#and these STUPID people who don't know what they're doing making stupid fucking mistakes that affect me so profoundly

[sureuncertainty]

i am going to fight the nurse at my doctor's office oh my god

[thehorrorgirlstyles]

Brotherly Love

Eddie Munson x Stepsister!reader

Summary: You move in with your mom's new husband, only to find out that he has an annoyingly hot son.

Warnings: Swearing, derogatory words, dark themes, hate kinda sex, 18+ content, Stepbrother!Eddie, sexual themes, a little Steve Harrington x reader, cheating, rich people stuff, kinda enemies to lovers

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"Ugh this is so stupid, why do we have to move... he should be the one to leave his house" You groan out.

"I already told you sweetie, Dean has work in his part of town.. he can't leave his job to move over here" Your mom replies as she finishes boxing up the last of the kitchen utensils.

Your mom met some guy on one of her work trips and now they're getting married. You think she's totally lost it having only known this guy for three months. Ever since your dad left with some skank a year ago, your mother has been absolutely devstated and wanting a new man. It's not because she missed your dad, but because she's afraid it will look bad to all her rich and snobby friends.

Now she's agreed to marry some guy she barely knowns to gain back the respect of her colleagues. Which is a HUGE mistake. She's totally ruining your life, making you move an hour away to live with some complete stranger who she thinks she loves! You built a life for yourself here, I mean an hour away isn't that far..you could always drive back, but still your boyfriend lives here!

"So its okay that Dean has work, but what about me?... I mean all my friends are here and what about your job too?" You saying sealing the box with tape.

"Honey its only an hour away I'm sure your friends can spend a few weekends with us.. Dean has a very huge house... Oh and I'm quitting my job" She says picking up the box and walking away.

"What the Fuck?.. What do you mean you're quitting, I mean isn't this to show that you have another husband and you're better than everyone else?.. You did this for your job.. Did you not?!" You follow after her.

"Honey, watch your language.. Steve won't want to marry someone who has a filthy mouth" She looks at you and sets the box by the front door.

"Dean has more than enough money to take care of us I won't need that job with those snobby little whores anymore" She smiles at you and walks upstairs to grab the last of the boxes.

______________________________________________

After saying your goodbyes to your friends and your boyfriend, against your will, your mom insisted that a taxi drive you to your new house, saying that she didn't want to ruin her nails..whatever that means.

"Why can't you be alone mom, do you seriously need another man ruining your life..this is like what the fourth one?" You say looking out the window of the car.

"Sweetie I'll have you know that I actually love Dean, he is everything that we need to become the perfect family.. now hush were almost there" She pats your leg, motioning for you to sit tight and be quiet. Perfect family my ass.

__________________________________________

When you arrive at your new house, it's just what you'd expect from your mom. A gated mansion with three floors. The bushes are neatly trimmed and the grass is mowed. There are fountains out front and rose vines litter the walls.

"It's a little old fashion don't you think?" You look at your mom who is bursting with excitement. You roll your eyes at her.

The door opens up and Dean comes out to greet you both. "Darling you look beatuilful...oh and Y/n lovely to see you again" He gives your mother a kiss on the check and smiles at you. You nod your head and walk into the house.

"Your welcome to pick any room on the second floor, your mother and I will be on the third..Oh and just don't go into the room by the first bathroom, that's my son's" He motions you to follow him up the stairs.

This guy has a son?! Your mom didn't tell you about this. Fucking Great!

"Some of your things have been shipped over already, but the other ones are still in processing, if you need anything there's a small shop just about a ten minute drive from here.. my driver, Ted, can take you" He says while showing you and your mom the second floor.

"Thanks." You reply, not looking at him.

"Okay, well then dear... shall we?" He takes your mother's hand and leaves you on the second floor to pick out a room.

_______________________________________

A couple hours later, you're left alone to fix up your new room. It's big, VERY big. There's a king size bed in the middle and a full size walk in closet, with a bathroom that has a tub, a FUCKING HOT TUB. While you could get use to this life-style, you miss your actual home.

It's around ten at night when you decide to call your boyfriend. "Steve, I miss you this place sucks, there's like literal fucking maids and cooks and shit, I feel like I'm living in some old timey palace and not the good kind, the one where there's a dungeon with blood splattered on the walls."

He laughs at your response, "Babe, I promise I'll see you soon and when I do, we can try out that new toy I got you."

"Oh yea.. and what exactly would you do to me with that toy" You say, moving your hands toward your panties.

"Well first, I'd get you nice and wet.. using my tongue. Then I'd stick a finger or two inside, if you could handle it." You hear him unbuckle his jeans.

"Which you can because you're my dirty girl, aren't you Y/n?" He asks.

"Yes, I'm your dirty girl" You moan out toying with your clit, as you envision him sucking on it.

"That's right baby, just for me..moan my name pretty girl" You hear him jerking himself off over the phone.

"ahh~ Steve!" You yell out, working your clit faster.

"Then, after your wet enough, I'd stick the little thing inside your hole, putting it on the highest setting..You'll be begging for me to let you cum, but I'll make you wait until I'm finshed fucking your mouth" You hear his breathing increase as he goes on.

"Please, please Steve I want it arghhh~" You finally cum, clenching down on your fingers. You hear Steve moan out your name with a finally pump as he cums.

"That's my girl"

You hung up the phone after saying goodnight and go to wash off your hands, when you see something from behind your cracked door. You stop your movements, only moving your head to look through the crack from your spot by the bed. As you try to move toward the door, the dark figure runs off. What the fuck? You open the door and look out the hall, seeing the door by the bathroom shut close. It's Dean's son.

____________________________________

The next morning you get ready and head downstairs for breakfast, when you collide with a hard figure. You look up and see a long-dark haired tattooed man with piercings. The complete opposite from Steve.

"Watch where you're going" He scoffs going to walk in the opposite direction. Who the hell does he think he is?!

"I know you were watching me" You speak up, turning toward him.

He stops in his tracks, his back facing you. "I don't know what you're talking about" He turns around and faces you, his arms crossing.

"Don't play dumb with me, you were watching me last night, when I was touching myself.." You lower your voice.

"Now I don't know how much you saw, but I have a boyfriend so don't get any ideas" You cross your arms back.

"Trust me, you're not my type princess" He laughs at you walking away.

"Excuse me I'm EVERYONES type and YOU were the one watching me!...YEAH YOU, I bet you liked it, perving on me like a freak!" You yell after him. What an asshole.

___________________________________________

For the next few days he purposely annoys the shit out of you. He used one of your nice shirts to wipe the sweat off his back after he worked out. He threw his dirty underwear in your basket of CLEAN clothes. And he bought home some chick the other day and she was so fucking loud you couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. You swear he's annoying you every chance he gets, like he's getting off on it and it's completely working, which is annoying you even more.

"Mom I cannot live here anymore, Dean's son is a child, a literal fucking child, I hate him!" You yell out.

"Shhh, lower your voice." Your mom says grabbing your arm to pull you outside, just when Dean walks in.

"I heard what you said and I'm sorry that Eddie hasn't been the most welcoming..I will talk to him" He apologies and walks away.

Your mom shakes her head, "Please Y/n do not ruin this for me..for us" She lets you go and follows after Dean.

So that little shits name is Eddie, you think to yourself.

___________________________________________________

A few weeks go by and both you and Eddie have been messing with each other. You hate him and he hates you, which isn't ideal for your mother's "Perfect family", but you cannot stand the guy, even if you tried.

Steve, however, is finally able to come over this weekend and you need to make sure that Eddie won't do or say anything to ruin it.

You knock on his door, but he doesn't answer...so you walk in anyways. You're going to tell this idiot to stay away whether he chooses to listen or not.

When you walk in, you find Eddie with his back turn to the door. He must've just gotten out the shower because he is completely naked, except for the towel around his waist. He shakes his hair out and you continue to stare in silence. His back is dripping water and you wonder if he has ever looked this good.

He finally turns around and spots you. He notices the way you're staring and the bastard smirks at you.

"Enjoying the show princess?" he chuckles.

"Wha-What No, I-I was just.." Fuck, why did you come here again?

He walks closer to you and you take a step back. Your back hits the door as he closes in on you.

"What were you saying?" he grabs your face, your lips inches apart.

"I hate you!" You blurt out.

He smiles at you, "I hate you too." he closes the gap and forcefully kisses you. You gasp, what the fuck, why is this dickhead kissing you?! Still, you lean into the kiss anyways, kissing back harder.

He picks you up without breaking the kiss, his towel dropping at the movement. You feel his cock growing as it touches your ass over your jeans and you can tell that he is big, bigger than you've had. He sits you down on his bed, starting to unbutton your jeans. When he finally pulls your jeans off, he starts to feel up your body, with his hands, reaching down to where you need him the most.

You stop his movements and break the kiss, "Wait, I'm... this is wrong" You say trying to catch your breath.

"If this is so wrong, then why are you so wet for me?" He asks, touching you over your panties as he starts to move his hands in a circular motion.

You moan his name. God, was he always this hot?

"B-But you're my stepbrother and we both are taken" You try to reason, but it comes out as a breathy moan.

He smirks at you, "You jealous of what you heard the other night?.. had to get you back for all your late night calls" He confesses.

"Wha- But you have been watching me, you asshole" You slap him and he laughs in response.

"Your whines are too pretty for me to just ignore" He says, starting to kiss around your neck. "Beside with how loud you were being I'm pretty sure you wanted me to watch".

"Eddie I-"

"Shhh, let me take my time playing with your pretty cunt"

You lay back on his bed, spreading your legs open for him. This is so wrong on so many levels, but it feels too good to stop. You think you'll just get off from him just this one time, you won't even let him fuck you... Who are you kidding, you want him to fuck you.

"This doesn't change anything, I still hate you." you speak in labored breaths as he laps your pussy with his tongue.

He pulls your thighs closer to him in response, making you gasp as he speeds up his motions.

"Fuckkk Eddie, your gonna make me cum~" You moan out clenching your thighs together. He stops you, pushing his hands against your legs.

"Keep them open!" He growls out. You smirk and defy him on purpose, squishing his head between your thighs.

"Or what?" you ask.

He pulls away from you quickly and in one quick motion he flips you over, making you gasp in shock. He pushes your face down into the sheets, keeping your ass in the air. You hear him move behind you, his hand on your neck, keeping you from getting away.

"Or I'll stick it in your tight little ass and no matter how much you scream for me to stop, I won't until I cum inside you." You feel him rub his dick along your hole., you clench in response. Fuck why was this making you so turn on. Your never done anal before, telling Steve that you rather not experience that pain, but fuck it you want to experience it with Eddie.

"You like the way I speak to you baby.. like your a slut, my toy to play with?" He slaps your ass, making you jolt forward.

"Yes Eddieee please~" You whine out.

"Please what?"

"Fucking fuck me already Eddie" You whine, pushing your ass back against him.

He grabs your hips and aligns his cock with your soaking hole.. when a knock sounds on the door.

You both freeze and you turn around to look at him. He meets your eyes silently telling you to be quiet.

"Yeah!" He yells out, his hand still on your hip.

"Hey Eddie Y/n's boyfriend is here, so be nice to him and to Y/n" His dad speaks from the other side of the door.

"Oh also, Have you seen Y/n by chance, she wasn't in her room?" he continues.

"Nope, haven't seen her" Eddie lies.

"Alright well let me know if you do son, her boyfriend was so excited to see her and looks like she isn't even here". Dean laughs and you hear him finally walk away from Eddie's door.

"Fuck" You move out of Eddie's grasp and pick up your clothes from the floor, starting to put them back on.

"So your boyfriends here?" Eddie asks you.

"Looks like it" You say, finishing putting your pants on.

You turn and look towards Eddie, not knowing what to say. You were literally seconds away from fucking him and now your boyfriend is here. This should have never happened with Eddie, but God did you want it to so badly, you can tell by the wet spot forming in your underwear.

"Well sneak out tonight when he's sleeping and we can continue where we left off princess" He says, putting his clothes on.

"Are you serious?" You ask him in disbelief.

"Yeah, I know you want me, figured I'd make your wishes come true." He looks at you with a dumb smile.

"Fuck you"

"I will tonight" He smirks at you.

You roll your eyes and leave his room, slamming the door shut.

You seriously hate the guy, but oh were you so going to meet him after Steve falls asleep.

[uraniumbones]

For those of you keeping up with the book of Bill and it's accompanying website and the bill cypher backstory. THE PARALLELS GOT ME FUCKED UP.

Spoilers incoming.

people love to talk about the dynamic between Stanford and Bill. Sure, interesting. But you know what people aren't talking about? Stanley and Bill. Specifically referencing the website (thisisnotawebsotedotcom.com)

If you input Stanley a bunch it will eventually open a new document instead of eBay pages. The page mocks Stanley and reveals his secrets or whatever. One of the clickable options on this page is "HOW HE BEAT ME". Each time you click into this is an increasingly deranged meltdown about how it shouldn't have been possible. Calling him a "cheap trick loving, past-denying overgrown child protected from failure only by a force field of denial and shamelessness" among other things. And when further pressed accuses you of acting like "those PREACHY INFANTILIZING AUTOMOTONS AT THE THERAPRISM who are SO OBSESSED with getting me to TALK about my "FEELINGS"." After that he spirals further eventually talking about "how much pain I'm in" and only in code admitting "I can still see through the eyes of everyone I've ever..." presumably killed.

If you don't know shit about Euclydia read the wiki page on it, it's not long. tldr Euclydia is bills home dimension, which he destroyed and killed every single inhabitant of in blood and fire. He did so (accidentally?) in an attempt to show them the third dimension which (because of a genetic mutation) only he had the ability to see (with his eye). Please also note when Stanford asks about his home dimension Bill says it was"destroyed by a monster".

In the website's many documents it repeatedly makes reference to Bill's parents and how much they loved him, his home, his childhood (he wore velcro sneakers it's actually incredibly cute), the ways in which he was different and not easily accepted.

Now knowing all these things. A pattern may emerge to you. Are you seeing it? Are you seeing the patterns yet?

Obviously Bill hates Stanley because he's stupid and still he somehow beat Bill. That's annoying, maddening even. But I believe it goes beyond that. He hates him all the more passionately because Stanley reminds him of himself. The poem at the end of the Stanley password on the website summarizes it best "always dragged his family down / One mistake, disowned, denied, / only thing to do was hide." Destruction of his own family, running and hiding from his own mistakes. "Reinvent, retry, reload" trying again in a new life. "When your actions make it worse, / When they see you as a curse," Making things worse where you have tried to make them better. "Give the wheel one last spin, / Take your chips and go all in" this is what weirdmagedon was for both of them. and this is where their lives differ "And lucky stan- the rolls on black, / he got his life and family back. / His big break it finally came, / Redemption from a life of shame." AND THERE IT IS. Stanley got his family back. Bill didn't. (Which is what it seems he was attempting). Stanley got his redemption. Bill didn't.

Stanley was a lonely kid fuck up just like Bill was. And he absolutely hates Stanley's guts for it because he hates his own guts for it. And all this time they're the same, just trying to fix those mistakes, to have their family back again, to be loved again. They both have this facade of untouchable aloof levity, the same insults Bill hurls at Stanley may as well be hurled at himself. "Protected from his failure only by a force field of denial and shamelessness"? "Cheap trick loving, past denying overgrown child"? You can see Bill goes from being outraged and insulting Stanley, to denying a deeper meaning to those feelings (and calling you a therapist), to talking about how much pain he is in (seemingly over all the people he killed in Euclydia), all without any specific prompting. Just pushing. Bill is the one that connected those things. Bill hates Stanley (at least partially) as an act of self hatred. Because he has made the same mistakes and can never forgive himself for them. AND (at least partially) because Stanley is not only just like him, but now just like him if he had succeeded. Stanley got his "Redemption from a life of shame". and in so doing actively prevented Bills.

Now do you see what I'm saying about THE PARALLELS?!

[lizzieisright]

hey hurt/comfort idea:

soo what about the reader and abby being best friends for years and reader always had a crush on abby. they go to a party and abby introduces her new gf to u. she always liked her but thought reader didn’t (always a bit horny around reader, but they know eachother since childhood so abby mistakes readers flirting as being flirty like friends) so reader gets absolutely hartbroken, drinks till she passes out but abby takes care of her ofc. abbys gf is always with her tho so it just hurts even more.

she avoids abby till the next frat prty or smth (maybe it’s college!au) and then they hook up, abby can’t remember cause she’s too drunk and is back w her gf

very messy but i hope u get the idea :P

(also to make it more hurtful make abby mean while she’s drunk bc she’s going through a rough time but isn’t telling anyone)

It took me so long, I'm so sorry

Palestine: what can you do

I've changed a few things (they don't hook up) because I can't deal with cheating, and I couldn't decide on what ending I wanted so there's a poll in the end.

Tags: Modern AU, childhood friends, Angst, pining and unrequited love, of course.

_______________

Abby is a fucking God, and you come to this conclusion when you're 11 and she helps you with your stupid assignment.

When you're both 14 you start to understand that what you feel for her is not, in fact, an admiration. 

You come to this conclusion when you sit in her bedroom and she jokes about teaching you how to kiss because you're a loser and you agree - and yeah, the kiss is a mess, but now you both know that you want to kiss girls. And you want to kiss one girl in particular, but Abby is your best friend and you won’t do anything that will lead to losing her.

Being a God means Abby is out of your reach and you have to live with your stupid feelings.

You're jealous of every boy who jokes around her to get her attention.

You're jealous of every girl who dares to look at her a little too long.

Abby is popular and she starts dating and it breaks your heart every time, and you can't look at other people because all your gods look like Abby.

"Why don't you go on a date?" Abby asks once when you're 16 and you're eating pizza in your bedroom, watching another marvel movie. "I think Jen likes you."

"I don't want to." What would be the point if the only person you want to date won't ever look at you this way?

"Why? Don't you get horny like the rest of us mortals?"

The worst part of being in love with your popular best friend is that she recently lost her virginity and she can't shut up about sex because she is excited about it.

"I have my hand, Abby." You roll your eyes at her.

"But it feels better when the other person does it." Abby winks and puts her hand on your thigh. "It's better, isn't it?" She rubs your thigh and your breath hitches. She looks at you, playful, and goes a little up on your thigh, and your face burns.

"You belong in horny jail, Anderson." You laugh, but don't move her hand: if you move it she'll call you a chicken, but she is a chicken enough herself to not move it further.

And she doesn't.

You live your life peacefully, dealing with your feelings as best as you can.

Then college starts and you're too busy to think about Abby 24/7 and you feel like it gets easier. Like you can breathe around her and you almost don't feel pain when she talks about her sex life.

Almost.

You know it's easy to deal with because all those girls in her bed are temporary while you're in Abby's life forever, and not because your feelings suddenly fainted. Abby likes to sleep around, she is a flirt even with you - a lot, actually, she thinks she can get away with a lot by saying she is touch-starved and then her hands wander off somewhere they're not supposed to be, and you let her, because you'll take whatever you can.

So you go through Abby's fuckboy phase with ease, because sex talk is way better than feelings talk.

A few years pass and suddenly the feelings talk starts, and you're slowly dying inside, because Abby likes someone. Abby talks about how nervous she is around her, she is always on her phone texting her, she is always busy when you want to spend time with her.

You hate this girl with all you have, because she takes Abby away, she takes everything away - Abby is not touchy anymore, she only hugs you briefly when you see her, she is not listening to you half of the time, too caught up in her fantasies.

You hope her girl is a bitch and an asshole and toxic so you can talk Abby out of it, but then Abby tells you she is going to introduce you at the party and you cry yourself to sleep that night.

"How do I look?"

"Like you need Jesus." You say honestly because Abby in the muscle tee and a pair of cargo pants makes you ache.

"Yeah?" Abby looks at you through the mirror with that fucking smirk she knows you like. "Am I fuckable?"

"We both know you prefer to be on the other end of that word, Anderson." You roll your eyes and put your shoes on only to straighten up to Abby's face way too close. She looks you up and down.

"You're very fuckable though."

"Fuck off." You huff and open the door of her apartment, hoping she won't tease you for being flustered. "Let's go before Manny gets so drunk you'll have to carry him. Again."

You spent the night in dread of meeting Abby's girl, dreaming of seeing her red flags or something to have a real reason to hate her to Abby's face, but then Abby lights up and she excuses herself to go and meet her girl, while you try so hard to not throw up from your nerves.

The girl is gorgeous.

"This is (y/n)." Abby motions at you and you smile politely. "This is Mia."

"I'm so happy to meet you." Mia smiles and she looks kind and genuine and fuck, you can't hate her. There's no jealousy in her, no fake smiles, no tense body language. "Abby loves you so much."

You swallow hard.

"I put up with so much of her shit, she doesn't have a choice." You joke and Mia laughs.

Mia is funny and cute and you understand why Abby likes her, because it's impossible not to. Mia is a type of girl that you'd think of as a bitch because she is popular, therefore arrogant, but when you get to know her she is a total sweetheart who'd help you find a way to your class if she notices you're lost.

This is hard.

This is going to break you.

You can't cope with this. You can't cope with seeing Abby's gentle gaze on Mia, with her careful touch and constant care. So you excuse yourself and go to the bar to get drunk, as if you can drown your feelings by dragging them to the bottom of the bottle. You dance and you drink, you dance and you drink and repeat it five other times until all long islands make you feel sick and you can't walk by yourself anymore. You're an independent woman and you refuse to ask for help, but when you can't order a taxi for the fifth time because your eyes are so blurry, Mia comes to you and holds you by your elbow.

"We will take you home, okay?" She says kindly and you feel your lips tremble. We.

"Jus- can you c'll a taxi f'me?" You slur, but you feel Abby's hand on your waist as she supports you. "Don't wanna ruin your night."

"You're not ruining anything." Mia says cheerfully and orders a taxi when Abby gives her your address. "Happens to the best of us."

The drive home makes you super dizzy and Abby has to put her hand between your head and the car door because you hit it all the time. The moment the car stops and Abby goes around to help you get on your legs, you throw up on the ground and it's a miracle you don't get everyone's shoes dirty.

Abby decides to carry you to your place and you can't shut up even for a second.

"I'm s'sorry guys. Not a good first impression. I really like you, Mia. You look kind. Like a grandma. In a good way, I'm sorry." Mia giggles. "Your laugh is very cute. It's cute, right Abby?"

"Yeah." Abby agrees quietly and what you don't know is that for her your drunken rant was way cuter than her girlfriend's laugh.

"Yeah. You look great together, I'm s'happy for you Abby. Haven't seen her that nervous because of a girl in years, can you imagine, Mia? You make this asshole nervous." You're chuckling sadly, you want to cry because you don't make Abby nervous.

No, you just embarrass her in front of her girlfriend because you're so pathetically in love you can't deal with it and drink half of the bar until you forget how to walk on your own.

Abby helps you change and Mia gives you water. She makes sure there is fresh air in your room and she tucks your blanket, and you close your eyes to hide your tears because Mia is so nice. She is a dream girl and Abby is so happy and there is no space for you anymore.

Because Mia took your place in that forever equation.

On the next day you text your apologies to both Abby and Mia (she followed you on instagram and asked you how you felt) and you can't deal with this. It hurts so much because you love Abby so much and you want her to be happy but it seems like the price of it is going to be your heart.

So you start avoiding her as best as possible, and what is more sad - it's not even that hard. Abby is always with Mia, fuck, Mia even asks you to come with them to hang out, which you always find an excuse not to. Library, fever, other plans, other plans again, sorry, paper is due tomorrow, my aunt is in town (she is not). Anything to not meet with them.

You still see Abby during classes and you give each other life updates, but it's been weeks since you actually hung out and you accept the reality that yes, there's no place for you in Abby's life anymore.

You cry every fucking night.

Then Abby suddenly remembers you exist and she asks you if you want to hang out, just the two of you, because she misses you. You miss her too and you agree.

You regret it the moment she cuddles you in front of her tv. She has a girlfriend now, why is she so touchy again? Did something happen with Mia that Abby came to you?

"Is everything okay with Mia?"

"Yeah, she is great." Abby says and buries her nose in your neck.

No. You can't deal with this.

So you start avoiding Abby at all costs after this - you can't shake the feeling that this is cheating, because for you Abby's touch has never been platonic, no. And it never felt platonic either, it was always giving you hope because Abby was flirting and touching the way friends don't touch each other. Maybe one day she'd finally give you a chance, you thought, but this day never came.

It is another party a month and half later - yay, Abby and Mia have been together for two months now! - and you don't know if Abby is going to come, but you hope she doesn't. You know she knows something is up and she will want her answers if she meets you.

But you have fun. You play games, you drink, you dance, you get flirted with and you forget about your pain just to get so drunk again you can't help but go outside to find a place to cry in peace.

You miss Abby, you miss her because she is a part of you and yes, you're in love with her, but she also your best fucking friend and you hate yourself for being in love with her, because it ruins your life. It has been ruining your life since you were fourteen and actually understood what you felt, but now it was getting serious.

"(Y/n)?"

Fuck.

You wipe your tears and look at Abby who is standing right in front of you.

"Hi." You squeak and she drops on the knees to look at you.

"Did something happen? Why are you crying?"

"I'm just sad. Don't worry." You try to smile but Abby's frown makes you cry more. "I'm going home anyway, so you can enjoy the party."

"What the hell are you saying? I'm not leaving you."

She should. She should leave you and not complicate it further.

Abby calls a taxi and you chuckle in your head - If you had a nickel for every time Abby was taking your drunk ass home, you'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

You tell her as much because the meme is funny and you try to be positive.

Abby helps you out of the car and this time you don't throw up.

"You know, last time I totally embarrassed myself in front of Mia." You chuckle and make your way upstairs with Abby's arm around your waist. "She is cute, I'm so happy for you."

Abby chuckles and leads you inside your apartment, but between the two of you she is mostly sober and she has some questions, and she wants her answers. You know this too, so when you sit on your sofa you feel like all your shields are crumbling: you’re giving up on hiding this from her. If this is the end, so be it.

"You've been avoiding me." Abby says quietly, looking you in your eyes like she is just a little bit mad. 

"Yeah, I know." You admit with a chuckle. "You have a girlfriend now, it's so cool. When was the last time you liked someone like that? Back in school?"

"So you've been avoiding me on purpose." 

"I don't think you can avoid someone accidentally, Abby.” You say, not holding back your venom. “Anyway, I’m so happy for you.”

“Why are you avoiding me?” Abby moves closer to you  and you swallow your tears because there’s nowhere to run.

“Because it’s easier.” You shrug. “I just want you to be happy, okay? Does Mia make you happy?”

“Yeah.” Abby admits and you start crying again: it hurts so fucking much. 

“Good. It’s good. I’m happy for you.” You sniffle and Abby huffs, annoyed.

“Stop saying that. Stop avoiding my questions.”

Inside you all hell breaks loose.

“I love you, okay?” You finally burst. “I love you, and it hurts so fucking bad and I can’t fucking see you with her or know that you’re with her! What do you want me to do? What would you do if you were me? I can’t- I can’t-” You throw your hands desperately and bite your lip, too angry with this whole situation.

“I love you too.” Abby says, confused.

“No, no Abby, you don’t understand.” You’re quiet and angry, almost spitting every word out. “I’m in love with you. I’m not jealous as a friend, Abby. I’m jealous because I want to be in her place, okay? Fuck, I wanted to be in your every girl’s place since you started dating girls!” 

There is silence. You thought it would be terrifying - this silence - but right now you feel nothing except how dizzy your head is. You feel empty and there's no tears anymore. Abby stares at you in shock, her fists clenched, and you chuckle cynically. 

“So can I continue avoiding you now or should I suffer more?”

“Fuck, (y/n)..” Abby sighs and rubs her forehead, going over her face with her palm. “Fuck. Don't do this to me.”

“Well.” You huff, annoyed. “Not like I have a fucking choice, Anderson.”

Abby throws her head back and stares at the ceiling while you do the same, trying to keep your drunk ass stable. You feel like eternity passes before Abby speaks again, and it is strangely comforting, having your best friend here with you, in this boat of pain, and sharing it with her. 

“All these years. All these years we could have been together.” Abby sounds like she is mourning. 

You thought your heart broke when you met Mia? Forget it, it's broken now.

You sob, howl almost, and Abby is suddenly holding you in her arms, placing kisses to your hair. Her heart can't handle seeing you cry, never could - yes, she tried to move on with Mia, and it worked partially, but all her effort went to shit just now. You're the most precious girl to her and nothing can change it. Abby swallows and braces herself, suddenly making a decision in her head, all her anxiety about what is a right thing to do gone. 

“You know what? Fuck it. Fuck all that time we've missed. I'm not letting you go now.” Abby says in your ear and you sob even more violently. “Come on, baby, I'm here. Let me see your face.”

You can't believe it. You can't even process it: is it your drunken dream? Are you hallucinating? It would definitely not be the first time. But you look up at Abby and she gently wipes your tears and there’s so much love and hurt in her eyes it’s hard not to break into another sobbing fit. 

“I've been in love with you since we were seventeen.” Abby smiles at you and you shakily smile back. “I’m sorry it came to this. But I'm here now.”

“I love you.” You say feverishly and Abby's restraint breaks.

She kisses you hungrily, practically devouring you, and you're weak, so you return her kiss and press into her, soaking in her warmth and strength. Abby is solid and tender, she holds you like she cares and you cling to her for a moment.

But then you remember yourself and push Abby away, shaking your head.

“No. You're better than this. You're not going to betray Mia like this. I'm not going to let you, Abby. We're not doing this,” You motion between yourself and her. “Behind your girlfriend's back. And I'm also fucking drunk.”

Abby chuckles and kisses your forehead. 

“Come on, I'll help you get into your bed.”

Everything else after is a blur as Abby helps you change and covers you with your blanket, and you fall asleep. You can't wait for the morning to come.

****

[banj0possum]

Can we get a zombie horde with a gn! Reader where their abusive family finds them again?

after years of inactivity im fucking back ! sorry for the long long wait but at least im able to put out a few more fics !

Zombie Horde!Reader's Abusive Family Finds Them Again

CW: verbal abuse, abusive family, (mentioned) being rejected food

💀 You haven't always been alone in your travels, in fact, you were with your family when the outbreak happened. But to be fair, you never liked your family..

💀 They would always bully you, boss you around, even put the blame on you whenever something bad happened, the torment didn't end even when there were zombies banging on your doors!

💀 In fact, because of the virus, they got even more cruel to you.

💀 They would take away your food rations for any small mistake you did, make you take the night watch for days on end, even send you out to get supplies just because 'you talked back that one time'!

💀 You couldn't take it anymore and left, knowing anywhere would be better than being stuck in a house of people who did nothing but torture you.

💀 You thought you were safe from them, cuddled up with Ribs in your bed as the others wandered around the abandoned mall, but it all came back when you heard a familiar voice shout out your name from the distance..

💀 "(Y/N)?! I know you're here you runt!"

💀 It was your dad...

💀 Ribs sat up as soon as he heard it and snarled, crawling out of bed and going out to see the commotion.

💀 Your heart raced as you followed him, but it was hard to walk with your body trembling at the thought of seeing him or any of your family again.

💀 "Jesus there's four of them!" "What are you waiting for you stupid bitch?! Shoot em!"

💀 It seems your mom was also there..

💀 You run the broken escalator and see the horde fighting with your family, gunshots ring throughout the mall as you see your beloveds blasted with bullets.

💀 You weren't scared though, they were dead after all, but it was still heartbreaking seeing them get hurt.

💀 You pick up a nearby rock and throw it at your dad to get his attention away from the boys. They all look at you, your family glaring at you while the horde coos at your presence.

💀 "(Y/N) you come here right this fucking second we're coming home!" Your mother shouts at you, walking over angrily and grabbing your arm strong enough to leave a red ring.

💀 Bo fumes and pulls her of you "You stay away from my mate ya hear me?!" he growls.

💀 "It talks?!" She yelps as your dad comes over as well. "Mate? Don't tell me you're hangin out with these monsters! Are you that much of a dumbass?!" he scolds you.

💀 You shrink, knowing whatever you say will make things worse..

💀 "Why you little whore.." Your dad growls, about to slap you, but Screw runs over and pushes your dad away, sending him back a few feet.

💀 Ribs and Soda smile and clap as Bo and Screw help you up.

💀 "You ok darlin?" Bo asks you in a sweet tone. "Is your arm ok? Does is hurt? Do you need a bandaid? I have a pink one with a cat on it.." Screw looks at the mark your mother gave you.

💀 You smile and assure them everything's ok.

💀 "Fucking freaks..(Y/N) do you hear me?! Get your ass up and let's go!" Your dad yells at you again as he stand up.

💀 "They're not going anywhere mean guy!" Ribs growls at him.

💀 Your mom is to the side next to Soda, she sneers at him and he looks back at her, giving her the middle finger, making her scoff and look away.

💀 In a shaky tone, you ask how they found you. You've cut off contact with them for months, there was no way they could find you..

💀 "Hah! Your dumbass thought you were just some person in the middle of nowhere? Half the state knows about your little talkin freak boyfriends!"

💀 You look down in shame as Bo and Screw comfort you "I think it's about time you folks leave..." Bo says, glaring at your parents.

💀 "Oh no you're not kicking us out! We came all this way to get this ungrateful little leech back! We gave them shelter and this is how they repay us?! You should've learned your place and stayed put!" he berates you. You finally snap and yell back at him, telling him all the things you've endured in their household, how you were treated like dirt every day, how you were much better off without them.

💀 Finally you firmly tell them to leave, pointing to the exit as you look at him with no fear left in your eyes. He scoffs "Fine..go get killed on your own then! Don't come to us for any fucking help!" he yells as he leaves, your mom in tow.

💀 Ribs laughs at them as they leave while Soda smiles at you.

💀 After the whole interaction, you were completely exhausted, the boys huddling up with you to calm you down.

💀 You give them all well-deserved kisses for protecting you, they all coo and chirp at the affection and kiss you back.

💀 "Do you still want that bandaid?" Screw asks you softly.

💀 You say yes.

this one was pretty short but expect more fics to be sent soon ! love you guys and remember that youre awesome and amazing !

[eddiezpaghetti]

Okay, so my experience with Stranger Things is a weird one.

I didn't care when it first came out, started to watch it out of "might as well" in 2020, wasn't interested in it enough to make it past S2, forgot about it outside of going "oh, hey, cool, there's a lesbian in it now, I guess," in S3, got really annoyed when "Running Up That Hill" got popular from it because it was a song I listened to on fucking loop after one of my best friends died in high school and I fully expected its appearance in the show to ignore the whole survivor's guilt theme of the song (and was very happy to learn later that it did the exact opposite of ignoring the lyrics), saw people drawing Eddie, suddenly got a lot more interested, watched just the fourth season like a fucking psychopath because I was seriously only there for Eddie, then got interested enough to start the show over properly, having mostly forgotten what I did watch of the show before.

And let me tell you something from the perspective of someone who started with the complete fourth season, who wasn't there from the start, who wasn't tainted by ship goggles or this internal battle of hope and despair, who wasn't theorizing about what the painting could be or expecting Mike and Will to kiss when Volume 2 happened or rooting for Mike and Eleven's relationship to go down in flames or whatever the fuck. Just someone who went blind into Season 4.

It's really fucking obvious that Will and Mike are gonna be endgame.

Like holy fuck. It's so fucking blatant I don't even know why people are nervous.

No sane fucking person would shoot this scene this way if they wanted the audience to care about El and Mike as a couple. Despite being all blurry in the background, Will's reaction to what's happening here is smackdab in the fucking middle, clearly showing that the important part is what's going through his head here. What he's feeling. It's like the opposite of that scene from Kingdom Hearts II where Sora and Riku reunite and Kairi just fucking vanishes into the aether while it's happening because, despite the fact that she was standing between them when the scene began, she doesn't matter to the scene, so she's just kind of gone when the camera angle changes. Will could have been behind one of their heads, or so far in the distance he blends in with the background, but he's not. He's so obvious that despite being massively blurred out, he's still the first goddamn thing you look at. What, you think that's an accident? You think he's in the middle of this dramatic fucking scene because of a mistake? He basically has a big flashing neon arrow pointing at him with "THIS IS THE POINT" being screamed through a megaphone.

And then this?

They're paired up like they're taking fucking prom pictures. Each one of these pairs is so fucking close to one another and so fucking far from everyone else. It's not, "Oh, they're standing vaguely near each other in a group shot," it's fucking Noah's Ark out here. Again, there's no way to take this as an accident. It's not just a framing issue. If they wanted to make the shot look balanced while still not hiding anyone else behind El, they would have scattered people around much more naturally. Even if they wanted to keep Nancy with Jonathan and Hopper with Joyce, there's so much room on that hill for three people to stand on El's left and three on her right. But they didn't do that. They put Mike and Will together on purpose in the most obvious way possible.

Like I get that coming up with crackpot theories is fun in and of itself and I'm not blaming anyone for having fun. I totally get the appeal of arguing a point and reaching for every stupid little thing to pull into it because it's like a game, okay? I've done that. But if you're trying to actually convince someone (whether it's someone who wants to believe or someone who's pissed at the very idea that Mike and Will could be in love), stay away from blue and yellow lights, stay away from costume design, stay away from the existence of closets in backgrounds. And don't worry about whether Mike's gay or bi when he's in love with Will either way. I'll give you a little tip about persuasion: You're only as strong as your weakest argument. Even if you've got strong stuff in there, too, the person you're trying to convince is going to dismiss anything you say as complete insanity the second you start going on an entire tangent about the shape of a character's fucking pocket.

Sometimes, clothes are just clothes. Sometimes, there's a closet in the background because it helps establish that a character is in a bedroom. Sometimes, blue and yellow are just a couple of colors that look nice together. And sure, it might be set designers and costume designers and cinematographers smirking and winking at the audience from behind the camera. But if the show was just those things, instead of those things in the context of everything else, they wouldn't be saying anything of note.

But this?

This tells a story all on its own. Someone with no context can look at this and automatically assume that each paired person is standing with someone they care about deeply, seeking comfort as they watch some sort of disaster unfold. And yeah, romantic couples usually come in twos, and we live in an amatonormative society, so that's going to be the first association anyone makes seeing a bunch of people paired off.

It's the same reason you look at this

And go, "Oh..."

"Those two are probably a couple."

And I genuinely don't understand how people could have watched S4 Vol. 2 and gotten scared. Because as someone who went in with no investment whatsoever, I just looked at these two--

--and went, "Oh, those two are a couple. Good for them." And I moved on. Shut up about the trees for five seconds and just see the forest for what it is.

Oh, and if you're still nervous? Little thing from a storyteller here: You don't leave a hanging thread like "Will confessed his romantic feelings for Mike by projecting them onto El, but Mike either didn't understand or at least didn't say he understood," without coming back to that later. That's Chekov's gun hanging on the wall, babes. It's gonna fire at some point. If Mike was going to reject Will's feelings, if they weren't relevant, they would have had that discussion in Argyle's van. There'd be no reason to leave you in suspense.

[warblogs17282]

Still thinking about the Truth Seekers line where Loona said,

"Blitzo was using a total of zero euphemisms, innuendos, or swears. That means it was serious, which means I don't open it until--"

And now, I'm thinking about all the different emotional and heavy-hitting moments from Blitz, but from the lens of that statement, and I'd like to explore that in a little more depth.

Because I feel like looking through some key moments of Blitz through the lens of that statement helps to add another layer of depth to what Blitz has been saying.

S2 E9:

Blitzo: No, I just- This was the final stop on the apology tour I've been on today.

Stolas: Oh, yes, I recall. Everyone but me is getting your cheap apologies tonight, hm? Well, you certainly have your work cut out for you.

Blitzo: Look, how I acted this morning... It was fucked, okay?

Stolas: This morning? Ugh, why did you show up there? Why'd you show up here?

Blitzo: You already asked that, but look, I-I just really need to... To talk to you, to- to explain.

Stolas: Oh?

Blitzo: I've always been real shit at sorries, 'kay? They're for pussies and no one fuckin' deserves them anyway, but I felt maybe you actually needed one.

Stolas: Ooh, lucky me!

Blitzo: Oh, shit. Okay, what I mean is, I said sorry a lot today and, honestly, didn't really mean any of it. Because the only one I wanted to say it to... Was you, Stolas. I just... This whole thing we had going... I'm- I mean you're a fucking prince. How could you ever actually care for an imp... Me? How could anybody?

Stolas: Blitzo. There is a crowd full of people here, who cared so much, they'd throw an entire fucking party about hating you, every year! Do you know how much you have to care to do something as stupid as that?

Blitzo: Stolas, you are better off without me. 'Kay? You deserve so much... I don't even know why you would want to be with me.

'I mean you're a fucking prince.' Blitz is technically correct here, but if we consider the Truth Seekers statement, I believe it tells us that Blitz, at least subconsciously, sees Stolas as more than just a prince during this scene, he sees Stolas the man here, not just Stolas the prince. And honestly, that probably makes it hurt more to Blitz, since he's still in disbelief/denial that Stolas has these feelings for him at this point.

Especially considering what it's followed up with, which I'd like to mention doesn't have a single swear word in it whatsoever, telling us even more just how sincere Blitz is when he said that final line.

Verosika: How do you think I felt? When the fun guy I was dating decided to just bail on me because I made the shitty mistake of saying I love... Ugh! It was the most embarrassing feeling. To be vulnerable for once and... you really just know how to send a message in the shittiest, fucking way.

Verosika: The worst part is you still make me feel like a bad person for being angry at you now.

Verosika: But, hosting this party, for everyone else you've dicked over? At least I can help others cope with the shit you did. What? No snarky comeback?

Blitzo: No. You're right. I actually am, ya' know... sorry. I-I don't want to be this way. Not forever.

Verosika: Looks like Stolas is having a good time.

Blitzo: Yeah, well. He needs it.

Again, just pay attention to the fact that Blitz didn't swear once during the part of the conversation I just showed, showing once again even more just how sincere Blitz is being here, to not be the way he is forever, to let Stolas have his good time at the party.

S2 E8:

Blitzo: What?! FUCK you, Stolas! You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding? Can I get a FUCKING minute to think after everything you put me through, you pompous, rich ASSHOLE?!

Blitzo: Treat me like one of your little butler imps?! You can't just dismiss me like that! I mean, you royal fucks think you can do this EVERY TIME, like you can just play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as IMPORTANT! Well, I'm not letting you, BITCH! LET'S GO!

Stolas: Blitzo... I think so very highly of you... I didn't realize you think so low of me...

Blitzo: Stolas, wait! I'm s-

You know, the amount of swearing in that part of the episode tells me something, that what Blitz said during the peak of his outburst was exaggerated a little. Does Blitz make some completely valid points during that outburst? Yes. Is what Blitz said during said outburst a bit exaggerated because he was in the heat of the moment? Yes. Both of these can coexist, and I do completely understand why Blitz said what he said during that argument. (I'm not choosing a side on who was in the wrong in the full moon argument here, btw)

And, the lack of swearing when the realisation hits to Blitz of what he's just done, right as he tries to apologise to Stolas just further tells me that Blitz did genuinely mean that 'I'm sorry', he said right before Stolas teleported Blitz out.

S1 E8:

Blitzo: Fuck, Fizz was right. I'm gonna die alone, aren't I? Just a wrinkly, old, withered, waste. Will you be there, Loonie?

Loona: Be...where?

Blitzo: I dunno, jus- ...lonely... Die alone...

Loona: I'll be there, Dad.

Loona: Now go the fuck to sleep... okay?

Blitzo: Millie... Moxxie... Stolas...

Again, pay attention to the lack of swearing in that part of the conversation, minus one 'fuck' at the start of it, it just adds to showing us just how raw and genuine Blitz's emotions are during this scene, showing us that Blitz genuinely believes that he's gonna die alone, and also showing us just how much Blitz still cares about Fizzarolli, Loona, Millie, Moxxie and Syolas.

S1 E7:

Stolas: You know, I have some more wine in the house. Octavia's with her mother this weekend. So, we could--

Blitzo: I'm not fucking you tonight, okay? I'm really just I'm really not in the mood, Stolas.

Stolas: We could talk, or... watch a movie, or... maybe cuddle?

Blitzo: Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time. But, I just, I-I can't do it tonight, okay?

Blitzo: I'm sorry.

Stolas: Okay. Goodnight, Blitzo.

Blitzo: Night.

What I find interesting here is that the two times the word 'fuck' is used throughout this scene, it's used to replace the word 'sex', so thinking about this scene through the lens of that statement, it shows us even more just how much Blitz believes in what he's saying, especially when he says "Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time."

Finally, S1 E6:

Moxxie: Do you remember what you said to me after my first day with the company?

Blitzo: ...Not really.

Moxxie: I remember. You told me I did a good job and that you were proud to work with me. I feel like you wanted to say something more judgmental, but... you said that because I needed it... And it helped.

Blitzo: Look, I'm hard on you, because I know what you're capable of, Mox. You care too much about what everyone thinks except for... me, because, y'know, my opinion is correct, but just... keep doing a good job. 'Kay? You shoot 'n kill good, you escape things easy... you can be strategic and cold-blooded when you need to, aaaand don't expect any more compliments; I'm maxed out.

Moxxie: Thank you, sir.

Blitzo: You know my name... Use it.

Moxxie: Thanks, Blitzo.

No euphemisms, innuendos or swears, showing us that when Blitz was talking to Moxxie in this scene, that he was 100% being serious in what he said.

So in conclusion: I have shown multiple examples where if you think about them through the lens of the statement "Blitzo was using a total of zero euphemisms, innuendos, or swears. That means it was serious, which means I don't open it until--", you start to see more depth within those examples I have shown in this post.

[goose-duck]

Creepypasta incorrect quotes ⭐

~~~~~~

Nina: spirit Halloween opened up early and my poor money decisions are always open so I bought a bunch of stuff

~~~~~~

Jeff: so...are we the best or the worst?

Toby: yes, sir.

~~~~~~

Jeff: he doesn't have eyeballs bro- he probably doesn't have balls either...

~~~~~~

Nina: he's ugly, I love him

~~~~~~

Y/N: There's just something abt his lack of a mouth and being less fluffy that makes me want him

Toby: he can't scream

Y/N: perfect

~~~~~~

Jeff: best friends!!

Y/N: nooOOOOO!!!!

~~~~~~

EJ: I learn from the mistakes of people who take my advice

~~~~~~

Y/N: heading into work~

*explosion*

Y/N: or maybe not-

~~~~~~

Nina: so romantic~

Jeff: *screaming*

Nina: romance <3

~~~~~~

Y/N: Jack, why am I in this room?

EJ: am I responsible for you moving from room to room now?

Y/N: yes.

EJ: then stay in that room.

~~~~~~

Toby: it's an elevator

Masky: this is a ladder, Toby.

Toby: imagination ✨

Hoodie: just because you put a sign that says "elevator" doesn't mean it's actually an elevator.

Toby: imagination ✨

~~~~~~

Y/N: but not me, because no one can get mad at me

Jane: I feel like in an hour we're all gonna be mad at you for something

~~~~~~

Toby: I made a house, what did you make?

Sally: a balloon

Toby: wonderful

~~~~~~

Jeff: just don't be blind

EJ: wow, you've cured me

~~~~~~

Toby: someone please take me off this fucking planet

~~~~~~

Y/N: Don't look at ceilings when ur tired. Never know what you'll see.

Toby: context, please

Y/N: Thought I had a fucking ceiling fan but it was just the balloons that I refuse to take down from my 13th birthday. I can't tell if I'm tired or stupid but I think either way it's correct.

Toby: it's probably both

Y/N: Exactly- It scared the shit outta me too-I saw it and was so fucking scared that I might have a ceiling fan in my room-

Toby: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA A FAN! ITS ON THE CEILING!!

Y/N: Y/N, Weakness: ceiling fans that may or may not be there

Toby: strength: walking in high heels, weakness: imaginary ceiling fans

~~~~~~

Hoodie: it's just a deer or something

Masky: bro, that is not a deer

~~~~~~

Jeff: *sees a spider* I should have just bombed the house the last time I saw one of you fuckers

~~~~~~

EJ: I'm doing good...im doing great...i have a headache.....

~~~~~~

Jeff: this is like when I threatened to steal your skin and bones and stuff

~~~~~~

Jeff: it's like if a heat stroke were a room

Y/N: me

Jeff: no, you're like if a heat stroke were a person

Y/N: oh

~~~~~~

Y/N: tree tops

Jeff: crispy

Nina: crispy tree tops?

Jane: why are they crispy?

EJ: why is everyone talking about trees??

~~~~~~

Jane: I'm moving the pumpkins, sorry, Toby

Toby: nooo, my life's work...

~~~~~~

Toby: would you be more offended if I got a mug of milk or orange juice?

Masky: milk.

~~~~~~

Jeff: they're all safety scissors, I don't think I can possibly be unsafe with them

*pile of about 10 safety scissors*

~~~~~~

LJ: I took some of his teeth and coloured them like candy corns

~~~~~~

Jeff: I'll steal ur hair, I'll take ur eyebrows and I'll steal ur skin too

Toby: please, that's all I have

Jeff: U have bones, mucles, veins, blood, cartilage and organs that I could take too

Toby: no thanks

~~~~~~

Hoodie: Masky is this big *puts his fingers together*

~~~~~~

Jeff: what are you doing dude?

Y/N: hugging? I think??

Jeff: it's weird...

Y/N: yeah, let's never do that again

~~~~~~

Y/N: die.

Toby: :0

Y/N: in a nice way..?

~~~~~~

Nina: I'm sure there's someone in Fabio who's named Russia

Jane: what?

Nina: yup.

~~~~~~

Jeff: I hit myself in the face with an eye!

EJ: give it to me!

~~~~~~

Ben: what the rational number?

~~~~~~

Toby: I think I failed at life...

~~~~~~

*Jeff and Toby leave the room*

Masky: well, that was a headache

Hoodie: which one?

EJ: both.

~~~~~~

*Jeff walks by*

Jane: look at him, he's greasy

~~~~~~

Y/N: why are you only offended when Jeff says something?

EJ: because it's Jeff

~~~~~~

Toby: well how's this right?

Jeff: because I'm here!

~~~~~~

Jane: I'm going to Halifax

Jeff: Hali-fuck you

~~~~~~

Sally: I saw a girl and she was young

Y/N: you're young

Sally: I'm 8

Y/N: exactly, young.

Sally: so you're a grandma?

~~~~~~

Toby: fellas, if you need me, I'll be living inside this cabinet

~~~~~~

Y/N: I'm afraid of togetherness

[airenyah]

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Eps 1-2

(Overview | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep11)

Inspired by @secriden's metas on Style here and to a certain extent also here and also from some comments about Style's apparently "swagless" and "rizzless" flirting, I went on a rewatch of the first two episodes (a rewatch which I thought was a GREAT idea to start at midnight and made me stay up till 4:30am even tho I had uni the next day lmao rip), a rewatch that served as a quest to find answers to some questions I was wondering about.

Mainly I was curious about two topics:

1) Style and his level of Being Annoying™

How annoying is Style right now?

Is he being annoying on purpose?

Why? Why not?

2) Style's flirting

Is he actively flirting right now?

Why? Why not?

I wanted to know what exactly Style was doing and why he was doing it. And I figured I might as well share my thoughts publicly as some people might be interested in reading about how I personally see Style's journey in these first two episodes that have aired as of me writing this.

So without further ado... let's get into it!

Episode 1

No. 1: Meet Cute Meet Angry

It's Style and Fadel's first meeting and they're already off to a very bad start. Style has just crashed into someone else's car, which is not exactly something you would generally wanna do just for fun, Style gets yelled at for it (valid), and then, when Style actively tries to fix his mistake, the person whose car he crashed into gets even more pissy about it and even actively denies Style his attempt of taking responsiblity for his fuck-up.

And yes, Style is in fact annoying to Fadel here, because first of all, of course you'd be annoyed when someone crashes into your car, especially when that driver is potentially drunk and even admits to not paying attention to the road while driving and second of all, because in this particular case the accident comes with exceptionally bad timing for Fadel and the murder evidence in his trunk. But overall, I don't think Style is any more annoying here than your avarage idiot boy.

In fact, I would even argue that here Style isn't so much annoying as simply just very fucking stupid. He is stupid for getting behind the wheel when potentially drunk (he says he only had a single beer, but we can't confirm for sure as we didn't get to see it) and he's even more stupid for texting while driving. And he is stupid for not seeing either of these things as that big of a big deal. Your avarage idiot boy.

We know his heart is in the right place though, because Style instantly tries to take responsibility for his mistake (because despite his idiocy, Style is smart enough to realize that he did in fact make a mistake) and despite getting yelled at and scolded throughout the entire interaction, he isn't actively trying to piss Fadel off. Instead, he actually tries to calm Fadel down by fixing his mistake, in the metaphorical sense as well as in the quite literal sense of fixing Fadel's car. Style was just very unlucky that he got the wrong person at the wrong time who does NOT have time for Style's idiot boy stupidity.

Fadel, who was already grumpy to begin with, drives off in an even worse mood and Style is left behind, not in the best mood himself either.

Fun fact: throughout the entire scene Style and Fadel use the polite pronouns phom/khun for each other. However, when Style yells after Fadel, for just this one sentence he switches to the rude first person pronoun guu:

สอนกูเป็นพ่อเลยนะ [sŏn - guu - bpen pôr - loiie - ná] teach - I/me - as a dad - [particle for emphasis] - [particle]

(If you're not familiar with Thai pronouns, see here)

No. 2: Fadel Brings His Car

When Fadel shows up at Style's garage to drop off his car, Style is actually in a very good mood. He's having the time of his life jamming to the song and when Fadel shows up, Style greets him happily, despite their first interaction having been rather rough. Style doesn't hold a grudge for the way Fadel talked to him last time and he has no reason to piss Fadel off or to annoy him. I mean, why should he? After all it was Style's own mistake and Fadel's anger was pretty justified. For all Style knows, Fadel was just having a bad night that time and isn't usually this grumpy.

I don't think Style is really being annoying in this scene, nor is he flirting, even when he asks Fadel if Fadel thinks Style looked cool while dancing and immediately follows up with flexing his muscles. I think that's just part of his personality. Style is loud and eccentric and he is unabashedly being himself. Which, yes, this type of personality can be annoying for some people (Fadel), but I'd say it's a fairly normal, avarage level of being annoying for a person with this sort of personality. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Style greets Fadel happily and I think him asking Fadel on his opinion on Style's dancing as well as his muscles is actually an attempt to start an amiable conversation with Fadel. When Fadel doesn't take up Style's offer of friendly banter, Style lets it go ("Fine. I'm not messing with you anymore.") and gets down to car business, still in a good mood.

Style just tried to be friends with Fadel, and it's Fadel who comes in with an attack, questioning Style's skills as a mechanic ("I just hope you can fix it like you said you could."). Style assures him that he can and asks about Fadel's car insurance. Fadel doesn't have it. Style asks how he's supposed to fix Fadel's car in this case and if he's supposed to pay the repairs himself, which I think is a valid question for the position of car mechanic that Style is now at this point standing in front of Fadel as.

Fadel launches another verbal attack at Style ("You want me to pay for the whole repair? You were drunk and on the phone during the accident. It’s your responsibility to pay for that. Good thing it was just a rear bumper. If it had been a man you hit, what would you do?") and this time the tone of his voice is also very angry and sharp. Style tries to calm Fadel down ("Relax.") and yields, agreeing to fix the car nonetheless. He asks for the vehicle registration, which is his job as a car mechanic, but Fadel doesn't have that either.

And when Style then accuses Fadel of potentially having stolen the car, I think he isn't really actively trying to piss Fadel off with this, nor is he trying to be annoying. I think this is a direct response to Fadel's attacks. Because Style has been nothing but amiable and friendly to Fadel, has done nothing but try to do his job as a mechanic properly. I think Style does find it shady that Fadel doesn't have any of the paper work for the car and he does wanna avoid getting involved in any potential shady business (oh boy, just you wait...) but I think he also uses this moment to challenge Fadel back. I don't think Style is trying to start a real fight, because he is very quick to calm Fadel down and to yield again, agreeing to fix the car already, still in an attempt to be friendly with this strange, grumpy man.

Style doesn't hold a grudge, he tries to have an amiable conversation with Fadel, gets attacked multiple times again, does defend himself a little in a bit of a counterattack, but stays friendly with Fadel until the very end. When Fadel leaves the garage, Style's mood is more serious than it was in the beginning, but his good mood isn't completely ruined. I think part of him also kinda had fun challenging Fadel a little like that and talking back to him.

Pronoun situation: they consistently use phom/khun throughout the entire scene.

No. 3: Sensitive Nipples

I think this is the point where Style actively tries to be at least a little annoying. I think by now Style has figured out that Fadel is just naturally grumpy at all times. In both conversations that they've had so far Fadel has mostly just attacked Style with every sentence that has come out of his mouth. I think at this point Style is done with the constant attacks and with constantly being scolded and decides to mess with Fadel a little bit, because if he's already getting yelled at anyway no matter whether he makes an actual mistake (their first meeting) or whether he's trying to be friendly (their second meeting), he might as well have fun with it. Especially since part of him did have fun challenging Fadel last time. And this time he one-ups himself a little bit, even. Because this time he's not trying to be friendly and have an amiable conversation as if to make friends with Fadel. Why should he? As far as Style knows, this should be the last time he sees Fadel. Once Fadel has left with his car, they have no reason to meet again. He can afford to give Fadel a little bit of a "fuck you, see you never again" parting gift.

So Style teases Fadel, like when he pulls his hand away when Fadel makes a grab for the car keys, he challenges Fadel, and invites him to play along. You can see it in the look he throws Fadel after revealing the pin:

His facial expression kinda says: "Well? Whatcha gonna do about it? What is your next move?"

Style has now turned Fadel's constant stream of attacks into a game. And Fadel recognizes that actually:

The subtitles may put it as "I don't have time for this" but what Fadel says here in Thai is:

ผมไม่มีเวลาเล่นกับคุณนะ [phŏm - mâi - mee - whe-laa - lên - gàp - khun - na] I - not - have - time - play - with - you - [particle]

"I don't have the time to play with you." But Style doesn't care that Fadel isn't up for playing. He tries to get Fadel to play along anyway when he tells Fadel to get the pin off Style's shirt himself. It's a flirty move, but it's not meant to be actually flirty. It's another challenge in the game and this time Fadel agrees to play. And Style looks rather satisfied:

And then he goes even further when he tells Fadel to be careful with his "sensitive nipples". It's a flirty statement, but again, I don't think it's meant to be actually flirty in the traditional sense of "I want to get into your pants" but rather we're dealing a question of power, and attempt to get the upper hand even more. However, Fadel gets the last laugh by hurting Style. But Style now knows that Fadel will play along if Style is persistent enough. And Style has FUN playing with Fadel, messing with him:

Of course, when he yells this, he's being sarcastic because this exclamation is motivated by anger about Fadel poking him and also at Fadel's grumpy behaviour in general, but I do think he's telling the truth when he says he's having fun with it. It's in the way he huffs in amusement afterwards and smiles a little.

Pronoun situation: they consistently use phom/khun throughout the entire scene.

No. 4: Secret Deals

Style hadn't been expecting to run into Fadel again and now his best friend asks him to hit on the very guy he's been having problems with and wasn't planning on facing again. Style is very unhappy about this turn of events and really does NOT want to do it at first. Because as much as he was enjoying messing with Fadel in their last meeting, I think all in all he has decided he doesn't like Fadel. I think he's holding a bit of a grudge that Fadel dared to hurt his oh so sensitive nipples and I think Style is also very done with continuously getting yelled at by Fadel. Because in every single time they've met so far, Fadel has hardly ever said ONE thing to Style that wasn't in the form of yelling or scolding. So I think when Kant shows up with "hey can you flirt with the guy who's been verbally attacking you non-stop pls" Style is like nah i'm outta here.

But in the end he does agree to Kant's proposition because first of all, he sees it as an opportunity to finally get the car of his dreams and second of all, he was having fun riling Fadel up and playing games with him. And I do think Style is up for round 2 of that game. If only to get revenge for the constant yelling and the nipple pain.

No. 5: A Special Customer

And I think here is the first time where Style makes the decision to be annoying on purpose. Yes, he was already actively trying to be annoying in the "sensitive nipples" scene, but I think this scene is the first first time where he's not just trying to be a little annoying for his own amusement, but now there's a purpose to it, a goal.

Kant has asked Style to hit on Fadel, but Style doesn't walk into the diner with the goal of flirting with Fadel but rather Style walks into the diner with the purpose of annoying the shit out of Fadel. And it's 10000% revenge for the nipple. And also the constant stream of yelling. But mostly the nipple. And the fact that Fadel had the last laugh there. Joke's on Style, though, because Fadel will also win this one. But Style doesn't know that yet.

Style wants to get back at Fadel and so he really turns up his level of annoyingness. He invites himself into the diner when it has just closed, he makes Fadel serve him a whole bunch of beers and watch him get tipsy and he forces Fadel to stay at work way past opening hours.

Side note: They've been consistently using phom/khun with each other, except for that one sentence that Style yells at the end of their first meeting and that wasn't even to Fadel's face. Now, they start the scene with phom/khun, but Style calls Fadel nong a couple of times when he sits down and calls for more and more beers. He also calls Fadel nong, when he says "Won’t you join me, handsome?" What the subtitles translate as "handsome" in Thai is:

น้องสุดหล่อ [nóng - sùt - lòr] nong - most - handsome

When Fadel walks over and tells Style that he is drunk, Fadel uses khun to address Style and from that moment on Style is back to phom/khun as well.

Style was so done with Fadel that it's only when he's got a few beers in that he finally manages to do what he's actually supposed to be here for: to hit on Fadel for Kant.

He gets up, drops some flirty shit, then pulls Fadel closer. Fadel wants him gone. He pushes Style away and angrily tells him to go home. Style refuses. He came here on a mission and he'll go through with it, goddammit.

Fadel realizes that simply just yelling at Style won't work as a method of getting rid of Style and so Fadel changes his strategy. He starts playing along with Style's game. He leans down to Style, gets really close, pretends he's about to make out with him or whatever and Style thinks he's got him. Until Fadel drags him out of the diner by his feet. Fadel played Style's game and won. And Style is seriously angry now. We can tell not just from the way he rattles at the door and from the rage in his voice when he's screaming outside the diner, but also from his pronoun use in this specific sentence:

Because up until that point he was using phom/khun with Fadel in the scene, except for the beer ordering montage, where he called Fadel nong just to be extra annoying. Even when Fadel is dragging him out the door and when he is yelling outside the door, Style uses phom/khun. That is, until he says "I'm gonna take you out!" A more literal translation of what Style says here is something along the lines of "I'm making you my boyfriend!" and he is so angry, that he actually switches to the rude guu/mueng for this specific sentence:

กูจะเอามึงเป็นแฟนกูให้ได้ [guu - jà - ao - mueng - bpen - faen - guu - hâi dâi] I - will - take - you - be - boyfriend - I/my - for sure

Where the last few times whenever Fadel has left him standing, Style was kinda irritated and maybe a little offended (the nipples), Style is seriously pissed now.

Episode 2

No. 6: A Shower at the Market

Yes, Kant may have hired Style to hit on Fadel, but when Style spots Fadel at the market, I don't think he goes after Fadel with the goal of flirting with him. No. Last time they interacted, Style was left absolutely, seriously pissed and definitely also a little bit humiliated with the way Fadel just dragged him out of the diner by his feet. So when Style spots Fadel, he decides to be a little shit again. He is once again annoying on purpose, and not for his flirty mission for Kant. Style's goal here is to get revenge for what happened at the diner.

As I said, Style felt a little humiliated at the diner. I think it's interesting how immediately after that, the next time he sees Fadel he messes with Fadel in a way that paints Fadel as "the bad guy". Style purposefully flings the vegetables at Fadel's feet (a little satisfaction for Style) and then he even gets the attention of the other people at the market to then loudly yell accusations about/to Fadel. This is Style's attempt at humiliating Fadel to get back at the way Fadel humiliated him in the diner incident. We know this, because he explicitly says so: "You humiliated me. Now it’s my turn. We’re even."

Style is the one scolding Fadel now. After having been yelled at non-stop by Fadel, I think Style is very much using the opportunity to finally have an excuse to yell at Fadel as well. And the way he loudly and dramatically shouts at Fadel and shouts across the entire market? Oh, he is very much enjoying that he now finally gets to yell at Fadel himself, that he finally gets to scold him back, even if he had to create this opportunity by framing Fadel for something he didn't actually do wrong. Everything Style is doing here, every action and every word is motivated by revenge. Unfortunately for him, Fadel once again leaves the scene as a winner.

Oh, and by the way: Style is back to the polite phom/khun for this entire scene. Fadel also continues to use phom/khun.

No. 7: Anything for the Car

Fadel has left Style standing dripping wet at the market place, humiliating him once again and this time in front of dozens of people, even. Style is absolutely done with Fadel now. He's got no interest in any kind of interaction with Fadel anymore, not even to mess with him or try to get revenge again. And I'm sure least of all he would want to flirt with him. He even tells Kant "Ain’t no way I’m doing it."

Style is done, he doesn't want any part of this anymore. But Kant manages to convince Style. Style gives in and agrees to try once more because he does want to help his beloved bestie (who he believes to be head over heels in love for the first time) and because his beloved car is still waiting for him, too.

I think, though, that if Kant hadn't talked him into it again, Style would have actually left Fadel alone from now on. He hadn't really been getting anything out of his interactions with Fadel. All he was getting was getting yelled at, getting hurt, and getting humiliated on multiple occasions. I think at this point going after Fadel is a waste of time for Style that is just not worth it. But then Kant shows up, practically begs him to continue bothering Fadel, and Style is like ughhh fine okay and goes to try again under the condition that Kant helps him figure out what Fadel likes so that Style has at least something to connect with Fadel over.

No. 8: Good Morning Krub

The last time Style talked to Fadel, Fadel left him standing dripping wet and humiliated in a market full of people. You'd think that Style would be accordingly irritated the next time he comes face to face with him and that Style would turn up his level of annoyingness again in order to get back at Fadel for it. But no. This time when Style approaches Fadel, he's not actively trying to be annoying, he doesn't approach Fadel with the purpose of being annoying.

Yes, he bugs Fadel again and yes, he is a little annoying about it, but I think this time it comes as a byproduct of the fact that Style is talking to a man here who he in reality doesn't really wanna talk to and who doesn't really wanna talk to him either. And yet, Style doesn't really wanna be annoying here. After his talk with Kant it's like Style tries to almost start "fresh" again. When he approaches Fadel, Style kind of genuinely tries now (for Kant. And the car. But I think he's mainly doing it in support of Kant this time).

And yes, he's being kinda loud and obnoxious, but that's just Style's personality. He actually tries to have a civil, almost amiable conversation again, similar the way he tried during their second meeting when Fadel dropped off his car at Style's garage. Style tries to be friendly again. It's in the way he's kinda a little amused when Fadel goes "This ain't badminton" after Style asks him to go for a run together and again, Style tries to be nice and friendly about it when he says that doing things in pairs is more fun than doing it solo.

But then Fadel opens his water bottle and for one scary moment Style re-lives his market place shower trauma. And he voices his worry out loud. And this is where it gets a little interesting when it comes to Fadel, because Fadel actually has a hint of genuine amusement on his face when he asks if Style is scared:

Style says no, he isn't scared, he's just not prepared to get wet again. And now Fadel is the one to start the teasing. He steps closer and threatens "If you follow me again, you’re not just getting soaked next time." But there is no actual malice in his voice, there's no real anger in his tone when he says "You’re not just getting soaked next time". And Style recognizes that, he responds to the teasing, the challenge that Fadel has just laid on the table: Style asks "What are you gonna do?", looking curiously and expectantly at Fadel...

And Fadel crushes his foot.

Of course, Fadel does this to one-up Style again and to make it clear how he feels about Style bothering him again when all he wants is some peace and quiet, but interestingly enough, he doesn't make another threat again nor does he order Style to piss off. Instead, Fadel actually invites Style to join him on his run: "If you want to join me, catch up."

It's debatable how serious that invitation actually was, since he literally just hurt Style's foot, getting him out of comission and making it unlikely for Style to actually follow him. And with that invitation Fadel is certainly also rubbing in the fact that he's just hurt Style when he says "catch up", rubbing in an unspoken "you can't anyway when you're in pain". But nevertheless, phrasing it as an invitation for Style to actually join him on the run is a risky move if Fadel is set on running solo, because there is still a chance that Style's determination and persistence is big enough that he bites through the pain and follows Fadel anyway. By now Fadel knows very well that Style is slightly unhinged and Fadel has no way of knowing what move Style is going to pull, no way of knowing if the pain is big enough to keep him from following Fadel or if he'll come running after Fadel after all. There is a real chance that Style would actually follow Fadel and Fadel seems to be okay with that possibility. Style doesn't try to catch up, though. Style has other plans.

Pronoun situation: they both use phom/khun throughout the entire scene.

No. 8: 10 Things I Hate About You (Style's Version)

When talking to Fadel just now, Style wasn't actually trying to be annoying, didn't mean to be annoying. Then Fadel crushed his foot. So now Style of course has to go be annoying again. Style shouting his encouragement and cheerleding chants at Fadel across the entire sports field isn't Style trying to flirt with Fadel. It's him being annoying on purpose to get back at Fadel for the pain in his foot. And it works. Fadel is annoyed.

No. 9: Moonlight Chick– Oh Wait Wrong Show

After that recent period where Style was completely done with Fadel and was starting to seriously dislike Fadel, wanting nothing to do with him anymore, this is now the point where Style is starting to actually have fun messing with Fadel again. Style is no longer pissed or holding any grudges. And while he is a little bit annoying on purpose here, his behaviour isn't motivated by trying to get revenge on Fadel. No, Style is now playing with Fadel and thoroughly enjoying himself now.

And he's not playing with Fadel in the sense of he's playing some sort of battle of powers where he tries to one-up Fadel like in some earlier instances before, no. It's more of a friendly sort of playfulness, he's trying to actively engage with Fadel, almost as if trying to get him to loosen up a bit. Which is why Style also immediately yields when Fadel says he'll go to a different store. Style doesn't want Fadel to go, Style wants Fadel to stay, he wants Fadel engage with him too, wants Fadel to play along with him. Fadel humors him, allbeit begrudgingly so. And Style is quite happy about that:

Pronoun situation: they use phom/khun throughout the entire scene.

No. 10: First To Eat... You

Fadel has humored Style and has let him help him with the groceries. Now he wants him gone. Style refuses to leave. Fadel doesn't care to argue anymore at this point. He's tired and he just wants to open his restaurant. So when Style sits down instead of walking out the door, Fadel can't be bothered to argue anymore and moves towards the kitchen. He doesn't make a single attempt to throw Style out, and I think Style sees that as a good sign, because he drops his "I’d like to be the first to eat… you" line. I don't think he's actively trying to hit on Fadel with this line here. I think he is trying to test the waters, wants to know how Fadel will accept his advances. Because right after he drops his line, he carefully checks Fadel's reaction:

And when Fadel just walks away wordlessly, Style shakes his head and stares after him, as if he's thinking to himself "This is never going to work, this man is impossible to get through to":

This is reflected also in the scene with Bison shortly after this where Bison tells Style to actually go for Fadel if Style happens to fall for him for real. It's reflected in the way Style is all "yeah that ain't happening, he can't even talk to me nicely". And when Bison goes "Fadel is rough on the outside and on the inside" and tells Style to give Fadel a good beating, Style looks at Bison with a kinda sceptical and hopeless expression. Then Bison walks away and Style thinks about it for a bit and then sighs, almost as if to say ooof, okay fine, let's do this, let's try this.

I think the conversation with Bison was another push to make him genuinely wanna try the flirting thing. Not just for revenge, not just because he wants to mess with Fadel and rile him up, not just because he enjoys being playful with Fadel. But because he genuinely wants to help his best friend and his potential one true love. And maybe, as @secriden points out, maybe also because he's starting to get curious what it is about Fadel, what's behind his thick high walls, if there's anything that makes Fadel worth the time and the effort, makes him worth loving.

Pronoun situation: they use phom/khun throughout the entire scene. (And so do Bison and Style, btw.)

No. 11: Cooking Show

With all these questions and the curiousity in mind after the talk with Bison, when Style shows up in the kitchen I think he isn't actually trying to be annoying at all, nor is he trying to flirt. I think he's trying to make friends with Fadel. Style is again trying to get Fadel to loosen up, to open up, is trying to connect with Fadel in an amiable way through something that Fadel is clearly passionate about. That's where he's coming from when Style starts pretending to be a commentator in a cooking show.

And Fadel? Actually plays along just a little bit. He's not very enthusiastic about it, but he's not complaining either. Except the more into his commentator role Style gets, the more annoyed Fadel gets and in the end he almost rolls his eyes kinda like "will this guy ever shut the fuck up":

Pronoun situation: Style uses phom/khun. Fadel doesn't use any pronouns. In fact, he does say a single word at all in this scene.

No. 12: Spotter

I think this is the first time where Style approaches Fadel with the actual goal of flirting. He doesn't approach Fadel in order be annoying in an attempt to get revenge on him, nor to mess with him because he's having fun riling Fadel up, nor does he approach him in a playful manner for his own enjoyment. No, I think this is the first time Style actively tries to flirt.

It's in the way he takes note of Fadel's veins. It's in the way he says he wants to build muscles because "maybe one day I’ll look as good as you", while shamelessly showing off the muscles he's already got. It's in the way he talks about getting frustrated at night and needing to let off steam (ahem...) (somebody sure will be letting of steam by the end of the evening). It's in the way he puts his knee between Fadel's legs, right by his dick. It's in the little encouraging nod and look he throws Fadel when he tells him he can call for Style at any time if he needs a spotter and that he'll be around.

And well, we all know this lowkey totally kinda works on Fadel.

Pronoun situation: still khun/phom for both of them.

No. 13: Sauna

Again, I don't think Style is being annoying on purpose here but rather Fadel just happens to be annoyed with him because Style shows up again and then just keeps talking and talking and never shuts up. Like yeah, of course that's annoying, but that's also simply just Style's personality. Style is talkative after all.

Style is being playful again, mixed with some genuine flirting (like when he gets naked right in front of Fadel's salad and when he gives Fadel permission to look). And I think next to the flirting, he is still attempting to involve Fadel in an actual amiable conversation and is still genuinely trying to connect with Fadel, trying to learn more about him (like when he asks about why he opened a burger joint specifically). Fadel tells him to shut up. Fadel does not wanna be involved in any amiable conversations with Style.

But Style doesn't give up and immediately goes on to the next topic (the meaning of Fadel's name). He also can't help tease Fadel a little (when he says Fadel isn't generous) but the teasing isn't really malicious, it's more playful, and somehow it works on Fadel, and Style actually manages to almost get into Fadel's pants under Fadel's towel. Well, until the man walks in, ruining the moment.

Pronoun situation: still khun/phom for both of them.

No. 14: Love at First Sight

Style is looking for Fadel and I assume he wants to follow up on where they left off in the sauna just now? But then Fadel corners him in the locker room and this is where it gets really interesting again because with all that talk about "love at first sight" and with the kisses he's planting on Fadel you'd think Style was actively flirting, but that's just not at all what is happening here.

When Fadel throws Style against the lockers, he openly declares war on Style. And it's not just through the aggressive shove and the choking alone, no. If you've been wondering why I've made a point in keeping up with the pronoun use, it's for this and this scene alone. Up until the point where Fadel runs out of the sauna, the two of them have almost consistently been using the polite pronouns phom and khun for each other, save for a few exceptions here and there in some particular instances. Fadel runs from the sauna, and the very first sentence out of his mouth after he's ambushed Style is:

ใครส่งมึงมา [krai - sòng - mueng - maa] who - send - you - [past tense marker]

Up until the point he runs away from the sauna, Fadel has only addressed Style using the polite khun. Fadel runs away from the sauna, then ambushes Style, shoves him against the lockers, chokes him, and as if that wasn't enough in addition to that he also changes from addressing Style with the polite khun to addressing him with the very rude mueng. Fadel has just openly declared war on Style. And Style? Style immediately fights back:

ไม่มีใครส่งกูมา [mâi mee krai - sòng - guu - maa] no one - send - I/me - [past tense marker]

He too changes from the polite phom to the very rude guu to refer to himself. He has done this before, but this time he actually does it right to Fadel's face. And they stick to guu/mueng for the rest of the scene. Both of them are finally done with the polite language.

Style isn't flirting here, isn't even being annoying on purpose. This is Style fighting. Fighting the battle that Fadel has just opened up. And when he kisses Fadel, he also isn't flirting. No, those kisses are a direct attack. And so is every word that Style utters in this scene.

The past few days I've seen several comments about whether Style is aware that Fadel is sus. Personally, I do think Style realizes (or is starting to realize at least) that Fadel is a lot more dangerous than Style had originally thought. And I think what clues Style in is the way Fadel is so set on Style having been sent by someone and persistent in his questions about who sent him. And also in the end when Fadel goes "don't say I didn't warn you", I think that that's also another moment of realization for Style. Like, Fadel is seriously pissed at this point and I think Style absolutel takes note of that. Not to mention how sus it was to Style already when Fadel didn't have the paperwork for his car or let him get close to his car the night of the accident. And now coupled with this ambush, I think all of it gives Style a hint that there's something very off about Fadel. There are only a couple more hours to go until episode 3 and I can't wait to see how this will continue.

(Overview | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep11)

[ddejavvu]

Whipped!Hangman would:

Tell everyone to "Be nice to them, or you're all dead. Every single one of you. Especially you, Big Bird." He emphasizes the last part with a point to Rooster

Let you win at pool because you look so happy when you win and he doesn't have the heart to actually win

Give you seashells he finds

Win you a prize at a claw machine. He would literally stand there the whole night and empty out his wallet if it means he gets to see that smile when he gives the plush

Give you flowers. Idc idc, he so would

Listen to you talk and talk and talk

Send you songs that remind him of you

save your contact with a little '<3' after your name

no bc around his team members he's a whole different person than he is with you, and that's not to say he's not 'himself' around you, but he knows his friends need to be threatened into good behavior so he runs ahead when you meet them with the nastiest glare on his face like i fucking dare you to act out and lets you grab his arm if you're a little nervous to meet everyone :'))

hangman is the reigning pool champion but everyone else must be super bad bc he always loses to you?? he's really not even that good at pool, you don't know why he keeps making the stupid mistakes he does... oh well! he's asked you to teach him your methods, so you'll have fun giving him pointers <3

hangman probably never collects seashells, because he's too impatient to sift through the sand for him and there's always better stuff to be doing, like chasing a frisbee, catching a football, diving into the waves is he a dog? but he always collects seashells after you're dating, he spots one by his foot and he's like woah y/n would love this. and he just sticks it right in his pocket for you, presents the little thing in his giant palm later with a smile, like here y'go darlin'. Ain't it pretty? It made me think of you.

HNNGGH PLEASE :(( penny puts in an arcade machine in the bar to make more money, and it's proooobably rigged, but you can't prove anything >:( anyways ofc hangman doesn't know this, and penny didn't think anyone would put that much effort into the machine for a stupid pink bear, but $30 later (all paid in ones) he's about to smash the glass to get the poor thing out and you beg penny to just let him have it already 😭 she's like yk what i can buy a truckload of cheap stuffed animals with that $30. sold. so she fishes it out for him and is like ohh must be bugging out. i'll fix it. take this in the meantime. and he hasn't held it for a second before he turns around and gives it to you :')) he's all sheepish like wish I could'a won it for you. Guess I just paid Penny off, huh? I hope you like it anyways. and you sleep with it every night to make him feel better, you tuck it between the two of you when you cuddle up to his chest :')

he brings you flowers all the time!!! he's a real southern gentleman, if you ask what they're for he says 'just because' or 'just for being you' :')

he has one of those expressions where he zones out while listening to you talk and you can totally tell he's not paying attention to you anymore, he's looking at you all dreamy the same way babies look at chocolate 🥹

jake hangman country boy seresin only listens to country music. that's it. he'll send you any honky tonk song under the sun if it describes a sweet, pretty love interest, if there's anything positive at all in the song he's sending it like morning, darlin. this made me think of you <3

THE <3 !!!!!!!!! rooster's the first one to see it and his brow furrows and he goes 'hangman, who is that?' and jake snatches the phone away from him so fucking fast, snapping at him to stop snooping on people, it's rude. but bradley's seen it now, and he'll be damned if he doesn't torture the info out of hangman. within minutes everyone knows hangman's got a girl, and it's only a matter of time before you're discovered <3

[qqueenofhades]

I also think leftists view liberals and centrists as worse than right wingers because liberals and centrists maintain the status quo, thus prolonging capitalism. In the case of accelerationists, they think a revolution is only possible if people are desperate enough to want one and so they often align themselves with right wingers who they know will make things worse (see MAGA communism as one example). To them it doesn't matter if the fascists will take power because they believe fascism always fails and communism will naturally follow. All the deaths will be worth it in the end.

I hit ask before I finished. I meant to add in parentheses that all of that is of course an oversimplification, but those are pretty much the arguments I saw in multiple leftists subreddit, on tumblr and twitter in the past few months. I know leftists irl are more normal.

See, this is what I mean when I point out that Online Leftists have become just as much of a zero-sum radicalized death cult as the MAGA Trumpists. They're willing to embrace any atrocity, global disaster, terrible people, and massive death toll as long as they think it'll bring their Shining Ideology (TM) to fruition, and then of course this will last a thousand years and never be changed and humans will bow down as a group to this Shining Ideology and destroying everything will be Worth It In The End. Apparently. This is complete ahistorical genocidal nihilistic gibberish, where any progress to fix the world and make a better future for the billions of people alive right now is actually Bad because What About the Glorious Revolution?!?! It is Totally Real! It Will Work! O Bow To Us Great Keyboard Warrior Dipshits! If You Don't Want to Violently Die With Everyone You Love, You Are Part of the Problem!!!!!

Now, I don't know about you, but I sure as fuck don't feel like sacrificing everyone and everything is a great tradeoff for whatever Communist Utopia these cosplaying pissbabies think would be the ultimate fruition of their labors. It's lazy, it's dangerous, it's stupid, it excuses them from ever having to do any effort to make the world better right now, and it feeds into the worst impulses and movements of humanity and the same mistakes that have been repeated in history over and over. This is basically what the late 19th-century and early 20th-century Communists thought: people would rise up in a Great Socialist Revolution, overthrow capitalism and fascism and every other bad thing in the world (which would somehow never ever come back, I guess) and then the future would be bright and shining forever. In practice, it resulted in tons of bloody and pointless deaths, a lot of failure, and some communist regimes that were absolutely zero improvement whatsoever on the oppressive systems they had replaced (and often were in fact MORE oppressive, but online leftists don't listen to people who actually grew up in these regimes and are not eager to see them come back). And guess what? Capitalism and fascism were not actually defeated Once and For All Time! Because yet again, you cannot just Violently Revolute your way to Ultimate Morally Pure Power once and for all, kill the Right People (aka everyone) and then everything is fixed forever. If it was ever going to work, it would have already done so. It has not. This fallacy is the cause of pretty much all the evil in human history. So. Yeah.

[ultimate-marysue]

Identity drama but it's not Bruce "I am the cowl" Wayne or any of the angsty edgy kids either. Identity drama but it's Dick Grayson not recognizing himself in other people's eyes.

His family idolizes him to an unhealthy extreme. Most of his siblings are obsessed with him, look up to him, think he can do no wrong. He's Bruce's golden boy, the first boy wonder, always perfect despite never having been like that in his time as Robin.

Most of the Hero community treats him like the second coming of Jesus, like the absolute peak of what a vigilante should be. They talk about him like he's some sort of legend instead of a human being doing his best. It's flattering, but he isn't as awe inspiring.

Plenty of rogues and civilian friends see him as a himbo. The list of people genuinely and wholeheartedly thirsting over him like he's a slab of meat is concerning. Sure, he knows he's hot, he enjoys flirting. It's fun, but that's not his entire personality. People can get really weird about that kind of stuff, because sure, it's one thing to wink or wolf whistle and another to get weirdly parasocial.

Dick Grayson that gets back to Titan's Tower or to the Clocktower, back to his actual peers the people who have seen him grow up, and finally finds himself there. In Babs sarcastic comments or Kori's playful banter. In Wally's concerned look or Roy's teasing.

They have seen him at his worst: stupid, cocky, jealous, paranoid, rude, edgy, depressed... They don't fawn over his perceived virtues. His friends know he's a great vigilante, they trust him as their leader and value his competency... And yet they know he can make mistakes. They trust their own abilities, and they know Dick does as well. They see each other as equals and thus, there's no pedestal to put him on.

They know he's handsome, they might have had an embarrassing crush at some point, but his attractiveness doesn't change anything. They're used to it, they might joke about it, but they've grown up together: it's not a big deal.

Babs and the Titans know he likes to be silly, to flirt and joke in order to keep things lighthearted. They also know that's all it is: something he likes to play with. Dick is a brilliant strategist, and he's a hopeless romantic who prefers to date rather than fuck around. They know he's taking things seriously even as he tries to diffuse the tension.

When Dick comes back from a call with Tim and gives Roy a very thoughtful and introspective advice, the other man just (lightly) bonks him in the head and tells him to drop it. When he's coming back from patrol, all jokes and witty one liners, Babs just snorts and gives him permission to stop the performance Circus Boy. When he's acting all suave and seductive, Kory giggles and gives him a little kiss. "You know you don't have to do that with me!" And Dick just melts into her. "Dude it's just me!" Is Wally's way of getting Dick to stop bearing around the bush and just bitch to him about whatever's bothering him. Donna only needs one look, and her friend's dropping the hero posture, looking like an actual human being.

Dick is a performer, and he plays many parts in order to be the best hero, the best sibling he can be. Sometimes he doesn't even realize he's doing it, sometimes it's hard to take off the mask. Sometimes people talk about him and he's not sure who this person is. Sometimes he thinks he might be trapped in these personas. Lucky for him, his friends are there to remind him of who he is.

[colebabey888]

Stop Giving A FUCK | The IT GIRL DIARIES

🩷loving myself unconditionally

i learnt to love myself unconditionally, i did this by first accepting my flaws. there was a time that i was someone i didn't like, did things that present me, would be disgusted by, but nonetheless I had to accept that girl that I was before, because it sounds cliché, but without her, I wouldn't be who I am today. So, accept the parts of yourself that you don't/didn't like and then you won't find the need for anyone else to.

🩷comfort in solitary

most people have a hard time being alone and this can actually be a very negative thing, when it comes to growing within and gaining independence. i used to be one of those people. being alone scared the sh!t out of me and this caused me to often mold myself into others perspective of who they wished me to be, just so I could be accepted and not be left alone. because of this, if i lost someone, a friend or a lover, i would break down and become so lost. eventually i grew out of this habit and it changed me entirely. being alone is not a bad thing, in fact, it's a pretty positive attribute to mental growth and stability. learn to be comfortable with yourself, in your own presence. a cliché saying "life is like a book, each chapter comes with different characters, some old and some new". when i began to find comfort in my own solitary, this phrase helped me a lot. everyone in your life is just side characters, no one is permanent. some people might stay and some might leave but the one who always remains, is yourself. be happy with just you. find peace within your own presence. this way, you will accept those who arrive, openly and walk away from those who leave, graciously.

🩷nothing is personal

it's human nature to project. whatever it may be, negativity or positivity, we as humans always project and the amazing about that is, we can choose whether to accept the projection or not. ( nothing other people do or say, is because of you. it's because of themselves - Don Miguel Ruiz ). i often used to take a lot of things personally, from people who didn't even know me personally. which is straight up stupid, because in reality, if someone doesn't know you, it is IMPOSSIBLE for them to judge or have an opinion of you or your character. if someone's insults you, it's not because what they're saying is true, it's because they're projecting their own negative mind. your mind is made up of thoughts you create regarding yourself, the way you see yourself, speak to yourself, is the way you see and speak to others, so in this case, if someone insults you, it's because they hate themselves, not you. you're just a vessel they're trying to pour into because they're too full of hate against themselves already, that they have to begin using others as their negative thoughts keeper. if they don't know you personally, don't take it personally. ( this paragraph is especially important to me and i learned a lot from reading THE FOUR AGREEMENTS By Don Miguel Ruiz and i urge you to do the same if you're struggling with taking things easily to heart )

🩷mistakes are just lessons

i often tend to hold myself accountable for a lot of mistakes I've made in the past. I live with a lot of regret, but as cliché as it may sound, the mistakes you've made in the past are what made you who you are today. In order to grow for the future, you have to accept all the mistakes you've made in the past, this can often be hard at times depending on what mistake it was that you made, but the way to make this easier, is to take your mistakes as lessons. If you do not agree with an action made by yourself from the past, do not repeat it for the future, if you ever find yourself in a similar situation as to when you made that mistake, go about a different route and the outcome will be different. you cannot change the past, all you can do is accept it, for the future.

mwah! xoxo, colebabey8.88

www.thedigitaldollar/gumroad.com

[spoofymcgee]

waiting for night

Roy is good at waiting.

Nobody expects it. Every coach and manager he's ever had had been surprised at how easily he could settle in and let time pass, on a hallway bench or in a bus seat.

He's patient with time, not people, is the thing. Time is going to go as quickly as it will, and knowing that lets him use it to his advantage. People are just stupid. Roy would know, he certainly is.

One or two of his girlfriends have asked him what he thinks about, when he goes quiet and still and stands to the side of time passing. They didn't believe him when he said it was nothing.

He wasn't lying, though. His brain just kind of shuts off, piece by piece, like a screen dimming and going into sleep mode. He'll wake if you tap him–and probably tap back harder–but until then it's necessary systems only.

Doctor Fieldstone says this doesn't mean he's stupid, but Roy thinks otherwise.

He's not useless, he knows that. He can fit information into his skull well enough, and it stays there for the most part, no matter how many balls he's taken to the head. He's fit enough; used to be better, of course, but he's not bad for forty, and the important part is that his muscles know what they're doing once he trains enough. They settle into expected grooves, connecting with the situation quick and figuring out what to do.

But he can't think. Can't visualize, which is the big difference between him and Jamie.

Jamie's told him he dreams in football, sometimes. Countless scenarios, puzzling out what to do. He watches the game tapes and rarely ever makes the same mistake in the same way twice, because he can turn it over in his head and figure out exactly what he should have done.

Learning how to include other people in his mental game, and giving his body the strength and flexibility it needs to meet his imagination has made him so much better because of that.

The drills don't hurt, but Jamie never gets the ball without knowing exactly what to do with it.

Roy, when he played, had no clue what was going to happen until it already had.

He'd thought it would make him a shit coach, and he hadn't been wrong, exactly, but only in that he couldn't visualize everything. The board, describing it out loud and talking it over, it worked. He knew his way around a field, knew everyone's strengths and weaknesses and it turned out all the rest was up to them.

The difference is what makes Jamie so good at what he does, and what had made him such a prick. It was a special kind of dickhead who was so sure of himself he thought he could see the future, and the fact that it worked made it worse.

But it also made him dedicated as fuck when he set his mind to it, in a way that Roy still marvelled st sometimes. If he could imagine himself doing something he'd go for it, and if he wasn't there yet he'd work until he was.

Roy had to charge in headfirst and hope it worked out, but he could tell Jamie to climb a tree and he's know he'd make it to the top before his hands hit the bark.

Everything from laps to strength training to drills to his fucking meal plan, he listened to Roy and slotted every word into his brain and pulled it off flawlessly.

It was like a work of art, Roy would think, staring at a marble statue and knowing someone had made it with two hands and a chisel but unable to believe it because it looked so perfect.

And then Jamie would trip on his own laces and fall flat on his face and get up with the most offended expression and Roy would flip from awe to something uncomfortably close to affection so fast it made him dizzy.

And that was the fucking problem, wasn't it?

Roy knew pretty much everything there was to know about himself at this point. One of the benefits of being fucking forty was having had more than a few years to figure out how his brain worked and who he was, and he was pretty solid on it.

He was Roy fucking Kent, decent at football and not bad at cooking and kind of shit at most everything else. Not a big talker, not too quick on the uptake with most things, a lot of cursing, an unfortunate weakness for shit reality tv shows.

And he was falling in love with Jamie fucking Tartt.

It hadn't been a problem at first. He'd hated how much Tartt threw off the team balance they were working hard on, no matter how good he was, and then he hated his stupid, stuck-up arse for his personality, and then he was gone for a bit and Roy could get on with his life.

Only he'd come back, and suddenly Roy was getting up at 4am for some fucking reason, hobbling out with half a yogurt and two ibuprofen in his stomach to counteract the ache in his knee, because the truth was, Jamie was good.

Whatever he'd been through since he left had pared away enough of his shitty attitude that he was bearable, and the team could really, really use him. They were good, but Roy could feel the rough edge Jamie could square away, and make them even better.

More than that, he'd asked. Looked Roy dead in the eyes and asked him to train him, said that he wanted to get better, that he wanted to listen.

And he did.

Plenty of grumbling, especially in the beginning, but that cut out if he got him out of breath enough, and the way he fucking—opened up like a flower in the sunlight or some shit, it was a little addictive.

Roy watched him get better and better and pride spread, warm and comfortable low in his chest, knowing he had something to do with it. It was Jamie's work, Jamie's dedication, doing what Roy told him.

And then they were having breakfast together after training, and Roy was fucking cooking for him, watching the way he reacted to every new ingredient the same way he did with new exercises in training, remembering what flavors he liked, ignoring the way something tightened in his chest when he told Jamie to get him a knife and he didn't have to ask where they were.

And it turned out the little shit was kind of funny when he wanted to be, and so fucking smart no matter how many self deprecating jokes he made about his maths skills. Roy felt like he could write a book, sometimes, about the look in Jamie's eyes as he cocked his head to analyze something.

He started hopping up to sit on the counter and chatter while Roy worked and Roy started having to ignore the little voice in his head wishing he'd been the one to pick him up and put him there, too.

He made good coffee and started carrying around tylenol and instant cold packs after Roy complained about his knee once, and said the stupidest things sometimes and then turned bright red from his neck to his ears.

Roy wanted to touch the tips of them, see if they were as hot as they looked.

He might have been stupid, but he wasn't that stupid. He knew what falling in love felt like.

That didn't change the fact that it was a bad idea.

A horrible, terrible, impossible idea, and Roy was used to loving people who would never love him back, but that was exactly the issue.

He knew Jamie by now, had listened as best as he could to things Jamie hadn't told anyone else, ever, had seen him exhausted and deliriously happy and crying and furious, knew his favorite kind of apple and that he got sick in stop and go traffic and the rotation of songs he hummed while doing the washing up, that he was scared of his dad but more scared of him finding his mum and hurting her, that he laughs when he's not sure what to say and sucks up at the smell of sewage.

And he's pretty sure Jamie's at least a little bit in love with him.

Between the way his eyes stray to Roy when he's done something he wants him to see, how he drifts unconsciously to his side when he's nothing better to do, the way he glows when Roy tells him he's done well, and the kind of blokes he glances at in the pub, Roy's almost definitely got a chance.

Which pretty much only serves to make everything worse, because he's well used to ignoring feelings he can't do anything about, but he could, and so he can't get the thought out of his head.

He dreams about pulling Jamie into his lap and kissing him, and wakes up feeling like a clump of hair in the shower drain. He puts his hands on Jamie's trapezius to correct his stretching posture and the desire to sink his teeth into them hits him so hard it almost bowls him over.

He turns the corner into his own living room one night, two beers held between his fingers, and the sight of Jamie socked out on his sofa aches. He wants to keep him there forever, tuck him in with a fucking blanket and make him tea. He wants to tell Jamie to pick his fucking socks up off the floor when he wakes up, to wash them and keep them there so he has to come back to get them.

He wants to keep Jamie, and he's nearly certain Jamie would let him.

It would work, even, he thinks. Roy is needy, he knows, but Jamie soaks up his attention like a cotton swab and alcohol, just about ready to combust with it. They play off each other well, know how to move together in the same space and never run out of things to talk about.

But Roy is his coach, and fifteen fucking years older than him which feels like it should be some sort of crime when he thinks about it for too long–not because they aren't both adults or because he's so much more wise or mature than Jamie, but he knows the kinds of faces people make about relationships like that, and the fact that he could drink before Jamie had all his baby teeth weirds him out.

Beyond that, Jamie deserves someone who can keep up with him. Roy's under no illusions about what kind of state he'll be in when he's older; he knows how it goes for football players. He's on the downward slope, and Jamie's just hitting his prime.

It would be worse, he thinks, to give Jamie everything he wants to give him and then just. Leave him alone, in however many years they'd have.

No one in Jamie's life would be thrilled with him being with Roy, and he doesn't want to be another reason his mother is disappointed in him.

These are all things he tells himself over and over, late at night when his brain won't stop writing Jamie's name across his eyelids, but nothing is more convincing than the simple fact that Roy doesn't want to lose him.

As sure as he is of himself, as much as he's nearly certain about Jamie, there's always a chance he'd say no. There's a bigger one Roy would screw everything up the way he always has before.

Jamie is already embedded so deep into his life that if he ripped himself away Roy thinks he would bleed out, all the joy and stability he's gotten used to vanishing like so much mist in sunlight.

So Roy waits.

He doesn't get in his own way as much these days, but he's happy, and he likes the way he lives no matter the ache in his throat and the words he locks behind his teeth.

If something's going to happen, Jamie will have to be the one to do it.

He can be patient, even if it means waiting for the end of the world.

Jamie, for the first time in his entire fucking life, or at least as long as Roy's known him, keeps him mouth shut and his hands to himself.

And it's good. It's better, even, and Roy's only a little miserable about it because he has Jamie, and he really couldn't ask for more because for the first time in his life he has someone who won't laugh too much when he says someone dumb, who's always there when he needs to talk and when he needs to sit and be silent for a bit, who knows more or less everything about him, and he's so fucking happy most of the time.

It comes to a head, finally, one evening in Roy's kitchen.

Jamie has soap suds up to his elbows and on his nose, hair pulled back with a sparkly black headbands Phoebe had given him a month back, the last dregs of sunlight streaming through the window and catching on the planes of his face.

Roy grips the doorframe like a lifeline, a thread and a smile away from being on his knees.

Jamie turns, meeting his eyes, and fuck.

Fuck.

The thing about being in love is that it fills you up, all the way, like a universe crammed under your skin, splitting you open at the seams until every thought shows plain on your face.

Like now.

"Hey," Jamie says softly, eyes crinkling at the edges. The light outlines him, golden-orange and getting lost in his hair, and Roy can't do this anymore.

"Jamie," he says, too low, too rough, and he doesn't have the words; he never does, they all get lost on the way from his head to his tongue, so he just looks at him, and hopes, his heart thudding in his throat.

"Ah," Jamie says. "Done waiting, are you?"

"...Yeah," he admits, and it feels like falling, stepping off a cliff and nothing there to catch him.

And then Jamie's across the kitchen, pushing him up against the counter by the doorway and fucking lifting Roy until he's sitting on it, which makes him feel like the bottom's dropped out of his world.

He grins at whatever face Roy must be making, and pulls the little step stool over from the corner with his foot so he can clamber up and then he's in Roy's lap, knees spread to rest on the counter on either side of him, weight settling just above Roy's knees.

He pressed their foreheads together, and it hurts Roy's eyes, seeing him up this close, but he might never close them again anyway. "What took you so long, old man?"

"That," Roy says roughly, after taking a second to process that he can feel the movement of Jamie's chest as he speaks. "A hundred other things."

"Don't care," Jamie says, easy as breathing. "Got you now. I'm not letting go. Never have, have I?"

"Like a fucking dog with a bone," Roy agrees. It comes out softer than he means. "Are you—"

"Yes," Jamie says, impatient. "I've been sure, can I fucking kiss you now you dickwad, I've only been waiting for years."

"Yes," Roy says, faster than he means to, and doesn't even have time to say 'wait, years?' because Jamie's lips are on his and he's shifting, pressing himself into Roy as close as he can get, and he's so fucking warm because he runs hot, and his hands are in Roy's hair and on the back of his neck and it's—

It's nothing like he thought it would be, messier and less coordinated but he thinks even Jamie's imagination couldn't live up to this, how it feels right down to his bones, like Jamie lives in the marrow of them now, or like he's cracked them open just to see what was inside and Roy wouldn't mind if he did.

He pulls back, already smirking, and Roy leans his shoulders back against the cabinets to free up his hands and pull Jamie back down by the hair before he can say anything.

He kisses him deeper this time, and Jamie fucking whimpers into it, which makes Roy feel like he's melting inside, nothing more than candle wax on the surface of the sun. He catches Jamie's lip between his teeth when he starts getting lightheaded with the lack of air and bites down lightly before letting go.

Jamie rocks back, looking thunderstruck, which is better.

"Holy fuck," he swears, shaking his head.

"Not yet," Roy says, before he can think better of it, and then feels himself turning red. "Uh—"

"As soon as fucking possible," Jamie informs him, eyes lighting up. "Man, that's gonna be brill—we ain't got plans for the evening, you know—"

"Too fast," Roy interrupts, but can't seem to keep his hand from straying down to Jamie's jaw and leaning in for another kiss, light and quick. "I want to. Don't want to go too fast."

Jamie pouts, bottom lip sticking out. It's red, teeth marks fading into the skin on the underside, and Roy runs his tongue over his bottom teeth. He did that to Jamie. "Fine. But I ain't doing the rest of the washing up until you make up for all the kisses you owe me for the past fuckin' year of waiting, you prick."

"Year?" Roy asks, and Jamie flushes, ducking his head.

"Or something. Fuck you, like you didn't want to shag me from the beginning, you wanker."

Instead of answering he tips his chin up and closes his teeth over Jamie's earlobe, earning himself a high pitched keen.

"Fuck, Roy," Jamie says, breathless in a way Roy never wants to stop hearing. "Ah! You're just bein' mean now."

"You expect something else from me?" he asks, words sliding against the underside Jamie's jaw.

"Hhhhhhhhh, no," Jamie says, going boneless against him. "Fuck, you're gonna give me beard burn on me face."

"Good," Roy says, and tries his best to do exactly that as the light fades.

They'll talk about it, when the kitchen is blue with twilight, ever fear Roy's had and how they've been waiting for each other, find whatever words they can manage and understand each other anyway.

Roy is good at taking things as they come. He has Jamie to do the dreaming for him.

[average-mako-enjoyer]

Bigots and Failed Promises of Mass Effect games

(I had this thing in my drafts for almost a month, and it would have stayed there if not for the wonderful post by @androidtrashfire, because I saw it, and I was like: "Fuck it, I have to rant about these games." I love Mass Effect, and I really think we should critique it. We should criticize things we love because silence = compliance.)

So I was talking to @liss-art recently about the bigoted fans in the Mass Effect fandom, and I think I need to make a post about it because it's something that really, truly bothers me, and it needs to be addressed.

Canon

Mass Effect is a story about deeply flawed people with a lot of problems, and through them it touches on issues like xenophobia, sexism, corruption, elitism, morality, identity. That's why we like it, right? But why are there so many bigots in the fandom? My theory is that it happens because Mass Effect, for all its supposed complexity, only touches on these issues without giving any meaningful commentary on them.

Here are a few obvious examples:

The Quarians are a distasteful allegory of the Roma people (right down to their accents). They are persecuted and ostracized for creating Geth, but the game never gives us any socio-political reasons why the Quarians did that. They just developed real AI because they were naive and stupid? Or because they were the only ones smart enough to do it? Did they do it in secret? Why did other races not make the same mistake?

Same with the Batarians. Yes, the game mentions tensions between humans and Batarians because humans try to claim territories that Batarians think are theirs, but that's about it. Batarians are all racist slave traders and they're bad, don't think about it, here's some memes about 300,000 of them dying, good job. And yes, I know you can read more about their history in the Codex (why is it an Asari who writes about Batarian history,btw?), but it's basically the same thing as saying D*mbledore is gay (I really am sorry for this reference). If no one ever mentions this rich Batarian history, then it doesn't exist.

And please don't get me started on Hanar. They "mercifully" saved the Drell by inviting them to their planet, immediately assimilated them into their own faith and also put them in conditions where they have to train as assassins from the ripe old age of 6 and eventually die of sci-fi lung cancer. But don't worry about it, Drell actually love to serve the Hanar, they do it willingly and consider their servitude an honor. Do you really want to criticize some stupid jellyfish who talk funny? Do you really want to talk about why the so-called Council races do nothing about it? LOL

Another thing the trilogy does is present entire races, including humans, as amorphous blobs. Do all Asari believe in the same "goddess"? Do all Turians obey the same Primarch? Well, what's important is that all humans in this bright future speak English.

But what about the genophage? That's a profound story, right? Well, not really, and it raises more questions than it answers. We hear a lot about how brutal, aggressive, and short-tempered Krogans are, but every single Krogan we meet is extremely well-mannered, and they only resort to violence against other races in dire circumstances. So why not save them? Does the game really present you with this moral dilemma or not?

And can anyone tell me why Salarians are allowed to abduct and experiment on sentient beings, and why Turians are allowed to wage wars? Why does no one talk about Asari in this context?

I really want to say that at least the characters are well written, but I can't because they're not.

Kaidan is a good example of this. We are told about his implant, we are told that he has chronic pain, but do we see him suffer from it? Do we see him in those moments of weakness and vulnerability?

The scene where he gets annoyed with Jenkins acting like he's a circus monkey who has to do a trick and biotically throws a cup at him was cut from the game. We occasionally hear him mention some of the side effects of his migraines ("Too many lights, too much noise"), but that's about it. What has happened to "show, don't tell"? And no, I'm not saying that the writers should feed me the story or walk me through it. What I am saying is that if you gloss over your characters' mistakes, flaws, and circumstances, you're getting people to ignore them. Do people who call Kaidan "boring" and insult him think about how his chronic pain, his trauma from Brain Camp, and the loss of Jenkins and Ashley affect who he is? Hell no.

Thane is another great example. What Mass Effect is telling us as a story is that you can completely abandon your family and your child and be forgiven if your reason for doing it is good and heroic enough. Like avenging your dead wife, because of course there has to be a dead woman thrown somewhere.

Everyone's favorite Garrus (mine too) is a cop whose character arc basically consists of deciding that he is above the law (since the law forbids him from killing people he thinks should die) and then involving his squadmate/friend/partner (depending on your playthrough) in the public assassination of his former squadmate, whom he never even bothered to confront first. Are there any consequences for Garrus for his actions? No. Again, it's all glossed over, and that's unfortunate because it removes the conflict and therefore the character development and depth.

And if you're going to tell me that ME is just a space opera, and that I should just enjoy the spectacle and the romance, then I'm going to tell you that I know that, and that I think it's a wonderful spectacle, and that some of the romance subplots are absolutely amazing story-wise, but the superficial commentary (or lack thereof) on the most important issues that ME covers actually harms the audience.

Fandom

On the one hand, we have people making mods that remove all the clothes from all the female characters (or remove all of femShep's organs and replace them with giant tits). We have people reposting that horrible, horrible art of Miranda and Jack fighting, tearing each other's hair and clothes, and maleShep smirking and saying "I should stay". We have people who say ME2 is the best game in the series because "there are no f*gs". On the other hand, we have people saying things like "there are two Commander Shepards - female and the wrong one". We have people who say "only weird people play as dudebro in 2024". We have people who think that simply playing as a female character is some kind of feminist statement, and that it makes them better and smarter than everyone else (the same people who use the term "dude gamer" as an insult). And all of those things are kind of the trilogy's fault.

Both maleShep and femShep have the same story. The only differences are the romance options, sexist remarks directed only at femShep, and flirtations from various NPCs directed only at femShep. What this tells you is that sexism exists in the Mass Effect universe, and only women suffer from it. It also tells you that only women are worth flirting with.

Another thing this game does (and modern games like Cyberpunk do the same thing) is equate the female experience to the male experience by giving both femShep and maleShep the same lines.

So there are some mixed signals here. Sexism exists and doesn't exist in this universe, Shepard is both genderless and very gendered, romances with underdeveloped characters are all over the place, and bigots thrive in this kind of environment.

The lack of commentary, the lack of perspective, the disastrous worldbuilding allows you to freely choose your sexist, racist adventure and not be punished by the story in any way.

Mirrors

There's a passage from Solaris that I absolutely adore and think about often.

"We don't want to conquer the cosmos, we simply want to extend the boundaries of Earth to the frontiers of the cosmos. […] We have no need of other worlds. We need mirrors. We don't know what to do with other worlds. A single world, our own, suffices us; but we can't accept it for what it is."

I think that perfectly describes what Mass Effect is as a universe. And in a way, it's a reason why it's so compelling. It's just empty enough for us to invest in it, to fill in the blanks of that narrative with the stories of our own. And it's also a reason why this fandom is a fucking hellscape.

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GUYS, GUYS, I swear I'm so normal about Daisuke being misunderstood! I swear I'm not foaming at the mouth when people cannot actually process him making mistakes and still being a victim!!! IM SO NORMAL YOU GUYS! I swear I don't grind my teeth when people have to adjust Daisuke to the "perfect victim" syndrome because "he is such a baby :("

But seriously. Ugh. My god. He is not a baby. He is young, yes. And I truly understand him. It's impossible not to. He's good, right? He's good. But in the world they live in, good is not enough. He is a victim of the deluded work culture that his parents try to force him in. He wants to dream, and live his youth, and play games and draw and play baseball. But he also wants to make his family proud. And if the only way of doing that is getting a internship he doesn't want, well, he will. He doesn't really know what to do with his life, and he feels himself drifting away. When people your age have all these accomplishments and degrees and jobs, and you just, don't even know what you want to do, because there are a lot of things you like, but none of them are encouraged by people around you. They just smile tightly and pat your shoulder and say: "You are so good!" "Such a good kid!" Because they have nothing to say about you. Nothing more. You're good, and you're not exceptional or amazing, or talented, or smart. Just fucking good. And ironically, in the internship, nobody cares if you're good. Or if you are a kid that is still feeling new grounds alone. There is no patience, and time is slipping away. And you have no job, and you're such a kid; and your mom doesn't look at you the same, and you know what she's thinking. And you just want them to say that they love you still. But I guess you have to make them miss you, first.

So when your mother's eyes sparkle at you accepting the internship, well, you take it. You smile and say "thanks!" And you will do your best. You never really liked climbing, maybe because you're afraid of heights. What if you fall and then you can never get up again? But she's just, tapping her fingers and serving you food twice and she looks so happy and you hate it. Because she doesn't like you. She loves you, but the person you are, she didn't like.

The internship is... fine. They put you last minute in the Tulpar, and you just really want them to like you, so they put good opinions and you can come back. So you can say that it worked out and not return a failure, and never have to look at the disappointed and missing look your mom gives you, again. And you try your best. You're still kind of bad at engineering, but you can learn! Swansea kind of doesn't like you, but he's fine! You make mistakes and you're clumsy, and everyone looks at you like a kid who brings someone a mud pie and they're kind of disgusted but smile anyways, and it's fine! You can totally work with that! Please let it work out, you think to yourself when you're in bed. Please just let me work this out. Please. Please. Please.

The Captain says things that you don't understand, and Anya tries to explain her psych questions, because you just don't fucking get them. But she's patient and hears you out, and listens and writes. And you bring her drawings, and pins them on her corkboard. And she cares. She's kind of distant but, maybe you're not totally alone.

In Curly's birthday he says something about being promoted, and something about you being terminated. You wish you didn't understand that. But man, you can be smart in the wrong moments. But that's fine! You'll try again. And again. And again.

And, well, I mean, Jimmy is kind of... well, off putting, you guess? But if he's the copilot then he knows what he's doing right? He's capable or an expert of whatever so maybe the sinking feeling in your stomach is just you being silly. Daisuke you're so stupid, you think in your head. They know what they're doing, so just do what they say. If you're good, then you'll be better. And someone will be proud. You won't just be "good" you'll have a job and whatever comes after that, you're not sure.

And then the ship crashes and everything changes... And it's still the same. You're closer to everyone and you're alone. You don't know where to go, or what to do. Nobody tells you what you should do, and you bounce on your toes back and forth, antsy and anxious. You should know what to do, right? You should do something... Anything, you don't know? Nobody told you this would happen! Nobody said shit! Holy shit what are you going to do? Are they going to fire you? Oh no. No. No. No. What are you going to tell to your mom?: "Sorry mom, the ship crashed and we're all fired :( But I promised I did everything right, I'll just get another internship :)" And she'll just, sigh and say: "Sure."

Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure.

And then there's mouthwash. Just. Fucking. Mouthwash. There is nothing. Nothing. What. the. Fuck. You were here, for months to carry stupid, useless, motherfucking mouthwash??? Is this supposed to be a joke? Holy shit, look at me, I spent eight months in a cargo ship that delivers mouthwash! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why couldn't it be, like, tools or, you know, any other thing??

And Jimmy is everywhere. Like, everywhere. Just lurking around. And Swansea doesn't want you near him, and Anya is just, in the medical aid, with this angry and tired look in her eyes. This frown that you don't get. Maybe you never knew them at all. And they don't know you. Is this what it is all about? You are all just... Never going to understand each other? Live together for eight months and change cargo ships and do it, over and over and over again?

And you try to be cheerful, you really do! Someone's gonna have to, right? But you're just... so tired. And you want to cry, and tear out your hair and scream and throw yourself off the ship. And you think, mom, mom, mom. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You did nothing. You are nothing. Look at you! Good kid! Good little lap dog Daisuke! Good little failure Daisuke! Couldn't even finish a job on mouthwash!

Was this meant to be? Where you born to be... Nothing? Did you do something bad? Was it your grades, or the time you broke a vase, or never getting further than junior baseball? Was it the time you ate all the cookies and you got sick? Oh my god? What if it is meant to be? What if this is it?

And, well. You listen to Jimmy because he's supposed to know what he's doing, right? Anya is trapped and you don't understand what she says, but you can't lose her. You can't. She made you happy, in the time where you talked to her. And you don't want to be alone. Please don't leave. Please stop.

And Jimmy tells you to climb the vent. And you know about the vent. Swansea talked about it all the time, and it makes you queasy because he's in the back of your head telling you not to do it. Don't do it Daisuke, you'll hurt yourself, don't be a dumbass. But... Anya locked herself and Jimmy just doesn't stop with telling you all these things. That it will do you good, and Swansea will be proud, and you will stop Anya and she will be back on your side. And you won't be alone, and you finally get to do something. Someone is telling you what you do. It makes you queasy, but your mom and dad always told you that you have to do things you don't like to get far in life, so, this is what they mean right? Just a couple of loose cables. You got this. You do. Finally, you get to be useful.

And you fall. And everything hurts. You feel tired and everything is blurred and you're heaving but you won't cry. Big boys don't cry. Anya will fix you up. She fixes everything. She will know what to do, and then she will unlock the medical bay and Swansea will say that you did very well. Not just good. You did the right thing.

And you look at Anya. And she's fucking dead. And you smell the vomit, and the blood and you want to curl yourself to her side and cry. She's dead. You're doomed. You were too late. Jimmy is shouting and you unlock the medical area and your eyes are wet. You can't help it, you know big boys don't cry but you can't help it. She's gone. And you have nothing else. And then Swansea wakes up and he looks at you with a frown on his face. You really fucked up again, didn't you? You never did anything right. You have always been a fuck up, haven't you? Man, that's so pathetic.

You can barely make out what he says. But he is saying that he wanted you to have a future. To not have to stretch yourself thin for Pony Express. That you had time, and you could've been great. And you want to laugh, but you cry instead: "Hear that, mom? I could've been great! I... I could've been great."

And he lifts the axe, and you're not afraid. You will sleep, and you close your eyes and think when your mom would tell you stories and run her fingers on your hair. Mom, I could've been great. You would've been proud of me. Please don't find me, believe that I did good and I'm out there doing great things. Don't miss me, you'll be fine. Maybe you were better off without me, anyways.

And then, you die. Here lies Daisuke. Good kid. Useless ray of fucking sunshine. Everything he could've been. And nothing he was. Here is to life! And death! And youth and dreams! And to corporate, and their stupid, dumb lies. Vague in space, no one has to know you were a failure. No one will never know. And that's okay. It's not like you mattered anyways.