not yourself at home?"

"Not at all, not for a long time anyway" he replied lifting his head to take a mouthful of his beer "Laurie and I were talking about divorce before all this happened"

"Oh...." i was genuinely surprised to hear that and didn't know how to react to this new information!

"Im okay about it though, is that bad?"

"No, people get divorced all the time Andy"

"I know. Its kinda scary though, i've been with Laurie since college.... i think we got too comfortable.... we lost that spark"

"And theres no getting it back?"

"Im pretty sure that boat has sailed" he chuckled to himself "i will aways love her don't get me wrong im just...."

"Not IN love with her?"

"Yeah" he nodded looking a little sad that his marriage hadn't worked out "You ever been in love?" Andy asked cocking his head to the side and watching me closely.

"Me?.... um, yeah once" i nodded as i picked at the label on my beer bottle "college boyfriend, he was everything to me.... kinda sad looking back at it"

"What happened?"

"I caught him in bed with my best friend"

"Shit"

"Yeah, i cut all contact with the both of them after that. You wanna know the kicker? ...their still together with their second kid on the way"

"Im sorry to hear that"

"It happens" i shrugged "i haven't been in a relationship since. Guess i have some trust issues"

"And you and Frank?...."

"Me and Frank, right" i shook my head getting up from the sofa "i need another beer before talking about Frank, you want another?"

"Sure".

I sat on the opposite end of the sofa facing Andy when i returned with fresh beers.

"So whats the deal with Frank?" He asked but averted his eyes while he mentioned the other man in my life.

"We spent some time together" i shrugged feeling like an idiot for thinking i could do the whole casual/non exclusive thing.

"And your not anymore?"

"At the moment i don't think so"

"What happened if you don't mind me asking?"

"I was supposed to be meeting his friends yesterday but i told him i had to reschedule. With everything going on i wasn't feeling it you know? This morning when i was getting coffee i saw him with some blonde....we want different things i guess. I mean you warned me what Frank was like right?.... i thought i could do the casual thing.... turns out i'm not a fan so much"

"The guys an idiot.....Im sorry" Andy said keeping his eyes down on his beer bottle casually raising his eyebrows.

"No your not" i laughed shaking my head at him, it was written all over his face that he was pleased to hear this news.

"Your right i'm not" he finally looked up at me "your too good for him".

"Andy..."

"Im serious. You're something else....." he took a deep breath putting his now empty beer bottle on the table then turned to face me "i have to tell you something.... its been eating away at me for a while now"

"What is it?" I asked him putting my beer down and giving him my full attention.

"I remember what happened in Vermont.... the things i said... the kiss"

I was not expecting that!

"Oh...."

"Im sorry, i just didn't want things to get weird between us. I didn't want to loose you"

"Andy.... i..."

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about that kiss in the elevator Y/N. I cant stop thinking about how much i still wanna kiss you every damn time i see you!"

"We can't...."

"We can! Its okay to want this" he reached across and took my hand rubbing circles on the back of my hand "tell me you don't want it too and i'll leave right now and we can forget this happened".

I sat there staring at him shaking my head "i cant tell you that...".

Before i knew it Andy was pulling me into his lap and kissing me breathless. His hands slipping under my t-shirt caressing my back. My heart was racing as we finally parted for air, i placed my hands on either side of his face, my thumbs stroking his cheeks that were flushed as we tried to catch our breath.

The moment was interrupted by knocking at the door.

"Leave it" he mumbled leaning forward and kissing me again. I pushed him back and laughed before climbing off his lap "thats my takeout! Im not just gonna leave it, i'll be back in two seconds".

I grabbed my purse from the table and headed to the front, i opened the door with a smile.... a smile that fell when i saw Frank standing there instead of the delivery man!

"Frank....."

"Hey sweetheart".

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit

Rose Coloured Glasses taglist: @readermia @princess-evans-addict @jennmurawski13 @matsumama @ex-bloodjunkie @kaithezaftig @rainbowkisses31

[haemosexuality]

cw for me being extremely not okay and personal like idk dont read this pls i just need to say it somewhere im just posting this bc if I actually say it somewhere instead of just thinking it to myself its better to keep doing it but, I'm toxic. I'm a toxic friend. Not intentionally but I can't deny my (unexisting) mental health makes me toxic and stressful and annoying and a bad friend in general. I could really just spend hours listing toxic behavior. If im in the wrong I cant deal with it, if the other person is in the wrong I cant deal with it, vene if everything is perfectly fine and theres no conflict happening at all I still cant help being extremely tiring and too much to deal with so im just going to isolate myself. Is not like I have a lot of friends irl, literally just one so its not gonna be hard anyway. Ive been just so much lately shell prob just assume im mad at her and agree with people that say im garbage so like, yeah. I just hope I can actually stop talking to her for real isntead of spending one month not talking to her and then coming back and amking everything worse bc thats all i always do tbh, since always, ive never been fine mentally and ive never not been absolutely toxic to every single one of my friends simply bc im too fucked up itd be so simble if shed just fucking realized that already or made she already has but doesnt wanna leave me bc she knows i have abandonment issues and itd compleyely fuck me up and shes always putting other people first she already has enough on her plate and i hate being a problem for her and its not like i can helo her in any way, just try to and nake it worse, so its just better for everyone if itd just fucking stop caring about her so much but since i cant i can admit that stop being her friend will only do her good she has enough friends and enough people thay got tired of me to not only keep her company and help but to also encourage her to not talk to me i just hope she gets better and doesnt kill herself or tries to again and if me getting away from her helps than so be it this is really just rambling ab me feeling sorry for being a piece of shit boohoo but as much as i ******* ** *** i cant but if i dont say this somewhere i will so yeah i hate having friends bc i love everyone too much but im fucked up and always end up fucking things up and people either hurt me too making me even more fucked up or i hurt them and ruin everything bc im fucked up this isnt about me i cant get out, my birthday ""party"" and trip got cancelled, so im not going to see her for a long time. idk what im going to do when corona dies out and my parents wanna reschedule the trip bc i cant uninvite her and i cant call it off bc my parents are gonna want to know why and id prefer death than opening up to them so idk what im going to do. hopefully she uninvites herself i dont deserve her anyway im sick of writing im gonna isolate myself and push people away yeehaw and not kms bc i cant do my parents dirty like this

[garecc]

You know, with everything that it turned out that Apollo was pushing down, all of his fears, his anxieties, everything he didn't want to think about or acknowledge as true - with how much he pretended, even though he actually has one of the best support systems among the Olympians, it makes me wonder: what are the other gods keeping concealed? Both from others, and from themselves? What do you think?

kdhfkladhflkashfhasl okay so this is one way to get me to spew my headcanons all over my blog 

well in canon?

Hermes. Hermes. Hermes is stressed and hurting and he feels like shit over may and luke and while he isnt really hiding it hiding it he;s still kinda ignoring it.

And fuckog Hell ares ares has terrible ptsd and claustrophobia and like people know but like He Would Die Before Talking About It

Dionysus. Dio is. Well, he’s stuck in camp for 50 years. And i think he said he cant see his wife, Ariadne. He misses her so much and that impacts why he’s such a bitch to the campers.

Gosh im already leaning into headcanons arnt I 

Okay

okay

Hermes. This is. Pure headcanon now godsh. So like. This dude is terrified of being hated. He’s terrified of fading. He never fucking tells Apollo shit anymore. He’s grossly overworked and is incapable of forcing himself to take a day off. He never sleeps, and hardly ever paused to eat a full meal. Rather just drinking nectar as he works. He uses caffeine to speed up his ability to process energy. Its gotten to a point where if even one thing goes wrong it Freaks Him Out because it ruins the next months and months of things he has set p and its more work and time he doesn't have to reschedule things. He’s exhausted and tired and he hardly had any time to do anything. Random godly meetings Ruin Things and he has crises over things taking mere seconds longer than they are supposed to. His internal clock goes down to milliseconds. Dudes a mess. He also has a fear nobody actually loves him and he cant like Ask For Reassurance because He Doesn't Have Time For That

and hecking ARTEMIS MANshe’s a MESS half the time??? Gosh the trust issues from Orion and the very real terror of her companions dying without her there to help leads her to loving and caring about all her hunters from a distance. Once of the reasons she but Thalia as her lieutenant, was because its a Dangerous Position and she would rather have someone she isn’t as attached to in it than someone she is. Like Zoe. God Zoe. Her death hit Artemis like a truck. So did Phoebe’s death. Phoebe was there after Orion and dhklasfdhlkfsdh and she and Artemis were close dude. and like what happened with Atlas h a u n t s her. She doubts others and herself c o n s t a n t l y. The only people she trust trusts anymore are Apollo and Leto even then she doesn’t was to burden her mother with her Big Issues and Apollo has enough issues himself he doesnt need to worry about her too. Orion crushed her ability to really trust men (excluding Apollo and Hermes). But she trusted Hippolytus after and THAT came crashing down because he died and Asclepius brought him back and that helped lead to Asclepius’s death and WOw is she TERRIFIED of something like that mess happening again and gosh being trapped holding the sky waiting for Apollo to come for her and he didnt and he didnt r e a l l y shook her faith in him and while thats over and she still trusts him there is always that voice in the back of her head like “He didnt come for you are you sure you can trust him?” and she does she d o e s because everything else he’s done for her stacked against that makes that one thing almost meaningless but he didnt come and that messes with herShe has so many regrets and so many fears and she never really talks to anyone anymore.Its. Real hard to earn her trust. She trusted Orion. She trusted him. And he wanted her sexually. The one thing she swore to never do. The one thing she was certain she never never never never never never never never wanted. And then he got frustrated and she killed him because he was going to rape her.And SO MUCH and she finds it really hard not to fear that others would be like that. Hippolytus wasnt, he was aroace like her and she didnt fear him at all but then he died and it spiraled into Asclepius’s deathAnd she was never sure if Apollo was ever even mad that she had a hand, however small in his death and While Apollo never ever blamed her she’s TERRIFIED that he migh have

who else who else

uhhh hmmm Well all of the original gods spare Zeus all are quite traumatized from being eaten as infants. And while they didnt really hide it thats a thING

sjkadklfskldhfklash

[altheathewriter]

I want to say that 2018 sucked but, to be honest, in the history of the past 25 years, it...is kind of a normal type of suck, you know? Like I could handle it? And it really wasn’t -too- bad?

Let me put it this way.

I was raised in an emotionally and psychologically abusive household (the kind where you are raised to believe you are worthless to the point that it becomes part of your identity, and you believe abusive behaviors are normal or even kind behaviors), and I was bullied by students and teachers alike in school. I went to a school that was SO BAD, that when Orange is the New Black came out and people were like OMG that place is prison, its so scary, omgggg...I was like...that was my high school, what are you talking about? When people post videos of girls getting their faces bashed into sinks in school bathrooms and people freak out over the nature of kids these days, I go...its been that way forever? Is that not normal? Did I miss something?

I then went to college and took a major that I felt I had to in order to prove to my parents that I was not a freak. I then went into fashion where I had it good for about 10 years, but it was just more psychological and emotional abuse, tbh. I slowly got to know what it was. Like, you know its scary when someone thinks this is NORMAL. Imagine when that person realizes its NOT, and their life is Fucked Up(TM).

Then I decided to change careers and go back to school in about 2015, and this required me selling everything I owned and moving back in with my parents. When I say I sold everything, I mean down to like...giving away one of my cats. I owned my clothes, my other cat, and my car (which got totaled that year anyway so yeah). I took a $60K pay cut just to leave that life behind. But it was still my parents. I knew their game now, though. And I knew what to do and what not to do. For three years I was exactly what they wanted, and tbh, going back to school helped me cope with it because it gave me something to do and helped keep me focused on me. But that was before 2018.

My parents moved into an old folk’s community, and I didn’t want to go, so I used the savings I had scrimped for those years I lived with them and got an apartment. Money is kind of tight. I can afford it, but its just standard “I’m an adult” budgeting I have to do. No partying or anything. But anyway, I got into a great school. A fucking fantastic school. I have a 4.0 since returning to school. I was like...second place for a full ride scholarship that thousands of people compete for. Professors asked me to guest speak in their classes, and they use my papers for examples of what to do. The new school told me, that’s great, just go take this math class that has nothing to do with your major, but you need to take it to get into this program, pay us a couple hundred dollars, pass with a C, and you’re good to go.

This class was for engineering and math majors. I was the only psychology major there. The teacher was HORRIBLE. I taught myself this math and got a B. I am used to putting out A effort and getting As because I am a 100% student. But whatever. I called the school and they said that it doesn’t even get counted on my GPA. I just needed it for qualification or whatever. I get into the program. Its great. I made my dreams come true through hard work and perseverance and I did it myself, all by myself, FOR ME. And no one else.

And then I show up during orientation and it turns out that this school lied to me during the admissions process. They do not have classes available nights and weekends, like they said they did. And not just one person told me this. I asked no less than 6 people, and a whole department confirmed it. They told me, “It is not our fault that you feel you weren’t given enough information to make this decision. Your fees are non-refundable. Bye!”

Now I was SOL, because all the other colleges that had accepted me (I had applied to 6 like universities, and only one did not accept me) had passed their deadlines for me to accept admission.

I wanted to pretend that this didn’t suck for me. But it really did depress me because I was reminded that, once again, no matter how hard I worked or tried to make my life better, someone could easily squash it and not care. And the Logical Me knows that this is not a problem. I called a few schools that very day and then had some top online schools fighting for me. I got into all of them, and received a scholarship. The school I will be going to is a Christian school, but it is respected in my chosen major. I am -pleased- with how it turned out alright in the end. It is -acceptable-. 

But Emotional Me, Wounded Child Me, the one who never received closure from abuse and bullying, just took another hit. And thats really all that happens. I get my hopes up and its dashed, and psychologically, this is the reaction. It is depression. I went to a therapist, they told me I was fine and to call them when I actually had a problem (really). Went to go see a psychiatrist because obviously talking to someone didn’t help and fuck that, I need meds, but it took forever to get an appointment, and when I did, I got a flat tire on the way there, and they never called me back to reschedule, so I am waiting on another appointment.

New friends I had made got me lost on a fucking mountain during a hike, and during that time one of them said some really disparaging remarks, so I haven’t hung out with them since then.

But like, I know all this sounds bad. And it is. I am not dismissing myself. But in the light of everything in my life, it has been managed. I handled it. I no longer have ‘its the end of the world’ panic attacks (I had only one this year, and that one was on the mountain...they used to be monthly). And a lot of good shit happened to. Like...I taught myself an advanced math class. I got myself a B. I graduated junior college with a 3.8 cumulative GPA. I moved out, and got my own apartment, and its fucking PURPLE on the inside because thats my favorite color. I regained some relationships, and got rid of ones that I didn’t need. I am stronger with my boundaries. I found out that some kids look up to me and if that doesn’t fucking blow your mind when you find that out, then...I dunno. I still can’t believe it. I won fucking NaNoWriMo, the first time I wrote original fic since like...2005. I handle my shit. And every year, Handling My Shit gets easier to do. I think of things I do now that would have freaked Past Me out a lot. I still have issues in grocery stores and I don’t know why (crowds? i dunno). And work still gives me anxiety. But I can give as good as given when it comes to my parents (I don’t abuse back...but I do shut things down and respect my boundaries when around them). 

I know 2019 is another year that will be part of this story. School is not done yet (I should be done, but you can thank incompetent counselors at my previous school for giving me wrong advice for a year, and then the new college debacle), so there’s that. And I want to write more. I like what I write now. Man, my parents used to give me so much shit about my writing. They used to tell me I was hiding from them (probably was) and I was weird. I still hate being called weird. But I like writing. And even though I don’t get a lot of comments on it, I like doing it for me. Even Tumblr’s tiddypocalypse couldn’t stop it. Anyway. I’m ringing in the new year with some contemplation, frozen pizza, and some wine. 

And writing.

[fhamt]

The Importance Of Consulting With A Gynecologist

By David Rogers

When dealing with illnesses, diseases, and disorders, most people just tend to focus on what they can see on the dot. You know the oft quoted aphorism, out of sight, out of mind. However, there are potentially insidious diseases that are springing their trap, and it can be deadly if you dont act preemptively. That said, you should think about consulting a gynecologist tampa. Usually some women rely on the diagnosis of their general practitioner before they even get down to consulting a gynecologist. However, it could be that the GP does not have the knowledge, training, technique, and equipment to effectively deal with the problem. Therefore, it is important that one consults gynecologist right off the bat to prevent misdiagnoses and other likely problems. There are many conditions that gynecologists deal with, from dysmenorrhea, amenorrhea, menorrhagia, prolapse, incontinence, infertility, and the whole shebang. They may even detect precancerous tumors before you get wind of them. Thus the importance of keeping up to date with your appointments. The main thing with going on a gynecological exam is to be as ready as possible in providing all the needed information. Though some people might deem it as too intrusive and intimate, it is relevant in the grander scheme of things. Be as open as possible so that all important information is jotted down your file. There are some other nitty gritty to keep in mind. For instance, it is not wise to schedule your appointment in time with your period, since that can complicate and perhaps render impossible, the physical examination. To avoid the hassle of rescheduling, it would be helpful if you looked at the calendar ahead. That doesnt apply, of course, when your menstrual cycles are notoriously irregular, which is the nub of the whole matter. Other issues that they deal with is prolapse in the pelvis and surrounding organs, as well as inflammatory diseases therein, and also UTI, or urinary tract infection, which is mainly under the turf of urology but which might have its provenance in the reproductive system. There are other general complaints, such as premenstrual syndromes and other vaginal diseases. Gynecological examinations, although generally important, are nonetheless greatly put off. It should be that the first tests are done when a woman is around thirteen or fifteen years old. But the case usually is that they dont approach the gynecologist unless they wind up needing it. Although it is required, notwithstanding the circumstances, the prevailing idea is that the visit is required as soon as they become sexually active, which may be an acceptable idea. Annual checkups are advised. It is also recommended that you tap on the help of a specialist that is registered with a definitive professional body, such as the ACOG or college of obstetricians and gynecologists. Whenever a woman has concerns regarding pelvic, vaginal, and vulvar pain, and even perhaps for general health reasons, she should consult with the doctor. Thats because reproductive system disorders may also impinge on general disorders like headaches, back pains, acne, and mood changes. Thats why GPs give referrals to gynecologists with general health issues like asthma, depressions, thyroid and hormonal disorders, diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, and so on and so forth. The thing to keep in mind with each visit to the gynecologist is that one should always give off honest accounts regarding their health and lifestyle. That is just a way of helping them to help you. With their screenings, they are well placed to pass evaluations and advice. They will perform physical examinations and assess your health, and they will do the physical examinations that are relevant to ones age. Where female general health is concerned, gynecologists have got your back.

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[datingadviceonreddit]

I am a 28 y.o male who considers himself to be kind, intelligent, ambitious, career oriented, attractive and with hobbies. I often attend networking functions, social events and concerts, and I serve on a few committees for local business associations. Both my job and hobbies dictate I personally put myself out there and meet people.I never experienced true romance until last year. After about 7 months, it fell apart because unfortunately she had mood and mental issues left over from a very unfortunate physically traumatic accident to her brain 5 years before we met, and I could not look past it and could not devote a life and potential family to this person.Because most of my 20's was spent in a traveling band, 99.9% of the women I dated were unambitious, not intelligent, and mostly drug addicted. I want someone that has somewhat of their life together, and I'm not doing all the driving, paying, and planning for each step. Ive found that if a woman dosnt have her own thing going on in life, it leads to toxicity for both partners.Before I met my ex, I genuinely thought that in life I would never experience true romance. I was so burnt out from OLD that even the thought of redownloading an app or making an OKC account drove me into depression. Most of my dates of women I meet in real life consist of us having a fun time, and then her never talking to me again.I have a stipulation when I date. That, if I ask a girl out and she says anything other than 'yes' or 'I can't, but how about *altermative date', then I immediately stop pursuing. I think that I am too great of a catch and that my family is too amazing to stoop myself into asking someone out more than once. I think if a girl says 'no' to a date and does not immediately try and reschedule on her end, then she either dosnt like me... or she does, but is too shy or dosnt know how to get what she wants. 99.9% of the time, I've found she dosnt like me, and continuing to pursue is super fruitless.I started becoming depressed about it. I went on 4 seperate dates with girls I met in real life --- only for them to stop talking to me after. I am not crass, rude, or lewd/sexual when I first date. I dont speak about my ex. I read countless bad first date stories onlind and from friends and I strive to believe I bring only smiles, great energy, and curiosity about the person I'm datingI love my family so much and we are wealthy and I see everything that I could provide for another person.... genuine love, caring, affection, kindness, resources, connections. And I refuse to beg, cajole, or convince any woman, no matter how amazing and pretty and smart and funny, that spending time with me is a good idea.After visiting a therapist, I truly once and for all decided to LET GO. I realize that all I can do is control myself: my physique, career, kindness, hobbies, and passions. And I cannot control another persons interest and desire for me. I am nearing my 30's soon and I refuse to entertain wishy washy women that can't decide what they want, or if they want to date me.What I loved so much about my ex was that it was so easy. We met. We hit it off. I asked her out. She said yes. We planned the 3rd date right after the 2nd date. Then the 3rd. Then 4th. If she said she would meet me someplace, she'd always be there right on time. If she had to reschedule, SHE is the one who immediately suggested alternative dates without any prodding. She loved spending time with me and was unabashed and unafraid to show it.Thats exactly what I want. I understand as a male in the US, I must make the first move. And after I make the first move, if shes not right there with me every step of the way than I immediately lose interest. Its 2018. Your phone tells you of a missed call or text. I shouldnt have to keep following up like I'm a lame salesperson chasing a half-intersted deal.So I decided to truly surrender. Truly wave the white flag. Truly realize that chasing women does not make me happy. I have so much love to give, so much energy and resources to start a loving family and explore the world and ourselves together with a partner. And I get so upset that I feel that I have to beg and convince women to give that to them. I am the prize. And so is she. And when we both unwrap our gifts at the same time thats when I feel it will be right. And until then, I'm happy just relaxing and enjoying myself on this earth and sinking my teeth into my fitness, family, friends, and passions. It sucks waking up alone, masturbating, and not holding hands with another. But being in a relationship I'm not happy in, or convincing someone that I'm worth spending time with feels infinitely worse.Amen via /r/dating_advice

[aleishasutter-blog]

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[god-hunter]

Amazing Spider-man #29

Man, it’s been a while since I reviewed Amazing Spider-man.  Slott is something else.  I need not bring up what he did with Spider-man #700 here.  But that bold choice met with success.  He was able to spin-off a whole new “Superior Spider-man” brand, which I avoided like the plague.  Then I heard that it was actually really good, and eventually hopped on board when there was a big Spider-verse event, in which issues of “Superior” were meant to be collected.

For those not in the know, Doc Ock took the mantle of Spidey for a while there, and he was way darker, and almost anti-heroish.  But he did the job, and people really appreciated the difference.  Hell, I enjoyed what little I saw of him in Spider-verse.

When Pete was back and re-established, I heard that Slott was disenchanted and just going through the motions on his book.  I probably wasn’t going to do it, but who wants to collect that.  Then when Marvel NOW 2015 came around, we saw the changes to Peter Parker, taking over the Baxter Building and becoming the owner of Parker Industries.

While it’s interesting to see him in the role as a boss in the Spider-man 2099 book, I really wasn’t interested in seeing this full-time.  Parker has been a major help to the Avengers, offering up Parker Industries as their housing unit.

So with that said, that’s a brief background on where Peter’s at now.

And even though I’m not in love with Secret Empire, I really like what Spencer did with this new choice.  On the cover right there, that is without a doubt Doc Ock, fighting Spider-man.  He calls himself the “Superior Octopus” now, and it’s totally his answer for those of us who have missed him.

So when I saw that there was a tie-in related to the event featuring this, I just Had to get it.  But sadly, there’s still plenty of Superior lore that I don’t know about.  Still, this issue brings all of that together, and Otto is under the impression that Peter would Never be where he is today if it wasn’t for the footwork he did, when he was inheriting Peter’s body.  And ya know what?  He’s right.

What I appreciate the most about this tie-in is that it definitely brings us from within the “normal” Marvel feeling, to the screwed up tone of Secret Empire.  In an awesome way, suddenly everything goes dark by the end of it.  As such, I am far more invested by the end of this issue than at the beginning.  But such is the nature of jumping into a book head-first for the tie-in.

[SPOILERS]

This issue starts in London, where Peter is handling a lot of Business stuff with his.. Midget Assistant?  There’s follow up on something about Silver Sable, whom he just rescued or brought back to normalcy in the last arc or something.  Since I’m not invested in that, I’m turning the page.

At his interview, the woman really grilled him on certain questionable things his company has been doing including, “invading a country and overthrowing its government...”!  But all of that gets interrupted when news of the Chiaturi Invasion spreads, Emergency Broadcast style.

His interview is postponed and rescheduled, and Peter couldn’t be more relieved.  He gets in his limo with his assistant (who definitely knows his secret).

One major thing I don’t understand is how quickly they get to Parker Industries. [Isn’t that in New York?  I guess not.]

Anyway, Peter gets to his building and suits up.  He makes note of the fact that he doesn't recognize anyone who is working in that building.  He thinks about the fact that he’s been neglecting his duties as C.E.O, but this is ridiculous.

Then suddenly one of the workers says, “He’s on to us.”

[This is where it got really good for me.]

“HAIL HYDRA” he cries out, and all of his staff attack him.

Spidey definitely holds his own against all of the Hydra goons, and eventually a familiar voice is heard on an intercom.  “Stand down all of you. ...Spider-man’s business here tonight... is with me.”

Parker follows the trail to his office, as the Hydra agents all stand at attention and let him do so.

Thats when he is face to face with Otto Octavius finally, the Superior Octopus, as they meet for the first time since Spider-verse went down.

“Doc Ock. So you survived again.  Clone body?”

“Technically, yes. But not like the others. Far Superior.”  [Nice.]

He’s disappointed that he’s working for Hydra, but Otto tells him they aren’t as they once were.

“Listen, Otto, I know there’s good in you.  ...Come with me to New York.  Help me stop this... and I’ll help you make a new start...”

I love that.  Peter is recognizing every heroic deed Otto did when he once inherited his body.  But Otto wants to hear nothing of it.

“I’ve been in your head. I feel a kinship of sorts to you... and the people in your life.  That’s why I am giving you the opportunity...  To peacefully transfer ownership of Parker Industries to me!”

This incenses Peter, and it brings us right back to the top of this review, where I mentioned that Otto feels that all of his success in Parker Industries was due to him.  Otto started this up, he helped create Web-ware, which was really the stuff they used during Spider-verse..  Otto, even apparently manipulated the stocks so that Parker Industries would meet with such success.  He laughs at the idea that Peter thought he was such a good businessman.

This pisses Peter off, but he keeps it light when he tells him to ‘eat his shorts’.  “This is my company. I’ll never give it up to you.”

Otto tells him that he’s forced his hand.

He displays what’s going on in New York right now.  [I guess they Are still in London.]  “Behold!  The borough of Manhattan, now engulfed by a bubble of Ebon Energy.”

Then he shows him what the news is broadcasting about it.  It’s saying that Parker Industries was responsible, because the news ARE Hydra, and it’s simply Otto’s will for them to deliver that message to the World.

“...the World will bale Peter Parker for Manhattan’s dark fate.”  [whoa!]

This is where the fight finally starts.  Peter uses some of his best moves, but Otto’s suit does prove far superior in the end.

Don’t get me wrong, Spider-man gets some good hits in.  But what ultimately stops the fight is a communication from Tony A.I.

“All Avengers--I repeat, any and all Avengers that are left--this is Iron Man.  If you can hear this, your services are required immediately--”

Superior Octopus taunts Spider-man.

“Ah, the all-out assault on Washington.  Well, what’ll it be, Peter?  Stay here... or help your poor friends when... they’ll need you the most?”

Peter takes the opportunity to run to his vibrant red and blue jet.

“I’ll have to settle with Otto later.  If there IS a later.”

[I appreciated this, because I do believe Peter was laid out in that battle from the Free-Comic-Day issue of Secret Empire.]

After Peter flies off, we get to see Otto Octavius in his new, sleek body.  He’s wearing a familiar olive trench coat over his suit and he is unmasked.  He’s rocking something of a side-combed mohawk, with a mostly shaved head, which is interesting to see.

Then he sends rockets to Parker Industries and blows up the building.

[I guess if he had his way, he wouldn’t blow up the building.  But if he can’t have it, no one will.]  This will definitely affect Spider-man no matter what the outcome is.  I dig it.

There’s a final but of continuity to the midget who was waiting for a date this whole time.  It seems that Otto was the one who set that up to distract her, which allowed him to do all of this in the first place, I think.  But I’m not sure.

...that doesn’t matter.

We end with Otto walking in the streets all cool and confident.  “Everything has gone perfectly according to plan.”

-To Be Continued!-

Damn!  Yeah!!

In the next issue preview, we see the Spider-man in his Jet attacking Superior Octopus.  That looks very exciting.

[I guess he didn’t... die?  In the Secret Empire Free-Comic-Day issue, it was alluded that so many iconic heroes died in the initial Washington battle.  And I could’ve SWORN I saw Peter Parker in his Spider-man suit laid out on the ground.  If I’m correct on that, I guess he was just... out cold?]  We’ll have to see, if that’s even explained.

Until Amazing Spider-man #30!!!