#and they also share the argument that not everything is black and white

[starkholme]

Oh but the amazing multi-talented tall blonde with a dead brother also has my heart

[transmutationisms]

I love your takes, but I feel super, super lost with what you were trying to say about the natalism one. I feel like you're saying that there is no contradiction on wanting more babies, a higher population number and punishing mothers, but can you elaborate on that a bit more, because it does seems contradictory. I'm not disagreeing with you, I just want to understand it better.

alright there's a perennial debate (on here but also in a wider cultural sense) that goes on where people start noticing that some of the ways in which we socially and economically de/value children, parenthood, and specifically motherhood are internally contradictory. how can it be that there is immense social and economic pressure to heterosexually partner and reproduce, and yet most public and social infrastructure is also profoundly hostile to children and their guardians? why is it that this person couldn't find a doctor to perform a voluntary hysterectomy because their bodily preferences were subordinated to the medical valorisation of their fertility, and yet this other person was forcibly sterilised or coerced into using contraception because the prospect of them reproducing is framed as socially destabilising and degenerative? how are 'family values' touted by politicians who openly and explicitly also hate real existing families? do they want people to have more children or fewer? is it more counterculture and rebellious to have children or to not have children? to have sex or to not have sex? to partner off? to be polyam or monogamous?

the answer broadly speaking is that the oppositions people see here are only surface-level. the bourgeois state's interest is in biopower, and this produces competing demands: for some people to partner off and reproduce, and for others to be exterminated. the valorisation of the white middle-class nuclear family is the same as the devalorisation of its negations: racialised people, disabled people, family arrangements other than nuclear and heterosexual, etc. you can't understand the demand that people reproduce if you don't understand it is necessarily also accompanied by the demand that other people don't. these aren't actually contradictory once you understand that what the bourgeois state wants has nothing to do with your individual behaviours and everything to do with how many 'desirable' bodies it has at its disposal. that economic consideration is what creates both the natalist policy meant to encourage [some people's] reproduction, and the exterminatory policy meant to suppress and eradicate [other people's] reproduction.

usually this kind of conversation very quickly devolves into a privilege framework argument, where people are trying to find some kind of social hierarchy that is hegemonically applied top-down and that rewards, universally, certain behaviour choices over others. again, the "people who marry and reproduce are privileged and socially rewarded over me #childfree" versus "actually some people still have to fight tooth and nail to even get medical support / approval to have children, let alone actually get access to the kind of economic and social support necessary to raise them" debate. it's smoke and mirrors because there is no universal privileging of the choice to have children or not have children. what there is, is a privileging of certain people on the basis of the economic assessment of them as biological assets, and the inverse (and mutually constitutive) devaluations of everyone else. really over-discussed examples here but to give them anyway: this is why, for example, french natalist policy and the USA's constant efforts to strip back welfare-net policies in order to harm (primarily) black families are both arising from the same basic impulses of two imperialist nation-states. obviously there are different histories and contextual factors that have resulted in france and the US trying to skin the same cat in different ways. but what they share is an underlying interest in trying to shore up their population in both size and 'fitness', understood here in its full racialised and eugenic meaning.

[anthroposeen]

i feel like so many people are kinda missing out on one of the takeaways from MAG200 (spoilers!!) because people tend to water martin's character down. he and jon both believe that the ends can justify the means, and thats one of their central arguments in 199, because fundamentally they have the same values. and up until then, they're main conflicts with each other was over which actions to take, though they both agreed action was in order. jon believes that the 'end', a universe where the fears have died, is justified by the 'means', killing everyone on earth and forcing everyone to remain in fear domains. martin was on board with their freedom fight at first, having reservations that jon shared, but still choosing to spare people or command jon to kill them whenever he saw fit. as much as he sheugged off making his own decisions, he still chose to combat avatars and even ally with annabelle. throughout s5, we see him prove again and again that the end, presumably killing elias and ending the apocalypse, will be worth allowing people to suffer in the meantime. but when jon is included in the suffering people category, martin cant include that in his world view.

that is the major distinction in their philosophies- the value they place on jon's life and the amount they each blame him. jon blames himself for everything, and from the beginning he has allowed himself to be put in danger and risk his life. initially, he doesnt want to die, but as s4 progresses, we see him grapple with valuing his life as he recognizes hes becoming less "human"- in the coffin, he even makes the gamble that he'll did there. martin also has very low self worth, but holds jon on a pedestal (he always did), and once the ends can only be achieved through the means of killing jon or watching him suffer, martin struggles to fit that into his black and white philosophy.

it isnt that martin or jon are "weak" or have deeply contrasting world views, but they are unable to agree which exact actions are inexcusable, as murder never seemed to be an issue until it was martin holding the knife.

[saintsenara]

Perhaps not the point of your ongoing Snoldemort (Vape?) masterpiece, but I really like how you write Lily. She’s adventurous and determined and charismatic, but also utterly careless about Severus’ emotions and especially his poverty in a way that’s - for those of us who’ve been in the same boat - utterly demeaning. And I think that’s all clearly there in canon too! I know she’s rather underwritten due to her mystery being kept under wraps for 6.95 out of 7 books, but I don’t think she’s *quite* as underwritten as many people think considering she’s only got about 10 lines. So I really love it on the exceedingly rare occasions when she flashes up in fics to be less saintly and more…correct in most respects, but also such a dick about it.

i can't believe i've been foolishly persisting with "snapemort" as the ship name when "vape" was in front of me the whole time.

[a shot of lord voldemort listening to the radio broadcasts of the wizengamot...]

thank you very much for this lovely message about scylla and charybdis, anon! i'm delighted you're enjoying it.

the starting point for her characterisation in the fic was - basically - god forbid a teenage girl not be the most selfless person in history.

i'm always really struck [and completely unsurprised...] that both sides of the fandom debate about snape seem to focus a lot on lily's supposed saintliness. since i'm a snape fan, i end up seeing the anti-lily side of this fairly often - endless rounds of "well if she's so great why didn't she do exactly what snape wanted all the time? why did she simply not accommodate everything he thought? checkmate, snaters" nonsense, which then quickly devolves into "every even mildly negative thought she had about snape was driven by her pure evil"...

but the thing is... even without any of the rest of it - the fact that she's a member of the wizarding world's persecuted underclass and there's a war on, for example - she's allowed to not be constantly thinking about other people's problems. and she's allowed to be annoyed and selfish and uncharitable and rude. and she's allowed to not be constantly filtering her words and actions through every single possible societal nuance in order to make sure she only responds in the most perfect way ever... not least because that's fundamentally impossible.

i like the fact that she never quite gets how snape's poverty changes his engagement with the world - especially in the most recent chapter, when she's thirteen and she thinks she's having a nice time hanging out with her pal and she thinks he's saying what he means when he says he doesn't want anything from the ice cream man, rather than pretending that he doesn't because he hasn't got any money and he finds the idea of admitting that to her to be too humiliating to bear - because it's a situation where neither of them are in the wrong, which i just find much more interesting than the fandom's determination to divide characters who are in conflict into the winner and the loser, or the good person and the bad one, or the person who's right and the person who's wrong.

snape's feelings about his poverty are entirely understandable, and lily clearly hasn't thought as much about it as might be admirable... but it's also his own fault that he doesn't share these feelings with lily, and just expects her to read his mind and modify her behaviour without him offering her any explanation as to why he wants her to do this or offering her any chance to refuse or to ask him to compromise on these desires.

and this lack of honest communication leads to their bigger, much more clear-cut resentments - over james, over mulciber and avery, over dark magic, and - of course - over voldemort. lily's obviously completely correct to say that voldemort is a terrorist and she won't respect anyone who's obsessed with him... the moral argument is black-and-white, lily's the only person who's right.

but the issue is that snape isn't actually arguing from an opposing position. he's not arguing that voldemort isn't a terrorist - he's arguing that voldemort is a terrorist who's also the only person he's ever met who's offering a tangible way for him to get out of poverty. and this is true - both in the fic and, in my view, in the canon text. the material argument is much, much more complicated than the moral one.

lily can't solve these problems - she's just one person, and she doesn't have to risk her own safety to try and deradicalise someone seeking to join an organisation which hates muggleborns - and i don't expect her to have ever been able to do so.

but i also like the fact that - just as snape's major failing in canon is indifference [he can tolerate what voldemort does until it affects him] - the good guys' major failing is indifference too.

the ministry and the order are principled people taking a righteous moral stand against terror... and they also have no idea how the system they're fighting for oppresses all but the elite of wizarding society... whereas voldemort understands this intimately, and he uses it to swell his ranks with disaffected recruits who are looking for someone to blame for their conditions...

[hence why he's the person - even as the text tries to present him as someone whose aims are pureblood oligarchy - who canonically commands the support (or, at the very least, the toleration) of the working classes and the non-human peoples oppressed by the wizarding state...]

but these recruits are nonetheless entirely aware what they're signing up for... they're not joining a legitimate political party, or a union, or an activist group seeking to bring about change through non-violent means... they're joining a terrorist organisation...

but their experience at the hands of the state makes them easy to convince that they've got no other choice...

i like this sort of vicious cycle approach to both the first and the second war because it's so much more interesting than canon's "this is a straightforward battle between good and evil" vibe.

[padfootagain]

Love in Verses (IX)

Chapter 9 : 'I think I will always be lonely in this world, where the cattle graze like a black and white river- where the vanishing lilies melt, without protest, on their tongues'

Hi! Here is another chapter! Saoirse is back, and our babies are making some evil plans…

I hope you like this new chapter! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)

Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so minors here

Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?

Word Count: 1798

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist

Lilies

I have been thinking about living like the lilies that blow in the fields.

They rise and fall in the edge of the wind, and have no shelter from the tongues of the cattle,

and have no closets or cupboards, and have no legs. Still I would like to be as wonderful

as the old idea. But if I were a lily I think I would wait all day for the green face

of the hummingbird to touch me. What I mean is, could I forget myself

even in those feathery fields? When Van Gogh preached to the poor of coarse he wanted to save someone--

most of all himself. He wasn't a lily, and wandering through the bright fields only gave him more ideas

it would take his life to solve. I think I will always be lonely in this world, where the cattle graze like a black and white river--

where the vanishing lilies melt, without protest, on their tongues-- where the hummingbird, whenever there is a fuss, just rises and floats away.

Mary Oliver

So, this was Pr. Hozier- Byrne…

H-B, or Hozier like everyone on campus seemed keen to call him. Saoirse understood the hype around the man though.

His voice was soft and lulling, his explanations clear, his love for his work evident. He seemed nice, answered all the questions, had something a little shy about him that seemed to quieten when he was teaching. He exuded confidence then, on the contrary, and despite the softness in his tone, it was impossible not to listen to him babbling away about Yeats. The fact that he was handsome was also a strong argument in his favour, Saoirse couldn’t deny it. Ridiculously tall, curls falling over his shoulders, trimmed beard and glasses over green eyes… She sighed as she stared at him, sporting a grey tweed suit, turning to write something over on the board. And that deep voice… damn…

She shook herself, focused on the lecture again, took note of the date her teacher was writing on the white board. The first class was an introduction to Yeats’ life and work, the study of his texts would start next week. For now, Saoirse was carefully writing down dates and historical events and the name of the woman he would spend most of his life pinning over. And she wondered if Hozier was pinning over a woman too, if he was married, if he longed for love, if that was why he seemed to love poetry so much, because he saw his own longing in other people’s words…

She shook herself again, wrote down something about Lady Gregory and the Abbey Theatre. She was projecting her own feelings over that tall stranger, she reckoned. A dangerous activity, if there ever had been one.

Apparently, more students had chosen the class about science-fiction, but Saoirse had definitely no regrets. If the topic seemed more complicated, her teacher was determined to pass on his love for poetry. She was grateful to Gabi for convincing her to choose this class, was already happy to have chosen his lesson about modernism for the second half of the year.

Indeed, she could see that Gabi had done well in recruiting for this class. Most of the students Saoirse had seen with Gabi during orientation week were now listening to H-B explaining the use of theatre to create a common Irish identity that worked hand in hand with the growing anger that would lead to revolution. And indeed, Sean and Donald were there too. If Donald had settled a couple of rows behind her, Sean was sitting next to her, actually. He had recognised her as soon as he had entered the room, had headed straight towards her and asked if he could sit next to her. And Saoirse was happy to have someone she knew in this class too, even if they had spoken but a few hours during orientation week. She hoped they could become friends, she felt a little lonely in this new adult world.

 The lecture went on and was over too soon, a feeling Saoirse had not been expecting for any of her lectures. As she packed up her things, she noticed that Gabi was at the door, eyeing the students inside, and she gave Saoirse a wave when their gazes met. Sean and Saoirse hurried out of the room.

“Hey! How are my wee students doing?” Gabi asked with a grin.

“Doing okay, so far!” Saoirse answered with a smile. “Didn’t even get lost this morning!”

“What an achievement!” Gabi laughed good-heartedly. “Saw that you were having a class with H-B this morning, my next lecture starts in fifteen minutes, just down the hall. Thought I’d come see you all, check on you.”

“We’re fine, thanks,” Sean nodded with a smile.

Donald joined them as well, and they chatted happily for a couple of minutes.

“There’s a party planned at the end of the week, to celebrate the beginning of the year. You should come!”

“Huh… sure! Sounds good.”

If Saoirse was feeling a little shy, Donald was already asking questions about the drinks and the music.

Gabi was about to answer him when she was distracted by someone walking behind Saoirse and Sean, and she immediately grinned.

“Good morning, professor!”

The younger students turned around and politely smiled at their teacher, while he beamed at Gabi.

“Well, well, well… if it isn’t our favourite troublemaker…” he teased, eyes sparkling with mischief. “How are you doing, Gabi? How was your summer?”

“It was good! Busy, lots of things to plan to make sure I can turn all our new recruits into proper menaces!”

Andrew laughed, shaking his head playfully.

“Oh, I bet you have tons of ideas for that… but don’t scare our students away too soon, alright?”

He quickly checked his watch.

“Gotta run, but it was nice seeing you. Will I see you on Thursday then?”

“You know me… how could I say no to a class about protest poetry?”

Andrew’s smile brightened even more.

“Grand. I’m glad to have you as a student again this year.”

He excused himself then, bidding all four students a nice day, and they stared as he walked away, his long legs devouring the distance between the classroom and the exit of the building in mere seconds.

“He’s so nice!” Saoirse sighed. “Thanks for recommending this class to us.”

“He is. And Christ… he’s a sight for sore eyes.”

They all laughed at that, and went on to chat for a while longer, until Gabi had to head to her own class.

Saoirse could feel it, it would be a good year.

Andrew hurried back to your office, knowing that you were waiting for him. And indeed, when he arrived, you had already taken your sandwich out of your bag and were focused on your computer screen.

You greeted him with a smile when he quickly stepped into the room.

“Sorry, ran into a student I know well. Okay… what are our options?”

Andrew took off his vest, took out of his bag his own sandwich and his water bottle, before pushing his chair next to yours so he could look at your screen as well.

Frank was asking for advices about flower arrangements, for the wedding but also for a party they wanted to organise a few weeks before the wedding, some kind of huge get-together with family and friends to celebrate their engagement. Sam and Frank seemed to treat the event as some kind of rehearsal for their big day, and wanted to decorate the place in a similar way they would use for the ceremony.

A perfect occasion to raise chaos and mayhem…

“Frank has already narrowed down our choices… meaning that he took out anything with carnations or calla lilies, he doesn’t like those. I’ve tried to probe to know Sam’s taste, but he seems clueless.”

“Are we surprised by that?” Andrew mumbled under his breath, something bitter in his tone. “Sam’s favourite flowers are white lilies, and she hates pink and yellow roses.”

“Okay, so… can we find any pink and yellow roses in those…”

Andrew chuckled before taking a bite of his sandwich.

“You’re kind of terrifying, Machiavelli…”

“One of my favourite books is about getting stuck in hell and watching people being tortured,” you reminded him, making Andrew laugh and glimpse over at the picture you had hung on the wall.

“Right… my bad. I shouldn’t underestimate your evil nature, clearly.”

“Unless you’re ready to face the consequences…” you added with false threat in your voice, while you were clearly struggling to hold back your laughter.

“Don’t turn me into anything… unnatural.”

You froze, turned to him.

“Was that a Lord of the Rings reference?” you asked with utter surprise evident on your features.

“Obviously,” Andrew smiled, something cheeky and cute at the same time, clearly pleased with himself.

“God… I love the Lord of the Rings!”

“Who doesn’t?!”

“Frank.”

Andrew huffed, but said nothing. He thought the words all the same… what a tasteless gobshite…

“Why am I not surprised?” was his answer instead, and you chuckled at his words.

“Yeah… he does have a few red flags,” you conceded.

“Hmm… but the fact that we’re plotting together against our exes is kind of a red flag, isn’t it? A scarlet one if I’ve ever seen one…”

“Is it worse than not liking the Lord of the Rings?”

Andrew couldn’t hold back the smile that tugged at his mouth.

“Nah, we’re good,” he joked, making you laugh.

And he liked the sound. Almost three weeks had passed since Sam and Frank had announced their engagement and Andrew and you were spending more and more time together. You had planned some things to get to talk to your exes, or just as you were doing today, to mess up with their wedding. Which meant seeing you outside the university, eating his lunch with you, talking over the phone sometimes…

And Andrew liked it. He liked that your dynamic was back on a friendly rhythm instead of something merely professional. You were nice, and hilarious, and so fucking smart. He hoped you would remain friends after all this. He hoped you would become good friends, with a bit of time.

“Oh, this one is so ugly…” you giggled at the picture on your screen, something pink and over the top, with a lot of roses…

“Oh, yeah… that’s the one. Send him this one.”

“Frank asked me for a favour by the way… he wanted me to go fishing for information about Sam’s tastes in flowers.”

“You mean… asking me about it?”

You nodded, and Andrew let out a wry laugh.

“What did you tell him?”

“That I wouldn’t have the opportunity to ask you today as our classes would keep us busy. Don’t worry, you’ll be able to play the perfect boyfriend and come to the rescue, and offer to use her favourite flowers.”

“You’re the best, you know that?”

“Of course!”

You both laughed, eating your sandwiches. And then the conversation drifted away from Sam and Frank, settled on your classes, on work, on the movie he had watched on Sunday, on the walk you had taken with Siobhán and how much you would miss her when she would be gone.

And Andrew still felt a hole in his chest, the weight of something hollow, of a piece missing, because of Samantha. But when he was with you, the grief didn’t seem so heavy, the pain so aching. The emptiness in his heart seemed a little less empty when you were around. God knew he missed Samantha, that he wanted her back. But at least, you made him feel human again. He reckoned you were the only one to make him properly laugh these days.

[foreingersgod]

could you do paige w a black gf hcs??

A/N: i wanted to say real quick that i am white and have also not been in a relationship with a black woman before! so please feel free to give me feedback or let me know if i wrote something that was inappropriate! the last thing i want is to make anyone uncomfortable <3

Paige Bueckers x BlackGf!Reader Headcannons

quite literally obsessed with you

will not let you go out alone, always wants to be with you

like i mean everywhere, whether it’s to go your hair done or to go grocery shopping, she’s always asking to go with you

hell, even if you just want to shower, she’s asking to join you

always sends you things that remind her of you

“saw this makeup look on instagram and i think you should try it”

you literally can’t buy anything because she’s always paying for you

“put your card away, that’s my job”

matches your attitude 100%, she’s so sassy with you

“fine, i can pout too, you know”

loves little touches of affection, she loves when you hug her from behind or hold her hand under the table

worships the ground you walk on, everything about you drives her crazy

you’d buy her a promise ring or matching necklaces or something like that and she’d never take it off

she’s a sucker for when you wear her jersey

loves kissing you: lips, cheeks, forehead, thighs, literally every inch of you

always finds you after her games

“can we just go home? i really need you right now”

the most jealous person you’ve ever met, always sneaking kisses and dangerous touches just so that people know who you belong to

she’s also such a good listener

if you’re having a bad day or get in an argument with someone, she’s always there to let you rant

she makes sure you always feel comfortable talking to her about everything

if you ever ask for her to teach you how to play basketball or for her to really talk about anything she likes in general, she goes all out and gets so excited to share it with you

she’s tough on the outside, but with you? she’s the softest, cheesiest person you’ve ever met

[dsireland86]

Can i request a Noah Sebastian x fem reader fic? I was thinking maybe she reader is a good friend of the Bad Omens crew and she wants to give Noah a special gift while on tour since he's been so burnt out and Maybe it's set a little after Keaton Pierce passed away and he hasn't really had time to grieve and gifts him a Photo of him and Keaton with a note written by him on the back of it maybe? and he gets emotional and they confess feelings?

Oh man.... this hits hard. Okay, I think I can do this. 💔🖤 I've never written anything regarding Keaton or his passing. I've kind always felt scared to. But when this request hit my inbox, it made me realize that maybe I've never given myself the proper time to mourn his loss. It will be 3 years he's been gone, and yet every time I listen to Too Close Too Touch, it feels like he's still here. I still miss Keaton every day. Writing this story has been healing. Thank you to the Anonymous who's asked me to write something so beautiful. I hope I can capture the emotion of what Keaton really meant to us all.

*Author's Note: I waited on posting this story, given the fact that none of this story is factual, but it involves something that's really personal to not just me, but to others, I'm sure. In no way shape or form is this story meant to disrespect Keaton or his death. It is just something I thought about when thinking of how it affected Noah. I know, it's silly. But for someone like me who didn't know Keaton personally and was affected by his death, I can't imagine what his friends and family felt. Again, this is just a fictional story based on actual people. If you're offended by the idea, then please don't read it, not just for me, but also for the Anon. who requested the story.*

Her Special Gift

Tag list: @philomenie @supersquirrel1996 @foliosgirl @angelmarie89 @fadingintothegrey @thisbicc @lacy1986 @dominuslunae @shayzillaaaa @mrsnoahsebastian @flowery-mess @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @stardustsirenmelody @romanreigns-supreme @anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @rumoured-whispers @myownthoughts12 @sister-sebastian @missduffsblog @bngurngheart  @somebodyllelse @xxkittenkissesxx @dizzylmwahh @kenjipepsi1 @blackveilomens @chey-h @disappearintothegrey @jilliemiw86 @pathion @fear-its-beauty @an0mallly  @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

The months that followed Keaton's death become different. After Keaton's funeral, things between Noah and I shifted from being just casual friends to almost like best friends. We started hanging out together more and playing video games, watching old black and white movies, or diving into sometimes deep, theological discussions that always ended with an argument about who was right. Late night pizza and anime dates and tea and book lazy days started to become a habit for us when he wasn't working with the band, and I grew to love them more than I ever thought I would. It seemed that Noah and I had traded our friendship with Keaton for a friendship with each other. We became part of the healing process for each other, sharing stories and memories that only we knew. Spending time with Noah was the best. He was the best, but the way I started to feel about him was getting harder for me to deny and I knew if I ever confessed anything regarding the way I felt, it would ruin everything Noah and I had built in the last few months.

"You feeling okay?" Noah's hand on my shoulder startled me. I was sluggishly slow today, exhausted from the last two nights of the tour. "Yeah, I'm good. Just tired. Still trying to adapt," I chuckled. Noah smiled, taking the box of shirts from me. "I'll help." "Thanks," I said, returning his smile. We sat the boxes down on the table, and I turned to head back to the truck and get one more when Noah gently grabbed me by the arm. "Hey, wait." I looked up at his tall frame, a little alarmed. His chocolatey brown eyes softened. "Are you sure you're okay? You're usually not so puffy around the eyes like you are today." "Oh what, you're keeping up with my skin care routine now?" I was joking, but Noah seemed more serious about it than I was. "Have you been crying?' Noah turned me towards him a little so he could examine my face better. What was I supposed to tell him? That the truth was I really had been crying myself to sleep the last two nights because I'd found a photo of him and Keaton together? Yeah, no. I pushed Noah's hand away gently, reassuring him I was okay. Walking back to the truck, I broke down, sneaking around a corner to quietly sob alone.

Three weeks into the tour, everyone seemed to be doing alright; tired and sore, but okay. I was feeling better, too, but Noah wasn't. He was looking a little worse for wear. If there weren't puffy bags under his eye, then there were dark purple circles under them, painting the clear picture of pure, straight-up exhaustion. Noah was burning out.

"Matt, he needs a day off. He needs to rest. I mean, look at him for god's sake," I cried quietly, throwing my hands in Noah's direction. He was sitting on one of the equipment boxes, leaning back against the wall, his head laid back, arms folded across his chest and eyes closed. He looked as if he was actually asleep.

"Fuck. I know he does," Matt sighed. But we have a show to do tonight, and one tomorrow." "Matt, " I said, shaking my head, "I don't think Noah's going to last one more show. Tonight, maybe, but tomorrow," I glanced over at Noah just as his head fell to the side, catching himself quickly and sitting up right only to close his eyes again. "Fuck!" Matt yelled. "Alright, let me see what I can do about tomorrow. Do you think you could pep talk him into doing tonight's show?" Noah sat up and stretched, yawning and beckoning me over to him. "Yeah, okay, I'll try, but don't get pissy with me if Noah refuses," I demanded with a finger pointed at his chest. Matt chuckled. "Deal. Hey, thanks." I shot him a quick grin before walking over to Noah.

He reached for me before I was even close, which wasn't really like him at all. But I gave in, letting him pull me in between his legs and hug me. Noah's body was so warm despite the white tank he wore, showing off so many of his colorful tattoos. I thought about the stories I knew of some of them, and wondered about the others, tracing them as they wrapped and curled over his bicep and towards his back. I felt him hum in approval of my touch, the vibration coming from deep in his chest as he softly laid his head in the nook between my neck and shoulder. I caressed his back, guiding my hands slowly up and down, and feeling him relax against me. "Feel good?" "Mmm," he mumbled his answer. Noah's arms dropped, falling to his sides. His fingers, so long and slender, gripped my leggings, pulling me closer. "Noah," I whispered, unsure of what to say or do. "Yeah?" "What are you doing? People are looking at us." I spoke softly into his chest, scared to look around. "Only Matt." I looked up, glancing behind me, seeing that he was right. "Does me holding you like this make you feel uncomfortable?" I focused my sight back on Noah, my eyes clicking back and forth over his face. "No," I answered honestly. The small smile that lifted the corners of Noah's mouth made my heart skip a few beats.

"You look really tired." Noah nodded while locking his hand together behind my back, allowing me to rest mine on his chest. The faint smell of his deodorant mixed with the lingering scent of his cologne swept over my nostrils caused me to breathe in deep. Noah smelled fresh and clean even though he hadn't showered since the night before. "I'm pretty exhausted. I didn't sleep right last night." "Why not?" Noah sighed letting me partially go to fun a hand through his hair. "Noah, what's wrong, what is it?" I tipped my head, straining to make eye contact with him.

Finally, I turned his head to look at me. "Talk to me. I'm here." A vacant stare suddenly took over Noah's face, as if he were reminiscing something. "I had a dream," he admitted, quietly, "about Keaton." His almond shaped eyes shifted to mine and the pain that engulfed them was overwhelming, shattering my heart.

"Noah, I'm," "Don't," he sighed heavily, shaking his head slightly. "You don't have to say you're sorry or anything like that. I think it's a sign, like maybe Keaton himself is trying to tell me something." "What do you mean?" I wasn't following as easily as I thought I should be. "I never gave myself time to grieve for him. I mean, it all happened so fast, I barely remember everything." "Like what? I was there for pretty much all of it." Noah smiled, running his finger down my cheek. "Yeah, you were, weren't you? My little moon; always follows me even when there's light." I shrugged. "That's what friends do, right?" Noah cocked his head to the side, narrowing his eyes.

"Friends?" "Yeah," I replied, my heart thundering against my chest. "We're friends, right? I mean at least we were five seconds ago." Noah reassured me with a smile, pulling me against his chest. "Yeah, little moon, we're still friends." "Is that your new name for me now? Little moon?" "Why? You don't like it?" "No, love it," I replied with the hint of a smile in my voice. Noah didn't say anything, only squeezed me tighter.

"What was your dream about?" There was a long pause. "A mix of random stuff, but it all had Keaton in it." More silence. "I wish he was still here. I fucking miss him so damn much that it hurts." The pain in Noah's voice hurt. I looked up to find him squeezing his eyes closed, finger and thumb locked in them "Come with me," I said, taking his hand and pulling him out with me to the bus. "What are we doing?" "You'll see."

We climbed in, throwing out mumbled greetings to Nicholas and Folio who were eating bags of chips and talking, laughing hysterically after one would say something to the other. I rolled my eyes, grinning from knowing why.

I got to the bunks and stopped. "What's this about?" Noah asked, a bit annoyed. "I have something for you that I found recently; something I was meant to give you a long time ago, but apparently completely forgot about." "Okayyyy, what?" I stared at Noah for a moment, wondering if this really was the right time to do this and as brief memories of him and Keaton flashed through my brain, I was reassured.

Bending down into my duffle bag, I grabbed the book that had the picture in it, and handed it to Noah. The moment Noah saw it, his eyes welled up with tears.

"Read the back; alone," I told him, knowing it was going to gut him. He didn't argue. He just turned and walked off into the tiny bathroom and closed the door.

I heard the faint clicking sound of the lock turning and took a deep breath, hoping to prepare myself for what came next.

When Folio and Nicholas eventually left, I seized the opportunity to sit and wait for Noah. There was no way I was leaving without knowing Noah was okay. And then I heard it. The low, almost inaudible sound of weeping.

My heart hit the bottom of my stomach. Noah was finally letting out all the pent-up sadness, pain, and hurt for his friend he'd silently been carrying all these months. I waited a moment before going over to the bathroom door. I quietly knocked. "Noah... I'm here," was all I could say. "He's gone. Keaton's really gone, and there's nothing I can do to bring him back," Noah said through gritted teeth and tears. "Why? I don't understand! Why him!"

"Why anyone? Why is death even a thing," I said gently. There was silence on the other side of the door. "Keaton had a great life. He was in love with life. He loved taking pictures and performing. He loved his fans and followers of the band, always making it a point to tell them on his Instagram." "Yeah, that joker loved posting stuff on there, didn't he," Noah chuckled through a stuffy nose. "I went through it, and it's what reminded me of the picture you're holding in your hands. I'd completely forgotten about it until packing and I picked up my touring book and that picture fell out. I'm so sorry I forgot, Noah. I really meant to give it to you sooner." "Maybe that was meant to happen because the universe knew his death was coming." The idea gave me chills.

There was more silence. "I fucking miss him. I miss my friend." "I know you do. Me, too."

The bathroom door finally opened, and Noah appeared with cheeks stained with tears and puffy eyes. I looked up at him as he looked down at me, tendrils of his recently cut short hair falling over his eyes. He reached down for me, taking my hands and pulling to my feet, sliding his arms around my waist as he did so. I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face against him so he couldn't see my own tears. My lips grazed the colorful skin of his neck, so I took advantage and lightly kissed it, and I could hear the slight gasp he made as he barely lifted me off the ground.

"I wouldn't have gotten through any of this without you, Little Moon," Noah muttered into my hair. I climbed him like a tree and wrapped myself around his slender yet strong frame as his large hands slid over my bottom, squeezing it as he held me up. With our faces so close, I could feel Noah's warm breath cascade over my face. His lips were so close to mine.

He walked us toward the back of the bus, closing the sliding door to the back lounge as we entered, sitting me down on the closest table. He pushed my legs apart, respectfully putting himself between them, and just stared at me. Noah was one of my closest friends. He'd seen me through some of my worst moments, made me feel beautiful even when I didn't feel it, and stayed up with me when I used to have nightly anxiety attacks. Yet, here I was feeling so insecure, so out of his league that I was blushing.

"Tell me we're gonna get through this together," Noah said, taking my face in his hands. I rested my forehead against his chest. "Of course we are, Noah, I'm not going anywhere." He lifted my face. "I don't mean as friends." I could hardly bring myself to look into his eyes. "You don't?" I asked barely above a whisper. Noah shook his head. His thumbs glided along my cheekbones. "Look at me." I dragged my eyes up only to see the sincerity in his eyes. "I mean as an "us". I don't think I can be just friends with you anymore, and just the idea of your perfect heart belonging to another guy terrifies me." A small laugh escaped me, and Noah grinned. "What? It's true. I don't want to be jealous, but I am."

I gave Noah a half smile. "I wouldn't call it jealousy, but more like selfish." "Selfish?" "Yeah, you demand my attention almost every time we're together. And when you see me talking with," actually the more I thought about it, Noah only got that way when another guy was involved. "With another guy," "yeah," I huffed a laugh. "Well, I guess I'm a little of both." "Since when?" Noah's eyes darted between mine. He brushed some loose hair out of my face and kissed my forehead. "Since the moment I trusted you with parts of myself I'm afraid to show anyone else." "And how long has that been?" Noah's lips were almost touching mine. I wanted this, wanted him to kiss me so I could kiss him back. "Always." I forgot to breathe the moment he bent his neck, and brought our faces closer together. A wave of heat, unlike one I'd ever felt before, crashed through me. Noah's arms wrapped around me, and he drew me into a kiss I never thought we'd share. His tongue pushed into mouth slowly yet needy as his large hands slid lazily up my spine. I gave into him completely, feeling every ounce of love pour from his kiss.

My fingers trailed up his chest until I cupped his jaw between my hands, feeling the slight hum of approval vibrate deep inside his chest. I felt like everything about Noah was going to consume me, and I was entirely okay with that. We finally broke apart, pulling our magic back into ourselves as we tried to catch our breath. "You're going to be the death of me," he growled against my cheek, leaving a slight wet kiss on my cheek. I pushed against his chest just enough to look at him. "Not if you destroy me first," I breathed, painting the lines of his jaw with my fingertips. "I never want you to stop looking at me the way you are right now. And if you do, I swear I won't stop making it up to you until your legs are shaking and the neighbors know my name."

I about died in Noah's arms right then. He pulled me into another deep kiss, touching me without any hesitation. He touched me like he owned me. I guess he had for a long time, and I just never realized it. I trusted Noah with my heart, knowing he'd take care of it forever. "So, does this mean there's an us?" I smiled, taking a deep breath while wrapped up safe in Noah's arms. "Yeah it does. I like the sound of "us". "Me too, I guess we have Keaton to thank for it." "Yeah, I guess so," getting lost in a memory of him. He'd be happy; for both of us. "I miss him, Noah. But even now, I can still feel him around." "Me, too," Noah sighed, laying his cheek on the top of my head. "Me, too."

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Dan Rather at Steady:

Of all the complaints, grievances, and gripes coming from the White House, the great majority have been directed at an aspect of 21st century America that Donald Trump just can’t seem to handle: diversity, equity, and inclusion. These three words tie him in knots. DEI raises his IRE. Several of the executive orders he’s signed since taking office are aimed at eliminating DEI programs within the federal government, in education, and in the private sector. Trump has weaponized DEI in the ever-worsening culture wars. It has become the go-to for killing any program that enables a diverse workforce or student body, studies underserved communities, or tackles institutional bias. He also uses it to absolve himself. Midair collision? Blame DEI.

For Trump, rooting out any and all DEI is fulfilling a campaign promise to end “wokeness” and “leftist indoctrination” in education. Some might call it a blanket excuse to blow up programs he doesn’t like. Just tag it DEI and be done with it.

This White House wants everything to be “merit based.” Trump has convinced his supporters that DEI stands for “didn’t earn it.” This is hypocrisy, especially when you consider some of his Cabinet appointments. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth pretty much kills their argument for merit-based hiring. Let’s take a step back for what’s known in television as the wide shot. Here’s what this is really all about: white men whining. You can’t call it a dog whistle, because that would suggest Trump is trying to hide his derision for DEI. He is not. His executive orders are announcing that it is open season to be brazenly, unapologetically racist, sexist, homophobic, ageist, xenophobic, ableist — pick your bigotry. The MAGA backlash to DEI is an outgrowth of the identity politics that have taken a greater hold in the United States over the past 10 years. The reaction has been building for a while but has recently grown deeper and stronger.

The 2015 Supreme Court decision legalizing gay marriage could be seen as the start. The #MeToo movement, which was partly a response to revelations about Harvey Weinstein’s sexual misconduct, took hold in 2017. The police killing of George Floyd spurred the Black Lives Matter movement in 2020. White males have had a disproportionate share of power in the United States since its founding. But the country’s demographics are changing, with the U.S. becoming less white. In the year 2000, 69% of the population was white; just 20 years later, that percentage was down to 58%. The group making the biggest population gain is Latinos. Is it any wonder Trump still wants to build that wall on the Mexican border? And recent trends will continue. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, white people may still be a plurality but no longer a majority in America by 2045. Trump is desperately trying to stop the clock, and even reverse it, with his executive orders.

So far the orders have:

Put all government DEI employees on administrative leave and ordered each federal agency to eliminate their positions.

Ended all diversity programs in the U.S. military and federal agencies.

Rescinded a 1965 executive order prohibiting racial discrimination in federal contracts.

Directed his Cabinet secretaries to “prepare up to nine civil investigation targets” along with “other strategies to encourage the private sector to end illegal DEI discrimination and preferences.”

Required all federal contractors to eliminate DEI programs, which includes all grant recipients.

Cumulative far-right outrage over programs seen as helping and promoting people of color, women, the LGBTQ+ community, and immigrants, combined with the fear of straight white men losing status and power, has brought us to this crossroads.

[...] Trump’s anti-DEI bent is more than a bigoted policy. It is anti-science, anti-education, and anti-American. The country cannot afford to have this covered over or forgotten.

Love this column from Dan Rather: Donald Trump’s war on DEI isn’t about “merit”, but about protecting White male entitlement who see their standing threatened.

[writterings]

i've recently started going to school again to get a second undergraduate and last time i was in school was 2018, and it feels like my classmates this time around are soooo much more nervous and uncertain than my classmates before and maybe that's just a difference in the degree type but i've been hearing from teachers that there's been a noticeable shift these past few years. Have you noticed that too?

so i will give the disclaimer that this is only my first semester teaching ever but during my gap year between undergrad and grad school (i'm technically only a TA atm), i still worked in higher education.

i think a lot of why these students are so nervous is because quarantine literally traumatized a generation in the sense where intense isolation, no matter how many of your material needs are met, still fucks with your head a lot and you come out very socially awkward and afraid of people.

i also think the current state of online everything-needs-to-be-reactionary-and-extreme-and-clean-cut-black-and-white culture has spilled over into real life since everyone and their mother now has tiktok. and since no one wants to be in an argument, they try to be as inoffensive as possible, since they have seen how any minor internet comment can turn into harassment campaigns.

i also just think some of it is because this is their way of being polite. one good thing about widespread internet usage is that people can share their experiences more, especially about ways we can behave to be kinder. however a lot of young people confuse kindness with permissiveness because that's literally how adults expected them to act their entire lives. and now that they're adults, they just haven't learned how to be kind while NOT being worried that they will say the wrong or offensive thing.

[john-get-the-salt]

Awakening (w/Edward Cullen)

Imagine: Waking up in a strange place and coming to meet a very strange family; the cullens.

Contains: not Bella, cause fuck Bella

Warnings: Mentions of past injury, past assault

The search for a missing local ended last night in tragedy. (Y/N) (Y/L/N), a Forks native, was out celebrating her 25th birthday last weekend when she got separated from her friends. Her body was discovered down by the river just last night, 4 days after her disappearance. A cause of death has not officially been released but police have confirmed that they do believe foul play was involved. Police are asking anyone with any information or tips to call immediately at the number below.

Carlisle turned the news report off, his stomach uneasy. His family sat around him, sharing in his discomfort.

"We don't know for sure it was one of us," Emmett was the first to speak.

"We can’t know for sure it wasn't." Edward countered.

"We'll be extra careful. Go hunting in groups or all together. For all we know it was a human."

"And if it was? Will we still ignore It?" Edward hated the idea.

"What the humans do is none of our business," Rosalie spit.

"Even if one is going around killing innocents?"

"Please, not this again," Esme begged.

Edward turned away from his family. It wasn't right, but he never won that argument.

—

Cold.

That was the first sense that came back to you.

A startling cold that seeped into your skin and chilled your bones. You felt like you were frozen solid, but a wiggle of your fingers and toes quickly dismissed that idea.

Your eye open–at least you thought they did. You saw nothing but pitch black and wondered if you'd actually opened your eyes at all.

Maybe you were in hell.

You wanted to reach up, to feel for your eyes and make sure you were all still there, but your hand barely raised an inch before hitting something hard. Your knuckles ached something terrible as a clang filled your ears.

Metal?

You raised your hand again, slowly, and let your fingers brush against the surface.

Metal.

The panic began to set in as your hands felt nothing but cold and smooth metal all around you, encompassing you. A swift stomp of your foot found you nothing but another loud bang. It was as if you were laying in a small metal box.

You wracked your brain, desperate for any memories or clues as to how you get there.

And then you remembered.

It was your birthday. Your friends took you out downtown to celebrate. Barhopping, karaoke, way too much food. It was fun. But you also remember losing your friends in a crowded bar, getting hot and overwhelmed and anxious. You remember stepping outside for some fresh air, hearing something behind you and–

You remembered everything now.

You forced yourself to take a deep breath. Falling apart could come later, once you got home and felt safe.

Kicking your feet again you paused at the creaking of metal that seemed to follow.

Bingo.

You kicked again and again and again with both feet, giving it everything you had, until finally the metal gave away and your prison was flooded with din light.

Nearly crying in relief, you stretched out your legs and hooked your feet onto something so you could pull yourself out. Thankfully you rolled out relatively easily, the metal underneath you sliding out without problem.

Once free, you sat up slowly. Your body was stiff and sore, and you rolled your shoulders in an attempt to loosen up. Looking down at yourself you were taken aback. Your skin looked filthy and blood was caked underneath your fingernails. New scars peppered your arms and legs, though they were all faded and appeared to be old. Your hair hung loosely and you were in an itchy white medical gown. You couldn't identify anything that belonged to you.

Swinging your legs around you tested the floor with your feet, slowly standing. As you did so you looked around at the room.

It was large, lined with beds covered in white sheets. You turned to the box from which you escaped and couldn't contain the gasp that left your lips. The wall towered above you with rows upon rows of small metal doors. You had just crawled out of one of these doors, luckily, on the ground level. But they reached up, almost to the ceiling.

You reached out with a a shaky hand, pushing back the tray you just climbed off of. It slid back into the wall and the door closed behind it with a quiet click.

A morgue. You had just climbed out of a morgue.

You needed to get out of there now.

Your bare feet slipped on the clean floor, making you curse. Where were your shoes?

You hurried past the beds, trying not to think about what could be under them. You stopped at a hallway, whipping your head to the left and right. How were you supposed to know which way was out?

You were about to go right when something stopped you. A small whisper, a tug. Left it seemed to murmur, as a breeze blowing past your ear.

You didn't have time to investigate or worry about hearing strange things. You had no clue which way the exit was so left you went. It ended up being the right choice as further down the hall you could see a set of doors leading outside. You took off into a sprint, pushing the doors aside like they were nothing.

You took a deep breath of the fresh air, wincing again at the ache in your throat and pounding in your head. It was nighttime out, the only light coming from the moon and flickering streetlights. You stumbled away from the morgue, disoriented.

Where were you? How did you get home?

Your house. Home. Did you go home? What were you supposed to do? Were you dead? Why were you in a morgue?

Your head pounded as you pushed your feet off of the hard pavement and took off down the street.

Into the woods, a whisper curled around your ear.

You weren't sure you wanted to be seen running down the street covered in blood, and this mysterious new voice had been right once before. So at the first break in buildings you took off towards the woods that surrounded the town.

Scared and alone you entered the forest. Your bare feet tripped on rocks and roots as you ran but you kept going. You just kept going and going, naively hoping you could simply run away from whatever was happening to you.

You weren't sure how long you ran. You weren't even sure if you were still breathing. It didn't feel like it.

You began to cry, wishing you could forget again. Wishing you could forget the feeling of their cold hands all over you, the whispers and sharp smirks and pain. Just constant pain for days. You remember feeling relieved when they finally dumped you down by the river, left you barely clothed and empty inside. You thought you were finally free to die in peace.

You slowed your pace, pushing through bushes and past trees while tears continued to stream down your face. You wanted to stop, wanted to collapse and curl into a ball of the forrest floor. But the new voice inside your head whispered you on, told you to keep going. And you weren't about to stop listening now.

So you continued on fumbling in the darkness. Occasionally there would be a break in the tree line and the moon would shine down upon you, illuminating the woods and shadows at your heels. The moon seemed to guide you somehow, seemed to pull on your shadows and help you move through the underbrush, commanding your feet to just keep going.

You were so tired. But you kept moving, never stopping, never faltering. And the night got darker and darker as you disappeared into the heart of the woods.

—

"Edward."

The young vampire turned to his adoptive mother who stood behind him.

'We're all going hunting tonight. Carlisle thinks it would be best to keep up our strength, just in case."

Just in case we need to take care of an unruly vampire, was the rest of Esme's unspoken sentence.

Edward nodded, standing to join his family. The Cullen's gathered themselves and were nearly out the door when Edward froze, causing Rosalie to nearly run into him.

"What are you-" Rose cut off her annoyed remark at the look on his face. "Edward? What's wrong?"

"There's someone outside."

"Who?"

Alice gasped, eyes going wide and unblinking. Jasper grabbed her hand, holding it softly as she went through her vision.

"Edward, who it is?" Esme was worried, grabbing for Carlisle's hand.

"The girl on the news.....(y/n)."

"The one who was murdered?"

Edward nodded, eyebrows furrowed as he was bombarded with thoughts. "She's confused and scared. She woke up in a morgue-"

He sucked in his breath just as Alice broke from her vision.

"We were right," she confirmed. "It was a group of vampires. They...did terrible things to her."

Alice was on the verge of tears and Rosalies face got stone cold, her fists clenched.

"She's turned?"

Edward nodded at his father figure. "But I don't think she knows. She needs help."

"We'll help her, right?"

Dr. Cullen nodded at his wife. "Of course. We'll help her with whatever she needs. Edward and Alice, you two have the best chance of peacefully and safely bringing her in. Go, and call if you need help."

The two nodded and slipped out of the house quietly.

--

You walked for what felt like hours, the woods never ending.

But finally, finally, you finally saw a bit of light up ahead. You felt a push and you hurried, diving under some brush and finding yourself in front of a large house.

It was mostly made of glass, light pouring out from every clear wall and window. It was like a beacon as you stepped closer. There seemed to be no one home, no one around but you. You took this opportunity to finally rest and sink to your knees in the clearing around the house.

This would all be a lot easier if you had just died like you were supposed to. You didn't want to be here, you wanted to be dead. You wanted to be somewhere you could no longer feel the ghost of hands of all over you, of pain and screams and blood spilling.

You rested your head in your hands, shoulders shaking as you finally unraveled and began to sob.

"Hello?"

You jerked up, feet moving you back towards the woods.

"Wait!"

You froze a few steps away from the cover of the trees. You refused to turn around, terrified of who or what you would find.

"I'm sorry for trespassing, I'm leaving now."

"Are you ok, (Y/N)?" The voice spoke again, sounding like a woman.

You still didn't turn around.

"I-how do you know my name?"

"We can help you."

You shook your head, taking another step towards the safety of the trees. "I don't want any trouble, I'm just going to leave."

"Please don't leave, (y/n)."

You stilled at the new voice. It was a man, but it was...different. It was soft and seemed familiar.

him him him him him, your new voice whispered over and over again, nearly frantic.

You turned, finally looking back at the voices. A young man and woman stood in the clearing, lit up by the house behind them. The woman was short with a dark pixie cut, and the man-

him him him....that's him

You locked eyes with the man and the world seemed to still. He had piercing eyes that you swore looked right through you, eyes you could stare at forever. Everything seemed to get sharper, more in focus, and the light coming from behind him got brighter. His whole self seemed to call you. Your feet itched to push towards him, your soul seemed to sing, which you didn't even know was possible and-

edward

"Edward?" You tested the name on your lips and instantly liked the way it felt to say, the way it rolled off your tongue like it was always meant to.

The man seemed frozen as he looked at you. He looked vulnerable, his eyes wide and lips parted just slightly.

edward cullen, the voice continued to whisker and you found yourself wishing it would say more.

"My name is Alice Cullen."

You tore your gaze away from Edward and to the young woman. As soon as you did the world seemed to get a bit duller, the clearing seemed darker somehow, unfocused again.

"And this is my brother-

"Edward Cullen," you spoke softly, "right?"

Alice nodded slowly, "How did you know?"

"I-I heard it, I think. There's a voice, telling me things."

alice cullen.....she see's things she shouldn't....ask her

You gulped. "Do-do you know what's wrong with me? I thought I was dead. I-I was laying down by the river, it was so cold." You sniffed, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay.

"I prayed for it to be over, I thought I was finally going to die but I woke up and I don't know what happened. I just wanted to die and forget. I just want to die."

Your legs wobbled and gave out under you. You waited for your knees to hit the ground below you but the impact never came.

You looked up and found yourself face to face with that man, Edward. He'd caught you and had an arm wrapped around your waist to keep you upright. You opened your mouth to thank him when you caught a glance at your arm.

Your lips parted in surprise and if you'd been breathing before you definitely stopped now. Your skin, under a patch of moonlight coming through the trees, was glistening. Though glistening hardly did it justice, it looked as if crystals had been ground up and painted onto your skin carefully. Your hands, your arms, your legs. You were....sparkling.

you are different now.....just like them

You swatted at the air by your ear, growing tired of the voice.

"You have a gift," Edward spoke softly.

You met his eyes once again, "A gift?"

"You said you hear things, right? Things you shouldn't?"

vampires.......he's a vampire

Your lips trembled. You wanted him to be wrong, you didn't want to be glowing or hearing voices or be different.

you are just like them...just like him

"No!" You cried at the voice, stumbling away from Edward and falling back to the ground.

“Make this voice be quiet, I don’t want to know!”

once you hear, it cannot be unheard

“When did it start?” Alice asked softly as Edward approached you again slowly, as if you were a frightened doe.

“Right after I woke up. It….led me here.”

Here is where you were meant to be

“I don’t understand!”

You felt a peace flow over you, and another man with shoulder length hair appeared behind the girl, Alice.

As Alice sees, you hear

“Is it still speaking?” She asked.

You nodded and repeated it’s last sentence.

As the girl furrowed her brow and muttered behind her shoulder to the man, you turned and met Edward's eyes. "I feel like I know you. Have we...met before?"

He shook his head, kneeling down to your level. "No, we haven't. But I can help explain everything, we both can. Would you like to come inside?"

Safe. He is safe. The Cullen’s are safe.

You thought for a moment, before nodding. What more could they do when the worst had already happened to you? You allowed Edward to reach for your hand. You took it, standing up with him.

Edward's eyes, you noted, shone like molten gold. You wondered if your eyes would ever shine again or if they would remain dull and lifeless as you felt now.

His grip on your hand tightened as you two walked over to Alice and the nameless stranger.

"I swear that I will do anything and everything within my power to help you."

And looking into his eyes, you believed every word he said.

him.....he is yours and you are his

"I know."

[misc-obeyme]

what are your thoughts on the cheeky lil cow boy (belphie)

Ah yes, Belphegor, a bit of a polarizing character in general, I think. People seem to either really love him or really hate him.

Generally speaking, I think he's deceptively cunning, but not in a malicious way. He's pretty chill most of the time, but he'll do stuff like manipulate his brothers to get them to do his chores for him. Except for Beel, of course. And really they are a unit. Belphie is always ready to fight for Beel and vice versa. But I also really like how they just quietly support each other. Someone will say oh Belphie fell asleep in this weird place and Beel will immediately be like I'll go get him. Or Belphie will be like we need to make sure we bring food to this thing because Beel will get hungry. Like they're just always thinking about each other and I think that's really sweet.

Belphie will also call people out if he wants to. If he has no reason to keep it to himself, he'll straight up tell you if he thinks you're doing something questionable. And his issues with Diavolo indicate to me that he has a problem with authority, like he would be more defiant if he wasn't also lazy lol.

Inevitably, though, we can't really talk about Belphie without discussing the Lesson 16 Incident. At this point, I think most people are aware of those events, but just in case, I'll put the rest of this under a read more. And also it's kinda lengthy, so be forewarned lol.

First of all, I have to say that I was honestly so confused about what was happening in Lesson 16 that I didn't fully understand that Belphie had killed MC. I had to read it multiple times and then read what other people were saying about it. So I never had an intense reaction to it.

But to be fair, it wasn't like we didn't know there was something weird going on the whole time. I knew it was the youngest brother locked up there and it seemed like it was wrong, so that made Lucifer out to be the bad guy of the situation. Then it turns out that wasn't the case at all.

Belphie is manipulative. That's just part of his character. And when he has something that he's trying to do, he's going to use that skill to get it.

Some people are still mad at Lucifer for locking Belphie up at all. Some people are obviously quite upset that Belphie killed MC.

But here's what I think.

It isn't that black and white. Aside from the confusing time travel shenanigans, this event is one of the most realistic things that has ever happened in the story.

Belphie shared Lilith's love of humans. Together they wanted to learn more about the human world. It would be easy for him to blame himself for her interest and what ultimately led to her death. But even if he didn't, he saw the way that it tore his entire family apart.

It wasn't just that his dad got mad at his sister and they had an argument or something.

It was that his dad was going to end his sister's existence and in defiance, his older brother rebelled. And there was a war. This was not some squabble. This was siblings fighting siblings.

Belphie watched his brothers and sisters fight and hurt and kill each other and it all came back to Lilith falling in love with a human.

And then he fell with his brothers, cast out of his home, losing everything he's ever known. His brothers are changing and suffering just like he is.

They don't talk about it. They clearly all keep secrets regarding it still, things that don't come out until MC comes along. Which is supposedly thousands of years after the fact (at least in OG). That means Belphie has had all that time to let that trauma fester. To let it twist inside him. To let it morph into the one thought that became most dominant: that humans are bad.

Is that a fair assessment of what happened? No, of course not. But we're dealing with a war traumatized fallen angel that clearly hasn't worked through any of these feelings in thousands of years.

And then he defies Diavolo and Lucifer panics.

Yes, Lucifer should have found a better way of handling it. But remember what happened to him when he defied authority? He is trying his best to protect Belphie. He is trying not to lose another sibling. He is also still traumatized and therefore overreacting out of fear.

And so was Belphie.

Imagine being locked up like that and a human comes along. A human is free among your brothers to do whatever terrible things humans do while you're powerless to stop them. Of course he's going to try to manipulate that human into setting him free. Of course he's then going to eliminate them because humans have been historically bad for his family.

I read this situation as Belphie being both afraid and angry that a human - the thing he's convinced himself was the main cause of his sister's death - has become so close to his brothers and has the access to his family that could cause another rift among them.

You could say that it was Belphie's idea to get MC to have all the pacts, but that isn't really true, either. By the time MC meets Belphie, they already have a pact with two of his brothers. He sees them already starting to worm their way into his family. And he knows that the only way to get out of the attic is to encourage it. He doesn't really have a choice.

Maybe everyone can now call me a Belphie apologist. But I'm always coming at this from an outside fictional standpoint. I'm like listen he's a flawed character and it's actually pretty realistic of him to react this way considering the circumstances.

However, he did kill MC. And that's why my own MC, Ciaran, has issues with Belphie for a while. It's also traumatic to have someone kill you, so it isn't like I'm saying MC should just forget about it or forgive Belphie immediately. I think it probably should have taken a lot more time for MC to trust Belphie again. Certainly that part of the story was a bit rushed.

But they're dealing with lesson format constraints and also it's a silly otome game so I guess fully formed character arcs can't be expected. Especially since we aren't dealing with routes and they have to cram everybody into the same set of lessons.

In the end, I think Belphie is an interesting and complex character. I think there's a lot of space to explore more about this particular aspect of him, but due to the format of the media and the lack of routes, his more in depth character arc just doesn't exist.

I personally have no problem with Belphie as a character, but I also understand why people don't like him. I am always of the opinion that everyone is free to love or hate or have any emotions at all about fictional characters lol. This is just my personal opinion.

[hinatashiftz]

LATE NIGHT CALLS

2nd ZEROBASEONE DR

W.C 3.6K | WARNINGS/ GENRES: Reality Shifting Storytime, mentions of TWS, mentions of Shinyu’s real name( Junghwan ), mentions of jealously, mentions of kinda stalking, mentions of anxiety, wanting to confess but nervous, mentions of arguments and yelling, fluff at the end, mentions of kissing, very lovey dovey at the end

April 27, 2024

The Day that changed everything.

In all my K-Pop realities I have scripted that idols aren’t overworked and we don’t work on weekends unless it’s something small. This weekend in particular after filming our first week of promotions for ‘ SWEAT ‘, my saturday was off and available.

What better way to spend my day than with one of my good, close friends, Shinyu from TWS, who also happened to be my ex boyfriend.

We’ve dated in the past for a year before Boys Planet and decided to mutually break things off since we both were going to start working harder towards our dreams of actually making our debut. We knew it wouldn’t work but we promised to stay friends, and we did.

I laid in bed as I texted Junghwan wondering what the plans of the day were going to be;

ME: hey

ME: what are we doing ?

JH: ?

JH: I don’t know

ME: … so you hate me and don’t want to hang out ever again

JH: stop playing around like that ㅋㅋㅋ

ME: SO WHAT ARE WE DOING

seen.

I sighed, laying my phone down on my stomach as I laid there with my eyes closed, I could take a nap-

“ what you doing? you okay ?”

I heard Gunwook’s voice as I heard him walk into our shared bedroom. I opened my eyes and tiredly, I watched him make his way to his bed.

“ Yeah i’m okay why? I’m just relaxing.. I’m kinda tired..”

“ you should take a nap-“

buzz buzz

I grabbed my phone off my stomach, turning it on to see Junghwan finally texted me back, assumingly after he found out what the plans would be. I could’ve came up with plans but I also had no fucking clue.

JH: There’s this cafe a few minutes from my dorm where you can eat and paint

JH: sounds like your style, doesn’t it?

I smiled widely as I read the text message and heard a groan from across the room. I paid no mind to it from how excited I was about our plans. It’s one of my favorite cafes and with everything going on, i’ve been wanting to go on one of my available weekends.

ME: YES

ME: 1000x YES

ME: get ready rn Junghwan

ME: get up

JH: I’m already up

ME: … sure

JH: what about you then?? are you up too ??

ME: this wasn’t about me

JH: that’s what I thought, you get up too

JH: I’ll be there in an hour

“ what’s got you all smiley?” I looked over to Gunwook who spoke out again

I shook my phone in my hand before getting up and heading towards the closet as my mind start to think of various outfits that could work for the art cafe.

“ I’m heading out to that art cafe i always talk to you about- and you’ve never came with me before by the way “ I spoke, saying the last part as I sarcastically looked back and gave him a stink look

He rolled his eyes and laughed

“ everytime you ask me to go i’m busy, I can’t help that, nana “

I nodded my head and laughed along with him

“ I know~ you have to come with me one day though, I think you would like it- OR THAT MUSEUM THAT'S NOT TOO FAR FROM HERE-“

“ sounds like you have our date planned already “

Gunwook said playfully with a giggle while I continued to rummage through my closet for an outfit. I grabbed a pair of ripped up black cargo pants, a white fitted t-shirt, a black vest and a black studded belt along with some black arm warmers that were my favorite to wear since they had a spot to put your thumb in as well.

I walked out the closet and placed the items on the bed, grabbing my phone once again to play music as I began to get ready for my day out.

“ who are you going with or are you going alone again ? “

“ Junghwan-“

“ what.”

I looked back over at Gunwook who sat up in his bed, staring at me, his eyes darkened. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion and shrugged my shoulders

“ yeah? You know I don’t get the issue you have with him- he’s my ex I know but we are good friends, one of my closest friends” I stated as I looked into the mirror fixing myself and ran my fingers through my hair, deciding which pieces of jewelry to wear even though I wear the same set of necklaces.

Music continued to play as the conversation was suddenly on hold.

“ sure, you’re right.” He said in a cold tone before getting out of his bed and walked out the door.

My eyes followed him and I sighed, I don’t know what genuinely makes him upset about him?

I shook my head. I want to have a good day.

I grabbed my necklaces and placed them around my neck before grabbing my phone and wallet, slipping them into my pocket. I walked out the room and met Gunwook again, his dark eyes glanced at me for a second before looking back at me again. His eyes fluttered as they softened, his eyes scanning my body up and down slowly, he looked away and poked his tongue inside his cheek.

“ Your outfit looks really good.. you look really nice..” He spoke in a softer but deeper tone as he kept his eyes on the television screen.

I stood there, frozen , as his eyes scanned my body. My face heated up and flushed into a soft pink, a small smile sneaking onto my lips before rubbing the back of my neck and looking away from him, making eye contact with Jiwoong.

“ Alright- I’m heading out”

“ where to? “ He asked as he made his lunch

“ To that art cafe with Junghwan-“

His head lifted up immediately to meet my eyes , his eyes went over to Gunwook behind me before looking back at me

“ well- alright- I’ll see you later”

I nodded my head and quickly stepped out of the apartment, taking in a deep breath as soon as the door closed behind me.

“ fuck..” I mumbled to myself, shaking my head and slipping my hand into my pocket to grab my phone.

JH: Are you still sleeping, idiot?

JH: I’m here

ME: I’m awake, trust me, i’m heading down right now.

I replied to his message with a smile on my face and headed out into the elevator down to the lobby and out the front doors into his car.

From there, we made our way to the art cafe. We stayed for four hours, every now and then I got text messages from Gunwook which I had replied to in short due to most of my attention being focused on the painting I was currently working on and the conversations that were being shared between the both of us.

Junghwan got a premade design given from the cafe while I had a plain, blank canvas to work on completely on my own which I filled up. I painted the sky and the buildings that were ahead of me as I stared out the window of the cafe.

I leaned back in my chair and let out a long relieved sigh, looking at the final product of my painting. Junghwan and I looked over at each other in pure tiredness, and we laughed. I clapped my hands repeatedly as I laughed before looking around, taking a look at the time and the fact that the cafe was going to close soon.

“ What should we do now?” I asked as I looked back at him and he shrugged before sitting up quickly

“ We just got that you kept talking about- jack box! all my members should be home right now, do you want to come over and play that game ?” Junghwan exclaimed excitedly, his eyes looking at me brightly as he smiled and I nodded repeatedly, also showing my excitement towards the game

“ Of course- Hurry up !” I stated, slapping his shoulder playfully as I got up from my chair quickly and headed out the cafe with Junghwan who quickly followed behind to get payback.

Shortly after leaving the cafe and getting into the car, we made it back to the TWS dorm where I was greeted by all the members who were lounging around the dining room and living room.

“ You guys want to play Jack Box with us-?” Junghwan asked as the members quickly got up and happily agreed, everyone quickly hurriedly ran to the couch.

We all decided on the game that was the current hot topic that I had been non stop talking about, which was QuipLash. As we started to enter the code that was on the television to officially join the game, I received a text

9PM

GW: Where are you?

GW: That’s not the art cafe you told me about

My members of ZEROBASEONE all share a life360 together which was not only helpful when it came to busy schedules but for fun. IMy eyebrows furrowed in confusion and slightly aggravated, especially with how Gunwook had been acting towards me before I left the dorms earlier that day. I didn’t respond and scrolled up on his notification and continued to type in the code on the screen.

“ You look upset at whatever you just saw- are you okay ?” Dohoon asked and I let out a small laugh, shaking my head and waving my hand

“ No i’m fine don’t worry, it’s nothing” I stated as I glanced over at Junghwan who had saw the text messages appear on the screen.

He looked at me curiously and we had a whole conversation with no verbal words needed to be said out loud. I rolled my eyes and shrugged before starting the game for everyone.

The game was insanity as it usually is no matter who you play it with. Innocent questions with NOT SO INNOCENT ANSWERS which had everyone crying from laughter. The hour was filled with nonstop laughter every couple of minutes.

buzz buzz buzz buzz

Gunwook is calling me? He knows i’m hanging out with Junghwan? I’m in a middle of a game round anyways, I need to continue the game and i’ll call back whenever I can.

Call Declined.

The more I tried to continue the night and play with the guys-

buzz

buzz

buzz

buzz

buzz

Gunwook started to call more and more, with text in between stating

GW: Are you at his dorm right now?

GW: Are you alone with him?

GW: What are you doing, fucking answer me?

I mumbled a groan, running my hands through my hair, resting my head back onto the couch cushion.

“ Want me to take you back to your dorm?” I looked over at Junghwan who looked kinda sad to end the night early-

It was currently 11PM.

I looked down at my phone with all the missed phone calls and text messages from Gunwook and nodded my head

“ Yeah.. I should probably head back and see what’s going on with everyone..I have some schedules to do tomorrow anyways..” I spoke out with a sad tone in my voice and Jihoon patted my leg

“ It’s fine, we can hang out another time, you don’t live far so that’s pretty good” He stated and I smiled softly

“ that’s true..well I guess we can play more some other time”

I said as I said my bye’s and night’s to the members before heading out with Junghwan into his car as he drove us back to my dorm.

“ What’s going on with Gunwook?” He asked as he drove and I shrugged my shoulders, letting my head fall back onto the seat behind me.

“ I don’t fucking know.. he’s had an attitude all day today- He got angry when I brought you up actually you know?”

Junghwan glanced at me confused and shook his head slowly as he grew confused

“ I didn’t think I was.. on bad terms with him..” He said in a soft tone, focusing on the road and I shrugged again, my hands landing in my lap

“ Well i’m pretty close with Gunwook.. he means a lot to me and I tell him everything so.. he knows we are exes and maybe he’s just protective-? I don’t know..” I went on as I looked out the window

“ You should’ve saw the way he looked at me when I left the dorms today..” I mumbled, fidgeting with my pants

Silence

“ do.. you like Gunwook?”

The one question, That question. I’ve only ever told Hanbin and Hao about my feelings towards him. Four words, made me feel so much. I glanced over at him quickly before looking away and let out a laugh.

“ I uh..” My brain scrambled on what to say but nothing.

“ You do” Junghwan said, I could hear he had a smile on his face.

I looked over at him and laughed, I was right. He had a big smile on his face and I nudged his shoulder.

“ Yeah! I do! A lot actually.. it’s concerning really.. fuck I get so nervous when I think about even confessing to him, I don’t know how to do this- and what if he doesn’t like me back? what if it ruins everything ?” I started to anxiously ramble and my mind spiraled.

The car stopped. We made it to my dorms and he patted my head and looked at my eyes.

“ If he doesn’t like you and he’s a good friend, he won’t let this ruin what you guys have. Something is clearly going on though with how he’s been texting and calling you all night.. you need to talk to him-“

I groaned loudly and covered my face with my hands

“ ANYTHING BUT THAT”

He laughed

“ There’s nothing else, Hinata”

He was right though. Of course he was right.

“ Fuck.. fine! I’ll go inside and talk to him- he’s probably mad at me”

“ He more than likely is very mad at you, but you’ll be okay- and if not you have your members and me and my members of course” He smiled at me and I smiled back at him.

I rolled my eyes and looked at the apartment building before nodding my head. I opened the car door and waved to him

“ thanks for today, i’ll see you later !” I said to him before entering the apartment building, anxiety starting to fill me with each step I took.

I entered the elevator and made my way up to our floor, I looked around and looked down at the time on my phone.

12AM.

fuck.. it is kinda late to come home to the dorms at this hour isn’t it? I felt bad.

I dragged myself to my apartment door and opened the door. I carefully closed the door as the only light that was showing was from the television from whatever show or movie the members were watching very attentively.

As I finally made my way inside the main part of the dorm where everyone was, everyone smiled at me and greeted me happily.

everyone except Gunwook.

Gunwook immediately got up onto his feet and stomped his way towards me, grabbing my wrist and dragged me into our shared bedroom

“ WHAT- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

I asked him furiously.

“ WHY DIDN’T YOU ANSWER ANY OF MY CALLS? MY TEXTS? WHY ARE YOU COMING HOME LATE AT MIDNIGHT FROM YOUR EX’s HOUSE BY THE WAY-“

I groaned loudly and walked around him towards the closet to find my pajamas

“ TALK TO ME”

He continued and I groaned once again, quickly turning around to look at him and I threw my hands up in the air from frustration.

“ WHAT’s IT TO YOU, GUNWOOK? YOU KNOW- I HAVEN’T BEEN HOME SINCE I WAS 14, ARE YOU MY MOM? WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS- ALL DAY YOU HAVE BEEN UPSET- WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH-“

Gunwook ran his fingers furiously through his hair as he paved around for a second before looking back at me.

“ BECAUSE ! I LIKE YOU, HINATA. I DON’T LIKE YOU HANGING OUT WITH YOUR EX BOYFRIEND ?!” He looked at me with a mixture of confusion and anger.

“ I LIKE YOU SO MUCH I COULDN’T SIT IN THIS DORM AND SEE YOU OUT THERE AND KNOW YOUR WITH HIM.”

I was shocked. I was speechless actually. My jaw actually dropped opened. I scanned around the room trying to collect my thoughts like they fell out of my head.

“ I.. I DON’T LIKE HIM GUNWOOK. I DON’T WANT HIM AND I HAVEN’T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THAT SINCE WE BROKE UP-! I.. I LIKE SOMEBODY ELSE”

I stated starting to look away from his gaze, my lips forming into a pout, a habit of mine.

“ you- you like someone else?” He asked, his volume in his voice coming back down as I nodded my head, avoiding eye contact still.

Silence filled the air as he waited for my answer.

“ I like you, Gunwook..” I mumbled shyly, letting out a sigh of relief, finally being able to say my true feelings out loud, a weight lifted off my chest.

“ fuck.. i’m.. i’m sorry I got upset at you like that..” He said as he looked down at his hands and I looked over at him and sarcastically laughed

“ now you’re sorry?” I asked jokingly before I leaned in and wrapping my arms around his body as I hugged him tightly.

He hesitated at first but quickly wrapped his arms around my body as well, holding me tightly close to him.

“ please.. can you be my boyfriend..” He asked me into my ear.

I couldn’t help the smile that was suddenly slapped on my face and my cheeks that grew red form the sudden question that i’ve been wanting to hear.

I pulled away from the hug

“ but.. I’m good friends with Junghwan, he’s a really good friend of mine and he means a lot to me, I want you to try.. to be okay with me being friends with him and when I hang out with him..” I stated as I looked into his eyes and he grinned.

“ Well i’m okay with it now because I know you want me..” He said quietly, loud enough only for the both of us to hear, stepping closer to me.

“ but.. I just hate you being away from me.. I want you around me all the time..” He said with a pout and I laughed hard, hugging him tightly into my arms again

“ I hate being away from you too but you know I can’t control being away from you sometimes you know ! Especially if I have schedules by myself or with another member that isn’t you” I said, looking up at him with a big smile on my face and he pouted more dramatically in a playful way

“ Try to control it for me” He said in a softer and a cute voice as his hands held onto my waist.

I bit the bottom of my lips as I looked up at him and nodded my head slowly, resting my arms around his shoulder, my hands laying on the back of his neck.

“ hm.. maybe..” I said as we started to step closer to each other, his face coming closer to mine.

I felt my heart race and my face heat up more as I could feel his breath against my face the closer he came to me. I looked into his eyes and glanced down at his lips

“ I’ll be your boyfriend though.. of course..” I mumbled as my eyes were stuck on his lips for a moment before I looked up at him and he was the exact same way.

“ I’ve been waiting for those words for so long..” We began to speak in whisper, as if we were to speak any louder the invisible bubble around us would break.

He looked into my eyes that were filled with a look i’ve never seen from him. Longingly, looked at me with love i’ve never seen. As if he’s dreamed of this moment for as long as he could remember. I assumed I looked at him the same way as he started to smile at me warmly, he took one step closer.

“ can I kiss you..?” He whispered softly as his eyes kept eye contact with mine, looking to see a change and waiting for confirmation. He looked at me with so much care behind his eyes.

I glanced from his lips for a moment and back to his eyes, my smile turning into a small shy grin, I nodded my head slowly.

“ yes..” I whispered back to him as he slowly leaned in, hesitating for a second from nervousness, looking in my eyes again for any sign of discomfort before officially placing his hands on both side of my face pulling me towards him as I held onto him.

Suddenly a fire quickly grew inside me, this electricity that rushed through my veins as our lips finally connected. He kissed me delicately but with passion as if he had been itching to do this all day and night. His hands on the sides of my face held me so carefully as if I was glass. Slowly he pulled away, his thumbs caressing my face as he pulled away, his eyes fixated on my lips as if he couldn’t believe what just happened before looking back into my eyes and his smile grew once more.

The day that everything changed.

[sleepdeprivedf1fan]

Love in the Fast Lane

——

——

It was a chilly evening on February 1, 2024, and the world of Formula 1 was buzzing with anticipation as the new season loomed on the horizon. The air was thick with the scent of excitement, but in the cozy yet extravagant apartment shared by Lewis Hamilton and his girlfriend, the atmosphere was a mix of conflicting emotions.

You had spent the day with Lewis, going over the details of the upcoming season, but there was a cloud hanging over your head. It wasn’t just the usual pre-season jitters; today, Ferrari had made a shocking announcement that rippled through the motorsport community. Carlos Sainz, the beloved driver who had been a part of Scuderia Ferrari for several seasons, was being dropped to make way for your boyfriend, Lewis Hamilton.

You had always admired Carlos, not only for his incredible talent on the track but for his warm personality. He was a friend, a fellow racer, and someone who had been gracious and supportive of Lewis throughout their careers. The news of his departure left a bitter taste in your mouth, even as you felt elated for Lewis. After all, it was a huge opportunity for him to join one of the most iconic teams in Formula 1, but your heart ached for Carlos.

“Are you okay?” Lewis asked, breaking you from your thoughts. He was sitting across from you, his dark eyes searching your face for any hint of distress. With his tousled hair and casual attire, he looked every bit the champion you knew him to be.

You forced a smile, trying to mask the turmoil inside. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just… processing everything, I guess.”

Lewis tilted his head, his brow furrowing slightly. “You don’t look fine. You can talk to me, you know.”

Taking a deep breath, you decided to voice your feelings. “I just can’t believe they’re letting Carlos go. He’s such a great driver and a nice guy. I liked him, you know? It just feels wrong.”

Lewis’s expression shifted, a hint of irritation creeping into his features. “Well, it’s a competitive sport, babe. It’s all about performance. If they think I can bring them more wins, then they have to make tough decisions.”

“I get that, Lewis, but it still doesn’t make it right. Carlos has been a part of that team, and now he’s being thrown aside. It’s not fair,” you replied, your voice rising slightly.

“Are you really defending him right now?” Lewis shot back, his tone sharper than intended. “I thought you’d be happy for me.”

“I am happy for you, but I can also be sad for Carlos at the same time! It’s not black and white,” you snapped, the tension between you growing.

Lewis stood up, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “It feels like you’re more concerned about Carlos than you are about me! This is a huge moment in my career, and you’re making it about him!”

“You don’t get it!” you exclaimed, standing up as well. “You’re my boyfriend, and I want you to succeed, but you’re acting like I can’t have feelings about this. I liked Carlos before we even started dating!”

“Yeah, and I’m supposed to just ignore the fact that you seem to care more about how this affects him than how it affects me?” Lewis’s voice rose, the heat of the argument filling the small living room.

“Lewis, that’s not fair!” you shouted, your emotions boiling over. “I love you, but I also have empathy for others. Just because I’m supportive of you doesn’t mean I can’t feel sad about Carlos. He’s losing his seat!”

“Fine! Maybe you should go and be with Carlos then!” Lewis spat, the words leaving his mouth before he could think.

Stunned into silence, you felt your heart sink. “You can’t be serious,” you whispered, hurt coursing through you.

“Whatever,” he muttered, turning away and heading toward the bedroom. In that moment, you felt a surge of frustration and sadness. You grabbed a pillow and a blanket and stormed towards the couch.

“Where are you going?” he called after you, but you didn’t respond. You needed space, time to cool down. The couch felt cold and hard, a stark contrast to the warmth of Lewis’s embrace. You curled into yourself, the soft fabric of the blanket doing little to shield you from the emotional storm brewing inside.

Hours passed, and you could hear the faint sound of the television in the background. Lewis was in the bedroom, and you could only imagine how he was feeling. The fight had escalated so quickly, and now it hung heavily in the air like an unspoken agreement that neither of you wanted to acknowledge.

After what felt like an eternity, you heard the sound of footsteps coming towards the couch. Lewis appeared in the dim light, his expression softened. “Can I come in?” he asked quietly.

You turned away, unwilling to meet his gaze. “I just need some time alone,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Please,” he pleaded, his voice laced with concern. “I didn’t mean what I said earlier. I just… I’m stressed about everything, and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”

The sincerity in his voice made your heart ache. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the best of me. I just care about Carlos, and I didn’t want you to think I was disregarding your feelings.”

“I know,” Lewis said, sitting down on the edge of the couch. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way. It’s just... it’s a lot of pressure on me, and I don’t want to feel like I’m competing for your support.”

You finally turned to face him, your heart softening as you took in the remorseful expression on his face. “I’ll always support you, Lewis. I just wish we could talk about everything without it turning into a fight.”

He reached out, gently taking your hand in his. “I promise to do better. Can we just… start over?”

You nodded, feeling the warmth of his hand enveloping yours. “Yes, let’s start over.”

With a small smile, Lewis pulled you into his arms, and you melted against his chest, inhaling the familiar scent of him. “I’m really happy for you, you know? Joining Ferrari is a dream come true,” you murmured against him.

“I’m happy too, but I don’t want to lose sight of what’s important,” he replied, his fingers threading through your hair. “You and I, we’re a team. I need you by my side.”

You both sat in silence for a moment, wrapped in each other’s embrace, allowing the tension of the earlier argument to dissipate. You felt grateful for this moment, and for the love that you shared, even in the chaotic world of Formula 1.

“Let’s go to bed?” Lewis suggested softly, his eyes searching yours.

“Okay,” you agreed, and together, you made your way back to the bedroom, hand in hand, ready to face whatever the future held—both the highs and the lows.

As you settled into bed, the weight of the day began to lift. You knew the road ahead wouldn’t be easy, but with Lewis by your side, you felt ready to tackle anything that came your way. After all, love was just as much about navigating the bumps in the road as it was about celebrating the victories. And in this fast-paced world of racing, you were determined to keep your love in the fast lane.

[leemillion]

SunxMoon dream rambles

Sundrop and Moondrop have appeared in my dreams twice now within the past few days and it has only solidified the fact that I ship them- I cannot lie to myself anymore. Good morning SunxMoon shippers! Y'all got another one 😔

Anyways allow me to ramble about these silly lil dreams cause they were so cute and fun

First dream :D

Sundrop and Moondrop were like lil child animatronics, they were like 12 years old and they were going to this cute little summer camp with other animatronics. All the kids had cute little matching camp shirts and everything! David from Camp Camp was the counselor 😃 Anyways Sun and Moon met at that summer camp and were the cutest little guys ever. They were inseparable 🥹 Always next to each other, always holding hands, very protective of each other. It was the cutest thing.

Also at some point there were ancient aliens terrorizing the camp to the point some of the campers had ptsd with the color orange but this ain’t about that right now.

At some point they kissed and they were so shy but happy about it 😭 Idk if animatronics can blush but imagine a tiny Moony pulling his hat over his head to hide it 🥹

Don’t really remember much of the dream after that 😔

Second dream :D

I was in high school again and in English class we had to watch a short film and then write about it for some reason?? Usual English class stuff I suppose but the short film was about Sundrop and Moondrop 0-o

The film was in black and white and Sunny and Moony were a couple living in an apartment in a dystopian land where I’m pretty sure the world was on the brink of apocalypse. They had been going through a rough patch lately and were arguing throughout most of the film.

It gets blurry here but near the ending apocalypse began and they somehow got stuck in a purgatory like state together. No one could perceive them and they could barely perceive anyone but each other. It was like a veil was put between them and the rest of the world and they were the only ones who could see through the veil. But just barely. Any other person was a white silhouette and sounded far too muffled to make out what they were saying.

It was very dull and kind of scary at this point. Sun and Moon realized that they only had each other from now on, until the end of time. There were no words exchanged, but you could tell they made up and forgave each other for whatever their many arguments were about. They held hands, looked at each other, and smiled. Before sharing a kiss. Then the film ended.

I think dream me might’ve cried idk it was a beautiful film at least in my dream 😅 Everything else after that was irrelevant to Sun and Moon so I’ll end my rambles here-

Anyways thanks for reading my silly lil dream rambles :D I love our funny celestial jesters

I’m gonna go scour the SunxMoon tags while the fixation is still fresh bye chat :3

[cloud-somersault]

Hello. I made a (now deleted) tweet earlier about the imbalance of Wu and Mac's fuckups in Constellations. I discuss the reasoning behind that here. There's also just epilogue news in general in here, so please read when you get a chance.

Thanks.

It’s come to my attention that some people see the reconciliation aspect of the epilogue to be entirely one sided in Macaque’s favor. I wanna address this. 

First off, it’s in Macaque’s perspective. We’re reading through his voice. These are his opinions, his thoughts. If we read something he thinks and we think to ourselves “that’s not fucking true” that is because he is his own character with his own faults and biases and opinions. He is not going to be objectively correct. And he has his own share of fuckups. “Water and Stone,” Chapter 4 of Constellations, hurting Wukong after the Little Star fight. 

Neither is Wukong. I understand that, throughout the chapters, Wukong has done/said some fucked up shit. The argument about Little Star, the whole thing with sentimentality and Macaque’s cape, the “Sun’s Shadow” debacle — he is not perfect. He has apologized, though. 

But here’s the thing: this is about characterization. Let’s walk through it.

Macaque does something fucked up to Wukong. What is Wukong going to do? Forgive him, because nothing Macaque does is as bad as what Wukong did (killing Macaque). He is biased in this way. There is nothing Macaque can do that would have Wukong seriously mad at him for centuries (unless it’s something ridiculous like seriously hurting MK (worse than s3) just because or something like that). Wukong considers that murder to be his greatest sin. So, he is always going to forgive Macaque any wrongdoing.

Will he still get mad? Yup. Will he call Macaque on it sometimes? Yup. But he’s not going to hold a SERIOUS grudge because he’s the one who made the ultimate mistake. 

That’s Wukong’s character. That is something he chooses to do. And no, it’s not right. It’s not fair; Macaque should get called out, too. He should get told he’s not perfect has fucked up, too. But things are never black and white. No situation works out that way. This is their dynamic in this AU specifically. Sometimes the right thing just doesn’t happen even if you know it should. Sometimes unfairness is just the way it is, especially when it’s two people who have hurt each other and are making mistakes and are trying to make things work. 

But let’s talk about Macaque. He’s more sensible and thoughtful than Wukong, so his fuckups are going to be fewer in general. He’s more mindful and doesn’t say things without thinking as much as Wukong does. And he’s also taking advantage of the fact that Wukong easily forgives him. He’s aware of that and is using it as much as he can because he feels he’s entitled to it because Wukong murdered him.

Macaque feels as if anything he does pales in comparison to Wukong’s murder of him. So yes, he calls Wukong out at every opportunity and makes him apologize. He feels like he has that “right” since he’s the victim of Wukong’s murder. 

None of this is “healthy” or “the right way to go about it” but that’s the point. It should feel unfair. You should feel “ugh, Wukong fucked up again, Macaque’s going to get onto him about it.” And I get that’s frustrating to read because Macaque has fucked up fewer times than Wukong but…Macaque has fucked up fewer times, so there’s less moments for Wukong to call him out.

And Wukong may or may not call him out on it because he easily forgives Macaque. He’s willing to do anything and everything to be together with Macaque. Having his palms sliced into was fucking nothing to him. That’s a normal Tuesday for the Monkey King. He himself said he was more concerned about Macaque’s well-being than what happened to him.

I get that this is frustrating to read at times. But you don’t have to read it. I get that sometimes you might be like “I wish it’d gone this way” but you can always write your own stories. This is the dynamic I’m writing, and it’s not fair, it’s not healthy, it’s not an ideal relationship that sets a good example or anything. Wukong is going to fuck up time and time again and Macaque is always going to call him out. Macaque is going to fuck up sometimes because of his more mindful nature, and Wukong might call him out sometimes. That’s a choice that they make each time.

Why would Wukong call Macaque harshly and potentially piss him off so much that Macaque wants nothing to do with him? Wukong is not going to take that chance. He wants to help Macaque and is willing to go to Hell and back to do it. That is not a healthy dynamic. I know this. You should know this. But it’s their characterization that drives it. 

I expressed that I was unsure about the balance of “Macaque fucking up vs. Wukong fucking up” and I came to the conclusion that there’s always going to be imbalance, because Wukong just will not make a big deal out of any mistakes Macaque makes. 

So Macaque holds himself accountable. He told Wukong he wasn’t going to guilt trip him about his death and intentionally hurt him with his words, and he stopped doing that. He talked about how he attacked Wukong, but Wukong was quick to assure him that he was fine. Macaque also called out Wukong for overshadowing him, and Wukong argued back and then Macaque had to explain that he wasn’t blaming Wukong, he was venting and explaining himself. And they reached an understanding. 

Macaque calls out himself and is hard on himself. That’s why his prose is so draining and negative. And that imbalance between them will always exist because Wukong killed him. That is the worst thing he could’ve done and he did it. Now he’s forever making up for that fact. That’s the dynamic I chose to write. If you don’t like that it’s not perfectly balanced and black and white and every toxic behavior isn’t called out and addressed and corrected, then this fic might not be for you. 

And honestly, I feel like I shouldn’t have to type this out. It’s upsetting that I have to. I re-examined how I feel and I’m not having as much fun as I used to writing this. I’m going to try and finish things out, but chapter 12 might end up being the last chapter. I’m going to start limiting replies and turning off comments etc., just so I can, maybe, finish this out. 

[aqours]

anyways if i'm going this deep in lemme share this teen mom Ashley fic idea i had i'd love feedback on the idea

this is completely unrelated to my other idea regarding this this is an entirely different can of worms i'm putting this under a readmore just bc it's a bit long and also filled with dead doves so only open and eat it at your own discretion

so basically the idea goes like this- when they were teenagers (her 14 and him 16) Andrew and Ashley got into some kind of big fight (still working on it) most likely due to him having a girlfriend in hs at the time. during this period, in an effort to make a point and piss him off, Ashley gets a boyfriend of her own (who just so happens to have messy black hair and green eyes wow what a coincidence) who was in a class with Andrew. some incident happens where Ashley "accidentally" leaves her phone with explicit texts on view (but also tis like the 90s so maybe i'll redo that) and Andrew talked with his classmate and then uh there was another second missing person, and after an intense argument Ashley and Andrew "slept in the same bed" and anyways a month later Ashley announces she's pregnant casually at the dinner table putting the pregnancy test she put right on it.

"Huh. Not the reaction I was hoping for."

"Forgive me for not being particularly fucking thrilled at the idea of being a grandmother at 32, Ashley."

"You know, if my kid has a kid at 15 and their kid ALSO has a kid at 15 you could be a great-great-grandma at only 75."

"Please shut the fuck up, Ashley."

and Andrew is in complete denial it is. it's been 6 years and every single person except Julia refuses to believe it isn't. at one point when Alexis "Alex" Graves is a baby she makes a comment she has her father's (green) eyes with a wink and grin at Andrew. during the Burial Route when Mrs. Graves is trying to plead with Andrew she finally says "... If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your ------------------" and it's like his brain physically blocks out any insinuation with he's the father with white noise. so he's been living as the kid's uncle officially and has no idea how to act around this kid most of the time.

Ashley is not a good mom by any means and has had CPS called on her more than once but incompetence won't remove the child entirely and she does like. actually love this kid but her obsession with Andrew is clearly more important to her, the fact this kid keeps him tethered to her even if he won't admit, and also because she spoils the kid however she can to try to prove she's a better mother just because her daughter is happier than she was, when learning Alex hit another kid to get their candy she was outright like fuck YEAH if you want something take it!!! girlboss gatekeep gaslight to this four year old and Andrew at least tried to teach the kid right from wrong in response. during her first birthday Mrs. Graves asked Ashley if she was gonna do anything and Ashley didn't see a point the kid is 1 they won't remember the birthday there's nothing they'd want and she doesn't seem to process the point of a birthday for a baby isn't about toys and fun but to celebrate their life. when Ashley suggests they can get by on mugging people Alex says she can pose as a homeless sad kid and for the first time in a while at her Ashley lights up and says THAT'S why you're mama's favorite <3333

babies don't make everything better the co-dependent toxic satanic demonic summoning cannibal incest game's plot now also includes a 6 year old that has also eaten people now with two of the most awful parents imaginable around her and if anything Ashley might get colder once her mom is dead because now there's no way

thoughts? i really want to write this but i'd love feedback