#and then try and build our thoughts on how to support the best possible world based on the best information we can get?

[medicinemane]

One issue I have is there's a whole lot of things where it's like "I'm actually nearly on your side, I'm very sympathetic to this, I just need one or two issues addressed and then I'd be with you on this... you just have to kinda... walk me through how this thing that feels like a kinda big problem isn't a problem"

And pretty much always it's just kinda like "oh, well it's not a problem, so don't worry about it"

...mhh... yeah... but I need some actual proof. I want to trust you, but I need something that actually deals with it, not to just basically be told to have faith... I have no faith, I'm a faithless person

And it's such a shame cause... instead of being able to work along side people I tend to hover off to the side trying to support it in my own small ineffective ways cause... I just have serious issues no one's ever bothered to address

Just sucks, you know?

[hannyoontify]

die with a smile - kim mingyu

member | husband!mingyu x reader

genre | dystopian!au, apocalypse!au, angst, fluff

word count | 1.7k

synopsis | if the world was ending, mingyu would want to be next to you

warnings | mentions of death, blood, doom’s day?, reader has a smaller build than mingyu, you can guess the ending..

notes | yes, this was based off the legendary collab between lady gaga and bruno mars’ and the song ‘die with a smile’ pls check it out if you haven't this is literally one of the best songs ive ever listened to in the year of our lord 2024

‘Come on, slowpoke! Catch up!’ 

You were running in a green meadow and the tall, swaying grass that reached right below Mingyu’s hip tickled his knees with every step he took in your direction. The view in front of him was the definition of a living dream. The meadow went past the horizon for as long as the eye could see and the bright blue sky seemed large and vast as it loomed over him. The big, round clouds seemed to sway with the wind that blew gently past him, scattering his bangs that were swept across his forehead. Up ahead, you continued to run and skip through the boundless field, a bright giggle leaving your lips as you continued to taunt Mingyu.

‘Last one is the rotten egg!’

A part of Mingyu thought that he would be okay with dying like this.

‘Wait up!’ He picked up his pace and jogged towards you. ‘Baby-'

A loud rumble interrupted his next words as the bright and clear sky turned dark and murky. It was a gradual change, like storm clouds rolling on a sunny day. The rich, healthy grass under his feet began to shrivel up and dry as the dirt ground began to crack and shake. 

‘Babe? Mingyu-!’ And right in front of him, the ground gave away and swallowed up the love of his life whole.

‘NO! [NAME] NO-‘ Mingyu reached for you, his outstretched hand too far away to grab your flailing limbs. ‘[NAME]! NO!’

“NO!” Mingyu jackknifed awake, his hair sticking to his sweaty forehead and with a hand still outstretched for someone who could never be saved.

“Another nightmare?” Your voice seemed to snap Mingyu back in reality. He cleared his throat and climbed out of his tattered sleeping bag to sit by you at the entrance of the cave. The sky was similar to his dreams; dark and murky but now, there was also red. Everywhere. Mingyu gave up trying to differentiate what the different reds were: blood, lava, fire. It didn’t matter. All of it was going to kill him in some way or another.

He settled down next to you and rested his head on your shoulder. “It was the meadow one again.” Mingyu mumbled quietly. Although the sky was permanently the same kind of color all hours of the day, you and your husband tried your best to stick to some kind of circadian rhythm to try and keep yourselves alive for as long as possible. Right now, according to our bodies, it was the middle of the night and you were on guard duty. 

“What do you think it means?” You asked quietly as you reached up to run your fingers through Mingyu’s matted hair. Neither of you bothered to care about the blood on your fingers or the grime in his hair. You were far too deep into this to care about hygiene anymore.

“We’re all going to die,” Mingyu mumbled. “But I refuse to watch you die in front of me like that dream. I want to be next to you until our very last moment.”

You pressed your nose into your husband’s temple and breathed in a deep breath. It was random love confessions like these that reminded you of how much you loved Mingyu’s spontaneity before The Incident happened.

Before the first asteroid hit, you and Mingyu were a normal couple. You each had your respective jobs; Mingyu as the head of his own architecture firm and you as a research analyst at a biomedical tech company, and both jobs was more than enough to financially support your little party of two. The two of you spent your days together exploring the city and traveling the world together. On random Friday evenings, he would show up to your office 20 minutes before you got off with a bouquet of flowers and sheepish smile. Although he understood nothing about your work, he would ask questions and listen to your responses with a loving look in his eyes. He would hold your hand in the hallways, your matching rings glinting under the fluorescent lights as you clocked out. 

That childhood, innocent side of Mingyu disappeared after the world turned upside down. He became more dark and serious, almost never cracking jokes and fixated on keeping both of you alive. He also had a rotation of nightmares that visited him every night. They were different variations of the same vision; losing you first as the world ended.

“Guess what,” You whispered. “I got us some food. Real food.” 

Mingyu’s ears perked up at that. “Food?” 

The past 48 hours were full of rationing Haribo gummies, water, and granola bars. Although it was a difficult switch for you to get accustomed to, it was even harder for your husband, who was much bigger and needed more nutrients than the ones he received from gummies, water, and granola bars. It pained you to see the man you loved constantly struggle with hunger but didn’t even let out a single peep of complaint to you.

“They were really desperate for first aid so I did an emergency medical procedure in exchange for some instant camping food.” So that explained the new blood stains on your fingers. Mingyu kept his eyes trained on your trembling, bloody hands as you tried to open a package of camping food. The label read ‘Instant Lasagna. 2 Servings’.

Mingyu could already feel his mouth watering at the thought of real food. And lasagna? That was a total luxury that almost nobody could afford right now.

“Baby, can you start up a fire and boil some water? We need hot water for this.”

Fifteen minutes later, and the food was ready. Your eyes glistened with a newfound joy as you opened the seal and held out the first spoonful of lasagna towards Mingyu. “Take a bite and let me know how it tastes.”

He shook his head. “No, you first.”

“Mingyu, I know how much you’ve been struggling because of our rations. If you don’t eat first, I’m going to get mad.” 

And he definitely didn’t want that. He took the first bite.

“Oh god, that’s heavenly.” Mingyu’s eyes almost rolled to the back of his head as he groaned. As a head of a thriving architecture firm, Mingyu’s had his fair share of luxury dinners and fine dining in his 13 years of working, but this single spoon of instant lasagna cooked in a dark cave while the world was reaching its expiration date was better than anything he had ever tasted in his entire life. 

You beamed. “Really? That’s great. Have another bite-“

Mingyu held up his hand to stop you. “Your turn. I refuse to take another bite until you do.”

“Touche.”

This was your favorite position. Your back pressed against the front of Mingyu’s chest with his strong arms wrapped around you. It had always been your ultimate favorite way to cuddle, especially because Mingyu liked to nuzzle his face into the crook of your neck at random intervals and deep in a deep breath that tickled the hairs on the back of your neck. The current temperature (read: fire, lava, the basically non-existent ozone) would usually have you push Mingyu and complain that it was too hot, but now, every second counted.  

Another asteroid shower had started not too long ago. Usually, this meant packing up everything and moving further east, but both you and Mingyu came to a silent mutual agreement that you were too tired to continue. The two of you were beginning to come to terms with the fact that the world was ending and your time together was also coming to a close. 

With every distant thud you heard in the distance, you felt Mingyu take in a shaky breath and nuzzle his face further into your neck. “Gyu…”

“Shhh… I just wanna hold you right now.”

“Gyu, it’s getting closer,” You felt his arms tighten around you. He also knew what that meant. “Lie down with me.”

Mingyu spread his sleeping bag across the stone floor of the cave and gently lowered your head onto the floor, treating you so gently, like you were a piece of glass bound to shatter at any moment. He made himself comfortable next to you, letting you use his arm as a pillow as you buried your face into his chest. “Can you hold me like this?”

“Of course. Today, tomorrow, and every other day you ask me to.” Mingyu kissed the top of your head and sighed.

The two of you remained in silence like that for a while, your sweaty skins slick against each other from the heat, but you didn’t care. You were being held by the man you loved the most. The resounding thuds of the falling asteroids served as a constant reminder for the impending doom waiting for the two of you at the end of this as it drew closer and closer to the cave you were in.

“Look at me, my love,” Mingyu’s voice was ever so gentle and loving. He gently tipped your chin upwards to face him and his eyes roamed your face, as if he was committing every bit of it to memory. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you for allowing me to love you and be loved back.”

You smiled. “I’m going to find you in my next life. I promise.”

“That, I won’t doubt for a single moment, my love.” Mingyu dipped his neck lower to capture your lips with his. Soft and gentle. Like Mingyu. A kiss that represented every kiss the two of you ever shared and the ones you will never be able to have anymore. “I love you so much.”

Through your bleary eyes, you tried to commit every part of Mingyu to memory. Under all the grime, sweat, and blood, was the Mingyu you first fell in love with during your freshman year of college. The boy who sheepishly asked for your number after the lecture only to lose to you horribly on your first date at your campus’ bowling alley. 

“I love you too.” You whispered.

Mingyu smiled. “Good night, [Name]. Thank you for being mine.”

“Good night, Mingyu. I love you.” Your lips tugged up into a bright smile. 

“I’ll love you in every universe. Wherever you go, that’s where I’ll follow.”

reblogs and feedback are always appreciated ^-^

[southernsolarpunk]

I am once again posting the solarpunk manifesto because I keep seeing people saying that solarpunk is just an aesthetic

Inspired by Solarpunk: A Reference Guide and Solarpunk: Notes Towards a Manifesto

A Solarpunk Manifesto

Solarpunk is a movement in speculative fiction, art, fashion, and activism that seeks to answer and embody the question “what does a sustainable civilization look like, and how can we get there?”

The aesthetics of solarpunk merge the practical with the beautiful, the well-designed with the green and lush, the bright and colorful with the earthy and solid.

Solarpunk can be utopian, just optimistic, or concerned with the struggles en route to a better world ,  but never dystopian. As our world roils with calamity, we need solutions, not only warnings.

Solutions to thrive without fossil fuels, to equitably manage real scarcity and share in abundance instead of supporting false scarcity and false abundance, to be kinder to each other and to the planet we share.

Solarpunk is at once a vision of the future, a thoughtful provocation, a way of living and a set of achievable proposals to get there.

We are solarpunks because optimism has been taken away from us and we are trying to take it back.

We are solarpunks because the only other options are denial or despair.

At its core, Solarpunk is a vision of a future that embodies the best of what humanity can achieve: a post-scarcity, post-hierarchy, post-capitalistic world where humanity sees itself as part of nature and clean energy replaces fossil fuels.

The “punk” in Solarpunk is about rebellion, counterculture, post-capitalism, decolonialism and enthusiasm. It is about going in a different direction than the mainstream, which is increasingly going in a scary direction.

Solarpunk is a movement as much as it is a genre: it is not just about the stories, it is also about how we can get there.

Solarpunk embraces a diversity of tactics: there is no single right way to do solarpunk. Instead, diverse communities from around the world adopt the name and the ideas, and build little nests of self-sustaining revolution.

Solarpunk provides a valuable new perspective, a paradigm and a vocabulary through which to describe one possible future. Instead of embracing retrofuturism, solarpunk looks completely to the future. Not an alternative future, but a possible future.

Our futurism is not nihilistic like cyberpunk and it avoids steampunk’s potentially quasi-reactionary tendencies: it is about ingenuity, generativity, independence, and community.

Solarpunk emphasizes environmental sustainability and social justice.

Solarpunk is about finding ways to make life more wonderful for us right now, and also for the generations that follow us.

Our future must involve repurposing and creating new things from what we already have. Imagine “smart cities” being junked in favor of smart citizenry.

Solarpunk recognizes the historical influence politics and science fiction have had on each other.

Solarpunk recognizes science fiction as not just entertainment but as a form of activism.

Solarpunk wants to counter the scenarios of a dying earth, an insuperable gap between rich and poor, and a society controlled by corporations. Not in hundreds of years, but within reach.

Solarpunk is about youth maker culture, local solutions, local energy grids, ways of creating autonomous functioning systems. It is about loving the world.

Solarpunk culture includes all cultures, religions, abilities, sexes, genders and sexual identities.

Solarpunk is the idea of humanity achieving a social evolution that embraces not just mere tolerance, but a more expansive compassion and acceptance.

The visual aesthetics of Solarpunk are open and evolving. As it stands, it is a mash-up of the following:

1800s age-of-sail/frontier living (but with more bicycles)

Creative reuse of existing infrastructure (sometimes post-apocalyptic, sometimes present-weird)

Appropriate technology

Art Nouveau

Hayao Miyazaki

Jugaad-style innovation from the non-Western world

High-tech backends with simple, elegant outputs

Solarpunk is set in a future built according to principles of New Urbanism or New Pedestrianism and environmental sustainability.

Solarpunk envisions a built environment creatively adapted for solar gain, amongst other things, using different technologies. The objective is to promote self sufficiency and living within natural limits.

In Solarpunk we’ve pulled back just in time to stop the slow destruction of our planet. We’ve learned to use science wisely, for the betterment of our life conditions as part of our planet. We’re no longer overlords. We’re caretakers. We’re gardeners.

Solarpunk:

is diverse

has room for spirituality and science to coexist

is beautiful

can happen. Now

-The Solarpunk Community

[creatingnikki]

Dear twenty-seven year old me,

You have your work cut out for you, let me just say that right away. I am sorry but this is all I could do. I, the twenty-six-year-old, who had to abandon the home she was happy and struggling to build. And the ones before me, the twenty-five, twenty-four, twenty-three, twenty-two, twenty-one, and twenty-year-old selves too — I won't say we did the best we could but I will say that we tried.

Of course, now, with five days left before I turn 27, I finally know that sometimes trying is not enough. For things that absolutely matter to you, for things you absolutely want, trying is not enough. And so you, you have to do better than try.

Too much pressure? But you only have to try for yourself. You don't have to try for the world or anybody in it. You don't have to try to be kinder, sweeter, politer, or more useful. Friends, lovers, corporations, ideologies will always demand more and more and more from you. And for them I tried and tried and tried. All of your twenty-something selves until now did. Your teen selves too.

Also, just because you are a good person, it does not mean that the world will treat you better. One of the hardest truths to accept and understand. Of course, you were never good because you thought there would be such a reward but you always just assumed that it would only be natural for life to be just and fair in these ways. Now I know it's not.

Please, remember, you do not have to be quiet and take it all lying down. You can still speak your mind and respectfully put people back in their place instead of letting them walk all over you. You are no Gandhi. You should only show your other cheek to someone when they have kissed one cheek and now you want them to kiss the other. Not to slap you again.

When you are tired, when you are upset and demotivated, please, take rest. Pause but do not quit or abandon. You know, our abandonment issues may just have something to do with the fact that we have quite easily abandoned our values, goals, and dreams at different stages of life.

Either because we wanted to accommodate another person or because of the hurdles that showed up. Or because it was us who did not believe that our goals and values and dreams were worthy of being faithful to, worthy of being met, worthy of being celebrated.

But dear twenty-seven-year-old me, listen to me. You are worthy. And I know you like proof and reason and not empty flattery or words of affirmation. And I could list a thousand reasons and this isn't even a hyperbole — I really could. However, all you need to know to believe that is that you have lived a life that is gracious and graceful. God loving, not god fearing. Fear has never motivated you in any walk of life. You are someone that if you were to come across you would not only really like but gosh you would be in utter awe and really respect.

Above any reason I could give you, however, is this — you have to support yourself, no matter who you are and how you decide to live your life, you have to support yourself.

Okay, now that all of this important stuff is out of the way I just want to say, while you work hard at what is important, have fun (as much as is possible and in ways that is safe) and keep writing. For dreams that do not seem possible right now, put them on hold but do not abandon them or shoot them in the head. For dreams that are possible now, don't overthink.

Balance, breathe, and go back to basics. That is all you have to remember when it all gets too much. I love you, your mother loves you, and there are a handful more on that list. If all else pales in face of pain, go to them. In joy and abundance too, go to them. In the mundanity of life too, be by them whenever possible.

All my love, now and forever, 26-year-old you.

[kwwallen]

xdinary heroes / your weekend.

gerne: fluff (sfw)

warning: maybe too lazy

words: ~900

from the author: еnglish is not my native language, enjoy reading! (*´︶`*)ฅ♡

Gunil

♡ Gonil, as a leader, will try hard for the benefit of the group, so most likely the dates will take place in the studio while the guy practices his drumming.

♡ You try your best to take care of him, and since there is nothing to do on the weekend except lie down. It would be a good idea to prepare something for Gonil and go to the company.

♡ He’s very cute when he’s busy working, so You just wanted to watch. Yes, perhaps you needed some attention from him, but for now he is reeeeeeeeally busy.

♡ But still, the moment will come when Gunil will clearly get tired and need rest. Then you will need to force him to be distracted, in the worst case, drag him away from the drums yourself. But Gunil still agrees to a break.

♡ You will eat food prepared by you, talk about music, literature, quotes and everything that you have wanted to tell for so long. But most importantly, spend this time together.

♡ I think that some kind of force majeure will happen, after which you will giggle at each other.

Jungsu

✿ Jungsu had been looking for a reason to take you on a date to an amusement park for a long time, and the most suitable moment fell on your weekend.

✿ How much childish joy was in your eyes when you arrived at the park. Various stalls with cotton candy, popcorn and other sweets attracted them to take them, and attractions beckoned them to ride them.

✿ You decided to ride only a few of them since the rest seemed scary.

✿ Taking one large cotton candy for two you walked around the park. We ended our walk on the Ferris wheel, looking at the city from high up in each other's arms.

✿ At the end of the day, Jungsu walked you home and left you a light and embarrassed kiss on your forehead, already looking forward to the next day off.

Gaon

♡ Not knowing how to spend this day, you turn on a random playlist, and while breakfast was being prepared, Jiseok began to move to the beat of the song, and you joined in.

♡ After breakfast, you stood in front of the mirror and started moving again. They were completely different, and it didn't matter if you didn't know how to dance, the focus was on imitating each other, creating joint choreography.

♡ At some point, one of you will get tired and start clapping to support the other so that he moves more confidently.

♡ So unnoticed you will spend seemingly ordinary days, fun and together.

O. de

✿ On this day you didn’t want to do anything at all, so after breakfast you went back to bed.

✿ After a while, I became terribly bored and decided to watch some series on laptop. You had to get up for a while to bring it and some snacks

✿ Here you lie again, watching the first series you come across. He seemed to be interesting, with a high rating among the others, but Seungmin still thought that you were much more interesting.

✿ He'll take just a quick glance at the action on the screen, then turn to you and draw attention to himself, for example, running her hair through his fingers, looking at your enchanted face, holding your hand, stealing a snack right in front of your eyes. Basically, anything that can distract you.

Junhan

♡ There was absolutely nothing to do, time passed slowly and was as boring as possible. You guys couldn't figure out what to do with yourself. We didn’t want to go for a walk, it was raining outside. Games on the phone are, in principle, terribly boring, as is watching TV channels.

♡ At some point, you again started meaningless conversations about everything in the world and reached the interests of each other. Junhan talked about how he likes to build with construction sets, as well as his great passion for comics.

♡ This was a small start. You simply began to assemble Lego pieces into various shapes, while simultaneously maintaining the same conversation about hobbies.

♡ Later, after collecting a joint model of an airplane, Junhan decided to show off his shelf with a lot of bright comics. He began consulting on which ones he really liked and which ones he didn’t really like. You started talking about various genres, especially romantic comedies.

♡ Still, you managed to brighten up this rainy day with such a homely atmosphere.

Jooyeon

✿Jooyeon has arranged a date for you, which should take place at his house. The guy didn’t hold on to the intrigue the moment you gathered with him, so he immediately pointed to a stack of video games and a console.

✿ It was difficult to understand and remember which joystick buttons you need to press in order to perform at least some action. Jooyeon helped a lot with this, always explaining and pointing out mistakes.

✿ After a while, you finally decided to play against each other. Then problems with control began again due to excitement. Your blood began to boil from the understanding that the guy would no longer help, but you really wanted to win.

✿ As expected, Jooyeon won the fight, which made him sad. But he began to persuade for the second round, in which he would of course give in to see the joy on the girlfriend face.

©kwwallen//copying and translation is prohibited.

[silenzahra]

Hello everyone. I'm back ^^

I'm honestly not so sure about how to approach this post. I just wanted to let you all know that, well... I'm here. I'm not 100% fine, but I'm doing better. I've taken this week off to rest and focus on myself, and it's done wonders. I've been going out as much as possible, not only to go to work but also to spend a good time walking my doggies and playing with them, and I've also been watching some shows and trying to slowly get back to reading and gaming.

Regarding my previous post, there's really not much I can do except learn to live with it. I know it's gonna be a long and hard process, but I have to look after myself and my mental health, and it really warms my heart to know you're all there for me. I checked Tumblr yesterday before going to bed and felt so touched to find all your comments and advice. Again, you made me feel so supported and loved. I just can't thank you enough for being there for me. @itsavee4117 @megamagimugi @roscolate @keakruiser @stripetkattelalala54

@peaches2217 @bberetd @ask-rosalina-and-her-family @c-lavanda, thank you so much for all your love and support on my previous post, for taking the time not only to read but also comment to make me feel better. I'm really so sorry that I worried you, but truly, knowing that you're all there for me really means the world to me and makes me feel so warm inside. You've all given me precious advice that I'm definitely taking and showered me in love with your kind and sweet words. I hope you know how amazing you all are and how lucky the people around you are to have you 💖

Also, @multicolour-ink, I'd like to especially thank you for the valuable advice you gave me. Last night, after reading your comments, I searched and called a free helpline in my country and, again, it's done wonders. It was simply amazing to have someone there who listened to me and never judged my emotions, and then offered some advice on what to do to handle my situation. It was such a relief to, you know, actually talk to someone and feel supported also in real life. Thank you so so much, truly 🫂

And of course, @vulpixfairy1985, my dear friend... How can I even start to thank you. You immediately reached out through Instagram and have been there every single day, sharing your wisdom and offering your advice, and you even made me feel joy again after two days of only feeling bad things. It's thanks to you that I've been able to feel happiness and excitement again, to reignite my spark of joy that I thought I'd lost, and I know no matter what I do, I can never thank you enough. You truly are a gem, my dear friend, and I thank life every day that I met you and our wonderful friends. I know I've said this before, but this community is truly the best, warmest, healthiest one I've ever been in. And I feel so lucky to be a part of it.

I'll still take things easy. I'll take my time to check all my tags and PMs, and I'll probably be active only on evenings (Spain's time). Thank God, I can enjoy again the things I love, so I hope to see all your content eventually. Only that, well, I'll be slow. I wanna keep focusing on myself and taking those walks with my dogs. And this Friday I have a concert and I finally, FINALLY, feel excited about it. It's my favorite band, after all. I was worried I wouldn't get to enjoy it due to my mental state, but I'm actually so eager!

So yes, guess I can say I'm back, even if I won't be as active ^^ I know I have yet to finish checking the doc, and I'm extremely sorry that I'm taking forever, but of course, I appreciate all the effort you made to help me build up this new blog. As well as, of course, your support on the three posts I've fixed/redone so far. Hopefully soon I can get back to it and fix the rest of my old content.

But we'll see. Right now I'm just happy I can be back with you. I hope you've all been doing fine, dear friends ^^ I love you all so much 💖

Also, if you wanna see the little fella who's been with me this entire week, just click below to meet my beloved Baloo ^^

(Now I look a bit different btw, I went to the hairdresser yesterday, but I'll show my new hair another time.)

[ordinalastronaut]

From Now Until Forever (pt.2)

a/n : a continuation of the first part of this story. Angstier, earlier, and from Natasha's POV. Again, I do have other chapters but I've enjoyed kinda beta testing them here before they head over to ao3.

summary : Natasha's world is flipped upside down when Maria sustains a life threatening injury in the field. Luckily she has a support system.

Other tags: established blackhill, mentions of injury/gore, Clint is trying his best, but so stressed out, Phil is trying his best, but so stressed out, Laura is trying her best, guess how stressed out she is

word count : 2.7k

❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖𐅡❖

“Dick,” Natasha laughed as she shoved the archer, rubbing at her ribs. 

“No one ever said I fight clean,” Clint circled her, sizing up where to land his next blow. 

“Oh trust me, I know,” she went to lunge but stopped as the gym doors flew open. 

Both agents stood up straight as Bobbi Morse took long strides to reach them. 

“Bobs, what’s going-” Clint asked but was cut off as the blonde’s attention remained on Natasha. 

“It’s Hill.” 

It was the only thing the Russian needed to hear and she bolted from the room, following the agent as she wove through the triskelion until they were in mission control. The room exploded with noise as agents tried to regain control of whatever had happened. She scanned the room, removing the bindings from her hands as she approached the agent in the center. 

“Coulson-” she started but stopped as soon as she took in the sight from the monitor. 

The body cam of an agent from Maria’s team broadcast in live time what was happening. The Commander’s body was in a crumpled pile on the ground, blood pooling around her.

Coulson stood directly in front of her, his body blocking the screen, “we’re doing everything we can to bring her back right now.”

“What happened,” she tried to move and get a better view. 

“She caught a stray bullet,” which would explain the blood but not the way Maria’s body- “I need you to wait in my office Romanoff.”

“No, I need to see what's happening, I need to know if she’s okay,” the redhead moved her body and got another glimpse at Maria who looked to be screaming in pain. 

“I’m telling you right now, you need to go into my office, we cannot do our job if you’re-” Coulson shook his head but was cut off by Fury calling out her name. 

“Let him do his job,” the director sounded softer than he had in months. 

She turned to make eye contact with him but realized that even Fury’s gaze was on the monitors. He took a deep breath and shifted his eye to Natasha, the pain on his face had to match her own. The woman on the screen was as close to a daughter as he would ever have. 

It was that thought that finally got her feet moving and headed towards the three closest offices, the one in the middle calling for her. Maria’s office was of course as perfect and pristine as the woman herself and Natasha relished in the fact that if she closed her eyes, she could take in the perfection and pretend that everything on the other side of the door was all fake. 

“She’s going to be in the best hands possible,” Clint was quiet as he spoke, “it’s Ria… they won't let anyone other than the best help.”

Natasha just nodded, not wanting to face reality. She closed her eyes again. 

Hours passed before Bobbi came back to the office, “medevac is landing in 5.”

The three agents raced through the building and onto the roof, no one saying a word as they rode the elevator up. 

“Get her out of here!” Coulson barked as soon as they emerged. 

“But you said-” Morse shook her head. 

“I said tell her,” the man yelled from where he stood next to the helicopter “I didn’t say bring her.” 

The team of agents that transported Maria’s unconscious body was a sight to be seen, doctors, nurses, and agents all swarmed her as soon as the gurney was on the landing pad. Over and over Natasha tried to get a view of the woman but the people around her were tall and she couldn’t see anything. 

“No!” Coulson stuck his hand out, barring her from entering the elevator with him. With Maria. 

Doctors spoke quickly to each other as the doors closed. Natasha turned on her heel and sprinted for the staircase, she could faintly hear Clint and Bobbi behind her but she didn’t stop, not until her lungs burned and she stood in front of the 15th floor. 

The elevator dinged and for the first time, she got a good look at her wife. 

Tubes and wires covered her body, the only visible skin was covered in blood and bruises. The whole right side of Maria’s body was exposed and… wrong. Her wife's tattoos were in near ribbons around her leg. Clint sucked in a breath as he came through the doors and saw the state of the woman's body. Bobbi braced her hand on the trashcan next to her, her knees going weak at the sight. 

“Masha,” it came out like a strangled cry as Natasha ran, trying to get closer to the gurney. 

“I said get her out of here!” Coulson yelled at Clint and Bobbi. 

Natasha continued to run down the hall with them, only stopping as a set of arms wrapped around her body.

“No!” she yelled, thrashing as Maria got further and further away. 

“NO!” Natasha raised her voice even louder as the arms around her tightened, not letting her move an inch closer to the team of doctors that moved her wife down the hall.

The gurney passed the first set of open doors, the monitors around Maria began to blare and Natasha thrashed even harder to get to her.

“You son of a bitch, put me down, fucking put me down you asshole!” she screamed in Russian, not caring who could understand her. 

“FUCK YOU COULSON!” the next stream of words came out in crystal clear English as she kicked her legs and dug her nails into the arms that encased her own, “FUCK YOU, LET ME GO CLINT.” 

“You motherfucker, you-” she sobbed as the team of doctors went through the last set of double doors. 

All the fight left her body as she gasped for breaths between sobs. Clint slid his back down the wall next to them, bringing them both to the ground. 

“Masha,” she cried, huge tears rolling down her face as she thought about the state in which her wife was in.   

She was there and she wasn’t, she was aware that there were people around her and that questions were being asked, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to listen to a single one. For hours she and Clint sat on the ground, him occasionally talking to her, or wiping errant tears away as they slid down her cheeks. 

The only thing that managed to break through to her was the pair of perfectly shined shoes that stopped in front of her. She knew those shoes, she knew what they looked like propped up on the railing of the back deck of her and Maria-

Natasha sprang up, unaware until that moment of how long she had been sitting. From the way her legs barely cooperated against the tingling sensation, it had been a while. Still, it didn’t keep her from bringing her hand up to slap Coulson across the face. 

Her fingers were less than an inch away from making contact when he caught them. He was a handler now, but it was moves like this that showed he had once been a field agent, one of the best. 

“No,” he looked her in the eye and dropped her hand, “I know you’re mad at me Natasha, but we're not going to do that.”

She looked at him, really looked at him, and could see the tiredness, the sadness that was etched into each line of his face. 

“Is she okay?” Clint asked the question Natasha knew she couldn’t. 

“Maria is stable,” the man in front of her nodded, keeping his eyes locked with hers the whole time, “but… there was extensive damage from what they can tell right now. If she wakes up, her body will never be the same.”

If she wakes up. If she wakes. If she. If- If. 

“Come on,” Phil motioned and the two followed their handler down hallways and staircases until they were face to face with the last door separating them from Maria. 

Clint opened the door slowly, leading Natasha into the room that was filled with the smell of antiseptic and mechanical beeping. She kept her eyes on the off-white linoleum floor in front of her, terrified of what she would see if she looked up. From the sudden intake of breath from the man next to her, it was nothing good. 

“Med staff comes by every 30 minutes so don’t be alarmed if the door opens again in the next 10 minutes,” Phil’s voice was low as he spoke to her, just barely audible over the sound of the machines. 

She took a steadying breath and glanced up. It was everything she thought it would be, and 100 times more painful. There were tubes and wires covering every inch of Maria’s body, and dried blood coated the outside of the bandages that wrapped from her right ankle to the highest point of her right collarbone. 

A fresh wave of tears streamed down her face as she ducked her face into her brother's chest and cried in earnest. Clint’s own tears landed on top of her head as he held her tightly, his shoulders shaking silently as he cried.

It seemed their 10 minutes were up in a blink of an eye as the door swung open again revealing a tired-looking woman in blue scrubs. 

“Hello, I’m Dr. Carter,” she stuck her hand out to Clint first, then Natasha, “You’re… family?”

“I’m her wife,” Natasha clarified.

Less than a year later the title still felt brand new, something to be cherished. 

“We’re the closest things she has to brothers- hey you did my wrist surgery,” Clint cut himself off. 

There was a blur of a purple cast and lost pens in Natasha’s mind before it returned back to her wife who lay still in front of her. 

“That’s right Agent Barton,” the doctor smiled, “I’m sorry to see you again in these circumstances.”

Natasha tried, she tried to listen to what the doctor was saying, but only bits and pieces came through. Shattered bones, additional surgery, brain bleed, gunshot wound, 48 hours. Each phrase stood out like it had been bolded in the sentence, the rest was in a font too small to read. She wished Maria was there to listen to what had happened, to fill her in later. 

But her wife was there, only she wouldn’t be able to listen for… well Natasha couldn’t tell you, she wasn’t able to tell if the doctor who had just left ever mentioned it. There were hands on her shoulders guiding her to a makeshift bed that had been pushed against the window closest to Maria. 

She sat down, or maybe she laid down, the Russian couldn’t tell you. She also couldn’t tell you how she ended up showered with a new set of clothes on, or if she ate, drank, or slept for those first 2 days. All she could tell you was that Maria’s chest rose and fell, rose and fell, rose and fell, evenly for 48 hours straight. It was hour 52 when Dr. Cater returned and announced Maria’s second surgery would be happening the next morning. 

“If everything goes right,” the woman was saying, “it should be the last one she needs for the time being, then she’ll be on the road to recovery and a tremendous amount of physical therapy.” 

Natasha nodded and glanced over to the woman next to her, not realizing that May had taken the place of Clint at some point in the last few days. 

“Thank you, Dr. Carter,” the agent got up and walked the doctor to the door. 

The Russian stared at the bed in front of her as she had done for the last two days and watched Maria’s chest rise and fall. 

“Did you get all of that, Natasha?” Melinda was back at her side, a thigh pressed into her own. 

The redhead nodded softly, not sure if she had, not sure if she should ask for it to be repeated. May pressed her thigh into Natashas a little more and sighed. 

More hours passed by, enough for there to be new people in the room, people who were raising their voices, people who were arguing, people who were cupping her face. 

“Because she needs to understand what’s going on and not just nod along with what Coulson thinks is best!”

Laura. It was Laura's voice, and those were Laura’s hands cradling her face. 

“Sweetheart, I need you to listen to me,” the woman knelt down until she was eye to eye with Natasha, “I know this is scary, and I know there’s a lot going on, but you need to make this decision-”

“I’m not trying to sway her,” Coulson’s voice came through and he sounded angry. No, he sounded frustrated. Tired. 

“You’re not making a case for an alternative at all,” another voice sounded just as tired, Morse maybe. 

“Sorry, he doesn’t want them to just let Ria die!” Clint barked out in frustration. 

Natasha’s head swam. 

“It’s not just letting her die, it’s not forcing her to live in a vegetative state,” Laura ground out, “they wouldn’t offer it if it wasn’t needed.”

“They don't know Maria,” Coulson countered. 

“It’s not a matter of how strong you think she is, it’s what's happened to her body and if it can handle anymore,” Bobbi. It was Bobbi who was talking now, Natasha was sure.  

“Tasha, please,” Laura was looking her in the eye again, her own shining with unshed tears. 

“I don’t-” her voice came out hoarse and broken, either from not using it or from the screaming she had done days before. 

<What> She landed on signing to Clint. 

Laura sighed ever so slightly and released her grasp on Natasha’s cheeks. 

“Maria is going in for another surgery in an hour, the doctors want to know if you’d like to-” the woman signed as she spoke, “if you’d like to sign a Do Not Resuscitate form.” 

Natasha knew the words but wasn’t sure how they fit together with what was being asked of her, what that had to do with- 

<they think she will die> she signed as the pieces clicked. 

“They think there’s a possibility her body might be able to pull through,” Laura swallowed, “but that her brain might suffer too large an injury from the stress. She might be left with a working body but… brain death.”

Brain death, brain death, brain death. For some reason, it was the only two words that her own brain could lock on to. 

“But she also could pull through and be just fine, and if she flat lines and needs help then a DNR would prevent them from giving it to her,” Coulson argued. 

“But if she doesn't recover, it’s then on her wife,” Bobbi emphasized the last word, “to then take care of her while she’s in a coma for the rest of her life.”

“Which is her choice!” Clint argued.  

“Exactly, her choice, Natasha’s,” Laura argued right back. 

“Enough,” there was a new voice, one closer to the door that spoke. 

The smell of leather and gunpowder hit her before she could recognize Fury. 

“Everyone go wait in the hall, let Romanoff make this decision on her own.”

Natasha listened to her friends, her family, leave the room before she looked up and blinked back tears. 

“What do I do?” she whispered. 

“You do what you think is right,” Fury placed a hand on her thigh, “and know that Maria would accept either answer, not because she would do the same, but because it was what you decided. She always backs you, no matter what.”

Thirty minutes later, her wife was rolled into surgery. No one asked what decision she had made, and Natasha didn't tell them as they all sat on the sad cot by the window and waited. 

And waited.

And waited. 

The door creaked open and Phil and Laura were instantly on their feet.

“Surgery went well,” Dr. Cater spoke from where she led the group of people who had brought Maria back into the room, “vital signs look strong, her body took to the additional hardware nicely, it was better than we could have asked for.”

Someone next to Natasha started to cry, the world began to dim and for the first time in days, Natasha laid down and let the exhaustion take her. 

Her wife would be okay. Her life would be okay. 

The two were not mutually exclusive.

[missjoolee]

if you could only see

*read tags for fun facts. mostly written while half asleep. not edited.

"Oh," she says, the corners of her mouth drooping into that familiar frown that accompanied the majority of his high school career. She sets her mug down on the coffee table.

Oh? A similar frown is quick to replace the elated grin his face had adorned when he arrived. "'Oh' is what people say when they get socks on their birthday, Mom. Not when their son tells them that he's engaged!"

"It's just..." she hesitates, as if looking for the correct words. "...you're still so young."

"I'm almost 22. I--"

"Exactly! Only 22!" Emily interrupts. "How can you be sure?!"

"What?! Mom! This is Julie we are talking about!" Luke can't sit still and stands up from the couch. Resentment builds within him. Why can't she ever be supportive from the get go?

"Well.. You've only ever had the one relationship. You can't know what you want really, never having experienced other relationships."

His mouth drops open in disbelief. She cant honestly be suggesting what he thinks she might be.

"I thought you liked Julie!" His hand flies up with the statement, emphasizing his frustrations.

Emily stands, no longer able to remain seated as the conversations heats up.

"Luke, Julie is lovely. And lord knows she's done you a world of good, but you could really benefit from dating around a little!"

Oh, so she is saying what he thought she was saying.

He let's out a humorless huff of a laugh. "Are you insane? You think I should give up the best thing in my life, a sure thing, on the chance I might find someone that can make me just as happy somewhere down the line? Yeah, that math doesn't check out."

She is getting visibly agitated now as she takes a step closer to him.

"Julie will always be your teenage girlfriend. Your relationship will never be more than that of children!"

"God. Do you hear yourself?! Julie's not in her teens anymore. Our relationship has grown with us. We have supported each other through personal growth, and continue to challenge each other to be the best we can be! We've already been there through hardship together." Luke leans into Emily's  personal space, not wanting to back down. It's a familiar dance at this point, these arguments with his mom.  That thought gives him pause but he never drops eye contact.

His mom claims that Julie would prevent him from flourishing as an adult, but in this moment,  with Emily, he feels the most like he's a kid again in the worst way possible. Suddenly, he feels very tired. He takes a step back with a sigh.

"You're unbelievable." His normal volume voice sounds quiet after the heightened pitches from a moment before. He turns and heads for the front door. There is no point in staying.

"Luke? Luke! Get back here!" Emily follows after him. "Most marriages at your age end in divorce! I'm just trying to help you not make a mistake that will ruin your future!"

Luke's at the door but he spins suddenly to face Emily one last time. "It's not a mistake, mom! If you could just see all the ways she loves me, maybe you would understand why I feel this way. How I know this is the right thing to do."

"But Luke--"

This time he interrupts her, not caring to hear anymore of what she's likely to say. "I mean, if you could see how bright her eyes get when she says she loves me. I just.. " Julie's smile, eyes full of mirth flashes in his mind, replacing a lot of the angerfilled responses he wants to shout at his mom. "There's no way being with her could ever be a mistake."

He opens the door and steps outside. "If you can't be happy for us, don't bother joining in on the celebrations."

He closes the door behind him. His mom might have tried to say more but he honestly couldn't care less anymore. It's time to head home. Back to the welcoming arms of the woman he loves and can't wait to marry. She makes him a better writer, and a better man. She supports him and his dreams more than his mom ever has. This exchange has proven that all his mom will ever be good for is giving him great song ideas. But the one starting to ruminate in his brain this time promises to be a lot happier than Unsaid Emily.

[abronzeagegod]

Eldritch Tech Support 4

more eldritch tech support stories

Today was a slow day for you. You didn't have much work come in, and you're just hanging out in the call center waiting for one of the field techs to call you with a problem. So far, you haven't had anything to do really. Some minor problems, nothing too complicated. It's been a good day to do nothing and get paid.

Then you get the call.

"How can I-" you start but are immediately cut off by very loud yelling.

"IT'S LYTHA!" your coworker yells on the line. Normally you'd have to go through security and employee ID numbers and job listings and stuff, but this sounds bad. "I NEED YOU TO CALL EXTERMINATORS! FUCK FUCK FUCK! THERE'S A SPIDER WITH SEVEN HEADS AND IT'S VERY MAD!"

You swear out loud, and slap the red alarm button.

The red light flashes over your desk and you can tell the call center has gone utterly silent as all non-job related tasks immediately stop.

You keep Lytha's line open as you quickly call up her jobs. She's currently on a job out in the Clutches.

"Employee needs exterminators," you say into a second line that opened the moment you pushed the button. "Employee 1419 is on site at 311 North Vellaturine, in the Clutches. Reports of multiheaded spiders-"

"FUCKING SHIT! I THINK THERE'S SOME TENTACLE THING HERE TOO!" Lytha yelled over the phone loud enough to be heard across the silent room. "MY GUESS IS SOMETHING FROM THE VOID AND ONE OF THE HELLS ARE HERE AND THEY'RE FIGHTING OR FUCKING OR BOTH!"

You repeat, with less color commentary, what Lytha reported to the Exterminators.

The Exterminator's operator acknowledged what you were saying. "Understood. Class One operation approved, Exterminators are en route to your location. Be advised heavy weaponry has been approved, as has magic. Please inform anyone in the building to evacuate immediately, police have been informed."

"Lytha!" you say to your coworker. "Lytha! The Exterminators are coming! Get out of there!"

"I'M FUCKING TRYING BUT ALL THE DOORS LEAD TO OTHER DIMENSIONS!"

"Oh... shit," you say. You repeat this to the Exterminators who do something that you never thought you'd live to hear.

"Oh fuck."

The Exterminators are the badasses of the tech world, fixing creatures and beings and banishing things that shouldn't be here. To have them be worried, that chills you to your soul and spine.

"Be advised, we have a level zero breach," the operator said. "Repeat, be advised we have a level zero breach."

You're dimly aware of the fact that there is no movement, no sound in the call center. Everyone is listening to your conversation without breathing or speaking.

"We are sending in the Knight of Doors," the operator said. "We're doing our best to get there as fast as possible. Do whatever you can to keep your people alive and safe."

Your boss was standing behind you and didn't even notice until she started yelling. "Kel! You did that job for the Chaos Seekers last month, get them on the phone and ask for a Blessing Against the Chaos for Lytha!" Their other head turned and pointed at another tech support person. "Devin! Find out if that war demon we helped a few months back is willing to offer a War Boon to our people!" You then feel a hand on your shoulder. You boss turns to you. "Do your best, and if you have a favorite god now is a good time."

A flurry of activity exploded into the tech center. People started calling up friends, clients, and even a few rivals to see if there was something that they could do to help out their coworker.

But all of that cut out when Lytha screamed over the phone, a scream that sounded bad.

"OH FUCK!"

"Help is coming, Lytha!" you say instantly into the phone, trying to remain somewhat calm and stamp down on the tremor and fear in the voice. "The Knight of Doors is coming!"

"Oh that's good," Lytha says with lots of hard breathing. "I'll have something attractive to look at as I go out and a nice voice in my ear."

"Don't do that," you scold. "Don't be fatalistic!" Your trying to fight back the emotions.

"We had some good times. The chaos of this whole thing is really quite interesting if you think about it. And this will be an excellent story to tell later."

Your boss touches your shoulder again. "It's ok," she whispers with one mouth, "the Chaos Seekers gave Lytha a blessing, but it comes with some... side effects. Like being a bit too into the whole 'Abyss is beautiful and deserves our respect and admiration' thing. She's not actively dying."

"Oh, thank fuck," you mutter. You focus back on Lytha, "Well you'll just have to tell me all about it over several drinks later."

"Advisement, Exterminators are on scene. Police ETA 3 minutes. Knight of Doors is Traveling," chimes in the operator.

There's the sounds of crashing and fighting on the line from Lytha.

"Holy shit," Lytha breathes out in reverential awe. "The Knight is something else."

The sounds from the phone are impossible to describe. The sounds of combat and chaos and hell and the magic of the Exterminators combine with more conventional sounds of weapons fire.

"Asset retrieved," said a deep and dark voice that you feel in your bones. "We are traveling to safety."

Suddenly Lytha's line went dead.

The call center has gone entirely silent once again.

The moment of silence is interrupted when a shining door suddenly appears next to your desk. The door was massive, easily 10 feet tall and 5 feet wide and made of a color that you can't quite fathom but your brain manages as "blue?"

The blue? door opens and out walks Lytha, covered in slime and blood followed by the Knight of Doors. They barely fit through their own door.

Contrary to the name the Knight wears almost no armor, but their skin looks like it could be an armor of its own. Dark, smooth, but sharp rock-like armor covers their body. They clear have some lineage directly connected to the Children of the Earth. The Knight was big in every way and extremely attractive with a massive sword and battle axe on their back.

"There you are," says the deep but soft voice of the Knight that covered you like warm molasses. "You are safe now. You should seek medical attention. I shall return to the battle."

"Thank you," Lytha says with a little smile.

"Wow," you say, stunned.

The Knight nods and walks through their blue? door once again.

Your boss heaves a heavy sigh of relief. "Ok, everyone! Take a twenty minute break, get your legs back, and then we really should return to work." Then your boss turns to you, "Take Lytha and get her to a hospital."

You nod and take Lytha's hand and pull her towards the exit and the hospital.

---

Three days later, the Exterminators and the police manage to contain the situation.

It turned out that Lytha was called in to clean off the viruses on the computer used by a den of drug dealers who were cooking some very illegal drugs, the kind of drugs that require ingredients from the Abyss.

The drug makers, being incredibly intelligent, made deals with devils to get the ingredients which resulted in the turf war between one of the numerous hells and the Abyss.

Then Lytha was called because several members of the drug dealers had a laptop that they used to go to many suspicious and shady websites.

Lytha was fine, she suffered a few injuries that required many large needles to inject her with various antibodies and such. She had to spend only two nights in the hospital but only for observation. You stayed the entire time.

if you liked this let me know, maybe consider buying me a kofi, i'd appreciate it very much

[zealsoughtsequesterustanxiedemon]

Forget if made a post when I finished the s2, but Danmachi watch update: - Finished Season 2 - Started Season 3 (4 episodes)

Rambling notes about assorted thoughts below

Lord it's so refreshing to go back to a fantasy series that gives a shit about it's characters and message after Shield Hero. It's surprising me, but I feel like the quality of Danmachi has only gone up as the mainline series has gone on.

Like now that we've hit season 3, I feel like I can see what I think the core theme of the series is: Who must a hero protect. Season 1 has Bell fighting and growing to become a hero himself. Even within that season it crosses the question "Should heroes save deceitful people?" with Lili. Criminals are deserving of being saved. Season 2's later arc has Bell fighting to save a sex worker, a fate she feels she should be barred from. Purity shouldn't mean anything to a hero. Season 3 has Bell fighting to save a sentient monster. Heroes should not be xenophobic (sentient monsters are even referred to as "xenos"). It plays out like a slow but sure process and it is somewhat satisfying. All these people he's saved are still cute girls, but it's using that basic formula to further question the aesthetics of a hero that the characters themselves have internalized.

In terms of characters, after her arc of freeing herself in season 2, Lili has actually really cemented herself as a resourceful skeptic of the group, both in the dungeon and out. It was nice seeing her being against protecting the monster girl for the sake of the safety of the guild. She really knows the darker side of their city and is using that knowledge and her cunning to navigate the dumbass-that-she-fell-for out of trouble. And his goodwill forces her to save that monster girl anyway, but in a way that's safest for them. They play off each other in a really nice way.

Hestia and Ais still probably my fav girls in the show though. Hestia is just so... she simps for Bell in the greatest way possible. She's constantly pushing for the best for him even when it costs her. You can really feel her affection to build a home and family for him. We've gotten less of Ais, but she's also a really supportive figure for him. Like when she can't aid him politically she wants to do what she can to help him, even if it's just training. Also, their first dance together was very sweet.

Although it still has the issue of a lot of the characters centered around him, I find it still does that in interesting ways. He's still challenged by them. There are situations where he doesn't know what to do and he has to make a rash choice AND the other characters have to bail him out of it. Bell is strong, but his strength is very limited. This may seem like v basic story stuff, but after the last anime I finished I am very happy something at least does this.

Also, a small thing, but I really love how that of all the secretive powers that are closely watching him, one ended up being not only pushing for him to succeed, but also be a force for good in the world (they're the ones protecting the xenos from being hunted and exploited by forces inside and out of the dungeon). Like Ouranos has just been an ominous force lurking over the plot from season 1. The owls in season 3 were this impending doom that awaited our heroes for doing something so taboo as protecting a monster. Finding out that these secret forces are actually good? Extremely nice, like anti-conspiracy. There are secret forces out in the world, but they're actually trying to help you and genuinely better the planet. They just can only do that in the shadows because their work necessitates they tread lightly.

Final small thing, like that in the world where all the gods are real that this dungeon is itself its own separate deity that functions completely different.

Overall this series feels like it's only getting better as time goes on. We started from something very simple and base, but a little better than you'd expect, and now the series is just engaging me genuinely on a lot of levels. Like the author was trying to make the story, characters, and world more engaging as it goes on. I have high hopes for as it continues.

[orionsangel86]

who cares about fandom. it's shows. shows aren't important american

This ask is really confusing to me. Are you calling me American as an insult? If so thats super funny to me since I most certainly am not American!

I know this is just someone being a dick for the sake of being a dick, but I will take this ask sincerely because I have the freedom of choice to do so. Who does care about fandom? Lots of people actually.

You know what is a huge and important fandom to lots of people worldwide? Football. Maybe you don't see it the same way because it's not about some dumb TV show, but its still a fandom. They even have different factions for different teams, and it gets weirdly nationalistic during global competition events. So who cares about fandom? Well, for football fans, I'd say about 5 billion people.

But limiting it to those unimportant shows anon has chosen to sneer at, well, in recent years comic cons around the world have reported a total of 1.8million+ attendees each year. And that is just a fraction of the fans who can afford to attend these conventions (plus these are only the big conventions not including the likes of Creation cons). Regardless of how much you sneer at it, fandom is huge and a huge part of many peoples lives. Fandom has brought people community, support, connection, and a mountain of creativity at its heart.

On a personal note, some of my best friends were met through Supernatural Fandom. We still talk regularly to this day and I try to meet up with them as often as possible even though we are all dotted all over Europe and America. Without Supernatural, a so called unimportant show, I wouldn't have those real life connections which mean so much to me and have made my life better.

Ask any actor from one of those unimportant shows, and they will tell you how they have met with fans who literally found reason to keep living through the shows that they loved, that the struggles and journeys of the characters they are passionate about literally saved their lives. Tell those people that fandom isn't important, that their shows are meaningless eh? Tell that to someone who was thinking of ending their own life but chose to keep living because they saw how important that was to their fave characters.

The Supernatural actors put out an actual crisis hotline to support fans struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. They started campaigns like Always Keep Fighting and You Are Not Alone because they saw how much their fandom relied on them and the fandom they were apart of, because the show was their only escape from a harsh reality. Misha Collins was able to get his Random Acts charity off the ground through the support of fandom, and to this date Random Acts has succeeded in supporting communities worldwide, including providing disaster relief in Haiti and building a school in Nicaragua.

So much for an unimportant show, when its very existance has spurned a crisis network and a charity that continue to support and save lives globally.

And thats JUST Supernatural. There is so much work done by fandoms everywhere, for all different shows. Fandom is Community. And when communities get together they create wonderful things, they support each other, and sometimes, they save lives.

Who are you to say community is unimportant? Who are you anon? a user of Tumblr.com, the fandom website, to make such a bold and wrong claim? Television is storytelling, and storytelling is one of the oldest art forms. It makes us human, connects us with our past and speaks to our hearts and souls. We share our love and joy and passion through storytelling. It is where we find escape from the humdrum of our daily lives, it is where true magic lies. There is nothing unimportant about that.

[feyre-darling92]

Alive and in Love - Chapter 2

Cassian Andor x reader

A/N: Soo, here’s part 2. Also, the names are made up. Hope you like it!

T/W: Language, bad writing

Word Count: 1,879

Taglist: @stanny-uwu​ , @hollymac79​,  @triumph-of-form-over-content​,   @michelle-l-a-k          

Part 1

You yawned as you opened your eyes and looked at the alarm on your nightstand.

Shit

“Fuck” you said and rushed to the bathroom, you were late. Thankfully, your suitcase was already made, clothes and things you wanted to take with you were already packed and placed at the entrance of your house.

Somehow you broke the world’s speed record and in minutes you were ready, running down the stair of the apartment block. Yep, another day of bad luck.

When you exited the building you were welcomed with the sight of Cassian waiting for you outside of the car the agency provided you.

“You’re late,” he said amused.

“You don’t say” you rolled your eyes and opened the door to the driver’s seat.

“Oh, I don’t think so”

“Excuse me?”

“I will drive. We have to stay alive and if you drive I doubt we will”

“Haha. Very funny” you threw your suitcase on the backseats and sat on the co-drivers. Three minutes and he had already annoyed you.

“You’re not a morning person, are you?” he asked.

“It's 6.38 and I haven’t had coffee yet. How did you expect me to be?”

He just shrugged and continued driving. The town was about two hours away so you had a long trip ahead of you. The first few minutes you just sat in comfortable silence, until he turned on the radio.

“What would you like to hear?”

“I don’t know, you’re the driver you choose”

“Look if this is because I didn’t let you drive-”

“You never let me drive!” you exclaimed annoyed.

“Yeah, because the last time you drove you hit the dam wall!”

“You forgot that we were being chased”

“All I know is that Bodhi is still trying to repair the car”

“It’s not fair. And Lana del Rey will do fine”

“As you wish” he murmured and put on the music. “By the way that explains a lot” the corners of his lips curled up just so slightly that a faint smile was formed.

“It explains what, Andor?” you crossed your hands against your chest and sat more comfortably in your seat.

“Nothing”

Half an hour later you were asleep, legs curled up against your chest and head resting against the window, Summertime Sadness playing in the background.

Cassian sat silently next to you, glancing at you every now and then. This time you were... different. He just reminded himself that this was none of his business and tried to keep his mind elsewhere.

--------

After what felt like seconds a hand gently grabbed your shoulder and shook you awake. “Y/N, wake up”

You lifted your head from the window, “What happened?”

“I need instructions from this point” he had stopped at the end of the main road

“Yeah, alright. Turn to the left” you supported your head with your arm and looked at the road ahead of you.

“Just ask,” you said after a few minutes.

“Ask what?”

“Left. You want to ask something don’t you?”

“How do you know the main suspect?”

“Left and right. When you are young you make acquaintances with people you think you know. Keep going forward. Does this satisfy your curiosity?”

He just nodded and kept following your instructions not wanting to pressure you any further to talk before you had to. Even though you both knew that on this mission facing the past would be inevitable.

--------

“And we’ve reached our destination” you sighed and got out of the car, grabbing your suitcase. “Someone should be here in order to-”

“Cassian” Someone from behind you called out to your partner. You turned curious and met a sight you never thought could be possible.

“How do you know each other?” you looked at both Cassian and your brother shocked.

“We met when I moved out” your brother explained. “Don’t tell me that you two work together?”

“Yes, we are” you replied still shocked. “And what kind of brother hugs his friend before his sister?”

“A smart one” Cassian chuckled and your brother agreed, “That’s why he’s my best friend. Come inside”

“How’s Jane?” he asked your brother which surprised you even more. “How do you know his wife?!”

“What do you mean? He was the one that introduced me to her” Y/B/N replied.

“It was the first time I saw you chicken out in front of anyone. You own me”

“I do” They kept chatting and laughing. Alright, this was getting worse. “So, how do you put up with my sister? Last time I checked she was insufferable”

“She still is” Cassian replied with a smirk you wished you could wipe off his face yourself.

“What are you going to do? Make a team against me?” you rolled your eyes and they exchanged a mischievous look, “Yes” they both replied.

“Oh, shut up” you pushed them aside as you walked ahead already fed up with their bullshit. You took a breath and knocked on the door. These weeks would be unforgettable. Not in a good way.

The door opened and before you could react two arms dragged you inside the house and trapped you in a long and tight hug. “Hello, mother” you finally escaped her grip. “Thank god you’re okay. Your brother informed us about your staying”

It was true, your brother worked at the same agency only that he had an office job. He was, as he liked to call himself, the guy at the chair. Yeah, you two had watched too many action films.

“Cassian, dear, how are you?” she turned to him and you once again asked shocked, “You know her too?”

“Of course, I know him,” your mother said as it was the most natural thing in the world. “So? What is this about, another mission?” she asked and you and Cassian exchanged a look. If there was one person who shouldn’t learn the significance of this mission and how dangerous it was this was her.

“Yeah, just another-” Cassian started,

“mission about-” you continued,

“some criminals” your brother finished the sentence.

“Uh huh” she was not convinced at all but if she’d learned one thing from your profession this was to never ask.

“Anyways” you changed the subject, “where’s dad?”

“He will be working till late tonight. Why don’t you leave your things? I brought the cot to your room”

“Why? We have a guest room”

“We’re engaged. If anyone came unexpected wouldn’t it be weird if they found us sleeping apart?”

“We can say we had a fight, not unusual. Follow me” you started walking, Cassian following behind, and went upstairs to your room. You opened the door and gestured inside “After you” you said dramatically.

“You waste your talent in acting”

“I am a specialist in undercover missions if you recall”

“Right” he placed his bag on the cot and took a better look at your room. You saw his gaze stopping at the sight of your library, “You’re a bookworm”

“You don’t say. With such observation skills no doubt why you became a spy. Now, if you don’t mind, we have a plan to set”

You both went downstairs and sat around the table. Your brother who had contacted Jyn had a full history of the suspects.

“So what do you know?”

“Four suspects, males” Cassian placed pictures in front of you, “The first one is named John Garcia. Origins from Spain but grew up in America. I was sent after him two months ago but found no proof that he is involved in illegal actions”

“The second one” your brother continued, “Is John Smith. Has been accused of tax fraud but got away with it god knows how. Despite that, he has a respected profile in society”

“The third one is Adam Smith, John’s brother. He was also accused of it and they both are successful businessmen” you continued.

“And we have the last and main suspect, Alexander Wright. He is the leader of another organization named “Rise”. We destroyed it two years ago but he got away, along with his beliefs for a better world” Cassian leaned back and crossed his hands against his chest. “If you know anything about him, this would be the best time to say it”

“I have said everything I know to the chief hence the information we’ve got in our hands” you gritted your teeth. Why couldn’t he stop asking?

“I don’t doubt it, I am just saying that you could at least tell us where you know him from” he replied more aggressively this time.

“Why can’t you just drop it?”

“Because you clearly know something more but refuse to tell us!”

“Maybe because it’s none of your business?”

“It is my business from the moment that thousands of lives depend on us!”

“Oh, so you’re now saying that I am selfish” you yelled and he did too, “Even if you aren’t, you act like it! How can I trust you if I know that you’re hiding something?”

“You don’t trust me” the realization hit harder than you’d expected.

“It’s not-” he sighed. “You don’t trust me with this. And trust goes both ways”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “I do trust you” the admission came out forced but it was true.

“Then act like it”

“We actually found this” your brother tried to change the subject and handed you a paper.

“Annual ball? Who does that in the 21st century?” you read the invitation.

“Apparently it is a nice cover for some dirty business. We hacked into John’s e-mail and found that he had sent a message to the other three”

“I guess we’ll have to find out ourselves”

“Exactly. These are your invitations, without them you’re not allowed to enter. The ball is in one week but until then we have something else to do”

“What?” you asked not taking your eyes off the paper in front of you.

“I have to make my name known,” Cassian said skeptically. “Is there any event this week?”

“Uh, the art exhibition on the main square, the celebration of the town’s foundation, and this ball”

“That will do”

“Are we done here?” you asked already tired of this. All of this.

“I guess so. What do you say about going out like we used to? Catch up with what we’ve missed?” your brother turned to Cassian who thankfully agreed. You weren’t ready to talk with him yet.

Even though you tried not to show it your last fight had hurt you more than you could’ve imagined. It’s just that although you and Cassian were never close, there was always trust between you.

You spent the next hours in your room reading and when the sun fall you ate alone and went to sleep.

It was only a couple of hours later, your mind refusing to let you sleep that you heard the door opening and closing again, a few footsteps, and the cricking sound of the cot.

“Are you awake?” Cassian whispered.

“Yes,” you replied.

A few seconds passed before he spoke again “Why are we doing this?” he asked softly. You knew what he meant.

“I don’t know” A few more seconds passed, “Honestly, I don’t know” you closed your eyes and this time sleep came.

Part 3

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Α/Ν: Alright, this chapter sucks, I know it and I am so sorry but it was 23.00 and I had to post it so please forgive me, I promise the next one is better.

[is-solarpunk]

A Solarpunk Manifesto

Many people have written about Solarpunk during the last 10+ years. Mostly after 2014. 

The genre is not yet clearly defined.

This Solarpunk Manifesto is a creative re-adaptation of ideas about solarpunk written by many people. These ideas can be mainly found in Solarpunk: a reference guide which can be found here and in Solarpunk: Notes towards a Manifesto by Adam Flynn, which can be found here.

A Solarpunk Manifesto

Solarpunk is a movement in speculative fiction, art, fashion, and activism that seeks to answer and embody the question “what does a sustainable civilization look like, and how can we get there?” 

The aesthetics of solarpunk merge the practical with the beautiful, the well-designed with the green and lush, the bright and colorful with the earthy and solid. 

Solarpunk can be utopian, just optimistic, or concerned with the struggles en route to a better world ,  but never dystopian. As our world roils with calamity, we need solutions, not only warnings.

Solutions to thrive without fossil fuels, to equitably manage real scarcity and share in abundance instead of supporting false scarcity and false abundance, to be kinder to each other and to the planet we share.

Solarpunk is at once a vision of the future, a thoughtful provocation, a way of living and a set of achievable proposals to get there.

We are solarpunks because optimism has been taken away from us and we are trying to take it back.

We are solarpunks because the only other options are denial or despair.

At its core, Solarpunk is a vision of a future that embodies the best of what humanity can achieve: a post-scarcity, post-hierarchy, post-capitalistic world where humanity sees itself as part of nature and clean energy replaces fossil fuels.

The “punk” in Solarpunk is about rebellion, counterculture, post-capitalism, decolonialism and enthusiasm. It is about going in a different direction than the mainstream, which is increasingly going in a scary direction.

Solarpunk is a movement as much as it is a genre: it is not just about the stories, it is also about how we can get there.

Solarpunk embraces a diversity of tactics: there is no single right way to do solarpunk. Instead, diverse communities from around the world adopt the name and the ideas, and build little nests of self-sustaining revolution.

Solarpunk provides a valuable new perspective, a paradigm and a vocabulary through which to describe one possible future. Instead of embracing retrofuturism, solarpunk looks completely to the future. Not an alternative future, but a possible future.

Our futurism is not nihilistic like cyberpunk and it avoids steampunk’s potentially quasi-reactionary tendencies: it is about ingenuity, generativity, independence, and community.

Solarpunk emphasizes environmental sustainability and social justice.

Solarpunk is about finding ways to make life more wonderful for us right now, and also for the generations that follow us.

Our future must involve repurposing and creating new things from what we already have. Imagine “smart cities” being junked in favor of smart citizenry.

Solarpunk recognizes the historical influence politics and science fiction have had on each other.

Solarpunk recognizes science fiction as not just entertainment but as a form of activism.

Solarpunk wants to counter the scenarios of a dying earth, an insuperable gap between rich and poor, and a society controlled by corporations. Not in hundreds of years, but within reach.

Solarpunk is about youth maker culture, local solutions, local energy grids, ways of creating autonomous functioning systems. It is about loving the world.

Solarpunk culture includes all cultures, religions, abilities, sexes, genders and sexual identities.

Solarpunk is the idea of humanity achieving a social evolution that embraces not just mere tolerance, but a more expansive compassion and acceptance.

The visual aesthetics of Solarpunk are open and evolving. As it stands, it is a mash-up of the following:

1800s age-of-sail/frontier living (but with more bicycles)

Creative reuse of existing infrastructure (sometimes post-apocalyptic, sometimes present-weird)

Appropriate technology

Art Nouveau

Hayao Miyazaki

Jugaad-style innovation from the non-Western world

High-tech backends with simple, elegant outputs

Solarpunk is set in a future built according to principles of New Urbanism or New Pedestrianism and environmental sustainability.

Solarpunk envisions a built environment creatively adapted for solar gain, amongst other things, using different technologies. The objective is to promote self sufficiency and living within natural limits.

In Solarpunk we’ve pulled back just in time to stop the slow destruction of our planet. We’ve learned to use science wisely, for the betterment of our life conditions as part of our planet. We’re no longer overlords. We’re caretakers. We’re gardeners.

Solarpunk:

is diverse

has room for spirituality and science to coexist

is beautiful

can happen. Now

[petrichorpetals]

So I finished reading Babel and I have thoughts tm

Spoilers under the cut:

So I'll begin this with I went into Babel expecting to love it! And I love the magic system, I love the world building that we do and it had me 100% sold in the beginning. But at about the halway point, cracks started to form. I love the idea of Hermes and I do love the heavy lifting that the book does to make this as period accurate as possible. I feel like the point that the book honestly lost me for the first time was when Robin covered for Victoire and Ramy when they were stealing for Hermes. I hate how Robin doesn't play off innocence at all and immediately folds once Hermes even gets so much as mentioned. I hate that he has to do his own mental gymnastics over justifying giving up one singular safe house that never has any ramifications. I hate how Victoire and Ramy immediately get mad at him for not telling them about Hermes even though they know how secretive Hermes is, and I additionally hate how long it even takes for them to have this conversation other than not now Letty's around.

And Letty. Oh how I could go on about Letty.

I feel like my biggest complaint for this book is probably the lack of character development. We hardly ever get Robin's thoughts and opinions on things and in the beginning, that's intentional. He doesn't want to think too hard about difficult things like the professor being his father or even small details on how he feels about his friends besides they simply are. The book tries to explain how they're actually really good true friends when it's glaringly obvious they're friends of opportunity. Ramy is well described and is honestly the character with the most personality in this book. Letty is constantly being excluded from talks either because she's white so she "won't understand" so they never bother to even try to explain, or because she doesn't know about Hermes. I'll save her rant for now but it's both unsurprising that the girl literally named Victory and a descendant of Haiti, the nation that successfully led and won a slave revolt and the option for self governance, was the one to continue on the narrative despite her having honestly less character growth than Robin. Robin as well didn't even feel like Robin at the end, he just felt like we shifted Griffin's character onto him without doing much to support it. I can understand becoming jaded with the world, but the boy that was so wracked with guilt over killing his father suddenly shifting to I'm okay with active murder and slaughter of innocents is too hard of a right. Especially when he was so terrified by griffin doing it!!! Robin left Hermes explicitly because all of these ideas of suffering were so far away that he can't see them to feel compassion towards these people's problems, yet at the end he martyrs himself for this same cause???? We did a full 180% shift without the groundwork or explanation. We started killing off characters without fleshing them out any beyond a name and occasionally a tragic backstory we'll drop 2 or 3 chapters before they die at BEST. Most characters exist as just strawman puppets that we can tug around for plot. We spent so long occupying the tower and I couldn't tell you anything about the end occupants of the tower other than two of them were maybe dating???

Far far too much time was spent trying to shoehorn in our political agenda to the point where all subterfuge and metaphor gets thrown out the window in favor for saying colonialism is bad. What's worse is that it's even a political agenda I agree with! It would have been better if we have characters actually living out the tragic circumstances that we're told they find themselves in other than them being vaguely talked about as things like "Yeah no this shop refused Ramy and I entry" and never expanded on other than that empty statement. I'm not saying that you have to write out a whole hate crime but you can act out some of the microagressions. I think the worst part is that the few microagressions we do get acted out never good any weight... like the scene where Robin gets invited to hang out with the rich nepo baby kids and they treat him as an exotic toy. Robin literally just tells them off, steals their booze, and absconds from the interaction facing no consequences other than a bruised ego. The boys don't retaliate in any way. (As a side note: I do really enjoy how Robin kept comparing his situation to certain Cantonese words towards the end and I desperately wish he was doing that the entire book.)

Another major complaint I have with this book is there's 0 nuance. It's all excruciatingly quite literally black and white. I think Abel is the only confirmed white person besides maybe the professors (who we never get race described to my knowledge) that doesn't turn out to be an asshole. Additionally, we've been led to believe that this system is hundreds of years old and we have no people of color in positions of power? None that are considered British citizens? We're told that the live translators are in high demand and Babel has associates everywhere around the globe, and yet Victoire claims that there's no one that looks like them in a position of power and that they'd never be considered British. As someone that adores that kind of history, I can tell you for a fact that it's untrue. They might not have been 100% treated with the same respect if they weren't light skinned enough to pass but there's been black men with positions of power within Britain. There's probably a lot more people just hiding their ancestry that can pass as white. They even bring up the fact that Robin can pass better than Ramy like!!! There's no one that really waffles back and forth between these worlds like Robin did in the beginning. It's either you live out your life normally and you're acknowledging all the harm done around you and you're okay with it or you fight a losing battle and suffer because of it.

And if that isn't the biggest complaint I have with the book. It honestly felt that by the end nothing fucking mattered at all!!!!! Robin even acknowledges that even by destroying the tower, it's just symbolic and they'll rebuild it later. There's no change to the system at all beyond death at a large scale. It gives such conflicting messages. The parliament was still going to vote to go to war against china, all of hermes basically got destroyed in Britain, and yet the girl named Victory escaped to go find the resistance elsewhere????? The book acts as if the tower going down was one final act of defiance but it went down because like Victoire said, Robin wanted to die. I also hated the way that we waved around Griffin's letter to Robin and once Robin refused to read it the first time it became blindly obvious he never will. Victoire doesn't even tell us what it says other than how she read it and Griffin tells Robin about their assuredly younger brothers also by their father.

But one of the biggest missed opportunities came from Robin's name. His real name was stolen from him by his father and he was forced to become Robin. Robin tries to reclaim back that part of himself by rejecting his father but he never tells the audience his true name. It's even hinted in the book that he remembers it still, and yet he dies with us only ever knowing him as Robin. Honestly it should have been a ceremony with Hermes of reclaiming back the heritage stolen from you by reclaiming your own name. It'd work for security too since when pressed for associates, they can't give up Robin if they only know him as Xiu Ling. It would have added so much depth to the characters if Victoire named herself that. There's so many missed opportunities that this book had that it ignored in favor of trying to advance the worldbuilding and push the story's morals.

Okay I've talked around her for long enough. It's time to talk about Letty. There's so much going on that it's hard to figure out where to start. I think parts of Letty were written well. I think the book accurately was foreshadowing the way that they were purposely leaving her out of the loop. The way she occasionally had to dress as a man to have any respect. You can see the way they isolated her on purpose and I agree that in her position I would have gone a little mad as well. But then we have her indoctrunated into Hermes and the way they weren't looking for her in conjunction with the professor's murder like they were the other three. That one honestly made no sense, (beyond the obvious trying to foreshadow her betrayal) but something that genuinely made me angry was the scene where they were actually being honest with Letty about how people are being racist towards them and Letty started crying for them. Robin says a line that was the equivalent of "It's funny how we told her about all the horrible stuff we deal with and we've become the ones to comfort her" and it immediately pissed me off. Yes I understand that this is meant to be synonymous with white guilt and white people making themselves the center of poc narratives, but it doesn't fully work here. It's not always shown, but they do make an active effort to hide how badly they're treated to Letty since she "doesn't understand" without making an effort to educate her. If course she crying! She's being told that her best friends in the world are being treated like shit when she actively forgets how the world views them as nothing more than their skin color. Letty has never been shown to be actively racist, just borderline maliciously ignorant. And some of the things that they get mad at her for "not noticing" are things that happen behind closed doors that she couldn't have been aware of???? Like the professor wanting Victoire to wear slave chains thing. It's a fucked up thing that we as an audience cry along with Letty when we find out about it. By insisting that Letty shouldn't be crying for her friends, you insist that the audience shouldn't either. I really don't know what response they expected out of her. They literally describe Letty as basically having a "delicate sensability" and yet they expect her to basically go :/ damn that's fucked up anyways how about lunch? Did they want her to passionately write the schoolboard? You're telling her a pitiful story and berating her for being willfully ignorant, of course she's going to cry that she never noticed! Society had also trained her not to notice to begin with! That shit needs to be unlearned from the impassivity ingrained in us by society.

But Letty's betrayal. Other than her loose foreshadowing that we were talking about earlier, it honestly comes from nowhere. Letty later tried to justify herself that they were threatening violent and criminal acts but the only one actively doing that was Griffin. Everyone else at Hermes only tolerated his violent tendances and agreed to them only as a last resort option. They were literally about to leave to go spread out pamphlets for god's sake, not start an active blood war like she tries to say. Also what was her fucking plan there? They're planning on being potentially violent so I'm going to stop it with more aggressive violence? I really really don't buy the part of her being an admiral's daughter so she's a good shot. Her father was negligent towards her to the point where he barely taught her anything, there's absolutely no way that he taught his DAUGHTER how to shoot. They also tell us this fact as though we ever saw Letty shoot a gun before this scene. The reasoning that her friends were indoctrinated into almost committing violent criminal acts is a solid one, but I genuinely don't get the sudden shift of valuing being patriotic over her friends that she'd previously professed she'd die for. Telling the police because she's worried for them is one thing, but actively coming back to lead the charge and shoot one of them is another. And especially her shooting the boy that she liked???? I'm with Victoire and Robin in asking Why????????? It's so out of left field entirely. But I will say that Robin is assuming a LOT when he tries to say that she shot him because he didn't like her back. You could tell that wasn't the full truth, but we'll never fucking know because Babel is allergic to characters having moral nuance so she just says that she killed him and didn't mean to. Letty and Robin both experience such hard right shifts in personality by the end that they're unrecognizable.

I always do this thing when I read media where I describe what the reading experience is like and for Babel it was like being constantly on a slow moving train passing by set after set. Large swatches of the story felt like a montage rather than a story we could see taking place. It felt like a slideshow of events shoved together. I truly believe that if this book was several novels and we learned to go heavy on the character work and development as well as adding conflicting narratives within the story it would easily be a 5 star book. Give the characters a personality beyond their suffering and make them less of strawmen from their culture. Like for fucks sake, we showed a Chinese girl on exhibit whose feet were bound and just went isn't that fucked up lol anyways and moved on. We were being told that the girl is just a spectacle to be gawked at, but that's exactly what the narrative treated her as too! These characters don't exist beyond their suffering they endure and have no personality beyond that. We have a political regime that is actively harming its citizens, no longer passively, and people just go about their day as usual uncaring about the destruction around them. The British can put up with passivity but the effects of the seige on Babel made it to where they could no longer passively not care. They went into this tower with no plan and honestly it would have gone better with the pamphleting!!!! It had the same effect!!!!!!!! The bad press and social outcry would have pressed them to doing something, but the narrative decides that the government just doesn't care. You can really tell that at the end the author didn't know what to do with the story so they decided this is the best course of action. It's also blatantly obvious that Griffin was originally meant to be the main character, the author got hit by writers block, tried to write out the story from another perspective and liked that one better. Griffin's sudden death to Sterling wouldn't have as much forced backstory otherwise.

[em-pt-ily]

My days of being in my 20s are numbered

So I made up a thought experiment for me to consider, a reverse 13 going on 30 situation

If I went back to when I was 13, with all the knowledge I have now, what would I change or do differently

At first I think of what I would want to say to certain people, to tell them how much they matter to me. And tell them how I don’t say or take things lightly, because I try to only say things that feel imperative and emotionally articulate. I think of all of the mistakes I made, and while I now understand why I made them, I wish I could say I wouldn’t make them again. I think about the pain I inflicted on people, and the pain that was inflicted upon me, and I realize I still don’t know how I would have otherwise expressed or coped with my feelings back then. It wasn’t safe to feel or speak about my emotions, I didn’t have an outlet for them, so I took actions that were ultimately destructive but gratifying in the moment. I also know how hard things end up getting as time moves forward, how tired I am and feel about existing, and I don’t know that I would have the energy to do better and aim higher and achieve more. I know how limiting my mental health is/was, and wish I could have gotten help sooner, but that was out of my control, so I did what I had to do to survive until college. I can’t fathom how to resolve the cynicism I had throughout childhood. It was draining, and the only thing that gave me hope was being in control of my life as an adult. But I barely feel capable of adulthood, even as I approach 30. In the chaos of this world, I barely feel in control of what my future will look like. At 18 I crumbled when I lost the only semblance of a support system that I had, which is why the only thing I would want to change is to go back and try to solidify it, strengthen it, and maybe expand it.

But then I think about the implications of that change. How my mistakes and destruction led to the circumstances that allowed me to build the life I have today. If I didn’t hit rock bottom, I don’t think I would have met my partner. If I didn’t meet my partner, I wouldn’t have my cat and our life and our future and our family. As much as I wish I could reduce the pain and loss that I went through, if I went back to 13 and did my best to prevent it, I don’t know that I would want to trade what my life could have been for what I have now. It’s still not my best life, but it’s what I’ve built so far on my way to achieve that. I have a relationship that I never imagined to be possible. I have animals that I adore. I have a small piece of financial security. And maybe soon another worthwhile career. Is it all worth what it cost me to get here? Do my achievements outweigh my suffering? Does my love feel deeper than my loss? I wish I could tell. I wish my brain didn’t keep me numb to avoid experiencing the realities of personhood. I wish I felt more capable of becoming the best version of myself.

I sleep so much nowadays. I get lost in my dreams, and invested in the worlds and feelings I get to experience. I don’t know how to bring myself back to our reality, when I am so easily drained by it. I don’t know how to escape from the isolation I’ve cultivated in my life, unintentionally. So much was broken by my episode in 2022. I guess that’s what started this train of thought, reflecting on what I would fix about my life, if I could go back to one of the most fraught but pivotal times in my life. So much seems inevitable, looking back. Tiny fractures that spread and splintered until the integrity of my self was compromised. I think I never quite got the pieces put back together after shattering so much. My partner is the same. We have tried to help each other gather the pieces and put them back together, since we met at our lowest points. We have filled any holes or voids with our love and laughter and life together. So much of who I am has developed from his support, his care, and his commitment to loving me. It’s all I ever wanted from somebody. A lifelong best friend. I am beyond fortunate to share my life with him. So much of me wishes we could have known each other at 13. Before we lost pieces of ourselves that we never recovered. I wonder how much deeper our friendship and love would be. If we would have weathered the trials of adolescence together constructively. Right now I think we give each other whatever we have left of ourselves. But I’ve always wanted more. Especially of myself. I want to have more to give. But maybe that’s dangerous. Once you give yourself away, I don’t know if you can get that back.

We are going to keep losing pieces. When we lose our babies. Our parents. I already don’t know how we will get through those losses. I’m barely surviving what I’ve lost of myself increasingly over time. It feels like global warming. My icebergs are melting and I can’t get them back. My ocean is rising and beginning to flood the landforms of my mind. It’s so hard to get to higher ground, and not mourn the places I experienced life in before. I don’t know how to make it stop. I treaded water as long as I could. I float while I’m sleeping and dreaming and just try not to drown when I’m awake. I can only swim for so long.

I’m hoping that my 30’s are not as tempestuous as what came before. I hope I can get through what’s to come with more grace and poise than I did with things as a child, as a teenager, as an early adult. I hope I can break out of my dissociation and reconnect with my life. I haven’t been able to articulate thoughts like these in a while. So hopefully this is a good sign that something is changing. I like change. Things have been stagnant within me for too long.

[strategies-forbuilding]

Elevate Your Fitness Journey: Embracing Gym Workout Challenges

Introduction: Welcome to the arena of fitness challenges, where ordinary workouts transform into exhilarating adventures and every rep becomes a triumph. In this guide, we'll explore the world of gym workout challenges, designed to push your limits, ignite your motivation, and propel you towards your fitness goals with unstoppable momentum. Get ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery, transformation, and unparalleled growth as we delve into the transformative power of gym workout challenges.

1. The Thrill of the Challenge: Experience the thrill of the challenge as you push your body to new heights and conquer obstacles you never thought possible. Gym workout challenges offer a unique opportunity to test your strength, endurance, and mental fortitude in a supportive and competitive environment. As fitness icon David Goggins once said, "The only way you're going to get to the other side of this journey is by suffering."

2. Variety and Excitement: Inject excitement and variety into your workout routine with a diverse range of gym workout challenges tailored to your interests and fitness goals. From strength challenges like the squat challenge and push-up challenge to endurance challenges like the 5k run challenge and stair climbing challenge, there's something for everyone to enjoy. By mixing up your workouts and trying new challenges, you'll keep your body guessing and prevent boredom from creeping in.

3. Setting Goals and Crushing Them: Set ambitious goals for yourself and crush them with the support and accountability of gym workout challenges. Whether it's completing a certain number of reps, achieving a personal best time, or conquering a difficult exercise variation, each challenge provides an opportunity to push beyond your limits and unlock your full potential. As fitness guru Greg Plitt once said, "The pain of discipline is nothing compared to the pain of regret."

4. Building Confidence and Resilience: Build confidence and resilience as you overcome challenges, face setbacks, and emerge stronger on the other side. Every challenge you conquer builds mental toughness, character, and self-belief, empowering you to tackle any obstacle that comes your way, both inside and outside the gym. As fitness icon Jillian Michaels once said, "Transformation isn't a future event, it's a present-day activity."

5. Celebrating Success and Growth: Celebrate your successes and growth throughout your fitness journey, whether it's completing a challenge, reaching a milestone, or simply showing up and giving it your all. Each victory, no matter how small, is a testament to your dedication, perseverance, and unwavering commitment to your health and well-being. As fitness icon Arnold Schwarzenegger once said, "Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths."

Why Invest in Gym Workout Challenges? Investing in gym workout challenges is investing in your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. These challenges provide the perfect combination of motivation, excitement, and accountability to keep you inspired, engaged, and committed to your fitness journey. As fitness icon Tony Robbins once said, "It's not about having time, it's about making time."

Conclusion: Gym workout challenges are more than just tests of physical prowess; they're opportunities for growth, transformation, and self-discovery. By embracing the thrill of the challenge, setting ambitious goals, and celebrating your successes along the way, you'll unlock your full potential and achieve greatness in the gym and beyond.

Are you ready to elevate your fitness journey with the excitement and motivation of gym workout challenges? Join the adventure, push your limits, and discover what you're truly capable of as you embark on the ultimate quest for health, strength, and vitality.

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