#but if i found proof that it exists maybe it could seriously back trans people with scientific evidence

[buggbuzz]

my gender is like meat leaf i think. boy materials in the structure of girl. like im a girl made out of boy things but not in a transman way like i like being female im just. a girl-leaning boygirl. maybe??

[jenniferdiazisatransgirl]

A Platform

So yesterday as you guys know a TERF blog took screenshots of myself and other trans women without our consent and posted these on the internet calling us “transwomen” in quotation marks, making out we were faking being trans and saying “you can smell the XY chromosomes from here”.

I interacted with this blog to say how disgusting I thought her actions were and the typical rhetoric of we only transition because we like dresses and make-up came out. She also claimed I have never experienced misogyny or being suffocated by the patriarchy. I decided to take this opportunity to try and educate her, but while completely skipping over the clear examples of misogyny I have faced, she then moved onto the science backing up trans people claiming it had “already been debunked”. Given there was only just something in the news recently, clearly not true but at this point it became evident I was wasting my breath and I proceeded to block her.

Now some of you said I should have just blocked her in the first place, which in the past I would have done but over the past 2 years you guys have given me quite the platform by following this blog. I have the ability to reach quite a lot of people via what I post here. And standing back and letting this person attack people who might not have this same platform, who might only just be building their confidence - it was sad to see in some of those post the women had put stuff like “finally feeling happy about my appearance” - and then them being shot down like that. It feels wrong to sit back and ignore it.

And I’m a big believer in education, I won’t automatically block a person if I feel like I could maybe educate them. This is not my first time interacting with TERF and over the years I have one actual success. A long time ago, I entered a discussion with a twitter user who was attacking Laura Jane Grace of Against Me! and while in the end this person still remained TERF, we manage to come to an agreement that we were all victims of the same system of oppression. That trans people and cis women both suffered from that same system of oppression. It would be nice if they would have dropped the TERF ideology completely, but the fact that we found a common ground and she even in the end recognised that trans people suffer from this same system of oppression that cis women do felt like a break through.

And while I have only ever made this break through once, I feel that as long as a person seems somewhat receptive, I will always try and educate and try to push towards finding that common ground. And while some you say, “But Lily, in the end that person still remained TERF.” I have this to say;

Yesterday, as you guys saw, the user on tumblr had a very different response, there was no common ground to find. They had this absolute dismissal that trans people suffer any form of oppression and with most members of TERF this is the driving ideology. Trans people don’t suffer from the patriarchy, we are enforcers and spies. We don’t suffer from misogyny, we are perpertrators. And somehow, when we transition, somehow trans women seem to hold onto their male privilege which seriously? Lets pretend trans women are men, for the sake of argument. According to TERF rhetoric, the patriarchy means that all people have to stick to their assigned gender norms, so it seems hard to believe that a trans woman in a dress, being by TERF logic, a man challenging those gender norms the patriarchy enforces would be held up as some hero of the patriarchy and not suffer from its wrath by having their male privilege stripped. And of course, as we know, even if trans women grow up with male privilege, the second we transition we lose it. Plus, growing up I find it hard to see what male privilege I had, as I was either too feminine to fit the patriarchial ideals of what it meant to be male. And if and when I was perceived as your typical cis male, that person was going by the stereotypes that I was about to punch or rob them.

I don’t exactly consider the latter of people fearing me, a “privilege” and not to mention it is another example of the patriarchy not just impacting how trans women are viewed but how cis men are viewed.

And I’m gonna start bringing this to a close, but someone also mentioned how polite and civil I was yesterday in my discourse. As trans women we are always caught in this weird conflicting perception within TERF ideology. If we are docile, subserviant and civil we are upholding the patriarchial ideals of what it means to be a woman but then if we show any sign of anger or aggression, it is treated like automatic proof that trans women are just men.

And I was going to leave it here, but within all this is the group that often gets forgotten in the TERF ideology or who are treated as docile and innocent victims of the “trans bandwagon”; trans men and over the years I have heard various ways TERF have tried to justify the existance of trans men and they end up being the victims of trans women brainwashing them, I once heard them be called “colateral damage” by a TERF member and to this day I don’t know what she meant by that and in the end they often get dismissed as innocent victims who are too dumb and innocent to realise when the patriarchy might be taking advantage of them. Almost feels like TERF view trans men as docile women which again is projecting yet another patriarchial standard.

And look, while I’m not gonna actively seek out TERF, if anyone from TERF comes to my attention I’m not gonna sit back and let their poisonous ideologies continue. Their ideologies which are in fact the ones which uphold the patriarchy. You guys have given me a platform and I’ll be damned if I am gonna let that platform go to waste and let this shit go ignored.

Yesterday, knowing I have this platform, I actually felt an obligation to fight this shit.

[trans-l-lawliet]

Can I have some trans mikami headcanons?

First, I am Terribly Sorry to keep you waiting for this. I don’teven know how long it has been, so that means it has been quite a while. I’malso assuming you’re the same pal that asked for that Trans MikaLight, so I decidedto put them together! I don’t know if the wait will be worth it, but I surehope so! Enjoy!

Mikami had always been a solitary child. He had a strong sense ofjustice, and he tried to live his life in the most honest way possible. So,when he realized that he was, in fact, a boy, around age 15, he was completelyhonest with his mother about it. She went to various doctors, and helped himthrough all the process of getting a diagnosis, which he was grateful for. Hismother had always been kind and fair, one of the very few people who was good.

But when he also tried to live his reality at school, that’s whenthe bullying started. The fights, the abuse… He went through some incrediblyrough years. No one stopped the people who kept hurting him; some of hisclassmates supported him, but were too scared to stand up. His conviction aboutthe cruelty of the world completely solidified.

His mother, scared that one day he could get seriously hurt, andrealising that changing schools would give the same results, asked him to tryto live as a girl and start using his deadname again. Mikami, feeling betrayed,got into a big argument with her, and refused to do so. That made him realisethe hardest of truths: he was completely alone; no one was virtuous in thisrotten world.

Shortly after, the accident that ended with his abusers, and his mother’slife, happened. He took it as a sign that maybe Justice was a real force in theworld. That maybe, he could help Justice. That was the pivoting point of hisdecision of becoming public prosecutor.

He fought his way through legal documents to get his legal identityright, through medical procedures that he managed to afford thanks to the lifeinsurance his mother left behind, and worked his hardest in school until hecould study law in Too. He graduated first of his promotion, and shortly after,he managed to become the youngest district attorney that had ever been in thewhole Tokyo prefecture. Very few people in his new job new that he was trans.He knew that, due to the many prejudices existing in Japan about these issues,him being private about it was the best course of action. If anything, Mikamihad always been a pragmatic person.

He noticed the pattern of criminal deaths way before the existenceof Kira was confirmed on the media. After watching the broadcast, he wasecstatic. Finally, Justice decided to show its presence, make itself known tothe world. Of course, his support of Kira was a thing he kept private. That is,until the public opinion started to shift. 

When he was chosen by his God, hecried for the first time since his mother’s death. He made the Shinigami’s eyesdeal in a heartbeat, and started to help the glorious mission that Justice hadplanned. He would be Kira’s hands and eyes, and help in building the new world.

The first time he spoke with Kira through the phone, he wassurprised to hear a young man’s voice. His words were clear, precise; his wayof thinking was intelligent and meticulous… everything Mikami admired in aperson, and everything he hoped God to be.

Since he now knew that Kira wasn’t an omnipotent force, Mikamiwondered if he would think differently about him because he was transgender,maybe decide to take the notebook from him. He assumed that, since his God wasa force of good, that was unlikely.

Mikami chose Takada, and everything went down the same way, except,he never went to the bank to kill her. He used one of the sheets he had readyto send her. The SPK never learnt about the false notebook. Light Yagami, Kira,finally won.

When the Task Force and the SPK died, Mikami walked to his God, andwhen their eyes met, they just laughed the tension away. Light advised him togo back to his workplace, since he would have to deal with the police and explainwhy he was the only surviving member of the Task Force. Before leaving, theyexchanged phone numbers, and Teru was instructed to keep executing thejudgements until Light called him.

Light explained everything to the police with tears in his eyes. Hesaid he arrived too late. That Kira was waiting for the Task Force and the SPKto be reunited to strike, unaware that Light was also part of the group. Kirahad won. Politicians were already openly supporting him, and after that strike,it was clear for the heads of the police that they couldn’t keep investigatingany longer. They couldn’t afford to lose more agents to the hands of thekiller. Ryuk once again admired Light’s acting skills.

After waiting for a month, in case some other so-proclaimed L’ssuccessor arose, Light finally contacted Mikami. They went to a fancy restaurant,and discussed what was to come. With Mikami’s eyes, and both him and Lightworking together, judgements could increase in speed, purging the whole worldfrom evil once and for all. Once that was out of the way, and since theirpersonalities clicked so well, they started talking about their lives withoutrealizing. The fact that they were both trans surprised them. Mikami could onlyinterpret this as just further proof that they were destined to meet and punishEvil together.

Without the pressure of an investigation over their heads, Lightfinally allowed himself to relax. He left his relationship with Misa, no reasonto continue that charade, and moved into a small apartment on his own. Dinnersbetween him and Mikami became more and more frequent. He found in theprosecutor all he could admire in a person, and they quickly developed afriendship. Teru, finally seeing the human side of who he considered a God,started to substitute his feelings of religious devotion for a different, moredown-to-earth feelings. He deeply admired Light, and as their friendshipprospered and they saw the results of their work, they both started to see eachother as equals.

None of them weren’t sure when their feelings shifted, but tenmonths after the Warehouse incident, they were walking on the street when asudden storm broke. They found shelter into a roofed alleyway, and in a moment,they were kissing each other passionately. 

Both Light and Teru couldn’tremember a single moment that could surpass the happiness they felt after thatday. They were cleaning the world, making it so good people like them wouldnever have to fear what they had to face and witness.

Ryuk almost broke the rules to tellthem that their time together was short. He almost felt sorry for Light as he begged for Teru to come back every night the months that followed the accident. Almost didn’t agree to Light’s request of killing him after he found another person he sent the notebook to so Kira’s judgements wouldn’t die with him.

Almost.

[groundramon]

Statement

I didnt want to write this but I’m too fucking tired to respond to anymore people who go into my ask box. I’ve already gotten 4. Leave me alone. Also I apologize for not censoring @ ‘s.  Obviously, do not send hate to anyone.  Because I, unlike Peri, do not endorse that.  Your white knighting will not hurt Peri and it will not help me - it will just help Peri feel more justified.  So seriously, to any of my friends/mutuals/followers reading this - do not.

DISCLAIMER: I knew peri back when he still used they/them pronouns. If I ever accidentally refer to him with those pronouns, please don’t hone in on that, but please DO tell me about my mistake so I can go and fix that. This is not an excuse, its still wrong of me to do and i apologize if I accidentally do it anywhere in this post - it is an explanation and an invitation to hold me accountable without using it to destroy the whole point of my post.

DISCLAIMER #2: there is a lot of nuances to our relationship that I will never be able to describe in text. Such as the fact that as little kids, Peri and our other friends were the ones who “corrupted” my sense of humor (not in a problematic way, I was just a really naive little kid). We always made jokes about me being the least mature out of the group despite being the oldest.

DISCLAIMER #3: Yes, I made mistakes. No, I did not put out a callout about Peri “just to start shit”.  I have apologized for my mistakes and learned better, and would be happy to write another apology genuinely outlining what I did wrong if Peri didn’t lie about me at every given opportunity.

I never put a callout on Peri until now.  Maybe once when this first happened, i told people to unfollow him...I genuinely cant remember.  I know I added him to my carrd as DNI, but he did it first, and I did it in response to that.  And I removed it long ago.  He also mocked me for calling him my abuser after one of his friends block evaded me to tell me to fuck off, and I found out said friend did that because Peri had been calling me “a danger to minors”, a racist (Peri is white and kept making Hetalia jokes up to a few months before we stopped being friends even though literally I never did) and a lesbophobe (ok peri is a lesbian), and more important, accusing me of stalking.  His definition of stalking was to check his twitter profile obsessively.  I know he did this to me, because he mentioned one of my discourse threads about SPOP and misrepresented my argument (he said I called Catra abusive - I called Catradora toxic and clarified that Catra is not an abuser).  I’m not here to debate the definition of stalking, but heres the thing - at that point, it had been...I think 3 months after we broke off?  And I hadnt checked his twitter since a week after we broke up.  Literally.  I’m sure I have no way of proving that now, OVER A YEAR LATER, but it’s true. I have proof about the hetalia joke.  It was literally just a joke about my piccrews looking like America.  But considering years ago, Peri (and our shared abuser who I dont plan on discussing very much publicly for obvious reasons) were the ones who got me into Hetalia, it hits a very sore spot with me to call me a racist right alongside our shared abuser who would go by japanese names for the ~aesthetic~.  And thats the thing throughout all of this - did I do wrong by Peri? Absolutely, and I’m not going to remember everything flawlessly either. I’m not a flawless person and we were friends for like 7 years.  But Peri is acting like he’s never done anything wrong in his life.

He also has a pattern of doing this - he accused me and his ex-friend Rainy (me and Rainy are friends) of making fun of our abuser’s art constantly and probably now making fun of Peri’s art constantly (we did make fun of the abuser’s art, but tbh it was gallows humor, and still not something I’m proud of.  I have literally never made fun of Peri’s art.  In fact, it makes me feel awful that I have a pit in my stomach whenever I see it, because I always enjoyed Peri’s unique art style up until the day we split.)  He’s hurt so, SO many other people too.  I can think of 13 just off the top of my head.  The person who block evaded me to yell at me about something I literally never did?  Literally went through the same shit me and Rainy did.  Most of these people are not going to like me, and yet I could probably ask for their testimony and it would match my experience very closely, except the key difference being Peri gave up on them already.

Peri talked about me THREE TIMES in the last week (I believe - I didnt check dates and i literally found peri’s account accidentally while going through chicken smoothie. yes, it was my choice to scroll down and look for my name, but i was like, the second post on his tumblr and i was just trying to see if the posts were recent or old bc i thought he was inactive on here.

Here are all of the posts in case he deletes them - sorry I dont have timestamps, he went private so I cant get evidence, obviously.

Admittedly, the last one is pretty understandable, I feel the same way going through my old shit and seeing Peri’s posts/art/etc. But two times after that? But no I’m the one for starting shit, even though I can disprove both of this posts.

For that first post:

1. I didn’t debate shit, I asked a question because I saw a bi woman bring up a good point about why bi women shouldn’t be allowed to use butch/femme.  Admittedly, asking your closest (not only! just closest) lesbian friend about all lesbian issues is kind of a dick move, but I was just trying to figure out how to argue against that point so I could support my lesbian friends.  Now I realize that it’s wrong of me to bother getting involved on either side and I should just support my lesbian friends and their voices instead of getting directly involved.  Yes, I was wrong, but i did not argue with a lesbian about whether or not butch/femme can be used by nonlesbians, I was ASKING A QUESTION.

2. I was trying to be a supportive friend. He was crushing on Rainy - who was identifying as a gay (trans) man at the time by the way, but I only ever see Peri use this as evidence for me being lesbophobic, not homophobic and transphobic.  Gee I wonder why?  Oh right, it’s because Peri hates Rainy and doesn’t care.  Anyways, yes, it was wrong of me.  At the time I didn’t understand a lot about comphet so I was just trying to be supportive.  I do think I expressed relief when Peri said he and Rainy had broken up and realized their feelings were platonic, as i was confused about the whole situation.  I was trying not to gatekeep Peri from his own damn community, because I’m not going to tell him his feelings are invalid when I’m not a lesbian.  You cant get mad at me for policing lesbian labels, and then not policing lesbian labels enough- what??  I don’t think I did anything wrong per say in this situation because I was telling white lies to be a good friend but I do know better now and try to emphasize that “and if you find out its comphet and you’re still a lesbian then thats totally valid!!!” and in fact I even think I did that at the time??

Both of these instances (I believe) are buried on an old server that I no longer have access to.  It’s possible they still exist.  But I didn’t think this thing with Peri would last well over a year later so I didn’t bother documenting any of it.  If peri has the screenshots, I would love to see it.  This is not sarcasm, I genuinely want to be informed what I did wrong.  I have a lot of great friends now and I would hate to hurt them by repeating mistakes I don’t even remember making.  I can’t learn if I’m not informed.  Once again, this is not sarcasm, irony, or passive aggressive.  This is genuine.  All I ever asked from Peri was to talk to me.

These are the last messages we exchanged before Peri’s goodbye message.  This is what our relationship was like.  And do NOT fucking tell me “Peri is clearly uncomfortable” - I’m autistic, Peri is neurodivergent, I do NOT read into subtext.  I have an anxiety disorder and will literally never be able to function if I read into everything as passive aggressive.  My autism does not excuse abusive behavior - but if you do not tell me about this behavior, which Peri never did, I can never get better.  I do not read that “im fine” as a silent plead for me to leave him alone when he literally was always talking about how annoyed he was by people overanalyzing his responses, seeing hostility where there was none, and he specifically said not to read into short replies as anything personal.  He said he had compassion fatigue.  Which is why I left him be until I had no choice.

The last vent I mentioned said “Shitty friends, shitty friends” on his private twitter.  I was worried it was about me and Rainy, because I figured if it wasnt, he would’ve told us who it was about.  And he never did.  So I’m pretty sure it was about us.  After disappearing for the day and making me and Rainy worried that he was suicidal, he sent us this goodbye message in our mutual server (which the only reason i have this is because i sent it to another friend because i didnt know how to feel and needed guidance)

This goodbye letter, despite seeming nice on the surface, blamed the trauma that me and Rainy faced as well as our particular interests for Peri leaving us.  One of my boundaries in our friendship was to tell me if anything was wrong so I could improve it and be a better person, and Peri broke that trust.  He was absolutely a shitty friend in that regard.  But just this goodbye letter I would’ve bought despite being disappointed...if he hadn’t called us shitty before.

By the way, at the time, the only thing I could think this would be about was not trusting Peri’s gut about some randos.  Rainy and I wanted to give those people a fair shot, and Peri accused us of not trusting him because of it.  You do not get to dictate who your friends do and dont hang out with, and you dont get to guilt trip them for hanging out with someone who has literally done nothing to you except act a little bit too much like our shared abuser Moony, wtf?

Peri also accused me of saying he and Moony were the same, when I did no such thing.  Rainy did!  And I immediately chastized Rainy for it, clarifying that I thought they were two different beasts entirely.

I forgot what I was talking about uhhh.  Oh yeah!

I’m not the one still talking about you over a year later.  I’ve moved on.  Remove me from your DNFI.  I didn’t remove you from mine because I realized I was the abuser and you were the victim - I removed you because I’m fucking done with this situation.  I only brought it up with your friend because you LITERALLY BLAMED MY INTERESTS AT THE TIME IN YOUR FAKE-ASS APOLOGY.  And what were me and Rainy talking about a bunch at the time?  Digimon!!  Aka the person who I talked to’s special interest!  I told them I would fuck off if they asked and I encouraged them to talk to you about it and have a genuine conversation.  Because I, unlike you, am a good person who lets people come to their own conclusions.

Also, you were 2 weeks away from being 16, and I was a few months into being 18.  Here are some of our conversations about becoming QPPs!

Should I have entered a QPR with my 7+ year friend who literally shaped me into who I am today when they were almost 16 and I was already several months into being 18?  Probably not!  But adulthood isn’t just some switch that goes off, and I was a dumbass.  Peri’s current GF is apparently being accused of being a predator, or something, according to one of Peri’s other posts?  I dont know whats happening because im not! a fucking! stalker! but Peri of all people should know what it’s like to have a small age gap blown into something bigger than it is.  Peri and I’s relationship didn’t change a whole lot after becoming QPPs - we were still close friends.  But after literally growing up with Peri, I didn’t realize that I needed to enact healthy boundaries with someone so young when they were the one who used to “troll” me when we were kids (AKA pretend to be mad at me or pretend to be someone else and then say “haha just kidding!” just to cause problems).

Peri has clearly built me up to be some kind of villain in his head.  And that’s fine, I really don’t care.  I go months without thinking of Peri, and he’s just a bad memory whenever I do think of him - well until I found out he’s calling me a pedophile and accusing me of making callouts that I never did and generally has been a pot calling the white marble countertop grey for the past year or so.  But I dont care.  I DONT CARE.

But if you want me to stop warning people about you, its simple.  Stop spreading lies about me.  Take my name out of your public vocabulary.  Take me and Rainy off your DNFI.  I do not think about you, I do not talk to people about you very often, most of my current friends didn’t know the things you did until today because I had no reason to tell them.

For anyone uninitiated - all you need to know is that this person’s tumblr title is “an aphobic [reclaimable slur]” and so by admission they like to harass other minorities for fun.  Seriously, you don’t have to be an ace inclusionist or even believe aphobia is real to just be a nice person, what the fuck?  This post in particular is extremely telling.

Also they retweeted a post from someone with the username “panphobe” so.

Just a few notes.  Hope the asexual who stans a literal stated aphobe gets tired of licking that boot soon.  And Peri too.  Your obsession with me is more unhealthy to you than it is to me.  Just...drop it.  I will only add to this if more accusations are thrown my way.   I am done with you.  You have a repeated behavior of this shit, and I want to add more things but they’re heresay from other people so I don’t feel comfortable adding them.  But yeah.  Stop hurting people.  Stop bullying people and being angry and aggressive for fun.  You’re not as cute as you think you are.  There’s a reason this shit keeps happening to you.  Get better soon.

As for me, I think I’ll spend the next three months going back to forgetting you exist.  I liked it there.  But you can keep thinking I’m stalking you if you’d like.  I have all the proof and evidence I need that you’re a fucking liar right here.  And most of your tweets accusing me of shit are deleted too.  Now leave me the fuck alone.

PS, even if aroaces arent oppressed, sending them hate messages based on something they cant control is really shitty :) its not like we’re still a minority group or anything!  I’m also literally trans, so you’re proving the fact that the bad exclusionists always target other LGBTs who happen to be aspec for their harassment :) but keep it going keep it going, every spiteful message sent to me specifically because im aspec and part of the LGBT community just fuels my agenda.