#and then immediately afterwards he sees inej

[twilight-zoned-out]

“Seems we both share an appreciation for life’s beauty.”

-Tolya Yul-Bataar

Shadow and Bone, ‘No Funerals’

[frost-queen]

Miss steal ya things (Reader x Kaz Brekker)

Requested by: anon, Forever tag:@missmelodramatic, @merlin-dahlia, @alex--awesome--22 @elllie-does-the-posts, @floatlosers, @merlieve, @queen-of-books, @glimmering-darling-dolly@denkisclown, @wildieflower, @meyocoko, @bubblybrianna, @justanothercoco@subjecta13-thefangirl, @m-rae23, @harleyquinnswifeyfrfr, @swampthing07, @melsunshine

Summary: Kaz and you are enemies at first but you start to fall for each other. You have an argument with him in the rain (like Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet fight scene) where you kiss afterwards despite what was said.

Kaz hastened himself up the stairs. Whatever he wanted almost in his grasp. He could almost feel it. The weight of it in his hand. All that pure gold dangling from a necklace. Behind him, he heard some grunts. Letting him know Nina was taking them out. Upstairs there was commotion. He knew Inej was clearing the path for him. She had taken the approach from above, making her way down while Nina worked her way up.

He also knew Wylan and Jesper were waiting outside with a carriage. When the time came, they’d stop underneath the window so he could escape. He moved aside, pushing himself to the wall when a man came rolling down the stairs. Kaz looked up with a grunt, seeing Inej smile apologetic. Her attention drawn away when another man came at her, making her move backwards, knives in the ready.

Kaz went further up, stepping over some fallen people thanks to Inej. He knew right where to be. He took a left, opening the door. His eyes widened at seeing something he did not expect. Staring frozen at a girl, holding his precious necklace. – “Put that down!” – Kaz ordered with a firm point.

You stared in shock back at him. – “I’m sorry I didn’t know this was yours.” – you replied showing him the necklace. Kaz clenched his jaw making you smile. – “A necklace doesn’t seem to suit you.” – you said mockingly with a sarcastic smile. Kaz smiled sarcastically back. You let the necklace slide into your pocket for him to see. You wanted him to know what you just stole right from under his nose. Kaz gritted his teeth, lashing out to you.

You jumped away. Kaz stumbled against the desk, grabbing for nothing. Hastened he turned himself around, staring with wide eyes at you. You opened the widow, taking out the necklace again. – “I’ll let you have a souvenir.” – you pulled a ruby out of the necklace, throwing it at him. Kaz caught it, looking at the ruby in his gloved hand. You winked, letting yourself drop out of the window. Kaz hurried over to the window, grabbing the framework while sticking his head out.

You had fallen onto his carriage. He watched how Jesper and Wylan were surprised and confused when you came sitting between them for a second. Saluted them and then took off. Kaz punched his fist into the wall hard out of anger. From this day on, he had made an enemy.

You duck down, moving past barrels to stay out of sight. Coming to a stop, you dared yourself to peek over a barrel. Immediately ducking down when you saw one of Brekker’s crows stand on the port. He was whistling, tossing a coin up to catch in his hand. Seeing him made you smile. You were in the right place. Keeping a low profile, you moved further. Well aware of the wraith watching from above. You knelt down, turning around leaning close to the barrels.

Looking up, you watched the roofs of the storing houses close to the docks. Moving your hand up, holding your thumb and index finger up. Squinting your eye, you moved your hand to a spot on the roof. The wraith’s silhouette fitting perfectly between your fingers. – “Found you.” – you whispered pleased. Now that you knew her position it was but a matter of staying out of her sights. Moving further you saw the heartrender flirt with some dockworkers.

Good she was keeping them busy for you. There was still no sign of Brekker or the other kid. You neared the ship, sneaking on it. You staid low, shuffling closer to the lower decks. There you waited a few seconds before making your way down. Down below the compartment was lighted up with a few candle holders. You smirked seeing the boy stand with his back towards you. Still no sign of Brekker.

“I’ll take that.” – you said, taking out a gun. The guy got startled, bumping with his back to the crates at the sight of you. You smiled, tilting your head a bit to the side. – “I’ll take whatever you are packing.” – you said twirling with your finger at him. The boy blinked confused, looking rather nervous. – “You…you want it… it all?” – he repeated slightly confused. You sighed loud. – “Yes I’ll take whatever Brekker is trying to steal.” – you responded. The boy wasn’t sure what you wanted. – “Uhm…” – he looked behind him to the crates. – “What’s in the crates?” – you asked, making him aware of your gun.

He moved his hands up desperately. – “Just… chemicals.” – he told you with a slight stutter. – “Chemicals?” – you repeated lowering your gun on him. – “Uhm yes… chemicals I produced myself.” – he explained, not sure why he even told you. – “Huh.” – you said loud trying to process it. Scratching the gun against the back of your head, the boy seemed frantic about it. Worried you’d might shoot yourself in the head or so.

“W…watch that!” – he said having almost jumped at you to take it from you. – “What? This?” – you said lowering the gun. He nodded shy. – “Worthless.” – you said carelessly holding one finger through the loop, the gun flopped upside down. – “Doesn’t even have bullets in it.” – you chuckled out. – “What?” – the boy blurted out. – “I got you there didn’t I.” – you laughed tossing the useless gun aside. – “I’m no fan of guns.” – you told him.

“So Brekker isn’t here to steal anything?” – you asked after some silence. – “No.” – the boy answered immediately. – “Shame…” – you shrugged your shoulders. – “What is he planning on doing then?” – you asked coming closer. The boy fluttered confused with his eyelashes when you came standing beside him, looking inside the crates. – “He… he means to blow it up.” – Wylan said, maybe regretting he did. You stared at Wylan. – “Boom.” – Wylan mimicked with sound effects and hand movements. It made you laugh loud. – “You are funny. I like you.” – you told him.

Wylan chuckled softly, rubbing his hands nervously together. – “You… you are the girl that keeps stealing our stuff right?” – Wylan asked, questioning your presence. You hummed loud. – “Y/n!” – you said, holding your hand out. – “Wylan.” – he responded, shaking it. You sighed loud, looking at the crates once more. – “Shame there is nothing to steal from him. I would’ve loved to see his face when I did.” – you said to yourself. – “Anyways say my regrets to Brekker. You should definitely tell him I was here.” – you told him with a wink.

You plucked a self-made bomb from the crate. – “Also I’m holding onto this.” – you said pinching Wylan in his cheek. Wylan rubbed his cheek watching you head back out. Funny. He thought you were strange but funny. He could see why Kaz got so worked up over you.

Wylan returned to his chemicals and bomb hearing suddenly loud tapping of a cane on the wood. Kaz emerged down. – “Is everything in order?” – he asked looking around, still standing on a few steps. – “Yes…” – Wylan responded. – “Just uhm…” – he started. – “Just what?” – Kaz cut through. – “Well your uhm… the girl appeared… Y/n.” – Wylan said making Kaz clench his hand.

“She thought you were stealing something… she just left… although she did take one of the bombs I made.” – Wylan said innocently. Kaz tapped his cane loudly onto the stairs. Annoyed, he turned around. – “Finish up!” – he ordered Wylan before heading back up. He walked up on the docks, Inej dropping down beside him. – “You missed her!” – he pointed out to catch her on her neglecting.

Inej stopped, staring stunned in front of her. – “How? I…” – she said getting back in motion to catch up with Kaz. – “I…I should’ve seen her. I had the best view.” – Inej continued. – “But you didn’t.” – Kaz spoke back angry. – “Now she’s run off with a bomb of mine.” – he said walking firmly as Inej had stopped following him.

 You outdid yourself of the cloak, you had been wearing as a disguise. Having snuck into the building. Taking careful routes, you made your way over to the office of interest. You had to be quick before Kaz Brekker would be there before you. You ran past a window on the swirling staircase, catching quick that it had started to rain. Panting loud, you reached the top. Busting into the office. Your eyes widened seeing Kaz Brekker. He was leaning against the desk, casually going through some papers.

Once you entered, he barely looked up from them. – “I was starting to think you weren’t going to show up.” – he said turning a page. You looked confused behind you. You thought for sure you’d be here before him. – “How did you…” – you wondered. Kaz laid the papers down, taking his cane that had been leaning against the desk. – “Got here before you?” – he rephrased with a sly smile. – “Dear Y/n. I adapt.” – he said moving a heartful hand to his chest. You blinked confused. – “I knew you’d keep tabs on me, trying to snatch any of my prizes from under my nose.” – he started to move closer to you.

“It was but a matter of making you believe my plan while actually there was a plan underneath the plan.” – he said proudly standing face to face with you. You stared back at him, hating to admit how perfectly clever that was of him. He smirked back at you. – “Apologies but I believe this is mine to take.” – he said, patting his chest, letting you know he was hiding the papers there. You slowly started to clap for his amusement. – “I must applaud you Brekker. You are not so dumb after all.”

Kaz swayed his finger from side to side. – “I am many things Y/n, but not dumb.” – he answered. Kaz and you kept staring at each other till you heard something clatter into the room. Kaz and you looked down at the tube where smoke was sizzling out. Kaz’s eyes widened. – “Run!” – he called out, pushing you aside. He dived back just in time as the tube went off. Bombing the room with a bright light. The blast made you crash against the wall.

Kaz and your ears were buzzing, coughing loud trying to get up. Kaz felt a sting of pain on the side of his face. Touching it brief, he felt the bruising. He kept coughing, seeing you lay down on the ground. In an attempt to head over to you, he stumbled back to the ground. You were moving a bit restless making him crawl over the floor to reach you. A bit of his hearing coming back as he heard commotion on the stairs. He poked you with his cane. – “Get up…” – he coughed out. – “Y/n get up!” – he ordered, poking you more.

You slowly got up, coughing loud. Kaz kept poking you to get a move on. Both of you got up, helping each other. You duck down, covering up your ears when shots were fired inside the office. Kaz ducked down as well, holding his arm over you. – “The window!” – he shouted with a firm head motion. You nodded stumbling over to it. Kaz broke the window with his cane, glass clattering on the ground.

The rain outside pouring heavily. He stuck his head out, looking for a way out. He saw a carriage approach. If he timed it right, it would break your fall when you jump down. More shots were getting fired into the office, making you jump out of your skin. Kaz turned to you. – “You jump when I say so!” – he said angrily. You looked down for yourself. – “No way!” – you called out, taking a step back. Did he not know how high that was? Did he just wanted you to jump out of the window to crack your skull open, so he’d be rid of you?

Kaz clenched his jaw, looking down to see the carriage near. Not up for a discussion, he grabbed you firmly by your clothing. Pulling hard at it as he tossed you out of the window. You screamed loud when he came jumping out after you. Your back hit the roof of the carriage hard. Just in time you were able to roll over or Kaz would’ve fallen on top of you. He lifted his head up, puffing some hair out of his face. The carriage rode further away making him look back to the building.

In the window he spotted some men, pointing their guns out to shoot. His eyes widened, grabbing you again by the clothing. You squeaked when he pulled you with him off the carriage. You landed on some sacks that broke your fall. – “Get up!” – he ordered kicking you with his cane. You struggled to get up as he rolled with his eyes, holding his cane out to you. You took it, letting him pull you up to your feet. He gave you a push against your back with his cane, insisting you’d go a certain way.

The rain getting you soaking wet. Kaz motioned with his head for you to continue to walk. He and you started to run, taking shelter from the rain underneath a roofing. Panting loud, you let yourself lean against the wall. Kaz glanced your way, catching his breath. Taking in a deep breath, he felt compelled by you. – “Y/n.” – he started asking for your attention. You turned to him, startled. – “Why’d you save me? It certainly felt out of character for you.” – you stated watching something change in his gaze.

Something shy and as if it was so clear. You recognized it making you step back. He saved you because he cared. You pressed your lips together, finding it hard to believe. – “I did not intend for this. I tried everything to snuff it out.” -  Kaz tightened his jaw. – “Are you laughing at me?” – he asked. – “No.” – you replied fierce. – “Are you rejecting me?” – he then asked, seeing how silent you remained. – “I am told the feelings that you harbor against everyone will help you overcome it.” – you stated.

Kaz looked rather uncertain. – “May I ask why I am repulsed?” – he continued. – “And I may ask why so evident in desire of insulting me, you chose to tell me you like me against your better judgement.” – you called out. – “No, believe me I…” – Kaz cut through, but you waltzed right over him with your words. – “If I was so uncivil then that is some excuse, but you know I have other reasons.” – you said firmly. In the distance the sky was rumbling with thunder.

“Like what?” – Kaz said back annoyingly. – “What of Wylan?” – you asked. Kaz visibly looked frustrated. – “What about Wylan?” – he snapped. – “What excuse can you give me for your behavior towards him.” – you spoke as he approached intimidatingly. – “You are taking an eager interest in him?” – Kaz replied. – “He told me of his treatment.” – you spoke, staring intensely into his eyes. – “Oh yes his treatment have been very great indeed.” – Kaz answered sarcastically.

“You ruin his personality and yet you treat him with sarcasm.” – you made clear. Kaz stared briefly down at your lips. – “So this is your opinion of me?” – he said hurtful. – “Thank you for explaining so fully!” – he called out. His gaze caught up in yours. – “Perhaps these offenses might have been overlooked had not your pride been hurt…” – he called out, angering you. – “My pride?” – you shouted at him. – “And my honesty!” – he yelled louder to overpower your voice. – “Admitting our relationship could you expect me to rejoice in the annoyance of your circumstances.” – he continued.

“And those are the words of a gentleman?” – you said closer to his face. – “From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and your selfish feelings towards others made me realize that you were the last man in the world I could ever fall in love with!” – you made clear to him. Kaz let his gaze go over you while you were out of breath. He leaned his head a bit closer, hesitant if he should.

His gaze drifted away to your lips. Sucking in a breath, he grabbed your head, forcing his lips onto yours. You inhaled loud, grabbing him as well. Lips desperately moving over his. He kept kissing you, guiding your back up against the wall. Lips rough against one another to release all the buildup tension. No matter the words that had fallen here, he knew they were lies. You knew it as well. Kissing him made that clear. The two of you were just to stubborn to admit it at first.

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[slightlyunconventional]

windows

Mornings in the Slat have never differed. It starts with Kaz getting up at some ungodly hour, significantly before anybody else has even stirred, leading many to wonder if he even slept at all. Next to rise is Inej, making her quiet descent down the stairs, eyes meeting Kaz's with a glint. They enjoy half an hour or so of comfortable silence, bathing in each other's presence, until the others begin to show. Wylan and Jesper come as a pair, sitting down together and Wylan almost immediately falling back to sleep on Jesper's shoulder. Shortly after comes Matthias, usually dragging a protesting Nina with him.

This morning was no different, except for one thing. Kaz had spent the past couple of hours muffling soft sneezes into his sleeve; not so many to be considered a fit, but just enough to cause slight concern. He was becoming mildly frustrated now because it just wouldn't seem to stop.

A short while later, he picked up the sound of Inej's soft footsteps against the stairs, and moments afterwards, she appeared from around the corner. They exchanged their usual greeting of short eye contact and Inej sat herself down in an armchair at the far end of the room. Not even a minute went by before Kaz felt the irritating need to sneeze again.

"Shit- hiH'NGKt! ..huhh."

Inej looked up to see him crushing a sharp sneeze into his wrist, but decided not to say anything for the time being.

Less than a second later, Kaz braced himself against his hand for another-

"..hH'nNGK-shUHh!"

The second half of the sneeze had clearly escaped the attempt at stifling, causing him to release an almost tired-sounding sigh and thick sniffle.

"Something bothering you?" asked Inej gently from across the room.

His response was simply, "ihHTSHUHh!" which apparently had caught him off guard, and confirmed Inej's suspicion.

"You aren't coming down with something, are you?" she inquired, eyes trained on him.

Kaz looked up. "..No. No, I'm not."

"Are you sure? That's three times you've sneezed now, and you never sneeze more than twice at a time.." replied Inej, still looking over at him.

A faint flush rose to his cheeks. "I'm fine, just... nothing," he said. Such mundane information of her to retain about me, he thought, a shallow sense of what he felt was embarrassment rising in him. He then remembered the stacks of things he knew about Inej, all of her quirks and individualities, organised in his mind like ledgers on an office shelf. The dark-haired man cleared his throat awkwardly, aware of the brief breakage of his cold outer shell, though Inej's presence allowed that shell to be lowered, even if only a little.

Inej tilted her head slightly to one side but decided again not to press the matter. That was, until Kaz rose warily from his seat to grace himself with the first (but definitely not last) steaming mug of pitch-black coffee of the day. The open window above the counter let in a gentle spring breeze right as he stood up, and the cool waft on Kaz's face triggered an involuntary inhale, as two heavy sneezes volleyed through him, almost stumbling over one another.

"haH'KTSCHh! KSSCHhuh!"

He gasped deeply again, and a third strong sneeze left him panting slightly.

"hahHH-! hH'KSCHUuh! Saints..."

Inej's concern manifested itself in the form of the small furrow between her brows that Kaz was always so secretly fond of. She opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by yet another sneeze, this time rather wet-sounding, ripping its way through the taller man.

"haH'GKkTSCHHh! The hell..?"

"Are you sure you're alright? I mean, could you be sensitive to something here?" Inej questioned. She was leaning on the worn counter now, careful not to get too close to Kaz, especially with him in a vulnerable state like this.

"I don't know," he replied, exasperated. Inej clocked the tiniest twitch of his face, before his eyes narrowed and brows drew together as he fought off another impending explosion. There was a faint note of triumph in his eyes as he succeeded in holding it back.

The stairs creaked, and Kaz stiffened. The wood's miserable squeaks heralded the appearance of Jesper, with a half-asleep Wylan at his side.

"You alright, boss? We heard some, uh. Commotion?" he asked warily.

"Fine." Kaz spat, striding past them with his lopsided gait, unable to ignore the itch still wreaking havoc in his sinuses. He was able to let his guard down in front of Inej - she'd never judge him, never laugh or make a mockery. But when anyone else came into the equation, he was all hard stone and sharp edges.

Kaz made his way to his office, scrubbing furiously at his nose, in no mood for paperwork (or anything, for that matter).

-

Considering Inej had heard nothing from upstairs all day, she assumed Kaz's "incident" from this morning had been nothing more than that - an incident. Nevertheless, she decided to pay him a visit.

She scaled the building and pushed open the window to Kaz's office at the top. Inej knew, tho he never showed it, that he liked her visits from the window.

Thankfully, he looked much less tense than he had done before, though his nose still possessed a faint pink tinge, and his eyes were now very slightly red-rimmed and watery. Much to her dismay, where Inej expected a greeting, she instead heard an irritated-

"huH'szZSCHH!"

She sighed as Kaz let out an exhausted groan.

"Are you going to tell me what's up?" Inej asked, only a little bit demanding.

Kaz pinched the bridge of his nose. "I already told you, I don't..." His lips parted. "...don't kn- huHh-! Idon'tknoHh'kKZSCHIEW!"

His attempts to hold back were futile, and he was forced to sneeze straight downwards, much to his own disgust.

"Saints, Kaz..." Inej said with worry, "And you're sure you're not coming down with something?"

He nodded, breath already snagging once again.

Inej appeared to ponder for a moment, recalling his outburst from earlier that morning. All she remembered was him standing up to make a coffee at the counter in front of the open wind- oh. The window. He had started sneezing again when she had entered through his office window, too. She sighed again in a mix between blaming herself and berating Kaz's obliviousness.

"Hayfever," she muttered.

Kaz glanced up. "What?"

"Hayfever," repeated Inej, "You started sneezing both times the window was open today, and this happens to be the highest pollen-count spring Ketterdam has seen in decades."

Kaz didn't believe her for a moment until he, too, considered it. He did distinctly remember a few unexplained fits having happened during jobs in "greener" nations that he never managed to put a finger on. And the time on Black Veil Island mere months ago, with the ridiculously abundant pollen from the flowers woven into Nina's hair after the job with Cornelis Smeet. He hadn't even been in close proximity that time. Sensitive much, he thought with an eye roll.

"How did you not realise that?" Inej questioned, almost incredulously.

Kaz, vaguely defensively, replied, "I just didn't really care to think about it."

Thinking about it now, however, seemed to reignite the fiery burn in his nose. He was determined to fight it back, but one slender, gloveless hand hovered instinctively between his desk and his face, anticipating the inevitable.

"Wylan will have some medicine for it, or something. He's the same."

Inej's words cut Kaz from his anticipatory trance and he ducked forward with a pair of sneezes.

"hih'khHSCHh! szZSCHh!"

"Bless you," offered Inej with a sympathetic smile. Kaz tried not to glare daggers at her. She leaned back and took the window's handle.

"I think I'll just close this."

[aquaburst3]

Me and @stormkitty97 were doing another writing session last night, except this time she was helping me write a new chapter in the Heartslabyul arc. (Long story short, I'm doing another round of edits to that and Savanaclaw, which resulted in me creating a new chapter to let the exposition and worldbuilding flow out at a more natural rate.) During it, we got to talking about how TWST handles its characters. One of the issues with the game, strangely, is that the boy don't act twisted enough.

Take the whole Playful Land situation. Honest Fellow wanted to subject the boys and Yuu to a fate worse than death by wanting to turn them into living puppets without the ability to move or speak. While I can sympathize with him growing up poor and working for an asshole boss, that's still incredibly fucked up and is sheer nightmare fuel. What happens? He walks away scott free to create his own school. Everyone shrugs it off like he just bumped into them at a shop. The fuck? Why weren't they mad at him and retaliated against him? He literally wanted to subjugate them to a fate worse than death! If the Dregs were ever put into a similar situation, even if it's impossible thanks to how the magic system works in the Grisha Verse, but the sake of argument, let's say it works similarly to TWST, then I can see Kaz flipping the magic that Honest Fellow wanted to use on him on himself. No one messes with him or his Crows, especially Inej! I would expect the NRC boys, especially Vil, Leona and Ace, to do something similar, since they are based on villains.

Similar thing goes for the Masquerade event. As dark as it sounds, I would've expected Malleus to shove Rollo off the tower, especially since he's a fae and has an inherent spiteful, cruel and sadistic streak for those who cross him.

It also goes in general as well. After the OB boys do some pretty fucked up shit, everyone immediately shrugs it off and never get the slightest bit upset. The only one to be realistically angry and upset afterwards is Ace, who snaps at Riddle for being a selfish brat and that he wouldn't easily forgive him. Even then, people berate him for not reading the room...despite the fact that he's absolutely right.

It's asinine. Most of these guys are based on villains, so you would expect the boys to show their dark side more and do more morally questionable acts like exacting their revenge, but they don't as often as you'd think. I think the SOC books/the S&B show handled these morally grey teen/young adult characters much better than TWST. To be honest, one of my goals in my writing is to make the NRC boys like the Crows—good people with a twisted side, who do some messed up shit at times and must face the music for their actions just like anyone else. I don't care if it doesn't exactly fit canon. It's just better writing.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Shadow and Bone 2x01 Review

I have just finished watching ep 1 and overall I think it was a solid episode and a good start to the season. It does a good job of getting you back into the swing of things and refamiliarizing you with the characters. It’s also got some interesting additions to the character list. So here are my thoughts on everything, obviously there are spoilers, there will also be some book spoilers so show only fans tread carefully, I will put a * before and after any book spoilers so you can skip over it if you want. 

Opening Scene

Right from the get go the show sets the tone with the opening titles, the shadows coming and ripping at the sign, it sets a much darker tone for the season. What’s interesting is how that is juxtaposed immediately afterwards with a shot of Alina observing a peaceful town with a smile on her face. However the peaceful image doesn’t last long as a flock of what I think are crows fly over the town. What’s interesting about this is that crows are said to be an omen of death due to how they would flock over battlefields, they are said to flock over places where people are expected to die soon. True to the myth right after these birds fly over,  the fold expands and swallows everything and everyone in its path. What is interesting is in this nightmare that Alina is having once inside the fold she cannot use her powers. I do think this is symbolic of how helpless she feels and how helpless she felt when Aleks expanded the fold into Novokribirsk. She then sees Aleks appear and begin to approach her while calling her name before she wakes up suddenly. *Obviously I do think this nightmare is connected to the mind palace/tether bond and the connection that exists between her and Aleks and she just hasn’t recognised that and thinks they are just dreams.* With her needing Mal to tell her that Aleks is dead repeatedly I do think that deep down she does know that he is still alive and she can feel that pull to him. She does eventually discover that the fold really is growing though and honestly I felt so sorry for her in that scene. The nightmares are scary enough it must have been terrifying to realise that its happening in real life too. It does make me wonder something though, is Aleks deliberately expanding the fold or has it grown out of his control and is just now growing by itself? 

The Crows 

Ok not going to lie I did find it low key hilarious when Jesper makes a joke about them arriving back in Ketterdam and no one was there waiting to kill them, yay, but then two minutes later they are all being held at gun point and wanted for murder. I did really enjoy the crows storyline this episode as it had quite a few call backs to the first ep of season 1 and we see a few characters that we haven’t seen since the beginning of season 1. I must admit I did laugh a bit when Dreesen makes his reappearance and the first word he says in ‘criminals’ I did love that call back. We also saw Pekka Rollins again and it seems he has been busy since the crows left, Tante Helene is apparently dead and the crows are wanted for her murder and Pekka Rollins now owns not just the crow club but the Menagerie as well and so by extension Inej. I did love how the moment Kaz realises that Rollins is a threat to Inej he tries to protect her by getting her out of dodge using the excuse that Alina needs her because he knows that is something Inej feels strongly about and would therefore more likely convince her to go. I also love that Inej doesn’t go for it and instead chooses to stand with Kaz and reassures him that she is not leaving him. I really liked her line about ‘what happens to the saints is fate, but what happens here is up to us’.

Going back to Dreesen, Kaz was back to being Kaz in that scene where Dreesen had him and Jesper captive and he just assesses the room and figures out that Dreesen wasn’t the real boss but Sturmhond was. *Book readers will know that Sturmhond is actually Nikolai Lantsov the prince of Ravka.* One thing I do love about Kaz is how he is able to assess a situation and with some quick thinking turn it in his favour. I also do think its interesting how they linked Sturmhond back to season 1 with having him being the one to hire Dreesen, making him a player the whole time, it is interesting to me that he was looking for Alina since the beginning. 

I haven’t read the six of crows books so the crows are very interesting to me as I know next to nothing about them outside of what we learnt in season 1. So I cannot tell you how shocked I was when its revealed that Jesper is grisha, a durast. The funny thing was when watching season 1 there’s a scene towards the end of the season when Inej talks to Kaz by the fireplace, she opens the conversation by telling him Jesper fixed his cane and I remember thinking how the hell did he do that? I did wonder if he was grisha but then dismissed it and told myself that was just silly and I was looking way too much into it. But then it turned out he actually is grisha and it was so cool to see him use his powers to change the coin into a key, I also love that Kaz just knew all along pretty much. 

Something else that intrigued me was what looked to be flashbacks of Kaz’s past. Honestly those flashbacks have me very worried they don’t look like a barrel of laughs. Also it did seem like they were triggered by touch, like every time that guy accidently brushed against Kaz’s leg he had a very visceral reaction and it almost seemed like it was triggering for him, like he had a near on panic attack. It was hard to make out the flashes because they happened so quickly but one looked like two kids sitting in the rain and the older one was coughing, I’m not sure which one is Kaz but did Kaz have a brother maybe? There was also a shot of Pekka Rollins asking ‘how are you feeling boy?’ there was also a shot of a boy with some kind of sickness like small pox or something and then another shot of that boy lying on what disturbingly looked like a pile of bodies. Now that I think about it the little boy was in more of the shots so it would make sense that he is younger Kaz, so maybe the older boy from the shot of two boys sitting in the rain is Kaz’s older brother? My theory is that Kaz and his brother were homeless and this lead to them getting sick, oh no please tell me Kaz’s brother doesn’t die from this disease? Was the sickness what lead to Kaz’s leg injury? It might explain why it was the touch to his leg that triggered these memories. But also how does Pekka Rollins fit into it all because he was in the flashbacks and it was clear in season 1 that Kaz had some history with Rollins but that Rollins doesn’t remember Kaz. Anyway I am very very worried about learning Kaz’s background because just from these small flashes I feel like I am not emotionally ready for what I am about to see. 

The crows also add a couple of people to their ranks this episode with Nina and Wylan. We also get an explanation as to where Kaz got that phosphorus flash bomb from that he used against Aleks in season 1, turns out it was Wylan who made it for him. Again I like that link back to season 1 and how they are tying these new characters in. I also thought the reaction the crows have to Nina really funny especially as Nina is so surprised they know her name, but again its that tie back to season 1 and the conductor and how that was a link between these characters who kind of have history even though they have never met before. Also as a brit I must admit I did enjoy Wylan’s line of offering everyone tea, the correct action in those circumstances if you ask me, I thoroughly approve. I am curious to see all the new dynamics between the crows and these two new members, it seems like Inej and Nina immediately liked each other and I could see them becoming fast friends. However whilst it seemed like Wylan seemed somewhat in awe of Jesper it didn’t seem like Jesper was all that impressed with Wylan despite wanting a demolitions man. Also have these guys met before because it seems like Wylan knew who Jesper was but Jesper didn’t seem to know Wylan? 

I am not sure how I feel about Kaz giving up Alina to Sturmhond and its clear that Jesper definitely didn’t feel good about it but at the same time Kaz did have a point about how Sturmhond already knew what ship they were on and that he would have been able to deduce where Alina went from there eventually and so they might as well get some of the money back. He did also attempt to send help to Alina later when he suggested Inej go find her, though I do think that was more for Inej’s benefit than Alina’s. I also do think that it was very in character for Kaz, he’s very calculating and at the end of the day he is always going to prioritize his crows over anything else. For him it was all about getting him and Jesper out of that situation and that just ranked higher on his list of priorities than keeping Alina’s confidence.  

Sturmhond, Tamar and Tolya 

Some other new characters we meet in this episode is Sturmhond, Tamar and Tolya. I think all three, despite not having a ton of screen time in this episode, got really good introductions. Tamar and Tolya both look very cool and badass and also very intimidating, they seem like characters I am going to like. I also loved Sturmhond’s introduction, again mentioned it before but I like that they tied his character to the story by making him Dreesen’s boss. I do wonder why he wants Alina, I am assuming as some kind of political chess piece but it seems like at the moment he believes she was working with Aleks, but he also seems really eager to find her. I do think its funny that in the end, after all that time searching for her and hiring Dreesen etc, Alina willingly puts herself on his ship, it reminded me so much of when she climbed into the crows carriage herself, what is it with Alina essentially unwittingly handing herself over to her own would be kidnappers? 

I did think that Sturmhond’s character was very charismatic and entertaining, I loved how he made the distinction that he was in fact a privateer and not a pirate. I am really looking forward to seeing more of these characters as the season goes on. 

Malina 

Ok so fair warning to fans of Malina who may be reading this, you may wish to skip over this part as I don’t talk very favourably about them. I wouldn’t say I hate on them necessarily but I’m sorry I just really don’t find them that interesting.

The thing is I will admit that show malina is alot more tolerable than they were in the books, but the truth is I just find their relationship to be a bit bland. Also I’m sorry but when they were attempting to flirt, god was it just me or was it really cringey, I don’t remember them being this cringey in season 1. The whole conversation about the warming stones for example, just it didn’t seem natural at all it just seemed forced, like hey they are talking about beds tee hee hee. Also not going to lie the mention of warming stones only made me think of darklina and their scene in episode 4 at the fountain when Aleks asks how Alina is adjusting to the LP and she replies she’s never had warming stones in her bed before. So that scene only reminded me that whilst warming stones in his bed might be a new thing for Mal its not new for Alina and for me it just highlights that difference between them and how their experiences don’t match anymore, its not something they will be experiencing together for the the first time. Also side note but did they retcon Mal’s lifelong dreams in this episode? Because I remember Alina saying in season 1 that she always dreamed of travelling but Mal always dreamed of settling on a farm somewhere. But then in this episode whilst talking about how they are now travelling Mal says that when he was in the trenches he used to imagine exploring the world because of Alina’s maps, essentially that he dreams of travelling too. But then Mal doesn’t exactly talk very favourably of their travels so far talking about how they haven’t eaten or slept, so I am getting mixed signals here.

 And then there’s the whole there’s only one bed scenario, that scene just seemed really awkward to me. To be fair to them I think it was supposed to have that awkwardness to it because its the first time they’d be sharing the bed and most scenes in films and tv shows that have that troupe have that slightly awkward feel to them but those scenes also usually have an underlying sexual tension to them and I just didn’t get that in this scene it just felt awkward. 

I don’t think that they have bad chemistry necessarily, I think their chemistry is fine, the problem is its just fine and it doesn’t hold a candle to darklina’s chemistry. Like the kiss scene on the bed, that moment should have been hot and sexy but instead it was kind of meh. Compared to darklina’s desk kiss it was like tepid soup whereas the darklina desk scene sizzled with passion and energy. I think the problem is malina have a very quiet kind of chemistry and if darklina wasn’t in the show then maybe the show could have gotten away with it but darklina do exist and because the chemistry and magnetism is so strong between them it just completely outshines malina. Like there is a moment in one of Alina’s ‘dreams’ where Aleks reaches for her face and she gasps at the contact, that one like millisecond moment had more sexual tension in it than all of malina’s scenes in this episode combined. 

I appreciate that everyone has different perspectives and ships and no disrespect to anyone who does ship malina but they just don’t do it for me, I just find them boring. Maybe they’ll get better as the season goes on, at the very least I hope they dial back on the cringe a bit, in season 1 I did think they were very cheesy, but cheese I could bear cringe on the other hand is a big no, no for me.   

Darklina

So there wasn’t loads of darklina content in this episode but I won’t lie I found the one scene we got really interesting. It was interesting that the space that they meet in during that ‘dream’ scene was the same tent where he put the collar on her. I do think that space has different significance to them both. For Alina its the place where she truly did feel betrayed and wronged by him. Where he took her power. This comes through when Aleks asks what she thinks this is and she says more veiled threats and empty promises. I really do think she is thinking back to the last time they were in that tent together and the threats he made towards mal and the promises he made that they could do anything together. For him I do think this place holds some feelings of regret, its a reminder of how he hurt her. But I think they are both pushing those more complicated feelings aside and are instead hiding behind their anger towards each other. 

I also think their costumes are interesting as they aren’t the same clothes they were wearing when they were last in that tent. Alina is in her blue kefta and her hair is the same as it was when the had that horse riding/fountain scene in ep 4. What’s interesting to me about that possible link back to that scene from episode 4 was it was a scene where they were being very vulnerable and open with each other so its interesting that when Alina appears before him here it is with the same look as that moment they shared previously. It could also be in connection to the fact that she rejects his colours in that episode. They have a conversation in this dream scene where Aleks says she thinks she knows who she is now. So her coming to him in the blue kefta and not a black one could be like an act of defiance on her part to say I am not like you, I am not going to wear your colour. Aleks meanwhile is in the black kefta from season 1 and is scarless, he has come there in his former image the one that doesn’t bear the marks of what happened in the fold in the season 1 finale, in a way its the version of him before he hurt and then lost Alina. 

I really loved their conversation about suffering and sacrifice, I thought it was very intriguing and raised alot of interesting questions. The whole you think you know yourself because you have suffered for a moment I do think is almost his way of warning her but it also pulls into focus that difference between Alina’s experience and Aleks’, yes Alina has suffered but so too has Aleks, only Alek’s suffering has spanned across hundreds of years. I also think he makes a good point that she won’t know the depths of her soul until that suffering becomes sacrifice. I do think Alina was being a little naive when she asked Aleks what he has sacrificed other than innocent lives. Don’t get me wrong its a good question one that does make you stop and consider what it is that Aleks has sacrificed. Luda, countless soldiers and friends, his freedom, his name, his pride, alina. But what I think is naive on Alina’s part is this believe she seems to have that you can win a war or a revolution without sacrificing innocent lives. It again highlights that difference in experience between the two, Aleks learned this lesson a long time ago, that sometimes you have to make the hard choices and that sometimes the cost of that is innocent lives. Alina has yet to realise that but the fact that they are having this conversation now tells me that at some point in this season, during her journey of becoming a leader she is going to learn this lesson. The most tragic part of war is the innocent lives that are lost, but sometimes to achieve the greater good you have to make sacrifices. 

I do think the fact that when Aleks asks are you willing to sacrifice that which is most precious to you and he reaches for her face it’s supposed to indicate that he himself did sacrifice what was most precious to him and that happened to be her. He did look somewhat meditative in that moment. I did think Alina’s reaction to him touching her was very interesting as she gasps as if she felt this surge of energy from him. I am very intrigued to see more of these dream like scenes between them. 

Grisha

I did like that we got to see Grisha from another country in this episode and to have that as a comparison of what life is like for the Ravkan grisha compared to other places in the world. Alina meeting the durast grisha in Noyvi Zem was a good example of how different life is for grisha in Noyvi Zem, there grisha all have one name which translates as ‘blessed’. I think this was a good interaction for Alina, to see someone viewing grisha powers as a blessing as again its a link back to season 1 when Alina very much saw it as a curse as opposed to a gift. But I also think it was important that the grisha voiced pity for the ravkan grisha because I think Alina has had a warped idea of the Grisha in Ravka, that they are privileged and like they don’t suffer. I am hoping that by seeing the way grisha are treated in other places around the world and seeing people have that pity for Ravka’s grisha it will help her realise that is not the case and it never has been.      

Speaking of Ravka’s grisha they are in a bit of a sorry state at the moment. The first army literally have them locked up in cages. There was that scene where the first army officer was making a speech and he talks about how they have sacrificed for the grisha and fought for the grisha. Here’s what bugs me about this whole speech, yeah sure maybe some of that is true but lets be real they were mostly fighting for themselves and on top of that the grisha have also fought, died and crossed the fold in aid of the first army so it was a two way street. Also what they are planning to do to these grisha is pretty messed up they have them locked in cages and the plan was just to leave them there in the path of the expanding fold as some kind of human sacrifice to the fold and its volcra. 

Honestly it might be mean of me, call me a terrible person, but I had very little sympathy for the first army soldiers when Aleks killed them. Yes I get the whole they were acting out of fear and desperation and I get that those can be powerful and corruptive forces but you still choose what you do with your fear, how you react to it and these first army soldiers decided to imprison and ultimately kill innocent grisha. Also if you are going to use the whole but they are being driven by their fear and desperation excuse for the first army’s actions then why can’t that also be used for Aleks because lets be real he is also acting out of fear and desperation, fear that his people will always be hunted and desperation to find them a safe place. 

I think this really shows when he says ‘so this again, locking us up in cages? I shall have to overthrow the king now.’ He has once again found himself back in the same situation he was in when Anastas was King and honestly I can understand his anger, it must be really hard to see this happen to his people again and his reaction to this being I must wipe out the first army and the King makes perfect sense for his character as last time it was the first army and the king that made his people suffer so horrifically, it makes sense that he would want to remove them from the chess board, so to speak, before they can imprison and kill too many of his grisha, I think this view is only made stronger because he took the more peaceful route in the past and not only did it not work but it cost him dearly, it again comes back to that idea of sacrifice and how much you are willing to risk and ultimately lose to achieve your goal, what lines are you willing to cross? Also I know I am being petty here and this is most likely influenced by the book reader side of me but I do think its funny how the first scene we see of Alina is her essentially running away and hiding, though to be fair they have made an improvement in the show by having her looking for the sea whip, especially as it does give her that agency she lacked in the books. The first time we see Aleks (outside of the dreamscape) its him saving grisha yet somehow Alina is the heroine and Aleks is the villain? Like I fully support Aleks killing those first army men as they were only going to do the same to the grisha, although I will admit he was a tad bit dramatic when he threw that head out of the fold. 

I do also want to talk about the nichevo’ya because omg do they look amazing. I love the aesthetic of them and the way that they move and the sound of them. I mean they really are very terrifying. Like 100% if I saw one of those things coming at me I would be running in the opposite direction.

Ok I think that is everything, I have come to the realisation that posting these reviews between episodes is going to make getting through the season a little longer but the bright side is taking the time to write the review lets me really mull over the episode and think about what I have watched. 

Bonus: Favourite Lines of the Episode 

‘Let’s all go back to Ketterdam. It’ll be fun. They said.’ 

‘He’s a very rich pirate.’ ‘Privateer actually. It’s an important distinction.’ 

‘You won’t truly understand the depths of your soul until that suffering leads you to sacrifice.’ 

‘I’m not leaving you, not now. What happens to saints is up to fate. What happens here is up to us.’ 

[ace-kaz-brekker]

I am curious about The Sharpest Lives because is it named after the MCR song??

IT SURE IS

The rundown is that all of the Crows are something supernatural (Kaz is a demon, Jesper is a werewolf, etc.) except for Wylan, who is resurrected by Nina after being used by JVE as a sacrifice to summon a demon. Complications relating to that leads to... some fun new powers >:)))) The first part is pretty gory, so you get maned wolf werewolf Jesper :))))

“Nina, please, he’s new. He doesn’t have to –” Whatever Matthias had been about to say was cut off by Nina thumping a shallow metal tub on the counter. Wylan could see that it was full of raw meat cut into cubes, and he wrinkled his nose at the smell. Nina grinned at him. “Jesper’s probably transformed by now, and he’s usually starving afterwards. You should watch out for your fingers, though. He gets pretty bitey.” Wylan stared at the tub for a moment, then picked it up by the handles. “Alright. I’ll do it.” Inej looked over at Nina briefly. “Wylan, you really don’t have to. Technically it’s Nina’s turn.” “No, I can do it,” Wylan responded, already walking towards Jesper’s room. “It’s the least I can do.” Although Wylan’s primary concern was making sure that Jesper was okay, he had to admit that he was curious. He hadn’t seen Jesper in wolf form yet, given that this had been the first full moon since he’d gotten there, so he wanted to at least try to get a glimpse when he could; even if he wasn’t able to see that, he’d get to see Jesper’s room, which he had also not seen yet. When he reached Jesper’s room, Wylan paused outside the closed door to listen. At first, he heard nothing, but after a moment he picked up the faint sound of a dog crying pitifully. “Jesper?” Wylan called, glancing down at the tub of meat in his hands before knocking on the door with his elbow. Almost instantly, the crying stopped. That was worrisome. “I’m opening the door, okay?” Carefully, he balanced the tub on one knee as he opened the door slowly. “I’m coming in.” Wylan’s attention was immediately captured by the mess of color that was apparently the bed, tucked into a corner of the room. It was just a mattress, sitting directly on the floor, covered by a red fitted sheet patterned with flowers. A pile of pillows, a quilt, and a few stuffed animals were pushed into the corner and up against the wall haphazardly. He wasn’t able to look around the rest of the room, however, because his attention was drawn to movement behind an armchair. Peeking around the armchair was the head of what looked to be an animal that was a cross between a wolf and a fox, rusty red fur giving way to black on the snout and white sticking out from the inside of surprisingly large ears. Wylan thought it was the cutest thing he’d ever seen.

[sophierequests]

'cause you loved her too much // never to touch and never to keep part two

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Pairing: Kaz Brekker x f!Reader

A/N: No one wanted it, but I still wrote it so here you go: Part 2 to my last Kaz fic, because I wanted to write some Hurt/Comfort and not let this end like my Glimpse of Us fic again.

You can find part one here!

Summary: Inej and Jesper are sick of Kaz acting like he doesn't care about the reader leaving, so they take matters into their own hands.

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

Word Count: 3.4K

Warnings: Feelings and an emotionally constipated Kaz Brekker

It wasn't unusual for the streets of Os Kervo to be crowded, but Sundays were always the worst. Merchants were yelling and praising their goods, while the masses of people ran their weekly errands. However, even with the constant chattering and noise, it still felt way more peaceful than anything you had ever experienced in Ketterdam.

This didn't stop you from missing your old home - your old friends. It had been almost two years since the last time you had set foot into the town that you once held so dear to your heart. You missed getting drinks with Jesper after a successful - or less successful - job. You missed Inej appearing out of nowhere just to say make you aware of her presence. You missed listening to Matthias ramble about whatever bothered him about Kaz today. You missed helping Wylan with his new projects, which would eventually end in disaster most of the time. You missed baking waffles with Nina, even though the kitchen always looked like a complete mess afterwards. And Saints be damned, you even missed Kaz.

But going back now wasn't an option. They wouldn't want you after disappearing without giving them the courtesy to leave a note. You couldn't even be sure whether Kaz had told them about what happened, so for all they knew, you just abandoned them for no apparent reason. But most importantly, Kaz didn't need you. He said it himself. So why should you even bother coming back?

The thoughts still clouded your mind as you unlocked the old creaky door to your parents’ house, struggling a bit to keep the contents inside your baskets from falling onto the floor. Immediately upon entering, the welcoming scent of freshly made tea and biscuits invaded your nose. You paused for a moment. It wasn’t even late noon? Your parents didn’t serve tea until the late afternoon. This did strike you as odd.

“Ma! Da! I’m back!” You called upstairs, setting the baskets down on the kitchen counter and shrugging off the thick woollen coat Nina had gifted you for your birthday a few years ago.

“Thank you, dear! Leave the shopping on the table, we’ll deal with it.” Your mother called from the top of the staircase, leading up to the cosy living room area that always painfully reminded you of the one at the Slat. “You should come upstairs, there’s someone here for you!” Someone was here to see you? You dreaded the thought of who it might be. Since coming back to Ravka, your parents were keen on setting you up with some of your former classmates, most of which you didn’t even recognize at first glance.

When you trudged up the stairs, suspicion and apprehension written all over your face, you were met with a sight you didn’t expect. Two people happily lounged on the couch opposite your parents. But they weren’t the people you had anticipated.

“They arrived at our door just minutes after you left. They said they are your friends?” Your father explained, drinking the last sip of his tea, whilst giving you a warm smile.

“You should have told us that you expected friends to visit! I barely had any biscuits left.”

“Oh, it’s fine Mrs Y/L/N. She couldn’t have known. It was more of a surprise trip. We apologize if we have caused any inconvenience.” The girl completely clad in black reassured, giving you an apologetic glance.

“It’s fine, don’t you worry, dear. I think we should leave you three alone now. You might want to catch up.” With that, your parents stood up and left the room, allowing you to take in the scene in front of you properly.

Before you could say anything, you were pulled into a tight hug that almost managed to cut off your air supply. Jesper had his arms wrapped around you firmly, and you couldn’t help but reciprocate his gesture. His clothes still smelled of gunpowder, whiskey and smoke, but you didn’t mind. You missed this.

After you finally pried yourself out of Jesper’s embrace, Inej was quick to do the same. She didn’t hug you as tightly, but you were just glad that she apparently didn’t hate you for leaving without any notice. Neither of them seemed to, for that matter.

“What are you doing here? No, wait, how did you find me?” You sputtered after sitting down, letting the realization settle in gradually. They were here. In your childhood home. Without you ever telling them where you lived. Something had to have happened.

“You used to send monthly letters to your parents.” Inej began, and you could already suspect where this was going. “We stole the archived postal protocols and figured out where your letters went. And now we’re here.”

“She did that.” Jesper corrected, earning an eye roll from the girl sitting next to him. “I had nothing to do with the actual illegal part.” As if that would matter, you chuckled in thought.

“Saints, Kaz has been a terrible influence on you.” You sighed, giving them a tired smile. You had missed them so much that them being here just seemed like the beginning of a joke leading up to a cruel punchline. “But seriously, what exactly are you doing here? You could have also just written me a letter.”

“We wanted to see if you’re ok-.” Inej started, only to be hastily cut off by Jesper.

“Kaz is driving us insane, and we need you.” He looked at her with a sorry look on his face, quickly trying to divert your attention off of what he just said. “We also missed you terribly and are mainly here to see whether you’re still alive, of course.”

“This feels way less sincere after knowing that you’re only here to get my help because Kaz is annoying you.” You retorted sarcastically, watching as they exchanged an uncomfortable glance with each other. As much as you wanted to make a joke out of the whole situation, it was painfully obvious that they had come here with an ulterior motive.

“Y/N, please, I know you really don’t want to hear this, but we need you.” She paused for a brief moment, cautiously observing your expression. “And you probably want to hear this even less, but Kaz needs you too.” You couldn’t help but let out a huffed breath. You wanted to believe this. You really did. But hope was a dangerous thing to hold onto.

“I think he made it pretty clear that he doesn’t.”

“Y/N,” Jesper started with an exhausted look on his face. “He told us what happened, and we don’t expect you to forgive him. But he does need you. We haven’t been on a proper job in forever, because he can’t focus on what he’s doing. He’s a mess! And we’re talking about Kaz Brekker here, so if he’s that much of a mess that we're starting to get concerned that has to mean something. He doesn’t even come down to the club with us anymore. He only sits in his office and sulks. We can’t go on like this anymore.”

“He misses you. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he regrets letting you go. We all know it.”

“What does he miss exactly? My contribution to the team? Me bringing him coffee? Or me keeping him company? All of these things can be done by someone else, Inej. He doesn’t miss me. He misses the things I did for him, not me. I’m tired of trying to get his attention, while he only sees me as some sort of accessory.”

“But he doesn’t want someone else. Even before you left, do you think that he would’ve tolerated anyone else in his office? He just doesn’t know how to express it.” Inej urged, putting a comforting hand on your thigh in an attempt to calm you down.

“Which is not surprising, at all. Kaz Brekker is the definition of emotionally constipated.” Jesper groaned, yelping over dramatically as Inej gave him a smack on the biceps.

“You have feelings for him.” You wanted to deny it, but she stopped you with a quick hand gesture. “And he wasn’t ready to admit it yet, but his feelings aren’t mainly platonic either.”

“I’d love to believe that, but I’m not sure if I can do that yet. I think I need a bit more time.” Jesper looked slightly defeated by your verdict, but Inej seemed to be a bit more hopeful.

“We can’t and won’t force you to do anything, Y/N. You have every right to be hesitant to see him again. All that I’m asking of you is, that you think about coming back to the Slat. That doesn’t have to happen now. You don’t have to come with us. But I think it would do both of you some good.”

“I won’t promise anything, but I’ll think about it.” You nodded slowly, smiling softly when you noticed Jesper’s victorious expression. “I have one question though. Does he know that you’re here?”

“Well…”

He did, in fact, not know that they were in Ravka, nevertheless that they were off to see you. He actually didn’t even know that they were gone. This did convince you that it was better for you to join them. At least they would have some sort of explanation for their two-week absence. Whether Kaz liked that reason, or not.

“Inej! Jesper! Thank the Saints that you’re back!” Nina called out happily as she saw the two carry themselves up the stairs. “Kaz has been giving us hell since you’ve been gon-” She wanted to continue talking, but upon seeing you enter the living room area, she couldn’t help the squeal of joy that left her mouth. “Y/N!” She stood up from her seat next to Matthias, hurrying over to embrace you. Wylan joined in on the hug, noticeably relieved to see you again. Everything felt right at that moment. Even though the worst was yet to come.

“You’ll have a lot of explaining to do, once he figures out that you’re back,” Wylan added anxiously before turning around to greet his boyfriend.

“Damn right you will.” Kaz’s voice sent chills through everyone’s bones. He was leaning against the door frame next to the staircase, visibly pissed. From where he was standing, he didn’t seem to be able to notice you, and maybe it was better that way. These weren’t necessarily what you would call good starting conditions. “Where have you been?”

“Ravka,” Inej answered truthfully, taking a step back towards the other entrance.

“What possessed you to disappear to Ravka for two weeks?” It was almost frightening how calm his voice sounded, whilst everyone in the room could see the anger simmering behind his poised demeanour.

“Aren’t they allowed to visit an old friend in a while?” You stepped a bit forward, just to make sure that he would now actually be able to see you. And when he did, his face dropped in an instant. He had expected everything. Everything but this. He had tried to tell himself that he had made his peace with you being gone. He never did, of course, but having you stand right in front of him again made him bitterly aware of how little he had actually processed.

“Kaz, we-” Jesper tried to defend himself, but before he could even finish that sentence, the man in question left for his office.

“He seems a little…tense.” Jesper joked, causing Wylan to give him a really passable imitation of Kaz’s death glare.

“It’s fine, I’ll go after him.” You groaned, not letting your friends get another word in before following him up the stairs. For a man relying that heavily on a cane, Kaz was surprisingly fast when he needed to be, so he shut the door to his office before you were even half-up the stairs.

At this point, you knew that it was futile to knock or announce your presence, and the adrenaline rushing through your veins didn’t grant you the decision of thinking this through.

“I didn’t say you could come in.” He said firmly as you pushed the door open. It didn’t surprise you that he was already busying himself with another heist plan.

“That’s because I didn’t ask.”

“Why did you come back?” His eyes shot up to meet yours, and for a split second, you thought that you saw something akin to hurt flash over his face. He really was miserable. “I suppose you were doing just fine wherever you spent the last two years.”

“One of us had to.” You retorted sarcastically, letting your eyes roam around his office a bit. Kaz had a very particular sense of organization, but even with that, he wouldn’t normally have allowed this kind of mess to build up in his room. His desk was completely cluttered, discarded plans, notes and more unreadable files were occupying most of the space he was so fixated on keeping clean before you left. What caught you even more off-guard was the book that laid on top of the side table next to the couch you used to spend your days on. It was the book you started reading before your fight two years ago - the page where you stopped reading was marked with a crumpled piece of paper, that you did not put there.

“What do you want from me?” What did you want from him? An apology? An explanation? You weren’t sure, but you wanted something.

“I don’t know, Kaz.” You sighed, letting yourself fall into the padded seat across from him. His eyes never left you as you crossed the room. “I really don’t know what I expected from coming here, but I want something. Whatever you can give me, as long as it’s constructive.”

He stared back at you without saying a word. A thousand thoughts seemed to rush through his mind as he was trying to process your words. He had imagined that you would’ve never wanted to see him again. That you would have despised every chance of any future interactions. But you were here. He had another choice. Or at least he could try to work towards getting another one.

“If you don’t want this, it’s fine. I just don’t want to be the person responsible for the Slat burning down at some point.”

“No, stay.” He answered a bit too quickly, but the words were already leaving his mouth, so he didn’t see any point in stifling them. “The others need you.” His Adam’s apple bopped as he collected every piece of courage he could find. “I need you.”

You couldn’t help but raise your eyebrows at his last comment, causing him to cringe ever so slightly. This was not that you had expected to hear so soon into the conversation - or ever, for that matter.

“I thought you didn’t need me?”

“So did I.” One of his bare hands flexed around the body of his fountain pen as he spoke, while his eyes were fixed on anything but your own. It was an odd thought, but you had never seen Kaz Brekker act this nervous. “I don’t particularly enjoy people pitying me. Not even you. It drove me mad that you, out of all people, felt the need to look at me like I was some bird with a broken wing in need of fixing.”

“Kaz, have you ever considered that I don’t pity you? I do hate watching you struggle. But that’s not because I look down on you or see you as someone weak.” At this point, you were glad that Nina wasn’t around. If she had any idea how fast your heart was beating right now, she would have never let you live this down. “Maybe it’s because I genuinely care about you?”

“Why?”

“Why what? Why do I care about you?” Saints, you knew that Kaz had a wild array of issues, but him having self-image issues seemed to be so incredibly unrealistic, that it was almost comical. “It’s incredibly sad that you feel you have to ask that, Kaz.”

“I don’t necessarily give people that much of a chance to care about me.”

“You may have not realized it, but you have given me more than enough chances to care about you. You’re far from being an earnest righteous man, but you’re just as far away from being an awful one. Do you really think that I would have stayed in your office for hours on end if I hadn’t enjoyed your company? I never knew whether you felt the same, but I didn’t feel like asking would have been fruitful.” You couldn’t remember the last time you had seen Kaz Brekker - the Bastard of the Barrel - look this confused. He looked as if someone had just told him that Matthias grew a pair of wings and flew out of the Slat.

“Your presence overwhelms me, but I grew sick of your absence just as much.” He closed his eyes, savouring the words that just rolled off his tongue without him even having to think about it.

“And what does that make us?” You leaned forward, just enough to be slightly bent over his desk. You knew that he was probably able to feel your faint breath on his skin by now. You knew that your hands were only a few inches away from his exposed ones. You knew that this was already testing the waters. But you also knew that you wanted - needed closure.

“It’s most likely to make both of us fools.”

“And would that be too bad? Being fools together?”

“Only if that is what you would also want.”

“Also? So this is what you want?” You inquired, feeling the corners of your mouth quirk up a bit.

“It doesn’t sound like the worst possible thing to happen.” The faint ghost of a smile flew over his face and for a moment you couldn’t even imagine how you managed to survive the last two years without him.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He mirrored your current position, torso slightly bent over his desk, one hand only a few inches away from yours. And much to your shock, he reached out to take yours. His bare hand was on yours. Without talking about it first how you practised with him before you left. The touch only lasted mere seconds before he gave you a gentle squeeze, and pulled away again.

“Does that mean that you’re staying?” He asked, watching a wide grin form on your lips.

“It doesn’t sound like the worst possible thing to do.”

“Do you think they are alright?” Wylan inquired quizzically as he stared up at the ceiling that separated the living room area from Kaz’s office.

“Emotionally or physically?” Jesper snorted, however, also having quite an unnerved look on his face.

“Have they ever been alright emotionally?” Matthias groaned, completely done with all the tension that had built up over the last few hours.

“The fact that they haven’t yelled at each other at all since they’ve been up there makes me a bit uncomfortable,” Nina added, fiddling with the binds of her dress nervously.

“At least that also means that they haven’t killed each other yet, so I’ll take that as a win,” Inej murmured, earning amused glances from the other Crows.

“Wait, guys! I think I can hear somebody coming down the stairs!” Jesper whisper-screamed as he heard the wooden stairs creak underneath the impact of feet coming downstairs.

“I can’t believe that I left you alone for two years.” You chuckled, carrying a stack of old heist plans as you entered the room. Kaz wasn’t far behind you, trying his best to stifle an honest smile. “How did you even manage to survive without me? These plans are over one year old! Why didn’t you throw them away?”

“What if I’d ever come to need them again?” Kaz argued playfully.

“What if I throw this pile of useless paper down the stairs with you following right after it?”

“Good argument.” Both of you crossed the room quickly, barely acknowledging the other Crows that had basically been buzzing with anticipation.

“Are they, like, friends again?” Wylan whispered after your footsteps disappeared again.

“I think they have just become something way worse than that. At least for my mental stability.” Matthias let his head fall back in defeat.

Taglist:

Grishaverse fics in general: @yesshewrites1 @dal-light

Kaz Brekker: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @juneberrie @writingmysanity @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @brekkers-desigirl @fall-writes

[iheardarumorthings]

Not Mine

Masterlist

“He’s not mine,” you hiccuped, downing yet another shot. “He told me. He told me that he was all mine, but no. He lied- lies? I don’t know anymore.”

You were bitter. You saw him with Inej.

The woman across from you gave you a look, but was happy at the business she was getting. The look wasn’t one of judgement, it was just… empathy, understanding.

“I should’ve known. He has a grand plan, he always does. He just used me to get Inej to realize that she was in love with him, too. Not that Inej is at fault for having him after I… Well, that doesn’t matter. It’s all his fault. And mine, too, I suppose for not being enough for the great Bastard of the Barrel.”

“Darlin’ you just got’ta let it go, kay? Dirtyhands isn’t like other men. He’s more…”

“I know what he is.”

TWO YEARS LATER

Another rib, you thought, holding your side, limping down the streets of familiar Ketterdam.

You wanted to leave.

You wanted to see him; your boss, your doctor, dear Oliver. But he was in Ravka, and while you were busy attempting to… complete a job, you were captured and brought to Ketterdam. They intended to get information out of you about the organization you were a part of.

Faithfully. You wouldn’t have given it to them if they had severed each of your toes. Or if they had tortured you for a year straight.

You’d already been through that.

You needed a place to stay, a hotel, anything. You probably wouldn’t make it at the Dregs, what with your broken body and all. Or with Kaz. That would be awkward.

Kaz. To believe that it was two years ago that he had let them steal you away, let them kill you over Inej. What had been worse was his look just before, the stare at you. The cold, blank stare that he’d given his enemies. “Take her.”

That was all he’d said. No last goodbyes, no nothing. He couldn’t even spare you a glance afterward, rushing to Inej and taking care of the bruises forming on her slender wrists.

Was that the first blow? No. But it was the final one, and the one that had hurt the absolute most. The apathy that you knew he had felt for your being, the life that was about to be taken from you. 

Snuffed out of you, most likely.

And they did. They did snuff it out of you, slowly, painfully, and surely. 

And Kaz did nothing to stop it; he didn’t try and find you, even to just get his right hand back. He left you for dead.

~*~ Once again, he heard it. Your voice. He saw the look you gave him that day, the one where he immediately knew he made the wrong decision. His (Y/N).

(Y/N). Poor, sweet, darling (Y/N). Taken from him brutally, at no one’s fault but his. All his fault.

He downed another shot.

“Hey, Kaz,” Jesper came up, tapping a hand on the counter, announcing his presence. “Uh- is this a good time?”

“Get on with it, Jesper.”

“So, I was walking, right? And then I saw this person, you keeping up?”

Kaz shot him a look.

“And they were hurt. Very hurt, okay?”

“You didn’t take in another goat, did you, Jesper?”

“Uh, no, but if you would just give me that spare closet, I could make that happen-”

“Spit it out, Jesper.”

“They looked like (Y/N). Very much like them. Uncannily so, except they were… they didn’t look too good disregarding the injury.”

Kaz froze. Hope, treacherous hope filled his chest. Hope he couldn’t bear to have. Hope he needed to have confirmed before he could reach his next step of wishing; wishing for you, for a life with you.

A life where you could be together, just as it always should have been. 

“I want the Spider after them; I want them located now, and I need word once they are found.”

He stopped drinking after that, now only focusing on the door, and letting himself dream of the moment his new spider walked in.

Tag List:

@ilovemarvelanne1 (thank you for being my first requester and basically the reason for this series); @hufflesight (thank you for being so supportive this entire time);

[readerinpassing]

Alina is Fucked. Part Two of the why-Alina-Starkov-going-to-Ketterdam-at-the-end-of-season-one-is-incredibly-stupid meta masterpost I promised @kasamira (2/3)

Alina is fucked.

She is in Ketterdam, land of money and slavery.

8) Alina doesn’t have any money. She doesn’t have access to Ravkan State funds. She presumably doesn’t have access to Second Army funds either. She has maybe her savings from being a junior cartographer, if she manages to find a bank teller that will believe her when she says “I’m Alina Starkov, promise!” (I assume that when Aleksander played dress up with her, he did not give her pockets to stick her identification papers in.) Ketterdam lives and dies by the coin. She doesn’t have the money to pay for any of these people to even think about leaving, much less the funds to hire, mobilize, and feed the army that she thinks she will need.

a. btw, how are Mal and Alina going to feed themselves when they goes on this recruitment trip? Do they have any Kruge? Are they going to rely on Kaz’s generosity? Lol, Kaz is going to make them do dishes unless Inej nags him not to.

9) Alina is a grisha. Ketterdam is canonically established to have a thriving grisha trafficking industry. The Crows were literally hired to kidnap her and sell her into slavery (which, did they ever get around to telling Alina that? Does Alina even know why these random people are in Ravka?) She can not tell anyone that she is the sun summoner, or she will be summarily enslaved and placed under indenture.

Which brings us to our next problem.

10) How is she going to get a meeting with anyone important? If she goes around as a nobody, no one is going to give a shit about her. If she goes around as the sun summoner, she’s going to be enslaved.

But say for some reason, she isn’t immediately indentured the minute someone sees her sparkly hands.

11) What exactly is her sales pitch? 

My name is Alina Starkov, and I am the Sun Summoner! No really, I am, see! That’s my sunlight, no slight of hands here! I need allies to liberate East Ravka from the Apparat! Money? Um, do you take IOUs? The Ravkan treasury probably has money, and the Grand Palace is super gaudy, why don’t you take some of those gems? But don’t take too much, we’re going to need that money to keep fighting the wars and rebuild afterwards. Oh, The Darkling? He’s dead, I killed him. Oh and if you can leave afterwards when we’re all set up, and ready to stand on our own two feet again, that would be lit!

a) No matter which way you cut it, Alina is inviting a foreign power to invade her country when it is already in the middle of a two front war. Presumably, she will also need to tell her prospective allies that the Darkling is dead, because if Ravka hasn’t been invaded by other countries even in the middle of this two front war, it’s probably not because of the technologically outdated First Army (which is a whole nother kettle of nonsense).

b) telling other countries that you killed your country’s greatest military asset, simultaneously decapitating the other greatest military asset, the Second Army? Way to go Alina, you’re definitely going to sound like someone to take seriously. Also definitely not a bad idea to tell a non-aligned, possibly hostile foreign power that your country is uber-vulnerable. Seriously, other countries would think that this girl is an idiot.

c) This also isn’t counting the fact that the Darkling *isn’t dead* and news of his reappearance would probably reach Ketterdam shortly after Alina starts making the rounds, making her sales pitch that much worse, make sane people want to jump shit, and making her look like a liar or delusional, if she didn’t look delusional already.

12) So…does she think that they’re going to leave quietly? Realistically, the aftermath is that the ‘allies’ from Kerch loot, pillage, and burn everything, and negotiate over the corpse of Ravka with Fjerda and Shu Han, probably imprisoning everyone in the Second Army that they can get their hands on. Because why wouldn’t they? It’s the most strategic thing to do.

Good plan Alina. Good fucking plan.

To be continued in Part 3: Nikolai Exists. It’s still a stupid idea. Part Three of the why-Alina-Starkov-going-to-Ketterdam-at-the-end-of-season-one-is-incredibly-stupid meta masterpost I promised.   (this one isn’t written yet, I’ll do that at some point)

[meher-sumedha]

Kanej and Wesper Child - Actually teenagers now.

After Inej gave birth, she stayed at Ketterdam for five years, to look after Meher. Meher loved her mom very much and it was very hard to make her let go of Inej's leg at the port when she was going to leave her for the first time. Meher's full name was, Meher Ghafa Brekker

Inej didn't want to take Meher with her, in case anything went wrong with the ship. She also didn't want to expose Meher to the wrongdoings of the world. She would try her best to never expose her to them.

But Inej had promised to come back every month, for a week and she kept on that promise. After a few months when Meher observed that her mom would always come back, the "process" At the dock became a little bit easier.

Inej used to write letters. Every night, after a long hard day at imprisoning slavers. Even if she was wounded, she would always write a letter about her journey. About what she did. But she didn't give them to Meher, no. She gave them to Kaz for storing them. So that if anything ever went wrong, he would pass on those letters to Meher. So that she'd remember her mother.

As much as Kaz denied it, he secretly read all the letters Inej gave him. Inej knew it but she never pressed the matter. After the week in which Inej stayed at Ketterdam. He would read those letters, as they were a lifeline for him.

The first month without letters was the worst. He couldn't eat, drink or sleep. He just kept working. But then Inej came back with those letters and they were his rescuers. She used to come in the last week of the month, so that for the next three weeks, Kaz would have enough letters.

Kaz was great with Meher, but so was Inej. Inej was competitive, she wanted to be perfect at everything. She wanted to compensate for the days she was absent in that one week, for Meher. Kaz used to teach Meher problem solving and maths. Inej taught her physical combat and aiming (she had a gift for aiming knives, which she probably got from her mother.)

Jesper used to teach her shooting, Wylan taught her music and Nina taught her the 101 ways of hurting a man, without even touching him.

Of course, she also taught her self defense in the weeks Inej wasn't there and secretly, she taught her the art of flirting.(this started when she was 13, when Nina and Meher were strolling through the streets of Ketterdam and Meher told Nina to get her some waffles. When Nina was coming back she overheard her conversation with a 15 year old guy. She overheard that Meher had been doing his work since 2 weeks and that he was asking for more help.

Nina realized that Meher was 13 and no one had told her about flirting. So Nina took it upon herself, to teach her about the art of flirting, and how to never get fooled by it. How to differentiate the situation in which a person is exploiting her, and when a person who genuinely likes her.)

After that, no boy messed with Meher. As afterwards she had actually jumped the boy in an ally and beaten him up, along with his friends. She was bruised and was bleeding, thankfully Lucas had seen her and taken her home. (Did I forget to mention who he was? Shit. I'll do that rn)

Lucas was the adopted son of Jesper and Wylan. He was the same age as Meher. One night Jesper had suggested that they too adopt a kid.

Wylan had been thinking about it for 2 years now. He never spoke up because everything was going so well. He literally squealed around the room like a child for 15 minutes before finally calming down. As much as Jesper called him annoying, there was no hiding that he loved when Wylan acted childish.

Before adopting a child, Wylan had baked a cake and hidden the wedding ring in it. The cake looked like shit, but Jesper ate it nonetheless. It was his birthday and everyone was there at the mansion. The ring was in the cake.

When Jesper took a bite of the cake, he didn't see the ring and it actually chipped one of his teeth. Wylan never lived that down. But he said yes, cause it was a messy situation.

"OW! Jesper shouted when he felt a part of his tooth break. When he took that thing out of his mouth it was a ring, "What's this? Friendship ring?" He smirked and asked Wylan. He wanted him to ask the words, and also because he saw the way his cheeks redden at his words.

"Do we really have to do this?" Wylan asked whispering and shouting. Jesper smirked and Wylan already knew he had to ask. "Jesper Llwellyn Fahey, will you marry me?" He asked, in a low voice. "What now?" Jesper said and Wylan reddened even more. "Will you marry me?" Wylan asked again.

"Stop troubling the guy jes and say yes already" Inej said, even she was excited. But Jesper had something else planned in mind. He would not spend his last seconds as a single person without embarrassing Wylan. So, he went up to Kaz and said, "Kaz Brekker, do I have the permission to marry your son, Wylan Brekker Eck?"

As soon as he said the words, Inej and Nina burst out laughing. Jesper continued, "I promise to keep him happy and I would never break his heart-", "Just say yes to the poor guy already Jesper" Kaz cut him off, sensing Wylan's panic.

Jesper finally went up to Wylan and wrapped his arms around his neck, he could sense Wylan was panicking, but this was how he had always imagined their proposal to be. He then took Wylan's face in his hands and kissed him. When he broke the kiss, Wylan's eyes that were filled with worry, filled up with joy when he said, "Yes".

Even though they got some "looks" At the orphanage, they decided to adopt a boy named Lucas. They couldn't place it, but they felt a connection with the boy and wanted to adopt him immediately.

Meher was a troublemaker when she came in her teenage years and had been imprisoned overnight and Lucas was the one who bailed her out, with the money from his allowances.

[heaven-in-a-wild-flower]

Crows Headcanon: In Lockdown

Read this and more Crows headcanons on ao3 using this link

Chapter 1 (the chapters aren't related and do not continue the story, each can be read separately)

Kaz

Kaz yearns to vanquish the last of his enemies, to admire the bright red of their blood. He feels an ache in him that can only be sated by the sight of beautiful stolen kruge. He fantasises of the glorious feeling of having bested another. He shivers with desire when he thinks of all the fear he could be eliciting in people.

In other words, he's bored. What is a crime lord to do if no crimes can be done? (There is the option of ignoring lockdown and venturing out, but he's not stupid enough to risk getting a virus). He wakes up each morning and trudges to the rooftop because he wants to get some fresh air and some quiet (not because that seems to be Inej's favourite spot). He stays there for an hour or so, memorising various details of the city below (not Inej's smile. She loves sunsets and smiles softly at them). He's always incredibly calm after this exercise. It must be because of all the fresh air.

Then he has to go down and deal with the rest of his Crows, some of whom cannot stop talking at him (Jesper, of course). They all eat breakfast together at the table and chatter all through it. He misses being able to scare people away with just a glance and regale them with their secrets, just to watch them quake. The Crows giggle, how dare they, when he tries it on them. They aren't scared of him anymore and he hates it (loves it).

He then locks himself in his room and spends many hours plotting all the schemes he'll enact after the lockdown is lifted. Oh, the people of Ketterdam won't know what hit them. Someone keeps knocking and leaving food outside so eats that for lunch. He hasn't yet figured out who it might be. They're always gone no matter how fast he goes for the door. But no matter, he'll figure it out, he is Kaz Brekker after all, secrets bow to him.

In the evening they all sit down for a round of cards (sometimes even he falls prey to Jesper's charm). Kaz simultaneously trains them.

"What's the easiest way to temporarily blind someone?" he asks (This is more for personal entertainment than true training because he loves to rile Matthias up).

"Dirt in their face?" Inej asks.

"Bright light to the eye?" Jesper says.

"Tighten a blood vessel?" Nina suggests.

"Spit in their eyes?" Wylan adds. (Kaz will never say it, but he is so proud)

"You're all horrible," Matthias responds predictably, yet everyone hears him mutter, "Smoke bomb is best."

He goes to bed somewhat relaxed, an effect of not having to worry about being attacked in your sleep (or robbed, for that matter).

He'll never admit it to anyone, not even if you threaten to rob all his kruge but, maybe this lockdown situation with all his Crows is tolerable.

Inej

Inej misses the freedom. The freedom of being able to climb and slide and jump her way through any part of the city. Being trapped inside due to the lockdown causes a bit of anxiety in her. It does help to at least be able to see the entire city spread out before her like her very own feast and so she'll spend most of her morning on the roof, bottling up the feeling to last her through the day. She loves the sunset, but every time Kaz joins her at the roof, sneaking what he thinks are subtle glances at her, she can't stop smiling (a small gentle smile, but a smile nonetheless).

In the afternoon she, Nina and Jesper will try to cook. She laughs the most with them, her stomach aching in the best way afterwards. She loves them and endures their high energy goofy selves with equal parts fondness and amusement. The food isn't always the best, but the company is so good that she forgets the taste of it (most of the time, sometimes she has to yell at Jesper not to keep burning the food just to finish a good joke).

In the evenings, she'll sometimes practice some of her acrobatics wherever she can. She secretly gets thrilled by slightly scaring Jesper whenever he walks into a room and suddenly finds her dangling from somewhere. Sometimes when she feels anxious and desperately needs to be calmed, she'll ask Wylan to play his flute and fall asleep curled up wherever she is (Jesper loves taking pictures of her asleep in weird places and Kaz makes sure she always has a blanket on her but only when no one is looking).

Some nights she'll make some of her comfort food and Kaz will lean against the counter, claiming that he's helping (his presence helps her, always, even though he does not do any of the cooking). His absolute silence calms her, it feels both comforting and understanding and she loves the weight of his gaze on her, anchoring her. And every time she asks him to hand her something, their fingers brush and warmth bursts through her body. She loves these quiet nights they have, the way they are both magnetic to the other. She'll smile at him and he'll freeze and he'll move a bit closer to her and she'll tingle with awareness.

Jesper

Jesper, as we know, is a raging extrovert. He’s almost dying staying inside all day. He wakes up in the morning and gets dragged back in by Wylan who won't let him leave before he gives him a good cuddle in the morning. He indulges him, of course. He loves it. He didn't know that being wanted, being loved could feel like this. When he's eventually awake, he'll go chat up Matthias who also gets up pretty early to do his workout (although chat at is more accurate, considering that Matthias barely responds). He has taken to calling Matthias 'Matty' and Matthias loathes it (which means that Jesper does it all the time, of course).

Later, after Nina, Jesper and Inej manage to make lunch, he takes some up to Kaz. He leaves it outside his room and once he's in another room, he pushes any small metal object towards the door to make the knocks (because what use is it being Grisha if you don't use it for friendly pranks?). He hangs out with Nina in the afternoons sometimes and they discuss their favourite shows and characters. Those two will go on for hours without realising it and sometimes they won't even realise that they're being very loud (because that's what passionate fangirling/fanboying is like). As the fashion icons of the group, they also often do online shopping together. Sometimes he'll go from room to room (excluding Kaz's, not because it's locked but because it's, well, Kaz's) talking to everyone and trying to join whatever they're doing and he'll end up annoying everyone in one fell swoop, earning many comments along the lines of, "Wylan, what do you see in him?" Wylan would stroke his chin in thought and respond, "Hmm, you know what, now that you bring it up..." After this, Jesper will attack him with kisses all over his face and giggling, Wylan will forget whatever he was about to say.

Evenings are his favourite though, card time! The Crows refuse to bet kruge because they don't want to fuel his gambling addiction so they'll bet on random things. Losing one of the bets, Jesper had to take shots of Tabasco sauce alternating with shots of milk while singing Hot N Cold by Katy Perry (this was a Wylan dare, he is terrifyingly good at setting dares). The best one was when Kaz lost and had to dance to Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae) by Silentó while following the exact dance steps (this was a Nina dare. She was laughing so hard tears were rolling down her cheeks. Jesper tried to record it, but Kaz knocked the phone out of his hands using his cane.)

In the nights, Jesper watches Wylan write some of his own songs (a hobby he has picked up recently). He simply can't look away, Wylan's face scrunched up in concentration is too captivating.

"Stop staring," Wylan will complain sometimes, blushing and blushing, "I can't focus!"

Jesper will brush his hand through his curls, kiss his head and respond, "I can't help it, maybe I just like your stupid face."

"I'll dare you to do something truly horrifying tomorrow," Wylan threatens with the sweetest smile on his face and Jesper immediately backs off. He loves this side of Wylan, the side only the Crows get to see. The side who isn't quiet and innocent, who isn't afraid to speak his mind, to assert his place. He gives him one long kiss on the lips, leaving both of them just a little bit dazed and goes to sleep. He falls asleep immediately, all his energy drained and the pillow smelling wonderfully like Wylan.

Wylan

Wylan loves waking up with his boyfriend right next to him, even if he grumbles and refuses to get off the bed as early as Jesper does. His laziness certainly pays off, he gets breakfast in bed so many times! When he does wake up, he'll be groggy for the entirety of the morning (Jesper calls him 'Zombie Boy' in the mornings and if he were more awake, Wylan would probably object to this, but since he isn't, he just grumbles and focuses on not falling face first into his food). He only truly wakes up at lunchtime. He loves making little desserts to surprise the Crows. All their pleased reactions make him blush and grin at once.

He sometimes pulls Jesper onto the couch with him to watch a movie (because he loves spending time with him, not because the rest of the Crows have been begging him to distract Jesper, okay, maybe both are true). Shockingly, Jesper does not like action movies, Wylan found this out the hard way when he put on an action movie the first time and Jesper fell asleep not even halfway through it. Jesper actually likes... romcoms. Wylan loves how Jesper cries and laughs simultaneously, clutching Wylan's shirt and burying his face in it during the sad parts and jerking back up to laugh at the jokes or repeat the dialogues with the characters. Wylan loves being needed like this. He never knew he'd enjoy giving comfort as much as he loves receiving it.

Sometimes it scares him how much he loves the Crows. He hasn't ever known family that didn't hurt him, that liked him as is, no modifications needed. To help deal with this deluge of feelings without getting overwhelmed, he writes music. He pours all of his feelings into his flute and when they come out of it, they are sweet and painful, loud and whispery, sharp and smooth. He doesn't think all the Crows understand this but, it is enough to see a passing smile when they hear it and it is enough for him to get those feelings out there. And the peace he gives Inej when she falls asleep to his music makes him think she understands (she does).

He enjoys torturing the others during card time in the evenings (he absolutely preens when he sees Kaz's approving nod). He'll never tell anyone, but he finds some of his most outrageous dares on Reddit (Kaz knows this, and is even prouder of him at the deception).

He also sometimes lets Nina style his hair. She enjoys it and he does too. He loves the feeling of her hands moving gently through his curls. Closing his eyes, he allows himself to imagine that it's his mother. If he shudders or lets loose a few tears, he pretends it was the cold or the pain from having his hair tugged at. Nina lets him pretend, she understands wanting maternal affection, she's an orphan herself. She thinks having it and then having it taken away due to situations like these is harder than never having had it at all.

He goes to sleep slowly, curling up like a cat and watching Jesper's face in the restfulness of sleep. Oh, how lucky he is.

Nina

Nina has mixed feelings about the lockdown because she's an ambivert. She misses meeting people, but is also really happy and comfortable just staying in and hanging out with the other Crows.

She wakes up in the morning, not too early and not too late, but obviously later than Matthias because who even wakes up that early? Anyway, she stretches and lounges in bed for a while, enjoying the warmth. When she wakes up, Matthias is usually about to go for a shower (so he's sweaty, very very sweaty). He tries to hug her, but she dodges. "No, no! Take a shower first!" He grins and grabs her again (Is this really what all his Fierdan training is meant for? He thinks so, yes). Even though she doesn't quite enjoy the feeling of sweat-slicked arms around her, she loves this side of Matthias. This playful, childish side that only she gets to see. Every time it pops up, she feels proud, honoured even that he trusts her enough to be himself with her. It makes her heart warm.

After all the breakfast shenanigans, she goes into a room and picks up her knitting supplies. She's picked up this hobby in the lockdown to kill time, but now she's actually quite enjoying it. She makes socks and scarfs and sweaters and beanies, all with bright colours and cosily mismatched. She then gifts it to the others. She knows that they don't like it and that is why she pretends that they are genuine gifts. They wear it and she loves how they look it in. It makes her crack up so many times (she also loves them for it).

Wylan lands up with a pink and yellow coloured beanie that is about two times too big for his head. It keeps falling into his eyes and making him look like a little poisonous mushroom. Jesper gets a giant rainbow scarf that he loves. He wears it all the time and makes sure to hit as many people with the ends of it as he rewraps it around his neck over and over again. Inej gets a bright blue sweater with green and orange polka dots that she drowns in. Nina knows that Inej likes the way it covers her hands and keeps them warm. Kaz gets purple and black striped socks that he claims he never wears, yet she sometimes sees them in the wash. Matthias is so aggressively supportive of her that he wears all her creations at once, a beanie, a sweater, two scarves and a pair of socks. He's like a human furnace and she loves to cuddle him in them (she also suspects that he loves this too and this is the real reason he does it, but she, of course, doesn't mind).

She loves using her dares in the evening to embarrass Kaz because that is her true purpose in life, she is simply superb at it. And the glares she gets in return fuel her very soul (and if it makes Inej smile, then that's just an extra benefit).

She sometimes has girl-time with Inej, where they paint each other's nails and talk about Kaz or sometimes they talk about nothing at all. They play music and simply enjoy each other's company.

She and Matthias go to bed cuddling, his warmth wrapped all around her, or her warmth enveloping him. She didn't know a pair of arms could feel this wonderful, but she knows that it wouldn't work with just any pair of arms. Only his, always his.

Matthias

Matthias enjoys the lockdown time. He likes all the extra time, which he fills up with all sorts of activities he's always wanted to try. He also feels anxious if he's being unproductive so it's a win-win. He wakes up early. The waking up part is easier than leaving the circle of Nina's arms, but he manages somehow. He works out, ignoring Jesper and that accursed name (Matty).

Later, he moves on to his current hobby, woodworking. He's working on an extra cupboard so that Nina has space for all her clothes (she keeps buying more because she's bored and online shopping kills time, but Matthias blames it entirely on Jesper). Everybody is a bit jealous of how productive he is during the lockdown, but they also love it because of the gifts they get from it.

Matthias made Kaz a new cane with more modifications and a better grip and took Nina's help to make sure that it matched his "aesthetic" (he's still a bit unsure what that means, but by the way Kaz's eyes widened, he knows Kaz liked it, so that's enough for him). He made Inej some new scabbards and the way she held his gaze and thanked him for it sincerely touched him (this is why Inej gets the most gifts, comparable only to how many Nina gets). Wylan got a dartboard with Jan Van Eck's face on it that he loves (It was supposed to be a bit of a joke gift, but Wylan is now a master of darts and enjoys it quite a bit, so there's that). Jesper got a holster that Nina insisted on bedazzling and when they gave it to him, his whole body stilled and tears filled his eyes. He leapt at them which Matthias nearly took for an attack before he hugged them (Matthias still thinks of this as a different type of attack, but he supposes that it is tolerable) (Jesper now tries to hug him all the time).

The part he enjoys most is relaxing with Nina. When they're cuddling he feels the warmth seep through his skin all the way to his heart. When he asked Nina if she was doing something to his heart with her Heartrender powers, she laughed and laughed and laughed. That made his heart thud louder and louder, making him believe that she really was doing something to it. All the cuddling reminds him of the first time they did it, huddling together in Fierda to conserve warmth. He doesn't know how it happened, but somehow he has her now and it is everything.

(Comment what you think about this, it would mean the world to me! <3)

Next chapter

Let me know if anyone wants to be added to the tag list.

[stressedoutteenager]

with all the new info we got about the netflix adaption of the grishaverse, I felt more motivated to write something and recently wrote something about Kaz realizing - because Inej explains to him - that he should show more appreciation towards his friends, particularly Jesper

If you want to read on AO3: here’s the link 

Say Thank You

“Would it kill you to say thank you for once, to let him know he’s appreciated?”, Inej says as soon as the door to Kaz’s office falls shut.

She hears Kaz wince quietly while she rummages through his desk drawers for anything that would help her clean his wounds. She’s been back from her latest voyage for almost a week. It had been a successful one and coming back to Ketterdam, she felt proud and accomplished.

Kaz could tell as soon as he saw her. She was glowing.

Several days passed peacefully, while she got to reconnect with her friends. They did all send letters but as correspondence is not regular when one is on the seas and at different coasts each day, catching up in person is much more fun and rewarding. Several peaceful days had passed, indeed, until somebody tried to break into Wylan and Jesper’s home.  It is common knowledge that their home is constantly under security. And most people know not to mess with Dirty Hands, the Barrel Boss, and his associates. Some might even say his friends. Yet, somebody was stupid enough to do so. Maybe, stupid. Maybe, reckless. Maybe, brave.

Luckly, the intruders seemed to be only there to gather intel. They got scared off by Kaz and Inej arriving at their friends’ house. Instantly, the couple inside, that had not noticed anything going on outside, was interrogated about possible enemies. It could have been someone trying to break in to steal from their big fortune, but that thought was dismissed quickly. Doing that would be stupid and nothing else. However, this attempted break-in seemed to be only the start of it. Threats kept coming; break-ins at the Crow Club, vandalism at the Slat, cheating and brawls while gambling.

Kaz didn’t want his friends to be involved again, not after they left the Dregs behind - for the most part. Wylan is still in contact with Kaz for business and Jesper supports Kaz’s businesses in various ways when he can. But, they don’t interfere with the Dregs’ dirty business. Inej on the other hand… whenever she’s back in Ketterdam, she’ll share anything she finds valuable with Kaz. She would have never dreamed that she’d miss the dirty, crooked rooftops of Ketterdam and yet... she can never resist to jump from roof to roof like she’s flying.  Those familiar, light steps of Inej’s always itched to be up above everyone else where she could blend into the shadows and listen. And listen she did. - An unknown but surprisingly quick and efficient working gang was targeting the Crows.

Kaz made a plan and his former crew members inserted themselves in it. Despite Kaz’s refusal at first, they did not relent.

But, things suddenly went south. Kaz was struck by a flying knife, none of his crew saw coming. Not even Inej, which she still feels horrible about. And then, chaos broke loose. It all happened so very fast, they were ambushed. Still, after all these years Kaz, Wylan, Jesper, and Inej can read each other’s expressions and can communicate wordlessly and accomplished to come out of the unplanned, unexpected brawl victorious.

Now, as Inej turns around, Kaz has rid himself of his jacket. His shirt is ripped, quite a big patch is red. Kaz only looks at Inej while crossing the room until he’s stood right next to her. Leaning on his desk, he takes the cotton ball from Inej’s hand.

“He didn’t have to join me.”, Kaz simply says.

Inej’s eyes wander over Kaz’s face, down his body to his torso. The red patch is still getting bigger. And Kaz is not doing anything about it. Inej steps closer, meets Kaz’s gaze and waits. A couple moments all he does is stare right back. His jaw set, eyes trained on the girl in front of him that didn’t think twice before exchanging her captain’s hat for her scaling shoes when she noticed it might be useful. Useful to Kaz.

Finally, he nods and she starts unbuttoning his shirt slowly. She takes care to not touch his skin, pulling the shirt away from him, towards herself, while taking one button at a time. When his shirt is finally completely open and pushed off his shoulders, the deep stab wound on his abdomen is on full display.

“Apply pressure.”, Inej instructs him as she hands him a towel and takes the cotton ball back. He doesn’t make a sound but Inej can feel his quick breath on her cheek. He's hurting. She does not want to make him more uncomfortable than he already is and pays attention to not touch him with her fingers. The cotton ball is now pinched between her fingers. “Neither of us had to. We wanted to. And if it weren’t for Jesper there, you’d be in much more pain than you are now.”, she lifts her head to look at Kaz and only when he meets her eyes, she adds, “Or dead.”

There’s no movement in his face. His eyes stay on Inej, when he says:“I can handle myself.”

“Sure. You’re the Bastard of the Barrel .”, Inej says through her teeth. She tells him to lift the towel and cleans as much of the blood as she can before taking a step back to get the bandages. She had seen them in the drawer at his desk. She goes back to stand in front of Kaz and cuts up the bandage into the right sizes.

“I know you’re trying. I can see it.”, she says, not meeting his gaze. They both know what she means. It is not a secret that Kaz goes to meet Jesper and Wylan regularly. Most people think it’s on business and yes, sometimes it is, but mainly, it is a pretense. Still having her eyes only on the bandages, she continues: “But sometimes it’s not enough. If Jesper weren’t there today, if he hadn’t used his power, you’d be injured so much worse.”

Positioning a bandage on his wound that is still bleeding, she continues to speak while applying more pressure than is needed: “And forget saying thank you, you barely glanced in his direction afterwards and gave Wylan the instructions on how to keep their home safe.”

“I..”, Kaz starts to talk but stops as soon as Inej leans closer to wrap a thin piece of towel to keep the bandage in place. She hovers so closely that he can smell the flowery smell in her hair, even through the dust and dirt of the brawl not even hours ago.

Inej mutters: “You can’t just always assume everyone around you knows what you think.”

She’s done with the big wound and steps back. To give him a break. And to be able to see his reactions to what she’s saying. Kaz smirks lightly when saying: “They are not supposed to.”, but that doesn’t impress Inej one bit.

“But your friend should. Your friend should know that you’re grateful for his help. That you appreciate them. Especially when they are this close to you and when they see you as family.”, Inej says, arms crossed over her chest but her tone of voice softer than before.

The adrenaline is only now wearing off and the fear that Kaz might be hurt badly is growing calmer.

Inej can see how much Jesper means to Kaz. And deep down, Jesper knows that, too. But he should not have to settle for only that.

Kaz does not say anything, does not show anything in his eyes. Inej shakes her head and turns around to put away everything she did not use and she can hear Kaz limping towards the trunk near the door, where he keeps spare clothes. While worrying about his stab wound, neither had thought about his leg. She hears Kaz wince before she even turns around and can see him struggling to put his shirt on. Inej closes the distance in quick, quiet steps and helps him wordlessly. She then continues to button it up.

“Thank you.”, Kaz says and Inej can feel his eyes on her. She doesn’t look up until she has buttoned up every button. That she can hide her small smile that way helps too. She is incredibly happy that he opens up more to her now than he ever did. Emotionally and physically, verbally or with his looks. She’s proud of his progress. And still, her point from before stands.

“You’re welcome.”, she says, finally looking at him and finds him looking at her with a small smile. She tries to school her features but it is too late. He saw the effect of that small smile. No matter how much older she is now and how many threats and problems she has faced by now with a straight face, Kaz still has the annoyingly exciting influence on her as if she’s still 16.

Kaz takes a deep breath without moving an inch away from Inej and says: “I have some immediate business to take care of. But in the morning I’ll go check up on Wylan and Jepser.”

“Good.”, Inej answers and allows herself to finally smile at him. His eyes focus on her lips drawn upwards; his hand itches to drag her closer. “I’ll accompany you.”

Kaz’s first instinct is to refuse. Out of habit. Even though he would like her to stay at the Slat with him. Even though they both know he might need a second pair of eyes when walking through Ketterdam the next morning. He bites his tongue and nods.

He takes out the key to his room from his pocket and hands it to her: “You’ll be least disturbed there. I’m going to send some of my people to take care of the remainder of today’s business.”

-

The next morning, a message boy arrives at the Slat, asking for a message to be given to Mr. Brekker, who had already left to go check up on the person who sent the message, inviting him to Breakfast.

Jesper is the one to open the door and is surprised at the speed at which his friends arrived but doesn’t comment on it. He lets them in and locks the door behind them.  Inej greets her friend and continues towards the kitchen where an off-key singing Wylan can be heard. Jesper makes a move to join her but Kaz calls him back: “Jesper, a moment please.” Inej hears Kaz and knows she shouldn’t be as proud as she is. This should be a given. Still.

“Everything okay?”, Jesper asks, looking Kaz up and down.

Kaz sets his cane aside and nods. “Yes.”, and then does not know how to continue. Inej had said he should let his friends who see him as family know that he appreciates him. But that’s the problem. Jesper is like a brother to Kaz. It makes it harder to express his thoughts, not easier.

“Okay..”, Jesper says, a little suspicious.

“Just…”, Kaz continues and straightens his back and looks at Jesper properly. “Thank you… for your help yesterday.”

Jesper needs a moment to process what Kaz said, but then opts to play it off. He shrugs and waves it off: “Sure, no problem. It’s nothing.”

Kaz is tempted to let it go now. He said thank you. But he knows that once again Inej is right. “No, it’s not nothing. Without you there yesterday, I might have scarcely come out of the attack.”

He is looking Jesper in the eyes but is not showing anything more than his usual stoic gaze. And yet, Jesper knows Kaz means it. To that, he smiles and instantly wants to hug Kaz but knows better. Instead he nods, smiling, and tries not to beam.

They turn to go join the others in the kitchen, but Jesper’s step falters when Kaz adds: “But don’t ever put yourself in danger for me again.”

Kaz does not stop, he passes his friend and thinks, he does not want another brother dying before him.

[vidaflxwer]

to all the villains i’ve loved before: part one

so since tumblr decided to be evil today, i’ve decided to just make this post about the top five villains that i love and save it periodically as much as i possibly can so that i don’t lose anything i say. i’m upset i lost so much that i said about a few of these characters in particular because it was all very heartfelt and loving but you know. you win some, you lose some!

if you all like this i can make a few more posts because i have plenty of villains that i’ve loved in my lifetime that i will not shut up about. plus, some are just funny little mei stories of me being morally conflicted as a child over whether or not it was acceptable for me to have a crush on this character or not

surprise surprise! i grew out of that phase eventually but i would like to caution everyone that these are villains. they have done horrible things but i do not condone their actions by any means. 

now that we have that out of the way, here comes me being extremely soft over five chaotic bastards for as long as it takes me to explain how much i love them. which i never will be able to. so i guess here’s a condensed version of why i love them? i don’t know! all i know is that this will be long and soft and loving so strap yourselves in. 

1. sano kojima

well, this one comes with a bit of a story!

one night, my friend and i were talking and she was telling me about this fanfic she was working on! she let me read a bit of it and i was immediately interested in it, and asked her to link me to it when she was done and she posted it on ao3! so she did but, alongside that link, she told me that i’d probably actually enjoy the game she wrote about if i enjoyed the fanfic she wrote that much and sent me the link to the game he was from, saying that i’d like a different character from it. me, having absolutely no idea what i was getting into but trusting my friends to know my tastes entirely, decided to play it!

and that’s how i fell in love with sano!

i can’t say if it was just how late at night it was that made me fall for him so hard or if i was just particularly lonely then or whatever, but all i know is that i don’t think there’s a single other character that i’ve fallen this hard for in my entire lifetime (though mello is definitely a close second, which i think says something). i actually got insanely pissed off when i got one of his bad endings the first time i played it because i thought i was doing pretty well! all things considered, he seemed to actually like me, which rarely happens whenever i have to impress a character in a game romantically because i suck, but it just felt like everything was going well! and considering the type of game it is, well, i think it’s easy to see why i was so shocked. however when i got the bad ending, i looked up cheats straight away and fixed my only mistake and got one of his good endings and the rest is really history! that very night i actually started writing a fic about him, not one of the two that are posted (and please, never read the one i wrote with my best friend. it’s so bad. i regret it), but i still go back and reread it time to time because it holds a special place in my heart. 

i cannot express my love for sano in a single tumblr post - let alone, one he has to share with a few other characters i love to bits - but i can try my best! i think a part of it is that i’ve never really had someone as stable and mature as him in my life, so i kind of latched onto that part of his personality for dear life. he’s very blunt in the way he deals with your feelings, that much is true, but it’s not blunt in a very condescending way? it’s just like, “yeah, we all feel like this sometimes, and it’s okay” which was? definitely not something i was expecting from his character? he’s very shy which is super cute - he actually gets all flustered in the beginning if you say you want to learn more about him, and asks why you’d want to know more about him, which i adore - and his blushing face... god it’s adorable. i always imagine his laugh and his voice to be really soothing too. i’ve written about both of them so often they feel more real than my own headcanons at this point, but it makes me soft. not to mention he’s just hot. he’s a sadist, i don’t know if i mentioned that, and some of his lines... they really speak to me. the things he does to you in the game aren’t, uh, very nice but i rather enjoyed them. he even has a sense of humor which is surprising? in one of his routes he just makes jokes with you the entire time which is so sweet. he’s very caring, too. he might injure you but he takes insanely good care of your wounds afterwards, and tries to make sure you’re not in too much excessive pain beyond what he inflicts on you, which is adorable. god he’s adorable just thinking about this is making me all soft. did i mention that he’s also half snake demon? because he is! he’s always cold which is why he lights a fire at one point in the game, to keep himself warm, but he’s very shy about his actual demon form which is so cute... i love him with all of my heart, okay? i forgot to say he’s a doctor. well, i don’t think he’s a legal doctor, considering his age, but he sure is smart like one. and i rather love intelligence in a character so it’s astonishing to me. i’m gonna stop rambling because this will just be a post where i talk about how much i love sano for five hours straight but point is: i love him. 

2. victor vale

victor’s rather new to my life - i only just read vicious for the first time last year, and i’m rereading it now and it’s been a blast - but he’s definitely wormed his way into my heart. 

victor’s just powerful. that’s the best way i can describe him, both with the actual power he has and his own personality, and it’s so absolutely mesmerizing. some of the lines written in regards to his character, whether it be his dialogue or internal monologue, just carry this energy to them that’s so insanely powerful? that’s such a bad way to describe it, but really, there aren’t many words i’ve found that can fully encapsulate the sheer badass nature of “victor vale was not a fucking sidekick.” i didn’t mention that - he broke out of prison just so he could defeat his ex-best friend from college, eli ever, after being in prison for ten years - and if that isn’t dedication, i don’t know what is. you have to keep in mind, eli’s invincible. his power is literally regeneration. while victor might be able to manipulate pain, even he can’t kill someone who regenerates. but he wants to try. all he cares about is the chance to make eli hurt, to make him scream and pay for the hell he put him through and his self-righteousness that’s caused him to become a serial killer, and that’s what i love so much. he’s cold, intelligent, and ruthless - three of my favorite traits in any villain, but that’s not all! he’s actually a bit soft, deep down! he “adopts” a girl named sydney throughout the course of the novel, as well as a dog named dol, whom he raises alongside his cellmate he escaped with from prison named mitch. they’re such a chaotic little family but i love them to death, and victor’s actually sweet to all of them, in his own way. not to mention that he’s still not over the death of the only girl he ever loved, angie, even if he inadvertently caused her death himself. i don’t know. he’s just awesome. and such a badass. and i love him. and he was a med student so bonus points to him for that! 

3. kaz brekker

oh goodness gracious, kaz brekker. i read six of crows last year and i cannot tell you the amount of feelings i had for most of the cast without becoming a giant mess because wow did leigh bardugo write some very attractive characters but kaz was the one who just screamed my type. he’s the entire reason i actually decided to read six of crows and i’m not mad about that decision in the slightest because wow did i fall hard for kaz brekker. he’s sort of one of those self-proclaimed “businessmen” who scams people out of money because he can, which makes sense considering that’s how he wound up losing his brother at a young age, but the way he goes about it... well, it’s interesting, to say the least. his dialogue specifically is just amazing. especially when he’s flirting a bit with his love interest, inej, which in the beginning is just over-dramatic fake flirting but it’s adorable. he calls her his darling inej and my heart about melted. i should mention that he always dresses obnoxiously nice, the majority of people in ketterdam are poor and struggling, which is a bonus. and he has leather gloves. he’s wonderful because he’s such a badass - this bastard has a limp and can fight like nobody’s business - yet he cares about his little team. as much as he might hate to admit it, he does have a fondness for each of them in his heart, which i find sweet. not to mention his entire motivations for becoming as ruthless as he is revolve around his brother who succumbed to the plague that kaz himself survived at age ten, leaving him alone in ketterdam with nobody to rely on but himself. he’s such a fighter and i love that so much about him. he took his scars and turned them into revenge and i think that’s one of his strongest points as a character, his dedication to screwing over the man who screwed him over. i just love kaz brekker i can’t take it he’s gorgeous and deserves the world. 

4. mello

and here’s the only character who i’ve ever possessed a love for that’s even slightly comparable to that i feel for sano.

mello... where do i even begin? mello was another character i found at just the right point in my life. he’s the one who taught me what an inferiority complex was and showed me how bad my own was, but made me understand exactly why it was i loved villains so much. because they make their own decisions, regardless of if they’re immoral or not. i admire anyone who has the courage that it takes to be like, “no. i’m not going to become who you thought i was” and strive to be better than they were expected to be, to become more. mello was the first time i really saw that expressed in such a painfully raw way emotion wise so i wound up rooting for him to beat near and light and become the winner in this messed up game that was happening. sadly, as most of you probably know mello’s fate, that is not what wound up happening and needless to say, i was heartbroken about it. mello is truly one of the characters who i will say deserved better. it’s not often that i think a villain deserves a happy ending but goddammit, mello did. he deserved so much better. he was constantly compared to near and shamed for his impulsiveness and it just broke my heart to see how much he was internally struggling to become the best. when i realized that near used him in his own plan, i was so beyond pissed off. 

mello is attractive. he’s badass - he rides a motorcycle, wears pretty much all leather, has such an attractive voice, and not to mention just carries himself in a way that i’m so drawn to - but i love him for so much more than just that. i love him because of what he represents - of who he represents - and i truly wish that more people fully understood his character because he is one of the most relatable villains i’ve found so far. i don’t know. i still have so many strong feelings towards him and miss him so, so much every single time i think about him. 

5. laito sakamaki

i’m gonna be honest with all of you here and say i cannot figure out, for the absolute life of me, why in the world i love laito sakamaki. he doesn’t fit my type at all? in the slightest? there’s nothing about him that would scream mei’s favorite diabolik lovers character? if anything, reiji should be my favorite but alas, while he is very attractive looks wise, his personality drives me up a wall. laito actually used to be probably my least favorite out of the boys alongside reiji, but i randomly warmed up to him recently and i’m glad(?) about that decision. he’s a mess. he’s so flirtatious and does not know by any means what personal space is and is just very forward with yui, to say the least, but i’ll be damned if this vampire boy does not have one of the hottest voices on the planet. daisuke hirakawa actually is going to voice lucien, a hot doctor from a different dating sim, in an upcoming anime adaptation of said game which i am very excited about because god does this man have a fantastic voice... laito’s just such an asshole and maybe that’s why i love him? maybe i love the way that he’s persistently awful and so flirtatious in the way that he is awful? then there’s the church scene in the anime which... if you have not scene the church scene, that’s probably for the best but his dialogue in that scene ruined me. everything about that scene ruined me. i could barely breathe watching that scene because it is one of the most attractive things i have ever seen in my entire life and i adore it. 

[darklesmylove]

Grishaverse/Dregs First Dates

alina/aleksander: would most definitely take her to the most expensive restaurant in town, lots of long, lustful stares because the sexual tension is REAL. but honestly i think aleks knows alina so well that after he got all of his expensive flexing out of the way he would take her to do something that she loved like one of those wine and painting classes or just going to a pet shelter and playing with puppies for hours (knowing aleks he would adopt all of the puppies for her in a heartbeat as well)

alina/nikolai: this extra boi would do something colossally dramatic like fly her on a private plane to some foreign city (preferably paris or rome) to get dinner, probably would hire her favorite singer or band to serenade her like they do on the bachelor ahaha sounds about right. then he would fake propose at the end obviously and there would most definitely be fireworks for the finale

alina/mal: a diner from their childhood, sharing a milkshake, seeing a horror movie, that kind of typical teenager shit. i’m really trying to be nice here so that’s all i will say :)

kaz/inej: lol first date?? kaz would refuse to call it that publicly, jesper would tease him about it beforehand and he definitely would give him the signature kaz death stare which would shut up him up immediately. inej would definitely convince him to do something super cute and coupley though like a couples cooking class and he would try to look brooding and miserable the whole time but every time inej looked up at him and giggled because he was wearing an apron he couldn’t help but smile and enjoy himself because she was so happy

wylan/jesper: they would never agree on what to do so they would split the date so the first half they would go to wylan’s favorite bookstore and jesper would follow him around making comments about how the bookshelves would be great for hiding behind for a make out session and then they would do some adrenaline junkie activity like riding on ATV’s and wylan would just be hanging onto jesper screaming his lil ass off. lots of jesper flirting and wylan just blushing profusely 10/10 approve

nina/matthias: waffle house hopping so nina can try a hundred different waffles and rate them and matthias just happily watches her while she stuffs her face and smiles at him. afterwards they would just go and snuggle and watch netflix on the couch for hours until they fell asleep

[destielotp]

I’m still thinking about this scene. Kaz immediately knows he fucked up. You can see it all over his face in the 6th and last gif. Then afterwards when Kaz thinks Inej has returned to him (but it’s actually Pekka) he says, “Inej, listen I...” but we never get this conversation again...ugh these two will be the death of me

[simsofcrows]

Day 2

Kaz is failing at running! hahahaha he needs good athletic skills to get a promotion so this is where we are. I also got rid of the extra 50k Kruge-moleons because having 50k just made no sense at all, aaand they’re down to less than 400 bucks between the 6 of them which seems more realistic. Let’s see how much money they can make!

Look at almost all of the crows eating the food that matthias made them!  happy murder crows make me happy.

I sent these 2 dorks to the summer fair but there wasn’t a lot to do, therefore I made them rollerskate. They fell on their asses because they SUUUUUCK at it hahahahaha!

After they came back, the portal to the future was activated and immediately Kaz thought of ways to earning money with it. I swear this fucking game read the books. And do you see that Nina was flirting with Matthias? well

First kiss!!! yaaaay! 2 outta 3!

Then I made these 2 have a pillowfight and they chose Matthias’ and Nina’s bedroom to do so. I’m trying to keep things semi-canon, at least at the beginning, that why Jesper and Nina being the ultra flirts they are it’s the reason they got together with their babes in no time. With Kaz and Inej I made them besties first, filled up their relationship bar without romantic interactions, once they were besties I let them hold hands

Kyaa!!!! I made them hold hands for so long guyssss. Then I left them on their own to see what they would do and Inej started talking about relationships!

Then more hand holding and I didn’t seem to be able to advance so I had Kaz telling Inej he was interested in her, which changed their status from “besties” to “romantic interest” and I was able to make Inej do this

♥______♥  hahahahaha face caressing! so cute! btw this was going on in Matthias’ room while he was asleep

Anyway, I left them on their own to see what they would do afterwards and thank you Nina for starting a fight with Kaz and ruining the moment ¬____¬