#and these panels! it seems very purposeful that the rainbows are on him

[captainkingsley]

"wolverine reunites with his boyfriend this issue we need rainbows somewhere"

[orleans-jester]

For the Figaro and Willem honeymoon suite, Iain actually put a lot of thought into the characters of both of these people and what they would like rather than go researching what homeymoon suites tended to really look like. He could probably do the standard, but these weren’t standard people. They were friends. One of them being his best friend these days.

So what theme did he go with for it? Get the obvious pirate from Willem, and add in the macabre of Lovecraftian with Figaro’s love of horror, and the books that they had loaned him which were generally chilling. Rats in the Walls had him going a bit nutty for a few days. The two went quite well together, actually. Horror of the seas and all that.

The walls were all horizontal wooden planks, dark and polished like a ship that was recently prepped for the sea. Came with that fresh wood smell too, he made sure of that. Same with the floors. Solid gray oak. He actually went to the hardware store to pick it out. He was very diligent in his work. He didn’t skip any steps. Wasn’t going to disguise things like shadows in the corners.

The lights were lanterns, being strung up from the ceiling. The light switch turned them on like ordinary lights, but they gave the flicker that only flames could. They seemed to sway a little on their chains, like the room itself was moving. Like they were at sea. Other than that, the light sources were the windows, round, covered in thick black curtains. The view out of there was a storm over the sea, looking out to the city on the shore. Perhaps nothing like what most people would want on a honeymoon but this was Willem and Fig here. So of course he manipulated the view to include the large old God that this was inspired by. He could always change it if they didn’t like it, not a problem with that.

It was indeed a suite. The door opened up to the living area, with rich oxblood leather couches, barrel end tables with glass vases full of rose petals and potpourri to add some romance into it. Iain never questioned what their relationship was, especially since he knew that Willem and Livvy were still a thing. He just thought this whole thing was funny and wanted to be a part of it, so he would go a little cheesy with that sort of thing. Just a little. A thick trunk of a coffee table which opened up to reveal some kinky things that he somehow managed to order with a straight face, just assuming these two were going to find alternate uses. Flavoured condoms, a vibrating rainbow strap on, male chastity belt, a feather tickler, a crop, nipple clamps, fuzzy handcuffs of course, erotic dice, and even a pack of edible underwear. It was just hilarious. Especially when his dad saw the size of the package from the sex shop and his eyes nearly burst out of his head. All of that, along with a television that Iain bought for the purpose of mounting up, blending in with the wall seamlessly, a rug that had little skulls and crossbones and a couple of pictures framed and scattered throughout. Even a couple taken at the prom when they were both dressed up, in ornate frames, with little paper hearts around them.

Which then leads to a step up to the bedroom area. The same wood paneling and flooring all around. This was where the cheesiness was going to come in - the bed. It was big. And it had an obnoxiously large headboard with lights all around it, heart shaped. And then below that, between the bed and the heart, was a heart shaped mirror so the two could see what was going on if they were getting it on. Such a funny image. The sheets were all silk, the pillows were black, and the blankets were warm and velvet, striped in different shades of red and black. A little pile of skull candles on one of the barrel end-tables and a tentacle sticking out of the other one, worming it’s way up around the metal heart with the lights to keep everything incorporated. Another full size mirror across from it, and a tentacle chandelier hanging from the ceiling, along with a couple of those lanterns.

The bathroom was the piece de resistance. There was the heart shaped bathtub, but it wasn’t the typical heart shape that most people knew and loved. It was quite large, almost more the size of a pool that people can get for their backyard, but that’s because it was shaped like an anatomical heart. And given how many bits and bobs tend to stick out of that, he wanted each of the atriums to have space to sit against. It was dark red in color, and included jets all around to make bubbles and massage. And because the inside was red, it added that gory aspect of looking a bit like blood which Figaro would love. The mirror above the sink was round, with a ship’s wheel typed frame around it. The sink had it’s own special features too, the outside of it looking like tentacles was holding it against the wall, like they were coming through and keeping it up. The toilet was - just an ordinary toilet, but just black to match with the rest of the decor.

There were little things here and there. A black mini-fridge with heart-shaped boxes of chocolates that were very hard to get this far away from Valentines Day but there it was, along with a very good bottle of wine. A stereo so they could play music. And even - this Iain would only let Willem know if he wanted to pass on the message, a little secret hideaway that could be accessed by moving one of the barrels against the wall for Hansel if he wanted to get in. Iain saw him get excited at the prospect of the door for Hook, figured this would be no different. A full suite that only takes up the size of one door.

[nightswithkookmin]

What you think of fetus V who said in front of everyone "You seem to really like men" to Jimin? Youthful ribbing? Or a moment of insensitivity ? FWI saying you like girls or guys? Or calling close same sex friends u a couple? is actually common where am from. This has happened in my friend circle too actually. Except all of us are hets so no one take it seriously. Cant think a closeted person would find it that funny. Jimins lack of denial or even laughing it off always stood out to me tho.

What do I think of that comment?

I think we both know very often when people say they think a man likes men, they mean to say they think that man is Gay and very often when the g-word is used in a sentence, it is not meant as a compliment- imma give it to you straight, no bs. Lol.

The parlance gay and variations of it, in my opinion, is often used ubiquitously and traditionally as a slur slang among ignorant, non-progressive, anti homosexual individuals and is often rooted in malice.

And when malice isn't intended, ridicule is. The sad fact is, people adopt the terminology as ammunition to blatantly attack, dehumanize, belittle and strip away the dignity of queer folks and when the term is used in reference to non queer people it has a similar effect. It degrades them as well through the irony and humor of comparing them to gay people.

Gay jokes, if you will, is a subtle art of passive aggressively slurring gay folks if you think about it. I mean let's be honest.

Personally, I don't think Tae's intentions in that moment were malicious at all. I don't think he blurted out those words with the intension to ridicule Jimin either- stay with me. It will make sense in a bit.

But he called Jimin gay nevertheless. His comment if a joke, I'm afraid, reinforces these bizzare stereotypes of masculinity and promotes toxic rhetorics prevalent especially within Kpop shipping communities where every Male idol interaction is hyper sexualised and romanticized thus, suggesting a man cannot love another man, be affectionate or be fond of them unless they secretly lusted after them and harbored a desire to lay down pipes in their behinds- which, honestly is crazy coming from a guy with a cultural background such as the Korean culture where kinship is commonplace but more on that later.

I think whatever which way we want to look at it, it was an insensitive comment especially if you believe he meant it as a joke. It was definitely not his most woke moment, socially and culturally- and that's putting it lightly.

That 'gay' comment to me is right up there with all the problematic statements some, if not all, of the members have made over the years- the colorism, racist jokes, the ' eww, you too black,' 'akekeke- you too tanned shoo,' implying if you're black or tanned you are ugly. The fat jokes, the misogyny and misogynior- please don't ask me to give you examples of these. I don't want to ruin BTS for you. Lol.

There are commentaries on these out there on the internet. You can look it up for yourselves- You welcome. Lol.

For the record, BTS have since retracted, acknowledged and apologized for most of these questionable moments throughout the years and so we cannot hold it against them, forever- not to make excuses for them but they are human too. They learn, they unlearn, they make mistakes, they correct them, they grow and as NamJoon said, they really were a bit 'unsophisticated' and rough around the edges in their earlier years- even if it was just five years ago from now, chilee. They is a mess. Lmho.

I think it's all part of the human process honestly- don't worry BTS, I have a lot of space in my heart for y'all to be human and still love ya. Keep going sweeties. Y'all's doing greatness de la grande kind!! Bless y'all.

In V's case he was, since that incident, put as a judge on a show that allegedly featured queer folks and he seemed more welcoming of them than the other judges on the panel, excluding RM of course.

A year later, he would make a song that the LBGTQ plus fraction of Army would rally behind as a highly pro gay song- Stigma, which I find debatable but whatever. I mean, just because JK has stars, clouds and the sky in his lyrics don't make him an astronaut or an environmentalist fighting the good cause for the climate but to each his own.

Stigma was still something, I'll give him that.

Flashforward to five years later, and he would be recommending songs by gay artists, appreciating and promoting gay art and the artists behind them, sporting rainbow outfits, designing a BT21 character that is genderless, incorporating sign language in his speeches- he polished up. Woke the hell up. Politically correct. Yadda yadda yadda.

I think, like some of the others, he too learned his lesson. It's not ok to trivialize the oppression of others or make light of it-

Now that we've gotten the woke bit out of the way, on to our shipping business. Follow me, chop chop. Lol.

Firt of all, I don't think that moment is a big deal. But I find it interesting nonetheless.

Do I think Tae was teasing Jimin in that moment when he made that statement? It's not quite easy as yes or no.

Personally, I think he was clocking him.

This interview was conducted at a point in the timeline where I feel Jimin was shedding his image as the Maknae obsessed hyung in the group. He was coming into his own and embracing himself for who he is and that I think included his sexuality.

Prior to, he had in my opinion, since debut, slipped into the role of the queer jest of the group supplying queer humor and entertainment for listeners at radio shows by offering himself up for ridicule as the 'gay guy' within the group- I hated every bit of it. Lol.

You'd often hear the members refer to him as the one good with the guys, the boy in love with the Maknae- There is still a fraction of Army that see him as this persona but he has since outgrown that label and that phase.

RM was basically the Black jest of the group, offering himself up for ridicule for his darker skin tone right down to his blaccent. Can you do your black accent? They will ask him at interviews and he would proceed to deliver a walmart version of the Black American English. Sigh.

Compared to the previous year where he literally gasped and panicked when the members hinted at his sexuality or made statements that put his sexuality into question, Jimin seemed more in control and mentally prepared during this interview.

When the question was asked of him, the question of why he liked JK, his instincts it seemed was to steer the conversation away from his sexuality- a tactic the rest of the members would employ to avoid discussing Jikook a few months from that interview...

I mean, when Tae asked Jimin on JK's birthday that same year what he wanted to give JK, RM cut in before JM answered. Jimin had done the same thing when in an interview JK was asked if Jimin wasn't his style and JK was stuttering not knowing what to say in response. JM asked him not to answer the question.

When interviewers ask these questions, they do so for entertainment purposes- because who doesn't like gay jokes, amirite?

For heterosexual idols I assume it's not slippery slope for them to engage in these kinds of humor. They can play gay without risking exposing their heterosexuality and when they do play gay it's for jest.

It's not the same for queer idols I think.

Jimin was basically done being the butt of the gay jokes in 2015, he was done selling himself as the JK shit rainbows and I'm the unicorn fixated on him kinda person and it reflected in that conversation.

'I don't like everything about this boy. He ain't all that. But he is the Maknae and he cute so whatever' lol.

Like I said, I think Jimin was steering the conversation away from his sexuality but Tae's comment steered the conversation right back to it. 'I just think he likes men.'

Most South Koreans I've met in person and on the internet spend a considerable amount of time and energy trying to dispel the western notion of gayness projected on to Korean men for their skinship culture.

We like to glamorize gayness in these streets but in reality gay is stigmatized especially in places like South Korea. People don't readily read gay in Male interactions unless they were being homophobic or socially unaware.

To me, Tae's statement was more of an observation about Jimin, one which he felt a need to contribute to the discussion they were having, perhaps to provide insight into the inner workings of Jimin rather than as a joke or jest- or may be he did both.

Jimin managed to avoid opening himself up for the gay jokes and to this Tae then responded, I just think you is gay sir- The emphasis has been mine. Lol.

The thing about Tae is, in the earlier days he used to have a habit of 'exposing' Jimin whenever Jimin told half truths and what not.

For example, in 2014 during an interview when JM was asked what he wanted to do on his free days he had said he wanted to spend time with his family or something and Tae immediately checked him saying he was lying. Jimin then said he wanted to be with Jungkook which had JK fuming.

Was he teasing JM when he called him out for lying about his true desires? May be but I think he meant it too. Know what I mean?

He did the same thing when during their Paris VLive, Jimin got nervous when JK was singing 'know you love me boy, so that I love you,' in the background and Tae asked Jimin if he was nervous. Jimin snapped out of whatever whipped trance he was in and asked 'why would I be nervous' or something along those lines.

Why would Tae assume JM was nervous listening to another man sing? And why would Jimin be nervous in the first place?

And if at an interview Jimin is asked, why don't you like listening to the Maknae sing and JM responded that he is cute but he can't sing and Tae says well I think listening to Jk sing makes him nervous- would that be youthful ribbing or tea? Do you see where I'm going with this?

I see Tae as very observant- If not more observant than Jk. Their jokes are punchier because it is rooted in truth. He is stating his opinion, his observations and when he felt JM's answers were dishonest or inconsistent of his general notion of him, he called him out on that.

It's like him saying JM likes to pretend to be drunk in order to tell Tae he loves him- allegedly. Was it funny, yes. Was it a lie? I don't think so.

Jimin likes to pretend, we been knew. His boyfriend don spilled that tea already. I mean Jk said JM faked being asleep when he noticed the cameras filming him. He said also JM knows he is cute so sometimes he intentionally acts cute.

Tae used to tease Jimin a lot- hell he still teases him a lot to this day. Lol. Had Jimin looking at the back of his head like he wanted to quick punch him in the throat in the recent run, chilee. Lmho.

But you gotta ask, where is the lie in all those jokes?

The question I ask myself, and I think we ought to ask ourselves as shippers is, what about Jimin gave Tae that impression of him in the first place?

What made Tae, coming from a culture and background where 'gay' is a taboo and skinship is prevalent assume that if Jimin liked JK then it was because he liked men or was gay?

Even if Tae meant it as a Joke- no one laughed. Lol. That awkward silence that ensued... now that's how you know he had deadass made a 'gay comment' for real. Lmho.

They were all silent, waiting for JM's response and only laughed when JM responded to Tae- isn't that how it usually goes when you are the one queer person at the het dinner table? The tasteless jokes, awkward silences and stares? Just me? Oh, never mind then. Keep reading. Lol.

Imagine if JM hadn't responded or had gay panicked like he did a year before that interview, when RM revealed JK had been sneaking into JM's bed at night?

Dude was legit ready to throw JK under the bus had it not been for the shady camera guy behind the cameras. Deadass, Jimin was pointing accusing fingers at JK and everything- so much for gay love. Lmho.

The question still remains, what makes you look at your heterosexual friend and go- hey, that's gay. Think about it.

If Tae thought Jimin liked men, even as a joke, it's probably because Jimin had been giving him a reason or reasons to believe he actually liked boys beyond the usual daily doze of gay prevalent within K-culture.

It's similar to JK feeling uncomfortable when Jimin in 2014 described their relationship as one between love and friendship. Jimin responding with male friends can love eachother too without being gay would imply JK was interpreting his words and actions towards him as laced with romantic and sexual subtext or intent.

Now why would JK assume this if men touching men and feeling up on eachother in their culture was a normal thing?

There are gay men in Korea you know?

Tae and Kook were both hyper aware and curious of Jimin's sexuality in that period- for different reasons of course. In my opinion.

Not sure if Jimin's androgynous features played a role in these suspicions and assumptions they had of him in the early days because androgynousity in men is often ignorantly profiled and stereotyped as queer.

Tae seemed convinced JM was queer at least and JK was projecting his own queerness on to Jimin a lot- cough, cough.

It seemed to me also that Tae for whatever reason had the impression JM had a thing for him? I'll save my VMin agenda for delulu Fridays but chilee I don't know, Jimin has been on an agenda to friendzone that man since those manly mans thawed off his chest. Lol.

VMIN... ok.

I mean Jimin's response to Tae was more to deflate Tae's ego than to deflect or evade the issue and I wonder why. 'You are so full of yourself' 'I may like men, but I don't like you' and Tae responds with 'really' as if he's been challenged or dared- ever had your straight friends assume you like them just because you are queer?

Anywho, for whatever reason, Jimin seemed to be the only member in the group around the early days whose words and actions were put through the queer litmus test.

Also, I think a distinction ought to be made between calling two same sex friends a couple and calling them gay.

Calling two friends a couple is inconsequential- except when their sexuality is on the line. Calling two same sex friends you know are straight a couple is nothing but a gay joke.

BTS do this all the time. Jimin called Namjin a couple, Tae kook a couple, himself and Suga a couple, himself and JK a couple.

Jk has equally referred to others within the group as a couple, made heart signs above them, and have even held his chest and said he never thought he would fall for a guy.

In none of these instances did he or any of them imply that they or the persons they were referring to were queer or liked men and I wouldn't make much of such comments.

When JK was called out for gifting a present to Jimin and not the others, Tae teased JK as well and his gestures implied to me, 'it's ok to like him, I know you like him, you like JM don't you, uWu' and other variations of these.

But he in no way hinted at the sexuality of JK explicitly or implicitly- not in a way that prompts a response or rebuttal from JK like it did in Jimin's case.

I guess what I'm saying is that, that moment is nothing but something at the same time. You look at Tae's personality and his reputation within the group as the one with no filter who blurts out things that often has BTS running helter skelter- that 'I want to see your children" comment at Festa almost gave RM an aneurysm. Lmho.

Then they had to literally take his mic away from him when he started talking about meeting a pretty chick or something at a fansigns.

You consider the history between him and Jimin, the context behind that comment and the things that was said after that comment- the interviewer said 'well JK is really handsome...' which means he took the 'joke' Tae had made to mean JM had romantic interest in JK- something I feel JM was trying to avoid.

I don't think Tae meant anything by it. I don't think he knew at the time JM was queer but I do believe he suspected he was.

Hope this helps,

Signed,

GOLDY

[hippychick006]

Misha Panel 

I’ve done this summary as it helps to have what Misha actually says to hand as more often than not, his stans misquote him. It’s also useful as Misha often changes things - as he appears to have done between his last virtual panel and this one. Note, I’m only focusing on the key parts where he talks about the show/Jared/Jensen.  It is not free of anti castiel/misha comments where I disagree, though those are few and far between for a change. It’s long so putting under a cut... 

- Misha confirms his filming finished in March prior to Covid [this comes up later in more detail].  Watching the last epiosode was an emotional experience for him.  For him, it represents the end of a chapter of his life. 

- Misha says fandoms not going anywhere [*hisses]

- Misha’s future work/projects?: working on senate race in georgia, publishing a book of poetry, couple of film projects he’s trying to get off the ground, one he’s not acting/directing in, the other he may act and/or direct 

- Jack brought Cass back but we didn’t get to see it, what happened?: different ending originally that Covid restrictions made impossible to produce. Cool ending involved bringing back lots of cast members over the years.  In the original ending, Castiel hadn’t gone to rebuild heaven, there was a different conclusion for him.  Misha purposely did not read the last two episodes before they aired as he wanted to be an audience member. He knew a little about Castiel/Jack’s fate in the abstract, but because he wasn’t in it, he doesn’t know what the answer was. He thinks them rebuilding heaven was less boots on the ground and more at a spiritual level [so he’s talking at the metaphysical/spiritual plane level and not corporeal) so they are everywhere (e.g. in drops of rain as per Jack’s speech to Sam in 19). That’s what I’m understanding at least.  He says that’s pure speculation though.]

- what qualities does castiel have similar to Misha?: there are a lot of similar qualities [backstabber comes immediately to my mind tbh]. Over time he and the character melded. Over time he evolved into something that didn’t quite fit in with either angels or humanity, he felt like an outsider which Misha has felt for much of his life. He became softer, more sensitive, he tried to do the right thing and be a good person. Oh wow, he says that in order to write to play to Misha’s strengths, the character had to “morph a bit”.  I loved bad!ass Castiel, he’s my favourite Castiel!

- What one thing will he take with him from playing Castiel?: on a professional level, it was fascinating to play a character for so many years. He discussed with J2 recently that the characters really became part of them. He doesn’t think that will happen again, just due to length of time the played them. On watching Jensen’s death scene, he cried but it was more “That’s Cass’ friend Dean dying”  It was weird to have a blurring of lines between yourself and your character but he thinks that’s what happened with all of them. He’ll take the character away, which will be a part of him forever. 

- Misha made fortune cookes and put inside lewd and inappropriate fortunes

[I don’t get this next bit as earlier in the panel he says he didn’t read the last two episodes so didn’t know what was going to happen and gave the answer I documented above and now we have this next question where his answer seems to contradict that]:

- Is there anything more he can say about the originally planned finale?:  He doesn’t want to be the one to reveal these state secrets, but what are they going to do, fire him?  He feels someone might have said to him, please don’t reveal what was going to happen, but can’t remember for sure if it’s true. He says there was a version of Sam and Dean’s heaven that was populated with all of the people that were from their past that they have come to love.  They could not do that because of Covid restrictions. 

- Favourite behind the scenes memory of “The boys”: He doesn’t have a favourite memory, they were close friends for 12 years. They had laughing fits and fights and got pissed off at each other. Some of his fondest memories of being at work anywhere were working on Supernatural.  He’s never going to be on a set again where there is so much mirth so he’s going to miss that for sure.

- he’s talking about Castiel’s wardrobe which is actually funny - e.g. original suit 3 sizes to big, sometimes showing blood and holes, sometimes being magically fixed, not wearing a tie, going back to wearing a tie... “Nobody complained about that too much...” [uh because some of us were watching other things and your own stans were looking at the background.]  He stole some trenchcoats and has them in his closet.

- How do you prepare for emotional scenes?: it’s hard for him to get into that emotional state. To prepare for the Castiel’s declaration of love scene and taken by the empty, Misha needs to be off by himself and not chatting with people, so for that scene he sat on his own in a dark corner of the stage and ruminated on his own.  Rob Hayter, stunt coordinator, noticed and stood sentinel and made sure no one disturbed him which Misha said was really sweet.  Everyone stopped fucking around for that scene to allow them to do what they needed to do.

-  How did you feel when you read the script when Castiel dies?: Misha knew for a long time that ending was coming, he’d been speaking to Rob Berens about it, he was really happy with it.  It was the ending he’d wanted for Cass so when he read the script, he was really happy it had made it to the page [i bet it was Misha, how are those destiel sales going through your Stands company?]. It felt it was a little “risky and a little brave” for the show to do [on a fucking network that is number one in Glaad reviews?  Are you being fucking serious right now?] He was happy to be a part of that [again sales] and have that character express love like that so he was happy with it. 

[Okay, so notice in his last virtual panel 2 weeks ago, he was very happy, he’s now starting to do exactly what he did with Karla movie as he goes on to say...]

He’s seen “some people” [you mean lgbtq+ people?!]  “complaining” about this is playing into the “bury the gays” trope which is an insidious and real trope in film and television storytelling in h/w over the years. Misha doesn’t think that’s what was happening with Castiel’s [he died second after the confession MIsha!] First of all Castiel isn’t dead, he’s in heaven working to rebuild it... [you didn’t know this 2 weeks ago, as far as you knew Castiel died and went to the empty].  So much good came from that declaration, because Cass was able to save Dean, which was essential to saving the world, so this declaration wasn’t so then fate strikes you down and you’re done forever. The declaration literally ended up saving the world. It was of Cass’ own volition, he wasn’t forced to do it, it was his choice, and he thinks that’s important, so maybe he’s naieve and doesn’t feel they are playing into that trope. 

[You were absolutely playing into that trope Misha and you didn’t give a shit as you did no research on playing an lgbtq+ character so sincerely fuck off]

He’s glad that Castiel got to express that and have that ending. He thinks thats kind of important and he’s proud the show did that. [again fuck off, this was done for you and it showed]  He thinks its a conversation they will continue to have as they continue to dissect it going forward [nope, consigned to the dumpster fire I’ve put the majority of the rest of Drabbernatural in]

- Do you think you will ever get an SPN tattoo?:  He doesn’t have any but he’s thinking about getting tattoos relating to his children.  Is that a sign of desperation that a true hasbeen will do? Should he get a tattoo of Jared and Jensen’s face.  He could get a tattoo of Castiel’s face on his abdomen.  He’s saying probably not. If they want to get one, totally supportive of that

-  what is his favourite moment of the finale?: Dean’s death scene, masterfully executed, excellent performances from both Jared and Jensen in that scene and made him cry

- best memory of your last day on the supernatural set?: everyone being really sweet, lot of tears from cast and crew. The last scene he shot as Castiel was the last scene of the day on a Friday. Him, Alex, Richard S and Jensen all had to get to Las Vegas for a fan convention the next morning. They shot late and finished at 1.30, it was Cass goodbye and Misha’s goodbye to the show.  He said they had to get a chartered flight because of the early flight [not sure why he’s saying this as I thought it was Jared’s plane they all travelled in?] He’s talking about going back - because of the issue with the plane - and they are all texting family, saying they love them, so it was such a strange night, he’d said goodbye to Supernatural, he said goodbye to Castiel and later on said goodbye to his kids because they thought they were going to die that night. :(

[Going to add that this puts to rest that Misha was due back for 19 and 20 even before covid, it confirms he was not going to be in either episode, though I maintain, they may have shot an extra scene while they had him to slot into 19 or 20]

- do you think Cass and the other angels got their wings back?: Yes, probably, they have Jack who is the new god. What a long and miserable experience that was of not having wings. Cass was so powerful when he started, he could snap his fingers and teleport and time travel and lost that with his broken wings and they didn’t come back. He doesn’t know why they didn’t fix him as Castiel would have been a much more powerful ally if he didn’t have to drive around in the pimp mobile [uh, for the same reason Sam lost his powers, deus ex machina]. He tells the story of Jared pressing buttons in the car causing the hydraulics to fail costing $10000 of repair.

- in your opinion, what colour are Castiels wings?: shit, I don’t know, I always thought they were black, but now that you’ve said that, they are rainbow coloured, how about that?

- What is the worst joke Jared and Jensen did to you?: [*cough fans looking for things to complain about or hate Jared on]: Jared and Jensen, as you know, they are not good people.  He talks about directing an episode and they got excited in the week before, they were going to break into his apartment and steal his furniture, they had all kinds of nefarious plans, the crew tipped him off and told him to watch his home and car keys. They put a fish under the seat in his car and one of the crew told him.  Jared removed the canvas on the director’s chair and laid it across so it looked like it was still the chair. Misha fell for that at least 5 times. That was pretty frustrating. Jared kept messing up his lines (which Misha said Jared never does) and Misha was directing in another room, Misha eventually went to see what the problem was and that’s when Jared pied him in the face. Everyone in the crew was complicit in the “assault”. Jensen brought him another shirt, said, “I’m sorry man, that’s sucks, that was too much.”  Jensen then pied him in the face.

- What is the real story behind the handprint in the finale?: Um I don't know, but I think it was a nice touch, that was a really lovely callback that worked well. I can’t remember how we came up with that, or was it in the script, I can’t remember. Wasn’t it a good callback to the very beginning. [Again, this appears to differ from what was being reported two weeks ago so might need to go back to that panel if I can get access to it]

-What’s your favourite memory from offline/online panels?: It’s much more fun to be live and in person. I don’t know, I have had some really fun... [PANDERING ALERT COMING UP] Jensen and I have some really fun panels together in Rome.  I don’t know why but we always just seem to have a real hoot there, talks about the resume off, they really enjoyed that. He had pizza delivered to a creation panel once.  He talks about the Saturday night special and he can’t wait till they can get back to that. 

[NOTE CYNICAL PART OF THIS IS FOR HIS FANBASE TO ONCE AGAIN CLAMOUR FOR MORE JENMISH PANELS. I DO NOT TRUST THIS MAN AT ALL]

- What was your favourite version of Castiel to play?: he had the most fun playing Lucifer because Mark P had left a great template to play Lucifer [you took the worst parts imo but Mark fucked his character up too]. He enjoyed playing the human parts of Castiel because it was fun to explore how to be human for the first time. Overall, just regular Cass. He wouldn’t have wanted to trade regular Castiel for other iterations. [A great question would be badass Castiel v late season wooby castiel preference]

[captain-aralias]

Trivia Tuesday!!! (The Sweet Fruit of a Palm Tree)

Creators: give a “behind the scenes” look at one of your works. This could be things that got removed or changed, the origins of ideas/details, whatever you like!

tagging some people who might want to share trivia: @sharkmartini @krisrix @annabellelux @llamapyjamas @sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire​ @ninemagicks​ @milo-fanarts​ @carryonvisinata​ @f-ing-ruthless-baz​

(yes, i am on leave from work this week with nothing to do - why do you ask?) 

i have almost 2,000 words of cut scenes from my 3,000 word @goldendayszine zine fic - and those are only the scenes that I saved. there was also an ending from simon’s POV but i think it must have been very similar with different names because it’s not in any of the versions i emailed to people, or my cut scenes doc. 

i have never cut so much. 

some scenes and lines i cut for space; most i cut and re-wrote because they were ruining the mood. in almost all cases the fic is much better without them.

please enjoy if this is the sort of thing you enjoy. i think there are genuinely some interesting choices here! 

cut-cut-cut: 

original title was ‘The British Museum Job’ - which is objectively a better title, but the more the fic was about baz’s mother and how he wanted to date simon, and the less it was about a heist, the less that title fit. so i changed it.

--

in approximate chronological order. bits in bold made it into the original. italics are comments from me. 

--

Snow keeps yawning as I try and show him my favourite parts of London without explaining what I’m doing. He’s not even tired. (We slept in the same room again last night. I know he slept most of the night – I heard him snoring). I’ve already offered to buy him a coffee.  

“Thanks, but I still don’t trust you not to poison it,” he said. Which was hardly romantic.

We walked along Regent Street because I thought he might enjoy the lights. (He didn’t even look at them.) Down through Piccadilly Circus and up Shaftesbury Avenue. I thought about suggesting a show – it would have filled the time perfectly – but that really would have felt like a date. And anyway, he told me he hated musicals before I could buy the tickets.

“If you’re going to do something, you should just do it. Not just sing about it for five minutes.”

reason for cut: 

space. although it’s also unnecessary. 

--

I might even tell him I was kidnapped.

That I was alone underground for weeks. That thinking of him was the only thing that got me through it.

It could be our first really intimate moment.

But before I can do it (not that I was going to do it), Snow strides off. He’s actually weaving through the crowd in the direction of one of the exhibits, his expression purposeful – and I have to grab his hand and pull him back into me.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Snow scowls at me, as though I’m the one being unreasonable. “There’s a vampire here.” I raise my eyebrow. He frowns. “I mean another one. Obviously.”

My gaze follows Snow’s pointing finger towards a man with long dark hair and a well-tailored winter coat. He’s with a brunette woman, leaning against her as they peer into a case of shabtis.

Even from several feet away, I can tell he’s human. They both are. He smells like coffee and steak; she smells like cream.

And next to me Simon Snow smells, as always, like the thing I want to eat most in the world, which at the moment seems to be a bacon sandwich warm enough to melt the butter.

I should have fed before trying to spend the evening with him. Or perhaps I shouldn’t be trying to spend the evening with him at all. I could have done this on my own.

“That’s not a vampire,” I tell Snow, trying to sound bored. “He just looks like me.”

“He was biting that woman’s neck,” Snow insists.

I roll my eyes. (It helps distract me from thinking about how much I’d like to bite his neck).  

“I think he was kissing her, Snow.”

Snow looks dubious. “On the neck?”

“For Crowley’s sake.”

We’ve barely started the Egyptian section, but I don’t want to be here anymore. In the place my mother brought me. Not now that both Snow and I are thinking about how (unlike the poor man Snow was about to assault) I actually am a vampire. One of the creatures who caused my mother’s death.

“Come on,” I say. “Let’s get out of here.”

Mercifully he follows me. He must believe I can identify vampires. Which I think I can, even though I’ve just never tried it before (I can definitely identify people who aren’t vampires). Although he’s still grumbling as we take the stairs back down to the ground floor.

“I don’t think that bloke did look like you.”

“Fine, Snow.”

“He wasn’t even that good looking.”

I don’t react. (Not visibly anyway.)

He says things like this sometimes. It doesn’t mean anything. Objectively, I am good looking and Snow isn’t blind. Of course he noticed. He noticed in the same bored, completely dispassionate way that I’ve noticed that his ex-girlfriend is good looking. She’s gorgeous. Objectively. It doesn’t mean I want to date her.

Snow turning up at my house for Christmas doesn’t mean he wants to spend more time with me.

And this isn’t a date.

But somehow – even though I know that absolutely that none of this means anything – it feels good to hear him give me a compliment. I want him to think I look good – it’s why I wore this suit in the first place. (Yes, all right – it’s for him, not the vampires. I know I’m delusional, but at least I look fucking incredible.)

A moment ago, I was ready to give up. I was ready to go and sit in a coffee shop or an alley somewhere and glare at Snow until I was sure the vampires were done feeding.

But now Snow’s lit another pathetic flame of hope inside me. This might not actually be a date, but I want it to be one.

reason for cut: 

space. but when i went back to re-write it, i also though the mood was wrong. this is quite an antagonistic scene between the two of them. it’s about how simon wants to get on with the job at hand (killing vampires) and it’s about how baz is a vampire, but in a way that baz quite rightly tells us makes him sad. nobody wants that!! so you see i kept simon complimenting baz, but made it into a much more straightforwardly lulzy compliment. i also do not have time to introduce random secondary characters who have no lines. they’re gone. 

--

here’s a slightly different version of the above: 

We’ve barely started the Egyptian section, but I don’t want to be here anymore. On this … whatever-it-is with Snow. I don’t want to be in the place my mother brought me. Not now he has so eagerly reminded me of what I am. A dark creature. One of the monsters who caused my mother’s death.

“Let’s go,” I say. “You’re clearly bored.”

“I’m not bored,” Snow says, although he is at least following me. “I’m concentrating on the mission. I’ve never seen another vampire before. Do you think they’re all fit like the goblins?”

reason for cut:

as above. but it’s getting closer. 

--

originally the shakespeare exhibition was an exhibition on aztecs, because of all the GOLD, you see, and because there was an exhibition about aztecs in the museum at some point. i thought the exhibition could be called - get it - ‘golden days’. i don’t think i ever told milo this idea, but it would have made it into the fic if this had been a movie and no one had to draw attention to the idea. 

--

remember - bold is what i kept in the published draft.

All I need to do is remember a single thing that Snow likes doing and then find a way we can do it together. It can’t be too difficult. We’ve lived together for seven years and I’m obsessed with him. You’d think I’d have a list.

I don’t – but I could make one.

Things I know Simon Snow enjoys, a list:

Food. Which is fine – going to a restaurant is actually a perfectly good date activity, even though I don’t eat in front of other people. We can do it later, but at this point we still have five hours to kill. I don’t think even Snow wants to eat for the next five hours. (Does he?)

Following me around.

Making my life miserable.

Fighting dark creatures.

Going on ridiculous quests for the Mage to retrieve magickal objects and/or fight dark creatures. I don’t get it – Snow seems to almost die every time – but he does seem to enjoy them

Playing football.

Watching football. And other sports. I’ve seen him at a few lacrosse games, but I don’t know whether he actually enjoyed them. It’s possible he felt like he had to watch Wellbelove play

Talking to Bunce and Wellbelove about whatever ridiculous quest they’re currently on. Although, now they’ve broken up (again), perhaps Wellbelove is off the list. But I’m not exactly going to summon Bunce here either. That wouldn’t be a good date.

Video games?

As I’m thinking, we get to the bottom of the stairs and enter the Great Court. I don’t usually spend much time here when I’m visiting the museum – too much sun streaming in through the glass panels in the ceiling – but it’s dark now and artificial light doesn’t bother me.

There’s an exhibition on Aztecs on in the Reading Room space. It’s being advertised on long banners hanging down across the expanse of white space. I’d like to see it – another time.

“What now, then?” Snow says.

I still haven’t worked that out. (The list wasn’t as helpful as I’d hoped.)

reason for cut:

space. this was one of the first things to go. it doesn’t say anything that we don’t already know. i liked the idea of writing a list to be more like rainbow - but like baz i couldn’t think of anything simon liked ... and that was the point! 

--

“What the fuck?” Snow hisses at me as we get in line to pay for tickets. “You can’t do this.”

“It’s research.”

“It’s treason.”

If he asks, I’ll tell him that Shakespeare wrote about vampires in Timon of Athens. (He didn’t - obviously. But the odds of Snow having read that particular play are non-existent) (even I haven’t read it – it’s obscure. Terrible for spellcasting.) I’d tell him that there’s a crucial spell I need to understand before we go and deal with the creatures who killed my mother.

But Snow hasn’t asked. (He probably never asks the Mage why he needed to find the Third Gate or what was so important about all the white hares he was looking for in sixth year. For Snow it’s enough that there’s a job to do and that he can do it – I shouldn’t like that about him, but I do.)

He also isn’t objecting. Well, no – he is objecting, but he isn’t stopping me. He isn’t asking me any questions I can’t answer. He’s going along with it – letting me buy us both tickets for the exhibition and following me into the slightly darker interior of the Reading Room.

“Which one even is the First Folio?” he asks once we’re inside.

“I don’t know. Perhaps the one under the sign that says First Folio?” I say witheringly, although I’m actually delighted. (He’s helping. He’s part of it. This is going to work.)

“Right,” Snow says. “You mean, the one in a massive alarmed case, surrounded by people?”

We’re about three metres away from it. My heart speeds up as I look at the display. I’ve never stolen anything before – there’s a good chance this will go wrong. This is an idiotic idea. But it’s getting me closer to Snow.

Also, although I wouldn’t have chosen to do it this way, I do love the idea of owning a copy of the First Folio. It won’t be useful tonight, but I’m sure I’ll be able to work out something to use it for later.

“So, what’s your brilliant plan?” Snow says. “Hide in a cupboard until everyone’s gone home?”

He’s not being serious, but that probably is the most sensible thing we could do. And we’ve got the time.

But I don’t think I can handle being trapped in a confined space with Simon Snow for minutes, let alone for hours. Even if I hadn’t recently been trapped in a coffin for weeks.

He smells far too good for that.

“We’re magicians,” I tell him, remembering to sneer. “One of us is, anyway. I can do this in broad daylight without anyone noticing. All I need is a distraction – that’s your job.”

“What kind of distraction?” Snow asks.

“Collapse,” I suggest. “Start shouting about colonial theft, whatever appeals to you. Just as long as everyone turns to look at you. I’ll even cast, Your attention please.  Then I’ll take the book while everyone’s looking at you. I can cast a silencing spell on the alarm.”

“What about the cameras?” Snow asks.

I don’t want to tell him I’d forgotten the cameras.

“And I’ll cast Nothing to see here on myself,” I say smoothly – although I have no idea whether the spell works on technology. It’s not something we covered at Watford, a school where technology is banned. (I really hope my attempt to bond with Snow isn’t going to result in me being arrested. Think what my father would say when I had to explain myself.)  

“Penny usually uses Through a glass darkly,” Snow says. I shrug – I don’t know that spell.

“What’re you’re going to do when they find the book’s missing?” Snow prompts.

“Walk quickly. The attention spell won’t wear off before we leave the Museum.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t count on that,” Snow says.

“What do you suggest then?”

“Spelling something to look like the book we’re nicking and leaving it in the case.”

He’s right – spells last longer if they have something physical to catch hold of. The attention spell will eventually wear off, but a transfiguration spell could last years without anyone noticing.

I’m grudgingly impressed. (And also increasingly alarmed about the kinds of things that Snow and Bunce have been up to. How many of our national treasures are carefully spelled replicas?)  

reason for cut:

this isn’t really cut - it’s just re-written. again, the mood is wrong in this version. simon is angry not flirty. the timon of athens bit is cut for space - it’s the kind of pointless baz ramble about magic that i’d include if time wasn’t an issue. 

you can see the seeds of what was eventually printed here - baz has never stolen anything, simon’s stolen lots of things and is competent at it. there’s the idea of the distraction - although i like it better when simon comes up with that one too. 

the real thing is much better though, right? i think i cracked it when i realised i didn’t have to play ‘you cant do that’ straight - because baz is right: simon enjoys this shit. 

--

these are bits and pieces of the above that don’t fit into a wider narrative:

There are tourists surrounding the case right now. And at least one security guard. My Nothing to see here is good, but it seems foolhardy to rely on it entirely. It works best when the person being distracted doesn’t want to see what’s happening. (It only sometimes works on Snow, for example.) It might not work on the security guards.

and another one:

I try not to smirk too broadly. “Right, then. Do something distracting. I’ll be back in a minute.”

I cast Nothing to see here on myself and take a few steps towards the case. My heart is beating wildly. The tourists surrounding it are definitely not looking at me. manage to take a few steps before Snow catches up with me. Taking my shoulders and steering me off towards a completely different case full of Tudor props.

“What is it, Snow? Couldn’t think of anything?”

His arm is still around my shoulders, drawing me in. Frankly I’m struggling to

“Sorry, was that really your entire plan?”

--

“Perhaps I’ll think about bringing them back after the British return the artefacts they stole from the rest the world.” I nod towards the nearest case. “My great-great grandfather hasn’t been back in Egyptian soil for hundreds of years. They wouldn’t even let us take him back to be buried in Pitch Manor.”

“Your––” Simon starts, and then he stops, frowning, as he presumably remembers that I am of Egyptian descent. “That’s not your grandfather,” he says – but he isn’t certain.    

“Didn’t I tell you I’m descended from royalty?” I say archly, which is enough to make Simon laugh. He presses his face into my neck, which I love.

“It was definitely implied.”

“That’s what my mother told me anyway,” I concede.

“I think she might have been having you on.”

(missing some thoughts here)

“It’s one of my clearest memories of her

“I’ll bring the books back,” I tell him. “I only took them in the first place to get your attention.”

Simon smiles at me in the reflection in the glass cabinet, his face superimposed over the golden burial mask below. I can see his chin hooked over my shoulder and his arms wrapped around my waist.

“Well. It worked,” he points out.

reason for cut:

again - space! i was right at the end and i knew i was running out of words. but i also think that being forced to cut the royalty joke which i hung onto for some time through several drafts was good for the fic. we dont need baz talking about the sarcophagus - we were there, we already read it at the beginning. 

the thing with the eyebrows that simon says in the published draft doesn’t quite work still, but what it does is kick us back to the memory (are they related? yes - we know they aren’t) in the same way that baz is doing actively in this draft. 

and what you see in the published version is that the point of the fic is (as we see here) that simon and baz are happy in the future, but also it’s that baz can talk to simon about his mother and... about the british museum. so the emphasis isn’t quite right if we end with ‘well it worked’. 

the emphasis should be on baz’s mother. i’m trying to get at it in this draft, but it’s in the middle rather than the end - shift the mother stuff/museum stuff to the final line, and bob’s your uncle. 

--

here’s the real thing: The sweet fruit of a palm tree 

[love-takes-work]

The Tale of Steven - Outline & Review

The Tale of Steven is a wonderful, timeless-feeling storybook about identity, authority, and finding your own way. It's got an innovative design that requires the reader to turn the book upside-down, sideways, and right-side-up to get the whole story, sometimes all on the same spread of art and text, and as we come to find out ultimately, this "tale of Steven" really is STEVEN'S story.

We begin with White Diamond, matriarch of the Gem homeworld, setting the stage--and not only does she frame the other Diamonds uncharitably (especially the littlest Diamond, Pink), she even sets the tone by admonishing THE READER straight away, scolding us to turn the book her way to read her words. (We must turn the book upside-down to read her perspective. Very nice.)

As we listen to White Diamond tell us how ridiculous Pink Diamond is and frame her as "impossible to understand," we also see exactly why Pink felt driven to leave her home. White apparently appointed herself the authority on keeping Pink in her place, and we're treated to White's huge pale hands holding little Pink Diamond in her tiny pink throne, “right”-side-up. White's perspective is proper, and she is to be praised, you see, for understanding that Pink's desires and attributes are not worthwhile and need to be forced out of her. Pink is shown as having run away to Earth and reinventing herself as a new Gem: Rose Quartz. Suddenly, we are able to turn the book sideways and see what she's thinking too. (White does NOT approve.)

The Earth, where Rose Quartz is allowed to love herself and love her surroundings, is simultaneously called "grotesque" by White, and we're seeing the same planet through two sets of eyes. White sees Rose as "stubborn" and "absurd," while Rose just gives us an aside about not listening to White if we don't want to and giving us a choice to read the book her way. As Rose continues to depict rainbows and falling in love with a human--Greg Universe--White is getting angrier. She shrieks, "You're ruining my story!" Rose, rightly, replies, "This isn't your story."

Soon, Rose has bequeathed her Gem--the center of her being--to her half-human son, Steven, with the consequence of ceasing to be herself. Baby Steven appears with his father and Rose Quartz's three companions--Amethyst, Garnet, and Pearl. White Diamond finally abandons trying to narrate this story, escaping with a vindictive comment and an attempt to frame Rose as simply Pink Diamond hiding "inside an unwitting creature." Rose's perspective expresses that she wanted her son to experience the love and acceptance she never received. And then, Steven's perspective pops onto the scene. We can now turn the book fully right-side-up to read his tale.

As the story slides fully into Steven's perspective, Rose's hopes for him still line up on the sides of the pages, longing for him to experience kindness, to never know the awfulness she went through on Homeworld, to never have to feel the criticism issued by the other Diamonds, and to be able to tell his own story one day. Steven reflects on Rose's influence on his life, how he's heard about her and the more truth he's discovered the more everything frightens him. There are many perspectives, he recognizes. Perhaps there is more than one way to read the story.

White's perspective, upside-down now, returns alongside all this. She suggests "Pink" has come crawling back to turn the world the "right" way again, and she's puzzled by Steven's appearance, but she's determined to rescue Pink from herself by separating Steven from his Gem. Meanwhile, Steven's been wondering what his relationship is to Pink and Rose--is she inside him? Is he actually her? What's real?

But they all learn the truth when Steven's Gem reveals that he was also Steven inside there. All along, he was himself and no one else. This is, and has always been, his story, and he has been right about who he is.

Several wordless frames depict Steven's two aspects finding each other, reconnecting, and becoming one again. Newly confident in who he is and having asserted as much in the face of crushing authority, Steven declares, "This way feels right to me." The orientation of the book AND the definition of himself are the focus here, and for the first time, White begins to consider that her perspective was the wrong side up in someone else's story.

Steven closes by claiming the book as his own (writing his own name in the "This Book Belongs To" space, which is superimposed over a Diamond Authority symbol with the Pink Diamond on top instead of on the bottom). The end dedication is made out "To Trans & Gender-Expansive Kids."

To reflect on this sentiment and the rest of the book, I will say that a large portion of the Steven Universe fandom already recognized some threads of a trans allegory in the animation this is based on. Steven, though he is not specifically depicted as a confirmed trans character in the show, does not demonstrate or seem to experience toxic masculinity in association with his quest to be powerful, and has no qualms about using symbolism, iconography, and apparel that is more commonly associated in today's Western society with women and girls (e.g., the color pink, flower symbolism, protective and defensive rather than aggressive and offensive behaviors, wearing jewelry and dresses occasionally without it being a gag). His assertion that he is Steven and not Pink Diamond or Rose Quartz has many parallels with a common trans narrative--including pronouns that the Diamonds refused to respect--even though it is also its own thing since human beings do not have to defend that they are not literally their mother. 

They do, however, frequently struggle with authorities in their lives "correcting" them on who and what they are "for their own good," brushing off the seriousness of the misery it causes, and these children do find themselves forced to wear clothes, use names, and adhere to roles that do not match who they are. They even sometimes hear authorities mourn the "loss" of a different-gender version of them and accuse the child of being selfish for wanting to manifest their truth instead of being the son or daughter the parent thought they had.

It is my deepest hope that authorities like this can learn to turn the book around.

It is so important for children to learn that they ARE the authority on their identity, and while some well-meaning authorities in their lives may frame their identity as a phase or a fake, they do not have to accept this view of the world, or even that it comes from a loving place. White Diamond did not sound like a stern but caring figure to me. She sounded like a tyrant who is convinced of her own correctness, determined to gaslight and shame Pink Diamond into becoming the person SHE wanted. Love is listening. Love is nurturing. Love is seeing pleasure and pain and letting those things guide you in supporting a happy existence. Kids whose gender is complicated and young people who develop misunderstood identities need books like this to center them in their own stories and empower them to show others how to read their book.

Except for the section of the book where Steven's organic self and Gem self are separated and re-combine, the message is solid for readers who have not watched the show. But because of how important that wordless series of panels is and how much background you actually have to have to understand what's happening there, I recommend this book primarily for fans of the show who have seen "Change Your Mind" and the episodes that support it. The other depictions are more powerful and illuminating for those who have context from the show also, but the main purpose of the book can be readily understood without that background. 

If you haven't seen the show, all you need to know is that Steven is a hybrid Gem/human who has a gemstone in his human body, and it gives him superhuman powers. Gem characters generate a body from their Gem, while Steven's body is organic and presumably NOT generated from the Gem. White Diamond removed Steven's Gem from his belly, expecting Pink Diamond to take form out of the Gem. She thought his organic half was just a human that the Gem was stuck in. But instead, a Pink Steven emerged and went back to his organic self to merge again, proving that he is Steven, not someone else, through and through. And he truly loves and knows himself.

A couple other notes fans of the show might enjoy: White Diamond's hypothesis that Pink Diamond was "hiding in an unwitting creature" is really interesting--she knew what Steven was but believed he was just a normal human hosting a Gem. Interesting. White's disdain toward Yellow and Blue for "spoiling" Pink is an interesting addition to what we know about her, too. Pink is pictured standing on her hands on her throne, upside-down, which is interesting since it's both "silly" and an expression of her right-side-up perspective (since, when we obey White, we're reading the book upside-down!). White's commentary that she kept Pink in line is also interesting, considering we've seen way more of how Yellow and Blue treated her and none of that was very nice either (yet they're the "nice" ones in this story, indulging her even though we know they abused her). There's a really cute image of Rose lounging on the beach with Greg in what looks like a swimsuit. Connie is in a frame with the Gems looking through a telescope. And there's a frame with Garnet holding pink and blue butterflies.

Inventive, beautiful, moving, and so necessary. Buy a copy. Let kids turn the book around.

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

[mobius-prime]

279. Sonic the Hedgehog #202

Dangerous Territory

Writer: Ian Flynn Pencils: Steven Butler Colors: Matt Herms

As Sonic and Monkey Khan make their way towards New Megaopolis, Sonic questions Khan on a few things, trying to get some details straight. Conveniently for us, he didn't pay attention at all to Khan's explanation of the situation to Sally, meaning that Khan gets to dump some good old-fashioned exposition on us throughout the issue. Just as they hit the city limits, they're attacked by a few members of the Dark Egg Legion, and Sonic questions why the Legion would bother remaining loyal to the new regime now that Eggman no longer has a stranglehold over them. Lien-Da appears and gloats that she refuses to ally herself with Knuckles, as though that would be her only other option in this world, before unexpectedly calling her troops back. Then, she calls in someone new.

So, remember these guys? They were mentioned in passing last issue, but you might recall their first appearance being all the way back in SSS#8, when Monkey Khan went up against them - a clan of bat ninjas, who used to be an ordinary band of thieves until the Iron Queen came along and killed their leader, the Bride of Rich Nights. This led to an immediate transference of power, and now they serve the Iron Dominion, along with the other three major clans as hinted at in the last issue. Khan hopes that no one else will show up as backup, but his hopes are dashed when the Iron King himself arrives for some fun.

They decide on a head-on assault against the Iron King, which seems utterly idiotic considering they literally just discussed how he's essentially invulnerable, and predictably get thrown back. Things seem to look up suddenly as Espio arrives on the scene, but unfortunately for Sonic, he didn't get to witness last issue's backup story…

As Sonic deals with Espio, whom he's initially certain is under some form of mind control, Khan fights against Lightning, who brags that he's regained his honor and place in the "Raiju Clan" under the Bride of the Conquering Storm. I will say that though this whole era isn't my favorite, I do appreciate the obvious effort that Ian has put into the worldbuilding here. Most of it is revealed through action rather than bland exposition, and it's quite well developed, if you ask me. The vast majority of the action of the comic has taken place in North America (or its equivalent, anyway), with occasional forays into South America, Europe, and of course Australia. Africa still remains relatively ignored for now, but we're finally getting some more substantial insight into the cultures that inhabit Asia in this universe, beyond the vaguely Chinese-esque villages we've seen here and there thus far.

Anyway, Sonic and Khan realize pretty quickly that they're vastly outnumbered, so Sonic pulls the "Sally said this was a recon-only mission" card to get out of having to admit he was wrong about this being an easy win, and he and Khan get ready to make a speedy exit.

The Iron King orders that they be let go against Lien-Da's wishes, as he's the "let my beaten enemies run and tell everyone else how powerful and terrifying I am" type. Sonic runs and tells, all right, though with substantially less fear than the Iron King might have liked, informing Elias, Sally, and Knuckles of what he and Khan found. Knuckles is particularly perturbed at Sonic's report, since he was under the impression all these years that Espio was native to the Rainbow Valley on Angel Island, not some sleeper agent from a secret ninja clan in the East. I suppose he never stopped to consider just how obviously Japanese Espio is, huh? Never stopped by your buddy's house in New Mobotropolis, Knux ol' boy? Granted, those details only began to be included in his characterization in this universe after Sonic Heroes came out, but still. Sally notices Khan brooding in the back of the room, and goes to try to reassure him, and they have a Moment™ where they insist the other call them by their first name instead of by titles. Ken Khan, even in the midst of your angst, you still have eyes for Sally, huh? However, his mood doesn't improve, as he mutters to himself about how this is just another failure under his belt and he's turned out to be a pretty terrible king. At this point, the ending text of the story basically goes "WHAAAT?! MONKEY KHAN IS A KING?! WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING?!" but like, this isn't a new plot point by any means. In StH#60, the very same issue that originally introduced the Iron King and Queen, one of the characters explicitly states that there's some ancient prophecy about a monkey king and Ken Khan is clearly it. I suppose I had just assumed that he'd taken up that mantle at some point in his long absence, but maybe Ian is just banking on everyone having either forgotten or never read that old issue in the first place.

A Lonely Girl's Story

Writer: Ian Flynn Pencils: Jamal Peppers Colors: Matt Herms

So if there's any character who's seriously in need of some backstory right about now, it's the Iron Queen herself. That night while she and Snively are lounging around in her bed (…ahem), he asks her about her past, and though she's not happy about the subject she concedes to tell him her life's story. She was born into a cult of technomages in an Overlander city called Megacentral (…is it just me, or do all Overlander cities in this comic have really stupid names?), and grew up learning how to control electronics with her mind.

Honestly, I'm not sure what purpose this brief panel of Jules and Uncle Chuck chasing her down serves, as all it does is appear to make them out to be the bad guys. I mean, at this point in her backstory she's actually quite a sympathetic character, having been totally wronged by society for something she never had a choice in. Regardless, years of living on the run and looking after herself hardened her heart, and she became vengeful, vowing that the cult would live on through her (the implication being that every other member was executed) and she would rule the world with her power. She eventually happened upon the Dragon Kingdom and decided this was the perfect place to seek the power she wanted, and pledged her allegiance to the local warlord Jun Kun, who is, of course, the Iron King. Snively asks for more of the story, such as how she and Jun Kun ended up married and working for Eggman as regional sub-bosses, but the Iron Queen claims she's too tired to want to continue the story, and they go to sleep for the night. Man, poor Iron Queen. I mean, at this point she's an insane megalomaniac, but she really did not deserve the crap that happened to her - she likely wouldn't even be a power-hungry dictator if it wasn't for the cult disaster.

[ygobigbang-archive]

Fic summaries - YGO Big Bang 2020

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Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters

DM1 Pairings: Puzzleshipping, hints of Puppyshipping and Angstshipping Characters:  Atem, Yuugi Mutou, Seto Kaiba, the rest of Yuugi's squad, Ishtars Content Warnings: Mental disorders; Self-Harm; Suicide attempt; Hallucinations; Light gore; Throwing up; Sexual assault Summary:  Triggered by the last wordless encounter after enduring months in his own personal hell without Atem, Yuugi decides that he is ready to give up. His mental stability continues to deteriorate, and even the care of his friends can not make him feel any better. When his grandfather’s health is teetering on a knife’s edge, Yuugi, trapped in his own delusional mind, makes an important decision that might change his life forever. Meanwhile, Seto made his way to the afterlife to challenge the ancient Pharaoh, not expecting the imminent appearance of a god to ask him for a special kind of duel with life-threatening consequences. Losing it would mean losing everything. Could this duel be Atem’s only way out of the afterlife? And what if he is too late to save his aibou? Rating: Mature Art needed: + 2 (two) completed art work OR 3-5 (three to five) panel complete art comic

DM2 Pairings:  Seto Kaiba/Yuugi Mutou/Yami Yuugi (Atem) Characters:  Seto Kaiba, Yuugi Mutou, Yami Yuugi (Atem), Joey Wheeler, Ryou Bakura, Tea Gardner, Marik Ishtar, Ishizu Ishtar Content Warnings:    Depression, Major Character Death, blood, graphic violence, dark themes, Smut, grieving, horror Summary:  After Mokuba's death, Yuugi and Seto’s lives slowly fall apart. In order to salvage any part of it, Yuugi decides to buy an old manor in a small town a few miles from Domino City. It’s haunting-free (Ryou and Yuugi checked) and is ripe to be turned into a cozy bed and breakfast. 

However, soon after settling in, strange occurrences begin to happen all around them. Items go missing, dishes move on their own, and Seto seems to be hallucinating about hands and… rats? Maybe moving into a seemingly perfect home in the midst of a strange town wasn’t the best decision Yuugi's ever made... Nor the decision to let whatever is in their home actually connect with them. Rating: Explicit Art needed: + 2 (two) completed art work OR 3-5 (three to five) panel complete art comic

DM3 Pairings:  Tendershipping Characters:  Ryou Bakura, Yami Bakura Content Warnings: Mild horror themes, Shadow Magic, Shadow Games, canon-typical injury and violence, chain, drinking games, frotting, blow jobs, anal sex, happy ending Summary:  The gods rescue Bakura's soul from the Shadow Realm before Zorc manages to consume that last of his being; however, there isn't enough of his soul left for Judgement. They decide to return his soul to earth to see if he can learn to love, but need someone strong enough to look after him so Zorc doesn't recapture him. The god Set has the perfect candidate, and the perfect plan. Rating: Explicit Art needed: + 1 (one) completed art work OR 3 (three) panel greyscale sketched comic +  1 (one) coloured sketch OR 1 (one) greyscale line art OR 1 (one) graphic banner OR 3-5 (three to five) panel inked comic OR 5 (five) panel coloured sketch comic

DM4 Pairings: N/A Characters:  Main cast Content Warnings: N/A Summary:  People grow up. Sometimes they grow together, sometimes they grow apart. The gang deals with some of the consequences of growing older as graduation looms ahead of them. Rating: Gen Art needed: + 1 (one) completed art work OR 3 (three) panel greyscale sketched comic

DM5 Pairings:  Platonic Wishshipping (Joey Wheeler and Yugi Muto) Characters:  Yugi Muto - Joey Wheeler - Yami Yugi - Tristan Taylor - Solomon Muto - Ushio - Hirutani Content Warnings: Violence - drugging - kidnapping - strong language - possession Summary:  Joey Wheeler has been a knight for a long time, working himself up the ranks. He's looked out for himself, and made a few enemies along the way.  But a wrench is thrown in the works, as he meets a bright-eyed sorcerer named Yugi, and finds himself quickly becoming attached and even becoming friends. Or a fantasy Yugioh au showing the friendship between Joey and Yugi Rating: Teen Art needed: + 1 (one) completed art work OR 3 (three) panel greyscale sketched comic

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX

GX1 Pairings: Jesse Anderson/Johan Andersen x Yubel/Hell Johan Characters: Jaden Yuki/Judai Yuki, Jesse Anderson/Johan Andersen, Yubel/Hell Johan, Sheppard/Samejima + Fonda Fontaine/Emi Ayukawa (last two very minor) Content Warnings: the fic itself is extremely angsty and gorey. it will have multiple triggers so please, PLEASE be weary of what you're getting yourself into. cannibalism, rape, and torture with a sad ending as a small tldr. gore artist bait   Summary: He never asked for consent. Never bothered to care. And now, fusing would solve all their problems to make their story a happy-ever-after. Simple, and so very, very easy. Or maybe it would all take a little more realistic approach. Rating: Explicit Art needed: + 1 (one) completed art work OR 3 (three) panel greyscale sketched comic + 10 (ten) 100x100 icons OR 1 (one) moodboard OR 1 (one) greyscale sketch OR 3-5 (three to five) panel coloured sketch comic      GX2 Pairings: N/A Characters: Sho Marufuji, Ryou Marufuji, Kenta, Katsuya Jonouchi, Ryou Bakura, Mai Kujaku, Marik Ishtar, Rishid Ishtar, Seto Kaiba, Daichi Misawa, Cronos de Medici, Judai Yuki, Jun Manjoume, Original Character(s) Content Warnings: N/A Summary: In his last year of middle school, Sho is forced to confront his future while he navigates tumultuous relationships with his friends, family, and a particular card that his brother gave him. Rating: Teen Art needed: + 1 (one) completed art work OR 3 (three) panel greyscale sketched comic + 10 (ten) 100x100 icons OR 1 (one) moodboard OR 1 (one) greyscale sketch OR 3-5 (three to five) panel coloured sketch comic GX3 Pairings: Spiritshipping Characters: Jaden Yuki, Jesse Anderson, Syrus Truesdale, Zane Truesdale, Aster Phoenix, Alexis Rhodes, Atticus Rhodes, Jim Crocodile Cook, Shirley, Tyranno Hassleberry, Bastion Misawa, Dr. Crowler, Sheppard, Thalonious Viper, Yubel, Neos, Rainbow Dragon Content Warnings: Initial amnesiac protag, slow burn, destiny stuff, good vs evil, Jaden and Jesse being adorable, Jesse is constantly yet subtly flirting, Crowler is such a dad, a little Rhodes family angst, bamf!Alexis, bamf!Chazz, Jaden is literally such a dork, they're all just a dysfunctional family, love, somewhat fantasy au, blood, violence, kidnapping, dubverse, half blind Jim, nobody's having any fun Summary: Born from the power of the celestials that dwell among the stars, Jaden Yuki awakens in the kingdom of the ninth dimension with no memory of himself or his past. 

Unsure of who he is or the grand purpose he was created for, Jaden must travel through the twelve dimensions to discover his true identity and uncover his destiny. Meeting many allies along the way he must brave the cruel nature of the hands of fate and defeat the ultimate evil before the universe itself is brought to an end. Even if it means destroying himself in the process. Rating: Mature Art needed: + 2 (two) completed art work OR 3-5 (three to five) panel complete art comic    

Yu-Gi-Oh! ZEXAL

ZEXAL1 Pairings: Mizael/Kaito Characters: Kaito Tenjo, Akari Tsukumo, Mizael, Orbital 7 Content Warnings: Musicals, Theatre, Blackmail, Double identities (Kaito pretends to be a world famous actress), fluff, humor Summary: Threatened with an unsavory article about his escapades with Yuma and friends, Kaito is forced to stage a musical for all of Heartland to see. 

Unfortunately, the only musical he knows is ‘Manhattan Sweep,’ a story about a southern belle going up to the big city. The requirements of the deal also states that he has to play the lead role. With some thinking, Kaito announces that a foreign actress by the name of Arabella Kelinski will be taking the role of the titular protagonist. 

The thing is, though, Arabella doesn’t exist.

Yet. 

Join him on his adventures as a budding musical director, actress and singer, all rolled into one. Rating: Teen Art needed: + 1 (one) completed art work OR 3 (three) panel greyscale sketched comic

Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V

ARCV1 Pairings: Marufuji Ryou x Mizael Characters: Marufuji Ryou, Mizael, Yuuri, Chris Arclight Content Warnings: People getting carded, characters of Zexal & GX who weren't in Arc-V doing things in Arc-V Summary: Losing a duel always has sparked changes for Marufuji Ryou.  Doing so against one of the Heartland City resistance duelists isn't any different at all.   Rating: Gen Art needed: + 2 (two) completed art work OR 3-5 (three to five) panel complete art comic    

Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS

VRAINS1 Pairings: Slight Datastormshipping, Implied Aiballshipping, Platonic Piushipping Characters: Ryoken Kogami, Yusaku Fujiki, Ai, Roboppy, Spectre, Shoichi Kusanagi Content Warnings: Contains abuse in a flashback scene and also some violence in the climax Summary: Yusaku has fallen into a coma due to a virus he got inflicted while he was in Link VRAINS, so Ryoken, along with Spectre, (And Ai and Roboppy who followed them because they want to save Yusaku), goes inside Yusaku’s server to find the virus and remove it, but what if they have stumbled upon Yusaku’s memories before the Lost Incident and see how Yusaku’s life was before their very eyes? Rating: Mature Art needed: + 1 (one) completed art work OR 3 (three) panel greyscale sketched comic VRAINS2 Pairings: Yusaku Fujiki/Ryoken Kogami Characters: Yusaku Fujiki, Ryoken Kogami, Takeru Homura, Kengo Dojun, Ema Bessho, Spectre, Kusanagi Shoichi, Aoi Zaizen, Miyu Sugisaki, Kiku Kamishirakawa, Kusanagi Jin, Minor Characters. Content Warnings: Major Character Death, Blood, Injury, Poison, Sex Scenes, Alcohol Mention, Gore. Summary: Yusaku, an Elven witch who has been researching the dark art of arcane magics, has his way of life suddenly challenged when he meets a dangerous, nearly fatally injured Dragon in his human form by the name of Ryoken.  

Yusaku, ridden with a kind heart, is unable to turn the dying creature into the Hunters that are searching for him to kill him.  Instead, Yusaku decides to help Ryoken, who then enlightens Yusaku to a realm of Magic that Yusaku has never seen before.  Yusaku’s heart grows fonder for Ryoken, leading them down a dangerous path of forbidden love that threatens both of their lives. Rating: Explicit Art needed: + 2 (two) completed art work OR 3-5 (three to five) panel complete art comic    

Yu-Gi-Oh! Only Crossover

YGOX1 Series:  Zexal with a touch of 5D's Pairings: N/A Characters: Barians, Yuma, Astral, most of Zexal II characters, Crimson Dragon, Signer Dragons, Past Lives of Signers Content Warnings: graphic description of transformation and characker deaths (temporary) Summary: With the change of one past life, everything changes and now the Seven Barian Emperors consist of six Barians and one dragon. Rating: Gen Art needed: + 1 (one) completed art work OR 3 (three) panel greyscale sketched comic + 10 (ten) 100x100 icons OR 1 (one) moodboard OR 1 (one) greyscale sketch OR 3-5 (three to five) panel coloured sketch comic

YGOX2 Series:  Zexal/Arc-V Pairings: Zexal II/Hope Zexal, Zexal II/Vector Characters: Zexal II, Hope Zexal, Yuya Sakaki, Yuto, Yugo, Yuri, Zexal III, Dark Zexal, Zexal, Vector, E'rah, Thomas Arclight, Zarc, Eve Content Warnings: None exactly Summary: “There are beings in this world simply called Magic Girls and Boys. Normal people don’t know much about them, and only see them as protectors of the city, if they even know of them at all. Who they are is unknown, and some wonder if they take up rolls as normal citizens, while hiding their activities from the eye of the common man.”   --- Saaka and Fuusa are seen as nothing more than average high school students, but at night they watch over their city as the Magic Girls Second and Fourth. Follow their story as they take on the ancient Goddess E'Rah, the defunct Puppeteer IV, Vector, who obsessives over Second, Eve the illness stricken time traveler, and The Supreme King - Zarc. Along the way they also get some help from Magic Boys in training Yuya, Yuto, Yugo and Yuri who they team up with to protect the City of Heartland. Rating: Teen Art needed: + 2 (two) completed art work OR 3-5 (three to five) panel complete art comic    

Crossover

XOVER1 Series: YGO DM/Revolutionary Girl Utena Pairings: Yami Yugi/Atem/Yugi, Anthy/Utena, Thief  King Bakura/ Mahado Characters: Yami Yugi, Atem, Yugi, Anthy, Thief King Bakura, Mahado, Seto, Dartz, Akio Content Warnings: Major character death, rape (discussed & implied), Incest (implied) Summary: Yami is a young knight of the rose order, who’s kingdom is preparing it’s forces to take down the wicked king of Esmia.  But there are more sinister forces at work and the honorable knight might find that things are definitely not what they seem… takes 9 years after The Witch King. A fantasy AU that's a sequel for the story I did last year; includes dragons, magic, transformations, and love triangles that end in a threesome. Rating: Teen with discussions of serious  topics Art needed: + 1 (one) completed art work OR 3 (three) panel greyscale sketched comic + 1 (one) coloured sketch OR 1 (one) greyscale line art OR 1 (one) graphic banner OR 3-5 (three to five) panel inked comic OR 5 (five) panel coloured sketch comic

[lothiriel84]

Welcome to the Sun

There’s an open horizon before us There is a rainbow under my eyes The detector reads low radiation And you’re fearless to rise till you’re high

A The Bunker ficlet. Tom & Dave friendship, with background (referenced) David/Dave.

Out of the ten of them, Charlie was the only one who knew how to cut hair properly. When he perished in a plague victim attack, Alex had to step into his shoes, and he was fine, mostly, even though David for one resorted to shearing his own hair himself, with mixed results at best.

In the end, it was just the three of them, and they somehow settled into the established routine of Dave being the only one allowed to hold a pair of scissors that close to David’s face – something to do with Tom ‘snipping off too loudly’, among other things, as they gathered eventually – while Tom took care of Dave’s periodic haircuts. As for Tom himself, he’d long since stopped complying with the standard company-approved hair length, which meant he only required the occasional trim, and even then, he was more than happy to do by himself.

Dave’s hair was auburn and naturally wavy, which in many ways made Tom’s job harder, but he was still proud of his own handiwork. And unlike David, Dave was perfectly capable of sitting still without unnecessary complaints, and was gracious enough to thank him afterwards.

“You sure you don’t want me to return the favour?” Dave offered, even as he studied his own reflection in the mirror. “I don’t mind, honest.”

“Nah, I’m good,” he shrugged, sweeping up the hair cuttings from the floor. David was very peculiar about leaving everything clean and tidy after a haircut, even more so when he was in no way involved in the process.

“Suit yourself,” Dave acquiesced, tapping at the packet of cigarettes he always kept on his person. “Cigarette?”

“God, yes,” he accepted, eagerly. “Cheers, man.”

“Let’s get some fresh air, yeah?”

As they climbed past the Stones of the Deceased they paused, as if by common accord. “To our colleagues and friends,” Dave uttered, raising his unlit cigarette in mock salute. “May the contaminated ground of the Wasteland rest lightly upon you.”

“Amen,” Tom nodded, and followed him up the ladder. As they emerged from the rooftop hatch, they were greeted by the jarringly familiar breeze that tasted ever so slightly metallic; no welcoming hail of bullets from their friendly scavenging neighbours, no crawling monstrosity in sight for miles.

He patted his pockets for his dodgy lighter, only took four tries to light both of their cigarettes. “This is the life, man,” he laughed, stretching his limbs towards the unforgiving heat of the winter sun. “Should’ve brought a couple of beers with us.”

“There are only half a dozen left,” Dave exhaled with a puff of smoke, his head a shock of fiery curls in full sunlight. “And you know how David gets when we start drinking without him.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, going for the diplomatic approach. David was a bloody nightmare when they crossed him, which seemed to be happening more and more frequently those days.

However awful their current conditions, it was still better than total oblivion, or that’s what he used to say in the early days after the Big Headache. Now, with several decades gone by with nothing to show but a collection of new stones adorning their welcome mat, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

“David and I had sex two weeks ago,” Dave dropped the bombshell out of nowhere, his tone conversational, almost unnaturally so. “We might, again, at some point. I trust that won’t to be a problem?”

At a loss as how to react to such a casual announcement, completely devoid of any meaning or context, his attention focussed on such insignificant detail as the peculiar way Dave’s fingers flexed every time he was about to flick his cigarette. “I don’t – I mean – why?”

Dave stared back at him, his stance now somewhere between defiant and defensive. “You mean, why would I sleep with him, or why would it be a problem?”

“Why are you telling me?”

A shrug. “We’re stuck down there together, the three of us, whether we like it or not. There’s hardly much room for secrets when you’ll be sharing the same living space for gods know how long.”

“Right. Got it. It’s all cool, man. Honest.”

“God,” Dave rolled his eyes, and took another drag. “You sound just like David.”

“Look, I won’t pretend I understand whatever’s going on with you and David. If you’re happy then I’m happy, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Ha,” Dave shot back, clearly unwilling to elaborate any further. “That’s a good one.”

“If you ever need to talk,” he started, somewhat uncomfortably, only to be immediately cut off by Dave.

“I’m good. But thanks, anyway.”

They went back to smoking in silence, their cigarettes smouldering as the wind picked up. “Right. That’s enough radiation exposure for one day, I think,” Dave declared at length, stubbing out the butt against one of the supports holding the solar panels in place.

Tom dithered, taking plenty of time to crush what was left of his cigarette under his foot. “What’s a little radiation sickness between friends, am I right?”

Dave actually, genuinely burst out laughing at that. “I heard it works wonders for your hair, too.”

“No way! I worked really hard on that haircut, you know,” he was quick to remonstrate, shoving at Dave’s arm in mock offence.

“It’s just that my hair’s naturally amazing, you mean,” Dave smirked, running his fingers through it so as to purposely muss it up.

“Oh, yeah. I’d totally have sex with your hair, man.”

“Piss off,” Dave laughed, again, and made to open the hatch. “I’m cutting it myself next time.”

“Yeah, sure,” he huffed, even as Dave started climbing down the ladder. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Are you two coming down for tea and biscuits, or do I need to come and fetch you myself?” they could hear David loudly grumble from the bottom of the passageway.

“Aye aye, Captain,” Dave shouted back, rolling his eyes for Tom to see, and they both disappeared inside.

[oceanaestheticangel]

so ive been interested in your angel sasuke au can you share more about him? maybe a fanfic?

//Definitely!

Angel!Sasuke AU Fanfic- “Cursed”

“So, you’re an angel, now?”

That was the first thing the angelic version of Sasuke heard from the original Sasuke from another timeline and dimension.

Angel Sasuke nodded, simply pushing his glasses further up his nose, letting his wings relax. The gentle cool breeze ruffling the feathers on his wings felt, well, exhilarating. “Yes. Do you have a problem with that?”

“It’s just-...” original Sasuke trails off in utter confusion. “Does that mean gods are real? Does that mean our religions are rea-?”

Angel Sasuke abruptly cut the questions off by laughing. Because of the muscles in his face refusing to cooperate with his laughter, Angel Sasuke looked emotionless while laughing. Terrifying, indeed.

It took him a while to calm down. “Yes, gods are real. No, it’s complicated. I’m not telling you that, because we all know that’ll lead to controversy later in the future.”

“But you are an angel.”

“Correct.”

Sasuke bit his lip, his brain a scrambled mess. So this other version of himself actually died trying to protect Mai, and came back as an angel. Why? He inhaled, gathering his thoughts, and opened his mouth to speak-

Angel Sasuke was gone. Vanished completely. No visible trace of where he might have gone. He just... disappeared into thin air.

Sasuke stood there frozen for a good few minutes, contemplating whether he should try to find the other Sasuke, but ended up going back into his room in utter defeat.

~•~

Meanwhile, Angel Sasuke was flying through the air, his wings glowing green. The wind tickling the feathers felt amazing, he doesn’t know the words to exactly describe the feeling. It felt like freedom. It felt like he was alive again.

And yet, he knew that once he used up all of his 9 minutes of flight, he would have to land eventually- either safely or plummeting to the ground.

“We’re almost to Azuchi. Be careful, Sasuke, or you’ll be regretting it,” said the voice of a goddess, whispering dangerously. Angel Sasuke nodded, and he zoomed in to land on the roof of the castle. He would’ve been spotted, if it wasn’t for the goddess using the power of invisibility to obscure him from the naked eye.

He landed, and he closed his eyes deeply. He could recall that fateful day, the day where Mitsuhide Akechi shot him in the head while trying to escape Azuchi with Mai. He remembered it all so vividly, it was almost poisonous to his very heart-

“No, Sasuke!” Mai screamed in pure horror, as Sasuke felt his eyes flash before his eyes.

And that was all he saw. Everything was black.

And then...

“I know who you are, sweet Sasuke Mikumo. You’ve always wanted to protect her, haven’t you?” said the gentle voice of an unknown deity.

“Who are you?” Sasuke felt himself speaking, though he was sure he was dead. This couldn’t be possible, right? And how did this entity know his real name?

“I am Asterene, the Goddess of the Cosmos. I understand you have died protecting your precious loved one. Thankfully, it worked. She’s far away from your enemies, and she’ll be safe.”

So he was dead. Everything was still black. Sasuke was trying to wrap his head around this- why was he dead, but at the same time he was hearing this goddess’ voice?

“But you still have a task to complete. Mai won’t be safe forever, you know.”

“I aim to protect her at all costs,” Sasuke felt himself whispering, his heart clutching in utter turmoil.

“You have a light in your heart,” Asterene said, hopeful and full of... wisdom. “Don’t let it go out. You’ll need it, especially now that she will be in more danger. She needs someone like you.”

The ninja’s vision suddenly blew up with a great, white light. Before him was standing a goddess, a tall female with black hair in a ponytail- one eye blue and the other purple, and a smile on her face. Her clothing consisted of mainly black and purple, with white dots scattering across her dress. He assumed this represented the night sky.

She held out a hand to him, her smile growing bigger. “She needs a bodyguard like you. I will send you back, and you will be powerful. You will have abilities that will be designed to help her.”

Sasuke was hesitant. He wanted to help Mai so badly. He wanted to be able to be there for her, to protect her from evil hands. He wanted to make sure she had nothing to worry about.

“But... how will I be powerful? I’m already a ninja.”

“You will become an angel, Sasuke Mikumo. A Guardian Angel.”

A... Guardian Angel? Was this goddess serious? Was he actually going to become an angel? Shock ravaged his body unlike any other emotion presently.

“Accept your duty, and I will make you an angel,” Asterene said again, but then a stern look crossed her gentle face. “But, know that you will be nearly flightless as an angel. You will need my aid to give you the Power of Flight. It will only last about 9 minutes at a time, and then you would plummet to the ground should you not land safely. Other than that, Sasuke, you will be a powerful being. You will have enough to protect Mai.”

Sasuke hesitated once more, biting his lip. Does he really want to accept this? To accept his duty as a Guardian Angel with the sole purpose being to protect Mai? The pros did seem to outweigh the cons, after all...

“... I’ll do it.”

And in that moment, once he reached out his hand, everything went black- only to awaken right where he died. That was when he was redesigned as an angel.

In this timeline, Mai was still in Azuchi. His task for today was to get her out of there- without being assassinated again, of course.

“So, do I pop in and pop out with her? Muzzle any geezers that try to get in my way?” Angel Sasuke slightly sneered in a teasingly manner.

“I would never say that,” Asterene quietly spoke in his mind, and he guessed she was referring to the “muzzle the geezers” statement. “But if it works, then that’s how your boat floats.”

“Got it,” Angel Sasuke said, clenching his fist. Finding a secret entrance on the roof, he went into the castle, on his way to find Mai.

He was crawling above the ceiling, listening to any conversations occurring as he was doing his task.

One conversation was very random, as it was between two guards basically asking each other if they should gouge out each other’s eyeballs while doing the naughty deed. Angel Sasuke wished he never eavesdropped on that.

Finally, once he arrived at Mai’s room, he quietly removed the weak ceiling panel, and popped down.

“Hey-“

And there was original Sasuke, sharing oranges with Mai. They both dropped their oranges as they stared at Angel Sasuke.

Angel Sasuke stared back.

Mai’s eyes widened at the sight, and darted between original Sasuke and Angel Sasuke.

Clapping a hand over her own mouth, Mai squeaked out, “There are two of you?!”

Angel Sasuke, as always, decided to remark sarcastically, “No, this was a clever trick to basically mash your mind into an utter clusterfuck.”

She raised an eyebrow. “I... What?”

“Exactly.”

Even the original Sasuke seemed confused. “...” He couldn’t say anything.

“Ah, here you are. How’d you get here before me?” Angel Sasuke turned his attention on original Sasuke. “I’ve got wings, you don’t. Did you inhale some acorns and shat out a rainbow to propel you here?”

Sasuke blinked several times. “What, now?”

“Di-... Did you not hear the question?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Did you,” Angel Sasuke rolled over and picked up Sasuke, shaking him rapidly. “Hear.” Shake. “My.” Shake. “Question?!” Shake.

He placed him down, and afterwards original Sasuke answered, “Yes.. But why would you say something like that?”

“Because why not? Screwing with people is amazing,” Angel Sasuke replied with a snort. “Anyways, I’m here to take Mai back to your kingdom, so shoo-shoo.” He waved original Sasuke off with both hands. He walked over to the poor girl, and proceeded to pick her up bridal style. She responded with a squeak, and she looked absolutely confused and horrified and just looking like “what the hell is going on” type of expression.

“You can’t take her!” Sasuke tried to protest by walking over and trying to grab Angel Sasuke’s shoulder. However, Angel Sasuke was already at the window, saluting Sasuke.

“Yes, I can. Bye!” Angel Sasuke replied rather cheerfully, and took off with a screaming Mai.

[tessatechaitea]

Team Titans #18

The original cover had Mirage holding Deathwing's torn off cock in her upraised hand.

The casual use of the phrase "Payback is a bitch" in 1994 causes me to suspect this cover is problematic. Also, Team Titans is an anagram of "A mint taste," so does that help prove my point? Anyway, it's not like Mirage hasn't not been written to seem like a terrible person. Yes, she's strong and confident and probably threatens some people's masculinity (like Terry Long, for sure!). But she's also kind of hateful and mean-spirited and takes the piss out of people just because she didn't get enough sleep. Also she raped Nightwing. I keep forgetting that not only is she a victim of rape but she's also a rapist! I suppose one doesn't forgive the other but I also suppose I would feel more empathy for her if she hadn't raped Nightwing. In fact, I'm beginning to think this whole Deathwing rapes Mirage plotwas way more thought out than just another writer using rape as a casual means for a character's emotional journey! Maybe the whole Deathwing plot was a convoluted A Christmas Carol haunting to show Mirage the error of her ways! So this cover is basically Ebenezer Scrooge leaning out of his window on Christmas morning to ask some urchin to have a turkey delivered to him for a half a crown! As if anybody in town would trust Scrooge to pay them for their services! If A Christmas Carol wanted to be more realistic, it would have the kid throw up two fingers at Scrooge and call him a cunt. Also it would have less ghosts.

My new favorite comic book panel: Terry Long defeated by a baby.

Prester Jon has arrived back on Earth in his new body. I'm not sure if the body came this way or if it was changed by his time traveling through space on his roundabout way home but Prester Jon has become the fifth member of the Elastic Four (the other members are Plastic Man, Elongated Man, Jimmy Olsen on his stretch serum, and some other chump). The ability to stretch his body into any shape translates into the power to defeat four powerful elementals. Elementals who are just trying to save the Earth, by the way. Terra's introduction into the current timeline has wreaked havoc with nature, and so she must be dealt with. But just like all heroes who can never allow for the possibility that maybe their very existence is the worst threat to the universe, Prester Jon decides to fight them. Just like when Superman learned Earth was the cause for all the trouble in the universe and he just shrugged and was all, "But it's my home, motherfuckers!" I'm sure I'm remembering that Superman story correctly. The elementals are defeated by a white panel with the word "blink" in it. Maybe Zero Hour just happened and it fixed Terra's time anomaly? I have no idea. Anyway, this is a good example of deus ex machina, nerds. It's not Arya Stark going on a multi-year journey learning how to be a deadly assassin that can wear the faces of other people and get around silently amazingly being the one that nobody at all expected to kill the Night King. And by nobody at all, I mean everybody who wasn't watching Game of Thrones and/or people who love to talk about how the book was so much better than the movie (mostly to prove that they're not as illiterate as they sound). Redwing discovers that she's growing claws to match her wings and she freaks the fuck out. Before she can maul Donna, the US Government arrives to restore order. That means they shoot her with a tranq dart and threaten to shoot everybody else with far worse. No wonder NRA members are so scared of the government! They must read comic books! Also, I mean, sure, the government can be corrupt and scary. But the people who claim they need their guns to defend against the government also seem to be the ones who don't mind that police use extreme force and who also worship the military no matter how many times it's used for illegal and immoral purposes around the world. Just, you know, as long as the people getting shot don't look like they do, or the bombs don't fall in their backyards. But if those bombs did begin falling, look out! They've got a fucking ArmaLite to protect them! Donna, Battalion, Redwing, and Nightrider are all taken into custody. The government doesn't like any of their answers to their questions (even the true ones!), so they'll probably wind up in federal prison. Also there's one of those white "blink" panels. That probably means they'll be okay somehow. Like maybe they all now fit in the timeline and the government will be able to check up on their pasts. Meanwhile, Mirage has chosen to run away from her life but Detective Dick Deathwing is on her trail!

The hat and the trench coat don't make Deathwing less conspicuous.

Deathwing follows Mirage onto a train headed toward Miami. Once the train enters a tunnel (I think that's more rape subtext!), Deathwing attacks Mirage! At the same time, the artist's eight year old takes over art duties.

The tongue hanging out of Deathwing's mouth is the chef's finger kiss of this inspired scene.

Mirage locks the unconscious Deathwing in a bathroom and shoves some used toilet paper in his mouth before taking on his identity. Conveniently, she also intercepts a communication to Nightwing telling her exactly where the bad guy's base is! Because whenever I phone somebody about meeting me at my place, and I know that person has been to my place many times, I always still ask them if they'll soon be at 1990 El Camino Real, Santa Clara, CA 95050 USA. Hopefully the next scene involving Mirage will be when she gets her nipple pierced. You know, to really nail down the Deathwing disguise! Although, will future panels showing Mirage as Deathwing make such flagrant use of nipple shots? Where does the Comics Code Authority stand on female shape-shifted nipples? I mean, they're still female, right?! If they are allowed in subsequent scenes, I can't wait to see if I'm aroused by them! Back at the Long Family Farm, a bunch of rainbow people appear to tell Terra that the Team Titans will be going home soon. Are these another Titans Team? Or are they Zero Hour precursors?! Deathwing's boss, Lazarium, steals Killowat's powers while he waits for Deathwing to arrive with Mirage. I wonder if he also stole Killowat's racism? Team Titans #18 Rating: C. This was as average as a comic book could get. When the pencils and inks seemed unrushed, the art still seemed rushed. When the pencils and inks seemed rushed, the art was fucking terrible. And I'm a terrible artist, so I can say that.

[cyrelia-j]

[Drabble+Comic] Fine Print (Garak/Parmak)

Another crazy thing @borg-apologist inpired from a simple conversation. Thought I'd do something a bit different and throw in a Comic panel to go with this little humor story. Curious as to the story behind the scene? Read on!

The bath was his first indulgence upon his release. Parmak sank up to his eyeballs and just let himself soak until the water was tepid and his old housekeeper Mara was banging on the door asking if he’d gotten out of the camp only to drown in the tub. He reluctantly eased himself out and wore nothing but a long silk robe to dinner. Mara clucked at him but she’d long been used to his eccentricities. He was fortunate. They usually let the old families off easier and while Kelas might not have been one of them, the old doctor, Vakem Parmak who’d adopted him was. Mara was allowed to remain and he’s sure the entire house is more densely packed with bugs than a hill of coastal char ants but right now he doesn’t care.

Let them see, let them watch. He’s spent the last three years with guards watching him do everything from sleep to relieve himself so he’s thankful even for the illusion of privacy. The Guls damned Order can drag him back tomorrow for all he cares as long as he has tonight. Ah but for tonight... Parmak bids his good evening to Mara before it grows too late and he settles onto the familiar sofa to finish reviewing the terms of his release on the PADD. So far there’s been nothing but the standard suggestions for reducing recidivism, avoiding certain contacts, reporting in for essential “classes”. It’s all what he expected, really. It’s dull, it’s boring, and as he pours himself a rare indulgence of kanar, he thinks that he can finish looking the thing over with a little drink in him, the thick syrup passing his lips leaving him feeling warm.

Parmak decides after his eyes finally start crossing and his glasses never seem clear no matter how many time he wipes them off, that he’d be better served just laying down for the night and enjoying warm sheets and the warm night air. The camp - much like his home on Nokar - was cold, and while he was one of the few adapted to it, he’s not too proud to admit that he loves the hot desert breezes of the southern continent that he’s come to call home. The steps creak familiarly as he half reads his way up the stairs, stopping at the top just for a moment to consider...

His room is at the far end of the hall with a few guest rooms and his study between them. But there’s another room that he’s dreamt about these three long years as well. Parmak takes a few steps towards that door with its little coded keypad for security. Oh he gave them the codes. He gave Garak everything he wanted in that room and he’s only thankful that Garak was considerate enough of his dignity for whatever enigmatic purpose he had to lie in the report. Guls, Parmak couldn’t even imagine the scandal if the truth were to ever come out! Of course there was little pride to be held in “subject Kelas Parmak confessed after 4 hours of ocular pressure... scared of confessor’s eyes...” but it paled in comparison to the truth.

Subject Kelas Parmak willingly cooperated with the confessor upon being presented with the confessor’s prUt... swore to confess to anything for a taste... list of names acquired eagerly after coitus initiated...

No, that’s one that Parmak is taking to his grave, thank you very much. But it did significantly reduce his punishment and perhaps there was a touch of satisfaction that he’d pleased the interrogator so well even “at his age” that his sentence was reduced to three years on one of the more “pleasant” rehabilitation sites. Mm, but it wasn’t like he was ever going to see the confessor ever again and he doubted that Tain would be contacting him any time soon either to give him his old job back. Well, no matter. That’s what the room was for after all. They would have searched it certainly but they would have found no secrets and Mara assured him that things were  still in their proper place. Not that Mara was ever allowed in that room either but... he keys in the code, already trying to decide which one it will be tonight.

When he opens the door the room is empty.

Parmak thinks he screams. He’s not sure. If he does it’s not for long because again they’re listening but... but they’re gone! The shelves... his collection... all of it... his life... his...

“No...” Parmak start tearing the room apart. The room was a modest thing with a few bookcases, shelves, a closet, a chaise and a little table but it’s... empty... His... his toys... his Chelian hemipenis, his uncut 10” human monster, his blue sticky Bolian bit, his thick rainbow colored prUt, the megalo monster ch’och proudly called “Legate Ajan Splitter” with its little podium and ridges, the eggs, the plugs, the carefully curated decades of work... Parmak is babbling and half sobbing as one of the shelves falls and he’s pulled up the rug and pulled down the curtain and finally scrolled and scrolled on the PADD to see if there’s any hint as to-

“It is the suggestion of the confessor that the subject be prohibited certain publications and devices as listed below to further his rehabilitation to proper society. It is the determination of the confessor that a hysterical and lusty disposition has led to the subject's unrest and therefore moral prohibition under sec 512c should be observed for the duration of his reintegration to be reevaluated at the discretion of the confessor...”

To be reevaluated at the discretion of the confessor...

So then...

Parmak sinks to his knees seeing there’s just a little more listed, the words bright and bold on the display staring him in the face, “simplified” for clarity:

“NO DILDOS FOR OLD MAN PARMAK”

-signed E.Garak

And Parmak has to reread it again, head bowed, the images of his precious collection of sex toys running through his head, likely gone to some fire somewhere all so that confessor can...

“Bastard...” He’s trembling. “You manipulative bastard...” He might even be sobbing. He doesn’t know. “If you think for one moment I'm going to...” He bangs the floor with his fist angrily. “You have a Guls damned bureau full of nerve I don't care how big it is how dare you presume to-!” To be reevaluated at the discretion of the confessor...

Elim Garak is going to pay for this.

[themurphyzone]

Oneshot: The Real Superpower of Teamwork!

Yes, the title of this is taken from Sonic Heroes in all its cheesy glory. I’ve been meaning to write something with Brick and Savannah and I finally got inspiration!

“If you hadn’t stood there and gaped like an idiot at that ham dinosaur, the pistachios would’ve been fine!” Brick ranted, pacing around the room. “You know what? Now that I think about it, if you hadn’t been so quick to report those bozos to Mr. Block, we could’ve defused the situation without him putting us on pistachio duty!” 

Savannah was far more concerned with the nail file in her hand. “You can think?” she asked dryly. “Shocker.” 

“At least I don’t tattletale on people even if they completely deserve it!” Brick retorted. 

“Tattletale?” Savannah scoffed. “What are you, five? Oh wait. I don’t want to insult five year olds.” 

A light buzz from the large monitor interrupted their argument. Savannah furiously hit a red button on the panel to turn it on. Mr. Block appeared on the screen, frowning more than usual. 

Well, he was always frowning. So most people didn’t see a difference. Either way, he was the type to suck all sunshine and rainbows out of the room with his presence. 

And maybe kick a few puppies while he was at it. 

“We have an emergency,” Mr. Block grunted. 

Well, second thoughts after a week was better than nothing. 

Brick adjusted his bow tie smugly. Savannah wished a truck would smack that stupid smirk off his face. “I’m glad, sir. Who requires diplomatic assistance?” 

“Nobody. The Board decided that the agents will have to attend an all day seminar on teamwork,” Mr. Block growled. “The session begins at 9 am tomorrow in the Future Convention Center. Be there or else I’ll remove you both from pistachio duty....” 

Well, they could just blow it off then. Savannah didn’t care. She could use a spa day. 

“...and put you on chimney cleaning duty.” 

Goodbye spa day. 

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to message Concord and Ohio. I’d like the few moments of peace I get before I have to call those idiots.”

The Future Convention Center was ‘a state of the art, taxpayer-funded facility which encouraged progress in science and the arts’. 

At least, that’s what they said. 

Most people tended to leave out the part that it was created from the shell of a haunted football stadium. 

The memo specified that field equipment wouldn’t be needed, so Savannah had stored her shield, watches, grappling gun, and jewelry inside a locker at the Bureau. She felt so much lighter now that she didn’t have to carry around all that junk. 

She was waved through the metal detector with no issues.

Unfortunately, she had to wait on Brick, who set off the metal detectors ten times and counting as he tried to smuggle his equipment past security. 

“Brick! Just empty your pockets!” she yelled impatiently. “What were you doing in the Bureau earlier while I was in the locker room?”

Brick shrugged as best he could while security grew fed up and took him aside for a full body pat-down. “They finally had an instant coffee machine installed so I took full advantage. I don’t function if I don’t have caffeine.” 

Savannah thought Brick’s brain never functioned in general. 

The security team confiscated a total of five laser watches, three tasers, a Nokia, and a grappling gun from Brick’s person. Everything was tossed on the large pile of stuff that had been taken as Brick went through the metal detectors. 

“We would’ve been in already if you’d read the memo,” Savannah muttered. 

“We could’ve snuck past security if you hadn’t taken so long in the Bureau,” Brick shot back. 

The day had barely started and she was already regretting her life choices.

There was a distinct lack of Cavendish and Dakota. As the inspirational speaker talked about friendship and teamwork and some other junk, Savannah scanned the audience for them. 

Then that thought was discarded when Mr. Block and his assistant, Gretchen, plopped down in the seats next to her. “What are you doing here?” Savannah asked. 

Mr. Block sighed heavily. “Supervising officers were also required to attend. Unfortunately.” He tossed a crumpled up ball of notebook paper on her lap. 

Savannah glared at him for the blatant disrespect. Sulking, she unfolded the paper to reveal a neatly written note from Cavendish. 

We will not be in attendance due to unforeseen circumstances. Give my regards to the Bureau. 

-Cavendish

Then Savannah saw the bottom portion, which was written in a messy scrawl. 

Soy milk, grapes, frozen mozzarella sticks, wait this is the note Cavendish was sending ignore this part! 

-Dakota

She never thought she’d be envious of those two. She made a mental note to ask how they blew off Bureau company events with such practiced ease. 

Finally, the inspirational speaker finished and they broke off into groups. 

Savannah was definitely not going to survive being on a team that included Brick and Mr. Block. She withheld judgment on Gretchen for now. 

Tortured through elementary school field day events. They were getting downright diabolical. 

A mud pit and a long rope. Perfect. Just perfect.  

This was not the type of dirty work listed in her job description. 

The instructor wrote something on a clipboard. His overly cheery T-shirt was ridiculous. Bureau employees should always have at least have some level of class. 

She counted Cavendish and Dakota under ‘time traveling janitors’, so they didn’t qualify. 

“Welcome to your first team building exercise!” he exclaimed. “My name is Carlos and I’m sure we’ll be able to salvage your professional relationship with your assigned partner. So to start off, we’ll begin with tug o’war. Best out of three wins!”

Best out of three rock-paper-scissors would’ve preserved some of her dignity. 

“The rules are simple,” Carlos said. 

Savannah rolled her eyes at the pointless explanation. They knew what the objective was. 

“But there’s one additional rule. The partner in front must sing ‘What’s gonna work?’ and the partner in back sings ‘teamwork’ back. This will help synchronize you!” 

“Hold it! Since when do we have to sing?” Brick complained. “I didn’t sign up for this!” 

She had lost her taste for spontaneous singing and dancing when she witnessed Dakota’s...interesting rendition of the Bohemian Rhapsody at the karaoke night years ago. 

“There was nothing in the memo about singing,” Savannah added. 

Carlos shrugged. “The Board didn’t want us to put that bit in because they actually wanted people to show up.” 

Maybe she could file an appeal with a federal court and claim the Board was enforcing cruel and unusual punishment. 

“But enough talking! Let’s begin!” Carlos exclaimed. Savannah beat Brick to the back end of the rope, leaving him to grumble as he took he took the front end. If they lost, she could at least land on Brick and minimize the amount of mud on her clothes. On the other side, Mr. Block ordered Gretchen to take the front. “Go!” 

Savannah tugged hard, feeling the rope tighten in her grasp. She took a step back, the rope sliding towards their end. Mr. Block and Gretchen should have been no match for field agents, being stuck behind desk jobs all day. 

But it appeared they had some level of physical prowess, since the rope pulled towards them. Her feet slid forward. 

“Brick! Pull harder!” Savannah hissed. 

“I’m pulling as hard as I can!” Brick grunted. 

“I don’t hear singing from either side!” Carlos called. 

“What’s gonna work?” Gretchen said flatly. 

“Winning and not dying no matter how much we want to,” Mr. Block responded. 

Knowing it was a losing battle, Savannah decided to take this loss gracefully and dropped the rope, allowing Brick to plop in the mud pit by himself. “You did that on purpose!” Brick spat out a glob of mud, wheezing from the impact. 

Savannah shrugged. “Can’t prove it though.” 

“Gretchen, can you tell them why they lost?” Carlos asked. 

Gretchen adjusted her glasses. “Because Newton’s Third Law dictates that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” 

“Nope!” Carlos shook his head. “It’s because they didn’t sing the teamwork song!” 

“I refuse,” Savannah said. “I’ll take the losses now. Call me when the next event comes along.” She sat on a nearby bench and watched everyone but Gretchen proceed to make fools of themselves. 

Ten minutes later, Carlos was wiping mud off his hair. “Well, I’d say that was successful! Feeling closer yet?” 

Brick glared at him. “I was dropped into the mud pit twice because she bailed on me! How is that supposed to help?” 

“Better you than me,” Mr. Block said, wiping a very miniscule amount of mud off his uniform. 

Gretchen toweled herself off, not seeming to care about the situation at all. 

“Moving on!” Carlos clapped his hands eagerly. Savannah stood up, ignoring the death glare Brick leveled at her. “For the second event, each of you will learn the value of teamwork and cooperation. This way we can prevent strife within the organization and behave civilly towards our coworkers!”

It better not be another field day event, Savannah thought. 

“You’ll be playing Mario Party!” 

Certain scenes have been cut from the story because the Bureau of Time Travel wishes to cover up the carnage that ensued because some idiots fought over who got to pick Yoshi. No details shall be given about the actual game. The author has been sworn to secrecy or else be forced to listen to the 10 hour version of the Meow Mix commercial. 

We apologize for the inconvenience. 

Carlos had been sent to therapy immediately following the disastrous game of Mario Party. Poor naive man had to live with the consequences for the rest of his days. 

Savannah developed an opinion on Gretchen: ruthless, unforgiving, and Mr. Block was child’s play compared to her efficiency. How she was only an assistant was anyone’s guess. 

Without a spare instructor, there was nobody to lead them on team-building exercises, so Savannah and Brick hightailed it out of there as quickly as possible. 

On the bright side, Savannah didn’t have to put up with Brick complaining about his stuff getting confiscated anymore. 

[oumakokichi]

Can you list and describe the purpose of all the known items that Ouma asked Iruma to make? These things usually go over my head, thank you.

I can try! Ouma asked Miu to make several particularlyinteresting inventions. Before her death, she was definitely able to finishmaking some—but the diagrams and plans in Ouma’s room suggest that he had askedfor even more that she never got around to making.

As for the ones she definitely finished, there were theelectric hammers and electric bombs (also capable of being read as “erect”hammers and bombs, thanks to Miu and her humor), a remote control used forhijacking electronic devices, and a device which is basically a vacuum hookedup to a clear jar. This last one I just call “the bug-catcher,” because Oumaspecifically commissioned Miu to make it after hearing about Gonta “seeing abug” in Chapter 2 and realizing that those were actually microscopic hiddencameras.

The electric hammers seem to have mostly been designed withthe platformer mini-game in mind. They can disable just about any electricdevice, be it a panel, lift, even a robot like the Monokumerz or Monokuma. Asingle electric hammer can disable a single Exisal with a direct hit, causingthe cockpit to open. The downside to these hammers is, as Ouma tells them inChapter 5, that they lose their charge very fast. One hit to an Exisal willdrain a hammer’s battery instantly, and they take about 24 hours to rechargecompletely.

The best part about these hammers is that while they’reextremely useful, they’re not actually a threat to people. They only work onelectronics, not on human beings, meaning Ouma clearly asked Miu to make thesewith the idea of keeping as many people safe as possible. This also leads toKiibo wondering whether Miu saw him as a robot or an individual, and whetherthe hammers would work on him or not—but Ouma says he wouldn’t recommend tryingto find out, since if it’s the former, those hammers would definitely fry hiscircuits.

Miu only made three electric bombs for Ouma in total. Mostlikely, they were a little harder to make than the hammers, because their effectis even more overpowered. Like the hammers, the bombs pose absolutely no threatswhatsoever to human beings. A single bomb disrupts all electronic signals andsensors in a 50 meter radius for up to two hours. That includes not only sensorslike the one to detect humans underneath the press in the machinery bay or themotion sensor in front of the electric barrier, but also the hidden camerasthemselves.

Maki stole one of these bombs from Ouma while choking him forthe second time in Chapter 5, and that’s how they were able to enter themachinery bay later on. Even when subjected to an area where the bomb had beenused, it didn’t have much of an effect on Kiibo other than “a reaction similarto human allergies,” causing him some mild discomfort but not much else. Soagain, the bombs were completely harmless to the group.

As for the remote, Miu only made a single one (as far as weknow). It seems to be capable of hijacking electronics, and in particular, hijackingthe Exisals. Only the Mother Monokuma and the ringleader were capable ofdirectly controlling Monokuma himself, so since Ouma couldn’t hijack Monokumadirectly or disable him without the ringleader making a spare, he used theExisals to keep him under lock and key for most of Chapter 5, in order to tryand prevent the killing game from stating back up. He kept a single Exisal inthe bay with him for protection, and the other four circling Monokumaconstantly to make sure he didn’t go anywhere or try to start anything bypresenting motives.

Had Ouma really not cared about the rest of the group ortheir lives, I like to bring up the fact that he could easily have used theExisals to gun down everybody here. He had the perfect opportunity, and as hehimself points out during his bluff with the bomb, there’s no rule againstkilling more than two people. He could easily have killed everyone but himselfand walked out alive. Had he really been the sadistic villain he pretended tobe, or as heartless and self-serving as other people try and make him out tobe, then he would’ve done so. But he didn’t. Not only that, but every singledevice he asked Miu to make was designed specifically to be as harmless aspossible—just like his pranks.

The bug-catcher we know very little about. Saihara and Makiuncover diagrams for it in Ouma’s room, and Maki later finds the actualbug-catcher in Miu’s lab, apparently as something she was working on. It’sunclear if she was ever going to make more, like she did with the hammers andbombs, or if she was making just the one. Either way, the bug-catcher wasdesigned specifically to suck up hidden cameras around the school, smaller thanthe human eye could see. These hidden cameras are actually the sixth member ofthe Monokumerz (trust me, I couldn’t make this up if I tried), and they go bythe name “Monochichi.”

Ouma clearly guessed that these cameras were how Monokumawas observing them and transmitting information to the ringleader, but wasunable to fully stop them without either the bombs or the jar. One thing Inoticed on a recent rewatch of ndrv3 was also that he has a microscope in his room—presumably forexamining the hidden cameras under. I didn’t notice at all the first time Iwatched, but he really must have caught on almost immediately after Gontamentioned “seeing a bug.” It’s proof once again of just how smart he was, thathe was researching these things so intently and finding so many workarounds tothem.

Those are all the things we know Miu actually made for him,but there are other diagrams in his room as well, including plans for somethingthat looks like a gun that shoots rainbows, as well as something resembling a lightsaber. Again,I couldn’t make any of this up if I tried, so here’s a screenshot for proof:

Maki herself points out that absolutely all of his plans anddiagrams look extremely childish, “likesomething a kid would think up,” contrary to their actual practical uses.

None of the writing on these plans is legible, so we canonly guess as to their uses. I for one would have loved to see Ouma with both arainbow gun and a lightsaber though, so I’m sad that they didn’t ever actuallyget around to being made. Much like his pranks, all of Ouma’s devices that heasked Miu to make seem to have been designed to be childish-looking, fun, andharmless to people. And all of them were much, much more useful than theyappeared on the surface, similar to how Ouma himself was much smarter thananyone in the group could have guessed.

Saihara and Maki both mention that the cardboard boxes inOuma’s room are filled to the brim with “similar” plans and diagrams, but thoseare the only other ones we get to see. He probably had quite a few more devicesin mind, but it’s unclear what those are, or how they might have looked. Sothese are really all the ones that we have any information on.

I hope this helps, anon! This was really fun to get to talkabout—I’ve mentioned the hammers, bombs, and remote before, but I’ve never hada chance to go into this much detail about them. Thanks for asking!

[letitrainathousandflames-archive]

So my dear friend @lectricies is feeling sad lately so I offered to write him a Rainbow Six: Siege fanfic featuring the game characters and the Doc/Rook ship. I really liked how this is going as a draft and I may write an actual fic on ao3 later on. I know I don’t usually post fics here so I’ll hide it under the cut. And now, back to our regularly scheduled nonsense! Thanks!

Castle and Mute were at it again. Those two could not spend literally ten seconds together without starting some kind of shit, which was especially annoying when everyone was locked into an armored car headed to the assigned location many miles from the base.

“What I’m saying is that I absolutely cannot protect you if you stay out of cover!”, said Castle for what seemed to be the tenth time.

“Do you want me to bypass security or do you want them to have eyes and ears on us?” pointed Mute, who, most unfortunately for everyone in the car, was actually very hard to ever shut up. “I need to be at a smaller distance to be able to jam their equipment, and it’s not my fault you’re too much of a fucking coward to set your covers a bit further up.”

“Who the fuck are you calling a coward…”

Everyone else rolled their eyes, already expecting someone to finally deal the first physical blow.

“Shut up” cut Rook sharply; Castle and Mute turned to face Rook at the exact same time, and it would’ve been funny if they both weren’t pissed as hell. “Can’t you guys just chill and like, not hate each other’s guts just until we get there? I’m trying to focus here.”

Mute’s frown was replaced by a wide provoking grin.

“Oh, yeah, you do need focus, huh, Rook. God forbid you hand us the wrong grenade again like you did in Chile.”

Castle clicked his tongue before Rook could answer.

“Leave the kid alone. He’s doing he’s best.”

“My point exactly”, agreed Mute “Like I’m trying my best when I try to get closer to their servers, and the enemy soldiers try their best to blow my head off in the meantime, and I pray that you guys fucking do your part and cover me.”

Castle rolled his eyes.

“Right, boy. I’mma take you by the goddamn hand all the way through this time, like a walk in the park. That good enough for ya?”

Rook exchanged a glance with Doc and could see he was trying to suppress his laughter, and such task became ten times worse when he tried to do it while looking at Rook’s face as he shrugged:

“Can’t do a thing for this old married couple.”

“I swear to god, dipshit”, grumbled Mute to Rook, “Just my luck, getting to go on yet another mission with you morons.”

“Funny, I was gonna say the same thing.”

The armored car slowed down, unable to keep going because of the debris blocking the road. Smoke started to put on his gas mask, and the last thing Rook could see before the filter covered his mouth was a wide grin.

“Get ready, you morons, it’s showtime.”

Doc got up sighing and opened the heavy door. Rook went right after him and Doc tuned to Smoke.

“Just make sure not to poison anyone of us with your gas bombs this time, okay?” Doc looked over his shoulder to Rook and smiled back shyly. “Hey. Bonne chance.”

Rook nodded. It was a funny thing, hearing Doc’s French in the middle of all the angry shouting in the English of their fellow soldiers. Sometimes Rook caught himself thinking of how much he wished to hear more French on Doc’s raspy voice, the smile in every cadence of it. This was usually when Rook would also realize how much he wanted more of Doc’s, much more than his French words, or how much he wished the gentle grasp he’d occasionally lay on his own shoulder would last a bit longer.

The mission was not exactly simple: their target was the daughter of a Russian diplomat, recently kidnapped by – and can you even imagine how complicated that was – an American group of rogue agents working on their own terms in Russian territory. Long story, a whole big mess, but the big guys wouldn’t say shit about it: how did they let it happen, who were the rogue agents, how did it all come to this.

They were team who would actually get the recue job done and they knew nothing about their mission purpose. Rook was fucking pissed at that, but there was nothing he and his teammates could do, they weren’t the bosses of anything, they were just goddamn pawns there to take orders and get shit done. Rook hated that. He hated not trusting his own bosses.

The rogue group had bunkered themselves in an abandoned church in Murmansk, or, as Caveira had muttered to herself while analyzing the maps, “the cold ass-end of nowhere”, and Mute had already placed a loop video in every single security camera on the way, which allowed them to take cover in the snow-covered woods close to the church.

Smoke, Caveira and Mute were the first ones to get closer to the blocked windows. The abandoned church was in the middle of a wooded area and Rook would appreciate the beauty of the large wooden construction and the whole fairy tale landscape if they weren’t on a mission and it wasn’t 12 goddamn degrees. Caveira slid down the snow-covered roofs landing on the floor as silently as a cat would. She touched her ear shaking her head with a frown.

“No way to enter through the roofs.” said her in their common line “The only gap between the boards is too narrow.”

“Could I fit a gas bomb or a grenade there?”, asked Smoke’s eager voice

It was Doc who shook his head now, hiding behind a large oak tree and touching his own ear:

“Friendly reminder that this is a rescue mission and poisoning or exploding the hostage would be a bad idea.”

Mute climbed on the roof not even as silently as Caveira had, and everyone grits their teeth, worried about any alarms he might’ve triggered. The guy’s voice was giddy as a little girl’s in the line before Castle could even tell him to get the fuck down:

“Got me an optic wire through it! We got, uhh… Ten big bad guys, all armed and dangerous, and a person lying on the floor, hands and feet tied up and a hood over their head, now I’m only guessing, but that’s probably our victim. See? We don’t need to have Pulse in every mission, guy’s a pain in the ass if you ask me.”

Castle patted Rook on the shoulder.

“I’ll get in and cover for Rook. Rook, you take down as many of them as you can, make the best out of your bulletproof armor and my cover. Caveira, you get in there as fast as you can and take the hostage out to safety. Smoke, stand by until the hostage is cleared out. Then you can throw as many grenades as needed. Doc, you stand by for any emergencies and take a look at the hostage’s condition as soon as she’s cleared out.”

Caveira rose her brown eyes to Castle’s direction in the woods.

“Sir, my specialty is not rescuing people, I could eliminate the targets instead…”

“No.” cut off Castle “There’s only one entrance and I’m going to drag all attention to it, so your stealth would be rendered useless. What I want is you to be as quick as you can and take the hostage out. ”

Caveira still tried to argue as Castle and Rook approached the church:

“That’s not my…”

“We don’t have time to chat. Now get in position.”

Rook looked at Castle while Caveira stood behind them with a grim expression on her skull-painted features. Castle nodded. Rook lift up his leg and kicked the door in with a single blow. In a quick motion, Castle set his armored panel in front of the door, barricading it completely. They were lucky that the front door was so small – literally thank god for Russia’s small wooden churches; the enemy soldiers were trapped in, and Rook’s team was covered by the bulletproof material.

Rook aimed carefully. Ten targets. Easy. That was when a door to the left of the pulpit opened, and twelve armed soldiers poured out of it. Rook managed to land three headshots before they started shooting towards him and he ducked behind Castle’s cover, breathing heavily as the bullets clanged against the armored material.

“Holy shit, Mute, thought you said ten.”

“My bad” said Mute sounding genuinely sorry “The camera only got the main room in the church.”

“Great.” said Castle, getting up quickly to shoot a few rounds of his shotgun and then get back into cover “You and your useless tech-shit, it sounds like we’ll fuckin’ need Pulse next time if we get out of here alive.”

The silence in the line meant exactly how upset Mute was; dude never ever shut up about anything. Smoke insisted, his voice barely audible under the heavy gunfire:

“Castle, let me toss a small one in there.”

“No. We need the hostage alive”, Castle grit his teeth to then turn to Rook “You get up with me now, eliminate as many of them as you can. Caveira, you use our distraction and get in there. Doc, shoot her with a boost on my go.”

“Roger that.” said Doc in his raspy voice and for some reason Rook felt 150% safer knowing he was under his watch, under Doc’s watch. He was safe. Everything would be all right.

“Target’s exactly under the cross, on the far back” said Mute “Watch out Caveira, they’re all heavily armored, you won’t be ably to tackle any of them down easily.”

There was that weird, silent moment that precedes the getting in the middle of a messy shotout. Then the moment was over, and this was it, do or die. Just like every mission. Castle screamed “now”, getting up again and Rook got up simultaneously. Doc pulled the trigger and a hypodermical shot hit Caveira right in the neck. She grunted as the adrenaline rushed through her veins, vaulting over their cover.

“This shit always hurts.”

Rook shot each target with his usual impeccable focus. Right on their heads until their helmets collapsed and then into the shattered glass straight to their skulls, one after the other. Caveira rushed to the nearest cover, behind a thick wooden column, then to the next one, getting closer to the target. A bigger soldier was standing right in front of the tied up girl, almost as guarding her, and Caveira cursed under her breath. She’d have to kill the big guy then. No problem.

Despite wearing the ear mufflers, the gunfire was deafening. Castle knelt behind the cover to reload while Rook covered for him, seeing the dents the bullets were leaving in the cover. Shit.

“It’s gonna collapse soon. Caveira! Get it done with!”

“Easy for you to say”, muttered Caveira, getting slowly closer and closer

There were few targets now. Caveira got to the side of the big soldier, eyeing his bulletproof equipment, searching for a weak spot…there. Thigh. Big artery, bleeds nicely and has a bonus of making the target drop like a heavy bag. Nice.

Caveira crept behind the enemy, stabbing him and pulling the blade up towards the armored spot on his crotch. The soldier grunted, dropping down to his knees, and Caveira pulled her knife back, sabbing him on the now exposed spot between his neck and the vest. The man dropped dead and the blood pooled under his body. All the while, other soldiers turned to face her, but Rook and Castle shot them dead before they could do anything. Caveira looked around attentively.

“Clear?”

“Clear.” answered Rook with a sigh “Now get…”

Mute’s voice interrupted him:

“Shouldn’t we double-check if…”

“Get the hostage out”, said Castle cutting him off “hurry up.”

Caveira ripped the hood off the woman’s face. She looked absolutely terrified, her face wet with tears as she wailed, and seeing Caveira’s skull-painted face did not seem to improve the situation very much.

“We’re here to rescue you.” Said Caveira in a monotone voice; the girl kept crying and screaming “We’re here to rescue you! I said WE ARE HERE TO RESCUE YOU!”

Caveira picked her up with an effort – the girl kept kicking and screaming.

“Shit, I don’t know if she can’t speak English or the gunfire got her deaf but… stop moving! Fucking hell, Doc, can you shoot this bitch with some anesthesia or something? Goddamn…”

Rook was the first one to see the hidden soldier appearing from behind a column. They thought it was clear and failed to listen to Mute’s advice. Their fault—My fault, thought Rook, vaulting over the cover before he could even understand what he was doing. He ran to Caveira, pulling her down by her vest.

“Get to the ground!”

The enemy soldier did not have a gun in her hand, but a small device. She pressed a button on it before Rook could take a full turn and shoot her, and a drone came flying towards him. Rook opened his arms to cover Caveira and the hostage from harm and Castle shoot the soldier; She dropped instantly, but the drone kept coming to land on Rook’s chest like a magnet attracted to a metal surface.

And the thing shocked Rook so hard it made him drop to his goddamn knees. One of his teammates shouted his name, but he couldn’t recognize which one while he tried to pry the drone off his armored chest. The next jolt of electricity it sent on him was hard enough to make him want to heave, and he simply dropped sideways on the wooden floor, shaking heavily.

“Mute?!” screamed Castle, knocking over the armored cover “Mute, there’s some electronic device on Rook, I think it’s frying him!”

Mute and Doc were rushing into the church before he could even finish the sentence. Mute picked a small device off his belt pocket, pointing it to Rook’s chest. Rook’s face was red and veins throbbed on his forehead. His eyes were wide and pain-stricken and the damn thing was sending another blow on him. His breathing was ragged and shaken due to the electroshock.

“Chill, chill I gotcha!” said Mute tensely, pressing a few buttons on his device “Killin’ it right now… done!”

Rook managed to finally rip the drone off his chest and it was the last effort he managed to make before feeling like his whole body had become a puddle of jelly on the floor. Doc knelt by him, his mask-covered face hovering over Rook’s, concern in his eyes.

“Rook, can you speak? Can you say your name and rank for me, please?”

“Ju- Julien… Nizan.” said Rook, his still-shaking voice coming out through gritted teeth “Def-fen-d-der… F-Fuck, I wanna throw up.”

Doc let out a tense laugh, holding Rook’s arm down and pressing his hypo gun against it.

“Here, this will make you feel a little better.”, he shot a hypodermic syringe in Rook’s arm “There. Better?”

He touched Rook’s face with his gloved fingers and Rook shivered, but he was pretty damn sure that wasn’t the electricity anymore.

“Yeah.” he managed “Better.”

Doc was still caressing Rook’s face absently, looking straight into Rook’s eyes as if he were looking for something into them.

“I’ll check the hostage, okay? You stay down.”

Rook nodded weakly as Doc got up, walking towards Caveira and the hostage, and he almost thought he was still feeling the aftershocks when he understood what the hell was that weird feeling in his guts.

Goddamn butterflies.

[starwarsnonsense]

The Wrath of Luke - The Last Jedi as a Riff on Old Testament Tropes

* A single paragraph late in this essay contains potential spoilers for The Last Jedi. This paragraph is clearly indicated, and can be skipped if you prefer. *

The Luke shown in the poster for The Last Jedi is, in many ways, a shocking subversion of the Luke of the popular imagination. His expression doesn’t speak of steely determination and resolve as much as it conveys vengeance and judgement. Here, he is cast in the part of the angry God of the Old Testament, his magnificent beard adding to the impression that the bright young hero of the original trilogy has evolved into a weary and vengeful figure of authority. Nothing about this new Luke seems benign, and the severity of his expression becomes all the more striking when contrasted with the face of his nephew. Kylo’s expression is oddly neutral, and if it conveys anything at all it is contemplation and doubt. Of the two faces that dominate the composition, Luke’s is clearly the one to be feared.

While he might possess the face of an angry God, Luke is probably more likely to end up resembling a biblical prophet or patriarch. He is a prophet in the sense that he operates as part of a divine order, believing himself to follow the will of the Force (which is, of course, analogous to God in the mythology of Star Wars) - he is subject to visions, and is an integral part of the fulfilment of an ancient prophecy. Equally, Luke is also a patriarch in that he is the most senior male line figure in House Skywalker, being the child of a union between Anakin Skywalker, the divine child of a virgin birth, and Padme Amidala, a Queen of Naboo. Luke is a figure of immense power and possesses an illustrious heritage, but he is also a single player in a greater plan that is unimaginably larger than he is. Going by his declaration that “it’s so much bigger”, it would seem no one is more conscious of this than Luke himself. The trailer for The Last Jedi paints a picture of a man overwhelmed by the crushing weight of his own destiny, close to spiritual defeat on account of the great burden he carries on his shoulders.

Russell Crowe as Noah, and Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker

To get more specific, I find it fruitful to point out that one image of Luke shown at the panel for The Last Jedi is strikingly reminiscent of Russell Crowe as Noah in Darren Aronofsky’s 2014 film of the same name. According to his Twitter feed, Rian Johnson watched and admired Noah when it came out in March 2014, a few months before he was announced as the writer and director of what was then Star Wars: Episode VIII. I have no idea if Rian treated Noah as a conscious influence on The Last Jedi, but I find there to be some potentially interesting parallels going on, some of which have intriguing story implications that I believe it will be well worth discussing. Full spoilers for Aronofsky’s Noah (beyond ‘the boat makes it’) follow. 

Noah, like all of Aronofsky’s films, is about single-minded obsession - inspired by a divine vision, Noah becomes fixated on enacting God’s will to the point where he seems like a madman, with the strength of his conviction even bringing him to the point where he believes that mankind is doomed to end due to its descent into corruption and its apparent rejection of God. The force of Noah’s conviction brings him to the brink of murdering his newborn twin granddaughters, whose very existence he is convinced contravenes God’s will. Noah initially believes it is only his weakness as a mortal man that causes him to stay his hand and spare the babies, and becomes convinced that he has failed God. In a state of despair, he succumbs to drunkenness and distances himself from his family. Only at the very end of the film does Noah seem to achieve peace, reconciling with his family and receiving the divine blessing of a rainbow.

Here, I see the parallel being that Luke, like Noah, is motivated by a profound conviction that he perceives to be in line with some higher purpose. The words “I only know one truth. It’s time for the Jedi to end” tell us that this is a man with a firm idea of the way things should be. Like Noah, Luke is in despair over the state of things - Noah is adamant that mankind must be allowed to die out, and Luke is equally convinced that the Jedi need to end. Noah believed that mankind had to die for the good of the earth, which men were destroying to fulfil their own selfish, short-sighted needs and desires (Noah is as much a film about environmentalism and our mandate as guardians of nature as it is about the Bible). And while we don’t yet understand why Luke is convinced that the Jedi need to end, I would bet on him believing that some greater good will come from it, irrespective of the personal grief and anguish he must endure to see the mission through.

Russell Crowe as Noah, and Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker

Noah was a highly controversial film upon its release for many reasons, not least because it turned the traditionally dull and stodgy world of the Old Testament into a heightened fantasia filled with warmongering clans and swaggering rock monsters (if you haven’t already guessed, I’m very fond of Noah and recommend watching it). However, it was probably most controversial because of how achingly human and morally ambiguous its portrayal of Noah was. We are used to seeing biblical figures revered, with traditional depictions downplaying their doubts and humanity in favour of stressing their perfect obedience to God’s will. Noah shocked people precisely because it is highly ambivalent on the question of whether its title character is a hero or a villain. The film stresses the horror of the masses who were left to drown while Noah and his family sealed themselves inside their ark, surrounded by the screams and moans of the dying for days. But most intriguingly, it also emphasises how Noah terrorises and alienates his own family.

In the film, Noah has three sons, but only the two eldest are given proper characterisations and stories. The older son Shem is the golden boy who is obedient to his father’s will, while middle son Ham is sullen and rebellious. When both boys are children, Noah’s family adopts a young girl named Ila, who is the only survivor of a slaughtered clan. Ila is barren on account of an injury she sustained during the attack on her clan as a child, but later becomes able to conceive on account of the intervention of Noah’s wife Naameh and his grandfather Methuselah. Shem and Ila have sex just before the deluge begins, and she miraculously conceives twin girls - the children Noah will later believe he has to kill to prevent the continuation of mankind. Ham, by contrast, is less lucky - desperate to have a mate of his own, he disobeys his father by befriending a young girl named Na’el, hoping to take her on board the ark as his wife. Noah deliberately leaves Na’el behind to die as the deluge builds and Ham is never able to forgive his father. Disgusted with Noah, Ham leaves his family at the end of the film to strike out on his own and establish his own tribe. (While most of these plot strands are conceits of the film, it is biblical that Ham fell into disfavour with Noah, with his descendants being cursed.)

Now, none of this means that there are direct or deliberate parallels here. I am not saying that Luke has a wife or children (it is my belief that he has neither), but it’s clear that Luke does at least have a surrogate son in his nephew Ben Solo - the boy he helped to raise and served as a teacher to. Ben, mirroring Ham’s feelings towards his father, seems angry with Luke (as he was with Han), clearly bearing bitterness towards him for what he considers to be some past sin or failing. Also like Ham, Ben turns his back on his family after what he perceives to be a personal betrayal, setting out to establish his own order as he denies and defies both his father (Han) and his father figure (Luke). Rey, like Ila, is an orphan who’s integrated into a family and a destiny that she was not born to. Ila and Rey also both embody hope, promising a new future on the horizon - just before he leaves his family behind, Ham tells Ila “I’m glad that it begins again with you”.

In Aronofsky’s film, Noah’s monstrous nature comes out most strongly in his treatment of his own flesh and blood - he is never more terrifying than when he is holding a knife over two squirming babies. But this, ironically, is also what brings out Noah’s core of enduring humanity, since his instinctual love for the children means he cannot help but be merciful towards them - instead of cutting their throats, he leans down to kiss them. While Noah is clearly the protagonist of the film, he is not the figure who represents hope or a future for mankind - instead, this is the role assumed by his rebellious and disobedient children. As a viewer, it is much easier to relate to the alienation and fear of Noah’s family than it is to connect to the fervent zeal and nihilism of Noah himself. This spin, of course, is one of the main reasons why the film proved so controversial and unsettling - while the Bible is very much on the side of the wise and revered patriarchs and prophets, vilifying and condemning disobedient and defiant sons, modern filmmakers are more keen on dismantling myths and examining what it actually means to be righteous.

‘Sacrifice of Isaac’ by Rembrandt

* POTENTIAL SPOILERS FOR THE LAST JEDI FEATURE IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH *

Star Wars has a well-established tradition of following young heroes who are tasked with compensating for the misdeeds and mistakes of previous generations. In the Force strand of the plot of The Last Jedi - the aspect of the story represented so powerfully by the poster - I am expecting to see a Luke who considers himself subject to the requirements of a power higher than himself. I see this conviction being what propels Luke to pursue the end of the Jedi, and - if the rumours are to be believed - call for his own nephew’s murder. Just as Noah condemned all of mankind to die and Abraham prepared his son Isaac as a blood sacrifice, with both men convinced they were enacting the will of God, Luke will believe that his personal attachments will need to be overcome to serve a higher purpose by returning to a pure and incorrupt manifestation of the Force. If Luke does believe that Kylo Ren has to be killed to fulfil this mandate, the weight of that responsibility will likely bear more heavily on him than it will Rey, his belief in its necessity testament to the strength of his trust in his interpretation of the Force. Rey’s refusal to go along with the idea, by contrast, will demonstrate that her faith is less secure - and I would bet on us (the audience) being given reason to empathise more strongly with Rey’s doubt than Luke’s zeal.

* SPOILERS END *

However, in grand Star Wars tradition, I don’t expect this seemingly hopeless Luke - a man who appears to believe in the end of things - to be portrayed as a figure of unerring righteousness, or indeed some ultimate fulfilment of Luke’s destiny. Just as Aronofsky’s Noah upset people’s expectations of what a Bible film should be by portraying a biblical patriarch as profoundly flawed and sometimes even frightening, I expect to see The Last Jedi take its biggest risk by making eternal golden boy Luke Skywalker a forbidding figure of judgement who the younger generation ultimately have to prove wrong with their rebellion and defiance. While I don’t see Luke becoming an outright villain, I find it very plausible that he will be shown to have become misguided on account of his single-minded obsession with the Force and what he understands to be its destiny. I expect Kylo Ren to be similarly afflicted by quasi-religious zeal, with one of the most crucial questions of The Last Jedi being which character - Luke or Kylo - will be the first to accept that their static and unyielding dogma is flawed. As for who will introduce the light of hope to the picture, the poster makes it clear that this person will be Rey - the only reprieve from the vivid red that dominates the poster emanates from her.

If I had to identify flaws in Aronofsky’s film, it would be that the young characters - romantic leads Shem and Ila, and traitorous son Ham - are thinly characterised, serving as little more than symbols and essentially functioning as illustrations of the ramifications of Noah’s choices. They do not seem like true individuals, and while they are sympathetic they are not our protagonists - inevitably, Aronofsky is most interested in telling the story of Noah himself. I expect The Last Jedi to have a very different spin by focusing instead on the young characters (namely, Rey and Kylo Ren), mainly because it is not enslaved to the patriarchal mythology of the Old Testament and the allure of its totemic central figures. Luke Skywalker is a modern-day legend to many and is the hero of countless people’s childhoods, but the point of the sequel trilogy is to establish new heroes and fresh myths, not to wheel out old characters so they can repeat journeys they already made as youths.

The sequel trilogy - with Rey at its centre - is about a young woman fulfilling her heroic destiny, and Daisy Ridley herself has said that in The Last Jedi Rey “kind of gets to take some control over what's going on” - she will be the propulsive force driving the story, rather than the passive canvas on which other people’s journeys play out. While a film like Noah can’t help but be fixated on its monumental subject, the focus of the new mythology being established with the sequel trilogy is Rey herself and how she will bring hope to the galaxy. That need not involve supplanting the Skywalkers or bringing their line to an end, but it will - in all likelihood - involve discovering a fresh concept of the Force and grappling with what it means to follow it.