#and they discovered they are actually just the same fucking person
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hoshifighting · 10 hours ago
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idk if someone asked you this but i’m a new reader and I REALLY REALLY LOVE YOUR WORKS!!!
can you please make wonwoo, the nerdy president who u thought was innocent and sweet but he’s the one behind ur fave nsfw audio creator???? AND HE’S A HARDFUCKER.. not what u expected tho..
i don’t know if i make sense but please pretty please 😭☝️
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Synopsis: where you discover that the nerdy class president is the one man who creates the most nasty NSFW audios that you spend long nights listening to. WC: 2.8k WARNINGS: smut, audio porn, masturbation, hard fuck, dirty talk (obviously), bad sleeping habits (because of wonwoo), fingering, spanking, dirty talk, pussy eating, penetrative sex, protected sex, wonwoo whining, a lil invasion of privacy.
you’ve been running on fumes all day, the hazy buzz of sleep deprivation clinging to your brain like static. it’s no surprise, really. your night had gone the way it always does: you got home, flopped into your chair, threw on your headphones, and let onyx_lens—your favorite nsfw asmr creator—drag you under with that stupidly deep voice of his.
it was kind of pathetic, actually. you barely remember what the script was about—something about obedience or whatever—but you do remember the sound of his voice sinking into your brain like warm honey, making you cum so hard that you blacked the fuck out right after. now here you were, bleary-eyed and trying to stay upright in literature class, the regret of last night’s poor choices catching up with you.
wonwoo, the class president who was somehow both effortlessly chill and annoyingly observant, had been glancing at you every few minutes. you could feel his eyes on you as your head dipped forward for the third time, only to snap back up like a busted bobblehead.
but, in true wonwoo fashion, he didn’t say anything. no scolding, no judgmental sighs—just quiet observation.
when class finally ended, you were ready to yeet yourself into a nap for a solid 72 hours. you were shoving your stuff into your bag when wonwoo’s voice cut through the noise.
“you good?”
you froze. his voice wasn’t the same as onyx_lens’s, obviously, but it had that same deep, smooth timbre that made your brain short-circuit for a second. it didn’t help that his question sounded so much like something out of an nsfw script. you turned to face him, hoping your face wasn’t giving away how flustered you suddenly were. “uh—yeah,” you said, shaking your head a little too quickly. “just tired.”
wonwoo raised an eyebrow. “not sleeping well?”
your brain screamed. your tired, half-horny brain screamed louder. the overlap of his voice and onyx_lens in your head was un-fucking-bearable. you managed to nod, muttering something about late nights and deadlines, hoping he wouldn’t pry.
he didn’t, but his next question wasn’t much better.
“think you could help me with the sci-fi project? your last lit analysis was good, and i could use the extra pair of hands.”
you blinked at him. “me?”
he nodded, adjusting his glasses. “you. unless you’re too busy with...whatever’s keeping you up.”
oh, you mean my nightly sessions with onyx_lens and my vibrator?
you swallowed hard and tried to play it cool. “nah, i can help.”
and that’s how you found yourself standing outside wonwoo’s apartment later that evening, clutching your bag. his place was exactly what you’d expect from him—minimalist, neat, and smelling faintly of coffee.
“come in,” he said, holding the door open for you. “make yourself comfortable.”
easier said than done. you perched awkwardly on his couch as he set up his laptop on the coffee table, your eyes darting around the room in an attempt to ignore how nice his voice sounded in person.
“so,” he began, sitting across from you, “any ideas for the project?”
you cleared your throat, trying to focus. “uh, maybe something about robots and humanity? like, exploring ethical dilemmas or something.”
wonwoo nodded thoughtfully, his gaze fixed on you in a way that made your skin heat. “good idea. we could tie that into the main themes from class.”
he leaned forward slightly, scrolling through a document on his laptop, and you couldn’t help but notice how his glasses slipped down his nose. you were so not prepared for this level of proximity or his stupidly deep voice.
“you okay?” he asked again, glancing at you.
you blinked, realizing you’d been staring. “yeah, just...thinking.”
his lips twitched into a small, knowing smile. “good. let me know if you need a break or...anything.”
the way he said anything sent a shiver down your spine. you weren’t sure if it was exhaustion, residual arousal from last night, or the sheer presence of wonwoo in his element, but your brain was a mess.
you were supposed to be helping him with this project, but all you could think about was the way his voice would sound whispering in your ear, saying things that would make onyx_lens blush.
you were so close to winning the “most pathetic college student of the year” award it wasn’t even funny. after much back-and-forth with wonwoo, class president of your downfall, you somehow convinced him to let you walk home alone. except the man still went all soft and paid for a taxi anyway, which, like… thanks? but also stop being so nice, what the hell.
it was nearing 11 p.m. when you got home, and as if on cue, your phone pinged with a notification: onyx_lens’s weekly live is starting.
you stared at it for a second, blinking in disbelief. today’s theme? "neon circuits and orgasm denial (a cyberpunk experience) 8d audio"
sci-fi-themed. of fucking course.
you almost laughed at the audacity of the universe for this one. was this some sort of cosmic joke? was wonwoo onyx_lens?! no way. no goddamn way. you shook off the thought as delulu nonsense and dragged yourself to the bathroom for a quick sponge bath.
by the time you flopped into your chair, headphones on, the live was already in full swing. that voice—that stupidly deep, velvety voice—flooded your ears as the chat buzzed with unhinged comments. onyx purred, and you were done for.
you couldn’t even focus on the sci-fi plot he was spinning, something about rogue androids, monster cock, neon vibrators and human experimentation. his voice wrapped around you like a silk chokehold, and you were gone—just a vibrating mess in your chair, coming undone embarrassingly fast.
fast forward to the next morning: you woke up feeling like a used dishrag. again. headphones still on, your phone dead, and the memory of last night’s live replaying in your brain like a broken record.
by the time you dragged yourself to class, you were running on fumes and vibes. your hoodie was scrunched up around your face, making you look like a cross between a gremlin and an overgrown baby.
wonwoo noticed. you could feel his eyes boring into you as you tried—and failed—to stay upright. you were so close to just giving in and laying flat on the floor. honestly, it might’ve been comfier than your chair at that point.
wonwoo, sitting two rows away, looked like he was internally debating whether to intervene or let you rot in peace. when the bell rang, you startled awake like you’d been electrocuted, nearly knocking your stuff off your desk in the process.
“you okay?” he asked, falling into step beside you as you shuffled out of the classroom like a zombie.
“i’m fine,” you mumbled, voice muffled by your hoodie. “just need food. like, now.”
you detoured to the convenience store on the way to his apartment, snagging an entire kimbap roll and tearing into it like a starving animal. wonwoo followed behind, holding your water bottle with a look that was equal parts judgment and amusement.
“you couldn’t wait?” he asked, watching as you ate half the roll in one bite.
“bro,” you said around a mouthful of rice, “if i didn’t eat this, i was gonna pass out on the cold asphalt. your problem now, mr. class president.”
he rolled his eyes but didn’t argue, just handed you your water like the reluctant babysitter he was.
this was going to be a long afternoon.
you couldn’t help yourself. the suspicion had been eating away at you for weeks now, ever since you first heard his voice in class and that nagging sense of déjà vu set in. wonwoo had escaped to the bathroom, and you had the perfect opportunity to snoop.
your fingers hovered over his notebook, but then your gaze darted back to your own screen. back and forth, back and forth. his notebook. yours. the coincidences were piling up like a conspiracy wall in your head. the voice, the specific vocabulary choices, even the cadence—how did i not notice this earlier?!
“fuck it,” you whispered to yourself, grabbing his notebook and quickly pulling up the site where you normally streamed your favorite asmr creator. just to check. just to confirm your theory.
your heart pounded as the site loaded, every second dragging like molasses. the channel page opened, and at first, it seemed normal. too normal. you almost clicked away, feeling stupid for even suspecting anything.
but then you saw it: edit profile. analytics.
your breath caught, and a sharp scoff escaped you as you crossed your arms. oh, my god. the realization hit you like a freight train. it’s him. wonwoo. class president. sci-fi nerd. “how the fuck did i not notice?” you muttered, half impressed by his audacity.
you were so lost in your spiraling thoughts that you didn’t hear him return—until his voice, practically kissed your earlobe.
“what. do. you. think. you. are. doing?”
you jumped so hard your knee slammed into the underside of the desk. whipping around, you found wonwoo standing over you, his expression unreadable but his jaw tight.
“uh—nothing?” you stammered, trying to slam your laptop shut, but his hand darted out and stopped you.
“‘nothing’ doesn’t look like you snooping through my computer,” he said, his voice dangerously calm.
your cheeks burned. “okay, fine, maybe i was curious—”
“you were curious?” his tone sharpened. “curious enough to invade my privacy?”
“invade your—bro, you’re literally whispering dirty robot sex fantasies to the entire internet. how is that private?”
“that’s different!” his ears flushed a deep red, and you couldn’t tell if it was from anger or embarrassment. “that’s content. this—this is personal.”
you rolled your eyes, leaning back in your chair. “oh, please. you’re mad i figured it out. admit it.”
he leaned closer, towering over you now, his hand pressing down on the desk beside you. “what do you want, huh? blackmail? are you gonna tell everyone?”
you laughed, loud and incredulous. “tell everyone?! dude, relax. i’m not gonna expose your little side hustle. besides…” you smirked, tilting your head to look up at him. “you should be thanking me. clearly, i’m a fan.”
wonwoo’s eyes darkened, and his lips parted as if to say something, but no words came out. 
“you’re a what?” he asks, your pulse skyrocketing as he stepped even closer, crowding you against the chair.
“did i stutter?” you whispered, the challenge clear in your tone.
his mouth crashed onto yours, teeth and tongue and frustration. you barely had time to process it before he was yanking you out of the chair, his hands rough as they gripped your hips and spun you around.
“you want to act like a brat,” he growled into your ear, his voice so reminiscent of his asmr persona that it made you roll your eyes back slighty, “then you’re gonna get treated like one.”
he bent you over the desk, the cold surface pressing against your chest as he yanked down your college skirt and underwear at once. his fingers slid through your folds, already slick just from being around him.
“so fucking wet,” he muttered, almost to himself. “you get off on this, don’t you? knowing it’s me.”
“shut your mouth,” you gasped, but it came out more like a moan as he pushed two fingers inside you, curling them and pressing them hard on your front wall.
“make me,” he challenged, his other hand coming down sharply on your ass. the sting made you gasp, your hips jerking against his hand as you tense on the desk.
the pace of his fingers was relentless, his thumb circling your clit in time with the thrusts. every part of your body was starting to be feveirsh, and you hated—hated—how easily he was unraveling you. you spent nights thinking about how it would be if onyx fucked you, and here you are. of course you would be a mess in a second.
“sorry” he mocked you. “am i too much for you?”
you clenched around his fingers, your nails digging into the desk as you tried to hold back a moan. “you talk too fucking much actually wonwoo,” you hissed.
“yeah, that's what's paying me at nights” wonwoo chuckled darkly, pulling his fingers out and flipping you onto your back with his big arms. before you could protest, he was kneeling between your legs, his mouth suddenly hot and insistent against your core, better than any other vibrator you insisted on using at night.
the sounds—the wet, obscene sounds of his tongue—mixed with your whimpers as he devoured you like a man starved. his hands gripped your thighs, holding you open as you tried to squirm away from the overwhelming sensation.
“stop—”
“stop?” he looked up, his chin glistening. “not until you admit i’m your favorite.”
you glared down at him, breathless and defiant. “you’re such an asshole.”
“and yet…” he smirked, diving back in and flicking his tongue against your clit until your head fell back, a broken moan spilling from your lips.
it didn’t take long before you were coming undone, your body shaking as his mouth pulled your clit. wonwoo didn’t stop, didn’t even slow down, dragging out your orgasm until you were a trembling, incoherent chaos beneath him.
wonwoo doesn’t waste a second after pulling back, his hands flipping you over again so you’re bent over the desk, your cheek pressed to the cool surface as he grinds against you. the thick outline of his cock rubs against your dripping folds, still covered by the soft fabric of his grey sweatpants. you gasp, your hips jerking back involuntarily, and his pearly-white smile flashes above you.
“look at that,” he murmurs, almost smug, as a dark spot begins to spread on his sweatpants from your slick. “you’re soaking me through.”
the way he emphasizes the word makes your back contort in shivers, but you’re too far gone to care. your fingers claw at the desk as he keeps humping against you, his pace quickening. when he finally pulls back, you hear the shuffle of fabric as he yanks down his sweatpants and briefs. the soft clink of a drawer opening catches your attention, and you crane your neck to see him sliding on a condom.
“you’re still melting all over my desk,” he rubs a hand over the curve of your ass. “can’t even wait for me, huh?”
before you can respond, his hand comes down sharply on your ass, the sting making you gasp. he doesn’t stop, spanking you again and again until your skin is flushed and burning.
“you look so pretty like this,” he says, his hand smoothing over the heated skin before gripping your waist and lining himself up. “all messy and desperate for me.”
when he pushes in, stretching you inch by inch until you’re full and breathless, pussy trying to clench at his big grith to adjust. wonwoo groans, his head falling forward as he sinks in to the hilt.
your walls flutter around him, and he moans at the feeling, the sound so real and raw that it sends a jolt straight to your core.
“talk to me,” you manage to gasp, your voice muffled against the desk.
he chuckles, his pace picking up as he leans down to whisper in your ear. “you want me to talk dirty? you want me to tell you how tight you are? how good you’re taking me?”
you moan in response, your hips bucking back against him as his words send you curling.
“yeah, you like that, don’t you?” he continues, his voice thick with lust. your moans grow louder, and he suddenly remembers the videos you must’ve listened to—the whining, the moaning. the thought makes his stomach flip, and he decides to give you exactly what you want.
he starts letting out soft whimpers, his voice breaking with each thrust, the sounds spilling out almost involuntarily. “fuck, babe, you’re gonna make me cum—”
the genuine desperation in his voice drives you wild, and your body clenches around him, pulling him deeper. he groans, his hands gripping your hips so tightly you’re sure they’ll leave marks, but you don’t care.
“please,” he moans, his voice high and strained. “let me cum for you. let me—fuck—”
you push back against him, meeting his thrusts as your own climax builds, your breaths coming in short, broken gasps. the room is filled with the wet, obscene sounds of your bodies moving together, and the tension snaps all at once.
you come hard, your body shaking as you cry out, and wonwoo isn’t far behind. his hips stutter, a guttural moan escaping him as he spills into the condom, his body trembling with the force of it.
he collapses over you, his chest heaving against your back as you both try to catch your breath. after a moment, he presses a soft kiss to the back of your neck, his voice still hoarse as he murmurs, “guess i’m a little better live, hm?”
you just let out a defeated moan, the coldness of the table soothing your hot cheeks.
“keep quiet about this, and i'll keep giving you more.” well, it's just an excuse that wonwoo said to fuck you over again.
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PCCP's 2024 multi-chapter fic roundup
I just wanted to take a moment here to celebrate some of my favorite multi-chapter fics I wrote in 2024! I have had so much joy in writing these and sharing them, and if you're looking for something to read, maybe give one of them a shot?
"Seabird, Fly Home" is my favorite fic I wrote this year. This is a reincarnation fic with heavy themes of grief, loss, and mourning, in which paranormal investigators Ed and Stede uncover the mystery behind their past lives. Very angsty but with a very happy ending. Rated M, 57k words.
"Star Waka" was the last multi-chapter fic I wrote this year and another stand-out favorite. Centered around ideas of identity, community, and learning to love being alive after you've given up on it, this is a sci-fi space trucker au. When starship captain Ed is assigned to mentor newbie captain Stede after a failed suicide attempt, he's able to come home to himself. Rated M, 55k words, and I think this fic really proves how much I've grown as a writer this year.
"Where We Belong: a Duet" is a former hitman!Ed au, and the longest fic I wrote this year. You like whump? Stede joyfully learning to Do Crimes? Then this one's for you! After stumbling onto Stede's doorstep after a last case gone wrong, all Ed wants is a quiet life, but as Stede tries to keep the peace only to find trouble constantly brewing on the horizon, they have to work for their happy ending. Rated E, 115k words.
"On a Bright Day, Next Week" started out as a Portal 2 au and took on a life of its own! In this sci-fi au, Stede wakes up in the cryosleep lobby at Queen Anne Research Laboratories, and must work with the erratic AI system ED to uncover the mystery of what happened there. Rated M, 54k words.
"This Sudden Burst of Sunlight" is such a special fic, centered around depressed, heavily suicidal Ed choosing to live after he's given up on a happy ending. Very angsty but so happy at the end! Rated E, 72k words.
"Dear Ed, Again" is such a fun fic and I just love it! When punk rockstar Ed and freshly-out Stede decide to run away from their lives together, they fake a relationship to prove to everyone in their lives that they're better off alone. As they heal with each other, they discover there's so much love still waiting for them. Rated E, 78k words.
"My Ocean Deep" was my first fic of 2024! This actual kraken!Ed au is sweet, whumpy, and has a super happy ending. Featuring cryptid hunter Stede teaming up with Ed, who just happens to be the kraken they're looking for, with lots of crew hijinks and perhaps my favorite Ned Low ever (what if he was just a really fucked-up marine biologist?) Rated E, 65k words.
"If I Get Lost Along the Way" is one I personally re-read often. After getting out of a string of abusive relationships, Ed meets Stede, they hit it off after going to key his ex's car at the same time, and they help each other learn to build a life they're excited to live. Rated E, 75k words.
"Everything That Rises Must Converge" is the shortest on this list, but I think it still hits hard! This is a twist on the post-s2 spitefic genre, with Ed being convinced their inn is haunted and their happy ending is crumbling apart, and as he unpacks his fear and allows himself to feel safe for the first time, their house shifts from a source of terror into a home. Rated M, 6k words.
"Sounds Like Pearls" is my first foray into writing age regression fic! More than anything, this fic is a character study into Ed's childhood trauma and its lingering effects, but it also has plenty of fluff, cute little!Ed moments, and healing for both Ed and Stede. Rated T, 44k words.
"Ed and Stede's Super Special Top Surgery Vlogs" is a step away from my usual prose style, as this fic is told entirely through videos on Stede's YouTube channel as he and Ed go through the process of Ed's top surgery. Very personal and filled with trans joy! Rated T, 19k words.
Thank you so, so much for everyone who's read along with any one of these fics! They've all been a joy and a pleasure to share. <3
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callixton · 9 months ago
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i could not. possibly fucking describe the night i’ve just had
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fluentisonus · 1 month ago
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working in a factory has you thinking so much about the insane chain of labor & transport that goes into making literally anything
#like first you realize that You are making & doing things that you previously had thought - if you'd thought abt it at all - were automated#& you become incredibly aware of how all the materials you're working with came from somewhere - these plastic clips are from france; this#fabric is from india etc. and that there are people in factories there making those things and that they are also probably getting their#materials from somewhere#one of the little things that makes me think about this the most is we have these 50m rolls of cotton banding we see onto canvas & nets#and in theory it should be all one piece but sometimes it's actually two pieces which you discover when you get far enough in the roll and#find that there's a join where it's been stitched together by hand (!). which is a little annoying bc we can't use that bit so you have#to cut that but out & stitch it together again on the machine which interrupts what you were sewing before & slows you down But it's so#striking to me bc like it's really easy to look at this banding & it's so exactly the same & obviously machine made it's Really easy to#forget that there are people there running these machines. who notice there's a break & have to stop what they're doing & get a needle &#thread and stitch it together. by hand! like someone somewhere has handled exactly where I'm touching it & i don't even know where in the#world they are!#the other place this happens is often on the selvedge edge of the fabric there's writing in pencil i don't know ye meaning of but evidently#was important to the process somewhere & someone wrote that out#idk like it's really easy to watch those videos of really specific machines in factories & convince yourself that everything is automated#but the truth is the vast majority of stuff is not & is made by people doing that. & even when it is there are people running those machine#<- and i'm not saying this in a soppy way tbc. this whole system is a nightmare of exploitation & to some degree I'm just continually amaze#by how insane this whole process is & also how completely un-transparent it is unless you are made to think abt it#another thing is noticeable when you look at our orders that most of what we sell isn't to customers it's to shops who then sell to custome#which then makes you think like. those plastic clips from france are they actually made in france or are we just buying them from france?#are they actually made by underpaid people in a country the name of which is completely lost to the chain of production at this point#anyways none of this is new it's just when you are working in a factory using this stuff you start wondering like.#what's the factory like that the person who stitched this banding together like. what's their day like there#wish we could talk abt how fucked up this all is - for them especially probably - together#thoughts
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vikvampir3 · 3 months ago
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Tfw when I realize I’ve known this whole time my dazai and general bsd hyperfixation was self destructive and I kinda don’t care
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buggbuzz · 1 year ago
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my gender is like meat leaf i think. boy materials in the structure of girl. like im a girl made out of boy things but not in a transman way like i like being female im just. a girl-leaning boygirl. maybe??
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#u dont understand ive been insisting to all of my friends for like 6 years that im NOT a trans man#i cannot be proven wrong at this point i'll lose it#and anyways im not actually a guy#im definitely a girl just like. a type of girl that scientists haven't discovered yet#and that sounds like a joke but im soooo fucking serious#im a fucking student geneticist dude#i think theres some autosomal gene (or probably multiple) that regulate gender in convoluted ways#probably linked and i think there's probably multiple types of fem and masc genders not to mention non fem OR masc genders#codominant? incomplete dominance? is it different on different scales?#its a completely possible and furthermore plausible concept like from my perspective it'd be really weird if gender genetics weren't a thing#i think theyve already lowkey been proven to be a thing cause of that paper comparing trans brains to cis brains#& finding a link where trans men had a certain section that was the same as cis men#and that same section in trans women was the same in cis women#its an OLD study too#anyways i want to research this one day but i also dont because i dont trust humanity with that information#but if i found proof that it exists maybe it could seriously back trans people with scientific evidence#not that they should fucking NEED it testimony should be fucking good enough#ive been bio obsessed since i was born and im a natural skeptic#but when i was 11 i asked a trans person i knew like 2 fucking questions and they answered me and i was like 'yeah this makes sense'#figured anything that didnt make sense was just something i didnt understand yet#and now that im older and in college level biology and genetics classes i know i was right#it would be really really weird if trans people didnt exist did you know that? all the kinds too like nb genderfluid agender genderq demi#i dont fucking care it makes SENSE#'nonbinary' was a good term to adopt because it really just fits perfectly#nothing in biology is ever ever ever truly binary especially not a neurological and psychological phenomenon#especially not in a species with a brain so overly complex and tangled up like HOMO SAPIENS??#are you kidding?? the fact that we even have a concept of art and music let alone have talents and passions for them is proof alone dude#that shit doesn't help us survive its a modified version of pattern recognition and uncanny valley#combine that shit with the fact that intersex people exist?? like#nonbinary gender is literally the combination of intersexuality and human neurology
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bisexualseraphim · 1 year ago
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Do queer people who gatekeep sexualities and gender identities have nothing better to do like genuinely what is your problem. The whole point of the community is that gender and sexuality are more fuckity wuckity than man or woman, gay or straight and in almost 2024 we STILL have mfs going “nah that’s not a thing :/ you don’t belong in the community” unless they’re causing harm to others I seriously urge you to shut the fuck up. It is the easiest thing in the world to just say “hmm I don’t really understand that. But it’s their life and none of my business” and just move on with your life and let people live theirs. I do not give one iota of a fuck if someone identifies as a wolfgender they/them/bun/bunself AMAB transmasc who is only attracted to butches with curly hair and brown eyes IT DOES NOT AFFECT ME. I’m happy that they’ve found a way to express their identity that feels true to them and then I think about it no further. Like it takes active mental energy and emotion to get pressed over how someone expresses themselves and I don’t understand why you’d put yourself through that stress and then decide to be bitchy and make people feel like shit for being themselves. I’m seriously getting so tired of people in the community acting like it’s a fucking competition or you can only join if you meet X Y and Z criteria as if it’s some college mean girls sorority club. People are actively trying to take our rights away all the time and while this is happening we’re helping them by tearing our teeth into our own. Great
#I’ve just had enough of it exclusionists can fuck off I want nothing to do with you#You’re honestly no better than those LGB Without The T dickheads trying to kick people out for being ‘too weird’ or ‘not queer enough’#I’m always seeing people saying intersex people don’t belong or asexual people don’t belong. What the fuck is wrong with you#You think cishets just treat them normally once they explain who they are? I’d love to live in your world#Yeah they get treated totally fine in a world where ‘virgin’ is used as an insult and babies have forced genital surgery#[sarcasm]#Absolute dumbassery mental gymnastics Jesus Christ#You sound like edgy Conservatives with all the ‘X isn’t real it’s a new thing kids have made up’#That ‘weird’ gender or sexuality label you’ve just found out about? Has always been around#Always. You just have to look for it#And even if it is new WHO. FUCKING. CARES.#The last thing someone who’s just discovered themselves needs is more bigotry from the people who are meant to accept them#Unless they’re literally doing blackface or are an actual zoophile or some shit leave them the fuck alone they’re not hurting anyone#They’re not. I promise you being confused by something you don’t understand isn’t harm#Where’s that post about how discomfort and harm aren’t the same thing#Work on that shit.#Anyway I need to stop you all do my fucking head in#personal#vent#rant#queer discourse#queer politics#queer infighting#queerphobia#lgbtq#queer#trans#transphobia#acephobia#anti exclusionist
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aro-culture-is · 2 years ago
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Aro working retail culture is resisting the urge to commit a felony /hj
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#Anonymous#aro culture is#aro#aromantic#actually aro#actually aromantic#ask#mod phoenix#same from a fellow service industry person#today at my workplace - across the street from a state capitol - we discovered it was a major meeting day for a lot of legislative bodies#because we are a coffeeshop. and do u know how fucking terrible it is to have a fucking sea of politicians staring at u from the line#in a *swing-state* with R legislators#so many of them acted like it pained them to have to interact with me and/or our shop#especially the white 30-something dudes who probably passed at least hmmm 5 homeless people walking to our shop#and despite being a white bougie kinda place we have an open door policy for said homeless to come in and warm up / freely use our bathroom#so i also got to see a lot of fun expressions when they'd suddenly realize there was someone sleeping in a corner quietly#wish i could have kicked several of these dudes where it hurts#there was also one person who i'd bet money was a dem and had the gay voice but was like. still a self-important white dude that somehow#found a way to be both friendly and clearly looking down on me#just. service workers :handshake: desire to commit a fucking felony#also quick pro-tip from ur local coffee-shop workers: if you are upset that we double-cup or use hot sleeves for ur coffee/tea cups#consider: don't! we are also handling them. the individual use of the plastic involved is something you should take up with corporate#not the workers who like to not get burned#such as me :) who got burned :) because the very fresh pot of coffee was hot and the cup wasn't as stable as usual and crumpled :)#and spilled coffee on me :)#at a fresh probable-205F temp#(not a bad burn - thankfully it wasn't much#just a lil redness#tbh the hot water for tea and americanos is so much more dangerous#since that's coming directly at 205 degrees out of the spout and possibly onto our hands (it sputters / leaks sometimes)
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hecksupremechips · 10 months ago
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Posts about bpd need to stop being so damn relatable to me 🤨
#listen im not saying i must have bpd cuz of a bunch of relatable tumblr posts dont clutch your pearls on me#but hm im starting to get suspicious ajsjk#just been spending these past few months really digging into my deeply repressed memories and emotions and i keep discovering more and more#fucked up shit lol like first its being forced to acknowledge that i have a bit more than some ‘minor trauma’#and that ive actually just been like horribly abused like. my entire life and still am 😟#then it was like really trying to think about myself and what ive done to cope with abuse and like ive constructed an entire person#to just live as whenever im in the abusive situations and when i was removed from the situation for the first time ever#i had like a huge crash a huge crisis i both functioned way better than everyone said i would like suspiciously better#but also way worse at the same time#i could handle all the responsibilities of living alone i never once felt scared or homesick i was clean i was efficient i used money wisely#but i also felt like i was dying and i couldnt function when my persona dropped#cuz i didnt need to be that person anymore i could finally be me but then like. who even is me ive never gotten to find out#i dont know basic ways to behave i still have no clue how to exist or what i truly want vs what i pretended to want#its all completely muddled and its hard to explain that i cant tell whats genuine with me and whats fake#cuz ive been forced to live the fake shit my entire life you know? ive had to and i had to accept it#ive never gotten to make any of my own actual decisions and at the same time i have to decide everything for everyone else#im the parent of my parents but never was the child and the child is still there asking for attention but no one is there#then you know i had to return to the abuse and so its like i did get to taste freedom but not for long and i spent all my time in that#crisis mode so it wasnt exactly a fun filled time but being back here is much worse than before cuz now i know whats happening#and how i have to perform and its like how do i discover anything about myself in this kinda environment and no one understands the turmoil#the reason why something simple like wearing different shoes is so impossible for me#its just a horrible environment to be in i am in hell constantly ive no clue whats happening and im very obsessive over everything#aaaaghhhhhhh help girl help lol
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floorpancakes · 2 years ago
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🤔
#another random fic hc#the storys gonna be VERY anachronistic in nature just because but#himawari living day to day w her not-curse is a rly fucking fascinating thing to me#especially if she moves away and wants to have independence and feels kinda shitty relying on others#theres probably a lot of stuff shed have a complex about#especially if she insists she can go do smth else elsewhere away from her friends she might put on an act/drop her sunshiney nature#not out of actual want to do so but cause she thinks its for the best#theres a lot of potential for her to deal w a lot of the same mental shit that characters like 🐣 do#hedgehog dilemma type shot#i feel like the worst thing for somekne that worries abt being a burden could be is actually causing harm w zero control#plopping her in a new environment makes sense but shed probably retreat inwards#also if a lot of it is due to like physical proximity shed probably live away from a campus or something in a bungalow to prevent accidents#somewhere theres not people directly arojnd#theres an idea i had about her joining an occult type circle and trying to keep up the antisocial act#and someone trying to work her out of that when discovering her real self by accident slipping#also it makes sense that shed be a streamer#she craves social interaction but is probably scared off away from pursuing it further aside from her preexisting friends#and itd create a paradox where it gives and takes away from her as a person#least she has a feathered friend but i feel like shed be a total mess at uni#this sounds depressing but i have fun ideas for her too#anyway just some random thoughts i had in my head for the fic
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shame-kink · 10 months ago
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brain. please.
#its 'sleep debt' i'm like 90% sure but i'm in such an easily uh. reactible? triggerable???? my brain sees stimulus and starts slamming#buttons.#i'm fully composed just like - i saw some furries that looks similar to character featured in NOT BAD but emotionally challenging (to my#personal foibles the art itself was quite wholesome) art that lives rent free in this one out-of-the-way but easily-seen-in-passing part of#my brain and my heart just sank like a fucking ROCK lmao#followed by the actually rather excited (because i don't actually bear the particular art i was reminded by ill will) going to figure out i#it was The Same Artist - wasn't! made sense the masc one was much better put together#for the record the other art was characters wholesomely discovering their sexualities to be Different than they previously knew.#of course my gender/sexuality ocd self hears that and feels like she's being boiled alive ha-ha~!#significantly more offended that a sicko from the *other* side of the fence saw it though and thought#'oh this will go great in the same pool as a load'a dykebreaking crap!!!' ITS CUTE AND SWEET AND THEYRE TEXTUALLY BI ASSHOLE#like one of the images is poorly worded who cares jump off a cliff#(found the art looking up 'insert normie term for gnc masc x gnc fem' stuff i wasn't even trying to gaze at THAT abyss)#....lowkey hate it that aesthetically a solid chunk of my preferences are trapped in 'femboy x tomboy' art like...#bro those aren't the genders i want/need sdhgdsklsgdhlk i can close my brain and pretend its not what the lore says but how fucking hard is#it to find decent sapphic art with trans women in it where they AREN'T big boobie breasted transitioning-like#(i literally have ocs that are t4t lesbians who are virtually indistinguishable not-being-furries-aside from some of the art i've found its#god it fucking kills me i need to get more comfortable drawing for PLEASUREEEEE AAAAAAAAAAA)#but those sorts of 'noone quite makes what i wanna see. i wanna draw it.' moods ALWAYS JUST FUCKING GO AWAY ONCE I GET MORE ENERGY IN ME TO#DO THINGS!!!!! I'M ONLY CREATIVELY ENERGIZED WHEN IM FUCKING NAPPING WHEN I'M AWAKE ITS EITHER HYPERFIXATION OR BIDEO GAMES#AND LIKE. I HAVE LONG TERM ART PROJECTS IN THE HYPERFIXATION ZONE. BUT THAT ISN'T THE FUN SHIT I COULD BE DOING IN THE MEANTIME#-WHICH'D ACTUALLY HELP PRACTICE FOR THE BIG LEAGUES!!!!!!!!#god i'm getting a headache. wanted to get to bed early today. its still early for me despite being 1:00 but like STILL phooey
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devotedlystrangewizard · 1 year ago
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im not doing dark urge as my first playthrough im not doing dark urge as my first playthrough im n-
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teambyler · 1 month ago
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My video "A LAWYER'S EVIDENCE that Mike and Will become a romantic pair in Stranger Things" is out!
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Many of you have followed me ( @teambyler ) or read my essays analyzing Byler (I've linked some of the most-shared ones below). I am actually also a LAWYER who has a YouTube channel called RONALD OFF THE RECORD, and I just released my big video on Byler! (I also have another YouTube channel with 45K subscribers that I mention in the video)
I'm prepared to put my professional reputation as a lawyer on the line to comment on a piece of science fiction, because goddammit this is important to me! It is not "delusional" to think Will and Mike will become a couple, and there is nothing wrong with you if want it to happen! This is a video essay I've been planning for at least SIX MONTHS, and I put a lot of work into it. Please share, and please leave comments. Enjoy! =D
0:00 Why this video 1:38 Hate for Byler on the internet 10:16 Case for Mileven 15:21 Case for Byler: Starting premises 17:56 If Will were a girl… 25:30 The evidence! 29:05 EXHIBIT A: The Snow Ball 31:34 B: Mike's reactions to El and Will being upset 34:21 C: Season 3 ending montage 39:16 D: Airport reunion 47:51 E: Rink-O-Mania argument 51:28 F: Heteronormativity, audience expectations 58:25 G: Throwing away the letter 59:55 H: 2nd heart-to-heart scene 1:05:43 I: Mike can't say he loves El 1:13:27 J: Platonic reunion 1:15:12 K: Will's role convincing Mike to say "I love you" 1:20:08 L: Effect of the "love confession" on El 1:39:54 M: The Painting Lie 1:43:22 Honorable mentions 1:45:27 Non-diegetic evidence 2:01:23 Actor statements 2:10:34 NOT how you write an unrequited love story 2:16:07 Why Byler SHOULD happen (queerbaiting, etc.) 2:28:21 A more powerful story 2:35:45 A personal note
I'm now making this my new pinned post, so I'll list a few of my posts here for people to check out.
ADDITIONS: -28:00 On "We should normalize same-sex friends being affectionate, they don't have to be gay," I should have been clearer. HOMOPHOBIA is the reason for that stigma. Straight friends feeling like they can be affectionate in our society HAS to include normalizing LGBT+ people. -1:16:55 I should've said this more clearly: Will reminded Mike that who HE is, HIS unique qualities, make him worthy of love and make El love him, not dumb luck. And Will of course could convey that because Will loves the actual nerd MIke and everything he is. -1:17:06 Mike making El "not feel like a mistake" doesn't fit El, because she says that Mike looks at her "like I'm a monster, too". Nor did she "push you away because she was afraid of losing you". That's Will, not El. Mike felt love because Will was describing himself. -1:52:36 I forgot to mention that, in the original Nina opera, Nina's lover is ALIVE and DOES return. The Duffers changed the story so that Nina's lover does NOT return, to further suggest Mike won't return! -2:35:22 I'm kicking myself for not being more specific about Mike and Will being heroes in more than one way: I think the theme of bullying from s1 will return, with Will (and also Mike) having to face bullying for being boyfriends in Hawkins.
EDIT: I hit 1000 subs, only to discover THIS VIDEO CANNOT BE MONETIZED. ='( I think I put over 100 hours of work in this video, and this isn't sustainable for me unless I get support. This also means I can't make public videos with the same quality -- using show clips and music makes a stronger impact. I've considered deleting and reposting an edit, but that would losing all the wonderful comments and CUTTING OUT THE LAST SCENE. ='( ='( ='( NO. FUCKING. WAY.
So this is what'll happen: future videos NOT use clips and music to the same extent, except versions I post on my Patreon. And I need Patrons because I don't make money as a social-justice lawyer, and rely on that plus YouTube ads. Here's the Patreon link! (Any future video will be clipped, with the full version on Patreon) https://www.patreon.com/c/theruleslawyer
Some other @teambyler posts:
Mike was saying "I love you" to Will
Questions to ask if ever you have Byler doubt
How the Duffers have set Will up to have a happy ending in Season 5
The most heartbreaking way Byler can culminate (and how I predict it will) (I know this is less likely than an "escape from Camazotz" possession scenario, but I still want this to happen =D )
How the Duffers likely will make the general audience AWARE of Byler and CHEER for Byler
-teambyler
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justsomuchhacking · 18 days ago
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So like another thing about the transgender mecha discourse is like... the mech can be a metaphor for empowerment and an extension of the customizable self, but specifically for transfemmes the metaphor also works in the other direction!
The mech is safe. And it is familiar, and you have gotten used to controlling it. You are told that your highest purpose is violence, but that's not true about you, though it might be true of the mech.
The mech is safe. It is many layers of cold steel and machinery between you and the world. When people see the mech, they see power and strength. But you will have to crawl out of it if you wish to be seen and known by your name, instead of your callsign*.
The mech is safe. It does not take courage to pilot - it takes courage to leave. Anonymous, stoic violence in a shell that is not your body vs the horrifying ordeal of crawling out of a numb pile of metal and hoping people will love the weird-looking girl who is a little unused to socializing. On account of all the mech-piloting.
Anyway if I was going to write transgender mecha fiction the robot would be the closet. War is hell, truth is life, get out of the fucking robot, girl, and live!
Other small things I would include in an anti-war transgender mecha story:
"Why did you stop being a mecha pilot? You were so good at it!"
Patriarchal military industrial complex discovers trans people are just better at using the weird neural mech piloting interface. This plays out as badly as you'd expect.
"cis" pilot who has an unusually high sync with the mecha and the veteran pilots who Definitely Know.
Nothing good ever happens as a result of mecha battles and the reader should start to feel anxious about which beloved character Isn't Going To Be The Same after this one.
This would of course be very difficult to pull off in a way that's like... as fundamentally entertaining as giant robot fights where the giant robot is a metaphor for personal agency and the power of the individual, where a very traumatized trans girl incinerates mecha hitler with a blue-and-pink laser beam she got from self-actualizing. I recognize that my version is harder to make and definitely not for everyone. But I think it should be made. Both should be made!
*historical note here about callsigns - in fiction people choose their own but in the military these are chosen for you by your unit - and if yours is cool it usually means that your unit thinks you're a dweeb. If you try to make people use a callsign you chose for yourself, there is no doubt at all about whether you are a dweeb. So for me a callsign is a terrible stand-in for a true name. Knowing this fact ruins movies, because every Cool Callsign Protagonist makes you think "Iceman? Oh, he definitely got caught masturbating in the walk-in freezer".
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hueseok · 7 days ago
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it was always you (from the vault)
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originally titled: take my breath away.
a.k.a. the original draft for my “it was always you” fic wherein naval aviator!jungkook is your cocky soon-to-be-ex-husband who won’t sign your divorce papers because he’s still in love with you lol.
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pairing: jungkook x reader
word count: 4.5k
content: fluff, semi-angst, exes to ??? | ft. naval aviator!jungkook + husband!jungkook
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warning: what you’re about to read (if you do choose to read this) is an unfinished work which perhaps will forever be unfinished.
the only reason i’m posting it because i feel like it’d be a waste to let it rot in my drafts considering that i really liked how it went until the moment i stopped writing hehehehe. i’ve also thought about continuing this story but since i already have an existing naval aviator!jungkook in my masterlist, i felt like it’d be redundant to post this!
anyhow, since a lot of you showed so much love to “it was always you”, i thought it’d be nice to share this 🥹
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You really hoped that flying for almost three hours and experiencing horrid turbulence during half of the trip was going to be worth it. But again, that was only the first part of the whole charade; the real challenge would begin perhaps much later, when you finally come face to face with the person that you were scheduled to meet.
As you walked inside the bar, the nerves that previously weren’t there started to crawl from your chest to your legs, making it harder to reach the counter where a vacant bar stool stood. You didn’t even know why you were suddenly nervous—although you could only guess that the sudden burst of anxiety was rooted from talking again to the most stubborn man ever to walk on earth—and you were already preparing yourself for the long conversation you were going to have with him and possibly the extended leave you’ll have to inform your boss for this trip because of his infamous stubbornness.
“____?” a familiar voice abruptly called out for you after you finished ordering a mug of beer from the barmaid, “no fucking way. It can’t be.”
You turned to your left and saw Jung Hoseok.
Spoiler: he wasn’t the person you were going to meet today, which made seeing him such a delight. You grinned immediately upon making eye contact, hopping out of your chair and exclaiming his name with the same enthusiasm he let out when he did realize it was you who he was looking at.
“Holy shit. What are you doing here?” He automatically engulfed you in a tight embrace when you initiated. You noticed that he was wearing an off duty attire, a plain black polo shirt and blue jeans, his hair kept neat and short. “Actually, scratch that—there’s only one person you should be here for.”
You bothered to smile. “Yeah. I’m guessing he didn’t tell anyone I’m visiting, huh?”
“Nope. He 100% kept it a secret because he knows that we’re going to steal you away if he spills.”
“We?” you mused. You didn’t even know that he was training with Hoseok, and now you’re discovering that Hoseok’s apparently not the only friend he has here. “How many of you that I know are training with him?”
Hoseok takes a short pause to think about it. “Hm… well, there’s me, then Yoongi and… Namjoon. That’s just about it.”
“Wow. It’s essentially the whole group again, huh?”
“Yup. I mean, we are the best of the best.” He smirked.
You playfully rolled your eyes.
“And we’ve missed you,” he added swiftly. “I’m a bit mad that your husband didn’t inform us that you’d be here—but again, I’m not surprised.”
“Sorry. I think I have myself to blame for that. I did tell him that I don’t intend to stay here for too long.”
“Why not?”
“I’m just here to make sure he signs the divorce papers.”
Hoseok nodded, thoughtful and a bit disappointed. “Is he giving you a hard time with them?”
“You can say that.” A dramatic sigh escaped you. “He insisted that if I really wanted to get his signature, I should just go here where he’s training.”
“Classic Jungkook.” He laughed, and you agreed with a snort.
He was right, this was all a Classic Jungkook move. 
Sometimes, you didn’t understand why you agreed to marry Jungkook so urgently when he asked for your hand, even after knowing that he did everything he could to ensure that he got what he wanted in the end.
Though that was just that thing, wasn’t it? He knew exactly what to do in order to get what he wanted—and at that time of his proposal, you knew it was you that he sought for.
Despite the fact that Jungkook had only been seeing you for less than a year, he was convinced that you were the love of his life. It was the reason why when he needed to be deployed for a mission, it seemed proposing was the most natural thing to do, going on about how he wanted to be reassured that when he came back for you, you were going to be there waiting for him, not only as a girlfriend, but as his wife.
And you said yes, without missing a beat, because you genuinely loved Jungkook and for you, the both of you were a match made in heaven.
By the two year mark of being a wedded couple though, just being in love with each other wasn’t enough. There were a lot of arguments, irreconcilable differences, a lot of moments wherein you wanted to abandon everything and just disappear—until you finally declared that enough was enough and you were going to file for divorce.
Of course, Jungkook didn’t want to sign them, but he did grant you a little bit of your freedom back. He did so by leaving your shared apartment on a random Thursday, only sending a text that said he was being called by the Navy for a mission he couldn’t disclose per usual, and that if you really wanted to divorce him, you’d just have to wait for him to go back.
He never returned though. Because after that mission, came a next one, and another one, until you heard that he was invited to a naval fighter weapons school in the northern part of the country, close to the seas and where he’ll be training for a few weeks among the best naval aviators in the nation. 
That’s when he decided to invite you over and say that if you wanted his signature, you’d have to be the one who’ll go to him. You initially contemplated for a long time before just going forth with his ridiculous demand. Nonetheless, you figured you were once again left with no choice because here you were now, doing exactly what he wanted to get what you exactly wanted as well.
God, who knew that contrary to how easy it was to enter this marriage, it was an absolute pain to get out of it?
“Do you know where he might be?” you asked Hoseok while taking a sip of your beer. “Or if he’s going here at least?”
“I have no clue,” Hoseok said. “Though I do know that he should have free time. We don’t have training for the rest of the day.”
“I’ll be seriously pissed if he stands me up.”
“He won’t.”
“It’s Jungkook.”
“Yeah, but you’re ____,” he said it like it was reason enough, “and Jungkook can’t resist seeing you. Especially if it’s been what? How many months have passed since you two saw each other?”
You held up six fingers, continuing to gulp down your drink in frustration. “Still, he loves to annoy the shit out of me.”
“It’s his love language.”
“Oh, I’ve been made very aware.”
Hoseok barked out a laugh. He was a huge fan of your dynamic with Jungkook; he was practically there throughout the whole journey of your relationship. As Jungkook’s weapon systems officer, the both of them were thick as thieves, which also made him the best man of the wedding—so deep inside, he wanted to believe that whatever it was that you and Jungkook were dealing with, it would be resolved soon enough.
“Well, it looks like you don’t have to wait for too long.” Hoseok toasted his glass to the direction of the entrance where the Jeon Jungkook entered, removing his aviator sunglasses and hooking it on the collar of his white shirt, worn inside a dark blue long-sleeved polo he was sporting as well.
You followed his line of vision and scowled at the sight of Jungkook. Not because you hated your husband, but because even when in the middle of finalizing a divorce, you couldn’t deny that he was too handsome for his own good.
“I think this is my cue to leave,” Hoseok added, getting off his seat. “It was nice seeing you again, ___. Let’s catch up later, yeah? I’ll conspire with Joon and Yoongi to steal you away.” He smiled mischievously and gave you a sweet chaste kiss on the cheek before walking over to Jungkook, greeting him, pointing to where you were, and then walking to another table where you guessed a bunch of other naval aviators were hanging out.
A sigh escaped you, just in time when Jungkook met your gaze.
He grinned—actually grinned—and you had to prevent your eyes from twitching to not look like some crazy person who didn’t have any self-control. So, instead of plastering the same scowl a few seconds ago for him to see, you flashed a sarcastic smile, waving your hand.
“There’s my beautiful wife,” Jungkook claimed when he was close enough, marching towards you, appearing like he was going to go for a kiss but before he could, you outstretched an arm and stopped him by literally wrapping your fingers around his neck as if you were planning to choke him to death with the gesture (which you were tempted to do).
He rolled his eyes, holding your wrist and bringing it down.
“Can’t I give you a kiss?” he retorted.
“No.”
“And Hoseok can?”
“Hoseok’s my friend.”
“I’m your husband.”
“Ex-husband.”
“Wrong. I haven’t signed any divorce papers, honey, so in the eyes of the law, I’m still very much your husband.” He quickly stole a kiss on the corner of your mouth and you allowed yourself to grimace in annoyance, glaring at him as he took Hoseok’s previous seat.
You watched him order a drink for himself and nachos for sharing. You didn’t say anything while he did all that; you just stared at him, analyzing him, trying to decipher what was going on in that head of his. You honestly had no clue what his thought process was in depriving you of the signature you wanted and then randomly agreeing to meet you again, accompanied with the condition that you’re the one who has to go to him and not the other way around.
As he reasoned, he was still in the middle of training, and he couldn’t just leave even if he wanted to and that’s why you had to make the effort to make this work (he made it clear that he didn’t want to make the effort anyway if it meant it could lead to his and yours divorce).
“How are you?” he asked once he was done ordering and you scoffed.
“Let’s not do that, Jungkook.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me that I’m not allowed to know how you’re doing too.”
“I meant the small talk. Let’s just cut to the chase.”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
“Jungkook.”
“Alright.” He placed an arm against the counter, spinning his stool to face you. “You already know where I stand, though. I still haven’t changed my mind in wanting to work it out first.”
“What? But you told me that if I went here—”
“I would talk to you, not sign the papers,” he finished. “You didn’t really think I’d sign them just like that, right?”
Your stomach dropped.
There goes assuming that the three-hour flight to go here would be worth it.
“I did, actually.” You grumbled. “When are you giving this a rest?”
He seemed annoyed by the rhetoric question. “When are you going to stop thinking that divorce is the answer to our problem?”
“We already did couple’s therapy and that proved to be a waste of time.”
“That’s because you were stubborn and wouldn’t cooperate.”
“Oh, I’m the one who’s stubborn between the both of us? I’m the one who wouldn’t cooperate?”
“Yes.”
“No, I’m not!” You raised your hands up. “You were the one who always said some lame excuse to not attend it with me.”
“Babe, how many times do I have to tell you, my schedule isn’t—”
“Yeah, whatever.” You didn’t let him finish, knowing that he was going to say something about how being in the Navy didn’t grant him the free time you were expecting him to have.
“I’m just saying… you can’t keep on doing this, you know?” you said.
“Can’t keep doing what?”
“Prolonging this. We already broke up, Jungkook. There’s not point in staying married.”
“That’s the thing, though.” He smirked. “I can keep prolonging it.”
Your nostrils flared. “Why?”
“Because I can.”
You think flashes of red were beginning to blur your vision.
Jungkook noticed the rage building up, yet he didn’t back down. “Why are you even so eager to legally separate? Do you plan on getting married again soon?” he asked.
It was supposed to be a joke, because Jungkook didn’t actually think you were seeing anyone at the moment—but at the mention of it, he saw the manner in which your expression slightly shifted, and he narrowed his eyes at you, understanding. “Don’t bullshit me. You aren’t seeing anyone, right?”
You blinked, acting all innocent. “It’s none of your business.”
“It is. You’re still married to me.”
“We’ve broken up for almost a year now, Jungkook.” You groaned, remaining him once again. “If you just signed the goddamn papers, all of this would be out of your hands.”
He scoffed. “You are seeing someone?”
“That is not the point of our conversation.”
“Well, it’s a significant aspect of it.”
“Fine.” You huffed. “I am seeing someone. Happy?”
Jungkook was in fact not happy. He was angry, but then he thought of how he shouldn’t be, because you and him have broken up for almost a year now like you said. Even though he wasn’t in support of that notion, he remembered at least granting you enough freedom to feel like you could date around without thinking about how you were technically cheating on him if ever you did. 
However, he didn’t really think you would find someone. Sure, you were beautiful, you had an amazing personality, there was no question when it came to you attracting men, yet you could be picky most of the time. It was even a miracle how he managed to bag you; though he guessed that he didn’t really have to try that hard in the first place before because the two of you just had so much in common for you to ignore.
“What’s his name?” he asked after a long silence.
You crossed your arms. “Do you have to know?”
“Yes.”
“Fine.” You adjusted yourself in your seat. “It’s Ben.”
Jungkook thought the name sounded stupid. “How long have you been dating him?”
You hesitated, already predicting how he was going to react that you almost exaggerated the answer, but decided against it last minute. “Five weeks.”
He suddenly burst out laughing, the sound echoing inside the bar; it was the exact type of response you were positive he was going to do, proof that you knew him too well and that you shouldn’t have changed your pretense in the first place.
“It’s not funny,” you hissed, noticing that a lot of people were glancing at where you were both situated. “What the hell is funny about what I said?”
“You want to divorce me for a guy you’ve been dating for five weeks?” He carried on snickering; he barely got the whole sentence out because he was too busy catching his breath.
“Of course not! I would just prefer it if I don’t have any baggage left before attempting to commit to another relationship.”
The barmaid came back with Jungkook’s beer and nachos. He thanked her and slid the basket of cheesy nachos to your direction, an offer that you could get a piece if you wanted. However you were neither hungry nor interested in getting anything from him that would elicit a thank you from you, too prideful at this point due to how annoying he was being.
“What does he do for a living?” he asked next.
“I’m not telling you.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re going to make fun of it.”
“Is it worth making fun of?”
“No.”
“Then just tell me.” He threw a chip inside his mouth. 
You pressed your lips together. “He’s a bank clerk.”
Jungkook didn’t laugh this time, but the corners of his mouth were twitching as he grinned, and you found yourself refraining from wanting to strangle him again, questioning why you thought it was a good idea to come here since it was obvious that talking to him properly was an impossible task.
“You’re dating a bank clerk?” he posed the question like it was the most preposterous thing he had heard from you today. “What the hell do the both of you have in common?”
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll have you know that Ben is a very nice guy.”
“That’s what ladies say when a man is horrible in bed.”
“That’s not true.”
“Is he good then?”
“That’s none of your business, Jungkook,” you uttered once more, teeth gritting. “Besides, it’s only been five weeks.”
He smirked. “That’s a no then. It seems that you haven’t slept with him,” he said. “Makes sense. I mean, if you have already slept with another guy, you might be already begging me to get back together. Given that I’m the best sex you’ve ever had.”
You stared at him in disbelief. “How the fuck are you always so arrogant?”
“It comes with the praise I usually get during my escapades, babe.” Jungkook winked at you, hand reaching out for another nacho.
“Oh, so I’m assuming you do have sex with other people now. You know, if you’ve just divorced me, you can go live your happy single life again to go to that without any worries.”
“I don’t sleep with other people—”
“But you just said—”
“I meant before I met you.” He pointed out, giving you a look. “Why are you even thinking about that? Are you jealous?”
“God, you’re fucking impossible.” You practically growled. 
He flashed you another smirk, amused.
“Anyhow,” you began, bringing out the divorce papers from your bag that you should have given him the second you saw him, but as what you think was part of his plan, he did manage to stall you in doing so, “here’s the papers.” You shoved it to his chest, rendering Jungkook no choice but to grab it.
He glanced down at them. “You’re never going to stop until I sign these, huh?”
You nodded. “Never.”
“Fine.” Jungkook flickered his gaze on you. “I’ll sign them.”
You glared at him. “Be serious.”
“I am serious.”
“Are you?”
You were still suspicious, but at the same time, you had high hopes.
“Yes. But I need to meet Ben the bank clerk first.”
Your spirits dropped. “Oh, no, no, no,” you made a huge cross sign with your arms, “you are not giving me another condition just to go against your word in the end.”
“I won’t this time.”
“Yeah, right.” You scoffed loudly.
It was his turn to narrow his eyes at you. “I’m serious. You want my signature or not?”
You bit the insides of your cheeks, gazing at him.
You were no fool, you knew why he wanted to meet him; you knew that it was because he wanted to see it for himself if the guy you replaced him for was actually more good looking than him or at least appeared as if he could survive a fistfight if Jungkook prompted to start one. It was all testosterone and ego, and you contemplated cutting his balls just to get this over with once and for all.
Surely, by then, he would be more agreeable.
“Fine,” you told him. “If you meet him, you’ll sign the papers? Promise?”
He took a sip of his beer, shrugging. “Sure.”
***
Jungkook watched the scene unfold in front of him with an amused expression.
Although he did admit it once that he did get a bit jealous whenever you gave the other guys more attention than him, he loved his best pals too much to care.
It was why he allowed instances like this to happen wherein you made it apparent that you valued their company much more than you did Jungkook. It was evident in the manner in which you laughed loudly as Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon hugged you, each one of them taking turns in lifting your body off the ground a few seconds in glee.
You were seen as a beloved sister to them as they saw Jungkook as a cherished brother in the Navy.
“Alright, that’s enough,” Jungkook reckoned after five seconds.
Namjoon glanced at him, the last one to embrace you. “Jealous?” he teased, reading his mind.
“I am, actually.” Jungkook affirmed. “You three got a better greeting than I did.”
You rolled your eyes at the pettiness of his comment. “That’s because there’s nothing good about seeing you again, Jungkook.”
Jungkook glanced at you. “You wound me, babe.” He placed a dramatic hand on his chest. “Truly, you do.”
The guys stifled a laugh.
Today’s agenda was supposed to be a catch up session with the three guys. News spread quickly yesterday that you were in town thanks to Hoseok, and given that the three of them were good friends of yours, you didn’t decline the offer when Jungkook informed you that they wanted to meet you while you were here.
So, as the next day came in and the evening rolled, they met up with you at the same resto-bar Hoseok found you in. It did seem like the only venue that was both near enough from the academy and the hotel you were staying at that offered adequate food. You observed that the occupants of the place were composed primarily of people wearing naval aviator uniforms or motorcyclists stopping by before going forth with their ride.
“So,” Yoongi began just as Jungkook headed to the counter, volunteering to relay all of your orders to the barmaid, “we heard from a little birdie that you’re seeing someone else.”
You gave him a look. “Still a big gossip, I see.”
“Oh, it’s not counted as gossip if it’s what Jungkook’s been complaining about the whole time at the showers,” Namjoon humored.
Hoseok agreed with a nod. “It’s what he’s been nonstop yapping about earlier when we were flying,” he said. “Seriously, ____. Release the boy from misery and just get back together.”
They watched you grimace. “You all know my relationship with Jungkook has been long complicated for it to be as easy as that.”
“Did he cheat on you?” Namjoon asked.
“No, of course not.” You scoffed. “He’s an annoying shit for the most part but he’s not a cheater.”
He physically relaxed at the confirmation. “Good, because I don’t think I can beat him in a fistfight.”
Yoongi chuckled. “What’s the matter then? You still haven’t spared us any details on why you’re so keen to divorce him.”
“There’s no particular reason,” you sighed with a throw of your hand. “It’s just a compilation of the small things. He’s away most of the time, I’m away most of the time when he’s available—we fight a lot, argue a lot, it just doesn’t seem to be worth fighting for anymore.”
“So, you don’t love him anymore?”
“I…” you trailed, abruptly feeling like you were being interrogated, “I mean, love doesn’t go away easily. And it hasn’t been that long since we called it quits.”
The three men shared a look among themselves.
You straighten your posture. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“What does?” Hoseok queried.
“That look you guys just gave each other. I don’t like it.”
“That’s just their faces, babe,” Jungkook reappeared, taking the liberty to take the seat on your right. “What are you fellas talking about?” he asked his buddies.
They didn’t dare utter a word. You were under the impression that they had an understanding between them that talking about your relationship right in Jungkook’s face was something one should not ought to do.
You, on the other hand, took it as your cue to speak, starting another topic to hopefully erase the previous one. “Ben said he can come. He’s boarding tonight,” you told Jungkook as he’s sipping from his glass of service water.
“That’s good.” He didn’t look as interested as he was yesterday.
“Who’s Ben?” It was Hoseok again.
“The bank clerk,” Jungkook answered.
“The new guy you’re seeing?” Yoongi asked you.
“Yep,” you said before turning to Jungkook. “And can you please refer to him by his name? He’s not just a bank clerk.”
“Is he a boring bank clerk?” Jungkook asked, that teasing smirk flashing on his mouth.
“Will he be here tomorrow?” Namjoon chimed in.
You nodded. “Hopefully.”
“Great,” Jungkook placed his glass down on the table. “It’ll be enough time to get to know him.”
He said ‘enough time’ like his time was limited because it really was. He informed you before you parted ways yesterday that he was graduating from the academy this Friday, and that after that, he was almost 100% sure he was going to be deployed again with some of his classmates for a mission that you wouldn’t be allowed to know the details of. 
Your stomach somersaulted when he told you that.
Somehow, despite convincing yourself that you no longer cared for Jungkook, the thought of his life being put at risk again once he was back on the field made you want to vomit in anxiety. It reminded you that his very dangerous occupation was one of the root causes of your separation, for there were months wherein you couldn’t take the fear of waiting in uncertainty on whether he was going to come home to you or not, regardless of how he promised he would every single time.
It was funny, you thought. One of your similarities with your husband was that the both of you were adrenaline junkies. You and him bonded over extreme rides in amusement parks, activities that got your heart pumping and gave you the sensation of being on top of the world—and yet it was the reason why you didn’t want to be with him anymore as well, too scared to continue loving him if he always sought for adventure and danger through being a naval aviator.
“You knew what you were signing up for, ____,” he told you during one of your many arguments. “You entered this relationship knowing the nature of my job. You can’t expect to adjust for you when it comes to—”
“I’m not expecting you to adjust for me, Kook,” you replied in exasperation, practically begging him to listen to you with an open mind at that point. “God, I just want you to consider me. I just want to feel that for once, you actually remember that someone’s always waiting for you to come home.”
Whenever conversations like that popped back inside your memory, you forced yourself to push it away. It wasn’t an experience you wanted to relive. You’ve spent far too many nights just crying because of how it felt like to be in a constant state of worry for the person you found yourself loving the most.
“We can all meet him, right?” asked Hoseok, looking at the other guys for back up. 
You surveyed them, raising your eyebrows before saying your answer.
“Like the hell you would.”
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eldritchamy · 4 months ago
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I think I've figured out a good way to articulate one of the reasons Human Domestication Guide is hitting for me in a way really not much else has done for a long time.
HDG is an inverse fandom.
Whereas a lot of fanfiction (maybe just for the sake of the pun we can expand outwards, wink, and call them "transformative works") takes at the core of its nature a specific character or group of characters, and then transplants (sorry, I had to) those characters into Alternate Universes in order to keep telling altered, revised, and original stories with those CHARACTERS, while changing everything else, HDG does the opposite.
It takes the SETTING as the core defining feature, and creates original CHARACTERS in order to tell original stories.
And that's really cool for reasons that, of course, ended up becoming another gigantic one of Amy's Patented Infodump Posts.
Most fanfiction gets to appeal to its audience because of the associations and attachments readers have for the CHARACTERS, and then create a new story from there without having to spend time setting up WHO THE STORY IS ABOUT for you. I don't say this as a bad thing, that's just the attraction. The readers bring their attachment to the characters WITH them before they start reading.
HDG gets to assume you understand the SETTING as a basic premise, and then tell new stories with original characters without having to hold your hand through as much of the set up work, because you already know the SETTING going in.
So instead of discovering how the characters you know relate to a world you don't (and to each other within that context), you get stories where you get to discover who the characters ARE, in the context of a world you already understand.
It's not "what does a different setting do to these characters." It's "how do different people navigate this setting."
You get to meet and learn and identify with the CHARACTERS because you see how they as unique people react to a set premise.
So much of what I've read so far has done exceptional work establishing who the characters are, even making MINOR characters within the story feel like fleshed out people.
You'd think in a setting that takes at face value the premise of humanity being subjugated and doted on by a species that uses mind control drugs to turn them into docile, obedient pets, the stories would struggle a bit with sameness as the individuality of the characters failed to shine through or were inevitably suppressed over the course of the plot.
In practice, it seems like almost the OPPOSITE is true.
The Affini always win. But every character chooses to lose to them in a different way that speaks to who they are as people.
Getting to explore these unique stories through the eyes of unique characters seems like it's making it EASIER to latch on to what makes THESE characters the focus of the stories being told.
And so far the stories being told are fucking great, and have such a huge range to them.
The original story for the setting is a VERY non consensual medfet/drug play subjugation story where Elvira (captain of a ship for the Free Terran feralist rebellion) is ABSOLUTELY brought into domestication by force (at first), and we get to see the PROCESS of her being broken down and becoming something new over the course of (what we later learn has been ONLY) about three weeks. She's not the same person she was at the start of the story. At all. She's been utterly replaced by a new identity and personality that the old version of her would never have accepted. (Also it's kinda hot that it's actually good for her, and that she very much DOES end up happier for it. She's still Elvira. But she's safe, and she's loved.)
That's a pretty specific vibe for a story.
But the next story I read in the setting takes place over the course of several hours in-universe, and basically follows a dysfunctional, clearly neurodivergent woman stagnating in the limbo of having been failed by capitalism (or in her mind, failing at it) and having mixed feelings about the staggeringly powerful alien civilization that is currently part way through conquering her planet and its people.
The story starts off when she's so hungry after scraping through what scant, nutritionless garbage she was able to find in the capitalist dystopia that it finally overrides her fear, and she goes to the border of Affini-controlled territory in her city. She figures, they're going to do whatever they're going to do to the rest of the city within a few days anyway, so there's no sense pretending whatever outcome she's walking into wasn't inevitable, and even if it's not as good as the Affini promise, at least it's not what she's been stuck in. Fear of sameness finally becomes more traumatic than fear of change.
She proceeds to go on an adorable lesbian grocery date with a 10 foot tall plant that gently flirts with her while remaining very firm that all of this human's needs CAN and SHOULD and WILL be taken care of FOR her from now on, and it's OKAY that she has trouble focusing because it's OKAY that some people need more help than others.
She spends several chapters experiencing repeated Lesbian Bluescreens because of this sweet, doting alien who insists it's no trouble at all and she's happy to help. Then said alien takes her back to her apartment on the human side to make sure she feels safe getting there through the anti-Affini protests, and then in a matter of minutes she has cleaned this girl's entire disaster of an apartment and promised to cook her a nice Terran pizza.
Then the girl has a lesbian panic attack while coming to terms with how much misery she didn't have to be living with, and whether this future isn't exactly what she always hoped for and more, so the alien offers to give her some alien drugs to calm her down, and her now fuzzy brain accidentally crumbles under the weight of all the secret petplay fantasies that have been turning her face red all morning and she accidentally calls the alien "Mistress", and then she goes home to THEIR place back in Affini territory with her new owner and gets absolutely spoiled until she falls asleep feeling safe and loved for the first time in her life.
COMPLETE tonal shift from the original story, but the LOGIC of the story is fully consistent with the setting. It's just a different character responding to that setting in a different way.
The range of what's possible is ENORMOUS.
I went from there to "two humans captured at different times struggle to find their way back to each other and end up with neural implants plugged into each other's brains by their shared Mistress, and the feedback loop helps them domesticate EACH OTHER" and then from there to a mostly historical context story about an Affini who lived for almost 300,000 years and how she feels about the Compact's role in everything they've done to the universe.
And then I got to read "I have to pretend to be a good little floret maid at an Affini Compact hotel because that's my Genius Spy Cover WHOOPS it turns out being a maid means getting teased and played with a lot WHOOPS, OHHhhh NOOOoo~ I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A FREE USE HYPNO DOLL because EVERYONE KNEW I WAS A SPY THE WHOLE TIME, I'm going to resolve my mixed feelings by erotically betraying my co-conspirator so we can be floret girlfriends together," which was cute, funny, and INCREDIBLY hot.
Seriously, chapter 10 of that story. Holy FUCK. I think my brain has turned fully inside out. I had a DREAM kinda like it afterwards that I wish I could remember more of.
I guess my point is HDG is less like a fandom and more like DND.
It's a shared universe of collaborative storytelling, even if any individual work within it was made by one person.
You get to play within a core set of rules for how the setting works, but the stories that can come out of playing by those rules are so incredible and diverse and interesting, and I'm really enjoying getting to explore all of that within the context of a basic premise that has absolutely grabbed most of my kinks by the throat, stared menacingly into my eyes, and smirked knowingly.
Also it's INCREDIBLY queer and very obviously made specifically for gay autistic trans women who take progesterone, so I guess just like the rest of the little Terrans, I never stood a chance.
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