#and they don’t talk about why they’re not unpacking. and they say they need to stop ordering take-out.

[mywitchyblog]

Reacting Answering and debunking Kristine s take on shifting (girl who talked about genetics and shifting)

Let’s clear the air, babes. 💅✨"

So, I know some of y’all might have stumbled across that TikTok from @sectumsempress (Christine), and if you haven’t yet, let me sum it up: it’s a video where she dives into her takes on shifting—some thought-provoking, some solid, and others… well, let’s just say they need a little rethinking.

Now, before anyone panics or starts spiraling, let me reassure you: you’re not doing anything wrong. Shifting is a personal journey, and one person’s opinions (even if they’re loud and sassy) don’t define the truth. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by her claims, breathe, because I’ve got you.

I’m here to break down her points one by one: where she’s spot on, where she’s almost there, and where she’s just plain off the mark. This isn’t about dragging anyone—it’s about keeping the shifting community informed, confident, and empowered.

Remember, babe: shifting is real, it’s valid, and you are more than capable of mastering it. Let’s dive into this post with clarity, sass, and a sprinkle of tough love. We’re addressing it all, and we’re doing it together. 💖✨

Taglist :

1: "I don't know what it is, but I do think there is a genetic component to who can and cannot shift."

Oh, honey. Let me stop you right there. Reality shifting is about consciousness, not chromosomes. No one’s out here unlocking DRs with their DNA. If shifting were genetic, then wouldn’t identical twins always have the same shifting abilities? Newsflash: they don’t. Shifting is deeply personal—it’s shaped by belief systems, practice, and the state of your subconscious mind.

Let’s talk logic:

If shifting were genetic, why do people from all backgrounds, ages, and cultures shift successfully?

If genes dictated shifting ability, how do beginners with no spiritual training manage to shift while seasoned practitioners struggle sometimes?

This "genetic component" claim feels like an excuse to gatekeep shifting behind a veil of exclusivity. You don’t need elite DNA—you need clarity, discipline, and faith in your abilities. What you’re really saying here is “I’m struggling and need something to blame.” Blame your approach, babe, not your ancestors. Shifting doesn’t care about your family tree; it cares about your mindset. 🧬✨

2: "Out of everyone who can shift, most of them shouldn't, including myself when I first started."

Now this is projection if I’ve ever seen it. Just because you weren’t ready when you started doesn’t mean the rest of the community isn’t. People shift for their own reasons, whether it’s healing, exploration, fun, or growth. Who are you to decide who should and shouldn’t explore their consciousness?

Let’s unpack this:

Shifting is a skill, and like any skill, it comes with a learning curve. Mistakes and missteps are part of the process. No one is perfect at it from the jump, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t try.

This idea of “most people shouldn’t shift” reeks of elitism. What’s the criteria? Who makes the rules? Oh wait—you don’t, because this is an individual journey.

And let’s not ignore the thinly veiled guilt here. “Including myself when I first started” screams “I made mistakes, so no one else should try.” No, sis, you made mistakes so others can learn and grow. Let people figure it out for themselves—your experience isn’t universal. Stay humble. 💁‍♀️✨

3: "If shifting is affecting your current reality to the point where your mental health plummets and you can't function, the cost is too high. This is also at past me."

Okay, valid point. For once, we’re aligned—but let’s add nuance. Shifting itself isn’t the villain here. The problem arises when someone uses shifting as an escape or obsesses over their DR to the detriment of their CR.

Here’s the truth:

Shifting works best when you’re grounded in your CR. Neglecting your CR responsibilities, ignoring self-care, or avoiding real-life problems will inevitably lead to burnout. Your CR self is the foundation for all your realities. If you’re not taking care of yourself here, it’s going to show up in your DR too.

Balance is key. Shifting can be an incredible tool for healing and self-discovery, but it’s not a replacement for addressing your mental health or real-life challenges.

Let’s also call out this “past me” comment. You’re shading yourself for your mistakes, which is fair, but don’t let that self-criticism turn into fear-mongering for others. Instead of saying “the cost is too high,” try saying, “Learn from my mistakes and prioritize your well-being.” That’s the energy we need. 🧠✨

4: "I think there will come a time when shifting is able to be explained scientifically."

Now we’re getting somewhere. Yes, science may eventually catch up, but let’s not act like shifting is waiting for permission to exist. Just because something isn’t fully understood doesn’t mean it’s invalid. Dreams weren’t “real” until REM sleep was discovered. Electricity wasn’t harnessed until the right tools were developed. Shifting is the same—it’s ahead of its time.

Here’s the tea:

Quantum physics already hints at the nature of reality being far more fluid and observer-dependent than we once thought. Concepts like the observer effect and parallel universes align with what shifters describe.

Neurology is just scratching the surface of how visualization and intention shape the brain. Lucid dreaming, meditation, and neuroplasticity all prove that the mind is capable of extraordinary things.

The fact that shifting isn’t yet measurable doesn’t diminish its validity. Science is a tool, not a dictator of truth. Shifting is real now, and science will catch up later. Don’t let the lack of a peer-reviewed study make you doubt your own experiences. 🔬✨

5: "The majority of people on Shiftok in 2020 were lying."

You’re not wrong, but let’s dig deeper. Were there liars? Absolutely. TikTok’s algorithm rewards drama, and fake success stories grabbed attention. But dismissing the entire Shiftok community as liars is lazy and reductive.

Here’s what really happened:

Many people on Shiftok were genuine shifters sharing their tips and experiences. The problem was that TikTok favored sensationalism over authenticity. Real advice got buried under Hogwarts weddings and Draco stans claiming they had seven kids in one night. 🐍✨

The fake stories weren’t malicious—they were clout-chasing. People wanted likes, and exaggerating their experiences worked.

But let’s not let the liars overshadow the genuine shifters who were out there putting in the work. Misinformation thrived because of the platform, not because everyone was lying. Don’t throw out the whole community just because some people were playing the algorithm. 🌟✨

6: "Way more people outside of the internet shift than we think they do, and most of them are adults."

This one is surprisingly solid, but let’s add some layers. Shifting has been around forever—it’s not a TikTok invention. People have been exploring alternate realities under different names, like astral projection, lucid dreaming, and deep meditation, for centuries. These practices have roots in spiritual traditions across cultures, often led by—you guessed it—adults.

Why don’t we hear more about these adults?

They’re less likely to post about it online because they don’t care about clout or “DR trends.”

Many adults see shifting as a private, sacred practice rather than something to flex.

But here’s where the take falters: don’t dismiss teens and younger people just because they’re more visible online. Shifting transcends age. The internet didn’t create shifting; it just gave teens a platform to talk about it. And let’s not act like adults are automatically better at it—age doesn’t guarantee discipline or skill, hun. Stop pitting age groups against each other. Shifting is for everyone, whether you’re 15 or 50. 🌌✨

7: "Nine out of ten times, teenagers do not have the emotional maturity or mental capacity to handle a DR. I know I sure wouldn't have been able to."

Okay, this one SCREAMS projection. Just because you weren’t ready doesn���t mean an entire generation of teenagers isn’t. Emotional maturity isn’t an age—it’s a mindset. While it’s true that some teens might struggle with the responsibilities or intensity of a DR, plenty of them are capable of handling it.

Here’s what you’re missing:

Shifting is deeply personal. One teen’s DR might be about living in Hogwarts, while another’s might be about exploring their self-worth or healing trauma. What they can handle depends on their intent and preparation—not their birth year.

This take also assumes that adults magically have their lives together. Let’s be real—plenty of adults couldn’t handle a DR either. Emotional maturity is learned through experience, not something that just arrives with age.

Instead of writing off teenagers as too immature, why not empower them to approach shifting responsibly? Help them understand the importance of grounding techniques, journaling, and balancing their CR. Support them instead of gatekeeping, babe. Growth comes from guidance, not judgment. 🖤✨

8: "Shifting to live as a child when you are an adult is wrong."

Oh, let’s unpack this nonsense, because the judgment here is LOUD and unnecessary. Shifting to live as a child isn’t inherently “wrong”—it’s all about intent. People shift to younger ages for all kinds of valid reasons:

Healing: Someone who had a traumatic childhood might shift to experience the innocence and joy they missed out on. That’s not “wrong”—it’s deeply therapeutic.

Nostalgia: Revisiting a simpler time in life can be comforting and grounding.

Where’s the harm if someone is revisiting their childhood for healing or self-discovery? The only time this could be “wrong” is if someone’s doing it for malicious, fetishistic, or exploitative reasons. And let’s be clear—that’s an issue with the person’s intent, not the act of shifting itself.

This take reeks of moral grandstanding. If you don’t understand why someone might shift to a younger age, maybe try asking instead of judging. People’s reasons for shifting are complex and personal. Stay in your lane and let them live. 🍼✨

9: "Shifting to live as an adult when you are a child is wrong."

And here comes the hypocrisy. Why is shifting to an adult age suddenly a problem? If a teenager shifts to experience independence, maturity, or even just to see what adulthood is like, how is that “wrong”?

Let’s break it down:

Exploring independence: Teens often feel powerless in their CR lives. Shifting to adulthood can give them a sense of control or help them explore who they want to be.

Learning experiences: Shifting to an adult DR doesn’t mean teens are out here taking real-world risks. It’s an internal journey. They’re not suddenly going to have access to bank accounts or responsibilities in their CR.

The issue isn’t teens shifting to adult ages—it’s how they approach adult themes. If a teen shifts irresponsibly or romanticizes harmful aspects of adulthood, that’s a learning opportunity, not a reason to gatekeep. Let them explore and grow. The real world isn’t handing out “mature enough” badges; why should shifting? 🔑✨

10: "Shifting is a perception of reality that takes place inside your own mind, and this does not make it any less real."

Babe, what even IS this take? Calling shifting “a perception of reality inside your own mind” is the laziest oversimplification. It’s like saying the ocean is just “wet stuff” or the universe is just “space.” Shifting is SO much more than a mental exercise.

Here’s why this is bullshit:

Shifters report full sensory immersion in their DRs—smells, tastes, and even physical sensations. That’s not just perception; that’s a relocation of awareness.

Many shifters describe gaining knowledge or skills in their DRs that they couldn’t have fabricated in their CR minds. That’s evidence of connection to a separate reality, not just “perception.”

Saying it’s all in your head is reductive and dismissive. Shifting isn’t just a daydream or lucid dream—it’s a deliberate movement of consciousness.

By this logic, everything you experience is just “perception,” and therefore not real. Do better. Shifting is as real as the CR you’re reading this in—it’s just on a different frequency. 🌀✨

11: "Therefore, perma shifting is impossible."

Who told you this? Perma shifting isn’t just possible—it’s the logical extension of what shifting already is. If infinite realities exist and your consciousness can relocate temporarily, what exactly is stopping it from staying permanently?

Let’s debunk this thoroughly:

Shifting doesn’t require you to return to your CR. You’re not tethered here by some metaphysical leash. If you can spend weeks in a DR, why not forever?

This take assumes that your CR body is what keeps you “alive.” Wrong. Your consciousness is the seat of your existence, not the meat suit you’re wearing in your CR.

The only barrier to perma shifting is fear or lack of belief. People who say it’s impossible are projecting their own limitations. If shifting is real, so is perma shifting. Stop trying to box people into your doubts. Perma shifters are already out there living their best DR lives while you’re here arguing with yourself. 🖤✨

12: "Your body will not get up and do things while you're shifting."

Okay, I’ll give credit where it’s due—this one is spot on. Your CR body doesn’t suddenly start sleepwalking or doing the cha-cha while you’re in your DR. Shifting doesn’t override your physical body’s autopilot mode. Instead, your CR body stays in a deep state of rest, like sleeping or meditating.

Here’s why this is accurate:

Shifting is a relocation of consciousness, not physical movement. Your awareness moves to your DR, while your CR body stays put. It’s like putting your computer on sleep mode—it’s still there, just inactive.

If your CR body did start moving, you’d be blending realities, which isn’t how shifting works. Shifting creates a clear boundary between where your consciousness is and where your body remains.

That said, your CR body can react slightly to your DR state—like twitching or deepened breathing—but it’s not going to hop up and do laundry. So yes, you’re right, but don’t act like this is revolutionary knowledge. Most people know this already. Your body stays put while your mind does the exploring. 🛏️✨

13: "Most people treat scripting and shifting as a choose-your-own-path fanfic instead of reality."

This one’s got layers, and I’m ready to dig in. First of all, who cares if someone treats scripting like fanfic? Scripting is a personal tool, and people can approach it however they like. But let’s get real: scripting is way more than fanfiction.

Here’s the nuance:

Scripting is a powerful manifestation tool. It sets clear intentions for what you want to experience in your DR. Treating it like a story doesn’t make it any less valid. If imagining yourself as the protagonist in a beautifully detailed “fanfic” helps you focus, then it’s working, period.

Not everyone scripts for the same reasons. Some people use it to map out specific DR details, while others treat it as a loose guide. Neither approach is wrong—it’s about what works for YOU.

Also, let’s not act like scripting takes away from the “reality” of shifting. Scripting isn’t fake—it’s preparation. The moment you shift, what you scripted becomes as real as your CR. So stop invalidating people’s methods just because you don’t like the format. 💁‍♀️✨

14: "Putting your DR on a pedestal makes it harder to get to."

Okay, now we’re talking sense. This take is 100% accurate, and it’s a trap that a lot of shifters fall into. When you treat your DR like it’s some magical, unattainable place, you create mental resistance that makes shifting harder.

Here’s why this is true:

Your subconscious mind follows your beliefs. If you see your DR as something distant or godlike, your subconscious will act accordingly. It’ll say, “Oh, we’re not worthy yet? Cool, let’s not shift.”

When you overhype your DR, you’re also adding unnecessary pressure. Shifting becomes less about the journey and more about the desperation to “make it happen.” That desperation creates doubt, which blocks your progress.

The trick? Normalize your DR. Think of it as a natural extension of your existence, not some impossible dream. It’s real, attainable, and waiting for you—you just have to stop psyching yourself out. DRs are exciting, but they’re not fairy tales. Treat them as real, and your subconscious will follow suit. ✨

15: "I'm really excited about going to my DR in the same way that I'm really excited about going to a theme park or to a museum. Something very exciting but also very real and attainable."

Another solid take—this is exactly the right mindset. Approaching your DR with excitement, but without putting it on a pedestal, is the sweet spot for successful shifting. It’s the energy of anticipation, not desperation, that aligns your mind with your destination.

Here’s why this works:

Excitement fuels intention. When you’re genuinely excited about shifting, your subconscious is more likely to cooperate because it associates your DR with positive emotions.

Seeing your DR as “real and attainable” grounds your belief system. If you treat it like a natural part of your reality, your mind will perceive it as such.

This take is also a great reminder that shifting is a journey, not a chore. Approach it with the same joy you’d have for any adventure, and the process becomes smoother. Your DR isn’t some untouchable fantasy—it’s a place you can visit with the right mindset. Theme park energy, but make it metaphysical. 🎢✨

16: "I'm not excited about going to my DR like some heavenly dream world. That's just unrealistic."

Thank you for saying this, because it’s time to drag the “heavenly DR” myth. DRs aren’t utopias, and expecting them to be perfect sets you up for disappointment. Shifting is about experiencing another reality, not escaping to some flawless paradise.

Here’s the tea:

Every DR has challenges. Just like CR, your DR will have ups and downs. That doesn’t make it any less real or amazing—it just makes it dynamic and authentic.

Thinking of your DR as a “heavenly dream world” adds unnecessary pressure. When you finally shift and realize your DR isn’t perfect, you risk feeling disillusioned or disappointed.

The truth? Your DR is real, but it’s not going to solve all your problems or fulfill all your fantasies. Treat it as an exciting new chapter, not a flawless escape. The more grounded your expectations, the more satisfying your experience will be. ✨

17: "Judging people for what they do in their DR based on CR standards is usually wrong."

Finally, a take that makes sense! This is the kind of nuance we need in the shifting community. DRs operate on their own rules, and trying to apply CR standards to them is like judging a fish for not climbing a tree.

Here’s why this is on point:

Different realities, different rules. What might be morally or socially acceptable in CR could be completely irrelevant in a DR. People shift to explore and experience, not to replicate the exact conditions of CR.

Judging others is counterproductive. Shifting is deeply personal. Someone’s DR journey might be about exploring sides of themselves that they suppress in CR, and that’s valid. As long as they’re not harming others, it’s not your business.

Let’s be clear, though: this doesn’t excuse harmful behavior in DRs. If someone’s intentionally scripting unethical or damaging scenarios, that’s a different conversation. But for the most part, let people live and shift without your CR morality checklist. 🌀✨

18: "Every single thing you script has far-reaching consequences that you cannot imagine until you get there. If you script that you can't sweat or can't grow body hair, you'll show up in your DR with some medical condition that causes those things."

Girl, when we thought there was progress... you do THIS?! Let’s break it down, because this take is serving a mix of paranoia and half-truths, and I’m disappointed.

Yes, scripting can shape your DR reality, but this idea that every single detail comes with “far-reaching consequences” is dramatic and misleading.

Scripting sets intentions. If you script that you don’t sweat, your DR might interpret that literally, but it doesn’t mean you’re suddenly cursed with a medical condition. Your DR adapts to your intentions, not in some twisted monkey’s paw way, but in alignment with your desires.

This take leans heavily into fear-mongering. It’s important to script mindfully, but implying that a poorly worded script will backfire catastrophically is unnecessary drama.

Let’s not scare people into thinking shifting is a minefield of unintended consequences. Scripting is flexible and intuitive. If you don’t like something in your DR, you can shift back and adjust. Chill, girl—it’s not that deep. 😒✨

19: "Things in reality don't just fucking happen for no reason."

This is facts, but let’s unpack it fully. Whether it’s CR or DR, reality operates on cause and effect. Your actions, intentions, and beliefs shape your experience.

Here’s the tea:

In shifting, your subconscious mind plays a huge role. Nothing “just happens.” If you experience something unexpected in your DR, it’s often tied to unintentional thoughts, emotions, or residual CR beliefs.

This take is a good reminder to take responsibility for your scripting and intentions. You are the architect of your DR. If something goes awry, it’s not because the universe is out to get you—it’s because of how you set the framework.

That said, let’s not act like every single thing needs to be micromanaged. Part of the fun of shifting is letting your DR surprise you. Control the big stuff, but leave room for spontaneity. Your DR doesn’t need to feel like a sterile checklist. ✨

20: "Scripting yourself a dysfunctional abusive family on purpose is fucked up."

YES, babe, say it louder for the people in the back! This is a take I fully agree with. If you’re intentionally scripting harmful or abusive dynamics into your DR, you need to seriously reflect on why.

Here’s why this is so problematic:

Your DR is a space for growth, healing, and exploration. Why would you willingly bring toxicity into it? If you want to explore complex relationships, that’s fine, but scripting outright abuse is deeply concerning.

This kind of scripting raises ethical red flags. Even if DR characters are technically constructs, the energy and intent behind scripting abuse can reflect unresolved issues or harmful tendencies.

Shifting is a powerful tool—don’t misuse it by scripting negativity for the sake of drama. If you’re scripting toxic situations, ask yourself what you’re really seeking. Your DR should uplift you, not drag you into unnecessary harm. Do better. 🖤✨

Let’s wrap this up with love and clarity, babes. 💖✨"

So, after unpacking @sectumsempress’s (Christine’s) points, here’s the bottom line: Shifting is YOUR journey. Some of her takes were valid, others were shaky, and a few? Well, they needed a reality check. But hey, that’s the beauty of conversations like these—it gives us a chance to reflect, grow, and strengthen our understanding of shifting.

Remember:

Shifting is deeply personal. What works for one person might not work for you, and that’s okay.

Misinformation doesn’t define you. Always question, explore, and trust your intuition.

You are capable, worthy, and enough. Whether you’re scripting, visualizing, or just starting out, your DR is closer than you think.

At the end of the day, the shifting community thrives when we support, uplift, and educate each other. So let’s keep pushing forward with confidence, kindness, and a whole lot of sass. Your reality is yours to create—don’t let anyone dim that light. 💅✨

[artist-heart83]

You know what? Today I wake up to yap about my smg4 fanfics, about the process and stuff, so get ready guys, prepare to read a lot.

SMG4 Fanfics made by Lilac_Heart, aka, me but with a different username

Disclaimer. They’re 8 fics at moment, but only gonna talk about 6, mostly because there is nothing special to say about the first one and the new gen fic is still uploading, so it’s not finished.

I care about you (BoMG1)

The idea came out when I was brainstorming comics ideas, but I only got this funny drawing:

Then I got an idea: “a comic where Bob got badly injured and One heal his scars, that’s sound like an amazing idea”.

Buuuut, I was brainstorming the ideas of how the comic should go A particular idea made me realize this work better as a fic, I say: “fuck the comic, let’s make a fanfic”.

Can’t remember if the idea that Bob could get badly injured in one of his business was based in Guns Don’t Scare Me from @briandraws, but I do know I have a few bomg1 fics from him as reference for descriptions and other stuff once I did the english translation.

Bob bring back the nickname of “pretty eyes” to One, is a reference to Glowing Eyes.

Scrap content that I found in the spanish draft!

Instead of Smg2 going by himself to find some pills for Bob, originally it was Smg1 who sent him.

A lot of scenes were extended: Bob and Smg2 conversation about the blades; the “confession” of smg1, which was thanks to Two; Two constantly teasing the couple; the ending.

An actual conversation about if the date would happen, which was between Two and Bob.

Human touch (Marware)

Marware but they just start their relationship. Also, Puzzles touch starved.

Original title from the spanish draft: “Besos para ti” translated into “Kisses for you”, which the original idea was Mario kissing Puzzles.

Just because I really need more fanfics where they are just being soft, and when Mario kisses Puzzles and hugs him ough… So that was the main idea, but I need a “how?” And “why?” Then boom, touch-starved Puzzles.

Obviously I made this fic way before we know about Puzzles family, so let’s pretend when Puzzles have affection of his dad was when he was very young, alright?

The idea of Puzzles not having a hug or any kind of affection since long time ago was based on a prompt I found on Pinterest, and I have a bunch of tabs of how to write a touch-starved person.

Desiring to become a human, so I can kiss you properly (Marware)

Before anyone ask. Yes, me putting the HDR Trio was necessary for many plot reasons as you can see in the fic.

Also, first time I straight went to doing the english version instead of doing a spanish version to then translate it. Huge thanks to my uncle who give a huge boost of confidence when he told I managed english perfectly hehehe.

This fic was a pure excuse just to finally write them making out, so imagine my surprise when people love it and one of my favorite artists made fanart and I swear to god every time I remember it, it feels like this:

Also hi @lizaluvsthis

The illusion disks are from fnaf and I had to look up for any info that could explain to me how they work, just understand the basics and then I did whatever I want because I couldn’t understand it correctly.

Also, I don’t if it’s just me, but I feel the fight was forced for some reason, is either that or I just feel like this every time I reread the fic:

The Dilemma (BadgeHunter)

The biggest one at the moment, and this one have a lot to unpack here.

Original idea from @ominus-potato, which I expand and change a few things:

List of the headcanons that were used for the story:

Mirror headcanon, come from this post. Huge thanks for @izbiz12 for coming with this one.

Hal Jr. having a body comes from the idea of @blu193, which was the high inspiration to him give him a body.

Hal overworking himself is a common thing I found out scrolling in both Blu and Bear profiles, bring by IzBiz.

With “fresh scars” I really wanna implied that Shroomy already have some previous scars, another call back to Blu because she was the one who have the idea of Shroomy having scars for the bear encounter.

Junior being in scouts is actually an idea from Potato, which cool idea.

In the scene when Shroomy and Hal went to the office of the police officer, there was meant to be a scene where Shroomy looked at the picture frame that was on the desk, which was a family picture of Hal, his wife, and Junior. Cut off for unknown reasons.

Shroomy, Hal, Karen, Swag, and Chris being friends is a personal headcanon of mine. Also, Hal leaving Junior to Karen to take care of him is my favorite headcanon, and Brian and I share the same brain cell lmao.

Cozy and soft (BoMG1)

Purely made this because I was craving for BoMG1 content, thanks to this drawing I got inspiration as well, Brian marware fic which has the same concept.

It’s the shortest fic I made after a while, which was the main idea, didn’t want to do something long.

A few references to Glowing Eyes (again):

One got scared by Bob eyes.

Bob getting a copy of the apartment keys.

The mention of a broken window.

Nightmare and Comfort (BadgeHunter)

Idea that I got when I wake up at 7 am. Which the general idea was Hal comforting Shroomy about a nightmare/memory from his past.

This is time I used @bear-boi-5 headcanon about how the aftermath of the bite was. Nothing like Shroomy told in Mario Babies, of course.

I decided that Anti would have control of the body, mostly because he was the most affected of the accident for obvious reasons, also I love Anti, so I would used this opportunity.

I have to avoid mentioning any alcoholic drinks name, because I drink but I have zero idea what are they, soooo… yeah only beer was mentioned because is the one with less alcohol by volume, at least what this post say.

Anti laughing when he gets drunk, is actually based in one of the effects that happened to me.

The dynamic between Anti and Hal is quite complicated, considering the personality of Anti. They tolerate each other and they have to resolved their differences because of Shroomy and Hal hanging out more.

Important to say that after this, Anti would start having feeling for Hal after he understand what Shroomy see on him. Would this cause problems? Not sure, but until further notice, probably yes :)

— — — — —

Hahaha I just love yap about my fics and all the process behind them, is super fun and I actually wanna share this with all of you because you guys are cool and also there is a inspiration behind those stories.

Now, if you excuse I have to get back to do some stuff :]

[quietwingsinthesky]

sorry losing my mind thinking of millie in the context of lucifer’s other vessels it goes like

Nick: my wife that’s my wife that’s my wife that’s my wife and my god and everything that matters to me

Sam: Soulmates (It couldn’t have gone worse.)

Millie: My terrible roommate who just got out of a bad situation and won’t do his dishes 👍

[fatkish]

hello!!!

I was wondering if you could do a dadzawa x student! Reader who starves themselves and says they’re not hungry because they don’t really feel hungry at all if you get what I mean(s3 ep42)

So basically they js head off to bed once they get to the camp instead of eating and stuff and he’s concerned for their well being and yeahh. Sorry I’m not a really good explainer but I’d really appreciate it if you do this request it would mean a lot to me considering I am a person who sometimes unintentionally starves themselves

Anyways I hope you have a good rest of your day/night, and thank you once again!!

I totally get this. Due to my middle school experience, I went from having breakfast at around 7:00-7:30 am with lunch at around 11:00 am to breakfast at 6:30 am an lunch at 1:00 pm. This was horrible for me because I would sit in class with my stomach growling before lunch. It made me develop horrible eating habits, so I get it. Anyways, onto the story.

Aizawa x Student Reader (Platonic): Eating Habits

You and your class had just walked out of the forest after having spent hours making your way to the campsite, dodging and fighting Pixie-Bob’s earth monsters

Despite all this, you still weren’t hungry, you didn’t plan on eating and were planning to just take a bath and go to sleep

When Aizawa told you guys to grab your bags off the bus and put them away before heading to dinner, you grabbed your bag with everyone else and headed inside

You went into your shared room and set your bag down in your spot. You began to unpack, rolling out your bedding, getting it all made up

As everyone left to go eat, you decided to clean up and take a shower to get rid of the dirt from the day

Aizawa has always been observant, so he definitely had noticed how you rarely went to lunch to eat, you’d either nap, play games, or do your own thing in the classroom

There had been times he’d seen you eating your homemade lunch in the classroom away from others, so he assumed that you had an issue with eating around other people

When he didn’t see you eating among his other students, he assumed you were too shy to get food or perhaps too tired

So he went to find you and make sure you got food in you

When he found you and told you where the cafeteria was and to go eat, he was surprised and concerned to hear that you didn’t plan on eating and planned instead to take a bath and go to bed

Aizawa wasn’t so keen on this plan of yours

He asked you why, to which you replied that you weren’t hungry. He told you that that’s not good enough of a reason

He then gave you a lecture about how the body needs food especially with the training you’re going to be doing

He thinks that there may be more to this and hopes that the reader doesn’t have some kind of eating disorder

He decides to go get the reader a small plate of food and bring it to them

Once he does, he tells them that he wants to see them eat what’s on the plate and then he’ll let them sleep after that

Aizawa isn’t one to budge from this so you eat the food. Upon seeing you slightly struggle he decides to sit down and try to talk to you

As you talk to him, he asks if there’s a reason why you have a hard time eating

You tell him you’re just not hungry

He asks if you’re bulimic or anorexic or have some kind of underlying issue that has caused this

Seeing where his thoughts were going you quickly and throughly reassured him that you just have a hard time eating when you aren’t hungry

Throughout the camp, Aizawa makes sure to keep an eye on you and lets you take a break to eat whenever you do get hungry

He may be strict, but his number one priority is to make sure his students are taken care of

[captain039]

PART 3 He’s Grumpy, I’m sunshine

Alpha!Logan x omega!reader

Warnings: AOB, age gap (legal), light swearing, grumpy/sunshine, anxiety, mental health issues, violence, torture, plus size reader, medication usage for anxiety, depression and sleeping, heat pills, scent blockers

Set at Charles school

Your mutation: fire creation and control

Previous Part <-

You can’t get the alpha off your mind. You’re struggling to focus, struggling to do most things without day dreaming or trying to spot him in the crowd. You felt horrid for what you did to him, no amount of apologising could ever make up for how you burned him. He just sat there though and healed right before your eyes. It didn’t make it any better though. You were off to see Jean, you couldn’t continue like this, you needed time off, where you’d go you have no idea. You walk in rushed and stall again when you see Logan. You turn to leave but Logan’s voice stops you.

“Got a mission, Charles himself requested we go” he says and you frown a little.

You’re given a few days to get ready, you talk to Professor Hank about some way to control your flames or stop them if it was possible. He was hesitant but you begged him and he gave you a serum. You packed your things, packed the serums safely along with brining too many anti-heat and scent blockers. The mission was to look into an underground organisation going on with Mutants. Why the hell Charles asked you to be here you don’t know. You traveled via train into the city then rented a car to head to the town, then booked a motel nearby.

“Here” Logan said handing you a small file and you frown but read it.

Apparently there had been rumours around a bar just outside the town with an underground fighting ring, specifically for fighting mutants. The Government did work with Professor Charles you’re pretty sure, but Logan was the big guns you guess.

Logan hadn’t said a word as you settled down into the motel, hopefully he couldn’t pick up on your anxiety. He left with a small explanation, something about food before he closed the door and you sighed sitting on one of the singles. Why you couldn’t be in your own room was confusing, you went to rent two but he said one with a stern look. You unpack the serum Hank gave you staring at the needles, you hate needles. Hank said to only take it at night just before bed. You quickly hide them when a car pulls up and Logan walks back in with two small bags of food. You eat in silence, glancing to the alpha every few minutes wondering why he was so damn quiet.

“Why’d you bring me?” You ask trying to get conversation as he raises his eyebrow and looks to you.

“Because” he says and you give him a huff.

“Because, isn’t answer” you say.

“Is for me” he looks back to his food and continues eating, end of conversation you guess.

You take a shower just before bed, bring in a change of clothes, toiletries and hiding the serum and your medication in between them. You finish your shower, dry off and stare at the serum, it was for safety, everyone’s safety. You pick the needle up feeling your heart pound in your ears. Hank said to just inject it like a vaccine in the upper arm. A knock at the door comes and you drop the syringe, thankfully back in the small pouch.

“Just a minute!” You call.

“I smell your anxiety from out here” Logan calls and you huff.

“Then cover your nose!” You don’t mean to back talk, but he isn’t helping the situation.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“Mind your business” you say and hear him scoff lightly. You frown as the lock clicks open and he opens the door, a single claw extended before he sheaths it. You’re too in shock to say you’re not dressed as he stares a little wide eyed before his eyes trail to the pouch behind you.

“They’re serums! Hank gave them to me I’m not-“ you struggle with words and shaky hands.

“It’s to dull my mutation” you say.

“Like how you dull your scent?” He snarls a little and you frown confused before he realises what he said.

“Forget it” he growls and closes the door harshly making you jolt. What the hell?

You don’t take the serum, just awkwardly shuffle in your nicest PJ’s and get ready to go to bed. Logan’s outside, smoking, same hard strained look on his face. You get under the covers and sigh as the door opens and he walks back in. You mutter a small goodnight but don’t get a response, oh well.

You wake up to shaking and shot upwards hands out to whatever’s in front of you. Logan hisses and you realise it’s him and your hands are on fire and you’ve touched him.

“I’m so sorry! Oh-“ you retract your hands seeing the red burn marks you left on his naked chest. They heal though and you can’t help but stare, it’s amazing to watch.

“What happened?” You asked checking to see if anything else was on fire.

“You were making noises” he grunts.

“Don’t all people mumble when they sleep?” You question wondering why he woke you up.

“Upset, scared noises” he clarifies and you make a small ‘oh’ sound. You keep your eyes on your hands where they rest on the blanket.

“You really shouldn’t be near me” you half joke half don’t.

“I said you wouldn’t hurt me” he says voice surprisingly softer and you scoff.

“I can hurt you” you say looking to where your burns were.

“I’ve had metal injected into my skeleton” he says and you look to his face in horror. He unsheathes his claws.

“These were bone once” he comments and you stare at them before he retracts them. You wish you could smell his scent this close, nothing but dulled alpha. You feel your shoulders sag at the thought and look to your hands again.

“Did I wake you?” You ask quietly looking back to him as he looks at the window.

“Was already awake” he says with a small shrug.

“Oh, you ok?” You asks and he looks back to you. You look at each other for a while, your cheeks heat and you fidget a little before he gets up and moves.

“Go back to be sleep” is all he says going back to his bed.

Next part ->

[jezabelle9299]

Moving day S.R x fem! reader

Overture- Reader is moving into a neighborhood where a serial killer is hunting down women living alone, so when the FBI shows up on her doorstep she gets assigned protective custody from one Dr. Spencer Reid

*Includes references to season 1 episode 18 "Someone's watching" but this is season 3 or later

You were finally getting space away from your family, you’d finally saved up enough. You were able to actually buy a small house, as a mortgage payment ended up being cheaper than rent. You may be living it up in a two bedroom now, but you were no heiress. Movers were out of the question, you rented a small moving truck and set out to do a 24 hour moving day. You’d painted, picked up all of your second hand furniture, all of your packed boxes, and changed the locks. You’d just finished moving the first set of boxes inside when a black suv pulled in behind you in the driveway. An older gentleman came out and made a beeline towards you, with a man that looked like he could be his son trailing behind him. 

“My name is Agent Rossi, and this is Dr. Reid, we’re with the FBI. We’d like to ask you a few questions.” You’d lived here a minute and a half and federal agents were knocking on your door. Your mother would have a stroke if you told her, so you focused on the younger guy who was about your age instead of letting your mind spiral with the possibilities of why they’re here. 

“Sure, what can I do for you?” Your attention was pulled from the Dr. Reid, who’d yet to speak, when his colleague spoke up again. 

“Can we come in?” The last thing you wanted was strangers in your house, but they had badges so you felt like you couldn’t realistically say no. Plus they could at least help you unload a couple of boxes while they talked. 

“Sure, but everyone needs to grab a box first, I’m on a bit of a tight timeline.” 

“Understood.” They each grabbed a box, and you did a small internal celebration that they grabbed the boxes of books you’d been dreading carrying inside. You grabbed one of the smaller ones, full of clothes instead. Once you arrived you sat down on the arm of your couch, gesturing for them to sit on the two chairs you’d picked up earlier that day. 

“Thank you for getting those, I appreciate it. What can I do for you?”

The younger man spoke up for the first time since he’d been there. “We were hoping you could answer a few questions for us about the neighborhood.” 

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I can help you. Unfortunately the moving boxes aren’t really for decoration. I’ve lived here for less than a day.” 

“We actually think you could be in a unique position to help, because you haven’t lived here long.You would be more acutely aware of the behavior of your neighbors because you aren’t used to it.” 

“Alright, then by all means, ask away.” The younger man asked almost all of the questions, with the older Agent Rossi taking diligent notes in his notepad. He started with questions of your interactions with your neighbors, but then shifted to the crime that brought him there. Someone had been targeting young women who lived alone in the few blocks surrounding your house. 

“Would you be comfortable coming to the station to be put in protective custody?” You’d say yes in a heartbeat if it was any other day. Especially if it meant being in Dr.Reid’s orbit. You weren’t big into dating, yet there was something–compelling about him. But this was quite possibly the busiest day you’d had in the last year. 

“No, I’m sorry but I can’t. I’ve still got boxes to unpack, furniture to put together, I can’t just pick up and leave.” 

“Understood. Give us just one second.” Agent Rossi chimed in, pulling Dr. Reid aside while you checked your phone. Well, mostly staring at the homepage while eavesdropping on their hushed conversation. They were terrible at whispering.

“Why don’t you stay here with her? You can help us over the phone if we need it, and she fits the victimology.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. She’s a little bit distracting. Maybe you should stay with her.”

“That’s exactly why you should stay with her, have you seen the way she looks at you? I swear she wouldn’t even notice I was here if I didn’t talk first.”  

The young man eventually relented, although he still seemed a bit pouty about the whole thing. Then Agent Rossi turned his attention back to you, and you pretended not to have been eavesdropping on the whole thing. You couldn’t tell if he was buying it.

“How would you feel about Dr. Reid offering you protective custody here? You could go about your business, Dr. Reid would just keep an eye out for you.” 

“Yeah that’d be fine, if he’s ok with it? It certainly won’t be interesting, you know, unless someone does decide to kill me.” He paled for a second before realizing it was a joke. You nudged him with your elbow, and then he finally let out a shaky exhale. Not really a laugh, but you’ll take it. Agent Rossi just gave you a smile and pat Dr. Reid on the shoulder. 

“You kids have fun.” Then when the door was mostly closed behind him, he opened it back up to say “Not too much fun.” before laughing to himself all the way to the car. You pulled the tape off of one of the boxes before unloading some of your books onto the shelves you put up that morning. 

“So Dr. Reid, what favor did you owe him to get stuck with me? Did you lose a bet or something?” 

“You–uh, you can just call me Spencer, and why would you think I wouldn’t want to be here?” 

“Why would you? I mean, it must be exciting being in the FBI and all, if it were me I wouldn’t want to babysit a fully grown adult.”

“It’s not babysitting, and I’m happy to be here.”

“Well that’s very sweet. But you're about to regret every life choice that’s led you to this point.” His face stiffened with confusion at that before you laughed teasingly. 

“We have to move my mattress out of that truck. Since you’re here, I’d love to get out of dragging it on a tarp outside.” He actually laughed at that, and you were grateful you could get an actual laugh from him with that stupid of a joke. Maybe you had a chance with him after all. 

You’d just managed to get the mattress on the boxspring in your room, barely. You crashed down onto it in celebration and exhaustion. 

“This is the fruit of our labor, and for that I thank you. I think this calls for a drink.” You jumped back up and bounced to the kitchen, with Spencer trailing slowly behind you, still trying to catch his breath. You continued talking to him down through the hallway. “I’m not big into actual drinking so I don’t have any alcohol, but I have water, orange juice, and coffee I think.” 

He breathed a sigh of relief at the fact you’d stop going for a second. Before unloading your mattress you unpacked 3 boxes, and unloaded 6, while he could only struggle to keep up. You even found the energy to make conversation while you did it, and he was panting by the end, attempting to talk and lift. He’d never struggled to talk before. Every once in a while he needed to take a break from helping you to help the team, with them calling for whatever random information he could give, yet he was still lagging behind you with every trip back outside. 

“Coffee sounds amazing.” He figured the coffee maker was already set up, with the energy you had, you'd have to have more than he did. And he had 4 cups this morning. 

“Coming right up!” His relief at your pause in momentum was short lived. You made your way back to the living room and started shifting through boxes again. 

“What are you looking for? I thought you wanted to take a break.” 

“The coffee maker, it’s in one of these boxes, I just can’t remember which one. I mostly use it when I have guests.” You peaked his interest with that, there was no way that you just had all this motivation. It was humanly impossible. 

“Do you usually order yours? Or do you have a preference for energy drinks?”  Then you found the box holding the coffee machine and cut it open, laughing just a little bit to yourself at his interrogation-like line of questioning over something so simple. 

“Neither, I’m just not super into it. All of this annoying is 100% natural.” You plastered a cheesy smile on your face as you turned to him, coffee pot in hand. He just furrowed his brow in confusion. 

“I don’t think you’re annoying, but your relentless energy is interesting.” 

“Well thank you, Spencer. I don’t think I have creamer, but I definitely have sugar, so I hope that’s ok?” 

“Sugar is perfect, thank you again.” 

“Of course, thanks for helping me with that mattress, and you know, the whole bodyguard thing you’ve got going on.” You got down one of the mugs you’d recently put away, before passing it, filled with coffee, along with the sugar to Spencer.

“I’ve got to return that truck as soon as we get everything out of it, but I can pick up some food on the way back? And I’ve got movies in one of these boxes. You’re welcome to pick something, I like everything in there.” He chugged the coffee in his hand before moving with you toward the door. 

“Sorry, but protective custody only works when I’m close to you. So as long as you’re still ok with it, I’ll go with you. Also there’s no way I’m letting you pay for dinner after intruding on your space all day.” 

“Alright, then we’d better get started, the sun’s setting soon, and I hate the idea of driving that thing at night.” He gave a short nod and followed you out. You got the rest of the boxes, returned the truck, and picked up your car from the lot. When you went to pick up dinner Spencer, true to his word, insisted on paying. You sat on the floor and ate off the box your coffee table came in, deciding to put it together another day. When you cleaned up and finished unpacking your boxes of books and dvds you told Spencer he could pick a movie. He chose the one sci-fi flick from your collection, and you were not at all surprised. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You weren’t quite sure when it happened. When you had moved to the couch, when you had offered to share a blanket with Spencer, or when you ended up falling asleep propped against his arm, the energy you had all day finally exhausted. The movie was long since forgotten when his phone rang and he answered in a whisper, not realizing the ringtone had already woken you up. 

“Hey Morgan, what’s up?”

“Hey kid, we found him, so you’re free to go. Unless of course, you’d like to stay.” You could hear the teasing tone in his voice even through the phone.

“What are you talking about?” 

“Oh forget it, Rossi already told everyone. Look, we’re not leaving until tomorrow morning. Just be at the station at 5 to pack up before we go, now go and make me proud.” You assumed he hung up with the way Spencer let out a long sigh before putting his phone back in his pocket. 

“Everything ok?” You mumbled out, alerting Spencer to the fact you were awake and continuing to stay propped against him for your own benefit, before leaning up to stretch and be able to look him in the eye. 

“Everythings fine, we found the person we were looking for, so we’re headed back to Virginia in the morning.” There was an air of sadness to his response, so you thought back on what the other agent said. 

“I know you probably have to get back, but it’s late and you’re welcome to stay here if you like.”

“I really couldn’t, it’s not only an imposition, but really inappropriate. There’s this concept called transference, essentially it’s where you project affectionate feelings onto people who are helping you, or hold some position of authority. I can’t possibly take advantage like that.” He shuffled to get up from your couch, straightening his clothes and grabbing his things to put them in his leather bag. 

“If you don’t want to, that's totally fine, but I wasn’t in danger. It was realistically babysitting more than anything, no one came after me, and nothing bad happened. Also, no offense, but I don’t really think of you or your friend from earlier as ‘Authority’. You’re like my age, and it’s not like you’re cops or anything. You’re federal agents, which is cool and all, but I’m not a murderer, so it’s not like I’m intimidated by you. I like you, but I’m not intimidated by your authority.” He couldn’t quite form a response, and his thoughts were swimming with the fact that he’d been assigned protective custody by himself twice and he ended up in this situation twice. I mean what are the odds. You were nothing like Lila though, with her he felt nervous all the time, but it was so easy spending the day with you. 

“You like me?” He was genuinely shocked, and you feigned exasperation, with an over dramatic eye roll, and a cheesy smile. 

“Yes I like you. It wasn’t exactly an accident that I fell asleep on you, and continued to stay there after your ringtone woke me up.” He allowed himself a shocked smile, he wanted to keep his emotions neutral so as not to pressure you, but he couldn’t contain this. 

“Could I maybe get a response? I’m feeling a bit vulnerable here.”

“Sorry— yes of course I like you. I mean, have you seen you? You’re quite possibly the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. I’ll stay if you’ll still have me, but I’m sleeping on the couch.”

“What a gentleman–” Just as you were about to tell him that sleeping on the couch was a terrible idea with his height, his phone rang again. 

“Reid.”

“Hey Spence, there’s a problem. We aren’t getting that break after all, and we need to get going now. We’ll brief you on the plane, but we need to go. Now.” 

“Alright, I’ll be there soon. Thanks JJ.” He looked at you reluctantly after he hung up. 

“I have to go, but I really want to see you again. Would–Would that be ok?” 

“Of course it would Spencer, I’m just a phone call away.” You pulled out one of the post-its you were using to label boxes and scribbled your number on it. 

“Also at the very least, you know where I live.” You laughed, and he did more of a shaky sigh while shaking his head at you. You opened the door for him, and said your goodbyes, wishing him good luck on whatever it was he was about to do. 

You didn’t need to wait by the phone long, with him calling you to set up your first date that evening. It was a short drive from Quantico to your house, so he was hopeful about his new relationship. He just hoped this would be the last time you needed protection. He’d be there, and he just hoped that was enough for now. 

[bullet-prooflove]

Three Things Prompt Game! for Ryan of Yellowstone

Ryan Yellowstone + fireworks, dog, blanket

Tagging: @kmc1989 @trublu2u @yousigned-upforthis @queenslandlover-93 @ladychaos1525

Companion piece to:

Romantic Shit - Ryan and you talk about Texas.

Texas - Ryan and you see each other for the first time in three months.

Summer (NSFW) - Ryan enjoys a moment with you in the summer sun.

Ryan finds out the two of you have a dog when he gets home from his six month secondment in Texas to find a Belgian Malinois, snoozing in a dog bed near the fireplace, his blanket tucked over him. He’s not sure whose more surprised in that moment, him or the dog.

“Are we taking care of him for someone?” He asks you when you get home from work and the expression on your face tells him everything he needs to know.

“You did say you hated the thought of me being here in my own after what happened to Gina.” You remind him as he and Briscoe track you through the house, hovering in the laundry room as you begin to unpack your gear bag.

“I meant without me, your person.” He informs you, his arms crossed over his chest as you stuff everything into the machine. Briscoe sits alongside of him, head tilted up, watching the exchange between the two of you.

“Ryan…” You say firmly with your hand on your hip. “I know you’re not mad about the dog.”

“No, I’m…” He struggles to find the words as his palm rubs over the scruff of his beard. “…I’m worried about what comes after the dog.”

“After the…” You repeat before understanding dawns on you. “You mean a baby?”

“We never talked about having kids.” He reminds you as he reaches down and scratches behind Briscoe’s ears. “Texas came up and we decided to get married, we never really talked about anything beyond that.”

“Oh.” You say because he’s right. The two of you had been so focused on what was right in front of you, you hadn’t been looking five years, ten years down the line. “I don’t… they’re not really for me.”

“Oh thank fuck.” He mutters and you can see the tension flooding from his body as his shoulders relax. “I thought the dog was your way of telling me you were ready for one.”

“God no.” You tell placing a hand over your heart. “Briscoe was retiring and nobody else could take him, they were talking about putting him down and I couldn’t let that happen. He has canine PTSD from the shit he’s been through, loud noises like fireworks scare the hell out of him so they couldn’t have him in the field anymore.”

“Oh Briscoe.” Ryan says as he crouches down to the dog’s level and uses both hands to ruffle his furry cheeks. “Welcome to the family bud, we’re all a little bit messed up.”

Briscoe woofs his response to Ryan’s antics, his tongue lolling out of his mouth and you can’t help but smile, because this right here, this is your family, the only one you want.

Love Ryan? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[overrboarrd]

sanctuary [3]: kick off

firefighter!roman reigns x azure clarke [oc]

warnings: brief mention of spousal loss, light drinking, lots of football

word count: 5.5k

a/n: hello my beautiful peoplee <3 sorry this update kept getting pushed back, i've been annoyingly busy these past couple weeks. this chapter is a chill one, but i really hope y'all like it! the next update may be delayed a couple days cause my birthday is next weekend and i'll be outsideee 🤪 but yeah, i appreciate y'all always! thanks for reading <3

Azure stood at the kitchen counter, pulling a few dishes from the small box she had finally decided to unpack. It wasn’t much—just some mugs and plates—but it felt like progress. The morning sunlight streamed in through the window, casting a warm glow over the bare kitchen. She leaned against the counter, staring at the mess of cardboard and packing paper, absentmindedly turning over a mug in her hand.

She pulled out a few plates, stacking them on the counter, then paused when her phone rang. With a soft smile, she picked up the phone and answered, cradling it between her ear and shoulder. “Hey, Jade.”

“Hey girl! You settled in yet or still living out of boxes?” Jade teased, her voice bringing a bit of comfort to Azure’s morning.

“Definitely still in the 'living out of boxes' phase,” Azure laughed lightly. “I’m unpacking the kitchen right now, but it’s dragging.”

“Ugh, I hate unpacking,” Jade groaned. “But you doing okay? I’m sorry I didn't call sooner, my father in law’s birthday was this past weekend, and you know how Reggie is when it comes to going to his parents’ house.” 

A soft smile spread across Azure’s face, “It’s okay sis.” Her teeth captured her bottom lip in contemplation. “I’ve actually met a few people,” Azure admitted, trying to sound casual, but she knew Jade would pick up on any hesitation in her voice.

“Oh? Do tell.”

“Just some neighbors. They helped me move some boxes.”

“That’s good!”

 “Yeah, they’re... really nice. Two guys, twins, Jimmy and Jey. Invited me to a cookout later on today.” 

“Wait, twins? And they already invited you to a cookout?” Jade teased, a playful edge to her tone. “That sounds promising.”

“It’s not like that,” Azure laughed. “They’re really nice but definitely married. And then… there’s their cousin,” she hesitated. “Roman.”

“Okay…” Jade’s voice trailed. Azure swore she could hear a hint of a smile as Jade continued. “Tell me more about this Roman guy.”

“We talked a little. He welcomed me to the neighborhood, but I think I might’ve rambled. I was telling him about my day at work, how Dr. Rollins pulled me aside because I was running late.”

Jade hummed thoughtfully. “And?”

“And, well… I don’t know. Roman just seemed kind of tense when I mentioned Dr. Rollins. I might’ve made things awkward.”

“Girl, you did not make it awkward. You were just trying to spark up a conversation, right? You haven’t talked to new people in a while… it’s going to feel a little weird. But that doesn’t mean it was bad.” Jade’s voice softened, offering the kind of encouragement Azure needed. “Maybe he’s just one of those quiet shy guys, you know?”

“Maybe,” Azure said, biting her lip. “It’s just—I don’t know. It felt like I was rambling, and he didn’t say much.”

“Azure, stop,” Jade said firmly. “You’re doing great. You’re starting to meet people, and that’s good. Just because it wasn’t a perfect conversation doesn’t mean you blew it.”

Azure sighed, knowing Jade was right but still feeling that small nagging doubt. “Yeah, I guess.”

“And what’s this about the cookout?” Jade’s tone shifted, playful again. “Are you going?”

“I don’t know if I should. Jey and Jimmy invited me, but I feel like it might be too soon, like I don’t really know anyone well enough to go.”

“That’s exactly why you should go! You’re invited, Azure, and it’s a cookout. You’ll meet more people, and it’ll give you a chance to see Roman again. Maybe even smooth out any awkwardness from yesterday. Come on, you gotta go.”

Azure leaned against the counter, cracking a few of her knuckles. “I don’t know…”

“No ma’am. No excuses. You’re going. Next time you see the twins, tell them you’re coming,” Jade insisted.

After a long pause, Azure sighed with a small smile. “If I see them, I’ll let them know I might be there.”

“I guess that’s better than nothing. You’ll have a good time, I promise.” Azure heard Jade exhale a deep breath before she continued. “Azure...” Jade’s voice softened, “I know it’s scary. You’ve been through so much, and it makes sense that you’d want to protect yourself. But you can’t close yourself off forever. You deserve happiness, too. And maybe that happiness is waiting for you in this new place, with these new people.”

Azure’s eyes stung with tears. She hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear that. “It’s just... hard. Every time I think I’m ready to start over, it feels like…” A lump starts to form in her throat. “Like I’ll forget about him.”

“You’re not going to forget about Derrick,” Jade said firmly. “You’re honoring him by finding a way to live again.”

Azure swallowed, her emotions swirling. “Thank you for that sis.”

“Of course girl,” Jade said, her voice lightening. “And remember, I’m always here if you need to talk, okay?”

“Thanks, Jade. I really appreciate it.”

After they hung up, Azure looked at the small kitchen box she hadn’t quite finished unpacking. Jade was right; she needed to put herself out there, even if it felt strange and unfamiliar. Jade’s words echoed in her mind, but the fear remained. She had come here to start over, but every step toward something new felt like she was leaving pieces of herself behind. She wanted to blend into the newness of this place, to feel the laughter, the warmth, the life around her. But what if it hurt too much? 

What if joy felt like a betrayal? 

Could she really open herself up again?

The thought of Roman tugged at her, though she quickly brushed it aside. 

Azure strolled out to the front porch. With a sigh, she pocketed her phone and made her way to the car; the gentle warmth of the Pensacola morning wrapping around her like a light blanket. The street was quiet, a slight breeze rustling the trees overhead as she unlocked the car and leaned in to retrieve a bag of things she had left the day before.

As she pulled the bag out, she heard the familiar rumble of a car engine from across the street. Glancing up, she noticed Jimmy pulling into the driveway at Roman’s house. He hopped out first, his usual energetic self, followed by a woman she recognized but had never formally met. Jimmy’s wife, she assumed, was stunning, her dark hair framing her face perfectly as she moved with an easy confidence.

Jimmy noticed Azure first. He waved enthusiastically before leaning over to say something to his wife, who looked in Azure’s direction and smiled. 

“Aye, Azure!” Jimmy called out, his voice warm and friendly as always.

Azure froze, caught in his enthusiasm. She smiled politely and gave a small wave. “Hey, Jimmy.”

Without missing a beat, Jimmy nudged the woman, and the two of them started walking across the street toward her. “Thought we’d come say wassup before we head inside,” he flashed her a grin.

“Hey, I’m Naomi. We haven’t officially met, but I’ve seen you around.” Naomi smiled brightly, her energy as vibrant as her husband’s. Azure nodded, feeling a bit of the tension ease as she introduced herself. “Yeah, I’ve seen you, too. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Naomi’s eyes sparkled, and she gave a quick glance toward Roman’s house. “We’re getting ready for the cookout at Jey’s, and Jimmy mentioned you might be coming?”

Azure shifted her weight slightly, unsure how to respond. “Yeah...I was thinking about it.”

Jimmy chuckled, nudging Naomi with his elbow. “What’d I tell you? She’s still on the fence.”

Naomi swatted his arm, turning her attention back to Azure. “You should come. It’s gonna be fun—nothing too big or formal. And Jey always makes sure everyone feels welcome.”

Azure bit her lip, feeling a mix of nervousness and uncertainty. “I appreciate the invite. I guess I just feel... out of place since I don’t really know anyone yet.”

“You won’t be out of place at all.” Jimmy chimed in again, his tone playful but sincere. “We all family. Besides, if you ever need someone to talk to, you got us.”

Naomi seemed to sense her internal debate. “Hey, no pressure. If you decide to come, we’d be happy to see you. If not, there’s always the next one.”

Azure glanced down at the bag in her hands, weighing her options. She didn’t want to keep feeling like she was isolating herself, not after Jade had basically given her an entire pep talk over the phone.Yes, it was just a cookout, just an afternoon with her neighbors. But it was more than that. It was a choice, a small crack in the armor she’d built around herself, a chance to remember how to belong again. Finally, she took a breath and looked back up at Naomi and Jimmy. “You know what, I’ll come. I could use some fun.”

“Great!” Naomi’s face lit up. “You won’t regret it, I promise.”

“Yeah, we’ll have a good time,” Jimmy added with a wink. “Glad you’re coming.”

Azure felt a weight lift off her shoulders. It wasn’t much, but agreeing to the cookout felt like a step forward. “Thanks y’all, I’m looking forward to it.”

“Here, give me your number.” Naomi said, pulling out her phone. “That way, if you need anything or want to come over early, you can text me.”

Azure quickly rattled off her number, feeling more at ease while Naomi typed it in and smiled.

“Alright, we’ll let you get back to it,” Jimmy said, giving her a quick wave before heading back to Roman’s with Naomi.

“See you later!” Naomi called over her shoulder with a friendly smile.

Azure watched them go, feeling lighter as she stood by her car, a small smile tugging at her lips.

Roman stood in the doorway of Audrey’s room, watching her small figure nestled under the covers. The soft rise and fall of her breathing filled the quiet space. A faint smile tugged at his lips as he leaned against the doorframe, taking in the sight of his daughter. She always slept so peacefully, a contrast to the whirlwind of emotions and responsibilities that often swirled around them.

He took another sip of coffee from his mug, savoring the warmth. His mind drifted back to his conversation with Azure the night before. She’d been so open, talking about her day at work and how Seth had checked in on her. Her words replayed in his mind: “He pulled me into his office just to make sure I was adjusting okay.”

A familiar tension crept into his chest, his grip tightening around the mug. Rollins. Even just hearing his name brought up old resentments, ones he hadn’t realized were still buried so close to the surface. But this wasn’t Azure’s fault; she didn’t know the history, and she definitely didn’t need to bear the weight of it.

The sound of soft footsteps broke his thoughts, and Roman looked down just as Audrey appeared at the doorway, rubbing her eyes.

“Mornin’, angel,” he murmured, setting his mug down on the side table. He scooped her into his arms, her tiny body warm and heavy with sleep, her head nestled against his shoulder.

“Morning, daddy,” she mumbled, still half-asleep.

He ran a gentle hand over her back. “Did you sleep okay?”

She nodded, her cheek pressed against his shirt. “I dreamed about Uncle Jey’s dog. He was chasing Kitty around the house.” A little giggle escaped her, and the sound brought a lightness to his chest he didn’t realize he’d needed.

“Oh yeah?” Roman chuckled, hugging her tighter. “You think Kitty’s ready for the cookout today?”

Audrey perked up, her eyes brightening as she pulled back to look at him. “Are we going to Uncle Jey’s?”

“Mhm. Uncle Jim and Auntie Naomi are comin’ over soon to grab some stuff for the party. You’ll get to see everyone.”

Audrey wriggled out of his arms, a new energy lighting her face as she ran back into her room, ready to find the perfect outfit for the big day.

A smile still lingered on his lips as he made his way downstairs, only to hear a knock at the back door. He set down his coffee as Jimmy strolled in, his familiar grin lighting up the kitchen, Naomi right behind him.

“Morning big uce!” Jimmy called, already heading toward the fridge. 

“Morning, Roman,” Naomi added warmly, giving him a quick hug before playfully swatting Jimmy’s hand away from the orange juice.

Jimmy leaned on the island, his grin unfazed. “Thought we’d swing by early, help you grab the cooler and some extra chairs for later.”

Roman nodded toward the garage door. “Should have everything in there, but let me know if you need an extra set of hands.”

“I’ll handle it,” Jimmy said, sauntering toward the garage.

Naomi took a seat on one of the barstools, resting her elbows on the counter as she looked at him with a curious smile. “You ready for today?”

“After all this work I’ve been doin’, I definitely need a break.” he admitted, but his thoughts wandered back to Azure, and the tug of their conversation lingered in his chest.

Naomi’s eyes sparkled knowingly. “Oh, by the way, Azure’s coming to the cookout.”

Roman looked up, surprised. “She is?”

Naomi’s grin grew wider, clearly enjoying his reaction. “Yep. She was hesitant, but I convinced her. Got her number and everything.”

He exhaled, trying to act indifferent, but his gaze softened. He hadn’t meant to come across as distant last night; he was just... caught off guard. The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable.

Naomi must’ve noticed his thoughtful silence because she placed a comforting hand on his arm. “Want me to help Audrey get ready?”

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Roman said, the slight edge in his voice fading away. “She’ll be excited to see you.”

As Naomi left, Jimmy returned with the cooler and a few chairs. He noticed Roman’s thoughtful expression and raised an eyebrow. “I was gone for two seconds, uce. What got you lookin’ like that?”

Roman shook his head. “Talked to Azure last night. She mentioned Seth.”

“Rollins?” Jimmy’s face shifted, his casual demeanor replaced with a more serious look.

“Yeah,” Roman murmured, the bitterness creeping back. “Can’t believe he’s still tryna charm his way around. She doesn’t know, though. She doesn’t know what went down with him… with the chief.”

Jimmy rubbed his chin, his gaze sharp. “You still holdin’ onto that?”

Roman didn’t answer immediately, instead staring at the floor. His muscles tightened with a memory he wished he could bury deeper. "It’s hard not to hold onto it," he said quietly. "You know what almost happened. That mess with the chief… my career was on the line. All because of him."

“Yeah, I remember.” Jimmy grimaced, the weight of the past hanging in the air. “But come on, that was years ago. You made it through. Hell, you got promoted after all that.”

“I know, but it wasn’t easy.”  Roman shook his head. “I had to work twice as hard to get back in their good graces. The way Rollins played it, he could’ve ruined me. I can’t  just forget that.”

Jimmy crossed his arms, leaning back against the counter. “Look, I get it. Seth fucked you over, no doubt. But that’s his problem now, uce. You moved on, and you been solid ever since. He don’t get to mess with your head every time his name comes up.”

Roman met his cousin’s gaze, his grip on the mug loosening. “It’s just… hearin’ her talk about him like that— like he’s some kind of good guy? I can’t stand it.

Jimmy grinned, a playful glint in his eyes. “You’re protective of her already, huh?”

“Not like that.” Roman’s voice was defensive, though he felt a flicker of something he couldn’t name. “She’s new. Tryna be neighborly, s’all.”

“Sure, uce.” Jimmy clapped a hand on his shoulder, bringing Roman back to the moment. “Just remember, today’s about family. Rollins can’t mess with that.”

A soft sigh fell from Roman’s lips, finally feeling a bit of the tension drain away. He nodded, letting Jimmy’s words settle over him.

As Jimmy took the cooler outside, Roman took a long breath, listening to the house come alive around him—the sound of Audrey’s voice drifting down the stairs, Naomi’s laughter mixing with it, and the faint hum of the van outside. Today was supposed to be about family, about finding peace in their little corner of the world.

But as the day unfolded, he couldn’t shake the feeling that seeing Azure again would bring more than he was prepared for.

The late afternoon sun bathed Jey’s backyard in a warm, golden light as the cookout got underway. Azure felt the humid warmth settle on her skin as the smoky, savory aroma of grilled ribs and burgers filled her senses. The laughter and familiar scent made the yard feel like a haven she hadn’t realized she needed. Picnic tables were scattered around, some with folding chairs and coolers brimming with drinks nearby. The end-of-summer air mixed with the distant sounds of football from the TV inside, made for the perfect backdrop to the Saturday afternoon. Kids ran across the grass, their voices blending into the hum of the adults chatting around them.

Azure arrived a little after two o'clock, gripping the strap of the small bag that hung over her shoulder. Her steps were careful as she approached the yard.  Her eyes scanned the familiar faces of Jimmy and Jey, who were already loud and welcoming, laughing as they teased each other near the grill. Watching Jimmy and Jey bicker lightheartedly made her smile, but a small pang of loneliness crept in, a reminder of the family gatherings she missed back home.

 Roman, she noticed, was there too. He leaned against the wooden fence a bit further back, but still near his cousins with a beer in his hand. As soon as Roman caught sight of her, he offered a small, friendly smile. It was a polite acknowledgment—nothing more, nothing less—but enough to make her stomach flip. She smiled back, feeling his eyes linger on her for a moment longer than needed, but he didn’t approach.  She quickly moved to Naomi, who was arranging plates and utensils on the table. 

“Hey, girl!” Naomi greeted her warmly, her bright smile infectious. “You made it! Jey was starting to think we’d have to send Jimmy over to drag you out the house.”

Azure laughed, feeling some of the tension melt away. “Ixnay the wellness check y’all, I‘m here in the flesh.”

“There you go!��� Jey happily chimed in from the grill, flipping a row of burgers with exaggerated precision. “Stick around—it's gon’ be a great time.”

Jimmy sidled up beside the women, grinning ear to ear. “And don’t forget the game! It’s the best part of the cookout. You watch football?”

“Here he goes.” Naomi shook her head smiling while she finished setting up.

Azure smiled sheepishly. “I might be a little into it. I usually watch a lot of the games with my dad.”

“Aye, that's what we like to hear!” Jey exclaimed, transferring some of the food off of the grill and into an aluminum pan. “We take football very seriously ‘round here.”

Naomi rolled her eyes, though the fondness in her voice was undeniable. “That’s one way to put it. These two are like little kids whenever football's on.”

As they continued to talk, Azure felt a little more at ease. She enjoyed the lighthearted banter between the twins and Naomi, appreciating how they welcomed her. Naomi, especially, seemed attuned to Azure’s hesitance and kept things easygoing.

Roman, who had been watching them from a few feet away, finally stepped forward, offering a drink. “Hey, Azure,” he said quietly, though his voice carried easily over the noise. “Glad you could make it.”

Azure looked up, meeting his gaze. “I almost didn’t.” She admitted, accepting the drink with a gentle smile. “Y’know, your family is very persuasive. But this,” she gestured to the yard, “It’s nice.”

“They are.” He gave a firm nod in agreement, though his tone remained soft. “And I get that. Sometimes, meetings’ new people feels… complicated.” His words carried a weight she understood, a vulnerability that was subtle but genuine.

“Yeah,” Azure replied, pausing as she gathered her thoughts. “Especially when the past tends to follow you wherever you go.

Roman’s eyebrows rose just a bit. “Yeah, exactly.” There was a moment of silence between them, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable. Instead, it felt like an unspoken understanding, a quiet space where words weren’t needed.

“So, yesterday-”

“Man what kind of play was THAT?!” The sound of Jimmy shouting at the TV drifted over from the back door of the house, interrupting Roman.

 Azure chuckled nervously, nodding in the direction of the commotion.

“They weren’t playing when they said they took football pretty seriously, huh?”

Roman let out a small laugh, glancing toward the house. “Oh yeah, it’s basically a family requirement. You’re either all-in or on the sidelines, and there’s no in-between. But-” 

“I think I’m gonna head inside, the game sounds like it’s getting pretty good.” Azure gently tapped her fingers against the glass bottle of her beer, cutting Roman off.

“Right,” he replied, her heart racing slightly as she stepped away from him, grateful for the excuse to avoid the conversation. I’ll see you in there?” 

“Yeah, definitely,” Roman cleared his throat, watching her with an intensity that made her pulse quicken.

•────────────────•

Inside the house, the game was in full swing, and Azure eventually found herself in the living room, drawn to the TV. She smiled as she watched the players race down the field, her heart speeding up with the game’s intensity. 

A little girl soon wandered over to her, eyes wide with curiosity as she plopped down beside Azure on the couch. "Are you watching the game too?" The girl asked, her voice small but full of interest.

Azure looked up, recognizing her immediately. Roman’s daughter. "I sure am.” Azure grinned. “Do you like football?"

Audrey nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! Uncle Jimmy and Uncle Jey always watch. Daddy watches sometimes too."

She hadn’t even noticed the little girl mimicking her movements, sitting cross-legged on the couch and watching the game with the same focused expression. It was hard not to smile at the sight.

"I bet your uncles get really into it, huh? They’re over there shouting louder than the TV." Azure smiled, her eyes flicking towards the open back door where the twins were already deep in a loud debate over a recent play. 

Audrey giggled, her eyes lighting up. “They do! Uncle Jimmy says the refs are ‘blind as bats,’ but I don’t know what that means. And Uncle Jey is always yelling.” Azure laughed as Audrey went on about her time with her uncles, with a mix of childlike intensity and joy.

Azure noticed Roman from the corner of her eye, catching his gaze for a brief second before looking away. Her heart raced, the conversation from the previous evening still lingered between them, but the last thing she wanted to do was embarrass herself even more.

“Aye, uce! You just gonna stand there and look moody all afternoon, or you gonna go inside with everybody?” Jey yelled across the yard.

“See.” Audrey added, causing Azure to to suppress a laugh.

Roman chuckled, shaking his head as he made his way over to the group. As he settled onto the arm of the couch next to Audrey, he glanced at Azure, the playful spark in her eyes meeting his own. 

“Think you’re stealin’ our cheerleader here.”

Azure raised an eyebrow. “Maybe she just knows a good team when she sees one.” She glanced down at Audrey, who giggled and nodded in agreement.

“Oh, I see how it is,” Roman said with mock offense. “Guess I’m just the backup then?”

“Looks like it,” Azure shot back, a glimmer of humor in her eyes. She relaxed against the couch, her hands resting on her lap as she kept a slight distance.

“Careful, Roman. You might lose your spot for good if she keeps this up,” Jimmy teased, settling in his own seat as he glanced at the game on the TV.

“I don’t know, uce.” Roman rested his arm on the back of the couch. “I think I can handle the competition.”

•────────────────•

Throughout the afternoon, Azure caught him watching her more often than she expected. Their eyes would meet and there he’d be—his gaze lingering on her, studying her. It’s just curiosity. She told herself. Just the same polite interest people held when meeting someone new, yet there was an intensity to it she couldn’t ignore.

As the sun began to dip lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the yard, the cookout started to wind down, with people moving inside to clean up or grab their last plates of food. Azure decided to stay behind in the kitchen to help clean up some of the dishes. She saw Roman out in the yard, gathering up plates and empty cans, her eyes following him as he stepped through the sliding glass door and joined her at the counter. The sound of clinking dishes filled the silence between them for a few moments before Roman spoke.

"Thanks for helpin’ out," he said, his voice low but sincere.

 "No problem. It’s the least I could do." Azure looked up, setting a plate back down in the sink.

“You mentioned Seth Rollins yesterday," he started, his jaw tightening slightly at the name.

“I didn’t mean to bring up anything uncomfortable...”

“It’s fine,” Roman paused, drumming his fingertips on the marble counter before continuing. “Let’s just say we had some...disagreements in the past.”

Azure’s gaze softened as she watched him, noting the tension that crept into his eyes. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too much,” she said gently, sensing the weight behind his words.

“It’s not that,” He stared down at the plate in his hand, his voice measured. “I just don’t want you gettin’ blindsided by him if he decides to get involved in anything…beyond work.”

She furrowed her brows, curiosity blending with concern. “Involved how?”

Roman lowered his voice before leaning against the counter, facing her. “Seth’s got a habit of getting close to people, making them trust him, and then…things go south fast if he doesn’t get his way.” His gaze flickered to hers, a shadow passing through his eyes before he glanced down.

“Sounds…complicated,” Azure chose her words with caution. She could sense this was something he didn’t open up about easily.

He shrugged, though a glimpse of hurt still lingered in his eyes. “Just be careful. I’m pretty sure you can handle yourself, but he’s… persuasive. And I wouldn’t want you caught up in his web.”

She nodded slowly.

Their eyes met, and for a moment, the room felt smaller, the noise from outside fading into the background. Roman’s gaze softened as he looked at her, a hint of something unreadable in his expression. “Just… watch out for yourself, alright?”

Azure’s voice softened in response. “I will.”

The intensity in Roman’s his expression faded to something warmer. “I have to admit,” he said, crossing his arms casually, “I didn’t expect you to be such a football fan. You might even give Jimmy and Jey a run for their money.”

Azure laughed, a sound that seemed to light up her whole face. “I don’t know about that. Those two are intense,” she replied, glancing toward the yard where the twins were laughing loudly and nudging each other as they sat at one of the tables, sipping their beers. “I just grew up around it, so it sort of stuck.”

“Oh yeah?” Roman raised an eyebrow, looking intrigued. “Your family must be football people then?”

“That’s definitely an understatement,” Azure nodded. “Every Sunday was a huge thing growing up. My dad’s a big fan of it, and I’d just sit there with him, getting into the game and the whole atmosphere.” Her eyes softened a little, lost in thought. “I guess it just… reminds me of home.”

Roman watched her carefully, noting the brief flicker of nostalgia in her eyes. “Well, you came across the right people,” he said, gesturing to the yard. “Between the twins and Audrey, they’re all in serious need of someone who actually knows what’s happening on the field. I swear Audrey’s been pickin’ up their bad habits.”

Azure chuckled, shaking her head. “She’s already got a bit of Jey’s attitude in her cheer, I can tell.”

He glanced back at the living room where Audrey was napping. "So you’ve converted my little girl to your team, huh?" he teased, still leaning casually against the counter.

Azure raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at her lips. “I can’t help it if Audrey has good taste. Besides, she was all in after a few plays.”

“I noticed.”  A bit of pride evident in his smile. “But I can't help but feel a little jealous that you stole her away from me today."

Azure placed a hand on her chest, playfully taking offense. “I would never! Maybe you should join us and see what it’s like to be on the winning side for once.”

Roman raised his hands in defense, playing along. “Oh, it’s like that, huh? Careful, you might just end up recruitin’ me to your team.”

Azure’s smirk softened, her eyes holding his for a second longer than she’d intended. She liked this playful side of him, a glimpse into something that felt less guarded. “Not sure you’re up for the challenge,” she shot back.

Roman chuckled, his usually stoic demeanor breaking with the smallest of smiles. “Tell you what,” he said, reaching into his pocket for his phone, “maybe next game day, you can give me some pointers. Since you’re so sure I’d lose.”

Her eyes widened slightly, the offer surprising her. She paused, then nodded, taking her phone out too. “Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” she said, her fingers hovering over her screen. “And if Audrey sticks to my team, you’ll know why.”

Handing his phone to her, Roman watched as she keyed in her number, a spark of warmth flickering between them. When she handed it back, he gave her a small nod, glancing down at the new contact saved on his screen. “Guess I’ll just have to work twice as hard to win her back,” he said, his voice low, but his smile hinted at a more personal admission.

 Azure gave him a playful side-eye, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

•────────────────•

Dear Brother I know I said I’d write to you sooner, but I keep finding it hard to put everything into words.  I feel a lot  worse than I let on, and it dredged up so much I’d been burying. I couldn’t take it anymore—the control, the way everything's been twisted to make me feel guilty. I thought putting distance would help clear my mind, but the past just won’t stay in the past. I hate feeling like this, and knowing that there’s nothing I can do to change it. Oh, and about that person I met a while back…it’s been…really good, actually. It’s comforting and freeing in ways I hadn’t imagined. And I didn’t realize how much I needed that until now. I think this might be something real, and that thought scares me but also excites me. You two would be the best of friends, I know it. I just wish you could be down here with me. I love you, always.

[queenhunter102]

Part 12

(PART 11) (PART 13)

He rubbed his hands down his face, and as he sighed, he pinched the bridge of his nose, he walked over kneeling beside you. “Come on let's get you up,” He says as he holds out his hands, you hesitantly take his hands as he pulls you up, bringing you over to the bed and sitting you down. Gaz walks over and lifts your jaw letting him get a good look at your face, he tilts your head side to side, up and down, and he hums as he counts the cuts on your face and the bruises. “Johnny-” Gaz says but is cut off by the med kit being waved in his face, Gaz sighs as he takes it, opening and tending to your wounds, “After you it’s me, who has the most medical knowledge,” He says, as you growl at him wiping at a scratch at your face. “Who say’s I any medical know-how?” You say, as you scrunch your nose tilting your head away from the wipe, Simon laughs from behind you “You’re from a Bio-Unit, an NBOC Bio-Unit you have medical Knowledge” He says. The boys fuss over you while Gaz cleans your cuts and scrapes, Johnny gently applies creams and plasters, while Simon and Alejandro eye your exposed skin for any bruising, with any bruising they do find they gently rub lotion onto it. This was probably the first time you had Alpha’s need to soothe your pains, you had seen it in shows as a kid and read about it in books, but you never experienced it, it was such an odd experience to see and feel such a fierce protection. John growled as he paced, your eyes flicking to him still not feeling like you were safe with him, “They are going to have to move in with us” He said, your head snapped up this time, your body becoming tense. “Why?” You growl out to him, you knew that you weren’t safe, you had heard of the Alpha pack's love bombing and then kidnapping omegas and turning them into breeders, but for a moment you thought not these Alphas, but you must have been wrong. “Why? They’re fine here are they not?” Alejandro asked when he noticed how tense you had become at John, “Captain Wells and his team will try again and next time it won’t be him and two of his boys” he said his eye shifting to the window looking outside. You huffed out of your nose, it scrunched tight “You think they would try and attack me here?” you ask, as you watch Johnny gently stick the last plaster onto your arm, giving it a gentle rub. Simon spoke “I wouldn’t put it past him,” he said sounding annoyed, you pouted as you looked around the room, so much had happened in such few hours and you wanted nothing but to sleep.

You huff angrily, as you run your hand over the soft fabric of the bed “I was just getting comfortable here” you mumble, wishing for nothing more than to sink under the sheets. Johnny crouches down beside your legs, coming into your view, “Don’t worry, we’ll make sure you’re comfortable at our barracks” he says trying to soothe you, You liked Johnny he was the sweetest one next to Gaz. Johnny stood up offering you his hand to pull you off the bed, you begrudgingly took it standing in front of him, Johnny and Gaz helped you pack what little you had unpacked, strapping it to their shoulders. You had never seen a pack of Alphas move as a group, as an omega you weren’t allowed or privileged enough to know, but you always assumed it made them look weird or like a pack of wanna-be-alphas. But the way they were so casual with how they kept you in their circle without them becoming a wall of muscle was mesmerising, Johnny held up the back of the group making sure you didn’t fall behind or was left without a friendly face. Simon and Gaz walked at your side, Simon walked two maybe three feet from you as you moved close enough to act if needed but far enough away where he didn’t look like he was a part of the group, Alejandro and John took up the head of the group. John and Alejandro walked and talked like they were in a heated debate about something, that something you assumed had something to do with you but you weren’t going to listen in on their conversation, despite you being nosey. Your eyes drifted across the base your eyes meeting a few of the soldiers dotted around the base, a few of them eyed you with lust and hunger in their eyes, you wondered how long many of them had gone without seeing an omega. but those who had a head on their shoulders avoided all types of contact with 141, some even went as far as turning their backs showing some submission. when the six of you arrived to their barracks they swung open the door revealing a neat barracks, beds set neatly in rows, you eyed each bed trying to figure out who belonged to which bed, not wanting to offend any of them by accidently claiming one of their beds. “ ’Mon Ven, Me and Alejandro will push some of the beds together” Johnny said, as he gently shuffled you up the walkway, Alejandro groaned as he walked behind Johnny, “Why me? You and Gaz have a better bond”. Johnny rolled his eyes as he guided you to a bed that had a little dog tag tied to it, you tilted your head at the tags, eyeing them, they weren’t the typical grey colour you were expecting but a bright orange colour with a deep blue on the other tag. “Johnny’s so Scottish that Irn-Bru sent him custom tags” Simon said, as he sat on his bed presumably, you nodded your head, in understanding. “Simon just because you can’t get Tango to send you custom tags, doesn’t mean you get to shit on me,” Johnny said, as he and Alejandro finished pushing some beds together, as they placed your bags onto the bed. TAGLIST: @astro-ghoul9, @prettykinkysoul, @ssc7514

(If you want to be a part of my tag list, check HERE for specifics)

[wenellyb]

Eddie Diaz is a white Latino. Did people learn nothing from the Pedro Pascal discourse? And does the fandom *not* remember that episode where the funeral protestor refuses to be tended by Hen and Chim, so he asks Eddie to give him care— fully seeing he’s white— until Eddie says his last name is Diaz and his father’s Mexican, but he can channel his mother’s Swedish heritage for the man’s comfort? White people are not members of the global majority, but they do live and exist outside Western Europe and the U.S. (like Mexico).

It’s so weird how parts of the fandom are making any positive reaction to a m/m relationship in this show (that isn’t their yaoi ‘buddie’ fanfiction) into something about loving to see white men kiss. Y’all would still be getting that with canon buddie! Y’all couldn’t even support Michael and Glenn (calling them “homewreckers”). Y’all constantly ignore Hen and Karen with your complaints of “queerbaiting.” Y’all also called TK & Carlos’ (911 Lone Star) relationship “toxic” because it began with sex and because y’all fanon Carlos as some aggressive control freak. Like… c’mon!

I don’t think anyone who is supportive of Buck’s new relationship is arguing that Tommy is perfect. He’s was a fucking dick to both Hen and Chim when they joined the 118. His “delivery man” comment to Chim was wildly unacceptable. No one has forgotten this. Yet both Hen and Chim are *NOW* good friends with him…? Why? He changed. And the show shows the audience this. They show that he developed a great camaraderie with Hen and Chim. They show how he— unlike Sal and Gerrard— shifted his behavior and worldview to accept, embrace, and enjoy change.

Tommy could have been Sal. He could have been Gerrard. He had a good working relationship with both men and both men encouraged bad behavior in the 118. Yet he didn’t. He stayed on and befriended Hen and Chim (when most of the other guys still refused). Because he chose to learn and change and open himself to people’s differences (which likely also helped him come to terms with his own “differences”).

Tommy’s arc is meant to show how someone can make amends, repair relationships, and become a better person (y’know… learn, grow, and reform himself). The general audience for this show is straight and white. They *need* to see white people changing and learning to be better. They *need* to see queer people coming into themselves. These are important story lines.

Fans like Buck and Tommy together because they like Buck and Tommy together, because they like what this means for them and what might happen going forward. That’s literally it. We’re all just overjoyed by having more queer representation, including Bi representation. That’s it.

But there are a lot of “buddie” shippers in people’s inboxes hating on Buck and Tommy together for no reason other than it stands in the way of their ideal porn fantasies (“buddie”). And they’re being weirdly queerphobic about it, too.

Hi Anon!!!! So much to unpack here. I'll post this and let anyone comment their thoughts because this is an interesting conversation.

I'll start by saying that it never occurred to me that Ryan Guzman was not White, until Bucktommy became more popular and some Buddie shippers said that Bucktommy shippers were preferring the White MM pairing and I was like "Hmm.... both Buddie and Bucktommy are White MM pairings"???? Like it never even occured to me.

I'm not here to debate Ryan Guzman's ethnicity, he knows that better than us, but as you mentionned people seem to forget that there are White latinos.

I should add that Americans will maybe have a different perspective but in Europe, there is racism, and there is also xenophobia both are bad, but not the same.

If I'm talking about someone who is White and Latino being a victim of prejudice, I would never say that they're victim of racism, I would say that he's victim of xenophobia.

Believe it or not there are a lot of Europeans are xenophobic but not racist and vice versa.

With that being said, I agree with the rest of your ask..

I love 911 Lone Star and watched 911 casually but I never got the Buddie shippers, especially the ones who said they shipped Buddie as a form of activism, or because there was a lack of Queer representation (which is true) but Henren are there, TK and Carlos are right there and it's the same franchise.

They never cared about Henren, they even erased them whenever they accused the show of Queerbaiting even thought it has several Queer characters.

I remember when they started complaining that Bucktommy had more fics that Henren after one kiss.... but never said anything about Buddie having over 20 000 fics after 6 years of nothing even thought Henren was canon.

A lot of their takes are rooted in hypocrisy, it's like they're taking all the arguments that have been thrown at them and throwing them back at Bucktommy shippers without even thinking about it.

It's very important to have discussion about fandom racism, because it's a huge issue especially in the biggest fandoms but I do feel like some of them are bringing the issue in bad faith. This discussion is so important but it needs to be had with the Bucktommy fandom AND the Buddie fandom. So far the Buddie shippers only want the Bucktommy shippers to have it.

Why don't they take a look at the mirror first and ask themselves why they never cared about a Black Lesbian couple when one of them was a Main Character. Why don't they ask themselves why a ship with 2 best friends has over 20000 fics and a canon ship that is TK and Carlos only have 7000.

And why do they find the weirdest excuses to hate on Carlos (as you said), who's clearly not White and never give him the same courtesy they give their fave White chatacters.

When Buddie shippers talk about fandom racism, all I can think is: the call is coming from inside the house.

[t0ast-ghost]

The last one… it’s been coming for awhile…

Here’s my thoughts on Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

(Spoilers for- well— everything)

- Before watching this movie I was trying to figure out why they chose this name and was told by my mom it’s a Shakespeare reference which.. I should have guessed

- “A Nicholas Myer Film” Cool! Now we know who to blame or bow to

- The music is so fucking intense I’m worried now

- I know Christopher Plummer is famous, I can’t place the face though and I want to say I know the name from the muppet show

- WAIT. Michael Dorn… WORF

- Wanna let y’all know that there was a guy (Harve Bennet) who wanted to create a completely different sixth movie that would’ve been more like a prequel where they recasted everyone to have an “academy era” movie with Kirk, Spock, and McCoy shenanigans. Gene Roddenberry didn’t fucking like that idea (cause only he knows how to cast apparently)

- explosion :)

- Teacup that tells you what ship you’re on. I now understand why everyone hates Quark trying to spread his own brand when Starfleet clearly is trying to push their own into every single crevasse

- HIII SULU HIIII

- It’s nice that they gave him the ship he kept saying he was hoping for in voyage home

- I won’t make a fart joke out of “gaseous planetary anomalies” and I definitely won’t say that Q did it

- DAMN NOT THE TEACUP. NBC Hannibal would fucking hate this movie

- Forgot how much I freaking love George Takei and I am so happy they gave him more stuff to do in this movie

- Falling… for about 7 seconds which is about 4 seconds more than normal

- Fairly certain that’s Janice Rand (5:32) (edit: it is! Hi Janice!!!)

- “We have no need for assistance,” and “Stay out of the neutral zone,” sounds like challenge

- Kirk says “What are we doing here?” STARRRING IN THE SIXTH STAR TREK MOVIEE BABEYYYY

- Scotty bought a boat, Uhura teaches seminars at the academy, I love hearing about their lives, keep going

- “Where’s Spock?” Asked in the saddest wettest voice. Kirk’s got his priorities straight. Er- well- not straight exactly but they’re there

- Them trying to hide that the “special envoy” is Spock when Kirk is sitting there looking at him like this

- Sorry babygirl not taking in any of that information. I am taking in those beautiful eyes tho <3

- Ooooh starting this one off with Kirk and Spock on opposite political sides

- Kirk being the one who has to offer the olive branch probably because Spock thought he could trust him to be on the side of peace (which was a miscalculation cause he’s probably still pretty angry with the whole “you Klingon bastards killed my son” thing…)

- “I remind you this meeting is classified” as everybody splits off into chattering gossip

- Kirk actually getting angry at Spock for “volunteering” them. The giant empty room with Kirk in the shadows and only Spock in the light (plus that random person standing in a dark corner for some reason) augh the mise en scène is wonderful

- I don’t even know how to unpack all that. Kirk so prejudiced against the Klingons (finally taking a more antagonistic stance) and saying “You should have trusted me” WHICH IS WHAT SPOCK HAS ALWAYS DONE. Because he trusted that Kirk would ultimately want peace no matter how battered and broken he became.

- They changed Spock’s ears, made the points more curved into themselves

- Why does every new lieutenant like quoting regulations to Kirk? How many does he just regularly break?

- OH FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY DOES HE LOOK OVER AT SPOCK SO SOFTLY

- I love how shape her hair is (draw it draw it draw it dammnit)

- Whenever creating a Star Trek movie you need someone on the production team who loves the ship departing from space dock scenes

- “I can never forgive them for the death of my boy.” Kirk says my boy

- Okay yes, Valeris should have knocked before entering his room but Kirk should also know to lock his door when he’s talking to his diary

- Why is Valeris so involved in this movie? First she’s talking to Kirk and now we’re following her to Spock’s? Strange (my guess. She’s evil.)

- “It is a reminder to me that all things end.” Like your life. Twice. Also that’s a nice sentiment and all but it’s so sad with the context that even his own original timeline ends

- “Logic is the beginning of wisdom, Valeris, not the end.” YEAHHH OLDER SPOCK he’s got a more balanced view on the world and himself

- OKAY I absolutely adore the costume design, especially for Gorkon. Like the golden clips in the hair? The red suit adorned with studs and the giant silver necklace?? The beard??? Amazing

- I like that there’s a “chief of staff” for the Klingons. It’s like the manager at a party city

- “They all look alike” BRO THEY MOST FUCKINGLY DO NOT

- I love the chief of staff being so confused over what the napkin roll thing is. I feel that.

- Ah yes my favourite meal. Blue. With a side of orange of course.

- “I offer a toast. The Undiscovered Country…” Welp. He said it. Time to wrap up the movie

- YEP ITS SHAKESPEARE BABEYYY (thank you Spock for saying that it’s Hamlet, act III, scene I, cause I didn’t wanna look it up)

- “You’ve not experienced Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Klingon.” Quoi???

- Spock actively trying to stop Kirk from starting a war

- I think this is such a good part where the Klingons are trying to state their worries. The gradual (or not so gradual) need for assimilation to be apart of starfleet. This is a particularly big problem for the Klingons because so much of their culture has been entwined with violence which Starfleet seems almost hellbent to take away. As well as hearing troubling language such as “human rights” thrown in their faces

- IM SORRY. Kirk. You didn’t. You didn’t just compare someone to hitler.

- Spock looks actually so fucking pissed at Kirk

- “If there is to be a brave new world, our generation is going to have the hardest time living in it.” Gorkon dropping all the good lines

- McCoy just standing there adjusting his outfit and looking like the most tired man alive

- “I’m going to sleep this off.” “I’m going to go find a pot of black coffee.” Both Kirk and McCoy leaving Spock :(((

- The shaky swoop of the camera as Kirk and the rest of the bridge realize that somehow they just fired on the Klingon vessel

- Don’t care about the rest of the movie I just love the scene where everything starts floating on the Klingon vessel

- AUGH THOSE SPACE SUITS OKAY I DO STILL CARE

- Love me some good ol’ bad 3D graphics blood

- Times like this I wish I’d never skipped my tlhIngan Hol classes

- Floating dead Klingons. What. A. Scene.

- Aw Fuck Dude. The one guy getting gravity back online and everything falling to the ground and blood splattering and AUGHHH. Every time I think this scene can’t get better, it does!

- HIII MCCOY!!! He got to rush onto the bridge just to ask “are we firing torpedoes” and I appreciate that :)

- Kirk and Spock fighting over who should go to the Klingon ship and Spock saying “perhaps you’re right” and then putting his hand on Kirk’s shoulder made me more nervous than it should have. Darn you Wrath of Khan! You’ve given me trust issues. (but you're telling me this isn't supposed to look like a nerve pinch???)

- Also Kirk ultimately still trying to maintain peace. It’s his knee jerk reaction to this. He’s got what he’s said he’s wanted when incased in his own emotions about loosing his son but he knows it’s not right

- and finally, yay! McCoy gets to go on the mission!

- The actor for the Klingon that greets them is so good at the rage mixing with grief and sadness

- McCoy to the rescue!!

- Either Klingon blood is pink (like in that one game) or they wanted to keep it pg-13

- “He’s gone into some kind of damned arrest!” McCoy proceeds to straddle the Klingon on top of the table so he has leverage to do proper CPR… I have no thoughts on this that I’d like to share

- I do not believe McCoy’s punches would be strong enough to restart a heart. I’m sorry but they look so puny

- The blood bubbling as Gorkon dies is so fucking good oh my heart

- This is all happening at 2:00 fucking AM??? No wonder Kirk is tired

- “I sympathize, Mr. Scott.” Love when they make Spock say he ‘understands’ or ‘sympathizes’

- SAREKKKK!! Hehe hiiii

- “We are experiencing technical malfunction. All backup systems inoperative.” “Excellent. I… I mean, too bad.” A banger scene from Uhura and Chekov

- Rosanna DeSoto as Azetbur (the Chancellor’s daughter) plays the part so well. Again their portrayal of grief and anger while trying to get to peace is so fucking amazing. LOOK AT HER FACE

- Maybe I’m not so happy about McCoy being on this mission after all…

- The giant circular judgement chamber is so fucking cool

- MICHAEL DORN 🫵

- The sparking gavel <3

- I love the beginning of a translator translating all the Klingon’s words

- WORF IS THEIR DEFENDANT???

- That one Klingon that laughs at McCoy’s joke, wanna be friends?

- “You say you are due for retirement. May I ask, do your hands shake?” “Objection!” “I was nervous!” “No. You were incompetent.” This is like watching reality tv for me. That’s some good drama

- phew thank goodness they’re not killing McCoy. He’s too pretty to die

- The back and forth slow zoom in on McCoy & Kirk and the judge didn’t have the intensity they were going for but I appreciate the effort

- “Better to kill them now and get it over with.” That’s nice Scotty

- Oh shit Spock loosing both of his husbands in one sentencing. That cannot be good for the economy

- “An ancestor of mine maintained that if you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains however improbable, must be the truth.” Ancestor? You mean fucking Arthur Conan Doyle?? Or Sherlock??? Either way that’s a hecking lore drop

- They’ve got a murder mystery aboard the Enterprise, this is my dream

- Hey babe, new Klingon dog beast just dropped (Jackal Mastiff)

- I let out an audible “aww” of pity when I saw McCoy wrapped up in a blanket

- I can’t believe I’m only halfway through this movie what is even happening anymore

- Had a brief pause to voice crackedly yell a little bit. Something along the lines of “I do not care. I do not care! I don’t care! I just want Spock- I just want them with Spock! I do not care!” And then let myself breathe for a second or two (and then made chicken nuggets). The outburst was born of a deep sadness from the fact that they can’t just be happy and retired together. Ok, back to the movie.

- Martia just handed Kirk a blunt change my mind

- “Somebody up there wants you out of the way.” of course, it can’t just be about actual politics between the Klingons and Federation, it has to actually be about Kirk and somebody trying to kill him. Dang it.

- “But the killers may still be among them.” …wait a damn minute.. you’re saying there’s imposters- *pulled away forcefully*

- I love how every commanding officer comes into the kitchen absolutely furious that someone fired a phaser

- On that note: why is there a kitchen? And why are they preparing various cooked birds? Who’s having a banquet tonight?

- What kind of bullshit evolution puts a species genitals in their knees?

- Hate how Kirk just lets McCoy go treat the highly dangerous being alone

- “Spock was right” NO SHIT HE’S LITERALLY AN ANCESTOR OF SHERLOCK

- YASSS SULU!!! Now get your rest you beautiful man

- Spock will literally leave no stone unturned for his husbands

- Either Martia has some really good prosthetics in the cave or she’s wearing someone else’s skin… NEVERMIND haha she’s just a shapeshifter

- Chekov was so proud of himself dammit. Too bad he was so utterly wrong

- Also Valeris is so expressive, kinda loving it

- The planet seems kinda nice in the daylight.. minus the dead body I’d say it’s pretty similar to winters in Canada (yes I made the joke, please delete it before posting) (edit: nope <3 just like Canada. Made your bed, lie in it)

- “Leave me. I’m finished.” Goddamn this man’s worst enemy is the cold. Both times McCoy just gives up and tells Spock or Kirk to leave him (First time being in All Our Yesterdays)

- “If they’re even looking for us.” Bones. Spock would literally NEVER leave the both of you. That aside the rest of the Enterprise crew also loves you like crazy

- Everyone laughing on the channel with the Klingons is so funny

- Holyy shit. Is Kirk going to fight.. himself???

- McCoy angel <3

- “I can’t believe I kissed you.” Yeah. Me neither. You didn’t actually have too.

- Poor McCoy holy cannoli oil. He’s knocked out and when he wakes up immediately gets trampled by two versions of his husband

- HIIII JACKAL MASTIFF HIII

- “Since you’re all going to die anyway, why not tell you.” When I go to watch the cinema sins video (I know I’m sorry) on this movie I bet they’ll say “klingonposition” or smt like that here

- If it’s just Chang that wants Kirk dead that’s so disappointing

- McCoy looks over and sees this

- “What you want is irrelevant, what you’ve chosen is at hand.” SPOCK IS ANGRYYYYY SPOCK IS PISSSED

- Please someone let McCoy take a shower, he stinks

- WAIT VALERIS WAS THE ONE SITTING IN THE DARK CORNER OF THE ROOM IN THE BEGINNING

- The distorted wavy angle that almost feels like it’s going side to side dutch angles with each of Spock’s footsteps as he nears Valeris

- I WOULD HAVE SCREAMED IN THEATRES

- Valeris is fucking crying omg what the actual fuck

- I honestly don’t know how to take that apart. I’m still shocked and screaming a little. The reactions from each crew member being just absolutely horrified

- I’m still reeling from that but I gotta acknowledge the fact that Spock says “I prefer it dark” when Kirk enters his quarters. So did I as a teenager and my mom would tell me it was bad for my eyes

- “You and the doctor might have been killed.” “The night is still young.” They are three months from retirement. Goddammnit let them just get to be retired together on a farm or condo or smt. I don’t give a shit just let them rest.

- “Spock, you want to know something? Everybody’s human.” NO THEYRE NOT IN THIS CONTEXT. That was kind of a big point made in this movie. I think the point you’re trying to make is ‘everyone in the whole galaxy forever will always make mistakes.’

- “Doctor, would you care to assist me in performing surgery on a torpedo?”

- Chang just said, “ah the games afoot” why are there so many Sherlock Holmes references in this one? Like I know they have a hard on for famous literature but this one is named after a Shakespeare quote. Just saying it’s a bit crowded.

- They really wanted McCoy to say smt doctory while making the torpedo so they chose “we’ve got a heart beat”

- I think it would’ve been better if Chang said to be or not to be in Klingon like they did at the dinner table

- So they saved the day? Yay? Kirk and McCoy should legally not actually be there- oh they’re all clapping for them who cares

- SPOCK GETS TO SAY GO TO HELL

- Kirk did not just fucking quote Peter Pan. Shut the fuck up.

- McCoy’s look says it all. And by that I mean just let him retire with his husbands. Oh my goodness.

- Just for my mom I'm mentioning the flared pants (Spock and McCoy look kinda goofy tho)

- Ohhh so this is where they change it from “where no man” to “where no one”

- And the Enterprise rides off into the sun. What kind of Grease ending is that?

Awwe okay all of their signatures at the end was a nice touch

I don’t have much more to say here, I forgot how fun but time consuming it was to do these thought posts. I really really appreciate everyone who likes these posts because it means y’all took the time to read this which is just something so meaningful to me.

Thank you all so much <3

Masterpost

[joyfulapostate]

Thank you for your blog! It’s exactly what I need right now.

I’m currently trying to construct my beliefs after a lifetime raised in the PCA (Presbyterian Church of America). It’s such a mindfuck because I can see how hateful a lot of PCA beliefs are and how when their theology is applied consistently it inevitably leads to abuse. It seems like the only ppl not fostering abuse in the system have twisted the words of the Bible to mean the opposite (ex: “this verse sounds like it’s saying x but if you go to the Greek blah blah it’s actually saying y.” Or “yes that verse does say that but obviously they’re applying it wrong. It was never meant to be taken that far” etc)

But even seeing all of this my coping mechanisms under stress are all still based in God. He was supposed to be the one constant thing and i don’t know what to do with that gone.

I feel like my beliefs are currently so fucked up. Trying to write down everything I feel is true and it’s ludicrously contradictory:

- there is no God

- Jesus is God

- after we did nothing happens. It’s the same as the space before we were born

- God has a plan to redeem suffering. All the pain in the world can’t be for nothing. People who live their whole lives in extreme duress and then die must get a chance after death to live prosperous lives. I don’t need eternal life but I need to know others will have it.

- hell is ridiculous and not real. I don’t want ppl to suffer like that no matter what they’ve done so a perfect God can’t be more petty than me. All I truly want from ppl who abused me is for them to never speak to me again. The only “punishment” I might want for them is for them to realize the damage they did and that I only want so they don’t do it again to others. I’m not talking to them so I don’t care.

I’m sure there are more but that’s all I can think of right now. It’s so confusing and messy! Does it ever settle a bit? Will I ever have a set of consistent beliefs again?

The short answer is yes and yes. Things also felt messy for me at first, but I did eventually reach a point of stability.

Congrats on being open to investigating and improving your worldview! That's such a cool and kind thing to do for yourself that many people never manage. I'm sure there's a lot to unpack, so I want to encourage you to treat yourself well while you're challenging your beliefs. Take breaks, seek support, and be patient.

Early in my deconstruction, I craved certainty because I believed that that's what truth felt like. I thought I would investigate my beliefs until I had a new and better set of beliefs on the other side of the process. But along the way I figured out that stability and consistency don't need to come from having an unchanging set of beliefs.

What I found was that having a good set of tools for seeking, analyzing, and integrating information into my life was more stable than having a static set of beliefs.

My beliefs used to be precious and protected, like trophies in a glass case, high up and out of reach. When I started deconstructing, that case came crashing down.

I felt ashamed that Christianity wasn't the only tool I needed to build a stable set of beliefs. For so many people around me, that seemed to be all they needed.

I began to question why I thought Christianity was true: love, belonging, fear, authority, loyalty, and stability were the main ones. But my beliefs didn't account for empathy, ethics, or epistemology and many other things. Heck, I didn't even know the word epistemology when I started this journey. I didn't know how to seek knowledge without running it through a Christian filter first.

I'd been told that CHRISTIANITY = TRUTH, so I hadn't considered that there were other methods to seeking, analyzing, and integrating new knowledge into my life.

But then I started exploring logic, philosophy, psychology, history, biology, and other subjects I'd been afraid would challenge my Christian beliefs. I started reading about other religions and comparing them to Christianity. And, most importantly, I started going to trauma-informed therapy. All of those things helped me break out of old patterns, learn how to update my beliefs based on new information, and how not to be afraid of that whole process.

Focusing on the tools I used to build my beliefs instead of the beliefs themselves, I was able to put together my own toolbox that helped me establish a more stable system of belief. I still go by my belief-shelf every once in a while, dust things off, admire beliefs that stood up to testing, and reevaluate beliefs that didn't. But that last part got rarer and rarer and no longer feels like the end of the world. Because ultimately, I'm still working with the same toolbox.

I used think that Christianity was a universal set of tools that worked for anyone in any situation, but now I see it as one very old tool that doesn't work for everybody. And, despite what I'd been told again and again as a Christian, the Bible is not a truth-seeking tool. It's a set of stories that can tell us about what the authors thought about themselves and the world. And, don't get me wrong, I love storytelling. I think it's very important. We can learn a lot about other people, their perspectives, and their philosophies. The problem comes in when people take their specific interpretation of stories in Christianity and try to apply them universally.

But we don't have to rely on the same old tools forever. We can try out new tools and figure out what will help us build the life that we want to have. Equipped with a variety of tools instead of one dusty one, we are more prepared to live and thrive in this constantly changing world.

Looking back, I'm glad my shaky shelf of beliefs fell apart. Because it gave me the opportunity to take responsibility for my beliefs instead of just protecting them.

I want to touch on one more point that you raised before I close, and that is the unbearable weight of suffering in the world. I struggled with this a lot during my deconstruction. It's a tough thing, to come from a worldview that has simple answers and adjust to the reality that reducing suffering is much harder than "let go and let God." My advice is to seek out good news, because it won't show up in social media feeds as much as bad news does. Find the people who are helping others, solving problems, and actively building community. Also, try to find some small way to do good, lessen suffering, or prevent harm if you have the ability and resources to do so.

That's part of why I run this blog, to try to help other people let go of harmful Christian beliefs with more joy and less suffering.

Thank you for sending me this ask. Messages like these inspire me. I see the effort and empathy behind your words and it gives me more hope than I had before!

[leclerced]

lando x oscar x reader where they fucked lan for fun but then winter break happens and lando couldn’t get over it so he shows up in aus….

-🪼🪼🪼

omggg jelly this Is So Good!!!

reader and oscar get like a short term rental while in aus and oscar had sent lando the listing to show off the beach front property he’d rented using a bit of his bonus. since they’ve already fucked lando, i think oscar would brag about the seclusion and how he’s gonna fuck her everywhere to make up for all the time they were away from each other this season. lando shows up in aus after searching for the link and getting the address. he thinks about texting one of them but gets scared of the rejection he might face so he just goes for it.

him knocking on the door super sleepy from his flight and oscar answering it half dressed and confused how lando got the address and why he’s there. lando suddenly regrets coming and starts to leave but oscar stops him and is like, “you can come in, came all this way. don’t have to talk. we’re gonna nap.” they weren’t gonna nap, she’s waiting in the bedroom for oscar to come back to bed and give her a repeat of this morning and the night before, but oscar sees lando’s tired eyes and takes pity on him. he thinks he’s going through something personal and just didn’t want to be alone, didn’t realize they were on that level of friendship to just want to be around each other, but he doesn’t know the thing keeping lando up at night is how he feels about oscar and his girlfriend.

oscar showing him to the second bedroom and asking if he brought anything and lando tells him he has a bag in the car, so oscar goes and gets it for him and tells him to relax or whatever. oscar fetching his bag and saying he can help himself to whatever is in the kitchen if he’s hungry before he excuses himself. returns to his girlfriend who doesn’t even ask where he went assuming it was nonsense, tries to pull him in for a kiss but he pulls away and tells her it was lando. she gets confused and says she didn’t know he was invited, oscar explaining he doesn’t know why he came, that he’d sent him the listing when he rented it but he hadn’t invited him, but he thinks something might be wrong so he doesn’t want to kick him out, if she doesn’t mind. she’d feel bad for lando and say he can stay as long as he needs, and oscar explains that he said they were gonna nap.

she’d try to pull him into bed for sex but he would be stuck thinking about what’s wrong with lando and say he just wants to nap now, doesn’t want lando to overhear or anything. she’d roll her eyes and before she can comment on how they had a threesome with him, he’s telling her that if lando comes looking to talk he doesn’t wanna be buried between her thighs because then lando’s not gonna talk and she’d give in and let him snuggle in between her legs and play with his hair until she falls asleep.

lando going to sleep too because he doesn’t know what else to do and they’re awake and getting dinner ready when he wakes up. he can hear them laughing and singing along to music in the kitchen, imagines them dancing and regrets coming even more and interrupting their alone time. he’d pack his bag back up, hadn’t unpacked but he changed and left his clothes on the floor, and then meet them in the kitchen to excuse himself. just like in his mind, oscar’s holding her to his chest as they dance around the kitchen. they see him as they turn and stumble to a stop, she’d turn in oscar’s arms so they’re both facing him and ask why he has his bag, he’d apologize for intruding and say he should leave and she feels a pang in her chest and before she can tell him to stay, oscar does. he’d say he can’t leave before they have dinner, it’s almost done and they made enough for everyone so it’d be rude if he just left when they already set the table for three.

lando leaves his duffel on the floor by the island and takes a seat at the table and they make conversation, ask what he’s been up to during break, if he had a good christmas, how his family is doing. they’d convince him it’s too late to drive anywhere after dinner so he should stay the night, and lando’s easily swayed into staying. they’re so sweet and tell him they don’t mind, that they were going a bit stir crazy being alone. lando wants to point out that the whole point is to be alone, but he doesn’t. they’d watch movies or start a show together. the morning is about the same, he wakes up to them cooking breakfast and being romantic and domestic. they’ve got the table set for three and oscar cooks pancakes and she decorates them with whipped cream and fruits to make a smiley face on lando’s and a heart on oscar’s and hers. she takes a photo of the table after she sets them all up, warning them not to cut into it until she has her pics.

he tries to leave after that and oscar tells him they were gonna go on a hike and he thinks lando would really like it, and girlfriend pipes up and says she’d like it if he came with, jokes that he can take turns with oscar carrying her back so he doesn’t get too tired. he ends up helping them pack snacks from the pantry and she puts sunscreen on his face, insists on it after applying oscar’s for him, she’s like a mom when he shakes his head and says he’s fine. she stares him down until he steps closer and she grins as she rubs it into his face, pinching his cheeks when she’s done. she repeats it halfway through their hike and makes oscar rub it into her bare shoulders because she’s wearing a tank top and shorts. lando takes off his shirt when the sun is beating down on them and he’s sweat through it. she’s instantly like, “oh my god, this is going to use up half of my bottle. this is $50. you so owe me a new one.” and then to oscar, “baby, we have to drive into town to get more tomorrow.” and he starts putting his shirt back on before she can get her hands on his chest and back because he wouldn’t be able to handle it. especially when she’s saying he’ll have to go into town with them the next day to buy her more and he still planned on leaving after the hike so he wouldn’t have to tell them why he came.

they just keep talking him into staying, making him feel better about it and then he walks in on them kissing and they pull apart, and he regrets coming and interrupting their couples getaway.

after a few more days of them convincing him to stay, she finds him up late at night out on the patio when she gets up to get a glass of water. she goes outside and sits next to him and tells him he doesn’t have to tell them what’s wrong but they’re here for him and he can stay as long as he needs to. he’d laugh and say that’s the problem, he needs to get away from them so he can get over them. she’d immediately want to comfort him and say he doesn’t need to, but they need to talk to oscar, so she’d go get him before lando can stop her. oscar being half asleep when she drags him outside and sits him down next to lando before sitting down on his other side so lando’s trapped between them. she’d ask lando why he came and lando can barely get the words out but he’d tell them he couldn’t stop thinking about them and he’s sorry for intruding, that he shouldn’t have came and he shouldn’t say anything. that he’ll get over them and oscar interrupts and asks him why he came. if he’s so set on getting over them, why is he still there?

[cocogum]

Let’s talk about episodes 7 and 8….

(‼️SEASON 4 SPOILERS‼️)

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Oh boy.

We got a lot to unpack.

We start with when we last finished off in episode 6.

Eva properly gets to speak with her father Madagaskan while the others are right behind her, listening intently to them.

AND MY GOD THE EXPOSITION WAS SO GOOD.

(Good for us, not for Eva tho lol)

The fact that she and Cleophee come from the most infamous assassin’s guild is WILD. You’re telling me that its members are so good at what they do that the rulers of the world buy their offers as fast as possible cuz they’re scared that the guild could ruin them if they go to the opposite team?? That just SCREAMS how important and secretive they are!! (plus we also saw a glimpse of what one of them, freaking Madagaskan, was able to do with just rocks). But it does explain why Eva has such a good eye for combat. I can also see where Cleophee takes her hair from too. From what Madagaskan has said about Eva personally, she looks identical to her mother. (I already headcanon that Cleophee took her looks from her dad instead 🥰).

But what surprised me even more was Flopin’s decision to follow Madagaskan. Not only did he want to get taught by him, but he willingly SNEAKED OUT OF THE DAMN HOUSE to go to him!

Also, can I just say how nice it is to see what Elely and Flopin’s bedrooms looked like? I love how we got a good shot of each of their rooms, it completely encapsulates their personalities and how opposite they are to each other!

Just look at how Flopin’s room looks very organized, his books are properly in their places on the bookshelves, and the amount of papers he has. Even his bed was made and you can see how he has a map of the World of Twelve plastered on the wall just on top of his desk.

Whereas with Elely, her room is completely messy, pillows and clothes are lying around the floor on the left side of the room, her bed is not made, she has a giant tapestry on her wall, some boxing equipment like her gloves and a punching bag (which she drew Poo on it lol that’s a nice detail).

But Flopin did have a point when he talked to his grandpa. We all knew he was a loser cuz Elely and Pin were doing their own thing. I mean do you remember how exhausting it was to keep seeing Elely having so much spotlight back in season 3? My girl is awesome and all but let her breathe for a second damn.

I’m glad Flopin chose that route for himself even though it was a bit of a surprise to see him want to follow Madagaskan now.

Ngl he lists out very valid points that even we were thinking about. It just shows that Flopin is very much self-aware of his position in the family and how this makes him look. I had a feeling Flopin would have his own arc but I didn’t think he’d separate himself from his family to have one! Good for him tho but still…

This means he won’t see Elely for a long time and Pin wouldn’t get to know him as much as the rest of the Percedal family….

But at least he’ll have his grandpa 😭😭

*Meanwhile with Ruel*

“HELPING FOSTER CHILDREN IN NEED?!?? 😱😱😱 HELL NAH NOT ON MY WATCH 😡😡😡”

I can’t with this old ass man sometimes I swear 😭😭😭

I just really loved the exposition on Nora’s part where she revealed to Yugo, Adamaï, and Qilby why and how she came to rescue their mother. The colors and the style of it all were so gorgeous and mesmerizing to stare at and it made so much sense. I also noticed how in her explanation, Nora mentioned that it was Efrim who had a special connection to the Eliatrope goddess instead of her like how it was revealed to be the case in the Wakfu volume 4 manga and the Islands of wakfu game. I assumed that Ankama retconned that tiny detail too.

LESBIAN QUEENS ‼️LESBIAN QUEENS‼️LESBIAN QUEENS‼️ LESBIAN QUEENS‼️LESBIAN QUEENS ‼️

I just love how realistic all the rulers’ answers have been so far. They’re all skeptical of Yugo and his family and I don’t blame them for thinking like that. It doesn’t matter how kind and helpful Yugo can be to them. As Aurora said, everything about this is too coincidental which is how Armand concluded that there could be a traitor in Yugo’s group. Again, I don’t blame him for saying that since he just got told by Yugo that the portals from the Sadida kingdom and Albuera have a portal, leading to the necrome world, that looks a lot like an eliatrope one.

And of course, Yugo doesn’t hesitate to blame Qilby and already jumps to conclusions way too fast, immediately thinking he’s the traitor since he knows he’s the type to hop from planet to planet, not caring what happens to the places he went to just as long as he got to study them.

I love this man so much 💕💕✨

But if Yugo actually took a second to process the information, he would know that there was clearly something wrong with his accusation. Because how and where would Qilby have the energy and especially the time for all that? Yugo is completely aware that Qilby got freed by their mother and Nora not a very long time ago. If I had to assume when he was freed, I’d have to say just a bit earlier when Yugo and the others were still in Oropo’s dimension.

Not only that, but since he got freed not too long ago AND was being carefully monitored by Nora, then there was no chance he could have been the traitor. He just got out of the White Dimension (again) so he’d be drained of energy and didn’t have the eliatrope dofus and the Eliacube.

But a very important thing to note here is that Qilby was also joining Nora and the small eliatropes on the missions his mother would send them in which clearly implies that he’s not done with this world yet (he could have been participating only because he was looking for the eliatrope dofus at the time when Adamaï didn’t find them first but if that was the case, then he wouldn’t have stayed and help to fend off against the necromes since he doesn’t like it when other beings pursue him and his people without, ironically, knowing where they are).

With all these in mind, it's safe to say that Yugo’s anger towards Qilby is based on personal issues.

Their fight in the sky was so well choreographed that I just loved every single second of it and how none of their poses were recycled 💖

If I see this shit in the streets you bet ur ass I’m shitting myself.

Also,

Ankama left us with a cute little gift so unexpectedly that it made me bash my keyboard at the wall. 🥰🥰

This shot was pulled out of nowhere that it made my heart drop to my feet.

This is the living embodiment of what Yugo’s sleep paralysis demon looks like 💀

One thing’s for sure though.

I’m not ready for the next episode my stomach keeps giving me constipation symptoms just thinking about it.

[kanerallels]

Kanera, Blind date au?

My stars this prompt is great I could have gone any number of directions but this one was too great to not write:

“You set me up on a WHAT?” Hera gaped at her friend in horror.

“A blind date,” Omega said, looking way too cheerful about the prospect. “Listen— we think you’ve been spending too much time working. The Empire’s not going to be overthrown overnight, and you need to spend some time on yourself. Like going on a date!”

There was a lot to unpack in that sentence. Hera decided to focus on it one part at a time. “We?”

“My brothers and I.”

Hera’s eyebrows shot up. “THEY’RE INVOLVED IN THIS?”

Omega nodded. “Hunter said he knows the perfect young man. Smart, kind, hates the Empire— you’ll love him!”

Letting out a long sigh, Hera said, “Omega, you know I don’t have time for that kind of thing. It’s just not a priority, not while the Empire’s still around.”

“I know,” Omega said, putting a hand on her arm. “But life doesn’t stop just because the Empire needs to be fought. Just think about it— I’m going to go check it with Echo.”

Hopping up from her seat, she headed across the restaurant to where her brother was sitting. Hera let out a long sigh, staring out across the open sea below them. She should have known visiting Pabu again was a bad idea.

“You okay?”

Glancing up, Hera saw a dark haired man standing nearby her table. She almost told him that it was none of his business— but there was something like genuine curiosity in his eyes. “Meddling friends,” she said.

The man snorted. “Oh, I know the type. Why my love life is any of their business is beyond me.”

“Exactly!” Hera said, throwing her hands up in the air. “Maybe I happen to have more important things going on than romance. And Force only knows with Omega’s friends, I’ll probably get stuck with someone insane.”

The corner of the man’s mouth tipped up in a grin. “Probably.”

“I’m back, and I brought snacks— oh, hi, Kanan!”

Hera turned at Omega’s cheerful voice. “I didn’t know you were already here,” the young woman continued, setting down the plates she’d been carrying. “And I see you met Hera.”

Slowly, Hera turned to face the man she’d been talking to. “You know the type, huh?” she said, raising a very pointed eyebrow.

He had the good sense to look a little sheepish. “In my defense, I wasn’t totally sure that it was you she was setting me up with. And I’m… less opposed to it now.”

Hera couldn’t say that she wasn’t less opposed as well. But she definitely wasn’t going to admit it. Folding her arms, she said, “Well, consider this your opportunity to convince me.”

Kanan grinned. “I like a challenge.”

Neither of them saw Omega smirking as she took a drink from her beverage.

[yggdraseed]

Women in Jujutsu Kaisen

Let’s get this out of the way first: if you’re reading this because you enjoy reading posts by people who hate Jujutsu Kaisen, you’re going to be disappointed. I actually like Jujutsu Kaisen a lot, I have a lot of positive things to say about it, and I’m going to be explaining my reasoning here. You should probably move on if you want trash talk. But if you have a negative view point that you’re nevertheless willing to reevaluate or recontextualize by looking at things from a new perspective, please read on.

A lot has been said about how women are written in Jujutsu Kaisen. A lot of good, and a lot of bad. I think a lot of the bad comes from how Jujutsu Kaisen was praised so early on for how it’s women were written, only for people to either not see it or have their expectations not be met due to events in Shibuya and the Culling Games. However, while I try to respect diversity of opinion, I feel like a lot of people aren’t really grasping why the way GeGe Akutami writes women was lauded. I think a people have lots of different ideas of what makes for a well-written female character, and don’t find what they’re looking for in Jujutsu Kaisen, thus they get angry and they post online about how GeGe Akutamisogyny isn’t going to beat “the allegations.”

I’ve never liked the justifications put forth for that argument. There’s a lot of subtext to how the female cast of Jujutsu Kaisen are written that can’t fit neatly into the simple world of page and panel counts or win-loss ratios. And, fortunately, there are tools for feminist literary analysis that I am going to employ in what will hopefully be a short trilogy of posts, starting here.

When I see people criticizing how women are written in Jujutsu Kaisen, I usually only see them using one point of interest: the outcome of a fight. If a female character doesn’t win a fight, then some people in the audience take that to mean that GeGe Akutami hates that character, hates women, and doesn’t want them to succeed — or some variation of that, perhaps less extreme.

This is a product of Jujutsu Kaisen being a Shonen, and thus being on the radar of Shonen fans who — let’s be honest — are not known widely for consuming anime or manga outside of the Shonen demographic. Shonen is heavily focused on conflict and competition as storytelling, it’s why the term “battle shonen” is used so prevalently. And Jujutsu Kaisen doesn’t try to deny its own Shonen heritage: it uses fights for storytelling all the time, sometimes even more than other Shonen seem to do.

I think this might also be a cultural thing. Anime and manga are written very differently from Western movies or comic books, with very different cultural background and different artistic sensibilities. However, that’s a topic that I’ll unpack another time, maybe not even in Part 2 or 3 of this post.

Point is, we need to step back and get some perspective. People who use the losses or deaths among the female cast as evidence that GeGe hates women, or sees women as inferior, or has some sort of passive, culturally-inherited sexism in their worldview are suffering from tunnel vision. You need to look at the story as a whole sometimes, not just the one subject in question.

Go back to the Goodwill Event, and the fight between Nobara and Momo. Their whole conversation is a huge part of why Jujutsu Kaisen was praised early on for how Akutami writes women, and I think the subtext of it really went over some people’s heads. It did mine, the first time around: to me, it just felt like a competent, if tired “girl power” moment for Nobara. But as I invested more time and thought into reading the series, and as I learned more since first viewing that scene, I started to realize what I wasn’t seeing in that scene.

Momo shares something in common with all of the Kyoto Students, Todo and Miwa being the exception. In addition to seemingly coming from a more-or-less established sorcerer pedigree, Momo shares the general pessimism that hangs over the Kyoto Students like a dark cloud. There’s this very morosely Japanese sense of “woe is me, but there’s nothing to be done” about Momo, Mai, Noritoshi, and Mechamaru, in one sense or another. These four are people who will complain about a problem, then just sit while it washes over them and batters them like a wave. They just accept the unfair hand they’re dealt in life, and while they don’t like it, they treat it as something no one can overcome. Furthermore, on some level, I think these four don’t necessarily want to overcome the misfortunes and injustices they face.

See, Momo pours her heart out at length about how hard it is being a woman and being a sorcerer. And the way she talks about it is a very different critique of society than you’d see in a lot of Shonen. She talks about how women are expected to be perfect: beautiful, graceful, exquisite, the model of femininity, while also keeping up with the macho “might makes right” sensibilities that dominate sorcery. In her words, “men have to be strong, women have to be perfect.”

This isn’t something that’s just being plucked out of thin air, this is a criticism of the girlboss culture that arose through the 2000s and 2010s up to now. Women are expected to battle sexism alone, in their own lives, by being exceptional: rather than reforming cultural structures that put women at a disadvantage to men, girlboss culture says women just need to always wear perfect makeup, always be fashionable, always work 2.5 times harder than men, and find time to raise children and have a side-hustle at the same time. Instead of fixing the problem, it’s telling women, “Just work harder. Just be better.” As if women haven’t been having to work harder for nothing in return for the past 50 years, holding down jobs that they have to go above and beyond to prove themselves in as compared to male coworkers for whom the job might as well be a guarantee by comparison, having a ceiling put on their promotion while men who didn’t put in as much work get to move up the company ladder, and frequently having to juggle having a child and taking care of housework in addition to the expectations of jobs that often don’t afford maternity leave. And then, on top of all of that, the expectation is then foisted on to have the time and energy to perfectly craft your hair, makeup, and outfit for the day, and if you miss a single step of the whole stupid dance, you’re seen as an underachiever. That’s girlboss culture, and that’s what Momo is indirectly criticizing when she laments the contradictory and unfair expectations women in the sorcery world have to uphold. They need to fight just as hard as the men, while wearing skirts and not getting a single scar on that pretty face.

(Just as an aside, I love the way this conversation comes about. Momo and Mai are pretty close to each other, to the point that it sometimes feels like nobody else in the Kyoto school likes or respects Mai like Momo does. And Momo targets Nobara with this whole speech because of the friction between Mai and Nobara, and because she wants to stand up for Mai. I like that element of both solidarity and conflict between women, about being a woman, and I’ve always gotten sapphic vibes from Momo and Mai, so I’m glad that she’s the one giving this whole speech and why she’s doing it. But I digress.)

And the thing is, she’s not wrong. Neither Nobara nor the story as an overall entity refutes anything she says. However, Nobara points out something else about Momo that she shares in common with the other Kyoto Students who were raised to be sorcerers: the way she treats her whole life like a job. Momo has internalized the culture she despises, and instead of trying to rebel, she just accepts all of it as “the way the world works.” She soldiers on, just as Noritoshi soldiers on with his family’s expectations, Mai soldiers on with her pain and feeling of being abanoned, and Mechamaru soldiers on with the isolation, unfairness, and general misery that comes with his Heavenly Pact. Soldiering on, as if soldiering on has inherent value when it leads nowhere and accomplishes nothing. Never addressing the problem, or trying to find a way around it; simply rolling that boulder up the hill, grumbling all the way. She and the other Kyoto Students have this sense of treating their own misfortune as a badge of honor. To them, they’re justified and validated because they have experienced more than their fair share of suffering. They’re always eager to flaunt the crosses they have to bear.

Momo treats being a woman as a curse. Funny how that ties into the rest of the narrative, huh?

For Nobara, being a woman is not some great burden she has to live with. Being a woman in general and being Nobara Kugisaki in particular is something she revels in, and it’s just the fault of everyone else if they think otherwise.

Let’s talk about Nobara, and let’s not reduce her to her death scene. When we meet Nobara, she’s immersing herself in the Tokyo way of life after moving from the countryside to the big city. She encounters a sleazy talent agency recruiter who’s pestering women on the street with his hand-rubbing, obviously nefarious ways… only for Nobara to stop him, turn him around, and say, “What about me?” He gets intimidated, tries to run, and she drags him back. From her perspective, he should be happy to have her, and the fact he isn’t means he’s ignorant of her beauty and wit and needs to be corrected. If he won’t convert to Kugisakism, then her charms are wasted on him, and he’s doomed to the dim world that is Nobaralessness. When she meets Yuji and Megumi, she introduces herself with a line that’s translated into English as, “I’m the only woman in your group.” But from what I’ve been able to gather, her line in Japanese is, “I’m the red mark.” The phrase “red mark” can mean “the one who’s different from the others” — like the one girl in a group of boys — or it can mean “the one who stands out.” So you can also read it as her saying, “I’m the stand-out of the group.” Nobara Kugisaki, everybody.

If you want to talk about how literary circles analyze how women are writing, let’s leave the topics of fight outcomes and feats to one side. One thing you immediately look for is motivation. What’s motivating a character? This is important for how female characters are written, and especially in Shonen, which revolves so much around characters with some goal or belief that the story pursues through fights and other forms of adversity.

Now poorly-written women will tend to be motivated by men. They’ll be attracted to a man, or trying to support or protect a man, or trying to find a man. This by itself isn’t a death sentence for a woman’s characterization, but it is a red flag. It’s also not as if women have to never interact with or think about men to be well-written. It’s not an on-off switch, a bad writing-good writing switch. It’s a meter, like Mahoraga steadily adapting to a technique. Just a little bit is fine, and can be even turned into good writing in capable hands. But if it becomes too prevalent and is never examined, then you get a situation where a story’s women are not permitted lives outside of being in a male character’s orbit.

How do we gauge this? Well, there are lots of ways, but one of the more well-known and simple techniques is the Bechdel test. The name is derived from Alison Bechdel, feminist author who penned such classics as Dykes to Watch Out For. Bechdel proposed a simple litmus test for how to tell an author’s seriousness about writing women, and it goes like this: 1.) Look for scenes where women talk to each other. 2.) In those scenes, check for how often they’re talking about things besides male characters.

This isn’t the only way to tell if women are written well or not, and some will say it isn’t even the best way, but it’s a good foot in the door to get us thinking about what divides well-written female characters from poorly-written female characters. I’m not going to go back and scan through the whole manga just yet, but let’s look at some examples.

— The aforementioned conversation between Nobara and Momo, where the two pit their different view of what it means to be a woman and a sorcerer against one another. — Maki and Nobara talking to each other after the encounter with Mai and Todo. Curious by meeting Maki’s sister, Nobara talks to Maki a bit about their upbringing. Having gained more insights into Maki’s past and personality, Nobara leans on her and tells her how much she respects her. — Miwa and Mai discussing the upcoming Goodwill Event in a flashback. Mai tells Miwa that Maki is weak, which leaves Miwa unprepared for their fight. — Maki and Mai arguing and coming to terms with what drove them apart. Mai just wanted a peaceful life with Maki, but Maki couldn’t be happy and authentic with herself if she just left things the way they were. She was forced to choose between herself and Mai, and Maki chose herself, knowing that Mai would suffer and that she’d shoulder some of the guilt for that.

This indicates that GeGe found it important to divorce the identities of the female characters from male characters. And this holds true in what drives and motivates the female cast.

Nobara is motivated by her own goals. She hates the countryside, and she loves the city; becoming a sorcerer is a way she can make a lot of money, live in the city, and pursue the kind of lifestyle she values. She wants to be a true blue Tokyoite, wearing trendy clothes and eating crepes and taking selfies by the statue of Hachiko outside Shibuya Station. She’s not doing this to avenge her dead brother, she’s not doing this to find her father, she’s not searching for a strong man to sire strong children — yuck. Nobara has aesthetic values and strongly held beliefs, and becoming a sorcerer lets her pursue those values and beliefs.

And if you really want to analyze the action side of Jujutsu Kaisen as an indicator for how GeGe feels about female characters, consider how Nobara takes to sorcery like a fish to water. Both Megumi and Yuji have their own internal dilemmas with being a sorcerer, but not Nobara. In a series where mindset is so important, Nobara has the mindset. Uro describes the model sorcerer as having “no concern for others and an overwhelming sense of self.” There is no one with a more overwhelming sense of self than Nobara. She’s loud, opinionated, loves to argue, flaunts herself, and demands other people give her more than what they think she’s due. She’s narcissistic, but that faith in herself makes her mentally strong.

She lacks experience, but even then, she learns and grows rapidly through the series. Due to running out of nails to fend off cursed spirits during the first stretch of Fearsome Womb chapters, she invents Hairpin as a way to reuse nails she’s already launched and embedded in a surface. She manages to land a Black Flash during the tag team fight with Yuji, and it’s her oppressive use of Resonance on Eso and Kechizu that turns the tides — a tactic which required her to hammer nails into her own arm. She takes it on the chin and gets her brain rattled around in her skull during the fight with Haruta, but even while borderline unconscious and suffering from a concussion, she forces herself to keep him talking in hopes Nitta can escape and manages to get to her feet and keep fighting despite the total disorientation and inability to summon her strength. While she didn’t win the fight, she showed more fighting spirit than half of the male cast tends to, and I find it kind of gross that people will ignore all of that and mock someone who kept fighting against the odds. That’s like laughing at Mumen Rider when he’s hopelessly trying to fight Sea King even as his body is breaking. I don’t exactly see what about either case is so funny or worthy of ridicule.

Even in the showdown with Mahito, people always fixate on how she dies, but never consider what led to it. She crosses paths with Mahito, and even knowing from Yuji what he’s capable of, she goes in — partially because he hurt Yuji, her friend, and she wants to make him suffer for it. And her technique turns out to be a worst case scenario for Mahito. She’s hammering his clone with Resonance and sending the blowback to the original while he’s fighting Yuji, dividing his attention and weakening him. Her only mistake was chasing him down, and even then, this isn’t the story punishing her. It’s the story being consistent with who Nobara is. She’s got a dangerous enemy on the ropes, her pride is bruised after the fight with Haruta, and she has a chance to get vengeance on someone who’s hurt her friend while helping said friend in the process. If she hadn’t followed Mahito into the subway, then she wouldn’t be Nobara Kugisaki.

And in her final moments, Nobara achieves something that’s considered to be out of reach of most sorcerers. She dies content, with a smile on her face. Nobara may not have realized her potential to be a great sorcerer, but she got what she, personally, wanted. Sorcery was a means to an end, and she got to live the Tokyo life and meet interesting people that she considers her friends. She got to fill out that finite number of seats in her life, and even meet a few people who pulled up a chair when she didn’t expect it. In her words, “It wasn’t so bad.” Nobody else but Toji and Gojo have gotten to die this satisfied — Toji because Megumi had grown up free of the Zen’in curse, Gojo because he was authentic to himself right to the end and left it all on the field. Nobara was authentic to herself right to the end, and that’s worthy of high praise. If she is definitely dead and not coming back, then she managed to accomplish what it was she wanted before dying. Not many get that luxury in Jujutsu Kaisen. It hurts because I liked her and admired her and appreciate the way she was written, and her dying doesn’t make the value of her character disappear from the story entirely. It’s the character’s death, it’s everything that led to that death and what that death means to them and to those who are left behind. And if it’s manga that explore death, nobody does it better than GeGe Akutami.

Lots of people will point to an interview where GeGe said that Nobara was not originally considered part of the cast, and they’ll use that as evidence that secretly, GeGe’s a big stupid misogynist who hates women and likes killing them in stories and blah blah blah blah blah. You know, first of all, I doubt that the editor held a gun to GeGe’s head and said “Put in a female main character or die.” Secondly, if GeGe really didn’t care, Nobara would just be a two-dimensional copy of Sakura who dies in the first arc or two. GeGe would not have put in the effort to set her apart from other female leads, or given her so many stand-out moments, or given her such an interesting motivation and world view. In short, if GeGe didn’t want to write a female character, they’d do what Kishimoto did: write Sakura. But that comparison is a can of worms I’ll need to pry open another time.

To sum up for the time being, no, GeGe Akutami does not hate women. Losing a fight does not make a female character worthless, and does not indicate a disdain for them on the part of the author. I don’t know about you, but I don’t read Shonen just to see who punches harder. I want to see characters be challenged, sometimes fail, learn, grow, and overcome adversity — and it wouldn’t be adversity if all the characters I like win and survive easily. I love Kashimo and will continue to love Kashimo, and Kashimo being super ultra dead doesn’t change that.

Look out for Part 2, in which I’m going to unpack some really contentious stuff when it comes to challenges and female characters in Jujutsu Kaisen. We’re gonna talk about the concept of screen time, we’re gonna talk about subtext, we’re gonna talk about great expectations and the great unexpected in Jujutsu Kaisen, and we’re gonna talk more in-depth about the narrative outside the narrative of Jujutsu Kaisen in a vacuum. If your sense for danger is giving you a bad feeling about this, then it should be: we’re talking about that. Switch on your Anti-Gravity System, it’s going to get messy.