#and they assigned me fucking kevin

[greatestwizardofthisage]

rewatching the office and remembering how as a teenager when i watched it with my friends for the first time they all agreed that i was the most like kevin

[revvethasmythh]

like, I get why people don't like edgelord style characters and find them exhausting, i really do. but I was raised by a style of book that exclusively features edgelord protagonists that intentionally bars them from experiencing a single moment of dignity in their entire lives, and I think that explains why I love them, actually

[massivetittiesandwarcrimes]

I think more people need to play around with Damian's speech. Don't get me wrong, I love the antiquated Victorian child style of speech, but also he's a teenager that swears plenty in the comics. We really need more scenes like:

Damian: Father, I regret to inform you that I have been assigned in-school suspension for the next three days.

Bruce: What, why?!

Damian: My classmate Kevin was disparaging a female classmate for turning him down, so I called him 'a rizz-less, basic-ass neckbeard bitch' and said I was going to fuck his mom and give her a son she'd actually love.

Bruce: *is completely speechless*

Damian: That is all I needed to tell you. If you will excuse me, I have homework to complete before dinner and patrol.

[thecouchsofa]

You might be thinking, Tee, in your 2023 AO3 wrap up post, you said you wrote a ridiculous amount of HP fic this year - but what about reading? Well, thanks for asking, imaginary audience – as a matter of fact, I did indeed read a lot of Drarry fics this year. A fucking horrendous number of Drarry fics, in fact.

Below the cut are some of my favourites that were published in 2023, arranged by word count.

But first, a note: there is truly an overwhelming amount of talent in this fandom and this list only scratches the surface. These fics all gave me something that I was looking for and were my favourites for a number of different reasons. I hope you can find something new to love here (or reconnect with an old favourite), and that you enjoy these stories as much as I did!

If there’s a fic from 2023 that isn’t here but you really enjoyed, chuck it in the replies section so we can all see it!

🌸 AITA for being "obsessed" with my childhood nemesis? – @rainstormradish (4k, M) 🌸

Alrakis I [24M] attended a small boarding school in the UK. There was a boy in my year, a couple of months younger than me, and he became my nemesis after we developed an intense rivalry. My friend [25F] told me recently that our dynamic was "weird back then" and that "it’s even weirder" that I still think about him today. She argued that I talk about him all the time, but I believe the amount I talk about him is reasonable. AITA?

prongymcprongface i completely get what you mean. i had a nemesis (like a school one, separate to my other nemesis) and we had a dynamic super similar to what you are describing. having a nemesis is a very cool and normal thing dw about it. NTA

In which Draco asks the internet if he's being reasonable. Only one commenter is sympathetic. They start talking.

Read for: unique fic idea with a cool layout, humour, boys being idiots

🌻 Snug – @moonflower-rose (6k, E) 🌻

Potter can't keep his hands off himself. Draco can't look away.

Read for: Draco being Obsessed with Harry(‘s cock), Humorous Writing Style

🪻 Birds Behaving Badly – @peachpety (10k, E) 🪻

For eight years, Draco has been content living a quiet life of anonymity in Brighton, dodging pesky seagulls and enjoying the ephemeral boys of summer. And if these summer blokes just happen to resemble Harry Potter, it’s a mere coincidence—despite what his friends say.

But when a repeat one-night stand challenges him to face his desires, Draco thinks he’s finally over his years-long crush.

A seagull named Kevin thinks otherwise.

For: Unleashed!Fest 2023

Read for: hidden/mistaken identity, summer vibes, Kevin the seagull

🌸 Under the Confetti Mist – @azalealarae (12k, E) 🌸

Harry and Draco stay up late working on a Potions assignment in the poorly ventilated eighth-year common room, unaware that disinhibition is a side effect of the elixir’s vapor.

Read for: Sex Pollen, Drarry as Potions partners

🌻 Hellos, goodbyes, a thousand midnights – newskyillusion (13k, M) 🌻

The world, as Harry knew it, has ended.

At least he has a garden.

OR

Harry and Draco live through the apocalypse

For: Drarry Let’s Play Fest 2023

Read for: body horror, cosy vibes (just trust me, lol), Harry gardening, Powerful Harry, Harry and Draco relying on each other.

🪻 Amorous As This Lovely Green – @annanother-thing (14k, E) 🪻

Harry hates being a celebrity. Draco cannot find a single model that fits his vision for his latest line. They both make the debatable choice of trusting one PA extraordinaire/best friend, Pansy Parkinson.

For: Harry/Draco Career Fair 2023

Read for: Harry modelling lingerie, Hot Harry

🌸 Help! I'm a Hopeless Romantic! – @peachydreamxx (14k, M) 🌸

Draco turns from the bar, eyes latching onto Harry. He surveys him, one brow lifting, and Harry, like a deer in headlights, throws his hand up with the world’s most awkward wave. Draco just weaves out of sight, and Harry’s face burns as Ron pats him on the shoulder, then steals a chip. “He gave you a look, didn’t he?”

~ how to get over your crush

~ places that sell cake after 11pm near me

~ how to tell if someone is playing hard to get

A year in the life of Harry's shared moments, and private thoughts

For: Wheel of Drarry Mini-Exchange Secret Santa 2023

Read for: Harry’s Google Searches, Humour

🌻 Cool About It – @oflights (M, 16k) 🌻

Harry is so excited for his first date with Draco. But what follows isn't so much a date as it is an all-night odyssey including a malevolent lift, a Gringotts heist, a Sleeping Curse, a trip to the kebab shop, a lack of dancing, a Muggle drug, a rooftop pool party, a black eye and, eventually, a sunrise over a Quidditch stadium.

Read for: Humour, idiots in love, first dates

🪻 The Eighth Sin – @thehoneybeet (16k, E) 🪻

When Draco is sentenced to five years of house arrest, without magic, alone, the only person to visit him is Potter. But Draco’s beginning to doubt whether Potter is really there at all.

For: HD Wireless 2023

Read for: dreamy/sad vibes, caring Harry, a beautiful exploration of a relationship

🌸 What’s Mine is Yours – @fluxweeed (17k, E) 🌸

Harry loses something important. Malfoy helps him get it back.

Read for: smut so hot it’ll light you on fire

🌻 O Come, All Ye Faithful – toomuchplor (19k, E) 🌻

Aunt Petunia died, that was what began everything.

Or rather, Aunt Petunia was dying. In the act of dying.

In which Draco finds faith in the church, and Harry finds faith in Draco.

Read for: Vicar Draco, Harry’s Vicar Kink, Beautiful Writing, Draco’s Hard Sanctified Cock

🪻 The Boys of Summer – @saxamophone (19k, E) 🪻

It's summer, and they're spending it at a lake, far away from everything. There’s swimming and a floating dock, cracked and warm in the sun. Fizzy drinks and fireflies. Sticky strawberry ice lollies and beach towels tangled under them.

Harry’s golden skin and love for The Grateful Dead and Fleetwood Mac.

Draco Malfoy is doomed, but what else is new?

For: HD Wireless 2023

Read for: delicious pining, summer vibes, beautiful romance, nostalgic vibes

🌸 Nature pricks them on to ramp and rage – @goblinmatriarch (E, 21k) 🌸

Lord Draco Malfoy may be a young man spending time in Dumbledore’s summer court, but that does not mean he needs to succumb to its licentious frivolity. He carries the burden of his lineage, the shadow of rumours, and the dignity of his betrothal to a good match. He is certainly not fool enough to be distracted by the dark curls and ready grin of the court’s stableboy, who seems to have taken up with every courtier who looks his way.

For: HP Bodice Ripper Fest 2023

Read for: Historical AU done right, Draco in a codpiece, more riding euphemisms than you can count

🌻 True Love Gave To Me – @epitomereally (23k, E) 🌻

It’s the first of December, and all Draco wants to do is make Christmas lovely for Scorpius. But then Harry Potter shows up, asking him to save the world, and it turns out they’ve almost saved the world a couple of times before. One-hundred and forty-four times, to be exact.

Or: what happens after the time loop?

For: H/D Erised 2023

Read for: time loop shenanigans, cosy vibes, adorable Scorpius (and his geese)

🪻 Nothing But You On My Mind – @moonflower-rose (29k, M) 🪻

Potter has been in Australia on an internship for almost a year, and Draco cannot wait for him to get back home. They'll finally have a chance to talk about their feelings for each other. What could possibly go wrong?

Loads, as it turns out.

For: HD Wireless 2023

Read for: Angst, Draco/Ron/Hermione Friendship, idiots in love

🌸 who will receive you in love's offices – @jtimu (30k, E) 🌸

A year in the life of Draco Malfoy, increasingly derailed by Harry Potter.

In the aftermath of it all, Draco opened an antiques shop. Sort of. Mostly, though, what he did was repair work. People brought him their grandparents’ charmed silverware or a pocketwatch which was meant to show the stars at your birth but now only held the time, and he would fix them. It was quiet work, a little lonely, but for the repeated intrusions of one Harry J Potter.

Read for: brilliant deep dive into magical theory, smarty pants Draco, enemies to friends to lovers (emphasis on the middle step), poetry references by the bucketful, a version of Draco that lives rent free in my mind

🌻 Half Sick of Shadows – @starquestingfordrarry (39k, E) 🌻

Harry and Draco have been sleeping together for months, and it's fine. It's enough for Harry.

But when things finally start to feel like the more Harry's been hoping for, a strange tapestry project has him worrying he won't ever get the chance.

Or: the one with sheep, dragons, and a whole lot of weaving metaphors.

For: H/D Career Fair 2023

Read for: Alvin the ram, Harry carving wooden dildos, magical tapestries, atmospheric vibes, an artfully created world

🪻 Now I Know In Part – @dodgerkedavra (39k, E) 🪻

Harry Potter is the savior of the Wizarding World. Draco Malfoy is a reformed Death Eater turned Ministry Curse-Breaker. Five years after the War, they're brought together by another mysterious curse.

Only this time, Harry's the one who needs saving.

More specifically, he needs Draco.

They have one month to break the curse, and the clock is ticking.

Read for: Draco taking care of Harry, Cottagecore vibes, bucketfuls of sweetness, great smut

🌸 Nothing Gold Can Stay – @moonflower-rose (40k, E) 🌸

One summer evening, Harry Potter vanished in the middle of dinner with his friends. Four days later he came back. Sort of.

Draco Malfoy is on the case.

For: H/D Erised 2023

Read for: Alternate Universes, Married Draco/Harry, Non-Painful Angst

🌻Sharper than a Sea Serpent's Tooth – @goblinmatriarch (40k, T)

Draco expects his research trip to Crete to focus on the ecology of ward design, with perhaps some cheeky visits to the elusive sea serpents and the odd sleepy beach day. Instead, he encounters a Past he's spent over a decade trying to outrun, and a familiar scowl under glasses and a scar. Featuring just so much imagining being on a hot, sunny beach for your winter pleasure.

For: H/D Erised 2023

Read for: Magical Creatures, Greek Mythology, International Location (Crete), Atmospheric Writing

🪻 LA, Who Am I To Love You? – @epitomereally (42k, E) 🪻

Harry’s summer in LA is not going as expected. Pansy Parkinson keeps inviting him to parties in the Hollywood Hills and harassing him to finally go to the physical therapist, Blaise Zabini keeps slipping new strains of his company’s magical weed into Harry’s pockets in hopes of an endorsement, and Draco Malfoy keeps having sex with everyone but Harry.

For: HD Wireless 2023

Read for: Werewolf Harry, Incubus Draco, Acquaintances to Friends to Lovers, Interesting Location (LA)

🌸 A Pulled Down Shade – fast_brother (43k, M) 🌸

Harry does not like Draco Malfoy, not even one bit. Never did and never will. That is, until he finds himself married to him.

For: HP Soulmates Fest 2023

Read for: HUGE Grounds for Divorce vibes! Angst, Harry working through trauma, Harry fighting for Draco

🌻 The Waiting – @oknowkiss (43k, E) 🌻

It’s been almost ten years since Draco Malfoy disappeared during a routine Curse Breaker training exercise. Harry, his partner in more ways than one, is determined to figure out why. As the past resurfaces and the present fades into confusion, Harry discovers the only thing more unreliable than memory is love.

For: HD Wireless 2023

Read for: Curse Breaker Partners, Angst, Secret Relationship

🪻 The Unplottable Time Conundrum – @writcraft (45k, E) 🪻

When the past starts bleeding into the present at Grimmauld Place, an old academic article pulls Draco Malfoy out of his life of luxury. Haunted by the memory of a fleeting post-war kiss and thrust into the ghostly spaces inhabited by Unspeakable Harry Potter, Draco’s easy life is about to get a whole lot more complicated.

For: H/D Erised 2023

Read for: House Magic, The Order of the Pheonix, Haunted House vibes, Drarry in their 30s

🌸 Our Objective Remains Unchanged – @citrusses (46k, E) 🌸

Harry Potter, returning member of the Oxford University Boat Club, has two goals for the spring of 2005: beat Cambridge, and beat Draco Malfoy. Perhaps not in that order.

Read for: Muggle AU, Sports AU, Competitiveness, Damn good writing

🌻 Everybody Hates a Tourist – @wolfpants (51k, E) 🌻

On a stag do in sunny Brighton with the Gryffindor lads, the last person Harry expects to run into is Draco Malfoy. After a glimpse of Malfoy’s Muggle life in Britain’s gay capital, Harry’s curiosity gets the better of him and he finds himself returning to the seaside again and again, drawn to the city, drawn to this new version of Malfoy that Harry barely recognises from school.

Meanwhile, Draco’s just trying to live his big and best queer life: working for the weekend, chasing hot men, getting lost in Brighton's nightlife, and making friends with the neighbourhood cats. Why does his former school rival and crush have to show up and spoil everything?

For: HD Wireless 2023

Read for: beautiful relationship building, Harry finding himself, Draco living his best life. I won’t lie, I’d read the back of a cereal box if wolfpants wrote it – do yourself a favour if you haven’t already

🪻 from love, obviously – bizarrestars (52k, M) 🪻

"I just mean, doing the right thing because it's right is better than doing it because…"

"What?" Draco challenges, amused. "Better to do it because it's right as opposed to doing it because it's not wrong? Please enlighten me on what the difference is."

"You're the difference," is Harry's answer.

(Or: Draco Malfoy comes up with a plan, drinks a lot of tea, and fails to fix a clock. Somewhere along the way, Harry Potter falls in love with him, which wasn't a part of the plan at all.)

Read for: Unhinged Draco, Harry being resigned to Draco’s antics, Weasley family feels, fast pacing

🌸 Terrible People – @getawayfox and @wolfpants (52k, E) 🌸

What happens when Harry and Draco end up on the same Muggle gay cruise? They certainly didn't plan for it to happen (but their friends might have). They're stuck with each other for a week, they might as well make the most of it, right?

Featuring a holiday-long game of Truth or Dare, a very ill-judged FWB proposition, decades-long pining, lots of gin, and a small pair of green swimming trunks.

Read for: Gorgeous Art , RomCom vibes, Gay Cruise, Friends with Benefits to Lovers

🌻 Nights With You – @the-sinking-ship (58k, E) 🌻

Draco is mortified when moments prior to departing for the most anticipated destination wedding of the year, he is cruelly dumped. But when he learns that Harry Potter has, at long last, split with his horrible boyfriend, Draco is certain his luck has changed. Never a man to squander an opportunity for revenge (and what would probably be a spectacular shag), Draco vows to make Potter his for the weekend.

Now all Draco has to do is convince him.

Read for: Fake dating, mild size kink, international location (Italy), mildly unhinged Draco, hot Harry

Note: This is the fic that made me set up a Doc for everything I’d read to make sure I wouldn’t lose it to the wide realm of the internet.

🪻 Rookie Moves – peu_a_peu (75k, E) 🪻

Aurors Potter and Malfoy crack the case.

Read for: Humour, Enemies to Coworkers to Lovers, Unhinged Draco

🌸 How To Train Your Malfoy – @fencer-x (93k E) 🌸

Good manners dictate that, when one’s best friend Apparates onto one’s doorstep holding the unconscious, haggard body of the schoolyard bully and begging for sanctuary, one ought to invite the two of them in for a cup of tea. Harry Potter sometimes wishes he weren’t so polite.

For: H/D Erised 2023

Read for: Dragon Animagus Draco, Harry taking care of Draco, brilliant writing, a funny as fuck premise – I wanted Draco to stay in his unhinged dragon form forever

🌻 Symptom of Your Touch – NoxNoir (115k, E) 🌻

St. Mungo's Healer Draco Malfoy is used to being pushed to his limits when providing aide to the ailing, but when an unexpected encounter with an out of character Harry Potter throws his life out of balance one night, he is forced to ask himself how far he's willing to push his own levels of discomfort to be of aid to a man in need of help that only he can provide.

Read for: Draco taking care of Harry, Pining, Unrequited love, buckets of sexual tension

🪻 Recursion – Tessa Crowley (132k, E) 🪻

A process is recursive when it defines or contains itself; e.g., the Fibonacci sequence, which determines the next number as the sum of the previous two.

But not all recursive processes are mathematical. Recursion can happen in a temporal context when, for instance, the powerful magical force that is true love drags you back in time so it can create itself, endangering the fate of the Wizarding World—not to mention the very fabric of space and time—along the way.

Read for: Canon Retelling/Divergence, time travel, Slytherin Harry, a truly insane amount of physics/magical theory/intelligence. This fic was too smart for me in the best way. If you liked Chaos Theory read this – it’s even better!

🌸 Cut From the Sky – @mallstars (150k, E) 🌸

"I'm stuck in a time loop, reliving November 2nd. This is the 111th time I've lived through today."

Draco stilled. His moody eyes, the tension in his hands where he gripped onto his umbrella, the careful mask of blankness flickering over his face — everything about him was so difficult and so very dear to Harry.

"Ah," said Draco, "and?"

Note: no rec list for this year could be considered complete without including this one.

Read for: Harry at his most loveable, a relationship story told a hundred different ways, atmospheric worldbuilding, Trans representation.

🌻 In the Blood – BiscuitBrunch (225k, E) 🌻

Harry Potter thinks Draco Malfoy is a slimy git of a defense lawyer, who couldn't care less about doing the right thing.

Draco Malfoy thinks Harry Potter is a filthy pig of an Auror, who couldn't care less about doing the right thing.

They fight, fuck, fall in love, and fight some more.

When they're on the brink of getting their shit together and starting a family, a blood curse surfaces that threatens the lives of Draco and their unborn child.

Read for: badass lawyer Draco, deep exploration of a relationship, working through trauma, slice of life, mpreg

[corroded-hellfire]

Reader is Eddie’s first relationship & they have an argument. He thinks they’re gonna break up, but she introduces him to the joys of makeup sex. You. Are. Welcome.

xoxoxoxo, @munson-blurbs 💚

Thank. You. Anything for you, my darlin’ 💜

Warnings: smut, p in v, unprotected (wrap it up), oral, f receiving

Words: 2.5k

“Eddie, I swear to God, you need to stop being so dramatic about this! I love your theatrics but now you’re just making shit up in your head!”

“In my head? In my head? Seeing the two of you whispering together in the library was not in my head.”

“For Christ’s sake!” you shout, your hands coming up to rake through your hair. “We had to whisper; it was a fucking library!”

“I don’t like the way he was looking at you,” Eddie says, hands coming to rest on his hips as his jaw clenches. Your groan reverberates within the trailer walls.

“I can’t help the way he looks at me! If he’s even looking at me in some way at all. But I’m not looking at him in any way. We’re partners on a project, that’s it!”

“I don’t want you to be his partner anymore,” Eddie says, shrugging as if this is a reasonable request.

“Eddie, I didn’t pick him as my partner. O’Donnell assigned them. And we’re almost done with our project! I’m not asking to change now.”

“Even if it makes your boyfriend uncomfortable?” Eddie hisses. 

“What, so I’m supposed to get a bad grade just because you’re jealous? Fuck that. I plan on passing O’Donell’s class the first time.” It’s a low blow and you know it. But his jealousy is driving you up the wall and you can’t help but snap. 

“Maybe wear a goddamn shirt that you don’t have to pull up every thirty seconds then. You’re giving everyone at school a fucking show every day.”

“So, I just want everyone in the whole damn school to sleep with me, huh? Is that it?”

“That’s not what I fucking said,” Eddie spits out. 

“Then what are you saying? By saying that I’m cozying up to Kevin? By saying I’m flashing my tits to everyone at school?”

Eddie smacks his hand against the kitchen counter and turns his back to you. 

“Eddie,” you say with a sigh, shaking your head. “I need a break. I need a fucking break.” You grab your boyfriend’s pack of cigarettes from the counter and head towards the front door so you can grab a smoke.

“So, that’s it, huh?” 

The wobble in Eddie’s voice has you stopping in your tracks. When you turn to face him, you see him watching you with a set jaw, angry facade spoiled by the unshed tears building up in his eyes.

“What?” you ask.

“Need a break?” Eddie scoffs and shakes his head. “Fine. Go ahead.” 

“Eddie,” you say with a frown. “I’m going for a smoke break. What’s the big deal? I forgot my own pack, so I grabbed yours. You don’t want me to use ‘em? Fine.” You toss the pack back on the counter and rest your hands on your hips.

“Wait,” Eddie says. His face changes from angry to open and vulnerable. “Y-You’re not…breaking up with me?” The tear that slides down his face has your heart cracking in your chest.

“Baby, what?” you ask, taking a few steps closer to him. “Why would you think I’m breaking up with you?”

“You, um.” Eddie pauses and sniffs. Quickly, he wipes at his eyes. “You said you needed a break.”

“From the fight,” you tell him. “Not from you, Eddie. Sweetheart, I love you. I’m not breaking up with you.”

Eddie nods his head, but you can tell he’s still scared. “Hey…” You step forward and cup his face in your hands. “Eddie, it’s just a fight. They happen, it’s normal. That doesn’t mean we break up over it.”

“I’ve never, um…never,” Eddie trails off before clearing his throat. “This is new to me. My first relationship.”

“I know.” You slip your arms around his lithe waist and rest your head on his shoulder. “Don’t worry about me going anywhere though, baby. S’just a fight.”

“I’m sorry,” Eddie says, wrapping his arms around you as well.

“It’s okay, you just misunderstood me,” you say.

“No, I-I meant for what I said before. About what you wear and being partners with Kevin. I was being an asshole.” 

“I should’ve been more considerate of your feelings,” you say, tilting your head to press a kiss to his neck.

“No, I should’ve done that with you.”

“We can both be in the wrong,” you say. 

“I love you,” Eddie says. The words still make you smile, no matter how many times you’ve heard them before.

“I love you, too. And now…” You pick your head up and give your boyfriend a salacious smirk. “I get to introduce you to another part of relationships.”

“What’s that?” Eddie asks, cocking an eyebrow at you.

You slide your hands down to his and tug him as you walk backwards towards his room.

“Make up sex.”

“Oh?” Eddie’s voice takes on a higher pitch as both of his eyebrows jettison into his hair. “Is this different than other sex?”

“Well, when we’re done, you can tell me.” 

You pull your hands out from his, bringing them to the hem of your shirt and whipping it off over your head. Eddie groans and lunges at you, grabbing your hips and tossing you over his shoulder. The only sound is your ferocious giggling as you’re carried over and plopped down on the bed. Instantly, you’re reaching up and pulling Eddie’s mouth down onto yours. He moans as he sinks into the kiss, lowering his body onto yours, pressing you between him and the mattress. Your fingers wind their way into your boyfriend’s curls, scratching at his scalp and gently tugging at the roots. This spurs Eddie on, rolling his hips against yours, the denim of his jeans rubbing the denim of yours. 

“Need you,” Eddie says, voice low and gruff, as he separates his mouth from yours. Fingers digging into your sides, Eddie presses hot kisses against your jaw. The sensation of his heavy body on top of yours and his dizzying kisses down your neck has you arching your back. It makes your bra-clad breasts brush against Eddie’s shirt. 

“Take this off,” you pant, tugging at the worn material of his Dio tee. 

“Yes ma’am,” Eddie whispers against your skin. He pushes himself up, a knee bracketing each side of your thighs. No matter how many times you’ve seen him strip his shirt off, it still gives you butterflies and makes you all giggly. 

“You’re so sexy,” you say as you slide your hands up his bare chest. The smirk that he gazes down at you with makes him even sexier.

Eddie grabs one of your hands and presses a kiss to your palm. “Not as sexy as you, my love.” Reluctantly letting go of you, he slides down your body and pops the buttons on your jeans. The pace at which he drags them down your legs is agonizing. Assisting him by kicking them off, Eddie quickly yanks your panties off and tosses them to fall somewhere behind him. 

“Jesus, I need to taste you, baby.” Eddie pushes your legs apart as he slowly lowers himself down to rest on his elbows. 

“Please do,” you whine, dropping your head back on the pillow. 

Licking his lips and eyes gleaming like he’s looking at a pile of presents on Christmas morning, Eddie leans in and licks a stripe up your folds. A whimper is punched from your chest as Eddie nudges your clit with his nose. 

“Eddie, yes.”

The way you say his name has his painfully hard cock twitching in his pants. Desperate for some friction, Eddie ruts his hips against the mattress as he dives in for another taste of your drenched pussy.

“So fucking wet,” Eddie mumbles. “All for me.”

“All f’you,” you echo, eyes drifting closed. “You make me soaked, Eds.”

“Mm,” Eddie hums against you, sending the vibrations up your core. “Taste so sweet, baby. How’s such a pretty pussy also taste so damn good?”

Eddie knows talking about your pussy only turns you on even further, and he’s determined to get you as wet as he can. The sound of your whimpering has him smirking against your folds. He pushes your legs open even further so he can press his face deeper into your heat. His tongue makes its way from your entrance up to your clit. 

“Fuck,” you whine. 

Encouraged by the sounds of pleasure falling from your lips, Eddie sucks your sensitive nub into his mouth. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see you fisting his cream colored sheets between your delicate fingers. Your thighs tense up beneath his hands and Eddie knows what you’re going to say before you even open your mouth. 

“M’close.”

Humming encouragingly around your clit, your boyfriend slips one hand down between your legs and slides two fingers inside of you. It’s exactly what you need—and he knows this. Back arching off the bed, your thighs close around Eddie’s head as your orgasm washes over you. Your eyes practically roll into the back of your skull as Eddie pumps his fingers in time with his sucking. 

The sound of your heavy breathing fills the room and Eddie pulls his mouth from you as your back falls back down to the sheets. You tilt your head down to watch Eddie push himself up, licking over his lips that are covered in your slick. His chin is soaked as well, and the sight already has the area between your legs throbbing again. 

“How was that, baby?” Eddie asks as he crawls back up your body. 

“Holy shit,” you pant out between breaths. Your mind searches for the words to express how amazing he just made you feel, but you come up empty. A self-satisfied smirk grows on Eddie’s face at your inability to speak.

“Mm, my pretty girl,” Eddie hums, running his nose up to the sensitive spot behind your ear. “Love hearing all those noises you make.”

“Make me feel so good, Eds,” you moan. “Need you in me.”

Eddie places a trail of kisses down your neck as he slips his hand beneath you to pop open your bra. His deft fingers pick the clasp and you’re quick to fling the offending material off the side of the bed. 

“Don’t need to tell me twice,” Eddie growls against your skin. Your hands bump into his as both of you reach down to unbuckle his belt. He huffs a laugh as he rests his forehead against yours, letting you take care of the belt while he pops the button of his jeans. As eager as you are to have him inside of you, Eddie’s quick to shuck off the pants and align his hips with yours. 

Agonizingly slowly, he pushes inside of you, the stretch burning a fire low in your belly. Eddie braces a forearm on either side of your head and dives in to envelop your mouth with his own. The two of you moan and whimper into one another’s mouths as Eddie bottoms out. When he pulls his hips back and slams into you again, your hands come up to grip at his shoulders. Your fingers dig so hard into his pale skin that you’re sure he’s going to have ten small bruises there tomorrow. 

“God, I’ll never get over how tight you are,” Eddie mumbles against your mouth. He’s starting to understand what you meant about makeup sex. The adrenaline is still pumping through his body from being angry. The love he feels for you is overwhelming, glad the two of you have made up. But there’s still that touch of possessiveness from his earlier jealousy that has him pounding into you hard enough that you’ll remember who you belong to. 

“Oh! Fuck! Right there, Eddie.”

The way you say his name is music to his ears and he wants to make you scream it over and over again. He picks up the pace of his hips, hitting that special spot inside of you with each thrust. 

“Come on, baby,” Eddie taunts. “I want the whole damn trailer park to know who’s making you feel this good.”

“You, Eddie. Fuck, you.”

“That’s right,” he groans. 

“Baby,” you whine, “wanna be on top. Wanna ride you.”

“Whatever you want, angel.”

Eddie pulls out of you and flops down next to you on his back. Neither of you wanting to be separated for too long, you hurry to climb on top of him and lower yourself onto his cock. When you’re fully seated on him, you start to rock your hips back and forth. The new angle lets you feel him in a new way and the friction of the coarse curls at his base against your clit makes you dizzy with pleasure. 

Watching you ride him, your hips moving back and forth, your tits bouncing with the motion, has Eddie biting his lip to keep his impending release back. He doesn’t want this to end yet; but you feel so damn good. 

“Shit, baby, please tell me you’re close,” Eddie pleads.

“Uh huh,” you hum, nodding your head. “S-So close.”

“Fuck,” he grumbles.

You rest your hands on Eddie’s chest as you move your hips against his. With each rock you feel yourself coming closer to tipping over the edge. Little whines and whimpers start to spill from your mouth, and it has Eddie gripping your hips as if his hands were a vice. 

“E-Eddie… Gonna cum.”

“Let go for me, baby girl. Cream my cock,” Eddie goads through clenched teeth. His hands begin to help move your hips and the added pressure of your clit dragging against his body is all you need. 

“Shit,” you cry, throwing your head back as your second orgasm of the night strikes. Your walls clench around Eddie, which is all it takes to have him spilling inside of you.

“Jesus Christ, yes,” he groans, hips bucking wildly up into you. Stars dance in his vision as he empties himself in your pussy. Your bodies rock together, riding out your highs.

“Holy fuck,” you sigh out, flopping forward onto Eddie’s chest. Both of your sweat melds together as he wraps his arms around you and presses a kiss to the top of your head.

“Exactly what I was thinking,” Eddie rasps, trying to catch his breath.

You tilt your head so you’re looking up at your boyfriend. He meets your eyes and it’s impossible for you not to give him a goofy grin. It’s just the effect Eddie has on you.

“So, what do you think of makeup sex?” you ask.

Eddie sighs and rubs a hand up and down your back. “I’m torn. I hate fighting with you…but shit that was hot.” 

Giggles bubble out of you, and you bury your face into his sticky chest. 

“I love you,” you tell him.

“I love you, too.” He tilts your chin up so he can press a soft kiss against your lips.

“I promise the next time I piss you off—because it’s impossible that there won’t be a next time—I’ll make sure the sex is worth it.”

“You say that like all sex with you isn’t worth it,” Eddie says with a scoff.

“Mm, fine,” you say, pushing yourself up off his chest. “Guess I’ll just have to buy some lingerie or something then.”

Eddie’s eyes widen and it takes all your strength to hold in your laughter.

“Okay, now baby, I’m not saying I want you to piss me off… Hey! What’d you bite me for?”

[pedrospatch]

to do the right thing l part iii

Post Outbreak!Joel Miller x Pregnant! Female Reader

series masterlist

summary: You go into labor earlier than expected in the QZ; Joel and Tess help you deliver the baby; after giving birth, you and Joel follow through with a heartbreaking decision.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. BOSTON QZ ERA. ((TW)) PREGNANCY, mentions and references to adoption. mentions of dead bodies, child death (not what you think), descriptions of childbirth. angst. soft, protective Joel.

word count: 7.9k

a/n: Please do not hate me. That is all. (:

June, 2020

 Disposing of the infected was a shity job.

But then again, most of the civilian jobs in the Boston QZ were pretty fucking shitty.

Still. This particular one had to be the absolute shittiest of the shitty.

Having to haul dozens upon dozens of dead bodies, the accidental inhale of soot and smoke even through your makeshift mask, not to mention, the nauseating smell of burning human flesh—you’d hated getting assigned to this work detail before, but now that you were only just a few weeks shy of being nine months pregnant, it felt like actual fucking hell on earth. And, to make matters even worse, Joel had been asked by one of the officials to head over to a different site and work a different job at the very last minute. He wasn’t by your side to lend you a hand like he usually did. Before being forced by authorities to leave the site, Joel instructed you to find a familiar face and do whatever you could do to get someone to help you when you needed it.

Luckily, on the other side of the open fire pit, you’d spotted Kevin. A younger man in his early twenties, you knew Kevin was something of an avid pill popper and one of Joel’s secret regulars. In exchange for a couple of oxycodone pills that you produced from the pockets of Joel’s jacket you were wearing, he had agreed to help you haul the heavier bodies and toss them in the fire pit.

“You know, you used to be real strong,” Kevin mused out loud as he took the shoulders of a heftier male body. Through a labored grunt, he continued, “You never needed anybody's help.”

You narrowed your eyes at him as you took the lower half of the body into your arms, taking subtle care not to strain yourself to the point of hurting yourself—or the baby. “Shut up and move, Kevin.”

“I’m just saying.”

“Seriously, Kevin,” You managed to say to him through gritted teeth as you helped him carry the body. “I’ll throw in another fucking pill if you just shut the fuck up, how about that?”

“Never used to be so cranky, either. Jesus, Miller’s really rubbing off on you, isn’t he?”

Ignoring him, you inhaled a deep breath, exhaling it as you two lifted the body and flung it into the pit. As you turned back towards the canopied pickup truck for the next one, your eyes fell on the tiniest little body that you had ever seen and you simply froze, a chill running up the length of your spine.

While it wasn’t the first time that you’d ever had to dump the body of an infected child, this one had to be the smallest—the youngest. Though his head had been covered with a brown, burlap sack just like the rest of the bodies, anyone with two fucking eyes and half of one brain cell could guess that he was, at most, around the age of a toddler.

“Jesus,” You whispered, noticing the dirty, bloodied white bandage around his teeny little arm. That’s where he’d been infected.

Kevin’s voice came from behind you. “Oh come on, this can’t be your first time seeing a kid, right?”

Your mouth had gone as dry as sandpaper. “I—I’ve never seen one this young,” You told him, feeling your heart sink into your stomach. “He couldn’t have been older than three or something.” Unable to fathom what had to come next, you turned to Kevin and shook your head. “I’ll need you to do this one. I just can’t.”

“Sure thing, sweet cheeks.” He raised an eyebrow and looked around before lowering his voice. “Just as long as you go back home tonight and let that guarddog boyfriend of yours know how much I helped you out, you know, since he wasn’t around to do it himself.” He paused, his beady, dark little eyes twinkling in sheer delight. “Maybe a two for the price of one discount during our next business transaction would be an appropriate way for him to show me some gratitude?”

If Joel could see the smirk on Kevin’s face, he’d knock it right off with his fist.

“Greedy motherfucker, aren’t you?” You muttered under your breath, before finally nodding your head in agreement. “Fine. I’ll make sure Joel hooks it up on your next deal.” Fat chance of that happening.

Satisfied, Kevin grinned and pushed past you, picking up the child’s body.

Unable to bring yourself to watch him toss it into the roaring flames, you hurriedly walked around to the side of the pickup truck, yanking down the red bandana you used as a mask down from over your nose and mouth. Placing a hand on the side of the truck, you hunched over and closed your eyes for a brief second. “Jesus Christ,” You groaned in a whisper to yourself. “I think I’m going to be fucking sick.”

You half expected to toss your afternoon crackers right there onto the pavement in front of you. However, instead, just a split second later, you felt a sudden cramp in the middle of your pelvis—subtle, but still enough to make you wince. It was immediately followed by a feeling of intense pressure between your legs. Before your mind could even wrap itself around what was happening, there was a gush between your thighs, and warm liquid started trickling down the sides of your legs.

Shit.

Terrified, you glanced down.

Though they were dirty, you could distinctly see the wet patches on your faded, dark blue jeans. “No, no, no. This can’t be happening. It’s too fucking early—”

“Hey! What the hell are you doing over here? Who the fuck said you could stop and take a break?” One of the FEDRA officials who had been assigned to stand guard at the work site came up behind you, his weapon gripped tightly in his hands. When you whirled around to face him, his eyes fell and instantly noticed your soaked jeans. A look of disgust crossed his face. “Jesus. Did you just fucking piss yourself?”

“No—” You stopped yourself, realizing this could be your ticket out of there. “Yeah,” You replied, nodding your head, causing him to let out a repulsed noise. “Sorry. I just saw a little kid, must have made me—”

He held up one of his hands, stopping you. “Save it. I don’t give two shits,” he told you with a shake of his head. “Get your ass home right now and change your clothes, then come back. Make it quick. There’s still a lot of work to be done around here. Understood?”

You nodded again. The muscles in your pelvic area tightened and the feeling drew the tiniest of sharp breaths from you—your contractions were starting. “Yeah,” You managed to say to the official, keeping a straight face. “I’ll be back as fast as I can.”

He dismissively waved you away with his weapon and then stalked off back over to his post.

Letting out a small sigh of relief, you turned on your heel and started to make your way back to the apartment as quickly as possible.

Although the building was about a mile and a half up the road, it felt like you were trekking your way across the fucking country. You felt two more contractions along the way, and while their intensity was still pretty low in such an early stage of your labor, they still hurt like hell. They started around your lower back and gradually moved around to the front of your pelvis. You tried to push past the discomfort in order to get home as quick as possible, but every now and again, you found yourself having to stop in the middle of the sidewalk for just a brief second or two, only long enough to recollect and remind yourself that you needed to get a goddamn grip before someone noticed your strange behavior. Once the building finally came into your view, all you could do was silently pray that by some fucking miracle, Joel would be up there in that apartment, home from work detail.

Your prayer went unanswered.

When you opened the door to your quarters and walked inside, you’d found Tess home by herself. She was sitting at the table, sipping on a glass of whiskey and mindlessly flipping through a decades old newspaper.

“Tess,” You said her name, causing her to look up. “Where’s Joel?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“It’s fucking happening.”

Tess stared at you, her eyes widening slightly. “Wait, what?”

“The baby’s coming,” You informed her, pointing down to your damp jeans. Though you were panicking on the inside, you tried your best to remain as calm as humanly possible. “Where the fuck is Joel?”

Tess tossed aside her newspaper and stood up from the table. “I told you, I don’t know. I know he was reassigned but I’m not sure where—he sure as hell wasn’t with me.” She walked over to you, taking you by the elbow. She pulled you over towards the couch and helped you sit down. “I thought you said it would be at least a few more weeks before the baby came.”

You couldn’t help but shoot her an annoyed look. “Well, he’s coming now, Tess. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

“How long ago did it start?”

“About half an hour ago, maybe. I was at the pits and my water broke after I saw—” You trailed off, deciding the details of what you had seen back at the work site weren’t necessary to disclose to her. “I’ve had a couple of contractions, but they’re pretty far apart.”

“It could be several hours before the baby comes, but there’s still no fucking way that we’ll be able to get you over to Bill and Frank’s in time.” Tess chewed anxiously on her bottom lip as she wracked her brain for any other possible options—it took her mere seconds to realize that there weren’t any other options. “You’re going to have to give birth here.”

“Fantastic,” You deadpanned, leaning back into the couch.

“Okay, here’s the deal. You stay put and I’m going to go out and find Joel. I know there’s a couple of places where he might have been assigned and if I’m right, I can be back with him quickly.” Tess pulled off her watch from her wrist. It was old and cracked, but otherwise, it still worked fine. “I need you to time your contractions. Try and be as accurate as possible.” She then reached into the back pocket of her jeans, producing a red handkerchief.  She handed it to you along with the watch. “Listen. I know it’s going to hurt like hell, but you need to be as quiet as possible. Last thing we need is for someone to hear you and come running in here, especially while I’m gone. If you need to, you bite down on this to keep quiet, alright?”

You swallowed harshly, taking both of the items with nearly trembling fingers. “Alright.”

“Don’t worry. I’m going to find Joel and we’ll be back,” she promised you. “You stay right here, okay?”

“Because I’m such a fucking flight risk right now?”

“Even during labor, you’re still a fucking smartass, huh?” Tess rolled her eyes and reached for her jacket. 

You watched her as she readied herself to take off. “Tess?”

“Yeah?”

“Hurry. Please.”

“Fuck,” You hissed, both of your hands planted on your lower back as you paced back and forth in the kitchen, trying your best to breathe your way through another contraction.

 It had been over an hour and a half and Tess still hadn’t returned with Joel.

Your labor was progressing a lot quicker than you’d anticipated and while it could still be at least a couple more hours before the baby was born, you were still terrified at the mere thought of having to deliver him alone. You needed Joel—you didn’t want to have to do this without him.

“Jesus, fuck,” You cursed through clenched teeth. The waves of pain that were coming at you were almost enough to physically knock you off of your feet and right onto your ass. Tess had been smart to give you her handkerchief. During one particularly painful contraction, you’d shoved it into your mouth, muffling your cries of agony.

Another hour had passed and you were genuinely starting to believe that you were indeed going to have to give birth to the baby all alone in that apartment. “Where the fuck are you guys?” You mumbled to yourself. Perhaps something had happened to them—Joel and Tess had spent ample amounts of time in FEDRA lockup for the stunts that they pulled and it wouldn’t surprise you if they had gone and done something stupid, putting themselves behind bars for the night.

In an attempt to keep your mind from continuously wandering to worst case scenarios, you walked over to the kitchen sink and quickly filled up a large, chipped porcelain bowl with water. You rummaged around for the cleanest washcloth that you could find and then picked up the bowl in your hands, taking care not to spill as you hastily made your way around the single wall that divided the kitchen from the bedroom. You placed the bowl of water on top of the old, cherrywood dresser that separated yours and Joel’s bed from Tess’s bed and immediately started peeling off your dirty clothes. Wanting to hurry before another contraction came along, you dipped the cloth into the water and started running it all over your body, wiping away any soot and dirt that you’d brought home from the work site.

After you had finished cleaning yourself off as best as you possibly could under the circumstances, you searched through the drawers and grabbed one of Joel’s cleaner t-shirts, tugging it over your head. Even with the size of your swollen midsection, his shirt still fit you loosely enough, the hem of it falling to the top of your thighs. You’d finished just in time—another contraction starting coming on and you dropped down onto the bed, gripping the edge of the mattress as you hunched over in a world of hurt. “Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

As it subsided, the sound of the front door opening caused your head to snap up and your heart to skip a beat. Had you been too loud? Or perhaps a neighbor had walked by and heard you?

“Baby?” Joel’s deep voice filled the small apartment. When he appeared around the wall and saw you, a look of utter relief crossed his face and he rushed over to you, Tess following behind him. He crouched down in front of you, both of his hands flying up to the sides of your face. “M’sorry darlin’, I got here as fast I could—”

Though you could have nearly cried from happiness that he was right there in front of you, you found yourself snapping at him, “What took you so fucking long? It’s been fucking hours!”

Tess jumped to Joel’s defense. “I’m sorry, it’s on me! It’s my fault. It took me forever just to fucking find his ass and then we had to find a way to sneak him away from the work site without anyone noticing,” she explained, holding her hands up. “Not to mention, he was on the other end of the fucking QZ. We got here as fast as we could—how far apart are they coming?”

You winced. The truth was, you’d been so busy trying to get through the contractions that you hadn’t been timing them at all. “About that.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I gave you one fucking job—”

“Look, they’re still decently far apart by a few minutes.” You placed a hand on your stomach, suddenly admitting, “But I do feel the urge to push already.”

Joel’s hands slowly dropped from your face and he glanced over his shoulder and up at Tess, looking confused. “Think it’s time?”

She shook her head. “I know it’s going to feel like you need to push as you get closer, but don’t,” she warned you, firmly. “Not yet. They need to come closer together, about a minute to thirty seconds apart. If you start to push too early, you could hurt the baby. Or tear yourself apart.” Tess took off her jacket, tossing it on a nearby chair. “Joel, keep her as comfortable as you can. I’m going to start gathering some supplies. She may not be ready to push now, but I’m thinking within the hour, it’ll be time.”

“Within the hour?” You nearly squeaked.

Joel turned back to you and cupped your face again. The familiarity of his rough, calloused hands on your skin brought some calmness, not enough to completely take your fears away, but just enough that you were able to stay somewhat level headed, even through every single emotion that you were feeling. “Baby, I know you're scared,” he said, his thumb grazing against your cheek. “But I promise you, everythin’ is gonna be just fine, alright? Look at me, right here, look at me,” he urged as he held your face firmly in his hands, forcing you to meet his gaze. “You’re gonna be fine. I won’t let anythin’ happen to you.”

“Joel, it’s childbirth,” You reminded him, smiling wearily. “Don’t make a promise you don’t know if you can actually keep.”

Though he knew deep down inside that you had a point, he repeated himself. “I won’t let anythin’ happen to you. Okay?”

You offered him a small, meek nod. “Okay.”

Joel lifted himself, pressing his lips gently to yours. He pulled away, murmuring against your lips, “That’s my girl.”

The hour that followed had been nothing short of horrific—the pain had become almost unbearable by this point. There wasn’t a single inch of your entire body that wasn’t drenched, soaked in perspiration. Your hair was an absolute mess, plastered to your forehead and to the sides of your face. Tess sat on her bed, waiting on standby for when it was time to deliver. Meanwhile, Joel, could only hold your hand in his and watch helplessly as you tried not to cry out too loudly.

“Joel,” You nearly pleaded his name, as if pleading for him to take his gun and put you out of your misery.

“I know, baby, I know,” he murmured soothingly, squeezing your hand in both of his. “I know it hurts.”

“What if I can’t do this?”

“Sorry, sweet darlin’ but you don’t have much of a choice,” he reminded you. He looked and sounded so fucking tired, so fucking exhausted—and he was. He was exhausted from having to sit there and witness you hurt while there wasn’t a goddamn thing he could do about it.

Once the contractions started coming in at less than a minute apart, Tess checked you. “I can feel the head. It’s time to start pushing,” she announced. Rolling up the sleeves of her shirt up to her elbows, she started giving you instructions. “You’re going to bear all the way down into your bottom as hard as you can. We’ll do ten second counts with short, quick rests in between each push until he comes out. Alright?”

You just about panicked. “Joel—”

“M’right here,” he quickly assured you. “Not goin’ anywhere.”

During the process, Joel had decided to sit behind you, his long legs on either side of you as he held you up at just a couple degrees shy of a ninety degree angle. Tess kneeled on the mattress between your legs, holding your knees apart as she counted through each push out loud for you.

You sank your front teeth hard into your bottom lip, the coppery taste of blood filling your mouth as you tried your hardest from screaming out.

“One, two, three, four—” Tess counted the numbers aloud until she reached the number ten. She watched you as you released a breath, and tapped your knee gently. “Come on, we’re almost there. He’s right there, you’re so fucking close. The harder you push, the quicker this will all be over. So give me one more big, strong push, alright?”

Joel squeezed your shoulders, his lips at your ear as he whispered to you over and over again, “C’mon baby, we’re almost there. It’s almost over.”

You were completely spent, exhausted both physically and mentally beyond what mere words could even explain. Close or not, you simply didn’t have it in you to keep going.

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” You moaned, shaking your head as you slumped back against his chest, your head falling into his shoulder. Your body felt like it was just moments away from giving out on you. “I can’t do it, Joel. I just can’t fucking do this—”

“You can and you fucking will,” Tess all but snapped at you, forcing your knees further apart. “Come on, all I need is one more push. Just one fucking more.”

“But—”

“Baby, please,” Joel begged into your neck. “You have to do this.”

You whimpered. They were right—you didn’t have a choice.

“Okay. One more.” You gave a small, weak nod of your head.

Joel helped you sit back up into the previous position, using his body to help support yours. He kissed the back of your head, his hands on your shoulders again. “Good girl,” he praised, bracing himself to help you through the tail end of the delivery.

“Alright, let’s do this.” Tess positioned herself, her hands ready to receive the baby once he was born. “On the count of three. One, two, three—and push. Come on, that’s it. Come on.” Squeezing your eyes shut, you followed her encouraging words, bearing down as hard as you could muster while Joel counted you through that last strenuous push. “Baby’s out!” Tess nearly cried, and you quickly opened your eyes to see her holding the baby in her arms. 

“Is he okay?” You panted, your chest heaving as you fought to catch your breath. Only mere seconds had passed, but already you found yourself in a state of anxiety over the fact that the baby hadn’t made a single sound yet. “He hasn’t cried—why hasn’t he cried?”

“She,” Tess corrected you, her eyes fixed on the newborn as she worked to clean her off with a damp washcloth. She rubbed her chest in quick, firm circles in an attempt to get her to take her first breath.

Your heart skipped a beat—you’d had a girl?

Behind you, Joel inhaled sharply, his body stiffening.

You watched in concern, your lips parted slightly at the sight before you. Not having the proper tools to clear the child’s airway, Tess tried everything and anything that she could think of to help the baby breathe. As the seconds turned into a minute, and then into two, your heart had all but climbed its way up your throat—never had you heard a silence so deafening.

“Tess,” Joel said her name, his tone dangerously low.

“Fuck Joel, I’m trying here!” Tess snapped at him. She let out a small, frustrated sigh and then turned the baby over onto her forearm. She started patting the infant’s back with her opposite hand. “Come on, sweetheart. Come on, you’re alright. Please breathe. Please—”

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the baby sputtered and let out a wet cough before a small, quick cry filled the entire apartment. 

“Fuck,” You breathed out in complete and utter relief. You sagged back against Joel, who’d also released the breath he’d been holding.

“Shh,” Tess soothed her, flipping the baby back over and bouncing her in her arms in an attempt to quiet her.  

Joel carefully climbed out from behind you, helping you to lean back, up against the wall. “You alright?”

“Better now that I know she’s okay.”

“She’s small, definitely at least a couple of weeks premature, but she looks healthy,” Tess observed. She single handedly clamped the cord, cutting it with a pair of sharp shears before she finished cleaning her off. She reached for the flannel throw blanket next to her, however upon picking it up, she had realized it wasn’t a blanket at all. It was Joel’s flannel jacket, the very same one that you’d worn for most of your pregnancy. But it had been washed the day before and it would do for the time being. Tess wrapped the baby in the jacket before easing her into your arms. Knowing that you’d never held a baby before, Tess reached out and maneuvered your arms, making sure that you were holding her properly, supporting her head and neck. “That’s it. There you go.”

Your heart swelled to twice its normal size inside of your chest and an inexplicable warmth radiated throughout every fiber of your being the moment you laid your eyes on her sweet, tiny little face. “Hi, there,” You cooed gently to her. “Welcome to the shitshow.”

Tess chuckled, crossing her arms over her chest. “Son of a bitch. We fucking did it.”

“What the hell do you mean we?” You rolled your eyes in a joking manner. The truth of the matter was that you would forever be in her debt for all that she had done to help you, not just through childbirth—through everything. 

You then glanced over at Joel, who stood silently behind her, hands planted on his hips.

He said nothing, but his dark brown eyes were glued to the newborn.

Tess cleared her throat lightly, breaking the momentary silence that had suddenly fallen over the three of you. “I’ll give you a minute to take a breather while I go clean myself up. I’ll be back to show you how to feed her.”

She excused herself, heading off towards the kitchen.

Joel shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot. “You—uh, you sure you’re alright?”

“Mhm,” You replied with a nod, unable to contain the small smile that crossed your lips as you drank in the sight of the beautiful baby girl in your arms. She had been born with a head full of dark hair—instantly, she reminded you of Joel. “She’s so little.”

Joel said nothing.

Looking up, you noticed the way his eyes took her in—the same way yours did. 

Part of you almost wanted to ask him if he wanted to hold her.

But you knew better.

“We’ll radio Bill and Frank tomorrow in the morning to let them know she’s here ,” Tess said, coming back into the room. She used a damp cloth to wipe away the blood and other fluids from her forearms. “As soon as you’re able to move, you’ll have to get her over to them.”

Your face fell slightly. “Wait, how soon are we talking?”

“Thinking maybe in a couple days—soon as you can walk.”

Your heart sank deeply into your chest.

Just a couple of days? 

That’s all you would get with her?

Noticing the crestfallen expression on your face, Joel nodded. “Tess is right,” he agreed. “We can’t hide a cryin’ baby in this apartment for too long without someone catchin’ on. The sooner we get her over to Bill and Frank’s, the better.”

You somehow managed to swallow the lump of emotion that had risen in your throat as you looked back down at her tiny face—your daughter’s tiny face.

“Think of a name for her yet?” Tess asked you, tossing her dirty cloth aside.

Joel quickly stepped in and answered for you. “Best you don’t.”

“What?” You stared at him in disbelief. Although neither of you had discussed it, you’d thought that at the very least Joel would allow you to name your child—his child.

“The less attached you are to her, the better.” His tone was short, almost curt. “Less harder it’ll be.”

Even Tess was taken by surprise. “Joel, come on. Are you fucking seri—?”

He held up a hand to stop her. Whirling around on the hell of his boot, Joel said over his shoulder as he left the room, “I’ll be outside. Need some air.”

Your lips pressed together in a thin, tight line. “I guess he’s right.”

The mattress squeaked, shifting slightly as Tess took a seat right next to you on the bed. “You know it’s going to hurt him too,” she told you, quietly. “He’ll never admit it. But when the time comes, it’ll hurt him too.”

“I know,” You whispered, grazing the baby’s cheek lightly with the tip of your index finger.

“Joel loves you, you know.”

Tess’s words caught you by surprise. “Tess—don’t. You don’t need to do this.”

She laughed in spite of herself. “You know, I never thought that man could be capable of loving anyone else ever again, not in this life. Hell, I tried for fucking years just to get him to feel a fraction of what I felt for him and nothing.” Her voice became thick with the emotions that she’d undoubtedly been suppressing for the last few years. “I don’t know what is about you, what drew him to you. But he does love you. More than fucking anything.”

“He’ll probably never admit that either.”

Tess smiled sadly. “I know.”

The five hour trip on foot from the Boston QZ to Lincoln was one that you had gotten used to over the last couple of years, but this trip had been something of a struggle for you, to say the very least.

Between being only a couple of days postpartum, having to make frequent stops to feed the baby, and having her strapped tightly to your chest in a makeshift baby carrier—which in reality was actually just a bedsheet that wrapped around your upper body—you felt quite worn out by the time you and Joel finally made it to Bill and Frank’s.

“Come in, come in,” Frank placed a hand gently on your back as he ushered you inside of the house. “How are you doing? Are you okay?” He tossed a little glare over his shoulder at Joel. “Shame on you for making her walk three days after giving birth! Surely you could have waited at least a few more days before making the trip?”

Joel let out a small, impatient huff and rolled his eyes in response.

“We didn’t wanna risk being caught with her,” You quickly explained as he led you both into the living room. “Our walls are paper thin and she cries real loud. We didn’t wanna risk having the neighbors reporting us to FEDRA.”

“She’s a crier?” Bill, who kept his distance, scoffed. “Great.”

“Oh, stop it, Bill. I’m sure she’ll be a very good baby,” Frank waved his hand dismissively at him. 

“Can you guys help me unwrap?” You asked, lightly tugging at the sheet. “This thing is so uncomfortable.”

Both Joel and Frank helped untie and remove it from around your body.

“Oh my word.” Frank’s hand flew to his mouth and tears instantly welled in his eyes as soon as saw her. “I never thought I’d see—” He trailed off, but you knew what he meant. He never thought he’d see another child ever again, much less a newborn baby. Frank knew better than to overstep or to push you too quickly, and despite his immediate urge to ask you if he could hold her already, he simply settled for lightly touching his fingertips to her tufts of soft, dark hair. “Oh, she’s so beautiful! Isn’t she beautiful, Bill?”

“Looks like an ordinary baby to me,” he grumbled, though as he eyed the child, there was a strange little glint in his eye. Bill, like Frank, also never thought that he’d ever see something like her again.

Frank sniffed, dabbing his tears away with the back of his hand. “Oh! I have some onesies from the boutique, let me grab one for you,” he stated, realizing that the baby was naked, with the exception of the improvised diaper you had her in. “She’s kind of small, even for a newborn. Do you think she came early?” He asked over his shoulder as he walked over to the other side of the room towards a pile of cardboard boxes. “I know it’s hard to tell what week you reached gestation.”

“We think so,” You said, carefully taking a seat on the couch. “She’s small, but she’s healthy. She eats well, she mostly sleeps through the night unless she wakes up hungry or needing to be changed.”

“Here.” Frank walked back over to you and handed you a cream colored onesie printed with yellow sunflowers. He also handed you a matching cloth diaper. “They’re preemie size, but I have a box of newborn sizes too if they’re too snug on her. You let me know what you think is best, alright?”

It didn’t take you very long to realize that Frank was allowing you just a taste of what it was like to properly and normally care for your baby, just like any mother would in a pre-outbreak world. 

Part of you wished that he wouldn’t bother, but you still appreciated his kindness nonetheless.

Frank laid a soft, pink blanket on the couch for you to lay her on.

As you changed her, you felt Joel watching almost intently.

Since she’d been born, he still hadn’t held her. You didn’t take offense to it, nor did it hurt your feelings that he refused to touch her, because you knew how he was feeling—what he was feeling. You would often catch him stealing long, lingering glances at her whenever he’d think you weren’t paying attention. Deep down in your heart, you knew he ached to interact with her, that he wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and give into his paternal instincts. But he was simply trying to make this process as painless for himself as possible. Joel didn’t want to risk developing any kind of attachment to her. 

“Does she have a name?” Frank asked, holding his hands behind his back as he watched you button up the onesie. At this point, he was itching to hold her for the first time, but he wanted to respect what little time you had left to interact with her.

Sure, you would be able to see her every now and again, but Joel was adamant of keeping visits to a minimum.

“She doesn’t,” You replied in a soft voice. “We didn’t name her.”

Joel, who had taken a seat in the rocking chair next to the couch, raked a hand through his hair as Frank shot him glare, as if he knew whose idea it had been to not give her a name. “S’only right for you two to choose a name. We ain’t got no business givin’ her a name.”

“He’s right,” You said, before Frank could protest. “It’s best we leave that to you and Bill.”

Frank touched your shoulder. The sympathy in his eyes nearly made you burst into tears on the spot. Wanting to allow for a brief change of subject, he offered, “How about we all have a bite to eat? Hmm? Surely you must be starving after that long walk.”

You forced a small smile. Food was the last thing on your mind. “That would be nice,” you fibbed. 

For the rest of the afternoon, you refused to put the baby down.

Your arms ached from holding her for so long—but you couldn’t care less. It was one ache that you would happily deal with for the rest of your natural born life if it meant never having to let her go.

Frank had been completely understanding of your desire to keep her with you for as long as you possibly could. Being the incredibly sweet, kind soul that he was, he showed you nothing but patience and didn’t question you, nor did he push you or grill you on whether or not you had changed your mind about leaving her in their care. Bill, being Bill, had muttered a few, passive aggressive incoherencies towards you under his breath over lunch—something about how for someone who claimed they wouldn’t have a problem giving up their baby, you sure as hell seemed to have a hard time letting her out of your grasp.

However, once the late afternoon finally rolled around, you knew that the time for you to say goodbye was on the horizon. As much as you fucking wished you could, there was no changing your mind, not if you wanted your daughter to live safely, happily.

“Bill? Frank? Do you think we can have a minute with her, just the two of us?” You asked them. You had all moved back into the living room after lunch. Knowing time was running out, you hoped that you and Joel could have one last moment alone with her before it was time to leave.

“Of course.” Frank nodded and tugged on Bill’s arm. “We’ll be out in the front yard—the plants need some watering.”

You shot him a tiny, grateful smile. As they disappeared, you leaned back into the couch and made yourself comfortable with the baby.

Joel, who sat over in the rocking chair as he had earlier, pursed his lips. “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” he said, shaking his head at you. “We really should just hand her over and go home.”

“It’s going to be hard no matter what, Joel. May as well enjoy her for a while longer.” You glanced down at her just as she started fussing herself awake. She looked up at you with her dark eyes. “Hello, sweet girl,” You greeted her in a soothing voice as she cooed. 

Joel watched with a heaviness in his heart as you kissed the infant’s cheek delicately. How he wished you would just fucking listen to him.

“You’re going to be safe here,” You told her, lifting your hand to her hair; the ends were beginning to curl slightly. “I know you might grow up and have questions one day, and who knows, maybe when you’re all grown up, you’ll know the truth about everything and you’ll understand why we did what we did.” You paused. “This is the right thing to do, sweet girl. It's the best thing for you. Frank is going to make a great dad, and Bill—well, Bill is Bill. But I know you’ll have him wrapped around your little finger in no time. I promise there’s a softie underneath that grumpy exterior, just have to bring it out of him, is all.” Despite it all, you couldn’t help but laugh a little. 

Joel craned his neck ever so slightly to get a better look at her. “She’s so alert,” he observed. “Y’know, for bein’ a couple days old and all.”

You glanced up at him. Somehow, you mustered up the courage to ask, “Joel? Do you want to hold her?”

Joel hesitated. But you were shocked he didn’t immediately decline.

That meant that he did.

You carefully stood up from the couch and slowly walked over to him. Giving her another kiss on the cheek, you held her out towards him.

Joel looked at her reluctantly, but then gave in and took her into his arms. He leaned his weight back into the chair and started rocking, knowing the movement would be soothing for the baby. “She’s got your nose,” he murmured, watching as the motion started luring her into another slumber.

“That head of hair is all you, though,” You told him with a tiny, sad smile. “I’m going to go get a glass of water from the kitchen. I’ll be right back.”

Moments later, when you’d returned, you stopped in your tracks out in the hallway when you heard Joel speaking. Furrowing your brows, you leaned your back against the wall and listened in to what he was saying.

“Hi babygirl,” he started, his voice low but gentle. “Everythin’ your mama just told you, well, she’s right. We’re doin’ this to keep you safe. We wanna give you a chance at a decent life. She doesn’t wanna give you up. Neither do I,” he confessed. “But we can’t—I can’t keep you safe. I can barely keep your mama safe most of the time, y’know.”

You hung your head, willing yourself to hold back the tears.

“I didn’t want you, at least not at first,” Joel continued to say, an ever so slight tremble to his voice. “Thought you were the biggest mistake we ever could’ve made. But now that you’re here and I’m holdin’ you in my arms, I realize I was wrong. I’m glad you’re here, babygirl. This world is ugly, but you remind me that there’s still beauty in it. Not a whole lot, but just enough to shine a little light in the darkness.”

Joel paused and as you peeked around into the living room, you saw him press his lips carefully to her cheek, right where you’d kissed her too. “You won’t be ours after today, but that doesn’t really matter. At the end of the day, you’re always gonna hold a place in my heart. Right next to your big sister. Alright?”

A tear slipped down your cheek, and you quickly wiped it away with the back of your free hand. As soon as you were certain that he’d said all he had needed to say, you walked into the living room and offered him a sip of your water, behaving as if you hadn’t just heard him pour his heart out to his baby daughter. Joel moved over onto the couch with you and for the next couple of hours, the two of you took turns holding her. By the time early evening arrived, you realized that you and Joel were really pushing it. And knowing Bill, you were absolutely overstaying your welcome.

“So, we just wanted to check in with you two,” Frank said tentatively, nervously wringing his hands together as walked into the room with a very unhappy Bill trailing behind him. “It’ll be getting dark soon.”

You and Joel stood from the couch; he handed the baby over to you.

Your heart lodged in your throat, you walked over to Frank and eased her into his arms. “Here you are.”

Taking a step backwards, you watched as he looked down at her, his face beaming.

“Fatherhood looks good on you,” You couldn’t help but tell him. And you meant it.

Frank was going to make the most incredible, loving father. 

“Does it?” Although he was smiling, he sounded nervous.

“You’re going to be a natural,” You touched his arm lightly. “We know she’s going to be in the best possible care.” Dropping your hand back down to your side, you glanced over at Joel, who stood there silently, his jaw clenched. “We’d better be going.”

“You know you’re more than welcome to come and see her whenever you’d like,” Frank offered. “We really wouldn’t mind that.”

“Don’t take that too literally,” Bill gruffed behind him. “The less visits, the better.”

You nodded, your voice cracking slightly as you said, “We know.”

“Let’s get a move on.” Joel nudged you lightly with his elbow. Did you just hear his voice break a little too?

After one final goodbye, about five minutes later, you and Joel found yourselves on the other side of the fence.

Joel noticed the expression on your face. He could see you crumbling right in front of his very own eyes like a pastry. He didn’t know what to say or do to make it better—hell, he knew nothing was going to make it better. He wanted so badly to reach out and put his arms around you, but he was afraid that one touch would cause you to come undone. “C’mon, we need to get movin’ before it gets too late or we’ll freeze our asses off,” he reminded you quietly. He started leading the way, but turned around when he realized you weren’t following behind him. “Baby—”

And just like that, the sob you’d been fighting finally escaped you.

“I’m sorry, Joel,” You quickly shook your head, trying desperately to stop the tears, but it was too late.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s alright—”

Before Joel could reach out for you, you sank down to your knees on the gravel. You placed your hands over your mouth, trying to muffle the sound of your cries. You knew it would be hard, but nothing could have prepared you for the god awful feeling of leaving Bill and Frank’s empty handed, without your baby daughter in your arms.

Joel sighed softly and crouched down beside you, pulling you into his arms. “Shh, baby. I know,” he tried soothing you, one hand around your shoulders and the other gingerly stroking your hair. “I know.”

Though nightfall was fast approaching, he didn’t push you. He simply held you until you eventually ran out of tears and little hiccups were all that was left. “I’m so sorry.”

“Stop fuckin’ sayin’ you’re sorry,” Joel said, squeezing your body against his to keep you warm against the chilly, evening breeze. “You have nothin’ to be sorry for, alright?”

“It hurts. I know we did the right thing, but it hurts so fucking bad.”

Joel pulled away and looked down at you. The sadness was evident in his gaze. “We did do the right thing. She’s going to be safer here than she could ever be with us in the QZ,” he reminded you, as if you didn’t already know that. “At least here, she’ll be well fed. She’ll have running water. She’ll get to enjoy fresh, clean air. She’ll get to run around the front yard and play in the grass. She won’t have to walk home from fuckin’ FEDRA school past a fire pit full of burnin’ bodies every goddamn day.”

“Maybe it’s just me being selfish, but that doesn’t make it hurt any fucking less, Joel,” You confessed, the guilt causing a fresh batch of tears to brim your eyes. “I know we’ll still get the chance to see her every now and again, but it’s not enough. It won’t ever be enough for me.”

He leaned down, leaning his forehead against yours. “I know. Won’t ever be enough for me either.”

You closed your eyes, another tear finding its way down your cheek. “How the fuck are you supposed to go on when you feel like a part of your heart is missing?”

“You just do,” Joel whispered. “You just move on. Try to, anyway.” He rose to his feet and pulled you up with him. “When I lost Sarah, I had nothing. Nobody. Tommy wasn’t someone I could count on, he was too busy thinkin’ he could save the fuckin’ world.” He chuckled bitterly. “So I carried that grief with me for years, all on my own. Like the weight of a thousand bricks strapped to my fuckin’ back.”

“Joel…” You opened your eyes, your gazes meeting together.

He lightly brushed his lips against forehead. “You ain’t alone, darlin’. You have me and I ain’t gonna let you carry this pain alone. You understand me? Never.”

“I know that,” You choked out. 

Joel pulled you against him once again, his arms wrapping themselves around you. 

“I love you.”

It was just above a whisper, barely audible but you’d heard him.

Clutching fistfuls of his jacket, you buried your face into his chest, uttering, “I love you too.”

[bohemianblasphemy]

Hi. Idk if you write for Homelander but I was inspired by the annon idea of arguing with MM and him stopping mid sentence bcs he sees Butcher behind you. Same idea basically but with Homelander and maybe the Deep? You are the ceo of Vought company ,and arguing abt some thing with deep (he refuses to do sth the way you say it) and as he's becoming more aggressive about to call you some word he sees Hl behind you standing with his arms behind his back,giving him a look thats enough for the deep to shut up and accept your proposal.

first homelander blurb! it’s a liiittle bit goofy but i hope you enjoy✨

“okay… deep i need you to in the New York harbour as we have a few PR crimes that will get you more ratings in the press and for your fan base.” you explain to Kevin, who is not happy with what he is being told to do. “no y/n you know i don’t want to do water based crimes anymore! i want more than that… im the Deep for fucks sake.” he complained, crossing his arms and pouting like a child. You, the CEO of Vought rolled your eyes at him “deep, you are quite literally the Lord of the Seven Seas, your BRAND is the water. therefore, you have water based crimes.” you explained, taking a deep breath

he continued to pout, huffing and puffing at the task he has been assigned. his eyebrows furrowed together and looked at you with darkened eyes, he slowly walked up to you to look down at you, intimidating you. “i am a part of the Seven and i am just as important as the others- i am just as capable of land crimes-“ “i am aware, but right now you’re going to have to take this and run with it otherwise you’re not gonna have any good PR.” you interrupted, which makes him explode in anger. “you will give me what i am deserving of you good for nothing b-“

“deep… what do you think you’re doing?” a larger than life voice suddenly fills the office room. in the doorway was Homelander, flashing a small smile towards you. The Deep’s demeanour became suddenly meek- muttering a “hello homelander”, knowing what would happen if he had of continued his degrading sentence. Homelander strutted towards the both of you and stood at attention next to you. Deep backed away slowly, looking down at his feet.

“i don’t quite appreciate the way that you’re talking to Y/N here, she’s in charge of what she assigns you and can take it away with a snap of their fingers- you wouldn’t want that would you?” the deep shakes his head quickly. “so, i’d like for you to apologise to them. now.” he looks down at him, staring at him with his eerie blank expression. “i’m s-sorry homela- i mean y/n, i will take the assignments, thank you.” he leaves your office with his assignments and with his tail between his legs and out to the hallway, closing the door behind him. you look up at homelander mouthing a thank you to him, and he turns around to stand in front of you, he puts his hands on your shoulders, slowly stroking them with his thumbs. “you shouldn’t be talked at like that, especially by that glorified joke of a supe.” he reassures, giving you a grin.

[sideeve]

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀assigning the wickverse characters links ! !

characters ;;

— ted logan , john wick , constantine , kevin , neo

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ted logan 🎸

— before ted met you , he was a virgin. he had never experimented with women because…well he just never cared for it. his main goal was to become a rock star.

— when the two of you got together , sex wasn’t even on the table. you two were to happy together without it to even bring it up.

— until he heard some boys in one of his classes talking about their sex life. “she was screaming bad. she enjoyed every inch.” “she won’t leave me after that.”

— ‘were you happy with him?’ ‘did you want sex?’ ‘was he enough for you?’ his mind was flooded with self deprecating thoughts , making him more insecure about himself. he didn’t want you to leave him.

— so he did what he could. he went to the back of blockbusters , looking for any popular porno for him to learn how to pleasure a woman. “sick.”

“teddy.” you gasp as he softly pushes you on his bed. “shh. i’ve got you, baby. just let me take the lead.” he kisses down your neck. he rolls your shirt over your head, rubbing his hand over your soft skin. ‘what’s gotten into him’ you thought. your bra and panties were next to go, leaving you naked in front of him. “shit…” he didn’t think this all through. he imagined everything but he didn’t actually expect all of this to happened. but he he pulled himself together, taking a deep breath and leveling his mind. “you’re beautiful.” he kisses down your leg, stopping at your inner thighs. you didn’t know how to react. you and ted both were virgins from what you knew. how was he so confident about this? but you weren’t really complaining. the way his tongue flick across your clit was intoxicating. “oh my god , ted.” your fingers card through his brown locks. “don’t—don’t stop.” you whine , squeezing your thighs around his head. his wet tongue licks through your folds , making your shiver in pleasure. “you can’t be finished already , babe. we haven’t even gotten to the good stuff.” he chuckles like nothing has happened. like he wasn’t the one making your legs shaken two seconds ago.

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀john constantine 🛁

— christ. why was being with a woman so hard? to him , they were sensitive being loaded with unnecessary emotions and uneven hormones. you and him had gotten into another argument and haven’t talked in weeks.

— he kept telling himself that he didn’t need you and that he waited for you to cave in first. but a man has his needs. and he needed to let out his saved sexual tension.

— his fist would only work for so long. he needed the real thing. or at least look at the real thing. he remembers the stacked of recorded sex tapes the both of you needed.

“fuck it.” he tosses his cigarette across the room after budding it out. he walks over the the pile of tapes. special tapes. if you wouldn’t give it up , he had a way to still get off with you. he pulls out his cock out its confinement , groaning as he sees how angry his tip is , oozing pre-cum. “sonfabitch.” he presses the play button , stroking his length. “john.” your moans came from the speakers of the tv. his grip on your hips were like iron. his tip kisses the hilt of your cunt , making your brain feel like mush. “please.” you grab his hand , attempting to pull it off you. “move.” he swats your head away. “stay still.” he groan , his head lolling backwards. “goddamnit!” he groans, tucking himself back in. he reaches for his phone, looking for your contact. the line goes to voicemail but that doesn’t stop him. “baby, i’m sorry. just come over.”

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ mr. wick ✏️

— he’d been really mean lately. really mean. he would lash out at on you with simple things , depriving you of attention , making you feel like shit. and you had enough of it.

— one night , as he was winding down , you straddled his hips , giving him no room to move. and frankly , he wasn’t disappointed. you looked so sexy on top of him , taking initiative. it was until your rode him at he regretted how he treated you.

“baby. i’m sorry. please.” this was the first time you’ve seen him whine, beg none the less. you restricted him the privilege to touching you. he was twitching under you as you rode him to oblivion. “i’m sorry, honey. please just let me touch you.” he tries to touch your thigh, just wanting to touch one piece of you. “fucking touch me one more time and i’m tying you up.” you pull his wrists over his hand. “sweetheart, this is unfair. i just—” he groans as you sink yourself on his cock again. “shit!” he seethe through his teeth. “i swear after you’re done, i’m fucking you through the damn mattress.”

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ kevin lomax 💸

— now listen. just listen.

— after a gala (or whatever you call it) , he just wanted to fuck you in that dress you dawned tonight. he was tempted to fuck you in public , giving everyone a show to see but that would be unruly of him.

— he decided to take you home and have his way with you but you looked too fucking hot for him not to have you right then and there.

“come on, baby. cum on my fingers , please.” in addition to his fingers , his faint country accent was sending over the damn edge. his digits were coated with your slick , making velvety sounds every time they pushed in and out out you. he curls his fingers , pulsing them inside of you. “we’re not making it home until you cum.” he chuckles. “kev…” you moan, leaning your head on the window behind you. the feeling was euphoric , overwhelming. you wanted to let go then and there but he was teasing you bad , making you chase your own orgasm. “i guess you don’t want to feel good. huh , sugar?”

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ neo 📀

— mutual masturb*tion! i headcanon the neo loves this shit. you stroking his cock lazily as his fingers pump inside of you.

— his whimpers and moans make you wetter and wetter by the second. how cute was it to have the one submit under your touch? fucking beautiful.

“you’re doing so good , baby.” the time count has been lost. all you knew was that it was time to kill the lights. both you and neo were restless and needed a quick release. you were too lazy to remove your clothes and so was he. you snuck your hand under his loose sweats , softly grabbing his cock. his hips jerked at the sudden touch. “calm down, baby. i haven’t even started.” you teased. “baby…” your lips ghost over his adam’s apple , nipping carefully at his throat. you spread his pre-cum over his tip , eliciting a loud whimper from his lips. “hush, neo. do you want to wake up the ship?” you softly chuckle. he felt bad that you were doing all the work in his. he wanted to hear you moan also. he missed you after all these runs he’s been on. the only time he could catch you was when he went to sleep. his thumbs draws tight circles around your clothed clit. “n—neo.” you almost fold. almost. “i can’t be the only one having fun, right?” he pulls you in for a kiss. this is gonna be a loooong night.

i—don’t say anything…i had an idea

taglist ;; @iovesia

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Don Moynihan at Can We Still Govern?:

Imagine being an employee so toxic that you were fired by a guy who boasted to his co-workers about beating a dog to death with a shovel. Now imagine that you are still less sketchy than the guy using the dating app he started to solicit 18 year old girls, offering them free trips to LA to “hook up.” What do these people have in common? They are key figures in Trump’s effort to redesign the federal public sector. The guys who should trigger calls to HR want to become the HR system for government.

I am speaking of Paul Dans, the head of Project 2025 until he exited in July, John McEntee, who led the screening of Republican political appointees for both Trump and Project 2025, and Kevin Roberts, the President of the Heritage Foundation overseeing Project 2025. Both Dans and McEntee are people who would not have held any positions of power in a normal presidential administration. McEntee was kicked out of the White House when he failed a security check due to frequent gambling. He had no obvious qualifications apart from being the guy who carried Trump’s bag and being unswervingly loyal to Trump. But when Trump brought him back to the White House, he ordered that McEntee also be put in charge of the enormously important Presidential Personnel Office.

One of Tump’s own appointees voiced concerns about McEntee, saying “Mr. President, I have never said no to anything you’ve asked me to do, but I am asking you to please reconsider this. I don’t think it is a good idea.” Trump grew apoplectic: “You people never fucking listen to me! You’re going to fucking do what I tell you to do.” Paul Dans was another Trump loyalist, one who struggled to find a place in the administration despite volunteering on the Trump campaign. He had no relevant experience in government, and had failed to make partner in an unremarkable legal career. Despite his lack of qualifications, Dans had a different explanation, which was that he was one of a group of “people getting sandbagged because somebody thought that they were too ‘America First’-y or too Trumpist.” He finally broke into government with a position in HUD thanks to a Federalist Society connection with James Bacon, a college student working for Ben Carson. Bacon would later get recruited by McEntee to join him at the Presidential Personnel Office, and in turn brought Dans on board.

“Toxic and Abusive Behavior”

From the Presidential Personnel Office, Dans star finally rose. He was deployed to the Office of Personnel Management, which oversees the career civil service. At OPM he championed Schedule F, the directive that would allow appointees like Dans to fire long-time career public servants. The Director of OPM resigned when she was told by McEntee that she now answered to Dans, who became the de facto leader of the agency. Dans’ inexperience with government showed. Anytime he encountered a delay he assumed it was deliberate: “He questioned everything from the point of view that there was a conspiracy against him and the president,” said a fellow Republican appointee. He would lose his temper and “just throw bombs into senior staff meetings��� making him an intimidating figure. The pattern of abusive workplace behavior did not stop him from being handed the plum assignment of leading Project 2025. And when Dans exited in late July, Heritage praised him, with Kevin Roberts posting that Dans “built the project from scratch and bravely led this endeavor over the last two years.” New reporting paints a darker story. Dans was fired for being a toxic colleague. He yelled and swore at co-workers, demeaning them. Colleagues said that Dans “always struggled to maintain collegiality” and described “toxic and abusive behavior” especially toward female colleagues. He failed to listen to repeated warnings, including from Roberts, to behave professionally. After an internal investigation, he was fired for what the Heritage Foundation now acknowledges was “professional misconduct and mistreatment of colleagues.”

The “Deputy President”

When the Trump administration ended, McEntee could have followed the route of other ex-Trumpers and joined a think tank. While he would eventually return to this world via Project 2025, his priorities were elsewhere. With backing from the tech billionaire and Trump/Vance supporter Peter Thiel, McEntee launched a dating app aimed at conservatives, called “The Right Stuff.” In explaining his motivation for creating the app, McEntee wrote: “Washington, D.C. is a very liberal city, and I'm super conservative. How could I find people who had the same values as me? I found I couldn't really use the apps because it was tough to find someone on there with similar opinions…Personally, I have never and would never date anyone who doesn't share the same political views as me.” McEntee’s app received mixed reviews. Users complained about the Ashley Madisonesque lack of women on the site.

[...]

The Dog Killer in Charge

Overseeing all of this is the Heritage Foundation President Kevin Roberts. And Roberts has his own problems: multiple former colleagues said he had boasted about killing a neighbor’s dog with a shovel. The timing is bad, of course, since a key policy message of Trump and JD Vance (who wrote the foreword for Robert’s new book), is that that it is immigrants are killing beloved pets. Instead, it seems to be the person in charge of the governing blueprint that Trump keeps trying to distance himself from. While Roberts deserves some credit for firing Dans, the anonymous Heritage leaks disparaging Dans appear to have come after he demanded a $3.1 million severance package, which Heritage rebuffed. At the same time, Heritage has nothing to say about their other Project 2025 employee, McEntee. While it might denounce toxic behavior in their workplace, predatory behavior by their employees is fine. Dans is a person that Heritage would not employ because of his toxic behavior. But they think his ideas are appropriate for massively restructuring the federal personnel system so that people like Dans and McEntee can fire whoever they want. McEntee is not someone you would want anywhere near younger women. But he is the person that both Trump and Heritage put in charge of recruiting the next generation of appointees.

Don Moynihan wrote another solid column on how three toxic men who seek to control the federal civil service sector should Donald Trump get back in.

[minyards-pipedream]

Cunt or Cryptid?

Welcome to the post where I tell you which of the Foxes serve Cunt and which are just Cryptids.

(The term cryptid is being used because it sounds cute with the title. This post may also contain things that are considered to be on the side of folklore.)

Dan Wilds

Cunt, obviously. She is their fearless leader and not afraid to absolutely annihilate a man’s chances of fathering children with her heels.

Kevin Day

Cunty Cryptid. He’s giving Loch Ness Monster. Everyone knows him, everyone wants to see him, but he knows what he’s good at and stays in his lane. I also think Kevin would enjoy that Nessie has such a long history behind her - the first recorded sighting being written in a biography from the 7th Century.

Andrew Minyard

Now don’t lose me here but CUNT. This is wholly an Autistic Gay Man and he knows what he’s doing to get people wrapped around his fucking finger. He may be the fearless leader of the monsters, but the only monster he’s serving is-

Matt Boyd

Cunt, but Cryptid-adjacent. He obviously serves in both his attitude and choice of girlfriend. However, he is a certified cryptid wrangler as seen with his relationship with both Neil and Seth. He is very close to making the transition from Deer to Not Deer. (A cryptid we will very much be covering later.)

Aaron Minyard

Cryptid. I would make a point about how he’s a collegiate athlete and pre-med student that parties almost every weekend and still manages to hold down a secret girlfriend, buttttt - let’s talk Banshees. Banshees are seen as an omen of death, their wailing cries foretelling of death to come. Aaron Minyard’s actions and words directly lead to the deaths of both Tilda Minyard (he was the one desperate to connect with Andrew and the abuse he received was the reason Andrew killed their mother) and Drake (see above, so they all go to visit, we know Aaron kills Drake). BUT what we don’t talk about is that Andrew went to college FOR Aaron to become a doctor, which means Aaron’s wishes were why Andrew eventually came to pick up his two strays. Neil gets caught by his father’s people because he stays at Palmetto with Andrew’s promise. Stuart and his men kill Nathan and his people saving Neil. Butterfly effect - Aaron also got *all* of those people killed. Banshee. Rant over lol.

Seth Gordon

Serving a secret third option : Corpse

Allison Reynolds

Cunt. She invented Cunt.

Nicky Hemmick

Cryptid. Huan Cat. Chinese folklore states that they’d be kept around the house to ward off evil spirits - like how Nicky came home to protect the twins from his parents. To give them a home where they’d be safe and loved. Huan Cats are also known for their mimicry, which reminds me of how Nicky can slot in with either the monsters or the rest of the team depending on need.

Renee Walker

Cryptid, Renee is our lovely Not Deer. Not Deer are said to appear like normal deer until you get a little closer, and look a little harder. They move differently, limbs appearing to be double jointed, and their faces and antlers contorted - which I think is a great way to allude to Renee’s inner demons that she’s working to grow past. Not Deer are also said to be entirely unafraid of humans, often approaching them when they’re alone and in the dark. This harkens to her relationship she cultivated with Andrew. She may appear normal at first, but upon further inspection, she may have more in common with the monsters than most.

Neil Josten

Cryptid, obviously. I’d like to give him Fresno Nightcrawler. He gives off their strange little man vibes, and no one can quite decide who he is or what they are. (Aliens? A pair of pants blowing on a loose clothes line? A new species of armless primate? It’s giving Alex? Stefan? Chris?) They’ve also been sighted all over the world, often running away from people. (Fresno, Yosemite, Poland.) And for these reasons, Neil Josten is being assigned as a creepy lil’ dude.

[exy-shmexy]

Aaron letting himself collapse on the floor after an intense footwork practice session where Kevin breathed down everyone’s necks so they would be perfect for finals.

His lungs are on fire, his legs have the consistency of jelly left in the sun for too long, and he is exhausted from all the assignments and tests he has had to work on and study for. As soon as Wymack whistles the end of practice, he tosses his helmet away, falls to his knees first, then willingly lets gravity pull him down until he’s sprawling on his back. He doesn’t care one bit. He’s just tired. He hears footsteps coming his way.

Matt appears from above him, looming high, and looking just as rough as he is. “You good buddy?” he asks. They’ve gotten closer ever since Aaron switched dorms with Neil. Aaron nods silently.

Matt stretches his hand outfor Aaron to take but he shakes his head. “The floor is great right now,” Aaron wheezes.

Matt snorts. Then he does something Aaron didn’t see coming. He crouches and lets himself lay down next to him. “Huh,” Matt says after a beat. “The floor is great right now indeed.”

Aaron stares at him, wondering what’s going on.

Before he can figure it out, Nicky sprawls on Matt’s other side. “Goddammit, I’m fucking parched,” his cousin says through ragged breaths. “Are we having a floor party? Why wasn’t I invited?”

“You just invited yourself,” Aaron answers. There is no heat in his voice.

“Oh Maaatt,” Dan’s voice comes from somewhere on Aaron’s left. She flops down on top of her boyfriend. “I can’t stand up anymore. Day is gonna be the end of me.”

“He’s gonna be the end of us,” Nicky cries dramatically.

“You should thank him. Erik is gonna love those thick thighs,” Matt smiles.

“Got anything you want to admit to the general public, Boyd?” Nicky fires back, playful grin on his lips.

“Keep your flirting away from here,” Aaron groans.

And then the bane of his existence appears in his field of vision, Andrew silent by his side. “You flirt with Katelyn all day long, that’s rich of you to say.”

“Fuck off, Josten.”

“Can’t face the truth?”

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Aaron cannot add anything else as a full water bottle lands on his chest.

“Drink,” Andrew commands quietly Aaron grumbles. He opens the bottle. But he freezes. Because Andrew sits down next to him and tugs Neil down on the floor with him. The redhead willingly lets him and soon enough, half the team is on the floor surrounding Aaron.

Renee, who until then had been helping Allison clean up the court, calls Kevin to join them. It takes a lot of convincing before he joins them too, but eventually all the Foxes are there in a circle. Aaron ignores the feeling in his chest. He ignores the fact that despite thinking he would always be alone, he now has a family, no matter how dysfunctional. He won’t admit it out loud—not yet at least—but he is grateful for every single one of them.

Even Neil, no matter how hard he denies it.

[skateordiebitch]

Enemies to lovers!Dom and him being in secretly in love with you because I’m a sucker for clichés lol💕

CABIN FEVER || D.F x reader

summary: dominic fike is your childhood best friend turned enemy. every conversation is a recipe for disaster... but, what happens when you guys have to share a room in a cabin for a weekend?

ah yes the enemies to lovers clichè...... love her dearly!!! dominic gives that vibe heavy for some reason LMAO. it was a little too easy to write this. anyways, per usual requests are open and enjoy!

Dominic and you had a rhythm to your rivalry — if you could call it that. It was the kind of relationship where you’d sooner pretend to be total strangers than acknowledge the magnetic, impossible-to-ignore pull between you.

The friends you shared, however, were not blind to this ongoing feud; they thrived on it, watching with half-amused, half-exasperated smiles every time you and Dominic ended up in the same room.

There was a long list of reasons why you couldn’t stand him. 

The ego was a big part, for one. He knew he was a big deal and didn’t care who knew it, throwing around his charm like it was a game, getting whatever he wanted without so much as lifting a finger. 

And the worst part? 

Everyone else seemed to eat it up.

Except you.

You found the arrogance insufferable. It didn’t help that he’d never hesitated to pick you apart, finding flaws and quirks he could tease, always seeming to know exactly how to get under your skin. 

If you made a comment about his music career, he’d fire back with a smirk, implying that you could only dream of being so successful.

The mutual friends between you knew better than to let you two share a ride to group outings. 

There was one infamous night, when you’d been forced to share an Uber home after a party. 

The whole drive was a back-and-forth argument that could have been the script for a rom-com — only there was nothing “romantic” about the way you hurled insults and Dominic rolled his eyes, making jabs about how you were “almost as stubborn as you were clueless.” 

It had gotten so heated that the Uber driver had kicked you both out halfway home.

And that became the norm. 

Snide remarks, bickering, and a constant battle of who could out-wit the other. It was never kind, never playful. If anything, it felt like every interaction was just barely avoiding a complete explosion.

Your ongoing rivalry with Dominic had become such a given that no one even tried to keep you two apart anymore. 

It was easier to just let you both simmer, each party assuming you’d work out your differences — or at least tolerate each other. 

But when your mutual friend, Kevin, decided to celebrate his birthday with a weekend trip to the mountains, the room assignments threw a wrench in everyone’s plans.

And there was no doubt that it wasn’t just a ‘coincidence.’

You practically laughed when he said, “You’re with Dominic.” Until you realized he was serious.

“No way,” you protested. “Oh, absolutely not. There’s no way.”

He just raised an eyebrow. “I’m not splitting you guys up at this point. You guys need to learn how to get along.”

“We aren’t five, Kev,” you say in protest, “I just don’t wanna be with… him.”

All Kevin did was laugh in your face, “Tell yourself, that. Maybe some forced time together will make you both act like normal human beings.”

You knew better than to argue when Kevin had that look on his face. That look that said ‘room with him, or don’t come at all.’

So, with no choice but to accept the arrangement, you found yourself sleeping in the same room with the one person you’d much rather avoid.

The cabin itself was beautiful, set against a backdrop of pine trees and snowy mountains. It was the sort of place meant for cozying up, but that idea made you laugh in spite of yourself as you and Dominic entered the small, shared room.

He tossed his bag onto the bed with a dramatic sigh, shooting you a glare. “This has got to be a fucking joke.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” you muttered, already strategizing how you’d manage to avoid him for the next three days.

Unfortunately, there was no escape.

The room was too small, and the cabin was filled with your friends, all of whom seemed to think your bickering was just a “cute quirk.”

You threw your bag on the bed closest to the window, hoping to claim the best spot. Dominic followed suit, watching you like you’d just challenged him to a duel.

“Are you seriously taking the bed by the window?” he scoffed, throwing his own bag onto the other bed. “Typical.”

“Typical?” you echoed, raising a brow. “Oh, that’s rich coming from the guy who has to turn everything into a competition.”

He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he leaned back against the bed frame. “Right, because this is all about me. You’re the one who walked in here like it’s some sort of battleground. But sure, pull the victim card if it makes you feel better.”

“Victim?!” You could practically feel your blood pressure spike. “God, Dominic. You are actually unbelievable!”

“Glad to see I’m still under your skin,” he said with that infuriating smirk, his tone dripping with smugness. He leaned a little closer, his eyes glinting with mischief. “I’ll try not to keep you up too much tonight. You know, since you seem so... affected by my presence.”

You laughed, mirthless. “You really think that highly of yourself, huh? I can’t wait to be so far on the other side of the room I forget you’re even here.”

“Oh, please,” he shot back, feigning hurt. “You’d be bored to death without me around. Admit it. You’re secretly thrilled to have me as your little roommate.”

“In your dreams, Dominic.”

He leaned in, his voice dropping to a low murmur. “Funny, because I’m betting I’ll be in yours tonight.”

The weekend had barely started, and you already felt on edge, like you were navigating a minefield. 

“Whatever,” You say, unpacking your things.

“Just saying, you know the clichè, right?” Dominic asks, plopping down on his bed.

You shake your head, “What are you even talking about?”

“The clichè— Where the two enemies forced to be together? By the end of it, they’re in love.”

You almost burst out laughing, “You’re delusional, Dom.”

“Everyone knows that’s how this works!”

You nodded your head, “Yeah, it works in books and movies. Not real life, which you seem to not live in, anyways.”

Dominic seemed determined to make this the most unbearable three days of your life, and the worst part was, you couldn’t shake the thrill of it.

—

The first night passed in silence, both of you avoiding eye contact as you got ready for bed. 

“Sweet dreams, Y/N. Try not to wake up flustered.”

“Shut up.”

The room was so small that every little movement was noticed, every breath too loud. 

You lay on your side, facing the wall, determined to ignore the fact that Dominic was just a few feet away. But in the silence, you could practically feel his presence, that maddening, familiar energy filling the room.

In the morning, things didn’t get any better. You were both tired, and it only took a sideways glance from him to set you off.

“Dominic,” you said, voice laced with warning as you passed him in the kitchen.

“What? I haven’t even said anything,” he replied, but his eyes gleamed with amusement.

“You don’t have to,” you shot back. “Your whole existence is enough to irritate me.”

“Good to know,” he replied, arching a brow, his voice low. “Seems like I’ve made an impact on you.”

The tension was getting thicker, and your friends couldn’t help but notice. They threw each other subtle, knowing looks as if they were all in on some inside joke.

—

By the second night, the snowstorm had hit hard, trapping everyone indoors with no signal and no escape. 

You’d never been the kind of person who got easily bored, but being trapped with Dominic had a way of testing your patience.

Somehow, you’d all ended up playing a game of “truth or dare” — though, with Dominic around, it became less of a game and more of an excuse for him to test your limits.

“Truth,” you said, hoping for a harmless question from one of your friends.

But Dominic jumped in, his smirk unmistakable. “What’s one thing you actually like about me?”

You stared at him, momentarily thrown. “No, I’m not answering anything from you.”

Dominic scoffed, “Oh, c’mon, Y/N! That’s not fair, you asked, I answered.”

“No.”

“Yes,” He smirks, “Don’t be like this.”

You rolled your eyes, “Dominic, that’s not even a real question.”

“Oh, yes it is,” he replied, his gaze fixed on you. “And I’m genuinely curious. One good thing, that’s all I ask.”

Your friends laughed, but Dominic’s expression was all challenge. He knew you’d never say anything remotely kind about him — and you weren’t about to give him the satisfaction.

After a moment of silence, you sighed, rolling your eyes. “Fine. I guess you’re… persistent.”

“Persistent?” he echoed, brow raised. “That’s it?”

“That’s all you’re getting,” you replied, shifting uncomfortably under his intense gaze.

The boy groaned, obviously irritated at your answer, “Persistent. Right. That’s just code for ‘annoying,’ isn’t it?”

“Not everything’s about you,” you replied, tone sharp, though the heat from his gaze was already crawling under your skin. “Maybe it’s a compliment. Who knows?”

He chuckled, a low, grating sound. “You? Compliment me? Hell would freeze over before that.”

“Oh, trust me,” you shot back, “I’m regretting saying anything already.”

The game went on, but the room was thick with tension, a charged undercurrent that was impossible to ignore. 

Every time Dominic looked your way, you felt it — like a daring challenge, a spark, something that neither of you were willing to acknowledge out loud.

The night dragged on with endless rounds of “truth or dare,” and each turn with Dominic somehow turned up the heat. 

He was relentless, always choosing you to ask his questions, each one more infuriating than the last.

“Truth or dare?” he asked for what felt like the hundredth time, his voice smooth as silk, his gaze locked onto yours.

“Truth,” you answered, wary of whatever he’d throw at you next.

“What’s the worst thing about me?” he asked, the corners of his mouth lifting just slightly.

You scoffed, pretending to think. “Where the hell do I start?”

His eyes glinted, a mix of amusement and something darker, something that made your pulse race. “Try me. Hurt my feelings. Make me cry.”

“I’m not gonna make you cry,” You say, watching your friends get really good at being a laugh track. 

“So there’s nothing bad about me then, huh? You seem to be avoiding this one.”

“You’re the most egotistical person I have ever met, you never take anything seriously, and you act like everyone’s here for your entertainment.” 

Dominic nods his head, “Yeah, sounds about right.” He smirks right at you, “You know me so well…”

Something in you fueled you to keep going. Like this was the weight of his presence being lifted from your shoulders—

“You literally make me nauseous every time you enter the room, because I know we’re just gonna fucking argue. And it’s funny, because at one point— I never wanted to be without you! In fact, I hated every second we were apart!”

The room went silent, as all of your guys’ friends looked around at each other.

You sigh, “Now, it’s impossible for me to even breathe the same air as you. There. Happy?”

For a moment, you thought perhaps that was too much. Too harsh. That it could genuinely upset him. 

But instead of being offended, he just grinned wider, leaning in closer. “You really think about me that much, huh? How romantic, Y/N, truly. I’m flattered!”

Your friends let out a collective “ooh,” but all you could focus on was Dominic’s gaze, so intense it was like the rest of the room had disappeared.

“Please,” you muttered, refusing to look away. “As if I’d waste time on that.”

“Waste time on me? Funny, you look pretty worked up for someone who doesn’t care,” he said, leaning back with a smug, self-satisfied look. “Or is this just some dramatic little act of yours?”

You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms. “Oh, I forgot, Mr. Ego here thinks he’s some great mystery worth unraveling.”

“Ouch. Here I was, thinking you’d have at least one nice thing to say about me. Or are you too proud to admit I might actually have some redeeming qualities?”

“Nice things?” You scoffed, narrowing your eyes at him. “Please, I don’t think ‘nice’ and ‘Dominic’ even belong in the same sentence.”

He chuckled, a low, dark laugh that seemed to echo in the space between you. “See, that’s what I like about you, Y/N. Always keeping it real. Just too bad it’s also what makes you insufferable.”

“Insufferable? That’s rich coming from your smug ass.” You shot back, leaning closer, feeling a mix of anger and something else, something you couldn’t quite name.

“Maybe so,” he replied, gaze darkening as he matched your stare. “But at least I’m honest about it… Can you say the same?”

Your friends let out another round of gasps and snickers, but neither of you broke eye contact. 

The air was charged, as if neither of you were willing to back down first. 

Then, he leaned in a fraction closer, his voice dropping so only you could hear.

“Careful, Y/N. Keep pushing like that, and who knows what you might find out.”

The challenge was there, thick and unspoken, and every nerve in your body seemed to hum with it. 

“Trust me, Dom, I don’t need to know anything more than what I already do. And I’m not pushing. I’m pulling away as fast as I can.”

“Oh, really?” His voice was almost a murmur now, but it was edged with something hot and dangerous. “Could’ve fooled me.”

With that, he shot you one last infuriating smirk, leaning back like he hadn’t just raised the stakes, leaving you feeling like the whole room had started spinning.

—

Later that night, after everyone had drifted off to bed, you found yourself in the kitchen, unable to sleep. The quiet felt like a relief — until you heard footsteps, and Dominic appeared in the doorway, his expression unreadable.

“Can’t sleep?” he asked, leaning against the counter.

You shrugged, pouring yourself a glass of water. “Not with you in the same room.”

He chuckled, but there was an edge to it. “Funny, I was thinking the same thing. I’m sorry, was I making you nauseous?”

“No, I just— I don’t know. I just can’t sleep.”

“Was my ego taking up too much space?” He asked, and it was then you realized. He was bringing up the answers you gave in the stupid game. 

Was he actually upset? 

Did you actually say things to hurt him?

“Dominic, what are you saying right now?” 

For a moment, there was silence, a tension thick enough to cut. Then he surprised you by saying, “You know, that game got me thinking. You’re right, it wasn’t always like this between us.”

You frowned, caught off guard. “Yeah, I’m aware. What’s that supposed to mean?”

He looked down, his expression softening. “I don’t know. Back in high school, I actually thought… Well, I thought we could be something.”

You blinked, too stunned to respond immediately. He’d never been this honest, never even hinted at any real feelings. “What happened to that, then?”

He hesitated, looking out the window. “I don’t know. Things just changed. I was trying to figure myself out, the music was taking off… I guess I thought it’d be easier if I pushed you away.”

“That’s your excuse? Really, Dom?” you asked, anger bubbling up. “You just… gave up? And for what? To become this arrogant, self-absorbed version of yourself?”

“Maybe,” he said quietly, his voice almost a whisper. “But, maybe I just didn’t want to get hurt.”

“Did I actually hurt your feelings or something? What’s with you tonight?” You chuckled, wanting to believe that he wasn’t just doing all of this to make him forget about what could have been.

Dominic shrugged, “I mean, I definitely wasn’t expecting the answer you gave me. I don’t know, whatever,” He sighed, “Just forget it. Goodnight.”

He turned around to walk back to the room.

“Dominic—“ You start as he cut you off immediately, “You know what? Just sleep on the couch at this point, if it’s really that big of a deal to sleep in the same room as me.”

“Dom…” You said, with a tone that surprised you. A disappointed tone. Like you were upset… that Dominic seemed upset.

The small admission lingered in the kitchen, raw and vulnerable. And suddenly you realized, for the first time in years, you saw him differently — not as the arrogant musician who’d become a stranger, but as the boy you’d once known, the friend you’d once cared about.

—

The next morning, as everyone packed up their gear to go sledding, you found yourself walking beside Dominic, who seemed uncharacteristically quiet. 

The snowstorm had died down, leaving the trees dusted with powder, the air crisp and fresh.

The group had decided on a steep hill for sledding, which quickly proved to be a mistake. One by one, your friends wiped out in spectacular fashion, laughing as they tumbled down the hill.

When it was your turn, Dominic joined you, grabbing a sled and flashing you a grin. “Scared?”

You narrowed your eyes. “Of sledding? Not a chance.”

With a push, the two of you shot down the hill, the sled picking up speed as it zipped over bumps and divots. 

For a moment, you felt exhilarated, laughing as the cold wind whipped through your hair. But then the sled veered off course, heading straight for a small tree.

Without thinking, Dominic threw his arm around you, pulling you close as the sled came to a sudden halt. You landed in a heap in the snow, Dominic’s arms still around you, his face inches from yours.

For a moment, neither of you moved. 

The world seemed to go silent, the only sound your heavy breathing as you stared at each other. You felt your heart racing, but whether from the thrill of the sledding or the intensity of his gaze, you couldn’t say.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly, his voice barely a whisper.

You nodded, barely trusting yourself to speak. 

His face was so close, his eyes searching yours as if he were seeing you for the first time. And in that moment, something shifted — a spark, a connection you’d spent years ignoring.

But before you could make sense of it, he pulled back, clearing his throat as he helped you to your feet. “Guess I saved your life, huh?”

You scoffed, brushing snow off your coat. “Oh, please. Don’t flatter yourself.”

But as you walked back up the hill, your heart was still pounding, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that, for the first time in years, things between you and Dominic were starting to change.

—

That night, back at the cabin, the tension between you and Dominic was impossible to ignore. You could feel his gaze on you as you sat by the fire, laughing with your friends, but every time you looked his way, he seemed to look away.

Eventually, as the night wore on, you found yourself alone with him again, this time on the back deck, watching the snow fall in silence.

“Do you actually hate me that much?” he asked, his voice low, almost challenging.

You blinked, taken off guard. “Why does it matter, Dom? Didn’t we already talk about this?”

He shrugged, looking away. “Maybe I’m curious. Maybe I just can’t figure out why you’re the only one who doesn’t seem to think I’m worth the time.”

“That’s on you, Dom,” you replied, your voice sharper than you’d intended. “You’re the one who changed.”

“And you’re the one who never gave me a chance to explain,” he shot back, stepping closer.

You crossed your arms, feeling a strange ache at his words. “Explain what? That you pushed me away on purpose? Do you even know how selfish that is?”

He paused, a flicker of something vulnerable crossing his face. “You never gave me a chance to explain why I pushed you away. Why I… why things are like this between us.”

You stayed silent, heart pounding, daring him to go on. The unspoken tension, years of bitterness and misunderstandings, hung thick between you.

“Look,” he finally said, his voice softening. “I didn’t know how to handle it, alright? I didn’t know how to… deal with you, with us. I thought if I pushed you away, maybe it’d be easier. But it wasn’t.”

“What does that even mean? Deal with what?” The words escaped before you could stop them, heavy with every feeling you’d tried so hard to bury.

He took a shaky breath, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that left you breathless. “Deal with the fact… that I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen.”

The confession hit you like a punch to the gut, leaving you stunned, the silence between you loud and unbearable.

“Are you kidding me?” you whispered, fighting the sudden wave of anger and something else, something that felt too much like hope.

“No,” he replied, his voice steady, eyes never leaving yours. “I’m not kidding. And I’ve been an idiot about it. I thought… I thought if I kept my distance, I’d get over it. But it just made everything worse.”

You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t think. The boy who’d tormented you, infuriated you, had somehow harbored feelings you’d never known.

His gaze flickered down, his jaw tense as he struggled to find the words. “I thought it would be easier to let you go,” he admitted, his voice low. “Back then, everything was changing, and I was… scared. I was getting all this attention from my music, people wanting things from me, expecting me to be someone I didn’t even understand. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn’t want you to get dragged into that.”

You stared at him, disbelieving. “So instead of letting me be there for you, you pushed me away?”

He nodded, looking away as if the sight of your hurt expression was too much to bear. “I thought I could handle it on my own. But all it did was make me miss you… more than I ever thought I would.”

A silence stretched between you, raw and heavy. 

He looked at you with a vulnerability you hadn’t seen in years, and for the first time, you saw the Dominic you used to know, the one you’d once cared about so deeply it hurt.

“Do you have any idea what that was like for me?” Your voice was barely a whisper. “One day, you’re there, the next, you’re gone. You were my best friend, Dom. My rock, my person,” You say, feeling yourself on the verge of tears, “You didn’t even give me a chance to understand that you weren’t there anymore. And now… you just expect me to forget that?”

His hand reached out, almost reflexively, to touch yours, and though you wanted to pull away, you couldn’t. 

“I don’t expect you to forget, Y/N. What I did, I can’t even forgive myself for it. I just… I want to try and make things right. I’m tired of pretending like I hate you.”

You looked down at his hand, fingers brushing against yours, and felt the anger slipping, replaced by something else. “But, you hurt me, Dom,” you admitted, voice barely holding steady. “You hurt me in a way I didn’t think you could.”

The air between you grew thick, heavy with words unsaid and emotions neither of you knew how to voice. 

He looked at you with an intensity that made your heart pound, and without thinking, you leaned into him, letting his warmth chase away the bitter chill of the night.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his voice hoarse. “I know that will never be enough, but I am. I never meant to hurt you. I just… didn’t know how to deal with it — with you.”

“Deal with what, Dom? You keep saying that,” you repeated again, your voice softer now, searching his eyes. “What was it about me that you had to ‘deal with,’ Dominic? That you liked me? I’m just… I’m so confused, right now.”

He hesitated, his hand squeezing yours as he took a shaky breath. “That I wanted you, so badly,” he said finally, voice raw.

“More than just a friend, more than anything I’d ever let myself admit. I was terrified of what it’d mean if I let you get too close, because I am not a good person, Y/N. I’m fucked up, rude, and selfish, and I feel like… I’ve always been that way. I’ve always been the person you think I am today. And you didn’t deserve someone like that, not even as a friend.”

“Dominic…” You said softly, “I never thought you were a bad person…”

“But, I was, Y/N! I still am,” He pleads, “Look at what I did to us. Look at how badly I fucked things up between us. This is the first time in years we’ve had an actual conversation…”

He sighed, his expression open and raw. "I’m not kidding. I’ve tried to push it down, ignore it, even tell myself that maybe it wasn’t real. But every time I look at you—every time I see you laugh, every time you look at me with that fire in your eyes, I know it’s still there."

You could hardly believe what you were hearing. 

The Dominic you’d come to know, with his arrogance, his endless teasing, the constant back-and-forth—it had all masked something so vulnerable, something so sincere, that it was hard to process.

"Why now, Dominic?" you managed to ask, your voice trembling despite yourself. "After all these years, all the arguments, all the things you’ve said, the way you’ve acted—why are you telling me this now?"

He looked away, his jaw tightening. "Because I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep pretending like I hate you, like I don’t feel anything when we argue, like I don’t care. And now, I just—" He paused, his gaze meeting yours. "I want you to know the truth, even if you hate me for it."

You stared at him, the weight of his words sinking in, all the bitterness and hurt somehow transformed into something else. 

Something softer, something you’d long denied. 

You didn’t know how long you both stood there, the air charged with the unspoken things between you.

"Dominic," you said quietly, fighting to keep your voice steady. "Maybe… maybe we both need to let go of what’s in the past. Because honestly, I’m exhausted too."

He watched you, a hint of hope in his eyes. "Does that mean—are you saying you might actually forgive me?"

You took a deep breath, the warmth of the cabin lights casting a glow over the snow-covered ground. "I’m saying maybe it’s time we stop running in circles. I’m saying maybe… I don’t hate you as much as I let on."

For the first time in years, Dominic’s smile wasn’t a smirk or a tease. It was soft, genuine, and it made your heart race. 

He stepped closer, his voice barely above a whisper. "Then let’s see where this goes, without the walls, without the defenses. Just us. A fresh start.”

You looked up at him, something in you finally letting go. 

And as his hand brushed yours, it was like the years of tension, rivalry, and unspoken feelings melted away, leaving only the beginning of something real.

“Please,” he murmured, his voice breaking slightly. “I’m asking you to give me a chance. To let me show you that I can be better. That I can be the person you deserve.”

You wanted to stay angry, to hold onto the bitterness, but his words cracked something inside you. 

He looked at you like you were the only person in the world, and he always had. Even when you guys would argue, bicker, his eyes never showed anger. His eyes never lefts yours. 

And in that moment, you realized that despite everything, you still cared. 

You still wanted him, still wanted to believe that there was a part of him that hadn’t changed.

His confession hung in the air, and your heart skipped a beat, pounding with emotions you weren’t sure how to process. 

You could feel the weight of every missed opportunity, every moment you’d spent pushing each other away.

Before you could stop yourself, you closed the gap between you, pressing your lips to his in a kiss that held years of pent-up frustration, hurt, and longing. 

He responded instantly, his hands finding your waist as he pulled you close, deepening the kiss with an urgency that took your breath away.

For a moment, the world fell away, and all that mattered was the feel of him against you, the way his fingers tangled in your hair, the warmth of his mouth as it moved against yours, desperate and tender all at once. 

It was as if every argument, every insult, had been leading up to this, the intensity of it all crashing over you like a wave.

When you finally pulled away, breathless and dazed, his eyes were on you, filled with a vulnerability that made your heart ache. 

“I just… I didn’t realize how much I needed you,” he whispered, his forehead pressed against yours. “Until it was too late.”

You took a deep, steadying breath, feeling the weight of his words, the truth they carried. “Then maybe it doesn’t have to be too late,” you whispered back, fingers brushing against his cheek.

He looked at you, a small, tentative smile tugging at his lips. Without a word, he led you back inside, your fingers laced together as if he were afraid to let you go.

—

Back in the quiet of your shared room, he hesitated for a moment, as if unsure if you’d let him stay this close. But you tugged him closer, pulling him onto the bed beside you, feeling his warmth seep into you as you settled beside him.

Neither of you said anything, the silence filled with an unspoken understanding, a sense of peace you hadn’t felt in years. You rested your head against his shoulder.

“You still think the clichè only happens in books and movies?” Dominic asks, as you feel his hand slide around your waist, pulling you close.

You smile softly, “Shut up, idiot.”

“Mhm, you know that’s not true…” 

Without thinking, you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his in a kiss that was slow, hesitant, filled with years of unsaid words and buried feelings. His hand came up to cradle your face, his touch gentle.

It just felt so right.

When you pulled away, his eyes were soft, filled with a tenderness that made your heart ache. He pressed his forehead to yours, his thumb tracing slow circles along your jaw.

You lay back down beside him, your head resting on his shoulder, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your cheek. 

“Again, I’m not asking you to forgive me right now, or forget what happened,” he whispered. “But I’m asking you to give me a try.”

You nodded, a silent promise that you’d give him — give both of you — a chance to heal, to find your way back to each other. 

For now, that was enough.

[formula1fanfiction]

Max Verstappen / Esteban ocon

Title: Something deep inside

Pairing: Max Verstappen / Esteban ocon

Characters: Max Verstappen, Esteban ocon, Charles Leclerc, George Russell

Prompt: could i ask for max/esteban enemies to lovers with bottom esteban?

A/N: I might make this into a bit of a series with the rest of the grid and see how weird the pairings can be. ;)

Bonding, that's what the fucking FIA had called it. Apparently there is too much animosity between the drivers, too much conflict which is causing problems on the track. They had come up with his brilliant scheme to make two drivers share a room for the night.

Max is a pretty chill guy, he gets along with most of the grid, of course he has had his spats with the others Lewis at Silverstone, George in baku but he wouldn't say he hated them, who he does hate is Esteban Ocon.

So when Max opened up that email and saw he had been assigned none of than Esteban Ocon, he had considered putting his red bull into the wall a high speed, but that really wouldn't be fair on his family.   

"Don't even look at me, let alone speak to me."Max rolls his suitcase into the hotel room, Esteban is laid out on the double bed, his hands behind his head with a scowl on his face. The horrible realisation hits him like a ton of bricks, there is only bed.

"I don't like you, either." Esteban stairs at him like he's just an annoying insect. "The only person worse than you is Pierre." Pierre is a good tactic, he can use him to piss Esteban off. "At least Pierre is a good driver of course, unlike you. I hope the floor is comfortable."

"The floor, what are you talking about?" What an idiot, he's obviously too stupid realise there is only one bed in the room. "The floor, what are you talking about and don't bring Pierre into this." The pure anger is radiating off Esteban. "I got here first, you can take the floor, Max."

"Absolutely not, I have a championship to win, you are a rubbish driver in a rubbish wheel barrow no one will even notice if you're shit." Max unpacks his suitcase, pushes all Esteban's clothes into a crumpled heap just to be petty.

They can't come to compromise regarding the bed. The hotel is offering drinks for the drivers downstairs, so he has two options get blind drunk so he won't care, or get Esteban so drunk he sleeps on the floor, hopefully option two. "Lets go down for drinks, Charles is waiting for me and i'm sure whatever loser tolerates you." Max chuckles, pulling on his jacket and leaving the room without waiting for a response.

He finds Charles with a equally solemn look on his face. "Who did you get, Charles?" Charles is staring at a blonde head, Max follows his gaze until it reaches Kevin, Max chuckles. "At least you didn't get your enemy." Charles can't help but laugh. "Hey, George got Lance and he's pissed off, see if you can switch." Max's very drunk brain thinks this is a good idea, George is weird but anything is better than Esteban.

"Hey, Russell." George jumps and whatever fruity concoction he's drinking spills down his crisp white shirt. "Fuck sake, Max." That really isn't going to help his case. "I heard you got Lance, I know the two of you don't really like each other, we could switch?" Max offers him a very charming smile, but George taking a step back like he's dealing with a rabid dog. "Rules are rules Max, as much as we might not like that." Max resists the urge to call him boring and runs off, drinking an extra five shorts to try and get him through the night.

The shots send him a little whoozy, he finds Esteban at the back of the club ad sits down next to him. "I hate Lance, he wouldn't switch rooms." Esteban informs him, he's also drunk his lips are glistening and look really inviting, what the fuck is happening. "I hate George, boring bastard, he would suck off the rules if they let him." Esteban chuckles, before he even knows what's happening their lips meet, everything is too much of a blur, in their alcohol clogged mind. "I'm taking you back to bed." Max can feel the tightness in his pants, and going back to bed with Esteban seems like a very good idea all of sudden, he allows Esteban to take him by the hand, sparks fly and send tingles up his arms.

He's all over Esteban, he doesn't waste a single second, as soon as Esteban slides down the key card, he pushes the Frenchman back into the room and presses their lips together, it's rough, it's passionate, it's everything. Their lips only break apart to tear away each other's clothing, until they are both naked and needy.

"Let me fuck you, please." Max pants into Esteban's mouth, they are still kissing as they make their way over to the bed. Esteban lets out a small needy moan, as his naked body falls back onto the bed. "Please. It's been so long since i've fucked anyone." Esteban's eyes go wide at this, yes Charles is a top, so what?"

"Please fuck me." Esteban presses a packet of lube, from who knows where into his hand. He doesn't waste any more time and pours the lube onto his fingers, Esteban has already positioned himself on the bed, his legs spread wide, just waiting for Max to touch him.

Max pecks Esteban on the lips, and guides his finger tips to the waiting entrance. Max swallows every whine, and moan from Esteban's mouth, and pushes two fingers inside. Esteban accepts his fingers much easier than Max expected, and prepping the Frenchman doesn't take long. Max rewards Esteban with a few strokes over his sweet spot, and only then does he let his finger tips slip out of Esteban's glistening entrance, he can't wait to be inside of it.

Max's own cock is throbbing and begging for attention. "Are you ready?" Esteban nods and wraps his long legs around Max's waist. "Fuck me, Max." That's all the invitation he needs, he presses the head of his cock against Esteban's lube slick entrance and slowly slides inside, both of them cry out as Max slides through the lube and thrusts himself to the hilt.

Max stalls for a few moments, he knows that he likes a moment to adjust. He waits until Esteban stops clenching down around him, which takes his all his efforts he just wants to fuck into the warm heat. He feels so perfect wrapped around Max, like he was made to be here. "Max please, come on." Max digs his fingers into Esteban's hips and starts to move.

Esteban takes his cock into his hands and strokes himself to the same pace, starting off slow and shallow but becoming harder and deeper with every thrust, all that pent up hate and anger builds up into a rough pace, with Max slamming into Esteban's prostate over and over again.

"It's you, it's always been you." Esteban tells him, Max's fucked out brain can't really comprehend that sentence because at that moment, Esteban loses it, his hips arching up off the bed as he comes hard, making a mess of his own stomach and abs. Esteban tightens ever so beautifully around him, pushing Max into his own orgasm, he cries out as he spills inside of Esteban. He blacks out with the force of it and falls asleep wrapped up in Esteban's arms.

When Max opens his eyes, he realises his cock is still buried inside of someone, and that someone is Esteban. He really enjoyed last night, but it shouldn't have happened and he doesn't know how Esteban feels about it, so he goes with a defensive mechanism instead. "Fuck you Esteban, how dare you take advantage of me because I was drunk." He can hear the pounding of his own heart beat from the guilt.

A look of pure heart break etches on to Esteban's features but quickly disappears. "I was drunk too, you utter arsehole." There are tears in Esteban's eyes, So Esteban must at least like him a little bit.

"Estie..." Max sits down beside him, and runs his hand down Esteban's bareback, he doesn't pull away, so Max continues. "I'm sorry acted this way, I felt something last night and I didn't know if you felt the same way and I panicked." Esteban smiles, it looks genuine.  

"Did you realise you didn't hate me as much as you thought, because that's how I felt." Max chuckles, because yes exactly that. "Yes, I think all this hatred built up into some kind of sexual tension, because I really like you." Max's cock twitches just remembering last night, he really would like to do that again. "So you don't hate me anymore?" Esteban asks with a shy smile and how can Max hate that face. "No, but.."

"Don't think I have forgiven you for crashing into me in Brazil and taking my win away from me." But he says it with a laugh as he dives forward and presses his lips again Esteban's in a soft passionate kiss.

[nico-is-a-corn-plant]

Assigning the foxes fear entities cause I have brain worms.

Neil Josten - The Hunt

Went a bit back and forth because hunt avatars are usually the hunter not the huntee but then I remembered that ep in season five about the hunt and paranoia. A slightly untraditional hunt avatar for sure but what is more hunt than not knowing what you are outside of it?

Could also see the eye but he's not obsessed enough about Knowing

Andrew Minyard - The Web

Being controlled? Lack of free will? Plus the addiction angel? Like Come on. As an extra bonus the addiction was forced upon him which just makes it even more web coded. Those with the most need for control are usually the ones that have had it stripped away.

I also played around with the spiral for a hot sec.

Kevin Day - The Buried

TSomething about being trapped your whole life only to get out and then having to fight the instinct to crawl back to the comfort of the known. The nest was underground with no natural sunlight, gotta make dude a bit claustrophobic. But also the fear of no longer being trapped, Kevin Day what you do to my brain.

Aaron Minyard - The Desolation

They say Andrew is the one with the anger issues but we all know it's actually Aaron. Aaron just perfectly embody being afraid of loss and chaneling that through anger and destruction. Also remember that self destruction is also destruction.

Nicky Hemmick - The Spiral

Conversion therapy, need I say more? Growing up with parents that think he's deranged and a sinner? That he's sick? Plus the whole throat of delusion incarnate thing. His lying may not be as obvious as Neil's but that boy is hiding his pain behind jokes and we all know it.

Renée Walker - The Slaughter

Renée both fears and takes comfort in the fact that she is capable of great violence. She is dangerous, she knows this, she knows this but she hates it. She comes from a place of unpredictable and senseless violence. What really sells this one for me is the musical motifs this seemingly beautiful and gentle thing that hides slaughter.

Allison Reynolds - The Corruption

Her relationship with Seth for one, her lack of relationships with her parents for two. Wanting to be loved, wanting to be wanted. The persona she wears free of imperfections, free of rot. The classic mean girl toxicity. The bulimia, making yourself sick to escape a perceived sickness.

Matt Boyd - The Lonely

My man is a child of divorce. All the love to randy but she has an irregular work schedule which left him with his dad who is......not great. Matt is generally presented as a friendly and outgoing guy but then again so was Martin.

Dan Wilds - The Slaughter

I would love to have everyone have their own entity but Dan fucked it up. She gives me Melanie vibes. Having to fight tooth and nail to be respected. The feminine rage of it all. The righteous anger. Finally being in power.

As you can see the longer down you go the more iffy my justification gets but oh well. Do you agree? Disagree? Is this to niche of a crossover?

[cultpastorkevin]

Dependent Personality Disorder, Kevin Day, & the Edgar Allan Ravens

brought to you by an ex cult pastor w/ crippling mental issues

well let’s just jump right into it ngl (also if I miss anything or forget something give me a pass I have amnesia and a one track mind so I definitely missed stuff)

Okay so the whole Ravens always have a partner, never go anywhere alone, if one fails you both pay, etc. I’ve been thinking about this for weeks and I don’t see it broken down and discussed at length enough, so imma try to do that from a mixed personal experience & psychology perspective

The fact Jean, Neil and Kevin have all stated in books and in the extra content that not having that presence next to them was devastating (much less so for Neil okay he didn’t spend fucking years there); Nora has also talked about how Ravens are basically unable to function if left alone; you can’t send them to the store alone or leave them places or expect them to be capable of completing tasks without their other half; TSC reeks of Jean having to learn how to function without a double and it’s gonna be a trainwreck for Jeremy bc how the fuck can Jean be this old and not feel able to have a room on his own anyways—

What is Dependent Personality Disorder?

The DSM-5 refers to DPD as a pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of, which leads to submissive and clinging behavior and fears of separation. It is characterized by excessive fear and anxiety. DPD begins by early adulthood, is present in a variety of contexts, and is associated with inadequate functioning. Symptoms can include anything from extreme passivity, devastation, or helplessness when relationships end; avoidance of responsibilities; and severe submission.

According to the DSM-5, the disorder is indicated by at least five of the following factors:

has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others.

needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of their life.

has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval.

has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on their own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy).

goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant.

feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for themselves.

urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends.

is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of themselves.

Since I only need 5, and I don’t want to bore everyone to death, I’ll just do 5.

needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of their life

Kevin spent well, basically his entire life having everything picked out for him by others. Exy was chosen for him. Where he lived, when he slept, what he ate and when was chosen. Riko and Tetsuji dictated his every fucking step up until he left. Kevin didn’t learn anything he wasn’t supposed to learn and therefore automatically expected others to do it for him because that’s what he was taught to do. Kevin’s only skill in life is Exy, which means he doesn’t have any other skills (well he does, he just doesn’t think they’re useful or important). Ravens are taught to be dependent on each other because without each other, they’re not whole or a person; they’re dehumanized until they begin to assign responsibility to someone they think is more equipped for it, is better for it, which is usually an authority figure (in this case, those figures are Riko and Tetsuji). Tetsuji knew exactly what he was doing by creating the psychological mindfuck of an inter-dependent group that is the Ravens. He took a bunch of young adults, gave them a god, and then helped that god beat them into numb dissociation until they couldn’t think for themselves and were even afraid to.

has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval

Reminder that DPD is prevalent in people who have been excessively abused and it’s also characterized by extreme anxiety. For people like Kevin and the Ravens, expressing anything other than what Riko and Tetsuji wanted could get them killed; it wasn’t just about being terrified of disapproval or protection, it was because losing anything from the group meant you were gonna get hurt (usually badly). Jean was literally waterboarded for shits and giggles, you think Riko is gonna take someone saying no very well (Neil Josten drove him insane I can tell u that much)? Ravens have a hive mind mentality because a hive mind keeps them alive and safe. Kevin had a hive mind when he was with Riko, and I’d argue he still had the remnants of one when he was with the Foxes. Riko breaking his hand was the only thing that broke him out of it, and even then, it barely did. Kevin only started mouthing off to Riko when Neil (bless his scrungly ass) started shaking Riko’s brain like a maraca. He had someone he could depend on in those situations because, again, Ravens always do things together. Kevin wouldn’t fucking dream of shitting on Riko at Kathy’s show by himself. Kevin spent 10+ years at Evermore with his sanity hanging on the hook of a batshit adoptive brother whose approval or disapproval would dictate if he was allowed to sleep. So yeah, I’d say Kevin had a violent need to always express agreement and do everything Riko wanted whether he liked it or not because the anxiety and terror of not doing so outweighed any sense of self preservation he could have. That ties in w the next one.

goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant

Riko utilized abuse in a lot of ways; Nora put in her extra content that he had other Ravens rape Jean; imo, those Ravens most likely didn’t fucking want to, but going to excessive lengths to stay within his approval and be safe? Yeah, they were gonna do it. Tetsuji and Riko also make the Ravens never miss practice or any other shit they want them to do, regardless of the state they’re in. Which means you’re going to practice when you’ve been raped the night before; it means you’re going to practice after getting butchered all night by your other half, etc. Anyways; when Kevin works with the Foxes, he repeatedly does the opposite and basically throws a fit if someone steps on court that isn’t in shape to. This begs the eye raiser that he didn’t want those things happening at Evermore, but he did them anyways because his need for approval and the anxiety of not doing so, outweighed the fact he hated doing it. He was so dependent on Riko and staying close that he was pretty willing to toss anyone and everyone under the bus to meet expectations even if they left a nauseating pit in his stomach. Doing unpleasant things for the person you’re attached to is hard, but their praise and approval after the actions erase all previous anxieties, which then fuels a broken cycle of seeking out that approval and continuing to engage in unpleasant actions out of fear of not recieving that pending approval afterwards. It’s hard to explain succinctly the mindfuck DPD causes your thoughts to be like when you have it.

urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends

Kevin lost Riko. You know what he gets next? Fucking Andrew. I don’t even know if I need to explain this one because Kevin’s dependency on Andrew is so prevalent and excruciatingly obvious throughout the whole series lmao. Kevin ain’t gonna admit it but he relies on Andrew like a starving man relies on garbage (no offense Andrew). Kevin’s duo dependency with Riko was shattered to its core and guess what idiot he latches onto to fill the void? Andrew ofc. I think out of everyone, Andrew is probably the healthiest until Neil comes along (still think it should’ve been a polycule but I digress).

Riko’s obsessiveness and possessiveness with Kevin was crippling to Kevin and left him without the ability to exist without a buffer. Andrew’s apathetic ass and explicit understanding of consent is needed to balance out Riko’s emotional instability and disregard for Kevin’s autonomy. I would go so far as to say it was dependency that forced Kevin to become more independent because Andrew wasn’t going to sit on his ass and wait for Kevin to figure it out or heal. Kevin only struggled into some form of functionality out of what I personally see as a crippling people pleasing need to be useful and that came from being dependent on those around him. He became semi functional (I use this so vaguely bc that man would not be functional in the real world) out of necessity and obligation to those around him, not because he actually healed or processed his shit.

Ignoring your own issues to meet expectations of the one(s) you’re dependent on is stereotypical avoidance and signs of people pleasing and also it’s a trauma response. Kevin quite literally just went “yeah well I have some problems but I’m going to push those aside bc nothing else matters besides Exy” and then proceeded for the entire series to use Exy, Neil, and Andrew as ways to try to avoid his trauma history. He’s kinda insane for that but also I get it, because placing your trauma lower than something else and then in turn obsessing over something or someone helps you compartmentalize and pseudo-function until you eventually snap and have a massive meltdown. Another thing is that when you’re living in an abusive environment you can’t afford those meltdowns. I like think that after all the shit happened in AFTG, Kevin just lost his shit for a period of time because it’s a very reasonable trauma response in victims for once you’re finally safe, you just shatter from all the pressure you’ve been avoiding in yourself. It’s only after you shatter that you can heal, and you can’t do that unless you’re in a space that you’re allowed to. And Tetsuji kept his Ravens in a headspace where they couldn’t.

feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for themselves

Ngl I’ve kinda already covered aspects of this but I just wanna reiterate what Nora said abt this specifically in her extra content that “Kevin is the one who warns Jeremy he (Jean) cannot go anywhere alone, “we Ravens don’t know how” and “Being able to go to class or the grocery store or the gym without any of his teammates in attendance is just—unfathomable” in regards to Jean Moreau’s transition into the Trojans. This is just kinda, explanatory. We’re talking about college age athletes who have been hazed and abused so much that the idea of going to a class alone isn’t even a concept to them; Kevin explicitly tells Jeremy that Ravens don’t know how to do things. They’re dependent on each other. Kevin is not only speaking to help Jean, but when he says “us Ravens” he’s including himself in that statement because he can’t either and he knows how hard it is to try to acclimate to suddenly being thrust into individuality when you haven’t had it in years. Unlike most of the Ravens, Kevin and Riko (and eventually Jean as well) grew up having that inter dependency made into a core personality trait. They hate each other and they love each other, their failures and wins depend on each other, one can’t breathe without the other suffering for it. At what point does trained and conditioned, and ultimately encouraged, dependent behavior turn into brainwashing and dehumanization until there’s nothing left of you but the one you’re dependent on?

Finally

I’m not saying Kevin Day or all of the Ravens have DPD; but what I am saying is that they have extreme traits at the least of it and it is entirely fucking reasonable to me that at least a few of them ended up with DPD or similar disorders because of the shit that happened to them in the Nest. People forget that trauma and adverse circumstances (especially from young ages like Kevin and Riko and Jean) can cause you to develop disorders or even mimic symptoms of disorders because those traumatic events caused reactions that are disordered behaviors. I feel if anything is to be nitpicked, it’s Kevin’s absolute bitchiness, because god he can be an asshole, and someone somewhere could argue because he has that antagonistic streak, DPD is entirely out of the question.

Unfortunately, the dichotomy exists of knowing when you can be bitchy and maintain submissiveness. Kevin probably learned where and when and to what extent he could tow that line when he lived in the Nest, whether it was taking out his anger and his anguish on other Ravens, on the court, or on the Foxes when he moved over. In my experience, my own explosive anger issues had to be portioned out, I had to know who I could do that to, be like that with. When and where was the correct time to lash out and when I was gonna get hit for it. Kevin isn’t stupid, he knew what Riko and Tetsuji were like. He also knew he had the upper hand in the power dynamic over the Raven’s on court. If he went for blood out of anger during practice, triggered by if Riko hurt him too much or took too much from him, other Ravens just had to take it, or worse, probably were encouraged to encourage the brutality.

All in all, I think Tetsuji created an absolute fucking labyrinth of a psychological warzone that both forced submission and rewarded dominance; it left lasting behavioral traits and triggered disorders that crippled Ravens, some for their entire lives. I wanna bet probably no former Raven went to therapy; the ones that got divvied up after the Nest closed probably were required to by their new teams, and they probably are the only generation that maybe were able to heal from it. In the extra content, Thea decided because Kevin could play again, “no harm no foul” on Riko’s end. If that’s not hivemind, culty, worshipper behavior, idk what is. That’s not a normal reaction, but it is a conditioned one.

[syscultureis]

sys culture is not being out to ppl and somebody in your brain writing fuck on an assignment and now YOU have to deal with the repurcussions and what are you supposed to do, lie?? how else do you explain it "oh ik you saw me write it and it was on my paper in 'my' handwriting but it actually wasn't me"???

what am i supposed to SAY what if i accidentally out us to The Therapist!! she doesn't cover systems so we'd have to get a new therapist if she knew and what if our parents think we're faking??? our dad is conservative as hell he would NOT accept us!! thank you so much for getting us into this mess KEVIN (not their name idk what it is)

.