john-get-the-salt

[john-get-the-salt]

petal in the machine

[john-get-the-salt]

im still laughing at this

[john-get-the-salt]

SWOOOOOON

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞 —send me a shy!reader request for any character (with a plot) and I'll write a >1k drabble

Can I request shy!reader and Derek? Maybe where she's really shy about pda but she finally works up the courage to hold his hand or kiss his cheek in public and he just melts <3

tysm! ♡

"Penelope, I'm not wearing that." 

Penelope waves the custom t-shirt she's made at him threateningly. "Yes, you will, because you love me and you love Hotch and he deserves our support." 

She's created matching garb for their entire team as well as any partner willing to support Hotch. "This is his second triathlon, and he's very much going to remember last year's triathlon and his now ex-girlfriend. Plus, it's for charity!" She slaps his chest with the shirt. "Put it on." 

You smile at his reaction, the fond clench of his jaw, his rolling eyes as he peels out of his t-shirt. The smile quickly stifles, mouth dry as the Sahara in seconds. The tight pack of his abs ripple in the sunlight, dark skin practically glistening. 

"It's too hot for this," he complains. 

Penelope nudges you. "He can say that again." 

Derek squeezes into his shirt and laughs. "This better be the wrong size on accident." 

"Maybe." She leans down to grab another shirt from her tote bag, saying, "This should be the right size, sweetcheeks." 

Yours is big enough to wear over your original blouse easily. Derek glares at you without any real malice and swings an arm around your shoulders, dropping a kiss at your temple. "Looking good." 

Being with Derek has never made any sense to you. Or rather, Derek being with you has never made any sense —you'd be a fool to turn him down and he's a fool to think you're good enough. He's ridiculously attractive, a bombshell of a man, with ambition and a good heart, sweetness and heat alike practically drip from him. You're confused by him often and melted by him more, a melted puddle of a girl as he walks you to the crowd of BAU employees waiting at the finish line to cheer for Hotch.

Jack and Henry stand together, though Henry, JJ's son, is much smaller. Will crouches next to him to make sure he doesn't run anywhere he isn't supposed to, while JJ stands with Emily and Spencer, all already bedecked in their supportive t-shirts. 

There's a chorus of hellos as you join them. Everybody Derek cares about that isn't in Chicago stands in a bubble, and it terrifies you like always. You want to make a good impression. You don't want to let Derek down. 

Not that he cares about any of that. He knew you were shy to aching when you met and he has no intentions of trying to change you. "Sorry we're late," he says. "My fault."

Actually, it's your fault. You got the time wrong. But Derek doesn't embarrass you by telling them —your affection for him swells. 

He keeps a hand behind your back for a while. You sway under the huge sun beating down and on tired feet for a while, Hotch your saviour as he appears across the finish line. Will takes Jack to meet him, and Jack, the poor thing, gets a super sweaty hug.

Hotch isn't first to finish, but he runs a good time. 

"Better than last year's!" Emily cheers. 

Penelope wolf whistles. You clap your hands with Spencer, pleased if feeling a little out of place. 

"Maybe I'll sign up for next year's triathlon," Derek says, grinning. 

You know he's kidding, but Derek could do anything he set his mind to. You go on tiptoes and kiss his cheek. "I'd cheer you on," you say earnestly, stepping back, wiping the tiny balmy kiss print you've left behind. 

Derek looks at you plainly startled. Your heart skips a beat, worried you've overstepped. 

"Can I get another one of those, or are they in limited supply?" he asks, warm and quiet, not an inch of bravado to be seen. 

You turn back the unfolding scene of victory in front of you, "Maybe later." 

Derek is noticeably sweet on you for hours, and declares at dinner that he'll be joining Hotch in next year's triathlon. You reach for his hand under the table and nod along. You'd love to see him at the finish line. 

[john-get-the-salt]

Your camera roll as part of the team - part 2:

Part 1 | Part 3

[john-get-the-salt]

[john-get-the-salt]

zuhair murad fall 2024 couture

[john-get-the-salt]

scurvy has got to have one of the biggest disease/treatment coolness gaps of all time. like yeah too much time at sea will afflict you with a curse where your body starts unraveling and old wounds come back to haunt you like vengeful ghosts. unless☝️you eat a lemon

[john-get-the-salt]

“Get his ass” Is so unreasonably funny to me. A huge win for the English language. Today’s version of “seize him” imo

[john-get-the-salt]

The Hunger Games has the FUNNIEST arranged marriage of all time btw. Katniss realizes she'll have to marry Peeta and she's obviously upset so Haymitch tries to comfort her by saying "you could do a lot worse" and Katniss is like "well DUH of course I could do worse than Peeta he's the best & handsomest person on the face of the planet but that's not the POINT I want to be able to choose for MYSELF". Then she goes and chooses Peeta anyway lol. Comedy gold I tell you

[john-get-the-salt]

This little bug has thoroughly stolen my heart.

[john-get-the-salt]

"what if things were different" is a poisoned well and drinking from it will kill you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[john-get-the-salt]

the atelier bridal collection 2025

[john-get-the-salt]

When you get a random spike of intense pain that fades away after a few seconds

[john-get-the-salt]

sometimes i think about the golden record and i want to cry

[john-get-the-salt]

For the record, I would never knowingly use or share AI generated art in anything I post, so if you ever catch me doing so, it was an accident, and I'd like you to let me know so I can delete it.

[john-get-the-salt]

IM DECEASED 😭 cause the way I can totally hear him saying that

Imagine Spencer being so absolutely obsessed with you that when he tries to ask you on a date he says something like, "maybe i could eat you out -- take you to eat out -- out to eat. take. you. out to eat, i meant…

Pls write it

Morgan's spent twenty minutes hyping Spencer up, but the doctor knows it won't be enough. No amount of time is enough to prepare for the scariest thing he's ever done in his life. Standing against active shooters and being held captive seem to pale in comparison now, as he stands before you and your questioning eyes.

"What's up, Spencer?"

"I was wondering," He starts, and just like that the script he'd prepared with Morgan vanishes from his head. Technically, Morgan had denounced the script. It was a Spencer Effort, lines of dialogue he'd run through countless times while ignoring Morgan's protests to 'just feel it'. Now he's feeling nothing but panic, but he tries feeling something more.

"-if- if you wanted to maybe.. I could take- eat you out?"

He's felt it.

"-or- no!" He tries ignoring Morgan's snickers as he feels his cheeks blaze with embarrassment. His eyes squeeze shut as he grimaces, then he drops them to your mouth so that he doesn't have to look into your own gaze, "Not- not like, I meant... I could- we could go eat out. I could out- I could take- we could go to eat out. Like, I could take you to a- a diner? Or something? And we could eat. Out. I could take you out to eat. But if-"

"Spencer!" You rush the word out, and he watches the way your lips move around it.

He can't move, he can't speak, he can't offer you the apology you deserve, all he does is stand there frozen.

"I would... love to go get something to eat." You speak more eloquently than he did, but your voice is cautious, "And... we'll see about that other thing."

You leave him no time to respond, scurrying off to the bathroom to give yourself a once-over in the mirror. Spencer stands there dumbfounded, feet barely planted on the scratchy carpet of the precinct so that when Derek's hand claps him on the shoulder, he nearly topples.

"My man," Derek beams, amusement still dancing in his words, "Go eat her out, pretty boy."

[john-get-the-salt]

when i want fluff/angst fics and all i’m getting is smut

the struggle is real