#and then im like idk enough about myself to make these decisions

[amyreads]

being someone who has no idea of their relationship with sex and romance is crazy cuz like omg if i dont know myself then who does???who can i ask for the answers???? someone save me from the dread of inevitable self-discovery???? /j

[florida3exclamationpoints]

[sharkthey]

Lowkey my life is just a countdown til when I can try actual shr*oms bc my thought patterns are PRIMED and ready to go, i just need to GET THERE

[contagious-watermelon]

sorry to the person whose blog i just scrolled thru like its my dashboard

[songwritingauslly]

why does talking to people feel like im taking a test like one wrong answer and i fail

[lunarsapphism]

.

[globodamorte]

me seeing the consequences of my actions approaching me very fast:

[scarletcomet]

the mental illness is making me very mentally ill today

[chewwy-bwossom]

Just realized that MFF last year pulled in THIRTEEN THOUSAND and some odd attendees like holy shit the fandom has exploded in size even since like.... 2016 I feel as if when I was first getting into it, I felt like furry content was still a pretty big niche on the internet but now we're at the point where brands have openly tried to co-opt the fandom as a market to sell to

[witchwhaat]

questioning my choices💀

[nereidprinc3ss]

i have thoughts on reid x dilaudid that i feel like i’ve never seen anyone talk about before so im gonna share

spoilers for s2 ofc and cw for discussions of substance abuse

something im thinking abt right now is that presumably reid was not psychologically or physically dependent on dilaudid yet by the time he was rescued from tobias hankel. of course he was incredibly traumatized and im not saying i wouldn’t anticipate wanting relief from that if i were him, but he could have gone without the drugs. he CHOSE to take the vials from tobias when he left. so if you think about it we didn’t even see the turning point into his addiction—he had to make the choice AGAIN to shoot up at some later point. he obviously knows the statistics abt addiction and the opioid crisis. but we know he really was addicted eventually. so after tobias, he got home and looked at those vials and made that choice to shoot up again, fully aware of what he was doing and all the implications and potential consequences but he was just in that much pain.

like it makes me so so sad to think about how smart he is and how his vast intellect was not enough to stop him at any point in the pursuit of getting high and he was contending with that the whole time, aware that he should be “too smart” for what he’s doing. like he had to procure syringes, he had to consider what he was potentially sacrificing, all while he was completely lucid, and he still made a fully conscious decision that it was more valuable to get high.

or maybe he convinced himself he was just going to use them to wean himself off because it would take a major toll on your body to receive all those drugs in such a short time frame. maybe he thought he could slowly detox. which might be even sadder. or maybe he was lying to himself the whole time and knew he just wanted to give himself permission to get high again. idk.

regardless it’s really really sad to think about how much effort he had to put into doing something he knew was terrible for him and how he chose it again and again because that’s how much he was hurting. like that scene of him holding the bottles and looking in the mirror at work hits a lot harder when you realize his addiction was not something just happened to him. he can’t entirely shirk the blame. i can’t even imagine how much self loathing he would have had going on at that time

(also i am fully aware that addiction is an illness and in many regards not a choice at all, but im saying its not likely he was actually clinically diagnostically addicted to dilaudid by the time he was freed. in that sense, he did make choices which contributed to his addiction, and he had to live with that, which i think is really highlighted by him looking in the mirror like what the fuck have i done to myself)

anyways im so sad now😂😂😂😂!!!!!! this is one of my favorite plot lines it was done so dirty!!

[ddejavvu]

james potter has lovely hair and it’s well known that the reader is fond of it. whether this is romantic or platonic poly marauders, or James x reader, it doesn’t matter much but

he decides to prank them by saying he’s planning on getting a buzzcut. genuinely devastating news, cus his hair is so lovely. i think sirius would be in tears, reader sat next to him but manages to say through he sobs that he’d look lovely with a buzz cus he’s so pretty that he could pull anything off. remus returns from his quick “gotta hide the electric razor” trip to yank softly on the back of sirius’ hair and tell him to stop being a baby, cus it’s just hair (even though him and reader are blubbering in solidarity, reader at least tries to be supportive, but sirius treats it like a first degree felony)

idk if he’d tell em it’s a prank so quickly if perhaps (I’d do this I’d do this id do this) reader gets all touchy and just has to bury her face at the top of James head for a bit of a mourning period.

sirius switches tactics and says that no one will have anything to hold onto if he buzzes (not true)(james is fuckin massive)(I’ll hold onto his bicep by my teeth if I have to). if they’re not together atp i could see James being like fine 🙄🙄 guess someone’s gonna have to show me what I’d be missing 🙄🙄 quick, im changing my mind 🙄🙄 (little shit)

nsfw under cut // minors dni.

--

sirius would definitely throw a fit without trying to be nice to james, like a full on kicking screaming begging no prongs don't do it!!! i'll throw myself off the roof if you do!!

and yes ur trying to be so polite about it, respect his say in what he does with his own body, but you're sooo sad :( there's little tears gathering in your eyes and james is this close to confessing it was all just a tease to get you to stop crying but remus rushes off to the bathroom to 'wash his hands' (read: hide the razor like you mentioned) so he waits until he's back first, but the antics just continue and he never wants to stop getting doted on!!

he's hugging sirius like don't worry pads! it'll grow back eventually. and sirius is like NO. NO YOU CAN'T. PLEASE.

then you ask for just a bit of time alone with his hair. so you get up onto your knees beside him on the bed and drape yourself all over his head (subsequently putting your boobs in his face) and he's like hehe :] yeah say goodbye to the curls baby :]

remus honestly is just sitting there with his head in his hands i think. just. mourning in private. doesn't wanna bother james but is deeply devastated. so he's not quick enough to catch sirius launching his next attack, which consists of 'what are we gonna yank on during sex, prongs?' and remus pops his head up like. yeah this could work.

"S'true," Remus pretends to deliberate, throwing a pointed look at James, "'Can't tug on those pretty curls if you chop 'em off, Prongs."

with your boobs in his face and now both of his boyfriends talking about yanking on his hair, he's.. coming around. he's definitely not telling you it's a prank now, he just goes right for the belt buckle like 'alright boys, interesting point. i'll need some research to make my final decision.'

you best believe that's the best fuck james has ever had and will ever have, and sirius is generous with his silent treatment after he finds out it was just a prank, too, only ignores him for three days instead of a week <3

[tonydaddingham]

so i had the bright idea of rewatching s1 today whilst im working from home, now knowing what i know about s2, and so i can ruminate a little more on s1 with the additional context. ive barely made it past five minutes

im pretty sure ive gotten most of the frames accurate from this bit, and im sure it might just be a bit of demonstrative cinematography (which ya know, *chefs kiss*) but at the same time i love going into full year 9 english teacher mode about this shit, and i think there is something to comment on (which someone already might have done but w/e). in any case, this bit of dialogue is very noticeably layered with shots of crowley and aziraphale, but intercut with the shots of adam facing down the lion:

like, i can't help but feel that there is some symmetry in this and either other people have spotted it and im very behind, OR we havent spotted it and s2 spoilers have helped unlock it✨

so who is meant to be who here? for my money it would be that adam is mirroring aziraphale, and eve is mirroring crowley - in so much that at a really shallow level, aziraphale is a platoon leader, a guardian, fought in the war etc. crowley, regardless of his rank, is a starmaker, and let's face it the boy has the structural integrity of a strand of dried linguine. so we could look at it on that level (ignore the lion for the moment ill sort of explain that if it isn't already obvious)

but also we now know that this scene is not their first meeting, and that aziraphale and crowley do in fact remember each other and know that they have met, and in aziraphale's case is probably the teeniest bit shy bc damn heart eyes as an angel, heart eyes as a demon 🥵 but my point is that this is after the fall. after (as far as crowley tells it) crowley fell for 'just ask[ing] questions", and "just hung around the wrong people".

now i have my thoughts on why crowley fell: tldr because it would require another post - both reasons he gave above are bullshit and obvs conflict with each other, so i think that he doesn't actually know why he fell and has just guessed his transgressions so he can rationalise it, that god actually never had an issue with him asking questions, and instead it was actually god's plan to make him fall so he could represent the 'evil' side of free will on earth, as aziraphale's counterpart, and essentially ensure that humankind stays eternally 'in balance'

ANYWAY so the fact that in the lion sequence, 'crowley' is being shielded by 'aziraphale' against an unknown entity; but does this mirror a flashback, or is it foreshadowing? again, id put my bets on the former visually, but the latter... lyrically? idk the word but regardless take the dialogue:

"What if I did the right thing;

with the whole 'eat the apple business'?

A demon can get into a lot of trouble;

for doing the right thing."

so let's rephrase this:

"Was it the right decision to fall;

was I right to choose this for myself?

to choose the right to choose?

Because i feel like i could live to regret it."

so is crowley in essence already asking if aziraphale is on his side? is he asking if falling was the right thing, the good thing, to do (regardless of whether god gave him any choice in the matter)? But was he given the choice, first true free will? did aziraphale try to protect him during the fall, so crowley could get out in time (but ultimately fail? or at least bought Crowley enough time to find a back staircase and fall gently and peacefully, 'saunter vaguely downwards'?), and then get assigned to earth to be the 'good' side of the coin for humanity?

and is crowley asking if aziraphale will continue to be with him? in whatever romantic, platonic, acquaintance context you want - is he asking aziraphale if aziraphale will fight for him again, for them both? aziraphale made his decision, enacted his free will, in giving the humans a sword, and thus brought the concept of war and horror to earth, even if that was never his intention - so now swordless, and now only condemned to watch humanity as it strides out on its own (or was this the plan all along?👀), is aziraphale willing to do it? does he have the power, the strength, the will? would he stretch his finger over the line to fight on their side?

maybe im asking the wrong kind of questions, but all ill say is that in the above sequence? at the end of the dialogue? adam kills the lion.

i think 'their side' began in the job minisode, yes maybe, but also maybe the idea of it, the understanding of it, was planted here.

[multidimensionalslvt]

I had a lucid dream last night!

yes you heard me right! So imma be 100% honest with y’all, I really can’t remember what the dream was but I do remember trying to ground myself and the moment I realized I was dreaming!

I’m so upset I don’t remember what the dream was about but I guess it’s okay because at least I did become lucid.

I was trying to shift but it was like 3 am when I went to sleep (I couldn’t sleep.) So I was doing the Julia method (I only got to saying “I am”). I was actually attempting to shift for once and I fell asleep (but it’s okay). Anyways I think I was asleep for about 30 minutes before I became lucid, don’t quote me though because time isn’t really ESPECIALLY when you’re asleep.

I think I became lucid because like sometimes I can control my dreams. Like it’s so weird, it’s been happening for a few years now. (Not all the time but enough.)

So I was making my own decisions but I wasn’t aware I was asleep. Until suddenly I was like “wait… im asleep.” After I realized that I was sleeping, I unfortunately lost all control of my self. Like I could make decisions but I was trying to do reality checks and couldn’t see my hands. Like idk it was so weird.

Anyways as I was trying to ground myself I ended up slipping out of lucidity :(( but this was such a win! It gave me the boost I needed after like a year of having no signs.

I just want to tell you guys to never stop trying. You’ll get there someday (and soon)💗💗.

[samkerrworshipper]

Genuine question: I see AMAZING writers than is your and your friend’s level of writing. Yet, you only publish the popular girls fics, why?

i was going to ignore this because tbh i find it both rude and untrue but i just wanted to give some background

1. im under no obligation to repost anything at all, it’s purely a choice that i chose to make that is nobody elses business

2. i’ve been so mia recently that honestly the only fics i’ve been reposting are my mutuals because i don’t have enough time to go fic searching rn

3. a repost doesn’t determine whether or not i like a writer or how good their writing is, i repost fics that for the most part are similar to what i write or fics that i really enjoyed but i enjoy plenty of fics that i don’t repost

i am too tired and overworked to honestly think about who or what i repost. it’s not a personal thing or a calculated decision, it’s honestly not deep at all

idk i don’t need to explain myself and a reason i’ve taken a bit of a step back is because of the amount of messages i received asking me to explain things that is none of y’all’s business and has no significance to anything and yet every time i reply to a message like that i get a onslaught of hate

[literaila]

Heyy so I've readed your fanfic A Typical Family and I can't stop re reading it because, well, let's just say that the manga is not at it's finest (Prettysureyouknowwhatimean.) and your fanfic is doing a great job helping me with my mental stability caused by Gege Akutami 😀 so thank you!

I love everything, I sure as hell needed that fluff. But one of the things I like the most is actually y/n's past, I like that you didn't went into details about what happened to her and it was just mentioned like two or three times. I like that a lot because it makes the character more intriguing and you give the reader the posibility of being as creative as possible when it comes to her past, I atleast came up with a few ideas of how she used to live.

But after Chapter 29 I couldn't help myself but wonder what really happened to y/n with her family during her youth. In details. Because I felt that there was A LOT going on-

So yeah, that's why I searched for you in tumblr, fell in love with you after scrolling down your account for a bit (which means hours) and decided to ask you if you could specify more about her past? What happened to her? How was her daily life living in a place where she was missunderstood by her own parents? How did her parents treated her? Did she always felt lonely? Is that why she's so insecure when she became a mother? I REALLY am intrigued.

Thanks again for everything and let's hope to find that annoying cat's hideout 😄🔪

(idoindeedunderstandexactlywhatyoumean)

ah. my dear reader.

she started as just an archetype of sorts, i suppose. like a person in my head but not enough of a person to interfere with the story in any particular way

the focus was abandonment issues so that satoru/suguru leaving could actually have some purpose.

but as i’m sure everyone is well aware—i don’t do simplicity, and i wholeheartedly believe that each and every character (in any media) should be a little… messed up? hurt? battling their own demons??

i think about things in the ways that it’ll improve or harm a story. and satoru leaving reader after being left by everyone else—that’s what i latched on to originally

(actually originally originally it was just a one-shot of megumi calling reader mom and being upset about it… ah how things change)

so i continued with that idea and im not sure when exactly i decided that her parents were awful, but they were. it made it easier for her to avoid talking to satoru about any issues, and easier to understand why she would care so much about these kids and them growing up with (no offense to gojo) a child for a father.

and at the beginning you can tell (or maybe only i can idk) that she is less self conscious about herself, and more worried about the kids. how are they going to react to this? how can a recently graduated person become a mother in under an hour? so it’s not that she’s insecure because she didn’t have a good childhood—that’s just how she is. too thoughtful, a bit anxious.

(mostly just to tie in satoru and readers relationship because i figured they’d need some balancing somewhere)

but then as the characters become more of their own, i needed more from her character. why does she care about these kids so much beyond just having morals? why do they trust her almost immediately?

and this began in the part where she’s consoling tsumiki—because i wanted to give baby a moment sorry not sorry. suddenly she missed her estranged parents and understood how sad miki felt. how much losing your mother matters.

but i’ve always made it fairly clear that tsumiki is just trusting. so easy one there.

but with megumi—reader is more worried that satoru is going to raise him under his wing. and obviously, that’s a horrible decision. satoru is barely a normal teenager to reader so… yeah she doesn’t trust him with megumi. who is obviously impressionable and easy to persuade.

plus the boy is rough for a six year old—needs a gentler hand than some people (ahem, satoru) can give him.

but unlike tsumiki, megumi was going to take time. so instead of a moment they have lots of little things—like the fact that she can read his emotions even when he’s trying to close them off, or that she watches him interact with both tsumiki and satoru very differently.

their trust is built on silence—but once megumi can depend on someone there’s really no going back.

and none of this has anything to do with reader necessarily—but her foundation is made from the two children, and satoru.

and then i had to push some more on the two of them. because—they are in love (they don’t say it ever, but it’s obvious), but they need a reason to hide it.

for satoru it’s because he has been raised to be the most important thing, and to not really trust anyone. and when suguru leaves he realizes that no matter what no one will understand him—he’ll always be a level ahead, a step too high.

so for reader it has to be different. some echoes of pain. and as soon as i realized how scared she was for megumi—i had to give her a reason to be scared. i imagine that she’s always been terrified of jujutsu, not because it’s difficult or because there was some nasty curses, but because it essentially ruined her life.

i imagine her parents to be average, run of the mill people. i think she depended on them when she was very young, and was naturally trusting (like tsumiki) as a child. she’s the type to believe that her parents are the best people in the world.

but once a little girl begins to see things that aren’t there—to scream and hide in closets, or cry while being dragged into the kitchen—things shift.

i don’t think it was bad at first, but when her cursed technique manifested, her parents understood that she was something other.

outwardly, they provided everything a child needs. food, home, clothes, education. but they refused to listen to her when something was wrong, they would leave the room when she entered—because she carried that negative presence with her.

so, i think to reader, they treated her like she was the curse.

and when yaga shows up, rattling about jujutsu high and these strange things that only the two of them would be able to understand, there was no returning back into the child her parents had loved.

she was different. too different for them to understand—or want to even try to.

i doubt they gave her a choice in going to school. if they could get her out of their house, get her curse out of there—they were going to.

(not to mention that there’s no reason for her to stay at home—not with two people who couldn’t care less about her).

so she was essentially sent away at fifteen and (like reader says) they were gone not too long after that.

(i think both the first and second years found out about this because yaga was trying to be nice and tell them not to push and accidentally revealed too much information. also he’s a gossip oops).

with the type of childhood she had—bad but not awful, nothing to run from—it makes it hard for her to connect with other people. and reader truly does believe she is the curse because that’s all she’s been taught.

but everyone at jujutsu high can understand, even if it’s the smallest amount. going there changes her life, simply put.

with at least five other people there to understand the things that she does—the burden is divided equally among all of them. she doesn’t have to hold it all alone.

so she connects with suguru, begins to realize she was just a child and not a problem. she learns how to control her cursed technique and is no longer scared that she’s doomed to forever push people away.

and she makes friends. friends make all the difference in the world, obviously.

plus, there’s satoru and he’s a burden of his own.

but at least she gets to choose it this time, no matter how difficult he makes it.